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mysteriouslybluepirate · 2 years

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Watching Con O'Neill's old stuff cause it's fun. Day #? Soldier Soldier S06 EP.09 Asking for it (Con's Conography. 1996)

In future if you want to read all of these posts, I've added the tag 'Con's Conography'. Now they're all in one nice spot!

Warnings for: Sexual assault/rape (committed by Con's character), abuse of power within the military structure, assault, abuse of power, sexist comments(what you would expect from the military).

Should I watch this before reading this? Is it worth it?:

Con plays a military official who abuses his station, sexually assaults a female private under his care, and semi-gets away with it with barely a scuff on the wrist in the end.

It's a really fucking good story about how women are treated in the military. Especially victims of sexual assault. He uses his power to try to get her kicked out. When that fails, he knows they're onto him. Without much evidence, he can't be prosecuted so he asks for a transfer, which he receives. He's not a repeat offender, his first assault happens mid-way through the episode, but he's a fucking jackass who couldn't take no for an answer. They give him internal reasons why he thinks he didn't go too far, and it is very real. If you're still interested, watch it.

Again, cause I went into this fully blind I will be saying whoreish things about Con. If you just look at his costumes, he has some 'hot' ones in this if you don't know what he does. If you look up Soldier Soldier a good chunk of it is people rebloging hot photos/gifs of Con without context.

He did this 1 year after Scarborough Ahoy and basically has a shorter haircut. Still in the 'hot young Con era'. They literally throw him into a pool fully clothed for fucks sake. After the scene happens, my tune changes. I promise. Again, they don't define him as a man with a history of assault, but Con's character is definitely the type to think 'I only fucked up once, I'm still a good person.' just fucking gross.

If it's too much skip around my live reaction and jump to the end for my final thoughts.

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So, military. Should have guessed based on that title. This intro is very 80s for the 90s. If they kill anyone I'll kind of be surprised.

CON! IMMEDIATELY!

Angry swim coach Con, yes.

God, he pulls off military type so well.

"If you've got the energy to smile, go give me a few more laps." HELL YEAH.

God, I know that's his voice, but god it sounds like it hurts.

I hate military types...so much.

This bike tampering is dumb, and dangerous, and is going to get both of them beat up. Also, these men(E-1 privates) 'respect' women more than any vet I've met.

I'd be entertained by that shit. And fucker seems like an ass so might as well give it to him.

Con looks huggable in that jacket. It's a nice soft blue. Love it.

CON IN A HAT! With a little feather.

"I never thought of you as a romantic!" GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. Can he just be evil? Or a douche? Every single fucking project this guy needs to be sad and lonely, wanting a friend/lover. Hurt by a past relationship and just wanting justice in his life. Don't get me wrong, I eat this shit up with a goddamn spoon. But Fucking HELL. EVERY CHARACTER?

HE'S DIVORCED. THAT MEANS HE'S AVAILABLE BABY. "There's only room for one woman in my life, I joined the army, she made a man out of me." I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

ALSO THAT CARDIGAN, AHHHH. It's obviously cheap military clothes, but god.

CON SMILING BABY!

(The young couple we've been following all episode) They're a cute couple (I say, a military brat that got out before I was 10. They'll fuck, have a kid, and be just as unhappy as anyone else on base. Divorce before their kids fifth birthday. Love that)

OHH I think I've seen clips of this scene!

ROBERT! THEY GAVE HIM THE NAME ROBERT. :) Funny in an Ironic way. He couldn't find a date? If he's a teacher then he probably doesn't leave base often, and a divorce? This man is going to be relationship adverse as fuck.

Also, parental issues be damned, he looks nice in uniform

I love that he got all up in his space, and Robert just looked fucking dead inside. Then he ruined his meal.

Also, please tell me he isn't going to fucking go after a woman in his charge. :). Please. Fucking please. I'm holding on by the edge of my rope, if he takes advantage of his subordinate, I will be pissed.

God, Con's speech around 12:30 sounds like a good ol' time.

BOB. I know it's a shortening of Robert, but Jesus fuck.

Also, this amount of restraint is admirable. He should have gotten screamed at.

We as the audience are probably supposed to think he's an ass. Nah, he didn't humiliate him in front of the other officers, held his ground when he thought he was being made fun of. This is just good leadership. Izzy Hands could fucking learn a thing.

Bitch, he would have already heard about them fucking. The gossip would have been spread by lower-level officers. This 'damn, she got away' thing shouldn't work.

OOooooo sexist Con line. Don't like that.

Small break to talk about a fun real life military thing.

His point about some people getting ahead by passing tests is a real thing many in the military resent. (In the US you go up an E-4 on day 1 if you have a bachelor's degree in anything, to Corprol. Hell, depending on if you were reserves you could go up higher, when most start as E-1). This motivates some to join up even after they could get a job away from the civilian world. If you are poor, you're fucked. Take the long way around and don't get good pay.

Personally I see what Robert is saying here to be the main thing Izzy holds a grudge with Stede over. Stede was able to purchase being a captain where as he had to fight for it. Possibly die for it.

Now, back to this episode. There are bullshit and bigoted reasons behind this belief, not just class-based. It's used to say why women shouldn't serve, etc. Con's a sexist pig here and says these same reasons. It is exactly the reason I never followed in my family's footsteps. In male-dominated fields they will 9 times out of 10 treat you like shit. BACK TO THE SHOW.

Robert, if you fucking assault this woman I will reach into the screen and murder your ass.

Okay, a drunken apology is fun. Jackass trying to get in her pants.

EWWWW.

Forced attempted kiss/assult.

Don't like this. Mam, just scream close to the doors if you feel uncomfortable. Jesus Christ. OH THAT'S FUCKED UP.

Okay, he's forcing himself onto her. Gross.

Also, real-life examples of abuse of military power.

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S EMBARRASSING TO PAY FOR SEX, RAPE ISN'T BETTER YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

He assaults her here.

Hey, you remember when I didn't want con to be in roles where he wasn't sympathetic. NOT LIKE THIS. This is actually one of the worst things you could have made him do.

BEAT HIS ASS UP. (This is around the 40-minute mark.)

I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF HE'S HIGH RANK, IM SWINGING.

This is where I started skipping around, thus why the rest is so short. It's all too painful and real. He's called into the office to answer for his crimes and bluff.

He threatens her in private, and thinks that he's going to get away with it.

Again, the military is in to protect their ass, but it's good to see the woman investigator standing up for the victim.

OH GOOD, FUCKING KILL HIM (he's almost drowned from the victims boyfriend, but gets stopped).

So, at the end of the day. There's not enough evidence to put him in jail or kick him out. She's left traumatized, and Robert gets away with some glares and very little else.

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Story: 8-9/10. Very real. I was wearing Con tinted glasses, but as a military kid who grew up around this shit, I almost immediately coped with him as the type to assault an officer. Lonely, doesn't get out much and feels like women owe him something. The type.

Con: ?/10 He plays A Fucking Vile piece of shit. The worst of it is you know his character has half a dozen reasons of justification. I was tempted to write out all the ones he says in the show, but no. I've heard it all before when men come onto me, and I tell them I'm gay. 'But you looked at me and smiled?' type shit. He plays the part really fucking well. Skin crawling performance of a 'nice guy'. He just does it so realistically I don't want to say like 3/10 you know?

Characters besides Con: Realistically, and sadly, more men would have sided with Robert. He has the rank, and though not well-liked, he would have been given the benefit of the doubt more than he was in the show. Everyone's performances were realistic and semi-heartwarming with how they believed the E-1. I liked the main couple and I hope they get together in the end. This a good example of why we need high-ranking women in the military.

Editing: Of it's era but non intrusive.

Overall: ?/10. I don't know how to put this one.

Again, if I wasn't ex-military kid/grew up around vets it wouldn't hurt as much. They sell you a dream when you grow up thinking the military does no wrong. How successful your male family members are and how they are heroes. But as a little girl, I quickly saw just how fucking dangerous to live up to these expectations was as an woman. On and off the field. If the purpose in this was to reassure the public that female victims would be believed, then it kind of works as propaganda.

This show fully explores it in a military with less rigor than the one I'm used to seeing. Still the same sexism bullshit regardless of where you are.

Don't worry, I'm watching a Val (BBC Uncle) mega cut after this to soothe my head.

I'd love to hear if anyone else has watched this, and your thoughts on it!

Have a lovely day.

thanks to @ivegotnonameidea for the list :)

#soldier soldier #con o'niell #con oneill #Con's Conography #Soldier Soldier #Col Sgt Robert Hicks

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madaboutmunson · 2 years

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Don't Stand So Close To Me

Word count: 8.6K

Pairing: Eddie Munson x AFAB OC

Summary: Lyra just managed to get herself expelled from her fancy private school and landed at Hawkins High 6 months ago. Determined to graduate she keeps focused on her work and hasn't made any friends yet. The one constant in her daily school life is one Eddie Munson, who she's been trying to keep at a distance for the benefit of herself and him.

Warnings: Fluff, arguing, mild bullying

Part 2 | Chapter list | Eddie Munson Fanfiction Masterlist

Lyra wasn't new to Hawkins but was fairly new to Hawkins High, having transferred from a private school about six months ago due to an 'inappropriate incident' with one of the class technicians who just happened to be the headmaster's son. So naturally, they kept their position, and Lyra had to change schools.

Despite being here for nearly six months already, Lyra hadn't made that many friends. She just felt as though after what happened at her previous educational institution, she best just get on with her work and graduate. Of course, what had happened wasn't entirely her fault, but she did recognise that it wasn't something that could have happened to just anybody.

Lyra loved to learn and revelled in being intelligent, but her kryptonite was when someone taught her something she didn't know. Guided her to a new piece of knowledge. To be bested by someone in smarts, but not belittled, just sent shivers down her spine.

That's why the incident occurred the way it did. It would have been fine if it had been a teacher and Lyra pairing. Teachers were much older, and it was their job to know more, but a typical jock-type guy who just happened to be an expert in chemistry, who was only four years older, when Lyra just happened to need assistance with a project, and the teacher had a Bunsen burner emergency.

All the pieces just fell into place, and the series of interactions that followed had caused a wildfire in Lyra's endocrine system for this, Curt, ultimately leading to her expulsion.

Walking down the hall one average Monday morning, she noted how It still felt strange to not be in uniform. Stranger still to be around swarms of people also not in uniform. Walking down the hallways was like being visually assaulted by hundreds of personalities, or lack thereof in some cases.

Though it was a lot more fun for someone obsessed with analysing human behaviour to pick apart these glaring displays of teenage peacocking and figure people out very quickly.

Lyra knew you had to look beyond the glaring adverts and find the subtext. For example, a group of letterman's jackets and cheer uniforms. One might argue that the team outfits made them all one unit, a want to be the same, to fit in. While that was correct for the most part, the more minor differences identified a person. For example, a bracelet that stands out to scream quietly 'I'm not like the others, a haircut that only they had originally but now thirty per cent of the school copied, shoes not as bright white as their teammates, or the tell-tale scuffs on knuckles from nights of frustration.

Finally approaching her locker, Lyra's daily nemesis, she takes out a pen and shoves it on the side of the door before unlocking it and then frantically wrestling it to open. Why couldn't they just replace the dumb thing was beyond her.

"You know...there is a much cooler way to open that." A voice says from behind the door.

"Yes, Eddie, I'm sure there is, but this is the only way I can do it, ok?" Lyra says, rolling her eyes behind the door, exchanging her books and closing the locker back up.

"Well...I'm only saying because..." He starts to say, and Lyra joins in with him

"...it used to be my locker," they say in a duet. Eddie frowns a little at Lyra, imitating his voice.

"You must tell me this at least once a day, Eddie," Lyra says before walking away.

"Well! Excuuuuuuse me for trying to help!" he says after her with wide eyes.

Lyra turns back, nods her thanks at him, and continues her walk to class. She probably could use his help, but she couldn't risk it. Having just been expelled, and, ok, if the worst happened, she wouldn't get expelled about it, but her parents would probably disown her if she started swooning over the devil incarnate.

At lunch, Lyra drops by the resources office to photocopy some of her maths tuition posters to put around the school.

The place was buzzing with the people who ran the newspaper. It must be either a scandal or their deadline had moved. Either way, it wasn't Lyra's concern. All she needed to do was weave her way through them and get to the copier.

Finally, at her destination, she puts in the poster, taps in the number and hits copy.

OUT OF TONER

Lyra stops one of the newsies bustling past, "Hey, the toner is out. Could you maybe replace it or point me to where it is, so I can replace it?"

They roll their eyes and peer around Lyra, "Eddie!! Did you finish the toner and not replace it...again??!!"

Lyra turns and follows their eyes, "Look, man, I was gonna replace it, just as soon as I'd finished writing everyone's names on the character sheets, alright? I wasn't just gonna leave it." Eddie says in a poor attempt at sincerity.

Lyra looks over Eddie, who already has a bag on his back and lunchbox in hand. He had no intention of replacing the toner. In fact, he was just leaving.

Lyra rolls her eyes, "I can do it, just show me where it is, ok?"

Eddie waves his hand in front of him so Lyra can squeeze past into the supplies cupboard. She looks around the shelves for something that might resemble a toner cartridge. In truth, she had no idea what to do, but she was sure it couldn't be complicated if Eddie could do it.

"It's that one there," a voice says behind her, a ringed hand pointing over her shoulder at one of the boxes on the shelves.

"Thank you, Eddie. I can take it from here." She says sharply, firmly grabbing the box from the shelf.

As she turns around, Eddie has one hand on his hip, the other in a thinking gesture, with one finger tapping on his mouth, "Hmmm...how about you just let me do it, and then the news nerds will get off my case about it?" He suggests.

"How about no, ok? I can figure it out," Lyra says a little defiantly.

Eddie narrows his eyes at her, "What is with you?" He folds his arms, "Is it because you're such a smarty pants you don't think you need help and would rather waste time trying to figure it out? Or is it you just don't want my help, personally? Or some other dumb reason?"

Lyra pulls the card, "Is it because I'm a woman? That's why I need your help with a machine?" She folds her arms in response.

Eddie catches on quickly, "No, actually. It's because you said you'd figure it out" he paces towards Lyra, "And also I need to stay on the right side of these hacks, so I can keep using their stuff for Hellfire" he raises his eyebrows at her and says quietly, "So don't try and pull that sexist shit on me, ok?" He finishes with a smarmy closed-mouth smile.

Lyra barges past him, saying nothing. Once back at the photocopier, she reads the instructions and tries to follow them.

"Not as easy as you thought, huh?" Eddie says, looming over her.

"Would you just piss off, Eddie?" she says through her teeth in annoyed hushed tones.

"Oooooooh", Eddie pretends to shudder and smiles broadly, "No. I don't think I will." He pulls out a character sheet from his bag, tears it, and throws it in the waste paper basket. "Now, would you look at that? I'm gonna need another copy now! Guess I better wait until the copier is fixed," he shouts for the room.

"Munson! Haven't you sorted it out yet?" The editor shouts over the hubbub at him.

"I'm trying to. But, unfortunately, Lyra here has her panties in a twist about doing it herself. I could have fixed this ages ago!" He bellows back across the room.

Lyra tenses her mouth, "I've almost got it, actually!" She shouts up. She hadn't, not at all, but she needed him to go away, or at least back away. Unfortunately for Lyra, only the opposite of her wishes came true.

Eddie shakes his head at her, "No, you don't, not even close."

He stoops down next to her and takes the cartridge from her hands, flipping it over in his hand with an effortless spin. "See, you've got it the wrong way here, easy mistake to make and also...."

Lyra feels her heart rate pick up, holding her breath to imprison a sigh. She's absolutely done for. The intensity of his stare on the project and how his tongue pressed against his top lip in concentration had absolutely entranced her.

The back of the arm of his leather jacket brushes against her torso, sending a tingling sensation through her body, as he reaches into the copier and flicks something with his knuckle, "That needs to be set there before you can..."

He was so close to her right now, his arm still lightly pressed against her body, his facial profile directly in front of her, and his long tendrils of hair spilling over the shoulders of his denim vest.

It took all the power she had not to inhale deeply, to capture this moment, to capture him. Instead, she clasps one of her hands in the other as if to restrain them.

He pulls off a plastic tab with his teeth. Lyra's eyes fall and focus on his mouth, those two perfect pillowy pink lips, still with the tiny plastic tab between them. At this distance, she could probably count every ridge on them or the few hairs above them that he'd probably missed shaving that morning.

Her mind wondered for a moment about the duality of his face, areas that would almost be too soft to stand running her fingers across, directly next to the coarseness of his facial hair or textured skin.

Luckily for her, his eyes are still on the copier, he's not aware of the thorough inspection he was undergoing, and he shoves the cartridge into place with a click, flicks the switch back, and looks at her, "easy as that, see?"

Their eyes meet for a split second before she hurries hers away and nervously swallows.

Lyra is frozen in place, but having torn her eyes away, she has enough gusto. She clears her throat and stands up, eyes focused on the copier, "Ok, well, I would have got there eventually. I'll just get these copies done and be on my way", she says coldly.

Eddie is gobsmacked and just stands there for a moment, frowning and silently gesturing at the copier until his voice eventually returns, "I believe the words you are looking for are 'Thank you."

Lyra is busy trying to remember why she was here in the first place...the posters, right...yep, that was it...and trying desperately not to think about any of the slow-motion replays of what just happened. Instead, in her mind, she just repeats to herself, 'It's just Eddie', 'He annoys you every day' as she taps in the number of copies and hits copy.

"Well?!" Eddie emphasises expectantly.

His demand for gratitude does the trick, and her body and brain settle again, "Yes, of course. Thank you, Eddie" her tone is almost apologetic as she gathers up her copies and makes for the exit.

As she walks away, she cannot resist a look back. Eddie, still at the copier but thankfully not looking at her, is frowning, a look of confusion on his face. Maybe Lyra had been too soft in her thanks, she'd let the wall crumble a little, and Eddie was not used to that from her.

Being on the receiving end of interactions with Lyra, Eddie mostly got sniped at, batted away, condescended to, eyes rolled at, cursed at, but thanks, without sarcasm, no.

Lyra hurries down the hallway to the toilets and takes a moment to collect herself, 'there is only the afternoon to go. Everything is going to be fine. You've just gotta get through...'

Lyra slumps her head forward in hopelessness at the realisation it was Drama next, in fact, not just next but past the end of school, getting everything ready for the performance next week.

If there was one class you couldn't escape, Eddie, it was Drama. He thrived in there, not having to sit still, improvisation. Plus, when he was engaged in the class, the teacher adored him, which just added fuel to the Eddie attention fire.

Lyra decided to head to class early and catch Mr Cooper before anyone else arrived.

"Excuse me, Mr Cooper, I'm sorry to bother you before class, but..." Lyra starts

"Ah, Lyra! Eager to get started, are we?" Mr Cooper was a stout man with combed-over mousey brown hair and glasses that magnified his eyes tenfold.

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, sir. It's a bit of a request of a delicate nature." She says awkwardly

Mr Cooper's eyebrows raise as he waits for her to continue. Lyra's brain is racing with excuses until it finally lands on one that potentially might work, "So I was wondering if I could just work on the scenery today. On my own. I just...well...I'm feeling very irritable today and don't want to take it out on the rest of the class. Plus, it will get us a little ahead for next week, right?"

Mr Cooper's eyes are wide, and his cheeks flush a little as he stumbles over his words, "Well...er...but of course...and...um very considerate of you Lyra...thank you. Do you need anything? A hot water bottle, perhaps? I can send for the nurse."

She waves her hands at him, "Nope. No need, all good here. It's more the mood than anything else" she gives an awkward work-type laugh, "Thank you, sir. I really appreciate it".

Lyra happily scampers backstage, finds a pair of overalls to throw over her clothes, grabs a tool kit and some paints, and gets to work.

She hears the bustle of class filter in, chairs scraping into the start of the class circle.

Mr Cooper's voice rings out, "So, as we're all aware, the production is next week, most of you being cast or backstage. So we'll put it to the vote....er Eddie, I haven't told you what we're voting on yet."

"Oh, I'm not voting, just we're missing our prompter slash seamstress slash lighting assistant," Eddie says a little louder than necessary.

Shit. He must suspect she's hiding out back here.

"Well, Eddie, if you must know, Lyra is working on scenery today", Mr Cooper starts, and there is the sound of a chair scraping, "Eddie!! I really wouldn't go back there! She said she was feeling unwell and wanted to work alone. So if you could take your seat please, we can get on with the lesson or rehearsal. Which is what we were about to vote on."

"Well, I vote for rehearsal, but back to the important matter here. According to that very informative play we did last month, one of the first signs of drug addiction is withdrawing from others, and if it's alright with you, Mr Cooper, I'd much prefer to check on her. Just wanting to make sure I've been an observant peer, you know?" Eddie has managed to push the correct sequence of Mr Cooper's buttons. He knows he can't refuse him. Otherwise, it makes a mockery of the Just Say No campaign, and he's actually showing that he paid attention.

There is a small silence, and then a scraping of a chair and scampering of sneakers on the wooden stage as Mr Cooper continues his vote. Lyra shuts her eyes, bracing for impact.

"There you are! What are you doing back here?" Eddie says quietly.

"I could ask you the very same, Munson." She mirrors his volume but with a hint of annoyance

"Well, I asked first, so..." He folds his arms and taps his foot.

Lyra stands up with a hammer in her hand, gently tapping it against her other palm, and stares him down, "All I wanted to do today was to work alone", she says coldly, "We are behind on the scenery because Clara was sick last week with Mono. Is that a good enough reason for you, Eddie?!"

Eddie purses his lips, tilts his head and narrows his eyes at Lyra, "You do know Clara is in Hellfire Club, right?" Lyra's stomach drops. She had completely forgotten there were any girls in Hellfire at all, "She wasn't out sick with Mono last week. That was Alan, who, now correct me if I'm wrong, helps you out with the costumes. So if anything, you should be rushing us all through our fittings."

"All the costumes are fine. We're way ahead of schedule. The scenery, on the other hand", Lyra gestures at the blank plywood backdrops, "So maybe Clara could have spent a little less time playing Merlin and a little more time as Picasso?" Lyra adds with a dash of snide.

"Anyway, why are you back here....concerned citizen?" She laughs.

Eddie smirks, pinches his thumb and forefinger together, and uses them as physical bullet points, "First of all...Lie-ra, Clara isn't a mage. Second, I just came to give you the maths tuition poster you left in the copier. Thirdly I don't think you have a clue about building structurally sound scenery. Fourth, if I were to ever so gently bump this backboard right now, it would topple over," he glances around the back of the board and looks back at her, "and take all the other boards with it. Then lastly, you don't intimidate me with your little hammer there. If I were a hard candy, maybe I'd be worried," he laughs.

"You wouldn't dare!" Lyra says through gritted teeth.

"Oh! But I would because I will get to the bottom of your weirdness earlier." He hovers a hand in front of the backboard whilst goading her with his facial expressions.

"You'll only piss off Mr Cooper and get kicked out." She says, folding her arms.

Eddie chuckles, "No, see, in any other class, you'd be right on the money, but Mr Cooper likes to let the punishment fit the crime. So let's say I was to break one of these" he pokes a board gently and it creaks for a moment before wobbling back into place, " I'd have to spend time fixing it, wouldn't I?" Eddie's eyes sparkle with mischief, and Lyra starts to feel increasingly nervous.

"Ok, well...um...we don't have to do that, alright. So what is it you want to know?" She asks quickly. Eddie's eyes lock on Lyra.

"Now that was a quick turnaround of attitude. The second one today, in fact." Eddie smirks as he puts his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "Which is exactly what I'm curious about, to be honest", he says, scanning Lyra carefully.

Lyra scoffs, "I have no idea what you are talking about, Eddie." She lies, "I don't say what you wanna hear. You plague me. I do say what you wanna hear. I'm being weird."

"It's the change in your tone", he explains, drawing out his words, and taking a step toward her.

Lyra panics and jumps to ridicule. She puts her hands to her sides and imitates a robot, complete with a monotone voice, "Does. This. Suit. You. Better. Eddie?"

"A humour defence mechanism....interesting", he smirks and hip bumps the back boards. Sending them all crashing to the ground in a domino effect.

"Oops!" He says, covering his mouth in a cutesy way and lifting his one heel off the floor

Lyra is about to lose her temper at him, but before she can, someone gets there first, Mr Cooper, "What the blazes is going on back there?" He bellows.

Mr Cooper rounds the corner and is relieved that there is actually some distance between the two of them, "Sorry, Sir, total accident. I'm happy to fix it up." He turns one of the boards around to show the drama teacher, "It was pretty fortuitous this happened now rather than on opening night, though, right?"

"Well..." Mr Cooper is swayed by his favourite pupil's charming smile, "alright then, but I want no more disturbances for the rest of the afternoon, got it?"

"But sir..." Lyra starts to protest.

"No, no, Lyra, I won't hear of it. He's broken it. He can fix it. Undoing all your hard work like that, he can at least help out." Mr Cooper adds, walking away.

Lyra's mouth becomes a tight line. Eddie's smugness is taking up most of the air backstage right now.

They work a few metres apart for the next hour or so, not speaking to one another but not in silence. Eddie makes conversation with his tools, sings or hums parts of songs, and even practices his lines in several accents.

Lyra keeps focused on making the board she has more structurally sound. She gives her board a hard push, and this time it doesn't topple over. It just moves back on its wheels. "Perfect," she says happily, marvelling at her workmanship.

The sense of achievement is another thing Lyra relished. It filled her with a fuzzy glow of joy that few other things could replicate.

"Perfect? Really? Lemme See" Eddie pounces on the opportunity to converse once Lyra utters a singular word.

She hears him run across the stage, but before she can stop him, he's launched himself at the edge of the board. Then, to both of their surprise, he simply rolls away, gripping onto the side of it rather than causing any damage to himself or the board.

The surprise on Eddie's face as he rolls past Lyra makes her erupt with laughter, and as Eddie scoots back on the backboard, his look of alarm has melted to a smile and occasional soft laughs of his own.

"It's a damn good job, Lyra. I'm gonna ask if we can rewrite a scene so I can sail in on it" he theatrically puts his hand to look into the distance before dismounting from the board.

Lyra is wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes. It wasn't even that what happened was that hilarious. It was more an explosion of real emotion rather than having to keep things hidden.

Eddie, still smiling, puts his hands in his pockets and kicks at the floor a little, his eyes looking between it and Lyra. "I guess I'm not so bad to be around, huh?"

Lyra catches her breath as her laughter dies down. She feels almost guilty. Sure she'd wanted to keep her distance, but not at the expense of his feelings. She had been sure he was so cocky that it wouldn't have dented his ego in any way, but clearly, her behaviour had at least caused a scuff to it.

She looks at him and gives him a half smile of apology but says, "Maybe I should get to painting", and hurries away to get the pots and brushes.

The regret she feels for hurting someone makes her want to explain, but how could she possibly without outing herself as a complete weirdo, mainly because of earlier at the photocopier.

Maybe she could be a bit nicer from here onwards but still keep her boundaries.

She gathers up the equipment and heads back to find a distinct lack of Eddie, and she almost feels a little disappointed. Which was a curious feeling to have. She would have expected relief to be the more prominent one.

Lyra sketches out a background along the boards, lays on the first layer of colour and grabs an apple from her bag to snack on whilst waiting for it to dry.

She looks over the landscape and tries to design the next phase in her mind. Where all the highlights and shadows might go, maybe some embellishments to make it more three-dimensional.

She grabs some newspaper and screws it up into roundish shapes for some of the cartoon tree leafy areas. Using some glue to help them hold their body and starts painting them green in a little production line.

When she gets back to the start, she adds a darker green to all the crevices and decides to repeat the process but with a lighter green on the highlights. Just as she starts, she hears the familiar jangle of chain and zipper tags.

"Eddie?" She turns to see the metalhead jogging back towards the stage with a big brown paper bag.

Lyra looks at him in confusion.

"Well, I said I was gonna help, but I just had to meet someone, and then I made a snack pitstop," He says, a little out of breath, places the bag down on the ground between them, slides off his jackets and kneels on the floor next to it observing her work.

"Trying to give the trees a little more pizzazz, but the highlighting is trickier than I thought", she motions at the thin lines she's added to some of the higher-up edges.

"Ok, well, these are very nicely done, but there is a quicker way to do this, but it has a lot less finesse. Dry brushing, you heard of it?" He chuckles and adds quickly, "And please, it's just a suggestion. I am not trying to make you mad" he holds up his hands close to himself in a show of passivity.

Lyra eyes him suspiciously for a moment. Eddie was always trying to make her mad. Finally, she changes the subject, "What snacks did you get, then?" Eddie eyes her curiously, and his chest raises a little sigh, but he answers the question anyway.

"Erm...well, I got some apples, candy, chips and sodas. Just you know, ones everyone likes, I didn't know what you would like."

Lyra looks in the bag, and there is a mixture of items, most things Lyra liked at least. Eddie's eyes move between the bag and Lyra's expression. "Wow, thanks, Eddie. Let me just..." She scans the bag, adding up approximate prices, reaches for her wallet, and hands Eddie the money. He puts his hands up in refusal, but Lyra frowns and juts the money at him again.

"Just take my half for the cost. The kind gesture is still one hundred per cent yours" Eddie begrudgingly takes the money, but there is a slight smile exchange when he does so, making him grin down at the paints.

"So...dry brushing..." He starts to explain before Lyra cuts him off.

"Look, I can't tell you exactly why because it's private, but I just wanted you to know that it's not personal. It's not specifically you, ok? You aren't awful to be around at all. But, honestly, I'm a little ashamed I made you feel that way. So apologies for that. I will try my best to be kinder, but maybe you could listen to my boundaries the first time too? Is that fair?" She blurts out quickly.

Lyra doesn't look up from stirring the white and light yellow paint into the green to make a lighter, more vivid green for the highlights. Though she thinks she can feel his eyes on her, she dare not look over at Eddie's expression.

"Hey, how did you know to put the yellow in too? Not many people do that, but it keeps the green from getting muted when it's lightened." Eddie asks, sounding impressed.

"Just paying attention in art class, I guess", Lyra shrugs, handing over the mixed paint to him.

"Yeah, bet you learn loads more at private school, huh?" Eddie says, grabbing some paper towels and a brush.

Lyra is taken aback, "You know I went to private school?" She quizzes him.

It's Eddie's turn to shrug, "Yeah, you know, people talk. Plus your outfits and the way you talk sometimes". He says casually.

Lyra would much like to question this further, but it felt like dangerous ground. Before asking a question, if you had the time and thought, you should always ask yourself what you hope to gain from the answer. She knew that probing further into his analysis of her was purely to feed her own ego, so she resists.

There is a few seconds of silence, almost like Eddie is leaving space for her to ask more, but when it doesn't happen, he takes the dry brush, dips the tip of it in the light green mix and begins wiping it on the paper towel.

"What....are you just wasting paint right now?" She says, bewildered.

"A little, but probably not as much as you think. Watch this." Eddie continues to drag the brush along the paper until it leaves the faintest of green streaks and then lifts the brush to the green paper mounds. With a flick of his wrist, the tips of the bristles lightly glance along the most protruding parts of the paper, adding a faint remnant of light green paint as if it were touched by sunlight.

"And you know you can add more if you like, it's a little scrappy, maybe, but the effect is pretty cool, I think", Eddie says, eyes fixed in concentration on the "leaves" as he passes the brush over them.

Lyra would like to reply. She knows she should because she's leaving the silence in the air for far too long, but watching this guy was affecting her. She couldn't deny it.

How could someone so brash, draped in rough denim, chains and metal rings, be so delicate? The display was almost graceful. Every brush stroke caused a new body part to be drawn into focus. Whether it was the way, his rings caught the light, as the bones and tendons in his hand appeared and disappeared under the skin of the back of his hands. Or if it was the way the muscles in his arm flexed as he moved through the stroke.

Her eyes follow him as he moves towards and away from the project, checking it from different angles. Shifting his weight from one leg to the other, making that hip sway outwards. His concentration forces his tongue to his lip again, and Lyra's focus is drawn to his mouth like a moth to a flame.

His mouth moves, but she hears nothing. The mouth turns into a big smile "Earth to Lyra?!" She hears this time as he tilts his head at her and laughs.

"Sorry, zoned out for a minute there...paint fumes..." She smiles back and shakes it off, "I think it looks great...the painting of the leaves", she adds, quickly grabbing a brush of her own and copying what Eddie had done earlier, so there was hardly any paint on the brush.

As she applies it, she's a little too heavy-handed, leaving a much bolder line of paint than hoped. She adjusts her grip on the paintbrush and tries again, it's better but not quite as good as Eddie, but it's getting there.

She hadn't really taken Eddie as a perfectionist, but she could sense energy from him of urgency whenever she messed up the paint. It doesn't take long for him to appear beside her with his hand hovering above her paintbrush, "May I? Please?" His words were coated with a bit of desperation.

She hands him over the brush, and he shows her again, "Like that, see?" He hands the brush back, and she tries again, but being under his examination flusters her a little, and she slips up.

"Ah, fiddlesticks!" She says, frowning and stepping backwards.

Eddie chuckles to himself and scoops up her paintbrush holding hand in his. He closes in on her side so that his arm aligns with hers and guides the brush stroke faintly over the edges of the paper construction, "More like that", he says softly.

Lyra feels his arm hairs tickle against her skin, and it's all she can do not to physically shudder because he's so close he'd feel it. He's so close she can hear him breathing, and for a split second, she shuts her eyes just so she can listen to it more clearly.

Lyra is more than aware. She had hoped not to get in this precarious position again. Though at this point, she wasn't sure if she was just trying to convince herself of that. So, she takes control of the brush and mimics the motion exactly.

"By Jove, I think she's got it", Eddie says enthusiastically and moves away from her releasing her hand. Lyra busies herself, just repeating that brush stroke over the rest of the display where needed, leaving silence to fall between them again.

"So you're a painter then?" Lyra throws a question over to Eddie without looking.

"A painter as in I paint things, yes, rarely pictures though", Eddie answers, tidying up some of the paints and putting them back on the trolley.

"What do you mean by rarely pictures? What else would you paint, fences? Cars?" She laughs a little while adding finishing touches to the last lot of leaves.

Eddie re-emerges from the wings, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, and scratches his head before folding his arms, "So like yeah cars, banners, Erm miniature figures". the last item is spoken a little quieter than the rest.

Hearing the awkwardness in his voice Lyra looks around the board at Eddie, his arms folded, looking at her with a forced look of not caring.

"Feeling defensive about these figures, are we?" She smiles.

Eddie purposefully unfolds his arms and starts talking animatedly with them, "You know of all the things people could give me shit for around here. It's always the most harmless thing that gives me the most grief. But, yes! I like painting figures for my game because it adds to the experience for the players and me, and it's also very relaxing. So I ask you, is that so bad?"

Lyra looks wide-eyed at Eddie's rant, "I am not judging you, Eddie. I just didn't know what else you might paint, and then when I looked over, your body language was all closed up." Lyra gives a slow blink and softens her gaze from surprise to sympathy, "Clearly, it's something precious to you, and I, for one, think that's pretty shit that people give you a tough time about it."

"Well, I wouldn't have used the would precious. That makes it sound a bit childish, but yeah, I like it." He adds with a slight pout.

"From what I've heard about hellfire club, I would be expecting something far more demonic than childish", Lyra adds with a laugh.

"Well, I guess some are, but that's because they're the bad guys, you know, there are heroes too. It's just a fun game to get lost in for a few hours a week, you know, it's not all sacrificing firstborns and speaking backwards," he says, finishing his spiel in a creepy voice.

Lyra rolls her eyes, "Ha, ha, very droll. I've seen the people with hellfire shirts on, and honestly, I figure the only thing getting sacrificed at that club is self-respect and maybe some moon pies" Lyra puts the teasing out there but immediately worries if it was too much.

"Sorry, Eddie. I'm just not totally used to not mocking you just yet" she looks up at Eddie, who is smiling broadly, his dimples carved deep into his cheeks.

"Oh, don't worry, Miss Lyra. I'll be sure to let you know if you cross a line." His hands go to his pockets again as he paces around the stage, looking for any bits and pieces to tidy away.

"So despite you constantly telling me to go away, you've actually noticed the shirts and who I sit with at lunch?" He asks in leading away, almost a little coaxingly.

"Well, let's see. To be honest with you, it does pay to know your enemy, so yes, I did, but even if I hadn't, it's not like we don't get a tabletop performance every now and then in the cafeteria, is it?" She smirks as she speaks, "But, I don't think I'm the only one being watching people at lunch, Eddie" She turns her eyes to him and then looks down at the brown paper bag on the ground.

She picks up the last of the paints and puts them back, "Even though you told a whopper saying you didn't know what I liked." She adds before moving behind a screen to remove the dungarees from over her clothes and hangs them back up.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I just got the most popular things," He says with a little break in his voice.

Lyra smiles behind the screen and decides to stay quiet. To see if the knowing silence would break him.

Eddie is quiet for a few moments before erupting into confession, "Ok, I admit it. I know the snacks you like, ok, because I was trying to observe you to gain a common ground or a gift so you wouldn't hate my guts. And who doesn't like snacks, right?"

"Is that important to you? That people don't hate your guts?" She asks as she walks to grab her jacket.

"Well, some people are a lost cause, you know, but ah, some people, it would be a real shame if they did because, you know, they might be interesting to get to know."

Eddie lays the trap, and Lyra's Ego can't resist.

"What makes a person interesting enough for that, then?" She screws her eyes shut as soon as she asks, knowing she's been got.

"Oh, well, I guess the type of person that takes down Jason Carver and Mrs Poole on the subject of Satanism, fucking effortlessly, by the way."

"Yeah, that might not have been the smartest thing to do on my second day here, to be honest," Lyra says, putting on her jacket and sitting down at the brown paper bag, reaching in for an apple. "It was just they were so stuck on the literature and crazy side of Satanism, they wouldn't see the other side of it, which is essentially nonconformity, and living your life to the full, right? I don't practice it myself, but at my last school, it was healthy to debate things like that, here not so much."

"Yeah, but that line you said really fucked them up...yeah, that was it when Jason was all red in the face, foaming at the mouth the way he does about God, and he shouted..." Eddie theatrically embodies an enraged Jason Carver, almost launching himself over a table and pointing at a non-existent person, spittle flying everywhere.

"...he shouted, 'Well, some of us are too busy trying to make this world a better place, the way Jesus intended it, and don't have time to read about crazy devil worshippers' and then you were like..." Eddie runs around the table, pulls up a chair crossing one leg over the other, and looks at his nails, looking very calm in his seat.

"...and then you said, 'And yet they do take time out to learn alllllll about you.' My god, that boy froze in fucking space and time. If you'd gone up to him and said 'Boo' he probably would have pissed himself." Eddie can hardly contain his joy, reenacting the scene.

"Well, I just meant that they are usually quite well informed on Christianity because that's the people that challenge them most of all, and in some ways what they wish to push back against when it's forcing people into moulds they can't fit into" Lyra adds to defend herself.

"He still glares at me in the halls", Lyra adds with a laugh.

"Ah, don't sweat it. He's been like that with me for years." Eddie says reassuringly, sitting on the other side of the bag and grabbing a soda.

They both look over the backboards, admiring their handy work, "Not bad, not fucking bad" Eddie raises his can to Lyra, who hits her apple with it in a cheers-type motion.

"Yeah, not bad for two people that absolutely should not be working on the scenery", Lyra laughs, looking over at Eddie for a moment before moving her eyes back in front of her. He's leaning back on his elbows, his slender frame at an obtuse angle with its lower half and his dark curly hair draping over his shoulders like a portrait of Charles II.

"Maybe tomorrow you'll let me help you with your locker?" He says, gently taking a sip of mountain dew and not tearing his eyes from the scenery display in front of them.

Lyra lets out a small laugh, "Oh, don't get ahead of yourself now. You've gradually worn me down throughout the day at this point. Tomorrow morning I will be fully topped up with fury."

Eddie nods a few times, "Ok, ok. Fair, but at least I know you don't hate me. So there is that, I guess."

Lyra checks her watch, sighs and gets to her feet brushing down her clothes. Eddie jumps to his feet, hurriedly putting his jackets on, picks up the grocery bag and rustles through it, handing over half of the snacks to Lyra.

She goes to take them but then thinks better of it, "You know what...maybe save these for...um...tomorrow." Eddie pauses for a second, smiles and shoves the items back in the bag.

"Sure, tomorrow." He shakes his head as his smile widens and raises his big brown eyes to meet Lyra's, "Tomorrow sounds good."

They might stay that way for a second too long when Eddie speaks, "Do you need a ride home? It's no trouble." He offers pleasantly.

"Um...no...I actually have someone picking me up tonight. Normally I'd get the bus, but you know, staying over and all," she says a little awkwardly.

"Oh, ok...well yeah...of course...I just offered because of the whole bus situation," he says, a little disappointed.

"Yeah, my folks only let me stay late if they know Phil can pick me up that day." She explains, "He works for my Mom and Dad, so they know his schedule already" she pauses for a bit, "but I could walk with you to the parking lot, you know, as we're both heading that way."

Lyra swears she hears a crestfallen sigh from Eddie, but when she turns to him, he's wearing a smile, "Yeah", he nods, "makes sense".

The short walk outside is mostly awkwardly quiet, with occasional accidental bumping into one another's arms while navigating the smaller areas of the school, followed by apologies, the rolling of eyes and small laughs.

They get to the parking lot, but the only vehicle present is Eddie's van.

Lyra turns to Eddie and extends a hand, "Well, goodbye for now then."

Eddie looks at her hand, confused, then looks up at Lyra with raised eyebrows, "I know you're not new to the town, Lyra. But there is no way I'm gonna leave you here waiting on your own. This town is crazy. People go missing all the time."

Lyra's stomach drops. She didn't want Eddie to see this, to see Phil, to expose her secrets. But it was clear he wouldn't budge, and Lyra didn't have the energy or want for another argument today.

"Tell you what, how about a compromise. You wait in your van, and you can still see I'm perfectly safe from there. Sound good?" She offers as an alternative.

"Oh, I see", Eddie nods, "Phil's the jealous type, is he?"

Lyra's brow contorts with amused confusion as she looks at Eddie. Then, finally, she shakes her head and laughs, looking at the parking lot entrance.

Eddie leans into her personal space, imitating a posh voice and playfully mocks the situation, "Or are you afraid he's gonna run and tell Mummy and Daddy about the ruffian he's seen you awful close to after school?"

Lyra gently pushes him away, laughing, "You're an idiot," she says outwardly, but can't deny the next swallow is difficult, having felt his body through his t-shirt for a moment.

Eddie rests on her hand for a split second, laughing before he backs away, straightening up. Lyra feels his laughter vibrate through his chest where her hand is, and the sensation through her fingertips makes her want to press her hand flush against him, but he's already moved away.

Lyra gestures to Eddie's van, "So? Compromise?"

Eddie pulls a face like she's just made the most ridiculous request in the world. Lyra responds with raised eyebrows and a nod towards his van again.

Eddie rolls his eyes, exhales loudly, slaps his hands on his knees, and stands up.

Lyra can't resist a chuckle at his dramatics, which ignites a smile on Eddie's face.

"You don't give away too much with your words, do you?" Eddie asks almost suspiciously, with a smirk, "I'd bet, sometimes, they don't even say what you mean. Do they?" the gentle way he utters that last question amplifies the raspiness of his voice.

The pleasant sound and observation catch Lyra off guard, "Um...well...I...er..." She tries to say something, but it's almost like Eddie just noticed a chink in one of the many walls Lyra built around herself and took a sledgehammer to it.

"Oooof!" Eddie laughs, wrapping his hands around his torso. "Well...maybe-" Eddie starts before he's interrupted by the crunch of gravel and the sound of an engine.

"Shit!" Lyra mumbles under her breath and takes a few steps back from Eddie.

Eddie glances at her retreat and frowns a little before he draws himself up to his full height, pulls on his jacket and vest sharply to adjust them, and juts out his jaw with a severe look on his face.

They watch the all-black, tinted windowed Chrysler Executive approach. as it pulls up in front of them, it stops. The driver's door opens, and a tall, broad-shouldered, cropped red-haired, suited man gets out and walks around the car.

Lyra glances at Eddie, who gulps nervously but does not change his stance one iota. She looks back to Phil, who nods at her, and opens the car's back door for her, eyeing Eddie carefully. "Miss Lyra?" Phil's deep Scottish accent booms out kindly.

Lyra awkwardly walks to the back seat, smiling at Eddie and giving a wave as she passes him.

Eddie's expression changes from serious to a thoughtful head tilt, and then a huge toothy smile, "Tomorrow then?" He shouts after her.

Holding onto the top of the back seat door, Lyra looks confused at him, "Well, of course, I would never dream of skipping school. Now hurry up to your van. You can see I am quite safe." She says with a hint of sharpness, her words a little more pronounced than usual.

Eddie pushes his lips out, hollowing his cheeks and narrows his eyes that are smiling at their corners. He hunches his shoulders, slowly moves his hands into his pockets, and starts an off-beat walk, with intermittent spins around to look back, toward his van.

Lyra ducks into the back seat as Phil closes the door, resumes his position in the driver's seat and starts up the car again.

"Um...Phil, would you mind if we waited for my friend to leave first? He says it's dangerous around here." Lyra asks a little bashfully.

Phil smiles and nods in the rearview mirror, "Aye, of course, Miss Lyra."

Eddie starts up his van, and whatever music he's been listening to blares out at full volume as he places the brown paper bag somewhere in the van.

"You've never mentioned a friend before, Miss Lyra. Are ye new acquaintances?" Phil asks, looking at her in the rearview mirror again.

Phil had been in Lyra's life as far back as she could remember. His primary job had been chauffeur, but Lyra knew there was much more to him than his job title. The most information she had gotten from him about his past was that he used to be in the navy. She had seen him intercept a gun from someone more than once, only to calmly assure the said person that walking away was their best option.

Phil never lost his temper, ever. When the secret of what had happened between Lyra and Curt had been exposed, Phil had rushed to the school to collect her. Only to be met with a screaming headmaster and their son who was denying everything he could, despite being caught in the act.

Phil had been the one to stand in front of her, to protect her from the verbal tirade, to shut down the spiteful comments and retrieve a conversation of facts from all sides.

Phil had then been the one who pulled up at a pharmacy on the way home. Phil had been the one who spoke to her parents and dried her tears of relief and confusion in the days that followed. They shared no blood, but their bond was one of the strongest in her life.

She looks back in the mirror at Phil, "No, he's been bugging me since day two here. I have his old locker. I'm usually pretty mean to him, to be honest." She laughs a little with embarrassment.

"But not today, I guess?" Phil smiles in the mirror.

"No. Well, at least not all of today" Lyra smiles back and looks out the window as Eddie's van finally leaves the parking lot.

"Mm-hmm", Phil makes a noise of understanding and starts driving home.

Most of the drive is quiet until they get close to home, "Miss Lyra, I know it's not my place to tamper in your affairs. I just wanted to ask, is he a student?" Phil asks tentatively

"Yeah, we're in a lot of the same classes. We're just new...um... friends, that's all," she assures him.

Phil relaxes a little and nods with a smile before pulling up to the gate, punching in the code, and entering the main driveway.

He stops the car outside the front door and walks around to open Lyra's door. She looks up at him, "Thanks for picking me up today, Phil. I wouldn't have got so much scenery completed if you hadn't"

Phil gives her a half smile, "Yeah, well, don't make me regret it, ok?"

Lyra smiles back warmly and walks inside the house.

The warmth of her smile soon fades on entering the coldness of her home. On auto-pilot, she exchanges her shoes for pair of slippers devoid of personality from the closet on the left. She checks the other sets of beige slippers, which are still in their places, indicating no one else was home.

Lyra checks the fridge and sees a green leaf salad with her name literally written on the top of the container. The chef must have prepared this earlier. Lyra grabs a water, heads upstairs to her room and starts setting out her desk for homework to commence.

As she sat down, she looks out her window onto a wooded area and couldn't help but wonder what Eddie was up to right now. If his mind was swimming with maybes? Or had he just gone about his evening, as today hadn't phased him at all? Maybe it was just nice to not be snapped at for once?

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddiemunson #eddie stranger things #eddie the freak munson #stranger things fanfiction #fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie x reader #romance #eddie x oc #eddie munson oc #eddie munson fluff #eddiemunsonfanfiction #eddie munson fanfiction

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xaren-jo · 2 years

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it's hilarious, really. i used to think that there's some intrinsic, immutable quality about me that would always expose me as "actually a woman" to everyone, no matter how i felt inside and no matter how i physically presented, so there was no use even trying.

but all it took was a haircut and a wardrobe change for people on the street to refer to me as "young man" without a second thought. i wish i could tell my younger self about this, about how easy it would be. well, okay, not easy, but. just that the gap is not insurmountable.

the thing that worries me is people taking a second, closer look, or hearing my voice, and realising what i am, and then the looks on their faces after that. sometimes it's just momentary confusion, but sometimes i think it's disgust? maybe anger? or maybe i'm just projecting my own insecurities onto strangers, i don't know. i wish i wasn't so dependent on other people's opinions about me.

some days, when i'm feeling happy and mischievous, i love being confusing. i like knowing that i don't fit into one rigid box. i like that some people will read me as one, and some as the other. i used to fall a little bit in love with people like that whenever i saw them as a kid, and it sparks joy knowing that i'm one of them after all, and i belong somewhere in the end, and it's a good thing to be what i am, actually.

other days, my skin crawls with a sense of wrongness whenever i go outside, like i'm not supposed to be there. i expect disgust and anger from people. it's unnatural to be what i am, immoral and scandalous. (i never did fully understand what's immoral about dykery/faggotry/gender fuckery, but i internalized it all the same.) seeing me is an unsettling experience, and parading myself out there is malicious, unconscionable, like exposing an innocent child to a mutilated corpse. how dare i offend people's senses with my presence? i should have tried harder to be what i'm supposed to be. the better option for me would be to hide, or to not exist at all.

nobody even got on my case yet, and i'm already wound up and tired. bah.

when i'm feeling less down and less complacent, it pisses me off knowing that there are people out there who think that i deserve to feel that way and even worse. i'm reminded of that every time i hear about the recent anti-lgbt laws, or when i hear a passing disdainful remark from colleagues or friends or family. they don't even aim it at me in most cases, but i've become oversensitive to such things, i think. i worry that i see offense where there isn't any, and when there actually is bad intent there, i'm paralyzed. i can't defend myself, because part of me believes the things they say.

i'm just trying to exist and do my thing. what did i ever do to deserve such hatred?

for the sake of my mood, i'd better finish this on a high note. so in other, better news, yesterday was a sunny day, and i went for a walk. i'm in need of a new jacket, but the trouble is, i'm even worse with men's fashion than i am with women's. i've no idea what kind of jacket do i want, and it doesn't just have to be fancy, it also needs to actually keep me warm. i went to a couple stores, but i couldn't find anything, so as i walked along the street, i looked at the men passing me by, trying to figure out what i liked or didn't like about the way they looked, and what i might borrow of their style for myself.

i wish i had a fashion savvy friend to go shopping with me... but anyway. all those men outside were so different from each other, every one of them handsome or cute or good looking in his own way. the clean and slick city boys dressed to impress and the workers in grimy clothes, with worry lines on their faces and dust deep in the creases on their palms. the younger guys, smooth-faced and with curls escaping from underneath their hats, the gruff older guys with dark sulky eyebrows and grey beards. the ones hurrying somewhere on very important business and the dreamers strolling carefree down the street.

ahem. got a bit carried away there. as i looked at them, there was that yearning that i have always felt, a recognition mixed with sadness and longing for something i can't have. but now there's also joy in knowing that i'm not a different breed from them after all. i'm bridging that gap. just gotta keep living and keep moving in the direction that makes me happiest.

#personal #how do i tag this so as to not lose it in the clutter #agh #boy this got rambly

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kilannad · 1 year

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As the Stars Burn On Chapter 22

Masterlist. Ao3.

Chapter 22 Anniversary

“Usopp, I'm telling you I usually just fight with it.”

“And I'm telling you that you're an idiot who doesn't know how to take care of your hair.”

Gajeel snapped his teeth at Usopp, but it was more playful than anything. He was in too good of a mood to be honestly grumpy; having an early morning makeout session tended to do that to him. He didn't know why he'd assumed that Laxus would be the type to keep his hands to himself until they got to land--and thus privacy--but he'd been thoroughly disabused of that notion when Laxus had stopped him in the storage room before the rest of the crew had woken up. While they had agreed to wait until after Merry was taken care of to approach Lucy directly, they'd been rather lackadaisical in discussing themselves. Considering how long Laxus had lived with Lucy in Alabasta—and been traveling alone before that--Gajeel guessed he had more than a little pent-up energy.

Not that he was complaining, of course.

Usopp tugged hard on his hair, pulling it out of the metal on his shirt. Gajeel snarled, dragged out of his reminiscing. “Motherfucker!”

He only clucked his tongue. “This is going to be a bigger project than I thought.”

Lucy walked up the steps, pausing when she saw them out on the forecastle.

Usopp, likely having not seen her, ordered, “That's it, take off your shirt.”

“Did I...interrupt something?” Lucy asked. Annoyed, but knowing an opportunity when he saw it, Gajeel only shook his head and pulled off his shirt. For a woman who regularly traveled with guys who went half-naked, Lucy had the ability to go very red, very fast. “Wow, okay. If you two need privacy-”

“I'm helping Gaj with his hair,” Usopp announced.

“I didn't agree to this in any way.”

“It physically pains me to see your hair such a mess.” Usopp kicked a stool under Gajeel's knees and he relunctantly sat down and let Usopp drag his head back and dunk his hair in a huge tub he'd set up. The water was surprisingly warm.

“If you wanted a haircut, I could have Cancer do it. He does all of mine.”

Usopp paused his riffling through a series of bottles, raising a brow. “The crab dude, right? Do you want Luffy to try and eat him again?”

“That was one time,” Lucy defended. “And Luffy doesn't eat his friends. It's the only reason I'm not concerned about cannibalism.”

“Bunny, if that's the only reason, then you should definitely be concerned.”

She huffed, slapping the water so it went splashing over his head.

“Oi!”

“You deserved it.” She paused, sticking her hand back in the water. “It's warm. Tell me you didn't use all of Merry's hot water for this.”

“Of course not,” Usopp said. “There are a few heat dials set up on the inside to warm up the water. Unlike some people, I'm not a heathen.”

Gajeel felt like that last comment was needlessly pointless. “I'm telling you, my hair has never met a brush or comb it didn't destroy. Be glad I haven't accidently strangled myself with it.”

“That's because no one's ever showed you how,” Usopp pointed out. “Give me...hm, four hours.”

“Hours?!”

“Maybe five. You have a lot of hair.”

Gajeel very nearly called it off, generally having trouble sitting still for one hour, nevermind five. Considering his hair, while annoying, had generally worked for him in the past, it really didn't seem worth it. A pity that he'd developed a weakness since leaving Phantom.

“Can I watch?” Lucy--the weakness in question--asked. Gajeel tilted his head to look at her; the angle was a little strange, but he could see her eyeing the various bottles and brushes that Usopp was setting in a neat line. He didn't know why she wanted to watch him suffer through a hair treatment, but if it would distract her from Merry, Gajeel wouldn't take that away.

“Only if you keep me entertained,” Gajeel teased. Red crawled up her cheeks and it earned him another splash, but she settled nearby in a lawnchair Sanji brought up for her. She had a stack of newspapers with her, a single bounty poster on the top. The three of them settled into the comfortable quiet that was so alien to Gajeel yet so common on the crew. Even Usopp found no need to fill the silence with exagerated stories; he hummed a little tune under his breath and worked with the dedicated focus of someone following a ritual they held sacred.

Usopp dunked Gajeel's head back, beginning to work something into it. It smelled like cedar, which he appreciated--though he wasn't sure when Usopp had figured out what soap he prefered. Usopp worked it deep into his scalp, massaging the conditioner in and working it through the heavy strands. Despite himself, Gajeel found himself relaxing into the treatment; when Usopp scratched just along the base of his skull, he practically melted.

The shuffling of pages from Lucy paused and Gajeel cracked his eyes open to look. She was staring at him, an amused smile taking over her face.

“What'd ya staring at, Bunny?”

“You're purring,” she said gleefully.

Gajeel very deliberately started evening out his breathing. “No I'm not.”

“You were.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh Mavis,” she laughed. “I thought I'd heard it from Natsu once or twice but Gray thought I was nuts. So dragons do purr.”

“Who's Natsu?” Usopp asked.

Lucy's smile wavered before it came back just as brightly. “Natsu's a member of my team. He's a fire dragon slayer.”

“He's a lot like Luffy,” Gajeel admitted, though he scowled. “Never tell him I said that.”

Lucy pretended to consider it. “Well, I don't like lying to my teammates...”

Gajeel snorted, leaning forward as Usopp wrapped his hair up, conditioner still in. “Anyone who ever said you were sweet has never met you.”

She batted her lashes at him, eyes unecessarily wide. “Who? Me?”

Gajeel rolled his eyes. “Just tell me what you want, Bunny.”

“Do dragons purr the same way as cats? Like whenever your happy?”

Groaning, he banged his head against the tub. “Trying to ruin all our reputations?”

“Just curious.”

“Fine. We do...purr...but usually when we're content.” He stopped there, unwilling to say the other part; that dragons tended to purr when surrounded by their hoards and they knew they were safe. That was not something anyone needed to know.

Except maybe Laxus. Did he even know he could purr? Gajeel prayed he'd be there when he found out.

Desperate to change the subject at this point, Gajeel jerked his chin at the pile of newspapers. “What ya looking into?”

She bit her lip, poking at the pile. “It's probably nothing.”

“That means it's maybe something.”

Sighing, she held out the bounty poster. It showed a long, narrow faced man with blond hair and three tattoed lines about each eye in place of eyebrows. The bounty was 130,000,000 beries.

“Alright,” Gajeel whistled. “So who's he?”

“Basil Hawkins, captain of the Hawkins pirates. His bounty just jumped from 98 million to 130.”

“This guy is worth more than Luffy?” Usopp screeched. “Talk about scary.”

“Bounties don't only involve the physical strength, Usopp,” Lucy explained. “While that is part of it, bounties also represent how big of a danger the World Government considers them. Eustass Kid is strong, sure, but his stupid high bounty has more to do with the fact that he's a civilian killer and tends to leave the marines sent after him in pieces rather than the fact that he's strong.”

“So what's the jump for?” Gajeel asked.

“Invaded a castle and stole the national jewels from an allied country.”

“And this is maybe interesting because...?”

“Because his epithet is 'Magician'.”

Gajeel blinked, looking closer at the image. It was a closeup of his face, though Gajeel wouldn't be able to tell if he was a mage by a picture anyway. He didn't look like anyone he'd ever seen, but that didn't mean much.

“You're thinking, what, he's one of us?”

“Is that dumb?” Lucy worried her lip, staring at the picture. “There are too many questions about him and I don't like it.”

“Is that even possible?” Usopp asked. “That there are more mages here?”

“The Rune Knights were crawling all over the ruins,” Gajeel pointed out. “And I wouldn't be surprised if they got a magic supressionest to shut the whole thing down.”

“I figured as much. It's just-” She cut herself off with a groan. “Maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see.”

Lucy, Gajeel had long since learned, suffered from some of the worst self-doubt he'd ever seen. It was dumb as shit since she was one of the most competent people he knew, but understandable considering her shit father.

“What do you know about him?” he opted to ask instead of pointing any of this out.

“Only a little which is why it's weird. Suspected to be in his late twenties/early thirties and from the North Blue. That's where all information about his origins stop--he started his crew in Whiteland Kingdom but they deny him as a citizen. His powers include straw manipulation, which is probably from a Devil Fruit, and--this is the important part--card magic.”

Gajeel straightened, suddenly a lot more interested. “Card magic like Cana?”

“I don't know. Everyone is assuming it has to do with his Devil Fruit but that doesn't make any sense. People just say he reads his tarot and does 'card magic'. It's what caused his epithet.” She fiddled with the edge of one paper, refusing to meet his eyes. Usopp had gone very still and quiet, watching the two of them. “Do you think it could be possible?”

Gajeel's gut said no; what were the chances that someone else from Earthland had landed in Terra? Then again, what were the chances that he had landed here? More than anything though, he felt for Lucy. The easier it was for people to fall through here than the easier it should be for them to get home. Yet he couldn't make himself lie to her, no matter how lost she looked.

“I don't know, Luce. I just don't know.”

☉

“So your hair can be tamed,” Laxus noted in wonder. He reached a hand out, tugging at Gajeel's locks. He responded with a half hearted smack, but let Laxus get a feel. It was softer than before, and tamed into a more managable mane instead of a wild nest. Unlike most hair products, Laxus didn't smell any chemicals, just cedar oil. “How the hell did you manage this?”

“Usopp,” Gajeel shrugged. “Apparently he has a lot of the same problems.” He nudged Laxus towards the main deck--they'd entered a warmer climate and Sanji had taken to serving meals outside where they had a little more room. “Did Lucy tell you her theory about Hawkins?”

“Yeah she came and mentioned it. Don't know how much I believe it.”

“I had the same problem,” Gajeel agreed. “If it is true...?”

“Then we deal.” Laxus rubbed a hand through his hair, watching Lucy as she got into a heated debate with Robin; they were both smiling, eyes crinkling even as they argued. He couldn't deny the warmth he felt at the sight--and the concern about what was to come. If there was someone else from Earthland here, than how many others how fallen through?

And had any of them ever found their way back?

☉

Far away in the New World, where the ocean was rutheless and the strong ruled with iron fists, a beloved son returned home.

Marco banked hard into an updraft, the hot wind pushing through his feathers and sending sparks of blue flame spiralling through the air. He'd flown through a hail storm and straight into a heatwave on his way back, but he hadn't stopped. Pops had asked a favor from him; Marco had never said no to him and he wasn't about to start now, even if this mission was the hardest he'd been on in ages.

Below, a white beacon of safety in the wide blue sea, the Moby Dick appeared on the horizon. She was as huge and glorious as the first time he'd seen her at 14, Whitey Bay's hand a warm weight on his shoulder. Marco hadn't been the first person Edward Newgate had called his child but he had been the first to call Whitebeard Pops in turn. In the nearly three decades he'd sailed under Whitebeard, not once had Marco regretted his choice.

A cheer went up on deck as he swept close, bleeding off speed and height in smaller and smaller loops. There'd been an undeniable air of mourning in recent months, the death of one brother and betrayal of another staying heavy over all their heads; yet still, the Whitebeard Pirates kept going, living always for those they'd lost. Now if only Ace would call to let them know he was okay, Marco might rest easy.

Marco landed lightly, gladly taking the welcoming pats from his siblings welcoming him home. Many of the Commanders were off on missions right now, spread through their territory to make sure Teach didn't have any other nasty surprises planted; even with so many gone, though, the ship was full and lively.

“Welcome back, son!” Whitebeard called and one final cheer went up before the crew returned to their duties. Marco launched himself up, settling on his father's shoulder where they could talk quietly while keeping an eye on the ship.

“Good to be back, yoi. How're you doing, Pops?”

Whitebeard hummed, face crinkling into a smile. Only Marco could see the concern etched into his face. “You're home safe, what more could I need?”

Ace back, Thatch alive, Teach's head on a spike. Marco didn't say any of it, but he thought it. He hadn't survived the New World without developing some instincts and everything in him was warning him of shifting tides. Something big was coming, he could feel it in his bones. But what?

“Did you get it?” Whitebeard asked quietly.

With a nod, Marco slipped a long box from his pocket, handing it over. It was comically tiny in Whitebeard's huge hand, but he handled it carefully, using a single finger to flip it open. Even smaller than the box, velvet padding keeping it safe and unmoving, a long key sat. It made Marco's skin crawl, though he didn't know which part he hated more. The fact that it was seastone, the carved constellation of the rooster, or the bird head that stared up accusingly and seemed to have too many teeth for a chicken. If he didn't know better, Marco would think it had a will and Voice of its own--his observation haki was nearly always going off with it near. Something about it tickled his memory, but he couldn't place where he might have seen it before.

“What is it, yoi?” Marco whispered.

With a troubled look, Whitebeard dragged a finger along the length of the key. “Something extremely powerful that shouldn't fall into the wrong hands.”

“But...if you knew about it, why did you let Ochoku keep it for all these years, yoi?”

“He can't do anything with it,” Whitebeard answered dismissively. He scanned Marco a little closer. “You didn't have trouble getting it?”

“Got caught on my way out,” Marco admitted. He was good--great, even--but stealth wasn't his specialty. “Didn't try to fight, just run, yoi.”

“Good,” Whitebeard said. “You couldn't beat Ochoku alone.”

It wasn't an insult, merely a statement of fact. Marco tried not to let it bother him, knowing as he did that Ochoku once sailed as an equal to Whitebeard. That didn't answer any of his questions though.

“If it's useless-”

“Not useless,” Whitebeard corrected. “Ochoku simply can't use it.”

“Pops,” Marco whinned. He didn't need to know all the things Whitebeard had floating around his head, but his curiousity had been peeked. It was rare for his father to avoid answering a question which only made this more interesting.

In fact, there had only ever been one thing Marco had asked that Whitebeard had refused to answer.

“Does this-” Marco paused, lowering his voice even further, suddenly understanding the seriousness of the situation. “Does this have to do with what Roger told you, yoi?”

Silently, eyes never leaving the length of seastone, Whitebeard nodded.

“The seas are changing, son. An old current is picking up, and we need to be ready for it.”

Once, years and years ago, Whitebeard had gone to have a meeting with the Pirate King; only the Commanders knew about it. When he'd come back, Marco had asked what Roger told him.

It was the only time Whitebeard had refused to answer him, which had been answer enough.

Marco didn't know what a strange key had to do with the One Piece, but he figured he better make sure the infirmary was stocked anyway.

☉

“Chief, if Whitebeard isn't going to do anything-”

“Then we wait.” Deep in the New World, the ocean was rougher, bluer. His old captain had once said it even sounded freer. Shanks didn't know about that, but it certainly was his favorite place. Well, second favorite. A certain East Blue village would always hold his heart.

Not far away, on an island he made a point to never look at, someone else kept hold of his soul.

Shanks had more regrets than he wanted and he could only hope this wouldn't become another.

1524. The world just had to hold on until the end of 1524; then the dawn would come.

☉

It was official; Gajeel and Laxus were trying to kill her. Lucy buried her head more firmly in her book, determinely not looking down to the main deck. They'd enetered a spring island climate and it had gotten notably warm; Lucy had switched to skirts and short-sleeves again, which was very reasonable. What was less reasonable was Gajeel and Laxus taking off their shirts for their sparring session. They weren't using magic, just practicing their hand-to-hand, both of them topless and sweatdrenched.

Maybe a little peek wouldn't hurt.

Laxus caught Gajeel's arm, flipping him over his shoulder and onto the ground; Gajeel hooked a leg around, bringing Laxus down with him so that they were pressed together. Gajeel leaned up and said something in Laxus's ear that had him throwing his head back in laughter. He stood, muscles flexing as he hauled Gajeel to his feet.

Lucy cleared her throat, dropping her eyes almost as soon as she registered the scene. Yesterday had been a similar show, after which they'd dragged her in for training and proceeded to tag team her until she was her own sweaty, disgusting mess, cussing them out from lunch till dinner. The day before that they'd settled next to her while she was writing and proceeded to pass out along her legs, their hair a soft tangle in her lap.

She'd been a blushing red mess for days now and while they played innocent Lucy was positive they were doing it on purpose. Thus; attempting to kill her.

A line of hands bloomed from the deck, passing the newspaper down the line until it dropped in her lap. She called out a thanks and received a quiet 'your welcome' from the disembodied mouth on the back of her chair.

No, Lucy's life wasn't weird, why would you ask?

Perfectly happy to ignore the bizarre turn her life had taken, Lucy snapped open the newspaper, scanning headlines for anything interesting. Shanks and Whitebeard had been in the same area of the sea and everyone was predicably screaming about it; another island had gone Revolutionary; and the Big Mom Pirates intercepted a shipment of Heavenly Tribute. All and all, the usual set of nonesense. She nearly turned the page, before something caught her eye.

It was hard to keep track of the days at sea sometimes. Things tended to blend together into one weird mash, dates becoming background noise. Yet Lucy couldn't believe she'd forgotten this.

“Terra to Bunny.” Someone tugged her hair, and Lucy blinked her way out of her thoughts. Gajeel, towel tossed around his neck, was leaning against her, arm on her head. Laxus, similarly topless, had sat at the foot of her beach chair, one hand rubbing her calf.

Laxus frowned at her, eyes scanning closely. “You alright, Princess?” His newest nickname—another cause for her heart palpitations that usually left her a blushing mess—barely registered.

“Yeah,” she murmured. When neither of them looked like they believed her, she added a little lost. “It's the seventh.”

Laxus seemed to understand, closing his eyes as if he were physically pained. Gajeel, still confused, guessed, “Wasn't it your birthday this week?”

“What?” Oh, right. Lucy had honestly forgotten; turning nineteen seemed like such a minor issue these days. “Yeah, on the first. But...”

“It's been a year,” Laxus filled in. He squeezed her leg and she was glad for his strength. “Since we fell through. It's been a year.”

Gajeel's breath caught. For a long second, the three of them sat in perfect silence. Then, with great feeling, Gajeel blew out a breath. “Fuck.”

Lucy laughed, only a little hysterical. “Yeah.” Clearing her throat, she could only find the strength to say again, quiet as the wind, “Yeah.”

There really wasn't anything else they could say. For all that they'd been stuck here a year—or near as, in Gajeel's case—they still didn't know how to get back. They had clues, sure, and we're closer now than when they started, but how long would it take? It took three years of a person missing before they were declared dead in Fiore, and they still had to get all the way around the world. That was if the answer to get home really was on Raftel.

She knew, objectively, that time was passing as they traveled as Straw Hats. That her friends and family back in Earthland would be concerned. Somehow, it still felt too real all of a sudden. Like the fact that a year had passed—how many anniversaries would they celebrate?—put it all into perspective; they were gone, and time kept moving.

“I've been a Fairy Tail mage for two years, as of yesterday,” she murmured.

For a long, long while, the three of them sat together in silence. There was nothing any of them could say.

☉

For all that Lucy wished time would stand still, the world kept on spinning. The ocean continued to try and kill them daily—typhoons, sea kings, underwater volcanoes, Marine patrols, take your pick—and the crew fell into their new normal. Robin laughed more, her warm dereshishi echoing alongside the rest of the crew; Lily and Zoro became sparring partners, getting yelled at daily by Nami and Usopp to watch it, don't hurt Merry, damnit! Usopp started joining Sanji in the kitching, keeping the cook entertained as he worked on his various projects; the whole crew got new cups, specialized for them all. Laxus and Gajeel spent far more time together than Lucy ever expected—when they weren't alone, they were with her, usually pushing all sorts of boundaries that she never quite managed to enforce.

They all trained, her Spirits getting stronger daily, even as Loke and Sanji got into pissing contests. While Shé continued to be unable to address anything from the Void Century, he did continue to work with Crux and Gemini, the three Spirits using his new connection to Marine den-den lines to build a truly terrifying collection of information. Merry didn't appear again, nor did they have any more unexpected leaks spring; yet all of them knew she was in pain, and did their best to be careful for her.

Lucy hadn't given up hope, but each day of Gajeel and Laxus cringing at some unheard sound reinforced what they already knew—she was dying, and it might already be too late.

Finally, nearly a full month after they'd dealt with the nightmare bounty hunter, they saw what Lucy would later realize was the first sign of land—and the trials it would bring.

“Oh!” Luffy called, leaning so far over the railing that Zoro grabbed his shirt. “Look! There's a frog doing the front crawl.”

“Frogs don't do front crawls,” Gajeel countered. He dropped the shells he'd been making for Usopp, joining the rest of the crew as they all huddled around Luffy.

Pantherlily alighted on his shoulder. “Of all the things we've seen since we got here, a frog doing the front crawl is where you draw the line?”

“All the things we've seen usually have explanations,” Gajeel pointed out.

“Who cares?” Luffy interrupted. “Let's eat it!”

With their captain's orders set, the crew got to shifting the Merry's course. There was indeed a huge frog, bigger than Laxus, doing the front crawl determinedly through the waves. Not even Nami storming out of her room, ink on her fingers, could deter Luffy's fixation though, and so off they went, Merry creaking in his ears as they asked for more speed than she was probably willing to give.

They closed the distance quickly, the frog pausing in the middle of the ocean, not far off their port as they slowed. Luffy reared back, already drooling as Sanji listed out possible frog-centered meals.

“Wait!” Laxus screamed, grabbing Gajeel and yanking him towards the rear of the ship. He struggled for a second, until he heard it.

The unmistakable roaring sound of a train whistle. And it was heading right towards them.

#as the stars burn on #one piece fanfic #fairy tail fanfic #lucy heartfilia #laxus dreyar #gajeel redfox #laxus x lucy x gajeel

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deep-hearts-core · 2 years

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2010 - semifinal 1

originally posted 6/18/20

Moldova Ugly 2010 outfits aside, this is actually a pretty good song. Olia and Sergei are pretty good singers, and that stage performance was so fun and energetic! I think we need to appreciate Sunstroke Project's violinist a lot more. Epic Sax Guy definitely deserves the love he gets, but violin guy also really brought the energy, definitely started the song off right. Russia I'm so baffled by the fact that it was Russia who sent this. It's so folksy and just... weird. Peter Nalitch sure does have a lot of feelings. I like it though! It's really nice to listen to and definitely a break from Russia's usual stuff.

Estonia This is just really weird. I like the chorus but I don't like that the camera angles are exactly the same each time through. Malcolm Lincoln sure does have a signature stage energy, feels almost manic to me, and while it does make the song stand out in everyone's memory that isn't necessarily a good thing. Slovakia There are many good things about this - I like Kristina's voice and I love the woodland aesthetic. I think the song was well-served by being in Slovakian, which is such a lovely language. I think the background singer really harmonized with Kristina well. However, putting that backing singer in a wedding dress? Not the move! There were also a couple sections of the song that were weird - the bit after the first chorus where Kristina is lifted up and the background singer is just doing weird shit, and the part towards the end where Kristina is just vocalizing. Staging didn't suck but it wasn't overall strong.

Finland This is cute. Lots of nice harmonic stuff and I really like the way the singers' voices sound together. However, the weird tempo stuff is kind of putting me off the song. It slows down and speeds up and slows down again and it just makes the song seem to stall. Latvia I like this entry insofar as the one clip that everyone uses in their recap videos. The rest of it is too strange for my taste. Aisha in a bathrobe, cross necklace, and bondage shoes singing about Mr. God and her uncle Joe? I mean, the song's not even that good. Especially dislike the verses. Aisha is a strong singer I guess, especially at the end, but she did have a tendency to go off-key a little bit. Serbia My best friend and I have a joke that Milan Stankovic looks like a Kpop boy with that bad haircut. Honestly, the outfits are what I hate most about this! Like yeah Ovo Je Balkan is a meme song but it's really fun, there's nothing actually bad about the composition and the performance was pretty good. Bosnia & Herzegovina A strong entry musically, but I especially love the staging on this one! It's so good, especially in the beginning with the lights and the smoke and the music combining to really simulate a thunderstorm.

Poland Snow White has come to the Eurovision stage! This song has such a strong beginning but then it really let me down. I don't like the jazz influences in the verses and I saw no need for the random backing singer to have a costume change seemingly out of nowhere. Incredible backup singers though and I did enjoy the chorus. Belgium Me And My Guitar is probably one of my favorites from this year. It's sweet and calming, and it doesn't try too hard - all the show comes from its simplicity. Malta Absolutely nothing special about this entry. Thea has a strong voice, the staging is for the most part nice, but it's nothing that stands out. I do, however, really dislike the bird dancer towards the end, it just looked weird. Albania This song goes hard! In terms of composition alone it's definitely a favorite. I think Juliana is a fine performer but there are aspects of her performance I don't like... her styling, for one, that outfit and that hairstyle. Greece Definitely energetic with competent staging, but Giorgios doesn't have a strong voice and I really dislike the verses.

Portugal Not a huge standout, but Ha Dias Assim is a nice enough song, with a tasteful performance sung well by Filipa. I really didn't like the pink lighting though, it was a bit much. North Macedonia I love love love the chorus in this one! Staging is pretty good and while the rap part does kind of come out of nowhere I don't actually dislike it. Gjoko's live vocals are good too. Belarus I hate this song so much. It's so boring, so saccharine... vocals aren't even that good, the butterfly wings that pop up are literally the only interesting thing happening here. How the heck did this qualify? Iceland Oof, once the last chorus really kicks in with the key change this song goes so hard! Yeah, Je Ne Sais Quoi is a pretty middle-of-the-road song by any modern standard but I really enjoy it. Hera has a good voice and a lot of stage energy and the song isn't, like, fantastic or anything but it definitely suits her and the stage.

My personal qualifiers Belgium Russia Albania Bosnia & Herzegovina North Macedonia Iceland Moldova Portugal Slovakia Serbia Miscellaneous thoughts Voting during the entries is such a weird concept. I know they only did it for two years but like... who thought this would be a good idea? The skit with Erik trying to lead the fans around Oslo was really funny!

#esc reviews

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fantasticcloudcreation · 4 months

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June 4

Just watched one of those feel-good movies on Netflix and the main guy looks exactly like one of my leads at work, had a lil crush on him before just bc he's hot and funny and unattainable but now that his movie character is also sweet and loving I'm like damn 😍 looking forward to seeing him at work again now 🤣 funny how it works like that... Realistically the only way I'd have a chance with him is if I moved up into a management role but like that's not entirely out of the question so..??? We'll see what happens (probably nothing haha)

Today I ate a mushroom flatbread, some sweet potato fries, a glass of rosé and a bag of microwave popcorn. I think that's it actually? I guess I'm getting back into the practice of casually not eating. Helps that I've been staying with my mom and she's always on a diet, she was joking about her new diet being "no food in June" and I'm like "that's not healthy" but also low-key hopping on board lmfao. About to go visit my foodie friend and I know he's gonna take me somewhere good to eat so I gotta prepare myself for that lol but it'll be ok!

Also the other day the bartender was looking at my ID and was like "you lost weight, your face is so much thinner" I'm like girl thanks nice to hear my face looks thin but I think technically I was probably around the same weight, just a bad haircut + bad lighting in the photo lol. I've had that pic since June 2017 (should've gotten a new photo when I got my license renewed this winter but I did it online and didn't feel like going into the DMV) But that was right around the time I started really losing weight, actually hit my LW like 6 months later, funny how life works like that haha. At least my ID pic isn't from my LW or people would be constantly telling me I gained weight 🙃

Anyway!!! I still haven't exercised besides the very short walk to the bar to pick up dinner. But I'm leaving here tmro, visiting two sets of friends then driving somewhere who knows where I have the next month off work so I could technically go anywhere but I think I'm gonna visit my brother and my dad and stay at one of their houses to do some art/craft projects. Also pick up some legal weed so I can get high and feel creative, cut back on the vape/alcohol. And hopefully exercise every day bc otherwise my body will lose all of its muscles and I need to get my cardio levels back up to like, medium at least haha. 🙏 Things are working out!!!

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twobuckhowie · 1 year

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Wisconsinite in California

I'm not going to say I hate working, because I don't. I'm bored. So I need something to do. What I do hate is how much time I'm away from writing. I have tried to write this post for over a week now! I get an idea, that I believe is good, while driving around, doing my job, and by the time I get home, I say to myself, "What was I thinking?"

(My sister hates comas)

I usually just sit down at my computer and start writing whatever comes into my head. Which has proved to be confusing for some of my readers since I am a treble speller and have lousy grammar skill.

(Okay, enough with the bad puns. You understand what I mean)

Now, I finally came up with a story that slapped me right across my face.

*****

Yesterday, I was on my usual morning constitution of walking 5 miles a day around a local golf course when I saw someone I haven't seen in over fifteen years. We had a business adventure together which started out extremely well, but after a year started losing money. I pulled out of the project after a squabble we had about his book-keeping skills. We haven't spoke to each other since.

He was playing golf, and I could tell he didn't recognize me at first, but I knew who he was. So my plan was to keep on walking along without saying a word to him.

Unfortunately, he must have thought about who I was. He threw down his club and came running up towards me saying, "My friend. What have I done to you?"

That widen my suspicious eyes. But, I didn't say anything. I didn't have to, because he kept on talking.

"I purposely ruined our business for a tax loss because my real estate business was taking a big hit after the Great Recession of 2008. If I knew it was going to ruin you, I probably wouldn't have done it." he explained to me. As if this was a perfectly good reason and I would understand.

I still said nothing, steaming inside, thinking if I should punch the guy.

Then he said, after an awkward moment of silence, "Here, take this fifty bucks. It's all I have on me. The next time you see me golfing, come out of the woods or wherever you are squatting and I'll give you a hundred."

I said nothing but took the fifty.

"Okay," he said. "I've got to go. Look for me in a week or so." Then he goes running off to be with his golfing partner.

So I went home, got into my Mercedes, drove to a local barber, and got a haircut and a shave!

This is,

Never Judge A Wisconsinite By His Beard

Jim Hauenstein

And

"Wisconsin cuisine? Is that even a thing?" Sabrina asked. He smiled. "Have some state pride. You know, kringle, booyah, fish boils, cheese curds. Do you have a favorite?" Sabrina took a few breaths before responding. "Kringle... and anything with cheese.” - Amy E. Reichert -

That is my story and I am sticking to it! Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Follower or Leave a Comment I would love to hear from you Thanks for reading Be kind to everyone I'll be seeing you

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#blogging #writing #blog #humor #two buck howie #storytelling #humorous #fiction #fantasy #flash fiction

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fuckyeahdindjarin · 2 years

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What should I write next?

400 followers celebration

When I picked up writing again 4 months ago, I never would have dreamed that anyone would want to read my work. My readers, who interact with my writing in any shape or form - you mean the world to me, THANK YOU.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the talent for taking prompts and requests. But with Consent coming to an end, I thought it would be fun if you guys could let me know which of my Pedro boy fic ideas you’d like to read next! (You guys know how slowly I write lmao, so I'm planning ahead to make sure I get in the right head space for my next project.)

Leave a comment or reblog on this post for your vote (or votes)! If you want to do this anonymously, you can send me an ask as well.

Here are the contenders, in no particular order:

1. Try Me

Javier Pena x Centra Spike analyst! fem!Reader | mini-series | humour, light-hearted yearning with angsty themes | set in Season 2 of Narcos

Summary: With Colonel Pinzon sidelining the Americans in the hunt for Escobar, it just means more time for inter-agency intoxication, tomfoolery, and making bets you probably won’t win with a certain DEA agent.

I posted a sneak peek a while ago of a drabble idea I had within the Try Me universe, if you want to get an idea of the tone of the story.

2. Under Three Suns

Javi Gutierrez x fem!Reader | mini-series | unashamedly self-indulgent summer romance | inspired by Under The Tuscan Sun

Summary: Your beloved grandmother leaves you a rundown cottage and neglected olive groves in Mallorca after her passing. Her only condition of your inheritance? That you never sell the land to her neighbour, who you discover has a penchant for colourful shirts and Nicolas Cage.

3. Grays

Frankie Morales x colourist! fem!Reader | one-shot | Frankie deserves validation and self-love

Summary: I’m just going leave what I screeched at LJ @prolix-yuy while I was getting my haircut a couple of months ago -

Me: I’ve never really wanted to write for Frankie before. But I’m at the hairdresser’s and I suddenly got the idea that Frankie came into Reader’s salon to get his greys dyed cos he’s going to his cousin’s wedding or something, and she’s like HELL NO I will do no such thing

LJ: And he’s all bummed out looking in the mirror but once she’s like “I’ll give you a fantastic cut and style but you better not cover up the silver fox you got going on,” he’s suddenly looking at himself like damn, I do look kinda good 🤤

4. Palomino

Jack Daniels x fem!Reader | one-shot/mini-series (TBD) | super self-indulgent horsey romance (my wildest fantasy)

Summary: Unable to get a refund for a week-long horse-riding pack trip you'd booked with your ex, you decide to go solo. As it turns out, a rebound with a cowboy named Jack while traversing the wild landscapes of Wyoming might just be what you need.

#follower milestone #narcos fanfiction #javier pena x you #javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction #javi gutierrez x you #javi gutierrez x reader #tuwomt #triple frontier fanfic #frankie morales x you #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales fanfiction #jack daniels x reader #jack daniels fanfic #jack daniels x you #agent whiskey x reader #agent whiskey x you #agent whiskey x female reader

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tiffanylamps · 2 years

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I am wondering how did JW get through the first couple days or weeks after DS’s and HGH’s arrest? We watched the drama for 16 episode then many developed the serious brainrot. What does it feel like for JW who has spent the last several months in the case, developed the deep relationship with DS and Manjang people, twisted and turned and endless late nights…then all of a sudden everything came to an end at that night…. Cannot imagine the hollowness he must have felt. How did he get through with just himself ? I bet Hyuk must be there for him but must still be very very hard. I am wondering how YJG and SHK feel after this project. Have they experienced similar withdrawal like us? #mental-dump #just-want-to-chat-with-someone #it-is-good-to-see-jw-smile-after-a-year-but-he-must-have-gone-through-a-lot-of-xxx

Firstly, thank you for your message. I appreciate that you took time out of your day to contact me <3

So... Heartbreak interlude/Post-Canon Han Joo Won? The man of my (albeit minor) worries and concerns? The small baby cherub himself that... gosh, simply put, he needs therapy.

Let's get into it. I'm going to overshare my headcanons and hopefully give satisfactory answers to your questions along the way...

[grab all of the snacks and stay hydrated. I go on about it for about a decade because I don't know how to stfu. As always, excuse my dyslexia pls]

[EDIT 12/07/22: I added some more thoughts because i cannot be stopped... someone stop me pls]

Okay, firstly, look at that gif, look at the Joo Won we are being presented in the ending scenes and tell me he's okay. He looks so worn out, emotionally suffocated; as if he has put all of his emotions into a glass jar and has been huffing on it just to get a hit. Joo Won is vein and yet, he hasn't had a haircut, he's wearing the same clothes, he has bags under his eyes, he walks with a shyness that isn't like him, etc, etc.

Han Joo Won is a confident (not to be confused with his arrogance) man. We do not see that confidence at the end of ep. 16. I read his body language as someone who has been strung up to dry, through his own doing. He has spent an (almost) year emotionally self-flagellating because of what he did. Joo Won is semi-responsible/directly involved in three people's murders. The guilt must be weighing a tonne on him. That, including his overwhelming feelings of guilt/complicated feelings toward Dong Sik... well, I don't think he would be dealing with it in a healthy way.

Joo Won doesn't scream like he's a "i go to therapy and take my meds and openly talk about my trauma in a healthy constructive way, whilst learning to slowly forgive myself" kind of guy. Quite the opposite.

(yes, hit your chest with a loaded gun whilst you have an anxiety attack... people, his finger is on the trigger!!! what are we going to do with his man?)

How did JW get through the first couple days or weeks after DS’s and HGH’s arrest? (my thoughts only, based on my wild imagination and lack of knowledge) Joo Won was one of the lead investigators in the national /international scandal of the decade: the murder and cover-up case of Lee Yu Yeon, involving the lead suspect, General Commissioner of South Korea's police force, Han Ki Hwan. He was not the arresting officer but he was a leading detective of that case, working undercover/behind everyone's backs with his colleague from the Inspection Inquiry department at headquarters (from my understanding, it's basically Internal Affairs), who also happens to be the deceased twin brother. [He's also the arresting officer for Lee Chang Jin, Park Jung Je, Jo Gil Goo, and Do Hae Won. that's a lot of paperwork and a lot of court hearings.] Yeeeah..... that's a sticky situation. I fully believe that the South Korean version of the CPS (crown prosecution service) would have wanted Joo Won off that case as quickly as they could because his involvement will make it very messy in court. [Personally, I think HKH would have a solid appeal and I think it might even go through because of Joo Won and Dong Sik's handling of the case. A half-decent lawyer could make a meal out of the relationships/dynamics at play here.] He is also the arresting officer of his partner/ his father's arresting officer... Which is just... yeeeeeeeah. a. lot. So, he'll be doing a lot of paperwork, following procedures, answering SO many questions and I think, just going through the motions, completely and utterly numb to it all. Emotionally, he would have checked out in order to assure he brings justice to the victims and their families.

But that emotional numbness won't last for long...

I fully believe he would become a media sensation but not because he wants to be. I think the press would follow him around and dig every ounce of his life as they can, so they can sell more papers/get more clicks regarding HKH's case. (they follow him to and from work, sit outside his flat, find all of his favourite spots, contact everyone and anyone who could have dirt on him... basically, make his life a living hell). Also, the fact that Joo Won is handsome and annoying is a factor. He was also correct about the Manyang serial killer, investigated his own father and arrested his partner- gosh, well, there's a lot to be said about him.

(come on, the insta pages created in his honour would be bountiful. he has nice clothes, great hair, that face, a nice arse that doesn't quit, and a funny personality... He's the young "star" of a modern Shakespearean scandal. it's bound to happen.)

So, I think he would be harassed by the media/public throughout the duration of his father's trial. He'll be ostracized by MANY people within the police force because he's uncovered the extent of the institutional corruption. He'll be a very busy boy, who is on the edge of falling apart 24/7 because life is a lie/gone to shit.

How did he get through with just himself? I bet Hyuk must be there for him but must still be very very hard.

Okay, so let's get to my headcanons and talk about my juicy (unhealthy) theories of what Joo Won's (almost) year away could have looked like.

It's either he:

He works very hard and keeps his head down. He's quiet and tries his best. He applies himself to prove that he's not his father's son. Perhaps, over time, he reconnects with his mother's side of the family and that helps him develop an identity outside of his father's shadow. Or.... my preferred theory... (it's dramatic, just HJW)

Joo Won is a fucking mess. He is someone who cares more than the average person, he holds himself to a very high standard and is his own worst enemy. He is suffocating with guilt, it drenches him to the point he is soaking; heavy and unable to move. His day-to-day life is a slug that he endures because it is the right thing to do. But at night, or when he's alone, he's a trainwreck. I believe Joo Won has substance abuse issues (as hinted with his drinking in the show) and I think that would get much worse post canon/the interlude. Joo Won drinks to punish/numb himself, he drinks alone and during the day. We never see him drunk but that could be because he's very good at controlling that side of himself... Well, as someone who has control issues like him (wanting to be in control but also, has a very bad temper/easily loses control with the right pressure/if Dong Sik pushes his buttons), what if something so traumatic happened to him that it forces his self-control out the window? What then?

(this boy loves to punish himself. He's a masochist, I tell ya. Maybe he'll get into BDSM, who knows? it might be cathartic for him; losing control in a controlled setting)

I think he would allow the sides of himself that he's been repressing his entire life to come exploding out. It's messy, ugly, and painful but germination isn't a pretty process. It's a cold undertaking that happens alone, in the dark corners of one's mind, and doesn't always succeed first-try. But like many seedlings, Joo Won can survive in the dark and has an abundance of perseverance. He just needs to spread his roots and keep reaching toward the sun; with patience, he will eventually see the sky.

But he can't do it alone.

There are three important men in Joo Won's life:

His father: Han Ki Hwan

His partner: Lee Dong Sik

His other: Kwon Hyuk

He sent one to prison (who gave him massive daddy issues, let's be honest), he arrested the second (who he had a complicated/queer-coded relationship with) and that just leaves one behind. One left out of three... and you know what? I think in pure Han Joo Won style, he would have become desperate, compulsive and obsessive over Hyuk.

(there aren't enough gifs of Hyuk. It's a crime. I love him so very much.)

They are the remaining sons of a dying dynasty*; a defamed house that is burning down to the ground, ignited by the molotov cocktail that Joo Won threw himself.... lit with the aid of his partner. HE WOULD BECOME SO RELIANT ON HYUK, I can't even begin to explain it.

*someone play Dynasty - Rina Sawayama

Hyuk would become his everything. He would do anything; he would self-sabotage to hell and back if it meant he got to keep the only person left to him. (his last remaining family member) Hyuk is his friend, his forced rival, his pseudo brother, his sore spot, his sweet spot, and someone (depending on your interpretation of the text) he may felt some non-platonic feelings for, at some point in time (i.e, adolescent crush/sexuality awakening/first love kind of situation.... they gave each other funny looks, okay? don't blame me, the Han family is weird!) Joo Won means a lot to Hyuk. He would LOVE Joo Won relying on him, so he would really step up. [[ I think that in the future, this would cause tension between Hyuk and Dong Sik (kind of like: I picked up the pieces you left, bitch. ) ]]

Anyway, anyway, anyway, in summation: I think Joo Won will have a horrible time of it. He would be so focused on keeping himself accountable that he'll end up punishing himself through self-destructive means. He would reach a point where Hyuk is like "enough is enough" and drags Joo Won's self-pitying arse home and sets him straight (lol). Joo Won would try to reconnect with his Lee family (his mother's family) either physically, or privately/mentally, so he can try to find his true identity (outside of his Han heritage/father). I think they'll be a lot of self-discovery, punishment, and an explosive release of 28 years worth of tension. He'll make many mistakes and it'll be a very sad and lonely process. But through Hyuk's guidance and his own need to carry on, he'll learn to grow and uphold his promise: to never treat anyone the way he treated Dong Sik (never hurt ds again). (ep. 12, 34-ish minutes in) I fully expect him to gradually (over many years) finally accept to go to therapy but I think it would take a very troubling (police) case to get him there. I also believe that it would take years for him and Dong Sik to get to a point where they could even consider exploring what the hell they had going on. They need a lot of time to heal and grow; to accept and forgive each other, and themselves.

I LOVE the idea of them being messy idiots for years. Who continuously make mistakes and drive the other insane. But they both stubbornly stay by each other's side like glue because they're cut from the same cloth. (Come on, let's be real, has Joo Won been ever been this comfortable with anyone else? So open and real, so himself in every way; even the ugly and immature parts. Dong Sik has seen every side of him and still accepts him. beautiful. and Joo Won wants to be in Dong Sik's life so desperately, he wants to be good for him and bring him happiness- he wants to make his life easier. according to the script, Dong Sik sees Joo Won as his saviour...... that's heavy. what a beautiful bond) No one understands them the way they understand one another. No one will accept them the way they accept each other. No one else will have the shared trauma and therefore, the patience they need to be with one another. I love the idea of them developing a deep friendship. I read their dynamic as romantic, so I would suspect that at some point along the way, they would explore that side of it. Whether they could make it work or not... I don't know (I hope so)

I am wondering how YJG and SHK feel after this project. Have they experienced similar withdrawal like us?

I'm not too sure. But considering Shin Ha Kyun received an award for his wonderful performance and made a rare appearance on social media to celebrate the 1-year anniversary of Beyond Evil, says that he hasn't forgotten about it. Yeo Jin Goo, on the other hand, can't escape it. He's currently starring in Link: Eat, Love, Kill which is basically a (headache of a show that has massive problems with its tone but is still very charming) het romantic comedy version of Beyond Evil, including basically the same storyline, just told from a different perspective, even including a few of the same actors. So... I don't think he's going to be forgetting any time soon. [We need a season 2, mainly so we get more of these wonderful characters and 10/10 cast/crew. but also because we didn't get an editorial fashion shoot with these two (SHK & YJG) and that is a crime. I said it, someone needs to do time. Joking aside, I don't think they ever will (make a season 2) because if they were to follow jwds's story, they would have to explain some stuff... the actors could see, the audience can see, and the creative team leaned in towards it... so, do they have the bravery to make the show queer? like 100% canon no-second guessing queer. I don't think so.]

So.... yeah. Before I write a 20-million-words about Han Joo Won (which would make me more pathetic than him lol), I'm going to leave this here. Joo Won is a delicious character with so much depth that he can be interpreted in many different ways. I think that's just wonderful.

Just because I see him as a little weirdo who uses kinky sex, drugs and alcohol to punish/explore himself, whilst pretending everything is fine on the outside, and still somehow making it to work (just) on time, *inhale* doesn't mean you or anyone else has to see him that way. He's fab, this show is fab, and you are fab.

Thank you for your message. I hope this answers your questions. I also love talking about this show, so thanks for choosing me to be the person you chat with.

[EDIT: I should include that I think the majority of Joo Won's grieving and destructive behaviour will happen during the almost year-long interlude. I do believe that once he knows that Dong Sik doesn't blame him and actually still feels affection for him, the weight will be lifted and he go down the path of self-forgiveness. He'll mess up and be silly along the way but I fully can see him one day living a relatively normal life, living with someone (preferably a certain someone) who understands and supports him. His future is FULL of love and discovery.]

As always, if anyone wants to add to the conversation, please feel free to do so. I'm sure many will disagree with me and that's okay, this is just my opinion of one of my favourite fictional weirdos.

May he grow and learn to love himself (he deserves so much love, bless him).

Bye for now!

#beyond evil #jtbc beyond evil #han juwon #han joo won #beyond evil analysis #beyond evil replies #beyond evil meta commentary #jwds #lee dongsik

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