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thecapricunt1616 · 9 months ago

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Maca Root - (c.b. one-shot)

𝓢𝓷𝓲𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓽 (𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓑𝓣𝓒): By the time you heard keys in the door, you were already in your pajamas. He came in, clearly uncomfortable. “Shit you made dinner f’r us?! God you’re amazing baby” he wraps you in a hug. He smelt lightly like grease and sweat, but it was a smell you’d never dislike. It was distinctly Bear. Your Bear. “I did, you deserve somethin’ hot hm? How was your day?” You asked softly and kissed his jaw, and down his neck, before rubbing over his chest lightly and getting on your knees to unlace his sneakers to which he sighed gratefully, as his back was killing him after scrubbing the floors for over an hour.

♡ Chapter Inspo: Maca Root is considered a sacred feminine master plant in Peru and is involved in spiritual ceremonies for those wanting to unlock, release, heal, and bring harmony back to the body.

♡ Summary: You cook for Carmy for a change so he has a real dinner for once, & he thanks you with his mouth. Oh! And he tells you he wants to make things official.

♡ W/C: 3,330

♡ Posted Date: 05/10/2024

♡ A/N: Hello! I am literally SO dead I watched the eras tour live stream from Tess on TikTok- SHE PUT IN TTPD!! AAA! Anyway HAHA I had to talk abt. it because i'm literally dead, the whole set is FABULOSO!!! Anywhore - I am so happy with the love Vervain is getting omg! Thank you so much again @carmenberzattosgf for the lovely inspiring ask ILY forever! This one-shot is based on this ask ♡ here ♡ thank you so much oh lovely anon! I hope you like this, please send me an ask any time! As always requests are open everyone! Please enjoy :) *Smooches*

♡ Warnings for BTC: !UNEDITED! (We die like men!), NO Use of Y/N, Fem!Reader (Described AFAB), NO use of physical descriptors (Fem!Black!Reader friendly!), Use of pet names, Smut!, F&M oral giving & receiving, fingering.

♡ 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞! ♡

➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡

➵ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 ♡

You quietly unlocked up Carmys apartment door, seeing as it was 11:00 and he still wasn’t home. You sighed deeply to yourself, slightly annoyed but slightly having expected this. So you go ahead and clean up the empty water bottles and redbull cans, vacuuming and putting his dirty jeans and tshirts in his washing machine for him and starting a load.

You even found some spaghetti and sauce in the cabinet, starting a pot on the stove knowing he was never later then 12:15, and he always ate when he got home since family service was at 3:00 and 9 hours on his feet rushing around a kitchen absolutely built up quite the appetite.

You stripped his bed and put on fresh sheets for the two of you just in time to strain the pasta, and queue up one of his favorite YouTube cooking channels newest videos. You weren’t sure how he understood anything going on given as they were speaking Russian- but he likes what he likes.

By the time you heard keys in the door, you were already in your pajamas. He came in, clearly uncomfortable. “Shit you made dinner f’r us?! God you’re amazing baby” he wraps you in a hug. He smelt lightly like grease and sweat, but it was a smell you’d never dislike. It was distinctly Bear. Your Bear.

“I did, you deserve somethin’ hot hm? How was your day?” You asked softly and kissed his jaw, and down his neck, before rubbing over his chest lightly and getting on your knees to unlace his sneakers to which he sighed gratefully, as his back was killing him after scrubbing the floors for over an hour.

“Y’re a fuckin angel- I don’t deserve that baby” he tells you this every night, but every night you continue to do it, because he does.

“Come sit bear” you drag him to the couch, gently tugging off his sneakers when he sits and he groans, resting his sore feet on the coffee table

“Oh shit- this is new?” He asked as he saw the tv, grabbing the controller and hitting play on the video of some Russian woman making soup.

“Mmhmm- here baby” you made up his plate and brought it to him with a fork and napkin to see he was already slumping down on the couch with his arms crossed and eyes hooded half asleep, he was exhausted. “Bear-“ you said gently and he woke up quickly, sitting up.

“Wow- thank you sweetheart, fuck this is so nice. I’m so hungry thank you honey” he took the plate and kissed you tenderly. “Wait- fuckin hell princess did you clean? Don’ be doin’ that I told you honey thas’ my job” he told you, twirling a good amount of pasta on his fork and taking a bite

“I did clean because there were empty redbull cans everywhere. And you deserve a clean place to hang out when you aren’t working mm?” You kiss the top of his head before heading back to the kitchen and putting away the rest of the pasta, then washing the dishes.

“Baaaaaabe!” He groans in annoyance when he heard the sink cut on and you washing the dishes you used to make dinner “stop! I can do those ‘fore work” he mumbled through a mouth of spaghetti and you giggle

“Ah yes at 2:00? In 3 hours? When I can just do them now?” You teased “id rather have the extra 5 minutes in bed with you” you told him and he blushed, finishing his food as you finished up the dishes and going to sit back on the couch

“Aht!” You tut “bathroom stinky garlic breath then bed.” You told him and he huffed, having been caught.

“C’mon m’tired babygirl come sit w’me” he said and gave you a pout, tugging your hips. You caught yourself on the back of the couch, hovering over him and refusing to give in and straddle his hips, knowing if you did he’d just roll over, lay down, and fall asleep immediately.

“Carmen” you said softly and he scrunched his nose at the use of his full name.

“Don’ call me that” he mumbled, hugging your torso and nuzzling his face in your belly, sighing tiredly.

“Carmen Anthony” you said in response and you laughed at the dramatic groan that came out of him, like a toddler being scolded. “It’s that time my dear, for you to go brush your teeth. Then you can come to bed and I’ll rub your back” you said and his head shot up

“Really?” He questioned hopefully and you giggle.

“Really truly. Get in that bathroom” you ruffle his hair and shut off the tv before heading to the bedroom. He came in a few minutes later, stripping down to his boxers and laying stomach down.

“Been thinkin’ “ he mumbled as you warm up the lotion in your hands.

“Yeah? What about sweetheart?” You gently rub his tight shoulders and he moaned softly at the contact, letting out one of his tired bear sighs as you called them. Just a long, breathy sigh that ended with a little grumble like an old man how bears did in nature documentaries when settling in for the night.

“ ‘bout us” he said and you smiled a bit, continuing to massage his shoulders and back.

“About us huh? What about us love” you counter. You and Carmy had been seeing eachother for about 4 months now, you’d only really been to the restaurant after closing when everyone has already went home but you had gone once for your sisters birthday - of course you told her you knew a great spot when she asked for recommendations. When he saw your name on the reservation list that night, he thought he was surely hallucinating.

When it was finally your reservation time, he went over to the window and looked over his restaurant. Sure enough, you were sitting there. It took everything in him to not go out there - you looked stunning. He wanted to tell you that, he wanted to get a closer look at what you were wearing. He always loved your outfits because you were into vintage fashion just like he was, one of your favorite dates was to get coffee together and then go thrifting.

But he didn’t, because he wasn’t sure you wanted anyone to know you were dating, but he did make sure to let Richie know to comp the table. He was confused as all hell, even more so when he asked ‘why’ and Carmen snapped at him -

‘I dunno cause it says it’s a fuckin birthday table on the reservation and I’m fuckin’ feelin’ nice? So just comp the table and get off my back, cousin.’

Because he hadn’t ever known another time where Carmy was ‘feeling nice’ before, but nonetheless he did as he was told per usual. Your sister was over the moon excited, gushing about what a great review she would leave and how nice it is they gave a random patron a birthday meal.

You weren’t sure if Carmy was okay with you telling people you were dating - so you agreed and just said it was awesome, pretending that same night the man who had made the meal wasn’t fucking you against his shower wall the night prior.

When he saw you that night, and asked why you never said anything - you told him you didn’t wanna be a bother or make him feel you were owed ‘special treatment’, he told you firmly you were never a bother, and that any time you want to come in to let him know because he’d make sure to get you the best spot in the house and of course you’d never pay him to eat there.

When you asked why he looked at you like you had 3 heads before telling you “cus’ you’re you, it’s my restaurant, and in my restaurant, you don’t pay- got it?” that was the end of the conversation.

“About…I dunno- y’my girl…but I’ve never really told anyone other then you before.” He said and your heart flutters.

His girl.

He’d never said that before - put a claim on you. You’re his girl, now. Not just a girl he’s seeing, not just a ‘friend’ which had been the running name you’d both used to describe your relationship, even though there was always a beat of awkward silence after the word came out of either of your mouths.

“I’m your girl” you repeat and he sits up on his forearm and looks at you

“You seein other people?” He asked seriously.

You couldn’t help but laugh. “No Carmy. You have been the only person for…” you stopped, not wanting to embarrass yourself. You had known you wanted something serious with him from the start but were too embarrassed to admit it. “Some time now. So - yes. What about this do you want people to know?” You asked

“I wanna tell people about you…about us - that we’re- y’know..goin’ steady..is that alright?”

You nodded, a big smile forming on your lips. “Yes. Yes- tell anyone you want to. Can I too?” You asked

In response he turned on his side, pulling you to him and kissing you deeply. His tongue swiped along your lower lip, nose nudging the side of yours gently. You opened your mouth for him, tasting toothpaste and mouthwash on his tongue, you hum softly as you felt his hot breath fan your upper lip in a satisfied huff when your hand found his curls, gently massaging the back of his neck.

His calloused hand finds your lower back, pushing up his white shirt that you’d stolen from his hamper that smelt so distinctly of him you couldn’t help but wear it so when he left you too early in the morning it still felt as if he was with you. He loved seeing you wear his clothes, it drove him insane thinking about you, in his apartment, sleeping in his bed, wearing his shirt. It took up a lot more mental space in the mornings then he’d care to admit.

He rolled the lace hem of your faded patterned strawberry panties that Carmy adored. Even though you were getting warm from all the excitement, goosebumps still appeared on your skin from his gentle caress over your stomach before dipping his fingers in the fabric. You, without even needing to think about it, lifted your thigh for him and he cupped your heat for a moment with his hand, squeezing you with a light pressure.

You whined into his mouth, slack jawed from the contact, and you were no longer kissing eachother but more like breathing into eachothers mouths with the sucking of tongue and lips from Carmy. He spread you out with his forefinger as well as his ring finger, a wet click sound following the action. He dipped his middle finger over your dripping hole and you shiver, a bead of sweat dripping down the back of your neck.

He kissed down your chin, to your jaw, to your neck as he teased your entrance with the pad of his finger. You were a pathetic whimpering mess beneath him already, his hands always made you this way. “Please” you whimper and he kissed your jaw as his finger trailed over your exposed clit from having you spread so well with his fingers, even the gentle movement causing your hips to jerk and a cry to leave your throat

“Mmm always so sensitive f’me” he said, gathering more of the wetness from your pussy that was beginning to drip down the curve of your ass and gush with his movements. You gasp as he slathers that wetness over your bud, before easily rubbing his finger back and forth over it as he sucked a bruise into your collarbone.

Your hips rut into his hand, strings of curses mixed between saying his name until he sticks that middle finger inside with no resistance due to how wet you were, upon entrance his finger made a schlick noise as you were essentially sucking him in, like your pussy itself was begging how you were. “Christ” he muttered into your skin, pumping his finger in and out slowly, curling it every so often in search of that spot.

“Please please- another one” you begged and he adds his ring finger, curling them up together and you nearly sob your knees coming together subconsciously

“Open ‘em baby, c’mon lemme make you cum yeah?” He used his other hand to ease your legs apart to realize your thighs were quivering. “Y’bein such a good girl right now lettin me play w’you.” He said hotly in your ear, rubbing over your shaking thigh sweetly as he curled his fingers into the same spot, pressing with increasing pressure and with his palm, massaging your clit.

Your back arched off the bed, grabbing his forearm with one hand and the sheets with the other, gripping them both tightly and your walls flutter around him. “That’s it. Go ahead pretty girl. My pretty girl” he kissed your forehead gently, and the tender gesture mixed with being called his was enough to throw you into an orgasm that had you seeing stars behind your lids as you cry out his name.

Seeing you this way was his favorite part of the day, and it was so good that he sacrificed at least half an hour of his 5 dedicated to sleeping for it. So good, in fact, that seeing you squirm and writhe, mixed with you sobbing out his name and rambling about how only he has ever made you feel so good, and that you wished you could have him all the time - and his now sticky fingers he was able to palm his cock a few times, before sucking the slick off his fingers - the combination of all of that made him cum in his boxers like a teenager.

You hear him whimper at the tail end of your orgasm and you open your eyes to see him gripping his cock with creamy wet boxers, sucking on his fingers so much there was drool dripping down his chin. You couldn’t help but drop your jaw at how hot the sight was, the way his abs clench and unclench, the way his stomach tightens and releases as the waves of his climax crash over him. He was beautiful.

It wasn’t like you could help yourself. You sat up a bit and got on your knees, he didn’t notice because he was still in the thick of it - and straddled his calf. Now he noticed. “What are you-“ he’s interrupted by your nose in the crook of his thigh and his cock, breathing in the salty heady scent of his cum before taking the fabric in your mouth and sucking, looking up at him with big doe eyes through your lashes.

“Oh my god” his eyes nearly rolled in the back of his head, his jaw dropping at the sight before him. “You are gonna fuckin’ kill me” he said and you smiled a bit as you suck down the sweet salty flavor. His cock jumped at the action and you pulled the fabric up between your teeth, tugging down and his cock flopped out onto his stomach, half hard from your antics.

“Can I help you clean up?” You asked sweetly and he bit back a whimper at such an innocent voice being used to ask such a filthy question.

“Uh-“ he swallowed thickly, looking at your chin that was glistening with the sticky cum from his boxers “If- if I can clean you up after” he countered and you nod.

“Sounds like a deal” you said and gently took him in your dominant hand, licking a stripe from base to tip enjoying the way he twitched under your tongue. He bit his lip, sucking a breath through his teeth at the sensitivity so you eased up on the pressure of your tongue when you got to his tip, humming softly when it spurts out a little glob of pre, almost in thanks.

“Wow- you can go again? Already?” You asked amazedly and he shook his head quickly

“Fuck no - hell fuckin’ no, this’ as hard as ‘m’gettin’ it would hurt t’go like this“ he said and you pout a bit.

“Darn, would’ve been fun” you said and resumed rubbing your tongue over his length that was jumping and twitching at your stimulation. “Feels good though right?” You ask and he hums, in a way that almost sounded like a whimper but he clears his throat to cover it

“Mmhmm- feels- feels really good” he said and you smile, rubbing your lips over his vein that ran on the side, dipping your tongue between your lips to feel the girth of it. After a few more minutes of sucking and licking, and a few flicks of your tongue - he gently pats your head “think ‘m clean” he said a bit breathlessly and you looked up at him.

“You sure? I don’t wanna miss any spots” you joked and he chuckled

“I’m sure. And I want my turn now” he said and you wipe your drooly mouth on his hip and giggle before laying down and peeling off your soaked panties, thankful they were coming off because they were becoming uncomfortable - and chucking them who knows where.

“Ah, thanks f’usin me as a napkin very kind” he jokes and fixed his boxers before laying on his stomach in front of you, putting a thigh on each shoulder and essentially hugging your hips, supporting himself with his elbows and going to work right away.

He kissed over your thighs, up your wet sensitive lips to your mound, placing a gentle kiss there as well and gently nibbling on the pad of fat there. “I fuckin love this” he said, sucking on the mound of flesh. You giggled a bit, crossing your ankles together and watching him as he gazes up at you intently.

“You’re nibbling on me like a dog” you gently rub over his hair and scratch his scalp to which he hums in appreciation and licks you over, swirling his tongue over your clit and flicking it. You shivered at the action, thighs cupping his face and he pulled away a bit

“Please don’t make my ears pop” he chuckled, his hot breath ghosting over your heat in a way that made your toes curl.

“Sorry - sorry baby” you loosened your grip and pet his hair gently as he continued to devour your folds, slurping and sucking and lapping up all the wetness you had to offer. You moaned and whimpered, watching him as he dragged his tongue back and forth over your clit, resting his palm face up on your belly. You grabbed his hand, lacing your fingers together over your abdomen.

“You’re so pretty Carmy” you praise, your other hand playing with his now sweaty curls from everything going on “such pretty eyes” you said softly and he hums gently, nuzzling your clit with his nose as he fucks you with his tongue, lapping up your walls from the inside as well. Your belly tightens, hips arching slightly off the bed “fuck baby I’m close” you told him and his eyes flutter shut in bliss, kissing your clit gently before sucking on it.

Your orgasm washed over you like a gentle, warm wave washing you out to sea. You hummed happily as your thighs shook, core clenching and fluttering around his tongue as he worked you through it, stroking your thigh gently. “So good- always so good bear” you said tiredly and kiss his hand. Your eyes fluttered shut for a moment as he licked a stripe up your core to finish you off, before kissing your thigh sweetly.

You then felt him wipe his soaking wet chin and mouth on the inside of your thigh, and your eyes flicker back open to see him smirking teasingly. “What? S’just payback!”

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psychics4unet · 5 months ago

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What Your Shoes Say About Your Psychic Energy?

Ever wondered what your favorite shoes reveal about your spiritual vibe? 👠✨ Turns out, the type of shoes you wear can say a lot about your psychic energy and even your future! Heels? You’re channeling some serious boss energy, ready to take on the world. Flats? You’re all about staying grounded and keeping it real. Sneakers? You’re adaptable, always ready for life’s next adventure. Boots? You’ve got a strong, protective energy, ready to face any challenge.

Got questions or need some insight into your life? I'm here to help with personal psychic readings! For just $7, you can get answers to up to 7 questions! More info at:

Here’s a detailed look at what different types of women’s shoes might reveal about your psychic and spiritual energy:

Stilettos – 👠 Stilettos often reflect a strong ambition and drive for success. They suggest that you’re ready to face challenges head-on and climb the ladder of success with confidence and poise. 🌟

Ballet Flats – 👡 Ballet flats indicate grace, balance, and a down-to-earth nature. They symbolize a grounded and serene personality, someone who finds comfort in simplicity and elegance. 🌸

Ankle Boots – 👢 Ankle boots show a blend of practicality and fierceness. They often signify that you are both practical in your approach and ready to face challenges with a bold attitude. 🔥

Sneakers – 👟 Sneakers suggest versatility and adaptability. They indicate that you are always ready for new adventures and are adaptable to various situations, showing a dynamic and energetic personality. ⚡

Wedges – 👠 Wedges symbolize a steady ascent toward your goals. They reflect confidence and a strong belief in your abilities, helping you maintain balance while pursuing your dreams. 🏆

Kitten Heels – 👠 Kitten heels are associated with subtlety and elegance. They reveal a gentle and sophisticated approach to life, embracing beauty and grace without overwhelming others. 💫

Gladiator Sandals – 🩴 Gladiator sandals represent a warrior spirit. They indicate that you are prepared to fight for what you believe in and have a strong, determined character. 🏹

Loafers – 👞 Loafers reflect comfort in tradition and staying true to your roots. They signify a reliable and grounded individual who values stability and practicality. 🛤️

Thigh-High Boots – 👢 Thigh-high boots convey empowerment and a daring attitude. They show that you have a bold, confident personality and are not afraid to make a statement. 💪

Moccasins – 🥿 Moccasins suggest a deep connection to nature and inner peace. They reflect a person who values comfort and harmony and is grounded in their spiritual beliefs. 🌿

Platform Shoes – 👠 Platform shoes indicate boldness and confidence. They show that you stand tall in your beliefs and are not afraid to showcase your unique personality. 🌈

Mary Janes – 👠 Mary Janes are associated with nostalgia and simplicity. They reveal a love for classic style and a playful, yet straightforward, approach to life. 🌻

Espadrilles – 🩴 Espadrilles represent an easygoing and carefree attitude. They suggest that you embrace life’s pleasures and are in tune with the joy of living. 🌞

Mules – 👠 Mules signify open-mindedness and a willingness to explore new experiences. They reflect a person who is ready to take on new adventures with a positive outlook. 🌟

Chelsea Boots – 👢 Chelsea boots are linked to reliability and readiness. They show that you are dependable and prepared for any situation that comes your way. 🚀

Flip-Flops – 🩴 Flip-flops symbolize a relaxed and easygoing nature. They indicate that you go with the flow and are content with the simple pleasures in life. 🌊

Cowboy Boots – 👢 Cowboy boots represent independence and a love for adventure. They show that you have a strong, free-spirited personality with a taste for exploration. 🌵

Pumps – 👠 Pumps are associated with confidence and power. They signify that you are ready to take charge and assert your presence in both personal and professional settings. 🚀

Peep-Toe Heels – 👠 Peep-toe heels reflect curiosity and openness. They show that you are open to new experiences and have a playful, yet sophisticated, side. 🎉

Slides – 🩴 Slides suggest a laid-back and content approach to life. They indicate that you find joy in the simple things and have a relaxed attitude toward challenges. 🍃

Combat Boots – 👢 Combat boots symbolize resilience and strength. They reflect a person who is prepared to face any battle and stands firm in their beliefs. 💥

Oxford Shoes – 👞 Oxford shoes represent intellectuality and attention to detail. They indicate that you have a love for learning and are meticulous in your approach to life. 📚

T-Strap Heels – 👠 T-strap heels blend tradition with modernity. They show that you appreciate classic styles while also incorporating contemporary elements into your life. 🌟

Clogs – 🥿 Clogs reflect practicality and comfort. They suggest that you value a grounded, straightforward approach to life and find joy in simplicity. 🛋️

Sock Boots – 👢 Sock boots indicate a trendsetter with a unique style. They show that you are confident in your individuality and willing to stand out from the crowd. 💃

Slingbacks – 👠 Slingbacks signify precision and elegance. They reflect a person who pays attention to details and carries themselves with grace and sophistication. 💫

Rain Boots – 🩴 Rain boots represent preparedness and adaptability. They show that you are ready for any situation and handle life’s unpredictable moments with ease. ☔

Jellies – 🩴 Jellies suggest playfulness and nostalgia. They indicate a fun-loving spirit who enjoys the whimsical and carefree aspects of life. 🧩

Kitten Slingbacks – 👠 Kitten slingbacks combine sophistication with a practical approach. They show that you balance elegance with comfort and practicality. 🌹

Pointed-Toe Flats – 👡 Pointed-toe flats represent precision and directness. They indicate a sharp mind and a straightforward approach to life. 🗝️

Velvet Heels – 👠 Velvet heels symbolize luxury and sensuality. They show that you appreciate the finer things in life and have a refined, elegant nature. ✨

Boat Shoes – 👞 Boat shoes reflect practicality and a love for adventure. They suggest that you enjoy exploring and have a grounded, yet adventurous spirit. 🚤

Monk Strap Shoes – 👞 Monk strap shoes signify discipline and tradition. They show that you value structure and have a strong moral compass. ⚖️

Quilted Boots – 👢 Quilted boots represent comfort and security. They indicate a protective nature and a love for warmth and coziness. 🔥

Corset Heels – 👠 Corset heels combine strength with femininity. They reflect a focus on detail and a balance of power and grace. 💪

Espadrille Flats – 🩴 Espadrille flats suggest a laid-back vibe with a connection to nature. They indicate a love for simplicity and natural beauty. 🌻

Teddy Boots – 👢 Teddy boots symbolize warmth and comfort. They reflect a nurturing personality that values coziness and security. 🧸

Loafers with Tassels – 👞 Loafers with tassels indicate a playful yet sophisticated nature. They suggest a balance between fun and tradition. 🎩

Platform Sandals – 🩴 Platform sandals show confidence and a love for making a statement. They indicate a person who stands tall in their beliefs and style. 🌟

Over-the-Knee Boots – 👢 Over-the-knee boots represent boldness and a daring spirit. They show that you are unafraid to push boundaries and stand out. 🚀

Slip-On Sneakers – 👟 Slip-on sneakers reflect ease and comfort. They suggest a relaxed and casual approach to life, valuing convenience and simplicity. ☀️

High-Top Sneakers – 👟 High-top sneakers indicate a dynamic and energetic personality. They suggest that you are always on the go and ready for new challenges. ⚡

Espadrille Wedges – 🩴 Espadrille wedges combine comfort with a touch of elegance. They reflect a love for relaxed, yet stylish, living. 🌿

Brocade Flats – 👡 Brocade flats symbolize a taste for luxury and tradition. They suggest an appreciation for classic styles with a sophisticated twist. 💎

Lace-Up Sandals – 🩴 Lace-up sandals represent a free-spirited nature. They indicate a love for exploration and a connection to personal freedom. 🌈

Moccasin Slippers – 🥿 Moccasin slippers reflect a cozy, homey personality. They suggest a preference for comfort and a nurturing, relaxed environment. 🛋️

Pumps with Ankle Strap – 👠 Pumps with ankle straps show confidence with an attention to detail. They indicate a refined, yet bold approach to style. 💫

Glitter Boots – 👢 Glitter boots represent a love for glamour and sparkle. They show that you have a fun, outgoing personality with a flair for drama. ✨

Chelsea Ankle Boots – 👢 Chelsea ankle boots symbolize versatility and style. They suggest a person who is fashionable yet practical in their approach. 🌟

Platform Sneakers – 👟 Platform sneakers indicate a modern and trendsetting personality. They suggest that you are confident in your unique style and always ready to make a statement. 🚀

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mendessi · 2 years ago

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ii. the sun

The sun portends good fortune, happiness, joy and harmony. It represents the universe coming together and agreeing with your path and aiding forward movement into something greater.

paring: joel miller x fem!reader

summary: you meet joel for the first time while working as a trauma nurse in the emergency room at a hospital in austin, texas. joel can't handle a few stitches so he distracts himself by flirting with you.

warnings: pre-outbreak, mentions of injury, blood, stitches, flirty/nervous!joel, mention of a car accident, me pretending i know what being a nurse is like, no use of y/n

masterlist

minors DNI

Your day had been ridiculously rough but thankfully it was coming to an end within the next two hours. It was Saturday which meant it was one of your longer shifts at the hospital and it felt like it had no end in sight.

There had been a game at the university which brought a ton of mid day drinking to underage college students who couldn't handle their alcohol. This also typically meant a ton of fights between the rivaling teams, drunk driving accidents, and typical college bullshit that never seemed to end during the football season. If there was one thing you had learned about Texans since moving there was that they take their football seriously. Especially for a school like UT.

"Talk about a rough day." You say to your co-worker when you both finally have a second to breathe at the nurse's station. You flip open a chart to ensure everything is set for a patient's release and then shut it.

"At least Bradley over there didn't throw up on your brand new sneakers." Belle said to you with a sigh.

"College boys, what can you do?" You say with a laugh.

"So cute and yet so so stupid." She looked down at her pager and then groaned. "Great. I gotta run."

You grabbed your stack of release papers off the printer, stapled them and then headed over to one of your patients for them to sign. Considering it had been an early game, the chaos was settling down in the ER and the shift was getting easier which was a good sign you'd actually be leaving on time.

"Alright then Mr. Olson, you're all set." You gave your best smile and then turned on your heel after receiving the necessary paperwork.

"Hey, can you grab bed three? Brad needs his IV changed." Belle said as she quickly passed you by.

"Brad? We're calling him Brad now?" You huffed throwing your arms up. "Belle, I'm supposed to be leaving now."

"Sorry, love you!" She didn't even turn to look at you as she hustled off towards bed six where Brad was still recovering from his alcohol poisoning.

You roll your eyes and pick up the chart for bed three, reading over it as you walk towards the patient. Injury to hand. Probably from a bar fight. You pull the curtain back with a smile, slighlty surprised that the man sitting on the edge of the bed was not a college student but a grown man. Half a relief.

"Mr. Miller?" You say, pulling up your chair to sit in front of him saying your spiel, "How are you doing? I'm a RN at Austin General and I'm just gonna see what's going on and hopefully we'll get you out of here in about an hour, yeah?"

"Joel, please." He says. You can't help but take note of how handsome he is compared to the other drunk men that have come into ER today. Either he sobered up due to the gaping cut in his hand or he had time to sober up on his drive over here. "You're not from round here are you?"

"Seattle. That obvious, huh?" You say with a laugh. "I'm just gonna take a look." You take his hand, pausing for a moment when he sucks a breath of air through his teeth.

You unravel the sketchy and poorly wrapped t-shirt around Joel's hand, hiding any reaction you have to gash in the palm of his hand that is still bleeding.

"Get into a fight?" You ask, trying to make light conversation after seeing his pained reaction to the injury.

"Yeah, you should see the other guy." He laughs lightly.

"What really happened?" You ask, grabbing the antiseptic to clean the wound. This man was far from drunk.

You could see by the dirt on his hands that this was not a bar fight and indeed probably just a work related accident. What, you couldn't guess, but the man in front of you didn't give off the energy he was coming down from being wasted.

"Tried catching a pane of glass that was falling over. Sliced right through my hand." He said, watching your hands as they worked. "Not gonna need stitches or nothin, will it?"

"I wish I could give you the answer you want." You tell him with empathy coming to the conclusion that it was deep enough to not heal on its own and would need stitches.

"Shit," He sighs.

"It'll take about ten minutes tops. Not too bad." You finish preparing the wound and grab a fresh pair of gloves and your suture kit.

"You gonna do em?" He asked.

"Yes sir." You look up at him again from your chair and his eyes meet yours. They're soft and brown, and you almost imagine what they'd look like in the sun. Probably like honey, you think.

"You ever had em before?" He asks and you gesture to the small scar on your temple.

"My cousin pushed me out of our tree house when I was five. Cracked my head open pretty bad. Seven stitches." You say. "If five year old me can handle it, thirty-four year old you can handle it."

"How old are you now?" He asks.

"Twenty-four." You reply, pushing his fingers open so that his hand is laying flat on the table in front of you.

"Pretty young to be a nurse, I'd say. Pretty though." He says and almost immediately after he face palms with his free hand. "Sorry, I'm a little nervous."

You almost smile and then remember the amount of times you had been hit on today was astronomical between all of the college kids coming in and out of the ER. How hard could it possibly be for any men to keep their testosterone levels steady and not flirt with women simply trying to do their jobs. You do feel a little bit of empathy for him as needles do seem to make him nervous but you've had a hard, never ending day so nothing amuses you.

You look up at him with a blank stare, "Try to move as little as possible."

"Tell me somethin true." He says as you begin your first suture. He keeps his eyes on you but you're focused on stitching his hand back together.

"Such as?"

"About you." He releases a shaky breath and you notice his finger tips start shaking slightly. The caring person you are feels sorry for him. He does seem like a nice guy who is just dealing with the fact that he has a four inch slice in his hand.

"I think I'm quite an open book." You say, your eyebrows furrowing as you work carefully on his hand.

"I'd say the opposite." His voice is low and it's hard to tell if he's struggling to hold his composure or if he's still trying to flirt.

"I entered this field because when I was twelve I was in a pretty brutal car accident. I was in the hospital for weeks but the nurses that cared for me quickly became my reason for living. I was miserable, it was quite literally the worst time of my life, but I was excited to wake up everyday because I knew they'd be there to greet me. They were just doing their jobs, but it was so much more for me. I wanted to do that for other people." You talk quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. As you go on, you notice his fingers stop shaking and the muscles in his arm that were tense relax.

"I think you're doin a stand up job." You look up at him, a small smile on your lips. "You're makin this this thing a whole lot easier."

That was definitely flirting. Though, looking at him now, you don't seem to mind it much anymore.

"You flirt with women every time you go into their workplace?" You ask. You're half joking. What's the worst that can happen, you'll flirt, he'll be discharged and then you'll never see him again.

"Only the pretty ones." You look into his eyes, yours narrowed as you judge his words. He's not smiling anymore.

"You think I'm pretty." It comes out more as a statement than a question. You almost flip your hair but then remember you're supposed to be suturing his hand.

"I think you're the most stunning woman to ever walk the streets of Austin." He's 100% serious and you can tell he means what he's saying.

You're cheeks are red at this point and there's no hiding it. "You're not half bad compared to the boys that have been in and out of this ER today."

"That's cus I'm a man." He straightens his posture and you can't help but laugh at the bad line. "That was a bad one, m' sorry."

"Good to know." You glance at him and cut the suture. You wrap a bandage around his hand and then scribble stuff down on his papers. "Seven stitches."

"What time are you out of here?" He asks as he examines your work on his hand.

"As soon as you're gone." You say standing up. "I'm gonna grab your discharge papers and I'll be right back."

"Let me take you to dinner." He states more than asks.

"I don't go out with patients." You say before walking away to the nurses station located in the center of the floor.

As you print his papers and sign and date them you can feel his eyes on you but you avoid looking up. He was probably the only sober man you spoke with today and while yes he was extremely handsome, he was at least ten years older than you. You never really cared about that before so the only thing stopping you was your suddenly made up rule about not dating patients. You had never once been officially been asked out by a patient only tragically flirted with by every college kid that walked into building. The rule was bullshit and you knew it. What could one date hurt? He was charming and you didn't want to admit it.

"Okay, Mr. Miller you're all set. Just sign these for me and you're good to go." You slide him the discharge papers and wait patiently for him to sign them. He hands them back to you, a smug smile on his face.

"Thanks for everything." He says and you nod.

"Stay safe." You tell him and then turn on your heel back to the nurses station where you quickly file his paperwork and clock out. You grab your things and wave bye to your co workers as you head for the door.

"Hey," You look up from your pager and find Joel Miller waiting for you.

"Mr. Miller." You greet him, shoving your pager into your pocket. "Stalking me?"

"Joel. It's dark outside, figured I could walk you to your car." He says matching your pace which is always at a default fast pace, though it must be easier considering his legs are longer than yours.

"Sure you're not gonna kidnap me once we get there?" You ask with a huff.

"With my crippled hand against you? No chance, you'd take me out easily." He smiles.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" You look both ways before crossing the street into the parking lot, he still keeps up with you standing at your side.

"As a matter of fact I would." He says and you finally look at him as you reach your car. You cross your arms over your chest and stare at him for a moment before speaking.

"Fine." You pull your phone from your pocket and hand it to him to put his number in.

"Really?" He tries to hide his excitement but he fails as the smile spreads from cheek to cheek as he punches the numbers in on your phone.

"I'll call you tomorrow." You say when he hands your phone back.

"I'll be waitin." He pulls your door open and you get in as he smiles at you until he closes the door. "Stay safe."

You never would've have given him your phone if it were anyone else but there was something about Joel Miller that you knew you could trust. You knew he'd never try to physically harm you and you knew that he wasn't being weird with his action. The nerves of getting stitches brought out a flirty side of him that was amusing to watch.

He could pretend that the only reason he asked you out was because you were "the most stunning woman to ever walk the streets of Austin" but it realistically was the fact that you were caring (whether it was just your job or not), you were kind (even when he was relentlessly flirting with you) and it was easy to tell you didn't put up with anyone's bullshit.

The truth is, Joel Miller never would've flirted with you if you were anyone else. He hadn't even thought of another woman since Sarah entered the world. He had never gotten stitches before so the nerves were eating at him but you opened up to him and alleviated his nerves. You had a bright aura, one that resembled the sun on a winter day, the moment when it emerges from the clouds and everything is suddenly warmer. You made him feel eased despite the throbbing pain of the cut in his hand or the process of getting stitched up.

That night was simple to the start of your relationship. Despite the clouds that surrounded you that night, Joel brought out the sun.

tag list: @aphrcdites @rey26

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#joel miller #tlou #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal #joel miller fic #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfic

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butchcarmy · 11 months ago

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ALEXITHYMIA CH 2: alcohol, garlic, and lipstick

Roommate AU: Carmy Berzatto x Reader (R18)

ao3 link ch 1 ch 3 ch 4

Summary: Carmy can’t put into words how he feels about his roommate. It’s only been a couple months, but here he is looking forward to going home and sharing a smoke with them. That’s all it is, though. There are no underlying feelings, none at all, even if everyone around him has something to say about it.

Or: Carmy is repressed as ever, but through the combined power of vulnerability, weed, and the horny, Carmy too can find love.

tags for this ch: alcohol use, throwing up, semi-permanent lipstick, accidentally embarrassing carmy in front of all his coworkers

Chapter 2: alcohol, garlic, and lipstick (8k)

He doesn’t get to see them for a couple days after that night on the couch.

This is more the rhythm he’s used to—early mornings and late nights, out of the house so long he never sees them. The next several days blur together into what feels like one very, very long day. When he sleeps, he doesn’t dream. It often feels as if he didn’t sleep at all.

Their past exchange haunts him. He catches himself slipping, lost in thoughts as he watches the pot simmer. They’ve never had any sort of conversation like that before. Sure, they didn’t really talk about anything, but…

But in that same vein, Carmy can’t stop thinking about it. He wonders if they’re thinking about it, too. The thought feels like a tangled ball of yarn in the pit of his stomach, writhing and messy. He shouldn’t be thinking about it—they’re just roommates, after all.

He’s restlessly worried about that moment on the couch, and yet, he can’t even muster up the words as to why.

Because if you finally say it, it’ll all be real, he thinks vaguely, somewhat hysterically to himself, and that’s where it always ends.

Wednesday evening, he comes in from home exhausted as ever. Nothing new. He feels the strain in his wrist when he shoves his shitty front door open—obviously overdid it in the kitchen. After shoving his sneakers off, he flicks the lights on in the kitchen, and he spots a bright pink sticky note on the counter.

Now that’s new.

He walks up to it, squinting at the pink that’s almost neon under the fluorescents. It’s a note from his roommate.

hey carmy, it reads, scribbled on in pen. im going out with friends tonight, so I won’t be back until later + leftovers in the fridge if you want any :)

Carmy makes a small noise of acknowledgement to himself. Picks up the note, puts it back down.

Running a hand through sweaty hair, he opens the fridge. It’s full of ingredients, perhaps far too many for a guy who barely cooks for himself. Ironically enough, it’s the one who doesn’t cook for a living who keeps the fridge stocked. There's a lot of miscellaneous sauces, near empty coffee creamers, and mysterious tupperwares.

He spots a new tupperware that has another pink sticky note on it, so he grabs that one out of the fridge.

He pops it open. There’s condensation on the inside of the lid, and it drips onto the floor. Inside sits pasta, potatoes, chicken, onions, and peppers, all cooked into a cheap, yet harmonious meal. It’s a familiar instant pot recipe.

It tastes familiar, too. The ingredients together taste like home. He’s not sure if it even tastes like his home, although surely his mom cooked something like this. As he stews over the flavors in his mouth, Italian seasoning, garlic, and black pepper, he wonders if maybe this apartment is starting to feel like home.

The thought is so ridiculous he shakes his head to himself, but…

It feels warm coming home to someone. He can’t deny that he likes that feeling. Maybe he’s settling into this place more than he thought. Maybe he’s…getting more used to having a roommate than he expected.

Maybe I’ll see them tomorrow, he thinks as he stares at his dark bedroom ceiling. He’s so sleepy he can’t even help himself from thinking about them. The lethargy always goes full blast as soon as his back hits the mattress.

Graciously, he doesn’t dream when he sleeps. Unfortunately, he wakes back up again in only a matter of hours.

When he reluctantly wakes up and squints at his phone, he sighs. 1:14 am. Slapping his phone back down on his side table, he stubbornly shuts his eyes in an attempt to go back to bed. It would’ve been too nice if his body let him sleep throughout the night.

Then, there’s the sound of the door opening.

He listens to the familiar sound of their footsteps against their old hardwood floor. It’s admittedly a little strange—it’s usually the other way around, with Carmy coming back home so late they’re already asleep. Except for this time.

They’re in the kitchen, he deduces, carefully listening. It’s easy to hear everything, especially in the quiet of night. As he closes his eyes again, listening, he imagines them.

The sound of the fridge opening. No, the freezer—it always squeaks when it opens. It shuts. Yes, now that’s the fridge door. He imagines them looking into the fridge just like he was a couple of hours ago, tilting their head thoughtfully to the side. He’s not sure if they know that they do that.

By all means, it should be disruptive, the way they’re opening and shutting cabinets in the kitchen. And yet, as he lays there, snuggled drowsily into his sheets, it starts to sound like a lullaby. He listens to them, thinking of them cooking, and he begins to drift to sleep.

“Fuck—fuck! Shit shit shit—”

There’s a sharp yelp, and Carmy’s jumping out of bed.

If he’s being honest, he probably wasn’t actually going to fall back asleep so easily anyway. He rarely ever does.

He stumbles into the brightly lit kitchen, dressed in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt. The lights are so bright that he’s squinting, struggling to adjust.

“Sorry if I woke you up, there was a roach,” they explain meekly before he can think of what to say. They’re standing there, bottle of roach killer in their hand.

Carmy looks down. As expected, there’s a big dead roach, sitting in a pale pool of roach killer.

“I…see.” He yawns, a big one that makes the corners of his eyes tear up. “You didn’t wake me up, I was already awake. You just got back?”

“Mhm,” they reply, reaching for some paper towels, and that’s when Carmy really notices their outfit. Black, flashy, clearly meant for a night out at a bar. Dark colors always looked good on them. Their makeup matches, dark and smudged around their eyes. Seeing them dressed up like this makes it nearly impossible to deny how much he likes looking at them.

He in particular likes the plunging neckline on their thin shirt, dipping right down their chest.

Stop stop stop, he thinks suddenly, tearing his eyes away. He’s lucky they’re not looking at him, instead preoccupied with throwing away the roach corpse on the floor. He looks around almost a little frantically to find something, anything else to talk about.

“What’s this?” Carmy asks, peering into the pan on the stovetop.

“I, like, really want garlic bread right now.” They lean onto the counter, looking at the pan with him. “So I was making garlic bread. But then that fucking roach came and killed my vibe.”

This is when Carmy notices that they’re rather drunk.

“Huh,” he says. “Isn’t this, uh, just a piece of bread?”

“Oh.” They pause, lifting the bread gingerly with one finger. “Um, this is so totally a piece of bread. No butter. No nothing.” They start laughing then, leaning harder onto the counter and covering their face. “Fuck, that is so dumb.”

“You were getting there,” he comments, unable to resist an amused smile.

“I couldn’t find the garlic powder,” they admit, face turning into a frown. “Or, like, anything else. But I need garlic bread, Carmy. I need this.”

“We have garlic cloves,” he points out.

“You cannot expect me to mince a fuckin’ garlic right now,” they retort, motioning at him with their arms so aggressively they stumble towards him. Instinctively, he puts his hands on their shoulders, and tries not to think too hard about it.

They’re warm, and they smell like perfume, weed, and alcohol.

“I think you should sit.” Carmy suggests, an eyebrow raised. He doesn’t think he’s seen them this drunk before.

“Hm. Yeah. Imma do that.” They trudge over to one of their bar stools at the kitchen island, slumping onto it. Their shirt droops, revealing more skin, and Carmy pointedly looks away. There’s the sound of their forehead smacking against the counter, and then a groan.

“Uh, you ok?”

“I’m drunk and I want garlic bread,” they whine, flopping their arms across the counter. “But I can’t find the garlic—the garlic powder, and…I’m too stupid to make it right now,” they end in a miserable mumble.

“I could make you some,” Carmy hears himself saying.

“...Really?” They tilt their head up to look at him, eyes big and full of wonder. “You would do that for me?”

“It’s just garlic bread,” he tries, instantly stricken with embarrassment. He hopes he’s hiding it well enough.

“But you’re making it!” They make a contented noise. “Imagine getting the best chef in the world to make you garlic bread.”

“I can do a lot better than garlic bread. Just so you know,” he says, entirely in an attempt to hide the way their praise makes him feel giddy.

“I know.” His attempt backfires—their response is so genuine it makes him feel worse. “You could definitely do a million times better than garlic bread.”

“Maybe not quite a million, but somewhere around there,” he says, and then he starts working.

He starts with a clove of garlic, mincing it quickly on their small wooden cutting board. He stands at the kitchen island with them, eyes flickering between the garlic and their watchful gaze. They’re still strewn across the counter, cheek pressed against the surface.

“You literally mince garlic so good,” they mumble, eyes glued to his knife. “I wanna do it like you.”

“I could teach you.” The garlic is chopped thin, and then scraped against the edge of his knife. “Just takes a lot of practice, really.”

“Teacher Carmy,” they say, almost like a song. They’ve got this big, dopey smile on their face that makes Carmy’s heart hurt. “Mr. Berzattooo,” they add, their smile growing more mischievous.

“I don’t think I like the sound of that,” he admits, words tinged with amusement, and they laugh. “I think we should just stick to chef.”

“Yes, chef!” They salute unnecessarily, and he chuckles.

He takes out the butter—their nice butter, not the spread stuff. Heats it over their pan, scrapes the minced garlic into the hot butter, creating a delicious sizzle.

“You, uh, go out to a bar?” He asks, because he’s curious. It’s easier talking to them with his back turned to them, forced to face the pan.

“Yeah, just went with a couple of friends. I wasn’t scheduled for tomorrow, so I thought a little fun would be nice. But I must say, bars are not exciting on Wednesday nights.”

“Seems like you got to have a good time anyway.”

“Mhm, yeah. They had cheap drinks. I got so many.” They laugh. “They honestly didn’t taste that good.”

“And you kept getting them?”

“It’s just ‘cause they were strong. Sometimes you just wanna get fucked up, y’know? Oh my god, it smells so fuckin’ good right now. What the hell are you doing?”

“It’s just butter and garlic,” he answers honestly.

“This is the best thing ever. You are literally so nice.” The sincerity in their words is so palpable that Carmy feels his stomach twist. “Anyone would be so lucky to be with you.”

Fuck, Carmy thinks distantly. He adamantly refuses to acknowledge how this comment makes him feel.

“I dunno about that,” he replies, a safe neutral even though he can’t help the embarrassment.

“Really?” They blow a raspberry at him. “Well, I like having you as my roommate. That’s something, right?”

Carmy’s glad he’s not facing them. He’s not sure what his expression looks like right now.

“Well. Lucky for me, I guess.” He pauses, listening to the sizzle of the garlic. for a moment. “You’re a good roommate, too. I…didn’t know if I would like having one at all.”

“Oh yeah? You never had one before?”

“Not since culinary school, and they weren’t good.” He sighs at the memory. “But this…I like this.”

“I like it too,” they agree, almost a bit dreamily. “It’s nice not having to be by yourself all the time.”

“Yeah,” he murmurs. “It is.”

He turns around then, garlic bread plated and in his hand, and they gasp, hands over their mouth.

“Carmy,” they whisper. “Oh my god. Oh my god.”

“You’re definitely drunk,” he says, smiling in endearment.

“Um, yeah. And you just made me garlic bread. To a drunk person, garlic bread is the next coming of Christ.” They slide the plate towards them, staring at it with big eyes. “And you put cheese on it!”

“Should I not have?”

“Of course you should have!” They exclaim. “You could’ve put some shit on this I’ve never heard of and I would still eat it. You’re a wizard in the kitchen.”

“Well.” He laughs. Shakes his head. “I’m flattered?”

“You should be,” they whisper. They take a huge bite of it, resounding with a satisfying crunch. “Fuck.” They shake their head from side to side as they eat. “This is so fuckin’ yummy.”

“Good, good.” He nods, pleased. He props his elbows up on the counter, gauging their reaction.

“You are so talented,” they gush, continuing to eat urgently. “And so nice.”

Carmy knows he can’t hide the way his ears go pink.

“Well.” He gives them a shrug he knows looks as half-hearted as it feels. “I do nice things for nice people,” he says finally, mostly because he can't just take the damned compliment.

“I'm nice people?” They repeat, so genuinely earnest that Carmy almost laughs. “That's a relief. I’m, like, so glad you think that, because I can be an annoying piece of shit sometimes.”

“Annoying?” The self deprecation surprises him. They don’t usually talk like this. “I don’t—I don’t think you’re annoying. Have I ever, uh, seemed like I—?”

“Nonono, it has nothing to do with you,” they interrupt with a hiccup, waving their hands. “I just, like, have issues.” They laugh, although Carmy’s positive there’s nothing funny about this. “And I really like you as a, as a roommate,” they stutter clumsily. “So I don’t wanna fuck it up.”

“I, I don’t think you would fuck it up.” There’s something a little unsettling about all this, something that’s putting Carmy on edge.

“I always find a way! I just do, because, I’m—I’m not good at being a person,” they blurt out, and then there’s tears spilling all over their cheeks, streaked with black mascara.

Shit, Carmy thinks.

“Hey,” Carmy says softly, gentle and careful. He looks up at them, concerned eyes searching their watery ones. He wishes he had the words, but they're talking again.

“I just can’t do anything right,” they sob, bottom lip wobbling. He’s also not sure if he’s ever seen them crying so hard. Their face is scrunched in pain, skin drenched in tears. “I, I, I can't even fucking make garlic bread!”

“You're drunk,” he reminds them, carefully. “Very drunk.”

“I'm drunk, too,” they wail, and Carmy wonders if he said the wrong thing. “I'm a drunk fuck-up! I, I'm too damaged…”

“Damaged?” He echoes. Their own brutality towards themself takes his words away, and all he can do is repeat their cruelty in disbelief.

“My whole life, I've just,” they whisper, and something about it nestles into his chest and stays there. The feeling of it is familiar. “My—my whole life, I—oh, god—”

They stop with a sharp inhale, slapping their hand on their mouth. It’s a movement that Carmy would recognize just about anywhere.

“Shit,” he curses, and he rushes them to the bathroom.

They’re still crying as they throw up into the toilet, apologizing profusely. Carmy tries not to look, just focusing on holding up their hair.

“I’m sorry,” they apologize again before shoving their face back into the toilet.

“It’s okay. It happens.” He absentmindedly notices that he’s never touched their hair before. It’s soft—must be well taken care of. “You’re doing great right now, okay?”

“Thank you,” they sob, tilting their head to the side to rest their cheek on the toilet seat. He lets their hair fall behind them, instead just keeping one hand on their back. “I’m really s-sorry,” they say again, eyes watery and red.

“It’s okay,” he repeats, because it's all he can say. They seem grateful enough.

I haven’t thrown up like this since college,” they tell him miserably. “I don’t like it.”

“Nobody likes throwing up,” he reasons, and they make a weak noise of agreement.

“Last time, I threw up in my roommate’s bathroom—” they pause, as if fighting a wave of nausea, but it seems to pass. “And I barely missed the toilet,” they whisper, like it’s some sort of dark secret.

“Damn.” Carmy’s not sure if he should be smiling, but he is, just a little bit. “Sounds like you were shitfaced.”

“So shitfaced,” they echo. At least they’re smiling back at him. That’s a good sign. “It was such a mess. I felt so bad.”

“Were they mad?”

“No, they weren’t. They even cleaned it up for me.” They groan. “I felt soooo bad, Carmy. So bad. I was worried they would forever hate me for that.”

“Well, if they weren’t mad at you, I’m sure they wouldn’t hate you for it.”

“I just really didn’t want them to hate me,” they say, and they’re looking so intently into Carmy eyes that it feels like he’s bearing his soul to them. “Are you gonna hate me?”

“I'm not gonna hate you because you're throwing up.” Their hair’s falling into their face, and he moves to tuck it behind their ear before he can think about it. Their cheeks are hot to the touch. “Would I be doing this for someone I hate?”

“Good point,” they mumble. Carmy’s hand lingers behind their ear before moving back to the middle of their back, rubbing little circles. The touch is guiltily electric on his end. “Sometimes I just…think people are waiting for a chance to hate me.”

“I think it’s a bit too late for me to find an excuse to dislike you,” Carmy says. “But…I get it.”

“...You do?”

“Yeah,” he says, even though he’s not sure what else to say. They’re still looking at him, clearly waiting for him to elaborate. “I’m not used to anyone caring much about me.”

“I care about you,” they whisper. “I care about you a lot.”

Silence settles between them as any words Carmy had disappear on the tip of his tongue. They just keep looking at him, their eyes gentle and searching, and he can’t tear his gaze away. He can’t tear his hand off their back, either.

“You shouldn't,” he whispers, strangely honest. “I'm not worth it.”

“Too bad.” He can't look away from their gaze, their eyes that are infinitely knowledgeable. “If I can't care about you, you have to stop being nice to me.”

Carmy opens his mouth to protest, but he can't. They seem to know it, too, with the way a knowing smile creeps up their face.

“I don't wanna do that,” he replies finally.

“Thought so.” Their face glows brilliantly with a smile, and it should be infuriating, but it's not. “So deal with it. Me caring about you.”

He laughs at that, because it's so stupid.

“Stupid,” he laughs, and they laugh back, their giggles echoing into the ring of the toilet. “Y'know, I fucked up today at work.”

“Oh yeah? What happened?”

“I was cutting onions. I've done it a million times, but for some reason, I fucked it all up. Onions got all over the floor, and I had to redo it all. Well, my sous had to redo ‘em.”

He's not sure why he's mentioning this to them, or why he's even mentioning it for a second time, but he is.

“I haven't fucked up like that in forever,” he continues, reliving the memory in the back of his brain. The knife hitting the floor, metal against linoleum. “It was stupid. I hadn't done something so fucking, stupid like that in—god knows how long.”

That can't be the point, he thinks to himself. He can't just bring up him messing up onions just to complain about messing up onions. That's not worth anything, to him or to them. They're drunk, anyhow. Why is he bringing up his issues like this, right now?

“You're allowed to mess up on onions,” they say with surprisingly clarity. Their words carry a measured gentleness that doesn't seem possible from a drunk. “It would be crazy if you never messed up, y'know. Like, ever.”

“But it's been years,” he protests. There's a pressure building. “Years since I messed up like that. And someone had to clean up after my shit. They shouldn't have had to do that.”

“Hm…” They make a thoughtful noise. “It's not like you did it on purpose, right?”

“Of course not.”

“That's what friends are for,” they murmur. “And coworkers. Sometimes. It's ok that you messed up.”

“...” A part of Carmy wants to continue protesting, but it feels futile. “I shouldn't have brought it up, you're still drunk anyway,” he says, mostly to himself, but also because he can't stand to acknowledge it anymore.

“I don't care,” they whisper. “I like it when people talk to me about things.” Carmy feels something twist in his stomach, palpable and physical.

“I’m probably being annoying,” he mutters, and as soon as the words come out of his mouth, he wants to bash his head in for saying something so childish.

“No. You’re not.” They respond before he has a chance to take it back. “I want to know you, Carmy.”

“You already know me.”

“Not as much as I would like,” they mutter, eyes fluttering shut, and Carmy has no choice but to swallow the heavy truth.

“You shouldn't fall asleep here. If you're feeling better, we need to get you into your bed.” He knows it's unfair, changing the subject like this. But he can't bear to look at it anymore than he already has.

Luckily for him, they relent without any protest. They lean up against him as he helps them to their room. It's a bit difficult to wade through the piles of clothes on the floor, but Carmy's no better.

“I really didn't mean to get this fucked up,” they mumble once they're laid back in bed.

“No one does.”

“Maybe not no one,” they mutter, mostly to themself. No comment. They sigh. “What time is it?”

“Uh…2:35,” he says after a beat, searching eyes landing on their bedside analog clock.

“Motherfucker. I'm sorry. Don't you have work tomorrow?”

“I do. But…it's fine.” It's very much not fine, he has to wake up in a couple hours, and yet. Here he is, at the end of it.

“You're sweet. You really are.”

“I'm…not sweet,” is all he can get out, voice quiet.

“Well, I think you're sweet to me. Taking care of me like this.” They outstretch their arms all of a sudden. “Come here? Please?”

He knows what they're asking. They've never hugged before. He’s only a hugger when it comes to family. He's seen them hug friends before, maybe, but him? Never.

He shouldn't get closer, he really shouldn't. But he ends up doing it anyway, because he tells himself he likes the way they say please.

“Can I hug you?” They ask.

“Um,” he says. He nods.

They smile again, as brilliant as ever, and bring him into a tight hug. They smell like the mint mouthwash they insisted Carmy retrieve for them, along with their perfume.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” they say. He’s never heard their voice in his ear like this before. They wrap their arms around his neck then, and Carmy’s heart feels like it’s in his throat.

“No problem,” he gets out, feeling a bit breathless.

Before he can even form the next thought, they’re pressing a sleepy kiss on their cheek before flipping back down on their bed.

Carmy feels like throwing up, but…not in a bad way.

“Good night,” they mumble, so sweet. “And thank you.”

Something in his brain shuts off after that. He walks to his room like a zombie, and he falls asleep nearly instantly.

It turns out that going to bed at 2:30 am the night before work is not so fine at all.

“Sorry I’m late, couldn’t sleep,” Carmy says groggily when he comes in, and everyone’s eyes are on him. They’re staring so intently like there’s something on his face. “What?”

“It’s, uh,” Sydney starts, but Richie swiftly cuts her off.

“Must’ve been a long night, eh?” Richie says with such a shit eating grin that makes Carmy pinch his eyebrows.

“Fuck’s your deal?” Carmy bites back, gesturing at him. The length of his fuse matches the amount of sleep he got—slim to none.

“Nothing, cousin,” Richie replies, even though he’s still grinning like a mad man. “You better be telling me about it later though, got it?”

“Whatever,” Carmy mutters. It’s too early in the day to be dealing with this shit. “Just catch me up on what I missed.”

The day starts off rough, but he gets through it because he has to. Throughout the day, though, he can’t help but get the feeling that people keep looking at him when he’s not looking. Maybe it’s just his typical paranoia, but…

“These look good,” Carmy praises. “Really good,” he reiterates, turning the delicate dessert around on its circular plate. Marcus beams, clearly pleased. It’s a small matcha cake with carefully placed layers of ganache and fruit. Carmy takes a bit of it with a fork, rolling the earthy and tangy flavors around on his tongue.

“How is it?” Marcus asks, eyes firm on him.

“A little crumbly,” Carmy answers honestly. “Did you take my advice from last time?”

“I did,” he replies, frustration evident in his voice. “Think it’s the oven?”

“Maybe. Probably.” Carmy takes another bite. “Try a lower temp. Other than that, though, it’s excellent.”

“Thank you, chef,” Marcus says. “Means a lot.”

“Wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.�� He claps Marcus on the back, short and quick. “You’ve been working hard. That’s all.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I have.” He pauses then, staring at Carmy. Just like how everyone has been all damn day. “Uh, Chef?”

“What?” He feels the impatience bubbling up in him, frustrated and confused. “People have been staring at my goddamn face all day like I got some shit on it.”

“You do,” Marcus says. “It’s not shit, though. Looks like…lipstick,” he says after a beat.

“Lipstick?” A rock drops in his stomach. Carmy raises his hand to his face, searching.

“On your left,” he clarifies. “By your ear.”

He rubs aggressively there, but he pulls his fingers back without any color on it.

“Did I get it?”

“Well, I thought you did.” Marcus makes a noise, thoughtful. “Guess it’s one of those permanent ones.”

“Permanent?” Carmy repeats, a little hysterical.

“Semi permanent,” Marcus clarifies. He seems amused.

Carmy rushes into their small, shitty bathroom, getting close to the streaked mirror. He angles his head to find the stain. Sure enough, it’s right here on his cheek. It’s a dark, reddish color, in the smeared but recognizable shape of a kiss mark.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. His head feels hot. It must’ve happened last night, when they kissed him right before falling asleep.

Semi-permanent, he hears Marcus say in the back of his head. Of course it is.

With a wet paper towel, he scrubs at the mark so hard it hurts. Even so, it remains, still clear on his pale, reddened skin. He wishes his hair was long enough to hide it.

“It’s not coming off,” he says, stressed upon returning to Marcus’ station. He hopes he doesn’t sound as hysterical as he feels. Sydney’s there too, chewing on the matcha pastry Carmy had earlier. “Why the fuck isn’t it coming off?”

“You’ll probably need a makeup wipe. I think I have some in my bag if you want one,” Sydney offers. Carmy swears she has a halo around her head. “Just a warning, though, they’re old as fuck. I haven’t worn makeup in a long time.”

“It’s fine. Can I take one?” Carmy runs a stressed hand through his hair. “Can’t believe no one fuckin’ told me. I—I fucking greeted customers like this!”

“It’s cool, Carm. At least it wasn’t a hickey,” Marcus reasons, and Carmy thinks his ears go hot.

“Thank god,” he replies, sarcastic, and they have the nerve to laugh at him. “Shut up,” he tries, but there’s no real heat behind it. Sydney leaves and comes back with a semi-dried up makeup a minute later.

“Don’t get mad if it doesn’t work,” Sydney states, a cautionary disclaimer. “It might be one of those that has a specific remover.”

“Are you serious?” The sigh that comes out is full of disdain. “Fuck me.”

“Day’s already almost done, if it makes it any better,” Marcus notes with a cheeky smile, and Carmy just shakes his head.

The makeup wipe doesn’t work. Carmy tries not to get mad, but maybe he does. Maybe just a little bit.

“It’ll come off with enough washes,” Sydney reassures him. Tina’s standing with her now, too, eyeing him like a spectacle. Everyone seems to be enjoying his misery.

“Just ask your girl to get rid of it for you,” Tina says, an eyebrow raised. She raises a thumb to his cheek, rubs at the mark like a mom. “Damn. Shit’s on there.”

“They’re not—it’s not like that,” he sputters. He’s been trying to get through the day without anyone asking about it, but now that there’s some down time, there’s no stopping anyone.

“A one night stand?” Tina guesses, eyes widening. She laughs and smacks him on the arm. “Didn’t think you had it in you, boy!”

“It’s not that, either,” Carmy stresses. He knows he’s getting overly flustered about it, but he can’t help it. His eyes flicker towards the clock. They’re closing soon. “Just forget it, okay? Please.”

He can tell from their expressions that neither of them want to forget about it, but by some stroke of luck, they’re considering letting it go. Just for now. That’s enough of a victory for now, so he’ll take it.

At least, it would’ve been a victory if Richie didn’t take that very opportunity to step into the kitchen.

“Been trying to find you all day, bastard!” Richie hollers, slinging an arm over Carmy’s hunched shoulder. Carmy sighs, expressive in his annoyance. “Looks like this baby’s finally growing up, huh?”

“I’m 30, asshole,” Carmy says, tiredly, but that never works. Richie’s still talking, anyhow.

“So? Do I know the chick?” Richie’s grin makes Carmy want to punch him.

“No,” he replies, flatly. He’s so tired. “And it’s not what you think. It was just, they’re, uh…”

“Oh shit, cousin!” Richie’s laughing, obnoxiously loud in his ears. “Didn’t think you were capable of—“

“It’s not a one night stand. Already guessed that,” Tina interrupts him.

“What?” He sounds annoyed, like he has the right to be more irritated than Carmy himself. “Then what’s the secret third option? Or are you lying to my face?”

“They’re my roommate,” Carmy explains, finally.

There’s a beat of silence. And then, uproarious noise.

“You have a roommate?” Is Richie’s first question. The second: “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“Is, like, dating a roommate a good idea? No offense,” Sydney says, hands raised in defense. “Just wondering.”

“It’s not,” Tina answers for her, sharp eyes narrowed at him. But strangely enough, she’s smiling nonetheless.

“They’re my roommate, we’re not dating, and I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d be weird about it!” He shouts over the noise, directing the last one at Richie. “Look—they were just drunk, and I was helping them because they were fucking throwing up. Happy now?”

“And they kissed you,” Richie points out. He’s grinning like he knows some big secret.

“Fuck, okay, can we stop fucking talking about this now? It was just an accident, it’ll be gone tomorrow, and we’re never gonna mention this shit again!”

Carmy gets saved by some distant catastrophic noise in the back, somewhere around the freezer. He leaves without a word. Behind him, he hears raucous laughter mostly to Richie’s tune.

Before he leaves for the night, he stops by the bathroom one more to try and get it off. Predictably, it remains stubborn and stalwart through soap, hot water, and scrubbing. The skin under it is red with irritation, and Carmy knows that he's getting nowhere. If anything, he's making it worse.

His eyes linger on the blotted lipstick on his face. It's smudged, but he can see the cracks and the shape of their lips. His gaze follows the lines of it.

The memory burns bright in his head for a split second. It bursts in like a flashbang, intense and unavoidable. There's a phantom sensation of their lips on his cheek, the smell of their perfume, the warmth of their embrace, and it's, it's just—

Carmy shuts the lights off and heads out. He needs this lipstick mark gone by morning.

When he gets home, the apartment is dark. Unoccupied. As he flicks on the lights, he searches for them. They're usually home before him most nights. However, it seems tonight is an anomaly. He walks down the hallway past his room to theirs, and their ajar door reveals an empty bedroom.

“Fuck,” he mutters to himself. Just his luck.

He opens his phone then, a last resort. He has his messages pulled up, but his thumbs hover over the keyboard and stay there.

How the hell does he even word this?

Hey, I need lipstick remover.

No, that isn't enough information. Who knows how many types of remover there could be? What if it isn't the right one? He needs to be more specific.

Hey, I need lipstick remover for the lipstick you were wearing last night.

That sounds even stranger. Too specific, although it's the truth. That's what he needs. But he can't just…type that, can he? No, there's no way.

Is there any way he can get out of saying that there's lipstick on his face from last night and not make it weird? He wishes they were here so he could just show them. Words have never been his forte. There's little hope for him now.

Please come home right now, he briefly considers typing. It's by far the worst one out of all of them.

After pacing for a solid five minutes, he decides to send a hopefully neutral message.

Hey, you out for the night?

It's still pretty weird. Carmy is not a texter. There's not much he needs to talk about that can't wait until he sees them next. They're usually the one texting him, and it's usually only about groceries or bills. However, he tells himself it's fine because there's no note left on the counter. They always leave a note when they go out.

…They always leave a note when they go out.

This thought resets his pacing around the apartment, frantically looking for the square shape and vivid color of a sticky note. That's how they usually do it, and it's typically on the kitchen counter. So, it's honestly a futile effort to be looking around the whole place, but he does so anyway.

He looks at his phone. It's been almost 10 minutes, and still no response.

This isn't unnatural by any means. They always end up responding eventually, but the prickling anxiety is getting pricklier by the second.

They've got to be so hungover. There's no way they're out again tonight, he thinks to himself, and he's positive it has to be true.

They're missing, and you're not ever gonna get this shit off your face, his brain adds helpfully.

That's what finally kicks him into gear and forces him to press the call button.

It rings for a long time. The more it rings, the longer he stands there in the kitchen, the stupider and more anxious he feels. It's a pitiful feeling to be consumed by, but here he is, unable to resist.

However, when they finally pick up, he's not sure if he feels completely relieved. A different part of his anxiety is spiking now.

“Carmy?” Their voice carries a trace of static through the phone speaker.

“Yeah, hey. You see my text?”

“Oh, oops. Sorry, I missed it. Is everything ok?”

“Where are you?” He asks instead.

“I'm just gettin’ a drink from the corner store. Why? You want me to grab something for you?”

The absolute nonchalance in their voice humbles him, reducing him to complete embarrassment.

“Uh, no, I don't need anything. I mean, uh, I do actually need something from you, though,” he amends hastily.

“Sure, what's up? I guess it must be important if you're calling, right?”

“I, um—yeah, kinda important,” he says with attempted tranquility, completely ignoring how much he was freaking out earlier. “So…you got, uh, lipstick remover?”

“Lipstick remover?” Their surprise makes him shrivel. “Well, I have a couple types of makeup remover…”

“I think it needs to be specific?”

“You think it needs to be specific? What exactly are we dealing with here?” Their voice carries bewildered amusement.

“It's, uh…” He swallows. He can't tiptoe around it anymore. “It's…yours?”

“...Huh?”

“You got some lipstick on me last night, and it's not coming off,” he says finally, mortifyingly, and the line goes silent.

“Fucking—I'm so sorry, my memory is spotty from last night and I, I thought I imagined that, and, uh—” They awkwardly clear their throat. “I'm sorry, I really am. It's not supposed to transfer like that, but I guess it just…”

“It's okay,” he says, despite how hysterical it made him earlier. That part isn't their fault. “It's just, uh, really staying on there.”

“Shit. Of course. It's this super resilient lipstick I use for when I go out drinking, because it's not supposed to come off like, at all, so it comes with this specific remover—I'm sorry, I don’t need to be rambling like this.” They laugh nervously. “I'm on my way home now, but it should be on my desk if you wanna look at it. It's a black tube, which…isn't very specific, I guess. And my desk is really messy…”

“I'll start looking,” Carmy decides.

“I'm sorry,” they reply miserably.

“It's okay. You said you were coming home now?”

“Yes. Yes, I am. I'll see you soon, okay?”

“Cool. See you.”

The call ends. Carmy just stands there for a minute. It's like a tidal wave just rushed over him, and now the water is slowly settling to a stand still.

Black tube, he thinks. How hard can that be?

Very hard, it seems.

Their room is comfortably messy. Definitely not as messy as his. There's some clothes on the floor, jackets on chairs, underwear he turns his gaze away from (don't imagine them in that lace one lying in the corner or the flowery one or the fucking thong he didn't see anything), but that's about it. Nothing outside of typical clutter, in his opinion.

The desk, though. The desk.

He doesn't think he can even see the surface of it. There's just lots of little things scattered across it, from piles of jewelry to stacks of papers and books. It's like an ispy book.

He stares at it, trying to find a black tube. He quickly realizes how much of a futile effort it's going to be.

In this moment, he thinks about how he's never spent much time in their room. The two of them usually hang out in the living room. Besides, he's not one to go snooping around in someone's personal space. Until being pushed to his limits and being given explicit permission, that is.

He leans in, peering closer at the scattered items. There's a little bit of everything. Receipts, make-up brushes, scissors, paper scraps, empty water cups, hair ties, empty candy wrappers, lipsticks…none of which are black tubes.

Maybe it's not on their desk. Maybe it's on a different shelf.

They said it was on their desk, a voice in his head says, but he’s not listening.

The next closest thing is their nightstand. It's a little messy, but nowhere near as bad as their desk. There's a melatonin bottle, some lip balm, a bedside lamp. He squints, seeing what might be more pills or maybe skincare until a dark tube catches his eye.

When he picks it up, he realizes it's not black, instead being a dark blue. Also, it's not a tube, it's more of a bottle.

The text on it also reads as lube, not lipstick remover.

…Lube?

It's lube, his brain repeats, helpful as ever.

I can see that, he thinks back.

“Hello? Carmy?”

A familiar voice has him scrambling to put the lube back. He moves it back to the night stand more quickly than he could have ever expected of himself.

“Hey, I'm in your room,” he calls back, hoping that his fabricated nonchalance comes off as believable. He steps out of their room into the hallway, and they appear at the end of it.

The first he notices is how much better they look when he saw them last. To be fair, the last time he saw them, they were sobbing and throwing up into the toilet, drunk out of their mind, but still. It's still an improvement. Their cheeks are flushed from the cold, and their hair is mussed from being outside.

“Hey. Did you find it?”

“I couldn't find it,” he admits. He steps out of the way to let them through, and then he follows them back into their room.

“Yeah, sorry, my desk is a fucking nightmare,” they mutter darkly, making a beeline for their desk. “I swear I took it out and put it right here…Ah, yes!”

Miraculously, they pull it out. It looks like a lipstick in itself, and when they uncap it, it just looks like a white lip balm.

“So, do I just…rub it on?”

“Well—yeah, you should, but it emulsifies with water, so you just use water and then use a cotton pad…” Carmy supposes the confusion isn't too well masked on his face. “Can I see where it is?” They ask tentatively.

Wordlessly, Carmy turns his head. He supposes they're just glad they didn't see it immediately.

“Oh.” When he turns to face them again, their cheeks are dark with color. It's not a look he's used to seeing on them. “I'm sorry,” they say again with a downturned head.

“It's okay,” Carmy says again, and he means it. He brings a hand to his cheek subconsciously. “I just…”

“Let me take it off,” they insist, guilt knitted in their expression, and that's how Carmy ends up seated on the toilet seat.

“Now I'm the one getting patched up on the toilet,” he says quietly. He wonders if it was the wrong thing to say, but it makes them laugh.

“So, um, when did you notice?” They ask. The tube uncaps with a small pop.

“A couple hours ago,” he admits. The balm feels smooth and oily against his cheek. “I had no idea, but my coworkers, uh…”

“Oh my god,” they mutter under their breath. “I just don't think I'm ever gonna stop apologizing for this.”

“It's fine, really,” he insists, even though he was manically scrubbing at his skin earlier. “It was sorta funny,” he adds, even though he was freaking out while everyone else was laughing. They don't need to know.

“That's good, at least.”

“Yeah. It was—uh…”

He feels their thumb rubbing circles into his cheek, and the words disintegrate like sand in the wind.

“Sorry, this is just one of those things that takes a little bit of work to get off.” Their tone projects a casual indifference to it, but their voice is so quiet that it feels unfairly intimate.

“I didn't know lipstick could be this…intense,” Carmy hears himself say. He's far away, still trapped in the feeling of their hand on his face.

“It's what you need for an intense night out,” they reply with a small smile. He looks up at them then, meeting their dark eyes, but they're concentrated on the spot on his cheek. When they catch him looking, though, they don't look away.

“Are you feeling better?” He asks quietly. He can’t stop looking.

“A lot better. Yesterday was rough, but I'm feeling okay now.”

“Good.”

“Yeah. Um…” They lean back, breaking eye contact, and Carmy feels a pressure releasing. They grab a wet paper towel and carefully drag it across his cheek. “Thanks again, by the way. For putting up with me last night. I mean, it was more than just putting up, but…y'know.”

“Sure,” he says, much softer than intended. “It happens.”

“I think you're just nice,” they tease, fully intended to be light-hearted, but because Carmy's the way that he is, it weighs heavily in his chest.

“Sometimes,” he mumbles, because that's all he can bear to say.

Because last night, they looked him in the eyes and whispered that they wanted to know him. That they thought he was sweet, he was kind. They spoke with such earnestness that for a split second, Carmy considered believing them about everything, even though that’s always the wrong thing to do.

Because once he believes them a little bit, he’ll start acting like he’s a good person. He’ll fool everyone around him, even himself.

Then, the inevitability that is his self-destruction will arrive like it’s always promised. He will mess everything up like he always does, sharp-edged flaws unfurling from the inside out. They’ll slice everyone he was able to fool into getting close enough.

The least he can do is try and give some kindness back before it happens.

“Just take the compliment,” they say with a small grin. “Y'know, I don't remember everything from last night. There's bits and pieces I know that're missing. But from what I do remember…” They make one final wipe at his cheek. “You have to let me be nice to you.”

He remembers, too.

So deal with it, they had said. Me caring about you.

“How could I forget,” he tries to joke, but his laugh comes out sounding far too breathless. Luckily for him, their laugh, much more tangible and believable, joins his own.

“I said some crazy shit last night, I know.” They take a seat next to him on the edge of the bathtub. “But I meant it. I like being your friend, Carmy. I hope I didn’t say too much.”

“You didn't say too much. You were just drunk.” He feels a bit stunned.

“Okay,” they accept after a beat. “I mean, you're right. I was just drunk. Um…” They gesture towards his face. “I got the mark off, by the way.”

Carmy stands up and checks his face in the mirror. Sure enough, it's gone. He feels relief wash over him like a breeze, and another feeling he can't place. It's…It's…

“Thanks,” he says, and they nod.

“It's the least I could do.” They stand up, too, and walk out of the bathroom. They stand in the doorway for a moment before looking at him. “I'm gonna smoke. You wanna join?”

It's…

“Yeah, for sure. I'll be just a sec.”

Then it's just him in the bathroom, the door shut as he stares at his reflection. The harsh fluorescent bathroom light casts harshly down the planes of his face, creating dark shapes on his face. He stares at the spot where the lipstick mark used to be. The longer he stares, the more the unnamed feeling stretches outwards.

When it drops in his stomach, that’s when he realizes.

The feeling is disappointment.

@zorrasucia

#carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #the bear #carmen berzatto #the bear fx #jeremy allen white #WHEEEEE CHAPTER 2 LETS GO!!!!!! thanks everyone for the kind words on ch 1.... it made me very happy..... i love carmy so much. so very muc #this chapter is all over the place but that's just whats up #my stuff #my writing #also hello zs i hope that's what u meant by tagging u LOL i'm a newbie to this #my fics #carmy #reader #alexithymia fic

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lutinsdolls · 11 months ago

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Monster High Scare-adis redesigns!!

LAGOONA: as usual, I made her skintone a cooler shade of pink so that it would blend well with her legs. I tried to go for a more tropical-sunset look, and her streaks are a nod to that. Overall the thing that bothered me in her OG design was her swimsuit, but the rope was cute so I kept it.

A cute doll overall.

CLAWDEEN: I’ll start by saying that they did my girl so wrong.

There is absolutely no harmony in the colors and the outfit.

I don’t get the vibe they were going for… And I wish they would give our girl braids!!!

There’s so much stuff that overwhelms the eyes.

So, I gave her a swimsuit with the colour palette of the original shirt while also maintaining her sporty look by giving her sneakers and knee-socks.

I kept her tennis hat + the sunglasses combo and gave her braids and a high ponytail!

FRANKIE: I was inspired by Tyler, The Creator’s outfits.

Adjusted their color palette and made it more balanced.

And gave them big shoes bc I feel like they would like to be comfortable especially if they’re playing beach volley! :^)

DRACULAURA: I think that her og doll is pretty cute. Her colour palette is pretty balanced.

However I wanted to give my own spin to her design, by adding ruffles and little bats instead of cobwebs ( except for her hat ).

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wanderingsimsfinds · 7 months ago

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WanderingSims Fave CC - Teen Female List

1-2, 15 - Anzuchansims - CloudCat OneLastKiss Top Long Sleeves, Short Sleeves, & Skirt

3 - Nightospheresims - dissia Penelope Top

4-6, 18 Nightospheresims - jellymoo Grim Hoodie, Undead Tee, Zinc Tee, & Ghoul Skirt

7-8, 36 - Nightospheresims - Serenity Cate Top, Taylor Top, & Taylor Pants

9-10 - Nightospheresims - babytears Horror Void Sweater & Star Top

11, 59, 64 - AmerikoSteelie - Satellite 4t3 Elliesimple Cropped Sweater Top, SkittleSims 4t3 Elliesimple Midi Dress, & RolloRolls 4t3 Elliesimple Angel Dress

12 - polaesims - Serenity Barbie Fluffy Sweater

13-14, 46-47, 67-68, 72, 83-86, 88-89 - AmerikoSteelie - 4t3 Rimings Lazy Sunday Crop Top + Shorts, 4t3 AdriendPastel Keira Outfit, 4t3 Rimings Autumn School Uniform Outfit, 4t3 Rimings Summer Poison Midi Dress, 4t3 Arltos Evening Dress, 4t3 Rimings Summer Poison Swimsuit, 4t3 Jius Bowknot Hell Pumps, 4t3 Jius Bowknot Platform Loafers 01, 4t3 Jius Daisy Sandals 01, 4t3 Jius Y2K Loafers With Leg Warmers, Platform Leather Sandals, & 4t3 Arltos Geta Kimono Shoes

16-17 - SimSongs - Rusty Taylor Jacket & Belted Trousers

19-20, 45, 65, 80 - AmerikoSteelie - SugarSSims 4t3 BRS Sugar Skirt + Top, PuChiHouse School Uniform, R0ach3z 4t3 Serenity Lolly Dress, & UWillNeverFindMe 4t3 KK404 Japanese Kimono

21-23 - Nightospheresims - AxA Olivia Skirt & Trillkye Moonwalk Pajamas Top + Pants

24, 48 - AmerikoSteelie - simsoficeandfire 4t3 LazyEyelids Denim Miniskirt & simsoficeandfire 4t3 NitroPanic Cute ASF Dress

25 - VMSims - 4t3 School Korean Uniform Fem Skirt 2 + 2b

26-29 - KotaJose - Pleated Skirt + Loose Slacks & Kristal Leggings + Skinny Jeans

30 - SuteFlower - Gorilla3x Basic Jeans

31, 62 - RStar - Strada Jeans & Enchanted Dress

32-33 - elvgreen - Elliesimple Straight Levi's Bottom & Clumsyalien Riona Bottom

34 - xxbomixx - b0t0xbrat Dark Cargo Pants

35 - MickeyMouseClubhouss - Orion Sweatpants

37 - teekapoa - EP11 Bottom Edit

38-42 - Anzuchansims - CloudCat Avalon Outfit V1 + V2 & CloudCat Blight Outfit Jacket + Outfit & Marigold Ribbon Strap Off Shoulder Sweatshirts Dress

43 - VMSims - 4t3 Korean Girls School Uniform

44 - Nightospheresims - kumikya Carly Outfit

49, 91-92 - Anzuchansims - Nell Transparent Sleeves Dress & Carnival Scene Shoes V1 + V2

50 - VMSims - 4t3 Gorillax3 Blazer Vest Dress

51-53 - Nightospheresims - demondar Audrey Dress + Amity Dress & Trillkye Delight Dungaree Dress

54 - AmerikoSteelie - 4t3 NitroPanic Suspender Dress V2

55 - Nightospheresims - Trillkye Splash Cardigan Dress

56-57 -AmerikoSteelie - 4t3 Arethabee Secret Society Sabrina Dress & 4t3 Arethabee Wildflowers Violet Dress

58 - AmerikoSteelie - 4t3 CloudCat Fatal Frame Ruka Lace Dress

60 - elvgreen - 4t3 ekinege Chiffon Mini

61, 79, 90 - AmerikoSteelie - Xiasimla 4t3 SP23 Dress Silk, Xiasimla 4t3 Zeussim Asian Affair Dress, & VenusPrincess Zori With Tabi Shoes

63 - Nightospheresims - RR Marie Dress

66 - Nightospheresims - Madlen Daisy Dress

69 - AmerikoSteelie - 4t3 Elliesimple Pajamas Two Piece V2

70-71 - VMSims - 4t3 Gorillax3 Short Piping Pajama Full Body & 4t3 Sudalsims Homewear Dress

73-77 - Nightospheresims - Trillkye Thea Bikini, Madlen Sandy Bikini 1 + 2, Kumikya Lola Bikini, & ciao Glitter Bikini

78 - kent404 - Female Yukata

81 - sweetdevil - WA Cheongsam

82 - AmerikoSteelie - 4t3 Astya96 Lolita Platform Shoes

87 - AmerikoSteelie - 4t3 Madlen Sweet Harmony Melody Shoes

93 - Jamiesplayhouse - 4t3 Converse

94-95 - pixicat - Vans Sneakers & Dr Martens

96 - SimSongs - Madlen Kai Sneakers

97-102 - SuteFlower - Jius Platform Heeled Boots 01, Jius Star Fuzzy Boots 01, Jius Canvas Platform Sneakers 01, Jius Platform Pumps With Socks + Jius Heeled Jelly Sandals, & Jius Leather Ankle Boots 04

#cc list

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avikard · 8 months ago

Text

EQUESTRIA GIRLS HAVE ALWAYS STRUCK ME AS TERRIBLY UNDESIGNED FROM A DESIGN STANDPOINT and i want to show you how I tried to fix it for my own amusement

(they are arranged by height from high to low)

Fluttershy, my sweet girl, has always seemed to me to have been left out by the authors in the question of what kind of clothes she might like to wear to include in the design. what the hell are tall boots? what the hell are open tops? no no no no no, that's not good. i think such a modest, but strong schoolgirl would go for a discreet set of clothes - light skinny jeans, ballet flats, a plain white shirt (after all, we are in an educational institution here!) and the crown of the outfit - a knitted cardigan with butterflies, referring both to her cutiemark and to the soft warm-loving vibe. she has a fairly light shade of both hair and fur, so she's a light colored girl with blonde long curls and turquoise eyes.

Applejack sometimes undeservedly makes her too inexpressive in terms of muscles, which suits her very well, but sometimes they move too far away from the “femininity” in her face and body (according to my personal preference), which is why she ceases to be read as exactly that character, which we see in games. so i tried to convey the harmony of her beautiful strong body and “femininity”. the only character that the original design boots look good on is the cool country thing (as do wide-leg jeans, a cute two-tone shirt and a RED KERCHIEF WITH RED BOWTS). her earrings reference a cutiemark! i removed the hat because, although it is an Apple feature, it looks out of place as part of a school outfit. let's assume she wears it when not in class. she is a strong girl with simple features, but with gorgeous blonde curls… tanned, freckled, with beautiful green eyes. exactly the way i read her original pony version.

Rarity is simply a beauty, an irresistible lady. she was probably the least in need of correction in my eyes (not counting the damn boots, my God, they were so out of place). her jewelry is a pretty obvious cutie mark reference, and her skirt is a different style to highlight her hips. a plain blouse turned into a luxurious jumper (?) with a chic neckline. dark nylon tights, elegant shoes - everything to look the most chic and stylish in school. I think this look suits her terribly. she is a very fair (most likely she takes great care of her skin in this regard) girl with brown hair and charming blue eyes. all this in her is diluted by a cute gap between her front teeth, which she is proud of.

Rainbow Dash for me will always be a schoolgirl with not the most expressive muscles, but with unreal strength! that's why she doesn't have as muscular a body as Applejack, but everything else about her says, no, SCREAMES that she's a first-class runner and certainly not a weakling! she has a light tracksuit, cool sneakers, a cool jacket, cool eyebrow piercings, cool ear piercings, a cool scar on her leg, cool colored hair (slightly grown out), generally everything is cool. she has wheat hair and light brown eyes. if Rarity is the most beautiful and fashionable girl in school, then she is the coolest and she knows it.

Twilight is a diligent, nerdy student who i associate with magicians (those with cool frilly shirts and huge hats), which i wanted to reflect in her image. so she's in a rather old-fashioned, but interesting way - a knee-length plaid school skirt, a shirt with puffy sleeves and a big bow, asian school shoes. yes, yes, yes, she is asian with the typical skin tone and straight black hair. i love how Twilight’s character fits perfectly with the image of an asian student, accustomed to studying for something more in the future, well-read and erudite.

Pinky is simply a wonderful girl with a bright image to match her character. instead of the typical skirts and blouses, i tried on a denim sundress and sneakers with large knee socks, as well as a huge pile of jewelry: friendship baubles, earrings, pendants, more baubles, hairpins, badges - a chaotic image, like Pinky herself. her natural hair color is red, so she's a blue-eyed curly redhead, which just suits her!!!!

the designs of the princesses in Equestria Girls struck me as so tasteless in their entirety even more than the designs of the mane six. they had to be remade very radically, so they are more of a bonus! further there will be more headcanons along with comments directly about the designs.

Celestia is a cool, elegant, wise principal (that’s what the students think of her, Luna doesn’t think so) and her image emphasizes this. the headmistress doesn’t belong with colored hair, so i interpreted her mane as a beautiful neck scarf to go with her crimson suit. a golden brooch in the shape of a sun, a golden watch, a golden hairpin in the shape of a laurel - this is all about her status and services to the school. she has wheat hair and purple eyes - an extremely rare phenomenon, but it does occur in real life. she works to organize student learning experiences, field trips to museums, and more hands-on learning opportunities. although she really does a lot for the school, many do not notice how much rests on the shoulders of the vice-principal, standing somewhere behind Celestia at all events…

Luna is the vice-principal of the school, whose merits are often belittled. she always bears all the bureaucratic part of the work, she is engaged in a bunch of duties that require a long time of reading and double-checking documents, drawing up reports and working with other papers. most often she sits in her office and is often the last one to leave school. she is not Celestia’s sister, but they have known each other for so long that it’s like they really are sisters (there are legends around the school about whether they are related or not). she has a silver brooch in the shape of a month and a laurel hairpin similar to Celestia's. she has thick, dark, curly hair and a streak of gray hair from her temple, caused by stress at work, and blue eyes. no matter what, she sincerely loves her students and tries to organize their time at school besides studying (clubs, events and movie nights are all her initiatives).

THANK YOU FOR READING, i hope you enjoyed diving into my vision of it all!!

BONUS FOR THOSE WHO READ, my designs of Applejack and Pinkie to the cover of the "Gypsy Bard" from Friendship is Witchcraft on youtube!!

#equestria girls #equestria girls redesign #flattershy #applejack #rarity #rainbow dash #twilight sparkle #pinky pie #princess celestia #princess luna #redesign #mlp

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dumbslxtclub · 2 years ago

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I seriously love your writing. Can i request eddie kissing reader just outta nowhere ( hes really fucken smitten with her) and readers just fucken shocked and stunned and doesnt really kiss back because eddies with chrissy and reader is chrissys best friend. Eddie seriously forgot he was with chrissy and realises he fucked up.

let me put my lips to something | e.m

eddie munson x fem!reader

content warnings: fem!reader, adult language, adult themes, angst, hurt/comfort, some canon divergence/au, reader is 19, anxiety, ANGSTY angst, fluff, no use of y/n, weed consumption, cheating (eddie kisses reader while with chrissy), cliffhanger (kinda) ending but it's definitely not happy

word count: 2.7K+

a/n: my first request eeeeee!!! thank you anon for this one, such a delish challenge to write and I loved every angsty second of it xxx

part one / part two

The slightly skunky haze of smoke from the crackling joint perched between your fingertips intermingles with the balmy Spring air, filling your lungs with the promise of warmer days to come. The first mild night the town of Hawkins has been granted, a desperately needed reprieve from dark nights arriving prematurely and wind-chill cold enough to ice your bones.

A blanket is rolled out on the dewy grass behind Eddie’s van, the pair of you laying heavy on the polyester fabric as you succumb to intoxication, music lightly thrumming from the car’s stereo. Your secret lookout point, discovered years prior, overlooking the sleepy town twinkling sporadically as its inhabitants close the book on another day. The first daisies of the season spring up through the unkempt grass before you, dipping down into a steep slope of neglected land. Your own personal haven, shared with your best friend, the place you go when Eddie mutters through the corded phone “meet me at our spot”.

Eddie and you first grew close in sophomore year, sharing a mutual love for all things fantasy, having shared a slightly tense stand-off in the library over its tattered copy of The Hobbit. Eddie did not expect you to yield so easily, used to having to stand his ground when faced with any confrontation. But, with a warm smile, you suggested you didn’t need to re-read it just yet, passing it to his uncertain hands. With a simple gesture, you plucked the first of many bricks from his hard exterior, offering him kindness to which he wasn’t accustomed. He couldn’t believe that you, a beautiful girl, could see him as human, more than the reputation that preceded him. And thus, your friendship blossomed.

An unlikely duo, but you collected a rather eclectic group of friends. Cheerleaders, science nerds, outcasts, it didn’t matter to you. You sought out the best in people, looking beyond their stereotyped roles in the small-minded society, wanting to surround yourself with people who made you smile. Eddie loved that about you.

Matter of fact, he loved everything about you. He loved how your bedroom was unabashedly you, eclectic in every sense of the word. Posters of heavy metal bands lived in harmony with Broadway Playbills, crisp tennis shoes and graffitied sneakers sitting at the foot of your bed. It’s like you collected pieces of the people you loved, keepsakes of your time together and shared interests to show off to the world.

He loved how unafraid you were to announce your friendship, calling his name out with a cheerful wave through the crowded hallways on the dreariest of mornings. It gave Eddie something to look forward to on his lowest days, where getting out of bed was a drag. The assurance of seeing your beaming smile enough to get him through the doorways of the school he loathed.

And he loved how you took an interest in him. Patiently listening as he explained the rules of DnD, inviting you to campaign nights to which you happily celebrated the group's victories without an inkling as to what was actually going on. Getting dragged to obscure concerts out of town, driven by the promise of getting to spend time with one of your best friends. How you got along with Wayne like a house on fire, helping him prepare all sorts of meals with plenty of leftovers to spare that he could take to his long overnight shifts.

Eddie had a lot of love to give. Which makes the complete misplacement of his feelings all the more tragic.

They say sandbox love never dies, which is the case for you and Chrissy. The closest of friends since elementary school, her contagious positivity rubbed off on you in the best of ways. She supported you no matter what, and you did the same for her. And so, when she asked if you thought she should invite Eddie to the Homecoming dance last year, you ignored the pitfall in your stomach, shoving the harbinger of jealousy down and encouraging her to do so. You anticipated that it would be a one-off, the two having never spent much time together beyond exchanging pleasantries. But, as it turns out, they meshed together perfectly, like slotting pieces together from two separate puzzles.

In one fell swoop, you lost craved time with the two of your best friends as they elected to spend more time together, a relationship quickly blooming between them. If you and Eddie were an unlikely duo, Chrissy and Eddie were like chalk and cheese.

And yet, somehow, it worked.

From your perspective, anyway.

Like all relationships, you’d hear about how they naturally clashed. Eddie had no interest in going to Chrissy’s basketball games, casting you in the role of mediator as you dragged him to watch his girlfriend perform. And you patiently coached Chrissy through the little knowledge you’d accumulated through the Dungeon Master, whispering in her ear while the two of you spectated another campaign. But at the end of the day, they both seemed happy enough. And that’s what mattered most to you, regardless of your mounting feelings for your metalhead friend. The sinew of your cheek felt the brunt of your anguish as you clenched tender flesh between your teeth while you’d watch Eddie whisper sweet nothings into Chrissy’s ear across the room. The edges of your nails finding solace digging into your soft palms as he slung his arm around hers at the cafeteria table, watching as she occupied the chair once reserved for you. Relishing in the delicious burn on your waterline as you squeezed your eyes shut, noticing Chrissy beelining towards you in the school hallway wearing one of Eddie’s bracelets. An unwilling masochist at the hands of your best friends, contorting your mouth into a smile to hide the civil unrest simmering beneath your skin.

Tonight, you’d been whisked away from pressing History homework at Eddie’s request, receiving a phone call from him that he just needed to clear his head for a bit. Deducing that something must have happened between him and Chrissy, you asked him to pick you up along the way. The drive was quiet, Eddie plastering a fake plastic smile you were acutely accustomed to donning yourself, electing to once again prioritize your friend’s needs above your own.

And now, just like old times, the pair of you lay parallel to each other, gazing up at the clear night’s sky. It’s been clear that Eddie is not in the mood to talk about what happened, so you steer clear of the subject. Instead, you exist in comfortable silence, passing the burning joint between you while your limbs cement themselves to the ground. Limitless sky existing in front of your hazy vision, the question slipped out from the deepest recesses of your slightly-stoned mind.

“Do you ever think about the universe?” As you pass Eddie the butt of the joint, you tilt your head towards him. He chuckles at your obscure question, placing the rolled paper between his plump lips.

“Oh god, you’re not about to dump today’s Physics class on me, are you?”

“Shut up, that’s not what I mean.”

His eyes flutter closed as he exhales a plume of smoke skyward, stubbing out the remaining embers onto an ashtray beside him.

“I mean, yeah, sometimes. Tried to count all the stars in the sky once, but fell asleep before I finished the job.”

A grin takes over your face, shaking your head.

“I didn’t know you knew how to count, good for you.”

Eddie hisses, his hand flying to his heart to cover the metaphorical wound.

“Ouch, that was cruel, princess.” You’d never admit how the nickname made your heart flutter, breath slightly hitching at his words. “But tell me, Professor. What are your thoughts on the universe?”

Blurry eyes gaze up at the stars, twinking in the black sheet of night vast along the landscape.

“It’s just weird to think about, like, how insignificant we are.”

“Bit pessimistic, are we?” Eddie quips.

“It’s not pessimistic! It’s freeing.”

“How so?”

Each breath feels labored, grounding yourself as you find the right words.

“I mean, there are billions of universes just like ours out there. And we’ll never know about them. In the grand scheme of things, we are just a blip on the timeline, you know? A hundred years from now, no one will remember our names. And we think everything is so important. Like, I saw Amy Dixon crying in the library the other day because she didn’t get a good grade on the Math final. Or I went to the grocery store last weekend and some cashier was getting screamed at because he overcharged a lady by two cents. Like, who fucking cares?”

“Right, so what’s your point?” Eddie’s tone is entirely curious, he loves digging into your mind, hearing your perspective on anything and everything.

“My point is, nothing matters. We literally don’t matter. We’re here, and then one day, we’re not. And I don’t mean that in a cynical way, I think it’s so freeing, you know? We can do whatever we want. Like, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, or how they try to squeeze me into whatever box they think I should fit into. Because at the end of my life, when I’m all old and gray and sitting alone in my bed, I want to be able to look back and go ‘Hey, I don’t regret a minute of that’. Like, there was nothing I wish I’d done but was too scared to. I just want to be proud of how I lived my life, you know?”

Your rambling ceases, silence filling the air between the pair of you. Eddie doesn’t reply, but you do feel him shuffling against the blanket.

“Sorry, that was probably boring and a bit weird-”

Two fingers softly pinch your chin, edging your face in the direction of your friend. Lolling your head to the side, you struggle to decipher Eddie’s expression in the dusky night. You can make out his two big brown eyes boring into you, minutely darting around your face, drinking in your features. He shuffles closer to you, hand still planted on the crook of your jawline. Time feels like it’s moving in slow motion. Every action languid, moving slowly, then all at once. Warm lips crash down on yours, sending shockwaves through your system. Melting at his touch, you relish the sensation of his soft lips intermingling with yours in the most sensual of embraces. The intensity of the moment caused you to cling onto him as the only stable thing in a dizzy world. A potent cocktail of chemicals flood your brain, far more intoxicating than any drug, leaving you aching for more. But you know you can’t. Or rather, you shouldn’t.

Pulling away, eyes wide as you study your best friend, who pinches his eyes together from the sudden loss of contact.

“Eddie, why-” You begin, unable to string a coherent sentence together with the amount of blood erratically pumping through your veins.

“‘M sorry. I had to do that, just once.”

Tears prickle the corners of your dry eyes, burning your waterline as you fight them back as shock behind to set in. Eddie, on the other hand, looks like the weight of the world has just been lifted from his shoulders.

“What- what about Chrissy?”

“Who?” Surely he’s not serious.

“Chrissy? Your girlfriend...”

Eddie winces at the mention of her name, shrinking into himself.

“Fuck. I- uh…”

“What?”

“I sort of, like- forgot about her for a moment.”

You’re incredulous, failing to comprehend how someone forgets about their whole significant other.

“What do you mean you forgot?”

“It’s just- fuck.” Eddie runs his hands along his weary face, waging a mental war with himself. “It’s like, sometimes, when I’m around you, everything else drops away. Like we’re the only two people in the world.”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you push down the boiling pot of emotions bubbling in your stomach.

“You don’t mean that-”

“I do. I don’t know how, but you drown out all the noise. All the bullshit, the ideas people have of me, it- it all disappears around you-”

“Eddie, please stop-”

“-And I wish I had of told you that sooner, but then Chrissy happened- and I worry that, I don’t know, I’m in too deep now-”

“Listen, you’re just high, okay? We can forget about this-” Suddenly feeling entirely sobered by this exchange, you find the strength to prop yourself up on the blanket, wrapping your arms around yourself in order to self-soothe.

“-I’m not high. I’ll wake up and feel the same way tomorrow. Chrissy is fine but she’s- fuck, she’s not you. We’ll go to the cinema and see some stupid romantic comedy, and all I want is to look over and see you.”

“Stop it.”

“Or I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and roll over and wish it was you asleep next to me.”

Bile builds in your throat at the mere thought of them occupying the same bed.

“Eddie, please-”

“And shit, I never should have said yes to her. I always knew I’d break her heart, it’s so fucked up.” Eddie’s word vomit continually spills out, you’ve never seen him so unfiltered. And it’s starting to scare you that he may be telling the truth. Finding the strength in your unsteady legs, your feet meet the ground beneath you, trying to put further distance between you and Eddie. Your heart aches like nothing you’ve ever experienced before, like you’re somehow suffocating from the inside. “I’m just- fuck, I’m sorry.”

A dense silence occupies the space between you, neither of you sure where to go from here.

“I’m not the one you should apologize to, Eddie.” Oh my god, how are you going to begin to explain this to Chrissy? The thought of losing her, the one stable constant throughout your life, prematurely breaks your heart. Your palm clasps over your mouth, shaking your head like trying to erase an Etch-A-Sketch, remove the image of Chrissy’s wide eyes as you relay what’s just transpired. The dam breaks, and the first of many tears spills down your flushed cheeks. How you wish things were simpler, wrapped up in a neat package like the happy endings you see in films.

“Shit, I really fucked up, didn’t I?” Eddie’s voice quivers beyond your glossy vision, tugging at your heartstrings. Unable to speak, you give a half-hearted nod in response. Eddie clears his throat. “Guess you’re right. We should just forget this happened, okay? Just go back to the way things were, if that’s what you want.”

A fate worse than death, existing the way you have been for months on end. But what other choice was there?

“Yeah.”

With a sigh, Eddie methodically folds up the blanket, throwing it into the back of the van.

“Let’s get you home, it’s getting late.” The drive home is silent, but the words left unsaid between the pair of you are deafening. You should feel grateful to see the familiar paneling of your house, the front left on welcoming you home. But, as always, it signals the end of your time with Eddie, heart aching from the admissions dancing on the tip of your tongue. The car gears click into park, and your unsteady hand finds the door handle.

“See you tomorrow.” Three unimportant words now charged with tension, the mere thought of seeing the pair at school tomorrow causing your stomach to flip.

“Yeah.” Eddie’s response is mumbled, taking a particular interest in the worn leather of the steering wheel. Chewing your lip, you click the door open, about to maneuver out when Eddie’s words immobilize you.

“Hey?” For the first time in the eternal drive, Eddie works up the courage to look at you directly, doe-eyes meeting yours for a fleeting moment.

“Mmm?”

With a sharp inhale of breath, Eddie struggles to maintain his gaze, brows furrowing as he nervously fiddles with his rings.

“I’ve fucked up a lot of things in my life, but I’ve been thinking about what you said. And, at the end of my shitty life, I’m gonna look back and not regret kissing you. Not for a minute.”

Those words are your springboard out of the vehicle, closing the door behind you with your little remaining composure, hastening up the driveway and through the front door. Locking it behind you, you feel your chest tighten and ache with longing and regret.

You hope things will return back to how they were. But, in the back of your mind, a small, selfish voice prays that they don’t.

#eddie x y/n #eddie x you #eddie x reader #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fic #eddie munson request #eddie munson drabble #stranger things fic #stranger things x you #stranger things x reader #dumbslxtclub

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