#hard pass y’all can read my stuff for free (if you want) and I get just as much enjoyment out of sharing

[cultivating-wildflowers]

Speaking specifically for spec fic here: I can understand having a maximum word count limit for debut novels, but I don’t get enforcing a minimum word count limit. The only justification I’ve seen for this (not that I’ve dug too deeply into the subject) is “we don’t believe it’s possible for any story under X amount of words to contain adequate worldbuilding” how do you explain Westmark

[madame-fear]

What is with this HOTD fandom?! Never have I ever been part of a fandom that attacks each other the way this one does. I have never seen “fans” as malicious, cruel, and relentless as the ones in the HOTD fandom! It’s insane. Vicious people are running content creators into the ground or off Tumblr or ao3 completely simply because they don’t like a certain ship, or trope, or tag, or dynamic, or a certain character etc etc. Its like the thought process is “I don’t like x, y, or z so instead of simply ignoring that content and not reading it, I’m going to make this everyone’s problem and find the people that make this content and harass them as much as possible. I’m also going to find as many ppl to help me gang up on this person and destroy them! You like something I don’t so that makes you bad. You don’t think the way I do so you need to be dealt with!” Like come on y’all, so you don’t like smut, or fluff, or lucemond, or rhaenicent, or character x reader, or modern fics, or dead dove, or enemies to lovers, or alpha/omega, or bottom/top, or you hate Lucerys, or Aemond, or rhaenyra, or daemon, or Jace, or the Blacks, or the Greens or whatever there may be, like no one cares! No one cares you don’t like something in fandom! What happened to “ship and let ship?” If you don’t like something, that’s fine, that’s great, I hope you are able to find all content you do like, but you don’t have a free pass to trash other people! Just ignore it, don’t read that story, block that specific creator if you want, just move on and find the stuff you do like. Why do these ppl feel the need to turn into a vicious pack of hyenas, relentlessly attacking content creators, literally running them off with death threats and doxxing etc etc like damn y’all! You just experienced this a few days ago with an “anon” who turned out to be a username I recognized and have seen around for a long time. And here they are acting the way they did. Like what?!

HOTD isn’t real! It’s fiction! It can be whatever people want it to be, people can use whatever trope they want, completely random ships between completely nonsensical characters can exist, a story can be set in the Amazon or freaking space, a story can be the sweetest, fluffiest story to ever exist or it can be the strangest, darkest, most messed up thing you’ve ever read and that’s fine! It’s fine! Surround yourself with what you do like and just let other people live, why is that so hard?! So sorry for my rant, I had to get that out

FUCKING PREEEACH ANON, SAY IT LOUDER! Please please please rant as much as you wish, darling. 🗣🗣🗣

No you literally said EVERYTHING there was to be said about this fandom. I joined the fandom a day or two after the series ended, on October 2022 and BELIEVE me when I tell you that the fandom has gone completely deranged by now. I don’t like blaming anyone in particular, but I kind of have the feeling these big accounts that are always in the centre of some drama are the cause of the toxicity lingering in the fandom :/

I mean, I for example don’t like certain ships like Lucemond. It makes me feel so uncomfortable and off, and you know what I did? I filtered the tag, blocked some people on those tags, and went on with my life. I live and let live. I never even harassed someone or commented on their posts against their likings. This one big account that also started a huge ass drama recently was telling everyone to stop writing for bimboism because its anti-feminist or something — LIKE EXCUSE ME???? You don’t like something and you are making it EVERYBODY ELSES problem? Naur. And its worse when they send a troop of minions to attack and stupidly doxx... damn. I wouldn’t even be surprised if you already saw on other occasions the user harassing me previously... 🙄

I don’t like the concept/trope bimboism either and I never even considered on writing about it. But does that give me the right to tell everyone to stop writing for it because I simply dislike it? No, not at all! Because its also the right of other people to read and write for whatever they enjoy the most. Yes, she has her right to have her own opinion on her blog — but this shouldn’t apply only to a certain group of people! As far as I’m concerned, there’s something called freedom of speech; meaning we can all say and like whatever the fuck we want, unless you want to establish a mediocre social media dictatorship.

I also love how their friends stick up to them while they pretend to be on a hiatus to victimise themselves further. This one friend of them told a mutual "you will stand down" and "you will not win this" like the CLOWNING in here is real. Babygirl you are arguing against strangers online for a fucking fanfic trope, we aren’t in the middle of some medieval battlefield, wdym??? 😭😭

And also they blamed this same mutual telling her that she’s been harassing this one account for over a year (the big account mentioned previously that she had never seen my mutual before or something like that, and they never even talked before this???) even if the drama is recent, and said that... The drama was triggering the miscarriage this account had like a year ago. I swear to God this is too much to handle and it too sad. Especially to bring such tragic personal event like a miscarriage to put the weight on somebody else for an online argument about fictional tropes.

You literally said everything about this. I can’t believe we have to argue about this. And then the friend of a mutual said that its the right of the big account to have her own opinion but they aren’t respecting the opinions of others? Like damn just block people and filter tags, man. I don’t know what to tell you, because why would the world stop merely because you don’t like something and then everyone is like "OOO ESOKEEE🥺" to immediatly boost their ego by hating on other people going against what they say.

yk what, nonnie? You are absolutely fucking right. HOTD is fictional and we can do whatever the hell we want. And we shouldn’t be scared of speaking up. I’m tempted to publish my drafted post about this because I’m sick and tired of having to walk on knife edge just to not be harrassed. Thank you for the rant!

[kissesandcream]

a smol sibling.,

w/ xiao, kaeya, & venti

— • request from anon : being the trio’s younger sibling! (separately)

xiao p1 || kaeya p1 || gn ! sibling ! reader || headcanon format || 1.5k words

; masterlist.,

; a / n - i’ve done xiao and kaeya before, but i had some more ideas so i’m making some more! links above if you’d like to read the others <3

xiao .,

• the other hcs i made for him where general, but here anon specified a younger sibling, so i’ll do that!

• he’s that sibling who’ll pretend ur the most annoying thing on the planet but would do anything for u so much as you ask

• “xiao when u come back could i have some glaze lilies” “get them yourself im the vigilant yaksha not a flower picker🙄” mhm then why did u literally wipe out qingce village’s flower population hm xiao 🤨

• teaches u how to fight!! but he’s not teaching he’s “helping you discover things yourself so you can be a functional person”

• it takes way too much effort to get this man to admit he loves you but you know it as much as he does so it’s okay <3

• cloud retainer has so much dirt on him it’s crazy. if you ever need some blackmail material head over to hers. also you can find some embarassing pictures she’s got a heckton

• verr goldet takes care of u a lot too, xiao’s a great brother and all but he lacks in this department called self care

• idk if you’re mortal or adeptus or half adeptus but if you need to eat and do basic body functions he does not got u covered

• mans would try to raise u on almond tofu until verr goldet bought out a food pyramid and explained about these things called nutrients 

• he also doesn’t understand how important sleep is so,,, “xiao i’m gonna stay up” “yeah sure whatever” passing out two days later “y/N WHAT’S WRONG-”

• yeah verr goldet and the innkeeper guy give him a guide to basic survival talk and all through it he’s glaring at you like why did you never tell me you needed human things to live >:( 

• now that he knows you need sleep, he makes u sleep at 8 pm every night like a grandpa!! good luck trying to get him to stop!!

• are these getting too guardian-like and less sibling-like??? 😭 but that’s the vibes he gives yk!! ur over protective adeptus parent-brother who has no clue how u work but wants to try to understand a little

• in the game u can tell how much more open he gets wit the traveller as friendship levels progress, and if you’ve maxed it out he’d basically do anything for you and would want you to trouble him than yourself

• and he’ll probably be closer with you than he’ll ever be with traveller since you’re siblings and whatnot, so it would make sense that he looks out for you more than your typical older brother yk

• plays the flute for you!! if he hears u humming a tune under your breath he’ll find it and learn it to play for u 

• he may not fully understand how relationships work but he’s trying his best for u <3

 kaeya .,

• my other kaeya hcs were in relation to you being close / living with diluc, but these will be more general and central towards kaeya!

• kaeya fits literally every older brother trope that exists. the brother who’s always got ur back? you got it. the brother who keeps secrets you don’t know about from you? heck yeah. the annoying brother who makes u do his chores for him? maybe a little too much.

• pls he (lovingly) shoves all of his small tasks onto u it’s infuriating but you can’t even say no bc then he gets all dramatic 

• “y/n 😩 you’re abandonning your dear brother like this 😩 how could you 😩 i didn’t know you were so cruel 😩” sir shut up <3

• since he’s a people person everyone knows u very well too, heck all the senior citizens probably voted u as second best in law after him or smth idk man 

• hanging out with best boy bennett!! he canonically sees kaeya as an older brother too so y’all def go on little adventures together <3

• ur one of the only people who have ever looked under his eyepatch, diluc and crepus being the only other two

• sometimes he forgets to take it off when he goes to bed and it leaves a bruise bc it’s pretty tight, so he let’s you change it for him 

• “i can do this myself, you know” well he can but you both know he likes it better when you’re there

• does not allow your closet to be anything less than exquisite, you’ve got a bunch of scarfs like his whether you like it for not

• makes u buy his wine from diluc for him bc every time he goes to the tavern diluc raises the price tenfold just for him

• he’s that sibling who will rile you up on purpose just for the fun of it. i have a cousin who used to do that when he was younger and it was annoying but he still adores me sm so i don’t mind <3

• besides even if he does get on ur nerves amber’s got ur back- you can rant to her about him for hours on end and she’ll add with her experiences with kaeya’s bullying

• what are siblings if not for sibling rivalry, yes he picks on u constantly but he also picks u up when you’re feeling low <3

venti .,

• oh my gods he would be sO FUN

• the two of you are the bane of diluc’s existence, venti loops u into his winery pilfering plans a lot 

• venti pulls the archon card if the two of you get caught by him idk what excuse you’ve got but it better be good 😭

• no way the god of wind and song’s sibling doesn’t love music- even if you’re tone deaf, or hard of hearing, music is about the pleasure it brings and he’ll bring it to you

• you guys go wind gliding a lot of the time too!! y’all don’t even need gliders you’ve got the power of anemo 😎

• he’s that cool brother who’s only rule is that you do whatever you want to do, life is too short for regrets so live in the moment and be spontaneous!

• even though he’s older he seems much younger than you at heart 😭 will wine if you don’t do something for him it’s hilarious

• you’ve got other things to do and he’s just “but hanging out!!!” and ur like “but work!!!” 

• it’s very hard to be productive with him around, he will distract u with something as mundane as an apple- it’s not his fault tho bb just has a poor attention span 😭 

• he’s very clingy, if you’re together he’ll link your elbows like everyone did in sixth grade, and in turn u can kick him in the kneecaps when he does stupid things

• he’s the ceo of stupid things so u get to kick him a lot, it’s a mutal symbiotic relationship we love to see it <33

• my brain is dead and i can’t english rn but. his vibes yk he’s so fun to be around, he gives out surprisingly killer advice too

• i have this man’s teapot lines plastered on my wall bc they help me deal with stuff, so if you’re ever down you can always, always, always go to him and he’ll have the exact things to say

• if it’s words, he has them, if it’s silence you need he’ll lend you his shoulder; but there was never an instance he doesn’t leave you better than before

• you haven’t seen his archon side a lot, since he doesn’t show it all that much, but it’s so far from venti it’s a little scary; but in a sort of admiring way yk

• you guys visit zhongli sometimes, and it’s a free real estate for blackmail material bc of how terrified venti is of him

• zhongli is like that long lost uncle who visits once a year, and you’re his favorite child so he gives you candy and picks on venti for not taking good enough care of you

• “i’m their sibling not their parent” “you’re older have some responsibility >:(”

• if you ever get drunk he will hear about it and will come all the way from liyue to i will have order venti’s head, regardless of whether he was the cause of you being drunk or not

• that about wraps it up! im sure i could think of more but my brain is sorta dead rn so this will have to suffice 😭 i can’t think of a closing statement sO i hope u enjoyed!! bye bye!! <3

[chibi-writes]

I read the dorm leader and vice dorm leaders child chewing on something. But what about a child s/o who turns into a child due to mishap (I'm looking at ace and grim) and the dorm leader looking after the child mc. Thank you. If it's okay, can i make a request again like this but with vice dorm leaders next time?

Feel free to make requests anytime I have my requests open! I’ll usually be happy to write it!

Riddle Rosehearts

- “Trappola? Grim? Explain why s/o a child.” You could kinda sorta tell Riddle wasn’t happy with the incident. 

- You kick yourself out of Ace’s arms (effectively getting him in the gut, look, kids kicking you HURT man) and ran over to Riddle.

- “Widdle!” Holy shit Riddle is going to explode cause oh god that was adorable do it again your smile is so cute oh Great Seven help him.

- Riddle agreed to take care of you, under the condition this never happen again. And Grim and Ace score 100 on their next test.

- Riddle definitely had the help of Trey and Cater while taking care of you. 

- It was a breeze so long as you didn’t cry. When you did, Riddle would panic and only have a vague idea of what to do. Usually calms you down by indulging you in hugs and some small snacks.

Leona Kingscholar

- This one is less Leona taking care of you and more Ruggie. 

- Leona sees Ruggie hold up lil you and he just kinda... shrugs it off. Now you’re another Cheka, and I don’t think he has the patience for that

- You may or may not have affectionately dubbed Leona and Ruggie as “Weeona and Wuggie”

- Something that does happen (rarely) is when Leona naps and you escape Ruggie, you’ll curl up by Leona.

- If he happens to wake up, he’ll raise a brow, pat you on the head (maybe) and go back to sleep.

- At least like this, you aren’t making any noise.

Azul Ashengrotto

- “Ah Trappola. Did you come back for another dea-” Boom. A Child.

- Blinks for a minute to process what happened. Ace explains himself and Grim and Azul looks a little... how shall I say... miffed.

- Azul lets out a huff and agrees to take care of you. (He would have anyway) 

- His slightly sour mood is does a complete 180 once he hears, “A- zu-.... ZUZU!”

- hOLY SHIT YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO KILL HIM- j/ he’s crying it’s too cute oh god someone help him Jade call the ambulance he’s having a cardiac arrest OH GREAT SEVEN HELP HIM hj/

- At first he lets Floyd (gently) play around with you to tucker you out a bit. It works wonders when dealing with kids trust me. And when you’re finally tired, he’ll let you rest right beside him on one of the VIP room couches. 

- He might even sing you to sleep. After all he does have a wonderful voice. 

Kalim Al Asim

- Jamil comes into the room holding little you and Kalim wants an explanation asap. Why are you little? WHAT HAPPENED

- Jamil explains it’s a temporary de-aging potion caused by someone spilling one on you by mistake.

- “Ka-...... K- KAWIM.” comes out of your mouth as you point to Kalim. Oh god his heart. Kalim’s poor heart someone help him it’s too cute. 

- Kalim offers to help take care of lil you (you’re his s/o and all) with the help of Jamil. (Jamil mostly there to supervise just in case)

- God forbid you cry. That would launch both Kalim and Jamil into panic mode because I highly doubt either have much experience with little kids. Would attempt to calm you down with food or head pats and hugs. It works. surprisingly enough.

- Kalim and you runs around and play until you’re tuckered out and before a nap you eat and next thing you know Kalim and you are passed the hell out on his (huge) bed. 

- Y’all are too cute I swear- Jamil TAKE A PICTURE TO IMMORTALIZE THIS ALREADY-

Vil Schoenheit

- When Rook comes into the Pomfiore dorm holding a child, Vil just kinda like “Why... Why do you have a child Rook?” Rook explains that’s you but someone spilt a potion on you and now need someone to take of you.

- Vil is fine taking care of you just don’t destroy anything. Hides all the makeup if he has any accessible or just lying around.

- Would offer to play basically Runway Model. (y’know when you were a kid and you would pretend to be a model regardless of whether you were dressed up or not? Yeah that) 

- You wouldn’t give any sort of cute nickname, since Vil is a bit of a hard name to mess up, but every time you said his name he just go “ok. That’s cute.” and pat you on the head. 

- Puts you to bed before working on some of his studies. He checks up on you every now and again with soft smile. ‘How cute’

Idia Shroud

- Well, first things first, Idia already doesn’t understand why there’s a child in his room other than Ortho. Second, why does said child concern him?

- Wait that’s you... Ah... okay... WAIT WHAT-

- Idia knows nothing about real life children but the internet does! Does little quick research just in case, and proceeds to attempt to take care of you. “I- Id- Iida!” Close but no kid. It’s adorable though. You try again. “I- Idiwa!” Close but double the adorable! 

- Accidentally focuses more on taking care of you than himself throughout the day but it’s fine Ortho’s there to at least remind him that food and water are something he needs to y’know SURVIVE

- Great seven help him if you cry. He’ll try and not panic cause Noise, but calms you down relatively enough to get you to eat or drink something. 

- but anyway, distracts you with video games. Bright colors keep you entertained enough right?

- You constantly laugh at the scenes and animation sequences and even some of Idia’s own commentary. 

-You kinda get sleepy and drift off while he’s focusing on a boss. Once he’s done he sees you napping and puts a blanket over you to keep you warm. His room is probably hella cold cause of all the computer stuff.

Malleus Draconia

- Lilia walks in with lil you and Malleus is confused and amused. “Why is a human child here?”

- Lilia states you failed to make a certain potion with your lab partners and it resulted in this. Ah. That makes sense. 

- He picks you up, basically beaming at the adorable child of man before him. You smile back, then point to him and say “M- Mm- Mal-” “Take your time little one-” “MAL MAL” Great Seven help him that was so cute holy shit 

- Happily takes care of you (he could reverse it with magic but this is cuter and it’ll be over by tomorrow so why not y’know)

- Is really really good about taking care of you. You rarely cried and that was when Malleus had to grab something from the other room but other than that, it was great!

- You fall asleep after awhile and Malleus stays with you, keeping you close, which leads to an adorable moment for Lilia to capture in picture form.

[givemethatgold]

Fix’er Upper - Part Twelve

Pairing: Frankie Morales x F!Reader Warnings: Mentions of sex, swearing, mentions of drug use, fluff, smidge of angst? Length: 1.7k Notes: Managed to whip up this bad boy during a quiet moment today and should probably make y’all wait for it but I don’t really do posting schedules (as you’ve noticed) so enjoy. Not beta’d, not proof read, I’ll die on this messy hill.

Series Masterlist

Surprisingly, life didn't change too much after that night. Frankie continued to run his acreage and oversee the making of this year's cider. With some encouragement and support from you, he was starting to expand the business and already had a few pubs in the closest city clamouring to have his product on tap.

Meanwhile, the improvements on the house were nearing an end, for the indoors list anyways. The first thing Frankie had helped you do was to install your new soaker tub, immediately followed by christening it by making soft, slow love to you inside of it.

There hadn't even been any water, your impatience to be close to each other wouldn't allow for that. You had just stripped out of your coveralls, convenient work-wear for people who fucked like rabbits you had to admit, and sat in his lap with your arms and legs wrapped around him. His hands guiding your hips in a slow rocking motion, breathing each other's air as your open mouths hovered in a not-quite kiss, only breaking eye contact when you threw your head back as you came.

Autumn passed quickly and Winter had gripped Vermont, cloaking the countryside in a heavy blanket of white. Christmas was a cozy affair, you and Frankie had been asked to join Jacquie and Mark in their family's merriment. It had stirred something inside of you, watching a functional family laugh, sing, argue, eat, and love with such abandon. 

It was everything you'd dreamt, initially, for your future with Brad. Now? Now you were starting to picture that future with Frankie's face as the patriarch, you just haven't built up the nerve to broach the subject yet. 

You'd started working at the bakery, enjoying the early mornings surrounded by rising dough and sculling back coffees with the adorable older ladies who ran the place. You'd also begun doing the books for Morales Acres and Catfish Brewery. Frankie was a veritable genius but he claimed he had no patience for keeping receipts and tracking numbers.

You had a sneaking suspicion he was playing dumb in an effort to give you more time together but you really didn't mind. Your break-of-dawn mornings at the bakery had you tired, but after a full day of renovating or bookkeeping, you were downright exhausted and ready for bed by eight pm. This, mixed with Frankie monitoring the brewing, bottling, and distribution of his cider and networking at bars and pubs throughout the state meant the two of you rarely saw each other.

All of your hard work in your own house had made you a popular friend to call when someone needed decorating advice, or a helping hand once they realized they couldn't tile their kitchen backsplash solo. You never charged for your time, although payment had initially been offered until work had got around that you preferred a good meal and conversation over money. I mean, sure, you could use the cash but it just didn't seem right. And you loved helping people and making deeper connections with the town you now truly felt you belonged in.

Tuesday evenings had become an unofficial date night for the two of you. The bakery was closed on Wednesdays and bar owners tended to be less interested in business halfway through the week, something to do with the rush of the previous weekend having worn off and the worry of setting up for another one starting to grow.

This meant you could stay up late, enjoy a proper homemade dinner, maybe even watch a movie or share a bottle of wine while soaking in your big ass tub. It usually ended as a sleepover, your house being the preferred location; Frankie's loft was perfectly fine but it did lack a certain homey appeal.

This pattern, this life, that you'd created for yourself was making you happier than you'd ever been in your entire life. You weren't one hundred percent content, not yet anyway, but the path to getting there was on a direct trajectory. You still wanted to finish your college degree, maybe switch it over to horticulture. Building a greenhouse and selling flowers was still a pipe dream but something your heart truly longed for, something that Frankie was constantly encouraging you to do.

"Look, hun," he had called out to you a few weeks ago while supposedly researching the new line of bottles. "There's an auction next county over and they have all this confiscated stuff from a grow op that got busted!"

"What?" You'd made a face and laughed at the absurdity of it all. "What on earth would you use from a pot farm?"

He just gave you a salacious wink as an answer.

Frankie had been open about his past drug abuse and while some recovering addicts may want all mention of it banned from a conversation, Frankie found levity in treating the topic like any other person would.

It had taken you a couple of hours to realize why he'd brought up the auction. It had hit you with a jolt, knowing that he’d remembered your rambling from on top of the Ferris wheel. You didn't realize he'd been listening when you'd told him about your idea of taking over the flower stand at the market once the current couple retired.

Your heart had swelled and there was a concerted effort to prevent the sudden onset of tears from running down your face. God, you loved this man, maybe one of these days you should tell him...

This particular routine was working well for the two of you. It gave each of you your own space to relax, destress, enjoy the shitty tv shows you were too embarrassed to watch in front of another living person. It also forced the two of you to take your relationship slowly, communication being a constant learning curve. You were both really good and telling each other when you needed time alone, when you were feeling stressed or sad. You each had learned the tells for when the other was angry or just hungry, if it was hormones or if there was something that was actually pissing you off.

The thing you each seemed to struggle with was expressing the softer side of the relationship. Neither of you appeared to have the Words of Affirmation love language skill, yet you both craved to hear it. You showed how much you cared for Frankie with your acts of service; helping him with the boring side of the business, baking, deep cleaning the loft, even scrubbing out the massive fermenter in the Catfish Cider warehouse.

Frankie, on the other hand, showed his love through physical touch. At first, you had assumed it was a staking-his-claim kind of thing but then you noticed how he'd do it all the time. A hand on your lower back while walking, caressing your hand with his thumb when driving in the truck, carding his fingers through your hair while you watched tv.

This week's date night found you at his place, relaxing in the loft after a busy workday. You were making dinner while he 'helped' by sneaking bites of the prepped ingredients, arm slung around you with a hand in your back pocket.

"What're you looking for?" He asked, taking advantage of your distracted searching through his cupboards to sneak a few more pinches of grated cheese.

"A can opener!" You replied, exasperation raising your voice an octave. "I could have sworn I saw a white one around here somewhere..."

“No, pretty sure that one's yours. I don't think I have one?"

"Frankie," you deadpanned "how did you survive as a bachelor without canned food?"

"I ate a lot of take-out?" He looked indignant at your laughter, "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Can you stop judging me long enough to eat some burritos?"

Smoothing his playful scowl with a kiss, you sat down at the counter and enjoyed your first meal together of the week.

An idea was formulating in the back of your mind, though, and you barely tasted anything. As the evening progressed, the idea grew and you were liking it more and more. The final straw was you not having a toothbrush in his bathroom anymore, having forgotten that it had fallen off the counter and into the trashcan the last time you'd spent the night.

Using his, with a strange mixture of distaste and nonchalance, before making your way over to the bed, you began to plan how the conversation could go:

Hey Frankie, so you know how I have a big house all to myself? Yeah... And it had everything we need in it? Yeah... And there's more than enough room for two adults to store all of their things? Yeah... And I wouldn't have to use your toothbrush ever again? Yea- wait what? I think you should move in with me.

It wasn't very romantic but it was the most likely, considering your dynamic. Just as you were crawling into bed and snuggling under the arm he'd raised to allow you to get closer, his cell phone rang.

"Hello? - This is he. - Yeah, biological. - Oh god, when?"

The immediate change in his tone from questioning to horrified caught your attention, sitting up to face him you grabbed his free hand, silently letting him know you were there for support.

His eyes were out of focus and a panicked expression was slowly morphing his face as the conversation went on, but he gave your hand a squeeze back in acknowledgement.

"Yes, in Vermont. Do you have my address? - Okay, good, good...okay - When? - I'll have something ready. Umm... does she... does she remember me? - Oh. Okay, thank you."

Slowly lowering the phone from his ear, Frankie sat staring into nothingness for what felt like hours. His side of the conversation and the way he was reacting had you rattled. You could guess as to what was happening but weren't sure if now was the right time to pry.

"Babe? Is, is everything okay?"

Silence.

Gripping his hand tighter and rubbing his back you sat with him for a few more minutes before trying again. You didn’t want to push him but your heart was constricting in your chest from nervousness and concern for him.

"Can I get you anything? What do you need?"

His hand was now completely dead in yours; eventually, he turned his head towards you, eyes never fully focusing, and shook his head.

"I- she- fuck... I think you should go.”

Part Thirteen

[shorkbrian]

Bad Vibrations

Prelude - You know those stories that like you read and then the ending is like “but it was all a DrEaM”? yeah this is that but in reverse. Also keep in mind that Shindo is an individual who keeps up a very polished outer appearance, very different underneath the surface. Bakugou saw through it; Shindou’s a little faker for the public just saying

Pairing - Shindo Yo X Reader

Prompt - Shindo but noncon

Warnings - NSFW, stalker Shindo, non con, dub con, graphic, vibrations (ofc), crying, idk, y’all should know by now that there aint nothing good going on in these here parts.

Music - https://open.spotify.com/track/4FeWr4OsidcJClBjUEBHWI?si=Ea026PEQSX2vsQFf8AKkZw

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You wake up to a hand over your mouth, a weight across your waist.

It’s still dark, your bedroom window open and leaking cool air into your room.

There’s a figure above you, straddling your waist, eyes glinting through the darkness. It’s a man, you determine, with his unruly hair, muscled build and the rough “shhhh” noise he makes, his hand tightening over your mouth as you fully awaken.

“Mmh!” You whine, panic flushing through your body. Who is this? Why is he here? Oh god, are you going to die?

“If I take my hand off, can you be good?”

His voice is soft, barely above a whisper. The man doesn’t seem to be a threat from his body language, the smooth rhythm of his voice, even though he’s apparently broken into your house, into your bedroom. 

You nod your head. As soon as your mouth is free, you’re begging quietly.

“Please don’t hurt me, please.”

“Shhh, I wouldn’t dream of such a thing.” The man cooed, a hand cupping the side of your face. Odd. “I just want you to be good, okay? You can do that for me, right?”

What does he mean? You suppose your puzzled face clues him into your confusion, because the man chuckles lowly.

“Aw, don’t worry… I know you don’t have a clue who I am, but that’s okay - it’s not your fault. I’m Shindo, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you, everything’s fine.”

The man was so soothing, if he wasn’t pinning you to your bed with his bodyweight, maybe you wouldn’t be shivering with fear. You couldn’t think straight, mind still foggy with sleep, all you could do was blink up at the man-Shindo.

“I’m tired of watching, I just want a little taste, y’know? You looked so pretty earlier, like a little treat.”

Your eyes widened, and your body tensed. What was he—? Had he been watching you? What did he mean by /earlier/? Your mind flitted back to what you were doing before you drifted off to sleep, and you immediately flushed. An electric toothbrush had been pressed to your cunt, over your panties, the vibrations ever so slight as you writhed under your own hand. You had never messed with toys before, too intimidated by all the different choices, the names, the reviews. Plus, the actual act of buying them was mortifying, even if you could just order one from Amazon - what if it showed up in a package clearly outlining what it was? What if your neighbors saw?

“Don’t be shy, I know it felt good, I mean, it certainly looked good.” Your attention was pulled back to the present, to the man-Shindo sitting on top of you. He was grinning, a small hint of teeth showing. Your heart hammered in your chest - you we’re going to die. This man was going to rape you, then kill you. 

“Please, there’s-there’s money in the drawer, you can have it a-“

Shindo surged forward, capturing your mouth in a kiss, cutting you off mid-sentence. You squeaked, rearing backwards, but he followed, pressing his lips so firmly to your own that you felt like he was trying to worm his way inside. You tried to turn your head, shocked, scared, but a hand grabbed your chin with an iron grip, freezing you in place. It hurt.

A moment passed, then two, and you were fully panicking now, chest heaving, hands flailing. Shindo separated himself from you with a quiet, wet smack, barely pulling away from your lips before leaning back down to kiss your nose. The hand holding your chin relaxed.

“Don’t fight, just be good. I’ll treat you nice, okay? Don’t make me upset baby.” His voice had a sharp edge to it, and you had the immediate sense of mind to commit to doing what he said - you figured if you didn’t, you might not live to file a police report. You nodded shakily, tears brimming in your eyes. This couldn’t be happening. 

Shindo smiled at your nod, patting your cheek lovingly, before another kiss was planted to the tip of your nose. “Good. Now, we’re going to get to the fun stuff, what do you say?”

It was a rhetorical question, the man not even waiting for a response before he was tugging at your shirt, almost ripping it as he pulled it up and over your chest, whistling as your bare chest was revealed. “Damn baby, you’re delicious.”

You flushed, hands twitching uselessly at your sides. You shouldn’t, you couldn’t fight, he’d hurt you. You just needed to stay still and quiet, let him do what he wanted, let him take what he wanted. It was going to be fine. You could do it.

Abandoning your shirt after he bunched it underneath your arms, the man immediately palmed at your chest, hands warm, soft. The chill of the night air plus his interest in your nipples had the small buds peaking almost immediately, stiff and upright. Shindo gave a quiet, pleased huff, before thumbing over your nipples, closely watching your face for a reaction. You turned to the side, determined to not give him one. Maybe if you just stayed still, didn’t engage, he’d get bored and hurry up, fuck off into the night and back from where he came.

A wet, searing heat enclosed your right nipple, and you gasped, arcing at the foreign sensation. A glance downward showed Shindo with his mouth around your tit, brown eyes hooded, twinkling up at you. You turned your face to the side again, shooting a hand up to bite down onto your fist as the man started sucking. It felt good, a dull pressure pulling at your breast, making you want to arch your back and push further into the man’s mouth. 

He stayed there for a moment, sucking quietly, before quickly switching to your other tit, immediately bringing his hand up to palm softly at the spit-slicked nipple he’d just abandoned. You whined into your fist, it felt good, why did it feel good? It shouldn’t, this was wrong.

Shindo switched again, one hand always kneaded the breast not held up to his mouth. He kept his tongue busy, playing with your nipple, laving hotly over your skin, sucking bruises into the sensitive flesh of your breast. You could’ve sworn that his tongue vibrated a couple times when it passed over your nipple, but maybe that was just the intense shaking from your body.

You were so stressed, so scared, your body was practically vibrating in fear - you were shivering so hard you felt like you were going to throw up. 

The man quickly got bored, detaching from your breast to shuffle down further, stripping the sheet away from your body as he did so. The tears that you had successfully held back so far came rolling down your cheeks as he gripped the waistband of your pajama pants. When you couldn’t quiet a sob, the man’s brown eyes flickered up, away from where he was peeling the pants down, barely pulling it past your belly button.

“Hey, don’t cry, I told you I wasn’t going to hurt you, like, three times. I’ll be gentle, I know how to treat my girl right.” He soothed, but his words just made you cry harder. 

He clicked his tongue, before crawling up to flop down next to you, laying on his side, facing you. You closed your eyes, the intensity of his gaze too much for you to handle, muffled cries wracking your body. You couldn’t do this, he was going to rape you, this can’t happen.

Thumbs wiped at your face, rubbing your tears away. “You know, it’s kinda hard for me to get it up when you’re laying here crying like that, so I’m going to need you to stop.”  

You kept your eyes closed, wanting to convince yourself this was just some bad dream, you could wake up, this wasn’t happening. A sharp pinch to your cheek had you giving a small cry, eyes snapping open to see his face inches from your own.

“Don’t fucking ignore me, I’m being fucking nice. You want that to change?” He growled, making you flinch. The whiplash from the personality change had you confused, lips quivering as you burst out into a fresh wave of tears, quickly trying to wipe them away. This man was dangerous. 

Seeing you try to rectify your crying, Shindo backed away, offering you a comforting smile. “See? It’s not so hard. God, you’re perfect for me, so obedient.”  His voice was sickeningly sweet again, nothing like the vicious growl it had been not ten even ten seconds ago. It was terrifying, the man was unhinged. 

There was a quick press of his lips against yours again, before he was resuming his position by your lower half, busying himself with pulling your pajama pants off.

The second they passed your hips, revealing your bare pussy to his gaze, Shindo groaned out a curse, body sagging. Your pajama pants were quickly ripped the rest of the way off, leaving you completely exposed. 

You wanted to cover yourself from his searing gaze, but something told you the the man wouldn’t like that - he might hurt you for trying - so you twisted them into the sheets by your head, anchoring yourself in the physical sensation that it provided you.

Shindo looked up, sticking his fingers in his mouth as he did so. You watched him suck on them, swirling his tongue around the digits before taking them out, absolutely drenched with his spit.

“You’re gonna like this part.”

Before you could ask what he meant by that, before you could even /think/, those fingers were pressed against your pussy, smushed up against your clit. The sensation from that lone had you breathing in quickly, closing your eyes. When the vibrations started, you almost screamed.

Your eyes flew open, mouth open in a silent cry, hips bucking uncontrollably both towards and away from the vibrating fingers. It felt so good it hurt, the vibrations hitting deep, buzzing and rumbly, so fast and heavy that you couldn’t think, you couldn’t even breath.

Shindo laughed, eyes dark as he watched you writhe on his fingers, slowly starting to rub them over your clit, along your labia, moving up to press hard against your mons pubis, which mad the vibrations go so impossibly deep, you choked on a moan, eyes rolling back into your head. The feeling was incredible, it was too much and not enough all at the same time,  like nothing you had ever felt before. 

He played with you like that, you don’t even know for how long. It could’ve been a second, it could’ve been an hour. All you knew is that it felt good, that you wanted more, that you couldn’t stop your hips from trying to grind down against his head. And then he was pulling back the hood that protected your sensitive clit, using a finger to flick at the bud, and you were sobbing through an orgasm.

“Please! Oh god, stop, stop! It-it hurts, no more, please!” You cried, the pleasure quickly breaching into overstimulated pain as he ghosted over your clit. It hurt, sharp pain, the buzzing reaching into your thighs, and you didn’t know if it would ever stop.

Then, it did, and you almost cried in relief, collapsing against the bed in a gasp, sweaty and breathless. 

You think some time passed, enough for SHindo to strip out of his clothes, because when you next opened your eyes (when had you closed them?) the man was naked, watching you. 

He had his fist loosely wrapped around his cock, his long, veiny cock, already shining with precum. He was stroking slowly, seemingly content to watch the rise and fall of your chest as you tried to regain your breath, the glistening wet of your pussy clenching between your legs. 

Your eyes met his, those brown, glinting daggers, slitted dangerously as they watched you. “Mm, feel good pretty? I knew it would. Just gotta let me take care of you… I can make you feel even better.”

“I don’t….” You whispered, your sentence trailing off. You didn’t want to do this, but could you even say no? Would he hurt you?

Shindo didn’t hear you, or if he did, he didn’t acknowledge you. He leaned forward, letting go of his cock to situate himself between your thighs. You cringed when his wet hand brushed against your leg, pulling it up and over his elbow, opening you up to him.

This was so gross, his cock was leaking all over the place, and he was going to put it inside you, you were going to vomit.

“Let me in, let me treat you nice.” He cooed, tapping the tip of his cock sweetly against your clit, almost mocking you. You jerked on each tap, body shaking hard again. 

Then he shifted, dipping down so he could line his cock up, slip it inside quickly, before you could move or wiggle backwards.

You couldn’t think about anything other than the solid heat filling you, pushing into your stomach, stretching you past the point of comfort. You had to bear down, relaxing your pussy around him so it didn’t hurt as much. He was long, and thick, and it hurt - was it supposed to hurt?

Shindo cursed again, his hand quickly patting along the bed before he found your own, immediately clenching it tight within his grasp. 

“Baby, you feel so nice, clenching like that around me. Been waiting so long for this, was gonna do something all dramatic and romantic like flowers and candles…. I just couldn’t wait any longer.”

He was completely inside, stilling as his hips came into contact with your skin, panting above you.

“Been watching you for a while, you’re real dumb, I followed you home in plain sight several times. I even broke in a few times, stole some stuff.”

Your eyes were wide, staring up at the man above you with your mouth open. This was too much to process all at once, the physical sensation, the information being dumped on you. 

Shindo continued “It was nothing big, just some panties and other little things here and there. You didn’t mind though, you never even noticed it was missing.” You had noticed some stuff go ‘missing’ but you had just chalked it up to your own faults, loosing your favorite necklace, misplacing towels, forgetting where you put your underwear after you folded it.

“You’re a little dumb, but that’s okay baby, I don’t mind. It’s kinda cute, y’know? Although it would’ve been nice for you to at least recognize me - I’m not in the top ten, but I’m still a pretty good hero.”

Wait, hero? You looked up at the man, scanning his face. He didn’t look like any hero you had seen on the news. He caught your suspicious gaze, his brow furrowing, a deep frown appearing on his face. 

“What, you really don’t get the fuck who I am?” He snapped, the hand holding your own flashing towards your throat, fighting around your skin, cutting off your air. “I’ll give you a little hint.”

The cock inside of you vibrated, just like his fingers had.

You choked behind the hand cutting off your airway, thrashing under the man over you. The cock kept vibrating, but the hand let off your throat, letting you gulp in deep breaths. 

“This ring any bells?” His voice was light again. You wanted to cry, he was moody, volatile, scary. You couldn’t do this - you could feel his lightly vibrating cock leaking inside of you, whether you could actually feel it or not, just the mental image was making you sick. 

“I-I don’t know who you are..” You tried, voice slightly scratchy. “I just wanna stop, please? I won’t tell anyone, please, if you’re a hero…. This isn’t right.”

His eyes narrowed.

“Fine. I gave a plenty of chances.” The mean cut in his voice was back, and that’s all you could notice before his hips were pulling back, cock sucking out of you, before it plunged back inside.

It was vibrating even more intensely, like it was shaking your inside, and you couldn’t think past the quickly building thrusts, the man sweating and groaning above you, hand gripping your leg tightly. You couldn’t breathe.

“No, I don’t want this, it-it feels weird! I can’t—!” You squealed, Shindo unrelenting as he rolled his hips into you, grinning.

“I dunno, feels good to me.”

You moaned on his next thrust, the vibrations bringing you to the edge, too fast, too intensely. You felt like you were speeding towards it, and then you were falling over it, shaking on his cock as you came, clenching your teeth.

“Fuck, fuck baby, feel so good!” He didn’t let up, didn’t give you a second, just kept thrusting, leaning down to push his tongue into your mouth, his spit going everywhere. It was too much, you couldn’t take it, you just came!

“Shin-do! No, too - mmhm - much! Plea-se, too-too m-ah! Ah, ah, ah!” You moaned, embarrassed at the sounds tumbling out of your mouth as you ripped your head away from his slime tongue, but yet you couldn’t stop yourself as you whined.

“Nn, you’ve got such a tight little cunt, perfect - ah! - for my cock.” His thrust sped up, the vibrations getting stronger inside of you, and you threw your head back, squealing, bucking your hips, thrashing - anything to get away.

But his grip was unrelenting, as was the quickening slap of his hips against yours, his thick balls swinging to clap against your ass lewdly. You couldn’t get away, he was going to cum inside, you couldn’t make it stop.

“Oh, baby - haah - keep moving like that, you’re milking my cock, feels so good.” He moaned, dipping down to pant against your neck. You cried out, trying to still, trying not to egg him on. You just wanted this to be over, you could hardly think with the pleasant, intense buzzing in your pussy, the solid, warm cock filling you up, pushing you past your limits.

And then you were gone, screaming into another orgasm, loosing yourself to the sensation.

----

You wake up to your covers tucked around your chin, safely snuggled into your pillows.

It’s light, your bedroom window open and leaking the sun into your room.

You go to stretch, reaching your arms above your head, only to pause at the unrelenting ache in your back, the horrible tight soreness between your legs. It-it wasn’t a nightmare.

It was real.

[therealvalkyrie]

Painter’s Hands and Guatemalan Coffee: Part 4

the ackerman influence

Pairing/setting: Levi Ackerman x Female!Reader, modern!college!AU

Summary: When you catch your idiot boyfriend cheating, your grumpy roommate is there to pick up the pieces and watch your back as you toe a carefully drawn line in the metaphorical sand.  

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: consumption of alcohol and weed products, intoxication, swearing, pretty dang fluffy

AN: SURPRISE BITCHES it’s out tonight!! An infinite thank you belongs to my beloved @ghostlightprincess for her keen eye for editing and swoon-worthy compliments and encouragements. Seriously, this chapter is dedicated entirely to her. I hope y’all enjoy!! I hope y’all appreciate the love I gave Sasha this chapter because........reasons. Pleease feel free to come scream/squeal/chat in my DMs or askbox! In love with you all<3 ~valkyrie

(read part 3 here)

“Here, thisun ‘sblue!” Hange slurs as she passes you yet another shot glass with Greek letters etched on the side.

“Mmm, I like blue,” you giggle, then clink your shot with hers before you both tip your heads back to pour the liquor down your throats. It tastes inexplicably like turquoise, and you laugh loudly over the thumping dance music in approval. 

The poor freshman charged with staffing the drinks table eyes the pair of you skeptically. “Maybe you two should slow down, you seem like you’ve had enough—”

You round on him, offense written across your face. He’s definitely right, but you aren’t exactly gonna let some pimply, snot-nosed teen tell you how to drink. “Woah, Nelly, this ain’t cocktail hour, this is fuckin’ Greek row an’ I won’t have your judgment,” you waggle a finger in his general direction for emphasis, “harsh my vibe.”

“You tell ‘em, girlfriend,” Hange approves vaguely, hanging off your shoulder.

The freshman holds his hands up in defeat, amused. “No judgment.”

You nod once. 

“C’mon, Han, let’s see if we can find the snacks.”

“Pleeeeeeease…”

You turn away from the drinks table to do just that, angling towards where you remember the kitchen to be — honestly, this frat is huge — and set off through the crowd. Hange trails after you, fingers tangled with yours like they have been all night, yammering on about something you can’t be bothered to follow.

“‘Scuse us, comin’ through, on a mission!” You push past jostling bodies until you reach the far wall and lean against it for the last leg of your epic journey to the fluorescent lights of the kitchen.

Someone calls your name and you look up through squinted eyes to see Sasha leaned up against the counter by the fridge, bowl of chips in her arms and dab pen tucked behind her ear. She’s dressed casually, sweatpants and DIY cropped t-shirt contrasting your jeans and flashy top.

“Sasha! My love! My dearest, sweetest darling!” You stretch your arms wide towards her, Hange jolting forward where you’re connected. “We come in search of snacks.”

Sasha laughs and lazily deposits her bowl on the counter, stepping forward to stabilize you both with a hand on your shoulder. “You’ve come to the right place, my friends.”

She steers you both to sit at the island, wedging you between the only other two people in the kitchen. You vaguely recognize them as soccer players on the university team: a shaggy-haired brunette and a tall blonde. Sasha passes you her dab pen before ambling over to the pantry. You take a hit, then pass it to Hange, who’s looking much better now that she’s sitting down.

“Sash, these your friends?” the blonde asks, peering down at you through red-rimmed hazel eyes. You pluck the pen out of Hange’s limp grasp and offer it to him in greeting, along with a drunk smile. He takes it and grins back.

“Yep,” Sasha confirms with half her body still stuck into the pantry. “It’s the mad scientist one and the architect.”

“Almost architect,” you correct. “Not official until I have my degree! Although, I will agree, Han’s a mad scientist.” You poke her in the side and she swats you away with an eye roll.

“Oh,” the brunette soccer player pipes up from Hange’s other side, now looking at you curiously as well. He’s also high, startling green eyes hooded and posture relaxed. “So you’re Braun’s ex.”

You hide your shudder of distaste by turning back to take a drag off the pen. “Please don’t tell me that’s all I’m known for,” you sigh out with a cloud of smoke.

“Eren, don’t be an ass.” Sasha finally returns with a box of chocolate pretzels and a bag of hot Cheetos. “Pick your poison, hot stuff,” she offers each in turn. You ponder for a second, then reach for the Cheetos. “That’s Eren—” she points to the brunette, who raises a lazy hand “—and that’s Jean—” the blonde reaches for the pretzels. Sasha makes an offended noise and cradles them to her chest.

You introduce both yourself and Hange while Sasha plays defense against Jean’s long reach.

“Sorry,” Eren apologizes to you, leaning over Hange to grab some Cheetos. “I heard what he did to you. Really shitty.” His tone is casual, but the way he’s practically pinning you in place with his eyes makes you twitch.

“Puh-lease,” Hange pulls out the word, long and sarcastic. “‘Twas more than shitty, what that douche did. I’d’ve wrung him out to dry, but she didn’t—”

You cut her off with a sharp poke to her side. “Drop it, Han, I don’t wanna think about it.”

“But— ooh!” She’s sufficiently distracted when you shove your food in front of her face.

“Sorry,” Eren apologizes again.

“S’okay,” you sigh and take another drag, then hold the pen out to him in a peace offering. He smiles slowly and takes it.

“You guys staying over? There’s plenty of room in the basement, and friends of Sasha’s are always welcome.” It’s Jean who offers, returning to his seat beside you with a singular pretzel for his trouble.

“Hmm, might be nice,” Hange muses, but you’re already shaking your head.

“Thank you, but my roommate’d probably have a conniption if I wasn’t home in the morning.”

Hange actually snorts at this, then starts coughing violently because of the hot Cheeto dust suddenly up her nose. You pat her back in mild concern.

“What, they got a stick up their ass or something?” Eren asks.

“Or something. Levi’s just protective.”

“Levi?” Eren’s eyes are suddenly wide, almost fearful. “Levi Ackerman?”

“Yeah.” Your tone edges on defensive. “Why?”

He takes a hit and shrugs before answering. “He’s just my foster sister’s cousin. Interesting family.”

“Oh, you mean Mikasa?” You didn’t know exactly how they were related, but she’d helped Levi move in and it had struck you how eerily similar they were in disposition.

“Yeah, Mikasa. She’s around here somewhere…” As though by magic, he turns to look over his shoulder just as Mikasa and another blonde boy you don’t recognize mosey in from the hallway. She’s leaning down to catch his soft words and he’s talking with his hands, stalling as his eyes light on the little group in the kitchen.

“Oh, hey guys,” he greets. 

“Armiiiin,” Eren greets with a genuine smile. “Come meet some new friends.”

The pair rounds the kitchen island, Armin allowing Eren to pull him in by the arm and Mikasa going to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Sasha. 

“I know you,” Hange pipes up, tilting her head to observe Armin. “You’re in the sophomore biochem class I TA for. Arlert, right?”

Armin ducks his head in a nod. “Yep. Professor LaBelle is a wonder, I had a great time this semester.”

“She is, isn’t she?” Hange’s grin is almost slipping to the dangerous side of intrigued. “I graded your final paper, by the way, and just between us, you set the grade curve.”

He blushes red but his eyes shine with something akin to satisfaction. “Really? That’s a relief, it was a bear to write.”

Eren leans back behind Hange to gesture to you, looking across the kitchen at his foster sister. “Mikasa, this is—”

“—Levi’s roommate,” they say at the same time.

“I know.” Her dark eyes regard you interestedly. “Hi, again,” she greets, saying your name even though she’s maybe heard it once in her life.

“Hi!” You give a small wave.

“What, uh, what,” Jean clears his throat and you look up at him to catch a blush staining across his cheeks and nose. He’s looking at Mikasa. “What’re you guys up to in the basement?”

“We were just going to start a movie, Connie’s setting up the projector,” Mikasa says, eyes flicking from you to Eren. “Wanted to see if you guys wanted to join.”

Jean stands suddenly, his stool rocking from the force of it. “Y-yeah, we’ll join!” Sasha hides a snicker behind her hand.

Eren stands, too, between Armin and Hange, who are still chatting. He looks down at you and says your name like a question. “You coming?”

You find yourself shaking your head again. “I’m so crossed, I think if I even look at a couch I’ll fall asleep. And I, uh,” you yawn, slipping your phone out of a back pocket to check the time. 12:11 AM. “I should be getting home.”

It’s earlier than when you would normally call it quits, but suddenly all you can think about is going home and falling into Levi’s clean, soft-smelling sheets. Plus, it’s the Saturday preceding finals week and tonight was only meant to blow off steam between intense days of studying.

“You stayin’?” You bump Hange with your shoulder, and she looks around at you with wide eyes as though she forgot you were there.

“Hmm?”

“You stayin’ for the movie?”

“We’re watching It: Chapter Two,” Armin supplies, eyes crinkled in excitement.

Hange’s eyes grow impossibly wider behind her glasses and she grabs your elbow a little too hard. “You wouldn’t mind, right? I’ve been meaning to watch it.”

You smile and shake your head. “Wouldn’t mind at all. You stay, I’ll call an Uber.”

The whole group starts migrating in the lazy way drunk and high people do: Mikasa helps Sasha with the snacks; Eren and Jean grab canned drinks from the fridge; Armin and Hange gravitate towards the door, talking fast with words you’ve never heard before. You stay sitting at the island, tapping away at your phone to order a car.

When you stand to find the front door, your high hits you from behind like a fuckin’ baseball bat and you sway dangerously. You whistle through your teeth, low and soft, planting a hand on the counter. Sasha looks over at you in concern, her arms full.

“You okay, babe?”

“Yeah, I just… what is in that dab pen?”

She laughs, head tilting back. “Good shit, right? Got that one new last week.”

“For real…” you trail off, getting your bearings.

“Here,” Mikasa starts, piling even more food into Sasha’s arms, “I’ll walk you out. Levi would skin me if he knew I didn’t make sure your driver’s not an ax murderer.”

Normally, you’d protest, but the room really is starting to spin.

“Okay,” you sigh and allow her to hook your arm through hers. She’s surprisingly solid, and you find yourself leaning heavily into her. “How’re you still sober?”

“I don’t drink or smoke,” she answers, gently pushing past Armin standing in the doorway. “Doesn’t affect me, anyway, so it’d just be a waste of money.”

“Huh,” you grunt, then twist to wave to the group. “Night, everyone.”

A replying chorus of “goodnight” chases you and Mikasa through the dark foyer littered with drunken party-goers. 

“Oh, wait,” she pauses with a hand on the doorknob. “Did you bring a jacket?”

“Oh,” you wrinkle your nose and think back to getting ready in the afternoon. It had been unseasonably warm and your coat didn’t match your outfit. “No, I didn’t bring one.”

Mikasa gives you an odd look and deposits you by the door. “I’ll be right back.”

Your body feels light as you lean back, tucking your hands into your armpits so they don’t float away. Your eye catches on movement in the dark shadows by the staircase and you squint, trying to see who’s there. It takes a second, but you eventually make out a pair of people, well… making out. They’re completely absorbed in each other, bodies impossibly close and you giggle quietly to yourself before your stomach rolls. No, don’t think about… too late.

You shut your eyes tight and turn away from the couple to lean sideways against the wall. The image is too similar, too gut-punchingly familiar.

“Didn’t mean what? Didn’t mean to stick your tongue down my best friend’s throat? Didn’t mean to practically fuck your best friend’s girlfriend in public?”

The biting words and stuttered apologies are still rolling around in your head when Mikasa comes back, thick puffer coat in hand. She hands it to you and you mutter a subdued “thanks,” twitching to dislodge the dull pain that’s settled in your ribs.

“It’s Eren’s, but he won’t mind. He doesn’t wear this one a lot, and you can just give it back next time we see you.”

“Right,” you nod, head moving a little too easily as you slip your arms in and fumble with the zipper. The faux fur around the hood tickles your face as Mikasa flips it up over your head. She’s clearly experienced in the art of taking care of intoxicated people.

Outside, you’re grateful you bundled up because the temperature has dropped significantly since the afternoon. Chilly December wind bites at your face and you bury your hands in coat pockets to save them from the same fate. Your fingers brush against something cold and metallic, and before you know it you’re pulling out a fistful of crumby objects: a super plus tampon, the packaging split down the side; two “for her pleasure” condoms; and, inexplicably, a Hot Wheels matchbox car. An ugly snort escapes your nose and Mikasa looks over at you in alarm. You raise up your fist and she chuckles through her nose as well. Squinting in the dim light of a flickering streetlamp, you find the expiration date on the condoms to be several months ago, so you lean over to a convenient trash can and toss both them and the tampon. The matchbox car returns to the pocket. Who knows, maybe Eren’ll miss it if it’s gone.

Mikasa doesn’t look affected by the cold, only winding her red scarf more securely around her neck as you both quietly wait on the sidewalk for your Uber. A quick glance at the app tells you that it’s three minutes away.

“Are you and Levi close?” You find yourself asking into the night sounds of Greek Row on a Saturday night.

You almost think she doesn’t hear you over the sound of a group spilling out of a neighboring sorority, but then she answers.

“Not particularly. We didn’t grow up together and only connected because of Uncle Kenny a couple years ago.” Her tone is light and casual as she talks about her family, as though you should know who Uncle Kenny is. Should I know who Uncle Kenny is?

“Oh,” is all you can think to say.

“We may not be close,” she starts again, eyeing you closely, “but I think we’re very similar. And I can tell he cares a lot about you.”

“Oh. Right.” Your palms are suddenly sweaty in your pockets.

“He may not show it,” her tone is careful, “But he does.”

You smile faintly and kick your boot against the curb. “He does show it, in his own way. He’s been really good to me.” Somehow, it’s easy to talk about this to Mikasa, even when you get all stuttery and weird having an identical conversation with Hange. Maybe it’s the drugs and alcohol, or maybe it’s because there’s not a hint of judgment in Mikasa’s eyes. Either way, it feels good to speak your feelings into the world.

“Good.” She nods and follows your gaze to where you’re still scuffing the curb. “Some unsolicited advice for you: if you ever want anything besides mutual pining to come out of it, you need to be really obvious. Or make the first move outright.”

This makes you stutter and wring your hands, she just puts it so bluntly. “R-right, the first move…. Oh, I think that’s my car.”

“What’s the license plate number we’re looking for?”

You read it out from the app while Mikasa steps to the back of the blue sedan that just pulled up. She nods, confirming it’s the same, then circles to the driver’s side window, which is cracked open.

“Hi,” you greet the driver, a blonde woman in her late twenties, and confirm her name matches the one in the app before sliding into the back seat. Mikasa leans down to murmur something to her and she nods, glancing back at you in the rearview mirror.

“G’night, Mikasa,” you call out the window. “Thanks for everything. And tell Eren thanks for the jacket.”

She waves as the car pulls away. You settle into the quiet hum of the car and let your mind wander. 

Mutual pining. Make the first move outright….

—

“Mikasa texted me,” Levi says by way of greeting as you stumble out of the car and thank your driver. He’s leaning on a lamp post outside your apartment building when your Uber pulls up, jacket and boots pulled on over flannel pajamas. 

“Levi, stand ominously on the sidewalk often?” you ask, dragging out his name long and sing-song.

“Only for you, kid.” He loops an arm around your waist and steers you towards the entryway

“Not a kid,” you grumble, masking the stutter of your heart at his usual pet name for you. Somewhere in the last couple of weeks, it’s gained a weightier significance, at least to you. It’s endearing and a little distancing and charged all at once and it makes your head spin as you climb the stairs up to your floor.

At your door, Levi unlocks it while you drift slowly in a circle next to him, trying to expend the sudden nervous energy you’ve gained in his presence.

The first move, first move, first move… Mutual pining. Mutual.

“What are you muttering about?”

You hadn’t realized you were thinking out loud.

“Nothing,” you say quickly and pass through the door he’s holding open for you. Your momentum carries you farther than you mean to go, and he catches you by the elbow, reeling you back to the coat rack by the door.

“Whose jacket is that?” He shrugs off his own and eyes the faux fur around your face skeptically.

You fumble with the zipper for a second before he sighs and reaches for it himself, stepping into your space. His face is so close to yours you can feel his breath ghosting over your collarbone as he unzips the jacket.

“Eren’s,” you finally answer. “Look.” You pull the matchbox car out of its pocket and show it to Levi with a wide grin. He stares at it for a second, then the tiniest smile twitches onto his lips.

“He’s a weird kid.” It’s almost fond, with an undertone of exasperation.

“You know him?”

“Yeah, he’s in the art department, too. Graphic design major, marketing minor. I TAed his freshman seminar last year.” Levi slips the coat off your shoulders as he speaks, then hangs it by the loop next to his. 

“Ah, that makes sense,” you muse, wandering farther into the apartment. “He looked terrified when I mentioned you. What’d you do to those poor freshmen?”

“Nothing they didn’t deserve.”

“...ominous,” you hiss, your eyes wide as you let him gently push you into your room. The nervous energy hasn’t quite been expended, and you find your hands wringing with it. Suddenly, you’re rambling about your night as he sits you down on your bed among the laundry that’s taken residence there in its disuse. The stupid song they played at the first frat; Sasha’s excellent food; the blue mystery shot.

“It tasted like turquoise, I swear, Levi! It was like magic!” Your eyes are wide, insistent as you lean forward into his space.

“How does something taste like turquoise?” He ducks his head to avoid your face, fingers untying the knotted laces of your boots.

“You’re the artist, you tell me.”

“I don’t eat my paint.”

“Not even once? Not gonna lie, your paint looks very tasty, sometimes…”

“Are you always this annoying when you’re high?” He tugs the second boot off your foot as you let yourself fall back onto your bed.

“Come on, you love me,” you crow to the ceiling. Mutual pining.

Levi mutters something under his breath.

“What?”

“Nothing. Where do you keep your pajamas?” He stands and looks around your room.

“Middle drawer, left side,” you direct, lazily motioning to your dresser with an arm. Your eyes flutter shut as you listen to Levi pick his way across the floor and slide the drawer open.

Normally, you can get yourself in bed after a night out just fine. Normally, you slip into the apartment making as little noise as possible, and fall into bed without Levi even waking up. But it feels nice to have his steady hands on you when it feels like your organs might start floating apart at any second. It’s anchoring and reassuring and you can feel the safety of being near him lulling you into a doze.

Come on, you love me.

You shoot up to sitting, mind whirling and chest tight. “L-Levi?”

“What.”

“D-do…” Do you love me? “Do you think I’m pretty?” It feels petty in your mouth and you immediately regret the words, but it would be worse to try and take them back, so you just bite your lip and look down at the floor.

A hand plops onto the top of your head. Levi’s gray eyes meet yours, soft with something you can’t describe, when he tilts your head up. He’s quiet for a moment, then reaches his other hand to thumb your bottom lip out from between your teeth.

“I think you’re very pretty.”

--

(read part 5 here)

[aerois]

Remarried Empress: Sovieshu Contextualized and Navier the Unreliable Narrator (SPOILERS!)

So recently I started reading Remarried Empress on WEBTOON. Honestly the whole premise wasn’t my cup of tea and I was solely reading it because it was part of an event where I could get free coins (lol). But then... I got hooked. I got invested. Started drinking in chapters whenever and wherever I could, and even now I still crave more. I wanted Navier to have some semblance of a happy ending (and, let’s be honest, I wanted to drag that precious little bitch Trashta by her fucking hair across the yard). At first it was mostly that. Raging at Trashta and her Simperor, pondering at Heinley’s true intentions, drooling over Kaufman. 

And then, I noticed something odd. I noticed-- the strangest thing-- Sovieshu seemed to be... not as enamored with his mistress as meets the eye. And there was even some hinting that his feelings for Navier weren’t what we assumed.

I have to preface this: I don’t condone Sovieshu’s crappy actions. He’s an idiot, and acts very poorly as a husband. And there’s no excuse for cheating. Absolutely not! So I don’t want this post to come across like In Defense of Sovieshu, because it’s not. But I do think that our view, the reader’s view, of Sovieshu, is warped. And this is mainly because we see the story through Navier’s eyes of course, but we forget that every individual person is fallible. Every person, at some point, harbors false assumptions that color their concepts of truth and reality. Put shortly, Navier is human, and therefore is not a reliable narrator at some points. Especially concerning her husband. We see Sovieshu entirely through the eyes of his wronged wife in the webcomic. Pin that: in the webcomic. Did you know the webcomic is actually based on a mobile game? Yes, it is! And I downloaded it! And I’m playing it! And... I’m actually... hating Sovieshu less?????????? 

Ok, ok, put the pitchforks down! Hear me out! I’m not saying any of the stuff he did was okay! But Navier’s narration of the story paints him as this cold, detached man who grew to hate his wife so much that he flew into the arms of some hussy for warmth and then just cast his wife aside and deliberately acted like a jerk just because he wanted her to suffer.  And there’s a grain of truth to that. There are points where Sovieshu feels bitter and does or says something waspish. But it’s not as black and white as you might assume. I played the mobile game, and decided to take Sovieshu’s route out of spite. I opened this app, saw it was an otome with this garbage-fire, cheating sack of shit for a romance option and thought “Hah! The nerve. Probably some semi-abusive dirtbag route aimed to appeal to girls who like men who treat them badly. You know, that mutually abusive relationship appeal that some girls like because drama.” And I needed to rack up in-game currency anyway (it’s like usual mobile games, where when you wanna make cool choices you gotta cough up cash unless you “diamond-mine” on crappy stories to save up the meager bits of free currency the app gives you for playing) so I figured I’d blast through the Sovieshu route and skip onto my darling Kaufman in playthrough 2.

And then the smoke genuinely compelling character development got me. So I could run y’all through Navier’s version of the events, but you already know that. For Sovieshu though? Here’s the kicker: this idiot has had a raging passion for his wife slowly building up for years throughout their entire lives, and only realizes it about halfway through the events of the story. This idiot, this buffon, this absolute brain-dead dolt... didn’t even realize he was pining over his own wife until he was about to explode from the desperation from it all. God, I wish I was joking. Lemme break it down for you:

Sovieshu’s POV: He and Navier are introduced as kids and are told they’ll be married someday. Life partners. They are raised in tandem to respect and care for one another. Kinda smacks of grooming (go mom and dad!) but whatever, that’s the background. These kids are mentally regarding each other as spouses their entire conscious lives. And Sovieshu, as he grows, quickly comes to realize his intended is a selfless girl who holds everything inside. The first spark of his affection for her is wrapped in this: that Sovieshu longs for Navier to take off her “perfect princess” mask and let herself be vulnerable with him. He admires her intellingence, her grace, and her devotion to her country. He looks at her and sees someone that inspires him. He craves the opportunity to comfort and protect her. He waits, and these opportunities come in small instances. But they get older, their burdens get heavier, and like most young women, Navier gets better at pretending nothing is wrong with her and putting everyone else first. Sovieshu feels more distant from her. But that desire to break through her wall still stands.

They marry, but Navier, in her infinite wisdom, makes the assumption that this marriage is entirely political (despite...the fact... that they were raised together??? they were literally best friends their entire lives??? are y’all seeing how this could be confusing for him???) and that there are absolutely no feelings involved on Sovieshu’s side. Expect there’s that little problem. That little problem. Of Navier’s absolute inability to be vulnerable. And so she starts this marriage all Elsa-Conceal-Don’t-Feel convinced that her husband (whom she is secretly in love with, shocker) holds no warmth for her because she’s never received any from him. 

Now I’ll acknowledge that this is a two way street, where Sovieshu fails as well. Should Navier have made a mature decision and asked for love and support when she needed it? Yes. Should Sovieshu have offered anyway, despite not knowing that she wanted it at all? Yes. They’re both in the wrong here. They’re both too passive, too afraid.

So the first few years of their marriage pass by like this. And Navier kinda melts into more of a depressed state over it, while Sovieshu becomes frustrated. But he doesn’t know why. He hasn’t quite put his finger on the fact that HE’S IN LOVE WITH HIS WIFE, GEE WHAT A SURPRISE BUDDY. And then... the little ingenue comes in. Trashta, with her crocodile tears, oversharing of emotions, co-dependent as all get-out. You see where I’m headed, right? It’s not just that she’s the opposite of Navier that gets Sovieshu hooked. It’s that she gives him that opportunity to unburden all this pent up romantic frustration. He can comfort, and protect, and wipe away the tears of a woman who loves him... And for a while, it’s intoxicating. That itch is finally being scratched.

Or so it seems. Because sooner or later, Sovieshu realizes that this woman is not his wife. And she’s a bit clingy, and clueless, and she’s... well, she’s not his wife. She’s not his wife. 

“Oh, dear God...” the idiot finally realizes. “I don’t want this hussy. I want my wife!” 

Ding ding ding! You did it! And it only took you--what? 20 years? After all this time, Sovieshu (and the audience playing his route) realizes. He’s not cheating because he’s bored, or because he hates his wife, or because he’s Inherently An Asshole And That’s What Assholes Do. He’s cheating because he’s using this woman as a stand-in for his wife. He’s been looking straight through this woman and seeking his wife the entire time. He’s cheating because he’s stupid and repressed and misguided and human. And again, that doesn’t excuse it. He still cheated, and that’s something he needs to spend a life-time making up for. It’s a mistake, and a big one. But it’s not fueled by a malicious hatred or a desire to hurt her. It’s fueled by confusion and fear. And, strangely enough, a desire to perform love for his wife.

So anyway, this stupid dweeb finally wakes up and realizes that no matter how much he plays around with the Town Skank, it doesn’t slate that thirst for the woman he’s spent his life growing to love. And that he actually, truly loves her to begin with. Now at this point, Navier was away travelling, doing queenly stuff. And he gets a message from a servant-- his wife is home. This boy books it. This man throws down what he’s doing, sprints across the imperial palace, to stumble at the feet of his wife; red-faced and breathless, absolutely undone. This man is screaming for his wife on the inside and now nothing he can do will quiet it. And his wife, ever the perfect pinnacle of a monarch, just raises a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him and wonders what’s got him in such a tizzy.

This is where the difference between the narratives hits especially hard. Navier has absolutely no clue that her husband is a hair-thin thread of self-control away from all of this just completely spilling out of him. She looks at him and sees a tormentor; someone who’s treating her like a used doll. And he sees this Goddess that’s been hiding in plain sigh the whole time. He sees his sins and repents before this, his wife, his almighty Goddess. But he doesn’t know what to do. She’s still been hurt by him, Trashta is still in their lives, and damn it all, he’s still frustrated. He still feels bitter and abandoned because even after everything, even after the years of marriage, his wife just seems so unaffected by him. This is where Navier’s “perfect queen” image that she tries so hard to curate really bites her in the ass.

These two dumbasses are hopelessly in love with each other but they’re deadlocked in an endless cycle of letting their prides get in the way. Navier doesn’t want to be vulnerable. Sovieshu doesn’t want to compromise, doesn’t know how to not lash out in anger when he’s really feeling sad. Unlike Navier, he can express emotions-- but not in a heathy way. So he says something mean, does something kinda shitty. And Navier thinks it’s because he delights in her suffering. So Sovieshu’s over here in his head like a cranky little child that’s mad at mommy because she’s on the phone, and Navier is over there in her head wondering why on earth her husband can’t notice a love that she’s never actually expressed to him. And it’s just terrible. But kind of hilarious. Mostly sad and terrible. But defintely hilarious.

To further illustrate this: even a lot of Sovieshu’s actions, for that matter, get warped by Navier’s unreliable narration. WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE! In the chapter where Trashta is stabbed, Sovieshu immediately screams for guards to surround Navier. So I’ll sum up their thought processes here.

Navier: Oh my God, I can’t believe this asshole. Calling the guards? He really fuckin thinks I did this?! Jerk! Asshole! He really thinks I’d arrange for a pregnant woman to be stabbed!! He’s probably deliberately framing me too, so he can get me out of the way and live happily ever after with her!

Sovieshu: OH MY GOD, MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE COULD GET STABBED NEXT SOMEONE HELP well actually maybe she had something to do with it? nah. prolly not. but even if she did idgaf I LOVE MY WIFE, I’LL COVER FOR YOU BABY I’LL FORGIVE WHATEVER. GUARDS, FIND WHO DID THE STABBING SO THEY DON’T STAB MY PERFECT WIFE NEXT

Like I wish I was joking, but that’s how it read. Anyway, I’m not done with the comic or the game yet. But Sovieshu’s motivations aren’t all as they seem. And while he’s not a perfect husband, he has the capacity to mature, let down his pride, and make steps toward atoning to his wife. I honestly and genuinely believe this marriage could be salvageable if they could come clean with each other. A lot of people want to root for Kaufman or Heinley, and I get it. Those two would probably treat her well. But the fact stands that these two are married, and surprisingly, they both actually still hold a spark of love for one another. If Sovieshu could genuinely repent, and demonstrate this to Navier, they would attain the happy marriage with each other that they both strive for. Anyway, I find myself surprisingly hooked on the story now that I see Sovieshu’s POV. He’s not a hero in this story by any means, but I’m somehow, against my better judgement, rooting for him. I’m rooting for him to make the right choices and repair his marriage. 

It’s a bold strategy, folks. Let’s see how it pays off.

[hopelesshawks]

Ash and Dust Part 7- Opportunities

18+ Dabi x fem!reader

Summary: You first meet Dabi on the worst night of your life after unwittingly walking into the very bar the League of Villains made infamous. That should probably be the end of the story. You stumble on the remnants of one of the most infamous terrorist groups in the history of Japan, get viciously murdered or call the cops and get them arrested, the end. Except that’s not the end of the story. It’s only the beginning.

Masterlist Help Lulu (Kofi)

Waking up the morning after reclaiming your bedroom (at least in part) is jarring for two reasons.

The first is that you’re waking up next to Dabi.

For some reason you thought he might wake up before you, even though he’s pretty routinely demonstrated that he’s not an early riser. Perhaps you expected the knowledge that he was sleeping in the same bed as you to perturb him enough to get him up early. Instead your eyelashes had fluttered open to find him still deeply asleep with his face only a few inches from yours.

You fully intended on simply rolling over to either fall back asleep or get on with your day but you’d found yourself enthralled with his sleeping face instead. You know Dabi’s smirks, sneers, and scowls like the back of your hand after a little over a month of living with him. His resting face, however, is entirely foreign to you. You’ve never had a moment alone with him where he wasn’t antagonizing you and it’s odd to see him so peaceful. Your eyes trace over his face, taking in the extent of the scarring on his jaw and beneath his eyes, but also appreciating the unmarred expanses of skin as well. It strikes you that Dabi is pretty. It shouldn’t be surprising considering what you’ve seen of the youngest Todoroki in the press but even still. In another world where he’d never become the wanted criminal he is today, you wonder if he’d be a heartbreaker or a sweet, gentle type. Would he be as quiet and polite as his brother seems to be or would he still get a thrill from bantering with someone who isn’t afraid to banter right back? Would he be in the tabloids with a different girl every week or settle down early with his high school sweetheart? You’re fascinated by the idea of what the scarred man before you would be without the tragedy and the trauma. You might’ve sat there just taking him in until he woke up if not for the second reason waking up that morning was so jarring.

Your phone has been pinging literally non-stop.

You’ve never resented your notification sound more as its shrill tone continues to echo in your room, putting the fragile peace at risk. Even before you found yourself as alone as you are now your phone was never this busy. As much as you try to ignore it and wait for the tidal wave of what you assume are spam notifications to end, the sound finally drives you to turn over and grab it. Your eyes widen as you take in the sheer amount of Twitter notifications you have. As you unlock your phone and navigate over to the app your mentions are literally flooded with Deku fans screaming about your talent and how lucky you are. It’s a confusing litany of fangirling that you try to weed through until you get to one mention in particular that makes your breath catch in your throat.

You got a mention from the rising hero himself.

Holy shit.

You’ve never clicked a tweet so quickly in your entire life. Not only are you stunned to find he’s seen and loved your work but he also mentions wanting to talk if you’re interested. Sure enough, when you navigate over to the messages section of the app, a feature you’ve never bothered to use, you notice a message request from Midoriya ‘Deku’ Izuku waiting for you. It takes everything in you not to scream as you read the message there over and over before finally hopping out of bed and moving to the kitchen to call the number he’d left you. It’s a little endearing that he’d been so quick to hand out his number to a complete stranger on the internet but you also can’t help but wonder how someone so naive could be the same man drawing headlines over his heroics and combat skill. You’re not exactly a Deku fangirl but it’s still wild to be dialing a celebrity’s number as you punch in the numbers and then wait for it to ring.

On literally the second ring the phone is answered. “Pro Hero Deku at your service! Who’s calling?” the young man answers chirpily. “Uhh, this is (y/l/n)? You messaged me on twitter?” “Oh! Right! Yes! Hello! One second!”

You can hear Deku excusing himself from whatever room he’s in, a disgruntled voice mumbling something you can’t hear, causing Deku to reply with a hushed “Sorry Kacchan! I’ll be right back!” before there’s more shuffling and finally the sound of a heavy door closing.

“Ok I’m back! Thanks for reaching out to me so quickly!” he finally says now that he’s, apparently, in a better place to talk.

“Yea, of course I guess I’m just shocked you liked my art so much and really appreciate you drawing so much attention to it,” you explain, feeling short of breath at how surreal the situation is.

“Of course! You’re really talented! Your work deserves to get attention!”

“Thank you but, uh, why exactly did you want me to call you?”

“Right! It’s about your artwork.”

“Ok?”

“I want to sell it!”

“What?”

“Wait well no not sell it. Or not sell that particular piece although it is a nice piece and if you wanted to theoretically you could probably sell it although I guess it’s available for free online already so maybe people wouldn’t want to pay for it. Although it’s a painting right? And people buy or pay to go see paintings you can see online all the time so maybe it wouldn’t be too bad but if it’s for your own enjoyment you may not want to give it up which would be totally understandable and also how would that work logistically? If the painting is rather large it may be unwieldy to try and ship it to whoever purchases it, in which case would you have to meet up to try and give it to them by hand? But then that necessitates meeting up with a complete stranger on the internet and what if the person who buys it doesn’t live near you or, since it is the internet, doesn’t even live in Japan? Then you have to contend with international shipping and-”

“Uhh, Deku?” you ask cautiously, barely able to process the mumbling of the young man on the phone.

“Ah! Sorry! I can kinda end up on tangents sometimes... What I mean to say is that I’m not trying to sell the painting you posted or anything but I think you’re really talented as an artist and one of my friends is looking for someone to design a new merch collection.”

One of his friends? Your mind instantly starts running through his impressive list of ex classmates. Your first thought is Dynamight and immediately you shudder at the idea. He may be years younger than you but the aggressive pro hero still scares the shit out of you. Uravity could be an interesting hero to work with although you’re not quite sure you vibe with her aesthetic. Or maybe he’s talking about the new Ingenium?

“You’re real fucking loud in the mornings, you know that Doll?” Dabi asks with a groan as he comes walking into the room with a stretch.

You hurry to shush him, not wanting to lose the opportunity being presented to you, which earns you a curious look. Before you can react Dabi is snatching your phone out of your hand and putting it on speaker. You don’t dare protest verbally and risk alerting Deku of the situation so you have to settle for glaring at Dabi as he smirks at you.

“Yea so, anyway, Shouto really needs new merch but wanted something a little more sophisticated on the designs and I feel like you’d be perfect for that you know? Making all his stuff mini works of art. So what do you say?” Deku asks, his voice still brimming with that same enthusiasm while your blood runs cold. You’re genuinely scared to look up at Dabi’s face to see what he thinks about the idea of you working with his little brother. You hold your breath, Deku’s chipper voice going nervous as he asks “Hello? You still there?”

To your immense surprise, when you finally have the courage to bring your eyes up to meet Dabi’s, he’s got an almost feral grin. “You better take the fucking job,” he hisses delightedly, sending a chill down your spine as you stutter out a response to Deku, your eyes never leaving Dabi’s.

“Yea, sorry just processing. I’d, uh, I’d be happy to help out.”

“Great! I’ll pass your number on to Shouto and you two can meet up and figure out details!”

“Ok.”

“Cool, thanks (y/l/n)! Hopefully I’ll see you around!”

You hum noncommittally before hanging up the phone, still waiting for the other shoe to drop as you practically watch the gears turning in Dabi’s head.

“You’re…. Not mad I’m going to be working with your brother?” you ask cautiously.

“Oh no, I’m fucking delighted Doll. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re gonna help me have a little fun.”

A/N: We are finally starting to get to the meat of the story omg. I’m sorry this fic has been so slow going, especially compared to my others, but if you stick with I’m pretty sure it’ll be worth it. I appreciate each and every one of y’all that’s been reading this fic because main motivation to write it has been hard

Taglist: @thechroniclesofawriter @simpsfortodoroki @ahtsuwu @oliviasslut @larkspyrr @oikawaandkuroostan @tina-98 @vibesdontlie @clubfairy

[rpmemesbyarat]

Hello Tumblr people. I’m 31 years old and I’ve been on Tumblr since 2014. That’s not really old, and that’s not really a long time, but I know it’s older and longer than a lot of other folks. Tumblr is a space mainly populated by teens and twenties, and I know when I was in that age group, I thought 31 was a Real Adult (TM) Which, shit, it’s not, it’s really not, especially not for me, but nonetheless, I have learned some things in my time that I wish I could impart to my younger self, and instead will impart to y’all. Take what you like and what works for you and leave the rest, I’m no expert or guru or authority on anything, I’m just trying to be helpful. Being nice costs nothing. I once was standoffish to someone who came and chatted to me in IMs. That guy later died. True story. I feel terrible about it to this day. I was wary and kind of snotty in those days and I regret that. It’s one thing to be careful about strangers approaching but that wasn’t what I did here. It costs nothing to be nice. It costs nothing to be friendly. To do stuff like show interest in others, care about what they have to say, comment when they share things about their day. These are tiny things that cost nothing but give so much. Don’t pass the opportunity by. And definitely don’t snub someone for no reason. If you don’t want to interact, you don’t have to, but don’t be cold about it unless it’s legitimately because you’re uncomfy with this person and want them to go away. Your safety and comfort do come before any obligation to be nice, but I hope it’s clear that’s not what I’m talking about here. Be a candle that lights other candles. You know what else costs nothing? Encouragement. There’s nothing stopping you from telling others what you like about their content, what they post, what they create, what thoughts they have, the things they say, or just how passionate they are about something. There’s nothing stopping you from saying you hope the best for someone going through a rough time, or how cute their pets are, or how you’re glad they got themselves a treat today. You don’t need to be someone’s therapist ---I know I sure don’t have the emotional energy for that--or have solutions for them, you don’t need to force yourself to say anything insincere or that you don’t have the spoons for, but when you can, say something positive to others. First impressions can be wrong but gut feelings are often right. Like I said, being nice should NEVER trump your own comfort or safety. If you get weird vibes from someone, book it. Sure, you could be wrong. I’ve been wrong about a lot of people. I’ve also been right about others, and should have left when I had the chance before they could prove to me how right I was. Technically, there was nothing stopping me. It was online, after all. I could have just vanished and they’d probably never have tracked me down or made contact again. But I was lonely, and socially awkward, and like many people, most of my human contact was online, and I thought that this was worth it. It’s not. Whatever kind of friendship or therapeutic RP or free art or support or compliments or advice you’re getting from someone online. . . it’s not worth it if they’re mean or creepy too. Whatever you are getting, you can find it somewhere else, in someone else, who won’t make you have to put up with that kind of crap for it. If something feels wrong, don’t wait around for it to get worse. Yes, you may be incorrectly judging a situation and running from nothing, but it’s better you run from nothing than NOT run from SOMETHING. And I know that things like anxiety disorders, trauma, and just different communication styles can make it hard to judge these things (I’ve thought people didn’t like me before just because they were far less effusive in their typing style than I am, and I was wrong) but if you really feel uncomfortable, like this person has said mean or sexual things to you, it’s not just the brain weasels telling you lies. If you’re truly in doubt, get another person’s opinion, but also don’t let them convince you “it’s nothing” if it feels like something. Trust yourself. Creeps, like children, will test your boundaries. Kids will do shit just to see what they can get away and how far they can push you before you put your foot down. Creeps are the same. They’ll start with stuff that you can easily ignore, brush off, and put up with without feeling it’s worth ditching the whole friendship over. But they’ll rarely let it stay there. They’ll typically escalate it if they’re not rebuked. Rebuke them. It can be scary. It can be hard. I know this. I know it firsthand. But feel no sympathy. Feel no fear. Tell them off and pack your bags. They want to know how much you’ll put up with? Show them----nothing at all, that’s what. Don’t be afraid to change your views but don’t feel the need to broadcast it. I’m never getting a personal Tumblr. Because I’m glad they weren’t around when I was a teen. I would have posted things I don’t believe now. Same for when I’m in my 20s. And I bet that will the be the case in my 40s, 50s, and 60s too. Our lives are journeys of changing, learning, and unlearning. And that’s great. But if you post every step of your journey for the world to see, there are those who will use it against you, even if it was stuff from years ago that you should be applauded for growing from, not derided for having ever believed in. Not to mention that what’s the most up-to-date woke terminology and politics changes very rapidly, and what was acceptable when I was a teen is not the preferred lingo now, and it’s likely going to keep changing, and there will be people who find your posts and don’t care about that either. I realize Tumblr gives us a format to metaphorically scream our present beliefs and show how right what you believe is, and the urge to reblog when you see something you agree with wholeheartedly is strong. And if you’ve got a blog that doesn’t easily connect back with you, or you don’t plan to have for the next five years, or whatever, go ahead. But if your blog can be easily connected to you, and therefore could be connected to you again in the future, it wouldn’t hurt to be a bit judicious. I’m not saying “don’t take a stand on anything ever because you might change your mind and/or someone might drag you”, I am saying that in the age of cancel culture and people deep digging for ancient receipts, young people are no longer getting to have their journeys, with all their rooms for fuckups and re-thinkings, that I and those before me got to have, and I think that sucks. By all means, take a stand on what you believe in now, fight for it with all your heart, just also don’t make it too easy for other people to use it against you should you ever change your mind---and don’t be afraid to change your mind either, even when it’s against the grain of what’s presently popular opinion. Find things out for yourself when possible You know how when they taught you things in school about history and America and whatnot and now you’ve found out that there’s so much they DIDN’T tell you, and at least half of what they did is a very edited sack of hooey? Well, the same is true of Tumblr, Facebook, and other online spaces as well as real life. We all laugh at our Boomer parents and grandparents who share clearly false stories on Facebook because they can’t tell that it was clearly crafted to incite their anger or endorsement based on how it’s tailored to validate their beliefs, but I see the same thing happen here. Loads of tale gets touted as “true” on Tumblr because they have been made to appeal to us emotionally by validating our beliefs. But just because our beliefs may be good or progressive or what have you, does not mean that everything that appeals to them is going to be true. When you see a post circulating that claims something really cool about history or such is true, I suggest fact-checking it. This will help halt the spread of misinformation---even if it’s harmless---and help you build your critical thinking and research skills. This does not mean “you must change your views” it means “be skeptical even when something validates your views” People on our own side can lie, and that’s not harmless even if it seems so---contributing to a culture of misinformation is NOT harmless, and we’re less likely to be skeptical of claims that validate what we already believe. Don’t fall for this. That’s all. I hope something in here was valuable to you. If not, thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day!

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

Disney Songs That Hit Different™ When You’re Autistic, a full Spotify Playlist

Open to updates should anyone notice a song I missed!

Tracklist and specific lyrics that fuck me up under the cut: 

The World Above - The Little Mermaid Broadway Production

“It’s like my life was wrong And somehow, now, at last I’m in My own skin Up here in the world above!”

“The sun’s so bright here Upon my face! It feels so right here Warm as love... Life seems to be Almost calling to me...” - stimmy 

Belle - Beauty and the Beast 

“The bookshop. I just finished the most wonderful story. About a beanstalk and an ogre and a—” - y’all ever been interrupted on an infodump and then realize nobody cared? yeah that feeling 

“Look there she goes, that girl is strange, no question Dazed and distracted, can't you tell? Never part of any crowd Cause her head's up on some cloud No denying she’s a funny girl, that Belle...”

“[That one? But you've read it twice!] It's my favorite. Far-off places, daring swordfights, magic spells, a prince in disguise...” - SPECIAL INTEREST 

“Look there she goes, that girl is so peculiar I wonder if she's feeling well With a dreamy, far-off look And her nose stuck in a book What a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle...”

“Oh, isn't this amazing? It's my favorite part because you'll see Here's where she meets Prince Charming But she won't discover that it's him till chapter three...” - IF NOBODY LISTENS TO MY INFODUMP I SHALL INFODUMP TO SHEEP

“But behind that fair façade I'm afraid she's rather odd Very diff'rent from the rest of us She's nothing like the rest of us...”

More - deleted song from Moana

honestly the entire song is a bit “want to break off and learn about special interest / be in my own world / be myself” mood 

“The other kids just dance and play How can you play? There's so much out there to explore...”

“She stares at the sky, she stumbles down the beaches She mumbles all the names that her Gramma Tala teaches With one foot here and another in a distant past She’s growing up too fast...”

Part of Your World - The Little Mermaid 

not only a BIG SPECIAL INTEREST MOOD... big “i don’t belong here” mood...

“Look at this trove, treasures untold How many wonders can one cavern hold? Looking around here, you'd think Sure, she's got everything” “I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty I've got whooz-its and whats-its galore You want thing-a-mabobs? I've got twenty But who cares? No big deal. I want more!”

“Betcha on land, they understand Bet they don't reprimand their daughters Bright young women, sick of swimmin', Ready to stand...”

“When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love, Love to explore that shore up above?”

More Than Just the Spare - deleted song from Frozen 

“I'm not part of the town, not born to be queen Just somebody hopelessly in-between She's the scholar, athlete, poet I'm the screw up, don't I know it...”

“I may lack style and I may lack grace And once in a while I fall on my face But this little button deserves a place in the sky This button wants to fly- Wait, buttons can't fly, it doesn't make any sense!”

“And maybe I can't be the perfect one And maybe I err on the side of fun...”

“Someday I'll find my thing, a thing that's all my own That thing that makes me part of something, not just all alone If only all this feeling I have in my heart, could mean something to someone, how I'd love to play that part!”

“Like a button, like a horseshoe Like a girl who's bad at metaphors!”

Proud of Your Boy - Aladdin Broadway Production 

“So say I'm slow for my age A late bloomer, Okay, I agree...”

“But I'll get over these lousin' up Messin' up, screwin' up times You'll see, Ma, now comes the better part Someone's gonna make good, cross his stupid heart Make good and finally make you proud of your boy...”

“Say I'm a goldbrick, a good-off, no good But that couldn't be all that I am...”

“Though I can't make myself taller Or smarter or handsome or wise I'll do my best, what else can I do? Since I wasn't born perfect like Dad or you Mom, I will try to try hard to make you Proud of your boy...”

Let Me Make You Proud - Tangled: The Series

“Maybe I make things a mess And maybe you're right to have doubts in me Maybe, but nevertheless If you for once could just trust me...”

“And when I return And I'm more than you dreamt I'd be Maybe then you will realize That you never actually knew me at all...”

“Cause I long for that look of surprise When you see your son rising at last...”

Almost There - The Princess and the Frog 

“Ain't got time for messin' around And it's not my style...”

“But I know exactly where I'm going Getting closer and closer every day...”

“People down here think I'm crazy But I don't care Trials and tribulations, I've had my share...”

Home - deleted song from Frozen 2 

BIG routine song

“Wandering through the town with everyone doing all of their stuff Somewhere in my heart I feel I've not yet done enough For these people I know, this place that I love so...”

“I know how fragile things can be. If I lost them, I'd lose me They're my ocean, they're my shore. I wanna give them more...”

In a World of My Own / Very Good Advice - mashup cover of Alice in Wonderland 

“They would sit and talk to me for hours When I'm lonely in a world of my own...”

“I could listen to a babbling brook And hear a song that I could understand I keep wishing it could be that way Because my world would be a wonderland...”

“I give myself very good advice But I very seldom follow it That explains the trouble that I'm always in...”

“Be patient is very good advice But the waiting makes me curious And I'd love the change Should something strange begin...”

“Will I ever learn to do the things I should?” 

Reflection - Mulan

“Now I see that if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart...”

“Somehow I cannot hide Who I am, though I've tried...”

“How I pray that a time will come I can free myself from their expectations On that day, I'll discover someway to be myself And to make my family proud...”

“They want a docile lamb, no-one knows who I am Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide? Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?”

If I Wasn’t So Small - Piglet’s Big Movie 

“It's not as if I want to rule the world Or even the forest, or even one tree I suppose I could be happy, if I could be helpful With just a little bit of noticing me...”

“I'd be needed and useful More each passing day...”

Jack’s Lament - The Nightmare Before Christmas 

“Oh somewhere deep inside of these bones An emptiness began to grow There's something out there far from my home A longing that I've never known...”

Everything I Ever Thought I Knew - Tangled: The Series

“I thought no one could love me And how could I have known? I was wrong, oh so wrong...” “Then I thought I found it, a dream that I could share I thought I was so lucky, it almost wasn't fair I thought I knew my purpose, I thought that I knew where I belong But I was wrong...”

“Now that it's all crumbling, help me understand If none of it was really me then who am I supposed to be?”

“I guess my life meant nothing I guess it was a sham I guess I'm someone else now I wonder who I am...”

I’ll Try - Return to Neverland

“I am not a child now I can take care of myself I mustn't let them down now Mustn't let them see me cry...”

“My whole world is changing I don't know where to turn I can't leave you waiting But I can't stay and watch the city burn...”

Waiting in the Wings (Reprise) - Tangled: The Series

“I craved so much, and yet I kept on waiting One glance, one touch, and I just kept on waiting...”

Waiting in the Wings - Tangled: The Series 

“Guess we all are born with parts to play Some of us are stars, and some are just in the way I know I was meant for glory But that's never what my story brings And yet I keep on waiting...”

“When you have the passion and the drive You expect your moment centre stage to arrive I show up with heart ablazing Ready to achieve amazing things But I'm left waiting in the wings...”

“It's always someone else who sings While I'm left waiting in the wings...”

“Always overlooked unfairly, while pretending that it barely stings But it stings, yes, it stings...” 

I’m Still Here (Jim Theme) - Treasure Planet

“I am a question to the world, not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms...”

“And how can you learn what's never shown Yeah, you stand here on your own They don't know me, cause I'm not here...”

“And I want to tell you who I am Can you help me be a man? They can't break me As long as I know who I am...”

“They can't tell me who to be Cause I'm not what they see Yeah, the world is still sleeping While I keep on dreaming for me And their words are just whispers and lies That I'll never believe...”

“And I want a moment to be real Want to touch things I don't feel Wanna hold on, and feel I belong And how can you say I'll never change They're the ones that stay the same I'm the one now Cause I'm still here!”

God Help the Outcasts - The Hunchback of Notre Dame 

“Yes, I know I'm just an outcast I shouldn't speak to You Still, I see Your face and wonder Were You once an outcast, too?”

“God help the outcasts, hungry from birth Show them the mercy they don't find on earth God help my people - we look to You, still God help the outcasts or nobody will...”

“Please help my people, the poor and downtrod I thought we all were the children of God?”

So Close - Enchanted 

honestly the entirety of enchanted is an autism mood but, 

“So close to reaching That famous happy end Almost believing This one's not pretend...”

Into the Unknown - cover of Frozen 2

“There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day And ignore your whisper which I wish would go away...”

“I’ve had my adventure, I don’t need something new...”

“Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me? Who knows deep down I'm not where I am really meant to be?“

“Are you out there? [Do you know me?]  Can you feel me? Can you show me?”

Someone’s Waiting For You - The Rescuers 

“Don't cry, little one There'll be a smile where a frown use to be You'll be part of the love that you see...”

Sally’s Song - The Nightmare Before Christmas 

“I sense there's something in the wind That feels like tragedy's at hand And though I'd like to stand by him Can't shake this feeling that I have...”

“Although I'd like to join the crowd In their enthusiastic cloud Try as I may, it doesn't last...”

Someday - The Hunchback of Notre Dame Off-Broadway Production 

“Someday, when we are wiser When the world's older, when we have learned I pray someday we may yet live To live and let live...”

“Someday, these dreams will all be real Til then we'll wish upon the moon Change will come, one day  Someday soon...”

Where Do I Go From Here - Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World

“They do what they must for now And trust in their plan If I trust in mine, somehow I might find who I am...”

“The path ahead's so hard to see It winds and bends but where it ends Depends on only me In my heart I don't feel part of so much I've known Now it seems it's time to start A new life on my own...”

Wherever You Are - Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin 

“I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake Come and find me I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break Come and find me...”

“I need you to come here and find me Cause without you, I'm totally lost I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so far...”

“I used to believe in forever, But forever’s too good to be true...”

Belle (Reprise) - Beauty and the Beast 

“And for once it might be grand To have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned...”

Endless Night - The Lion King Broadway Production 

“Home is an empty dream Lost to the night Father, I feel so alone...”

“I know that the night must end I know that the sun will rise...”

Set Yourself Free - Tangled: The Series 

“Locked inside a tower, kept behind a wall Sheltered from a world you’ve barely known That’s the way they treat you...”

“There's much more inside of you than anyone can see And now the choice is yours, life waits beyond the doors So step on through, the time has come And only you can set yourself free!”

“So use the gifts you're given Make the world your own Look inside your heart and find the key...”

“Bound up by your worries Trapped by your mistakes Forced to play a role you never chose...”

“No more letting someone else define you to a T You know that you are strong You've known it all along...”

Let it Go - Frozen Broadway Production

“The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried Don't let them in, don't let them see Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know Well, now they know!”

“I don't care what they're going to say Let the storm rage on The cold never bothered me anyway...”

“It’s time to see what I can do  To test the limits and break through  No right, no wrong, no rules for me  I’m free!”

“Let it go, let it go And I’ll rise like the break of dawn! Let it go, let it go  That perfect girl is gone!”

How Far I’ll Go (Reprise) - Moana 

“All that time wondering where I need to be is behind me I'm on my own to worlds unknown...”

Colors of the Wind - Pocahontas 

“You think the only people who are people Are the people who look and think like you But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger You'll learn things you never knew, you never knew...”

Strangers Like Me - Tarzan 

when u meet another autistic person.... 

“Whatever you do, I'll do it, too Show me everything and tell me how It all means something And yet nothing to me...”

“I can see there's so much to learn It's all so close and yet so far I see myself as people see me Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there...”

Beyond My Wildest Dreams - The Little Mermaid Broadway Production 

“Look over there! Oh my god! How very odd! And what might they be? Something splendid, maybe! Look over here! Could you bust? Isn't it just bedazzling, dazing, utterly amazing! Gazing 'round, it's like, to die! Just seeing it feels so good, I'd scream if I only could!”

“Just keeps on gawking- Weird how she's not talking!”

“I'd hoped and wished My life would feel enchanted! Wished and prayed The fates would hear my plea...”

Watch What Happens - Newsies Broadway Production 

“’Write what you know’ So they say, all I know is I don't know what to write Or the right way to write it...”

“It could practically write itself And let's pray it does, cause as I may have mentioned I have no clue what I'm doing!”

“Speak up, take a stand, and there's someone to write about it That's how things get better...”

[also. the squeal.]

“Like someone said, "Power tends to corrupt" And absolute power, wait, wait, corrupts? Absolutely, that is genius! But give me some time, I'll be twice as good as that six months from never...”

“Just look around at the world we're inheriting And think of the one we'll create...”

“Give those kids and me the brand new century and watch what happens It's David and Goliath, do or die The fight is on and I can't watch what happens But all I know is nothing happens if you just give in It can't be any worse than how it's been And it just so happens that we just might win So whatever happens, let's begin!”

Son of Man - Tarzan 

“Oh, the power to be strong and the wisdom to be wise All these things will come to you in time On this journey that you're making, there'll be answers that you'll seek And it's you who'll climb the mountain It's you who'll reach the peak...”

“Though there's no one there to guide you, no one to take your hand But with faith and understanding You will journey from boy to man...”

“In learning you will teach and in teaching you will learn You'll find your place beside the ones you love Oh, and all the things you dreamed of, the visions that you saw Well, the time is drawing near now It's yours to claim it all!”

Strange Sight - Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast 

“You stand in the light You're wrong, but you're right And my heart's beating wildly Strange how I'm scared but delighted Afraid, but excited too!”

“Do you long to be left all alone? Set apart with a heart made of stone? Let me help, let's begin Let me learn, won't you let me in? All the light, let it show...”

“You are a strange sight, some new kind of wonder With good hidden under, I'm sure that it's true Strange how your dark doesn't faze me...”

Wind in My Hair - Tangled: The Series 

“What if the doors began to open? What if the knots became untied? What if one day, nothing stood in my way And the world was mine?”

“Plenty of mysteries to unravel Tons of mistakes to not regret So much to see, and to do and to be A whole life to spend And it doesn't end...”

For a Moment - The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea 

“This way is left, but which way is right? Well, now I'll be circling in circles all night...” - direction problems amirite

“This is more than my thoughts ever thought it could be For a moment, just a moment, lucky me...”

“For a moment, I can feel, All the dreams I've been dreaming are real, Wish my mother could hear it, the sea is my song For a moment, just a moment I belong...”

Speechless - Aladdin 2019 Remake

i would like to send this song to autism $peaks (hate group) underlined in red and with a photo attached of me with a middle finger up 

“Here comes a wave meant to wash me away A tide that is taking me under Swallowing sand, left with nothing to say. My voice drowned out in the thunder...”

“Written in stone, every rule, every word Centuries old and unbending ‘Stay in your place, better seen and not heard.’ Well, now that story is ending!”

“Let the storm in! I cannot be broken! No, I won't live unspoken! Cause I know that I won't go speechless!”

“Try to lock me in this cage! I won't just lay me down and die! I will take these broken wings And watch me burn across the sky!”

“I won't be silenced! Though you wanna see me tremble when you try it, All I know is I won't go speechless, speechless! Cause I'll breathe when they try to suffocate me! Don't you underestimate me! Cause I know that I won't go speechless!”

Show Yourself - Frozen 2 

the siren call... stimmy

“Something is familiar, like a dream I can reach but not quite hold I can sense you there, like a friend I've always known I'm arriving, it feels like I am home...”

“I have always been a fortress Cold secrets deep inside...”

“Are you the one I've been looking for all of my life? Show yourself! I'm ready to learn...”

“I've never felt so certain! All my life, I've been torn But I'm here for a reason- could it be the reason I was born? I have always been so different, normal rules did not apply Is this the day? Are you the way I finally find out why?”

“I am found!”

“You are the one you've been waiting for All of your life...”

Here I Am - Camp Rock 

“They tell you a good girl is quiet and that you should never ask why Cause it only makes it harder to fit in And you should be happy, excited, even if you're just invited Cause the winners need someone to clap for them...”

“It's so hard just waiting in a line that never moves It's time you started making your own rules...”

“If how you’re living isn't working there's one thing that'll help You got to finally just stop searching and find yourself...”

“The world better make some room Yea move over, over Cause you’re coming through!”

“You gotta scream until there's nothing left With your last breath Say here I am! Here I am! Make em listen Cause there is no way you'll be ignored Not anymore...”

Us Against the Universe - Phineas and Ferb: The Movie - Candace Against the Universe

“I used to feel alone, just me against the raging tide, But I guess I should've known that you were always on my side. Now I don't have to be an island, cause you've been there all the while, and Now I realize my fears weren't justified!”

“Cause as long as we're together, We can stand and face whatever Kind of trouble this world tries to put us in. If you're out there on your own, You just might take it on the chin Cause if it's us against the universe, we win!”

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

🛁 🔥🧼SPA DAY FROM HELL 🧼🔥🛁

Prompt: Y/N has never been happier to finally have her spa day time at home, but what it should be a relaxing day, becomes quite the opposite when a beautiful Irish man decides to join her.

Word count: Long-ish

Pairing: Finn Bálor x Reader

Warnings: +18, smut(implied), fluff, frustrated spa day, clingy Finn.

Notes: This is dedicated to my sincere love for cosmetics and Fergal Devitt! 😂 I don’t know why, but Finn has always gave me the feeling of being extra loving, extra caring, extra sweet, even a little needy and clingy (which I’m a sucker for guys who can be extremely affectionate) and he just seems like the type, that’s why most of my fluff ideas for stories always end up having him as part of the plot, he exudes that energy of pure love and affection, I don’t know, there you have it I guess.. Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and my newest story as a fixed post.Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

Earlier that morning

I finished gathering all of my essential materials for my weekly spa day at home.

This was a sacred weekly routine I’ve had for as long as I can remember, one day of the week where I would shut myself off the world, without a single care for nothing except my own self! In crazy weeks, such as the one I just had, this was the day I eagerly waited for. My little piece of heaven on earth, where nothing could go wrong...

I was beginning to take my clothes off when a loud thump coming from downstairs, in the living room, startled me to death.

*Oh God, please don’t let it be an intruder* I silently prayed as I grabbed a metal baseball bat from the bathroom (Yes, I have one metal baseball bat on each room of this house ok? I know it sounds slightly paranoid, but I’ve had a rough childhood so don’t judge me!)

I made my way downstairs in my underwear and armed with my faithful baseball bat. I already placed it to attack mode, when I saw a manly figure kneeled down, messing around with a large bag, with his back facing the stairs.

*A burglar! Oh, you’ve messed with the wrong house motherfucker!*

As I was ready to give my knockout attack to the back of his head, the man said

“Argh! Every damn time this happens ta me! I need ta fix this cursed zipper”

*I know that voice..*

“Fergal Devitt! Have you lost your mind?!”

Finn’s whole body jumped from fright and he turned to face me.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N! Ya almost gave me a heart attack!”

“No, I almost knocked your ass down, Devitt! Don’t you know better than showing up like a creep on my house like that?Don’t you know all about my ‘attack mode’ whenever I hear noises around the house?Fuck, I thought you were a burglar or something, I almost killed you!” I said, with my heart still beating at a ferocious pace from both the fright and almost hurting him.

“And did ya planned on killing tha burglar with tha bat or from a severe hard on?” He pointed with his chin towards my black and red lace lingerie.

“Ha ha, very funny Fergal. I’m serious! I could’ve hurt you really bad you know?”

“Oh trust me, ya are” He stood up and adjusted himself on his black jeans.

“Finn, I’m not joking babe” I said placing the baseball bat down on the couch.

“Me neither! Those are ta kill any man” He said as he approached me.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, tightly securing me on his embrace while he kissed me deeply. Once we broke the kiss, he looked at me and said

“I’m sorry ta scare ya like that, I just wanted ta surprise ya”

“It’s ok baby, I loved the surprise, but please don’t do that anymore! It scares me to think what could’ve happened if I didn’t notice it was you.” I pecked his lips “Just give me a heads up next time ok?”

“Ok love. Now what do ya say about we go upstairs and have a little adult fun time, huh?”

“Uhmmm, I don’t know about that..” I teased

“I’ll make ya change yer mind love” He lightly chuckled as he kissed down my neck

Later in the afternoon

I begin to lay out my products on the bathroom sink, carefully choosing where to begin. When Finn bursted through the bathroom door.

“What yer doing love?” While he bites on an red apple.

“Jesus Finn, don’t you know how to knock?”

“What? There’s no need fer me ta knock”

“Yes there is!” I said shocked “What if I was doing something private?”

“Private?” He chuckled “Love, I’ve seen it all before. Yer gorgeous. It’s not like ya need ta hide from me” He sincerely smiled

I just took a deep breath as a response

“Ya didn’t answer me. What yer doing?” He pointed to my products beautifully placed on the sink, while he hungrily chewed on his apple.

“I’m setting things up for my spa day”

“Spa day?”

“Yes, I always take one day of the week to have some quality me time in which I happily do my weekly spa routine” I smiled at him proudly

“So what exactly do ya do on this spa day?”

“Well it changes depending on the week I’ve had. Sometimes I do more, sometimes I do less, but today I’ll be deep exfoliating my body and face, put a detoxifying mask on my hair and face followed by a nourishing mask for my face, applying a moisturizing mask on my hair and a deep moisturizing lotion on my body. I also might do my nails, but I’m not sure yet”

When I didn’t get a response I looked up to Finn who’ve had mixture between shock and amusement on his face.

“What?” I asked

“Wow love,that’s...a lot! No wonder yer skin’s so fucking soft” He said in awe

“Well..I like doing that..is sort of a way to relax I guess” I was blushing in sort of an embarrassed way

“I don’t mean it like it’s a bad thing ya know?! How do ya know so much about those things?”

“I don’t know that much about it, I just like reading about it and testing products...Some people see it as a futile thing but, I like it you know?” I said slightly self conscious about the amount of time people judged me as a complete hollow, materialistic and futile person, just for my sincere love for cosmetics.

Finn stood up from the tub, where he was seated, made his way to me and placed his hands on my hips.

“Well, I don’t think it’s futile. I think that ya shouldn’t be embarrassed about tha things ya like, ya should be proud of it, love! Besides” He started to kiss down my neck “I love tha fact that I get ta enjoy tha end results” He roamed his hands upon my bare skin

“Finny...if you keep doing that, I’m not gonna be able to do anything” I sighed

“But I can’t help it! Yer skin is so soft, ya smell so good and I’ve missed ya so much” He pressed his hardening bulge against my ass “Tha only thing I had ta keep me company at night was yer t-shirt...It helped, but it’s not tha same...” He pressed me harder against him “I need ta give it back ta ya, since I’ve made such good use of it, it doesn’t even smells like ya anymore baby” He bites my ear lightly

“Finn....please babe” I tried to fight back the growing need of him

“C’mon love, just give me a few minutes huh?! I just need some loving” He started to dry hump his hard bulge against my ass

“Fuck” I moan “Fine, just a few minutes”

In the late afternoon

“Finally” I sighed softly to myself. As I was opening the package of my face mask I hear some terrible singing coming from the room next door. It sounds like a fucking dying animal..

“Oh God, please tell me this is a joke” I made my way to the room next door and entered, just to find Finn only on his briefs, with headphones on, singing terribly to the very loud music playing, doing some laundry.

“Finn?” I called, a minute passed with no response

“FINN?” Still silent, as he bounces his hips (or at least tries to) to the rhythm of the music. When I realize that my yelling is useless, I made my way towards him and took one headphone out.

“Fergal?”

“Hey love” he pecks my lips “What yer up to?”

“I’m trying to relax” I said slightly annoyed

“Oh, I can help ya with that” he smirked as he reached for my tank top. I slapped his hand away, before saying

“I don’t mean it like that, I mean I’m trying to do my spa day, and your awful deadly singing is not helping at all. I love you, but you’re so fucking tone deaf! It’s driving me crazy!”

He chuckled and said as he approached me

“I have another way ta make ya relax love..”

“Fergal! Don’t you think, we’ve fucked enough already? We’ve done it twice and you’ve only been in this house for six hours!” I backed away from him

“I can’t never get enough of ya lass. I don’t think we’ve fucked enough already, I want ta fuck ya all tha time.” He reaches his arms to me

“Fergal, don’t you dare”

“Come here Y/N, let me tell ya a secret” he smiles deviously

The fucker knew what effect he has on me every time he gets this raw and possessive.

“Finn, I’m serious”

“Don’t be like that Y/N, I just want ta tell ya something, come here”

“You can said it out loud, I’m listening”

“I told ya it’s a secret, nobody can hear it”

“It’s just us here Fergal”

“Still..” He ran towards me, I was caught off guard so I didn’t even had time to process his surprise attack until I was laying down on the floor and Finn on top of me, pining me down.

“Ferg, what are you doing? Let me go”

“Hmmmm, I’m not really in tha mood ta let ya go” His eyes sparkling with mischief

“Finn, please I got stuff to do” I tugged my wrists in an attempt to free myself from his grip

“You were tha one who came in here lass”

“Yes, because I thought there was a dying animal on this room, Jesus, you almost got me deaf with your rotten singing”

He only chuckled as he buried his face on my neck

“In a few minutes I bet ya there’s gonna be another type of screaming in this room”....

In the late evening

I had sadly gave up my spa day and was only filling up the tub so I could take a bath, it was the only thing I could do since I was exhausted thanks to Finn.

The bath salts smelled incredible so I strip off my remaining clothes (which consisted in basically my tank top and panties)

And hopped on the bathtub, I sighed in content, feeling my muscles start to loosen up and the relaxation finally hitting me. But that soon went down the drain when the bathroom door opened

“Hmmm smells nice in here”

I opened my eyes to see Finn at the foot of the bathtub *Please tell me I slept in the tub and drowned and this is my version of hell*

“So selfish Y/N” he clicked his tongue

“What?”

“Ya didn’t even invited me?”

I had already accepted the fact that I wasn’t gonna have a time for myself as long as Finn is home so I just said

“Do you wanna come in?”

He just smiled like a little boy and took off his boxers. I leaned forward to give some space for him to hop on behind me, but he said

“I want ta be in tha front”

It was a rare occasion for Finn to want to be in front of me, but whenever he was far away for a long time he liked to be the little spoon, it was cute to see a man as strong as Finn wanting to be the one who’s comforted. I actually eager those moments when we would switch places and I was the one able to take care of him.

He sat on the tub in front of me, resting his back on my breasts, his head on my shoulder, pulled my legs on top of his so that his arms could rest on my thighs. One of my arms slides on top of his shoulder to cross his chest while my other arm was resting on the side of the tub stroking his short hair. As he hummed in appreciation.

“I like this love”

“Yeah, me too” I kissed his cheek lightly

After a few minutes of a comfortable silence he says

“Are ya mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I ruined yer spa day?” He looked at me with guilty eyes

“Finny, you didn’t ruined baby, you just...happily convinced me of doing other activities instead” I chuckled softly

“I’m sorry love, is just that, I can’t help it ya know? I love ya so much and I missed ya so much that I just wanted ya all ta myself today”

“Oh Finny, that’s so sweet baby. You can have me whenever you want sunshine. I’m not complaining”

“So does that mean that I can have ya all fer myself tomorrow?” He stared at me pleading with those beautiful ocean blue eyes

“Of course baby, you can have me all day if you want, at least for as long as you’re home” I smiled

“Really? Everyday, all day long, without ya having ta work?”

“Yeah, I promise you”

“Good” He sighs in content

“How long are you staying home?”

“Two weeks love”

My eyes widened in shock “Two weeks?”

“Yeah, I managed ta get a few extra days off” He smirked and pecks my lips

I still looked at him in disbelief, I was ready for four days or something, now two weeks?

“Good thing ya work fer yourself, right love?” He hummed satisfied “Oh can ya wash my hair please? I love when ya do that”

I just nodded in agreement

He happily smiles “Thank you baby. I love ya” As he rested his head on my shoulder again and closed his eyes

How the hell was I supposed to fuck this Irish man four times a day for two weeks straight? Maybe I should Google that, right?...

[kkgbutsane]

The First Day of School

It was a dewy morning. Not too hot, not too cold, far too humid. It was the usual for Hyakkou High School, where students came to learn and excel in their studies while maintaining good social relationships. The school was usually filled with many different students. Any stereotype you could think of, Hyakkou had it. 

The students usually had fun. The Principal was quite lax when it came to certain things. All he asked of the students was to respect each other and respect the building. And to keep their grades up of course. They would be failing as a school if the students weren’t receiving the proper education!

And this is where their story begins.

“Ack. Hey! Mary!” Ryota called out from behind the blonde, who was currently looking down on her phone. The boy ran up to his best friend, hooking his arm around the back of her neck to bring her into a headlock. “Hey! Don’t mess up my hair you dork!” Mary growled, trying to wrestle her way out of Ryota’s lock.

The two continued their conundrum until they reached the gates of the school, where Mary finally got a good grip and threw her friend over her shoulder, thus leading to him falling on his backpack. “Ow…,” he muttered, smiling like an idiot.

Mary Saotome and Ryota Suzui had been friends since childhood. They were even neighbors, and she often came over to his house to play on his Wii with him. Their friendship had blossomed into a relationship.

Until they realized they were better off as best friends. In fact, after they had broken up and continued to be platonic, it seemed as though their friendship grew stronger.

“Hi guys!” The two heard a familiar voice, registering it as their other best friend, Yumeko Jabami. Yumeko had met them all in middle school, when she had moved here with her sister. The ravenette was one to take risks, and found pleasure in dangerous things. Of course, only in moderation. In reality, the only things she had taken much risk for was a move in a fighting game. Or a board game.

Her bubbly exterior was often in place of her mellow interior. She tended to keep to herself truly, unless with her friends.

“Yumeko!” Ryota yelled happily, jogging over and scooping the girl in a tight hug. Much to his delight, Yumeko returned the hug tenfold.

“ShiT, I can’t breaTHE-,” he barely managed, his face turning purple. He should have known, the girl was a strong hugger. “Oi, calm down you two, before I separate you guys for 10 minutes straight, and I know that will be a pain since you usually do homework together in the mornings,” Mary stated, crossing her arms. Yumeko finally relented, giving Ryota’s respiratory system some reprieve. Yumeko looked quite meek, but she could give hugs like no other.

“Mary!” Yumeko giggled, giving the blonde another one of her bone crushing hugs. “Sup, dumbass,” Mary replied, smiling softly at her friend’s gestures of affection. “Are you all ready for your first days of school!?” 

It was the start of junior year for the three, and boy were their classes packed. Ryota was taking a few classes on science and health, as well as a gym class to exercise and get fit. He wanted to be a firefighter, and such education was necessary to ensure he was a good candidate for the job.

“I have… Anatomy first period. Woohoo,” Mary sighed. She was actually quite excited, but decided not to show it in order to keep her cool exterior. The path she had chosen was Emergency Medical Services, and taking anatomy was the first step in her opinion.

“Oh? That’s so wonderful! I have Calculus for my first period. I wonder if Sayaka is going to be in that class!” Yumeko said eagerly. Sayaka was one of the other kids attending this school. The girl mainly kept to herself, but she had recently started acquainting herself with the ravenette.

“Gah! Sorry I’m late guys! I kinda missed my bus…” A ginger voice panted, revealed to be none other than Itsuki Sumeragi. The strawberry blonde had met the three last year when she was a sophomore. After transferring from a private school to Hyakkou, the tight-knit group had taken her in, welcoming her as one of their own. “Hey! I heard there’s gonna be a pair of new students! I hear they’re seniors,” Itsuki gossiped, taking out her Nintendo Switch and turning it on.

“Ooh, Smash? Let’s do this!” Ryota declared, taking his controller and setting it to his button map.

“So what about these new students? Do they seem weird or anything?” Mary inquired, picking her character, King K. Rool, and setting her button map. “Oh come on, why do you ALWAYS play heavies!?” Ryota complained, picking Marth as his character. “Because heavies are fucking goated, why else?” the blonde snarked back, a sly smirk on her face.

“I don’t know. But I heard they’re twins!” Itsuki giggled, sitting down to watch them play.

“Heya guys,” a shrill voice came out of nowhere. “You playin’ Smash? I’ll join!” it giggled. Runa had seemingly appeared out of nowhere in her oversized jacket. “Oh no…,” The entire group groaned.

“Runa, you’re cool and all, but whenever we play with you, you find a way to resize our assholes every match in different ways. I really don’t want to get 0-to-deathed consecutively while you stay on three stocks. Seriously, how the fuck do you even do it!?” Mary spoke, seemingly for the entire group. “I dunno, just practice TBH,” was all Runa said, picking up a controller. “And fuck you, I’m playing anyway.” 

The sound of groans could be heard around the courtyard after that statement.

Sayaka Igarashi, resident Valedictorian-to-be, had come over to the table with Midari Ikishima, who was dragging along a seemingly sleepy senior. “C’mon Yuriko. I know you have senioritis but our friends are here!” Midari grumbled, literally dragging Yuriko. Yuriko Nishinotounin had gotten a severe case of Senioritis, especially since most of her classes were a breeze this year. 

“Would you both calm down please!? They’re playing a game, and I’m trying to read!” Sayaka chided, mentally swearing at the rebel. “Chill out, Sayaka, Yuriko is already falling asleep on me and it’s not even 7:30!” Midari grumbled.

“I can’t wait for senior year to be over,” Yuriko yawned, sitting on the table everyone was at basically falling asleep.

“What the fu- NO!” Mary yelled, distracted by Yuriko long enough for Runa to get a move on her, resulting in her virtual demise. “Fuuuuck!” she sighed, hitting her head against the wooden table. “FUCK!” she repeated, after feeling the pain that came along with it. Ryota had already fallen out of the competition.

Please nerf Lucas.

Yumeko hummed happily to herself, reading some random tabloid article on her phone. As the bell rang, they all dispersed into their classes.

“See you guys later!” Ryota called, jogging over to the weight room for his first period.

The three girls had made their way over to the Portables, then separating into their classrooms. 

Sayaka practically dragged her two friends to their classes and then her own, all while keeping to the schedule. Anatomy was her first period, and she sat next to Mary. 

It wouldn’t be too bad of a year. Mary was a good student and wasn’t too hard to talk to. She just mostly liked to keep to herself.

“Good morning class! Welcome to Anatomy! You guys are obviously gonna be learning about the body, it’s functions, what is where and what goes where and woop dee dah, all the good stuff! Hopefully I can make learning about how food passes through the body actually entertaining for y’all, but first we have two new students with us today! They’ve recently transferred over, so let’s give ‘em a warm welcome to Hyakkou!” The teacher, Mrs. Murray, announced. She looked a bit older, with a tall figure and ginger hair in her face. Her glasses looked odd, but it added to her look.

People like Mrs. Murray because she was actually a good teacher. She cared about her students and actually helped them if they needed it.

“Ladies, if you would please introduce yourselves!” 

The entire class looked at the two, and for a moment they thought they saw double.

“Hello. My name is Kirari Momobami. I’m a senior here, and it’s a pleasure to meet you all. I hope we can get along,” The girl, now known as Kirari, had stated.

It seemed her sister’s turn was up next.

“Er.. I’m Ririka Momobami. We’re twins. I hope we can… have a good time!” Ririka muttered, almost too quietly for the class to hear.

Mrs. Murray smiled and beckoned them to take their seats.

Their seats were in front of both Sayaka and Mary, who seemed to be in a state of both ‘gay’ and ‘panic’.

The two twins looked vastly different, with Kirari’s hair done in twin loop braids and dressed in a rather classy manner, while Ririka’s hair was free to fall.

Wait.

Did Ririka have a sweatshirt that had the Poggers Man on it?

Mary internally laughed at that. It was adorable.

When class had dispersed to work in groups, Mary and Sayaka had picked each other on instinct, then looking for two more partners to start their work on.

“Sayaka!” Mary whisper-yelled, a small blush on her face. She then gestured to her phone to text the girl.

Mary S: HOLY SHIT IM GAY

Sayaka I: I am too. Which one are you gay for?

Mary S: Ririka.

Sayaka I: Oh. I like her too.

Mary glared at Sayaka for a moment.

Mary S: The one with the adorable hair and clothing?

The blonde mentally facepalmed, of course Sayaka would think that. No matter the twin.

Sayaka I: Yes. I love how her hair is done. Plus her shirt looks nice.

Mary S: Oh. So the one with the weird braids?

Sayaka I: Don’t call them weird.

Mary S: ok but dont worry cause im crushing on the other twin. I swear her sweatshirt is adorable.

Sayaka I: .

Sayaka I: poggers

Mary S: LMAO HOLD UP IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS ONE

Sayaka I: Be my guest.

The two had reluctantly come up to the twins.

“Hello! I am Sayaka Igarashi, and this is Mary Saotome. It seems you both don’t have another pair, so if you’d like, we can work with you,” Sayaka stated, trying to sound as polite as possible. Nothing could hide the blush on her face though.

“Sure, I would love to work with you both,” Kirari replied, a small smirk forming on her face.

Ririka just nodded with a small smile.

It was going to be a long year.

[beautifulweird0]

Forgiving Your Parents

I know too many people who’ve experienced some form of trauma from their parents. This isn’t a blog about bashing your folks- this is hopefully a post that will help salvage some strained parent and child relationships. Cause I been there, done that-and understanding your parent is only feasible if your parent is interested in understanding you.

My disclaimer is this: The child isn’t responsible for mending the relationship...solely. I’mma tell you like this, if your parent doesn’t want anything to do with you...skip em’.

   Because that’s backwards as hell and that takes away from loving yourself. Anyway you chop it, if you find yourself forcing yourself on a “parent”, the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere-AND THAT’S NOT YOUR FAULT OR CONCERN. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE EXTREMELY WORTHY. I’m so sorry your people ain’t solid; it’s a reflection of them-not you.

It’s my belief that something is wrong with a person if they want no parts of having a relationship with their child. Literally so messed up from their own unhealed traumas that they can’t find it within themselves to love someone they created…

Ain’t no fixing on that unless you take they ass to a therapist.

Moving on.

I’ve always had such a strong feeling in my gut when I come across new people. It’s like they look at me and think I got it all. Truly looking at me and seeing a woman who doesn’t have insecurities or childhood traumas spotted along her path cause I’m kind and always make it a point to smile like Granny told me.

    I’m usually a private person. But its always been that ‘pull’ on me-telling me… “It’s another little girl that is going through the same stuff you went through. Say that shit anyway. And with your chest.” .

Think about it...

Can’t a soul embarrass you about some stuff you open about. That takes all the fun out of their miserable lives if folks know wassup already.

    So as a 22 year old woman that been through some mess with her people, let me share pieces of me. Cause the last thing you want on your conscience is one of your parents passing and ya’ll not being on the best of terms.

I was listening to Mad Bitches the other day and Mikhala Jene said something along the lines of, “Nobody living is perfect”.

That hit me a little different. Like damn...nobody walks this earth perfect so...why do we expect perfection (again, subconsciously).

THIS.

   This is why I say if your parent is trying, then work with them. If they sit down with you and tell you how life was for them coming up. The good parts, the ugly parts, and everything in-between. Trying their best to be authentic and build a bond, then meet em’ halfway (if they haven’t been on some stuff that’s just unforgivable).

And shit, our people ain’t have everything at their fingertips as we do. The apps that spread information quicker than you could sneeze, weren't available. They couldn’t go on a ‘self-care’ page to calm themselves down if triggered or go on YouTube and watch motivational videos. Not making excuses, just using a little perspective that helps me! Yet and still, let your parent(s) know if they did something to wrong you; you gotta’ have respect for yourself as a human. Period.

   I didn’t find out who my biological father was until I was about 16 years old. Up until that point I believed another man was my father (which he is still and will always be!).

Sooo...I already had abandonment issues from my parents and my dad lived in a way at that time, that all parties involved thought it was best my grandparents took us in. That’s all I know is Granny’s (& Grandpa’s) house since I was a baby.

    It helped that when my mom told me who my biological dad was, she was in a much better state of mind and stable-but man...I didn’t know what to feel. My sister was more upset than me (cause we have the same dad hypothetically).

     So many questions ran through my head that I couldn’t even cry or be mad. I was shocked. Everyone played their role so well…

There was a long road ahead of me. Not only did I have to forgive my mom and dad for lying to me for so long, but there was a father in the same city I had yet to know.

My first point is patience. If you aren’t going to be patient with an end goal for you and your parent, you’re wasting your time. Being prepared for them to fumble sometimes is mandatory if y’all going to get to a better place. You mess up on certain projects or what have you’s a few times before you get it right...right?

Give your parent the same energy if you were in their shoes. Cause baby...ain’t nothing worse than admitting your wrongs and still getting beat down. I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at my mom in that moment where she was vulnerable and upset cause she knew she played a part in hurting me. What was it gone do but make me feel bad and her feel worse?

     Blowing up wasn’t going to change what happened now 22 years ago.

Yeah, there’s hella’ books on parenting but I’mma tell y’all like my Granny told me, “There’s no such thing as a book on how to be a parent.”.

Having a child of my own- I’ve been witness to this. Folks can be shown and folks can be told on how to do certain things but with each child being different in this world, you have to be intune with them specifically- no book on that.

I was through hell and back with my mother and now we’re in an extremely better place because we both made the effort (more-so on her part 🌚).

But it was my responsibility to go into it with pure intentions and my guard down a bit after she made the effort; disappointment is what I expected sometimes cause I went into it knowing it was going to be a process.

Don’t get it confused,  my mom always knew how I was-that wasn’t the issue. The new end goal was getting to know each other again so I could understand her better so I could forgive her. That’s no sucka’ shit. Its real. Everybody in this life is going to disappoint you, one way or another. Better to know what you’re dealing with so you can assess the situation in order to better assess the person. Free game.

Another step to keep in mind is, boundaries. I just feel like it will make the whole exchange smoother-not easier- but smoother. The point of forgiving your parents and (if you chose) trying to build a relationship, is to have them know you for who you are NOW. Not when you were 5, not when you was 12...have them meet you at your level. They dropped the ball, not you. Sure...nobody asked to be here but that becomes invalid when you start having babies of your own. It’s a different ball game when you bring a life into this world. Your joys become the joy of your children but way too often we forget that our pain becomes theirs as well.

My father always tried too-the dad that I always knew as my dad. On weekends me and my sister would go to his house before he moved to Michigan. Man I was a daddies girl-still am. My grandparents had the house on lock, couldn't watch programs with cussing in it or too much violence. Life of having Southern Baptist grandparents I guess.

 The weekends at pops house was always interesting. I could watch all the music videos I wanted and watch the movies that didn't have too much goin on in them.

My dad would do different stuff with us like go to the library; he always knew I loved reading. Sometimes my dad would take us to the park or a friends house who had kids (how I met my husband), water parks, or even cooking dinner with me and my sister; plenty of quality time where I could talk to him about anything.

However, at the time, pops lived a certain lifestyle and no matter how hard he tried to shield it from us younger kids, I still seen things and experienced things a child shouldn't have. Again, comes with the lifestyle I guess.

My dad drunk...ALOT. And it was interesting to see the 'upsides' of alchoholism and the very big downsides. I'd never forget, I was maybe 8? Another weekend at my dads, just me and my sister (I have multiple brothers on that side too plus another sister), and I woke up one morning on the couch. My dad was goin through some things- all he had was a couch that he let me and my little sister sleep on. My 1st thought when I woke up was where was my dad sleeping? My sister was sleep, and it was still fairly early in the morning. I go back to the empty bedroom to find him sleep on the floor. No pillow. No cover. Just a beer in hand, laid out. That broke my heart.

Just remember feeling sad all over. I took the beer, threw it away then grabbed the pillow I had and laid it under his head. While doing so, my dad woke up, halfway and kissed my hand.

He told me straight up he loves me and he apologized. Didn't go into detail but he didn't have to. My dad never had his pops in his life, nor his mama until he was grown and was taking care of her though her illness.

I knew even at 8 years old that, that gotta hurt. I'm not gone sit here and act like I always understood the motives of my father but I tried because he always tried to understand me and til' this day, he is one of the top 3 people that KNOWS me like the back of his hand.

I had to forgive my parents because they’ve come a long way. Holding all that anger and resentment wasn’t gone help me in the long run. And in a way I can say I've helped to heal them by loving them through their screw ups. We always talk about a parents love but what about a child's love?

I don’t want to pass down my pain to my son, he don’t need that- the world will give its fair share. But everyday I pray that the world won’t hurt him bad. I want my son to be nothing less than strong mentally, emotionally, but most of all spiritually. He won’t have that unless I’m solid. So I ask myself… ‘hm, what’s still hurting me?’.

We all got a story to tell.

Love. Peace. Manifest.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Something Held | Feeding Habits Update #8

Hi all!

Not me not realizing it’s been 3 months since I posted a Feeding Habits update hahahahahaha. Today let’s chat chapter nine, SOMETHING HELD. This also marks the last chapter in Harrison’s POV so prepare to say goodbye to this icon!  TW: body horror, mental illness, trauma

Just a reminder: This is my original work and plagiarism of any form will not be tolerated.

Scene outline, excerpts & a little reflection on making difficult decisions that my not particularly benefit the book but benefit you as the writer under the cut because this update is GIGANTIC.

General taglist (please ask to be added or removed):

@if-one-of-us-falls, @qatarcookie, @chloeswords, @alicewestwater, @laughtracksonata, @shylawrites, @ev–writes, @jaydewritesfiction, @jennawritesstories @eowynandfaramir, @august-iswriting​, @aetherwrites​

Scene Breakdown

Scene A:

It has been two weeks since Lonan found Harrison at his shared apartment with Suzanna and things are getting strange. Lonan and Suz are getting closer, Harrison is getting more distant and slowly losing it. One morning, Harrison wakes hearing Lonan and Suz’s laughter, and crawls to the kitchen to investigate. When he reaches them, Suz is evening out Lonan’s hacked haircut and they’re both sobbing.

Scene B:

Shortly after this bizarre encounter, Suzanna steps out of the apartment for a breather because her son is sort of terrifying her! So Lonan and Harrison double-team to clean up Lonan’s hair shavings. Harrison begins eating the hair while Lonan stares and they have a conversation about the state of their friendship.

Scene Ba:

This scene is gross and confusing! More hair is ingested. My god.

Scene Bb:

After the above ordeal, both boys rinse off because they’ve been rolling?? around?? in??? hair?? but also?? things don’t stop being a little gross

Scene C:

An air of calm finally settles over the apartment. Lonan brews earl grey tea for him and Harrison to share and Harrison asks if he abandoned Lonan in the final chapter of Moth Work. Lonan doesn’t really answer this question so Harrison continues on his confused, but finally lucid (one-sided) conversation, admitting he understands he burdens his mother, who still has not returned. They circle back to the question of abandonment and Lonan answers Harrison the way he wants to be answered (yes), and this is a moment of freeing, where he feels some sort of responsibility in this irresponsible new life he’s led in NYC. They sort of agree to be friends again.

Scene D:

The boys head into the city to find Suzanna, heading to a bakery near the Hudson River. Lonan drives in his used car, a strange experience since Harrison has not seen him drive in years. Taking the opportunity, he searches through the car and finds a map in the glove compartment. The map is erratically scribbled over and it takes him to moment to realize this is Lonan’s map and the first indication that Lonan, who he has assumed is this stable, perfect person, is not as unscathed as he seems.

The boys pass the waterfront and Lonan nearly crashes the car into an oncoming truck. Harrison regains control of the vehicle tucking them into a side street. Shaken, Lonan apologizes for the mess he’s created both physically from his nosebleed and between Harrison and his mother, which gets Harrison a little antsy because he doesn’t like the suggestion that he’s going to leave. Lonan clarifies, stating he won’t if that’s what Harrison wants.

Scene E:

Later, everyone is back at home and Harrison wakes up to a Lonan-less bed. He gets up to investigate the strange dripping coming from the bathroom and opens the door to find Lonan precariously teetering over a sink filled with water. Harrison, concerned, moves him away and tries to ask why Lonan is presumably going underwater, but doesn’t push. They both stand on opposite sides of the bathroom until the sun rises.

My process:

Honestly, writing this chapter was a huge up and down. The first half of it came much easier to me, but the rest was a literal hellfire to get through. I think I was incredibly fatigued with writing in Harrison’s POV as I’d been writing it since June (I finished this chapter in either December or January). This book has been a pain in the ass to write despite me liking what it is, and I really think it being the only place I’ve physically “gone” since the pandemic makes it even harder to write. I felt claustrophobic in Harrison’s POV since I’ve been writing it for half a year, and in a lil ~breakdown~ my beautiful sister reminded me of something she’d previously told me, “it's not about what works, it's about what you want”.

Let’s chat about this for a sec! I think I was watching a Harmony Nice video on her “hard-to-swallow” self-care, and she basically outline (I’m paraphrasing here) that it’s critical we care for ourselves in ways that might not necessarily be easy to do. Honestly, leaving Harrison’s POV is one of those hard-to-swallow self-care things I literally had to do because my mental health was not happy with me! Y’all know my boys are very close to me, and I’m not picking favourites but Lonan is 2500 times easier for me to write with at the moment. I think Harrison’s situation and how he deals with it is much too similar to mine but in a way that is difficult to place (Lonan and I are unfortunately similar but in a way that is easier for me to understand about myself!). From the beginning of writing his POV I’ve been in Struggleville, but kept pushing through hoping the next chapter would be “the one”. Not to burst my own bubble but there is no such thing in the state of mind I was in! I was pushing myself to find something that doesn’t exist because my brain was really not equipped to do what I needed it to do. I really, really did not want to quit on Harrison’s POV, but I had to, not because I don’t like him (he’s my baby) but because I needed a moment to myself. I felt way too seen in ways I don’t really know how to address in myself, so writing him was horribly frustrating at all times (my fault, not his).

My characters really do live in my head rent-free lol. They live in there! They take up space! They take up energy! They take up concentration, and resources I need for myself! Empathy is so integral to my process, that I give a little part of myself in everything I write. This is a blessing because I really get to dig my heels into the mind of another person, but a curse because I’m not a machine (and sometimes I forget that). It is a lot of emotional energy and labour to give everything you have to fictional people. I don’t think an artist needs to be tortured to create good art (this is not it!) but I never truly practiced this well? In my attempt to be empathetic, I was torturing myself a little bit, not going to lie!

So to combat this, I decided I needed a change. Hence, this chapter is imperfect and probably needs some stuff added to it, and while I’ve only written little of Lonan’s second POV, I’m feeling a lot better! It’s nice to get “outside” in a different place lmao this is so sad (pandemic writing things).

Excerpts:

I wrote the beginning of this in a livestream I hosted on my YouTube channel! There’s also a shoutout here to my dragon tree Lisa <3 miss u boo

Two weeks go by. Lonan sleeps on the couch. Harrison wakes up at dawn—no earlier, no later. Suzanna buys a plant: a Madagascar dragon tree she names Lisa. June grows into the collar. Lonan plays sudoku in the newspaper. Harrison learns to bake focaccia, gluten-free, whole wheat. Suzanna learns to palm read, tells Lonan he’s experienced great betrayal (they stop the reading immediately; Lonan goes back to the newspapers). Harrison begins burning incense at sunrise—frankincense. The dragon tree nearly dies (Lonan saves it). It rains every weekday that contains the letter T. Lonan shifts stacks of soggy newspapers onto the breakfast table, answers crosswords with the help of Suzanna (four across, nine letters, Something held). Harrison burns a baguette. Suzanna buys a hanging basket of pothos. The power goes out for two days and the icebox floods the kitchen tile (Lonan mops it with old newspapers, the ink running like jellyfish). June barks for the first time. Harrison eats a bundle of dried bay leaves. Suzanna waters the plants with rainwater, icewater, wrung into a coffee tin. Harrison leaves the stove on while sautéing shallots (he eats them whole). Lonan wakes up feverish and fills out four newspaper crosswords, then falls asleep on the coffee table. Suzanna moulds panna cotta in coffee mugs and shares the batch with Lonan when they won’t tip out. Lonan teaches her how to propagate the pothos and soon they have twenty empty cans of cuttings poking from the windowsills. They rearrange the furniture, the couch facing the kitchen instead of the TV, the dining table right outside the bathroom, then put it all back the next day. They birdwatch from the tiny window with binoculars and a magnifying glass. They sort coupons. Whittle soaps. Watch Norwegian films without the subtitles. Discuss cliff diving. Make matching anklets (blue beads, elastic string, the plastic clacking how Harrison knows they’re coming). All of this they do as Harrison lies on his bed for two weeks, counting the corners of his ceiling and trying to determine a way to multiply them telepathically.

This is the very next paragraph!

At first he assumes they’re laughing. The sun nearly rising between other high rises, blotting his room with dawn. This is not a surprise. They are probably making pancakes out of buckwheat and discussing the hilarity of whole grains. They are probably laughing at store-bought cherry preserves. Too sour. Their cheeks puckered. But then the laughs get louder, and the sun rises higher and it’s not laughing at all, but gasping.

Here’s Harrison crawling!! is this straight out of the exorcist probably!

Harrison’s instinct is to crawl. As if his smallness against the ground will stop anyone from hearing him, even before he unlocks his door. On hands and knees he shuffles from his bed to his doorframe, edges the door open with his shoulder. On hands and knees he hikes through the hallway, the gasping getting louder, shuffling until he sees them. Lonan sitting on one of the kitchen stools, a grocery bag wound around his throat. Suzanna clacking scissors in two hands so their blades ping in the sun. Her fingers loped around his hair, knuckle-deep, the blades snipping, the gasps growing, them both sobbing, the hair falling, the sun stalking, their bodies rocking. Harrison takes it in from his crawl. Experiences it all on his knees.

So this excerpt seems really you know, normal:

They clean up the hair. Harrison with the dustpan, Lonan with the broom. Harrison still kneels. Lonan still cries. The only thing that has changed since crawling into the kitchen is that Suzanna is taking a walk around the apartment complex. She needs air. Room. If she cries long enough, a cigarette. So Lonan sweeps. Harrison collects. This repeats.

The kitchen smells of nutmeg. Freshly grated from a whole club over espresso, Harrison imagines. He smells this as he tracks Lonan with the dustpan, hovering its open belly for clippings of hair. And Lonan is so compliant, brushes cuttings of himself onto the plastic surface so Harrison can trash it. As Harrison looks on from his knees, Lonan diffuses in sunlight, the window illuminating only his edges. A body so familiar Harrison knows exactly where it flares with light or absorbs it. A body with skin like mulberry silk. A body he could recreate in charcoal with his eyes closed. His archangel translucent and luminescing.

Skip this excerpt if you don’t want to read about Harrison eating hair!! i’m sorry!

Harrison picks a bundle of fallen hair from the dustpan. It’s airy from being recently shampooed, smells faintly of pear, maybe even ginger. This hair, touched by a woman, or a few women, and cut by one, or a few, in different contexts. Eliza’s hands deveining the roots, and then Suzanna’s, trying to fix them. So Harrison eats it. That bundle like a toothpicked cube of cheese. He puts it in his mouth and swallows.

Lonan watches like he’s unconcerned. He watches this feral animal—Harrison must be something feral, starved of something and ravaged by that hunger. Chewing mouthfuls of hair like that will quell of him of what is missing, if there even is anything missing, something unidentifiable in this bland circuit of New York City, this time-loop of sonhood, this fresh start a dousing of flatness. As Harrison eats, he understands he consumes that something like it’s holy communion, reuniting with that something by absorbing it. And still, that hunger moves him, from finishing the dustpan of hair, and closer to Lonan.

“Do you think I’m a bad friend?” Harrison asks, wringing the corner of his lips clean from loose hairs. From this perspective, Harrison on his knees collecting hair, Lonan’s eyes look bluer. Maybe their saturation has nothing to do with the angle, but Harrison feels this is true; his eyes are so crystalline, they are temptingly edible. Like two plump blueberries. Or a matching set of clear glass marbles. Harrison swallows. He repeats, “Do you think I’m a bad friend?”

Lonan swallows, adjusts his grip on the broom. “We’d have to be friends for me to answer that.”

“Aren’t we?”

And here’s the rest of this scene!

“You’re my mother’s friend,” Harrison says. “She trusts you.” He crawls closer to Lonan. “You’ve got secrets. Rituals. Tell me her favourite finger-food and who she wants to marry.”

“I don’t know your mother that well.”

Harrison wraps a handle around Lonan’s ankle. A muscle there jumps like a dolphin breaching the water. He’s memorized this plane of skin, could rebuild it from single grains of sand while blindfolded. He furls his hands across its surface, unfurls.

“You garden with her,” Harrison says. “You share a plate for dessert.”

“She’s kind to me.”

“You cook her breakfast.” Harrison tugs on Lonan’s ankle, knowing it won’t raze him, knowing he’ll come down anyway. “You know the exact temperature she drinks her coffee down to the last digit.”

“I’m trying to be hospitable.”

“You’re trying to be a son.”

Lonan kneels. Crouching so they’re huddled over each other, so it’s nearly impossible to distinguish one body from the other, which one sinks, which one rises.

“My mother’s only got one son to live with,” Harrison says, his voice thin from a clogged throat. He reaches for Lonan’s scalp, scrapes a line down the centre, now an even plane of cropped hair. “And it isn’t me.”

“You’re unstable,” Lonan says, burrowing his face either into a cabinet or Harrison’s shoulder—neither can tell. “You won’t let yourself have friends.”

Farther, toward the tile they go, a pile of hair scattering. “My mother wants me to forgive you by replacing me with you.”

“She’s grieving,” Lonan says.

Harrison loses his hands. He doesn’t know where they disappear to, if he touches skin or tile. “I haven’t died,” he says. Skin or tile. Skin or tile.

Here’s an excerpt from scene C ft. this memoir bit from the time I was shocked that this university I visited had real FANCY teabags:

Lonan brews tea. Earl grey, from a tin. Harrison doesn’t know why he expects it to come from a bag. An individual paper sachet, or if he’s lucky, one of those fancy ones woven from nylon. But it’s from a tin. Two teaspoons into the bottom of a single mug they pass back and forth, wordless at the kitchen table. Strung in the bathroom, Harrison’s t-shirt hang-dries, nearly figure-like, an unfilled phantom. He tugs a throw around his shoulders and stares at his hands. Each crest of cuticle. Each bulb of knuckle. Each maze of fingerprints.

He is material. This is fact. Not just outlines. He’s got skin that goes pinkish when pinched, a pulse that juts from his wrist, two eyes that burn at the scent of lavender, ten fingers. But as he holds his hands up, studying them in the faint moonlight, it is difficult to believe his tangibility. In the city, he has lived as a haze. Fogging over grocery stores, eateries, nondescript. Fresh start has always implied an air of zest, a zing that should have fueled him to plant roots in this restart. But Harrison is rotten, aphid infected, overwatered, underwatered, then not watered at all. He flexes his fingers. He pops the joints. He tries to press his pinkie to the back of his hand. But none of this brings him back to himself. His hands continue feeling like someone else’s. His body invisibly marred in some way he can’t reverse, disconnected in retaliation.

Harrison reflecting on his relationship with his mother:

Suzanna has never left him alone this long, and to her detriment. He imagines her now, living the life she always should’ve lived, the life she lived before he crosscut his way to her most important thing. She’s probably at a salon, having her hair twirled with a round brush, making dinner reservations at some place always too expensive for two (extra points if it has a French name, more if she has to wait a half hour before getting a table). When she talks to her stylist, she doesn’t mention a son, but plans to travel up the west coast, all the way into Canada if she’s feeling adventurous. She’ll buy crime novels she’ll never read at duty-free, reapply a lipstick that cost her a paycheck in the reflection of a hand-dryer. After the salon, she’ll meet a woman at a wine bar, converse about children, and still not mention a son. Suzanna’s singleness will be a celebration.

The boys finally trucing it out <3

When Harrison finally opens his eyes, Lonan is staring at him. His eyes two reels of the Pacific. They cycle in blue. So much of him has changed, and yet he is still the same. Beyond the haircut, Lonan isn’t that much different. He can’t be much different. But as Harrison searches, splaying his palm on the wet table, he knows this is untrue. Lonan is hollower than he was last summer. A little more haunted. They have this in common, then.

“Can we be friends?” Harrison asks. With his pinkie, he finds himself writing against the damp table just as he did Lonan’s scalp not too long ago. Lonan’s gaze follows each loop of each letter, Harrison’s steady left hand.

Lonan is consumed studying what Harrison has written, where each letter connects in near-cursive scrawl. After a moment, he nods, once, twice, and then reverts to staring at the table’s new inscription. On its surface are two words: something held.

The boys in the car like old times <3

Lonan drives. This is strange because Harrison has not seen Lonan drive a car in over a year. Usually, Harrison takes the wheel, but tonight he guides them through the city, in search of Suzanna. His car is clean. This isn’t unexpected. A cherry-coloured hatchback that rattles whenever he makes a left turn. It smells vaguely of cotton air-freshener and the undercurrent of cigarettes.

“You still smoke?” Harrison pokes at the plastic nob for the radio, and it crackles to life. Synth and electric guitar pulse in 4/4 time.

“I bought it used.”

They’ve agreed to get to know one another while they search for Suzanna. Another restart, some attempt at an honest hour. As Lonan changes lanes, Harrison pokes open the car’s glove compartment. A tin of nicotine gum falls on the mat. A hot pink feather pokes from underneath the driver’s manual. Harrison hauls out both, runs the feather along the gum tin, then the back of his hand, and then Lonan’s cheek. When that rouses nothing, he unlocks the tin and removes a slit of gum. Right as he’s about to pop it in his mouth, Lonan says, “I wouldn’t eat that.”

“Why?” Harrison asks. “Did you lace it?”

“Like I said, I bought the car used.”

Harrison puts the gum back, and then the feather. He sticks his hand farther into the glove compartment, feels around until he drags out a map of the state, bilgy and half torn. He unfolds it, careful to avoid the rips, and flattens it against the dashboard. Almost immediately, it wilts against the cold, faded from time in the sun. It’s been marked up. Half with pencil, half with a red ballpoint pen. After a few minutes, Harrison understands the previous owner’s route. Or at least he does at first. Following the red pen arrows, they started at Long Island, then reached Manhattan. Then a much longer arrow takes him from Manhattan to Geneva, and then Buffalo. And then the red pen circles, once, twice, three times, four times, and what is in the centre doesn’t even have a city name. What it does say is HELP, in all-caps, each letter then melting into an illegible scrawl. Harrison sees bits of words: Luke, woe, hands, clay, guard, stray, each wobbly and disappearing into the other, becoming cities of their own, destroying others. He tries to understand the route, but the farther he pours over the map, recircling each line with his finger, the more lost he gets in the ink.

“Is this your map?” Harrison asks. There is no proof that it is. Even the handwriting is all wrong. Ragged. Confused. Desperate. Not like Lonan’s careful, hesitant print.

“Like I said, I bought the car used.”

“But is it your map?” Harrison asks again. Gently, he creases the paper and then slots it back into the glove compartment. Outside, they pass three convenience stores in a row, a flock of couples emerging from a bowling alley, tipsy and cradling leftover deep dish pizzas and mozzarella sticks. They pass two more convenience stores before Lonan finally answers.

“I was confused,” he says.

“This is more than confused,” Harrison says. “It’s disturbed.”

“I’m not disturbed.”

“But something is wrong with you.”

Lonan slows at a crosswalk. A group of teenaged girls whisk by in glitter and lip gloss.

“Yes,” he says.

This is Harrison trying to stop Lonan’s nosebleed after their bizarre swerve which I think is kind of <3 tendy <3

Harrison reaches for him. One hand on the back of his neck, and the other reared toward the red stream. His touch is tactful, so faint his fingerprints wouldn’t even be left behind, but still, the dabbing with his jacket’s hem is enough to redirect the blood’s flow from Lonan’s upper lip to the cuff of leather. The radio is still on, garbled like an unmassing of crepe paper lanterns.

This is the final excerpt for this update that takes us to the very end of the chapter! Harrison has just found Lonan supposedly head-first in the sink and though he asks at first why he is doing that, takes an alternate approach as the chapter closes:

Harrison gets up, his knees popping like gnawed bubble gum. He decides he will handle Lonan at a distance, if he chooses to handle him at all. Like a timid pet owner trying to tame their suddenly-rabid yorkie. Like a friend not trying to tip the full glass. To let its contents film at its surface, but never spill.

Somewhere in the apartment, Suzanna probably listens to them. If Harrison didn’t know her better, he’d imagine her pressed neatly against the door, waiting to hear the shuffle of their bodies or the tang of an argument. Instead, he imagines her at the kitchen table, gripping a glass of water for so long, half of it evaporates.

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Harrison says, stepping back until his spine hits the counter’s lip. He curls his fingers under the granite. Looks toward the window, now a faint periwinkle. Lonan heaves. His fingers caging his face, an animal restrained. They stand there until the sun rises.

So that’s it for this gigantic update! I have like four short stories to update you on so I hope to be back soon!

—Rachel

[lets-get-kraken-boys]

Yandere! Hawks/Keigo Takami X Reader: Caged Songbird~

(Description: Ooo, y’all are in for a treat today~! Hey, my first Gender Neutral AND Yandere fic on this account! And no less, it’s our favorite manwhore, Hawks! I sincerely hope you enjoy reading my story and if you like this fic, don’t worry, I have more yandere fic on the way~! Thank you for your time, consideration, and all the love you royals have shown a simple jester like me!)

~

Fanfiction Lingo

(Y/N) - Your Name

(N/N) - Nickname

~

“Normal speech.”

‘Inner thoughts.’

~

Requester: No One!

Reader Gender: Gender Neutral (They/Them)

Style of Story: Oneshot (Possible Part 2?) // Manipulative, obsessive, and controlling behavior; hints of stalking; kidnapping

Word Count: 1.7K Words

WARNING(s): Yandere themes, so if you aren’t okay with obsessive/possessive/psychotic natures then please don’t read!

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[P.S: I DO NOT SUPPORT YANDERE TENDENCIES IN REAL LIFE!!! Do not confuse me writing this subject as encouraging it, there is a difference from reading/writing yandere stories V.S real life situations. Please, if someone in your life is behaving like the character in this story (i.e. obsessive, possessive, controlling, abusive, psychotic, sociopathic, LIKE A WACKADOO, etc.) get immediate help! That behavior in the real world is not romantic, sweet, or NORMAL! Stay aware and stay safe.]

~

~

“Baby bird, wait up!” the last person you wanted to talk to right now, Hawks, giggled as he drifted down to glide next to your frantic self. Even though you were already speed walking down the sidewalk away from his apartment where the two of you had previously been 20 minutes ago, you tugged your jacket closer to your frame and scurried faster through the drafty night in a desperate attempt to make him leave.

“Go away, Hawks. I’m done talking with you tonight.” you mumbled as he continued to spin around you in an almost teasing way that further pissed you off.

“Ouch, (N/N)~,” Keigo grabbed his chest where his heart is while floating directly in front of you to block your path with his massive scarlet wings, “Not even calling me by my first name anymore? C’mon, what happened to ‘my hero~’ or ‘Mr. Stud~’? Not even ‘bird brain’?” he mocked in fake shock.

You scoffed and stepped past his fiery feathers, marching down your path while shouting back, “You don’t get that lovey-dovey crap from me tonight!”

Though the rest of the world was dark in the wee hours of the night, the flickering street lamps guided you to the train station that would take you back home to your apartment that you thankfully hadn’t moved out of yet, even though Hawks constantly  whined about you ditching the “dingy” place in favor of the two of you living together in his over-the-top penthouse. You had no roommates to notify that you were heading back after a few days with Keigo and you had long ago left your parents’ house to live on your own so you pressed on, blocking out his pouty, annoyed huffs of air in favor of dreaming about your cozy bed waiting to coddle you in its embrace with no fear of sharing the space with anyone.

“(Y/N), slow down for a second! Why are you acting so weird?” you heard Keigo’s voice and jogging footsteps sound from behind you. You recognized the feeling of his hand trying to circle around your wrist but before he got too comfortable, you snatched it away from him and swiveled your body back to meet his teasing hooded eyes.

“I’M acting weird? What about you! You brought this onto yourself, stupid!” you hissed while stepping a foot back.

Though that action didn’t make him falter, instead he stepped with you and stared you dead in the eye, “What did I do, hummingbird?” he asked with another sly cock of his head.

“Really? Me yelling at you in the penthouse wasn’t enough,” you growled, “You were checking through my phone while I was in the shower like a total CREEP, Keigo! What were you thinking, that I was just gonna come out of the shower, see you looking through my private messages with friends and family without you previously asking for permission to do, and I would say “Oh, no worries, love!” Are you nuts or something?!” you hollered at the hero whose smirk made you want to gift him a punch straight in the face for his cocky attitude.

“It’s fine, baby bird, I’m just checking to make sure everything was okay! You’ve been distant with me lately~,” his eyebrows twitched up and he gave a small pout as his wings slightly drooped to the pavement.

“Wait, hold on, we’ve been on a few dates for the past two months, no where near officially dating yet, and you think stuff like that is okay? You trust me so little that you have to go behind my back and search through my private things, to what? Prove a point to yourself or something? How did you even get my password?!” you barked in his stupidly attractive face.

“Love, you’re overreaching,” Hawks strode over to you and quickly locked you in his strong arms, though you tried to squirm away in disgust, “There are things in this world that a civilian like you wouldn’t understand. Heroes have to make so many hard decisions and as your hero, I have to make sure to be just that, save you from everything and everyone, even yourself sometimes.”

He leaned his head on yours and you heard him take a deep breath in only to let it out with an almost loving sigh while he continued, “There are bad people in this world that I encounter every day and I don’t want you accidentally stumbling on them through the internet. You know, it’s really rude of you to have kept Tinder on your phone even though we’re already in a committed relationship. Good thing you have me here to help!” he chuckled, his hold on your body tightening with each passing second.

Thoroughly creeped the hell out and not one to look past such obvious red flags though his looks tried to deceive you, you finally broke free of his tight grasp and shoved him back a few feet with shaky hands. You kept your hands outstretched in front of you, though you trembled in fear, and spoke in a fake strong voice, “That’s it, Hawks, we’re done, even though there’s nothing really to be done with in the first place. No more dates, no more hanging out, just flat out don’t talk to me ever again, okay? You see me on the street, walk the other way. I sincerely wish you the best with your dating life, but here’s a tip for the next person you seek out, don’t go poking your head into their personal life until you two are more than close. Goodbye, Keigo.” you finished, breaking out into a sprint towards the train station, leaving a flabbergasted Hawks in the dust.

Keigo stood where you had just been and simply stared at your retreating form as you sped off into the night. His eyes glazed over in pure jealousy and rage as his wings poofed up behind him to physically show his anguish. He stood under the buzzing streetlamp for a couple minutes more, processing the information, until he let out a small snicker. His snickering turned into giggling, escalating to laughter, and finally into an uncontrollable hollering. He bent over himself in the fit of insanity and after gulping down the lost air in his lungs as he looked back up to the place where you had previously stood with a menacing glint sparking in his honey-colored eyes.

“(Y/N)’s just...confused...yeah. Yeah! My god, how didn’t I see it before?! I’m such a bad boyfriend! But I can fix this,” Hawks shakily straightened back up and pulled his jacket tighter to himself, smoothing down his ruffled hair and wings, “Yeah, I can fix this.” He concluded to the empty air with a satisfied hum.

“Don’t worry, (Y/N), Keigo’s here to save you yet again~,” Hawks’ crazed smile flashed in the night as he flipped down his wind-resistant glasses.

~

~ Timeskip to 10 minutes later and we’re with you! ~

~

You panted for air as your run slowed into a brisk walk yet again. Now about a half a mile away from the complete psycho you had been with, you felt much safer now than any time you’d ever been around him, pro hero or not. You swiveled around on your feet and looked behind you as you walked down the street backwards, taking careful steps and surveying the area to make sure that weirdo hadn’t followed you. No one behind you on the lonely road, no one hiding in the allies or on the rooftops you could see, and no bird brain flying behind you in the air. It was almost eerie how alone you were but you still smiled, finally free.

“Thank goodness, that was getting awkward. I’ve really gotta stop letting guys with pretty faces fool me into a date.” you huffed to yourself as you remained walking backwards. Pulling out your smartphone from your jacket pocket, you swiped through your device and pushed on the phone app to call your mom to let her know that instead of heading back to your apartment you’d like to spend the night with them, no doubt in your mind that if Hawks was determined enough he probably would have scoped out your place already since ‘heroes have connections’ and all.

As you tried to press the ‘call’ button, you heard the sound of something swiftly cutting through the air behind you but before you had time to react your phone was launched out of your loose grip. You watched as the fast moving object shot and stuck into the ground, having entirely pierced through your phone and the solid cement, rendering the device useless. Nothing but fear raced through your veins as you recognized the weapon as one of Hawks’ scarlet feathers you had happily stroked not so long ago.

Before you could book it once more down the empty street, you felt two strong arms wrap around your arms and torso. You yelped as they constricted around you like a snake wrapping around its prey and began wildly thrashing your legs, trying to wiggle your way out of your captor’s hold. You heard the “hero” sweetly coo in your ear, almost like he was trying to calm a restless baby, and you suddenly felt big gusts of wind push around your body and through your desperate squirming you realized that you were no longer on the ground.

“Relax, baby bird,” Keigo sighed in content as he swung your body up and into his arms, pinning your arms to your side and carrying you like a royal being saved by their knight, “We’re just going back home so you can...calm down a little! You’ve been under such stress lately, haven’t you? That’s probably why you lashed out! I’m so sorry for not noticing sooner, love.” Tears of frustration blurred your vision as your legs thrashed as hard as they could, but nothing could loosen the man’s tense grip.

“Let me go, you...you psychopath!” you screamed out, fast wind whipping past your face as Keigo sped back to your prison.

“Awe~, (Y/N), don’t cry,” Hawks nuzzled your head, a purr rumbling in the back of his throat as one of his feathers brushed away the tears dripping past your cheeks, “Your hero will take care of everything now~!”

~

~ The End ~

~