#half joking i respect his privacy

[cayliecoltrane]

when he’s continuously 2 years old

[everdreamofme]

shower shenanigans

platonic ! slytherins x reader

just a silly little story that came to mind, based off of an episode of Friends lol

Theodore Nott was currently on his way up to the girls' dorm. The girls in question were some of his best friends: Pansy Parkinson, Astoria Greengrass, and Y/N Y/L/N, along with Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Mattheo Riddle, and Lorenzo Berkshire, of course.

During his latest charms lesson, he had been absolutely whiffed, far too high to be able to take notes, of course, and was counting on stealing Astoria's to be able to complete his assignment.

Huffing when he discovered none of the girls were to be found in the dorm, he made his way to Astoria's side to begin his search, only to be interrupted by the bathroom door swinging open. Pansy had just finished showering and was currently drying off the last of her hair with a towel wrapped around her waist when she caught sight of Theo standing in her room. Both letting out a surprised scream, Pansy tried to cover her exposed upper half with a blanket that sat on the edge of Y/N's bed.

'I'm sorry! I'm sor-'

'That is it!' She hissed at the boy. 'You just barge in here all of the time; you don't knock-'

'I'm sorry, Pans!'

'You don't have any respect for anybody's privacy-'

'Pansy, wait-' 'No, you wait! This is ridiculous-'

'Can I just say one thing?!'

'Oh- what?! What?!'

'That's a relatively open weave, and I can still see your... nippluar area.' Pansy groaned in frustration as she spun to grab her wand, pointing it at the boy standing before her as she still held the blanket over her chest.

'Get out before I avada your ass, Nott!' Theo fled from the dorm, charms notes long forgotten, as he silently thanked Salazar for blessing him this fine Friday afternoon.

Pansy sat fuming on the couch in the Slytherin common room that evening, silently glaring daggers at Theo, who sat across from her, while Enzo, Draco, and Astoria looked at each other in confusion. As the rest of the gang filtered in and joined them around the fire, the conversation died out, and Theo spoke.

'Anyone up for a firewhiskey then?' Before anyone had the time to comprehend what he had asked, Pansy had crossed her arms and hissed out a sharp 'No.'

'Alright, have I missed something here?' Y/N asked, her eyes darting between the other occupants of the group, looking for answers. Enzo snickered in response, while Theo just sighed.

'No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies..' At this, Mattheo barked a laugh as Y/N gasped, Astoria's eyes widening too. Theo's response had Blaise furrowing his eyebrows.

'W-what? What were you doing seeing her boobies?' He asked.

'It was an accident! It's not as though I was peeping through the keyhole of the girls dorm!' Astoria pulled a face at the thought of this.

'Alright-' 

'Can we just change the subject, please?' Pansy huffed, throwing her head back onto the couch.

'You know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed! They were very nice!' Theo interjected, causing Pansy to scoff at him.

'Nice? They were nice? I mean, that's it? Mittens are nice!'

'Alright, they were-'

'Okay, how about we direct the conversation away from Pansy's boobs?' Draco clapped.

'I'll get the firewhiskey!' Mattheo grinned, shooting up from his seat and returning shortly with a few bottles of firewhiskey.

The evening continued as a regular Friday would, laughing and joking with each other, telling stories of what had happened throughout the week when they hadn't seen each other—you know, the usual stuff.

The conversation soon turned to quidditch; Y/N and Astoria shared a look, knowing what was about to come. The rest of the group were so into quidditch, and of course they supported the boys whenever they had a match, but honestly, they could not care less about the sport. Even Pansy was an avid supporter, hence her current rant about the Hufflepuff seeker as she paced around the room.

'And I mean, why does he have to be so arrogant about it? Like, why-' Pansy looked over to Theo, only to notice his eyes glued to her chest as she spoke. Her eyes narrowed at the boy. 'Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?'

Theo blinked as his eyes darted up to hers, only to see she was already glaring at him. 'What?'

'Ugh, did you not get a good enough look before?!' She moaned. Blaise interjected, waving a hand between them.

'Alright, alright. We're all adults here; there's only one way to resolve this.' Theo looked almost bored with Blaise as he tried to find a solution, Pansy merely quirked a brow as she crossed her arms. 'Since you saw her boobies, I think you're going to have to show her your pee-pee.'

At this, the rest of the gang sat forward, intrigued. Enzo nodded along as though it were the most sane thing he had ever heard, while Astoria almost spat out her drink from laughter.

Theo grimaced. 'You know, I don't see that happening.'

'Come on, Theo, he's right! Tit for tat,' Y/N's input had Draco snorting as Mattheo's eyes darted between Theo and Pansy. Pansy grinned, looking down at the boy who still occupied the couch.

'Well, I am not showing you my tat.' Theo rolled his eyes as he took a swig of his firewhiskey and started up another conversation with Enzo.

Pansy would get him back; she was sure of it.

The next afternoon, the girls patiently waited for the boys to meet them in the common room. They had planned to head into Hogsmeade for some shopping and lunch, but they had to wait for the boys to shower first after their morning quidditch practice. Only Draco had emerged from the dorms so far, and he was happily chatting with Astoria as Y/N read a book on the armchair. 

Pansy caught Blaise's eye as he made his way down the stairs, finally ready. 'Honestly, what is taking you all so long?' She had asked, causing him to laugh.

'It's Enzo! He takes showers so long, I'm surprised there is any water left in Scotland! Theo's only just getting a turn,' Pansy's brow lifted in intrigue.

'How long has Theo been in the shower, would you say, Blaise?'

'About five minutes?'

It was exactly the answer Pansy wanted. Smirking, she stood from her place on the couch and winked at Y/N.

'Fasten your seatbelts, kids; it's pee-pee time.'

Opening the door to the boy's dorm, she greeted Enzo as he stood in front of the mirror, fixing his hair.

'Hey Pans,' He responded distractedly. It wasn't uncommon to see any of the girls in the boys dorm or vice versa, so he didn't think much of it as she crossed his room to the bathroom door.

'Payback time,' She muttered to herself as she quietly opened the door. Seeing the shower curtain pulled across and a tall shadow behind it, she grinned again. Rapidly pulling back the curtain, her 'Ha!' quickly turned into a scream as the figure in the shower jumped.

'What the fuck?'

'Oh my God!' She screeched as she ran out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

'What? What's wrong?' Enzo turned to her, panicking. The bathroom door swung open as Mattheo, still soaking wet but now with a towel around his waist, stormed out with a seething look on his face.

'What the fuck is the matter with you?!'

'I thought it was Theo!'

'What - what, what's happened?' Theo ran into the room with his wand out as Pansy whirled on him, pointing an accusatory finger.

'You! You were supposed to be in there, so I could see your thing!' She fumed. Enzo's brows shot up as he stiffled a laugh, Mattheo shot him a death glare before turning back to the scene in front of him.

'Sorry. My-my thing was out there with me,' He lowered his wand and gestured to the hallway behind him, a grin crossing his face as Pansy growled and shouldered past him out the door. As she made her way down the stairs with clenched fists, Y/N looked up from her book.

'Pans?'

'That fucking idiot..'

'What's wrong?' Y/N asked again.

'Oh my God,' Astoria gasped. 'You didn't catch Theo, did you?'

Shaking her head, Pansy sat with a huff. It's safe to say the trip to Hogsmeade was filled with clenched jaws and glares from Mattheo to Pansy, and Pansy to Theo, while the rest of the gang laughed at their misfortune.

Later that evening, Astoria lay on her bed reading a new novel bought for her earlier in the day by Draco when the door to her room suddenly opened and in stalked Mattheo.

'Hey Riddle,' He nodded in response as he made his way over to the girls' bathroom door. Astoria quirked a brow and grinned slightly. 'Whatcha doing?' She already knew the answer.

'Clear the tracks for the payback express. Next stop; Pansy Parkinson.' He grinned, whipping the door open and walking into the steamy room.

'Surpri- holy shit!' His surprise attack was cut short as he pulled the curtain back, only to reveal Y/N in the shower instead of Pansy.

'Mattheo, what the fuck?!' His eyes widened as he turned away from the very naked girl in the shower.

'Shit, sorry - I was trying to catch Pansy out!' Y/N pulled the shower curtain across again and hid behind it.

'Wrong fucking girl!'

'I know, I know—I'm sorry!' 

'Matt?' She asked after a minute of silence.

'Yeah?'

'Get out!'

'Right, right-' As Mattheo sped out of the room, he grimaced at Astoria, who lay still smirking as she read her book.

That evening, at dinner, Y/N stabbed her food with force as she glared at the boy opposite her. 

'Right, what's happened here then?' Draco asked, his eyes flying between the two.

'Mattheo barged in on me in the shower!' She hissed, causing her friends to burst into laughter as she was now caught in the shower chronicles.

'I told you, it was an accident!'

'You got a lot more than you bargained for!' She gripped her fork tightly in her hand as Mattheo smirked.

'Yeah I did, I got a great view,' He said with a smirk, which quickly disappeared after seeing Y/N's face.

'Look, I'm sorry!' He apologised once more as she sighed and began a conversation with Enzo.

The next morning, Y/N stomped into the boys dorm, still clad in her pyjamas. Theo groaned from his place in bed.

'Y/N, it is 8 a.m... on a Sunday.'

'Oh hush, you caused this whole thing, Nott.'

Storming over to the bathroom, she flung the door open just as Enzo was stepping out of the shower. She smacked a hand over her mouth as she squeaked. 

'Y/N?!'

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry!' She turned on her heel and slammed the door, Theo's laughter echoed in the room.

'Where is Mattheo?!' She demanded.

'Fuck knows,' He responded, propping himself on his elbows.

'He is on a run, you little menace!' Enzo appeared behind her, a towel around his waist as he crossed his arms. She gave him a sheepish smile.

'Sorry, Enz, I just wanted to get him back!'

'This has gone way too far now,' He said as Mattheo entered the room and took in the scene before him. A cackle left his mouth as he put the pieces together.

'I'll get you back, Riddle.' Y/N jabbed a finger into his chest as she passed him by.

That morning at breakfast, the table ate in silence. Enzo huffed. 'That's it; no more shower shenanigans! We're all terrified to shower now, in case someone comes barging in.'

Pansy rolled her eyes, moving her pancakes with her fork. 'This is all Nott's fault.'

'Hey!'

'Well, it is, Theo-'

'No one asked you to get involved, Y/L/N-'

'I had to because Matt-'

'Hey, mine was an accid-'

'Enough!' Blaise's voice boomed across the table, silencing the bickering amongst the group.

'Theodore, apologise to Pansy.' Astoria instructed.

Theo muttered a quiet. 'Sorry Pans.'

'Pansy, apologise to Mattheo.' Blaise told her.

'Sorry, Matt.' She said with a sheepish smile.

'Riddle, apologise to Y/N.' 

Mattheo did as Draco told him. 'I'm sorry, Y/N.' 

'Y/N, apologise to Lorenzo.'

'Sorry, Enz.' She gave his shoulder a small nudge with hers.

'Right, now that's all sorted...' Y/N looked up at the girl beside her with her brow raised. 'Well?'

Draco furrowed his brows as the girl before him stared at his girlfriend. 'Well, what?'

'Aren't you three going to apologise for taking the piss out of us?' Draco, Blaise, and Astoria all shared a glance before murmuring their own apology. 

The group all shared a knowing look before bursting into laughter. They could never be mad at each other for long.

[hana-no-seiiki]

Omg the dog shapeshifter ask is amazing but like- cat. i can already imagine Tim being all over you and being one of those guys where half his personality is just that he has a cat. Dick would 120% invest in those hoodies with the pouch to carry their cats, and Jason just carries you everywhere (wiggles be danmed).

The only person who has any qualms about it is Alfred because everything is covered in cat hair lmao.

meow. more pawtastic cat villain! reader w/ batfam

@sophiethewitch1 👅

You tended to take the lead when it came to your relationships with the Robins

They were just too busy with duty and heroism that they rarely ever took the time to be or get into relationships. So you would help them, cover them in that area per se.

Though there were times, like an actual cat, that you suddenly hate their asses or be indifferent. You didn’t notice it yourself really. Sometimes you were just stressed from real life problems and whatnot

or dealing with Bruce’s constant sermons about how you were a bad influence on Jason. Blaming you for all these strung up bodies across the streets of Gotham that had been tied up with yarn and catnip.

sometimes you just wanted to reel back the persona you’ve built up as a villain and just chill out

but you see, if there’s anyone who would notice the slightest change in your demeanor it would be the batboys

Tim and Jason would be the first. They spend the most time with you.

Instead of giving them a kiss or a quick fuck after a job well done, you’d just say goodbye and leave.

Not even in your signature cat joke filled way of saying goodbye

Hell you would even just teleport out of there without a word

Tim would have most likely observed you more, but Jason? Jason would be on your ass in seconds

“Hey, kitty? We need to talk.“

Did I mention that the boys love to use various cat related nicknames for you? The cringier the better.

(Damian just calls you pussy at times)

In anycase, Jason knocks on your door. But you do not respond. Like, for a long fucken time.

Ofc, he smashed the door open.

And what does he see?

Well first it was nothing. I mean his eyes weren’t directly on the floor immediately . But then he move his gaze down,

You, in your cat form.

He just about screams. Shrieks. Like I could maintain his sense of dignity for you dear reader but nah. It started as a shout of surprise before it turned into a high pitched cry, and lastly cooing.

He’s confused at first and is worried about your sudden disappearance til you cleared things up.

Something about a curse that turns you into an actual cat at random moments.

You said it interrupted a lot of your civilian business (school, work, etc.) and so your mental health and well being took a decline.

And boy did Jason go mom mode.

He’s more on the practical side. He makes sure you’re comfortable and guarded especially when in dangerous situations.

Will never let you go on a heist with this curse on going. What if you get shot by a guard? What if you get kidnapped by those horrid animal pounds? Not to mention those perverts that would… no he shook his head.

Definitely keeps you within arms reach at all if not most times.

Tim finds out soon after. You tried to ask him to respect your privacy, but he couldn’t help himself. He was scared to death that he did something wrong or exposed something he did that breached your trust.

He immediately buys a ton of cat related products for you.

Not only that he does an extensive amount of research on cat health and diets.

His rooms gets covered by different studies on cat cellular makeup before he realizes that

Oh crap, he kinda enjoyed this.

And he hasn’t looked up how to actually cure this curse of yours.

Damian soon follows. He’s got it the worst out of all members.

Prides himself with his wide experience and knowledge with animals.

He uses visits to the vet as a threat when you misbehave.

But you’re a villain, you don’t get scared easily right? What’s the worse that could happen at the vet’s?

… yeah he almost got you neutered/spayed.

Safe to say that you were much more obedient after that.

Bruce isn’t that available or good with pets, so he mostly just funds whatever the boys do hoping that it’d lead to them not destroying stuff or killing people for you any more than before the curse.

Dick is the last to find out, and that was because Tim dropped a whole thesis about why the latter should definitely have more [Y/N]-cat-duty hours!

I mean just look at those charts! Your happiness is definitely at its highest when you’re with him

(ignoring the fact that he showers you with catnip)

Dick is definitely the

Cuteness aggression that borders on abuse type of cat owner

Very touchy with you.

And yes he invests a lot of money to get have pouches on his suits for you to be in. If not you’d be like that one cat from Spiderman Miles Morales just hanging out from a backpack of sorts, designed so you’ll never fall out.

Collars.

These men have collectively spent around hundreds of thousands of dollars on cat related shit

And you’re still wondering how tf this curse came to be

[roseghoul26]

König x fem!Reader

Synopsis: After a long day, König offers some much-needed “stress relief”. Tags: Title From A Sabrina Carpenter Song, Bed Chem - Sabrina Carpenter, Edging, Not Beta Read, Fem Pronouns For Reader, Bit Of A Size Kink, Porn No Plot, Vibrators, Fingering, Cunnilingus, König Lifts His Mask The Tiniest Amount To Eat You Out, Scar Kink(?), Is That Even A Thing, Doggystyle, Safe Sex, German Is A Fun Language, Kissing, Cuddling Author's Note: My four-and-a-half years of German classes are finally coming into use (but I’m nowhere near fluent, so correct my mistakes lol). Also contains descriptions of what I imagine König to look like. Everyone is free to their own interpretation. Also I'm like a year too late for this but whatever lol and this one is just pure porn guys, so... do with that what you will Explicit content, minors DNI

You felt ridiculous. 

Desperate. Anxious. Ridiculous.

Pacing across your small room didn’t help, your frenzied state unending. Anxiety hammered your heart, your stomach twisted in knots, and your hands ached from tensing them so much. Your breathing wasn’t much better, coming and going in quick huffs of air; you felt like you were going to pass out. 

You were a goddamn soldier, a ruthless mercenary; you shouldn’t be acting this way. You’d faced down the worst of humanity and came out victorious; the idea of König coming to your room shouldn’t render you so… timid. 

You’re not sure why you took König up on his offer for “stress relief”. He’d seen how tense you were all day around the base, the reason for that feeling long since forgotten, your words clipped, muscles tensed. It wasn’t an unusual emotion for you, but he’d never offered his assistance. 

Until today. You weren’t quite sure what changed.

A shiver went down your spine when you remembered his voice as he whispered, large frame pressed up close against yours, but not close enough to touch. “Let me help you, Schatz,” he’d said, and you were certain if you could see his face, there’d be a smirk on his lips. You wondered if he knew how you felt about him. 

Desperate to be rid of the tension in your body, and desperate for him, you’d agreed. It wasn’t until you’d reached your room that it sunk in, what you’d agreed to. It wasn’t that you regretted it, far from it, but now your stress levels were even higher than they were before. 

You wouldn’t lie and say that you hadn’t hoped that something like this would happen. You’d had the biggest crush, which sounded so juvenile for someone like you, on him since the moment you’d signed on with KorTac a few years ago. 

And how could you not? He was tall, almost intimidatingly so, with a broad build to match. And the muscles weren’t all for show, just as deadly with his body as he was with his weapons out on the field. You remember the first time you’d watched him take down someone with his hands, a memory that had ingrained itself into your dirtiest dreams. 

As for the rest of his appearance, you weren’t quite sure. He’d never taken off his “mask” (a shirt, you’d later come to find out) in front of you, even when on jobs together. You never pried, though, respecting his need for privacy. And besides, you didn’t have to see his face to know that he was the most stunning person you’d ever met. His eyes, baby blue, yet torturously haunted, were all that you needed to see to confirm that. After years of only seeing them, you’d gotten good at reading them like you would facial expressions. 

Too caught up in your thoughts, you nearly tripped as your foot caught on the edge of your bed, a small, dingy thing. A mix of a sigh and groan left you, as well as a soft curse as you shook your hurt foot. Glancing at the small LED clock beside your bed, the time read 9:26.

König hadn’t given you a time when you asked, only a teasing, “Tonight.” Which meant, that at any moment, you’d hear him knocking on your door.

Or maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe this was all a joke, a cruel one at that. Maybe he knew about your infatuation with him, and this was his response. Deep down, you knew König enough to know that he wouldn’t do something like that, but your anxiety-riddled brain couldn’t think rationally right now. 

Before disappointment could set in, there was a surprisingly gentle knock on the door. But to you, it sounded like two gunshots had just gone off in the room, your ears now ringing in response. 

A soft gasp left you, and you swore your heart stopped. Taking a second to take a deep breath, you fixed your hair as you walked to the door, suddenly worried about your appearance. Your hand shook as you grabbed the handle, time seemingly slowing as you opened the door.

There, just like he said he would be, was König, his body damn near filling the entire doorframe, the tiniest bits of light from the hallway sneaking in. He was dressed down, which made sense for the time of day, so it shouldn’t have come as such a shock to you to see his bare arms. He must’ve been feeling particularly cruel, to be wearing a tight, black short-sleeve shirt instead of his usual loose long-sleeves. His hands were shoved into the pockets of some black sweatpants, and it almost felt wrong to see him like this. 

And as his eyes widened the tiniest amount, you realized that he, too, had never seen you in loungewear. Wearing a tank top and some sleep shorts, you might as well have been naked with the way his gaze roamed over your body, setting your body alight. A part of you wondered if this was the first time he’d looked at you like this, or if your attraction hadn’t been as one-sided as you believed. 

You weren’t quite sure what to say; you both knew why he was here. So instead of making a fool of yourself by attempting to talk, you took a step back, wordlessly inviting König into your room. 

As he stepped in, you watched as his head moved around, taking in his surroundings. Your room wasn’t much, but it was a step up from the shared room you had when you first joined. There was a bed, a full size at most, the headboard pressed up against the wall, with standard-issue grey sheets. A nightstand sat beside it, with the LED clock, and a lamp that currently struggled to fight against the darkness of the night as it poured through the lame excuse of a window that resided at the top of the wall. A few other pieces of furniture, a dresser, a desk, and a shelf, were each in their respective spots, leaving not a lot of free room.

So, as König walked in, your room felt incredibly small, nearly suffocating. It didn’t help that every time you saw König your breathing turned labored, which wasn’t the best thing to happen to you out on the field. But your years of suppressing your desires had trained you well, able to put on an impression that you were unaffected. 

“Do you want this?”

You’d barely heard König, your heart thudding too loudly. He had turned to face you, hands still in his pockets, a casual stance. But his eyes told a different story, hooded with lust, and boring into you. 

Swallowing, you failed to notice the way his eyes zeroed in on the action. Nodding your head was the only thing you could do, never feeling so certain bout something in your life. But you were nervous. What if you disappointed him? What if this wrecked what relationship the two of you had? What if this was all still a joke?

You hadn't expected König to have moved so that he was right in front of you. Was he always this tall? Towering over you, you felt his fingers, free from their usual gloves, grasp your chin, forcing your eyes onto him. A strangled noise died in your throat at the action, but he felt it, and you watched his eyes crinkle in the corners. He was grinning. 

“Use your words, Schatz.” The endearment, although in a foreign language, made you melt. You weren’t entirely sure what it meant, even after hearing it before, but he said it so sweetly that you didn’t need to know what it meant to feel its effects. 

Your heart was fluttering now, your brain fighting between feeling anxious and exhilarated. König must’ve detected this inner battle of yours, something softening in his gaze. The hand holding your chin moved to your wrist, grabbing it loosely enough so that you could pull away if you wanted to, and he slowly pulled your hand up until it rested on his chest, palm flat against his left pec. 

Once the shock of touching him subsided, you were confused as he watched you expectantly. You went to try to speak but were subsequently silenced by König as he shook his head, pressing your hand down harder. It was then you could finally feel beneath your fingertips his heartbeat, much too fast for the casual stance he had earlier. 

He was just as nervous about this as you were.

He let go of your wrist once he saw you felt it, but you didn’t pull your hand away, quickly gaining confidence knowing you weren’t alone in your nerves. “I want this, König.” You were pleasantly surprised to find that your voice was steady, not even the tiniest bit hoarse. I’ve wanted this for a long time.

Pleased, you could also detect the tiniest bit of relief from him, uncertainty playing a part in his nervous behavior. But that was quickly washed away when his authoritative demeanor returned; you’re not sure why you expected anything else. In every room he walked into, he demanded respect, to be listened to. Followed. Obeyed. You just never thought that it carried into more intimate moments. 

You certainly weren’t complaining. Not when you could feel arousal pool in your gut, a pleasant warmth that flowed through your entire body. Not when every word he spoke made you shiver, his accent thick, voice pitched lower. And now that your nerves had died down, all that was left was excitement, which nearly made you just as jumpy. As he brought his masked face close to yours, you swore your breathing stopped; it almost felt like the anticipation you’d feel before a kiss.

But his destination wasn’t your lips, although his eyes did flick down to them momentarily. No, he stopped before they could connect, mask and all. Resting his head against yours, which took a bit of bending on his part, you felt two warm hands begin to trail down your body, starting right at your collarbones. 

You watched as his eyes trailed over your face, gauging your reaction. When he was met with nothing but desire and want, his touch grew more certain, yet he didn’t pick up the pace. His fingers continued to drag down your body until you wanted to push them down to where you wanted. Something told you that that wouldn’t go over well, but you had to admit you were curious to see what his reaction would be. 

You chose to just shift in his grasp instead of trying to force his touch lower, hoping he’d get the message. You knew he did when you heard him chuckle, a sound that always made you weak in the knees, now especially. “Patience.” 

You could detect the warning well enough, but you couldn’t bring yourself to listen to it. “Please, König.” You didn’t care if you were begging. All you could think about was how close he was to giving you what you wanted. 

Another chuckle left the Austrian, but this one sounded more cruel. “You are going to have a long night.”

Before you could even think about his words, he was effortlessly sweeping you off your feet, hands having found their way to the back of your thighs. Insticinvly, your legs wrapped around his body, but you knew he didn’t need the extra help, and you also knew that he wouldn’t drop you. With a surprised laugh, you hung on as König carried you over to the bed, eyes never once leaving your face like he was enraptured by it. 

Unfortunately, the walk to the bed was brief, and before you could get comfortable in his arms, he was depositing you onto the bed. So much for not dropping you. It didn’t hurt, no, more surprising than anything, the breath briefly getting knocked out of you. The cheaper bed groaned under the weight, rusty springs a godawful symphony of noises, but you paid them no mind. 

Hungry eyes watched you from the foot of the bed as you moved up towards the headboard, back resting against it. Once you were settled, König stalked over to the side of the bed, his movements nothing but predatory. Yet oddly enough, you felt safe. You both trusted each other enough to watch over the other while out on the field and so you felt that same trust here. Deep down, you knew that if you were to tell him to stop, he would, no questions asked. Yet you knew you probably wouldn’t need him to. 

But he didn’t sit down, rather moving to the nightstand beside you. Your dazed state quickly dissipated once he started rummaging inside of it, but you were too late to do anything. With burning cheeks, you watched as he pulled out a pink device, which looked comically small in his hands. 

You wanted nothing more than to bury your face in your hands and pray for your demise, yet you were stuck in place once his attention returned to you. You just knew he had a shit-eating grin on his face, and if you weren’t so mortified about him finding the toy, then you would’ve made some comment to wipe it right off. 

Finally, König sat beside you, the vibrator still in his hand. With his other, you felt his touch return to your calf, featherlight, and leisurely making its way to the waistband of your shorts. “You use this a lot?”

“König…” Your voice wasn’t as assertive as you’d have liked, coming out more as a breathy whine. 

“Answer my question.” His hand stopped moving, stopping right at your knee. No matter how you shifted or squirmed, he didn’t move.

With a deep sigh, you tried to ignore the embarrassment you felt when you nodded your head. You then remembered his words from earlier. “Yes,” was all you said, but that seemed to be enough for him, as he continued his ascent with his fingers.

But his tormenting wasn’t done there, as after a few seconds you heard him speak again. “What do you think about?” This question came quieter than the first like he was sharing a piece of gossip, not asking you to reveal your deepest fantasies. 

You. 

The word was on the tip of your tongue, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to say them, to admit to him. How you’d dreamed of moments like this. How you’d imagined him touching you, fucking you, devouring you. So much information was on the verge of being spilled, and you were scared of it happening, too many what-ifs floating in your brain to keep track. 

But any attempt of holding back your words disappeared when König’s hand retracted, and you found the words stuttering out of you, desperate to feel him again. “I think about you, König…” You nearly felt out of breath after, your chest heaving for air, your cheeks now on fire. 

König, much to your surprise, didn’t seem taken aback by your words. Instead, you watched as his eyes darkened even more, which seemed like an impossible feat. “I thought as much,” his voice sounded more like a growl, and you fought the urge to press your thighs together. “And what do I do, when you think of me?”

Now that the cat was out of the bag, you felt less embarrassed about speaking. You were further encouraged when his hand settled on your thigh, pulling lightly at the hem of your shorts. “I… I’ve thought of you using toys,” you glanced at his other hand briefly, “your fingers. Your mouth.” The last one came out more like a whisper; he’d have to take his mask off in order for the last one to be true, and you both knew he wasn’t doing that. 

By the time you had finished speaking, he had reached your waistband, fingers dipping beneath it to brush against your skin. He hummed like he was truly thinking deeply over your words. “In that order?” If it was meant to be teasing, you couldn’t tell. 

Words died in your throat as you struggled to speak, your newfound confidence nonexistent. König, thankfully, took some pity on you, realizing that this was all a bit much. “Would you like me to take care of you?”

That you were able to respond to. “Please.”

An appreciative groan reverberated through his broad chest. “Sehr gut.” You weren’t certain what he was saying, but the infliction sounded like a praise, and your body responded as it would if it had been spoken in a language you knew.

You expected him to continue speaking, so imagine your surprise when in one strong tug, he tore your shorts off your body, before throwing them somewhere in the room. You heard an audible gasp from him when he saw you were completely bare underneath, completely exposed to him. You watched his hands flex from where they hung in the air, momentarily taken aback, his restraint pulled tight. 

He recovered quickly, blue eyes obscured by black irises now staring at you. “No underwear?” It was a redundant question, yet he asked anyway, wanting you to admit to it. Sheepishly, you nodded, your reward being a low chuckle. “Gott, you are trying to kill me.”

That was the last thing he said before he was settling at the end of your bed, right where your feet sat. His unoccupied hand grabbed your ankle, pulling your legs apart so that he could settle between them. With both thighs resting on his shoulders, you could no longer close your legs, unless you wanted to suffocate the man between them. You doubt he would complain, though. 

His face was inches from your center, and you could feel the heat radiating from him with each breath he took. His eyes had left your face, now drinking in the sight before him, and you could tell he was pleased with what he saw. Quite pleased, if the groan he let out told you anything. 

“So wet already,” he murmured as if he was surprised. You had little time to feel any sort of embarrassment, before two wide fingers ran through your folds, collecting the arousal there. You watched, then, as he brought his fingers below his mask, and you were able to fill in the details as his eyes fell shut with a hum of appreciation. 

Very much distracted, you’d momentarily forgotten about the device in his other hand until the unmistakable buzzing noise filled the air. Your breathing was labored as you waited for his next move, where he would touch you next. You, luckily, did not have to wait long to find out, as those two fingers returned, this time working to spread you open. His eyes finally shot up to yours, his desire evident, and there was an unspoken question in the gesture. More?

You would take all that he could give you, greedily. If he gave you scraps, you would take scraps with a thankful smile. If he gave you a goddamn meal, then you would savor every moment, every drop. With a shaky smile, you gave him a nod, not needing to use your words this time. 

The first graze of the toy over your clit made you jump, eliciting an amused shake of König’s head. “Relax, Schatz.”

And you tried. Taking a deep breath, you went through the breathing exercises you were taught when you first enlisted. Either it was thinking about the breathing exercises, or the exercises themselves, but you found yourself relaxing a bit, your muscles not as wound up as they once were. 

So when König once again pressed the vibrator against the bundle of nerves, you still jolted. Not out of shock, but because of the pleasure that action brought. And instead of pulling away like last time, he kept his hand in place, making you squirm. 

Soft whines and gasps of air were heard from you, hands fisting the sheets beside you. You wanted to hold on to him, but you were worried that once you grabbed on, you wouldn’t want to let go. “König…” you moaned, trying to express just how good he was making you feel. Every nerve in your body tingled, that unmistakable tightness growing in your abdomen. You weren’t close, but you didn’t think it would take long with how worked up you’d been waiting for him. 

The hand holding you open ascended, your back arching into his touch as he dragged his fingers over your stomach, your ribs, before encapsulating one of your breasts in a large, warm hand. “Du bist so schön,” he murmured, a glint of something in his eye. It quickly turned mischievous, though, when you just nodded along, his words meaning nothing to you. “Du hast keine Idee, was ich sage.”

When you neither confirmed nor denied his observation, he laughed, much to your confusion, but you were too caught up in your pleasure to care much. “Oh, Schatz.” It almost sounded patronizing, something that shouldn’t have gotten you as worked up as it did. Another plea of his name tore from your lips, the pressure in you building and building. 

Glancing down between your legs, you were surprised to find his eyes already on you. A squeeze of his hand had you keening, König making a noise that almost seemed proud. “So responsive. Nur für mich.”

What could you do besides nod? Even if you could understand him, you doubted you’d be able to process his words. And besides, hearing him speak his native tongue was always a treat, so hearing him like this was melting you, another thing setting your body alight. Your thighs were beginning to shake, something that did not go unnoticed by the man between them. 

“König… fuck, just a lil’ more…” You failed to see the plan he was formulating, your eyes screwed shut as pleasure overtook you. That tension was becoming unbearable now, and just on the verge of snapping. Your hips rocked and twisted, your fingers cramping with how hard you were gripping the sheets. You were on the edge, just teetering. All you needed was a little push, and-

The sound of silence was deafening as König turned the toy off, setting it on the bed beside you. Your eyes flew open, nowhere near expecting him to pull away just as you were about to cum. It would’ve been embarrassing, the frustrated noise you let out, but all you could think and feel was your waning orgasm. You went to try and finish yourself, but a strong hand caught your wrist before you could move. 

“König…” you warned, pleaded. Like sand, you could feel your release escaping through your fingers. “Y-You said you would help me relax.”

“You are distracted, nein?” 

It was true, your mind was far from the stresses of the day. But a new stress was building, one that was being caused by him. “König-”

“Lay back down.”

You hadn’t even realized you’d sat up, and with a sigh, you sunk back against the pillows, hoping he didn’t see the way your cheeks darkened at the way he commanded you. You could feel yourself continue to come down from that delicious high, body still strung tight like a string on a violin. König played you so well, that you doubted it would take long for you to reach that precipice again. But would he give you what you wanted, or continue to dangle it above your head, just out of reach? You both loved and hated the game he was playing, but your patience was bound to run out eventually. 

He settled in between your legs again, both hands empty this time. A few minutes passed, König lazily tracing his fingers across your bare legs and stomach, truly letting the embers of your previous orgasm burn out.

After what felt like an eternity, he began to drag his touch inward, making you gasp lightly. Like he did before, you felt him pass his fingers through you. The stimulation was almost too much, but it was the best thing you’d ever felt, a soft whine leaving you. That whine turned into a moan when he pressed a digit into you, aided by your arousal. 

He wasted no time in working his finger in and out of you, setting a slow yet intense pace. Your previous decision to not hold on to him quickly fell apart, desperately reaching down to him. There was a second of surprise before he gave you his other hand, your fingers immediately locking with his. It was a startling difference, the innocent gesture of handholding versus the way he was making you see stars with every crook of his fingers. 

His fingers were wide, much wider than yours, so the stretch burned when he added a second. He gave you a moment to adjust before moving, murmuring soft words of praise. “Gutes Mädchen,” he purred. “Gott, look at you, taking me so well.” Each word was enunciated with a thrust of his fingers, pulling noises from you you didn’t even know were possible. 

As amazing as his fingers felt, you need more. Wanted more. Glancing down at König, you gave him as wide eyes as you could, and he seemed to get the message. “You want more?” Upon your fervent nodding, he shook his head teasingly. “So greedy.”

For a moment, you were convinced that he wasn’t going to fulfill your request. That was until he pulled his hand away from yours, reaching for the base of his mask. Your heart damn near stopped when you realized what he was doing, and with a shocked gasp, you shut your eyes, unsure if he wanted you to see. 

You felt him pause, the rustling of fabric ceasing, before his voice rang out. “Look at me.” For the first time since you’d met him, you’d heard his voice clearly, not muffled by his mask. 

Cautiously, you opened your eyes, still partially convinced that this was a test of sorts. All of those worries disappeared when your eyes landed on him. His mask wasn’t fully off, not like you expected, and a part of you was relieved. You don’t think you were ready for that. 

Instead, it was pulled up just past his mouth, revealing most of his lower face, and any image you’d created of him in your mind was immediately forgotten, replaced with the sight in front of you. He had a wider jaw, with a decent amount of stubble adorning his cheeks. His lips were full, the top smaller than the bottom, and pulled into a small smile that made your stomach erupt into butterflies. He was, without a doubt, one of the most handsome men you’d ever laid eyes on, and this was only a part of his face.

But what stuck out to you the most, and would stick out to anyone who saw him, was the large scar that cut upwards on the right side of his upper lip, disappearing under the mask as it continued. The rest of the skin had healed together, except for on his lip, where, similar to a cleft lip but smaller, there was a gap, exposing a sharp canine. It was like his lip was turned up in a constant sneer.

You had no idea how he got that scar, and knowing the job you both did, it was probably quite traumatic. But the scar, alongside the rest of him, had desire churning so strongly in your gut that you nearly felt ill. It felt almost too good to be true, yet here he was, in between your legs, staring at you like you were the best thing on this forsaken planet, his hips grinding against the bed as he pleasured you. 

“Hallo, Schatz.” You were entranced by the way his lips moved as he spoke, and he noticed it, a cocky grin now on display. God, the effect that smirk had on you was immediate, his smugness immeasurable when he felt your body react on his fingers. “You know how to make a man feel good.”

You managed to roll your eyes, not wanting to bolster his ego that much, making König laugh in response. But his playful mood was quickly replaced by one of pure desire, moving forward until you could feel his warm breath hit your center. His fingers had resumed their motions, that tension once again building in your abdomen. It felt stronger this time like your body was punishing you for not allowing the tension to release last time. 

Not once did his eyes break away from yours, not even as his tongue flicked out to taste you, and you could feel his smile, never once dropping. He did it again, this time nudging your over-sensitive clit, making your hips buck. Letting his mask fall on your body to keep it held up, his now free hand splayed across your lower abdomen, keeping you in place, unable to escape the onslaught of pleasure. 

Even quicker than before, you found yourself careening toward that edge, your nails digging into König’s arm, likely leaving marks. His name replayed like a chant on your lips with each crook of his fingers, each flick of his tongue, every suck from his lips. You couldn’t see him any longer, your head thrown back against the pillows.

“König… please.” You almost didn’t want to tell him you were close, afraid of him taking your release away from you again. But you figured he didn’t need you to tell him to know, with the way your thighs shook and walls fluttered around his fingers. You felt him smirk again, a sense of dread washing over you at its implication. “Please, König… let me cum.”

Forcing your head back down, you watched as he considered your plea, and for a second, you thought you were in the clear. That was until he pulled his mouth away, his lower face glistening, that smirk still there, before the mask fell back down. His fingers pulled away next, groaning when he watched you clench around nothing.

Frustrated was nowhere close to how you felt, tears now prickling your eyes as yet another orgasm was withheld. The torture was delicious, yes, but you were going to lose it if you didn’t get to cum soon. You’d wanted this for so long, to fall apart under his ministrations, and you were tired of waiting. Your voice wavered as you whined his name, but there wasn’t anything either of you could do now, as you felt that almost high fade away again. 

With a defeated sigh, you let your head hit the pillows again, your legs sliding off König’s shoulders. You didn’t get to relax long, though, before his accented voice hit your ears again, unfortunately muffled. “Roll over.”

Without trying to hide your displeasure, you complied, glaring at him as you turned. You hoped he couldn’t tell how excited you actually were, fighting back an eager smile. He chuckled from behind you as you settled on your hands and knees, trailing off when he took in the sight before him. “I will ignore that attitude. This time.”

As you thought over the implications of this time, you felt König stand, followed by the sound of rustling fabric, as well as the crinkle of plastic. Something stirred in you at the fact that he came prepared, meaning he wanted this as much as you did. You’re not sure why you still believed he didn’t, but the reassurance was nice, to say the least. 

Glancing over your shoulder, you managed to catch a glimpse of him, the sight making you nearly snap your head back around. Nearly. He had shed his pants, his black shirt rising enough to reveal a pale, muscular abdomen, created from years of intense labor and exercise. He radiated power, and a part of you wondered if that translated into more intimate aspects like his authoritativeness had. Would he be rough with you? Or would he be more ginger, like his touch had been for most of the night; not gentle, but not on the verge of hurting?

You would take either way, as long as it was him doing it. 

“It is rude to stare.”

His tone was teasing, yet it still pulled you out of your shameless ogling. Caught red-handed, an almost sheepish smile appeared on your face. “You can’t blame me when you look like that. You’re a sight, König.”

For the first time that night, König seemed at a loss for words, staring at you like you’d grown a second head. If his mask was still pulled up, you figured you would see his lips struggling to form words, and, if you were lucky, a blush creeping up his face. It was a beautiful image in your mind, one that made you smile harder. 

Clearing his throat, König shook himself out of whatever daze he had been in, and you pocketed his weakness away for later. Checking you for any last-second hesitations, he let the rest of the clothing on his lower body fall away, effectively shifting the power back into his hands. And despite yourself, a small noise left you at the sight, further stroking his already massive ego. 

As to be expected for someone of his size, he was large, and painfully hard, if the hiss he let out told you anything. He was proportional to his hand as he took himself in it, stroking himself a few times, but you knew you’d struggle to hold him in yours. Just like the rest of his body, he was pale, with an almost purple tip that leaked precum. 

Turning your head back around before you lost your nerve, a few seconds passed before you felt the bed creak again, assumedly to put on the condom. One hand pressed between your shoulders, wordlessly pressing your face and chest into the bed. His other hand grabbed your hip, pulling your ass against him, another small noise leaving you when his cock pressed into you. You let him maneuver you as he wished, surprised with how much you were enjoying him taking the lead during this. 

“Ready?” His voice sounded relaxed, but the fingers digging into your hips told a different story. Still, the sincerity of his gesture made your heart thrum happily.

“Yes.” You’d never been more ready for something. 

A strangled moan tore from your lips as he pressed in, obscured by the mattresses your face was currently being pressed into. Tangling your fingers into the sheets around you, you could do nothing but take him as he sheathed his length into you, inch by inch. Time seemed to slow, your breathing ragged, when it wasn’t interrupted by noises of pleasure. 

The pain wasn’t as bad as you initially thought it would be, and for a moment you were thankful that König had worked you up so much. But that tension returned again, König still not fully in you yet. A whimper of his name had him stilling, an almost painful-sounding breath leaving him as he steadied himself, using every ounce of restraint to keep going slowly. 

The words tumbled out of you then, unable to stop yourself. “I-I can take it… please.”

“Scheiße.” The expletive was not unknown to you, nearly turning smug with the fact you made him lose control again. And just like before, he was quick to put you in your place, any comment dying on your lips when he bottomed out with a sharp thrust of his hips.

You swore you saw stars, unable to make any noise besides a soft oh. König, trusting that you were telling the truth, didn’t wait to give you time to adjust. He set a brutal pace immediately, hips snapping against yours with a slick noise. You could cum just from this alone, still so worked up, and König knew this.

The hands on your body shifted, wrapping around the front of your body and lifting you effortlessly until your back was pressed against his chest. He wasted no time tearing off your shirt, groping and toying with your breasts as he continued to thrust up into you. His voice was like gravel as he spoke, his covered mouth speaking right in your ear. “Du fühlst- Gott, mein Schatz.”

Even though your brain was hazed with lust, there was one thing that stuck out to you when he spoke. Never before had he added the word “mein” before calling you Schatz. You had no idea what it meant, but it certainly sounded like an English word you’d been dying to hear from his lips. Mine.

“Yours?” You knew you were probably connecting dots that didn’t exist, but the idea of being König’s was too appealing. 

König stuttered in his movements, an absolutely sinful moan being pulled from him, a sound that nearly pushed you over that edge. “Smart girl,” he spoke while regaining his breath. “Cum for me, mein Mädchen.”

That was all you needed, reaching your release the hardest you’d ever had in your life, the relief you felt immeasurable. Your head threw back to his shoulder, and because your eyes were screwed shut you couldn’t see the way he stared at you with awe. Every muscle tensed and then released, causing you to go slack in his arms, your nerves buzzing with pleasure. 

Your ears rang too loudly to hear him groan your name as he felt you cum, and a few more thrusts of his hips was all it took to reach his own end. The sensation of him spasming inside of you rode out your waves of pleasure until it became too much. König, thankfully, seemed to realize this, and he pulled out of you, then easing your limp body to the bed carefully. 

Completely blissed out, you didn’t feel as König got off the bed, nor know how much time passed before he returned. All you knew was that suddenly the blanket was torn out from under you, before covering your bare body.

Even though every muscle in your body didn’t want to work, you forced yourself to sit upright and watch the large man, who was currently in the process of getting redressed. “You’re not staying?” You didn’t try to hide the obvious disappointment in your words. 

König stilled at that, turning to face you slowly. “Do you want me to stay?”

“Of course.” The words came out so easily, so honestly, that you nearly startled yourself with your honesty. 

Something like relief sagged his broad shoulders, and before long he was back beside your bed. You let him lay down first, as he did take up more space, before settling yourself in the crook of his arm. Well, it was more like you were half lying on top of him to keep from falling off the bed, but neither of you were complaining. König certainly wasn’t, his eyes crinkling in a poorly concealed smile. 

A few moments passed in silence, simply savoring the afterglow and the feeling of being in each other’s arms. Then, “Are you relaxed now?”

You snorted at that, lifting your head to look at him, shaking your head lightly. Fondly. “I suppose I am,” you agreed. “Though I am gonna be sore tomorrow for… other reasons.”

It was König’s turn to laugh now, the sound lighter than you expected. “I hope you are not expecting me to apologize. You were the one who asked for it.” You merely shrugged your shoulders in response, knowing he was right, but not wanting to give him the satisfaction of verbally admitting it. 

Every part of your body wanted to lay back down, but you had a different idea as you continued to observe König. He tracked every movement of your eyes, and you could see his brow furrow in confusion. Before he could say anything, though, you were speaking, so quietly you wondered if you had merely thought the words.

“Can I kiss you?”

And for the second time that night, König was at a loss, blinking at you like a deer in the headlights. But it seemed he’d already made up his mind, nodding lightly, the mask creasing with every movement of his head. 

Letting the blanket fall off you, you were quick to straddle his abdomen, eliciting a gasp from the Austrian. Tentatively, you let your fingers reach for the hem of the mask, scanning his eyes for any hesitations. When you were met with none, you flashed him a gracious smile, before pulling the cloth up right to his nose, not going further than he had before. 

His hands, which had fallen to his side, now ran up your thighs, before settling on your waist. Blue eyes danced across your face and your body, not able to decide which sight he liked better. You were quick to keep his attention on your mouth, though, as you planted one of your hands on his chest and leaned forward.

Taking your other hand, you let it trail up his neck before settling on his lower jaw, his stubble tickling your hand. He shuddered under your touch, lips parting in a soft gasp. Even with everything the two of you had done tonight, this felt the most intimate. 

When you pressed your lips against his, you couldn’t help the smile that tugged yours when he made another audible noise. A part of you wondered how long it had been since he’d been kissed, been touched this softly. If he’d let you, you’d remedy that. Gladly.

You kept the kiss short, but it promised more to come. Setting the mask back down, you pressed one last peck to his covered lips, unable to help yourself, before laying your head on his chest, keeping any comment about his fast heartbeat to yourself. “I hope you know I’ll be getting my revenge,” you said instead, hoping he didn’t realize it was just another way of saying you wanted this again. 

“I am looking forward to it, Schatz.”

Translations:

Schatz - treasure (term of endearment)

Sehr gut - very good

Gott - God

Du bist so schön - you are so beautiful

Du hast keine Idee, was ich sage - you have no idea what I am saying

Nur für mich - only for me

Nein - no

Gutes Mädchen - good girl

Scheiße - shit, fuck

Du fühlst- Gott, mein Schatz - you feel- God, my treasure

Mein Mädchen - my girl

[strawberryscribblesandwrites]

Vampires vs Bath time

Marko x reader x Paul

Summary: your two blond vampire boyfriends visit you and things get a little steamy ;)

Author's note: I might do full smut part two we shall see

A cool breeze ruffled my hair, the smell of the sea being carried by it. That was one of the few perks of living right near the boardwalk, the fresh smell of the salty ocean.

Another perk was that I was close to my boys.

Ah, my boys. How could I begin to describe my undead delinquents? Well you have David, the ring leader, charming sinister energy to him at first but once you get to know him he had a soft spot for his lost boys. Dwayne is the silent brooding type, he loves reading and riding his bike with the others. Marko and Paul, the messy mischief makers filled with a childish hyperactiveness to them.

When I first met my boys they were well they were kind of a mess, only washing in the ocean, living then with frizzy matted hair- they would occasionally use the public showers near the boardwalks, but after meeting them I was adamant that they should keep good hygiene, especially if we were to all be in a relationship. David and Dwayne followed my rule and would pop in to have a proper hot shower or bath.

Now, Paul and Marko.... would try their best to remember but they would often get caught up in their shenanigans.

My radio was playing a loud rock song that reminded me of a thrilling night in the cave. I danced around my room without a care until the sound of a shrill wolf whistle and catcalling made me jump out of my skin. Spinning around to face my open window, I saw none other than the pair of blonde vamps. Their faces and clothes smeared with thick blood.

"What the hell" I whisper shouted at them.

"Aww baby don't be like that, it was a good show" Paul said with a smirk while Marko was giggling like a mad man. "Hurry in before anyone sees you" I said, shaking my head trying to suppress a smile at their antics.

"Do not touch anything" I said sternly as they came through my window. I walked to my set of draws and got the pair some comfy clothes to chuck on while I put their blood-drenched clothes in the wash. "Let me guess you were playing with your food and got too messy?" I asked them over my shoulder. "You could say that” David said “We were starting to stink up the place" Marko mumbled, like a child being told off. "I think we could have gone a few more days before we needed a good wash" Paul said in a joking manner.

"Gross" I stated.

Putting the boy's respective comfy clothes on my bed, I turned to the pair to inspect which of them needed a more thorough approach. Looking at Paul, he didn't seem too bad. His hair was stiff, as were his clothes- covered in deep, sticky blood. But other than that he didn't seem too bad. Marko, on the other hand, had his shirt half ripped and his soaked jacket looked particularly crusty. His chaps had seen better days, not to even mention how his hair was stuck together, all matted with blood clots.

"Paul you're up first, Marko baby you need extra care. I swear if you boys continue this I'll start treating you like actual dogs and just put you in the paddling pool and hose you down" I threatened

"Woof" Marko said smirking causing Paul to explode with laughter

"Sugar, we aren't that bad" he said breathlessly between laughs. I just hummed in response, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the bathroom. "Baby, you just stay there. You can read some comics on my desk, I don't mind you getting a mess on my desk chair" I told him over my shoulder.

Turning on the taps of my bath, I added some soap and set some shampoo, conditioner and body wash on the side of the tub.

"Strip" I said pointing to the bath.

"Oooh, no need to be so snappy. If you wanted me naked you should just ask nicely" he said in a seductive tone.

"Not tonight casanova" I told him, causing him to pout.

I walked out of the bathroom giving him his privacy to get in the tub. Waiting, till I heard him shout through the door he was ready. I opened the door to collect his clothes.

"Hey baby, do you think you can wash my hair?" he asked softly. "Of course I can sweetie" I smiled.

Popping my head back into my room after I had put Paul's clothes into the washing machine, I was met with the sight of Marko, with his feet kicked up on my desk engrossed in one of my many comics. I made my way back to the bathroom, knocking on the door and waiting for a response before making my way in.

Paul lay in the bath, his wet hair pooling around his broad shoulders, his face and chest absent of the blood that was there earlier that night. "Hey Paulie" I said softly as I kneeled by the bath. He gave me a sweet smile as he sat up giving me better access to his head.

I truly loved nights like these with my boys. Sure they were killers, but they were also the boys that always treated me with love and care.

Kissing Paul's shoulder, I leaned for the shampoo, squirting some on my hand and massaging it into his scalp, causing Paul to let out a soft groan, my nails raking across his head."Have I told you how much I love you?" Paul breathlessly groaned as I started pouring water gently over his hair. “I'm always happy to hear it baby” I said, kissing his shoulder again.

I continued rinsing his hair until it was free of soap, repeating the process with the conditioner. “I could get used to this” Paul sighed, as the water sloshed round the tub as he started to stand up. “Well, I'm glad to hear that because I would prefer it if my boyfriend didn't smell like a corpse when I see him” I chuckled, wrapping a towel around his waist before he stepped out of the bath. “Aww, don't you find the smell of rotting sexy babe” he teased, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his bare chest. “Hmmm. Nope. I don’t think it is” I joked into his chest.

“Come on pretty boy, Marko needs a bath and a good scrub” I said, kissing his chest, causing a deep rumble to spread through him.

“Your clothes are on the bed and the hair dryer is in my desk drawer” I said, opening the door of the bathroom for him.

I leaned down putting my hand in the now lukewarm water to pull out the plug and let it drain .

Leaning my shoulder against the doorframe of my room, I watched as Paul moved over to my desk where Marko was sat. Paul leaned over him to get to the draw, allowing Marko to quickly lean up and kiss his jaw. “You smell nice” he told him. “Thanks bud” he said with a soft smile, retrieving the hair dryer.

Moving back to the bathroom as the last of the bath water emptied out, I replugged it, filling it with hot water and more soap, waiting until the bath was full until I called on Marko.

After a few minutes, he hadn't come. I decided to see why he was taking so long, walking over to my desk and leaning down over his shoulder. “Marko baby, why aren't you coming to the bathroom?” I asked softly.

“Babe, this comic is bitchin’. Look!” he said, excitedly showing me the panels of two characters fighting. Chuckling, I kissed his temple. “That's pretty cool, but ya gotta get a wash baby”. He groaned as he put the comic down.

We both moved to the bathroom where the bath was almost full of hot water and soap. “Pass me your jacket” I told the blond vampire. He shrugged off his jacket with a sigh. Giving a quick thank you, I moved his jacket to the kitchen where I could hand wash it.

I knocked on the door of the bathroom and waited for the okay from Marko to come in.

“Hey” he said, as I entered the steamy bathroom. “Hi” I smiled.

Marko was sat up straight in the water. Unlike Paul, he hadn’t bothered to rid his face and chest of congealed and dried blood .

Kneeling by the bathtub, I soaked the washcloth in the water, bringing it up to Marko’s face and gently scrubbed his chin. “You're both such messy eaters, you know that?” I asked with a chuckle. “We can’t help it babe, we just get a lil excited is all” he stated with a smile. I chuckled slightly at his response.

Gently, I grabbed his chin and tilted his head back so that I could wipe the blood from his neck. Occasionally, I would re-wet the cloth until his neck was clear of blood. I placed a set of soft kisses on his neck, up to his jawline. Pulling away from Marko, I dipped the cloth back in the water.

“Why are you so gentle with us?” he questioned.

“What do you mean?” I asked, while tilting my head and smiling softly.

“Well, I mean, you’re so soft with us. You make sure we are clean, and I mean- well look at you. You’re cleaning a bloodthirsty creature of the night” he stated. “I mean, you wash Pauls hair, you give David massages when he gets worked up, you sit and read with Dwayne, and don’t even get me started on how soft you are with Laddie. You buy him allsorts. You treat us so well and I don’t understand why” he said bewildered

“Hmm. Well, the answer is simple” I said as I brought my soapy hand up to his cheek. “It’s because I love you all, so very dearly” I smiled sweetly.

Marko broke out into a wide smile. “Awww, babe. You love us? Ewww” He joked as he pulled me into a kiss.

Pulling away, I gave him a soft look.“Alright lover boy, I should really wash your hair now. It’s all matted” I said. Sternly grabbing the bottle of shampoo, I started to lather his hair. “It smells like you” he mumbled to himself as I continued the process of lathering and rinsing until there were no more suds in his hair.

Grabbing the conditioner, I gently raked it through his hair before grabbing a comb to get the knots out of his curly hair, being careful not to pull and hurt him. Once I was done running the conditioner through his hair, I rinsed it all out.

“Alright, I'm gonna give your jacket a wash. I’m sure you can handle the rest from here” I said. Standing from the bathroom floor, I moved to the door.

Before I stepped down the stairs I went to check on Paul, he was on my bed, towel still low on his hips as he read one of the comics Marko had earlier. He’d turned the rock music on my radio higher, seeming comfortable

I carefully made my way down the stairs with the rest of Markos clothes in my arms. I walked into the kitchen, putting his jeans and shirt in the washing machine and setting it away along with Paul's clothes. The sloshing sound of the washer filling with water engulfed the silent kitchen. Grabbing Marko’s jacket, I filled the sink with cold water and detergent then began gently scrubbing at the blood stains, carefully, so as to not ruin it. I hummed a random song I had heard from the radio earlier as I worked away to rid the jacket of all the blood soaking it.

I stiffened as a pair of cold hands made their way round my waist.

“What you doing down here all by yourself?” Paul hummed huskily in my ear as his hand made its way under my shirt.

“Ah! Paul baby, your hands are freezing” I squealed, trying to squirm away from him.

“Well, you can help me warm them up” He mumbled against my skin. Paul started to drag his lips slowly down my neck until he reached the junction where my neck met my shoulders. I hummed at the feeling of his soft lips on the crook of my neck, the sensation sending shockwaves through my body.

“I heard you and Marko in the bathroom” He whispered as he began kissing and nibbling back up my neck to my ear, causing me to let out a low huffy breath. “We love you too” he said as he pulled away, causing my hairs to stand on end.

Groaning at the loss of one of my vampire boyfriends body on mine, I turned to see his face lit up with a devilish smirk.

“Come on, Marks waiting” He informed, deciding I could finish washing markos jacket later. I dried my hands on a dish towel before following Paul up the stairs to my room.

As I entered the room I was met with the sight of Marko drying his hair with the spare towel I had given him earlier.

“Hey baby” He said joyfully with a smile. I chuckled at his joy. Paul had once again wrapped himself around me as he swayed to the rock music on the radio. He would occasionally place kisses along my neck.

Marko soon made his way over to us both. He placed one of his hands on my hips as he brought the other to my cheek to pull me into a passionate kiss.

The feeling of Marko’s lips on mine mixed with the feeling of Paul’s nibbling kisses and occasionally licking my neck made my head spin.

“Boys” I groaned at there attack as I pulled away from Marko for air, leaning my head back.

This only allowed the pair to continue their attack. Marko dove in, attaching his lips to the underside of my jaw.

Paul pulled away giggling. “Aww, look Marko, we have them melting” Paul teased, causing the other boy to pull away with a smile.

“You boys are the worst”. I groaned at the loss of their touch.

“You sure about that sugar?” Paul said as he tilted my chin to pull me into a passionate kiss. Marko trailed his cold hands from my hips up my stomach, the feeling of his cold fingertips trailing up my chest sent shivers down my spine, causing me to let out a moan into the kiss with paul.

Marko continued his path, his cold hand grabbed my chest with a dark chuckle. “Your heart is beating so fast baby. Do we really get you going that bad?” He said as he lifted my shirt and kissed my hip before he made his way up my stomach. The feeling of his soft breathing on my skin made my stomach muscles tense. It felt like the most heavenly torture.

He pulled away, making me internally groan. “You made them all whiney” Paul cooed in mock sympathy, causing Marko to giggle as he pulled my shirt off.

His nails gently dragged my hips closer to his face the cold tip of his nose hitting just above my hip made my body shiver in anticipation, Markos eye flitted up to mine then to pauls.

Paul's hand trailed up my chest his hand trailed up my chest to my his hands were soft as he moved my head slightly to the side and slowly licked up my neck before I felt the nipping feeling of his teeth dragging along the tender skin below my ear. Marko had pulled away from my hip his fingers digging under the hem of my jeans with a smirk “mmm hey paul do you think they are desperate enough” he rasped to the other vampire “nope” paul replied Marko breathily My room once filled with loud rock music was replaced by my own breathy wines and moans mixed with the raspy teasing giggles of Marko and paul they really did love teasing.

[eldaryasharbinger]

MCL New Gen Ep. 8 Review!

Wow (yes that's all I have to say in this section this time...)

As per usual, everything goes below the cut (I'm a little late again, so sorry, life's been busy with mental issues and work lol)

I'm just going to start right away with my thoughts

When I first started the episode, at first I thought that it wasn't THAT bad, the vibes felt like a group of friends just joking around, roasting each other etc, Roy didn't feel uncomfortable to me at the beginning, more like "haha yeah guys I get it, so funny"

With my own group of friends we have all kinds of inside jokes and we often make fun of each other for silly things

But soon after that, I started feeling EXTREMELY uncomfortable, because I'm sure that the event could've slide if the characyhas STOPPED there, instead, they all just kept on going and making really fucking weird jokes?? I'm not going to quote them, because I'd rather avoid remind others, but I'm referring specifically to one that Thomas made

Speaking of Thomas, he was the worst in this episode, making werid-ass "jokes", being the "mastermind" with all of it, treating it as a "special" and "exciting" undercover mission?? wtf is wrong with you?

Also, I get that he knows a lot, is a great hacker etc, but as someone that struggles with paranoia (I've gotten better with it compared to how I was just a few months ago) I don't like it, why is he literally spying on his co-workers? And most of all, revealing their secrets like that?

Considering that we had (VERY FEW) options to express our discontent/disagreement/uncomfortableness during the episode, the writers KNEW that what they were doing wasn't good, I swear it could've went in a different and more positive direction SO EASILY, but instead they decided to make everyone sound like a creep, and make Amanda look like a party pooper or something, just for being reasonable?

Also, honestly, if they're all such good friends then sure, as long as all of them are fine with it, they can joke about anything and it shouldn't be my business, but since they kept on going DURING WORK HOURS, It was horrible.

Well, of course... We start the episode with him being shirtless again, like others have pointed out, I wish we could've said "yes, it actually does make me uncomfortable that you're walking around the office half-naked" but noo all we could say is "I don't mind" or "I've gotten used to it" (which is true, but still that's not very professional?? I get having each our own chair, but at least the rest of us are dressed 😔)

this was one of the biggest "wtf" moment to me, like ??? are you SANE or NOT?? Bro just go back to work and let that be, why involve pretty much everyone in the office on this stupid thing? what plan??? I felt so sorry for Roy, because seriously what he does in his own privacy shouldn't be entertaining to us, we weren't supposed to know about it, but Thomas being annoying had to go and reveal everything, maybe ruining the fun for Roy too?? Like, literally zero respect for privacy

Again, if we had these lines of dialogue, the writers KNEW what they were doing. So disappointed.

Also everyone else being told this and then acting like it's not that big of a deal? I would like to see them in Roy's position. Maybe then they'd understand, since they all want to pretend that it's not that bad. Also Roy clearly asked them to stop and move on from it, but they didn't want to because it was sOoO funny :/

Like at this point I'd ALMOST hope that they all get exposed for something like Thomas exposed Roy, so that they get a taste of their own medicine, but since this isn't real life it'll most likely never happen :/

errr,, sure,,, right after they tried to get us to join them and insisting that it's going to be a fun experience, wtf?

They won't FORCE you but they'll "peer pressure" you in a way :/

Okay well this did make me laugh a little, probably the only funny thing all of them said during the ep, the rest was just icky, to say the least

They said they didn't make him neurodivergent but come on now????? Is this a coincidence after another?

Also Candy going "When will i ever get the chance?" to swim naked, you literally have a pool at home girl, what are you even talking about 😭🙏🏻

Last thing I'll add before moving on to Jason's part of the episode (I have some more to say about the situation of the episode at the end) is Brune going "what is wrong with you??" After Roy splashed us with the water gun

GIRL??? BFFR???!!! THAT'S INSANE TO YOU???? WHAT ABOUT YOUR LACK OF RESPECT FOR PRIVACY WHAT THE HELL!!!! Sorry for swearing so much this time but can you blame me?? what other kind of reaction can one have 😭😭⁉️

About Jason

Sooo this was at the beginning of the episode! I'm loving every moment and every bit of the story with Jason, I really really really hope we'll end up with a more soft storyline with him, I've already said it before but I really don't want his story to turn into something extremely sexual, where that's all there is to the relationship

I'll genuinely quit his route if that happens, because as an asexual I just can't bring myself to enjoy that kind of content (if it's about other characters then I don't mind, but since our Candy is supposed to be "us" I'd still feel uncomfortable :( I've also given Petronilla so many of my own traits that it would be kind of difficult for me to differentiate completely)

Of course, so far, it seems that he's more gentle than he appears to be, so hopefully they'll keep it that way :(

I don't mind a little spice here and there, it's fun, but as a hopeless romantic I hope it'll be a sweet story in the end,, I don't think I'll say this enough haha,,

Two things, did his tattoo leak before or you're all really good at guessing?? And now I have to go back and update my other drawings... Yeah I won't do that but i'll try to keep it in mind (I still forget 'Nilla's freckles sometimes so not sure if I'll be able lol)

"Two things" I don't remember what the second one was or if I've already wrote it, I wrote that bit when I was laying down the draft for thw review so I forgot 😭🙏🏻

NOOOO I REALLY THOUGH THIS WAS REAL!!! I'm glad it wasn't because it would've been TOO SOON, but omg I was saying "What the fuck" repeatedly 😭🙏🏻 The scene was everything, but now it got me wondering which parts of it were real, and which were in our imagination? Like, when does the real part end and rhw fantasizing start?? Because I'd like if the only thing she imagined was the kiss, since everything esle was way too cute 😭😭

I haven't edited any of the recent Illustrations but I really want to do this one!! The only thing is that Petronilla should be on a stool or something because my girl is NOT that tall lmao

He looks so good too I'm so glad 😭🙏🏻 I'm always afraid after what they did to Leiftan's illustration in ANE 🥲 Like, so few of them are good, most look fcking weird to me 😭🙏🏻

The only thing I wish they made better was the different hair colors on our candy, sometimes they look so weird and out of place with the lighting :/

They should adjust the curves and all that, if you know what I mean, because the details get lost in the transition from one color to another

-------------------------------

Now that I feel like I've said pretty much all that came to mind, I want to finish by saying how everything that went bad in this episode could've been avoided by having the "same" ending (us at the pool/spa/whatever with our LI's)

If they really wanted to, they could've kept the first part of the episode (Thomas exposing Roy's secret that he swims naked)

BEFORE you get the wrong idea, I'd make that stop right after a little bit of friendly teasing (very little) and then I'd simply make the other characters interested in the idea of swimming naked or something, like they wanted to try it out

For Devon, idk how things are at that point if you're on his route, but since he's good friends with Roy, he could've asked him to let him try it, and maybe he'd invite candy too, not sure if that'd make sense

For Thomas, since from my understanding they end up on the beach, it could've went a similar way where him and candy want to try it out but maybe they didn't think to ask Roy to go to the pool, so instead they decided to go to the only other place that came to mind?

I'm not sure how Amanda's route goes, but I think it would still be the same thing since she wasn't interested in the pool anyway, and between girls I guess being naked before each other is different/more normal? (correct me if I'm wrong, I might've been born as one but since I'm trans I've always struggled with this kind of thing, always felt uncomfortable in swimsuits etc so I had a different kind of experience 💔)

While for Roy and Jason's route, they could've started the same, actually Jason's part could've stayed the same, idk how Roy's goes but since he's the one with the pool keys it just makes sense? (Sorry if I'M not making sense or if I'm writing these in a confusing way, I'm trying to be brief but I don't know if what I'm saying is something already in the episodes or not, I play on Jason's route after all 🥲)

So basically, centering the episode instead of spying on our coworker, into making us curious about the experience and try it for ourselves

Oh well, could've been should've been it's all done now and we know we won't get a change, let's all pretend nothing happened and hope that if something similar was programmed for upcoming episodes, that they'd change it (even a little) based on the current feedback 🙏🏻

Let me know if you have different opinions because I'm interested! (as long as it's not the same thing everyone's been saying...)

(I am not proofreading all that, so I'm sorry for any mistakes I made!!)

Thank you for your patience and for reading all this!

[splendidunboyfriendable]

hold on (brian quinn x reader)

[I know this is a little random but you know what older men do to me. Trigger warning for mild descriptions of sexual assault. This is also posted to the japage3moondog ao3.]

Part One: Hold Me Back

Part Two: Hold Me Down

"So, what would you say is Q's biggest flaw in your relationship?" Joe asked.

"I love him," You answered. "but he can be a little jealous."

"In Q's punishment today," Sal started to explain. "we are going to be exploiting this flaw."

"We're gonna see if we can get him to punch someone in the face basically." Murr joked. 

... 

You had been dating Brian for almost half a year now. He'd kept your relationship pretty much just between the two of you, especially in the early months. The privacy was nice. Even though he wasn't a necessairily big celebrity, he still attracted some publicity and you weren't really the type to enjoy that.

Brian was your dream man. He was almost too good to be true. You could have serious, intelligent conversations with him but he could still make you laugh. He made you feel safe, loved and respected. Every moment with him was a cherished memory. His only real flaw was his jealousy.

Everyone who knew Brian, knew about his possessive tendancies. He would glare at every guy who looked at you when you were out. He was fiercely protective and shut down any joke or jab at your expense. He would keep his arm wrapped tight around your waist in public, keeping you close as possible.

As far as he was concerned, anyone who hung around you for too long was trying to get in your pants. He made it his mission to show those punks that you were happily taken. You knew part of it was just his touch-starved side but there was definitely some underlying insecurity you were trying to work through together.

He made you aware of the implications of dating him from the start - the show, his tight friend group, his insecurities. All thanks to doing a risky 20 questions on your first date. You were grateful that he was upfront, if not intimidated by his honesty.

Meeting the guys was like meeting his parents. It was a little awkward, given how well they knew each other but you got along fairly well. When Murr asked you if you were interested in being featured on his show, you were surprised that they wanted you to be involved.

You had to give it a lot of thought and they had to give you a lot of convincing but eventually you agreed. They were waiting on an episode where Brian would lose so they could use you in the punishment segment. Something involving random strangers hitting on you while Brian was forced to deal. Initially, you were hesitant to touch on such a sensitive part of your relationship but the guys assured you that they'd take the fall if anything went awry.

...

The guys stood outside of the club, riffing while they waited for the shoot to start.

"Q," Murr said, grinning at the camera."you are the loser of today's episode."

"And for your punishment," Sal explained. "you're going to the club!"

Brian rolled his eyes as the other jokers laughed at him.

"Why don't you take a look at this outfit, buddy?" Joe threw clothes at him that landed at his feet. 

Brian picked up the shirt first - a cropped baby tee with the phrase 'SINGLE & READY 2 MINGLE' across the chest and 'GRAB MY ASS 4 MY PHONE #' along the back in pink, puffy paint. He chuckled, comparing the small size of the shirt to his chest. Underneath the shirt, laid a pair of equally small, booty shorts that looked like they would cut off the circulation to his legs. 

"Uh, I don't think these are my size, fellas." Brian said, confused.

"That's 'cause it's not for you," Joe went on, between laughs. "it's for your lovely girlfriend."

Brian's pleasant expression dropped immediately. The thought of a random guy groping you made his blood boil. He subconsciously curled his fingers into tight fists at the hypothetical. 

"While your girlfriend is out making some new friends," Sal laughed. "you're going to be behind the bar of this club behind us." 

"And if you make any drinks wrong," Murr added. "let's just say we'll be upping the anti."

...

You put on the outfit the guys had chosen for you. You had to admit that it felt nice to be part of one of their jokes but you were nervous for the outcome. You checked yourself out in the club bathroom mirror. The shorts clung nicely to the curve of your ass, leaving a cheeky bit of flesh visible. The tshirt barely covered your bra, the text stretched over your chest. You smiled at your appearance, hoping that Brian would get to see you like this. 

You checked the time on your phone, awaiting the start of the punishment. Sal had sent you a text, telling you to sit at the bar but not to order anything yet. You followed the instructions, picking the stool farthest from the noise of the DJ's booth. You were greeted by the sight of your boyfriend in dinky bartender's garb.

"Can I get you anything, sweetheart?" He asked, leaning over the bar to be closer to you. 

"They told me not to get anything yet," You answered. "your outfit's adorable."

"I'd say the same to you if we weren't here right now." He spoke through his teeth. "If anyone even looks at your ass, I swear to god, I'll murder them with my bare hands."

You could see the anger burning in his eyes. His usual big brown irises shone with flicks of colour from the club lights. His brow was furrowed and he was biting the inside of cheek. He was trying to keep true rage a secret, but it was written all over his face. He moved closer to you, his fingers grazed your chin, tilting your head upwards. Your eyes fluttered closed as your lips connected. As embarrassing as it was to be the type of couple to make out in public, you knew you both needed this. 

"Hey!" Sal scolded, sitting beside you at the bar. "Cut that out, you're making it seem like she's off the market."

You pulled away, still tasting him on your lips. Brian was already shooting daggers at Sal, exhaling deeply through his nose. 

"Can I get you anything?" Brian asked, his jaw clenched. 

"A beer," Sal said, pulling out his wallet. "and a drink for my lady friend here."

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose before pouring Sal a beer and slamming it down on the table in front of him. 

"What would you like, baby?" He turned to you, placing his hand on yours.

"Just a water please." You answered as he slid you a bottle of water. 

Sal put down a ten dollar bill and slid an arm around your waist. 

"Why don't we hit the dance floor?" Sal set your drink down and you followed him away from the bar, but still in Brian's field of view.

You could see the anger burning in his eyes. His usual big brown irises shone with flicks of colour from the club lights. His brow was furrowed and he was biting the inside of cheek. He was trying to keep true rage a secret, but it was written all over his face. He moved closer to you, his fingers grazed your chin, tilting your head upwards. Your eyes fluttered closed as your lips connected. As embarrassing as it was to be the type of couple to make out in public, you knew you both needed this. 

"Hey!" Sal scolded, sitting beside you at the bar. "Cut that out, you're making it seem like she's off the market."

You pulled away, still tasting him on your lips. Brian was already shooting daggers at Sal, exhaling deeply through his nose. 

"Can I get you anything?" Brian asked, his jaw clenched. 

"A beer," Sal said, pulling out his wallet. "and a drink for my lady friend here."

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose before pouring Sal a beer and slamming it down on the table in front of him. 

"What would you like, baby?" He turned to you, placing his hand on yours.

"Just a water please." You answered as he slid you a bottle of water. 

Sal put down a ten dollar bill and slid an arm around your waist. 

"Why don't we hit the dance floor?" Sal set your drink down and you followed him away from the bar, but still in Brian's field of view.

You looked back at Brian, shooting him a sympathetic look as you danced with Sal. 

"It's a pity we haven't spoken much before this." He said, twirling you to the music. "It does make this funnier though."

"Are guys really going to grab my ass?" You asked nervously. "I don't want Brian to catch a charge."

"It'll be fine, I'm here to make sure nothing gets too crazy," He assured you. "just relax and have fun."

You did your best to listen to him and focus on the music. You didn't go out often, especially not out to clubs, so getting to dance around was a treat. The music wasn't what you'd usually enjoy but there was something about the lights and the people around you that just made it perfect. Sal would shoot you a comforting grin every now and then, reminding you of the joke. 

It took barely twenty minutes for the first guy to grab your ass. If you hadn't felt it, Brian shattering a beer glass against the bar would've felt it for you. You turned around to a stranger holding up his phone with his contacts open. Out of shock, you put in a bunch of random numbers so he'd go away. You looked back at Sal, jaw still grazing the floor. He had his fist in his mouth, cackling away. 

You turned to see Brian trying to jump over the bar, Joe and Murr holding him back to prevent the murder that was about to occur. You mouthed at him that you were okay but the distance between you made it unintelligible. You tried to walk back over to him but Sal pulled you back.

"I'll talk to him, just wait here." He said. "Murr'll come over, we'll switch places."

You were definitely more stiff without the security of Sal by your side but Murr didn't make it a long wait. You were just waiting for the punishment to be over, trying to enjoy what you could.

"Q is totally going to kill someone tonight." Murr laughed.

You looked back at your boyfriend, Joe and Sal calming him down. 

"How many guys have to grope me before this is over?" You asked.

"Only a couple more," He answered. "do me a favour, give the next guy Q's number."

You giggled at the thought of Brian getting a late night text from a horny stranger. The next guy looked about half your size and you could feel his hands shake even though the touch was only for a second. You dutifully put Brian's number in as your contact, leaving a winky emoticon next to some made up name. You didn't even have to turn around to know that Brian was fuming. Murr looked like he was about to die of laughter. You giggled along too, the humour of douchebags thinking they had a chance with you forcing up a chuckle.

The final switch was made, Joe taking Murr's place. He awkwardly danced next to you, glancing at Brian every so often. 

"You having a good time?" He asked.

"I'm alright," You shrugged. "but, I'm a little worried about Brian's blood pressure."

"We'll get him on pills." Joe joked, making you laugh.

"Hey, baby." A stranger came up behind you and pulled you up against him by your hips. You froze for a moment, in shock of what just happened. After the realisation hit, you turned around slapping the man across the face. 

"Where's my number?!" The guy snapped. 

Joe signalled over club security, pulling you away from the creepy guy. The bouncer

"Holy shit," Joe said. "are you okay?"

"I'll live," You answered honestly. "I knew it was a possibility, I'm fine, really."

Brian rushed over to you, hugging you as tightly as possible. You reciprocated the embrace, wrapping your arms around his neck and letting him hold you. You could feel his rapid heartbeat thud against your chest. His breathing steadily evened out as he held you.

"God almighty, sweetheart," He whispered in your ear. "I'll never let that happen again."

"It's okay, Brian, I'm yours" You assured him. "I'll always be yours."

When you pulled away from the hug, you saw the guys huddled around you, looking shaken up. 

"Is everything cool?" Sal offered you a sympathetic look. "We don't have to air this."

"Yeah, we can always put him in a cage with spiders." Murr joked. 

"No, you should use this for the show," You said. "it's funny."

"You guys can head home," Joe made shooing motions. "we'll stay and film the outro."

Brian nodded at them, sliding his arm around your waist as he led you to the car. You rested your head on his shoulder, relieved to feel his hands on you instead of some perverted stranger. You breathed in his cologne while he gently rubbed your side. 

"I really am fine." You said, looking up at Brian.

"I know, I know," He spoke gently. "you just seem cold. I can feel your goosebumps, honey."

He opened the passanger door for you, giving you a chaste kiss before getting in the car himself. He rested his hand on your thigh while he drove. You leaned against the window, listening to him hum along to the radio. You could still see a glint of anger in his eyes.

"Just so you know," He made eye contact with you through the rear view mirror. "I'm going to destroy your ass when we get home."

[whyse7vn]

RUMOURS -

[ot7 x reader]

3D OUT NOW!

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: guys be honest am i puppy coded

jin: you are rat coded

tae: no i’m not guys tell him i’m not

jk: cheese

hobi: GUYS DID YOU SEE THE STATEMENT BIGHIT JUST PUT OUT FOR THE Y/N AND YOONGI DATING RUMOURS???????

jimin: the what?

jk: THE WHAT?

tae: arf?

jin: you can’t force the puppy lifestyle

tae: you don’t know anything

guys tell him he knows nothing

jimin: were they not just fighting like???

namjoon: they made a statement about it?

tae: but bighit denied it right?

jk: RIGHT?

hobi: THATS THE CRAZY PART

jimin: no fucking way

jk: STOP LYING

namjoon: but they were literally just in a meeting about it?

like i’m not joking like 10 minutes ago they were in the conference room

they had to deny it no?

jk: RIGHT TELL HIM NAMJOON

namjoon: unless theyre actually together

jk: nO NO

NOT TRUE

TRUST ME

hobi: Hello.

This is BIGHIT MUSIC.

We would like to inform our fans that we as a company do not control relationships our artists may engage in.

This is in relation to the recent rumours concerning BTS SUGA and Y/n.

As this is a matter that concerns our artists personal lives we can not confirm or deny these rumours.

We ask that fans to respect both artists privacy and remind you that our company will spare no effort in providing legal support for our artists if it is needed.

We ask you for your continued love and support for both SUGA and Y/n and and a reminder that fellow BTS member Jungkook releases his solo single “3D” featuring Jack Harlow on September 29th.

IS THIS NOT INSANE

jin: the jungkook plug at the end???

jk: SO ITS NOT TRUE

THEY ARE NOT TOGETHER

namjoon: oh

tae: they could be

jimin: @ y/n @ yoongi wya

are you together? be honest

y/n: hiiiiiiiiiiii

jk: hiiiiiiiiiiiiii

yoongi: hello

jk: kill yourself

tae: babe tell me why you didn’t tell them to deny it

look me in the eyes

tell me the truth baby it’s just you and me

namjoon: we are in a gc

tae: you and me angle

jin: do you mean angel you fucking idiot

tae: baby 🥺

who is this man??

namjoon: i am curious tho

why didn’t you deny?

y/n: no point

tae: the point is we are in love

hobi: ok but are you together?

yoongi: who knows

jimin: obviously you fucking stupid bitch

jin: he wanna be mysterious so bad 😭

jk: this is not true

i won’t accept this

I WONT

namjoon: soooo

yoongi: it’s lowkey true anyways

namjoon: it is?

tae: IT IS???????

jk: NOT

IT IS NOT TRUE

THATS WHAT HES SAYING

yoongi: that is not what i’m saying

jimin: ur officially together?

y/n: we are not

yoongi: yet

y/n: yoongi!!!

yoongi: :3

jin: ew ok i want to throw up

hobi: i can’t stand you guys already

tae: i’m in a wheelchair actually

thanks a lot guys

namjoon: ok

jk: NOT OK

jimin: so scoups wasn’t the one for you then?

or mingyu?

jungkook???

or that san guy

not even minho????

i liked minho

shownu?

OH what about the young one

what was his name again

??

OH MARK

what happened to mark?

hobi: OMG WHAT ABOUT BAEKHYUN????

tae: YOU FUCKED WITH BAEKHYUN AND NOT ME??

WHEN

TELL ME WHEN

PLEASE DONT TELL ME IT WAS IN THE 2014-2016 TIMELINE

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

IT WAS WASN’T IT

OH MY GOD IM GONNA THROW UP

THROWING UP AS I TYPE

BELHHHHHHHH 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤢🤮🤮

namjoon: shut the fuck up

y/n: leave me alone

half of that list is a lie anyways

i am not a whore!

jimin: lowkey a lie but ok!

namjoon: jimin

jimin: what???

i still support my queen like yess you go girl catch flights not feelings or whatever the girls are saying these days

jin: y/n how do you not have like stds ?

yoongi: wtf is wrong with you

y/n: CUz IM NOT A WHORE

i don’t just fuck anybody

jimin: lied again cuz wtf is jungkook?

hobi: dead by now

probably

y/n: kook is special don’t be mean

jk: hehe i am >.<

hobi: what did i fuck did i tell you about heheing in this gc

jk: srry

jin: jungkook needs to be like deeply studied like he’s actually not fucking right and it’s scary

i’m scared

like how are you ignoring the fact that the girl you in love with is in your face basically claiming another man

and not just any man literally one of your closet friends

like the fact you can forget all of that after one compliment from her is insane

you are insane

jk: no i’m special tell him y/n

y/n: my special boy <3

jk: HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHDHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH

yoongi: we are not close friends btw

y/n: don’t start

yoongi: :3

tae: ok idc can you deny the rumours now

jk: PLEASE

yoongi: no

namjoon: as much as i for what ever you guys have got going on i really think you should deny the rumours

yoongi: no

jk: YEAH

WOOO PUT UR FOOT DOWN JOON

TELL HIM

TELL HIM

WOOO WOOO

I LOVE KIM NAMJOON

tae: ???

why are you for what they have going on please pick a fucking side namjoon you cannot be the middle man

namjoon: can you guys shut up for 2

seconds

tae: 1

jungkook say 2

jk: 2

tae: we did

namjoon: you really didn’t

hobi: JUNGKOOK YOU HEHEED AGAIN YOU BETTER STOP ONE MORE TIME AND ILL GET PHYSICAL

jk: i’m sorry 😢

namjoon: anyways as i was saying i think it would be better to deny the the rumours now for y/ns sake she gets enough hate as it is and this will really only add to it

jimin: wait ur kinda right my poor girl :/

tae: i can give her love dw

come into my arms baby

cum 2 me

yoongi: kill yourself

jk: ILL PROTECT YOU Y/N

y/n: means the world jk

jk: AHHHHHHH :DDDDDDDD

yoongi: he’s lame

y/n: don’t

yoongi: :3

y/n: and thank you for ur concern joonie but i’m literally in a dating scandal every other week there’s honestly no point the hate was bound to come anyways

and plus the love out weighs the hate so i’m sosososo good

namjoon: i don’t believe you but ok

hobi: LMAOOOO

sorry not funny

tae: weak ass fucking leader ohmy god

where is ur sense of authority

where is ur dominance?

hobi: stop talking

y/n: we do not want to hear ur furry talk

tae: THAT IS NO WAY TO TALK TO YOUR ALPHA YOUNG LADY

now come here let me scent you

hobi: actually end your life

y/n: please

yoongi: come over

jin: geez buy me dinner first

jimin: fat bitch

jin: im literally gonna put this on twitter and get you cancelled

jimin: noooo not to ur 13 followers my career is done for i’m telling you

hobi: what’s ur eta what’s ur eta

jk: idk et sorry

and also idk who a is either

i’m sorry

hobi: LEAVE ME ALONE

jk: i said i was sorry

i hope u find them

hobi: i have a gun to ur head in my mind rn

jk: don’t shoot 😂

wrong emoji

*🥲

PLEASE I HAVE A FAMILY

jimin: of lice

jin: omg rice sounds so good rn

jimin: i said lice wow ur actually fat

jin: NAMJOON TELL HIM HES BEING PROBLEMATIC

namjoon: jimin ur being problematic

jimin: namjoon tell him he’s being big

namjoon: go away please

tae: ok why have the rumours not been denied

y/n: why are we back to this

yoongi: she wants me that’s why

jk: NO

NO

NO TRUE

ARE YOU HER SPECIAL BOY

YOU ARE NOT

BECAUSE I AM

AND I HAVE PROOF

SO SHUT THE HELL UP

yoongi: thats cool and all but where are your dating rumours?

jk: SHUT THE HELL UP SHUT THE HELL UPPPPPPPP

y/n: stop being losers

jk: i’m in love with you

yoongi: :3

jin: insanity

tae: yoongi say something for me rq

yoongi: no

tae:

hobi: HELPPPPOO

jimin: LMAO

y/n: PLS

yoongi: ur actually a child and i do not use light mode so this just looks stupid

jin: was still funny with dark mode

yoongi: no it wasn’t

tae: it was

everyone laughed

don’t be mad i made everyone laugh

cuz u know u could NEVER

yoongi: namjoon didn’t laugh

tae: namjoon isn’t even a man

namjoon: ???

jk: i use light mode

jimin: what

jin: omg

hobi: ew

yoongi: as expected

tae: bro

y/n: kookie…

jk: IS THAT BAD OHMYGOD IS IT BAD HOW DO I CHANGE IT?? IS THAT BAD

AM I A BAD PERSON

I AM

I AM

I KNOW I AM

I SHOULD BE LOCKED UP

THEY NEED TO LOCK ME UP

PLEASE LOCK ME UP

NO JUST KILL ME

JUST KILL ME AND LET ME ROT

NO TORTURE ME

MAKE SURE IT HURTS REAL BAD

AND THEN LIKE

COOK BAM INFRONT OF ME AND MAKE ME EAT HIM AS I BEG YOU ALL TO STOP AND I START THROWING UP

THEN CHOKE ME UNTIL I CANT BREATE AND WATCH AS THE LIFE SLOWLY LEAVES MY EYES

namjoon: what the fuck

y/n: what did bam do

tae: that’s pretty messed up

jin: are you ok?

jimin: …

yoongi: fucking freak

hobi: woah

jk: punish me

namjoon: clam down

jk: please

y/n: crazy!

jk: kiss me

i know i don’t deserve it but kiss me

yoongi: go away

tae: kiss me

jk: NO

tae: ngl i’m sick of hoseok guys

hobi: what did i do

tae: leave me alone

hobi: i’m literally having sex with ur mother rn

tae: OMG????

PLS NO

namjoon: both of you just shut up please

hobi: you saw how he came for me for no reason and ur telling me to shut up??

are u fr rn…

i feel so betrayed rn

jimin: horny rn

y/n: gross

jimin: come fix it

yoongi: shut the fuck up

jk: DON’T SPEAK TO HER LIKE THAT

namjoon: i have a headache

jin: shut the hell up

namjoon left “3D OUT NOW!!”

y/n: wow jin

jk: namjoon :(

jimin: jin wtf did you do

hobi: what the hell seokjin

tae: ofc it was jin

yoongi: big jin L

jin: IT WASN’T MY FALUT

HE WAS WHINING LIKE A BITCH

jk: you should apologise

tae: bully

y/n: poor joonie

jimin: say sorry

hobi: always so mean for no reason

yoongi: 👎🏻

jin: u guys are actually not right in the head leave me alone

—

PT 2 TWITTER WORK HERE

tags: @piw6n @jvmisvu @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @indigobsessed @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf

[changelingsandothernonsense]

Joshi's Top Ten Best and Worst places to jork it in Vvardenfell District

Part One here

Building on the initial post and an idea floated by @skyrim-forever (Check out theirs) and my own personal craziness. Here I introduce Joshi's Best and Worst Jorking location on Vvardenfell that he's sampled or wants to sample/ him on his soap box/ his hit list. Under a cut again for the whole NSFT thing. Remember this is all a joke.

The Best of the Worst! Vvardenfell Edition!

10. Best Suran

Oh...you're back aye? Right so why Suran? Simple, I spent most of my adolescence here. I got the fuck around since I wasn't really welcome back at the Estate unless Ilaro's out of town an let me tell you, he was rarely out of town. I used to hang out in one of the warehouses on the docks that was basically a poorly hidden hidey hole for Tong smuggling. Had to watch that warehouse a lot. I was a bored kid so yeah, I'm gonna fucking figure out that jacking off was a fun use of 5 minutes.

It just barely sneaks in because it's familiar an I don't know some fucked sense of sentimentality. Jerk it on the docks if you're feeling mildly adventurous...I think they rebuilt them...I don't think I burnt down more than the main pier?

Ah fuck me... 10. Worst That fucking boat!

It's dark, it's moist an it's covered in rats and their shit! The stench alone is a turn off. Then you got the fact that the whole thing moves, you are tied to the floor an you have zero privacy. Look if you are jerking it in the hull it's because you're desperate for a wank. It's a pitiful wank. It's an unsatisfying wank. It's something to do, sure, an we all fucking do it but like...I'd rather be doing it somewhere where I wasn't filthy and wasn't being looked at by some dumb fuck who's also over being locked up in a place where you can't stand up straight!

Like if you have to have a wank do it because eight weeks is way too long not to but it's certainly on my shit list.

9. Best Seyda Neen's Census and Excise Office

Now this one is more a fantasy of mine then anything I've actually done in the flesh (I got a husband with a brain who stops me from fucking up like that) but could you fucking imagine? I hate the Empire, I hate their taxmen and I fucking hate that old fuck who grilled me with inane questions for well over an hour when I needed a fucking piss! Every one of those fucks that work there deserve it an I don't give a fuck if that's crass! I guess this could go for Cosades' hovel in Balmora too, but that would require me actually going near any of his filthy fucking furniture! See this is why I need someone to think for me. 9. Worst Anywhere at the Erabenimsun camp.

Firstly, there is no circumstance where I'm remotely welcome here. My gahata had a bit of a power boner (fuck where do I get that from) an decided "Yeah I should just poison the Ashkhan because I think I can do a better job." An you wanna know how that turned out? The fuck split the tribe in half an got most of his clan killed. You know, I can't even set foot on the main tribe's border without getting an arrow to the face. Let alone find a spot to get my rocks off. Too busy running from the old blood price on my head to worry about blowing my load in Ulath-Pal's yurt- which I would have done if I had the chance let me tell you.

Give this place a skip if you value breathing.

8. Best The Urshilaku Camp

Specifically the yurt I'm staying in. Look, I do actually respect some things an this is one of them. Though, considering how long and how often I stay there, I'm gonna need some time to myself. I don't often have to take care of myself (what with me staying with Erra an all but keep that quiet aye?) but if I have to... It's up there with a locked suite at a corner club or like...a house? It's good coz I'm not being bothered too much. Just don't get upset about a little bit of ash getting thrown into the mix. It's a hazard of the Ashlands. 8. Worst Any an all Velothi Towers

I get it, you've been trudging through the wilderness all fucking day an you're tired. You see the ruins of some weird fucking structure in the distance. It's pretty solid looking an maybe you can set up camp in or near it. You do that, enter the ruin an after you've set up all your junk you decide to relax a bit. Think again fucker! Relace your pants an get the fuck out of there! If you're lucky, you'll escape an extremely offended Telvanni who doesn't appreciate you ruining his experiments after he's copped an eyeful. If you're unlucky, you'll find that you've offended a vampire coven an you gotta race out of there with your trousers around your ankles and a desperate need for a cure disease potion. Find literally anywhere else! 7. Best Erra's House

Erra bought a small house in Maar Gan not long after we met. We stay there whenever I need a rest an Erra wants to make a few drakes off the Redoran. It's that same "home" principle but I don't have to worry about locked doors on nothing coz the only person who's gonna catch me is just as likely to help me finish. I highly recommend...

Ah... nothing special it's just a nice, normal place to jack off if I'm bored an Erra's busy.

7. Worst Any Daedric Shine Ever

Just like the Velothi Towers. Easy trap when you're travelling and bone tired. You see these twisted towers in the distance an you're thinking "Fuck yes! A place to camp!" Maybe you've had the fortune of locating one of the ones that's by a pretty lagoon. It's so unbelievably tempting to just rub one out then take a nap. WRONG YOU DUMB FUCK! You ever been so close to cuming and then get attacked by a scamp who's angry you've intruded on it's house? No? Well don't make the same dumb mistakes I have then. 6. Best Balmora's Fighters Guild

Seemingly inconspicuous, yeah? Most members have a dormitory they share so not a lot of opportunity for privacy. This wouldn't even be on the list if I didn't have a giant bone to pick with their Master-at-Arms and her choice to basically use that whole outfit to do heavy work for Orvas Dren an the Camonna Tong. No, the reason this is so high is because I fucking relished in leaving a surprise in her desk draw. What can I say, I'm very, very petty an she's pissed me the fuck off enough times for me to get my rocks off at the thought of her angrily screaming at the mess.

6. Worst Ancestral Tombs

Firstly, I wanna know who'd go into one of these by choice? Then I'm gonna ask why the fuck they think whipping their dick out whilst in there is a good fucking idea? Like yeah I've wanked in some weird fucking places but I got standards! I do, I swear! Why you need to skip any and all ancestral tombs? Simple, try being sprung by this big fucking bastard.

You know, I was nursing a broken wrist and cracked ribs for weeks after facing one of these meat mangled monsters an I wasn't even doing anything particularly crass. Certainly wasn't jerking off or anything like that. Just had to pick up a skull...which is probably what summoned it. There is no scenario where it's safe to enter one of these places let alone whip your fucking cock out an rub one out on a whim. YOU ARE CRAZY! 5. Best Lake Amaya

I made it pretty clear that I like pretty things an fuck me is this lake pretty. If you go to the side with the wildflowers, you'll have one of the nicest places on Vvardenfell to let loose. I used to camp here a lot when I was travelling the Ascadian Isles an Erra's pretty partial to it too. Kinda honeymooned here. Anyway it's just a nice, normal place to blow off some steam. Something that can't be said for the rest of my pics so um...get used to it?

5. Worst Every Dunmeri Stronghold

I think you've probably figured out by now that no place on this Blighted fucking island is safe at this point an that goes for these ziggurats from my people's golden age.

You know these things date back to before we all turned into grey skinned nutjobs? The power trip I could get from jizzing off the side of one ordinarily would be palatable. Of course this is Morrowind an no ruin is left unoccupied. If you're not getting attacked by a stronghold full of fucking Orcs then its something much, much worse. What you ask? I'll get to it in some of the additions that are higher on the list. Just...I don't fucking know, wait until you've cleared the place before you whip your dick out, yeah?

4. Best Dwemer Ruins

Look these can go one of two ways but for me a Dwemer ruin is like my favourite thing so I'm just beside myself excited when I'm trudging through them. It can take a while to clear these places out an I'm camping out as a result. You bet I'm rubbing one out an fucking enjoying it when I'm on my downtime. Just make sure you've cleared the chamber you're in of constructs before you get started. Nothing worse than just reaching the edge only to be assaulted by a centurion spider before I can climax... Look this might just be a me thing...um...

4. Worst Ghostgate

Yes, there's a small Temple based settlement here where you can stay at an inn or whatever but like why would you want to? I'm gonna be blunt, I can't get within a hundred metres of the place without having a fucking fit an that's mortifying enough to deal with in the middle of the Ashlands. I'm not even gonna have the opportunity to jerk off here because I can't enter the fucking building. So I asked my husband his opinion an he just looked at me like I was a fucking idiot for even considering but he got to choose entry five so it's not like he's completely against this list. Anyway I don't think this is a great place to crank it. Nope, you got Temple stink for one and that's wrapped in a thick blanket of Blight an ghost wailing if Erra's description's correct. I'm guessing it is. Look if you want to jerk off near some Tribunal Temple complex then maybe look at my next entry. Oh, Erra has a few thoughts on special mentions. Do set up camp on the coast of the Grazelands and watch the - Erra that's not what the list is about! I suppose you could find a bit of solitude out there but then you're dealing with Telvanni an you don't wanna jerk of near any of their towers. Mushroom stink is not something that turns me on okay. Oh an avoid the Corpruserium if you know whats good for you. I spent a good month down there an I can assure you, there is no good nut in there. Right number three, number three... 3. Best Maar Gan Temple

Like I said, if you want to stick it to the Tribunal by jerking off in their holy places then you may as well do it at the tourist attraction of all time. See there's a rock you can sit on an a bound Daedra you can tease if you're feeling a bit ah... antagonistic. Something that always gets me hornier than a kagouti in late autumn. I broke into the temple one night after it closed an just went to town. The burn on my ass from that Daedra's retaliation was so worth it! Highly recomend if you're into that kinda thing, yeah? 3. Worst Any and all Sixth House Bases

Just...why? Like what would possess you to jerk off in any of these places? I mean I can't keep myself present when I'm here, like I'm gonna jerk off whilst I'm at it. To start you have Blight an that should be more than enough to make your dick retreat all the way back. You gotta deal with Corprus Monsters an the Ascended too. It smells of death and if you aren't consumed into the hive then you're most likely dead anyway. I don't think you're gonna have long enough to get into the mood let alone finish. I do wonder though...do the higher Ascended have working plumbing? I um... It took me a while to get back to normal an sometimes it still doesn't ah...Don't need to know about that ah... 2. Best The Ministry of Truth and the Temple Canton

Lord Nerevar's home Vehk an there's nothing you can do to stop me! Look I'm not actually Nerevar or nothing... we share a brain an stuff an he's not... Look I can feel Nerevar has a hate boner going on for all this an that kinda affects me too. So anyway I'm justifying it by the fact that I get off on defiling places of power an this place is top of my shit list. Yes, I have cum in that Library as a fuck you to all this shit an I'll fucking do it again!

Maybe all over the Patriarch's desk? I think the bastard deserves it. Fucking cunt! 2. Worst Kogoruhn

Yes. I already put strongholds on the list but this one takes every shitty thing about Sixth House bases an Strongholds an wraps it all into one fucking package of fucked! Not only is it fucking crawling with Blight creatures but the thing is a giant fucking hive of Voryn's most loyal bitches. Those fucks are motivated, let me tell you! You want to know how I got through the Ghostfence without seizing? Here it is. The place is the only other opening to Red Mountain that exists an it's deep under the earth. You are not going to have the time to jerk off here! You are getting in an getting out as quickly as your skinny legs can carry you! Jerk off all you want later you don't want to be here! No one should be here! 1. Best The Cavern of the Incarnate

This is more a fuck you to the Deadric Prince an the artifact that ruined my whole life! I employ all of you to descend on this place in one big group and crank one out for me! It's what would truely make me happy...that an having my husband not be a damn ancestral ghost trying to remove the stylus from my hand as I write this but I can't have everything I want apparently. Why this is a prime jerk off spot? Well aside from my hate boner over Azura an Nerevar fucking with me, its actually kinda pretty for a shrine to a Daedra. Just um... find a place that isn't lined with the mummified remains of my predecessors, yeah? 1. Worst Akulakhan's Chamber

An on the flip side, where the end beguins an everything ends. I'm sure I don't really need to clarify why you simply shouldn't be whipping your dick out here but incase any of you need a reminder.

Not only did I spend the whole fight down here in the rescesses of my mind but when I did finally regain control of my body from Nerevar I was definetly not feeling primed for a good wank. You shouldn't either. You are dealing with cunt number one in a long line of cunts that seek to turn you into one of them an I'm not really interested in completing the transformation, yeah? Besides, I wasn't really given a chance to savour the ah...ambience of the bowels of a fucking volcano! Have you been in a magma chamber? I've been in more than my fair share an I can assure you it is unpleasent. Like a part of me wonders if it would just evaporate as it was coming out but i'm also not interested in getting my cock within five hundred meters of a magma pit but if you want to push your luck an trial that age ol "Dunmer are heat resistant" thing then you go ahead an go for it. I'll be over there, above ground, not doing that.

Anyway I think that's it. I gotta go like purify my husband's ghost with a conduit flame. He's fucking mad at me now over my top best pick.

[iblameashley]

Shattered

Civilian | Male | Gay

2,847 words Content: Minor warning for mention of panic attack. Mention of PTSD, Anger, Angst.

Follow up to I'm punny and you know it.

Simon ’Ghost’ Riley | Male/GN Reader

!!!SFW!!!

You walk into a war zone of Simon's making. Well, you actually kicked in a door to do it, but that's not the point. The man is not OK, and while you may not be able to help him, you can clean up the mess.

(Thanks to @loneghostwolf for permission to use this image)

It hadn't taken you very long to figure out 'Si' was in the military. Truth be told, you suspected it from the first time you met at the coffee shop. It was during your last appointment with him that it was confirmed. He was wearing a very tight tee and you could make out the outline of dog-tags as the cotton shirt hugged their form. Being respectful of his privacy, however, you said nothing.

You had six appointments under your belt with him over the course of four months. It was during this appointment that he told you he had a 'trip' coming up, and wasn't sure how long it was going to take. You nodded and said you understood. Simon also took the time to explain that the location was 'remote' and he likely wouldn't have much cell reception. “Well...” You pondered, “When you do have service, and if you're free, let me know and I'll send you a joke or a meme.” You offered.

His eyes seemed to soften at the offer, and you could swear there was a smile under his mask. He nodded firmly in agreement, and with that, you had a new contract with him while he was away.

*** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + ***

The first two week were silent, and you went about both your day jobs and your side-gig as a friend-for-hire. You toiled away at paperwork and emails until your eyes burned red from dryness. Late nights turned into early mornings and you periodically checked your phone for a hint of life from Si.

It was nearly half way through week three when your phone dinged at an ungodly hour. You rolled over in bed and were blinded by the light from the screen. “Fuck.” You groan, shutting your eyes quickly. It was from Si.

SI: Have about three hours before I have to go back to work. I was promised jokes and memes.

“Fucking Christ, Si.” You huffed. “Gotta pull a joke out of my ass at..” You glanced at the clock in the upper corner of this cornea-destroying device. “four-forty-seven.”

You head flopped back on the pillow with a 'whump' and you clutched the phone at your chest. You had promised to do this for him, and he was on his 'trip'. It wasn't his fault you forgot time zones existed. So you pursed your lips and thought of a joke through the fogginess of your sleepy mind.

You: Why were the middle ages called the Dark Ages? You: Because there were too many Knights. SI: That's fucking terrible. You: You're welcome.

And that was the start of your on-again, off-again communication with Si as he was on his 'trip.'

*** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + **

Six weeks in, you got another message from him. This time is was at least at a reasonable hour. The sun had cast the sky bright reds and pinks as it set, and you had been sitting on the balcony of your flat enjoying the cool breeze and downtime. Your workload had shifted and you had more free time. On top of that, one of your Friental clients was on vacation, so you felt like you could really relax.

The dinging and buzzing from your phone caught your attention. It was Si, again.

Si: Hit me. You: Coffee has a really rough time in my house... You: It gets mugged every day. Si: Hah.

Then another message the day after.

Si: Gotta make it quick, you around?

You were. You always were.

You: What did the socks say to the pants? You: Sup, britches. Si: Where the fuck do you get these?

A part of you pictured him laughing boisterously at your bad jokes, but deep down you knew that wasn't the case. He might huff out a low 'hah,' but Si, as far as you knew, was not a loud laughter. It would betray his broody lone-wolf persona. Still, you had a fond memory of the first time you did get a response from him. The light shove of his boot against your back.

And now that you thought about it, he broke the rules. No touching. You wondered if he had realized as well. You shook your head. No matter, the rules were really there for you.

*** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + **

It was just over two months in when you got a notification from the app that 'Si' had requested another appointment. He had access to your calendar, so you opened it up and clicked accept. He had requested a visit from you in four days.

“Must be back home,” You said to yourself. There was a stupid smile plastered over your face. Si might be a big, quiet, moping tank of a man, but he was easy to handle. You knew what was expected with him, and he was fine with letting you babble at length about any and everything that crossed your mind. He never seemed annoyed or frustrated about your endless chatter. He would simply sit there and look at you with those unassuming brown eyes. He'd nod and grunt and give one word answers every once in a while, to remind you he really was listening. If anything, he took the pressure off you, allowing you to be yourself.

*** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + *** ++ *** + **

You were not prepared for what you would find when you arrived at his flat. You stood at the door and knocked. No answer. You looked around the dimly lit hallway of the building and hummed to yourself anxiously.

'Maybe he forgot?' You mused. You foot tapped impatiently on the floor, and you kept shifting your weight from hip to hip. 'No. He wouldn't forget.' You reminded yourself. He was too structured for that. So you knocked again, harder. Still no answer. You knocked so hard the third time you sent spikes of pain up your knuckles.

“Si!” you yelled. “Are you home?” Your voice was raspy and filled with concern.

There was no response, but you did hear movement. Now your heart jumped to your throat. Was he hurt? Could he not respond for some reason? You mind flooded with the worst-case scenarios and you began to panic. Who do you call? Police? Maybe a neighbour would have a number for maintenance or the landlord. Your head shot back and forth, up one end of the hallway and down the other. You stared at the door, and finally your body reacted.

You hand reached for the doorknob and gave it a twist. To your surprise, it wasn't locked, which was unusual in itself. You couldn't imagine Si as comfortable enough to leave the door unlatched. But as you pushed it open, it caught on the chain of the upper lock and the door can to an abrupt halt. “Si?” you called in.

There was a grumbling, but no real response. “Fuck it.” You blurted out. You took a step back, sucked in a deep breath and aimed at the door. In one sharp movement, your foot connected with the door and snapped the chain from the frame. The swung open and crashed into the wall with a loud thud. You entered the flat timidly, and closed the door behind you.

Sitting at the kitchen table was Si, head in his hands and starting at the table, hunched over in a heap. You forgot how big this man was, even in this state. He was mask-less. You walked in and averted your gaze, you searched the flat frantically for his mask. It was then that you took in the disastrous state of the flat. There was garbage lying all over the place, dirty and broken dishes and even some furniture overturned and stung along the floor. Si had been home for a bit longer than you had assume, and it was not a good homecoming.

You located his mask frantically flung over the couch and you snatched it up quickly. You walked over to Si and shoved the mask under his face. “Put it on.” You remarked. “Please?” Your eyes were locked on the ceiling. He even managed to stain that.

You felt him pull the mask from your hand by the strap and you waited a few seconds before you dared to peek. He was masked, now.

Simon's face – well, his brows and eyes – were red and puffy, but he hadn't appeared to have been crying. His hair was a complete mess and his bloodshot eyes glared at you with emptiness, like he hadn't actually accepted you were here. “Better?” He asked in the most deadpanned tone you'd had heard from him.

“You look like shit, Si.” You declared before rubbing at the bridge of your nose. “Are you OK?” you muttered, knowing you were about to get the most useless of responses.

“No. Clearly, not.” he commented.

You took another look around the flat and noted all the work that had to be done. You gave an apathetic shrug and tip-toed over to the hallway closet to retrieve cleaning supplies. Carefully manoeuvring around the broken glass and ceramic that littered the floor like a mine-field. Something had set him off, an anxiety or panic attack maybe? PTSD? Didn't really matter to you, he couldn't stay like this. And since he wasn't going to offer up his feeling – his heart – for you one a plate, not that he had any left, you figured you could at least clean his home.

You started with the floors; sweeping up the fragments and remains of glassware and plates . You swept around his feet and took a bit of comfort that he was still wearing his boots. Under the table, around the fridge, and you double checked the base boards around the counter until you had a pile of his shattered property in a mound in his kitchen. Carefully you swept it into the dust-pan and placed it in a refuse bag before tossing it in one of his bins.

“What are you doing?” Simon finally remarked.

“Seems like you had a rough trip.” You declared. “I'm guessing you don't want to talk about, and that's fine. Its in our rules, after all.” You turned and beamed him a warm smile.

“You really care about my stupid rules at a time like this?” His voice was low and laced with annoyance and confusion.

“Its... kind of the foundation of our relationship, no?” You laughed. You balanced your chin on your hands, which were tenderly placed on the tip of the broom, and you wobbled it back and forth. “Something happened, and I'm not going to ask. But!” You explained. “I am going to get this place back in order because you don't live like this, and I'm not going to let you start. Isn't that what friends are for?” You shot him a wink.

“I pay you to be my friend.” The words carried an air of embarrassment and shame. Your heart ached at the sound.

You let out a frustrated breath and put the broom to the side. You turned your attention to the remaining dishes in the sink. The water rushed into the basin, splashing and bubbling as it embraced the dirty plated and utensils.

You reached into the got water and began scrubbing. The water sloshing and burbling under the movement of your hands. “I'd do it for free.” You finally admitted. You couldn't turn to look at him at first. The stack of wet, but clean dishes began to pile up in the other basin, and you could hear your heart in your ears. Feel your pulse beating, drumming, in every vein and artery.

“What?” He finally asked.

“I'd be your friend for free.” You nodded sharply at the wall in front of you. You bit at your lower lip, afraid you were breaking the rules of your contract. 'Was this too much? Too far?' you asked yourself as the silent moment moved forward.

“...why?” Simon finally choked out.

Your hands fell back into the sink, and your grip on the cutlery loosened. Your head dropped as you thought about your answer, knowing you were treading on thin ice. At least, you thought you were.

You cocked your head to the side to look at him. He was sitting at the table still, staring into the empty space between you two. His jaw worked tightly under his jaw as he ground at his teeth. You wondered if you had pissed him off, truly pissed him off.

“I... like you?” You whispered.

He snorted and shook his head. “That's the best fuckin' joke you've told yet, mate.”

You didn't really know how to respond to him. He was finally painting a picture of his self worth for you to view, and did it in so few words. Your heart sank deep into your belly as it dawn on you just how isolated his really must have been. Must be. “I mean it, Si. I'd be happy to just be your friend.”

His head dropped back down to the table. You finished the last of the forks and plopped them into the clean basin, dried your hands and pulled out your phone.

You opened up your messages and began typing.

You: What kind of music do windmills like? You: They're Metal fans.

His phone buzzed across the table and a moment later there was a gruff, hoarse chuckle. “Go fuck yourself.” He mumbled.

You: Why do Ghosts love elevators? You: Because they lift their spirits.

“Fuckin' hell.” He shook his head back and forth on the table. “I'm trying to be miserable here, can you fuck off?” You smiled at the disingenuous tone of his remark.

“Can't do it.” You shook your head and took a seat at the table.

“I won't push you to tell me whats going on, but...” You looked around at all the work still left to be done. “Can you give me something? Something to explain this?” You said waving your hands around the flat.

Simon just stared at you blankly.

“Mission go wrong?” You asked. Your words pushing at a boundary you weren't sure you had the right to touch.

His eyes widened as he took in the words that wormed their way to his brain.

“Mission? I was on a-”

You held up a hand and cut him off. Your heart was hurting at seeing this man in such a state. You didn't pity him by any means, but you wanted to reach out and let him know he could unload his burdens on you, even just a little.

“Dont.” You said curtly. “I've seen your tags.” Your fingers tapped at the table.

Simon rubbed at his eyes and let out a growl. He was most definitely annoyed with your line of questioning, but he also lacked the energy to put up a fight. He had spent the last several days having a tantrum, raging and destroying the remnants of his non-military life and wishing to sink the last of his soul into his persona. A persona he hadn't told you about.

But here you sat, staring at him with caring, concerned eyes and he couldn't understand why. He had never given you anything from this arrangement, it was entirely selfish on his part. But here you sat, your lips pursed and your fingers anxiously tapping the table.

“I failed.” He choked out. The words biting at his throat as his admission jumped from his lips. “I failed, and I got reprimanded.”

You nodded your head delicately. “Did you lose someone?” You asked.

Simon shook his head, but said nothing.

“Then it wasn't a complete failure, was it?” A smiled pulled at the corner of your lips.

Simon' hands fell to the table and he looked at you with shock. His masked puffed in and out as he breathed heavily into it.

“That's not the point.” He grunted.

You shrugged hard and stared at him. “Well... it is to me.” You fired back, a little more confrontational than you had intended. “You didn't lose anyone, and you came back home. Maybe its not a mission success, but its not a failure.”

Simon felt a crack in his armour at your comment. Like you had aimed perfectly at his heart and fired. It didn't shatter, he was too strong for that, but the impact of your words did damage. Damage he couldn't have prepared himself for. Someone cared that he came back. No one cared if he came back. He furrowed his brow, angry that your shot at him landed, but he couldn't bring himself to be truly mad at you. A piece of him lit up inside.

“Will you stay for dinner?” He finally asked.

You looked around at the kitchen and the few remaining dishes.

“We can order take away,” you chuckled. “My treat.”

Simon looked at you.

“My treat.” You reaffirmed.

Simon just nodded.

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

I would love to see a college!Matt Murdock where he works out at the campus gym. The f!reader has English class with him, they talk in passing about notes. Reader works part time at the gym. While putting towels away, reader accidentally walks in on Matt showering, but decides to watch him a bit, staying quiet. Ashamed, reader avoids him. The next night at the gym, reader watches him but he catches her and scolds her for spying, but teases for enjoying the view. They end up having sex in the shower.

hii!, okay joe goldberg I see you, JUST KIDDING😭 I love this. thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌

i spy

college!Matt Murdock x fem!Reader

wc || 1.4k

warnings || 18+ only. explicit sexual content. minors dni

masterlist + rules

taglist

You worked part-time at the campus gym as a cleaner; primarily in charge of cleaning the bathrooms and restocking towels. It was pretty boring work, but it paid considerably well.

More often than not, you’d see your classmate, Matt from your English class. Exchanging in friendly conversation before you both resume your own things.

Coming up to the end of your shift, finishing up by the lockers, you make your way over to the showers to restock the cabinets with clean towels. Turning up the music in your earphones, blissfully unaware of the occupied space. Noticing the steam from the other end of the shower room, you rip the earphones from your ears to check for running water.

Eyes darting around anxiously, you zone in on Matt’s familiar running shoes that were resting on the nearby bench. Hiding behind the lockers, peeking your head around to look at him from afar. Watching the way the water ran down his firm torso, trickling off him with every movement.

You knew what you were doing was wrong, but you just couldn’t seem to pull your eyes away. If truth be told, you’ve always had a thing for Matt, whenever you’d interact, it just made you swoon more and this didn’t help with your crush.

Watching the way chest and arms would flex as he washed, trailing your eyes down before immediately snapping away. You felt awful enough for spying on him in the showers, let alone looking at his privates too.

Throwing the towels in their spaces, you run out, darting in between people to make your way to the staff room. Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you clock out.

-

Luckily for you, you didn’t have English class today, you already felt guilty enough for watching him last night and the last thing you wanted was to come face to face with him.

Clocking in for your shift, doing your usual rounds of cleaning and organising, until you spot Matt on the treadmill in the far corner. Discreetly turning away to avoid being noticed. Continuing the majority of your shift in the laundry room, preparing for your restocking rounds.

This time you walked into the shower rooms without your music, wanting to be fully aware, not prepared to repeat the events of last night. Neatly placing the towels in their spaces, you turn around and see Matt in the back corner, sitting on a bench with a towel around his bottom half.

“I’m so sorry.” You gush, slapping your hands over your eyes. “I thought it was empty, I’m really sorry.” Backing out, stumbling into a locker on the way out.

“That didn’t stop you last night.” He says with a wry grin.

“Uh- I, what? No.” You stammer, mentally incapable of thinking of actual words.

“I’m just teasing.” He lightly chuckles, standing up from the bench.

You turn your face away, showing him the respect of privacy, much unlike last night.

“I’m about to shower, you gonna watch again or?” He smirks. “If you’re gonna spy, don’t make it so obvious this time, yeah?” He jokes, stepping into the shower.

“I wasn’t-“ you lie. “I was just in here to put the towels away.”

“Oh, yeah?” He laughs, flicking the water on. “Yet… you’re still here.”

“Right, yes, I’m sorry. One minute, I just need to put these away.” Rushing over to the other cabinet to stock with towels.

“Im gonna need a towel.” He says, shaking his head under the flowing water.

“It’s here on the hook.” Closing your eyes.

“Pass it here? I got something in my eye.” Reaching his hand out the shower door.

Placing it in his hand, he grins at you. ‘Accidentally’ brushing his wet hands over your arm. “I don’t actually need it.” He softly laughs.

“Now your arm is wet… you might as well come in.” Sliding the door to offer.

“I’m working.” Turning around with flush cheeks.

“I didn’t ask if you were busy… I was offering if you wanted to join.”

Stuttering for words.

“I won’t tell your boss… you know you want to.” He teases, grinning wider as he taps on the glass.

Everything was telling you yes. Giving in to your thoughts, you walk over to the main door, locking it before returning to the showers. Stripping from your clothes, dropping them on the bench before you step in. Closing the door behind you, standing mere centimetres away from him.

He teasingly strokes his fingers down your arm, leaving behind a trail of prickly goosebumps. His other hand cups your jaw, gently holding it and slowly bringing your face towards his.

Whispering against your lips. “No need to be nervous.” Lingering a kiss to your lips. Trailing your hands up to his face, holding either side, as he holds yours. Lips meshing and working together.

His hands roam your body, gripping and sliding along your dampened skin, pushing you against the wall as the make-out grows heavy. Panting against your parted lips as he kneads into your breasts, working his fingers into the doughy tissue.

He begins trailing kisses along your jaw, tilting your head to gain him better access. Nibbling and sucking along the delicate flesh.

“Is this okay?” He respectfully asks, his fingers roaming over your pubic bone.

Nodding your head eagerly, you reply in an accidental whine. He grins against your neck, grazing his fingertip through your folds, slowly curling over your clit.

“Can I fuck you?” He asks pleadingly, littering your jaw with sloppy kisses.

“Yes.” You instantly blurt, wrapping your arms around his neck. His hands slide to your waist, gently gripping it as you do a little jump to help him lift you up.

Tucking your legs just over his hips, pulling him in closer. He rests your back against the tile, adjusting you in his arms so he could give himself a few strokes. “You sure this is okay?” He confirms, sweetly kissing along your collarbone.

“I’m sure.” You desperately reply, brushing back the wet strands of hair coating his forehead.

Shuffling you up against the slick surface, aligning his tip to you. Sliding through your lips to then gently push in. Sinking up into you and lowering you down, moulding around him perfectly as he filled you.

His head falls into the nape of your neck, softly panting against your skin as he slowly moves your hips over him. Sucking him back in with every half re-entry, completely engulfing him.

Trailing your fingers along the back of his neck, grazing them over his shoulders and digging your fingertips in. Gripping him for support as he slides you up the tiles, sloppily poking into you. He tilts your chin up to litter your damp neck in open-mouth kisses, his teeth grazing against your skin with every gentle bounce.

Slowly fucking up into you and hitting all the spots you need, the upper side of his cock perfectly massaging inside of you.

“Shush shush, you’re gonna get us caught.” He whispers, lingering a kiss against your lips.

If truth be told, you completely forgot about the possibility of being caught, everything he was doing to you made it so difficult to be quiet. As if he was so in tune with what you needed or wanted like he was so attentive to everything that could get you off.

Both desperately panting in the steamy confined space as he picks up pace, jutting up into you at just the speed you needed to send you over.

Tightening around him as your climax builds, growing impossibly higher until you finally let go. Shuddering and fluttering around him as he draws out your release, slowly working you through it.

He places a quick couple kisses under your ear before he eases himself from you, lowering you to the floor and supporting you upright as he firmly tugs himself. Rapidly stroking over his head as ropes of cum spill onto your lower stomach, softly whimpering as he does so.

“Sorry.” He panted, cupping his hands under the water. “Got carried away.” He jokes, washing your stomach.

“It’s okay.” You blissfully chuckle, reaching up to kiss him sweetly.

“You should’ve spied on me ages ago.” He grins, tilting his head back to catch the running water.

“Mhm.” Playfully smacking his arm. “For that, I’m gonna go.” You smirk.

“For that I’m gonna change gyms.” He retaliates, grinning wide.

“Shut up.” You laugh, straining your hair. “I do actually need to clock out.” You announce, pushing his hair out of the way.

“What time do you get off tomorrow?” He asks.

“Eleven.”

“I’ll need another towel tomorrow at that time.” Grinning as he slides the door open for you. “Maybe bring an extra one.”

[francesminos-tt]

Jace is an alpha who loves getting his hole knotted by other alphas. Cregan is happy to serve.

“How do you find Winterfell, my prince?” Lord Cregan Stark asked the young alpha in front of him, his booming voice almost drowned out by the howling wind.

“Unique.” Jacaerys replied, his soft brown eyes sparkling with appreciation, “I have never seen snow in my life. Everything is so different here in the North.”

He could be smiling, Cregan thought, but the lower half of Jacaerys’s face was buried in a high collar, hiding the prince’s handsome face in the soft fur. There was no way of telling if the prince was smiling or not.

“Not many royalties visited my humble castle,” Cregan said, “as far as I know, you are the first Targaryen since Queen Alyssanne who sets his foot on Northern soil.”

“I will take that as a compliment then, Lord Stark.” Jacaerys turned his eyes away from the breathtaking view of snow-covered mountains and dense forest to look at the young lord.

Now Cregan was almost sure the prince was smiling, because of the small wrinkles on the corner of his eyes. There was frost on Jacaerys’s lashes, pure white flakes a sharp contrast to the prince’s dark lashes, like delicate crystals embroidered on fine silk.

“Please, just Cregan.” Cregan said, trying his best not to reach out and wipe the snowflakes off Jacaerys’s lashes, “There are enough people calling me lord. I would like us to be friends more than allies. If that pleases my prince, of course.”

“Only if you call me by my name too, Cregan.” Jacaerys replied goodheartedly, “Jacaerys, or Jace, as how my brothers call me.”

“Well, Jace,” Cregan decided to test his luck, “How about a hunting trip in the snow? Our lands may be barren, but the dense woods are full of wild games to hunt. It is a Northern custom to treat its guests to a hunting trip and share the catch.”

“I would like that very much,” Jacaerys said, this time truly smiling as he lowered the collar to expose his entire face, “Cregan.”

Cregan felt his skin tingle at the prince’s voice. Jacaerys was not like any alpha he had met before. The dragon prince was regal, handsome, polite, sophisticated, respectful and very, very charming. He was not like a typical snobbish royal prince, or an ignorant Southern lord. He might not be as wild and physically big like an alpha from the North, but Cregan had no doubt that he was just as brave and fearless as any of the Northern heroes. In fact, Cregan had never been so intrigued by anyone, let alone a fellow alpha, but Jacaerys was just different. Legend had it that Targaryens were closer to god than men. Cregan never believed the saying until now.

Perhaps Jacaerys was indeed sent by a divinity to brighten up the gloomy days of the North by his dragon fire. There was no other explanation why Cregan was so intrigued by a fellow alpha that his gums would tingle whenever he laid eyes on Jacaerys. Was it normal to want to mark a fellow alpha? Did Jacaerys notice Cregan’s wild pheromones? If the prince did, he never showed, leaving Cregan even more anxious and unsettled.

How was he supposed to remain calm in front of such an intriguing creature?

The trip to the woods was a short one, but the biting cold and bone-chilling wind making it feel like a lifetime, especially for Jacaerys.

“I hope when you said there were many wild games in the woods, you meant real animals, not this beastlike weather.” Jacaerys half joked as they rode into the woods, his breath forming a white fog around his mouth.

“You will get used to it soon enough.” Cregan chuckled, looking way more composed than the prince. There was supposed to be an entire entourage accompanying them, but they rode too fast, leaving other knights and squires far behind. Neither of them seemed to mind, appreciating the rare privacy instead.

“What are we hunting, Cregan? Rabbits?” Jacaerys jumped off his steed and looked around at the snow covered land. He had a bow in his gloved hand, a set of arrows on his back, and a long sword dangling from his belt. He was wrapped in the warmest fur cloak Winterfell had to offer, soft brown curls kissed his pink cheek and lips, and his eyes were full of life and curiosity.

“Oh, no, my prince.” Cregan caught a glimpse of something moving in his peripheral vision, “We prefer something bigger.”

Cregan urged his horse to go in the direction of the target, while drawing his bow and released a decisive arrow. He released three more arrows before the moving target fell to the ground, twitching in pain. It was a stag, young and inexperienced, having no idea what fate awaited it by getting too close to humans. By the time Jacaerys arrived on his own horse, Cregan had already slit the stag’s throat to end its misery. Warm blood stained the snow crimson, so fresh out of the animal body that a thin layer of steam rose from the pool of blood. Jacaerys could smell the unique stink of animal blood, mixed with another wild scent, metallic, scorching, bitter, like standing next to an iron forge. Jacaerys inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of blood and Cregan’s alpha pheromones. He always liked alpha pheromones more than those of omegas. The harshness, possessiveness, and competitiveness always made his entire body sing with excitement, and the Lord of Wintetfell was certainly among the top alpha pheromones Jacaerys had ever sensed.

“It’s a big stag.” Jacaerys commented, crouching down to observe the carcass.

“I told you, we prefer bigger games in the North.” Cregan said proudly, wiping off the blood from his face.

“Everything is bigger in the North, I am sure.” Jacaerys joked, “I’ve never seen such a large stag.”

For some reason, Cregan thought the prince was not talking about the dead animal. Cregan showed Jacaerys how to skin an animal before moving on to their next target. Jacaerys was a quicker learner. What he lacked in strength and build, he made up with agility and amazing reflexes. He was also very good at following targets that moved very fast, an ability Cregan himself lacked. By nightfall, they had scored half a dozen games, stags, snow rabbits, foxes, even a direwolf, but they failed to catch the magical creature.

“Shall we head back?” Jacaerys asked as their surroundings had turned too dark to continue hunting.

“There is a place I want to show you.” Cregan said, his dark eyes shining with anticipation.

“Okay.” Jacaerys nodded, “Lead the way then, my lord.”

“You are not worried that it might be a trap? I could tear your throat and blame it on a direwolf.”

“No.” Jacaerys’s answer came quicker than Cregan expected, without a second of hesitation, “In fact, I am not worried at all.”

“May I ask why?”

“I believe in you and your house’s honor, Cregan Stark.” Jacaerys replied, his lips curling up into a confident smile, “Am I wrong?”

“You are wiser than your age, Prince Jacaerys.” Cregan laughed, urging his horse to go further into the woods, “Follow me, please. I promise you won't be disappointed.”

Cregan certainly held true to his words. A short ride into the woods and they arrived at a natural hot spring, tucked snuggly behind a tall tree. The canopy was so thick that it was impossible to notice the hot spring, even with all the steam. Jacaerys’s eyes widened in surprise, as he took in the beautiful view, white snow, starry sky, a handful of pebbles scattered around the hot spring, and the steamy hot spring itself.

“A hot spring! Who could have guessed!” Jacaerys exclaimed, jumping off his horse and making a dash to the pond.

“I hope you like it. A nice soak will relax the sore muscles after a hunt.” Cregan suggested. It was the first time that Jacaerys lost composure before him, acting more like the prince’s age, and Cregan liked it very much.

“Are you kidding? I love hot springs.” Jacaerys had already taken off his cloak and jacket, now only in a simple shirt, “I’ve never soaked in a hot spring surrounded by nature before. It’s just brilliant!”

“And I was worried that a humble hot spring might not be enough to impress you.” Cregan walked to the prince as he began to take off his own clothes, “I am sure you have seen it all. I’ve heard that the pleasure gardens in Lys offer the most extravagant bathing experiences.”

“Nothing compares to this view.” Jacaerys insisted, soaking his cold toe into the spring tentatively, “Besides, hot springs are boring without good company.”

“You should probably go inside before you catch a cold, Jace.” Cregan suggested as he jumped into the spring completely naked, “Come, join me.”

Jacaerys swallowed. He was so mesmerized by the view; Cregan’s muscles moved in the steam, contracting and relaxing, showing off its sculptured shape. Cregan had the typical coloring of a Northern man, dark hair, dark eyes, and even the soft bushes on his chest and lower abdomen were dark as night. He was handsome, with nicely trimmed beard framing his jawline, thick brows, straight nose and kind eyes, an alpha at his prime. Just how Jacaerys liked it.

Jacaerys took off his shirt and pants before joining the Northern lord in the water. Just like Cregan said, the hot spring felt warm on Jace’s cold skin, not overly hot, but warm enough to relax his stiff joints and tight muscles. They settled down near the rocky edge, side by side, their naked shoulders brushing against each other, but neither of them complained.

“Can I ask you something, Cregan?” Jacaerys spoke after a while, resting his head on the cool rock.

“Of course.”

“Why haven’t you taken another omega to wife? You are still young. Any omega will fall for an alpha like you.” Jacaerys said, letting his eyes wander down Cregan’s strong torso, from the defined chest to the lord’s groin, and the amazing knot between his strong thighs.

“I am in no hurry to enter another marriage.” Cregan admitted honestly, “I have my heir. Marriage is just not a priority. And you flatter me, Prince Jacaerys. I am actually not good with delicate creatures like omegas. I am too rough to most of them.”

“What about alphas?” Jacaerys asked, getting an inch closer to the naked lord.

“What about them?” Cregan raised a confusing eyebrow, having no idea what Jacaerys had in mind.

“Are you good with alphas?” Jacaerys asked softly, reaching a hand out to trace Cregan’s collarbone, his finger sliding down the lord’s wet skin, “For example, an alpha like me?”

“Jace?” Cregan blushed, “Prince Jacaerys?”

“Stay still, Lord Stark.” Jacaerys said in his most regal tone as he moved to straddle the young lord, “It’s an order.”

Cregan dared not to move. He was not a green boy, so he knew very well what Jacaerys’s seductive smile meant. An invitation. A permission to start something intimate. But why? Was Jacaerys thinking about this when Cregan invited him to a hunt? Or was this just a prince’s impulse after seeing the hot spring? Either way, it seemed that Prince Jacaerys preferred the company with a fellow alpha rather than an omega. Cregan had heard of such queer preferences before, but he had never expected the heir to the throne to be one of them.

Jacaerys’s finger slid down to Cregan’s navel, playing with the hair on the lord’s lower abdomen teasingly, a satisfied smile on his face.

“Answer me, Lord Stark.” Jacaerys demanded, “Have you laid with an alpha before?”

“No.” Cregan answered with all honesty, “I have not.”

“Well, I suppose you will have a taste of it tonight.” Jacaerys flashed a toothy smile before bending down to kiss Cregan’s lips, “I promise it will be a pleasant experience.”

Before Cregan could reply, Jacaerys had already sealed their lips into a heated kiss. Jacaerys was swift and decisive, just like how he hunted. He ran his tongue over the roof of Cregan’s mouth before intertwining their tongues together, sucking hard until his cheeks were sunken. For the first time in his life, Cregan felt like a prey instead of a hunter. A northern wolf was about to devoured by dragon fire.

No. Cregan was the Lord of Wintetfell. He would never allow himself to be the prey.

Cregan put a large hand on the back of Jacaerys’s head, pressing the prince closer to himself, the other hand grabbed the prince’s tiny waist. Jacaerys let out a surprised moan, which Cregan drank up eagerly. Cregan thrust his hips up, letting their alpha knots bumping against each other.

“I suppose you have laid with alphas before?” Cregan said, groping the prince’s butt.

“Will you be jealous if I say yes?” Jacaerys panted, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Maybe.” Cregan had no idea how to proceed, so he acted out of instinct, sliding one finger into the warmth between the prince’s butt cheeks.

“Don’t worry. You might be the best of them,” Jacaerys hissed as Cregan’s finger touched his hole, “depending how well you serve your prince.”

“I am ready to serve, my prince.” Cregan said, his cock already hard from the softness of Jacaerys’s skin, “Always.”

“Knot me.” Jacaerys commanded, licking his lips in anticipation, “Let me have a taste of your alpha knot.”

“As you wish, my prince.”

It was then that Cregan realized he had fallen for Jacaerys the moment he laid eyes on the prince. House Stark would pledge loyalty to Prince Jacaerys, not the queen, but the future king.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Bloodlust 🔞 2

In which Jungkook really doesn't know what to do with you yet.

Tags/Warnings: Vampire!Jungkook, human!Reader, strangers/Enemies to lovers, jk kind of a dick at first sorry, sexual tension, corruption kink, size & strength kink, blood drinking, biting, more TBA in future chapters

Additional Chapter Warnings: JK is still an ass, sexual thoughts?, I don't know either

Chapter length: mid

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"Remind me again why the fuck you're here?" Jungkook asks, as he sits up in the hospital bed, while you carefully put some clothes of his from his overnight bag onto the bed next to you.

"Because Taehyung had asked me to bring you clothes!" You chirp, putting the bag close to him. "I didn't pack it though, Tae did- so if anything is wrong, it's his fault." You smile, making him roll his eyes before reaching for his clothes.

"Why didn't he do it himself?" He mumbles to himself more or less, getting up to pull up some underwear, before he rids himself of the hospital gown, your reaction to this one of shock, as you instantly turn around. "What? Never seen a guy naked?" He raises a brow, actually a little amused.

"No- I mean yes! Of course I have, huh, Just-" You stammer, still turned around. "-I'm respecting your privacy!" You argue, a slight half-lie. Mostly, you've been sporting a slight crush on your neighbor for a while now- and the prospect of seeing him naked definitely wasn't on your agenda yet.

"Huh." He just huffs out, pulling the shirt over his head before he puts his pants on. "Still think you're a virgin." He shrugs, maybe jokes? You're not sure, and you can't think about it for long when a nurse comes in to give him two packages- the red 'Approved for consumption' stamp telling you what you need to know about what's inside. "Anyways, is he at least picking me up?" He asks you, and you nod, before swaying a bit back and forth on your heels.

"But.." You start, unsure how to phrase it. "..he said you might have to wait a little?" You say, and his eyes narrow at you.

"Wait for how long?" He darkly questions, walking closer to you.

"A little bit?" You shrink in on yourself. You technically aren't scared, at all- you're in a hospital after all, he can't hurt you here. It's something else you're not sure of- something you've not really felt before, with anybody.

"Spit it out princess." He threatens, no humor nor affection in the petname spoken.

"Until the end of his shift.?" You squeak out quietly, and his eyes widen.

"Is he fucking serious?!" He barks, making you flinch. "That's in what-" He looks around for a clock. "-Four fucking hours!?" He scoffs, angrily stuffing the packages blood bags in his backpack you brought, before walking right out the hospital room.

You don't really know what else to do, so you run after him like a lost dog, having been given the task to 'keep an eye on him' by Taehyung when he'd asked you to bring the Vampire his clothing. Taehyung and you have a deep friendship together- after almost being killed, he'd helped you in your recovery, and during that time, you've both become close friends. While Taehyung, as a fellow vampire, did sometimes avoid you, especially during his feeding-frenzies that every Vampire goes through every few months, he otherwise had no issue ever with the scent of your human blood running through your veins. He's a surprisingly well-mannered young man for having been infected with vampirism only six years ago, his self-control something admirable even for old and experienced members of the community.

It's an odd friendship, but then again, nothing about your life has ever been 'normal'.

"Have you fucking imprinted on me, or what do you want?" He groans as he leaves the hospital, having noticed you right behind him the entire time. It's hard not to- your scent and the sound of your beating hard is really annoying the living shit out of him, considering the fact that he's hungry and can't feed for another four hours until he's inside his own apartment.

"Tae has told me to keep an eye on you." You say, keeping a bit of distance to him.

"Well I 'm not a fucking newborn like he is, so he can fuck off." He scoffs, searching in his bag for his wallet- just to find nothing. He sighs, loudly so, especially when you walk closer.

"So I guess.. you don't wanna at least get something to eat while you wait?" You tease a bit, and he pushes his tongue against his cheek in irritation, before turning around to look at you.

There's a moment of silence between you both before he moves again, throwing his backpack onto his back. You're really way too innocent to be around him or any vampire for that matter, and in a way, he wants to just try and keep you as far away from him as possible- but he also kind of wants to fuck you stupid until you drool with no thoughts left in your head but him. He doesn't really know which scenario he prefers yet.

Maybe he will aim for both- fuck you first and make you hate him later, for your own good.

"Lead the way then, princess." He says with a faked sweet-tone to his voice, making you blush involuntarily even though you know he doesn't mean it- and he can't help but be amused. The positions have switched, now he's following you- but he doesn't mind at all. The view is great, after all- especially when a gust of wind blows up your skirt and gives him some insights he wasn't really prepared to see yet. "Babypink and lace-rimmed, hm?" He teases from behind, making you turn with a red face before you walk a bit faster, hands holding the hem down now. All while he laughs a bit to himself, genuinely charmed by your attitude.

Maybe he'll keep you around for a bit. His mom always taught him to never play with his food-

But you seem really fun to play with.

[dearest-dirt]

Moments Between Lovers  (Kyle Rayner x Reader)

Warning: Very Fluffy 

Gender Neutral Reader

Word Count: 507

Masterlist

Author’s Note: Hi! I want DC to know that if they ever hurt my little baby boy, I will gnaw off their heads. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it! Bestie, please reblog!

Summary: Kyle is very much in love and he has the drawings to prove it.

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You studied Kyle’s face, wondering what he was drawing. You didn’t want to disturb him; he looked too cute with his tongue slightly sticking out and his eyebrows knitted together. You just went back to laying on the couch, mindlessly watching some movie on tv.

Kyle would occasionally look up from his sketchbook. His eyes gazing intently at your body, at your face, the way you were laying on the couch. He would then go back to drawing you half from sight, half from memory. His mind occasionally lingering in memories of the feel of your skin against his, your lips against his, your hands in his.

You were starting to fill all the pages of his sketchbooks. A study of your hands, eyes, nose, smile, hair, etc. A study of you. Various mundane activities you did, were translated into art every chance he got. From cooking dinner, to folding laundry, to brushing your teeth, it was all there. He was trying to capture all the moments he wasn’t there for, all that he missed from being away so much. And he missed the mundane moments just as much as everything else.

When you looked back at him again, he looked up from his drawing to meet your loving gazing. You sat up and motioned for him to come to you. He smiled and shook his head, rejecting your offer. You thought for a moment before getting up and walking across the floor to him. He closed his sketchbook and set it aside, just as you sat down next to him.

“Whatcha drawing? Can I see?” You ask.

“It’s not done yet,” he shrugged, playfully nudging you with his shoulder. You smiled.

“Just once I wish you would draw me,” you joked. You had sat for a few sketches before but you hadn’t seen the fact that you had taken up almost every inch of the sketchbook. You didn’t pry into his sketchbooks out of respect for his privacy; plus, if he wanted you to see something, he would just show you. “I wouldn’t mind sitting for you. I could be your muse.” You striked a pose as you conclude your sentence. Kyle laughed and tackled you to the ground with affection.

He caught your lips onto a passionate kiss. His fingers interlaced with yours as you kissed him back with equal passion. Pulling away he rested his forehead against your, eyes looking deeply into yours.

“Have I told you that I love you today?”

“Yes, about every 10 minutes.” You nodded, slightly laughing.

“Hum, not enough,” he pretended to contemplate. “I’m gonna tell you every 5 minutes now. I love you,” he said, wearing a big goofy smile.

You laughed in response, “That was twice in like 30 seconds.” You lifted your head up to kiss him again. Pulling away you whispered, “I love you too.”

Your eyes gazing into his with so much love, affection, and admiration, that his breath hitches. He makes a mental note to draw the way you were looking at him.

[edwinspaynes]

give us those Thomas hcs please! he is high school era me fr

YEAHHHH OKAY Alexa cue Hey Stephen

Some of these are just Funny and Cute things that I want to have happened while others have canon basis

Thomas followed Alastair all over the school. A LOT. To the point that Matthew was calling him a little marble that rolls wherever Alastair is. He's standing in the corner of the room talking at Alastair after Clive dies, and they're the only two people there. It seems to me that Alastair did notice Thomas, and per Cassie, Thomas was one of the four people Alastair liked pre-ChoG (along with Cordelia, Sona, and the redhead). But "I didn't see you" and "you were just some boy" make me think that Alastair was like "okay this runt is following me around again but he's kinda sweet and a little earnest and is nice to me so. I like him" and just rolled with that. But Thomas was gone. Totally smitten with Cupid's arrow. And cue all sorts of opportunities for funny interactions.

Thomas keeping his journal about his daily activities and referring to Alastair only as "A". You know, to protect his privacy in case the metaphorical pink glittery lock is broken.

The journal also includes some bad early childhood poems about Alastair.

Thomas's internal monologue was basically the same now and then, though back then it was more innocent and just lacked the horniness. It was just the wholesome bits (that are still copious).

Thomas constantly tries to converse with Alastair and sometimes succeeds. When they talk, it's the highlight of both of their day even if they're not friends.

Thomas has dreams about kissing Alastair regularly. If you want more of this you can check out @vwritesaus fic what's in a kiss. Literally my comfort fic i read it like every week.

Thomas doodles "Mr. Thomas Lightwood" in his journal while thinking about Alastair. Alastair finds it and is largely confused why he's doodling his own name, but hey, alright.

He's also definitely doodled their wedding invitation.

Thomas does things like trip over his own feet and fall up the stairs when Alastair appears. Alastair doesn't get why but finds it endearing.

Not really a headcanon, but Thomas liked Alastair's teasing because he thought it was bold and daring. Matthew notes this in CLS, but I think it's why Thomas loves him so much. He respects it.

After a while, Alastair picking on Thomas becomes something of a joke between them. "Pipsqueak" is a good natured nickname.

Thomas and Alastair get paired up for a project once. They divide the questions in half and copy each other's answers because Alastair "isnt going to talk to the likes of him." But they sit together in a companionable silence the entire time and it's very comfortable, 0% awkward, and neither of them understand why they're so at peace. (I might write this fic sooner rather than later.)

Alastair primarily targets Thomas because he's friends with James, but he also does so to protect him from worse bullying/abuse at the hands of his vile friends of yesteryear. This may or may not be subconscious.

[saltygilmores]

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: SEASON 3, EPISODE 2: HAUNTED LEG (PART 2)

Both Emily and Lorelai are planning to attend Rory's "Swearing In" for her Vice Presidency at Chilton So, this is a very similar scenario to the one that happened 4 episodes back in "Lorelai's Graduation Day". Yes ma'am, it's another "Lorelai is unhappy about having to be at a place where her mother will also be but Rory wants them both there" situation. Yeehaw.

Shhh. Nobody tell her.

This is such a great line, and I don't fancy myself much of a Quote Lover, but I love this one so much I want to make it a magnet and stick it on my fridge next to my "Why did you drop out of Yale" magnet.

Nothing of great consequence or interest happens at the ceremony. Rory and Paris give mediocre speeches. Things between Lor and Emily are still chilly. Emily wants to meet Lorelai for lunch at Luke’s the next day. I see Francie up on stage and remember, tis the season for an incredibly boring storyline involving mean-girl nonsense and school politics 🥱 Francie is the Jason of S3.

I plan to forward past a lot of that sillyness and save myself some time.

Rory tells Paris after the first student body meeting that she wasted everyone’s time and nothing was accomplished and nobody ate the doughnuts that were provided. Paris is incredibly turned on and asks Rory if she wants to get married.

Just more Jess erasure... Alright, alright! This was Sookie's directive (supposedly) and it was said in jest. And here I was about to cancel Lorelai again for banning Jess from her stupid inn filled with mice. I've canceled her more times than an unwanted subscription to Dean Forrester Monthly magazine.

Not me going "what is this stupid obscure reference that nobody will understand", then googling it only to find out it's from The Godfather, the award winning book and movie series that half the population alive has seen but not me. I don't watch movies, okay?

Yes Ma'am!

I hate this stupid bullshit. Blew past the entire scene.

That's more like it.

Luke: Kirk came to me for advice about whether or not he had a shot with you. I told him you liked movies and junk food and talking incessantly but we both agreed that there's nothing like some good lovin to shut someone up." So then you agree, the only thing that would get Lorelai to shut up is to fuck her? Take your own advice already, Sir, and do it already. You're killing us here. Lorelai: Can you bring me a sharper fork? I'm not sure this one will go through your hand. Ah, I see that like me, Lorelai is also a connoisseur of making jokes about injuring people with forks. We're not that different, you and I.

What the hell else is there to do for fun in Stars Hollow?

More Crusty nonsense. Followed by student council nonsense.

Well if that isn't the Non Privacy And Feelings Respecter Pot calling the Non Privacy And Feelings Respecter Kettle black.

At least Santa Claus visits his Children once a year, which is more than Christopher does.

Not me and @frazzledsoul discussing just yesterday how often answering machines were used as a plot device on tv in the 90's and early 00's. AmyShermanPalladino in particular is obsessed with the humble answering machine. Because social media didn't exist yet and the male characters must have some way to harrass the women when they're apart. At least It's only Kirk this time so he probably meant well. Probably. He's kinda a perv. Lorelai: i hate my life. Maybe if we look into each other's eyes and say "I wish I were you" we could pull a Freaky Friday. (Imagining I'm me, Salty, and NOT Rory, Freaky Friday'ing with Lorelai): Let's see, let's see switching lives with Lorelai: The whole "fucking Luke" thing is good But then I'd also have to fuck Dean And I'd have to fuck Crusty.. Max? (eh?) Alex? (sure) Have Emily as my mother... Working at a dumb Inn... Idk if having sex with Luke is worth all that. Rory: "If we switched bodies, I'd have to date Kirk." If you switched bodies, Lorelai would have to date Dean. I don't hear her complaining about that.

The real star of Gilmore Girls.

Oh no. Not the LOR.

*smashes that bottle of wine over Crusty's head*

45? FORTY FIVE? He tripled the record held by the previous contender. Dean better step his harrasment game up if he wants to surpass that number. Crusty: "You don't get to dictate what to do! I called you (45 times) and you didn't respond so I did what I had to do. You can't shut me out, that's wrong! Your'e keeping Rory from me! Why hasn't she called me back?" EXCUSE ME? EXCUSE MEEEE??

Oh my, the whiplash of seeing Rory stand up for herself and get into Crusty's face, only to have her head to Doose's in a few moments where Jess will give her the peg-lowering of a lifetime and she'll limp away defeated with her tail between her legs. I'll put that in my next chapter. Things Googled While Watching Gilmore Girls: Clemenza, I Take A Nap Gif, Now Kiss Gif, Spelling Of Connoisseur Cutting Room Floor A joke about how Jess won't be invited to any more Bracebridge Dinners since he's vegetarian and he's banned from the inn.