#haha I hate myself
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guys i’ve been sad since i was 5 i think im stuck this way idk tho
#i’m severely depressed#depression relapse#haha i hate myself#i want to kms#should i end it#trauma#mentally unstable#mentally sick#i am not mentally well#tw depressing stuff#i want to be okay#mental abuse#tw depressing thoughts#manic depressive#depressing life#depressing shit#my life is a joke
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Already had a mental breakdown in the bathroom, great start to the week/sarc
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gave up on the homework he can sit in my lap and talk in my ear if he wants
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Stop Feeling Anxious and Inadequate While Applying for New Jobs Challenge!! Impossible!! Had to give up after the first try!! Not click bait!!!
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you tend to go blow through it pretty fast when you're doing 50mg lines
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TW
New Year New Me!
(actually Commits the suicide this time)
#tw suicide#tw self harm#tw#all the tws#drunk thoughts#oh lord he drunk again#found in my drafts#haha i hate myself#'this is gonna be my year!*' (*year i kms)#i hate new years and i hate my birthday and i hate everyone and i hate myself and#i just feel like if this is what living was supposed to hurt like it I wouldve gotten used to it by now#it's long overdue
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Haha I feel really weird. That usually means i'm in the beginning or end of a dpdr episode, and I can't tell which anymore 🤪
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Sorry I can never live in the moment, I don't feel privileged or worthy enough to do that, I find living in any memory so much more comforting. Because that is all that's left of me and that's the only way I truly feel alive, collecting every single picture is like slowly collecting pieces of me back after I shatter and get skinned on my walk home after I visit the mountains and a monster chooses to live inside and replace me
#mb didnt mean to annoy you by it or anything#you do you but me personally i cant help being what i am#// maple#this blog is just years of covering the slow erosion of my mind and stability#haha i hate myself
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I don't know what I did wrong. I don't know why he gets to be happy and perfect and together with him, and I'm left behind drowning is misery until I can't breathe. Is this supposed to be fair???
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the sexual tension between me and a bullet in my head
#i want to feel death#mentally unstable#i wanna kms#tw depressing stuff#depression relapse#tw sh destructive behaviour#tw vent#ed vent#haha i hate myself#i want to be okay#tw depressing thoughts
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Lmao I've been relating a lot to Leo Valdez recently
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Can I have a glass of creativity? I'm so thirsty haha
Oh, and I'll have the motivation with a side of inspiration! I haven't had that in a longggg time hahaha
I hate myself
#my silly thoughts#my order#restaurant order#give me attention#im mentally unstable#no motivation#no creativity#no inspiration#art block#writing block#burnout#I WANNA MAKE STUFF#pls let me create#haha i hate myself#i need to stop procrastinating#mental illness#recovery#mental health#healing#clean#i was better when i was ill#at least i was creating back then#creativity comes from mental illnesses#insanity#i wish i created mkre when i was still insane#insane in the membrane#insane in the brain#im not mentally stable#hehe#please love me
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???: "Of course! That's why Ratio's betrayal was one of the keys to your plan. I have to say, that doctor's acting was superb."
Aventurine:
(idk what story part this is from, but I have screenshots).
#me when I go crazy over “haha yeah but like does he actually hate me unironically? I'd hate myself too haha i don't blame him”#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr aventurine#aventurine#aventurine honkai star rail#AGH YOU DON't understand... i love aventurine so much.#RRRGHHHH#hsr spoilers
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enough of drawing ink happy- ink emo time
#joking btw#i just got inspired to draw angst and couldn't stop myself#ink sans#ink!sans#toffeesdoodles#emetophobia#cw emetophobia#ink dont hate me still love you haha#my art had been feeling stiff lately so i tried try something newish#hes okay guys#i swear :)#cw implied death#angst#guys he brocken *insert heartbreak emoji here*
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It was Maid Day today yesterday a week ago so I got struck by inspiration to draw the worsties, and it ran away from me into a whole AU where they’re coworkers at a maid cafe. She’s a med student & this is just a part time job, and this is his depression job while he gets his life back together. He needs something he can be workaholic about to forget what it’s like having a personal life and personal issues. He’s actually the accountant, but the new hire janitor (Izutsumi) doesn’t show up for half her shifts and is a sloppy worker, so he gets the extra work of doing her job on top of his because he’s undervalued and overworked. Of course, janitors also have an uniform to keep the aesthetic cohesion as they go about cleaning the place, of course.
Senshi’s the part time cook you only see slivers off, he’s kind and warm when you do see him and have a chat but most shifts he’s in and out the kitchen without a trace. Laios and Falin are regulars because Falin and Marcille are besties & in the same med school, Laios accompanies Falin as she visits her friend at work and gets hooked on the food. Chilchuck has to remind Marcille to work instead of chatting with Falin for an hour, and next thing he knows she’s distracting him from work too. That’s it that’s the AU. Inspired by this idol AU fanart a bit <3
This was not meant to be birthday gift but well…… Happy bday Chil!!!
Read from left to right
#Dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#Chilchuck tims#marcille donato#spoilers#dunmeshi au#Maid cafe au#Marchil#Workwife marchil save me. Kabuholm in the background bc i said so lmao#i think people forget marci n chil are coworker worsties first and foremost. Ppl should capitalize on it more#The orange hair swag that makes him look like a marketable idol more#You can tell idk how to draw maid outfits. I hate those hats sm I will miku miku beam them out of existence#Marcille does change her hairstyle everyday btw#they don’t get back together btw she goes you haven’t talked to me in 4 years and he immediately goes YOU haven’t talked to ME in 4–#i mean ehem i’m sorry haha… while Marcille is like 4 years?! 4 years…#Mei only did it bc Fler has been getting jittery again kept sighing#I wanted to draw Chil with a car key at his belt but it wasn’t meant to be#idk if marchil ever gets together in this one it’s an eternal summer coworker with tension situationship au#romance is when you slowly deteriorate his work ethics so he starts skipping on his worktime to spend it at the front messing around w you#once he’s blessedly in the office and he hears this huge crash and the Marci just goes ‘…… Chiiiiiil?’ cue sigh and having to repair#the coffee machine. So many lil comics i couldn’t indulge myself to draw save me#shoutout to the time as a cashier in training at a convenience store I was left by my coworker who was supposed to wash the greasy chicken#oven but didn’t so I had to clean it for the first time myself while I was alone in the store and was also supposed to man the front#Shoutout to my convenience store’s accountant helping us with cashier duties often when there was less job to do ty ty#Understaffed struggles are so real#People also call Chil a manager because the boss is most often away so he just does everything#There’s no union but maybe one day he’ll get to overthrow the boss idk#The pay IS good at least#Modern au
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beep beep im a sheep
speeddraw below the cut (audio warning)
song: "Cult of Dionysis" by The Orion Experience
#before anybody says anything i have never played cotl in my entire life and i dont plan to. but. crow showed me some narilamb art#and i. well.. HMMMMM kinda fruity if i do say so myself..#also i wanted to play around with the lambs design and had fun basing their outfit a little on crusader armor. mostly the cloth in the fron#i dont think id last 10 minutes playing cotl. partly because i suck at strategy games and not hugely drawn to roguelike games#and partly because i think i would cry real tears if i had to sacrifice someone despite fully knowing theyre nonsentient npc characters#i must admit i think the world and gameplay mechanics are interesting.. havent watched any playthroughs but ive been skimming thru the#wiki pages. kindareminds me of binding of Isaac but i dont have the patience for those kinds of games sadly#also apparently u guys are getting a sex update so i feel like ill be in full blast of whatever comes out of that#i might draw god of death lamb because i kind of have an idea of what their horns would look like. but im gonna hate drawing an outfit ugh#noooo dont usurp god and reap destruction for generations to come youre so sexy haha#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl lambert#cotl fanart#my art#myart#videos#speeddraw#progress art
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