#had a shower that i turned rly cold at one point and i think it cured me (mentally. physically i am still quite sick)

[helloidkwhatimdoing-0]

Sometimes you think maybe everything will be okay but sometimes the "im going to kill myself" thoughts come back just because you're ill BUT sometimes you take a shower and realise maybe it's not that big of a deal

[snailpebbles]

Hold You - OP81

pairing: Oscar Piastri x fem! reader

summary: Oscar is bone tired and just wants to hold you close, but still needs to clean himself up. Why not drag you into the shower with him?

tags: Oscar is so clingy, fluff, more fluff, innocent and loving shower fic that we all need

wc: 1.4k

a/n: uhh it's rly late, I wrote this instead of sleeping so it isn't proofread or coherent. lol. SEND ME ASKS OR WTV PLEASE ??

⋅˚₊‧𐙚‧₊🍊˚ 🧡୨♡୧ ⋅🔸˚₊‧꒰ა🟠໒꒱ 🍊‧₊˚

It's been a long day and all Oscar truly wants us to have you close. When he steps into your shared apartment it's like all the stressful events of the day melt off his shoulders, and he bee lines for your comfy form on the couch. You pop your head up out of your blanket cave, a bright smile on your face at the sight of your tired boyfriend sluggishly coming to you.

"Hi handsome." You greet, sitting up straight and pushing your arms out of the blanket mass to get him. He slumps forward with a groan, burying his head into your chest as his arms wiggle around your waist. A chuckle escapes your lips before they press to his brown hair.

After a moment of letting him soak up your presence, his arms tighten around you out of nowhere. Oscar feels the sudden urge to hold you and keep you there, all light blocked out so all he can focus on is you. He smiles into your shirt when you yelp from him suddenly lifting you out of the blankets, his strength making the task easy in a way that warms your face.

"Shower." He mutters into your shirt, not wanting to spend energy on properly speaking when you understand each other well enough already. Thankfully you allow this even though you've already washed and dried your hair, a process that takes far longer than you'd like but hey, you're weak for him.

He flicks the bright lights on, listening carefully as you direct him where to walk since he's still carrying you. Oscar finally sits you down on the bathroom counter, slotted between your thighs as he presses his forehead to yours. He cannot stand a moment away from you, especially not when you look so soft. It makes it difficult to think clearly, the way his shirt hangs off your shoulder and your eyes are clearly growing heavy. Regardless of your tired state you entertain him, something he will always appreciate and feel undeserving of.

You both silently undress the other, boundaries mush at this point in your relationship as the unspoken understanding extends to every instance. His hands are cold against your warm skin, giving you goosebumps. Meanwhile Oscar quietly sighs in relief at the warmth seeping back into his exhausted bones, every part of you managing to relax him. He drops his head in favor of nuzzling into your neck and you wrap your arms around his bare shoulders, tracing a mole on his left. He breathes you in, honey warm and sweet, an intangible scent that he would follow to the ends of the Earth.

Eventually you detach from one another, turning the shower to hot and reattaching while you wait on the old pipes. During this time Oscar clings once more, slim fingers tracing the stretchmarks on your thighs as you trace the ones on his back. It's clear that he knows you and your body, something he's paid more attention to than even the most important races of his left because.. well, what could possibly measure up to someone as lovely as you?

The hot water cascades over you both, relaxing Oscars tense back further as you silently appreciate the groan he gives in response. His hands don't leave your hips, instead anchoring you close like the slightest move will make you disappear. It's a reoccurring nightmare he has had but every morning you're there without fail, brushing his messy bed head into something worse while giggling into his skin about some silly noise he made while sleeping.

As he goes to wash his hair you tut in disapproval, snatching the shampoo from his hands.

"Nuh uh, lean your hand back baby." You instruct, a fond smile growing on his face as he listens to you without a fight. Why would he ever say no to you touching him, especially when you're washing his hair? You're gentle, drawing soft sighs of relief from him as you scratch at his scalp. Few things can compare to this he realizes, the level of comfort you bring him unparalleled. Gently, you wash the shampoo out while mumbling some random song you heard that morning, a common habit of yours that he's grown to love.

"You smell good."

"... We're in the shower, it smells like your shampoo."

"Yum."

Regardless of his bizarre commentary, you still chuckle and continue the process. He makes more odd comments just to hear you laugh or playfully scold him, but then again he'd do anything to hear a singular peep of your voice. Oscars sure he must have a problem or maybe you're addictive, but he knows inside that it's love. He loves you, plain and simple. Being the man he is, he doesn't understand how everyone isn't borderline obsessed with you. Then again, that's his job and he'd be a little a lot upset if someone tried to take it.

"Someone's eager."

"You smell like sweat, oil, and grease."

"You say that as if you don't find it attractive."

"... Shut up or I'll pour soap in your mouth." You mutter, face warming once more since you both know he's right. He does shut up because you will follow through on that soap threat.. he knows from experience.

The smell of your vanilla body wash fills the air as you lather it on the washcloth, gently scrubbing the layers of the day off of his pale skin. Oscar melts into your touch, struggling to even stay upright as all he wants is to have no gap between you two. If he could absorb you, he would (when he admitted that you teased him relentlessly while ignoring the fact that you want the same).

You both bask in the hot water for a little longer even after he's fully clean, pressed close together. In your mind, it's empty. The usual rush of thoughts and things to do have fled to make room for the safety he brings you. Meanwhile, Oscar is bliss, peace, happiness, the whole shebang. He could die right here and have no regrets at all. Except for not kissing you yet. He fixes that soon after with a gentle lingering one that leaves you both buzzing.

Time does have its demands, so you do eventually get out of the shower before you go full prune. He wraps a fluffy towel around and then himself, mumbling an apology for your hair which you brush aside with a soft peck on his cheek. Once you're fully clothed, aka he put on boxers and you put on underwear while stealing another one of his shirts, you curl up into each other in bed.

He holds you close like he's dreamt of all day, pressing his face into your chest with his arms locked around your waist once more. You toss a leg over him, burying your face into his hair and peppering kisses on the top of his head to hear him giggle at the ticklish sensation. It's good and it's right, the cozy feeling that overtakes him nestling into his chest right alongside his perfectly overwhelming love for all things you. There's no other way he wants to sleep; your heart beats right next to his ear, your chest rising and falling while lifting his head with the motion, not to mention the way you hold him like he's the cuddliest thing on Earth (to you, he is). An honorable mention is his face is conveniently resting on your tits. For you, the weight of his arm around your waist and the feeling of his breath brushing your collarbone is enough to reset your nerves to a low hum, something you greatly appreciate. The solidness Oscar brings to you physically is needed and heavily enjoyed, your personal weighted blanket whose constant coldness keeps you from overheating. A perfect balance only further showcasing how well you go together (or maybe you're just delusional and in love).

"g'night." he mumbles out sleepily, kissing your clothed shoulder with his last bit of energy before promptly passing out in your arms. A chuckle slips from you and you whisper an 'I love you' into his soft hair, heart fluttering when he pulls himself from the brink of sleep to yawn 'I love you too'.

[yandere-sins]

I see that ur request is open, u don't have to do mine (I just rly wanna see how this gonna turn out 🤡)

But may i request a yandere farmer x fem reader

(I'm not rly into any fandom so you can just pick any or Rhys is fine too 👀)

My jam, and you know what? I owe everyone named Alex something, so let me create this wonderful buff farmer!yandere named Alex who I don’t kill off this time, I promise. Enjoy!

I uh, did hint at my ideas for yandere farmers with Milo from Pokémon before so yeah. Let’s go over that again, shall we? I’ll give a warning for pet play for those unfamiliar.

Rated Lime

»»———————— ♡ ————————««   

It’s still early in the morning when you hear the jarring sound of the barn door opening. For a moment, you hope that all you experienced for the last few days had been a dream, but your body still aches from sleeping on the cold ground, revealing the heavy truth. You can hear the chipper, “Good morning, ladies!” as the cows start to moo in response, the unbearable smell of fecal and urine drifting towards you with the fresh air coming in from outside.

It’s time to get up, scream, do something! But you blink a few times, your swollen eyes barely opening after you cried yourself to sleep last night, and you look at the iron cuffs around your wrists. Why even trying? you ask yourself, immediately discarding the thought and pushing yourself from the floor. No, it’s too early to give up. You can’t let yourself down like this yet.

“And good morning, Sunshine.” The voice next to you makes you flinch as you look up into the chestnut eyes of your captor. He tips his cap, smiling. You’re disgusted by his presence alone, but a sweet smell comes your way. Leaning over the wooden barriers he put up as your ‘pen’, Alex holds a plate in his hands, pancakes stacking up on top of it with blueberries rolling off of them. The food is still warm, steam visibly rising from them in the colder morning air.

He looks at you expectantly when you don’t make a move, only trying to hide the saliva building in your mouth. You haven’t had a homemade breakfast in a long time, much less proper food in the last few days. There is no telling if your body can still stomach something as delicious as pancakes, but you prefer it so much more than the weird grain mix he also feeds to the cows and would shove down your throat. “Thought you might be hungry, Babe,” he smiles as he sees the desire in your eyes, his own gaze never straying from you, taking in every last flinch and move of yours.

In a way, you are like a wild animal to him, that much he told you. He restricted your movements with chains, fed you like cattle, and treated you like a dog, cooing and using the carrot and stick method to handle you. It’s disgusting, but by now, you at least feel as dirty as one. Using the fork he brought along, Alex cuts off a piece from the breakfast, eating from it first, his eyes staring into yours as he does it. Did he do it to show he didn’t poison it? Does he want to claim this plate of pancakes for himself? But why would he bring it to you in the first place if that’s the case?

Still chewing, he puts the fork down, pulling another pancake piece off the plate with his bare fingers, and holds it out to you. He was eager to lessen the distance between you and him from day one, but his dirty methods made you want to spit in his face. Stomach growling, you are at a loss of what to do. If you let him feed you like a dog, there was no way he’d keep it at that, but perhaps this was your only chance on receiving actual, human food he’d give you if you refuse him.

Your chains rattle as you scoot closer, refusing to play the captured animal and crawl on all fours. Every muscle of yours is sore and hurt from the cold, but there is no other way, the chains around your wrists and ankles keeping you down with their weight. Instead, you stretch your neck as far as possible, your back tensing up in response until your mouth is under his fingers and the piece of pancake hanging from them. But Alex doesn’t just let the food go, watching you with an excited grin as you carefully put the piece between your teeth. Only then does he let go, and you are able to claim the sweet sensation on your tongue as yours.

Eager, Alex holds out another piece, and you take it without even swallowing the first one completely. Something in you completely set out as your brain is satisfied with sugary sweet and fluffy pancakes melting in your mouth, their warmth going through your whole body. You are hooked on the rush of food, you don’t notice your tongue lapping up the syrup on his fingers with the next piece of pancake until it’s too late. But Alex notices, his lips immediately turning into a disgusting grin of self-satisfaction, and he reaches for your face, fingers curling under your chin and thumb rubbing over your cheek.

Immediately, you shy away, disgusted by his touch and disappointed in yourself that you didn’t see it coming. In the reflection of his wide-open, maniacally staring eyes, you can see how dirty and disgusting you are after living like a barn animal for days, and that is precisely how Alex sees you. An animal that he just touched for the first time. Who came to him of their own free will. To him, it is progress. To you, despair.

“Come,” he entices, luring you with more pancakes, but you feign disinterest. “Don’t be scared now. I know you like it.”

The pancakes? Yes. Him? Not at all.

“You need to eat to get big and strong, you know?”

“I’m not a baby animal,” you hiss back, putting on the meanest glare you can muster.

“You sure act like one,” Alex reminds you tauntingly, his smile unfading but his expression less amused than it had been before. “Licking at my fingers, coming to me for food. Don’t you think that’s what a good pet does? You’ve been holed up in your corner for too long. You should be more grateful for my efforts, just like the cows.”

Gnawing at your lip, your eyes fall from his to the pancake slowly growing cold. Only now do you realize he has been feeding you with these fingers of his without your knowledge if they were dirty or clean. Being a farmer, you never know where he puts them before approaching you, and you grow more disgusted for having fallen into this trap he had laid out for you.

Suddenly, for the first time, you hear him sigh. Even when he scratched his head and wondered what to do with you before, he never once had sighed. Somehow, it makes you shudder, a bad feeling spreading in your stomach as he hangs his head, shaking it.

“I’m not asking much, you know. Here’s the deal.” His eyes are ice-cold as he looks up again, and Alex roughly throws the piece of pancake to the floor right in front of you. It no longer looks appetizing, but you are more afraid of the man before you than the wasted food. “Eat it,” he orders commandingly, fitting this whole scenario he imagines you two to play in.

“Ew, no--” you want to protest, furrowing your brows when he interrupts you harshly by throwing the whole plate, including the pancakes, to the ground inside your pen. “In less than an hour, your whole fucking pen will be swarmed by ants. But I’ve got something better for you.”

Pointing to the piece of food before you, Alex repeats, “Eat it,” and this time, you don’t dare to respond. “Eat, and you can come inside with me.”

At this, your ears perk up, eyes widening. “I-Inside?” you ask, doubting that he meant what he said. “Yeah. I prepared a nice box for you in the house, warm and cozy. Clean water and a hot shower included, but I need to know that you are willing to listen to me, you understand?”

Body trembling, you sit there like a deer in the headlights. This is too good to be true, and you fear how high the price is that you’d have to pay if agreed. Listening to him can’t possibly be the only thing he’d want once you were inside, but you watch as the first few flies come over from the cows, wanting to get a piece of the delicious breakfast wasted on the ground. You’d have no peace if you stayed here - never.

Your hand reaches out but just as quickly pulls back. “What will we do inside?” you squeak, unable to control your anxious stuttering. Now that Alex’s lips curl back into a smile, you see his sinister side for the first time. He is leaning casually onto the barricade, but his whole demeanor changed into something horrifying, something that gives you the vibes of a sick and twisted person more than ever. “Don’t ask, just decide. Eat and come inside with me, or stay here between cows, piss, and shit. Maybe you can be useful for milk production?”

The pure horror of thinking about what that fate would entail makes you go weak, and in less than a few seconds, you had gobbled up the piece of pancake, stuffing it into your mouth. Immediately you feel the recoil of your body after doing something so disgusting, but you hold back from spitting it out, already having come so far. “Good girl,” he praises you in a belittling tone like you’d use for pets and children. Opening up your pen by unlocking the many locks he had put on for safety, Alex doesn’t mind the food on the ground, neither slipping on it and breaking his neck like you hoped for, nor having shards of the plate go through his boots.

“Give me your hand,” he asks, holding his own out until you slowly lift yours into his. The chains are way too heavy, but the fear keeps you working even though your wrists are open wounds from the chafing cuffs. “Good,” he keeps praising, repeating the progress for your other hand. “You’re learning so quickly, look at you. Attagirl!”

You don’t dare to rub your bleeding wrists as they are finally free, but a giant boulder falls from your heart as you feel relief set in. “Damn, you do need a good bath, though,” Alex mutters as he sits down beside you, proceeding to uncuff your ankles. You feel a sense of shame, not being able to smell yourself anymore but not wanting to imagine it either.

Finally, you are free of all restrains, but before you can try doing anything funny, Alex picks you up in his arms, his broad chest in front of your face and the smell of aftershave and sweat filling your nose. You didn’t know that was how he smelled. After all, he brought you here unconscious, and when you woke up, you were already in this shitty pen, cuffed and gagged for the first two days.

“Feeling good?” he asks you as he notices how quiet you’ve gotten, not much left of your spiteful self that would scream and curse at him before. You nod slowly, not looking up. Looking at him from close-up might cause you to puke after all, and you’ve worked too hard to get to this point. Alex gives you a rough, scolding shake, and you instinctively grip onto his shirt. “Tell me.”

“Yes...” you mumble, hoping that will be enough to satisfy him, and Alex gives you another sigh before shrugging lightly and adjusting you in his arms. “That’s something we can work on,” he promises you for another time, and you keep your head low as he carries you outside.

It’s been way too long that you saw the morning dew on the grass, fog covering the fields in the distance, and the sun only starting to fully rise above you. It makes you look up in awe, unknowingly being observed by a curious pair of eyes from above. Being outside again almost makes the trouble worth it, and you are able to find happiness in this small victory.

But you have yet to grasp the consequences of your decision. Even if it looked great in the image you had in your mind, you aren’t aware of the state of the house inside, what was waiting for you behind the pretty facade of a farmer’s home. The demands he has of you that Alex had yet to reveal and how eager he was to train his adorable little darling. Make you just as dependant and obsessed with him as his animals were, while you’d share their place at the end of the bed for a long time.

And you didn’t even know about the collar yet.

»»———————— ♡ ————————««  

A/N: Oh god, I haven’t written anything in the present tense for a loooong time. I hope it was readable! Sorry in advance if I messed up occasionally, I tried to get everything sorted out properly... >_< Still, a very enjoyable write and I hope the read as well!

[parkers-gal]

Reader meet Tom during a Meet and greet for the first time. She’s European (like Belgian perhaps. You can choose that) and she catches his attention. They start as close friends and whenever she gets to London, they meet up. After a while they start a relationship (can be long distance) and they just adore eachother a lot.

a good story

wc | 3k (SORRY i rly went off)

i chose france because i heard they have a bit more diversity...? i hope that makes it a bit more universal :) plsss i didn't proofread — hope u like it ! <3

—

You try to wipe the sweat off your hand for the fifth time in the last two minutes. Your pulse picks up while the line moves up again. You’ve been waiting for about an hour and a half, but you really don’t mind. Not when that mop of curls and pile of muscles is so close. Besides, you get to fangirl with the rest of the fans in line around you.

You’d been in deep conversation with a girl and her girlfriend for a good while until one of them went off to get coffee and the other asked to use the bathroom. The security guard assured them that they’d return to their exact position in line, ensuring they wouldn’t have to wait all over again. You missed them, though, because they weren’t back within seven minutes so you preoccupied yourself with the lanyard around your neck with your VIP Access pass attached to the end.

You play with the strings of the Spider-man hoodie; it’s the midtown hoodie that Peter Parker wears in the first movie. You wore it to be cute — and it is, especially with these jeans — but now you’re afraid you might die of heat exhaustion. As the security guards usher yet another fan through the curtains, your feet move forward a couple of feet until the movement stops and you’re stuck waiting again.

The girl and her girlfriend return not a minute later, one of them offering you a bite of their croissants from Starbucks. You ponder the offer before politely declining; you don’t want your breath to smell, or something to get stuck in your teeth. You know you’re overthinking this entire situation, but you can’t help but be nervous when you’re about to meet the one person you’ve spent so much of your time gawking over — and through a screen, at that. It’s pathetic, you admit, but you can’t help it. There’s just something about him.

Another fan goes through the curtains and suddenly you’re less than five turns away from meeting the beloved Brit. You can’t help but feel a little more connected to him, knowing that you’d flown all the way from Paris, France for this London Meet-and-Greet. It’s a wonder how you got your schedule to work so well.

You move forward another spot, tapping your index and middle fingers on your hip while tracing the lines of the tiled floor. You try to distract yourself — counting every prime number you can think of, naming all the superheroes in the Marvel Franchise — until you’re one spot away from going through the black curtains.

“You’ll be in in less than three minutes,” the girl smiles while informing you of the estimated time frame. You thank her, taking note of the tag attached to her uniform.

You take a deep breath, shaking away all nerves and last jitters before wiping your hands one last fateful time. And then all at once, the curtain opens and allows you to step through and into the room where a young actor awaits your arrival. It’s so surreal that you have to watch your feet to ensure they don’t trip and cause you to stumble.

“Hello, love. How’re you?”

Your breath hitches and when he finally takes a good look at you, his breath does too. Your eyes lock for a beat, the two of you lost in a trance before you finally spit out a response.

“I’m… really good. How’re you?”

He smiles, eyes crinkling and face lifting up. “I’m great, thank you.”

You nod, the tip of your tongue playing with your front tooth. You shake out of it, though, setting your bag and your lanyard down on the provided table before stepping a little closer to him.

“Ah, the Midtown hoodie,” He points out, holding your wrists out so he can examine the sweatshirt himself.

“Yeah,” you smile bashfully. “It’s… stylish.”

He laughs wholeheartedly, something that eats away at your shell and causes you to join his chuckling.

“What’s your name, darling?”

You bite your lip, inhaling sharply at the term of endearment. “Y/N.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Tom,” he offers a hand, something that makes your face scrunch up with a laugh.

“Can we hug instead?”

“Please?” He insists, realizing how embarrassing his last move was. The two of you embrace strongly, and you inhale the scent of Tom Holland while you can.

When you separate, you grow a little more courage, and pick up the conversation. “I loved you in The Impossibly. Obviously in the Spider-man movies, too, but your other movies are really good, too.”

“Thank you, love. That means a lot,” he scratches his neck with a sheepish smile, a blush rising from his neck and onto his cheeks. He smiles, an action you mirror. “Is this your first Meet-and-Greet?”

You nod, “Yeah, I’m a bit nervous.”

He nods in understanding. “Are you from England?”

You shake your head, “I’m currently living in Paris.”

“Ah, the country of romance,” He looks as if he’s thinking of what to say next — as if he shouldn’t say it. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-one,” You smile again, and the glint in Tom’s eye changes just a shade, as if he’s just unlocked a new level. He looks excited for a different reason now.

“How long are you staying in England?”

“Till the end of the week,” You can’t help but feel giddy because it’s only Monday, which means you have until Saturday night to explore the great country of Britain, home to Tom Holland and Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Cumberbatch and basically every celebrity you’ve ever been a fan of. You can’t anticipate what Tom’s to say next, because you don’t want to turn your experience into a Wattpad story, but you hope he’s about to offer something in relation to sightseeing.

“Would you want to… could I show you around? Show you all the best places?” He looks shyer than you, almost, and you swallow your heart so you can answer calmly.

“You’d do that?’

“Of course,” He smiles softly. “You look like a lot of fun.”

You’re taken aback at the compliment, and you stumble out a reply as best you can. The two of you are reminded to take the picture so the line can move forward again, and you will yourself not to frown at the coming end of your encounter with the famous Brit.

“Could we do this?” You show him a picture from your phone and he nods excitedly.

The two of you link hands, standing close together while you smile into the camera. Your encounter comes to an end, and though you’re disappointed, Tom asks for your number, giving you his phone for the occasion. You’re giddy as you wave goodbye, leaving the tent with your picture and his lingering energy.

A day passes, giving you time to recover from your celebrity-interaction and time to get settled into your comforting hotel room on the seventh floor. You’re a bit wary that Tom won’t ever text you, and seeing as you don’t have his number, you realize you have to wait it out. You don’t want to risk waiting for the entirety of your stay here, though, so you grow worried. But alas, Tom texts late on Tuesday night, apologizing for the radio silence that came when he had to finish up the Meet-and-Greet event. You’re relieved, to say the least.

He exchanges details, telling you to meet him at a corner cafe at ten in the morning tomorrow. You comply, promising to get a good night’s rest before saying your goodnights and sleeping the hours away. You’re promptly awoke but your eight-thirty alarm. With a groan, you get up to shower, and the cold water wakes you right up.

An hour later and you’re ready for some quality, top-notch sightseeing. You grab what you need, locking your hotel room door before going down the elevator with a sweet elderly couple. You follow the map on your phone until you arrive at a small shop on the corner, just as Tom had said. You pull the door open, the smell of coffee beans entering your airways. You exhale the familiarity of it all, smiling to yourself before searching the shop. You spot Tom in a corner booth, and as you make your way over, he sets his phone face-down on the table with a smile, waving at you. You take a seat across from him.

“This place is cute.”

“Right? Best tea in London.”

Your stomach grumbles, loud enough for the both of you to hear and then share a laugh about. “I suppose I should eat breakfast.”

“I suppose I should join you,” he replies in the same tone, the two of you sharing tender smiles before someone comes over to take your order.

The conversation picks up and all tension and awkwardness wafts away in the air, leaving you in Tom’s comfortable aura. You talk until the check is paid, and as you step out on the crisp air of the city’s streets, you turn to Tom for the agenda.

The day goes on like that. The two of you go all around the city, visiting The British Museum, the Tower Bridge, Big Ben the clock tower, the Buckingham Palace, the Portobello Road Market, the National Gallery, and even the London eye. Tom knows everything like the back of his hand, and the ancient city makes you feel so significant. Your last stop is Cambridge University, something you’ve always wanted to see in person.

Tom’s been taking your picture all day. On polaroids, your iPhones, and even some of the tourist-profiting workers who beg for sales. He claims it’s so you can start scrapbooking, a conversation the two of you had covered during your many word exchanges.

The two of you have been all over the city since the end of breakfast at almost eleven o’clock. Now, it’s almost eight o’clock and you’re hungry as fuck. After some debate, the two of you decide to take a big red bus back to your hotel for some room service or hotel-restaurant food.

Tom sits in the seat beside you on the bus, the two of you up top and enjoying the city. You get lost in conversation again, the two of you going through today’s latest pictures and video-memories. You end up goofing off, so much so that you almost miss your stop.

The two of you stumble to the entrance of your hotel. Tom smiles, grabbing the door for you. You reply with a sheepish “thank you,” before waving hello to the front desk women.

“Do you want room service or do you want to dine in the restaurant?”

“Would you mind if I joined you for room service?”

You shake your head with a gentle smile, the two of you racing to the elevators. After hitting your floor number, the elevator goes up and the two of you talk again and again. Tom excuses himself to the bathroom when you get into your room; it gives you the opportunity to change out of your clothes and into a pair of sweats and a loose tank. Tom comes out ready for room service but is grown flustered at the sight of a different outfit on you.

“Getting comfortable?”

“Duh,” you lean back on the queen sized bed, back hitting the headboard. “Stay for a movie?”

He smiles, “Hand me the menu.”

He ends up staying until ten o’clock. You promise to go clubbing with him, for a full London experience, and the two of you schedule to do just that on Friday night. You book the entirety of Thursday to finish your sightseeing with him, and before you know it, you’re spending every day in London with Tom.

On your last day, Saturday, you eat breakfast with him at that first fateful cafe. He tells you he can’t take you to the airport — he’d probably get mobbed by fans — and you understand, promising to call him once you land. He promises to come with you to France one day, so the roles can reverse.

You finish your final cup of coffee just as Tom finishes his tea. He smiles sadly, one you mirror.

“I’ll see you soon, you know. And you can still drop me off at the airport.”

“I know,” he smiles sheepishly, hand reaching across the table for yours. “But I’ll miss sightseeing with you. I forget how amazing my own country is, sometimes.”

“Well,” you smile, “I’ll be back, so don’t worry too much, Tom. It’s not like I’m going across the world.”

“Yeah,” He chuckles, “And besides, I can come see you sometime.”

“Absolutely.”

“It’s just so weird to have friends in France and shit,” He chuckles, running a hand through his hair. “Like you live there and I can just go and visit you whenever.”

“I’m still a call away.”

“And thank god for that.”

You exhale after a beat of silence. “This is so fucking crazy.”

“What?”

“This. You, us hanging out. Just four days ago I was paying to see you, and now I’m having breakfast with you for the third time?”

“I promise, I’ll refund that Meet-and-Greet money.”

“Why?” You look at him quizzically and he bites his bottom lip.

“Well we’re friends, so you don’t really need to waste that money and I can get it back so-”

“Don’t,” you look up at him. “It makes for a good story.”

He nods, and after the two of you pay the check, you’re standing from the booth of the quaint little shop one final time, making your way to your door and settling in the passenger seat of Tom’s car. With your luggage in the backseat, he drives all the way to the airport, the loud sound of plane engines filling your ears. He drops you off at the terminal with a hug and a watery smile.

“See you soon!” He waves until you’re out of sight and the security guard is threatening to give him a ticket.

Half a year goes by, with quick three-day weekend trips back and forth, to London and to France even. You’ve seen Tom a total of seven times in the past six months, and you’ve grown closer than ever.

About a month goes by after your last trip, until your boss is telling you that you’re getting a week off for the upcoming paid break. You’ve already confirmed your flight and hotel plans to London, wanting to surprise Tom.

You decide to do it the night before you’re due on the airplane to the country of Brits.

You can’t help but grin at your phone, eventually laying down to sleep while you can before your early morning flight. Tom’s on your mind, in your future, and in your dreams. The last month of FaceTimes and text messages have been amazing, but unbearable because you miss his presence. The extreme amounts of flirting, however, have definitely picked up over text. Your week long trip to London marks the eighth time you’ve seen Tom since that first fateful Meet-and-Greet. You can’t help but feel like the dynamic is changing a bit, though. The two of you have upped the levels a bit, and now you’re more cuddly, more flirty, and definitely more interested.

When you land, you text Tom but frown when the usual immediate response doesn’t come. Moving past a crowd of waiting people, you head to baggage claim to get your luggage. After excruciatingly lifting it off of the conveyor belt, it lands with a thud on the ground and you start wheeling it towards the exit.

The building is extremely less crowded thanks to your early flight booking. When you look up, you see that familiar head of precious brown locks, and you squeal. Tom never leaves the car when picking you up or dropping you off at the airport, for fear of paparazzi and fans catching him. But this time, he’s out and in the building to come get you.

Abandoning your luggage, you drop your carry-on on the floor as you run over to him as fast as you can. He can sense you’re about to jump into his embrace, so he prepares for the bone-crushing hug.

Your arms go around his neck while his hands settle on your waist. He smiles, chin settled in the crook of your neck while he inhales the scent of you.

“Tommy, oh my god. I missed you so much.”

When you pull apart, you’re each a jumbled mess of excitement and tears, so much so that when Tom’s hands grip your face to pull you in to a passionate kiss, you’re immediately calmed. Though you’ve never kissed before, it feels so right.

Your lips chase after his, deepening it as your hands go to his hair and his to the small of your back. When you separate, your foreheads lean against each other while you pant.

“That’s new.”

“Sorry, I should’ve asked.”

You chuckle, “I would’ve said yes.”

He interlocks your fingers, smiling. “I missed you.”

“I missed you more.”

Suddenly, he’s reminded of the fact that the two of you are in public, and when he looks up, he sees a group of girls holding their phones up and capturing the moment he’s just shared with you. Quickly, he pulls you into his chest protectively, hiding your face in your neck.

“We need to hide or else they’re gonna know it’s m-”

“Don’t,” you settle him. “It makes for a good story.”

[wizardimagines]

Hi!!! I’ve never requested anything before kinda nervous >_< can you please write one with the prompts 29 45 and 40 please where you’re a slytherin and dating someone (Cedric?) and Draco isn’t too happy about it and can it have a happy ending please (with Draco)!!! Ps I love your writing I’ve been binging them you’re such an amazing writer it blows my mind whenever you post I literally drop everything I’m doing so I can read it! Thank you have a good day hope you’re staying safe

pairing: draco malfoy x reader word count: 2,2k summary: draco isn’t too happy about you getting close to someone else who isn’t him. a/n: this is so sweet oh my,, thank u so so much , i rly rly appreciate it <3 this was such a  good request and i loved writing it. i’m so happy u like my writing, i hope this satisfies u and is what u hoped for !! enjoy <3 prompts:

29. are you jealous? 40. can i kiss you now?  45. we’re not just friends and you know it

---------

Draco watched from afar as the dark-haired boy placed his hand on your inner thigh. He couldn’t help but stare at the two of you, watching you blush as the other boy touched you. Your laugh could be heard all the way from where Draco was sitting, making him tense up.

The platinum blond boy had noticed how Cedric Diggory, the captain of the Hufflepuff quidditch team, had taken a liking to you. It was obvious, everyone could see it. It was also very obvious that you had taken a liking to Cedric as well, at least Draco thought. He would stare at you as Cedric would carry your books to class, when he’d make you giggle, and especially when Diggory would touch you. He would grab your hands as he was speaking to you, innocently put his hands on your thighs or swing his arms over your shoulders as you walked down the halls. Draco noticed all of it.

But whenever he would ask you about it, you would deny it. He had on multiple occasions tried to get it out of you, asking if you two were dating yet, but you just kept on denying it. Draco didn’t know why, but it made him happy knowing you weren’t actually dating him. That meant he still had a chance.

Now, Draco couldn’t explain how he felt towards you. He clearly wasn’t the type to fall in love, that’s why he got so scared when he started getting butterflies every time he spotted you. You two had been friends for a long time, yet the jealousy didn’t set in until you started hanging around Diggory. He could’ve sworn there was something between you two before you met Cedric, but he didn’t actually acknowledge it until it was too late. It was a feeling he couldn’t explain and for that reason, he just ignored it and tried his best not to think about it.

But it was so hard to ignore the feeling that was slowly creeping up on him when you were right there, right in front of him. He could feel his blood boil as Cedric made you laugh, his hand still placed on your inner thigh. Yet there was absolutely nothing he could do about it besides just sit there and stare at the two of you. ‘’Why does she hang around that filthy Hufflepuff?’’ Draco scoffed, not taking his eyes off you; a disgusted look plastered on his face. ‘’Mate,’’ Blaise let out as he furrowed his eyebrows. ‘’You’re staring at them.’’ He continued.  Draco just let out another scoff before he looked over at his friend who was sitting next to him. ‘’She could do so much better.’’ He muttered, ignoring the statement Blaise had made a few seconds earlier. ‘’Maybe you should just be happy for her,’’ Blaise exclaimed, looking your way. ‘’Happy? That a Hufflepuff got my best friend wrapped around his finger?’’ Draco snorted, raising one of his eyebrows. ‘’What, are you jealous?’’

The words made Draco go stiff as he clenched his fists. He would never ever admit to anyone, not to Blaise, especially not you, that he was in fact jealous. He just couldn't understand why he felt such envy when he saw you two. ‘’Why on earth would I get jealous?’’ He snapped, staring at the boy next to him. Blaise threw his hands in the air, raising his eyebrows as he opened his mouth to speak. ‘’Calm down Malfoy, it was just a joke,’’ He defended himself. Draco rolled his eyes before he turned around, looking your way once again. ‘’It’s stupid.’’ He snarled as he watched you lean in to hug the taller boy.

‘’Well looks like she’s coming your way,’’ Blaise muttered behind the boy, standing up from the grass. ‘’I’m gonna head inside.’’ Before Draco even had the chance to say another word to this friend, he was already gone. And there you were, now standing right in front of him with a smile on your lips. ‘’Hi Draco,’’ You had a big smile on your lips, your cheeks red from the cold; or from all the compliments Cedric just had showered you in, Draco couldn’t really tell. You quickly bent down to give the boy a hug, wrapping your arms around his neck. Draco smirked as he pulled you onto his lap, making you squeak as you fell onto him. ‘’Hello there,’’ He gave you a smug smile as he placed his hands on your hips. He discreetly looked around, hoping Cedric would spot you sitting in his lap.

You laughed as you climbed out of his grip, sitting down next to him instead. Draco's eye followed you carefully as you moved, wishing you never had to leave his grip. ‘’So, tell me,’’ You continued as you made an attempt to fix your skirt. ‘’Are you going to the party tonight?’’ You asked, your eyes meeting his. Draco furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. ‘’Party? What party?’’ He asked as he tilted his head. ‘’The Hufflepuff party!’’ You exclaimed.

Draco let out a scoff. Of course, it was a Hufflepuff party. ‘’Cedric told me to invite you as well.’’ Dracos heart dropped as the words left your mouth, making him cackle. ‘’I’m good.’’ He muttered as he stood up. Your gaze followed his figure, standing up as well. ‘’C’mon Draco!’’ You moaned, making the boy roll his eyes as he started to walk away. You stared at him for a moment before running after him. ‘’Don’t be silly,’’ You complained as you grabbed his hand, making him stop dead in his tracks. The feeling of your soft hand in his rough one made his heart skip a beat. He turned around, now facing you once again. You looked up at him through your eyelashes, placing your hands on his chest.

You hadn’t been this close to Draco in a very long time. You could practically feel his breath on your face at this point. ‘’For me?’’ You asked, not breaking eye contact. He looked at you for a few moments, trying to read the expression on your face. After a while he let out a sigh, looking up as he broke the eye contact. ‘’Fine.’’ He scoffed. A small smile formed on your face as you wrapped your arms around his waist, breaking the distance between you two as you pulled yourself closer to his body. ‘’Trust me, it’s going to be so much fun,’’ You mumbled against his chest. He didn’t hug you back, he hated showing affection; especially in public. You were the only exception. But right now, he just couldn’t get the thought of you and Cedric out of his head. ‘’Bring a friend, maybe Pansy?’’ You suggested as you pulled away, winking at him.

Draco wanted nothing more than to tell you that he didn’t want to bring Pansy, or any other girl, he just wanted to bring you. He wanted to give you his full attention, he wanted you to know he couldn’t care less about other girls. But he couldn’t do that, and he knew he couldn’t. ‘’I’ll ask if she wants to come.’’ He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.  You smiled at him, nodding your head eagerly. ‘’I’ll see you tonight Malfoy!’’ You let out, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before you walked off, just like you always did. And Draco loved it every time.

And he did bring Pansy that night. He knew about the girl's big crush on him, it was hard not to notice it. She would constantly follow him around, talking to him every chance she got and constantly give him compliments. At first, Draco didn’t mind. It was actually rather nice having someone being so obsessed with him, it made him feel more confident. But as time passed, it just got annoying, not just to Draco; but to everyone. So he knew she wouldn’t say no when he asked if she wanted to come with him. Sure, it was kind of rude taking her when he, in reality, despised her. But Draco couldn’t care less at this point, he just wanted to get a reaction out of you.

The Hufflepuff common room was already filled with students, even though the party had just started. Draco had walked in with Pansy clinging onto his arm, but he paid no attention to her. He had his full attention on trying to find you in the crowd from the second he walked in. His blue eyes scanned the room, desperately trying to find you. ‘’Look Draco, there’s Blaise!’’ Pansy suddenly let out over the loud music that was playing, dragging him across the room. Draco stumbled towards his friend, letting out a sigh as he pulled his arm away from the girl. ‘’The Hufflepuffs really do know how to throw a party!’’ Blaise exclaimed as the two reached him. Draco just let out a scoff as his eye continued to search the room. ‘’C’mon Draco, sit down,’’ Pansy said, pulling him down so he sat next to her.

Draco didn’t see you for the entire night after that. He had spent what felt like hours trying his best to find you, ignoring Pansy. He was slowly giving up, that’s when he spotted you across the room. His eyes lit up as he saw you sitting at a table, laughing. Until he saw who you were with. Cedric had his hand placed on your inner thigh once again, but this time it wasn’t as innocently as it had been earlier that day. This time he was sitting much closer to you, whispering something in your ear. His thumb was stroking your leg, much closer to your crotch than Draco would have liked. He could see you blushing as Cedric continued to whisper into your ear, making Draco angrier and angrier by each second that passed. Before he could stop himself, he left the table he was sitting at and stomped your direction.

‘’Y/N,’’ Draco said coldly as he approached the table you were sitting at. Your head jerked to the side, confusion plastered all over your face. Cedric slowly pulled away his head, looking at Draco. Your expression quickly changed as you realized it was Draco. ‘’Draco! I’ve been looking for you,’’ You exclaimed, standing up; making Cedric’s hand fall off your thigh. ‘’Can I speak to you for a second?’’ Draco muttered quickly before you had the chance to continue your sentence. He looked over your shoulder, making eye contact with Cedric. ‘’In private.’’ He let out through his teeth. You nodded your head, raising one of your eyebrows. He quickly grabbed your wrist, walking you towards the closest restroom.

He slammed the door shut behind you, locking it as well. ‘’What’s so important that you have to talk to me in private?’’ You asked as you turned around to face the blond boy. But before you had the chance to even move, he slammed his lips against yours. His hands cupped your cheeks, kissing you hungrily. You couldn’t move, it was like you were paralyzed all of a sudden. Your entire world stopped spinning for a second before you realized what was going on. You quickly pushed him off you, making him stumble back. ‘’Draco, what the fuck!’’ You exclaimed, trying to understand what had just happened. ‘’C’mon Y/N, we’re not just friends and you know it,’’ He hissed as he steadied himself from stumbling back. ‘’Friends don’t act the way we do.’’ He continued, looking at you. ‘’What is that even supposed to mean?’’ You asked in annoyance.

Draco let out a chuckle as he shook his head. ‘’Friends don’t kiss each other on the cheek every time they see each other Y/N,’’ He muttered. ‘’And friends don’t sleep next to each other every night,’’ He continued, reminding you of how you used to cuddle in each other's arms every night. ‘’And hell, friends certainly don’t rub against each other the way you do each time you sit in my lap,’’ He mumbled as he got closer, making you inhale sharply. 

He wasn’t wrong. Before you met Cedric, you definitely had a thing for Draco. You still did, even though you were almost dating Cedric at this point. You just thought the feelings weren't mutual, so you tried moving on. Draco was now closer than ever to you, breathing down your neck, sending shivers down your spine. His eyes scanned your face, watching you as you felt completely defeated. He put a strand of hair behind your ear before leaning in. ‘’Can I kiss you now?’’ He whispered into your ear, making you weak at the knees. ‘’Please,’’ You whimpered. He quickly grabbed your neck, slamming his lips against yours once again. This time, you moved your lips against his soft ones. 

‘’Just friends, huh?’’ He mumbled against your ear, making you chuckle. ‘’Shut up Malfoy,’’ You answered as you slowly wrapped your arms around his neck. He looked down at you, with a small smirk on his lips. ‘’How about,’’ He started, his eyes slowly looking down your body. ‘’We skip the party and head back to my dorm?’’ He finished as his icy eyes met yours once again. ‘’Sounds great to me.’’

[extremelyblackandwhite]

handmaid - 06

PAIRING: mob!sebastian stan x ingenue!reader

WARNINGS: age gap, sexual content (18+)

A/N: i’m so happy you guys are enjoying this reader specifically. i have a soft spot for ingenues mostly because i was always type casted as the ingenue when i used to be in musicals and love to defend ingenues (mostly cosette bc everyone hates cosette FOR ZERO REASONS STOP HATING COSETTE).

 i was a bit afraid she would come out as very annoying (once again she is heavily inspired by cosette and christine and everyone hates cosette for, and i shall repeat again, no reason) but i’m rly glad everyone seems to enjoy this version if y/n. hope you enjoy this chapter xxx

NEXT CHAPTER

White. That was the very first thing she saw, the pure white, unspotted celling of her bedroom as she woke up. The sunlight warmly caressed her skin, reminded her that she did not remember when or how she had fallen asleep. If she had purposely done so, she would’ve closed the curtains but the warmness of her face told her otherwise. 

Lazily, she raised her chest from the bed, sheets bunched up in one of her fists pressed against her chest. Y/N glanced over to the alarm clock on her nightstand, 5 AM, and then to her figure, she was still to get out of her undergarments and petit coat from last night. She guessed, she must’ve fallen asleep waiting for Gwen. As that came into her head, she rushed out of her bedroom, her feet padded over the dark floors until she reached her friend’s room, gently and slowly opening the door. Her worries subsided once she saw her friend sleeping on top of her duvet, dress and shoes still on. Well, at least she was home.

      - I’ve already checked on her. - Y/N slowly closed the door, her breathe getting stuck in her throat as she recognised Sebastian’s voice. In all honesty, she still did not know how to react around him, specially after last night. 

Nevertheless, she turned around, her body facing his despite the distance between the both of them. He was in much more casual wear, a far cry from the constantly pristine pressed suits he wore, wearing a loose white tee shirt with some grey sweatpants. Still, despite being dressed in approachable clothing, he still looked more intimidating than every man she had ever met. Who was she kidding? Even the loose tee and sweatpants were probably more expensive than everything she owned all together. 

Sebastian, on the other hand, felt his throat and mouth water up at the sight in front of him. The once very polished hairstyle had collapsed, probably during her sleep, and she was bare faced, rid of any makeup. However, it wasn’t that which sparked wild thoughts in his mind, it was what she was wearing. A white lacy bustier met by a voluminous white petticoat and a garter holding her stockings in place. She looked straight out of his wildest fantasies and he had to clear his throat before he could say anything else to her.

     - I can get the maid to prepare you some breakfast, if you wish. - he tried to look at anything but her body but god, did she looked like the most delightful thing he’d ever set his eyes on. - Anything you want. 

     - I think I’ll just sleep for a little longer. - she gave him her signature sweet and soft smile. He just nodded, afraid his voice would fail him as she passed by, her floral scent invading all his senses. She always smelled nice and he felt like a teenage boy admitting just how her scent alone drove him wild. Flowery, fresh, exactly what he expected someone of that level of naiveté to smell like. Innocent. 

As she disappeared from the hallway onto her bedroom to sleep until a regular hour, Sebastian bolted into his and from there straight into his own personal bathroom. Taking his clothes off, he stepped into the shower and turned the cold water on. He knew better not to think that way about her, specially her of all people who’d probably be by his future wife’s side for the rest of her life. Yet, he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop thinking of her plump lips, her polite sweet little smile and how the lace stood against her skin. Fuck. She was the most gorgeous little thing ever created.

The water rushed down his back, pooling at the porcelain floors of his shower while his hands were held up against the dark marbled walls. His lips were slightly parted as his mind took him back to her, her breasts caged by her bustier, her slightly parted plumped lips she would bite on whenever she felt any sort of embarrassment ... god did he want to bite that lip himself. At this point, half his mind was telling him to go for it while the other half was telling him he was going to hell for this, for thinking about such a precious thing is such a dirty manner. Hell didn’t scare him, he already had a first class ticket there so he might as well relish into the sins of the flesh. 

His hand lowered down from the wall down to his bulge, mind fixated on Y/N, on the memory of when he had first meet her. God, she looked even more stunning on her knees and he couldn’t help but imagine her plump lips around him, taking all of him with those innocent eyes starring up. 

He gripped his cock, taking a long initial stroke up and down and then a few more times. A loud groan escaped his lips as he pictured her on his bed, how pretty she would look moaning and squirming under him as she brought her to the best type of pleasure possible.

     - Fuck, Y/N ... - he moaned, thumb swiping over the red tip and threw his head back. He stroked himself a couple of times more in corkscrew like motions, groaning as he reached his release. - Fuck. 

He leaned his head against the wet marble walls, feeling the cold water rush down his back. Fucking hell, how was he gonna cope with her constantly padding around his house with an innocence of a Disney princess come to life. As he stepped out of the shower, he heard a knock on his door. It better not be fucking Gwen, he thought to himself. The last thing he needed was for Gwen to come over and annoy him with trivial questions. 

Sebastian pulled his underwear and sweatpants from the floor, putting them on before walking to the door of his bedroom, opening it to see a very concerned Y/N standing there. 

    - Are you alright? I heard you calling out for me? - god fucking damn it, he thought to himself. There she was standing worried about him and all he could think about was picking her up and throw her into his bed. - You have very thin walls. 

    - I think it might just be your lack of sleep playing tricks on you, angel. - Sebastian glanced at her face wondering if she had bought it, yet considering she was very tired and it was 5.30, she did. However, there was a hint of worry in her eyes. 

   - Are you sure? You look really red. - she raised her hand, moving it to touch his forehead which she would’ve done successfully had Sebastian not grabbed her wrist mid air. He knew that what he needed the least right now was for her to touch him. If she did, he would’ve probably need to jump back into the shower and stay there for a good hour. 

    - I’m alright, Y/N. Go back to bed and sleep. - Y/N wasn’t very convinced he was alright but decided to return to her bedroom nonetheless. She sat on the edge of her mattress, wondering if sleep was ever gonna come back. 

After a few minutes rolling around in her sheets, she came to the conclusion she couldn’t go back to sleep. Y/N got dressed in some leggings and a big hoodie, finally getting rid of the petticoat and the bustier that was starting to make her rather uncomfortable. Opening the door to her bedroom slightly, she peaked her head out, watching Sebastian walk into his office followed by a couple of men, already fully dressed up. She preferred him in his casual wear but by the sheer amount of men following him into his office, she guessed he was about to have a meeting. She sighed, grabbed her phone from the dresser by the door and went down the stairs to the kitchen where one of the maids, Amelia, was. 

   - Good morning, Miss Y/N. - the middle aged woman smiled at the handmaid, the first person she saw today. - What would you like for breakfast?

   - It’s okay, Amelia. I can do it myself, you don’t need to tire yourself. 

   - Miss Y/N, it is my job to take care of you and Miss Gwen. - she turned the kettle on before standing on the opposite side of the balcony. - I can cook you whatever you want.

   - I don’t wanna be a bother.

   - Miss Y/N, if you don’t ask me for food, then what am I supposed to do for the rest of the day? Mr. Stan doesn’t take kindly to people slacking off.

   - Could I get a poached egg on toast, then? - Y/N still didn’t feel comfortable asking for stuff. Technically and contractually speaking she was an employee like Amelia and the other bodyguards yet she still got treated like Gwen. Her mind kept screaming at her it wasn’t exactly fair. - But I do the dishes later, deal?

   - If you insist, Miss Y/N. - Amelia turned the toaster on, slicing two slices of sourdough bread and sticking them in the device before setting the water to boil in order to poach the egg. Y/N just stared, enjoying the low sounds of the kitchen appliances until screams started coming from Sebastian’s office which made her skip a breathe, not expecting the loud noise.

She could hear him scream at his men from his office in a language she had never heard. She wasn’t afraid of him screaming, the time to be scared of him was long gone and she would fear him more whenever she disobeyed him rather than when he screamed at his goons. Y/N was more than used to hear powerful men scream at their employees. She sipped on her tea, eyes moving from his office’s door at the top at the stairs to Amelia who was equally drinking the hot beverage, ignoring the noise. 

In the middle of all the noise, a very annoyed Gwen, still wearing her red gown, came down the stairs. Her eyes were still filled with sleep and laziness while the rest of her features showed a completely lack of ignorance towards the noise that probably woke her up.

   - Amelia, get me the greasiest plate of bacon you can manage and a cappuccino. - Gwen muttered, her head pounding at any amount of noise as she took a place next to Y/N. - This house fucking sucks. 

   - Maybe if you didn’t get drunk that wouldn’t have happened. - Y/N raised from her seat to help Amelia with Gwen’s breakfast order, turning the coffee machine on. The heiress just scoffed, leaning against the plush leather seats of the high chairs standing by the balcony. Who needed a mother’s reprimanding nature when Y/N was around? 

The handmaid placed a cup of coffee in front of Gwen who immediately downed half of it, along with some pain killers to take care of the impending headache caused by too much fine wine and champagne. Nevertheless, much to Gwen’s annoyance, the screams got louder as the door to the office opened and a bunch of very grown yet very scared men walked out still being screamed out by Sebastian who then closed the door with a bang. 

Gwen waved at the men as they entered the lift, her flirtatious nature still shining over the impending doom of her hangover. She was flirty and no matter how engaged she was, she was still gonna be herself and Y/N had to applaud her for that. 

  - I’m gonna take Sebastian some tea. Gwen, please make sure you take those and drink plenty of water, please. - she warned, silver tray in hand. 

Mr. Forrest always enjoyed a nice cold glass of whiskey after a blown out fight with his associates, however, Y/N thought that alcohol wasn’t something Sebastian should be having after last night. Despite him not showing any signs of a hangover, he still had downed a significant amount of champagne flutes while she was by his side and what he needed right now was some nice chamomile tea. 

Filled with courage that was slightly wavering, Y/N climbed the stairs up to his office, fist lightly knocking on the wood of the door. When no answer came, she knocked again but this time she got a very arrogant “What?” back.

  - Sebastian? - she opened the door up to a fringe, eyes roaming inside the office.

  - Y/N, what is it? - his tone seemed to soften as she walked into the room, closing the door behind with her foot. He had to say, he was rather disappointed she was no longer wearing the lacy undergarments. - Is that for me?

  - Yes. - she placed the silver tray on top of his desk. - I thought you would need something to calm you down.

  - The sentiment is sweet, angel, but I severely doubt tea is gonna calm me down. - he sighed and she furrowed her brows. No problem or worry was big enough that it couldn’t at least be temporarily forgotten with a nice warm cup of tea. 

  - Is everything alright? - she asked, concern on her voice. He bite the inside of his cheek lightly before replying to her questions, wondering if he really wanted to explain mob business to her. - Sebastian?

  - Just need to get some affairs in order. Take this as a lesson Y/N, if you want something done correctly do it yourself.

  - I’ve known that since kindergarten. Did they not teach you that? - he chuckled, not being used to hearing her joke around.

  - Please warn Genevieve that I’m going to Paris late this evening to get it sorted. Not that she cares very much about my whereabouts but just in case she wants to smuggle someone else into my home. 

  - You’re going to Paris? - her eyes lit up at the mention of the French capital. She had gone there once with Gwen but she mostly hanged around the resort flirting around with as many men as she could and, as per usual, Y/N had to follow her around to ensure she didn’t get kidnapped or taken advantage of. Not that it was easy to take advantage of Gwen, she just ... needed constant supervision to make sure she made the safest and soundest decision possible. 

   - Don’t get so excited, angel. It’s an highly overrated city filled with people that can’t do their job correctly. - even with the backhand comment, there was still a sparkle in her eye. - If you’d like, you can accompany me but I assure you it won’t be as fun as movies make it sound.

   - Oh no, I can’t ... - she played with her fingers, looking down at her shoes in disappointment. - Gwen is a bit ... sick from last night and I have to take care of her.

   - So? - he lifted an eyebrow at her statement. - Ask her to come too. I’m sure she won’t deny a free trip to Paris.

tag list: @sideeffectsofyou​ @lilya-petrichor​ @xoxohannahlee @irespostthingsiwanttoseelater @nikkipea​

[seunqs]

[ a long get to know me tag ]

tagged by: losers @woosohn @yeonjuins

what day is your birthday?

27th june! it’ll be on a monday next year

what’s your favourite colour?

blue! a rather specific shade of light sky blue but i also like dark blue! might be misleading because everyone would think beige/black since that’s the aesthetic i like + almost everything i own is black...

what’s your lucky number?

i don’t have one i think but i tend to say 7 if i’m asked?

do you have any pets?

sadly no >:( will get one in the future idc idc

how tall are you?

158cm tiny i wna be abit taller

how many pairs of shoes do you own?

off my head i think 3 pairs...? just 2 black and 1 white that i rotate depending on the outfit i’m wearing

favorite song?

asdjekw i don’t think i have one specific one but recently i’ve been listening to maniac by nct doyoung & haechan!

other honourable mentions: a book of love by ha hyunsang, wide eyed blind by saint raymond, irreplaceable by nct dream, lmly by jackson wang. that’s all i have off my head

favorite movie?

surprisingly i’m not big on movies... but i’ll always answer parent trap when someone asks! why do i sound like i always have prepared answers in my head for various questions... okay that’s bc i do.

what would be your ideal partner?

@june look away i already know you’re gna say this sounds a lot like someone..

shy... is the main characteristics lmao idky it’s not even like i’m outgoing but i tend to find myself liking shy-er boys over the outgoing ones! aaa those with very obvious leadership qualities and quietly cares and looks out for those around them :’) tsundere! i think shy may appear cold sometimes but i’m rly :’) when the shy ones become very affectionate in private or when you get to know them better :’) or shy with strangers but very goofy and silly with their closer social circle heh those that are more cat-like than dog-like, only approaches you when they’re comfy. okay also shy but willing to speak up when necessary! doesn’t let themselves get bullied for being quiet and also pls speak up for me i hate ordering food pls do it for me HAHAHHA also if they’re passionate about something they like/are good at! good listeners too heh doesn’t need to always have the best advice, just if they would sit with me silently and listen to me and give me a hug afterwards :’’’’’) i think i’m on the touchier side too so if they don’t dislike that it’ll be nice! OH someone who’s good at cooking too bc i hate cooking and the kitchen in general.. i’ll do the dishes though HAHAHAH ok that is all there is a certain idol in my head that is the embodiment of my ideal type and i hate him >:(

do you want children?

no... not so much bc i don’t find them cute or i can’t handle them but i think it’s a commitment that scares me! bringing up the child well with the right character and values ajksdbwkje i don’t know if i’m up to that HAHAHAH

have you gotten in trouble with the law?

nope @woosohn @yeonjuins pls be proud of my direct no why are the two of you......... 

bath or shower?

shower! i don’t know if i’ve actually taken a bath before... probably when i was younger HAHAH i think i’ll get bored in the bath and i much rather be relaxing in bed than in the tub

what color socks are you wearing?

barefoot at the moment! the socks i own are mostly solid colour socks / simple cartoon or animal patterns but all ankle socks that can’t be seen with my shoes

favorite type of music?

i listen to pop, r&b and indie! that’s about all and favourite depends on the mood!

how many pillows do you sleep with?

just 1! and a bolster too

what position do you sleep in?

either on my back with hand over my head lmao or turned to either sides while hugging my bolster and face buried into the bolster

what you don’t like when you’re sleeping?

when it’s too hot! canNOT sleep if the weather is too hot. also if i get woken up rudely, by screaming or someone smacking me awake LMAO just tell me nicely to get up and i’ll be out of bed in 10mins pls give me awhile my brain is turning on HAHAHA

what do you have for breakfast?

recently i haven’t woken up early enough for bfast or my family is just about to go out to buy lunch by the time i’m up hahaha but on the days that i’m alive for bfast, iced coffee and any pastry sitting in the fridge! my family is big on pastries like croissants and cakes like banana and carrot cakes! so one of those but the iced coffee is a constant in my first meal of the day

have you ever tried archery?

nope and idt i’ll be good at it tbh....

favorite fruit?

strawberries, apples, peaches! there are some seasonal favs where i rly like them for a period of time and then suddenly not anymore but these 3 are the constants

favorite swear word?

hahahaha i dont think i have a favourite one..... but i say tf a lot and mf for kpop boys who make me more flustered than they should

do you have any scars?

i don’t think so! i have a few stretch marks around my waist and tummy tho 

are you a good liar?

yes... HAHAH i used to get scolded so much for lying as a kid lmfao

what’s your personality type?

isfj-t has probably only dipped to isfp-t once but if not constant isfj!

what’s your favorite type of girl?

HAHAHAH uh.... okay with all kinds i think? except people in general who try too hard

innie or outie?

innie. was this question necessary tho AHHAHAHA

left or right-handed?

right-handed

favorite food?

ramen! but i like lots of food lmfao tiramisu, pork belly, lots of noodles, also lots of rice, beef, cakes, ice cream, i think i’m more salty > sweet!

favorite foreign food?

japanese ramen, korean cuisine!, lasagne

are you clean or messy?

clean

most used phrase?

i think alot of keyboard smashes, lmao, wtf, HAHAHAHHAHA, sigh, i’m tired LOL

how long does it take for you to get ready?

depends! fastest i think i can get out of the house 20mins after i’ve woken up. longest probably an hour where outfit is taking a while and accessories needs to be chosen

do you talk to yourself?

in my head yes.

do you sing to yourself?

not often but i sing out loud for the family to hear LOL in my head very often a song is playing up there

are you a good singer?

nop. i don’t think i’m a BAD singer but wouldn’t classify as good either HAHHAHA

biggest fear?

wow so many things but i think biggest is complete darkness, i need to see and know what is going on around me. i sleep with a night light on heh 

are you a gossip?

with closer friends yes def HAHAH my school culture tends to have lots of tea that my friends and i don’t like to get too involved in but we do talk about the gossips that goes around hahaha have also been in the center of gossip way too often

do you like long or short hair?

long! can’t imagine myself with short hair.. used to have reallllyyy long hair that goes beyond my waist and cried when i cut it to slightly below shoulder length. that’s the shortest i’ll ever go

favourite school subject?

wow nothing i don’t like school lmfao but humanities and language are way more bearable than math and sciences

extrovert or introvert?

introverted

what makes you nervous?

unpredictable situations, being alone in public (contradictory because in private i would strongly prefer to be alone but i don’t enjoy being alone in public i feel judged HAHAHA), also currently waiting on a reply for something and that’s been keeping me anxious the past 2 days :’)

who was your first real crush?

when i was 13/14, tablemate in school that was kinda shy and had very limited social circle but talked to me endlessly in class lmfao he apparently liked me too but we never dated and went to different schools at 16 y/o. we’re still kinda in touch though! we talked quite a fair bit last month just catching up but he’s more of an acquaintance now

how many piercings do you have?

2! just one normal lobe piercing on either ears, don’t think i’ll get anymore

how fast can you run?

back in school i used to be one of the fastest girls in my class LMFAO i could clock 12.5 minutes for a 2.4km run. stamina came from dancing since i had to run laps before dance class 2 times a week. but that is long in the past and now i get tired from climbing more than 4 flights of stairs pls spare me

what color is your hair?

naturally black but dyed brown! my hair has grown quite abit since i dyed it though now its black at the top and brown from above my ears onwards

what color are your eyes?

a very dark brown lmfao almost black

what makes you angry?

irresponsible people. just pushing responsibility to others or avoiding their responsibilities. don’t need you to do a good job with your responsibilities, just don’t make your issues my issues. and if its a shared responsibility like group projects, then do your part to contribute and don’t expect others to cover you

selfish people, in many ways. just being self-centred, not caring about how others feel, doing things for personal gain at the expense of others

speaking in a passive-aggressive/sarcastic manner. i say this even though i’m afraid of confrontation but i much rather someone outright tells me they’re unhappy about something or wants to get a point across. i hate when they talk about it sarcastically or tries to sugar-coat their words to make themselves look less aggressive about their words. tell me straight as it is, if you’re already gonna talk about something bad don’t piss me off with your attitude at the same time

do you like your own name?

rae is nice! has a very nice ring to it and looks pretty!

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?

i don’t.. want one.. but both have their good and bad i can’t decide.. i want a puppy

what are your strengths?

is this an interview question i have had a few interviews over the past weeks i am well-prepared for this HAHAHA

i think i’m pretty resilient! i bounce back from bad times pretty quickly or i psycho myself to see the situation positively. but it is ofc coupled with a lot of complaining to the people around me first

although i hate unpredictable situations and having to quickly adapt to new settings, i think i adapt pretty quickly too. flexible? easy-going? idk what’s the right way to call it but yeah something along those lines. good at it but i still enjoy my stability and calm don’t want to have to quickly adapt to new situations.

what are your weaknesses?

very emotional HAHAH used to be much worse but i often let my emotions rule my head. i think i’ve improved A LOT though i used to be so bad but i think i’m now able to make rational decisions even if im bawling LMFAO

this sounds like a compliment but i’ve been told this too often as well. i tend to be way too nice to people who don’t deserve it. even if the person doesn’t deserve it or they’ve pushed all my buttons in the wrong way possible, i would still try to be as nice and polite as i can. really helps with me working in the f&b industry lmfao.

what’s the colour of your bedspread?

dark blue / grey! 

colour(s) of your room?

white & wood (throughout my house actually + green from the plants in the living room) @yeonjuins says i live in a muji showroom

[reblogcentre-2]

TW 

tw for: sh & trans stuff & blood & auto-surgery 

So you asked about my experience with auto-surgery. I actually wrote a vent fanfiction so I copy-pasted it & added more notes & stuff. The notes I added after are in ((here)) & the rest of it is my vent fanfic. The fanfic is p much accurate to the experience & any inaccuracies are pointed out ((in the)) notes.

I've dreamt about this before, but I never thought I would actually do it. It's completely an impulse decision. Well maybe not completely. I have the sense to find supplies first. Like a pack of razor blades. ...And scissors, toilet paper, rubbing alcohol, ice packs, a needle and thread, and a glass of water to keep me hydrated. I may be making a stupid decision, but I'll at least do it right.

I sit on the floor of my room, and take off my shirt. While holding an ice pack under my… on my chest ((don’t wanna say boobs)), I tie some fabric around my waist so there’s no bloody mess I have to clean. ((didn't work.)) Damn this ice pack is so cold, it almost hurts. Though, that's a good thing. It means my nerves will be numb.

Right.

I look around at my setup in confusion, I've lost my train of thought, ((adhd)) what am I doing what next- Ah, razor.

A thin piece of metal, flexible, yet strong. It doesn't glint in the artificial light. It's a matte metallic grey. I pick up my little prize, and having sanitized ((sadly not sterilized tho)) it in the alcohol and let it dry, letting down the ice pack. I bring it to the underside of my chest- but I can't see it. Disappointment. I put it down.

I need to get my fat ugly breast out of the way. Then it occurs to me- tape! ((I shoplifted this tape)) I use the tape to pull my chest up and back so I can see underneath it, or as much as I can, considering the size of it.

Now, I take up my razor. I remember reading about this one lady who gave herself a cesarean section with three long slices of a kitchen knife. She was a Mexican butcher. ((k so she had to go to the hospital after to get her intestines re-arranged I think. Also, this is what I would ask you to do, If I’m numb I won’t feel it so you can just boom three long swipes with a nice sharp chef’s knife & boom my boob is gone.))

Taking a deep breath, bracing myself for what's to come, I put the razor to my skin and pull. But I don't pull. I lift. I was too afraid, too cowardly to actually try. ((this is why I want someone else to do it)) Thankful to have lost some sensation from binding, I replace the ice pack and breathe again. Ok. I've got this. This is good. This is ok.

I lift the ice pack again, and this time I test my skin slightly. I… can't feel it. At least, not much. So, with the tape pulling back the offending tissue, I use my right hand to swipe across my left chest. It's barely a scratch. I try it again, this time closing my eyes before opening and doing the cut. It's much faster this time, and slightly deeper. How did she do it in three slices with her kitchen knife?

The blood is warm, and it drips down my chest. I unravel some tissue to dab at the blood. Then I make another cut, following inside the first, deepening it.

Yes.

I can't easily reach all the way across the bottom, so I'll have to settle for my scar being slightly on the inside. ((I can legit send a pic of the scar if you’re comfy with that)) I wipe the blood, then replace the ice pack. I need some more freezing. In a moment, I get back to it with the razor.

I can sometimes feel the pain, but I try to ignore it, or freeze it away. I keep slicing, wiping, and icing my chest. ((ok so only the skin felt painful & if you’re good, you can get thru the skin rly fast with the knife)) All the way until I see something unusual.

That's not skin.

That's… something.

Subdermal fat maybe? ((I had seen this already, but this was written as a vent fanfiction)) I keep going with the razor, another slash or two. Then I take hold of my scissors. ((oh the scissors were shit)) I can pinch my loose-from-binding skin to make a slight fold where I can use the scissors. So I do.

I use the scissors to open up the hole wider, ((idk if I actually did a lot of this or only a little bc scissors were painful af)) and I can see the fat in it. It's lumpy and greasy.

I'm disgusting.

It's a yellowish ((in culinary, the paler the fat the healthier the deer/animal. I think it might have just been discoloured from the blood. Btw there was no blood in the fat bc fat doesn’t have caapillaries)) white, made up of little bubbles, or maybe they just look that way because of the mutilation I'm committing. It's covered in red blood, so it looks more of an orange pink.

My gash is about 10cm long, maybe less. Probably less. ((I can measure if u want)) I use the scissors on the fat under the skin, and surprisingly, I can't feel it. I wipe up the blood, ready to strike again, but when I pick up the scissors I've bled again. I wipe again, pick up the scissors again, and prepare to slice again, again; but like last time there is too much blood. ((ugh I remember this, it was so annoying & my rag was already blood soaked))

I try to wipe it up enough to continue with my surgery, but I keep bleeding. and my ice packs are getting warm. ((I had to ask my brother to get me another ice pack but he brought me one that was only partially frozen))

So…

Shower.

I can do this in the shower.

I'm covered in blood, but the water would wash it away, keep it clean, moist, prevent it from clotting, and the cold water could provide numbing. Yes. I'm a genius. Shifting my pins-and-needles legs, I gather all the supplies I can carry, and peek my head around the corner. Nobody is coming.

Perfect.

I dash through the hallway, and my supplies are dumped on the washroom counter.

What do I do now? I… turn on the tap.

The cold water is uncomfortable, but I lean my body down, supporting my weight on either end of the tub, so that the water only runs along my chest. I tense as it cools the flesh. Then I step out of the shower, thankful that only my chest is wet, and try to keep on, but it’s so bloody. ((I remember thinking it literally looked like a murder scene. I was a Sherlock fan t the time))

It would make perfect sense to just bring my tools into the shower with me. I bring in two of my sharpest razors and my scissors, as well as one ice pack. ((I didn’t want the water to warm up the ice)) I run the cold shower over my laceration again, numbing it more, and once I’m done with that, I take my scissors and I put them inside.

Repeat repeat repeat. ((ok I think here is where I try to separate my skin from my breast tissue? I got such bad bruises bc I didn’t manage to take it all out))

Soon, I’m done separating the skin and extending the opening up a little higher. I keep rinsing the blood, the water runs down my entire body at this point, but I’m used to the cold.

I use my scissors to cut in deeper, I can’t feel it in the mammary fat at all. The scissors are opened and closed in rhythm, without being taken out of me between snips, and I reveal something that looks less like skin, and less like the bubbly pale fat. It might be a mammary gland- I’m not sure. It’s a different texture though, and-

Ouch! I can feel that! Damned fuck! I mean heck! ((I think I legit tried to not swear. I hurt a lot to cut that part. If it’s just done in one swipe tho it wouldn’t be as bad))

I water my wound again. I can’t have my body in pain. Just a few more seconds of cold water, and I can get back to it. Or maybe I should use my ice pack too… The ice pack helps freeze whatever that thing is, so I can cut through it with my scissors.

I’ve made a thick cut now, but I’ve seen surgeries before, I’ve watched so many videos of top surgeries, even some full surgery videos. I know what to do.

So I take my razor from the soap-bench in the wall and run it between the skin and my tissue until I get enough space for my scissors. ((oh! no- here’s the part where I separate the skin & get bruising)) My scissors go right between them, opening and closing as I move them around under my skin. I can see my skin stretch around them, like seeing someone’s legs under a blanket.

Now that I have it separated, I could maybe cut out an entire chunk. I rinse my scissors under the shower, and put them down on the floor of the tub, then I look down.

I’m covered in blood.

I open the shower door and look in the mirror across from me. It looks like a murder scene. There, my skin held apart by tape, a gaping slash under my- my breast, blood drips coming down from it, blood spread all over my torso from the water, blood in the hole in my body, ((yes a hole in my body, kinda wish I  took a pic)) blood bright red from being mixed with the water, blood clotting on my belly. I made jokes about some things looking like murder scenes before, like when working with food colouring.

Oh how I was wrong.

This is what a murder scene looks like. I’m so bloody. Part of me wants to take a picture, ((lol I was just thinking this!)) but oh hell (I mean heck) that would be messed up. As though I’m not already messed up!

Well I can’t stare, I have work to do. Work. I close the shower door, and bend down to pick up my ice pack, but I need to be careful, I don’t want to disturb my broken chest.

Numbing my chest again, I continue with this routine, pulling out chunks of my own body and flushing them down my shower drain like the serial killer I read about a little while ago. ((I don’t remember much about the chunks. It might have been less chunks than I’m making it sound. I have memory problems so : / ))

At some point I look in the mirror again, and I’m almost disgusted at what I’ve done.

My family probably needs to use the washroom, I’ve probably been showering for an hour now, they might get suspicious.

The smell is metallic & meaty, almost fishy even.

Thankfully, when I look down at my chest, it seems like I might be slightly smaller than before. ((not rly. It partially looked that way bc of the tape)) It definitely looks smaller than the one on my right. I haven’t been using my ice pack much lately. The blue liquid in the plastic pack has lost most of its cold.

I rinse off my less sharp scissors and razor, and spray all of the leftover bubbles of fat and drops of blood down the drain, trying to get the bloody footprints and handprints ((I forgot I made hand/foot prints!! If I had forgotten them mum could have walked in to pee & seen bloody handprints lol)) from the edges of the tub where I supported myself before getting used to the completely cold shower. I rinse off my torso, too now. Blood is strewn all over it, and some has dripped down to my legs, which has now dried. As soon as I rinse it off, I bleed some more. Ah. Well.

Onto the burgundy red floor towel I step, and I try my best to dry off my bloody chest and abdomen, but of the two rags I have, one of them is wet from taking it into the shower, and the other is already soaked with blood. Neither can help. I do my best nonetheless, and decide I should move on to stitches.

I know how to sew, and I’ve gotten stitches before, I should be able to do them. ((irl I                                  had only gotten stitches once & I already gave myself stitches once))

But I can’t find my needle, ((yeah I just couldn’t find my needle when I moved from my room to the washroom)) and the water hasn’t numbed my skin enough. Inside my body, in the fat, I can’t feel it, but, seemingly, I would still be able to feel it if I were to perform my own stitches.

Alrighty then, I can just tape myself together until I dry. But the tape won’t stick. ((ugh this was so annoying! I literally used all of my skin tape)) Neither will the bandaids. I have no sewing needle. I don’t know what to do, crap! I don’t know how to fix this! The tape won’t stick! Screw this fucking hell! I mean hecking heck!

Eventually, I go to my room. I put on my faux binder. It’s an old bra with a piece of fabric of my measurements sewed on the inside to compress my chest, the bra is just for the straps. Over that loose and torn excuse for a binder, I put on bra after bra, binding my semi-detached chest down so that I might be able to sleep without causing more damage.

I have a.. A thing tomorrow. ((practice for my baking competition)) I can go to the hospital a few blocks away from my school ((20 minute walk)) and get stitches there. Maybe they’ll even say I need to get top surgery an’ the gover’ment will pay for it. Yeah that’d be nice. I can jus’ wai’ ‘ntil tomorrow... and tomorrow I can take more ibe- ibu- ibupropen- ibuprofen... ((I wrote like this for the dramatic effect in the vent fic)) I can't take any more t’day. I’ll just go to sleep now n’ then I’ll wake up for school and when mom... asks me whaveter she asks I'll just tell her I have carpentry, and I'll tell the instructor that I’m not working today. ((irl I went to culinary, then told my teacher “actually I’m going to pick up my supplies to practice with & skidaddle”)) He’ll unsterdand, it’s not like I have school, it's the teacher’s comvemtion, I’m not obligated to stay, I can lust jeave. Mum will be none the wiser. Yah. Sleepy time. Hospital tomorrow. 

((so yeah. I go to sleep & ppl always say they can’t sleep on their sides so I tried that but I couldn’t handle it so I slept on my side while hugging a pillow to make sure nothing fell. I’m shaking too. Tbh I was just thinking “I’ve been in the bathroom for an hour or more, why has nobody knocked asking to brush their teeth?” I wake up the next day & put on a button-up shirt bc ppl say they can’t lift their arms, I practice walking on google maps to the hospital, then mom drives me to school. I had my learner’s license but I didn’t want to drive bc of my injury. I go in, I tell Chef I’m leaving, he’s cool abt it. So now I’m loaded up with a huge backpack, it’s february in canada & I forgot a jacket (bc I was driving in a warm car to a warm school & busy planning other things), I also brought my fiddle bc I waited for 4 hours last time & was bored, & I have a huge toolbox & a tub of fondant. I walk 20 minutes to the hospital, get in, & I need to change from my mask to the hospital mask. I go through talking to ppl & stuff. Eventually I’m called up for triage & I tell the guy what’s up (& take my meds bc I forgot that morning & she thought I was doing drugs) & sheasks me for my healthcard number & stuff. I think she was able to put my preferred name in the notes. I’m unbuttoning my shirt & she says “actually come in here” so I go into the nurses’ station & she peels up my bras a bit (apparently I’ve bled) & she’s like “wtf bro” & I’m like “what?” & she’s really concerned that I wanted like 12 hours to come. It was like 9-10pm that I was doing it & it was probably 10am at the time I saw her idk. So she gets me into a private room immediately I think (idk I might be mixing this up with the hospital trip where I had to wait for ages. Idk whether I had to wait here too.) Oh I forgot, I also plucked my violin while waiting for triage or to get called to a private room, but I wasn’t allowed. So eventually (really soon by hospital standards) I get taken to a private room. They get me to change into a gown (all of my bras off too) & now my breast isn’t secured. So while I’m waiting I play my fiddle & look up chords on my phone. Everyone likes it. The nurses & doctors & porters are like “where’s that music coming from?” & “It’s like we’re at the beach” bc chords on violin sound like chords on ukelele despite the fact that I was singing mostly mother mother. Ppl come in a lot tbh. I think the doctor comes in but he says “my shift is over soon & you will take a long time, bYe!” also I’ve been asked so many times if this was a suicide attempt & I’m like “nah bro if I wanted to be dead I would be, I’m not actually suicidal anymore.” Eventually a porter comes to move me from my nice private room to some curtained one. I’m plucking my violin quieter but some fuckin security guard says it’s loud & might be disturbingother patients so I play a really quiet eidelwisse & then I think I might stop. The guard called me miss too & it sucked. Eventually the doctor on shift comes & asks me about things & why & he’s also got his hands on my boob. (when I saw the first doctor he asked if I needed a female doctor & I was like “nah dude ur a doctor & I’m a trans.) So he’s going to sew me up & at some point he asks “tdo you want me to take the rest off?” I’m super confused until I realize he’s making a joke: “do you want me to finish the job & take the rest of your boob off?” so I laugh & say “I wish” & he says “I’d do a horrible job” & I’m like “BRo I AlreAdy did a hOrrible job!” so that was funny. He also asked me about trans stuff bc he didn’t understand a lot (he was respectful even tho he didn’t understand) & he even suggested I claim back pain to get a reduction. I have back pain (mostly from binding). Anyways he drops the needle with novacaine or whatever the hell& needsto get a new one & nobody can touch it bc it’s sharp. A few times it hurts but it’s fine I just close my eyes. He asks “do you need more anesthetic?” & I’m like “bro I did this with only a fucking ice pack” but w/o the swears. I ask him if I can bind after & he’slike “idk” so that was fun. I have a dip in my scar now. Then a nurse comes in & puts a fuck ton of bandages & gause on me but it’s stupid bc I was lying doen & as soon as I stood up (& worse when I put on a bra) it changed everything. So they give me a bag for all my bras & I walk back to school. Now it’s like 15.00 or 3 o’clock so I get back to school… & my phone is at 1%. I text my mom “hey I’m done at school” on google hangouts but my phone dies before I know whether or not the message sent. Chef is already gone, so I can’t get into the school. I can’t call mom. I walk around for a bit, assuming she’ll pick me up when she thinks it’s time. Nope. I’m outside in the cold. I start knocking on doors asking for a phone but it’s fricking covid season! I walk to a nearby coffeeshop & borrow the phone of a nice couple. Mom got sus of that. I warm up in the nice coffeeshop, mom takes me home, but she knows I skipped practice. I think she even called my chef. So yeah that was stupid. I told her “haha I went to get drugs” but she didn’t believe me & also what kind of a lie is that? She knew I cut myself, I guess I just didn’t want to worry her or have her demand to see or cry & ask me why I felt the need to change my body. I’m pissed off that she caught me (she caught me last time I gto stitches too). I can’t jump anymore *& I’m wearing my size-up binder. The doctor told me to scrub my stitches in nthe shower, the nurse told me to wrap in in plastic wrap. I’m wearing button shirts for ages after this, I’m avoiding lifting my arms, everything sucks. Whenever I think of it, I could smell it. I smelled the blood. Every time I smelled a glass that was washed in a dishwasher, I smelled my injury. Every time I remembered it, I could smell it. I don’t get that anymore but I was literally in mild shock & I think I may have traumatized myself. There’s more to say but I forget it all & idc so good night))

[lanamemories2]

rides onto the dash nude n on horseback like this pic of sam way. oh fancy seeing u here.......... im impeccably tensed our entire exchange. buns like steel cld crack a nut open between them. i’m nai n it’s so nice to meet u all!!!! i’m one of the admins here (josefine frida pettersen on the main) n i’m so Excited 2 get things going........... some facts abt me r i sometimes hv a witch’s cackle, i once drunkenly swung frm a tree branch pretending to b tarzan n fell n grass stained my fav jeans at 4 in the morning n i lov spicy food despite the fact it mkes me sweat like a hog in the sun. more abt lana under the cut!!! also like this or hmu if u wna plot n her pinterest is here n playlist is here 👺🌚

「kristine froseth & cis-female」⇾ jameson , lana, the junior radcliffe student’s records show that she is a gemini and 22 years old. she is studying dance, living in off campus and can be vivacious, passionate, childish & impulsive. when i see her i am reminded of stepping out in the cold wearing just a red slip, lipstick on a stranger’s throat, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

AESTHETICS:

scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out in the cold wearing just a red slip, an origami swan made from an old receipt, tickling a stranger’s chin with the end of a feather boa, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off a bruise there, doodling penises in the condensation of a car window, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open.

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. albums framed on the walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i summarised it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”, not that u wld know from all of the gardener’s pruning

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his rich best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n victoria ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him

anyway so jameson records repped a few big rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. (drugs/addiction tw) they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. rly troubled characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was kind of an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast. very strange environment fr a child to grow up in

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana asked her why shes so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door

(dissociation/delusion tw) bc of this growing up lana adopted this weird like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w noone acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. hes the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her in the zoo they called a home n cut the crusts off her PBJs so they lkd like teddy bears (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door n was always over bc he had very strict parents / a military father tht he found suffocating)

SO when caleb n tommy announced tht they’d signed up to the army lana ws understandably…….. blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving like pretty besides herself bt she tried not to b mad at them n made them promise theyd b safe n back as soon as possible. she even asked if they cld somehow take her w them n they were jst like :/ it doesn’t work that way luv x

(death tw, ptsd tw, grief tw, trauma tw, hospitalisation tw, drugs tw) anyway caleb ended up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed tommy die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home sans tommy bt he was never the same after tht. he’s been in n out of hospital n he turned to using as a way to cope so it’s been a rly bumpy road since. lana kind of felt like two of her brothers died out there in a way n jst like tht it wasn’t them vs the world any mre, it was jst her

ANYWAY whew tht rly…. took a dark turn there….. chuckles nervously at hw sad lana’s life is bt it’s fine it’s all fINE!!!!!!! ok. so on a mre lighthearted note the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably Pretty Gorl

(trauma tw) after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

(hypersexuality tw) this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr hookups even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. the risk is honestly part of the appeal to her sometimes she’s :////// quite self destructive n jst likes a thrill to mke her feel Alive. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of… almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) she’s had.................... SCH a bad history dating wise. she almost always dates fking.... actual beasts like i jst wna gently shake her by the shoulders sometimes bt :////////////// one of her recent exes is in prison aftr he beat up someone she’d slept w in front of her like she jst. has had a very Not Sexy time w romance...... she hd to b a witness in the trial abt it n he ws found guilty n sent down so it ws like Intense n a gd example of the kinds of disastrous relationships she gets herself into. perks of being a wallflower voice: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

this past summer she gt a job at a burlesque club in downtown lovell!!! it honestly is her dream job like. dancing? being sexy? fav hobbies................. most delicious pastimes... 10/10 ideal fr her............... she almost started working at a coyote ugly bar bt this one won her over. she usually jets off to some foreign country n has a rly exotic n action packed summer bt i think she wldv just been working local there fr this one to b close to her brother (the rehab he’s at is close like a 40 min drive so!). she’s also moved into a big lofty apartment w 3 roommates tht’s above a chinese take out w lots of lanterns hung outside. the street? scott street......................... tribute to mizz phoebe bridgers hunger games salutes to the sky so it travels 2 her............. she gt a red heart shaped bath tub installed which hs always been her dream so honestly the summer hs been pretty gd to her....... five stars on yelp she deserves Some happiness once in a while

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

growing up lana was always a HUGE social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget (cld b a gd or bad thing depends on ur Stance...... she can be a lot tho frankly). very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring act tht femme fatales wear in movies sometimes. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as or the person she feels ppl want her to be. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

always the last one awake at the party. jst doesn’t seem to hv.... an off switch. every1 else cld b passed out at 6am n she’d still b swaying around to sunday morning by the velvet underground in her underwear drinking frm a bottle of merlot

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories

uncontrollably flirty. she’s tht tumblr post tht’s like flirting will b ur hubris n the reply is like kind of sexy of u to say so................ SO confident cld talk to anyone. makes a joke out of anything. tends to laugh when she feels like crying. even if she DOES cry she’ll smile thru it like it isn’t happening she jst.... doesn’t like to b negative ever if she cn help it

she’s amassed a weird collection of like... Things various ppl she’s known hv made abt her. this guy she ws friends w wrote a song abt her n performed it at a gig she went to without telling her in advance. it ws rly dramatic he sang it n looked at her the whole time n she ws jst a bit like.... omg.... lmfao............... she’s also hd various paintings done of her. i honestly dnt even rly kno hw it happens she jst has a personality where she..... leaves an impression like a lipstick print on a white shirt w some ppl.................. she’s like tht tumblr post where someone arrives at a poetry reading n is like hi yes........ where do the muses sit? except she isn’t rly.... obnoxious abt it she jst shrugs n is like.......... oh that........... KJHSFKHGSFKGHSFKGSFHGK. it’s a charmed life fr some

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

PLOTS:

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. whips her in the town square like gale

mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her??? chaos. anguish. strife. 

someone tht works at the burlesque club in downtown lovell w her!!!!! as like a bartender or another dancer or security or................... whtvr honestly. hvn’t worked out a name fr the club yet bt i think it cld b a fun setting to write stuff in n there cld b lots to build off there!!

a cousin plot cld b fun too

her n freya nilsen run smthn called Dick Sisters Inc......... they hv a twitter fr it n everything.... n a hq based in one of the abandoned dorms in the leach building.... lots of inflatable furniture disco balls.............. lana even gt replica airplane seats so they cn sit n b served drinks by this guy tht runs errands fr them who they call bucket....... they bsically like. set ppl up n help ppl get laid it’s a matchmaking service of sorts.......... started as a joke bt nw it’s genuinely become quite a profitable business w word spreading all over campus........ ugh entrepreneurial icons... anyway mayb ur chara cld come to lana fr Dick Sisters assistance......... mayb they’v come to them in the past......... 

a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other.

someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh

briefly did camgirl stuff on an independent bt up n coming porn site....... titters.......... mayb ur muse used a pseudonym n recognises lana frm it bt is too embarrassed to admit they were subscribed............ mayb they happened upon her on there once n nw r jst like. what do i do w this knowledge. idk cld b fun to work around perhaps

an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool)

someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label

someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all i won’t lie to u. relentless.....

umm a good influence too mayb?

honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. world’s our oyster fellas!

[shytiff]

Small Dec Wins

i cant believe its December already tf?!?!?!

1 - poli KIA today. saw a mother who cant feel the movement of their baby. the senior midwife tried to find the baby’s heart beat but not finding it. she said she hopes she were wrong. fell asleep at 3pm-ish, woke up super hungry. ate. i swear i feel like my weight when i measured it this morning was ~52, but after eating its close to 54 lol. eating banana and chocolate nextar is yummm. dalbang today is hella funny as always and suuper endearing. fell asleep after dalbang, didnt study hufttt

2 - today im at igd but joined azkia at vk for a bit to see partus. its not that im scared (maybe not consciously) but when the mom was being stitched i felt lightheaded, nausea, cold extremities, and i even had to squat multiple times because i couldnt stand. But i felt better after the partus so maybe seeing it was the cause. I did not feel scared at all honestly ._. and i’ve seen multiple partus before. i dont know why. i can literally feel my symphatetic tone giving out lmaoo. tried matcha latte with Cy matcha powder. it tasted more milky and grassy. mom thought it tasted like nori. i prever cocodeli alll the way (although Cy is cheaper). i think it also has a bit of caffeine that made me feel awake like a normal person should be. 

3 - today is vk but there’s no patient so thank god i saw sumn yesterday. did some cicil ukmppd in the morning accompanied by matcha latte. tried to order dufan tickets and i couldnt find my damn ktp...... fell asleep after worrying about said ktp

4 - matcha latte in the car, swab at lmk, went to dufan by tj with willy, had quite some funn with atikah nila willy amel pupuy. first time trying kereta misteri, quite fun. it rained after ashar so we didnt ride anything after that. turns out my ktp was at barel’s fotocopy lmaoo thankyou ara for picking it. went to solaria ancol afterwards, picked up by mom. i didnt tell her in the morning that i was going to dufan lmao. plenary @ zoom 19 pm. rapat nemo. fell asleep.

5 - went to lmk by tj to surprise clara. went back home and fell asleep. didnt rly do anything afterwards because this ragged body gets tired easily and i dont eat much recently. i can feel the difference before and after eating and there’s actual energy after eating. its not that im hungry though, but i feel less energized. felt annoyed terrible and just wanna lay in bed (this is unrelated with the less food in my system). even though i met up with friends

6 - after LOTS of sleeping i feel somehow better but not to a ‘normal’ amount. watched kimbab family videos. did power vinyasa by doogether with fianti. took a shower and ate indomie and i felt quite normal, except i slept again wtf. i thought i would have the second half of the day but nah. did self tryouts with fianti, 150 FDI questions. I got 96/150 right. huft. such a great reality check

7 - poli lansia with dokter isip, matcha latte in the afternoon rly helps me not sleeping the day away, packed up for depok

8 - poli umum with dr gita (helped doing phys exam), packed the rest of my stuff, ate some risol and matcha lattteee in the car, took swab results, picked up hazmats etc, zoom discussion with FT PKM Kalideres (dr gita) on the way, and i finally arrived at tamel. dinner is granola with vsoy. Taste like a slightly wet granola bar, nutty fiber-y vibe

9 - walked in ui with ara, managed to jog from the trees near st ui until kuburan bikun wow. i reached that point where my leg and heart were going in a steady unburdened pace and my willpower to keep going on was tested. tried the signature steak in Double U Steak by Chef Widi, while ara tried ribeye. the ribeye was more tender than the signature. but the seasoning in the signature is quite delish, salty and oily without being too much (like futago ya). read poppyland fast pass from ara’s phone omg season 1 is finally complete! went to coftof (omgggg i miss this place), it looks different now. ordered matcha latte and it tasted weirdly like a soy milk although ara doesnt feel that way. the matcha tasted weird. wont repurchase. read chainsaw man, its so entertaining, funny and deep at the same time. denji mess around and be too naive sometimes but hes lowkey hot lmaooo. aki is lovvvvve.

10 - first day at rsud budhi asih. had moesli combined with granola + vsoy for brekkie. went back to tamel at 3 pm. it rained when i got back. bought warteg lugina worth 32k. walked to sbux for tumbler day its been a while since i had their matcha latte. it tasted quite good, but not as good as i remembered (?) maybe bcs i asked for non fat milk. sbux closes at 8 pm for now hikss

11 - left tamel at about 7:10 and arrived on budhi asih at 08:54 yalll the traffic. Icu. Bought eatlah double and ate the salted egg part. Nap. ICU discussion with dr Dedi @8pm. I presented from my phone to save data hehe,,

12 - woke up at 8, eatlah brown butter for brekkie, symcard, saladstop's caesar salad for lunch (quite 'eneg' because i didnt eat the cheese evenly so the chicken and cheese were eaten last after the vegs are out. The vegetable's not that variative, and the non vegs make the salad taste delicious (albeit maybe not THAT healthy). Evening jog @UI and i realized i can get wifi sitting near the lake n library. Stared at the night sky from my room, i swear the sky seems super clear. Saw tiny fireworks in the distance

13 - ate muesli and saladstop’s banana walnut cake, symcard, bought moon chicken and saladpoint. lunch was egg salad and the wings. the original tasted so good like??? maybe i havent had msg for a while. also tried big bang, not too spicy which is nice. cicil ukmppd. put my laundry at buih barel lmaoo. try out with fianti. got 70/100

14 - breakfast was salad and leftover chicken. today was bangsal with angga armand. the geriatric patient has a loud murmur yall (and scoliosis, so much that the heart looks distorted). went to margo city to see sales, but when i think about it id rather just thrift stuff lmao. bought lugina. slept through kuliah guru besar. writing this in yellow truck coffee, that had 2 customers on the 1st floor including me. tried banana milk. yall after trying to drink less sugar the beverage tasted super sweet. my headache just goes away. sugar is magic but unhealthy whyyyyy.

15 - igd siang with indah. This body sure is frail. Did cbd with dr afifah AND rescheduled pleno. Rip mobile data i have to use for hotspot.

16 - ok today. Inserted goedel and did bagging. I bagged the patient the wrong way at first (too much). Thankfully the nurses were kind and taught us a lot :) watched some bts content. I feel like after reading househusband my tiktok page is now immensely funnier. Dalbang is also hilarious as always. Put on ginseng sheet mask (smells quite strong)

17 - bangsal. snacked on fried chicken. matcha latte starbucks (turns out its quite full here) and liqo about keeping our tongues in check

18 - arrived at icu. And then opened line. Turns out hadin's swab is positive, so agung kak iman and me have to isolate and swab. So i went back. Ordered kanayam chicken and fish and tempe. Nasi liwet tasted goood damn. Sleptt in the afternoon. Pleno at 4 pm (entered the room 4:30). Had no motivation to do anything. Azkia is getting married! Spent 20 mins formulating words to congratulate her lmaoo

19 - osce simulation, kak nanu was so kind and encouraging. Did try out solid. Lunch is fish bite pasta with melted cheese (cause i had to reach the minimum amount for promo). It got cold so its not that good (pairing it with self made mentai sauce, mixing the mayo and chili, is way much better). Jogged in ui (and searched for wifi). Approached by someone selling haraus coffee (25k), saying that some earnings will be for charity. Its basically sweet. Can barely taste the coffee.

20 - had kanayam for lunch (brekkie is almost always muesli lately). The nasi liwet tasted much better the first time. Walked to yellow truck coffee in the pouring rain. Got banana milk. Saw webinar ksk (electrolyte correction and dr nadhira talkshow). What i got from it is that, dr nadhira is a different person from the first place. Shes visionary, knows what she want and not afraid to reach it. The mindset is different. Even if i try as hard as her, her propensity to growth is different. Cicil ukmppd. Try out with fianti (got 72/100). Talked for an hour about love and marriage and engagements (there are so much of it lately)

21 - leftover kanayam for brekkie, also ate roti salman in cikini st. swab today (met kris, nessa and others). muesli for lunch. i thought my body felt a bit warm, so i decided to find sumn to eat. tried kedai abu bakar’s spaghetti brulee. its okay. maybe because its not too cheesy or meaty, mainly bechamel sauce. the one pupuy made is much tastier. finished the whole 10x20 portion in 2 eating sesh. cicil ukmppd @ bed in the evening (somehow felt refreshed enough to be able to concentrate in bed)

22 - went early to icu to put dops form. lugina for early lunch. i feel like my metabolism is faster? or my body is not so much in calorie deficit mode anymore and it got greedier lmao i used to just ignore hunger but not now, for health. starbiiies tumbler day. ordered black tea latte with non fat milk and vanilla syrup (because raspberry syrup is no more). did cbd geri ppt. 

23 - finally knew the swab result bcs kak iman asked kak farras. thankfully negative. igd with jordi. quite a few chances to do iv line, but i failed 2 times. managed to do iv injection to insert 2 drugs. saw the worst cpr ive ever seen in my life. its too slow, with maximal interruption. fish bite for lunch. wasted the rest of my day

24 - originally intended to run but i cant bring myself out of bed. packed up my stuff. picked up by mom. got the paper result of swab, got ksk from kelvyn @ capitol. can finally drink self-made matcha latte again, but it tasted horrible. i know cy matcha doesnt have that much going on, but even this is low even for them. previously i was starting to get used to the grassy smell.

25 - my lil bro remarked “maybe shes depressed because she doesnt have her chair”. fuck yall. this “depression” that im in is caused by this very place and the people. and im supposed to still muster the strength to study for ukmppd AND get my face together for solid book photoshoot. that shit is too much. this is why the money that goes to cafe, and the bike ride there is worth it for my sanity. after showering, things felt a bit better. had absolutely no will to study today. ate muesli with a bit of matcha latte.

26 - muesli for breakfast. matcha latte is lyfff ive probably said this before but it ~somehow~ makes me feel normal and not in a slump. like im a regular person. with normal moods. and not wanting to sleep all the time. i try to do ukmppd exercises but the pace is so fucking slow, bcs im distracted by get rich haha,,,. the latest potn update (64) is omgggg the mixed feelings? love? hate? anger? everything and nothing? the ~tension and passion~? im obsessed. watched a ton of bts content today and yesterday lmao.

27 - nasi kebuli for brekkie. went to flavola, im the first customer lmao. tried kopi susu coklat, tasted quite close enough to janjiw’s kopi soklat. had the same ~improved mood and concentration~ effect. tried to read ksk. bought milky banana 1L from puyo to give dajen (its his bday yesterday) (i feel prompted (?) to gift people when theyve given a present to me) (because my love lang is not gift giving at all so i barely think abt gifts lmao). talked with sum 33 ipa guys @ dajens house. yay appropriate amount of social battery charging. tryout with fianti, padi this time. got 67/100. 

28 - ate muesli with matcha latte after breakfast. cicil ukmppd. Listened to yoongi's vlive until i fell asleep lol. 2 burger and salad for dinner. omggg hansol revealed his gf. 

29 - spent half of my day tidying up the mess that is my room. figured out what to wear for solid book photoshoot with fianti, ara. matcha latte terosss. phd for dinner. 

30 - breakfast is muesli with cimory choco hazelnut. mom made matcha chocolate brownies. tryna study. slow pace terosss. read some padi materials. dalbang.

31 - bought vsoy low sugar and multigrain. moved my body a bit to youtube videos. showered. felt better. it also rained (which i love). the pleasant mood only lasted til the evening. did nothing from 7pm even though im not sleepy. cant tell when did i start to sleep

and just like that, 2020 kkeut. its sad to say i dont rly remember much remarkable things this year. other than the trip and memories with minor rotation friends. i just remember wasting my life away in my house. i guess that’s the danger of living a monotone life. sometimes you gotta invest some time to have fun, to have motivation to live on and do things. not doing this makes it difficult to live day by day. and friends. meeting friends, seeing new stuff. that helps me live. 

[monohart]

clouds. (college!au)

ft. mark lee, sunny days and the brink of adolescence.

dating the campus’ radio dj was not an easy job

he was always, always busy, especially in the evenings.

he was exempted from 2/3 of his classes this semester to fit in broadcasting sessions and also to mentor the new broadcasters.

apparently they recruited a freshman, jisung. but he was a shy little bean, and mark needed to spend a lot more hours mentoring him.

which kinda meant that you would spend less time with your boyfriend

thankfully, y’all had similar classes.

there was this one class which was a capstone subject

which meant if u want to graduate u HAD to take it lol

and he aced all of the assessments in that subject so far this year

but you were just a bit competitive, so with exams coming, you planned to score a higher grade than him

which.. was an easy job, right? he spent most of his nights hosting the radio show anyway.

it both bugged and made you so extremely proud that mark was already getting proper job offers from major broadcasting channels

like when he got his first offer, he actually just finished a broadcast at around 3am, and was on the way back home

but he read the email on his phone and took a detour to your apartment

which scared the sh*t out of you

mark its almost 4am you could’ve just sent me a text??

“i don’t care i just needed to tell you this in person, oh my goodness is this even real????”

idk mark you tell me???

it was real, because he started getting offer after offer in the following week

but thankfully he didn’t pop by your place in the middle of the night again, after that first time

because you actually let him stay over that night and -

he held you in his arms as he leant against your headboard

and you just used him as a pillow because he you made him take a quick shower and he smelt of your soap but he still smelled of him and it was a comforting scent which sent you off the dreamland real quick

and he actually watched you fall asleep and made sure you were asleep before he pulled out his laptop to work on an assignment that was due the next day

when you woke up the next morning, you felt something cold and hard prod your back and you panicked for a moment before realising it was his laptop

and you heard the shower running so you knew it was mark going through his morning routine

but then you thought.... did he even sleep?

when he hopped out of the bathroom clad in same the clothes he wore the night before, he was still drying his hair with a towel

and his face was strew with exhaustion

but as soon as he saw you sitting groggily on the edge of your bed, his face lit up and he strode over to kiss the top of your head

“mark, did you even sleep?”

“nope, but i’m off again, i’ve got to hand in my assignment! i’ll see you for lunch?”

“wait what assignment?? did you need help on it?”

“nope, i got it done last night! thanks for letting me crash.”

before you could stop him, he pressed a hasty kiss on your lips before grabbing his laptop and bag and rushed out the door

and you sigh because

this was how dating mark lee, the campus dj, was like.

anyway

now, you guys were just a few days away from finishing the semester’s classes

and this was your last semester... given if you’ll pass the exams lol

so it was kinda the last few days you’d be able to spend together, on campus.

summer was coming

and the sun was so bright these days, it cleared the skies

no rain, none at all

which was not entirely Great because rainy days helped you study... and rainy days also meant more people tuned in on the campus radio

which meant

mark was kinda jobless today

which ALSO meant!!!

you could finally spend a whole day with him.

but, oh man...

when he called you around 11pm the night before, he was also checking his email and ... accidentally forgot that he had another assignment due at 8am the following morning

guess who didn’t get any sleep at all again!!!

your heart hurt seeing him work so hard

but somehow he convinced you to go to sleep first and not stay up to help him

he still got the assignment in on time because hes mark lee

so when you guys sat on the lawn in the middle of campus just like any typical college couple would on a nice sunny day, mark lay his head on your lap and used one of your textbooks to shield his eyes from the sun

and you were using his laptop to compile your notes from the semester, and also to help him tidy up his

“hey baby...?”

“hmm?”

you waited for mark to continue his sentence but he went silent

“mark, what?”

“mark-”

you lifted your textbook from his face only to find that he had fallen asleep.

his lips were slightly parted and he was snoring really quietly, and his fingers were in loose fists as they rested on his belly.

dont deny but you busted the biggest uwu didnt you

ofc like

you couldn’t possibly waste this precious photo opportunity but

your phone was just slightly out of reach rip

so when you grappled for it, mark woke up in an instant

he sat up real quick, and a tuft of his hair was sticking up messily.

“oh no, i didnt mean to-”

“so d’you wonder why we’re all clouds?”

you stared at each other with equally as confused frowns lol

like mark was actually

hella confused

but your expression literally read wtf

he didn’t really notice but instead yawned and held his arm out to you

and you move closer to him, snuggling into his side as he slowly lays the both of you down again, in a way so you could use his arm as a pillow.

the sun was really really bright so y’all lay there with your eyes squished shut

“we’re all just clouds, aren’t we?”

his serious question was met by your quiet scoff

“no, no, i’m for real. y’know how everything we do are for exams. exams this, assignments that... gpa... scores.. grades... deadlines... those kinda things. they turn us into clouds.”

“that is one extremely weird way to describe college students, mark.”

“no, baby, but... it’s accurate, isn’t it? the anxiety, stress, exhaustion... and just about everything we do turn us all into little clouds.”

“do elaborate, cause i don’t get why you’re comparing us to condensed water vapour.”

mark chuckled a little, and you roll your eyes figuratively, keeping your eyes tightly shut to shield it from the unforgiving sun.

"actually, never mind, it sounded way better in my head.”

at that point you were getting up to lie on your side

he turned his head and squinted at you as you gently placed a hand on his chest

"are you writing lyrics again?”

he hummed quietly and you shift a few inches closer to him.

“show me. i want to read those lyrics, no matter how dumb you think they are.”

“they’re not ready yet.”

“if you’re writing about anxiety, i can be your muse.”

“no way, you’re not a cloud. you’re a sunflower.”

he wrote lyrics all the time and most of the time he’d write them about you

sometimes he’d let you read them, sometimes he kept them to himself

and you’d catch him grinning idiotically over some lyric he wrote some time ago

so when he goes to sleep you would sneak a peak at it and it’s basically a love letter to first-date-you, or a diary entry of how he feels every time he sends u home from a date or from school but its so dreamy and seems unreal but you kNOW ITS REAL!!

bc u were there!!

anyway 

idk what came over you but you slung an arm around his torso and rested your head against his shoulder and he let out a quiet little puff of breath

you would think he’s pretty ok with skinship since y’all been together for so long

but yeah it was chill and okay and he’d be super clingy at home but when y’all were in public

man,,, he got so flustered and nervous

u just wanted to cuddle lol but he suddenly turned into a robot

the sun made everything seem slow and warm and sluggish which was pretty okay with you because you were finally spending time with mark!!!

and he was soft and squishy and a little bit awkward but so so so cute so u rly just wanted the moment to last longer

but no

just as u were about to drift off a Shadow™ loomed over u both

mark probably fell asleep again tbh

u heard a rly loud camera go CLICK and distinct voices whisper-yelling at each other

and there was a struggle

and the struggle ended with a Butt falling onto mark’s other shoulder

“MARK IM SO SORRY RENJUN PUSHED ME”

“NO YOU STINK YOU FELL BY YOURSELF”

“oh hey guys shut up the photo turned out alright”

“JENO SHUT UP THEY’RE RIGHT THERE”

mark was sitting up and you fussed over his other shoulder which was attacked by jaemin’s butt

and although he was so .. unfortunately.. woken up from his nap he was grinning and squinting up at his squabbling friends

and he chuckled as he watched u stand up and wrestle jeno for his phone to see the Photo

he was watching you chase chenle and renjun around the lawn, the two boys purposefully running slower to tease u

donghyuck sat down next to mark and put his head on his shoulder to mimic you from a few minutes ago

“oh you’re disgusting please go away.”

hyuck turned his head and batted his eyelashes up at mark who was still watching u with a dreamy smile

“you’re leaving soon, we just wanted to spend time with you before u abandon us”

mark laughed and told him he’s only graduating

but hyuck scowled and nudged mark with his elbow then gestured in your direction

“but you spend more time with her nowadays than you do with us”

mark let out a loud laugh and shook his head

“she’s my girlfriend.”

“so?”

“she’s my lover.”

“so??”

“she’s... everything to me.”

jisung, who was listening, gagged and haechan slapped mark’s tummy while hollering

and then u look over at them from the other side of the lawn, wondering why mark was lying on the floor again and why the other dreamies were surrounding him in a cultish circle

jeno and jaemin turned to face you with big chummy smiles on their faces and together they made heart arms at u

some other people on the lawn were beginning to stare and so u hide behind chenle bc renjun is too tiny

then jisung must’ve texted their group chat because renjun cackles and leads you back to the group

and u notice how bright mark’s face was which makes u blush like crazy as well

and even though stress from school, work and everything in general, was making u feel like a big and heavy raincloud

one look at mark lee made u feel like sunflowers and daisies

it totally didn’t help that when he’d look at you, the corners of his eyes would crinkle ever so slightly, and his eyes would shine with genuine adoration

and his cute little lips would stretch into the widest grin

uwu

and u bet the next batch of lyrics he gonna write is gonna be about you again!!

[lanamemories]

crash lands a giant animatronic john travolta (wild hogs era complete w a receding hairline n leather jacket) onto the dash n dismounts frm his back without any explanation as to my vehicle...... helo........ nw tht i’ve made the world’s most unsettling entrance i wil? introduce myself. i’m nai n i’m 23 n live in Manchestoh (typed w a fitting n blood curdlingly british accent). my pronouns r she/her n i currently want a pet baby yoda i can feed strawberries to n tuck into a tiny baby yoda sized bed. anyway. lana’s pinterest can b found HERE n more abt her is under the cut!!

KRISTINE FROSETH / CIS-FEMALE — don’t look now, but is that lana jameson i see? the 21 year old dance student is in their sophomore year and she is a rochester alum. i hear they can be exuberant, alluring, childish and impulsive, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet she will make a name for themselves living in murphy’s beach homes. ( nai. 23. gmt. she/her. )

aesthetics: scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out into a cold breeze in just spaghetti strapped silk, a red lightening stripe painted over your eye like a new take on the scarlet letter, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off the bruised cap, doodling penises in condensation instead of sitting still, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, playing where’s waldo with your lipstick in the crowd of a party and finding red smudges on at least six people’s mouths, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open.

BACKGROUND:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his rich best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n victoria ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him. jst a leetle bit Fractured in its intentions.

anyway so jameson records repped a few big rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. rly troubled characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was kind of an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana asked her why shes so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door

(dissociation tw) bc of this growing up lana adopted this weird like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w noone acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. hes the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her in the zoo they called a home n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door n was always over bc he had very strict parents including a military father tht he found suffocating)

SO when caleb n tommy announced tht they’d signed up to the army lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving bt she tried not to b mad at them n made them promise theyd b safe n back as soon as possible. she even asked if they cld somehow take her w them n they were jst like :/ it doesn’t work that way luv x

(death tw, ptsd tw, grief tw, trauma tw, hospitalisation tw, drugs tw) anyway caleb ended up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed tommy die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home sans tommy bt he was never the same after tht. he’s been in and out of hospital twice nw n he’s currently dipped off the radar after starting to use. lana kind of felt like two of her brothers died out there in a way n jst like tht it wasn’t them vs the world any mre, it was jst her. she doesn’t talk abt this tho. when she feels the urge to cry she usually jst smiles

ANYWAY whew tht rly…. took a dark turn there….. chuckles nervously at hw sad lana’s life is bt it’s fine it’s all fINE!!!!!!! ok. so on a mre lighthearted note the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

(trauma tw) after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of… almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) a mre recent point of history is her involvement w danny nielsen (an evil npc of mine who is possibly the antichrist??? pending investigation). he attended lockwood n lived in a house w a group of other guys. it wsn’t a registered frat bt he essentially…ran it like one it ws kind of a weird set-up where he ws the King Of The Roost. essentially he found out tht lana n zeke van doren (full name it’s official business Babey) slept together n he ended up beating him to near death in front of her bc his pride ws rly bruised since they were meant to be dating (if u can call it tht bc danny’s idea of dating is very Warped). ANYWAY he ws found guilty n sent dwn bt the trial ws only recent so. it was just intense all around. crosses my fingers across my chest to ward off his Evil

PERSONALITY:

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character n she like. deliberately puts tht on sort of. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

PLOTS:

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. worlds our oyster fellas!

[mischievousmarvelousmagical-blog]

oh, tall is the tale of the mischievous one / who fished out all the islands and captured the sun / his deeds and tasks i will unmask / so that you'll understand / that before there was a clark kent / there was a hawaiian superman

Archetype — The Hero Birthday — February 14, 1997 Zodiac Sign — Aquarius MBTI — ENFP Enneagram — Type 2: The Helper Temperament — Sanguine Hogwarts House — Hufflelin Moral Alignment — Chaotic Good Primary Vice — Pride Primary Virtue — Patience Element — Water

[tw brief mention of abuse]

Overview:

Mother — Kai Akalana (nee Hale) Father — Lani Akalana Mother’s Occupation — Waitress/singer-entertainer Father’s Occupation — Fisherman Family Finances — Poor Birth Order — Youngest Brothers —  Malo (28) the Serious One, Mana (26) the Sporty One, Moke (24) the Smart One, Mele (22) the Soft One Sisters — sisters-in-law Other Close Family — Alani (27, sister-in-law, Malo’s wife), Gabrielle (10, niece, Malo and Alani’s daughter), Sailor (7, nephew, Malo and Alani’s son); Hayley (25, sister-in-law, Mana’s wife), Jasper (4, nephew, Mana and Hayley’s son); Odelia (23, sister-in-law, Moke’s wife); Fawn (2, niece, Moke and Odelia’s daughter). Best Friend — Celia Gorgon Other Friends — Lymantria Khan, Periwinkle Frostbrittle, Annette Grant why are all of these women? Dipper Pines and Kovu Sauda his roomiesss -- also a lot of OCs tbh Enemies — uhh bad guys Pets — None D: but he totally wants one Home Life During Childhood — Hard and busy; Maui usually got up at the crack of dawn to go out on the fishing boat for a few hours before school. His father was a very stern man and he and his father had a lot of conflict. His mother is a delicate lil lady and his father was often mean to her and Maui hated it. Also all his brothers picked on him for being scrawny. Town or City Name(s) — Hana, Maui; Hawa’ii What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — He shared with Mele, it was always messy. Painted blue but very sparse because they couldn’t afford lots. They had bunkbeds. Maui had the top. Rotated sleeping on the couch tho bc there were only four beds. Any Sports or Clubs — He reallyyyy wanted to be on the soccer team, but he was too busy with fishing and helping out at the restaurant and his father wouldn’t let him. Favorite Toy or Game — He like to play pranks on people. (I’m terrible at coming up w pranks so pretend I listed a few good ones). Schooling — His father didn’t hold school in very high regard so Maui dropped out when he was sixteen to work on the fishing boats. Favorite Subject — uhhh none of them tbh Popular or Loner — Kind of in the middle. Everyone knew who he was and he could flit from friend group to friend group but he never had any close friends Important Experiences or Events — Becoming Maui, when his father told him that he had to quit school in order to help out, one time his dad hit his mom that was p traumatizing Nationality — Hawaiian (American, he guesses.) Culture — Polynesian Religion and beliefs — pretty agnostic, but likes the old legends

Physical Appearance

Face Claim —  Bob Morley Complexion — He still gets the stray pimple every now and then but all that salt water was A+ for his skin. He’s got lotsa freckles on his nose and cheeks. Nice tanned skin. Hair Colour — Black Eye Colour — Brown Height — 5’10 Build — broad shoulders, def more upper body strength than lower but all around rather fit, on the shorter side but holds himself well Tattoos — MAUI written on the inside of his right forearm. One that completely covers his shoulder with an intricate combination of music notes, fish hooks, shark’s teeth, and enata (or people). He also had artistic representation of waves and wind as a band around his left ankle. He also has a little cat that moves around his body, but generally likes to curl up in the crook of one of his collar bones. Piercings — none Common Hairstyle — Floppy and messy. Maui never brushes his hair so it’s just a tangled curly mess and tbh Celia probably has to trim it so it stays outta his eyes otherwise he never would. Clothing Style — jeans + t-shirt + sneakers bam Mannerisms — talks with his hands a lot, is literally always smiling, gets fidgety when he’s thinking a lot or is nervous Usual Expression —

Health

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — he’s pretty healthy, tho he gets colds in the winter bc he’s not used to the cold Physical Ailments — fit as a fiddle Neurological Conditions — tbh maui is probably one of my most mentally healthy (don’t mean he’s right in the head tho hehe) Allergies —  none! Grooming Habits — he’s a typical boy. He showers...sometimes. Like every other day, maybe every day ehhh. Does laundry when Absolutely Necessary. Sleeping Habits — sleeps like a goddamn rock. Goes to bed late, wakes up early, but he can go back to sleep sometimes and then he’ll like sleep all day Eating Habits — will eat anything and everything in sight. I don’t think there is a food he doesn’t like Exercise Habits —  Maui swims--a lot. If it is cold he goes to the pool at the gym. He also jogs, lifts weights, tries to stay generally fit, but he’s also pretty naturally fit. Emotional Stability — honestly?? Maui is so stable?? Emotionally? He has a lot of growing to do, but he doesn’t fight it really, and though he isn’t always true to the emotions he’s feeling, he can recognize them. He’s got a lot of toxic masculinity but that is really the only thing super holding him back. Oh, and his narcissism probably (which is kinda fake anyway) Body Temperature — He runs pretty warm but when it is cold outside, so is he. Sociability — Maui is really extroverted, and he can also adapt to almost any situation. His ultimate goal is for people to like him, which means he always does his best to get people to like him. Addictions — none tbh Drug Use — he actually doesn’t do drugs (used to smoke pot on the rare occasion but lowkey he was too afraid of if his dad found out.) He will smoke a lil weed on a v rare occasion. Alcohol Use — He drinks at parties and he can get pretty drunk, but he rarely drinks otherwise and is pretty responsible tbh

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — the fact he’s narcissistic. Also he puts a lot of pressure on himself. Can sometimes not think before he speaks and tease people who shouldn’t be teased and then hurt their feelings. He can be a bit brash, but endearingly so, for the most part. Good Habits — tries to take care of people, takes good care of his body. Best Characteristic — his friendliness! Worst Characteristic — his #fakeness Worst Memory — honestly?? Winning the maui competition, he carries a lot of guilt. Best Memory — ...winning the maui competition. Look it is complicated. Proud of — being Maui Embarrassed by — the fact he literally is the worst Maui ever Driving Style — actually Maui is a really good driver, if not a bit of a speed demon. Strong Points — the fact he is able to manipulate himself to suit people’s needs Temperament — the chillest. It is really hard to rile him up and make him mad. Almost too chill Attitude — friendly! Weakness — his secrets and crippling self doubt lol Fears — that people will know he’s fake and he can’t help them Phobias — doesn’t have any Secrets — that he cheated to win the Maui competition Regrets — cheating to win the Maui competition lol Feels Vulnerable When — he actually emotionally connects w someone lol Pet Peeves — people who aren’t willing to help themselves/people that give up Conflicts — wanting to be the Best Maui Ever while also knowing he cheated and is the Worst Maui Ever Motivation — to live up to the name of Maui; for people to like him Short Term Goals and Hopes — to help people! Long Term Goals and Hopes — to be the Best Maui Ever Sexuality — why is this here??? He is straight lmao Day or Night Person — day tbh Introvert or Extrovert — extrovert Optimist or Pessimist — uhhhh an optimistic pessimist? idk

Likes and Styles:

Music — he likes lots of stuff, kind of alt rock--but also lots of hawaiian music. Some oldies. Everyone likes the beach boys. Also loves stuff he can dance to! Books — maui lowkey does not have great reading comprehension so he doesn’t read for fun really Magazines — ones that he’s in Foods — all foods but he lovesss fresh fruit Drinks — anything really tbh but he’s gotten real turned onto hot chocolate in the winter Animals — anything aquatic really but his fave is probably iguanas. Sports — all sports! Soccer is his fave tho Social Issues — maui is...learning. I would love for him to like become a feminist but he’s a long way away. Though he is p aware of like--POC issues, since he comes from a marginalized community that is like used for their culture to up tourism and is considered ~~exotic Favorite Saying — “A ship is safe at harbor, but that’s not what it was built for.” Color — Blue! Clothing — typical boy, normally just a t-shirt/jeans Jewelry — none really tho he has some wooden bracelets he wears Games — maui doesn’t game a lot Websites — or surf the web unless it is to google himself lmao TV Shows — eh, he doesn’t watch tv a whole lot Movies — again, doesn’t watch a lot but prolly likes action films Greatest Want — to be needed; to help people Greatest Need — to realize he’s fine just the way he is /pets

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — Room 421 on PrideU’s campus. Roommate: Dipper Pines. Flatmates: Kovu Sauda and Declan Craig. Household furnishings — typical dorm stuff Favorite Possession — his hook! Most Cherished Possession — also his hook lol Neighborhood — lives on campus Town or City Name — Swynlake Details of Town or City — small town; magick-friendly etc Married Before — nope Significant Other Before — has never rly dated Children — lol no Relationship with Family — despite the fact his brothers and him fight all the time, he really loves his brothers and is pretty close to them. Is definitely a mama’s boy as the baby of the family. Has a tense relationship with his dad. He also loves his nieces and nephews. SO. MUCH. Car — he had a jeep back home that he shared with Mele and his mom. He misses his car Career — ...a demigod? Dream Career — a demigod. Dream Life — being the Best Maui Ever Love Life — has lots of hook ups, he is satisfied with this Talents or Skills — is a great swimmer Intelligence Level — he’s actually really smart despite not being book savvy Finances — he’s got a stipend for being Maui, but he still has to be careful in order to make ends meet. His family is very poor, but is now being taken care of

Your Character’s Life Before Your Story:

Past Careers — worked on fishing boats/sometimes as a busboy at the restaurant his mom works at Past Lovers — a couple girls, but not that many, no serious relationships Biggest Mistakes — cheating and being a general shit Biggest Achievements — becoming Maui!

[otogikun]

RFA + Saeran find out MC smokes

So, quite a lot (a lot for me at least thaaaanks for thaaat :^) ) people seemed to enjoy my last headcanon (RFA + Saeran are watching a horror - movie with MC ) so i decided to make another one! i rly hope no one minds that P.S. btw, i’m totally out of ideas right now, so if you have any great ideas, feel free to share them! (i mean only if you want to of course) i would be happy to hear them c: •Yoosung  - Something weird is going on  - You look really pale most of the time  - And for some reason you started to carry chew-gum  - It looks like you try really hard to hide something  - So one day he comes a bit earlier from work  - “What’s this?”  - He trembles as he openes the little white box, that he found lying on the couch  - ...  - Someone is going to get a lecture this evening  - Well, at least you don’t have to hide it now  - He always starts to nag at you when you smoke near him  - But you know that he just really worries about you  - You tried to explain that it’s the same bad habit as his gaming one  - Well first of all it isn’t a bad habit second of all it isn’t a habit at all!  - Yeah more of an addiction  - So you made a bet  - Who can get rid if their addiction first  - And ironically enough  - You won  - And somehow he was really happy about it  •Zen  - Rehearsal were cancelled today  - So he was early home this time  - As he came in, he saw you standing at the balcony  - You were moving your hand to your mouth back and forth  - He was really surprised  - “MC?”  - You turned around  - Something tiny and white fell from your fingers  - He came up to you and picked the cigarette that fell down - “Are those mine?”  - You were so surprised you couldn’t answer  - Is he mad?  - Is he disappointed?  - You couldn’t tell so you just stood there, surprised  - But he just smiled at you warmly  - “And i was wondering where they were vanishing”  - What?  - “Y... You are not mad at me?”  - He looked at you questioningly  -”Why would i?”  - Silence.  - “But i will hide my cigs better next time”  - You laughed unwillingly  - You always steal each others cigs as revenge, which is somehow cute  - Zen struggles so much between the nice evenings where you two smoke on the balcony and talk about life  - And your health  - So although he really enjoys the time he gets to spend with you  - He still wants you to quit and really worries about you 

•Jaehee - Jumin gave her a longer break this time (Thanks Jumin) - So she, no surprise, decided to go home, and enjoy her little time with you - As she stepped inside, she heard you sharing a conversation with someone over the phone - So she decided, to not greet you, since she didn’t want to interrupt you (so respectful *0* ) - Instead, she just silently walked towards the sound source - As she entered the kitchen, she stopped - She gazed, how you extinguished the cigarette - It was like lightning hitting her body - You were just about to hang up, when you spotted her - ... - Let me tell you something - Being lectured by Jaehee is the worst - Because you literally burn - With shame - Jaehee wasn’t angry - Or mad - Not at all - She was schocked - For how long? - And why did you keep it a secret? - So many questions - Whenever you want to smoke, she takes your hands and makes a really sad face - “Do you really have to?” - It is really hard to resist Jaehee’s sad face - Really hard - So you quited after two weeks - Jaehee is a genius (or a wizard, we’ll never know) •Jumin - Someone had a really boring meeting - So boring, that this particular “someone” decided to shamelessly escape home to spend his precious time with precious you - He steps inside the flat - The atmosphere feels really dull, too - As he hangs his coat on the hanger, he notices something white and tiny sticks out of your pocket - He didn’t pay attention to it - Sounds of poundin water reached the kitchen, where Jumin poured himself some wine and made himself comfortable - He was tired. - The pounding water sounds suddenly stopped. - It seems you are coming out of the shower. - He just sat back and waited for you to notice - You entered the kitchen with a tiny white box in your left hand, while your right was nervously looking for something in your phone - You didn’t really notice the “refugee” - You also seemed quite stressed - You headed to the balcony, putting your phone next to your ear, while your other hand opened the tiny box - Something white flashed between your teeth. - Could that be... - Jumins expression changed just for a second. - But it expressed nearly everything he felt the second he saw MC holding a cigarette - And it was not pleasing at all. - Your voice ripped him from his thoughts - It seems you are arguing with someone over the phone - He waited patiently - You turned around. Looks like you were about to finish the conversation. Good. - You lifted your head and noticed, that you were not alone all along - It hit you like lightning - You cried out. Silence - It was so silent - Even from that long distance Jumin could hear the cigarette faling down on the cold floor. - He stood up - “Well that was taking a while. I started wondering when you would finish” - You tried squeezing words out of you. Failure. - “You know for sure, that you shouldn’t do this. It hurts your health” - Your voice. It’s gone. Why is it not there? - Jumin left the room __________________________________________ Author’s note: uuuhhh i’m sorry for this ending i’m very unsatisfied too ; ____ ; It’s just that it was too long, but i checked it hundred times and i couldn’t find anything that i could cut or shorten and it was getting to long i’m so ssoooorrryyyy ; ___ ; i may write a potential sequel(?) to this one, since it’s basically a cliffhanger, or you might think of your own ending, feel also free to share it if you want to of course c: . okay, sorry, back to the HC __________________________________________ 707/ Saeyoung - He knew all along - Your pale face, the strange smell and how you suspiciously went out for 5 minutes - I mean c’mon he has Saeran, it’s really not that hard to spot the difference - It’s not that he didn’t care - In fact, it’s on the oposite - He was worried to bits - But he really didn’t know how to point that out - He didn’t want to pressure you, but the longer time he takes, the more you smoke and... - He felt horrible - But he knew he had to do something - The next day he spotted a tiny white and red box on the counter - “Huh?” - He took the box and read the thin black letters, written on top of it -”Marlboro” - Well, that was it - It was time to do it anyway - But there still might be hope, right? - Unwillingly, he lifted the top of the box, and found exactly what he expected to find, but nonetheless that was the last thing he wanted to see inside this box - Cigarettes - A grin suddenly took place on his face - You rounded the corner to grab the cigs from the counter - But it looks someone was one step ahead of you - He smiled softly “I guess it’s time to talk about this”

- Even though he smiled, it was the easiest thing to understand that he wasn’t happy at all - In fact, even the naivest person could understand how sad he was - You lowered your eyes and said you’re sorry for keeping that a secret - He took your hands - “I’m not angry. I was just wondering why you started in the first place” - You hesitated a little bit.You can’t keep it a secret forever. - You told him that you were stressed, but you didn’t want to bother him with your problems, since you knew he had his own - “MC” - You were about to say you’re sorry, but he interrupted you - “MC look at me” - You lifted your head - You thought he was gonna be angry or upset -But he looked rather worried - “Your problems wiil start bothering me, only when the stars vanish from the sky” - You haven’t noticed how a smile appeared on your face.

- Saeyoung is basically the embodiment of the word support - He always tries to cheer you up and always helps you with whatever it is - (Sometimes secretly hides your cigarettes and encourages you to quit) - When you’re spending time with him and you’re telling him you’re going out for a smoke - He gives it his best to convince you to stay with him - And holy guacamole that shit works every time - You quitted after a month •Unknown/Saeran - *Sigh* - Your day was tiring for real - No seriously you almost heard depression knockin on your door - Your hand dived in yor coat pocket, fishing out a tiny blue box and a red lighter -Finally. - You headed straight to the balcony - Reaching for the cigarette, you thought about Saeran - He promised you he would come a bit later home today -You felt ashamed for a second - You really hate keeping secrets from him, but just imagining him finding out makes you upset - “Oh, MC, you’re here! What are you doing here?” -Oh no. - You slowly turn around - He’s quite happy. - “I know i promised to be late, but things got settled down and --” - He went silent all of a sudden - It was silent for like three seconds, but it really seemed like an eternity - His expression changed - He seems really pissed - “What are you doing?!” - PanicPanicPanicPanic - He approached you and took the cigarette that you were holding in your hand - “Why are you doing this?” - You’re speechless. - “ It really hurts your health, you know? You shouldn’t be doing this!” - You tried to push words out of you, but it didn’t happen - “And what are THOSE cigarettes? You could’ve at least asked me for proper ones” - Wait a second what? - He took out a pink little box out of hic pocket and handed you a cigarette - You just gazed in amazement - “What are you looking at? Take it” - Oh, yeah. Right. - You mumbled a quick “thank you” and took the cigarette - You decided that you’re not gonna smoke it quite yet - So now you made a promise to him that you’re gonna smoke only his cigs - Which means you basically can smoke if he’s not agains it - But you’re fine with it, since you know that jellybean just worries about you - He even comes along occasionally - Oh look at that sweet thing. What is it? Is he having fun with you? - Still tho, he lets you smoke rarer and rarer, as time goes by - Eventually it becomes so rare that you accidentally quited - He’s really really happy about it - He’s actually smiling for the first time in a while! Good god i finally finished it. Really it took me so long to write this one, i’ve had it since november or something, but it was reaaly challenging and i reaaly had fun writing this one c: Sorry btw for this longass post but still tho i hoped you liked it (▔∀▔) It didn’t turn out as well as i wanted it to, this HC is actually more... emotinal and maybe a little depressive, and i’m not really good with stuff like that, but let’s say i tried ( ´ ω ` ) anyway, thanks for reading it till the end, i hope you enjoyed it!

[rainbowravioli]

the way yoi staff is either blind or just rly fucken stupid. ive seen a lot of written reasons why people love yoi, and yuuri's probably the biggest one. cuz yuuris anxious. stubborn. chubby (at the beginning). yet so relatable. having him not to win gold, and to lose to yurio is like slapping him into face with words "nice try, loser, but not enough." on the other hand, letting yurio win is also a crime. its like telling him: "u're a brat, but thats ok." not only it doesnt help him, (1)

it just absolutelly messes with his character. and hes not even happy with gold. cant see how rude he will be in 2nd season. now, yurios cool. in his own twisted way. & breaking the cliché "the main character always wins" may look nice, but in the end its just N.O.N.S.E.N.S.E. yuuris favourite of reasons. of good reasons. some relate to him thanks to chubbiness, others due to anxiety. but hes not normal character. hes complex, yet so relatable. rly nice to see such a character like him. (2) thats why not letting him win is a big slap to the face. and dat character mess in last episode? (last only. ep 11 still made sense with characters, while the narrative was slowly destroyed [dem scores] - then in ep 12, the story made no fucken sense). there was anon who wrote to soobaki&you, the one with autism. i can feel their rage and disappointment in show. yuuris one of few reasons i still care bout the show. others are victor (they gonna fuck him up, save him), other characters (3) and their development (are they gonna defend yurio's behavior. i wanna kick his ass - i don't care if he has tragic backstory, thats no excuse for such a behavior hes doing). also, can they treat chris like person and not sex symbol. u just gotta have feeling staff loves yurio more and ignore yuuri. sometimes i wonder if they despite yuuri cuz of his "glass heart" (such a shitty name for his personality). also, the behavior to victor? asses, give him to me and ill write him a proper story. (4) i relate to yuuri way too much, too. imma not kiddin', when finale happened & i figured out what was goin' on, my school marks just dropped down. people may laugh at me, but when u still have the message "nice try, try again" in ur head, people cant expect ull be doing excellent. & the fanon theories? vic cant do the dishes? bitch, ive been taking care of myself from young age & never had a problem doin' dishes (i do live w parents, but they kicked me to care bout myself pretty early). (5) cooking meals isnt my strongest thing, but i can prepare smth for myself to not die from hunger. dissing vic's character like dat? fight me, assholes. hes not like that. "hes an alien" thing? someone fucked up, can u feel it. btw, sorry for long message. you probably have tons of asks rn. let yoself rest too. peace~ (6)

You guys never have to apologize for long messages. I’m always very happy you want to talk to me. Also, yes, entrust me with your anger and salt! I’m here for you guys. 

I’m always here for Yuuri appreciation and Victor defense squad so let’s get to it. 

Like I mentioned here (x), Yuuri is one of the big reasons YoI works and achieved the popularity it did. Seriously, go look at positive reviews of YoI. Even in short ones, they usually take the time to specifically point out Yuuri as being an excellent character and protagonist. And he is. He’s a huge part of the initial appeal of the series and of what distinguishes YoI as something new and original.

Yuri on Ice is an adult story. Yuuri is not the typical sports anime protagonists who is a teenager still learning the sport and wanting to make it to the big competition for the first time, who has to learn about teamwork and friendship and is still growing up. No, Yuuri did all that already. He’s an adult, he’s the top male figure skater in Japan, he is in the middle of his career and it suddenly goes terribly for him. Yuuri is emotional, he has weight problems, he suffers from anxiety and a deep imposter syndrome that makes him an unreliable narrator, but he’s also determined and stubborn and he hates to lose. And he’s an adult who is facing the lowest point of his career and having to find the strength in himself and his support system to move forward. He’s complex, nuanced, flawed and very realistic. Many people can relate to him or identify him as someone they could easily know in real life. The audience wants Yuuri to succeed and to finally believe in himself and prove his self-worth to the world.

Aaaaaand that’s one of the reasons why episode 12 doesn’t work. There’s really no reason to have Yuuri lose, especially when we are told and shown throughout the series that he always had the ability, he only lacked the confidence. Having a consistent build up to Yuuri winning gold at the GPF only to have him lose is not edgy, or clever, or “realistic” (x) (if I have to hear this argument one more time I’m going to set something on fire). Breaking the “cliché” does not make for quality writing. It’s particularly baffling in a series like YoI that managed to consistently surprise the audience in ways that added to the narrative and made sense, like the brilliantly executed plot twist of last year’s banquet.

Thing is, in the case of YoI, Yuuri losing is not even breaking the cliché because Yuuri’s entire story and journey doesn’t adhere to typical sports anime conventions to start with. Having him lose to Yurio is particularly insulting. Not only does it justify every single one of Yuuri’s earlier fears and doubts but it completely turns the story’s themes and meaning on its head. Yurio is a brash teenage genius who has been a prodigy since he was young, starts the series already believing he is better than anyone and then he proves it by shedding his entire identity for better scores (and developing super powers in the last episodes). Did Yurio learn anything? No, other than having his terrible behaviour justified. Hell, he’s even unhappy with his result because Yuuri beat his FS score, how dare he. Did Yuuri learn or gain anything? No, just that even while trying his hardest and battling through his anxiety he’s still just not good enough. Genius > hard work.

It’s weird and concerning how the staff has been acting and talking about the characters post finale. Sometimes it feels like they just wanted to make Yurio the protagonist but were aware he would never have been able to carry the story properly (YoI wouldn’t be even a quarter as popular as it is now if it had been Yurio on Ice, fight me). I just want them to treat Yuuri like the protagonist he is and, while we’re at it, shower him in the same level of love and attention they are giving Yurio. I anxiously await for season 2...they better compensate Yuuri. RIP Victor though. Poor dear, he also deserved much better and was completely screwed over. I swear, it’s like episode 10 never happened.

imma not kiddin', when finale happened & i figured out what was goin' on, my school marks just dropped down. people may laugh at me, but when u still have the message "nice try, try again" in ur head, people cant expect ull be doing excellent

There’s nothing laughable about fiction touching us deeply like that. *hug* I hope you’re doing better now. I understand. I...was kind of in a deep sad daze for a good while after the finale. It felt like betrayal. Specifically 12 because I was not panicking after 11. Episode 11 still makes sense. I just avoid it now because in retrospect it was the beginning of the end *sigh*

As for fanon interpretations. I can’t with Victor and the dishes! He’s an adult, he can take care of himself. I don’t understand why people think it’s cute or charming to portray him as some kind of human disaster who has only survived without “housewife” Yuuri so far by ways of a miracle. I also can’t with Victor having no impulse control and Yuuri having to keep him in check when in canon that’s Yuuri! Yuuri is the impulsive one. Victor is actually a much more controlled and thoughtful character than people give him credit for. Also Yuuri being serious and cold towards Victor and constantly threatening divorced (though with some of the things people have fanon Victor do, I can understand where the divorce comes from). Oh and any of them preferring the other’s merchandise over the real person. That’s not cute. And this doesn’t even cover all my fanon problems but good God. What’s the appeal of taking a healthy, loving, equal relationship and twisting it into that?

As for “alien” Victor...well Kubo is partially at fault for that one, isn’t she? But fandom just went with it. And it bothers me because it dehumanizes him. I feel like many people just don’t care to understand his character at all and just have him be this ~wacky random guy who is so mysterious and incomprehensible in his actions~. Victor deserves better. Time to pull out that badge again. 

[iamsarsa]

Selphie headcanons

What does their bedroom look like? Selphie’s current apartment in Ul’dah is pretty messy. Books strewn about, bottles of gysahl wine *everywhere*. Papers scattered. She does like having art on the walls - and also a giant moogle statue that she stole “just cos.” She basically uses her apartment to sometimes sleep in, mostly just to store loot she does not currently need. Her Inn room however at the Forgotten Knight is pretty clean. Just the few essentials she needs. When Haurchefant was alive and would visit her, she would attempt to make it more “home-y” which led to her odd obsession of always having flowers and other weird objects she thought made a place a “home” 

Do they have any daily rituals? She bathes without fail, every morning. As soon as she gets up. Does not matter where she is, she will find someplace to clean herself. She does not like to be dirty! (This extends to her eating habits - for being such a boisterous person, she eats very daintily) I wouldn’t say this is daily, but it’s definitely a ritual habit she does every few days (she doesn’t go more then 2 days), in that she will usually make her way to Haurchefant’s memorial spot and sit there for a few hours.

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often? Haurchefant got her into exercising and before his death she would do squats/running with him, (occasionally he could convince her to do more, and regretted it almost immediately when she pushed herself too hard to do more push ups then him.) She still does this, but not quite as often 

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy? Just go eat somewhere, she doesn’t cook very often to begin with so she has no problem eating out at inns.

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.) Her apartment is a mess, mainly because she uses it as a dumping place for any spare loot she does not need. Personally she’s very clean, always taking baths, even when she was still a rogue on the street - she would single out noble’s apartments where she knew they would be gone for a while so she could use their shower and steal their things. She heavily dislikes being dirty in any sense. After any serious battle where she gets extra grimy, she will just go and soak in a bath for hours if allowed. 

Eating habits and sample daily menu Answered

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time gold saucer, and just in general fucking with rich people. Sometimes when she wants to be alone she’ll just go on walks by herself and sit/lay down underneath the sun. She doesn’t like to waste time perse, as she is always sort of kind of on the run, she likes to keep busy, but she considers everything she does to have a reason behind it, even if it wasting time.

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging Alcohol and sweets. Her favorite drink is Gysahl wine and will FIGHT anyone for it she does not care. She feels anybody should be allowed to indulge so long as it doesn’t get out of hand (as it does with nobles.) If you work hard - it’s good to indulge. And just because you may be poor doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the right too.

Makeup? Not really. Maybe a little bit, and she would certainly dress up and wear make up if she needed too to infiltrate the nobles. but for the most part, no.

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such? She is neurotic about making sure 129A is safe, and can blend in with Eorzeans. To the point where people are like “you’re making up really dumb plans because you’re freaking out.”  Also again, the cleanliness thing. 

Intellectual pursuits? Eh, she’s fairly smart already due to her clone nature. However most of the knowledge given to her was obviously battle related and mostly related to Garlean history. So she enjoys learning about the other City-States, the history of Ul’dah, Limsa, Gridania, etc. She studied Ishgard heavily when she met and fell in love with Haurchefant (becoming slowly angrier and angrier at the injustice on the lower class.) She also has a slight interest in Allagan history, considering what she is and how she was made, but is hesitant to learn more.

Favorite book genre? History. and Romance. She’s a sucker for crappy cheap romance novels, and will absolutely 100% read pervy ones as well. 

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general? I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I don’t think Selphie really cares either way. However, she only really becomes sexual with those she truly loves and cares deeply for. So I guess demisexual, but it really does not matter what parts there are. If you manage to get her to love you, she’s open and willing. 

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.) Her lavender hair has white streaks, and her... i wanna say it’s right i can’t remember off the top of my head, her right eye is white. As a clone made via Allagan technology, her body is subsisted by aether - a lack of aether will cause her to become ill, memory loss, and the gradual lack of her own personality - she would eventually become nothing more then a doll. When she was still held by the Garleans, they gave her regular aether treatments as she was the prototype and they did not yet know how to create a clone body capable of simply syphoning off aether in the world. (This was fixed with 129A’s model class.) She has to regularly inject herself with aether treatments to stave off any side effects (which she genuinely hates) She claims to be allergic to ALL vegetables but this is a lie and she just hates eating them.

Biggest and smallest short term goal? biggest: not being captured by Garleans, smallest: get a decent nights rest for once.

Biggest and smallest long term goal? Biggest: not dying amid the chaos. smallest: be as proficient with her fists as she is with daggers. (aka be as good a monk as she is a ninja)

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress She typically favors tight fitting clothes, that are easy for her to move around in. Often shorts, thigh high boots to run in and the Arachne Shirt of Scouting. She has tried to wear this same outfit in Coerthas/Ishgard, and to a certain extent *can* (her body can withstand quite a bit, but she still feels cold and doesnt like the feeling. That and Haurchefant insisted she wear something warmer and she begrudgingly accepted.)She can, and does dress up to infilitrate noble events, although 9/10 she feels uncomfortable in all of it. She does enjoy wearing the Scion top that Tataru had made her, and often wears it to any meetings she may have with the Scions, or if she needs to meet anyone on behalf of the Scions.  She doesn’t really have any “rituals” other then again, she cleans her clothes pretty often, more often then most rogues from the street would. She does have a necklace she never takes off, from Haurchefant. She hides it so no one can see it, to deter thiefs/it breaking off/people asking about it. 

Favorite beverage? Gysahl Wine. She has a stockpile where ever she is staying (a larger one at her apt in Ul’dah) and always has a flask of it on her.

What do they think about before falling asleep at night? Haurchefant, Aea, what she’s going to do next, how best to protect everyone. she’s a night owl to begin with (obviously, thief.) so when she does lay down to go to bed, her anxieties keep her up even more.

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them? No, as she was never a child.

Turn-ons? Turn-offs? She hates nobility, (she is grudgingly nice to Haurchefant’s father if only because Haurchefant loves him, she is indifferent towards his brothers, although she warms up to them after his death.), so don’t even try hittin her up if u a rich asshole. Being dirty even in the slightest. Turn on - idk i havent rly thought about this LOL

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen? Answered

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life? She’s not really organized at all. She keeps track of things in her head, nearly always refuses to write things down. She’s fairly good at this, she has a good memory. but there are times where she forgets where she needs to be, or where something is. 

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all? As stated above she does love history - while her Garlean history knowledge was implanted in her as a clone, she strives to learn about Eorzea and would rather forget the Garlean crap.

How do they see themselves 5 years from today? She just hopes she’s not dead or alone.

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout? Her plan was to disappear and let people fill in the blanks, hopefully presuming she was killed. However she was convinced that was a dumb idea and would do absolutely nothing. Her current plan is to just try and hope for the best as she continues to help the Scions. 

What is their biggest regret? Being unable to save Haurchefant and then Aea. There’s not a day that goes by that she doesn’t think “well what if i...” 

Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy? The now... deceased Aea. While she attempts to consider 129A her best friend, she knows its not quite the same as the Aea who knew her like the back of her hand. Enemy - the Garleans.

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?) She’d probably be able to, surprisingly, calmly assess the situation and deal with it accordingly. She does well in these situations where there’s no immediate danger to her or the people she cares about, however in the case of the below....

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies) She can’t handle it. As evidenced by Haurchefant and then Aea’s death. Aea had to essentially pull her away from Haurchefant’s body as Selphie could barely move, let alone speak. After a few moments of having been pulled away, and being eerily silent she instantly switched and had to be physically restrained because of how angry she became. She basically loses all control of her emotions. When Aea died, it felt like all time had simply stopped for her. Because she had to quickly escape to not die herself, she didnt quite have the time to react the same way she did with Haurchefant. But as soon as she was safe and away, she quickly lost control, but couldn’t bring herself to harm 129A, she just ended up angrily punching the ground before collapsing into tears.

Most prized possession? Most likely her necklace from Haurchefant. And all her alcohol.

Thoughts on material possessions in general? She doesn’t mind them, she knows the comfort that material possessions can give - but she doesn’t think it should be the life long pursuit. 

Concept of home and family? She considered home to be where she and Aea could sleep and be safe. When Haurchefant was alive, she considered the Inn room at the Forgotten Knight that they shared to be a “home” She basically considers home to be wherever the people she loves are at.  Her only family is Aea/129A and begrudingly Kuj’a. but she also believes that a family is one that you make - doesn’t need to be blood. 

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?) She’s a private person about her specific past - she’s tight lipped about where she came from. who she really is etc. But everything else? She is the BIGGEST blabbermouth. She does not care. Do not tell her that you started hooking up with so and so she will get drunk and loudly tell you how proud she is. When she and Haurchefant first got together, they had a drink at the Forgotten Knight and she spent 30 minutes telling everyone how much she loved him and in what WAYS she loved him. She once couldn’t help it and straight up told a noble in Ul’dah who was whining about a recent robbery that she was the one responsible. Honestly it’s a wonder she hasn’t been caught by guards because she quite frankly, does not care.

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time? She doesn’t really consider anything she does a waste of time... everything she does has a purpose even if it’s relaxing. 

What makes them feel guilty? The deaths of Haurchefant and Aea.

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making? She’s both. She usually does take fighting pretty seriously, and in  heavy serious battle with no emotional connection to her, she’s able to make pretty quick-thinking logical decisions thanks to her programming as a clone. However... she is also pretty impatient and has been known to just run into battles because of greed. (See: Aurum Vale when she thought Goldvine was actual gold.)  When it comes to personal decisions she is 100% emotional. She will not think things through. See - her straight up flying into a rage when confronting Ser Zephirin to kill him for killing Haurchefant, without thinking “hm maybe i should think of a strategy before i get myself killed.” no she just straight up tries to brawl and stab him in anyway possible. When it came down to protecting the Scions, and trying to make sure nobody would get hurt due to her connection the Garleans, she did not go about that logically either, thus coming up with the dumb idea to fake her death.

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality? I would say Type B, while she is rather competitive, if she does end up losing she’ll just kind of brush it off and be like “yeah okay whatever...” she may sulk, but it doesn’t stress her out. The competition itself is what excites her.

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained? Going on a good robbing spree of nobles in either Ul’dah or Ishgard.

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither? Naw, Selphie can be pretty conceited but she doesn’t think she’s better then anyone else. (Other then nobles)

How misanthropic are they? Not at all, she enjoys being around others.

Hobbies? Answered.

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education? No formal eductation unless you count things being programmed into her during the cloning process. Everything else is is self taught from living on the streets. While she was able to be self taught, she realizes she had the headstart of being a highly capable clone created using Allagan tech. So she believes everyone should have the chance to have proper formal teaching.

Religion? She believes in the Twelve/Hydaelyn same as anyone else. Obviously moreso as the Warrior of Light. She does have a certain love/hate relationship with it because as a clone she wonders if she’s even really a person. (Much to Thancred’s annoyance because why the hell would Hydaelyn choose her as a Warrior of Light if she wasn’t!!!) Her birth deity is Rhalgr, 

Superstitions or views on the occult? Not really. She does try and stay away from darker magic and arcane arts of Thaumaturgey and black magic as it kind of skeeves her out. 

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds? Deeds absolutely. She rarely if ever will tell someone she actually enjoys them or likes them. If she’s nice to you - she likes you. She rarely outwardly told Haurchefant she loved him (often times would just sort of hide her face in him and mumble it into his chest) but he quickly figured out the quirks she had that meant “i love you”

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal? Haurchefant. LOL. No but he really was the ideal person for in that he believed in her, but he was also a very calming presence that was able to handle her nonsense. Thancred believes in her as well, but he’s not quite as calm and collected as Haurchefant could be, although she loves him all the same - it just means he’s less able to keep Selphie under control when she’s acting out of line. (And with the original Aea gone as well, yeah Selphie is not quite kept as under control as she should be.)

How do they express love? Little things like “did you sleep? did you eat?” she’d often bring snacks to Camp Dragonhead for Haurchefant. (Insisting that they were just “extras she had.”) She is also a very touchy-feely person to those she loves.. She won’t say I love you, but she’ll hug the moment she sees the person she loves and at night time she’ll curl alongside them and won’t let them go. It’s a pretty obvious thing because for the most part, she doesn’t like touching people. She gets put off by other people hugging her, or trying to shake her hand or whatever. But if she loves you, she wants to feel you. There were plenty of times Haurchefant would wake up in the morning to leave, only to find a Selphie clinging onto him still fast asleep.  When she does say “I love you” she almost always mumbles it and gets embarrassed. 

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like? She does have pug/monk training, she’s pretty skilled. She learned how to fight mainly on the streets though, so she can be vicious and sometimes sloppy. 

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not? Answered