#hate-free experience with fandom
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idk what discourse dimension some of you "fandom elders" are stuck in, but in my ~15 years in online (and sometimes irl) fandom spaces, this is the golden age for me
shipping wars have literally always existed and acting like we all used to hold hands and sing kumbaya is insane. "well, there wasnt this moral component thats soooo annoying these days" okay but thats worse. you do see how thats worse, right? people used to tell each other to kill themselves over zutara vs kataang and then not even care when people were racist. twice as mad for reasons half as reasonable. also, where were you all in 2015-2019? that was the era of "steven universe is fascism apologism" and "i headcanon these characters as found family, so its incest to ship them". now shipping "drama" is like "oh i broke mutuals with them after they wrote smut of this child character being assaulted by their parent", which is actually just a normal response
wondering what torment nexus some of you are trapped in where fandom has gotten more toxic? hope you can escape soon, because im having a ball out here in a world where biphobia is seen as a bigger problem than a ship being dumb
#csa mention#incest mention#like. just a vague example but ive been asked to tag any and all mentions so i feel this counts?#i see a ship i hate and i keep my mouth shut and expect everyone else to give me the same respect when i post ships they might not like#do i bitch about fandom sometimes here and there? absolutely. would i prefer a return to how fandom was even just 5 years ago?#gun to my head you could not make me#like. im a w*ll stan. i have Seen Some Things and i have gotten upset by them. but thats just how every large social experience is#if its something you care about... youre gonna have opinions and so will everyone else#fandom will never be 100% chill and conflict-free. that doesnt mean i havent seen MASSIVE improvements in every#fandom ive been in over the years. its getting better overall everywhere ive gone. where are you all where its getting worse?
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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I hate it when I headcanon a character who’s canonically a girl as a trans man and make ships of him and a character who’s canonically a guy and I refer to it as a gay/mlm/guyxguy/whatever ship and someone gets mad. Like omg let trans people have FUNNNNN. Why are queer headcanons and genderbends cool until they’re saying that the character is trans???
“OMGGG you’re so misogynistic I can’t believe you would erase FEMALE representation!!!”
and like half of the characters in the franchise are women, and a total of… NONE of the characters are trans men. Also, my headcanon doesn’t change the source material. If my stuff upsets you, you can block me and go engage with the source or maybe every single other fanwork, since mine is the only trans man hc for this character that I’ve ever seen.
or when people are like “WTF??? this is so transphobic!!! how dare you imply that a character who looks like that could be a trans man?!?! do you think that trans men are women or something??? she uses she/her, and you’re misgendering her!”
No, I don’t think that being a trans man makes you a woman or vice versa. That’s why it’s a headcanon, and the headcanon is that this character is actually a trans man and not a woman at all! You’ll never guess what pronouns most trans men had to use at some point in their lives, and you really won’t like it when you find out about pre-(or no-)transition trans men… or trans men who are in the closet… or trans men who don’t know that they’re trans yet.
“But the character is a kid!!! Saying they’re trans is sexualizing them.”
I’ve seen this one from other queer people. Like did you miss when all of the homophobes said this about your identity, or do you think that bigotry is only bad when it’s directed at you?
“Why would you say ‘testosterone could fix her’??? Are you trying to call her a delusional woman?”
Why would your brain even go to that first? This literally has to be a bad faith reading, because there’s no way that someone could see what I said and get this unless they were specifically looking for something to be mad at me for.
(Note for anyone unaware: “Estrogen would’ve fixed him!” was a meme going around at the time I said this. I’m not sure if it’s still super big, but this was a joke to the effect of that.)
“So girls can’t be tomboys anymore? You just wanna trans everyone?”
This is like actual real life transphobic rhetoric. This isn’t even just shitting on my headcanon, but in fact, sending transphobic hate to a trans man. Thanks 👍. Maybe you should go send JK Rowling another message about how much you loved her essay instead of bothering me.
#transgender#trans#trans man#transandrophobia#<- not all of it but the ‘it’s misogynystic to be a trans man!!!’ part is. esp because it’s something that people say about real trans men#is this inspired by a Tik tok about how making male characters women is empowering and making female characters men is misogyny?#(although that post was weirdly about genderbending gay ships? idk why that’s discourse going around 😭😭😭. I miss old fandom sometimes.)#not exactly. although the comments on it sucked. I’ve seen multiple variations of posts like that and all of their comment sections made me#feel like I was wading through raw sewage with how full of shit the commenters were.#I saw one violently threatening anyone who portrays a canon girl as a man (in stupid Tik Tok speak)#oh Feng Min… oh Hilda Pokémon… oh Y PokéSpe… you’re all beautiful young men to me#nonbinary hcs also get you that last one super hard#I haven’t seen as much of this about hcing canon guys as trans girls other than posts where op says ‘name a girl character who (blank)!’-#and then makes an addition that you’re an evil misogynist if you said a MALE!!! (even though Brock Pokémon is a transbian to me </3)#which icks me out so bad. omfg. like she’s a girl to ME!!! so maybe that’s why I’m naming her under a post about GIRLS!!!#I imagine that most of the reason for not hearing much about it is because these types of headcanons just… really aren’t common#so if you have a bunch of experience with headcanoning characters who are canonically men as trans girls and the hate that it gets you then#feel free to add on (and also please talk to me about your headcanons… there are so few of us. we need to stick together!!!)#it’s not derailing despite this post specifically being tagged about trans men#that’s just bc that’s all that I talk about in my original post#this post has been in my drafts in different forms for probably like months#long post#I guess#anyone remember a while back when someone on this app got violently mad that someone put a character (canonically a guy) in the m/m tags on#ao3 bc the guy was hced as trans in the fic#and the post was like ‘grrr the ao3 gender ship things are talking about GENITALS!!! not gender!!! I’m not transphobic though <3.’#so now to imagine what it’s like to hc a character who’s canonically a girl as a trans man just imagine that but it’s worse and also you’re#getting it from other trans people too 👍
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they made cherri x sir pentious canon and I think it has ruined sir pentious as a character for me, may I please have some wholesome baxtious to cleanse my soul of straight sir pentious?
Ah, yeah I heard about that, I haven't really watched the episodes myself yet but
I guess I should've made posts about this yeah?
Currently I don't know what to do with this account, honestly.
#ask#answered#im not gonna lie the fandom experience was kinda dogshit#I met a lot of wonderful people but jesus christ#looking at it from an outside perspective now?#the fandom is... Not good Im not gonna lie#the show is aggressively mid#I hate what they did with.....#well everyone#anywau not gonna dump a bunch of negativity all of the sudden#feel free to ask questions#but if you think I'm gonna draw any more Hazbin uh#unfollow me please yeah?
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PSA
If you are interested in remaining free of all tour spoilers, I'll be tagging all my show related posts with the tag: #the 5sos show tour.
If you still want to see content but your main concern is setlist spoilers, any discussion of the confirmed setlist or videos of songs from the show will also be tagged #the 5sos show tour setlist.
To clarify, setlist spoilers will sport both tags so if you decide to block them both, the post will show up like this:
And then if you see a blocked post bearing only the main tag, you'll know it's at least safe from song spoilers!
Happy tour season! 🥰🥰
#5sos#5 seconds of summer#the 5sos show tour#kindahoping4forever#blog business#to be honest if you're trying to go into the show blind i would recommend not being on an socials at ALL#like idk if people realize how hard staying fully spoiler free would be#bc Michael said that shit about going in blind & literally less than 24 hours later the band accounts were posting song specific content 😂#like the band is going to be posting shit willy nilly#and obviously this fandom has varying degrees of courtesy lol#so I'd say just be weary if this is your journey!#and also don't let anyone make you feel bad for NOT trying to abstain#there's no 'right way' to experience this tour#one of my favorite parts of tour is the communal online experience#and I'd hate to see people hesitate to participate in that bc of pressure to hold out 💙#tl;dr - you do you and let's all have fun bbs!
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Imagine you were grocery shopping till somewhat you ended up here by your egg.
"It's your turn now! Go on! Put on a show!" -Gilbert
“?!?”
Collab template and Gilbert belongs to: @idkhowtoname
Scriver Wright (Timekeeper) and Eegarator (Egg!Narrator) are mine!
[+Bonus panels]
“aren’t you gonna say some- hey are you alright?” Gilbert turned to the strawberry person as they only respond with silence
The crowd was silent to..
“I want to go home!” They yelp.
#my art#The Eggs au#I just love how silly my TK is#Scriver wrights hate being the center of attention so yee#My man just grocery shopping till he somehow ended up her lmao#experimenting with colors n stuff but looks rlly cool ngl#the stanley parable#tsp narrator#tsp#tspud#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#narratorverse#narrator#paraverse#timekeeper#tsp timekeeper#the narrator tsp#tsp fanart#tsp fandom#the stanley parable timekeeper#Eggs AU!#Eegarator#Egg!Narrator#Scriver Wright#tsp the narrator#tsp au#free collab template#was this an excuse to draw Scriver n Eegarator?#Y E S#XP's ArtPile
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"but there just AREN'T any well-written women in aNyTHiNg I interact with"
DO TEN MINUTES OF RESEARCH.
WATCH BETTER SHOWS. READ BETTER BOOKS.
THERE IS A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION HERE.
#love when a post is a free blocklist#jesus fucking christ#mel screams about fictional ladies again#THERE ARE A BUNCH OF US WHO TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME ASK US ABOUT IT#ppl say this as if there aren't plenty of flatly-written boring male characters too. who still get popular. or like. expanded on by fandom#look I know I complain about this LITERALLY every day but if your response is just 'there are no good women in anything :(' then#a) you're an idiot and b) I don't want to talk to you because I cannot help you#like stfu and deal with your misogny like at some point you have to learn how to care about women#(YES obviously fiction isn't reality & this isn't the end all be all of activism but WE GOTTA FIX THE LITTLE STUFF TO CHANGE THE BIG STUFF)#(there's also something in here about how a lot of the male characters who tend to be hated more-in my experience-look or#act more in line with what society considers 'stereotypically feminine' which is. we don't have time to get into that right now)#ANYWAY.#MAYBE YOU COULD WATCH/READ THINGS THAT ARE /CREATED/ BY WOMEN SOMETIMES TOO!!!! (not that that will automatically#fix the problem. obviously women can be shitty writers too.)#consider these posts to be my rent-lowering gunshots#:)
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bpp idk what i was thinking but i think i just stumbled on a network of pjm blogs on tumblr and i'm so horrified i don't know what to do with myself. it scares me that people so hateful they remind me of profiles on true crime shows are obsessing over the members in the same place as me, just moving anonymously in the fandom among people who are normal fans. their blogs are supposed to be focused on jm but all they do is dissect other members and abuse them,,,,,,
the way they talk about all the members esp suga, tae and jk wishing that they die in the most horrific ways, obsessing over tae and jk's bodies in their magazine shoots and tearing them apart in such dehumanizing ways, fantasizing about hybe going bankrupt and jm leaving bts while in the next paragraph attacking jm for still staying in bts. they keep repeating to themselves that they're the 'true' people who love jm and everybody else hates him. it's so wild to me bpp!!! the members hate him, the company hates him, korean public hates him, his fandom hates him, his friends hate him, but they are the only ones toiling day and night out of love for him. i saw 26 blogs like this with many engagements and it depressed me a lot. i bias jm but could never stand for people hating the members like that. and it's real hate bpp, not just silly stuff people say when they're angry. how will our fandom survive when people can turn a blind eye to this kind of hatred? i'm not on twitter but i know it's more toxic, are solos this extreme there? i'm so depressed after seeing all that i want to leave the fandom completely. there's too much hatred here. people are too insane and there's no way anyone who sees all that hate won't be affected. you talk a lot about the fandom imploding but do you see a way out? do you see the fandom getting better? how can we fix this? i want jm to comeback to a real army fandom in 2025 not a collection of pjms surrounded by other solo stans all fighting each other and hoping that the group jm loves ceases to exist. sorry sorry so sorry that i'm ranting but i feel so scared and heartbroken. the hate jm gets from other member's solos is already so bad but he's getting it from pjms too and they're just as bad hating on other members. how can we fix the fandom to become filled with supporters again bpp? can we even fix the fandom to remove solo stans? have you seen any precedent of this done successfully?
***
Anon, I've written about how solo stans think and behave before, as well as wider fandom dynamics in Chapter 2. You can search my blog for any of those keywords and find posts where I've addressed a lot of this.
That said, the answer to nearly all the questions you asked here, is no. Because people are people. That sentence sounds cliché, glib, almost meaningless at first read, but please consider what that sentence means more carefully, whatever you determine that to mean, accept it, and move on with your life doing what you can to support the artists you love.
#people are anonymous in fandom#it gives them free rein to indulge in hateful gross and even anti-social behavior and the fact is that's what a lot of people do here#people are what comprise systems and that's essentially what this fandom is#a system#so long as certain groups of people have certain tendencies and predilections#none of this will ever change and will likely only become worse#you can improve fandom by regulating your own behaviour and focusing on enjoying content from the artists you love#that's not all it takes but that is the easiest way to improve your own experience in fandom#but also hard to put into practice if you're surrounded by the very abusive elements here#reality is actually focusing on the artist you love is the only real solution to what is really a systemic problem#but because 'people are people' this will likely never happen for the majority of people in the fandom#bts#jimin#park jimin#solo stans#bts army#fandom behaviour#fandom discourse
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Here is the thing. I said I was with Poi and I shall be with her till the end. I saw how Amber's case with Johnny played out ( she was a victim and the internet reduced her to a meme. Do not fucking come at me disputing this), so yeah I shall be with her till the end based on my personal moral codes. Idk what the truth is, and idk how fairly the court proceedings would play out.
But I can come forward and say, I do have questions regarding Poi. She came forward with the accusations of abuse but didn't file a case. Why? You aren't going to get justice on social media. You can't be given what's rightfully owed to you by us. And if you are ready to fight for justice, why didn't you file a case as well?
Then those who were apparently abused by Build are now saying that they lied. One that shocked me to the core was the accusation of rape and to find out that this was done for what? Just some clout?? ...i...i have no words. That's disgusting.
I have been here from the beginning to see if there is any justice. That's the fucking purpose of this decoy blog. I am here because I want to know how this society works. Do people really take advantage of something that harms so many people around the world. Where women are regularly pushed back when they try to voice out the actions of their abusers. And men are dismissed because they are questioned on their masculinity So did Poi really once again take advantage of this, thereby making it even more difficult for actual victims of abuse to come forward? Or is this once again a case of a male actor's popularity winning?
I have been steadfastly behind Poi and will continue to do so. But I can admit that I am having a lot of conversations within my own self and a lot of doubts. Because the conviction with which Poi accused Build of seems to be dwindling. And funny thing is those who were calling for Build's head are now like...they don't seem to give a fuck.
I remember a post when Build resigned with the meme caption: the evil is defeated.
If you are really cared about justice being served...won't you too be having a dilemma as to what is what? Won't you too be wondering if what you stood for was false? I know I do. Because I too did celebrate Build resigning, but hey I can admit that things might be completely different than what I originally thought it to be.
#build jakapan#this post doesn't mean I agree with those who were mocking poi before this surfaced#y'all were hung up on build because of lookism I can tell lol#you all were disgusting with your clamour of poi not being the angelic victim#so nah I don't fuck with you#I don't even fuck with those people who say twenty year olds shouldn't be held accountable for homophobic comments#or insensitive comments regarding rape victims#20 yr olds get hate crimed#20 yr olds get sexually assaulted#so a 20 yr old can stand to be held accountable#but to drag those in and gleefuliy persecuting the person#and then refusing to acknowledge that you fucked up is just as bad#yeah you are free to manipulate your fandom experience#but the way some of you posted at that time#coming off as truly feminist#I believed in your intention#of wanting the truth to win#but I guess it is nothing more than feeling yourself being self righteous
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Me reading that recommended post about fandom space not being safe to talk about your blorbo because there's some people who won't like it.
#personal#look like another case of learning to curate our own experience in fandom and do things bc you want to#it might come as a surprise for y'all my dash is free of hate comments and negativity in general#I'm having a lovely and chill experience with like-minded people out here#anyways I love Four he's such a grear little dude ca#can't wait to fuck him up#just a little as a treat for myself
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Extremely cold take, but some die-hard media purists just drive me up the wall.
I’ve tried to talk to someone about a show that deals with some heavy topics in it which a couple people I know are fans of, and instead of actually saying what I wanted to say, midway through, I had to start being a defense lawyer for those very people, explaining why it’s okay and normal to like a show that has dark themes and heavy issues in it, because said person just wouldn’t reserve themselves from commenting about how horrible it is and how they don’t understand why anyone would ever watch something so brutal, let alone why it even exists in the first place.
I’d assume it’s not difficult to understand that people enjoy or find comfort in different things, but some people apparently think of it as science-fiction their minds can’t comprehend. For what reason do you think half of the literary classics people learn in basic education are so dark, so cruel, so heartbreaking to read? For what reason do you think so much media deals with horrible issues in the real world? And similarly, for what reason do you think there does exist media out there which doesn’t deal with it at all and just serves to be light and fun? It’s because everyone is different— for some, coping through fiction or even just enjoying it would come in the form of escapism into worlds that have absolutely nothing to do with real-world matters, and for others, seeing their own issues or the world they live in depicted in media they find happiness in may build a sense of comfort, solace and relatability to something they already love. How is that so unbelievably difficult to grasp?
I’m obviously not saying everyone should go and expose themselves to uncomfortable or potentially triggering content because it “exists for a reason”, I don’t think anyone sane would even think that’s what I mean here, all I’m saying is that it’s so unbelievably stupid for your entire worldview to be “everything sad or dark is horrible because it makes other people sad and that’s bad, all media has to be happy”, and if I hadn’t lived with someone like that, I wouldn’t even think people like this truly existed. It’s so hard to even formulate a proper argument to this, because you’d think it’s common sense that a lot of people vent out emotions and experiences through fiction or other forms of media, and that alone will always prevail no matter where humanity is at the time— as evidenced by all of literary history— and it’s necessary for so many people to do. I can very much respect if my roommate, whom I’d been arguing with on this, enjoys their fiction sanitized and that’s what brings them enjoyment, but I’d also like for it to go both ways, in the form that they’d also be able to acknowledge that all the art I make won’t be “sunshine and roses”, because I’m one of the people who need this sort of outlet, and they don’t have to personally be a fan of it, but I’d seriously appreciate being able to at least finish a sentence without them interjecting how absolutely terrible everything I ever do is because it’s just sad, and it would be so much better if I just drew or wrote something happier.
People who feel up to creating happy media will do so, and you can continue to consume it as you wish, nobody is trying to take it away. Not everything has to be "deep", with some kind of underlying meaning or darker theme included in it, some things can just be light to make one feel better in the moment, and I don’t think anyone is fighting against that, so why are some people fighting against the opposite, that of which is clearly made for a different audience, not someone who knows they won’t enjoy it? This also pisses me off on a bit of a broader note, as I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say media literacy is going to Hell these days, I tend to see people ignoring or watering down certain things in fiction they don’t want to acknowledge out of discomfort with something so “dark”, and while I can understand it to an extent— nuance obviously being a thing here, especially if it’s something personal— I think a good chunk of people approach this from the same side as my roommate, that being seeing it as unnecessarily dark and something that shouldn’t even be there, something which ruins the experience for the reader/watcher/etc. or something which brings more sadness into the world, and I cannot stress enough how absolutely braindead this take is.
I’m very sorry for the harsh words here, but as an artist myself, I would rather have someone not perceive any of my work at all than come to me, cherry-pick the content of mine which makes them feel nice and completely throw away or ignore everything that they personally don’t like, don’t want to see and will proceed to demonize both me and my works for. In my own case, I’ve had to actively hide my work from my roommate, because they wouldn’t stop wanting to see it, only to then turn around and tell me how much better it would be if it wasn’t so dark and sad— hey, maybe it’s not made for you, then! And while I could say that perhaps there could be an exception made for people who may enjoy certain media that happens to have something as a very personal trigger in it, as someone who could be said to belong in this category, I have to say I can't even agree with that much. You're free to not engage with something and avoid it for whatever reason you may have, even if you'd still like to engage with the rest of said media, that's completely understandable and I've been there, but to then go and demonize said thing and paint it as a universal evil to depict anywhere is not the way to go, and if you can't help but go and complain to people or outright insult those who may enjoy or just talk about said thing and treat them like they're scum for not sticking their pitchforks out at it as well, my only advice would be to either work on that or leave the whole media behind for your own sake, as well as the sake of others, if the former is not possible. As much as you yourself deserve peace from content you may find upsetting, both the community surrounding it and the author themselves also deserve to find peace in sharing their own art or personal experiences through it, that of which holds no more or less weight than anyone else's perception of it.
To share a personal anecdote on that, even now, this whole conversation/argument started with me speaking of a show that I refuse to watch, as there is a part of it which is a slight trigger for me, but you won’t find me on the frontlines fighting against it— no, you’ll just find me not engaging with it personally, because I know damn well some people out there are grateful for its existence, and I would never dare to try and take that away from them because I personally find it upsetting. While it may sometimes be used for utterly despicable things, overall, it’s a blessing to have this sort of media freedom nowadays, which is constantly being threatened in all sorts of ways— e.g. laws, book bans, censorship, and so on— and to think there’s people still rallying to remove content they’re uncomfortable with because it’s “dark” is downright ridiculous if put into any amount of historical context, but it’s usually impossible to even have this conversation about it, because as soon as you mention how terribly that has gone in history and what an impact it leaves on both the artists and consumers in general even to this day, that’s also too “dark” to listen to for the people sharing this sentiment.
Now, ignoring the more sensitive side of this matter and going back to people that just do it for the sake of nothing other than a one-dimensional view of the world that should revolve around their own sense of comfort— I’ll go ahead and admit that actually, the fact that I personally have devoted nearly six years to learning about Arthur Rimbaud both IRL and in BSD, or the fact that my actual favorite fandom as a whole is Litchi Hikari Club, are both exceptions to me, as I typically don’t do well with certain serious themes and concepts either and would rather stay away from them, but the fact of the matter is, these “horrible” things exist, they have existed since forever and they unfortunately will inevitably continue to exist, and art is one of the main ways people bring light to them or even just find a community, a sense of belonging or peace, solidarity and so on. I have absolutely no right, as a person, to be dictating what someone does with their own experience of life or whether it's "right" of them to do as little as create content about it openly, and neither does anybody else— for so many people, art is deeply personal to them, and I can’t quite comprehend how utterly shallow must someone be to think that just because it makes someone uncomfortable, it’s bad. I sadly don’t remember who said it, but the quote “art exists to disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed” is very, very relevant, and to be honest, just because you feel disturbed by something doesn’t mean you can’t just look away, scroll past and so on. There are so, so many people out there who desperately wish they could just do the same for their own experiences, but they cannot, and some people still sit here, whining about how it makes them sad to think about, thus it’s the source of all evil in this world and they're the ones being the victim here because they have to witness something so "depressing", even though nobody is forcing them to.
It’s so egoistic, to be frank.
#text post#nonfandom#non fandom#asachuu#I pray this doesn't get misinterpreted for the sole reason of bringing up the more sensitive side to this#I promise that's just because I know what it's like to be faced with something triggering/upsetting in media I already enjoy#it really is just about the reaction and I do have faith in most people to have sense about it#but I sadly have seen those who also think their experience is a free pass to demonize something#I hate that I'm anxious about leaving that part in because I know the internet is so black and white#also just to add#while I do think distancing oneself from things can be healthy and should be exercised more by some#one should also not live in a complete bubble ignoring everything that's going on#by ignoring or censoring something you won't remove the thing itself#to think it'll disappear if you just don't like it and don't see it is rather illogical#not only will it be there but it'll just lead to those affected losing their safety of expression#be it personally around you or more broadly if it affects laws and legislation#anyway God I hope I worded this right because I do feel strongly about this#I've never been able to talk about any of my art in my own house and have to mostly hide it#it feels horrible to have your own work be looked at as the source of the world's problems#even if it's cathartic for you to create and actually helps you deal with things#as well as potentially serving as such for your audience at times too
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Cyberpunk 2077 is awful and I'm tired of people insisting it's not. I miss the bugs, they were fun, they made the game somewhat entertaining. Well, I shouldn't say I miss them. I've tried playing this garbage fire even after the release of Phantom Liberty I still haven't had an experience playing the game without some disruptive bug or glitch occurring. They aren't as all consuming anymore but it seems something at the very core of this digital rotten lasagna is fundamentally broken.
The story is shallow. Characters are introduced and die too fast and often for me to really give a shit. The best example is Jacky. Not only is he the earliest but he's clearly the one the game wants me to be the most upset about but why? Most of the character development between V and Jacky happens via montage and after that he's barely around until his insanely predictable death. He feels like a somehow more underwritten Fast and Furious character.
But who cares. A good game can survive a shallow and unintersting story. Is the gameplay fun? No.
Its trying to desperately to create the same sandbox experience as GTA without nearly the amount of variety that makes GTA fun to playa me explore. The world is empty, 99% of weapons all feel the same, the shallow gimmicks thrown into the weapon pool like tech guns or mantis blades hardly have any impact, there's not much reason to experiment with your load out. And with such a bare world there's not much reason to want to.
And the RPG mechanics... Calling them that feels like an insult to RPGs. They're somehow worthless and overpowered simultaneously. In regular gameplay you'll rarely if ever notice their presence, while in stealth they render the game downright trivial. You turn off people's fucking eyeballs in stealth, just turn them off. If you wanna play easy mode regardless of difficulty, just build into stealth.
The games messaging might just be the worst part. It's so backwards and inconsistent I can't tell if any message was actually intended at all. The game clearly wants you to believe it's making some statement but constantly tries to contradict itself. The game tells you cyberpsychosis can be treated and repeatedly reinforces to you the people experiencing it aren't in control of their own actions, but you still beat them to a pulp anyways. You basically kill them but nicer and without the game telling you their dead so despite the fact you shot bullets at them until they ragdolled don't worry it's different this time, they're FIIIIIIIIIIINE. No opportunity to de-escalate the situation, no trying to talk them through this, no anything one might actually do when trying to help someone experiencing a mental break.
But when fucking ROBOT CARS are going ballistic that's when you talk them down and a have a heart to heart? With fucking Cars? CARS?!
I wanted to like this game. I went into every gameplay session hoping to enjoy this game. I repeatedly open mindedly entered this game and made serious attempts to find something to enjoy about it. But I can't. Everyone endlessly praises this game as a masterpiece, I've seen it in so many "BEST [GAME GENRE] OF ALL TIME" lists, even from sources I actually respect the opinions of otherwise and it makes me feel like I'm taking crazy pills every time I boot up this irredeemably dog shit waste of gigabytes.
How in the hell does this game have such a good reputation when there doesn't seem to be even a single lone redeemable aspect of it. Even things I just don't have the energy to discuss, the boring design of the open world that feels like the most cookie cutter, by the numbers cyberpunk aesthetic I've ever seen, the characters designs that range from boring to characters like Adam Smashers who are such walking garbage piles it'd make a Micheal Bay cybertronian blush, it's just so unbelievably bad....
What an insult to the entire cyberpunk genre, both the game itself and the undeserved praise...
Edit: Haven't watched edgrunners, not going to
#Gaming#Rant#cyberpunk#not gonna tag 2077#if you like it that's fine obviously#but im tired of giving this trash heap chances#and no im not gonna buy phantom liberty#why would i pay for more of the game i already hate?#i don't care if Idris Elba's impossibly sexy voice is in it#fps#rpg#fandom#overrated#seriously im not sure the term overrated has ever been so applicable#hate#hate post#bad games#like actually really fucking bad games#development hell leads to yet another steaming pile of dogshit#worst game of the year it launched#unquestionably#not really a discussion#just ranting#feel free to try and change my mind ig#but you'll be fighting an extremely steep uphill battle against my actual experience playing it#genuinely didnt go in in bad faith#i never WANT to hate a game#generally im much more fogiving of “bad” games than most people#its difficult to get me to this point#and yet when one actually does it it's one everybody loves
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That last addition, this is important to note. I've been lurking on Pixiv and JP/KR/CN twitter for a long time, so remember this very well: CP IN JP/KR/CN/etc. FANDOM SHIPPING CONTEXT MEANS "COUPLE", NOT GODDAMN CSEM
Ngl, I know very well what that abbreviation means in JP/KR/CN twitter and Pixiv, but holy shit, it never fails to give me heart attacks knowing that some North American cuntfuck might probably go apeshit and harrass East-Asian artists for using CP (COUPLE) as a term for discussing ships
East Asian fanartists are starting to migrate back to Tumblr because Twitter is insane, toxic, and dying, and what we're NOT going to do is let the fucking exclusionists get them, do you hear me? We are not going to let a bunch of feral idiots try to apply the most myopic version of puritanism to foreign artists we're not we're not we're not. Form an armed brigade if you have to, do you hear me. We're not going to bully the artists who may or may not even speak English because we have our precious standards of moral purity. If we see art that makes us uncomfy we're going to block the artist and tumblr savior their name so we don't have to see them again AND WE'RE GONNA MOVE THE FUCK ON.
#tw CSEM mention#tw CSA mention#tw cp mention#You think I'm American? Lmao FUCK NO#When I see ships or characters that I absolutely fucking loathed#I'll take a moment to swear up a storm in the peace of my own bedroom#Then block that artist/writer move on with my life and forget they even exist#I have very little free time so you bet your ass I curate my fandom experience for my peace of mind#I ain't wasting hours working myself into a frenzy about the laundry lists of war crimes the characters commit#or how exactly dysfunctional and questionable a ship is#“If it's shit on first glance Block and move on” that's my fandom motto#Also I absolutely hated how serious and distressing issues like csa and csem has their terms misused and abused#Just for a gotcha moment in a fandom activity that basically playing with action figures in our minds
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Fanfic doesn't have to be "good"
Since going through another Goodreads debacle and thinking about reviewing fics, and the amount of criticism of fics I've seen on tiktok recently... I have a few other things I need to say on this topic and entitlement in fandom:
I'm going to say this for the people in the back, and maybe I'm talking to a brick wall, but it is not ever okay to speak negatively about fics in public spaces. It doesn't matter how big or untouchable the author or fic might seem, or alternatively, how small, or how old the work is. That was written by a normal person for fun, with no monetary gain and zero compensation. You have no right to speak on it negatively.
Firstly, everyone has personal opinions and likes, and SECONDLY FANFIC DOESN'T HAVE TO BE GOOD. This might sound controversial, and yes so many fics are actual works of art. I've seen so much talent and labor of love in fandom I'm in awe, but there's no standard fanfic is required to meet. There's no quality threshold, there's no amount of effort you're required to put into it.
If you keep shitting on fics, you're going to scare people away from writing for fear that they're going to write something "bad" or that falls under your criticisms. A lot of fic authors have no formal or professional writing experience or education. And they don't need to! Because this is fanfic, and if it was all professional they'd be in publishing.
So stop shitting on fics, not only is it rude, but you're not owed anything!! You're not owed well-edited, typo-less fics, you're not owed hundreds of thousands of words, you're not owed the characterizations and headcanons you like, you're not owed regular updates or completed works. You have no entitlement or right to any of those things.
You are not owed anything, and you're scaring people away from fanfic and fandom with your negativity and hatefulness. We do this for fun, and it stops being fun when you have to deal with people being cruel, disrespecting you and your work, posting it places you explicitly request they not, pestering you, being rude or entitled, etc, etc. I've had to file an actual copyright claim before over fucking fanfic, and it's moments like that where you have to wonder wtf is happening and why you're doing all this. The climate in fandom has become so entitled and if we keep conducting ourselves this way, we're going to scare people away, and you'll have even less content.
So just remember fic is free and a hobby, and you have no right to demand anything of it.
#it's been a long time since I've gotten on a soapbox#but this is the second time recently#I've just been sitting on a lot of thoughts for the past like eight months since I stopped with the tumblr soapbox#so I hope you bear with me#fandom#fandom culture#fandom etiquette#fanfic#fanfiction#ao3#archive of our own#ao3 fanfic#marauders#jegulus
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Love so toxic, it burns.
In where Diluc (my beloved) realizes he cannot endure one more day apart from you.
[Continuation of this]
Fandom: Genshin Impact Pairings: Yandere!Diluc x AFAB!Reader Warnings: Yandere, Sexual Content (Non-Con turning into Dub-Con, Nipple teasing, Fondling, Bareback Sex, Creampie, Being dominated, Light dirty talk), Forced Relationship, Obsessive Love, Kidnapping, Long Post Prompt: @sintember I love you - I do I do I do I do I do.
»»———————— ♡ ————————««
Your back hit the mattress, the most luxurious softness money could buy enveloping you while the grip of the most deranged, unstable mind you knew around your wrists tightened, drawing you back to reality. It felt like a fever dream, a nightmare. Finding your captor, the bane of your existence, in your room—your closet of all places—was bad enough. Cock strutting from his loosely opened pants, squirting hot semen all over your freshly washed body, was nothing short of the most horrifying experience you could have ever imagined.
And it didn't stop there.
Awfully aware of the bareness of your skin, shame in the form of heat pooled inside your head, making you burn from the inside out. You'd underestimated Diluc, thought him to be prim and proper, when really, you should have realized a long time ago what kind of beast he was. A force to be reckoned with, an animal waiting to pounce. All this time, you deemed him mad but harmless. You, on the other hand, had always been vulnerable, helpless, and exposed to his desires. You had chosen to be ignorant.
Oh, how wrong you had been.
"Let me go!" you demanded, and although ashamed, you looked Diluc straight into his eyes. There wasn't much besides a fiery glow, the red resembling rubies, smothered in flames and fueled by a sickening affection. Even when you strained your wrists in his grasp, his fingers tightening every time you freed an inch from his hold, he didn't seem to hear you, perhaps ignoring you deliberately.
You watched him swallow hard, the most recognition you had received until now, yet he didn't move. Didn't say a word. His tongue appeared between his lips, and you thought he was going to kiss you, so you reflexively turned your head away. But instead, his head lowered to your chest, capturing one of your nipples in his mouth.
Jolting, you arched your back, your body pressing upwards. Your breast molded against Diluc's face, and he moaned into it, your whole ribcage shuddering from the sound. He slipped one hand off your wrists and captured the mound from below, sucking on your nipple with even better access. And you hit back, your now free palm slamming into his shoulder repeatedly, trying to pry him off.
When his teeth found hold, you stilled in shock, gasping.
The slamming of your hand turned into nails digging into Diluc's exposed neck, clawing red marks into his skin to the point it broke. Diluc moaned, using his tongue to tease you. You hated it, you hated every one of his caresses. So why. Why, when he let go of your other hand, too, driving his own down your body, over your stomach, your hips, and between your legs, did he find wetness stuck to your skin? Allowing him to easily slip through your folds, pry at your clit that throbbed impatiently?
Had it been so long since you've been touched with something other than the dutiful skill of the personnel that dwelled in this house, that your body craved the intimacy? Did you perhaps find yourself fond of the teasing and the desire of your captor? You had avoided him so much, ignored and scorned him; you didn't even remember parts of his features, but new ones were burned into your mind now. Like the awkwardness of his tongue as it tried to taste and play with your breast at the same time, greedily lapping, or the slight shiver from his hand between your legs as it found purchase where you didn't want it.
Diluc tried to push past your entrance, and you bit your lip in a mix of disgust and desire, hard enough to taste iron on your tongue. But he hesitated, retreating and allowing you to snap your legs shut, the spreading wetness only mildly reminding you of your failure to protect yourself from him.
Tearing away from your breast, you watched as he stretched his back, standing tall before you and staring at your juices coating most of his hand. Said hand tentatively raised to his face, and with a shuddering breath, he seemed to lose all composure, licking square over his palm like a thirsty dog. You watched in horrifying awe as he groaned, head falling to the side, a distant look on his face as he cast his gaze downwards.
Yours followed, unable to look away.
Spreading his hand wide open, you saw the strings of juices and drool netting in the gaps between his fingers, yet he enveloped his cock in it without hesitation, mixing your juices on top of the bopping, eager monstrosity impatiently waiting for its turn. It seemed like a rough jerk as he pumped his hand up and down, but you soon heard the squelching of wet skin, involuntarily making you clasp your legs together even tighter, your core filling with warmth.
You had to get away.
Fear filled you, unfiltered, pure panic rising. There was a slowly rising sense of desire clawing its way out of the depths you put it in, but no matter how much you pushed back, it grew bigger and stronger with every stroke of Diluc's hand on his cock. Adrenaline flooded your blood, and you could feel every muscle tense to the point of almost snapping apart. You had to do something—kick, punch, scream! Anything to make him stop.
Diluc had said nothing and didn't make his intention clear verbally. But as you watched him vigorously stroke his cock while looking at the triangle formed by your pussy and legs, you knew exactly what was going to happen.
Your body was already maltreated, bitten, licked, and touched in ways you didn't want to be. Diluc had already made you miserable with his passion, flooded your senses with jolts of joy that weren't his to induce. You owed this man nothing. He was a pitiful piece of shit. He didn't deserve to see or give you pleasure—much less join you in it. And you couldn't continue to let him treat you this way.
Treat you as if you belonged to him.
But instead of kicking, only your eyes widened as he sunk to his knees, cock still tightly gripped in his hand, and for the first time since this assault started, he looked up at you, saw you. Recognized the fear, anger, and anxiety raging inside of you. But instead of regret and sorrow like usually—the reluctance he showed even though he wanted to be with you—all you saw in his expression was the unwavering determination of a man that was sure of what he was doing. Someone who had made up his mind. The most dangerous beast of them all.
"Open your legs," he demanded, placing a threatening hand on one of your knees. "Show me how wet you are. That you are ready for me."
He'd never spoken to you like this in all the time you've been with him. You'd never heard him order you for his own pleasure—or perhaps he always had, and you simply ignored it. But this time, it made you shiver. Shiver like only someone expecting to have sex would. A pang of betrayal of your own body went through you, forcing a shuddering breath from your lips that was met with a sigh from Diluc's. And then, for just a moment, Diluc broke the mesmerizing spell as he added a miserable, "Please."
Please tell me you're ready. Please let me fuck you. Please end my suffering.
One word, so many meanings, and you wondered why you'd even considered for a moment doing it. To avoid the fight? Get your own needs met? Feel something for a change instead of the daily, monotonous boredom you had long made peace with?
"Why would I?" you returned the question, and you saw his determination falter, the moment ruined as was the mood. Usually, that would be enough to break his spirit, put Diluc back in his place, and remind him of what kind of person he was.
But not this time.
"Because otherwise, I will pry them open, bruise your beautiful skin if I must to get what I want. I will own you tonight. Will make you mine, so every time I come into this room from today onwards, you'll be reminded of what I did to you tonight. So that you'll be wet forever more, desperate to feel me inside again."
He gulped, his own words registering in his mind. "I'll make you love me tonight, so you know what it's like to crave someone to the point it makes you mad. And you will enjoy it, so don't make me repeat it again. Open your legs."
A battle ensued inside of you, a war so ferocious and unkind between your need to stay in control and the want to let go of it. Here was someone devoted, obsessed with you, ready to fulfill your every need despite the horrors he made you endure daily. You could use him, enjoy it, and perhaps gain some will to live afterward if the longing for human touch and love was finally soothed. But could you live with the shame? Remembering his hands, his mouth, his cock? Could your mental health withstand the presence of your captor burned into your mind?
Did it make a difference which one you chose?
You'd be miserable either way. He'd not stop even if you didn't obey. He'd not vanish, whether it meant taking you willingly or unwillingly. His presence would still be burned inside your mind, still eat at your table, still try to make small talk even if you didn't answer him. You'd not be better off just because you kept your dignity. Pride meant nothing in this house where no one recognized you as a free, self-owned person.
You'd long been defeated, you simply didn't want to recognize it.
Tears welled up in your eyes, and you slowly unfurled your clasped legs, Diluc's shameless gaze falling to his place of desire. You caught him sniffing the air before he groaned, the pumping of his hand below your line of sight getting even more vicious. You fell back into the mattress, sobbing behind your hand, muffling the sound. Still, the misery that threatened to overtake you was cut down violently by the pleasure your compliance brought.
Diluc surged forward, burying his head between your legs. You felt all of his face nestled against the hot, sensitive skin of your pussy, lips trembling against yours while his breath burned away your own heat. His nose was stuck at the top of your folds, clashing with your clit ever so often as he let his jaw slack, tongue starting roaming from the very bottom to the top, slurping up all the leakage he could reach.
You were torn from your defeat when Diluc's mouth found the pleasure of wrapping around your clit, sucking it in. He didn't need teeth nor tongue to make your fingers grasp for his hair; didn't need support as you arched your back. Yet he grabbed your waist with the devotion of a lover and pleasured you once he found the holy grail of sensitivity between your legs.
By the time your feet curled and breathless moans and shrieks escaped you, those legs were wrapped around his head, his breath now matching the heat from your pussy, and his worshipping forcing an explosion. It was a high you were reluctant to come down from. But thanks to Diluc, the crash wasn't a crash at all. It was a slowly drawn-out symphony that got quieter the longer he directed it until it faded with a pleasant tingle left behind.
Your eyes met as he rose above you, staring down at your undone form. Your chests were heaving with the severity of what had just happened, the chemistry you'd denied so long having served its purpose. Sometimes, you feared, it was true that fucking your enemy was the one unforgivable sin that gave more than it took. There was only one thing left now. One eager, lonely thing.
When Diluc hoisted your legs back over his shoulders, grabbing your midriff to move you further up the bed, you didn't move an inch, didn't help him. What he wanted, he needed to earn. If he wanted to have you so badly, he had to do the work for it. And he did. Never grumbling, never complaining while he left trails of kisses behind as he hovered above you, positioning the tip of his cock to your entrance.
The moment you did move, did struggle was as he pressed forward, burying himself inside of you in a long, dragging motion. You'd just come, your sensitivity tightening everything, and his cock, on the other hand, was an underestimated mass invading you. A feeling of fullness, paired with the moans from both of your mouths, was something you'd never again forget. The way he was bulging you out from inside, the throb as his cock threatened to explode right then and there, and the desperate wrapping of your walls to keep yourself sane and safe from the overstimulation.
It was all etched inside of you now, whether you wanted it.
This would be the only dick you could ever have. A burning hot rod of love. Dragging his hips back caused you to cry out and Diluc to groan, but all sounds vanished as he snapped it back in place, sinking every inch into you. You may have hated this man, but you had been wrong not to believe him when he said he'd make you remember this every time you'd see him.
How could you possibly forget?
"I love you!" he grunted, slamming his shaft back inside. "I love you! I love you!"
With every confession, his pace quickened, words of adoration raining down on you while his cock forged its shape into your pussy. The heat was unbearable, desire stoking flames and sending them straight to your core that buzzed with delight. Your orgasm was so close, but so was his. The man you hated more than anything ever in your life had now burned his place inside you and made sure to keep all his promises.
You were his now, for however long this moment was to last.
He came to own your body and, with the second orgasm, also your mind.
Making you forever remember the feeling of his hot seed spurting inside you as he held you tightly against him, your spasms only driving his cock further inside.
You screamed and rejoiced, laughed and choked on your own sobs at the same time. It was sad. The joy, the pleasure, and the sounds of ecstasy were sad reminders of how Diluc had won. How his disgusting, abusive love had spread like venom through you. He didn't move from you for a long time, but when he did, the feeling of his jizz running down your legs felt like poison—like pure toxin—against your skin.
Toxin that had befuddled your mind by making you crave pleasure—crave the feeling of being loved. Diluc was kissing you over and over, even as his cock slipped out of you while he tried to cover more of your body with his own, pressing you against himself with a sort of desperation. As if he had to feel as much as possible, or else he might regret not getting his fill of you.
But everywhere your skin touched his, it burned. The heat of his body, the tongue working inside your mouth, his cock rubbing over your tender, exposed pussy. You were increasingly convinced he was secreting some kind of toxin, perhaps his pheromones or simply his love for you.
Because you let him.
That night, you let him do as he pleased, kiss what he wanted, fuck you as much as he desired. As if you had lost your mind.
Because just this once, you craved it. Craved his attention, his devotion, the way he allowed you to let go and forget the awful situation you were in just for one night. You had allowed him to show you how to crave him in the same way he longed for you. And although you'd regret it in the morning, you didn't let him leave your bed that night—leave you.
Even though you knew his flames—his love—would burn you alive one day as you stoked the fire again and again.
#Diluc#yandere diluc#yandere!diluc#diluc ragnvindr#sintember 2024#genshin#genshin impact#yandere genshin#yandere!genshin#yandere genshin impact#yandere!genshin impact#yandere#yandere imagines#yandere headcanons#yandere scenarios#yandere fanfiction#yandere writing#yandere stories#yandere oneshots#yandere oneshot#yandere drabble#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#Yandere TW
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Since Forever
SUMMARY: After a harrowing near-death experience in the sky when a routine training exercise goes wrong, you and Jake are forced to confront the unspoken tension that's always simmered between you. With a crash landing and a moment that changes everything, the line between squadmates and something more begins to blur.
A/N: Thank you to the person who sent this request in! I'm sorry it's been like 3 weeks since you sent it in, but hopefully, it's worth the wait! Hope you enjoy it! xx
WARNINGS: Angst, Mutual Pining, Plane Crash (Smoke, Impact, Head Injury, Blood), Cussing
WORD COUNT: 3.6k
TAG LIST: IN COMMENTS
If you would like to be added to any of my Tag Lists please feel free to comment, send an ask, or send a DM and I'll be happy to get you added! Below are the fandoms I currently write for.
Glen Powell: Himself (RPF), Characters He's Played
Twisters: Tyler Owens, Boone, Scott, Javi
Top Gun: Maverick: Rooster, Hangman, Bob
Marvel/MCU: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers
WWE/Wrestling: Cody Rhodes, Corey Graves, Damian Priest, Drew McIntyre, Finn Balor, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Kevin Owens, L.A. Knight, Pat McAfee, Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins (if there is someone you're thinking of from WWE and they aren't on the list feel free to ask! There are so many guys on the roster that these were the ones that came to mind.)
The dry California air carried the hum of activity on the tarmac, the heat shimmering in waves off the asphalt as you stood in your flight suit, clipboard in hand. The roar of jets echoed in the background, a familiar symphony you’d grown accustomed to over the years. North Island was as bustling as ever, a mix of old faces and new ones prepping for the upcoming training exercises.
You were focused on your pre-flight checks, meticulously going over every detail on your clipboard. Attention to detail had always been your strong suit, something that had earned you respect in the cockpit and plenty of snide comments from one particular squad mate.
“Still babysitting that clipboard, Ace?”
You didn’t have to look up to know who it was. Jake “Hangman” Seresin’s voice was unmistakable—smooth, cocky, and always laced with that infuriating Texan drawl.
“Still babysitting your ego, Bagman?” you shot back without missing a beat, your eyes remaining on your checklist.
From the corner of your eye, you saw him saunter closer, his helmet tucked under one arm, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. Jake had a way of walking that oozed confidence, like he owned every space he entered. It was both maddening and, if you were honest with yourself, slightly impressive.
“Touché,” he drawled, stopping a few feet away. “But seriously, Ace, you’ve been doing this long enough to know the damn thing’s not going to sprout wings and fly off without you.”
You finally glanced up, arching a brow at him. “Says the guy who spent fifteen minutes arguing with the crew chief yesterday about the ‘perfect’ alignment of his seat harness.”
“That’s called being thorough,” Jake replied, unfazed. “You should try it sometime.”
You rolled your eyes, turning your attention back to your jet. “Is there something you actually need, or are you just here to be a pain in my ass?”
Jake’s grin widened. “Can’t a guy check in on his favorite squad mate?”
“Favorite?” you echoed, snorting. “You must be losing your touch, Hangman. Last time I checked, I was the one gunning for top marks on this run.”
“That’s what makes you my favorite,” he said smoothly, his tone dropping just enough to make your stomach do a small, unwelcome flip.
You hated how he could do that—how he could make the simplest comment sound like it was loaded with a thousand unspoken things. It was part of the tension that had simmered between you two for years, a strange, undefined thing neither of you had ever acknowledged out loud.
“Well, don’t get too comfortable,” you replied, setting your clipboard down. “I’ve got a jet to fly, and you’ve got an ego to stroke somewhere else.”
Jake tilted his head, his green eyes glinting with amusement. “Careful, Ace. One of these days, that sharp tongue of yours is gonna get you in trouble.”
You stepped closer, narrowing your eyes at him as you adjusted the strap on your helmet. “And one of these days, Seresin, you’re going to realize that not everyone is impressed by your southern charm.”
For a moment, neither of you moved. It was like a standoff, the air crackling with the kind of tension that was all too familiar between the two of you. Then Jake stepped back, a soft chuckle escaping him as he raised his hands in mock surrender.
“Fair enough,” he said, his grin still firmly in place. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
He turned and started walking toward his jet, his gait as cocky as ever. You shook your head, exhaling slowly as you tried to refocus on the task at hand.
Damn him.
Even now, years after you’d first met, Jake Seresin still had the ability to get under your skin in a way no one else could. And despite the irritation bubbling in your chest, you couldn’t entirely shake the small, secret part of you that liked it.
* * * *
The sky was a perfect blue—no clouds, just an endless expanse stretching out in front of you. It was supposed to be a simple exercise, just another day in the air, but your instincts had been nagging at you all morning. Something felt off.
You were flying at full throttle, running through the mission parameters, your fingers lightly grazing the controls as you focused on the task at hand. In the distance, you could see Jake’s jet—smooth and precise, cutting through the air just like always. You kept your distance, the tension between you two still palpable, even miles above the earth.
Then, without warning, the engine sputtered.
"Shit," you muttered under your breath, eyes flicking to the gauges. The warning lights blinked red, and your stomach dropped like a stone. The engine—your primary engine—locked up.
“Ace, you copy?” The crackling voice of your Captain came through your comms, sharp and urgent. “What’s your status?”
You took a steadying breath, trying to keep your pulse under control. The jet was starting to lose altitude, slowly at first, but it wasn’t going to be slow for long.
“Engine’s locked,” you said, voice tight. You glanced down at your instruments again, hoping for a miracle. “I’m losing power. Going down.”
Jake’s voice exploded through your earpiece. “Don’t do anything stupid, Ace. You hear me? Eject if you have to!”
The words felt like a slap in the face. He was always the first one to play the hero, always telling you what to do like you were some rookie.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Seresin,” you snapped, teeth gritting as you struggled to maintain control. You banked hard to the left, trying to level out, but the jet was sluggish—too sluggish. It was dropping faster now, and the ground was coming up at you way too quickly. “I’m not ejecting.”
“I said—” Jake’s voice broke through again, but you could already hear the Captain cutting him off.
“Ace, listen to me. You have two options right now,” the Captain said, his tone firm, no room for negotiation. “Eject, or try to bring her in. But you don’t have much altitude left.”
You had a split second to make a choice. The sky was shrinking, the earth creeping closer with every heartbeat. Your mind raced—ejecting would be easy, sure. But it would cost you the plane, and it would mean another mission down the drain. And there was always that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you had to rely on someone else to pull you from the wreckage.
You focused, blocking out the voices in your comms, focusing on the controls, on what you could do.
You had one good engine. It wasn’t ideal, but you had just enough altitude to make a hard landing. If you timed it right.
“I’m landing this bird,” you said, your voice steely with determination. You could feel the sweat building under your helmet, your pulse pounding in your ears, but your hands were steady. “I’ve got this.”
“Ace!” Jake’s voice came again, a mix of frustration and panic threading through his words. “You don’t have the altitude—”
“Shut up, Seresin,” you cut him off, your jaw clenched as you took a deep breath. The ground was closing in fast now, the harsh reality of the situation crashing over you. You had seconds to decide how you were going to do this. You could almost hear your heartbeat in your throat as you worked the throttle, pushing the remaining engine to its limits.
“Ace, eject now!” Jake was practically shouting now, but you didn’t have the time to argue. You were already lining up the rough terrain, calculating the risks in your head. You’d done it before—this was just another challenge to overcome. “If you crash—”
“I said I’ve got this!” you growled, pushing the throttle forward and making a last-ditch effort to pull the jet back into some semblance of control.
The sound of the engine was sickening now, almost wheezing, but it was still holding on. You could feel the nose of the plane dip, and you knew it was time. There was no turning back now.
You aimed for the small strip of flat ground, mentally calculating the distance between you and the crash site, praying to every deity that you could pull this off.
The jet dropped faster.
Your stomach lurched.
You could hear the voices of your team—your Captain—fading in the background, their instructions turning into static. All you could hear now was the roar of the engine, your breath, and the sound of your own heart pounding in your ears.
And then the wheels hit the earth. It was harder than you expected. The jet groaned under the strain, the fuselage screeching as you fought for control. The wheels bounced once, twice, and the jet jerked to the side as you fought the controls with everything you had left. The impact was brutal. You slammed into the seat, the world going black for a split second before your mind jolted back into reality.
Your head throbbed, a sharp pain searing behind your eyes. You blinked rapidly, trying to focus, but everything felt off. Dizzy. The pain was sharp, but you couldn’t focus on it now.
Your hands still gripped the controls like you were trying to hold the whole world together. You could feel the tension in your neck, the tremor in your hands.
And then, the voice you hadn’t realized you were waiting for came through your comms, strained and desperate:
“Ace, talk to me. Are you okay?”
You were silent for a moment, trying to find your bearings. The crash had knocked the wind out of you, but you had to focus. You had to focus.
“I’m... fine,” you gritted out. Your vision was blurry, your head swimming, but you needed to keep it together. “I just need to—”
The world went black for a few moments. The crash had been rough, everything moving too fast, and then you were suddenly weightless, disoriented, and struggling to remember how you had even ended up in this situation. The impact had jarred you, rattling your body so hard you weren’t sure which way was up. The cockpit was filled with smoke, the once-pristine view of the sky now replaced by the harsh, metallic scent of burning fuel.
You could hear the sounds of the control tower in your headset, distant voices now muffled and indistinct. Your head throbbed, dizziness clouding your thoughts. Something was wrong—you were wrong—but the panic started to subside as your mind tried to latch onto something, anything familiar.
The sound of a plane's engines revving pierced the air, and that was when you realized you weren’t alone anymore. Jake's voice cut through the haze.
"Stay with me, Ace, I’m almost there" he barked, his tone uncharacteristically sharp, the usual cocky bravado gone. His voice was full of urgency, tight with a level of fear you hadn’t expected to hear.
You managed to open your eyes, the world around you spinning, but through the haze, you saw his plane descending in the distance—he was landing, landing without permission. Your heart skipped a beat, knowing he was disregarding protocol to get to you.
Within seconds, Jake's jet was on the ground, its wheels screeching as it touched down, and he was already sprinting toward you. There was no waiting for rescue teams, no giving orders. It was just him, and you.
Your chest was tight, your breath shallow, and for a brief moment, you wondered if it was all just a nightmare. Then, through the haze of your spinning mind, Jake’s face appeared—his eyes wide, his expression frantic as he reached the wreckage.
Without hesitation, he pulled open the hatch, the cockpit door groaning under the force. He didn’t hesitate, didn’t waste a second. He carefully pulled your helmet off of you. His eyes moving to the blood that was caused from the impact. His hands then started working to undo your harness, fingers shaking as he snapped the straps free, pulling you into his arms before you could even comprehend what was happening.
His breath was frantic, like he was holding it in, waiting for some kind of confirmation that you were really there. That you were still alive. And in that moment, as his arms wrapped around you, pulling you into his chest, the world started to stabilize. Your breath came in shaky gasps, your head pounding as the dizziness slowly began to fade.
You blinked a few times, trying to clear the fog from your brain. The weight of your body felt heavier than normal, your limbs still stiff from the crash. But it wasn’t just your body that felt like it was slowing down—it was your mind. Everything was racing too fast, the adrenaline still pushing you into action, but in Jake’s arms, there was a moment of stillness. A second where nothing mattered but the fact that you were safe.
"Don’t you ever do that again," Jake muttered, his voice trembling despite the tough exterior he always wore. His words hit you harder than any of the physical pain, and you felt a strange, overwhelming wave of emotion rush through you. It was as though all the walls you’d both built over the years had crumbled with one unspoken truth. Jake was scared, and in this moment, it wasn’t about flying, or missions, or protocols. It was about you.
You barely registered that you were leaning into him, your chest falling against his as you came back to yourself, your body reacting without thinking, your mind still spinning. His hands were gently running over your back, soothing you, grounding you, even though you could feel the anxiety still vibrating through him.
“J-Jake,” you stuttered.
"I'm here. I’ve got you." His words were a soft mantra, repeated over and over as if he needed to hear them as much as you did.
You shook your head, trying to clear the fog.
“I... I’m fine,” you said, your voice shaky as you pulled away slightly, lifting your head from his chest. But the moment you tried to step back, you felt his arms tighten, keeping you close. The intensity in his gaze was enough to make you stop moving entirely.
“No, you’re not fine,” he shot back, his voice low but full of conviction. His hands still rested on your back, holding you steady, like he wasn’t going to let go anytime soon. He wasn’t just holding you. He was holding you like he was terrified of losing you. “You scared the hell out of me, Ace.”
You swallowed, feeling a weight in your chest you hadn’t been prepared for. The vulnerability in his words was jarring. He had never let his guard down like this before. But there it was—raw, unfiltered concern.
The words stuck in your throat, but somehow you found yourself meeting his gaze, feeling the space between you two close, the tension palpable.
"Since when did you ever care about me like that?" The question slipped out before you could stop it, more of a breathless thought than anything.
Jake froze, his hand still on your arm as he stared at you, his jaw tight, eyes searching yours. For a moment, the world felt suspended in that one breath between you two. He didn’t back away. Instead, his face softened, his expression caught between frustration and something deeper, something he wasn’t saying.
“Since fucking forever, you idiot,” he replied, his voice thick with emotion, almost a growl.
Jake stepped closer, his hand slipping from your arm to the back of your neck, his thumb brushing the skin there in a rare, intimate gesture. The contact sent a jolt through you, and suddenly, nothing about this situation felt like just another close call. This felt like something else entirely. Something you couldn’t ignore any longer.
“I thought I was gonna lose you today,” Jake murmured, his voice low, steady now but still thick with emotion. His forehead rested against yours, his breath mingling with yours. “I can’t lose you, Ace. I don’t think I’d make it.”
The weight of his words landed heavily in your chest. The truth between you two was finally out, raw and real. You swallowed, trying to hold back the lump in your throat.
“I’m not going anywhere, Jake,” you whispered, your voice hoarse. “Not without you.”
Jake sighed and then asked you again, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” you said, your voice softer now. You still felt the ache in your head, the sharp sting in your chest, but it wasn’t nearly as important as the way Jake was looking at you now.
His hands slid down your back, lingering for a moment longer than necessary. You could see his jaw clench, the words stuck somewhere between his teeth, and then he shook his head.
“Are you? You sure as hell didn’t look fine in that damn cockpit,” he muttered, his voice low and tight. “You could’ve—You’re the closest thing I’ve got to family out here, Ace," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "I... I don’t know what I’d do without you." His words were a stark contrast to the cocky bravado he usually carried. This was real, and it was raw. "You don’t get to put me through that again, got it?"
You swallowed hard, your heart beating so fast it felt like it might explode in your chest. All the tension, all the unspoken things that had hung between you two for years, were now laid bare in the open. There was no hiding anymore. No pretending like you didn’t feel it, too.
“Jake…” you started, but the words wouldn’t come.
Instead, you pulled him down into a kiss—soft at first, tentative, but it was as if something broke open between you. You felt the fear, the relief, the longing all tangled up in that moment. His lips moved against yours, a little desperate, a little shaky, but it was real.
When you pulled away, you were both breathing heavy, eyes still locked, both of you trying to process what had just happened.
“I don’t know what this is, Jake,” you whispered, your voice trembling just slightly.
“I don’t either,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair as if trying to pull himself together.
The words hung between you two, thick with meaning. You didn’t know what was going to happen next, but for the first time in a long while, it felt like maybe you didn’t need to figure it out all at once.
You both stayed there, in the middle of the wreckage, still alive, still here—and for the first time in a long time, that was enough.
But then, all too soon, reality crashes back in.
A voice from outside the cockpit, sharp and professional, cuts through the intimacy of the moment like a splash of cold water.
“Hangman! Ace!” The search and rescue team has arrived, and the urgency in their voice snaps Jake out of his daze. “We need to get them out of there, now. Base is requesting immediate transport.”
Jake pulls back slightly, his forehead resting against yours as he takes a deep breath, like he’s trying to steady himself. His hand still lingers on your waist, the warmth of it grounding you, but his eyes betray a hesitation—reluctance to let go of the moment.
“Come on, let’s get you out of here, Ace,” he mutters under his breath, almost to himself as much as to you.
You nod, feeling your heart hammering again, but for a different reason now. His gaze softens, and there’s a flash of something unspoken between you—a promise, maybe. You can’t quite find the words for it, but you feel it deep in your bones.
The medics are waiting outside, and with one final, reluctant glance at you, Jake starts to lift you away from the cockpit. With his steady presence, and one arm around your waist, he helps you out of the cockpit.
“Easy now,” he murmurs as he guides you down, keeping you close to his chest as if he can’t bear to let you out of his arms just yet. “Take it slow.”
As soon as your feet touch the ground, the search and rescue team rushes to assist you, but Jake doesn't let go immediately. His fingers linger on your arm, his gaze flicking between you and the team as if he’s weighing something—like he’s not quite ready to leave you in someone else’s hands. He hesitates, looking like he wants to say something, but the team is already ushering you toward the waiting helicopter.
“I’m coming with you,” he says, voice firm.
“Jake, you don’t have to—” you start, but he interrupts, his tone brokering no argument.
“No. I’m staying with you.”
The hum of the helicopter’s blades is loud against your ears, but everything else seems muffled as you lie back on the stretcher, still reeling from the crash and the kiss that’s left a strange warmth in your chest. The medics are busy around you, but you can barely focus on them, your mind still racing, spinning from the events of the last few minutes.
The moment Jake climbs in beside you, his presence fills the space. He doesn't hesitate, sitting down next to your stretcher and taking your hand immediately, his fingers curling around yours like it's the only thing tethering him to reality. His face is tight with worry, but the way he holds your hand gives you a strange sense of comfort, something steady amidst the chaos.
The medics move quickly, checking your vitals and assessing your condition, but you can barely register it, your heart still thumping in your chest as the adrenaline from the crash ebbs away, leaving you exhausted. One of the medics starts to remove your flight suit, carefully peeling it off your shoulders to get a better look at any possible injuries, leaving you in nothing but a thin tank top that clings to your skin.
You feel exposed, vulnerable, as the cool air brushes against your skin. It’s an unsettling feeling, but Jake’s hand is still in yours, and when the medic starts to prod at your ribs, you squeeze his hand instinctively, a shiver running down your spine.
“Hey,” Jake murmurs, his voice low and soothing as he leans in closer, his gaze never leaving you. “Focus on me, okay? Look at me.”
His voice is calm, reassuring, and even though you're still reeling, his presence is grounding you, pulling you out of the haze of discomfort and medical poking. His thumb rubs small circles over the back of your hand as the medic continues his examination, but Jake doesn't flinch. He doesn't pull away.
“Just look at me,,” Jake repeats, his voice steady. “You’re fine. I’m here.”
You manage to meet his eyes, and the intensity of his gaze sends a strange warmth flooding through you, cutting through the nervousness. In this moment, it’s just you and him, as if the rest of the world has faded away. You want to say something—tell him that you're okay, that you don’t need all this attention—but the words get lost in your throat.
Instead, you hold onto him tighter, needing him to keep you tethered, to keep you from feeling so exposed and raw.
The medic moves on to checking your head, and you wince at the touch, the sting of pain making you flinch. Jake immediately leans forward, his hand tightening around yours as he shifts closer.
“Easy, Ace,” he murmurs. “You’re okay. Focus on me. That’s it.”
You nod, trying to focus on his words, trying to push the discomfort and the questions swirling in your mind to the back of your head. His presence is like a lifeline. His voice is the one thing that makes you feel like you’re not alone in this. Like you're not just another casualty.
“Once they’re done poking and prodding, we’re going to get you something strong to drink,” Jake says softly, the corner of his mouth quirking into a half-smile as his thumb brushes against your hand once more. “And I’m not talking about water. I’m thinking something a little more... celebratory.”
A part of you wants to laugh, but you're too exhausted, too wired from the whole experience. Still, there's a glimmer of something in Jake’s eyes now, something more than just the mission or the tension between you. There’s something new in his gaze, like a shift, and you feel it too—this unspoken understanding between you both that things are different now.
"You're gonna be the death of me, you know that?" you murmur, your voice hoarse from the adrenaline. "One minute, you're flying like a maniac, and the next, you're talking about taking me out for a drink like it's a... date."
Jake’s grin widens slightly, the kind of smile that only happens when he’s completely unguarded. “I’m thinking it’s more than a date, Ace,” he replies, squeezing your hand again. “Maybe it’s a... celebration. You know, to celebrate you not getting yourself killed.”
His tone is playful, but there’s something real behind it, a tenderness that wasn’t there before. Something that’s been waiting to come to the surface for a long time.
The helicopter ride drags on as the medics continue their work, but Jake stays by your side the entire time, never letting go of your hand, his steady presence like a quiet promise that he’s not going anywhere. His words from earlier echo in your mind, and you realize that, for the first time, you don’t feel alone. Not with him here. Not after everything you’ve been through.
When you finally land back at base, you’re still a little shaky, but the thought of what Jake said—of what he hinted at—keeps you grounded, keeps you looking forward to what comes next, whatever that is.
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