#had already made so much progress on the episodes that they didnt feel like trying to go back and change it

[sonknuxadow]

also speaking of sonic underground its just now registering in my mind that sonic underground came out AFTER sonic adventure but still uses the classic designs for sonic and knuckles. has anyone else ever noticed this.

[indescribeable]

Can you write Sam comforting Mika when depressed?

Ok so I have very much so been slacking I know and I'm sorry I just really haven't had any motivation to write anything but I got pinged with this ask today and even though I have like 3 or four other asks in my inbox I decided to try this one (don't worry those who asked me for other scenarios I will get around to doing them eventually I promise but for now here you go I hope you enjoy. TW mentions depression it's not heavy but it is there. Sorry, it's so short but I hope you like it anon <3

It's okay not to be okay.

Title from kdrama of the same name.

Depression unfortunately is never black and white, it takes on many different forms and is often a rollercoaster, never simple, never easy. There may be millions of articles and studies on the subject but no definitive answer or cure. You lose the motivation to do even basic tasks. Mika had experienced what felt like all ends of the spectrum when it came to depression, she had been in some deep and truly dark places throughout her life and managed to get back out somehow but never fully escaped them. It had been quite some time since she had an episode like that, which made her feel worse. She was upset with herself for falling back in, Currently, she was lying in her comfort clothing, baggy grey sweatpants and a hoodie drowning herself in her bed covers staring aimlessly out the large windows leading to the balcony of her room. Rain battered the windows, the room cast in a dark grey shadow fitting for her current mood and state. She had been there for days now barely moving, barely eating and it was safe to say the boys were getting concerned.

They were doing all they could think of to try to make her feel better, James had turned to researching Mika's symptoms trying to figure out what was going on though to his dismay as depression was such a wide and intricate subject he couldn't find what he was looking for, sure there were multiple things you could try but at the end of the day there was no definitive cure and for a lot of the suggested things to work the person dealing with it has to be willing to try like therapy for example sure it would probably help her alot but unless she was willing to try it he couldnt do anything as forcing her into it wouldn’t benefit anybody , Erik tried to help Mika relax through things like playing relaxing piano music, tried helping her through her dreams (with permission of course) but still couldn't make any progress, Matthew made her favourite foods and sweets, tried to get her to play video games with him, he made her a plethora of stuffed animals even simon tabby was trying his best so much so he was behaving for once staying with her snuggled up to try and provide what comfort he could, Damien was there to listen, to talk, it hurt being able to hear all the dark things she was thinking about herself and he tried his best to reassure her but if she didnt believe it herself then not much would come of it. 

Sam on the other hand hadn’t come to see her, it's not that he didn't want to but he was never really good with human emotions, never great at providing comfort, never good with his words. It was eating away at him that she wasn't ok, that he couldn't figure out what the hell he was supposed to do. She had already been through so much with Malix and Diana, her parents and even that jackass Andrew, it angered him to no end that even though those events had long since passed that they all still managed to affect her life. The few days she had been cooped up in her room she hadn't eaten and wasnt taking care of herself, the boys were running out of ideas and had a meeting around half an hour ago the conclusion being to get Sam to go check on her even with his objection, not because he didn't want to but because he didn't know what to do, didn't want to make it worse so he had been pacing outside her door for the last 20 minutes, luckily she couldn't hear his pacing due to the storm outside.

His pacing only came to a halt when he heard sniffles coming from her room. She had been silent as a mouse for the past few days but she had finally broken. The choked sobs and sniffles broke his heart, knowing he couldn't just leave her like that he finally worked up the courage to go inside. Slowly raising his hand he gently knocked on her door.

“Hey, doofus it's me……..can I come in?” 

As soon as he spoke the sobbing stopped and after a few moments he heard a feint “okay” come from the other side of the door, it took him a second to register what she had said as it was so quiet but as soon as he did he gently opened the door stepping inside the room shutting the door behind him. He stood there for a few moments not really sure what to do, she hadn't moved and they both just sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Not being able to take it anymore Sam made his way over to the side of the bed Mika was currently lying on sitting on the edge staring out the windows with her. Again silence fell over the two again but it felt less awkward they stayed like that for a while before Sam spoke up turning to face her as he did.

“Doofus look at me” 

It took her a few moments but eventually, she gave in looking up at him. Her eyes were all red, puffy and swollen and she had a permanent frown etched onto her face. Sam's expression softened before he reached over petting her hair as he spoke.

“Look doofus, im not really good at this kind of stuff and I have no idea what you're going through, I know I haven't come to see you before now but I just didn’t know what to do and I didn't want to make it worse for you but I want you to know that im here for you I don't know if that's reassuring or comforting for you but it's all I've got, I’m not like Damien I cant easily figure out what going on in that head of yours but I can say with 100% certainty that it’s nothing is your fault and its ok to let yourself feel sad or angry heck if needed you can come take your anger out on me for all I care I wouldnt doubt that I deserve it but you can't do that if you don’t take care of yourself. Like I said I don’t know what you're going through and I can tell it's hard for you but you do deserve to be happy Mika, you have done so much for me and my brothers not that we really deserve it with the shit storm we've ended up bringing into your life but were all really worried about you……….. I’m really worried about you.” 

Silent tears began flooding from Mika's eyes as she stared into his concerned green ones.

“Im really sorry Sam, all I ever seem to do is worry you guys, I don’t want to feel this way but I can't help it, I feel like im just being dragged further and further into the darkness with no way out and…. I didn’t want to drag you guys down with me.” 

Sam's frown deepened as he gently picked up one of Mika's hands capturing it with both of his larger ones letting out a large sigh before responding. 

“Doofus you are always thinking of everyone else before yourself, don’t worry about us all we want is for you to get better no matter how long it takes, no matter what it takes you should be worrying about yourself, not us.” 

She let out a huffed laugh before responding “You should take your own advice too ya know.” Sam let out a light chuckle at that. 

“You may be right but don't change the subject this is about you, not me, I know that whatever any of us say isn't going to make you instantly better but I wasn't lying im here to talk to whenever you need even if you just need to rant as someone listens.”

“The thing is I don’t have anything to say, I can’t even figure out what's wrong with me all I know is I feel really heavy, I don't have the energy to do anything it’s like I have this huge hole where my hearts supposed to be, my mind won't shut up and I can't help but believe everything it’s telling me I don’t want to but I can't help it.” As she continued to speak rogue tears began to stream down her cheeks. “I know that what im thinking isn't true but I can't let myself believe that no matter how hard I try, I’m so sick and tired of fighting with myself, of being exhausted all the damn time, I can't even do something as basic as fucking taking care of myself!” At this point she was sobbing and shaking as she spoke, Sam could feel the rage coming off her though it was only for a short moment as quickly as it arrived it was replaced with sadness. Before he could even register what he was doing Sam had pulled her upright wrapping her in a tight hug, as she buried her face in his shoulder he buried his nose in her hair squeezing as tight as he could while still giving her enough room to breathe. He didn't know much about this kind of thing but he did know that applying enough pressure could help relax her. 

After what felt like an eternity of tears Mika finally ran out and they simply sat there in silence neither of them willing to move out of the embrace. 

“You don’t have to bottle it all up Doofus, take it from me keeping it all to yourself doesn't help anyone and there's no shame in asking for help.” 

After a few moments, she pulled back lifting her head with a small yet truly genuine smile on her face flooding Sam with relief the wave so powerful it almost knocked him down.

She reached up with her small shaking hand gently cupping his cheek before responding “Thank you, Sammy, I really don't know what I would do without you. I can’t promise you anything but im gonna try and you're not as bad at this as you think you are ya know.” 

He couldn't help his cheeks flushing at the nickname and her words but still, he offered her a kind and relieved smile before pulling her into another bear hug. 

“That's all we could ever ask of you, doofus and thank you I don't agree with you on that last bit but thank you.” 

She chuckled in response “It doesn't matter if you don't agree with me it's still true.”

After a few moments of companionable silence, Mika spoke up again raising her head to meet his eyes blushing before speaking. 

“Will you stay with me? I really don’t want to be alone right now.” 

Sam responded with a blush of his own covering his cheeks nodding “Sure doofus.” 

Sam gently released her from his arms letting her settle back down onto the bed before laying next to her facing her and pulling her tight to his chest nuzzling the top of her head with his nose. As both of their eyelids began to feel heavy a thought popped into his head.

“Hey doofus you still haven't eaten anything yet.”

Mika responded quietly slightly slurring her words as she was quickly falling asleep. 

“I’ll eat when we wake up.” Sam let out a soft chuckle before responding.

“You better or I'll throw you over my shoulder and bring you down to the kitchen myself.” 

She let out a light sleepy chuckle in response tickling his chest with her breath.

“I promise I will, as long as you make breakfast.” 

“Are you sure you want that doofus, there's a reason why Matthew and James do all the cooking you know.” 

She chuckled again before responding. “I don’t care im only gonna eat it if you make it.” 

She could feel him smile against the top of her head the feeling giving her a sense of warmth she hadn't felt for days.

“Fine doofus ill make breakfast but even if it tastes like shit your still eating it.” 

“Haha, as long as you're making it I’ll eat it.” 

Finally, they both drifted off into a peaceful sleep in each other's arms the sound of heavy rain fading away as the sky outside cleared and the sun began to set filling the room with an orange glow before fading into comforting darkness. 

[divorcingjimmatthews]

fresh thoughts / reactions on the new episode (S2E4)

(warning: its LONG but separated in chapters by character so it's like you're reading game of thrones)

on Kenny

KENNY???? kenny???? when ??? Are they going to stop beating my boy??? when is he going to catch a break???? Hes so hurt already stop!!! my sweet boy youre breaking him!!

(*takes a deep breath*)

okay im normal now. i just want to wrap kenny in a warm blanket and give him some hot chocolate. this was devastating. let me start by saying that i really liked that kenny wanted to put sara in the box, it goes to show how even "sweet cinammon roll" characters have their limits and imo his reaction is entirely reasonable. i think he might change his mind after he's had some time to process his feelings but even if he doesn't i still think his stance is understandable.

also... kenny just wants kristi to be happy :') my sweet boy

on Boyd

i think boyd was really interesting this episode, the flashback was great (also—kenny in a hoodie! i manifested it /jk) and what boyd said about himself, that he's just trying to be someone people can look to and think he's got things together and under control even though he doesn't, really helped me put his actions with sara and lying to kenny into perspective. if not for that scene i probably wouldve watched the episode and thought "what the hell boyd?" but the flashback made me realise that i was kinda seeing the character through the filter of "guy who's supposed to know what he's doing". he's put so much effort into building this image of himself that shattering it by acting like just some guy who's under a hell of a lot of stress had catastrophic consequences. he fucked up huge w kenny but i also feel like its unfair that one person has to carry so much weight on his shoulders if that makes sense

on Jade

i want to kill him but also kiss him softly and tell him everything is going to be okay what can i say. he actually smiled this episode :) i loved watching him be nice in his own way. but also damn he's definitely doing worse by the day. the friendship with the bus driver???? superb. a perfect writing choice. i just love the way hes trying to push everyone away but also just starved for human comfort and connection. i was really happy to see him just be with someone so they could at least drown their sorrows together instead of alone. am i shipping them? yes. my ideal jade ship was trudy but they cruelly took her from us so ill have to keep looking for options. anyone around his age is game

also him being just pissed that the matthews were living there now was so funny. "at least you had a house" actual 5 year old behavior. love to see it. you'll warm up to them jade

on Jim

jim you're going to break all your remaining bones can you PLEASE follow the doctors orders and stick to the bed for a while?? he put the experiment theory canonically on the table and i think that's great, i think it's a pretty sound theory though i think there's going to be more to it, not just an experiment to gather data but for some specific purpose that we're yet to know.

on Sara

oh babygirl you really fucked up big time back in season one didnt you. personally i dont blame sara but id be worried that what happened to her could happen again. everything about her was heartbreaking this episode but when she casually said that the boy in white may also be trapped in this place??? dammit. that's a game changer for all of my theories if true. was he ever a normal human boy? do people get supernatural abilities from continued survival / progress in this place or something like that? like martin giving boyd his blood was super deliberate and we've still got to see if it's really gonna be a curse or if it could be a blessing after the initial adjustment period. it stopped his tremors at least and who knows maybe it comes with some extra bonuses like the monsters not seeing you as prey idk. im totally rambling rn.

on Julie

soooo julie and edgin huh. im digging it. theyre cute. i really like julie and i want good things for her. i hurt so much for her when fatima rejected her advances she was so nervous and excited poor sweet bean

on Victor

saving my strongest feelings for last i love victor so much and it hurt me so much to see him hurt and mad at ethan :''') jade look at what you've done. i need this to get fixed. i need them to be friends again. can i just say how well victor has kept it together under the circumstances of well, his whole life? it's like he's nice even when he's mad. there's just something about his character and i love him so much. but i got so sad watching this like ethan tried to stop jade he doesn't deserve the hate !!! but its understandable that victor needs time to get things back to normal. ethan bringing him the drawing supplies also... :') they're so sweet

on Randall (was that his name?)

im literally terrified for him like he wasn't listening to donna's instructions and being on the bus without anything to cover the windows he's prime candidate for the monsters tricking him into pretending to be someone he knows dammitttt its making me so nervous just to think about it. they set him up a lot to just kill him now so i dont think hes realistically gonna die on his first night alone but uhhhhh maybe he will. maybe he will and im worried.

[thekaijudude]

Ultraman Anime Season 3 Review

This was absolutely the best season by far, theres much less inconsistency and plotholes this time around. And with 12 episodes, it definitely felt more comprehensive and less rushed.

Tho there were still some sticking points which Ive made a list of while binge-watching the season such as:

1. I felt that the portrayal of the scene where Hayata supposedly “dies” couldve had a much greater impact if it was shown that Shinjiro was able to identify Hayata on the rooftop prior. It was really weird to see Shinjiro act out when the blast imploded when previously it was shown that he couldnt even make out what was happening on the rooftop.

2. The whole idea of “Bemular being Ultraman” point has been put off so far by this point that seeing him working behind the scenes felt so painful and contrived to watch cause no one from the main cast really “acknowledges” him even tho they should since hes literally Ultraman. And with all the events tied to his existence, aka Shinjiro’s 2nd awakening and the Space Contraction event from Season 2, has no one bothered to consult him on the validity of the Universal Alliance Council? 

3. Daisuke later pointed out that Bemular was Ultraman, but previously no one seemingly make the link so to have this reveal being taken so nonchalantly at that point feels like a total waste of dramatic reveal (but then again, its a reveal thats been late for 3 seasons alr so..). But in fact, they didnt even outright reveal that, they just simply pointed out that Bemular somehow has access to Specium, as a manga-reader im like bruh wtf is this, its like the anime writers are trying their absolute best NOT to establish this connection like wtf

4. I found it really weird that Adad didnt really bother to give more info about Mephisto to Dan, sounds like prolonging the plot for no reason and being mysterious for the sake of being mysterious, because there was really no reason why shouldnt, especially since at that point in time, the SSSP were dealing with the Univeral Alliance Council as a whole, which threatens bascially everyone

5. Anyone else had the feeling that Taro was nerfed for the first half? Dude was just reduced to shooting fireballs and not literally sprout actual flamethrowers and pulses of pure fire like in Season 2

6. So Rena just stupidly decided to trust Seiji even tho his suit was spotted killing her dad? Plus Seiji’s filmsy explanation was really weird considering he was framed.  This is some Asahi-leveling of illogical behavior coming from both sides since this new piece of revelation shouldve stunned and alarmed both parties in question 

7. There was a pretty convenient plothole here, that Taro told Ide that he was gonna go to the hospital that Endo is at but Shinjiro went to the hospital that Ultraman and Zetton fought in, and only later it was revealed that apparently its the same hospital wut? Alot of conveniences here this season

8. Another convenient point to hasten plot progression was Bruh Jack and Rena showing up at the SAME town that Shinjiro and Taro are in even tho they came from vastly different locations? Jack had just arrived from the US and Rena literally came from the Alien city

9. Another convenient point was why didnt Zarab just killed off Endo instead of leaving him alive in the first place tho? In fact, why was he hurt in the first place? It was obvious that Mephisto already knew about the “Calamity” plan, and Jack even detailed it out to the rest later on. In fact, why didnt Bemular just pop up to the SSSP and explained wtf was happening to Shinjiro and how to manage it, it was apparent that he knew what was going on from the get-go but seemingly as an act to artificially prolong the plot, he refused to talk directly to the SSSP and this bascially setup the redundant chain of events that lead to Endo’s assassination attempt

10. Valky pointed she had different goals from Mephisto, but we have no idea what it was even till the end? Was it a planned subplot that got abandoned again?

11. While Taro did came to the conclusion that the there was indeed the existence of Fake Ultraman, this was truly only valid to explain the cases of Shinjiro going berserk in the 1st and 3rd instance. We saw that Shinijiro truly went berserk during the 2nd instance when he envisioned Zetton for the 2nd time but he didnt really point that out either during Taro’s monologue.

12. Bemular died too quickly and we still don't have an in-anime explanation why he became like this

13. So it was never really explained why did Shinjiro not evolve into a Giant of Light again? And why is evolving into a Giant of Light a bad thing either? Would he lose himself after evolving or...? Cause it wouldve helped if we had more exposition on this, this whole line of logic of Shinjiro becoming a Calamity was very obviously rushed and botched considering its aided by the fact that Bemular for some reason, refuses to actually provide his expertise on wtf is going on with Shinjiro throughout the season

14. The various “visions” Shinjiro had throughout the season was so random, literally the exact same situation as Orb in UFO having visions about ES of all things, except in this case, this was purely done for convenient plot progression like bru

Overall, it was kind of rushed near the end because the fact that Shinjiro still went out of control seemingly on purpose in the public eye made it still hard to believe he didnt had his power under control

Plus from the standpoint of the public which was deluded so deeply by Mephisto prior and had their reservations, truly it wouldve been less convinced. Esepically at the end of the day, Mephisto and Edo’s of logic makes complete sense and the anime totally sidestepped addressing the crux of the conflict between the 2 ideologies with no reconcilation, it ended up being reduced to Shinjiro’s personal character development instead. Especially so since Edo and Mephisto were sort of lumping their attitude towards the New Ultras with the impact of the original Ultraman itself

But this season gets BIG bonus points as imagine my surprise when Maya was still alive lmao (since yall know from my s2 review that I really didn't like how they handled Maya's character then) for the post-credits scene, but it still dosent explain the plotholes of the other Warudan aliens in the previous season

Again, this was definitely the best season by far and with EVEN MORE exciting action. 

Although this is the final season, I doubt TsuPro is actually done with this venture since Season 2 was Netlflix Japan’s Number 1 anime last year and I have no doubt Season 3 would be the same this year. And tbh, this is literally the final season purely because the Manga just simply doesnt have enough content at this point to warrant a 4th Anime Season. So I suspect that this sub-franchise most likely continue with as said, the Tiga/Zero route and either theyre gonna be following the Novel concept of also including the previous Ultra suits from the first 3 seasons, or itll be a totally brand new, fresh slate with totally new suits and characters involved only.

Personally Im hoping itll be a mixture of the 2, but for this to work, they would most likely have to nerf Shinjiro and have him being able to only use the Type B suit. And I really hope we get to see the suits of other ultras like the ones we saw some years back like Gaia, Max, Hikari etc

In fact, I believe I read somewhere that theres gonna be some news about this on the 21st of this month, so stay tuned

[expired-blueberries]

hi i was the reboot massacre anon. it wasnt only you there were a couple people i was responding to. thank you for answering though!! youve got some interesting insights (i mean this genuinely)

im gonna be real i forgot a lot of details because it's been a While since i gave up. i had like a vague memory of starting to like the rich kid villain but then feeling like that stopped and didnt end up going much anywhere? i guess that mustve been "starting to get more backstory but then he didnt show up again forever."

also i worded the kevin and albedo thing badly: i did like new kevin for the most part actually, he was interesting. i was more disappointed about lack of albedo, since he was one of my absolute favorites. that one is on me for just clinging to old continuity.

but there are a lot of new designs i like too. most of the blue energy fused versions of aliens were really cool, as were kevin's corrupted/upgraded versions, and even that steampunk xlr8 that was only in like one episode. im not just like Unilaterally Hating Things That Are New theres a lot of neat stuff in the reboot

i dont think most of my complaints are with old vs new continuity. my biggest issues were just feeling like theres a lot of inconsequential filler, flat characters, and confusing or lacking motivations. to me, most episodes felt like EITHER the writers/producers didnt respect the characters/world enough to fully think through the logic of what characters are doing or what impact they have on the worldbuilding (my initial lizard-brain emotional reaction), OR theyre being forced to churn out so MANY episodes one after another that they dont have time to give "minor details" as much thought (my later conclusion after thinking on it). but maybe this gets better in later seasons though! thats why i was thinking i might try again.

in particular, the way you describe ben's reaction to the knight (i remember there being the beginnings of a new knight villain) is interesting to me, even if max's reaction is odd. because the fact that ben shows panic at all feels like more character depth than i ever saw in the early eps. like thats interesting to me because theyre really considering the consequences of how an actual ten year old (or anyone really!!) might actually react to someone powerful so easily and repeatedly swatting him aside. even original ben didnt get to be afraid very often. makes the characters feel more real if they can have negative reactions to things.

Aww, hey anon, great to see you again! Hope you're doing well~

Sadly, you're right that Billy (rich kid villain) didn't show up much again after he started getting insights into his backstory. Even when he did, any forward progress he could've made was quickly torn away from him. I can think of at least two times he could've had some character growth, and, indeed, even HAD character growth, only for said growth to then be rescinded for the end-of-episode gag. He pretty much ended the series the same as he started it, which is a total tragedy. I hope if the reboot timeline is continued in the future that they make him a full-fledged friend of the Tennysons, but I also doubt it'll happen  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I also totally get what you mean by missing Albedo! He's such a cool guy, and I think the reboot could've done something really fascinating with him if they added him to the cast. I'm not sure if it would've been something good, necessarily, but definitely interesting all the same. Personally, I'm okay with him not being in the reboot (despite how much I like him), just because I really enjoyed the cast that we already had, and I'd be worried that we would have to get rid of one character just to add Albedo. But I definitely get wishing he were in the reboot! I've seen a lot of fanart of him in the reboot style, because a lot of people feel the same as you!

I agree with the complaints about inconsequential filler. Unfortunately, the reboot is stuffed to the brim with it. I guess that's what happens when you only have ten minutes and an episodic cartoon style to tell a story... sadly, you have to spend most of that time doing absolutely nothing new. I'm glad that your conclusion is different than your original perspective, though! From what I've seen of the crew that worked on the show, it seems like a lot of them really respect the franchise and enjoyed the characters (Kelly Turnbull in particular has had the best tweets talking about it IMO). I definitely understand the initial kneejerk reaction of thinking that they disrespected the franchise and didn't care about the story, especially in the shock of moving from the prime timeline to the reboot timeline, but I'm glad you moved on from that thought! For a lot of prime timeline fans who tried reboot and dropped it, it seems like that initial kneejerk reaction is what stopped a lot of them, so I totally get it.

Although I disagree with thinking the characters are flat and have confusing or lacking motivations, I also understand where you get that idea from. The episode format (ten minutes long, mostly just jokes and action sequences for a large amount of the show) definitely doesn't do it any favor, and a lot of the time the only time you can get actual character depth is when you're least expecting it, or else in a special/movie. That's definitely one of the downsides of reboot. Some of the characters, like Max, are pretty one-dimensional, too, I'm sad to say. Kids cartoons nowadays often seem to dumb-down the adults, which is tragic.

Ultimately, I think a lot of the depth of reboot comes from having to do a bit of deeper thinking on your own, rather than just accepting what the reboot gives you. Like, yeah, Billy seems pretty flat on the surface, but then you have to think about how dismissive his parents are, how it seems like there's nobody in the world who truly cares about him, and how it's obvious deep down that he genuinely wants friendship but is never allowed to get it, and he's pretty interesting. Or, Charmcaster just seems like some kid who ran away from home to live out her witchy dreams, but then you look a little deeper and realize she was being groomed and predated upon by a being that was centuries old and only using her as a battery, and suddenly her vitriol at the world starts to make sense. A lot of the depth, you have to connect dots to find it. It's there! But it's hidden. Personally, I enjoy doing that sort of deep searching. It's in my nature to overthink everything. But I definitely understand why you might not have noticed it on first watch, especially if you didn't watch the right episodes.

I think you are pretty correct on your later deduction, that they don't have enough time to give the little details attention thanks to the sheer amount of episodes they had to put out. They make a pretty good big picture, but the small picture does lack, unfortunately.

If I could be so bold as to suggest what to watch? If you find that you really can't sit through the entire reboot, but you really do want to see why some people (like me) sing its praises so highly, I suggest you skip almost the entirety of the first season, picking up on the season finale (Omni-Tricked parts 1-4). From there, season finales, specials, and the movie are good to watch. I also suggest all of the Forever Knight episodes, because every episode with him in it that I can remember furthers the plot of his arc. I would also watch the Michael Morningstar episodes. Not all Kevin episodes are necessary to watch, but I find they're almost always some of the most enjoyable, so I suggest just watching all of them. Charmcaster episodes are usually pretty good. I personally like the Billy episodes, but like we've already discussed, his character doesn't really go anywhere permanently, always losing its gains by the end of the episode. Episodes with Phil are usually pretty good, or at least okay, and I'm pretty sure at least a few of them advance the plot or hint at backstory. Really, I've seen at least two posts on two different social media sites about plot-based episodes of the reboot to watch, so if you looked it up on Google, you could probably find them and have a better idea of what to watch!

Honestly, the thing a lot of people don't realize about reboot, is that it actually does a pretty fantastic job (imho) of handling serious topics and the characters negative emotions. That episode with the Knight is one example, but if you want another example, then I'll humbly point you to the Ben 10,010 special. In said special, we see Ben in the future as a washed up and burnt out hero, living a solitary life away from all friends and family. This is the future that he eventually ends up at after all his years of heroics, and I think it's the most realistic; what person could grow up normal after being forced to become a hero so young? After living through unimaginable horrors? After having the very universe itself thrust onto their shoulders? In the end, my greatest complaints with that special is that we don't see future Kevin as a human, we don't see Glitch in his humanoid form, and Ben does the loathsome "gains a lot of weight while depressed but he loses it all at the end to show that he actually is all better now!" trope. But this special and that episode aren't the only ones we see the characters deal with negative emotions! I know Gwen has an episode where she handles feeling unappreciated and uncared for, and Ben actually has another episode featuring the Knight where he deals with negative emotions like not being trusted by his family and not being listened to. On its face, reboot doesn't look like it would ever handle these topics, but it does, and I think it does a pretty great job of it! They're usually resolved pretty quickly, but what can you expect from a ten minute long episodic series?

Haha, sorry again for the word spam, but yeah! Like I said before, I totally understand if you try reboot again and still end up not liking it. It isn't for everybody, and that's totally okay! That said, I hope that if you DO end up giving it another chance, you enjoy it! Who knows, stranger things have happened, right? Like an alien watch falling to Earth and giving a random ten year old the power to shapeshift

[icecreamkink]

so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -

this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe 

like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence ....  but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing

ok this will get long so cut it is

how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it

i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe

i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling

was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character

and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK

related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺

ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no

they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn

everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)

loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad 

also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time

overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out

THE PARALELOGRAMS

fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting

but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?

i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh

interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that 

plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse

like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured. 

like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain

his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups

weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot”  that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird. 

especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN 

also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually

 the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them

tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute  

also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him

i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic

. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased  

johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong! 

but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn

Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid 

case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up

billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene 

seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit 

also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!

i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve  done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better 

martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it

love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again

“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT 

also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait

seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know

interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that? 

like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls

and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)

feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses

the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior

the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK 

that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.

the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is       

like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation,  and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like   Like them, as in, personality wise 

like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues, 

which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far

robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is

hawk............... is there i guess,

 demetri is annoying in the best way possible,

 carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.

aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her

moon the bi icon, 

overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast 

the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight

and honestly some sam/tory        miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying! 

also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .

 and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses? 

robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.

LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun

bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more

 tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :( 

the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good

i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon

also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean

also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic

when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show

when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers

also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts

AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD

i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that    but oke

daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging

JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER

daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass

parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now

“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched

this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg

everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers

also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting??   ?  ??    ??        ?                ?    ?          ??                  ?    ? girl??

stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((

sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture...  uwu maybe

robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@  johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart. 

also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY 

i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break

ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK

so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐

and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out 

miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold

also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH

 ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd 

final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!

[misterbitches]

i had the misfortune of finally watching/getting through what happened in whatever episode where he gets raped so im gonna talk about it and tag it cos that's what a bitch fuckin feels like, got it? i do what i want aint no limit bad ass bitch aint never been timid. woopsie realized i got the nicknames confused oh well lmao

it's just logistically and plot wise like there's literal plot holes in this and i'm taking the production and set-up into account along with the actual content and development. im an ARTIST OKAY im jk i mean i am and i am pretentious and terrible but look. i didnt get that degree and im not in a house worth of debt for nothing ok. it's called writing on tumblr about my grievances of shows that dont matter and do not respect me as a fat black american woman either so it is my fault yet here i am.

anyway it was worse than i imagined and their talk after (with chengren) was even worse. that's what i mean about making the lines their own (the actors) bc teng teng sounded like a straight up motherfucking moron and im like

bECAUSE IT'S HIM EVEN THO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY U STUPID BITCH? but then it's like awwww and they also care about his wellbeing obviously??? but no? but it's like ok still teng teng said it even if it's stupid because he is a character and charles puts that forth. the people that fail the most to do that are xing si's family but that's not the actors fault because it's the literal material. you're like wait what but you just said...?

so i know they have no script editors i guess i think i find this season ACTUALLY fascinating because of just how egregious it is. i also went back and watched history: obsessed which i thought i liked because of their chemistry even though god the production....but i tried rewatching it and i was like wow this is worse than i remembered and the production issues were even worse because some of the music was SO LOUD AND BAD HOLY FUCK and their whole rship isssssss a sight to behold lmao

so man i guess it really is the power of anson/charles. which is good cos we love to see it...sort of but also a lot.

i honestly....because i've been able to pay attn more to the aftermath of the rape going back and putting it into more context and focusing (just barely lmao) is hm even worse. the inconsistencies are insane. it's not even just about the act but the writers have zero idea where they are going because they have no interest in exploring it. but the way in which it happens is like fascinating. yong jie literally thinks he owns xing si and it doesn't matter if he was kissing him or not or asked for a kiss on the lips (which dude what the fuck? i'll get to that) because he was plied with "extremely strong drinks" and his mom knew about it....which girl congrats you're an accomplice to the rape of your son by your other son?

but first of all...the kissing thing. in what fucking world would he (xing si) want that unless he thought he (yong jie) was someone else. i can't say their attraction is evident because we are being lead by this team to think so; they create this false sense of sensuality already so to me that signifies that they never intended for them to have a bond as brothers. it just feels cheap and fucking lazy (which it is.) even if he did, which doesn't make sense considering the context THEY CONSTRUCTED, it wouldn't matter because he was so fucking drunk which.... at that point nothing is fun, you feel sick, who wants sex like that? does he not have whiskey dick? did they have a condom? was it not painful for him considering? even if this was something to easily get over like was the dick good? it couldn't have been. and then, on top of that, there's the fact that you can change your mind or whatever but also that people do get aroused in these situations bc it is human nature (that's if they can literally get aroused which if the drinks were allegedly sooooo strong that nigga would be out so....again like even practically here it doesnt add up. have these people ever been drunk? if not, write what you know girl. cos sometimes it's like i think some of u r trying to be cool when u dont have 2 b lmao)

so yong jie coming on to him previously may be seen as like push-and-pull but here's the thing. right after it happens (the rape and it's rape so call it that you'll be okay) xing si gets up and goes home and is terrified and upset. he acts like what we have seen or even felt after a violation. he's scared, clutching his bag, it's like...you know...decently coming off as truly distressing (the actor isn't bad at all and i like that he's dark. i just massively hate this for him but hey at least he can show some chops.) like honestly man that fucking sucks and hurts to see. if we've been there we feel it. or part of it is realizing belatedly what happened. a lot of times that drop in your stomach is the worst.

but somehow for some reason, to which i cannot understand, the three of them begin to talk as if xing si pressured him? which maybe i missed something and that is possible—dont feel like going back to look—but that also made no sense. like what kind of false memory is this? why would he think he wasn't willing? and if he thought yong jie wasn't and that he pressured him how does he remember like...anything about the sex?!?!??!? besides waking up and being with him. like i guess he felt yong jie's MASSIVE DONG imprint but ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!

god then the logic of the top/bottom thing is like i said i wasnt going to get into it but it's actually really funny. this whole thing was hilarious. honestly because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. he could have totally raped him in that way but how did you get to this CONCLUSION FROM THAT??????? BY YOUR LOGIC THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS? IF HE IS THE BOTTOM AND PENETRATION IS THE ONLY FORM OF TRUE CONSUMMATION AND RAPE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, BASED ON ANATOMY, IF YOU HAVE A DICK IN UR BUTT UR A GIRL THEN HOW. DOES. THIS. MAKE. SENSE. AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

this whole stupid conversation happens so we get to the conclusion that xing si violated him ok cool but that means that something is wrong. that is the CONCLUSION WE CAME TO A SECOND AGO?

also the other rapist is a villain and muren isn't in love with him so, once again, you're breaking the rules of your own world about acceptability which is why most of this is absolutely mind bogggglinG that iit's fuckign comical. like i actually when i can stomach it start laughing or my jaw is slack because it's so insulting as a viewer because there is like 0 logical followthrough.

because whatshisface barges in, kisses him in front of his friends without permission, then says whether you were willing or not which is hm. at that point how u gonna change that around but let's not bother with logic here. i am simply here to point out how this makes no sense according to the rules they set up even outside of the basic rule of life which is hm dont rape people maybe.

so now we know xing si was raped, they believe he was raped, he himself believes he was raped, and whatshisface literally says he doesn't care even if he was willing (he wasn't) so he admits to rape. i don't believe in the police and i hate them (BL industry needs the cops but dont get me down that road) but no one...thought to go?

because according to history 4 logic nothing matters so im sure if he went to the police you could handwave the homophobia since there's no actual context for anything besides their whimsy. but they dont want to do that because they aren't interested in an arc of growth; redemption isn't possible unless he is removed from the family but again no work on thinking this through or thinking about the victim's feelings. because gay sex? who fucking knows. supposedly progressive taiwanese writers of gay shit (like how supposedly progressive the world is. as in it is not and this behavior is the norm and bl perpetuates that) can't think of transformative justice?

and then they gave bad advice so we wont acknowledge that because teng teng doing anything wrong/stupid is frequent but hurts me and also that storyline is not real so i pretend they are not there outside of this post

so all of this is just straihgt up clownery now because it's fucking absurd like logically, practically, human-wise. the kissing thing is inconsequential but it was such a lazy cheap way out lmao cos they really wanted it to seem consensual but that's not how it works. on top of that their attraction makes no sense because whatshisface is just there. he is just there. he's nothing and no one so the sentiments are even more empty and on top of that he doesnt listen to a single request fucking obviously because the basis of their relationship is fucking rape so fucking listening and respecting his partner is not on his list of fucking priorities. he's literally so fucking annoying even without being a rapist it's like someone please beat his ass.

and then after all of that you want us to feel bad? with your horrible writing, poorly misplaced music, stupid costumes (those fucking SHOES THEY ARE HIDEOUS, AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES DO NOT FIT IT'S LIKE WHY), questionable fucking editing. we're supposed to wnat them together? this sounds literally fucking crazy but bear with me lmao even with the rape they could at least have SOMETHING i mean like i cant believe im fucking saaying this. but like in addicted heroin which is fuckin tragic and awful at least there's a MODICUM of interest but honestly that show s a fucknig drag. idk they lookd good together? here we have 0. nothing. and it doesnt motivate. watching obsessed again i can see why i liked it in the beginning bc they have good chemistry but the acting and production adn like everything about it plus the rape-y vibes it's just too much. you need to pick one thing so if you're going to be a shit writer at least supplement it with something. this thing is nothing.

and even more nonsensical and what boggles my mind frankly out of all this is the mother's involvement and the father's final response. there are NO consequences? theyre all happy?

ok so lets go through this:

1. 2 boys grow up 2gether, one of the boys is fucking psycho, the mother knows but does nothing??????????????

2. one of the sons moves out so his father doesn't get a hint that's he's fucking gay. ok fine. he has 2 best friends, a job, an apt. he is fine.

3. aforementioned brother is obsessed with him for SOME REASON besides being crazy?

3.5 no one has done anything during him growing up to help him not be crazy?

4. mom says to husband who is their father also just in case we forget "im afraid he will lose his humanity"

4.5 again, do nothing. 0. just like oh man hes crazy. guess that's just our son ;)

4. who cares. plies him with alcohol purposefully to rape him. not even dubious (even though dubious is fucked and not okay or is just not. fucking real. these shows are contextless when they want to be or even movies or whatever so it's like largely not up to the task to understand complexity in human rships and then oversimplifies it constantly because that's what we do IRL. but people have fucking feelings you know and we realize when things don't feel good or right to us either very quickly after or having to process it. and once you're eyes are opened you may feel as something was fucking ripped away from you. for the modc couple this would be a very logical conclusion for the high schooler the thirty year old dated but again logic or feelings are up to their whimsy. no one cares bc everything can be counted as dubious so honestly it's a fucking stupid fucking topic like again why are we litigating what is and isnt consent when you could just like idk. read cues? consent? wait? not be a freak? like we all know what is proper human shit so even if we are watching this uncritically which u cant bc it's glaring and stupid it's just even more dumb) so it was honestly a rape plot like he literally planned it soooooooooo??!?!

5. aftermath of rape the victim is like literally fucking bereft and confused. and a rape victim. like that's what they are insinuating and what also he is to be clear.

6. boy tells him "idc if i raped u i luv u lmao"

7. mom ENCOURAGED THE BOY to get him drunk because her other son was too nice? she encouraged her adult son to rape her adult step-son (but her real son because she repeatedly says you are my son and the dad does too THEY GREW UP TOGETHER WHEN THE KID WAS IN AN IMPRESSIONABLE STATE) so THIS ALSO MAKES EVEN LESS MOTHERFUCKING SENSE

8. everyone finds out about his rape and he isnt mortified he's just concerned about himself being gay to his dad?????? except it's not really about his gayness bc now it's about his sudden love for his rapist brother? which? hm ok. understandable the dad is like wow i do not think i like this

9. dad knows all of it is fucked up, everyone does, knows the mother fucked up, knows he fucked up. doesnt like it because he is normal. so we know this is terrible? ok great so—

10. father says "i can't accept this...but i'm willing to give you my blessing" ok see here's the thing. when you write you have to think about the things you are putting on the page and what you have written previously. this quite literally made no sense how the fuck are you going to not accept them but give them your blessing? does this crew know what the fuck words are? i'm assuming they went to some sort of school to obtain jobs here bc there cannot be natural talent or experience. maybe most of them are rich. fuck i do not know but this also makes no sense. just the literal logic of it it's like fucking insane the whiplash.

10.5 apparently this father is also shitty. everyone here sucks and they are basically begging me to think xing si is a fucking idiot so i dont even want to look at him if he is an object he doesnt matter so now i want to kick him. thanks a lot you made the victim get absolutely fucking nothing

they KEEP PUSHING the brother thing it is so insane and it's liek GUYS WE GET IT WE UNDERSTAND THEYRE "RELATED" BUT NOT RELATED SO IT'S OK HE WAS "RAPED" BUT NOT RAPED but you're GOING BACK ON YOUR OWN RULES!!!!!!!!!! WE GET THAT THEY ARE BROTHERS!!! WE'RE OVER IT NOW BUT WHAT IS THIS WHEN WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SOMETHING? I AM CONFUSION? they flip flop between my son, my brother my actual brother, and cannot fucking distinguish between love for your father and love for your romantic partner? so to me what i see is that the father wants to fuck the son. that's the conclusion i am garnering now considering nothing matters and his love for his "brother" is the same as his love for his dad lmao. they couldnt even do that in a way that made sense. like damn anybody can get anything. these ppl who are doing this have to be fucking rich and/or have connections.

also this guy sounds literally like a textbook abuser like he says constantly "im the best choice" is a rapist is awful holds capital (oh hees "saving" smh ur trapping her!!!!! RETIRE!!!!) also wears terrible shoes so i am like ur alllllllllLLLLL FUCKING CRAZY ur all literally crazy and then they are trying to set rules and boundaries in their fucking house like WHY ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER EVEN? even tho oh my god they know he raped him and for some reason they are both allowing to live in the house but they dont want them to have sex??!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! i get that this is their house but this is like at this point these ppl are writing anything and now whatshisface is acting like a 2 yr old again and we are supposed to find this cute? like it makes 0 sense why do u fucking care u literally encouraged ur son to rape him so they cant have consensual sex under your nose now and have to wait four years? this is coming from the son who couldnt wait until someone was sober enough to realize hes fucking psychotic and should be killed also the fact that they act like being 20 means u have no fucking brain like this kid is in med school supposedly how do we know like hes a liar and an idiot so. also wait do they mean undergrad? how are you in med school at 20? is he a genius? girl i dont care lmao i guess i missed that but it's not like it matters so whatever

even if we ignore the stupidity of the literal acts, the grossness of the content, the absolute inability to write coherently or even remotely in a way where we would even want to see them together which is like....u set it up at the beginning so he punches "the love his life's best friend" also holy fuck im sorry remember when he punches muren because xing si got too drunk. so i'm guessing whatshisface is that good of a bartender that he makes super strong drinks and gets xing si drunk but his alcohol is magical therefore it doesn't make him sick. his alcohol is the type that gets you drunk but somehow doesnt get to your liver even though that's how we get drunk but dont ask guys he's only in med school and a bartender so i think he knows best (seriously have the main writers had a day of fun in their lives? have they ever been drunk? are they toddlers? drunk babies could probably do better tho.) i get that he was also jealous but if this kid is SOOOOOO genius (he understands social cues lmao he has the cpacity to project onto his victim so im like miss me with the not understanding shit. go to a fucking therapist like seriously did no one care abt this kid? his mother thinks he's like almost a goddamn murderer. how is she not dead? how are they all not dead? how do any of them know how to drive with this type of brain?) then he would understand that they are very clearly friends since he watched them part in a very platonic way and since he apparently knows what love is cos he thinks....he can....make someone fall in love with him bc he loves them? again, i wouldnt know hes 20 and taiwanese and im 29 and black from AMERICA so im WESTERN* so you know. different life experiences i guess XD

even if we do mental gymnastics to get it to a place where they "had sex" and he didnt rape him there's 0 ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ties to the literal story they wrote and the rules they set up. i'm going ot assume they dont know wtf theyre doing and i know for a fact we all care more about their dumb show than they do but it's actually startling how piss poor this is it's like idek what to compare it to. the continuity is awful awful awful they needed a script supervisor majorly and they are making bank and are going to make fucking bank fof this shit. and itll just continue like that until IRL material changes and that's facilitated by these very same groups they choose to profit off of and exploit by propelling it into the mainstream and litigating homosexuality through capitalism. and i'm being specific with homosexuality. i dont want a GL market like at all and i know why we wouldnt have it either and that has everything to do with the nature of BL, capitalism, coercion, and the fanbase being young girls and women. i don't think in this day and age we can safely say all the fans are straight; i'm sure a majority but many women or people on the gender spectrum and sexuality spectrum also consume it. frankly, it's possible the women who write it could be or something too. i dont rly believe any1 is str8 lmao but im just saying it's not out of the realm of possibility. but it isnt about that at all. that's why we wont see "good" female characters (like well written) often that's why we won't see trans women or kathoeys or fat people or black asians in it. a lot of it is is a choice we participate in whatever. but holy fuck dude u could at least respect the audience's fucking intelligence. i'm talking about everything i think that is encapsulated in the project but it's even more jarring and worse because it's so insanely inconsistent and poorly done. like how we jump from one conclusion to another is wild to me. even their first "night together" and he wakes up im like girl....u no ur ass felt it. this nigga broke into his house and was like "im gonna have u" like it's getting weird

just make xing si suffer offscreen not us the stupidity is staggering, mind blowing, hilarious.

how wong kar wai, a straight man from HK (or at least married to a woman), or barry jenkins, a striahgt black man, write/do stories well about people they wouldnt knw about their experiences directly is....well thinking like using their brains and like knowing all types of people? the man who co-wrote moonlight is a hOMOSEXUAL, leslie cheung was fucking gay or queer (and he committed suicide and that's important also RIP homie) both are hailed as queer cinema like WKW wanted to do something else and invested time into it, changed the way he played around with structure, moved away from his crime oriented stuff. he THOUGHT about it and this film is about their reality. it's a harsh film, idk how i feel about it (but my fav movies of his are the crime ones or the messy ones where it's clear he didnt write a script lmao fallen angels is one of my fav movies its' abt assassins kinda) but i know it means something. and he didnt like what HK had previously wasnt enough. it is not the only cinema that should be shown since it's such a stark reality and depressing but it is a real depiction so we can have all sorts of stuff. no this isnt WKW level or moonlight level but i know for a fact these people think they are doing something because artists always do i say this as one and someone who is equally as useless. you're making a statement.

i also hate the westerner component of peoples analyses. first of all dont do cultural relativism. we can critique and respect. but second of all how are we going to keep saying "dont put western ideals on this" when that is what is happening anyway because that's part and parcel for soft power and capitalism. how about taiwan's history with the KMT? what about the regimes young people fought about? aided by US imperialism which permeates through society and affects material conditions, views, democracy, identity and that goes into culture and media. hm? what about that? is that reality too fucking western for people? that we are doing the same thing again now? is that okay to talk about or is that only on your time?

then there's the argument that this is just entertainment. yea no shit but the thing is if we r gonna talk about marginalized groups and watch bc of marginalized groups and then be expected to identify then i dont see why i cant put this in context. even if it wasnt fucking serious we'd still judge it. but it's so pompous and again like i wouldnt say EYE think it's art but it is "art" in the literal sense and no self respecting artist would ever go "man this means nothing." of course im not sure if they do respect themselves so hey but u cant just go oh man it's entertainment when it literally rests on the fact that HOMOS are MARGINALIZED. it literally rests on the fact that WOMEN ARE OBJECTS. you either want progress or you dont. i dont understand being so demanding but not beign specific in the demands and not trying to use your brain. if you dont want to use your brain don't. but if you are looking , engaging, and keep making these arguments or telling ppl it doesnt matter whilst complaining about how much others care is hypocritical at best, willfully obtuse at worst. both bad. :)

(also all this + another thing; it is insulting to have this like wedding happen based off of this stupid relationship when people fought so hard and had to push it. now they can use the material conditions to their advantage but it's so ridiculous. also because there is difficulty still in getting married in taiwan i'm honestly like....the boldness of the writers...)

[podcastlimbo]

My honest honest opinion on second citadel season 3

Uhhhh... short answer? I didn’t like it much.

Okay wait before I go on to my long answer I need to say that this is all just my opinion and it’s all subjective. If you liked sc season 3 that’s awesome! I get why you do and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

But I really wasn’t a fan of where they went with it (even from episode 1), and I’m gonna go on a long rambly and repetitive rant about it.

I’m not gonna talk about the way the season ended and the setup for s4 because I haven’t fully formed my opinion about that - to form my opinion means to relisten to the season and i don’t really feel like doing that.

Anyways, these are my unfiltered 2am thoughts about the Rest Of It - maybe I’ll neaten it up later to make it more palatable but for now it’s wordy n messy and you can just. Not read it bc it’ll probably make you mad, or feel free to pick it apart and tell me I’m wrong, or unfollow me (and at least one person has already done so lmao) but like that won’t change the fact that I just wasn’t feeling s3 so uh. That said.

Long answer? I love the second citadel... at least the first two seasons

I love the world building, how the setting is such a unique, deliberate step away from eurocentric fantasy, how refreshing all that is! The Second Citadel (the place) is rich with culture and history from the brief glimpses we get of it (mostly in knight of the crown). Not to mention the monster society, with its own rules (or lack thereof) and environments and personalities.

I love the storytelling, how different mediums are woven into the way each episode is formatted. Rilla has her tape recorder, Damien his prayers, Caroline her letters, and each medium is so well suited to each character, and it truly lets us get a glimpse of what’s going on in their minds, and I find it utterly fascinating how a protagonist of one story could just as easily become an antagonist (or at least, an annoyance) in another

And the characters! Each one so compelling, with their own goals and motivations, their own intriguing backstories and potential.

Most importantly, the way these characters play off of each other is what makes second citadel amazing. Getting to see people with similar experiences but different world views clash (Caroline and Mira), people with fundamentally different beliefs reconcile and meet in the middle (rilla and arum), just, Kabert created so many interesting characters, and watching them bounce off one another is a joy.

And that’s what made season 2 so great for me. The exploration of each character, getting to see their good sides and bad, through either a medium tailored for them, or through interactions with others, as they explored a fascinating world.

The end of season 2 left me so satisfied, but still with so many questions and excitement about what was to come. I wanted to see Talfryn come into his own and step out of his brothers shadow. I wanted to see Damien, Arum and Rilla navigating their new relationship. I wanted to know more of the fate of Rilla’s parents, Damien’s past, the consequences Arum would surely face after defying the monster court. I wanted Marc to finally be recognized by his fellow knights, to watch as Caroline lead the journeymen knights, while learning to trust in others as she was beginning to do. I wanted Angelo continuing to unlearn the implicit biases that had been instilled in him as a result of his upbringing, or more details on Caroline and Quanyii’s relationship. I was also curious!! How would human and monster relations change after the events of the finale? And would we learn more of the past, when humans and monsters lived together in peace?

I was buzzing with excitement for season 3, and then.. it came, it aired, and then it went.

And I felt... meh?

Don’t get me wrong. There were moments that I liked. Some of what I hoped to see did happen (see the above paragraph lmao), getting a glimpse of the western wastes with its own culture a joy. The dynamics between Olala and some of the characters were really fun! And the direction the story took at the end was one I didn’t expect, but left me open to more.

That said,,, everything else about the season just. Didnt gel with me.

Everything I loved about second citadel pretty much wasn’t there??? Aside from Caroline, Angelo and Quanyii, all the characters they spent so much time introducing to us and fleshing out over 2 seasons were just relegated to the side??

I think my main problem with season 3 was that it felt like a completely different show. Characters introduced as part of an ensemble became side characters in (what was supposed to be) their own stories. Character arcs that got set up were dropped, and mysteries/backstories teased were forgotten. Heck, the monster court and senate wasn’t even brought up! The aftermath of the fear bugs attack ont the citadel went unexplored! It’s like nothing in the past season even happened!

And I’m sorry I gotta say this, but the problem is Olala.

I mean. Okay I don’t wanna be super mean- she’s perfectly fine as a character. We root for her, we cry when she cries, and we cheer when she wins the day.

But since all the episodes were centered around her, we didn’t get to see anyone else’s inner worlds. And like okay, yes, they did it for this season of Juno Steel too, where Juno, the previous POV a character for 2 seasons, became a part of an ensemble, and was a side character for many episodes. But this choice worked for Juno and not Second Citadel, because it was a natural progression for his story! We spent 2 seasons exploring Juno’s character, his backstory, his motivations, we saw him come to terms with his family history, grow and change as a person, and by the time he joined the Carte Blanche, we’d gotten to a point with Junos story where we’re okay to step away for a while, and see events through the lens of others.

But that just?? Doesn’t work in second citadel? Because unlike Juno, the characters introduced in s1-2 are virtually unexplored! There’s still so much about their stories we don’t know, and so many ways for them to progress.

But we didn’t get any of that! Stuff established in s1-2 barely got payoff in this season. Characters stagnated, and when previously it was amazing to watch them interact with each other? Having each episode throw different combinations of characters together and seeing how they clashed and came together? Yeah we didn’t get that, it was all the same characters bouncing off of Olala, which is fine at first, but honestly? After the first couple episodes, it got stale.

And remember how before, we would get to see the characters tell their story through a medium suited for them? Well I noticed that the format of this season was a lot moreee audio drama-y (basically a TV show but with no visuals) and while there’s nothing wrong with that, one of SC’s strengths was in using the medium in unique ways, presenting the episodes in unique formats depending on the POV character. And with the exception of a few moments, the season really lacked that!

I know there were episodes in s1-2, like caves of discord and the Janus beast which didnt follow that format, but I think it’s a fan consensus that the episodes that do (moonlit hermit, KOTC lots, lady of the lake) are favourites, because they fully embraced the advantages and limitations those framing devices offered, and were truly perfect for character exploration.

It’s like. Idk. Imagine wolf 359 s3 where the si5 were introduced, and there was like 1-2 episodes of them interacting with the rest of our cast, but then after that the rest of the season just completely focuses on Eiffel and the new characters, and everyone else just disappears n twiddles their thumbs and doesn’t even do anything during the finale. That’s what happened this season, and that’s the kinda weird vibe I’m talking about.

Since I’m already rambling, I might as well just say some more stuff. I was disappointed with the music this season. I can tell Ryan Vibert was trying to figure a way to make SC sound different from Juno, and he was getting there in s1-2! The pieces that stand out now are the soft, acoustic guitar pieces, like Rillas song, or the lone melody line of the guitar in the SC theme. I thought he was getting it with s3e1, when Marc fought the dinosaur while traditional Japanese instruments were playing!! But then for the rest of the season, it was just samey echoey ambient electric guitar, like how it is for Juno. There could’ve been so much potential to give this world its own musical identity, but in the end, that attempt was dropped (at least that’s how it come off to me), just like so many other elements introduced in s1-2!

I’ve gotten this far in my rant, and I haven’t even talked about the story. And the story is. Hmmmmm

Like. It’s completely serviceable? Kabert are good at what they do so the story is a okay I guess? But to be completely honest, the characters and story were so tied together in previous seasons, so much so that in this season, even though the plot was just fine, it stayed just that. Fine. it always felt like there was something missing because the characters were the story, and to have just. So many holes in that department meant that the story itself was fundamentally empty.

Anyways uh. All of this is to say that this all boils down to character. I had my nits to pick with other elements but the fact that Rilla, Arum, Damien, Marc and Talfryn got completely sidelined (Tal most of all) when so much of the previous seasons were spent setting them up- in favour of a completely new storyline featuring new characters and settings when there was still so! Much! Left! Unfinished! From unfulfilled arcs to dynamics left untapped, and creative potential lost, the essence of the show was watered down and it left me with the intense feeling of

:/

Idk. Season 3 felt like a completely different show. I liked s1, I loved a2, but s3 just. isnt second citadel for me. I’ll probably still listen to the next season out of loyalty, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel as passionately about the shows future as I do it’s precious seasons, especially if they continue this way.

Sorry.

[arthurflecksgirl]

Hi sweety❤️ Can I have a fic where Arthur helps x reader who's having a panick attack? him calming her down, cuddling her... thank you so much 😘

My dear friend. Thank you sooooo much for your request. I really really hope you like the result.

Summary: You`re greateful for how far you and Arthur had come in your relationship, how much progress he made to experience true happiness. But then you discover one of his journal entries. Is he still in the same dark place he was before? Just the thought of him suffering is giving you a panic attack. But Arthur is right there with you...

The dim light from the tv screen was the only light that filled the living room. Murray Franklin was talking to a well known comedian. You watched Arthur resting on the couch. He was falling asleep during the live show, even though he was looking forward to this episode all day, he was so tired, his eyes got heavy when Ellis Draine and his Jazz Orchestra started playing already.

"One day" you thought watching him breathe in and out like it was the easierest thing to do when you suffered from waht he had been through. One day he will be sitting on Murrays couch and telling his own jokes. And his idol will be proud of him like a father. Because he deserved it. He deserved the world.

Arthur seemed at peace with himself sleeping. That was new. Which made you proud of how far you two have come in your relationship. He was getting better.You felt it every morning waking up, receiving your good morning kiss from his coffee stained lips and cigarette tasting breath. He was making baby steps but looking at it now, over a year later it was a total different world he was living in. The one you created together. Ever since you met him you wanted to cure him. To support and comfort him through everyday life. To help him out of his mindset which was all that he had known since he was little.

People kept telling you that it was impossible to heal wounds like his. To heal someone that experienced his kind of trauma. That all he needed was proffessional help. But you knew that they missed out at something. Just because he needed his meds didnt mean that love wasnt the key for his cure.  You knew that there were some scars hidden inside of him, buried so deep that it would take years to get through and be able to work on that. But you also knew that being  loved was the only thing in this world that could ease Arthurs pain and make him the man he always wanted to be. He was destined to be.

And every single day  spent together was proof that he was making progress. His smile became more and more genuine. His laughing fits didnt happen as often anymore and if so they wouldnt last that long because you would hold him and help him breathe until it was over. He also told you about his journal entries and how they changed. His therapist was also seeing the changes. He was talking about how much more poetry and beautiful thoughts filled the pages.

You gently stroke his hair. Watching him sleep always felt pretty intimate to you. He was so vulnerable and unaware of his beauty. But you knew that even in his sleep he was aware of another thing- your love. Thats why he was even able to get some sleep.

You took another close look at his face. You could never get enough of him. It was risky to give him a kiss on his closed eyelids. Arthur had a very light sleep and could wake up any second but there was no way to fight the urge to do so. His eyelid fluttered under the soft touch of your bottom lip, but he didnt wake. You let your index finger travel over his dark eyebrows. They were shaped so perfectly, matching his piercing eyes and the slight circles underneath them. His body was still stressed out from work. His fragile body which was trying so hard not to break down while starving.

His stomach problems caused by his meds was another thing you had to work through. You looked at the bowl on the table. he almost finished his soup today, which was a good sign. You smiled, got up from your knees and walked to his desk to get the empty cups of coffee from the morning. It was time to make the dishes.

But the moment you grabbed the cups his journal distracted you. It was opened. You wondered about his last entries, the ones he wanted to show you because he wrote some new poems lately.

It took you a moment to think about if it was even okay to have a look at the opened page but it was already too late. One sententence was marked, the letters thicker than the rest of the written words. It caught your eye without a warning. And when you read it, your heart stopped for a second.

"I just hope my death makes more cents than my life"

Why?

Why the hell would he write something cruel like that?

The letters started to blurr through your tears. One tear was falling upon the page. Right on the word HOPE.

Shit. Now he would notice that you came near this page. You nerveausly grabbed a handkerchief and pressed it on the spot where the tear was soaking through the page. It was too late, making it look even worse.

You started to cry , throwing the handkerchief on the floor.

Why?

Yo thought he was getting better. There was so much proof.

Did he felt like his life was worthless?

Didnt make any sense?

Was he feeling like all of this wasnt making sense?

You thought you helped him.

Was it al in your mind? His proress? Him becoming a happier version of himself? Was it all a lie you told yourself?

The possibility of Arthurstill being the same tortured soul as when you met him simply broke your heart.

Why was a beautiful and gentle soul like him suffering so much? How cruel can the world be to him?

Was he still wishing he was dead? Was he still lying in bed at night, fantasizing about ending his own life?  Would he ever hurt himself again? Risking to being locked up at Arkham, so there was no chance to share a bed together? Just visits with him being handcuffed on the other side of the table? Was there still a chance he was that unhappy inside?

Tears fell like rain.

The pain inside your heart grew with every thought that crossed your mind. If life was still torture to him, why wouldnt he talk about this to you? Didnt he trusted you enough? Was he embarrassed about how he felt? Or was it simply because he didnt wanted you to get worried about his condition?

It was all too much.

You started to feel like your throath was getting tighter. Like the walls were closing in. Everything inside of you screamed. There was this nameless fear inside of your guts. Possesing you, hurting you. It was getting harder and harder to breathe.

Dizzyness overcame you with all its power. Cold sweat. All of the sudden the happiness you felt while watching him sleep was being sucked out of your body. And now all you knew was fear.  Liek it was the only emotion left in the world. Pure, naked fear in its rawest form.

A panic attack.

You had experienced this before but never this intense.

You sat down on the chair, trying not to look at the opened journal again.  It hurt so much. All of it did. Your body. Your heart. Mostly your heart. And your head. Both heavy from tears and the thought of Arthur being suicidal.

Your breathing got heavier as you started to sobb.

And then you heard Arthurs footsteps. His naked feet on the floor. You woke him up. He was finally resting and you woke him. This made you feel even worse.

"Oh my god Y/N, darling. What happened?" He noticed your tears and heavy breathing.

"Dont worry....Arhur....please....just go back to sleep okay? You need your sleep.  You`ve been working hard today...."

Arthur checked your pulse "Oh shit, your heart is racing. Did you took any medication? "

"No..."

"Did something else happen?" He checked your forehead, noticed your shaking hands. "Looks like you`re having a panic attack. I know the symptoms very well. I had so many in the past when I woke up from nightmares."

You nodded. Still sobbing like a baby. Arthur gave you one of his handkerchiefes and started to stroke your hair "Oh darling, I kow this feels terrible. But it will pass. Just try to breathe. Breathe with me okay. Remember when you helped me breathe during my laughing fits? I will do the same with you now okay?"

"Okay"

Arthur lifted you up and carried you to the couch.

"Is that okay? Is it comfortable?" you nodded. He was so caring it broke your heart. He cared so much about you, while inside he was suffering from so much pain.

He positioned himself behind you, resting both of his hands on your tummy and told you to breathe in and out like he did. Until you felt your breath becoming one with his. Just as calm and deep.

"Good" he whispered, his gentle fingers under your shirt. He knew that skin on skin contact helped calming you down.

"You`re doing great" his voice was everything you needed to hear.

"Oh Arthur....I feel like I cant breathe...."

"Shhhhhhtt.....baby I know. I know how it feels. Your body is telling you lies. You can breathe. Just do it with me."

"You felt Arthurs chest lifting up and down, his warm breath in your neck. He was everything to you. You needed him to be happy.

Arthur placed thoughtful kisses all over your neck. As soft as a butterflies wings. You tried to concentrate on the details. His long , dark eyelashes crossing the spot behind your ears. The tip of his nose tickeling you. His muffled "I love you`s".

"I`m sorry I woke you up"

"Dont be!"

"There was this sudden fear coming over me. It was like....I thought I was dying."

"I´m right here with you Y/N. Nothing bad is going to happen to you, I promise!"

You nodded. Knowing he was right. Nothing could harm you with Arthurs arms around you. You just wished it was the same the other way around. Wasnt it the same?

His journal said it wasnt.  His written words hitting you like a knife.

"Do you know what triggered this?" He asked you, while his hand was caressing your chest.

Should you tell him? He would notice the wet spot on his journal page anyway.

"Arthur I am so scared to tell you this but...I was ...oh god....I was looking at your opened diary  page. It was lying on teh table when I was getting the coffee cups and there was this sentence that caught my eyes......" you started to sobb uncontrolable.

"What page?" he asked "Please dont cry. Ohhhhhh please ...." he pulled you closer to his chest so his heartbeat was pressed against you.

"You wrote....."I just hope my death makes more cents than my life...." Arthur. This hit me so hard. I didnt knew you still felt like this. I dont know.....what to say....I`m just.......oh Arthur....." you pressed yourself against him as if your life depended on it. Arthurs white shirt was now soaked with tears.

"Ohhh nooo darling. That was my old journal. My therapist wanted to bring it back to her to proof how much progress I made since I met you!"

You loosened your embrace to look him in the eyes "W-What?"

"Yeah" he shrugged "I just marked the darkest pages to see how far we have come and stopped at this one before going to sleep."

The weight of the world was falling off your shoulders "Really?"

"Yes.....oh  Y/N I am so sorry you had to go through these emotions just because I was so stupid to leave my old journal lying on the table. "

"You are not stupid Arthur!"

"Well this time I was"

"It was my fault....I shouldnt have looked at the page in the first place".

The air was finally coming back. Your body was starting to relax again.

Arthur held you close in his arms "That was the old me. And yes sometimes I´m still having dark thoughts but its just.....echoes from the past. Its not part of our reality anymore. Its just ghosts. They`re not real. Just trying to tell me lies. So I am not listening to them . I´m listening to you. To your words of love and comfort. I`m save with you. And you are save with me. Remember?"

"I remember Arthur. I love you so much!"

"I love you more"

"Thats impossible" you smiled, kissing his upper lip.

Arthur rested his head in the crook of your neck whispering "If I`ve learned one thing from being loved, its this: Nothing`s impossible - with you in my arms".

@impulsiveclown @will-you-be-there @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @gwynplaine89 @ajokeformur-ray@damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle  @duhliriouss  @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes  @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie  @check-out-this-joker @darknessisafriend  @arthurhappyclown    @neon-umbrella-for-stella    @call-me-harley-quinn  @arthurjokersgirl

@aarthurfleckk @mylovelycrazyworld @clownalog @ajokerfangirl  @the-one-who-is-chaos @sabrinaeileensnape @raven-romanoff

[enchanted--realm]

When Calls the Heart Live Ramples

S8 ep10 Old Love, New Love, Is this True Love💕💕💕

Ohhh this episode was a goodie. First of all, Ned and Florence were so cute throughout this entire episode. Florence looked beautiful in that dress! I liked it better on her than I did on Molly. Also that first kiss between Ned and Florence was one of the best kisses to come out of this show I must say. That was a good kiss😉 I also loved Katie and thought she played her character very well. Everything surrounding her felt very natural and I really like the way the conversations evolved about her feelings concerning the marriage. I thought that plotline was very well connected and flowed well.

When Elizabeth first went to talk with Rosemary I was SHOCKED that she didnt apologize. She acknowledged her actions, yes, but then she was just like 'let's put our differences aside' instead of asking forgiveness and making up. I was very surprised. I guess it's just a slow step towards Elizabeth going back to her old self. Her and Rosemary will probably make up fully in the next episode when Elizabeth really starts to come into her true feelings. That said, I do appreciate that this tension between E and Rose extended into this episode because sometimes the plotlines in WCTH just go by too quickly or kind of fade away and are forgotten for a while before cropping up much later.

I love how both Elizabeth and Henry Gowen give advice that ultimately applies to themselves and the things they have learned and now it has opened up their hearts more and they can now see things more clearly. In Henry's case, this episode makes me think that they are gonna bring back Abigail. I don't even know what to begin thinking about that and there's so much controversy I don't think I even want to comment on it. I will just say that I loved Abigail's character and I loved the plotline between her and Henry Gowen. Ok moving on.

I really liked how we saw the gears turning in Elizabeth's head everytime she would talk with someone and give advice in this episode. You could see it right away at Ned and Florence's wedding that she already regretted sitting with Lucas and she was having major second thoughts about her relationship with him. It was very quick, but if you paid close attention to her face, you could see she was having doubts. Also, small note about that wedding scene, why the heck was Nathan sitting like that in the back row with his elbows up on the pew??? Just--why would they have him sit like that? It looked so awful and made him seem lazy and unrefined. And I didnt get the feeling that he felt uncomfortable by seeing Elizabeth sitting with Lucas so...it didnt even make sense, it was just bad. And it was also weird the way Carson had his arm around Faith. That is way too much pda for that time period.

More on Carson and Faith...I dont like them together, I never have, and I don't even want to bother talking about them anymore than I already have.

Fiona and Mike. I'm starting to really like them. I'm also starting to really like Fiona as her own character. I didn't always like her but she's really growing on me this season. I like that her progressiveness makes sense for her character and I really like the way her personality comes through in the acting. She's very natural in her delivery and Fiona feels very real and like someone with depth and layers to her. I don't know the name of the actress that plays her, but she is doing a fantastic job. I'm really loving Fiona🙌

I really liked the scene between Florence and Molly, when they were speaking by themselves. I love a good heart to heart between best friends and it felt like a good moment to have it then. I just love female friendships. Sisterhood is the best❤

Moving on to the reception I suppose. First I'll say that I love that Robert has noticed Allie and he seems to like her now. I think they are so cute together. It was so adorable the way he complimented her hair, her reaction, and then their dance. They were so cute. Ha! And then the joke that Jesse made about them getting married before Mike and Fiona! That was so funny, it was good chuckle.

I was surprised that Lucas hadn't asked Elizabeth to dance at all, but then I thought maybe it's because she was making herself distant from him in the crowd bc she doesn't want to lead him on anymore. Or the writers just didnt want to have any awkwardness in him asking her and her saying no, or them ending up dancing even if she doesnt really want to. Oh and I was also completely disgusted when Lucas brought up Allie again to Nathan at the reception and trying to manipulate Nathan into leaving E alone by bringing up his child. Ugh I hate it so much when he does that. It's not the first time he's done it. I wanted to hit him with a kitchen towel!

When Elizabeth walked up to Nathan I straight up thought she was gonna ask him to dance I was losing my mind! but then that wasnt the case. Yo, I was so shocked though I was on the edge of my seat let me tell you. Then she asked him to talk outside and I--!! What!! I could feel the relief in both E and Nathan during that talk. Oh it was like a breath of fresh air. Finally!! Team Nathan is coming in! Now after all those talks and moments of E giving advice, Elizabeth is finally able to take her own advice and take control of her life again instead being lead around by her grief and her fears. She is becoming ready to really be in a relationship with Nathan and I am so relieved it's finally happening. I was concerned about the pacing of these last few episodes bc I didnt know how they were going to write how Elizabeth comes to realize she can't live in fear, but I thought it was written in pretty well. When they spoke outside I was surprised that Nathan reached out to hold her hands. I thought that was pretty bold, but oooh she didnt pull away from him! And oh how awkward they had Lucas see them through the window. At least he sees now that Elizabeth has strong feelings for Nathan. I mean, he knows that N confessed his love for her Twice and both times she couldnt even say anything in response and just left. And now he sees that she'll allow them to hold hands, so... Lucas may actually bow out of this love triangle before Elizabeth has a chance to break up with him. That's what I suspect will happen next episode, that Elizabeth will call everything off with Lucas, but yeah he may make it easy on her and not put up a fight. It's not like Lucas has ever used the word love with Elizabeth anyway. He definitely doesnt feel as strongly for her as Nathan does, as seen through his actions and words, but that's a whole other subject that I don't have the time or energy to go into right now.

I loved Elizabeth in that dress btw I thought she looked really pretty. That dress had such a lovely design.

The preview! Yessss! More Team Nathan for the win! Things are really turning around for us you guys. I feel so good. Finally Elizabeth will be going back to normal and Nathan's game will be coming in strong! Hahahaha! I'm so excited for these next last episodes!

[excidium]

this post contains spoilers for the miraculous ladybug new york special/movie. trigger warning for abuse, so be warned of that if you keep reading.

okay so ive watched the new york special two and a half times by now, so ive finally had time to sit on and reflect what ive watched. the argument that happens between chat noir and ladybug is perfect, and is something that needed to happen for their relationship to become stronger. let me explain.

first of all, and lets get this out of the way -- ladybug had every right to be upset with chat. im not trying to devalue her feelings on the experience at all. he had made a promise to her that he would protect paris, alleviating the pressure she has on her as guardian to protect it. hes her trusted partner, and she was relying on him to keep his word. him failing to tell her that he was no longer in paris was a breach of their trust, and therefore damaged their partnership temporarily. she had every right to be upset with him, and yes. he should have (and did) apologize. it was an apology she deserved, and she was not out of line for being upset with him.

now here is where i get into why this is such a perfect arc for these two, and why this eventually was going to and needed to happen. really, it all comes down to chat’s civilian life as adrien. i think a lot of the time when discussing adrien and his flaws, the fact that he is literally abused, manipulated and consistently gaslit by his father is left out of the conversation. his abuse and lack of parental care is what causes most of his negative traits to bubble to the surface and become amplified, and thats the case here as well.

so why didnt chat just tell ladybug that there was a change of plans and that he wouldnt be able to keep his promise that he made? well, he said it himself. he was afraid of disappointing her. however, this isnt the normal “disappointment” that most people are afraid of. you need to keep in mind that adrien doesnt know how real/healthy relationships work, which is literally the main adrien conflict in this special as well. nino literally describes him as a “baby chick just emerging from his shell”, and he isnt wrong to make that comparison. hes still fairly new to the real world, and has up until now been stuck in a world entirely made up of his fathers control and creation.

now keep in mind that the only “close” relationship adrien really has is with gabriel (at this point). gabriel sets unreasonably high expectations for him, and punishes him harshly whenever he doesnt meet said expectations. for example in the episode “captain hardrock”, gabriel is disappointed with adrien’s piano playing progress, and so he prevents adrien from seeing his friends at band practice (after he had already said he could go) -- as punishment in direct consequence of his disappointment.

gabriel has also literally threatened adrien on multiple occasions by socially isolating him, as well as doing a bunch of other awful shit to him when he doesnt follow directions or live up to his expectations. that is what chat is afraid of/thinking of when he’s afraid of “disappointment”. he isnt thinking of a healthy form of it, but rather the distorted and cruel form that gabriel has shown/taught him. and so thats why hes so terrified of ladybug being disappointed in him, and is why it may seem irrational to some people.

it is irrational to think that ladybug would ever react as harshly to chat noir as gabriel does to adrien, but he doesnt know that. all hes ever known is unhealthy relationships and reactions, and so him jumping to the conclusion that she no longer wants to be partners with him after this mistake makes perfect sense.

adrien is not a bad person. impulsive? yes. bad and selfish? no. he knew he was wrong, and he knew that he deserved to be reprimanded for what he did. his reckless behavior (encouraged by plagg) nearly cost the life of an innocent hero, and he knows that. its why the entire time he was in new york, he was too busy monitoring the akuma app instead of enjoying himself. he feels bad about it. he knows ladybug has every right to be disappointed in him. he knows it was wrong, but he was so afraid to tell her the truth because of the unhealthy expectations he has in his head (set by gabriel).

he both feels guilty and also expects that ladybug will no longer want to be partners w/ him because of this mistake. so much so that he just preemptively gives up his miraculous to save her the trouble of asking for it. marinette is the guardian now, and therefore she has the power to revoke it if she ever feels he can no longer be her partner. ladybug is disappointed in him and says she no longer trusts him earlier in the special, and so he acts on what he thinks will be the consequence. this is something akin to what gabriel would do, and is why he just accepts it as is and runs away without giving it a second thought. this is his reality living with gabriel. this is the type of punishment/reaction hes used to when people are disappointed in him.

and thats why hes so surprised to hear that ladybug still wants him as a partner, because he genuinely believes that his mistake was unforgivable and justifiable in him losing his miraculous. this is how relationships have always been for him, and so why would his relationship with ladybug (when he disappoints her) be any different?

this needed to happen, because ladybug showed him that whats normal for him isnt healthy. that in healthy relationships and dynamics, disappointment doesnt automatically lead to the harshest punishment. theres room to grow, theres room for apologies. she doesnt know chats identity, and so she couldnt possibly have known that he would react the way he did to her saying she was disappointed in him (and that her trust in him was temporarily damaged). she has a healthy relationship with her parents, and so this was highly surprising and abnormal to her (as it was to a lot of people watching). when she said she was disappointed in him, she obviously didnt mean it as “i dont want to be partners with you anymore”. she meant it as “im disappointed and hurt by what you did, learn from this and be better. dont do it again”.

in order for them to become closer partners, chat needs to learn what healthy relationships are like. and ladybug needs to learn how to articulate her feelings better. before this, she didnt really tell chat how much he meant to her. that could been seen in the first scene of the special with the rose and how she was dismissive of his declaration of friendship (and how much he values it). when theyre reunited, she makes sure to tell him how much he means to her -- because she realizes that she hasnt really done that.

in that way, marinette and adrien’s arcs arent that dissimilar to chat noir and ladybug’s. adrien needs to learn to get out of his shell and experience relationships that are healthy, and marinette needs to learn how to be clearer about her feelings. adrien’s social inadequacy caused him to make a huge mistake and renounce being chat noir. marinette’s inability to express to chat how much he means to her (as well as to adrien), leads to chat feeling as though the only way to own up to his mistakes is to give up being her partner.

overall, it’s kind of really amazing that both of the character arcs for both their halves tied into each other. i dont know if im making much sense, but the conflict between the both of them was just really good and is the type of ladybug and chat noir dynamic i was hoping for. hopefully from here on out they continue to develop together as people. a lot of chat’s impulsive behavior comes from fear of consequence (as well as freedom from consequence), and so this argument kind of made him (uncomfortably) face the facts. now he has a lot to think about and reevaluate, since ladybug basically proved everything he thought he knew about the way people should react is wrong.

anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk, i hope this made sense.

[teashadephoenix]

Okay so I tried to finish this yesterday before I crashed for a nap, but I am old and weak so here it is.

Lucifer Season 5A overall thoughts!

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SPOILERS!

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-i called it. I knew if they opened with Mr Said Out Bitch it was gonna be bc he was dead-- had to be, bc Lucifer was in Hell. Didnt like being right. Thanks for heaping a bunch of character development on a great bit of comic relief just so he can be dead.

-not enough Trixie. What the fuck. Is this a Chandler Riggs situation? Can Scarlett not act or something? Give her stuff to do please.

-EIGHT EPISODES AND NO SINGING LUCIFER???? GODDAMN BLASPHEMY

-i get why people are frustrated with how Maze is written bc it seems like she never does anything but go back and forth but I mean... that's just the writing across the board for this series. Lucifer, Chloe, and Dan have all flipflopped as the seasons progress-- character growth is handled the way real people are, with relapses in bad behavior and having to reiterate lessons more than once. Unusual for television writing, which usually addresses an idea once and then fucks off it forever.

-That said, I enjoyed Maze's arc of dealing with abandonment and seeking a soul. It made sense and was in character-- Lesley played Maze like she felt utterly lost, near madness from frustration, seeking comfort the way she best knows (sex and violence) from the people she loves and not knowing what to do when it wasn't working. I hate that she's so easily manipulated but I feel like it really is bc she wants to feel normal so badly and doesnt realise that normal is relative.

-tangentially, Lilith did not play as big a part as I expected and i was sort of disappointed.

-I wonder if the ring will now be used to pass lilith's immortality to someone who needs it?

-Tom Ellis' performance as Michael was v good as I previously said, but the entire concept of him was nothing inspired. I really had high hopes for him bc I love twins and especially twins who are like the bane of each other's existence but ffs they didn't do anything with it! So he's the polar opposite of his brother, so what! He's a wicked little American hunchback who lies and schemes and plays on people's fears... why? To what end? His plan kept changing and his entire motivation seems to be "bc I'm a dick." Boring. And he dresses like a twat.

-Lucifer was not stuck in Hell for remotely a long enough time. I am an angstwhore and I wanted pining. The same fucking thing happened when they made Dean a demon on SPN-- oh no we've had a decent idea and gotten our hero up the tree, now let's do absolutely nothing with it and get him back down aqap! Fuck off. They gave us this difficult, interesting situation to work with (how can Lucifer have a relationship if he has to run Hell) and then the moment he came up for the tiniest amount of time, Hell apparently no longer needs a warden! Srsly? When only two months ago, all hell was breaking loose???? Fuck your fucking convenient handwave.

-also I am sad they dropped the hinted mental/emotional toll on Lucifer for having to return to Hell Granted the article is a year old, likely discussing ideas that were in the infancy, but I was looking forward to seeing the "alcoholic running a liquor store." Obviously once they decided they were doing Michael-playing-Lucifer and summarily realised nobody would believe Lucifer changed that much, it was easier to just come straight out and say "yea thats not him, thats the evil twin."

-Amenadiel is lovely as ever. Charming, funny, the perfect mix of earnest and awkward. DB Woodside nails him and I love him. I love his friendships with Dan and Maze, the big brother instinct he gets with Luci and Chloe. He's a big black dude whose primary role is caretaker and I am here for it.

-Nice to see happy funny Dan back after taking a bereavement sabbatical in s4. I like Kevin Alejandro's performance a lot and so I dont like when Dan's being a dickhead bc it makes me wanna smack him. Loved him reading Diablo scenes w Luci-- reminded me of s2 when they were dorking out about the Weaponizer movies. And the cemetery scene, wow. Dan realising Heaven and Hell are real and that he is in danger of damnation and how bad that scares him-- ow my heart. That having been said...

-I didnt really like characters having these massive bombshells dropped on them just bc Michael is a douche-- that's so lazy. It felt like the writers ticking off checkboxes. Okay so he tells Chloe she's a miracle. That's fine I guess-- there are stakes there. We know it's going to rock her world bc we know how much it damaged Lucifer when he found out. But then he orchestrates Dan finding out and apart from the shock factor... who cares? It matters after, but not before. There was no set-up for that punchline. We knew when Linda pushed Lucifer to "drop the metaphor" that it was going to be a biblical shock for her. We knew what a relief it was going to be for Charlotte, who thought she was losing her mind, to learn that Hell was real and she could change her fate. We knew it was a gamechanger when Chloe found out. And that's why Dan gets the fuck over it super fast, bc it doesn't matter. It was just a box to be checked. Boo.

-it was nice getting to see Tricia Helfer bc I adore that woman but i really do hope that we get to see Charlotte properly again. Take me to the silver city already i am sick of not knowing what it looks like.

-i love Linda to bits. She's funny, she's heartwarming, she's the owner of the single braincell and she and Ella occasionally share it while they watch the others try to bite their own elbows.

6/10

s4 > s2 > s5A = s1 = s3

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Charmed 2x12 Review SPOILERS!!!!!!

Okay let's do this. Sorry I skipped one but times are hectic. For entertainment I give it an 8/10. Same format. Dislikes, likes and highlights

Dislikes

1. Macy Kneeling to Abby.

Let's just get this one out the way. I can see where they might have been going with this.

They maybe are trying to move away from the ambiguous route with abby (trying to make her sympathetic with her whole patriarchy thing and her dead mom) I mean she is progressively becoming more predatory with Harry so with that in mind, this was possibly one of the "abby is really a bad person not a feminist as she is only out for her own gain and not the empowerment of all women". And I can get that maybe they were also trying to show "look Macy is willing to do the most degrading thing possible just for the chance at rebuilding that power of three/charmed bond with her sisters for the protection of the magical community".

But listen.....

We all know Abigael isnt a star feminist. We already know (although we dont exactly know) that she has some sort of plan up her sleeve to be weary of.

There has been too much attempted ambiguity and the main characters letting her get away with terrible things that the message isnt coming across.

Plus Maybe yes showing Macy being willing to do something that really probably hurt all of us (epecially those of us who are minorities) to watch, may have been to drive home the differences between her and Macy and play up Macy's love for her sisters

But like we know Macy and Abby arent similar (as much as you writers tried to play that up at first). And you know just adding more sister bonding moment and just the fact that Macy was willing to go to abby after all the previous stuff was enough to show she was desperate? Maybe just add more sister bonding moments so we can see how dedicated they are to each other?

Maybe? Just saying.

If the writers are finally going to commit to Abby being a full on villian then I guess the seen was worth cementing that she is horrible (sort of).

Here's my question though as I consider whether the scene was worth it. Who is this show for and what is it trying to show? I mean if it is for minorities and women then i can see how showing these historical and current issues (conflict of power and consideration among women where race is concerned) then I guess showing it and having that controversy makes sense. But like we live it.

As minorities we already know. I know I struggle between wanting my experience shown and also wanting to watch something where for once the minority characters arent subjected to that experience. Charmed did better at addressing controversy and women's issues in season 1. I dont care if it was "obvious" or "heavy handed" because when it is not you basically get the kneeling scene where you dont know what the point was, if it was necessary, and are left feeling hurt or bitter about it.

2. Hacy Kiss.

Listen Brenda/on, this is on my like and dislike list. I will mention what I dislike about it.

The first thing is that it was a fantasy. I mean yes I like that we get full on confirmation that Macy has romantic feelings for Harry and not just considering that she might have them, but I honestly hate the fact that they would tease us like that. Especially when Macy is at a low moment. Which I will get into.

They are kinda ruining Macy for me. Listen, at this point they havent given us enough insight into Macys feelings or thoughts to understand why she isnt pursuing Harry. We can speculate and infer based on previous seasons and some of what the writers or showrunners say on twitter, but this season itself hasnt done much in showing Macy's thought process and so it falls flat. It isnt her reluctance to let people in or not wanting to get involved with someone after Galvin since she does pursue Julian and gets serious relatively quickly. She, at least now we it is confirmed, has those feelings for Harry, but is still choosing to be with someone else inspite of those feelings. I hate that. Harry is obviously tempted by abby and is being naive with her, but he isnt pursuing her and has blocked her advances (except the kiss) so far which may change who knows, but the point is if Macy was just casually dating and enjoying Julian's company I would be like okay, still hate that she would lead someone on when she has feeling for someone else, but if its casual there is less of a chance of the other person being hurt.

I cant get behind Julian x Macy, not because of Julian (who so far is perfect and probably going to be a villian or some how connected to the villians because it is a common trope) but because of Macy. Julian x Macy isnt Healthy because Macy knows she has feelings for someone else. She is using him. That isnt to say she doesnt genuinely like or care about him, but at the end of the day she is using him. Which is crappy because Julian so far seems like a great guy and doesnt deserve being the "distraction". I mentioned this all the time but my least favorite love triangles are the ones where one person is using the other.

Healthy would be Macy and Julian being friends while she works through her feelings and then decides who she wants to be with. Not being with someone while having feelings for someone else.

Macy was shown in season 1 to be rational and could be rational to the point of compartmentalizing and coming off as cold. So maybe that is where they are drawing from, but again little effort has been made on the part of the writers to show what's going on in her brain other than that fantasy kiss. And again I am still like....okay so what does that mean in the long run you butts!!!

3. Helen's suicude

I am so iffy about how shows portray people completing suicide. Like on one hand I get that them showing her exercising free will, but suicide portrayed as a positive rather than a tragedy is just....ugh for me. I still am not sure how I feel overall about it.

Lore wise I hate that they use it to explain why Harry and jimmy couldnt kill each other, because in an interview rupert claimed Harry was immortal now because of the elder thing and the show said it in that first episode. So like are both true? So if harry tries to stab himself like Helen will he just end up back in the coffin and alive since she is immortal?

I mean we are 12 episodes in and have about 10 to go so we really should be working towards a cohesive lore and storyline not adding confusing or not well explained layers. The world building they did in the first half was a lot better which makes me wonder what they heck is going on in the writing room.

Likes

1. Parkerita

Let me explain. While I fancy Jordan x Maggie together. I'd prefer that be a slow burn and steady friendship first. Parker seems to be Maggie's first love. It makes sense that she is still grieving and holding on. While I kind of wanted to be done with Parkerita in fairness to all the season 1 romances that where tossed out, I like the nod to Phole. I felt the OG Phole relationship was not healthy, but I liked the tradgedy of it. I think if new Charmed wants to wrestle with that and do it better (although my faith in the writers is low right now) then I wouldnt be against it. I love a good tradgedy and I sat through Phole so I'll sit through this one.

2.Hacy kiss

I love that the writers finally did something to show us what is going on in Macys brain. I need more (not necessarily Harry fantasies but I wont complain if we get more of those). I do hope a real Hacy kiss is a bit different because one one hand the fact Macy wanted to kiss harry when she was feeling down says something to me about how she feels about him and that she still trusts him (but it could, If I wanted to be cynical, just be more evidence that Macy skews towards using people when she is repressing or feeling down although she didnt actually kiss him, if she had I think I would have not liked it in that particular moment given it would have felt more like using him that expressing feelings)

Highlights

1. Abby really thinks no means maybe 😒 . . .

2. Mel is a lesbian magnet and I'd be fine with her just casually dating while all this other crap is going on as long as she is happy

2. Helen

3. These horror movie vibes though!!

[aspiestvmusings]

Personal, unpopular opinion on grief [ZEP S1 EDITION]

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SENSITIVE TOPICS: GRIEF & DEATH OF LOVED ONES. DO NOT READ IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT NOT HANDLE READING ABOUT SUCH TOPICS. 

This post was inspired by ZEP (”Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist” & the Season  1 storyline...that is related to Zoey’s dad, Mitch & what’s we all knew would happen..soon/in the S1 finale. His death. And the grief..,      other characters feelings about what’s to come and (now) what’s happened. 

In this post I will discuss some of the things related to grief that the show/storyline (creator, writers) talk about, and that the cast talk about. How they talk about grief. And I will discuss some of the things related to death & grief...from my personal experience.  

But first, I'd like to start with a few important points: 

1. All humans (and all fictional characters) are different. So we all process things differently & act differently...in same/similar situations. This also applies to grief and grieving, and feelings about life & death. These characters way of dealing with grief is “valid”, and so is mine. But its just strange that only one POV seems to be represented on the show...mostly (and yes, we see it all through Zoey’s eyes, so it’s her POV that dominates) 

What would have worked better on ZEP... IMO: 

What I would have appreciated from the show is for them to show both sides more. To have characters express different views  on grief, and death. More, and longer than they did with Deb in 1x11 & Howie’s speech to Zoey in 1x12. It would’ve been more believable if not everyone was seeing it the same way...if there’s been counter-arguments. 

Like...regarding the idea that only someone, who has had the exact same experience (lost their dad/husband), would understand you/your grief. They really hammered that “truth” with Zoey/Simon grief connection. And even a bit with Zoey finding another widow, Deb, to talk to her mom...cause she herself hadn’t lost a husband of 30+ years...so she would not understand (but, really, it’s more about her inability to deal with/express her emotions, and hiding them, and needing help with understanding others emotions...which her new sperpower is supposed to help her with]. They also had the whole family deal with it all pretty similarily. 

Just have one character tell Zoey that she doesn’t need someone with the same experience to have them understand her, and support her, and help her through this. That having the same experience does not automatically mean “instant connection”. Because...every death/experience is different, and so are Zoey’s & Simon’s...so it doesn’t even make sense to me that they’d automatically connect cause both lost their fathers. Why did no one point that out to her? Why did no one ever pose a counter argument? 

And why does she/the show seem to think that no one else has the same experience and/or would understand? I mean...most adults have lost someone by the time they turn 25... so if we’d get to know the characters more, we’d probably learn all of them have lost someone (maybe not a parent, but perhaps a grandparent?) They did that...a bit..with Joan & her mom story in 1x10. But again... too little, too “late”. She would’ve really needed to hear those things...sooner. Realizing that she can connecct to others...and others can connect to her. That all it takes is someone who wants to help her...and be there for her... whether they have the same experience or not. (maybe Tobin has lost someone, and it would’ve been helpful for Zoey to connect to him/talk to him?

This made it really hard (read: impossible) to “get” their grief bond, or take it “seriously”: Because the idea that no one questioned this just seemed ..strange. Sure..Zoey definitely believes this to be true, but... for no other character to question the validity of it... just seemed... too... strange. And since I personally don’t think that one needs to have the same experience to understand other person, and be the shoulder they lean on...but that instead it just takes someone who knows you and wants to be there for you... it was difficult to buy the whole “grief bond” they were selling. 

Which is probably why I never got their “connection”. And only saw it as lust from both sides, and just her/them displacing their greif...and nothing more. So that...and the fact that as human as having feelings for someone else while youre engaged is, I DO NOT support the storyline which tries to say that just because Simon is hot it’s ok for him to have an emotional affair with Zoey while he’s engaged. That somehow the hotness factor makes it OK, cause it’s “very human”, and “grief made him do it”. Nope...I’d quote Mo here, just replacing “powers” with “grief”. Mo’s words to her “Don’t blame the powers grief. This one’s all on you.” apply here...IMO. They both need to do better!

And I also had a hard time “believing” that a brain-person like Zoey (she’s a coder,  problem-solver) would be so irrational, and even though she’s also presented as “a hot mess kind of person”, her irrationality & behaviours just seemed not something I’d expect from someone like her. I, too, see world s black & white. So this is why to me two options remain: either she is just shouting cichees & lies to others OR she is out-of-character (by choice, not cause of grief or powers). I mean... she understood issues with grief and gave great advice to Simon since ep 1...yet she herself did the opposite. She made all the mistakes he had made (not learning from him, but choosing the same wrong route, not taking her own advice: talk to someone..etc). 

For me, personally, I cannot “connect” with the characters (Clarke family...or the showrunner, whose said that his experiences/feels are represented by the characters) and their grief, even though I’ve had similar exprience (with my dad ... though it wasn’t a rare disease, but cancer). But no two people, not two different deaths are similar. And I guess I (and my family) are less emotional & more logical...when it comes to topics of life & death. Our (and especially mine) view is more like the other option Howie, the caregiver, presented to Zoey as they ate ice cream and talked about what’s to come..in the S1 finale. 

I have, in general, a hard time buying the show, because I’m just too logical and brain person, and this is still a TV show...even if it’s based on real life events. It’s still adapted, and fictional elements have been added...to fit it for screen. So... since it was hard for me to believe that in all the prior months...ever since Mitch had been diagnosed... no one had really done any of the things they all suddenly came up with... 

Like realizing there are ways to communicate with Mitch ( or...try to communicate with him)...even if he can’t really speak or move. Suddenly Zoey has an idea to create a computer programme which lets her dad type his messages. Like..she’s smart, and tech savvy...and in no way do I find it believeble that she’d not thought of this before she got her superpower...and was motivated only by hearing his thoughts. Did no doctor inform them about the details of her fathers condition? Did everone claim he is already unable to understand speech etc...with 100% certainty? Did none of them just try to talk to him...etc...without being sure he can hear/understand...still? You know...like they encourage talking to people in coma, for example. 

Like...coming to the idea of a chairlift...before Mitch actually fell..while being helped up the stairs. What did they do all the prior months? When he’d already lost the ability to walk? When he still was able to talk? For a family that is so close, I find it quite unbelievable that they never talked about...anything. Even if they touched upon this in episode 1x11 when Zoey asked Maggie why they didnt do any of the planning sooner, she claims none of them expected it to happen so fast. Like...their doctor seems OK, so how are they so uninformed? When we know that Zoeys style is to read up on all the topics she wants to know about. She would read all the research there is...so she’d know... quite a bit. 

Like them thinking that a temporary improvement means a “cure”. None of them are clueless, they’re all smart, so I don’t also buy them not knowing that this is progressive, and there is no cure, and after the person loses as many abilities as Mitch had by the time we met this family (hard to swallow,  no speech...), then they don’t have much time left. Same with these smart people not knowing that based on several observations... most people report that dying people usually become “alert/more responsive”..just before the end. So... Mitch having a good day the day before he died was a clear sign he’s about to die.

Like...if we actually analyse it, it seems as if they “stood still” for months...ever since Mitch was diagnosed. And then suddenly...”thanks” to Zoey’s superpower, they start getting ideas, and do stuff, and talk to each other... which doesnt seem to have happened...at all... during all the prior months. How? 

It just seems too much “done to fit the TV format”, and it doesn’t seem to make much sense...actually... 

MY OWN EXPERIENCES: 

I lost my first grandfather when I was a kid & he was only in his 60s (so quite young). That was an unexpeted & sudden event that no one saw coming (example: heart attack, stroke). I lost my other grandparents when I was in my 20s (they both lived a full life: 84 & 92...and were ready to go) & I lost my last grandma last year (she was almost 89...and outlived her husband by around 25 years)...after her health had been declining... for a while. And I lost my father about 3 years ago (he was in his 60s)... knowing he had max 6 months left by then. 

I will talk, a bit, about my dad, who died 3 years ago, in 2017, and my finnish grandma, who died last year...just a month before her 89th birthday. 

                              **************************************

With my dad... I had kinda lost him once before, because 5 years earlier he had a serious health issue, and his heart stopped on the operating table. But he was revived. And though he was in a coma for over a week, he did survive, and had no permanent damage. He had to go through extensive physiotherapy and learn to walk properly again, and hold a spoon again (fine motorskills), but his mind/brain/memory was unharmed. But...nonetheless, I sat beside him while he was in a coma, and I sat beside him after he had woken up... 

That health issue lead to his cancer diagnosis though...cause without it he’d never gone to see a doc on his own, and wouldn’t have known, probably. He was stage 3 when diagnosed, and though he tried all kinds of different treatment options, it progressed to stage 4 (that’s what lifetime of smoking does to your lungs!), and by 2016 he had metastasis in his spine..etc, and it was clear he had months/max a year left. It was a guesswork though how long exactly. 

But his medicine cabinet was more impressive than Mitch’s by the end. It got more serious at the end of 2016, and he basically survived with extra oxygene (help from a “ventilator”) & “morphine”. He probably would’ve kept himself alive for several more months, but he had a health issue in January 2017, and his body was just too weak (from chemo, from treatments from...) that he didn’t make it this time. And though I/we had longer than a year to “prepare”, these fictional characters also had time...

Yet, for me, personally, that death was not as hard. (in all honesty, I’d been expecting his cancer diagnosis since I was in highschool... I honestly couldn’t believe he had any lungs left...with his heavy smoking)

                               *****************************************

For me, personally, the hardest was my other grandma’s end of life.. The one who died last year. But not the death...but her last years instead. And though my first grandma (who died almost 15 years ago) had memory issues during her last years, cause she’d had 2 stokes & she kept mixing up people & events (calling people by wrong name, mixing us up), she had my grandpa by her side...til the end. But with my other grandma... whose health had been declining...step by step..over past 5-10 years, it was different. To the point that my aunt/her daughter was her guardian, cause she wasn’t capable of making her own decisions anymore... even if at times she had a clear mind. And one of those times was her last, 88th Birthday in 2018. 

She never vebalized it...never was able to say the words (though she did talk... a bit), but I could see it in her eyes/look... she wanted to go... but “modern medicine” was keeping her body alive. And for me it was hard, because I am a supporter of a persons choice to choose assisted ending, but I’m the only one in the family who really supports this. And since she never actually said the words, and since I could not be 100% sure that what I thought I “read in her eyes” was what she was actually thinking, I could not be sure. But I considered her last 1-2 years of life just torture for her. So... as sad as I was, I was relieved when I got the call a year ago, on May 26th (exactly one month before her next birthday would’ve been)...that she’d died, I was happy that she “didn’t have to suffer anymore”. We scattered her ashes one month later, in last June, on what would have been her 89th birthday.

If my mom and aunt, who were there with her during her lasts days, would have told me the day before how “perky” she seemed the day before she passed, I would’ve known that it’s about to happen. But they told me when they called after it had happened. 

Death has never been something to fear in our family. My grandparents (their story is like a fairytale, where after she was gone he had "no reason to hold onto life anymore”, so he went just 4 months later...) even prepped everything themselves. They were prepared, though Mo on the show is more prepared. They had everything chosen & organized & planned (the plot, the main details), so everything was done according to their “notes” basically. With others it’s been more general...like where (which cemetary) they wanna be buried and/or cremated. 

        Yes, there is a lot under the (and etcetera)...from dealing with subsciptions on the persons name... to the bank... to job related stuff... next to the actual “burial event”. And while a good funeral home helps you a lot... and does a lot of the work for you (transportation...etc), then there is a lot that you/the family have to do before/after all this. But still... it’s not that difficult to get it all done. I did half the work when my dad died (lots of calls, emails, visits to offices/banks...etc).. to deal with all the paperwork and more. 

I understand that I may sound like a cold person to many, but in my experience death & funerals have never been “end of the world”...like they’re often done on TV. Cause in most cases they only show death & grief in one way on TV.... as “end of the world drama”. When we need more POV’s like the other option Howie represented to Zoey. (and then the characters can choose which was is their way)

So...honestly, I have a hard time “connecting” with the ZEP season 1 grief  plot....the way it was done. Even though I can draw many parallels between Mitch(’s health) & my dad(’s health). We knew that he had not much left, but he ended up going faster & “unexpectedly” so he was gone about a month after his health took a turn to the worse...and we had known that all there was left to do was to wait... 

And yet, based on most of the online comments, reviews, etc..I’ve seen online, most find it easy to connect, and “feel the same way” and I seem to be alone in my “weirdness” and different look at the grief and greif storyline. 

AM I ALONE IN THINKING THIS WAY? (MOST LIKELY) 

Did anyone else find it hard to believe the Zoey/SImon “grief connection” they tried to establish? 

Did anyone else find it hard to believe that such a close family had just been sitting & waiting for months (ever since last year, when Mitch was diagnosed), and not done anything....until Zoey’s superpower makes them magically start taking all sorts of steps? 

Did anyone think that the focus was not enough of the family, da/daughter, and grief...and too much on the love triangle? (even if the two storylines are connected...strongly)

[oh-its-souichi]

Aw

Yo! 

Shigaraki X Reader

Another fic about Shig being a father? 

Hell ya 

... I can’t help it... Him being a dad just gives me... life.

Im sorry

Also the final chapter of Ultra Violence will be posted sometime this week and after that I will be continuing the Dabi fic Ive been working on.

Warning- I didn’t know how Nomu were made so I just guessed, FLUFF, Daughters name is Shi because its like "she" but spelled cool and Im lazy.

It was all but silent in the warehouse. 

Around him was the bothersome buzzing of the machines at work while the water that the Nomu grew in sloshed around. With the attack on the Yuuai summer camp underway they were there to check on Dabi’s Nomu’s.

The patchwork villain wouldn’t shut up about it so Shigaraki, fed up, told him to meet up with his at the warehouse so they could see how the creature was progressing.

To the left of him Kurogiri was fidgeting with a control panel while Shi played with a small nail she had found while wondering around the warehouse.

Dabi stared down at her wondering if he should take the nail away from her but shrugged and turned his attention to one of the brains floating in the sickly green water. "Hey boss are you cool with her having that?" Dabi suddenly spoke the situation irking him for some reason.

Shigaraki looked briefly down at his daughter and grunted seeing no issue. It was nice she had found something to preoccupy herself with instead of badgering him.

Shi quietly hummed a song Shigaraki had heard play at the beginning of one of the magical girl series she was obsessed with. 

Well, the one she was obsessed with right now. It seemed to change every week though. 

The only reason he was aware of the change is because sometimes he got on his computer to read the news and what not he would hear two little feet tumble into the room, the pressure of her eyes falling on him. “Daddy” she would say locking her sights beginning the silent battle.

He would try to ignore her, grumbling under his breath at her while focusing on whatever he was doing that day until he just gave up.

“Uh fine. You’re so annoying.” he would groan minutes into the stare down.

Begrudgingly he would lift her onto his lap and go to the website that illegally uploaded movies and episodes of various titles, clicking on whatever caught her interest.

Usually the shows consisted of brightly colored character who were overly enthusiastic and made his head ache. His fingers would find their way up to his throat scratching ruthlessly. 

He didn’t like having to share especially with a little girl that just walks in and demands things of him without saying a single word but he found it was easier to let her watch it for a few minutes and often times he didnt give into her, like yesterday, but on days he was to exhausred to fight he would

It was better then dealing with her silently crying, having hidden herself under a blanket in a corner somewhere and then you looking at him with the damn puppy dog eyes asking "She just wants to spend time with you T"

The two of you drove him crazy. 

But secretly he liked it. 

Shi dropped the nail in her hand to the ground and wandered up to his side standing up on her tip toes staring down into the water. “For me?” He heard her say. “Huh? he said twisting his expression underneath Father, casting his sights down to her. She shifted awkwardly under his gaze feeling the pressure. Nervously she twisted the toe of her small beat up sneakers into the cement floor. She had learned in the two years she had been alive that odd things set her father off and it was not fun to be at the receiving end of his dangerous temper. “One for me?” she repeated pointing at herself. 

Shigaraki paused letting her words sink in before a smile spread across his face. “You want a Nomu?” he asked shifting his eyes from the little girl to one of the floating brains. A lightness entered his chest and he almost felt uncomfortably elated. The feeling wasn’t entirely new he had felt it before when he saw himself on the news and heard the newscasters say his name with a adorable twang of fear in their voices. 

It made him proud.

He felt proud.  

He knelt down connecting he red eyes with her similarly colored ones. “Now what would a- How old are you?” he asked. She paused prodding her bottom lip with her pointer finger. 

“56 probably” 

“56?! Are you stupi-” 

“She’s two and a half Tomura Shigraki” Kurogiri said from the work bench himself and Dabi stood by while waiting for the machine he had been using to load the program he had to install. Shigaraki cocked his head in thought. ‘It’s been two years already. What the hell’ 

Shi had been his greatest mishap.

At 18 you were introduced into his life and he quickly became intrigued by you, obsessed with you. Eventually the two of you formed a strange relationship and he found himself spending more time alone with you in his room, knocking you up in the process.

After breaking the news to All for One he was surprised the elder man was somewhat supportive. ‘It’s a little earlier then I would have liked it to be but it’s good to secure an ere.’ 

They were not exactly the words he wanted to hear but that’s all ancient history now.

He studied her childish features seeing a lot more of himself in her face then you. She had light blue hair that was slightly wavy and bright red eyes the only real difference being she was a little bit cuter. 

“What would a two year old want with a Nomu?” he asked. Shi with a determined look on her face walked away from her father (to his confusion) making her way to Kurogiri where she interrupted the conversation he and Dabi were having to tug the newspaper he had in his hand. He released it watching her shyly walk back to Shigaraki. Clumsily unfolding the paper she pointed to a picture of All Might that was printed on it. “For Game over” she said. 

Shigaraki’s breath got caught in his throat leaving him breathless, his chest tightening harshly. Quickly his brain was overrun with images of him and his daughter releasing mass destruction upon the city hand in hand, well pinky in pinky. The effects on the public seeing a small innocent child basically murder innocent civilians would shake then to their core. The heros wouldnt even know what to do.

“Well” he said “What a promising little mistake you’re turning out to be. Kurogiri give one of these to her” he said grabbing Shi lightly by the hand, twirling her around. 

Kurogiri looked away from Dabi who raised his eyebrows unimpressed. “Are you sure that is wise?” he asked warily. Shigaraki dropped Shi’s hand raising up his arms. “What kind of father would I be to deny his own daughter’s wishes and aspirations.” he said smiling down on Shi who blushed. Dabi scoffed “Where was that attitude when you yelled at her for wanting to watch that kid show? Isnt that kinda like denying her aspirations??”

Shigaraki grew irritated “ Shut up patchwork. Kurogiri can you do it or not?” he asked glaring at the man. 

Kurogiri sighed to himself. “Yes I will set it up now” he said moving himself back to the control panel silently thinking to himself. (A peek into the mind of Kurogiri- ‘WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS ABSOLUTE HELL GOBLIN THINKI-) 

Dabi flashed Kurogiri an amused look before propping himself against one of the metal tables that sat adjacent to the Nomu’s “So Shi” he said earning a glare from Shigaraki.

Shi looked at him shyly her cheeks flushed. “Once you get this Nomu of yours how are you going to take him down?” 

She thought for a moment before smiling viciously, much like her fathers smile. “Like this!” she triumphed fiercely punching Dabi in the leg making him jump slightly in shock.  Shigaraki burst out in laughter standing up to ruffle Shi’s hair. “Very good!” he praised picking her carefully up. “Next time aim a little higher.” 

... 

Later in the evening after you had returned from shopping you expected to be berated by Shigaraki for being out to long but instead were left alone. Pleasantly surprised you retired to the bar reading one of your books when you noticed Shi and her father whispering to one another for a suspicious amount of time. You snuck a glance at them every now and then. It was very rare for him to interact with her so much. 

Breaking their secret meeting Shi wobbled over to you with a smile as bright as the sun. 

“Hi mommy” she said attempting to grapple up the stool to the right of you. “Hi Shi” you replied setting the book you had attempted to read down on the bar top. You reached your arms out to grab her and lift her up but were beat when Shigaraki picked her up with two pinkies in the air and placed her on top of the stool. You smiled at her as she situated herself, resting her head on her arms with a big yawn. Her eyes drooped and you could tell she was fighting off a powerful wave of sleep. It was a little past her bedtime. Normally Tomura was so strict about bedtime but today he didn’t seem bothered by her presence as he normally did. 

“How was today?” you asked mimicking her position feeling a finger run gently down your spine it’s owner retiring next to you, unmasking himself. Ephemerally you looked at him puzzled. “He sure is in a good mood today’ you thought becoming instantly reluctant about the situation. “Good. I got Nomu!” Shi exclaimed tiredly.

You turned your attention back to her lovingly brushing a few stray strands of hair behind her ears. “You got a Nomu?” you questioned looking to Kurogiri for some sort of explanation who only looked back at you exhausted.  ‘Great’ you thought. “Yep!” Shi said happily. “Daddy give it!” You clicked your tongue and sat up resting your eyes on your handsome boyfriend who only beamed proudly.

A chuckle slipped past your lips. “He did huh? I’m sure that is going to be very fun for the two of you especially when daddy gets to clean up whatever mess you and the Nomu make.” Shigaraki grunted at your words not liking the sound of that. 

[all-of-the-imagines-for-eve]

Forget About It ~ Sweet Pea (part 6)

A/n: Oh, you didnt expect this? Well, remember how I saw I wrote a different part 5? Well it was after the part Five I posted so I took what I already had and I changed it to fit what I established as the new part five. I really hope it fits because I desperately tried lol. Tell me what you think!

Word Count: 4586

MASTERLIST

School kept up like that all the way until Christmas. Kids messed with me less and less as Archie stepped in more and more. And then Betty, too. And then Veronica. Veronica less than the other too.

As winter came and people started chucking snowballs at me, I decided to keep my Serpent jacket at the house. Now I just let faded jeans and Sweet Pea’s jacket swallow me whole. The ends of the sleeves covered my hands, and I’d never felt so soft and warm… except when I was in his arms and not just his sleeves.

Despite my strengthening relationship with my brother, school and Serpent business kept me from seeing the other Serpents. We texted and called all the time now but I wanted to hug Sweet Pea. Kiss him....

As time passed without Sweet Pea and Christmas drew closer, I drew quieter and sadder. People just let me fade into the background. Maybe it was the cold weather but god I just missed my boyfriend.

I found myself alone a lot, things happening and time passing without me paying much attention to it. My dad had noticed my little depressional episode and had tried to help, but I was shutting him out too. Kids at school left me alone, unwilling to make me snap even if I was a traiter because it wasn’t fun to bully someone who stared at you blankly with a dead look that sent a chill into your bones and made you feel guilty for doing it.

I was thankful for that. It seemed that after the winter holidays the antagonizing might be gone altogether between the growing guilt that was surfacing as well as Betty and Archie working together to get people to back off. I was sure Cheryl would always have something to say to me but who cares about Cheryl Blossom?

I spent a lot of time in my room these days though. It might have been some of the reason as to why I didn't see Sweet Pea, honestly. I'm sure Archie would have taken me for at least a visit if I'd asked, but I didn't even think about it until I was in bed and it was late and then I'd forget about it the next day, trying to keep my head above the water as I worked on school and lived for the phone calls I had with the others I missed so much.

Speaking of my room, I wasn’t getting much sleep. As my angst grew, my sleep lessened, and I spent that time changing my room around. I stripped the bed of all the pillows and blankets and settled for one pillow and one blanket and a sheet- all from the closet in the hallway. It looked better now. Less like it used to.

I’d started to wear my old clothes but only when I couldn’t bring the energy to spend on watching clothes, and then I’d wear Sweet Pea’s jacket and it would cover the color and North Sider feel of the top I’d doned. It was a nice compromise and I didn't mind it as much as I thought.

Despite my dip in mood, it was an obvious relief to my dad and brother that I was reinstating myself in my room. They'd never said anything about the make shift bed I'd made on the floor but I knew they knew, and they had winced every time I flinched as pain from cricks and sore spots. Now, despite being tired, I wasn't in pain. I was very quiet though. They simply talked to each other, trying to loop me in and cheer me up and mostly failing.

That all changed when Christmas came.

It honestly took me by surprise. When Archie has asked me to help them make cookies, I'd had to ask for what. "It's Christmas tomorrow," Archie told me, concern on his face.

"Oh." So I'd made cookies with them, and I'd be straight lying if I didn't say it didn't cheer me up a lot. We laughed and made jokes and messed with each other and honestly, it was EXACTLY what I'd needed.

When we finished, we watched Christmas movies we'd seen a million times and then talked conspiracy theories and pointed out new things we'd seen this time around. I was feeling way better and that gap that had extended forever before was quickly closing. By some miracle, I was finding out how to balance my blood family and my Serpent family.

When nighttime came, I caught Archie's arm. "Remember when we were kids and we'd camp out in the living room together to wait for Santa? We'd try to stay up all night and always failed but then we'd wake up in the morning and be together?" His face softened at the memory and he nodded. "You wanna do that again?"

His face broke into a smile. "The couches might be a little small for me now... but definitely." I smiled too. We moved pillows and blankets - every single one we could find - into the living room. Instead of leaking on the couch. we made a mass bed in the floor with couch cushions and pillows underneath to make the floor comfortable.

We stayed up late, surprisingly, to talk about my life on the South Side. Before the lack of texts and calls that had been broken when I'd confronted them at FP's party, the only interaction with them was when Jughead had brought me my box. I told him about the clothes and how I'd collected all of them and the progression of it. I told him of sleeping (innocently; I had to enunciate that several times) with Sweet Pea and how warm he was and how happy he made me. I talked about falling for him and going on adventures with him after school sometimes and all the gossip I'd learned from Toni and my prank war with Fangs. I told him about making breakfast for Jughead and wrestling with Hotdog, who probably wasn't at the trailer anymore now that I thought about it.

"It sounds like you had a whole life there," Hw whispered after a while.

I looked at him, both of our happiness strained. "I did," I admitted.

"And they were... nice to you?" I knew he was thinking about the bullies at school and I looked away. I didn't know how to say it without hurting him but I think my silence was answer enough.

We went to sleep after that.

I woke up to my brother and dad by the tree. It seemed they had put it up and taken out the boxes of lights and bulbs but were sitting on the floor, talking. Waiting maybe?

“I just want her to be safe,” my dad mumbled tiredly.

Archie nodded. “But she's not safe dad." He paused a long time. "The kids at school... are terrible to her. Betty and I are trying but there's too many students for the school to do anything about it and honestly I don't think they would even if they could. She’s not happy... Have you heard her tell stories about the South Side? She had a whole set up there. She WAS happy, there. I just- I don't know."

It got awkward and quiet so I interrupted, pretending I was just waking up. Sitting up, I yawned loudly. They both looked over. “Morning fellas. A little early, yeah?”

My brother stood up, forcing himself to cheer up as not to ruin my mood so early. “It’s Christmas. We’ve been waiting for you to wake up to have breakfast and set the tree?” He picked up a gift from the floor and handed it to me. I rose an eyebrow, and he motioned me to open it. I did and inside was a bright green Christmas sweater. I couldn’t help but smile. It reminded me of a time when I would traipse around in cotton candy pink and bubble turquoise. It reminded me of smiling and laughter and a green snake on a black jacket. “Do you like it?” Archie asked.

Looking up at them, I saw them melt with relief at the first sign of the smile they had grown so used to seeing on me before everything went to shit. “I love it,” I whispered tenderly. I tugged Sweet Pea’s jacket off and then a faded, blank grey t-shirt off as well, leaving me in a tank top for just a moment before I pulled the sweater over my head. I sighed, settling into the festivity that had evaded me for so long until last night. “Let’s decorate.” So we did.

We spent the morning pinning lights and baubles and eating popcorn instead of putting it up. We laughed and pushed each other around and messed each other up. For just a moment, we felt like a family again. We were one again united and… and… it was amazing. For just one second.

Then the moment ended when Archie and I walked to school, my arm around his waist and his arm around my shoulders. It stopped when we walked into Riverdale High, and Archie left, and I was left alone, facing my peers in my green sweater and black jeans, hoping no one would look at me in my bright colors and see a Northsider. Or worse, see a Southsider dressed like a Northsider. A threat. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

My worries were dashed away when someone I recognized waved at me, a small smile on their lips. I nodded in return. Kevin said hi to me by name as he passed. He hadn't really recognized my return yet. Betty touched my shoulder, getting my attention so she could compliment my sweater. Not that her interaction wasn't normal but that it felt so much more casual than standing up for me against bullies that it really stuck with me. Veronica laughed at a joke I'd said quietly in class at the teacher’s expense.

I felt normal and- well, not safe and not apart of these people I couldn't stand on any other day. But not in danger, at least. And I could lie to myself, just for a second, that I was a Northsider. Naive and unaware and innocent and good. As young and small as I had been not even three months ago when I WAS one of these Northside idiots. I felt like my earlier comparison was odd. Not a hidden danger- a wolf in sheep's clothing. No, I felt a fool, denying I was surrounded by obvious danger. A sheep in wolf’s clothing, pretending just for a second.

After school, I joined in on the work at the Christmas Tree farm. One day he asked me to take the work for him because he had something to take care of so I stayed even after he left. It was a nice distraction and really good exercise. I enjoyed it.

That peaceful bliss was messed up when, that night, I found out about all of the chaos with Betty and Archie and the Black Hood. I was waiting anxiously for my dad and brother to get back home and when I saw Archie, I tackled him in a hug. “Oh my god I just heard are you okay?” I gasped, leaning back and scanning his body for any significant injuries.

He chuckled. “Acting like my mom as usual.” He smiled, and we both calmed, reveling in the moment we had just had. It was eerily like so many we had had countless times before. Back then it had been normal. Before the Black Hood. Before the Red Circle. Before the Serpents.

Archie put his hand on my back, moving out of the way. "I talked to dad on the way over here. There's constant chaos and it seems we're never gonna get a break but I thought I'd give you one last present..."

I turned to see Sweet Pea of all people standing there, Toni, Fangs, and Jughead around and behind him. I was absolutely thrilled, my eyes widening as I faced Archie. He nodded at me and then I raced to my friends, tackling Sweet Pea so hard it knocked a laugh out of him. "Hey there, Princess."

I was so overwhelmed. I ran a hand through my hair, looking back at Archie. He had followed after me but kept a respectful distance from the other Serpents. Even if he was on relatively good terms with me and Jughead, Fangs and Toni didn't much like him and Sweet Pea was negatively decided on him thus far. I pushed those thoughts away. "You guys came?" I asked, looking at the others. I pulled away from Sweets to move to them as well, hugging Fangs, Toni, then Jughead. It felt amazing to be in person with them again.

"Nice outfit," Jughead joked when I pulled away from him. I looked down. I was startled to realize how Northside I looked. My jeans were fresh, a pair I’d snagged from the drawer I hadn’t touched until this morning. The collar of my sweater covered my tattoo. I felt… like part of the garden. Where I’d felt like that black smudge when I first came back, I felt out of place around the Serpents again, too neat and put together and pristine. When had I put my hair up? I usually wore it down these days…

I swallowed, looking back at Sweet Pea. His easy expression was unfazed though and suddenly I was relaxed again. He hadn't missed my moment of anxiety and when I returned to him, he quickly whispered, "You look really good."

I whispered back, "I look like a North Sider."

He rolled his eyes. "Wherever I am. Remember?"

The promise we'd made what seemed forever came back to me and I smiled. "Yeah." The last bits of my balancing between South and North side dissipated. What had I said? A North Side Serpent? Yes. They had seen me in the house I’d grown up in, messing with my brother. In my perfect house with my perfect brother in my perfect neighborhood, where everything was pretty and purposeful and pristine. A stark difference to the Southside. I'd thought it would have thrown them off again, but it seemed to cheer them up. Seeing me happy and lively... It had been made clear. I was not half a Serpent, but I still knew where I'd come from. My friends did too. And the friends that mattered didn't care where I started or where I was now. They cared about me.

Jughead cut off the quiet moment between me and Sweet Pea, smiling softly and handing me a small gift. “Toni, Fangs, and I wanted to get you something special. Open it later.” He kissed my forehead.

"Thank you guys," I whispered softly, genuinely touched.

Jughead waved it away. There was a slight pause where he tilted his head. “You’re different today." I rose an eyebrow. "It's just good to see you doing well here. When Betty told me..." He swallowed. "I'm glad you're doing well.

The others stared at me but I shook my head. "Later," I begged them all. They instantly complied.

To distract, Sweet Pea stepped up, pulling me into him. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered. He kissed my hair and I melted into him. He moved away and then behind me, holding me in a way that I would still be able to talk to the others. I wasn’t complaining.

“We just wanted to drop by and say Merry Christmas,” Toni explained. “We’re off to… do some stuff and-”

Jughead’s hand shot out to catch hold of mine. The mood suddenly changed and I realized that there was more to this visit than a social visit. “Y/n..." His eyes were worried. I pulled away f ron Sweet Pea, getting serious. "Penny. It’s blown up. She took a video and is using it as blackmail. She has my dad doing drug runs for her-”

I moved closer to him. “Oh my gosh Jug." My face hardened in anger. No one touched my friends. My family. Especially not some bitch like Penny Peabody. "what can I do?”

He smiled, looking at the others. “Told you she would want to help.”

“Of course,” I agreed. “No Serpent stands alone.” I put my hand up, offering it to him. He grasped it, his eyes meeting mine with pride. We exchanged a nod. “Tell me everything.”

-

After it was all laid out, I went inside to confront my dad. “Hey, the Serpents dropped by.” I paused as he hummed, acknowledging me with a nod. “They were wondering if I could spend the night?” He looked up sharply and I rushed to give my reasons. “Sweet Pea will give me a ride to school in the morning, and I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ve missed them, Dad.” My eye widened in desperation, and he sighed.

He looked at me for a second. “You promise you’ll stay safe?” I nodded. “And… have a good Christmas?” I nodded a second, my face softening. He sighed again. “We have been working all day, figured we’d just head to bed anyway. Archie’s a mess…" He relaxed. "Sure.” I grinned, thanking him, and then took off to my room, ripping off my sweater and putting on a black shirt from the floor and then my Serpent jacket as it hung on the banister of my bed. I pulled my hair out, catching my reflection in the mirror. Damn. Such small changes really had such an effect on how I appeared…

Outside, everyone was waiting for me. I hopped on Sweet Pea’s bike, and we all took off toward Penny Peabody’s place with intentions to destroy. It was messy, and I’m not proud of everything that happened, but I had agreed to be here, and so I was.

After we dealt with Penny, I found myself in the bliss of Sweet Pea’s bed again, wrapped up in his arms. I turned to him. "How doesn't it bother you that I'm a North Sider?"

His hand traced my face. "Because you're not like some North Siders. You don't think you're better than us just because you have better circumstances than us. And, I mean, you're a Serpent." He shrugged as if that covered everything. And it actually did. I thought he was done but then he spoke again. “Your family is the Serpents... But you’re also a Northsider.” He paused. “You have family there too. You’re a...

"Northside Serpent?" I offered.

He smiled. "Yeah." And that was it. He brought up an even less pleasant topic. “I heard you were getting bullied.” I jerked, looking up at him. He grew sad. “It’s true then.” He shook his head, his hand running down my face.

"It's stopped," I whispered. "Archie and Betty helped."

He nodded. "Okay." He smiled a little. “You know, you looked pretty. Looking like a North Sider. Delicate. It actually sort of caught me off guard, but I don’t mind it.” He got closer as he spoke, his next sentence spoken against my lips. “Wherever you are.”

Our words were soft. "I was so scared you were going to forget about me."

He kissed me then, so hard that it knocked the breath out of me. I moaned and his fingers pressed into my skin. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you at all, let alone long enough to forget you,” he mumbled through the kisses. “Not even if I tried.” He moved over me, pausing. “I love you.”

I smiled. “I love you too."

His nose brushed against mine. “I’ve missed you. Your smell. Your lips. Your smile. Your eye. Your hair. Your voice. I’ve had a hard time sleeping. It’s too cold, and I can’t get comfortable without you…” When I met his eyes again, they were darker. I cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t know when I’ll see you again.” He looked at my lips and then the parts of my body he could see, and then back to my face. “I’m ready.”

The air in the room changed immediately. I was NOT expecting that. “Are- are you sure?” I asked.

Leaning down, he nodded. “I want you so bad it’s driving me crazy. Is… it okay with you? If we…?” I chuckled, pulling him closer. Our lips met, and I wasted no time in getting heated.

“Yes,” I answered, muffled by him. “Fuck me, please.” He shivered, his gaze zeroing in on mine a second before he dipped down, attacking my neck. By now, Tall Boy’s bruises were gone, but Sweet Pea made some of his own. He decorated me in love bites, not even trying to hold back. He ground against me, and I gasped, eyes closing.

My hands moved to tug on his shirt, pulling it up his body until he had to lean back on his ankles to take it off. I scrambled out from under him, trying to follow after him. I tugged off my shirt, throwing it into the shadows on the floor. We gazed at each other as I moved slowly to straddle his waist.

Suddenly I burst out laughing, and it startled Sweets. My forehead went to his shoulder. “What?” he asked, the humor in his voice evident as he failed to not smile along with me. I leaned back, running my hand down his face, my fingers tracing his jaw. He was so beautiful. So gentle and kind and so in love with me. How did I get so lucky?

“My dad told me to have a good Christmas,” I told him. He grinned as he realized the irony of his encouragement as we sat in our current situation, moments from crossing a boundary my dad would not approve of.

He pulled me closer. “I have a gift for you,” he told me. “I wasn’t going to give it to you because I got scared but… I have one.”

A frown came onto my face. “I didn’t get you anything.” I looked away. “I didn’t even realize Christmas was coming.” My eyebrows knitted.

Sweet Pea pressed our foreheads together. “I don’t expect you to get me a gift. You’re here- what more can I ask for?”

My smile grew. “Keep my gift for the next holiday,” I whispered. “I just want you to tonight. I want my gift to be you and me, here, now, and nothing else. No worry or stress or Black Hood or Northside. No tomorrow when I have to go back. No Penny Peabody. Please?” He didn’t even pause before nodding, leaning to put me back on the pillow. “I just want to have a good Christmas with the man I love.”

Sweet Pea beamed. “I can do that.” His lips were on my neck and my eyes closed, a sigh passing through my lips. The noise was breathy and smooth, half in pleasure and half in contentedness.

Merry Christmas indeed.

-

Christmas really boosted my spirits.

After our night together and my anxiety as he took me back to school, Sweet Pea's calls and texts came more often. We called in the morning as I walked to school, every night, at lunch. I felt myself relaxing and easing. The distance didn’t hurt so much. I started to mix the Serpent clothes with the ones I already had. I wore both and if I did it right, I could see what people meant when they said clothing choice was self expression. These clothes FIT me.

Unfortunately, my happy disposition on top of my developed confidence seemed to draw people in. Instead of tripping me or pushing me or treating me like I was a disease, people were actively trying to be apart of my life. Curious girls who thought I was super cool and flirty guys who thought I was super hot. Archie was by my side differently than before. Now we stood together, heads up and shoulders back. I didn’t walk behind him, hiding behind him. We had each other’s back.

His actions encouraged Betty to slip more into my life again. For real. Not just in passing or to defend me, but in class and walking to class and at lunch. Texting and calling, gossiping and getting advice and hanging out. Through them I grew a comfortable acquaintance with Veronica, and distantly, Josie as well.

The Bulldogs had actually had my back once or twice when a guy had gotten too in my face and insistent. Reggie had talked to me after but I told him I wasn’t interested and he backed off.

All of these connections I had though felt less genuine and more like a business agreement. With Betty, maybe, but... Where had they been those first few days? Those first few weeks? Where was Reggie when his own Bulldogs were whistling at me and calling me pet names to make me uncomfortable? Where was Josie when I was being pushed around- literally? When I was being trampled? I could only count on Betty and Archie. Veronica too. Maybe.

The Serpents always had my back. I couldn’t help but still think that. They would have my back no matter what side of Riverdale I looked or acted like. They had my back no matter who I was facing. Even before I’d been a Serpent, my own brother had abandoned me while the Serpents had my back. If they were here…

And then they were.

When the announcement sounded, I sat in the lounge, with Betty, Archie, and their friends. I heard the words ring through the halls and I froze, my heart stilling as I dared to hope.

South Side High was being shut down, and some students from there were coming here.

Could I get so lucky? To have my biggest wish come true? To have my brothers and sister here, with me, along with the love of my life? Being in these halls to be in a good school like I’ve wanted to happen for so long?

...How could this go wrong?

This was Riverdale- nothing good happened here. Especially in high school. I couldn't help but wait for a catch.

While everyone freaked out and Veronica tried to calm them all down, I stared at the wall, trying not to bring attention to myself and my complete joy.

Betty noticed me first. We both smiled- after all, Jughead would be coming too. Even in the precarious situation they were in, she couldn’t lie to me at least that some part of her was very excited.

Archie noticed me next, smile just as wide. He was glad to have Jughead back as well. And heck if I could finally have the people I'd missed so much back in my life? Hell yeah! The three of us were ECSTATIC!

Then I saw everyone else's faces. Eyes seeking me out and burning into me. I thought if the weeks of torture and my smile fell away. Nervousness nudged at me.

I called Sweet Pea that night and he confirmed that he, Toni, Fangs, and Jughead were coming to Riverdale High. Honestly, I wasn't as happy about it as I wish I could be. They'd be around again and in a better school. But the students...

My mind filled with the worst scenarios possible and I went to bed the night before uneasy.

Why couldn't I just be happy?

When had my life gotten so complicated?

-

FTL: @alexa-playafricabytoto @chipster-21 @bitchyseawitch @justanotherdaydreamersoul

Story Tags: @reblogserpent @xprblmatcprincess @black-kitten-imagines @foolsgoldxo @90skpophoe