#happy new year daughters of cain!

[myloveonherknees]

@/hisethelcain. “HAPPY F$ING NEW YEAR” twitter, 31 dec 2020.

[provecfy]

Silly Batfam headcanon that David Cain (who introduced his daughter to a lot of his contacts during her upbringing) in his younger days used to be... a lot more involved in politics.

So, one seemingly slow day in a certain american inteligence agency:

CIA agent, entering the room in a panic: Sir, Bruce Wayne has-

Head of the pentagon: The playboy millionaire? Why do I care what he has done?

Agent: Because he has publicly adopted Cassandra Cain, sir!

Pentagon head: Cassandra Cain?

Agent: Yes, sir.

Head: Daughter of internacional assassin David Cain?!

Agent: The one, sir.

Head: THE GUY WE HIRED TO KILL KENNEDY AND COVER IT UP THIRTY YEARS AGO??????

Agent: Exactly.

Head: I thought her daugther had disappeared and was missing or something, how has she been adopted by Bruce Fucking Wayne?!

Agent: We're looking into it. She's using forged legal documents but it's definitely her, should we arrest her?

Head, grabbing the agent by the collar: That's the girl who beat every single UN-wanted assassin on earth before her age hit double digits, you idiot! If you so much as lay a finger on her she will break it and then come after me for seconds, no one touches her!

Agent: Ok, sir, put me down, please. *Head lets go of him* Should we put all of Wayne Mannor under official protection, then?

Head: Yeah, yeah, that sounds about right, wouldn't want something bad to happen to Cain's new father that could send her on a vengeance quest.

Agent: Do you think the Batman knows the Waynes are harboring the singular most dangerous non-meta teenager on Earth?

Head, about to have a heart attack: Oh, God, if the Batman goes after Wayne it could send Cain into a rampage. Establish emergency communications with Batman, appeal to his good nature, offer him whatever he wants, he can't go after Cassandra Wayne!

*One day later, on a rooftop in Gotham*

Batman: Speak, I'm busy.

Agent: Yes, I won't take much of your time. My bosses want to- who's that?

Batman, without turning to look at the figure behind him: That's Batgirl, my partner. But you were talking to me.

Agent: O-of course. Listen, there's a new dangerous criminal here in Gotham you will wanna hear about.

Batman: I thought your bosses didn't like working with me?

Agent: we don't wanna work with you. We want you to leave this criminal alone, as we believe she's looking to turn a new leaf. That, and she might probe a greater threat if provoked. *hands him pictures of Cassandra during the adoption announcement*

Batman, thirty years of poker face training:

Agent: She is Cassandra Wayne, new adopted daughter of Bruce Wayne.

Batgirl, noticing the inmediate shift to proud-happy-proud when the agent refered to her as his daughter:

Batman: I've heard about her, Bruce Wayne seems very fond of her already. Very well, I will leave her alone, she hasn't done anything bad as far as I've found in my investigation anyway.

Agent, sighing in relief, looking down a second to pocket the pictures: That's great to hear, it's a pleasure to- *looks up and both vigilantes have disappeared*

*a few roofs away*

Batman, walking in absolute silence:

Batgirl, pullings his sleeve: Fond of me?

Batman, nodding, red under the cowl: Fond of you.

[procyonloser]

Mini au fic IDK. Pre adamsapple. Divorced Dad Adam. Modern/Human Au

Old man yaoi

Adam picked up Abel, who was still sniffing even as he latched onto Adam's leg. Cain, on the other hand, was glowering up at his brother, still holding onto his backpack and clearly not wanting to go. Admittedly, Adam wasn't happy about being here at fucking 2 in the goddamn morning either.

"Sorry," Charlie said, lisping a bit since she'd gotten braces. She might have tried to look goth, but she was still a theater kid at heart. "In school, everyone was talking about this new movie...I mentioned it to the twins, it sounded like they wanted to see it."

"I did want to see it." Cain complained, siding with his step sister and looking put out.

"Yeah, well, Abel pissed himself in fear, so maybe no fucking slasher movies for kids under 10?" Adam huffed, readjusting Abel on his hip so the kid wasn't strangling him. "Where's your mom?"

"On a date, in the city. They were dressed all fancy and left in a really cool car." Cain said glumly.

"Wouldn't take us with."

Yeah, no shit, Adam thought to himself. He couldn't imagine a worse hell than a romantic date with two 7 year olds tagging along the entire time.

"Why don't you have any cars like that?" Cain asked him.

"Because your mom took all my shit in the divorce, and then married a rich fuck." Adam said in feigned sweetness. Charlie looked upset, eyebrows fitting together, but she was all of 13, and she knew just as well as he did that her mom Lilith was Adam's other ex wife. So, he had reason to be annoyed. "Now get your shit and get in the car, we're going home. It's too late at night for this and your brother is going to need therapy."

"The monster that lived under his bed ate out the man's eyeballs." Abel mumbled into his shoulder. Great, Adam wasn't going to sleep alone for a year.

"You suck, I wish Lucifer was my dad..." Cain stomped down the front steps with as much force as a 7 year old could muster. Adam rolled his eyes, but before he could open his mouth again, a candyapple red car came screaming up the very long driveway.

"Fuck," Adam whispered under his breath. "Here we go again."

Lucifer practically jumped out of the front seat, running up the sidewalk looking concerned, but his tie was noticeably loose, and the buttons on his shirt weren't in the right spot. There was what a bit on lipstick on his neck.

"I got your message, Charlie, is everything alright?" Lucifer asked, looking at his daughter in worry. "No one is hurt, are they?"

"Everything is fine," Adam cut her off, glaring down at the older man. "Abel got scared, I'm taking the boys home."

Lucifer looked between him and the boys, frown curling his expression downwards. "Oh no, that's too bad. I'm so sorry to hear that, I was really looking forward to the weekends they were here..."

Not enough to stop you from going out and plowing Eve on a Friday night, Adam thought in smoldering anger. He'd had to drive all the way across town to drop them off, only to come back in the middle of the fucking night for them.

"Yeah, I had the rest of the weekend planned. Homemade pancakes and waffles with whipped cream and fruit, then I was going to take them to LuLuWorld, and then I was going to let them pick out any toy set they wanted." Lucifer listed off, seemingly legitimately upset by the news. Abel's head picked up off of Adam, and he looked at his step father in sudden fixation.

Eve got out of the car, glare fixed on Adam before rounding it to wrap her arm through Lucifer's. She sure as fuck never wore any dresses like that when he'd been married to her.

"Well, if the boys want to stay with Adam, that's fine. Nothing wrong with that, Charlie likes to stay at her mother's some days too." Eve practically purred, running a finger along Lucifer's jaw. Lucifer looked up at her with adoration that made Adam's stomach turn. How long had it been since he and Lucifer had been friends?

"I think I'm okay now," Abel said, pushing to get down on the ground. Adam let him go, and Abel ran over to his step sister's side, which caused Cain to do the same. "Yeah, I'm totally okay now. Thanks Dad, see you again Monday!"

"Or never, we could just stay here," Cain said under his breath, but Adam heard it anyway.

"Oh good!" Lucifer said, turning to smile at Adam, like he was doing him some kind of favor. "I'm sure you're happy to get your weekends back! I'm sure you're busy."

Eve scoffed, and Adam boiled below the surface.

"Fucking whatever man." Adam turned to walk towards his car, but Eve stopped him with a small smile on her painted lips. Lucifer was already leading the kids back into the house, promising them popcorn and a happier movie to watch.

"Maybe we should rethink custody arrangements?" Eve raised her eyebrow at him, a sly smile darkening her features. "The twins seem much happier here."

Adam fumed, marching up to get in her face, not afraid of how it looked. "Fuck. You. You didn't even want them. I had to fucking beg you to take them on the weekends because they wanted their mom. You're not taking them from me."

Eve didn't seem bothered by his response. "Looks like I already have." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and sauntered back into the house, only sending one last parting message to him. "By the way, Adam? He's bigger."

The door shut behind her, and Adam was left outside, cold, in the dark, and pondering arsony.

"Maybe I'll fucking steal him from you, see how you like it!" Adam shouted at the front door, hands balled up into fists at his sides. "I can't fucking wait until you're miserable and I'm the one sucking his fucking soul out through his co-"

The door creaked back open, and Lucifer looked out of it, brows furrowed. "...Uh...the kids can hear you."

Adam turned bright red from embarrassment. "Fucking good! I'm glad!"

Lucifer stared at him. "... Right, goodnight, Adam."

With that the door shut, and Adam got back into his car, slamming the door closed, and then hitting his head against the steering wheel about fifty times.

First loves sucked. Second loves sucked more. Third loves sucked hardest.

He hoped his ramen in the microwave hadn't gotten mushy.

[bet-on-me-13]

Immortal Danny meets his Families Reincarnations after years

So, Immortal Danny had to suffer through the deaths of his friends and family. For some reason, they never became Ghosts in the Zone, but he has kept looking for them in the Zone for centuries.

Then, one day, Clockwork come to him and explains that his Friends have all been Reincarnated. Due to them having died peaceful deaths, there weren't enough emotions to be turned into Ghosts, instead their souls were Reincarnated due to the amount of Ectoplasm in their bodies.

Danny goes to the Universe where they were Reincarnated, and finds that they all ended up reincarnating in a similar time-frame and location, and all ended up meeting eachother again.

His family and friends Reincarnated as the Bat Family

Bruce is actually the reincarnation of Jack Fenton, and while he is still a much better driver than before, Alfred prefers life thank you very much. He uses his Tech Know-How to build all his Bat-Gear. Hall also freakishly strong, and he isn't a Meta, so he has always been a little confused about that. His lingering guilt at being a bad dad in his past life leads him to be as great a dad as he can in this one.

Maddie Fenton is now Selena Kyle, using her natural athletic expertise and genius level technical know-how to steal artifacts from museums better than her canon counterpart ever could. She has always felt a connection to Batman for some reason, and flirted constantly.

Jazz became Barbra Gordan, and she is just as much a psychologist in this life as the last, but she uses it for Crime solving instead. I'm just going to say that she was officially adopted without Comissioner Gordans knowledge. He is not happy when he finds out that his daughter is legally shared by him and bruce.

Sam became Cassandra Cain, who for some reason has new Plant Powers reminiscent of Poison Ivy. Her soul is still technically that of the "Daughter of Undergrowth", so she gets her plant powers even in death. She now considers Poison Ivy her new sister for some reason. She is also still a Vegan.

Tucker is now Duke Thomas, who is confused as to why he seemingly has Egyptian Magic alongside his own Meta Abilities all of a sudden. He also has a talent for Coding and Hacking that could rival every other member of their family.

Tim used to be Wes, who befriended Danny after a while in his old life. He uses his smarts to figure out Batman is Bruce Wayne, and becomes the second Robin.

Dick was Dash, who mellowed out and became a good friend to Danny a while after the end of the series. In his new life, he is much kinder to everybody around him, as a remnant of his guilt for being so mean in his past life. It's alsowwhy he became a Cop.

Jason is undecided. Maybe he is still a friend to Danny, but he met him when he died and Danny found him while wandering. He considered him a little brother before he was resurrected and lost his memories. Or maybe he was another of Danny's friends, idk.

Alfred used to be Mr Lancer, and he has always had a weird talent for dealing with chaotic and freakishly strong teenagers. He also has a Love for helping children down on their luck.

Steph could have been Star, who rekindled her friendship with Danny after a few years as well. I honestly just like the idea of Danny's bullies becoming his friends after getting their life together.

I don't know about many of the others

This could then go 2 ways

Option 1:

When Danny discovers that his Family has all Reincarnated, he decides to Reincarnate as well to be with them again. With the help of Clockwork, he becomes Damian Al Ghul, born only a little time after his other family and friends.

He makes it so that he will slowly regain his memories and powers over his lifetime until he hits the age of 14, the age he was when he died.

The other Batfamily Members are confused, because Damian all of a sudden called a Family Meeting, and began telling them a story about how they were all the reincarnations of the mortal friends and family of the Ghost King. And that he is the Ghost King as well.

And it makes sense for some reason, they have all had vivid dreams of past lives, or skills and abilities that they don't remember picking up.

They slowly accept his story and the story continues from there.

Option 2:

Danny just goes directly to them after figuring it out, and the Batclan is suddenly visited by the God King of the Afterlife shouting about how he finally found his family.

Danny is just happy to be there, while the others are looking at bruce like "Oh my god, his Adoption Addiction has gotten so strong that the souls of the dead are being adopted by him"

And Danny is meeting his new brother Damian.

Or, Bonus Option

Danny goes to meet with them, then Damian walks in and pulls him aside. Tells him to ask for Clockwork to Reincarnate him, and pushes him through a portal.

A combination where Danny meets them, and then after he meets them goes back in time and Reincarnates himself as Damian.

[angelsanarchy]

What It Cost: Samuel Lafferty x Y/N Mini Series PRT 01

Tagging: @ithinkitstimetonap @kappasbbgirl @chainsawgvtsfvck @luzclarita57 @miniisunshine @madamemaximoff06 @romanroyapoligist @thirtyratsinasuit @ethical-cain-vinnel @blueberrypancakesworld @dumbbitchdelrey @loljustignoreth4t @tvgirlsbluehair @s0ulfulll @dukesofsp00ks @mommymilkers0526 @vomiting-blood @lustkillers @s-0lar @hisemoslut @roryculkinsgf @ultrakissed @tempt-ress

Samuel moved around his parents land with his brothers, doing the last of the chores for the day before they had an early supper. They were supposed to meet some new members of the church today and according to his mother, a few new members were women looking for godly men. Samuel was already happily married to Sarah but that didn't mean he couldn't check out fresh meat that one of his brother's might bring into the family.

Samuel had always been a faithful man but he often let his eyes wander. Most of his confessionals were to repent for his fantasies he had outside of his marriage. He was reassured that his thoughts, while impure, were that of a holy man looking to bring more love and light to the community.

The moment his eyes found Y/n running around with his children, he knew he was in trouble. She was a bit younger than his wife but old enough to have already been married once and birthed a child of her own. Samuel had kept his eyes on her most of the day and listened to her story being told from his mother's mouth. She had married a Mormon man but he had died while on a mission trip leaving behind her and their 8 year old little girl.

It had been over a year since her husband had passed so she appeared to be ready for remarriage and according to his father, she would be a great addition to the Lafferty family based on her involvement in her last church.

No one had ever made such an impression on his parents before and something about the way she kept herself quiet and composed like a lady but still manage to seem like a fun-loving outsider intrigued him. He watched the way her hips moved in her dress, her bare feet running through the grass after the kids, catching them and spinning them around. Her ample breasts bounced in her top but she kept all the buttons securely fastened, not allowing him even the slightest peak.

At one point, she runs directly into him and he catches her from hitting the ground.

"I'm so sorry! I clearly wasn't watching where I was running." She apologized and he smiled.

"My kids are quite atheletic. They can run you all day long if you let them." He joked.

"I've got a pretty high stamina so I think I'll be okay." She laughed. Samuel tried not to think about all the ways he could test her stamina if he just had some alone time with her.

"I'm sure Sarah appreciates the help, as well as the other little ladies." Samuel watched her tuck her hair behind her ear and lick her lips. What he wouldn't give to just get a taste of them.

"She's amazing all on her own. I'm just happy to be around such a big, loving family. I've certainly missed this." She watched the kids playing with a smile.

"Well you're always welcome here. I know if you're looking for a herd of chaotic kids to spend time with, we have that at our place all the time." Samuel offered hoping she would take him up on the offer.

"Sarah actually said she was going to check with you about my daughter and I staying a few days until our house has been cleaned and blessed. I never like to bring my baby into a home that hasn't been properly blessed." Y/n reached out and touched Samuel's arm and it gave him chills.

"Absolutely. We would love to have you both." Samuel got a sudden burst of excitement thinking about her being under the same roof as him.

He went the whole day talking to her and playing with his children as his wife and family welcomed them into the fold. Once they had gotten home, Y/n and Sarah started to put the children to bed. He passed by the laundry room and noticed his wife was bent over the dryer, trying to retrieve something, her skirt had risen up, exposing the red panties she was wearing. He walked up behind her, gripping her hips roughly and rutting his hard cock against her ass.

She yelped and stood up straight revealing it wasn't Sarah at all. Samuel let go of her hips and stepped back.

"Y/n! I'm so sorry! I thought you were Sarah!" Samuel was sure she would slap him or yell but she chuckled, pushing her hair off her face.

"Sarah let me borrow a skirt. I got my dress wet washing the kids up." She was blushing and Samuel nodded.

"Truly, I do apologize for my actions." Samuel was still rock hard and tried to hide it with his hands.

"No need to apologize. Having a healthy sex life with your wife is a beautiful thing. All those children didn't just show up." She teased. She turned back to the dryer and Samuel noticed her skirt was tucked into her panties.

"Um...you're alittle...do you mind?" He held his hands out to her waist and she glanced at her hip. She watched his hands untuck her dress and smooth it out against her panties.

"How mortifying." She covered her face and he laughed.

"Don't be silly. We can both be slightly embarrassed tonight." She looked at his face and noticed how when he smiled with his mouth, his eyes smiled too.

"Trust me Samuel, nothing about that is embarrassing...impressive but not embarrassing." She glanced down at the front of him and he bit his lip realizing she was talking about his cock. He grinned, moving his hands from her hips and pushing some of her hair out of her face.

"Red is a good color on you." He said touching her cheek just where the blush rose.

"It's my favorite color." She replied, Samuel making a mental note.

"I think it's mine now too." He teased.

Samuel had a feeling his dreams were going to be quite interesting tonight with the thought of fucking Y/n on the dryer will she screamed his name.

[rockonfishboy]

All my rambling thoughts while watching TADC episode 3

Watched this episode with a friend when it came out and I have! Feelings!! So here’s my rough approximation of some of my thoughts on it while watching!

Spoilers ahead!

——— • Love the gang hanging out together

• “And Zooble turns straight!” JAX NO

• “What do YOU, the VIEWERS, think it is?” Mm. Don’t like that. • Every time “Today’s Adventure” plays I just grin like an idiot, I’m SO happy it’s in every episode

• Caine being desperate to create an adventure that Zooble will go on is a really interesting concept

• I miss Gummigoo ;^;

• OHH THE LIGHTING IN THIS EPISODE. THE VIBES!! THE HAUNTED MANSION!!! IMMACULATE. I cannot possibly gush about it enough.

• “I’m not really a fan of horror, and I don’t really handle jumpscares that well.” She’s just like me

• Ohhh the ghost is so cute 🥺 what a little guy-oh, whelp, goodbye

• RAGATHA’S HORRIFIED FACE IS SENDING ME

• Oh that’s nightmare fuel :D

• “You know, I’m starting to think…” oh. oh that’s-that’s the end of the sentence.

• “Well, this is some rather inconvenient lore placement” I love Kinger

• THE 2D EYES

• Them being fixated on the fly is so funny to me for no reason

• NEW SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON JUST DROPPED

• “You look beautiful, honey”

• “UUUUUP!!” AHDAJGDA

• Zooble therapy time!

• Oh no,, sad therapy time

• Aw Zooble :( dang

• Caine is 100% listening to Zooble when they tell him to ‘just forget it’ and I don’t think they realize that. Poor Zooble

• OH GOD OH NO CAINE. He’s just as trapped as the rest of them

• “I ended up shooting the love of my life” Kinger’s face here worries me

• “Okay I won’t” the humour in this show is so good man

• HE DID NOT MISS

• Kinger protecting Pomni, I love them actually

• “w h a t” *WHEEEEEZE*

• THE GIRLS HAVING A TEA PARTY IS SO GOOD. I love Martha, she seems so chill

• Jax being tied up made me laugh really hard. Yes, good, keep it that way. He deserves it.

• Tbh Caine putting in a pacifist route is more than I expected him to do

• “How’s your wife, Kinger?” THE AGONIZED SCREECH I LET OUT, OUUUGHHH MY HEART-RUDE AND UNCALLED FOR, ACTUALLY

• “Seven years of computer science for this, huh?” OH????

• “He just wants me to suffer.” Hm,, I don’t think she’s talking about Caine there

• “How about we just relax for a bit while nothing’s chasing us?” Awww

• Pomni crying,, ouch :(

• OH BACKSTORY?? NO TEASE?? JUST RIGHT INTO THE PAIN????

• “She was funny, creative, really into entomology. I used to hate bugs, but she somehow got me to like them.” Cute established/married couples where one just gushes about the other usually makes me weak but this time it HURTS

• Oh god I love them so much and she’s not even HERE

• Their whole talk is sooooo good and heartbreaking. I love their father-daughter / grandfather-grandchild dynamic, it’s so well done.

• “I’m glad you’re here with me.” SOB

• “As long as you remember it, things will be okay.” PLEASE I CAN’T DO THIS

• Glowstick

• Pomni thanking Ragatha for always looking out for her and Ragatha looking so taken aback and grateful AUGGGHHH. YES. Ragatha deserves SO much love.

• “Did you remember to get my comedy mask?” “…F*$&!” AHDJAHDA

• “It wasn't that bad, actually.” AWWWW

My expectations for this episode were high but DANG. The team absolutely knocked this one out of the park. Definitely my favourite episode so far.

Kinger’s one of if not my favourite character and I’m SO happy he got so much focus. His and Pomni’s relationship and him comforting her is devastating and beautiful and I can’t even say anything about it without just devolving into

Anyways, I can’t wait to fanart about this episode like a normal, functioning person!

[iamsuggestingthatcoconutsmigrate]

Wayne Family Portrait

Bruce Wayne

Febuary 19, 1981 was the best day of Thomas and Martha’s lives, quickly replacing the day they had been married. At 5:30pm, just as the sun was setting, their son Bruce was born. Bruce was a happy child, sent to a prekindergarten that focused more on social-emotional development than crystal intelligence. He learned how to socialize, how to talk to people, how to be a Wayne. His parents cared for him deeply; he grew up loved, confident in himself, and absorbed everything anyone would teach him. It was a shame he broke when they died. Batman was born in 1991.

Dick Grayson

Richard Grayson was born on March 20, 1998. Growing up in the circus, he was flexible, strong, smart, and blended well with people. Truly everything you could want in a child. When his parents died, he was devastated, but he wasn’t alone. Taken from everything he once knew, and thrown into a new world, a world where he could hide from the pain, he decided instead that he would always be his mom’s little Robin. In 2008, two years after he was adopted, he took to a new stage. Now all seven of his little siblings have shared his act.

Barbra Gordon

September 23, 1998 was the end of the beginning for Barbra, but the beginning of the end for her parents. When her mother left Gotham her father got default custody, but Barbra never knew that. Growing up the daughter of the police chief in one of the most dangerous and corrupt towns in the country meant that Barbra learned certain skills and habits fast. In second grade, she was the first to befriend the new boy in class. He turned out to be a good friend to make, teaching her several circus tricks. Now she’s teaching him some things too.

Jason Todd

August 16, 2004 was a rainy day in gutters of Gotham. Jason Todd has never been a part of a family he likes, and he’ll tell you that himself. His mom left, his step-mom overdosed, and his father was killed working as a hired thug. Left to fend for himself, he stole from the wrong guy and ended up in yet another family. Jason is pretty sure Bruce carries adoption papers in his utility belt. Today he argues with his family as much as he fights villains, but what can he do. He may not like them, but they’re his.

Duke Thomas

Duke is seventeen and rather new to this crime-fighting thing. He’s also new to this ‘having money’ thing. He buys food for his classmates because he can, and no one at home asks him why is lunch account always needs attention. When things happen at school, he’s no longer a suspect, even if he did it. He misses his old life, but he feels like it’d be ungrateful to mention. He hasn’t figured out yet that everyone in this house would rather be somewhere -someone- else. Still, he’s learning a lot and the future is the brightest it’s ever been.

Cassandra Cain

January 26, 2008 phase one of creating a new weapon was completed. That is all. Cassandra was never given a voice or a choice. She was trained, then released on the world. A world she wasn’t ready for, and when the game ended, she couldn’t play another round. Cassandra learned to love Stitch, they had very similar families, and like the little alien, hers was broken, but she found it all by herself. As silent as a shadow, she stalks the night. An Orphan who knows both of her parents are still alive, who she isn’t strong enough to kill.

Tim Drake

Tim doesn’t have blood running through his veins anymore, he replaced it with coffee years ago. He doesn’t sleep because in his dreams he has to face the truth, no one wants him. He was in another country, in boarding school when his mother went into witness protection following his fathers death. Did she remember that she had a son? No one else did. The bats did not want him either, he knew that. He idolized Dick, who tolerated him. Jason hated him, Damian might kill him, Bruce needed him too much to care about him. The girls were, well…

Stephanie Brown

Stephanie didn’t need the bats, strictly speaking, but working with them was easy, was fun, was- well it reminded her that there was more to her than her father. She felt awkward, having gotten into the gang by dating Tim, then quickly trading him for Cass. But, such was life when you’re in high school she supposed. She thought it was funny though, all the boys were the same, you couldn’t tell them that, but they were, all sadness behind their bright smiles. But she and Cass and Babs, they complimented each other; friendly, silent, and omnipotent. They owned Gotham.

Damian Wayne

He knew that he wasn’t better than them, but he also knew he had to be the best. Damien had never been allowed to be anything less than the best. And with seven older siblings, siblings that had been chosen at that, this was certainly not an exception. He would not disappoint his father, he would fight crime, he would be an angel in public, he would get A’s, he would get sleep. He would monitor his siblings strengths and learn, their weaknesses and adjust. The greatest of them all. Maybe one day, he could even be a real boy.

Smile

The lines on Bruce’s face are beginning to show the strain he’s been under, how many times his nose has been broken, how many injuries will never heal. Damian’s smile is bright and staged, exactly as you would expect from a boy his age. Dick has a more natural smile, you could almost pretend it meets his eyes. Steph and Cass are definitely looking at the camera, not each other. Barbra has a more professional look to her. Duke looks as lost as the others feel. Tim and Jason try not to kill each other before the flash goes off.

[cutebat]

Batgirl Reader (Updated Info)

Happy New Years everyone!!

I thought that maybe since it was the new years, I decided to give Batgirl Reader a new look and a bit of new lore... 👀

Please do NOT steal my art!!

Real Name: Y/N L/N

Main Alias: Batgirl

Other Aliases:

Witch's Child

검은 눈의 괴물 (Black Eyed Monster)

Umibōzu's daughter

Batsie Baby

Relatives:

Deceased Father

Deceased Mother

Deceased Unborn Brother

Lady Shiva (Caretaker)

Miss Wells (Second Caretaker)

Bruce Wayne (Adoptive Father)

Selina Kyle (Self Proclaimed Mommy)

Kate Kane (Adopted Aunt)

Dick Grayson (Adoptive Older Brother)

Jason Todd (Adoptive Older Brother)

Tim Drake (Adoptive Older Brother)

Damian Wayne (Adoptive Older Brother)

Duke Thomas (Adoptive Older Brother)

Cassandra Cain (Adoptive Older Sister)

“Close Allies”:

Batsie (Best Friend)

Matcha (Childhood Friend)

Deathstroke (Trainer)

Talia Al Gaul

Ace the Bat Hound (Pet)

Azrael (Trainer)

Alfred Pennyworth

Barbara Gordon

Jim Gordon

Stephanie Brown

Helena Bertinelli

Luke Fox

Lucius Fox

Harper Row

Harley Quinn (Sometimes)

Affiliation:

Batman Family

Batgirls

Outsiders

Gotham Knights

League of Assassins (Formerly)

Suicide Squad (Frequently)

Base Of Operations: Gotham City

Alignment: Good

Identity: Secret Identity

Citizenship: Any Asian nationality (Yes, batgirl is going to be Asian cause I'm Asian)

Marital Status: Single

Occupation(s):

Vigilante

Elementary Student

Gender: Female

Height: Around 124 cm (4 ft)

Weight: Same weight as an average child

Eyes: Black

Hair: Black

Abilities:

Dancing: Y/N learned how to dance from her childhood friend, Matcha. She would watch her movements of classical ballet and follow them.

Hacking: Just like Oracle, Batgirl has great skills with computers. She learned how to hack things when she was gifted her first computer for her third birthday. She could go through any high officials' data files.

Marital Arts: Y/N does have great marital arts despite her being so young, but she's still learning.

Mithridatism: Batgirl can take any sort of poison whether it's deadly or not. She trained to take one spoonful of poison as her training during her training years.

Stealth: She can pull off any disappearing acts on any other people. Enemies and civilians.

Gadgets:

Ribbon Wand: Because she does dancing, it won't complete it without a ribbon wand. Y/N received it from Batman when she told him about her experience with dancing and how she wanted her own ribbon wand one day. The ribbon is strong enough to break a person's neck.

Batarang: These devices are Bat-shaped, throwing weapons usually used to disorientate enemies, and are a ranged substitute for often carrying multiple Batarangs on her person while on patrol.

Grapple Gun: Batgirl frequently uses a grappling gun not unlike that used by Batman. This device fires a strong cable that latches onto a surface and winches Y/N up. She commonly uses this device while patrolling urban rooftops.

Bo Staff: Y/N uses these as a substitute weapon whenever she "forgot" to bring the equipment that Batman provided for her. The bo staff she has was a gift from Deathstroke.

Pocket Knife: Only used it for training, but she is scared to use it on anyone because it could "really hurt them".

Likes:

Batsie (Her bat plush)

The gifts she receives from Matcha

Dress Ups

Shopping

Money

Family Trips

Slumber Parties

Tea Parties

Alfred’s Sweets

Romance Stories

Reading and writing in her secret diary

Dislikes:

Uncomfortable clothing

Chores

Studying

Nightmares

Stress

Thunderstorms

Bruce’s lectures

Lady Shiva and Deathstroke's training methods

Backstory:

There were two different people from different leagues who were rivals since the first ever year. The couple were in love and conceived a child, which was a baby girl who they named Y/N. However, the two leagues found about their secret affair that made the mother's father kill her husband. After she found out about the murder, the mother decided to go after her father and kill him the exact same way, but more painful and slower. This caused the mother to be sentenced to death while she was pregnant with Y/N's little brother, which made her give away her infant daughter to her trusted friend, Lady Shiva. Before her mother was executed, she gave Y/N a handmade stuffed animal that is a purple bat. She named her new best friend, Batsie.

As Y/N was sent to live under Lady Shiva's roof, she was forced to train, study, and do many chores while she was still three years old along with Deathstroke. However, she had an actual human friend named Matcha who helped her show off what the woman who was taking care of her about her true colors by making the young girl into a perfect weapon and helped her escape right after that.

When Y/N was four, she arrived at Gotham City and was wandering around before she arrived at an orphanage building where she was greeted by a woman who was called Miss Wells. Ever since then, she learned how the world was like and lived there before a man named Bruce Wayne came in and brought her to his home, which will be her new life.

[fandomworld9728]

The King & Queen of Hell Chapter 1:

Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates, known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshiped good and shielded all from evil. Lucifer was one of these angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation, but he was seen as a troublemaker by the Elders of Heaven, for they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world. So, he watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways.

From the dust of Earth, they created Adam and Lilith. Equals of the first of mankind, but despite this, Lilith demanded control and Adam refused to submit to her wills. Lilith fled the garden, determined to make her own way without him.

Drawn in by Adam's love of the garden and his never-ending curiosity, Lucifer found him and the two fell in love. The Elders disliked this new development and made Adam a new bride, Eve. What they didn't expect, however, was for her to bond with Lucifer over their shared love of the first man. Soon, the couple was blessed with two children. Cain and Abel.

The boys thrived in the garden with the guidance of their fathers and Eve. The little family spending many happy days together. Soon, a daughter was born, taking on a more angelic appearance then that of her brothers. Watching the family from beyond the garden, Lilith grew envious and resentful. That could have been her. Should have been her. And so, she sent off to shatter that happiness.

She grew close to Lucifer and over time had convince him to give into his desire and share the magic of Free Will with humanity. Tricking him into giving Eve the Fruit of Knowledge, who gladly accepted. Lucifer's gift to the woman he grew to love and care for came with a curse. With this simple act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin was created, and the order Heaven had worked to maintain was shattered.

As punishment for his reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer into the dark pit he created, never allowing him to see the good that came from humanity. Only the cruel and the wicked. He wasn't alone though, for Adam had fell with him, not wanting to ever be separated from his love. But not before Heaven stole away their baby girl and left their sons alone on Earth.

They were fortunate to still have those who cared for them enough to look after their children. Eve took care of the two boys as if they were her own sons and Lucifer's brothers and sisters raised their daughter away from the eyes of the Elders. Never once allowing anyone to disrespect their parents and taint their view of them.

Ashamed of what he had done, Lucifer lost his will to dream. But Adam thrived, empowering not only demon kind, but his partner too. Slowly, he pulled Lucifer from his depression, and they made Hell into something livable. Something all their own. As the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision.

That every year, they would send down an army. An extermination to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. This action, however, had a grave consequence. Adam and Lucifer would not stand by and watch their people being slaughtered. They fought back as best they could to defend them and were eventually joined by their sons who eagerly joined in the fight against the angels.

Adam and Lucifer's hope remained; their dream was passed down to their youngest daughter, the princess of Hell.

Closing the book, Charlie held the key to it close. This story was always her motivator in times of doubt. She could do this! She'd make her parents proud! "Don't worry you two... I'll make you proud."

"Charlie."

Jumping, she turned to see her girlfriend standing at the door with an amused smile. "Oh, fuck! Uh... how much of that did you hear?"

"Just the end of it. You know, you don't have to push yourself so hard for the King and Queen."

"I know. But this isn't just for them. It's for me. For you. For all of Hell! I can't just sit by anymore while they're out fighting for us." It's one of the things Charlie hated about being the youngest in her family. Everyone was always shielding her from what they considered dangerous. 

Though, while she wasn't old enough to join the fight (nor did she have the stomach to kill someone) she was grateful that they taught her what to do when the time would come for her to defend herself and the things and people she cared about.

"I know just-" Sighing, Vaggie couldn't bear to see the woman she loved push herself so hard. "Don't work yourself ragged, okay?"

"No promises~ You know what I'm like when I'm in the zone." Standing, Charlie fixed her hair in the mirror. Maybe she should wear it down like how she reminded her parents telling her Eve used to. Though, it would probably get in the way while she was working. Oh! Maybe she should cut it! Get it short like how most of her family wore their hair.

The splashes of brown in her mostly blonde hair caused her to pause. Charlie looked almost like an exact copy of her parent. The only thing that showed her resemblance to her father were those few dark strands. She wished she had more of his features. Like his eye color. Or a darker complexion to her skin. Or-

"Charlie. Sweetie. We've talked about this. You look fine the way you are."

"Yes, yes, I know Vaggie. I just... can't help it sometimes." Trying to distract herself from those thoughts, she grabbed her appointment book and headed downstairs arm and arm with her partner. "I have a busy day today. Will you be okay to keep an eye on the hotel for me?"

"Of course, babe. You know I got your back. Are you sure you don't want me to come with? Alastor can protect the place just fine."

"I don't want you mixed up in all of this." Not yet anyways. Vaggie still didn't know that she was heir to the throne of Hell. No one seemed to. Which is odd seeing as she looks just like the queen. She'd tell her eventually. Soon! But until then, she wanted to keep Vaggie out of their messy affairs. "I just have a meeting with Cain and Abel this morning. Then after lunch I'll head to the Embassy to meet with Lilith."

"Wait. The King and Queen are sending you to meet with the leader of the Exterminations?"

"Everyone else is busy. Plus, it's a great way for me to pitch the hotel to Heaven."

"I'd feel better if you had someone going with you... Lilith is a real bitch. Or so I've heard."

She was right. Charlie had met Lilith once before this. Her being a real bitch was an understatement. "Okay, then I can see if one of the twins would be willing to come with me. But, again, everyone is busy. So, I doubt they'd be able to."

"Let me-"

"Vaggie. Please. I'll be okay."

"Perhaps I should accompany our dear Charolette."

Alastor. The fallen angel didn't like the guy on a good day. However, anyone would be better than Charlie going alone. "What do you think?"

"I... guess it couldn't hurt? I mean, Alastor is an Overlord."

"Delightful!"

Next >

[deepdisireslonging]

Some Old Favorites

I was reminiscing, looking back through my masterlists, and I wanted to reshare some smutty fics. They didn’t get a lot of love back in the day because I didn’t have many readers yet. Some of you have found them and loved to read them as much as I loved to write them. But I wanted to share them with some of my new friends/followers too. Happy Reading!

DC Comics:

Two Hoods, One Revenge: The reader has nightmares of the day that turned her into a vigilante. Jason helps her keep them at bay; first with soothing words, then with something more hot and heavy.

Hickey Victory: Dick gets his hands on a marshmallow gun… but he forgets about your nerf gun stash. Shenanigans occur.

A Night at the Theater: A mission demands the public appearance of Bruce Wayne and yourself at a theater. The mission is quickly put to rest, which leaves you plenty of time to appreciate your husband during intermission.

A Nightly Affair: Nightwing keeps mistaking your apartment for his and you two grow very close. Very. Close. So close as to put you in danger, unless Nightwing can find you first. [Series Masterlist]

Marvel:

In the Eye of the Beholder: Part 1 | Part 2 : The reader gives an unexpected lap dance. Bucky approves.

All in a Night’s Work: The reader come face to face with the sniper that has been evading them for years. When things don’t go according to plan, Loki distracts them till they can get some much-needed rest.

Dirty Lips: When Y/N introduces a swear jar to the team, Steve takes it upon himself to fill it all by himself.

To Love the Sea: Y/N is the daughter of a sea-side innkeeper. The area is known for its draw for pirates, but one pirate is feared above all others: Captain Loki. He offers to take her on adventures; is she willing to take the plunge? [Series Masterlist]

Supernatural:

The Pointy End: You are research headquarters at the bunker while Dean, Sam, and occasionally Cas, are on cases. Dean comes home to you after a very long case, with a surprise. (My very first fic!)

Deep in the Archives: Sam takes the reader to a rare books library while they look for a spell book not at the bunker. The reader is focused on the task, but Sam’s roaming hands are a distraction.

Satisfied: An imagine of Castiel using his grace on you.

SPN History Challenge: A Werewolf in Whitechapel:  The Winchesters and the reader go to London during the Whitechapel murders, also known as the Jack the Ripper murders, with the theory that the perpetrator is not human. They are correct, but when the killings don’t stop, the team has to retrace their steps and riddle out what stone they left unturned. Written for @kittenofdoomage and @saxxxology-main  SPN History Challenge.

Boxer!Dean AU: Consequences: Y/N gets dragged to a boxing match by her friends where she meets Dean  “Raisin’ Cain” Winchester, a boxer who is forced to win or lose depending on how much money his bosses want to make in matches. Can their combined effort break the fixed boxing ring?  [Series Masterlist] (No smut, but still a favorite)

Wrestling Fics:

Chiffon in the Streets, Lace in the Sheets: The reader and Elias are newly married and ready to enjoy their first night as man and wife, but a few things get in the way first. (WWE)

Dangerous: After defending herself at a bar, Y/N impresses the dark figure sitting in the corner booth. Prince Devitt further impresses her. One thing leads to another, and she welcomes knowing him better. (NJPW)

A Reflection of Us: The reader gets a slight injury in a match. Roman takes his time making sure the reader is safe but very satisfied. (WWE)

Troublemaker: The reader ran off with something belonging to Kenny Omega. He makes sure she pays for it. (NJPW/AEW)

Doubt Comes In: While Rosemary battles Su Yung in the Underworld, Y/N meets and welcomes a new face to TNA. But two battles are raging instead of one. If Y/N is victorious, can she settle the insecurities in Rosemary’s mind? (Answered request) (TNA)

Sister in Arms: Finn can’t seem to shake the effects of his feud with Bray Wyatt, so an old friend comes to help. Then Y/N finds herself battling on two fronts: in the ring and in her mind.  [Series Masterlist] (WWE)

[skeletonmoths]

Ethel Cain fans

Incoming rant

I don’t typically post anything on my blog that I’ve created or written but I feel the need to comment on something this fandom needs to understand. Hayden does not owe us anything as fans, she has told us time and time again that we have been making her feel uncomfortable, not all of us but you know who you are. Ethel Cain is a character and stage name, and I know Hayden does not mind being called Ethel by fans but that’s not just what I’m taking about, there’s also “Ethel Cain Core” Hayden has explained quite a few times not that this makes her uncomfortable, Ethel Cain and “Preachers Daughter Aesthetic” is weird at best, the aesthetic she uses in her music is Southern Gothic, and Hayden has even had to explain how this aesthetic can be problematic and needs to be used with caution and care, But on top of that I’ve seen people romanticizing the dark topics in her music the same way we did with Lana Del Ray and Nicole Dollaganger , and I can understand to a certain extent why, but again these topics need to discussed with caution and care and not romanized, same with the romanization of poverty and old farm houses I’ve been seeing, and I completely understand that these buildings and images can bring a sense of comfort and nostalgia, but I have seen people who have grown up in comfortable situations typically people who grew up “upper middle class” romanticizing poverty and dirty homes , old farm houses, which I find very strange. Let’s not even get in to the romanticization of the songs “Gibson girl” and “Unpunishable” and the “female rage” title that “Ptolemaea” got Now onto the subject of how fans are treating Hayden. Stop demanding she release new music Hayden recently confirmed she has had to scrap the B-sides and start over, Hayden is a perfectionist with her music and lyrics so CONSTANTLY demanding more from Hayden is going to make the process last longer and don’t forget people were demanding Hayden to work on the B-sides while she was ON TOUR. Hayden has been consistently releasing new ambient music on SoundCloud. And has featured in TWO new songs THIS YEAR yet fans are still demanding more. And the memes and constant “mother” calling and the jokes and out of pocket comments said directly to Hayden is becoming too much. And has said to us multiple times it makes her very uncomfortable. Hayden is not our best friend we do not know her personally and we need to start acting like it. Treat her like a person and a friend when it’s appropriate. Don’t forget about all the transphobic comments and doxing Hayden has been receiving, being deadnamed on tumblr, Hayden has talked about her hate for online culture, and I’ll miss her online presence like the rest of us, but it was only a matter of time for her to delete her tumblr as well. She has given us many warnings to smarten up but we haven’t so she has shown us the consequences. I love Hayden and I love Ethel Cain. But I’m happy she is stepping back and taking the peace for herself instead of snapping at us fans for pushing her to the limit. Thank you for taking your time to read my ranting. And Hayden if you ever come across this post on way or another and take time out of your day to read this, Thank you for everything, Thank you for sharing your art for us fans to enjoy, I hope being away from us fans for awhile brings you a sense of peace and control we keep interrupting

[neo-shitty]

before the new year begins — tag game

happy new year, everyone! i've been doing a lot of journaling lately and i came across the written version of this tag from @madamescarlette on the dash and thought i'd give it a try just because i've been practicing more reflection these past few days.

tagging: @petrichor-han, @mosviqu, @straykats, and anyone who'd like to look back on 2024 🤍

share your favorite memory of this year.

off the top of my head, my favorite thing to recall was when i confronted this girl who spearheaded making rumors and talking shit about me and my friend group (mind you, we're college seniors). singlehandedly, one of my most empowering moments. other pleasant memories include campfires and hangouts by the sea across various friend groups, leaping together in joy when we passed our integrated subjects, trying our best not to laugh too loud in the office, and of course, graduating.

2. what was the highlight of your year?

finally getting my degree in accountancy. tough course :') would not recommend :') walked out with two mental illnesses, banger degree ender!

3. list the top five books you read this year.

sit down, this will be a long one. right off the bat, read last january, there is no antimemetics division by sam hughes (qntm), which put me in a crazy mental loop that just made me more immersed into the story than i already was. pet sematary by stephen king, my first step into horror and definitely not my last. there's genuinely nothing i like more than cosmic/domestic horror. this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone, which has everything i truly want in a book—good writing, gays, pining, and time travel. hollow city and library of souls by ransom riggs, which are the 2nd and 3rd books of the miss peregrine's home for peculiar children series. truly, the only books that mattered. the whole thing could've been a banger trilogy bc of them idc idc. i wish i read more than i did this year, but i did my best given how busy i was.

4. list the top five movies you watched this year.

i watched chicago because of the trendy 'we both reached for the gun audio' but i ended up enjoying it far more than i anticipated. a uniquely formatted film musical, banger plot (with social commentary undertones) and banger songs. then i headed into wicked blindly and cried my eyes out with a friend at the cinema. beautiful story between two friends, banger cast and banger songs as well, and just the visuals of the movie were just stunning! all quiet on the western front, a devastating depiction of just how brutal war is. almost a 5/5, if it weren't for the shock factor ending. barbie because it wasn't what i expected a barbie live adaptation to be. it got across what a barbie cartoon movie would normally get across to kids to us adults in the real world. banger monologue, cried my eyes out in my room. cruella, though i watched it too early in the year to recall its impact fully. she was fabulous! i support women's rights and women's wrongs!

5. list the top five tv series you binged this year.

none. sorry, my attention span was just nowhere this year.

6. what is the one new thing you discovered this year (could be a place/hobby/song etc)?

hmm, i discovered that, though it shouldn't come as a surprise, i actually do like journaling and it really does help me in ways i thought it didn't before. i was always so pressured by the aesthetic standards around journaling that it just deterred me from utilizing it for what it was originally meant to be. now i just throw up words onto paper and pray for relief afterwards (which normally happens now!)

7. top three albums that you played this year?

preacher's daughter by ethel cain, the tortured poets department: anthology by taylor swift, and golden age by ethel cain. ethel taking 2 of the 3 spots in justified. i never did shut up about her and i just put her albums on loop in the background for hours while i was playing.

8. your spotify wrapped #1 song

it says good luck babe by chappell roan but i beg to differ. it doesn't say so on other sites like receiptify/volt.fm nor do i feel like i played it enough for it to land first this year. good song tho!

9. your spotify wrapped top artist

i think it was taylor swift? on another site, i have ethel cain which is honestly more accurate.

10. your personal song of the year.

a house in nebraska by ethel cain *sad pole dancing*

11. what is an achievement that you are proud of this year?

again, graduating. it's such a huge milestone in my life that i just can't undermine it. it means so much to me and reaching it lifted a lot of weight off my chest.

12. what are your goals for the next year?

to focus on the other aspects in my life that i neglected in the past few years such as family relationships, mental and physical health, self-improvement outside of academics, etc.

13. any three book releases you are excited for next year.

i'm not really one to look forward to releases but maybe the new hunger games book if its coming out this year. haymitch's story?

14. any three upcoming movies/tv series that you are excited for next year.

again, not one to look forward to movies. i literally had to look these up just to recall but: wicked 2, of course, and the minecraft movie for the hell of it. that's about it.

15. if you could change one thing about the past year what would it be?

i wish i took on more opportunities instead of letting them pass me by.

16. did you manage to stick to your new year's resolutions this year?

my life was too much of a whirlwind for me to even have a new year's resolution at the time. i was anxious and probably depressed and i just kept telling myself, "just one more year and it'll all be over".

17. do you have any new year's resolutions for the next year?

my new year's resolution is to just practice putting myself first and alleviating the pressure i've been unknowingly putting on myself since day one very many years ago.

18. favorite meme of the year?

i think i was too out of orbit to pick out a favorite one. i still keep on recycling all the ones i had since high school lol

19. which month was the most fun this year?

was there such a thing? my whole year was characterized by breakdowns and picking academics over the fun things in life. might've been december. i've been unwinding the whole month.

20. what color do you associate the previous year with?

maroon and/or blood red because that was a brutal year.

21. if you could tell yourself something at the beginning of this year based on what you know right now, what would it be?

apply for it. she'll understand when the time comes and she wouldn't live with the same regrets that i do.

22. favorite viral trend of the year?

i honestly have no idea. maybe the korean cheerleaders???

23. list any three new things you learned this year (could be recipes, a new skill, etc.)

memory keeping in the form of scrapbooking, relearning how to cook based on the recipes my parents have, a lot of workplace-related skills lmfao.

24. how would you describe your year in a word?

rollercoaster, every up just had to come with a down and sometimes it made me wish it just flung me off the track.

25. what color do you want to associate the upcoming year with? why?

a dull grey because this might be the year i become a corporate slave in a physically lively but emotionally dead city. tragic.

[kayleezra]

Thoroughfare// Joel Miller x GN!Reader

Word Count: 7891

Warnings: Spoilers for the beginning of the game/ episode 1 of the series (character death), swearing and lots of it

Summary: Fic based on the song Thoroughfare by Ethel Cain (please listen to it). First-person POV. Reader and Joel have known each other since childhood but are separate post-outbreak. What happens when they’re reunited and old feelings resurface with the prospect of exploring the West. 

A/N: so I edited this like once but in the spirit of the new episode dropping early today I wanted to post this! Let me know of any errors and/or tags/warnings please and thank you!!!! 

Being alone after the fall of civilization wasn’t the plan, but given the selfishness and brutality of the new world, it was necessary. It was a dog-eat-dog world, even a human-eat-human world. Most survivors I encountered wanted to take everything I had, even if all I had was the skin on my back. Even long-standing groups imploded on themselves at one point or another. It was lonely but safer, no one to turn on you, trade you, or use you. I hadn’t started alone, on the day of the outbreak I was at Joel’s, it was his birthday and even though he worked I ensured there was a hot meal and cake for him no matter how late he got home. Everything went wrong so fast, we lost Sarah and everyone was fending for themselves, not that I blame them. For a while, it was just Joel, Tommy and me, until things got messy. We were ambushed by a group and separated, I haven’t seen either of them since, survival got in the way of finding them. 

I hate not knowing how they’re doing, I grew up with the brothers, I’ve known them for as long as I can remember. Joel and Tommy were hard workers, they were always trying to support themselves and each other. When Joel told me he was going to be a dad I was shocked, he and Amelia had been dating for a couple of years but we were in high school, and I knew it was going to be hard on the both of them. But I was also excited, I’ve always wanted to be an aunt! So I put together a baby shower for Amelia, collected clothing for their soon-to-be daughter and even managed to get them a crib. I was happy for Joel, he always talked about having a family, and wanting that mushy romantic domestic life. I did always harbour a crush on him and wish I could fulfill that for him but was happy nonetheless, he deserved it. They got married after high school at 22, but it was first and young love, it was never meant to last. By 28 he and Amelia had divorced, it was as amicable as possible. They harboured no hard feelings, they both grew and matured and understood it was for the best. 

Now, I’m somewhere out east alone. I find some rocks and trees that can provide my resting body coverage and make myself comfortable for the night. I’m calm, or as calm as I can be. Still on edge and alert for any unwelcome surprises but there's only so long I can go without sleep. I never really set up camp, unless necessary, I never wanted to notify others of my whereabouts, I learnt that the hard way. A lonely traveller is an easy prey for any group of 2 or more.

Exhaustion is what lulls me to sleep, the moment I lay down I’m aware of how tired and sore my body is but I don’t have time to care as I’m pulled into a state of half-consciousness

A low groan, almost a growl, rings through my ears, immediately putting me on high alert. My heart is racing at the sudden prospect of danger, it’s unlikely that one lonely infected has travelled near me. Pulling my pistol from my pocket, I prepare to take out a few infected and escape as soon as possible. My ears strain with the effort of trying to hear anything but it’s pretty quiet. I don’t let my guard down, just because I can’t hear them doesn’t mean they’ve left. Then heavy repetitive footsteps, getting closer. I switch the safety off, I’m about to reveal myself when my brain stops me. These footsteps are too consistent, there’s no fumbling around or fast changes in direction. I strain my ears again, there’s no wheezing or the sound of wet breath that accompanies the spores in the infected’s lungs. They’re human, seemingly alone, which makes people very desperate. I’m conflicted if I take them by surprise or wait them out, taking a human life who hasn’t yet wronged you isn’t easy. But do I want to wait for them to potentially wrong me? The decision is made for me when they painfully fall to the ground next to me. They are a man, with eyes squeezed shut and teeth gritted. I run my eyes along him quickly, he’s well equipped but his hands are busy clutching his blood-soaked side. His eyes shoot open, and like I’ve been wounded by his gaze I, “Joel!?!”

His movements stop and his eyes shoot to mine, shocked silence engulfs the two of us. Then I remember he’s injured. 

“Let me help you,” I say giving him a hand and bringing him into the nook that was my resting place mere moments ago. 

He sits propped up, “you wanna tell me what happened and what I’m dealing with?”

“Bullet wound. Ran into a couple of hunters.”

“How far from here?” I ask while digging for medical supplies in my backpack, worried the hunters may still be looking for him.

“You don’t have to worry about them no more. They were scouting the highway.”

“Got it. What kind of medical supplies do you got?”

“Nothin’”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“Christ, alright. Okay, I’m gonna lift your shirt and have a look.”

Lifting his tattered green plaid shirt reveals a bloody mess. 

“I’m going to clean the area a bit to see what the damage is, this will probably hurt.”

He nods. Wiping the excess blood and grime gives me good news.

“You sir, are a very lucky man. It’s only a graze. It’s a pretty clean wound which ensured minimal bleeding, the edges are clean. As far as bullet wounds go, this one is a beaut. I’ll clean and bandage it, and then… we’ve got some catching up to do.”

I clean his wound in silence and as the adrenaline leaves his body he becomes lethargic.

“Gotta be honest, I thought you were dead,” Joel mumbles lowly.

“Well, I probably should be. But I thought the same of you. Tommy?”

“Alive as well as I know, he’s got a camp out in Wyoming.”

“West from here,” I add. I don’t know what happened that caused the two to split and I don’t push it. 

“Stay here, I’m going to see what I can raid off those bodies you left on the highway.”

I attempted to get up but am stopped by Joel's hand on my arm.

“You ain’t leaving me are ya?” “I’d never leave you, Joel,” I say a bit more sincerely than I intended but in his exhausted state, he’s likely to forget about it. 

I’m careful on the dark highway, Joel says I didn’t have to worry about the group of hunters but you can never be too sure. Turns out, the hunters were desperate because they had nearly nothing of use on them, even their weapons were looking worse for wear, and they likely wouldn’t have made it another winter as they were. However, one had something that was of more value to you than anything else they could’ve harboured together, a transfer pump. On a highway filled with abandoned cars, we���re guaranteed to get something working and a full tank of gas. 

I make my way back to Joel, he’s barely alert but has enough in him to point his gun at me upon arrival. Raising my hands in defence I reassure him that it’s just me. 

“Rest up, I’ll keep watch. You get busy healing.”

Joel lets out an entertained scoff before allowing exhaustion to take over. 

As the sun begins to rise, its rays wake Joel. He seems slightly confused at first but relaxes when he sees me and remembers last night's events.

“How’re you feeling?” “Pretty good, all things considered,” he says while lifting his shirt and looking at his bandaged wound. The bandage is still clean of any blood or any other excrements which is a good sign. 

“Good because we’ve got a mission.”

“Oh yeah, what's that?” His rough voice asks.

“Getting one of them cars out there to work.”

“Then we better get going.”

We pick a truck that seems to be in order besides a few parts and the fact that it’s blocked in by other cars. 

“You ever fix up a car before? Because you were never a car person before.” Joel asks.

“Nope, and I’m still not but I spent time with a group that did and I learnt enough to escape them so I’m more qualified now. You?”

Joel shakes his head, seemingly thinking of something rather than answering my question. 

God isn’t real, that much is clear given the current state of the world but I might have a guardian angel because, after a few hours, Joel and I are able to get a truck running. We then spend some time pushing other cars out of the way before we’re able to drive. I’m tired, I haven’t slept in days, I was supposed to take a night's rest when Joel stumbled upon me but he needed it more than me and now that things are going to plan my body begins giving out. I look at Joel in the driver's seat, “where are we going?”

“How about West? We go further East and the coast will make some unforgiving winters. Plus, Tommy’s out West.”

“West it is.”

Once he gets us off the crowded highway, he speaks up.

“Get some rest, you need it.”

I smile, “Yeah… I missed you too,” then prop myself against the window and close my eyes. 

I’m softly awoken by Joel's sturdy hand on my thigh and his deep hushed voice, “C’mon baby, let's get some rest.”

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, my neck and shoulders sore from the odd position they found themselves in. Joel makes his way to and opens my door, wraps his arm around my waist and leads me out of the truck and towards a long, 2-story building. 

“Where are we?” I ask gruffly.

“An abandoned motel. I’ve already scouted it out, it’s safe.”

I’d normally yell at him for doing something as stupid as clearing a building alone when he has help but I’m too tired. So I lean into Joel and allow him to lead me to a room. Inside is a dingy mattress with some threadbare pillows and blankets, our bags are already stashed under the beaten-up desk, Joel prepped the room before bringing me in, that caring bastard. Joel sits me down on the bed, I fight slumber while watching Joel push random furniture in front of the door and draw the musty curtains over the boarded-up window. Someone was clearly here before us and made it their safe space, I try not to think about what happened to them. 

Joel makes his way to me, I can see a small smile on his face, trying to hide the amusement he’s getting from me fighting to stay awake.

“Lay down, baby. We’re safe.”

I do as he says and Joel sits at the foot of the bed, taking my feet into his lap. He begins to carefully remove my shoes. Suddenly I can keep my eyes open with some ease and I watch him, his steady hands and caring face. My chest fills with a warm radiating love, I haven't seen a man with such soft emotions in his eyes in years. Joel hasn’t been consumed by anger, he’s still human, still a good man. It was touching to see given that most of us were left in a world where there was no one else to leave and no one else to love. Looking at Joel I felt some peace, I didn’t care where we were or where we were going, as long as I was with him. 

Finally, Joel gets up and joins me in bed, he keeps a respectable distance but in my sleepy state, I have the confidence to inch my way against him, spooning him while resting my forehead in between his shoulder blades. I fall asleep with my arms and thoughts filled with my southern sunshine. 

We spend a few days resting before continuing our travels West to Tommy, which sounds like paradise from Joel’s description. 

“How much longer of travelling d we have ahead of us?” “Probably no more than 3 days, we’re close.” “Why’d we stop if were so close?” “Needed the rest, plus there are so cars here that we’ll take the gas from.”

I nod, half believing him. 3 days is nothing it seems odd that he stopped for multiple days for 3 days of travel. Unless the next 3 days are hell…

“Do you know something I don’t?” I ask.

“What d’ya mean?”

“Resting multiple days for 3 days of travel? What’s up ahead that I don’t know about?”

“I hope nothin’”

“But there was something?”

“No, look I just- I thought we could use the rest, you’re complicatin’ it”

I’m still skeptical but I let it go. Joel’s being weird, sure we were tired, we always were but you had to trudge on to survive. 

“Let’s go,” he says while getting up and grabbing his things to leave. 

Joel hands me my backpack, I let out a quiet ‘thanks’ shy under his direct gaze. 

“We’ve got some gas to steal,” I say while we leave, distracting myself. I hear Joel let out a scoff to cover his laugh. A smile takes over my face in pride knowing I can still make the man laugh, a laugh I’d kill to hear more often. When we step out of the motel, the morning sun is warm and welcoming. I feel… new. I’m not one for ‘signs from the universe’ but the sunrise and its accompanying warmth gave me this sense that this was a new beginning and that things are going to be okay. I stop to bask in it, letting the sun warm my face and seep into my bones. Joel stops beside me and when I look to him he’s also taken by the sunrise. He looks almost at peace, like in this brief moment the war in his head, heartbreak from his past, and the worry of tomorrow, have all quieted down, allowing him a moment of enjoyment. He looks so pretty. The moment ends and Joel looks at me, catching me staring. 

“Hmm?”

“Nothing, I just- You look-.” I take a breath, trying to collect myself while my mind swarms with thousands of things I want to say to him. “I’m just… really happy to have found you again.”

I’m too scared to allow him to respond or even react because I’m already walking away, “c’mon we’re getting gas, remember?”

Joel spends 20 hours driving, he's tired and fighting sleep. 

“Joel let me drive, I promise not to crash and I’ll wake you if we die.”

He smiles, glancing at me, “you know where we’re going?”

Shit. “No…”

Joel laughs at my realization.

“We’ll show me on a map! Then I’ll follow that.” I explain excitedly.

“Aren’t you ‘map blind’ as you always put it?”

Just then, Joel and I are years younger, pre-outbreak young. We’re each other's rocks, constantly teasing one another while never letting the other fall.

“You remember that?”

“Course I do, you couldn’t read that damn map even if there was a ‘you’re here’ sticker on it. You gawked at that thing like I handed you an old scripture in hieroglyphics.”

Joel looks young, the recounting of that story releasing the constant stress in his face and body. 

“You had it upside down.”

I can’t help but laugh, I did have it upside down. And even in an apocalypse, I am still map blind. However, Joel remembering such a trivial moment in our time together in our past life has me astounded. In a world where life, as you know it is flipped upside down and your daughter is taken from you while still in your arms… it’s hard to imagine those moments still taking up space in his memory. 

“I can’t believe you remember that.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” “I don't know because there's so much happening all the time and there's other things that are more worthy of being remembered.”

Joel's face falls, his eyes follow suit, looking at the ground. My name falls from his mouth like a whispered prayer, scared that if it can be heard by the human ear it’ll be tainted. “I held onto every memory of you because sometimes… sometimes it’s one of the few things that keeps me going. I treasured our time together then but now? Now, I hold onto those memories because they remind me of who I was, they ground me, and remind me of how there was so much good in the world.”

He stops but there are still words that are stuck on his tongue, “I thought I lost you for good. Tommy and I- we looked for you but you know how it goes. I accepted that you- that you were no longer a part of this cold and selfish world and yet… here you are. And you still have that warm smile, you’ve kept the damned sense of humour and you’re just as snarky, if not more so, than before.”

My eyes are hot with tears, not the usual tears of loss or frustration or hopelessness but tears of love. I love this man. I loved him then and I love him now and I don’t know if anything could ever change that. I quickly wipe a defiant tear as if he wouldn’t see it. My overwhelming emotions leave me unable to speak, so I don’t, instead, I take his hand in mine. I hold him like a loving partner holding their sick lover's hand to provide comfort, I hold him like my life depended on it, I hold him like he’s my everything because he is. 

“You’re one sappy son of a bitch, Joel Miler,” I say quietly.

His chest rumbles with a low chuckle, and his warm thumb smooths over my hand. I relish in the moment of intimacy. Loving intimacy is harder to come by than kindness in this world even in something as small as hand-holding. I think it is more likely that I read a map correctly than I come in contact with regular loving intimacy. Everyone is touch starved and yet no one is willing to be vulnerable enough to provide that touch because people are too selfish for it to be a safe and wholesome act, because one that is often abused and adulterated.

“Only for you, darlin’”

“Well then let’s pull over so you can get some sleep,” I then bring his hand to my lips and give him a small kiss. 

Joel hides us in some foliage, trying to ensure we don’t stick out like easy prey out in the open. We fold the back seats and do our best to make the musty upholstery comfortable, not that it’s the worst place either of us has slept. The sun will rise in a couple hours and in dead spaces like this? That signals a sort of quiet. Most hunters move at night in these areas, trying to catch innocents off guard while they’re trying to rest. Travellers move as fast as they can in the night thinking danger will be asleep. The world is a free-for-all but when the sun sets? It becomes a war against you and every other thing, living or not. 

“I’ll keep watch, you rest,” I tell Joel.

“Ain’t you tired?”

“I got some sleep in the car, plus if I really need it, I can sleep when we’re on the road again.”

I sit myself up against the back of the driver's seat, placing different clothing items in my lap, “come on, I promise not to fall asleep,” I tell Joel, gesturing to the makeshift pillow I’ve made with my lap and clothing. 

Wordlessly Joel situates himself, laying on his back with his head in my lap, groaning when his body relaxes and he becomes aware of the tired and sore muscles within his body. Something is missing… 

“Oh,” I begin ruffling through my bag, “here,” I pull a blanket from my bag and place it over Joel’s body. The blanket is worn out but it’s more for the comfort of having than it is for warmth. A soft, barely audible ‘thank you’ escapes Joel.

With the man's eyes closed I selfishly stare, taking in his face. Theres more lines than there were before which I expect after 20 years but they’re not where I want them to be. Instead of crow's feet from a smile reaching his eyes he has wrinkles between his brows from having them furrowed too often.  In place of smile lines, he has frown lines, lines that tell a story of a resilient man living a hard life. Even with his eyes closed he still holds the face of a hardened man. His hair and facial hair are peppered with grey and even in a world s dirty as this I can’t help but run my hands through it. At first, Joel tenses, a reflex nearly everyone has developed to stay alive. But when his mind reminds him it is the hand of the person whose lap he rests his head in, he relaxes. Joel not only relaxes to post-outbreak Joel but, after a few moments, to pre-outbreak Joel. All the lines and wrinkles in his face soften, he doesn’t look young like you often hear, but he looks calmer. In my lap is a man whose gone through hell and back and is finally letting a couple walls down after decades of hardship, he almost looks relieved.  His hair tells me the same thing as his face, caked with dirt and oil and tangled from years of neglect and unrelenting weather, he’s a man who’s been stretched far too thin. I continue running my fingers through his hair during the hours that he sleeps no matter how ‘gross’ it is because the truth is, my fingers are just as covered with the survival of this world. In this musty truck with our unwashed bodies and difficult pasts, things almost feel normal, the birds sing and rise with the sun and I can almost imagine we’re on Joel’s old tattered couch, having stayed up late to watch a movie only to have one of us pass out before the climax. 

Unfortunately, the man only sleeps a handful of hours, it’s not even mid-day when he wakes. Although it’s probably the longest he’s slept in a while and the first time he���s woken up peacefully, not in a panic or with an impending task looming over his head. Joel is pulled from his slumber not because he’s well rested but because our minds are never completely at rest, we don’t have time to be so vulnerable for so long. His eyes, still filled with sleep, look for mine immediately, like he knows rationally I’m still here because his head is still in a warm lap but he’s scared that it’s an illusion and he’ll break that illusion when he opens his eyes and doesn’t find mine. When the illusion doesn’t disappear, I speak up, “Morning, southern sunshine.”

“Southern sunshine?”

“Yeah, 'cause you’re from Texas and… you always brighten my day,” I shrug. An amused scoff escapes him while he sits up, blocking me from seeing his face.

“You, my dear, are too sweet for me.”

“Why? Can’t handle it?” I tease.

“Don’t deserve it,” his voice is a little lower with those words, they’re filled with doubt.

“Well, that’s ain’t true. You deserved it then and you deserve it now more than ever. I might not know the horrors that haunt your past in between then and now, but… I know Joel Miller and he’s more deserving of someone's unyielding love and affection more than anyone I’ve ever known.”

He looks over his shoulder at me, face heavy with a mix of disbelief and self-hatred: a look he shouldn’t hold. My brows crease with worry and sadness, I slowly place my hand on his cheek like he’s a scared animal that might run if I move too fast. Instead, he leans into it for a moment before taking my wrist in his hand and pulling my palm to his lips where he kisses me. Still holding my hand between the two of us he gives me a small smile. Not a happy or grateful smile but a doleful one, one that says ‘this can’t continue, we have to keep going, there’s no time for us’. So, silently that's what we do, we get back on the road and continue West.

The remaining drive is relatively quiet, a mix of comfortable and awkward silence, like sometimes we don’t what to do with ourselves regarding the idea or possibility of us. Then it dawns on me, after years of not knowing I’ll (hopefully) get to see Tommy. I’m not sure if I sigh or mumble or if there’s just a shift in the air but Joel turns to me, then back at the road and back at me pensively. 

“What’s wrong?”

I take s deep breath, “I’ll get to see Tommy,” my voice is soft like if I say it too decisively I’d jinx it. Joel hums in response.

Holy fucking shit. The outbreak took nearly everything from everyone, but two of my loved ones were still alive and I’m about to be reunited with both of them. People I love unconditionally, that I spent days with together, people I lost for years and grieved, are alive and returning to my life. I’m overwhelmed with conflicting emotions, I’m ecstatic to see them again, I’ve been given a second life with them, and I love them and want them back in my life. My heart is filled with happiness and loves but my chest is heavy with fear. I’m scared, scared of how our relationship has changed, scared of how different the past has changed us, scared to lose them again. My body is hot like it’s overworked with the flood of emotions, and they’re just boiling to the surface. Slow tears reluctantly sting my face.

“Hey hey hey hey hey, what’s going on?” Joel asks confused.

I snap my head towards him with fearful eyes, like a deer looking at the driver that’s about to hit them, “I’m not ready!”

“What do you mean ‘you’re not ready’?”

That question opens the floodgate to the storm that is in my mind.

“I’ve been alone for years. Years! I’m completely independent, I don’t need anyone and I tricked myself into believing that I don’t want anyone.  And-and-and we’ve all changed, we’ve all done things we thought impossible for us before, and we’ve all done things that haunt us. What if- what if that’s changed us so much that the person I know from before is dead and someone new is occupying the body I’m familiar with? I want things to be how they were but they’re not going to be and I don’t know what that means. And we’ve lived different lives now that-…”

“Do you hate me?”

Joel interrupts and shocks me, “wha- no, why on earth would you think that?!”

“Well, you seem so worried that things will be so different we won’t be able to be a family like we once were. Yet, here are the two of us…” 

Closer than ever.

He doesn’t finish the sentence like he’s unsure of the right words to use. Neither of us explicitly acknowledging what’s between us.

“Things are different. They have to be. We’ve all lost so much, including pieces of our old selves, but, I know that I still love you… and Tommy… but don’t tell him I told you that.”

I laugh at Joel’s brotherly love but my mind raves with how he stopped with me, like adding Tommy was an afterthought.

I didn't realize Joel rested his warm hand on my thigh until he gives it a squeeze, I don’t know how long it’s been there but I welcome the comfort as it calms the sea within me.

“Right…” I take hold of his hand kissing it as I did before and keeping it in my grasp. There are a few moments of silence as Joel allows me to calm down.

“Tommy’s gonna lose his damn mind when he sees you.”

The two of us can’t help but laugh not so much at Joel's comment but at the rarity of it all, what are the odds we would find each other again.

We drive over a small hill, revealing a fenced civilization in the lowland.

“Hooollly shit…” I breathe, “it’s a whole city…”

“Sure is. Guess he didn’t do too bad.”

I let out an incredulous laugh, “they have electricity?”

“Yup.”

“Hot water?” “Mhmm.”

I fall silent in disbelief and overwhelming joy, “I haven’t had a proper shower in… years.” “I can tell,” Joel jokes.

I shove his arm, “watch it southern sunshine, you’re pretty ripe too.”

Joel chuckles. 

At the gates we’re asked who we are, Joel explains but they’re still skeptical. 

“Just get Tommy,” Joel says.

“Tommy’s busy.”

Joel scoffs, and mumbles a ‘busy my ass’ to himself. 

“Alright then get Maria, she’ll have questions anyway.”

“I don-”

“Boy, do you want me to have to explain to her how you refused to get her and made a big fuss outta something that should’ve been finished already?” The man behind the gate disappears, likely to get this Maria.

“Who’s Mari-”

I’m cut off by a woman shouting in a calm yet authoritative voice, “LET HIM IN!” 

When my eyes land on the woman I see she's waving us in motioning for the others to open the gates. As we wait for the gate to open, I nod towards the woman, “Maria?”

“Yup.”

“I like her.”

Again Joel chuckles, “You ain’t even met her yet.” “True but I like her, I can feel it.”

“Well, you ain’t wrong. You’ll definitely get on with her,” I smile at Joel’s words while he pauses, “which is what I’m worried about,” he finishes. 

Maria gives us a quick motion telling Joel where to park, when the truck's engine stops filling my ears I realize how nervous I am again. Joel grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze, “C’mon don’t you want that shower? You certainly need it.”

He hopes out of the truck before I can berate him. I make my way around the vehicle next to Joel.

“Been a while,” Maria opens. 

“Yeah, I know. Trying to stay alive seems to take up most of my time,” he shrugs. 

“And you?” she asks me. 

“Oh-”

“This-,” Joel attempts to answer but Maria stops him, “I didn’t ask you.”

Joel stops and almost visibly cowers, his head downcast like a kid in trouble. 

When my name leaves my lips a look of shock passes over Maria’s face.

“Well I’ll be damned, Tommy might just shit himself.” Joel and I chuckle but mine’s more in confusion. “Y-you know of me?” “Pfft, course I do. You kept these two idiots alive before shit hit the fan.”

At that, I let out a genuine chuckle. 

“Tommy’s on patrol so let me get yall settled til then.” She begins walking and we follow.

We were welcomed so fast it goes against everything I’ve come to learn in the last few years. I lean towards Joel whispering, “are they not going to check if we’re infected?” “Generally? Yes, they would. But given that it's me and you? They trust us. Plus last I checked we haven’t been bitten, so what’re you worryin’ for?”

At that, I shrug, it's just instinct to be weary of everyone all the time. 

Maria brings us to a house, not a completely run-down house, not a building that will suffice as a shelter for a short period, but an uninhabited home.  

“Get cleaned up and by then Tommy should be back. Meet at ours for 3?” Maria asks, although I get the sense she’s not really asking. 

Joel nods. 

“There are some clothes in the hallway closet, have at em’ wouldn’t make sense for yall to shower and get back into dirty clothes. “

“Thank you, Maria,” I cut in. 

“Of course. Can’t wait to see Tommy’s face,” and with that, she turns off the porch and leaves us. 

Joel closes the door and begins dropping his things, “go on and shower, just don’t use all the hot water, yeah?”

‘First of all, if I’m getting into a running shower with hot water… not only am I using it all but I might just cause a drought. Second, why don’t you join me?” All confidence I had prior to making the offer is gone and I’m left wondering why the hell I opened my big mouth like that. Joel clears his throat, “I- uh-”

“I didn’t mean- just like- the water is warm and then no one has to fight and water conservation and all that and I-”

I’m too busy babbling to realize that Joel is watching me with an amused smirk before letting out a chuckle that brings me back to earth. 

“I know what you meant darlin’, I was gonna say I’d like that.”

“Oh…”

“C’mon we’ve got some warm water and real soap calling our names,” he says while leading the way.

I’m surprised he said yes. I mean throughout our journey here we’ve shared some affectionate moments, even before the outbreak we did. But the Joel I knew then was pretty closed off and pales in comparison to the Joel I met a few months ago. We beat around the bush, never explicitly mentioning what we’re doing or what we may be. I know with his divorce, the loss of Sarah and just who Joel is that he doesn’t come by commitment and intimacy easily. The outbreak has changed us all and for Joel that meant protecting his heart a little more than before in fear of how the world may strip him of what he loves again. So… I don’t push him, I love him however he’ll let me and accept whatever he’s willing to give me because I know the Joel inside his rugged exterior and he’s worth waiting for. I let him lead us upstairs to the bathroom, the calmness and security of the house brings back a domestic Joel that I’ve missed. Joel starts the shower before leaning over me, “Why don’t you get a head start and I’ll go get us some clothes,” then he leans in and kisses my cheek and all I can do is nod in adoration. 

While Joel leaves to get us the clothes, I strip off my grimy ones and get into the stream of hot water. I groan escapes my lips as the hot water cascades down my body, already cleaning better than the attempts I’ve made over the years. My muscles yearn for the relaxation and healing that comes with its warmth. The cleanliness of the water makes me aware of how dirty I am and feel. I reach for the bar of soap, lifting it to my nose and smelling the notes of lemon and mint, someone here has worked hard to make these bars. I begin to lather my body in the velvety luxury, the steam of the shower accentuating the soap's scent. I’m so caught up in myself I don’t realize Joel’s returned until he’s joining me in the shower. He presses himself against my back and wraps his arms around my waist. We close our eyes savouring the moment that almost replicates something that could have been before the outbreak. I turn us around so Joel can be in the stream of water. While facing me with his hands on my waist, I take some shampoo in my hands and begin emulsifying it in his hair. I massage his scalp for a while, lifting the stubborn dirt while relaxing him, using my nails I give him some light scratches, refreshing the follicles and gifting the nerves a tingling sensation. A few groans escape him when I reach particular points but this moment is nothing but pure. I drop my hands from his head, keeping them on his shoulders. When Joel tilts his head back into the stream of water I return my hands to the base of his scalp slowly massaging the soapy water from it. Throughout this, his eyes remain closed in blissful indulgence. 

When his hair is clean, he turns us around and washes my hair. My arms remain wrapped around his shoulders while his hands make careful movements, his face softens and his eyes remain lovingly trained on my hair. He spends some extra time lathering, just playing with my soaped-up hair. When I tilt my head into the stream of water he kisses my forehead, I open my eyes to find his looking into mine tenderly. We freeze for a moment, both scared to make the next move. 

“Tell me I can kiss you,” I whisper.

A corner of his lips quirk upwards, “Anytime darlin’,” he says while leaning in and joining our lips together. The kiss isn’t lewd or filled with sexual tension but filled with fearful love. Love that can appear so quiet but wreaks havoc inside the individual, a cyclone of fear that your love may leave, move on or end up entangled in a worse fate. Love that hurts the beholder with its overwhelming size, that one may bust at the seams at any moment because their body just can’t contain it. We spend time so wrapped up in each other, so much said without a word being spoken, that the water begins to lose its warmth. 

“Go get dressed, I’ll finish up and join you,” Joel utters in a hushed tone. 

I nod and peck his lips once more before reluctantly leaving him. 

In the bedroom, I find warm clothes: sweatpants that aren’t tattered, they still have the soft fluffy cotton on the inside; a large t-shirt that doesn’t have more than the necessary 4 holes; and a woolly cardigan that isn’t holding so much moisture that it’s its own breeding ground for mould and bacteria. 

When Joel comes out and dresses, it’s time for us to make our way to Maria and Tommy’s. I’m still nervous, my stomach is twisted in excitement and anxiety. When we arrive on the porch I suddenly feel uplifted. “Wait! You open the door and I’ll stay hidden before revealing myself, don’t tell him anything!”

Joel chuckles, “you really do wanna give the man a heart attack.”

I press myself against the house behind the screen door, Joel knocks and inside we hear his muddled voice, “Who the hell is that?”

Maria doesn’t say anything or if she does we don’t hear it. Then the door opens and a heavy silence drops before Tommy speaks, “Son of a bitch, who let this old fuck in!”

The brothers embrace one another and then I make my way around the door, “If you’re that shocked to see him wait till you realize that I’m here too.”

Tommy's eyes widen, for a split second I think they’ll pop. He, in brotherly fashion, quickly removes himself from Joel and pushes him aside. 

“This ain’t real,” he says while standing in front of me.

“I can hit you if you’d like, if not to convince you then for old time's sake?”

“Oh my god,” Tommy says while laughing in disbelief. He tightly wraps his arms around me, when he lets go his hands remain gripping my shoulders looking at me like he had to double-check if things were true. 

“Holy shit…”

I laugh and see Maria leaning in the doorway with a smile on her lips, I return the gesture. 

“Well… aren’t you going to let us in or keep us out here on the porch like some stays?” I tease. 

The evening passes fast, turns out we had a lot of catching up to fit in in the few hours that was dinner. Everyone has a smile on their face and exited disbelief in their eyes. When dinner is finished I get up to help Maria, which she attempts to decline. “Maria, c’mon? You welcomed us, gave me some of the best clothes I’ve worn in years along with a hot shower and filled our stomachs with delicious food. I wasn’t asking.”

My authoritativeness seems to impress and please her as she just gives me a smile and walks into the kitchen. 

“We’ll let the boys catch up on whatever it is those two get up to,” Maria yells from the kitchen.

I laugh and join her, “You heard the woman, go on, get!”

The Miller brothers leave to sit outside on the porch while Maria and I fall into easy conversation about ourselves and how we found ourselves in the Miller's lives. 

“So how long have you and Joel been together?” “Oh- it’s not- we’re not-”

Maria laughs as I stumble to find the right words, “Okay so Mr. Scared of commitment hasn’t officially labelled it. But, you’re together. So, how long?”

“Oh…uh… I don’t know, we were reunited a few months ago but-”

Maria chuckles, “Oh my dear, you really are blind aren’t you?” “What?”

“I don’t mean when you reunited or when did you guys start being more affectionate or anything like that. I mean, how long have the two of you been in love?” I’m dumbfounded, what does she know that I don’t?

“That man has been in love with you forever. Now I’m not basing this off the fact that he looks at you like he’s afraid to let you go even for a second or the fact that his entire demeanour lightens when he looks at you. Even Tommy knows, he watched you two lovebirds beat around the bush for years I think you referred to you two as ‘a couple of love-sick puppies’. You’ve been in love before the outbreak, yes?” “Yes,” I shyly admit. 

“And Joel has loved you for just as long if not longer. You may not see it but it’s true and in this world, we don’t have time to deny ourselves of any love we may have a chance at. Don’t let him believe he can go about this world as a lone wolf forever.”

~~~ JOEL’S POV ~~~ 

The sun is setting, taking its warmth with it. Tommy and I sit in silence, not because there’s nothing to say but because we’ve got so much to say and don’t know where to start. Both of us sipping our respective drinks. “Can’t believe they’re alive… or that we’ve all been reunited,” Tommy says.

“You and me both.”

“You better not blow this again,” Tommy said while taking a sip from his glass.

“What d’ya mean?”

Tommy scoffs, “You might be my older brother but you really are an idiot. Don’t let them get away again, we don’t normally get second chances in this life. You’ve been handed a second chance on a fucking silver platter. I love you but if you fuck this up?” Tommy finishes with a scoff. 

There’s a heavy silence for a few moments before Tommy presses on.

“You love them.”

“Is that supposed to be a question?” “No, you do love them. I ain’t asking. I want you to accept it and, for the love of god, admit it.”

“ I don’t kn-” “Oh cut the shit, Joel. You’ve been in love for years, before this damn virus. I watched the two of you act like a damn couple but then have these moments of… weird, awkwardness as if you’ve just realized what you’ve done and are like ‘oh yeah we’re not actually together better backtrack a bit’. I mean for fucks sake just admit it, tell them, be together.”

I sigh. I know I love them and that I’m in love with them, but admitting it opens me to the possibility of losing them and I’ve lost too many to want to open myself to that hurt again. But he’s right, I’ve been given another chance. The apocalypse separated us and has nearly liked us dozens of times but then we were accidentally reunited. I’ve spent months with them, sharing close proximity and moments of loving affection. How can I be so stupid, in closing myself off I nearly lost them while trying to avoid just that. 

“Fuck…” I murmur.

“Go on, go get them.”

I quickly get up, entering the house with urgency. 

~~~ YOUR POV ~~~    

The front door opens with a sense of urgency. Maria and I turn towards the sound and heavy boots bring Joel in. 

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Can I uh, steal them?” Joel asks Maria.

She smiles and pops a hip out, leaning against the counter, “it’s about time,” Maria nods me towards him.

I join him and while we’re leaving out the front door Tommy enters the house, giving his brother a pat on the shoulder. Joel has a nervous air around him and he grabs my arm and urgently takes me onto the porch. When the door closes I speak out.

“Joel what the hell are you-”

I stopped when Joel grabs my face in his hands and kisses me. This kiss is urgent, filled with a passion of gratitude and unease. When we release Joel doesn’t pull away far.

“Joel what-”

“I need you to know something,” he interrupts quickly, he takes a breath and continues in a slower calmer manner, “I’ve spent so much time with you, shared so many memories with you, and you might not be my love but honestly? I doubt it. I love you. I’ve always loved you, you’re my family and I’m no longer going to push you away in fear of losing you because I’ll lose you by doing that. I’d rather fear losing you, having loved you rather than losing you anyways and wondering what could have been.”

“Oh Joel,” I say with a soft sigh, “You think I would have agreed to get in the damn pick-up with you with nothing but what was on us and some dumb luck if I didn’t love you?”

Joel smiles, “Hey, do you want to explore the west with me?” he ends by motioning between us and with a teasing tone.

“I’ve spent a lot of time without love and a lot of time with you, and there’s nothing I’d like more than to explore the two together.”

We share a small kiss, “it only took an apocalypse for us to get together,” I laugh.

“That might be true but I’m happy we got here.”

“Me too… We don’t actually have to go West, right? Like that was a metaphor,”

Joel laughs at me, “Yeah baby, I mean I’m happy as long as we’re together but if you don’t want to stay-”

“No, no. I want to stay. We’re staying.” “Good.”

We watch the last bit of the sunset in each other's arms. We don’t know what tomorrow holds but we’ll figure that out and we’ll do it together. 

Taglist: ​​@spideysimpossiblegirl @littlemisspascal @writer-darling @avengetheunnatural @louderfortheback @Currentobsessionrabbithole

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[rainbowsky]

Happy International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia & Biphobia

This has been a very distressing year of increased crackdowns on queer people and queer identities globally. Threats and protests at drag shows, queer events being shut down for safety reasons, another devastating mass shooting at a gay night club, transgender people being attacked, maligned and denied human rights and basic health care all over the place... it's incredibly depressing.

I already have a post here and another one here and yet another one here that are more political in nature. I hope you'll check those out and do what you can to spread the word and/or help out. But for this year's post, in the interests of lightening things up a bit from this relentless grief, I've decided to celebrate some of my favorite queer music artists who you might not have heard of before.

This is by no means a comprehensive list of my favorite queer artists. Just a few that I think don't get the recognition they deserve, and that I was able to come up with off the top of my head within the time I had available to make this post. There are so many great queer artists, and I will probably share more of them in the coming months and years.

Anohni

Truly one of the most beautiful voices on the planet. I've been a devoted fan of hers for many years, and she just keeps blowing me completely away and breaking my heart and holding it all together. I love her so damn much. She's a blessing to this world.

RVG

RVG (for Romy Vager Group, after the lead singer Romy Vager) from Australia are my current favorite new band. Romy has a spectacular voice and she knows how to use it. I can't wait for the new album to come out. Squid is my favorite new song so far, but Midnight Sun is a close second. I've shared it here because it has a video - more entertaining than staring at an album cover.

Ethel Cain

I've already talked about her a lot here on my blog. She's amazing, and her album Preacher's Daughter is one of my favorite releases from last year.

Oliver Sim

I've talked about him before on my blog. Some of you might recognize his voice from the XX, one of my favorite bands. He recently came out with a solo album that I also absolutely love. I know I've shared this video before, but it's such a favorite that I had no choice but to share it again.

Perfume Genius

Love him so much. He always manages to have a simultaneously nostalgic, moody, anthemic and totally 'of the moment' sound.

The Irrepressibles

Ugh. So good. Everything Jamie does is amazing - the aesthetic, the sound, the demeanour. Truly a massive, massive inspiration. His voice totally kills me. This particular song is so gutting and beautiful. If you look up the lyrics, you'll cry.

Chris Pureka

They are such a brilliant songwriter. Emotional, powerful songs, and such a unique, expressive voice. Their sound is deceptively simple but everything is memorable and sticks with me.

I'm aware of how painfully white this list is, but I saved a few for another list I'm working on. You'll see that one in a week or two.

[nabakovian]

2023 top tens: music

this is a list of albums/singles that either came out this year or i listened to for the first time this year

10. birth of violence by chelsea wolfe

9. all mirrors by angel olsen

8. among my swan by mazzy star

7. this land is inhospitable and so are we by mitski

6. players by coi leray

5. technophelia by geneva jacuzzi

4. soda pop by britney spears

3. antisocialites by alvvays

2. cobra (rock remix) [feat. spiritbox] by megan thee stallion

1. preacher's daughter by ethel cain

[bijoupreciieux]

A timeline of significant events in Constance Hatchaway’s life.

tw for disturbing content including mentions of murder, violence, and domestic abuse.

1851: constance victoria hawthorne is born to nicholas hawthorne & victoria anne hawthorne née adams. she was an only child. as a child constance has a quick and violent temper, and can be described as someone who goes from “zero to a hundred” seemingly in just seconds. but she also realizes quickly she can usually get what she wants from people if she acts cutesy and sweet.

1863: twelve year old constance’s parents scramble to sweep an incident under the rug wherein the girl severely injured another child to the point of said child needing hospitalization. prior to this were “smaller” incidents and reports of children telling their parents they were afraid of constance.

1865: fourteen year old constance loses her father to an alcohol induced “freak accident”. it is revealed that nicholas squandered their savings and racked up huge debts due to his drinking problem and his gambling addiction leaving his wife and daughter nothing. mother and daughter are forced out of their manor and end up homeless. victoria in desperation eventually turns to prostitution.

1869: after experiencing a severe psychotic break victoria is admitted to a sanitorium & lives there until she dies at age seventy-two. ( there is paperwork detailing anonymous sizeable donations sent directly into to Victoria’s private account to assure the best possible care and accommodations. ) eighteen year old constance obtains falsified identification papers that claim her surname is moore & she is from nebraska. she meets ambrose harper a twenty-two year old farming heir & they are engaged in just a few short months.

constance believes she can be happy with ambrose, and live comfortably but during their engagement his true colors come to light and he physically attacks her a handful of times. instead of leaving however, constance decides to play the role of dutiful, meek, and fearful young wife to be. she marries him to get his money. just a week after their wedding she murders him with a hatchet. she feds his body to the pigs on his farm & keeps the severed head in a hatbox.

1872: twenty-one year old constance has run away to new york city with a new identity: rebecca thompsan. she meets thirty-six year old frank banks and he is quite quick to propose. he is even wealthier than ambrose was. she murdered him just days after their wedding night the same way she had killed her first husband. and also put his head in a hat box as a trophy. the police were unable to find his body or his new bride anywhere. the case ended up going cold / unsolved.

1874: twenty-three year old constance acquired a new identity as beatrice harper & caught the eye of the marquis de doome a chinese military officer and diplomat. as "beatrice" she had built up an impressive if mysterious reputation. she convinced people she was of old money despite no one having heard of the "harper" family. when she married the marquis she became the marchioness de doome. he met his death at her hands a week after their wedding.

1875: just a year later, twenty-four year constance who is living under the guise of tallulah peters a pretty and simple farmer's daughter is "seduced" by forty-six year old reginald caine a railroad baron & gambler. who believes "tallulah" to be a nineteen year old girl and is grossly even more drawn to her by the notion. she found that she particuarly enjoyed murdering him, both because of his misogynstic tendencies and because of his drinking and gambling addictions that reminded her of her father.

1877: constance decides to go back to her real name and moves to new orleans, lousiana. she catches the attention of george hightower of the extremely wealthy and affluent hightower family. after she chops his head off, she actually decides to stay in the manor instead of running away. this can be contributed to a few things: she genuinely loved new orleans & living there and she had fallen in love. during her engagement to george, she met a woman named daisy de la cruz aka sally slater who was part of a circus troop that had set up their establishment in the bayous that the hightower manor overlooked. daisy also had a few kills under her belt.

1883: thirty-two year old constance is shattered when daisy falls into alligator infested waters and is viciously killed.

1886: on august 12th, september 3rd, september 20th, october 18th, and december 21st the bodies of men with their heads hacked off were discovered in various locations all over new orleans. however their heads had not been taken. it is many many years even after it's figured out that she killed her husbands that it's determined she was also responsible for these additional deaths. but it pushes her kill count from five to ten.

1889: constance has retired from serial killing & simply lives comfortably in her mansion. she is known for throwing lavish parties that everyone is desperate to attend. her background is a bit mysterious but she’s such an alluring and witty woman people don’t mind too much. she turns down a number of proposals from various wealthy men. she is never caught for the murders she committed. but in…

1927: seventy-six year old Constance passes away due to natural causes / old age. in the attic of the manor various things are found: her many false identification papers, letters between herself and daisy, a journal detailing her murders in grisly detail, and five hatboxes containing five skulls. constance returns as a malevolent spirit but appears as her younger self, clad in a wedding gown and clutching a hatchet. due to her choice of weapon; people begin referring to her as Constance Hatchaway. she is considered to be the most dangerous and frightening of of the 99 haunts that dwell in the Hightower manor.