#has 20+ energy drinks to read books all night and day

[inafallsaway]

My girlie actively killing her already fucked immune system

[melkyt]

Coming back to yet another version of this au, my favorite flavore, yes. Something about this Luffy running around natural disasters and burning buildings has me wild. And ofc Law as the workaholic never slowing down, and with one foot in the grave, until something convinces him to care about his own health. YUM, So, anyway, onto the plot haha

Rescue EMT!Luffy is always on call during night shifts at the hospital. He's 20 and has boundless energy.

Law, the son of the previous hospital admin, and in his last year of yet another med degree, works nights to pay off his debts. He has no family, and the few friends he has are miles away.

Law is functioning on at least ten coffees and at least 2 energy drinks, his last solid 8 hours of sleep was years ago. He doesn't even remember people can do that.

The hospital is usually empty, which is super boring for Luffy, and he is usually allowed to wander until Ace pages him that it is time to go. But Ace is out and much to his annoyance, he is on phones.

Law usually hangs around in the employee lobby during breaks, it has comfortable chairs and the best internet. He keeps his pager on the table if any patients need him, or there is an emergency. Despite his age, Law is the best Doctor they have on staff, trained in just about everything as he never slows down.

Ace tends to leave Law alone unless the other wants to talk about new theories in medicine and how they apply in the field. Law finds himself lacking in field medicine, so he always wants to know more.

Luffy has never in his life left anyone he finds interesting alone. Luffy starts interrogating Law about his tattoo's, and how come he is allowed to keep them? He thought the hospital had strict cause, Ace has to cover his up when he's on shift. Luffy has his own but his uniform covers it. Ace barely bothers to wear his uniform.

Law ignores his question, partially because he can't get a word in between Luffy's chattering. He barely manages to say his name, which is promptly shortened to Traffy. He gives up at that point, going back to his books, without much luck.

See, Luffy is not boring enough to tune out. The way he talks and the stories he tells are interesting. Law forgets his school work and listens, giving a piece of his mind here and there. It does not take him long to find the flow in Luffy's waterfall of words. The odd phone call barely distracts as he pauses to read out the hospital provided script with his own flare, before going back to rattling about whatever they stopped on.

This is the most Law has talked in years. It is almost a shame when his pager rings to call him back to work.

Luffy starts taking phones more often, much to the surprise of everyone, but he really just wants to talk to Traffy.

Night becomes more berable, and Law finds he needs less caffeine to stay awake, as he looks forward to the talks with Luffy, and that fuels him more than even he expects.

Luffy takes every chance to invite Traffy to go out on the town with his friends.

Law says no, he has to go to class right after work, so he needs those two hours of sleep, there is no time for clubbing or whatever Luffy plans to do (its boardgames, the strawhats 100% have boardgame nights)

Luffy says, "Okay, next time, Traffy!" Every time.

Law nods "Next time" That is how they part every night.

Until there is not a next time. Luffy doesn't show up for work one day. He said he would, even if it wasn't on phones, he'd stop by when he can, Luffy has never broken a promise to hang out. So when he doesn't show and neither does his older brother, Law is frantic with panic, but he doesn't even know Luffy's phone or his full name. For all their talk, he knows nothing about Luffy.

One day passes, then two, then a week. Nobody really knows anything about Luffy at the hospital either. They say he is a nice kid and fun to be around with all his energy, but thats it.

He is even more of a mess than usual when he finally finds out. Courtesy of a blonde that showed up in the hospital by climbing through the lobby window, which is on the fourth floor. The man had burn scars across half his body and said his name was Sabo

He informed Law that there was an explosion and that Luffy was trapped in rubble for a few days but he only just woke up and is asking for Law, he's in another hospital not far from here.

Law wastes not time, grabbing his coat and id, leaving everything else behind.

Sabo's car is a battered blue thing that complains at just being on the road, with every wild turn. Law holds on for dear life until they pull up to a tiny little whole in the wall that he would not call a hospital. Yet inside everything looks state of the art.

Even the hospital they work in, considered the best in the city, can't afford the machines Luffy is hooked up to.

Luffy jumps up in the bed as soon as he sees Traffy, almost pulling out his IV if not the firm hand stopping him. Ace is not as injured as Luffy but has clearly been through it.

"I'll leave you two, but you hurt my brother, and you'll be in a bed right next to him," Ace warns as he passes.

Law ignores him. He does not know what to say, at a loss for words. He thought he lost Luffy, and that scare, like many others in his life, reminds him of just how fragile they are as humans. He almost lost another person he cared about, without even voicing it.

So he does, looking down at the floor, not wanting to face any sign of rejection.

"I love you to Traffy!" Luffy's smile is bright, not any less vibrant even with the new scar across his cheek. He pulls Law closer.

Their lips brush, the kiss is soft and full of desire, as though they have both been waiting for this since they first met.

Law does not leave Luffy's side after that, not even when Ace or Sabo try to chase him out to make him get something to eat.

Luffy knows so many people and is never alone. Another blonde, a younger man who always flirts with the receptionist (Robin), starts bringing food to Law as well, without a word picking up on things he does not like.

For the first time in a long time, it feels as Law is part of a family again, and it is all thanks to that one chance encounter with Luffy.

[airasora]

21. Any routines one has that the other had to get used to (ex. morning, nighttime, sleeping habits)? For all your OTPs!

Hollina

Lina is a morning parson, or rather she's "the sun is up, so I'm up" person. She hates the winter because of the lack of light and the cold, so that's when she becomes really sleepy. She practically has winter depression. Holli though prefers to wake up whenever. She's a night owl and has more energy during the evenings and nights than during the day. However, the sun or moon has nothing to do with that - it's just that she grew up in a nighttime environment so it's what her body is inevitably used to.

Rolfmaine

John is a very light sleeper and Anastasia is, unfortunately, someone who both snores and changes position in her sleep every 15 minutes. For a long time, John barely slept at all when he and Anastasia spent the night together. Eventually, they did the practical thing and started sleeping separately. Their night time routine consists of cuddling for a good half hour before going to sleep in their individual bedrooms. Whoever wakes up first, crawls into bed with the other so they get to wake up in each other's arms.

Thraxette

Odette talks to animals. All the time. If there's an animal, she'll talk to it. Thrax doesn't get it. What could an animal have to say that's worth listening to? It's weird. Just so fucking weird. But despite that, he'll wait patiently every time she's distracted by an animal she wants to strike up a conversation with. And, yeah, he can admit it's kinda cute.

Charmine

While both she and Christopher love energetic hobbies, like swordfighting, horseback-riding and dancing, Christopher also enjoys laid-back activities like reading. Jasmine however cannot sit still for that long. 10 minutes into a book and her leg starts to bounce. So she doesn't do well with just cuddling either. She likes cuddling, just not for very long or without something exciting going on at the same time. Like watching fireworks, a play, listen to music, anything at all. But she absolutely cannot sit still and just... chill.

Sinric

Sinbad can't dance. Can't play any instruments. Is overall extremely ignorant on anything artistic. Eric is extremely artistic, though. Plays the flute, dances randomly, can sing too. All Sinbad can do is clap, and even then, it's sometimes off beat. Both of them had to learn that the other is on the complete opposite on the artistic scale. Sinbad sometimes hates that stupid flute, and Eric loves waking him up with it.

Quaselle

Quasimodo and Belle are very similar in a lot of ways. Both enjoy books and stories, are somewhat introverted, and love spending quality time with each other even if they don't talk or even do the same activity. Quasimodo though has a very high work moral and is almost OCD either certain things. For example Belle will try to help him polish a bell and he knows that logically the way the bell is polished is just fine, but he HAS to be the one who polished the bell. So Belle might attempt to help, but Quasi winds up doing it himself again. It's a bit frustrating to Belle that she can't help him with any of his many chores in Notre Dame, but she understands that those bells and the gargoyles were his entire world for the first 20 years of his life, so his oddities with the way things are done make sense.

Bakerhood

Oh, hell, where to even begin with these two. Neither of them can cook, but Robin will attempt and burn something while Basil has hired someone to do it for him. It's more practical than wasting time and food resources. They both play the violin, but while Basil prefers classical music, Robin prefers upbeat music. More than once, they've had a violin duel where they just played completely different songs to annoy the other. Robin has a habit of leaving things around, like a mug he just finished drinking from, and Basil hates mess like that because it distracts him.

[hiswordsarekisses]

Absolutely amazing - convicting - inspiring - beautiful - I love it so very much!!!!!

From Lynette Hughes:

Intercessory prayer is done most often in private when no one is looking except God. Intercessory prayer is offered on behalf of others and intercessors rarely get any recognition in the church. The men that have been the most heroic for God have been the men with the greatest prayer life. America has produced some of the greatest prayer warriors in the world.

John Nelson Hyde was one of them. He was a missionary to Pakistan through whom millions of people accepted Jesus Christ. They say it was just awesome when this man went into prayer. There's a little book out on him called "Praying Hyde" that would be well worth your reading.

Edward Payson, {1783-1827} a Congregational pastor, better known as Praying Payson of Portland, Maine, was another great prayer warrior. He used to kneel at the side of his bed and pray, and pray, and pray. When they washed his body for burial, they found calloused pads on his knees like a camel.

Tradition says that Apostle James had camel's knees, but it's a living fact that Payson had them. When they were washing him, somebody said, "What abnormal knees. They're heavy with callouses." That's because he used to pray at the side of his bed with energy - and he wore two deep grooves about six or seven inches long into that hard floor where he prayed and made intercession. His prayers brought revival and during the 20 years of his ministry, his church witnessed more than 700 converts who came to saving faith in Jesus Christ.

Or what about Rees Howells? {1879-1950} one of the most effective intercessors of the 20th century and founder of the Bible College of Wales. Leonard Ravenhill met his widow Mrs. Rees Howells. They stood on the terrace of her home and she turned and said to him, "Do you see the room there?" He said, "Yes, I see that room." "That door?" "Yes." "Rees went through that door at six o'clock in the morning and he stayed there until six o'clock at night every day for 11 months except the one day that his mother died."

David Brainerd was an American missionary to Native Americans, especially the Delaware Indians of New Jersey,k who died at the age of 29. David had terminal tuberculosis and only weighed about 95 pounds. An entry from his diary reads: "I got up this morning and the Indians were still committing adultery and drinking and beating their tom-toms and shouting like hell itself. I prayed from a half hour after sunrise to a half hour before sunset. There was nowhere to pray in the Indian camp. I went into the woods and knelt in the snow. It was up to my chin."

No, he didn't have a heater with him or anything else. He was just there in the frigid snow, tuberculosis and all. He continued, "I wrestled in prayer until a half hour before sunset, and I could only touch the snow with the tips of my fingers. The heat of my body had melted the snow."

What amazing intercessory prayer! It was prayer which gave to his life and ministry their marvelous power. It was prayer that gave him an awareness and abhorrence of personal sin. It was prayer that centered his heart in God. It was prayer that made him long for more of Jesus. It was prayer that motivated his service.

David Brainerd, Praying Payson of Portland, John Hyde, and Rees Howells - when God puts the fire to their prayer life, I don't think there will be anything lost. It won't be flammable wood, hay or straw; it will be highly prized, gold, silver, and precious stones.

When Jesus examines our prayer life, will we receive a reward or will we experience loss? Well, God pity us. We can't even get people together long enough to pray for a half-hour; and we have velvet cushions on the chairs, central heating and air conditioning, and soft fluffy carpets on the floor. Brothers and Sisters, are you prepared to stand before the judgment seat of Christ? We may not have to fear the Lake of Fire, but will we need to fear the eyes of Christ that can be like fire piercing through all our hypocritical religiosity and pretense?

Lynette Hughes

[docolives]

MERROCK TASK #19 THE TINIEST DETAILS

do they drive? if so, do they enjoy driving or do they hate it? or somewhere in between? Livvy drives, but she definitely wouldn't say that she loves it! It's more of something that she does to get from point A to point B. But she isn't horrible at it, and would say that she falls somewhere in the middle of love and hate.

if they drive, where is their favorite location to drive to? As much as she falls in the middle of driving on love and hate, she honestly likes long road trips, just because if you're going to be driving, you might as well make it worth your while.

if they drive, do they own a vehicle? if so, what make and model? Yes, she does! Livvy has a 2020 Hyundai Ioniq, in scarlet pearl.

what bumper stickers do they have on their car? The only bumper sticker that Livvy has on her car is a little one in the back window, that can very easily be peeled off! It's for Harmony Healers.

what paintings and/or posters are on their walls? Seascapes and horse art. Stuff that she's picked up at the thrift stores and antique shops in town.

what is a song they listen to with the windows rolled down, turned all the way up, on the highway? Oh, there are so many! For as quiet and prim as Livvy can be, when she is in her car, she has the music up full blast and enjoys it to the fullest. She likes a lot of acoustic girly pop music, has been known to belt out some Lana Del Rey or Dua Lipa, too.

is there an artform they’ve always wanted to try (glassblowing, woodworking, painting, ect) but never have? if so, what about that artform speaks to them? Mandy got most of the artistic genes in the Hartman family, admittedly, so Livvy's a little slack in the art department. She would love to try more painting, though. Just to feel like when she was at The Color Wine, everyone said, 'oh! the other Hartman sister can paint, too!'

what time of day do they usually start getting sleepy? That entirely depends on the kind of day that she's had. If there were lessons at the barn after a full day of work, then Livvy's normally feeling it around nine, and in bed around ten. Weekends, she can stay up a lot later and that sleepy bug hasn't quite bitten yet!

do they catch a second wind? if so, what is their method for catching it (napping, drinking coffee, exercising, ect)? Yep! She's pretty good at waking herself up when she needs to, and mostly relies on coffee, but she's not against taking an energy drink, either, or a nice, cold shower. Or even just a brisk walk on the beach.

are they a nap person? if so, how long are their naps? do they set a 20 minute timer and wake up before it? or set no timer and wake up in the middle of the night? Now and then, but she's not the kind of person that needs a daily nap! And when she does, it's like... fifteen minutes, tops. Always set an alarm!

what is the most obscure book they’ve read? So many random horse books she plucked off the shelf at the library. Things like Doodlebug, Runaway Pony, Runaway Dog, The Perfect Horse.

what is a book that interested them so much they took it with them to the bathroom? Livvy used to read the Thoroughbred books so obsessively that she absolutely took them into the bathroom with her. No shame.

what did the air smell like during their childhood? The air always smelled like ocean when Livvy was growing up, but to her, childhood smelled like leather and fresh hay, sweet apples and sugar cubes. She spent most of her free time at the barn, just wanting to ride and be with the horses.

what is a core memory from their childhood that they look back on fondly and for comfort? The very first time that she got up on a horse. Not a pony where she was led around a ring, but allowed to hop up on a horse and go for a ride. It felt very freeing. That feeling reminds her all the time of why she does what she does.

when was the last time they were held, and truly held, for several minutes? who was it with? Livvy and Elliot are pretty affectionate, so maybe between the two of them, but otherwise it probably would have been snuggling up with Mandy, or maybe a really long hug from her mom.

do they meditate? if not, have they ever tried? how did it go? Every now and then! It's not something that she would say she does super regularly, but it's something that she tries to make time for, since she does think it makes her a little more level headed.

how many pennies and quarters do they have in their couch? Not a lot -- she mostly deals with card more so than cash, so there aren't a lot of coins going in and out of her pockets.

how dusty is their home? spotless, lived-in, dust bunny haven? Spotless. She's one of those people who has to clean everything to make sure that the house looks as nice as possible, often for no reason at all!

what is their favorite chocolate bar? Cookes 'n Creme Hersheys bar.

do they like their brownies fudgy or cakey? or not at all, and only want the crusts? She's not picky at all, but probably somewhere right in the middle, where it's chewy but not so moist that you can't still enjoy it!

whats that one weird food combination that everyone else thinks is gross but they think is delicious? Livvy's a pretty plain jane kind of person when it comes to eating, she doesn't really get super creative with her food combinations! More than likely, she'll go with the stuff that everyone goes 'oh yeah, that's good.'

where do they put their shoes when they come home from a long day? If it's messy out, Livvy normally uses the side door, so that she can leave her shoes in the little alcove until she has a chance to clean them off. Otherwise, they normally get taken off right inside the door to be put back on later.

after a vacation, do they immediately unpack or slowly retrieve items from their suitcase until its empty? Immediately unpack! She doesn't want to miss out on wearing some of her favorite clothes if they're sitting in a suitcase just waiting to be washed.

how often do they do self-reflection? Often enough -- but she's not the kind of person that feels like she needs to be dissected from the inside out, either. She has therapy for that!

are they more afraid of being alone with themselves or with others? That entirely depends on the company. Livvy's fine being on her own! But she is also the kind of person that likes the company of good people when they're available.

have they ever had a near death experience? if so, what was it? Kind of, sort of. When she was hiking in San Francisco, she fell on a very steep trail and hurt herself in a number of spots, and actually broke her leg pretty badly. She was lucky enough to be seen and helped by some other hikers, but it could have been a bad situation, of course!

out of all the subjects in school, which was their favorite? which one did they excel at? She probably excelled the most at science, hence why she went into the medical field, but she would say that her favorite subjects were literature and writing.

how many alarms do they have set on their phone? what is their alarm ringtone? Two, one that gives her a little time to be lazy in bed in the morning, and the other that reminds her that she needs to get up and get moving.

do they fart in front of other people? or do they hide their farts? Livvy's a lady, she never farts.

do they have to see any specialist doctors? if so, do they have a strong bond with their doctor or do they dislike them? Not so much anymore, she saw a physical therapist for years after her injury (hence the career change from pediatrics), and she occasionally sees a therapist, but otherwise, it's all the same doctors that everyone sees when they need to. She has no problems with any of her doctors, either.

what is their favorite seasoning? ... salt.

what is their favorite sauce? Ranch dressing!

how spicy is spicy for them? (pepper, jalepeno, ghost pepper, ect) Livvy is not a spicy person at all! She doesn't even really like peppers, so she would have to say that it's all too spicy.

how long do they let the dishes go unwashed? Livvy's general rule is to wash a dish right after it's used. If she can't get to it right away, then she gets to it as soon as possible, clutter makes her feel like she's failing her house, or something.

how much laundry do they accumulate before doing it? Sort of like with the dishes, Livvy feels like it's best to do the laundry as soon as possible. Once the hamper is full and that means there's enough to do a full load, that's when she takes the time to do it.

what shampoo, conditioner, cologne/perfume and deodorant do they use? For the most part, Livvy is a simple girl when it comes to what she uses. Although she loves high end, luxury products, she also knows that they're hard to get in Merrock. She uses a lot of Hask for hair care, and has had good luck with those. For perfume... admittedly? Bath & Body Works sprays for daily use, and then Ralph Lauren Romance or Beyond Romance for date nights. Deodorant is kind of whatever's on sale at the time.

[owenryder]

MERROCK TASK #19 THE TINIEST DETAILS

do they drive? if so, do they enjoy driving or do they hate it? or somewhere in between? Driving is one of Ryder's favorite things to do, period. He likes the adrenaline and absolutely drives a little bit too fast.

if they drive, where is their favorite location to drive to? Anywhere and everywhere. He's not going to be picky about locations, he just wants to hit the open road and go.

if they drive, do they own a vehicle? if so, what make and model? Ryder drives a 2021 python green Porsche 718 Spyder that was a gift to him from his mother's boyfriend, although... a little birdy called him from the Bahamas to talk about potential 30th birthday presents, so a new car may be around the corner.

what bumper stickers do they have on their car? None. That's not even funny.

what paintings and/or posters are on their walls? In his own room, Ryder has a combination of art and posters, from stuff that he's done, to things he's collected from his favorite artists. In the house itself, it sort of depends on what his housemates want to see, they grab things as they see fit!

what is a song they listen to with the windows rolled down, turned all the way up, on the highway? Something loud with a lot of bass, that way everyone turns their head and thinks, 'who is this asshole?'

is there an artform they’ve always wanted to try (glassblowing, woodworking, painting, ect) but never have? if so, what about that artform speaks to them? Pretty much every art form, for no other reason than just to say that he gave it a shot. Ryder loves art, he lives, breathes, and sleeps art, so of course he wants to try as much of it as possible. He wishes he was a little better at sculpting, and has plans to try to get into that at some point.

what time of day do they usually start getting sleepy? Late, like it wouldn't be shocking to see Ryder wide awake at two in the morning, to be honest? He tries to sleep at a normal hour, but it doesn't always happen!

do they catch a second wind? if so, what is their method for catching it (napping, drinking coffee, exercising, ect)? Oh, just mainline the energy drinks at that point. Napping, coffee and exercising are for the weak, but Redbull gives you wings.

are they a nap person? if so, how long are their naps? do they set a 20 minute timer and wake up before it? or set no timer and wake up in the middle of the night? Ryder is a whatever he wants to be person, and that does include napping, yes. He'll curl up for twenty minutes or two hours, it just depends on how tired he is and what he has going on that day.

what is the most obscure book they’ve read? ... like he has time to read? He mostly reads a lot of books on art history or about different celebrities that he likes. Those can be weird.

what is a book that interested them so much they took it with them to the bathroom? None. He uses his phone while he's dropping a deuce, like an average American citizen.

what did the air smell like during their childhood? That's a really hard question to answer, since Ryder didn't really have one place that he called home. When he was in Boston, it always smelled like perfume to him, because there was no shortage of people wandering around his home in expensive perfume.

what is a core memory from their childhood that they look back on fondly and for comfort? Despite the fact that his parents weren't really... well, parents, Ryder still had good adults in his life. He loved the nanny that he had, and thought of her as his mother. One time, she packed up his backpack, left his parents a note, and headed out to the Boston aquarium, where they spent the entire day just doing normal people things. He even had pizza from a small pizza shop and got a frozen drink from McDonald's.

when was the last time they were held, and truly held, for several minutes? who was it with? Oh, it's definitely been a while. Ryder's not super into being affectionate, to begin with. Thanks, mom and dad! Great job!

do they meditate? if not, have they ever tried? how did it go? Nnno, he doesn't really have the patience for it. He's tried, sure, but it's not something he gets much out of.

how many pennies and quarters do they have in their couch? $2.35, total. (He doesn't know, but there probably is quite a bit.)

how dusty is their home? spotless, lived-in, dust bunny haven? It's lived-in, but they do a fairly good job of keeping it clean. And like once every few months, Ryder hires a cleaner to come in to go over everything with a fine tooth comb, anyway.

what is their favorite chocolate bar? Reese's peanut butter cup.

do they like their brownies fudgy or cakey? or not at all, and only want the crusts? Probably a little more on the fudgy side, but it's a brownie, it's going to be good regardless.

what's that one weird food combination that everyone else thinks is gross but they think is delicious? He's done that thing with the vanilla ice cream and the olive oil, and he can confirm that it's pretty good... but he fully knows that a lot of people look at you with two heads when they see you mix the ingredients together.

where do they put their shoes when they come home from a long day? He will quite literally throw them up onto the landing of his bedroom, most of the time.

after a vacation, do they immediately unpack or slowly retrieve items from their suitcase until its empty? Slowly retrieve items from the suitcase. He's pretty sure his suitcase is thrown into the back of his closet with things still untouched from New Orleans. And when he packed for New Orleans, there were things in there from the last trip that he took.

how often do they do self-reflection? More than people would imagine, but probably less than he should.

are they more afraid of being alone with themselves or with others? Being alone with himself.

have they ever had a near death experience? if so, what was it? There were a few close calls when he was driving -- he has a tendency to get a lead foot and not really pay attention to the speedometer, but he's always been careful with driving well, too. Other than that, not really.

out of all the subjects in school, which was their favorite? which one did they excel at? Ryder never attended regular school, so there were probably subjects he missed out on, but he was pretty good at English and writing. Obviously excelled at anything to do with art, though -- even went to college for it!

how many alarms do they have set on their phone? what is their alarm ringtone? One, but he has unlimited snoozes for it. So that means he can still stay up way, way later than he's supposed to. As for the sound, he normally changes it based on his mood and what he's doing with his phone at the moment. Get bored? Change sounds. It's how his mind works.

do they fart in front of other people? or do they hide their farts? Yeah. Why bother hiding a human body's actions?

do they have to see any specialist doctors? if so, do they have a strong bond with their doctor or do they dislike them? No, not really. Ryder's never been a big doctor person, so he doesn't really like anyone he sees.

what is their favorite seasoning? Well, he's from the east coast, where seafood reigns supreme. It's, of course, going to be old bay.

what is their favorite sauce? Hot sauce.

how spicy is spicy for them? (pepper, jalepeno, ghost pepper, ect) Over the years, Ryder's tried a lot of spicy foods, and he's eaten all the peppers, done those ridiculous chips, you name it. But that doesn't mean he's done them well -- he likes to think that he can handle more than he can.

how long do they let the dishes go unwashed? Until Jayla and Iris sigh loud enough that it annoys him and he gets up, off of the couch to wash them. Obviously.

how much laundry do they accumulate before doing it? Too much. He's absolutely bought socks and underwear to avoid doing laundry, it's just a pain to haul it all down his little staircase and get it to where it needs to go.

what shampoo, conditioner, cologne/perfume and deodorant do they use? Shampoo and conditioner change. Sometimes he gets sent things in care packages from his mom, though, and he uses those a lot. Right now, he washes and conditions with Oribe. Cologne tends to be Gucci Guilty or Versace, which he... mostly bought for the bottles that he likes. Deodorant is Gucci Guilty, too. He's ridiculous.

[narilily]

MERROCK TASK #19 THE TINIEST DETAILS

do they drive? if so, do they enjoy driving or do they hate it? or somewhere in between? Yes, but it's not something she would say she loves to do! More of a necessity to get from point A to point B. But Nari is a pretty decent driver, too.

if they drive, where is their favorite location to drive to? Nari likes the drive from her house into town and back. Especially if she takes a detour out along the coast.

if they drive, do they own a vehicle? if so, what make and model? A 2013 Toyota Prius v3. Silver colored!

what bumper stickers do they have on their car? Mostly flower bumper stickers, pretty things, a little sticker for the nursery and the pilates studio, and two little cat stickers in one of the back windows.

what paintings and/or posters are on their walls? Local art, always! Stuff she bought at the gallery in town, or things she's picked up at the thrift store or antique shop. A lot of shelves, too, with little bud vases or trinkets on them.

what is a song they listen to with the windows rolled down, turned all the way up, on the highway? Oh, there are so many songs! Anything by the icons, and by icons she means Michelle Branch, Britney Spears, Vanessa Carlton, Kt Tunstall, the usual.

is there an artform they’ve always wanted to try (glassblowing, woodworking, painting, ect) but never have? if so, what about that artform speaks to them? Nari is very much so the kind of person who will just try something if she wants to, which means she's given a lot of art forms a shot. It doesn't always mean that they've been successful, though!

what time of day do they usually start getting sleepy? Being much more of an early bird than night owl, Nari starts getting tired around eight, nine... she's normally in bed around ten if she's just at home alone. She can hang in public, though!

do they catch a second wind? if so, what is their method for catching it (napping, drinking coffee, exercising, ect)? Normally, she's good at knowing that if she's tired, she's tired, and pushing herself to get energy isn't going to help.

are they a nap person? if so, how long are their naps? do they set a 20 minute timer and wake up before it? or set no timer and wake up in the middle of the night? Occasionally! If it's a really lazy day with nothing else going on, she has no problem laying low and napping all afternoon, but... if she's going to set a timer, it's normally half an hour, tops. Unless she's exhausted.

what is the most obscure book they’ve read? Wicked Plants.

what is a book that interested them so much they took it with them to the bathroom? No books. Just fashion magazines.

what did the air smell like during their childhood? Admittedly, Nari doesn't remember a lot about growing up in South Korea, but she does remember what it was like to live in Merrock. She can very specifically remember the smell of flowers and her mother's cooking, plus the ocean, whenever they would head out to the coast.

what is a core memory from their childhood that they look back on fondly and for comfort? Picking wildflowers from the fields with her mother every spring, to make sure that the table always had the best centerpieces with every meal.

when was the last time they were held, and truly held, for several minutes? who was it with? Oh, it's definitely been a while! Might have been her mother, curled up on the couch watching movies when she was visiting last, though.

do they meditate? if not, have they ever tried? how did it go? Yes, regularly! Nari's a big believer in meditation and centering herself and deep breathing and all of those good things. She feels like she would be a bad yogi and pilates instructor if not.

how many pennies and quarters do they have in their couch? You know... she isn't really sure, but given that she uses cash a lot, there are probably quite a few coins tucked away in there.

how dusty is their home? spotless, lived-in, dust bunny haven? Lived-in, for sure! She keeps a clean home, but it's never like... museum-quality clean, that's kind of boring.

what is their favorite chocolate bar? Milky Way.

do they like their brownies fudgy or cakey? or not at all, and only want the crusts? Fudgy, maybe! The real question is whether or not they're iced, though.

what's that one weird food combination that everyone else thinks is gross but they think is delicious? It's not weird, but Nari eats her steak with french fries and dips it in ketchup and she understands that people think she's going to food hell for it.

where do they put their shoes when they come home from a long day? Major pro of living on her own? Nari can kick her shoes off and leave them wherever she wants. Who's going to stop her? Normally, they go right inside the door until she goes upstairs, though.

after a vacation, do they immediately unpack or slowly retrieve items from their suitcase until its empty? Unpack the important stuff (socks, underwear, bras), leave the rest in the suitcase until she needs it, and then wash it. Duh!

how often do they do self-reflection? Now and then, maybe a little more than the average person. Meditation and all!

are they more afraid of being alone with themselves or with others? Being alone with themselves.

have they ever had a near death experience? if so, what was it? No, not really.

out of all the subjects in school, which was their favorite? which one did they excel at? Art was very much so her favorite subject in school out of everything that she took! When it came to more of the education-based ones, like reading and writing and arithmetic, she probably would say that she was best at english and writing.

how many alarms do they have set on their phone? what is their alarm ringtone? Three. The first one tells her it's time to start getting up, the second one reminds her that she has an hour before work starts, and the third one better be going off when she's in the bathroom, getting ready.

do they fart in front of other people? or do they hide their farts? Ladies don't fart! (Just kidding, she is human.)

do they have to see any specialist doctors? if so, do they have a strong bond with their doctor or do they dislike them? Not really, no! Any doctors that Nari sees on a regular basis, she gets along with really well, though.

what is their favorite seasoning? Nari likes seasonings that are mixes that can cover pretty much anything? She's really not picky.

what is their favorite sauce? Gochujang sauce.

how spicy is spicy for them? (pepper, jalepeno, ghost pepper, ect) Nari's really not that fond of spicy food; it's less of something she can and cannot handle and more of the fact that she's an older lady now and gets heartburn.

how long do they let the dishes go unwashed? A couple of days, tops. Her kitchen's not huge, so if she sink starts getting cluttered, then everything ends up a mess.

how much laundry do they accumulate before doing it? Again, just a few days. She doesn't like having a super messy space, and worse than that, she doesn't like not being able to wear her favorite clothes because they're in the dirty clothes pile.

what shampoo, conditioner, cologne/perfume and deodorant do they use? Nari loves the True Botanicals brand for shampoo and conditioner, and thinks that anything made with plant extracts will always be right up her alley. For perfume, she tends to go with light, floral scents, and leans towards things like Nest Wild Poppy. She's really not picky with deodorant, but does go with the more natural, aluminum-free stuff.

[stellylee]

MERROCK TASK #19 THE TINIEST DETAILS

do they drive? if so, do they enjoy driving or do they hate it? or somewhere in between? When they have to, but Stelly's not super into driving, and is beyond glad that they live downtown and don't have to worry about it all that much.

if they drive, where is their favorite location to drive to? Mandy's house, duh.

if they drive, do they own a vehicle? if so, what make and model? A black 2005 Subaru Impreza.

what bumper stickers do they have on their car? Oh, a ton -- Stelly's that kind of person that has bumper stickers all over the bumper, the back of the car, the back window... but the car is still in good shape and clean, despite the stickers. Most of them are funny phrases, or important things about equality and love.

what paintings and/or posters are on their walls? A pretty good mix of things, some photographs that they took, some stuff Sylvia brought with her, pretty much anything that Mandy has painted for her through the years. A lot of bright colors.

what is a song they listen to with the windows rolled down, turned all the way up, on the highway? Heroes by David Bowie.

is there an artform they’ve always wanted to try (glassblowing, woodworking, painting, ect) but never have? if so, what about that artform speaks to them? Stelly would love to get better at painting, but they've definitely tried that! Jewelry making, maybe, they've always admired how beautiful handmade jewelry is.

what time of day do they usually start getting sleepy? Late, late, late. Side effect of baretending. Stelly's the kind of person that's up past midnight almost every night, but by one, they're dragging butt a little bit.

do they catch a second wind? if so, what is their method for catching it (napping, drinking coffee, exercising, ect)? Most of the time if it's 1AM, you don't really need a second wind. If they're struggling to stay awake at work, an energy drink does the trick, and they have plenty in stock.

are they a nap person? if so, how long are their naps? do they set a 20 minute timer and wake up before it? or set no timer and wake up in the middle of the night? Not really a nap person, but not against naps, either? If they take them, then they set an alarm for no longer than an hour, because that waking up on another planet feeling is awful and messes up their sleep patterns worse than they already are.

what is the most obscure book they’ve read? Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers.

what is a book that interested them so much they took it with them to the bathroom? Stelly has never read a book in the bathroom that they can remember...? They used to take magazines into the bathroom to read while taking baths, though!

what did the air smell like during their childhood? New Orleans... does not always smell pleasant. But if you overlook the bad, there's the smell of freshly baked breads, spices, citrus, patchouli oil, beignets... all sorts of incense.

what is a core memory from their childhood that they look back on fondly and for comfort? Dancing with their friends in Jackson Square to local performers while their mother and father danced with them. It reminds them of a time in their life when everything felt steady.

when was the last time they were held, and truly held, for several minutes? who was it with? Oh, absolutely would have been Mandy! And probably not all that long ago, they spend a lot of time together, after all.

do they meditate? if not, have they ever tried? how did it go? Every now and then, yeah -- they tried to get into pilates and yoga, and found it wasn't easy to keep up with their schedule, but Stelly actually thinks that meditation and mindfulness is really good for people.

how many pennies and quarters do they have in their couch? ... way too many to count.

how dusty is their home? spotless, lived-in, dust bunny haven? Eh. The house itself is clean! But it's also the kind of house that's perpetually having work done and little improvements here and there, so it can sometimes look dusty and a little messy, but that's part of the charm.

what is their favorite chocolate bar? Butterfinger!

do they like their brownies fudgy or cakey? or not at all, and only want the crusts? Fudgy, but God, is there something special about the crusts.

whats that one weird food combination that everyone else thinks is gross but they think is delicious? Stelly's huge into savory and sweet combinations, they love chocolate covered chips, or Oreos dipped in peanut butter, that sort of vibe.

where do they put their shoes when they come home from a long day? Wherever they land when they quite literally get kicked off right inside the door...?

after a vacation, do they immediately unpack or slowly retrieve items from their suitcase until its empty? Nah, slowly retrieve it. In fact, if you open Stelly's suitcase right now, there's probably still some stuff from New Orleans in there.

how often do they do self-reflection? Maybe not as often as they should, Stelly's more of a do first, think later kind of person.

are they more afraid of being alone with themselves or with others? Alone with themselves.

have they ever had a near death experience? if so, what was it? They grew up in New Orleans, running in and out of the streets during Mardi Gras... probably. But nothing actually comes in mind, so they might have done alright.

out of all the subjects in school, which was their favorite? which one did they excel at? Their favorite was probably science, just for the fun things that they got to do, but they excelled at art classes.

how many alarms do they have set on their phone? what is their alarm ringtone? Three; one that goes off to start waking up, a second to go off to let them know they need to be awake, and a third to remind them to get their ass out of bed.

do they fart in front of other people? or do they hide their farts? Not on purpose, like... to walk in front of someone and far? No. But have they? Yeah -- it's a human thing.

do they have to see any specialist doctors? if so, do they have a strong bond with their doctor or do they dislike them? Just the usuals that a person would see, and they have seen a therapist a few times, too. They like them just fine, but they're not a huge doctor person, either.

what is their favorite seasoning? The bottle of homemade cajun seasoning that their mother sends them home with after every big dinner that they make together.

what is their favorite sauce? Ooh, either a good cajun butter sauce or a remoulade.

how spicy is spicy for them? (pepper, jalepeno, ghost pepper, ect) No such thing, they'll even try the ridiculous peppers that knock you out, just for fun.

how long do they let the dishes go unwashed? Longer than they should...! But before they grow mold, if that counts?

how much laundry do they accumulate before doing it? When Stelly starts getting frustrated about not having matching socks, a clean bra, or a pair of underwear in their dresser, that's when they know it's time to do laundry. Just saying.

what shampoo, conditioner, cologne/perfume and deodorant do they use? TGIN, Not Your Mother's, Aussie, Ouai, whatever they want to try out when they want to shake things up, truth be told. For perfumes, they... are admittedly not all that into the fancy stuff and tend to get Bath & Body Works scents whenever they take a trip to the nearest mall, so whatever's in season! For deodorant, something good and natural, aluminum-free, though.

[middleagerunblog]

X.

Week 1 Recap

Exercise:

Sun Dec 10 - walked 30 minutes on the treadmill after dinner

Mon Dec 11 - 6:07a, outdoors near home, 3 mi, 31:19, 10:25 pace

Tue Dec 12 - 6:04a, think I did it wrong, 5x400m in 8:00 to 8:40 pace range, walking in between, then I did a 5k in 27:58, 8:59 pace, will figure this out for next time

Wed Dec 13 - 6:05a, outdoors near home, 3 mi, 31:08, 10:20 pace

Thu Dec 14 - rest, maybe too much? only walked 6,508 steps the whole day

Fri Dec 15 - 6:09a, outdoors near home, 3 mi, 30:59, 10:18 pace

Sat Dec 16 - around 11a, 5 mi on hotel treadmill, 51:13, 10:15 pace

Diet:

Not terrible weeking eating-wise for the first week. I still need to figure things out, i.e. preferring a 16/8 noon-8p low carb eating strategy which doesn't really go with running. I allowed myself some carbs after lunch this week. I allowed myself some mid-morning snacks too when I was hungry after a run. We've been on a good routine cooking at home lately, so that helps.

The week ended with a bang though, Saturday at the hotel for a soccer tournament wasn't the greatest eating, but I didn't too bad considering the weird eating times and limited options. Did drink too much though because other dads kept buying me drinks. I had 2 beers and thought that'd be that, but then 4 more drinks were delivered to me over the course of the night.

Alcohol for the week - 6 drinks total, averaging just under one per day, but that was zero Sun-Fri, then 6 on Saturday, let's make this the high water mark and taper down from here.

Grading my diet...

Sun A-

Mon B+

Tue B+

Wed A-

Thu B

Fri B

Sat C

EGPA for the week of 3.14, a B/B+ average

Weigh-in:

I did my first official weigh-in on Friday at 190.9, so there's no loss or gain to report.

Music:

New song I heard this week and liked - "Numb" by Have Mercy (2023)

The more that I speak, the more I feel so numb And when the words just get in the way, how do you want ‘em?

Old song new to me I heard this week and liked - "The Energy Story" by College (2008)

It's all started when he was kid

Old song I listened to the first time in a while this week - "Back on the Train" by Phish (2000)

When I jumped off, I had a bucket full of thoughts When I first jumped off, I held that bucket in my hand Ideas that would take me all around the world I stood and watched the smoke behind the mountain curl It took me a long time to get back on the train

Rereading:

I feel more disconnected from the book because I'm not reading it every day. The first time I read it in 3 weeks by reading ~25 pages per day. In some way I can't explain, it motivated me to run another half marathon and start this blog. But now I just reread until there's a quote I want to post here and then stop. So I've read 46 pages over the course of week 1 and I'm not sure how I feel about going this slowly.

I've reread the first 5 chapters. The Boy Name Crow has convinced Kafka to run away. Kafka packs his things, takes some money and a cell phone from his dad and takes an overnight bus to Takamatsu. On the bus he meets Sakura and wonders if she's his sister. He finds his way to the Komura Libaray and meets Oshima and Miss Saeki. He reads Arabian Nights. Maybe I should read that too to mix in some more reading to this blogging process.

There's been two flashbacks to the unexplained Rice Bowl Hill incident where the school children fall into brief comas toward the end of WW2. They all recover quickly but for one boy named Nakata.

The thing that stands out to me upon reread so far is the battle between fate and freedom. I mean, maybe that's what this whole book is about. But I didn't catch how clearly that's setup from the jump.

One thing I didn't notice or think about the first time through is the location of the Rice Bowl Hill incident. Could it be in the same place as the forest cabin that comes later in the book?

[werewolf-morgue]

Dear Diary,

Morning

I didn’t really sleep last night. I just HAD to finish the thing I was working on, and by the time I was done it was 8 am. I opened the window and the blinds today. For both me and my cat. I think she knew we both could use the sunlight and fresh air. It was sunny out and you could see how blue the sky was! The warmth of the sun felt nice on my face and hands and toes. Maybe I’ll go out onto the balcony and drink some tea, maybe even read that book a friend lent me. But for right now I’m going to cuddle my snuggle buddy and get a nap in, hopefully.

Noon

I did not end up getting a nap in unfortunately lol. My roommate sort of hurt my feelings after I found out she was talking to her friend about how she’s the breadwinner, which is true and I’m so thankful she’s been kind enough to help me with rent and groceries and I’m so glad she has a well paying job to do her hobbies on top of helping me out! But she kind of worded it like I wasn’t trying to get jobs when I absolutely have been. I’ve been walking about two miles since my car is completely broken down to the places I can apply to. Plus I’ve been doing all the chores around the house with little help from her. Every time I ask she gets very upset and it’s hard to ask for help as is. It’s just upsetting to feel unappreciated I suppose. I guess I don’t really have all the information and I’m going to try to look at it in a positive light! Luckily I have therapy in a few hours so I’ll be able to express my feelings on it.

Night

Alright so we started the session and beforehand I was frantically deep cleaning my entire apartment and was super dissociated. I had my first meltdown in YEARS and it was very overwhelming, to say the least. But we realized if I’m focusing on a certain body part (which was my feet) we could bring myself back. I realized I was very uncomfortable with the socks I was wearing so I went and grabbed my emergency comfy pair and put them on. It really helped me feel so much better and we proceeded with the session. At this point I was also running on no food for about 20 hours, no sleep, and it was close to my shower time so I was feeling not so great overall (reminder to eat even when you really don’t feel like you have to or don’t want to, I know it’s hard but your body needs energy to run). We realized that I was planning on talking about my recent SA and it was completely understandable for me to frantically clean my apartment beforehand as I had associated my surroundings with how I felt during the attack. It was understandable that I wasn’t sleeping or eating because nothing felt “just right” as my body was in fight or flight all day. My brain didn’t feel safe as I was going to be recounting severe trauma from the attack. We did some grounding and comforting techniques to calm myself down and by the end of the session I was down from a 10/10 discomfort level to a 2/10! Now I’m going to eat some dinner, shower, and probably crash for the night. I’m very glad we managed to turn this from an undesirable situation to one I could handle :)

To recap what I found to help me:

Be prepared to have big emotions when you’re talking about your trauma. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed, you didn’t like what was happening to you and it affected you in a lot of ways. Know that you will probably shed some tears and possibly be on high alert all day.

Grounding techniques. Feel the textures on your skin, is it good or bad? If it’s bad, go change it! No reason to be more uncomfy when you’re already dissociated. Changing my socks really helped me calm down as I was focused on how much better these ones felt rather than the ones I had on, plus I was distracted with having to put on a new pair of socks. Yoga also really helps with this as it makes you to focus on how you’re feeling and your breathing.

Understand that when things don’t “feel right” enough for you to take care of your basic needs it probably means that you are overstimulated, uncomfortable, or maybe triggered. Try to calm yourself with grounding techniques, there’s many more out there that you can try!

If you are trying to clean frantically, stop and think of what could be causing it. Do I feel dirty? Is the area I’m in comfortable for me? Is there anything that I’m anxious about?

Stay safe and I love you all. I hope these tips can help some of you as they have for me!

[rubyinasnuggie]

Random Headcanons No One Asked For:

-Both Ruby and Weiss are left handed

--Yang was 100% prepared to tease them about it when Blake very pointedly uses her left hand to write something

--Blake is ambidextrous

--which makes Yang the only right-handed one on the team

--until the fall of beacon oops

-Ren is fully color blind

--once baby Nora figured that out, she made it her mission to explain to him what colors are based on other sensations (sue me I love this trope)

--she describes pink as the quiet comfort they share in each other's presence

--Ren finally sees color for the first time when his semblance upgrades, and he can finally see the pink petals with Nora

-Blake likes to climb on things and find random nooks and crannies to read

--it turns into a game of reverse hide-and-seek when someone needs her: depending on how urgent it is the entire squad will drop everything and look for her

-team STRQ won the Vytal tournament their first year, specifically Summer was the champion

--Yang was more upset about the disqualification than she'd ever admit, because she secretly imagined Summer was out there somewhere watching the tournament, proud of her babies

-Tai pulled himself out of his depression by gardening: having a routine helped him, so he encouraged baby Ruby and Yang to get similar gentle hobbies

-Ruby raises chickens at home

--she very lovingly feeds them corn and calls them her ladies

--Yang affectionately calls them creatures and cluckers and other such rude things to get a rise out of Ruby

-Ruby deeply wants a cow

--this is her one and only retirement dream

--although honestly she can never imagine herself living past her 20s

-Yang struggled with picking a hobby, she gets bored easily and hates the expected

--its only post-Beacon that she understands the benefits of a routine

--thats why she ends up with a ton of chores, just some structure to help her through the day

-Ruby will drink any type of milk, but Strawberry milk is her favorite

-Sun is allergic to bananas but he doesn't know

--he thinks bananas are supposed to be spicy

-Weiss loves sour apple

-Pyrrha loves chocolate almonds

-Yang thinks fish are creepy, she just generally doesn't love the ocean

--she thinks Neptune is a little clown though

-Oscar gets dressed by putting on his left sock, left boot, then his right sock and right boot

--RNJR made it their mission to interrupt him during this just to see him walk around with one boot on

-Ruby likes to bake, it's one of the few solid memories she has of her mom

--one night Weiss was feeling homesick and Ruby taught her how to make mug cakes

--"its probably not that good compared to your cake butler, but it's pretty simple, and I like them!"

--Weiss secretly makes them at least once a week, even back home in Atlas

-Weiss has taken flight lessons, at one point Ironwood really pushed for her to become a pilot in the military

-Blake has a field journal of the different types of Grimm she's encountered

--team RWBY & JNPR have spent several nights sitting in a circle talking and adding to the journal

--while traveling across Anima, Ruby sketched and took notes on all the Grimm she saw, just in case she ever found Blake again

-Weiss collects rocks

--no, not crystals. actual rocks

--shes rarely spent time in the real outside, but whenever she has, she picks up little rocks and puts them in her pocket before anyone can see

-Jaune never actually stopped writing left and right on the bottom of his shoes actually

-Weiss had never been allowed to paint her nails as a kid, she'd always get weekly French manicures instead

--by the second semester at Beacon, Ruby, Weiss, Nora, and Ren would have weekly manicure nights where they'd paint each other's nails

--there were several times they'd rope the rest of the teams into it, especially during the Vytal tournament where they'd write team names on their nails

--during the singles round they'd write Yang on one hand and Pyrha on the other

--"we couldn't make it fit without cutting one of the R's!"

-Pyrrha and Weiss became each other's default plus one's for fancy events, to the point people began to speculate that the two were dating

--Jaune was somehow jealous of them both and it was very confusing to him since he had poor self awareness

-Yang cuts Ruby's hair, but after she lost her arm she lost the fine motor skills to do a good job, so Blake started to do it

-Blake is always there to help Yang with her phantom pains and residual limb pain

--she helps massage Yang's arm while leaning close and purring

--Yang cried the first time Blake did this because she's not used to being taken care of

-Nora never gets sick and is the designated nurse when a bug goes around the teams

--the electricity incident was the first time Nora has ever been bed-ridden

-Weiss took ballet as a child

-Jaune is actually pretty good at the guitar

-Pyrrha is not musically inclined at all its a miracle she managed to do the iconic JNPR shine dance

--jk but actually she's a decent dancer when she has the steps choreographed for her but she has no natural rhythm

-in the last few months before Pyrrha's death, she and Jaune would waltz on top of the roof together

--there were several almost kisses

--maybe a few successful kisses who knows

-there are occasions (obv extremely rare) when Ren actually takes the bulk of the energy from Nora

--this leads to thrilling game nights where Ren makes multiple 40pt remnant-equiv-of-scrabble plays while Nora naps

-Oscar is the only person who can beat Ren in scrabble, although it's very closely matched

-Oscar is amazing at chess and will play it against himself like a little square

-Yang and Ruby are experts at the tabletop war game they play in the library

--9 times out of 10, the winner is one of them

-Oscar is the only one who also knew about Compost King, which was very exciting for Jaune

--Compost King is a common game night activity while they were in Haven because its so hard to say no to Oscar

-Yang is a straight-A student and has always been

-Blake never had any formal education and she finds a lot of the classes incredibly dull or ineffective at teaching the material

--she's always the one convincing Yang to skip a class and lie in the sun-warmed grass with her

--she still gets Bs easily

-Oscar is a very fast reader and will devour any book he's given

--his aunt would frequently bring home books from town just to keep him entertained

-Ruby has suffered from migraines and nightmares her entire life, post-Beacon they only got worse

-Weiss shops at local dust stores whenever she can, even though she could get shipments for free

--however she does have Ron Swanson's "I know more than you" energy when she's shopping

-Blake and Ren will sometimes take naps together

--not cuddling, just occupying the same general space

--wake them up at your own risk

-if Ruby isn't engaged with something, she can start to scatter and dissolve into rose petals

--its a very slow process and someone has always snapped her out of it before she's fully vanished, but Yang is worried about what would happen if no one caught her in time

-Ren is afraid of horses

-Blake hates being cold

-Yang naturally radiates heat cause semblance duh

-Weiss glued the tiniest gravity crystals to the underside of Ruby's bed to ensure it never falls

-JNPR likes to push their beds all together so they can sleep in one big pile

-Nora can only sleep if she's holding someone's hand

Hope u guys enjoyed! These are in no particular order, sorry that I kinda jumped around a lot 😅

Feel free to reblog and add your own ideas and headcanons! ❤

[emerald-chaos]

Already Gone

**gif not mine, credit to the owner below!!**

Oh hohohohoho besties. You are in for it on this one. The other night I had an idea that popped into my head and to say I got carried away with it would be a gross understatement. This is the first time I've written smut in forever so bear with me as I get back in to it. I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always, please feel free to send feedback!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 5.3k (oops)

Warnings: Smut, 18+ (MINORS DNI), language, ANGST (holy shit is there angst), fingering, unprotected sex (please be smarter than these two), infidelity, and I think that's about it? Please let me know if I left something off.

A/N: Thanks to my sweet, sweet friend who read through this for me and helped me fix a few things. Also I take the, MINORS DNI, warning very seriously, so please only interact if you are of age. Please have your age in your bio so I can confirm. By clicking "read more" you agree to this. I really don't want to have to block people.

The cacophonous trill of shattering glass erupted through the space. Raised voices, thick with rage, echoed off the walls. It was difficult to tell which words were coming from which mouth, the both of you overlapping as you spewed out hatred toward one another.

“What in God’s name is going on here?!” Steve shouted as he entered the room, coming back from a late night run at the most inopportune time.

“Stay the fuck out of it!” Your two voices shrilled together as you both pointed toward Steve.

You could feel your chest heaving and it almost felt as though you were foaming at the mouth. Rage was completely consuming every crevice of your body and spilling out into your actions and your words. You turned back to the object of your aggression and watched as he ran a hand through his hair and turned to walk away from you.

“You’re nothing but a coward, James Barnes. A goddamn selfish, son-of-a-bitch, coward!” You screamed with every ounce of energy you had left in your body.

The two of you had some knock-down drag-outs in your past, but it was nothing compared to this. Months of pent up feelings, insecurities, jealousies, and secrets were all coming to a head at this very moment. The last few months the two of you had been incredibly short with one another - a stark contrast from your usual loving tone. Passionate kisses became brief pecks to the cheek, midnight roaming hands became backs set to one another, and ‘i love you’s’ felt more like a habit than a genuine feeling. In your heart you feared it would come to this one day. No matter how hard you tried, how much you wanted to, you were never going to be able to fix what had been done to the man you loved. There was no amount of love in the world that could reverse the tragedy of the Winter Soldier - at least that’s what you were convinced of now.

The man in front of you turned and strode across the room, minimizing the space between the two of you. His metal hand in a fist as he brought it up to jab a finger into the middle of your chest. Pupils were blown wide, what was once a lustful look was now filled with only pure anger. As he opened his mouth to speak, spit flew into your face.

“And you are a self-righteous, ignorant, self-important bitch!”

As your eyes raked over the contorted facial features of the man standing in front of you, you realized you couldn’t recognize them. The man standing in front of you was not Bucky. It was not the man who twirled a strand of your hair when he sat with his arm behind your chair, not the man who pulled over the car to help a turtle cross the road, and definitely not the man who held you in his arms as he cried after a nightmare. The man standing in front of you was a frightening enigma of hatred and rage. This was not your Bucky. In fact, you were almost certain you lost your Bucky months ago.

* * *

You hadn’t noticed the bouncing of your knee until the man who sat beside you gently cupped it with his hand, stilling your nervous movements. It was enough to break you from your thoughts as you turned your head to meet his kind eyes.

“We don’t have to do this, you know. I’ll have them turn the car around and we’ll go back to the airport. We catch the next flight back home.” He whispered in reassurance. Even though your mind was anxiously racing, you couldn’t help but smile at the compassionate gesture.

“Of course we do,” you started, cupping his cheek with your hand as the sunlight glinted off your pristine wedding ring, “Tony was one of the most important people in my life. Plus, I’m pretty sure he would haunt me if I didn’t go to his funeral.”

8 years ago you promised yourself in the taxi ride to the airport that you would never step foot in this place again. That all changed when you got the news of Tony’s death. Your time working with the Avengers was a life-changing experience and it was all thanks to Tony. The memory of him seeking you out to work alongside Dr. Banner in the research lab was one that you could never forget. Tony was an arrogant, pompous asshole but he was undeniably a good man. You would curse yourself for the rest of your days if you let your own baggage get in the way of that.

“Alright,” your husband responded with a sigh as he squeezed your knee, “But please, promise you’ll tell me if there’s anything I can do for you.”

“Promise.” An agreement that you sealed with a kiss.

Mike was a good man, he was someone who cared for you deeply and who made you feel safe. After your transfer to the DC Shield Office, you had sworn off any more office romances. Those never ended well. That was until your path crossed with Mike. From the beginning of the relationship, you were upfront about your past issues with relationships and how you weren’t ready to dive into anything and he simply stated that he was okay with that, that he would wait.

The marriage was a happy one, Mike always playing the role of doting, caring husband. No matter how much you pushed back against him, he was always willing to give you space and to let you feel what you were experiencing. Mike was a good man. But he wasn’t him.

Your gaze left his as your eyes returned to the skyline, the familiar pressure clawing its way back to your chest. It’d been 8 years since you saw him. 8 years since you packed your bags and left the only home you’d ever truly known. Sure, you had this new life - a new husband, new friends, new job with similar duties, but there was still a piece of you that was missing. A piece you knew could never possibly be filled again. You had come to terms with that, slowly, but it had happened eventually. Now that you were back, you knew you were going to have to see him again - see all of them again. While a lot of good memories resided within this area, there was a hell of a lot of pain that went along with it. All you could do in that moment was remind yourself that you were here for Tony - to honor his memory and pay your respects. You didn’t owe anything else to anyone else. Something in your chest, however, told you that wouldn’t be the way things played out.

* * *

The service was beautifully executed. It was obvious that Pepper had poured her heart and soul into ensuring that Tony Stark was remembered as he should have been. The walls of your heart tightened as you saw Pepper clutching their young daughter to her side. Although Tony had made a lot of mistakes in his life, he spent his last years making sure to do good and to make things right. While it felt like a hot knife had been stabbed into your chest as you said goodbye to a once dear friend, you took solace in knowing that Tony was so loved by so many. That his legacy would live on in so many different ways. And that Pepper was there to say goodbye.

It had been your plan to attend the service and then leave immediately after it had ended. Of course, life has a funny way of never doing quite what we want it to.

It was Sam who stopped you first, pulling you into a tight hug against his form as your fingers gripped his jacket. Sam, being the angel he was, never once mentioned anything from the past and instead expressed his happiness with seeing you again and learning that you were doing well. The one thing Sam was not good at however, was keeping his mouth shut. Word quickly traveled through the crowd of your attendance and one by one old friends began to find you. Wanda didn’t have much to say but kept you in a grateful embrace while you expressed your condolences for Vision. In a shocking turn of events, It was actually Peter who was the most difficult to see. The once bright, happy-go-lucky, smiling boy was visibly devastated - heavy dark bags lingered under his eyes and his glow had been severely dimmed by the loss of his mentor. You couldn’t help but cry as you held him in your arms, expressing to him how proud of him Tony was and how he’d told you just that on several occasions.

After the hellos, the hugs, and the reminiscing you had told yourself that was it, that you were going to leave. It was then that Pepper stopped you with a soft hand on your shoulder, a kind smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, and a warm embrace. After a pause of silence, she pulled away and invited you and Mike to stay for the gathering that had been planned following the service. Your mind screamed at you, begging you to politely decline - tell her you had to get back to DC, that you had a flight already booked that you couldn’t miss, that you had important business to get back to.

“Of course, Pepper. We’d love to.”

* * *

The gathering was exactly what Tony would have wanted. It was family and friends gathered around eating and drinking, but most of all - it was a bunch of people talking about Tony Stark.

You told Mike before the two of you arrived that you would stay for 20 minutes tops. That it simply would be out of respect for Pepper and once you felt your presence had been noted that the two of you would slip out unnoticed in the sea of people.

That was 2 hours ago.

Laughs came easy, tears flowed frequently, and stories were shared amongst friends. Surprising to you, it felt good to be around these people again. A familiar pang of home would hit you every now and again as you reconnected with those who you hadn’t seen in years. You introduced Mike to your old friends, who welcomed him warmly and with open arms. What you had thought would be a stressful, gut-wrenching day had actually turned out to be a joyful celebration of life. The day had been progressing smoothly and you wanted to chastise yourself for being so pessimistic.

That was, until you saw him.

Hands stuffed into the pockets of a black bomber jacket, long chestnut hair falling onto his shoulders, and a familiar collection of facial hair decorating the lower half of his face. He looked as terrible as you felt at the beginning of the day. Dark circles had only grown more prominent beneath his beautiful blue eyes and the corners of his lips were drawn down in a permanent frown. You couldn’t help but notice that he’d lost a considerable amount of weight. The once broad, thick man was now far more lean and toned than you ever remember him being.

A breath caught in your throat as the cerulean eyes met yours. Unable to stop yourself, you shoved your drink into Mike’s chest and hurried off to the nearest bathroom. Barely making it in time, you emptied your day’s stomach contents into the toilet. Breathing heavily, you fought back sobs as they threatened to leave your throat. To anyone else, it may seem you were simply grieving the loss of your friend, perhaps taking it harder than most. Oh how you wish that were the case.

You knew it would be difficult to see him again, but you didn’t expect it to feel as though someone had set your entire body ablaze. The heavy feeling of grief, anxiety, and stress from the beginning of the day was crushing your lungs, your stomach still trying to lurch although it had nothing left to give up, and tears burned the rims of your eyes. As you cleaned yourself up and flushed the toilet, you exited the stall to wash your hands and rinse your mouth. You tried to convince yourself it was the entire day's worth of emotions that had led you to this moment. That man no longer had this kind of hold on you - you had moved on. Or, so you thought.

Slowly, your gaze met your reflection in the mirror. The woman there looked worn and tired, like she had been fighting a raging war that she had been losing miserably. Mascara had begun to run down the apples of her cheeks and lipstick was smeared across her mouth. A heavy sigh left your lips as you did your best to make yourself more presentable. A shaky hand entered your clutch as you retrieved your lipstick and applied another layer. You gave yourself a final once-over and decided that your current appearance was as good as it was going to get. Just as you were going to turn around and return to the party there was movement in the mirror that caught your eye. The door was being pushed open from the outside. You turned to protest, to let the intruder know that the bathroom was occupied.

“Excuse me, sorry, there’s someone--”

It felt as though all the air had been taken from your lungs and your heart threatened to beat out of your chest as you came face to face with the man you had tried so hard, for so long, to forget. It was as though you were frozen in time, as if he were Medusa - turning you instantly to stone. Logically, the thing to do would be to tell him to get out or for you to leave the bathroom so that he could occupy the space alone. However, all you could do was stand and watch as he closed the bathroom door behind him, as his fingers closed around the lock and clicked it into place.

Then it was just the two of you. Bodies unmoving, aside from the rapid rise and fall of your chests in tandem. The air felt 100 degrees warmer than it had when you were alone. The silence, paired with the thump of your heartbeat, was deafening to your ears. You were hyper-aware of his gaze as he studied you the way you had him not minutes before. His eyes finally met yours once more and there was a poignant silence before he finally spoke.

“Can’t believe you still have that dress.”

Your eyes blinked a few times, brain trying to process his words and the situation you had currently found yourself to be in. You looked down to the front of your dress and smoothed your hands down it. How could you have gone the whole day without realizing that the dress you were wearing had been a gift from Bucky on your first anniversary? You were positive you had rid yourself of anything even remotely related to him. In fact, you distinctly recall dumping a box of momentos into a barrel and tossing a lit match inside. You don’t remember making the conscious decision to keep the dress, or why you would have made the decision. Now here you were - mere feet away from the man who had put it on and so delicately took it off of you many times.

“S’perfectly good dress. Shouldn’t go to waste.” Was all you could muster as a response in that moment.

The man before you took a step forward and you took a step back, hips coming into contact with the cold marble counter of the sink.

“Thought I’d never see you again. Y’look...different.” His gaze roaming its way down your body once more.

As his eyes landed on the diamond ring nestled onto the 4th finger of your left hand, you felt a lump begin to form in your throat.

“Congratulations.” His words were cold. Inauthentic. “He’s a lucky guy.”

“What the fuck are you doing in here, James?” The words were supposed to be sharp, but instead came out shaky and insecure.

“Saw you out there, starin’ at me. Guess I just wanted a closer look at you.”

By the end of the sentence he had closed the gap between the two of you even more, chests threatening to bump one another. His metal hand slowly reached forward and brushed a piece of hair off your shoulder. The cool appendage felt like fire against your skin and you know he heard the way you sharply inhaled, but you just couldn’t help it. You swallowed hard, head reeling and knees trying to buckle beneath you when you felt his cool palm cup your fiery cheek. It took everything in your body to avert your eyes from him, especially when you felt him even closer than before - warm breath fanning the expanse of your face. Why was he doing this? What was he going to accomplish? The fight or flight response in your body was screaming at you to push him away and run, but you didn’t.

“I’ve thought about you every day since you left, sweets. There’s not a moment that passes by where you’re not on my mind.”

Your eyes closed tightly, tears now welling up and spilling over.

“Everything you said about me that night was true. I am a coward. A coward who lost the best fuckin’ thing that ever happened to his sorry, broken ass.”

A small sob escaped your chest as your hand flew to your mouth, failing to keep it from tumbling out. Bucky found a loose thread and was slowly unraveling everything you’d worked toward in the last 8 years, every step toward progress and peace that you had worked so hard to find.

“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, doll” Bucky was now fully cupping your face with his large, calloused hands, “I’m so sorry that you fell in love with someone like me - a broken son of a bitch who never got put back together. I’m sorry that I hurt you so badly. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you the way I promised I would. I’m sorry that -”

In a moment of weakness, before he could finish his sentence, you were crashing your lips to his. There was nothing else that existed in your world - there was only you and there was only Bucky. Seemingly moving on their own accord, your hands found their way into his hair, grasping wildly for something to hold on to. As your fingers tugged on his roots, Bucky let out a deep moan into the kiss, sending a shiver down your spine.

The kiss was sloppy and desperate, all tongue and teeth. It was a balance of dominance between the two of you - although you were the one who initiated the kiss, Bucky was the first one to gain access to the inside of your mouth, and you were the first to tug his lower lip between your teeth. A pathetic mewl left your lips as Bucky’s mouth began trailing wet kisses across your jaw and down the column of your throat. The heartbeat in your ears from earlier was much worse now, making your head throb in pain. Every nerve ending in your body felt as though it was on fire and a small voice in the back of your head kept pleading with you to stop. For a moment you entertained the idea of shoving him off and telling him to fuck off, but that was before he started sucking that spot on your neck that he knew drove you mad. It was your turn to moan this time as you involuntarily arched your back, pressing yourself up against his firm torso.

You knew the way that you were tugging on the strands of his hair had to be incredibly painful but it only seemed to urge Bucky to continue. A soft gasp tumbled past your lips as you felt Bucky’s thigh push against your aching core. The sensation had you digging your fingernails into the back of his jacket as you finally released your grip on his hair. Before you could stop yourself, you could feel your hips grinding yourself down against his clothed thigh. Your dress had been pushed up around your waist, now only a small piece of cloth covering you as you desperately chased a high.

“I shoulda never let you go. Shoulda been at the airport to stop you before you got on that plane.”

His teeth sunk into your pulse point once more, earning himself another moan from your lips. The sting was soon replaced with the cool sensation of his tongue tracing the marks he had left.

“I love you, doll. I haven’t ever stopped lovin’ you.”

“Show me,” you whimpered pathetically against his shoulder, “show me you love me, Bucky. Please.”

An audible breath caught in his throat as he pulled himself back to look at you. Your chest was heaving, make-up smeared once more, and your pupils were blown wide with lust. You obviously weren’t able to see the look you gave him, but judging by the way he looked back at you it was fair to say you looked broken, pathetic, and desperate for him. The eyes looking back at you had the softness to them that you remember, the strokes of his hands against your body contained the passion that you’d so been longing for, and the tone in his voice told you that he was desperate for you too.

Within seconds your feet were lifted from the ground and your ass made contact with the cold, wet countertop. There wasn’t a lot of room, objects were scattered onto the floor and others were left to push into your hips with aggressive force, but you just didn’t care. It was impossible to care when Bucky moved your knees apart and dragged a finger along your clothed pussy. The sensation made your head fall back against the mirror with a hard thud but you couldn’t feel any of the pain from it at all. The only thing you felt was the way electricity rippled through your body when he used his thumb to apply pressure to your aching clit. Bucky groaned and rested his forehead against yours, lips slightly parted as he felt your need for him growing.

“So wet for me, just like I remember. Lemme make you feel good, sweets, hmm?” He had leaned forward to whisper softly in your ear as his teeth grazed your lobe.

It was you who reached down and shoved your panties down your thighs, meeting a surprised look from Bucky as he helped you drag them down to hang around your ankle. Bucky’s tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip as he hooked his hands underneath your knees to spread your legs open for him. Another groan came from him, this time more guttural than the last. You felt small underneath his gaze and the cool air in the bathroom brushing across your soaking core made you shiver.

Your hand flew to your mouth to suppress the noises you made as his finger slipped through your folds, running up and down to collect your wetness.

“More. God. Please, Buck. Need more.” You whined, attempting to roll your hips against his hand to find any form of friction that you could.

“Anything for you, baby.” He whispered as he gently inserted a finger inside of you. The two of you moaned in tandem.

There was a brief moment of embarrassment with the way your walls immediately clenched around his finger and the way his finger immediately found that soft spot. It was shortly replaced with a feeling of ecstasy. Bucky captured your lips with his to swallow your moans as he added another finger. The way his fingers were curling and pumping inside of you already had you close to the edge. Bucky pulled back and held your gaze as he added pressure to your clit with his thumb, circling the area as his fingers continued to repeatedly hit that spot inside of you.

“Please, please don’t stop.” You begged as you felt the pressure building within the lower part of your body.

“S’okay. I’m right here.” Bucky’s other hand was cradling the back of your head as he whispered to you. “I know you’re close. Can feel you squeezin’ me. You can let go for me, I got you.”

As your eyes met his, foreheads pressed together, you finally came apart. The white hot sensation tears through you as your legs quake. You squeeze your eyes shut and allow Bucky to help you ride through your orgasm as he peppers light kisses along your neck.

“I almost forgot how pretty you look when you cum.”

You whine at the emptiness and loss of contact when Bucky removes his fingers from your center. As your eyes flutter open you see him push the fingers into his mouth and suck them clean. The look on his face was euphoric.

“God. Almost forgot how fuckin’ sweet you taste too.”

Mustering up all the strength you had, you sat up and pulled him closer by his belt. The two of you worked together to rid him of his pants and boxers. Your hand wrapped around him, thumb swiping the red tip and using the pre-cum to help lubricate as you pumped your hand down his length. Bucky’s jaw clenched as he moaned at the sensation. Just as you were going to leave the counter, you felt his hands grabbing your shoulders and halting your movements.

“Maybe a different time, sweets. But right now I gotta be inside you.”

You caught your bottom lip as you nodded and released your hold on him. Bucky’s hands wrapped around your thighs as he pulled your hips to the edge of the sink. The metal hand left your thigh as he grabbed himself at the base and pushed his length through your folds. The two of you once more shared a moan at the sensation. As he lined himself up with your entrance, your hands wrapped around his neck to pull him in for another kiss. The next thing you felt was the familiar sting of his cock stretching your walls as he slid into you. Your lips left his and your forehead found itself pressed against his once more. Both of you panting heavily as neither of you dared to speak a word.

Following a moment of silence, allowing your body time to stretch to accommodate him, you nodded slowly as to signal to him that it would be okay for him to move. His thrusts were slow and calculated at first, as if he was attempting to regain his memory of your body - one that he once knew so well. You couldn’t help but dig your fingernails into his shoulder as you held on to him for dear life, subconsciously afraid that if you were to let go of him he’d be gone again forever.

“Faster, Bucky. Please.” You whimpered into his ear as you took his earlobe between your teeth and nibbled softly.

A low growl left his chest as he grabbed your hips and lifted you off the counter, moving slightly so that he could cage your body against the wall. You wrapped your legs firmly around his waist, locking them at the ankle. His thrusts became faster, deeper, and it was apparent he had gained his confidence back.

“You feel so fuckin’ good, baby. Just the way I remember.” He grunted as he dug his fingers harder into your hips.

His lips were on yours again, this time tears were starting to decorate the corners of your eyes. The pleasure, the regret, the passion, the guilt - every feeling was building up along with your orgasm. Bucky pulled away from the kiss to tap on your bottom lip with two of his fingers, which you greedily accepted into your mouth. Your tongue swirled around his digits until he pulled them out and used them to circle your clit. The added pleasure was almost too much to handle.

“C’mon, baby. Wanna cum with you. Can you do that for me, huh?” Bucky whimpered, his thrusts beginning to falter from the calculated snaps he was giving you before.

All you could do was nod your head quickly as the pressure steadily increased, bringing you to the brink of your second orgasm.

“I love you. I love you. I love you so fuckin’ much, oh my god.” Bucky grunted as the two of you reached your peak together.

You leaned forward to bite down on his shoulder and suppress the scream that left your mouth as pleasure erupted through your body. The two of you assisted each other through the high of your release and you felt your ass make contact with the cool countertop once more.

The only noise present in the space was your heavy breathing and a small dripping noise that came from the sink. Bucky’s final words before he came replayed in your head over and over again as you attempted to slow your breathing and bring yourself back down to earth. Your body shuttered slightly as Bucky slipped himself out of you. As you sat up, you noticed he was looking around the bathroom.

“Shit, sweets. I don’t think there’s anything I can use to help clean you up.” He sighed and turned to meet your gaze that was locked upon him.

“It’s fine, Buck. Not a big deal.”

Bucky bent over and helped you pull your panties back on before he redressed himself. Neither of you spoke for what felt like eternity.

“I-...” You muttered finally, “I love you too, Buck. I thought I was over you, I thought I moved on but...I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop loving you no matter how hard I try.”

Bucky reached out to stroke your cheek with the back of his hand as he listened to you lament to him. His eyes were soft and caring and you could almost swear he was looking into the depths of your soul.

“I think —“

Your conversation was cut short by the sound of knocking at the bathroom door.

“Hey, are you okay in there? Do you need anything?” Mike’s voice had your entire body flooded with the shame of your infidelity. In one swift movement, you were on the floor and turning the sink on to make it appear you were just washing your hands.

“Y-yeah I’m fine! Just finishing up! I’ll find you out there in a minute!” You squeaked.

Mike seemed to pause for a moment before you heard his footsteps retreat from the bathroom door. A wave of relief washed over you, but it was only temporary. As soon as you were relaxed the gravity of the situation you were in was clouding you once more.

“I have to go. I can’t give him any reason to think he needs to come in here.” Bucky nodded, eyes not leaving yours as you spoke while collecting yourself, “but we need to..we should..we have to address this. Later.”

“I agree.”

“Our flight leaves tomorrow night. I’ll...see what I can come up with as far as an excuse. Then we can put this to bed for good.”

“Absolutely, sweets.”

The nickname made your knees buckle once more as you sighed.

“Goodbye, James.”

You finally tore your eyes from his as you unlocked the door and slipped out of the bathroom. In reality, however, you knew this really wasn’t goodbye. Not even close.

[omigiry]

Sleepy 💤

Middle Blockers with a sleepy s/o 

warnings: none

━━━ 𝙏𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙢𝙖

He really doesn’t care if you fell asleep in class, but would compile notes for you if you ever did end up sleeping for the rest of the class.

Whenever you study together you’d always end up falling asleep as well or requesting for a nap.

He’s confused as to why you could sleep so much even if you get a whole 8 hours of sleep or even more. 

You yawned as your handwriting became unreadable, your eyes were starting to slowly close and your visions were blurry. It was a sign that you needed to sleep. 

“It’s only an hour into studying.” Tsukishima said as he saw you shaking your head trying to stay awake. Despite your sleepiness you still easily caught up on the lessons except for a particular subject that you hate. 

“No more studying, please. Sleep is needed.” 

“It’s only 8pm.” He loves to prolong a conversation when you’re sleepy just to see you suffering, but in reality he enjoyed your adorable whining expression. How you would pout, how your eyebrows creased together, and your eyes squinted. 

“Yeah, and it’s time for sleep.” 

“No, you need to finish this assignment first.” 

You grumbled at him and glared at the book in front of you.

“I can do it tomorrow. I’ll wake up by 4am and do it.” 

“I don’t trust you with that.” He said. If the subject is scheduled in the afternoon he knows that you would do tha assignment during break time. He knows that you could finish it, but cramming is not a good habit. 

“If you finish this right now, I’ll let you borrow my hoodie that you could sleep in.” With that statement coming out of his mouth it was enough to motivate you and try to stay awake as much as possible.

━━━ 𝙃𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙖

A sunshine. He would literally be beaming early in the morning.

When he visits your classroom during break he could see that you were sleeping at your desk. He would let you rest for a few minutes before waking you up to eat.

You couldn’t be mad at him for waking you up.

“Is (y/n) here?” Hinata asks one of your classmates. When they pointed to you, you were already sleeping at your desk. 

He entered the classroom and took the seat available in front of you. He puts his lunch box down and would just look at you while you sleep, sometimes he would play with your hair. 

20 minutes later, he wakes you up to have lunch together. You woke up with a frown on your face ready to fight whoever woke you up, but your expression quickly changed when you saw Hinata in front of you. 

“It’s time to have lunch. As much as sleep is important, eating is also important.” He said as he sets his lunchbox in front of you. 

You were blinking away the sleep from your eyes and grabbed your lunchbox as well.

He would start a conversation and by how he was smiling at everything he says to you, it helps you wake up. You hated the beam of the morning sun, but this was something you’d always want to wake up to.

━━━ 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙖𝙬𝙖

Annoys you whenever he sees you asleep in the classroom, but he would let you sleep in peace occasionally. 

Whenever you would fall asleep when he’s next to you he would let you lean on his shoulders. 

He tried giving you coffee every morning but it has no effect. You couldn’t drink straight black coffee so that was out of the option. 

First thing in the morning when he got to school, he saw you in class already asleep. It’s a surprise that you could come to school early just to sleep. 

He puts his bag down on his seat before he goes to you. He pokes your arm to wake you up and he will not stop until you do. 

You were slowly waking up and knew who’s annoying you first thing in the morning. 

“If you do not stop, I’ll break that finger.” You threatened him.

“Sheesh, no need to be violent. Can’t I just want to see your beautiful face?” 

You lifted your head and looked at him with a deadpan expression. He compliments you, but this one was something to annoy you. 

“Come on, let’s go buy some drinks. You're low on sugar.” He pulled you to get up and dragged you out of the classroom. You try to get away from his grip wanting to sleep more.

━━━ 𝙏𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙪

Already has so much energy first thing in the morning and it will not run out for the whole day. 

He would greet you with a smile and wants to talk to you about the latest chapter of manga he was reading but when he sees your head bobbing down he would stop talking and would gently lay down your head on the table. 

He may look sleepy but in reality you were the one who is actually sleepy. He may be playful and loves to tease whoever he is close with but he wouldn’t dare annoy you when you’re asleep. 

It was lunch break and Tendou was excitedly talking about his current favorite series. You were listening to everything said, afterall you also share the common interest. He would suggest some of his favorites that you haven’t checked out yet and tell you the gist of the series, characters, and some of his favorite arcs.

As you listened to him, your eyes were slowly closing. It’s not because you aren’t interested anymore, Tendou knows that, it was because of the time. You always feel sleepy after eating. 

“You always fall asleep when I’m getting on the good parts.” He says.

“Tell me more about it later. It seems interesting.” 

“Did you binge another series last night?”

You nodded and yawned. You doze off as he gently puts your head down on your desk.

━━━ 𝙆𝙪𝙧𝙤𝙤

Would also let you lean on his shoulders and offer an arm for you to hug. 

You’d always end up sleeping on your ride back home, and when it has gotten to a point where you missed your stop it was a wise decision to wait for Kuroo and go home together so he could wake you up. Sometimes you would end up also falling asleep while waiting for him.

He’d entwine your hands together if you fall asleep on his shoulder.

You were waiting for Kuroo to finish his practice as you finish your homework so you could sleep and relax once you get home. You were waiting for them by the court but when practice got intense and there would be a lot of stray balls you decided to go to the second floor of the gym and sat down there on the floor, since it was only a small walkway for people to watch from above.

Kuroo didn’t notice that you went there so when they were taking a break and did not see you at your usual spot, he was confused. If you went home early, you would inform him or at least wait for them to have a break so you could tell him. 

“Are you looking for (y/n)?” Coach Naoi asked. 

“Yes, have you seen her coach?” 

Coach Naoi pointed at where you were located and Kuroo went up there. He saw you leaning on the pillar of the wall with a notebook loosely held in your hands. Kuroo sighed and shook his head, but he found it adorable, he went back down to grab his jacket and put it over you.

He let you sleep peacefully as practice resumed and only woke you up once it was over. He was amazed that you could sleep through all the shouting they made when they play.

━━━ 𝙎𝙪𝙣𝙖

He’s also sleepy as much as you are. When he sees you asleep on your desk, he would also sleep next to you, he also puts his head down next to yours. 

When he realizes that you’re a sleepy head he starts to bring a small pillow for you so you could be comfortable. 

If both of you were sleeping, that means someone needs to wake you up before the teacher comes. The twins were the one who does this, and find the most annoying ways to wake you two up. 

There was a vacant hour because of an emergency meeting between the school faculty. Suna went to the lockers and grabbed the pillow he leaves there for you. He knows that if there’s a vacant time you would spend it either asleep or scrolling through your phone. 

Once he returned to the classroom he pulled his chair and put it next to you. 

“Already sleepy?” You asked him as he laid his head down on your desk.

Suna hummed. “Not yet, I’ll just sit next to you until I do. I’m pretty sure you’ll be the first one to fall asleep though.” He replied.

“Is that a bet?” 

“You guys are so weird, who would make a bet on who would fall asleep first?” Osamu commented. You both ignored him as you turned your attention back to your phone and Suna did so as well. “It’s like I’m invincible when these two are together.” Osamu sighed.

“You’re not the only one.” Atsumu added. 

Eventually you and Suna dozed off at the same time. Suna taking up the most space on your desk you ended up resting your head on his back. Five minutes before the next teacher comes to the classroom, Atsumu blasted loud music near your ear. When you woke up, you were ready to throw your shoes at him. Suna wouldn’t even stop you, in fact he would be the one encouraging you, along with Osamu, as he readies his phone to record the moment.

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

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June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[wandering-child-rp]

For the mini fic: what about number 7 things you said while driving for E/C 💖💖

“Thanks for the lift. You didn’t have to. I could have gotten the bus.” Christine forced a smile onto her nervous face as Erik gripped the steering wheel a little harder. It was painful for him but he didn’t like the idea of Christine alone on public transport late at night.

The lights of the highway would bathe the saloon car into bright light every so often and gave them both some shadows to hide in. Christine put the lead in her stomach down to nerves.

“I don’t mind driving you. I know you’d do the same for me if I needed a favour.”

“Except I don’t have a car and I cannot drive.” Christine laughed, it was a one-sided friendship. It was strange really. He didn’t seem to have many friends and it was always Christine chasing him. Unless it was after a lesson because then Erik always had a fantastic dinner for her, a great bottle of wine and he was good company. There had been a while when Christine had developed a crush on him but it was never reciprocated. She’d given him a thousand opportunities and lingering a little longer than needed at the door waiting for a kiss that never came.

Her hands stretched over her thighs with a huff of air.

“Nervous?” Erik asked but desperately he didn’t want to hear Christine pour out her feelings about her new boyfriend. He hated the constant buzzing of her phone when they sat together or the way she’d smile and laugh at whatever was on that stupid screen.

“Yeah... a little. I wish he could have come back instead of me flying out to him.” Erik’s large hand landed onto Christine’s with a comforting squeeze.

“I know. It’s sad your missing the season opener.” In his heart of hearts, he wanted Christine to be sat next to him in the box. He wanted to twist the playbill in his hands over and over trying to pluck up the courage to slide his hand into hers. Exactly like it was now. His hazel eyes went wide and he whipped away the warmth all too suddenly leaving Christine confused again and feeling like an imposition.

It would have been nice to go with Erik. He was a gentleman truly. Yes, he was a little older than her but he was sweet and respectful. Meg kept saying it was just a crush on an older man who had that mysterious thing but Christine wasn’t so sure. She laughed at his clever jokes and dumb ones and could listen for hours to him play or dissect a film scene by scene. He lent her books that he thought she needed to read and empowered her beyond belief. Only when she needed it though did he interfere.

</i>

“Your favourite book is ‘Pride and prejudice? Did Mr Darcy like Elizabeth more because she was outspoken and her own woman?” Christine only nodded. “Then stop pandering to these idiots. Yes, take their direction but not when it cuts you down. If it doesn’t stop I’ll bloody tell them.”

“They’re bossy; not romantic though.” She said trying to lighten the atmosphere and stop feeling like such a silly little girl. Erik only raised his eyebrows and bit his tongue trying to keep his attention solely on the tv in front of them. “No one has ever declared their undying love for me.”

“Maybe if you followed the advice.” </i>

Erik remembered that night. The air hung thick as Christine ran her finger around the rim of her glass and the silence rang. He knew he loved her then. It was sudden and all at once; like drowning. He fought it but couldn’t swim to the surface again. It was fine when it was just lessons and direction but then they met up. She didn’t look at the mask but at Erik’s eye. He held his temper and the time it was ragged, she simply laid her hand on his shoulder and then it took all his power not to declare his feelings. Erik wasn’t stupid; she was young, beautiful and smart. Out of his league. Then, she suddenly had a boyfriend on the scene after a connection with an old friend. It was dreadful to watch them. Erik was waiting at the stage door with flowers but they ended up in the trash can when he realised he’d been beaten to the punch.

The pair came to the airport all too quickly. Christine methodically checked off her list for the hundredth time.

“Passport? Yes. Money? Yes. Ticket? Yes. Phone? Yes. Makeup bag? Yep. So, I’m all set.” Christine looked beautiful in her thick sweater, the mass of curls blow dried out by the hairstylist this morning and her body bouncing nervous energy as she smiled widely at Erik with the harsh light reflecting off his mask. “Vienna, here I come! City of opera dreams and I’ll be back in a few weeks.”

Erik knew she wouldn’t come back. She had nothing in Paris anymore and her father was back in Sweden. He knew the allure of a new city and a new start but he’d miss her too much to admit. She was tense and clearly something was distracting her, as always, she just blurted it out after only a stern look from her mentor.

“He’s nice, right? He’s not texted much but now a driver is going to pick me up? That’s okay, isn’t it?” Erik wouldn’t dream of it. He would even let her take public transport alone and insisted she stayed in his guest room when he caved and shared a bottle of wine with her.

“Yes.” He replied monosyllabically before adding some care when he saw Christine's face drop a little. “Let me know when you get to his house at least. Goodbye, angel.”

‘Angel’ Christine melted just like when he’d coined the term back for her. She had not known his name when the first note had come or the loud shout across the stage from a fast-moving figure. Erik had told her to start an octave higher and, it had worked perfectly, she had hit the last note despite not knowing. Jokingly, she’d referred to him since as her ‘Angel of music’. It had become truthful as her broken heart had begun to mend itself.

“I can still call you, can’t I?” Erik noted she was picking at the handle of her bag and delaying for time. Nodding, Erik was about to splurge out everything but as he opened his mouth, some jackass behind him started to honk for the drop off space.

“Of course. Good luck with the audition. I’ll come to see you perform, I’m sure.”

He watched her walk away with the backpack that was his before, handbag and battered suitcase decorated with a floral print. It wasn’t medically possible but he was quite sure he could physically feel his heartbreaking. The tears clouded his vision so Erik gave up trying and pulled in for a drive-through coffee he’d normally baulk at. Red and white lights flashed overhead as planes carrying people off to their dreams, vacations and loved ones. The pain came in another crashing wave as he saw the coffee Christine got flash on the menu board; double-shot caramel latte. How was it possible for a coffee to cause a thousand stabs of ice to a heart. Erik reconciled himself to just wait out the hour and a half to watch her plane take off into the night sky. Then he’d go home and drink his body weight in liquor.

The whole plane groaned as the captain announced the delay. They’d sat on the tarmac for half an hour but it felt so much longer for someone as nervous as she was. Christine swore under her breath as she wrestled the backpack from the compartment. Why wasn’t Erik here? He never had to stand on his tiptoes to reach anything.

1 Voice Note from ‘Angel of Music 🎶 (ERIK DESTLER). 20 minutes ago. Christine held the phone to her ear as she jostled her way through disgruntled people and his velvet tones spilled into her ears.

‘So, I’m just at Starbucks and I can’t not say this anymore. I’m so sorry to do this, Christine, and like this. Look, just don’t listen past this but let me do it. We can pretend it never happened. I really want you to be happy and I don’t care if that’s not with me but... fuck... I don’t even know why I’m doing this but... here goes. I love you. A lot. Always have and always will. You can’t blame me because look at you and look at me. I know you won’t feel the same but I care for you so much, Christine. My wretched heart will always belong to you. The one who saw through the bullshit. Don’t think nothing or no one is missing you in Paris because I will be. Don’t dwell on it though. Go be happy... If you want to come home or something goes wrong, I’ll buy your ticket home and be waiting to collect you. Anytime, any day, just call me. You can always call me. No questions asked.’ There was a noise of a steering wheel being slapped and Erik squeezing his nose and clearing his throat before a new note started. ‘Anyway, just call me if you need and, best of luck. I know you’ll be perfect and don’t take any shit from anyone. I’ll get over all of this and I’m sorry. Unless you didn’t listen to that message in which case, erm, send me a postcard kid.’

Christine felt like the world had fallen out from under her and anything she thought was true wasn’t anymore. Throwing her handbag onto the seat, she paced around and listened to the message again. Surely she’d misheard him.

Erik perched himself on the wing of his car. His third cup of coffee in one hand a cigarette in the other as he blew smoke into the sky and watched a plane take off. Her flight was seven minutes late but he saw the green tail knew it was her flight as the flight app hadn’t updated with the last-minute delay.

“Fucking hell, Erik...” he mumbled to himself and threw the butt of the cigarette away after only taking three drags. “Stupid bastard...”

Never before had he felt so deflated but with freedom now. It was out into the world regardless of his regrets or lack of. The words where just like the smoke; impossible to catch or recall in the night sky. It was what it was, Erik thought as he sat back in the driver's seat and drummed the leather wheel defeated. He sat there spinning his phone on his thigh whilst the radio played the weather forecast monotonously. He had muted Christine and unmuted her twice just in case she needed him suddenly yet he hadn’t looked to see if she heard the message before boarding. The timing was meant to be that she’d already have shut off her phone before getting on the plane. It was nearly an hour ago since he’d practically bled the words out of his mouth and tonight, he’d go home and get very drunk before sleeping in tomorrow and he’d remain drunk until the opening night of the opera in four days. Then, he’d force himself back together and to face the world.

“Erik?” That voice. His head whipped around quickly and pulled a muscle. “My- my flight got delayed.”

His face visibly dropped but Christine held up her phone with the screen illuminating the picture of the artwork in Erik’s corridor that she adored. It was a perfect metaphor. Even when it wasn’t about him, Erik was never far from her thoughts.

“I got your message.” The young woman was nervous and simply flying on instinct as the moments turned into seconds and she was closing the gap between them and then her body hit his and their lips met in a breathless kiss full of fire and longing. Christine’s smile was large and her eyes crinkled when Erik looked shocked and confused. Slowly, his long arms wrapped around her waist and one knee shook weakly. She was here, in his arms and smiling at the thought of him. “I wish you’d told me before.”

“I didn’t want to cloud our friendship.”

“Friendship? Erik, it was never just a friendship with us. It doesn’t take me five minutes to unlock my door and say goodbye in the car and I wanted you. I thought you could see that-“

In response, his lips met hers again as one palm cradled her cheek. The mask was unforgiving but Christine knew what was underneath already from coming over early months ago. He’d freaked out and was embarrassed but she handled it without a moment of thought.

“Are you staying?” Erik whispered with a voice dripping with dark honey and his nose rubbed against hers as Christine cuddled him close in the chilly night with her arms around his neck.

Several hours later and Erik was kissing Christine’s nude shoulder as he cuddled behind her still unable to sleep despite their activities. Christine hummed in happily nuzzled softly in a bed that smelt of his cologne. She couldn’t stop thanking delayed flights and voice notes of deep thoughts in cars. She could have missed out on her love so easily but as Erik’s chest pressed against her back in his bed, Christine knew she was exactly where she was meant to be.

@sloanedestler

[fallingfor-fics]

Teachers pet-chapter 22: forbidden forest

All chapters

Chapter 21

It was the next day and id not gone to breakfast or any of my classes. It was Lunchtime and I was supposed to be in Snape's room for lessons. But after last night, I didn't have the energy to get out of bed. I didn't know what it was but I just couldn't seem to move from the spot. Hermione had come to check on me after I had missed breakfast and I just told her I wasn't feeling well. I know she didn't believe me, but she didn't press any further. I felt guilty for not telling Snape that I was gonna be absent from our tutoring sessions today. I guess I could send a note. I reached out for a journal in my bag and tore out a piece of paper.

Dear Professor Snape,

I'm afraid I've come down with something and will not be attending our lessons, or class today. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Y/n

I forced myself to get up folding the note and opening my window. I got Hera out of her cage and gave the note to her, she took it in her beak and I walked her over to the window. "Get this to Professor Snape please. She cooed and flew off my arm out the window. I went and crawled back into my bed pulling the covers up over me. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't see him after last night, it was too embarrassing, and him not talking about it only made it worse. How did he feel about me now? I thought about what Dumbledore had said. But there was no way the universe would give me the opportunity of me earning this man's affection. I closed my eyes in hopes to just fall asleep so I wouldn't have to worry about these petulant thoughts. But with my luck I couldn't. I remembered the book Ruth had given me and lazily grabbed it from my bag. I looked over the title once more, laying back down and began to read it.

Hera flew to Snapes window landing on his windowsill with a small flutter. He looked up over at her and opened his window. He didn't recognize this owl and was a bit confused at first, he was wondering where you were and why he hadn't seen you all day. He took the note from the owl and looked it over. Had he messed up giving you those lessons? Did you feel violated from him entering your mind the way he did? He was afraid he'd overstepped. He grabbed parchment and a quill and began writing back to you. Halfway through he realized you'd probably not want to speak to him. Unless you were telling the truth and he was just being foolish, and you really were sick. He pondered for a moment before getting up and walking over to his potions closet, he found a small versatile antidote for any common illness and walked back over to his desk, handing it to Hera. "See to it this gets to Ms. L/n" he said as the owl took off out his window and he sat back down at his desk.

I saw Hera flying back in and sat up holding out my hand for her to land on, I noticed a small vial she was holding and she dropped it in my hand. There was nothing else though besides a note that read:

Ms. L/n

This should help with your illness, be careful and don't drink too much or you may get drowsy. I hope you feel better.

Professor Snape

I gave a small smile at the fact he cared enough to send me this, I guess he really did think of us as friends. If only I could get him to think of me as more. I mean it couldn't be too hard could it? Getting the lonesome, cold, and  mean Professor to return my feelings. Easier said than done I guess. I thought back to that book I took. Make him jealous? Could that even be done? I shook away the foolish thoughts and opened the vial. "Well i'm not actually sick so should I really take this?" I said, talking to the only person in the room, myself, and Hera I guess. She just looked at me and turned her head. "Well that wasn't a no" I took a swig and almost threw it up immediately. "Holy shit for a potions professor he really gave me the worst tasting potion ever." I took one more sip not sure how much was too much and put the cap back on, sticking it in my trunk at the end of my bed. I grabbed my book again and continued reading it. It was very interesting so far. It was  about an older gentleman, very intelligent living in Paris, and he had a particular taste in women, for they weren't women but young girls. I squirmed at the thought, what kind of grown man would like 12 year olds, it's very gross, but I couldn't help to think about the way he talked about his feelings. I hated to say it, he was a bad man, but he didn like them in nasty horrific ways I guess. I paused for a moment thinking about my Professor. He was what 36? And I'm 16 almost 17. Well when I put it that way it definitely makes it worse. He would never love me simply for the fact I'm a child. I got about halfway through the book throughout the day, fighting the sleepiness I began to feel. He had now met Lolita and was explaining how he felt for her, and how she felt for him. In the beginning I was repulsed by the idea of him and a girl. But she loved him and he loved her, it wasn't focused on the idea she was young, just how he felt for her in his heart. This gave me the smallest bit of hope. Maybe if Severus liked me for me and looked past the 20 year age gap it wouldn't seem like such a big deal. I mean this is all irrational thinking anyways since he'd never actually develop the feelings I'm hoping for. I looked up out my window and quickly got up realizing it was already dark. I had missed dinner, and usually this is when Id go for more lessons with Snape. I still could make it if I tried, but it doesn't change what had happened last night and if we were... normal again. I decided against it and took out the vial, sipping more than last time, and layed down. I felt myself grow very sleepy and drift off into sleep, hoping I could just sleep the rest of the week.

   I woke up dazed and confused, how long was I out? I looked around and saw it was still dark outside. I looked over at my clock and it read midnight. Is it midnight today? Or of tomorrow? I slowly got up and walked over to the calendar Ruth had taped to the wall next to her bed. Ok so it's still Tuesday, well I guess Wednesday now since it's past midnight. I went to the bathroom and realized I was still in my nightgown, never having changed out of it. I felt nasty though, it makes sense since I was in bed all day. I went to my trunk grabbing my shower bag and new pajamas. I took a quick hot much needed shower and brushed out my hair. Slipping on my underwear, dark green silk pajama pants and a matching silk black tank top. I exited the bathroom letting all the steam out and opened my window a tad. When I did I noticed a note that was on the windowsill, but since it was on the outside it fell and I reached to grab it but it fell outside, I huffed looking down at it and leaned back inside, slipping on some socks and putting on a black knit cardigan, and grabbing my wand. I quietly tiptoed out of the common room into the dungeon hallways, I guess I could have just used magic to grab it, but I needed the air after being in my room all day. I quietly illuminated my wand and began walking to go outside. I didn't see any teachers so far, thankfully. It was kind of late so I doubted there would be a lot of them walking around. As I walked I looked at the dimly lit paintings and such, admiring all of them. I walked out the doors and shivered as I walked into the cold air. Holy fuck its cold, it thought as I walked around to wear my window was. I saw the note on the lightly sodden ground and quickly ran over to it picking it up and unrolling it.

   But when I got it open I realized it was blank. I furrowed my brow looking on the front and back, why would this be delivered to me if it had nothing on it? I had assumed it was from Snape about not coming to our evening lessons, but it had nothing on it. I pulled out my wand and held out the note, "Aparecium" I whispered hoping maybe the note was written in invisible ink or something. Sure enough a short note began to appear. But all it said was "Go here" after I read it a small map began to appear. Ok what? There's no way this is real, someone must be messing with me. I looked around me, still outside, but saw no one. I looked back at the paper trying to figure out where it was going to lead me. I looked back up looking around for any students that might be pulling a prank but didn't see any. This could be a very bad idea I thought to myself. I don't wanna get into trouble, but then again I figured it might be important. I began to study the map once more and looked at it intently, it was a very vague map, I wasn't sure where anything correlated to. I began to walk back inside and noticed an arrow on the map move as I moved, I turned and walked th either direction and it still followed me. Wow so I guess i'm just supposed to trust this random arrow to follow the lines. I looked around once more and decided I would at least need my shoes, I looked up to my window and summoned my boots, I slipped them on and let the map guide me.

   I took me around the outside of the school and down towards Hagrid's hut. Hmm maybe Hagrid sent it and thought I wouldn't remember how to get to his house. But then again I go here all the time for class, and why wouldn't he just come get me? I kept following the arrow and it took me past his hut and over to the Whomping willow, I knew better than to go there so I stopped. This is weird. Why is it taking me here? I looked at the tree and walked very far around it. The arrow followed and I continued on its path as I got in  safe distance from the scary tree. I could see my breath in the cold air and was certain my cheeks and nose were red. I'm sure it didn't help that I had wet hair. I beard the end of the map, my supposed destination and looked up to see where it led me. You have got to be kidding me. It took me right to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. "Ok this has to be a joke, no way i'm going in there" I said out loud looking around for any sign for what I should do. I looked back at the map and flipped it around trying to figure out if I had gone to the wrong place. But the arrow had turned into an x and I looked back up at the forest. I knew of all kinds of creatures that inhabited this forest, Unicorns, centaurs, werewolves, and hippogriffs to name a few, I was fairly skilled in DADA. But I don't think I could fight off any of these by myself. And Hagrid had told me the stories of the students that disappeared in the forest, so why in my right mind would I listen to a random note and go in.  Harry had even told me of the time he and Draco were sent in to find a injured unicorn and ran into The Dark Lord himself, I mean there's no reason the dark lord would want anything to do with me so I highly doubt id see him but the thought still carried in my mind.