#half of these are incomprehensible to everyone else but oh well

[kwwas]

magik <3

[gofancyninjaworld]

Blast is a mediocre hero

Talk about a controversial opinion! Well, I intend to defend it! With thanks to Eldrich_Void, who heard my rantings out.

This is not an opinion I rushed to. However, it has bothered me a lot that Blast seems to have a real track record for fucking things up. Almost all his endeavours seem to end up cursed in some way.

His evil partner, the ninja village horror he set up, and the way he seems intent on protecting the guy. His estranged son. The two heroes he saved both having serious complexes as a result. The monster he couldn't subdue.

Now that we get to see how he saw the situation on the ground, I think that Flashy Flash's accusing him of being unconscionably hesitant is right.

Under the circumstances, if I were Flash, I'd not trust that pressing that button would summon Blast in a manner timely enough to matter to me.

So, shall we see below the cut?

Before...

So, let's wind back all the way to chapter 165, back when Cosmic Garou landed. Remember then? He had time to pose for the benefit of the heroes gathered...

…then to look at himself, look at the heavens, and thank God for this gift of power.

Then Bang crawled up to Garou to try calling him back to his senses.

It took a while for the situation to ripen.

It's only in the next chapter, with Bang continuing to plead futilely with Garou, that Blast showed up.

Looks like he showed up as soon as he could.

So far, so good. It seemed that Blast came as soon as he could, given whatever else he was busy with. In the current timeline, Saitama came back from the future and punched Garou right when the latter looked up to thank God, so we thought, reasonably, that Blast never had a chance to appear. Case closed.

And looks like he didn't have an opportunity to show up.

But now we see more...

Several chapters have come and gone, and now we have a fuller picture of the event. And now we know that Blast was aware and on scene when Garou unleashed his gamma-ray burst:

Oh, so you were here.

We know too that Blast was on scene when Saitama appeared to punch out Cosmic Garou, before Bang even had a chance to crawl to Garou.

And there!

So Blast had had an opportunity to intervene earlier but did not take any action until after everyone was dropping dead and Bang was using the last of his energy to plead with Garou to come to his senses.

Okay, there's a place for observing the scene before you wade in so as not to make matters worse. As Drive Knight points out, rushing into things without proper analysis is a foolish thing. However, there's one thing I can't overlook. Even if Blast did not want to carelessly jump into a fight, the fact that he was able to reroute Garou's cosmic rays away from the heroes on the ground -- but had not done so originally... that is borderline unforgiveable.

Damn, if you could always do that, you should have done it earlier!

Let me be extremely clear. I don't hold Blast wholly responsible for restoring Empty Void. Yes, his rerouting the now free-floating 'God' powers as well as the cosmic rays to another dimension accidentally fed Void. That was careless, but not incomprehensible: thinking that one's evil ex-partner whom you left more dead than alive 15 years ago might be camping his nasty half-starved body on the other side of the dimensional hole you opened up in order to receive God's powers is not at the top of anyone's mind. What I am holding him responsible for is failing in the first duty of a hero: HELP PEOPLE!!

Now, let's go back to the original timeline. Even before he stepped up to support Bang, he could have rerouted those cosmic rays and saved most of the heroes. But he did not. I don't think he thought of it. Not a good hero instinct. But it gets worse.

Once it was clear that Garou had no intention of leaving the planet or ceasing to kill with his very presence, Genos stepped up, risking his life to buy Blast an opening.

Being a hero to the core. When people are in need, he is there.

However, when he was in danger and it was clear that Garou was fixing to kill him, did Blast step up? No. He just stood there, opened his mouth and bleated 'No.' [1]

And it gets worse still. It's not like Garou ripped Genos's head off to kill him instantly. Garou punched Genos through his center of mass. That was really bad: his upper torso is heavily protected for a reason, but that is not what killed him. We find out afterwards that Genos remembers seeing Garou pull his core out. Even that did not kill him: we've seen from back with the Giant Meteor that while losing his core's functionality will stop him being able to move his body, Genos's life support systems run independently of it. No, what killed him was Garou smashing him down so hard that his head and armor shattered and his blood splattered and ran into the ground, some of it being washed into long runnels by the fallout rain. So Blast stood there and watched while Garou not only struck Genos critically, but mutilated and maimed him to death. It was as if Garou was taunting him to try something heroic. And when Saitama finally arrived on the scene, Blast was just standing there. Uselessly.

Blast does not have the instincts of a hero.

Saitama rightly criticised himself for losing sight of what a hero's true duty was. I remember back when Sonic asked him who he was, he defined himself as the person who helps people when they are in trouble. [2] And he knows he fell short.

Blast appears to have totally lost sight of this fact. That's why his work is cursed.

A Hero Is More Than Mere Works

Without any doubt, Blast is strong. He is righteous but he's not looking at situations the way a hero should. He looks at things more as a warrior -- and it's not really helpful. He's forgotten the need to actually *be* a hero.

If I think about it a bit more, Blast was concerned for the health of the heroes on the field. Yet he did not protect them, even though he could have. He did not move them out of the way, even though he could have. He did not call on the rest of his compatriots to help him accomplish these goals, even though he could have and they would have helped.

I don't think that Blast is in danger of being deposed as the number 1 hero any time soon but man, it's as Flashy Flash says, his conduct is disappointing.

It's an insult to the heroes we've seen. I can't begin to imagine how bitterly Tatsumaki would be if she could have seen him. As the narrator said, she puts him on too high a pedestal. When I think of how hard she fought while never forgetting the helpless child, the civilians at risk, the rest of the strike team, and taking care of them even as it reduced her fighting efficiency, it's everything Blast ought to be. We saw so many heroes risk their lives to help others, even when they weren't of any strategic value.

Tatsumaki's determination to throw nobody under the bus, no matter how expedient, is the soul of heroism.

A hero is not merely their works. A hero is also what they symbolise. Amai Mask gets it: that's why he goes on and on about a hero being a beautiful symbol of peace. Saitama gets it: that's a big part of why he refused to out King because he symbolised being a hero so well. Mumen Rider lives it: even though he's not strong (by hero standards), he's greatly respected and people are inspired by him to do better in their lives.

What a hero is: someone who saves from danger, someone who reassures, someone who inspires.

Blast doesn't get it. When he had an opportunity to mitigate Garou's cosmic radiation and save lives, it did not occur to him. When he could have swallowed his pride and called back up to help him subdue Garou and save hero lives, it did not even cross his mind: he only saw a fight.

Since when was justice a matter of who can hit who harder?

And when he didn't prevail, he just stood there. When it was time for him to step up as a hero and actually take on some risk to try saving a life, he stood there, as hapless as any civilian. Even when it was hopeless, we didn't see the likes of Tank Top Master giving up. We didn't see Genos giving up on Tatsumaki, even when they were swarmed by Black Sperm. You don't give up on people.

No wonder his works are cursed.

How might the curse be lifted?

Some thoughts.

Never mind Tatsumaki: it's a rare hero who wouldn't be appalled. They all look up to Blast as the ultimate hero.

Fortunately, the only person who knows is Genos: it takes knowing how else things would have played out if Saitama hadn't arrived in the nick of time. Genos has no interest in trying to run down Blast: what little credibility he's got, he's used to tell Sicchi to ensure that Saitama got called up if Blast came up with anything.

Unfortunately, Sicchi hasn't passed on that message to Blast and Saitama's been allowed to go dawdling away. Even more unfortunately, what Sicchi has told Blast about Genos is that he's a terror who impedes access to Saitama. This may have terrible consequences down the line.

Talk about leaving out the important part. That 'is that so?' gives me chills.

You know how some readers are disappointed that the MA arc did not end with Saitama lecturing Garou about the importance of not compromising one's goals? It seems to me that Blast needs that lecture a lot more badly than Garou ever needed it in any version. He's forgotten that the point of heroism is the people you help *first* before it is about glorious fights. Important as it is to fight, losing sight of the human need in front of you is a hiding to nothing.

Or, if you want to put it differently: Saitama is likely to have a reason to confront Blast in the future.

Someone needs to hear this message and it's not the truculent teenage tearaways.

I am going to be there for it with a giant tub of ice cream!

Asides

[1] What was it that Awakened Garou said back in the WC: 'When facing an imminent threat against a monster, all you do is open your mouth and start babbling. It's an easy kind of job.'? (ch 85). It has applied very brutally to Blast here.

[2] In case you need a reminder:

That's the right thing to be. Saitama's been struggling since he forgot the brief a bit.

[mythandlaur]

I like the headcanon that Jeremie actually had a lot of battles during the fight with XANA...except most of them were really mundane, incomprehensible to anyone else, and against the supercomputer itself.

I mean, the whole thing was built by one guy, who probably made his own programming language for it, in 1994, while actively in the process of going insane. It was a marvel! A masterpiece of technology far beyond its time! And its codebase was probably spaghetti on top of spaghetti on top of a dumpster fire. Hence Jeremie having a love-hate relationship with first the computer and then Franz Hopper himself, constantly oscillating between "wow! how did you do this?!" and "oh god, how did you do this?"

The scanners and RTTP work nigh-perfectly because they were thoroughly tested, and Lyoko itself mostly runs very well, but also there's a pebble in the forest sector that cannot be removed or all the textures turn into checkerboard for no discernible reason, everyone's models have loaded in missing any kind of physics at least once, all of the shaders broke at some indeterminate point right after Aelita was first materialized and he still has no idea how that happened, why can't he spawn anything less than three meters above the ground without it ending up IN the ground, yes those are two rocks inside of each other stop giggling, what do you MEAN THERE'S A MEMORY LEAK, WHERE IS THERE A MEMORY LEAK, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME SOMEBODY CLEARED THE TEMP FILES ON THIS THING, WHERE EVEN ARE THE TEMP FILES THIS SYSTEM MAKES NO SENSE--

He keeps having to ask weird programming questions on internet forums and laments that he has to know an equal amount about 3D physics rendering engines and QUANTUM PROBABILITY MATHEMATICS to make the thing work. Plus he tries to do some things remotely, but his laptop can't run half the supercomputer's programs, and the other half he's remote editing over terrible 2006 school-wide wi-fi that craps itself every time some 10th grade bozo down the hall tries to pirate anime.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2 updated early this month, and we're Yiffy now. It's a Valentine's Day miracle!

Yiffy was one of the most interesting characters in HS2, because literally everyone treated her like shit constantly. Jade's giving her daughter a smooch but also Jade sent her off to a boarding school explicitly because she was embarrassing to acknowledge and also Jade named her child Yiffy Longstocking on a joke and never bothered to change it. In the epilogues, Rose acknowledged that nothing in Candy was "real" and she was joining the rebellion basically for the luls, and one some level Jade and Rose don't think Yiffy is a real three-quarters-human person, and I think they think of her more like an OC in a game they like.

Well, that was my read of HS2, lets see how HSBC handles her.

Oh, this visual is great. Kanaya is so pissed off she's turning into the Ancestor art style in real time. She also kind of looks like Batman, here.

No doubt if your POSSE OF PUBESCENT PUNKS back at school could see you now they'd throw up laughing.

I am suddenly way more interested in Yiffy's gang than I am in half the HS1 cast. What kids join a gang led by a dog girl named Yiffy Longstocking?

Engineering that reprieve might be just about the only real solid your no-show non-mom has ever actually bothered to do for you.

Oh thank christ, there was a part of me worried that Yiffy wouldn't resent her parents for being the second-worst parents in HS2. This is the most interesting thing in the sequels, I think.

TAVVY: ,,, And also, everyone knows you exist now,,, instead of just me,,, TAVVY: And our moms

TAVVY: Wow,,,! YIFFY: TAVVY: You know, i was almost kidnapped,,, once,,, TAVVY: My mom removed the window, after that, TAVVY: Which, um, sucked, TAVVY: Though, i guess you'd know, uh, about that,,,

Oh, interesting. Tavvy knew about Yiffy this whole time? Actually, this and Yiffy's description of him via narration earlier imply they grew up together. I guess that makes sense, since he's Jane's kid and Jade inexplicably put Jane in charge of Yiffy, but he never told Vrissy about her secret sister? That's a bit fucked up, dude. Yiffy's not saying anything (and I hope she doesn't for a long time, until she has something meaningful to say), but her text color is Dave's red, even though she's not related to Dave. Or she is and HSBC is going to retcon HS2's most hated plot point somehow.

Pepis

Look at this ARRANT BEAVIS double fisting those cans of pop

"ARRANT BEAVIS" is a great Homestuckism

The Sylph has been slow boiling, you can tell.

Interesting that Yiffy refers to Kanaya as "The Sylph". I don't know what else she'd call her, I suppose, but Yiffy of all people being the one to mention Classpect is odd.

You've only been around this earth for 15 years, but it's a self-evident fact that there are no useful authorities. Gifted with unimaginable power, their concern only stretches so far as to manhandle those dependent on them, and tangles into ineffectual deadlock the instant it meets a challenge worth addressing. Potential killed for the sake of comfort. True kindness is real, but only for those that bare teeth and break skin. Why should these disingenuous, bystanding, spineless, SELFISH adults get anything they want?

Fuck yes, Yiffy hates all the HS1 characters. I've been hoping for this, she has more beef with them all than even Tavros, and it's a bit of Vriska energy this comic has needed that neither actually Vriska really provides.

Yiffy being the best thing about HS2 was maybe a hot take before, but hopefully it isn't now. She's great.

JADE: and of course you arent obligated to ever forgive me but... i dont want to lose you too! JADE: i love you kanaya JADE: youre my family KANAYA: You Fucked My Wife

This is the best update in the entire comic.

KANAYA: And Though That Travesty Of A Name Is Undoubtedly An Incomprehensibly Offensive Piece Of This Particular Puzzle KANAYA: What I See Is Not An Explanation KANAYA: But A Glossing Over Of The Worst Detail ROSE: Jane.

Yeah, HS2 kind of glossed over Rose/Jade putting TrumpHitler in charge of their literal child. I could copy/paste this whole conversation but basically Kanaya is pointing out that there's like fifty plot holes in Yiffy's backstory and it makes no fucking sense at all and are they going to retcon her to being Jade/Dave's ecto-kid?

ROSE: You've managed to exhume the solemn cadaver of my mother's memory and make her the star of another argument. KANAYA: As If You Ever Bothered To Bury Her ROSE: What does this have to do with anything!? KANAYA: What I Am Doing Is Demonstrating That I Have No Intention To Mediate This Situation KANAYA: Or Pacify It KANAYA: Or Even Be A Little Bit Nice Right Now KANAYA: So Perhaps Youll Actually Take Me Seriously For Once

This is the well-earned sass we've been waiting for since Yiffy's reveal.

ROSE: But more than anything else, I took her up on it because it felt oddly ROSE: inevitable. ROSE: Anyways, ROSE: Deep down, I knew it didn’t matter. ROSE: However we handled it. ROSE: Whatever hurt we caused. ROSE: It was never that serious.

Man, I'm glad that I'm live-blogging and put my read of the situation up as I went because I fucking called it. Yes! I am capable of retaining information when I read instead of staring at the screen slack-jawed.

ROSE: I knew you would forgive me. KANAYA: Rose KANAYA: When Did You Stop Trying JADE: yeah rose!!!!! JADE: what the fuck!!!!

Oh shit, Candy Rose is evil?

JADE: b-but i just dont want things to get even worse!!!!!! KANAYA: Then stop pretending that my feelings are top priority KANAYA: AND TRY BEING HONEST FOR ONCE JADE: WHAT DOES IT EVEN MATTER!!!!!!! KANAYA: Excuse Me? JADE: you heard me! JADE: you were wronged kanaya! JADE: the truth cant change that JADE: saying it just fucking hurts more JADE: what does that accomplish? JADE: its so embarrassing, would you even get it if i had?

JADE: you have no idea what its like out there JADE: how traumatizing dating regular citizens was JADE: imagine trying to love someone who already knows every available detail about you JADE: who has *opinions* on what happened to you as a child JADE: who assumes youre indestructible JADE: newsflash it fucking sucks!!!!!!! because no matter how nice they were JADE: they didnt want to know me JADE: they wanted to date the god of space

I have no notes, this is great and I'm thrilled everyone is mad now.

JADE: so everyone could lecture me again on how "bad" my "boundaries" are? ROSE: (I did that one time.) JADE: you want bad boundaries JADE: do you know how many people would be waiting outside public bathrooms to talk to me about their problems? JADE: this one guy randomly started apologizing because they cooked their hamster in the microwave! JADE: and they looked so sad... i had to hug them and say it was ok JADE: but it was not ok! JADE: they murdered their hamster! Rose: Ugh... JADE: and their other hamster killed itself KANAYA: JADE JADE: out of loneliness!!!!!

What the fuck, this is amazing.

The art here is great, by the way.

JADE: millions of people told me they loved me JADE: but i was never a real person to them JADE: i couldn't let that happen to yiffy too KANAYA: What JADE: i had to save her kanaya! JADE: give her the chance to grow up as a normal kid with a normal life

Jade she's half-dog and she's named Yiffy Fucking Longstocking, that ship has sailed. How are people not going to know she's your child?

Oh, okay. She wears a hat. Sure.

This art is so good!

KANAYA: Even If I Didnt Want Her KANAYA: She Was Already Here

*Makes a note in my "ominous foreshadowing lines journal*

What. Why does Jade have a Frankenstein in her inventory? What's that about?

And that was the update. Honestly? Banger, easily the best HSBC update yet. I could, and if I didn't have DnD in five minutes perhaps would (and perhaps still will!) write a whole essay on this. Phenomenal. A+

[carionto]

"So Basically... You Work For Cthulhu?"

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6

Trisha was the first to break the strange silence after Iorvan had finished explaining in the most vague terms possible what his purpose here was.

"That is a very crude and inaccurate oversimplification, but yes." with a hint of irritation in his voice, he agreed to her assessment. "The High Priest is all knowing on matters that matter, yet every now and then a "nothing", as beings of such magnitude view mortals like us, will happen upon the right combination of irrelevant information to form new true knowledge."

"Like the million monkey typewriters writing Shakespeare!" Trisha energetically interjected. "So why not just scry or whatever they do every brain and pluck out all the good info?" she questioned.

"As I said, we are "nothings" to them, and though their capabilities are beyond our understanding, they are not without limits, and observing billions of human minds is just incomprehensible static, I imagine." Iorvan looked directly at Trisha, "How much effort would you say it would take to comprehend your thoughts alone, Trisha?"

"Good point, I don't bother doing that half the time myself." she replied eagerly without a second thought.

Chief Engineer Tameki, very clearly confused, finally gathered herself enough, "Wait, please. So why are you here? What does any of that even mean?"

"C'mon ira, keep up, it's not that complicated." Trisha seemed to be more surprised by everyone else's apparent confusion than everyone else was by how she wasn't.

"Us going through a tear in space-time made the universe glitch out. You know, the quantum entanglement thing breaking when it shouldn't and some mumbo-jumbo about our spiritual selves being in two places at once or something. Oh yeah, souls are a thing, but only sorta? Did I get that right, Prof? To Cthulhu it looked like we duplicated our ethereal form and that should not be a thing that anyone can do, so they took notice and sent you here to investigate."

"In the simplest and most inaccurate terms, but correct." Iorvan, now more composed after accepting that Trisha's brain functioned imperfectly enough to somehow comprehend his altered understanding of the true nature of the world. Well, changed by as much knowledge as the High Priest deemed essential to impart onto him.

He continued, adjusting his own explanation to match the intellectual level of the subjects. "Such an unprecedented occurrence will not go unnoticed by the rest of the Old Ones, and the consequences for this event originating directly from the High Priest's physical domain are unpredictable, hence the unprecedented intervention you see before you in my form."

He continued, "In the simplest acceptable terms possible - the actions you took to arrive here must be reversed. I was granted all relevant knowledge about the hybrid warp engine, however, the local domain here is inaccessible and information must be retrieved manually. What is the status of it and all related matters?" Iorvan addressed the question with an icy stare towards everyone on the bridge.

Ira, with a slight look of worry, answered: "It didn't come with us when we warped. Because of the instantaneous nature of the transportation, it couldn't send any data about itself during or after the warp."

At this, the unofficial head IT guy, Valencio, chimed in, "Well, it's not impossible that whatever energy discharge that did happen couldn't have sent some signal to the nearest connected devices. The warp cut every quantum connection, but some of them were connected with a hardline, right?"

"That is true, the Dusk was printed at a military shipyard," Haespar Kraus, having found something sensible to cling to, was finally able to feel useful. "Short range redundancies like that are always integrated, even with unconventional designs like the hybrid warp engine. We'll just need to retrieve them and look at their final logs-"

"D O S O !"

The bridge, which had begun to regain a bit of life, was stunned silent by Iorvan suddenly echoing this command in a voice that came not just from his mouth, but also the walls, the floor, ceiling, and even right behind everyone's heads.

While Trisha, once again, composed herself first, even she was unnerved by the ominous aura Iorvan was exuding.

"A-alright, Prof. No need to be all evil occult on us. You're human too, or were at least. You know pressure like that isn't the most productive, yeah? So, like, chill. Please?"

His dagger-like stare towards her did not diminish, but his presence on the bridge did become less intense.

"Find the answer. Deliver it to me in one year. My own visit to this foreign domain will not go unnoticed, but the High Priest accepted this price. The knowledge you obtain, however, MUST be worthwhile. It is, after all, a trivial matter for any Old One to simply erase all "nothings" that have made themselves known in a... negative light."

With those final words, the form of Professor Iorvan evaporated into a mist.

"Back to 27..." came Emily's voice after a moment of sobering silence.

"So, uhh..." Trisha felt the need to fill the air with something productive, "basically, if we don't figure out what exactly happens during a warp, everyone back home is gonna die. Umm... let's go get those data thingies?" with uncertainty, she looked at everyone on the bridge.

Haespar, wanting to keep his image of the sensible cool headed one, picked up the baton Trisha had almost dropped, "Yes, well, that is something we were going to do eventually anyway, it's just been bumped up the list. Ira, Valencio - will you need anything not currently here for a full warp simulation once we get whatever may exist in those terminals?" he regained his actual composure as he faked the first few sentences, and was now in his serious mode.

"There's not enough computing power hooked together with the quantum computers being all blank, and we'll need either one fully powered reactor running on overload for half a day, or get a second one back up." Valencio counted each though on his fingers, an old habit.

"Good. Emily will head that, everyone else will have to postpone your previous tasks." Haespar declared. "Ira? Ira!" Haespar approached her with worry. "With Knoslark being a grumpy baby, and Sergeant Zhao still in a coma, by rank, you're the de-facto leader. It's a lot to take in, but what are we going to do. Cthulhu is real. Magic is real. Souls are real. New information, sure. World upending even, but that doesn't change what reality is right now for us. So, please, don't break down on me. It's just one thing at a time, just like any other problem we've dealt with before."

Ira Tameki took a deep breath. Then another. After a moment, she looked over everyone on the bridge.

"Right, you heard Haespar, but I have one correction - I'll be heading the reactor repair and re-ignition. Emily, you take everyone you need and retrieve those terminals and any other digital and electronic devices close to where the warp engine was, even damaged ones. Extract everything.

Valencio, start working on the simulation code, you'll have all the computing and raw power needed, I'll make sure of that." she saw the uncertainty and nervousness on some of the junior crew members' faces.

"It's going to be a long year, but we already did the impossible once - we broke physics and traveled thirteen billion light years in zero zeptoseconds. Let's figure out how and get ourselves back home."

[ravetillyoucry]

PUPARIA

Chapter 24: I Must Apologise

prev - chapter 1

Sitting in solitude on a desk a hundred times his size wasn't really how Hosah had planned to spend his days, but, lately, it's how he ended up.

There was something up with Teddy, that was for certain. Something on his mind, something that distracted him from what he should be putting all of his focus and attention onto- which, of course, was the shifter himself. It was unbelievably frustrating having to fight to be noticed by the man who was quite literally hired to assist him. Hosah couldn't help but feel sour the rest of the day, even when Teddy had returned, it was like he wasn't even there anyway with how distant he seemed.

The height difference was one thing, when the shifter was this small, he felt significantly further away from everyone else, even if it meant he could get objectively up close and personal as he lounged in their hands or on their shoulders. In order to be close to someone, Hosah had to be able to wrap his arms around them, intertwine fingers with eachother. Being tiny was no good for any of that.

He'd never particularly yearned to be normal, not until Teddy came along. The man did his best to made Hosah feel normal, he'd give him the credit for that, but the efforts he went to only served to make the shifter feel more and more alien by the day. Sometimes he truly thought Teddy had briefly mistaken him for some sort of stray animal with how he spoke or acted towards him.

How great it would be to grab the giant by his shirt, to shake him around and yell 'what is your problem?' until it all came spilling out. Unfortunately, when like this, the most Hosah could do was pull on his sleeve, maybe undo the button around his wrist, knowing how unbelievably frustrating those were to do-up. That didn't sound like half a bad idea, actually.

It couldn't have been their little fight that was still playing on Teddy's mind, surely. If it was, Hosah would desperately need to reconsider his choice in partnership, but for now, he'd choose to believe Teddy was more mature than that. Maybe it could've been-

"Hey." The voice cut straight through Hosah's line of thought, with a finger to go along with it poking into the side of his head. "What's up with you?"

What? Hosah swatted the finger away, momentarily speechless with confusion. How could Teddy be asking that, when he'd been acting weird for days now? The shifter scoffed once, then twice for good measure, his eyes on everything but the giant's before him.

"Nothing. Why, does something seem up? I'm fine." He spoke, his words trailing off into spluttering mutters, then silence.

Teddy loved to do this thing where, if he didn't believe a word the shifter was saying, he'd just stare, unmoving, until more excuses came up and out, with Hosah's yarn ball of a story completely unraveled into a mess of thread at the bottom of a hill. It was infuriating. Silently, the shifter sometimes thought their relationship felt more like a cat and mouse game than anything, but he kept that to himself in fear of being teased for such a ridiculous and strange thought.

After a good while of uninterrupted staring, Teddy blinked, and shrugged, "You just looked like you were thinking really hard about something."

What was really hard was the ability to play difficult when the giant smiled so casually, that stupid snaggletooth making the slightest dent in his bottom lip. Oh how badly Hosah wished to just rip it out, then maybe Teddy's face wouldn't have such an effect on him. At this point, the shifter would settle on just... Holding his face. He furrowed his brow at the thought. Not being able to grow and shrink at free will was incomprehensibly frustrating.

The worst part about Teddy's staring tactic was that it always worked.

"Well," Hosah sighed, his thumb tracing over his own knuckles whilst he took a brief glance at the giant's. Being so big was incomprehensible to him. So much so, that it was enough to completely bring Hosah out of his train of thought.

Both of them waited for him to elaborate. The shifter didn't really know what to say himself, usually his mouth would just do the work for him, but, for once in his life, his lips were sealed.

It was easier for him to shrug it off, so that's what he did. "I don't know, it's nothing, really." Hosah knew what look the giant would be wearing, so he saw no reason to look up at all.

He knew exactly what he was on his mind, it was just easier to keep it there rather than letting his thoughts become words. When you do that, you give them weight, you make them real... Something like that. It was something his caretaker had said to him, over ten years ago by now. What was he called again? Mr Greene, although by now, if he stuck to his word, it should be Doctor Greene. That was it. They'd all called everyone who worked in that horrible place doctor anyway, licensed or not. Oh, dear god, he didn't want to think about it. He'd rather think about anything else in the entire world.

"... If you say so." Teddy's head was tilted, giving the shifter that look of 'I won't verbally push you further but just know I'm doing exactly that with my mind'.

Hosah really did think about telling him. About telling anyone. Maybe the phrase he'd heard was a lie all along, and maybe putting his thoughts and his memories into words would take their weight away. Maybe that way, Jules and her knowledge wouldn't have such leverage over him. There was a different phrase in mind, but it was one he felt stupid repeating even in the comfort of his internal monologue. Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone... For the sake of his dignity, Doctor Greene's quote was the better one.

Even if he'd opened his mouth to speak, Hosah wouldn't have known what to say anyway. His experiences weren't things he'd ever made an effort to put into an order in his memory, allowing them to come back in disorganised snippets when they applied, to haunt him in the depths of sleep. It was better this way, they were infrequent, unpredictable. That sort of thing would've stressed Teddy out beyond belief, but, the shifter found comfort in the fact he didn't quite know what brought them back to the forefront of his mind. That way, he wouldn't have another plethora of things he'd try to avoid, to worry about and be afraid of. The lord knew he already had plenty he was afraid of.

And speak of the devil, a head, along with its body, came turning around the corner. The shifter wondered just what exactly had Jules of all people looking so deeply disturbed, and he could only hazard a guess. He'd seen that look before, of humiliation, of something adjacent to fear but not exactly that, something he didn't know a word for. Hosah could only guess that she'd shifted.

For once in her life, Jules didn't have a look that struck terror into her employee's hearts plastered on her face. She was pale enough in the first place, but now, she looked downright ghostly. Speechless and a little disoriented, their boss just stared the two down, like a deer in headlights. If he didn't care for Jules so deeply, Hosah would've been extensively entertained. Oh, how the tables had been turned.

"Uh.." Jules started, her fingertips running along the hem of her skirt as she fidgeted to keep it in its specific place, "Hosah. I need.. I need a word."

The hand that rested beside the shrunken shifter twitched. There was no way in hell Hosah would ever let himself be carried by his boss, never in a million years, so Teddy would have to do. As he mindlessly climbed into the still hand, Jules' words hit him like a huge tidal wave, washing over him with a horrible sickly feeling. How there was no way in hell he would've been genuinely loved if Teddy knew what had happened to him. Even when she was in such a state, a glint of judgement still hurled his way, and blasted right through him like a bullet to the head. Oh how he wished it to be literal. Unfortunately, metaphorical bullets wouldn't take him out, so he'd just have to swallow down the uneasy feeling that washed over him as Jules stared.

Hosah waited for the snarky comment when he slid down from the fingers and onto the surface of her equally large desk, near identical to the one he'd just spent hours sat on, but said snarky comment never came. Not even once Teddy had left, with their boss promptly shooing him away in the same swatting fashion the shifter had used on his finger just before.

To say Jules looked rattled was an understatement. As soon as the door clicked shut, her head was in her hands, letting out a long, pained groan.

"You won't believe what just happened." She rested her head against the desk as she spoke, hiding her face with the embarrassment.

Hosah tried to wipe the look of amusement from his own, shrugging, "It happened, finally?"

They both knew exactly what was meant by 'it'. Jules tried her very best to keep the fact she was a shifter under wraps, but it was bound to come out sooner rather than later. She'd managed for a good few years, and that in itself Hosah found impressive. Then again, she had the money to keep herself completely and utterly medicated at every moment of the day. Insurance would cover a lot, but no more than absolutely necessary, and somatotrophin was one hell of a drug to even get a hold of in the first place. Shifters in big cities like this were lucky, high populations create high demand, and Hosah didn't want to imagine what his life would be like if he really did go back to his nowhere town in Colorado.

"What do you mean 'finally'?" Jules huffed. "..And, yeah, it happened. Jeanne found me. I can't fire him, so, I'm lost on what to do."

"Jeanne wouldn't tell anyone." Getting closer was a dangerous game, but Hosah didn't really care to think about that. He'd walked this tightrope countless times before, and he’d do it again.

He placed a hand atop of Jules’, although his only could just wrap around her white knuckles.

"I guess not.. Anyway. That's not what I actually wanted to talk to you about. Bad timing." She sat up in her seat, gripping the edge of the desk like her life depended on it.

An apology, surely. It was rare these things ever happened, but on the blue moon where Jules has a little clarity and gains the ability to feel empathy just temporarily, Hosah could expect some form of regret for how she'd treated him. He'd thought about their last fight way more than he'd like to admit. There was no need to open the wound that was Chris, and there was even less of a need to rub salt into it straight after with roping Teddy in. Maybe, just maybe, she'd come to realise that.

"I've been thinking a lot about... Before. That night. I just, I need to tell you.." Here it comes, oh how Hosah had looked forward to this.

Jules admitting to you that she messed up was essentially the same as winning the lottery’s jackpot. Not only would it mean she really, really must’ve messed up, but it would’ve given you the leverage to use just how bad it was over her again and again for a long while, just until she did something probably equally as bad, but with a whole lot less remorse. Hosah thought about what he’d do with a smile on his face. Taking a week off and going up to his hometown, maybe showing Teddy all the spots he used to visit, was the first thing that came to mind.

"... I thought about it, and, it's for the best that I take you off the case."

Oh. Huh. That wasn't quite what he was expecting at all. Of course, his first instinct was to argue and fight against it, he had a duty to bring justice to those people, to himself, but, at the same time, he couldn't help but feel.. Relief. A weight lifted off of his chest. Hosah let out a heavy breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. For some reason, he didn't want to shout, or cry, or even feel bad for himself, he just felt relieved. Maybe this would be it. Maybe now he could pack up and find his cabin by the lake. He didn't quit or give up, he was simply forced to move on, and that he would do.

The pair sat in silence for a while. Jules had fully expected another argument to start, but the shifter before her was uncharacteristically calm about it all. Hosah shook his head, going to knead at his temple for a moment, before he really thought about what to say.

"How many vacation days do I have exactly?"

-~-

"So, that's it then? She just.. Took you off?" Acting oblivious wasn't something Teddy felt entirely comfortable doing, but it was something he'd do either way, because he didn't have any other choice.

"Yeah, I guess so." Hosah had been far quieter than usual. It was expected, but, as the hours passed with him barely saying a few sentences in them, it was getting concerning.

They'd been home for a bit now, and the shifter had only just really mentioned what exactly Jules had spoken to him about. It wasn't like Teddy didn't already know, he just expected.. more. This was great, though, surely. Hosah wasn't mad about it, so, even if he did find out, their relationship wouldn't be completely unsalvageable after all.

"Well, that's... That's good, no?" The giant leant over the kitchen counter, his elbows at either side of the shifter, just as the way he liked it.

"I guess so." Hosah repeated. He hadn't bothered to look up at all. Huh.

Teddy brought a finger to the top of the shifter's head, and gently stroked the messy hair atop of it. He was trying pretty much everything he knew Hosah enjoyed, and none of his tactics seemed to even slightly snap him out of his slump.

He sighed, manoeuvring himself to lean against the counter on his hands, trying not to pay attention to the shadow he overcast as he did so, "Come on. Let's go do something. It'll cheer you up."

"I told you I'm alright, I just need to.. process it." Hosah could protest all he liked, but it wouldn't stop the hand from wrapping around him any time soon.

Usually, Teddy wouldn't be so straightforward, he had manners, after all, but something told him the shifter wouldn't so openly climb into his palm as he'd done so a million times before.

"Even if you're alright, I still wanna get out of here with you." Teddy dismissed the 'but'-s as he went around their apartment grabbing his things. He briefly wondered if Felix would curse him out for calling during the back end of rush hour, but decided a little berating would be worth it, for Hosah.

It seemed the second Hosah had actually told the giant what he was so desperately needed for to speak about, his demeanour changed entirely. What was he being so weird for? Just yesterday, Hosah would've had to jump up and down with waving hands to get his attention, but now, their roles had reversed entirely. Saying it wasn't comforting for Teddy to tell him he wanted to spend time going out together would've been a lie, but that same sickly, insecure feeling had overtaken the shifter's body entirely.

"There's no point when I'm stuck like this." Hosah spoke, quietly, mostly to himself.

"What? That's never stopped us before. Is.. is that the reason boss took you off the case or something?" The giant stopped dead in his tracks, lifting the hand that Hosah sat in up close near his face, which was plastered with an expression of worry. "You know it's not a problem. What's gotten into you, huh?"

Teddy's smiling didn't have that same wooing effect as it usually did, not in this situation.

"She didn't really get into why exactly." Hosah focused on the least relevant part of the previous statement, as he usually did when he wanted a subject to be dropped.

"I see." The look on his face definitely didn't give the impression of 'seeing'. "I'm in the mood to go get dessert. Do you wanna go get dessert? Churros sound really good right now."

The thought of eating right now was not at all pleasant. The right to decline food, however, was stripped from Hosah the moment his doctor started accusing him of being 'disordered', whatever that meant. Nowadays, not being in the mood just was a cause of concern for everyone around him, and it was definitely up on his list of things that annoyed him.

His truthful and honest answer was more like 'not particularly', but his distaste for being lectured was far bigger than the literal pit that formed in his stomach, so instead, he said-

"Sure. We can just share."

Teddy's smile only brought out a long, tired sigh from the shifter. Arguing over the same issue again and again would've been a whole lot worse than just having to sit and endure it, though, so going along with the day would just be what Hosah would have to do. He didn't get it. Sure, his eating habits were bad, and sure, it definitely looks like there's something wrong with it when you look on the surface, but really, he had complete control over himself and his habits. The fact no one believed him about it only made him want to get worse. By choice, of course, as this was something Hosah did all on his own fruition.

He didn't protest as Teddy set him down on his shoulder, pulling on his winter coat all the while, and wrapping the pair essentially together under his scarf. This part was always nice. The shifter thought that, maybe if he were quiet enough, Teddy would forget he was there entirely, and he'd get away with ending the night on his empty stomach, but he was far too clingy to ever realistically do that. Hell, he could barely go five minutes without reaching up and making sure he was still there, or repeatedly asking if everything was alright. At first, his constant worrying was completely grating, but as Hosah's fondness towards the giant grew, so did his appreciation for his paranoia. It was cute, really... Although Hosah didn't feel like he was in the appropriate position to be calling anyone cute when he was like this.

It was refreshing to see the familiar face when they got into the taxi. Admittedly, the two of them had been abusing the subway system far more than the taxi services around the city lately, and with that came a good few abrasive texts to Teddy's phone from their favourite driver in the country.

"Hey, hey! You thought you could abandon me, no? Mm-mm.. This is the thing, you regulars, you always come crawling back when you try get away. Not this time, not any time." A lot of what Felix said came off as quite threatening, but given the huge smile on his face, you could never be too sure.

"I know, I know, we're.. Dreadfully sorry." Teddy shook his head, raising his hands palm up to surrender.

Felix hummed in disappointment. "Where's Pupa, huh? What's his name, I forget his name.. Your little friend, you have him?"

One thing Hosah didn't miss about the taxi services were the fact he'd been given a, frankly quite offensive, nickname that he couldn't quite shake off. To the shifter, it only served to worsen his already terrible mood, but it always brought Teddy great entertainment.

"No, no he's here... Bad day, s'all." Teddy muttered the last part under his breath.

The shifter wasn't exactly hiding, he just didn't want to make himself entirely known just yet. That was all.

"Oh, oh that I understand. My wife does these things, all the time. She shrinks herself and hides off somewhere, leaves me to make the dinner, to do everything. I do it, but you know, I don't like it. I work all day long, and it's late enough when I come home, too late to be doing these things all alone." Felix ranted for a bit, his hands moving back and forth between being up in the air and tapping against the wheel.

At this rate, Hosah began to seriously doubt the global percentage of shifters was only a singular digit.

Rather than going on for any longer, the driver turned his head back around towards the front windshield, "Anyway, enough from me, where to?"

Teddy seemed to purposefully give him a street name particularly far from where he really wanted to take the shifter, as they'd been walking out from the taxi for a good ten minutes by now. If it weren't so cold, Hosah would've quite enjoyed the fresh air.

"Sorry, I didn't think the walk was this far." Teddy didn't sound sorry, but his voice took the shifter out of his daydream, almost like he'd read his mind with his sudden change in topic.

Hosah shrugged, curling up a little tighter in the layers of soft, felt fabric. "Doesn't matter."

"Hm," The giant hummed, "I suppose it doesn't. Guess this gives us more chance to talk, anyway."

That was exactly the problem. Hosah didn't want to talk, because he knew exactly what the first question would be. It'd be something completely stupid, like-

"How's your day going?"

God. The giant was getting really good at guessing what was on his mind, even when he didn't have an overly expressive face to look at and go off of.

"You've been with me all day, so, you could take a guess." Hosah was aware of how irritating and cold he was being, but honestly, he couldn't really care less.

Teddy let out a sigh of amusement, "Right you are. You know, if it's bothering you, you could just talk about it. I'm all ears."

"I don't know what you mean."

"I just figured it'd all upset you more than it has, to be honest." Teddy continued to inquire further, no matter how harsh or vague the shifter seemed to be.

"Why would I be upset, it's just less work for me, that's.. You said that's a good thing. So. I'm not upset. That'd be stupid. I'm glad." I mean, it was partially true. In some ways, Hosah really was glad, but saying it hadn't upset him, even in the slightest, was a total lie.

The giant nodded, sagely, "Yeah. You're right. Well, at least now we're celebrating, huh? Honesty, I've been thinking about dessert all day, I would've taken you to the café, you know, the one I took you to forever and ever ago, but-"

Thank god. Hosah honestly thought he'd never stop going on until his phone started ringing. Only, a part of him missed the carefree tone in Teddy's voice when it significantly dropped.

".. My mum is calling."

The shifter always found it weird how he used 'mum' and not 'mom', but his change in voice sounded serious enough that he held back from mocking him for it, just this once.

In all the months they'd known eachother, Teddy rarely spoke about his parents. He knew his dad was a chef, and his mom was the Italian one, but that was about the end of it. Hosah had no idea if he even liked either of them very much. Although, given how defeated he both looked and sounded when he began speaking the unfamiliar language on the phone, he could guess that he didn't in fact like them, even at all.

It was in times like this where Hosah wished either of his parents taught him their mother tongue. Now was probably a bad time to think it, but, damn did whatever Teddy was talking about sound hundreds of times hotter when he couldn't understand a word of it. For once, his slight accent was being put to work, and the sound was like honey to the ears. All the shifter could do was pray whatever was being spoken about wasn't completely tragic, otherwise he'd definitely be eating his words.

His curiosity only grew the longer the call went on for, until it ended. Hosah didn't want to outwardly ask in fear of coming off as nosey, but what he did want was to know exactly what they were talking about, and every detail of it.

Teddy had stopped dead in his tracks. He mumbled a little bit, but ultimately, the only thing he'd said was a mix of 'um's and 'mm's. The shifter could only watch as he bit his lip, putting his phone back in his pocket with one hand, and cradling his head with the other.

"I.. She- I think.. I need to sit down. Let's go sit down, I need, I need a minute- a couple minutes."

Hosah could only drop his sulking act immediately as the words came spilling out of the giant's mouth. It wasn't often he seems lost for words, and given how he was right now, lost would've been a complete understatement. There was a really, really good chance that the shifter would in fact be eating his words.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Farmer has a kid with Jio or Daia and introduces them to Kiwi 🥺🥺 Kiwi thinks babies are weird but they're her friends' family so she vows to protect the child. Baby can see Kiwi as the junimo she is and they become friends as the kid grows older.

Alternatively, the farmer has married Corine and had a child, they secretly take the baby and introduce them to grandmama Helen.

I'm so sorry these ninjas have taken over my brain and are living there rent free 😩 I'm already holding back on half the hcs and shit I have for them, if I don't talk about them my head will explode like a pressure pot

Omg all this ideas is so cute 🥺❤️

Here are a short stories about these sweetest moments, thanks for the ask! 💕

_________________________________________

The Farmer feels guilty and a liar that they can't tell their dearest spouse the truth. That this is no ordinary walk with their shared child, their precious little one, through the spring woods. But it's not just Farmer's secret.

It is Helen's long-awaited meeting with her grandchild, a child she will not be able to pamper and cherish, sew warm baby clothes and give toys to like an ordinary loving grandmother. The duty to the Lady and the safety of her family for a high-ranking member of the Cult of the Lady with the red tail is worth much more than her own happiness. Still, she is grateful to fate that her daughter's partner turned out to be a kind and patient person who knows both for the Cult and everything else that is hidden from human eyes.

She is grateful, that Grandpa's grandchild realizes how heavy the burden of being a follower of the Lady's cult is.

Helen thanks Yoba that the Farmer respected her secret by not telling either Corine or Ezekiel about her staged death. Grateful that they arrived on time at the meeting place.

The moment had come. So much worry in Helen's ever-quiet mind.

"Thank you for coming," coming out of her disguise, she stood before a slightly smiling Farmer with a baby in their arms. Helen's heart was pounding so fast it was about to jump out of her chest. She stepped closer, peering into the baby's eyes.

Helen expected frightened look, but she was greeted by the baby's ringing laughter. Joy and curiosity on the child's face, but not fear.

Tears ran down her wrinkled cheeks.

"Ah, the baby looks like her mother," Helen's voice quivered, and her hands began to shake a little. She was ready for anything, but she didn't know what to do with the overwhelming feelings of happiness and joy.

She didn't think she would live long enough to see her grandchildren.

_________________________________________

"Well, Kiwi," announced the Farmer cheerfully, "it's time for introductions."

An excited Junino jumped in anticipation of finally seeing the little one that Jio, Daia, even Lady and Blair had talked about so often. Everyone got to see the little child, and only poor Kiwi wasn't called. Unfair!

Finally, today, justice would be served and the ninja-junimo would see with her own eyes the reason for such a frenzy.

The farmer, holding their adorable baby in their arms, dropped to one knee carefully so Kiwi could get a better look. The baby gazed up at Junimo, and Kiwi realized that magic flowed in Farmer's offspring as well. The child's curiosity, the little hands that reached for the startled Junimo.

"Oh! Kiwi is not a toy! Kiwi is an assassin!" She was still stunned.

"Why is the little man so small? Humans are tall, like Jio or Scary Lady. And this little man is as small as Kiwi!"

The child didn't seem at all frightened by the incomprehensible talking fruit, but only laughed, still holding out their hands to the new acquaintance.

"The little one.... wants to be friends?" For a moment, she wondered. "Kiwi's friend! Yes!''

Jio's relief, Daia and Farmer's smiles, Kiwi bouncing, the laughing child - neither of them remembered their gatherings being so wholesome, like a reunion of relatives.

"Kiwi will teach the little friend to throw knives!"

"No!" Oh, these two are sure to be best friends and daredevils at Ridgeside Village for sure.

[caniasfire]

@accultant asked: ☕️ + Gale?

how many glasses of wine had he drank already? he lost count. but he kept on calling the waiter, and they kept on filling his glass. he had only begun drinking more rapidly after talking about astarion, unpleasant memories flooding his mind, uncomfortable feelings wrapping around him. he felt nauseous. pathetic, you're pathetic. he could hear the laughter . . . was it the other people in the tavern? or was it his brother? his father? everyone else in the court? was it him? long nails dig into his palm as he clenches his fist, his lips pressed into a tight line. he downs the glass in one go and presses his eyes shut afterwards, fighting back the nausea. weak, small, feeble, gullible.

iago breaks him out of the prison of his mind with a question, and he stares at them, through them, like they're speaking in an incomprehensible language. "gale?" he gestures to the waiter, who doesn't look too happy to be returning to his side again. "gale." he moves the glass away too soon, making the waiter spill some of the wine, but he doesn't pay attention to that. he just keeps drinking. "he talks like-- like why can't he talk like a normal person? does he think he's better because he knows big, fancy words? does he think i'm stupid because i don't understand half of what he says? as if i didn't have enough people staring at me because of my accent. oh, but if i had a high elf accent i bet it would be sexy and mysterious." well, that's not necessarily about gale. he had never treated him differently because of it, unlike other people they had met in their travels. "i can't stand him he's irresistible. i bet he talks shit about me behind my back." maybe if he says that enough times he'll believe it, but he needed to justify his anger one way or another.

he runs a hand around his neck, and feels the scars the vampire left behind there. a constant reminder, for the rest of his life. "i don't get him. why me? why did he call to me? why did he. . . it was going to be so easy, soooo fuckin' easy." he bares his teeth, it's almost a smile. "i was going to snatch it for myself and finally for the first time in my life be on top. i was going to be a conqueror. they wouldn't control me no longer." clink, clink, clink. he taps his fingernails against the glass, wine slides down his chin as he drinks. "i had it all planned out, i even got ketheric to kneel." he wipes the wine off with the back of his hand with a little too much force. "but now, here i fuckin' am. after all the people i've doomed, all the people i've killed, here i am, playin' good guy. all because . . . " he takes in a deep breath and sighs loudly, shaking his head. "why me?" his eyes shift color for a second, a warm orange flicking across bright yellow irises. he closes his eyes, hands pressed against them; it felt like his skull was going to split open. he gets up a little too quickly and barely catches himself from falling with the table. his usual struggle with maintaining his balance combined with all the glasses of wine he had didn't really help him in making his way to the bathroom, but he eventually got there.

[s-t-a-c-y-y-y]

Dog of Chaos - Part 1

Chikn stared into the void, processing everything that had happened within the last few hours. His anger from being rejected by his friends led him to transform everyone and everything into abstract, incomprehensible shapes. There wasn't a single ounce of joy left inside of the deity, and the only emotions that remained were guilt, shame, and an endless supply of dread. The whimsical music that once filled his world was now replaced with pure silence. The silence was so deafening to Chikn that it pierced his long ears like needles.

Suddenly, out of the silence, Chikn heard a familiar giggle. It was Bezel, the embodiment of time and the seemingly innocent Clock-faced being that he was naive enough to view as a guardian.

"Ha! Look what you've done, my friend!" Bezel jeered. "Oh boy, you should've seen the look on your face! The drama! The chaos! Oh my, it was beautiful!"

Chikn didn't respond, nor did he even look at Bezel. He continued staring into the void, pretending that Bezel wasn't even there. Still, Bezel approached the dog-like god, not even caring much about his emotions.

"Oh, don't be sad, buddy!" Bezel said to Chikn while stroking his head. "Maybe this will cheer you up!" Out of nowhere, Bezel grabbed out a half-empty bag of popcorn. He had been eating out of it while he watched Chikn unleash his wrath upon the world. "I've got leftovers!" Bezel giggled as he waved a piece of popcorn in front of Chikn's face.

Still, Chikn didn't respond.

Bezel started to get frustrated. "Listen, Chikn. You should be happy that this happened! You should be glad that you finally got to use your godly powers to your biggest potential! You should be PROUD!" Bezel tried to sound as motivational as possible.

"Proud?" Chikn said in an enraged tone. "I should be PROUD?"

"Woah, there, buddy!" Bezel yelped. "There's no need to bark at me like that! How rude!"

Chikn was looking directly at Bezel's face. Bezel had seen Chikn angry before, but this was the first time the anger was directed at him. It was truly terrifying. Still, Bezel tried not to show his fear to the deity. After all, dogs can detect fear. Well, that's what Bezel thought. Despite being the god of time itself, Bezel was about as bright as a digital watch with a broken screen.

"I'm not proud!" Chikn roared. "I ruined my friend's lives without them even knowing it! I destroyed everything and everyone that I've ever loved and ever known! I'm NOT proud! I'm ashamed of myself! I'm a LOSER!" Chikn's anger had led to a ring of fire developing around him and Bezel.

Bezel turned his back to Chikn. "You don't understand, do you?" Bezel whispered to Chikn. "I set this up! Your world was so boring before! It was just the same jokes repeated over and over and over again! You can only laugh at the same jokes so many times! It was HORRIBLE! I HATED IT!"

Chikn couldn't believe what he was hearing. 'You hated seeing me happy?" Chikn asked.

"Not just that, bird-dog!" Bezel hollered. "I realized how un-special everything was. I wished there was a way to fix it, and then it hit me!" Bezel continued rambling on, pacing back and forth in front of the confused and irate Chikn. "I came to your world to get you and everyone else in your world into finally doing something interesting for once, and guess what? IT WORKED! I finally enjoyed it, and so many others behind the fourth dimension did as well! It was a spectacle! The trauma, the drama, the horror, everything about it was great! You became so much better than your boring old self! That's why you should be proud!"

Chikn was trembling with rage. He loved the way life was before Bezel arrived, and apparently, people hated that. How was that a bad thing? He didn't understand. He just couldn't help but let out the loudest, most anguished scream he had ever let out. He roared as his body transformed into an abstract mess of shapes and colors. It was so unbelievable that even Bezel didn't want to look at it.

What happened after? Well, stay tuned...

[igotanidea]

Eyes open: Jason Todd x banshee!reader part 2

part 1: not an average girl.

dedication: this is for my long anon, obviously ;) :*

warnings: some easter eggs, cause it's not only dc x reader, but also marvel x reader :D

***

We live in times plagued by an epidemic of loneliness.

8 miliard people in the world and yet - so many of them keep on carrying the weight of their own troubles by themselves, not having a single person to talk to.

8 miliard people and more often than not, even those who are surrounded by people on every day basis feels like they have no one they could truly trust and open up to.  

And Y/N felt it too.

Even when living in her little town where everyone knew everyone.

So once she moved to New York, which was like a whole new world and seeing the see of people, the lights and neons and commercials on every corner, the cars and underground and having to deal with to many things and stimuli all at one, almost gave her anxiety.

But she was strong, she had to push through and try and figure out who she was and - hopefully - what was her place in the world.

And that was why she choose the big apple.

***

Her conversation with her mum was not as bad as she might have expected, but also - the topic of the discussion couldn’t be further from normal.

A banshee.

She was a freaking banshee, also known as the messenger of the death.

Definitely every young woman’s dream, right?

And - classic - no one bothered to inform her about it and she had to find out from some dying talking wolf.

Y/N could barely remember the walk from forest to home, believing what happened to her was just a crazy dream, from which she would wake up any second and end up laughing about whatever her tired, stressed mind have been producing.

But this was not a dream, it was reality.

And even thought she didn’t look like an Irish demon there was still something in her blood that give her some special abilities.

In other words - she was a freak.

„Y/N! Just calm down!” her mother cried out, seeing Y/N’s pale face and trembling hands. In return she got a desperate half-chuckle, half-sob and spilled cup of tea. „Look, I had no idea you will be the gifted one and -”

���gifted? How is that gifted?! It’s more like a curse.

„Y/N--”

„don;t Y/N me!”

„oh, please” her mother almost rolled her eyes at Y/N’s distress. „You make a fuss about something you have no idea about and --”

„I have no idea.” the girl interrupted „because someone kept it a secret from me-”

„Told you I had no idea that it would be you who -”

‘but you knew it was a general possibility!!”

„I was lucky enough for the mutation to omit my generation-”

„Lucky?! So you’re admitting it is in fact a curse!”

„could you please stop yelling?” her mother stood up abruptly and moved to close the door shut. „they don;t need to know.” she was obviously referring to Y/N’s stepdad and stepsister.

 „How?! Why?! What else don’t I know?!Is there a vampire in the family as well? Or- maybe you’ll tell me that grandma was a werewolf?!”

„This is not a freaking twilight Y/N! Or whatever other teenage movie you have watched!”

„But sure as hell is starts to remind me of teen wolf!”

„Stop screaming!”

„No, you stop screaming!”

The truth was, that they were both screaming at each other and closed door did nothing to muffle the sounds. The voices were echoing through the entire house, even though the individual words were incomprehensible. (luckily for the rest of the household).

„Just say it, you were ashamed you had a daughter with some mutation!”

„For the third time - I didn’t know!I had my suspicions it could be you but-”

„You what?” Y/N;s voice got way more hurt and angered, all the emotions escaped from her like from a popped balloon after hearing this half-sentence. „Mum....”

„I’m sorry, sweetie...” her mother grabbed both of her hands squeezing them reassuringly, trying to make Y/N look into her eyes „I truly am, I should have told you about family blood, but I wanted to protect you....”

„Classic excuse.” the girl muttered

„classic excuse of a concerned parent.”

„i;m not a kid anymore! I’m 17! Almost 18!”

„you were not ready for it, Y/N.”

„well now I have to confront this crazy reality without any previous preparation! God, mum! It’s like waking up one day bleeding from the uterus without knowing what period is!”

„Did you just compared being a banshee to menstruation?” her mother chocked on the tea,

„I did not --oh...” her eyes grew wide „oh, damn, I did” she chuckled once, then twice and before she noticed, both she and her mother were laughing out loud about quite unfortunate parallel, the tension gone almost instantly.

„so what now?” the girl asked after a moment

„What do you mean?”

„dunno. You tell me. Do I get some training or something? How do I control it?”

„You don’t.”

„I don’t?!”

Her mother only shook her head.

„It’s not like in the movies or in the books. There is no magic switch that allows you to just turn it off or on. You just have to explore it by yourself.”

„are you sure there’s no instruction manual?”

„definitely not. It;s an individual matter and you have to find your own path” her mother just said

„Well, for the whole not-a-movie line of thinking, this one sentence kind of broke the whole argumentation....”

***

Her own path.

Since, technically speaking she still felt like a freak, it got the wheels in her brain turning.

What was the best place to find out herself and get to learn how to live with her so called gift?

What was the only city that could possibly accept another enhanced human?

Where on Earth she would both fit in the crowd and got space for pursuing the individuality?

Well-

She’s always been a fan of the Avengers....

***

New York.

To quote the classic: concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

Mhm. Right.

But before you reach your mental Empire State building, you have to adjust and become a countryman starting from learning the right accent ending on the skill of stopping the cabs in the never ending traffic and crowd.

18 year old girl living alone in a foreign city.

So many things could go wrong.

But for the first time in her life she felt like she was the one making choices and taking control of her own life. Freaking powerful feeling. And hey! She was a banshee! A literal banshee so everyone better make way cause here she comes!

Being smart and resourceful she got into NYU on R&D and technology faculty and all signs in heaven and earth was showing that she was on the highway to an internship at Stark Industries. If only it wasn’t for this little nerd named Peter Parker.... She could feel something was off with him.

***

So, generally speaking, life was good.

Except for the loneliness. The worst kind of it, loneliness in the crowd when on one hand you feel like  a part of buzzing life and estranged and cut out from society on the other.

But with 8 miliard people in the world, almost 19 millions in NY you just got to keep your eyes open.

***

They first met in the pots and pans section of the supermarket.

She was looking at an air fryer placed at the top that came with the Iron Man puzzle gift set.

Even though she was taller than most of her peers, she couldn't reach it. To hell with high store shelves!

Just as she was about to take a quick trip to shoe shop just to buy a pair of high heels for help, a pair of strong arms appeared in front of her and handed her the air fryer she wanted.

She took it dully, her eyes following those arms once more, her mind restless.

It was another air fryer, different in that the other one came with the Captain America puzzle gift set.

Before she knew it, she was giving a thumbs up.

Just then, he looked over at her.

The first thing she noticed was how handsome he was, and the second thing made her chuckle because he gave her a thumbs up as well. Talk about modern communication where gestures serves as words,.

"You have good taste," he told her, along with a devilish grin, that only confirmed her belief he gave her the star spangled man piece on purpose.

„considering what I was going for - definitely.” she laughed „but thank you either way.”

„wait.” he made a funny face „you’re not actually telling me you prefer the guy with money and technology over the actual hero.”

She smirked. It was no secret that there has always been a bit of civil war between Tony’s and Steve’s fans.

„And what if I do?” Y/N teased, shocked by her own boldness.Maybe the city was having bigger effect on her than she previously thought.

She smirked. It was no secret that there has always been a bit of civil war between Tony’s and Steve’s fans.

„And what if I do?” Y/N teased, shocked by her own boldness.Maybe the city was having bigger effect on her than she previously thought.

'There are so many wrong things with that sentence" the guy rolled his eyes, almost as if he got some first hand experience with billionaire heroes/vigilantes "I suppose I’ll have to convince you you’re wrong?”

„Huh! Classic mansplaining?”

„Say, would you like a cup of coffee? My treat." he raised an eyebrow and she hesitated. After all he was a stranger. „Backing down from a challenge, princess?”

„Oh it’s on!” he was a stanger and she was a banshee. If anyone would feel upcoming tragedy it would definitely be her.

Yeah... you just gotta keep your eyes open.

Out of all the places in the world - Jason and Y/N’s story began in a small household appliances department.

....

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

tti episode 4

“Last time on Total Takes Island- the Inane Anons took on the Flying Fujoshis in an epic game of dodgeball. There was blood, sweat, even some tears- but in the end, Peter took a serious crash and the Anons got to stay to play another day. Who will sustain a life-threatening injury? And who will get out with only minor cuts and bruises? Find out now, on Total! Takes! Island!”

The Inane Anons are sitting atop the steps to their cabins, impatiently waiting for the challenge to begin early in the morning. Kelly steps outside and smiles. “Good morning, everyone!”

The team grumbles back, most of them still half-asleep. Julia sighs and closes her eyes for a moment before being abruptly woken up by a loud scraping noise. Everyone whips around to see Kelly dragging a huge portable tanning bed out of the cabin. 

“What the hell is that?” Max asks. 

Scary giggles, earning a glare from Julia. “I hope it’s a coffin,”

“Or a transportation device that’ll take me out of here,” O sighs.

“Looks like a portable tanning bed to me, baby,” Austin says, jogging around to the other side of the machine and lifting it with Kelly. “I’ve got my own at home.”

“Great. That’s awesome,” Max mutters. Austin rolls his eyes and helps Kelly carry the device to the communal bathrooms. 

“A little impractical,” Scruffy shakes their head, taking notes on their little pad of paper before flipping it closed and tucking it in their pocket.

“What’s that thing for, anyway?” Max asks, holding his face in his hands and leaning on his knees. 

“Oh, I’m just taking notes on everything. For my thesis, you know? I’ve already seen all the past seasons a million times, so I know what the challenges are going to be, but this is with a whole new cast. It’s kind of like an experiment to me,”

---

MAX: In all honesty, Scruffy wouldn’t be a bad ally to have. They seem to be one of the less mentally unwell members of the team, and having all of that information could be helpful…

---

“Alright, campers- your next challenge starts in five! And make sure to bring your A-game!”

Bonnie walks alongside Caesar on their way to the designated “challenge area” for the day, hands in their pockets. “Do you think this one’s gonna be anything?”

“Well, Mal said that this is the talent episode, right?” 

“Did she?” 

“I was talking to her and Ass earlier. You know, making connections,”

“Ah, okay. Talent show, then,”

Courtney watches their conversation from a few feet away and frowns, clearly troubled, but they don't say anything. McLovin jogs to keep up with them and notices their expression, giving them a look of vague concern.

Patrick and Kitty stay some distance behind, but it’s clear he’s still paying attention as Kitty frolics. “Talent show. Hm. How can we work with this?”

Kitty babbles something incomprehensible and scales a nearby tree. 

The team arrives at a shabby, half-built outdoor theater, lined with splinter-covered bleachers. The Anons are already there, sitting on one side of the area with their team’s logo on it. Mal- who inexplicably seems to have arrived before anyone else, somehow- waves over Ass. “Saved you a seat!”

“That doesn’t even make any sense. The bleachers are empty,” Courtney says. 

“Don’t be a hater, Court,” McLovin gives them a faint smile and playfully elbows them. Courtney grumbles back. 

“Welcome to our newly rebuilt amphitheater!” Chris walks out on stage, holding his arms out for emphasis. “This week’s challenge is one of my favorites: a talent show!”

Caesar nods with a smirk as the Anons look at each other nervously. 

“Each team will have five hours to choose their three most talented campers and train them to perform on stage for their teams, where Chef will judge via the Chef-o-Meter!”

“Oh, me! Me!” Kelly waves their hand in the air. 

“What’re you gonna do? Tan us to death?” Julia asks, to which Kelly glares. “I’m sorry, which one of us took eight years of competitive new-wave gymnastic-aerobic fusion classes?”

Julia rolls her eyes and leans back, crossing her arms over her chest. Max shrugs. “Any other volunteers?”

Frollo begins to raise a hand, to which Max immediately says no. 

Scruffy clears his throat. “I might step in,”

“I don’t think competitive note-taking is really a talent, Arachne,” Scary giggles, looking over from where they’re carving gore into the bleachers with a sharpened rock. 

“No, way, I was my province’s spelling bee champion for five years,” 

Everyone groans, except for Max. “Eh, why not?”

Julia glares. “Are you serious?”

“What? Intelligence is always impressive,”

“Unbelievable,”

“Do you think you could do better?”

She pauses, looking long and hard for an answer, but eventually gives in and leans back. Max smiles. “Anyone else have anything in mind?”

Everyone looks at each other. Austin suddenly smiles. “I-”

“Anything appropriate?”

He falls silent. Finally, O clears his throat. “I can drink a gallon of milk in under thirty minutes,”

“What? How is that a talent?” Michael asks. 

“If you’ve ever tried it, you’d know,”

“Well, if that’s all, I guess we got our players,” Max sighs. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”

---

“I say we go for Kitty,” Patrick says, crossing his arms smugly. “Last night I saw them strip the bark off an entire tree with their teeth.”

“What?” Courtney asks, looking over to where Kitty is digging a hole in the ground on all fours. “I don’t know if… you know what, whatever. That’s fine.”

“What about Mal?” Ass asks. “She does modern dance.”

“Aw, you’re flattering me, I’m really so bad, not even comparable,” Mal chuckles. “But yes, I accept.”

Courtney stares. “Wait, shouldn’t we vote on that?”

“I don’t think anyone has anything against it,” Caesar shrugs. “Now, let’s talk about meeeee!”

“I’m sure hosting is really great, but it’s not really what we’re looking for,” Patrick says coldly. “My vote for Kitty still stands.”

---

PATRICK: "If you’ve ever seen Total Drama before, you’ll know that the consistent winners are the freaks, the losers, and the physically unattractive. Think about it- Owen, Beth, Mike- by allying myself with the most deranged team members, I’m guaranteeing myself a ride to the finale.”

---

“Ok, how about we substitute Caesar for Mal?” Courtney says hopefully. “That way, we can get Kitty in, too!”

“There are three slots, silly!” Mal smiles. “Plenty of room for all of us!”

“Not so fast,” McLovin rises from his seat. “I want to compete.”

Mal snorts. 

“What’re you gonna do? Show everyone how to fit through a keyhole?” Patrick asks. McLovin glares back. 

“I’ll have you know I’m an expert magician,” 

“Yes! Okay, Caesar, McLovin, and Kitty- it’s perfect!” Courtney says, grabbing McLovin’s shoulders. 

---

Courtney stares at the confessional camera for a few moments before sighing. 

COURTNEY: It’s not that I hate Mal, it’s just that… Well, it’s a long story. The two of us kinda go way back… But I know if she gets up there, she’ll throw the challenge, like she’s been doing for the past few, I’m sure... I can’t let us lose.

---

“Actually, I think I’ll sit this one out,” Caesar shrugs. “It might be fun watching from the other side of the screen, if you catch my drift.”

“Aw, but-”

“Perfect! Me, McLovin, and Kitty!” Mal smiles. “It’s settled!”

A look of nervousness crosses Courtney’s face and they walk away. 

---

“Welcome to the second Camp Wawanakwa official talent contest, where six campers will showcase their skills and desperately try not to humiliate themselves, and then likely fail at that!" Chris chuckles. An intern attempting to fix a lighting feature in the dark falls off the catwalk and lands next to Chris, who has no reaction. "First up for the Flying Fujoshis is Kitty!”

Their team cheers weakly as they scamper out on stage, where a log has been placed in the center. The Inane Anons watch in confusion as Kitty gnaws at it like a beaver, chewing it down into splinters. Scattered applause follows, and a few Fujoshis glare at Patrick as the Chef-o-Meter gives them 3/9 points. 

“Next up, for the Inane Anons- Kelly!” 

A round of cheers opens their act as they bound on stage in a leotard, sporting a ribbon and a baton. They bow, then throw the baton in the air, using the ribbon to lasso it back, and then do an elaborate and mesmerizing cartwheel and backflip sequence through the ribbon, landing perfectly on their feet. 

The Inane Anons give a standing ovation (Austin cheering especially loud right in Max's ear) and Chef gives a nice 6/9. 

“Alright, very nice! Next up we have the wonderful Miss Mal doing an interpretive dance piece for the Fujoshis!”

Courtney groans and puts their head in their hands. 

Mal walks on stage, wearing an odd outfit that strongly resembles a garbage bag, and then begins to do the most uncoordinated, odd, somewhat offensive dance sequence that any contestant has ever seen. Chris’ eyes widen in both shock and amusement as he chuckles. “We’re gonna have to censor some of that, huh? Let’s see what Chef has to say!”

1/9

“Nothing good. Excellent!”

The Fujoshis look at each other nervously. “Next up, let’s hear it for O!”

The Anons cheer as O steps on stage, holding a gallon of milk and looking incredibly nervous. Max shakes his head. “We’re dead, aren’t we?”

O raises the jug and begins drinking. Chris watches nearby in bewilderment as he finishes about 1/3rd the jug before a pale, sickly look crosses his face and he runs backstage to throw up. 

2/9

“Wow. Impressive display from the Anons,” Chris chuckles. 

Backstage, McLovin peers around the curtain nervously, swallowing a lump in his throat as Ass coaches him. “No pressure, okay? Our team’s win is on your shoulders, but no pressure,”

“No pressure,” he repeats, trembling, pacing back and forth. “No-” 

McLovin stumbles backwards, tripping on his magician's cape and crashing into the table of props, crushing most of them. Ass gasps. “Oh, this is so not good!”

“No- no- I can fix this!”

“What could you possibly do now?! Pull a dove out of your-”

“I’m talented in many ways,” he says confidently, tearing off his cape and handing it to Ass. “McLovin always pulls through!”

“Next up, last one for the Fujoshis- McLovin’s Magic Ex… Extravaganza… who wrote these things?” Chris says, tossing away his cue cards. 

McLovin approaches the microphone with a solemn look on his face. He takes a deep breath before continuing.. “The magic show has been canceled,” the Fujoshis give each other nervous looks. “Hit it.”

A nearby intern puts a record on a turntable and a funky beat starts playing. McLovin nods along to the beat and immediately starts busting it down. His sweet breakdancing moves captivate the entire audience for the few minutes he goes on, dead silent and serious as the plague. 

The song ends and he spins into a perfect closing pose, earning a round of standing applause. Chef gives it an 8/9. 

“Despite their rocky start, the Fujoshis are currently leading with 12 points to the Inane Anon’s 8. It’s gonna take a solid performance to win this!”

Everyone glares at Max, who tries his best to keep a straight face. Scruffy steps out on stage, dressed neatly with their hair pulled back. They approach the microphone with a smile as an intern hands Chris another set of cue cards. 

“Oh, great. This is really riveting, guys. Your first word is necessary,”

“Necessary,” Scruffy smiles. “N-e-c-e-s-s-a-r-y.”

Scattered applause follows the sound of a correct ding!

“Loquacity,”

“Loquacity. l-o-q-u-a-c-i-t-y,”

“Chiaroscurist,”

Scruffy pauses to think for a moment. “Could I have a definition, please?”

Chris squints at the index card. “An artist who uses shade and lighting over color to make illusions of depth.”

“C-h-i-a-r-o-s-c-u-r-i-s-t,”

The Anons hold their breath in silence as they lean forward, on the edge of their seats. 

“Staphylococcus,”

“Um... Definition?”

“It’s a type of bacteria or something. I dunno, dude,” Chris chuckles, tossing the cards away again as interns rush to replace them in his hand. 

Scruffy is beginning to look nervous. “S-t-a-ph-y-l-o-c… um, o-c-c-u-s,”

“Correct! One more!” Chris says cheerily. “You’re gonna love this one!”

The Anons look at each other anxiously, and Scruffy crosses their fingers behind their back. 

“Your final word is Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis,”

Max noticeably winces, and the rest of the team sucks in their breath. A bead of sweat trickles down Scruffy’s face as a grin spreads across Chris’. The Fujoshis are already smiling and fist-bumping each other, congratulating their fellow team members on the win. All but Mal, who’s looking a little annoyed. 

“Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis,” Scruffy says, voice trembling. “Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis…”

The Inane Anons are biting nails, pulling hair, and staring intently. Even Chris seems invested as he leans forward with wide eyes.

Scruffy takes a deep breath, and then, in a calm, collected voice: “P-n-e-u-m-o-n-o-u-l-t-r-a-m-i-c-r-o-s-c-o-p-i-c-s-i-l-i-c-o-v-o-l-c-a-n-o-c-o-n-i-o-s-i-s!”

Chris stares in awe. "That's... that's correct!"

The crowd stares in shock for a moment before the Anons jump to their feet, screaming and cheering. 

---

JULIA: I’ve never seen anyone so hyped over spelling, but… I gotta hand it to Scruffy. That rocked.

---

“And Chef gives Scruffy’s spelling an 8/9, putting the Anons at 16 points and winning the game! What a game! What a game!” Chris shouts, tossing the cue cards in the air for interns to scramble over and pick up. 

The Fujoshis groan as the Anons cheer, surrounding Scruffy on stage and hoisting him up, carrying him like a king back to their cabins. 

“Fujoshis- I’ll see you all at the campfire soon,” Chris chuckles. 

---

MAX: Aaaaaand my judgment was right all along. Big surprise!

---

“Fujoshis- you’re here because you sucked. Big time. But only one of you will be going home tonight. 

You know the drill- whoever doesn’t get a marshmallow must walk the dock of shame, board the boat of losers, and never return, ever. 

And the first marshmallow goes to…

McLovin and his wicked moves. 

Mal, you’re safe, too. For some reason,” Chris chuckles. 

“Courtney, Bonnie, Caesar. Safe.

Ass, Sha-Mod, you’re still on. 

Kitty- your disappointing performance left a lot to be desired- and Patrick, you’re the one who vouched for Kitty while losing the respect of all of your teammates. If it were up to me, I’d send you both home. But it’s not! So…

Kitty…

…You’re safe.”

Everyone turns to each other nervously. Patrick stands, a look of cold hatred on his face, his fists clenched and teeth gritted. He marches over to Chris, shoving him over, and turns back one last time. “I’ll be back,” 

"Yayyyy!" Kitty smiles, waving. "Byeee!!'

Chris shivers from the ground. “Yeesh. Touchy,”

He pops up back to his feet, dusting off his shirt. “Who’s going home next time? And who’s staying to win? Find out on the next exciting episode of Total! Takes! Island!”

[yoonyia]

love my parents but I love my dad more

is that wrong of me?

they say to parents it's wrong to have a favorite child but does it go the same way for the kids?

I love my dad more then my mom because I think my dad raised me with patience love and kindness and my mom was too busy to raise me until she took me to thailand, there she had no choice but to be a parent. And when she did have to be a parent she showed us that she could not deal with people who are, by her words not mine, inhuman and incomprehensible and was in general just too slow for her liking.

She yells at me for common neurodivergent struggles like brushing my hair properly and wearing a variety of clothes. She yells at me for hours about how it's so easy and that I'm dumb for never fixing the same mistake even though she screamed it into my skull every day. That it's a basic human function and that I'm insulting her and damaging her reputation by going outside looking like an orphan. Half the time dinners end in lectures about how I eat weird or that I shouldent buy things with the money my grandparents gave me for the new year.

In the 2 years I've lived with her she said I did well twice and they were both followed by some variation of "but I could have done better."

That wouldn't make me mad if she atleast thought me or explained it to me but if I even struggle to read a sentence quickly she gets impatient and gives up. I keep telling her ideas about how for me its hard to do things that for her are super easy, I tried explaining the concept of my neurodivergence to her and she said "I will not understand you, you must settle for me tolerating you" (that's a direct translation from Korean by the way) and I asked her "is tolerating the best you can do? Even when you claim to be open minded?" and she replied with "I can be open minded about different topics but not this"

I'm not mad about prejudice or discrimination or her having a hard time understanding me, what makes me upset is the fact that she claims to be good and perfect and better then most people, no she dosent say she's perfect, but she keeps saying "I am trying my best and look at all the good I'm doing" when she's doing the bare minimum of human compassion. All the things she did to hurt me may make me want to be with her less often but it dosent make me love her any less, what does make me love her less is the fact that she keeps shutting down ideas and hurting people and saying that she's so much better then most people.

Oh yea and the biggest thing for me

She calls my dad an idiot

she calls dad and me dumb and dumber

I hate her for that

and I dont have a lot of hate in my heart

call your retarded forgetful lion haired child barely human and an imbecile all you want, it dosent care, it loves you more then those words hurt.

But call your husband a dumbass and that you would gladly abandon and leave him for any hotter, taller and richer man and you die from my hands.

Got it mother, you die.

Stop saying "we see each other too soon" when dad comes to thailand twice a month, stop telling me "I don't know if I love your father, I could have done so much better" when ever you get drunk at home.

You can, not love your husband romantically, you can go divorce him and marry someone else, that's all in your right to do, but stop talking to and about him likes he's the worst choice you ever made in your life. Don't talk about him like he's the lowest you ever stooped down and that IF YOU HAD JUST NOT MARRIED HIM YOUR LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER.

Mother, oh mother dearest, my dad is one of the most patient caring and nurturing person I have ever seen. Not just met in real life, but read about in articles or watched in the news and studied about in books. He endlessly tries to support, protect and connect with everyone in his life, he comes every single month to thailand because he loves us and he dosent mind being exhausted for work and seeing us for just a day is more then worth it for half his weekly paycheck. He spends hours trying to get the best deals on products so you can have what you want for the best quality and the best price, he spends hours studying newsarticles that you shared for me to read so that we can talk about it together, he worried day and night about his parents going to thailand and them getting lost so he made an extensive planning guide so they would never have to worry about losing their way, he calls me every morning to make sure I go to school on time and he calls you everyday to make sure you don't over work yourself. He read books for you so that you didnt have to deal with the book club you didnt like, he teached me to never bother you when youre sleeping and to always help you in anyway i can because you work really hard for us and that you are wonderful. Hes a doctor that makes you medicine for free and constantly checks on your health, worries about headaches and indigestion and prescribed medicine that was given with too high of a dose, whenever he buys groceries he makes sure theres no carcinogens in the ingredients because they are awfully common, he will accept any gift and hang it on the wall if it came from me or you just because it was given to him from us, please don't treat him like the scum of the earth, please stop treating his endless support and kindness as the norm and what you obviously rightfully deserve.

You are his world, you mean everything to him, he loves you so much that he ignores all the hateful comments you make about him. You don't have to love him back if there is no love left in your heart to give, I won't blame you for being born with a heart that dries up too quickly, you cannot change that, but please, please respect him, please care about his wellbeing, please stop sharing to the world your obvious hate for this man who has done nothing but love you with his entire soul. Please be kind, I'll settle for polite even, just stop treating the person you wed with such disgusting hatred.

I dont know what possessed me to write this.

I'm crying. I miss my mom, she's not here, she left to korea. I'm alone, well not really cause the maid (Her name is Dee, I call her 피디씨, which is basically sister in thai her name and a korean honorific, it's pronounced like PDC and I find that funny sometimes) is here and I love her too but I miss my parents.

Loneliness makes you say some weird things

I regret none of the things I said

but still I would never say this if it was any other day.

I'm sorry if this felt vent-y, I didn't mean it to, I just wanted to talk about the concept of having favorites and how it's sometimes weird to say you shouldent have favorites in semi professional or personal settings

but you all got this instead

I'm sorry

my dads calling

[rapha-reads]

No, seriously, what the FUCK is going on with this summer. Why is everything so weird and happening all at once.

I need it all to stop because I don't know how much longer I can deal with the weirdness.

Personal rant below, to avoid spamming your dash.

My mother cheats with a guy 32 years younger than her. Alright. She wants a divorce from my father and starts spewing shit about him. Um, okay. My father goes into depression, rage, pain, stability, rince and repeat. Sure, no problem, I know his character and I understand what's going on with him right now. My own anger, pain and incomprehension can take the backseat.

My father's water well suddenly stops working for 3 weeks, impossible to water the trees in the middle of a summer from hell. Problem, but after weeks of checking everything, wasting money on pieces of the pump and ferrying around workers, we manage to find that the problem is neither the pump nor the water levels, but the pipe that was cracked on like 5cm and it only needed to be cut. 3 weeks and thousands of dirhams wasted for nothing. Really annoying.

Weird lights in the sky, sudden gusts of wind carrying around sand and dust, heat, no rain, dry storms... Yeah. Eerie on the good days, downright creepy scary on the bad days.

The dog next house that we go give water every couple of days to avoid seeing him die of neglect before our eyes, climbing the wall and improvising a machinery to get him water. Weird, but okay. The owner of the dog actually made an appearance, my father scolded him in his very polite but firm way, told him that I was giving the dog water and to leave the rope we se to get the jerrycan, the owner agreed (he's a distant cousin of my father, welcome to Moroccan countryside, family tree more like family maze).

But now, half an hour ago, my dad is chilling in the garden talking with one of his cousins, my sister is inside reading, I'm on the veranda reading, all lights are turned off, when suddenly there's a guy entering the backyard where we have a peach tree with a couple of green peaches and the windows of our bedrooms. He just. Jumped down a wall, stole a peach, run across the backyard in front of my sister's room where she was about to get changed, climbed the back stairs and jumped over another wall.

... WHAT.

And then my father apparently saw him from the garden, and barefoot went running after him, and apparently ran around the entire village after him, met one of his cousins and his nephew, came back home without catching the guy (not even a guy, a teenager, 15-16yo). Sister and I are just about giving up on trying to understand the weirdness of the entire summer, deciding on going to give water to the dog before going to bed. I'm reaching the top of the wall when suddenly my uncle, his wife, his brother-in-law, my two cousins, my father's cousin that was there at the beginning all arrive. Oh, I forgot to mention, it's HALF PAST MIDNIGHT.

I'm. I'm fucking giving up, how in the name of SANITY am I supposed to write a bloody master's thesis in these circumstances??? I forgot to mention my sister's heart problems, the people building houses all around my dad's field and the weird encounters we have with these foreigners who already know of our reputation (did I mention that my father is kinda famous/infamous in the region because he doesn't bow down to the corrupted authorities like everyone else... That brings troubles too), the countless taxi trips to get to the town to by groceries and counting every coin because we have neither car nor money, both belonging to my mother, my mother moving houses, my mother in general...

I AM DONE. (they say, knowing full well they can't actually be excused from the narrative because their most important people need them)

[littleeyesofpallas]

Funny thing about idiots who try and hide behind, "I believe in separation of art and artist!" Is that there is not and has not ever been any actual legitimate art theory of separation of art and artist. People frequently misattribute it to Barthe's Death of the Author, despite that not being the meaning or function of that essay at all. Often people come upon some concept of "separation of art and artist" as either a half misheard/misremembered paraphrasing (else as a kind of primitive reinventing of the wheel, but in a very ungabunga appropriate fashion the wheel they think they've thought of all on their own is square.) But the origins of the idea go back to what was called New Criticism in the 1940s. You may not have ever heard of them as they were a ""literary philosophy"" that only ever existed in the United States, focused mostly on poetry but did feebly try to expand into other art forms, and even at its height really only thrived in the specific academic scenes of the American South. They are not especially well remembered because they were rendered entirely obsolete in the 1960s-70s because, and you'll never guess, feminism and the civil rights movement proved them a complete and total sham. That's a big claim let me back up...

In the mid 40s New Criticism's rise stemmed largely from the resistance to the German roots of preceding 19th century literary analysis. In Europe literary analysis had spent the past 100 years refining an emphasis on tracing links of how authorial intent and the context there of defined a work. New Critics argued that knowing facts about authors and putting work in its historical and cultural context and understanding the meaning of words and their intended uses was counterintuitive to experiencing art, and instead posited that real art stood on its own. That is to say, that they thought you could/should read words on a page and be able to judge the work's artistic value and integrity based upon the feeling in that moment and any pontificating or unpacking thereof. They championed this idea largely in support of popular poets of the time like T.S.Elliot as a kind of ward against accusations of them all being idiot fanboys who only liked Elliott's work because they knew it was Elliott's. But it was painfully transparent even to their contemporary detractors that it was all just a flimsy halfbaked excuse to not do the work of actual literary criticism.

Anyway, so how did wiminz and the blacks ruin this party for a bunch of entitled, hypocritical, southern, white collar, agrarian-fetishist land inheritors. (Oh yeah, as a random tangent of their supposed artistic values, they were also very about resisting industrialism and preserving ""the agrarian lifestyle"" which was of course specifically referring to the farming culture of the antebellum south.). Well, go figure, when people who weren't white, conventionally educated, and/or male started gaining traction in poetry these dweebs, with their "art should speak for itself" pseudo-philosophy suddenly lacked the context to meaningfully read the expression of people writing from a lived experience that wasn't cookie cutter identical to their own. So to them all that new fangled poetry and prose about life as a woman or as a black person in America were utterly incomprehensible. But while they couldn't make heads or tales of Langston Hughes, or Gill Scott Heron, the rest of academia was picking up on it all just fine.

Go figure. Who could have possibly known that their thin veneer of academic pretention and pseudo-intellectualism would be so ill equipped to actually process or even approach art as art?? Everyone. Literally the rest of the world and most of the rest of American academia at the time. Everyone knew they were full of shit from day one. They were only fooling themselves. They were basically the world's lamest, least interesting cult.

So go figure that when someone tries to invoke, "separation of art and artist!" all I can think of is how I've got good odds betting that that person's tiny little peabrain must have gone through the exact same frantic fanboy coping mechanisms that a bunch of loser T.S.Elliot groupies sitting around burning grammy and grampa's plantation money to cosplay English majors did back in the 1940s-50s to excuse themselves from having to actually learn any critical thinking or reading comprehension skills.

[thmgau]

CHAPTER 6 - BANANA STRIKE BACK [wattpad link]

---

Coming to consciousness, Cherry found herself in a near-empty room, tied up in a chair. The last thing they remembered were last night’s events, when the bananas got them. She had thrown her sword to save Leslie, but got caught by the bananas herself. They knew Leslie was a kind soul. Cherry knew they’d be back to save her.

But right now, Cherry was gonna have to deal with being tied up in a really uncomfortable chair.

“Maybe I can try to untie myself..” they thought. As they fiddled with the rope tying their wrists together, the door handle jingled a bit. Cherry stopped what she was doing instantly as Pim entered the room.

“Well, well, well.. look at what we have here!” Pim said, spinning the Bananainator in his hands. “Alright, asshole. Cut to the chase. Just do the thing.” “Oh, you mean the thing where I turn you into a banana? I wasn’t planning on doing that to you... yet.”

Cherry raised an eyebrow. “Yet?”

“You see,” Pim hummed. “You’re here as bait.” “Bait?” “I know you have friends. Remember when you all came to eat here just 2 days ago? You all were wearing those little necklaces.” “What do the necklaces have to do with anything anyway?” “Friends often wear matching necklaces to symbolize their friendship. At least, that’s how it is where I’m from.” “Does everyone where you’re from wear stupid banana costumes too or are you the outlier there?”

Pim gasped, as if he were offended. “A COSTUME? You think this is a COSTUME?”

“What else would it be?” “Uh.. my SKIN?” “You’re.. a banana?” “Well, half-banana, if we’re going off technicalities. My mom’s a human. My dad’s a banana.” “I don’t even want to think about the logistics of that- hold on a minute. Don’t you run a banana restaurant?” “Yes? Cannibalism’s legal where I’m from, it’s fine.” “Alright, not gonna question the morality of that. Why am I here as ‘bait’ anyhow?” “Oh, c’mon, I just went over that. You’re here as bait so I can turn you & your friends into bananas! Simple as that.” “Why bananas, though? Like, couldn’t you just kill us?” “Why would I kill a potential employee? That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.” “..Potential employee?” “I’m sure you’ve noticed the lack of employees here, yeah? I turn people into bananas so they work here at the restaurant & then I can take over capitalism!”

Cherry was dumbfounded. “...what?”

“You heard me. I’m going to take over capitalism!” “..first of all, you can’t take over capitalism. Second of all, why take over capitalism? Capitalism sucks bad, dude.” “Why do you want to know?” “Because what the fuck else am I supposed to do?” “Oh, I don’t know.. stay silent, maybe?” “Whatever. Better than talking to you, anyway.”

“Rude.” Pim crossed his arms. “Not like you’ll be needing to speak for much longer. I’m about to let the bananas out into the city. Soon enough your little friends will be crawling their way back to this place. Better get comfortable!”

With that, Pim left the room & shut the door, leaving Cherry alone to her own devices.

-

Leslie had stayed awake all night long.

Energy drinks & coffee mugs were scattered all across their apartment. One of those mini-whiteboards was on the coffee table, with incomprehensible writing & sketches on it. Various other papers laid around as well, with even more incomprehensible writings. Its laptop was sitting on the couch, with multiple tabs open all to the varying degree of “how to fight bananas”.

Leslie had to get Cherry back. It was racking its brain with any ideas - anything at all - to get its friend back. They were afraid Juniper, Nora, & Kalani wouldn’t believe them. Cherry getting kidnapped by bananas? It was absurd!

As they scribbled something down on another piece of paper, an alarm went off on their phone. They pulled out their phone to check it.

Class was in 15 minutes.

“SHIT!” it yelled, grabbing its laptop & the charger in a frenzy. They ran out of their apartment faster than they ever had.

-

“So, what’s the plan?” “Uh.. I dunno.”

Juniper & Nora were relaxing in Kalani’s apartment. Juniper was sprawled across the couch, while Nora sat in the recliner. Kalani was hovering (not literally) over the couch, with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“I guess we could watch TV.” Nora shrugged. “Not like we have classes today anyway.” “Sounds like a plan to me.” Juniper grabbed the TV remote & flipped the TV on, flipping through the channels.

“Have any of you heard from Cherry or Leslie lately?” “No. Last I saw them was yesterday at the mall.” “Same here. Usually Les sends us a good morning text, but.. nothing.” “That’s strange.

Juniper stopped flipping the channels. Ze had landed on the news station.

“The news? Really?” “Leslie was gonna break into that banana restaurant, weren’t they? Maybe they’re on the news.” “Alright.”

The news reporter appeared on screen, along with some footage of bananas with arms & legs walking around.

“Good morning, Cincinnati! Today we have some concerning news for you. Starting around 3:47 AM last night, people have reported seeing human-sized bananas walking around the city. Most of them seem to not be doing much harm, but others have reported that the bananas have broken into homes & buildings. We recommend you don’t go out today, & lock your doors, but if you must then please stay safe.”

Kalani, Nora, & Juniper looked at each other.

“What?” “I’m as confused as you are.”

Kalani thought about it for a second.

“The book!” he exclaimed.

Juniper & Nora turned to look at him.

“The book?” “The book said we had to ‘maintain the balance between good & evil’! Maybe this is our chance to do that!” “Oh, you’re right!” “Let me go get the book! Hold on!”

Kalani rushed to the other room.

“You really think someone would write a prophecy about fighting bananas?” “Maybe the bananas are just a stepping stone to something bigger. Something more dangerous.” “Like what?” “I dunno. I’ve never been a prophesied hero before.”

Kalani ran back into the room, book in hand. She opened it up & flipped through a couple of the pages.

“What are you looking for?” “How to get back into those sick outfits.” “You forgot already?” “Hey, not everyone has a perfect memory like you.” “My memory isn’t perfect!” “Didn’t you memorize 150 digits of Pi once?” “I did. Not anymore.” “Fair. How do we get back into the outfits?” “Just pull on the necklace.”

At once, all three of them pulled on their necklaces. They were in their magical girl outfits once again.

“Alright! What’s the plan now?” “I guess we go & find the source of the bananas.” “But where is the source of the bananas?” “I don’t know! That’s why we have to find it!” “Let’s go do that then!”

-

“AAGH! SOMEONE HELP!”

As Leslie rushed to class, they heard a scream ring out from their classroom.

They swung the doors open. Natalie was the only human there, cowering in the corner. A couple of bananas were surrounding her. Leslie had no idea how the bananas ended up getting to college campus, but nonetheless, it knew what to do.

Pulling on their necklace, they got back into their magical girl outfit, with their scythes in hand. They ran up & sliced the bananas in half. Natalie looked at Leslie with relief in her face.

“Oh, thank you- Leslie?” “Um.. hey.” “Out of everyone who could have saved me, I was not expecting it to be you.” “Well, y’know.. hold on, what are you wearing?”

Now that Natalie wasn’t surrounded by bananas, Leslie could see her outfit clearly. It was similar to the magical girl outfits, but everything that was white about the outfit was now black, & Natalie’s tie, skirt, gloves, & shoes were purple. She was also holding a small hammer in her hand, very obviously painted over with purple paint.

“Oh, uh..” Natalie stammered. “This was.. supposed to be a surprise. I was gonna rob a Walmart today after class, & you & your magical girl friends would show up, & I was gonna have a cool villain monologue &-” “Is that a.. squeaky hammer as a weapon?” “UM. NOO. IT’S A NORMAL HAMMER.”

Leslie took the hammer out of Natalie’s hands & hit it against the wall. It made a squeaky sound.

“Yup. Squeaky hammer.” Leslie yawned, handing the hammer back to Natalie. “Well- it’s all I had! Shut up!” “Ok, whatever you say.” “Anyways, what’s up with those banana guys?”

Leslie rubbed its eyes. “Um.. so Cherry & I broke into that new banana restaurant last night &-” “What new banana restaurant?” “Y’know.. Banana Man’s Banana Land?” “Haven’t heard of it.” “Oh well. We broke in there last night & found out that the owner was, like, turning people into bananas, & then we had to fight off the bananas & then Cherry got taken by the bananas &-”

Leslie yawned in the middle of their sentence.

“& I’ve, um.. been up all night trying to come up with a plan to get her back.” “You pulled an all-nighter? Jeez, no wonder you’re tired.”

Natalie spun the squeaky hammer around in her hands. “How about we make a truce? For now.” “A.. truce?” “I can’t fight you in the state you’re currently in. Not to mention, the bananas.. So we’re forming a truce!” “Um... ok.” “Alright! Let’s go, trucie!”

-

“Did I ever tell you guys my sibling’s coming back to Cincinnati?” “They are?”

Juniper & Kalani were in the back of Nora’s car, driving around. They were still looking for the source of the bananas walking around the city. They thought it would be nice to have some conversation so it’s not boring.

“Yea, they said somethin’ about dropping out of college.” Nora explained. “I get it.” Juniper nodded. “College can be stressful sometimes.” “When are they comin’ back?” Kalani asked. “Oh, sometime tomorrow. I’ll have to go pick them up from the airport.” “Ah. Good luck.” “Thanks-”

Nora was interrupted by her stomach growling. “Oh, maybe we should get some breakfast, huh?” “How about we go back to that banana restaurant? The food there was pretty g-” “THE BANANA RESTAURANT!” Kalani perked up. “That might be where the bananas are coming from!” “Oh, you’re right!! How did we not think of it before?!” “To the banana restaurant we go!”

-

It had probably been a few hours. Cherry couldn’t tell how long she had been here, & everything hurt a lot. Their limbs were starting to go numb due to the lack of blood flow.

“Oh, that’s it!” she grumbled to herself. “I’m getting myself outta here!”

They attempted to untie the rope binding their wrists together. It was kind of difficult, considering they couldn’t see what they were doing. After a couple of minutes, Cherry had successfully freed her wrists!

“Finally!” she sighed, shaking her hands to get the blood flowing again. “Alright, now I gotta get the legs free.. let’s do this.”

Once their hands felt normal again, they went to work on untying the ropes around their ankles. It was easier this time, now that Cherry could actually see what she was doing. She got the knot untied in no time.

Finally, after who knows how long, Cherry was able to stand up! Sitting in a chair all tied up in a skirt was incredibly uncomfortable. They pulled on their tie & poofed back into the hoodie they were wearing before.

“Alrighty..” she stretched. “Let’s see if there’s any way outta this stupid room.”

Now that they weren’t tied up in a chair, Cherry could get a good look around the room. There was a door, but Cherry assumed there was a good chance it was locked, & she did not want to attempt to lockpick anything again.

There was a desk to the side, covered in old newspapers & diagrams. Cherry walked up to it, hoping it could give them some clues on how to escape. She grabbed one of the newspapers. It was from sometime in 2019, based in a place that Cherry had never heard of.

“BANANA ECONOMY IN SHAMBLES!” the front page of the newspaper read.

“Banana economy?” Cherry wondered. This intrigued her, so she kept reading.

The newspaper talked about the economic crash of the banana society. Cherry didn’t even know there was a banana society.

There was another newspaper right under it, published about a week after the first newspaper. The headline on this one read, “HUMAN ECONOMY DOING FINE.”

“Why are bananas getting news on how humans are doing?”

Cherry thought back to what Pim had said about himself early.

“My mom’s a human. My dad’s a banana.”he had said. That means Pim could easily pass as a human, which he had! Cherry & the others had simply just thought he was wearing a banana costume.

“He must have moved here because our economy was better..” Cherry mumbled. “Still not sure what he means by ‘taking over capitalism,’ though.”

At that moment, they heard the door opening. Cherry quickly threw the newspaper back on the desk as Pim entered the room, Bananainator in hand.

“HEY!” Pim yelled, aiming the Bananainator at Cherry. “How’d you escape?!” “You kind of suck ass at tying knots, dude.” Cherry replied, tugging on her necklace & transforming back into Hero Mode.

“Ohh, you’re gonna pay for this!” “I’d like to see you try!”

-

Despite all the bananas walking around the city, it was actually quite a nice day. There was a mild breeze, but it was sunny, & everyone knows sunny weather is the perfect time for motorcycle rides.

Leslie sat on the back of Natalie’s motorcycle, fighting off any bananas that got close (which was few, due to the speed of the motorcycle). The velocity of the motorcycle was enough to keep Leslie from passing out.

Earlier in the classroom, after the truce was made, Natalie mentioned that she had a motorcycle they could use to get to the banana restaurant & save Cherry. As Leslie’s only other form of transport at the moment was walking, they agreed to hitch a ride on the motorcycle.

“So.. you ride this motorcycle to class?” “Of course! Way faster than walking.” “Alright.”

It was silent for a second.

“It’s a nice motorcycle.” Leslie said. “Thanks!” Natalie grinned. “Got it for my 18th.” “Sweet.”

Natalie pulled up into a parking spot at Banana Man’s Banana Land & stopped the motorcycle. “We’re here.” she nodded, hopping off of the motorcycle seat.

As Leslie hopped off of the motorcycle as well, another car pulled up into the parking lot as well. Leslie recognized it as Nora’s car instantly, due to the parking ticket on the windshield wiper that Nora had flipped over on its back & wrote “NORA’S CAR” on.

Nora, Juniper, & Kalani exited the car & spotted Leslie.

“Les!!” the three of them exclaimed, running over to it. “Oh, hey!” Leslie waved. “Are you ok?” Juniper asked. “Yea, I’m.. I’m fine.” Leslie said, yawning.

“Your friend here stayed up all night long.” Natalie leaned against her motorcycle. “They never would have gotten here if it weren’t for me.”

“Jesus, Les. You must be exhausted.” “Wait a minute,” Nora glanced at Natalie. “Aren’t you the girl who stole our book yesterday & demanded to join us?” “Yea. That was me.” Natalie shrugged. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Nora, Juniper, & Kalani summoned their weapons.

“Oh.”

“Hey, wait,” Leslie said. “We have a truce.” “A truce?” “Yea, me & Leslie here formed a truce. Once we’re all done with this banana business, your group & I are back to being rivals.” “We’re rivals?” “Listen, I was gonna do this whole thing where I robbed a Walmart & had a big villain speech & it was gonna be cool!” “I see. Does this have anything to do with the almost-matching outfit?” “Yes. I made it myself, in fact!” “Oh, you did? That’s cool.” “Thanks. Self-taught.”

“Alright, enough small-talk.” Leslie stretched. “Cherry’s in that restaurant & we need to save her.” “Cherry’s in there?” “It’s a long story, but she’s in trouble.” “Well, we have no time to waste, then! Let’s go!”

-

Either it was the adrenaline or the fact that she would be turned into a banana if she fucked up here, but Cherry was handling her sword better. Not completely better, but it was fine for the time being.

Pim was attempting to shoot Cherry with the Bananainator, but they were blocking every shot with their sword.

“Why won’t you just give UP already?!” Pim yelled, firing another shot from the Bananainator “I don’t give up very easily.” Cherry responded, blocking the shot with her sword. “Plus, I’m a big fan of not being a banana.”

Pim fired a few more shots, but Cherry blocked all three of them, albeit barely. The two of them had been at this for a while, & Cherry was noticeably getting more & more worn out.

“You’re getting tired!” Pim grinned. “Might wanna take a rest for a second!” “& let my guard down? No thanks.” “You know, overworking yourself is very- OW!”

A hammer flew into the room, hitting Pim directly in the back of the head. It made a squeaky noise as it hit the ground.

“Who did that?!” he yelled, turning around. “That’s what you get, banana boy!”

There stood Natalie, with a grin on her face. Behind her stood Nora, Juniper, Kalani, & Leslie.

“You’re gonna PAY FOR THAT!” Pim turned his aim toward Natalie. “Try me, bitch!”

Pim fired a shot. Natalie ducked, along with everyone else, & hit the window in the main room, shattering it.

“OH, YOU-”

Natalie ran off before Pim could finish his sentence.

“HEY, WAIT! GET BACK HERE!”

Pim shoved past everyone else & ran up the stairs to chase after Natalie. The other 4 went down & over to Cherry.

“Cherry!!” Leslie smiled, embracing her. “Les! You came back!” “Of course I did! I spent all night trying to come up with a plan to save you!” “All night? Jesus, Les, we are getting you a nap after this is done.” “Speaking of.. this situation, we’ve got some fighting to do!” “Yeah! Let’s kick some banana ass!”

The group started heading up the stairs.

“So what’s the banana guy’s deal anyway?” “Oh, Pim? Turns out he’s using this restaurant as a front to take over capitalism. Also, that’s not a banana costume.” “He wants to take over capitalism? That’s not possible!” “That’s what I was saying!” “Are we just skimming over the part where you said he wasn’t wearing a banana costume?” “Oh, yea, his mom’s a human & his dad’s a banana.” “That sounds disgusting. & also genetically not possible.” “Don’t we share 50% of DNA with bananas?” “Yea, I guess so.”

They arrived back upstairs to the main area of the restaurant. Pim was trying to shoot Natalie with his Bananainator, but she was dodging every shot.

“WHY WON’T YOU STOP DODGING?!” “Why won’t you stop having bad aim?” “I- SHUT UP!”

The group looked toward each other.

“So what’s the plan?” Kalani asked. “He seems to rely on that Bananainator he has too much.” Cherry said. “If we can disarm him & break it, he won’t be able to fight back.” “What about the other, uh.. banana guys around?” “I dunno. I guess we just fend them off?” “Sounds good to me!”

Kalani aimed her wand at Pim, who was busy trying to hit Natalie with the Bananainator.

“Just as a warning, this is the first time I’ve ever used this thing.” “Some training before-hand would have been nice, wouldn’t it?” “Yeah.”

Kalani fired a magic blast at Pim. It hit him smack-right in the face.

“OW!” he hissed, turning his attention toward Kalani. He fired the Bananainator at Kalani, but Juniper slid in & blocked the beam with eir spear, sending it flying into the sky.

“So that’s how you wanna be, huh?” Pim scoffed. He snapped his fingers a couple times. “BACKUP! BAAAAACKUP!!!”

All at once, a few dozen bananas approached Pim. He pointed at the group. “Get them!” he commanded.

The bananas turned toward the group.

“Ah, shit, here we go again.” “Again?!” “Don’t worry about it.”

The group readied their weapons as the bananas raced toward them.

Cherry, despite being tired from blocking Pim’s attacks earlier, still had some fight left in them, & was slicing some bananas in half. Nora used her whip to push back some of the bananas, & even cut some of them. Leslie used its scythes to dice the banana in half. Juniper was stabbing bananas with pheir spear, & Kalani used his wand to send magic blasts at the bananas.

As Leslie sliced a banana in half, they noticed that Natalie was being surrounded by bananas. Pim had his Bananainator aimed at Natalie, & there was no way she could avoid it.

They had to act fast.

Pim had his finger on the trigger. Leslie ran over to where he was standing, scythes in hand. Its plan was to use one of its scythes to flick the Bananainator out of his hands. However, there was a rock on the ground & Leslie had tripped, their scythe cutting deep into Pim’s glove.

“OUCH!” he shrieked, dropping the Bananainator on the ground.

Leslie swiftly grabbed the Bananainator from the ground & rolled over, standing up. Pim noticed this very quickly.

“HEY!” he yelled. “Give that BACK!”

Leslie smiled as it threw the Bananainator into the ground as hard as it could, shattering the device into various pieces.

“NO!!” Pim screamed, running over to the now-broken Bananainator.

All of a sudden, all of the faceless bananas (the ones that weren’t dead, anyway) all transformed back into humans. They looked around, confused & unaware.

“Where am I?” “Why the fuck am I in a parking lot?” “How’d I get here??”

The group just kind of glanced at each other, not wanting to explain that everyone had just been turned into bananas.

“Uh.. don’t worry about it!” Juniper gave a thumbs up to everyone. “Just go home! Everything’s normal now.”

Everyone just shrugged & walked away.

Pim was grasping at the remains of his Bananainator. “My plan.. it’s RUINED!!” he sobbed. “Damn. That sounds like a skill issue.”

Pim glared at the group (+ Natalie), tears in his eyes.

“Just you wait until my BOYFRIEND hears about this! I’ll have my revenge on you, just you wait & see!!” Pim yelled, running away.

The group looked at each other.

“Well.. we did it.” “We did! Isn’t that neat?” “Yeah!”

“So, Natalie..” Leslie looked at her. “Does this mean our truce is over?” “Oh! Uh.. yeah! No more truce! From now on, I’ll be your worst enemy! Mwahahaha!!” “Alright, you have fun with that.” “See ya later, heroes!” Natalie chuckled, hopping on her motorcycle & riding off.

Cherry sighed, leaning against the wall of the building. “So... I guess we’re officially heroes then, huh?” “I.. guess so, yeah. We just kind of saved the world.” “Well, we didn’t save the world. We saved capitalism, which is frankly worse, but who cares?” “Let’s just ignore the capitalism part & say we saved the city, huh?” “Yeah. Let’s go with that. C’mon, let’s head home.” “Alright! Nap time!”

So, they all got back into Nora’s car & drove back to their dorms, with the thought of their heroic actions in the back of their minds. They had saved the day! But.. what would come next, they wondered?

They were sure it would be fine, whatever it was.

[elfwreck]

Women could not get bank accounts on their own in the US until the Credit Act of 1974.

Women did not, in 1975, rush out to get bank accounts en masse. Many, many women who were married to guys who had A Good Job did not get bank accounts for years - sometimes decades - after that. They used cash for their shopping purchases; they paid bills by going to a store or an office and handing paper money to a person on the other side of a counter and getting a receipt.

Eventually, for many of them, the man with A Good Job died, and they had something of an inheritance to deal with... and by that time, everyone expected them to have bank accounts.

They did not have bank accounts. They might or might not have legal ID at all - if they didn't drive, why would they bother? How do they prove their identity and their right to own the house, car, insurance etc related to their deceased spouse?

...some of them figured it out; some got help; some got crushed by the system.

At no point have banks, power companies, courts, or the medical industry said, "Hmmm, let's make our system easier to deal with for 85-year-old women with no education past high school (...of 70-ish years ago), no income beyond an inheritance or life insurance policy, no children or other relatives with political power, and no likelihood of bringing us new venture capitalist money."

It is not "Just so simple!!!" to swipe the card and follow the instructions on the screen.

Not only is the direction of the card swipe different on every machine, sometimes the guidelines are incomprehensible or flat-out wrong

Five years ago, it was "swipe your card, magnetic strip down, on the right-hand side of this little device." Now, half the time it's "insert your card with the chip on THIS side." Sometimes it wants "wave your card over this device." Sometimes it's "swipe your card" but the placement of the swipe strip is different.

The instructions after that often only make sense if you already know how the system works

Then it asks you QUESTIONS: Do you want cash back? If so, how much? Do you want to tip? If so, how much?

The cashier (an increasingly inaccurate job title) is not going to be happy if you stop to ask how those things work.

Touch the wrong button at any step of the process and it goes back to the beginning. This leads some people to not touch any buttons until the cashier/guide specifically points them out.

Look, I used to be able to go into a store, put my groceries on a sliding feed, get a number from the cashier and hand them bills for it. Later, I could hand them a card; they took the card for a few seconds, waved it around at some magic tools, and I signed the resulting paper.

Note how much of the work the cashier used to do - used to get paid for - is being foisted off on me now. Slide the card, check the number results - there's no printout to sign anymore; it's "operate this weird little stylus on a screen that is not good for signatures." Half the time, they expect me to bag my own groceries.

(I am fine with bagging my groceries. I prefer them bagged the way I want them and am content to do that. THE POINT IS: that used to be part of what I was paying for at the store - someone else packaging my purchases. Cost of goods has not gone down. Pay for cashiers has not gone up. The shift of work from staff to me means someone is profiting, and that someone is neither me nor the cashier.)

Did I mention that sometimes the little card-swipe device just DOES NOT WORK? That you can follow all the instructions correctly and nothing happens, and then the cashier says "oh yeah, sometimes it just does that; here, I have to call a manager over to validate this."

The ageism and ableism in the notes is astounding. Full of stuff like,

"I know a 92-year old person who learned to code and built their own mobile app for their fishing club to track sales of bait supplies; don't tell me people are too old to understand technology."

and

"well I get that they're scared and confused but that is NO REASON TO BE RUDE," as if confusion and fear don't often lead to lashing out at whoever's in front of you.

Might as well say "I prefer the customers who deal with their fear by getting submissive and taking orders. I want them to look like they're about to cry when they don't understand the instructions, not get angry at me."

Yes, some people are utter jerks. Some elderly people are rude, and deal with their confusion by being extra-rude to people whose jobs require them to be polite. Some of them even take out their ire about the world in general on cashiers who can't get away from it.

You wanna yell about rude customers, that's fine. You don't have to combine it with a rant about how it's their lack of tech skills that's the real problem.

Its okay they could call me on a rotary faster than i could explain to them I’m old enough to know what a rotary phone is