#had a lot of fun yesterday im always happy to see my friends

[problemcore]

shadow the hedgehog plushy has been put in the freezer three (3) times total

[year2000electronics]

wow. four years old huh. i'll keep this part short but sappy rant under the readmore! happy four years!!

it feels like just yesterday when i watched this series on a whim because my friend kept making jokes about my ocs with hlvrai quotes and then it was so funny and engaging that it pulled me out of a months-long depressive slump... feels like just yesterday that my work was finally being seen by people, yesterday that the summer of 2020 was one of the most interesting summers ive ever had, yesterday when the 2020-2021 school year ended up being one of the most difficult times of my life and hlvrai really helped me get through it. without exaggeration this series has changed my life

yeah we all may have had ups and downs, like a LOT of downs, but ill always consider hlvrai to be very special to me, not just because i love it but because it represents so many good things to me: friends joking around having fun, friends carrying their past experiences with them (gmod rping, an affinity for extensively-planned bits, jokes that could ONLY be made by rtvs with each other, you get it), and how the best things often come from happy accidents, from people who DARE to CARE, because hlvrai is good because theyre not afraid to be silly! theyre not afraid to be stupid and sincere and ridiculous!!

and the most inspiring part to me has always been that hlvrai wasnt made to chase any trends. it didnt come in the wake of anything, it was made, and then after it was made, rtvs pretty obviously made it clear that they wouldnt let their lightning-in-a-bottle series box them in. like everyone on the team is very strongly against ppl being parasocial to them, they dont let people beg them for the funny half life info and references, all that. as a creator its cool to see people doing what they love and not succumbing to any pressure algorithmically or otherwise, especially during the lockdowns, when a lot of other streamer-based fandoms cropped up that had a VERY big 'encouraging being parasocial' problem. its always been nice to have a web series thats just one of many awesome things rtvs has done

hlvrai was everything i could have ever asked for and more, and me myself i was perfectly content with just having the standalone series forever, because sometimes a standalone thing is all you need. but with hlage, bbvrai, and hl2vrai being announced, im still so happy to be here and so happy that i get to keep enjoying one of my favourite pieces of media <3

[vivgst]

Hey this is my first time doing an anonymous post but I just wanted to ask if you could maybe do like a fic where Valeria and reader are like friends with benefits but kinda have a tough and hateful love with eachother and sex too lolll

Heyyyy<3333 Dw, Im kinda new too, yesterday I was gonna answer one and I ended up deleting it.

All of us know how stubborn Valeria is, right? She lies a lot, even to herself.

Tw: Angst, smut, not happy ending.

If you had to talk about what your relationship with Valeria was like, you would say it was horrible, loving her was exhausting and consumed your soul, it hurt so much that you could even feel it physically and it was a hell that you refused to leave precisely because you were exhausted, leaving her was just another move that would leave you with less strength and you felt incapable of doing it.

And you were clinging, clinging to that kiss on the forehead that she gave you one night thinking that you had already fallen asleep, to her jealousy and possessiveness that seemed to be signs of love in a twisted and quite harmful way, you clung to her laugh that sounded like the one of a teenager and all those things that made you weak at the mere idea of ​​leaving her, you couldn't.

But with each passing day it became more present, it got in your thoughts like a virus and ate away your whole body, it made you spend sleepless nights.

What if you left her? It would hurt, yes, but you would be calmer and your peace was priceless, it was non negotiable, however you had given it to her as if it were not something important.

And eventually you got sick of it and in one of your endless arguments you left her mansion swearing never to return, she made fun of you, of course.

“You're going to come back like you always do.” She muttered mockingly as you walked out of the mansion with teary eyes.

But to her surprise, you didn't. Weeks went by and she didn't hear from you, you hid, you had the nerve to think she would be the one looking for you so you left your apartment, that made her even angrier.

Because well, she did look for you, but how dare you think she would? It had to be you, it was always you.

Valeria hated giving in, but she gave you what you wanted, she knew that even if you left your apartment you couldn't miss work so she went there at night.

Your heart almost jumped out of your chest when you were passing through a deserted alley and you felt an arm wrap around your waist and pull you deeper into said place, however you relaxed noticeably when you saw it was her.

“I thought I would crawl back to you.” You said sarcastically and she gave you a glare before rolling her eyes, Valeria hated your sarcasm but she would mess with you before you got through her and you knew that.

“You’re one of my best toys, chula.” She spoke in a low voice and you felt your heart sink and that uncomfortable feeling in your stomach that made you nauseous, something typical every time you imagined her with other women, in other arms, kissing other lips, it made you sick, there was nothing more unbearable than thinking about that.

But you were tired of fighting to show her that you cared, especially because it ended up being a sacrifice in vain that left you bleeding and if there was something that Valeria apparently liked, it was seeing you vulnerable and knowing that she was the cause of that pain.

“Maybe it's time you get someone better, there must be plenty of them out there.” You said and although what you wanted was to run away like a coward, you raised your face to meet her gaze that for the first time looked disconcerted, however she was able to hide it well in that mask of coldness she always had.

“I don't see the need to do that when I have you in front of me.” She spoke and you could tell she was going to say something else but you interrupted her.

“I don't want to see you again, Valeria. I don't want to keep in whatever this is, I don't feel like it.” You said and if you knew her a little better you might have noticed the fear in her eyes.

The idea of ​​losing you had never been something she considered because you had simply chased her so much that she couldn't imagine you leaving her, but it became real and she didn't like seeing herself waking up in an empty bed, wrapped in the same sheets she shared with you.

"You can not-"

“Are you going to force me?” You blurted out and knew that maybe implying that was a mistake.

She could do some crazy shit sometimes but never in her life and under no circumstances would she lay a hand on a woman if she said no, never. And you knew it, but you liked that now she was the one glaring at you, offended by your words.

“Oh, did I hurt your feelings?” Your voice was now echoing in the alley but there was no one and you were really so angry now that you didn't care if someone listened or not, you just wanted to hurt her, frustrate her. “You are like a man, you are always criticizing them but you are the same, you are doing the same shit they do to other women.” Your words hit a nerve and she pushed you against the wall, the sharp thump of your back against the concrete echoing throughout the place.

Valeria approached you, there was fire in her eyes and you grinned cheekily at her, no matter how angry she could be, she wouldn't hit you and you took advantage of that from the first moment you realized it.

“Shut the fuck up, do you have any idea what you're saying?”

“I do, honey. You are the same, you are just another rat, just like them. You're a fucking coward because you hate that I leave yet you still don't give me what I want!” You yelled at her and she clenched her jaw, Valeria was used to violence and her body normally reacted on its own to situations like these, so holding back was difficult for her.

“And what the hell do you want from me?” Valeria said, raising her voice as well and letting out a growl full of frustration, this night was going differently than what she planned. “What the fuck do you want? Speak". She murmured softly, her body pressed against yours and you felt yourself burning in her intense gaze, you hated her.

“You know what I want, I've said it a million times, you know I want to leave these games and be honest.” You tried to break free from the prison that was her body but her hands tightened on your hips, clinging to you as if the thought of letting go hurt. “I want you to admit that you have feelings for me.”

"I do not feel anything for you". She responded almost immediately and her gaze wandered all over the floor that was within reach of her eyes.

That was the problem with her, her love was weak, it wasn't enough. She was such a coward about this situation, you knew what she said wasn't true, but she refused to admit it, to being vulnerable because that would only hurt more in the end.

“Look me in the eyes when you lie to me.” You said in a whisper and when her gaze met yours your legs weakened, you could see the conflict in her tired eyes, the pleading and all the war that was inside her, she was showing it to you, because she never let you see nothing she didn't want. “Val, just-”

"I can't". She said in a thin voice and you had to swallow hard in an attempt to relieve the lump in your throat, her gaze was still fixed on yours and you knew what was going to happen, you hated yourself for it.

You hated yourself because when her lips met yours you didn't pull away, you wrapped your arms around her neck and held on to her. Her hands moved down to your thighs and tightened on them to lift you up and gently press you against the wall, your legs now hugging her hips.

The softness of the kiss went to hell as soon as it started, now her tongue moved inside your mouth with need and you sucked on it, earning a groan from her, your skin burning as you felt her body crushing yours against the wall and when her hand went to your pants you pulled away from her lips.

“You can’t fuck me in an alley.” You mumbled, you were breathless and panting, your chest rising and falling rapidly and you felt the adrenaline rush through your body. Valeria gave you a look full of confusion, her eyes narrowing slightly and you looked at her in disbelief, she was really confused.

"Why not?" She asked and you had to sink your teeth into the inside of your cheek, biting it to hold in your laughter, it was unbelievable.

She didn't let you respond, she just rolled her eyes and crashed her lips on yours again, her fingers massaging the inside of your thighs and you had to hold on to her arms when you felt her move away from the wall, starting to walk and you were embarrassed because... what if someone saw you two? but what was happening felt too good…

You both got into the back seats of her car and you began to undress her, almost tearing off her clothes because the desire you felt to touch her warm skin was killing you. Your hands moved desperately and even then it wasn't the speed with which you expected them to move, plus being in that small space was quite uncomfortable, but you managed and then she helped you undress.

You straddled her thigh, her hands on your hips and yours on her shoulders to balance yourself a little as she began to move you slowly, the feeling stimulating enough to soak her skin and make you shudder, your sensitive nub throbbing every time as your hips rocked and you caught your lip between your teeth to keep from moaning too loudly, who knows, maybe someone outside might hear.

Valeria had her gaze fixed on yours, she loved it, she loved watching you fall apart in front of her and the way your gaze relaxed when you were turned on, how weak you were for her.

The heat was unbearable, the car windows were foggy and you began to ride her thigh faster, chasing your pleasure that swirled in your belly like a wave of fire. Your hand went between her thighs and you began to make circles with your thumb, gently massaging her clit, your other hand made its way to her jaw, raising her face abruptly so that her eyes returned to yours.

What you liked most about having sex with Valeria was that she could never swallow her pleasure, you had her almost drooling just from playing with that nub of sensitivity, she couldn't even moan, she just panted, she felt dizzy and there was no nothing she could think about other than how good you made her feel.

You weren't much different, your body was numb from tensing up so much, trying to hold onto your orgasm but you couldn't take it anymore and you let it wrap you in a warm hug, the movement of your hand between Valeria's thighs becoming erratic and trembly.

Suddenly you felt her hiss and her juices soaked your hand, both of you relaxed after the release and you got off her lap, the heat burning your skin wet with sweat, among other fluids.

You wanted to sleep right there, you were exhausted, but you didn't want to leave and you knew she wouldn't let you. And normally you would argue for her to listen to you and take you home, but you let her take you to the mansion, you let her guide you to her office even though you knew the way more than well, and you let her take off your clothes, much more slower than how you moved in the car. You sat at her desk, now she was the one who was taking off her clothes under the intensity of your gaze and everything began to move in slow motion but fast at the same time, you felt influenced by the same feelings that invaded you every time that you saw her, all the frustration and anger, uncertainty and pain, because you loved her and she insisted that she didn't.

She didn't love you, but her eyes ran over your body softly, she didn't love you but her hands worshiped your body as if it was one of a goddess, and you told yourself that she didn't love you thousands of times, while she kissed you, while her fingers sank inside you delicately.

But how could she not love you if the way she made love to you was a confession? The passion with which your bodies were wrapped was a poem and an oath that the fire could consume everything in its path except what she felt for you.

And it was so overwhelming to feel her so close knowing that her soul refused to connect with yours, your eyes betrayed you, letting the tears run down your cheeks and her eyes fixed on yours, she didn't need to ask anything because she already knew. Valeria knew it. She knew and felt your pain that was also hers, even your pain was hers, there was nothing left of you that you could claim as your own.

"I’m sorry, I’m sorry". She murmured and had to take a deep breath to contain the sea of ​​emotions that would soon form a wave to try to drown her.

She pulled you into her arms, in one of those hugs that made you feel comforted, but they were the same arms that hurt you so the comfort also felt wrong, out of place.

You couldn't realize when you fell asleep, but you woke up with one of the pajamas she had bought you, in her bed, in her sheets, but without her.

Like always.

And you decided to blame the burning in your eyes from haven’t had much sleep, you decided you weren't crying because she had run away from you, you weren't crying because this was what always happened, she left you before you woke up because having a conversation with you was overwhelming and her throat felt dry just thinking about it.

You weren't crying, or were you?

You didn't know anymore.

[mintythecup]

HAPPY NEW YWARS GUYS

I wanna give a thanks to alot of people here

going by my followers

I wanna say thank you for all the support you all have given me, and helping me get through this rough year. I've never expected to get this far and meet the people I have now.

you all mean so so much to me that you don't even know, it means the fuvking world to me that you all have supported me for what I do

@shortcakelils i wanna give a thanks to you for being there when you could, and im thankful I was able to try or even help you, you have given me so much inspiration that it helped me increase my ability and improve alot. its been a year now that we have been best friends and one day we actually might meet. thank you so so fucking much for everything man, I hope you have a good new year (even tho it was yesterday lmfao)

@whosectype i wanna give a thanks to you for BEING MOOTS WITH ME. BRO YOUR ART IS SO FUCKUNG AMAZING I CANT, thank you for letting and even inviting me into the better casino, but generally. thank you for being my friend, it means alot. I hope you have a good new year aswell, it was just a good journey we had, even if we didn't know eachother for very very long. I wish you a good career on this path. thank you so much

@mochlinathecuphead241 i wanna give a thank you too mocha! you watched me improve alot in my art and in myself, your art is amazing and im thankful to be your friend too. I love that we had to experience lots of fun time together even when we were on that live lmfao. it means alot to be friends with you, even if we did have some differences. thank you so so much for being my friend. I hope you have a good year:)

@creator-of-monsters MY FUCKING IDOL. MY FRIEND. thank you alot for just being my friend, especially in the better casino, your aus and art has given me so so much inspiration that I cant even explain, it means alot being your friend especially mutuals, but generally, just you standing there being a human being is already so much to take in 😭, i hope you have a good new year :D

@lunarshadow04 i can't even explain, thank you so so much just for being there. your art is amazing and I can't even explain how good your designs art tbh, thank you for being my friend too, JUST KEEP STANDINH THRTR AND BEING AMAZING YOU GOT THIS EGEHEHE I hope you have a good year too :)

and for the rest. thank you so so much for everything, so much can't be explained as I'm on a small ass phone right now

@cjhs-world @4ce-of-2pades-inkwell @mimuo-no @cupsnroses @magicalbarau @cupid-shortcake @potatoreak @winterleaf098 @carlarosenakilah @fresacake (I cant with ur pfp fresa. IMMA BEAT YO-) @memento_morii(I couldn't find ur account in sorry) @fizz-wizz-dizz @cups-and-pentacles and everyone else! (im sorry I couldn't remember more)

and lastly. my brother mugsy,

I wanna give a special thanks to you, thank you so much for being there and helping me. but I'm also thankful for helping you along the way, I'm making sure one-day we will meet. I'm thankful that we have met and im thankful I was there when others couldn't, I love you so so much that you don't even know. you're my brother. even if we aren't related, we may live far but one day we will get to see eachother one day, ill make it happen even if we don't talk anymore. I still want to make sure that we are gonna hug properly for the first time. I remember the times when we would talk 24/7 and I'd smile each time I saw ur notification. two hours ahead of me yet nothing can keep us separated. even if you hurt me, I know it wasn't intentional. I love you alot mugs, after we met. I hardly had anyone around that would keep my phone blown up and all, I hardly had any notifications come up at all until I met you. my phone was always silent when I woke up to be honest, until I met you, I always woke up with your notifications and it made me so happy to have someone to talk to. thank you for being there, you even got to watch me change for the better and even changed myself for other people aswell. thank you so so much

and to my online parents, thank you alotnfor being my parental figures. nurf, lin, arka and kat. thank you alot for being the parents I couldn't never been able to get even just talking to me helped alot. through the times I was forced to do something I couldn't back out of, lin thank you so so much. even helping with your au designs also was a big thing for me. I love you all so so much and you all mean alot to me :D♡

@notarkanoria (I COUnRNT FIND YOUR USER JEHFJSJDJDJJD IM SOREY FATHER FIGUREq)

I CANT FIND ANY OF UR FUCKINF ACCOUNTS

[preciadosbass]

21/8/24 [1X DIY <collage> — technically a draft from yesterday as it was posted on a schedule, key + significant photos at end]

wow, i’ve been doing this for a while now. i woke up at just before eight and listened to frank iero’s ‘new’ single and oh my fucking god its so good. i love frank sm. i scrolled through my tumblr feed until 8:40 when i finally got dressed. today i’m going to adventure island [a theme park] with this person i know. i wish i could call her a friend, but she makes fun of me too much for me to count and i overall just don’t feel comfortable with her. however she’s alright to me occasionally, like today she seemed happy to be around me. i only see her as my mum is bestfriends with her mum, but my mum dosent believe the way she usually acts towards me.

today i got dressed into my silent hill shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, knee high converse, two spiked cuffs [one with longer spikes and without a third row], mcr bracelet, panic! at the disco bracelet, sleeping with sirens bracelet, diy can tab bracelet, and a diy beaded bracelet. along with my kellin quinn necklace, a taxidermy scorpion necklace, a taxidermy raccoon tail and a silver studded belt across the right side of my hip/thigh.] [because i was anticipating cold weather as the park is directly behind the beach, and it’s the warmest outfit i have. and yes, i copied this from mondays journal, shh]

i listened to my main playlist instead of a cd while putting everything on as i added three more full albums to it after listening to ‘this song is a curse…’ [illuminaudio - chiodos, discovering the waterfront - silverstein [[im surprised this wasn’t in it already]], and wires…and the concept of breathing - a skylight drive.] and then went outside to see boris at 9:30 after straightening my hair + putting on eyeliner. like always, i’d already stood in the doorway and said goodmorning upon waking up, but i wanted to sit by him/talk/and cuddle. i didn’t manage to be out with him for long as R [that person im going out with] and her mum/stepdad pulled up on the drive. so i greeted them and started packing my bag on the kitchen table.

while i was doing that, R handed me a monster original and started speaking about how she dosent know what one i like, but i’ve never had any other flavour as i dont generally go out and buy food/drink. it was really sweet of her and it proves that i guess she’s getting more friendly with me. just a few months ago she wouldn’t let me speak about much/would make fun of me constantly/etc. i’m glad that someone thinks of me and that anyone would do such a thing. i hope we do end up being friendly in a friend way, if that makes sense. like i personally consider a friend someone you can trust and open up to, and i hope we get to that point. i think what’s been preventing it is the distance between where we live.

anyway, in my bag i had: my camera [i bring it everywhere], two battery packs [one’s always in there & out of battery], a lead for the battery pack[s], a coke zero, my monster energy, my wallet with my disability access card, my skullcandy headphones, my phone, a tiny bag because i’ve been losing/having my earrings break a lot recently, my safe food, a few band pins that have fallen of my backpack, hand sanitiser, a safety pin [i don’t even know why], and a bat plushie. its not even a comfort plushie, he’s just permanently in my bag since i got him at another theme park, chessington, at the vampire ride. once i’d got everything ready to leave, i said goodbye to boris and me and R’s family set off.

while we were in the car, R suggested making a blend [again, she was acting more friendly which is super nice] but it didn’t work. then i had the idea of adding each others playlists to one another and putting it on shuffle, but that didn’t work either as her spotify was only playing songs off her playlist. either way, it was nice she thought of it. we ended up listening to our own playlists on the way to the theme park. i listened to: shoot the girl first, the used, signal the escape, fall out boy, falling in reverse, patrick stump, and my chemical romance. also on the way there, we saw an older woman with cat face paint on and hair ties that made her look like she had cat ears. i wonder what the occasion was, or if there was an occasion. just something i randomally remembered about the drive.

we arrived at 10 and got in not even five minutes later. we walked over to the stall where they sort out your tickets/passes and R’s mum activated my disability access card. it was super embarrassing because they had to take a picture of me, and it took ages, but everything eventually went through and worked. the first actual thing we did was find a table and put all of our stuff down. i met J and A. J is R’s family friend, and J’s mums bestfriend. i’m not too sure who A is to the both of them, but he went around with us. he’s 19, so i thought it’d be a little awkward, but when we started walking around to the other side of the park to this ride called green scream, i realised it wasn’t going to be.

its a kids ride, but for some reason its enjoyable. unfortunately the photo thingy wasn’t open so i didn’t get to see what we all looked like, but oh well. the next ride we went on was rage, one out of two of the bigger and ‘scarier’ roller coasters. i used to not mind rage, but over the years it’s become incredibly rough and your head hurts for at least half an hour upon getting off. its a shame because it completely prevents it from being an enjoyable ride, but it looks really smooth. we got on and set off up the vertical lift hill, which is honestly the best part, because your head can’t start hurting yet. then you go down this drop which is quite similar to thorpe park’s saw the ride, just less steep. the entire time the ride was running, my scorpion necklace was tied around my eyes. i was scared itd come off because i’ve already had one break without me knowing and they’re really cool/expensive to buy as you need to make sure their ethical taxidermy.

but, it did make the photo look silly. when i first saw it, i thought i somehow forgot to take my glasses of and didn’t notice. i did take a picture of the ride photo but got told off which was really embarrassing lmaoo, there was someone else taking a photo though and nobody said anything so i don’t know what was going on with that. [photo at end] i’m not too sure in what order i went on the rides beyond this point of the day, but i’ll carry on speaking about it anyways. afterwards, we went back to the table to have some snacks and talk a little to J + R’s mum. once we’d done, we went back round to where rage is and went on the blue [outside] water slide as it was boiling and it didn’t matter whether we got wet or not. there isn’t an access queue for this ‘ride’ so we queued up with everyone else and got round to having a turn at around 12:35.

A wanted to go on the green [inside] water slide so we split up once we got to the actual queues for each slide. it went long before me and R got on our raft. i went on the front and she placed herself at the back. we got absolutely soaking wet and the photo of us was so cool because our facial expressions were questionable and you could see the full length of my converse in it. i didn’t take a photo though, as the person behind the stand looked intimidating. afterwards we went back to the table and then went on the indoor ‘scary’ ride. which isn’t scary at all - mind you, it’s another kids ride - but the props and things are cool. it’s one of those rides where you go around in little carts and as you look around there’s holograms/animatronics/figures except it’s mostly monster/clown themed.

while waiting to be loaded onto the carts, my necklace started glowing [photo at end cuz why not] its kinda embarrassing to actually get on the ride. when you have an access pass, you get on first via the exit. but because of how the ride is designed, you have to get on - then they run it around a small bit of track while everyone looks at you. and then the others queuing get on. its so awkward knowing everyone’s staring at you slowly going by 😭. it was too dark to take any proper photos but i took a blurry photo of one of the larger figures because it glows and i think it’s cool. [photo at end] the last time i went to adventure island and on this ride with my mum + prevision, the ride faulted at a small hill and punctured a literal hole in my mums arm, and bruised both of mine, but today it went down it smoothly. thank god.

after getting off, we went on a sky drop. there was another one that had just been made which we planned to go on after. there was a problem with R and how small the seat was so she had to switch to one two seats away from me. the ride itself is pretty tame, but i have a weak stomach so it didn’t feel great lmaoo // from what i remember, afterwards we went round to the rage exit to get a time to come back and get on. it’s hard to explain but that’s how the ride access works. you go up to rides, ask for a time to come back, they add on how long they think people have been queuing in the general queue, and then you come back after X amount of time. so quite a lot of the time me, R and A were waiting at the table/going on smaller rides to pass time.

so, we went back to the table [J & A left] and came back to rage after around 40 minutes + the walk to the ride. i didn’t really fancy going on again, and A didn’t come altogether, but R wanted to do it did for her, although my head was still hurting from the last time we went on. this time, i was smart enough to put my necklace in my pocket. even going up the lift hill gave me more of a headache. and because my neck was still weak i couldn’t really keep my head back to the headrests, so my head was banging on the shoulder restraints. my vision also kept on going completely white. we both felt really shaken up afterwards so we went back to the table and everyone had something to eat. me and R decided to go on some tame rides to calm our sickness. it’s weird that i felt so bad afterwards, im completely used to going on big rollercoasters like the smiler, saw, etc, it’s just so rough.

we went on this mini ferris wheel and it was freezing. it took ages for everyone to be loaded on and while the people at the bottom are getting on, your stuck at the top above the sea, where you get all the wind. behind us was a guy wearing an exodus shirt which was cool, R didn’t think so though. she was making fun of him. carrying on, the ride eventually started and it was actually really calming. [photo at end] you could see the sea and the rest of the park nicely from up there. at this point i was getting more and more exhausted because i forgot i had a monster and i don’t ever wake up as early as what i did and then be full on all day. it finished at 3:10, and then we got the time for the ride beside it. R had been on before, but i hadn’t. i say that, but i definitely have - i just dont remember. the worker said ten minutes so we sat at the table [i rested my head in my hands and nearly fell asleep], and came back at 3:22. it was once again a kids ride, but i genuinely think it was faster than rage. and that has a loop. it accelerated so quickly i genuinely thought the controls had gone haywire.

but, this made it fun. it was the best ride i went on. while we were at the table beforehand, we decided on that being our last ride, so once it finished we packed everything up. we left the official premises at 4 and then got the adventure island fish and chips outside at 4:10. i didn’t have much because i couldn’t check the calories and i could already imagine how bad they were. i didn’t want to seem rude though, as R’s mum had paid half 70% of the price. while we ate, R’s stepdad walked to the car to drive back round to the seaside where we were sitting and pick us up. i noticed a lot of seagulls sitting on the rocks around the kid area of the sea so i took a picture of them with my camera. [photo at end]

i couldn’t zoom in as much as i wanted to because my lens was switched over from the normal setting. i just took it for the fun of it so it’s in no way how i usually take photos, the lighting on the rocks isn’t bad though. he got there at 4:30 and me and R listened to our playlists on the way back again. what came on shuffle on the way home was: patrick stump, panic! at the disco, silverstein, mccafferty, and get scared. we arrived back at my house at 5:40 and i cuddled boris for however long hopefully wouldn’t be considered disrespectful to guests. i also realised that he’d finally had his itch treatment yay!!

i asked my parents how he got along with it and according to my parents, he was vocal, but not agressive out of stress like he usually is. i’m so proud of him. then i went upstairs to my sisters room because that’s where R was. she was just on her phone so i sat on the floor and organised the photos taken today into picture collages. i stayed up there until they all left at 7:40. R was getting mad at me for sitting next to her anyways. once they’d started heading home, i went out to boris, showed my dad some band stuff, and then wrote a lot of this journal. i did this until 9:30 where i went outside properly with boris. i did go and see him every now and again while journaling but not for extended periods as my phone literally wont charge. i came back in at 2:10. while i was out there i noticed there are baby ones of those generously sized spiders that hang out on the driveway at night.

once i was back in the warm, i asked my parents if they had any receipts for my collage as i only had my coraline 3D receipts + a small cutout from the card that came with my insect stickers. it just shows each individual one so you know which ones you’ve got. my dad had an asda/primark/petrol receipts and my mum gave me the leftover paperwork/receipts from adventure island. i finished at 10:45 because it took me ages to work out how i wanted the collage to be set out and whatnot. either way i like the colour combo. [photo at end] after finishing, i went out to the kitchen to sit with boris and came back into my room at 11:20 because my phone ran out again.

i wrote even more of this journal and went upstairs to ask my parents questions about boris at 11:35. around this time, my head started hurting a concerning amount so i took some meds. im aware i sound so dramatic right now but you don’t understand how torturous that ride is until you’ve experienced it and the feeling afterwards. my eyes kept on going cross eyed and parts of my vision were cutting out. i do know i’m not the only one who feels like this after rage, though, because while we were waiting to go on for the first time a woman came off and she could barely walk afterwards. however don’t know whether my eating or sleep contributed/s to how bad my head is feeling. i finished my questions at 1, wrote a few paragraphs of this, and then said goodnight to boris.

i didn’t tell him about my day as my parents told me to tell him tomorrow so my head wouldn’t get worse so i gave him a little spoiler and cleaned the dog food can tabs in the sink. im going to somehow make a flower looking chain charm out of them. i did this while speaking to boris/apologising for going out, things like that. id shown him my collage earlier so i took some different shaped can tabs, the big dog can ones, my collage book, and a j20 bottlecap into my room to put into their assigned places for when i make stuff out of them. [photo at end]

then i went back out to boris and finished saying goodnight to him. because i cant stroke around where his ointment was applied [his neck] its quite a struggle to cuddle him the way i usually would, but i eventually finished at 2:24. i was supposed to be super quick as i wasn’t telling him about today, even though i always wish i could be longer. i then gave him his last meal of the day and he went in my room 3x times while i was awake. my head was still in excruciating pain despite the paracetamol so i went to sleep at 2:50 after finishing this journal. i kept on falling asleep and letting go of my phone/almost deleting paragraphs at a time. so i hope all of this still makes sense.

🗝️ — boris/my cat, prevision/keyworker i have to see instead of being taken back into mainstream education, questions about boris/i ask my parents questions about my cat to verify he's okay + will be okay in the morning. its a compulsive thing and i'm hopefully going to be tested for OCD in the future.

have a good day/night O_o

[hanafubukki]

This one about Monster from Epic album and Lilia 🥹

This album is a gold mine of inspiration. I can talk about one single sentences of lyrics for one hours. The musical vibes sent you in so many different places. And it have so much different style from one song to another. And it sent me back in my Greek mythology area again. Also, too much Oc's, too much stories, to much crossover possible !

This whole album is my current obssession. The only sad part is that I'm the only one understanding english in my circle of friends and family 🥲 Still trying to convert my younger brother. One day I will take someone in the Epic boat with me. I'm still so grateful to you for making me discover this project 🥹

- 🦋 Anon

[referencing this fic]

Hello 🦋Anonie,

Yessss, I’m glad you liked the fic 🦋Anonie. I had it in my drafts since the Underworld Album released. And been adding on to it since then when the mood stuck. I had it finished for awhile now, but I don’t know it didn’t feel right post it until yesterday. And behold! I find out the new saga released. The timing is uncanny but greatly appreciated and loved 🥳

The Underworld Album is sooo sooo good and it’s such a Diasomnia core and especially Lilia core Album. The lyrics?? The score?? Ahhhh I can’t even word the way it just hits you in the feels!!

Fun fact, I had/have (haven’t decided what I’m going to do with it) a fic with the Underworld song from that album. It was going to be another Lilia centric fic in the past but technically I got the idea of what I wanted to convey through with the Monster song fic since they share lyrics and all so I might scrap it since I only wrote a few lines. We’ll see. 🤔

But Monster?? Oh that song just spoke to me. Everything just filled that inner part of me. What if I became a monster? Just the idea of what anyone would do to return to their loved one. To see them again. Just the actions they would take? Chef kiss.

And you know, you know Lilia wouldn’t let anything stop him when it came to his family. You know he would give it all. 💞💞

There’s also the OT3 one you sent me with the knight of dawn and Lilia AND IM SHAKING YOU. I want to write it so bad but the stars and my brain haven’t aligned with my hand to type out exactly what I want ABDKSKFNFN

But that song?? Ohhhh the potential!! The potential!!!!!

Good luck coverting your brother 🦋Anonie, you can do it!! You’re always more than welcome to talk about it with me Anonie. I haven’t heard the recent album yet but from what I’ve seen, it’s a doozy and I need to get myself ready for it.

I’m so happy to know that you discovered the epic musical through me 🥹💞😭 that makes me very happy and that you enjoy it so much. It always makes me happy when people enjoy or love what I love or I can introduce them to it. So, thank you 🦋 Anonie 🫂💚 it means a lot for me to know this.

[carmenized-onions]

HEY LOVELY!!!! Now this, THIS, was worth every day i waited. IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING. Everything i dreamed it to be and more.

Tony and Mikey scenes? HEARTBREAKING. Every moment they have together, no matter sad or happy, is slowly chipping away at my soul.

Carmen getting a therapist? Genius. Don't know why the writers haven't given him one, boy does he need it.

Syd and Richie making sure Tony is taken care of by sorting Carmen out before he see's her again? Everything. I need them as friends, right now. NOW.

(still pissed at Carmen, though.)

The way you write characters reactions to grief is, like, stunning. STUNNING.

ALSO, as someone with a brother who struggles with drugs, seeing Mikey being portrayed as a nice person with loving friendships is really amazing to see. (the fact i have another brother called Mikey too, freaky? probably not. BUT IM A DRAMATIC PERSON OKAY?)

Anyway, i am genuinely in love with this series. You should be so incredibly proud of your self. Would i be able to get onto the tag list?

He congratulates you.

the absolutely shattered render quality of this image really fucking makes it. packing update: I've just got the desk and closet left! and also my billion plants.... i really don't want to think about the plants...

SO GLAD it was worth the wait, I hope chapter 14 also is. I'm not the most happy with the ending scenes right now... Happier than I was yesterday... but maybe I just need to stop looking at it, honestly. I'm transforming into S3 Carmen changing that menu every 5 fucking minutes AH.

CHIPPING away you say? not funny. I'd had these scenes in my head for a minute, but I was so worried about being off-base with Mikey's character because all I had to go off of was Fishes, so thank you God for Napkins I would've been so fucked.

SPEAKING OF S3, I know,,, it makes sense that he doesn't have one I mean he hesitated so much to just go to al-anon but even fucking al-anon in S3 he's reverted to just not fuckin' talking which SUCKS !! DON'T SUBTRACT !! PLEASE STOP SUBTRACTING IM BEGGIN YOU!!

I love Syd and Richie and the way they combine forces when it comes to their Shared Work Wife. I think what's so fun about it is that without this being for Chip, Syd wouldn't be so direct, and Richie would be so much fucking meaner, but because it's for her, they actually make an effort to sort Carmen the fuck out. And also beat his ass. two things can be true.

And THANK YOU I write a fuck ton of grief poetry and I think I just went to like. a lot of funerals as a kid. an unexpected consequence of having a kid a lot later than everyone else. It's in my bones. but like in a fun way.

Also, when I read this for the first time, I remember being SO confused because I was like. "There was another option?" And forgot that people fucking suck and see people struggling or in recovery as something that is other. Fucking ew. I never had any intention of portraying Mikey other than the really fucking good brother he is, who also just so happens to be struggling. Don't applaud a fish for swimming! People are people and they should be written as fuckin' people!!!! But I am glad my portrayal was appreciated none the less. YOU'RE NOT DRAMATIC!!

Of COURSE you can be added!! Though I will say, sometimes it doesn't always work when I tag people. So I am. sorry. I think it's something in tumblr settings? Gotta set your shit public or taggable or something? regardless. i'll fuckin put your name in there for sure!! thank you for your thoughts m'love!!

back to packing.... desk or closet desk or closet.... flipped a coin i got desk mannnn... wish me luck!! do i have anything from chapter 14 i can give you?

is this spoilery? c'est la vie, take it. kisses kisses see you in ideally less than an hour when i finish desk packing.

[girlburnsalive]

Life is good lately :) a few problems but there always is

ex reached out to exchange our stuff so i dont have to decide when to do that bc i dont know. The norms there. Oups.

Having fun w boytoy the issue there is im kind of too attached and been texting him a lottt i think its cuz of the breakup. Im endeavoring to talk to other friends too and take breaks. But its a good problem that theres someone i like talking to too much LMAO

One of my friends who stopped going to class, texting me etc has recovered from her mental health moment and shes going to class and i get to see her again!!

I think i have a great shot at this remote job which has a self paced kinda schedule. Waiting to hear back on my application

Even if that dont work out im feeling a bit more confident in my skills for an irl job

>:/ school board hasnt gotten in touch w me about my stupid classes i need to bother them

Need this document from my school and im kinda busy this week

Im falling illll i think, its not as bad as my usual colds but its so annoying cuz the last one wasnt even 2 months ago. And im an obligate stoner so it hurts 2 smoke. I just wanna hang out w my friends and suck face like this is not fair

Ive been getting more and more physically active. I had to force myself out for walks at first but now i crave it regularly!! Ill just be sittin there and get the feeling that i need to move and do things :) i put a step tracker on my phone cuz curious and all the stuff i did yesterday didnt feel crazy, maybe a bit of an annoying amount of walking. But that was over 15,000 steps 😵‍💫 when 10k/day is supposed to be a good goal for health. So im fitter than i thought i was!!

Ive been struggling w my body, feeling pretty and embodied. I really want to do strength training bc i think itll help a lot, just need to be able to afford gym. Also martial artsss doing bjj or boxing or smth will make me super happy. And like looking more muscular will make me feel better gender wise i think. I cant really achieve curvy woman w my genetics but i can achieve Strong Woman through hard work n perseverance and that might make me happier quite honestly. Plus i can manually give myself an ass and thats my main insecurity my flat little butt

Struggling w body hair. Waxing means i have to wait a long time for everything to grow back but shaving is not an option bc its sensory bad. Waxing also takes so long it took me 2 days to do both my legs the first time. Maybe ill get faster w practice but UGGGGH i hate spending loads of time on my appearance and being all finicky and shit. Maybe its worth it to pay someone to do it for me >_<

[boyswanna-be-her]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm recounting all of this kind of mundane shit about BFR for myself because guaranteed I'm going to be trying to understand/recap this narrative while im lonely in colorado. And honestly I know it's gonna be easy for me to forget details and second-guess shit that feels so obvious to me in the moment. So if you don't want a blow by blow of this absolutely PG romantic relationship, just skip this one for now.

Today was really nice and the first day in a little while where I haven't had anything pressing to do. It was pouring at the clinic today--has been all week. Yesterday I sat in my front seat w BFR and we smoked a joint together and made fun of the one wet protester until the rain passed. Great morning.

We had lunch together at one of my favorite taco spots in my old neighborhood, and then we had to walk back to the thai place where we ate dinner the night before bc they'd left their sunglasses behind. We went to a coffee shop for a while where they patiently waited for me to be done with a working meeting on my laptop. Then we took a walk in the park in between rain. It was just seamless, idk. There's no question that we'll go do the next thing together. When the rain wouldn't let up at the park, I suggested we go to one of my fave places in the city, and I drove us to a giant used bookstore that was a few miles away.

I didn't realize until we got there that they'd never been before!! I try to take everyone I can there if they're from out of town, and it is ABSOLUTELY my favorite place to both take a new date and have a special date with an established partner. I don't feel guilty about taking basically everyone I've ever dated there--a good date is a good date. There's a lot of built-in conversation to be had and it's easier than a bar and free to wander around. We accidentally killed an enormous amount of time there, and we shot the shit about 20th century history which is my jam, so amazing to talk abt it w someone who can hang, READS, and doesn't have anything to prove in terms of static knowledge recall.

We hung out for a little while but they had yoga and I wanted to head home so we split up after that and it felt... weird? Like it always feels like there's this last step we are missing to our goodbyes. They forced a hug one time when we were saying goodbye from the clinic, but it was really early on and RIGHT when I was coming to terms with being attracted to them (like second time seeing them after having the realization) which means I was in ultra robot mode, and also assumed it was one-sided and they were just trying to be nice. Like I literally think I did a one arm side hug and they were so dejected they never tried again. Now we're weeks later and it feels weird that we're not kissing goodnight or something.

But I had the evening to myself and finally broke down and talked to someone from my real life about them. He was very affirming that I'm not insane, and just recapping the timeline to someone made it make more sense in my mind. I didn't even have to present half of my evidence for my friend to say yeah, that's going in A Direction. I just second guess it all for a variety of reasons, but for example when I screenshotted a text and sent it as evidence that I feel like they text me like a coworker sometimes, my friend pointed out that nobody in the history of neutral coworkers has ever crafted such a long and careful text. Which. Touche.

This morning we were back out at the clinic bright and early. My friend was supposed to join us but she couldn't at the last minute. Instead she dropped into the chat and asked if someone could fill in for her. If I didn't feel like we were already attracting attention (spoiler: we are), i would've REALLY preferred to jump in and say "noooo worries, no third wheel needed please." But we are getting a little visible. So I didn't. And BFR's friend jumped in to take my friend's place volunteering with us.

I ended up being really happy the friend was there though! The two of us are more like a couple when there IS a third person there, although the vibe can be a lot to navigate sometimes and I often have to shut down and take some time to myself. It wasn't unwelcome to have him there though. It makes the vibe between me & bfr more apparent, pronounced, whatever. We already have such a shorthand in common which 😍 wrow, communication fluency.

I invited his friend to lunch with us, and he accepted, and it was fun--I took them to my favorite Greek place which is legit like three blocks from the clinic.

Friend went on his way, the two of us moved to the next location: their favorite spot to work. I also love this location bc you can watch the afternoon rain and vape furiously on the porch without getting wet. Like I said, today was the first day in a while where neither of us had much to do in the way of work. They have been threatening to inflict their favorite board game on me for a while now, and it finally happened today. I am notoriously uninterested in board games (more like bored games amiright) but the combo of my biggest fan being excited to teach/compliment me on how AMAZING i am at it (rofl lying but ok) and the inherent fun of the game meant that I, uh, had a lot of fun, unfortunately.

We did two REALLY close rounds, and in the second game they almost fully missed a work call they had at 7:00 (I remembered bc i am insane but I also didn't mention it until 6:50 bc I thought maybe they were goofing on me and pretending like they'd lost track of time). Turns out they had been planning on muting and barely looking at the meeting anyway bc they didn't wanna stop playing--which is flattering but I'm also like "[Redacted], i already very much want the best for you, INCLUDING not becoming completely codependent and risking your living bc im so charming and fun" so there was a lot of me pausing the play and asking about the meeting.

By the time that was over, we were already butting up against the time we were supposed to meet their friends to lift tonight. We hadn't eaten dinner but they offered to feed me at their place which was perfect. We went straight back and holy shit their homemade leftovers were delicious.

Their friends came on time to lift and the first thing out of the mouth of the one who knows me better was "you and [redacted] have really been spending a lot of time together huh?" The two of us made eye contact and kinda laughed and BFR said "yep" and both made the 😬 face and the friend wouldn't let it go and repeated "you guys spend all day together now..." and my 😬 face couldn't get any more intense and he said "all day... today..." i said "yep we're pretty codependent." (I'd made the same not-joke yesterday when I was very truly pointing out that I don't remember what to do with my alone time anymore, and they not-jokingly replied "yeah we've ruined each other." Which like. At least we're aware.) Only later did I realize that BFR mustve been talking to the friend about it bc I definitely wasn't and there was no public talk about it in our shared discord so 👀 bitch i see u chatting in private abt me.

Lifting was incredible as always. Their friends who are a decade younger than us and sometimes join us, sometimes don't, really crack me up and I have such a good rapport with one of the guys that I think I lift better with him around (the one who was giving us a hard time tonight). He dishes out the abuse I give him while lifting, which I love. Between him and bfr, I feel like a fucking all-star lifter in that little garage gym. They talk positively about my form when they don't even realize I can hear them. Even so, BFR will not hesitate to call me out when a lift looks bad or I need a cue.

So yeah. It's nice. Hanging out at their place, being fed, getting let in on a LOT more inner details than I got in the first months of knowing them. That's all lovely. I always try to text them and let them know when I've had a lot of fun with them, and that's just basically turned into a nightly check-in. On Sunday, I got a very coworkery (imo) message from them about enjoying our time together, thanking me for my "wonderful company," thanking me for spending so much time together, thanking me for attending so many events with them, and saying that they are "definitely down to keep hanging out in the future." At the time I felt like "that's a weirdly formal way to put all this" but getting home to tonight's much more neurotic message made it make more sense (along w the feedback from a trusted friend who makes good points). Like it was a careful message because they are being exceedingly careful with me. They know some of my more obvious damage (all the psychic sucking chest wounds are hard to ignore after a few weeks of learning about me, and i've been going out of my way to be quite "warts and all" with them). They value our time together A LOT. And the more that I understand our similarities, the more I know that they're also likely really fucking scared to endanger the chemistry of this friendship by introducing ANY other dynamic.

Im finally getting to the end here. Tumblr will probably eat this entry. I'm posting it before a full edit--RIP anyone parsing this.

But the message that I came home to tonight was FINALLY a little more vulnerable, and essentially said that if I want to spend LESS time with them, I'm going to have to tell them that straight up, and that that'll be ok, but if so they need to lnow because this is the amount of time they want to spend with me (all of it), and they don't anticipate that changing.

So! Guess I'll puke and die now! Literally spent five minutes last night considering how I could smuggle them to Colorado with me. Also I haven't had anywhere to put this but since this is an all-bfr all the time blog now, we are going to go on a trip together to chicago in August! There's an actual reason to go other than lovefest vacation (pretty much a work trip for them that I've been asked to tag along for) but as we are actually finalizing the trip plans, it definitely feels more than a little bit like we are going on a lovefest vacation. Which is all the more reason why it would be great to not be hella conspicuous (even though it's a little fun being hella conspicuous).

Like I didn't need another human to come validate my existence, but I *did* need to meet someone who could threaten the idea that I'm ready to die alone. It's nice. It's all nice!! I'm definitely not crying and throwing up!!!

[cobaltperun]

hello hello helloooo. my, have i been the busiest bee in the hive. i cant even remember the last time i opened tumblr (and its been KILLING me.) you see, i live in america. im not exactly patriotic or whatever, but my brothers birthday is the fourth of july... so, i suppose its not a bad reason to celebrate the holiday. now i just simply wanted to see what all the fuss was about. i invited a friend, we got adult juice, bam, guaranteed fun night. was it fun? i think so. do i remember a lot of it? no, not at all.

i vaguely remember my sisters boyfriend saying something about a piggy? talking about my sisters weed? and for some godforsaken reason, someone convinced me to take a hit of it. after that? everything felt fuzzy as all hell. i have little memory flashes of me talking to my mom, my friend and i staring in the bathroom mirror, and eating an ungodly amount of cookies.

the moral of this story to whoever is reading this is: be safe. always be mindful of what you're putting into your body. mixing weed and alcohol can be very dangerous if you dont do it right

oh, p.s. my friend also slammed my pointer finger in the car door. im pretty sure its okay? its been 5 days since the 4th but here i am, talking about it like it was yesterday. also, howve you been lately? any interesting things been happening?

anyway, much love, cassius ❤️

Well, hello there Cas! 💙

Fun fact, in all 25 years of my life I have never gotten drunk or high. Not being able to remember everything or not being completely aware of things is something I despise thinking about, let alone experiencing, so I'll take your word for it 😁

Happy late birthday to your brother, by the way! I'm happy you had fun!

I've been okay. Tried to go on a break for a month, but personal things happened and I needed an escape, so back to writing I guess 😅😅 other than that, same old stuff.

p.s. let someone take a look at your finger, just to be sure

[lqfiles]

BROOO HAECHAN PISSES ME OFF IN YOUR STORY you write him and y/n’s banter so good 😭 like i usually read enemies to lovers but sometimes it’s just them saying “i hate you” LIKE I WANT MORE BANTER? And you depict it so well 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

TALENTED WRITER FRRR 🫵🏼

but like i genuinely mean it when I say the emotions you convey in your works are so good. just happy to read and like because it’s so good, i want more 🫴🏼 heh

also yk it’s bad when y/n doesn’t ask about jaehyun 😭😭 MARK PLS ✊🏼

(also i see that Spanish heh ty!! ask me if you want to know more!)

AGAIN YOU DID SO GOOD PLSSSS YOU DESERVE ALL THE PRAISES AND APPRECIATION 🫶🏼 you deserve a lot and im happy everyone appreciates the series so much (SAME)

no life updates today but, did watch my favorite v-tuber today (and remembered how he has read my comments 🤞🏼)

- 🫧

(bella barked once at a dog and yes, i scolded her bc she has never barked at another dog and thankfully, she didn’t bark at another dog. she also made friends with two more dogs and I made friends too 😋 but yeah, bella is gonna be 11 months next month and i swear she was just 2 months yesterday)

HES PISSING YOU OFF YAASSS MISSION SUCCESS FR and fuckk omg thank you for saying that 🥺 i was literally trying to make sure that wasn’t the case, like i remember i saw this one post that was like “there is a difference between RIVALS and ENEMIES that a lot don’t understand” and i’m trying to make sure the difference is there lol, he’s meant to annoy you guys!! and the banter adds to it i love it too

you always flatter me ilysm seriously 😣 hopefully the upcoming chaps will also make you feel the emotions and YESS YOU KNOW ITS HAD WHEN SHE FOESNT EGEN CARE ABOUT THE MENTION OF JAEHYUN, HYUCK REALLY GETS ON HER NERVES LMAOO

omgg okay please tell me how to say “how are you?” or just any regular phrases that can be said in convos, i’m gonna try and whip it out next time i’m talking to a friend and convince them i’ve secretly been studying spanish 🤓 NOT YOU GETTING RECOGNISED BY YOUR FAVE OMGG i’m trying to remember if i ever got recognised and the first thing that comes to mind is the one time jorja from the gg FLO replied to me on twitter 😝😝😝 my biggest flex.. i love her..

you said that she’s still a baby so i’m assuming that’s just her experimenting, it’s cute that she isn’t even a year old yet like she’s genuinely just a baby 🥺 cutie, and i’m glad both of you made new friends, sounds really fun and i hope she’ll get to make more friends ^^ have a nice day and stay hydrated and eat well!!

[markosbabymama]

Hiiii<3

1st, I found ur page yesterday and I love it!

2nd, could I request a matchup pls? Could be for anyone lol

Anyway, I’m 5ft. Like on the dot man. I’m more on the curvier side. My skin is light normally but I just got back from the beach so I have a tan lol. I’m also an introvert (unless I’m with friends) and an INFP. Along with major social anxiety. I’m a virgo.

I have hazel eyes that are more on the green side. My hair is slightly passed my shoulders and is wavy/curly. I’m in the process of trying to heal it after years of heat damage. It’s dark brown and I have bangs.

I love art and books. Along with animals. I have a cat, dog, and turtle. I love the ocean. My aesthetic, I would say is salted granola. I saw a tiktok once and was like ‘yes. That one.’ Im a big marvel, dc, and Star Wars fan. Music is like my life. Literally had 1526 minutes played last week. I’m in a honors choir class, book club, and art club. I have a green VW beetle.

Idk how much of that u needed but oh well🤷‍♀️ thank you love you🫶🫶

aww omg ty sm!! i’m so happy u like my content!

okay so idk what fandom to do but i’ll do ck to play it safe lol!

you would be the cutest with demetri ???

.

y’all have been besties since u were kids, like it was u eli and him

so when u hit puberty, both of em were like 👁️👄👁️

and y’all had crushes on each other for the longestttt time so when he finally grew a pair and asked u out it was like

“so, do you wanna go to the movies tomorrow?”

“oh sure! should i pick up eli?, or do you want to?” “o-oh no i meant like, just me and you y/n.”

*ur obviously screaming on the inside and blushing.*

“oh u- uhm, i would love too! what time?” “let’s say 4:30?”

“yea. i would really like that dem.”

“awesome! uh- i mean- psh, yea it’s cool. whatever” *leaning on his locker to act cool.*

“okay. cool. see you tomorrow.”

HE WAS SO EXCITED MANNN

and when eli found out he was so happy for y’all bc he was y’all’s #1 shipper.

.

he definitely teases u abt ur height, always has.

but it’s demetri so it’s all in good fun.

“so like, do you think you’ll ever grow? you’ve been 5’0 since you were 13.” “oh piss off tree trunk.”

A LOT of playful banter is going on in this relationship.

“why do you HAVE to put everything on the top shelf.”

“because it’s funny. watching you struggle to get a cup. better then television.”

“you know i’m the perfect height to punch you in the guts.”

“ohh shes fiesty today.”

.

demetri is a very mouthy sarcastic guy, but only with his close friends.

hes also very shy so he obviously doesn’t mind it

and he definitely helps you with ur social anxiety 🥹

*at a crowded party* “hey are you okay? do you need something? a water?”

“i’m okay dem, looks likes you’re worried about me.”

“psh i’m not worried about you. just don’t need you dying on me and everyone’s think that it’s my fault.”

*lauging* “you’re a jerk dem.”

.

always makes jokes that y’all have the same eye color.

“y’know, i think we were meant to be y/n.”

“why’s that dem?”

“because we have the same eye color, what kinda couple has the EXACT same eye color? no one. we’re special. it was definitely meant to be.”

“you’re actually crazy, you know that?”

“no i didn’t. but i DO know that we were meant to be.”

*laughs* “you’re such a dork. you’re lucky i love you.”

always takes pics of ur eyes side by side AND has it as his wallpaper 😭😭🥹🥹

.

ugh he lOVES ur hair

loves it.

plays with ur hair all the damn time

has your loose hair ties on his desk and in his backpack LMAOO

“dem have you seen my hai-“

“your hair tie? yeah i have about 50 of them in my backpack.”

“really? welll, can i have one… please?”

“no y/n im revoking your hair tie privileges. yes you can have one.”

“thankssss demmie!!”

.

loves going to museums with u🥹

he doesn’t really care for art but he goes anyways to make u happy🫶🏻

“y/nnnn, i have a suprise for u”

“what is it dem?”

“i got us tickets to the art museum! you’ve been talking about it so much lately, so i thought i’d take you today.”

*y/n bear hugging him* “OH MY GOSH!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUU!!! I LOVE YOU DEM!” *kisses him on the cheek*

*lauging* “you’re welcome, i love you too.”

.

definitely loves ur aesthetic

and secretly loves going shopping with u lol🤭

*y/n dragging demeitri to another store* “y/n, another store?”

“yes demetri! you wanted to come anyways, so suck it up and help me pick out more outfits.”

it’s like one of those scenes in a corny chick flick where you go in and out of the dressing rooms showing him outfits LOL

.

MARVEL AND DC MARATHONS ALL .THE .TIME.

definitely getting into arguments over who’s team cap and team iron man 😭😭

“y/n how could you possibly be team cap!? bucky killed tony’s parents and he tried to justify it by saying he was brainwashed????”

“because dem!, he didn’t understand what he was doing. it’s not his fault!”

constantly saying that you’re mary jane and peter because he’s nerdy and you’re gorgeous 😭

.

loves looking at all ur stuff u painted/ drew in art class

literally will post them on ig and show them off like he did it LMAOAKS

he’s so proud of u cause u can paint

.

LOVES U CAR OH MY GOSHHHH

he was so jealous when u first got it lolz

him and eli were in literal shock

they were both so excited because now u didn’t have to pay for ubers/ have eli’s mom drop u off LMFAOOO

.

A/N: OH MY GOD I FINALLY GOT THIS DONE AFTER GOD KNOWS HOW LONG😭 i hope u like it this took me so long to finish for no reason?!?

[enjomo-arch]

#2. Who was your first muse?

To  be  honest  I  don't  even  remember  my  memory  is  goldfish  I  can  barely  remember  what  I  ate  yesterday  (  don't  ask  im  not  able  to  tell  you  idr  lmao  ).  The  first  or  lastest  muse  I  can  think  of  was  muse  from  dead  by  daylight.  Old  times  when  I  had  fun  playing  games.

#4. Favourite thing about roleplaying?

well,  writing  !  and  meeting  new  friends  I  love  making  friends  I'm  like  insanely  communicative  I  talk  a  lot,  really  a  lot  and  I  need  to  talk  to  people  or  I'll  rip  my  hair  out.  I  cherish  friendships  I  can  make  thru  writing,  I  am  beyond  happy  to  meet  new  people  and  form  long  lasting  relations.  It's  always  a  delight.

#16. Favourite trope?

partners  in  crime,  slow  burn  romance  and  heartbreaking  angst.  I  love  chaos,  I  love  lighthearted  interactions  and  I  love  pain.  A  little  bit  of  sadness  in  my  life,  A  little  bit  of  love  by  my  side,  A  little  bit  of  slowburn  all  I  need,  A  little  bit  of  chaos  what  I  see.

@kickxsscook : munday meme : 2, 4, 16 (: ( prompt. )

[thegroundsofbrooklyn]

I MISSED YOU TOO TUMBLR IS AGAINST ME IT KEEPS EATING MY ASKS THOUGH IT SAID THEY SENT

OKAY SO THE PEOPLE FROM YOUR CORNER OF THE WORLD ONE DIRECTION I love Louis tomlinson so much. I loved him in 1d and loce him now. We had lots of pride stuff at our shows because well do you know the story of Larry stylinson? -Louis probably isn't straight (I mean being in love with your male best friend would suggest) but he has never specifically said what he is also he's so support of his LGBT fans and we love and support him so so much. He's so sweet and his music is great and real and he writes about sad things too!

soooooo I drove 3 hours to Ohio to see him on Thursday after work. I almost got heat exhaustion so hot. They did not have plain water for sale at like 80%of the vendors it was just beer and cocktails (yuck and also NOT HELPFUL IN 90 DEGREE HEAT), got upgraded for free Cuz they had empty seats closer (oh my fucking gosh I almost died of excitement l) IT WAS AMAZING HE WAS GREAT. I then proceeded to drive back and go to work on literally an hour or 2 of sleep and since the pandemic no where's open late anymore so I didn't eat for a day and a half opps.

I went to his Detroit show yesterday and it was lit. He literally said we were fucking unbelieveable a minimum of 4 times and thanked us and called Ohio then michigan(both of which I was at) the best shows his entire tour. I just wanted to hug him like a bazillion times.

#one directioner forever sorry to ramble about my lifelong love for 5 boys from the UK. I just love things veryyyyyyy intensely. Maybe not the normal amount but hey

The staff wouldnt let us get streamers from off the ground :( I know that's probably an odd thing to want what can I say it's a memory. Although I didnt basically sleep for 3 days it was so amazing and completely worth it. I wish I could live it a million times over. Everyone was happy, and Louis was happy:) I am not social, but the atmosphere of concerts and to a different degree professional theater is just something else. We're all there for one thing, and it's so Beautiful. It's one of those times that for me personally my depression anxiety and borderline are far from my mind. I feel euphoric on top of the world and being happy is very nice. Being happy with others; seeing two friends dance or shout words to each other or smile it makes you happy too. Even when I don't know them. So I guess I am social in liking to be around people but just not good at speaking to them.

I also lost my car in a field because they have no signage and in a sea of cars where the fuck did I park. Who knows I wandered for 20 minutes until I finally stumbled upon it. I can't even imagine those people who drink then look for cars like my human you bad decisioned.

My most unfavorite part of concerts is just getting out of the traffic jam afterword. I've learned to get to your car and sit there until there is no line of cars waiting and you're golden. (That usually takes a while bit is worth the headache and wasted gas. )

THAT IS SUPER EXCITING!! I wish you were going next month, lol. I hope you have the most fun!!!! Ahhhh boo tests BUT YAY CONCLUSION!!! That means in a few weeks I can annoy you with all the newsies thoughts xD

I WILL SEND MY FIC IDEA IN A DIFFERENT ASK BECAUSE IM SORRY THIS IS LONG. I kind of apologize for that but you did say tell you all the shenanigans xD

oh my god that sounds incredible and also so chaotic 😭 six year old me had the BIGGEST crush on all of one direction smdmdj i'm so happy you had a great time anon :))

i am going to west endsies next month, but only closing night because i'm away in the usa for about the first half of it anyway ... but i can always buy more tickets ...... 👀

[pbandjesse]

I am pretty exhausted. I am very glad to be home. Today felt a lot more normal after how chaotic yesterday was. I slept pretty well. And I felt alright when I woke up. Using the salonpas on my neck last night really helped. It still hurts but it's a lot better. Im trying it again tonight we'll see if it helps more.

I woke up and felt good. I thought I would like my romper but I ended up feeling weird all day. I don't know why! I love this outfit normally!! But I felt both to frumpy and to sexy?? Like I was just really uncomfortable.

I felt a little weird all morning and I felt like I could have been nicer to James. Like I didn't do anything but I felt like I could have been nicer. And then I didn't like my podcast. I was just feeling off.

And then when I got outside I found what I think is a bullet?? Next to the car?? Super weird. I thought it was just a piece of metal but I'm not sure. I showed it to Heather and she agrees it seems to be a bullet. Wild wild wild.

Camp was good though. A bit cold this morning. And I put a sweatshirt and walked around for a bit. They patched the dining hall and it was much more picked up. The nurse's office got a tarp over it. Day camp was back. Things were good.

I had a nice talk to Heather and sat in the office for a while. Eventually Cecilia and Annabelle came into the office and we discussed packing up supplies and getting ready for the end of camp. I offered to store all their stuff so we don't have to have it in Yukon. And everyone agreed so I would make sure 4 cabinets were clear and put labels on them.

And that lead me to want to start organizing and packing my own stuff. So then the art building looked like it was exploding it was such a mess pulling things out to pack and organize.

Which was very fun for me! I also made time to work on my painting. I got a lot done. In adding in texture and detail. I would sit outside and look at the building and I felt like I was getting good stuff done.

And the Hannah my cit came and she had a full leg brace on!! Cause apparently after she left yesterday she fell and jacked herself up. It's the same leg she had knee surgery on last year. So I was very worried for her. And she was apologetic for leaving early tomorrow because of her fall, that I didn't even know happened, so she brought me a cake pop!! I love cake pops so it was such a nice gesture even if it wasn't necessary.

She would work on organizing some boxes of materials to consolidate and get rid of trash. Because it's so hard for me to throw things away. She was super helpful and made it a lot easier on me. I would get a ton done inside while she worked outside.

And the groups would be good. Only one in the morning. Top bar made great art as always. And I worked on my knitting and my painting and enjoyed them making pretty things.

And then I had a two hour break. Which was nice because I got so much more done on the building. It's going to take all week but progress is progress.

Blanche was there borrowing bracelet string and she brought me a rubber snake to paint that belongs to one of her campers. I was happy to help and the camper was so happy when she got it back. She kept saying she loved me. It was very sweet. I hope the paint sticks.

Lunch was fine. The tater tots were nice. The sandwich was boring. I had brought pasta salad from whole foods so I wasn't hungry. I mostly just enjoyed sitting with the other specialty staff. I'm glad Ty has made friends in the YLPs, but I do miss him eating with us. I still had fun with Celia and Annabelle and Antonio. We had our specialty sauce and I showed them all the trinkets in my backpack. And it was nice.

The afternoon went well. My day campers did great stockade was nice. I organized beads. Poppy, a top bar girl, who didn't want to do BB guns, would come hang out with me and helped organize beads and I let her DJ and chose all the songs. Mostly Disney songs and the Barbie sound track.

The boys were good. But I was not happy with Jorge because he had a pretty bad cough and if I get sick I'm going to be furious with him. They all made good art but I felt really bad when two boys bracelets exploded when we tried to tie them. I felt so bad! Especially when the one told me it was his last week at puhtok ever!! He got a job at Rita's. I'm happy for him but still sad!! The children are growing up.

After my last day campers left I went down to the office to talk to Heather and Alexi about my fall schedule and plan. I'm going to do Tuesday to Friday 8 to 4, with Monday being a work from home office hours situation. Answering emails and such. I am very pleased with that. And I explained how the lesson plans are going to go and how I'm going to streamline everything. Heather is excited and is happy with the progress I've made. I told her what my plans were for writing out the lesson plans over the next week or so. And we are going to set up a new email address for feild trips and start reaching out to schools in the next week. Amazing. I'm excited.

I also chatted with Chris about a flag idea he had for next summer. Which I would take charge of and I think will be fun. Basically he wants me to sew little flags for the counselors to put their badges on. So I'm going to do some research for that too. Supplies and such. I have some ideas and I'm excited to put that together for him.

I had the horse girls last. And they did a good job. And because they were so self sufficient I was able to work on my painting. Which they kept telling me was so pretty and good. Which felt very nice.

After the horse girls left Hannah asked to try inverting on my silks. And she was very scared but she did it and I was very proud of her for not being scared. I would also hang from it s lot today. Working on stretching more. I am still get cramps in my calves which is frustrating but at least my neck is doing a little better.

I was glad to be done for the day. After Hannah left I locked up the building and went home.

People were driving very silly but I got back to my neighborhood in one piece. I went to Walgreens and got more of the salonpas patches and got my prescription. I was a little annoyed when I realized she never asked for my insurance. She was just goj g to charge me $39 when it was actually free with my insurance!! The card just hadn't been on file. But I figured it out before I paid anything and got my medication for free and was much happier.

They were fixing the gate on the front door so I got stuck for a moment. The guy was very apologetic but I was like. No it's okay!! You are doing your job!!

And then I was able to get home. I parallel parked. Very proud. James was making tomato soup from scratch. It smelled excellent.

I took a shower and washed my hair while James finished dinner. And we ate together on the couch. The food was very good. And it gave me the energy to work on my planning for an hour. I got some more layout down and some writing for the first program. I will keep working on it for sure but it's going well.

Since then me and James have just been resting together. Watching videos. Sweetp was being very bad but I still want to cuddle him even if he keeps attacking me.

We are watching videos now. Sending silly pictures back and forth. But now I am ready to go brush my teeth and go to sleep. I have really been happier coming home. I love staying at camp but I'm coming to terms with being okay with not feeling forced. I can stay sometimes, I can come home when I want. Everything is fine.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Take care of yourself. Until next time.

[twinstarlovers]

Hey Mamo 🥹🐥💖 I hope you are well! How was edc?!?! 🤩😲. Oooooooo lucky 🍀✨. I kept seeing tik toks pop up about it & I was like 🙂💔. There was one where I thought I saw you in the back & my heart dropped 💀 LMFAOOOOOOOO. No but I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently. I think I’m mourning not going to edc lol. I woke up yesterday from a dream & it was like me trying to get to edc but shit kept getting in the way & I was so frustrated I couldn’t finally get there lol. Idk but instead of edc I went to Florida, it was very nice. I shall now insert pics:

Anyways yah

I keep thinking about being w you. I’m outgrowing this relationship & this life I’m living rn lol. I feel like I’ve been defensive about us lately to other people like my friend cus sometimes she thinks I’m being delusional but I’m just stubborn lol. I’m stubborn on the idea that we will be together & im meant to be w you. But yeah as I said I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately like I’ve been getting sad & been getting reminded of you in many ways & shit. You know the same old shit lol. I can’t believe it’s been years. Bruh typing that just brought tears to my eyes I wanna cry rn lol. I can’t wait for what’s next but then this ending is going to be very painful. I feel my body outgrowing the environment like reacting to it like I feel itchy & uncomfortable & feel suffocated & as I said I just want more like I’m ready to move on like I can sense it that this chapter will be closing soon & especially because June is next week bruh. My sister is getting married June 1st & you know in a way you & I have always been aligned w her & her man’s relationship on some weird universe shit. So idk. The universe really flew me out to Florida instead of Vegas smh. AT THE SAME TIME TOO. On the plane I was playing rave music pretending I was going to edc 😭 I’m ngl. I was very sad but also I was happy that I was at least going some where. Anyways yes. I miss you. I hope you had a fun time Lamo 🥹💖. Was you head banging?? 👀👾 awww ☺️

The view this morning tho 🌅🤍:

Anywaysss bye bye mamo lamo 🥹🧸❤️ miss you FOREVER. I love you 🪐