#hahaha the absolute madness of that show

[dreamings-free]

throwback to the infamous Portland show 7/3/22

08.03.24

[silverselfshippingchaos]

I had a dream where a 3rd J.udgment game was announced and M.ine showed up for one split second in the reveal trailer with this super hot evil smirk on his face and Twitter was going batshit crazy over it

Then I woke up and got really disappointed

[phoenixeclipse-lmkau]

i see you like my crumbs, will you take another?

now hear me out:

reader looking after the cubs by grooming their fur.

at first they never would allow it, them looking after each other. but after awhile, maybe they need to be cleaned up quickly or perhaps they cant groom each other for some reason, and so they have their choice: reader or spirit.

they already know how proficient spirit is with monkey related things, so its a case of who they trust more.

reader has gave them pats and scratches, and perhaps removed things from their fur once or twice, but has no skills when it comes to grooming a monkey proper, but that certainly wont stop them from trying! it takes a while, with reader going slow, but afterwards, they are.. mostly clean? they really cant blame reader for not knowing how to do so, but she certainly tried her best!

and well, it certainly felt nice, that's for sure.

they don't always get both cleaned by reader, sometimes spirit grooms one of them as well. not often, and only when they absolutely cant get clean with in the timeframe they have. spirit doesn't put in as much care to make sure she isn't pulling hair and such. she isn't being mean, but she just prioritises efficiency over comfort, unlike reader.

as they grow closer and closer with reader, she gets more chances to groom them, getting more skilled at it as time goes on. after a while, they even try and return the favour, from time to time.

now, instead of only when they need it, they try and get a grooming session from reader whenever they're relaxing, loving the sensation of reader caring for them so gently.

but when they turn back...

it's a bit difficult to convince reader to groom them, especially when they kidnapped her.

monkey duo: ah yes, hello, i know we took you to the mountain and are never letting you go, but can you please clean our fur? even though us being in our true forms means we are bigger now, and thus take much more time?

reader, freshly kidnapped and pissed off: no, you aren't kids, clean yourselves

monkey duo: :(

a few hours later:

reader grooming a random cub that asked politely:

monkey duo: :(

monkey duo: >:(

i will be back with more crumbs at a later date, i hope you enjoy this one.

Hahaha!!! Omg this would totally happen!

Now don't get me wrong the monkey duo wouldn't be mad at the cub. They would never be mad at a cub. However they are mad that they aren't also getting grooming.

Macaque would be slightly more understanding because he is self aware that they did kidnap/courtnap you. Though he still doesn’t like that you won’t give him such attention yet. He is sure that eventually you’ll give in though.

“Darling,” Wukong called out as he opened the door to your room/ cage.

Immediately you backed up in your bed, a scowl easily spread across your face even through the fear that you felt. In his hands the Warlord held a tray of fruits, all freshly cut and carefully placed to look extra appealing. You barely looked at the offering that he tried to give you, instead watching the monkey demon.

Sun Wukong was tall, almost standing at six feet tall with deep golden eyes. His beautiful golden fur looked the same shade as when he was in the form of a cub. You almost felt betrayed when you had first seen his true form. He had been wearing his golden armor and extravagant clothing before but now? Now as he walked into the room he was wearing nothing but a pair of pants, showing off his furry chest and back muscles.

All you did was glare at the monkey demon as he set the tray onto a table in the room. You didn’t say a word as he looked over at you. You expected him to leave but then noticed Macaque also walk into the room, dressed the same as his mate. His normally dark fur gone in favor of his beautiful white coat that he only shows to you and Wukong.

“What?” You ask almost silently as you waited for their reason for staying.

“It’s been a week since you’ve arrived on the island,” Wukong started, a wide grin spread across his face as if he just told you something incredible.

You raise an eyebrow with confusion, “So-?”

Both monkey demons approached the bed and leaned against it, giving you a full view of their chests. You pushed down the blush that threatened to cover your face at the sight of them.

“We were hoping- that you’d be willing to give us a grooming,” Macaque was the one to speak.

Immediately you’re tiny bubble burst and you gave them a glare, “No.”

“Oh come on why not!?” Wukong yelled looking at you with a puppy dog look across his face, as he flopped himself on the ground.

At the action you backed up a frown spread across your face. You glanced at Macaque who unlike Wukong merely looked dejected but seemed to have accepted that you wouldn’t groom them. However his mate, was not the same case.

“Darling, love, precious gem, our precious Queen, please,” Wukong begged jumping onto the bed and laying his head on your lap before you could move.

You of course merely frowned and pushed him off of you a deep frown covering your face. Looking away you scowled.

>>><<<

A few hours later when you are sitting alone in the room after having sent the duo away, both being thoroughly disappointed. Slowly you had eaten the food they provided, you had to admit that it tasted delicious. Not that you would tell either of them that, especially right now.

*Chirp*

It was small almost silent, a tiny chirp caught your attention. Turning to look you saw none other than a small monkey cub. It was a little girl with curly dark brown fur and the brightest blue eyes. She was looking almost everywhere but at you and playing with the sleeves of her pretty pink Hanfu.

“Hello there,” You couldn’t help but coo at the cute cub.

Almost immediately she perked up her eyes wide as she looked up at you with a warm smile. Cautiously she walked up to you and sat down a little bit away before scooting a little closer and settling down. Curious you tilted your head before crouching down to her level.

“Is there something you need?” You asked calmly.

“C-Can you help me? I can’t get the knots,” She muttered pointing around her body to her back and you felt your heart squeeze. How could you say no to such a cute face?

You barely let out a sigh before sitting down on the floor in front of her. Immediately the young cub turns around and reveals her back to you pulling her clothing so you could reach where she couldn’t. With expert care and skill that you attained from grooming the two warlords before you knew who they were you carefully combed through her fur.

Gently untangling every knot and strand you smiled when she began to purr. It was calm and rather domestic. You didn’t even notice when someone leaned against the doorframe.

Macaque’s gaze watched you calmly, he crossed his arms across himself and found himself bitterly smiling. He wanted that attention, the attention that you were freely giving to such a small monkey cub. She was a runt so small and frail, someone who you were caring for without a second thought. You will make such a wonderful mother, the thought crossed his mind and he quickly pushed it away. At least he tried. The thought of you carrying his cubs was overwhelming, you would make such cute cubs.

He was only broken out of his thoughts when his husband walked by, “No fair!”

You jumped before whipping your head around to look at the warlords, Wukong in particular had an almost offended look on his face. He didn’t think it was fair, he wanted your attention too. He wanted your fingers combing and grooming through his fur, he was your husband! You were married as far as he or Macaque were concerned, he did everything needed with the courtship and courtnapping. Aside from consummation but you just weren’t ready for that.

“Why won’t you groom my fur too,” He practically whined stomping his feet.

The cub let out a squeak before scurrying away to get away from the warlord, only to get caught by Macaque’s tail. You felt a shot of fear through you for a split second before he gently cradled the cub in his arms. The look on his face was both disappointment and wonder as he handed the cub back to you. Something that you accepted without a second thought, which was the reason unknown to you that Wukong went silent.

You were so cute holding the cub, how did he miss that!? How would you look holding their cub? Both his and Macaque’s? The thought filled his head as he sat down on the ground, his tail thumping on the ground as he tried to calm himself down. You focused back on grooming the cub, weather because you simply wanted to or to avoid the warlords was unclear at this point.

I loved this ask! SO CUTE!! Honestly they will be less annoyed with you grooming cubs and more wanting you to have THEIR cubs. So Reader’s gotta be careful with that, luckily for her the monkey warlords are willing to wait. Even if they don’t want to. Sorry again for the waits on these but I am working on them!!

[strawbqq]

HI THIS IS JUDY ON HER MAIN ACCOUNT I have to request for tecchou (and jouno too idk if you allow multiple characters 😭)

If you have ever read 'conversations with friends', it's about "tortured poets" meeting one another and bonding over it. But I was hoping for headcanons or a scene where the reader sorta "connects" with the hunting dogs over their line of work in this way? Like "I am you and you are me"

Maybe the reader is in the government but another org, idk take it however you want

If you haven't read the book/seen the show I sooooo recommend it btw it's so good 🥹

a/n: yesyes ty for requesting.ᐟ.ᐟfinally done after many many days of procrastination *ahem . I didn't read the book so im sorry if this isn't what u wanted 😭😭 enjoy.ᐟ.ᐟ

―⟡𝘽𝙎𝘿 𝙢𝙚𝙣 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙘 𝙝𝙘𝙨 + 𝙨𝙘𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙤

[Warnings: nothing.ᐟ✰] [Word count: 536 || 𝓮𝓷𝓳𝓸𝔂.ᐟ]🍓

°ᡣ𐭩ft. tecchou, jouno

sfw. hcs

𝕋𝕖𝕔𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕦

to cross paths with tecchou is a opportunity hard to come by even though u both work for the government

you first encountered each other during a joint mission

u don't really notice him until you see him eating beef w/ chocolate i see jouno yelling his head off in the corner

you're so professional and cool that tecchou is very intrigued by you 😔

tbh for u two to connect ur the one who's gonna have to initiate the convo

u see him in action during the mission and wow 🤩 olala

after the mission, u accidentally bump into tecchou in places u wouldn't expect (maybe he was always there, you just never noticed)

it's casual at first, just a quick 'oh, its you.ᐟ.ᐟ' but then a conversation starts, and u both realize yall have a lot in common

u both love nature walks/photography idk if this is accurate BUT BUT we did see him observing ants for 8 hours sooo

after a mission or a busy week u run into each other again in a park or near a scenic area

the casual setting gives u two a chance to interact outside of work, which naturally leads to a conversation.ᐟ.ᐟ

it's a relaxing, low-pressure environment for getting to know each other better\,,after a while u two are almost like friends rather than work associates.ᐟ.ᐟ

tecchou as a friend is so calming tbh

generally lets u do all the talking before saying something totally unrelated in the middle of a rant

altogether a very steady, reliable person

in the end u two are still divided by the invisible line that separates him, a hunting dog, from you, a regular government agent

but by now he's already lots closer to u than anyone else outside work, & he'll do his best to be a loyal & dependable friend 🥰

just like, never let him cook if u know u know

𝕁𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕠

you're sent to deliver important documents from your organization to the Hunting Dogs' HQ

it's a routine assignment, but when u arrive, alarms go off for some reason 😔

before u can explain yourself, jouno appears out of thin air using his ability and scares the shit out of you

well, he cant do no nothing bc he knows ur telling the truth

ngl, for u to feel connected to this guy, u must be one heck of a simp

u *might get on agreeable terms w/ him after a while, though, if you say you also hate tecchou

you're called back for multiple deliveries throughout the month

jouno, against all odds, actually remembers u.ᐟ.ᐟ wow

just talk to him and try not to be annoyed by his rants :)

challenge him (respectfully) he's gonna cheat

jouno as your friend tho???

100% blunt honesty, you're probably gonna get mad 9 times out of 10

probably knows u better than u know yourself after a while

absolutely doesn't let u get a word in, rants the whole time about tecchou or anything that annoyed him

u can never tell if he's joking or not

one of these days he's gonna go, 'why u smell like...blueberry and wet dog—'

yes please smack him for me

a/n: again im so sorry if this isn't what u wanted judy, im so proud that u requested 😭 BUT YAY FINALLY DONE HAHAHA (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ ty to everyone who read this, have a good day.ᐟ.ᐟ

𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾.ᐟ ʚ🍓ɞ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs + ʟɪᴋᴇs ʜɪɢʜʟʏ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇᴅ

o(≧▽≦)o

[20dollarlolita]

joke's on you; I don't know what you're doing.

context 1) at some point in my store's history, someone who works here out up a "service dogs only" sign on our front window

Context 2) we have a customer, who spends a lot of money with us, who is so allergic to dogs that she once injected herself with an epi-pen and sat outside the store wheezing and waiting for the ambulance she called for herself.

Context 3) I have a coworker who loves flexing the rules on people and making them do what she wants

Context 4) I have been bit by service dogs (or "service dogs", not my place to determine which as long as they answer The Two Questions) in our store who have never interacted with wheelchairs before. No hard feelings as the dog thought they were protecting themselves or their humans from a scary indoor car that's getting way too close for comfort, but it is never a fun incident report to file.

Customer comes in to pick up an item she ordered. Says she wants to apologize because last time she brought her dog.

Me: oh wow why's she apologizing instead of being mad?

Customer goes on about how she's brought her dog in over 50 times and never had a problem. Goes on about how her dog is about to pass the service dog test (does not go into where or what test) but keeps failing because she loves her mommy too much. Continues at length about how she doesn't want to make anyone unhappy.

Me: something feels off about this but I'm not sure what.

Customer continues about how she was just shocked because there was no way she could have known because it was never a problem before

The voice of Bob Dylan in my head: and you know something is happening here but you don't know what it is.

My confused ass mentions how some workers in the store get very serious about our front door sign as we've had major accidents involving ambulances and blood.

Customer sighs, shuts up, and leaves.

Me: very confused.

Me, on my lunch, three hours later: OH I GET IT, she's doing that bullshit thing my grandma does where she apologizes to show how wrong and stupid someone was!! Hahaha jokes the fuck on her, I absolutely did not understand at all that it was what was happening!

So customer service tip, always take customers at face value, because a review of "I fake apologized to the girl and she didn't react like I wanted her to" doesn't get much traction with higher-ups. Neither did, "I told them it was fine when they asked me if they were all right to do their training exercise in the aisle I was shopping in, but they should have understood that I was being sarcastic." But that's another story for another day at work.

[wonyrs]

fluster

enha hyungs x fmr gnr non-idol au, est. relationship warnings food wc 939 + library #

‘ enha hyung as ur 'homies' ! REQ

lee heeseung

" ayyy how u been bro?"

plays along and even replaces his normal petnames with something he'd usually call the members but NEVER you (until now)

um... hello? where is the endearing "why'd u call me that babe 😢☝️?" where is the begging for a kiss? where is the desperate attempts at pda we were hoping to see? this wasn't the plan at all (like... at ALL)

he tries to hide his laugh when u give him the stink eye and keeps up his act

even going as far to pretend like he isn't seeing ur hand inching closer to his and lifts it up to 'brush' the hair from his face

second attempt at holding his hand ended up with him fishing his phone out from his pocket and showing u an extremely!!! hilarious... insta reel.

ur plan has reversed; instead of him dying for ur affection, its now u trying to stop him from treating u like any other person before u physically cannot take it anymore

"ok man. i see how it is man. bye man." this is ur cue to stand up, run away and never look back for ur own emotional sake

if it weren't for heeseung GRIPPING onto ur shirt with the most gobsmacking laugh u've heard coming out his mouth, to the point tears were trsiling down his face from how hard he's laughing

"wait- wait [name]! you started it, come back!"

park jongseong

" how are u doing BABE? how's life BABE? "

mommm [name]'s acting weird again, i think the heat's getting to them

he acts like he can't see ur hand in the air and continues to kiss u right on the lips (but he still moves ur arm down for safety measures)

"what's good, dude?" "baby, who are u talking to? it's only us in this room lol 🤨"

u try again with dapping him up but immediately he turns around and oh so suddenly the wall is soooo interesting

for the whole hour u mess with him and call him 'bro, dude, gang' and shit like that while he just sneakily rolls his eyes and goes on with his day- while most likely wondering what on earth was wrong w u

he'd be in the kitchen washing the dishes while ure trying to hold his hand and have it dap urs up

but is he paying attention?

lmfao no

he goes on with his day since he knows u cant go another hour without his love and so he has nothing to worry about (unless u actually DO go for another hour, then he's actually going to believe something's wrong with u)

eventually u give up and go back to slumping on his back. the months u've spent together gave jay a clear understanding on ur antics and gave him some time to prepare for anything u had up ur sleeve

" tired already? an hour, new record babe. good job"

sim jaeyun

" why are u doing this to me "

the moment u refuse his hug and opt for a more... different greeting, jake malfunctions for a bit

he trys to hug u again but u extremely remain still

whines complains when u keep up the 'homeboy' act

"i swear we acted like a normal couple yesterday, did i make u mad pookie? 😥" sneaks in some of the petnames u absolutely LOATHE just for a reaction

hates when u replace the lovely kiss-and-hug interactions with dapping him up like a BRO

most likely complained to the enha gc abt ur 'unearthly' behaviour (u get his ass on that later) and cries that he might never see the old u again

the urge to drown him in all the love u've kept in since u met up is eating u alive But watching him practically cry over ur feet is helping u out a wee bit

"chat this is absolutely hilarious what are we thinking" "WOW! Hahaha so funny!! Such a kneeslapper! can u stop now 😐."

Hes dead serious when he says this btw Like full on eye contact with furrowed eyebrows, but a small pout is resting on his face

he was fine with the joke at first but then he just got more eager for ur touch as the hours went by

u stare for a bit before engulfing him in the biggest hug ever while peppering his face with an abundance of smooches

"finally! u dont know how long ive waited for this"

park sunghoon

" did u eat something funny? "

just stares. nothing else, just stares

eventually u have to drop ur arm because the silence just got too awkward

was he mad at u? (ofc not) Maybe hoonie just needed to load and take a bit to process the scene in front of him

"i dont think u should be doing this to your boyfriend, babe. it doesn't really fit the loving couple vibe yk 🤖"

even when sunghoon continues to act like everything's normal u keep on persisting with acting like close-bro-friends

... only to be met with the most baffled face ever.

he wonders if ure roleplaying as some character or just genuinely going insane

decides to go along with whatever you're doing and continue the day as normal as it can get

when u get tired of the lack of attention, u drop the act but unconsciously refer to him as bro

muscle memory(ish) fr

"dude can you at least act interested?" "um excuse me? what'd u just call me"

HELLO. where was this dumbfounded hoon when u need him?

ure actually laughing atp because he doesn't even look like he knew what was wrong

the whole time u kept up w the joke, he didn't even look like he cared UNTIL u got tired and talked in ur normal tone

"don't ever say 'dude' in a serious tone like that. scared me, babe."

@ wonyrs 2023

note sorry anon for not taking ur request after like 2 weeks... i've needed some motivation to write SORRY.. also maknae version is next :> requests open!

[manias-wordcount]

I hope you are doing good! And if requests are open might i request some hc of dabi, bakugo, and spike spiegel (its first boyfriend requester again sorry ;w;) reacting to reader who dresses up like them for halloween (or for spike reader dresses like cowboy andy hahaha)

Dressing Up Like Him HCs (Katsuki Bakugo, Dabi, Spike Spiegel)

𝗔/𝗡: 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗼!

𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝗯 𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁: @dogsandrocketsocks @pittbull-enthusiast @asuperconfusedgirl @rendartgrimson

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚?

Dabi/Touya Todoroki

He’s gonna think you’re sooo cute lmaoo

He’ll tell you that too but only once or twice - he doesn't want it to get to your head

Chances are you’re probably wearing his clothes and string bean here long as fuck so it’s likely too big for you in certain ways

But he really likes the look of you in one of his shirts and his jackets (You look ridiculous in his pants because of just how ill-fitted they are on you but that’s beside the point)

The only thing that really throws him off is seeing the staples and skin graft scars on you

It’s a crude emulation of his actual skin grafts made from makeup and face paint, but it served as a weird and startling reminder of just how fragile you compared to him

The pain he suffered as a result of his own flames was hard enough but the idea of going through the same pain and process as him? No thanks 

So in the end, he’s gonna think you look cute and will definitely let you borrow one of his jackets anytime you ask because he likes how you look in them

But don’t show him what you’d look like when you’re hurt okay? 

Because who knows what he’d do if he saw you hurt like that for real

Katsuki Bakugo

Even since his debut, Halloween costumes of his hero costume have been pretty hard to come by

So you were pretty lucky to be able to snag a more feminine-looking costume a couple of years after his debut

It wasn’t the greatest material and there were definitely some details that they just didn’t get right (And you know he’d have something to say about the costume creators once he finds out later)

But seeing his face when you showed him the costume was more than enough for you to be satisfied

So naturally, he’s going to be super cocky and like grinning ear to ear like a complete dumbass

Like seeing his SO dress up exactly like him in a cuter version of his costume is really gonna make him happy because that ego is still a little unchecked

But he’s also gonna feel extremely proud

He knew of the existence of the halloween costumes and he knew he had fans

But something about seeing the person he loves most dressing up like him in a show of admiration and affection is probably gonna make him feel all soft and squishy and sweet on the inside

Not that he’d ever admit that though

Spike Spiegel

At first, he’s gonna be mad because the outfit absolutely reminds him of Andy

But then you hit in with the

“I’m a cowboy Spike! I’m just like you!”

And he’s gonna fucking melt

Suddenly all negative feelings he has about cowboys are being washed away by the image of you looking like you walked fresh off the set of Big Shots

Because he’s him, he gonna mess around with your hat and make you pose and say certain things from old western movies with a drawl

He might even sneak a couple of photos here and there (or he’s gonna be completely shameless about it and take candid photos of you looking cute right in front of your face)

And eventually, he’ll probably hit you with his signature snark and tell you that he doesn’t dress anything like that

But he won’t be quick to ruin your fun though - he’s got a lot more compliments to shower you with

Especially since you dress up like all for him

[junk-story]

Interview Archive 1, 12.1993 - Ongaku to Hito Special Edition

BUCK-TICK is an exceedingly rare sort of band. Although the Band Boom has ended up vanishing as if it never happened at all, in an area totally unrelated to the Boom, where no one else is drawing a crowd, is a group with a unique stance who have continued following their own path of “individuality”. Their stylish visuals have the lingering scent of decadence. Their lyrics, like “I just want to go mad”, are laden with the aesthetics of self-deprecation. And, with “strange” sounds that have absolutely no roots in Western rock, and truly catchy melodies – from any angle, they are a “Japan Original”. Furthermore, although these “nonconformists” have also continued to be a great success commercially, they are still breaking new ground. Although their eerie ambiance is often misunderstood by ordinary people, this unique sensation is something that anyone can have a share of. Sakurai Atsushi reigns with a “negative charisma”, but his absolute desire to escape and narcissism in the sense of “being lenient with oneself” can happen to anyone. I support the weakness of humanity.*

Ichikawa: How do you think BUCK-TICK are seen by ordinary people?

Sakurai: …Maybe...I suppose people who aren’t interested just aren’t interested at all. Because no matter how many times something that doesn’t interest me shows up on TV, that’s where it ends for me.

Ichikawa: Despite your CD sales, you’re passive about this.

Sakurai: Yeah, because there are people who don’t listen to music, so even if I stood face-to-face with such a person and said, “It’s me”, they’ll just be like, “And who are you?” (laughs)

Ichikawa: Conversely, what kind of people do you think listen to BUCK-TICK?

Sakurai: Hmmm...I think a lot of them are daydreamers. (laughs) Even watching the same movies, like Alain Delon1 rather than Jurassic Park. (laughs) When I read the letters I’ve received, that’s the feeling I get.

Ichikawa: What kind of letters do you get most?

Sakurai: In my case, I get everything from the heavy stuff to the light stuff. (laughs)

Ichikawa: What sort of content is in the light letters?

Sakurai: “Your stage outfit was so cool this time”. (laughs)

Ichikawa: And what about the heavy letters?

Sakurai: The heavy ones are incredible, really – like a 21 year old girl who got divorced even though she has a child, or things about their family members, or about how they’re sick. Also, there are many people who write emotional content.

Ichikawa: It’s become Kitaro’s Yokai postal service2, hasn’t it?

Sakurai: Hahaha. But, there’s nothing I’m able to give them...you know.

Ichikawa: Although this idol-like reaction is understandable, is there no “added hidden value” appearing more and more?

Sakurai: Hmmm, I wonder...although I’m making music...music isn’t necessary to living, and you won’t die without it. So I think people who aren’t interested don’t listen to music that deeply, and naturally, they don’t synchronize their listening to the situations I find myself in and my reality. So the band is getting more media exposure, which is supposed to give us more opportunities to be heard, but I wonder���

Ichikawa: But on the other hand, the Yokai Post Box has letters arriving to it frequently, right? Obviously, that’s different from just a popular song and supporting some harmless rock music.

Sakurai: But I expect that the people who are watching idols are definitely greater in number. Because they’re all the same.

Ichikawa: But BUCK-TICK are already big names, and you’ve been reigning on the front lines for 6 years. Naturally, you should be different from them. And hey, if you were part of SMAP3, that would be a problem, wouldn’t it?

Sakurai: Yeah, that would be an issue. (laughs)

Ichikawa: So for example, what do you think people come to see Sakurai Atsushi for at concerts?

Sakurai: I really don’t know...for example, I receive letters saying like, “I want to see more of your humanity4 during the MC sections”, and I think it might be better if I expressed my humanity more. Also, I think the songs I want to sing and the songs people want to hear may be different...I’m always confused.

Ichikawa: You still haven’t gotten a grip on what your stage persona is.

Sakurai: No, if I think about understanding it, it’s easy, but I think hard about it and then it confuses me. I suppose there won’t be any problem if I do everything like an entertainer with a strong sense of providing a service, but.

Ichikawa: Like, “I’m Sakuraiiiiii!”

Sakurai: Wahahahaha.

Ichikawa: What’s an example of a song people are expecting?

Sakurai: Songs like “Speed”, “Jupiter”, or “JUST ONE MORE KISS”, don’t you think?

Ichikawa: And the song you think they’ll dislike?

Sakurai: Taiyou ni Korosareta. (laughs)

Ichikawa: Aah, Sakurai’s song about the thing at the core, the “aesthetics of self-deprecation.” Well, it certainly seems like a song that was written sitting on a hill of despair.

Sakurai: Oh? (laughs) But lately, I’ve received letters saying that Taiyou ni Korosareta was good, so I’ve thought that maybe I’m not as misunderstood as I thought I was.

Ichikawa: So you ought to have more self-confidence, Sakurai.

Sakurai: I should, right. More...not to flatter myself, but I hope I can cross the line to becoming an entertainer.

Ichikawa: Well, I think it’s enough that you’re performing as this “dark entertainer”. What do you think is lacking?

Sakurai: It’s not that something’s lacking...it’s that it’s incomplete.

Ichikawa: Well, then where is something lacking?

Sakurai: Mmm...in my own head. (laughs)

Ichikawa: Oi, come on now.

Sakurai: (laughs) I think it could be anything, but, for example, when I go out in front of 2,000 people, I just don’t get that same high anymore.

Ichikawa: So even though you have this stately and dark look – you don’t even think things like, “These 2,000 people have gathered to come see me!”?

Sakurai: No, I don’t. There can be people who are looking at something else even if they’re directly in front of me. (laughs)

Ichikawa: Aren’t you being narrow-minded about this?

Sakurai: It’s caught my attention. So I stare at a single point and act like an idiot who doesn’t see that sort of reaction to me.

Ichikawa: Wow. First of all, haven’t you ever thought, “I’m popular”?

Sakurai: When they’re screaming, “kyaaaaa!” (laughs)

Ichikawa: A live venue is really a melting pot of those “kyaaa” screams; does that make you feel anxious?

Sakurai: I don’t think it’s anxiety, but...I’m always agonizing5 over if I should take myself less seriously. It’s not only people who are listening to the music and enjoying it; there are also many people enjoying another part of the performance, so I think I should do what I want, but...I’m insecure.

Ichikawa: Have you ever thought about the influence you have?

Sakurai: I have. For example, it’s easy to tell when there are kids wearing the same fashion as I am. Also...I don’t know if this is my influence or not, but...the people who like the same world that I do. They give me these detailed, maniacal (laughs) opinions on things, like, “that musical is really good”, “have you read this novel?”, “you like this type of aesthetic, right?”, “this thing you said in an interview really spoke to me”, like that.

Ichikawa: Fundamentally, is it that the recipients of your work can’t accept Sakurai Atsushi as a real person? With your charisma, it’s like you’re magnified up 5 or 10 times bigger in their minds. And those voices, their expectations are like, “Well, if it’s Sakurai-san, naturally he’ll understand my aesthetic sense.” I think it would be natural to gain some self-confidence from those voiced expectations and support.

Sakurai: It would be better not to betray that sentiment, but when it comes to my own conviction...I think if I can put out more that says, “this is how my world is”, I’ll be able to clearly have that conviction.

Ichikawa: Even with Sakurai having this internal conflict, you’re being seen by ordinary people, other than your fans6, as a so-called “rockstar” now – in your case, you must be feeling the difference of that.

Sakurai: I do. Even people who don’t know music have said, “Ah, it’s that guy” – although I had just come there to have a meal. (laughs) I’m human just the same as a salaryman that’s the same age from that area, so..while I think that about myself, I guess they’re in a position where they can’t see it.

Ichikawa: Even if you don’t want to be considered special, in the first place, rock really must be thought of as “exceptional”. Moreover, being exceptional is the biggest characteristic of BUCK-TICK. Do you not have any awareness that this means you are exceptional?

Sakurai: I’m also very aware of that. It’s both extremes. There are also times where I want to say, “Leave me alone!”, turn my nose up and walk away, but (laughs) that’s also tiring, so there’s the converse argument to be made, too, like, “I’m a human just like you, so leave me alone.”

Ichikawa: Do you think things like, for example, that you could be as self-absorbed with how exceptional you are as Ei-chan7?

Sakurai: …I really do, without everyday life.

Ichikawa: What I’m asking is, can’t you become that way?

Sakurai: I can’t~. I don’t like being interfered with, and I switch Sakurai Atsushi off in those moments. (laughs)

Ichikawa: But there’s David Bowie, who isn’t doing fan service around the clock, but at work...(laughs) As a charismatic person, you can behave as you see fit, right? Although I think you could do it if you tried, you’d always agonize between those two selves.

Sakurai: I wonder why...because I’m afraid of being caught off guard?

Ichikawa: Don’t you think you’re cool?

Sakurai: there are times when I think, “I am super cool”, but there are also times where I think, “What am I doing?!” (laughs) I’m hard on myself, maybe.

Ichikawa: But, it’s simpler8 to think of yourself as cool, isn’t it?

Sakurai, Yes, much simpler. But in order for me to think so, I have to aim for being an entertainer, and I’m no good.

Ichikawa: This orientation you have toward being an entertainer is also being taken too far, actually – it’s like chloroform you breathe in every day until you lose consciousness.

Sakurai: Wahahahaha. That’s harsh!

Ichikawa: Don’t you want to become more arrogant and charismatic?

Sakurai: I really just want to shine within music, if it’s something I’m able to do. Aah...I see...maybe...I’m rebelling against it, aren’t I. Everyone views me as a rockstar, so I wonder if maybe I simply want to betray that notion and rebel against it.

Ichikawa: Does the so-called narcissistic state, where you can think of yourself as cool, not last long? It seems like only the high of not caring what the people around you think lasts, but. (laughs)

Sakurai: It doesn’t really last, no. It’s like...I end up able to see reality. That I’m someone who can go as far as narcissism, but can’t sustain it, I can see that.

Ichikawa: But without narcissism, the fantasy of rock won’t flourish, right? You’re a man who can’t be proactive, aren’t you?

Sakurai: Yeah...but that’s quite kind, because it makes people’s dreams of it expand more and more. I don’t really seem very kind, talking selfishly about my own needs while also saying, “I won’t show you the important parts.”

Ichikawa: If you said more, would it be like, “It’s your fault for coming to love me without my permission”?

Sakurai: (laughs) I wouldn’t say their fault...more like, it’s a waste. If I could be understood even if I didn’t say anything, I’d be extremely happy, because I hate the regret I feel after babbling out an explanation. (laughs)

Ichikawa: Then, explaining yourself to an ordinary person who thinks of you as a rocker must also be miserable.

Sakurai: That’s right. But...lately, my way of thinking about it changes all the time. Sometimes I think, “I’m gonna make that guy who doesn’t know me take another look!”, and other times I think, “It’s no good! I’m tired.” (laughs)

Ichikawa: So then, as I thought, you do think you’re cool, don’t you? If you were to call out to the women on the roadside over there9, you have confidence they’d quickly follow you here, right?

Sakurai: If I wanted to do it. (laughs) But using the energy is more trouble than it’s worth. I think maybe I’m unkind in that way.

Ichikawa: Well, calling out to them isn’t really nice either. (laughs)

Sakurai: Oh. (laughs) But, I’m thinking I want to become less sentimental, colder.

Ichikawa: What’s the reason behind that?

Sakurai: Because I have a heart. Wahahahahaha.

Ichikawa: Well, regardless of some minor occurrences of it, (laughs) Sakurai Atsushi doesn’t have any arrogance, really, in the bigger picture of things.

Sakurai: But I’ve also come to understand that I could be just a bit easier on myself, too. I think I could become cooler if I did.

Ichikawa: As Sakurai, and as BUCK-TICK, too, even though you’re this deeply self-centered person who doesn’t care about the existence of other people at all10, I think gradually it becomes necessary to see yourself objectively. And you have to become aware of the influence you have.

Sakurai: Lately, I’ve been chatting with people who have the same tastes as me, and it’s interesting to see how I can come to see myself when I see those people. While I was drinking in Osaka, a person came and sat down who said, “I can see ghosts” – why, I wonder, is it always that sort of person who comes to me? (laughs) But, it turned to conversation about our newest song, “die”, and they said, “You’re definitely a narcissist”, and I was like, “Ah, right, right, I’d forgotten that, now that you mention it.” The person I show other people is a narcissist; I felt like I’d forgotten.

Ichikawa: In the end, those types of people are the ones who come together under Sakurai with peace of mind, don’t you think?

Sakurai: That’s true. I think the people who are thinking about me must be seeing me with some amazing eyes.11

Ichikawa: Give those “amazing eyes” a response, a spectacular one.

Sakurai: I think it will change during our current tour. (laughs)

Ichikawa: (laughs) With that – BUCK-TICK is a band where the members take walking alone endlessly to the extreme, right? The most of any in Japan.

Sakurai: That’s out of my control. There’s nothing I can do about that.

Ichikawa: And that’s also why you feel like you can’t effectively exert your influence, I imagine.

Sakurai: Hmmm...so, I expect that I’m afraid of cheapening what I do. I just did what I wanted to do, so. (laughs)

Ichikawa: Are you being careful with your words?

Sakurai: You could call it being careful; you could call it cowardice.

Ichikawa: Certainly, in the early years – you may have been perceived as cheap during the pop era of your music where your hair was straight up, but since then, I think conversely, you’re perceived as a luxury good.

Sakurai: Yeah, I think we aren’t perceived as cheap, but I certainly have fear of being thought of that way.

Ichikawa: That’s like an ordinary girl thinking, “Don’t become friends with that person” about a yankii in their same class.

Sakurai: (laughs) Is that so?

Ichikawa: This yankii is stubborn, but in reality, he’s facing the dilemma of wanting to be friends with anyone at all.

Sakurai: Exactly. (laughs) But, I’ve been thinking that from now on, we should harden up more, get colder, and that I hope that those who don’t care about our music don’t bother with it. I hope that those who do care it experience it whenever they get the chance, and that those who don’t, never experience it again.

Ichikawa: Well, but, you’re so cool, so wouldn’t it be better to be more free-spirited?

Sakurai: Hahaha. I’m always overthinking things like that.

Ichikawa: I wonder if that overworrying is part of your personality.

Sakurai: Hmmm...I don’t know. But I’m always thinking about how I want others to enjoy and be happy.

Ichikawa: Even so, there are a lot of ups and downs in everyday life. (laughs)

Sakurai: Hahaha. I may not be handling them so well.

Ichikawa: Well, in the end, trouble always ends up coming about.

Sakurai: And that’s why all you can do is stand your ground, right...or I’m going to act out that pretense. (laughs)

Ichikawa: Have you been acting pretentious lately?

Sakurai: Quite pretentious.

Ichikawa: Anyway, you’ve got a good face for it.

Sakurai: Yeah.

Ichikawa: Oh, an easy agreement on that from this guy.

Sakurai: Fufufufufufu.

Ichikawa: So, if you acted like you owned the place, you could powerfully establish your own world – and moreover, externally, Sakurai is already waiting for it. All that’s left is you feeling like doing it.

Sakurai: ...it’s troublesome, you know.

Ichikawa: You sure are BUCK-TICK’S frontman.

Sakurai: (laughs) I want to have an effective presence that has a detailed edge to it. More than feeling like a big, enveloping presence.

Ichikawa: Aren’t you seeking a long life full of detail?

Sakurai: No way! (laughs) But, lately I’ve realized this. Because I’m using energy on this tour. (laughs) How can I say this...it’s like more...pushing forward the next day while feeling like, “I’m losing it, aren’t I?” (laughs)

Ichikawa: You’re a man predestined to being a paradox.

Sakurai: ...Has this ended up being an unspectacular interview? (laughs)

Ichikawa: Well, even if we sang “Shimauta”12 at karaoke, we didn’t sing “die”, so. (laughs) It’s considered special, you know, definitely.

Sakurai: Even if we’re doing something special, like – I end up feeling like everything is lumped together. I feel like the people who listen to music have become cowards, too. Like the provocation is frightening to them.

Ichikawa: Even though the propagation of provocation is the theme of this band.

Sakurai: Right. And moreover, we’re trying to even out the high and low points of unevenness, and there’s a feeling of something unseen moving.

Ichikawa: When it’s that way, you can only go back to the basics and put your hair straight up again!

Sakurai: Right? Although I wasn’t aware of it during the time my hair was up, that “We are special” thing.

Ichikawa: But I think if you put it up now, you might be able to do it having that awareness.

Sakurai: Imai currently has a mohawk while having that awareness.

Ichikawa: Well then, next will it be Sakurai Atsushi with his hair up?!

Sakurai: When should I put it up...people might say, “It’s uncool!” (laughs) I really don’t want to use my energy on that sort of thing. (laughs)

~~~~~ Footnotes: * This makes more sense as you read the interview - basically, I think he's saying that he argues Sakurai ought to be more lenient with himself. 1 A French movie star. 2 A reference to a manga. Kitaro is a “sullen ghost boy” who “protects others from malicious spirits”. 3 The biggest name in Johnny’s of that time, and still one of their biggest ever. 4 Human-ness? I don’t know a better word for this in English. They want him to emote, talk more, things like that. 5 Very dramatic word choice here – literally “suffering until you faint”. 6 Who are not ordinary people, obviously, lol. 7 Eikichi Yazawa, a big Showa-era rockstar. 8 Simpler in the sense of more comfortable; less work. 9 I wonder if he was actually gesturing to someone, or if this was hypothetical. 10 I think he’s ribbing him here – calling him out on his bullshit. Sakurai is repeatedly trying to say this about himself and then contradicting it. 11 In other words, they are seeing a version of him that he doesn’t believe actually exists. 12 A 1992 song by the band “The Boom”.

~~~~~ Some final translation notes:

I don't know who put the LibreOffice suggestion on my dash, but I used that to type this up this time instead of Google docs, and it seems to have preserved the footnotes (at least on desktop.) I'll try and test this on mobile too but hopefully it's a better experience!

Also, just a basic note on "cool" in Japanese - kakkoii. It's commonly translated as "cool" but really encompasses things like being attractive, sexy, etc. in ways I think the word in English doesn't. I think its usage packs more punch when you think of it that way, as like "heart eyes, motherfucker" cool.

[alittlebitofsainz]

a place in this world (carlos’ version)

chapter 3: the other side of the door

summary: what’s a team celebration party without a little drama?

pairing: carlos sainz x f!reader, slow burn colleagues to friends to lovers, a lil’ bit of angst

warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, allusions to sex but nothing explicit

a/n: the cheese room of a club just plays cheesy music, think abba or anything from the 00s. also carlos’ phone background is a picture of him and piñón, but it cropped weirdly hahaha

masterlist | chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4

6th September, 2020

Italian Grand Prix, P2

second place. your first time ever being hosed down in champagne. carlos swore that he wasn’t aiming for you, but the way that he smirked when he saw you absolutely drenched head to toe told you that he may have been lying. if it wasn’t for that adorably goofy grin, that wild, mischevious sparkle in his eye, and the way he’d let you fix his hair when he came back into the garage, you would’ve been cursing him right now, as you rinsed shampoo and champagne out of your hair for the third time this evening, trying desperately to get the stubborn stickiness out of your roots. but you couldn’t be mad at him. not at carlos.

you picked up the message when you got out of the shower. shit. you didn’t realise how long you’d spent trying to get champagne out of every orifice, and now you were running late - very late. hair, makeup and outfit in just ten minutes? the feat had never been accomplished before, and you weren’t sure it was going to be done now either. plus you’d wanted to look nice for this one - you couldn’t show up to the team celebrations for carlos’ second place podium looking like you’d just been dragged through a hedge backwards. the ensuing fifteen minutes were like a whirlwind, blasting a hairdryer through your hair, shimmying into your dress and finally turning your attention to makeup, your hotel room looking like a bombsite in your wake. you were considerably late by the time you’d finished everything. you hoped carlos didn’t mind.

carlos did mind. until he saw her walking across the lobby towards him, all apologetic smiles and fluttering lashes. and then he didn’t mind so much anymore.

“you look…” he struggled to find a word appropriate for a colleague to call another colleague. gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, they all seemed like too much, but they also all seemed to fall short. almost sensing his inner turmoil, she cut him off, putting him out of his misery.

“you too.” she replied with a knowing smile. “and sorry I’m late, took ages to wash that damnedchampagne out of my hair.”

“oh so now it’s my fault that you’re late?” it was carlos’ time to flash that knowing smile in her direction, and she rolled her eyes in reply.

“well it’s not my fault.” she retorted, taking the arm that he was offering out to her, as a gentle reminder that they were already late and they needed to get a move on.

“nothing’s ever your fault.” carlos muttered, tone still playful as he stepped back to let her exit the hotel lobby before him. she chuckled in reply, spinning round on her heel to watch him come through the door after her.

“you’re learning, carlos. slowly, but you’re learning.”

it took carlos an embarrassing ten minutes to realise why she wasn’t texting him back. he’d found her phone: she’d left it at the bar, the case slightly sticky where someone had spilled tequila on it (it may or may not have been carlos himself, but she didn’t need to know that). he’d messaged her several times to let her know that he’d found it, and was increasingly worried why she wasn’t replying, only realising when he felt her phone vibrate in his pocket immediately after sending the second message why she wasn’t answering her phone… that she’d lost… that was in his pocket…

okay, so maybe he’d had a few too many tonight, but looking around the dancing mass of people in underground bar of the club, who hadn’t? still, his mind wasn’t clouded enough for him to forget her. where was she? it must be over an hour since he’d last seen her, disappearing off to the toilets in a huddle of giggling girls. and now she was without her phone as well.

“have you seen y/n?”

lando shook his head, frowning slightly at his teammate’s question before his face broke into a boyish grin.

“no, mate, sorry. why? you wanna take her home?” he teased, earning a grunt from a frowning carlos, who wasn’t in the mood for this.

“knock it off, cabrón.” he huffed, eyes darting around behind lando’s head, still constantly on the lookout for her. “I have her phone, but I can’t find her to give it back.”

lando’s features softened, even he couldn’t bring himself to tease carlos further, and ever since shehad joined the team lando enjoyed nothing more than reminding his teammate of his little crush on his race engineer, despite how much carlos denied it. we’re just friends, he’d say. just friends my ass, lando would say in return.

“this place is a maze, mate. it’ll take you ages to find her.” lando replied, “she’s probably fine though, she’s got loads of friends. if I see her, I’ll let her know you’re looking for her.”

carlos nodded gratefully, although still emitting a low growl from the back of his throat at the frustration of not being able to find her.

“thanks, mate.” he gave lando an appreciative pat on the shoulder before moving off in a direction of the club that he hadn’t searched in yet.

he couldn’t help but admire her, just for a moment.

he’d found her in one of the side rooms, and he mentally cursed himself. the cheese room should’ve been the first place he’d searched - of course he’d find her singing her heart out to gimme! gimme! gimme! it hadn’t taken carlos long to learn that wherever abba could be found, she wouldn’t be far away.

in the low light of the club, she’d captured him. the way she twirled under the arm of her friends, giggling as she nearly overbalanced on her heels. the way her head was tilted back, singing out the words of the song to the ceiling, every lyric on point despite the number of drinks she’d had. the way she locked eyes with him across the room, her face immediately breaking into a grin as she pushed her way through the crowd towards him.

“hey stranger!” she had to lean in close so he could hear her above the bass of the music.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” he replied, a hand on her shoulder to steady himself as he spoke into her ear.

“and you didn’t think to check the cheese room first?”

he shook his head, chuckling to himself, before remembering why he’d even been looking for her in the first place.

“I found your phone, on the bar upstairs. someone spilled tequila on it, sorry about that.” 

she took her phone from his outstretched hand with raised eyebrows.

“I didn’t even realise I’d lost it! you’re a lifesaver, carlito, thank you.” 

she tucked it away in her handbag, securing it in a zipped pocket so she didn’t lose it again, before turning her face back up towards carlos.

“you should come dance with us!” 

she held out her hand, fingers outstretched. carlos wasn’t sure whether it was the beer, the tequila, the abba song, or his pure desire to hold her hand, but he grabbed it, interlacing their fingers together as she pulled him through the crowded dancefloor back to her group of friends.

carlos wasn’t sure at what point he’d let go of her hand that night, but he knew that it hadn’t been for a very, very long time.

carlos sainz didn’t know much about what had happened last night, but he knew his head hurt. and his mouth was dry. and… and someone was in bed beside him? 

oh jesus, ohhhhhh jesus. his eyes widened, rolling over in bed. he tried to scan back through his hazy memories of last night. of doing the tequila shots, of finding her phone on the bar, of holding her hand on the dancefloor. he’d wanted to do things properly, take her out to a nice restaurant, tell her how much she meant to him, have their first kiss under the stars, and now she would just think she was a one night stand!? god, he really hoped it wasn’t…

it wasn’t her. was that a good or bad thing? he thought he’d been hoping it wasn’t her, so why did his heart have that sinking feeling? why did he feel so disappointed? and who was this woman in bed with him? as he lay there, silently, staring at the mystery woman’s sleeping figure, his memories came flooding back to him, almost making him dizzy as it all hit him like a tidal wave. he’d gone to the bar to buy her a drink, but as he’d been waiting to be served, a rather striking blonde girl had started a conversation with him. she was a model, she’d said. or was it an actress? carlos couldn’t quite remember the details. all he knew was that she’d ordered a round of shots for everyone waiting at the bar, and then another, and then… maybe another? for carlos, that’s when it all started to drift into a hazy fog. 

but he couldn’t shake one memory - one moment of clarity. he’d had his arms round someone; yes, it must’ve been the woman from the bar, the blonde that was currently in his bed. they’d been making out in a way that was borderline inappropriate for the middle of a dancefloor, but several shots of tequila down and neither of them had cared. until carlos had opened his eyes, only for a moment, to see herwalking past, on her way out of the club. her head had turned for just a moment, their eyes locking in the same way they had several hours earlier across the dancefloor, but there was no smile that could light up a room, no glint of mischief or playfulness in her eyes. no warmth in her expression. she stared at him, and for the first time since he’d known her, carlos felt like he couldn’t read her expression. maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was because he’d never seen that expression on her before. as quickly as she’d appeared, she was gone, heading towards the door of the club. the blonde woman had kissed him again, and he’d forgotten all about everything else.

you resisted the urge to throw your phone at the wall. instead you stared at it, face screwing up slightly at how sticky it still was to the touch, the smell of tequila still lingering on it. you reread the message twice, three times, the way you used to when carlos had first started texting you. but there were no butterflies in your stomach this time. just a sinking feeling.

you couldn’t put your finger on why you were so upset. you and carlos were colleagues, at most very good friends, nothing more. it shouldn’t bother you one way or the other who he took back to his hotel room last night; you weren’t in a relationship with him or anything, he was completely free to do what he liked with whoever he liked. but you couldn’t deny the way your heart had done a backflip when he’d taken your hand, gripping it so tightly as you’d lead him across the dancefloor. he’d made you laugh over and over and over until you could barely catch your breath at the way he fumbled over all the lyrics, and with his completely outrageous (read: outrageously awful) dance moves. when he said he was going to buy you a drink, you could’ve sworn you’d felt something in the air, like this was the beginning of something. when you’d walked past him several hours later, latched onto another girl like a limpet, the feeling had dissipated.

you’d called him special, once. you made the mistake of believing that you were special too.

she had never been the fastest replier, but three hours was the longest she’d ever left one of his messages unanswered. he checked his phone again. at least she hadn’t left him on read.

the blonde girl was long gone from his room, gathering her clothes up once carlos had made it clear that no, he wasn’t interested in going for brunch with her, thank you very much. despite the pounding in his head, and the feeling that he was still possibly slightly drunk, he’d dragged himself out of bed and into the shower, trying to wash away the feeling of guilt and embarrassment, and failing miserably. brushing his teeth didn’t help, nor did styling his hair or putting on the only uncreased polo shirt he had left. no, he knew that the only way he could make himself feel better was to talk to the one person that didn’t want talk to him right now.

he sighed, sinking down onto the bed and resting his head in his hands momentarily, before picking up his phone to check it again. still nothing.

with all the resolve he could muster whilst still feeling very sorry for himself, he found himself outside her hotel room door. it felt a little desperate, to go to someone’s physical location just because they hadn’t answered his message, but hell, carlos sainz was a pretty desperate man right now.

she didn’t even need to ask who it was outside her door before she called back that she was busy. carlos bit his lip.

“I’m sorry.” he said flatly, voice just loud enough for her to hear it through the thick fire door of her hotel room. he heard the click of a bolt on the other side, and shuffled back a few paces when the door swung open, revealing her stood on the other side. she looked tired, but not as tired as he did. a different sort of tired - she didn’t look hungover, or like she hadn’t gotten enough sleep. it was something else. for the second time in 24 hours, carlos couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“sorry for what?” she replied, her voice sharp, as if she didn’t have the time for this interaction. carlos drew in a breath, as if to speak, but then he just simply let out a long sigh instead.

what was he sorry for? technically, he hadn’t actually done anything wrong, so why did he feel so guilty? sure, it was a bit harsh to promise that he was going to get her a drink and then end up forgetting about it when one pretty blonde lady offered him a shot of tequila, but she’d been surrounded by friends, it wasn’t as if he’d just abandoned her on her own in a club. and they weren’t dating or anything, he hadn’t cheated on anyone, hadn’t broken anyone’s heart or anything daft like that. carlos and her were just friends, right? lando’s voice came into his head momentarily. just friends my ass.

his thoughts were interrupted by a loud sigh. her arms were folded across her chest, still waiting, but there was something else mixed into her expression now, something carlos could read this time. he couldn’t put a name to it, not exactly, but it was almost like confusion, mixed with understanding, if that was even a possible combination.

“I don’t know.” carlos eventually replied. he knew in that moment that the correct answer was the honest answer. from the way her arms uncrossed and she opened the door slightly further, he knew he was right.

“me neither.” she sighed, “I mean, I don’t know why I’m upset. I guess I just…” she trailed off, her eyes flicking up to meet carlos’ before resting on the floor. “… no, I don’t know.”

he opened his mouth to ask what she was going to say, to push her, before deciding against it and merely nodding his head in agreement.

“do you want to go get brunch?” she asked quietly after a moment, looking up at him through lashes that still had tiny traces of mascara clinging to them from the night before. he let a faint smile creep up onto his face, before nodding.

“yeah, that would be nice.”

as it turned out, brunch fixes everything, a fact which carlos was very, very grateful for.

27th September, 2020

Russian Grand Prix, DNF

brunch fixes everything. even if the ‘everything’ trying to be fixed is the crushing disappointment of hitting the barrier whilst trying to rejoin the track on turn one, and the ‘brunch’ is one lukewarm croissant shared between two whilst sat in front of a computer screen.

you brushed the pastry crumbs off your fingers before pointing at the computer screen.

“I mean, you don’t need me to tell you that that’s the line you should’ve taken.”

carlos shook his head, eyeing up the last mouthful of the croissant before flicking his eyes up back to the screen, following your gaze.

“argh, I’m such a fucking idiot.” he growled as he was forced to watch the way he clipped the wall for the umpteenth time in the span of the past twenty minutes. you shot him an apologetic look - as much as you’d love to disagree with him, you really couldn’t. it had been a pretty daft move, you knew it, carlos certainly knew it, there was no getting round it.

“do you want the last piece of croissant?”

was the only way you could think to cheer him up. his shoulders shook slightly with a small chuckle.

“are you sure?”

“I think you need it more than I do.” 

you slid the plate towards him with a smile, one which he mirrored as he accepted the croissant, tossing it into his mouth and licking the pastry off his fingers. you shook your head, chuckling to yourself. you looked back at the screen for a moment, and when you turned back to look at carlos, he was gazing out the window. he seemed a million miles away.

“you alright?”

your head cocked to one side slightly as you asked him, observing the way his features creased into an expression of frustration and disappointment. he let out a heavy sigh, his eyes still focused on something in the distance.

“I’ve been thinking-“

“uh oh.”

carlos shot you a look, trying to hide a smile as he attempted a look that said ‘don’t interrupt, I’m trying to be serious right now’, but ended up delivering one that was closer to ‘you think you’re so funny, and you’re right, but shut up for a moment’.

“I’ve been thinking,” he paused for any offhand comments again, raising an eyebrow at you before continuing. “I really don’t know what I would do without you.”

you opened your mouth to say something that toed the line between sincere and pure outright teasing at how soppy he was being, but carlos continued before you had the chance.

“which is why I want to ask ferrari if you can come with me. next year. to be my race engineer at ferrari.”

the more he spelled it out for you, the more confused your expression became. it took a few moments to sink in, for you to process what you had just heard. a race engineer at ferrari? mclaren was an incredible starting point for your career, and you owed them a lot for taking a chance on you, but ferrari? isn’t it everyone’s dream to work for the ferrari? carlos must have read your expression like a book, because he let out a low chuckle, the noise vibrating in his chest.

“I didn’t want to go ahead with it before asking you. but it looks like I might already have your answer.”

your mouth hung open for a moment, the first time carlos had ever seen you lost for words.

“don’t get your hopes up.” he added, gently, “there’s still a high chance they could say no. it’s just- well, I would feel better knowing that you’re still on my team.”

you nodded, still slightly dumbfounded.

“I- that would be, well, yes!” you eventually managed to stammer out, earning another deep chuckle from carlos, and a broad grin that made your heart do backflips in your chest.

taglist: @itsjustkhaos @bicchaan

comment/message if you want to be added!

[chainedupgirlsblog]

✎ Commentary of Ep 7 ~ The Loyal Pin (Thai GL-2024) - Part 2

In life I only aspire to be as forward and well-spoken as Pin. Such a classy lady! Very demure, very lady like of her to reject this man for the nth time being this polite and calm! (Could never be me!) I love her so much, it was so nice to hear and read this, and to witness! You tell him queen!

Anil might be a princess but she bag herself a ✨queen 💅🏼✨

Let’s continue with this episode!

THE AUDACITY OF THIS MAN???

Pin was flabbergasted, gagged, confused is an understatement. And so was I.

Exactly! I made that exact same face Prik! The audacity of this man!

No. She will never love you. Leave 👏🏼 her 👏🏼 alone 👏🏼 Don’t even get me started on the starting a family part. Move! Remove yourself from my sight as well!

“Please kindly remove yourself from my sight and never return”

GODDAMN!! That’s the most polite go fuck yourself I’ve ever seen. That must’ve hurt. Serves him right tho! When is he gonna learn???

Wish I could say he finally understood, but from spoilers of furthers episodes and the trailer itself I guess the fuck not. The man is insufferable!

Not Pin complaining to Anil’s most loyal supporter and calling Anil, Prik’s Princess when she’s mad at her little girlfriend for not writing her more letters hahaha

And Prik getting right back at her with that comment of haven’t she won both your heart and your… and Pin panicking right there and then ahaha please they’re so funny.

As a side note I must add Freen’s deep voice (when Pin snap at Prik) still hunts me at nights 🥴

THE LETTERS!!!

I might die alone and single after this! Cuz what do you mean this level of romance doesn’t exist anymore???? The softness, the yearning, the handwritten poetry???

Why is it always “I like you. You’re good” and never “Please accept the caresses of my lips on your left cheek, right cheek and your forehead” Why????

How am I supposed to settle down for less than this Emily Dickinson level of poetry??? 😭😭😭

She’s fighting destiny, deadass throwing fits at morpheus for not allowing her dream about her amorcito. My little Princess is so cute 😭😭

A year has passed already! We’re moving fast!

THE GIFTS!! Love all the precious gift they gave each other, they were so meaningful! You could see they absolutely love them.

We know how much Pin loves collecting small little souvenirs from her princess so I can only imagine how much she appreciates the gifts Anil so thoughtfully gave her. She had them made! The Princess is not joke!

“All I want is for you to return to my arms” Nevermind! She doesn’t want gift she just wants her girl back in her arms!!! 😭😭😭

We have one more year to go, be strong sweeties. We can do it!

Oh, she goes to her room every day. Every. Single. Day! Oh to be loved like that!

Such a beautiful scene, them laying down in the bed facing each other as the intertwine their fingers. It’s all in Pin’s head but it’s just so lovely!

And then that little hugging scene where Anil imagine Pin warming her up with the scarf she made herself for her. Ahhh it’s all just pure love and romance! Love it so much 🫶🏻

Then we have another sequence where Pin tells Anil about her new job as a translator and isn’t it amazing how much they’ve grown?!

We also have another small time jump and we see Pin complaining to Prik again about the lack of letters from Anil. Prik tries to reassure her it’s probably because the princess is too busy finishing school and she’s not far off the truth.

Pin goes on which I guess is her daily walk visit to the Pine Palace and she misses her princess so bad she starts hallucinating her there. (Pin, sweetie 🥺)

But guess what? Pin hallucinated so strong that she actually brought Anil back!

The Princess is right there behind her and I can’t wait to see Pin lose her lady like marbles! Hahaha

.

.

.

.

Another great episode. I love this show so much <3 I’m still catching up (sadly not fast enough) But I’ve watched till ep8, so that commentary should be posted soon. Here’s Part 1

[crepuscularious]

gentleman

im back, bitches! apparently not a lot of you know that im a swiftie lmfaoaoaoa, so heres something cause slut is my absolute favorite its a fuckin' masterpiece

also, am i the only one who thinks that "in a world of boys hes a gentleman" means something else, lol. cause like this dude is in a group of boys, within those group of boys, but if he's in a group of men its a complete different story?!!??! if that makes enough sense.

one more thing, my short stories arent based on the song itself, its based on one line of the song. a lot of you were confused with my mad one and that it was different from what ne-yo was trying to say in the song. i hope this clarifies it :>

just a quickie for tonight, i feel so lonely hahaha... i should probably get a life

miguel x reader (mostly fem)

"everyone wants him, that was my crime. wrong place at the right time and i break down, then he's pulling me in"

youve been dating miguel for some time now, lets just say your relationship wasnt exactly... perfect

who were you to judge!? he was spiderman, so many females with different ages have looked up to him not only because of his heroicness, but as well as his physique, i mean have you seen that domino chip build?

you didnt mind at first, its not like you werent one of his fangirls before meeting him too, right? but no, you were starting to get pissed, no lie.

this caused a bit of a ruckus between the relationship of the two. a little screaming and shouting at the middle of the night when miguel forgot to tell her that he'd might need to patrol late at night again, or when she saw a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes kissing the masked man on the cheek on t.v! it didnt help when miguel had both his thumbs up and showing it to the camera before swinging away.

"mi vida, please! i told you im sorry. it was only for show, you know that!" miguel said, wrapping his arms around her waist as he places his chin on her shoulder while she was cooking dinner

"i didnt know that i dated a celebrity and not a hero then" you coldly said, turning off the stove and getting only one plate "i already ate dinner, eat without me" you said

but she hates it when someone is eating by themselves miguel thought to himself with a pout. he messed up, big time.

"mi vida, por favor" miguel said, shooting a web at her wrist to prevent her from leaving "im sorry, its my fault. i should have known better than to enjoy the kiss" miguel said, hugging his girlfriend tight

"i only like your kisses" miguel said as he snuck a quick peck on her cheek "maybe this isnt going to work, miguel. between the two of us" she said

this made miguel look at her with sad and torn eyes, "mi amor? im sorry if i was a bit overboard today, i understand my mistakes and i promise to correct them." miguel said, looking into your eyes with nothing but honesty as he holds both of your hands in his

"i know what i did was an ass mistake, and i understand if youre mad. but mi corazon, dont give up on us. i promise ill be better next time, ill know my limits" he said, his hands releasing from yours as he transfers then into your face, cupping it with his huge hands.

he gives you a quick peck on the nose and smiled "i love you, 3000" he said "please forgive me, lets work this out, i dont want us to end'

"you know, miguel. in a world of boys, youre a gentleman"

[avionvadion]

Please please please please please please please please !I beg you! please please please please please Please please please please please please please please please please

More of your Toga(inu no taisho)x oc pleaaaseee 😩 You fed me something I didn't even know I needed so much!

P.s.I love your art you have evolved a lot over time especially with the coloring and shading.

YESSSSSSSSSSS MORE TOGA AND ILIANA HERE WE GO

They're just a silly rom-com couple and honestly I love that for them.

Also, awwww~~~ thank you!!! <3 It definitely helped that I switched from doing art with a computer and mouse to an actual cintiq and pen.

Do they speak each other's languages? Absolutely not. Toga figures hers out pretty quickly, though, so he understands everything she's saying even if she doesn't fully understand everything he's saying, which he finds fairly amusing because she doesn't know he can understand her, but it does get frustrating after a while when all his attempts to court her fly over her head.

He gifts her a proper kimono to replace the one that got ruined when she was injured by a wild random demon in the nearby woods. (Legit though I can imagine him vanishing for a couple hours than coming back with like a dead boar or rabbit for dinner and she's just like: "You know you're gonna have to gut that for me, right?" And he's just like : "Really, human." and she's just, "I don't. Know how. To gut. Mammals." "How have you survived this long on your own?" "I. DON'T. KNOW. HOW. TO- oh, you're gutting it. Thanks!")

Anyways, at some point after Toga heals he probably vanishes temporarily (and even if he tried to tell Iliana he'd be back she probably wouldn't understand) so she thinks he just kinda... abandoned her. Which is fine. It's totally fine. She didn't get used to him being around all the time or anything, she's not lonely with him gone, hahaha... ha... It's not like he's her only friend or the only person she's ever actually talked to in this insane world or anything... haha...

Double anyways, Toga comes back (probably shows up just in time for some bandits to try and hide in the cave/attack Iliana) and Iliana is both mad and relieved because she missed him but also she totally thought he just abandoned her, and while she's telling him off he kisses her.

Her brain does not compute the affection.

[daphnebowen]

percy jackson and the olympians tv show episode 2 thoughts

again, just copying my original thoughts from last week 😭😭 lots of rambling, screaming, and general freaking out ahead!

Literally the whole first part of the episode I was sitting on the edge of my seat wondering “is annabeth going to say it? is she going to say percabeth’s iconic line?? I will be so incredibly disappointed if she doesn’t” and then SHE SAID IT SHE SAID IT OMG I LOVE HER and Percy’s reaction lol “huh?”

dude Dionysus is actually perfect “PETER JOHNSON IS HERE” man I am so looking forward to all of their banter

uhhh not me saying chiron’s name wrong for five plus years now and only now finding out it’s KYron and not CHEEron *sobs*

the whole thing with mr d saying he’s Percy’s dad was so funny I was cackling the whole time lol and not Percy ACTUALLY believing him and then Chiron shows up and it’s like “uh wait a minute hold on”

okay it is totally weird realizing that none of these people know who Percy’s dad is or what he can do but everyone watching (or mostly everyone I’ll say) does UGH I FEEL OLD

the music growing scarier as Luke approaches ACK FORESHADOWING he’s kinda cute tho I love his hair

i absolute adore how they made Percy mad about the injustice of the unclaimed at this young age not just as a fifteen year old and I freaking LOVE that for him

Clarisse is amazing, perfect, and gorgeous in every single way

DEMIGOD IN A WHEELCHAIR ALERT 🚨

“is there a greek god of disappointment? maybe someone should ask him if he’s missing a kid” dude I feel bad but the way I lost my mind - walker’s comedic timing and inflection was on point

AND THE FACT THIS GUY HAS AN ANSWER BAHAHAH

OMG WAIT THATS CHRIS AS IN… CHRIS CHRIS??? CLARISSE’S CHRIS??? CHRISTOPHER FREAKING RODRIGUEZ?? AHHHHH

percy is breaking my heart bro praying to his momma and everything it’s ok honey

YES THE BATHROOM SCENE that was lowkey kind of anticlimactic…

ANNABETH YAY

the fact that she just calmly admitted she’s stalking Percy and he’s just like “okay” onto the next thing lmao

was it just me pronouncing Thalia’s name like TAlka and not THAlia like how it’s spelled *sobs* I am really bad at this apparently

luke is making it really hard for me to remember he’s a bad guy, he’s so charming and sweet!

YES CAPTURE THE FRICKIN FLAG LESGOOOO

”sunshine” IS SO CUTE I CANT IM FANGIRLING Annabeth is everything I ever imagined her to be

NOT PERCY FLOSSING OH MY

AND SINGING ROBIN HOOD AND LITTLE JOHN RUNNIN THRU THE FOREST OR WTV HES PERFECT I CANT

percys battle instincts are JAW DROPPING that fight scene was perfect

dude that claiming! Honestly didn’t picture the trident being so big but I think it kind of fits, bc how else is everyone 20 feet away gonna see it?

percy being so confuzzled when Mr d tells him he stole the master bolt is so funny “wHaT?!”

WHERE IS THE ORACLE BRUH

final thoughts: okay, that episode was PHENOMENAL! Camp half blood is absolutely gorgeous, the capture the flag scenes were perfect. Walker is crushing it as Percy and that was genius casting and I will say that till the day I die. I cannot wait for the third episode! my only complaint is, where’s the Oracle?? I genuinely want to hear the prophecy! because if she’s not here now then how’s Rachel gonna become the next oracle? I will hyperventilate bc perachel was so good for percabeth’s growth hahaha. I really really hope she’s in the next episode! I guess we’ll see!

haha thanks for reading my chaotic notes

[zaptrapp]

Ea’s Bad Batch Finale Rant

Here we go, doing this as I’ve done for ep.1. Of course SPOILERS AHEAD for the last episode (sigh, it’s all done and gone isn’t it?). Warning, this is going to be chaotic and emotional... so yeah, deal with it haha.

The intro… the eerie music… chills.

Is something bad about to happen or…?

Please leave Wrecker alone.

WRECKER NO

We are not starting on a good note, why’s Wrecker so beaten up???

This is not good, I’m not good.

I mean I know why, because of last ep beast, but c'mon why Wrecker...

“Clone Force 99 ended when Tech died” fuck If I’m not crying wow….

Crosshair shaking so much… nah I’m out already what the fuck is this.

Crosshair wanting to sacrifice himself, YO CHILL?!?

Hunter please discipline your children.

Dr. Hemlock x Rampart or did I just imagine the sexual tension?

But what if...

Enemies to lovers Dr. Hemlock x Rampart lmao please someone, anyone?

Kids please beat the shit out of miss Dr. PLEASE KIDS!

Omega being so smart, her character development, the courage! SLAY GIRLIE

FREE THE ZILLO YUP

now we're talking

"Is it Omega's or Echo's handiwork?".... "Omega's." LMAO they know Echo doesn't fuck around that much hahaha

Emerie i give you one last chance.

green kid I feel you so much, I'm also afraid of heights hahah

here we go with the Incredible 4 (aka the super clones? enhanced clones? brainwashed clones? whatever....)

they give off a lot of "Avengers Unite!" vibe

ready to slay aren't we?

When I said slay I didn't mean slay the bad batch, just to be clear.

annd Hunter is a goner

Annnnd Crosshair is a goner too i guess?

WHAT THE FUCK NOT THE HAND???

Creepiest point the show has ever been what the actual fuck is this supposed to be a children show?

Yup Wrecker is done too.

Yo the scene where Emerie and Echo see his squad being taken away. I got chills, you can fucking see his reaction, the shock.

ECHO SLAY YESSSS ECHO THE OG ARC TROOPER HERE WE GO

Emerie don't fuck this up and get those kids to safety thank you.

CLONE RESCUE HAPPENING RN I'M NOT GOOD

Nala Se and Rampart too?! slay

Omg Rampart stfu for one second or just go away you're useless anyway

Not the squad being tortured

HUNTER NOOOOOOO

"We'll survive, but you won't" -> OOOOOOHHFFFFFFUUUUCK

Hunter be mine

Oh wow Nala Se I see where you're going with this.

Kamikaze?

Too bad we didn't have more Hemlock x Rampart interactions, boyfriend died, sad.

Aaaaaand 2 are down.

Bye Rampart and Nala Se, you actually were on my dead bad batch bingo list.

Rest In Peace Nala Se🙏🏻 you got redeemed.

Rest in Sass you bitching ass imperial Rampart 🖕🏻

UH Hemlock this was such a bitchy thing to do.

and here goes the chaos

Wrecker is so fucking menacing. HE IS PISSED

OK WRECKER IS MAD MAD and also scary scary now…

Hunter with that spear makes me feel things.

Uhhh he got it coming from a mile away

And Clone CX-2 is down….

So, uhhhh…. That wasn’t Tech uh……

So….

Tech was….

….Dead dead?

Like actually dead this whole time?

Fuck.

ALSO WHERE THE FUCK IS COMMANDER CODY PLEASE RELEASE HIS FROM HIS CAGE

NO ECHO fuck god

“Take a shot everytime the bad batch is on the verge of getting killed”

-> not me being absolutely wasted and with my nerves asking for mercy

Please Hunter, Crosshair, kill that bitch ass Hemlock

major disney villain vibe in the storm with the hostage secured to his wrist yada yada...

"DROP YOUR BLASTERS" well well well

Why is Hemlock’s screaming voice kinda sexy tho

I'm so sorry for what I've just said.

WET HAIR HUNTER FUCKING THANK YOU I can die now

CROSSHAIR PLEASE bciakwnfbhc I’m dying too here

You can do it YES you can do it

Crosshar leaning on Hunter like he did with Tech in the clone wars season 7 HAHAHAHA YUUUUP I've been fed.

Uh that was personal

Guys... that's enough. Yup I-I think he's dead now. Yes, definitely gone. Uh, you can stop shooting, he's cold. He also just fell off a cliff... HE DEAD DEAD!

evil space imperial boyfriends reunited in hell

The way Omega chooses to hug Crosshair first, as a DadHunter! stan I feel a bit betrayed but comprehensible… he just saved her not missing the shot.

with one hand tooo, kudos

group hug I'm so teary

Wait so they did it?

THEY’RE OFF PLANET!??

AND THEY ALL SURVIVED?

Oh wow I bet my money on Hunter and Crosshair to die but I was wrong?? This is… refreshing.

Look at them kids!! And the clone cadets, and the rescued clones!!!

EMERIE AND ECHO YESSSS

Look at them all cozy and happy

Nah Echo my man where are you going?

Rex mention pt. 2 or something...

Rex should have been there in the finale but ok i guess... a bit disappointed but still

Nah Echo should have been there for the last shot.

It’s over uh?

look at them, finally happy and free. WE DID IT.

WAIT NO IT ISNT OVER YET???

Not the flash forward I cannot handle it

Ok Pabu!?

YOUNG ADULT OMEGA fuck yesssss

oh she looks awesome

IS THAT HUNTER'S BANDANA

deceased. dead on the ground. dead like hemlock.

NOT OLD HUNTER LIKE THIS IM DEAD ON THE GROUND DECEASED IM FUCKING CRYING OH WOW

OMEGA IS SO GROWN UP

She’s a rebel pilot

"You're our kid" I'M SCREAMING

he chose to be a dad, I knew it

She chose to keep fighting

TECH'S GOGGLES THIS IS SUCH A FOUL MOVE

They should have included Wrecker and Crosshair in this where are they??

But also it’s as it began, Hunter and Omega and their father-daughter bond

“Bye dad, imma be a pilot and save the galaxy” aka “imma move out from the basement and live on my own”

Oh Hunter you’re an old man now…. My heart is aching but also it means he got to live a peaceful life until the rest of his days.

the beard, the long hair, the gray hair.... i wonder how crosshair and wrecker are doing? and echo?? and howzer? AND CODY?

like you cannot leave me like this? hello?

This is gone full circle now.

Well….

Goodbye Bad Batch! It’s been a pleasure!

(I’m still crying)

[neve-gallus-girl-detective]

to add in my two cents, the social media pages liking and interacting with jemily posts means absolutely nothing! it’s literally their job to interact with popular posts in the fandom and that person, or people, may actually ship jemily, but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to be canon. for some reason, fans (especially younger ones) don’t realize that the people who run the social media accounts have nothing to do with the writers and the showrunners. getting mad at the social media accounts about the ultimate jemily moment or begging them to make jemily canon does literally nothing except spread negativity. 17x06 was a great episode, and i like that it’s obviously about their friendship but can totally be interpreted as romantic if you want. i may like to joke about wishing the moment was a full hour-long episode of sloppy jemily make out sesh but obviously that wasn’t going to happen and people were deluding themselves if they thought it was. the moment was honestly everything we (or at least i) could’ve hoped for in giving us a jemily moment and keeping it realistic with the rest of the show

-🐙

Yeah, it's totally just their jobs hahaha

I loved the episode! There's plenty there for shippers, but also it's just a really nice acknowledgment of the depth and breadth of their friendship. They're ride or dies and like Emily needed to be reminded that she isn't the only one who's suffered, you know? And like JJ's strength is admirable, and Emily can find inspiration in that. JJ has an unwavering belief in Emily, and that lets Emily believe in herself!

[torialefay]

Thank you for saying what ive been thinking omfg.

Chris does everything he can. There's very few people in kpop that exudes the vibe that they love music and making music as much as he does. Being an idol is what he worked so hard to get and im pretty sure hes implied time and time again and even explicitly said that he wouldn't want to live if he couldnt be an artist (and that bleeds into shy he loves the kids so much, but thats veering off topic). Im just constantly baffled how many people want him to throw it all away (bc idk how harsh jype would punish him), you know, just tossing out his reason to live, to talk about the war. Yes, absolutely. There are so, so many people dying because of this war, and its truly horrifying, but how many people screaming at him are willing to do what they're demanding of him and the kids? I always see people talking numbers and statistics, but rarely do i ever see someone talk realism. There are plenty of people who could spend their time going out to find ways to help Palestine instead of going online to yell at 8 men who got famous for their music and anyone who supports them. Some of yall have never listened to "antivist" by bmth and it shows.

Yeah, Chris looked so tired in that recent clip and just in general tbh (same for the rest of the kids). Everytime i see a clip of Chris when he said "im going to protect every single one of you" or when hes being super flirty and trolling or recently when he said he cant fix all of their problems, i just think "this man is going through what i went through, just 5 years later than i did." I literally have done all that, but instead of to a massive fanbase, it was to my friends, lmao. Being fiercely protective and wanting your friends to feel comfortable enough to lean on you, especially since they've been so good to you, but its turned into exhaustion bc you met some people who took mad advantage of your love and now youve gotta set some boundaries and limits. Unfortunately, he's an idol, so setting hard boundaries can be difficult without someone saying he's too cold and uncaring with fans or something bc we know just how fair the media can be when it comes to Chris🙄 i aint know him personally and never will, but if my interpretation of those clips are true and if this trend continues, he'll hopefully find peace and a decent balance with mental health in about 5 years time🥲

i really REALLY hope so. i'm not gonna lie, it surprised me like a week or two ago when chris said on bubble: "i feel like my enfj is slowly becoming intj hahaha". literally going from what is supposed to be one of the most expressive & involved mbti's to one that is most associated with being less interactive and more reserved/cold when meeting people. i don't want to say intj's are hardened, i don't think it's like that. but maybe that they just have a harder shell. which makes me really sad. it makes me think he's getting so burnt out by being the one that's always there for everyone that he's slowly needing to draw back to himself.

i hope that whatever happens, he's becoming his most genuine self. but i also hope that he isn't turning one way or another simply because of what's been expected of him. he's so good to us & it hurts to think that he'd have to change bc of stays. but if it's not due to that, then i'm happy that he's doing what he needs to do & i hope he can feel okay with setting boundaries for himself 🫶🏼