#hardest times in my life... scars which i can cry to and feel my heart break for...

[chrisbangs]

❤️‍🩹

[geodetojoy]

For the ask game!

-If money weren’t an issue and you didn’t have to worry about work/paying rent/surviving capitalist hellscape what would you do with your life?

-What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever read and why?

-If you go back and relive one memory, which one would it be?

Ooo hello anon!!

Also this gets a bit personal near the end, especially in 3, which I guess is the point, but be warned!!!

1. I gave an answer for this a bit ago, I rb’d mysti’s post (I’m assuming you’re referencing that, I could be wrong)

But I’ll summarize anyway lmao

First, I’d run away. No exact place in mind, just away from where I am now. The only fragments of my past id bring with me are my cats, maybe one irl friend, and my online friends. Everything else, I’d leave behind.

I wanna give my cats the kind of life they deserve, bc right now they live in a basement with quite literally no access to the sun and it fucking breaks my heart.

I’d live somewhere pretty far out from society, likely near some forest, and I’d surround myself with plants and animals. I’d just love to be in a place with little to no light pollution and beautiful scenery. Not only would I love to live it, but I’d love to paint it too.

I’d focus on art more than anything. I’d finish WIPs, I’d have a studio in my house, I’d write, I’d study game design and make games, and so so much more.

I’d catch up on all of the videos and movies and music I need to see/hear

I’d let myself focus even more on my hyperfixations and throw myself into them entirely

And on top of that, I wouldn’t be afraid to accommodate anything for myself. I’d get rid of everything that causes sensory issues, I’d let myself stim constantly, etc. I just wouldn’t be afraid to be me.

(I think there were a few more things that I’m forgetting lmao so if you wanna dig for my last post feel free)

2. This is. The hardest fucking question I’ve ever gotten. How could you anon /j

There’s no way I could give just one answer so you get a list

1. Ok I can’t find a title bc I read this fucking ages ago but I loved it so fucking much it was a Pokémon fic where Ash and his greninja reunited and they had like telepathy, and it threw in a little bit of amourshipping as well which I used to be a huge sucker for. It’s mainly in this list bc of how well I can/could remember it; I would literally recite it to myself any night I couldn’t sleep bc a. I knew it so well and b. I wasn’t allowed on my phone after a certain time. It was also one of the first fanfics I ever read!

OK OK WAIT I FOUND IT ITS CALLED RETURN OF GRENINJA: UNITED BY ALEXANDRIA PRIME ON FANFICTION.NET

2. You Belong To Me by Smytherines!!!! I fucking love Spies Are Forever so fucking much and this fic kills me every time. Let my boys be happy!!!! Let them be soft!!!! Gah it’s just so beautiful and the art in it is fucking incredible!!! I could talk about it forever

3. Burning flames or paradise? Series by Insomnia!!!!!

Gah I love me some Smalletho!!! My boys just need to have a normal fucking conversation for once!!!

I’m also loving all of the new character additions and all of the relationships- I LOVE GEMS CHARACTER IN IT SMMM DUDE

4. To cradle love in open palms by svnnybee!!!!

The first Scarian fic I ever read and GOD is it a good one

Feat. scar being a big dumb boss and Grian being a little mischievous mole (but not for long bc he falls HARD for the guy he’s trying to spy on)

It’s just soooo fucking precious and sweet and I love them ok?

5. There is nothing more artistic than loving someone by Froggiestarrock!!!

Another Scarian one lmao but college au this time!!! Makes me cry every fucking time I read it dude it’s sooo good and we love some well-written disability rep for scar!!!! And aroace mumbo!!!!!

6. Take it all (even though I have nothing left) by Emojiconuser_456!!!

My absolute FAVORITE Qsmp fic

Charlie centric!!! My fav boy

I just looooove the way this is written and I loooove Charlie’s backstory and I loooove the way the slimes/magmas are written it’s all so beautiful and the WORLD BUILDING oh my god.

7. And how could I make this list without mentioning my writer friends!!!!

First we have eowynarchives with your lucky charm!!! A beautifully written treebark fic with wanderer Martyn and wizard ren!!!! I am in love with how it’s going so far it’s such a good story!!!!!

8. And continuing on we have my dearest soul-bound mother CharBeloved :DDDDD

They’ve written tons of stuff but my fav is Missing Memories, which is being rewritten with a new title of Found but Lost!!! It’s a really interesting genloss story with ciphers/puzzles (which I adore) and it’s got some fuckin crazy lore and I love it

9. Not a fic, but an author whose work I adore soooooo dearly!!! Quillandinktwink!!!! They also write spies stuff, curtwen specifically, and I could read all of their work until the end of eternity and never get tired of it. My fav of theirs right now is and you can savor every word which is a silly little confession story bc of silly little curt mega and his silly little hobby of journaling :)

10 ok I am cutting it here but the Ashamed series by TheBananaOwenSlippedOn (omg spies again who could have guessed) is an incredibly written au about Owen’s past (autistic Owen my beloved) and it’s soooooo painfully tragic and it makes me so fucking sad to think about the implications /ref

There’s so so many more that I didn’t include but I just genuinely can’t pick a favorite I just love fanfiction dude

3. Oooo another hard one!!!

I don’t wanna get too sad and depressing lmao but I don’t have too many good memories tbh?? Like I’ve had good experiences, I know I have, I just usually remember the bad ones, or smth happens that ruins what was once a good memory :/

And there’s tons of stuff that I’d love to go back and change, even if just a little bit, but that’s not the question LMAO

But I’ve got some in mind! And you’re getting another list deal with it /lh

1. My first ever dnd session!!! One part specifically that I’m SUPER fucking proud of-

So our party was kidnapped and imprisoned on a boat, and after we broke out we had to fight the crew. My character was a Druid, and she knew the spell Create or Destroy Water. So what I did was destroy the water in the sea surrounding one side of the boat so that the boat would fall backwards, sending everyone on board soaring in that direction :DDDD

My dm also played into this reaaaaaaly well and said that the lanterns lining the walls fell too and set the whole boat aflame it was fuckin AWESOME

2. My first time(s) talking to my moots!!!!! Mads, char, mysti, and now royal, if any of u see this, y’all have been the fuckin best part of my life and ily all so much I’m so glad to have met you :) <333333

3. The day I got two of my four (now one of my two, we have two away) kitties!!! I used to write about this every time we got a narrative writing assignment in school lmaoo so I’ll do a shortened version of that here >:)

So at my public library one summer, they were holding an event called Cat-urday where they brought a bunch of kitties from the local humane society for people to adopt! We went in, just having moved to a new house, planning to get two cats. I would get to pick one and my brother would get to pick another. I wandered around for a bit until one caught my eye. She was a mixed breed, almost resembling a tabby cat but with a white face, stomach, and boots, she was a few weeks old, and she had sprained her wrist trying to reach out of her cage. I picked her up to see if she would like me, and she practically melted into my chest.

Then, when we brought her home, she made my bed her temporary nest until she was fully nursed to health <33333

In summary, I fucking love my cats

(Btw I still have her, her name is snickers and she is so very dear to me :))) )

4. The day my mom discovered that I’m probably autistic

(I’m self diagnosed, that’s the only reason it’s worded like that)

While not necessarily something I remember fondly, it was an extreme fucking relief to hear that, a, someone else saw it too which really fucking helped with imposter syndrome, and b, I didn’t have to hide it anymore bc I thought that everyone I knew was veeeeeery ableist. Don’t get me wrong she’s still not great about it but just her knowing has made things a lot easier

5. Not one in specific, but I’d like to go back to a good time I had with my dad before I cut contact with him. Back when I thought he was a good person. Just so I could remember what it’s like for a lil bit

Edit: 6. I’d go back to the first time I watched spies are forever :))))))) GOD I fucking love that musical

This got….. incredibly long, sorry anon LMAOOOO

[marley-manson]

i want to know everything lol but let's try 4, 8 and 11 for now. i'm sure you'll get other asks but alsoooo curious about 15 but for your top 5 fave characters since you are a talented vidder, i'm sure you have interesting thoughts.

Thank you, both for the ask and the comment on my vidding 💖 Sorry I couldn't answer this last night lol, it actually took me a while to answer the song question.

4 . what’s your favorite line ?

lol it's so impossible to choose, I've seen this in a few mash themed ask memes and I have a different answer every time. Today I'm gonna go with a fave gay joke: "Captain Sodom and Captain Gomorrah. He's Gomorrah."

8 . what’s your favorite ridiculous storyline ?

Hmmmm well I love the vibes of Adam's Ribs a lot. Klinger's subplot in The Trial of Henry Blake is a stone cold classic. Lyle's crush in Springtime. God the pony contest in Life With Father. Genuinely love the erectile dysfunction episode for the freudian stuff. The Klinger/Zale fight in End Run for the sardonic commentary on the war. The tray subplot in The Life You Save for the complementary absurdism.

Uhhhhhh I'm going with pony subplot. It's fun, it's shippy, it's cute, it's light, it leads to one of the best episode endings ever, and it thematically ties into the rest of the episode in a neat way.

11 . favorite random object in the swamp ?

I love the basketball with a jack o lantern face drawn on in marker in Trick or Treatment. It's that or Hawkeye's picture of Truman, because I like to imagine him occasionally directing exasperated commentary towards it.

15 . pick a theme song for one of the characters . why do you think that song suits them ?

Oof lol this is hard because the hardest part of vidding for me is finding the right songs. I actually don't have very many associated with Mash characters for some reason. But I'll give it a shot!

I am going to go with my first vid song for Hawkeye, Waltzing Along by James. May your mind set you free, may your heart lead you on. It's perfect for his vibe imo. The rebellion in spirit despite being trapped, the ways he keeps sane, the love.

I do already have a main song I associate with Margaret: Happy Meal II by The Cardigans. Margaret always on the search for someone to complete her, faking her way through relationships by presenting a facade and trying to be perfect for them, the insistence that she's happy that sounds more and more forced the more it's repeated.

Arrange my books in order Make up some nice stories to amuse you Make things look smart and easy Shape up the place Hungry for the meeting The dinner we'll be eating Wine that we'll be drinking And kinky thoughts I'm thinking All because of you

Though actually I've mentioned that before in another meme, so have a different Cardigans song for her as well lol, Slow:

There'll be rain on our wedding day Rotting roses in my bouqet There'll be rain on our wedding day Gray be the sky Too late to cry

For Trapper... okay I consulted my tiny Mash playlist and found one that I think fits him. Left and Leaving by The Weakerthans. Not the type of song I usually listen to but hey it works.

The sidewalks are watching me think about you Sparkled with broken glass I'm back with scars to show Back with the streets I know

Okay BJ might not be in my top 5 but I actually have a few songs associated with him so he gets to jump the queue. I'm going with GMF by John Grant. I wanted to vid it but it's such a long song with some tricky lyrics to match I couldn't get it started, but I dig it for BJ. Especially this bit:

I am not who you think I am I am quite angry which I barely can conceal You think I hate myself, it's you I hate Because you have the nerve to make me feel

I wanted one for Klinger but if I had one for him I'd be vidding it lol :( So I wracked my brain to think of one for Frank, and realized my all time favourite song actually fits him lol: Lovefool, once again by The Cardigans. Just genderswap it and it's perfect in its pathetic shallow neediness.

ask meme

[duskamethyst]

wait lol i was the one who sent that toji angst ask i think i accidently tapped anon.

as far as smut goes you can add it in if you want, i wouldn't mind! but personally i am in the mood for just pure sad angst that'll make me cry. and hey if smut is required to do that then have at it.

a/n: okay i have no idea why did you guys trusted me with angst but my dumbass just decided to merge these requests together. personally, i don't think you'd cry over this haha cus i believe if i were to do a heavy angst, i'd include a mcd. i'll save it for next time, probably.

anyways anon, i tried to get into character for this by using real life experience, the song you mentioned (which i had no idea cus the only deja vu song i knew was by post malone. yeah, i'm lame or wtv) and the very last couple of lines are actually dialogues from bojack horseman (from one of my fav episodes ever).

the best part of your morning was when you always got to wake up next to toji. he'd be very different in his slumber– very calm yet still so charming. you loved this kind of morning, allowing you to bask in the quietude as you snuggled in his broad chest before his arm draped across your torso. toji would slowly stir awake when he felt your movements, a lazy smile on his scarred lips to start up your day.

"g'mornin', handsome." you giggled, pecked his lips sweetly as he pulled you closer to return the kiss on top of your head.

"five more minutes?" his voice was husky with a slight groan escaping when you tried to push yourself away from him in order to get breakfast ready.

the rest of the day would be just the both of you either walking around town and discovering new things and places as you clung onto his arm or loitering around your apartment, cuddling each other before one thing led to another, but none of it was a bore as you enjoyed his company just as much as he enjoyed yours.

despite it all, your relationship with toji didn't progress. no amount of time he spent with you and the way he treated you ever made you bring up the question of what are we? in favor of not wanting to make things awkward even when it lingered in your mind so often.

then, you began to notice the decline of attention he was giving to you. from the way he didn’t hit you up to come and hang at your place to the little to no text messages from him– very unlike the time he used to blow up your phone so randomly everyday. you understood where you stand, so you never found the need to confront him about it. toji was a busy man. he had his own life and job and so did you.

above all, toji was never really yours to begin with. and you denied your feelings, telling yourself that it couldn’t be more than what it was. it made you feel a little better knowing that you could fool around with other people as well just in case toji decided to ghost you.

but why does it feel so unsettling?

coincidentally, you see him again in your favorite restaurant, and you feel elated to know that he likes the place enough to actually buy a meal for himself from here too.

but as your eyes follow and flicker behind him, everything finally falls into place.

you realize that you’ve already been replaced.

replaced? should that even be the proper word considering your relationship with him?

yet why do you feel as if you’re stabbed in the heart when you see toji walking into the restaurant with another woman?

as if the air in your lungs suddenly goes missing when he spares you the briefest glance and pretends like you’re invisible as his fingers entwined with the other woman?

like you have the sudden urge to vomit when you see him smiling and laughing with her, the very same look and sounds of joy he shared with you weeks ago?

the hardest part is to pretend like you are just another stranger in the same room, sharing the same point of view as the other people around when you were the one who sat next to him way back then.

you recognize the way toji looks at her because it’s the same way he used to look at you– like the world around him just kind of disappears as he intently listens to whatever she’s talking about.

and now you’re walking past him with a wave of nostalgia coming over you when you catch the whiff of his cologne– a brutal reminder of when your bodies were pressed against each other, seconds before your attires littered the floor.

and you can’t help but to think: have they done the same thing too? did you ever cross his mind whenever he held her?

every second makes you crumble. your existence is ignored entirely while he has heart eyes for this woman you never knew about, and your heart aches even more when you catch sight of his hand on the small of her back is exactly the same way he used to do to you.

and you realize he will never do that to you again.

[goldenretriever-nicknelson]

New beginnings [P.P]

A/N: I guess I’m unofficially back or in other words I got too excited that I finished a fic and wanted to post it. I was inspired by the picture of Tom in a graduation cap and I really wanted to write Peter’s graduation which hopefully we’ll see in the movies. Anyway enjoy and now I’m gonna go hibernate until I can actually write the next chapter of tale as old as time. 

I’m also looking for a new beta reader for my fics so please let me know if you’d be interested! 

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

WC: 2.9k

Warnings: some angst and tears but mostly fluffy fluff

Peter took a deep breath as he looked at himself in the mirror. It almost felt like a dream version of himself staring back as he looked at the black robes and graduation cap that sat on his head. He’d dreamt and wondered about this day for so long and now it was finally here. His high school graduation. 

His eyes flickered over to the photo frames that stood on his dresser, two men stared back at him and Peter imagined their proud faces. He wished with all his heart that they could see him walk across that stage or give his speech. 

“They’re still here with you and they’d be so proud Peter.” 

Peter turned as he heard his aunt’s voice from the doorway. He sniffled and nodded, not realising that tears had started to form in his eyes. May wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close. He melted into the familiar comfort and hugged his Aunt just as tightly back. 

“Thanks May.” 

She pulled back and adjusted his cap, smiling proudly at her nephew. He’d been through so much even death and yet here he was, valedictorian of his class and ready to graduate. 

“I’m proud of you too.” 

Peter could sense May began to cry and he quickly shook his head with a laugh. “If you cry, I’m gonna cry and then neither of us will get to the ceremony on time.” 

She gave a watery laugh and patted his cheek, taking a deep breath. “You’re right. I’m gonna go get the car ready.” 

“Thanks May!” He called after her as she left his room, closing the door behind her and leaving Peter once again to his thoughts. He rehearsed his speech again and then again, nerves growing in the pit of his tummy. 

Just as he was leaving his phone buzzed. He worried that it would be an alert of some kind but Peter was pleased to see your name staring back at him with the words “Good luck!” and a dozen heart emojis underneath. He smiled wide as he headed to the car and met May, suddenly feelings less nauseous than before. 

May tried to speak to Peter on the drive but he could only focus on one of two things: you and his speech. He imagined what you would be wearing and the smile that could instantly make him feel better as it lit up a room. May noticed a pink tint forming on Peter’s cheeks and smiled to herself as she saw you waiting for him outside the school.

“Ready?” She looked over at her nephew and smiled, sighing softly. May couldn’t believe how much Peter had grown and how far he’d come in such a short time. He wasn’t the scared kid she knew anymore, he was braver and stronger and he’d faced everything that life had thrown at him. He deserved this moment of happiness. 

Peter nodded and took a deep breath, his hands tightly clutching the cards on which his speech was written. 

“You got this.” May encouraged with a smile. “And it looks like it’s not just me cheering you on.” She nodded to where you were standing, waiting patiently for Peter. He looked over and the smile that broke out on his face was wide enough to squash all his fears. 

You were wearing a pretty mid-length dress under your gown with a pair of sneakers and your hair perfectly styled underneath your cap. You looked beautiful. He told you so as he walked up to you, both of your eyes lighting up with happiness as Peter hugged you, practically picking you up off the ground. 

Peter always made you blush with his compliments and he’d love it when your cheeks went red because of him. He thought it was the cutest thing. Even on your worst days, Peter would always tell you why he loved you and why you were the best thing that ever happened to him. 

You and Peter had been dating for a little over a year now and there wasn’t a moment you would change. Even through the hardships and the fights, every moment with Peter was worth it. The biggest challenge had been college acceptance letters. 

Peter had got accepted into Empire State University and you had chosen to go to Columbia. Luckily it was only a 25 minute drive but even you both knew how crazy college would probably get. You’d heard about relationships, not even just the long distance ones failing because of the workload of college plus with Peter’s spidey duties there was added stress but you had both made a promise to try your hardest to make it work. You couldn’t lose each other, not after everything you’ve been through. 

He was always amazed by how perfectly your hand fit into his as if it were made to be held by him. You noticed as you walked closer to where the ceremony was taking place that Peter’s grip became tighter and his palms became sweatier. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay.” 

Peter looked at you and took a deep breath, nodding. He smiled as you cupped his cheek, leaning into your touch as it comforted him. 

“Thank you princess.” 

He leaned in and captured your lips in a sweet kiss, letting himself get distracted by the taste of your lips and the way they moved against his own. As he held you close he felt his nerves fade away and he felt he could take on anything. You were his anchor as his whole body felt on edge. 

Peter had never been one for public speaking. Sure he would give speeches as Spidey when he needed to and even though he was still awkward and nervous, he was hidden behind a mask and no one would be able to make fun of him the next day. 

As if you had read his mind, you placed your hand on his arm and kissed his cheek. “Pete, it’s the last time you’re gonna see most of these people so who cares what they think. Just keep your eyes on me, you got this.” 

Your words brought comfort to Peter as he held onto the cards for his speech. He could feel the kiss on his cheek lingering and it made him feel stronger to know he had you to support him. You took his hand in yours once again and smiled before leading the way to your seats, right next to MJ and Ned who both gave Peter a thumbs up.

He waved at May a few rows behind them and smiled, remembering to focus on his breathing as the time drew nearer. He tried not to focus on how many people there were or the different sounds that made him on edge. You knew that when Peter was nervous his senses started to make him feel on edge so you squeezed his hand and leaned into his side. 

Peter noticed your small gesture and focused instead on you; the smell of your perfume, the hum of your heartbeat and the way the sun was catching your face in a serene way. He calmed down almost instantly but it didn’t last long as soon after his name was called by Mr Harrington. 

“I’d like to welcome your class valedictorian, Mr Peter Parker.�� 

The crowd of people applauded and it took Peter a moment to process as you pushed him lightly onto his feet. With one last squeeze of your hand, he pulled away and gave you a nervous smile as he walked up the small stairs to the stage. 

Peter stood behind the podium and placed his cards down, his eyes fixated on them for a moment before he looked up at the audience. He took a deep breath, trying to stop the shake of his hands as he gripped onto the podium. 

“Woo Penis Parker!” 

It didn’t take two guesses to know who was shouting in the crowd but Flash was quickly shut down by MJ who kicked him in the shin. Peter smiled at that before his eyes found yours and he felt the anxiety in his mind quieten just enough for him to start speaking. 

As he spoke and delivered his speech about gratitude and learning, his eyes rarely left yours. He rambled a bit off text as he thought of funny anecdotes to tell about his time at Midtown and he noticed the proud smile on your lips as well as the tears that had started to gather in your eyes. 

“My time at Midtown has been interesting for sure. I’ve done things in the past 4 years that I would never have dreamed of and at one point I wasn’t even sure if I’d make it here.” 

You sniffled, remembering when Peter had gone to space and left you and May worried and how the blip had almost threatened to tear you apart. You remembered the night that you first saw Peter after the battle, his face was bruised and the marks of cuts still lined his face but he was more broken beyond that. The emotional scars he’d suffered were far worse than any physical ones. 

He used to lay in your arms and cry most nights and whenever he slept he’d wake with terrible nightmares. Sometimes he’d space out or have flashbacks that left him shaking but you held him through it all. 

“I wouldn’t be here without my friends,” Peter gave a subtle nod to MJ and Ned who smiled back at him. “My family,” He looked over at May who was wiping her eyes with a tissue and Happy who was smiling back at him. “And my love.” His eyes finally met yours once again as he smiled wide. You felt a tear slip down your cheek but you didn’t even care as you smiled back. 

“I am proud to be standing here as your valedictorian and you should all be proud of yourselves too. Part of the journey is the end and tomorrow will mark the start of the new ones we take wherever they lead.” 

Peter smiled as he finished his speech, being met with loud applause from the crowd. You made sure to be extra loud and even gave a whistle which made Peter laugh. His cheeks were red but his smile was brighter than the sun as he walked off of the stage and came back to his seat. You wrapped your arms around him tightly and kissed his blushing cheek. 

“I’m so proud of you baby.” You whispered as you both sat back down, Peter’s smile widening at your words as he took your hand and squeezed. 

The rest of the ceremony went by slowly as you both waited for your names to be called. You watched MJ sigh as she went to grab her diploma but you could tell she was excited and that there was the hint of a smile playing on her lips as you, Peter and Ned all cheered for her. 

Ned almost tripped up the stairs as he got his but quickly laughed it off and happily accepted his diploma. His family cheered just as loud as his friends and Ned walked off the stage with a wide smile, being careful not to trip again. 

When it was your turn, you could feel the pace of your heart pick up, every nerve in your body was tingling. Peter kissed your cheek before you got up and made you blush as you went to accept your diploma. You swung the tassel of your cap to the other side and did a little bow which made Peter and your supporters in the crowd cheer even louder. You didn’t know if you wanted to laugh or cry more as you walked off stage. 

Peter almost looked startled when they finally read his name. He got up quickly and walked up onto the stage, feeling more confident than he had before his speech. He smiled at the teachers and members of staff as he passed them before shaking hands as he got his diploma. He smiled out at the crowd focusing on you and May as you both cheered him on. 

Peter wished he could freeze the moment, the two most important people in his life smiling proudly at him and he knew that if Tony and Ben could be here they would be too. And for the first time in a long time, Peter was proud of himself as he stood on that stage. 

Soon enough all the names had been read and the ceremony was coming to a close. There were so many mixed emotions as the principal said the last words of his speech about moving on and wishing luck to all the graduates. It felt strange, like a dream. This chapter of your lives was really ending. 

Peter watched all the graduation caps being thrown up into the air, it almost felt like slow motion as they fell to the ground signifying the end of his high school years. He was grateful and sad and happy all at once. Yeah there had been bad times but the good times far outweighed them. 

He smiled as stole a kiss from you as you parted to go be with your own families. Peter headed towards May and Happy, accepting hugs from both of them. 

“You did so good, honey!” May ruffled his curls, making Peter roll his eyes fondly. “Happy cried too.” 

Happy gave May a look before looking back at Peter with a laugh. “Your speech was really good Peter.” 

“Thanks, both of you.” Peter smiled at them, he owed a lot to both of them especially May who had raised him. She hugged him again tightly and kissed his head before noticing you walk up to the three of them. 

“Congrats Y/n!” May pulled you into the hug with Peter, making both of you laugh. Peter was the first to pull back, his cheeks almost bright red as he gave his aunt a knowing look before asking if he could go with you. May nodded but not before kissing his cheek. 

You swung your hand with Peter’s as you walked away with a giggle. Peter lifted your hand to his lips and kissed it, making you blush. You smiled and giggled with Peter as you walked away from everyone else, soon stopping at a nearby tree which you instantly recognised. 

When Peter had first asked you to be his girlfriend, you were sitting under this tree reading as you sat between his legs on a warm summer day. You remembered the small shake in his voice as he asked you and how his smile had widened as you said yes. It was as easy as answering your own name.

Peter showed you a little tool knife which had his uncle's initials engraved and smiled. “I thought we could officially make this our spot.” You smiled wide and nodded, squeezing his hand before he started to carve both of your names with your help. 

You both smiled proudly at your work, Peter tracing his fingers over the carving of your names with forever written underneath. “It’s perfect.” He turned to face you and cupped your cheek, brushing his thumb over your cheek, “just like you.” 

You blushed and leaned into his touch, smiling softly at your boyfriend. Both of you felt so lucky to have each other especially after the blip. You never wanted to take each other for granted and you made sure you never did. 

Peter’s hand slipped into his pocket and pulled out a small box, looking like it contained a ring. You looked at him with wide eyes in shock. 

“P-Peter, I- are you-?” 

Peter furrowed his brow before realising what you were saying, his eyes going as wide as yours. He quickly shook his head and blushed with a laugh. “N-no. Maybe one day but no I’m not proposing.” 

You smiled at the mention of the future you hoped with Peter and let out a small sigh of relief. After all, you had only just graduated high school. That was a big enough life milestone for today. 

“This is a promise ring.” Peter spoke as he opened the box, showing you a beautiful silver ring that was engraved, For me, there is only you. “I love you Y/n, i don’t know what i’d do without you and I don’t want to be without you. These past few years have been crazy for sure but you’ve been my anchor through it all. This ring is to remind you that even though we might be in different places and we might not be able to spend as much time together as we want, I will always be yours. It’s only you, always has been, always will be.” 

You sniffled and wiped away a tear that escaped from your watery eyes. “Pete I-” You shook your head, feeling speechless as you held out your hand and Peter slipped the ring onto your finger. You didn’t know what to say so you said the only words that made sense in that moment. “I love you.” 

“I love you too princess, so much.” Peter caught your tears before pulling you in for a kiss, locking his lips effortlessly with yours. 

Peter knew that he’d lost a lot in such a short time and the pain of those losses might not ever go away but he had you and May, his friends and a new journey ahead of him that he was ready to take. Saying goodbye to a chapter of his life was hard but he had to focus on what laid ahead. After all, as a wise man once said; part of the journey is the end.

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[ikeromantic]

Strength

An Ikesen Mitsuhide fanfiction, approx. 2000 words. This scene occurs toward the end of Ch. 12 in the romantic route.

First: Mitsuhide and the Maiden

Previous: The Greatest Harm

Mitsuhide found Motonari in gambling house, as expected, but at the promise of violence to come, he was easy to persuade.

“We’re gonna march on tha shogun tonight, huh? ‘Bout time. My gun is gettin’ rusty with all tha waiting!” Motonari walked beside the kitsune warlord, almost bouncing. “I can send my men over to get tha guns and powder in tha mornin’. It’ll take that long ta get there and set a camp. Too bad we can’t just rush tha castle an’ get tha party started tonight!”

It was strange to think the man genuinely enjoyed fighting. For Mitsuhide, battles and killing were a means to an end, but he never sought them out. Still, it was good at least that the pirate was on his side. He’d rather point this avatar of destruction at a target than to be the target.

“Yer awful quiet, fox. Get in a tiff with tha woman?” Mouri chuckled. “Can’t imagine why.”

Mitsuhide gave the pirate a thin, sharp smile. He couldn’t let the man goad him, not tonight. Not with so much on the line. “My little mouse is fine. It is not easy for her to stay here while I go to fight.”

“Huh. Ya sure that’s all?”

The man was too damn perceptive. But they said madmen often were. Mitsuhide chose to ignore the comment.

Kennyo was staying in a widow’s home at the edge of the market. Of course, Mitsuhide was not supposed to know that - but the abbot knew he knew, and his arrival should not overly alarm the demon monk.

He sped them in that direction. The sooner the three were on their way, the less chance to slip and break this fragile alliance. It had to hold until Ashikaga’s head left his body behind. That was what Mitsuhide focused on. Not the last look he’d shared with his little one. He couldn’t think about the tears in her eyes, or the way his heart felt torn in two when he considered leaving her behind.

“What are you doing here, kitsune?” Kennyo’s deep growl came from a shadowed walkway in front of a closed shop.

“Looking for you.”

The abbot stepped out into the moon’s silver glow. His scar was a black crevasse across his face, a crack in the universe through which hell could be seen. His eyes burned with a dark and lightless hate. “You came to betray me?”

“He came ta tell ya we’re leavin’! Time ta make tha shogun pay fer ruinin’ my fun.” Motonari put his hands on his hips and leaned back on his heels. “Ya comin’ er did ya decide ta tuck yer tail and go back ta prayin’?”

Kennyo growled, a low rumbled in his chest like distant thunder. “Demons do not pray, nor do good men pray for the deaths of others. If it is time, then let us go. In silence.”

Mitsuhide raised an eyebrow. “Do you need time to pack?”

“I have all my worldly possessions on me now. And what I need most is always to hand.” He tapped the bottom of his staff, and the dark street rang with the sound.

“Then I will meet you both at the edge of town when the moon touches the mountain tops.” Mitsuhide gave them a nod.

“Goin’ ta smooth things over with tha lady? Ya know if ya need some help, I -”

“Will be silent because your voice grates my nerves as surely as a stone in my sandal.” Kennyo interrupted Mouri with a grimace.

Mitsuhide gave the monk a look of gratitude before hurrying off to the inn.

His little one was gathering the last of his things when he arrived. And seemed in much better spirits. She even smiled as he came in, though there was still an edge of sadness to it. “Everything is packed and ready to go.”

“Good. Mouri will be sending people for the guns tomorrow. Be ready.”

“I will.”

There were a thousand things he wanted to say in that moment. Promises he couldn’t keep. Words of love that would only make it hurt more to be apart. Mitsuhide was good at speaking - when he was playing a role. When it was the truth of his own heart, he found it hard to put the feelings into words. He was no poet. Not like Yoshimoto.

His eyes went to the floor, where the letter had fallen. It wasn’t there anymore, but he spotted the creased paper soon enough. Sitting on the desk, open. Was that the reason for her mood? Had Yoshimoto’s poetries cheered her where he could only seem to make her cry?

In silence, he picked up his things and together, they went to saddle the horses. They, at least, seemed happy to finally be traveling somewhere. Being cooped up in the stables was hard on war-trained mounts.

“Can I come with you? As far as the meeting point?”

Mitsuhide nodded. “Of course.” He couldn’t help the bitter twist to his smile. “I wouldn’t deny you that.”

Neither of them said much on the ride through town. The air felt heavy, and it seemed wrong to push sound out into that darkness. Though unspoken words churned in his chest.

The chatelaine looked lost in thought as she rode. Her posture in the saddle, relaxed. Her eyes forward, looking at some distant point and trusting her mount to navigate the empty streets. It made Mitsuhide proud to see how far she’d come. How much she learned. He held back the compliment though, worried what other words would escape with it, should he speak.

Soon enough, they passed the city gates. The last of the dim torchlight fell behind them, and ahead lay only rolling fields and an endless expanse of stars. Mitsuhide felt lost in it. He had messed this up, as he’d known he would. Giving his love only tears. If Yoshimoto could make her smile with only words on a paper . . . perhaps . . .

The dark figures of Motonari and Kennyo took shape in the darkness ahead. Their horses stood in the field nearby, heads down and grazing. Mitsuhide stopped as they got close enough to make out their allies’ faces. He turned to his little one, feeling brittle like rusted iron. “This is as far as you may come. Turn your horse and go back to the inn.”

Not the parting words of a lover but right now he couldn’t trust himself to be himself. He needed this mask. The kitsune warlord, heartless and cold. It would hold him together. It had to.

“I will.”

Motonari scoffed. “Is that all yer gonna say? Ya know, in tha west they kiss to say goodbye. Ya should try it! Maybe slip her some tongue -”

“Keep your vulgar thoughts to yourself,” Kennyo rumbled. “Your bellowing is disturbing the horses.” He threw the pirate an icy glare. Without looking away from Mouri, he said, “Mitsuhide - we will go on ahead. Do not keep us waiting.” Then he grabbed Mouri’s arm and pulled him toward their mounts.

Mitsuhide didn’t know if he should be grateful or resentful of the courtesy. Now he was alone with his love, and his heart trembled near to shattering. Conflicting emotions tore at him. Jealousy and worry, love, anxiety, doubt . . . he couldn’t let any of it show.

His little one dismounted, beckoning for him to follow. Reluctantly, he did.

Her face was angelic in the starlight. Like a spirit. The silver moon shone in her eyes as she looked up at him. “Mitsuhide, I want you to have this.”

It was hard to look away from her beauty to see what she held. When he did, his eyes widened. “This -!” The bellflower hairpin. He felt stunned, frozen in place. What did this mean? Why? His gaze lifted to meet hers.

She reached for him with her empty hand and touched his cheek. “This is my prayer for victory. Kyubei told me that’s what it symbolizes.” She pressed it into his hand. “I want you to keep it with you while we are apart. Don’t lose it though! It’s my only precious bellflower.”

Her smile was radiant.

“You are a wonder.” Mitsuhide could not stop a tear escaping his eyes, but she wiped it away with her thumb before it could fall. “I thought . . . I thought you would wish me goodbye in tears. Or -” Or tell him she’d had enough of this life, that the shadows around him were more than she could take.

His little mouse nodded. “I might have but I came to a few decisions about myself. Most importantly, that I’m tough enough to be by your side no matter what.”

He blinked. “You . . . decided that as you packed? And . . . read that letter?”

“Yep.” She laughed softly. “It’s funny, actually. I was beginning to doubt myself. I am not the kind of strong you are. I am not a warrior. But I am strong like me - you taught me that. To trust myself and my ideals.”

Her eyes were so warm, and Mitsuhide felt himself leaning into her touch.

“That letter from Yoshimoto reminded me of the things I’ve done. And all the lessons you taught me so that I could survive in this world. We make each other stronger.”

Mitsuhide put his arms around her, still holding the bellflower hairpin tightly. “All of that, you decided in such a short time, hm?”

She laughed again and nuzzled his chest. “It was already inside me, I’d just forgotten how to use it. And now I can access that strength when I need to.”

He stroked her hair, enjoying the closeness. His heartbeat was thundering in his chest, but the anxiety was fading. Leaving behind it only his love for her and the promise of a life together. How had he lost sight of that, even for a moment?

“I want you to remember your strength too. You don’t need to burn yourself out to protect me. Use your strength to fight your hardest. I will be here, waiting for you. Safe.”

Mitsuhide whispered her name into the night, full of his love for her. His heart in each syllable.

“Make sure you come back to me, Mitsuhide.”

His lips curled up in a genuine smile. “You surprised me again, little one.” He pulled away enough to see her expression. “Instead of tears, my weepy little mouse wishes me good fortune. With a smile like the sun.”

“Hey! Did you call me weepy?” Her laughter rang out, fierce and full of joy. “I’ll make you weep for that!”

“Mmm, and it is that fiery tongue and heart that never breaks that made me fall in love with you. Thank you for reminding me.” He tucked the bellflower beneath his armor to keep it safe. Then lifted her hand to his lips to press a kiss to her wrist, feeling the beat of her heart through her warm skin. It matched the rhythm of his own.

She shivered at the touch and her cheeks pinked. A reaction he loved to see. It made him wish for homecoming sooner rather than later.

“You’ve shown me resolve, beloved. And as your future husband, I must show you I can do at least as much. I will return to you.”

His little one studied his face for a moment, her eyes bright. “I love you.”

“You should save those words for my return.” He felt his grin widen but he couldn’t help himself. “Because when I do, I will give you cause to say them so much that you grow tired of repeating yourself.”

He pulled her close once more, wanting to feel her warmth a little longer. Only knowing that Kennyo and Motonari stood a little ways off stopped him from doing more than holding her. “I promise you,” he said softly, his breath tickling her ear, “when I return, I will tease you mercilessly. I will tease you until all you can think of is my touch. And I still won’t stop . . .”

She took a deep, trembling breath. “I am looking forward to it. And you know . . . you aren’t the only one that can tease!” Then she stepped back. “I should let you leave. Good luck, Mitsuhide.”

His smile held his gratitude and love. With one last wave, he watched her mount her horse and turn back for the city gates.

“That’s one wide grin yer wearin’” Motonari chuckled as he approached. “Ya slipped her some -”

Kennyo’s growl cut him off before he could finish. “Speed and silence.”

“Yes, let’s not keep the shogun waiting,” Mitsuhide agreed. He should have been tired, but he felt full of vigor. This would not be easy - but he knew they could do it.

The three men mounted and rode into the night.

Next: Siege

[chuckbass-love]

Any interest in writing a fic where Chris cheats on his girlfriend/ wife and how they work through it. Also his family being involved in the fic.

I rarely see fics with Chris cheating, so of course i’ll write this. I just knowwwww Lisa would give that man child hell for it. I include lyrics from the song Battle Scars by Lupe Fiasco and Guy Sebastian, they are in italics.

I really hope you love this...

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Cheating, angst and sad themes pretty much. 

Word Count: 5,836

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @voyevoda-thejoy go check them out 💙

Get Through This

You strut into the kitchen of the house you share with your husband Chris, ready to make dinner for the two of you. It’s valentines day and you’ve not seen him for months. He’s been filming and as much as you were aware of what his job entailed, you still get upset whenever he has to leave. But after this project, he’s all yours and Dodgers for a while. You can’t wait.

He texted you to let you know that he’d be home in just under an hour, enough time to start on dinner. 

The table is set, you’re already in a sexy outfit, hidden underneath your silk dressing gown. He’s going to have the best welcome home gift ever and you just know he’s going to be all over you like a rash.

The pasta is cooking so you start on the sauce next, trying your hardest not to fuck this up. He sent god knows how many texts about how much he’s missed your cooking and you want it to perfect for him. He deserves nothing but the best.

As you’re stirring the sauce, your phone goes off, it’s Instagram and then next thing you know. You get a ton of Twitter notifications too. Way too many for your liking. 

You unlock the phone and check Twitter first, seeing as you have the most notifications for that. 

But once you open the messages that are all from the same account. You almost drop your phone at the images on your screen. 

Of Chris.

Kissing another woman. His hands around her waist. You feel sick, numb, broken and stupid. 

He’s your husband. 

Why is he doing this?

I wish i never looked 

I wish i never touched

I wish that i could stop loving you so much

You drop the phone on the kitchen counter and rush over to the sink to be sick. It’s not stopping, you can’t stop it. The thought of him with another woman that’s not you, the thought of him kissing or touching another makes you’re whole body turn cold. The puking continues as more questions and thoughts riddle your brain. 

‘who is she?’

‘why would he do this to you?’

‘how long has it been going on?’

‘how did it start?’

‘is there more to it other than kissing?’

You stand upright, taking a paper towel and using it to wipe your mouth as you try to keep the puke at bay. 

He’s going to be home soon. What the fuck do you even say to him?

You pick the phone back up to see if there was even a message attached to the pictures but there wasn’t. So you go to Instagram to check that, it’s a different account, with the same pictures.

Multiple people have these images. Multiple people know about his actions. What if they end up online? What about your family? His family? What if they see them too?

You try to calm your breathing, your heart is pounding. You can’t stop it, you grip onto the counter, one hand over your chest, as if that will somehow stop the feeling of your heart practically beating it’s way out of your chest. Like somehow it’ll make this all go away.

This robe is way too tight. You struggle to undo it, fiddling with it, your hands are shaky, your breathing turns more erratic. You turn the stove off, rushing upstairs seconds after and into the bedroom you share with your husband.

The same husband that you once trusted with your heart and life. The same husband that you never ever imagined doing this to you but then again, who ever thinks that their partner will ever do this to them? Exactly, it’s always unexpected. 

This has to be a dream, right?

This isn’t like him, this isn’t Chris. Or at least not the Chris you know and love. The Chris you married.

There has to be some kind of explanation right?

No. Stop this Y/N

Cause i’m the only one that’s trying to keep us together

When all of the signs say that i should forget him

There is no explanation for this. No explanation he could possibly give you for kissing another woman and possibly sleeping with her. He looks way too cosy for this to be just a kiss.

There’s more to this. 

You run into the walk in closet, ripping your clothes from their hangers in a panic. Tears fill your eyes and fall down your face. You can’t stop this, the feeling of hurt and betrayal, the pain that fills your body to the brim, drowning you. You feel on the edge of a tall building right now. Like the smallest of movements could happen and you would just fall to the ground. 

You change quickly before you pack everything that you can, everything that belongs to you, your clothes, underwear, toothbrush, skin care shit, make-up. The lot. You pack two suitcases and a duffle bag and that’s only the stuff you need right now. You can always get the rest if you need to. You can’t stay here any longer than you need to though.

But first, you need to face him.

“Honey?” you hear, the familiar Bostonian accent echos through the house as the door slams shut and all of a sudden, there he is in the doorway. 

“Something smells delicious, are you cooking?” he smiles, a fake smile no doubt. Bet he’d rather be with her.

I wish you weren’t the best

The best i ever had

I wish that the good outweighed the bad

You stand there, ignoring his question for a couple seconds as your gaze drops to the screen of your phone. You click on the images and slide the phone over to him. He walks closer “what’s this honey?” and he goes to talk again but soon stops when he realises what they are. 

“Baby, i-i can explain”

“Don’t even bother” 

He walks around the kitchen island to you and you move the bags out the way so that they are in his eye line. He glances over them “what’s all this? Are you leaving me? Please, don’t i can explain all of this?”

As hard as you try not to, you start to cry again. Through the blurred vision, you see him wipe at his face, is he seriously crying too? He’s the one that cheated.

“Don’t start acting like you’re the one upset here Chris. You did this to me, remember?”

“I didn’t mean for anything to happen, i got caught up. It’s no excuse but i really am sorry”

“How long?” you mutter through gritted teeth, not even caring how nasty you sound right now “it was only the once” lies. All lies.

“Don’t fucking lie to me”

He takes a step back, holding his hands up in surrender and as soon as he does, Dodger comes running into the room, jumping up Chris and trying to get attention. He bends down, fussing the excited pup that has clearly missed his daddy. 

“Dodge, boo boo” he coos, letting him lick his face. A sight that not even an hour ago would have made your heart melt, a sight that would have been filmed by you for sure and posted on your Instagram for his fans to see.

Once he calms the dog down, he stands up to look at you.

“Can we please just talk this over? Please. I want to sort this”

“What is there to sort Chris? You were with someone else. How many times did you see her? What did you do with her? Is she better than me huh? Can she give you things that i can’t? ANSWER ME DAMMIT”

He jumps at the change in your voice, the shouting. It’s not like you. You’re the most calm person he knows, the one person who he’d say if you were any more laid back then you’d probably fall over. But not this time. You really are mad, which rightly so. He’s hurt you like no one else ever has. 

The man who vowed to love you until death has cheated on you.

I wish i couldn’t feel 

I wish i couldn’t love

I wish that i could stop cause it hurts so much

You pick your bags up and shove past him as he tries to answer but fails. 

That’s when he grabs a hold of your wrist to stop you in your tracks.

“I saw her once only, it was on a weekend when i had a break from filming. It wasn’t anymore than that. I promise, i give you my word. It was just that once” he sighs, loosening his grip and letting your wrist go as you stand back to back.

“We just kissed at first, it was a one off kiss. She made the move on me, we were drinking, near my trailer, she was working on the set of the movie. She was assisting the wardrobe department. I kissed her back the second time she made a pass and it got a bit heated but i stopped it”

You feel sick again. Like you could vomit right now just from his explanation.

“Then the third time, i let myself get carried away. We went back to her hotel room and kissed some more, she got on top of me and we got undressed” he stops the story, hearing you sob the way you are right now makes his heart ache.

“We had sex. She started kissing my neck, she was touching me down there and I’m sorry, i’m so sorry honey. I didn’t, i didn’t mean for it to happen. i didn’t mean to lie for so long. She’s not better than you, no woman could ever be better than you” he turns around and so do you, the hurt in his eyes is clear.

“She can’t offer me anything Y/N. I want you, i love you. You’re everything to me. This has eaten away at me for months. I’m so sorry, please don’t leave me”

“Chris” you turn your head, unable to look at him right now. 

“Please, Y/N please” he takes your hands in his, squeezing them as if that is going to make you stay.

You just shake your head, ripping them from his grip.

“I can’t, Chris. I need to go” 

This is hard enough as it is and he’s making it ten times more difficult to leave. This man in front of you, isn’t even recognisable anymore. He’s not the man you married, the man you’ve been with for 10 years. The man you were so close to starting a family with.

That man is gone.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, i didn’t mean for it to happen”

He gets down on his knees, begging for your forgiveness, for you to not walk out of that door.

“I believe that you didn’t mean for it to happen and i believe that you love me but you still let it happen Chris and i just, i can’t be here right now” you pick the bags up and walk away from him but as you get to the door, you hear him crying, not just the regular kind. No. He’s screaming crying, like his heart has just been ripped from his chest, like he knows the mistake he made. 

But does that matter? Does any of that matter now? He still did it.

You open the door and slam it shut, leaving him sat there on the floor.

He knows that this is all his own doing. 

He didn’t mean for it to happen, he was intoxicated and it was all a mistake. He feels empty, without you here. Without your love, your kiss, your touch. He feels completely broken.

You on the other hand are breaking down, in the car, on the way to your sisters house, trying your hardest to keep your eyes on the road. It’s probably not the best idea to drive in your state but you had to get out. You couldn’t have waited around for an Uber. No chance. 

If you stayed any longer, your weak ass would have crumbled in front of him and taken him back. 

And you can’t let that happen right now. You have to respect yourself and your space. Regardless of how much he regrets it, he was still with another woman and that’s not right.

You pull up outside of your sisters house, unannounced. 

You knock the door with your shaky hand, trying to keep the tears back but they fall before she even answers and when she does. You sob, falling into her arms.

She squeezes you tight before breaking away to see your bags, it’s like she knows what’s happened without even needing to ask you.

She guides you inside, sitting you down before taking your bags and leaving them by the staircase. 

You don’t know how you are going to explain everything to her, this is not going to be easy.

--------------------

She rubs your arm as you finish talking, her husband strolls in with a cup of tea for you and you sit there hoping it’ll make everything suddenly become fake. Like it was a dream and you’d snap out of this daze. But you don’t. 

The first sip shocks you as the hot beverage burns your tongue. You’re definitely going to need something stronger.

An hour passes, you cry some more and eventually the tea turns to wine. 

One drink down and you’re rendering on angry now. You can’t control the constant switch in your behaviour because after the second glass, you’re back to the crying again. 

You get to your fifth glass and you’re slurring your words.

That’s when your phone rings, you hear the muffled ring tone so you search in your duffle bag to find it, pulling it out to find that it’s Lisa. Chris’s mother. 

“Answer it” your sister instructs, nodding her head towards the phone.

“Hi Lisa” you muster up the best fake happy voice you can “hi sweetie, is Chris back yet? Because we were all wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner, i’m making a cake for deserts and it’ll be nice to see him”

“Um, he’s back. He got back a couple of hours ago now”

“Are you both free to come by?”

“I’m kinda busy at the moment, you’ll have to ring Chris to see if he’s free” 

Your voice cracks at the end of the sentence, you pray to god that she doesn’t notice but of course, she does.

“What’s wrong sweetie? Where are you, i thought you’d be with him?”

“I’m at my sisters, um. I-” you can’t even finish, Alex takes your phone, raising it to her ear to speak to her for you.

“Hi Lisa, it’s Alex”

“What’s going on?” you can hear her voice despite it not being on speakerphone “it’s Chris, Y/N, received images of him with another woman, he admitted to her that he slept with someone else whilst he was away”

The line goes dead, she hung up. 

Alex, pulls you into her arms once again, cradling you as you let it all out. 

She doesn’t know how to fix you, she wishes she could magically take your pain away. But she can’t. This can’t be fixed by anyone else other than you and Chris. But even then, it would take a lot for you to ever forgive him.

Meanwhile back at your house, Chris is still on the floor. Dodger sits next to him, wagging his tail.

Then a door knocks.

He forces himself up and back onto his feet, dragging them over to go answer it and when he sees his mother, he knows. The look on her face says it all. She pushes past him, making her way into the living room. 

“Ma, i can explain”

“How could you do that to her, Chris. I raised you better than that. To even look at another woman like that is wrong let alone kissing and having sex”

“I know. Ma. It didn’t mean anything. She was nothing to me. I was drunk, i got carried away, i was missing Y/N so much”

“No excuses Chris, you’ve messed up. I can’t believe you. I’m so disappointed and confused. You’re a grown man, a married man”

“I know” 

“You need to fix this, prove to her that you love her and that it won’t happen again. Because right now, she’s at her sisters house, barely able to get her words out”

He looks down, not able to even give direct eye contact to the woman who raised him, the woman who taught him right from wrong. She didn’t raise no cheater or no quitter.

She raised a boy to a man who knew how to respect everyone around him, how to treat a lady, how to carry himself. A man who wears his heart on his sleeve and loves with everything in his body. A man who is sensitive yet strong.

“She won’t forgive me ma, i’ve fucked it. I can’t lose her”

“Right now, you need to give her space, let her breathe, but once she’s had that, she’ll have calmed down and maybe she’ll hear you out. But you need to work for this son, this won’t come easily. Remember what i’ve always told you?”

“Nothing good or worth fighting for, comes easy”

She leans in, opening her arms for her broken son, soothing him with ‘sh, it’s going to be okay’s’ and ‘i got you’s’

--------------------

“Could you ever see yourself forgiving him?”

You go to respond but you’re mind keeps on replaying all the things he said before you left, that he didn’t mean it and she meant nothing.

“I don’t know. I love him so much Al. He’s my husband. Of course i want to fight for this but i don’t know if i’m strong enough”

“If there’s one thing i’ve realised over the years, when it comes to you and Chris. There’s nothing the two of you can’t do. No obstacle that you can’t face together. He made a mistake which granted was wrong and horrible and there’s no doubt in my mind that he genuinely got caught up with drinking. But he loves you, i know he does. You just need to ask yourself if you could even try to move on”

Her words have you all in your head, wondering if you can. Could you?

He slept with her, he kissed her, saw her naked. Is that forgivable? He cheated, touched another woman, kissed another woman, undressed another woman.

You’re going to need a couple of days to think, clear your head.

Lisa makes her way over to your sisters place, not caring how fast she’s driving. You need her now more than ever. She might only be your mother in law but since you lost your own mom. She’s made sure to check on you more, spend more time with you. 

You’re her third daughter and she adores you.

“Oh sweetie, come here” Alex’s husband, lets her in and she sees your tear stained face. 

You grip onto her so tight, like she’s the only thing keeping you glued together.

“I went to see him”

You motion for her to continue “he’s not good. He’s in a bad way, i know he’s messed up Y/N. And believe me, he knows that too. He told me what he did, everything. He knows it was wrong and how mad i am at him, how upset i am with him. But he loves you, so much. You’re everything to him, he wants to work through it”

“I want to work through it too but i’m scared, scared that he’ll do it again”

“After how i just saw him, i’ve never seen him that distraught, he loves you. It was a drunken mistake and it didn’t mean anything to him”

“Nothing good or worth fighting for ever comes easy”

It’s her little phrase, if you will. She always says it, whenever one of us is upset or going through a hard time. Whenever we can’t find the strength, she comes around, speaking words of wisdom and easing us.

“I think what you need now is space. Think things over, he’s willing to wait until you’re ready to talk” 

She spends some time with you, talking it over with you and Alex. Going over the details of what he did is her way of healing you. You need to be able to talk about it out loud before you face him because if you can’t then you’re going to struggle when it comes down to it.

“He said he missed you so much, that’s why he was drinking and got caught up” more tears brim in your eyes “i love him so much Lisa” her sympathetic smile comes out “and he loves you sweetie, more than you know”

Maybe her advice is what’s best for now. You need space.

Eventually, she leaves, giving you a hug before letting you get some rest.

You get changed after a shower and head to the guest room to sleep. 

Tomorrow is just another day of thinking and crying.

---------------------

It’s been 2 full days now and as you lay in bed, preparing to sleep before the third day starts, you check your phone to find a text from him.

‘I know i should leave you to it right now, give you space but you need to know this. 

When i first met you, you came into my life at a time where i had pretty much given up all hope when it came to love, i was certain that i was doomed and bound to end up alone forever. And then i met you and everything fell into place.

I was certain from the first date, that you were the one. Sounds pretty cliche when i come to think of it, but it’s true. I just knew.

You weren’t like other women, you still aren’t. You don’t doll yourself up all of the time, you prefer to keep the natural look, which i also prefer. You don’t try too hard, you’re effortlessly funny and beautiful.

You’re sarcastic but serious.

Everything about you just made me fall deeper, i couldn’t stop myself and as scared as i was, i didn’t want to stop it. I was relishing in the feeling of how i felt around you. How happy and unstoppable i felt. Like i could achieve anything with you around. 

You are the only woman i’ve ever loved that quickly. Normally love takes time but with you it didn’t. I had no trouble. It was like loving you came so naturally to me, like it was second nature.

Whilst i was away filming, i missed you so much and it had only been a couple weeks, i didn’t want to bother you too much, which is no excuse for how i acted but even so. I let myself get carried away with another woman who at a time of loneliness, gave me attention. It wasn’t right, it was wrong, so wrong and it’s forever going to remain the biggest mistake of my life.

I never wanted to hurt you, but i did. I’m supposed to be your husband, you’re supposed to be able to trust me and yet i snapped that trust into a million pieces. I let you down, i made you cry, i made you question who i was and why you even married me. I made myself unrecognisable in your eyes and that thought alone, makes me sick to my stomach, it makes me angry. Angry at who i let myself become.

Because i wasn’t raised to treat women that way. 

But you know as well as i do that it was nothing but a drunken mistake, a mistake that for as long as you’ll let me, i’ll spend forever trying to make up for. 

You mean too much to me for me to let it go. You’re my whole world. You make me the happiest man alive, you make every day worth living to the fullest. You make me a better person.

Y/N, i love you, it was once and it will never happen again. I want to make this work. I’m not asking for you to forgive me right this second and run back to my arms but even if it’s just a talk at first. One step at a time, i’m here and i want to make it work.

I love you with all my heart, honey. I want you back. I want to prove to you that you can trust me. I want to try. Anyway, you should get some sleep, i’ll see you whenever you’re ready. Love you x’

You wipe away the tears that fell whilst reading his message.

He’s never done anything like that before, whenever you’ve had a fight, he’s emotional and apologetic and he tries to make it right but right now. You’re seeing a different side to him.

You want nothing more than to go back home now. Slip into bed with him and have him wrap his arms around you tight, kiss your forehead and whisper sweet nothings into your ear until you fall asleep but you can’t. 

Maybe in a couple of days.

-------------------

You sip at your coffee, staring into space, your mind going over everything that you want to say to him.

You’ve decided that today is the day. After 3 days apart, you’re going to talk to him. 

It’s time.

You snap out of the daze, thanks to Alex clicking her fingers and asking some questions about breakfast to which you decline. You can’t even think about eating right now. It’s the last thing on your mind.

“I think i’m gonna head out”

“Are you sure you wanna do this today? There’s no time limit Y/N”

“No, i want to do this”

She hugs you goodbye, letting you know that you’re welcome to return afterwards, an offer you accept. Even if this chat goes well, you can’t just sleep there tonight, you’ll still need more space.

You get into your car and let out a deep breath that you’ve held in for days, it’s been making you tense. A feeling you still have and can’t shake, it’s weighing you down. The stress.

It doesn’t take long to get back home. You park up and let yourself in the house, you spot the mail on the floor so you bend down to pick it up and as you stand, he’s stood there, in nothing but his boxers. He’s just woken up.

“I didn’t think i’d see you for a long time” he mumbles, looking down at his bare feet “yeah well, we have a lot to talk about” he nods, gesturing for you to lead the way to the lounge.

You both sit down after he makes you a drink. Neither of you really say a word, just sitting there in silence for a couple of minutes. 

But eventually he breaks it.

“I’m sorry. I know those words get tossed around a lot like they don’t mean a thing but they do to me and i’m so so sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean what i did and you didn’t deserve what i did. It was a mistake and i want to prove that it was a mistake and that i love you and only you”

“But how do you expect us to move past this Chris, to move forward?” a serious question that he looks dumbfounded by “i don’t expect anything Y/N. But to answer your question, i think that with time, talking and working together, we can do this, we can move forward”

“But how? How can that ever happen? And why should i agree to that?”

“Because i’m your husband, i’ve not acted like that lately but i am. I’m your husband and i love you and i swear to you right now that it’ll never happen again”

He glances over at you, resting his hand on yours and you hold it, letting him in a little.

“I love you too” 

Your way of letting him know that his wife hasn’t left him, his wife is still here. You’re still here.

“Do you want me? Do you want to work to fix this, to let me fix this?”

“I do”

You shock yourself with your response. It’s not the route that everyone would take. Most women would leave, never look back and do better. But this is different. You’re married to this man, you’ve spent 10 years building a life with this man, preparing to start a family. You can’t give up so easily. Even if it isn’t the way everyone else would handle it. 

After all though, even Alex said it. There is nothing you and Chris can’t get through.

You’ve had many ups and downs, more than a rollercoaster has but you pushed through. 

Like the time that you almost broke up after a year, because long distance just wasn’t working. You were both struggling. He was away filming for Marvel and you were living in London, getting your degree. 

Eventually though, you decided that you loved each other too much to throw it away. 

Or the time that your mom passed and you were turning your back on everyone who cared for you. Snapping at Chris way more than usual. You said some harsh words to him one day and he didn’t speak to you for days. He was mad. Hurt. 

And of course there have been more occasions where you’ve argued or had limits tested, buttons pushed. But it was always saved. This isn’t a lost cause now either, it can be fixed.

“I hope you can forgive me”

“I can’t promise anything Chris. But i can try to work it out”

He rests his forehead to yours, the pair of you sigh before he presses a kiss to your lips. 

A kiss that makes your body shiver, the fireworks are still there. His love, it’s still there. It might actually all be okay. Soon.

----------------------

* A year later*

You take a seat on the comfortable chair, for the last time. A mixture of feelings fill your body. Nerves, happiness, hope and optimism. 

“I understand that today is our last session, how do you feel these sessions have gone. Chris?”

“I think that they’ve gone well. They’ve certainly helped us. I feel that i’m slowly gaining trust back”

“How about you Y/N?”

“I couldn’t agree more. It’s definitely been a hard journey but a positive one nonetheless. It’s helped with getting a more in depth look as to why he cheated. I certainly feel more at ease with him now”

If someone would have suggested marriage counselling to you just weeks after Chris cheated, you’d have laughed at them and said no way. But you don’t know why you’d have done that when it’s seemed to work wonders for the two of you.

After that talk a year ago. You went back to your sisters, took more time for yourself and eventually he asked you out, on a date. He wanted to start over, spend time with you and get to know you as if it was the first time all over again.

But once you worked your way into you moving back in, Lisa suggested marriage therapy. And now you’re on your last visit. You definitely trust him more now than what you did before. Because you’ve had time to spend more hours together, more time off work to bond all over again. 

“Where are you at now, in your mindset?”

“I’m at the stage of trusting him again, slowly but surely it’s happening. I forgive him. I forgive his mistakes and i forgive myself too, for taking him back. Because i think for so long i beat myself up about it but i realise that i’m human, he’s my husband and to let him go would never have been easy. But i’m glad i didn’t, i’m glad i stuck with him and i feel like we’ve come out the other side stronger”

“I couldn’t agree more” Chris says as she turns to him, raising her brow as if to ask him the same question.

“I forgive myself too, for doing what i did and i let it go, i’ve stopped letting it weigh me down. We’re doing okay, it’s nowhere near where we want to be or how we used to be but we’re getting there, one day at a time”

The session eventually ends, leaving you feeling very weird. Like it’s the end of a chapter. 

The first proper start to the rest of your lives, after everything. 

And you’re feeling very positive about the future. As is he. You see a future, there are rainbows at the end of dark times and it’s possible. Anything is possible when you work together as a team.

“I love you” he says as you both get into his car, before he turns the key in the ignition.

“I love you too Chris”

“We’re going to be okay aren’t we?”

“We are”

---------------------

General Tag List: @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @chris-butt @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @adriannajackson @dummiesshort @cevans-fics @americasass91 @toni9 @aaliferouss @bradfordmyworld 

Just Chris & His Characters Tag List: @onetwo3000 @persephonequeenofthedead @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @rynabarnesrogers @princess-evans-addict @stxvercgersslut @chris-evanslover @bval-1 

[reinerispretty]

rotations. (zuko x f!reader) ch. 11

hello hello hello!! thank you all so much for reading my fic, it really means the world to me! i never thought i’d see this many people enjoy something i wrote, so i want you guys to know that i appreciate each and every one of you and i see every single one of your comments and they make me smile so big!!! i hope you’re all having a great day :)

pt 1

pt 10

pt 12

The door to her cell opened and she had to squint against the bright light of civilization. It took her eyes a few moments to adjust to the change before she recognized the shadowy figures that stood in front of her. “Mom?” She asked. “Dad?” 

The cement walls of the cells were covered in years of dirt and dust. The little light that filtered through the window at the very top of the wall illuminated the room just enough so that one could see their hand in front of their face. The floor of her cell was dirt, which she supposed was a benefit, as she didn’t have a bed. 

(Y/N) spent most of her days in solitude. Occasionally, a guard would come in and toss her meals on the floor. They had no problem being unkind to her. They reminded her that she was a traitor to her people, a worthless and groveling little girl that used others for her own advantages. They called her names, threw food at her, and reminded her that she would be spending the rest of her life in this wretched place. 

After Katara fled with Aang, she and Iroh had been captured in Ba Sing Se. Their hands and feet were placed in shackles to prevent them from bending. Azula herself had thrown her into her cell on the ship that they would use to travel back to the Fire Nation. The girl spit at her from outside the cell bars before shutting the door behind her. That was the last time (Y/N) had seen anyone she recognized.

She wasn’t sure how many days she had been in prison. They all melted together when she tried to think about it. The only thing she knew was that the guards woke her up when it was time to wake up. 

It was a long time before she received her first visitors. She was sat at the back of the cell against the wall, replaying all the good times that she had had with her friends in her mind. Pushing Aang into the river on accident, teaching Toph how to do a cartwheel, and hunting and making dinner with Sokka and Katara were just a few of the things that popped into her mind. 

The door to her cell opened and she had to squint against the bright light of civilization. It took her eyes a few moments to adjust to the change before she recognized the shadowy figures that stood in front of her. “Mom?” She asked. “Dad?” 

Her parents looked down at her. She scrambled to her feet to come closer to the bars. She reached her hands out to touch them, but neither of them reached out to her. Her father’s face was one of anger and disgust. Her mother, surprisingly, just looked sad. 

“When I found out that you had betrayed us--betrayed your nation, I was in disbelief. You had always been such an obedient young girl. And then I find out that my daughter had released prisoners and run away with the Avatar.” Her father turned his nose up at her. “You deserve every single thing that has come to you. You’re lucky Fire Lord Ozai hasn’t imprisoned us all for your treachery.” 

(Y/N)’s fingers curled around the bars of her cell. “You’re in far too deep to ever understand,” she said. 

“What I understand is that my own daughter is a traitor and that I have no choice but to disown her from our family.” 

She stared at him in disbelief. “You would put the Fire Nation before me?” 

“I will always put the Fire Nation before you.” For the first time since she arrived at the prison, (Y/N) felt an emotion besides sadness overcome her: anger. 

“That is what’s wrong with you! Throughout my entire life, you’ve chosen everything but your wife and daughter. You think it’s for the good of the Fire Nation, but it’s not! The Fire Nation isn’t good. What they’re doing isn’t good! I’ve seen the destruction we’ve caused with my own two hands. I’ve watched it happen. You’re just a puppet who blindly follows the orders of a tyrannical monster. So fine, disown me! I haven’t wanted to be part of this family since Zuko’s Agni Kai.” 

Her father chuckled. “I had a feeling that’s where you had gone wrong. Your affection for the boy made you weak. You didn’t understand that that’s what needed to be done.”

“And my father needed to make me watch it, right? My father needed to hold my head to make sure that I didn’t turn away while I watched my closest friend--a child--be scarred by his father?” She shook her head. “You’re just as sick as the rest of them.” 

She moved away from the bars and sat down with her back against the wall. “You know, Dad, I actually feel sorry for you. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be so poisoned on the inside.” 

Her father had had enough. He was a man who hated pity and she knew this. Her words had dug deep. He turned and stormed out of the room. Her mother remained. 

“Are you going to disown me too?” She asked. 

Her mother stared at her for a long time. (Y/N) was surprised to see that as she moved closer, her mother was crying. She couldn’t remember her mother expressing any sort of emotion before. 

“My sweet girl,” her mother said, grabbing her hand through the cell bars. “I love you. I wish there was something I could do, but-” 

“It’s okay,” (Y/N) said softly. “I can keep myself safe. You do the same, okay?” Her mother nodded and kissed her hand before leaving the room. 

The encounter with her parents, although horrible, gave her hope. She would make it out of this prison if it was the last thing she did. And if Aang hadn’t survived, she would get rid of Ozai herself. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N) had been sleeping when she heard something fall to the floor. 

She sat up immediately, looking in every direction to see the source of the noise. The moon was high, but provided very little light into the cell. After feeling around for a few minutes, her hands finally scraped against a brick. She walked over to where it had fallen from and peered inside. 

“Can you hear me?” The voice almost made her scream in surprise. She covered her mouth before leaning close to the hole. She could see another cell on the other side, but she couldn’t see the person. 

“Who’s there?” She whispered back. 

“It’s me,” said the voice, a bit louder this time. She instantly recognized it. 

“Iroh!” She sighed happily. “You can’t understand how happy I am to hear you. How’d you know I was over here?” 

“There’s a nice guard lady who told me about you when I asked. She said you were doing well.” 

“As well as I can be, given...y’know.” Iroh hummed. 

“Listen. I have a plan.” (Y/N) felt her heart begin to race. “The Day of the Black Sun is in two days time. It only last for eight minutes, but we are going to break out.” 

“How are we going to do that?” 

“Follow my lead. And trust me.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The evening before the Day of the Black Sun, (Y/N) received another visitor. The door shut just as quickly as it opened, so she wasn’t even sure if there was anyone inside with her. Normally the guards left the door open if there were visitors. 

“Hello?” She called out. 

“(Y/N),” Zuko said. 

“Get out.” She didn’t hesitate to say it. “Get out right now or I’ll blast you to pieces.” 

“I know your bending doesn’t work in here.” 

“Fine. Then I’ll tear you to pieces. Leave. Now. I don’t want to talk to you.” 

“Would you just listen to me for a second?” 

“No! You don’t deserve my time. I thought you had changed.” 

“I have changed--” 

“Obviously not, Zuko, because one of us is in this cell and one of us isn’t.” She sat up the actually face him. He sat in front of the cell bars. He was wearing an imperial cloak. “I see you’ve been living fancy in the royal palace.” 

“If you would just shut your mouth for two seconds--” 

“Why? So you can tell me how awful I am? How horrendous it was of me to betray Azula to protect my friends? You want to tell me how good it is now that your Father doesn’t absolutely despise you anymore?”

“I didn’t come here to say any of that.” 

“Then why did you come here?” 

“I...Remember when you came to the tea shop in Ba Sing Se? And we talked and you told me all of those things about how despite everything I’d done, you still missed me?” 

“I take it all back,” she said decidedly. “That was back when I thought you were different. But you’re the same boy who’s let me down time and time again.” She turned away from him. “I trusted you, Zuko. I let myself believe you could really be different. And you know how I hate being wrong.” 

Zuko stood and walked out of her cell, slamming the door shut behind him. (Y/N) held in her tears. She would not let herself cry over Zuko anymore. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N) tried her hardest to wait during the Day of the Black Sun, but she was too excited. She tried her hardest to see out the window of her cell so that she could tell where the sun was, but it was impossible. Instead, she just paced along the dirt floor. 

She wondered where her friends were, at this very moment. How would she get back to them? She hoped they weren’t far. 

Suddenly, her cell went dark. She heard a commotion happening to her left and then the door to her cell was kicked in. A very buff-looking Iroh entered and bent her cell bars apart just enough so that she could slip through. “I see you haven’t been wasting your time here,” she commented, before the two of them darted down the halls of the prison. They encountered a few Fire Nation soldiers, but without their bending, they were absolutely useless against hand-to-hand combat. (Y/N) and Iroh quickly overpowered them and made their way outside. 

“Don’t look up!” Iroh shouted at her. He grabbed her hand and they ran as far away from the prison as they could. (Y/N) looked around and saw that the royal city had been completely emptied, no doubt to the bunker that extended underneath it. 

She and Iroh climbed over a hill and finally stopped to catch their breath. The clanging of swords against armor caught her attention and (Y/N) looked down to see Earth Kingdom and Water Tribe warriors fighting below them. She figured out instantly that this was the invasion and that meant that her friends must not be far away. 

“Come with me!” (Y/N) called to Iroh as she made her way down the slope. She turned to find him still standing at the top of the hill. 

“I must go another way. I will be alright. Go, reunite with your friends.” He gave her a big smile before disappearing on the other side of the hill. She didn’t hesitate. She ran down the hill, nearly breaking her ankles multiple times in the process, and ran up to the crowd surrounding the big hunk of armor that was undoubtedly Appa. 

“Hey!” She called out, waving her arms wildly. “Guys, it’s me!” 

Aang was the first one to notice her. He squinted his eyes to see who was running towards them. Once he realized, his face broke out into a big smile. “It’s (Y/N)!” He shouted. 

“(Y/N)?” Sokka exclaimed. He ran toward her and their bodies collided into a tight embrace. 

“You almost knocked me over,” (Y/N) laughed. Sokka pulled away and kissed her quickly. 

“I’m never, ever letting go again.” (Y/N) felt her face get hot but she had no time to hide it as she started getting bombarded by her friends. 

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” Katara sobbed into (Y/N). She held her friend tight, her own eyes pooling with tears. 

“Katara, it’s okay. I don’t blame you one bit. I’m the one who told you to go.” She turned to Aang and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “If I hadn’t, we wouldn’t have this guy around!” 

“You’re all squishing me!” Toph exclaimed. Somehow, the small girl had gotten herself in the middle of the group hug. (Y/N) grinned, pulling Toph close. 

“Toph! I thought I’d never be able to smell your stinky feet again!” Toph smiled and wrapped her arms around her midsection. 

“Don’t go getting imprisoned ever again,” Toph said. “You hear me?” 

(Y/N)’s cheeks hurt from how big she was smiling. “Alright Toph, but only since you asked.” 

---

I KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. JUST KEEP TRUSTING ME.

Tag List! 

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[boxofbadaddiction]

Careless

Fred Weasley x Reader

This story is inspired from a request of my F.R.I.E.N.D.S Themed Prompt List.

Prompts: 13, 19 & 23

"I'm so happy and not at all jealous."/"We had a deep and meaningful relationship/What was their last name?"/"I thought it mattered what I said or when I said it. Then I realised, all that matters is that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be."

Warnings: Swearing. War Scene - blood & injury. Angsty.

Y/n was trouble with a capital T. She was daring, confident, snarky and a massive Quidditch fan. In other words; she were Fred Weasleys perfect woman.

But it's not what you think, they were just friends. Chaotic, hell raising, perfect-for-each-other friends.

With the Twins and y/n around Hogwarts it were remarkable the Castle were still standing. But not for their lack of trying. After an especially careless prank, which left the Gryffindor Common Room with a new window, it's safe to say the threesome were there for one another through thick and thin.

Pranks however, weren't the only area in which Y/n, and Fred for that matter, were careless.

Both had the tendency to be rather frivolous in romantic relationships. It seemed like every other week the pair had a new partner on their arm. George liked to joke that, of all the people left in their age group, the only people they hadn't 'had a round' with were each other. The rumours, jokes or insults to character never bothered them though. They were young and weren't looking for anything serious - so what's the harm in having a little fun? That was y/ns reasoning anyway. It had been Freds as well...in the beginning. Until he were struck with a rather bracing realisation.

The reason why he rushed so fast into new relationships without a care wasn't so much 'for the fun of it' or genuine interest in the other, but denial. He were running and burying his head in the sand, or rather the bedsheets - as it were, to distract himself from the very chilling reality that he was desperately, hopelessly and unequivocally in love with his best friend. With y/n.

So after that particularly bitter pill to swallow, Fred's relations became a means to an end. A means of getting over her. Of finding someone to replace her.

It never worked, of course, because no other girl was her. No one made him laugh or smile like her. Nor did anyone get his heart racing like she did.

He did everything he could to bury his feelings; under piles of work, copious amounts of alcohol and an abundance of meaningless sex, and it genuinely seemed to be working...until the War came.

That walk into the Great Hall after the initial Battle is one Fred would never forget.

The smell; of death and destruction. The way his body ached and longed to rest.

Slowly limping through the destroyed arched doorway, accompanied by Percy - who's shoulders he'd drapped an arm across seeking support. They were talking with one another, throwing around light-hearted brotherly insults here and there, which helped keep Freds mind off the immense pain surging through his leg at the time, small smiles adorning their faces.

That's when they heard it.

A blood curdling scream. One of pure agony.

Their eyes shot directly to the source, on the far side of the room - where all the Weasleys were gathered around a body. A girls.

Arthur was holding tight onto Molly as she sobbed uncontrollably. Ron stood on the outskirts pale and afraid, while Bill and Charlie had a hold of Ginny in attempt to shield her. Fred's gaze flickered to where he saw George had knelt beside the body.

He was gripping one of her hands as his other tried desperately to keep her still on the floor while she writhed and cried out in pain.

She were covered in blood as Madam Pomfrey worked frantically to mend the severe wounds in her abdomen, where shards of debris protruded from her flesh.

The cry had been caused from the extraction of a particularly large shard, of what Fred didn't know.

George was running a tender hand over y/ns head, gently stroking her hair and the sides of her face as he whispered soothing sounds and comforting words in her ear.

Fred didn't know how long he'd stood there, staring in shock, he'd felt petrified - numb to everything but the fear coursing through his veins. Till suddenly his feet were moving.

A first painful step, which nearly crippled him, was followed by an equally sore but determined second. Then a third, and before he knew it he was running. Sprinting as fast as he could regardless of the pain it inflicted, nothing could stop him from reaching her side.

Barging past friends and family members he collapsed on Georges otherside. Eyes raking the ever paling and blood covered woman laid before him. George was shaking as he looked to his brother with tear-filled eyes but Freds stare was unwavering.

Somehow mustering the strength he spoke the only words playing through his mind, "What can I do?" His eyes never left y/ns wound, above which Pomfreys hands hovered as she worked.

"Fred?" Y/n cried through deep breaths, her head turning to the side in an attempt to see him. "I'm here, Sweetheart." He placed a hand to her knee. Her eyes were screwed tight shut as she threw her head back against the hard, cold floor. Tears parted tracks through the thick dust and muck plastered to her cheeks as she clenched her jaw inhaling sharply as the next piece of debris was removed - a relatively small piece in comparison to the earlier one. George continued to soothe his friend as Pomfrey instructed Fred on what to do.

They wished everything had gotten better from there. That after they successfully removed all the debris and stopped the blood from further pouring from her body that she'd been able to recover simply. But news only seemed to get worse once they reached St Mungo's.

She'd fallen into a coma. Y/n had suffered severe internal injuries and the Healers never held out much hope that she'd survive.

Y/n always was full of surprises.

She'd come out of her coma and began showing signs she could yet make a recovery. No one could have possibly anticipated the day healers would begin talk of rehab. They considered it a miracle she were even breathing.

Naturally the Twins were there every step of the way. Especially Fred. There were whole nights, even before she'd regained consciousness, where he'd spend every minute by her bedside. Nights he'd spend working tirelessly in the shops office to perfect ideas they'd concocted to help ease and enhance y/ns physical therapy. Inventions that worked so well Healers from all over were lining up to get their hands on, after seeing how successful y/ns recovery were as a direct result of their products. Hell, most days you couldn't even tell she'd been through a war - her scars the only physical reminder, to the untrained eye.

There were no doubt left in Freds body after that. He loved her with every part of his soul and that was never going to change, and so his involvement in the dating scene became virtually non-existent.

Y/ns on the other hand...well some things don’t change.

She was given a second chance and wasn't about to waste it worrying about what 'could' have happened. Life were too short for that. She did, however, start keeping an eye out for 'Mr/Mrs Right' during her rendezvous'.

Fred tried his hardest to be supportive. Opting rather to love her from the sidelines than risk hurting their relationship by getting his hands dirty and playing the game. After Y/ns most recent conquest however his happy facade may officially be waning.

It was just past sunset in Diagon Alley and so Weasleys Wizard Wheezes, much like all the other stores, were going through their nightly closing routine.

Fred was working through the registers whilst, much to his dismay, George were left to the Twins least favourite chore - cleaning and restocking the store.

That's when the front door burst open.

"Evening, Boys!" Y/n announced happily as she strode into the store. "Fred! I told you to lock the door, lest the riff-raff barge in!" George called jokingly over the railing of the second floor. Fred couldn't help but smile, not looking up from the task at hand "My mistake!". Y/n scowled up at George as she hopped onto the front desk, "Like that could keep me out." Leaning over the counter top she placed a kiss to Freds cheek, "Heya Freddie". He looked to her, instantly finding himself on cloud nine, and leant casually onto the counter to speak with her. "Hey, Lovely. How was your day?" "Oh, I am so glad you asked!" Y/n said beaming as she clapped her palms against her knees, kicking one leg atop the other. "It was fantastic!" "Do tell." George spoke, decending the stair case, "What's 'fantastic's name?" He goaded.

Y/n glared at him playfully, "Think you have me all worked out do you?" "You know we do." Fred interjects. "Can read you like a book, Darling. You've got not secrets from us"

"Especially after our little incident during rehab, when I had to help you in the shower." George added with a teasing brow, this causing y/n to scrunch her nose. "Okay, George, that's talking about it when we agreed never to talk about it!" The Twins laughed at her embarrassed expression. "Anyway, 'fantastic's name is Mason."

Fred swallowed thickly at the news of, yet another, romantic partner but still he suppressed his distaste as he normally would.

The next 30 minutes or so were spent listening to y/ns retelling of how she met, Mason. About how great they made her feel. Fred couldn't help but envy the way the mere thought of them had y/n biting her lip in attempt to suppress a giddy smile. He'd give anything for her to look that way while thinking about him.

Fred had been quiet through most of the conversation, untrusting of his own voice not to give away his utter disdain at the news. Still he smiled when he should and convincingly feigned interested as she spoke. It wasn't until she began talking about her date, tonight, with them that he finally spared himself the heartache and stopped listening.

Later that evening, Fred was trying hard to keep himself occupied with thoughts on anything but the date the love of his life currently found herself on. As George and he just finished their own meal he'd taken to determinately cleaning the dishes piled within their sink - whilst George dried, a small habit the two fell into thanks to years of Molly putting the pair on dish duty after meals.

Unknowingly to Fred, he'd been uncharacteristically quiet for the whole evening. Something his brother had not failed to notice. "So..." he began breaking the long running silence of the night, "y/n seems pretty bent on this new bloke doesn't she?" "Mmm" "Never know this one may even last" George let out a breathy laugh as he prodded Fred's shoulder with his elbow, watching carefully for his reaction.

George wasn't stupid. He knew exactly how Fred felt, well before the night of the battle.

Fred's eyebrows quirked, lips parting as he clicked his jaw, visibly unsettled by his Twins topic of discussion.

"You okay, Freddie?" "Yeah. No, they sound great. Absolutely perfect. He's bloody 'Mr Fantastic'" His voice was laced with attitude and sarcasm as he spoke.

Finishing washing the final glass Fred throws the dish sponge against the back wall of the sink harder than intended in his frustration. "Easy there mate, get you're not happy but don't take your jealousy out on the poor bloody sponge" George picks it up from where it'd landed, mockingly shielding it from his brother with an overly concerned expression. "What are you on about?" Fred sneered defensively, "I'm so happy and not at all jealous."

"Sure you are" George replied with a look which read 'really?' "Yeah no, I get it. I'd be fine too if the girl I fancied was out on a date with some other bloke." He shrugged nonchalantly as he walked back to the living room, lounging comfortably across their sofa.

Fred looked to his brother as if he'd grown another head. "Don't give me that look. We both know I know." George rolled his eyes. "Well then tell me, oh wise and all-knowing Brother" Fred bowed mockingly, "what would you do in my situation?" He walked over with an expectant brow, perching himself of the sofas opposite arm rest.

"Oh, I dunno...maybe confess to the poor girl." "You say that like it's the simplest thing in the world." "It is, Freddie." "No. No it's not, whatever this is it's not simple." "It won't get any easier if you don't try. Here look I'll help you" George sat up eagerly, leaning against the back of the couch. "You be you, I'll be- don't give me that look. I'll be y/n. Tell me what you'd say to her." "This is stupid" Fred rolled his eyes. "Don't be a prat, just...go. I won't judge." "Right, cause that sounds like you." "Fred-" George warned. "Fiiiine!" He groaned which only caused his brother to smile cockily, satisfied he finally got what he wants.

Fred looked at his brother who flicked his hair and batted his eyelashes dramatically. There's no way he can do this looking at him. Rolling his eyes again he looked away with a scoff, contemplating all the things he'd say to y/n if he had the courage to.

"Well?..." "I don't know. I don't know what'd I'd say to her or where to start, I've never thought about it." "Maybe it's time you start thinking about it Freddie." George clapped him on the leg as he stood from his place on the couch.

He were half way to his bedroom before stopping, having just faintly heard the words whispered after him...

"I love her, Georgie." George smiles sadly to himself, only just turning his head he murmurs a reply. "Tell her that."

---

The store was closed for the day and Fred had choose to have a rather uneventful night in, and so he sat on the end of the sofa reading the paper hoping for product inspiration to strike. George on the other hand were getting ready to go out for the night when came a rhythmic knock on the flat door. No need to ask who it were as they let themselves in, per usual.

"Hello, Boys" y/n bounded into the apartment, flopping casually onto their couch with her head in Freds lap.

He lifted the paper into one hand to better see her smiling face looking cheekily back up at him. His own fond and loving smile shown back. "Hey, Freddie" "Hey, Gorgeous." "HELLO, GEORGE?" She shouted listening intently for his response, "YEAH YEAH, Hello freeloader!" He yells back causing her smile to grow.

"You seem awfully happy, have a good day?" Fred asks as he begins to softly run his hands through y/ns hair out of a developed habit from all their late nights at Hogwarts. "Yeah it was good, just went out with Mason. We had a nice time but I'm just happy to be here with you losers." "Losers? How flattering" George calls from his bedroom. "Oh" at the mention of y/ns partner, Fred puts an end to his hands actions. Turning his attention pointedly back to the paper he'd been reading previously. "And how is 'Mr Fantastic'?" He sneers. "Yeah great...I think. I don't know, he sorta got carried away talking about work. Barely got a word in myself." Y/n chuckles fakely. Sensing her pent up reservations Fred can't help but resume his earlier actions, stroking her hair, but still his eyes stay on the page in front of him. Even if he can't seem to read a single word - too focused on the warmth y/ns body provides pressed against his. Wishing this were how he could spend every night, wrapped up on the couch with her in his arms.

"Alright, children!" George emerges from his bedroom, "I'm off. Don't destroy the place while I'm gone." "Oh that's right!" Y/n sits up excitedly to peer over the back of the sofa. "Tonights the big date" she rests her chin atop her arms as they fold over the backrest looking to George as he collects his wallet and keys. "That's right, Dearest." He ruffles her hair as he strides past to the door, "You're not the only one around here who goes out." He winks before leaving, a quick 'behave!' Called over his shoulder.

Y/n lays back down across Freds lap with a warm smile on her lips. "So...what do you wanna do tonight?"

---

Fred was quietly thankful for George being out of the apartment for the night, the quality time spent with y/n were more than he could possibly ask for. It felt like being back in school, when they'd sneak to the Lake or Astronomy tower past curfew.

They were currently sat on the lounge room floor; a bottle of firewiskey and several stolen sweets from George's stash, scattered in front of them.

"I can't believe you just called me a slag!" Fred shouts as y/n laughed loudly. "W-well it's true." She shrugged, speaking through poorly restrained giggles. "Need I remind you of your time spent with Alice?" "Hey! We had a deep, and meaningful relationship." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" "What was her last name?" Freds mouth opened in retort before swiftly closing. Eyes blankly scanning the room in search of the answer before realising he didn't have one. He nodded and shrugged in acknowledgement. "Point taken. Not that you're one to judge" he chuckled, taking a swig from the bottle of whiskey before offering it to her. "Also true." Y/n accepted.

"When was the last time you waited until the third date?" "Honestly?" "No. Lie to me." Y/n rolled her eyes at his question. "Katie Bell." "Noooo...in 6th year?" "Yeah. Go on then, when was the last time you didn't just give it up?" "What, 'Honestly'?" "No. Lie to me." Fred threw an every flavour bean at her for the mockery. "Okay...Mr Fantastic." "Noooo..." "yeah." "I don't believe you." "What!? Why?" "Because you're whipped by the bloke! Surprised he even made it to a first date- OW! Hey, chocolate frogs are NOT for throwing!"

Neither were sure how this odd game of confessions began, perhaps somewhere around the half way mark on their bottle of Whiskey, but the embarrassing dirty little secrets they'd begun to reveal to one another had them both in hysterics as a result.

"So, why not?" "I dunno he just...hasn't got me feeling that way, ya know? Like, he's great, and we have a good time together - I guess. But it's not like this" she guestured between herself and Fred, who was listening intently. "I can't seem to relax and just be myself around him. He doesn't get me laughing till it hurts. Or make me feel safe and comfortable." Fred's lips parted slightly at her words, eyes dancing hopefully back and forth between hers which seemed to hold the same emotion his did in that moment. Was it possible she felt the same way?

"Or ya know, something less sappy." She chuckled, taking a drink from the Whiskey bottle and turning away from him. Whatever moment he'd felt was gone, and reality set in with the familiar bitter pill settling in his mouth which he refused to swallow.

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the disappointment that began to creep in. Over her comparison, in wanting someone like him, but in the end, not him. Never him. A sharp breath left him before speaking, "Yeah, well, I ah- I have work in the morning so I'd best call it a night." He avoided eye contact as he stood from his spot on the floor, all joints painfully stiff from the lack of movement.

Y/n was shocked by his abrupt change in attitude. He were no longer smiling, and there was an edge to his voice which wasn't there moments ago.

"Woah, wait...what just happened here? I thought we were having a good time." "We were" y/n stood, taking a tentative step towards him "So, what changed?" "Nothing"

"Fred? Come on, sit back down...please?" She grabbed one of his hands holding it close to her chest as she pouted at him. For a second Fred caught himself smiling at her antics. But only for a second. He shook his head, pulling his hand back from hers and stressfully running it through his hair.

"I can't, love." "Can't what?" Her brows furrowed in confusion. "I just can't sit there and listen to you talk about us; me and him." He snapped looking away from her. "Why? What's that have t-"

"Because I'm fucking in love with you!" Fred shouted, turning back to y/n in anger. "I'm in love with you and sitting there listening to you talk about how I make you feel safe - and how you wish it were him - it's ripping my fucking heart out y/n! But I'm stuck. Because I can't move on but I can't have you. So I just sit here like an idiot, watching you jump from one relationship to another, waiting- hoping that you'll care. I keep hanging onto moments - like right there - thinking there may be the slightest chance you might feel the same way. But you don't. And I can't do it anymore...so don't ask me to."

"Fred-" "I think you should go." "No, Fred I-" "Please! Go."

Y/n stood in place, staring in shock as her body seemed reluctant to move. She were petrified - numb to everything, but the fear swimming within her blood. What would happen if she walked out that door. Would he ever let her back in, or was this it? What if she leaves and loses him forever - and he never knew...

She drew a shaking breath that seemed to give a modicum of control back over her body. Her eyes flickered over the expanse of the boys flat. It were always so cheerful and warm - so why did she feel so cold? Her body trembled as her feet began to move, each step more painful than the last.

As she opened the door every nerve screamed for her to turn back around. Her head turned to the side, mouth falling dry and lips parting to speak though no words came. But the tears did. Rolling sadly down her cheeks as the door sealed shut behind her.

She was gone.

Fred fell to the couch. Any strength that were holding him from the ground disappearing as she did. Slouched over his knees, elbows digging into his thighs whilst he ran his hands through his hair.

He let out a heavy breath, a small relief spreading in his chest from the weight that'd been lifted. But mostly all that came was pain and tears from the heartache he'd tried so hard to shield himself from for all these years.

There's no telling how long he sat there, furiously rubbing at his eyes as the tears refused to stop falling. Not till the familiar crack of apparation reached his ears could he fully hold himself high again. George couldn't see him like this, he wouldn't let him.

With the creaking of the front doors hinges Fred stood, clearing his throat and running a final hand across his puffy, tear stained cheeks. "You're back early, what'd happen you strike out?" He joked, turning only to be met with the equally teary eyes of y/n. Although hers held something else as well - anger. Fred felt cold. What was she doing back here?

"Where do you get the nerve?" She snapped. Freds expression screwed between a mixture of insult and confusion. "Don't you dare, for a second, think you know how I feel." "I do." "No. No you don't! Otherwise you would have realised that I fucking love you too!" "W-what?"

"You think you're the only one? That after all these years together; after all those nights in the Astronomy tower. After all those days you spent by my side as I laid dying in that hospital bed. After all your time spent healing me; that I haven't fallen in love with you?"

"Well...well WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!?" "WHY DIDN'T YOU!?"

Freds mouth was open but no words were coming. He let out a defeated breath, leaning against the back of the sofa as the weight of everything set in.

"...when?" "I don't know when I fell. Only when I realised. Guess that was the only good thing to come from that evil, pink bitch being around." Y/n chuckled sadly.

"THEN!? you knew then?" "After your first detention. I bandaged your hand and we spent the night together in the common room. You fell asleep in my lap, that's...that's when I knew."

This was all so overwhelming. So much for the quiet night in. Fred stared fixedly at a point on the side wall in thought, lightly shaking his head, unsure of exactly how he felt or what to do. This was everything he'd ever wanted to hear and that scared him a little bit.

"Look, I didn't say anything because you mean too much to me to ever risk jeopardising what we had and I- I could never find the words to..." Y/n swallowed thickly as all emotion caught in her throat. Taking his hand tightly in hers she tried to ground herself within the moment. The action turning Freds gaze back to hers.

"I thought it mattered what I said, or when I said it. Then I realised, all that matters is that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. I never want to lose that and if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. All you have to do is just tell me; what do you want?"

Fred watched as the tears welled within y/ns eyes the longer she spoke, he wondered how they ever managed to be so goddamn obliviously stupid, that neither realised.

A soft smile crept across his lips as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "All I've ever wanted...is you." Y/ns whole body relaxed at his words, head falling in relief. Looking back into his eyes she bit her lip to suppress a giddy, lovestruck, smile.

"You've always had me."

[irondad-creator-awards]

Nominations List (Updated)

This will be the final update before the nominatons have closed, but only a few nominations are missing now. I’d do it sooner, but it takes days each time and so wouldn’t be finished in time anyway.

Remember: Voting begins Saturday April 10th. The link to the form will be posted here.

1. THE ONE THAT MADE YOU GASP! — A story which had a plot twist you didn’t see coming. Something that caught you so off guard that you had to stop a minute and take a breath before devouring the rest. What’s the story for you?

 A Beautiful Lie by Rayrox360

A Peter Parker Problem by Spagbol99

Archetype by Bean_Reads_Fanfic

Chaotic Peter Parker by Isnt_It_Pretty_To_Think_So

Cycle Through by Ambivalentangst

Ever In Your Favor by Iron_Spider

Fallen Angel by Musicheart08

Figure-Out-Able by  Aimaim94

Flying And Flips by  Myglassesaredirty  

Give Him The Life, That I Couldn't Give You by Superherotiger

Inevitable by Annie_Walker

Irondad Ficlets by Ironxprince

Like Father, Like Son by An_Odd_Idea

Love Leaves A Memory No-One Can Steal by Ironmum

More Peril In Thine Eye by Iron_Spider

No Longer In Service by Starryknight09

Proof Of Concept by Flurrbee

Serenity by Jolinarjackson

Shock Therapy by Solstice

Spidey Tot by Kevy_Grayce

Stab Me In The Back (I'll Catch You From Behind       by Lansfics7

Stop, Look, Listen by Forthenightisdarkandfullofterror

The Case Of The Sinister Spider by Ironfamjam

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle

Thunder And Attrition by Magniloquentchanteuse

Time Will Tell by Tonystarkissist

Unforeseen Circumstances by Jlmonroe1234

 2. THE MULTI-CHAPTER YOU COULDN’T PUT DOWN — A story which kept you up all night or calling in sick for work so you were free to read. Who’s the culprit?

 A Beautiful Lie by Rayrox360

A Parent Apparent by Happyaspie

A Peter Parker Problem by Spagbol99

A Sailor Went To Sea by by Yellowdistress

Acolyte by Macabre

Air I Breathe by Heartofcathedrals

All The Devils Are Here by Yellowdistress

All The Senseless Scars by Notapartytrick

And You’ll Blow Us All Away by Losingmymindtonight

Astronomy In Reverse by Pansley

Breathe, Then Repeat by Thesecretuchiha

Come My Darling, Homeward Bound by Iamirondad

Ever In Your Favor by Iron—Spider

Every Beautiful Lie (Always Has An Ugly Truth by Da_Moose

Exploding Head Syndrome by Foolscapper

Five Times Tony And Peter Chaotically Cleaned by Ironmum

Free Like A Broken Heart by Notapartytrick

I Will Carry You (Always) by Thestarvingwriter

Identity Crisis by Kitcat992

If They All Knew About You by Mshermia

In Unlikely Places by Looneylizzie

Irondad Ficlets by Ironxprince

Legacy by Docseuss

More Peril In Thine Eye by Iron—Spider

Mr. Parker Declined To Comment by Apisdn

Pain Will Always Come Back To Haunt You by Kevy_Grayce

Permanence by Theexhaustedalchemist

Petey And The Hermit by Eccentric_Artist_221b

Pieces Of Echoes by Geekymoviemom

Proof Spiderman Loves Clickbait by Mauvera

Rise From The Ashes; Just To See You Again by Mintstream

Silent Screams And Surprising Saviors by Normalisoverrated

Sins Of The Fathers by Geekymoviemom

Spider-Man: Avengers (And Midtown High) React by Gayplums

Stop, Look, Listen by Forthenightisdarkandfullofterror

The Definition Of Family by Queen (Ramble)

The End Of Infinity by Friendlyneighborhoodfangirls

The Haunted by Emily_F6

The Lost And Forgotten by Lizcraz

The Rattle Of Their Hearts by Iron_Spider

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle

Transitions by Neuropsych

Turn Back The Clock (And I'll Try Again In The Morning) by Madasthesea

We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve by Polaroid15

We Will Foresee Obstacles by Blackwatchandromeda (Avenris)

We're Gonna Have To Do This Together by edibna,

 3. THE ONE-SHOT THAT THAT HAD YOU HOOKED — Some writers can cram more greatness into less words than a 100k monster. What’s the one-shot that did it for you?

 5 Times Peter Sleepwalked And The 1 Time He Pretended He Did by Losingmymindtonight

A Different Kind Of Surprise by Winterturtle

A Little Gray Area (Where I Can Keep You Safe) by Divineprojectzero

A Lot Can Happen In Approximately Two Years  by Soverysesual

Adventures In Babysitting  by Victori

Blessed Be The Boys Time Can’t Capture by Killerqueenwrites

Born Anew From Dust And Blood by Superherotiger

Countless Ways To Say I Love You by Hopeless_Hope

Disappearing Bruises by Happyjuicyfruit

Everything I Wanna Say About You Is More Than Enough To Write A Novel by Magnetichearts

Familiar Faces by Happyaspie

Fitting In (Tiny Spaces) by Aloneintherain

For Good by Madelinedear

Give Hime The Life, That I Couldn’t Give You  by Superherotiger

Guess How Much I Love You by Jack_Hunter

Hear You Me  by Starryknight09

I Can Hold The Weight Of Worlds (If That's What You Need) by Bluesweatshirt

I Did It All For You (So I Can’t Lose You Now) by Another_Introvert

I Didn’t Ask To Be In This Family  by Webtrinsic

I Have A Nephew!  by Zimnokurw

I Just Wanted To Protect You by Sunflowerspideyy

I Promise I'll Do Better by 221broadwayiron

I Promise You Kid, You're Safe Now by Bstarship

I Will Soften Every Edge by Losingmymindtonight

In My Heart There Was A Kind Of Fighting by Iron_Spider

It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year  by Freyaatterton

Keeping Watch  by Oreoluvr13

Let Sleeping Heroes Lie  by Attackonomelas

Move Back Home Forever  by Chasingflower

New Dream by Writerllofllworlds

Of Flying And Falling by Polaroid15,

Parallels by Kianisabitch

Peter's Ghost And One (1) Obnoxious Orange Stone by Bean_Reads_Fanic

Petey And The Hermit by Eccentric_Artist_221b

Physics Class  by Fictionalworldsareexquisite

Place In Your Heart by Potrix

Quantum Mechanics 5010  by Pipgraham

Quaranteens by Blueh

Someone To Want Me by Fritokays

Something Here Will Eventually Have To Explode by Madasthesea

The Case Of The Missing Museum Bea-Storer  by Ironmum

The Lightning Strike by Covo728

The Primary Reason Tony Stark Would Throw Down With An Anti-Vaxxer In The Street by Caraminha

The World Is Not Kind by Trickster88

There’s A Fine, Fine Line  by Faerialchemist

Til The Fight Is Done by Jinxquickfoot

To Be Like You by Polaroid15

Unauthorized Field Trip  by Duskblue

Voices Carry by Ferretshark

Waste Not, Want Not by  by Mttraspberrypie

What Do I Look Like To You, A Clearance Rack?   by Peterstank

What You're Feeling Is Probably Normal by Finny3120

You Got Lost While Getting Older  by Kuragay

 4. THE BEST THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES — A drabble (under 1k) can pack in all the goodness that you need in a coffee break read. What’s that story for you?

 A Scene In Space by An_Odd_Idea

Asthmatic Spider by by Inkinmyheartandonthepage

Buttering Me Up by Iron_Spider

Cramps by Thisrosehasanothername

Cuddle Bug by Marvelous_Writer

Food At Home by Aimaim94

I Feel A Filth In My Bones (Wash Off My Hands Til It's Gone) by Madasthesea

Insomniacs In The Dark by Littlemissagrifina

Irondad Cuddles by Lilacsoulw

Nice To Meet You, Peter by Loubuttons

Nothing Like A Fresh Cup Of Humiliation In The Morning by Madasthesea

Of Christmas Lights And Car Chases by Marvelous_Writer

Of Masks And Memories by Littlemissagrafina

Outsider by Pinkeastereggs

Place In Your Heart by Potrix

Quentin Knows Best by Undercover_Royalty

S.O.S. (Somehow Obtained Son) by Madasthesea

Safety Net by Baloobird

You’re Always My Kid by Cyn_Writes

Let The Mind Games Begin Ironmum

Outsider by Pinkeastereggs

F.R.I.D.A.Y, When Did I Get A Son by Iwritesometimes (Orphan_Account)

Sleeping At Last by Webtrinsic

I Don’t Want To Rule My Own Country, I Just Want To Pass 10th Grade by Andromath

Patterns by Nokurde

The Dangers Of Sleeping On The Upside Of The Bed by Honorable_Mention

Dressing Up As A Hero by Madam_Sunflower

Carry Me by Shitforbrains

Spider Cooties by The_Forgotten_Nobody

Home Is Where The Heart Is by Wentrinsic

 5. THE BIODAD THAT TOUCHED YOUR HEART — Some of the greatest stories flip canon and make Tony Peter’s biological father. Be it baby Peter taking his first steps or Tony dealing with the fact his son is following in his superhero footsteps as Spider-Man, which is the one you loved most of all?

 A Gift Of Blood by Theeclecticsoul

An Abstract Concept by Iron-Spider

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It by Savana_Marlark

Blood And Iron by Aliciamirza

Built From Scraps by Peter Stank

Congratulations, It's A Boy by Capiocapi

Happy Birthday - And Merry Christmas by Thequeenofwhump

Happy Hogan Never Forgets A Face by Jen27ny

Hardest Lessons (Softest Results) by Mainstreamelectricalparade

I Love You More Than Anything by Iron_Spider

I Told You To Be Better(And You Became The Best) by Haru_K

If They Knew All About You by Mshermia

Little Demons Like To Play by Raccooncati

My Little Bambino by Maicaly

Return To Me, The One I Love So Endlessly by Superherotiger

Slow Down, Start Again From The Beginning by Cassiecasyl

So Many Things Left To Say (Series) by Sarcasmismyweapon

Sound Logic by Aytheria

Spiderson by Emily_F6

Stars, Hide Your Fires by Yellowdistress.

The Gift  by Uskblue

The Less Than Secret Life by Yellowdistress

The One Where Peter Is Related To Tony by Marvel_Cinematic_Universe_Fan

The Ties That Bind Us by Winterturtle

They Say Boys Don't Cry (But Your Dad Has Shed A Lot Of Tears) by Tempestaurora

Tomorrow And Tomorrow by Yellowdistress

What We Are (Series) by Yellowdistress

What’s In A Name? by Geekymoviemom

Twist Of Fate  by Karenninaaa

I Hold You Closer Than I Ever Knew I Could Do by Yourgaydad

Hydra’s Not A Home (Series) by Tempestaurora

Premature Love by  by Seeingthoughtsthroughwords

Move Back Home Forever by Chasingflower

Rest Your Head Close To My Heart, Never To Part (Baby Of Mine) by 14million_Constellations

Let Me Pave The Path Until You Come Back  (Series) by Elliahrose

Coming Home by  by Inkinmyheartandonthepage

Made Of Iron Born Of Fire (Series)  by             Savvysass And Imgoingtocrash

Tony Stark Vs. Babies "R" Us by Mainstreamelectricalparade

Rest your head close to my heart, never to part (baby of mine) by 14million_constellations

 6. THE ONE WITH THE FIELD TRIP — The field trip trope is one of the most popular in the fandom. What’s the story that you think pulls all the elements together to make it great?

 A Different Take by Cyberwolfwrites

Academic Commitment by Underoosstark

Bullies, Interns, And Secret Things by Thecuriousclockwork

Constant Internal [Spider] Screaming: Semi-Connected Scenes From A Graduating Senior’s Life by Isadancurtisproduction

Everyday Superhero by Stoneage_Woman

Field Trip by Inkinmyheartandonthepage

Field Trip Flip by Happyaspie

From Your Perspective, The World Is Flat by Blueh

I Don’t Want To Talk About It Anymore by Bees_And_Wasps

It's Above My Clearance Level by Tsk

Living With Superheros? Not Cool by Groot_Is_God

Mr Stark Enough For You? (Another Field Trip Fic Bcs We Dont Have Enough) by Livinei

Neon Liar (Hiding In Plain Sight) by Isadancurtisproduction

No Reason To Go by Pokegeek151

One Fall Weekend by Marvelous_Writer

Patterns by Nokurde

Peter-Man - Oh, F*Ck - I Mean Spider-Man by Orphan_Account

Tower Of Donuts And Doubts by Platinumdollz

Who Is He? by Velarisstars

You're What?  by Shewritesall

It's Above My Clearance Level by tsk

Peter and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Field Trip by cazei

Field Trip to Home, Joy by Every_Fandom_Trash

The Field Trip: Tony and Peter Reunion Edition by moreofareaderthanawriter

Ned Leeds and the Best Field Trip Ever by AriPotter

    7. THE TIME AFTER TIME ONE — There’s some great time travel stories out there, but which is your favorite?

 Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It by Savana_Marlark

Breathe, Then Repeat by Thesecretuchiha

Every Beautiful Lie (Always Has An Ugly Truth) by Da_Moose

Hero by Lady_Oneder

I Have Time by Peterparkr

I’ve Learned To Lose You by Peterparkr

It’s Me, Remember? by  Nanixerka

Oh, Take Me Back To The Start by Theregularwriter

Peter And Morgan's 40-Year-Long-Day by Thismarvelouslife

The End Is Just A New Beginning by Tytach

The Other Mr. Stark by Jelly_Pies

The Time Traveler’s Mentor by Iamirondad

Time To Pretend by Rowan_M

Turn Back The Clock (And I'll Try Again In The Morning) by Madasthesea

We Will Foresee Obstacles  by Blackwatchandromeda (Avenris)

Whatever It Takes by Starryknight09

  8. THE ONE WITH ALL THE OWIES — Another massively popular Irondad trope is hurt/comfort, and there’s some amazing stuff out there. Which is the one that you love most of all?

 A Beautiful Lie by Rayrox360

A Different Take by Cyberwolfwrites

A Peter Parker Problem by Spagbol99

A Scare In The Stark Household by Marvelous_Writer

Air I Breathe by Heartofcathedrals

Apartment 43B by Ironfamjam

Atlas by Polaroid15

Be Weak by Fluencca

Broken by My Own Hand (Put Back Together by Yours) by Gwenoakley

Built From Scraps by Peterstank

But What Is Grief? by Odd_1

Caught In A Lie by Krystalpomme

Contentiously Ambiable by Ktoon

Cycle Through by Ambivalentangst

Danger Pizza by Alice_In_Ink

Darkness Will Be Rewritten by Marveal

Dude, Do These Tacos Taste Funny To You? by First_Page

Five Times Peter Said "Sorry" To Tony Stark by Agentnerd

Follow The North Star Home by Fallingforbees

Foolish, Fragile Spine by Plnkblue

For Want Of A Dad (In Need Of A Son) by Ghostinthebau

Funeral by Mjscorner

Held On As Tightly As You Held On To Me by Itsreallylaterightnow & Killerqueenwrites

Lazarus, Come Forth by by Iron_Spider

More Peril In Thine Eye by Iron—Spider

Of Flying And Falling by Polaroid15

Outnumbered by Heartofcathedrals

Peaches by Peterparkr

Peppermint Allergy by Carpediem369

Peter's Ghost And One (1) Obnoxious Orange Stone by Bean_Reads_Fanic

Project Pride by Thesleepingowl

Seeing Without Sound by Astronomical_Alien

Shelter by Unluckyolive

Sometimes It’s Easier To Just Swim Down by Mjscorner

Stab Me In The Back (I'll Catch You From Behind) by Lansfics7

Statistically Speaking by Foolscapper

Stop, Look, Listen by Forthenightisdarkandfullofterror

Stuck by Jelly-Pies

The Adventures Of Spidy-Son And Iron-Dad (Series) by Eva7673

The Past Is Knocking On My Door by Maicaly

The Room Where It Happens by Notapartytrick

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle

The World Is Not Kind by Trickster88

Thirteen Minutes by Solstice

Wandering Child (So Lost, So Helpless) by Almond_Blossoms

We All Chase After A Few Dying Stars by Losingmymindtonight

What I Have, I Give To You by Aatticsaltt

What If There Is No Tomorrow? by Iron_Spider

When My Body Won't Hold Me Anymore (Where Will I Go) by Madasthesea

You Better Watch Out by Ciaconnaa

You’ll Always Get There First by Crowkag

Your Heart Changed (Mine Stayed The Same) by Loisselina

 9. THE ONE THAT HURTS SO GOOD — We all like a bit of angst sometimes, so what’s the story that you wanted to hide from but you had to keep reading to get to the happy ending?

 ... And When You Can’t Crawl ...  by Jolinarjackson & Shoyzzart

5 Times Tony Forgot Peter Was Just A Kid by Parkrstark

A Beautiful Lie by Rayrox360

A Peter Parker Problem by Spagbol99

Built From Scraps by Peterstank

Caught In A Lie by Krystalpomme

Cycle Through by Ambivalentangst

Dear God by Krystalpomme

Don't Worry About Me by Chvotic

Ever In Your Favor by  Iron_Spider

Fifteen Years In The Making by Potts89

Goodbye Mr. Stark, Thanks For Trying by Jelly-Pies

Held On As Tightly As You Held On To Me by Itsreallylaterightnow & Killerqueenwrites

I Need You (To Be Free) by Marveal

I Promise I'll Do Better by 221broadwayiron

I Want Go by Chvotic

I Will Carry You (Always) by Thestarvingwriter

If They Knew All About You by Mshermia

If You Can't Catch A Breath (You Can Take The Oxygen Straight Out Of My Own Chest) by Losingmymindtonight

If You Listen You Can Hear The Ibis by Yellowdistress

Inevitable by Annie_Walker

Its Always The Little Things by Uncertainty_Principle

Jealous? by Chvotic

Let's Get On With Living (While We Can) by  Almond_Blossoms

Love Leaves A Memory No-One Can Steal by Ironmum

May Parker's Complete Guide On How To Raise Your Spiderling by Embarrassing_Myself

More Peril In Thine Eye by Iron_Spider

Not So Friendly  by Ramble_On

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)  by Myglassesaredirty

Of Drizzly Skies And Saltwater Taffy by Eccentric_Artist_221b

Of Flying And Falling   by Polaroid15

Peter's Ghost And One (1) Obnoxious Orange Stone  by The-Reverse-Mermaid

Please, Understand by Jipseebree

Protect  by Watermeloness

Reviving Peter Parker  by Yellowdistress

Stab Me In The Back (I'll Catch You From Behind) by Lansfics7

Standing On My Own Two Feet  by Minigigi

Stop, Look, Listen  by  Forthenightisdarkandfullofterror

Stuck by Jelly-Pies

Sunlight by Ardenskyeholmes221

The Art Of Losing by Fluencca

The Missing 92 Days by Yellowdistress

The Room Where It Happens by Notapartytrick

The World Is Wide (But I Feel So Small)  by Buckets_Of_Stars

Thunder And Attrition by Magniloquentchanteuse

Turn Back The Clock (And I’ll Try Again In The Morning) by              Madasthesea

We Will Find Our Way Through The Dark  by Ashleyparker2815

What You Were Then I Am Today (Series)  by Madasthesea

When My Body Won't Hold Me Anymore (Where Will I Go)  by Madasthesea

When Trauma Comes Knocking by Kevy_Grayce

 10. THE ONE THAT SOOTHES THE PAIN — What’s The Story That You Go To When You Need A Pick-Me-Up After The Angst?

 5 Times A Spider-Baby Got Dad Smooched by Buckets_Of_Stars

5 Times Peter Made Tony Laugh Out Loud by Grilledcheesing

5 Times Tony Calls Peter Baby by Madasthesea

5 Times Tony Stark Protected Penny Parker   by Emily_F6

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It  by Savana_Marlark

Bedside Stories  by Wildwaveswhist

Bitch Better Have My Money by Neicy286

Career Day: A Short Story by Shewritesall

Congratulations, It's A Boy Capiocapi

Cuddle Bug  by Marvelous_Writer

Early Childhood Education by Thedisneyoutsider

Five Times Peter And Tony Chaotically Cleaned by Ironmum

For Want Of A Dad (In Need Of A Son) by Ghostinthebau

Hardest Lessons (Softest Results) by Mainstreamelectricalparade

I Can Hold The Weight Of The Worlds (If That's What You Need) by Bluesweatshirt

Instant Kill Mode by Isnt_It_Pretty_To_Think_So

It's My Party And I'll Bite If I Want To  by Whumphoarder

Leave Me Where I Am (I'm Only Sleeping) by Hopeless_Hope

Macho Macho Man by Iron_Spider

My Boy  by Thisisnotourlasthunt

No More Lonely by Shewritesall

Peter Revs His Engine by Punkybunny

Petey And The Hermit by Eccentric_Artist_221b

Research And Disaster by Blueh

Storm   by Parkerxheart

That's How You And I Will by  by Frostysunflowers

The Reinvention Of Tony Stark by Losingmymindtonight

The Road So Far  by Nicolemoon8

The Sun's Starting To Rise (These Are Beautiful Times  by Jelly-Pies

Titan's Lullaby by Starstepper

What You're Feeling Is Probably Normal by Finny3120

Whatever It Takes by Starryknight90

Where You Never Would Have Looked by Jwriter819

You And Me Lying On The Tile Floor (Trying To Keep Cool) by Madasthesea

11. THE ONE WITHOUT A HOME TO GO TO — There’s some wonderful homeless Peter stories out there, so which is the one you were blown away by?

 A Difference In Husbandry by Happy_Cloud

After The Landslide by Freyaatterton

After The Landslide by Freyaatterton

Distracted by A Dime by Happyaspie

Hope Is The Strongest Power  by Sarayin

I Told You I Had Issues by Bergen

I’m Lost (I Feel So Very Found)  by Cold_Nights_Summer_Days

In The End by Annie_Walker

Is It Too Much To Ask For Home That Lasts? Ft. Peter Parker by Wakandaforever2357

Living With Superheroes? Not Cool by Groot_Is_God

Make Way For Tomorrow by Hopeless_Hope

One Step Unto The Lonely Road (Has Scarred Me For Life)  by Hopeless_Hope

Paradise by Last_Of_Her_Kind

Reintroducing Hope by Fernandidilly_Yo

The Art Of Publicity by Xmypandabear

The Little Things (That I Miss) by Da_Moose

The Lost And Forgotten by Litcraz

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle

Thunder And Attrition by Magniloquentchanteuse

To Find A Home (Series) by Aceofstars16

Unexpected (Everything I Never Knew I Wanted) by Moonchild2593

Unexpected Finds by Snarkymuch

Unwanted by Agib

 12. THE ONE THAT’S A WHOLE NEW WORLD — There’s lots of imaginative AUs in Irondad fic. Whether it’s Steve and Tony as baseball players or Pepper being Peter’s mom, which one is your number one?

 A Beautiful Lie by Rayrox360

A Guardian Among Us by Superherotiger

A Just An Honorable Hand by Friendlyneighborhoodirondad

A Little Monument Of Stones  by Yellowdistress

A Long Way Forward by Rxcrcfllptrs

A Soul's Best Friend by Superherotiger

Ain't My Blood; Still My Boys by Parkrstark

And The Band Played On  by   Bobee

Archetype  by Bean_Reads_Fanfic

Blood On My Hands (Beast In My Heart) by   Baloobird & Buckets_Of_Stars

Can’t Erase What I Wrote In Ink (Tell Me How Can I Change The Story) by Littlemissagrafina

Dear Fellow Traveler (Series) by Superherotiger

Ever In Your Favor by Iron_Spider

Have Patience, A Quick Wit, And A Gentle Heart by Ironfamjam

I Battle My Jerk Step-Dad by Andromath

I Will Carry You (Always) by Thestarvingwriter

In A Galaxy Far, Far Away (Series) by Madasthesea

It’s A New Life But Always The Same Love  by Wisterispidey

Moulded Mind by Wingswithoutstrings

Never Tear Us Apart by Imeanthatsprettysnazzy

No Matter What (You Keep Finding Something To Fight For)  by Rejectedmarvel

No Matter Where You Are, I'll Be There For You by X_Writingn_X

Nothing Left To Lose by  Notapartytrick

Oh, Bite Me  by Nanixerka

Once Upon A Reality by Bean_Reads_Fanfic

Only For A Little While by Eccentric_Artist_221b

Petey And The Hermit by Eccentric_Artist_221b

Pilot by Cold_Nights_Summer_Days

Quantum Mechanics 5010  by Pipgraham

Return To Me, The One I Love So Endlessly by Superherotiger

Sea Spider by Bean_Reads_Fanfic

Spidey Tot by Kevy_Grayce

The Boy Who Would Be King  by Writerreadsstuff

The Day Peter’s Name Finished With Stark by Skyrocket25

The Phoenix Project by Geekymoviemom

The Will Of The Force by Madasthesea

Though Everything Is A Miracle by Overtures

To Continue Being  by Censored

Tony Built A Son (Series)  by   Footloose_Poets

Until It Disappeared From Me by Ashleyparker2815

Unto The Breach  by Melissabosquez

What If We Never Were?  by  Ladylangst

What Occurred In Raychester Castle  by Fictionart

What We Grow To Be by Killerqueenwrites

When I Am On Your Shoulders by Ladyblackwater

Where Life Begins And Love Never Ends  by  Kitkatwinchester

You Got Lost While Getting Older  by Kuragay

You Mispronounced Spider by Lliblo

 13. THE TWEAKING THE SETTINGS ONE — There’s things we all wish we could change in canon — *cough* Endgame *cough* — so which canon divergence does it for you?

 5 Times Peter Made Tony Laugh Out Loud By Grilledcheesing

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It By Savana_Marlark

Beautiful Boy By Emily_Davison

Before, After, And Beyond  By               Mainstreamelectricalparade

Bittersweet By Kevy_Grayce

Breathe Again By Gwenoakley

Built From Scraps By Peterstank

Dear Mr. Fantasy By Iron_Spider

Exploding Head Syndrome By Foolscapper

Found Family   By Thedisneyoutsider

Home By Patrochilles_Trash

I Did It All For You (So I Can’t Lose You Now) By Another_Introvert

I Will Restore All That Was Broken By Killerqueenwrites

I’ll Make This Feel Like Home   By Ashleyparker2815

Invulnerable  By Imgoingtocrash

Keeping Watch   By Oreoluvr13

Like You'd Know How It Works By Mshermia

M&M Paradise (Series)   By Galaxythreads

May Parker's Complete Guide On How To Raise Your Spiderling By Embarrassing_Myself

Moulded Minds By Wingswithstrings

One In A Million By Inkinmyheartandonthepage

One Thing I’ll Never Know (Is How You Could Be A Ghost)   By              Gwenoakley

Peter's Ghost And One (1) Obnoxious Orange Stone By Bean_Reads_Fanfic

Pieces Of Echoes By Geekymoviemom

Stop, Look, Listen By Forthenightisdarkandfullofterror

The Battle By Oblossom

The Burning In My Bones   By Happyjuicyfruit

The End Of Infinity By Friendlyneighborhoodfangirls

The More You Say, The Less I Know By Forthenightisdarkandfullofterror

The Rattle Of Their Hearts By Iron_Spider

The Returned By Nicolemoon8

The Thrill Of Hope By Chasingflower

Titan's Lullaby By Starstepper

Up Came The Sun (Series) By Whimsicalethnographies

We Got Lucky   By The_Muses_Summer_House

We Will Foresee Obstacles By Blackwatchandromeda (Avenris)

What If: Peter Had Been Injured In The Ferry Scene  By Wolf5bane

What Makes A Family By Doctornineandthreequarters

What Was Missing Was You By Happyaspie

What Were The Words I Meant To Say Before You Left By Madasthesea

Whatever It Takes By Starryknight09

When Peter Forgot What Day It Was By Goldenambedo

Where He Belongs  By Asherkoyal

   14. THE ONE YOU GO BACK TO AGAIN AND AGAIN — Some fics deserve a re-read or ten. What’s the story you go find yourself going back to?

  5 Times Peter Fell, And Tony Caught Him. And The 1 Time Tony Didn’t By Eva7673

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood By Ambivalentangst

A Guardian Among Us By Superherotiger

A Parent Apparent By Happyaspie

Age Regression Was Impossible... Right? By Chvotic

All The Devils Are Here By Yellowdistress

Am I Just A Shadow You Drew By Ironxprince

Apartment 43B By Ironfamjam

Archetype By   Bean_Reads_Fanfic,

Avengers Vandal By Awesomesockes & Whumphoarder

Baby's Firsts  By Mainstreamelectricalparade

Back To Bed By Eccentric_Artist_221b

Beautiful Boy By Emily_Davison

Built From Scraps By Peterstank

Dreams Don’t Scare You (They Ain’t Big Enough) By Jumpfall

Ever In Your Favor By Iron—Spider

Family Is More Than Blood (It Is Light) By Moonchild2593

For Want Of A Dad (In Need Of A Son) By Ghostinthebau

Ghost Of Christmas Past  By Ciaconnaa

Golden Boy  By Sticksandinfinitystones

I Just Wanted To Protect You By Sunflowerspideyy

If They Knew All About You   By Mshermia

I'm At One By Patrochilles_Trash

Into A White And Soundless Place  By Weatheredlaw

Kangaroo Care By Tonystarkissist

Keeping Company By Whumphoarder And Xxx_Cat_Xxx

Keeping Watch  By Oreoluvr13

Lean On Me By Parkerxheart

Let This Moment Be The First Chapter By Ephemeralstark

Moulded Minds By Wingswithoutstrings

Move Back Home Forever By Chasingflower

Mr. Misunderstood  By Parkrstark

My Boy By Thisisnotourlasthunt

Never Gonna Let You Down By Emily_F6

Patient #2252   By Thesoulofstrawberry

Play By Losingmymindtonight

Reviving A Spiderling By Eccentric_Artist_221b

Rules Are Made To Be Broken By Ironmum

Sins Of The Fathers By Geekymoviemom

Spider-Man: Avengers (And Midtown High) React By Gayplums

Superheroes Get Scared, Too  By Little_But_Mighty

The Darkest Hour Is Just Before The Dawn By Starryknight09

The Lost And Forgotten By Litcraz

The One Where Peter Is Bucky’s Weakness By Jinxquickfoot

The Rise And Fall Of A Spider By Spidersoning

The Spider-Man Conspiracy By Tempestaurora

The Stars The Moon They Have All Been Blown Out (You Left Me In The Dark) By Madasthesea

The Third Option By Uncertainty_Principle

The World Is Not Kind  By Trickster88

Webcams And Webshooters (Series) By Losingmymindtonight

What You Were Then I Am Today (Series) By Madasthesea

With Great Care By Giggles96

  15. THE SERIES THAT SWEPT YOU AWAY — Some of us love to go on a long ride with a series, so which is the world of multiple stories that you binged or waited anxiously for each update?

 A Hero's Journey By Annie_Walke

Another June Day By Skeeter_110

Chaotic Peter Parker By Isnt_It_Pretty_To_Think_So

Dear Peter Parker, What To Say To You By Littlemissagrafina

Family Business- Supernatural Au By Killerqueenwrites

Home By Glwilliams97

Hydra’s Not A Home  By Tempestaurora

I Love You More Than Anything (Bio Dad Au) By Iron_Spider

Identity Saga By Kitcat992

In A Galaxy Far, Far Away   By Madasthesea

Irondad NSAP By Chvotic

Lactose Intolerant Peter By Whumphoarder

Learning To Parent By Bowtiez

Lights To Guide You Home By Jolinarjackson

Like You'd Know How It Works And What Comes After By Mshermia

Movie Aus  By Imeanthatsprettysnazzy

Mr. Stark & His Kid By Writerstrash

Nice Work, Kid By Madasthesea

Once Upon An Adoption By Kevy_Grayce

Out Of Darkness By Starryknight09

Paint It Black Verse      By          Queen Of Crystallopia

Peter Parker: Future Hearts By Xseshatx

Pieces Of Echoes By Geekymoviemom

Single Parent Peter Parker By Prettymalfoy

Soul Stone Realm By Marvelmusicmystery

The New Normal By Baloobird

The Room Saga By Iamirondad

Tony Built A Son By Footloose_Poets

Tony Stark Is A Good Mentor By Happyaspie

Under Influence Writerstrash

Was That A Star Wars Reference, Dr. Stark? By Jen27ny

We Forgot Peter By Inkinmyheartandonthepage

Webcams And Webshooters By Losingmymindtonight

What Makes A Family By          Doctornineandthreequarters

What You Were Then I Am Today  By Madasthesea

Whumptober 2019 By Iron_Spider

 16. THE IN-PROGRESS ADVENTURE — What’s the story that has you checking your email each day, hoping for an update?

 - Is He Or Is He Not? By Omenthia_Arc

A Beautiful Lie By Rayrox360

A Difference In Husbandry By Happy_Cloud

A Perfect Storm            By Grilledcheesing

A Stark Contrast  By Melodicrunes

Ain't My Blood; Still My Boys By Parkrstark

All The Stars Align By Ashleyparker2815

And The Band Played On By Bobee

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It By Savana_Marlark

Beautiful Boy By Emily_Davison

Come Undone By Capiocapi

Contentiously Amiable By Ktoon

Dream In Colors Borrowed From The Sea By               By Buckets_Of_Stars

Every Beautiful Lie (Always Has An Ugly Truth) By Da_Moose

Fifteen Years In The Making By Potts89

Fire With Fire By Agentianlegend

Found Family By Thedisneyoutsider

Found Family  By          Thedisneyoutsider

How To Repair A Broken Heart By Influentialpineapple

If They Knew All About You By Mshermia

If You're Going Through Hell, Keep On Going By Baloobird

In Unlikely Places By Looneylizzie

In Unlikely Places By Looneylizzie

Lets Get On With Living (While We Can)         By Almond_Blossoms

Mr. Stark, Something Is Wrong By @Simping-For-Peggy

Not So Friendly By Ramble_On            

Only Going Over Home By Eccentric_Artist_221b

Outnumbered By Heartofcathedrals

Permanence By Theexhaustedalchemist

Peter’s New Step-Brother By Bowtiez

Priorities By Jlmonroe1234

Return To Me, The One I Love So Endlessly By Superherotiger

Rewind By Losingmymindtonight

Sleeping Through A Rogue Winter Storm By Pogokitten

Spider-Man: Avengers (And Midtown High) React By Gayplums

Survivors Guilt By Ember_Darla And Marvel_Cinematic_Universe_Fan

Tech Of Nondestructive Yakking          By Wabisabi

The Case Of The Missing Museum Bea-Storer By Ironmum

The Hero Of Our Own Story By Kingdomfaraway

The Many Adventures Of Iron Dad And Spider Son By Lbigreyhound13

This Warm Repair By Peterstank

Unforeseen Dangers By Starryknight09

Unto The Breach By Melissabosquez

Wanting To Be Better by  Mz_Supermanfan

We Can't Have Faith For Everybody By Hale13

Webcams And Webshooters (Series) By Losingmymindtonight

What If We Never Were? By Ladylangst

What Occurred In Raychester Castle By Fictionart

What You Were Then I Am Today By Madasthesea

With Great Care  By Giggles96

You Are My Sunshine By Iamconstantine

You Stay, I Go  By Cinnamonrollstark

 17. THE COMPLETE FIC THAT YOU CHERISH — Whether Or Not You’ve Got The Patience For An In-Progress Or Not, There’s A Wealth Of Complete Stories You Can Devour At Leisure Or All In One Coffee-Fuelled Binge. What’s Yours?

 5 Times Peter Fell, And Tony Caught Him. And The 1 Time Tony Didn’t. By Eva7673

5 Wishes Peter Didn't Ask For And The 1 He Did By Alice_In_Ink

A Peter Parker Problem By Spagbol99

A Soul's Best Friend By Superherotiger

Always Silent, Peter Darling By Lliblo

And You’ll Blow Us All Away By Losingmymingtonight

Because I Said So: Adventures In Parenting (With Commentary By Peter Parker) By Teamironmanforever

Come, My Darling, Homeward Bound By By Iamirondad

Coming Home By Inkinmyheartandonthepage

Darkness Will Be Rewritten By Marveal

Engine 12 By Bethy_277

Five Times David Didn't Understand What Was Going On With His Girlfriend's Nephew By Bumblie_Bee

Five Times Peter And Tony Chaotically Cleaned By Ironmum

Five Times Peter Was Tony’s Son And One Time Tony Was His Dad By Zojnks

Five Times Tony Stark Got To Be A Normal Dad By Captainstarsong

Good Publicity By Bergen

Heart Made Of Glass, My Mind Of Stone  By Princessironspider

HYDRA'S NOT A HOME (Series) By TEMPESTAURORA

I’m Here, Always By   By Rosesandribbons

Identity Crisis  By Kitcat992

If You’re Gonna Love Someone, Let It Be Me By  Ianalystark & Scooter3scooter

Intern Spider By Emily_F6

Let Me Pave The Path Until You Come Back (Series) By Elliahrose

Man In A Can By Jinxquickfoot

On The Other Side Of The Door           By Iron_Spider

Only For A Little While By By  Eccentric_Artist_221b

Only For A Little While By Eccentric_Artist_221b

Pupper Parker By Bean_Reads_Fanfic

Starlight, Star Bright By Mainstreamelectricalparade

Stars, Hide Your Fires By Yellowdistress

Stop, Look, Listen By Forthenightisdarkandfullofterror

The 5 Times Tony Stark Helped Peter Parker’s Reputation. (And The One Time Peter Helped His.) By Deductioniskey

The Darkest Hour Is Just Before The Dawn By             By Starryknight09

The Guardian By Emily_F6

The One Who Made It Out By Tiaylasglass

The Root Is Expectation By Yellowdistress

The Stars And The Moon They Have All Been Blown Out (You Have Left Me In The Dark) By Madasthesea

The Third Option By Uncertainty_Principle

Too Pure For Your Own Good By An_Odd_Idea

What Do I Need? By Scooter3scooter

Your Heart Changed (Mine Stayed The Same) By Loisselina (Loisselina)

   18. THE ONE THAT GAVE YOU ALL THE LOVE — We all love Irondad, but some stories come with bonus bonds that give us just as much. Do you have a Peter & Bucky, or a Peter & Steve working alongside which delivers all the found family goodness?

 5 Times Happy Hogan Nearly Had A Heart Attack Because Of Peter Parker By Thespydersargon

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Just Get It By Savana_Marlark

Between How It Is And How It Should Be By Frostysunflowers

Brighten Up, Sunshine By Iron_Spider

Give Him The Life, That I Couldn’t Give You   By Superherotiger

I Have A Nephew! By Zimnokurw

It Must Be Nice (To Have Mrs. Potts On Your Side By Sdottkrames

It Takes A Village (To Make Sure You're Okay) By Baloobird

Keeping Watch By Oreoluvr13

Kingdom Come Undone By Killerqueenwrites

Let Me Pave The Path Until You Come Back (Series)  By Elliahrose

Parallels   By Kianisabitch

Perfectly Parental By Bergen

Project: Get Bucky Barnes A Dog By Ruxian

Road Work Ahead By Toniwilder

Rules Are Made To Be Broken By Ironmum

Sea Of Expectations  By Astro_Cat13

The Darkest Hour Is Just Before The Dawn  By Starryknight09

The Definition Of Family By Queen (Ramble)

The Missing Lego Piece By Thedisneyoutsider

The Puzzle That Is Peter Parker  By Neuropsyche

Titles    By Aimaim94

When In The Dark By Kevy_Grayce

Will You Be My Found Family?   By Frostyqueen

Worst Summer Vacation By Mysterycyclone

  19. THE PROLIFIC WRITER AWARD — Irondad has some amazingly prolific writers. Which are the ones you’ve subscribed to get at that fic-wonder goodness of 10 works or more?

 14million_Constellations

Aimaim94

Aimaim94

Ashleyparker2815

Baloobird

Bean_Reads_Fanfic

Bowtiez

Buckets_Of_Stars

Buckets_Of_Stars

Capstar98

Cold_Nights_Summer_Days

Doctornineandthreequarters

Duskblue

Eccentric_Artist_221b

Emily_Davison

Emily_F6

Fictionalworldsareexquisite

Frostysunflowers

Grilledcheesing

Happyaspie

Hold_Our_Destiny

Iamalystark

Iamirondad

Icylightning

Imgoingtocrash

Inkinmyheartsandonthepage

Ironfamjam

Ironmum

Iron-Spider

Isnt_It_Pretty_To_Think_So

Jelly_Pies

Jen27ny

Jen27ny

Jolinarjackson

Joyful_Soul_Collector

Jwriter819

Killerqueenwrites

Killerqueenwritws

Kitkatwinchester

Littlemissagrafina

Littlemissagrafina

Losingmymindtonight

Madasthesea

Magicalyss

Maicaly

Mainstreamelectricalparade

Marvelous_Writer

Marvels_Blue_Phoenix

Mshermia

Myglassesaredirty

Nanixerka

O0citrusee0o

Parkrstark

Rosesandribbons

Sandyk

Scooter3scooter

Sdottkrames

Softdadironman

Starryknight09

Summerwolf

Superherotiger

Tempestaurora

Thedisneyoutsider

Thedumbestavenger

Turtle_Bean

Webtrinsic

Whumphoarder

Wisterispidey

Wolfypuppypiles

Xseshatx

Yellowdistress

  20. THE NEWBIE — New writers are joining the fandom all the time. Who’s the newbie (posting for 12 months or less) that’s delivering the good stuff for you?

 107thinfantry

Anoddidea

Asherkoyal

Baymax_13

Bung

Canonismybitch

Carpediem369

Carpediem369

Da_Moose

Eemolu

Emily_Davison

Fallingforbees

Forthenightisdarkandfullofterror

Freyaatterton

Frostyqueen

Imeanthatsprettysnazzy

Ironmum

Jinx_Frost

Just_Ppeachy

Kittybellestark

Krystalpomme

Lilacsoulw

Maicaly

Maicaly

Marvelousbutterfly

Marvelousbutterfly

Omenthia_Arc

Patrochilles_Trash

Penny4yourThoughts

Peters

Peterspajamas

Polaroid15

Punkybunny

Revengewitch

Rosesandribbons

Silverdraconyx

Skiesbluetoday

Spagbol99

Sunflowerspideyy

Thedisneyoutsider

Theexhaustedalchemist

Theweirdpersonnextdoor

Thisisnotourlasthunt

Winterturtle

Wolf5bane

 21. THE OG — Who’s the writer that’s been around for a while (12 months or more) that keeps you captivated?

 Aceofstars16

Aimaim94

Almond_Blossoms

Ashleyparker2815

Baloobird

Bean_Reads_Fanfic

Blueh

Bowtiez

Buckets_Of_Stars

Caraminha

Cold_Nights_Summer_Days

Doctornineandthreequarters

Duskblue

Eccentric_Artist_221b

Emily_F6

Evotter

Frostysunflowers

Geekymoviemom

Gremlinsr

Grilledcheesing

Grilledcheesing

Happyaspie

Iamirondad

Imgoingtocrash

Inkinmyheartandonthepage

Iron_Spider

Ironfamjam

Isnt_It_Pretty_To_Think_So

Jelly_Pies

Jen27ny

Jolinarjackson

Karenninaaa

Kevy_Grayce

Killerqueenwrites

Little_But_Mighty

Losingmymindtonight

Madasthesea

Marveal

Ms Hermia

Myglassesaredirty

Parkrstark

Rejectedmarvel

Scooter3scooter

Shoyzzart

Snarkymuch

Spooderboyandtincan

Starryknight09

Summerwolf

Superherotiger

Tempestaurora

Tonystarkissist

Trickster88

Webtrinsic

Whumphoarder

Whumphoarder

Wolfypuppypiles

Yellowdistress

 22. THE WILD CARD STORY — The story that does (or doesn’t) fit into the above categories but you believe deserves the prize. Which one is that for you?

 5 Times Peter Sleepwalked And The 1 Time He Pretended He Did    By Losingmymindtonight

A Beautiful Lie  By Rayrox360

A Fic Where Superior Iron Man Gets DECKED  By Nanixerka

A Peter Parker Problem, By Spagbol99

A Pressing Emergency By Whumphoarder

Aliens Really Are Out To Get You Aren't They?            By Some_Sort_Of_Trash

An Uncomfortable Issue By Summerartist

Bank Robber By Purplecat7

Born To Cherish By Ironfamjam

Career Day  By Superhusbands4ever (Potterwatch97)

Chickpea And Bleach Curry By S0lstice

Doing Good By Thestubb

Everyday Superhero By Stoneage_Woman

Father’s Day Troubles  By Willienillieflys

Five Time Faculty Members Had To Call Peter's Emergency Contact + 1 Time He Shows Up Anyway By Kingdomfaraway

Five Times Tony And Peter Chaotically Cleaned By Ironmum

From Mr. Stark To Tony  By 1minute

Glittering Green  By Aimingarrows

Guess I’m Not Good Enough  By Freyaatterton

I Can Hold The Weight Of Worlds (If That's What You Need) By              Bluesweatshirt

I Will Soften Every Edge By Losingmymindtonight

I’m Not Telling Him. Period By Scooter3scooter

Inimitable By Ephemeralstark

Irondad NSAP (Series) By Chvotic

Irondad NSAP  By Chvotic

Kids Suck, But You're Great By Gymlily06

Kids Suck, But You're Great By Gymlily06

Long Gone | Marvel Au  By Strangerlyparker

Nothing Wrong With Being Yourself  By Kitkatwinchester

Play By Losingmymindtonight

Play      By          Losingmymindtonight

Research And Disaster By Blueh

Secret  By Aimaim94

Tall Skies By Black_Briar

Tech Of Non-Destructive Yakking By Wabisabi

The Case Of The Tyrannical Two By Ironfamjam

The Ghost Of Heroes By Enigmaris & Scarletnightfury

The Ghost Of Heroes By Enigmaris & Scarletnightfury

The Long Way Round  By Undeerqueen

The Peter Parker Conspiracy  By Tempestaurora

The Real Hero  By Jilycslove

The Reinvention Of Tony Stark By Losingmymindtonight

The Reinvention Of Tony Stark By Losingmymindtonight

The Right Call   By Boleyn13

The Stark Family, By Tonystarkissist

Things That Make It Warm  By Dredfulhapiness

This Ride Is A Wild One             By Just_Ppeachy

We Are Family  By Icylightning

What You're Feeling Is Probably Normal By Finny3120

Winterturtle    By A Different Kind Of Suprise

Wrong Number Kid By Blackshadow030930

iexist in two places, here and where you are by mindshelter

 ART 1 — DIGITAL MEDIA - Who has those PhotoShop skills, who makes the best mood boards? We have some wonderful artists in the Irondad fandom, and we’re here to celebrate them. Who's your favorite artist?

  @blackchessknight (tumblr)

@broskepol (tumblr)

@itsybitsyspiderling (tumblr)

@kitcat992(tumblr)

@monireh (tumblr)

@spidey-art (tumblr)

@steviesboy (Tumblr)

@superherotiger (tumblr)

  ART 2 — SKETCHES  — Who has the skills with the original medium of art in sketches? Whose pencil can create the characters we love best?

 @broskepol (Tumblr)

@dakt37 (Tumblr)

@monireh89 (Tumblr)

Ellarie.png (Instagram)

@dchanberry (Tumblr)

  ART 3 — CARTOONS — Chibis, Manga, Anime, who can create the very best?

 @Maryo274 (Tumblr)

@yes-i-am-happyaspie (Tumblr)

@maryo274 (Tumblr)

@akira-akatsuki (Tumblr)

@mjscorner (Tumblr)

Ellarie.png (Instagram)

Ironkrispies (Instagram)

 ART 4 — FANVID — Some of the greatest creators are the ones that match the music to the mood, find the perfect scenes to make us laugh and cry. Who does that for you?

 Emsxworld

all my life || tony & peter (father/son au) by akapotatogirl

tony stark & peter parker | ashes by mythicalroyalty

mblaqminoz

My Dad's a Hero to Me by MsMorganStark

You Are The Reason l Tony Stark & Peter Parker by Chocolala

Tony Stark & Peter Parker (Adoption Au) || Home by andrea d

Ellaire.png (Instagram)

Tony Stark & Peter Parker | A Stark Family AU | Home by Ineffable Films

  ART 5 — BEST IRON FAMILY FANART — Who can create those feeling of Ironfam with their art? Who captures the characters we love in that iconic family.

 @superherotiger (Tumblr)

@broskepol (Tumblr)

ellarie.png (Instagram)

@moonestaly (Tumblr)

@spidey_art (Tumblr)

@peterokii (Tumblr)

 ART 6 — MOST HEARTBREAKING FANART — Art can move us to tears. Who captures those moments and brings tears to your eyes?

 @cottoncandyofterror (Tumblr)

@eccentric_artist_221b (Tumblr)

@spidey-art (Tumblr)

@superherotiger (Tumblr)

Artinggrace (Instagram)

Ellarie.png (Instagram)

 ART 7 — BEST HURT/COMFORT — Who captures the pain of the moment best for you?

 @broskepol (Tumblr)

@chocolala

@spidey-art (Tumblr)

@tonystarkissist (Tumblr)

I will always love you (no matter what...) by @monireh (Tumblr)

 ART 8 — THE WILD CARD ART— The art that does (or doesn’t) fit into the above categories but you believe deserves the prize. Which one is that for you?

 @cainternn (Tumblr)

@Iwritedumbshit (Tumblr)

@rhymewithrachel (Tumblr)

Hannssm (Instagram)

[annabethy]

39. Having a bad day and the other noticing (pls give us percabeth cuddles pleaseeee)

baby fever

in which annabeth has baby fever in more way than one (i strayed from the prompt im sorry)

Today is really not Annabeth’s day. The house was a mess, toys and blankets thrown all over the living room, and she���s sure that she looks no better. She knows without a doubt that if she were to look into the mirror, she would be scarred by the extent of the circles under her eyes.

She just wants to have a nice chat to whoever told her having a baby would be fun.

Her day isn’t made any better when the baby starts crying from the couch Annabeth had precariously set her on top of. She feels guilty for a second because what type of mom puts their two-month-old on the couch where they could roll off, but it quickly dissipates when she reminds herself that she’s only a few feet away, and the baby is surrounded by mountains of pillows.

As Annabeth picks up the baby, resting the infant’s head against her chest, she feels alarmingly like crying. The baby has been crying on and off for hours, more than she usually did, and Annabeth was lost. She figures that her daughter was getting sick, which broke her heart, and judging from the way everything around Annabeth felt hot, her throat sore, she thinks she’s getting sick too.

The next few hours are no different. Annabeth lays on the couch with her baby laying on top of her, and she just stares at her, feeling sick and teary eyed, and entirely too emotional for a million different reasons. She never realized how hard it was being a parent before now when everything terrified her.

It really is the hardest job she’ll ever love.

Annabeth was always a risk taker. Life didn’t scare her before she had a kid. But now? Now she has so much to lose, and everything posed a threat. She wants to desperately to protect her daughter, but she’s quickly learning she can’t control everything. Giving up power is not something she ever thought she’d struggle so much with.

Still, she can’t believe that she created something so perfect. Sophia was so small with the cutest nose that Annabeth had to resist kissing every time it scrunched as the baby yawned. She had the lightest blonde tufts of hair and Percy’s green eyes that she had fallen in love with so long ago. Sophia is the perfect representation of them and everything they had worked so hard to create.

Annabeth glances at the clock, internally cursing when she sees Percy still won’t be home for another hour. Despite how in love with Sophia she is, she is also bordering what she thinks may be chronic fatigue and she wants her husband here to take over so she can sleep for a good few days. There is a pounding in her head that has started up, and she closes her eyes to stop the light from flooding in.

She isn’t entirely sure when she dozed off, but the next thing she knows, the room is dark and Percy is leaning over her, a soft smile on his face. He stays silent as he lets her wake up, his thumb stroking her cheek slowly. After a few seconds, he leans forwards to press a kiss to her cheek.

“Hey, you,” he says lightly. His hand goes to rest on the back of their daughter, who is still laying on Annabeth’s stomach, eyes closed and sucking on her pacifier. “It’s almost eight.”

“Mhm.”

“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice staying with the gentle hum.

“My head hurts,” she mumbles. “And my tummy and my entire body.”

“Uh oh.”

Annabeth shifts slightly, still slowly blinking the sleep away. She locks eyes with Percy again, who is now looking at her with sympathy.

Percy takes one look around the house. “It looks like a tornado blew through here.”

“Give me a break.”

“Bad day?” he whispers, but there’s a smirk pulling at his lips.

“How’d you know?”

“Just a feeling,” he says, stifling laugher. “That, and you texted me asking me to kill you, so.”

“Raising a baby is hard,” she says, smiling tiredly when Percy slowly crawls over her. He’s careful not to settle his weight on top of the baby, instead forcing himself down between her and the couch. He lets her rest her head on his arm, pressing one, two kisses to her lips.

“I know,” he says between repeated kisses. “You’re doing amazing.”

“Or I was until my baby got me sick. I love her, but I am personally insulted.”

Percy snickers. “As you should be.”

They fall back into silence, watching their baby sleep. Her hand is curled into a tiny fist she holds above her, her face turned to the side. Her tiny test rises and falls with every breath she takes, and Annabeth tries desperately not to move as to not disturb the peace.

“Can you believe it?” Percy asks. “This is our baby.”

“We make cute babies.”

“Does that mean that we can have more babies?”

“I would like very much to not experience giving birth again, thank you,” Annabeth says, turning her head to the side.

Percy pouts. “Never? Not even for me?”

Annabeth sighs dramatically. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s so a yes. I mean, how could you not want another one of these?” Percy’s hard goes to rest softly on their baby’s back again.

“Stop it,” she warns. “We can’t talk about this while I’m looking into the eyes of my child. It’s a biased conversation.”

“You getting baby fever?” he jokes.

“In more way than one,” she replies. Percy frowns again, and his hand goes to touch at her forehead before dropping to his side.

“You’re warm,” he says, nuzzling her neck with his nose. “Why don’t you go to sleep?”

“I was sleeping until you so kindly woke me up.”

Percy kisses her nose in apology. “Let’s go to bed then. We can just snuggle our baby all night.”

She wants so badly to do just that. She’s so exhausted and just holding her baby, wrapping tightly in Percy arms, sounds like the perfect way to end the day. But the baby is finally asleep, and the house is a mess.

“I have to clean,” she says, glancing around the room that looks like it exploded.

Percy shrugs. “We can take care of that tomorrow. Right now, I want to cuddle both of my babies.”

“I guess I can live with that,” she says, but she makes no effort to move. She doesn’t know that she has the energy to do anything anymore.

And so Percy sits up, taking the baby from her arms and holding her up to his own chest. She’s so tiny compared to Percy, but he’s being so gentle it melts her heart. He pulls Annabeth up with one hand, but before she can follow him, she takes a step back to just look at him and everything they’ve created.

Being a parent truly is terrifying. It’s near impossible, and she felt like she made a mistake every day. But then in times like these, with Percy looking at her like she’s the only thing in the world, she thinks that she’d do it a thousand times over.

[lovee-infected]

By my side

♥Leona Kingscholar ♥

Art credit

Well it still isn't too late to offer our dear Lion a bitter-sweet birthday gift , right ? Let him let go of his sad past and find happiness in this birthday night

...Sometimes I wondered why would I be even given birth to if this was the point life was going to drive me into ? If this was how it was supposed to be , I wished to never be born . Living without needing and to be needed , wanting and to be wanted , loving and to be loved was nothing different from death , some are given birth to by mistake , could it be that I as well was a mistake ? I was pretty sure that I was until something later changed my mind

Preview : Years has passed , each filled with dread , hatred , loneliness and dishonor . Unwanted pains shattering his heart to pieces , unexplainable emotions no one around him would ever care to imagine , endless tears fallen from his eyes over the years on his lonely corners , injured heart of him which no one ever cared to heal... But from now , things are going to be different . This year will be his new start because he has you by his side

Why did I always have to be the second one ...?

They say you've got to live your and only your life , that the only one holding you back from your dreams is you , that you can be anything if you try your hardest , and I tried

No , it wasn't only trying . I lived for my goal . I lived to become the strongest , I lived to be the one who brought honor to my family's name , I lived to pull myself out my brother's shadow , I lived to change my unwanted fate...but I couldn't . I cut back on my everything , my free time , my friends , my family , my own self . All to have my time to focus on my powers , to be an almighty magician . As I grew stronger , I begun to bring fear along myself. I got warned that I'm going way further than I ever should but it didn't matter . I still needed to be stronger , strong enough to prove that I'm worthy of being the next king

Farena brought light wherever he went and I brought...shadows . Shadows reflecting the terrifying darkness taming into my soul . I thought these would turn me into a worthy heir to my kingdom but they didn't , they turned me into something others called terrifying . Fearful . Greedy . Monster

My brother himself tried to hold me back for many times but I didn't listen , thinking that he was afraid of my strength which I thought had surpassed him so far . Even if it wasn't his purpose , this wasn't going to hold me back from the path I'd chosen ; it was too late

All they could see was my stunning powers growing more and more fearful day by day , slowly turning into a threat . No one ever saw what it took me to get to this point , no one ever cared . While children were playing outside and enjoying their short lasting carefree days , I had locked my self inside my hidden training spot , spending hours each day all alone there . Learning everything on your own isn't really pleasant , specially when no one's there to tell you how harmful magic can be . I was covered in dust and bruises each day after training , I even passed away of tire too many times right there

I have to admit...It doesn't really matter how much I grow . A part of me will always remain child because I sacrificed my time to be a child when I had to enjoy it . Yeah , there's an extremely annoying cry baby hiding inside me... It came clear to me again on the day of my nephew's birthday , the day life proved me that I can never change my path , no matter how much I try , no matter how much I lose , no matter how much cry , no matter how much I suffer

All those pain , loneliness , hours of crying and wiping blood off my body was a waste . Not because I didn't try , no dear it wasn't ever my fault . It was this life . It wasn't ever fair...

That child...This was the end of me . The only thing I fought for , my very last chance to get all I ever wanted out of my life . Why?...why?? I gave up my all just to be respected ! To be looked up to ! To be wanted !! Didn't I lose enough...?

I couldn't take it anymore , I couldn't . I had lost my purpose to live , to breath , to exist . Suicide would've been a pretty simple and shameful way to end it all , but you won't believe it if I tell how many time I was too close to doing it . The story of the infamous king Scar was getting reflected into my life . I was becoming what I refused to be , I didn't want to be like him , I didn't want to be the monster he became but...Not everything always goes as you expect , right ?

When I announced that I'll be heading to Night Raven College , everyone knew that I'd finally given up to my dark side . I was no longer afraid of becoming the monster they warned me about ; this was my path

I started a new life with entering Night Raven College or this is what I thought . No was there to look down to me for my neglected past and that was enough for me , enough to not suffer much more . My mind finally came to a more stable zone , somehow I could pull some parts of my shattered personality together and that seemed to be good...but the holes in my heart , there was no way to get rid of them . Loneliness , pain and , isolation took more than having a more stable life to be forgotten , but I never knew that my medicine would one day come to me on their own

I used to think that you were just as empty as I was , perhaps even a lot weaker with not a single sight of magic inside you . May seem rude but I believe that was the first thing that made me have an interest in you : You made me feel superior . Don't hate my dear , but that's just how I grew up . Being compared to my brother my whole life and receiving endless critiques and blames on it . You do understand , don't you ? Told you , those holes in my heart needed to be filled . Bullying you was just a small part of it

Back then , you were nothing more than a child in my eyes . Your will to make a change and save others sounded pathetic to me ; not just because I looked down to you as a human , but rather because I saw myself inside you ; my unfulfilled wishes and useless tries . This was how I expected you to end up , just like me . But you didn't

Overblot may be counted as my most terrifying form , but it isn't the only the thing you saw through me . That was the very first time I show you the others how empty I was , how weak I felt . I revealed my holes and that made me feel unsafe

Considering how I was wrong about being superior to you and the way you saw how measurable and weak I could be , I wouldn't have been fascinated if you too had started looking down to me as a loser . It was odd of you to try and get closer to me instead , no wonder why I kept rejecting you at first . You were stubborn and I was moody , I didn't really like the two of us getting much closer . Helping you take back the Ramshackle dorm was supposed to be our very last business together but , I'm thankful that you didn't give up on me . I accepted the two of us becoming friends since you insisted , but I'd never imagined what great changes were coming to my life by letting you in

Your powerless self which I used to make fun of , became a way for me to spend sometime forgetting how strong my magic would be or how important it can be in my life . Having ice cream together , taking walks , talking like two friends would , these were nothing special but they were all new to me . I had to accept that it was nice having you around , finally someone that wasn't as annoying as the others

Finally I gained enough self-esteem to speak of my personal issues , stuff that were bothering me over the years . I didn't want you to do anything about them , I just needed a listener . But to see how you cried hearing my pain... I- I wasn't ever expecting that . You were not only the first one to know but also the first to care...that shook my heart

When you said that you wanted me to spend more time with my family specially brother and nephew , I couldn't help but to laugh it off . But the way you actually forced me into doing it seemed to by quite childish at first . I was too selfish to even call my brother but you were there to force me into doing it - It felt like you were my mum sitting next to phone to see if I talk politely or not, but it worked out anyway

As the time passed , many things changed . Our small friendship was now way further than were it once was , specially now that I look how you changed me and my life over

Farena and I are now much better than we used to be , I can now really feel like I have someone as my older brother , not a symbol to be compared with . My family now check on my casually asking how I am doing . I still refuse to go home since I still have a lot to take care of here , but I can somehow feel that I as well missed them too . For so long I thought that I was forgotten , invisible and unwanted . But after you showing up in my life , I can finally see what it means to be alive

My dear (y/n) , I'm still learning to be a better me and need you by my side to learn me how to , so I'm not yet prepared to tell you how I feel . I kept on learning to be a great magician for years and now , it's time for me to learn to be a great lover , someone worthy of your love and attention , someone you'd like to remain by his side for eternity

I love you (y/n) , not just because of giving me all I needed for my whole life , not because of making me feel like I have a real family after the years , not because of helping me gain all respect and honor I always wanted to have , but for showing me that my path as well can be changed

Tonight here I am with my family , friends and you by my side , celebrating a date I called filthy for the past 20 years of my life :

" Happy birthday Leona! "

The crybaby inside me isn't going to shut the hell tonight- I know that I shouldn't cry but , I can't help it . My first tears in front on someone else than myself fall not because of pain this time , but due to the unbelievable happiness and joy my heart has drowned into . I look at you , your bright smile giving me straight and your beautiful eyes keeping on bringing light to soul . Even if my birth was a mistake , I would mow say that it's the most beautiful mistake that could have ever happened in my life

My family , my friends , and my beloved (y/n) , I need them all , and I'm glad to see that they as well need me . I want them in my life , and I'm proud that they as well want me . I love you (y/n) and I would die to see that you too love me , but even if you don't , that will never change my feelings for you . For the first time in my life , I feel alive . And it's all thanks to you , because of you by my side

I can't help but to hug you tight , feeling your warmth close to me . Digging my head into your shoulder as I let go of heavy tears in my eyes : " Thank you , (y/n)..."

♦♥♠♣

Tagging : @ji-yaaan @lilyholo @yandere-wishes

[pink-peony-princess]

Isn't She Lovely?

"Please, please go to sleep" I whispered desperately, as I rocked back and forth in the small room. Gracie our one month old daughter was distraught, I'd tried everything feeding her burping her, changing her, laying her down, rocking her and still she was crying. I was at the end of my wit and I really didn't know what to do. To make matters worse Shawn, the love of my life and husband of six months had gone out for the day with his little sister and even though he told me before he left to call if I needed abything, I was reluctant. This was his first full day off from work as an E.R. doctor in almost a month. Normally he'd spend the day with me and Gracie and he'd tried to do the same thing today, but I was insistent when his sister contacted him that he spend the day with her. The last thing I wanted was to get in the way of that.

But I was really starting to regret it now. It felt like no matter what I did, nothing would stop the unchecked sobs that left poor Gracie's mouth, her face was red and blotchy from the tears and her skin clammy from the force she was exuding.

"Sshh, sshh," I lulled, trying to comfort her, but it was no use, my voice could barely be heard over her cries. Finally I gave up, placing her in her crib which only caused her to cry harder and went down stairs to find the formula which we kept on hand for times like this when there was no other solution. For some reason she always seemed to settle when she was fed formula. Strange, maybe, but it worked, and I wasn't about to say no to something that might calm her down. We were both exhausted.

I made the bottle quickly rushing around the kitchen, conscious of the fact that she was upstairs squawking her little head off. I was just heading back up stairs when I remembered her dummy on the counter and turned back to get it,but there must have been water on the floor from when I was rinsing the bottle that I'd somehow missed, because the last thing I was aware of was falling and not being able to catch myself, whacking my head on the counter,landing harshly on the floor and then black.

The next thing I was aware of was the vague sound of a lock being turned and then a shadow in the doorway to the kitchen which I couldn't quite make out in my hazy state before a frantic voice yelled out, way to loudly for my pounding head,

"Shawn, you need to get in here now!"

There was the sound of quick footsteps, only making my head hurt more, before Shawn was squatting down so his face was level with mine. I had never seen him look as worried in all the time I'd known him than he did right now. His brows furrowed, mouth tipped slightly downwards as he studied me.

"Baby, what happened? Why is Gracie crying? Are you okay?" he fired question after question at me, but my brain was still too frazzled to take much in.It felt like when you wake up from an extra long nap and you're all disoriented. And all I could take in was pain, both my head and side were throbbing and I couldn't help but hold my side around my ribs in a weak attempt to stop it hurting.

The look of concern only grew at my silence. Finally the gravity of the situation actually hit me and it all came flooding back, Gracie's crying,my unsuccessful attempts to pacify her, the kitchen and my fall.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I sobbed into his chest, tears now streaming down my face. "It's okay baby, tell me what happend? Aaliyah would you go and get Gracie please?" he asked, looking up at her from the floor.

She nodded, and left the room quickly ,leaving us alone momentarily.

"I'm so sorry," I continued to mumble into his chest between sobs as Shawn rubbed soothing circles into my back, waiting patiently for me to calm down enough to explain what had happened. I must have looked like a complete mess.

"Baby, I'm not mad, I promise," he whispered leaning back again to look at me. "I'm just worried, you scared me so bad," he admitted, kissing the top of my head. "Now what happened?"

I just looked at him still feeling overwhelmed and guilty. How could I let this happen?

"Tell me what happend?" he whispered again, brushing the hair out of my face.

"I was coming down here to get the formula, she's been crying all day, and I'm so tired and sore Shawn!" I hiccupped.

"Why didn't you tell me, honey? You should have called or texted," he half scolded, but I could tell his heart wasn't in it.

"And I feel so stupid, I can't even get my own baby to feed properly and she's crying all the time, and my scar is excruciating," I cried. My C-section scar had been hurting for a little over a week now and when I'd looked at it, it looked red and I knew it was probably infected, but I was too scared to do anything about it, so this was the first time Shawn was hearing about it.

"Hey, the last thing you are is stupid, I don't ever want to hear you say that again," he spoke fiercely. "You are the mother of my child and the love of my life." He kissed my hair softly.

"Can I have a look?" he asked, moving to lift my top up.

I nodded, letting him know it was okay.

He lifted the fabric and there was the scar looking more red and angry than ever.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?" he asked searching my face. The worst part wasn't the pain I was in, but the fact that he looked genuinely hurt that I hadn't asked him for help. I really couldn't tell you what had stopped me, but the way he looked at me now made me feel so guity. I let out a whimper as he gently touched the area surrounding the wound testing for I don't know what.

"Baby this is infected. You'll need antibiotics and cream for this," he explained, moving to sit on the floor in front of me, taking my hands in his.

"Promise me next time, you'll tell me okay. Even if you think it's nothing okay. You know I'm always here for you." he squeezed my hands gently as he spoke. I nodded not trusting my voice as I felt a new wave of tears coming.

"I didn't want to worry you, you were out with Liyah, and I didn't want to bother you." I paused unsure of how to go on.

Thankfully he seemed to understand and broke the silence for me.

"You've knocked your head on something honey, you've got a small cut above your left eyebrow." He reached up to the bench grabbing the kitchen towel roll and tapping at my face gently, before showing me the red paper.

"It's not as bad as it could be, but I'll still need to clean it."

"I can do it," I insisted. He frowned, clearly disapproving. He knew I didn't like it when he went all medical on me.

"Lilah, no offense baby, but you're in no state to be doing anything medically related right now. You're clearly exhausted, you've hit your head and from the way you're holding your side I'd bet you've bruised a few ribs."

"Come on, let's go into the bathroom and we'll get you cleaned up and you can have a nice long bath, with some Epsom salts and I'll see about getting you on some antibiotics and cleaning your scar okay?" he smiled encouragingly.

I went to open my mouth, but he stopped me mid-word, holding his finger to my lips with a smile. "No buts, I know you don't like it when I worry, but it's my job, both as your husband and as a doctor, please let me do it."

He led me into the bathroom, helping me to sit down on the closed lid of the toilet seat, before reaching up into the cabinet and pulling the giant first aid box down.

"You know," he spoke as he opened it up and surveyed the contents for a moment. "Asking for help doesn't make you a bad mum. If anything it'll make you an even better mum- if that's even possible," he smiled. "Because you will have the support there when you need it. Me your mum, my mum even are Aaliyah are all here for you Lilah."

I dropped my head as what he was saying sank in. I could have avoided all of this if I'd just swallowed my pride and asked for help.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again.

"Baby, you don't need to be sorry," he murmured coming over to stand in from of me holding what looked like cotton swabs. "Head up for me honey," he spoke, tapping under my chin with his pointer finger.

I lifted my head as he asked and made the mistake of looking him in the eye. That was all it took for another round of tears fuelled by exhaustion and humiliation to well up as I faught to stop them falling again.

"I'm just going to wipe the blood away so I can see the cut a little better okay?" he asked, stepping closer so his legs were on either side of mine. I nodded, trying to be brave.

Once he'd cleaned by head up and placed a plaster on it for good measure he turned his attention to my scar. "Lift your top for me again Princess?" he asked as he turned to get more cotton swabs, disinfectant and cream from the box.

"This is going to sting, I'm sorry honey," he warned as he poured the yellowish liquid onto one of the swabs and moved to pull the fabric of my shirt up further."Ready?" he asked, watching me carefully.

I nodded,clenching my fists. "Try to relax honey," he encouraged, dropping my shirt and placing a comforting hand on my thigh instead.

Sure enough as soon as the liquid came into contact with my skin I wanted to scream.

"Deep breathes Lilah," he encouraged as he wiped the area a few times. "Nearly done."

I tried my hardest to not move, but I couldn't help he whimper that slipped through my lips. Shawn frowned, his hand giving my thigh a slight squeeze.

"What do you want to have for dinner tonight bub? I could do Carbonara?" I knew he was trying to distract me from what he was doing, but I was greatful. It gave me something to do other than focus on the intense burning that was still eminating from my stomach.

"That would be nice," I smiled, I could feel my stomach rumbling at the thought.

"Okay, we'll do that and we can have a movie night how does that sound?" he asked as he finally removed the swab,and placed it in the bin.

"How you feeling Lilah?" Aaliyah asked a few minutes later, stepping into the bathroom as Shawn wiped some soothing care onto the area.

Gracie was now asleep in her arms, no hint of the earlier upset apparent on her face. She looked like a sleeping angel.

Shawn placed the cream on the counter and went over to take Gracie gently from his sister kissing her softly on the head as she fidgeted slightly getting comfortable in her daddy's arms. I could just make out him speaking softly to her, " I heard you've been giving your mommy a hard time little lady, maybe save that for when daddy's home so we can play two man defense," he whispered.

I couldn't help but laugh at the way he spoke as though she could understand everything he was saying.

"Hey, who said you could listen in, this is a private conversation between me and my girl." he hugged her closer to his chest a fake scowl on his face as she grabbed a fist full of his shirt in her sleep,

"She's half mine," I quipped back with a grin.

"Touche," he smiled, rubbing the bridge of her nose with a feather light touch watching as she scrunched it in response.

"How about you take a bath honey, I'll start getting dinner going," he suggested as he carefully passed Gracie back Aaliyah.

"But what about Gracie?" I asked.

"Her aunty has her hey baby," Aaliyah smiled down at Gracie from the doorway.

I smiled, I knew that between Aaliyah and Shawn they could handle her, so I nodded and they both left, though Shawn not before placing a soft kiss to my temple and whispering an "I love you."

...

It was several hours later and Shawn had made dinner and put Gracie down, Aaliyah having left leaving Shawn and I to cuddle on the sofa 10 things I hate about you playing softly on the T.V. though I was so tired from the day's events that I wasn't really paying attention to the movie, instead enjoying the warmth radiating from Shawn his soft breathing lulling me further into sleep.

"I'm sorry if you felt like you couldn't tell me," he murmured as he traced patterns into my thigh.

I sighed, snuggling into him more.

"It's okay, it's me, it's just all new, and I guess I wasn't expecting it to be so hard," I admitted.

"You know, I'm always here right, whenever you need me, my family comes before anything."

"I know." And I did know, Shawn was never exactly quiet about his love of protectiveness of us.

"You and Gracie are my life," he spoke.

Just as he said that a soft whine started from down the hallway signalling that she'd woken.

I sighed going to get up,"No," he spoke firmly, pushing me gently so I was forced back into my little cacoon on the sofa. "I'll go."

"Are you sure, I'm fine to get her," I started.

"Babe, you've had a tough day,let me look after my girls," he pleaded with the best puppy dog eyes I'd ever seen, even for him.

I nodded, letting him go, watching as he made his way down the hall and into our daughter's room.

A few moments later he returned, little Gracie in nothing but a nappy due to the hot summer night, her whines having turned into soft little grunts as she lay on Shawn's shoulder.

"Hi bubba," I sang as Shawn sat down again, moving her to his right shoulder so I could keep talking to her. "What are you doing up so late ha? You're gonna be so tired in the morning little lady." As if on cue she started crying again, more forcefully than before.

I sat up holding my hands out ready to take her, a reflex reaction, but Shawn shook his head "I wanna try something," he told me, shifting her slightly and unbuttoning his shirt to show his toned chest. Her placed Gracie down and as soon as her skin touched his she settled. I smiled, watching the cute scene unfold before me.

"She knows daddy's got her and it's all okay,hey baby," he cooed softly and unapologetically, rubbing firm comforting circles into her back. "I can't believe we made her," he whispered in awe minutes later when she'd fallen back to sleep, resting soundly on Shawn.

"I can, but isn't she lovely," I moved to ever so softly stroke her hair, it was like angel's hair, still perfect,she was perfect, still so innocent, oblivious to the big bad world outside our perfect little family.

"She's the most lovely girl in the world, she takes after her mommy like that," Shawn smiled, turning to peak me on the lips. And in that moment I felt that everything in the world was right. That no matter what happened I would always have my perfect little family and that was all I needed.

[cuntess-carmilla]

Nicole Saavedra

TW: Graphic lesbophobic violence, torture, corrective rape, murder, general lesbophobia.

Nicole Saavedra, aged 23, was a working-class, brown “camiona” (butch lesbian) from El Melón, Valparaíso. On June 18th, 2016, she went missing for a week after partying with her friends. She spent the night with them instead of going home because, as she told her mom through text, it wasn’t safe for her to go out alone when it was so dark, so she’d go back home the next morning instead. No one saw her after her friends left her at around 7 am on her bus stop.

During her disappearance, her mom and cousin took immediate action once it was clear something was wrong. Carabineros and the Investigation Police, according to Nicole’s cousin, did very little to help at all, so the family organized searches with other relatives and her friends.

María Bahamondes, Nicole’s cousin, says that on the 6th day she got the sudden sickening feeling that Nicole was no longer alive. From then on, her prayers stopped being in the hopes of finding her. All she hoped for was to find her body.

On June 25th, around 10 am, her body was found with her hands tied behind her back, and with multiple signs of having been tortured. Her autopsy revealed that she died approximately 30 hours before they found her body, with the cause of her death being several hits on the back of the head with a blunt object. Through discharge left in her body, they declared that she was correctively raped, too.

For THREE YEARS Valparaíso’s “justice” system did NOTHING after they found her body. The case passed by FOUR prosecutors.

From the very start, after they found her body, they knew that though her wallet and money were still with her, Nicole’s phone was missing. The family asked the police and prosecution repeatedly to track her phone’s activity and for more DNA tests. They told them they didn’t have “enough money” to do either – which César Astudillo, the Quillota prosecutor (not the prosecutor of Nicole’s case), later deemed a lie in a short interview with Chilevisión in 2019.

Nicole’s family says too that whenever they requested meetings with the prosecutor in charge of the case, they’d go to their appointment and he wouldn’t show up.

The “Movilh” (Homosexual Integration and Liberation Movement), the biggest Chilean LGBT activist group, directed by notorious misogynist Rolando Jiménez, denied help to Nicole’s family when they begged for it, because according to them it wasn’t “clear” that the motive behind her murder was lesbophobia – despite the clear evidence that it was, and despite how as soon as a well off, white, cis gay man gets as little as a dirty look in Chile, the Movilh riots. Anything the Movilh touches becomes immediate news in Chile. They could have given real, tangible help, but chose not to.

It wasn’t until a journalist from the BBC (Megha Mohan), reported on the case (including reporting on the calculated disdain for it), that Valparaíso’s police were pushed to do something.

After such miraculous international visibility forced them to take it seriously, they did what her family begged from the start; tracking her phone’s activity. They found the son of a bitch pretty fucking soon once they did so.

Víctor Pulgar was working as a bus driver when Nicole’s friends left her at that bus stop the morning after partying together. Not only did he kidnap, torture, correctively rape and murder Nicole. After he killed her, he went the extra step in rubbing salt on the wound, and stole her phone so he could SELL IT to his niece. He made MONEY out of his crime against Nicole.

They found her body merely 30 hours after she died, seven days after her disappearance. If they had found her in time, if they had fucking CARED, Nicole might still be alive. Scarred for life, but alive.

Insult to the injury, #1: at the time that Nicole’s crime happened, Pulgar should’ve already been in jail for raping an underage girl. Insult #2: after Nicole’s crime, he raped ANOTHER underage girl. Insult #3: After Pulgar was identified as her murderer, the Movilh posted about her case online as if they ever gave a shit about her. Her cousin had to come online and tell that they never gave a fuck.

Pulgar risks life in prison now (as of January 6th, 2020), which is the most he can get by the Chilean justice system, but it’s nowhere near enough. I wish him to suffer. I wish him to suffer twice as much as he made Nicole suffer and I hope hell is real so he’s tortured there once he dies, for the rest of eternity.

Nicole, I’ve cried for you so many times. My heart twists thinking of you, of all the pain you went through for the mere crime of Breathing While Dyke, in a world in which a woman who categorically refuses herself to men is an honest to God criminal who must be punished and corrected, especially if she has the gall to be masculine at that. Not to mention brown and working-class.

My heart breaks thinking of your poor mother, who had to face the knowledge that her only baby was put through such horrible things and taken from her at such a young age, after an excruciating week, that must have felt never ending, of crying and looking for you.

My heart breaks too for your cousin, who was more of a sister to you. For both her and your mother, who beyond just knowing of your crime to horrendous detail, had to face the twice as horrifying reality that no one fucking cared about it.

I’m so sorry this world keeps failing us, Nicole. I hope that wherever you are, you can rest now that they found him. I hope that if anything exists beyond this life, you’re at a place where someone or something is making up to you for all that you suffered your whole life at the hands of lesbophobia. That you’re being glazed in eternal light, love, peace and joy.

Though Nicole’s case is the one that hit me the hardest (simply because it happened after I had already, if reluctantly, accepted my dykehood), I cannot forget the also murdered Mónica Briones, María Pía Castro, Susana Sanhueza, Anna Cook, and the cases of violence against Carolina Torres, and the lesbian couple aged 20 and 21 who were verbally harassed, called “mariconas”, falsely accused of stealing, retained and beaten by guards and salesmen at the Ripley store in the Costanera Center mall. My heart breaks for all of them, and for every other Chilean lesbian whose name and story I don’t know, but who this world betrayed too.

[paperbodiesamongthestars]

Billy has been to a lot of therapy in the five years since he died, and he feels like he’s dealt with a lot of his anger about his past. He feels less resentment toward his mother and Susan, who both could have made different choices but didn’t, and if he didn’t actually forgive Neil before the fucker drank himself to death, he hardly ever thinks about him anymore, and that’s a kind of freedom. He still goes to therapy, every other week, because between his shitty homophobic dad, and all the stuff he did while he was possessed by some nightmare creature, and actually dying at the fucking mall of all places, there’s a lot to unpack. He just isn’t as angry about all of it as he used to be.

No, the anger that Billy still feels, that keeps him up at night sometimes, that drives him to the gym a few times a week to beat the shit out of a punching bag, isn’t about his past anymore—it’s about Steve’s past. Steve has been to his fair share of therapy in the past few years too, what with the monsters and the Russians and all that time alone in his awful, empty house, but Billy still sees the scars from his past sometimes. In the way that Steve’s fingers sometimes twitch like he’s going to reach out for Billy, and then he stops himself, like any amount of affection from Steve Harrington could ever be considered too much. In the thin, anxious line between Steve’s eyes when he hands Billy a carefully-wrapped package, which invariably contains something thoughtful and personal and lovely, as if Billy could ever get tired of Steve’s soft, pleased smile when Billy gets a little choked up about one of his stupidly perfect gifts. In the way that Steve sometimes looks at all of it—their apartment near the beach, the cats, even Billy himself—like he’s memorizing them, in case he doesn’t get to keep this, doesn’t really deserve any of it.

What makes Billy the angriest, though, is the silence. The slow, gradual quiet that is often the only sign that something has happened—the nightmares are back again, maybe, or Steve’s dad has invented some new bullshit to be a complete dick about. Billy reserves a cold, implacable fury for whatever combination of people and events taught Steve Harrington that he wasn’t allowed to ask for help.

Billy knows now that he used to deal with his own hardest feelings by pointing them outward, lashing out at the world. He cut himself on those sharp edges plenty of times (the sickening feeling of that plate hitting Steve’s head will live in his memory forever, even if Steve forgave him years ago, waved off his apology to lean forward, big eyes wide with sincerity, and apologize for not seeing what Neil was doing sooner. As if it was his job to see it, as if he wasn’t also just a kid with shitty parents, as if he wasn’t spending his time fighting different monsters. The side of Steve’s face still aches sometimes in cold weather, which Steve blames on the Russians, but Billy knows he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to replace the feel of that plate in his hand with gentle fingertips on soft skin), but Billy was never aiming at his own heart. Steve, on the other hand, deals with his hardest feelings by trying to keep them from touching anyone he cares about. He tries to keep all the sharp edges on the inside, which is why Billy sometimes wakes up to find Steve’s side of the bed empty, and he knows that he’ll find him on the bathroom floor, knees pulled up, head in his hands, sobbing in almost complete silence. Billy will sit down next to him and pull his head into his shoulder and hold him until he’s done crying, and tell him to wake him up next time, and Steve will nod and definitely will not wake him up the next time. Steve is always there for everyone else—has held Billy through...all of it, has sat on the couch, Robin’s head on his shoulder while she cried about a bad breakup, has fielded endless calls from various members of the Party when things got too hard or too painful or too real—but he just never seems to expect that anyone would want to be there for him.

And then one summer night, a miracle. Or the beginnings of one, anyway. Billy gets home from the gym, showers, finds Steve on their balcony in a lounge chair, nursing a beer, staring at the sunset. Billy grabs his own beer, takes the other chair.

“Good day?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Steve says, not looking over, “it was...” and then he trails off. He takes a breath and he looks over at Billy and Billy notices that his eyes are shiny with unshed tears. He holds his breath. “No,” Steve finally says. “It wasn’t a good day. My dad called, and I don’t really want to talk about it, but do you think we could just...” Billy is out of his chair by now, beer forgotten, kneeling next to Steve’s chair and lacing their fingers together. Steve doesn’t finish the sentence. Billy reaches up with his other hand, cups Steve’s face, wipes away tears with his thumb.

“We can do anything you want, baby,” he breathes. Steve smiles, closes his eyes, touches his forehead to Billy’s, and Billy feels his chest constrict. He’s breathing past a lump in his throat because they have time, and they’re healing together, and maybe they can never really escape the past, but maybe this is what it feels like to gradually, painstakingly leave it behind them, where it belongs.

[half-bakedboy]

Where’s My Love? (read on ao3)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: Teen Summary: Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

Or a Season 4 Episode 4 coda where Eddie helps Buck get through the dinner with his parents without even knowing it. 

With his parents back in town and his mind racing with thoughts of being forced to socialize with them after so many relatively peaceful years, Buck’s anxiety was the highest it had ever been. That was saying a lot considering he had survived an earthquake, a firetruck bombing and subsequent embolism, and even a fucking tsunami all within the last two years. It made him laugh - almost as much as it made him want to throw up - that a surprise visit from the people that raised him was triggering more of a trauma response than any of those other events.

He took a deep breath as he wandered the streets of L.A. and considered his options. He was set to have dinner one more time with Maddie, Chim, and his parents, and he honestly wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through and keep his mouth shut like he had promised his sister. She asked Buck to understand where they were coming from, to realize that they tried their hardest and that things could have been a lot worse, but Buck couldn’t imagine how that was fair.

It wasn’t fair that it was always his job to push aside their parenting failures because he was an adult and had turned out ‘just fine’ as Maddie had always put it. It wasn’t fair that their small jabs at Maddie tore open the scars Doug had left on her or that their obvious misguidances of Buck in every way caused shame and hurt to flood through every inch of his body when they spoke. It didn’t matter that Maddie was pregnant from a man that truly loved her and treated her right and had a job that she really kicked ass at. If that didn’t matter, then it certainly wouldn’t that Buck had worked harder to become a firefighter than he ever had in his life and that for once, he was truly happy when he looked toward the future.

No, none of that seemed to matter, because Evan and Maddie had to be on their best behavior and pretend that their parents did the best that they could given the circumstances, of which Buck wasn’t aware enough to fully understand. He would get through one more dinner for Maddie and Chimney’s sake and his parents would go back to wherever they decided to venture to next and Buck could repress all of the negative emotions that welled up inside of him once again.

Before he knew it, he was in front of Eddie’s door. He let out a small chuckle at the fact that even when he was lost in his own mind, his body found its way to Eddie. Buck relied on him so much more in the last few years, more than he ever expected to rely on anyone let alone the one person he had despised on sight. He figured it made sense for his subconscious to bring him there, though. Eddie was a father, first and foremost, and he had made that clear since joining the 118 that being a father was the most important thing to him even above his career. Buck knew how much being a firefighter meant to him, so he could only imagine the kind of love Eddie must have for Christopher to put anything above that.

He knocked on the door without a second thought and placed his hands in his pockets nervously as he waited for an answer. When he saw Christopher’s face as the door opened, his heart soared and he held out his arms for an inevitable hug. He loved how Christopher’s hugs were always full-bodied and suffocating because that was just how Buck needed them to be, especially then.

“Buck! Dad didn’t tell me you were coming over!” Christopher said excitedly and Buck was grateful that at least one of the duo was happy to see him. Even though he figured Eddie would be completely fine with the unexpected visit, his mind was too hazed with anxiety to accept that.

“That’s because he didn’t know, Bud. Where is he?” Buck asked, taking a few steps inside just as Eddie rounded the corner. Eddie’s face showed surprise and then immediate concern, and even once Buck smiled at him, the worry in his features seemed to only marginally lessen as he smiled back.

“Just in time to tuck Christopher into bed for the night!” Eddie yelled with a mock joy that did nothing to convince Christopher that bedtime was as exciting as Buck’s surprise arrival.

“But dad,” Christopher drawled out, “Buck just got here!” For a moment, Buck’s guilt must have been obvious, but Eddie scooped his son up in his arms with an easy explanation.

“And Buck can visit anytime he likes. That doesn’t mean you need to be awake for it. Go brush your teeth while I talk with him and we’ll both come say goodnight in a few minutes, okay?” Christopher sighed heavily as Eddie put him back on the ground, but peered around to Buck who nodded to confirm that he wasn’t going anywhere. If he had the opportunity to put his favorite kid to bed, he wouldn’t - and couldn’t when Christopher looked at him with such wide, pleading eyes - say no.

When Christopher was safely out of earshot, Eddie rested a hand on Buck’s shoulder and stated, “You barely ever come here without texting me first.” Buck huffed out a laugh.

“What? I’m not just allowed to come by ‘anytime I like’?” Buck quoted back at Eddie who looked very unimpressed having his words used against him. The ‘you know that’s not what I meant’ was clear in the way his eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed over his chest. “I just needed a friend. I needed-- well, I needed you,” Buck admitted simply, and fortunately, that appeared to be enough.

“I’ve got a few beers in the fridge leftover from the game on Sunday and I think some juice and Gatorade? Take your pick,” Eddie offered from where he continued finishing up the dirty dishes from dinner. Buck needed to keep his hands busy or his nerves would get the best of him so he stood next to Eddie, holding his hands out for the next rinsed off dish. Eddie apparently decided to take the help and handed Buck the cleaned saucepot without a word.

Their bodies were aligned perfectly with arms pressed together snugly and Bucks’ socked foot nudging against Eddie’s slippered one with each pivot toward the dishwasher. It was comfortable in every sense of the word and just what Buck needed for his mind to finally start to simmer down. For a few minutes, all he focused on was the warmth radiating from Eddie’s body and the repetitive motions of putting the dishes away the exact way he knew Eddie wanted them. He started the dishwasher and all of the stress associated with his parent’s disappointment was washed away from him as if he put himself in the rinse cycle.

“Buck! Dad!” Christopher called from what sounded like his bedroom. As they walked together, Eddie’s hand never left the middle of Buck’s back as if he somehow knew exactly what Buck had needed from the moment he arrived.

“Ouch,” Eddie began and they entered Christopher’s room, “pushed to second place when his Buck is around. Really stings, kid.” Christopher grinned at them unaffected, his smile brighter than anything Buck had ever seen, and he patted his dad on the cheek.

“I like when both of you put me to bed,” Christopher stated and Buck’s heart exploded once more. He couldn’t resist leaning down and wrapping his arms around the kid as tight as he could, pressing an overexaggerated kiss to his temple and rubbing his cheek on Christopher’s out of control hair. Christopher didn’t seem to worry about the affection and held Buck back just as tight, and when Buck pulled away, Christopher held Buck’s face in his hands and leaned up enough to kiss his forehead firmly.

“You’re a good kid, Chris. You know that?” Buck asked, brushing his curly hair back from his forehead only for it to spring forward anyway.

“Yeah, I know. You’re my best friend. You and my daddy,” Christopher said simply as if those words weren’t everything Buck had ever hoped to hear. He couldn’t imagine ever saying those words about his own father, let alone to his own father and something about Chris admitting them so freely had his breath catching in his throat. He was rendered speechless and Buck was grateful when Eddie leaned into their space and kissed Christopher’s other temple gently before pulling the sheets over his chest.

“Love you, Christopher. Thank you for being such a good boy today and every day,” Eddie said as he stood.

“Love you more and I love you, Buck,” Christopher said easily as his eyes closed - as if it was the last thing he needed to make sure his dad and Buck knew before he fell into sleep.

“I love you, too, Chris, so much,” Buck answered as Eddie pulled him from the bedroom.

He felt like he could cry. He wasn’t sure if the tears that welled in his eyes were from Christopher’s words or from the impending doom that would be his own family’s gathering or even from exhaustion brought on by literally every single thing in his life. All he knew was that Eddie pulled him down the hallway and into the living room and when he was drawn into his best friend’s warm embrace, the dam inside of him cracked more than he wanted it to.

“Buck, what’s going on, man? I haven’t seen you like this since--” Buck was glad Eddie didn’t finish. There’d been way too many times that he had broken down in front of Eddie since they had met and he didn’t need a reminder of how weak he was, especially when he was sure he would get one from his parents soon enough. “Talk to me. You came here for a reason so you have to let me in, okay?” Eddie’s voice was on the edge of panic as he urged Buck to sit on the couch.

“Is it hard to be a parent?” Buck asked hastily. Eddie seemed to consider his question for a moment, but Buck didn’t like the way it sounded and backtracked, “Wait, that’s not--”

“You mean, why was it so hard for your parents to be good parents?” Eddie responded and Buck’s jaw dropped. Before he could ask how Eddie knew what he meant, he shrugged and explained, “You’ve been off since Maddie told you your parents were going to visit and she gave me the heads up that there’s history there I might not know.”

“Dammit, Maddie,” Buck cursed under his breath. Eddie let out a small laugh and rested a hand on Buck’s thigh, the small touch immediately sending a sense of calmness through Buck he couldn’t try to solve.

“She cares about you. I care about you. So will you let me answer your first question?” Buck nodded and Eddie took a preparing breath. “Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m a veteran and a firefighter. But it’s also the easiest thing I’ve ever done because my life wouldn’t be the same without Christopher. It wouldn’t be nearly as exciting or worth living without him and I think you’d agree with me.”

“He’s the best kid I’ve ever met,” Buck said without thought because it was true. “He’s so easy to take care of and he listens more often than not and he’s got a sense of humor that won’t quit. He’s--”

“He’s a nine year old with Cerebral Palsy, a dead mother, and a single father that works 24-hour shifts on a weekly basis. He’s an incredible kid, don’t get me wrong, but he’s got more problems than you ever did.” Buck winced, but he couldn’t argue with that. Buck had it easy as a child and he shouldn’t be complaining just because his parents neglected his emotional needs a little.

“Yeah, I know I’m just overreacting--”

“Hey, no. Stop that,” Eddie said as Buck made to stand. Eddie pulled him back down and angled his head as if making sure Buck couldn’t look away from his eyes. “Buck, you’re not overreacting. Whatever you feel, whatever you went through as a kid, those emotions and-- and anger that you obviously feel toward your parents is extremely valid.” Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. He tried his hardest to do just that, but there were only so many times his parents could miss his football games or ignore his obvious attempts at scrounging for attention before the resentment for them rose into too much for any kid to handle.

But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

“My parents, they--” Buck choked on tears that he tried so hard to hold back. The only calmness around him came from Eddie’s hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and his other resting gently on Buck’s thigh. He didn’t have time to be embarrassed by the intimacy of the touches or to think too much about what they might have meant as he continued, “They never saw me. It was like I didn’t even exist to them. Like-- Like I was just some sort of accident they couldn’t rewind time to fix. I was so alone in the world besides Maddie, but even then, she found Doug and left me as soon as she could. It was like every person I met didn’t care if I disappeared and everyone else disappeared even though I cared.”

Eddie hummed in what sounded like understanding before asking, “Have your parents ever offered you an explanation?”

“Yeah, right,” Buck said sharply. He softened his tone when he realized Eddie’s hand had stopped moving on his back and glanced back up at his friend with a sad smile on his face. “It was always my fault. I was too reckless, too wild, too hard to handle, too exhausting . It made me easy to give up on.” Eddie opened his mouth as if to apologize or argue against Buck’s words but Buck shook his head and rested his hand on top of Eddie’s where his fingertips started to dig into his thigh.

“You don’t give up on your kids,” Eddie said simply. His eyebrows furrowed, his nose flared and he pressed his lips together so tightly, the skin around them started to pale. Buck could see the frustration rising in him and tried to smile to lighten the mood but it wasn’t enough. “No, you-- Kids are so hard to raise, but a parent has to be there for them before they decide to give up, and even then! I would never give up on Christopher and you have no idea many people have told me I have or even should .”

“Excuse me?” Buck interrupted, his own anger bubbling inside at the insinuation that Christopher wasn’t worth the entire world.

“That shouldn’t be surprising, Buck. Like I said, he’s got a disability that inhibits his quality of life - even if he or either of us doesn’t see it that way - and he’s gone through more trauma than any kid should ever have to handle at his age. It would make sense for me to send him off to a boarding school for kids with special needs or to live with his grandparents who are way more equipped to handle him than I am,” Eddie explained. Buck had a hard time processing what he was hearing because Eddie would never do that to Christopher, there was no way.

“Have you thought about that?” Buck asked, his eyes searching Eddie’s for the truth.

Eddie sighed and nodded. “Yeah, of course I have,” he admitted with shame resonating in his voice. “There are nights where I just want to-- I don’t know, lock myself in my room and forget that I have this responsibility or days where I just wish I could catch a freaking break.”

For the first time since Buck had known Eddie, he felt anger towards his best friend. He thought of Christopher; who told Buck he was his best friend, who reminded him that everything was going to be okay, and told him he was good, and couldn’t possibly imagine ever wanting that to disappear. He thought that if Christopher was his kid, he would have never considered those alternatives.

Then he looked back at the last few years he had known the family and realized there had been plenty of opportunities for Eddie to do even more than consider. He could have sent Christopher to one of the schools Carla had found during their search that required boarding or even let Christopher go home with his grandparents when they begged Eddie to move back to Texas. Eddie could have ‘made his life easier’ if that’s what he wanted, but he chose not to.

“So,” Buck began, gripping Eddie’s hand tight in his as if grasping onto comfort and hoping it never went away, “what did you do instead?”

“I loved him anyway. Through everything - the hard times, the fun times, the times where I wanted to pull my hair out or put him in timeout and never let him out - I just… love him anyway.”

_____________

The dinner was going about half as bad as Buck had figured it would be. He had to resist the urge to check the watch on his wrist every few minutes, knowing that if he stayed too late, he might not be able to find himself over at Eddie’s again when he needed it. He had texted Eddie as he paced outside his sister’s house and asked that Eddie message him at exactly eight on the dot so he could have an excuse to leave. He realized pretty quickly after the dinner had begun that he was going to need his best friend. First, it was the comment about his ‘dangerous’ career and then Buck was reminded of the number of hospital stays he endured without his parents sending so much as a card.

Then they brought out the box of memories of Maddie that they kept for her entire childhood only to be eerily silent when his was nowhere to be found. Chimney tried to ease the tension that hazed the room, but there was nothing that could be done. Buck stared down at his still full plate - he had lost his appetite almost immediately - to try and ignore the conversation around him but he couldn’t.

Not when it became increasingly clear that his parents had every opportunity to choose to love him and they just… didn’t.

It was one snipe at Maddie or Chim and then back to Buck after another and he couldn’t find it in himself to sit there a second longer keeping his mouth shut as he had been forced to the entirety of his young life. When his mother made yet another comment about Doug full well knowing how uncomfortable Maddie - and subsequently, Chim - were at the topic, Buck couldn’t stay calm anymore.

“You never gave up hope?” Buck asked, the venom on his tongue paralyzing everyone around the table. Maddie begged him to stop, the plea clear in her voice and her eyes because she just wanted the night to go smoothly, but Buck refused. “United front, remember?”

Buck barely registered the excuses that spilled from his parent’s mouths; that they never gave up hope for Maddie or that they didn’t know Doug was hurting her. Buck reminded them that while, in their twisted minds, they never gave up hope, they gave up on Maddie. They didn’t help her when she was being beaten to a pulp almost every single night or bother to prove they were there for her, for either of them. Buck was so focused on Maddie, he forgot that they had neglected him, too.

“Actually, you know what? Maybe it does track, because you barely knew what was going on with your own kids when we were under the same roof. Maybe you never gave up hope,” Buck took a deep breath to try and push back the shakiness in his voice so his words might stick, “but you sure as hell gave up on her. You gave up on both of us.”

Buck pushed out of his chair, ignoring the pained eyes of his parents and the sympathetic gazes from Chimney and Maddie. He knew he should just leave, get out of there before he said something he was really going to regret, but his therapist had warned him again continuing to avoid confrontation with the people he cared about so he carried on, holding his arms up and out as if they were shields and turned back toward his parents.

“Oh, and, uh, and you wanna know why I'm really in therapy? It is because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment. And you wanna talk about our jobs? You think my job is dangerous?” A ghost of a laugh settled somewhere in his chest. “I have walked through fire every single day of my life because of you!” Buck spat, his throat burning with emotion, his voice like gravel with anger and resentment. “ That is why I am in therapy. Because nothing I ever did was good enough!”

“We tried, but you always…” His dad began and there it was again; that blame that Buck held onto ever since he was a kid and that he carried with him into adulthood.

“You never made it easy on us!” His mom interrupted with tears falling down her cheeks. Because somehow, even after everything he had said, everything was still Buck’s fault. He was never going to get through to them that maybe - just maybe - they were what was wrong. “Either one of you.”

“We were supposed to? We were kids,” Maddie chimed in, her voice breaking with every word. Buck wanted to comfort her but when he glanced over, he realized Chimney had his arm wrapped around her, protecting her from the arguing and the emotion that fogged over them. He was momentarily grateful because for once, he didn’t have to worry about anyone besides himself. Something tugged inside of Buck because there was no one to protect him because the people who were supposed to do just that were looking up at him like they never wanted to see him again.

“Evan, I don't know what you expected us to do!” His mother cried and Eddie’s voice was so clear in his mind.

‘What did you do instead?’ ‘I loved him anyway.’

Buck relented. He was done with the fighting, finished with the way his heart constricted in his chest like the rope his parents tied around it when he was a child was about to slice it in two. He didn't want to feel alone anymore and he was reminded that he was far from it when his phone went off in his pocket. The small vibration that only he could feel resonated through his entire body and soul because with one glance at the clock, he knew the message would belong to Eddie. Even when he felt like he was all alone, Eddie reminded him that wasn’t the case and, without even knowing, pushed Buck into saying exactly what his parents needed to hear.

“Love me anyway.”