#has anyone guessed which is my favourite dynamic in the books???

[beedreamscape]

To pair my last post, but in happier tones.

Part of me thinks Kiriona was so set up on turning John back to mortal, after any Harrowhark intentions that overrule everything else, not because she has lofty plans of ruling over anyone but because if he isn't immortal anymore, he's not god anymore, and if he's not god nor the emperor, he's free to be just her dad.

I want the griddlehark drama and angst and romance for the next book, but I also want to see Gideon experiencing some, at the very least, normal times with an adult figure that doesn't hate her, that feels responsible for her, that might even love her, in an environment that isn't 'headquarters of an empire at war'.

Which alternatively could also be achieved with Pyrrha once they overcome the larger-than-life wall that is Wake between them, but that'd still be different than the father figure of John who, in his best days, has a personality that matches Gideon's so well and could very well offer the tenderness she's never been shown before, tenderness he's very capable of when he's not drunk in his own revenge plots.

[laufire]

april reading meme!

BOOKS

We Will Devour The Night by Camilla Andrew. The version I read is available in the author's ko-fi (aninkwellofnectar), and the final version will come during fall of this year. I've talked about this saga before (The Essence of the Equinox), and I still recommend it to those of us who like complex characters (especially female characters), gothic horror, and lush prose. This is a sequel, and I like it even more than the first instalment. It gets deeper into the darkness of the world and it's an amazing read. The third and final part has started been posted on ko-fi as well, for anyone interested.

Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. I wish I could make everyone read this book. It wouldn't fix everything, because it runs against a lot of people's deep-seated belief systems, but maybe it would make SOME of them start second-guessing those beliefs... Anyway. A MUST read in terms of abuse and intimate partner violence.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë. I read the book for the first time about 15 years ago, and only reread it now. I loved it even more than the first time. The atmosphere, the revenge tale, the love story between Catherine and Heathcliff, all the ways these families' lives affect the others, how you have to parse through Nelly's account of events... I still wish I could hit Lockwood in the head with a stick lol. Just once. Not even too hard! But hit him in the head, I would xD

COMICS

Batman: Huntress/Spoiler - Blunt Trauma. One of those "it could've been so good if it was good" comics. It would've had to NOT been written by Dixon, of course. His ideas about these two characters are palpable here. He's met real women and girls, I know this, but he's completely failed to take anything from these meetings into account to understand them as people. And boy, does it show in his writing.

Green Lantern: Willworld. I've had this comic in my list for aeons and I moved it up when I found out its author would be writing Jason's upcoming ADITF "what if" story starting July. I really liked this one, and how it showcased Hal's character. It's not a guarantee I'll like his Robin Lives run, because comic writers have biases and blind spots and huge gaps in their knowlege regarding certain characters, but "he seems to be a good writer" is already a huuuuge leg up compared to most modern Jason content lol.

JLA: World Without Grown-ups. This was interesting because I've watched the Young Justice (cartoon) version of this premise, which is VERY different, from the villains to their goals to the handling of the crisis (since the cartoon had an established teen team), down to the emotional beats (the Zataras). They're too different to be compared, tbh. This one was quite fun though, and it made me feel very fond of Bart. Also Tim's parasocial relationship with Jason's memorial made an appearance LOL.

Colin Wilke's appearances. I am MOURNING this kid. He has like 9 appearances (and a couple of them are barely a few pages) but each one is gold. Bring him back. Make HIM Damian's best friend. Integrate him in the storyline!! His character and his dynamic with Damian had so so much potential. I am definitely going to include him in my fics.

Batman: Li'l Gotham. (plus the two stories introducing it in Batman Annual #27 and 'Tec Annual #11). A couple of things conspired (including me finding out there's a version of Colin in this lol) and I ended up reading it while I was sick. It's mostly fun fluff (as opposed to just corny fluff) and a quick read without much meat in it, but a few things nudged the inspiration muscle and Dustin Nguyen's art is adorable.

Batman Tales: Once Upon a Crime. I liked this one more than the above! It follows in that universe (a Gotham where everything is smaller and cuter lol), mixing it with some fairy tale vibes. Pinocchio!Damian is A Concept. Although my favourite story was "The Snow Queen", with Mister Freeze. The art goes into a whole other level in all of these, but especially that one.

Batman: The Chalice. Bruce Wayne receives the Holy Grail. I read this one in my list of Talia appearances and hers is the part that interested me: Ra's wants the Grail to make her immortal, like him, and Talia tells him that she has no desire to live forever. Her words are "Having lived my life in your company, the prospect of eernal life is not the attraction for me it might be for another." There are A LOT of things you can read into that sentence, and one of them, to me, is the idea that death to Talia would be an escape from Ra's, which is... interesting. Sidenote: this one was written by Dixon, who once in a while gets his wired crossed and is not wholly terrible with female characters xD

Ghost/Batgirl. I hadn't heard of Ghost before but I'm kinda curious after reading this mini run. I found a lot of the concepts it worked on (resurrection, mind control, etc.) quite interesting, although I ended up feeling the execution didn't delve too deeply into them. It's an story I might want to reread and pick apart at some point, though.

JLA: Tower of Babel. Yeah, THAT arc lol (also part of my Talia-reading). I also read JLA Secret Files and Origins #3 (in May, though), which shows Talia's whole thoughts on it as she steals the plans + some of the consequences the whole thing has for the other bats whose teammates no longer trust them (Dick, Tim, Barbara) + the wording of Bruce's contingency plans (which btw includes acceptance of lethal methods against Clark lol)... he certainly got off easy after this añsdlkfjasdf. Honestly, imo, the most selfish, cowardly thing he did was walking out before the JLA could tell him they'd voted him out. I know he and the comics probably won't frame it like that afterwards, but that's how it felt to me. The very least he could've done is face his teammates.

[9leaguesofmirrors]

His Soul's Best Mate (a Dave Parkes and Phil Proctor friendship fic)

I've recently become obsessed with the friendship dynamic between Phil and Dave (the other members of Legz Akimbo) and decided to write this: a fic about platonic soulmates

Two boys sat in a waiting room among several other hopefuls, waiting for a chance to audition for an up-and-coming theatre company called Legz Akimbo

One has his head buried in his audition book, murmuring his lines under his breath and making notes as he went along. If this went well, it could mean breaking through into a tough industry he'd been training for all his life

The other's scrolling through his phone. He doesn't quite know if this is what he wants, but that doesn't mean he isn't up for giving it a good go. Growing bored of Letterboxd, he puts his phone away and glances over at the man next to him. He sees the monologue

"I almost picked that one."

This caused the other man to lift his head in surprise, which quickly changed into a warm smile

"It's one of my favourite plays, you've heard of it?"

"Only thanks to a lot of researching!" Laughed the stranger "I'm not exactly an encyclopedia of theatre knowledge."

"What did you end up choosing?"

"Found a play called One Man, Two Guvnors. Figured I'd give it a shot."

"You're a fan of comedy! I had a feeling."

"Wow, it's that obvious?"

That made them both laugh. In a potentially volatile industry like the theatre, it was nice to meet someone that felt like a human being

"I'm Dave by the way." He extended his hand, a big grin on his face "Dave Parkes."

"Phil Proctor." He shook it

"No way, Proctor?" Dave chuckled in disbelief "Like in The Cruci-"

"Yes," Phil sighed with a smile "just like The Crucible. I guess my destiny was laid out in front of me since birth."

"Better hope you're good then!"

That's when Phil knew he'd found a very good friend

*********************************************

Rehearsals were interesting. And by interesting, Dave meant "his personal hell". Seriously, their new director was more unstable than a dingy boat on a stormy sea! He thought that, overtime, he'd get better. He was yet to be proven right

One evening, Dave was on a video call with Phil for their weekly line-learning session. They figured they'd start early, plus Dave appreciated being able to talk to his friend without Ollie breathing, or rather screaming, down his neck

"Have you worked with Ollie before?" He asked during their post-run through break

"Nah, first time. You?"

"Same here, was just wondering how you were finding it. I mean, Ollie seems to like you-"

"Like me?" Phil laughed a little at that "Funniest thing I've heard all week!"

"But he always brings up that audition you're going to, the one for that radio show?"

"Only because he's pissy about me missing rehearsals!" Phil muttered "Sarcastic git..."

Once Dave heard that, it all started to click. It would explain why Ollie spent so much time talking about it, yet never showed any real interest aside from that

"Right. Sorry, sarcasm gets lost on me." Dave shrugged "Joys of autism, I guess."

As soon as he saw the look of surprise on Phil's face, Dave couldn't help but laugh - he'd forgotten that was part of him he didn't know yet

"I was diagnosed pretty recently, plus I'm really good at hiding. Trying to get better at not doing that."

"Why didn't you say anything? I mean, you don't owe anyone an explanation, but surely you could get additional support-"

"From Ollie? Not a chance! We both know what he'd do:" Dave took his pink-tinted sunglasses from his desk and put them on, imitating Ollie's voice and mannerisms "My name is Ollie Plimsolls, and welcome to my new play entitled Autism Speaks. I have no idea that this is also the name of a crapsack company because I do absolutely no research. Please sit through this agonising performance while these two actors beside me slowly feel their souls decay!"

Phil could hardly breathe from laughing, and Dave was no better as he took his glasses off again. There was something about having someone that shared their irritancy with their director that felt like Spring air

"He really is something, isn't he?"

"I think the word they use is 'crackpot'." Phil said "I'd quit, but I need the experience. Plus, I like doing stuff with you."

"Boo, that's soppy!"

"Dave, don't be a dick!" Phil teased lightly "Speaking of dick, I don't think Ollie will like it if we still don't know our lines by next week, so we should probably go for another run-through."

Dave started to move his hands like Ollie again

"You don't have the whole script memorized after 2 weeks?! What kind of actor are you?!"

"Don't Dave, I'll start laughing again!"

They only made it through a page of the second run-through because Dave kept doing the "Ollie Voice" and Phil couldn't concentrate

*********************************************

4:00...

They'd been there for half an hour...

And Ollie was still ranting

Phil had stopped listening about 10 minutes in... actually, that was a bit generous. He'd probably clocked out by the 5 minute mark. It was Dave's fault, really, for improvising onstage. That was the reason he started laughing. It never happened, Phil was always great at staying in character, people saw it as a challenge, to make him corpse onstage

So far, only Dave had succeeded. And he had a consistent success streak

Of course, Phil wasn't completely innocent. After Dave started it, he had to get him back somehow - besides, they always ended up laughing when they faced each other head-on

They enjoyed it

The kids loved it

Ollie clearly didn't see the funny side

"How hard is it not to laugh onstage? Neither of you are that funny, surely it should be a simple task!"

When Ollie's back was turned, Dave looked at Phil and mouthed you hungry? That earned a silent shhhh from Phil, who was not about to enrage their director anymore - he actually wanted to go home at some point today

"You two are impossible!" Continued the angry blond man, still not looking behind him "You've ruined my production, you've ruined my reputation-"

You ruined my dream journal! Dave mouthed, laughing as Phil tried desperately to hold back his own laughter

"It's like watching a 5 year old throw a fit." Phil murmured, quiet enough that only Dave heard it

"In those silly jumpers, he looks like one too."

"How far could you push him in a pram?"

This time, it was Dave's turn to clamp his hand over his own mouth, trying to avoid any sound coming out

"Odds on 6 meters?"

"No please, I insist!" Barked an irate Ollie "Your turn! Since you're so intent on interrupting everything I do, what is it? Spit it out!"

"Just agreeing with you, Ollie." Phil said quickly, fearing that laughing in his face was a very bad idea

That seemed to set Ollie off on yet another tirade and he started to pace again. For a while, both Dave and Phil were silent. Then Dave turned to face him

"Y'know what this reminds me of?"

"..."

"My neighbour used to have this chihuahua-"

Neither of them could hold it in, and the torrent of angry yapping from Ollie afterwards was completely worth it

*********************************************

"What do you mean 'not well'? You were perfectly fine yesterday!"

"It caught up to me, Ollie, I told you there was a bug going around. Dave went off with it, you'll probably get it next."

"So help me if either of you give me your disease-"

"We should be alright by tomorrow, we can pick things up then."

It took a little (more like a lot) of convincing, but eventually Ollie caved. As soon as he'd hung up, Phil turned to Dave with a confident smile

"That's him off our case for the rest of the day!"

"He really has no idea what day it is," Dave would've been lying if he said he wasn't a little downhearted by that, but it didn't matter much in the grand scheme of things "and he says he cares."

"He's all talk, no action. Or height."

They both laughed, some jokes never got old

"So," Phil took a neatly wrapped parcel from his bag and handed it to him "the celebrating begins!"

Dave took the package and opened it, and his eyes instantly widened. Never did he thing he would be holding a vintage polaroid camera in his hands

"How did you even find this?"

"You'd be surprised what you find in Camden market."

"You actually managed to fend of Tish to get me a gift?"

"Don't even mention her name," Phil groaned "I wanted to go on my own, but you know what she's like. You mention Camden Market and she follows you like a bloodhound."

"I think it's just you." Dave adopted her voice "I just love you gay guys!"

"Right, I'm taking back the camera." Phil teased as he reached for it, only to be swatted away by a laughing Dave

"Get Tish to go with you!"

Managing to avoid Phil's grasping, he pointed the camera in front of both of them and snapped a selfie

"Dave! Fuck's sake!"

"This is going on my fridge!"

"You better not!"

"It is!"

Once the laughter subsided, Dave looked at the developing photo. It was as if, somehow, he'd managed to capture the chaos and joy and everything he liked in their friendship.

Part of him wished more people remembered his birthday, he wouldn't even have minded Ollie giving him a visit!

"Thanks for this, mate. Means a lot."

"You OK, Davey?"

"Yeah, I just..." He looked at the photo, then back at Phil with a smile "I'm fine."

Phil knew that wasn't true, he gave a firm pat on the knee. A silent assurance that, all teasing aside, he was there for him

"I just feel..." David started to alternate between clenching and unclenching his fists and pressing the pads of his fingers to his thumbs, trying to find the words "... just feel a bit invisible sometimes."

"Invisible?"

"Yeah. I mean, Ollie's the main guy: writer, director, producer... all the stuff. You're Phil Proctor, lead in every performance - which you're great at! But... then there's me. Just... Dave."

Phil hated hearing his mate talk about himself like that, especially when his skills were so obvious to him. He picked up Dave's Polaroid camera and held it up

"You," he said with a smile "are Dave Parkes. Future filmmaker and producer."

"Is this you haggling for a role?"

"Well... maybe!" Phil joked, wrapping an arm around Dave's shoulder "But I know that you're gonna make films that put these plays we're doing to shame."

"That's not hard!"

After that day, Dave started to look forward to his birthday again

*********************************************

Dave had been off all day, and he'd have been lying to himself if he said he didn't know why

It meant a lot, that he was the first person Phil told about his new job opportunity, he was filled with pride to think of his best friend finally escaping Legz Akimbo prison

Even so, there was a tiny part of him that wasn't happy about it at all. At first, he assumed it was jealousy. Phil was free to live his life, while he was trapped doing educational plays for kids that didn't care, with a director that seemed to hate his guts

As he sat in his living room, pressing the pads of his fingers against his thumbs in a self-soothing manner, his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone buzzing. He heard a familiar voice at the end:

"Davy!"

"You alright, Phil? How does it feel to have nearly finished your life sentence?"

"Good. Really good, yeah."

Dave knew Phil well enough to know something wasn't right

"Thought you were meant to be a good actor!" He joked "Now tell me what's really going on."

"Alright, you got me." Phil managed a small chuckle "I'm not ungrateful or anything, trust me - I've wanted out of here since day 3!"

"So what's the problem-"

"Is this a bad idea?"

Out of all the things Phil could've said, Dave wasn't expecting that

"You what?"

"I want to get out, I have for ages, but what's gonna happen after I leave? It'll only be you and Ollie left."

"He spoke to you."

No answer. Not that there needed to be one

"Yeah. He did. Usually, I don't listen so much. But he said all this stuff about how I'm such a "bad friend" for leaving you behind. I know he's just saying it to hurt me, probably doesn't even meant it. But you know how I get."

Dave did. Phil had opening up about the pressure he felt to constantly make the right decision. Theatre was a difficult business, one wrong step and you could fall hard. There were many moments where Phil would need that extra bit of reassurance, just a push in the right direction

Not that he'd always ask for it, that was still tricky for him. But, when he did, Dave was there for him

And, even though he'd have loved to keep seeing his best mate every day at rehearsals, keep making him corpse onstage, and ranting about Ollie and all the other things that they did to keep themselves sane, he knew he had to be there for him here too

"Phil, you've earned this! Don't worry about me, I'm a grown up - especially when you see me stood next to Ollie!" He heard Phil laugh on the other end, which was a good sign in his books "This is about you, mate! You'll do great!"

"It'll be nice to work with a director that doesn't keep trying to lob chairs at me."

"Exactly!"

The conversation started to flow into a number of topics: films they watched recently, the most recent episode of their favourite show, their current (Phil's final) future disaster they were part of thanks to Ollie Plimsolls. Phil's departure almost forgotten until the end of the call

"Showtime next week," he said humourlessly "if it wasn't in front of kids, I'd do it tipsy."

"Not very professional, are you?" Dave teased

"No, but I think I deserve it."

A pause. Dave's fists clenched and unclenched and each finger pressed against his thumb again; with show week happening so close and the fact he wouldn't see his closest friend anymore was eating at him. Come the week after, things wouldn't feel the same. Well, they wouldn't be the same

He didn't realise he wasn't talking until Phil did:

"Odds on Ollie blowing a blood vessel tomorrow?"

Despite himself, Dave laughed

"Very probable, I'll send you a video."

"Davey?"

"Yeah mate?"

"I'll call you next week."

"OK."

Another pause

"Let me know when the ad comes out."

"Promise."

That's how the call ended: with Dave Parkes, alone in his living room, trying not to think about the week after next

Because he was used to the late nights, the rehearsal stresses, the tantrums and the bullying

What he wasn't used to was going about it alone

*********************************************

"Why are you doing this, Dave?"

It was the first time he'd seen any sort of genuine care towards him being shown by Ollie. As if this was the moment he realised that Dave was exhausted. As if he finally felt even the slightest bit of sympathy

Dave looked at him. He wondered if, in another life, they could've actually gotten along. Maybe, if things were different, Legz Akimbo could've really been a trio. Three friends working together, collaborating and supporting each other

But that was a universe lightyears away...

"I just can't stand you, Ollie."

... In this lifetime, they were just too far apart

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Phil! Wait up!"

Upon hearing his name, he turned around, surprised to see Dave running towards him. Phil's shoulder's were grabbed as his best mate caught his breath

"Dave, what happened?"

"I quit!"

"What?" Phil's eyes widened "I mean, that's great but-"

"Remember what you said ages ago? About me being a filmmaker? Well, you were right. I wrote something months ago and I sent it off to Jed Hunter this morning!"

"What did he say?"

Dave's eyes seemed to light up even brighter, his whole face glowed like a lantern about to be launched into the air

"Phil... I'm gonna be a producer."

For a few seconds, Phil was stunned into silence. Then, his arms opened slightly

"Can I-"

His question was answered by Dave pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. That's where they stayed for what felt like a joyful eternity, a buzzing clump of laughter and freedom

"Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"... Odds on you helping me out?"

Phil pulled away, slightly confused, but wth a glimmer of excitement in his eye

"As long as I'm not playing Joseph the carpenter." He joked

"No, but I did write a role with you in mind. Jed said you'll have to audition... but I'm producing, so my say goes-"

"Why are you doing this, Dave? I mean, it's great but.." why me? Was the unspoken part What makes me worthy?

Dave wrapped an arm around Phil and beamed, as if he could see their successful futures right there and then

The struggles, the little achievements, the pushbacks and the pull forwards

He could see the films he'd create, the roles Phil would go on to play, and the awards they both would eventually win - both seperately and for their collaborations

But, right now, he answered Phil's question with the only thing he knew for sure:

"Because you're my best mate, Phil."

[rickie-the-storyteller]

Steph's Crew: Missing Pieces

Hey, friends!

So, the dialogues for the first instalment of the Stephanie Saga are complete. I'm probably going to post more Steph-related stuff here in future (maybe not as much as before, though). You guys more or less have the plot of the first book... except for the fact that there's a ton of things that I kind of missed out lol.

(Aside from that, though, there's the fact that a lot of the scenes I shared with you are really really old, and get changed, switched around, or even completely skipped in the story proper)

The story is super dense, since I wanted to include several different themes and discuss many different ideas and perspectives. Because of this, I often struggle answering the question of "what's the story actually about?" Like, there's many topics and themes that go into it, so I'm not 100% sure what the main idea here is (I'd say it's probably about friendship, and by extension, any relationship in life. With anyone, whether it's friends, family, romantic partners, etc. Giving examples of how to handle relationships and maintain strong connections with people, and how NOT to as well).

With all that being said, there are several important plot points in the first book that I didn't really go into in the dialogues I shared with you. I thought I'd briefly outline for you guys a bit, before I started telling you about the sequels!

Here goes...

Rachel and Gordon - I think I touched on this subplot in the dialogues, but it is a whole thing in the actual story. We go into Rachel's history with Gordon, the reason behind their divorce (the actual reason, not just Bret's theories lol), and Rachel's pain surrounding her infertility and desire to be a mother. I guess she kind of gets to be somewhat of a mother figure in Bret's life now that she's his legal guardian, but she's always wanted her own children, you know? She wanted children with Gordon, but they couldn't while they were together (which is one of the factors behind their relationship coming to an end). It's super sad... wish I could've gone into it a bit more, but that's a bit of context as to why things are tense between them in the story. (Things do get better for Rach in the sequel, though! Without giving too much away)

Reggie Ochre - Reggie is an old friend of Steph's that she kind of reconnects with (fun fact - in every instalment in the series, I have Steph reconnect with someone from her past, and they always move the plot forward in interesting ways. My favourite instance of this is in book 3, which I haven't really written much of, but the idea is definitely the most epic lol. I'm so excited about it!), who has joined a gang. His character is cool, and he and Steph have great chemistry together (they used to be a thing back in the day. Because of course they were... I feel like Stephanie has chemistry with almost every character in this story lol. That was in no way intentional, btw). He kind of introduces the theme of gang culture into the narrative, which is fun to explore.

Adam and Grace - I did get into this plot point, but I only really looked at it through the lens of how it affected Elise and the rest of Adam's family. I definitely tried to go into Adam and Grace's POV in the actual story as well lol. I just like getting a wide view of a situation like this. Something I didn't mention, though (which is pretty important), is the fact that Adam and Grace are no longer together. They split up a while after the kids were born (yes, kids plural. Grace had two twin girls). They are still close friends, though, and Adam and Grace co-parent pretty well. Both parents are very much in their children's lives, and they take good care of them. It's kind of interesting to see the difference between Elise's perfect privileged nuclear family dynamic and Adam's family with Grace and the twins. Shows how there isn't a set perfect method for family and parenting, and just because you don't follow all the traditional rules, doesn't mean you can't make the best of your situation and be the best parent you can be.

Holly Tucker - Holly (Bret's ex and Elise's old bully) gets a lot more focus than what I gave her in the dialogues. I basically sped through her storyline, but only through El's perspective. I tried to go into Bret's feelings towards Holly's shenanigans, too (since he is in a unique position... the person he's dating is causing pain to one of his oldest, dearest friends. That's a tough place for anyone to be. Plus, she cheated on him at Dylan's party lol).

Jelise - Jason's crush on El is given more focus. I feel like it lowkey comes from nowhere in the dialogues (aside from this one comment about Jason thinking Elise is the smartest person he knows, we don't get much of Jason's feelings towards her. Or anything, for that matter. But that makes sense, since he's not a crew member. He's more of a funny background character, like his friend Connor, who interestingly has a bit of development in the sequel, actually), but I give him and El more of a dynamic in the story, so you can kind of see something there.

Mary's secret boyfriend - This is actually a super in-the-background thing. But I thought I'd mention it, just cuz I love Mary haha.

Dylan and Robyn - Another background thing, but it's actually relevant to Dylan's story. This dynamic is meant to mirror Dylan's family dynamic. Tons of conflict, not necessarily one person's fault, but instead of Dylan taking responsibility for his end, he blames the other person entirely. His arc is kind of about him learning and growing, and not just shifting blame. Him mending his relationship with Robyn midway through kind of highlights his increasing maturity, and by the end, he's on genuinely good terms with her (and even keeps in touch with her, much to Alice's dismay lol).

Dylan's mum gets married - And Dylan invites the crew to the wedding. They all have a great time, and this just symbolises a fresh start for everybody. They've all grown enough to move on from past pains. All except for Steph, who is still nowhere to be found at this point (symbolising the fact that she never deals with her pain properly - she's always running and hiding from it). This event takes place a little while after Alice's (and Mary's) 18th birthday (where she and Dylan unfortunately decide to just stay friends for now. And this continues into most of book 2. Sorry, Dalice fans haha).

Stephanie's past lives - I mention a ton of times that Stephanie has moved around and been in many different homes and families, but never truly belonged anywhere. In the actual story, we get some insight into her experiences in her past homes and families. Some of these experiences are truly traumatic.... she's been abused, bullied, sexually assaulted, neglected, etc. All of these things have shaped her into the person she is today.

Stephanie and Danny - Danny, her first love. The person who taught her what real love is. Her knight in shining armour. Her ride or die. He gets a lot of focus, too. And he also comes back into Stephanie's life in the future lol.

There's probably some other stuff I haven't mentioned, but I think this is enough for now.

Let me know your thoughts! Do you think these are some interesting side plots?

[uservarric]

What is the best gotg comic to start with/buy first to read?

i would say it largely depends on what you want! have a look through and see what tickles your fancy.

generally though, guardians of the galaxy (2008) by abnett and lanning is widely considered the best run and for good reason. it’s tightly paced and full of character and defined the guardians. basically everything since has been riffing off that run. if you start here, make sure to finish it off with the thanos imperative, which is the real ending! and if you want a massive epic that shows how the guardians got together, alongside nova shenanigans, it can provide that too. you can read the annihilation and annihilation conquest events (they’re basically unofficial guardians books, everyone shows up and it’s how they are formed), then guardians of the galaxy (2008) alongside nova (2007) because they both spin out of annihilation, then at the end of those read the thanos imperative in which the two storylines converge again. it’s good stuff and beyond a couple of early 2000s-isms (gamora spends half the time basically naked. i mean, power move, but still) it has aged pretty well.

al ewing’s run is by far my favourite alongside that, but I’m not sure how well it would work as a jumping on point as it relies on a lot of prior knowledge of relationships and traumas and has a really big cast, some of whom aren’t exactly developed to their fullest potential because the book was prematurely cancelled. the three books we did get were great and al ewing did an amazing job characterising peter, rich and gamora in particular (rich specifically. legitimate perfection).

if you want something closer to the mcu to dip your toes into, the 2017 run by gerry duggan was decent. people don’t really talk about it much i guess because while it starts off alright it unfortunately finishes with a bit of a whimper with the infinity wars event. but by all means it’s a not-very-intimidating place to start. it has the five from the first movie as leads. it’s not exactly top tier gotg, as i said, but it works well enough if the movie is the dynamic you’re used to and you want more of something familiar to get started.

in terms of solo books, once and done, groot had a fantastic solo book in 2015 (at least I think it was 2015? it’s by jeff loveness) which I would recommend to literally anyone, gotg fan or not. that’s also a shout. yeah, read groot. it’s not a massive commitment and it’s very wholesome.

the star-lord grounded solo book i never shut up about is a favourite of mine but, again, it relies a lot on prior knowledge of peter as a character because he’s coming to terms with a lot of stuff about himself. that’s not to say it can’t be enjoyed as a new fan, it can and i know people who started with it and enjoyed it. i just think it’s better appreciated when you know more about what makes him tick. it’s inherently not a good representation of gotg as it normally is (no space shenanigans, it’s set entirely on a few streets of NYC) but it does a great job as a little character study of pete. but if you see the summary and think it looks good well, why not! <3

[witchthewriter]

💀👯📺📚✨🐐🗡️🧇🧨🧤.

You don't have to answer these questions if you don't want to. I hope you are having a lovely day.

I wanna say thank you to @brilligbroilledbooks for coming up with this!

Of course, I want to answer them! Thank you for taking the time to send in the ask! Also, I'm not sure if all the questions are in relation to the Grishaverse??? So I'm just going with whatever...I want lol oops

💀 Favorite villain?

I mean The Darkling was a pretty good goddamn villain but the best ones are when you start to agree with them. When their perspective starts making sense, that's when you know you have a good villain. So with that being said, I guess ... the Joker? I mean the Darkling is a DAMN good villain, so yeah he will always be one of my favourites. But also I love a good female villain so Jennifer Check from Jennifer's Body?

"Jennifer! You're killing people!"

"No, I'm killing boys-"

It really is a cult classic.

👯Favorite ships/duos/dynamics (friendships are also ships!)?

Me & Money (lol just kidding...👀), Katniss & Peeta, Nat & Wanda, Nikolai & Zoya, Jesper & Nikolai, Buffy & Faith, Sansa & Dany, Sansa & Margaery. These are all romantic ones though - friendship ones are; Inej & Nina, Genya, Alina & Zoya, Buffy & Willow, and Peeta & Finnick.

📺Favorite tv show quote/scene?

I think would have to be Carmy's scene in The Bear, when he's at the AA meeting and finally opens up. I just related so much, he says he didn't have friends growing up, he had a stutter, never had a girlfriend...here's the scene if you want to watch it. Trigger Warning though! And then at the end of the series ... god I don't want to spoil it for you, but I have never cried and laughed so loudly and so much at the same time.

For Grishaverse -

When Jesper and Kaz are taken to see Dresden (or whatever his name is) but it's really to see Nikolai and just ... god the interaction, the witty banter. Kaz's side eye with Jesper about knowing about him being a durast.

📚 Favorite book quote/scene?

In William Shakespeare's play, 'Much Ado About Nothing,' the scene where Beatrice and Benedick are talking and she yells, "O if I were a man! I would eat his heart in the marketplace!" (Here's the scene if you want to check it out). I got it tattooed actually, except it says "I'll eat his heart in the marketplace." To me, in the play, it means the social constructs are obstructing Beatrice from standing up for her cousin, but my tattoo means ... f*ck the social norm, f*ck tradition - I can and I will call anyone out. Let me know if anyone wants to see the tattoo... if no one cares, that's totally chill as well lol

For Grishaverse -

My favourite quote would be Genya talking about her abuse from the King. It's so much more hard-hitting than in the tv show. I cried and cried while reading it. Because I think the King was still alive, and she got to say it to his face while Nikolai was there as well.

✨Which Grisha order would you belong to?

Oh my god! I'm always thinking about this. On one hand, I would love to be a summoner, but one that doesn't exist - I wanna be the main character like that tehe oops. But then again, being a durast would come in handy!!! But then there's also being a Heartrender, and no one can survive without their heart so I just want to be the most powerful 👀

🐐Who/what is your emotional support goat?

Jesper - whenever I feel overwhelmed, I'm like 'Jesper would be laughing right now, I need to chill.' But also my pets - Baloo (my lab cross rottie) and Silly (my cat who is currently asleep on my bed). Also...The Hunger Games series is my emotional support movies??? I think that says a lot about me ...

🗡️Wraith, what are your knives' names? (Moral principles that you value - yes, also name the knives)

I would name my knives like they name their swords in Game of Thrones.

Maiden Death

Fate's End

Vicious Hope

...Bad Luck

My moral principles are:

Everyone is equal and has equal opportunities (except for those who have done unforgivable things - that's a whole other discussion).

I think we should Eat the Rich - no one needs that much money

Water should always be free - everywhere

Abortions need to be legal and accessible (everywhere and without hassle)

Religion has no place in government

Marriage equality is an obvious yes - I can't believe we're still arguing about this

Guns need to be banned

Education is free, yes that includes university degrees

Medical care also needs to be free as well

Okay so that turned into opinions rather than principles...

🧇Heartrender, if you had to betray your country for food what would it be?

Okay so I don't know if you guys have these outside of Australia but we have these chocolate bars called Picnics. They're a wafer covered in caramel, then nuts with Cadbury chocolate. They're what waffles are to Nina - I would eat these for the rest of my life. I can easily eat a bag of 12 in less than 30 minutes. They're ... delectable. I'm actually eating them right now ahahah oh my god

🧨Demo-expert, how do you code your experiments? (Favorite hobby)

My fav hobby is ... this. It's this account, writing for you guys, making moodboards, researching astrology signs, mbti, pair ups, headcanons. This, as well as learning about witchcraft and tarot. Reading, and extending my writing abilities.

🧤Dirtyhands, what's your weakness?

Um... being ridiculed/insulted. But also talk sh*t get hit amirite ladies?! I think it's being rejected, looked down on, and thought of as disgusting. That's my weakness. But if we're talking...how would the enemy get me to do anything, it would probably be kidnaping my family???

[icerosesummerbracket]

In honour of renaming my cat after her, here's my top 5 favourite Isebath Moments TM

no.5 - the awkward little conversation she has with Bella and Fennel in book one. Remember the times when we geuinly thought that the children of light could be like a very dyfunctional, but loving found family? ,,,,,,,,yeah,,,,,,,, tbh, I kinda just glossed over this scene the first time I've read it, I mean, it's like 8 lines max, and it's just Isabeth awkwardly asking whether the two kids are okay ( which is like,,,,take a wild fucking guess babe), but also ISABETH ASKED IF THEY WERE OKAY!!! She used to CARE. And then she kills their dad a hundred pages later, and starts being mean to them, but that's irrelevent : )

On that note, no.4- biting a peice out of Roscuro's neck. This scene is iconic even without further examination, I mean, bitey women <3 But also, she's pinned down  and her first instinct is not to burn him, or try to TURN INTO LITERAL STEAM (though to be fair, we first see her do that in book 3, so maybe she couldn't do that previously?), but no. She bites him. We dunno why for sure, but I think it says a lot, that she's about to ptentially die, and she STILL doesn't use her magic, she's THAT uncomfortable with it. Obviously there's the childhood backstory element to why, but I also think she hates herself for not having light magic come natural to her.

No.3- the confrontation with Etienne. If "trying to suss out whether traitor or not" why "homoerotic tension"??? Hmmm??? I don't even ship them all that much, but this scene >>>

No.2- Radiance cutting her hair. This scene gives me major Tangled vibes tbh, but also it shows their relationship dynamic so well!!! The TRUST Isabeth puts in Radiance's hand to snip snap around her neck with a sharp object, it's motherly, especially cuz it's implied that Radiance has always cut her hair, but also just,,,So Wrong. I wanted to throw up the first time I read it- the tension, the eerieness, the unease- it's so well executed. Really conveys that nothing is insignificant, with the over-description of every minute detail, focusing on everything Isabeth feels- the only sense that she doesn't seem to utalise is sight.

And no.1- the prolouge of book four. I know everyone loves the prolouge because of all the Tragic Backstory we get for the children of light, and I'm no different, what a way to kickstart things,,,,the transition from small child Isabeth standing in front of the ruins of her family home just before Radiance finds her, scorched and trembling, choking out one apology after the other, trying to convince anyone who hears her (no one does) that she didn't mean it,,,,TO HER AS AN ADULT STANDING IN FRONT OF THE RUINS OF A HOUSE SHE *DEFINATELY* MEANT TO BURN DOWN,,,,,ugh, the day I see this on the big screen is the day I'll be able to die happy

WOOOH FUCKED UP WOMAN MOMENTS!!!

also at no.5, it's fine that she killed their dad actually bc he was a bitch.

[birdylion]

20 questions for fic writers!

@annerbhp said she tagged anyone who wants to do this.

How many works do you have on ao3? 26, of which 15 are in English

What’s your total ao3 word count? 50,585

What fandoms do you write for? I have written for Mass Effect (Trilogy + Andromeda), Harry Potter, Rivers of London, Firefly, The Memoirs of Lady Trent, Rogue One, … mostly a small number of fics each, it seems that I'm a fandom hopper. I can't say what I'm working on at the moment, for reasons of (exchange related) secrecy, but my other WIP that I can talk about is for this one German crime TV show that's got a new episode upcoming soon, Tatort (the Saarbrücken version).

What are your top five fics by kudos? HP: What we're made of, my trans Viktor Krum/Hermione Granger fic Good Omens: Sleepless Night, my Ineffable Husbands insomnia comfort ficlet Rogue One: The Darkest Prison, my Baze/Chirrut during imperial occupation fic Rivers of London: Bintumani, my Elsie Winstanley in Sierra Leone adventure fic The Memoirs of Lady Trent: Studying Dragons, my fic about a queer subculture in the flying university

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes, I usually respond to comments, but sometimes they sit for a (really long) while in my inbox before I answer because I want to look at them in the preview of my unread comments. Why do I answer? Always in the hopes of awesome dialogue :D but also to show my appreciation for the commenters

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? My first impulse was to say that I don't do pure angst without happy endings, but that's not true: I've written two Mass Effect fics that fit the bill. One is wistful and introspective about a failed relationship between Ryder and Reyes Vidal, but the other is more angsty: "under the burning sun", a story set between ME1 and ME2 in which Shepard & Kaidan return to Virmire to grieve Ashley. It's a story about grief and doesn't have a happy or even hopeful ending. They lost someone they didn't want to lose.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I'm not sure it's the happiest, but my fluffiest ending is in "Spürst du die Funken", my (German language) Dean/Seamus getting together story with gay Seamus & grayromantic bi Dean that I'm still meaning to translate into English some day.

Do you get hate on fic? I've never gotten hate on fic. Fingers crossed it stays that way.

Do you write smut? Not until recently, and I haven't published anything yet. One of my Tatort Saarbrücken fics is going to be very smutty though. Like, pure smut with a side order of character development.

Do you write crossovers? I haven't published any crossovers yet, but one of my WIPs is a Rivers of London / The Old Guard crossover in which they're in the same world, and Peter becomes the same kind of immortal as the Old Guard.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? As far as I know, no.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, not so far.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, it's one of the Tatort Saarbrücken WIPs! With @shakespearerants . We're kind of stuck on the editing though because I can't find the time for getting back into it.

What’s your all-time favourite ship? I'm a multishipper (multiple ships even for the same character), how am I supposed to have an all-time favourite? Also, since I'm not that prolific and I'm a fandom hopper, there aren't many pairings for which I've written much. I guess Ron/Hermione is the pairing I've written the most? But that's, like, 3 oneshots.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t? I haven't given up hope for any of them. There are some I don't want to finish because I've lost interest, but for the rest, I'm still keeping up hope. There is one that has a low priority though, and that's a fic for the book "Firebrand" in the Green Rider series in which Zachary and Estora have consensual but very bad (and from Zachary's side unwanted) sex. I started it because their dynamic was so uncomfortable in that book, everyone acting as if everything was alright, even Zachary himself, and I wanted to explore what I felt was an approach more true to the emotional reality of the situation.

What are your writing strengths? Introspection and emotions. Also, landscapes and travel logistics, I think. But I'd be interested to hear other people's opinions on that, obviously.

What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue. I'm used to writing introspection. I love lingering in the internal thoughts and feelings of my POV character, and since that's the kind of role play writing I've done for almost 10 years now, I'm good at it (and in German, I can do it subtly). But it doesn't lend itself to the rhythm a good dialogue needs to have, so I always struggle with that. I should try to get more into theatre.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I'd do it if it fit my story, but I have strong feelings about how to do it. It has to fit the situation and the characters, and having dialogue in another language than the fic is a stylistic choice that tells us something about the POV character and the other characters. So you'd have to do it very deliberately. Also, I'm particular about bilingualism and accents. Mostly, I don't show accents in written speech, especially when it's not something the characters would notice. A good example of how I use other languages and accents of other languages in fics would be "What we're made of", my trans Viktor Krum story. I wrote it from his point of view, so of course he doesn't notice his own accent in English, how his pronounciation differs from, e.g., Hermione's. In his dialogue, I write him making grammar mistakes I think a native speaker of Bulgarian could make in English (extrapolating from my experience of Bulgarians speaking German, adapted to English grammar), but in his internal thoughts, I use normal English grammar because he thinks in grammatically correct Bulgarian, even though I don't comment on it.

First fandom you wrote for? The very first I wrote for was some horse girl book I had as a child. The first I published were for Harry Potter.

Favourite fic you’ve written? To Serve the Sacred, a very niche Mass Effect Andromeda worldbuilding fic from the POV of a Kett soldier, a view into the internal politics and religion of the Kett, which are the (on the surface generic) bad guys of the game. There's a lot of implied lore, and I'm exploring that. I still want to write an continuation of the game in which I'd explore it even more, as I have a big interconnected headcanon for why they are the way they are. Anyway, that fic has 21 hits and 3 kudos, but I'm immensely proud of it.

I'm tagging @shakespearerants @freizusein @hermitknut @astronicht and @weatheredlaw - and as always, anyone who wants to do this! Seriously, I mean it (as you can see from the fact that I wasn't tagged personally, either).

[zuzajs14]

Thanks for tagging me @birdstiel 💕

I guess we are doing it. Let's expose ourselves.

8 series to get to know me:

- Supernatural - obviously. my current hyperfixation as you can all tell. I am rather obsessive consumer of media but there are not that many shows close to my heart. and while I despise it deeply (I am a writer and bad storytelling kills me), I am also unable to not love it. this show had many great ideas and even bigger potential, many amazing characters who's story I woul love to explore. the unused or misused or badly used possibilities... damn it.

- Once Upon a Time - listen, i know it's low budget with shitty special effects (the poorly done fire every fucking time). but this is my comfort show. the idea is great, there are a lot of strong women (and one pirate who I am madly in love with). it's not very bright but I never needed it to be. it's just... fairytales, you know. comfort. and my beloved trait of gray morality - evil is made, not born ect, ect

- Doctor Who - this shit saved me. i am not sci fi person much (with exceptions, sure). but this silly man(I use it as a gender neutral term, like - damn, man) in a box, that fights the good fight... a pacifist that killed whole races (the bad ones, sure, but you know). and this otherworldly creature just struggles with so many emotions and is damned to feel forever lonely while having so many people live them... It's AAAAA. sure there are bad episodes. but who cares. i love it

- Our flag means death - you may not now this about me (but everyone in rl DOES as it's my personality) but I love pirates. like a lot. so obviously I care the silly gay pirates show. and I generally like Taika's projects. it's just adorable. makes me feel warm and fuzzy. and has a bit of angst. niceeee

- What we do in the shadows - again, silly and gay. i like gay media, what a suprise. and I love dumb characters. and they are all sooooo fucking stupid. love it. and ya know, vampires ( i have pirates and vampires, I need silly gay cowboys next)

- Game of Thrones - I am still so fucking mad. but I am also a sucker for dark fantasy. the costumes, the drama, the freaking politics and magic. also Jaime and Brienne. this dynamic is all to me. i've read the books to. and it's good storytelling. but unfinished... so sure the show fucked it up. tragic, really (still not emotionally ready to rewatch it dhdjdjd)

- Good Omens - Neil Gaiman is my favourite author. Really. Terry Pratchett is high on that list too. and as Neil supervised this adaptation... and it has David Tennant and Michael Sheen... couldn't go wrong. and is just hilarious and tender and full of love (and biblical motives which is something I value a lot - Gabriel shouting he's buying pornography lives rent free in my head)

- Broadchurch - you can't tell by this list but I like criminal shows too! (I was thinking os putting Sherlock on the list cause I care it a lot too and bonded with my mum over it buuuuut... somehow Broadchurch won, being fresher in my memory) again it has David Tennant, who's work I enjoy a great deal. and it's really good story that kept me on my toes. first season is my favourite

Huh. It was hard choosing only 8. Special mentions go to Sherlock, The Terror and One Piece (pirates!)

Okay, I will shut up now. This is way too long anyhow

No pressure tags (I still hate tagging people, I don't want to annoy anyone but I am curious about yours!)

@naughtystiel @fluffsnake @valeron99 @archervale @werepires (still intimated by you but if you want 👉👈)

And anyone who wants to! You can tag me and I will defo read it! I would gladly see all of my mutuals do it, but as I haven't talked to most of you, I am still shy about bothering you...

[lovefromskyee]

10/04/24

I have officially completed the first week of my AS levels, and I'm not going to lie, things are going much better than I expected them to?

I have been very close to mainly one group of 3-4 other girls, and I told them I was bi today, and they all accepted me, which was really such a huge weight off my chest. I casually just mentioned it in conversation when one of them said that they never had a friend who was gay, so I just immediately for some reason replied with "well, I'm bi, so-" and then they all just stopped for a second and went "oh, that's great" and stuff, there wasn't much of a discussion to it which I appreciated SO much.

We also played badminton today, and it was so much fun. I became much closer to some of the new students with the game too, because we kept having to take turns and we were playfully arguing about if we were out yet or not and it was all so much fun.

I don't think this new class is better than our old one, honestly. The dynamics in our old class were genuinely the best, and all of my bestest memories were from there, but this class is definitely incredibly great and special in its own way. For one, we finally have more girls than boys in our class, and that is still so surreal. And the people from my old class who I was actually close to, I'm still in contact with, so I'm not in that deep of a state of mourning anymore.

Our studies have ramped up so drastically too, though! I have no idea how to even start revising for Biology, and we've already completed the first 15-20 pages with almost ten pages of notes, and a bunch of diagrams which I'm not quite sure what to do with yet. I'm just hoping I'll figure it out soon, and not actually fall behind my studies at any time. Fingers crossed!

I love sociology so much too! It's one of the new subjects I have this year, and I love the classes so much. Our teacher is so much fun, and I get to yap for 45 minutes every day, which is never going to be something I complain about honestly. We have to research on cults as homework for friday, and I'm researching on the cult of cybele, which is basically this ancient religious cult that predates the roman empire, and became infamous FOR how popular it became, where it was a threat to the actual roman leaders. If you can't tell already, I'm having a lot of fun.

I went through my Wattpad today too, and I found this old therapy book that I unpublished in the year of our lord 2023, which was originally just a bunch of motivational speeches for my very mentally unstable followers at the time. I kinda want to do something like that again, but I have no idea how. Maybe if I do, it's going to be private, but we'll see, I guess.

My favourite song right now is red wine supernova by chappell roan, and it's been on repeat for days now, so I will most definitely reccomend it to anyone reading this right now.

I don't know why exactly, but I'm really missing ninth grade these past few days. Maybe it's because my brother has just entered it, or maybe it's because it was the first year I had offline with the people who would become so important to me in just the span of a year or two, but random memories from 2022 are just playing in my head, but I'm not sad about it? I don't know, I'm a little glad I'm not the girl I was then, no matter how much nostalgia she's bringing me right now. She had a lot of stuff to work through, and she's gotten me so far, but this is where I have to leave her now, if that makes sense? I'm so grateful for all the progress she's made, but she's not there anymore, and I don't think that fact is something I mourn actually.

Even if I don't want to admit it, my personality has changed a lot with this new class, but in the best way possible. I don't have to be unnecessarily mean to be scary anymore, and I'm telling people I love them and saying compliments whenever they're at the tip of my tongue, and I'm smiling so much more now and laughing so loudly, and somehow, I've stopped caring how my teeth or my neck or my jawline look when I do so? I've made friends much more easier than I expected to, and they're all so nice and smart and funny and pretty, and I don't have to get them scared of me to listen to me, because they care about me and understand where I draw my boundaries anyway. It took so long for the people from our older class to get that sometimes (not that I didn't love them just as much), so it's actually kind of surprising how safe I feel with these people considering that they're practically strangers, you know? Maybe I'm just rambling now hahah.

Okay I really do have to get back to my sociology and psychology homework now, so this is where this entry will have to end. If you're reading this, I hope you literally have the best day ever, and I hope that your favourite person gets you flowers and you go outside on an annoyingly hot day only for it to start raining, and I hope you only have good hair days for the rest of your life. I love you!

Love from Skye <3

[hookechoes]

justin mcelroy voice good news, i'm still angry!

-what the hell was up with absolutely no one in this book knowing that bisexuality existed. two of the main friend group fall in love with both men and women, this fact is discussed more than once in willem's case, and everyone is utterly confused. and not in a "haha, this a commentary on how society sees (or doesn't see) bisexual people" kind of way, just in a like "this is inexplicable, i guess, and has no label that i can come up with, but whatever! it is what it is!" kind of way.

-i had to keep reminding myself that the book is supposed to take place over a span of thirty-ish years, and still, every time the characters mentioned the age they had reached, i was shocked. no one ages at all in this book. no one grows or changes over time, the way a human grows and changes with experience and age. all of them are somehow frozen mentally at the ages they were when we first meet them (except, oddly, for JB, who is the singular dynamic character in the whole book). their voices and inner monologues don't change in tone or become tinged with age and it's jarring when you're reading something that sounds like a young woman's interpretation of a young man and then he says it's his fiftieth birthday.

-one of the most common complaints i've heard about this book is that it's sold on the friendship between four young men but then two of them (the two black characters, weirdly enough) basically drop out of existence after the first quarter of the book and it becomes about jude and by extension willem. and this criticism is absolutely correct. JB is at least an interesting character and he stands out whenever he is mentioned or briefly shows up again later, but malcolm is so aggressively nothing that when [redacted for spoilers], it kind of feels like no one noticed. and neither did i. his one identifiable character trait is that he's indecisive. and that's it!

-there's a story they tell near the end of the book about when jude and willem were living in their first place together in chinatown (when the book starts, they are moving into this place). they talk about having a bookshelf put in and painting it bright vermilion red. i read this and was surprised because i didn't know they were the kind of people who would think to paint their bookshelves at all, let alone such a vibrant color. which feels indicative of the way they are characterized, which is to say, they aren't. despite the fact that we spend far more time with jude and willem than with anyone else, they're still flat and lifeless and colorless.

-one thing that bothers me in books is talking about fake movies that the author made up. usually i can overlook it or kind of skim through that part because it's not a plot point, but in this book it is a plot point, several times, and we have to go through tedious paragraphs describing movies that do not exist. nothing is more boring to me than reading a movie synopsis for a fake movie. shut up. i hate you.

-the writing style. god, the writing style. here is the structure of a chapter: we are dropped into a scene at some point a few months later than the point at which the last chapter ended. we spend a page or two establishing where the characters are now. then for most of the remainder of the chapter, hanya drags us back through the months leading up to that point with a lot of past perfect tense, lots of "had"s, like way more than there needed to be. at some point we return to the present and the tense shift feels like a hard right turn with no seat belt. i do not mind a non-linear story; my favourite book of all time is IT by stephen king, for god's sake. it's not the fact of the non-linear writing but the unskilled repetition of it, feeling like i'm reading the same thing over and over and over.

-stop it with the "would"s! stop! "he'd say" x "he would do" y. how about this: instead of giving me this information that someone repeatedly did or said something in the past, what if you actually showed me some full scenes where he said or did those things?

-that postman "nickname" thing that i mentioned several days ago? yeah, that never comes up again.

-there is a bizarre, completely out of place scene near the end of this book where JB reaches over and kisses jude completely out of nowhere "because he looked so sad." first of all, one of the KEY things we're told about jude, over and over, is that he is very touchy about physical touch and can dodge a hug faster than a speeding bullet, so the fact that JB even managed to plant one on him really exposes hanya's authorial hand shoving them together like barbie dolls. but also, it's such a dumb fanficcy thing to happen, especially because IT'S NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN EVER. hanya was like, i'm going to ignore one of the basic tenets of jude's character so this scene can happen, and then the chapter ends and we forget all about it and it has no impact anyway! they go back to their scheduled weekly dinner, and although jude cancels on him at first, it's because he's canceling on everybody, not because one of his oldest friends just inexplicably assaulted him in precisely the way he is most traumatized. unfuckingfathomable. this was so weird.

-jude is a manipulative douchebag and i truly don't know why everyone is so fucking devoted to him.

anyway, that's all for now. hated this one lads.

Did I tear up at the end of this book? Yes. Was it specifically because hanya was not just tugging at heartstrings with her language but pulling out all the stops and yanking on them with all her might as one would yank a rope while playing tug of war? Also yes. Like “And so I try to be kind to everything I see, and in everything I see, I see him” is one incredible hell of a line but it’s the writing itself rather than its connectedness to the story or the characters that has impact.

Final thoughts for now: I dunno. It was sad at the end, because listening to a person talk about someone they love after [redacted for spoilers] is always really sad; maybe she should have just published Harold’s last letter as a short story or something and left the rest to our imaginations. But for the preceding 700 pages, the story was gratuitous, ridiculous, and mean. The writing style was annoying as fuck, even though the writing itself was often (though not always) good. The characters were static cardboard cutouts, the events and emotional arcs were repetitive, the trauma was (I hate to say it) so extreme in both quantity and quality that i could barely take any of it seriously. I have so many more issues with this book but it’s 1:45 am right now so I’ll think of them later.

One fucking star. Fuck this book.

[staplernpaper]

Harvey who (Spencer Reid x reader)

Summary: Spencer accidentally overhears your conversation with Penelope. After hearing the conversation, he thinks you're dating a man named Harvey. But Harvey isn't exactly what spencer thinks he is.

Word count: 3.7k

Warnings: Mentions of divorce

Author note: Ten points if you can guess whose Harvey. What did the nut say while chasing the other nut, I'm a cashew.

It was really rare for Spencer to befriend people within his age range. You however were one of those few exceptions. Your friendship started out as work colleague status which eventually blossomed into a friend outside of work status. Even though that was expected when joining the BAU; when someone new joins they slowly integrate into the family. This was different. Since you were both close in age, you never really saw him as a kid but rather an equal. It was refreshing on his part.

Being in the same age range wasn't the only reason he considered you as a friend. Turns out you are very similar to him in terms of personality and preferences. You both didn't enjoy spending your weekends at noisy clubs but rather enjoy the silence of your home with a good book in hand. You both shared a love of sci-fi shows, his vast knowledge made movie nights more fun as he'd be able to point out the fiction from facts. His rambles were one of the many things you looked forward to at work, so when word got out that you actually enjoy hearing it, he'd obviously started rambling more during your hangouts.

While you were close with Spencer, he obviously wasn't your only friend on the team. You considered everyone on the team to be your friend, but other than Spencer you'd also considered Penelope to be another close friend. While he and you shared some interests, there are just some things that he doesn't understand. Especially newer and recent pop culture. So whenever you needed to geek out on a new video game or tv show, you'd usually talk to her. Because of this, it was a really common occurrence for you to run away to the 'Batcave' during lunch hour. Which exactly was what is happening right now.

For the past week, you've been hanging out a lot with Penelope. During your lunch hour, you'd either go to the 'Batcave' to hang out or go out to have lunch with just the two of you. Spencer was obviously saddened by this cause he was starting to miss being by your side. Of course, he didn't want to intrude on your Garcia time. Therefore, he thought it would be a good idea to buy your favourite pastries and beverage from your favourite café. He wanted to see you just for a bit and see your smile. Seeing that smile would really make his day. So with drinks and pastries in hand, he made his way to the 'Batcave'. He had food for you, him, and Penelope (he didn't want to leave her out).

As he was approaching the room, he could somewhat hear your conversation. However, as he got closer that's when he could truly hear the words that were being uttered. He stopped on a dead track. For what he heard knocked him out of his mismatched socks.

"Ahhh!!! Pen I gave Harvey the bouquet of flowers yesterday. We're officially dating"

" That's so good for Kitten!!! You've been gushing about that doctor all week"

Spencer was shocked. Never had you mentioned that you were seeing someone else. Let alone mentioned that you were interested in a 'Harvey'. Hearing this made his stomach turned. But he really didn't know why. Shouldn't he feel happy for you? You finally found someone who could potentially be a partner that you could spend your whole life with. However he couldn't help but think, where would he be in this equation. Will you have to forgo your friendship to spend time with this Harvey. His brain was running through the many possibilities that he didn't hear the door opening.

" Oh hey Spencie, glad to see you here," you remarked. There you stood at the door with those beautiful (y/e/c) eyes staring back at him.

"Hi there (y/n), I umm.. decided to go to that café you liked to pick up some coffee. While I was there I thought I'd also pick some pastries and drinks for you and Penelope. Uh here you go." he stated as handed the foods and beverages to you. Judging by your smile, you were very delighted by this surprise. You handed Garcia her drink and food.

"Ohh Spencer you are truly a sweetheart" Garcia thanked him. She had also offered Spencer to join them. A part of him wanted to, this was finally a chance to be with you. But another part of him dreaded it, for he was afraid that if he joined the topic of conversation would be about this Harvey. Weighing out the odds he declined Garcia offer.

" I'd really like to but I can't. Derek asked if I could help him with his paperwork umm.. as he seems to be a bit behind so I ahh.. really need to get back to work. I'll see you later." he fumbled with his words as he tried to come up with a good enough excuse. Hopefully, Derek would be willing to play along later.

" Okie Dokie then I'll see you later then. Bye-bye," you responded with a wave. Spencer returned the wave and made his way out of the room. As soon as he was out of your sight, he made a dash for it. Maybe Emily or Derek would know more about this 'Harvey'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since lunch hour was almost over he knew he could find them at their respective desks soon. He took a seat at his desk while waiting for either Morgan or Emily. While waiting, his brain kept running through the many possibilities of what this 'Harvey' guy is like. What made you attracted to him. Was it his looks? His Personality? How did you meet? He kept asking himself all these questions, but of course, his train of thought would be disturbed.

"Umm Spencer, you okay?" Emily concerned seeing him stare into space, it was definitely out of character for him.

Even though Spencer's first intention was to ask Emily and/or Derek about Harvey, the rational side of his brain thought that this was a bad idea. This is your love life, maybe he shouldn't be such a busy body. "Oh, it's nothing” Spencer tried to brush it off maybe he really shouldn’t pry into your love life.

Even though Emily didn’t buy it she didn’t want to pry him further. He’ll tell when he's ready. But of course, Spencer's brain wouldn't let him rest. How long have you been dating? What if you got married to 'Harvey'? Oh, screw it!!!

“Has (y/n) mentioned seeing anyone?” Spencer hesitantly asked Emily

“No. Not That I'm aware of”

Spencer was obviously saddened by this. He was hoping that someone other than Penelope would have intel on Harvey.

"Why is she seeing someone?" Emily was truly shocked. Seeing the way Spencer and you interacted, she thought you two would have a major crush on one another. I mean It was pretty obvious on Spencer's part.

" I mean I'm not too sure. I overheard her conversation with Penelope..." Spencer explained further the details he heard to Emily.

As soon as Spencer finished explaining to Emily, Derek made his appearance. What perfect timing.

" What you two gossiping about?" Derek inquired. Seeing Emily and Spencer so close to each other meant that whatever they were talking about had to be juicy.

" A guy named Harvey stole Spencer's chance on asking (y/n) out" Even though she knew Spencer was having an internal meltdown on this situation, she couldn't help but tease him.

" Hey, I don't have a crush on (y/n). I just wanted to know if either knew more about Harvey. So far the only thing I know is that he's a doctor "

" Wait, I think I know who this 'Harvey' guy is." As soon as Derek stated those words Spencer turned his head and focused towards him.

Spencer was shocked. I mean Emily didn't know anything about Harvey. The girls of the BAU rarely kept secrets from each other. How would Derek know? Or was he just trying to trick him the way most older brothers do to their younger siblings?

" Yeah if I'm not mistaken he's a doctor who works in a clinic. Penelope was telling me how (y/n) would totally be interested in a guy like him. From what she said he's a kind-hearted coffee addict who's into jazz and model planes"

Recalling back from the conversation, Penelope did mention that he was a doctor. Therefore, the Harvey that Derek was telling them had to be the same Harvey he overheard. This was exactly what Spencer wanted, he wanted to know more about Harvey. He got what he wanted yet he felt despaired by this info. But why?

His sad facial expression was obvious to Derek and Emily. You didn't need to be a profiler to be able to see it.

" Hey, Spence don't be sad. Maybe this relationship won't last and then you'll have another chance to ask her out" Emily joked trying her best to reassure him.

" For the last time, I don't have a crush on (y/n). Sure I'm a little bit sad that we won't get to hang out like we used BUT I'm not sad that she finally found a partner. A partner that will spend their whole life making her happy" Spencer tried to convince Derek and Emily. But the way he was explaining it was as if he was also trying to convince himself.

" Really?" Derek raised an eyebrow. He obviously wasn't convinced.

" Yes. My feelings to her are 100% platonic" trying to further convince them.

" Your sad at the idea that she'd likely spend less time with you right?" Derek asked Spencer.

" Yes"

" Why would you be sad in the first place. You weren't sad when JJ started spending less time with you when she and William started to get serious"

" That's different. The dynamic that I have with JJ is different from the dynamic I have with (y/n)"

" Oh really, how so?" a smug tone was now evident in Derek's voice.

" I don't know," Spencer was somewhat frustrated with this interrogation that Derek was conducting.

" The way I see it is your jealous of the idea of her spending time with someone else because you want her to use that time with you"

" That doesn't prove that I have a crush on her," Spencer tried to rebuttal.

" That's not the only thing pretty boy, you also bought drinks and foods for her just so you could spend time with her. You spend most of your time talking and thinking about her. Which is exactly what we're doing right now," Derek continued listing all the other signs that proved that Spencer had a crush on you.

" Well, there you go. All the signs of a crush. Therefore you have hots for (y/n)," Derek teased Spencer.

Maybe Derek was right. Maybe he did have a crush on you.

Shocked at the newfound feelings he had for you, he decided to take a sip of the coffee he bought. He stopped drinking when he realized that this wasn't his drink, but rather Gracia's. He was contemplating if he should return it or wait for Garcia to retrieve her rightful drink. However, since it's been a good 15 minutes since his visit to Garcia's office, he knew he would have to make the first move.

" I'll be right back. I accidentally took Garcia's drink."

Once spencer was out of hearing range, Emily started her own little interrogation.

" Hey! I thought we ALL agreed that (ship name) should and will happen. It was Garcia who came up with the name for goodness sake. Why would she Garcia set (y/n) with somebody else?"

" Trust me Harvey is not who you think he is"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At this point in time, he thought all conversations of Harvey would halt. He was so wrong. But what he heard this time, made him sick to his stomach.

" If I play my cards right, I should be able to propose in roughly two weeks. After proposing we'll get married after three days. Then I'll have Harvey as my beloved husband" Your chipper voice most likely reflected the immense joy that you were feeling. This was such a huge contrast to what he was feeling. He had this really uneasy feeling in his stomach. A sense of hopelessness, anguish and despair took over his body.

This was a bad idea. You've only just started officially dating yesterday but now you have already planned to get married in less than a month. In their line of work, you should have known better than jumping into a relationship like that.

For a second he thought that this was simply jealousy speaking. Maybe it wasn't right to interfere. But after a second thought, he knew that this was crazy. He will try to talk you out of this little senseless escapade later. For now, he'd stick to his original plan

With a knock on the door, he made his entrance. He handed Penelope her correct drink and she returned his back. Thank whatever deities existed that prevented Penelope from taking a sip from spencer's coffee.

" Hey Spencie, since I should be getting back to my desk let's walk back together" Before even waiting for a response, you instantly made your way next to him. You both said your goodbyes to Garcia and made your way back to your desk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since you planned on proposing to Harvey in two weeks, he knew he had to confront you today and the sooner the better. Throughout the whole day, Spencer has been meaning to talk to you. First, it was during your walk back to the desks. He thought he could broach the subject, however, since it was the end of lunch hour a whole slew of people was in the halls. He couldn't have a private conversation with you.

He made another attempt when he saw you alone in the break room. Even though the break room had an open concept, it was already 5pm therefore half of the people on this floor had already left. Though he wanted to have this conversation in private, this opportunity was better than nothing. He was about to get up from his desk but then he saw Anderson making his way to the break room. He then started a conversation with thus ruining his chances to talk to you ALONE in the break room.

Alright, third times the charm. There he stood outside the door of your apartment. He was kind of hoping you wouldn't be home however he could see the light coming through from under the door and hear your footsteps from inside. He was practically shaking like a leaf, his hands were clammy and rehearsing was he was going to say under his breath. It's now or never.

DING DONG

Once he rang the doorbell, his heart had begun pounding rapidly and a sense of doom began to surface. A part of him wanted to make a run for it, in fact, he was about to make a run for it. But then the door opened.

" Hey Spencie, surprise to see you here. What brings you here at night?" Spencer had been practising on what he was going to say to you the whole day. Before reaching your apartment he had already decided which version of the speech he wanted to say. But now standing here and seeing you in your pyjamas, he ended up fumbling with his sentences. It was a mess.

Your face contorted in confusion, no denying you were puzzled at the words Spencer was trying to say. However, since you were only wearing your pyjamas and still standing at the door, the night air started nipping at your skin. Since the cold was starting to get to you, you invited Spencer inside. Hopefully, he'll be able to properly compose his word inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spencer was currently sitting on your couch while you were in the kitchen brewing up some coffee. He felt somewhat defeated since he couldn't get the right words out. His shaking hands were the evidence of his nervousness. He needed to calm down.

Breathe in

Breathe out...

Breathe in

Breathe out...

You did always say the breathing exercises did help calm your nerves. Now he was a little bit more calmed and composed. His hands were a little bit shaky but definitely more steady. Rehearsing what he was going to say, he felt like he was ready. He planned to say something around these lines:

1. Tell her what you overheard. Don't forget to apologize for listening to their private conversation.

2. Congratulate you on your new relationship.

3. Try to find out more about Harvey. Maybe she'll tell him something about the relationship that is a major red flag (besides the upcoming proposal)

4. Tell her about overhearing her wanting to propose. Don't forget to apologize again for snooping on a private conversation.

5. Try to put a stop to the engagement. Statistical facts would help to suede her to not propose.

In the many versions of his speech, he did include confessing his feelings but decided against it. It would have been selfish of him to do so. If you did find your true love he'll try to support you the best he can, even if it kills him. But he definitely could not support you in getting married so soon into a relationship. Even if he didn't have feelings for you he would still try to talk you out of it; it was a crazy idea in general.

His internal speech rehearsal was interrupted when he heard the door's of the kitchen opening and the closing. You made your way to the couch with two mugs in hand, you handed spencer's his coffee and set yours onto the coffee table.

" At first I thought your surprise appearance was because you wanted to hang out. But seeing you agitated and fumbling with your words, there's obviously something you want to tell me," Although your voice was calm and soothing, he couldn't help but feel like he was being called out, it just made him nervous.

Nervous to the point where he decided to forgo his original plan

" You can't marry him!!!" Spencer burst out to you.

" I'm sorry, Marry? Marry who exactly?"

" Harvey. I sorry but I overhear your conversation with Garcia earlier. I heard how to were going to propose to Harvey in two weeks"

"Spencer," You called his name in order to stop him. it didn't work.

"From what I heard you only began officially dating yesterday. Also congratulations to that"

"Spencer"

"But I think it's way too soon to propose"

"Spencer"

"Did you know that research surveyed 3000 people, those that dated one to two years dropped their likelihood of divorce by 20 percent at any given time point and those who dated three or more dropped to 50 percent. And..."

" SPENCER!!!"

Spencer stopped his ramble midway. The room became silent. But then your laughter broke said silence.

" Spencer I think you need a little bit more context," you said while rubbing the tears from your little laughing session. "I think instead of telling you maybe you should meet Harvey"

You went to your room to retrieve your laptop to bring it to the living room. Then, you made him sit right next to you so he could see your screen. After clicking on an icon of a chicken on your desktop, the screen opened up to a quaint tune played and the word 'Stardew Valley' appeared. At this point, Spencer was already able to piece it together.

On the screen, your farmer woke up from their bed

HARVEY

Then you had your farmer water the crops that were growing

IS

Then your farmer made their way to the town

The farmer then heads to the clinic. You then click on a brown hair character.

A

"Spencer say hi to Harvey"

On the screen out pops out a dialogue box. Next to the dialogue was a pixelated art of a man with a moustache and glasses. At the bottom of the image was the name of the character: Harvey.

VIDEOGAME CHARACTER

Harvey is a videogame character

Spencer felt a wave of embarrassment wave throughout his body. This moment could easily topple the ranks of Spencer's other embarrassing moments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judging by the prominent blush on his face and the lack of eye-contact, you could tell that he was embarrassed by this predicament.

" So let me get this straight, you thought I was gonna marry someone I've only been dating for less than a month. And you came here to talk me out of it?" confirmation of his action would help understand this situation better. Plus it was cute to see him blush.

" Yes," he answered timidly.

" In our line of work, I don't think so," hopefully a joke would bring back his spirits.

" That's what I thought of too" Spencer chuckled.

The feeling of comfort was present in the room. Now would be a perfect time, here goes.

" You wanna know why out of all the other town's folks, Harvey was the one I choose"

Spencer gave you a confused look

"Cause he's one who's the most like you. You're both shy, love your coffee way too much and plus you kinda look alike. I guess what I'm trying to say is the reason I'm dating Harvey is cause he's just like you. And I uhh.... really wanna date you cause I like you," now it was your turn to avoid eye contact and fumble with your words.

Throughout your confession, Spencer just sat there quietly with his mouth agape. " I completely understand if you don't feel the same, we can continue to be just friends if you want..." you continued on using whatever reassurance needed to be said in order to save your friendship.

Your little ramble stopped when Spencer uttered these beautiful words:

" I feel the same way. I like you too"

With the two of you knowing your true feelings for one another, you looked at each other with a loving look. "So now that I know I don't have to compete with Harvey, How would you like to go out on a date with me?" Spencer asked.

" I'd loved to go on a date with you"

[spritelysprites]

a series of things surrounding my listening to trc audiobooks with my mum: 

her favourite raven boy is noah

she thinks the pig is obnoxious as hell (and she’s not wrong)

she agrees that blue reminds her of me in the stubbornness and determination to be weird as hell

she loved chainsaw so much, it was so funny

she hated monmouth manufacturing so much from the start. it only got funnier with the kitchen/bathroom description

she liked gansey right away, while I had the gut reaction that comes with a character fitting the description of “rich kid without much regard for anyone else’s feelings who can call up a helicopter on a whim and wears goddamn polo shirts”

oh yeah she thought noah’s “I’ve been dead seven years” comment was hilarious and when they found the body she sat bolt upright and was like “WAIT”

adam is her least favourite raven boy?? I don’t understand how but okay

she relates a lot to maura which makes sense given that while I was reading I related a lot to blue’s dynamic with maura

she ADORES calla, as she should

her favourite book was the dream thieves while mine is either that or blue lily lily blue

she literally spends every scene noah is in smiling

she doesn’t like declan but adores matthew (no surprise there)

when it was revealed matthew was one of ronan’s dreams she said “NO” really loudly, which is saying something given that most fictional plot twists she doesn’t care about

she has no patience for gwenllian (but that could be the audiobook narrator)

will patton’s voice is amazing just so you all know, he’s so fantastic and it creates such a cool and interesting atmosphere for the story

she is very invested in the lynch brother’s dynamics

she thought the toga party in trk was hilarious. every so often when I leave for school she asks if I have a toga party to go to. I am forced to say no. she calls me a loser.

as blue and gansey walk into the toga party there's a scene where someone sees blue and is like "holy fuck we got girls???" my mum thought that was the funniest thing ever

she didn’t pick up on ronan’s crush on adam (or adam’s crush on ronan) until the “the ocean burned” scene, when she turned to me and was like “oh my god are they going to kiss??” and I had to say “you’ll see I guess”

like. “adam parrish was ronan’s second secret” went straight over her head. I repeated it for her and was like “hmmmmm wonder what this could mean” and she was like “I honestly have no idea”

it was so funny. something would happen between them and she’d be like “wait, do they like each other? no, they’re friends. wait...”

I think she started suspecting around the hand lotion scene but immediately forgot until trk

to be entirely fair to her she’s in her fifties and took me coming out super well, heteronormativity has just made sure she didn’t have any expectations for them and I’m making it my mission to open the eyes of the Older Generations (tm)

yes I think I’m funny. yes I had her watch carmilla a couple years ago during my webseries phase

she legitimately thought they were going to kill opal to get gansey back

she also immediately understood that noah was permanently gone but neither of us fully get why noah would have mentioned glendower at all

she loves henry cheng. so much.

she keeps thinking the solution to their problems is to kill the orphan girl. I guess the night horrors set a precedent for that but also no. I love her. absolutely not. the gangsey kills opal over my dead body.

she ultimately decided that she liked the series and noah was definitely her favourite raven boy, although she absolutely loved maura and calla as well.

[superparadise-ghost]

i was wondering where the sad orange boy was omg. what is his book about

he's still kicking for sure! I've been doing a lot of work on his character as well as Adrien's and Bella's, who I guess you might remember if you remember Rhys

(by the way, before I get into this, for anyone who has NO idea what we're on about, Rhys was a Percy Jackson OC of mine way back in 2018. I posted a LOT about him, Adrien and Bella, who were originally the children of Hecate, Aphrodite and Apollo respectively. there was a lot of angst around Rhys, which, rather than fix, I have made much much worse lol)

the book is (at this stage) called Burn your Life Away, and it's essentially a book about deciding that after so many years of misery you want to start trying trying get better. it isn't necessarily about the healing process itself; just that big decision of 'I don't WANT to be unhappy any longer. how can I try and fix this when it's all I know?'.

Rhys (or, if you will, sad orange boy) is struggling with very poor mental health alongside a huge crush on (drumroll please) Adrien Lau-Pelletier, his best friend. the book follows as he meets the mother who has been absent his whole life and who dies literally days after meeting him as a result of her own mental issues. he sees a lot of himself in her and hates it, and realises that he doesn't want to end up like her, so he starts thinking about how to go about seeking help when he's spent the last 7 years pretending he doesn't want it.

along the way he meets Bella Goseyun, Adrien's university friend, who was originally named Bella Swarchovski on this blog. she's a big part of helping Rhys try to get better, and he quickly becomes close friends with her.

due to all THAT going on, Rhys sort of forgets to check in with Adrien, who is a spectacularly bubbly and cheerful guy with a bit of trauma that he doesn't talk much about. this leads to a huge, blown up argument between Adrien, whose struggling with his own relationships, and Rhys, who isn't used to seeing the one he loves most suffer so much.

in the end everything js resolved, but the book covers a lot of real world, tough shit. the background characters all have their own problems that Rhys slowly starts to see as he focuses less on his own misery: Daniel, his older brother, is having troubles with trying to find his place in the world as he approaches his thirties; Bella is working on undoing all the trauma she went through when she was sent away to a Catholic boarding school; Adrien's older siblings, Juliette and Michael, are both on the other side of traumatic events, and this sort of leaves Adrien a little lost, because he's still reeling from them.

anyway. just like in general it's a book about humanity and how rough it can be, but how important it is to not let yourself drown in your own tragedies, and to reach out when you start falling.

my favourite parts so far have been writing Rhys' interactions with Daniel and Bella (separately) because their dynamics are so strange and funny. you have Rhys, who's sarcastic and brooding and self-hateful, and then you have Daniel, who is like an eighteen year old, joyful kid in a twenty-seven-year-old body, and Bella, who's laid back and humorous and mischievous. Adrien and Rhys's relationship is, obviously, also really interesting to write– you can definitely see that they both care infinitely about each other, but before they can properly tackle THAT, they need to look at themselves and realise they have their own issues that need to be worked through.

everyone should feel free to send me asks about the characters or the books! I'd be MORE than happy to ramble about it all. I'm currently 45000 words in, and probably about halfway through. I'm hoping to try and have it published by next year, and finally send Rhys, Adrien and Bella out into the world, after living in my brain (and this silly little blog) for so many years :)

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hiiii!!! 💫💕🌸🥳

Can I bother with a question... I was (re)watching that zhang qiling edit (not today) - 'cause it's so cool, btw- and I wondered if Reboot Xiaoge’s your favourite one...? And if you're up to answering, what do you think about the other adaptations? Especially (our small bean) xiao yuliang's interpretation of xiaoge?

🤗🌺💐🐰💕

Hey, my precious patootie hehe ILY it always makes me very happy knowing that you rewatch my vids <3

lol dang it, I was kinda hoping to avoid this question, just because I feel like I'd find it hella hard to explain some things, but I'll try my best and hopefully it'll make some sense xD

I'll start from afar bc I wanna try to explain my reasonings, since I don't want to go without arguments into such highly debated question lolz. I talked about this a bit in my previous asks somewhere, but not broadly as to why that one guy hit all the right spots.

So throughout the books Wu Xie always does this wonderful thing, where he very tangibly describes the feeling he gets when Xiaoge is near, I mean like the aura around him. And he always somehow does it so colorful, that this mix of safety, assurance, calmness, composure and some things I can't quite put into one noun, that he brings to him, I think everyone who've read the books can recognize as this almost magical "Xiaoge feeling". It's not just the way he acts in some dangerous situations or smth like that. It's just everything. You either have it or you don't. And here goes my first argument... to me none of them, except for Huang Junjie and Yuliang have it.

I mean it's not even the obvious stuff, it's like the way they move during the action scenes, the way they even stand and hold themselves, the way they touch Wu Xie, the tone of their voices (both of which are like soothing as fuck), little things you'd think wouldn't matter, but when you watch it and all the puzzle pieces are together, you're like... fuck yeah, thats him.

Also not really that weighty of a point, but to me there's always a joy to see that the actor who plays the character not only gets what's he's playing, but also loves it, bc it's always seen on screen. Usually when some asked about the character they play and what they have in common for example they answer with obvious things like if some character is introverted they're like "well I also don't talk very much" or smth like that, you know what I mean. When I was watching interviews of Yuliang and Huang Junjie I was just smiling so much, bc they've said such things that made me go "yeah, Qiling is safe in their hands".

In Reboot case working in such close proximity with the author definitely also played a huge role here. Bc it kinda gets complicated in some aspects since the books are written from Wu Xie's point of view and you can't only base your picture on his perspective, just bc it's coming from a person who after being basically told "you're my whole world" goes "I'm just a person he randomly passes by in his long life" in his thoughts. Not only he's utterly clueless and dumb when it comes to all this, that he wouldn't notice the way Qiling looks at him and other things, its also not that kind of book, that would go "I suddenly caught poker face looking at me like I'm his whole existence" (and I honestly don't want it to be that book lmao). So you have to take into the account here stuff like what author says to get the whole picture, bc if you look at that from the point of Qiling's view for example, this shit takes a whole wild turn. So I really loved that in UN and Reboot ways of showing Qiling's feelings were well thought out and fit the timeline.

Bc it also works both ways, when it comes to other adaptations. Like Qiling is very and I mean ETREMELY hard to win over. We all know that it was a very long process of gaining his trust and even longer for him to fall for Wu Xie to the point of him being his everything. So what I want in those interpretations is for them to get at which point of their relationships what Xiaoge's behavior makes sense. I do not need any fanservice if it ruins the character, I'll just hate it. The thing that their feelings didn't come out of nowhere is what I LOVE about this ship, bc I'm not the kind of person who believes in "we love for nothing" thing and love at first sight thing (only "got hots for each other" at first sight), bc thats bull. Wu Xie became his everything after a long LONG process of getting to know each other. At the beginning tho he was the same stranger to him as everyone else. So what Reboot Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie yet and what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what Lost Tomb's Qiling feels for Wu Xie (which at that point was nothing). And I feel like not everyone gets the fact that you can totally wreck the character if you make him behave not the way he behaved in that particular time. Like for example, if someone would make a MDZS adaptation where at the very beginning of their relationships LZ treats WWX the way he treated him after the reincarnation just because "who cares, it's still LZ", that would be dumb af, see what I mean. So Xiaoge having a weakness for Wu Xie in part one is automatically not a Xiaoge to me, bc a huge part of his character and the thing NPSS speaks a lot about is just how IMPOSSIBLE it is for someone to catch his attention and how long it took Wu Xie to get there. So let's just say to me UN and Reboot Qilings for the first time didn't feel like some mashup or character summary/parody, they were Qilings the way they are supposed to be in that part of the story, bc it was the only times someone actually bothered to coordinate it.

Now as to why I prefer one to another. Xiaoge has this thing... the way he holds himself with other people, that is sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally suppressing.

Like everyone knows that if you're a passerby, Qiling genuinely doesn't fucking care and would in fact be pretty harsh about it in terms of treating people like they do not deserve their attention. He won't be like "please, don't bother me", he simply ignored them like an empty space. He is also like that with acquaintances who in his opinion do not deserve his respect like that girl who went hysterical, bc she was upset that he was the only one who wasn't drooling on her like all other men on the crew, Chen Wenjin, Wu Xie's uncles and etc. He's not openly disrespectful unless they trigger him in some way (usually by trying to act superior or later on for not treating Wu Xie right), but if they do, he will in fact remind them their place in sometimes a very rude way, at times humiliating them in front of ppl bc he looks younger than them and talking starts.

He's always doing things on his own terms and hates being told what to do. Like he legit scared Chen Wenjin just with a look and the tone of his voice when he said "let go", when she tried to command him on the mission and grabbed him trying to lecture him about what he should or shouldn't do. That's why Wu Erbai didn't even try anything like this and let him do whatever he needed to do and equally lead the mission in Reboot. And why the scene where Wu Xie 'commands' "Xiaoge, come back" and he immediately listens holds another special place in my heart. Bc he NEVER and I mean NEVER allows such things to ANYONE.

So here I came to a point of why despite loving them both dearly, my favorite Xiaoge is Huang Junjie.

I have this dissonance with Yuliang's version when to me in many scenes it felt like he and Wu Xie are the same age. Like if he was Xiaoge, but in his 20s. In his interactions with Chen Wenjin the dynamics was turned upside down, with him being okay with her telling him what to do and just in general the way she behaved with him. Same as like I didn't always quite believe him to be on par with older generation or even Pangzi, it just felt like he was truly younger than them. Some scenes that I do find extremely cute just don't fit book Xiaoge at all, I'm talking about some moments like his face when Wu Xie gave him food, or him pouting and many things he's done, when you were going "uwu he's a baby". He just never gives me this feeling in the books ever, not just bc he's 100 years old, but sad fact here.. bc he's simply unable to behave that way. Like in the books you'll desperately want to shower him with love, but he's just... I can't quite explain, it's very sad.

I guess it's just you know these characters, who are like hundreds years old, but look like they're 18? I think you have to be very careful with how you write those, so you could deliver that. And in UN because of some changed dynamics and scenes I straight up forgot about it, until Wu Xie threw some joke like "he's an old man" in front of a restaurant.

In Reboot Xiaoge could make Wu Erbai stutter with one move, put Yuliang's version in the same scene, I just don't think it would've worked. Like I'm trying to imagine him telling UN's Wu Erbai what to do and having troubles already haha. Same as I don't think he's capable to be genuinely mad at Wu Xie, and HJJ nailed it esp in one of my fav when Wu Xie was laughing at Pangzi's joke about him catching cold. The look he gave him and how ZYL just retreated was priceless xD. And boy could Qiling get angry with him in the books!

Otherwise I didn't have any drastic fall outs there, like with Joseph's Wu Xie and Ah Ning's death, because that was just too much of a difference, but there were still moments where it was once again this the same scene completely different emotion thing. He was more tolerable to ppl in general here, more pliable. And 50% of the time he gave me the cute lost kitten type, which I just cannot connect with the feeling he gave me in the books. His personality is a cat type 100%, but like seriously "cute baby" is the last word combination I would ever apply to book Xiaoge, but with Yuliang's version it's easily applied. So small bean he is indeed. With Joseph and in UN it works incredibly perfect to me, but the way he is in UN is at times too gentle. And there are lots of scenes where Joseph himself looked at him in a way "you're too cute, let me pinch your cheeks" kind of way, or the way he like sat down next to him on the coast, he was a bit babying him at times. I can't imagine book pingxie doing that. It's just a whole different vibe, the way he takes care of him, the way he lets him take care of him... it's...uuuuuuuuu another vibe (see, I'm so good at explaining lmao).

It's also kinda funny to me, bc HJJ who's the smallest and who irl truly a kitten never once gave me that feeling on screen for some reason. The one babied and loved by every crew and old ppl, who was cutely hiding behind ZYL's back on set, who won't sue an ex who almost ruined his career bc of how stupid she is, bc he "didn't want to hurt her", who according to staff can't even step on a fly, whom CMH was petting for several minutes after he had to hit him with a prop brick bc he didn't wanna do it lmao. I was just like.. ok, this is hilarious, bc I in fact didn't expect him to be a small bean, so watching all the bts made me go LOOOOL. Probably ZYL acting like a 3 year old helped him transform and the age difference problem got lost lmao

As for other adaptations. You know I can't watch seriously "Lost Tomb", I think some ppl probably have some nostalgic feeling about it, but I'm sorry, to me it's fucking hilarious. Like I've already said it looks like some type of twilight parody thing or smth. Soft damselle Wu Xie esp killed me, bc 1st when he ever was that, 2nd in the first book he's salty af, I don't even know this dude in this interpretation, I was like who's this. YangYang I know him from other things, I really don't think it's his role. I know the script and everything is bad. I know the costume and hair are horrendously funny, but it's just I was watching him in those action scenes and was like no... just I'm sorry but I'm not feeling it. I simply just don't know what to say about the whole thing seriously, bc I don't even know where to start. 10 episodes of some salad finished with one mutilated scene from book 6 for no reason the fact that characters are weird themselves also I can't quite tell, did they really just meet or they imply smth else lmao.. I'm sorry, but I do not get it.

I've given LT2 another try after finishing all the books and I've dropped it half way through, Cheng Yi wasn't even close to how I pictured Xiaoge in any aspect. He in fact didn't do anything OOC or off the book or anything, I just was like "not my Qiling". Happens sometimes.

Explore with the note you already know how I feel about this lol let's just forget.

P.S. To be fair here also maybe we should take into account the fact that some got luckier than other with "at which point" Xiaoge they're playing. Like for example, "Wrath of the Sea" and "Qingling Tree" books which is LT2 is not exactly you can say much about Qiling there, he trolls them there in the beginning (in a brilliant way that was totally lost in the adaptation) and he is there in "Wrath of Sea", but it's not the part that can make his character shine in any way, there's not much things happening there that would make you fall for him or get to know him; Yuliang grabbed the fattest piece bc it's middle several books, when they're always together and his character shines the most in terms of clues about past, opening up to Wu Xie and Pangzi, and there are many many events where you can get the picture of what kind of man he is; Huang Junjie grabbed my fav piece of utter devotion, where he's already fully and wholeheartedly belongs to Wu Xie, that I'm just weak for. So like... there's also that I guess xD.

[hyunjinspark]

ahh i havent sent anything in a while but i just wanted to let you know that im very much present on your blog and reading every single ask you answer !! i also read the last star lost update and in all honesty among all the aus and books ive read in my life (and ive read a lot) this is my absolute favourite!!

i’ll try to comment on the chapter a bit more detailed once my semester is over and im on a break but !! as always the way you write hyunjin and yn is amazing 🥺 actually while im at it lemme comment on the chapter as a whole lmao

despite the whole situation and general (hyunjin and hana, hyunjin and yn, felix and yn etc etc) i just wanted to say that the whole friendship dynamic is really cute and fun to read 🥺 i love it a lot (despite the whole hana situation) also hyunjin and yn are just sooo cute together and i love their convos a lot but i feel so bad for felix 😭 (also him interrupting every time theres a ‘moment’ 👀 pretty sure hes doing that for his own sake hehe) guess we’ll have to see how that plays out… but also excited for more yn and felix interaction especially on his bday party but also the whole chocolate making thing…

also yeonjun 😳 you mentioned he’d appear in the au but i didnt expect it so soon (and the convo him hyune and yn had was very insightful to say the least; poor yeonjun, hes such a nice guy 🥺) omg im really excited for when yn and hana actually get to have a real talk about the whole situation especially after her and hyunjin called things off for now (which im not too excited about even though i wanted it to happen, but i cant help but feel like this is just the calm before the storm (and its not like hyune and yn will just suddenly be able to date each other 😭))

hmm what else… if i could i would comment on every single dialogue but i have to get back to studying 😭 but also yn sleeping on hyune in the train reminded me of only fools 😭 and all the tiny things like the streusel bread shjdjdjd youre such a great writer 🥺 and just the whole scene at the end was just adorable i love star lost so much 🥺 but as previously mentioned, i cant help but think of this as the calm before the storm but that depends on your plans for the future chapters 😵‍💫

on another note! im so excited for the book you have coming out soon because you’re genuinely my favourite writer ever 😭 ive never felt so enthralled by anyones writing like this before so im looking forward to it a lot 🥺 please take care of yourself (i remember seeing you say that you were sick a few days ago) and don’t remember to take breaks eat well and stay hydrated!! hope you have a great weekend and following week as well 🫶

ah also! im curious about you as a person as well so i wanted to know if you have any hobbies? i think your work has something to do with digital arts (sorry if i got that wrong) but hows that like? (if its not too personal) and are there any tv shows movies youve watched recently? (sorry i have this habit of wanting to know a lot about people haha..you can just ignore questions if they make you uncomfy) also last but not least, i love the star lost playlist you made 🥺 i always listen to it while reading the chapters 🫶

-🦥

hi cutie ! im sorry for the delay in getting around to this ask about part 7. first of all, whaaat ?? of all the books youve read ? you will make me cry 😭 i hope your semester is going well <33

im glad you love their friendship dynamic, i love writing all the little relationships and connections to each other. it was my favorite thing to do in only fools. hyunjin and yns convos are so so so cute indeed 😭 they make me smile crazily.

you’re absolutely right about it being the calm before the storm haha ! things will not be that easy for hyun and yn even after they ended with hana. i guess you would have seen that in part 8 itself.

this whole message is so sweet and so full of love. thank you so much, don’t worry im not sick anymore and im taking care of myself, you’re so kind.

the fact that you’re curious about me makes me giggle haha😭 i am really really into pop culture, half of my personality is that haha. i do work with digital arts and designing packaging and brands 🫶🏻 it’s not too personal, don’t worry ! it’s really good actually, i love the arts and anything to do with the creative process so ive pretty much always wanted to do this! and for recent movies and shows, umm i have to think about that cause i watch a lot of random stuff when i get the time haha. but i can tell you my favorite movies ! it would probably be: arrival, interstellar, scott pilgrim vs the world, black swan…warm bodies, everyday, the day after tomorrow, and i can’t think of more but there are tons lmao 🎬 im so glad you like my playlist, im surprised people heard it 😭😭🥺🥺