#hasbro i am begging you

[vector-prima-vectorum]

Liokaiser but with giant wings formed by Lyzack. Do you see my vision

[bellamby]

I'm genuinely scared to watch Transformers One

Not even because I think it's going to be bad, but because I think it's going to be TOO good.

I've seen every movie, but none has gotten me nearly as excited as this. Like I can handle Michael Bay adding explosions and spinning camera angles to LITERALLY EVERY MOVIE, but what I CAN'T handle is a Transformers movie that focuses on the interpersonal relationships of the characters.

No hate to Bayverse since that's actually how I first got into Transformers myself. But Revenge of the Fallen for me was kind of a let-down because they could've had such a tragic villain in the character of the Fallen.

Now, I am literally getting what I asked Hasbro for in the form of MegaOp's backstory, and I am NOT prepared.

I cried watching the end of TFP on my phone on Dailymotion when I was like 14. I am NOT gonna be ready to see this level of Cybertronian emotion on the big screen.

When it comes to tragedy in the Transformers mainstream media, it's such an underused asset - especially in comparison to some of the comics. The comics aren't afraid to make you cry, and neither are some of the shows. But the movies usually tend to hide that emotion behind action.

This movie looks completely separate from that. Like I am expecting action, but I'm also expecting a "Suguru, Satoru" moment that will leave me inconsolable for WEEKS.

(P.S. I have avoided spoilers LIKE THE PLAGUE, so PLEASE I BEG, TREAD LIGHTLY IN THE COMMENTS/REBLOGS 🙏🏽😭)

[mostlysignssomeportents]

A year in illustration, 2023 edition (part one)

(This is part one; part two is here.)

I am objectively very bad at visual art. I am bad at vision, period – I'm astigmatic, shortsighted, color blind, and often miss visual details others see. I can't even draw a stick-figure. To top things off, I have cataracts in both eyes and my book publishing/touring schedule is so intense that I keep having to reschedule the surgeries. But despite my vast visual deficits, I thoroughly enjoy making collages for this blog.

For many years now – decades – I've been illustrating my blog posts by mixing public domain and Creative Commons art with work that I can make a good fair use case for. As bad as art as I may be, all this practice has paid off. Call it unseemly, but I think I'm turning out some terrific illustrations – not all the time, but often enough.

Last year, I rounded up my best art of the year:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/25/a-year-in-illustration/

And I liked reflecting on the year's art so much, I decided I'd do it again. Be sure to scroll to the bottom for some downloadables – freely usable images that I painstakingly cut up with the lasso tool in The Gimp.

The original AD&D hardcover cover art is seared into my psyche. For several years, there were few images I looked at so closely as these. When Hasbro pulled some world-beatingly sleazy stuff with the Open Gaming License, I knew just how to mod Dave Trampier's 'Eve Of Moloch' from the cover of the Players' Handbook. Thankfully, bigger nerds than me have identified all the fonts in the image, making the remix a doddle.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/12/beg-forgiveness-ask-permission/#whats-a-copyright-exception

Even though I don't keep logs or collect any analytics, I can say with confidence that "Tiktok's Enshittification" was the most popular thing I published on Pluralistic this year. I mixed some public domain Brother's Grimm art, mixed with a classic caricature of Boss Tweed, and some very cheesy royalty-free/open access influencer graphics. One gingerbread cottage social media trap, coming up:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys

To illustrate the idea of overcoming walking-the-plank fear (as a metaphor for writing when it feels like you suck) I mixed public domain stock of a plank, a high building and legs, along with a procedurally generated Matrix "code waterfall" and a vertiginous spiral ganked from a Heinz Bunse photo of a German office lobby.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/22/walking-the-plank/

Finding a tasteful way to illustrate a story about Johnson & Johnson losing a court case after it spent a generation tricking women into dusting their vulvas with asbestos-tainted talcum was a challenge. The tulip (featured in many public domain images) was a natural starting point. I mixed it with Jesse Wagstaff's image of a Burning Man dust-storm and Mike Mozart's shelf-shot of a J&J talcum bottle.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/01/j-and-j-jk/#risible-gambit

"Google's Chatbot Panic" is about Google's long history of being stampeded into doing stupid things because its competitors are doing them. Once it was Yahoo, now it's Bing. Tenniel's Tweedle Dee and Dum were a good starting point. I mixed in one of several Humpty Dumpty editorial cartoon images from 19th century political coverage that I painstakingly cut out with the lasso tool on a long plane-ride. This is one of my favorite Humpties, I just love the little 19th C businessmen trying to keep him from falling! I finished it off with HAL 9000's glowing red eye, my standard 'this is about AI' image, which I got from Cryteria's CC-licensed SVG.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/16/tweedledumber/#easily-spooked

Though I started writing about Luddites in my January, 2022 Locus column, 2023 was the Year of the Luddite, thanks to Brian Merchant's outstanding Blood In the Machine:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/26/enochs-hammer/#thats-fronkonsteen

When it came time to illustrate "Gig Work Is the Opposite of Steampunk," I found a public domain weaver's loft, and put one of Cryteria's HAL9000 eyes in the window. Magpie Killjoy's Steampunk Magazine poster, 'Love the Machine, Hate the Factory,' completed the look.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/12/gig-work-is-the-opposite-of-steampunk/

For the "small, non-profit school" that got used as an excuse to bail out Silicon Valley Bank, I brought back Humpty Dumpty, mixing him with a Hogwartsian castle, a brick wall texture, and an ornate, gilded frame. I love how this one came out. This Humpty was made for the SVB bailout.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/23/small-nonprofit-school/#north-country-school

The RESTRICT Act would have federally banned Tiktok – a proposal that was both technically unworkable and unconstitutional. I found an early 20th century editorial cartoon depicting Uncle Sam behind a fortress wall that was keeping a downtrodden refugee family out of America. I got rid of most of the family, giving the dad a Tiktok logo head, and I put Cryteria's HAL9000 eyes over each cannonmouth. Three Boss Tweed moneybag-head caricatures, adorned with Big Tech logos, rounded it out.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/30/tik-tok-tow/#good-politics-for-electoral-victories

When Flickr took decisive action to purge the copyleft trolls who'd been abusing its platform, I knew I wanted to illustrate this with Lucifer being cast out of heaven, and the very best one of those comes from John Milton, who is conveniently well in the public domain. The Flickr logo suggested a bicolored streaming-light-of-heaven motif that just made it.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/01/pixsynnussija/#pilkunnussija

Old mainframe ads are a great source of stock for a "Computer Says No" image. And Congress being a public building, there are lots of federal (and hence public domain) images of its facade.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/04/cbo-says-no/#wealth-tax

When I wrote about the Clarence Thomas/Harlan Crow bribery scandal, it was easy to find Mr. Kjetil Ree's great image of the Supreme Court building. Thomas being a federal judge, it was easy to find a government photo of his head, but it's impossible to find an image of him in robes at a decent resolution. Luckily, there are tons of other federal judges who've been photographed in their robes! Boss Tweed with the dollar-sign head was a great stand-in for Harlan Crow (no one knows what he looks like anyway). Gilding Thomas's robes was a simple matter of superimposing a gold texture and twiddling with the layers.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/06/clarence-thomas/#harlan-crow

"Gig apps trap reverse centaurs in wage-stealing Skinner boxes" is one of my best titles. This is the post where I introduce the idea of "twiddling" as part of the theory of enshittification, and explain how it relates to "reverse centaurs" – people who assist machines, rather than the other way around. Finding a CC licensed modular synth was much harder than I thought, but I found Stephen Drake's image and stitched it into a mandala. Cutting out the horse's head for the reverse centaur was a lot of work (manes are a huuuuge pain in the ass), but I love how his head sits on the public domain high-viz-wearing warehouse worker's body I cut up (thanks, OSHA!). Seeing as this is an horrors-of-automation story, Cryteria's HAL9000 eyes make an appearance.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

Rockefeller's greatest contribution to our culture was inspiring many excellent unflattering caricatures. The IWW's many-fists-turning-into-one-fist image made it easy to have the collective might of workers toppling the original robber-baron.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/14/aiming-at-dollars/#not-men

I link to this post explaining how to make good Mastodon threads at least once a week, so it's a good thing the graphic turned out so well. Close-cropping the threads from a public domain yarn tangle worked out great. Eugen Rochko's Mastodon logo was and is the only Affero-licensed image ever to appear on Pluralistic.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/16/how-to-make-the-least-worst-mastodon-threads/

I spent hours on the sofa one night painstakingly cutting up and reassembling the cover art from a science fiction pulp. I have a folder full of color-corrected, high-rez scans from an 18th century anatomy textbook, and the cross-section head-and-brain is the best of the lot.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/04/analytical-democratic-theory/#epistocratic-delusions

Those old French anatomical drawings are an endless source of delight to me. Take one cross-sectioned noggin, mix in an old PC mainboard, and a vector art illo of a virtuous cycle with some of Cryteria's HAL9000 eyes and you've got a great illustration of Google's brain-worms.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/14/googles-ai-hype-circle/

Ireland's privacy regulator is but a plaything in Big Tech's hand, but it's goddamned hard to find an open-access Garda car. I manually dressed some public domain car art in Garda livery, painstakingly tracing it over the panels. The (public domain) baby's knit cap really hides the seams from replacing the baby's head with HAL9000's eye.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/15/finnegans-snooze/#dirty-old-town

Naked-guy-in-a-barrel bankruptcy images feel like something you can find in an old Collier's or Punch, but I came up snake-eyes and ended up frankensteining a naked body into a barrel for the George Washington crest on the Washington State flag. It came out well, but harvesting the body parts from old muscle-beach photos left George with some really big guns. I tried five different pairs of suspenders here before just drawing in black polyhedrons with little grey dots for rivets.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/03/when-the-tide-goes-out/#passive-income

Illustrating Amazon's dominance over the EU coulda been easy – just stick Amazon 'A's in place of the yellow stars that form a ring on the EU flag. So I decided to riff on Plutarch's Alexander, out of lands to conquer. Rama's statue legs were nice and high-rez. I had my choice of public domain ruin images, though it was harder thank expected to find a good Amazon box as a plinth for those broken-off legs.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/14/flywheel-shyster-and-flywheel/#unfulfilled-by-amazon

God help me, I could not stop playing with this image of a demon-haunted IoT car. All those reflections! The knife sticking out of the steering wheel, the multiple Munsch 'Scream'ers, etc etc. The more I patchked with it, the better it got, though. This one's a banger.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

To depict a "data-driven dictatorship," I ganked elements of heavily beribboned Russian military dress uniforms, replacing the head with HAL9000's eye. I turned the foreground into the crowds from the Nuremberg rallies and filled the sky with Matrix code waterfall.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/26/dictators-dilemma/#garbage-in-garbage-out-garbage-back-in

The best thing about analogizing DRM to demonic possession is the wealth of medieval artwork to choose from . This one comes from the 11th century 'Compendium rarissimum totius Artis Magicae sistematisatae per celeberrimos Artis hujus Magistros.' I mixed in the shiny red Tesla (working those reflections!), and a Tesla charger to make my point.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/edison-not-tesla/#demon-haunted-world

Yet more dividends from those old French anatomical plates: a flayed skull, a detached jaw, a quack electronic gadget, a Wachowski code waterfall and some HAL 9000 eyes and you've got a truly unsettling image of machine-compelled speech.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/02/self-incrimination/#wei-bai-bai

I had no idea this would work out so well, but daaaamn, crossfading between a Wachowski code waterfall and a motherboard behind a roiling thundercloud is dank af.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/03/there-is-no-cloud/#only-other-peoples-computers

Of all the turkeys-voting-for-Christmas self-owns conservative culture warriors fall for, few can rival the "banning junk fees is woke" hustle. Slap a US-flag Punisher logo on and old-time card imprinter, add a GOP logo to a red credit-card blank, and then throw in a rustic barn countertop and you've got a junk-fee extracter fit for the Cracker Barrel.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/04/owning-the-libs/#swiper-no-swiping

Putting the Verizon logo on the Hinderberg was an obvious gambit (even if I did have to mess with the flames a lot), but the cutout of Paul Marcarelli as the 'can you hear me now?' guy, desaturated and contrast-matched, made it sing.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/10/smartest-guys-in-the-room/#can-you-hear-me-now

Note to self: Tux the Penguin is really easy to source in free/open formats! He looks great with HAL9000 eyes.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/18/openwashing/#you-keep-using-that-word-i-do-not-think-it-means-what-you-think-it-means

Rockwell's self-portrait image is a classic; that made it a natural for a HAL9000-style remix about AI art. I put a bunch of time into chopping and remixing Rockwell's signature to give it that AI look, and added as many fingers as would fit on each hand.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/20/everything-made-by-an-ai-is-in-the-public-domain/

(Images: Heinz Bunse, West Midlands Police, Christopher Sessums, CC BY-SA 2.0; Mike Mozart, Jesse Wagstaff, Stephen Drake, Steve Jurvetson, syvwlch, Doc Searls, https://www.flickr.com/photos/mosaic36/14231376315, Chatham House, CC BY 2.0; Cryteria, CC BY 3.0; Mr. Kjetil Ree, Trevor Parscal, Rama, “Soldiers of Russia” Cultural Center, Russian Airborne Troops Press Service, CC BY-SA 3.0; Raimond Spekking, CC BY 4.0; Drahtlos, CC BY-SA 4.0; Eugen Rochko, Affero; modified)

[wifelinkmtg]

Yeah alright let’s talk Tarkir

Getting this out of the way: I do not care about Alesha, so if you were coming here ready to hear anything about the first-ever transgender girl out of Magic*, sorry to disappoint.

Actually, yeah, I’m gonna talk about this for a little bit. I understand Alesha means a lot to some people, and I’m not saying they’re wrong to feel that way. I’m sure there are people who had to fight to make Alesha openly & canonically trans, and I’m not saying that this was meaningless, wasted effort. It’s nice to be able to point to someone and say, see, there’s a place for people like me here. I was excited about it at the time and I wasn’t even into Magic back then.

But like c’mon, y’all, she’s not really a character, right? She gets one story, the thrust of which is, “this character is trans, and that’s basically fine.” Alesha exists to be part of the banner image of the internal WotC LGBT employees’ monthly newsletter. She exists to be the discord avatar for every third trans girl into Magic. She exists so a massive corporation can point to her as evidence that they care in some nebulous way about trans people, and she costs slightly less than paying someone to, say, actually moderate the hate speech comments on their vids of Autumn Burchett’s pro tour games.

All of which is to say, they don’t actually care. You know this. Individual staff, writers, artists - sure, but they’re not the ones who make the final decisions. And you and I deserve better from our stories, and we’re never going to get that from fucking Hasbro, right?

So here’s my pitch: seek out actual queer stories, and I’m not talking about contemporary YA shit with a marketing budget. For readers of this specific blog I’d recommend looking up “Attack Helicopter” by Isabel Fall (you should still be able to find it online). Stories where the texture and structure of thought are queer and trans are revelatory. You don’t need to beg for crumbs from a megacorp’s table.

ANYWAY, COMMA,

welcome to Tarkir! There used to not be dragons here, but now there are. In either timeline, everyone is locked in a brutal, unending struggle of clan-against-clan, so thanks, Sarkhan? Yeah, no, I hear you, it’s definitely different now. Yeah, and better. Yeah, because of the...yeah, because there’s dragons now, right. No, you did great, buddy. You really, uh, made a difference.

JESUS, IS HE CRYING? GET ME OUT OF HERE PLEASE

Monastery Swiftspear (art by Steve Argyle)

I’ve come to think of the current era of MtG art (let’s arbitrarily say from Kaladesh block to the present) as the “Magali Villeneuve era”, and if I’m being totally honest, I kind of hate it. Everything is technically competent, clearly lit, and immaculately detailed. Everyone has amazing cheekbones. It is so, so boring. I’m not at all saying she’s a bad artist! Sometimes, as with Kaldheim, she is very nearly the only person in a set making good art. I’ve featured her work on here many, many times.

What I am saying is that her work always has this, like, objectivity to it that feels detached and even alienating, like we’re looking at these characters through a powerful telescope. There’s no stylization, and dare I say no style.

The reason I bring her up in a set in which I will not be reviewing her work (sorry, Narset fans), is that Steve Argyle makes for an interesting comparison. They are to my untrained eye very similar artists: the sharp linework, the combination of dynamics and detachment. The major difference is that Steve’s art is substantially hornier and substantially male-gazier.

And goddammit, at least that’s something.

I HAVE THIS OPINION BECAUSE I’M A BAD FEMINIST. AND I DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED ABOUT IT

Unyielding Krumar (art by Viktor Titov)

I’m not sure why Viktor made this orc look like a ripped lizard man. None of the other orcs in this block look like this. Maybe he thought “krumar” was a species of lizard folk, when in point of fact a krumar is, checks notes, an orphan of the Mardu raised by the Abzan who killed their parents in a twist of worldbuilding regrettably reminiscent of a strategy used in real-world genocides. Whoops!

Anyway, big arms. Lizard person. Sorry about your family.

WIZARDS STAY CLASSY I GUESS

Ire Shaman (art by Jack Wang)

Yeah, see, extremely not a lizard.

We’re not going to talk about armor practicality because that is very much beside the point, but we were all thinking it, and I want to acknowledge that before moving onto saying nice things about what all the leather bands are doing for her arms, and what this lamellar bustier is doing for her tits.

YEAH I KNOW WHAT LAMELLAR IS. PRETTY HOT, RIGHT

Den Protector (art by Viktor Titov)

I am not immune to mothers, nor women in furs, and I’m especially not immune to women with big two-handed weapons (in either sense, I suppose.) I really like the sense of motion in this picture, and the dynamic thrust of the landscape behind her, and... hm. Is her right-hand grip reversed from what it should be? Dammit, that’s going to bother me.

I LIKE MY WOMEN TO HAVE BETTER GRIP TECHNIQUE IS ALL I’M SAYING

Wandering Champion (art by Willian Murai)

I am trying really, really hard not to date myself by a reference to a shitty 20-year-old flash animation. Anyway! she has flexibility, power, and isn’t afraid of a little viscera now and again. All excellent qualities.

I AM HONESTLY EXERCISING IMMENSE SELF-RESTRAINT HERE

Sultai Flayer (art by Izzy)

Sorry, do you not want a forty-foot androgyne snake person to remove your skin with tender, agonizing slowness? Are you lost?

WHY DON’T YOU MARRY YOUR SKIN IF YOU’RE SO GODDAMN ATTACHED TO IT. PUSSY.

Highspire Mantis (art by Igor Kieryluk)

I did the mantis bit in my Battle for Zendikar post, but I thought I’d actually dig into what the appeal is here: raptorial forelimbs. The inescapable, serrated hold of something that could slice you open as easy as thinking, but hasn’t yet. The smoothness of chitin, hard without being inflexible. The many strange articulations. And then either you make out or it eats your head, and it is not up to you which.

WHEN WILL WIZARDS GIVE US THE MANTIS-FUCKER REPRESENTATION WE DESERVE. ROSEWATER’S SILENCE ON THIS ISSUE IS DEAFENING.

Alright, that’s Tarkir down! Who knows what’s next? Probably a very cranky explanation of what fiction is and why it’s okay to like fictional bad guys (it’s because they’re not real.) At first I thought that was going to be a more interesting topic, but the more I think about it the more it seems like it’s...really not. I can have fun with it, though! Thanks for reading, and I’ll see y’all next time.

---------

*the first-ever transgender girl out of Magic/had to settle on a name/and the top three contenders after weeks of debate/were Alesha/and Shensu/and the Kolaghan Bomber

[hippogriffs-and-alicorns]

I think about the excessive g5 hate from adults sometimes and its like....

Listen, I understand the anger. You watched g4 and it was part of you and now it's moved on and you're slightly upset, but something I feel like the g4-stanning fans forget is that....they're not the show's target anymore. When mlp g4 started out, it was for little kids. It was still for little kids when it ended. Nothing is wrong with liking a kids show, but when you start throwing fits and swearing over new designs and demanding they change it when you are not longer the target audience....idk, I just don't understand I suppose. I grew up on g4 and ADORED it, and I like g5 just as much. Ofc I'm not saying people can't dislike g5, I'm just saying it's hard to wrap my head around why people hate it so much. Because you can be in the fanbase of a kids show, but it's not for you, it's for the little kids who will buy the toys and beg their parents to get the services to watch the show. It's for the new generation, heck, the movie was CALLED "A New Generation". I get the frustration, but the fact of the matter is that you've grown up and the show is no longer for you. You can't demand Hasbro to change the plot or designs of g5 just because you don't like it, because you're not their target audience anymore. The younger kids of today are. The most common issue I see is people complaining about Sunny becoming an alicorn "too quickly". The thing is: Sunny became an alicorn because she literally put an end to hatred between the three pony kinds, she made ACTUAL HISTORY, she changed her world forever, and I feel like restoring the peace Twilight once upheld was pretty deserving of alicornhood? Sunny didn't make the races hate each other, that happened long before she was born, she saved her kind and restored magic to ponies everywhere...I feel like that's a pretty deserving thing to become alicorn over. If she went through the exact same long and drawn-out arc Twilight did, it would get boring because we've done this before. We've been here before. G5 put a new spin on the show that honestly was really cool to see. If it went with Twilight's same story people would just hate it for copying g4. I just feel like maybe...agree to disagree? Dislike g5 but stop putting intense and malicious hate in the main tag, stop commenting on posts/tiktoks/whatever talking about how you miss g4 and how stupid you think g5 is...Twilight's entire mission was peace and friendship, she wouldn't hate Sunny for restoring that peace. She was the princess of friendship. I don't get why people think she'd want to kill Sunny for restoring her legacy... In short: Let people enjoy things and try to be at least somewhat polite about it, it's not worth getting red hot heated over the pony cartoon, just leave everyone to their own devices. Shake hands over liking the separate versions (or both!) and call it a day.

*(PLEASE don't fight or argue or come after me in the comments or reblogs, I'm not trying to start discourse, I'm just calmly stating my opinion and expressing my confusion. Once again, I have no issue if people dislike g5. I just don't understand the full-blown all-caps anger coming from adults over this children's media and am expressing those feelings.)

[catboy-sinister]

my review of the cast list of X-men '97

overall I'm quite pleased with the choice to keep most of the original cast. and I think the choices to replace certain ones - specifically getting Holly Chou (which I believe is misspelled in the list?) to play Jubilee - were well-informed and overdue.

Don't have a problem with most of this... except having Matthew Watterson play Magneto. I'm disappointed but not surprised. When will Disney listen to Jewish voices? They should have gotten a Jewish actor to play Magneto, period. I'm not sure if any of the other replacements have problems? Do let me know kf so, please.

the man. the myth. the legend. my boy. If you have Instagram, I'd give his account a follow. He's such a silly guy, and a joy to follow. He posts just pictures of his Mister Sinister Hasbro figure in various locations, no caption. Makes my day. I'm so happy to have him back as my favorite character on my favorite show. team chris britton 4 life. also very curious to see who voices shaw and emma.

overall I am so so excited to watch a revival of my favorite show, despite my disappointment and honestly annoyance at the casting of magneto's vm. was overjoyed at the announcement and I'm letting myself be optimistic. I do hope it's not just constant nostalgia bait, tho. and hopefully it's not the watered down / at best milquetoast liberal level messaging of the mcu. begging on my hands and knees.

[sroloc--elbisivni]

jazz transformers?

hasbro put jazz in more transformers media i am BEGGING you. i love him and i fully accept that much of what i love about him is the equivalent of showing up to a restaurant with my own sandwich. this is also why i'm being generous and avoiding 'most fandom takes are incorrect' because again. minimum of canon. we are all building this as we go and the actually racist stuff fortunately isn't the majority. anyway. on a personal level 'sneaky spy who is also a loyal second-in-command who is also a musician' is tailored to me in multiple dimensions and i enjoy him very much and he takes up a large chunk of my transformers brain. put him in more situations. 'pretty privilege' yes. look at him.

[thisislizheather]

Museum of Failure in NYC

“Museum of Failure is a collection of failed products and services from around the world. The majority of all innovation projects fail and the museum showcases these failures to provide visitors a fascinating learning experience. Innovation and progress require an acceptance of failure. The museum aims to stimulate productive discussion about failure and inspire us to take meaningful risks.”

God, I love a fun museum. There’s absolutely nothing better. I went to the Museum of Failure when it opened a few weeks ago in Brooklyn and I can’t recommend it enough. The space it’s displayed in is a bit of a failure in itself (on purpose maybe?), but once you get past that it’s a great way to spend an hour. Some highlights below!

As soon as you enter, there’s the Share Your Failure wall that visitors can contribute to. Best ones I read: not getting divorced, not kissing him, not wearing sunscreen when I was young.

Above Photo: Share Your Failure wall at the Museum of Failure, NYC

Above Photo: If this doesn’t remind you of the Toronto Science Center in the mid 90s, I don’t know what to tell you

Okay, Orbitz was not actually a good drink, but it completely paved the way for bubble tea to take off.

Above Photo: Diet candy AYDS, 1937-1980s

“Why take diet pills when you can enjoy AYDS?" HOW WAS THIS REAL? And how on earth was it successful for decades?? This appetite-suppressant candy was successful with the help of Hollywood celebrities and its popularity peaked in the 1970s. Obviously when the AIDS epidemic emerged in the 1980s the weight-loss product was doomed.

Above Photo: Atari ET Game & Console, 1982-1983

This is basically known as the worst video game of all time and Atari reported a $536 million loss in 1983 because of it. There’s a great documentary about it called Atari: Game Over about the urban legend that unsold copies were buried.

Above Photo: Low blow, museum. Low blow.

Is it funny that there’s a Titanic reference? Absolutely. Horrid, but funny.

Above Photo: Pinky Gloves, 2021

Oh no, these came out in 2021. A male trio of German inventors created gloves to wear when taking out tampons so that women wouldn’t get blood on their hands and have a “discrete way to dispose of the used product.” WOW.

Above Photo: Little Miss No Name, 1965

Firstly, I apologize for introducing this image into your subconscious. I really am. The brand Hasbro designed this unusual doll to be an alternative to the hugely popular Barbie. “In keeping with the climate of the mid-sixties, they wanted to teach little girls compassion and the realities of life for homeless people.”

Above Photo: Trump SECTION at the Museum of Failure, NYC

There’s a whole Trump wing in the museum, which is just *chef’s kiss*.

Above Photo: Spray On Condom, 2006-2008

This German product was supposed to be the solution to the problem of condoms being either too small or too big. Its instructions: “Simply insert penis into an apparatus to coat with melted latex and then wait 3 minutes for the latex to dry.” It failed because the idea of inserting one's penis into the apparatus scared men and the three-minute hardening time proved too long to wait.

Above Photo: Shared Girlfriend, 2017

Developed by Chinese company Taqu Ltd., the Shared Girlfriend service rented sex dolls for $45 a day. They were made of high-quality silicon and dolls were ordered with a smartphone app then delivered to your door. “After each rental, the dolls were disinfected, and the more heavily used and damaged parts were replaced.” ICK.  Amazingly, the service was suspended only four days after its launch due to public outrage.

There were so many other incredible pieces on display (grass skis, the hula chair, the Elon Musk wall), you really should make an afternoon of it and see for yourself. I showed a few videos of the exhibit over on my spring ‘23 highlights on Instagram, if you’re interested in seeing even more. Such a fun time. Tickets available over here.

Now I beg you, world: bring back Pepsi Blue.

[battlefairies]

Our party blackguard claimed this suit of armour last session, so now I am at liberty to share its (D&D 3.5 edition) properties online. But first, some lore:

“Hide, hide, the Red Man is here Moloh-Chi the Soulless with his mask made for fear You may hide, you may run or you may stand up and try to defeat the Once-Defeated but he knows how you’ll die: One blow, you’re senseless two blows, defenceless Three blows, you’re reeling Four blows, you’re kneeling Five blows, begging, crying Six blows, fi-nally dying And seven are the blows all in all needed to cut up your soul.”

Dark folklore surrounds the character of Moloh-Chi, a warrior said to have made some grisly pact with the Lower Planes. While he was probably a real, historic figure from the Eastern Spine of the World region during the fledgeling years of the Netheril empire, precious little is known for sure. Legend has it that a star-crossed love for the daughter of a prefect caused Moloh-Chi to forfeit his soul to a devil in exchange for power, and then went on to single-handedly slaughter, raze and burn the prefect’s village.

The two lovers eloped and hid in the mountains, where the authorities at last found and challenged Moloh-Chi. His life ended with a killing blow from a soldier who had aimed his spear at the obidome or sash clip the prefect’s daughter had fastened over her lover’s heart.

Folkloristic tales of the region since speak of a ghost clad in red armour wandering the land, with a bitter hatred towards all mortals still possessing their souls.

It is unsure whether the name ‘Moloh-chi’ was derived from the word moloch, meaning something demanding terrible sacrifices, or if that word itself sprung from the legend of Moloh-Chi the Soulless.

Moloh-Chi’s +2 Plate Armour of Dread Lore

This unique set of +2 Full Plate functions normally despite being incredibly old and looking a bit worse for wear.

In addition to its enhancement bonus, this suit of armour grants the wearer a chance to strike fear in the hearts of bystanders each time he or she scores a (confirmed) critical hit on an opponent with a melee weapon or unarmed strike.

When the wearer confirms their critical hit and as part of the wearer’s turn, any humanoid with fewer HD than the wearer and within 30 ft. becomes eligible for the armour’s panic-inducing property. The wearer can freely choose which of these effectively get targeted, and which are exempt.

Targets must succeed at a Will save (DC 10 + ½ wearer’s HD + wearer’s CHA modifier) or become panicked (PHB p. 311) for 1d6 rounds. Creatures who make their save instead become shaken (PHB p. 312) for 1 round and become immune to the armour’s panic-inducing property for the next 24 hours.

Moderate Necromancy [fear, mind-affecting].

(No Price or Weight because math is hard and people who care about encumbrance don't deserve to wear this imo)

Disclaimer: homebrew item, but the Forgotten Realms setting belongs to Ed Greenwood and Wizards of the Coast / Hasbro. "Visions of Pelvuria" is the name of my campaign.

[ghostsontelevision]

like here’s the thing if i move into a house of some sort with my bride and we’re deeply in love and ready to start our life together and then we find out the house is haunted? i promise i am on my hands and knees begging that ghost to be chill. “hey you should move you should get out of there” listen if this place has an in-unit washer and dryer and a bath big enough to comfortably chill w your wife and smoke a blunt i am in full negotiation mode. i am going to target and purchasing a hasbro brand ouija board and i am going to reach an agreement. you want me to leave flowers at a grave? done. certain rooms you don’t want me to enter? i’ve already forgotten they exist bud do with them what you please. need me to kill your murderer? well i’m pretty squeamish but i’ll find a way to make it work.

[miradanii]

I am begging Hasbro or some third party to PLEASE DEAR GOD make an Arachnid figure from Transformers One. Not only for reference purposes but she deserves better. Literally the coolest character design and her one toy turns into an altmode that's not even in the movie.

Hasbro please respect your evil robot women more im begging you

[youngerfrankenstein]

for the ask game. 1. your favorite transformer 2. flayn

Hmm. Not entirely sure who my favourite is so I’m just going to do Optimus Prime :)

How I feel about this character

Robodad!!! I watched G1 to laugh at it and got emotionally attached to him somehow. Oh well. Kind, accepting, and ready to throw the fuck down when necessary. Peter Cullen famously said advice he got for voicing him was “be strong enough to be gentle” and that… resonates a lot with me. I love him…

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Only Elita-1 really. Mostly because FOR FUCK’S SAKE HASBRO LET THEM BE HAPPY!

I can picture a couple other characters getting one-sided crushes on him but that’s about it.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

His dynamic with his teammates generally. I really like his rapport with Ratchet in Prime, I like when his dynamic with Bumblebee tends towards mentorly, and I am begging the Skybound comics to elaborate on what his dynamic with Spike will be because damn that is an interesting setup.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I probably have unpopular opinions but I am also dodging the fanbase quite a bit, as I usually do. What I will say that would probably be unpopular with the Tumblr contingent is that I dislike Megop as a ship :\ They have a bunch of different dynamics over the continuities. Old friends, bitter rivals, “ugh, this asshole again” and I don’t think any of them are made better with romance.

Also he’s a working class hero. Not sure if that’s unpopular (and also it’s canon) but I’m saying it anyway.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Again there are like, a hundred canons and I feel like trying to wrap my brain around franchise continuity, when it has little to none, would just make my brain explode.

So I’m just going to say LET HIM RELAX.

And Flayn! Sweetie pie!

How I feel about this character

FLAYN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Girl out of time, having lost SO MUCH still looking on the bright side of things, eager to explore. She cares for everyone. She’s one of the few characters who fully understands the horror of war from the start but she still moves on, and she’ll still fight and heal to protect those she cares for.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

…I don’t know that I do anyone? Despite that I’m pretty sure she’d love a boyfriend. I guess I wound up pairing her with Ferdinand a bunch? And their supports are really cute. But I don’t feel strongly about any of her pairings. I wonder if part of it is that she looks quite young.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I love her relationship with Seteth so much! He’s so overprotective and she’s so annoyed but it’s clear they love each other so much.

Also really love her dynamic with Byleth. She’s so excited to realise she may have new family!

And Dedue. They’re just great together, I really enjoy their interactions.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don’t know? I do genuinely consider her probably the strongest character in the entire cast emotionally. Is that unpopular?

Also again I’m not sure it’s unpopular but no way in hell would she join a Crimson Flower playthrough, it does not fit her.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

One, I really wish she got more supports with female characters. Think of her interacting with Annette or Hapi or Catherine.

Two, SHOW US HER DRAGON FORM INTSYS!!!!!!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Rsync corrump linkdump

I'm coming to DEFCON! On Aug 9, I'm emceeing the EFF POKER TOURNAMENT (noon at the Horseshoe Poker Room), and appearing on the BRICKED AND ABANDONED panel (5PM, LVCC - L1 - HW1–11–01). On Aug 10, I'm giving a keynote called "DISENSHITTIFY OR DIE! How hackers can seize the means of computation and build a new, good internet that is hardened against our asshole bosses' insatiable horniness for enshittification" (noon, LVCC - L1 - HW1–11–01).

As per the uje, I've arrived upon a Saturday with a backlog of links that I have not managed to squeeze into the week's newsletters/blogs, so it's time for another linkdump, 22nd in an erratic series. Here's the previous 21:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

Let's start with some seasonal material, and by "seasonal," I of course mean Hallowe'en. Yes, August is the official start of Spooky Season, and yes, I am a monster for insisting on this, but being a monster is the point of Spooky Season (which is what differentiates Spooky Season pushers like me from the creeps who insist that you need to start prepping for Xmas in late September – they're monsters, too, but Yule Monsters are bad) (with the exception of Krampus).

I was a monster kid and now I'm a monster adult. It all started when I was bitten by a radioactive Haunted Mansion at the age of six:

https://memex.craphound.com/2012/10/22/how-a-haunted-mansion-addict-fell-in-love-with-the-greatest-ride-on-earth/

I am a sucker for all things monstrous, and so I was intrigued when I got a book of "creepy-cute" stickers in the mail from a publicist at Simon & Schuster:

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Creepy-Cute-Sticker-Book/Gaynor-Carradice/Creepy-Cute-Gift-Series/9781507222515

"Creepy-Cute" turns out to be an official designation, embraced by the illustrator GaynorCarradice, who has created several books on these lines, featuring her chibi/monster crossover creations, which do exactly what it says on the tin, by which I mean, there's some genuinely creepy stuff in the mix, along with the cute.

It's when the cute pastels rub up against the gore, skulls, eyeballs and other visceral viscera that these illustrations really kick off some heat – I've rounded up a few of my favorites here:

https://craphound.com/images/creepycute.jpg

One of the surefire signs that Spooky Season is upon us is that the (sometimes NSFW) Tumblr account Halloweenlandmotherfucker emerges from dormancy with a stream of images of vintage Hallowe'en cards (these were a thing!), photos of people in costume and other delightful visual novelties:

https://www.tumblr.com/halloweenlandmotherfucker

Monster culture isn't just for Hallowe'en, of course. The ancient and noble tradition of compiling and publishing bestiaries is alive and well, thanks to RPGs. In the beginning, there was the D&D Boxed Set, with its Monsters and Treasure booklet:

https://www.americanroads.us/DandD/ODnD_Monsters_and_Treasure.pdf

Then came the Monster Manual, the first hardcover D&D book, succeeded by the Fiend Folio, which featured Charlie Stross creations like the githzerai and slaad, Indeed, there was a whole, iconic library of hardcovers that fit perfectly in an oversized backpack that I dragged everywhere so that I could obsessively read and re-read them.

Eventually, these gave way to new hardcovers with new rules as well as new corporate owners (Wizards of the Coast, then Hasbro), culminating in the release of the Open Gaming License, an "open content" license that was a) grossly defective; b) largely irrelevant; and c) hugely controversial in 2023, when Hasbro terminated it:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/12/beg-forgiveness-ask-permission/#whats-a-copyright-exception

The Open Gaming License purported to license out game elements that weren't copyrightable (rules, tables, etc), as well as material that you could likely use under copyright exceptions like fair use:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2023/01/beware-gifts-dragons-how-dds-open-gaming-license-may-have-become-trap-creators

And worst of all, it was revocable, so games publishers who tooled up to publish supplements and sourcebooks based on the OGL could have the rug yanked out from under them at any time (that time turned out to be early 2023).

Hasbro's OGL rug-pull had three salutary effects:

I. It gave gamers a crash-course in what was – and wasn't – copyrightable in an RPG design;

It encouraged game developers to look beyond D&D's OGL rules and into truly open (and often superior) alternatives; and

It inflicted so much reputational harm on Hasbro that, 20 months later, they announced that they would release a new set of D&D rules under the Creative Commons Attribution Only 4.0 license:

https://www.dicebreaker.com/games/dungeons-and-dragons-5e/news/dungeons-and-dragons-2024-srd-wont-be-another-ogl-fiasco

Now, CC BY 4.0 is a real-ass license. Notably, it corrects a defect in the earlier versions of the CC licenses that gave rise to a class of predatory copyleft trolls like the odious Pixsy:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/01/24/a-bug-in-early-creative-commons-licenses-has-enabled-a-new-breed-of-superpredator/

If Hasbro follows through on their promise, the new CC materials will kick off with the 2025 release of the next edition of the Monster Manual:

https://dungeonsanddragonsfan.com/new-2024-dnd-monster-manual/

It's wild to think that tabletop RPGs are now a cutting-edge way to learn about digital policy, but on the other hand, D&D arrived in my home around the same time as my Apple ][+, which was also around the time I first heard the name Ronald Reagan (rest in piss).

The legacies of the 80s – RPGs, digital technology and Reaganomics – cast a long shadow. Last month, many of us discovered the hard way that Reaganomics – specifically, the embrace of monopolies as "efficient" – has produced a world of unimaginable brittleness. Millions of people around the world found themselves cut off from ATM cash, flights, hospital care, and many other essentials thanks to the Crowdstrike Blue Screen of Death outage. While many of the explainers have focused on how Crowdstrike fatfingered a software update that crashed all those computers, there's been a lot less commentary about how it is that one company had it in its power to do so much harm.

Writing last week for EFF's Deeplinks blog, my colleague Rory Mir tackled that (far more important) issue:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/07/crowdstrike-antitrust-and-digital-monoculture

Market concentration – monopoly – is the common thread wound around so many of our daily horribles. Think of the tech billionaires who threw in their lot with Trump last month. How did they get to be billionaires? Monopoly power. Remember back in 2017, that notorious photo of the tech industry meeting at the top of Trump Tower, with Peter Thiel at Trump's left hand?

https://techcrunch.com/2016/12/14/donald-trump-meets-with-tech-leaders/

People were appalled that this group of corporate leaders, who between them controlled virtually all the technology in our lives, would debase themselves by paying fealty to this buffoonish would-be dictator.

But far more consequential was the fact that you could fit everyone who controlled all of our technology around a single table. Once everyone important to an industry can fit around a single table, it's only a matter of time until they find a table to sit around, and that's when it all starts to go wrong. As the Communist firebrand Adam Smith once wrote, "People of the same trade seldom meet together, even for merriment and diversion, but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against the public, or in some contrivance to raise prices."

Enshittification starts with market concentration. This is a subject I'm going to be going very deep on next Saturday, when I give my Defcon keynote, "Disenshittify or die! How hackers can seize the means of computation and build a new, good internet that is hardened against our asshole bosses' insatiable horniness for enshittification":

https://info.defcon.org/event/?id=54861

When I give that talk – and afterwards at my book signing – I will be wearing an N95 mask, just as I did last year. Why am I wearing a mask? Two reasons: first, Long Covid is a horror. One of the best writers I know – a living legend – recently told me that their book-writing days are likely done because of Long Covid brain fog.

A new Lancet article gets deep into the science of Long Covid:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S014067362401136X

The principle author of the Lancet article is Oxford health professor Trish Greenhalgh, who gave an excellent lay summary in her newsletter:

https://independentsage.substack.com/p/long-covid-a-dystopian-game-of-pinball

In particular, Greenhalgh describes why some people don't get Long Covid, and some people do – and, most important, explains why the fact that you didn't get Long Covid last time doesn't mean you won't get it next time:

https://independentsage.substack.com/p/long-covid-a-dystopian-game-of-pinball

So I don't want to get covid, and so I'm gonna wear a mask. Because masks fucking work. A new study reveals just how well they work:

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/ebiom/article/PIIS2352-3964(24)00192-0/fulltext

The study shows that wearing any mask, even without knowing how to fit it well, offers substantial protection against both contracting and transmitting covid. Even better: wearing an N95 (even without paying attention to correct fit) offers "near perfect" protection against covid:

https://today.umd.edu/n95-masks-nearly-perfect-at-blocking-covid-umd-study-shows

I didn't get covid at Defcon last year, and I didn't get it at HOPE, and I didn't get it on our family vacation in July – all events where friends got sick. The difference? I wore a mask. Which works.

OK, I need to go work on my Defcon speech some more, so I'm gonna sign off, but I will leave you with just one more link, the wonderful new public domain image search tool, Public Work, which crawls and indexes the Met, the NYPL, and other sources:

https://public.work/

I rely on public domain, CC and other freely usable clip art to make the collages that accompany this newsletter/blog's stories. While I have very little talent in the visual arts, I'm getting steadily better. I mean, look at this amazing image I womped up for last week's story on Bitcoin bros' election campaign finance fraud:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/53893519593/in/album-72177720316719208

You can see a collection of my recent collages in my Flickr gallery for them:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/albums/72177720316719208?sd

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/03/smorgasbord/#creepy-cute

Image: Anne Lindblom (cropped) https://www.flickr.com/photos/kajsawarg/3600415175

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[cookie-waffle]

Wheel is a cute character IN CONCEPT. But if you actually watched G1 season 3 with the episodes featuring him and Blurr together, holy fucking shit, they are so annoying. NEVER put them alone together again Hasbro I am begging you.

[screamce]

WAAH HIIIIII I was not expecting to get tagged for something like this :O

ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM YOUR FIRST MOOT RVAGSGAGA IM SO HONORWD AND BAFFLED

Also, that last bit is so ominous I am frightened o.O /silly

Anywaysss sgsgs yeah okie dokie I'll do this silly thing :3

Ermmm five things I love about myself?

1. Uhhh I think my art skills r pretty rad, especially with how fast I can improve if I stay on top of it hehe (literally, I did a side by side with one of my ocs and within like 3 months they looked so good :O

2. I like my face actually a lot :D especially my silly fangs and snaggle tooth >:3

3. Ermmm, I'd say my adaptability, I adapt to new situations pretty well considering my anxiety and I can push through tough situations often when I need to :D

4. Guh I'm running out of things, NO WAIT IM STEALING ONE OF YOURS I like my style! I think I can put an outfit together pretty good! Especially detailed designs/outfits ^^ aesthetic clutter my beloved

5. I know I said face but I meant like.. shape, but I also like my eyes! I think it's so cool I have grey eyes hehe, they are a bit blueish or greenish (rarely) at times bc bro is a mood ring lmao

Guh, things I'm excited for? Well I've already seen tfo sooo (sorgy op, I hope you get to see it soon!!)

1. there's a new transformers game coming out in Oct called TF: galactic trials that I'm really hype for! Would you believe it that this is the first transformers (partial) racing game!!? (Not counting any defunct mobile games, you can't play them anyway)

2. CONCERTS RAAAAHHH, I'm going to see some goobers I love later this year and next year (particular names I'm excited for are Mother Mother, Black Satellite, and 3 doors down. I've already been to some others and I'm keeping an eye on my favorite small venues :3)

3. WINTER!!!! In general, God it's been so hot here I want it to be over </3

4. Earthspark season 2b, 2c, and 2d (if the road map that I saw was correct) PLEASE SAVE THE SERIES IM BEGGING, DON'T LET IT BECOME AWFUL shaking the hasbro executives violently

Secret fifth: ops next post teehee

Oh and 3 people I care about deeply? Hell yeah okie dokie

1: Guh, @theart-ofbacon and co. they know why <3

2: My mom 🗣‼️‼️‼️ literally one of my only family members that supports me LMAO she also is really cool about my art and interests and it makes me go :D (also she went "is that Optimus?" at Starscream once and I'm never letting her live it down /silly)

3: uhhhhhhhhhh man I don't know lmao there are many people who could go here that I all care about around the same amount I suppose I dedicate this spot to my friend group, They're awesome sause even if we don't talk as much as I'd like too, they still mean a lot and I love em, muah <3

Me when I overshare on the internet :3 :3 :3 :3 :3

I don't really have anyone to tag or send this to so imma leave it open

💕Positivity prime time! Share five things you love about yourself, four things you're excited for, OR three people you care deeply about and why. Pass this along to someone else who makes you smile💕

I’m gonna do them all because I love yapping HEUEHU. I think I already did something similar to the first one but oh well.

1. I loove my art style. It’s fun silly and whimsical.

2. I love my fashion sense. Not as fun silly and whimsical but it’s mine. Idk if I can put myself into a specific category so I just live as a silly guy.

3. I love my eeeyes I think they’re nice. Green blue grey ish lil shits with long lushes lashes you know it.

4. I love my little silly brain that gives me little silly ideas and the capacity to yap forEVER.

5. I love how much I have developed as a person over the past few years. I personally think I have evolved a bit. Like a pokémon. In many ways.

NEEXT

1. I’m excited for TRANSFORMERS: ONE of course. I’m not American so I haven’t had the privilege of watching it yet.

2. Super excited to go to LEGO-LAND with my parents soon (we’re going there as a nostalgia trip since we used to go there all the time when I was a kid…hehe.)

3. I’m excited for the weekend to start so I can draw a bunch oml.

4. I am very excited to graduate here in June. FINALLY!!

Now to people I care about:

1. My best friend of almost 10 years by now. He has stuck with me through my cringe phase and we can literally talk about anything. That’s crazy. He was also my only irl friend in majority of the years.

2. My dad, he always makes sure that I am alright, and understand how proud he and my mom are of me. He a lil’ autistic but I love him anyway.

3. My home-class teacher in the 6th grade because holy fuck I would have actually genuinely not been here today if it was not for her. She was like my personal therapist and got me through so much shit. Praise her.

Now I shall pass it along to @screamce if he wishes to do this as well…xoxo shoutout to my first mutual on this app love this guy. Y’all should check him out btw its blog is SUPER AWSOM!! And so are his ocs…GRRR (Btw I will respond to your ask soon I just want to make something for it ;3 You’ll see. EHEUEHU)

[hominivorax-hematovore]

Yes, hello, I am in fact still alive and remembered that tumblr exists. I posted this whole thing elsewhere months ago, but TFCon is coming up and I realized I had never actually posted it here. So.

Custom deluxe class Rescue Bots made from TR figures, because if Hasbro isn't going to give me mainline Generations-styled Rescue Bots, then I'm damn well going to make them myself. I am a grown-ass woman with 0 children and I love Rescue Bots, and I am not at all sorry about it. It's adorable as fuck and it's the one single Transformers series where I could be absolutely sure going in that my favourite characters weren't going to end up dying horribly. Plus it has Steve Blum, which as far as I'm concerned is always a plus. (I do feel like Heatwave is stuck in the wrong show. That is a bot in desperate need of permission to curse who's trapped in a show for toddlers. #LetHeatwaveSayFuck) It's just genuinely a good show with writers who actually care about the characters and whose humor is on point, and honestly, there is some real tragedy in that backstory if you think about it at all. The *very last* crew of a civilian rescue force, lost floating in space for years and years, only revived by chance, coming to an alien planet and discovering that both their home planet and literally all of the other rescue bots are dead and have been for centuries at minimum. They have to adapt to this weird alien world with its weird alien people, and they're not even allowed to go help fight the Decepticons because they're not actually soldiers and they would be dead in approximately five seconds if they ended up anywhere near a real battle. ...Okay, at this point I'm just trying to justify why I even bothered with this project and I don't know why. The other giant alien robot fans here get me, I'm sure. I've been thinking about how much I wanted a good set of RB figures for a while now, and I finally decided that since I had a little bit of cash to spare, if nobody else was going to make them for me I was damn well going to do it myself. I went searching and found www.deviantart.com/trenttroop 's shop on Shapeways selling many, many different faceplates for TR Headmasters, including the RB crew. https://www.shapeways.com/product/F4XBQTASG/rescue-bots-faceplate-four-pack-1?optionId=60329171&li=marketplace(Link to the four pack of faceplates!) Those were an immediate buy, and a starting point for this whole silly, somewhat expensive project. So now I had the line I was going to work with, and the faces I needed for them to be slightly better than "eh, paint him red and call him Heatwave", and now I had to pick bodies for the boys. I then spent a good while poring over images of the figures in the line, waffling on a couple of the options presented, and finally settling on bodies for each of the crew. I ended up getting three out of the four of these guys for an absolute *steal* on offerup-I paid 42 USD *total* for Hardhead, Highbrow and Breakaway, which is only slightly more than *just* the cheapest Breakaway I found for sale on ebay. And then there was Perceptor. Dear friggin' lord, Percy. Why in the name of Primus's shiny metal asshole is he so expensive? The ebay listings for him are *insane*, especially when I was just going to rip him out of any packaging and turn him into someone else. I ended up getting one for 15.40 USD for the figure. From a seller in *Australia*. He cost me 27 dollars extra in postage, and was somehow *still* roughly 20 USD cheaper in total than purchasing the next cheapest Perceptor (60 USD without shipping) from a US seller. After the bots came various bits and pieces I needed, like a ladder and tires for Heatwave and the arm light pieces for Chase. All of these little extra bits were...more expensive than I expected, not gonna lie, because I no longer have the buckets of lego that I used to and buying the specific ones I needed was kind of a pain in the ass. (At least I already had the Autobrand stickers from Toyhax, one less thing to spend money on.) Now, enough about the purchasing of bits, on to the bots! The final list for my RB crew is: Chase-Breakaway Boulder-Hardhead Blades-Highbrow Heatwave-Perceptor Chase's was an easy enough choice, since Breakaway's alt mode was good for Chase and the chest shape fit him very well. All he needed was some paint and for me to make him a lightbar and mount it, pretty much. That's made from some leftover Kreo bits, shaped, sanded, and painted, and mounted with a couple more pieces of Kreo to create a moveable piece that can sit behind his head in root mode. It does unfortunately prevent him from transforming, but I keep all of my bots in root mode anyway, so I'm not terribly bothered. He also got a set of forearm "lights", made from appropriately shaped and painted lego pieces, and then a full repaint. I will say that the arm lights (which end up on his door panels in alt mode) are not show-accurate in shape, but I decided to take a cue from TFA Prowl and make them an actually symmetrical set of lights/blasters instead of whatever is going on with his RB character design. My custom, my rules. I took the main elements of his paintjob directly from the show, of course, and then expanded upon the very basic blocky scheme with details inspired by some other figures as well as some fanart I've seen. I also took the arms and legs off his titan master and sculpted a new headback over what was left, which I also did with the others. (No, I am not taking criticism, constructive or otherwise, on this point. I don't care about the gimmick, the main reason I went with this line was because it would be easiest to do face swaps on.) Boulder's was also pretty easy, as it's not a huge line and I had to work within the deluxe part. Hardhead is close enough in body shape and has treads, so he was a pretty solid base to start from. I started with the intent of adding some extra treads on his arms to make him read more Boulder and less obviously Hardhead, but they ended up looking pretty awful and obviously tacked on even just laid out on the figure, so instead I chose to swap his arms around so that the treads were on the front and then slightly modify them around the elbow joints to give a slightly greater range of motion, and then of course swap the hands over to the new correct sides. (That does mean he can't transform unless I swap them back, but I don't mind that.) I then shaved down the center of his chest completely (went a little too far and ended up with a hole, actually-oops) and added a chopped down piece of Lego windshield and the roof of a cheap dollar store semi truck (the same cheap dollar store semi I used to add a grill to Heatwave) to make his chest more accurate looking and, again, less obviously Hardhead-y, gave him a resculpted headback and then painted him up. I couldn't quite figure out how to give him scoop feet, but I think he's more stable on the feet he's got now, and not *all* of the toy iterations of Boulder actually have the exaggerated scoop feet anyway, so I'm calling him good for now. Blades I waffled a bit more on, because there were a couple options and all of them required me to compromise a bit and get creative. I feel like Misfire or Topspin might possibly also have worked if I'd wanted to go that route (there have been Blades toys where he was inexplicably a non-helo aircraft), but ultimately I went with Highbrow because *helicopter*. I feel like there might be shades of G1 Blades happening in things like the shape of the ankle/tail rotor, but I can't say I'm particularly mad about it. The only modifications I did on him were a shavedown of his faceplate (the sculpt is good, but he was approaching Animated-Sentinel-Prime levels of chinnage-more the fault of the RBA design than the creator of the faceplates), sculpting the headback and adding a curved panel on his chest to round it out a little and cover that weird square bit that seems to serve no real purpose. And then there's Heatwave. I know Perceptor seems perhaps an odd choice at first glance-after all, a tank/microscope is not, in fact, the same thing as a firetruck. I considered Kup or Blurr for the large clear cockpits, but in the end Percy won out as a base because the chest shape was perfect for Heatwave, and having at least that bit be accurate was important to me for having him read correctly. This guy took just a little bit more work than the others, although to be fair, not *much* more. I chopped the grill off of a cheap dollar store semi-truck of the approximately correct size and placed it over the autobrand on his abdomen, and then I removed his microscope and replaced it with a telescoping ladder attached to the whole assembly so that it sits between his shoulders and folds against his back to stick up behind his head as it should. Added some pegs and tires to his ankles and forearms and lego bits to his shoulders for lightbars and then I, once again, resculpted the headback and then painted him up properly. This Heatwave is absolutely allowed to say fuck, Hasbro be damned. Annnd that's it. I spent probably way too much money making this happen, for no purpose other than my own amusement. I hope that my making this post at least somewhat justifies the amount of money, time, and physical/mental energy I put into customizing these guys. I'm under no illusions that they're perfect, but they're mine and I like how they turned out.