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writingtoforgetreality · 3 years ago

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Faking To Pretend (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Request: cathy cathy cathy here i am with another request *sigh* i cant help myself your writing is just too good

i was wondering if i might request a steve rogers x reader fic where maybe reader and steve are paired up for a mission and have to pretend to be married (undercover) and some thing happen to kind of force them to admit their feelings for each other (maybe one of them gets injured? or kidnapped idk you do what you want to 😂) anyways LOVE YOU SO MUCH ❤️❤️ (by @msmarvelsmain), [Marvel-Masterlist]

Summary: Fake engagements, wedding plans & an undercover mission that jeopardized your well-being in the blink of an eye. Throughout it all, you somehow had to hide the fact that your feelings for Steve were just friendly, nothing more.

Words: 8,610

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, humor, argument, brief mentions of drugs, undercover mission (engagement & wedding plans), female pronouns used, that's pretty much it

[Mimi…this happens when our ideas get mixed up. LOVE YOU TOO!]

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

The familiar sound of a notification emanated from your phone. You deposited the book you had been immersed in onto the mattress & replaced it with the device. It confused you for a second when you noticed Tony being the one to message you. After all, you were literally in the same building.

Stark: meeting in 5.

(Y/N): you do know that you could tell me in person, right? just knock or something.

Stark: you’re too far away.

(Y/N): two doors, stark. TWO!

Stark: meeting in 4.

(Y/N): i hate you.

A loud sigh escaped through your lips. Typical Tony. Two could play that game. You planned on arriving right in time, not earlier. Maybe a few seconds too late. Anything to mess with him. At least he could get a taste of his own medicine that way.

“You’re a minute late.” Tony commented when he watched you walk inside the room. Your arms crossed over your chest as you leaned your shoulder against the door frame.

“You’re lucky I came in the first place.” you remarked. “Besides, I’m the first one here. Mission alone?” you questioned, raising your eyebrows while expectantly waiting for his answer. It was not usual for you to go alone. Except if the mission concerned grabbing pizza from the place down the block. You hoped for him that he did not pull that card, though.

“No but I wanted to discuss it with you before the others- oh, never mind.” Tony stopped talking when three more figures entered the room, brushing past your frame without paying too much attention to you. Sam. Bucky. Steve. What a damn combination. That was your team? Well, good luck. Everyone got seated on the chairs circling the big table but you stood your ground in the doorway. Steve patted the free chair next to his side, eyes flickering up to yours. A silent invitation you politely declined by shaking your head but you made sure that he could detect your small smile. Tony did not seem to mind & went straight ahead into explaining the mission you four had to perform. Most of the time, you zoned off though you really did try your hardest to stay focused. But when you glanced between the men in the room, you already knew the chaos that would come with them.

Basically, the team came across a signal emitting from the back of a small shop. From what you knew so far, it was some sort of a database that saved a whole lot of criminals. Some of them who you had fought in the past & some of them who you had never heard of but they sounded incredibly dangerous nevertheless.

“Question.” one of your hands raised & you waited for them to look at you.

“Go for it.” Tony pointed over to you, letting out a low breath because you were behaving as if you were in class & needed permission before speaking up.

“Why do Steve & I have to be the ones engaged?” normally, you would not care about undercover missions. But when said mission had you teamed up & fake-engaged to Steve? Well, you had a hard time separating work from personal feelings. Not that anything was going on between you guys but you would not lie if you said that you wanted to change it.

“What, do you want Sam & Bucky to be the couple in question?” Stark, in return, asked another question & you rolled your eyes.

“No, of course not.” that earned you disagreements from both, Sam & Bucky. Steve simply sat by, chuckling quietly while observing your conversation quietly.

“And Steve & you are close. It’ll be easier for you guys to pretend.” Tony casually stated & you had to fight the urge to avert your gaze. If you did, they sure as hell would realize something being wrong with you. And you were not about to be embarrassed in front of them. Maybe you already were but at least they did not know about it. After all, you were a fucking great actor.

“Uh-huh.” so you played it cool. As cool as the situation allowed you to be. “But why do we need Laurel & Hardy with us then?”

“Because I said so.” Tony used your most hated phrase & he damn well knew it. After a short pause, he turned a bit more serious again. “They’ll be Steve’s best men.”

“Wait.” your hand raised & you closed your eyes for a second. “Steve has two best men & I’m not allowed a maid of honor?” now everyone inside the meeting room was chuckling. Everyone but you.

“Pretty much, yeah.” Stark shrugged, brushing it off as nothing though he was aware that you were annoyed by his plan already.

“How is that fair?” you could not stop asking questions, somehow hoping that if you continued, you could get out of this successfully. Deep down, it was clear that the mission had been planned & you could not do anything to change it. Not even a single thing.

“It isn’t.” Tony admitted with a brief nod of his head. “But you’ll need Sam & Bucky on this one. So stop bitching around.”

“These are gonna be some long ass days…” you mumbled, putting your face in your hands in frustration.

“Enjoy!” & with that, Tony dismissed you, leaving you behind dumbfounded.

Sam & Bucky exited the room soon after. Steve & you were the only ones left.

“(Y/N)?” Steve’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. Immediately, the frown was replaced by a genuine grin. You found yourself in this state whenever he looked at you like that. Whenever he talked to you, actually. “Everything okay?” his eyes showed concern. They usually did when he noticed you zoning off.

“Huh?” you asked before the words had processed. “Oh, yeah. Of course.”

“I’m sorry about.” his hands gestured wildly, searching for the most suitable words. “The mission being uncomfortable for you.”

“No, it’s not uncomfortable.” you tried to explain yourself. “Just, sometimes I feel like Stark just wants to mess with me.”

“Well, if it helps cheering you up…I’ll behave.” he winked at you playfully & you hated how your body reacted to such simple movements.

“I’m sure you will.” you snickered. “My true worries are your best men.” a sly smirk spread onto your face & Steve could not hold back a chuckle.

“Yeah, I can’t control them.” he agreed with you. “I’ll see you around.” he walked past you, turning around one last time. You simply nodded at him, not trusting your own voice. While you handled the situation as best as you could, you wanted to avoid an awkward goodbye. Besides, you would set out first thing in the morning. You needed some alone time before shit started going down. Not that you expected this mission to fail. The exact opposite, actually. The four of you worked incredibly well together. Compensating other’s mistakes & improvising fast if needed. Mostly, though, you ended up straying from the actual plan & that was what had you worried. Because if you did not stick to it, things could turn real uncomfortable real quick.

As if the mission itself was not demanding enough, the car ride to even arrive at your destination was ten times worse. Steve was behind the wheel & you were lucky that you occupied the passenger’s seat & did not have to sit in the back with either Sam or Bucky. They were children, really. Right now, it felt like Steve & you were the parents of two incredibly challenging kids who could not shut their mouths. Not even for a second. Steve succeeded with ignoring them & he was concentrating on the road so that gave him another thing to do. You, on the other hand, were stuck without any distractions except for the bickering that was currently going on in the backseat. But you knew better than to interrupt them because if you did, it would only turn worse. So you took a few deep breaths & settled further into your seat, closing your eyes to maybe rest a bit before your arrival. What you did not notice was Steve glancing over to your figure, a smile playing at the corners of his lips as he recognized you attempting to sleep during the stress inside the car.

At least the hotel Tony checked you in was worth it. Fake-engagements had their perks. Especially if a luxurious suite was a part of it. Sam & Bucky were somewhere in another room but Steve & you, the two of you pretty much occupied an entire floor. That was how huge your room was. You did not even have to carry your own suitcases. There was an employee who helped you with that. What a nice way of living that was. If only you were not pretending. But why were you even thinking that way? You had a mission to perform & more importantly, you could not fail. And you would not if you solely focused on your task. It could not be that hard, right? You had done something similar multiple times before. It should be an easy one for you. But it was not. And the main reason was Steve. It was wrong of you to put the blame on him but how could you not if you literally had to pretend to be his fiancée? It felt like a secret wish you did not dare to voice. And yet he was here right in front of you, in the same room. A place you were supposed to share for the next few days. And you somehow had to play it cool. There was only one outcome. Burying your feelings deep down in order to not jeopardize the mission or your team. No matter how much your heart protested.

“(Y/N)?” you heard Steve’s voice as you were stepping out of the shower. Only a towel was covering your still wet body but you feared that, if you did not open the door right away, you were in danger somehow. That was your mind’s conclusion. Which really did not make any sense if you gave it a second thought. You opened the door a crack, risking a glance outside & eased when you only saw Steve on the other end. It was a natural reaction for you to push the door open wider. But you kind of forgot that you were not wearing any clothes except for that poor excuse of a hotel towel which was way too small for your liking. Steve’s eyes widened & he could not stop from letting them flicker up & down your body. You squirmed under his stare, arms coming to cross over your chest in order to keep the fabric in place. A few moments of awkward silence ticked by & you wanted it to end. So you coughed & gained his attention once more. His eyes were locking with yours & while you usually lost yourself in them, you were way more comfortable than having him eyeing your every part in great detail.

“You needed anything?” you stuttered out, hoping your voice did not sound all too weak but even to yourself, you were aware that you were failing.

“Um, yeah…” his cheeks turned rosy. One of his hands came up to scratch the back of his neck. “But I probably should’ve waited a couple minutes longer.” he should have but it was too late now anyway.

“If it’s nothing too important then I’ll go get dressed real quick, alright? I’ll take like two minutes.” you attempted an honest smile but it was underlined with a hint of embarrassment that was definitely detectable. Steve simply nodded, stepping back a bit so you could close the door once more. Your back rested against the wooden surface & you quietly sighed out with closed eyes. That was not what you expected. Fingers crossed nothing between you two would turn awkward from now on. But then again, he was your best friend & it was not like you were completely naked. Just barely dressed but covered enough so he did not see anything. You would be just fine.

With a decent outfit & regained confidence, you exited the bathroom & found Steve sitting at the edge of the bed, looking down at his hands where he shifted a small package between his fingers. His head snapped up when he heard your footsteps. You two exchanged a smile & it was then when you knew that your shamefaced encounter would not change the bond you shared. It was as if everything was the same old. And it was probably for the better.

“Was that why you needed something from me?” you gestured to the little box & Steve was brought back to reality. Right, there was a reason why he wanted to talk to you in the first place.

“Tony gave it to me right before we left.” he stood up & approached you with long steps. “Said it’d be more believable if you wore one.” Steve stretched out his hand so you could take the black package from him. With curious eyes & delicate fingers, you took it from him. Your eyebrows raised as your eyes met his but he only shrugged at you without giving you an actual explanation. Carefully, you uncapped the box & were shocked when you noticed the small, sparkling ring inside. The colors of the rainbow reflected in the diamond adorning the silver jewelry. It looked way too expensive for it to be a fake one.

“Tony wants me to wear an engagement ring?” you asked even though it was more than obvious. Maybe you just needed reassurance.

“Makes it more believable.” Steve repeated.

“It probably cost more than what I’ll earn in a lifetime.” you chuckled & closed the lid again.

“So you’re not gonna wear it?” he questioned cautiously. For a flicker, he turned insecure because maybe the reason why you refused to wear it was because you did not want people to believe he was your fiancé.

“Of course I’m gonna wear it! It’s stunning. Just…” you paused briefly & bit your bottom lip to contemplate your next words. “It’s expensive. I can’t risk losing it. I’ll put it on whenever we’re outta this room, though. I won’t be the one blowing our cover.” you assured & laughed because you were indirectly blaming Sam or Bucky to mess up. Steve silently agreed with you but did not say anything else as you situated the ring on the nightstand right next to the large bed. It was late, the moon already doing its job with providing a pleasant light that shone through the blinds & illuminated the gloomy suite. For tomorrow’s mission, you needed to be well-rested to fully function.

Steve insisted that you should occupy the bed on your own. He would be perfectly fine on the couch. The cushions of it were incredibly soft, Tony had paid a fortune after all, you still felt poorly for sleeping in the bed alone. Tomorrow would most likely bring him back pain. He was not the youngest soul, after all. Not that you would ever tell him. It was not meant as offending, though. If you were the one on the couch, your back would kill you as well. But you were too much of a coward to suggest that there was enough space for two people. That & you were scared that he did not even want to share in the first place. That could be an intelligible possibility. Your overthinking consumed quite a bit of time because when you heard Steve’s soft & even breaths, you knew that you were too late already. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe you could gain enough courage to ask him tomorrow. Why were you even so eager to have him beside you? What kind of question was that? You were very well aware why. The conversation you held with yourself in your mind came to an abrupt stop as exhaustion overcame & lulled you into a dreamless night.

Constant knocking stirred you awake. You groaned into your pillow because you were still tired but someone decided to shorten your rest. Assuming Steve was already up, you peeked over the blankets covering your body. You were right, he was opening the door. Appearing like he had not just got out of bed. Or off of the couch, in his case. Steve tried to be as quiet as possible, thinking that you were still passed out on the bed.

“G’morning.” you mumbled out & wiped your eyes with the back of your hands. Steve smiled at you. Right now, you looked cute. Pissed off because it was too early but that did not matter when you were all wrapped up in the blankets.

“Coffee?” he suggested & you immediately got into a sitting position at the mention of it. He had his answer then.

“Wait. What is this?” you gestured to the serving trolley Steve was pushing over to the bed. It was obvious what it was but you were bewildered because you did not expect him to order breakfast.

“Tony took our undercover mission very serious.” he shrugged, leaving the food next to you & wanting to grab a few things to eat by the table.

“No.” you shook your head & halted his movements. “I mean, come on. When was the last time you had breakfast in bed?” you patted the spot next to you. Steve paused for a second but after a short while of contemplation, he agreed & got seated on the mattress. Breakfast in bed. That itself would have been amazing but with Steve? It was almost as if a dream of yours got fulfilled. You needed to stop thinking that way. Undercover missions meant faking, pretending. Why were you struggling so much this time?

“I look like a bitch.” you commented once you got into your undercover outfit. Sam & Bucky were already in your suite & they complained about what a poor excuse their room was compared to yours.

“So what’s different?” Sam joked & earned a slap from you.

“First of all, if we don’t wear what Tony prepared for us, people will notice. And (Y/N)? You don’t look like a bitch, you’re good.” Steve commented & even though his words were not necessarily cute, they still did things to you.

“Woah, Steve. Nice ring you picked out there, pal.” Bucky spotted the diamond on your finger & could not help himself but tease you two about it.

“Could we all just focus on the mission?” funny thing that you were the one saying that. Considering that you probably struggled the most out of the four of you.

“Okay, got it. (Y/N) doesn’t look like a bitch but she acts like one.” Sam smirked & started sprinting through the suite when you took off to catch him. Steve & Bucky shook their heads & chuckled at your childish behavior. None of this was new, though. Things usually went that way when you were sent on a mission together.

“The signal comes from the back of this shop.” Steve whispered, all of you trying to stay undetected for the time being so you could discuss the plan further.

“It’s a pastry shop?” you pointed out & suddenly, three men were rolling their eyes at you. “What?”

“You expected something that sold knives?” Sam teased.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” you whisper-yelled.

“Sam, Bucky. You two enter the back while (Y/N) & I distract the guy.” Steve described your plan once more & you all nodded, each understanding their task. While you did not exactly know what you would do to grab the clerk’s attention, you were certain that you could think of something. Improvising was something you were skilled at, you simply hoped that Steve would not stand in the way.

“Welcome! What can I help y’all with?” the almost sweet voice of the man behind the counter was not what you would expect when you looked him up & down. At the same time, he really appeared out of place in a shop like that.

“Yes!” your enthusiasm, well fake-enthusiasm, was more than obvious & you wrapped your arms around Steve’s torso to get into character. “My fiancé & I are looking for some pies for our upcoming wedding.” Steve let you do the talking, his only response being a nod, underlined with a genuine smile.

“Ah, young love.” the guy clicked his tongue & shook his head slightly. “We have a variety of our best wedding cakes right here.” he pointed to a selection behind a class cabinet.

“No, no, no.” you contradicted. “We’d love to have pie at our wedding. I saw you have some delicious looking options over there.” you gestured to the other side of the shop.

“Pie at a wedding? Isn’t that a little unconventional?” the seller raised his eyebrows, seemingly suspicious & it looked like Steve noticed that as well.

“I think we’ll do fine with cak-“ but before he had the chance to finish, you nudged him with your elbow & shot him a look. “I’m sure your cake is great but pie reflects us better.” Steve corrected himself quickly once he realized what you were planning to do.

“Alrighty, then please follow me over there.” the place behind the counter was now free so Sam & Bucky had a clear path to enter. “Any preferences?”

“Anything, really.” you encouraged the man who opened the showcase. He was so busy with his task, Sam & Bucky had it easy to break in. The corners of your eyes spotted their figures. Now they just needed more time to successfully get the information you all needed.

“Can I ask y’all something?” the clerk spoke up after handing you yet another sample of pie. Truthfully, it was a dream come true. Spending time with Steve while eating pie after pie? If only you did not have to pretend. Did you pretend? Or did you fake to pretend? Your brain did not make sense anymore.

“Go for it.” Steve encouraged.

“You’re the first couple to ask for pie samples. What’s up with that?” the man asked curiously, no longer looking at you like you were suspicious but genuinely interested.

“Well.” Steve chuckled & you could not help but let your gaze flicker up to his face. “We are a very unusual couple. Pie at a wedding is unusual. It’s perfect.” while he spoke those last words, his eyes locked with yours & you could have sworn that time halted right then & there. But you had to snap out of it. For the sake of this mission. A look over the shop owner’s shoulder confirmed that you did not have to pretend too much longer. Sam & Bucky were already on their way out again, turning their heads in your direction to silently confirm that they were done. Successful? That you could not tell just yet.

A few minutes & another pie later, you looked at your watch on your wrist & gasped exaggeratingly.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Steve asked & you almost gasped again, though this time, it would have been for an entirely different reason.

“Um, it’s late, we need to head to the thing.” you were doing so well & now, at the end, you managed to slip.

“The thing?” Steve inquired & by the look on your face he could tell that you were overwhelmed & could not think of a proper excuse. “Oh, the fitting.” he quickly added, hoping nobody would ask which kind of fitting. Seemed like you two were lucky today.

“In that case…I’ll let y’all go. Do you want me to put the rest of the samples in a box for you to take home? That way you have more time to figure out which one to choose.” he reasoned & Steve & you nodded gratefully. Behind the counter, he worked quickly & handed you a paper bag in no time.

“Thanks, man. We’ll get back to you.” Steve waved, putting an arm over your shoulder as you exited the shop. The moment you were out, you could finally breathe again. Missions made you extremely nervous. Undercover missions such as this one, actually. During the others you were perfectly fine.

“Thanks for helping me out back in there.” you chuckled once you were out of sight.

“Pie? Really? Wouldn’t have surprised me if he just saw through us right away.” Steve said with a smile on his face. Good, so he was not mad at you.

“In my defense…The pies were at the other end of the shop so I helped Sam & Bucky.” you finished your sentence but it sounded as if you wanted to add something.

“And you love pie?” Steve did not even have to ask, he knew you well enough.

“And I love pie.” you repeated & laughed. Steve still had not let go of you, hugging you to the side of his body. You did not seem to mind so he kept continuing to hold you close.

Steve placed the paper bag on the small table right in the entrance area. Immediately, you went to the bathroom to rid yourself of that stupid outfit you had to wear & threw on something more comfortable. Once you exited, Sam was already in your suite. The four of you decided to have the meeting in your room because it was bigger & the others kind of wanted to move in with you.

“What’s in there?” Sam asked, pointing to the brown paper bag.

“Pie.” you simply answered without much thought. Sam hummed but did not say anything else. Steve & you were in the living room area, waiting for Bucky to show up so you could start discussing more about this mission. Specifically what they found out during their inspection. The creak of the door gained your attention & you looked up only to find Bucky entering. Your gaze then flickered to Sam who was hiding behind the door, pie in one hand, his free hand came to his mouth, telling you to be quiet. It all happened too fast, Bucky was in Sam’s sight & in an instant, there was a pie right in the super soldier’s face. Steve came right in time to watch the scene, his previous intention to greet his best friend completely forgotten now.

“Sam.” Bucky growled, way too quiet for your liking. But you could not focus on his warning right now. You glanced over your shoulder & noticed Steve’s almost sad expression. The only one who could not control his laughter was Sam. He was practically on the floor because he was laughing so hard. The only emotion running through you was anger.

“I. WANTED. TO. EAT. THAT.” you were seething & all three men turned their heads at your tone.

“Sorry?” Sam tried but you were having none of it.

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” you pretty much yelled.

“I’m gonna kill you.” Bucky whispered & Sam took that as his cue to run away, through that labyrinth of your suite. Bucky sprinted after him, leaving Steve to shake his head at their childish behavior.

“(Y/N)?” Steve’s voice was soft & yet it did nothing to calm you down. You really did love pie & you had been excited to eat the rest of it in bed tonight ever since you left that shop.

“WHAT?” you snapped back, only now realizing that it was not Steve’s fault. “I’m sorry.” you added almost inaudible.

“It’s fine.” he raised his eyebrows & opened his arms. You were not sure why but Steve wanted to hug you & you never declined one of his hugs. So you fell into his embrace, both of you silently knowing that this action was not because of a stupid pie. Though you had to admit that you were mad at Sam that you could not eat the rest anymore. This hug held a deeper meaning & for a few seconds, you let yourself enjoy it. Until a loud screech from the other room snapped you back into the present. Steve & you parted unwillingly. You had to, before Sam & Bucky ended up killing each other.

The four of you sat around the coffee table, you occupying the floor while the others each took a seat on the oversized couch. A pout was still very much present on your face. Yes, you were mad at Sam but you had other things, more important things, to deal with right now. Revenge could come later.

“So?” Steve was the one to speak up after nobody else made a move to do so.

“Sam & I managed to break in.” Bucky casually said as if you did not see that to begin with. That was the plan after all.

“But?” your tone was still harsh but you tried your hardest to push that aside.

“We couldn’t hack the system.” Sam finished. “That’s your specialty.”

“Okay, wait.” you closed your eyes briefly. “You wanna tell me that it took you what felt like an eternity to check out the back room only to sit here now & tell us that you couldn’t get the information?” you concluded with a loud sigh.

“In our defense…We know that we’re definitely looking at the right place.” Bucky commented, careful to not anger you any further.

“So what do you suggest?” Steve asked the two men.

“We’ll go there again tonight. All of us. (Y/N) here hacks the system & we’ll see what we can do after that.” Sam established the new plan & you nodded in understanding.

“I still hate you for wasting the pie on Bucky.” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Sam chuckled though you knew he was not planning on keeping his promise.

“Alright, please go back to your room before I do something I might regret later.” you motioned for Sam & Bucky to leave & they did after arranging a time to meet again.

Since you had the brains in this group, it was an easy one for you to deactivate the security cameras without being seen. After that, you went on to the alarm system & turned it off as well. Which meant that you were free to go. It was the dead of the night, nobody was around. You could enter without a single soul watching you. Steve pushed his body weight against the back door. Once, twice. Until it opened.

“You do know that I could’ve picked the lock, right?” your voice made him spin around. It looked like he only now thought of that but he brushed it off, pretending that this was his plan & it worked out the way he wanted to. The room appeared rather normal. Nothing that caught your eye, nothing that was out of place. An office like you had seen multiple times. The computer was turned off so you changed that real quick, waiting for the screens to light up.

“Earlier today, it wasn’t protected by a password.” Sam furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yeah, dumbass. Because the computer was on already. Give me a second.” you opened various drawers to look for a sign as to what the password could possibly be. The others let you do your work, not daring to speak up to interrupt you. “There we go.” you found a small paper in between some notebooks. Not necessarily the safest place to keep secret things but you would not judge. The home screen showed up. Again, nothing special. Simply a picture of flowers. Weird for the guy who worked here but that was none of your concerns.

“And?” Steve broke the silence.

“There are some decrypted files…” you mumbled, sitting down on the office chair. This would take a bit longer, you assumed.

“Can you get access?” another question from Steve. At least the children were quiet for now.

“Of course I can.” you smiled triumphantly. “Give me a few minutes, though.” you were so focused on the screen, you did not see the others nodding. It was tough, you were not going to lie, but it was you who hacked into the system. You never failed with that.

“Huh.” you breathed out. Truthfully, you were overwhelmed with all the information you were receiving with one look only. Steve, Sam & Bucky each took a place behind you, staring at the screen curiously. “Guys? That’s…scary.” you chuckled uncomfortably.

“What is this?” Bucky mumbled quietly but since it was so silent in this room, everyone heard. This was way bigger than you initially thought. Once you made it back to your hotel, you needed to call Tony.

“(Y/N).” Steve shoved you away gently, taking the mouse in his hand to enlarge what caught his attention. You had to gulp at what you saw. What the hell were you doing on there? Steve’s muscles tensed, you could tell by one single look at him. It took a few deep breaths from your side until you started the process of transferring the information on your little flash drive. ”(Y/N).” Steve tried again, this time a bit louder.

“Yeah, I know.” you answered, ignoring your fast beating heart as much as it was possible. “I got everything, let’s head back.” it was clear that you wanted to leave this place behind & you were the first who made it out into the cool night air. Breathing worked easier out here.

“Hey, Tony.” by now, you were back in your hotel room, picking up your phone to call Tony once Steve went into the bathroom.

“(Y/N)! Successful?” he asked, already thinking that you finished this mission & started heading home.

“Not yet. Seems like this is bigger than we thought…” you trailed off at the end, not really wanting to explain what you found out.

“Bigger how? (Y/L/N), come on.” Tony urged & heard you sigh over the phone.

“It was at the back of the shop, that was correct. I hacked into the system & …it looks like it’s some sort of website where people can pay beforehand, assigning criminals for certain acts. It’s huge, Tony. Tons of people have an account & there are so many new assignments every minute…I’ll send you the data in a second, okay? We’ll check out the coordinates we found tomorrow. We think it could lead us to a very important member of this website. And maybe the guy from the shop has something to do with it, though I’m not sure which part he plays in all of that.” you left out a very significant detail & hoped he would not ask more questions.

“There’s something else.” he stated, knowing you better even though he could not read your body language like he usually did.

“That’s all. I promise we’ll finish this missi-“ your phone was taken from you but before you could complain about it, Steve continued the call with Tony.

“Someone instructed to eliminate (Y/N) because, & I quote, “She’s too pretty to be part of the Avengers”. That assignment was where we got the coordinates from. Means the guy from the shop probably manages all of that but he isn’t the one we’re looking for.” silence enveloped you two & you figured that Tony was talking on the other end. “Yeah, sure. That’s the top priority. We’ll work on that & you start looking into the website.” Steve ended the call & threw your phone on the mattress next to where you were sitting.

“What the hell, Steve?” you were furious because he acted differently. And not in a good way. The only response from him was a cold look. He then moved out to the balcony that was attached to your suite. It was unusual for him to be so distanced, especially when it came to you. And you were hesitant to follow him. Considering his body language, he was mad at you. Why? You had no idea. Did you do anything to piss him off? Your gaze fell to your hands in your lap. The diamond on your ring finger sparkled beautifully. You recalled how it felt to be next to Steve, in that small pastry shop where you ate pie after pie to pick the perfect one for your wedding. This was something that could never be. It was all pretending but why did it feel so real to you? Steve probably was not struggling as much as you were & you hated yourself for it.

A hand on his shoulder startled him. Steve eased when he found you standing next to him. The sun would begin rising soon but the both of you were not tired at all. Though the reasons were different. Steve’s mind was still occupied with the information that there was someone out there who paid an awful lot of money to have you eliminated. You, on the other hand, struggled with keeping your feelings buried. Your hands held onto the railing. The movement made Steve look down where the engagement ring was still adorning your hand. You had not taken it off yet. In fact, he only realized that now, you even wore it during your mission of breaking into the shop. Sam & Bucky did not comment on it & to Steve, it was almost…normal. But you did say you would not keep it on you unless you were outside, pretending to be engaged to him.

“What did I do?” your voice interrupted his racing thoughts.

“What?” Steve was confused that you believed you did something wrong.

“Ever since we got outta that shop, you’ve been distant & cold. Was it something I did?” you kept looking straight forward, not wanting to hold eye contact because you feared the worst. That you managed to mess up somehow & Steve was angry at you.

“You didn’t do anything.” his body faced yours & you could practically feel his eyes on you. His intense stare made your breath hitch up.

“You sure about that?” finally, you turned around. Your bodies were almost touching, you underestimated the distance between you two.

“You act as if you don’t care.” his statement had you furrow your eyebrows. He rolled his eyes but continued anyway. “Someone paid a huge amount of money. To have you killed. And here you are, pretending that it doesn’t matter. It’s something you’re really good at, huh? Pretending.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” your voice raised slightly but you still wanted to keep it down, you were outside, everyone could hear your conversation.

“See? You’re doing it again.” Steve called you out. “We found that piece of information by accident.”

“I’m aware.” you arms went to hug yourself. A distraction that barely did its job.

“So your life means nothing to you.” his words were harsh. And if you were honest, they hurt. A lot.

“I never said that.” you hated how your voice wavered. How you could not appear to be the strong woman right now.

“You act like it, though.” with each word he said, your heart broke a little more. If only he knew. “I understand. This whole pretending thing is something you’re good at. This mission showed that much. But this is real, (Y/N). So, for a second, stop pretending & act like you care!”

“STOP!” you yelled out of breath. Instinctively, Steve took a step back, eyes wide by your sudden outburst. “Just stop.” this time, you spoke it much softer. Your gaze flickered to the ground, head hanging low.

“I’m sorr-“ Steve was interrupted.

“I said stop.” you repeated. “Steve, we’re on a mission. We’re supposed to put a stop to this shit. None of this has anything to do with me pretending to be your fiancée or me pretending that I don’t give a damn about my life.”

“Are you sure about that?” he emphasized. One hand went to the diamond on your finger & slipped it off. You made a fist around it, though it was not with a lot of pressure. You did not intend to damage the ring.

“I might be good at pretending but I’m no professional.” you admitted. Steve grew more & more confused. He did not know you were talking about the fact that you were not pretending to be engaged to him. To you, it felt natural, it felt good. Right now, though, you did pretend that none of this faced you. But Steve could not tell the difference.

“Can I be honest with you?” he waited until your eyes met his.

“Go ahead.” you waved your hand for him to continue.

“I was cold towards you because once we found out about that, you didn’t say anything about it. And I can’t believe that you just don’t care about it. About your life. I can’t. You don’t have to pretend when you’re with me, you know that. We’re not engaged right now. No undercover mission. You & me. So please be honest with me.” he took your hands into his & you did not flinch back. The touch grounded you but it was no lie that you were having a hard time to be completely honest with him.

“Why do you care so much?” maybe not the smartest thing to ask. Steve’s reaction was proof enough. He let go of your hands, turned his back towards you & let out a breathless laugh. His hands raised to his hair, messing it up in the slightest. Seconds ticked by but it felt like hours until he spun around once more.

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” it seemed like that confession made the both of you stop dead in your tracks. It was not the first time Steve said those words but his tone differed from the previous ones. Still, chances were high he addressed your friendship with that. Because you were friends. Simple friends. “Say something.” he grew desperate when you did not reply.

“I-I don’t know what you want me to say. That I love you, too? You know that, Steve.” your words were steady, calculated. It was too soon to get your hopes up.

“How far do I have to go for you to realize that I want you?” he approached you, hesitancy in his steps. “Didn’t it feel natural to you when we acted like a couple? Because, I can’t keep that up anymore, I can’t. Tell me you don’t feel the same & I’ll back off. We can forget this right now, we don’t have to talk about it anymore. But if you-“ his speech was cute but you had to be close to him now that he finally confessed that there was more between you two. You cupped his cheeks & pulled him in to kiss him. Steve was shocked at first but it did not take him too long until his hands rested on your waist, tightening his grip on you. After parting, Steve kept his forehead against yours. Both of you had your eyes closed, breathing the same air. You imagined this exact moment more than once. But never before had it played out like that. Not that you were complaining, your feelings were finally out there.

“You were wrong, you know?” as much as you enjoyed the silence, there was still something you wanted him to know.

“Wrong about what?” he opened his eyes to look at every feature of you. Because it was no longer forbidden, he was allowed to do that now.

“I didn’t pretend while we were in the shop pie tasting.” you admitted, a small smile playing at the corner of your lips. “I faked pretending, if that makes sense…But, after I saw the bounty on my head, I started pretending.” he nodded at you, squeezing your waist once to encourage you to keep talking. “Steve? I’m scared.”

“It’s okay.” Steve’s arms went around your shoulders, pulling you close once again. His chin on your head. If only that could dispose of all of your worries. The only thing he could do was letting you hold onto him.

Steve did not sleep on the couch that night. Not because he did not want to but because you insisted to have him close. It was not the first time you two shared a bed. Sometimes, when missions did not allow you anything else, you ended up next to each other. Tonight felt different, better. Because there was no longer a weight on your heart. Were you two in a relationship already? Maybe you had been for some time but the two of you were too oblivious to notice. There was enough time to label whatever this was as soon as this mission was over. Your focus should solely be on this mission. Tons of lives depended on it. Yours included.

“You’re stubborn. Do you know that?” the next morning came sooner than you would have liked. No time for cuddling in bed, no time for breakfast. Two hours of sleep was all you got. But you had never felt this rested in your entire life. The reason was a certain super soldier. Not that you would ever admit that.

“Would I have chickened out if I didn’t know they were after me? No. I can handle myself.” Steve suggested for you to stay behind because they were looking for you. It could bring on unnecessary danger & he obviously needed you to be safe.

“But we know now.” Steve tried reasoning but it was useless, you already made your decision.

“Right. So it’s time to put a stop to it. Come on, Sam & Bucky are waiting for us.” you were out of the door before Steve found enough time to argue with you.

The drive to the coordinates was tense. Not even the kids in the back were joking around. Possibly because this mission turned into something way more hazardous. The situation between Steve & you was the same. Hence why nobody commented on it. After all, you pretty much confessed before there was an actual confession. Therefore, it was the same old. The only difference was your gut feeling that did not give you a hard time anymore. That was not entirely true. You had a bad gut feeling but for another reason.

“That’s the house?” you gestured to the building after the car came to a stop.

“This is it.” Steve confirmed.

“I don’t know why I expected some sort of villa.” Bucky commented while glancing out of the window.

“Maybe that would be too obvious. I mean, we do know that they receive the money beforehand, right? And I’m sure that the order to eliminate me wasn’t his first one.” you spotted Steve tensing up when you talked about that assignment. Your hand squeezed his shoulder & you hoped that your smile was convincing enough. You were alright & you would be after this mission. With Steve, Sam & Bucky on your side, you had nothing to fear. If push came to shove, they would go out of their ways to keep you safe.

“Steve?” Sam spoke up. “You know we need him alive, right?”

“Of course.” Steve nodded though his mind was contemplating going further than that. Unfortunately, you still had to figure out who was the one to assign this to the criminal. Tony was onto that, checking if there was more to find out about that anonymous account who paid the money. “A few punches won’t kill him.”

It was the break of dawn & the neighborhood was completely empty. The silence inside the car was interrupted by Steve’s sign to make a move. All of you stayed close together, you were not about to make the same mistake people did in horror movies. Besides, you felt safer with them around. A noise made you spin around. It was coming from down the hallway. Steve took the lead, you right behind him. Sam & Bucky trailing behind after you. A gun was clutched in your hand but you were not intending to use it today. Hopefully there was no need to. Steve shot you a look over his shoulder, silently telling you to be prepared. When he pushed the door open with his body weight this time, you did not tease him about it like you did when you broke into the back of the pastry shop the other night. The sight you were met with was…unexpected. There was a man sitting behind his computer. The room smelled like drugs. A mixture of multiple things you could not identify & did not even want to.

“Woah, you’re the Avengers.” he slurred his words. So he was drunk as well. “Hey, I’m supposed to kill you.” he pointed at your figure & instinctively, Steve stepped in front of you. Shielding your body with his.

“You sure that’s our guy?” Sam leaned closer to you & whispered. Your shoulders shrugged & you pointed over to the desk where a name tag was proudly displayed. Seemed like he was not the smartest guy if he used the same name for his account on that website. Your heartrate slowed down because you knew you were not in danger. Not right now. Steve approached the man, coming to a halt mere inches away from him. His hand balled into a fist & after one punch in the guy’s face, he was on the floor, unconscious.

“Huh.” you breathed out. “That was almost too easy.”

“Yeah, if we forget about the website where thousands of people assign offenders every single day.” Bucky was right, of course. You stumbled across something way bigger. Hopefully Tony had good news once you returned.

The police was called. They inspected the room & that guy really was everything but intelligent. He horded a file full of his assignments. He would not see the sunlight again, that much was sure. Steve & you waited outside, leaning on the hood of the car. Sam & Bucky were busy talking to the officers.

“Hey.” you started & nudged Steve with your elbow. “Is it appropriate to thank that asshole?”

“What for? For wanting to kill you?” he answered with furrowed eyebrows.

“No.” you chuckled. “But…if it were not for him, we wouldn’t have confessed.”

“There was a possibility that he was dangerous. Maybe we just caught him at a bad time.” Steve mumbled the last part.

“Let’s not worry about that, alright? I’m fine. See?” you gestured to your body, a big smile adorning your features.

“I know.” he nodded but it was obvious that he was still careful about this entire situation.

“I love you.” that seemed to do the job. His eyes met yours, his expression less tense & softer.

“I know that, too.” he smirked when you playfully slapped his chest.

“Steve, you ruined a very roman-“ his lips were on yours before you could finish your complaint. Steve was aware what he was doing, because he smiled into the kiss which caused you to giggle.

“I love you, too.” his lips still ghosted over yours. You could feel as his words left them. “Romantic enough?”

“I’m sure you can do better.” you pulled away & winked at him, moving away to join Sam & Bucky. Steve’s eyes followed your body & he shook his head at you. Yes, he did love you. A lot. And he was already planning how to make his next move even more romantic.

Published (05/18/2021) by Cathy

✨MY Ko-fi PAGE✨

Tags: @zestyemby, @captainxholmes, @met4no1a, @bibliophilewednesday, @weareironmanbitches, @n3ssm0nique, @2bornot2b, @iaalien, @bibliophilewednesday (thanks for your support <3)

210 notes · View notes

threeletterslife · 4 years ago

Text

Sticky Notes [Request]

→ summary: You and Yoongi aren’t very good with words. But there’s a perfect, nonverbal form of communication that might just help tie your relationship back together.

→ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader | PG-13

→ genre: 80% mellow angst, 20% fluff | est. relationship!au

→ warnings: profanity (a scary argument 🥺)

→ wordcount: 5k

→ a/n: my second request! i hope i did domestic yoongi justice!!

Hesitation.

Wavering.

Doubt.

They're sentiments that Min Yoongi distinguishes all too well. His fist hovers over the closed door of your humble studio room, where he can listen to the booming of your bass guitar and the lyrical harmony of your newest melodic creations. He wonders... If he knocks, will you even be able to hear? Or perhaps you can hear him. But what makes him think that you will bother to answer?

Yoongi wants to say goodbye to you before commuting to work. He wants to tell you—nag you—to eat breakfast at a reasonable time and move around a little to avoid muscle pain in your forties—not that he's assuming he'll still be with you by then. But he'd still care for you.

There's an uncomfortable urge to tell you that you won't see him until after 9 p.m. today. That you should probably eat dinner by yourself. Which you've been doing these days anyway. So maybe this whole attempt is worthless. Yoongi shakes his head, his hand slowly lowering in defeat.

He has a lot of things he wants to say. But most of all, he wants to say he's sorry. For a lot. For everything. The apology sits at the tip of his tongue, threatening to spill out any second now. It's stupid, though, a prospective vain attempt. You will never be able to hear him over the loud music.

So, just like always, Yoongi lingers by your door for a few moments longer before walking away.

The timing is constantly off. An hour or two later after Yoongi's departure to work, you come out of your studio, eyes bloodshot and body positively drooping with enervation. You blink a few times to adjust yourself to your surroundings, only to catch sight of a bright green sticky note accompanied by chicken scratch handwriting on the wall in front of you. Instinctively, your hand reaches out to peel the note off the wall and read its contents.

Work til 9. Eat without me.

He's been coming home later and later these days. But no matter. You shrug, absentmindedly crumpling the note up and tossing it in the trash nearby. The clock on the wall points to 1 p.m. It looks like you've completely given up on breakfast at this point. Lunchtime it is.

Sliding your headphones over your ears and carrying your stack of composed music, you trudge into the cramped kitchen space, rummaging about in the nearly empty cupboards to come up with a half-empty cereal box. While consuming bits of soggy, stale cereal, you splay out your music notes, your metal spoon becoming a makeshift baton as you conduct the beat of your songs in your mind, all the while writing the lyrics as you go. Even during mealtimes, you can't escape the trance that music holds on you; there is not a moment that goes by when you don't think about it. The thought consumes you to the point that sometimes, it's all you eat, breathe and sleep. It's like there's no more room for anything else. Which is fine by you.

By 1:30 p.m., you get a surprising phone call from Yoongi. He almost never calls. Just texts as both of you deem it more convenient.

"...Hello?" you say, hesitantly, wearily.

"Hey..." comes Yoongi's voice. It's smooth, a little gravelly and is twisted with worry. You can't remember how long it's been since you've heard him speak. Against your better judgment, you'd missed it. "Did you see my note?"

"Oh... the one on the wall?" You begin to pick at the edges of your music sheets, your leg bouncing up and down in your seat. The note is probably lying somewhere in the trash now. Had he had wanted you to keep it? But then again, what would you have done with a sticky note with such a trivial message written on it?

"Um, there was actually another note I made. I think... Yeah, it's the one on the cereal box..."

"Oh..." You didn't see that. Quickly, your hand reaches out to turn over the old cereal box, finding a familiar green sticky note pasted flat in the middle of the surface.

Stop eating this. It's old, unhealthy and contains more C₆H₁₂O₆ than you need.

You look towards your nearly empty bowl of cereal, an amused smile spreading across your cracked lips. "Kinda too late now..." Your free hand fumbles with your pen, bringing it up to your mouth as your chew on it thoughtfully. "So... why'd you call?"

"Mmm... Just wanted to hear your voice."

Your pen lifts from your lips as you smile. "You know, you used to say that a lot."

"Say what?"

You're fumbling to find words. "I mean... Remember? You used to call me totally out of the blue, and then you'd tell me you did it just 'cause you wanted to hear my voice."

"Well, you do have a nice voice."

You shake your head, smiling to yourself as you pick up your pen again, using it to doodle ugly hash marks on the corner of your music sheets. "Why are you coming home late tonight?"

"Ah..." There's a short pause on the other line. "Just um... some stupid company outing."

"Oh." Yoongi usually makes the most ridiculous excuses not to go, but it looks like he's willing to do anything to stay away from home these days.

"I tried to get out of it but the boss insists. You know how it is."

"Yeah." But you don't know how it is. You've never had a job of your own, a boss to tell you what to do. It's always been music for you. Working at home, whenever you want, wherever you want.

"So... I'll see you at home?"

"Mhm."

"Don't overwork yourself."

"You too."

The call clicks to an end, and the smile on your lips wavers away into a stern line. But you don't dwindle to think or to reflect; you're on the move again.

You gather your cereal bowl, emptying the remains of it down the drain and then washing the dishes that had been neglected in the sink for much too long. The other menial chores follow—taking out the trash, dusting the tops of the kitchen lights, vacuuming the small living room space. The whole while, you hum to yourself, your headphones blasting your own music as you take mental notes in your head of areas that need improvement and a bit of last-minute tweaking. But doing so many chores all at once fatigues you.

A migraine creeps into your head. It's hard to stay standing after that. You situate yourself on the couch, stretching out your stiff back against the old material. Your head throbs, so you flutter your eyes shut, trying to block out everything until it's just you and your own mind, lying in silence. Almost immediately, however, your eyes open and you frown. This doesn't seem very productive, lazying around on the couch. Doing something, anything, is better than doing nothing. Habitually, you reach for your phone, letting it charge while opening up your music app. Holding your throbbing head, you decide to explore the application, scrolling through your homepage and music library without tapping to play any of the songs. Right now, listening to any more music doesn't sound like too good of an idea.

The hundreds of playlists you've created over the years catch your eye. A long time ago, when you were bored, you used to scroll through them, reliving the memories you'd had while these songs had played in the background. A long time ago, you'd made playlists for every situation, every occasion imaginable because music always sets the mood. It's been years since you've revived your recollections though, and it's been even longer since you've made a new music playlist.

It's time for a good recall.

You begin to scroll through your playlists, the most recent ones at the top and the rest falling down in chiastic order. There are your study playlists for rainy days. Your instrumental inspirational dreamland vibe playlist. Your Chakra guided meditation playlist for long-winded weekdays. Most of them are tame. Practical.

But the more you scroll through, reading the playlist titles, the more nostalgia seeps in, tainting your mind and making you... what's the word? That word that brings pain to your heart, squeezing it while also making you feel sick in the stomach. Ah, it's sadness. Sorrow too. That's the feeling. You recall the good times, and instead of feeling blessed that you've ever experienced those kind moments, you feel regretful. Why aren't you this happy now?

Your eyes glaze over the playlist titles.

"Songs for dancing in the rain with him."

"Songs for karaoke night with him."

"Songs for karaoke night with him but he's drunk so these songs are easier to sing. (To save my poor ears.)"

"Songs for our nightly baking fiascos at 2 a.m."

"Tame songs for reading together in bed."

"Songs I want him to listen to."

"Songs he recommended for me because he loves me."

Tears begin to prick your eyes. It feels like you're reliving the honeymoon phase of your relationship with Yoongi again—all through the medium of music. You remember now... Both of you had been so romantic at one point. Your hand creeps up to your mouth, covering it to muffle any sobs that threaten to spill out of your throat. You continue your search, and it ends up revealing much more. Almost too much.

"Parade songs to play when he gets back from work."

"Songs that describe how I feel when I kiss him."

"Songs that he says describes how he feels when he kisses me."

"Songs for making out with him."

"Songs for sexy times ;)"

"Songs for meaningful conversations held exclusively in the moonlight."

"Songs for making love with the love of my life."

You have to turn your phone off. It's too much to handle. Quickly, you wipe the remnants of your tears on your sleeve. The pain of the good memories had chased away your migraine, but you're not sure if you feel any better.

When was the last time you'd gotten physical with Yoongi? When was the last time the two of you talked in person? You can't even remember the last time you've seen his face. Or the last time you suggested playing background music while doing a shared activity with him... But what can you do? It takes two to mend problems like these, and with Yoongi so distant, you're not sure if the problem will ever be addressed.

No matter.

It doesn't really matter.

You sit up from the couch, tugging your headphones over your ears. It's time to work again.

Time flies beyond your control because before you know it, it happens to be 8 o'clock. You're completely famished, so you end up 'cooking' some instant curry for yourself, leaving some to the side for Yoongi to eat. He normally hates microwavable foods, but the fridge has been barrenly empty for an embarrassing amount of time. Instant curry is the best you can do.

You set his plate, neatly placing some silverware to the side for him to use as well. You don't even think when you grab the half-used stack of green sticky notes, tearing one off and pasting it in front of the dish. It's habitual. To be communicating with Post-Its.

'Microwave the curry!' You scrawl the words deftly on the paper with your ballpoint pen, looking back to admire your handiwork. But something feels off.

It's that damn exclamation mark. It doesn't feel like you.

You end up tossing that green sticky note to the side, reaching for another. This time, you contemplate before writing, 'Welcome back <3 Microwave the dish.'

You stare at your loopy handwriting, eyebrows knitting together as you scrutinize every detail of it. It still doesn't look right. You're beginning to overanalyze the little sideways heart you'd sketched. The sides are uneven, the lines are shakey and worst of all, it's undeniably cringe-worthy. You're not a fucking college student in love anymore. A deep sigh escapes your lips as you violently tear the sticky note off of the table, crumbling it up and shoving it away from you. Ripping your third (and hopefully final) sticky note from the stack, you sign a simple, 'Microwave please.'

And before you can second guess yourself, you push the plate and sticky note away—in time, you'll forget about it. Then, you try to lose yourself in the world of your music again, drowning in the pretty harmonies and sinking into the sounds of the soft synths that happen to be the framework of your song.

Yoongi's always nagging you about your health. He would probably say something right now about how drowsy you are just minutes after you've eaten dinner. He'd tell you some bullshit like sleeping after consuming a big meal is bad for you or how you should get some exercise in before going to bed so you won't regret it when you're older. Regardless of what you think Yoongi would chastise you about, you fall asleep anyways, hands clutching your pen and face resting on your splayed music sheets.

The front door opens half an hour later—exactly at 9:00 p.m., just like he'd promised. Yoongi steps into an oddly quiet house. Living in the same space as a music-crazed artist like you, it's not often that he gets his silence. Yet the soundlessness is a little eerie. The only light that is visibly on is the one in the kitchen, glowing dimly in the dark. When Yoongi walks closer, he sees that you've fallen asleep at the kitchen table.

He grumbles slightly at the calamity that is your music sheets. They're practically everywhere on the table, and the only space that there aren't any of your music is the barely lukewarm dish of curry and a... green sticky note?

Unknowingly, Yoongi smiles. He reaches for the note and takes your message in. It's cute. That you set up the silverware like that and made the curry—though it's painfully instant curry—with such thought put into the presentation. But then Yoongi catches two other crumpled-up sticky notes to the side. His eyebrows raise as he extends his arm for them, eyes glossing over them quickly.

His smile widens.

Yoongi looks over at your sleeping body, resting against the table quite comfortably. He debates whether he should wake you up... Whether this would put an end to everything that had culminated thus far. His hand raises, hovering over your shoulder, ready to shake you awake. But he pauses. Then, he lowers his hands, shaking his head.

He'll let you sleep. You probably need it anyway.

You wake up at dawn in good warmth. Though a bit groggy, you can immediately recognize the slight citrusy smell of Yoongi's cologne around you. He must've been here. Soon, you come to realize that you'd slept so comfortably—and in warmth—because Yoongi had wrapped his jacket around you.

With your eyes finally adjusting to the early morning gloom, you see a familiar bright green sticky note in front of you, pasted right on top of a stack of very neatly piled music notes.

You were drooling, it reads.

You scoff, quickly wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. But you can't help but feel even warmer inside. Yoongi had cleaned up the kitchen while you were asleep. Considerate of him to do so.

You're rubbing your eyes to wake yourself up from your drowsiness when you notice the clock on the wall reads an astonishing 4:00 a.m. It's still quite early. The thought of going back to bed (on an actual bed) is tempting.

...But Yoongi's a light sleeper. You're not sure if you want to wake him. You're not sure if you're ready to wake him. So back into your small music studio room you go.

Time tends to pass by fairly quickly in that room. For a brief minute, you contemplate on keeping the door wide open so that you can say goodbye to Yoongi before he goes off to work. You hate the fact that you keep missing each other, that your paths rarely ever cross anymore. You hate that you feel like you're in a long-distance relationship when you're supposedly sharing a living space together. And you absolutely hate the fact that both of you have been out of sync for a while. Your contemplation comes to an end when you realize you can't leave your studio room door open. The music would wake him up.

And so it goes on. You and Yoongi continue to live out of sync.

It's strange to think that things had come to this point, especially back when you two were first dating—in the middle of college—Yoongi had been such a romantic. Of course, you weren't exactly a fan of cheesy romance lines or corny anniversary gifts. But he'd converted you somehow and sometime in between your journey together. It was to the point that he had you writing love serenades for him, and he'd program cute little hearts to pop up on your computer screen for special anniversaries.

It was a good thing that the two of you weren't great talkers either. Because both of you dwelled well in silence. You used to sit with him, your head on his lap and soft music playing in the background. Sometimes you'd be making out, but when that got too boring, the two of you would settle down on the couch again and take a nap together. Little dialogue but a lot of tangible love. That's what your relationship with him was like. And both of you loved it.

It wasn't until after your graduation that the problems began to arise. It wasn't really until after you moved in with him. Now, bills had to be paid, futures to be thought of... Yoongi was lucky enough for his summer internship to blossom into a full-blown career. You, however, needed time to find a job. There was a recent recession to take account of, rising unemployment rates to battle. It was too much, and you didn't know what to do.

But Yoongi was always a supportive boyfriend. When you told him that you'd much rather pursue a music career than work in an office, he cheered you on. He'd always secretly but not-so-secretly admired that you found your strong passion in life. When you began posting music on SoundCloud, he was just as ecstatic as you were. Months passed. A year or two rolled by. But not much progress. Yoongi finally suggested that you uploaded your music on YouTube, or possibly even go busking so more people would know you and your face. You had to deny him; you're too insecure for that. It's better for you to stick to one platform, anyways. Just you, your voice and your music on SoundCloud—nothing else to judge you by, not your looks, clothes, posture, anything.

The college debt begins to stack up. So do the bills. Even the prospect of getting married hovers over both of your heads.

You should've known after a while, Yoongi would rescind his support. That, of course, had led to a huge fight that was three? four? weeks ago. The one that neither of you had ever recovered from.

Yoongi barges into your music studio. "You should quit."

You whirl around in your chair, eyes wide with confusion. "Hm?"

"I'm serious, Y/N. You should find a real job. A stable one. Like mine."

Your brows knit together as you shake your head slowly. "But Yoongi... you know I can't stand working a nine to five job."

"Well your 200 SoundCloud plays aren't exactly going to get you anywhere," he retorts.

It's a personal stab to your heart. "T-That's... That's not very nice."

Yoongi sighs, his fingers gripping into fists as he stares you dead-straight in the eyes. "I know it wasn't," he says. "I'm just trying to get you to wake up."

"Wake up?" you say, eyebrows raising. "I can't do that now, not when I'm so close. I've already invested so much time into music. You can't just ask me to quit now. I mean... Yoongi, you were always so supportive of me."

"Y/N, there's... there's only so much support I can give you," he says. His eyes drop down, avoiding your line of sight. "If I gave you more support now, I'll just be feeding into your delusion."

It's silent.

And then: "...D-Delusion???"

Yoongi bites his lip. That had come out wrong. But it's also too late to fix at this point. "You can't become an artist, Y/N," he says with much more confidence. "Your time has passed. I'm sure you can understand that much."

"Don't you dare patronize me."

"I'm not!"

"You called me delusional," you say, fighting the urge to let the tears spill out of your eyes. "You tell me."

"God!" Yoongi throws up his arms in the air. "I knew this wouldn't be an easy conversation, but goddamn, Y/N, you need to be more realistic."

"What the hell do you mean, realistic? You told me my music's great!"

Yoongi scoffs. "You don't get it, do you? It doesn't matter if I think it's great. It matters what others think. And you know what? They clearly don't give a fuck."

You can't deny that he's hurting your feelings. Yoongi's never one to spew mean words without meaning it. He never has. So you can only deduce that right now, at this moment, he actually means what he says. All you can do now is defend yourself.

"More people care about my music than you think," you say, eyes narrowing. "You don't understand how much love I receive from listeners all over the world."

"So what?" Yoongi scorns. "That love isn't going to pay the bills. Charge them for listening."

"W-What?? I... I couldn't do that. I make music for fun... and they listen... for fun. I couldn't charge them for having fun. Not when I've been doing it free for so long."

"God, Y/N," Yoongi cries, hitting his head with his palm. "But we need the money. So what's it gonna be?"

"But do we really need it?" you argue. "I mean, can't we just save more?"

"What about our future? What about the fucking wedding?!"

"I don't want one."

"But I do."

"Fine!" you yell, your throat tearing at the intensity and loudness of your own voice. "Then we can make a compromise. A small wedding. And I'll even start working part-time. You happy??"

"No."

"What??"

"You don't understand, Y/N. This isn't just about money."

You look at him like he's the most ridiculous man you've had the misfortune of discoursing with. "But that's what you made it about the past few minutes!"

"You can't be wasting your time, chasing after shit that's never gonna happen. You have to stop music. It isn't good for you."

That's enough.

You jump up from your seat, making Yoongi step back in surprise. "Music makes me happy!" you seethe.

"It's starting to blind you!" he shouts back.

"You're just jealous because you don't even have a passion!"

"I don't need one because I'd rather stay sane!"

"Are you calling me insane????"

"Fuck! Then maybe I am! Have you ever heard of a musician who is mentally sane and stable??"

"That's fucking bullshit. I'm still not going to quit!"

"Then maybe I can't be with you anymore!"

Both of you are heaving for breath, looking at each other dead in the eye. He's crying, translucent tears running down his face and threatening to drip from his chin. Your whole face feels like it's on fire, but you're more angry than sad. Or maybe the tears you see on his face are tears of irritation. You'll never know. And you don't even want to find out.

"Fine then. Do you want me to leave?" you ask, breaking the silence. Your heart thumps in your head as you await his answer.

But Yoongi backs away, wordless. He shakes his head but he can't even look you in the face. Then, he slams your door shut and runs out. Like a coward.

You don't leave the studio for days. But you can't sit around moping over your broken relationship with Yoongi. So you do the only thing you know how to do well. You make music. It's easy to profit off of your emotions, especially when they're so negative. In three day's time, you've written, produced and sung three different songs, crying while recording them. Your voice quivers in the tracks, but you think it makes the songs sound even more heartbreaking. It's an artistic choice to keep them in.

On the fourth day, you finally come out of your studio, hungry, devastated and exhausted. But across from you is a bright green sticky note. You walk closer to it, squinting to read the familiar chicken scratch handwriting.

I'm sorry.

The pain that had encapsulated your heart and made you cry for nearly four, dark days melts away as soon as you comprehend those words. Is it love? Or foolishness? You don't know, but the next thing you do know is that you're scribbling, 'I'm sorry,' back on another sticky note.

And that's how everything had started.

Both of you are too afraid to confront each other, to face each other and say those words you'd written on paper. Slowly and gradually, the last of your anger and frustration wash away. But you're still afraid to meet Yoongi in person. You suppose it's better like this. Separated. Yet still in love.

The sounds of birds chirping from out the window wake you up. There's a sudden blossom of hopefulness in your chest as you roll over. Only to see that Yoongi's side of the bed is completely barren.

It's the weekend, but you and Yoongi have still found ways to avoid each other.

Today, as usual, you don't have time to mourn over it. You have an agenda. Quickly, you pack a large backpack, getting dressed and tidied up before walking out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

Sure enough, there's a sticky note there.

Went to get groceries. Be back soon.

You have no idea when Yoongi wrote this note, so consequently, you also have no idea when 'soon' is. Either way, you search the whole kitchen for your stale, marshmallow cereal only to come up with a whole wheat cereal replacing it in the cupboards. There's another note on the box:

Here's a healthier alternative.

You scoff, wondering when Yoongi had had the time to replace that. But you still end up consuming the new brand, and surprisingly, it tastes great (especially considering the fact that it's whole wheat and claims to have little to no sugar in it). You scarf down your bowl in less than two minutes, washing the leftover dishes before gathering your backpack and bass guitar, ready to walk out the front door.

But the door swings open in front of your face, and you step back, mouth gaping open as Yoongi steps in, holding bags of groceries. He looks just as good as ever. Black hair cascading over his eyebrows, smooth, milky skin and sharp, cat-like eyes. It's silent as the two of you stare at each other in shock. It's been so long since you've seen each other in person. His presence feels strange... but relieving at the same time.

You break the awkward silence. "I'll um... I'll help you with that."

Setting down your own possessions, you aid Yoongi put away the groceries. Neither of you exchanges any conversation in between. When you're done, you give Yoongi one last look before turning away, picking up your bass and swinging your backpack over your shoulder.

"Wait."

You freeze. Then, you turn. "Yes?"

Yoongi's frowning, but he cautiously steps closer to you, eyeing your packed bag and bass. "Y/N... I'm... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about what I said before. Please... Please just don't leave me." He takes your wrist, holding it tightly and pleading you silently with his eyes.

But you take one look at his sincere face and—"Yoongi!" You burst out laughing, much to his shock. "I'm not leaving if that's what you're thinking," you giggle. "I mean, I'm leaving, but I'm not leaving you! I um, well, today's my first day as a music teacher! I really thought about what you said... so uh, I decided to be more proactive, and here I am."

"Oh!" Yoongi smiles, looking a little embarrassed. "Oh... Well, uh, that's good to hear."

You missed his beautiful smile. "I'm sorry too, you know. For trying to brush you away when you were right."

"It's nothing," he replies. "You'll be a great teacher," he adds, his grip on your wrist loosening before he's pocketing his hands in his sweater.

"Thanks," you beam. "I hope so."

The two of you exchange goodbye glances, and Yoongi watches from the front door as you get in the car and drive away. He stares at you go, happiness washing over him. The two of you will be fine. Just fine. Things are looking up.

Yoongi trudges back into the bedroom to tidy up, but he finds a bright green sticky note on his pillow. His eyebrows raise, wondering what it could be. There's a part of him that is scared of its contents; the other part of him is curious. So he looks.

And his heart melts.

You've drawn the ugliest heart he's ever seen, unstable lines and hideous shape in general—he admits that you've never been quite a talented artist. But it's what's inside the heart that counts, the neatly scrawled:

I love you, Yoongi.

He lets out a small laugh. I love you. It's a phrase that you've always had trouble saying. But he doesn't mind. From your written words to your gestures and even the slightest ways you glance at him, he knows that you mean it; and that alone is enough for him.

Now, you and Yoongi can love comfortably in silence.

masterlist

#ficswithluv #thebtswritersclub #btswritingcafe #bangtanfairygarden #bangtanidx #yoongi #yoongi angst #yoongi fluff #min yoongi #yoongi imagine #yoongi fanfic #yoongi fanfiction #bts #bts fanfiction #sticky notes #bye domestic yoongi is literally the best yoongi fjlskdjfl

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oddsnendsfanfics · 4 years ago

Text

Unraveling in the Sheets

Genre: Fan Fiction

Pairing: Henry Cavill/OFC

Warnings: Language, Sexual Content, NSFW

Rating: M

Length: Short Story

Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

A/N: Spoiler Alert, there is smut. Be warned. It's there.

Also, I am no longer doing tags on posts. Since my list exceeds the tag limit. Please feel free to join the chat in place of the tag list.

Henry Cavill Master List

“How did you do it though?” Gliding the car into a free parking space, Henry glanced at Nell in the passenger's seat.

“How did I do what?” Eyeing him curiously, she tried to hide her gloating smile. She could be a terrible winner, even if she wasn't the winner, she had came ahead of Henry.

“You know what I mean, Nelly.”

He looked so silly, his new mustache curling when he laughed or smiled. Nell had to admit, if any man could wear the 'stache Henry did it well.

“Oh, you mean how did I suddenly leave your ass behind and finish nearly 50 positions ahead?” She laughed, crinkling her nose. “I told you, I've been working hard for this. Besides, you're too big. You move slower than I do. It's that simple. Maybe next year, you will finish ahead of me.”

“You're impossible.” Unbuckling his seat belt, Henry hurried to get out of the car and around to the other side, before Nell could open her own door. Nearly there, he frowned when she opened the door, stepping out of the Aston Martin. “You were supposed to let me open that.”

“I am supposed to do a lot of things that I do not.” Nell grabbed her hand bag. “I'll let you open the door, next time. You big dork.”

Henry was always the gentleman, even when Nell would rather rip his eyes out than speak to him in a civil manner. Not that she ever felt the former much, but on the rare occasion. Sometimes that's how things went for ex-lovers. The mid May air was growing cool, leaving a few goosebumps on Nell's exposed arms. She had expected to be back before now, which is why she'd left her sweater in the hotel.

“Well, happy late birthday. It was nice having dinner with your family. I've missed them.”

“They've missed you, too. I could tell that dad was happy you came along. He hasn't talked that much during a dinner since the last time you came over.” Henry smiled fondly. "I'm glad that you came, Nelly." Hands in his pockets, Henry sauntered along beside Nell. Approaching the main entrance, he held the door allowing her to enter.

When he'd invited her for the weekend, he wasn't confident that she would come. Wrapped up in work, Nell didn't take too much time away from Dublin these days.

"It was a nice break from work." Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, Nell bit her bottom lip. "I know that you are busy, but do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"I always have time to talk with you." Scanning the hotel lobby, Henry tried to find a spot for them to sit and chat privately. "Should we have a seat at the bar?"

"We could, but I would really like to change. Do you mind coming up with me? We can just talk in the room. It's probably more comfortable anyway."

"Is this about the wild boy?"

"Isn't it always?"

Laughing, Henry pushed the call button for the elevator. Their son was truly something else. One day he would surely take over the world; Henry could see that coming from the day he was born. To say Ivan was Henry's pride and joy would be a massive understatement. He lived for their son. This weekend having Ivan, and Nell, in Jersey had been fantastic. A short glimpse of what life could have been. The ding of the elevator brought Henry back from his brief fantasy.

He and Nell had split up several years ago, there wasn't much chance she would feel the same as he did. Lost in the thoughts of happy little family. Allowing Nell to step onto the elevator first, Henry stood silently with his hands clasped in front of him.

“So, Ivan has been doing well in school?” He may as well get this under way.

“Define doing well,” Nell snickered. “I get a call nearly every day from his teacher. The woman is impossible, but knowing our son, he isn't making it easy for her.”

“I was like that in school. Right up until the day I left.” Henry shrugged. The elevator gently bumping to a stop, he stepped forward to hold the door for Nell.

Muttering a thank you, Nell dug for her key card, leading the way down the hall. She loved this hotel, it was the only one she stayed in, if she could help it, while visiting the Island. A great view of the water on one side, the other dazzling with a fantastic look out into the city. The first time she'd ever been to Jersey, she had stayed in the hotel and fell in love with the charm. There were days when that felt like a life time ago.

Opening the door, Nell paused to allow Henry in. “Have a seat. Anywhere you'd like. Sorry it's kind of a mess. I'm going to change.”

The hotel room was anything but a mess, minus the few sketch books that Nell had dropped on the bed. Always working. Henry took a seat on the edge of the king sized bed, casually glancing at the colour coded notes and designs that Nell had in one of the open sketch books. Costumes. A few notes detailed leather armor and Viking era clothing. She'd done well for herself, since he'd met her. The same shy costume apprentice hiding out on set of The Tudors, was now helping drive forward the details of Vikings.

In the bathroom, Nell pulled off her dress. The fabric had became clingy after a while and she needed to be more relaxed. Running shorts and a tshirt would do the trick. Sighing at her reflection, she bit her bottom lip glancing down at her top. The worn coral Nike tshirt was her favourite, it was showing the love and wear in a few spots. Perhaps she should have picked something less frumpy? She was a busy, single mom she didn't have to look the part. Ah fuck, who cared. Henry certainly wouldn't.

He was here to discuss their son, not flirt with her until she gave in to that smile. Or got lost in his eyes, those gorgeous blue eyes – the left with the flecks of brown. His charm alone was enough to make anyone weak in the knees. Damn it, she needed to get over it. He had moved on. She needed to do the same.

Blowing out a breath, Nell reached for the door, pausing when she heard Henry talking. His tone told her that he was speaking to Ivan. Quietly slipping out of the bathroom, she smiled.

“Hold on, just a sec.” He pushed the screen of his phone, allowing the speaker to connect. “Alright, wild boy. Say goodnight to your mum.”

“Mum, momma, mum.” Ivan's voice filled the room. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Ivan. Are you being a good boy?”

“Uh huh. I love you. Good night.”

“Good night, wild boy. I love you.”

“Night dad.”

“Good night, I love you. I'm going to be back soon, you go to bed and I will see you first thing in the morning.”

“Okay. Oh, dad, can Kal sleep in my room tonight?” Ivan was fond of the large black and white American Akita. Henry laughed.

“Of course he can. You and Kal go to bed, now.”

“Okay, bye.” A little too quickly, Ivan hung up the phone. Henry laughed at the eagerness, he would talk to his mother when he got back to the house. Making sure that Ivan and his dog had gone to bed as they were told, with no fuss.

"Can you believe he is growing this fast? My god where has that time gone?" Henry rubbed his hands against his face. His mustache and subtle stubble scratching his palms.

"Time is a cruel mistress." Rubbing her hands on her shorts, Nell stood. "Drink? I have a bottle of Johnnie Walker."

"Of course you do." Smirking, Henry shifted on the side of the bed. “I had a look at some of these designs, by the way. They're magnificent. My god, Nell, you are so talented.”

“You're saying that to be nice,”

Shaking his head, Henry accepted the glass, resting it on his knee. “No, I am saying it because its true. You are one of the most talented costumers that I had ever met. Are you enjoying the job?”

“I love it.” Nell smiled, leaning against the large wooden desk in the corner. “The work is great, the people are amazing, and Ivan is really enjoying it. I'm glad we went.”

“Good, that's good. He talks about it, a lot. He really seems to love being there. I'm glad. Once things settle, I am going to try and come visit. I kind of miss it, Dublin.”

“You should.” She smiled fighting the urge to scoff and roll her eyes. Henry was always busy. He'd make it to Dublin, when Hell froze over. “So, how is work coming on this new character.”

“I can't say much, but I can say that I will be happy when I can shave.” He rubbed the mustache expertly. “It's not as bad as some of the beards that I've had to grow, but it's not my favourite look.”

“You look good with a beard. I know you hate them, but you do.”

Leaning forward to set his glass on the bedside table, Henry licked the whiskey off of his lips. “I'm glad to have that compliment.”

“Sure.” Nell nodded, tipping her glass to finish the drink. “Another?”

“Uh, I'm good.” Henry motioned to his glass. Rubbing his hands across his jeans, he furrowed his brow. “I've been thinking, since I am fairly busy the next few months, what if I keep Ivan for a few extra days? Once you leave, I will take him back to London with me, until I have to go.”

Shifting on the bed, her face warm from the second glass of whiskey, Nell sniffled and cleared her throat. “What about school?”

“What about it? He isn't going to miss much, is he? They're nearly finished up and I don't know how long it will be, until I see him. Possibly not until Christmas.”

All he wanted was to spend a little time with his son, was that so hard? His next move would have to be calculated, Nell had been known to stat arguments over less. If Henry wanted to avoid a shouting match, he would have to go about this carefully. Reaching for his glass, he downed the remaining contents in one large gulp. Sighing.

“I want to hang out with him a little. It wouldn't be more than three days extra. Then you get some time alone, as well. Nell, I know that you need a bit of a break. You work so hard and take care of Ivan, please.”

“If you want to, then I suppose I can't really say no. What kind of mother would I be, if I didn't let you see him?”

“Don't say things like that, please.” Henry reached out, his hand taking hers. Gently stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. “You are a wonderful mum. You know that.”

“Sometimes, I feel like I could do better. I really do.” Nell shrugged, allowing Henry to continue holding her hand.

“All parents feel that way, I am sure. I know that I feel like that, all the time. I guess it's natural, always wanting to do better, to be better, for our children.”

There he went again. There were times when Nell could not stand to be near him, other times she wanted to be as close as possible. Damn it. Watching him talk about Ivan and the few extras days they would be together, Henry's eyes lit up. His smile broad and the enthusiasm in his voice was one that dictated proud father. Nell nodded, only because she felt it was appropriate to the conversation.

Henry continued to chatter about how he wanted to take Ivan to a new exhibit at the Natural History Museum, in London. Leave it to the father and son, finding a day at the museum to be high on the list of fun. Nell sighed, continuing to half listen, half gaze at Henry in awe. One thing she loved – well love could be a strong word – adored? Enjoyed? About Henry was how much he loved Ivan.

Mid sentence about some Sir David Attenborough documentary that he'd watched with Ivan; Nell couldn't help it any longer. Leaning in, without warning, she grabbed Henry's face turning it to her and kissing him. Lips connecting, she stopped and jumped back as if hit by an electric shock.

Clearing his throat, Henry rubbed the back of his neck, but not pulling back. “I didn't know that the National Geographic was that exciting.”

“I'm sorry.” Hiding her face in her hands, Nell shook her head. Oh that had been a mistake. She had absolutely no right. None. Henry was crazy, if he didn't get up right now and walk out. If he was angry, then she deserved that.

Blushing, Nell shook her head. “Henry, I shouldn't have.”

“I'm certainly not going to complain.” He shrugged, leaning in his arm sliding around her shoulder. Nell glanced up, getting the nerves to look at him. Oh she had fucked up. “Next time, I would like some warning though.”

“Warning? Next time?”

“Hmm, yes. Kind of like this, close your eyes.” Henry instructed pulling her closer and kissing her. Nell sighed her body melting against him. She loved the way his lips felt on hers. Soft, with a slight force.

Straddling his waist, her arms wrapped around his neck, Nell's fingers laced together. Her lips leaving his, tracing along his jaw, nearing the sweet spot below his ear. A slight nip and he was an unraveling mess. Henry nuzzled his face into her hair, she smelled amazing. Comforting and warm. A groan erupted from deep in his throat, as predicted she had gone straight for that spot.

“Nell, Nell,” Henry cleared his throat, holding her at arm's length, “Janelle, stop.” Looking for any sort of sign that she truly felt that this wasn't a good idea, he sucked in a breath. “Are you sure about this? Because if we continue, I won't stop until...”

“I am.” She nodded firmly, “I don't want you to stop. I don't want to stop. Oh god, Henry. Please.”

“I need to know that you truly, absolutely want to do this.”

“If you don't stop talking and bend me over, I am going to kick you out and do this myself. Please, stop talking. If I didn't want this, I wouldn't have started it.”

A deep rumbling laugh followed, Henry rolled his eyes. God, she was something else. Who was he to deny a gorgeous woman what she wanted? Would this come back to haunt him? Probably. Did he care? Not much. Come morning they would once again go their separate ways, but that didn't matter right now. Right now, he could pretend that he had everything he wanted. And what he wanted was her.

Pulling her to him, Henry kissed her hard. Nell moaned, the force of the kiss was nearly dizzying. Arms around his neck, she rubbed her body against his, trying to grasp the friction that was created when she started to grind herself against his thighs.

“Henry,”

“Hold on, you need patience.” He brushed a bit of hair out of her face, “all in good time.”

Nell squealed when he stood, her legs desperately scrambling to hold onto him. In a futile attempt she huffed, when he let her go, standing in front of him pouting. Unbuttoning his shirt, Henry smirked giving her a heated stare. “Well, are you going to get on the bed or make me do all the work? Shorts off.”

Sliding the mesh shorts down her ass and along her legs, Nell made a bit of a show letting them pool at her feet. Stepping out, as slowly as possible, while lifting the old tshirt from her body. Allowing it to go where it would, as she dropped it. Sitting back on the bed, she could feel her heart in her throat and her stomach where her heart should be.

“Lie back.” Henry instructed, kneeling at the edge of the bed. Arms around her thighs, guiding her to him, he studied her for a moment. She was trembling as his fingers slid across her thighs, positioning her in just the right way.

“Oh god, Hen-Henry.” Nell's mouth was suddenly dry and her voice hoarse. His hot breath between her legs was tormenting her, in unimaginable ways. In anticipation she bucked her hips forward, trying to clench her thighs. Holding her knees with his shoulders, Henry chuckled.

“Eager.”

“Please.”

“You are...” He lingered, kissing the inside of her leg. “Gorgeous. Look at you.” He brushed his thumb against her. Nell whimpered trying to push further. “Hold on, hold on.”

“Why are you teasing me?”

“Because I want to enjoy the view, for a moment.” He shrugged, her legs lifting gently. A hand on her lower abdomen, as if holding her in place, he used the other to gently tease and trace along her calf. Without warning, his lips attached to the most sensitive part of her body with his mustache adding an extra sensation, Nell bucked her hips hard, shoving his face further between her thighs.

Nell's head was swimming, it had been a while since she'd felt this good from such an act. Sure, she'd had the odd date here and there, semi-serious relationships, but nobody could do this the way Henry could. He was a fucking magician, she was certain of it. Humming against her mound, Henry couldn't hide the laughter in his eyes, when she began to squirm and wiggle against his face. She was desperate and he was going to prolong this as much as he could.

Sucking her clit, his tongue generously lapping at her, he thoroughly enjoyed the show. Pushing his head as far down as she could, Nell was nearly in tears each time he leaned in, his mustache tickling in just the right way. Oh god, she gasped trying hard to find release. Henry was cunning, backing off at the right moments.

“Henry,” She whined, threading her fingers through his hair. “Don't tease me, I really need you to finish.”

“Stop being so impatient.” He was teasingly stern. Pushing her hands away, he locked his fingers with hers, holding them at her side. Lifting his head, he smirked, kissing up her body ending with another dizzying kiss. Nell sucked on his tongue, freeing her hands from his, she tugged him closer, pulling at fistfuls of hair.

Cleaning herself from his tongue and lips, she sighed. “I'm going to need more than that.”

“You're sure?” Henry paused, holding his weight on his forearms, resting above her. His jeans still on, he could feel the strain against the denim.

“Jeans, off.” She demanded, sitting up to watch. Shivering against the slight chill, her breasts on display giving him the perfect view of her erect nipples. Nell blushed under his gaze. She was not the tight, toned, and perky body she once was. She wasn't out of shape, by any means, but compared to Henry...

“You are gorgeous.” Henry complimented, his jeans on the floor, boxers being pushed down to join them. Stepping out of his pants, he stood at the side of the bed, in all his glory.

Nell licked her lips, reaching out to take him in her hand. Hissing under her touch, Henry involuntarily bucked his hips forward into her hand. Rubbing the head, Nell intently watched Henry while she leaned in taking him fully in her mouth.

“Fuck, Nelly.”

“Hmm,” She hummed, sliding her head back along his length. Hand wrapped around him, stroking in place of her mouth. Bobbing her head back down, she swirled her tongue around the base. He nearly choked her the first time she'd ever gone down on him. Oh how long ago that felt.

Dragging her tongue against his length, she felt her core tighten, with each moan Henry gave. His slight salty taste mixed with the aftertaste of the Johnnie Walker, Nell inhaled deeply through her nose, hollowing her cheeks around him. Gripping the back of her head, Henry tried to not force her too hard, as he began to guide her movement.

Happy to go along with what he needed to feel good, Nell allowed him control over her guidance. Her finger nails grazing the back of his thighs, she mentally checked the small victory when he threw his hips forward at the sensation of her wrapped around him and her nails on his skin.

“Good girl,” Henry mumbled, his head lulling back, his chest rising rapidly. “Keep it up, just like that. Oh shit,”

Nell's chest swelled a little, she could still make him feel good, even after all of this time apart. That was not something she would take lightly, even if this shouldn't be happening. Oh fuck, who cared? They were two consenting adults. Henry's legs quivered, his hands unsteady stroking the back of her head.

“Nell,”

“Hmm?” She glanced up at him. His face soft and his jaw slack, she could feel him tightening. The perfect time to stop her actions. “Not yet,” She smirked, wiping her hand across her chin, drool gone. “Fair is fair.”

“Jesus,” Henry grumbled. He had been so fucking close, the knot in the pit of his stomach clenched Slowing his breathing, he took a moment to think of anything else. Laundry? Running? How much longer until he had to renew his passport?

“Henry?”

“Yeah?” He snapped his head to look at Nell.

“Are we going to stand here all night, or...” She shrugged, a devious smirk on her face. Laying back on the bed, she curled her finger beckoning him to her.

“You're still sure about this?” Henry asked. His eyes on her, waiting to see if she had any hint of doubt or hesitation.

“I don't have a condom, but I'm clean. It's not like I'm getting pregnant, so....” If she were to get pregnant, there was going to be on hell of a hefty lawsuit against that surgeon.

“You're sure? I know that I'm...but I don't have.”

“if you don't want to, then I understand.”

“I do, though, but...”

Nell shook her head. “No buts. If you want me, then I'm yours.”

“Fuck, you're making this hard.”

Giggling, Nell glance down. “I think we're beyond things being hard.”

His body betraying him, Henry cleared his throat, she certainly had a point. Fuck it. What did they have to lose? Unless this, some how, came back to bite them. No, no he had to stop that. Give in, enjoy what was happening. It had been too long since he'd been able to watch her in such bliss. Bliss that he was responsible for.

“You're sure?”

Nell nodded siting up, opening her arms, “Come here.”

On the edge of the bed, Henry sighed, his large frame leaning into her. Nell held him for a moment, stroking his hair, the feel of his warmth against her sent shivers through her spine. Pushing him back on the bed, she bit her bottom lip, waiting for the go ahead. Henry gave her a slight nod, adjusting himself on the bed to get comfortable. Straddling his hips, Nell lifted herself to slowly take him.

Sheathing him inch by inch, Nell groaned at the fullness. This was her favourite part, taking him to the end, feeling him stretch her. Rocking her hips forward, she countered the motion sliding them back in the same tantalizing pace. Henry held her hips, pushing his up to meet her. Nell squeaked and giggled. She loved the way he hit all the right spots.

“You can touch me, don't be shy.” Nell winked, lifting her arms and crossing them above her head, allowing him a full view of her breasts. “Go on.” She encouraged.

His large hands cupping her breasts, Henry softly rolled her hardening nipples between his fingers, giving on a slight flick when she moved herself up on his length. Close to letting him slide out, she moved back down, her ass grinding against him.

The way her body moved against his was mesmerizing. Massaging her supple skin, from her breasts down her sides, one hand settling on her ass and the other on her hip. Henry loved the shape, even if she had changed a little since having Ivan. God she was stunning.

Hastening her pace, Nell rocked back and forth, up and down. Henry closed his eyes feeling every bit of movement, each clench. Taking in the sounds of her breathing, mixed with his, her small moans not going unnoticed.

“Henry,” She whispered, biting her bottom lip, leaning forward to touch her lips against his. “Please,”

Without having to be asked twice, he moved swiftly, turning them over to pin her beneath him. Nell sighed and stretched her arms over her head, the pull of her muscles caused another shiver. Her head now against the pillow, she reached, tracing the lines of his face with her fingertip.

“I don't know that I can be as slow as you were.” Henry nipped her finger. Holding back on his desire to pound her into the bed.

“Then don't.” Nell batted her eye lashes at him.

Somehow that was all he needed, that tiny bit of permission. Picking up the pace, Henry grunted. Nell moaned drawing her knees upward, allowing him an even better vantage to this position. As if the pent up emotions from the last few years, hours, minutes had been released the couple were lost in the sensation of skin on skin. The feeling of sparks and electricity coursing through them. Connecting them.

“Fuck, Janelle.” Henry hissed, his arm locked into position on either side of her head, keeping him from tumbling on top of her.

“Henry,” She squealed splaying her hands against his chest, tugging at the soft hairs. “Oh god. Please, don't stop. My god, oh fuck.”

“You are fucking amazing. Fuck, look at you.” Kissing her roughly, he sighed, steadying his pace. His hips slapping hers, Nell shook slightly her soft sobs of pleasure were enough to send him to an end.

Shaking with pleasure, Nell gasped trying to bring herself down from the high. Henry moaned, his head back and chest heaving. It had been a while since he had felt that good. Nell laid with her legs hooked around his thighs, no desire to move. Collapsing with his head on her chest, Henry allowed his body to rest. Sweaty and sticky, they laid tangled together. Neither one wanting to break the feeling.

Dosing in and out, Nell was the first to move. Her body growing heavy with Henry still on top of her. She needed to move, before seizing up. Pushing his head to the side, she giggled and kissed the tip of her nose when he lazily looked up.

“I need to pee,”

“Hmph.” Henry nodded, slowly rolling over. Allowing her to escape. Laying flat on the bed, while she scurried off to the bathroom, Henry pushed himself up off of the bed. He should be getting back to his parents, back to Ivan.

All thoughts of moving were squashed, when Nell came back, climbing in beside him. Her clothes still on the floor. Her body was comforting against his. “Hi,” she whispered, sliding in under his arm.

“Nell?” Henry laid with his arm around her shoulder.

“Huh?” Nell grunted, her face buried in his chest.

“I should head back.”

“If you want to. You can stay, I don't mind.” Nell yawned. Her eyes closing.

“Okay, but only for a little while.” Henry agreed, closing his eyes. In a few minutes, he would get up, shower, and head back.

With a start, Henry woke, a loud banging noise rattling him. Looking around the dark room, he squinted to find the source of the noise. Hearing someone whispering at a distance, Henry laid in bed, listening. Against him, Nell stirred, but didn't wake. Someone in the hall was talking, no doubt they had been the source of the banging. He had fell asleep, Nell wrapped against him.

Looking at his watch, Henry frowned. 4am. If he left right now, he could be back before anybody woke. If he left now, he risked Kal barking and waking the house. If he waited, he would risk walking in and having to explain himself to one or more person. Of course he could tell them that he'd ran into some old friends, had some drinks and stayed on a sofa somewhere. Too drunk to drive.

Shifting in bed, Nell sighed, her arm around his waist she snuggled in closer. She was content, who was Henry to try and disturb her sleep? He would wait an hour or two, before he made his departure. So what if he waltzed in, being faced by one of his brothers, or even his mother. He was an adult, if he wanted to stay out all night enjoying the company of a fantastic woman, then he would do just that.

Kissing the top of Nell's head, Henry smiled, sinking down further into the covers, closing his eyes.

Tag List Chat

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill smut #oddsnendshenryfics

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tenaflyviper · 3 years ago

Text

I might as well tell the whole story, for those who care, and just to get it off my chest. I'll tag it with "long post" so people can avoid it.

So...I unfollowed and quietly drifted from these guys around 5-6 years ago (by "these guys", I mean the ones that later started acting toxic. There are good folks mixed in with them, and yes--within them. I sometimes wonder if maybe covid hadn't happened, perhaps things would have been different. It fucked with all of our lives--made many folks anxious, pent up, frustrated, and depressed. Social media is also the worst place for anything political, especially when there's an unfair imbalance/bias that shouldn't be ignored. Morty got flagged on Facebook for a covid meme). I did the mass unfollowing because I didn't want to see discourse on my dash for my own well-being. At the time, I had nothing against them. Others had left before me (I won't name names, but there was one guy that got pretty popular and pulled away from the pack). I watched how they were treated, never thinking it would happen to me. "He must have done or said something wrong", I thought.

Before that, I spent years getting threats and insults for sticking up for these guys--and constantly being asked to look at posts and get involved in their arguments--all while they otherwise rarely acknowledged my existence. Still, I truly believed we were in the right. I even got caught up in what was basically bullying the hell out of a teenage girl for not wanting to see creepy shit in the fandom of a show made with little girls in mind (yes, many of them are bronies, and the exact kind that made people hate bronies. There are nice people that just enjoy the show and reblog wholesome art).

Before I left KF for good (having originally been invited by someone from the TF2 community that I'd known from before I'd ever heard of tumblr--she has since left KF behind as well), I looked at the thread about Takashi and those closest to him, and saw that things had gotten worse. They had even become the subject of memes (Kung Pow Penis anyone?). Without thinking, I expressed that I was glad I moved away from them. Obviously, they were still watching the thread. I can't blame them, but they seem too preoccupied with their image online, despite that it means jack in real life. When the thread first began, I went in with the sole purpose of defending Takashi, which I did for many pages (without success). I tried countless times thereafter to urge him and others to move away from discourse: It's a waste of time, especially when people are so divided.

At some point during lockdown, I agreed with some things I saw on Twitter (Twitter can be even worse than tumblr. I try to avoid looking at what's "trending", but 99% of HorrorFam, and every horror actor, director, and musician I follow--Jeffrey Combs, Dee Snider, etc.--are very left, so it's hard to never see anything political, and these were my childhood heroes who helped shape my values growing up. I was raised listening to skinhead-hating punks and anti-censorship metalheads, and hating conservatives that kept trying to ban and censor my favorite horror movies and games). It didn't take long for others to start throwing around terms like "sjw", and saying things like "how the mighty have fallen". It was all too familiar--the exact same things they used to say about/to the guy that left before I did.

I never wanted to be "mighty" to anyone. I'm being very honest when I say I'm naïve, and I'm not proud of it. I don't know much about how politics even work--I just want to be a decent person. I'm someone who'll bend over backwards for others at my own expense, and is always eager to make friends--a combination that's made me susceptible to being used ever since I was a kid. I had some "friends" in grade school that hung around me because I'd share things like candy. They later tried stealing my bike out from under me (guess they really dug my cheap, turquoise baby bike with a cartoon puppy on it).

I just want to move on, and try to be a better person. I say "try" because I still fumble at it. I overreact to things. I keep slipping into an "all or nothing" mentality, which I've since found is part of having ADHD. I'm crap at wording things, and have trouble being concise. I'm not perfect, and shouldn't have been expected to be. I just like making movie lists for people (I'm starting to use my Letterboxd account), talking about horror, sharing weird things I've learned, and posting dumb fat unicorns. It doesn't matter to me if they don't get a lot of notes--the fun is sharing them with others. Making even just one person smile is a worthwhile achievement.

I could have stayed in that crowd, and kept going along with everything they said and did. I'd have an entire group willing to reblog my long, rambling text posts. But, it just didn't feel right. I didn't want that, especially when it was hurting others for no good reason. I felt bad for everything I said and did, and I still do.

Sorry again for the TL:DR, but I can't use cuts on mobile. I am speaking from the heart, no matter what anyone tries to accuse me of. Like Morty told me, I know myself better, as do those around me that love and care about me. I'm blessed to have a job that I love that also benefits my community, with people that are more like family than coworkers.

I deeply appreciate every person that's stuck with me through even my worst, and who actually talk to me about either of our interests. I'm also thankful for those who patiently explain their criticism for my dumb monkey brain, even when I don't always listen. I have a tendency to be stubborn, but I would not have changed at all if I never took anyone's words to heart. I guess that's all I have to say.

#long post #I'll try to shorten this later if I can

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lovee-infected · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! Can i request some headcanons for Yandere Rook, Epel, and the twins where their darling tries to genuinely understand their unhealthy tendencies and tries to co-operate with them to calm them down, would it work? Will that keep their obsessiveness in check? Thanks!

These four really do have different types of obsession , each unique yet - adorable !

♦♥♠♣

Feelings can be quite destructive , but not to him . Rook isn't into self harming emotions and will greatly enjoy a game of cat and mouse . Of course he'd be a lot more fascinated if its with you

He appreciates your beauty , elegance and mostly , your innocence . He loves to see fear and embarrassment into your eyes , just as a hunter

Rook has no worry of you realizing that he's stalking on you . He will pop out of nowhere into your way making you jump , then laughs with a : " My bad , did I scare you my lady ? "

He is totally aware of how unsafe you feel as he calls you his and surely enjoys it , after all that what he's after

You'd tried almost anything to avoid running to him or letting him run to you : Skipping classes , staying out for fewer hours , locking doors and windows before going to sleep...

Rook wouldn't mind you fighting back , it was good to see that he's been realized and feared by his prey . Bunny or deer , he was gonna let you try and fight back , not that he wasn't interested to see it though

Locking windows wasn't a stop for him from watching over you at nights . In fact he believed that you should've been thankful as well ; not a single soul or animal would make it to your room alive under his sight

Spending more and more days being watched , you seriously grew furious ; which made you run whenever you saw him around , causing him to walk faster following you

You soon had enough of it , insomnia and paranoid had you weak , not able to take it anymore

You went too Rook by your own feet , telling him about how uncomfortable you've been feeling lately and your health issues

His eyes suddenly widened putting a hand on your forehead to see if you're fine ; which you surely weren't

He immediately returned you to Ramshackle dorm , putting you on bed and sitting aside you : " My dear , you should've told me if you were feeling uncomfortable . You know how much pain would be brought to my heart even by thinking of you getting hurt..."

He then gave you a kiss and whispered a : " Forgive me darling , now take some rest ," to your ear before leaving

Just by the smirk he was holding all the time you could've said that he hadn't changed at all ; and of course he hadn't

He already knew how he's been making you feel and the only thing changed by your argument , was for him to hide more carefully

He doesn't want you hurt , but he couldn't help how exciting it was to see you helpless either

When you finally re-gained your health just enough to return to classes , he got way worse ways to watch over you . He picked up the same classes as you , participated in same clubs and even took the same path as you yet this time , there is no hiding

He openly talks to you about whatever you might talk : your day , your plans for tomorrow , etc . Pretty good at acting as if he isn't doing all these on purpose

You think that it couldn't get any worse but finding a letter on your bed with an arrow-shaped stamp on , you realize you were greatly mistaken :

He now openly asks you out and invites you for dinner , making it Impossible for you to avoid him

The romantic pace he brings to your night with candles and roses is surely something , but it doesn't change the fact that he's having you in control

He does really enjoy playing with you and your mind Watching you try to hold him back is absolutely cute in the eyes of this hunter

It simply begun with him staring too much at you during classes , hoping that you wouldn't notice him and when you did , he'd just anwser with a nervous smile , trying to seem neutral

Epel tries his best bring himself closer to you but not in a harmful way . He keeps following you around making sure that he'll be as close as possible

He doesn't intend to harm you or make you feel uncomfortable ; he just feels better when you're close

He doesn't care if you aren't going to talk to him or at least notice him , just watching your beautiful giggles and hearing your angelic voice will do for him

You soon realized that you were seeing him around a lot more that usual , during lunchtime , while talking to friends and even around ramshackle dorm , which made you a bit worried

Epel had noticed your slowly growing anxiety around him , and it frustrated him , making him scared of losing you

Even the thought of you hating him would bring tears to his eyes , making him silently cry hiding face into his pillow for many nights

He is much of a self harm yandere , he is way too shy to walk straight to you and start a conversation , so he'll just keep it all to himself , although this will end up bringing him more pain

You were trying to deal with him around , but you couldn't help it the night you found Epel trying to kiss you as you were asleep , which ended up with him running off in tears leaving you in fear and an awfull sense of being unsafe

Epel didn't show up for a few days afterwards , which made you feel sorry about it . You didn't get why he'd choose to stalk if he was really feeling for you , but considering how shy and quite he usually was you couldn't blame him either

Next to you meet he looks just...awfull . You are still a bit shocked about what happened , but realizing the bags under Epel's eyes and how much skinnier he'd got , you hug him tightly

Spending time with him , you realize how he just needs your attention ; to have you close

You didn't directly try to talk him out of his obssessive ways because that would've surely made him feel more guilty and depressed

You decide to use a different method as a way to stop his unhealthy routines or at least , reduce them for a mentionable amount : By giving him the time and attention he wanted

He'll still get a bit upset by the moments you have to leave , but you confort him that you'll soon be back

He'll slightly grows a lot better , returning to his healthy pace

There are times which he gets overly anxious or stressful , fearing of you leaving him behind , but you just know how to keep up with him :

Holding him in your embrace and kisses on the forehead will make him feel unimaginably calm and safe. He sometimes ends up falling asleep into your embrace but you don't mind

He's quite nervous and gentle when it comes to love , which may cause him to go too far sometimes . But as long as you are there for him , he's gonna be fine

Jade is a pretty calm , yet obssessive yandere. He just isn't one into stalking or following you around , yet he has his own standards

He doesn't have to follow you around since you already come for a coffee at mostrolounge's every afternoon , which is enough to be called his perfect time with you

First days just passed with him watching you with a smile , curious and bright about the way you enjoyed taking slow and patient sips of your coffee , putting on a calm face that made him lick his lips excitedly

When he finally took the urge too talk , it was no more than small talk or asking you if you want anything

His small talks slowly turned into friendly chats , he sat next to you more like a friend than a waiter waiting for you to order ; he was really growing close to you

With several weeks passing he is now way closer to you than a normal friend . He also meets you during classes and lunch time but nothing will ever replace your afternoon meetings at mostrolounge

You knew that he liked you and you didn't really have a problem with this , he is all nice and polite so why not , you thought

But just as he brings himself closer to you , his darker sides begin to be revealed as well ;

Having your exams started , you couldn't show up at mostrolounge everyday and Jade didn't like it at all , though he was well aware of you being busy

He doesn't show any anger meanwhile the two of you meet at school , although you already knew that Jads was hiding his disappointment under that calm smile

When you finally get to return to mostrolounge after a while , he doesn't act any differently than before . You try to apologize but he comforted you that he understands how busy you are

Things got a lot different from the day after . He now asks you about people you meet everyday and friends you talk to . You don't find any of these information necessary but didn't mind giving them away either

His questions soon got irritating and whenever you tried to switch the subject or lie ,he used shock the heart on you : "Darling , be honest with me ,"

His friendly talks are now serious interrogations , as if he he knows that you're hiding something from him . You never mind answering him even though he sometimes went too far , but seeing him caught into his paranoids of you cheating him made you worried

You already like Jade and don't want to see him as he is , so you take a step forward , asking him if he likes to go on real dates , not occasional cafe meetings

He blushes at your request , unsure what to say but he immediately accepts it ; not wanting to lose the chance

Even as the two of you date , he continues to be protective over you since the thought of you cheating him drives him mad

He'll keep asking you if you want someone else using shock the heart , which you always say no but that doesn't ever seem enough to satisfy him , even though he knows that you're telling the truth

Jade just wants you on his side and doesn't want to lose you ; after all prevention is better than cure

Floyd's obsession isn't something he'd like to hide . He just isn't the type who would rather hiding in the shadows and sneakinh behind the doors , he finds that pretty useless and of course , boring

He doesn't mind you noticing him around or telling that he's following you , he'd even doubt that you'd ask since he does it pretty obviously

You tried to be positive about it , asking him what he's doing or if he wants something several times , but the anwser made seeing him around a hundred times creepier : " Nah- Isn't it obvious ? I'm just following you ,"

Stalking isn't an extremely exciting kink of him , he's more into close-interactions : Showing up out of nowhere and holding your hand , being squeezed unexpectedly during classes or even being grabbed by arm and warned about how close you've been to your friends lately were just simple

He doesn't like you spending too much time with any other than him and wouldn't mind stating it to you loud and clear. He even says how bad he wants to roast those fishies , which he meant your friends , into flaming hot fire ; which he you laughed at just to be hushed by his deadly gaze , clarifying that he obviously wasn't joking

You didn't really try to hold him back at first , thinking that he was just much of a tsundere around you , being protective as a friend ; but when his small jokes grow closer to reality , you knew that you had to take it serious

He would grab anyone who gets too close to you by grabbing back of their collar and pull them back like it's no big deal ; no need to say that the ones who already know him are too terrified to argue and those who don't as well will be cut off by just looking at his gigantic figure

Soon enough , everyone around you are aware of you belonging to unpredictable Leech twin , which will probably cause them to keep their distance with you ; enough to make you feel isolated

Floyd as well is starts avoiding people , even acting cooler with Jade in fear of you preferring his 'pitch perfect twin' over him

You were already feeling unsafe due to his unhealthy behaviors toward you , but watching him doing the same to himself made you feel guilty ; after all this was all for you , because of him being obssessed with you .

You were no match for him if you were to talk you out of it , so you decided that you needed some...help

Asking Jade and Azul for help would normally cost a price , but since they as well were worried about Floyd , you could call it a deal

You all agreed that he needed to take some time off to return to a more stable position , which Floyd obviously disagreed

Finally he agreed on taking a short vacation but just on condition ; you had to go with him

Jade and Azul were sure that you wouldn't last any more than a few days alone with him , which made them decide to come with you as well

Floyd isn't quite satisfied about having to take an unwanted vacation , but since it's with you , he can kinda deal with it

He is never gonna totally let go of his obssessive ways , but having his closest friends along with you will make him a bit calmer ; at least enough for him to be his real self

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melancholydreadfuldream · 4 years ago

Text

Hell-bound with you

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: Doctor x Reader

Summary: You are the unwilling companion of the Doctor.

Warning: ooc, plot holes as usual, dark!doctor, insanity, etc. You have been warned.

A/N: I hope this post show up in search result just fine. The part four of my other fic I posted at the end of last month just won’t show up in any search result, tags not working. I hope this one work okay.

I watched in amusement from my spot as Jack tried to summon the Doctor but failed instead, he kept getting her companion. I couldn't help but laughed at the old man expression when Jack kissed him in the mouth.

I was surprised when the old man, Graham, revealed that the Doctor is now a woman. Jack is giddy with excitement as he wanted to see the Doctor so much. But he kept pulling in the companion instead. Yaz and Ryan.

Eventually Jack realized that the judoon technology is the reason why he can't pull the Doctor to him. Personally, I was grateful that the Doctor is not here. I wouldn't want to catch his - i suppose now - her attention. I admit I am a bit curious about how she looks like. The Doctor's first time as a woman, I wonder how she will act.

My attention snapped back at Jack as he warned the companion about the lone cyberman. It was all very cryptic.

Turned out the companion has never encountered a cyberman before so they understandably are confused.

Both Jack and I had suffered together in the short time since we met and you know what they said about forming a close bond during a life and death situation. It makes us comrade.

Jack knew some stuff about me that I would never tell anyone. I am so grateful that I met him while stranded in this alternate universe.

Of course, it just my bad luck to have landed in a time period where cybermen overrun the world. I was lucky I met Jack. It would take me forever to sort thing out otherwise. I shuddered at the thought of being taken by cybermen for conversion.

I didn't know what to think of the companion because I didn't know of them. I didn't know of the newest incarnation of the Doctor being female either. There were rumor floating around about it but I missed her first season on the account of finding myself suddenly existed within the impossible DW universe.

I hated it. It wasn't fun. And I ended up ruining the Doctor's timeline. I had to run from him when he changed into that monster. Oh, I know he would come looking for me sooner or later. He would never let me go just like that. Misery loves company and all of that. Some part of him did blame me for changing him, I just know it.

But running away and found myself stranded in another DW universe isn’t exactly how I planned my escape. The upside of being here is that I’m finally free of that person.

I heard an amused chuckle within my mind and I frowned. Right, I guess technically I am still haunted by that person. I glared at the bow-tied figure that only I can see, a proof of my insanity. I tried to ignore him and his unwanted commentary on whatever it is Jack and I did.

This particular universe thankfully still follow the canon, I think. I don't know if it will be a blessing or a curse my escape being here, knowing my luck it will ended up as another curse. I do know one thing, this time I have to avoid the Doctor at all cost. It will be hard, I'm sure, as I felt it so many times before back then, someone pulling the string and play on me like a puppet. Of course, no one believe me, not even that person.

I didn't know the future of the Thirteenth Doctor but I will still be a threat to her should she realized what I am. That's what happened with that person. He insisted that I stay with him and everything has gone wrong ever since.

I tried not to think about that person and his now-never-happened future courtesy of me, of my presence, in his life.

"(Name)?"

I snapped out of my trance as Jack called out to me in concern.

"Is it him?"

I blinked when I realized I must have been talking out loud and thus gaining Jack and the companion’s attention. "I'm fine."

Jack gave me a look that said he didn't believe my bullshit.

I ignored him. I noticed the companion are staring at me as if I was insane. I held back a frustrated laugh. Well, I am insane, somewhat.

Jack introduced me to them. “This is (Name). She is with me.”

"Is she a friend of the Doctor too?" Graham asked Jack.

"Well..."

"No." I firmly said as I glared at him in warning. "Oh, just shut up." I glared at an empty space on my left.

The companion stared at me warily.

“err, did she just talk to an empty space?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah, she does that.” Jack replied, not taking his eyes off me.

I tried to focus on Jack and the companion. I rubbed my forehead, feeling a headache forming.

Jack's frowned as he observed me. "She's...complicated." He suddenly yelled in pain as the nano-genes started to attack him. He complained very loudly.

I was worried for him. "It’s time. We should leave here, Jack." I said as I grabbed him. “You already did your part, warning them.”

"You are right but there is...” Jack groaned. “...one more thing, (Name), you are not coming with me."

"What?! What the hell are you talking about?" I punched his arms in annoyance.

Jack rubbed his arms and give me a look. "You should go with them and stay with the Doctor."

I was pissed. I thought he understand. "No. You..."

"I know what you think of her but I still think you would be safer with her than with me. Also, maybe she could help you with him." Jack replied, turning to glance at the space I have been staring at before despite not being able to see what I see.

"Like hell, I'm not going! And you can't make me!" I yelled petulantly.

The companion stood there looking confused at our argument.

Jack let out a sad smile. "I'm sorry, (Name)." He took my hand that is on his arm and let it go.

I blinked in confusion and annoyance. I was momentarily distracted and Jack took that opportunity to activate the vortex manipulator on my person and I suddenly blip out of the ship and found myself on Earth instead.

7777

I almost lost my balance as I landed harshly. I cursed loudly.

I saw the Doctor's companion materialized not too far from me.

"Son of a..." I growled. "That damn head jar!!" I cursed Jack. "Shut it!" I snapped on the empty space near me.

The companion stared at me warily.

I groaned in annoyance.

"We should go find the Doctor." Yaz suggested.

"Yeah, you guys go ahead. I'm out of here." I said.

"But I thought that Jack fellow said that you should stay with the Doctor?" Ryan asked.

"Ignore that cheeky bastard's words!" I said and then stopped myself. "Except about the cyberman. That was true. Alright, I'm leaving." I waved at them and left despite their protests.

Screw Jack. He is not the boss of me.

7777

I walked without a purpose as I ponder over what I have to do next now that Jack has abandoned me. Like hell, I’m sticking around to see the Doctor no matter how curious I am of the female Doctor.

“He’s right, you know, you would be safer if you stay with the other Me.” He said.

I glared at him. “And what? Risking of her turning out like you because of me?”

“I think you give yourself too much credit. I was always going to turn out this way sooner or later. Valeyard, remember?”

“But you are not the Valeyard.”

“Yet.”

“And that’s what make it worse. I did this to you. I turned you...”

“Victorious. That’s what I am, thanks to you. It wasn’t that bad.” He said with a shrug.

“You burned down planets!”

“I did that once in a while. You know this." He is referring to Gallifrey. "Besides, you know they deserves it.” He said as a dark expression crossed his features.

“We lost Clara. I wouldn’t call that victorious!!”

“And we avenged her.”

I was ashamed that it was the truth. I did help him to avenge Clara’s death. In fact, I was the one who urged him to do it because I couldn’t accept her death. They haven’t even done Trenzalore yet. And now they never will. Because of me, Bow-tie won’t even get a new set of regeneration. But considering how he turned out, am I doing the world a favor by limiting his life to his eleventh self? Now he will not get the chance to regenerate into Eyebrow. Or did I just make it worse? Like he implied, he is very well on his way into becoming the Valeyard.

“I am curious about the Doctor of this universe.” Victorious pondered. “I have never regenerated into a woman before. I was on my last regeneration right now."

I tensed at that. I kept reminding myself that the person in front of me is not quite real so even if he did figures out the truth, there is nothing he can do about it. No Clara, no new regeneration. Unless he made me fill her shoes, play her role so to speak on Trenzalore. I hope not. Well, I had escaped him, somewhat.

The real Victorious probably was too busy right now to ponder about the calling of Trenzalore. And knowing him now, he might actually let Trenzalore burns.

I think I bought enough time for myself so it might take him a while to locate me especially since I have a bio-damper ring on my person to hide the void stuff that apparently covered me when I first arrived in DW universe. With the ring, he won't be able to track me down easy. It also help hid my presence from the Doctor of this universe too.

I sighed as I stared at my 'companion', the one only I can see, an accidental result after some weird mind meld with the Doctor.

When I first took a glimpse of him the first time I was stranded in this alternate universe, I thought he was somehow in my head, then I beginning to question my sanity, creating a shadow figure of the Doctor in my headspace. Seemed like I could never be free of the Doctor. Part of me believed I deserved it, to be haunted by the Doctor that I ruined.

Sometimes I really thought he is the Doctor when he suddenly said things that sounded like something the Doctor will says. And then he is being all sarcastic with his unwanted commentary on everything I do and...meh I thought of him as a figment of my imagination designed as my personal demon to torture myself. But, weirdly he does know information that I could not possibly know, things that the Doctor or some other screaming genius might know but not little stupid, ordinary Me. There is no way if he is a hallucination created by me for him to know those complicated stuff. Anyway, thanks to that, Jack trusted me, I did save his life, both our life actually, by following the advice of the shadow Doctor.

Jack believe me albeit a bit reluctantly at first and eventually did trust me enough to watch each other back through hell and back. It was all very dramatic but also rewarding as we formed a friendship. Unfortunately, he's loyal to the Doctor hence he disbelieved me when I said I am bad for the Doctor, he still somewhat believe the Doctor is the answer to fix everything that could go wrong, even though he should know better.

I groaned as I ponder on what to do now. I understand the truth in Jack's words that I might need the Doctor of this universe help should Victorious able to track me down to this universe. But I am also right about my presence around the Doctor never bode well. So you see my dilemma?

Thankfully the Doctor and her companion never look for me. I guess she is not curious enough with me.

Back then as I watched the first two episode of season 6, I found it weird that bow-ties who supposedly adores children, didn't bother to look harder for little Melody Pond after she escaped the astronaut suit. Maybe there is some additional information about it from DW book or the audio-book but I never got my hands on them.

Anyway this is good. It would be troublesome if she did decided to track me down.

7777

I thought I covered my track very well but the time bounty hunters somehow able to track me down at some black market in some random planet. It was weird but it seemed the Tardis translation circuit still work on me even if I am not anywhere near the Tardis. Or maybe it is thanks to that annoying 'companion' of mine?

I'm following the advice of the shadow Doctor to find an equipment to, as he said he will indulge me for now, hide me better. I used my vortex manipulator given by River a long time ago at the Library. She taught me how to use it so that I won't accidentally kill myself while using it.

Anyway after I purchase the said equipment and before I could use it per the shadow Doctor's instruction, the hunters found me.

Honestly I hope the self defense lesson I got from River and then Jack would be enough to at least help me escape my pursuers. I thought I did good but they still found me.

That's when the shadow Doctor 'helpfully' told me that I had a tracking chip somewhere inside my body courtesy of the real him. That bastard. Putting a tracking chip without my knowledge or permission like I am some freaking pets.

I glared at him angrily.

He grinned in amusement. "Hey, technically it wasn't me who did it."

"Close enough..." I muttered.

He told me the equipment I purchase earlier should destroy the chip into dust inside me without harming me in the process. Removing the chip would be better but without the correct equipment and a professional medical knowledge, it would be too dangerous.

But before I could use it, they found me again. I was at some random abandoned building. One of them broke my wrist as I fought him. I screamed in pain.

"Hey, don't hurt her! He won't be pleased!"

"She won't stop struggling! She bites me!"

I groaned in pain as they pushed my whole body on the wet floor.

"She is not to be harmed in any way." Someone said. "The client is very specific about that one. He need her for something. He is willing to pay so much for her."

My eyes widened in fear as I realized they are not planning to take me back to Victorious. That would be even worst. Are their client some enemies of the Doctor who is trying to take me as hostage? Or do they after the knowledge I have of the Doctor? But there is no way someone could know. I was sure Victorious remove all threat on me.

I catches the glimpse of dark expression crossing the shadow Doctor's feature as he too listen to what the men had said.

"Who even is she? Why do they willing to pay so much for her?"

"Don't you know? She's the consort of that guy, the Doctor."

I rolled my eyes in disdain at that misinformation but made no move to correct them. There is no point.

"For real? But she is running from him? Why?"

"Have you been living under a rock? That man has gone insane. Who would in their right mind stay with him?"

"I heard the stories about him."

"Not stories."

"So, is it wise to betray him like this?"

"You assumed we got the job from him but we didn't. By the time we hand her over to the client and got our money, with this technology to cross over universe..." He glanced at the elaborate vortex manipulator on their wrists which you assumed they got from the said client. "we can make a new life in some other universe. He won't be able to find us."

The shadow Doctor chuckled coldly. "Whoever that client of their is, I know they are not stupid. To go after what is mine, they would have to take care loose end in order to remain undetected from me." He said as he observed the men. "That vortex manipulator probably has an expired date on it and more..."

He turned to look at me, kneeling before me with almost a bored look. "I did warned you that you would have been safer if you stay with the other me."

I glared at him. "Quit talking, do something." I hissed at him.

He smirked. "You didn't say please."

"Who is she talking with?" One of the men asked.

They hauled me up to face them.

"You are not very smart, are you?" I said with a smirk. "He is already here. The Doctor. Or should I say Victorious?"

They looked around nervously.

I pulled my sonic screwdriver, the one I stole from Victorious, and set out sonic sound, as instructed by him, that momentarily hurt everyone's ears but also caused some old hanging lamp to either explode or fell to the ground, causing chaos.

I ran immediately out of the building. Ignoring the growing pain in my wrist, I yelled at him to tell me how to use the equipment to destroy the chip. I moved the equipment to some spot of my neck and pulled the trigger.

I clamped my mouth as burst of hot fire pain filled me. I gasped as I fell to the ground. Tears filled my eyes. I felt so dizzy.

I distinctly heard him telling me to stay awake and ran. So I did albeit really slow.

Like I said before, someone or something seemed to be pulling the string on me because as I made my weak escape, I found myself face to face with the companion I met with Jack weeks ago and there is a woman with rainbow stripes on her clothing with them. The Doctor, my mind supplied.

Shit.

"It's you." Ryan whispered, seemingly surprised to see me.

"Doctor, she is the one we told you before. she was with Jack." Yaz explained.

The woman glanced at me in guarded curiosity. She walked toward me and opened her mouth to say something but I fainted right into her arms.

7777

I woke up inside the Tardis in the medical bay. How did I know that? He told me.

The Doctor, the female one, entered the room and smiled upon seeing that I already wake up.

I no longer feel any pain, not on my broken wrist and on my neck. I assumed she fixed that. And someone changed my wet dirty clothes with something comfortable.

I heard her yapping about the danger I put myself using the equipment she found with me. I didn't listen, still a bit too dizzy.

"Who are you?"

"(name)." I replied.

"Ok, (name), I'm the Doctor. My fam said you were with Jack and that he instructed you to stay with me?"

"He was wrong." I said bluntly. I forced myself to get up and stand up despite her protest. "I should leave."

"You can't. We are in the vortex. Also you were hurt. Who hurt you? Also who put a tracking chip inside you? You destroyed the chip using that equipment. Are you running from a prison? Did Jack broke you out of prison?"

I groaned and chuckled harshly. "You talk too much." I said as I clutched my pounding headache. "Prison, huh? I guess you could say that. Oh, shut up." I snapped at my right.

"Who are you talking with?" She observed me curiously. "The fam told me that..."

"I am a bit insane? That would be correct. Better stay away from me, doc." I said in derisive.

She glanced at me.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?"

"Like I am some animal in a zoo."

"I am so sorry."

"For what?" I asked in confusion.

"For whoever hurt you like that." She whispered. "Yaz changed your clothes. She said you have scars on your arms, consistent with someone being restrained and being injected and also..."

"Stop." I glared at her menacingly. "That was private. None of your business."

She, thankfully, stopped talking about that topic. But she suddenly pulled my sonic screwdriver. "How did you get this?"

I took a deep breathe trying to calm myself over the fact that she and Yaz invaded my privacy. "It's mine."

"Not possible." She said firmly.

"Uh-oh, someone in trouble..." I heard him said in a teasing sing-song voice. I glared at him before turning to face her.

"Someone gave it to me." I lied. "Now give that back and let me leave." I demanded.

She shook her head as she took a step back. "Did you steal this?"

"Ding dong, she got it!" The shadow Doctor answered cheerfully much to my annoyance.

Fine, I'm going to give her some shock value. "River gave it to me, satisfied?"

The Doctor look shocked, her mouth dropped open. "You know River? River Song?"

"That was a low blow, (name)." The shadow Doctor whispered at me in disappointment.

"She was my friend." I spat. That wasn't a lie, technically. River was my friend but in the other universe, not in this one. "I'm sure you wouldn't know me, Doctor. She wouldn't talk about her friends with you. Mostly because you would not be interested."

The Doctor observed me, trying to spot the lie. She seemed satisfied to find none. But she is still suspicious though. "Why would she give you this?"

"For my protection. I will only know how to use it whenever I was in danger." That one is not a lie since the shadow Doctor only tell me how to use it whenever I need to escape danger.

She hummed at that, probably wondering if I ever misuse it. She didn't seem to keen of returning it though. At least she didn't confiscate the vortex manipulator.

"Jack vouched for me. Do you think he would send someone not trustworthy to you?" I said. The answer is yes, by the way, because that traitor Jack ignored my warning how I am not good for the Doctor's timeline. If I am to stay with her, predictably things will not be canon again and it will definitely be hell-bound.

The shadow Doctor chuckled at what I said.

The Doctor didn't say anything.

I raised an eyebrow. "I guess you don't trust Jack or do you only trust him when he is useful to you?" I asked in vicious tone. "Fine, keep the damn sonic screwdriver."

"Oh now you have done it. She is not going to let you leave now." The shadow Doctor helpfully informed. "That is my 'i-don't-trust-this-person-i-need-to-solve-what-she-is-hiding' look." He grinned gleefully.

I almost want to slap the jerk if not for the fact he is not really there so it is kinda pointless.

Resigned to the fact that I am stuck with the new Doctor, I am determined not to let her in my head. A mistake I made with bow-ties which in turn caused him to become Time Lord Victorious.

But I have no idea what the future hold for this version of Doctor and her companion. One thing for sure, the canon is about to go to hell, especially since I have no idea what to do and what to avoid doing.

"I think you should stay with me. I can help you with whoever after you. But I need you to trust me."

What a hypocrite. She doesn't even trust me. Why should I trust her?

"I don't want to intrude. Just dropped me back on earth at 2020." I said.

"Oh, bad year." The shadow Doctor supplied.

"I insist you stay here for a while. After all, isn't that what Jack want me to do? Welcome to the Tardis. It is..."

"I know what it is. River and Jack told me."

"Well then...if they trust you, I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt..." She smiled brightly. "Welcome aboard, (name). We are going to have adventure of the lifetimes."

If she think I would rejoice, she is sadly mistaken as I stared at her flatly, not impressed.

He chuckled at my expense.

The Doctor glanced at my unimpressed look, sighed. "Well, you are a tough one."

7777

And so I ended up becoming the Doctor's unwilling companion...again.

She re-introduced me with her fam and officially give me a room in the Tardis.

Yaz is wary of me but Ryan and Graham are nice and friendly.

And just like that I got pulled into their adventure. I tried to refused saying I'm feeling ill most of the time, preferring to stay behind but unfortunately the Doctor doesn't trust to leave me inside the Tardis.

Does she think I could drive the Tardis or something? Seriously...

7777

I was stuck in a nightmare. I was back with Victorious and he punishes me for escaping. He trapped me in a special room designed to punish me mentally. He always did know I am weak mentally. He was surprised that I could survive this long by luck alone.

I saw the laughing figure of a trickster, saying the joke is on me and...

I woke up to the concerned face of the Doctor, the female one.

I remembered now. I fell under the clutch of some wannabe gods from ancient Syria. They fed from people's nightmare.

The woman, Rakaya, glanced at me wickedly, saying I have some delicious nightmare.

The Doctor saves the day and able to trick the wannabe gods into eternal imprisonment.

At the end, as I sat with a blank expression on my face on the stairs at the console room, Yaz and Ryan approached me and asked if I want to talk about my nightmare.

I just said that I dreamed of being back in the room. They didn't push me for more. Yaz, being a police officer, probably suspected based on my scars, that the room was where I was imprisoned before.

7777

Darn it.

Despite my determination not to get attached with the Doctor and the fam, I failed. Damn adventures and dangers and excitements, it does bound us closer with each other. I saved them, they saved me.

"Admit it, you miss this, didn't you? The adventures, dangers, excitements?" The shadow Doctor teased me. "You got used to it already."

"what about you?" I asked him. "Do you miss being the Doctor? Saving people and planets instead of destroying them on a whim?"

He was silent. For once, he left me alone. I think I hurt his feeling despite him being a hallucination.

7777

Once I was almost taken by another bounty hunters, the Doctor rescued me and declared that I am under her protection and anyone who want to take me, will have to go through her first.

The oncoming storm expression on her face is enough to make them back off and I was left in peace.

The Doctor is not pleased that I still won't tell her the reason.

"You have your own secrets and I have mine. Respect that!"

"I can't protect you if you don't tell me the truth." The Doctor had said.

"Fine, let me leave. I can take care of myself!"

Both the Doctor and the shadow one snorted at me much to my anger.

The fam has to interfered with our arguments.

"Cool off, the both of you!" Yaz demanded.

Reluctant to leave for the next adventure but having no choice, I went with them. Another life-threatening incident passed with me rescuing Ryan, softened the Doctor and she apologies to me, sort of.

7777

It finally happened. As Jack warned, the lone cyberman has come.

The Doctor asked me the thing that the cyberman after so I told him about the cyberium. Jack did told me about it in passing. He was part of the alliance, after all. I guess he told me about it because he always planned to dump me at the Doctor. I admitted I hold a grudge against Jack for this still.

The Doctor took me with her but instructed the fam and the rest to stay put. She asked me more about cyberium. I honestly don't know anymore but she kept pressing me, taking her frustration at me.

To be honest, she frighten me at that moment, reminding me of Victorious.

From the way the Doctor reacted when she explained about cyberman to the other, the shadow Doctor concluded that she must have lost someone to the cyberman.

Bill Potts, my mind supplied. I knew she was supposed to be the Doctor's companion after Clara. Since Bill is not here anymore, I can only assume she is the one the Doctor lost.

The Doctor raced against time competing with the cyberman called Ashad to get the cyberium before him.

She eventually figured out the cyberium is possessing one of the residents in the house. She managed to trick the cyberium into leaving its current host.

The cyberium is attracted to the Doctor for a host much to my horror as she started to blurt out something the Time Lord Victorious would say.

I saw the shadow Doctor glanced at the other Doctor in amusement and curiosity. His eyes darkened with the lust for power. At that moment, he look so much like the real Victorious I have to believe he is truly him, not a pale imitation of him.

He turned to look at me as he finally notice the look of dread on my face. "You see? The Doctor has always headed to this..." He said with a chilling smile. "It wasn't you who turned me, dearest (name)."

"Get away..." I whispered in fear. I snapped out of it and yelled at the other Doctor, "Doctor, don't!" at the same time as Yaz.

Thankfully, the Doctor snapped out of it too.

The lone cyberman threaten to destroy the planet right that second if the Doctor refused him the cyberium.

Having no choice, the Doctor give its back to him. I have failed Jack. I know she has no choice but this meant Jack and the alliance would be in danger again.

As we returned to the Tardis, the Doctor made a plan to go after that asshat, I mean, Ashad.

She prepared some machinery in order to fight against the cybermen armies. At least she is confidence she could win this.

I planned to go with her to help and rescue Jack and then I am going to slap the hell out of him.

7777

Of course, things just don't worked as well as the Doctor planned. We are in the far future where the last of the human race located. I couldn't find Jack or the alliance.

We are overpowered by the cybermen and got separated from each other. I ended up with Yaz and Graham while the Doctor is with Ryan.

Somehow we ended up in cybership with the cybermen armies in the middle of waking up.

We are trapped. Everyone is panicking. I heard Yaz tried to talk to the other Doctor via an unreliable communication device.

I turned toward the shadow Doctor. "Do something!"

He turned to me with a chilling smile. "I have taught you before, right?"

I swallowed down my fear. "Please..."

He sighed as if what I am asking him is too troublesome.

I jumped when the steel door started to shake some more under the constant attack from the cybermen.

"You remembered when you were taken from me by the Division?" He suddenly asked.

I remembered it. I was taken, my mind half lobotomized in order to gain access on what I know of the Doctor. I woke up to everyone in the building died. I assumed Victorious did it.

"I could activated the physic bomb I planted inside you."

"What?!" This is the first time I heard this. "What the hell is that? Why do you insist of putting things in me?" I lost it at him. I am furious, wouldn't you be?

"(name)!" Yaz called out to me in concern but I ignored her and the rest who thought I finally lost my marble.

"Oh chill out, it won't kill you, well, only temporally." He said as he played with his nails.

"Bastard!"

"If I activated the psychic bomb, you and everyone in this ship will died, well not you obviously, and the cybermen but they will lost all function for roughly an hour or more. Enough time for you to escape, well, once you are resurrected that is." He said.

"What about them?"

"What about them?" He parroted. He shrugged. "Not my concern."

"The hell with that! Save them too!" I demanded.

"I warned you not to get attached..." He sounded bored now.

"Find another way!"

"Why should I?"

"Please. You are the Doctor."

"I'm not the Doctor anymore, remember?"

"Fine, you are victorious! So prove it!! Save them and be victorious over the cybermen!!" I screamed at him, tears of desperation filled my eyes.

He took a look at me and relents. "Fine."

I let out a shaky relieved breath at his answer.

He instructed me to tell the mechanic of the bunch with me to remove some electrical thingies to support enough for teleportation for all of us to escape.

"It is not enough!" The mechanic said. "Only enough for four and there are seven of us!"

"If only someone has a sonic screwdriver..." The shadow Doctor said mockingly. "Guess you have some decision to make, little (name), which four gets to escape with their life."

I cursed the other Doctor for taking the sonic from me. To my surprise, Yaz pulled a sonic screwdriver from her bag.

"She told me to give it back to you." Yaz explained.

My mouth dropped open in shock. I laughed in near hysterical and turned to the shadow Doctor with a grin. "Tell me."

He sighed in exasperation. "Fine."

I used the sonic as instructed, giving the teleportation enough power to transport all seven. "Go!" I instructed Yaz and Graham and the rest to go first.

"What about you?" Yaz demanded.

"I have one last thing to do." I turned to the shadow Doctor as everyone left the ship. "Do it."

He glanced at me with a look and smiled. "Being a martyr?"

"Buying them some time. They are far enough not to get affected by the psychic bomb, correct?"

"Correct."

"And you are the one who said I will survived it so not a martyr."

He hummed. "You sure?"

"Do it."

"As you wish."

Just as the door crashed open, I screamed as he filled my head with so much pain it triggered the bomb creating a pulse of energy that sweep the cybermen off their feet.

I clutched my heart as it was rudely stopped.

The last thing I saw is the shadow Doctor hovering over me, muttering something I couldn't hear.

"I only ask because triggering the bomb would send a signal directly to him..." He said. "He is coming, (name). I am coming."

7777

I slowly opened my eyes, found myself on the ground. "Oww..."

The Doctor and the fam are there, surprised to see me alive.

The Doctor scanned me with her sonic. "But...this is impossible." She blurted out. "You are only human, how can you...? You are immortal? Like Jack?"

"Ugh stop talking. Can I get some water please?" I pleaded.

Everyone stared at me weirdly but an old man thankfully gave me some water.

The Doctor still couldn't get over the fact that I survived and demanded to know what I have been hiding from him.

"Take it easy, doc, she did save our life." Graham said.

The Doctor relented.

"The cybermen..."

"Out of commission for now. How did you do that?" The Doctor asked.

"Tell you later."

She glanced at me. "You better." She said firmly before turned to Ko Sharmus who showed us to the Boundary and there a portal opened.

Both the Doctor and the shadow one blanched in horror when they recognized the ruins of Gallifrey.

And then some random guy leaped out of the portal.

"Master." I heard the Doctor spatted in disgust.

"What?" I accidentally yelled. Last time, to my knowledge, the Master is Missy, though? What happened to her?

"Like a pest...he just keep coming back, huh?" I heard the shadow Doctor said with a chuckle.

The Master demanded the Doctor to go with him. She refused at first. But when he threaten to kill the rest of us, she relented.

Reluctantly, she goes with the Master through the portal, instructing the rest of us to stay behind.

"Follow them." The shadow Doctor demanded.

I stared at him as if he has lost his mind.

"Do it!" The force of his words gave me headache.

"Oh, alright! Geez!" I glared at him in annoyance but did as I told and the pounding headache lessened just a bit.

Yaz and the other tried to stop me but I told them not to follow me.

The Doctor is enraged when she saw me. "What the hell? (name), get back out there!"

The Master is not pleased to see me either. "Control your pet, Doctor, or I will be forced to kill her."

I glared at the shadow Doctor at my predicament of having two very angry Time Lord. "I have no choice, okay!" I said to them.

The shadow Doctor chuckled and told me to say something for him intended for the Master.

"Like hell, I'm gonna say that. He is going to kill me." I refused as I glared at the empty space beside me much to the confusion of two still very angry Time Lord. He wanted me to call him by his name 'Koschei'. I clutched my head. "Oh, fine!!"

"You always have such a sort fuse, Koschei." I repeated word for word.

Both the Doctor and the Master flinched and glared at me suspiciously.

Great. Nice going. Is he planning to get myself killed?

"How do you know that name?" The Master demanded.

"He told me." I gesture to the empty space beside me.

The Master stared at the empty space before chuckled darkly. "Your pet has gone insane, Doctor?"

I stared at him flatly, trying to cover my fear. "The Doctor told me." which is the truth. "just not the Doctor you know." also truth since the Master technically never met bow-ties.

The Doctor stared at me in confusion.

"Yeah, don't care." The Master shrugged and pointed his gun at me as I raised my hand in surrender but the Doctor stood firmly in front of me, shielding me from him.

"Don't you dare." The Doctor hissed at him.

"You don't want to do that. Unless you want me stop both of your hearts." I said, more like repeating the shadow Doctor said.

"Are you threatening me?" The Master look pissed.

"(name), who are you talking with?" The Doctor turned around and grabbed both of my arms, demanding an answer out of me.

"I..." Is this it? Do I have to tell her the truth? I turned to look at the shadow Doctor. I swallowed down hard as I look at the Doctor and then at the Master. "To answer your question, yes, that was a threat. How do you think I made the cybermen lost his function, Doctor? I have a psychic bomb inside me, killing me would trigger it, would kill myself and stopped both of your hearts. So unless you want an early death, I suggest you temper yourself." I said as flat as possible.

Both Time Lords stared at me in shock.

"Psychic bomb? Who did that to you?" The Doctor demanded in concern and slight fear.

"The Doctor did." I said softly.

She released me as if stunned.

The Master curiously looked at me and the Doctor. "Oh fuck this, you ruined my moments, ape!"

"(name)..." The Doctor stared at me as if I grow two head suddenly.

"Come on you two, we need to be somewhere else right now!" The Master demanded.

The Doctor grabbed my hand and took me with her as the Master led us the ruin of the citadel.

As we entered the hall of matrix chamber, the Master suddenly hit me over the head, causing to collapse on the floor, losing my consciousness.

Both Doctor and the shadow Doctor are enraged at my behalf. The Master claimed he need her attention on him, not on her stupid pet.

7777

I woke up to huge commotion. The Master is yelling something at a hologram of Ashad and his armies, asking them what happened. We could heard explosion. He turned to the Doctor asking her what has she done but the Doctor claimed it wasn't her.

They were shouting at each other. Until a signal caught on his communication device.

"A signal. The four taps of two hearts." The Master suddenly said in confusion.

I glanced at those two as they started to bicker again. They are the last two Time Lords, so who was it that send him a signal?

My heart suddenly beats faster as dread filled me.

"The signal is getting close but something seemed to prevented it to come through..." the Doctor said as she pulled her sonic at the device that now emitting some sort of pulse. A portal suddenly appeared in the middle of the room.

I turned toward the shadow Doctor who look at me fondly. I couldn't decipher the meaning of it for a time. He suddenly started to fade away and my eyes widened as I suddenly have a realization.

"No!!" I shouted at both the Doctor and the Master trying to make them stop just as a pulse of energy exploded knocking all of us off our feet and I lost my consciousness once more.

7777

The portal opened. A man in bow-ties and dark purple suit stepped out of it.

The Doctor and the Master groaned on the floor. They looked up to see the newcomer.

The Doctor froze in shock when she saw her past-self. Her mouth dropped open.

He fixed his bow-ties with a grin. "Finally..." He turned and glanced at the other two Time Lords. "Hello there."

"Who the hell are you?" The Master asked.

"Victorious, at your service." He said, bowing mockingly at them.

The Doctor's face paled at the name. "But you can't be..."

"Oh? Why not?" He asked.

"You were me. And I never, he never..."

"You are the Doctor. Interesting." He said, eyes gleaming in excitement.

"You...are not me." The Doctor finally realized.

Victorious turned toward the unconscious human at the floor. His eyes softened considerably as he walked and squatted before the human, one hand gently removed the strand of hairs covering the face. "I guess even here, you couldn't escape a Me after all, huh?" he said. He sighed as he cradled the human into his arms. His forehead touches the human gently. "Seemed like you still keep some secret from me too..." He glanced at the Time Lady before him with a chilling smile before turning to look at his human again. "You bad, bad girl, what is to be done with this?"

A/N: I don’t know if there will be more. Maybe if inspiration hit, I will. Bear in mind, if I do write more, I might just add it in the same post instead of making another one so stay tunes? But for now, TTFN.

#doctor who x reader #thirteenth doctor x reader #eleventh doctor x reader #doctor who fanfiction #thirteenth doctor imagine #eleventh doctor imagine #shiefenwrites

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lairofsentinel · 4 years ago

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Talking about the smidgens we saw of Gale, the wizard of Waterdeep.

[Baldur’s Gate 3 Early Access Spoilers]

Updated, AGAIN, because the hell of new aspects we saw when some bugs were sorted out. Warning: all this analysis was done for game versions 4.1.83 and 4.1.84

Well, I had to rewrite all this because the explorations of dialogue options and the bugs being, somehow, solved, allowed me to see small details from Gale that stand out or end up being more than curious to me. I'll list his main features to make things short (hopefully), and useful for... eventual fics:

Gale is a char who approves any good treatment to animals (and creatures in general). He has a cat, a Library, and writes poetry sometimes.

He doesn't like gratuitous murdering which is implied in the anecdote he told us about how he stopped a massacre in a Waterdeep city inn just by buying a round to everyone. It is also implied in his approval in most situations; even in the one with the ogres having sex.

He gives you disapproval most of the time if you use violence and intimidation as your first approach in solving a situation. He prefers eloquence, diplomacy, and negotiation. However, he is flexible enough to approve a performance-intimidation in front of goblins to avoid bloodshed. Point (2) is primary. So... he truly is a pragmatic char. It's not white and black: “never use intimidation/lie” or that kind of over-simplistic view.

He likes logical and reasonable conversations. An action that earned his disapproval can be undone if the main char (MC) talks to him and explains their reasons. You can disagree with him without having approval penalties most of the time. You can question many situations and, as long as it remains a mental exercise, there are no penalties. That surprised me a lot. Most characters disapprove you if you wonder about a potential situation, but Gale no. He is the scholar, he will allow a safe space to think around things without being too judgemental. We will see if this attitude lasts in the full game. No wonder some players see in him “the Teacher” archetype. Quite so.

He was an Arch wizard while being Mystra's Chosen One, and fell from grace when she put him aside. What is hard for me to grasp is if he remained Chosen One and therefore able to cast silver-fire during that intermediate period when he stopped having Mystra's whispers and his folly with the netherese taint. We know that in that moment Mystra removed herself from his life completely. But before, she has only stopped whispering and sleeping with him. So far I understand, being her Chosen One doesn't imply sleeping with her, most of the time.

He was a teacher (not surprising, since his over-explanation vices and details such as the pronunciation of “Trashj” make us suspect it), and had some students that he could not keep longer since their ineptitudes irked him.

Unlike the stereotypical “scholar” type, he knows how to cook, since he has been doing stews for the party in the camp. He also loves baths. A bit siding with the stereotypical “scholar” type, but a nice change for a “standard adventurer” type, in which most of the time it is implied that they are stinky with “animalistic” scents and uglier descriptors. No, Gale likes his lavender-scented baths. Good.

He is an over-thinker strategist. And also a char who takes responsibility for his own mistakes to the point that, when he dies for the first time, a programmed image is activated to help anyone to revive him. Despite the fact that he is dead and can give a shit about that, he is still responsible of the catastrophe that may happen if that weird magic orb stuck in his chest erupts.

He is also forcing me to check the dictionary like no other game has done in a while... the fucker uses uncommon words a lot of the time. Smidges? really? Gale is a hard char for a non native English speaker.

We can assume that during his teenage time, he was a pretty prideful peacock to the point to be blind at the reality (well, yeah, he romanced a goddess; if that doesn't give you a hell of a ego boost...) He remembers his young self's pride with a thick level of regret. He is now a mature scholar that, for a change, does not patronise you or thinks of himself better than anyone. Sure, he over-explains a lot, but that's something that most scholars/teachers do when they are worried that, maybe, they won't be understood.

He is confident in his years of study (for that reason he is a capable wizard despite having lost Mystra's favours), but he acknowledges his limits. Which is a nice change to see in the “scholar” archetype, the typical know-it-all. He knows a lot, he knows that he knows (it would be ridiculous to hide his knowledge), but he is human, and like he says: “humans are fallible”. However, it’s more than obvious that he has a big ego for everything he does, which makes sense since he follows a motto in his life: “try to excel at everything”. High accomplished scholar lifestyle, indeed.

If you don't share the Weave with him, he will state that nights are lonesome. It seems he truly is looking for some connection with a keen fellow mind. Probably it's this loneliness which triggers his urge to see Mystra's face during the night. We also know he, in general, lives in constant fear due to the Netherese taint in his chest. So, very lonely, and very scared.

I don't know if this is his poet side unable to be switched-off or it's another implication of how he sees sexual encounters: he never says sex (at least in my many runs, he never did it). He always gets around the word: love-making, art of the body, intimacy. For a scholar who is so prone to use the technical word for everything, and has already stated he is not coy at all, the use of these metaphors make me wonder if it's because he always conceives sex as something more than mere physical pleasure. For him, it seems to come with a more emotional connection (which makes sense if we think he will only sleep with those who connected to him through the Weave). Another small detail that may confirm this is when he asks the MC if the “other night” was wonderful. If MC claims it was “fun”, Gale shows a certain degree of uneasiness by that word choice, making us infer that he certainly doesn’t see sex as “fun” but as something else, deeper.

His tadpole dreams are about Mystra (rather obvious). His most desperate desire is forgiveness. Mystra's forgiveness.

Mystra was his first love. The affair did not last long. And since soon after her abandonment he looked for the Primal Weave book and was infested by it; one could assume he has been focused on solving his problem for the rest of his life than putting some energy in romance, especially if we think about (13). It's hard to say with certainty (especially with banters like these), but since he is a char that you can only sleep with if you share a mind-connection through the Weave, it seems less plausible that he could encourage into casual relationships during all this period of his life looking for a solution to the Netherese orb. If he got previous relationships, they may have been meaningful, but clearly not enough to win over the goddess’ and his urges to see her, lol.

He did not mind Mystra having many other lovers besides him. It seems to be the same with the MC, since he will insist in sleeping with them even after the party and even after the MC slept with someone else (however, that only occurs if the romantic connection through the Weave happened.) This fact combined with (13) and (15) make me wonder if he certainly wants to be with the MC too badly, even in an open relationship. We need to see the rest of his romance to be sure.

Since he looks for forgiveness so desperately, he is a char who will forgive most mistakes made by the MC if they acknowledge them.

He is a char who knows how grey and complex situations can be. This is inferred by the way he speaks of the tiefling girl who tried to steal the idol in the Grove: “She is not innocent, but that doesn't mean she is guilty.” (of course there is a lot of self projection there). This is also implied in his (surprising) approval of raising Mayrina's husband and giving her the control wand to search for a solution in Neverwinter. That shows that he can accept the fuckest weirdest situations, recognising that “sometimes we can’t choose situations but we can try to do our best, not always having the best results”. Also self-projection.

He appreciates his privacy to the point to leave the MC if the abuse of the tadpole power continues. However, and honouring (4), you can abuse of these powers and convince him with reasons: if you don't lie to him and explain that you have a responsibility with the group to know what happens with his secret, he will understand, and despite disapproving the MC actions, will remain without major troubles.

Certainly, as long as you give him reasons and logical concepts, he can almost understand everything with no disapproval or at least little one.

Consent and negotiation are vital to him, apparently. However, this aspect reaches a flaw. He was too angry with Nettie when she almost killed the MC, and he made a short speech about how nobody has the right to decide your options for you. Yet, in his romance scene, we see that he deliberately hid his true relationship with Mystra and his bomb-condition in order to sleep with the MC. In fact, during the party, if the MC tells him that doubts if he is the one they want, Gale will drop a curious argument: “That’s because you’ve yet to find out what your’re missing” (implying that he himself is what you need), followed by his most curious “Doubt is a spoilsport. Cast it aside”. That coming from a scholar is rotten, lol. He tries every convincing argument to sleep with the MC (if they shared the moment of the Weave, of course)

This happens in every variation of the path: whether the MC sleeps with him in the party, or afterwards, Gale will always wait for sharing a night with the MC before speaking the truth. It's hard to read this aspect since, he is a char who, apparently, needs a mind-connection with his partner for intimacy (see (12) and (13)); so this terrible strategy is like his way of trying to guarantee that the MC will not abandon him. I guess there is something along those line, specially if we keep in mind the book he explained: a book which is not only about the art of the body and the night and sex, but of other things such as conversation, exploration, and acceptance of oneself and the other. He is expecting with this night to reach the MC to a certain degree of intimacy in which, despite the raw truth, the acceptance will prevail. Remembering (16), he truly wants to sleep with the MC, baaaadly. And somehow everything feels like he wants to push things in a subtle way to a certain degree of commitment. Following the concept in (12), I think he has been alone for too long, and desperately needs someone in his lonesome nights and in helping him to deal with his burden. Finding someone who connected to him through the Weave (such a personal experience for him as it is) made him a bit desperate or eager. We know his emotion for the MC may have grown over those days since the connection with the Weave. In two occasions he or the MC can ask if both of them think about that moment. Gale says yes with such enthusiasm, that it may imply...that maybe, he has been thinking about that more times than he truly wants to tell the MC. The Weave moment had such a strong effect on Gale that, if the MC spent the night with another companion and rejects Gale’s proposition later, he will trail off a sentence that implies he was convinced that the MC and he were heading into something serious and deep.

Of course, once he sleeps with the MC, he confesses the truth right afterwards, accepting--without approval penalties--the harshest responses that the MC can give. He clearly knows that such manoeuvre was truly disloyal, especially contrasting it with all his speech of consent and rights to know about the true situation one is in. In the next morning, he acknowledges it was a rotten thing to do and apologies. But this shows that his principles can be bend and even be broken when it comes to emotions. I'm still a bit wary of his emotional stability, what can I say.

Mystra is more than an ex-lover for him, it’s magic. And Magic is everything for him, even more than life. I wonder if, given the opportunity, Mystra forgives him and asks him to return to her side, would he accept it without second thoughts leaving the romanced MC? It's true he also acknowledges that all that fascination he had with the goddess was a product of his youth; he knows he was a plaything in her hands. But I don't see he got over with it. He still idealises her, as such a good poet does. Idealisation, especially when a Goddess is involved, is a terrible thing to fight against for the next partner. No matter what speech of loyalties and consent he states during the whole game, the MC knows that magic and Mystra are Gale's Achilles’ heel, and factors in which they can’t predict his behaviour.

We also know that, because his bomb-condition, he tries to take all the opportunities to enjoy the little things of life that make him human.

Gale is a straightforward and honest (mostly, let's say) char. But we can see that he prefers to be honest in most situations, except in his Achille’s heel. Even when he wanted to hide all the stuff about the bomb in his chest, he did it by explicitly warning us that he was hiding something he did not want to talk about. Which is an honest approach considering the hardcore burden he carries and the immediate rejection it can mean if the truth unfolds too quickly among strangers.

When it comes to concepts, Gale has the symbol of the storm attached to him. So far, we see he talks comparing things with storms or storm elements: his lack of knowledge to explain why they are not Mind Flayers yet: the silence before the storm; the fear that rushes into his body when the Weave orb asks him for magic to consume: the thunder of a storm reverberating in his soul, the day it will erupt: the lightning striking, the consumption of magic: water running through a sore throat, Life itself: a tempest. When he asked the player if they were a wizard, he explains that he needs an Arch wizard and compares them with a Tempest. If we see the main image of Baldur's gate 3, it's clear that his main element is electricity/storm... so... full witch-bolt-guy here.

[updated later] The Weave moment is important to romance Gale. Leaving the moment in ambiguity will give the MC another opportunity to make their intentions clear during the scene of the Loss. However, remaining vague will lock Gale into a friendship path. What happens during this scene may suggest that the ambiguity in the Weave was enough to keep Gale thinking about the romantic possibility, but he will not engage into it by his own, which confirms (15). Unless the opportunity presents itself clearly before him, he will not pursue the MC. Further details [here].

Last moment detail: Gale says “I cherish you” when he explains he will await death alone if the Netherese orb goes out of control. I was not sure if that meant something more or less than love or like (I can’t not overlook the subtle meaning of the words coming from Gale’s mouth, he is a poet and his word choices matter). Checking the dictionary I found that “cherish” (in a relationship) is defined as to hold or to treat as dear, to feel love for and to care for someone deeply and tenderly. This man went straight into a commitment relationship without thinking it twice, and without (I believe) the MC knowing it either xD.

Let's see how these characteristics shift or develop deeper once the full game is out there. Now we have to wait a lot :(

To see videos where all this stuff is inferred or explicitly said, you can check [here]

More videos added later [here] and [here]

More content of bg3 in general [here]

#baldurs gate 3 #gale #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 spoilers #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate

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ice-cream-nekogirl · 5 years ago

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i needed to lose you to love me (Bakugou Katsuki X Reader)

Summary: Bakugo sucks at apologizing, but knows that he owes you one. Big Time.

WARNING: THERE IS SOME MAAAAJOR AAAAANGST AND STRANGER THINGS 3 SPOILERS IN THIS CHAPTER. LIKE… MAJOR... I might have to actually make an alternate ending... sure I personally think this one has a happy ending too but... have ya’ll HEARD Selena Gomez’s new music video and song? It’s heartbreakingly beautiful but important about self-love so... here ya’ll go! Warning it’s also pretty lengthy... I also alluded to American Horror Story in here too.

Taglist: @i-love-bakugou, @soseoky, @random-username-101

The Long Awaited Part 2 of ‘Dump His Ass’ here: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/186316524474/dump-his-ass-bakugou-katsuki-x-reader

And Thank You All Might: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/186833600249/thank-you-all-might

If you haven’t seen Stranger Things 3 year and don’t want any spoilers… this one has HUGE spoilers so… read at your own risk…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlJDTxahav0

You promised the world and I fell for it... I put you first and you adored it

It’s been at least a couple of months and yet you found yourself still upset over the newfound sadness that plagued you as you put away an empty glass of water in the sink, sniffling a little bit. Unable to help but let some tears stream down your face as you could only think about what you had lost.

Why did it have to be him?

Yes, he was a huge jerk but he had a good side after all.

It wasn’t just you, many others had to see his nastier sides and witnessed him beat up some innocent people. And many, including yourself had thought there was no way such a jerk could ever have any sort of redeeming qualities, and the only good trait about him was that he was good-looking and badass.

He acted like he was so big and tough and bullied others just to show off his power, but even he had a soft spot that he buried deep down inside.

And you lost him.

Now all you could do was cry as you grabbed a tissue to wipe your face, not wanting to go to school upset over such a silly thing. Plus, you already embarrassed yourself in class not long ago by crying in front of everyone, so it was time to just get over it…

But you missed him…

“(Y/N)?” You nearly perked up as soon as you heard a familiar voice that belonged to the person you had been avoiding for the past months. Your ex-boyfriend…

Bakugou wasn’t a patient guy, and had been trying to bug you for the past couple of months but you stopped letting him and he had reluctantly put up with your silent treatment and cold shoulders. However, he couldn’t ignore your tears, he fucking HATED seeing you cry and he fucking HATED knowing that he was responsible for them…

Set fires to my forest And you let it burn...

He tried to get close to you, but you never let him, except this time he wasn’t going to let you just push him away. “Oy. What the fuck’s the matter…?” Despite his coarse language there was gentleness as he closed in towards you and looked you in the eyes.

“H-He’s gone…” You didn’t want to really see him, but you decided to just answer his question and his eyes slightly widened, “Who’s gone?” His concern grew when he thought that someone important to you might have died or disappeared.

“B-Billy… Billy’s gone… Hopper’s gone too… a-and so is Alexei…” You wiped your tears away with a napkin and swallowed hard to try and not get so emotional over the beloved characters you grew attached to.

But Bakugou could only blink in befuddlement, only for that to turn into pure and simmering annoyance, “Seriously?! Are you talking about the characters from that show?! I thought someone actually died!” He quickly shouted as you put your hand over your mouth to quell a snicker, as sad as you were over losing Billy, Hopper and Alexei, Bakugou’s anger was so amusing.

Yes you had been rewatching Stranger Things 3 ever since it came out because it was THAT good, you finally watched all of it with your friends and it was the BEST season thus far. Yet, it still didn’t cease to break your heart with the way it concluded this year.

“Yes… I am… oh yeah… Billy’s dead… and Alexei’s a new character that everyone fell in love with, Hopper’s also PROBABLY dead and Eleven… moved away from Hawkins can you believe it…?” With a small smirk you told him everything that you were sad about and you were actually really shocked to see his eyes go wide in the slightest bit of outrage as he yelled.

“DON’T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED IN THE THIRD SEASON! I haven’t seen it yet!”

“Well I wouldn’t have to tell you what happened if you had just sat your ASS DOWN that night and watched it with me.” It was your turn to be harsh as you used a sharper tone that almost scared your ex as he looked at you in shock. He was not used to this side of you at all because you were usually his cheerful if weird and kooky girlfriend.

Bakugou knew you could be tough, but being on the end of it was… scary to witness.

“Now you care about the show?” You chuckled and shook your head when you recalled all of the times when he mocked your taste in shows and repeatedly said that Stranger Things was unoriginal and stupid. Well, actually at first you were okay with it because that was okay and it wasn’t anything personal, but then he started mocking other things that you liked knowing that you liked them and then mocked you for liking them. Why did you put up with all of that?

Sang off-key in my chorus 'Cause it wasn't yours...

“Because you made me watch it! You’re the idiot that got me invested in that dumb show in the first place!”

“Okay, maybe I was a LITTLE bit pushy but… did it kill you to watch something with me every now and then you jerk?” You had calmed down a little bit, and instead put your hands up just to stop this pointless argument, much to Bakugou’s slight surprise as his scowl had lessened.

“You know what? Nevermind… I’m not going to argue about a freaking show… and I’m not gonna waste yours or my time… I forgot how much you value your time.” Shaking your head, you grabbed your bags to get ready to leave soon. Maybe you were giving Bakugou the guilt trip, but in your defense he called you fat and accused you of being lazy, and you were starting to realize that he didn’t give you a whole ton of respect during your relationship as he insulted things you liked, didn’t spend a lot of time with you, brushed you off when you tried to help him, blew you off at times and again, he called you fat. Something he swore that he would NEVER call you, and he broke that swear.

He treated you like garbage so now, like Max had said, it was time to treat HIM like garbage.

And so far the guilt-trip was working and Bakugou hated that it was. Every time you reminded him of the things he said, this knot in his chest would build and it would make him SO angry and yet so fucking guilty.

“Dammit (Y/N)… will you just listen? I know I said some stupid-shit but-“

Uh-uh, you didn’t want to hear it and you quickly put your fingers in your ears and started to sing, “Lalalalala~! I can’t hear you~! I respond to nothing Katsuki~!” You sang outloud and that just made the already frustrated Bakugou even madder, “CUT THAT OUT! (Y/N) YOU MORON STOP ACTING LIKE A FUCKING KID!!”

“I’m sorry? But I can’t understand you Katsuki… cuz you’re a human… and I’m a pig, remember? Pigs can’t understand humans… there’s a language barrier. Oink, oink.” Your eyes were wide in fake surprise which REALLY shocked but also REALLY infuriated your ex.

“Do NOT call yourself that! You’re not a pig! Come on I didn’t MEAN what I said all right?!” You couldn’t be serious; you couldn’t have taken his words to heart THAT much could you? He really hoped not, because it just made him regret what he said even more.

However, you weren’t listening to him and just continued to ignore him as you tried to walk away, but Bakugou wasn’t going to let you. He didn’t like this feeling, he didn’t like it at all…

I saw the signs and I ignored it Rose-colored glasses all distorted

“Hey! Goddamn it (Y/N) stop ignoring me!” Bakugou wasn’t used to you ignoring him at all, because you always, always gave him your attention, sometimes a little too much but he got used to it. And he liked that...

“Katsuki, you SERIOUSLY hurt me… I’ve told you this… the damage is done… you know I had a hard time growing up because of that… and you and Izuku were the only ones who never called me things like that when everyone else did…” Your voice cracked yet again as you quickly turned away and walked away as fast as you could, not giving Bakugou the chance to try and reach out for you the second he thought you were going to cry again.

Set fire to my purpose And I let it burn

“Argh! (Y/N)!” Bakugou called your name, but his guilt kept him rooted to where he stood as he let you walk off. But his eyes slightly widened when Mina and Yaoyorozu had been around and came just in time to walk with you and give warning glances to Bakugou so he didn’t try to come over to you. Mina even made sure to glare at him as the girls put their hands on your shoulders as the three of you walked away and left your ex alone.

Again…

“Dammit…!” He exclaimed to himself with his fists clenched. God he really fucked up; his classmates were giving him the stink-eye and you probably hated him. He couldn’t have that.

Well, Bakugou still really didn’t give a shit about what the others thought about him, but maybe, just maybe he didn’t want you to hate him. Even if it was his own fault. The more he reflected on what he said to you, the worse he felt…

You got off on the hurtin' When it wasn't yours, yeah...

8 HOURS LATER

You held back a yawn at the last class of the day, resisting the urge to go to sleep when Aizawa droned on and on about something you didn’t really care about. Well, it wasn’t that you were sad or anything, you were totally over everything that went down the last couple of days. Frankly, you had better things to think about and deal with than your dumb ex-boyfriend.

Like the new Zombieland! Now that you watched Stranger Things 3, it was time to get into something new. And you finished Big Mouth season 3 too so… you needed something else to focus on that wasn’t related to your ex or school. You giggled a little bit at the thought, maybe you should have been focused on studying for upcoming tests but at the same time it felt like everyone had been working too hard.

So the minute it was time to go you quickly went over to Izuku to see if you could drag him to the next showing.

“Hey ‘Zuku c’mere I got a plan…” You kinda grabbed his arm, making him jump a bit in surprise as he yelped a little bit. “A-Ah! Oh! H-Hey (Y/N)-chan… s-sure…” You thought he was so cute even though you two had been friends forever and he STILL got nervous whenever you touched him.

However, Bakugo didn’t find it cute AT ALL. Why the hell were you touching Deku?! What the hell were you doing with Deku?!

You didn’t notice this though as you just lulled him away to whisper, “Hey I’m like super hyped for the new Zombieland cuz it’s been getting some pretty good reviews despite the fact that it’s been like 10 years since the last one so… wanna go see it with me? I’m gonna invite some other fun people with me~.” It was a bit of a sudden, spontaneous idea but you thought ‘fuck it’ you wanted to go watch an awesome zombie movie with your friends and get school off your mind for a little bit.

Wasn’t that one of Columbus’s rules after all? Rule 32: Enjoy the little things. Yes you memorized some of the rules, some of them were good rules!

“Zombieland? Oh, that’s right! They made a sequel… sure…! I think that would be kind of nice…” Izuku wasn’t exactly a movie buff like you were but he liked spending time with you and watching movies or TV with you, and he liked the first Zombieland too.

“Great! Give ourselves a goddamn break ya know? I think we’re all kinda stressing out so yeah! Let’s go for it dude!” You gave him a big grin as he couldn’t help but blush quite madly, but he was happy that you seemed a bit happier as of late. Given the drama that occurred after you and Bakugou broke up and the mini depression you went through afterwards that lessened somewhat with the help of him, Shinsou and All-Might.

Did you still get sad? Of course. Depression and a low self-esteem don’t just go away, but your friends had been helping you through that, and you even still talked to All-Might whenever he and Izuku were training together or discussing something together.

“Actually that’s… not a bad idea at all. I suppose we have been a little busy lately...” He took note of what you were planning, and thought that a break could be good for him and his friends. “YEAH! Totally! I’m gonna invite Hitoshi! And Mina, and Tooru, and Denki, Fumikage, Yuga, Tsu, Momo, Eijirou, Hanta…” You listed off a few people you planned to invite since those were the ones you felt oddly closest to. It was a pretty big group but hey they could pay for their own tickets right? Besides the more the merrier!

“I think they’ll really like that (Y/N)-chan.” He thought outloud as the two of you walked out of the place together and headed towards the dorms, unaware that a furious Bakugou overheard EVERYTHING.

You were inviting THOSE losers to see a fucking movie but not him?! What the hell?! Now you were full-on ghosting him?!

That’s what it certainly felt like as he discreetly followed you and the damn nerd back to the dorms and you cheerfully skipped over to your room to get some good clothes on and get your things altogether so you could prepare for the upcoming time-slot at 6. You still had 2 hours but you liked to be ready before then.

And you quickly started to text to your friends.

‘Hey Toshi, let’s go see Zombieland 2! I hear it’s really good so lets go C it bro!’

You texted Shinsou first though since he was the other friend you considered your closest.

‘Sure. Liked the first one, looking forward to this one.’

He quickly texted you back and was certainly up for it as you grinned and decided to tease him just a little bit. ‘HOORAY! And it’s a movie made just for you!’

‘HAHAHA YOU’RE SO FUNNY’

His text was very sarcastic but just as playful as yours as you snickered a little bit before you started sending the other texts to your friends.

‘LET’S GO SEE ZOMBIELAND 2 YA’LL. We need break, let’s go laugh it up at the movies!’

Was the text you sent via group messaging to Mina, Hagakure, Kaminari, Tokoyami, Aoyama, Tsuyu, Yaoyorozu, Kirishima and Sero. And you were met with numerous replies.

‘YEAH! I LOVED THE FIRST ONE!!’

‘Oooh I’m so excited for the sequel!’

‘Oh yeah! Now that’s an idea (Y/N)! Let’s nut up or shut up!’

‘I will never turn down an offer to see a zombie movie.’

‘Yes~. The first one was amazing, the second will be just as good~.’

‘I did like the first one, I’d like to see the second one too so that sounds like it would be fun (Y/N)-chan.’

‘Oh that comedy horror movie? Sure! The first one you showed me was good!’

‘OH HELL YES! I love that movie! It’s a yes (Y/N)! Thank you! I’m so up for that!’

‘Sure! I freaking loved the first one, dunno how this one’ll do without Bill Murray tho.’

You snickered at someone of their replies, finding many of them cute and funny at the same time. Looks like you had a party to go see this movie with, and you couldn’t be happier. You really needed this, since the past months hadn’t been easy since you were admittedly still getting over Bakugou. And you thought about what All-Might said, how you had to believe that you were beautiful and that you deserved love.

Of course, you still had a hard time believing that because it wasn’t just something you could drill into yourself and expect it to stay there, but at the same time you made sure to keep reminding yourself that and set your inner saboteur at bay. While at the same time, trying to not let what Bakugou told you dictate how you saw yourself.

You loved Bakugou, you really did, but he was mean to you, even though you knew what you were getting into, it ended up hurting you more than you ever thought it would when he just kept saying things that hurt and got into arguments with you whenever you wanted him to just spend a little time with him. He hurt you, and it was something you couldn’t quite just let go of, even though you weren’t exactly upset at him anymore, part of you still was.

And the love you still had for him didn’t leave you, but you kind of hated him too for being such a jerk to you, to Izuku and to Shinsou too for that matter. You hated him and you hated all the terrible things he said to you, because his remarks made you realize that no, you didn’t deserve any of that. Sure, you knew that maybe he really did love you at one point, because he kept trying to apologize so that meant he had to have still loved you right?

Or was it just his pride trying to win you back so he didn’t feel like a loser? You weren’t so sure, but deep down you knew that he did love you and did it because maybe he did feel really bad for what he said.

Dammit you wanted to hate him, but dammit you fucking loved him too. And damn, dammit it wasn’t good for you. You couldn’t just take him back after all of that, but you would at least know that he wasn’t a bad guy, he did have a heart, and that he did love you, and you loved him too…

But you didn’t deserve to have him treat you the way you did either. You loved him, but you were learning how to love yourself too.

You sighed as you got in your clothes and got everything you’d need from your wallet to your purse as you left your room. Making your way to the common room to hang about until it was a good time to leave.

“So Zombieland 2 huh?” Shinsou surprised you by suddenly speaking and popping up right behind you as you let out a shriek and jumped. Dammit he really was like a cat after he started training more. Hell he was so good you didn’t even detect that he was there since he was like a ninja learning how to subdue any obvious aura that you could sense.

“Good God man you’re going to need to start wearing a bell or something!” You whined a little bit as he couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at your expense and the light flush on your cheeks.

“But yes… Zombieland 2… Double Tap. What the fuck am I right? I looooves me some zombie movies! Add a little comedy to it and you get one hell of a flick!” However, you went from surprised to cheerful as you happily shook your firsts in giddy anticipation.

“Heh… yeah you got a point. The first one set the bar… might as well see if these guys still got it after 10 years…” He thought outloud as you gave him a nod and a thumbs up. “It was actually my first rated R movie.” Shinsou then decided to share as you perked up a bit with a gasp. “For reals?”

He smiled and nodded as a grin came to your lips, “Nice… that’s a good start to the world of R rated movies. I’ve been watching so many R rated movies at a young age I forgot my first one…” You KINDA bragged but you weren’t lying, you’d gotten into R rated movies at a pretty early age, but Shinsou was actually somewhat impressed as he gave you a smirk.

“Oh yeah? You’re not the only one… I just have a better memory.” And he kinda poked fun at you as you laughed and playfully smacked his shoulder. “I’ll give you that…” Still you decided to own up to that because yes, you didn’t have the best memory unless it came to movie lines, character quirks or memes.

“Well… it’s a good idea, and I’m into it so… I’ll just go put on something that’s… not my uniform.” Shinsou’s smile looked almost coy as he scratched the back of his neck as you smiled back at him, “Take your time, movie don’t start for another hour and a half.” You said as he gave you a polite wave that you happily returned.

Yeah, you couldn’t wait to see the movie now. Especially with Shinsou, Izuku and all the others, they were so great. Shinsou and Izuku were so great… Shinsou was great…

You couldn’t help but think as you made sure you had everything, and some candy you stored away and would sneak into the theaters as you put the treats into the secret pockets of your purse. However, you paused momentarily when you definitely felt someone else’s aura in the room, no one other than Bakugou’s. You knew what his aura felt like, it was always so vibrant, bright and almost hot whenever you came so close as you could always see it flickering and blazing. Only this time, it was subdued, akin to a small candle.

“So you’re going to see that movie huh?” There it was, his low, raspy voice that you had fallen in love as you turned to see him looking so oddly calm. Bakugou wasn’t known for being calm at all, and yet he was here looking strangely cool.

You had to admit, although you kinda wanted to still treat him like garbage you were starting to feel kind of guilty about it too. So you decided to be more civil this time as you smiled, “Let me guess… Denki and Eijirou told you?” You asked politely as he scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Duh. Those two don’t know how to keep their traps shut when they’re excited…”

Maybe you could invite him? You thought, sure he was probably going to turn it down but… no, it probably wasn’t a good idea.

“In their defense, it’s been 10 years since the last one showed. The actors are all kinda old now, and we’re interested to see if they still got that thing ya know? If they can hold a candle to the first one, not sure you remember it but it was hella funny.” You said with a smile, and Bakugou couldn’t help but feel somewhat at ease.

The smile was real and it’s been a LONG time since he’s gotten a smile from you, it almost hurt seeing you smile because he remembered the times when you and him were together, you were always smiling. But this time, you and him weren’t together, and yet you were smiling now. Of course, Bakugou wanted you to be happy, but were you happy without him…? He almost didn’t want that… he wanted to be the one to make you smile because he was never, EVER going to say the stupid shit he said ever again.

“I remember.” He said gently and you were KINDA freaking out, was this even the real Bakugou? You were a little concerned, but you knew you shouldn’t have been since the calm aura was still as orange and red as ever, the red drowning away the orange as you saw a flicker of pink in there. Was that love? Or was that guilt? It had to be guilt. You knew Bakugou at his most vulnerable, and you adored that side of him too, but things have been so awkward between you and him that you didn’t know what to do…

You sighed a little bit and nodded as you moved from the refrigerator to go and sit at the couch, “I always thought you were prettiest like this.” But you stopped before you could sit as you perked up at his sudden comment though, and you looked over at him in shock. Did he just say you were pretty?

We'd always go into it blindly I needed to lose you to find me

A chuckle left you, turning into a snicker as you shook your head and you saw more of your Bakugou when he narrowed his eyes at you in annoyance, “How so…? I’m… not really dressed up.”

“Well that’s why!” He raised his voice a bit, and you honestly smiled because now he was kinda back to being himself and being honest. However, he didn’t want to yell at you anymore or make you feel worse so he calmed himself down, “Just regular clothes, no make-up, messy hair… no fake, colorful shit, just your style.” Okay, now you couldn’t be so sure, but dammit he wasn’t lying, it was all in his aura, his tone, and the way he was moving closer to you.

He really was trying, wasn’t he? You wanted to forgive him, you really did, and you were still trying to but… you weren’t ready for that.

“Heh… you’ve got weird taste in girls Katsuki.” You were still self-deprecating, just like you had been in your relationship, but Bakugou always made you feel better about it, and told you that you WERE beautiful and how you never ceased to turn him on.

Only this time, the words he said to you came back, and the things you told yourself came back and reminded you that no, you couldn’t fall back into his arms. No matter how close he got as he slowly came behind you. “Stop saying shit about yourself like that… you’re beautiful…”

God you loved the warmth that radiated from his powerful physique as his arms came around you, a shudder going down your spine at the familiar feeling. No, no, no you weren’t going to fall back into his arms, dammit… you couldn’t…

It was a pleasurable torture when he put his arms around your plump waist as he caressed your sides, and gave you a gentle kiss to the side of your head. Hoping that you could forgive him as you didn’t resist his advances until you decided…

“No.”

You wanted to, but knew that you couldn’t right now as you grabbed his hands to pry them off of you, “No Katsuki, no, no…” Shaking your head, you were surprised that you managed to get his hands off you as you heard a low growl resonate in his throat as he gave you a soft glare, but he knew that… he couldn’t do anything because you said ‘no’. And Bakugou was taught very early on by his bitch mom that no meant no…

“Sorry I just… I don’t… I’m not... I can’t do that…” You shook your hand and raised a hand as you averted his gaze and instead you went back to go and maybe get other things from your room, but the truth was you just wanted to escape this awkwardness, it was too much for you. And frankly you were terrified of falling back into his arms again…

This dancing was killing me softly I needed to hate you to love me, yeah...

Bakugou accepted that you said no but he was pissed off as he clenched his fists and trembled with hurt and rage. For a moment he almost thought you were doing this on purpose, and pushing him away for good. Why didn’t you forgive him? He apologized (a lot), he’d been trying so hard to apologize and take back everything he said to you.

Grinding his teeth, and barely holding it in, he angrily marched over to take out a minuscule of this fury on the nearby dishes on the table and shoved them off as they loudly shattered and cracked upon making impact with the floor.

“DAMMIT!!”

He finally shouted with all the pent-up frustration, his booming voice drowning out the shattering glass as you gasped and backed away in slight shock and fear at his sudden outburst.

"How fucking long are you going to punish me (Y/N)?! HOW FUCKING LONG?! ARE YOU REALLY STILL PISSED OFF OVER SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED MONTHS AGO?!”

This reminded you of something you saw in a movie, he was so pissed and even yelling at you and honestly it did scare you, but Bakugou wouldn’t hurt you. Physically at least, you knew that much, but you weren’t going to back down

“Of COURSE, I’m still kind of pissed off! And for the record I am NOT punishing you, you narcissistic asshole, I’m TRYING to think about how I should forgive you for the things you swore to NEVER call me! Or if I even should forgive you! W-What? You want me to j-ju-ju-just… make out with you like its old times?!” You exclaimed with the same vexation that you had been keeping at bay ever since the two of you broke up, not seeing Bakugou’s narrowing eyes and shaking figure as he seethed when you once again, reminded him of the big mistake he made with you.

“I... I mean I... I can’t even look at your face Katsuki! Without… thinking about and hearing the words you said to me and the expression of anger and disgust on your face when you said that I was just some fat pig who was wasting your time!” Emotion nearly choked you up as you wiped your eyes when tears started to cloud them and you couldn’t see just how aggravated and distressed Bakugo was as he clutched his hair out of frustration.

“I FUCKED UP!! How many times do I have to say that I fucked up?! How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?!”

Throwing his hands up, he shouted that he had indeed screwed up, louder than before, frustrated with everything, with you, with himself, with the fucking guilt that just started eating away at him again.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me, yeah...

“You can say you’re sorry all you want! I just… I can’t ignore the fact that you would stoop so low to say the same things the people YOU protected me from would say to me. Why did you do that?” You had to ask, even though you were still mad as hell.

“ARGH! Dammit! I don’t fucking know! I was pissed off! I had shit I was dealing with and I took it out on you but I shouldn’t have! I admit it!” Bakugou wasn’t denying it anymore, he knew he royally screwed up and that he couldn’t use his anger as an excuse for it, but you still weren’t having it.

“Oh. Oh so that’s what I am huh? Something for you take it all out on? Well your bad temper is not an excuse Katsuki and I’m done listening to you use that as your excuse for almost everything… you can’t even put it aside to think about me or how that must have seriously hurt me. Did you ever even think about how I felt during those times? Did you ever stop to put yourself in my shoes? Did you ever feel awful and useless when you couldn’t make your partner happy? Or... d-did, did you ever dread going to school because people were going to comment about the way you look? Did you go home feeling horrible about yourself because people called you ugly and fat? Did you spend nights crying all by yourself, bored and alone and feeling like you were going to be alone for the rest of your life because everyone else made you feel so worthless? Did you ever feel like maybe it was your own fault? Did you ever think that you had to have been the worst partner ever because it seemed that no matter what you did, you couldn’t get your partner to spend time with you? Did you ever feel like maybe you really were worthless because you felt like you just couldn’t do anything right and then spend every day hating yourself?!”

You barraged him with all of these questions that broke his heart as he hated the emotions swimming in his furious crimson eyes but that’s not what you were talking about as you glared at him with hurt, darkening red aura barely visibly radiating from you. He couldn’t even say anything because deep down, he knew that he was probably one of those people now after you broke up with him because of what he said…

“I just… god… here’s my real question… why are you such a fucking asshole to me?” That’s the real question you wanted to ask him, and Bakugou couldn’t help but look shocked, confused but even more pissed off than before. He was an asshole to everyone, but you were hellbent on this little spat because of what he said, that was it wasn’t it? You were still mad because of something he said…

“For God’s sake I said I was sorry for what I said all right?! I’ve said it a million goddamn times! I’m SORRY (Y/N)! I didn’t mean what I said to you! I want to take it all back because it was the worst fucking thing I could have ever said to anyone! Especially you!” He shouted his apology, the angry tears threatening to spill but you shook your head at this.

“I’m not talking about what you said, I’m talking about everything! Ever since we got together you’ve still managed to treat me like shit! Even before we got together you still treated me like shit, and yet it got worse when we became a thing! You hardly spent anytime with me, pushed me away when I tried to help you, made fun of what I liked, insulted me and called me other names for what? Cuz I’m a geek like Izuku, cuz I like geeky things and like to watch TV and eat sweets and say dumb puns and hang out with Izuku and Hitoshi, well I’m sick of it Katsuki! I’m fucking sick of it!”

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me…

You didn’t realize the tears dripping down your chin, or the sudden wave of blue aura that your sadness triggered and emitted from your form and rushed towards anyone in the vicinity as Bakugou cringed as the tears automatically streamed down his face in response to your quirk. Damn your quirk… but he’d be lying if he said that it wasn’t just your quirk making him cry…

Neither of you noticed that some of your classmates Izuku, Shinsou, Kirishima and Hagakure instantly backed away from being seen by you or Bakugou. They heard the screaming, and they were hella uncomfortable as they gasped quietly when your quirk hit them and immediately brought tears to their eyes as Izuku and Kirishima covered their mouths as huge tears well and dripped down their faces and made them quietly cry. Shinsou shut his eyes tightly when he felt your quirk make unwanted tears pool in his eyes as he tried so hard to blink them away but couldn’t stop some from falling. Hagakure on the other hand whimpered and had to keep her mouth shut though the boys couldn’t see anything other than moisture streaming down her invisible face.

She didn’t focus on them though, instead she was just thanking the gods for making her invisible because hearing two people scream at each other was scary…

However, the screaming died down once Bakugou heard you out, and apparently everything else that became clearer to him the more you said it. He knew he wasn’t hardly a good boyfriend, aside from the more intimate times you and he shared but it couldn’t make up the bad times either. Hell, even he knew he was a pretty shitty boyfriend, but now he felt like he’d been a really shitty boyfriend after you finally said all of it. All the shitty things he’d done before and after your relationship…

You sighed, closing your eyes as you looked away from him and didn’t see the look on his face. Remorse, shame and subdued fury all etched throughout his features as he furiously wiped his face to get rid of the tears he couldn’t stop. He wanted to comfort you, but he was the one who hurt you, and now he was hurting too, all of the hurt that he caused you to feel.

You promised the world and I fell for it I put you first and you adored it...

“I’m just… I’m going to go now… sorry I just… I have to go…” But you didn’t want to be around him right now, you had a movie to go see with your friends. And the worst part is he was letting you, he wanted to follow you and just keep saying that yes, he was an asshole to you and that he just wants to take it all back so you could forgive him.

Dammit why the fuck wasn’t he moving?! Why the fuck wasn’t he saying anything?!

All Bakugou could do was stand there, stunned in silence and growling quietly, rubbing at his tearful eyes more harshly as he watched you go. No, he couldn’t just leave it like this, it couldn’t end like this right?

No it wasn’t, he couldn’t just let it end like this, but he couldn’t bother you right now, he knew that much at least no matter how much he just wanted to go with you so he could at least be close to you after spending these past few months alone.

Yet he’d be kind enough to let you go with your friends as you spent the next hour just preparing yourself and drying your tears so you could go to everyone and say that you were okay. But of course, you weren’t okay, they knew that all too well.

Even Shinsou and Izuku held their tongues when they were all leaving with the motley crew of classmates that often didn’t hang together but were nonetheless friendly with each other.

“Ya all right there girl?”

“Is there anything you need (Y/N)?”

“I’m okay… honestly guys.” Kaminari and Kirishima were the first to ask if you were okay. “He didn’t say anything mean again did he?” Kirishima made sure to ask about Bakugou though, sure he was practically his best friend but even he wasn’t standing by him after the things he said to you. What he said was NOT cool, did he give him emotional support? Definitely, he’s the one who even told him that he should apologize to you, but he was sad that it didn’t seem to work.

However, he knew you weren’t obligated to forgive Bakugou, no matter how much everyone wanted to see a happy ending for you both.

“No one would blame you if you didn’t forgive him (Y/N). What he said was pretty cruel given you guys’ history together.” Tsuyu spoke what she thought, but she at least hoped nobody would. Some might have thought you were being unreasonable and unforgiving but Tsuyu wasn’t going to blame you if you didn’t take him back.

“She’s right. Or at least… they shouldn’t blame you. Although… I at least hope the two of you can reach better terms…” Yaoyorozu had a BIT more compassion though and sincerely hoped the best for you both and you couldn’t help but smile because that’s exactly what you wanted to.

While you and Bakugou didn’t have a pleasant conversation, you did want to at least go back to him later and say that it’d be great if you and he could at least be friends.

“I do too Momo… thanks Tsu. Thanks you guys… I’m still working on the forgiveness part but for now… I do want to get on better terms with him at least.” You smiled sadly at your sympathetic friends who all gave their nods and smiles of agreement as they seemed to approve.

“The decision is yours (L/N). There’s no obligation for you to return.”

“Yeah like, if it wasn’t healthy then you shouldn’t go back to it… sure sometimes toxic relationships can be cleansed but… Bakugou’s got his own stuff to work on too.”

Despite their less than stellar grades in school, Tokoyami and Sero were wise in their own ways, as what they said made you feel better and it made a lot of sense. And you appreciated the hell out of them for that.

“That’s right!”

“Uh huh! We’re with you with whatever choice you make too!”

“Of course my friend~.”

And it helped when Mina, Hagakure and Aoyama backed you up by giving the same endless support they had been giving you for months as you couldn’t help but tear up and laugh. “Dammit you guys… thanks… but please… enough with the mushy stuff I don’t wanna get all emotional again…” Your amused tone earned smiles and small laughs from your dear friends as Shinsou and Izuku stood by you.

“Sure… you’ve probably had enough of that huh?” Shinsou knew it’s been an emotional roller coaster for you, and he was certain that you could only handle so much mushy gushiness. “Y-Yeah… but I appreciate it… shows how much ya’ll care about me.” You had to admit that though, you loved how much all of your friends had done so much to help you.

“Anything for you (Y/N)-chan.” Izuku gave you one of his sweet smiles that you found irresistible as you smiled back at him. Something about him always made you feel so cared for; he was a good guy. He and Shinsou were such good guys.

They made you remember to actually love yourself too. They certainly loved you, and the rest of your friends loved you too. And you were starting to love yourself a little bit more too.

“Wait! There’s like 10 of us! How are… are you paying for all of us…?”

You snickered and couldn’t be happier to hear Kaminari’s comical but logical question as it broke the ice and lightened the mood. “Oh actually I also invited Shouto!” And you suddenly announced that, grinning as soon as you saw the dual-haired boy coming your way with a small smile as he watched you wave.

“Hey Shouto~!” You greeted him cheerfully as he joined in with your group.

“Hello (L/N). Hello Midoriya.” He returned the greeting politely, still giving you one of those rare little smiles that you were happy to see.

“Todoroki! (Y/N)-chan invited you too?” Izuku was especially elated to see his friend there, albeit he was surprised since you waited til the last minute to invite the fire and ice user. “Yes. She showed me the first one last week, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Now I’m interested to see how this second one will go.” Todoroki’s been slowly converted to your way of pop culture as you introduced him to several films like Disney and Marvel, but especially classic old movies like The Breakfast Club, Jennifer’s Body and Zombieland of course.

“Yeah you go bro! That’s my dude!” You were ecstatic that he was willing to come along though, and it showed. “Besides… I was able to take 10000 yen from my old man’s wallet so everything is on me.” His smile turned into a small smirk as you gasped and laughed, clapping your hands happily.

“YES! That’s my Shouto! Rebelling against daddy~!!”

Okay, maybe you kinda gave him that idea since you didn’t have a lot of money yourself, but Todoroki did, and he was more than happy to pay for you and his friends especially since it was so accessible thanks to his bitch father.

“All right~! Let’s go~!!” You exclaimed cheerfully, throwing a fist in the air as you lit up a bright, cheerful pink aura that radiated throughout your friends which made them all perk up a bit as they felt your happiness and were just as excited as you were now.

“YEAH!”

“ZOMBIELAND~!!”

“WHOO-HOO! DOUBLE TAP!!”

“CARDIO~!”

Kirishima, Mina, Sero and Kaminari were especially excited as they were your more extroverted friends, but everyone was smiling along with you as they gladly followed you to the movie theater to see this long-awaited sequel of the first beloved movie.

Everyone was happy. You were happy too, you were especially happy now despite what happened with you and Bakugou.

The same unfortunately could not be said for Bakugou, who was far from happy, but he was glad that you were at least happy. He just wishes that he could have been happy with you, and that he could make you happy.

But he didn’t make you happy anymore.

2 HOURS LATER

“That was fucking INCREDIBLE!!” You exited the theater EXTREMELY happy and almost wishing the movie didn’t end because Zombieland 2 was THAT good a movie and you were SO happy that you got to see it with all your friends. You SWORE you heard Todoroki laugh too, so that was something you were never forgetting.

“I KNOW! HA! Not bad for 10 years later!”

“I freaking loved Madison!”

“I did too! She was the funniest one!”

“Oh yeah, she was pretty much the best part of the movie.”

“Hell yeah! She was really sweet too, I liked her! She was tons of fun!”

Naturally, the Bakusquad (plus Hagakure) was as cheerful as ever as they all loved the movie they just saw, and were extremely happy that they took up your offer today, because it was money well spent. Well, Todoroki’s money but still!

He thought so too, he rather liked the sequel and found it amusing, he actually smiled and tried to not laugh at some of the dumber things that Madison girl said during the movie. “I agree, it was… amusing. I see why you go here often (Y/N).” Todoroki made sure to compliment you though, he wasn’t the best with emotions but he knew you had been kinda unhappy lately so he tried to be kinder to you.

“Thanks Shouto! I know right?! It was AWESOME! I’m SO glad I decided to just come over here~. It gets an A+ from me~.”

“One of the rare moments where the sequel is just as good as the first movie, if not better.” Tokoyami even pointed out something you highly agreed with because it was THAT good. “Exactly! You don’t get that with every movie… sequels tend to suck…”

“The new additions were good ones too, sometimes adding new characters is actually what kills the movie. Not for this one.” And Tsuyu gave her input that almost everyone here agreed with, but couldn’t choose a new favorite.

“My favorite is that Madison girl~. She knew how to dress and be the cute one~.” Aoyama had his favorite, but everyone near unanimously agreed that she was the funniest one. “But she knew how to survive too for all those years.” But Yaoyorozu pointed out that despite Madison being a cliché dumb blonde character that she STILL survived the zombie apocalypse by herself.

“An excellent point Momo! She ain’t that stupid…” You giggled a little bit alongside your best guyfriends Shinsou and Izuku. “No she was actually… oddly smart… kinda like you.” But Shinsou poked a bit of fun at you as you laughed and slapped him on his shoulder playfully. “SHUT UP TOSHI! NO… I’m not that thick I’m smart too!” You exclaimed but cheerfully as he tried his hardest to not snicker or grin at you.

“You are smart (Y/N)-chan… coming here to see this movie was smart, I liked it, I liked it a lot! It was actually better than the first one.” Izuku was the sweetheart though as he gave you a bit of a sweeter compliment, much to Shinsou’s slight annoyance.

“Thank you Izuku~.” You sang-songed cheerfully as you beamed at the blushing boy who instantly turned bashful at your smile, much to MORE of Shinsou’s annoyance. Always trying to be the ball of sunshine that guy…

However, all that mattered is that you were ecstatic and everyone else clearly had a good time and loved the hell out of the movie. And you were smiling again, Shinsou hadn’t seen you smile as much as normal so seeing you smile the way you were was very nice.

You were smiling the entire time you went back to the dorms, just laughing with your friends and re-quoting the funnier lines from the movie and discussing some of the funniest parts until all of you had to go your separate ways and return to your rooms. Especially when other classmates came into view, you didn’t wanna spoil it for anyone after all.

“Hehe… well guys I think I’m just gonna stay up a couple of more hours and go to sleep or at least try to.” You said to your friends as they each smiled and nodded before they all said ‘okay!’ ‘sure’ and ‘that’s a good idea, good night to you (Y/N)’ and you made sure to happily return the polite ‘good night’ back to them.

Now it was just you and Izuku and Shinsou, you were still just happily chatting to them, but that’s when Bakugou decided enough was enough. He heard all of the other idiots just laughing and talking about a movie he hadn’t seen it yet and now some of it was fucking spoiled for him but that’s not what mattered right now. What mattered is that he didn’t like the way he left things with you a couple of hours ago, and now he had to talk to you again.

“I’m telling you, I could totally make Zombie kill of the week if we were in the Zombie apocalypse.” You were trying to brag to Izuku and Shinsou who were just chuckling at your enthusiasm.

“That would require some elaborate way of killing them, some people get really creative with that…”

“Oh yeah? You don’t even know how to use some weapons (Y/N)…”

Izuku had more hope in you, Shinsou was just playing with you though and God Bakugou fucking hated it, especially when you laughed with them.

“Oi. Deku, Eyebags, get the fuck out of here.” Before you could reply Bakugou suddenly made his appearance and immediately told the two guys to get out, “Ah! K-Kacchan I uh…” Izuku knew how jealous Bakugou could get though and his first instinct was to try and reassure him that he wasn’t trying anything with you or anything.

“Beat it you damn nerd!” But Bakugou didn’t wanna hear him and a very scared Izuku quickly rushed out with a very frightened ‘Okay!’ as your smile instantly turned into a frown as he forced your friend out, but Shinsou wasn’t budging at least.

“Get lost Eye-bags, I need to talk to (Y/N). ALONE.” He roughly demanded the brainwasher to leave, but Shinsou had his arms crossed and stood where he was.

“I’ll go when I want to.” He shook his head and refused to leave even though Bakugou was only getting madder when Shinsou dared to tell him ‘no’, but you didn’t want there to be a fight so you raised your hand.

Set fires to my forest And you let it burn Sang off-key in my chorus...

“It’s okay Hitoshi… you don’t wanna be here… me and Katsuki DO have to talk and I’d rather you not be around to see it so… it’s okay…” You gently convinced him to leave you and your ex be for the time being and although reluctant, Shinsou sighed and complied. He knew you knew what you were doing so he got up to go, not before whispering a ‘see ya later’ as he left and he and Bakugou exchanged glares as he walked away.

You didn’t approve of how he just broke you and your friends up from a fun conversation, but you supposed that this had to be done since you and he didn’t really leave on a good note earlier today, or this morning.

No more fighting. You were done with it, you just wanted to stop fighting with him.

Except… it was easier said than done. The two of you stood in the living room for what felt like forever because none of you could find the words to say and it was beyond uncomfortable. “So… did… Kirishima and Kaminari already spoil the movie for you?” You decided to ask a lighthearted question and Bakugou ALMOST snickered.

“Yes… I’m going to kill those morons…” He didn’t really mean it but he knew how much you enjoyed those two movies and he really, just really wanted to see it with you since he loved seeing the first one with you even though back then he pretended like he thought it was stupid. But no, he liked it, and now some of it was spoiled for him. Maybe he’d go see it with you again since he knew you never minded seeing another movie twice.

“Hehe… well… it was good so… if you ever feel like seeing it, I recommend it.” You said gently with a little smile as Bakugou leered at you.

“What I want… is to just say I’m sorry for… being such a fucking asshole to you, for being the worst fucking boyfriend and… everything… I’m... I’m sorry (Y/N)... I’m so fucking sorry everything, I can’t say how sorry I am...” Bakugou shamefully blushed as he apologized to you because he was never good at doing that. Hell, he very rarely said the word ‘sorry’ at all, but lately he’d been using that more and more when it came to you after he realized just how terrible a boyfriend and friend he had been to you.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to hate you to love me, yeah

You were shocked but also touched that he was doing this for you, you knew how hard it was for him to apologize so you were touched and kind of happy. “Thanks Katsuki… it’s… okay… I think I’ve been mad at you long enough so… it’s okay… we’re okay.” You gave him a smile that actually gave him hope as his eyes slowly widened.

“We are…?” Bakugou asked you somewhat nervously, because he started to see some doubt in your eyes as you sighed, “Yes… we are okay but… not… in the way you think…” His heart was racing, but it wasn’t from excitement because you didn’t look like you were happy.

“Look… Katsuki… I mean you no ill will. I still care about you, and I still love you but… I really, really don’t think you’re a good boyfriend…” You said a little bluntly but made your voice soften as he gasped quietly.

“You’re not a bad person… but you’re not a good boyfriend either… and I don’t really think that I can really return to a relationship like that… sorry…” Sighing heavily you finally did it, you told him that you didn’t want to go back to the relationship but seeing his expression broke your heart.

“I know I wasn’t! But… look just… dammit (Y/N) I’m not going to say any of that shit to you ever again! I won’t fuck up like I did last time I swear!” He sounded desperate, as if he was pleading to you as he moved closer and you fought the tears starting to build in your eyes when he grabbed your hands. He would beg if he had to, he just couldn’t lose you.

“I love you.”

He said calmly and yet sincerely, out of pure impulse but that’s what he truly meant. He loved you and he just wanted to hear you say the words back to him. He knew you did…

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me...

“See that’s just it… I know you love me… I love you too… but… I thought you loving me was enough, at least… until… you said the things you did… now I know you’re sorry... and I don’t doubt that you do love me but… I started hating myself again when you said those things and it made me realize that... I need to love me too, I need to start loving myself… and I didn’t love myself when I was with you. I let you do that for me, and… I can’t do that anymore. It’s not fair to you, and not good for me.” You loved him, you truly did love him but at the same time you needed to give yourself time before you could go back into a relationship, especially with him.

Bakugou was an extremely flawed person and although he was honest and you believed every word he said, you didn’t think it was a good time to go back to him.

And he knew it, but it didn’t stop the tears from coming but he stubbornly willed them back as he swallowed hard. He tried so hard and he wasn’t giving up yet, but he knew that you didn’t want to get back together with him. Worse, he made you hate yourself for a moment because of what he said and what he had done to you too, so… maybe you were better off without him. He’d rather you love yourself first because you were the best thing he’d ever had.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah

“Fine then…” He tried to sound bitter, but he was just miserable and he did understand even if he was really hurt right now and knew that this was nobody’s fault but his. “I don’t fucking deserve you anyway… you’re… too good for me…” Bakugou muttered as he forced back all the emotion until he felt you kiss him suddenly on the cheek, making him gasp a bit.

“It’s okay… we all make mistakes. We’re human, that’s what we do. So… don’t beat yourself up.” You said to reassure him although it didn’t make him feel any better as he pulled you into a sudden, tight hug as you closed your tearful eyes and hugged him back, feeling his tears on your shoulder as your arms tightened around him so you and he could savor each other’s warmth just one more time

Neither of you truly wanted to pull away, it was almost too painful but you knew that it was for the best. You had started learning how to love yourself more, and you had to put yourself first more, and he knew that. And Bakugou also knew that he needed to work on himself too, and maybe he’d be a better boyfriend to you someday.

And now the chapter is closed and done To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah..

“Good night Katsuki.” You said quietly to him as you pulled away with misty (E/C) eyes as he glumly looked at you, cupping his cheeks to wipe the tears away from his red eyes.

“Good night (Y/N).” He said as calmly as possible, and refused to cry in front of you (again) as he watched you slowly walk away. The two of you shared a small wave before you turned away, inhaling and exhaling deeply as you walked away for good.

You and Bakugou would at least be friends, and that was good enough for both you and him, even if he did rush over to his room to sob into his bed afterwards now that he had officially lost you.

He loved you, he still loved you...

You loved him too, you still loved him, but you needed to love yourself too. Even if it meant losing him.

And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us...

1K notes · View notes

entitynumber5 · 4 years ago

Text

hurt never meant

Chapter 1: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29723250/chapters/73101963

Summary: Jon and Martin enter a battle of wits regarding the hiding of injuries.

Content warnings: paranoia, blood, injury, canon-typical worm mentions, descriptions of wounds and scars, stitches, needles, internalised ableism, swearing, arguments, toxic work environment, nausea, food mention.

It was very fun to write Martin being petty and stubborn but my god, having Not!Sasha in this fic was PAINFUL!!!!!! Hopefully the second chapter will be finished soon. Full text below the line. I hope everyone’s having a great day <3

The Tube is choking with artificial heat, pumped unregulated through the vents so that inside in late November, cocooned in coats, the passengers shift and sweat and mumble in discomfort. Martin tries to remember the mundane cycle of complaints and platitudes he follows in circles every morning: the air is drying out my contact lenses. At least it’s not summer. I wish I wasn’t wearing a coat. You’ll be grateful when you get outside.

Each circle is broken, just before he completes it and begins again, by the sensation of heat crawling beneath his skin, a tingling upwards motion. It ripples across his face, inducing a drowsiness like fingers dragging his eyes closed, before the prickling across his scalp sends him spiralling into discomfort once again.

He tries to force himself back to his commuter’s hymn, but the heat feels internal, spreading outwards as if attempting to meet the warm air of the Tube. It’s different from the normal unpleasantness. It’s too distracting. He shifts his weight between bursts of dizziness—he gave up his seat three stops ago for a person with a tiny baby strapped to them, and now he is squeezed against the door by the passengers who have joined him since—and a fresh wave of stars burst across his vision at the sharp slice of pain through his left foot.

Martin clings tighter to the bar as the pain wraps around his ankle and flares up the outside of his calf. For a moment, he thinks his whole leg might collapse beneath him and he is almost grateful for the way they are all shoulder-to-shoulder in the compartment.

Perhaps he should have called Rosie and told her. But a deep-rooted part of him cannot bear to take time off, remembers the times he had dragged himself to work feeling much worse—smiling from behind the till even during a bout of flu that made his entire body ache, carrying plants to cars at the garden centre a few days after he dislocated his shoulder helping his mother up after a fall. At least, at the Institute, he has a desk and a chair and very few opportunities for heavy lifting. Given time to take some weight off the injury before lunch, he is sure no one will even notice. And by tomorrow, he will be fine.

The next stop is his. Outside, the cold air takes some of the unbearable flush from his cheeks and he walks the rest of the journey with his coat open to counteract the heat of the train. He resolutely ignores the throbbing in his left leg as he joins of the parade of commuters, bustling in tandem along narrow pavements. The Institute isn’t far.

Martin fights the instinct to immediately make Jon a cup of tea. He knows it takes Jon a while to warm up to him each day, withdrawn and nearly always absent in the mornings. By the afternoon, Jon is slightly more receptive after enough time co-existing without incident, slightly more willing to drink the tea offered to him even if he always smells it beforehand. Morning tea is fed to the plants; afternoon tea, Jon tolerates.

He should stop by the staff room, anyway. The first aid kit inside is well-stocked. He knows this because he did it himself, spreading the task out with extensive research on the empty, boring workdays before Jon and Tim had returned from their leave. There are painkillers inside and the sort of durable bandages Martin doesn’t have at home. But the urge to sit down drags him past the door and straight to his desk.

“Morning, Sasha,” Martin says, supressing a loud exhale of relief when he lowers himself into his desk chair.

Sasha glances up distractedly from her computer and pulls out one of her earbuds. “What was that, Martin?”

Martin tries to fight an unfamiliar nervousness, an old friend from his early days in the Archives where he wasn’t sure where he stood with Tim and Sasha. “I was just saying good morning.”

“Of course.” Sasha smiles, although her expression is blank, almost cold. “Good morning to you, too.”

Martin gives her a tight-lipped smile in return. Sasha pops the earbud back in and returns to whatever work she is doing on the computer. He wonders if she can hear the noise of the repeated error notification over her music, wonders what she is doing to make the computer so combative.

Before Prentiss, he has a vague memory of there being a radio on Sasha’s desk. She wouldn’t turn it on everyday—sometimes, she could only get work done if she was wearing noise-cancelled headphones—but whenever she did, she and Tim would sing along to cheesy ’80s hits. He thinks he remembers them dancing together, the middle of the open plan office becoming a makeshift dance floor, but he cannot hold the entire picture in his mind. It’s like a reverse polaroid, fading out of view rather than in. Perhaps he only dreamt it.

He shakes himself out of the fuzziness filling his mind and tries to focus on checking his emails. He left leg throbs dully beneath his desk, but the pain becomes peripheral as each email dredges up the irritation he tries to avoid indulging on weekends. Elias has sent a motivational Monday email about the importance of teamwork and rallying together, especially after a difficult few months for all of us. Rosie has forwarded a fundraising form from his old supervisor in the library, who is apparently raising money for Dementia UK. He tries not to think about how difficult it had been to explain to the aforementioned supervisor why he needed time off to help his mother settle into the care home in Devon. And there is no email at all from Tim, who has stopped bothering to even send his apologies for being late with each new blow to his and Jon’s relationship.

“Martin.” Jon’s voice, slightly raised to catch his attention.

Martin looks up. Jon’s door is open just a crack. Before he can reply, Jon adds stiffly: “My office. Five minutes.” And then he closes his office door firmly once again.

Martin resists the urge to groan and lower his head to his desk. While he’s glad that telling Jon about his faked CV seems to have been a small but significant turning point, he isn’t sure he can manage another complicated conversation dredging up old anxieties today. He doesn’t want to reveal each shameful, painful secret he has in a futile attempt to make Jon trust him.

He can’t concentrate for the next five minutes. He alternates between watching the second hand on the clock across the office and refreshing his emails. He resigns himself to giving a fiver to the library fundraiser and eating the leftover takeaway in the fridge for lunch rather than getting a meal deal. He tries not to think about where Tim might be or what sort of mood he will be in when he finally arrives.

As soon as five minutes have passed, Martin stands. But with his stomach twisting in anxiety and his thoughts spiralling, he has managed to relegate the pain in his leg to the bottom of his mental priority list. Now that he’s standing, it’s demanding first place again. He has to grab the edge of his desk, almost sending his nearly-dead office plant and pot of pens flying across the floor. His monitor, still displaying emails, wobbles dangerously with the desk. He stands completely still for a moment, trying to breathe around the wave of nausea induced by the pain.

The prickling hotness is back. He hopes his face isn’t red when he finally plucks up the courage—and energy—to knock on the door of Jon’s office. It wouldn’t be the first time, he supposes. No matter how hard he tries, he finds himself blushing quite often whenever it is just him and Jon in the latter’s office.

“Come in,” Jon mumbles from behind the door.

Martin creaks open the door carefully and steps inside, trying very hard to make himself smaller, non-threatening. Jon sits behind his desk, staring at his computer screen. He doesn’t look away, but he waves Martin into the spare chair opposite him.

Martin has a feeling that sitting down would be a dangerous decision. He clears his throat. “Actually, I’ll—I’ll stand, if you don’t mind.”

This finally draws Jon’s eyes away from his monitor. “Alright. Although I can assure you that, unlike some of its brethren in Artefact Storage, that chair doesn’t bite.”

Martin tries to smile. Jon has been doing this more since the confrontation and subsequent reveal over his CV—trying to make jokes, or some approximation. An attempt to diffuse the tension, even when Jon’s body language is nearly always screaming: I see you as a threat.

“I’m sure it doesn’t,” Martin replies, “But I, um—I was just reading this article about the impacts of sitting at a desk.”

“A productive start to your workday, then,” Jon mutters.

“And so I’m gonna try standing up a bit more,” Martin continues, deliberately ignoring Jon’s comment, “Around the office.”

“Around the entire office or my office specifically?”

Martin can feel the irritation—stirred by the emails, deflated initially by Jon’s joke—rising inside of him again. “Does it matter?”

Jon sighs. “I suppose not.”

“So, what did you, um, what did you need from me?” Martin asks, trying not to shift with nerves. He knows it will aggravate his leg.

“Sasha still appears to be having difficulty with her computer, so I was hoping to delegate the task of digitising the disproved statements from 1995 to 2000 to you,” Jon says.

Martin tries not to visibly bristle. Jon has been doing this a lot lately, too—far more frequently, in fact, than the half-formed jokes. He hoards the statements that won’t record digitally, combs them again and again for details rather than delegating this task to any of his Assistants, and only asks for very vague follow-ups.

But Sasha had volunteered to digitise the disproved statements. She said she liked the clear structure it gave to her day, always able to take a full hour for lunch to visit her new boyfriend, and how it led her to different places within the Archives. Besides, she has a transcribing qualification, although she had asked Martin the other day how to insert line numbers into a document. Brain fog, she had explained with that same thin smile.

Martin is quite happy to do whatever minuscule tasks Jon would sporadically trust him with, as long as it meant he had some idea of what Jon was currently putting all of his energy into. He doesn’t want to digitise statements from the ’90s.

“Will that be a problem?” Jon asks after the silence drags on.

“Nope. Not at all,” Martin lies, “It’s just that…”

Jon raises an eyebrow. “Go on.”

“I thought I could perhaps… do some follow-ups on the statements you’ve been reading.”

Jon sighs again. Distractedly, he lifts his left arm, his sleeve rolled up to his elbow, and scratches at the slightly-raw but almost-healed wound along his forearm. The stitches have dissolved, but Martin can see the pink scarring where they were placed across the wound, which is raised in comparison to the flat worm scars surrounding it.

“Don’t scratch it,” Martin tuts, “You’ll reopen the wound.”

“Martin,” Jon replies, exasperated, “It’s almost completely healed.”

“Completely healed? It’s not—it’s never going to be—you needed five stitches!”

“Yes, as you keep reminding me.”

“Because I—” Martin splutters, trying to find the words. “Because I worry about you.”

“Your worry is entirely unnecessary.”

“Is it? Because I think you’ve given me more than enough reasons to be worried about you lately.”

Jon’s jaw twitches angrily, but his expression is level when he forces his eyes to Martin’s. “I didn’t call you in here to have yet another pointless conversation about my mental or physical health.”

“Of course not. You called me in here to…” To do a completely meaningless task because you don’t trust me with anything else. He takes a deep breath and knows he cannot say that. “Digitise the 1995-2000 disproved statements.”

“Well remembered.”

Martin manages not to roll his eyes. “I’ll get started right away.”

Martin turns to leave. The first step is easy. The pain arrives on the second, taking him surprise, a direct strike to his ankle. He stumbles and has to steady himself again, this time against the chair Jon had offered him at the start.

“Martin,” Jon says, a hint of something like surprise—or worry—in his voice. He is half-standing from his own chair when Martin looks over his shoulder at him.

“I’m fine,” Martin insists.

“You’re clearly not fine. Are you injured?”

Martin leans into the chair so he can turn to face Jon again. At this angle, Martin catches only a glimpse of the healing wound where it snakes behind Jon’s wrist. But even with a limited view, the memory of the first time he had seen it grips him.

It had been near the end of the day. Martin went to use the toilet before he headed home, but the moment he was inside, all he could smell was blood. And for a moment, all he could think was the worms, they must have missed some of the worms, where did I last see Tim, oh, god, Jon hasn’t left for the day yet, is Sasha still in the office, the worms, worms again, always worms, it was only a matter of time. It was like walking through the Archives after the siege to give his statement: the musty smell of the worm carcases and the metallic hint of blood beneath. Jon and Tim’s blood.

He had lifted his sleeve to his nose to block out the smell and tried to gather some semblance of calm. The blood was in the sink. One of the bathroom stall doors was closed but not locked, a shadow just visible underneath. When Martin called out a cautious hello, the door creaked open at the behest of the occupant’s foot and Jon stood sheepishly inside, pressing a wad of red-stained tissues against his arm.

“Ah. Hello, Martin,” Jon had said. And then, “Heading home?”

Martin had shouted. He can’t remember what. His voice was always higher than it was loud when he was upset. After that, it had been a blur of the same lies. “I’m fine,” as Martin tried to apply pressure to the wound. “I don’t need stitches,” when Martin insisted on taking him to A&E. “It’s really not that bad,” while the doctor was injecting the anaesthetic and stitching the wound. “Why would I lie, Martin? For the last time, I cut myself on a bread knife,” repeated in the days after, again and again, no matter how much Martin pushed.

“Martin,” Jon says again, interrupting his train of thought, “Are you injured?”

Jon is lying to him. Jon is playing a game. Perhaps unintentional, perhaps well-meant, but nonetheless—two can play and Martin has thrown his hat into the ring. The irritation scratching against his ribcage is replaced with a petty sense of satisfaction.

“I sprained my ankle on the way to work. Tripped while I was getting off the Tube,” Martin tells him, “You know me. Clumsy as anything. It’s nothing serious.”

“Well, it doesn’t look like nothing,” Jon snaps.

“It’s fine.” Martin smiles. “I’m sure it will clear up on its own,” he adds, since Jon had something to that effect to him while bleeding profusely in the bathroom stall.

“Perhaps you shouldn’t be digitising the statements, after all,” Jon murmurs, almost to himself, “Sasha hasn’t yet transferred them to the office and the boxes can be rather heavy.”

“Honestly, Jon, I can manage,” Martin interjects. The satisfaction has faded slightly, replaced with that desperate urge to prove himself, to show he doesn’t need time off work. He won’t go home. And he won’t be a liability while he’s here. “Besides, what else is there for me to do? Unless you want me to follow up on that statement?”

Jon looks down at his desk. A flash of panic crosses his face when he realises the statement folder is open and Martin, at any time, could have read it. He closes it, deliberately slow, as if trying to hide the reason why. “I’m sure I can find you something else to do at your desk.”

Martin knows this has become a different point of pride now. A dangerous point of pride. He doesn’t want Jon to fuss over him. He doesn’t want to be handled. He will do his job as usual and no one will know he is in pain, no one needs to assume he is anything other than fine.

“I’ll digitise the statements,” Martin says, “In fact, I’ll get started right away.”

“Martin, I—”

“I’m fine. Really.”

“If you insist.”

“I do.”

“Then…” Jon hesitates. “Have a good day, Martin.”

Martin almost folds at the softness in Jon’s voice. For a moment, he considers taking it back—the stubbornness, the bitterness, the insistence that he’s fine. Would it hurt to give in, for a day, to the urge for rest? But it would. He knows it would.

“You too, Jon,” Martin murmurs, dismissing himself from Jon’s office and managing to make it out of the door without flinching every time he puts weight on his left leg.

Jon refreshes his emails. He deletes Elias’s aggressively positive bulletin before panicking that he will somehow know and transferring it back to his inbox. He flips through the statement on his desk. He makes sure the pages are in order, properly aligned. He takes the tape recorder from the drawer. He takes a sip from the sealed water bottle he keeps in the same locked drawer as the tape recorder. He lifts his thumb, letting it hover above the button to start recording.

Martin, he thinks. And he can’t begin the statement.

Martin is not fine. Jon is going to prove it. He had decided this before the emails, the statement, the water. But at the crossroads of burying himself in work or investigating Martin’s denial, he realises that it was never really a choice. He needs to know.

Perhaps Martin is hiding an injury related to Jon’s clandestine investigation. The tunnels are dark and, in places, littered with debris. A person visiting without the right equipment—or, at the very least, without a torch—could easily hurt themselves. Or likewise, if the tables had somehow turned, Martin could have lost his balance in the station while following Jon. The best lies always held some element of truth.

The worry eating at him is for this scenario, Jon tells himself. Not for Martin. He is not worried for Martin.

Jon props his door open slightly with his shoe. Now that he has taken to working in his office, door closed, he no longer worries so much about working in only his socks. He never liked the feel of his firm work loafers, and it’s easier to sit comfortably in his chair when his feet aren’t covered. He checks to see if any of them have noticed him, but in the bullpen, Sasha doesn’t look away from her malfunctioning computer, earbuds in. Tim has yet to arrive. And Martin’s desk is empty.

He goes back to his own desk and sits down. From this angle, he can see through the small gap where his shoe is holding the door open. A direct view towards Martin’s desk. He will know when Martin comes and goes, will be able to examine his reaction to movement and pain. Jon begins a timer on his phone—he should keep a record of how long Martin takes, that might give him an idea of the extent of the injury—and then throws himself into scouring the evidence that Basira left the last time she visited.

Jon keeps stopping to check the timer. At fifteen minutes. At eighteen. At twenty-two. Twenty-three. Twenty-nine. Thirty. Thirty-one. Thirty-four. Martin has been gone for far longer than Jon had expected.

At thirty-seven minutes, Jon steps out of his office.

Sasha gives him a brief wave as he passes, but the other two desks are still empty. Jon feels himself frowning. He checks the staff room, but it’s empty and the kettle is cold when he touches his fingers to it. Next, he forces himself to walk slowly to the stacks where the original statements, even disproved, are stored. It is light and temperature controlled here, adjacent to the room where Martin had once stayed for months while they waited for Jane Prentiss’s attack. Because he knows now that was what they were doing: waiting.

Jon keeps his pace slow and measured. He realises he’s still not wearing shoes, which makes it easier to walk quietly along the stacks looking for the right dates. 1980-1985. He’s getting closer. He stops just before 1995-2000, listening for any clue Martin is there.

The first thing he hears is heavy breathing, every other inhalation hitching in pain. Jon grips the shelf behind him, digging his fingers into the wood, focusing on the sensation of the grain. He grounds himself, refuses the first and overwhelming urge to check on Martin. And then, shifting his weight very carefully, he leans forward so he can see through a small gap in the shelving.

Martin is sitting on one of the wheeled, plastic stools used for reaching the higher shelves. His left leg, the one he couldn’t put weight on earlier, is extended in front of him. The hem of his left trouser leg has hitched up slightly, revealing Martin’s sock—covered in tiny dinosaurs and padded as if hiding bandages beneath. His body trembles, almost like a slight blurring around the edges. He is gripping his thighs tightly, digging his nails in as he squeezes is eyes shut.

Jon’s heart clenches. He knew, in his office, that Martin was injured. But this is something else entirely. Beneath the sickly lighting, Martin is pale, almost grey, his skin shinning with a thin layer of sweat. Jon recognises the tightness at the edges of his mouth, the way his throat works against a rising nausea.

“Martin,” Jon says, stepping into view before he can think about what he’s doing.

Martin leaps off the stool, but the motion sends him immediately careening into the opposite shelf when his left leg won’t hold his weight. He catches himself before he falls fully, but he lets out a breathless “shit” that Jon attributes to both the pain and the shock. He tries to pull himself back up to his full height, but Jon can see the toll the sudden movement has taken on him.

“Christ, Jon,” Martin gasps, struggling to regain his breath.

“You’re lying to me,” Jon says. He stops himself before he adds: again.

Martin’s eyes widen slightly in alarm, a look of panic washing out his features further. “Jon, I—I thought we—I’m not—”

“About your injury.”

“Oh.” Martin deflates. “Oh. That.”

Jon is so angry he doesn’t have energy to spare on being embarrassed by his lack of subtlety. “Martin, you look awful.”

“Thanks,” Martin mutters.

“You should take the day off, at the very least.”

“Jon, I’m grateful for your concern, I really am, but—”

“If you say you’re fine again, I swear I will—”

“It’s a sprain,” Martin interrupts, insistent, “Nothing I can’t handle.”

Jon sighs. His anger leaves him, replaced with a sort of sadness he can’t quite place. Nothing I can’t handle. That sentence implies a comparison, a time before that hurts Jon to think about. “Let me get the boxes, at least.”

“No,” Martin says quickly.

“Martin, you clearly—”

“I’ll get them,” Martin insists, “Your arm—”

“Is almost healed. The same cannot be said for your allegedly sprained ankle.”

Martin rolls his eyes. “Allegedly?”

Jon doesn’t dignify his echo with an answer. “My physical therapist says I’m ready to start—”

“No, see, that’s exactly why you shouldn’t be here!”

“I know my limits, Martin. You, apparently, do not.”

Martin laughs humourlessly. “Oh, for gods—”

“What?” Jon bristles. “I attended physical therapy, didn’t I?”

“Because I texted you every day to make sure you went. Because I sent you home when you tried to come back into work too soon.”

“I am more than capable of looking after myself.”

“You stabbed yourself with a bread knife!”

For a moment, a rebuttal sits on the edge of Jon’s tongue. He almost reveals the truth—the door, the blade of Michael’s finger tearing through his flesh when he tried to go after Helen. But no, that would be too much. That would be giving Martin exactly what he wants.

“So you finally believe me,” Jon says calmly.

“I’m finally starting to believe you’re never going to tell me the truth,” Martin replies.

“I’ve already told you the truth.”

“And so have I.” Martin looks him in the eye, unwavering. “I sprained my ankle. I’m fine. I can do this.”

Jon sighs. He rubs at his eyes, wishing he had gotten more sleep for the past—well, the past year. “In that case, I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Jon echoes, although he has no idea why, and leaves before Martin can question him.

Back in his office, he paces. He checks the timer on his phone. It’s been an hour. He sits down, glancing between his computer and the door, the computer and the door, the computer and the door. Eventually, he hears Martin drop a large box of case files on his desk, far louder than he would ever usually allow himself to be. Jon sighs again. He is not sure what battle they are locked in, but he knows it is going to be long and hard-won.

Jon goes back to scrutinising Basira’s evidence. A collection of statements taken from people in the vicinity of the Institute during Jane Prentiss’s attack. A profile on some of the employees who had frequent contact with Gertrude, including Martin’s old supervisor in the library. He had sent a reference of thinly-veiled insults across with Martin’s employee record and, for some reason, Jon had never liked him since.

He is disturbed by conversation outside.

“Afternoon, Tim,” Martin says.

“Afternoon, is it?” Tim replies bitterly. “I didn’t realise.”

Only then does Jon realise it is after midday and Martin still hasn’t badgered him about getting lunch.

“Can I get you anything?” Martin asks, his tone much softer. “A cup of tea, maybe?”

“Thanks, but I prefer coffee these days.”

Martin laughs, a small, quickly fading sound. “Believe it or not, I do also know how to make coffee.”

“I guess I…” A loud, exhausted sigh from Tim. Then, in a smaller, kinder voice: “A coffee would be great. Thanks, Martin.”

Through the half-open door, Jon watches as Martin grips his desk and uses it to leverage himself up. The change of elevation clearly makes him dizzy and he stands for a moment, breathing deeply while he reaches an equilibrium. But when he walks, he is mostly managing to mask the pain, at least until he leaves Jon’s field of vision.

Jon listens. He hears the familiar squeak of the staff room door swinging closed. After a fortifying breath, he forces himself out into the main office. Sasha’s desk is empty; she’s probably on her lunch break with the boyfriend who works at the wax museum. Tim is sitting in his chair, hands in his lap, staring blankly at his computer. The screen isn’t on.

Tim blinks. Pulls his dull gaze away from the computer. The shadows beneath his eyes are deep and purple, and he doesn’t even attempt to smile. “Can I help you with something, boss? Must be big if you’re willing to leave that office of yours.”

“Have you noticed Martin behaving strangely at all?”

“Oh, bloody hell, Jon, not this again,” Tim hisses, “I’m not helping you spy on—”

“No, no, not that,” Jon interrupts, “I believe Martin injured himself on his way to work, but he won’t tell me how severe it is.”

“Wow. Sounds kind of like someone else I know.”

“Tim.”

“I suppose he learnt from the best.”

“Tim,” Jon snaps, “Did you notice anything?”

“No.” Tim sighs. “No, I was a bit distracted, to be honest. I was sort of hoping Sasha would be here. I, uh, I need to talk to her about something.”

“Will you keep an eye on him?”

“I already told you, I’m not—”

“It’s not spying.”

“It’s as good as!”

“It is not.”

“You would know.”

“Tim,” Jon says, lowering his voice for impact, “If you are not going to do any work, at least—”

The staff room door whines open. Martin walks out backwards, holding the door open with his shoulder as he shuffles into the office a mug in each hand. One is the novelty mug with a celebrity and slogan on it that Jon doesn’t recognise, no matter how many times Tim has tried to explain; the other is the plain, sunny yellow one Martin always gives to Jon.

“Oh,” Martin says, pausing when he sees them both, “Is… everything alright?”

“Fine,” Tim replies, “Jon was just interrogating me about why I was late. And I was just telling him how I was passing by London Zoo when I heard a scream and I immediately began running—”

“Alright,” Jon interrupts, “I’ve heard enough.”

Martin lifts the hand holding the yellow mug slightly. “I made you tea.”

Jon tries to push away the warm feeling that unfurls in his chest, every time Martin says this. “Thank you, Martin. Let me take those from you.” He adds, firmly, “Both of them,” for good measure.

With some manoeuvring, Jon manages to relinquish Martin of both the mugs. He places Tim’s down on his desk, receiving a mumbled thanks, before walking the distance back towards his office door. Martin lingers in the doorway to the staff room, looking casually at Jon, but there is a stubborn set to his shoulders.

“How are the files?” Jon asks.

“Terrible,” Martin replies with a slight pout, “I’ve already read five statements about three separate Oasis concerts.”

Jon shudders. “I never liked the ’90s.”

Martin chuckles. “Yeah, well, at least they weren’t getting up to anything actually spooky.”

Jon hesitates. He knows, if he moves first, he will have lost this particular battle. But the war is still all to play for. He assesses the determination on Martin’s face and decides that, on his occasion, he will concede. Just this once.

“Well,” Jon says, clearing his throat, “Good luck with the rest.”

“What, you’re not going to make him put a quid in the jar for saying ‘spooky’?” Tim interjects.

Jon startles. He had almost forgotten him and Martin were not alone. “It’s a first offense.”

“It is not,” Tim calls after him, but there’s something playful in his tone, at least, “That’s preferential treatment!”

Jon goes back into his office without replying. He keeps the door open.

For the rest of the afternoon, Tim doesn’t exactly keep his word, but he does do everything in his power to prevent Martin from getting any work done. Tim isn’t subtle about it, but Martin tries to resist. He only plays two rounds of online Battleships with Tim before insisting on returning to the disproven statements. Tim then attempts to throw pens from his pot into Martin’s, scattering most of them around the office. When Sasha comes back, he quietens slightly and they all fall into some semblance of productivity. Jon does catch Tim playing solitaire when he passes his desk on the way to the bathroom, though.

Sasha is the first to go home. She leaves without stopping by Jon’s office and the absence scratches at his consciousness, some long-buried sense of rejection that he soothes and smothers with the knowledge that this is what he wants. He wants space to work. He wants to snap the lines of connection that might lead him towards betrayal.

Less than twenty minutes later, Tim is next. And he tries to take Martin with him.

“Come on,” Tim whines, his voice carrying through the barely-open door to Jon’s office, “Just one round. On me.”

“Tim,” Martin replies, his voice gentle but holding his position, “I really can’t. Not tonight.”

“We could grab something to eat instead? I’ve been meaning to try this sushi place right near—”

“I can’t eat—”

“Oh, right.” Tim clicks his fingers in remembrance. “You’re allergic to fish.”

“Not all fish,” Martin adds, like an apology.

“Not all fish,” Tim echoes, “But no sushi, just to be on the safe side.”

“Yep.” Martin sighs. “Sorry.”

“No, no, don’t apologise.”

From his office, Jon can hear Tim shifting slightly. The floors are hardwood, carefully maintained over the years, and despite taking some damage during Prentiss’s attack, Elias insists on keeping them. They creak. He remembers Martin mentioning it once in passing, when he was staying in the Archives, how sometimes he thought Jon was there even on the nights when he left before it got dark.

“At least let me walk you home,” is Tim’s last attempt, “A sprain is definitely not nothing. I sprained my wrist years ago climbing and it still plays up sometimes. Especially when I’m caving, actually, but that’s a story for another time.”

“Well, um… I won’t go climbing any time soon, then?”

“Are you just saying that to make me feel better?” Tim says in his most flirtatious voice.

Martin laughs. “I appreciate it, Tim. But I’m—I just want to finish this off. Before I leave.”

Through the crack in the door, Jon sees Tim raise his hands in surrender. “Well, I tried.”

“I’ll be alright,” Martin adds, almost guiltily.

“You better be.” Tim hesitates again. Jon watches him pat the pockets of his coat, searching for his phone or perhaps his keys. “You got my link? The NHS website one about strains?”

“I did. Thank you.”

“And you know about calling 111?”

“Also yes.”

“And you can call me if you need me?”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go,” Tim says, resigned, “Just—take care of yourself.”

“You too, Tim,” Martin replies softly.

Tim heads off, again without stopping by Jon’s office. And it’s habit, by now, it’s not unusual for Tim to do this, but Jon taps the desk lightly with his fingers to try and dispel the feeling of wrongness sitting on his chest. He watches Martin go back to the computer, a tension around his eyes that suggests at a headache and the same pallid, nauseous look visible even in profile.

Jon considers the work he has left. The work he knows, realistically, he will never quite finish because every statement, every piece of footage, every lead, only stirs up more questions. He could stay. He could push himself on into the night, as he has done so many times before. He could find another reason to go into the tunnels. But deep down, he is exhausted—by the need to know, by the itch at the edge of his knowledge where uncertainty lingers and festers. He wants to rest and he thinks if he leaves now, Martin might, too.

Jon gathers his things, stuffing a few statements inside his messenger bag before shrugging on his coat, his scarf, his gloves and his hat. The cold air hurts his scars and dries out his skin until they become tight, small movements made increasingly uncomfortable without intervention, so he’s resorted to wearing more layers. Finally, he puts his shoes back on, retrieving the left one from the door and then closing it behind him when he steps out into the main office.

Martin glances away from his computer. “Heading home?”

“Yes,” Jon replies, as casually he can, “I thought I would call it an early night. Would you—I thought—perhaps you would like to join me?”

Jon tries not to notice Martin’s cheeks flushing pink. “Oh, um, I—I was actually—I think I should stay. Just for another half an hour or so. It’s just, I’m nearly finished with October to December 1999 and I know it will bother me if I leave it.”

Jon quirks an eyebrow. “That interesting?”

“Hmm.” Martin shrugs. “Mostly just a lot of people worried about the turn of the millennium.”

“Ah. I remember that.” Jon doesn’t let on that he spent October to December 1999 researching that very phenomenon obsessively, walking the line between intense curiosity and deep dread at the possibility of catastrophe. There are some things—many things—Martin doesn’t need to know about him.

Martin smiles. “Well, I… I better get on.”

“Martin,” Jon says, trying to keep his voice measured. He feels like he is wavering between an offering and an argument. “I know I stressed the importance of digitising those files this morning, but there is no reason to spend overtime on—”

“There is, though,” Martin interrupts, “A reason.”

“Oh?”

Martin looks him in the eye and almost smiles. “I want to.”

“Right,” Jon sighs.

“Right,” Martin echoes.

“I suppose I’ll—I’ll be going, then,” Jon murmurs, tapping Martin’s desk just once in deference to the slight tremble in his body, the way he isn’t quite sure what to do with his hands. “See you tomorrow, Martin.”

Martin smiles, this time. A full smile. “Bye, Jon.”

Jon turns. He begins to walk away. In his mind, he sees an alternative: going back, asking Martin to walk with him to the station, an offer he knows will, at least, make Martin think again. The both of them squeezed among commuters, hands stuffed into the pockets of their coats because of the cold, elbows knocking against each other every so often as the crowd tightens and expands. The awkward, protracted moment of goodbye when they part to separate platforms, the glimpse of the other walking away and the pang of sadness that comes with it.

It’s manipulative to ask, a cruel trick, and yet—is it? Is it, if that is something Jon wants, too?

Jon doesn’t turn around. He keeps walking, even though he knows—somewhere deep and hidden and insistent—that he will regret it.

#cw paranoia #cw worms #cw injury #cw blood #cw nausea #cw toxic work environment #cw internalised ableism #cw food mention #cw needles #i feel really shy about posting this?#idk why #it was genuinely hard to write not!sasha that might be it #my confidence might be low right now but my love for martin increases daily #so i will write him no matter what 😤#my writing #love to eveyone #thank you for reading #<333

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casey-v · 4 years ago

Text

Trauma

Ethan x Casey

Here’s a one shot of chapter 13. The scene in the on call room didn’t feel like fluff, so this is mostly drama. This time it’s only Casey’s POV because for me it was too difficult to find out what was going on in Ethan’s head.

Disclaimer: characters owned by PB

Words: 2,3K

Casey stared at the door of the on call room that had just been slammed in her face. Hoping Ethan would come back, she just sat there and waited, not really able to capture what had just happened. But, of course, he didn't reappear. So, she left frustrated and wandered through the halls of Edenbrook, deeply immersed in her thoughts.

Why was fate messing with her like this? They had just started a wonderful relationship in which Ethan had finally opened up to her. Since Danny’s funeral, she had spent three nights at his apartment and every second of it was pure bliss. Being alone, outside the hospital, he was so relaxed and happy, it made her heart melt. Sometimes they had a wordless understanding that was amazing. When he was relaxed it was so easy to talk to him about nearly everything and they laughed together endlessly. And of course, they had......mmmmmh…..God, he felt so great.

And now a few minutes with his mother seemed to have ruined everything. That man in the on call room was a stranger to her. No, in fact, it reminded her of the Dr. Ramsey in the days of her early internship, when he was sometimes acting like a jerk and being rude and moody. She had thought that this man was long gone. But unfortunately, the encounter today brought him back and all the walls around him were back up again.

Her feet had brought her to a certain office door. She didn’t know that this was, what she needed, until she was there. She hesitated and knocked. “Come in,” a friendly voice was heard from inside the office. When Casey opened the door, she saw Naveen’s face brighten up. Instantly she felt a little better. There was just something about him, that lifted your spirits. He was always good humored and positive, even last year, on his supposed deathbed. Ever since, they had a special bond and although they didn’t meet a lot, they were very fond of each other.

“Casey! So, rumors are true. You didn’t stay at home like I told you. But it’s good to see you.” He came over and hugged her.

“Good to see you too, Naveen. My landlord needed medical help this morning, so I brought him here and then I just stayed. It’s so boring at home and I like to keep myself distracted.” She smiled at him, trying to hide her current state. But he knew her to well.

“Well, if I may say it, you don’t look too good. Are you sure, this isn’t too soon?” He took her gently by her arm and led her to the couch to sit down. “Oh, it’s not work that is bothering me right now” She couldn’t keep her eyes from getting wet. Naveen sighed and rolled his eyes. “What has he done now?”

Through her tears she laughed. “Why do you think this is about Ethan?” Naveen had a sparkle in his eyes. “I know you and, most importantly, I know him, so this was easy to figure out. What happened?”

Casey’s expression darkened. “How much has he told you about his family background?” “A lot, I guess. Are you referring to his mom leaving?” She nodded and just spilled the whole story.

“She’s here. Came in this morning as a patient, unconscious on an opioid overdose. Ethan and I were in the ER at that moment. He was shocked. We gave her naloxone, then he just said something like ‘Nurse, take care of her’ and ran off. I found him later in an on call room, yelling angrily. He wouldn’t let me talk to him, just slammed the door in my face and left.” Naveen had listened closely, his gaze concerned. “I’m so sorry, Casey. I know he can be difficult at times. Ethan has this anger buried deep down inside of him, ever since his mother left him. Growing up with his father he never learnt to express his feelings or even worse, he never allowed himself feelings. He thinks he needs to be tough all the time. And then, when all those bad memories come rolling over him, he can’t deal with it.”

Casey thought a long moment about these words. Of course, it was perfectly clear, that Ethan had trouble talking about his feelings. But the last days had proven that he damn well was able to show his affection for her. “The thing is: Since my night in isolation a lot has changed between us.”

Casey blushed and didn’t dare to say more, but Naveen smiled and put his warm hand on hers. “You don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything. Even if I’m chief of medicine I’m also your friend and you know that I always wanted to see the two of you together. Ethan has changed so much since you came here and I’m really happy for you. He almost lost his mind that night of the assault.”

“It was terrible for all of us, but for what it’s worth it also brought us even closer together. Despite all the aftermath of the attack the past days have been great. Today though, it feels that all of this has vanished.”

“It’s a lot to ask from you in your current condition, Casey, but he needs you right now. He probably hasn’t said it yet, but I can see that he loves you with all his heart. Please don’t give up on him.” Naveen squeezed Casey’s hand tightly.

“I won’t, I couldn’t. But the question is: will he let me help him?””

***

Later Casey went to check on Louise. She was stable but not yet in a good condition. Talking to her felt odd, so she kept the conversation short. “Mrs. Ramsey, do you want me to call anybody?” It took Louise some time to answer. “I suppose you could call my ex-husband, Alan Ramsey. He lives in Providence, though.” “Sure, I’ll try to reach him. Ahm, a psychologist will stop by later. And if there is anything else you need, just tell the nurses.”

***

The rest of the day Casey tried to avoid meeting Ethan, but talking to Naveen had given her confidence, that everything would work out for the best. She didn’t want to confront the attending during working hours, so she planned to talk to him at night. The more she thought about it, the more she realized, that she may have overreacted after his outburst and that he probably would be much better by now anyway. How wrong she was became obvious the moment she stepped out of the elevator and saw Ethan and Alan standing in the hallway, involved in a heated discussion. “That’s all there is to say, dad. And now I have work to do.” Ethan’s face was red with rage. As he turned around to enter his office, he directly looked at Casey. “Dr. Valentine, in my office now.”

At first Casey was too shocked to move. Alan took some steps backwards, deeply embarrassed by his son’s behavior. “Hello Mr. Ramsey,” was all Casey could muster before she followed Ethan.

The door wasn’t even closed behind her when he was at her. “How dare you call my dad!”

“Excuse me! How dare you talk to me like this. This has nothing to do with you. Louise asked me to call him and that’s what I did. That’s how we take care of our patients. You taught me, that every patient is worth any treatment. How can you deny her visitors?” Ethan was silenced for a moment and rubbed his neck. He seemed to calm down a little. “You could have asked me to call him or at least warn me.” In contrast to him, Casey was just getting heated up. “Really? After your outburst this morning? You said, you had more important patients and didn’t want to deal with her. Get a grip, Ethan, you’re being totally unreasonable. You say she’s nothing but a stranger to you, but never on earth would a stranger affect you the way she does. You tell me not to run away from my PTSD while you've been carrying around your own trauma for 26 years. This has to stop now!”

Ethan was pacing up and down, yelling back at her. “Don’t you think I know that. Do you think I like what she’s doing to me? But I will never forgive that she left, just like that, without a word, not caring about me anymore.”

Casey inhaled deeply to get her voice under control. “You don’t have to forgive her; you just have to understand what happened. Now is the chance for closure. Talk to her. Not for her sake but for your own. Hear her story. You need to hear the reason for her leaving. It's not your fault that she left and probably also not your father’s fault either. Maybe she already had mental health problems back then, who knows. Everybody is a victim here. Maybe she just couldn't stand herself, couldn’t handle her life. That doesn't mean that she didn't love you. If you don't talk to her now, you'll maybe never get another chance.”

Ethan was sitting on the couch now, his face in his hands and mumbled. “Ok, I’ll think about it.” Then he glanced back at Casey, forcing a smile. “Do you want me to cook dinner tonight?”

She shook her head frustrated, her arms dangling loose by her sides. “That`s it? You just change the subject? I don’t believe it. No, I don’t want to be with you tonight. This day has been exhausting enough, I need to relax, watch a senseless movie, go to bed early, whatever.” She turned around and opened the door to leave when she heard his tight voice. “Only tonight?”

As she glimpsed back at him over her shoulder, she felt so sorry for him how he sat there, slumped down, observing her insecurely. In the past they had argued a lot about work related issues and she always stood her ground, but so far, she had never stood up for herself when it came to their personal relationship. Being patient and accepting his wishes was all she had ever done. But for once, she knew, she had to put herself first, although the urge to take him in her arms was almost unbearable.

“For someone so intelligent you can be so stupid sometimes. Of course, only tonight. Do you really think I’ve been waiting all this time only to run away after the first argument? I couldn’t, even if I wanted to, because the problem is, I love you, however bad you treat me. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. You're not the only one who is able to slam some doors. “

With that she turned and slammed the door as predicted. She knew this was a bit ridiculous, but it felt really good. Only then did she realize what she had just said to him. Her hand flew over her mouth. That's not at all how she imagined saying those three words for the first time. She lingered a while in front of his door, unsure what to do, before she went home.

***

Instead of watching a movie Casey ended up playing video games with Elijah. Killing dark creatures helped her let off some steam and she enjoyed spending time with Elijah. They had just freed themselves out of a dungeon when her phone rang. There was only one person who would call her at that hour.

“Sorry Elijah, I have to take this.” She grabbed her phone and went into her room.

“Hey!” – “Casey!?” Ethan’s desperate voice made her cringe. “Can I come up?” – “Where are you?” – “Right outside.” A few seconds there was silence. Casey had told him, that she wanted to be alone, but it meant so much to her, that he came to her.

“What do you want?”

“To be with you.”

A single tear rolled down her cheek. “Ok, I’ll open the door for you.”

As he entered the apartment, she quickly pulled him past the grinning Elijah into her room and immediately found herself tightly wrapped in Ethan’s embrace. She smelled a mixture of his cologne and scotch. They clung to each other as if they had to shield themselves against a heavy storm. Casey felt his tears running down her neck. Soothingly her hand travelled up and down his spine. An eternity later he loosened his grip and touched her forehead with his.

“I’m so sorry, Casey. What kind of asshole pushes away the one person, that is always there no matter what?”

She lifted her hand and touched his cheek very softly. “Come on, let’s just go to bed.” Quietly they got undressed and crawled into the covers, her back against his chest, arms wrapped, fingers laced. Words weren’t necessary right now, the only thing they needed was to feel the presence of the other one.

As Casey was half asleep already, she felt Ethan’s whisper against her ear. “If I …, I don’t know yet, but just in case, …I mean …if I talk to her, would you come with me?”

“Is this a rhetorical question or are you really unsure of my answer?” She turned to look at him, their noses almost touching, and waited. He seemed to weigh his answer before he spoke again. “You know I’d hate to presume anything.”

Casey moved closer to put a sweet kiss on his lips. Then she sent him a warm smile and lost herself in his blue eyes, only lit by the moonlight.

“Regarding me and you, Ethan, you always can presume.”

------------------

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