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kelin-is-writing · 2 months ago

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Endeavor is not the only one to blame for ruining the family. Rei is equally to blame for ruining the family as well. She is a completely TERRIBLE and SHIT mother. Has done absolutely NOTHING for her kids. She neglected Dabi, Fuyumi and Natsuo. Willing to replace her own son by creating another kid. That fucked up. Had creepy disturbing thoughts against her own kids just coz they look like their father. Getting slapped is no fucking excuse to further neglect all of her kids by running away and abusing Shoto. As a mother she has no responsibility whatsoever. Rei is no victim. Rei is an abuser who got what she deserved. There's no point in complaining about Endeavor all the time but glorifying Rei. Both are equally bad parents. If you still don't realise that then please don't be a mom. #FuckRei #WorstMotherEver #KillRei

Okay, first of all how about you calm down? We don’t even know each others, but you come into my inbox asking for a not so civil discussion? Yooooo 😂😂😂

And you know what? Yes, Endeavor is entirely to blame actually because everything that happened is a consequence of his big ass man actions and yes, Rei wasn’t a good mother (Nobody said the contrary), but at least she tried unlike someone else who was way too self-absorbed to see anyone else aside from his egotistical self and his selfish goal.

“She neglected her kids”, Well of course she did! Every 2/3 business days she was busy popping out kids like a children machine and not being able to say anything back, otherwise her good-for-nothing and abusive “Husband” would beat her up and blame everything on her. Oh! What a coincidence! Just like how you did right now! Crazy, right? 😃

But what some of you peoples in this fandom fail miserably to grasp, because blinded way too much by whatever you see in Endeavor (or just because you guys like to Victim Blame), is that when the Himura’s sold her to Enji, Rei was prolly underage. Why underage? Easy. Enji is 45 when he’s introduced, while Touya is 24 right? 45-24= 21 and since ALL the married couples in Bnha have a 4 years gap (go check it on their Wikis mwah) and math isn’t an opinion: 21-4= 17 everyone! Wohoo. Right?

Rei was sold to the Todoroki’s when she was underage, but not only that… Enji has groomed her for years, then he started to spiral over greed, fame and power after he found out his child couldn’t achieve for him something that he can’t achieve on his own, because he’s a useless and self-centered beast.

Unlike him who is a whole ass adult when Touya is born, Rei is extremely young AND has become a mother for the very first time so without the guidance and the emotional support of someone who has already been a parent before her, I find it hard to for a woman to deal with both postpartum depression and rising a child alone the way she did at fucking 17 guys. And she has dealt with this over and over for four-freaking-times; Natsuo and Shoto’s ones were even worse because from the scenes alone (manga speaking) you can clearly tell Enji has forced himself on her for the last twos, furthermore Enji beats her up and from Fuyumi, Natsuo and Shoto’s reaction you can tell it wasn’t the first nor the last time since it has gone to the point where Rei was traumatized so bad that she started hallucinating of Enji’s gaze in her kids’ eyes made her have a mental breakdown. That’s how much he has abused her. All this because her husband was too focused on grooming first his wife and then his kids for the sake of a goal he didn’t have the balls to try reach by himself and projecting his insecurities on his family, because he isn’t enough of a man and pisses in his pants only at the mention of All Might’s name. I can’t take such a subject seriously, if I gotta be honest.

Mind you, this madness continued even after Touya’s death. It was during that arc, after she had dealt with four postpartum depression, depression, the pain of the knowledge that her husband has abused her mentally, physically and sexually and the death of her 13 years old son that everything went downhill for her; yet some of you guys act surprised when she had a mental breakdown? Rei had been in a constant state of brainstorming since Natsuo’s birth, if not even earlier, until she didn’t broke down completely after Touya’s passing. So yeah, maybe she wasn’t the best mother for the Todoroki siblings, but ever since she gave birth to Touya, Rei has been trying her best to be there for them and at the same time preserve her sanity. Because in a situation where she had to deal with four kids and a manchild, someone had to try and keep a semblance of balance in there even if she was one of Endeavor’s victims who’s mental health was being destroyed by a lot.

As I already said, some of you guys in this fandom lack a great amount of emotional intelligence and dare I say most of you lack depth too. I don’t expect you guys to be the most empathetic peoples in the world, really, I don’t, but this is a tad bit too much. Do you guys even try to look beyond your own noses anymore? Or has that gone out of fashion?

Also, what’s this new trend of Victim Blaming peoples who came out of an abusive environment? That’s so… Ambiguous…

Anyways! All this didn’t end for good until the whole of Japan found out his son is a Villain and he waited to beg for forgiveness (something he should’ve done sooner), only when everyone has been caught into the hurricane and almost got offed entirely as a family, which is (if you ask me, since you in my inbox) the most unattractive thing a man of his big ass age could ever do.

Everyone, stay away from peoples who lack accountability and self-awareness, because they’re going to play your mental health like a fidget spinner bubs 🫶🏻💜

Last but not least: if you want to talk this way to me and especially about such topics that bad, don’t do it on Anonymous because I will hardly take you seriously.

All this being said and cleared out of the way, hope you have a good evening 💜

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tiredmetalenthusiast · 4 months ago

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To Start Anew (TF141xLATA!Reader) Ch.4

Whooo sorry for the wait ya’ll! Summer is kicking not only ass but my internet’s ass! Here is chapter 4! Ya gurl has a breakdown and the guys check in on her!

Warnings: Language, breakdown, crying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The room was absolutely stunning! A veranda for you to sit and watch the sea, a short walk away from the room was the private beach, the bed was definitely big enough to fit two people and your brain suddenly can’t help but think of bringing someone into that bed for a night. You deserve to have fun while you’re here and you plan to!

The bathroom was pristine with a large tub, dark marble on the counters encompassed in tan wood. “I have to send a video to mom and dad!” You start up a video call with your family to show them the room and the view. “Oh honey it's beautiful! Such a lovely place to stay for 2 weeks!” “Oh I wanna see!” You hear your sister chime in the background before she crowds into the call. “The place has a private beach too and a pool with a restaurant next to it!”

”Well I’m more interested in the very handsome men hanging around by the pool!” You laugh as your mom and sister start to ogle the men and turn the phone away. “What!? I wasn’t done looking! No fair!” “I’m sure they don’t want someone gawking at them while they swim and relax!” “Well I mean, they are pretty good-looking. That big fella with the face mask looks like he could be a good time.” “OH MY GOD DAD!”

He laughs at your now red face as you distantly hear your sister say to have fun and to let her know all the dirty details if you snag one of the men. “No! Jesus Christ they’re on leave! I don’t wanna bother them! They are nice because we chatted at the airport but they came to relax!” “Well dear I don’t think they’d be too opposed to…having some fun as well if you catch my drift!” “Perverts all of you! I’m gonna take a shower and take a nap!” Your family laughs before wishing you well with a promise to call later.

Sighing, you hook your phone into the charger and grab a change of clothes. You definitely need a nice hot bath and a nap, you deserve it. As you undress and step into the hot water, you feel the tension leaving you all at once, practically sinking into the tub. The groan that leaves your throat is nothing short of graphic. ‘I really needed this.’ The thought comes fast and the tears follow as you fall into your sad thoughts again, it was only a day ago after all since the worst day of your life happened.

“Stupid fuckin bastard! If he didn’t want to get married why the fuck did he propose?!” The tears are cool as they stream down your cheeks as opposed to the heat surrounding your body. “Should have fuckin known.” A shudder runs through you as a sob breaks past your throat and you scrub at the tears to get them to stop, though it is futile. You sit and cry in the tub for a good while before calming down enough to clean yourself and rinse off before stepping out.

As you wrap yourself in the fluffy bathrobe you remember that you wanted to order champagne. Just as your hand is on the phone you think mimosas sound a lot better and order the champagne and oj to be sent to your room with the engraved glasses his dad had ordered. Maybe you could just break his, maybe you could use it as a weird roleplay toy, the possibilities are there and ultimately you decide against the roleplay usage and plan to just shatter it if they bring it.

-With the guys-3rd person-

It was still bright outside as the 141 men were enjoying the pool at the hotel. “Do ye ken the little lady is okay?” Gaz sips his drink as he shakes his head, “Nah mate I don’t think so. She still seemed pretty pissed when she was talking to us about it at the airport.” The other three nod in agreement. Becoming alert at the sudden sounds of yelling and shattering glass.

They turn towards the woman’s room. She’s standing, that much they can tell, her sobs however are loud and they continue to watch as she falls to her knees. Her wails of sorrow are not for their viewing pleasure and they really should be minding their business. “Alright time to go see if she’s okay.” Price stands from his lounge chair, drinking down the last of his whiskey before making his way to her room.

It almost seems concerning for the four of them that anyone can access someone else’s room simply by walking far enough. Simon, Johnny, and Gaz follow suit. As they approach they see her seated on her bed, wine glass in hand as she scrubs at her eyes. “Everythin a’right?” The suddenness of Simon’s voice startles her as she shoots up, almost spilling her wine on her dress.

”Woah, woah, easy. Sorry for the fright, we just heard the yelling and the glass shatter. Wanted to make sure you were good.” They watch her take deep, calming breaths. “Oh my god! You guys scared the shit out of me!” Hand on her chest as she calms down, sniffling as she takes a sip of her drink. “So…are ye alright?” She sighs and sits again.

She gestures for them to sit as well and they all grab chairs. “Uh…yeah. Yeah I think I’m good now. Sorry for the uh, noise. Just working through the emotions.” Simon looks around the room. Nothing looks broken as far as the decor goes. “What broke then?” She looks at an empty corner of the room, broom leaning next to it. “Oh that. My ex’s dad paid for engraved wine glasses and I…decided to break his. Felt good.” The guys nod in understanding before they see realization cross her face.

”God I’ve been so fuckin rude to you guys since we met. Dumping all my trauma on you, being overly cautious of you guys. Fuck I’m not even a good host! Do you guys want a drink or something?” The concern is so real on all four of the guys’ faces it seems to stall her, the steam running out of her as she puts her glass down and puts her hands in her face. “Ya wanna talk about it?” She shakes her head. “No. No it’s fine I…I’ve impeded enough. Sorry for the noise guys, I’ll try to be quieter. Was getting ready to leave anyway to go explore.”

She gets up or wash her face and apply her makeup. “Okay welp…see you guys later? Have fun with your stay!” The guys stand stunned as the door closes behind her, before they shake it off and head back for the pool.

Tag list: @cumikering @devcica @catmouseggy

#~Harley finally writes something🫣#Series: To Start Anew #simon ghost riley #cod x reader #john soap mactavish #captain john price #cod mw2 #kyle gaz garrick #call of duty

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magewolf-the-artist · 8 months ago

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Domestic K-9: The Worst Pokemon Evolutions Ever

Oh boy, time to explore the ramifications of trauma and how it impacts people!

(Note: I do NOT have trauma or PTSD, although I've done a fuck ton of research on the subject for a different story and am applying the things I learned here. If anybody with any kind of trauma or PTSD spots any inaccuracies, please please PLEASE feel free to let me know. I wish to portray these issues with as much care and respect as possible)

So here I've display the three, I guess, stages of these fuckers. Life, the immediate response to, y'know, everything, and how they're holding up now. Except for Rosemary because I'm kind of an asshole to my blorbos. But obviously with Charles and Susan, they are not in any way "fixed" or even "healed" from their trauma, they moreso stabilized and got used to it. And now let's finally get into it!

SUSAN WOODINGS: So in life, Susan was generally closed off except for a select few amount of people and, while she could be snippy, she was actually pretty chill despite always looking like she wants to murder everybody in the general vicinity. Basically she looks a lot meaner than she actually is.

In death though, that's a completely different story. For the first year or so she had an EXPLOSIVE temper and would blow up over the smallest things, like a powder keg kept near sparklers. If the facility had a swear jar and money, she probably could've funded college for Sophie, Edd, AND Molly. She said many hurtful and cruel things to people she was close to (mostly Charles) that she now deeply regrets. It's all water under the bridge at this point but it still sometimes keeps her up at night.

As of the current point in the timeline, she's since calmed down quite a bit. She's less likely to snap over small shit unless it's Bon, to which she will gladly be just as bitchy as she was. She does have bad days though and is generally much more easily irritated and snippy.

CHARLES BROOK: In life, Charles is the ultimate dad. Easy going, friendly, very jokey, admittedly kinda naive, loves his kid. In death... well...

When they first got to the facility, he was an absolute wreck. He had resisted giving into Bon up until the point where he was starting to fade and, absolutely terrified of the idea of being Thanos snapped out of existence, reluctantly possessed the Boozoo animatronic. But even still he deeply regretted that choice. As well as that, he was extremely distraught about leaving his daughter and wife behind, on Lily's birthday no less, and that he was never found. He spent the first several weeks consumed by the intense misery and grief and was incoherent at best and delusional at worst. As previously mentioned, he got it into his head at some point that if he could just break down the walls, he could escape and constantly flung himself into the solid concrete walls. It didn't help that Susan wasn't terribly understanding and had little patience for this.

After a few weeks passed though, he began to stabilize and was generally able to recover a semblance of his goofy, friendly personality. That's not to say the trauma hasn't impact that though; he has to constantly distract himself or else he'll have a full on breakdown and desperately tries to change the topic whenever his death or his family is brought up. He and Susan have also since smoothed things over and Charles holds no resentment towards her now.

ROSEMARY WALTEN: Everyone's favorite sad mom!

So in life, Rose was generally kind, caring, humble, creative, and introverted, although she had come out of her shell since her younger years and was perfectly capable of being social.

But in death... hooooo boy, buckle up chucklefucks, 'cause this is gonna get SAD

As previously mentioned, Rosemary is a mess. Constantly crying, completely drawing into herself, rarely speaks to anybody but Rocket, and is unable to bring herself to do anything outside of draw, think, or cry. She's kinda just frozen in time, unable to stabilize like Charles and Susan, which is why she has no stage 3. The closest thing to that I can confidently say she's gotten is pouring herself into her art and caring for Rocket, but even still it's not much.

#the walten files #walten files #susan woodings #charles brook #rosemary walten #twf fanart #twf susan #twf rosemary #twf charles #twf #the walten files fanart #Domestic K-9

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harukapologist · 11 months ago

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sometimes, I think about the fact that Haruka has NOTHING in his real life. His father is clearly out of the picture, his mother is... you know, his classmates probably ignore (or bully) him IF he is in school currently which is a big if, and if Mirai is a real person (I'm one of the "Mirai is Haruka/a symbolism of a part of himself" truthers... I have more than one theory about his murder ok), she appeared to be the only person in Haruka's life whom he had a good relationship with... but she's dead. At his own hands' doing. And that makes me think about how that probably makes Haruka feel 10x more remorseful for his murder; he didn't kill someone of the many people in his life who treated him like trash, he killed the only person who cared about him, the only person he really had. To make matters worse in AKAA Haruka is shown to be having kinda a whole mental breakdown, I believe that the murder was an impulse decision when he wasn't in his right mind, at that time. So I can't help but imagine, when he comes back to his senses and calms down, and sees Mirai's dead body, realizing that not only is she gone but his hands will also forever be stained with her blood... sorry, I'm having a lot of thoughts about their relationship in the case that Mirai is a real person....

Mirai aside, this also makes me wonder what will happen at the end of milgram. Will Haruka just, go back to his shitty mom and awful life? It made me reconsider whether I want him to be inno in T3 or not (currently I still do plan on voting him inno) because if the outcome of being inno is returning to the outside world with absolutely zero changes made I absolutely don't want that... You could think about this for other prisoners too. If Mikoto went back to his regular life, he'll start killing himself working again. If Amane went back to her regular life, she'll probably get punished and we know how inhumanely cruel her cult is when it comes to punishments (a fucking taser... on a child...) I'm just going to keep thinking about my half-joke AU where the prisoners live together as a found family after kidnapping Haruka and Amane from their households

#i hc mirai as harukas sister btw. in the theory that shes areal person #haruka plsstop breaking my heart thanks #milgram #haruka sakurai #sakurai haruka #milgram project #i think its funny everyones talking abt mikoto interro and kotoko mv right now but im over here like GUYS HARUKA AND MIRAI #im waiting for deep cover mv btw i didn t see the trailer or leaks #i promise ill get to talking abt deep cover and mikoto after myexam i ppromise #milgram mirai #does mirai have a tag. mirai sakurai??? idk. harukas victim? idk we literallysaw her for like 5 seconds in weakness and akaa combined #but i lov e her mirai silly

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venus-celestial · 3 months ago

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Hello lovely Hotd fans the Genderbend Aegon poll ended just a few days ago and while it was close we have a winner so let me introduce to you

Alerie Targaryen

Ahhh I love her so much I decided to put her in a blue like alicent when she was a girl

I think instead of going into the street of silk and taverns I think she'd enjoy going to all the food vendors that are in kings landing I also think she enjoys engaging with the smallfork and this earned her the title The Realm's Sun

Here are some fun facts about her

Some more facts and just general lore about the au

°Otto keeps trying to marry her to lords twice her age (she absolutely despises him for it)

°She also has the bad habits of biting the inside of her cheek until it bleeds and pulling her hair

°When she was old enough she started helping take care of Helena and Aysanne (Aemond) And for the first two months after Danera (Daeron) was born People couldn't tell if she was the queens child or Aleries

° She's very skilled with a sword and has been training with Cole since she was 8 name days old much to the protest of her mother and Otto

° she doesn't care much for her father as he doesn't really pay her or her siblings any mind but that doesn't mean she doesn't have that type of relationship eventually (Harwin Laenor Daemon reluctantly)

° She's kinda touched strived in the sense that no one really hugs her she's usually the one hugging her sisters until her Jace Luke and Joff are born and they and she never goes a day without a hug (It's mostly Jace who makes sure of this)

° She takes her golden girl (Sunfyre Yes I've genderbent the dragon) For long flys over the water mostly at night as she thinks it's pretty and it's Also peaceful

° in general she really likes the water swimming is one of her favorite things to do and she's found a spot in the forest with a big tree that has a deep pound and a stream next to it

° She is eventually betrothed to Jace after his courting her without her really realizing it and Getting his mom and the king to agree to it (Alicent Also Agreed Otto is furious)

And now for some scenarios that I've imagined happening in this au

forgive me if anything is wrong I'm using a translator and the dictionary

Translations

[J: Here's my pretty girl)

[D: Older Sister Older Sister or just Sister Sister)

[A: Hello Sweet girl]

[R: it's ok your ok sweet girl]

[A: Older Sister or again just Sister)

Context for the first two

° Otto has decided to betrothed her to a lord much older then her and who lives quite far from kings landing Alerie is understandably terrified and wants nothing to do with her

° Alerie was upset and uncomfortable during a feast and went to hide away somewhere jace followed after her and decided to cheer her up ending in her flustered and giggling

Context for the other two

° Alerie was returning to her chambers from her lessons When Danera came running with Tessa right behind Alerie Skillfully scoped her up and they had a bonding day in her chambers

° Lrys was being himself and Alerie got so overwhelmed that she just booked it away and had a breakdown in a corridor Rhaenyra found her and brought her to her chambers and calmed her down

(Lrys was not seen for a month afterwards)

And lastly just for some cute details on the drawing

° The necklace and bracelets are from jace

° The chain is from Aysanne she had it made for Alerie's 18th name day

° Helena embroidered her dress and multiple others

° Danera Likes to paint Alerie's nails and painted them gold

Anyways I hope you guys love her as much as I do tell me what you think in the comments and if you have any ideas for this au let me know

#hotd #hotd au #house of dragon #house of the dragon #aegon ii fanart #aegon ii targaryen #genderbend #genderbend au #Genderbend Aegon ii #jacegon #jacaerys x aegon #hotd fanart

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edgessunflower · 2 years ago

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i would like to request Y/N being betrayed in a way. Maybe it's something like the Melissa Winters case, where Sara's friend betrayed her, or like Empty Eyes where Sara is holding the killer's hand, thinking he's innocent and wanting to comfort him, hoping his life can be saved, only to find out he's guilty. Or any other form of betrayal is fine. But, that happens, and Y/N is so hurt to the point of crying. Gil takes her home, and they cry in his arms. He holds them tightly, not letting them go, comforting them, letting them know that he is always there for them and he will never leave them. He will never abandon them, never turn his back on them, never betray them.

Absolutely dear!

Not your fault

Pairing: Gil Grissom x Fem reader

Description: After being betrayed by a childhood friend, you breakdown with gil by your side

Warning: Minor swearing and emotions

You walk into the interrogation room trying to keep tears back "What the hell?! It's you and it's been you the whole the time!" you yell as your friend Lisa sits across from Catherine. "You did all this and you knew who killed my mom and never told me! You covered it up and slept with him anyway!" you walk over to her as she looks at the table "Look at me damn it!" you yell tears flowing down your face as catherine put her hand on your shoulder "I'm sorry.." lisa says trying to hug you, "That doesn't take back what you did! That doesn't easily make me forgive you for any of this!" you say shoving her away as Warrick and Gil run in grabbing you as catherine calls a officer in to handcuff lisa "We've known each other since we were 3 we were friends you were there when she died and when me and my siblings went to live with my uncle and you've been around me all this time this past while knowing who killed her!" you yell and sobbing being taken into gil's office by him and warrick "It's okay we're gonna get her we're not giving up on this there's enough evidence to arrest her as an accomplice". You tremble and cry as warrick walks out to talk to catherine while gil gently grabs your arm helping you up "I'm getting you out of here so you don't have to see her being questioned about this" he says as you walk out to his car looking at the floor of the car as gil looks at you for a minute seeing how broken and defeated you were, you walk behind him as you go in his house standing in his room and he hands you clothes to change into walking out of the room to get you water while you change and try not to cry on the floor as he walks back in handing you the water while you sit on the bed drinking it slowly as he sits beside you. "You're hurting just get it out it's okay" he says as you put the water down looking at him as you just breakdown "I should've seen it I never thought out of all people it had to be someone I know especially her" you say as he gently grabs moving you to have your head on his chest with his chin on your head as you ran his hand in your hair and using the other to rub your back as you sob against him, you calm down as he whispers to you still holding you against him no longer trembling "I will never do that to you ever i will never abandon you, betray you, turn my back on you, or hurt you ever" he says as you slowly fall asleep as he kisses your head falling asleep holding you tightly knowing that you will always have him to be with.

#csi x reader #gil grissom x reader #csi #gil grissom

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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year ago

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Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers 💚💜

Damn Sandy’s trying to soft dom me into self love (joking and affectionate ❤️)

This is very very difficult for me to do, but they say fake it til you make it.

1. I’m a better mom than I had. I’m saying this with love for my own mom, and a deep understanding that she was in a position I hope I am never in, but also knowing that I did not have the childhood I deserved because of it. I work hard every day to make sure Liam gets attention and love and never questions that I’m proud of him and that sometimes you can take days to just be tired and that’s okay.

2. I’m not content. Let me explain this better because I feel like that’s a very negative sounding thing. I don’t like where I’m at and I’m working to change it. It’s really fucking hard and, especially lately, I feel closer to a breakdown than not, but I am constantly seeing the bigger picture and where I want to be and pushing through. I have never let myself settle even though it would be easy to and I’m going to keep going until I am content.

3. My strength. I may be 5’2 but let me tell you about being the muscle of my family 😂 An example: we had these railroad ties that separated our property and the neighbor’s that have been there for at least 30 years. They were rotted in some places, but in others, they were basically part of the earth. My dad managed to get up quite a bit on his own, but there was a solid 8 foot stretch that would not budge. I loosened it a little with the shovel, and then literally pulled them up with my bare hands. Like that Captain America scene where he rips the log in half? That but not as sexy because I broke a nail. I’ve got that going for me I guess 😂

4. My eyes. It’s the first and best compliment I get every time (I say as if I know how to take a compliment). They’re very blue, and if I happen to be wearing makeup (rare) they’re even MORE blue.

5. I’m funny as hell sometimes. Not all the time, but damn I crack myself up 😂 With that, I am the comedic relief in any and all situations. I am absolutely going to calm down a situation with humor any time I can. I like that I can almost always make people smile and laugh during times they may not feel like doing so.

This really took me all afternoon to do 🙃

#personal #Sandy out here making me cry real tears #in the good way #so lucky to have you as a friend ❤️

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absinthe-auncle · 1 year ago

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Late diagnosis autistic chiming in here to confirm that yes, parents learning to understand the needs of their autistic kid(s) is absolutely key.

My parents did not know I was autistic, so they never got any teaching on how to deal with my perceived eccentricities and issues. However, my mom had a very controlling parent and decided that she didn’t want that for me. My dad came from a family who didn’t understand his passions and hobbies and he wanted to be an active supporter in whatever I found joy in. So, they both listened. If I panicked and started crying suddenly, they would do their best to figure out what caused the breakdown. They learned that I couldn’t tolerate loud noises or heat and often didn’t realize when I was hungry. They learned I could happily hyperfocus on music-related or art-related things for hours on end and didn’t appreciate being suddenly yanked away from what I was focusing on. They learned that although I was far ahead of the majority of my peers in musical skills at a young age, I hated competitions and crowds. So, they adjusted.

When I was overwhelmed by sounds, my dad found that I could wear construction headphones and be fine for far longer. I would also calm down rapidly if removed from the noisy environment. When overheated, I simply needed to cool off and get some hydration and I’d be fine. A regular meal schedule and snacks on hand kept me from becoming terribly hungry without realizing it. I was allowed to decline multiple competition and recital opportunities, but happily continued my music studies on my own. They were still just as proud of me no matter how many or few people heard my music.

Looking back on my childhood, I’ve realized a lot of my parents’ solutions to my now-obviously-neurodivergent traits expressing themselves were the same solutions taught by programmes helping parents with autistic children. However, they never knew. It was entirely puzzled out by the trial and error of two people determined to love and nurture their child however different that child was from themselves. Of course mistakes were made. Of course there were misunderstandings sometimes. But they treated me with respect and love and a listening ear, and that is what makes the biggest difference. Every autistic child deserves that from their parents. Hell, every child deserves that, period.

This may just be my experience as an autistic person, but the kids I’ve nannied whose parent’s complain of ‘bad awful in cooperative selfish autistic behavior’ are… Not like that? At all?

Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.

So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.

I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.

Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.

Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ ‘Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ ‘Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.

I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.

Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)

I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.

They didn’t like eye contact either.

Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.

Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.

“But they never talked!”

No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.

So you know what happened?

My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. ‘Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. ‘oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an ‘up’ gesture. ‘you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. ‘oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.

“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.

1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.

2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.

Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.

I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.

To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.

And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.

Again, not speaking universally, here. I’m just saying. Sometimes social rules are bullshit, you know? People are people

#autism #actually autistic

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meditating-dog-lover · 5 months ago

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Autistic

Recently I've been battling pretty awful anxiety, which caused my entire skin to flare and turn red (I'm going to be honest and say that I've also been using a cleanser that has been drying and irritating and my face is red and peeling and I'm sure it made my hand eczema worse as well, but I'm not sure). I had a breakdown in front of my mom and sister. They are both in the psych field so they were trying to help me out and understand my behavior which has been so debilitating to me. They believe I might be autistic. And I believe it too. I'm not a psychologist, but I always knew something was psychologically "off" in me. For instance, I don't have much motivation to socialize and find hobbies, am always scrolling on my phone, am obsessed with having a strict schedule/routine and hate sudden surprises, panic over things other people would think are trivial, and cannot engage in activities that require a calm and relaxed mind because mine is always racing (meditation, mindfulness, affirmations, or reading).

I'm almost 30 and everything just clicked for me. I would have never suspected I was autistic. But again it is a spectrum and not a small set of characteristics. I have never been diagnosed and girls are less likely to be diagnosed with autism than boys. I went through a checklist of autism traits in women and I felt like a lot of them applied to me. My mom and sister also agreed. I've done a few self-assessment quizzes and did receive scores that categorize me as autistic.

I'm going to meet with a psychiatrist to do a screening. Because if I do turn out to be autistic, then it all makes sense. Every behavior I had and still have that I could not explain would start to make sense. The missing puzzle piece. I'm sure both the condition and masking behavior cause a lot of anxiety. Knowing something is "unconventional" but not knowing how to fit in and why it's "unconventional" makes me so frustrated and hopeless. I get anxiety outbursts and don't know what is causing them. So I'm left feeling not only anxious, but also confused which fuels even more anxiety. It is hell and I'm sure this is contributing to my eczema.

Stress/anxiety cause increased levels of cortisol and histamine. Cortisol levels peak in the morning, which explains why I had days where I would wake up first thing in the morning and would be the itchiest all day. My stress/anxiety are so passive also, I would even experience a flareup when I speak to someone and I become energetic and my heart rate goes up, from getting up and walking after sitting down for a long time, surprises, etc... This can all cause me to feel an itch coming. It's easy to blame flareups on allergies (some allergies absolutely do cause flareups), but it's most definitely also a stress response which does increase histamine levels in the body, mimicking an allergic reaction.

My mom says the only way my skin will clear is by reducing my stress/anxiety. Because that's what helped her 20 years ago. Something as simple as Reiki. I know not everyone's eczema is caused by anxiety, but it most certainly is for my mom and I. She spent years on steroids and allergy shots, and the thing that really helped her is stress and anxiety relief. I swear the medical industry wants us to be sick and rely on medication when they fail to explore things like diet, stress, and sleep. Because all of these can cause inflammatory conditions! Obviously relaxation won't cure cancer or an infection or an allergic reaction or any other condition that requires immediate medical attention. But it can be so ant-inflammatory and can help reduce the symptoms of chronic inflammatory conditions.

It all makes sense now, the autism, the anxiety. Everything. Growing up being neurodivergent with PTSD and a narcissistic and abusive dad was so stressful and was hell. I'm not surprised why I got eczema. I feel like I healed most of my PTSD (just working on health and social anxiety, the latter being a challenge if I actually am autistic). But despite that I still feel like something is "off" with me till now, especially with all the anxiety. And I doubt it's the PTSD. So it's likely the autism. I'm going to meet with a psychiatrist to perform a screening.

I'm surprised my old therapist (who really was an idiot) could not notice these signs. When she told me I should do socialize and me not wanting to and her asking "why not? you should try". I got so defensive and said no. I'm surprised it flew over her head. But again she wasn't that good of a psychologist.

I'm glad I dedicated time learning about this. I know this will help me heal a lot. Especially physically and mentally.

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servin-up-surveys · 2 years ago

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survey #129

What was the last thing that stressed you out or upset you? [TW: EATING DISORDER/SIMILAR BEHAVIOR] I had a breakdown at Girt's yesterday over how I'm being with food; I'd been basically starving for a while, like I was physically weak from it, but when I was presented with the opportunity to eat, I just emotionally collapsed because I still didn't want to eat because the longer I go without eating, the more proud of myself I am. I'm so fucking grateful for how helpful and reassuring his family was.

Are you more talented musically or artistically or neither? Artistically, for sure.

What were your best subjects in school? English/language arts, German, and art. I think my science grades were noteworthy all throughout at LEAST high school, too. The one thing I did struggle with/was absolutely never able to understand though was like, combining chemical formulas or whatever they were called. My physical science teacher (who today is our landlord/family friend) got such a kick out of how there was just this one topic that could NOT click in my mind, regardless of her explaining it to me one-on-one ten billion times. I was great at everything else, but with that stuff? My brain just turns the fuck off.

What was your favorite subject in school? ^ Actually those same ones. Oh, I did also take a mythology elective course in high school that I very much enjoyed, too.

What is the name of your YouTube channel? It's 0zzkat (zero, not an "o" bc it was already taken sobs)

What would your name be if you were the opposite gender? Coincidentally I asked my mom this two days back in a relevant convo at the tattoo parlor, and she said she didn't really know because with me and my sisters, she "knew" we were girls before it was officially discovered. She did say she liked the name Michael, though. Completely content with being Brittany and not Michael lmao

What show did you most want to be on as a kid? Hm, I dunno. Well, besides Pokemon if it were real, lol.

Describe your dream wedding in five words. Intimate, absolutely allows room for goofiness, gothic, non-traditional, and full of love and knowing I've made the right choice.

Who is your celebrity crush? why rzk gotta Look Like That at over 50 years old, calm the FUCK down

Have you ever been on a doubledate? Yes, with an extra friend that needed some cheering up. It was my favorite date that I've ever been on.

Favorite soup? I don't really like soup.

What do you want most? To be happy and content with myself.

What’s an unpopular opinion you have politically? I don't really believe in total eradication of law enforcement officials, that just sounds like a bad idea in the end, but I do VERY much believe that major reform is 100% mandatory in law enforcement. Because right now, that shit gets dark.

If you were to go to a Disney-themed costume party, what would you dress up as? Hmmmm... I think some sort of adaptation of the Cheshire cat would be very cool.

What is an ability you believe everyone should have? To listen and consider outside perspectives. People tend to wanna be right 100% of the time and just close themselves off to the possibility of them not being right, so they don't challenge their flawed opinions, practices, etc.

Name a song that’s fun to sing along to. HAHA "Bartender Song" by Rehab INSTANTLY comes to mind, I think EVERYBODY loves beltin that shit for no reason, lol. I think I also just remember doing this a lot with Colleen, in times where we had loads of fun, so it's a good memory.

Do you know how your parents met? They were co-workers.

If you owned a restaurant, what would you serve? I personally have no interest in owning a restaurant, but if I did, I think I'd try to be a vegan location, but with shit that's ACTUALLY good quality and convincing, even to non-vegans like myself. It's a cause I really support and would love to be more exposed to it, but also I know basically zero vegan locations here, so it'd be different and attractive too certain people for that reason.

What’s the fanciest event you’ve ever attended? Wanna say that dinner I attended at the end of high school for being in the top like, 10% or even less of the graduating class as far as GPAs went. I still have that plaque in this very room because it meant so much to me and was so validating that I wasn't a total idiot and capable of a lot.

Do you experience intrusive thoughts? YES and they freak me out

What is the best name you’ve heard an animal named? I mean it totally depends on the kind of pet, but I can say that I fucking love when people give like, cute cats and the like names that make them sound like the apocalyptic wrath of god compressed into this teeny animal, haha.

Morbid, I apologize. How do you think you’ll die? Ugh... I don't wanna think about this. But almost definitely some sort of health condition, probably relating to the heart.

What woke you up this morning? I just naturally woke up, literally past 2 PM lmao. Between the breakdown yesterday, recovering from a new tattoo, and getting HORRIBLE sleep lately, I guess I just seriously needed it.

Would you rather have many hobbies or 1 true passion? That's super hard, but I thiiiink many hobbies. That enables me to have fun in so many more ways, and encourages more variety in my life.

I feel like every school has one. What was a school scandal your town’s school had? Forewarning, this is REALLY FUCKING GROSS, so if you don't wanna read just pure gross shit, skip. But basically in high school there was a massive uproar over a video of a student going around the Internet where she covered a Certain Part of her body with peanut butter and let her dog... yeah. Been over a decade and I still struggle to accept someone (especially a minor, that's an extra layer of gross) ACTUALLY did that.

If you have pets, what would you ask them if they could speak? Roman: why the hell he's so intent on lying on the keyboard or on the mouse, lmao. Also why he's so terrified of strangers, especially since he was never abused or even had a bad experience with one. Venus: if she's content/happy. Or what she'd change if she could vocalize it to me. I think it's pretty normal to wonder this with caged animals, especially those that are less domesticated species. Cookie: why the HELL she loves to pee on the very, VERY edge of her pads, generally so she actually does it right beside them instead of on them. It drives my mom BATSHIT insane. Even at her old place she always used pads so it's something we do here too, and I mean she's a teeny-tiny dog so it's not really a nuisance... when she actually lands on them, lmfao.

What compliment did you last receive? Really don't know the chronologically last one Shelia (Girt's mom) said to me yesterday, because there was just a lot and I was also in a very bad mental state so my focus wasn't exactly all there.

Would you rather get a facial or massage? Facial. I'd find a massage excruciatingly awkward unless you were like my very serious s/o, and even with them I'm just self-conscious so would still be anxious.

Who is tallest in your family? I wanna say my brother. Possibly Dad? Idk.

Who did you last have a text conversation with and what was it about? My younger sister; I was asking her what date Dad's birthday is so I don't forget again this year. I knew it was in April, but I wanted the date and had zero interest in asking Mom because she doesn't like any of us kids showing even an ounce of interest in him as a person, honestly.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? No, none of them really need it. Roman does need to be brushed very frequently (it is INSANE how much fur constantly comes off this short-haired cat), though. I think my mom does occasionally use this foam shampoo stuff on Cookie, actually.

Would you have any clue when your best friend last got their hair cut? His older sister did semi-recently.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? Juan, but it's from many days ago. I don't chat on Messenger much.

When was the last time you saw them? Like... 2016?

Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but I've no clue what his favorite food is.

Are you obsessed with anything? Meerkats are my CONSTANT obsession, like that started when I was a literal 10-year-old and hasn't stopped. My biggest obsession right now is Rammstein tho. Also very into tarantulas and the prospect of one day having one (definitely not dozens, no way man).

Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I refuse to drink diet because 1.) the aspartame or whatever causes me headaches, and 2.) they're JUST gross, to the point it's completely unenjoyable to drink them.

Do you think you’ll ever delete your Facebook account? Nah. There have been MANY occasions I've considered remaking it just to leave behind old posts and stuff that no longer even remotely align with who I am, but all the effort just for that does not seem worth it, and besides, some of the stuff I don't want to leave behind.

Do you think 10 years from now you’ll still be taking surveys? HA YUP

List 3-10 things in nature you find amazing. LAJSDLKFAJWKEJWERA EOH BOY THERE'S SO MANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some that immediately come to mind are just the circle of life itself (death nourishing and growing into new life), ginormous trees like redwoods, the process of evolution and nature's whole history on this planet, volcanoes, caves, AURORA BOREALIS, giant waterfalls like Niagra Falls, just how humongous sealife can grow, interspecies "friendships" (for example there are species of tarantulas that *basically* keep frogs as pets for mutually beneficial reasons), the fact dolphins like to get high for fun lmfao, fungi and stuff, UGH THERE'S JUST SO MUCH COOL SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

List three ways in which you are sensitive. Just three? Well, that's easy. The one that immediately comes to mind are ways my AvPD manifests, like how I will basically feel like I got physically shot if you make me feel dumb or weird for liking something or just judge me harshly in general for interests; I am VERY sensitive to basically any form of rejection; and I'm the person who WILL get upset if you make a joke that is intended to be harmless but involves a topic I'm personally sensitive about.

How many brothers do you have? One, and he's my half-brother. Still my brother in the ways that matter, though. I just wish I got to see him more.

Are you faithful in a relationship? I can confidently say one of the very last things you ever have to worry about as my s/o is me cheating, so yes.

List three things you can see if you look out the window closest to you. The garbage and recycling bins, the road, houses across the street.

What are three ways in which you are blessed? Not a fan of the word "blessed" here, I prefer just "fortunate," but regardless: I have a roof over my head, fucking fantastic people who support me, and even though it's a terrible one, we do have a car to get places.

What group of people do you feel like you fit in with the most? Uh... I dunno. Goths? At least at heart, haha.

Where is one place you’ve been in which you didn’t feel like you fit in at all? My sister's house on holidays, lmfao. They are the complete opposite of me.

Would you describe yourself as a wallflower? Oh for sure.

What are three little things in life that you enjoy? Pretty days with nice weather, hearing small streams of water like creeks run, and soda lmfao, but at least I've stopped having it regularly. I'm convinced the craving for it, especially when I've had a terrible day, will never go away, though.

If you could pick any three foreign countries to visit and explore, which three would you pick, and why? South Africa, because I want to visit the KMP but also I just find Africa to EASILY be the most stunning continent on this whole planet, I would be entirely stoked if I got to explore more of the country!! Then of course there's Germany; I've had a thing for Germany since high school when I took all the available language courses in it, it just seems like a nice, pretty place with the sort of weather I'd enjoy, and I'd love to try different foods and stuff. I know there are certainly people who still have a bad taste in their mouth regarding the country, but when learning about their culture and stuff and how disgusted the very vast majority ARE by their own history (take some fucking notes, USA <333333), they just sound like good and very honest people to get to know. For third place I'd probably pick Italy, especially to visit Venice and Rome! I don't even think I really need to explain why I wanna visit Italy, like who DOESN'T, haha. It looks like fucking paradise.

Do you feel you can honestly say that Jesus saved your life? I saved my own motherfucking life, get out. Religion nearly RUINED my goddamn life.

What are three pleasant surprises that you enjoy? Mom randomly coming home with a Mtn. Dew for me lmao (does not happen often, I really have gotten a lot better, but because of the rarity of it of course it's exciting), Girt deciding he's gonna come by here after work, or weighing myself and seeing the number drop whatsoever.

What are three ways in which you would describe yourself as “normal”? Uh, when speaking of my morality is one; I certainly don't think I'm evil, but I'm no leading public figure of some cause either - just your normal "good" person, I hope. Uh... I can't think of anything else quickly, I generally see myself as lacking in most areas.

... and what are three ways in which you would say you are not normal? I don't have my driver's license at 27 years old, nor do I have a bank account/any sort of monetary card/even just a job, and I know my mental health and its general stability is far from "normal."

What would you say is the best thing about your life right now? My legs getting stronger and being able to ACTUALLY tell with total certainty is a major source of joy for me these days. Just this past Friday, I walked down my sister's porch steps much more normal, and I stg it made my entire fucking day. For a VERY long time I've had to do one step at a time on basically any staircase, meaning I had to get both feet on a single step before going onto the next, but I didn't this time.

What are three of your favorite ways to help people? My top one is easy: be there for emotional support. Listen and comfort them whenever they need it. I've also noticed that when my s/o is sick, I go FULL maid mode completely willingly, like I just want to make their recovery as easy and peaceful as physically possible. I also am very big into supporting small businesses, especially of those close to me; I'd favor their services over others, and you can bet your ass I'd tell anyone about them when relevant.

Do you enjoy creative writing? HELL FUCKING YES it brings me so much joy and satisfaction.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

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kennyomegasweave · 2 years ago

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It's time for episode 5. I know there's an outing and a shooting this episode. Let's go.

Like why would no one tell Palm Nueng was allergic to alcohol? That kinda seems like a big thing because being like YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED HIM FROM DRINKING makes no sense cause he's an 18 year old kid. He's gonna want to drink, Palm wouldn't think that was weird at all.

Okay Palm's dad is an ass but I also feel bad for him? But what does he mean by Nueng's dad saved Palm's life? Does he just mean by employing him so he had money to send to Palm? I need answers bitch!

Not Nueng doing like riding lessons or whatever. Dressage or some shit. The wealthy just jumped out of him.

"You should look at me when you talk to me." If looks could kill you'd be dead Nueng. Palm doesn't want to see you right now. You acted an entire ass and he got his ass beat and he's mad at you and you also have a boyfriend.

Oh here's Ben. NOT PALM HAVING TO SIT THERE WHEN BEN AND NUENG ARE ON A RICH PEOPLE DRESSAGE DATE. And I would like to take back 52% of my Ben hate cause he's being nicer to Palm right now than Nueng is.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE WROTE A FOOL ON PALM'S CAST. NUENGDIAO. This is not how we handle our feelings!

Nueng saying "this isn't a date, calm down." My guy you said he was your boyfriend last episode. What are you doing. Also I can't take him seriously in this outfit. He's just carrying that little helmet and wearing those riding boots and a polo. He looks ridiculous. Ben really does like him to still think Nueng is cool.

NOT PALM HAVING TO ACTUALLY FOLLOW THEM ON THIS DATE. The audacity of Nueng. I get it's Palm's job but the audacity of Nueng.

NUENG HAS A RIDING CROP. Palm. Please. Want more for yourself. Maybe you should just go for Maggie. She's cute and not doing like fucking dressage and getting you beat in a alcohol fueled jealous I CAN YOU LOVE rage.

Maggie is spitting straight facts and, while I still wish she'd realize Palm isn't into her like that, someone needs to say this to Palm. Her absolute "this bitch" when she saw Nueng wrote fool on Palm's cast. I know that's right.

Okay. I'm gonna be less mad at Nueng because he bought Palm shoes as an I'm sorry but also baby you can't buy your way out of this. Palm doesn't want to be your sugar baby. Which is like valid but also Palm baby.

YES THROW HIS WORDS BACK TO HIM. But also my heart is hurting for them both now. Nueng's like obvious jealously at any mention of Maggie is just like. How is Palm not realizing this?

This bullying is like so much. Like banners from the ceiling, flyers raining down. Good lord.

Oh my god. This is gonna be bad I know. Ben's poor little face. Also like damn they don't play. "How could this happen?" They're just teen's kissing. Good lord.

Oh my gosh Ben. Ben. Baby. Ben's father is The Worst. "My son is the class president he'd never kiss a man." What does being the class president have to do with this? Ben looks like he's about to puke. I get why he lied, I'm not mad. My heart is breaking for both him and Nueng.

Also I know it's cultural and I know homophobia is everywhere, but as I've said before about Palm's dad and I'll say again to Ben's, most people would be happy to know their child is being taken in by a kind rich man. lol

Hi Chopper. You look sketch. I don't know if it's cause you were the one to out them or if it's cause you went to hold Ben's hand. I want to believe it's the second but like. I trust no bitch but Palm. Not even my own wife Chopper.

Oh baby. Nueng. This breakdown is just. Oh baby boy. Just hug Palm. He genuinely likes you, I promise.

They really just stayed up there all day. Did they at least call Nueng's mom?

Not Palm's broken arm being healed by the power of gay love.

Palm telling Nueng a genuine apology means more than an expensive gift. You should get both baby. He's gonna keep fighting his sugar baby status and he doesn't have to.

I feel bad for Nueng cause he thinks Ben just used him, but Ben genuinely likes him, I think. Palm saying Nueng loves Ben and Nueng being like I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT LOVE HIM. I laughed.

Palm is out here like "what if I give you a better first kiss? Completely altruistic, it's for your own benefit." My guy. They really are both just playing themselves. lol

This kiss is like a million times better than Ben's and I'm screaming. They won't even touch each other with their hands and it's so much better. Please. Get married. Adopt two cats and a dog. And now they just have to sit there like that wasn't a Grade A kiss and didn't really mean much.

Palm telling cheesy jokes to make Nueng laugh.

Palm's dad sitting in that chair about to make an awkward turtle.

Aww, Nueng's mom really just loves him so much. And of course she knows what happened at school Nueng. It's why she's having this conversation about vegetables. Because she loves you. No matter what you eat.

"Are you dating? You can't date. You must focus on Nueng." See Mr. Palm's Dad, he will solve that problem by dating Nueng himself. But I don't think his dad is gonna vibe with that. Oops.

Once again I ask, why does Palm not have a tie? I WILL ASK THIS EVERY SINGLE EPISODE UNTIL I GET AN ANSWER OR THE SHOW ENDS.

NO MRS TANYA IS NOT ABOUT TO DIE NO SHE IS NOT. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I can't even care about their hands because like Bad Bitch Tanya better be okay. Also like damn they're just kids. Like Nueng is only 18. Palm is around there I'm guessing? This is Rough.

Okay. That preview better mean Nueng's mom is alive. He clearly won't get to see her but I can't imagine he'd be on a beachfront vacation with Palm's flop mom holding hands and shit if his mom was dead. I WILL CLING TO THIS.

I will also choose to believe Chopper looked so sketch when Ben said he's gonna fuck up the person that outed him not because it was him, but because he went to hold his hand and that's a Big Moment.

I also would like to say I take back all the mean things I said about Ben and I feel so bad for him. He's the bad guy in Nueng's story right now, but he had no choice. His dad is out here like MY SON IS THE CLASS PRESIDENT AND A STRAIGHT HE'S NOT DISGUSTING. Meanwhile Nueng has his mom completely accepting him. And now that Nueng knows this I'm hoping he won't be as upset with Ben. But Nueng's also not like the best with feelings and reflections, lol.

This show. Amazing.

#never let me go #shit is picking up and I'm still confused as to like what the actual plot of this show is #but I am having such a great time #Palm is still the only one I trust #i mean I guess i trust nueng too but that's just cause i don't think he knows anything #like he doesn't know shit about shit so he's trustworthy by default #I just know Mrs Tanya better not be dead #she better not be okay #regular clyde

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writersblog20 · 3 years ago

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drowning

Chris Evans x female reader

Summary: The last months hadn’t been easy to say the absolute least. Once Chris finds out what’s wrong, he takes care of you in every way possible.

Words: 6K

Warnings: Depression, burn out, mention of thinking about suicide, age-gap anxiety, mention of described medicitation to calm somebody down, smut! Pure smut, creampie, no condom, overstimulation, daddy kink, dirty talk,

A/N: Okay, so I’m going through a lot… apparently I have a burn out and I’m in a depression so this is kind of personal for me but obviously with a twist. This is also my first time writing smut….

Drowning

You were working on a new big movie project as an actress. Your costar was Chris Evans and god what a man. You were absolutely in love with him but tried to keep it on the low, your feelings. He was your costar after all and besides you believed he saw you just as a little sister because there is an age-gap and you just couldn’t believe that a man like that would fall in love with you.

Normally you had quite the self confidence but that faded away when you start to feel down and depressed. Not only were you working on a big project but you were already in the headlines because of your last movie. That was your first actual movie and it got you immediately in the public eye. All of a sudden you had to deal with a lot of public attention, which was quite overwhelming for you. Not only that but you still had school and you worked as an intern so that brought enormous amount of stress along.

You tried to act like nothing was wrong but it slowly got worse and worse. You lost motivation, felt extremely depressed and worthless, you even thought a lot about suicide. It was a nasty time and a lot of loved ones saw you crumbling down under all the stress you were in.

Chris saw it too. He didn’t say anything except: “Hey, you know you can talk to me right?” and you would always just nod, give him a smile and say: “I know, thanks Chris.” He would leave it there because he didn’t want to cross any boundaries.

You started to lose a lot of sleep over it, you didn’t eat great, nightmares for when you did actually tend to fall asleep, breakdowns, mood swings etc. You knew after going for so long, that it was finally time to get some help. You went to your doctor and he was very concerned about you. He wanted to see you at least once a week until someone could help you. A lot of things went wrong, like the people he tried to get you to, couldn’t help you and it in the end you had to call somebody and search for help.

This was a very stressful time and took more energy in the end of the day than doing as if everything was okay. You were completely and utterly exhausted and people started to notice on set. Your doctor did say that you had a burn out and a heavy depression. And boy those two cannot go together what so ever. He also gave you some medication so you could relax a bit and get some sleep.

You just wanted to scream: “Nevermind, I’m fine, I was kidding.” To the world so everything would just stop even though this was indeed the right thing to do in the end, it still didn’t feel like it. Your mom and a couple of friends knew and they were extremely worried. You had to tell them lies, to comfort them. Maybe that was the hardest part. Tell them lies because they would feel okay. Yeah it’s definitely not okay but for now it was better this way. It’s a long story on why you did what you had to do. She wouldn’t be able to handle the truth…. Let’s keep it on that.

You walked on set, just came back from your doctor, who advised you to stop for a while but you couldn’t do that, didn’t want to either. You were just hella confused by everything and wanted so badly to escape but you couldn’t.

You felt your eyes filling up with tears and the pressure on your chest worsening because of all the heavy emotions. Chris saw you walking in a fast pace towards your trailer. He could see from miles away that you were far from fine.

He frowned and walked over to your trailer. You forgot to close the door in a sheer panic and sought for your medication to calm you down. You shakily found the bottle and opened the lid, with a sniff as the tears started falling. You popped the pills in and washed them away with some water in your shaky hand.

Chris watched you from outside the trailer and softly knocked, trying not to scare you even though you were already jumpy from the anxiety. You turned around quickly like being a deer caught in headlights. Chris gave you a sad sympathetic smile. “Hey sweetheart….” He told you softly, giving you a look of knowledge. You looked down in embarrassment. “Hey Chris…..” you whispered as you wiped away the left overs of tears that were spilled on your cheek.

He carefully stepped into your trailer and walked up to you, trying to make eye contact which you dodged. He carefully placed his hands on your upper arms, rubbing it softly before pulling you into the warmth of his body and arms.

You didn’t really knew how to behave right now as you let your arms linger besides you. He got your arms and placed them around him for a hug back. You held him loosely, feeling like the dam was about to be broken as your feelings start to rise to the very surface. Heart started to pick up as you tried to push it down to no avail.

You started to hold Chris tighter, pulling his cardigan into your fist as you grabbed it tightly, scared to let go. That was a cue for Chris to hold you tighter and closer to him. You hid your face in chest as the familiar and safe smell of Chris indulged your nose.

This might’ve been the first time in forever that you felt safe and loved. Those positive feelings broke the dam and everything got finally out. You started to shake and sob uncontrollably. Chris rested his head on yours as he grabbed you just a bit tighter than before. “I’ve got you now, I know sweetheart. You’re doing so good and been so strong but I’ve got you now. Let me help you and take care of you now. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.”

The kind words of Chris shot like a bullet through your heart and soul, giving you relief you needed so desperately and as a reaction, you held him as tight as you could. Grabbing his cardigan so tight to the point you could feel your nails dig into the palms of your hands.

Chris placed his hand on top of your head and pulled you closer to his chest. He looked around for a second because he thought that you might lose the strength of your legs. He got you out of the hug for a second as he took your hands in his. You had an entire blackout as he moved the both of you to the couch. He pulled you into his lap so he could hold you better.

You just let it all happen, knowing that you were in safe hands. You automatically wrapped your legs around Chris and hid your face in the crook of his neck as he softly rubbed your back. You had no idea for how long you sat there crying or what time it was for all that matter, once the uncontrollable sobs came to an end and your heartrate started to slow down.

You felt the headache coming up and felt utterly exhausted and empty right now. Chris noticed that you calmed down a bit and got your face out of the safe hiding spot as he looked into your red eyes. He gave you a kiss on the top of your forehead and you felt the tears pooling into your eyes again as your heart finally felt relief and love from the small gesture Chris made.

It had been forever that someone showed you affection and it showed. Your heart started to ache for more and you never wanted to let go of Chris. He looked back into your eyes as he softly rubbed your cheek, which felt sore from the salty tears that had been falling for a good amount of time.

“I’m so proud of you baby, but I need to know what’s going on in order to properly help you, so I can take some of the weight from you. You’re not alone anymore and I’m not going nowhere.” He said softly to you.

You nodded and started to tell him everything from the very beginning, pouring your heart out as he listened very carefully and at some parts squeezed your hands to let you know he was there as you sat comfortably on his lap.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he asked carefully. “It was easier to deny everything and act than to give in and feel. I was confused and still am. My head is so clouded all of the time and….. and I’m tired… exhausted. I’m just done right now.” he nodded as he carefully placed a string of hair behind your ear, letting his hand cup your cheek after again. “I’m so proud of you that you told me this. I know it’s hard and you’re one of the bravest, strongest and most courageous person I’ve ever seen in my entire life and it’s an honor. I mean, you went through all of this alone and took care of yourself or at least tried to and didn’t gave up…. even if it felt like you did, you didn’t because you are still here. You don’t have to do this alone anymore and we’ll figure this out, together. But right now it’s very important to go back to basic. Get some rest, try to relax and do fun stuff. We’ll go day by day and I’ll be right by your side if you’ll let me.” he told you as the last part was more of a question for approval.

You nodded, not able to say anything. You didn’t feel alone anymore and felt a heavy weight lifted off of your shoulders and heart. You felt safe and it was incredibly nice that you had someone, especially Chris, by your side who would take care of you, if you weren’t able.

He gave you another soft smile and nodded. “What you think off staying with me for a while, so I can take care of you better and you have nothing to worry about regular stuff for a while hmh, so that pretty head of yours can take some proper rest.” he asked you as he went with his hand over your hair. You nodded again and he smiled as he pulled you into a big hug.

“Let gather your stuff then okay?” he helped you off of him and got your stuff with you. You took everything you need. “I’ll go talk to the director and tell him that we’re going to a week or two off.” you looked at him panicked and he walked up to you “Sweetheart, I know it’s not fun but you can’t keep working like this. Your health is the most important and mental health falls in that category. No discussions.” He told you soft but stern, not leaving room for a discussion and to be honest you were to tired to argue. You just nodded. He gave you a kiss on the top of your head and walked out.

You packed your things up in your suitcase when Chris walked back in. “It’s fine sweetheart. They understand and we still have a lot of time so we don’t have to worry.” He told you and gave you a kiss on the top of your head again.

He got your suitcase once everything was packed and placed it in the back of his car. He opened the door for you as you got in. “So, we’ll drop off your stuff at my place and what do you think of going trough town for a bit? We can go to a bookstore and get you some new books and get some snacks for tonight.” He asked you once he was seated next to you.

You were tired but it did sound really nice to get out of your head for a minute and walk through a bookstore. “Yeah, that sounds good.” He smiled and drove to his place. It didn’t took long to arrive there and once Chris opened the door, Dodger came up running to you. You crouched down and petted the playful and sweet dog.

Chris noticed that Dodger was very calm around you at this point and he smiled, knowing that Dodger felt it and immediately changed his behavior. After putting everything in his house and got the stuff you needed, you headed into town.

Chris noticed that your anxiety started to pick up and carefully took your hand in his, making you look up at him in surprise. “Is this okay?” he asked you and you nodded as you held his hand a little tighter. He walked into the bookstore with you. It was very quiet. Feeling relieved you searched through the books and held a couple in your arms. Chris came up to you and took the books from you so you could search better.

You didn’t know how long you spent in the store as time slipped away from your perspective. Chris never, not once groaned or looked annoyed at how long it might’ve been. You looked so calm for the first time in months that he’d seen you, so he just let you be.

After a while Chris came up to you. “Sweetheart? I’ll be back in ten minutes. I need some stuff. You just take your time okay? I’ll place your books by the counter and be right back.” he told you calmly ad gave you another kiss on the top of your head as you nodded. You searched through some more books and read some stuff until Chris came back.

You got the books and even though Chris wanted to pay for it, you shook your head and didn’t let him. You walked out and took his hand in yours again as you saw more people on the street, which gave you more anxiety right now.

Chris got the bag with all the books out of your grasp and held it for you as he gave you a gentle smile. You walked past a store with crystals and tarot cards and stuff and you looked in a little. Chris noticed. “Do you want to go in?” he asked you softly. “Can we?” he just gave you a smile and led you into the store.

You looked through all the crystals and told Chris about them and about the collection you had back home with your mom. You explained the meanings of them and how they worked etc. He looked very interested and he was. He also found the way you spoke very calming for himself so he loved to listen to you. He looked around and pointed out a box with multiple crystals in them.

You walked over and smiled as you took them, along with another book and a deck of special tarot cards. This time Chris paid. You looked at him in surprise and he winked at you. “My treat sweetheart.” You smiled shyly and murmured a shy “thank you.” he was happy with himself as he took your hand in his again and walked to the store where they would sell all kinds of snacks from around the world.

You both looked around and got a lot of stuff. Also new things you wanted to try because they looked good. Things from Japan, China, England, Netherlands. Just a lot of things. You also got a lot of candy, drinks, cookies and of course the snacks. You giggled a little in embarrassment at how much you both got.

Chris smiled proudly as you both paid and walked out of the store and towards the car to get back. Now you were exhausted but it felt like your spirit had been lifted just a little. You got in and Chris drove you back home to his place.

“Make yourself at home sweetheart.” He told you and you nodded. You sat down on the couch as Chris made some tea. Dodger already by your side. You got one of the books and got immediately drawn into another, more peaceful world. Chris smiled as he saw your eyes scanning every word that was typed out on the page.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. You were so special to him and he fell in love so hard and quick when he got to know you. You were the one for him. He never felt like this before for someone else and he knew he wouldn’t love another as much as he loved you. He would do everything in his power to protect, help and take care of you until you felt like yourself again and found the light. And if you were unable to find the light he would make sure make some light instead of finding it. He would get you the moon and the sun if he could.

He knew for sure you liked him too. The glances you gave him didn’t go unnoticed by him and even though you thought you were subtle, you definitely were not. But Chris found it utterly adorable.

He walked towards you with the tea and sat down. He saw that your eyes started to droop down. “Lay down princes.” He instructed and did as you were told. He got a blanket and carefully and gently tucked you in. “There you go, get some rest now. You are allowed to get some rest, you’ve done so much more than enough today. You deserve it.” the permission Chris gave you helped you to get some rest as you didn’t allow yourself to get it so when someone else did say it to you, it was easier.

You closed your eyes as you felt Dodger laying down by your stomach, giving off warmth and comfort. Chris gently placed your legs on his lap and kept your feet warm as you drifted off in a much needed sleep.

You woke up and looked around, Dodger still with you. It was already dark outside and you had no idea how long you’ve slept. You stood up, feeling your bones crack in your body as you stretched. You walked to the kitchen and saw Chris cooking, you saw he had changed into a pair of sweats and a grey shirt. You felt your heart flutter at the sight as you finally felt calm.

Christ noticed your presence in the room and turned around. “Hey, how you’ve slept?” he asked as he walked up to you and pulled you into a hug. You carefully placed your arms around him as you felt his muscles underneath the shirt. You rested your head against his chest as you let in a breath. “best I’ve had in a long time. Thank you.” he smiled and you could hear his heart skip a couple of beats against your face. “That’s good to hear and you don’t have to thank me sweetheart.”

He gave you a kiss on the top of your head and made you sit on the kitchen counter. “I’m making pasta, is that okay?” he asked you, making you smile. “It’s perfect.” He turned around and leaned against the counter as he looked at you with a soft smile and love in his eyes. You felt shy but couldn’t hide the small smile that made it’s way on your lips.

He filled the plates with the pasta and you both ate and talked in between. After dinner you took a shower and got into some comfortable clothes. You still felt very heavy but it was such an extreme relief to finally have someone that you felt just a little bit better than before.

You walked downstairs and saw Chris on the couch, filling your heart with more longing for the man that protected and took care of you. You walked towards the couch and sat down next to him but with an respectful distance. He looked at you and the distance.

“If you want, we can cuddle.” He suggested carefully. You smiled and got closer to him as he wrapped his arms around you. He let you chose a movie and of course you chose a feel good movie, like holiday. You were completely indulged into the movie and didn’t noticed that you were holding on more and tighter on Chris.

He smiled as he looked at you. “Sweetheart? Do you like me?” he asked carefully all of a sudden, taking him by surprise as well. Your eyes went big and you pulled a little away from him. A sudden pang of panic and anxiety formed into his chest, swallowing him whole. He didn’t mean to say it and he could just bash his head in right now.

“I eh… Why you ask?” you looked at him carefully, scared to make eye contact. “I don’t know, it just came out. I’m sorry that I’ve asked, I shouldn’t have.” This time you could tell that he was having an anxiety attack, so you grabbed his hand. “Do you like me Chris?” you asked carefully.

He looked at his hand in yours and how your thumb softly rubbed the back of his and looked up after. A sudden wave of calmness took over him. “I do. I find you the most beautiful, smart, strongest, courageous, sweetest, kindest, I could go on for a while, woman in the world.” He told you sincere. You felt your cheeks heat up and looked up at him, making eye contact.

You saw the love radiating from his eyes as was anxiously awaiting your answer. “do you really mean that?” you whispered, not trusting your voice. He carefully nodded. You played with his fingers, twirling them around yours, as he started to do the same, going in synchronization. You looked up, gathering courage.

“I really like you too Chris.” He gave you a soft smile and signed for you to come to him so you did. He placed you on his lap again. He softly took your face between his palms as his thumbs rubbed your cheeks. “I would like to try with you, if you want that to.” You nodded and he smiled. “We’ll take it at your pace. And if you want things to go slower, we’ll do that. But you’re priority now and I’ll only do what you want and tell me to do right now okay?” he made eye contact and looked deeply into your eyes so the message would be clear.

You nodded as you softly grabbed his wrist besides your face. You took in a breath and looked at him. “I would like you to kiss me Chris….” You told him and he got a gentle smile on his face as he softly licked his lips and came closer to you, at the same time pulling you in.

Your lips touched and you both sighed in the kiss as you melted in one another. You were chest to chest right now and not only melted into the kiss but completely into each other. His right hand went from your cheek to your hair and so did your hands, tucking them in his hair.

It was one of the most passionate kiss you’ve ever had, taking your breath away completely and speeding up your heartbeat. You felt his tongue against your lips for access which you granted with pleasure. He gently tucked your hair a little, mirroring your actions. His hair felt soft and you felt intoxicated right now.

You automatically grinded a little on his lap, making him groan and moan in the kiss a little, tucking your hair more as the kiss turned more heated. He pulled back for air and looked at you with blown pupils. “baby, we need to stop if we want to take things slow.” He told you but you could already feel him grow hard underneath you and you were already wet.

The room grew silent with tension. The only sound that was heard, was the deep breathing. “I don’t want you to stop….” You told him, completely in a trans. “I don’t want you to regret anything just because you want it now sweetheart.”

It made your heart flutter even more, making you want him even more. You boldly moved a little on his lap, hearing him groan as he let his head fall down back. He grabbed your hips tightly as his fingers dug into your skin. “This would be the last thing I would regret. I promise.” You told him softly and placed your lips against the skin of his neck.

You could hear and feel his breath hitch a little as you attacked his neck. He took your face in his hands again. “If you want to stop, I need and want you to tell me okay?” he told you as he looked at you with lust in his eyes, making you nod.

Once you nod, his lips attacked yours. He got you off of his lap and took you upstairs. You took his shirt off and let your hands wander over his chest as he kissed you like it was the end of the world. He took your sweater off as well, leaving you in your bra.

He left wet kisses from your neck to your chest as he unclasped your bra. When he got it off his lips went back to your lips, pulling you against his chest. Your hands wandered lower to his sweats, tugging them as a hint to take them off and your hands moved lower to his, still, growing bulge, making Chris moan in the kiss.

This time you pulled back and got your sweatpants off and Chris followed as he softly laid you down on his bed. He hang above you, attacking your lips again, this time making you moan in the kiss.

His lips trailed down from your neck to your chest to your breast as he took one in his mouth and played with the other between his fingers. You moaned and arched your back towards his chest, your hands through his hair as goosebumps covered your skin.

His lips trailed further down, leaving wet spots on your stomach as he pulled your panties down and kissed the inside of your thighs, moving up this time. It took one lick, to make you a whimpering mess already.

So many nights had you thought about this while touching yourself and now it was finally becoming true. He kept notice of your body language, in what you liked and what you didn’t. His mouth now attached to your clit as he licked and sucked. You were lost for breath and saw stars. You knew it wasn’t going to take long for you to come. You whimpered and moaned as his hand found your stomach and held you down on the bed.

“Chris…. I’m gonna cum.” You whimpered. “Come for me baby, come for daddy.” That was it, the last sentence took you over the edge in seconds, leaving you a shaky, whimpering mess on his bed. His lips went back over your body, going up. He got you into a passionate kiss and you could taste yourself on his lips, feeling him grind onto your body. “You taste delicious baby. I’ll never get enough of you.” he told you, making you shiver.

He attacked your neck and pinned you down on the bed when you tried to get his boxers off. “No. This night is all about you baby.” You moaned only at that already. God it was so hot. His fingers found your slit again as he sat on top of you. You immediately moaned again as his motions grew faster.

You’ve never experienced such a fast orgasm. Not even your vibrator could do this or have such an effect on you. “Come for daddy baby. Make daddy proud.” He noticed that, that sent you over the edge for the first time so he tried it again and again, you had an eye rolling orgasm.

Chris still sat on top of you and licked his fingers as he made eye contact with you. “Please fuck me daddy.” You told him, making him grin. He got out of his boxers and your eyes went big at how huge Chris was. “Don’t worry baby. I won’t hurt you.” he told you as he gave you a kiss on the top of your head. That gesture alone made you even more wetter than before.

“He laid you down and looked up at you. “Are you sure sweetheart?” he asked you and you nodded. “No princes, I need to hear you.” you swallowed a little “Yes daddy.” He smiled and gave you a kiss on the top of your nose and lips again.

He positioned himself between your slit and you already moaned at that, you grew impatient and wanted him in you. You bucked your hips a little, making Chris chuckle. “Someone’s eager.” He told you but placed you down by his hand. He carefully slipped in, taking your face in to see if there wasn’t any discomfort, which wasn’t. He muffled your moans with his mouth as he placed it on yours.

He wasn’t even halfway in and he carefully pushed forward and played with your breast. Once he was fully in he got out of the kiss, looking at you. “You okay baby?” he asked you carefully as he took a stranded hair, that stuck to your face from the sweat, away. “Yes daddy”

He smiled and slowly stared moving, making you both moan in unison. Your nails found his back and he hissed a little as you had your claws in his back in no time. His movements got a good pace and you felt yourself grow closer again. “I’m going to come again daddy.” You announced. “You’re such a good girl, come for daddy princes.”

Your walls squeezed him tightly and he let out a loud moan. “If you keep doing that, I won’t last long baby.” He told you out of breath as you were still shaking underneath him. He pulled out of you, making you whimper at the lost and emptiness.

“Come ride daddy, baby girl.” He told you and helped you get seated. You started moving and Chris looked mesmerized at you. He pulled you down so he could kiss you. His fingers dug into your flesh again as he helped you set the pace. You grew closer again and your fingers intertwined with Chris’s as you placed them behind your back.

“Cum for daddy.” He told you and his thumb found your clit as you kept riding him, sending you, once again, over the edge. You collapsed on his chest from the many orgasms in such a short amount of time. Chris moaned in your ear as you squeezed him again and his moans in your ear not helping that case what so ever.

He got you off of him and placed you on your stomach and pulled your ass up as you still shook. He took a grip on your hips and entered you again, making you both moan. He started to pound into you and tears of pleasure started to gather in the corner of your eyes.

His pounding got so rough that you laid completely down on the bed, ass as well. He grabbed your butt cheeks in his hands and squeezed them as he kept entering you. you gasped and moaned, feeling utter bliss.

He got out of you again and rolled you back on your back and entered you again. “I’m not going to last very much longer sweetheart.” He told you as he started moving again. You tried to meet his rhythm with your hips but he pulled you down again, making you moan loudly. His hand found your mouth, covering it to muffle your moans.

His hand was quickly replaced by his lips as his thrusts became erratic. “You can cum in me daddy.” He looked at you and that was the thing that had sent Chris over the edge. He moaned and grunted as he filled you up. You felt everything and loved every minute of it.

Chris collapsed on you and held you tightly, still buried deep inside of you. Both trying to catch your breath. He looked at you and placed his lips on yours lovingly but still out of breath. “Was I too rough?” he asked you nervously. “No, it was perfect.” He smiled which you mirrored and kissed you again. “Let’s take a shower sweetheart.” You nodded and he carefully exited you, making you whimper. “I’m sorry baby.” He kissed the top of your head and got your hand in his so he could lead you to the bathroom but your legs wobbled too much.

He chuckled a little, “Let’s take a bath instead mhm?” you nodded and drew a bath with essential oils and a bath bomb he got when he walked out of the bookstore. It was a present for you. You smiled at his sweet present and kissed his lips.

He helped you in and you sat with your back against Chris. His arms wrapped around you, leaving kisses on your shoulder. You smiled and intertwined your fingers together. After the relaxing bath he helped you into one of his shirts and boxers. He cleaned the bed very fast, telling you to get one of your new books in the meantime.

When you got back and turned off every light downstairs, Chris was already done with the bed. You couldn’t wait to crawl in, feeling exhausted but finally happy and calm again in a long time. This morning you hadn’t even a vision for the future but that had changed in a short period of time because of Chris.

You crawled into the bed and started reading a bit but couldn’t focus on the words. Chris walked in the room and crawled in next to you. You placed away the book, laid down but turned to face Chris. He smiled softly and lovingly at you. You crawled closer and he already placed his arms around you. “I love you sweetheart.” You smiled against his chest. “I love you too Chris.”

He kissed the top of your hair and pulled you closer. You could feel Chris softly drew patterns on your skin and you relaxed into his arm. You turned around as a little spoon and pulled Chris’s arm over your body. He scooped you closer and rested his head on the top of yours. The warmth and safety indulged you into a peaceful sleep as you could feel Chris place soft kisses on your shoulder. You still had a long way to go but with Chris it would be easier, that was one thing that was sure.

taglist: @rogersdrysdalebarber

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undreaming-fanfiction · 2 years ago

Text

Banished (2)

You asked, I delivered. Ish. There will be three parts to this, but I wanted to split them because I have an attention span of a goldfish. The previous part can be found HERE.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Eddie Munson's mind is racing. That isn't unusual for him, his brain is basically a race track, but instead of overflowing with ideas for campaigns or songs, he's basically having a breakdown if he ever had one. What a joke, he thinks to himself, you get accused of several murders, get torn to shreds by bats from another dimension, die and come back, but that's just okay while a dinner with Karen Wheeler sends you spiraling? You moron.

The dinner is only tomorrow, he still has plenty of time, but he can't sleep, can't rest, can't do anything and before he knows it, he's knocking on Steve's door. He curses himself for not checking the time when an obviously sleepy (and shirtless. Why is he always shirtless?!) Steve opens the door, only an inch, and peers outside. "Eddie? What's wrong?" He swings the door fully open and Eddie can hear the clang of his signature spiked bat as Steve lets it fall on the ground. That's going to damage the floor, Eddie thinks. And then he remembers that the Harringtons haven't even checked if their son is alive after the earthquake and his mind adds, good. Maybe I should drop it again. From the staircase. Twice.

Eddie's eyes dart to the side, anywhere but Steve's bare chest. One crisis at a time, thank you. "Harrington. I mean...shit. Hi Steve. Can I...can I come in?" Noticing Steve's stunned silence, he quickly adds: "I swear this isn't one of the world ending things. It's mundane, really. But I didn't know where else to go, so..." he points vaguely at himself, "here I am, I guess. I'm also sorry for waking you up, shit, should have said that first. Really sorry."

Steve gives a humorless laugh and steps to the side, letting Eddie in. "Yeah, nothing to be sorry for. Being tired and actually sleeping seem to be two completely different things." Eddie kicks off his shoes and Steve points him to the kitchen. "You want something to drink?"

Eddie wonders if maybe a shot, two or half a bottle of vodka would do the trick. If it would get him to calm down. Probably not. "Um..." he croaks out, "no. No thanks, I...drank. Before I came here. Like, not alcohol. Coke. Not...that kind of coke. Jesus H Christ," he rubs his forehead and closes his eyes. It's becoming more and more obvious that tomorrow is going to be a disaster.

Steve just leans against the kitchen door frame and blinks, confused. "...you okay Eddie?"

"Yes. Possibly. Depends." He takes a deep breath and finally looks at Steve properly. The chest hair isn't helping his mental stability and this time, he doesn't have a good excuse to throw any clothing at him. "I...look. The whole banished thing is getting kind of old and it seems Wheeler's mom seems to agree and...she invited me over, which I know you know, I don't know why I'm telling you since you were the one who made that miracle happen, but I...I have a slight problem."

The pretty face in front of him scrunched into a confused frown. "Don't you...want to go?"

Eddie throws up his hands and it takes him some serious self-discipline not to rub his fingers between Steve's eyebrows to make that frown disappear. "Oh no, nonono. I mean yes. I want to go. So much. But um...I...shit, this is going to sound absolutely ridiculous and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't want to fuck this up, okay? I can't afford to fuck this up." There, he said it. Eddie never wanted to be emotionally invested in anything or anyone that could hurt him, always placing his personal integrity - hobbies, aesthetics, beliefs - over impressing other people, but here he is, admitting to Steve Harrington of all people that he found something worth changing his approach. "So for the first time in my life, I want to...make a good impression. But," he sighs, tugs a strand of his hair in front of his mouth, "with the whole end of the world thing, all of my clothes are gone. Like, melted. Burned. I didn't have much of a presentable wardrobe even before, but now..."

Steve sucks in a breath. "Oh."

Eddie nods and drops his eyes to the floor again. This is starting to feel like a really bad idea. "Yeah, so I know this is weird as hell and you're well within your rights to tell me to fuck off, but-"

But then Steve is grabbing his wrist, pulling him upstairs. "Come on," he interrupts his rambling and Eddie's chest squeezes impossibly tight around his self-proclaimed cynical heart at the kindness in his voice, "let's see if I can find something that fits you."

...

Eddie ends up spending the night. Not in the way he would have liked, but Steve is off work the next day and he insists on perfecting everything - "it's absolutely not that I'm not into your look, I mean...you know what I mean, but I want you to feel calm, man. Parents can be terrifying, but Karen - Mrs. Wheeler - is a good person. And you need to sleep to entertain those little shits the way they expect, otherwise they'll eat both of us alive." So they go through Steve's wardrobe, find some older pieces (still better than anything Eddie's ever owned) that he used to wear before his shoulders and thighs decided to do the thing that has Eddie secretly salivating.

Steve also brings in his hair salon supplies, as Eddie jokingly calls them, and helps brush Eddie's unruly locks into a simple low ponytail. Eddie doesn't let anyone touch his hair, the gesture is too intimate, but he can't find a good excuse to say no and the experience ends up being...pleasant. And he isn't going to follow that thought because it leads to hell. Not the religious one, fuck that, but hell of unrequited feelings, awkwardness and pity.

The end result has Eddie feeling...mixed. He looks at himself in the mirror, a simple dark polo, still slightly larger, but it might be seen as an intent, tucked into non-torn jeans. His hair is still fluffy, but looks more put together. He looks put together. He stares at his reflection and thinks is this what I would have looked like if I was normal? Would I have a normal job, a diploma, all that shit? His eyes slightly shift to Steve's reflection, looking at him tired but proud, and his brain unhelpfully adds: Would I be Steve's type then? Stupid.

He turns to Steve and gestures at the polo. "Not bad, huh? Who knew I could pull off the King Steve look?"

Steve laughs out loud, throws his head back. "Give yourself more credit, man, you don't look like that much of a douchebag. Suits you, though. If you ever feel like going for something more daring."

"Daring," Eddie rolls that word on his tongue, trying to sound offended but failing. "Daring my ass, Harrington! Don't think for a moment your polos trump the whole my-daughter-or-son-can-never-bring-this-guy-home look."

Steve produces an undignified snort, but holds Eddie's eyes. "Well, maybe you just need to date someone whose parents are never home," the asshole shrugs as Eddie nearly self-combusts.

"Oh." Quickly, say something not creepy. "Good thing I know someone like that then." Fuck.

They stare at each other for long seconds and Eddie notices Steve is actually blushing, the master of flirting suddenly has the most beautiful pink hue spreading from his face to his - still bare, goddammit Harrington! - chest, but he doesn't look uncomfortable. Eddie wants to pour a gallon of water on the tiny flame of hope that sparked in his chest, but apparently stupid is his new way of life.

And Steve isn't fucking helping. He runs fingers through his hair again, not distracting at all, and smiles sheepishly at Eddie. "Well, you should go for them." Them, not her. Oh.

Eddie, feeling brave and still very, very stupid, smiles and attempts to tug another strand of hair in front of his face, but the ponytails there and he feels incredibly exposed. "I think I will," he tells Steve, tucking his hands into the back pockets of his - Steve's - jeans. "I just need to deal with this whole banished thing and if it goes well, I'll ask them out. Maybe for coffee. Coffee is a good first date idea, no?"

Steve nods. "Yeah. I can't imagine them not liking coffee."

"Good."

There is a comfortable silence between them now. Eddie wonders if he's dreaming, if his brain made up this whole conversation, but he can't imagine a single dream of his where he'd end up wearing Steve's polo shirts. Or maybe...nope, still not going there.

He yawns and waves his hand in front of his mouth. "Sorry," he says and then bursts out laughing when Steve yawns too. "Contagious, isn't it?"

"Yep." Steve looks at his bed, the only clean island in the sea of piles of clothes. "Do you snore, Munson?"

Eddie snorts and wiggles a finger at Steve. "That's for me to know and for you to find out."

Part 3 will be up eventually, I already have it sort of planned. Tagging the folks who mentioned they'd like a continuation, sorry if that's *clears throat for the best Max impression* presumptuous of me.

@subparwritersuperbreblogger, @gay-stranger-things and two others who I can't tag for the life of me, I'll just respond to your comments!

#steddie #steddie ficlet #steddie drabble #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #strangerthings #stranger things ficlet #strangerthingsfanfiction

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