#had her own life and was doing her own thing 😭

[just-trying-to-fangirl-in-peace]

Damn this was a rollercoaster okay here we go

Almárea was not scared of them, which surprised you. In fact, she approached them and kept asking them a million questions as the Orcs were growing a little frustrated with her curiosity. They were, however, answering all her questions patiently. You cracked a smile at that. She was still a child – curious and so full of life.

I’m just imagining the Orcs sweating their asses off thinking ‘must not upset the boss’s daughter if we make her cry we die be nice be nice’. She’s such a little menace just by existing and she doesn’t even know it🤣

“I shall not allow him to hurt you, uncle. I shall not, I promise,” you kissed Celebrimbor’s forehead and your uncle looked up at you with hazy eyes and a loving smile. “You have endured and suffered so much because of him already. But no more, no more, uncle… Now you must rest.”

THANK YOU for not killing Celebrimbor in this one. This is still tragic af but honestly I don’t see how reader would have forgiven Sauron if he had done to her uncle what he did in canon.

Long silence occurred. Sauron laid his cold and empty eyes upon you, sitting on the floor with your back pressed to the wall and crying silent tears.

“It is her choice,” he answered, softly, “but I doubt she wants to go with us.”

AAAA when I got here without knowing the end of the fic I was like: is he genuinly hoping she will follow him for him as well as their daughter? Is there quiet yearning in this or do I just want him to be yearning so it hurts me more in all the best ways??

“It was the only moment when I felt that I should, perhaps, abandon my old life and remain in Eregion as Annatar by your side forever,” he confessed.

Again I was like STOP DON’T GIVE ME HOPE. Same with when he kept leaving her little gifts on her bed. I would have folded so fast it’s not been funny😩

“A forge,” she answered. “I miss uncle Celebrimbor’s one and this place makes me feel as if I was back there. Oh, daddy, can you imagine all the beautiful things we could craft here?” She asked with a smile.

Sauron froze for a moment as you watched the scene with a raised eyebrow. He looked around as if he had just realised something brilliant.

Okay this is hilarious. Kid, you have no idea the shit storm you just started. Brilliant🤣

“I miss you,” you confessed. “I miss being close to you,” you added.

“You miss Annatar, not me,” he shrugged his arms and looked out of the window again.

*chanting to myself* I must not feel bad for him I must not feel bad for him

Fuck I feel bad for him😭 especially after THIS:

“Come here, my love,” Sauron pulled you closer and wrapped his arms around you. “Oh, how I have missed you, too, my darling. And even though it brought me great pain, I knew I had to wait for you to come to me out of your own free will.”

TELL ME HE IS HONEST MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT OTHERWISE

I mean it seems like he is in this fic but I have such deep trust issues with Sauron I’m always scared he’s gonna flip the tables out of nowhere😅

“You are going to have many,” Sauron spoke as he reached his hand out to caress her hair. “And each of you will get their own kingdom to rule over in my name and their own Ring,” he shared his new plan as a shiver went down your spine. “And all Middle-earth will be healed at once for your mother’s light and my darkness combine like two precious metals; balancing and amplifying everything I could ever be on my own.”

Oh no there will be MULTIPLE MINI SAURONS RUNNING AROUND👀👀👀 but the balance thing is beautiful and I’m gonna pretend like maybe Middle-Earth isn’t still totally screwed (it is but who could resist him when he talks like that?😩)

His love is so twisted but all of this was delicious. We the Sauron girlies thank you for the good food🤭❤️

— BLESSED (III)

PART ONE || PART TWO

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!half-Elf!Reader

SUMMARY — You have no choice but to follow Sauron and your daughter to Mordor because you do not want to abandon her. As time passes, you find yourself being lured by your husband's charm once more as the memories of his cruelty in Eregion begin to fade away.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — And here we are go with the last part! I know I probably write Sauron's relationship with his daughter in a very idealistic way – that in canon he would be most likely way worse. But writing it like that would bring me no joy. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It's a fic for dad!Sauron and I want him to be at least a bit decent while we're at it! 😤

WARNINGS — Reader's father is dead (he was human, so she outlived him), manipulating, gaslighting, toxic and abusive marriage between the Reader and Sauron, Sauron being a very mid dad who manipulates his daughter and teaches her how to be evil like him, child in danger (nothing happens in the end), murder (of the Orcs), Celebrimbor has gone mad-mad, immaculate conception (yes, again!)

WORD COUNT — 4,450

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

BLESSED (III)

Celebrimbor was out of his mind again. Your heart ached for him as you were sitting next to him and caressing his hair softly as if he was a child. He had spent centuries taking care of you and now it was your turn to return the favour. You kept sobbing, feeling angry at yourself that you could not protect him.

Sauron was gone. After finding out where The Rings were, he had left in a hurry, leaving you with a few Orcs that had come to the forge in the meantime. They wanted to plead their allegiance to your husband and the very first task they had been given was to watch over you, your daughter and your uncle. To make sure none of you would escape.

Almárea was not scared of them, which surprised you. In fact, she approached them and kept asking them a million questions as the Orcs were growing a little frustrated with her curiosity. They were, however, answering all her questions patiently. You cracked a smile at that. She was still a child – curious and so full of life.

So full of light, too. You could not let the darkness win within her.

“I shall not allow him to hurt you, uncle. I shall not, I promise,” you kissed Celebrimbor’s forehead and your uncle looked up at you with hazy eyes and a loving smile. “You have endured and suffered so much because of him already. But no more, no more, uncle… Now you must rest.”

“Your daughter…” He mumbled out and you looked down at his face with a sad smile. “Is she not the most precious? She is the exact copy of you, sweet (Y/N). You were a girl like her once, running around this very forge.”

“I remember, uncle,” you sobbed. “I remember it vividly. My father and you working together, my mother still happy and full of life, before she began a lifetime of mourning. I remember…”

You pulled him closer and tried to come up with an idea how to save him. Even if Sauron would not kill him – he had made this promise to Almárea when she had revealed to him Lady Galadriel had been the one to have The Rings now and you wanted to believe he would keep that promise – you still had a feeling your husband would use Celebrimbor somehow or hurt him. 

“Almárea?” You called out for her and she turned around to lay her eyes upon you. You beckoned her over and she nodded at the Orcs before running up to you. “Almárea, do you want uncle Celebrimbor to be safe?”

“Of course, mummy,” your daughter’s eyes widened.

“Can you distract them as I walk him out of here? I will be right back,” you whispered as you pointed at the Orcs with your chin.

“I do not know, mummy… Last time I listened to you, daddy was very angry…” She looked down, nervously.

“Almárea, please. Do you love uncle Celebrimbor?” You asked.

“Yes, of course,” she nodded.

“Then, please…”

“But will you come back to me? Truly?” She lifted up her eyes and looked into yours with a hint of anxiety.

“My darling, always. I shall never abandon you,” you promised, truthfully. Your heart ached at the thought she was not as sure of it as you were.

Eventually, she nodded as she turned around towards the Orcs once more. She ran up to them joyfully and kept asking them questions. When you moved up, dragging Celebrimbor with you, they did not even flinch, which meant that your daughter’s deception was working.

You felt bad for leaving her with them even for a short moment but at this moment it was your uncle who was the most vulnerable and who needed you more. You owed him that, at least.

You walked him out of the forge and hurried to the secret tunnel below the city. The Orcs who had taken over Eregion were feasting now in havoc in the courtyard, which distracted them enough to make it possible for you to lead your uncle safely to the passage.

You walked inside with him and he was following you like a trusting child. In the middle of the passage, you bumped into Herald Elrond. Your heart was in joy to see him and to know that he was safe. He had been some sort of a cousin to you – his father had also been a friend of Celebrimbor and he also was a half-Elf. You had many things in common and you had been close friends in your youth.

“(Y/N), thank the Valar,” he sighed. “Where is your daughter? I was sent here by the High King to make an attempt to rescue you and–” He began.

“I must go back,” you shook your head with your eyes full of tears. “Take uncle Celebrimbor to safety. Heal his mind. Forget about me,” you pleaded and he furrowed his brows.

“What are you talking about?” He asked. “Where is Almárea?”

“Please, Elrond. You must not know,” you insisted before kissing your uncle’s forehead once more and caressing his cheeks to tell him goodbye.

“(Y/N)!” Elrond called out for you when you turned around to go back to Eregion and to your daughter.

“If you love me and respect me,” you began. “If you love Celebrimbor… Just take him away from here. That is all I ask for,” you insisted and hurried back to Eregion. “Do not follow me!” You exclaimed after hearing him trying to rush after you.

He eventually listened to you because he had a huge love for Celebrimbor and he could see the state of him was not the best. You heard the sound of their steps subduing as you went back to Eregion. 

You went back to the forge, feeling a bit more peaceful on the inside, knowing that you managed to save your uncle from Sauron. You nodded at Almárea and she nodded back at you, visibly relieved to see you coming back to her.

Her father came back not long after, too. He was wearing a breastplate and holding Morgoth’s crown in his hand, which was dripping blood – you could feel from afar its purity and light. It was Elven.

“Have you killed her?” You whispered with widened eyes.

“Sadly, no,” Sauron answered with a smirk. “But I got The Nine,” he added and you looked away, feeling defeated. “Speaking of, where is Celebrimbor?”

“Far away,” you mumbled out, expecting him to lash out.

Surprisingly, he did not. He shrugged his arms.

“Whatever. He is no use to me anymore. Almárea, we are leaving,” he extended his free hand and nodded at her.

“You cannot take her away from me!” You turned your head around again to watch what she would do. She hesitated but then she ran up to him and squeezed his hand, which felt like a punch straight into your heart.

“Where are we going, daddy?” She asked.

“To our new home,” Sauron answered and turned around, dragging her behind him but she remained still. “What is it?” He asked with an irritated sigh.

“We are taking mummy with us, right?” She asked.

Long silence occurred. Sauron laid his cold and empty eyes upon you, sitting on the floor with your back pressed to the wall and crying silent tears.

“It is her choice,” he answered, softly, “but I doubt she wants to go with us.”

“On the contrary. I have no choice,” you gritted your teeth, clumsily standing up. “I must go where she goes. Even if it is a path I hate to follow.”

“Do you truly realise who I am?” Your husband titled his head at your words. “All the stories they have told you about me when you were a child – I am worse than any of them.”

“I am fully aware,” you approached him and held Almárea’s free hand. “And that is why I must go to make sure you do not turn her into a monster like you.”

It took you a few days of travel with the filthy army of Orcs to get to Mordor. You and Sauron did not exchange a single word during this trip. Almárea was riding with you on your horse for half of the day and then she would go to ride with her father. You made no stops on your way, so after arriving in Mordor, you and your daughter were exhausted.

The land was dark and barren, full of fire and ashes. It looked like hell but you decided not to complain because you realised you were on thin ice already – Sauron did not treat you like his consort in any way. Apparently, you would be nothing but a mother to his child from now on. Any sign of disobedience could be punished with exile and that was the last thing you wanted. You needed to be close to your daughter.

He ordered the Orcs to build him a grand fortress but until then, you resided in a big mansion that had once belonged to a rich human family of The Southlands. You had an awful view of Mount Doom from there and the rooms were all beautifully decorated but also dusty and worn out.

Once again – you did not complain. You did not dare.

You followed Sauron to the chambers he had decided would be yours and Almárea’s. He was carrying her in his arms as she was half-asleep already. You watched him put her to bed and caress her head as you sat down on the chair next to the bed. You held her little hand and squeezed it lovingly, watching her drift off to the land of dreams. Those past few days had been difficult and exhausting for her.

Sauron straightened his back and looked down at you with a bit of contempt but also affection – mixed together, they made you feel deeply uncomfortable.

“Do you remember?” He asked, speaking his very first sentence to you in days.

You furrowed your brows and looked up at him, questioningly. Your husband extended his hand and touched your cheek with it.

At that moment, your vision got blurry and you felt yourself go back in time a few years to one, specific memory. One of the most beautiful days you had ever lived.

You were sitting by the river, in a field full of flowers. Almárea was about a year old and clumsily taking her first steps. You watched Annatar helping her and chuckling at her harmless but funny falls as she kept giggling and blabbering, excitedly. The sun was slowly setting and you felt at peace. You truly believed your whole life would be just like that.

When Sauron took his hand away from your face, you found yourself back in Mordor, stripped of any faith and any dignity.

“Why did you show me that?” You asked him, angrily, as your eyes filled with fresh tears.

“It was the only moment when I felt that I should, perhaps, abandon my old life and remain in Eregion as Annatar by your side forever,” he confessed.

“Perhaps you should have,” was all you answered, in a whisper nearly inaudible as you watched him walk away with tears streaming down your cheeks.

You had cried out so many of them recently that you were starting to feel hollow and empty.

Weeks passed, maybe months. You had lost track of time since all your days were the same. You were given quite a lot of freedom because Sauron was sure you would never leave his side as long as Almárea was there. You were allowed to walk around the mansion and even take walks although you did not crave them at all since Mordor was not the perfect place to spend time outside.

You were barely exchanging any words with your husband and you seemed to avoid each other. However, he was making sure you were not short on anything. Once in a while there was a package waiting for you on your bed. Inside it you would find gifts – books to read or new dresses. And yesterday you had found an embroidery set, which filled your heart with joy.

You missed embroidery and you even considered it quite thoughtful that he had remembered about it. So, you were sitting by the window and focusing on your craft, trying to recreate Mount Doom, which your daughter loved for some reason. You wanted to make her happy.

You were focused on your work when the doors opened loudly, making you misplace the needle and hurt yourself as you hissed and looked up at your husband.

“Where is Almárea?” He asked, looking around the room.

“Is she not with you? Are you not teaching her your craft of treachery and deception like every day?” You asked with a sigh, defeated.

Sauron rolled his eyes but decided not to comment on your remark.

“I told her to go back to her mother about two hours ago,” he informed you and your heart skipped a beat at that revelation.

“Why didn’t you walk her here yourself?” You asked.

“I had an important matter to attend to and it is not like she is a toddler, is it?” Sauron clenched his jaw but you spotted a glimpse of panic in his eyes. “Where is she?”

“How can I know?! I thought she was with you!” You stood up instantly and put your embroidery set down before rushing out of your chambers. “Almárea!” You called out. “Almárea!”

“Have you seen Lady Almárea?” Sauron asked one of the Orcs walking down the hall.

“N-no, my Lord Sauron,” the Orc shook his head and you watched your husband sit his throat just like that. Usually, you found this behaviour of his dreadful. But now you were too scared and worried for your daughter to care

You kept searching for her all over the mansion, calling out her name, leaving a pile of dead Orcs behind because none of them could answer Sauron about Almárea’s location.

“I think she must have gone outside,” you said after bumping into your husband in the corridor. You watched his eyes widen even further in terror and concern. You snorted at that. “What are you? Scared of losing your precious tool?” You asked him with contempt.

That only angered him further as he grabbed your arm and squeezed it so tightly that you were sure there was a bruise forming already.

“Do not ever say that again,” he drawled out through gritted teeth right into your face. “Do not speak of matters you have no idea of.”

You swallowed thickly and nodded. Despite everything between you two – it seemed like you shared a thread together and that was love for your daughter. And because you were a worried mother, you regretted inflicting any pain upon a worried father.

“Forgive me,” you whispered and he let go of your arm.

“Do you have any idea where she could go?” Sauron asked you and you shook your head before freezing as you realised.

“Mount Doom,” you whispered. “For some reason, she adores it,” you explained.

“We must not waste any moment then,” Sauron grabbed your wrist and dragged you behind him as you two ran out of the mansion.

The forsaken volcano was not very far away from your home but it still took you quite a while to get there. The air was poisonous around it, making you choke and tear up. You were no mortal, therefore you were in no danger, but it was still an inconvenience. 

“If anything happened to her, I shall be the one to kill you, whatever it takes!” You threatened your husband and he did not even say anything to this. He let go of your wrist and proceeded to climb up.

You followed him but in many places the ground was slippery and you needed his support. His hand would grab you each time you stumbled and pull you up.

Breathing heavily, both covered in dirt from the ashes, you stood there, petrified, seeing Almárea sitting by the edge of the volcano and staring at it spitting out fire. She seemed to be content with her position. You looked up at Sauron with terror in your eyes and he left you behind to approach your daughter with extended hands.

“Almárea, what are you doing here? Have you not been told to never go outside without me or your mother?” Sauron asked, carefully.

“Ugh, daddy, I know, I am sorry. I was just so curious about this mountain and guess what? It is even better than I have imagined,” she confessed with a smile. “Do you know what it reminds me of?”

“What, Almárea?” He asked, taking a few more small steps closer to her.

“A forge,” she answered. “I miss uncle Celebrimbor’s one and this place makes me feel as if I was back there. Oh, daddy, can you imagine all the beautiful things we could craft here?” She asked with a smile.

Sauron froze for a moment as you watched the scene with a raised eyebrow. He looked around as if he had just realised something brilliant.

“Yes, I can, my darling. And we will,” he assured her. “But please, come to me and mummy now, will you?” He extended his hand even further and she nodded, eagerly.

You both gasped watching her stand up because one little wrong move could cause her to fall down the volcano. She, however, seemed to be oblivious. She skipped along towards her father and Sauron picked her up in an instant, squeezing her tight and caressing the back of her head.

Your heart swelled inside your chest at the realisation that he truly cared for her and truly loved her  – even if it was not enough to save her from making her play a part in his schemes.

“Can we go back home, please?” You pleaded and it was the very first time you called that awful place your home.

Sauron nodded at you and you began your walk down the mountain. You were still shaking slightly and holding onto his sleeve to make sure you would not fall. Just like in the old days, he was bringing you comfort and safety – he was making you feel protected even if it was only being protected from a fall.

When you reached your mansion, Sauron took Almárea to the chambers she shared with you. Her skin and robes were dirty with mud and ashes, therefore you prepared her a bath and helped her to undress and get inside the bathtub.

“Call for me if you need anything,” you told her as you placed a new dress on the chair for her to dress herself into after the bath. “Be careful, my darling,” you smiled at her and left her alone in the bathroom, although you left the door ajar just in case.

Sauron was still inside your chambers and staring out of the window at Mount Doom. You sighed at the sight of his back turned on you and you decided to approach him softly.

Your hands acted before you allowed them to and they placed themselves on his arm softly. Your body ached for him and his presence; it was too used to his touch.

He flinched a little and turned his head around to look down at you with a puzzled expression.

“I miss you,” you confessed. “I miss being close to you,” you added.

“You miss Annatar, not me,” he shrugged his arms and looked out of the window again.

“Was Annatar not you? From the very beginning, my husband was Sauron. I only chose to be blind to see it,” you whispered and he looked back at you again, surprised to hear your words.

“Do I not repulse you?” He snorted.

“It does not change the fact I love you still,” you sighed and pressed your cheek to his arm. You both remained dirty from the ashes but you did not mind that all because today’s shared experience of fear and concern for your daughter had brought you two close together once more.

“Your love differs from mine,” he pointed out, a little harshly.

“It has not escaped me,” you let out a chuckle and nuzzled your face deeper into his sleeve. “But it is alright that we love differently. I do not want to be your Queen, I do not want you to share your power with me. All I want is to–”

“Have a family with me,” Sauron finished the sentence softly and you looked up at him, gently. It was the very first time in a long time when your eyes filled with affection for him again. “I was never keen on the idea of having offspring,” he admitted. “But then you made me realise what a blessing children might be,” he cracked a smile and raised his hand to caress your cheek. “I was terrified of my potential child stealing my powers and overthrowing me but Almárea… Her powers and her mind terrify me in the most exquisite way. Do you know why she is so perfect?” He asked and you shook your head. “Because she is half you. She is half light and half darkness. The perfect balance and what else could possibly heal Middle-earth?”

You hated yourself but you found yourself falling for his beautiful words once again. You could never be sure after everything that had happened if his sweet nothings, promises and love declarations were ever genuine. Perhaps, you would forever wonder about it. But despite all of that, the dreadful memories of Eregion’s downfall and his behaviour then were becoming blurry with time and you were ready to move on; to start another chapter with him.

And, as usual, you had an excuse for your husband, too. He had been nervous then. Of course he had been the worst version of himself. But it did not mean he would always be like this. Right now he was not.

“Come here, my love,” Sauron pulled you closer and wrapped his arms around you. “Oh, how I have missed you, too, my darling. And even though it brought me great pain, I knew I had to wait for you to come to me out of your own free will.”

“Here I stand,” you whispered and a single tear streamed down your cheek.

“Almárea asked me about us,” Sauron put his hands on your arms and moved away slightly to be able to look at your face. “She wonders if we still love each other. I told her it was complicated.”

“I told her the very same thing,” you smiled sadly.

“But it is not, is it?” He raised an eyebrow and you shook your head, laughing nervously through your tears.

“No,” you admitted. “It is not.”

“It is true that I had my reasons to choose you out of all Elven maidens. And it is true that I was scared of having a son with you because I thought that the chances of a son overthrowing me would be higher,” he admitted and you furrowed your brows. “But you have become the most dear to me, the most precious,” he confessed and turned you around, making you look at Mount Doom as his hands lowered themselves to your abdomen.

You knew what he was about to do. You flinched at first, torn on the inside if it was truly what you wanted. Last time you had been deceived but now you would willingly allow it, despite knowing the true nature of the man who was your husband.

You looked down at his hands resting on your womb. He was still wearing a golden ring on his finger that you had put there on the day of your wedding. And you were still wearing yours because you still loved him despite hating yourself for it. You still wanted to be around him as if he was something addictive that you could not live without. And your womb was still open for more of his offspring.

You relaxed and when he sensed your consent, you could feel the warmth radiating off of his hands and filling you up, forming a new life inside of you.

You put your hands on top of his and squeezed them for courage.

“A son,” he whispered into your ear with lots of satisfaction and excitement.

“Another tool for you to use,” you pointed out.

“Another child for you to love and spoil,” Sauron brushed your hair strand and leaned in to kiss your cheek. “Another thread of love binding us together.”

“Mummy? Daddy?” Almárea’s voice made you both turn around. She walked out of the bathroom in her new dress and kept looking at you two with a big grin. “Does it mean you are in love again?” She asked, full of hope.

“Oh, my darling, we have never stopped being in love,” you assured her and opened your arms to allow her to give you a hug. You did not want her to know all the details about the nature of your relationship with her father. She had already seen and witnessed way too much.

She wrapped her arms around you and hugged you tight, which only made her smile grow even wider as she looked up.

“I am going to have a sibling!” She exclaimed, happily, after sensing the new life inside of you.

“You are going to have many,” Sauron spoke as he reached his hand out to caress her hair. “And each of you will get their own kingdom to rule over in my name and their own Ring,” he shared his new plan as a shiver went down your spine. “And all Middle-earth will be healed at once for your mother’s light and my darkness combine like two precious metals; balancing and amplifying everything I could ever be on my own.”

“But… But you will still rule over us all, right, daddy?” Almárea asked hopefully, as if she was already scared of the responsibility that one day would be put upon her shoulders.

“Oh, of course, little one,” Sauron smiled lovingly at her. “I shall always bear the biggest burden of power for that is a father’s one to carry.”

He loved her – of that you were sure now. But no amount of his love could protect her from his schemes and his manipulations. Therefore, he had to love you as well and no amount of cruelty he had put you through contradicted it.

That was the way Sauron loved. It was a cursed devotion but also a blessed one.

MASTERLIST

[mrschristensen]

okii so i have idea- so older hayden with like a younger reader like in her early twenties blah blah blah. theyre dating and he says i love you and reader gets scared because of her past relationship with her ex which was toxic and then he reassures her and everything and then maybe some soft love making???

It's Amazing How Strong Love Is When It's True

WARNINGS: eventual smut/porn w plot/sexual content (READ AT YOUR OWN RISK), piv sex, protected sex, angsty (does have a good ending), implications of age gap, trauma from previous toxic relationship, mentions of sexual assault/harassment and abuse, confession of love (though already in an established relationship), pet names/name calling (baby), praise, lmk if I missed any!

synopsis: Though haunted by her dark past, Hayden's girlfriend realizes what might be the most important thing in her life: She is truly, unconditionally loved.

-> note: I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG 😭 I HOPE YOU ENJOY LUV <333

WC: 726 words

"I love you."

Her breath caught in her throat at his words, hesitating. Then memories flickered and collided with her vision, recalling the trauma from being with such a vile man before Hayden. It was the worst time of her life, and she couldn't be more grateful to have someone who she actually, truly loved.

However, that wasn't her case right now. What if he was lying? What if he was trying to give her a false sense of security so he would just get his way in the end? It wouldn't surprise her, given that he was older than her; he had more experience, maybe he was just trying to get rid of her quicker. What the hell was going on here?

"I-I can't do this right now," she managed to blurt out, and she quickly hastened towards their shared bedroom, ignoring his sudden shock and pleas for her to come back. She couldn't take this, she needed time to think. But did she really?

She had never felt this way before, not even for her ex. That was all forced; this was voluntary. But it was so unclear, the black and white becoming blurry and colliding with one another until it formed into this plethora of confusion. Her heart ached, longed for his touch, his scent, his everything. But did he truly feel the same way?

"Baby, please," he begged on the other side of the door, not knocking or trying to force his way in unlike her former "lover" had done in the past. He was being patient, though he was desperate. He was being respectful, though his emotions were in overdrive. But he then realized. "Is it about him?"

She stopped once more, seeming like an eternity before she responded ever so quietly. "...Yes."

She could hear his sigh from against the wooden barrier between them, and she kept overthinking once more. Was he disappointed? Angry? Distraught? Was he going to do things to her she'll never forget, but in ways that weren't so ideal?

"...Can I please come in?" he asks gently, and though she was hesitant, she shakily unlocked and opened the door. He noticed her trembling form, the pained expression on her face even though she tried to hide it the best she could. All he could feel was guilt.

"Oh, baby," he whispered, opening his arms slightly as to not scare her further. "C'mere."

She was in his arms in seconds, burying her face in his neck and on the brink of tears. She hated crying, so she tried to hold them in, but they ended up falling anyways. He had a way with her that was indescribable, internal, that she could just let her guard down and let all her emotions spill out without feeling even a drop of remorse.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers shakily to him, feeling so bad that she had simply shut him out like that. All he wanted to do was let her know she was appreciated, that she was loved, by him. Not that wretch they call a man, not anyone else in the universe; him.

"You shouldn't apologize when you did nothing wrong," he murmurs, pressing an ever so gentle kiss to her temple and embracing her gently yet firmly.

They were simply there for what seemed like an eternity, holding each other in their arms and being together. She eventually calmed down, realizing he was indeed telling the truth. Of course he was, why would she deny it in the first place?

And then they were on each other in the blink of an eye, eagerly ridding the other of their clothes and rolling hips against hips.

He let out a low moan, keeping her in his hold as he gently thrust in and out of her tight heat. "Wanna take my time with you," he pants, "show you how much you mean to me."

He pressed soft, open-mouthed kisses to her neck and face, as if worshipping her for who she was. "I can't believe you're mine,"

It was passionate, romantic, and the best thing in the world at that moment. Soft music hummed in the background, the sunset from outside peeking through and setting the atmosphere. Gentle, beautiful, euphoric. And they knew that they would be there for each other through anything, no matter what it took.

[soheeunderthesun]

SINS WE CANT UNDO

~𐙚⋆° — ONE SHOT

You adore her. You really do. She's the best person you've ever met. Kind, loyal, smart, everything you wanted to be. So why, why can't you stop thinking about her ex? Scratch that. What the hell are you doing alone in the bathroom with him at a party, knowing she’s downstairs drowning her sorrows in cheap liquor at the thought of her ex? 

You should be down there with her, comforting her, protecting her. Instead, here you are at the last place you should be.

You adore your best friend. You know what she deserves and what you're doing right now... is the last thing she deserves.

wc - 8.3k

~~𐙚⋆° pairing — best friend's ex!eunseok x female reader

~~~𐙚⋆° features — Shotaro and Seunghan of RIIZE, Aeri of aespa and Kazuha of le sserafim.

~~~~𐙚⋆° genre — college au and forbidden love

~~~~~𐙚⋆° warning — cursing, smut (MDNI), moral ambiguity, and toxic behaviour by both main characters.

!AUTHORS NOTE! — My FIRST fic say whaaat? Okay idk if I even made this angsty enough.. I feel like it’s not.. 😭😭 yn is a really trying to blame everything on eunseok, a lot of accusing.. poor guy. Its like Elena Gilbert (The vampire diaries) in a different font. wait am I spoiling my own story? oops.. well just be prepared for the frustration youll feel.

This work is a work of fiction and is NOT intended to reflect the real-life personalities or actions of the individuals portrayed. This is for entertainment purposes only!

Tiny chipped remnants of pink nail polish scatter across your lap. The color is a faded pink but now reduced to smudged irregular dots that cling stubbornly to the fabric of the black dress you are wearing. The edges of the polish is uneven, a sign of your restless scratching, hoping that the motion somehow could peel away the war inside your head. 

"Should I go for black or brown eyeliner?" Kazuha asks you.

Her voice is light as she sits a few meters away at her makeup table, the soft hum of the fan interrupted only by the subtle click of her makeup brushes. She applies her concealer and dabs it onto the high points of her face where she wants to brighten her already perfect complexion. She dabs on her cheekbones, the bridge of her nose and under her eyes. You simply just watch her for a moment. Her gaze focused on the mirror while she works on her face, blending the product in with smooth and precise strokes.

You shoot your eyes around her room and immediately notice the almost ethereal aesthetic she’s made. Her bed is queen-sized with a beige colored duvet and layers of baby blue throw pillows, it’s neatly made, like it always is when you come over. There is a faint scent of lavender in the air, her signature smell. Kazuha has always liked the smell of the fresh flowers, so she’ll make sure to have a vase on her windowsill. Fairy lights are strung up around the edges of her ceiling, casting a warm and soft glow across the room. Her bookshelf against the wall is stacked high with mangas, and even some of the books are thoroughly used, due to the spine being creased. 

Your gaze then drifts to the walls as you scan the several photos that are framed, many familiar moments you've shared together. One of them being a picture from after her dance performance, a picture where she was practically glowing with excitement in her shimmering ballerina costume, her face was flushed with the rush of adrenaline and pride. She had been so eager and so alive in that moment as her eyes sparkled with pure joy. You remember how she couldn’t wait to take a picture with you and Aeri, her voice trembling slightly with excitement as she tugged you both closer to her. There are other photos scattered across the wall as well, some of them are her alone, with other friends and a couple more of you and Aeri. You glance down and your attention falls on the small bin. It’s overflowing with crumpled paper and what looks like a stack of discarded photos. Immediately there is a picture that stands out, a shot of her and Eunseok. A picture of her kissing his cheek.

A sudden memory flashes through your mind and with that comes a rush of guilt and a tight knot forms in your chest. It tightens with every passing second, pulling the breath from your lungs and suddenly the room feels small. You stare at your best friend trying to focus on the way she applies her makeup but all you can see now is in front of you is her trusting eyes and the thought of what you’ve done, what you’ve taken from her.

"Uhmm.. I think brown makes you look more soft" a forced smile appear on your face as you keep your gaze steady on her even though your mind is racing.

"Whereas black... black makes you look hot and uhm. Bold.. more bold "

The pulse of your heart thuds too loud in your ear drums. You didn't know your heart could race this fast. You hope she doesn’t notice your behavior and see how distracted you really are. The memory of last week resurfaces, how his touch still linger from the way his hands held your body, as if it burned your skin leaving it with invisible marks. It wasn’t supposed to happen of course. You weren’t supposed to cross that line. 

Kazuha doesn’t know.. she doesn't know anything.. how could she?

"Well then black it is” Kazuha's voice is calm “I need to show Eunseok what he lost"

Her eyes flicker to her reflection in the mirror as she applies the black eyeliner. The words hang in the air and for a moment everything feels suspended, like if time froze long enough just for you to fully absorb what she said.

What he lost

You stay silent as you watch her fingers delicaetly trace the outline of her eyes. It’s so easy for her to say those words but you know the truth behind them, it's like she’s trying to convince herself and even convince you that she’s moved on, that she’s over Eunseok. But you know she’s not and worse than that, you know she might never be.

Your gaze then drifts back to your own hands and without thinking, you return to scraping the chipped remnants of the nail polish off your nails. The motion is automatic like a mindless distraction but it feels almost comforting in its repetition, as if it’s the only thing you can control in a moment that suddenly feels completely out of your hands.

"Okay spill. Is there something wrong?" Classic Kazuha, she always knew when there was something off with you.

"You've been quiet ever since you showed up" She sits back and takes a moment to admire her work in the mirror but then she turns to you and her expression softens. "You usually tell me anything yn.. especially when it troubles your cute little head"

You usually tell me anything

you really do

she is your best friend for fucks sake!

oh you such are a horrible person yn

You force a smile as Kazuha is waiting for you to say something, but if you speak and admit to what you've done you will ruin everything.

You’ll ruin her

"No.. I’m okay" you say "Just a little tired. Maybe some tequila can revive me back"

You try to make it sound casual but the words come out a bit too fast and a little too eager than you wanted, making her study you for a beat longer than you’re comfortable with. The concern in her gaze deepens but she doesn’t push you yet. Instead she leans back slightly as her fingers brush through her iron-curled hair.

"You sure?"

“Mhm”

"Or if you don’t feel like partying, Aeri can just drop you home on the way to the party"

oh

an escape route

For a moment the temptation to take that route and to walk away and let the world pretend like nothing ever happened feels like the better option.

You can’t. Not now yn

Instead you shake your head quickly and hope she doesn’t notice the way your fingers tremble, as you brush another few chips of polish off your nails.

"No I’m fine I swear! let’s just go. I'm ready whenever you are"

FLASHBACK

You've known Kazuha for years now, years of being friends means you’ve seen her at her worst and at her most vulnerable moments. But this version of her? This side of her that’s sitting in front of you, with a tear-streaked face and barely holding it together has never appeared on the face of the earth until now. It’s a stark contrast to the girl you’ve always known, the confident self-assured Kazuha who was always the first to speak up for you or for anyone in general, because she could not bare the thought of someone being hurt or unfairly treated, even if it comes to herself. Seeing her like this in front of you feels almost ironic. Your best friend who once held the world in her hands looks so small now. 

Small and fragile.

Maybe it’s shows in the the way her brown eyes doesn’t meet your own, or the way her voice cracks when she speaks thick with snot, the hurt in her voice cutting through your body like a knife. You have seen Kazuha in love of course, brief ones, fleeting ones, but with Eunseok it was another story. Everyone thought it was something so pure and real what they had, and something they could hold onto forever. 

Now she’s silent as her lips tremble with her hands twisting together on her lap.

“..he doesn’t love me anymore” You could barely hear her voice.

 "I thought..." .. “I thought... we were… going to last” .. “and now I’m just.." She chokes on her words and buries her face in her hands.

You want to touch her and fix all of the pieces of her heart back together, say to her that it'll be alright. But you stop yourself, because you know that there are no easy words for this kind of pain she feels, no distractions and no jokes will make the heartbreak quicker to fade away. 

You feel it. Her hopelessness. You don't understand it though. You dont understand Eunseok. Eunseok for all his charm and sweetness didn't even have the decency to explain himself. Not a single explanation. Why? it doesn't look like Eunseok at all.

The Eunseok who has people wrapped around his finger by the second you meet him. Eunseok stood like he was the sun, the center of it all and you were desperate for a touch of the warmth he gave. He wasn’t just another handsome face in a crowd, it wasn’t only his appearance that left an impression, no there was something charming about him, in his own way. He wasn't big on romantic gestures or being overly kind, he simply treats people fairly and attentivly and it made you wonder how someone so gentle could’ve ended up as Kazuhas ex.

Sure, he was her ex, but you couldn’t help noticing how he’d have a big smile on his face when you´d talk with him, how he likes to tease and invite little jokes to your conversations. He’d remember to always ask you if you’ve eaten or slept well, always cared if you were doing okay, so naturally it made you enjoy his company. He wasn't just Kazuha's boyfriend around you, he was a Eunseok. Eunseok who made your heart flutter and beat a little quicker.

“I need you to go to his place” You blink, unsure if you’ve heard her right. She looks at you, eyes so tired and so lost, flickering with desperation or more like defeat. 

“I need you to pick up my things... Please yn" Her voice cracks when mentioning your name, but she doesn’t look away.

This is what she wants. This is what she needs yn

“Yeah.. I’ll do it”

 "I need everything, pick up all of my things"

You stand up and reach for your bag. “I’ll go get them Kazuha. I’ll bring everything back, I promise” She doesn’t look at you as you turn to leave and you wonder if she even notices you walk out her bedroom door.

-

You have already knocked twice and you feel how your hands slightly tremble when you reach out to knock for the third time.

Maybe he isn't home

you should just leave yn

you can get her stuff another day

But then the door swings open before you could take a step towards the stairs to your right, and in front of you stands Eunseok. His dark hair is tousled and the familiar warm brown eyes appears in front of you. He looks… fine? normal? as if he didn't just break it off with his girlfriend two weeks ago. You see that he doesn’t immediately step aside, he just stands there in the doorway while his hand rests on the doorframe. You shift uncomfortably.

“Hey” You’re not even sure if you’re addressing him or just making up for the silence around you.

“Hey yn”

“Kazuha asked me to come get some of her stuff”

You wait for his response and it feels like forever and you can't help but think if Kazuha wrote to him telling him that you were coming. But you doubt it, she has probably already deleted all kinds of contact with him.

“Oh sure yeah, come in” 

You follow him into the room and your eyes fall on the couch where Kazuha’s belongings are. You see her soft grey hoodie being slightly crumpled and nearby lays a collection of skincare products, you notice the high-end serums and creams and how the sleek glass bottles catch the light from the lamp. You don’t turn around to face Eunseok. You feel like he is waiting for you to talk about the situation, maybe he wants you to ask him how he’s been doing or if he’s okay or if there’s any part of him that’s struggling like Kazuha is. But you dont wanna do that, instead you walk towards the couch to retrieve her belongings.

“How’s uhm Kazuha?.. How’s she's doing?”

You pause your actions as were about to grab her hoodie. The question doesnt surprise you, so you find yourself responding.

“she’s hurting...”

“Yeah.. I can imagine” .. “Im sorry.. I just… I couldn’t do it anymore, couldnt be with her anymore”

You’re still standing there, still havent picked up her hoodie yet. You dont really know how to respond to him.

Couldn’t do it anymore? what the fuck does that even mean?

It feels like he’s asking for more than just an answer, like he's waiting for you to say something or maybe understand something. The silence is loud between you, loud with all the things neither of you are saying right now. Kind of like a strange feeling of vulnerability hanging in the air, like he’s offering you a chance to step into something, something that neither of you have talked about before.

“I don’t regret it you know” .. “I dont regret breaking up with her. I just wish things could’ve been different”

You turn to look at him. Eunseok steps closer standing tall with his lean athletic build just a few inches from you. His eyes flicker over you, it scares you how you feel a flutter of something in your chest, something that’s so wrong. It's something you’ve never allowed yourself to feel.

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” He looks at you like he’s waiting for an answer, as if your opinion might make a difference to the whole situation.

Is he asking me for reassurance? or is he..

You shake the thought away you shouldnt even entertain it. You try to ignore it and try to focus on Kazuha and her things but Eunseok’s presence right now and his gaze… it’s fucking with your head.

“Maybe” you finally answer him “but she’ll need time”

You think the conversation is over, but then he decides to stand closer to you.

“I hope she forgives me” Eunseok says “Cause I don’t want to lose you too yn”

The space between now feels intimate and all you can focus on is the heat that’s rising in your skin, its burning. You try to look at anything but his eyes. There’s a war in your head, your emotions fighting against each other. You’re confused, you’re heartbroken, hell you are even angry at him. For putting you in this situation and for bringing this up now. You open your mouth to say something.

“Why did you say that?”

He hesistates for a moment “..Because I can’t let you stand there and watch us pretend like there’s nothing between us”

Eunseok steps closer and this time you don’t wanna run away. His breath is warm against your skin as he reaches out, his hand brushing against yours a light touch that feels almost like electricity going through your veins.

“You don’t have to say anything” … “I know it’s complicated. I know you’re hurting for her" his hand is now gently cupping your burning cheek. “I need you to know how much I..” He stops, his lips hovering just above your own.

Now would be a good time to pull away. You should be driving back to Kazuha and hand her the things you came here for. You should be thinking about the trust that you’re about to shatter. But In that split second you are thinking about that, Eunseok leans his body down to you making your heart thunder loud and furious against your ribcage. You don’t know why. You don’t know how. All you know is that his lips are on you now. So soft and so tender.

There’s no force in the kiss, no recklessness in your movements. It’s slow and searching when his lips move against yours. You feel the guilt start to fade into the void as you let yourself feel the heat that rushes through your body. You let him pull you closer, your arms grabbing around the back of his neck and you forget that you’re kissing the man who just broke Kazuha’s heart. His hand then slides to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss. you respond by opening your mouth to let his tongue slide in you, with a hunger that hasn’t been fed. The room feels like it’s spinning but Eunseok makes you feel steady. Just the pressure and slight teasing of his tongue against yours, his fingers going through your hair and the warmth of his body, It’s intoxicating.

You let him drag you to his room not too far away from where you just were, the hoodie and skincare long forgotten as he lays you down gently on his bed. He leans down to kiss you again, this time with more eagerness. You know he is desperate to keep you close, you feel it in the way he holds your waist firmly as if you’d vanish into thin air if he lets go. The hand on your jaw moves down towards the hem of your pants.

“Are you okay with this?” You open your eyes to look at him.

You nod your head, you know that if you spoke, no sound will come out and you were certain to not let this moment slip away from you. You wanted Eunseok you have longed for him and you had him now right in front of you. You know its selfish, but the selfishness of it all doesn't taste bitter on your tongue anymore, it doesn’t stop you from threading your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. His soft hands roam around your body, as his fingers slide underneath your shirt to squeeze and massage your breast, making you gasp softly from how good it feels.

You try to button up your pants, but fail due to how he grins against your clothed core. Oh he is so big and so hard. It feels too good and you haven't even taken your clothes off. "fuck" .. "I need you" he slurred as he grins against you harder, letting his lips trail down your neck, his hot breath on your skin.

His movements comes to a halt as he takes his hands down to help you unbutton your pants, letting Eunseok throw them some place on the floor followed by your underwear. He then tilt your chin to make you look at him as he the seals your lips together again, his teeth tugging at your bottom lip to let him inside your mouth, you oblige as the slickness of his tongue mix with your own.

His hand travels down to where your thighs were and you open them further to reveal your exposed pussy, his hands greedy on your soft inner thighs , deeply massaging into the flesh which pulls out a whimper from you.

“Fuck Eunseok”

You could feel his fingers travel up towards your aching folds, so wet and ready for him. A second later he pushes two fingers inside, making you arch your back, his fingers are long, reaching deep. He moves in an agonizing slow pace.

"Eunseok.. please.." you whine. you want him to move faster, you grow eager as you take the wrist of his hand, and you start thrusting his fingers in you faster, you cant help but meet the thrust halfway. He chuckles against your lips as he lets you take control of his fingers inside you for a while before he finally gives into your desperation.

"nngh- more please" you plead.

He adds a third finger inside you and starts tormenting your hole curling them to hit the sweet spot inside you.

"fuck you are so tight.. even just by my fingers" he says, now adding pressure on your clit, rubbing it in circles as it makes your body go into overdrive, every sense of yours heightened. He nibs at your earlobe as he feels your walls contract around his fingers. His thrust becoming even more faster and harder, the sensation from his deep fingers inside you, the rubbing on your clit and him now sucking down your throat makes your body arch and shake for a release.

"fuck ngh! Eunseok dont stop" your eyebrows furrow as you plead him to keep his pace. Eunseok could hear how your low whines become louder. "Keep going, im close" you say as your eyes try to look down and focus on how his fingers slide in and out of you. Eunseok is captivated by the flush of your cheeks and the heaving of your chest. It made his dick throb painfully in his pants. "cum for me yn" thats all it takes for you to reach your high, as you moan into the room, though it gets muffled as he claims your mouth with his own, you keep kissing until Eunseok slides his fingers out of you to lick his fingers clean of your cum. Cherished every lick as if he doens´t want to ever lose the taste of you. He wanted to remember this. Wanted to remember how you laid in front of him.

He reached down and tugged at the waistband of his sweatpants, letting the fabric slide easily down his hips as he pulled them off. You focus on how his hands dissappear under his boxers as he pumps himself ready, fuck he looks so sexy the sight makes you clench around nothing, and your pussy throb for his cock.

You help him take his boxers briefs off. Eunseok is huge, never have you seen such a pretty cock before as it makes your mouth fall open at the sight of him, some drool gathering in your mouth as you reel him closer to you. The tip of his cock runs along your fold, teasing you, torturing you.

"please Eunseok, I need you in me"

Thats all he wanted you to say before he pushes his fat cock into your waiting hole. You hiss at his size "breathe for me yn. you can take it". he says as you slowly let him push more of him inside you, feeling every vein of his cock stretching you out. You can feel how your walls around him grip tightly around his cock, it stings you as if you are being split in half trying to let his cock find its way inside you.

"such a good girl, feel so good around me baby, as if you were made for me yeah" he kisses along your left cheek and down to your mouth as he fills you up completely. You sobbed out as he fully sunk into you, never in your life have you felt this full.

"doing so good for me, got you right here where I wanted you" his voice wavers as he fights to keep control, and not just rammer into you with full force.

Your eyes fall shut as he starts to move, thrusting deep, snapping his hips against yours. "ngh.. yes" you moan "Fuck you're so big" dragging him down to kiss him. He massages your breast again and squeezes your nipple between his fingers, you open your eyes to meet his, softly moaning his name.

"fuck" he groans, while picking up his rhythm as he pounds into you deeper. You struggle to breathe, his thrust harder, reaching deep inside you making your body tremble, with the stimulation from both his cock and fingers. "fuck baby... feel so good around me yn" his intense eyes watching you succumb to pleasure, pressing his forehead against yours, as he gives his all to find both of your releases. You had no idea how much Eunseok has been dreaming about this, dreaming about fucking you in his bed.

Eunseok isn't oblivious to the fact that what he's doing right now is messed up. He knows that taking you here in his bed is so fucked up of him. He is being selfish right now. He didn’t care about the damage that'll happen to you and Kazuha's relationship. It didn't matter. All that mattered was keeping you close, keeping you to himself. No matter who he had to hurt in the process.

"look at you right now so wet" you are soaked, dripping down his sheets, you see how his cock glistens at your slickness. "Ill give you what you want, what you need baby" he takes the fingers that were teasing your nipples, and began rubbing your clit for the second time. "ngh yes please yes Eunseok!" you moan gripping the sheets underneath, your eyes rolling back. You cry as he rubs your clit faster while he was fucking into you, only the sound of your arousal and the slapping of skin filling the room.

You can feel your orgasm approaching, as his thick cock and long fingers sending waves of pleasure to you "cant ngh.. cant hold back any longer yn" the pace feels like ecstasy, you legs shaking, as he hits your g-spot making you reach the peak of you climax, sending jolts of electricity through your body, your hole clenching and gushing on his cock as he continues to fuck you.

"please Eunseok fill me up" with one last thrust he empties himself inside you, groaning as he buries his head on your heaving chest. His warm cum filling you up, cock twicthing, as he keeps on cumming. You feel him pull you tighter against him wanting to feel you soft skin as he fill you to the brim. You then pepper kisses on his face, while you mindlessly play with his hair, he smiles at you, and kisses you one last time before pulling out.

Eunseok cups your face gently, his fingers brushing along your skin as though he was memorizing every inch of where he has touched you. He kissed you softly, his lips lingering, trying to communicate something he couldn’t quite put into words. "Stay" .. "I don’t want you to leave. Not tonight"

END OF FLASHBACK

Aeri´s hands are steady on the black steering wheel of her brother’s car. The night air is cool as it flows through the open windows, the rhythmic sound of the tires against the pavement fills the space like white noise sharing the air with the songs from the radio. Aeri sings along to the songs but keeps her eyes focused on the road.

“I’m telling you this party is going to be insane!” she says with a grin as her fingers tap on the steering wheel.

“We’re going to have so much fun! I just know it. I even heard Beomgyu is coming!”

You catch a glimpse of Kazuha´s profile in the rearview mirror. She is sitting in the front passenger seat staring out the window and she looks like she is lost in thought, for a second you wonder if she’s thinking about Eunseok, about what she said earlier

Showing him what he lost.

Aeri’s playlist shuffles through upbeat pop songs. You can feel the vibrations in the seat beneath you as it feels like they travel up your spine. For a few minutes the beats fill the air drowning out everything else. The noise swallows your thoughts whole, its enough to make you forget everything. You close your eyes for a second and let the rhythm wash over you. its like a perfect escape like a barrier between you and everything that’s been gnawing at your insides. You’re not thinking about the lies you’ve been holding inside, not thinking about Kazuha, or Eunseok, or the mess you’ve created. For once everything is just the sound and melody that don’t usually mean anything to you but now it feels like your lifeline. 

Just as you begin to settle into the rhythm you hear Aeri twisting the volume knob followed by the music being turned down. You blink, eyes still closed as the quiet rushes in. Your heart sinks due to the absence of noise now amplifying the feelings you just got rid off.

“So, Kazuha” Aeri starts 

“How do you feel about Eunseok being at the party tonight?”

Kazuha doesn’t react immediately. She’s still looking out of the window her profile barely visible in the dim light, but you can see the way her jaw tightens ever so slightly. She’s trying to act unbothered as if the question doesn’t even matter to her. 

"I don’t really care"

She shrugs “I mean, he’s... he’s moved on right? so It's whatever”

“its whatever?” You notice how Kazuha’s fingers tighten around the edge of her seat but she doesn’t let her gaze flicker to Aeri. 

“He didn’t love me anymore” she says her words flat. “I cant make him feel something he doesn’t, can’t force him to love me”

“I’m over it,” oh Kazuha..

 “We’re both fine. No big deal.” Kazuha adds quickly

Aeri watches her for a moment longer, there is a silent understanding across her face but she knows not to press any further.

"Okay.. well, if you're fine, then I guess we’re all good, right?"

 “Hey yn you okay back there?” Aeri asks, glancing at you briefly in the rearview mirror. 

You nod quickly, forcing another smile “Yeah, just... just a little tired still. You know, like always” She raises an eyebrow at you

“Alright, but if you need to bail early, just say it. There is no shame in wanting a good night's sleep”

She then turns her attention back to the road, humming along to the song she turned on again playing on the radio.

-

The deep bass shake the walls and the vibrations go through your bones. Lights flash in time with the music and people crowd the space as their voices rise above the thrum of the speakers. You can feel the air is thick with the mix of body heat and alcohol. You step into the living room as the familiar smell of drinks and faint smoke lingers in the air. The party is already in full swing, you see people pressed together on the dance floor, hands on each others bodies or up in the air.

Kazuha moves ahead of you, her steps confident and her back is straight. Aeri on the other hand is already sitting down laughing with a group of people by the couch, she is clearly unaffected by the crowd around her, her energy radiating as she grabs a drink from Beomgyu’s hand and hands it to you with a grin. 

“You look like you need this” she says

You take the drink from her.

You haven’t had a drink in a while but tonight, you think you can let yourself go. You take a sip and then you feel it. The electric charge of the tequila sunrise, It burns down your throat just as if everyone collectively holds their breath for just a beat. Then you see him. Eunseok. His back is to you, but you know it’s him. You see him standing by the edge of the dance floor laughing with a few friends, which makes your heart skip a beat. It’s been a week since you’ve seen him. Since everything happened and seeing him again so effortlessly at ease makes you suddenly aware of the glass in your hand, turned into a drink you don’t want anymore. You glance at Kazuha who sat next to Aeri now, She’s frozen in place. Her eyes wide and dark, she’s already seen him. She doesn’t move nor speak however you can see it in the way her breath catches. It’s brief but you know her well enough. Aeri notices too, her smile fading as she follows your gaze.

“If you’re not ready for this, we can leave. It’s no big deal.” Aeri says but Kazuha doesn’t budge.

She straightens her back again, the tightness in her jaw telling you everything you need to know. She’s not going anywhere.

She’s going to pretend she’s fine

And Eunseok? He’s just standing there laughing with Seunghan and Shotaro.

-

You see the wooden bathroom door just ahead of you. Someone’s leaning against the wall next to the door, texting frantically on their phone and they don’t move when you approach. It makes you sidestep, feeling a slight wave of irritation since they didnt care about the space they were hogging in the narrow area. You’re not sure if Aeri and Kazuha notices you slip away but you don’t really care either. The bathroom will be a safe space for now, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

You swing the door open and the cool dimly lit room greets you as you lock the door behind you. You need this moment alone. You lean against the sink as your hands grip the cold white marble, you look up to stare at your reflection. Your makeup is still intact, even your hair is still perfectly styled, but your eyes look... Empty. You inhale deeply as the silence in the bathroom is only broken by the sound of your own shallow breathing.

Then a soft knock appears. “its occupied!” you say, not in the mood to deal with a drunk person pestering you. 

There’s a pause on the other side of the door. The person coughs.

that voice

Even with just a simple cough you couldn’t fail to recognize something you found too familiar. 

Eunseok

Standing here right now, only a piece of wood dividing the both of you, so close yet so far.

How long has he been standing there? Did he see you slip away from the party? 

 "Hey" Eunseok’s voice floats through the door smooth and quiet.

"yn you okay in there?"

Another knock, it’s even firmer this time. it makes you close your eyes and wish for him tojust fuck off hoping it would be that simple. You take a long breath, then another, you know there is no way out now.

“I’m good” you finally say.

he’s right there

just on the other side of the door

waiting..

His response feels like forever, the only thing you hear is how his footsteps shifts due to the slight creak of the floorboards outside the bathroom. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt” His tone is soft like how he usually talks to you, but this time it’s like he is almost trying to draw you out.

“I just... I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about you. about us..” .. “hah it feels a bit weird saying this to a door though” you hear him awkwardly chuckle.

You grip the edge of the sink. You don’t want to hear this and you most definitely don’t want him to be anywhere near you right now. You wont respond, you can’t. Your mind is racing and all of your thoughts swirl back to the week prior and how good he made you feel. The way he took care of your body like no other and how he.. no.

“I know we haven’t exactly... talked. You know since everything happened” Eunseok continues “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay” he pauses. 

Please shut up Eunseok.

“I know things got complicated. I... I don’t know, I’m not sure how to fix any of it. I just.. yn I’m here if you need me"

You close your eyes tightly and bite down on your lower lip, so hard you are scared itll bleed. You want to tell him to leave and to fuck back to the party, but the words stick in your throat.

“Are you sure you're okay?” Eunseok asks again.

“I can wait out here, if you need some time”

Before you know what you are doing your fingers fumble with the lock as your heart race. The sound of the click echoes in the otherwise silent bathroom. Obviously It wasn’t your intention to give in to Eunseok like this, but something about the way he’s standing out there, his voice low and so gentle like it pulled at you. So you figured that now is the time to take control of this moment. You open the door just a crack, enough to see him standing on the other side, his eyes slightly wide. He is dressed casually, a black t-shirt and jeans, its so effortless but in his presence and in his proximity it feels suffocating. You can’t deny he looks handsome.

“Hey yn” Eunseok says again. He’s standing a few inches away now, his hands resting in his pockets. It’s almost too normal. Too casual for this situation. 

Without thinking the door swings wider and before either of you can say another word you reach out grab the front of his shirt and pull him inside. The door locks shut behind him, and you’re standing there in the space of the small bathroom. His eyes meet yours but there’s no time for him to process, and no time for him to ask why you pulled him into this tiny intimate space, away from the eyes of the party. The pulse is thundering in your ears as your body feels like it's shaking but you can’t let go. You can’t step back now.

“I..” You start, but your voice betrays you. You swallow hard, trying to steady your breath.

what are you supposed to say yn?

Eunseok’s hand moves instinctively, he reaching out to steady you as his fingers brush against your arm. The contact makes your stomach flip. Eunseok´s touch is so familiar but it feels all wrong like it's bringing everything you’ve been trying to avoid hitting down on you.

“I’m sorry" Eunseok murmurs “I should have said something earlier, but you know…” he continues. “The thing is… I never stopped thinking about you” you blink a few times, you then take a step back as you try to process what he’s just said.

“Eunseok… no.. not this right now. Not here, not no-”

“Then how am I supposed to talk to you when you keep avoiding me yn?”

You pause, hearing a tint of frustration in his voice.“fuck, this isn’t something we can just talk about as if it’s normal! You don’t get to say that, not after what we did Eunseok”

You kept going now, growing frustrated by his eagerness. If he wants to talk. Then fuck it, talk you shall. “Like… How could we even do that to her?.. and how could you lead her on like that knowing.. knowing you felt something for me?”

Eunsuk flinches “I get it alright?" his tone is defensive now as if trying to brace himself against the words of what’s just been said. “You think I’m some kind of dick, that I’m the one who’s messed everything up, for not saying anything to her. I get that. But don’t act like you regret what we did yn” He takes a step closer not quite within your personal space, but close enough that you can feel the heat of his presence. His jaw clenches and for the first time tonight you see the frustration that has been simmering underneath his calm facade.

“Yeah, I lied to her. But don’t try to tell me you didn’t want this too" his words feels sharper now, the reality of what’s been happening between you two, getting more serious "If you didn’t feel the same way, if you didn’t want me as much as I wanted you, you wouldn’t have slept with me." He saw right through you, he always did. You tell him you don't want him near yourself, and yet… his lips looks so inviting. It’s so obvious now.

“It’s like you are playing some sick game with me yn, trying to convince yourself that you are not the kind of person who would do this, who would sleep with your best friend’s ex, news flash you already did” he nears you.

“No no no stop” You repeat while shaking your head.

You wanna blame him for everything. You wanna scream and shout that he manipulated you into this mess and that he is some kind of twisted guy who does this for entertainment.

“You are the one who lied to Kazuha and kept stringing her along, knowing full well that you felt something for me Eunseok” … “You made your choices as you kept pretending, kept making her believe everything was fine! and now I’m ruled into this mess!”

For a brief second, his eyes flash with something, anger? frustration? guilt? or perhaps all of the above.

"Don’t lie to me, alright?" his voice is low now.

“You didn’t have to sleep with me, you didn’t have to let me kiss you or touch you the way I did.” he pauses before he continues “but the thing is you didn’t stop me! You could’ve easily pushed me away at any time in that room. So don’t stand there acting all holy and shit like you didn’t want this too. Don’t act like you didn’t have any fucking part in it”

The truth is, it’s so much easier to pretend you are not the kind of person who would do this, because deep down, both Eunseok and you know that you are trying to find a way out of this mess that doesn’t make you look like the selfish, confused, fucked-up person you are.

you are selfish, so selfish yn

You don’t care about anyone else feelings except your own

“I was already going on dates with her before I found out how I truly felt” His brown eyes looks at yours, and you can see they plead for you to listen to him, to hear him out “and now I don’t know how to stop thinking about you.."

He grabs your hand in his, taking it down to his crotch to let you feel his bulge underneath his pants. You feel yourself getting wet, by the thought of him getting hard because of you.

"come closer.. look what you are doing to me"

You’ve already done the damage, already crossed the line. All those times you’ve felt the slight jealousy of him and Kazuha together, or when you’d listen carefully when she mentions their silly fights, in hopes of one of them having enough and break it off. Now as soon as they did, you hopped straight into your chances, it was just all to your luck that Eunseok felt the same. But it didn’t make you any less of a bad friend, any less evil.

He is right,

you don’t regret sleeping with him yn

You only regret that there’s a chance Kazuha might find out

Your morals are nonexistent as you close the distance between you two. The kiss is heated, hot and breathy. You don’t know if it’s the desire or the pent-up emotions that travels around your body but right now you couldn’t care less.

You kiss him without a worry in the world. It’s addictive how his tongue swirls with yours, and how good he is a making you want more. "Fuuck im so happy you are wearing this dress, so sexy for me yeah" he growls into your mouth while sliding his hands underneath the black fabric to pull down your thong, feeling how your wetness try to cling on to it as he pulls it down. "already wet for me, tsk you probably wanted me to come find you here didn't you?" he smirks. "wanted me to fuck you while Kazuha is down stairs" you roll your eyes. "fuck you" your comment makes him laugh. "oh baby, you will"

He flips you around, making you face the mirror, his jeans already down to his ankles as he grabs his cock, dragging it up and down your folds to lube his shaft, he positions himself by your entrance. "look at yourself while I fuck you" he doesn't give you a minute to spare before he slides in his cock. You moan loudly due to his size, still havent adjusted to how big he is as it makes you claw after the marble sink, gripping it tightly. He goes deeper, keep on pushing into you making you feel so full of him. You sink your head down due to the feeling of him stretching you out, but he quickly grabs your jaw pulling it back up. "I said look at yourself while I fuck you yeah?" he says, staying still now, fully settled inside.

"yes" you exhale. "such a good girl" he praises you and slams into you, feeling your muscles contract. He shoves his cock deeper into you, making sure to bruise your hole every time he pushes into you, making you moan out loud. "fuck such a slut for me yn" He starts thrusting in you roughly this time he isn't holding back. He retracts one of the hands on your waist and grabs one of your hair to steady your head, forcing you to watch him fuck you. You can see how your own brows scrunch together as the pleasure from his cock is driving you insane. Nails digging into the hard marble, while moans slip out of your mouth. You also like the way his other hand dig harshly on your waist, the pain mixing well with the pleasure.

A whine escapes from your throat as he starts hitting a particular spot inside you. Eunseok´s eyes focused on how your eyes seem to look hazier and hazier in the mirror, your mouth gone slack as he hits your g-spot. "fuck yn, you look so good taking my cock like that" he huffs. His eyes glued to your face now. He contiunes jamming into you feeling himself approach his climax with the way you clench around him. "oh fuck please Eunseok!" the rhytimic pace against your g-spot grows your nearer, feeling the coil in your stomach warm. "oh Eunseok!, oh my god" "cmon baby, let go" you tighten around his shaft, while he fucks you through your orgasm. His thrust then becomes erratic as he feels himself nearing the edge. "fuck baby, im gonna cum" he growls as he drives his cock a few more times into you, before coming inside you. "Love how you feel yn" with shallow thrusts he spills every last drop inside you.

The mirror is fogged up now due to the increased humidity and moisture in the air. You notice how Eunseok is now peppering kisses on your jaw while still snug inside you. “mmmh Eunseok.. we- we need to go back down” he doesn’t stop but is now moving his lips up your cheek. “hmm wanna stay here, wanna be inside you foreve-“

You stiffened as both of your gazes turn onto the door, listening to the sound coming from the other side “Yn? are you in there?” Your stomach dropped, panic flooding your veins. Aeri…

"fuck" you quietly curse.

She cant see you in here

Not with Eunseok

You quietly pull him away from you, Eunseok hissing at the lost contact of your walls around him. You then yank up your thong feeling his cum slowly drip out as you feel the heat of embarrassment rush over you. The sweat starts to bead on your forehead, the panic creeping in as you realize how close you are to getting caught. You take a deep breath to steady your nerves before answering her, . "Uh, yeah, I'm in here! What's up? Everything okay?"

"no.. Kazuha started crying downstairs.. so I took her to the car to sit in peace. I think it´s for the best we leave.."

"wait what? okay ill quickly be there!… uhm you can get the engine started!"

"okay be quick!" you hear her voice, followed by the sound of footsteps fading as she walks away from the bathroom door until all that’s left is the hollow silence in the room.

"Fuck!" you say out loud, knowing Aeri cant hear you anymore. You swallow hard and shift your attention to Eunseok, who is already looking at you with worried eyes.

"she needs me.. I have to go Eunseok.." His face falters and a deep sigh escapes him. He doesn’t reach for you, doesn’t stop you from leaving, what he does is taking a small step back to create some space for you to walk towards the door.

-

In the car it's quiet. None of you speak a word. No radio to fill the space, no open windows to bring in the sounds of the outside world. Just pure silence.

Aeri pulls into Kazuha´s driveway. The engine shuts off and the silence once again swallowing the space among you. Neither of you moves right away to unbuckle the seatbelt, as you all sit there for a long moment. You know things aren’t going to be easy from here on out. All you can do is sit in the silence and wait for it to blow over.. knowing this is just the start of it all.

Hope you guys enjoyed this fic! (Although it’s an open ending..) feel free to leave a comment on what you think about it! It’s always nice to hear you guy’s reaction!!

Have a great day! I love you! 😘

[ivormybeloved]

Okay maybe i should do more rants about my MCSM AU ideas bc like. I have a LOT and then a month later I see someone mention an idea like it and I missed my chance 😭 so let's just clear up a few things

WARNING: some things may be triggering to some, so if you don't like mentions of kidnapping, death, religious themes, and a few other serious topics then these stories are not for you.

DELUSION [Main themes: Religious Trauma, corrupt society, coping mechanisms] — This will be the main AU I post for a while. It might be finished around late 2025/2026. The entire plot of that is this: Jesse is a pretty normal guy. He lives in a small town in the middle of nowhere, wishing for some adventure or something more. Each night he has weird dreams of familiar faces and his mother, Ivy. Ivy is not his biological mother and was forced to take care of jesse after his father, her twin brother, went missing. Jesse, accompanied by Reuben, one day finds a strange portal he's never seen before and falls into it. He finds himself in a strange and wacky world with no escape. Things will quickly turn into horror as he dives into the secrets of this world and even the people he feels close to. Every character in this story is an experiment that either has or is based on some sort of disorder/disability. Not all depictions may be accurate, but I'm planning on doing more research. The scientist and made all of these creatures is Ivor, The Creator. He's treated as a god and even sees himself as such. Our World's Delusions is not the official writing and is only hints at the future story + random ideas I have that I write out so that y'all can see them. The writing is on AO3 and my only fic I have written so far

THE GREATEST SHOW UNEARTHED [Main themes: Imagination, Greif, Kidnapping] — this au is, of course, based on the song. The current story at time of posting this is: Ivor takes his son, Jesse, to a carnival. They soon get wrapped up in the plans of the evil ringmaster (Romeo) who steals and manipulates children to join his circus. At day, it's a normal and fun circus. At night, it's a horrific, gorey freakshow filled with some unimaginable horrors. This is the first AU of mine where Ivor is (FOR ONCE) a good dad (not counting me and Br0ken's rewrite AU. That one takes 2nd place)

TOYMAKER [Main themes: Death, Paranoia, Greif, Loss, Drug use] — Toymaker was an AU that actually came from an idea i had for delusion that didn't fit in the story at all. In this story: Ivor, again, is Jesse's dad (all my AUs center around them. Get used to it <3 /sil) Ivor used to make toys before an accident happened and either Harper or Soren died (or both idk). Ivor couldn't handle the loss and ended up shutting down his whole business. Years later, Jesse finds a few toys stuffed in boxes in the attic. Crazy things happen and Jesse soon helps Ivor out of his depression.

FEARS/PHOBIA [Main theme: Suicide, getting over fears, Mental health] — This AU is mainly just major death. In this AU, each of the characters represent a phobia that Jesse has. Jesse starts killing all of them, trying to free himself from paranoia. Along the way, he gets tired of it. He tries to befriend some fears but soon kills them still. After becoming fearless and killing Romeo (the fear of death) he takes his own life.

FUGITIVE AU — this was a ship AU I had made because I was sad there was barely any Jailbirds (Reginald x Milo) content. The main idea: Milo would steal items and basically commit various crimes for Build Club. He'd get arrested sometimes, but was let go as no one had any evidence that it was actually him who committed the crime. When in jail, he'd talk to Reginald quite a bit and they seemed to get along. Isa, however, was tired of these constant crimes and the fugitive going unpunished, so she ordered Reginald to do whatever he could to capture them. Once Reginald successfully captured Milo, Isa sentanced the criminal to death by void. Reginald tries to protest, claiming that the punishment is much too harsh, but Isa doesn't listen and instead orders the guards to arrest Reginald with charge of treason. Reginald and Milo end up falling off of the island together mid-battle and fall to the island. Reginald wants to find a way back up and talk some sense into Isa, but Milo is completely ECSTATIC and only agrees to find a way back up when Milo remembers Build Club

ALIEN AU — random PolyOrder AU I thought of because of a narrative writing prompt at school 😭. The Old Order are pretty much just are aliens from a planet that is mainly just The End. They crash on Earth and the only person who doesn't like the new world is Soren. They decide to stay on the planet and study the world. They meet a human (Gabriel) and he helps them learn more about the world

I will update when I make another AU or change something. Other than that, have a good day!!

[sersi]

AHSOKA 1.07: Dreams and Madness

[philippagordon]

hello everyone, I hope you're all doing great! just passing by to say i'm officially going to be a librarian :) follow your dreams kids

[orcelito]

Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.

But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.

[rustystars]

s1 of true detective has its own share of misogyny but at the very least, there’s a thread throughout it that not treating the women in your life with respect leads to those women not wanting to be around you. marty consistently views women & girls as either in need of protection or in want of sex rather than as complex people, & the story punishes him for this. maggie leaves him & his daughters barely talk to him & his girlfriends are few & far between. & this doesn’t make him a bad person! he’s the hero of the story & he cares incredibly deeply about them, but until he sees them as people, it’s hard for them to want to be around him. it’s a baseline understanding that misogyny, both systematically & on personal levels, leads to women being miserable.

compare that with s2, which somewhat builds itself around conversations of sexual agency & exploitation, but cannot define a single woman outside of her relationship to men. women are abused by men & must be saved by them; when women help themselves they do so ineffectively; they scream & cry & fuck & even then men know how to do it better. even ani, the main character & the Strong Badass Woman detective, is punished for having sex. she cannot protect herself or process her own sexual trauma (only men can help her do that), & she cannot make good decisions in terms of partners (& it's only fair that men degrade & shame her in response.) the only way she, & any other woman in s2, can be happy is through marriage or motherhood. she expresses nowhere in the show that she wants to be a mother, but the viewer is meant to accept her ending as happy, because she has a baby, so she MUST be. the only women who matter, or who can find any sort of contentment, are the mothers of sons. every child in s2 is a boy because women exist only to raise or fuck them, & have no experience of girlhood at all. you can be happy only if you find a good man, & if you can't, only if you commit yourself to being a good mother to your sons. women can only be happy with men to guide them. & also the mystery is boring to watch because fuck you

[swordmaid]

so I was looking up the tenets for lolth’s paladins and I found this little list. not sure how canon exactly this is but I thought it was interesting -

kind of laughing that shri’iia does the exact opposite in act 1 which leads to her oath breaking. she girlflopped so badly lolth decides to drop her ass then prob hunt her ass down for being an embarrassment and a failure. like girly was not exerting her power at all - it’s her first time in the surface ever and she’s surrounded by people who could literally kill her any given moment (considering all the stories she heard abt how surface dwellers hates drow) not to mention that the tieflings you encounter when you see lae’zel were ready to attack you that just fueled her paranoia. > she was not sowing discord at all she was laying low and keeping her mouth shut …!! she has no allies here! and she doesn’t know where she is! and there’s an illithid tadpole in her head! it would be foolish of her to paint herself as an enemy when she’s already so out of her environment so she keeps her mouth shut … thoughts to herself … bides her time and sees who’s useful to her and who’s not … she can always get rid of the ones that she doesn’t need later but for now she’s seeing what she can work with first …… > have a plan… shri’iia had no plans…. at all. she was following lae’zel around because the crèche was her only lead … but then they mentioned a druid named halsin who’s a very good healer so she turned her objective to that … then a goblin mentions their priestess is a healer too so guess she’s looking for her as well… honestly who thought making the drow who’s never been to the surface and literally does not know where she is or what she's doing the leader of the group a good idea….. in my hc the leader is gale

[anthromimicry]

forever thinking about how, according to maslow's hierarchy of needs (or simply the self-actualization pyramid) that is basically this motivational theory in psychology that's made up of a five-tier model of human needs, that misao went from being on the third tier in her childhood to reverting back to the first tier currently which is food, water, warmth, and rest.

[ here's a picture of it for reference, y'all ]

so, in other words... she is just trying to survive SO badly right now at this point in her life, that she can not even worry about things like safety or security and especially not friends. and that is UHH... i might, or might not be sobbing right now

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

so tired of being a shitty bandaid for my parents' loneliness. like have u ever considered you passed your curse to me and some days i feel so lonely it's like i can't breathe around the emptiness in my chest????

[bibleofficial]

Hi, a mutual who shall remain nameless here. I just read your tags on on the inner Mongolian child post. And like. I dunno how to say this, but that took me by surprise, cause I was so sure you were older than me... and I am 33 years old lol. Guess I was wiping l wrong 🙈

no i totally get it omg i’ve got the Elderly Problems like woodhouse (specifically s1e2 11:55) ‘my knees’ but also my hips .. my back … my assbole but im older than u anyway <3 my child

[b0mblover]

Hate, in Every Sense of the Word.

By: J

major tws for; suicide mention, domestic abuse, abuse, sexual assult mention, murder mention, (really just alot of violence tbh) self harm mention

uh, sorry? that theres so many tws, ig also minor tw for mention of sex too.

uh haha i uh, can you tell what happened tonight? it wasnt even the worst one, just, im tired of it.

talk abt living out of spite bc mannnn, thats all i been going off of for a good while now!

i uh, i really wanna make a certain food bc um. (LOOK I WANNA MAKW A LESS OILY FUCKER OKAY) but my father is awake meaning my mother will be too soon but im scared to even go out of my room bc theyre prob gonna fighttt.

hhhrbd okok ill shut up for now, go ahead and read the angry jirou bullshit ig 😭

(oh yea, if it wasn’t obvious. im talking about my mother in this.)

——————————

yknow,

you havent been a great person

or a good one even.

yet you still question as to why i dont love you

or like you,

maybe you have an idea of how much i hate you.

maybe not

i dont really care about your feelings.

at all.

not now.

i put up with this for fucking 14 years.

my entire fucking life.

ive put up with your shit.

but now?

now im done.

you have no idea how badly you fucked up.

when he said that “im sorry im a fuck up” 

yknow.

he mightve not been right for what he did.

but,

it was just a mistake.

it was a goddamn mistake.

you have any idea how many times ive uttered those words too?

how many times ive repeated them?

how many times i fucking meant it?

just because you “had it bad” doesnt mean shit to me.

you have no goddamn right to treat others the same way.

dont give me that “i dont know how else to act!”

bullshit.

bullshit you dont.

you treated your damn boyfriend just fine!

you had a goddamn kid

you had two goddamn children.

with this man that you fucking DESPISE.

you knew it back then too.

you told me you did.

you fucking told me.

almost nothing can compare to the anger i feel to you right now.

nothing.

you have no right to act like that.

no.

you have no goddamn right to hit another fucking living being.

for such a simple mistake.

i dont care if he talked about it since friday.

i dont give a fuck if he talked about it for months.

you.

you as a goddamn human.

have no right.

none.

in the slighest.

to hit another living being.

for talking about something in your eyes “too much”

or making a mistake.

youre a hypocrite.

need i remind you?

you said that after you broke up with the man you were having an affair with.

that youd be a better person.

stop the fights.

stop the beatings.

stop all of it.

and everything would be okay!

.

i didn’t believe you for a goddamn millisecond.

youre a liar.

just how you said i was.

you didnt quit.

you didnt stop.

hell two months after you hit him again!

you threatened to kill him and yourself!

cmon.

dont you get it yet?

i fucking despise you.

maybe to a degree i feel shocked.

but.

i really dont think thats it.

youre the root of my problems.

every single last fucking one.

——————

need i remind you as how i had to learn to cook, because you were too busy with your damn boyfriend to help me?

.

need i remind you how when i tried to show you that i was fucking cutting myself when i was 9 you only talked about how it looked ugly?

.

need i remind you about how many times you said that you didnt care if i hurt myself as long as no one can see it?

.

need i remind you about how you ignored the rope burn on my neck god knows how many times?

.

need i remind you how you denied fucking multiple peoples sexual assault because “it couldntve been like that”?

.

need i remind you of how many times i almost had to be hospitalized because of your neglect?

.

need i remind you of how many nights i spent alone, in the cold, in the dead of winter, just because you wanted to fuck your boyfriend?

.

need i remind you of what you yelled at me so many times?

.

need i remind you of what i seen?

.

need i remind you of how many times you blamed your abusive behaviors on medication?

.

need i fucking remind you of my entire purpose?

.

i dont care about your feelings anymore.

i gave up years ago.

but now.

i dont feel just numb for you.

i hate you.

in every sense of the word.

.

i dont care of what you or anyone else thinks of me.

.

i dont care about what you think of my appearance.

.

i dont care if you think im too thin or fat or whatever word youll use next.

.

i dont care about what you think because you’ll hate me no matter what.

.

you thought id stop being xxxx when you broke up with him.

you yelled at me.

no.

you fucking screamed at me for weeks.

im tired of even putting in the slighest effort of acting as if i fucking care.

i dont give a fuck about you.

and yknow?

if.

no.

if it would work.

if it was possible.

id fucking kill you.

id stab you.

right here.

right now.

to end my suffering.

to end his suffering.

all of it.

id end it all.

i dont care if its wrong.

because i know no one else knows about whats going on.

yknow.

only one person around here knows what youve done to him and me.

and i havent even met her in person.

yknow.

the people i used to be close with from school.

only just learned you had an affair.

i know that.

the police are do-less.

since you know them.

and hes a man.

not a woman.

it wouldnt be taken seriously.

that he should just fight back.

yknow.

youve ruined what life he has left.

his parents beat him.

his ex wife beat him, and cheated on him.

and here.

youve done the exact same thing.

yknow.

he’ll never get to see how love truely is.

because of you.

because of what youve done.

i cant say i really like him either.

but.

that doesnt give you the right to ruin his life.

.

yknow whats worse?

how i know the only reason that so far youve never dared to lay a finger on me.

is because ive proved that i won’t hesitate to beat the fuck out of you right back.

i know i joke about that night.

but.

really.

hitting you for doing that was the best decision i couldve made.

its kept me safer than i wouldve been for years. 

and even now.

if you were to as so much to touch me.

while in a fight.

id do it all over again.

you maybe 100 pounds heavier than me.

but you dont know how to fight against someone who wont just sit there and take it.

i wont forgive you for what youve done.

even if he will.

.

i want nothing to do with you.

get out of my life for good.

[valleydoli]

𐙚 Ao3 Fics I’ve read and love 𐙚

𐙚 infidelity by @tawus (completed)

gojo x fem reader

Your marriage to Gojo Satoru lost its initial excitement, since your husband spent all his time either at Jujutsu Tech or on exorcism missions across the world. To ease your loneliness, you picked up your favorite pastime from your student years — clubbing — behind his back. Too bad that on Satoru’s most recent mission he spots his wife dancing in a nightclub with a bunch of guys in the skimpiest dress he has ever seen on her…

𐙚 desert rose by @sadistic-kiss (on going)

all jjk men x fem reader 😭

Toji Fushiguro finds you during one of his hitman jobs. With no idea what to do with you he decides to bring you home to his house of misfits. They weren’t picture perfect but neither were you.

𐙚 mascara by @/softstellars (on going)

geto x fem reader

You've never been a particularly good person, you're self-aware enough to know it. It's your only flaw, and recently you've actually been working to better yourself. For example: paying for a 30-dollar Uber so you can take your friend home only for her to ditch you for some guy when it comes down to it. Although you’re pissed, you decide to try and make the best of it instead of get into a screaming match with her. It's an easy thing to do when Getou Suguru is offering you everything to do just that. Everything a party entails: liquor, weed, and sex with a perfect stranger. And Getou knows perfectly well you have a boyfriend, so it's not like he'll want anything serious.

𐙚 a pearl by @lemonlover1110 (completed and posted on tumblr!)

toji x fem reader

The Fushiguros needed a nanny, and the pay was too good to not apply, especially since your family needed financial help. You were the perfect nanny for the kids, they loved you as if you were their own mother. Slowly, you built up the perfect relationship with the family. Especially with Mr. Fushiguro. A man who would constantly visit you after dark. A man who you thought had sincere intentions but at the end of the day didn't care about you. A selfish man who just saw you as a tool to make his wife mad. A man who didn't care about you but didn't want you with anyone else. A man that took away your ability to know what a healthy relationship was. You couldn't speak up about it since all the fault would fall at your feet and would be deemed as the "homewrecker".

𐙚 you, my angel and my saint by @lemonlover1110 (completed and posted on tumblr!)

toji x fem reader

sequel to a pearl!

After having an affair with your boss, you're left to deal with the consequences, those being: two exhausting new jobs and a child. A child that he never got to know the existence of. Now all you had to do was keep her hidden, which should be an easy task, right?

𐙚 rings by @/bungeemum (on going)

toji x fem reader

you divorced the man in front of you for a reason. so why was he standing on your doorstep, guilt plastered on his face, and eyes glinting with hope?

𐙚 a dangerous game by @/anaoyuo (completed)

gojo x fem reader

geto x fem reader

Both men agreed to a game about who fucks you first, but they didn't play their cards right. Gojo and Geto changed the course of the game when they decided to keep you around for way longer than intended, making you fall for their sweet way to deprave you, and now you have to face the consequences in a gamble that they call their life.

𐙚 fate’s gamble by @/anaoyuo (on going)

gojo x fem reader

geto x fem reader

sequel to a dangerous game

缘分— a story about predestined affinity, set in a world where the intoxicating thrills of wealth intertwine with amorality.

𐙚 him & i by @pharixden (on going)

gojo x fem reader

toji x fem reader

sukuna x fem reader

A cheating husband, a widowed bodyguard and a malevolent fling of the past who owes a favour isn’t a combination for the faint of heart, but not every girl is a damsel in distress.

𐙚 changes by @lemonlover1110 (on going also on tumblr!)

gojo x fem reader

From childhood friends to lovers to mere strangers. Your love story with Satoru Gojo was one from a fairy tail, until it wasn't. When you were twenty-one, Satoru left you without an explanation. Five years later, you meet again but nothing is quite the same. Too many things need to be explained, especially the fact that there's another Gojo that Satoru has yet to meet.

𐙚 the man in apartment 381 by @lemonlover1110 (completed also on tumblr!)

toji x fem reader

Looking for a new beginning after the death of your husband, you move away from town. That's when you meet him, Toji Fushiguro, a widower with a three-year-old son. You two understand each other, which draws you close. Except you two don't realize that feelings would eventually develop, and neither of you want that. Feelings are the last thing you two want after finding out the great damage that they can cause. When you two discover this, it's too late.

𐙚 4th avenue viewing by @/softstellars (completed)

nanami x fem reader

Nanami Kento is intelligent, serious, reserved and can easily catch someone in a lie. It's his job to do just that, he's renowned for it. So when he comes to your university to offer up an internship, it's quite the opportunity. Anyone would jump at the chance, except for you. But no, you just had to be the one caught in a lie.

𐙚 forgotten souls by @/killerpoultry & @/bebobopobo (completed)

sukuna x fem reader

You and Sukuna have been married for years. Even though he is brash, mean, and sadistic, you love him more than anything. While he may not show it much, he truly loves you too. One day you get into a terrible car accident and lose all your memories. You learn to live once more while Sukuna must now get you to fall in love with him all over again.

𐙚 love kills by @/sourome (on going)

i actually don’t know 😭 i think toji x fem reader

The wealthy and successful Zenin family, well respected and seemingly perfect. But all that glitters is not gold. Toji Zenin, CEO and face of the Zenin Group acts like a gentleman but is a vile creature that has ruined many lives, such as yours. That married man dared to play with your mother’s heart many years ago, destroying her sanity and her life and ultimately killing her. Now years later and being all grown up you decide to seek revenge, he deserves to suffer that same destiny and die of love. With the help of a few friends you plan to become a part of his life and his every thought but you didn't take into account his son, that man had the potential to turn your plans upside down.

𐙚 the black swan by @uselesslydamaged (completed)

sukuna x fem reader

Loving someone is easy, but experiencing it is harder.

𐙚 bodyguard by @/succybuss (on going)

toji x fem reader

Your Grandfather, a man involved in unsavory businesses that has taken you under his wing, has informed you that you will be under the care of a full-time Bodyguard. Unhappy with your grandfather's decision, you decide to go out for a night of drinking for your last night of freedom. There, you encounter a man you planned on taking home, but life had other plans in store for you...

𐙚 violet lights by @septembersummer (completed)

gojo x fem reader

In which you're at a party that you should've skipped when you capture the attention of a boy who looks like an angel and grins like the devil. He looks beautiful in the neon lights, and maybe you just want to make your ex-boyfriend jealous, but trouble with a tongue ring does sound like fun, just for tonight. What's the worst that could happen, you know?

𐙚 starboy by @septembersummer (completed)

gojo x fem reader

sequel to violet lights

After your ex-boyfriend gets arrested on national television, you find yourself realizing that you really didn’t know much at all about Gojo Satoru. Well, he’s better known in the Yakuza as The Six Eyes, not that he ever told you that.

𐙚 sweet little lies by @/mooglepaws (on going)

toji x fem reader

Megumi Fushiguro is the perfect Fiancé. Caring, loyal, successful, devastatingly handsome and crazy in love with you. So how and why do you end up fucking his Dad? As your wedding looms and the consequences of your affair unfold, you have to make a choice between the Fushiguro men.

This is a Toji x Reader x Megumi but the smut is almost exclusively Toji x Reader focusing on their affair.

𐙚 the twist of a knife by @darkcat23 (on going)

gojo x fem reader

This world is dull, colourless in your eyes. You are just trying to keep going with your life, not bothering anyone, trying to support your mother and yourself. So what happens when you agree to help your ex one night? And what if you catch the attention of a certain white haired assassin? And he shows you just how colourful this world truly is. or, a story of a girl with a violent mind and a boy with violent tendencies, finding each other, intertwining, and feeding off one another. perhaps it is fate that has brought them together. or perhaps it's something more sinister, something more cold.

𐙚 untameable waves by @/circedemedici

(unknown i guess hopefully i can let you know)

has been taken down i dont know if it’ll come back but if it does i’ll link it! but i’m leaving it here because it was most definitely my favourite :(

please let me know any other fics you’ve read because i love reading fics with a LOT of plot and also let me know if you end up reading any and you enjoy them as much as i did! :3

i think i used every tag known to man LOL 𐙚

[riyangiis]

kuni-fucking-kuzushi after he survives in every ending while yoimiya dies in every ending

FLAWLESS (Yandere!Various Genshin/Reader)

A/n: This is a complete interactive fic w/ CGs! There’s an HP system and 4 possible endings (yandere!Scaramouche, Alhaitham, Kaveh, and Kazuha). This is my final fanfic and I really put my best effort into drawing and writing this. Have fun!!! Your choices matter so read the evidences properly and try not to get a bad ending hahaha. (Pls answer this poll after and feel free to send me memes about who you got hAHHAHA)

Unreliable Synopsis: (Danganronpa!Genshin AU) If this is your last dance as an idol, then you do not want it. No. You’ll make the real criminal sing instead.

CW: yandere themes, blood, murders (well duh ansy–), and brief mentions of suicide.

Kazuha frowned. "For (L/n) (Y/n), this whole ordeal must seem like a flawless crime."

"They don't know the murder weapon, the suspects— no nothing." Kaveh sighed.

Alhaitham interjected. "Indeed, but the real questions will begin in a moment."

Words punctured the air in nameless accusations. Each time people enter this room, only distrust looms acting both as a safety blanket and suffocating plastic. You stared at the people left. One, two, three, four, five... You clenched your fist, and all those fingers pointed back at you. 

The sixth. 

There are only six survivors left.

"Say, (L/n) (Y/n)." Your Akademiyan companions stared at you as Kunikuzushi’s smirk could practically be heard in his voice. "Where were you at the time of the murder?"

You gulped.

The Teyvat Akademiya. Home only to the most renowned student of their craft. The faculty carefully picks out select groups of students to be their new freshmen- and it can only be counted by hand how many had declined such a generous offer. It was a government state university, but it was also a golden ticket to knowing people from high places.  

Each student was known for contributing something in their fields of interest. In fact, both your adoptive siblings were alumni of this prestigious school. Your brother Aether was a famous "adventurer" (as he loved to call himself instead of an artifact-obsessed archeologist) whereas your sister Lumine was a remarkable swordswoman with a straight-edged track record. Even your older friends, Dainsleif, and a certain glasses-wearing individual you had forgotten the name of were graduates and now boast incredible resumes befitting of an Akademiyan. Each alumnus you've met wasn't someone any person with a head on their shoulders would dare disrespect. 

But that was not the reason for your schoolmates’ evident intimidation.

“Allow them a moment to process,” Alhaitham scoffed. “The Body Discovery Announcement was approximately 2 hours ago. It’s challenging for individuals from the entertainment industry such as them to comprehend complicated matters in a few seconds.”

“I would’ve fainted at your rare attempt at empathy if it wasn't obviously pointed,” Kaveh scoffed before turning to you with a soft stare. “(Y/n), don’t listen to these two, I’m sure we can find out if you’re innocent or not later.”

You gave a short nod of assent.

Tragically, murders had become the norm for college students like yourself. No one has flinched at Kaveh’s grim mention of a suspect lurking by and none had the insanity to deny what had occurred.

It began when you first woke up in one of the Akademiya's classrooms. You stirred awake on a desk near Shikanoin Heizou, the "Detective Prince". He was a famous figure, so you instantly believed him when he said you were both hauled into this location against your will. You were enthused by his infectious desire to uncover whatever was behind the “kidnapping” you found yourselves in. He told you not to worry, that despite the barred windows and inaccessible exits, you'd both "probably" find a way out.  As you both wandered around the area, you found fourteen other students (some familiar faces, some not as much). For a brief moment of hope, everyone thought escape was possible. 

That was until a certain cold-eyed puppet entered the scene.

A heartless puppet you’re sure was waiting for everyone just under that elevator.

“Is… Is this everyone?” You asked like a mouse, frightened as your eyes darted for any hints of twinned cyan hair. Nothing about your recent behavior had gone unnoticed.

Senior Faruzan is missing…

Yoimiya frowned, grabbing your hand for comfort. “(Y/n)…”

Kunikuzushi scoffed. “Enough of this dumb ohhh boohoo exhibit. Let’s go.”

The most mysterious of the bunch left for the stairs immediately, punching the button on the elevator to its ground floor. Yoimiya huffed, muttering complaints about Kuni’s behavior while the three other men followed her silently. No one took the stairs two at a time and walked at a snail’s pace. A clear indication that no one wanted this to occur. 

And just like in the previous cases, Kazuha’s eyes were on you the entire time but spoke nothing of this behavior.

The elevator door opened. You looked at the camera above it. If the Shogun's words are to be trusted, then the outside world is watching your every move like reality TV.

If that's the case, might as well give them a show.

Kunikuzushi stepped aside, royally ushering everyone— and specifically YOU— in.

“Idols first.”

Everyone entered the trial room. If the mood from earlier was tense, it is worse now that you’re inside. Stepping into the cold room makes the situation all the more real.

There is an execution waiting to happen, but without a hint if it’ll be “us” or “them”. Every bright person inside the room here had previously partaken in 4 of these court sessions by force. Since no one can exit the premises nor contact the outside world, the only key out was to kill and avoid getting caught. 5 people had attempted to commit murder, and considering how you’re still breathing, none of the “blackened” had succeeded in getting their way.

How… How did it come to this? 

You enrolled in the Akademiya in hopes that you'd also find the subtle clues as to why Aether went missing, this wasn't in your plan.

Getting roped into this killing “game” was on no one’s to-do list. You received an invitation to enroll in the Akademiya because of your stark idol career, although your siblings being famous alumni may have greatly increased your chances of receiving that privilege. You would’ve thrown that paper into the fire if you knew you’d get dizzy upon arriving in the Akademiya and will wake up in such a heartbreaking dilemma. Hearing from a grapevine, you discovered that Kaveh was invited for his architectural drafts, Kazuha for his poems and a bit of swordsmanship in his repertoire, Yoimiya for her firework shows, and Kunikuzushi?… You don’t know. But you are wholly aware as to why Alhaitham is here as your senior— you were there when he opened his letter after all.

The “mascot” is yet to make her entrance. So, as “obedient” students, you’ve uncomfortably shuffled to the places you were meant to stand. Bile rose inside your throat as you looked at the last five students excluding yourself circling the room— with Faruzan’s crossed-out portrait to your right while Kamisato Ayaka’s on your left. It would appear that most of the dead students were on your side and the closest breathing person next to you was Kunikuzushi, who was two photographs away.

Alhaitham, Amber, Tighnari, Ajax, Albedo, Kamisato Ayaka, You, Faruzan, Xiao, "Kunikuzushi", Kaveh, Cyno, Yoimiya, Layla, Yunjin, Kaedehara Kazuha, and Shikanoin Heizou.

The deceased faces had been crossed out in bright violet paint, a nauseatingly unsubtle reminder that only six remained. Yet, the one that was meant to sit towering above was missing.

“… Where’s The Shogun?” Kazuha asked.

“Ah, so you do have a voice. And here I was about to call you a cricket. I thought our poet lost his words, considering how the previous trial ended,” Kunikuzushi mocked, rolling his eyes. “Just wait and see.”

You sighed, hoping it was quiet enough for Kuni not to have heard it. 

The last trial broke everyone’s spirits and sense of camaraderie the most. Before trials, the puppet gives everyone an incentive to kill. In the Ayaka-Heizou murder case, each student was given a videotape that raised more questions than answers. Yours was a clip of Lumine, your fellow theater actors, and idol mates congratulating you for your enrollment before it cuts off to a scene of your home burned to cinders. As for Ayaka, hers was a short-lived message of her older brother asking her to come visit the clan for Thoma’s upcoming birthday— before it cuts to a gruesome scene of her brother fatally wounded on their living room floor. 

“Find out what happens once you graduate!”... and then the tape ends.

Whoever was the mastermind behind this killing, you had to admit, they were an expert in psychological torture. And unfortunately for everyone, Ayaka was a smart individual— killing the most trustworthy student, Heizou, to cover her tracks better. She put up quite the fight in manipulating everyone to think that you and Kaveh were possible culprits.

You even got into an argument with the calmest person around. Kazuha was “convinced” that Ayaka was right, which led to you two entering an incredibly heated argument that left him depressed with his rejected apology. You were on "good terms" with him before, that being he would always offer to cook food and accompany you often. 

… Perhaps that was a good thing. Discreetly, you thought he strangely knew you to a degree that makes you far from comfortable. It still bugs you how he knew you all too well and yet you know nothing about him other than his aspirations: traditional Inazuman poetry writing with a bit of karuta on the side.

Maybe he used to be a big fan of yours? Even so, the foundation of your music, choreography, and persona was weaved through a tapestry of feel-good lies. And yet, he was wise enough to speak your true thoughts before you even hesitated to voice them in your cheery idol tone. 

But that’s not the issue right now. 

The issue on your plate was that you had no evidence to prove your innocence except for the list of school rules on your E-Handbook because you were convinced someone will kill you during the investigation.

You laughed to yourself bitterly. Might as well review those rules now.

You opened the E-Handbook.

As per “school rules”, there are regulations to be had in a murder game, but none stick to you as these three. Rule #10 and #7: A class trial will commence after three or more students have discovered a corpse, and a Body Discovery Announcement will play as soon as it occurs. However, a trial will be held if and only if every survivor is present; failure to do so will result in class “expulsion.” 

And the last rule that never left your mind was Rule #8: If the guilty party is exposed during the class trial, they alone will be executed.

By the end of Trial #4, she did not receive a proper execution. Ayaka was compelled to restore her honor and raised her sword to…

…

… You couldn’t hate her for it. Even though you were close friends with Heizou, you couldn’t hate any of your fellow students. They all had family, hopes, and visions for the future. Each one here was "a fledgling barely out of the nest." You couldn’t deny that you would’ve done the same.

"Since the Shogun isn't here yet, let's get a headstart," Kaveh gripped the court fence, eyeing everyone with a nervous stare and stiff posture. "What's your alibis?"

Nobody raised their voice initially. You cast a pitying glance toward Kaveh. When it comes to your closest friendships, he comes in second only to Heizou. As someone who had seen the horrors of the media which is essentially a mirror of the world's social issues, Kaveh's one of the few decent individuals left on the planet, in your opinion. In moments of quiet, you, Kaveh, and Faruzan used to chat together, with Heizou periodically interrupting to share his findings regarding everyone's entrapment.

Considering how Kaveh is your last true friend left, you volunteered yourself.

"I never left my room," you spoke audibly depressed, no longer caring that you appeared un-idol-like. "And I refused entry as well. I heard a couple of angry knocks at 9:37 p.m., but I didn't open my door for anyone."

You looked at Kazuha, hurt and accusingly.

You'd never forget how Kazuha called you a murderer. That intense argument made up 30% of Heizou's class trial. He lost his composure and called you a "dishonorable monster". The whole back-and-forth was very much unlike him. After the trial, neither of you talked– and you never left your room unless it was to get something to eat without anyone in sight.

If he was the one who killed Faruzan because he can’t get to you, then you’ll…

"9:37 eh? You got a watch now?" Kunikuzushi pointed at your wrist.

You snapped out of your aggression and nodded, which made him break out in a fit of laughter. 

"HAHAHA!!!" Kunikuzushi grinned, wide. "Learned your lesson, huh?!"

You scoffed, but your ego was humbled and your heart sank at his harsh words. 

Everyone in the room nearly lost their lives because of your time-blindness. It's precisely what made Kazuha suspicious of your motives. You were always unsure of the time, hence, you didn't have the most watertight alibi compared to Ayaka. Before you entered your room to lock yourself, Alhaitham blocked the door with his shoe and handed you his spare wristwatch. He was the last person you saw before your self-isolation.

"Good," Alhaitham said. "And you, Kunikuzushi?"

"Are we going to ignore that angry knocking thing?" Kaveh rightfully asked.

"Let's complete the first task first," Alhaitham answered. "Let's follow the circle; it's (Y/n), then Kunikuzushi, Kaveh, Yoimiya, Kazuha, then I."

"Conveniently putting yourself last," Kunikuzushi snarled. "But whatever. I was napping in my dorm. Woke up when I heard footsteps outside and decided to investigate. The discovery alarm rang off when I entered the nurse's office the second time."

Kaveh fell silent, his face pale.

"I… never went to m dorm that night"

"Oh?" You and Yoimiya curiously said in unison.

"I-I was with Alhaitham, patrolling!!!" Kaveh defended; his arms in the air. "I swear on my life, I was with him! We're probably the footsteps Kuni heard."

He spoke as if it was a good thing with his mouth, but he was whispering that it wasn’t with his eyes.

"Can't be certain," Kunikuzushi threw in a quick grumble and snapped his fingers. “But I think that's probably the case.”

"That makes sense. I mean, if Kuni was telling the truth then that just means there's more chance it's just those two hopping around. Oh, and I was actually on the second floor at the time. I was in the recreational room cause I wanted to get tokens for the cute little Shogun Stall.'' If Kuni’s side comment lasted a month, then Yoimiya's would be a year– but her good cheer is just what everyone needed to alleviate the tension.

"I wasn't in my dorm room either," Kazuha said. "I was in the cafeteria. I couldn't sleep so I decided to fry fish."

"True, I think. When I checked the cafeteria a knife was missing from the shelf."

"We’ll keep your fact-checking in mind, Miss Naganohara." 

No soul was sure if Alhaitham was being genuine about it except for you. And the answer was yes, he was being warily appreciative. Admittedly, you don’t know any of these people before this killing game started, except for one person…

Alhaitham looked away, conscious of how you looked at him.

In all fairness, Alhaitham was closer to Lumine than you and Aether, and he wasn’t your favorite neighbor either. As a kid, he was the type who would leave in the middle of hide-and-seek simply because the ordeal wasn’t “stimulating” to his developing intellect. He had a habit of causing uncomfortable situations just to “observe” your reactions with an emotionless stare. Alhaitham had once given you a sumeru rose with a startling grasshopper to see how you would behave, and the worst part is that everyone knows he did these without malice. His grandmother had to force a sorry out of him for your tears to dry. “He probably has a crush on you, you know how boys are,” was the excuse the old lady tried, but your twin siblings were quick to shut that thought down. You and he were simply oil and water, nothing more, nothing less.

But there were times you two got along. When you aired out loud sentiments regarding how stuffy his room must be, you snatched the book he was reading and dashed up the nearest tree. Despite his grumbling reservations, he was thankful that you taught him how to climb that afternoon. That was the first you saw him smile wider than usual and offered to narrate the book you stole: The Little Prince. 

However, that version of Alhaitham you’ve come to love remains awol amidst this killing game.

"As for my whereabouts: Kaveh is correct. He and I were patrolling just the first floor and exchanging conversation. Neither of us could sleep. We started at 9:15 and ended abruptly at 11:05, when we, along with Kunikuzushi, found–"

"The body." Kunikuzushi finished.

"Yes," Alhaitham said.

Kunikuzushi smirked. From your perspective, the worst part about this was not Kunikuzushi’s inappropriate smugness, but the look in his eyes that mirrored what Heizou used to have— what your good friend used to be. The light in his eyes, his more forward demeanor, the way he crossed his arms and snapped his fingers– it was as if he was copying him. 

Mocking him.

You hate Kunikuzushi. You detest just how much you don’t know why he’s in the Akademiya or anything else about him other than his first name. You loathe how he had made it his job to be the antagonist of every damn class trial. You hate how he looks at you as though you’re beneath him. You despise how much he is willing to withhold vital information till the very end.

Kunikuzushi is like a commedia dell’arte stock character. A Scaramouche. An unreliable servant. You can’t trust a man who said he was moved by your acting in all your filmography only to act like he wants nothing more than to crush your spirits once lives were at stake.

After listening to everyone’s alibis, your intuition screamed from something deep within a place you had begun to trust after experiencing these trials:

Out of six survivors, FOUR of them are hiding something.

“Is everyone present?”

Before you could speak up, a low and refined woman’s voice stole everyone’s attention. All turned to gaze at the long synthetic-haired lady with a katana by her side. She returned the stares with an unfathomable coldness as she strutted to her throne, the silk of her grand kimono touching the floor. 

There she is. The lone audience and judge. The puppet: the Almighty Raiden Shogun. Undoubtedly made of metal and not flesh. Xiao had learned that firsthand when he sacrificed his life in an honorable duel against the captor— but seeking freedom by force was of no use when she herself is capable of the murders she wished to witness.

“Very well. We shall begin.”

“W-Wait, hold up, ma'am!”

The last vaguely extroverted cheerleader raised her hand; her bravery to interrupt the Shogun was acknowledged.

“... Can I share my E-Handbook data with (Y/n)?” She asked, high-pitched.

The medical and criminological technology of this era eluded everyone. Trapped inside the Akademiya with no phones or any signal to the outside world, each student only has their E-Handbook to rely on. It contains information the owner investigated regarding murders and records testimonies made by their peers. A handbook is only “handy” for both people who were hoping to survive and those who were hoping to twist the facts. 

And that offer is exactly what you need.

“You see– they didn’t leave their room during the investigation period– probably worried that the killer might be after them next and they kinda turned into a hikikomori for the past few days. I’m kinda worried they wouldn’t be able to defend themselves on this trial so… So, uh… Pretty please?” The blonde girl smiled nervously.

The Raiden Shogun stared, calculating.

“I shall allow it.”

“Thank you so much!” Yoimiya tapped her E-Handbook as fast as she could, more eager than you were in watching the loading screen fill up.

(SYSTEM: RECEIVING NAGANOHARA YOIMIYA’S E-HANDBOOK DATA…)

(SYSTEM: TRANSFER COMPLETE.)

You smiled at Yoimiya but it came out crooked and jaded. She didn’t complain that you weren’t at your top form today, but she did send you a loud “Do your best!” in her native tongue.

The Shogun walked to the throne and took her seat.

“Now then, let the class trial begin.”

Out like a bolt of lightning, the doors behind you were completely shut with metal bars in her flick of a wrist. In her twisted form of justice, she hammered the circular surface with her gavel.

“Court is now in session.”

(SYSTEM: TAP HERE TO CONTINUE)

[theriverdalereviewer]

it’s been a hard first month yall 😕