#happy birthday to my favorite weird little goth boy

[karlenthusiast]

BSD textposts but they’re all Poe

[c0rvidbones]

Out of all your OCs, who's your favorite and why?

>:D YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD OF A QUESTION THIS IS BUT IVE BEEN DYING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ABOUT MY OCS

GAH okay okay its a HUGE tossup between two of them and it doesn't help they are Brothers but I think I will have to say it's Umbra! Infodump that's super long and also art by my sick ass friend under the cut.

This is him! My feral bastard man, the one with the blue hair and pronouns! I realised while selecting these I literally do not own a single piece of art that is him by himself, he's basically glued to the hip of his husband, Penchant (written by my friend over at @/cherryfull, who also does draw all of this GORGEOUS art. The other person in the very last picture is his little brother, Axel)

Please know Umbra isn't small, Pen is just a fucking Giant of a man at a hearty 6'7"

[Quick info; he is a like 5'8-5'10 ish polynesian-french transman and a [very, Very fallen] angel of knowledge, and he struck a deal with the primordial Chaos to share and gain all the knowledge he possibly could in order to bolster his magic to an unreasonable level when he calls on it.]

He's a weird little man who I have been writing for like, 11?? Years now? He started out SO different, all warm and bright, passive and pastel/cottagecore, but through all of his batshit insane Events he's ended up this goth mildly aggressive edgelord (affectionate) who is mean for fun but is also still secretly helpful.

I think a huge part of him being my favourite, aside from him literally being my oldest, is that he has always been how I processed a lot of stressful things and got through unhappy times. I love calling his current era his "villain era" but it literally kicked off with him deciding to stop being a doormat of a boy and stand up for himself. Most of what he does is direct response to his own boundaries as he is STILL learning how to set them.

That said, he did once break someone's leg and dispose of them on said someone's ex boyfriend's doorstep with a boxed homemade cheesecake that said Happy Birthday on it; it was because those two were Yet Again pining for each other but were not doing Anything about it, and it was driving him nuts. He's still the village bastard because of this, and, even if it was a really convoluted plan to get those two back together, it wasn't exactly something a Normal and Sane man would do.

He also has a BLATANT disrespect for personal space with others most of the time, at least in terms of their homes. He has often and frequently, Uninvited, portalled into other people's homes. It has caused more than one fight, and once he agrees to not coming over unless he has asked permission or invited, he usually stops coming altogether because to him, it's no longer "fun."

I know, I know, you may be asking, why do you love this objectively terrible man, Observatory. Well, you see. I find him very funny. YES I know I write him but my very small rp group all agree sometimes the muse writes themselves and in the case of Umbra, he does so often and with wild abandon. He got jealous of a set of weights his husband put on his back and frisbee'd them into the wall so he could perch there like he usually does instead. He nearly threw a vampire off a yacht into a river because they were eyeing him a little too much. He regularly makes Nyquil Chicken and gives it to unsuspecting fools who, for some reason, keep forgetting he loves giving people Nyquil Chicken. Do you see why he's hilarious to me.

ALSO, while yes he is a terrible person with zero (well, One, but he's his sister-in-law's husband's brother so. Distant-ish family?) friends outside of direct family by marriage, if you DO manage to earn his loyalty, he is actually not just a Better person to you, but he is a Kind and Caring and VICIOUSLY protective person. He seeks out bountiful physical contact and often offers food and company, he will help you with everything in his power (which is a lot, because yeah, he has kinda ended up overwhelmingly overpowered because of RP events) when you need it. He doesn't like to use his healing magic anymore, it feels too much like an echo of the doormat boy he used to be, but if he cares, Actually cares about you, he will offer it, and it will mean the World.

Unfortunately because of how complex he's become over the years, he's nearly impossible to RP with new people because he has such Thick history and I, an autistic person and his creator, can't help myself and will talk about him nonstop whenever possible.

tl;dr He's an awful person but he makes me laugh and that's the most important thing.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

We’ll Carry On - Chapter Sixty

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

May 10th, 2020

Patton swung on the swing with a giant laugh, leaping from the seat and sticking the landing in the park, taking a bow. Roman laughed and Logan clapped, and Patton happily twirled in his new skirt that he had gotten for the upcoming summer. “I’m so excited!” Patton exclaimed. “I get to do all sorts of things in a skirt because of extra legroom!”

Logan chuckled. “I was never one for skirts, myself, but you make it work, Patton.”

Patton stuck a pose and exclaimed, “Duh!” before Virgil and Dee called his name from the top of the slide. “Gotta go, sounds like my other brothers need me!”

He ran up the playset, admiring his skirt swish all the way. This summer was gonna be great!

February 7th, 2021

It was a lazy Sunday morning, and Logan and Patton were crammed together on Logan’s bed, Logan explaining everything he knew about astronomy to Patton. Patton had heard some of it before, but a lot of it was new, and he loved getting to see Logan so excited about something as simple as the stars in the sky.

...Well, no. The stars and galaxies and stuff were all very complicated, and that was what Logan was explaining to Patton. But the fact remained that Patton loved seeing Logan come alive.

After some time, Logan pulled Patton closer to him. “We don’t do this often enough,” he told Patton.

“Yeah, we need to do it more often,” Patton agreed. “I love getting to hear you talk about anything when you’re excited.”

“Thanks, I think?” Logan said with a laugh.

“It’s a good thing,” Patton said. “You come to life and it’s super super cool!”

“As opposed to me being, what, lifeless the rest of the time?” Logan asked, tilting his head toward Patton with a frown.

“No, like...you’re always a little alive, but you get really excited and animated when you talk about space. It’s super cool to see you get really happy, because I don’t always see you get to be super happy,” Patton explained. “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Logan said. “It still seems weird, but I guess you can’t see in my head, so you can’t always see when I feel emotions but can’t express them properly.”

“Yeah,” Patton agreed. “I’m not a mind reader, no matter how much Virgil insists I am. Just because I can notice when he’s anxious doesn’t make me a mind reader.”

“No, it just means that you can read his body language,” Logan agreed. “He’s not super obvious when he’s anxious, but I can pick up on a couple ticks of his, too.”

Patton hummed. “Do you think we could talk more about gender stuff?”

“Sure, if you want,” Logan said. “Is there anything you want to know in particular?”

“Yeah,” Patton said, playing with his hands as he sat up and put them in his lap. “I was hoping we could look up stuff on being cassgender?”

Logan blinked. “Sure. You haven’t brought that up in a while, though. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Patton said, shrugging. “I don’t mind being called a brother or you guys using he/him for me, but...being called a boy feels...off, when I know I’m not really a boy.”

Logan nodded. “I know the feeling,” he said. “Do you think your label might be changing?”

“I don’t know,” Patton said helplessly. “I just...I don’t want to be he all the time, you know? Being Pat is fine, and so’s Patton, too, I guess, and I think it would be funny if you guys called me Patricia sometimes just to mess with people. I don’t think I’m...uh...whatever that gender is where you switch around. I just think that being called a boy is getting on my nerves.”

“You’re feeling dysphoric,” Logan filled in. “And the gender you were talking about is genderfluid.”

“Oh. Okay,” Patton said. He knew what dysphoric meant, because Logan had explained it before, but something about it confused him. “How can I be dysphoric if I don’t care about my gender?”

“Well, your gender might not be that of a boy,” Logan offered with a shrug. “You could be nonbinary, or even a girl, and just not care but ‘he’ feels wrong. Or ‘he’ could just feel wrong because that’s all that’s ever used on you and you want to experiment with other pronouns or ways of expression that aren’t traditionally masculine.”

Patton hummed. That made sense. He didn’t care about his gender, and never really had. That’s why being called a boy had been so jarring. He didn’t know why it decided to be jarring recently, but he supposed he might have just gotten sick of playing pretend being a boy at school. “Do you think you could call me ‘she’ for a while?” Patton requested. “I’m just so tired of hearing ‘he’ and ‘him’ and ‘his’ all week. I think I need a break from it.”

“Sure, Pat,” Logan said. “Should I call you Patricia, or Pat, or does Patton still work?”

Patton shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t really care about that as much.”

Logan laughed. “Okay, that’s fair. But of course I’ll use ‘she’ pronouns if you want me to, even if it’s only for a day.”

Patton beamed wide and she tackled Logan in a hug. “Thank you!” she exclaimed, words muffled by the material of Logan’s shirt.

Logan laughed and hugged her back. “It’s no problem, Pat. Do you want to tell the others about this?”

“Not just yet,” Patton said, leaning back. “I wanna keep hanging out with you.”

“Me?” Logan asked, ears turning pink. “Why?”

“Well, you’re super cool, Logan!” she exclaimed, hands making wide, sweeping motions to emphasize her point. “It’s really nice to get to talk to just you, and we almost never ever do it!”

Logan still looked shocked, but also a little pleased. “Well thank you, Patton. That’s very kind of you to say.”

Patton grinned. “Hey, do you think Dad and Ami would let me try makeup?” she asked. “That could be super fun to play around with!”

“Well, you’re almost ten, you could always ask about getting some lipstick or something for your birthday,” Logan said with a shrug. “No guarantee that you’d get actual makeup, but at the very least I know they’d let you get lip gloss rather than a chapstick or two.”

Patton’s eyes lit up and she bounced where she sat. “Really?! That’s so cool!”

Logan nodded, smiling a little. “I will admit, I never had much of an interest in makeup, but I’m sure Roman could help you. He knows about stage makeup, at the very least, so it might not look natural at first, but with a little practice I’m sure the two of you would do a lovely job.”

Patton squirmed happily. “I wanna go put on a skirt now,” she said.

“Hey, go ahead, no one’s stopping you,” Logan said, waving her off. “You can come back as soon as you’re done if you want to keep hanging out with me.”

Patton squealed and dashed to her room, going to her dresser and immediately rummaging through it until she found her favorite skirt, the pastel blue one with suspender straps. Oh, she adored this one! She put it on and dashed back to Logan’s room, jumping onto his bed and laughing. “Very cute,” Logan complimented. “Come spring, you’ll be the belle of the ball, if you want to be, of course.”

Patton put her hands in her lap and laughed. “I’d love to be the belle of the ball! That’d be so cool!”

Logan grinned and opened his phone. “If you want, I’m sure I could look through people’s makeup pictures and see if we can figure out a style that you like?”

“Blue! I want it to be blue! Or at least pretty pastels!” Patton exclaimed.

“Wow, I never would have seen that coming,” Logan laughed. “Come on, let’s take a look anyway. You might find that your style changes as you look at different pictures.”

No sooner had Logan started the search for makeup than Patton saw something that made her heart skip a beat. She pointed at it and said, “That one! I like that one!”

Logan clicked on it and snorted. “Pastel goth. Of course. It’s you and Virgil combined.”

Patton stuck her tongue out playfully at Logan. “Whatever. I think it’s cool, and you can’t change my mind!”

“I don’t want to change your mind, I was just pointing out that pastel goth is you and Virgil combined. You being the pastel, and him being the goth,” Logan said with a shrug.

“I’m not goth!” a new voice cried indignantly from the doorway.

Patton and Logan turned to find Virgil standing there, arms crossed and his frown etched deep in his face. “I’m not goth. I’m emo. There’s a difference,” he informed Logan.

Logan put a hand to his mouth, and Patton could see he was trying to stifle giggles. “Yeah, okay, whatever, Virgil. My mistake. The two types of people who despair over the world, wear all black, and wallow in their own misery are completely different.”

“Goths are over-the-top and extra, like Roman,” Virgil said. “Emos don’t really try that hard. That’s why I’m emo.”

“That...actually makes sense,” Patton said.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Virgil scoffed, before jerking a thumb over his shoulder. “Dad and Ami were wanting to talk to the two of you. Their spidey-senses were tingling.”

“Oh,” Patton said, feeling dread bloom in her gut. Either something was really wrong, or they knew that she wanted to change her pronouns somehow. And no one in this house was a mindreader, so she doubted it was the pronouns.

“We’ll be right down,” Logan said. “I want a word with Patton, first. She looks a little nervous.”

Virgil blinked once, staring at Patton, who was bright red and hoping that Virgil wouldn’t comment. “Okay, I’ll let them know. Should I, uh...use ‘she’ pronouns?”

“Patton?” Logan asked, turning to her.

She squirmed. “I mean, I don’t mind being the one to tell them, but you can tell them too. It’s just for the day, to see how it feels.”

“Oh, okay,” Virgil said. “For a second I was wondering if you thought you were a girl and trying to figure out how to come out. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing! But it would make stuff hard on you at school whenever you came out, and you know how my anxiety works. I will freak out over things months in the future.”

“You’ve been good at not catastrophizing recently, Virgil, cut yourself a little slack,” Logan said with a smile. “Go ahead and tell Dad and Ami we’ll be right there.”

Virgil nodded and left and Patton started to shake. Logan gave Patton a hug. “Hey, we’ll be okay, Pat. Odds are they just wanted to ask us something about whatever they overheard this time. No big deal, right?”

Patton nodded. “That isn’t,” he said softly. “But what if someone got hurt? Granny could have fallen again, or Grandma and Granddad could be in trouble, or...or...there’s too many options!”

“All of them ‘what if’s, Patton,” Logan said softly, kissing Patton’s hair. “You’ll be okay. Even if what they want to talk to us about stuff which hurts, we’ll be okay in the end.”

Patton took a breath and nodded slowly. Together, they walked out of the room and downstairs, to the living room, where Dad and Ami were talking. “...But she? I didn’t really see that coming,” Ami said.

Dad was quick to respond, as Patton’s ears turned pink, “It’s just what she feels comfortable with, Rem. You knew this day might come, right? We talked about it.”

“I know. I just worry about...her,” Ami said, turning and doing a double-take looking at Logan and Patton in the doorway. “Speak of the devil, and he shall appear! Hi, kids.”

Dad turned with a smile. “Hey, we were just talking about you.”

“I heard,” Patton mumbled, scuffing the floor with his toes.

“Not in a bad way!” Dad exclaimed. “We were calling you both down here to talk about gender stuff even before Virgil revealed the pronoun experiment.”

“Okay...?” Logan asked.

“Well, you two are the ones in the house who identify as transgender to some degree,” Ami said. “So we thought we could use your advice on something.”

“Okay...but...on what?” Patton asked.

“Well, there’s someone we know who has had feelings of femininity and being a woman for years, but he was convinced he was just somewhat feminine until recently when someone mentioned being genderfluid in passing. Usually the feeling might last for about a week, he says, but sometimes he feels like a woman, sometimes a man, and other times just a person or a mix of...something,” Dad explained. “What do you two think about that?”

Logan cleared his throat. “Well, obviously, it is up to the individual in question, but that sounds like a classic case of genderfluidity.”

“Sounds pretty cool!” Patton exclaimed. “I sometimes feel feminine, but I don’t feel like a girl. There’s a difference. Girls can be masculine, you know? So I guess they’d have to feel like a girl in their soul, not just their style? If that makes sense?”

Dad gave Ami a smug smile. “I told you so, honey.”

Ami rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “All right, all right, you’ve made your point, Emile. I’ll go out and buy the white flowy dress! I’ll be your wife some days! You’re bisexual, it works out!”

“Pronouns?” Logan asked after the initial silent shock.

“Will change, probably,” Ami said. “But I’ll let you kids know when they do. For now, uh...I guess she and her?”

“Pronoun buddies!” Patton exclaimed excitedly, holding up a hand for Ami to high-five. Hesitantly, she did so. “This is gonna be so cool! And you’re gonna be the prettiest, Ami, I can already tell!”

Ami’s smile at that declaration made Patton’s whole day just that much better.

[mrsjaxtellerfan]

Coming Home (Jax x OC) (Chapter15)

Hey guys! Sorry it has taken so long to post a new chapter. On the bright side I finished nursing school and graduated college! Hope y'all enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of a threesome 

Chapter 15

3 months later

“Okay, so I’m thinking small ceremony. I don’t want a huge wedding. I think it should just be us and the club.” I say, looking over my planner.

“What about Kelsey?” Jax asks, holding Abel and drinking his coffee.

“Fuck, I forgot about her. I’m a horrible friend.”  I sigh.

“Sophia hasn’t stopped talking about her since you guys went to visit her last week. You’re not a bad friend. You just have a lot on your mind.” Jax laughs.

“Kelsey wants to meet you.” I say, looking up at him from my spot at the breakfast nook.

“She’d hate me. All your friends do.”

“Kels is different. She already likes you. She saw the difference in Sophia.”

“Why does she like me? I’m just trying to know what to expect.”

“Expect a lot of flirting.” I laugh.

“She’s one of those.” Jax says.

“She is, and if you flirt back, you’re grounded.” I joke. “She doesn’t actually mean anything by it, she just likes to joke with people. Hell she will flirt with me, she always does.”

“That I have to see.” Jax says, smirking at me.

“Oh you will. Don’t mind if she grabs my ass a lot.”

“When is she coming around?”

“Whenever I tell her to.” I laugh. “Oh my god! I just thought of something!”

“Tonight is fine. What are you thinking about!”

“Her and Juice would be perfect together! We should introduce them!”

“I thought she was bi, but more into girls.”

“Nah, apparently this week she’s more into dudes. She switches up a lot.” I laugh.

“I’ll call Juice, you call Kelsey.”

“Break!” I laugh at my horrible sports lingo.

“You always were bad at sports. I remember when you came with a French fry in your hair that one day because you hid in the cafeteria.”

“Actually, I was thrown in the trash that day. It had nothing to do with sports.” I laugh.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” Jax asks.

“I didn’t feel the need to. I was handling it.”

“I could’ve helped you.” He says, putting one hand over mine.

“Jax, I didn’t even know what had happened until Franklin, the janitor, pulled me out of the trash can and gave me one of his little suit things he wears.”

“I mean, if you were bullied I could have made them stop.”

“We don’t have to worry about it anymore, Jax. That’s how I met Kelsey.”

“She helped you?” Jax asks, confused.

“Believe it or not, I took care of it myself.”

“What did you do?” Jax laughs.

“I hit a kid, in the face, with a hardcover textbook, that I borrowed from Kelsey. I then joined her in detention.” I laugh.

“Badass.”

“You know it, baby.” I smack his ass, making my way to the coffee pot.

“Do you think Sophia is adjusting well to first grade? I know she and Tommy are still together, but she’s been having a hard time making friends.”

“Jax, she had a hard time making friends when she first started Kindergarten, give it a little time. It’s only her second day.” I sigh, hugging him before going back over to my wedding planner book.

“What colors are you thinking?”

“Well, traditional white dress, roses and sunflowers for the bouquet.”

“Why sunflowers?” Jax asks.

“Because they are my favorite flower, Jax.” I deadpan.

“What about Sophia? I feel like we need to honor her in some sort of way.”

“Jax, she’s the flower girl, her dress has purple in it.”

“I just hope she’s happy.” Jax says, smiling at me.

“Will you stop worrying?” I sigh, rolling my eyes.

“I’m a dad, I worry. I can’t help it.” Jax replies.

“I know. I remember over the summer when Tommy came to play. We now have an open door policy, that I didn’t know about until Sophia came into our bathroom when I was taking a shower to let me know I couldn’t have the door closed. Or when she opened the door to our room while we were having sex because you told her if a boy and a girl are in the same room the door has to be open.”

“That was a hard thing to explain.”

“What was it you told her we were doing, Jax?”

“Wrestling and it made it super fucking awkward when she asked to join.” Jax shudders.

“That is why we nipped that problem in the bud by having them play in the downstairs playroom.” I Iaugh.

“That’s why I got a camera put in there, so I could watch, but not linger. She yelled at me.”

“They are 6 Jax, calm your shit.” I laugh.

“She’s my baby. Remember what we did when you were 6?”

“Yeah, we poured water on everyone’s bike seats. If I remember right, you got in trouble because I would never do such a thing. And I told my dad you did it.”

“Yeah I did. Oh babe! I made plans for your birthday!” Jax exclaims, changing the subject.

“I don’t celebrate my birthday, Jax. You know that.”

“Well, you do this year. It’ll just be the two of us though.”

“Birthday sex?” I ask, smirking.

“Oh for sure. After your party at the clubhouse.” Jax laughs as my face falls.

“I hate parties, and surprises, and birthdays.” I complain.

“I know that’s why I’m telling you now, so it’s not a surprise.” Jax smirks.

“It’s still a party.” I sigh.

“But there’s sex after.”

“Better be some damn good sex.” I mumble.

“Oh, baby. I won’t disappoint. I bought some stuff for the occasion.” Jax winks.

“What did you get?” I question.

“That’s a secret.”

“Are you gonna make me cum until I cry again, Jax? I was in pain for days after that.”

“Nah, no pain. Promise.” Jax laughs. “Can’t promise you won’t cum multiple times though, darlin’.”

“As long as it’s not one right after the other I’ll be fine.” I laugh.

“Hmmm I don’t know, guess we will see Friday.” Jax remarks. “Go call Kelsey.”

“Yes, sir.” I salute, picking up the phone and dialing Kelsey’s number.

“Hey babe!” Kelsey yells from the other line.

“Hey! So I was thinking, you should come over and hangout with Jax and I. He’s home for the day and I know you aren’t working, lazy.”

“I’d love to!” Kelsey exclaims. “I got an invite to your party Friday!”

“Yeah, I found out about it today. I don’t approve.” I groan.

“Of course you don’t. You hate your birthday.” She laughs.

“You are planning on being there, right?” I ask.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Remember when I flew to New York for your birthday? Or all those times in Hershey? I haven’t missed one since we’ve been friends, and I’m not gonna miss one until I am dead.”

“Oh my god! You should just come stay with us this week! We have the spare bedroom set up! You can help Gemma, Lyla and I with wedding planning!”

“You forgot about me, didn’t you?” Kelsey asks, feigning hurt. “I thought we were best friends. I let you hit someone with my book!”

“I’m so sorry! I’ve just been so stressed with the expansion and moving and Sophia starting 1st grade and Abel’s birthday coming up. It’s insane around here.”

“I’m giving you shit, Ari. I know you have a lot going on. Sophia is getting so big. She’s married, in first grade, he got her a cute little ring, she is totally relationship goals. You and Jax are endgame though.”

“Oh god, don’t say that in front of Jax, he will have a conniption. He still doesn’t want her playing with Tommy!” I laugh.

“Did she walk in on you and Jax? She said something to me about you two wrestling and not letting her join, and that doors have to stay open when boys and girls are in the same room. I did that to my parents once, they hated me. I did it every night, so they started sleeping with the door open and would just have sex when I was at school.”

“You and Sophia are just the same. I swear, Jax and I never get to have sex. If it’s not Sophia busting in, Abel is crying. I’m seriously going insane with withdrawal.” I laugh.

“She learned from the best. Make Jax give you a quicky while Soph is at school and Abel is napping.”

“Oh. I didn’t think of that.”

“Nope. I bet you didn’t. Trust me, it’ll work. Or ride his thigh, I bet he’d be into that. It’s like sex, but you get release, and he gets to watch!”

“Kelsey!” I yell, blush rising up my neck.

“What, I’m trying to help you enhance your sex life.”

“I don’t need to thigh ride my fiancé to enhance our sex life.” I laugh, not noticing Jax coming into the room.

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. I bet you’d both enjoy it. And it can look innocent, in case Sophia walks in.”

“Ohhhh that would be fun to try!” Jax yells, in my ear. I jerk, nearly throwing my phone.

“Jaaaaaaax! What the actual fuck are you doing?”

“Scared ya.” Jax laughs, tickling my sides. “We should for sure try that. Tell her I said thanks for the tip.”

“Welcome!” Kelsey yells over the line. “Alright, well I’m gonna get off of here and pack a bag. I’ll see you later. Love you! Don’t have too much fun.”

“You can stay in the guest room.”

“I know, maybe Sophia will bother me tonight, and you guys can try to have a little fun, if ya know what I mean.”

“Love ya!” I laugh, hanging up on her. “You scared the hell outta me, Jax.”

“You guys always talk about sex?” Jax laughs, kissing my neck.

“Sometimes we talk about makeup trends, the Kardashians, naked pillow fights.”

“You know, Kelsey is coming to stay with us, we could try out that threesome while she’s here.” Jax laughs.

“Not with Sophia here. Imagine her walking in on that.”

“Baby, we are kid free Friday. I already worked it out.” Jax kisses my neck.

“That was supposed to be our time.” I sigh.

“Birthday sex!” Jax says, in a sing song voice.

“You can bring it up to Kels because I’m not. She’s filthy, god only knows what she’d say.” I laugh.

“Wasn’t she like, the goth kid in school?”

“Yeah, she isn’t anymore though.”

“Her purple hair was pretty cool though. And all those piercings, I’ll never get it.”

“It was! She still has some of them, got rid of most though. She has blond hair now.”

“Does she? Imagine how those are gonna feel, babe.” Jax says.

“I’m sure the tongue ring would feel quite interesting.” I laugh.

“She has a tongue ring?”

“Yeah, it’s feels really weird when she kisses you.”

“Imagine how it would feel on your clit.” Jax says, realization hitting him. “Wait! You guys have kissed?”

“Of course we have.” I laugh.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“You didn’t ask.” I smirk, shrugging my shoulders.

“I am now.”

“It was during spin the bottle, it landed on a guy, but he didn’t want to kiss her, so I did. I didn’t want her to feel left out of the game.”

“You’re a Saint.”

“She’s a good kisser. She was my first kiss.”

“You told me I was your first.” Jax pouts.

“You were. My first MALE kiss.”

“You liar!”Jax exclaims, feigning anger.

“Jax, it was literally nothing. We were just friends. I didn’t want her to feel left out of the game because of Michael Ingleson not wanting to kiss her.”

“I know, I just wanted to see you sweat.” He laughs.

“You’re an asshole.” I say, pushing him away from me.

“I’m your asshole.” He laughs.

“Unfortunately.”

“Do you trust Kelsey?” Jax asks.

“With my life. She’s always been there when I needed her. She went to New York with me when I ran from here. She was with me until I got with Darren and we moved in together, then she came home because her grandpa got sick.”

“Is that why Sophia loves her? Because she was always there?”

“Yep. She was with us until Sophia was 3 when we moved in with Darren.”

“I’m glad Sophia had good people in her life.”

“Kelsey’s good people.”

“Then I trust you. The same way you trusted me about Chucky.”

“She’s a gross bitch, she will for sure hit on you and make inappropriate comments, not in front of the kids of course, but she will bring up our sex life any chance she gets. She thinks it’s funny when I blush.”

“I think it’s cute when you blush.” Jax says, kissing my cheek.

“Ugh! The both of you suck.”

“You don’t!” Jax laughs.

“Hey! I do too! Just not often.” I laugh.

“I can’t even get it on my birthday.”

“Don’t you lie. You would have gotten it on your birthday if you hadn’t told Sophia about the open door policy, and then got too drunk to get hard after your party.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Now, drop ya pants.”

“Right now?”

“I don’t see any kids around, do you?”

“Oh fuck yes!” Jax yells, yanking his pants down, struggling with his belt, before getting them around his ankles.

“Damn, can you move any quicker?” I joke, taking him in my hand loosely, taking him into my mouth.

“Fuck.” Jax moans.

“Hey! Y’all home? Clay sent me over. Said you had the day off, but he needed the keys you took home yesterday!” Chibs yells, stomping through the house, stopping in the kitchen when he spots us. “Oh. Sorry to interrupt, Jackie Boy, I can wait in the other room.” Chibs laughs.

“Fuck!” Jax yells, pulling away and pulling his pants up. “No, that’s okay, you already ruined the moment.”

“Sorry. How ya doing lass?” Chibs asks, as I get up off my knees.

“Good! Jax told me he caught you coloring with Sophia the other day. In her princess coloring book.”

“She alway’ begs me to help ‘er color.” He laughs. “I don’ mind doing it.”

“She beg you to braid her hair too? Or do you just do it?

“No, I just miss doing it with my daughter.”

“She likes when you color with her. You don’t get upset when she goes outside the lines. None of you guys do. Darren used to get so mad when she colored outside the lines. One time, he broke her crayons because she just went a little bit over the line.”

“Well he was an arsehole.” Chibs says.

“Here’s the keys, now get out.” Jax tosses the keys at him.

“Nah, Jax. Let him stick around a bit, Sophia would love to see her uncle Chibs when she gets home.”

“Fine.” Jax sighs.

“Great! Got any food, lass?” Chibs asks, taking off his kutte, draping it over a chair at the table.

“In the fridge.”

“Tell me more about this Darren bloke. He sounds lika real piece a work. Can I eat this pie?”

“Yeah, and there isn’t much to tell. He was an abusive asshole who treated Soph and I like shit.”

“Ya aren’t shite lass, neither of ya. His Ma and Da mus’ nota taugh’ ‘im how to treat a lass.”

“I met his mom several times. She was disapproving, because I already had a kid. He tried so hard to get Sophia to call him daddy, but she just wouldn’t. Eat slower, you’re gonna choke.”

“Good riddance.” Chibs replies, continuing to shovel pie into his mouth.

“Slow down, I don’t feel like having to save your life.”

“I’m no’ gon’ choke, I’m Scottish, we don’t die eating, we die drinking.”

“Well, okay then.”

“Did his mom not like Sophia?”

“No she did, she just hated that she wasn’t grandma Lacey. She was just Miss Lacey. She never liked me, though. I had a baby that wasn’t her sons, I weighed too much, I didn’t eat enough, I ate too much, I spent more time at work than with Darren, Sophia’s dad wasn’t around, I got pregnant at 18, I didn’t do the dishes right, I don’t cook the right foods for her son, I refused to stay home with kids because I was starting a business, you name it and she hated me for it.”

“We don’t hate you. We love you, and Sophia. But sometimes our love for Jax is questionable.”

“That hurts my heart, Chibs.” Jax says, holding his chest.

“Chibs, when you finish your pie, would you like to come with me to pick up Sophia?”

“Fuck yes!” He says, putting down the half eaten pie, standing up, and wiping his hands on his pants.

“Great! Jax, you keeping Abel or want me to take him?”

“I’ll keep him. We’ll have some man time, right buddy?” Jax asks, tickling Abel’s tummy causing his to laugh. “When will Kelsey be here?”

“Before dinner. I’m not going to tell Sophia, we will let Kelsey surprise her.”

“Oh she will be surprised alright.” Jax says.

“Alright, love you! See ya in a bit.” I smile, kissing him and Abel on the forehead.

“Love you too!” Jax says, holding Abel up and using his hand to wave to us.

“See ya, Jackie Boy!” Chibs laughs, poking Abel’s tummy.

“Bye Uncle Chibs.” Jax says, holding Abel in front of him and talking in a deep baby voice.

“Mommy! Uncle Chibs!” Sophia yells, running over to us with Tommy following behind her.

“Lassie!” Chibs says, picking her up and spinning her around.

“Mommy, Tommy and I want a baby.”

“Take that up with your daddy. Tommy, do you need a ride home?” I ask him, he nods his head yes. “Come on, we will give you a ride.”

“Daddy!!!” Sophia says, walking in the door.

“My baby girl! How was school?” Jax asks, picking up Sophia.

“Good. Can Tommy and I have a baby?” Sophia asks Jax.

“Um… I-I… I don’t know sweetheart.”

“Can I have some of that pie?” Sophia asks, looking at Chibs, shoveling the last half of the pie into his mouth.

“Of course.” Chibs says. Jax puts her down and she runs over to where he’s sitting and climbs into his lap, grabbing the fork that was too big for her, and taking a too big bite.

“This is really good pie.” Sophia says, taking another bite.

“Chibs, will you watch her while Ari and I talk in the other room?”

“Aye.” He says, proudly looking down at her.

“They want a baby?” Jax asks, freaking out.

“Jax, they’re kids. We will just get her another doll and they could name it something Alvarez, boom, parents.”

“I’m still not sold on this Tommy boy.” Jax says, grabbing my hand, and bringing it up to kiss it.

“Jax, Tommy isn’t going to hurt her. He told her he loved her when we dropped him off, and they hugged. They hugged Jax, that is something that Sophia rarely did except to you, me, Kelsey, Clay, Gemma, and her uncles. She used to hate hugs, she wasn’t used to being hugged by people her age. Jax, you have been a part of that.”

“She never hugged?”

“Not if it wasn’t me or Kelsey. You, and your mom, and Clay, and SAMCRO have helped her come out of her shell. The pieces are coming together, Jax, just like you said.”

“I’m still not convinced that all of your pieces, or hers, are back together.” Jax said, looking into my eyes, putting his hand on the back of my neck and pulling me into him. “I’m gonna make sure she grows up knowing how she should be treated.”

“Jax-”

“No. She deserves to know that she’s a princess. And the be treated as less than that, is absolutely unacceptable. I will not let her get hurt, not the way you got hurt. And I will NEVER let you get hurt like that again.” Jax says.

“Jax none of these guys will ever let us get hurt. If anyone hurts Sophia, Happy would probably kill them. It’s clear he cares about her, all of these guys do.”

“I just want you both to feel safe, protected, loved.” Jax says, wrapping his other arm around me to hold me closer. “I’m trying my best here, to help you both, but Darren hasn’t made it easy.”

“You are helping us, Jax. Love is something that Sophia has only ever gotten from me, and now she has a wild, crazy family, full of people who would hurt anyone who looks at her wrong.”

“You better believe it.” Jax replies, kissing my head.

“I do.” I smile, pulling his face down to meet mine.

“Mommy.” Sophia says, coming into the room.

“Yeah, baby?” I ask, pulling away from Jax.

“We ran out of pie.” Sophia says, giggling and running back to the kitchen. “Uncle Chibs, will you help me with my homework?”

“Of course I will, Lassy.” Chibs replies, pulling her up into his lap.

“Thank you!” She says, getting it out of her backpack and setting it on the table.

“Ah, shapes.”

“Yeah, I have to name them. Please help.”

“Okay, we got this.” Chibs responds, going into an explanation about what they all are.

“I know this one! It’s a stop sign!”

“It’s called an octagon, lassy.”

“But it’s shaped like a stop sign! And this one,” She says pointing to the triangle, “is a boat sail.”

“These shapes are what they base those items on. The octagon has 8 sides just like an octopus has 8 legs. A triangle is the shape the boat sail is based on. Triangles have 3 sides.

“Really? So this 4 sided one isn’t a car?” Sophia asks.

“Nope, it’s a square.”

“But this other one has 4 sides too, but some are longer.” She sighs. “I don’t get this shit, Uncle Chibs.”

“Hey! Watch your mouth!” Chibs exclaims.

“I can’t see my mouth Uncle Chibs!”

“Touche.”

“Alright, Chibs, wanna stay for dinner or you got other plans?” I ask, coming into the kitchen.

“I’ll stay, help the girl with her shapes.”

“Appreciate it. Jax and I were going to go to the store. You good staying with her?” I ask.

“Yeah, looks like there’s some coloring in the other side, I can help her with that.”

“Any dessert requests, I was going to make chicken tetrazzini?”

“PIE!” Sophia squeales, cutting off Chibs.

“Pie, the lass took the words right outta my mouth.”

“Alright, we will be back soon. Any alcohol requests Chibs?”

“Whiskey, please lass.”

“Mommy, can I have alcohol too? I want whiskey too.” Sophia says, clapping her hands.

“No, you can’t have any. You are too young.” I laugh, kissing her head and kissing Chibs cheek.

“Jax, you ready?” I yell, going over to the fridge and adding whiskey and pie to our list.

“Yeah! Coming!” Jax replies, bounding down the stairs, Abel in his arms. “Someone decided to poop his pants.” Jax replies, tickling Abel’s tummy as he laughs.

“Did you poop on daddy?” I ask, laughing, pinching his little cheeks. He coos, reaching out for me.

“Okay, we will be back. Thanks for watching her Chibs.” Jax says, grabbing his Kutte from the coat rack.

“No problem, Jackie Boy.”

“Okay, we need to get chicken.” I say, looking over the list. Jax and I make our way to the meat department.

“How many pounds, baby?” Jax asks, looking over the chicken, Abel still in his arms.

“Umm, well, we are cooking for 5, get 3 pounds.” I reply, leaning over his shoulder.

“Jax?” A voice from behind us asks. We turn around, Jax’s jaw tightening, he clutches Abel a bit tighter.

“Wendy.” Jax growls.

“Wendy?” I ask, confused, before it clicks. I stare between the two, my mouth gaping, not really knowing what to say.

“Hi, you must be Ariana.” Wendy says, holding her hand out to me. I look to Jax, trying to figure out what to do, he continues to glare at her so she drops her hand. “He’s getting so big.”

“Yeah, he is, he’s healthy now, thanks to you.” Jax growls. Abel sensing the tension reaches out for me.

“Ma-ma.” Abel says, reaching out for me.

“Oh my god!” I exclaim, taking him from Jax as he continues to chant Mama, he buries his head in my neck when I take him. “He said his first word!”

“I can’t believe he said it!” Jax eclaims, completely forgetting about Wendy still standing there.  “I love you!”

“I love you too!” I laugh, hugging Abel a bit tighter. Wendy clears her throat.

“I’ll let you two be. Congratulations on his first words and the engagement. I wish you both the best.” Wendy says, turning to leave, tears in her eyes.

“I can’t believe that just happened!” Jax eclaims, pulling me in for  a kiss.

“I feel kind of bad that it happened in front of Wendy. She looked so upset.” I reply, pulling away from the kiss.

“Who cares, she doesn’t deserve to even see him.” Jax responds, his jaw tightening.

“She’s his mother Jax. No matter what happened.” I reply.

“You’re his mother, you are all he knows. He is better off without her. I’m glad he said that in front her, she needs to know someone else is taking better care of him than she ever could.” Jax says, grabbing my hand, leaning down to kiss me one more time. “Let’s get this shopping done and get home to Phia. We need chicken, right?”

“Yeah, 3 pounds.” I reply, looking in the direction Wendy disappeared to.

“We’re home!” I yell, carrying Abel in and sitting his carseat down, Jax trailing behind me with the groceries. “MOMMY!!!” Sophia yells, skidding into the kitchen. “You didn’t tell me Aunt Kelsey was coming to stay with us!”

“Surprise!” I yell, laughing. Kelsey comes trailing into the room talking to Chibs, once she spots me she runs over throwing herself at me.

“I’ve missed you!” She exclaims. I hug her back just as tight.

“I’ve missed you too! I’m so happy you are here!” I squeal, pulling apart she turns her attention to Jax.

“It’s nice to meet ya.” Jax says, holding out his hand, she smacks his hand away, laughing at the look on his face as she pulls him in for a hug.

“I’m a hugger, and it’s nice to finally meet you as well.” She pulls out of the hug. “The Scott wouldn’t let me in.”

“Sorry, Lass, can’t let strangers into the house.” Chibs laughs.

“Do I LOOK like a stranger now, Mr. Scotsman?”

“Well, after Sophia yelled your name and I recognized it, you didn’t.” Chibs laughs. Kelsey shakes her head, smile on her face as she notices Abel, looking up at her from his carseat.

“Oh my gosh! He’s so cute! You’re so cute. Yes you are.” Kelsey coos. Abel giggles, smiling up at her with a toothless smile.

“He said his first word today!” Jax exclaims

“I’m always a stranger with this one. I’m surprised she let me stay.” Kelsey says, turning toward me and cocking her head to one side. “I’m so proud of him!!! What was it?  Because Sophia’s first word was cookie, and I take credit for that. ”

“It was Mama!” Jax exclaims as Abel starts saying mama again.

“That’s so cute!” Kelsey gushes, tickling his little feet. “Can I hold him?”

“Of course.” Jax and I respond at the same time. Kelsey takes him out as he coos.

“It’s official, I want a baby now. I remember when Sophia was this little. Gah, I loved her so much, I still do!”

“I want a baby too!” Sophia yells running over to Kelsey.

“Well, have you and Tommy talked about having kids?”

“KELSEY! DON’T ENCOURAGE HER!” I yell, smacking her arm.

“All I’m saying is that maybe if Tommy isn’t a good dad, she should find out now and not later.”

“They are 6! I swear you and Jax act like they are adults already!”

“You didn’t play mom and dad when you were 6?” Kelsey asks.

“No! I played guns.” I reply.

“I did too. With my brother. He hated me. Probably because he could never find me, hiding in the bush and taking him out.” Kelsey said, with tears coming to her eyes.

“Hey, no sad talk, missy.” I respond, shaking my finger at her.

“I just miss him. He was my best friend, Ari.”

“Soph, why don’t you go play.” I say, pointing to the living room.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything in front of her. I wasn’t thinking.” Kelsey said, handing Abel back and wiping her tears.

“It’s fine, babe. The anniversary is coming up. I understand.” I reply, handing Abel off to Jax and pulling her into a hug.

“Tuesday. It should’ve been me, Ari. He wanted me, and Bobby just put himself in front of me.”

“Hey, shut that shit up right now! You know that isn’t true. Bobby made that choice because he loved you. Don’t ever say that it should have been you. He made his decision.”

“Tell that to my dad. He thinks I did it, I made him get in front of me. I wanted him to live, I tried to save him.” She cries.

“I know, babe, your dad is a fucking cunt. Now, cheer up and we will talk about this later! I know a little miss who is super excited you are here.” I reply, wiping her tears.

“Can I go wipe my face, I don’t think Sophia needs to be asking questions?”

“Bathroom is down the hall and to the left.” I reply.

“Thank you, Ari. You’re my best friend.” Kelsey says, giving me a hug and walking down the hall.

“Mommy, what happened to Aunt Kelsey’s brother?”  

“Nothing that you need to worry about doll, so go play!” I shoo her off.

“Is he on vacation?”

“Sophia. I said go play.”

“I want to know why aunt Kelsey was crying.”

“Sophia! GO PLAY OR YOU WILL GO TO YOUR ROOM!”

“Stop being mean!” Sophia yells, running to her room.

“Don’t yell at your mother!” Jax yells after her.

“What did I miss?” Kelsey says, coming back into the room.

“Sophia not listening.” I sigh, moving to unload to groceries.

“Can I go talk to her?”

“Not right now. She’s in trouble.” I reply.

“Ari, please? Remember when she was little and wouldn’t talk to you, so you made me do it?”

“No! Geeze can anyone around here listen to anything I say!” I yell.

“I can leave if that would make your life easier.” Kelsey yells back.

“Oh god not the guilt trip BS. I’ll be in our room, Jax.” I reply, pushing my way past them and going upstairs.

“Fine, bye.” Kelsey says, picking up her keys and walking out the door.

“Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.” I snap, continuing up the stairs.

“Shit. What do I do?” Jax asks Chibs looking between the two directions the two women went.

“I’ll go talk to Kelsey.” Chibs says, walking out the door.

“Ari, can I come in?” Jax asks, knocking on the door.

“I don’t know, can you Jax? You live here too, don't you? I snap at him.

“Hey, don’t get an attitude with me missy.” Jax responds, holding his hands up and joining me on the bed.

“I’m sorry, Jax. I forgot about it being this close to her brothers death. Did she leave yet?”

“Chibs went to talk to her.”

“I need to apologize. I just get so mad, everyone always undermines everything I say or argues with me. I’m so sick of it.”

“Baby, she helped raise Sophia years ago, she was probably just trying to help.”

“I don’t care if she is trying to help. I said no and she should have left it at that. I’m Sophia’s mother, what I say goes.”

“I agree, but you did snap at Sophia without much warning.”

“Sophia needs to stop back talking.”

“You didn’t have to snap at Kelsey either.”

“If you are going to take her side then get out. I need some time alone.”

“I’m not taking anyone’s side here babe. But it sounds like she’s leaving, if you want to apologize, you might be missing your chance.

“Let her leave.” I snap.

“She’s your best friend, you really want it to end like this? Jax asks.

“No, what I really want is her to not undermine me but she always does it. This little spat isn’t going to end our friendship.”

“Do you know that? Are you sure?”

“Yes, no doubt in my mind.”

“I’m gonna go talk to Chibs, see what he found out.”

“Go.” I wave him off, tucking myself into the cover, content to just stay here the rest of the night.

“Hey.” Chibs says when Jax gets downstairs.

“Did she leave?”

“Yes. She said have Ariana call her when she isn’t being an insufferable cunt. Her words not mine.” Chibs laughs. “What did Ariana say?”

“That I might be the one making dinner, and in that case, we are having cereal.”

“We can wash it down with whiskey. Should we go get Sophia?”

“No, leave it to Ariana. She feels like everyone always undermines her authority when it comes to raising Sophia. If we let her out of the room, Ari is gonna be pissed at me, and I want to get laid.” Jax laughs.

“What kind o’ cereal do ya got, Jackie Boy?”

“Cookie crunch, Cheerios, Corn Flakes, Cap’n Crunch, Cocoa Puffs, and I’m not sure what else.”

“I’ll take the Cocoa Puffs.” Chibs says.

“I ain’t your maid. I’ll get the milk, you get the cereal.” Jax laughs.

“I’m just saying, there may not be any left. I’ve only had pie today.”

“Eh, Sophia is the only one that eats it.”

“I’ll buy more.” Chibs says.

“Don’t worry about it man, Sophia is getting tired of it. You can finish it.” Jax replies, sitting the milk on the table.

“Thanks, Jackie.” Chibs says, opening the box and pouring milk into the bag.

“Wanna watch TV?” Jax asks, pouring his bowl of Cookie Crunch.

“Got the good shows? Crime shows?” Chibs asks.

“Probably.” Jax responds, grabbing glasses for the whiskey.

“Good. Once ya get hooked, it’s hard to stop.”

“Ari watches serial killer shows. She loves the ID channel.”

“Me too! Ya got it? On your box thing with the shows?”

“If we didn’t she’d kill me.” Jax laughs.

“I’d help.” Chibs laughs.

“Wanna watch the Killer Kids one?” Jax asks, sitting on the couch, grabbing the remote.

“There’s a new one out about Ted Bundy.”

“Ted Bundy it is.” Jax responds, looking through the channels.

“I told you, a good one.” Chibs says once it ends.

“But he killed all those people.”

“Yeah, but his story is cool.” Chibs responds, drinking the rest of his glass.

“Didn’t he have kids?” Jax asks. “I couldn’t imagine having kids and killing people for a living.”

“Me ‘either, Jackie.”

“I’m gonna go check on Ari, will you check on Sophia? Just make sure she’s still okay in there.”

“Aye.”

“Thanks, brother.” Jax says, carrying Abel up to his room.

“Hey babe,” Jax says, walking into our room. “I fed Chibs, but Sophia was still in her room. How do you want to handle that?”

“I don’t care. You can handle it.” I respond, waving him off.

“Baby, don’t be like this. I thought about what you said, and you were right, I do undermine you, and I’m sorry. What do you want to do about Sophia?”

“She needs to be grounded. She needs to stop back talking and throwing a fit.”

“You need to eat, darlin’.” Jax says, sitting down next to me.

“Not hungry.”

“You can fool other people, but not me. Now get your cute ass downstairs and eat something.”

“Fine, wanna smoke a joint with me? I need to relax.” I reply.

“Should Sophia eat too?” Jax asks

“Yes. You get her food and then come get me. If I see her, she is going to act like an ass, and I don’t want to yell at her again.”

“I’ll have Chibs do it, we can go out on the balcony and light it up.” Jax responds, standing up and making his way to the door.

“Great, I get to roll, you can’t roll for shit.”

“Okay, you roll some and I’ll go talk to Chibs. Save some for him.” Jax replies.

“I don’t know, maybe.” I reply in a teasing tone.

“We just won’t tell him we are going to smoke. I need to go talk to Sophia and let her know she’s grounded.”

“Good plan. Jax, she’s never been grounded. Explain what that means. Tell her that she can’t see you at work for a week, no TV, no hanging out with Tommy, and in bed by 7 for the week.”

“I’ll let her know.” Jax replies, shutting the door.

“Jax, I rolled 3.” I say as he walks back in. “How’d it go with Sophia?”

“She threw another fit. I told her I’d add on another week and if she didn’t stop with the fits. She then proceeded to throw another one, so now she’s grounded for 2 weeks. I went ahead and fed her because she wouldn’t stop screaming, and I didn’t want to put Chibs through that. I sent him on home, and Sophia is in bed. I don’t know what her deal has been lately.” Jax responds, taking off his shirt and unbuttoning his pants.

“Why are you stripping?” I ask, laughing.

“Because I want to.”

“Maybe I want to as well?”

“Do it.” Jax laughs. “The kids are in bed so we can walk around the house naked if we wanted to.”

“Maybe I will walk around the house naked.” I laugh, getting up off the bed and taking Jax’s shirt off, leaving me in just my panties.

“Let’s light that.” Jax says, pointing to the joints I left on the desk.

“Outside. We don’t want the house to smell like weed.” I laugh, making my way to the balcony.

“You are going out topless?” Jax asks. “You’re going to be cold, what if someone sees you?”

“Well, I guess you better come on and keep me warm.” I laugh, lighting the joint and taking a long drag. Jax plops down on the patio chair and pulls me into his lap.

“What do you think Sophia’s issue is lately?” Jax asks, taking the joint from me and taking a long hit.

“I think it’s that she is finally comfortable enough to know that if she acts up she isn’t going to be beaten or locked in the bathroom.”

“Well, it’s good that she is feeling more comfortable, but she needs to stop with the fits.” Jax laughs.

“I know, she’s been doing this to me every day. When I took her with me to the store the other day, she literally threw a fit and starting hitting me and throwing herself down because I wouldn’t let her get a toy. I had Phil take her out to the car because she wouldn’t calm down. I can’t deal with her attitude anymore. She does it more when you aren’t around. That’s why I snapped at her.” I say, taking the joint from him.

“We need to have a talk with her about her fits. She shouldn’t be treating you like that.”

“I know Jax. This is just the most stability she’s had in a while.”

“Nothing is going to change about that but she needs to stop treating you like shit.” Jax says, taking a drag before putting out the completely smoked joint, reaching out to get another and lighting it.

“She’s never gonna believe that. The reason we moved around so much was because when people started to see the bruises Darren would leave we would have to move. I know she shouldn’t act like this, Jax, but I’m scared she’s gonna think we have to leave again.”

“We just need to keep telling her that she isn’t going anywhere.”

“She’s 6, Jax. She freaked out starting full day school because she thought we were going to leave her and not come back.”

“And by instilling that she isn’t going anywhere we will help her.”

“You’re right. I just hope I didn’t fuck her up. I think we need to start punishing her more too. She needs to learn she can’t act like an asshole and expect to not get in trouble.”

“There’s only so much we can do babe, she’s 6. And I’m not about to try taking Hank away from her again. I grabbed him because he was about to fall, she looked like she was about to punch me.”

“I’m not saying we need to take Hank. I’m saying that we need to punish her consistently so that she doesn’t think we are going to keep giving in.” I say, puffing on the joint.

“I agree. I also think you should call Kelsey, see if she’s okay. She seemed pretty upset.”

“We’ve already been texting Jax. She’s fine. She went to Chibs. I think something is going to happen there!” I laugh.

“He let a girl in his place without him? That’s never happened before.” Jax exclaim, his eyes wide.

“Yep. Apparently when they went outside he was really sweet and told her should couldn’t drive that far with it being dark and her being upset, so he gave her his key and the address.”

“He’s right though.”

“He needs somebody Jax, you can tell he’s down. I see the way he looks at us when we are all together as a family, he’s sad. I think that has something to do with why he always wants to stay as late as possible.”

“You think he wants a family?” Jax asks

“Yes, I do. He loves kids and he doesn’t get to see his daughter.”

“He told you about his daughter?” Jax asks incredulously.

“Yes, and about Jimmy O.”

“He hasn’t even fully told me the story. Do you hang out without telling me?”

“It’s because Sophia asked about his scars and when she fell asleep he told me the full story. And yeah, we hangout a lot. He goes to the store with me, we get coffee, and when Gemma has Abel and Sophia we get actual drinks.”

“I thought Phil went to the store with you?” Jax asks.

“He does when I have Sophia, but I normally go with Chibs during the day when I just have Abel. We have fun together.”

“He’s spending more time with my old lady than I am.”

“Maybe Kelsey can keep him company, and you can keep me company more during the day.” I wink at him.

“I think can find some good ways to keep you company while Abel is napping.” Jax smirks, biting my neck.

“Is that so? If I’d known that I could just call you and get laid I would have been doing it more often. You’ve been slackin’.” I laugh, lighting up the last joint.

“Oh baby, if you ever want laid call me or just show up and make me go to the dorm with you. I like it when you’re demanding.” Jax purrs.

“Well, can I call you now?” I ask innocence on my face.

“No, you gotta get some food in you first. Can’t have you wasting away.” Jax laughs at the crestfallen look on my face.

“Trust me missing a few meals will be good for me.” I murmur, making a move to get up.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jax asks, kissing my neck and wrapping his arms tighter around me stopping me from getting up.

“It means that I’m fat and I can stand to lose a couple pounds.” I laugh.

“Baby, you aren’t fat. You are gorgeous and I fucking love your curves. Literally feel me, I’m hard as fuck.” Jax laughs, thrusting his hips up a bit.

“I can.” I reply, grinding down on him with a smile.

“You want the D you gotta eat.”

“Well, then get your ass up and come eat an omelet with me.”

“You’re making omelets.” Jax asks, standing up with me in his arms.

“Did you want something else?”

“No, I fucking love your omelets!” Jax exclaims, rushing back into our bedroom and towards the door.

“So does you stomach. I swear you could eat 7.”

“You betchya.” Jax laughs.

“I need a shirt, Jax.”

“No you don’t, remember we can walk around naked because the kids are sleeping. Plus, nudity is alright. Gotta teach the kids to be okay with their bodies.”

“What if they wake up, you can’t keep your ass quiet.”

“They aren’t going to get up and if they do oh well. We are wearing underwear.”

“True. Take me to the kitchen peasant.” I laugh. He sits me down before turning away from me and squatting down.

“Hop on.” Jax says, glancing over his shoulder at me.

“Yes! I love piggyback rides!” I laugh, wrapping my legs tightly around him.

“You and Sophia both.”

“Fuck yeah! Go!” I laugh.

“What is it Sophia says?”

“Onward, Noble Steed!”

“You taught her that shit, I remember you saying that to  me and Opie all the time when we gave you piggyback rides.” Jax laughs.

“You loved it then, and you love it now.”

“Fuck yeah I do!” He replies, running to the stairs.

Taglist:  @jadert15 @gemini0410 @dawntaeworkman @stylesismyhubs @spnhollis @melissataggart87 @jaxteller87 @hismissharley13 @rahdaleigh @chrmdnbeautiful @innerpaperexpertcloud @emmaveale123

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

1: Name

Sarah

2: Age

23

3: Fears

Everything, I have anxiety

4: 3 things I love

Dogs, weird movies, sunsets over water

5: 4 turns on

Long hair, facial piercings, good sense of humor, back muscles

6: 4 turns off

Poor hygiene, rude to service workers, adults who are still obsessed with Disney to the point where they make it a personality trait, Trump supporters (or the equivalent in other countries)

7: My best friend

@wanderingwondererofthings

8: Sexual orientation

Bi? I think? IDK not straight tho

9: My best first date

I’ve only ever been on one date in my life and the dude ghosted me afterward which turned out to be a blessing bc it was not a good time in my life to try to start a relationship

10: How tall am I

5′2″

11: What do I miss

Mental stability

12: What time were I born

3:45 am or thereabouts

13: Favourite color

black

14: Do I have a crush

celebrity crushes but I don’t really count those

15: Favourite quote

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

16: Favourite place

bundled up under a heap of blankets by myself in a dark room with good snacks and a good book/movie

17: Favourite food

chocolate

18: Do I use sarcasm

do i

19: What am I listening to right now

my housemate doing laundry

20: First thing I notice in new person

what they’re wearing

21: Shoe size

womens 7

22: Eye color

brown

23: Hair color

brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

love that goth shit

25: Ever done a prank call?

not that i can remember

26: Meaning behind my URL

adam darski’s true form

27: Favourite movie

Ink (2009) dir. jamin winans

28: Favourite song

UHHHHHHHHHHH

29: Favourite band

Eluveitie

30: How I feel right now

like shit lol

31: Someone I love

My friends

32: My current relationship status

single

33: My relationship with my parents

it’s good and i’m very grateful

34: Favourite holiday

the day after halloween when all the candy goes on sale

35: Tattoos and piercing I have

none

36: Tattoos and piercings I want

seriously considering getting my eyebrow pierced soon. if I ever cut my hair short i’ll pierce my ears

37: The reason I joined Tumblr

to follow an art blog that made amazing JTHM fan art

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

what ex

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yeah from my mom

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

yeah it was my mom

41: When did I last hold hands?

yesterday with my grandma

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

takes me well over an hour to actually get up but then like 3o minutes tops

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

no

44: Where am I right now?

in my room

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

i’ve never been that drunk because i hate hangovers

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

reasonable level unless i’m at a concert

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

not anymore

48: Am I excited for anything?

sexy eggman is coming to san francisco

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

no

50: How often do I wear a fake smile?

basically whenever i have to talk to strangers

51: When was the last time I hugged someone?

yesterday

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

my mom is allowed to kiss other people it’s okay

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i don’t think so?

54: What is something I disliked about today?

i’m tired of being tired

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

my soulmate

56: What do I think about most?

spirals of existential dread

57: What’s my strangest talent?

I have no talents lol

58: Do I have any strange phobias?

going down stairs. i’m fine going up them but going down them freaks me out

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

depends on my mood and whether or not i’m ugly that day

60: What was the last lie I told?

“I’m okay”

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

In person or don’t fucking talk to me

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes

63: Do I believe in magic?

idk. i believe there’s things that happen that we can’t explain yet so maybe that’s magic

64: Do I believe in luck?

i believe in good chances

65: What’s the weather like right now?

dark

66: What was the last book I’ve read?

The Habitation of the Blessed by Catherynne Valente

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

yes as long as i don’t have a headache or stomachache

68: Do I have any nicknames?

just dumb shit my mom calls me

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

worst acute injury was the time i tripped onto an outdoor heater in kindergarten and burned the shit out of my hand. i also have a stress fracture in my spine that will never heal from gymnastics but that happened over a matter of years

70: Do I spend money or save it?

i try to save but i spend a little too much

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

with a tongue? yes. with my tongue? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

my fluffy pillow

73: Favourite animal?

take a wild fucking guess

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

trying unsuccessfully to sleep

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

Columbus

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

That Time of the Month by Harley Poe

77: How can you win my heart?

be a dog

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

ceci n’est pas un corps

79: What is my favorite word?

sussuration or cathedral

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

this is the internet equivalent of the judgment of paris

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

eat the rich

82: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not currently

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

shapeshifting bitch

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

i’ll say anything on the internet i don’t give a shit

85: What is my current desktop picture?

86: Had sex?

no

87: Bought condoms?

no

88: Gotten pregnant?

no

89: Failed a class?

yeah, fuck ochem

90: Kissed a boy?

no

91: Kissed a girl?

 no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

no

93: Had job?

i’ve got one right now

94: Left the house without my wallet?

yeah lol

95: Bullied someone on the internet?

no

96: Had sex in public?

no

97: Played on a sports team?

i ran track for a couple years as a kid

98: Smoked weed?

yup

99: Did drugs?

no

100: Smoked cigarettes?

ew no

101: Drank alcohol?

yuppers

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

no

103: Been overweight?

no

104: Been underweight?

yes

105: Been to a wedding?

yes

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

only 5?

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

only 5??

108: Been outside my home country?

yes

109: Gotten my heart broken?

yes but not romantically

110: Been to a professional sports game?

many

111: Broken a bone?

nope

112: Cut myself?

not on purpose

113: Been to prom?

yeah and it sucked and i wish i hadn’t gone

114: Been in airplane?

yes

115: Fly by helicopter?

no but I want to

116: What concerts have I been to?

a multitude

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yeah lol

118: Learned another language?

can I give this one a half a yes?

119: Wore make up?

yup

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

no

121: Had oral sex?

no

122: Dyed my hair?

yes

123: Voted in a presidential election?

yes

124: Rode in an ambulance?

no

125: Had a surgery?

do wisdom teeth count?

126: Met someone famous?

yup, holla atcha doug jones

127: Stalked someone on a social network?

no, i don’t care that much

128: Peed outside?

who hasn’t?

129: Been fishing?

no

130: Helped with charity?

i’ve donated some money

131: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah but a) I never actually asked him out, b) we were 12, and c) turns out he’s gay so like i’m not made about it

132: Broken a mirror?

no

133: What do I want for birthday?

a new laptop

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

why would i want kids

135: Was I named after anyone?

my great uncle and great grandmother

136: Do I like my handwriting?

i have no opinion on it

137: What was my favourite toy as a child?

legos or something similar you can build with

138: Favourite Tv Show?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

139: Where do I want to live when older?

somewhere near the ocean

140: Play any musical instrument?

i wish

141: One of my scars, how did I get it?

i only have acne scars and those are pretty self-explanatory

142: Favourite pizza toping?

sausage, bell pepper, and onion

143: Am I afraid of the dark?

no

144: Am I afraid of heights?

sometimes

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

no, i’m a good girl

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end

yeah, FUCK OCHEM

147: What I’m really bad at

being a functioning human adult person

148: What my greatest achievments are

not killing myself in college

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

idk man i get upset by everything even when it’s not mean

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

pay off my friends’ and family’s debts, set aside a big chunk of money for grad school, maybe get my own place depending on how much is left

151: What do I like about myself

i have nice hair

152: My closest Tumblr friend

idk

153: Something I fantasise about

what don’t i fantasize about

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?

hey demons come and get y’all juice

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #213

"there's a voice in my head, says i'm better off dead, but if i sing along a little fucking louder to a happy song, i'll be all right."

Are there popsicles in your freezer right now? No. Ice cream? No. Is there a lamp in your bedroom? Well, two heat lamps for Kaiju and Venus. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Last time you ate a salad? Yikes, it's been a long time... Can you name 2 books of the Bible? Uhhh Luke and Revelations? Do people usually think your brother is handsome? I don't know, I haven't lived with him since I was a kid, and he doesn't live in my state. So we don't know the same people. Have you ever crawled thru a vent? Not to my memory. Are there toothpicks in your kitchen? They're in the bathroom. How many living grandparents do you have? One. Do you eat more than 3 meals a day? No; I don't even always have three. Do you know how old your house is? I believe it was made in the '70s. Do you think you have great potential for success? Meh. Have you applied any lipstick, chapstick, gloss, etc to your lips today? No. Would you rather have tan or pale skin color? Pale. Sometimes I hate it, but I like it more overall. Especially when you're a goth at heart know what I'm sayin'. Last time you entered a high school? Probably my sister's graduation. Last time you rode a bike? It's been years, dude. Probably not since high school. Do you drink your water from the tap? You couldn't pay me to. Our water is technically clean, we've had it tested, but dead serious, the hot water smells like rotten eggs. I'm pretty sure Mom said it's something about the salt content in the pipes. But nevertheless, mind over matter would nooot work. Is there any kind of design on your socks? I'm not wearing socks. Have you ever had an ice cream cake for your birthday? No, I'm not a fan. Do you use dryer sheets? Yes. Do you like Subway? Yeah. What was your worst mistake in your life? Letting a guy become god, the entire universe, and more to me. Is this year the best year of your life? Oh, hunny- Is there someone in your life you wish you never met? I don't think so. Did you sleep well last night? I never do. I always wake up at least once. What’s the last song you heard? "Happy Song" by Bring Me The Horizon is on repeat. What is your favorite line from a TV show? I don't have a clue. Any current family issues? No. Who is the last friend you spent time with outside of school? Summer and I talked for a while at my niece's b-day party a few days back. What do you think of your mother? Your father? Your siblings (if there are any)? I love them. There's one sister I don't know so can't really say anything on her, then I do have another sister who, if I can assume via Facebook interactions, can't be too fond of me. But I could be mistaken with my habit of said assuming... Who/What is one person/thing that had the biggest impact on your life? Who: Jason. What: my mental health. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? How isolated I am and void of purpose I feel. What is one band that you find yourself going back to again and again? You mean like, stop liking but then get back into? None, I think. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender as you? Yes. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender as you? Yes. Do you and your dad get along? Yes. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Idk. Can you see your purse right now? Yes. Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? No. Are there products in your hair? No. Have you ever eaten cat food? I don't think so, though I wouldn't be surprised as a kid. How many pets do you have? Six. Do you actually like them? All but my sister's dog. I can't stand him. Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? My girlfriend. Do you wear skirts a lot? I never do. I hate my legs. Do you basically live in jeans? I have zero jeans. Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Not really; if I'm not in pjs, I'm usually in dance or yoga pants. How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? Zero. Do you like hoodies? Yeah. Big ones or the form fitting kind? Bigger ones. Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? I think I did. Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? I go back and forth, lol. But no, I have regrets. Do you love your computer? It's got a few issues, but yeah. Do friends or family come first? Family of the heart, anyway. Us sharing blood doesn't mean shit to me, honestly. What’s your lucky number? I don't believe in "lucky" numbers. Who were the last 5 people you spoke to? I'll include via technology because otherwise I have no clue. Mom, Sara, Emma, and two women interested in adopting Kaiju. Do you have the same password for everything? No. Do you get shy around the person you like? Sometimes. What color is your phone? Dark navy. Do you prefer pens or pencils? Pencils. Do you like peanut butter? Yes. If you could live forever, would you? Hell no. Do you talk in your sleep? A lot. What was the last thing you regretted? Probably depression binge-eating something. Are you any good at cutting hair? Never tried. Do you like your yearbook picture this year? N/A What was the last YouTube video to make you laugh? Ummm there was something last night, but idr what. Do you like tomatoes? No. Do you have a pool? I wish. How would you describe your style? Too poor and lazy to be a goth so dresses in whatever is at the top of my drawer tbh lmao. Do you still talk to any of your exes? One. Have you ever been arrested? No. What was the last thing you watched on TV? I don't watch TV by my own volition anymore and there's not even a TV in my room, so... I really don't know. Do you have a tan? Even the Irish are ashamed of me. What was your most embarrassing moment? Who knows. I'm so easily humiliated and affected by it that I can remember times I've been even remotely embarrassed as far back as pre-k. Do you fall for people fast? No. Do you tell your parents everything? No. Are you quick to judge? Depends. Not generally. When was the last time you crawled through a window? I have zero clue. Are you scared of spiders? Most, yes. What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant? Have a full-blown panic attack despite that being physically impossible. Do you plan on moving within the next year? It'd be nice, but I estimate it'll be around two more years. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Hm. A few, since the parking area behind the house is decently-sized. Are you taller than your mom? No. Are you a cuddler? Yes. Sleep on your back or stomach? My stomach/upper torso kinda to the side. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? I don't remember. Though I know I was mad recently. How long has it been since you had sex? Almost four years. Who was the last person to call you babe? Sara. Last reason you went to the ER? My sister got in a car wreck. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yeah. When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's been maaaany months. What facial cleanser do you use? Biore. Do you use a blowdryer? No. If someone wanted to know what you smelt like, what should they smell? Dogs and cats lmao. Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? No. For that one week a month, do you hate being a woman? Still rather be a woman. Favorite underwear brand? Idk. Last thing you bought at the mall? A book. Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. What if an ex asked to be back in your life? Aaron: We've never had issues, we just drifted apart. It'd be weird for him to ask that, but I mean, sure? Juan: I don't know. Probably not. Jason: I REALLY don't know. We could probably be friends at a distance. Tyler: No, I think. Girt: He's still in my life. If you’re on a laptop, how much charge does it have right now? It's charging and only tells me the minutes until it's at full charge. Last gift you received? I don't know. Lesson you recently learned? I absolutely cannot work in a busy environment. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Probably ketchup. What is a field of study that is of your interest? Zoology. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Thinking too hard on what the appropriate amount of eye contact is. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah. What time of day do you feel mostly at peace? Morning. How has the weather been treating you lately? It's way too fucking hot and humid. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? We've had numerous cats be hit by cars. It was always sad, but I mean, I got through it. Especially as I was just a kid and didn't quite fathom how serious death was, nor did any cats I was SUPER attached to die that way. What can you go a day without doing? Going outside. What can’t you go a day without doing? Using some form of technology. Talking to Sara. Who do you spend most of your time with? No one. I'm usually alone. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? A caring heart. Have you ever eaten a zucchini? A fried one that was sliced into chips. What type of art would you hang up in your room? Dark art or fandom-related stuff. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Oreos omggggg. What fruit is too sweet to you? None, I think? How much money did your last vacation cost? I don't even remember my last vacation. Have you ever taken a physics class? Yeah. What are your thoughts on celebrity idolization and ‘fangirling/fanboying?’ Oh boy, I can't talk shit here for obvious reasons lmao. What is the messiest area in your home? I'm not sure... I haven't been in my sister's old room in forever, and I can't remember if it's empty or not. If it is empty - hell, even if it isn't -, the answer's probably the laundry room. Who was the last person you called? My mom. What’s your favorite computer game genre? Horror is my favorite game genre period. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Well, Mom had mixed feelings about Juan, but so did I. She didn't not like him, though. Do you take public transportation to work? N/A. Public transport doesn't even come here. What extracurricular activities did you do when you were growing up? Soccer for one season (I hated it), softball, basketball, briefly cheerleading, and dance. Has anything unusual happened to you recently? Idk. I don't think so. Do you like chicken korma? I have no clue what that is. What was the last type of tea you drank? I never drink tea; I hate it. Have you ever been severely mentally ill? Yes. Where is the most interesting place you could go that’s within day-trip distance from your house? Stealing previous answer: Washington D.C. Do you ever rearrange your furniture? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? Lol I'm still financially dependent on them. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I am an extremely fast eater. I'm not messy or anything, I just, eat how I feel is normal? Just chew until you've done so enough to swallow. What room(s) of your house did you last vacuum? Mine. How old were you when you had your first relationship? My first "real" relationship started at 15. I had a middle school bf for just like... a month or so, but that was all puppy-dog love. Why did your last relationship end? I verified that I didn't like him romantically, and I also found I was just too guarded. In our four months of dating, I got no closer to him than I was from the start. I wasn't ready to date a guy again. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? No idea. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Do you live in a high cost-of-living area? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Do you ever feel like someone would be disappointed to see your body or are you comfortable with your body enough where you don’t think that? I fucking hate my body and I'm sure anyone else would too. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I don't like Monster. Do you follow your head or your heart? Both, I guess. It depends. How do you act under pressure? Did somebody say PANIC?!?!?!?! Do you ever call people just to hear the sound of their voice? No. Do you ever look back at your yearbooks? No. It'd probably depress me. Have you ever ran from the police? No. Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Ha ha yeah, back as a kid... Are you double jointed? No. Who was the last person to yell at you? Mom. What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? My first stuffed meerkat I named after Zaphod from MM. Or my moose Brownie. Do you have any trophies? Somewhere. Do you work out? No. What grade are you in? I’m not in school. Do you like screamo music? No. Let me hear words, please. If I learn the lyrics, I can /sometimes/ enjoy the song, though. What does your wallet look like? It's rectangular with a Harley Quinn design. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. Is weed a drug? *Technically*, by definition, yes Who’s the first person you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on? Mom or Sara. Would you cheat on someone for revenge? Or if they wouldn’t find out? No, that's fucking stupid. If you got pregnant right now, would you keep the baby? If I was, God forbid, raped, I don't think I could. If I had unprotected sex willingly, I truly think pregnancy would traumatize me, but I'd probably go through with it and put it up for adoption. I'd want to take responsibility for my actions. Does your family have a secret? No. Are you prejudice against any groups of people? No. If someone gave you a houseplant, would you keep it? Yeah, to be nice. That fella wouldn't live long, though. When/where are you most likely to sing? In the car. Are there any exercises that you do regularly? I'm trying to get in the habit of planking every day since it works out your whole body. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? HELL YES!!!! If you had a son right now, what would you name him? Probably Damien. Who names their son after a Markiplier character? Me. But real talk, I like the name. Do you own a desktop or a laptop? A laptop. Have you kissed more than three guys this year? I haven't kissed any guys. Who’s with you? Mom's on the couch outside my door. Can you use chopsticks? I highly doubt it, especially because I have tremors. When did you last go to an amusement park? Oh, wow. I actually think this was shortly before Jason and I broke up. So 2015. Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? Don't you fucking dare joke about rape, retardation, suicide, or self-harm. What would you do if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both females. We can't. Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? I don't have any of my exes' numbers, so I'd answer it and say "hello?". Are any of your texts in your inbox locked? A couple from Sara. If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard, could you still type? Yes; I don't look at the keyboard when I type. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Twice now. Do you currently have a scar? I have a lot. Have you ever seen somebody get shot? No. You have $5 and need to buy snacks at a petrol station. What do you buy? I mean, it depends on what I'm up for. Usually Reese's or something sour. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be? Probably a dolphin. What do you order most off the internet? Clothes. Describe the last time you were injured? So I have this awful habit of tearing my fingernails when they get long, and I peeled it way too short. Rock concert or symphony? Y'all know I'm picking rock. What is the wallpaper of your mobile phone? Mark and Chica, and my home screen is Sara and me. Most recent movie you’ve watched at the cinema? Detective Pikachu. Name an actor/actress you’ve had the hots for? Jason Momoa. My straight side is certainly still there, friends. What’s your favorite kind of cake? Red velvet. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Have you ever done ballet? No. Do you listen to classical music? No. Do you watch Spongebob? I don't watch TV period. Do people consider you intelligent? Those in my life seem stuck on high school me, when I was really smart. I don't think I am anymore. What curse word do you use the most? "Fuck," oops. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? Well yeah, I'm probably gonna BE that person one day, lmao. What’s the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? It's impossible to mispronounce my name... The only thing that sometimes happens is my name is misspelled.

[watchingspn-blog]

spn rewatch | the woman in white (pilot)

Okay so I can safely say I’ve seen the pilot episode at least half a dozen times, if not more. I got season one on DVD for my 14th birthday (which I 100% binged with my BFF at the time to the point where we were beyond exhausted for my actual birthday festivities the next day) and would watch over and over in the days before Netflix. So for me the first couple of seasons are way more familiar to me than the later seasons. Especially since at some point after I started college when I didn’t have as easy access to television and streaming services weren’t quite what they are today I fell off the bandwagon. Pretty much everything I know about the show from mid-season eight onwards comes from gif sets on Tumblr and the occasional Facebook posts. Which brings me to this rewatch/first time viewing. 

It’s easily been at least three or four years since I’ve watched the pilot but it’s still so familiar to me which I feel like says a lot for the show. Or just says that I was way too obsessed with this show as a teenager. But anyway, here we go.

First of all, I don’t know about anyone else but I’m honestly a little weirded out by seeing JDM looking younger and not having a beard. Like it’s strange to me and I don’t know how to feel about it and I’m glad this is the only scene where he looks like this. The beard does him wonders in all walks of life and I’m glad it’s a look he’s stuck with in just about everything he’s in these days. (Also you can totally see one of JDM’s tattoos under the sleeve of his t-shirt and it just makes me want to headcanon John with a couple tattoos from his time in the service despite looking so clean cut when they have the flashbacks with Matt Cohen.)

Secondly, I want to know when they came up with the backstory that Mary was a hunter and came from a family of hunters and that she’d been in that life before she settled down with John. Because I feel like if that backstory had been mapped out before the pilot her reactions when she woke up to the baby monitor would be more suspicious. But that could also be me just being too picky. Like it’s totally valid that Mary, just waking up didn’t pick up on the static or the flickering lights. I just want to know if they’d had her history in mind when this started or if that came up later once they’d developed the story and characters more. 

Okay, so I don’t have any major attachments to Jess, mainly because we just don’t spend enough time with her. She’s got a whole three (?) scenes where she’s mostly delegated to the supportive girlfriend who’s also over-sexualized. Like they seriously chose to introduce a female character and have all of her outfits be revealing to the point where other characters are commenting on it before killing her. Like I have no issues with female characters wearing whatever the fuck they want, there’s nothing wrong with that. But it wasn’t given any more depth than “here’s this sexual object for our audience to look at” and that’s what bugs me. But I am glad that they showed her being genuinely concerned when Sam is packing like wanting to make sure he’s okay and make sure he’s not doing something reckless for people who’ve actively avoided being in his life over the last few years. She’s incredibly supportive of Sam and it makes me happy that he had that in his life even if I do hate that it was taken away in a horribly gruesome way.

Adrianne Palicki is just ridiculously talented and deserves way more recognition than she’s gotten over the years. 

Now, I’m gonna be real. I was a Dean girl from the get go. I loved me a smartass bad boy when I was thirteen and I was head over heels for Jensen Ackles from the first time I saw this show (probably because I’d never seen him anything else before but I already knew Jared as Dean from Gilmore Girls who wasn’t my favorite as a middle schooler). It also probably doesn’t hurt that I saw an episode of season two as my first intro to the show instead of the pilot. Because honestly, watching his first scene as a 26 year old, he doesn’t come off in the best light. Between breaking into Sam’s apartment, their whole tussle in the dark living room, and then him hitting on Jess right in front of Sam, he’s kind of an ass. Which yes, Dean is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. All of these characters are fucked up, especially after fourteen seasons and counting. But this just doesn’t line up with how Dean is in the rest of season one even, I feel like. 

Like Dean telling Jess that she’s way out of Sam’s league is one thing. I expect nothing less from him. But then him just being creepy and ogling her is just uncomfortable to watch now. 

Also the lighting budget for the entire first season is just horrendous. It’s like they wanted to show that they were scary and edgy but really it just meant I couldn’t make out what was happening in any scene that didn’t take place in broad daylight. 

Okay, on to the spooks. Having a woman in white for the first MOTW (monster of the week) was kind of cool to me because it was something I actually knew about before the show, thanks to reading any and every book on ghosts my school library had to offer. And Sarah Shahi is super gorgeous. Like hot damn. And as cheesy as some of the effects are in the earlier episodes, I actually like the way that she kind of flickers in and out along the side of the road as Troy’s driving up and then the way you don’t actually see her in the passenger seat when it shows her getting in. None of the effects are too crazy over the top (at least not until the very end of the episode when she finally goes home and has that weird as fuck death scene with her creepy kids) and it works.

As a thirteen year old, I thought it was totally believable that Sam and Dean could be US marshals and the local cops were just being jerks. As a twenty-six year old, the idea that those two could pass as any kind of law enforcement other than like maybe a couple of rookie cops is ridiculous. I’m the same age that Dean was at the start of the show and I’ve got people assuming I’m still in high school. I couldn’t get past the crime scene tape for anything. But I guess if you’re confident enough and tall enough, anything’s possible. Also as if they didn’t already look hella conspicuous, they act like a couple of five year olds with all their stomping and smacking, like no wonder the cops were suspicious. 

Also can we take a moment to appreciate the awesome mid-2000s goth look Amy and her friend are rocking? Because it’s fantastic and I’m here for it. Also kudos to them for being the only women to make it to the end of the episode alive. 

I never really thought about it when I was younger but it’s not surprising that Sam isn’t as gung ho about hunting down the demon that killed Mary like John and Dean are. His memories of Mary are entirely built on stories and pictures and not from anything he actually remembers himself. And like it’s totally valid for him to want to get away from the hunter lifestyle and follow a different path instead of just killing monsters and running credit card scams for the rest of his life. 

All I can think about when they break into the room John was renting is that gif of Charlie from Always Sunny with all the papers and strings on the walls. 

One of the better aspects of Supernatural, in my opinion, are the actors they get to randomly guest star on the show. And not necessarily big names (although those can be fun) but like the ones that you’ve never seen anywhere else. Because the guy who plays Joseph Welch is fantastic in his one scene on screen. There’s so much emotion there as he’s talking about a clearly sensitive subject and being able to show the grief and also some of the guilt over being unfaithful. It’s a fantastic scene so like major shoutout to Steve Railsback for being awesome.

The whole showdown with Constance’s ghost is kind of like mediocre compared to future fights. Like it’s a pretty quick scene and the effects once they actually get her to the house to face her creepy children are kind of the worst. Like they used their whole special effects budget doing that flickering thing in her first scene and had to settle for this instead. Also like yes they stopped her and she won’t be able to kidnap and kill skeezy men in the future but like I feel kind of bad for Amy and Troy’s family because they’re just left with zero closure whatsoever. Like I never thought about it but there are a lot of people over the years where it’s like yes we stopped the monster but those families never actually know what happened to their loved ones. 

Okay, I get that it’s supposed to be a serious, intense scene, and the first time I saw it - yes it was shocking and heartbreaking and terrifying but the effects for Jess’s appearance on the ceiling are just bad. She doesn’t look like a person, she looks like a mannequin. And I’m still annoyed that they brought her in and showed how much her and Sam loved and cared for each other only to kill her horribly at the end of the episode. It’s just frustrating. And honestly this should’ve warned all of us that pretty much no female character is safe on this show. None of them. 

The “we’ve got work to do” at the end is still hella iconic. Like there’s a couple of lines that still give me that little excitement I got when I first watched it and that’s one of them. I love it. 

BODY COUNT: 3 humans (Mary Winchester, Troy Squire, Jessica Moore), 1 ghost (Constance Welch - do her kids count too? They didn’t really show up until was time for Constance to like melt into the floor all creepy like)

RATING: 7/10 - the effects are kind of garbage and there’s some stuff that hasn’t aged well but I still think this is one of the better pilots I’ve seen as far as getting you hooked into the story and characters. 

[thewritingstar]

98 that’s a lot of questions I wonder if you could answer them all 🤔🙃

*Deep sigh and putting my hands together* BOI IF YOU DON’T THINK I CAN ANSWER ALL THESE BITCHES!! YOU COME INTO MY ASK BOX AND TELL ME “i WONDER” HOE DON’T WONDER ANYMORE. 

don’t come for me like this anon.....here ya go. 

smh

i answered all of these and it took forever so yall better read this shit

enjoy bitch

--

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

-Mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

-both im a sugar addict

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

-bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

-prob either really quiet or really loud

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

-I hate soda

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

-I really like pastel and goth styles

7. earbuds or headphones?

-earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

-Both

9. favorite smell in the summer?

-Vanilla

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

-Flag Football (stealing the flags) and badminton

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

-dont really eat in the mornings but prob granola bar or left overs

12. name of your favorite playlist?

-Shower lol

13. lanyard or key ring?

-lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

-Sour gummi worms..that shit is CRACK

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

-Great Gatsby

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

-apple sauce or on one leg

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

-all black converse

18. ideal weather?

-warm and sunny

19. sleeping position?

-stomach, side, in a ball

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

-Laptop or phone

21. obsession from childhood?

-My little pony, littlest pet shop, Disney, elephants, Chinese food

22. role model?

-Tara Strong, Walt Disney, Francis Dominic 

23. strange habits?

-tugging my hair, biting my nails, wiggling on my heels like a penguin and going up stairs on all fours (when im home)

24. favorite crystal?

-answered

25. first song you remember hearing?

-American idiot- Green Day

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

-Eat 

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

-Eat

28. five songs to describe you?

-idk Cartoon theme songs lol

29. best way to bond with you?

-make me laugh or talk about disney

30. places that you find sacred?

-Flower gardens

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

-anything with my high heel boots

32. top five favorite vines?

-Road Work Ahead, Oh my god he on X Game mode, What the Fuck Richard, This house is fucking nightmare!, Happy one year babe! Im 27. 

33. most used phrase in your phone?

-YEET, Yall and bitch

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

-Stanley Steamer, The First5California.com song 

35. average time you fall asleep?

-now its 12 am -1 am... use to be like 10pm

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

-oh god that was so long ago i dont even know but it was one of the first ones like pepe or some some

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

-suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

-raspberry ice tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

-dont like lemon in my desserts 

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

-A condom was thrown on my desk in french class (it was unopened thank god)

41. last person you texted?

-my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

-Jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

-HOODIE

44. favorite scent for soap?

-Vanilla or tropical

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

-Superhero

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

-Big shirt and no shorts (underwear obvi)

47. favorite type of cheese?

-I fucking hate cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

-Strawberry or Lemon

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

-Its always fun to do the impossible- Walt Disney

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

-For my birthday my friend got my a “Sorry for your loss” card and i cried for 30 mins

51. current stresses?

-um everything..college and being the only snacc in my household

52. favorite font?

-comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

-Still have both of them

54. what did you learn from your first job?

-That people are assholes 

55. favorite fairy tale?

-Disneys Rapunzel 

56. favorite tradition?

- My grandma got all the grandkids pjs on Christmas eve every year and we would wear them to sleep 

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

-Anxiety, Depression (sorta), Dropping my churro on the ground at Disneyland

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

-Quick Wit, Art abilities?, Standing on my head and making weird ass noises

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

-Already answered

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

-A really cool and cute magical one!!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

-From Once Upon A Time, honestly they ave the best quotes. “So when I win your heart, Emma- and i will win it-it will not be because of any trickery, but because you want me”- Killian orrrrrrr He smells like forest”- Regina

62. seven characters you relate to?

-Juvia (FairyTail), Star (SVTFOE), Mabel (Gravity Falls), Maybec (Kingdom Keepers, sassy and artistic), Bubbles and Blossom (PPG) and Belle (beauty and the beast)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

-Boyfriend: BTR, Dancings not a crime: Panic!, Bang bang: Jessie, Ari and Nicki, Read you, wrote you: Drag race lol and Busted from Phineas and Ferb because I can

64. favorite website from your childhood?

-Webkinz, PetPetPark (STILL SALTY ABOUT IT) Club Penguin, Build a bear, Poptropica, i played every game yall

65. any permanent scars?

-only emotionally 

66. favorite flower(s)?

-Roses and water lilies..and every flower cause they pretty.. oh Dahlias too

67. good luck charms?

-petting my dogs. 

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

-Mango anything or Cherry. I hate cherry flavoring. 

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

-I have a great memory so i usually remember how i learned it, but.. Did you know that the water on the Jungle Cruise in Disneyland is 3 feet deep and dyed brown? Plus the water in all the parks is a special mix that doesn't contain chlorine because alot of people are allergic so its safe to touch? (learn from a disney doc)

70. left or right handed?

-right

71. least favorite pattern?

-those ugly ones on leggings.

72. worst subject?

-Math or english (haha and i like to write)

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

-Grapes and teriyaki sauce. if they on the plate. ill just dip them in. I have an addiction to teriyaki sauce. 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

-I dont take any unless I have my period and my cramps are usually at a 10 so i try and take it when they at a 5

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

-when i was young 

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

-I LOVE potatos: Fries and mash are best plus baked. I HATE chips thou

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

-Any bright flower or ivy

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

-coffee, dont like sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

-AHHHH my license is soooooo bad. I had strips of red in my hair (got it when i was 15-16) and i didnt know they took your pic at your permit test. Its awful. School is def better and my senior photo pops. 

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

-Jewel

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

-Fireflys (arent they the same?)

82. pc or console?

-Console 

83. writing or drawing?

-Both but im better at writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

-Podcasts but I dont listen to alot. 

84. barbie or polly pocket?

-I played more with Littlest Pet Shop and My Little Pony lol (i have 400) prob Barbie thou

85. fairy tales or mythology?

-oooooooofffff cant decide

86. cookies or cupcakes?

-oooooff i love both but cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

-wasting my life away.....or heights...certain bugs

88. your greatest wish?

-to be happy and have all my dreams (life, job, romance,etc) happen. Plus going to every Disney Park in the world.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

-Depends on the situation but sometimes you need to take care of yourself before others. If you arent doing good, how the hell you suppose to take care of others. 

90. luckiest mistake?

-hmmm idk being born

91. boxes or bags?

-depends on what im carrying but prob bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

-I love fairy lights

93. nicknames?

-any mispronunciation of my name, Dean, Big D (yes people call me this), Star, Sassafras and some more that yall dont get to know :) You can give me a nickname if ya want

94. favorite season?

-Spring and Summer

95. favorite app on your phone?

-Tumblr, Snapchat, Tsum Tsum 

96. desktop background?

- Its items from super mario and mario kart

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

- Eight

98. favorite historical era?

-oof im a history buff but I do love Greek and Roman because I love mythology...Maybe even 1800s.

hi if you got to the end of this then I love you and for proof leave me a 🐰

[fishy12233]

Chronicles of Sturgia

Prologue Part 1: “The Garbled Gossip”

In order for a story to make sense, the reader must know who the main characters are. After all, the main characters are the ones who drive the story. Imagine a middle school cafeteria, bustling with chatter, like a theater before the show. The cafeteria is bright and cheery with its checkered floor and artistic walls. Hundreds of children are chattering at once, some talking about the newest member in a famous band; others are talking about mysterious rumors of aliens, but everyone knows rumors like that are only real in comic books and movies. The chatter continues, an endless garble of noise. Anyone in the cafeteria can see a variety of different students. Six girls walking by while wearing coordinated outfits, a typical guy surrounded by his strange friends, a girl who chooses to doodle on her tablet by herself. However, none of them are our main characters.

As lunch begins, a girl sits down at an empty table with her lunch. Her name is Maddie, and she is the first of our six main characters. She wears a school uniform in a school that doesn’t require school uniforms and has a poppy in her hair. Her eyes are dark, mysterious, and a little sleepy, though her left eye is partially covered by her one-sided bangs. Maddie prefers to spend her time reading spooky novels or playing spooky video games. Her lunch is chopped beef with a slice of devil’s food cake on the side. Maddie isn’t the one who talks very much at her table, but when discussing her interests, she takes full control of the conversation. During an everyday conversation, Maddie is the type of person who tends to listen and observe. This is great for Maddie since she always knows exactly what type of gifts to give her friends on their birthdays.

The chatter continues. Sometimes, when you listen closely, you can listen in on gossip. This can tell someone a lot about what others think of them. Gossip isn’t always the best form of entertainment. But passing students continue to eavesdrop nonetheless.

“Did you see Maddie? She’s so elegant and graceful!”

“She’s like everyone’s big sister. They shouldn’t need to be so dependant on her! She acts like some concerned mom sometimes.”

“But she’s a total goth too! Have you seen her clothes? She looks like she came right out of boarding school! I bet that she’s secretly a witch or something.”

The children continue with their daily routine. The coordinated girls eat healthy salads. A nerdy girl talks to her friends, making sassy remarks with a deadpan voice. Meanwhile, a bratty kid is playing pranks on other people. But none of them are our main characters.

A second girl sits down to eat with Maddie. Her name is Susan. She’s Maddie’s little sister and her total opposite. Susan wears a purple A-line dress with pink flowers on it and keeps a white lily in her hair. She also wears black stockings and flowery shoes. Her eyes are bright, happy, and excited. Susan loves cute things, especially cute things from Japan. She likes doing things like watching cute anime or buying cute plushies. Susan makes her own Japanese bento lunch, complete with octopus sausages and onigiri. But sometimes, Susan decides to go all out and create a cute and elaborate bento lunch with cute characters and a large variety of food. When Susan first saw how cute bento boxes could be, her eyes sparkled with awe. She saved up her allowance so that she could buy her own genuine bento box. Her friends always love her bento box designs and ask her if she could make lunch for them. Susan is extroverted, which in this case means she loves to talk, but is overly dependant on others and sometimes comes off as rude and annoying. Anyone who calls Susan annoying isn’t her friend. During an everyday conversation, Susan is the type of person who gets distracted by her surroundings and always carries the conversation. Susan truly cares about her friends, but always forgets things like their birthdays. Fortunately, she has her sister Maddie to help her remember.

The garbled gossip goes on and on. Everyone wonders what people think of them. They get self-conscious and anxious just thinking about it. Gossip is always behind one's back, but it’s not always well hidden.

“Have you seen Susan? OMG! She’s soooo cute!”

“She may be cute, but she’s annoying. Why can’t she just leave us alone? She should just go back to relying on her sister for everything.”

“She’s also a total weeb! Susan is so into anime and cutesy stuff, it’s sickening! Also also, she totally copied my style!”

While the peanut gallery rambled on, the kids kept eating their lunch. One of the coordinated girls finishes eating and walks over to another table to talk to her other friends. A snarky girl who looks rather similar to Susan gossips and acts as if the leader of her group, even though she’s not. Meanwhile, two sisters and their friend talk about the latest horror movies. But none of them are our main characters.

A third kid sits at the table with the sisters. This time, the kid is a boy named Peter. He wears a propeller hat and a shirt with a smiley face and blue-and-yellow-striped sleeves. Peter also wears a heavy backpack, filled with a ton of schoolwork, his lunch, a bunch of colorful yo-yos, some robot parts from the robotics club, and a huge album of trading cards. His eyes are simple, yet optimistic and determined. Peter likes geeky things like robots and trading cards. He always has the coolest toys. His favorite food is ground beef and rice with ketchup that his mom makes for him. During lunch, he also likes to have a grilled cheese and pizza bagels alongside the beef to share with friends. Peter and his friends love to trade and share their lunches. Peter is outgoing and friendly but sometimes is too distracted with building robots to talk. During an everyday conversation, Peter is cool with listening to others talk, but he can easily carry a conversation if needed. People like talking to him because conversations with him are never boring.

The students continue to talk incessantly. Not everyone who talks with friends is a gossip. Sadly, many girls tend to be labeled as gossips just for being outgoing. The saying, “It takes one to know one,” definitely rings true here.

“Peter’s kind of cute. He looks really cool with his gadgets and toys!”

“Are you kidding me? Peter’s a DWEEB!”

“Geez, shut up! Takes one to know one, dweeb.”

Lunch continues on. The coordinated girl and one of her friends decide to do their friend’s hair in wacky hairstyles. A cooler girl sits with the snarky girl that looks like Susan and chat about other people. The bratty kid gets into an argument with some other students. But none of them are our main characters.

A girl named Lisa, the fourth friend, sits at the lunch table. She wears a large tie-dye shirt and worn bell-bottoms. Lisa wears way too many bracelets and keeps her curly dyed hair up in two large pigtails with scrunchies. Her eyes have more makeup than her friends’, which makes them look more flashy. Lisa likes doing fun things like having parties and playing dolls. She likes playing dress-up and usually likes having sleepovers with Peter. Sometimes, Peter and Lisa would play shovelware games and laugh at them during their sleepovers.

Lisa always likes to sneak candy into her lunch, which usually has fun, bizarre food. She always trades food with Peter. Lisa is chatty but very kind, even to people who don’t like her. During an everyday conversation, Lisa is usually the one to start it. She always talks about the latest trends, but Lisa always gets bored from running out of things that she wants to talk about. Lisa knows that people think she’s a girly gossip, but she really wants to get rid of that view people have on her so that she can live a more free life.

The chatter continues. Some people don’t really care about gossip. They’re the smart ones, ignoring others’ opinions and focusing on being themselves. Like a stone wall, harsh words don’t get through to them. But even a stone wall wears down over time.

“You know Lisa right? That weird girl with the flashy accessories?”

“Yeah, what’s her deal anyway? Who’s she tryin’ to impress?”

“I heard that it’s Peter, they always hang out together. What losers!”

Lunch continues, but there are still some students waiting in line for their food. The sister of the girl with the wacky hairstyle writes in her journal while listening to emotional music. While the girl who looks like Susan continues to gossip, the true leader of her friend group sits quietly. She writes poetry and hums a familiar song. The girl with the tablet continues to sit alone and draw in peace. But none of these students are our main characters.

A fifth student sits with Maddie, Susan, Peter, and Lisa. She is carrying a tray piled with food along with her lunch box. Her name is Annie, and she’s wearing a faux raccoon tail hat and a worn plaid shirt with worn jeans. Annie’s eyes are stern but friendly. She’s a tough girl who loves camping and tasty food. Her dad has taken her out hiking and fishing countless times. She’ll eat anything for lunch. She loves meat, and is always down for eating out. Annie’s eyes are much larger than her stomach. This always results in Annie leaving lunch too full and having lots of leftovers to give to her friends. But she doesn’t really mind. Annie volunteers at the local food bank every day, which gives her the opportunity to donate any extra food that she’s gathered during lunch. From time to time, Annie’s friends also volunteer at the food bank. Annie is strong and motivating, but can be insensitive at times. During an everyday conversation, Annie always finds a way to brighten someone’s day. She tends to rush through life, but her friends help her to slow down and appreciate the world around her more.

Almost everyone has settled down to eat. Many students have already finished their lunch. But the chatter is louder than ever. In the end, others’ opinions don’t matter. But even still, when a person spends too much time taunting people and belittling friendship, they get annoying. People start ignoring them and getting bored of them. Sometimes, one has to wonder if that person turned out well.

“Do you know Annie?”

“Yeah, she’s that tomboy. What’s her deal?”

“She can be so insensitive, giving false motivation. What a hypocrite.”

Lunch begins to close. Students are finishing their food and packing up. The coordinated girls reunite and begin heading back to class. The strange friends of the regular guy begin finishing up, but still chatter. Everyone else, including the bratty kid and the artistic girl, throw out their trash and begin to leave. But none of them are our main characters.

Before lunch begins to end, one last person sits with his friends. He arrives at the table with Annie. His name was Chris. Chris is considered a nerd. He wears large glasses, a bowtie with a school uniform, and has his hair slicked back. Chris is shorter than his friends. He’s a studious kid who loves reading and math. Chris was the last to join his friend group. When he first joined, he was apprehensive. He was too scared to ask them to let him join their group. But what he wanted more than anything else was to have a group of friends he could be a part of. He simply needed to build up his courage. His lunch normally consists of hard boiled eggs, tuna, and salty crackers. Chris is kind, but is also shy and awkward. During an everyday conversation, Chris is the type of person who listens, but really wants to speak. He may be shy, but he has his friends to take care of him and help him become more social.

The cafeteria is almost empty, but the chatter still lingers. The students walk back to class, yet our six main characters still remain, being the last ones to pack up and leave. In the end, gossip doesn't matter. Only your own actions matter. In the future, things may get better. Sometimes, it doesn't get better. The best we can do is make the best of it. But we must also strive to improve our lives for the better.

“You know Chris, right?”

“Who?”

“The kid who always follows Annie around. He's like her minion or something.”

“Oh yeah, the egghead! He just, like, doesn't stand out to me a lot.”

Finally, everyone leaves, heading back to class and taking their noisy chatter with them. The garbled gossip fades away, leaving the cafeteria empty. But just because lunch is over doesn’t mean that the story is. A show always begins on an empty stage. Just like a play, the story is only just beginning...

[rivetgoth]

for the askmeme: odd numbers! (if it's too much you can skip some!)

OOH THANK YOU OMG it’s not too much I love never shutting up about music trust me

1: Favorite band?

Skinny Puppy of course lol. I don’t know who or where I’d be without that band and everything it means to me and everything it’s done for me. I know y’all all know I love it already but I can’t stress enough my love for this band and every single thing about it.

3: What's a band/artist you loved as a child but can barely listen to now?

HMMM My childhood relationship to music is weird. As a kid I didn’t listen to much music of my own accord and I thought that all music sounded like whatever you heard on a Christian rock radio station. The few bands I did get to hear that were actually good I still have warm feelings for (Elton John, Tom Petty, & Cat Stevens come to mind). That being said I apparently had a phase as a really little kid where I loved ABBA but I’m really not not a fan now lol.

5: Are you going to any gigs soon?

Oh HELL YES I HAVE VIP TICKETS TO COLD WAVES CHICAGO IN SEPTEMBER I’ll be seein ohGr, Cocksure, Lead Into Gold, Chemlab, Frontline Assembly, and more I’M SO EXCITED.

9: A song that gets you through shit?

Ggdhhdhdh I just realized there’s no 7 in this ask meme lol. ANYWAY the honest answer here would just be almost any ohGr song because nothing helps more than hearing my dad sing, but another big one that comes to mind in particular is “Witness,” which is a heartbreaking song to me that I frequently desperately need to hear.

11: A song you'd have sex to?

I wanna be fucked to some hardcore industrial hell music. How bout Revolting Cocks’ Stainless Steel Providers. Also Cuntboy by KMFDM, and Rash Reflection by Skinny Puppy? I’m sorry class.

13: A song for when you're lonely?

I love Boy George’s “I’ll Tumble 4 Ya” for lonelier nights, it’s so upbeat and George sounds so happy in it, I feel like he’s there with me telling me to be happy.

15: A song to jam out to at 4AM?

SOMETHING DURAN DURAN. Or maybe Soft Cell.

17: A song that punches you in the gut every single time?

Hmm, Skinny Puppy’s Amnesia, the distorted part always really really gets to me for some reason, although I could write a whole thinkpiece on The Process and how painful that whole album is for me to listen to for so many reasons. On a different note, Psychic TV’s I Love You, I Know.

19: If you had to pick one song to represent what you're feeling right now, what would it be?

Uhhhh Nine Inch Nails Wish.

21: A song that makes you feel alive?

Impossible question, I only listen to music that makes me feel dead. But actually after some thinking prolly traGek by ohGr, the single version, since the ending/second half is just so lively and fun and exciting and it just makes me so happy for Ogre if that makes sense..?

23: What are some lyrics you love to pieces?

Oh god there’s so many I couldn’t ever list them all. Some of my favorite song lyrics of all time include Mutiny In Heaven by The Birthday Party, You and Me and Rainbows by Tear Garden, Kiss by London After Midnight, Promise by Violent Femmes, Everyday is Halloween by Ministry, Goneja and The Choke by Skinny Puppy, Cracker by ohGr, Genocide Peroxide by Boy George... Some of my all time favorite single lyrics include “Everything disastrous is pure” from ohGr’s Bellew and “We’re broken wings but still we’ll fly” from Tear Garden’s You and Me and Rainbows... But I seriously could never list them all. God.

25: What's a band/artist you'd addict your children to from an early age?

My hypothetical nonexistent kids WOULD know and love Skinny Puppy. Have em singing Deep Down Trauma Hounds in their diapers. Glass Houses as a lullaby every night. =}

27: Has a band/artist ever inspired you to do something?

I literally can’t even begin to go into detail with this one; not to sound edgy and stupid but my entire life has been shaped by my favorite musicians and I swear to god every decision I make somehow reflects them so like yes in the hugest possible way ever absolutely.

29: What was your favorite band/artist when you were 12?

OGGDHDHD FUTRET AND LAPFOX LMAO

31: What's your favorite genre?

Just. Take A Wild Guess.

33: Do you sing?

Can I? Yes. Should I? Prolly not.

37: Do you prefer buying physical copies of albums or do you download them on the internet?

Skipping 35 since I already answered it. Anyway, I do enjoy owning physical copies of things, but in general I tend to just download em, since I like listening to music on my phone and stuff anyway where a physical copy would be useless, and I’m a broke college student.

39: Do you play your music out loud or with headphones?

Headphones ggdhdhhd I don’t like disturbing others with my music and I like keeping to myself so I’m not gonna go around blasting my bullshit.

41: A song that gives you the chills?

Nine Inch Nails’ Starfuckers Inc. always gives me chills at the end lol. Also Everyday is Halloween by Ministry, I swear 2 god I almost had a breakdown the first time I heard it. Also Ogre’s shrieking in God’s Gift (Maggot)... I’m gayhhsgsgg

43: A band/artist with an amazing instrumental but really bad lyrics?

OKAY NO OFFENSE BUT I’M JUST GONNA SAY IT AL JOURGENSEN CAN’T WRITE LYRICS FOR SHIT AND I LOVE MINISTRY BUT LIKE THE LYRICS ARE SO BAD SOMETIMES. LIKE NOT ALWAYS BUT. NOT INFREQUENTLY.

45: A song you love to sing to yourself?

I love singing Lou Reed songs and I can play a lot of em on guitar so I’ll sing and play; my favorites are prolly off Transformer, like Andy’s Chest and Hangin’ Round!

47: A song that represents a deserted city at night?

O I love this question. It would depend on the mood. I think my first thought was something Joy Division or Velvet Underground. Or maybe something off of Skinny Puppy’s hanDover, like Ovirt.

49: An upbeat song with grim lyrics?

LMAO I think a lot of industrial could be categorized as this because so much of it is really dancy while the lyrics are a lot darker. Actually just a lot of the music I listen to in general is like this. An outlier from my usual taste that comes to mind is Elton John’s Crocodile Rock which I love, that song is so depressing but catchy and fun. Hmm thinking about it now a lot of 80s music does this too even if it’s not typical goth or industrial stuff. I love music I actually only listen to music that sounds fun but is actually depressing?

53: Do you listen to instrumental music?

Skipping 51 because I did it already. Anyway I do, but not as much as I like music with lyrics since the lyrics are one of my favorite parts of music. But I can’t listen to music with lyrics while studying or writing since I’m a bad multitasker so there is some instrumental music I adore (also. video game OSTs.)

55: A song about drugs?

Immediate thought was Skinny Puppy’s Spasmolytic or Velvet Underground’s Heroin.

57: A band/artist you're proud of?

Oh MANY, since I look up to my favorite artists and their stories so much. Two big ones are Nivek Ogre of course and then Marilyn as well. Ogre because of his entire story, how he started from so little with no experience or background and he’d lost so much and just wanted to do something he believed in and he struggled through so much and battled illness and injury and addiction and lost so much but still to this day continues to do what he does and work towards what he believes in and he’s kind and caring and so full of love. He’s just such a wonderful person and I wish I could be half as good as him. Marilyn (Peter Robinson) for similar reasons, he’s so willing to speak out for what he believes in and not let anyone control him or his identity, and he’s gone through so much and had to fight such a horrible bout of depression and I actually got into his music right before he started releasing his first new music in DECADES. And he just is so positive and seems like he’s doing so much better now and he worked to rid himself of his addictions and is so candid about his mental health struggle and I just admire that so much. He’s going through a rough time right now I hope he’s able to pull through it safely :(

59: A band/artist with a sick aesthetic?

SKINNY FREAKING PUPPY, but if I’m being honest any 80s goth bands are so good and all of them inspire me every single day with their aesthetics lol.

[calzonekestis]

@agent13: Jackie hasn’t been active in quite a while, but she’s always been kind to me and her blog has has A+ opinions and content. 

@ar-se-ne: IDEK how long I’ve been following Cristian, but he’s a really nice guy with whom I have similar interests. He’s also someone that I’ve kind of of been inspired by in some ways. I don’t want to get too personal information, but it involves introspection and self improvement and yeah. I’m proud of him. He should be proud of himself.

@chujo-hime: I remember like circa 2012-2013 I had a ~moment~ because the webmaster of FYBN followed me. Chujo always has quality content, and is someone I respect for being very genuine and respectful. If something’s drawn her ire or made her bitter, she has a reason for it, and can write a solid meta on why it’s bullshit. At the same time, she’s someone who I’ve looked to when I consider how to handle my own fandom disagreements. It’s not worth arguing with people on the internet, it’s never fun. So long as people enjoy what they enjoy? Stay in their lane and let others do the same? We can all get along~~~

@cimikat: Katie is another person who I don’t even remember following. I can’t really remember my tumblr experience before her, though? I can say without any hyperbole though that she’s probably the nicest person I’ve ever encountered on this website? Literally, I can’t think of a single time I’ve seen her be salty. Upset and disappointed, sure, but she doesn’t wallow in negativity the way some people do and have in the past. If she enjoys something, she’s enthusiastic about it. If she no longer enjoys it? You won’t see her b*tch about it. She’s just very upbeat.

@dazzledfirestar: Daz shares my love of certain villains (Sin and Crossbones) while fully recognizing they’re deplorable human beings. That’s just one of the more superficial reasons I respect her. She’s another person who’s also genuine, and whom by following I feel like I’ve actually learned a lot? And I actually like to learn. Ignorance isn’t always mean spirited, and in the past I’ll admit I’ve been an ignorant white boy. Not that I was prejudice, there was just a lot I was either blind to or unaware of.  I’ve learned a lot about Romani culture by following Daz. A lot of history, a lot about the struggles and persecution they still face to this day. I also learned lot about the LGBT community; which honestly was a big help when I was trying to figure out/accept my bisexuality.

@diaryofawriter: What do I even say about you? believe we met because we both RP’d in the same fandoms and enjoyed the same content. Comics, OUAT, Harry Potter, and Star Wars. She’s both listened to me flail or rant countless times, either feigning or expressing genuine interest… for that I’m truly appreciative. She’s also helped me when it comes to letting go of things that are no longer fun or enjoyable for me (OUAT) and focus on the things that do bring me joy. A role model in that sense. >.>

@diisnerd: Leah. Leah was someone I met though a mutual friend, and while they’re closer than I am with her… I let me just say I have so much fucking respect for Leah. She’s just a good, loyal, protective, and caring friend. We have a lot of the same interests, too. We don’t talk all that often about them, but when we do it’s always an enjoyable conversation.

@dreamimpcssiblethings: Kath. Jesus. You know how much you mean to me, I should hope. You’re one of my best friends. It’s not even that we like a lot of the same things (we do) but you’re just very hard not to like? You’re super intelligent, super passionate. Be it about fandom things, classic literature, or just life. If one good thing came out of the rise and fall of my OUAT fandom, it was meeting you. All the salt is worth it for knowing you~

@ilikethequiet: Ally was one of the first people I met in the OUAT fandom, via a mutual friend/aquiantence. She’s a wizard when it comes to making edits and graphics. She’s someone with whom I’ve been salty on many an occasion, and I lured her into the iZombie fandom with me when our favorite actors transitioned over to that show. She’s just a delight. She also somehow made an AU graphic for a trashy ~problematic~ hateship look classy? Real friends hunt down topless screencaps so they can make you smutty collages for your birthday.

@jjoelswatch: Sarah is one of the first people I can remember following on tumblr. She’s another person where I wouldn’t recognize my dash without her. I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but I really respect her. She’s just a good person, very down to Earth and very witty. We don’t talk that much, but it’s always very pleasant when we do? Sarah was the first one to reach out and respond when I came out as bi. I’m still not out to my family. When I posted that little confession, I didn’t know what to expect. I simultaneously cared and didn’t care how people responded. It was weird, because it was something I had tried to deny and rationalize for so long. It’s something that no one should even care about, but Sarah empathized and realized it was kind of a big deal for me? Her reassurance that I wasn’t alone, even in such a short and concise message meant a lot. She’s one of my favorite mutals tbh.

@kennyhoemega: Bethany is a Goth Goddess. I’m not just saying that because she demanded the best compliment. On a superficial level, she’s just really pretty?? Now that’s out of the way, let me tell you legitimate reasons why she’s one of my favorite people to follow. She’s got great taste in music, she loves Star Wars, dabbles in Marvel and Harry Potter. You see a theme here with people I follow. She just also tends to reblog really neat things unrelated to those? I’ve gotten into astrology because of her. It’s mostly her fault that I’ve started watching wrestling again, bc there’s nothing good on TV and her passion is contagious and the gifs she reblogs are wild. She also has the best tags out of anyone I follow, bar none. I don’t even know when I first followed her either, around 2012 or so, but I know that it was absolutely 100% Sarah’s fault. Thank you, Sarah. TBH the first time I remember interacting with Bethany was when I added a gif and sarcastic comment to one of her salty posts about people trying to woobify Brock Rumlow. The next day, I realized this was likely not the best way to make a first impression? Fortunately she assured me that she got it, and that we were cool. Which is a relief, because as I’ve told her (and IDK if she believes me) she’s probably one of the coolest people I follow? It’s come to light that neither of us are big talkers, so we don’t actually talk that much… but she’s really rad. IDK when it started but she’s consistently been in my tumblr crushes for ages. Lots of mutual reblogging, again, lots of respect. She’s witty and intelligent. That’s not butt-kissin’, I’ve seen her post about certain tests and looked them up out of curiosity and wow. Yeah. Bethany also has the longest compliment, so that should make her happy. There was something about my needing a nuclear bunker if she wasn’t on this list. She deserves it though, she’s another one of my faves.

@kittenspawn: Nichole is my unofficial big sister. I say that as someone who actually has a big sister. She messaged me in 2012 with questions about Bucky and Natasha, and from that point on she was screwed. She got me into Hellboy in turn, but I like to think I’ve thoroughly corrupted her and caused her to spend far too much money on certain things. Nichole is someone who I can go weeks without talking to, and yet we can fall right back into conversation as if we talked the night before. She’s been a terrible enabler over the years, but she’s also been there for me during some difficult times and when I’ve done very stupid and questionable things. I know she’ll say I’ve been there for her as well, but the scales are seriously tipped here. When I need advice, or when I need to talk to someone about something serious… she’s the person I go to. I can always count on her, and she’s pretty much family at this point.

@ohmygil: Gil. I think I found you through Davis? You’re just a very sensible person, and very rational about a lot of things. It’s refreshing to see that on the internet these days. You’re someone who I don’t think I’ve ever had a actual ‘discussion’ with, but I’m including you here because I really enjoy your presence on my dash. I stopped reading DC regularly with the New 52, and pretty much all my DC intake these days is absorbed through your blog. You also get points for liking Superman. Some people think he’s too powerful, or a big boy scout, and while I’ve never regularly collected his titles I am a fan.

@prof-anity: …You know, I was tempted to leave you off this list just to be a dick. Yours would be the longest entry, so I’m keeping it short because what is there to even say? How much needs to be said? Seven years ago you met a bitter teenage douchebag on a message board. You made the mistake of accepting his friendship when he reached out to you. You’ve stuck with me through highs and lows, man. It’s one of those relationships again, where we may not talk every day. We may not be up to date on the details and goings on in each other’s lives… but you said it yourself. Our friendship has been one of the best constants in the past seven years. A third of your life, btw. Isn’t that depressing? You are, truly, the best friend I have ever had. One day I’m going to meet you, hug you, and then insult you to your face. You’re truly a brother to me. I love you.

@readytocomply: Stef! Stef is a delight. Always pleasant, always fun. She’s also super creative? She makes great edits, great cosplays, and is just pretty damn great over all. Stef is another person who I try to model myself after when it comes to shipping things. Re: Multi-Shipping. Stef ships Steve and Bucky. I do not. Stef also ships Bucky and Natasha. Stef respects canon and appreciates Sharon Carter. All this may sound inane but I’m glad I didn’t meet Stef until I did, because 2013 Tim might have been a little asshole re his ships and missed out befriending a great person because of his own stubborness… that could cross into douchebaggery. Stef has quality content on her blog at all times. Sebastian Stan. Marvel. Star Wars. Mark Hamill.. Harry Potter. Tron. Just general film. Chicken nuggets. Stef is a quality person with a quality blog.

@rocktheholygrail: Dana is someone I met through the iZombie fandom, and she is another wizard. A gif wizard, who has too often indulged my requests or suggestions. She’s another person whose enthusiasm is contagious. I was able to convince her to watch the entirety of Prison Break (save the revival) in less than a month before it was taken off Netflix. I don’t think I ever apologized for that. Dana also is trash tho, bc like me, her favorite iZombie character is the trashiest. I say that tongue in cheek, at least the first part. It’s really been great though to have someone who recognize a character as both human and horrible, and who is capable of watching and enjoying them despite their being problematic. If this was another fandom, I’d expect to be judged or ostracized, but instead I’m enabled once again.

@swanmagic: Gia is another person who doesn’t post on tumblr much (at least her personal) these days, but I’m including her because she’s been one of my favorite RP partners for years and we still talk from time to time on twitter. She’s just a great writer, great person, great friend. She’s another person who has excellent (and varied) musical taste.

@thealbooty: I met Alberto through Davis. It’s another thing where I don’t remember the circumstances, there was just one day where suddenly Alberto was in my life. Alberto is just a good guy… and I just mean good. He’s pure. If Davis is Spongebob, I’m Squidward and Alberto is Patrick. Only not as dumb. We don’t talk as much these days which makes me sad, but I love him too. Back in the day the three of us used to have group Skype chats and watch movies together. There was one day when Davis couldn’t make it or wasn’t online, and he and I just watched Hellboy and chatted for a few hours. That’s when Alberto went from being a friend of a friend to my friend. I’m glad he’s my friend.

@thejazzdalek: Max is another person, like Gil, who I’ve never really had a discussion with? He’s followed me for ages though, both on tumblr and on twitter and I appreciate that. I don’t really know him that well after all this time, embarrassingly. He seems like a nice guy, though. Big into Doctor Who, OUAT, DC, Marvel, just sci-fi and fantasy in general.

@timelessmulder: Emily-Alice is someone who I’ve been mutuals with since like 2012 I think. I don’t even know if we’re in the same fandoms anymore, but we keep following each other regardless. Over the years we’ve discussed everything from OUAT to DC, and these days when we talk it’s mostly to pick apart The Flash. She’s someone who has been with me for ages though, and has seen things.

@uhohjonsnow: So Betty is one of the first friends I actually made on tumblr when I engaged in fandom? I was an obnoxious teenage white boy who thought he was straight and acted like it, and she tolerated me anyway. Again, she’s someone who was witness to a lot of nonsense. We really were dicks to each other, lmao. I adore her though, bc she really is sweet and laid back. We went for years without talking,not due to any falling out, but we just drifted apart. She actually took a year off tumblr and recently returned, and we reconnected. She also accidentally deleted her blog and started fresh, so um, go follow her!

@uminoko: We’ve been mutuals for like years, and she’s just a nice person? Again, that’s a pathetic compliment, but it is true. She’s also another individual who I feel I’ve learned from by following? Part of that has to due with her being a former civil rights lawyer, but beyond that she’s just yet another smarty pants who I don’t talk to that much. She also  messaged me privately when I came out, and made me laugh when I needed it. Also, she’s an actual Russian who is a fan of Black Widow and Winter Soldier.

@uncleclustersthirdbrain: Donnie. This might be a little weird, because Donnie and I only reconnected like two weeks ago after three years of not really talking to each other? Again, there’s no bad blood, and he deserves to be on here. I’ve actually known him for five years, we met through his girlfriend Morgan. Donnie’s another person who has seen things, re seen me at my worst. Most obnoxious, outspoken, salty, dickish… and so on. I’ve always sort of looked up to him, though? Back when 17 going on 18 year old Tim met him, there was a sort of ‘notice me sempai’ thing going on. He’s yet another person who is too cool for me. In spite of toolish tendencies, there were times when Donnie reached out to make sure I was okay when I was being dramatic and having anxiety attacks over damn comic books. It sounds ridiculous, and it was, but at the time comics were my escape and how I dealt with a lot of tough shit I was going through. I was invested. Heavily invested, to an unhealthy degree. He’s just a good person who cares about his friends, and people in general. He’s also a fucking brilliant writer, who just recently put out his first comic. So I’m going to use this as another excuse to pimp it for him. Not because he’s my friend, but because I’m a selfish bastard who wants to read more and wants you to give him money so he can make more. He makes no personal profit from it, all the money goes towards paying his artists and the production. I’ve pretty much walked away from buying monthly comics, but as I’ve told Donnie, this is one I would pull. The first issue of And The Hare had some of the best dialogue I’ve read in a comic in easily the last year. At least.

@xeleyan-tequila: I met Chelsea through the OUAT fandom, and like me she gave up on the show a long time ago. She’s another person I don’t really talk to that much these days, but she’s a lovely person with a lovely blog who posts a little bit of everything. There are personal details to our relationship I won’t get into bc it’s no one’s business, and though we’re still friendly we sort of fell out of touch. I enjoy following her though, and she’s a wonderful human being.

[nekoabi]

ALL 65

*cracks thumbs* Let’s do this!

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nah - I think… This question is hurting my brain…

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?Probably like a 1.25, so like a lil but not a lot.

3. The person you would never want to meet?The person who is to kill me, probs

4. What is your favorite word?Lousy is a nice word to say

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?Crab Apple Tree, because it is described as having an “irregular, rounded shape”

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?Ughhh… why am I awake so early…

7. What shirt are you wearing?My “All Hail the Glowcloud” shirt from the most recent WTNV tour

8. What do you label yourself as?Edgy

9. Bright room or dark room?Dark Room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?Thinking about sending my mum a birthday message, and talking with @illisienthar

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?Actually, my current age, 21 - I’m actually kinda enjoying life a little more

12. Who told you they loved you last?@illisienthar, I think

13. Your worst enemy?This one guy who I cannot stand the voice of and just his general demeanour gets on my last freaking nerve… also he was a racist piece of shit one time and he makes me uncomfortable… 

14. What is your current desktop picture?This gorgeous piece of artwork by ryky

15. Do you like someone?I mean, yeah… I kinda always do…

16. The last song you listened to?But It’s Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?Um… can I do a cop-out and say the next person who is about to die so that way I’m not really fully responsible for their death as they were about to die that second anyway????

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?Nigel Farage… but then that would mean a) getting near him and b) touching his person. I’ll go with… @seventhdisaster instead ;)

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?@seventhdisaster and he would do anything i told him to!

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)My hair, 100%, no thought needed lmao

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?Short, ginger, long hair, slight chub - I’d probably freak out and be like “what why”

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?I mean, I can fit my fist in my mouth? Does that count? #mypartytrick

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?I guess I’m pretty unique in that I’m seemingly afraid of almost everything… Whoops?

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.White Bread, Ketchup, Sliced Turkey Meat, Ready Salted Crisps. Boom. Sounds gross to some, fucking delicious m8s.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?Probably on stuff to make cosplay since I’m really in that mood rn.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?Australia, so I can see my good friend @alreadyentendu

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?Ummm… well, I don’t drink to the point of barely knowing anything about alcohol. If I could make a deal to get a lifetime supply of Irn Bru, then that would be my choice.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? #nodeathallowed

29. What is your favorite expletive?fuck - its so versatile 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?Laptop. Easy question.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?Oh boy, probably my horrendous experience singing at the local Waitrose back in year 11 where I fucking forgot all the words, forgot the entire song, had classmates all around me - both in the group that were singing and working at the store, and also my cousin around to hear it all… Ughhh, still can’t listen to What’s This? without dying inside…

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!Probs Norway, it’s really pretty and I really like it there (plz take me in @seventhdisaster @t2norway)

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?Am I heartless for wanting to pick my cat over my grandma? I would go with grandma tho, would make my dad very happy

34. What was your last dream about?Uhhh… the last one I can remember was a friend and myself being chased by police, me hiding in a house that i apparently lived in, being caught in there by my “mother” and being kicked out, sneaking back into the house, getting caught and being hidden by a “brother” and then being caught AGAIN by “mother”. Then the police come and search the room (for some reason) and they are expecting to find something incriminating about myself and find a drawer that is splattered with red paint or something and they think it’s blood and i try to prove my innocence and stuff, ends with me waking up in tears… I forgot some details, but you get the gist

35. Are you a good….showman?LMAOOOOO NOPE, at least I don’t think so… I can be alright once I get used to it, but most of the time I’m p. bad (excluding when i’m being a showman to hide how i really feel inside)

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?Not really “admitted”, but I did have to go in for a blood test once and that was horrendous

37. Have you ever built a snowman?Yeah, once… it wasn’t the prettiest, but it was fun!

38. What is the color of your socks?WHO NEEDS SOCKS?! but usually they’re multicoloured/patterned

39. What type of music do you like?I guess Alternative/Emo/Goth is the best label for it, anything that’s kinda heavy is good for me

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?Sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?I don’t like milkshakes… or milk in general… I know, I’m a freak

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)What’s a sport? 

43. Do you have any scars?I have a scar near the tip of my index finger where I cut myself with safety scissors during Sports Day once.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?Working with live Sound for performances or Stage Management, or propping

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?Probably be thinner without having to work for it

46. Are you reliable?I’d like to think I am, I do what I say I am going to most of the time - and usually a lil early, if I can

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?Am I still with The Internet Support Group?

48. Do you hold grudges?I can do, but it’s all relative and I do try to give people second chances - but I am likely to not forget what they did…

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?A Fox Cat!

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?Possibly discussions about death that I have with a fair amount of people

51. Are you a good liar?Probably… I’ve not been caught yet

52. How long could you go without talking?I’ve been a full day or so without talking before, and I could probably do longer - I’m gonna put myself at like 3 days, maybe

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?My fringe with the middle parting… Ughhhh

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?Once or twice in Cooking class.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?Haaaaaaaaa accents are not my thing at all!

56. What do you like on your toast?Nutella

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?A heart

58. What would be you dream car?One that works!!

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.I sing in the shower when I am alone in the house. As for unusual habits, I’ve been told it’s weird that I don’t face the shower.

60. Do you believe in aliens?Well, yeah… 

61. Do you often read your horoscope?When I see it, I’ll do it for a laugh

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?Ys are fun to write

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?Dragons! The crazy things that you can come up with for them, ahh! I love it!

64. What do you think about babies?Can be cute from a distance, not about to have any of my own!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. How u doin?I’m doing alright, had a decent day overall

[post-itpenny]

Story Time

So I decided to go ahead and post this. Enjoy and please feel free to comment or critique.

One-shot

Genre- Suspense

Warnings- Pennywise, Lovecraft references   

You had moved to Derry about a month ago and there were still stacks of boxes by the door, you had yet to get that fish tank you promised yourself as a birthday gift, and you had yet to have a single day of work that you did not come home complaining about.

You promised yourself that when you moved there was no way in the world you would go back to retail, ever. And the idea of being a barista at a small coffee shop sounded charming.

Not so much.

“I said a soy latte! S-O-Y! Did you not hear that?” The woman shouted across the counter at you. Her makeup wasn’t blended and her hair was held by enough hairspray to warrant caution near open flame. She had walked in wearing a threadbare leopard print jacket and a scowl that warned you of trouble ahead.

Well your gut never steered you wrong before.

Her latte (which you did put soy in) sat untouched on the counter as you forced your best ‘customer- service’ smile. “Don’t worry ma’am! I actually did put soy in your latte but had forgotten to write it on the cup. That was my mistake but the coffee is exactly as you ordered.”

The woman narrowed her eyes at you. “Oh no I know how you people work. You think I can’t taste the difference but guess what? I’m lactose intolerant! So I take one sip of this and I’ll be suing you all from the hospital! What do you say to that?”

“I would say that as someone who also has milk allergies I totally understand why you are worried but I promise you that I really did put soy in the latte as you asked. If it would make you feel better ma’am I’ll be happy to make you a new cup.”

So you did, which she then demanded a refund saying she should have her coffee for free since you tried to poison her, to which the manager came out and for once defended you. Which lead to the woman throwing her latte on the ground and stomping out the door. Which lead to your manager ordering you to clean up the mess with a warning that next time it was coming out of your paycheck.

Thanks boss.

That afternoon you found your feet dragging you to the small park near the coffee shop. It was a quiet little place with lots of trees and freshly painted benches. It had become an after work habit to come here to read. Since it was fall, this week’s choice had been of the spooky sort.

H.P. Lovecraft had always held a place in your heart ever since you had stumbled across him in the library back in high school. Though eerie, his writing was rather eloquent and you were such a sucker for a little mystery.

Plus, it earned you cool points with the goths, who scared the living daylights out of the three preps that liked to tease you for your braces.

Your Lovecraft collection was a small, but thick copy with a simple black cover. A gift from an aunt who swore you and her were Romanian gypsies in a past life. It was a well- loved thing as shown by dog-eared pages and the broken spine. Today’s choice was The Colour Out of Space which you had read about 5 times but it was still a great mystery.

You had just gotten to the part where they first introduce the well when the color red appeared in your vision. It was a balloon.

You looked up and saw a little kid, maybe 7 or 8 years old. With a face full of freckles and a missing tooth when he smiled, his knees were covered in band aids and a bike laid on the ground forgotten behind him.

“What ya reading?” He asked.

“Well,” you responded, “its kind of a scary story.”

“Cool! What’s it about?”

“I don’t know… I doubt your mom wants you talking to strangers, or hearing scary stories from them.”

“I’m not scared! I wasn’t scared of the clown that gave me a balloon, and he was creepy looking!”

“Clown?”

“There’s this clown giving away red balloons and he’s creepy looking.”

“All clowns are creepy looking.” You replied before snorting with laughter at the memory of the time a friend had punched a clown at a Scottish Games.

In the end the kid sat at your feet, pulling at the grass as you read the story out loud to him. He was a good listener, only interrupting occasionally to ask questions. When you finished you both stood up.

“So the thing was an alien? But it was just color, or was it light?”

“I’ve always thought of it being both but yeah it was an alien.”

It was nice end to a terrible day. One that was spoiled when you saw the boy’s missing poster two days later.

It was that afternoon back at the park you sat at a different bench, dread weighing down your belly. You open the book and try to combat the feeling with fear. Today’s selection was The Dunwich Horror.

Not two pages in and paranoia began bubble up. Another page in and the feeling was now overwhelming. Something cold and wet touched your shoulder. A filmy liquid now running down your sleeve. You looked up.

Teeth, rows and rows of teeth.

With a shriek you jumped up as the teeth bit down. There’s a crunching sound as the back of the bench was bitten into. You spin around to face it.

No teeth, the bench is fine, there’s a clown holding a red balloon.

Its costume looks as if it has been lost to time, faded silver and tattered, the red of its hair and pom-poms standing out against the fabric. Its make up is simple with a very odd take on the traditional exaggerated smile.

“Hidey ho friendo! My name is Pennywise, I’m the dancing clown here to turn any frown upside down!”

The clown says this with a slight shake of its body sending off a chorus of bells, you can’t help but crack a smile.

Why did you think it was something bad? It’s just some guy dressed as a clown…

But the paranoia is slow to listen, still bubbling at your insides.

“H-hi there.” You say with a small wave.

“Say there friend would you like a balloon? I’ve been giving them away to all the good kiddos all day and this is the last one. And look how it floats!”

It was rather pretty, for a balloon that is, and apart of you wanted to reach out and take it.

But…

“Um, thanks but why not let someone else have it. Aren’t they supposed to be for the kids?”

“Why yes friend you are so ab-so-lute-ly right! But there are none left in the park today so I would like you to have it!” He held the balloon out to you with a grin that revealed rabbit teeth. His eyes a bright blue that held the slightest hint of worry.

“Well, I…”

“Whats that?”

He pointed at your feet where your poor book now lay. Gingerly you picked the book up, your eyes not leaving the clown.

“It’s Lovecraft.” You answered. His head tilted slightly as if in confusion.

“You know H.P. Lovecraft. The horror writer?”

“Oh! Horror!”

The clown jumped over the bench and sat down looking up at you expectedly, quietly patting the spot next to him. Every nerve in your body screamed danger, danger, danger but you found yourself sitting down next to him.

Pennywise was also a good listener. Gasping at every moment of surprise nodding whenever you had to explain something to him. Strangely, when the monster began its rampage through the village the clown laughed. It was a weird laugh to be honest and it sent shivers down your spine. With the monster’s death he became quiet, almost remorseful, which you could agree it was a little sad.

You ended up reading The Call of the Cthulhu to him as well which he very much enjoyed the plot twist at the end. It was after you parted ways, only when you were halfway home, did you realize you were holding the balloon. Only when you passed the missing posters did you remember who that poor kid had met before meeting you.

The next day, despite what your gut was telling you, your feet carried you back to the park. Pennywise already waiting at the same bench as before. It was late so there was only time for one story, your choice being The Shadow Over Innsmouth which was a bit of a struggle to read as Pennywise continuously interrupted you with fish puns.

The next day you arrived with two coffees and a few spare cookies. You showed him your offering but he politely refused the coffee.

“Caffeine is no good for ol’ Pennywise’s digestion but those cookies…”

You took both drinks while he took the cookies, eating all of them in two handfuls, the face paint giving the illusion that his jaw was opening much wider than it physically should have been able to.

Today you chose a personal favorite, The Haunter of the Shadows, despite being someone afraid of the dark. The idea of a monster that could kill you when the lights were out was rather dreadful and as you read that fear creeped into your heart. It wasn’t until you were about halfway through that you realized the clown had been staring at you the whole time. His gaze intense, a slight bit of drool forming at the corner of his mouth. Unconsciously you slowed down your reading, as if prolonging the end would protect you from something. But soon enough you reached the narrators demise and now there was silence between you and your reading buddy.

Pennywise shifted so he was fully turned towards you, his eyes showing a strange yellow tint. “What’s the matter? Are you afraid?”

“What? No… I…”

“Oh dear friend it’s ok. Jacob was afraid of the dark too.”

“Jacob?”

The clown laughed, “why our friend Jacob! The one you read to! That was such a nice thing for you to do for him by the way. Since it was his last day and all…”

“His last day?”

“Alive.” The clown answered with a smiled that showed all his teeth.

Rows and rows of teeth.

You ran, faster than you ever thought you could. But in your panic you ran the wrong direction, deeper into the park.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

But you didn’t dare turn around, the sound of something close behind would not let you. Deeper into the trees you go and you swear the shadows are getting darker. As if evening has come three hours too early and in your mind a conclusion is forming.

“It’s the monster, the haunter…”

You trip.

As you fall you turn your neck to see.

“Hell-wind, titan-blur, black wings, the three- lobed burning eye…”

………………………………………….

The two sisters walked through the park hand in hand. One of them had a classmate disappear, a kid named Jacob, no one had seen him since beginning of the week. Their mother warning them to come straight home after school and stay together.

They rounded a corner before coming to a stop. There, sitting on a bench, was a clown. In one hand it held two bright red balloons, in the other was a very battered looking book.

“Well hello there friends! My name is Pennywise the Dancing Clown! How about you sit with ol’ Pennywise a while for story time?”

[s3venpounds]

1 - 40

jesus buddy, if you wanted to know more about me just friend me somewhere and talk to me facebook,discord,overwatch,psn, snapchat w.e! haha i dont bite!

also this is gonna be really feckin long

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

How to train your dragon (1 and 2 i can’t decide) I fucking LOVE dragons. the idea to fucking ride one in the sky?!?! fucking DOPE. the idea that theyre also SCALY DOGS?!?!? MOTHER.FUCKING.DOPE. i just associate the idea of freedom with flying through the sky and that feeling was conveyed really well in that movie so i really loved it!

2: Talk about your first kiss.

honestly? kinda dumb now that i look back on it. it was a peck, i wasn’t even like mentally prepared and it happened way faster than i thought. If i knew it was going to happen i would have really like milked that fucker. i woulda went romance movie on that shit with all the extra shit like groping and weird inhaling noises and kissing so hard your teeth almost clink together. but yknow coulda woulda shoulda

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

theyre not a part of my life anymore which admittedly fucking sucks but i think its for the better at least for them. do i wish it worked out and we were together? i mean yeah duh, the reasons i fell for them don’t fucking disintegrate/ i just have more information than i had when i first met that person. will i actually actively pursuit them in the chance to be with them again? hell no. i’m tired. and i’ve seen enough “ self confidence” posts on here to think “ hey if someone really wanted me in their life they would go out of their way to do so and seeing as they haven’t even messaged me in god knows how long then its safe to say theyre off being happy

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

man i haven’t seen this person is literally almost 20 years. I need to apologize. or at the very fucking least, see how theyre been doing. its driving me mad just trying to picture how theyre living and just coming up with a giant question mark.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

lets be real bro most of my birthdays have been shit so i gave up on tryna make them memorable or fun, ‘s just another day to me. i mean the best one would have to be this one time i got a gameboy advance but thats pretty much it

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

yknow how everyone says “ OH MY GOD WE SHOULD KEEP IN TOUCH” once you move? yeah thats bullshit. honest to god bullshit. i kept tabs on everyone when i moved to a different city and when i came down to visit for my birthday inviting all those people who supposed “wanted to keep in touch with me” literally 1 person showed up. and i think they only showed up because our parents were friends too. so yeah. fuck people sometimes.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

hygiene. breath, hair, clothes, eating habits, manners, anything that might make me come off as unclean to people im trying to impress drives me off the fucking wall. specially at formal events. if im wearing snazzy clothing at like a suite 16 or a debut or a wedding bet you $100 that im adjusting little aspects of my appearance every like 15 seconds. eating mints the second one is finished, trying not to be too close to someones face when talking, even when i fucking fart i always take note of which way the wind is blowing, or im sitting down on something that can absorb the stench, how much pressure is in my gut and how much of it can i let out in small bursts to avoid sound. that or asian dick syndrome. yknow. haha asians got a small dick? that kinda shit bugs me a bit. not a ton but more than i thought it would

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.(i am literally only 8 questions in and my fingers are a little sore from typing)

my singing and impressions? i once scared some friends when i imitated a party blower kazoo thingy since the ones they bought from the dollarstore didnt make any sound. same as my singing, i tend to get high scores and i impressed my cousins once with a perfect score on a backstreet boys song HEH

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

my biceps? theyre not like chris hemsworth level of meaty but like when i worked at this physically demanding job my coworkers are like “ woah dude ur arms are different from mine, if you worked out theyd look so ripped” that kinda stuck with me for a while specially knowing they were a football jock and they had their own special diet and fitness instructor or something. i also like my smile/ jaw shape? my hair can look pretty good too sometimes

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

my family is very passive aggressive oh and racist

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

i once had this dream where i had reallllly passionate sex and it felt real and i could feel like every little detail down to like hairs brushing my skin on my arms and shit. i swear to this day it was a modern day succubus or something

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

that dream where i was a bird and flying away from”something” just all my instincts telling me to RUN. or that dream where i got shot in the hand, chest then the head and before i blacked out i said “Ch*****” who incidentally i was going to see later that day which made things very awkward at least for me

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

it was pretty good. looking back i was probably shit in bed hahaha first time so of course theres shit to work out. 

14: Talk about a vacation.

hit on by a cousin AND their gay friend. to which the cousin threatened me with self harm but the gay friend took the rejection very easily it was almost baffling in comparison (although the second the settled down they started to bash on me for rejecting their friend) also ate some REALLLLLY garlic covered crab the smell took 5 washes to get out… also got to ride in the back of a truck as its driving at like 120 mph and flying off all these little hills and tracking mud everywhere it was great

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

she was in my arms fast asleep and i took a photo. she didnt like that but let me keep the pic so that was nice.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

i can’t really remember any that stand out they were all equally fun. dont get me wrong some were super fun its just that it was also followed by a lot of bad choices that kinda take it down a notch. i will say this one party a friend hosted where i got to meet a BUNCH of new people. i also snorted some fundip powder as a dare. they refuse to let it go so i figure might as well own it. i also landed some sweet shots in beerpong

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

ellen paige would be dope to be friends with. same with zendaya. and gal gadot just so i can like sit in her presence and be in awe for extended periods of time

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

i was cheating on a test and my so called friend ratted me out never talked to him again that white privilege lookin hoe

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

i stopped talking to a friend that id thought i would be friends with for my whole life. i also became friends with my current best friend

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

people are dumb. drama is dumb. people who seek out this kinda shit needa leave me the hell alone. and if youre going to challenge me to a fight, tell me about said fight so i can show up. dont march around telling people ur gonna fight me and not tell me so i dont show up and make it look like i pussied out. like for real?

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

oh yeah like the vacation one said : shit got really weird. and to have that sorta conversation on spotty wifi in an airport in south korea meaning jet lag is also disorienting af

22: Talk about your worst fear.

death. nuff said

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

it sucked but it happens so like.? lmao i dont really know waht to say but it sucked

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i have a horrible memory and on top of that my mind moves at like 32754895274 miles a second so i dont keep stuff in mind a lot in the first place. i can’t really think of anything that had so much impact that i’ve remembered it. well i mean there was this one song a friend told me about in a letter and to this day i’ve kept remembering the same verse “ maybe if we met each other under a different sky maybe things would be much better between you and i”

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

we just….grew apart. and if we tried to be friends now im sure there would be tension and unease. hes just in a different friend circle. i dont hate him for it i just feel like hes living in a world of white and im living in a world of black like its just plain and simple

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

on the computer. i can’t rest when im sick. i just keep trudging along. school, work, hangouts, i still go. i just take precautions to not spread it

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

neck? shoulder? hands? face? hair? idk dood i don’t really like specific places more of how WELL those parts can mesh together to make this beautiful being.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

y’all about to learn some shit because im gonna teach you a thing about me. pov’s, deepthroat/gagging, emo/goth, anal, massage, ropes and power trips, asians, tentacles if im feeling kinky, hentai /cartoon shit, glory holes, dirty talk and asmr (who woulda thought theres porn for that huh?), ahegao(being fucked silly or till your mind breaks into being nothing but a cumdump), swallowing, threesomes, double penetration, latex is pretty cool too, cosplays are nice if the characters are ones i recognize, tittyfucks, source film maker porn of like video game characters are getting pretty professional nowadays, lesbian, orgys, teenage girls and old ass guys, horse dicks and girls who try to take em, i got turned on by a girl fucking a dog once so i guess bestiality is a thing, oh i saw this scene in a movie im not sure if it was real it seems kinda hazy but it involved necrophilia but im not sure if it turned me on or it was so weird i’ve memorized it because of how weird it was. chicks with dicks fucking other chicks. and a plethora of other weird shit. i dont know what fetishes count and what doesn’t so i just listed whatever came to mind as i wrote have fun with that shit

29: Talk about what turns you on. 

short hair, asian heritage, playful and lighthearted but can be lustful as all hell, shorter than me, big boobs is a plus, mid driffs, underboob, small frame or face, scent( god if you smell good thats instant brownie points with me), likes anime, high pitch voices are cute as hell, very physically intimate, loves PDA’s, yeah i can’t really think of much

30: Talk about what turns you off.

uhh smells bad?, when their personality is bland/boring, or just shit. over timidness i get being shy but like if you can’t trust that the person youre interested in then like what am i supposed to do. i literally dated a girl who was so sheepish all i could do was ask her yes or no questions. and honestly that got old really fucking fast. i get she was trying but like i can only finesse so much of a relationship man. bad hygiene holy fuck. if you got like ear wax showin our ur ears, or like a bleeding pimple in plain view and refuse to at least dab it with a wet cloth or tissue then pls its not gonna work out. dandruff oh my gOD. dandruff would drive me nuts. like if i get close enough to see individual fucking flakes im gonna tear my whole scalp off

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

i feel like our bodies stop responding but our “souls” are still present there trapped screaming and trying to move our body but can’t. and thats why burials and shit sound so terrifying

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

dont need to. im a couple blocks away i can visit it any time. (my elementary and middle school the neighbourhood surrounding it was also where i used to live so that was dope)

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

i force myself to get MORE sad so i can get it all out in one go and much faster. like how the human mind can only get so angry that the brain gives up and just tries to find another way to spend its time. 

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

when i was a kid me and bunch of other kids decided to clog a slide with just a shit ton of people and one of my friends who came after me kept pushing me to the point i was hanging on for dear life using only my knee down that was wedged between a fat kid and my friend who went after me. i fell off eventually knocking skulls with another kid near the end of the slide(this slide was shaped like a spring so that explains why there were kids under me) my arm bend backwards for a sec after hitting another kid’s legs, and then i fell chest and fast first on the asphalt winding myself. kids are rugged as all hell man they can really take a hit. i walked it off but god damn if i didnt get bruises and shit afterwards. or that time i got beaten so bad by father dearest because work was stressful and i ended up blacking out. wasn’t even allowed to go to the hospital. just kinda laid down in my room with bruises all over.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

relying on people for happiness. distracting myself from sadness and responsibilities. procrastinating in general

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

i dont really feel guilt save for some specific circumstances. ask any of my friends. does that mean im a sociopath or whatever? 

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

they just got out of a relationship with someone and was avoiding them profusely and i just started to get to know them. we got to the point that when she was ready we could date. little did i know that later, she would end up dating a friend of mine. to which i promptly had the appropriate reaction of crying myself to sleep, sending that friend a text message with all the things he should know to keep that girl happy and ultimately smashing a lot of things (some bottles actually because we were gonna build a sculpture or something together with em. man middle school was a fucking RIDE)

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

mmmmmm i would prefer to keep those underwraps.

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

family will be there for you in the end. (not because they want to but because the world teaches them that they have to meaning they will help just in their own way and to their own ends.) friends come and go. they always have always will. anyone who says forever is a fuckin idiot. lovers come and go thats just a natural part of growing up. and lets be real all the people that said they would self harm ultimately never did so dont stress it so much god damn(but dont let it slide either)

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

how about the end of my interest in anime and video games. nothing seems to really interest me anymore. everything is just kinda “meh”

[geek-ology-blog]

Well it’s been quite the year and well all lot of bad things happened (for me most were very personal) there were good things. And when I say good things I mean good people. Scratch that amazing people! These people helped me get through the year so that I would see this new one (even if the year is already starting bad for me). And even though I may not know a lot of them personally I still want to personally thank each and everyone of them. (Also I can draw better than this sorry)

@srpelo - Thank you for making me laugh till my stomach began to hurt. Every “shitpost” be the best post. And I will never stop slamming my desk and saying “OH BOI” thanks to you.

UltimaAlmighty - The only reaction channel done right. You are a such a positive person in a negative world. When you smile I can’t help, but smile back. Your sincerity won’t go unnoticed. (I know you will probably never see this, but I couldn’t not include you.)

@vadeva - Thanks for being the British man of Starbot Dubs. Your voice is so much fun to listen to and makes me wish I had a low awesome voice too. I can’t wait to see what you and Stephanie do next! (I also really wanna see your audition video).

@rahafwabas - Thanks for filling my dash with angst! You are an amazing artist. You taught me how bad and angst life can be, but to every bad side there’s a good that’ll be worth the pain. (Also short people for life!)

@jakei95 - Thank you for your creativity! You are such a nice and beautiful person. (Sucks that I couldn’t draw you like that… I can draw better I swear!) Cross and Underverse is just too awesome not to love. You taught me that making something new out of other’s ideas and turning it into your own can lead to finding your own new thing! You have encouraged me to do a lot more with myself as well as my art.

@jokublog - Thank you for sharing your hopes and dreams! Every time I see a picture of Dream I always smile (same is for Nightmare, but it’s an evil smile). Your art is so beautiful with its colors and flow. And even when others put you down you scare them away by getting back up again doing what you love. (Also you and Jakei be adorable together)

@loverofpiggies - Thank you for your amazing comics and snazzy pink hair! I love Aftertale and Geno since I connected to him in a sad way that Geno actually felt to be a real “person”. You also taught me that even if you’re known for one thing it’s good to make your own thing. And that being Gloomverse. One of the greatest things I’ve ever read in the entirety of one night (I was that hooked). In fact it encouraged to to start my own comic and punch anxiety in the face!

@hawker-rawr - Thank you for making me laugh at a drunk man (and questioning what kind of drunk I’d be)! You are such a cool artist and I love your take on Chara and Asriel. I fell in love with them all over again. So excited to see whatever you do next. (StarHawk ftw)

@camilaart - Thank you for playing with my emotions! I love GlitchTale so far and am pumped to see what happens next. You are an amazing storyteller and an awesome nerd at heart. I so happy that everyone got together when things got tough. Me from being from a poor household myself I know what it’s like. May all good things come to you and your family. (I also just wanna point out that I totally called Betty, like I screamed at the school computer when Sans died like my gosh I hate-love her!)

@starbotdubs - Thank you for sharing your beautiful voice (and face). You are an amazing voice actress and introduced me into so many comics I’d come to love so much. I’m so excited to see what 2017 brings for your channel (especially you guys dining Gloomverse, like I screamed that my dog jumped 2 feet into the air I was so excited). May you, Vade, and your channel become greater than it already is. (DEUS VULT)

@popelickva and The Real-Time Fan Dub Cast - Thank you for making me giggle like a baby during class. Your gravity falls series and dubs never fail to make me smile. And even though I miss nearly every stream because of timezones, I can’t help but feel determined to try and watch it. (You guys also got me into Voltron and made me obsessed)

@manontheinternet - Thank you for the music! Music has always been apart of my life, especially musicals. I play a couple instruments and like to sing, but not a lot of people even know since I have a literal panic attack whenever I try Iin front of people. So turning a game I’m still obsessed with into a musical which I’m already obsessed with is amazing! Every singer/actor is superb and you feel what the character is feeling. I can’t help, but to always sing along. I’m stoked to have found you so that I may be able to listen to greatness. (Listening to you guys sing seem to always calm me down)

@nekophy - Thank you for being so adorable it’s adorable (which is weird to say since you’re older than me)! You may, if not are, the biggest Poth (and/or Geno x Reaper) shipper I have ever seen. Your art is so cute as well as your reactions to every piece of art you receive. You are a fantastic stick cat Miss Nekophy. And an awesome mother to a certain Goth. (Also tried to draw a kinda “human” you but looks bad so I’m sorry!)

@knittinggiantbeanies - Thank you for being a source of positivity! You as well as your following feel like a safe warm hug. You are so beautiful (much more than me by an immense amount because you’re so gorgeous). I’ve been here ever since Bill’s birthday video and am glad I stayed. You even introduced me to some of my now best friends in your Undertale stream. And I’ve never felt so close to those who are so far. I cannot thank you enough for that.

@chongoblog - Thank you for filling my dash in memes and references I still don’t understand! Never stop because you’re an All Star.

@superyoumna - You are a literal wizard with a mouse! You’ve showed me that even with limited resources you can still make something great (heck all I had to draw on was napkins and printer paper till this Christmas). Your art is almost as beautiful as you are. But your talent is so great I don’t think anything can compare. (I just now realized how many Undertale blogs I have on here)

@thatsthat24 - Thank you for being the king of 6 seconds. You spread positivity like a wildfire and smiles like a tsunami. You have an amazing voice and proved to all parents out there that watching cartoons is not only for kids, it’s for child-like adults as well. I love how you can turn my most depressing day just a little happier. (All the guys, gals, and non-binary pals love you bro)

The rest of these people are not in the drawing because I don’t know what they look like, forgot to add them, was lazy, or are personal friends:

@linnttop - You are an amazing artist and goofball. Im so happy I met you and that we made our friendship work despite the 11 hour time difference (Living on the other side of the world sucks man). But the fact you even tried to stay with me is truly inspiring. I shouldn’t even be worth your time, but you still do even if it’s short and sweet.

@straberrysoup aka Hotdogs - The oldest of the group yet you never act like it! She’s the yin to my orangutan. Your art is adorable as well as your face. I hope your glasses come in soon!

@mclov3ly101 - Such an amazing artist all around always getting better and better. No one in our group (or probably ever) will ship more people than you do. You have the look that turns girls lesbian and gay guys straighter than a stripping pole. I can’t wait to see what your Reaper comic has to offer. (Sportarobbie)

@chariskreplies aka Sans - Always in the shadows watching and sending things to the wrong chat. You’ll pop in and everyone’s happy when you do. Never stop punning EVER. 

@shitpilot and every other Voltron blog I follow - Thank you for helping keep Voltron on my dash so that its not entirely Undertale and TF2.

@comyet - Thank you for creating my favorite Sans of all time! Ink is my spirit skeleton and I love it. Also your art is incredible! I would totally buy your stuff if I had the money. NEVER stop doing what you do because you’re just too awesome to stop now. ( I can’t wait till you come back from your hiatus.)

@kenzykills - The one always asking me to draw yaoi for her shrine. You are the pervert yaoi shipper we all know and love. Thanks for making Japanese and science more “interesting”. (Stop asking for smut)

@quelloz - Thank you for making sure I don’t get too out of control. You are beautiful and an awesome friend. And I won’t rest until I get you with your lady love! I’LL HIT HER SO HARD WITH YOUR LOVE SHE’LL NEVER SEE IT COMING! (Raquello Raphaelo Ze Bastard Ze III :) Elizabeth Gurrrrero)

There’s no way I can thank all of you enough.2016 wasn’t the best year for me. Due to anxiety, depression, numbness, and a family member rushing in and out of the hospital. I doubt myself a lot saying I’m not pretty or my art is trash when i should have more of a positive outlook on myself, but it’s hard to when your parents tell you stuff like that every day. If it weren’t for every single one of these amazing people I don’t think I’d be alive today. I may not know all of them personally, but without them even knowing they helped me a lot. Even some of my friends that I mentioned are so close to my heart, but so far away for a hug. I love each and everyone of you and am looking forward to everything you do from here. Not just because you’re all amazing and talented, but because you give me something to live for. Thank you.

[winstonhcomedy]

How’d Winston Do The Other Night? 10/22-10/23

WOW WE HAD SOME CRAZINESS FOLKS!!!! I got to do a show with my bff Paige Campbell on his birthday, and also got to do two mics on Tuesday. Wild and wacky shows both nights so let’s just get into it!

Monday night was sweet baby boy Paige Campbell’s birthday (@unclepaige). A great comic and even better friend! His birthday actually fell on The Southern open mic night so we knew it was going to be a doozy!

I get to the show early like I always do to set up my camera, move the tables and chairs,  and do a little writing. After a while the riff session starts once Paige C arrives. We are riffing, raffing, and busting balls and just celebrating the big lug’s birthday in style.

Some of my favorite people showed up to the mic. We had Colby Knight (deeply closeted gay liberty student turned deeply closeted stand up comedian), Jake Snyder (Abe Lincoln impersonator turned stand up comedian), JR, Abdulla, Keaton Ray, David Luzader, David McCallie, Dylan Vattelana (Richmond/touring comic very funny dude), Jesse Jarvis, and so many more I know I am missing out on!

The crowd is kind of light, but honestly the worst part is they were super tight! Chris went up first and because we had such a full lineup did a shorter set to open up the show. 

It honestly felt like everybody was bombing on this show. I can’t remember the order and who went but I do remember that it felt like bomb after bomb after bomb. The first pretty good set I remember was Dylan was able to crack them open a little bit. He was working on some newer material, and that is always fun to see. Dylan is a super good joke writer, and a hard working comic. He’s at the feature level for a lot of clubs now, and proof that hard work and determination pays off. 

I’ve known Dylan since I started doing comedy, and was/am always impressed by his work ethic, and ability to write new material. He had mentioned to me that like myself he had been going through a weird writer’s funk lately so it was dope to see him crack through that and work on some material.He had a pretty good set, especially for the crowd.

After that it went right back to bombing. Legitimately it was so weird. I think all in all maybe 4 out of the almost 20 comics had a good set and honestly nobody absolutely slaughtered. 

I went up and opened with a roast joke about my boy Paige C! I said, “If Paige Campbell was a country his chief import would be cocaine and his chief export would be HPV.” That got a good laugh and got to transition into a brand new joke I wrote about gay conversion therapy. That joke definitely needs work, but based on the crowd reaction it definitely has legs. 

I continued with newer jokes and honestly up to that point had the best set of the night. The jokes worked, and got a few big pops so all in all super happy with the set. 

I’m excited to see where the gay conversion therapy joke goes. I know it needs a few more punches and the wording is sloppy af, but it is a good premise. 

I’d give my set a C+/B- . It was a good fine set and super productive.

The last comic of the night was Paige. He got to do an extended set so that was pretty dope. The crowd had thinned out even more until a group of 4 people came in right before he got on stage. They were great audience members and changed the entire energy of the show.

Paige was pretty drunk, and was slurring his words. His jokes were hitting, and I was yelling older bits of his I wanted him to do. There was a five minute period where Chris Alan and I went on stage with him and messed around. 

Eventually one of the audience members took off a wig. He didn't need to wear it. Its was just a weird blonde wig he had over top of his super long hair. We just thought he was crazy, but he said he was wearing it because he thought it’d be funny. Paige closed his set out by putting on the wig and doing his final 5 or 6 minutes.

It was a great energy, everybody was laughing and busting balls. It was a lot of inside baseball but everybody was loving it and was the perfect way to end the night. After the show we ran to Applebees for a birthday hang, and then headed out. All in all a super dope Monday!

The next night there were a couple mics on my agenda. We had Mojos which had Brian Mann and Kate Carroll substitute hosting and then Jesse Jarvis was running Fallout downtown. 

I hit up Brian and asked if I could go first so I could hit both shows and he lovingly agreed. Now Brian is a super good dude and a unique/original comic. Sometimes the premises he uses have no rhyme or reason but honestly there’s a beauty to that. I would say that his style is legitimately the exact polar opposite of what I do on stage and honestly I think that’s why I like talking to him so much. A good, genuine, and sweet boy. 

Also I love Kate. She is my pc, leftist, sad aunt. She is one of the few people that I can completely disagree with and then have a civilized conversation and not be upset at her at all. She’s opened my eyes to a lot and I like to think I have done the same. She’s always down to have her ovaries busted, and always knows I’m coming from a sweet place. Both funny, cool people.

Mojos is def the alt spot in town. I really like doing this room because you have to work super hard, and earn your laughs. It isn’t always the most fun show to do, but I really think if you want to be a good comic you have to do rooms of all types. 

I went first and I think about half of my set went well. I got introduced by Kate and Brian at the same time and I did a small roast about, “there’s no way two comics could be worse than one Patrick Buhse (normal mojos host) said silently”. Then I went into my newer material. Not everyone was listening yet but I got laughs on most of the stuff I did. I screwed myself and misspoke a few times which really messed up the jokes. 

 I hate being at this point of working on jokes where they’re new, but not memorized yet. Getting the wording down is super important and I let myself down with this set. At least I got to do the newer stuff and I found a couple new roads to take on a few bits which is nice.

Kate went up and cracked one on me about being a teacher and screwing up my phrasing. I deserved it! 

I’d give my set a C-. It was productive but I could have done better. It was another night of me letting my headspace mess with my comedy. I have just been so exhausted lately. I needed the adrenaline to kick in during the set and it just didn’t.

I grabbed my stuff, said goodbye, hopped in my car and headed downtown to Fallout. 

Fallout is the local goth/fetish bar downtown. I always love doing the show even if the audience isn’t always into it.

I went up and did new material but also had a mini breakdown on stage. Sometimes in that room it is super cathartic for me to just try to work out how I feel. So I just talked out why I was even doing comedy with a few audience members. For the most part they vibed with my set. Half of what I did worked, and I got a couple big pops. 

All in all it was a pretty underwhelming set for my standards.  I’d give this set a D. I didn’t feel as good after as I did on stage. It was definitely a good use of time, but I really needed rest and it showed. So I grabbed my stuff and headed home. 

That’s it for Monday and Tuesday laydees!!! I’ll be back tomorrow with my shows from Wednesday! They were some good old fashioned fun. As always babes xoxo and I’ll see ya soon!!!!