#guys those bullet points are over 1000 words... see this is why i needed a break before writing it out

[scandalouslamb]

Felix Ravinstill Time Travel AU

I answered an ask a while back from @tumblingghosts about how I think a time traveling Felix AU would go, but I only covered what would happen if he was taken back to the year of the 10th Annual Hunger Games. Here, I will speculate a bit about what I think will happen if he went back further (backpacks, since you expressed interest, hope you don't mind the tag):

Felix wakes up at age 4 (going on 5), having just survived the bombing that killed his parents. (lots of time-travel manga/manwha choose to go back to a pivotal event or a situation where the character bumped their head to help explain sudden shifts in behavior. This seemed a good place to put him.)

After getting patched up, no one actually notices Felix is that different from his usual self. His cousins just knew his as their younger cousins and his great-uncle didn't know him that well.

Felix is quiet and confused. He asks a lot of questions to reorient himself to being back in time, but given he just survived a bombing, no one thinks it's that strange.

Until the war ends roughly 4 years later, he's just focused on making sure he survives the war again.

This time around, however, he tries and gets closer to his family members who in the last life were fairly distant from him, because of their baggage.

Given that Felix has the emotional understanding of an adult, this goes pretty well since he knows that when his cousins push him away, they're reacting in response to their own grief of having lost their families too.

To Felix's surprise, demanding more time with the President actually yields results, he kind of has a silent meltdown that getting all the attention he craved as a child could have been a simple as asking for it.

Overall, with the exception of the war going on, Felix's second childhood is actually weirdly happier and he's much more connected to his family members.

The attention that he's getting from the President does in turn, attract Gaul's attention

In the previous time travel scenario, it kind of started to develop into a Snow v. Felix rivalry. Uh, here? It's Gaul v. Felix. Gaul's beefing with an 8 (going on 9) year old by the time the Treaty of Treason is signed.

I like to imagine that without the Hunger Games being immediately in front of him, Felix has kind of wasn't concerned with them becoming a thing. He's still reeling that good communication was all that was needed to stop him from having a nearly nonexistent relationship with his family. Why didn't the older members try to communicate better with him once they had processed their grief a bit more?

He's so conflicted about his better relations with his family that he probably hasn't even put together that Coriolanus killed him yet :)

Don't worry once he starts going to school with Coriolanus and gets to thinking, he does start to realize that it's the best explanation for his very convenient accident. He can't know for sure, but he definitely will never fully trust Coriolanus again.

Back to the Hunger Games, after the 1st Games, Felix has the "oh, crap, those are kids!" moment as someone with an adult mind.

He starts getting sick just thinking about how this is going to happen every year and starts side-eyeing his great-uncle.

His cousins, Marius and Gnaeus, notice since they're closer to him in this timeline, and Felix decides to confide in them to test the waters. If they listen to him, then maybe they'll help him convince the president.

They're sympathetic to his view, but they point out that their family was killed by rebels, and wouldn't it be nice to get revenge?

After mulling their response over, he decides that convincing the Capitol will be hard with the war so fresh in their mind, but later on, they'll be more accustomed to it

while the Hunger Games were not popular by the 10th Games, there's no certainty that they would have died out immediately after them without Snow's interference. It could have gone a few more years before petering out, or found other gimmicks to jumpstart popularity. Besides, trying to get the Capitol to empathize with the District tributes gets harder with every Game. There will plenty of cognitive dissonance at work to help the Capitol justify their actions. After all, no one wants to look back and see the 23 children they slaughtered yearly.

I think Felix whom I have going into politics in his first life (he doesn't get far and only acts as a advisor/staff member) will understand that this is the time to do what politicians do best

He makes a deal with the devil. He goes puts on his best innocent child asking questions he doesn't know could get him into trouble face attempts to bargain with his great-uncle without his great-uncle knowing.

By this point, I think that it becomes clear to Felix that Pres. Maximinius Ravinstill sees him as a kind of stand in to the President's deceased brother, Felix's grandfather. I imagine that Felix's father was the one among his siblings who acted the closest to Pres. Ravinstill's brother.

Felix probably primes the conversation with "what was my grandfather like?" and "what was my father like?" before diving into the Games. At some point after the Games topic switch, Felix hits him with the "what would my grandfather thing?" at a pivotal moment.

Pres. Ravinstill isn't budging on wanting revenge though. Man has lost too much family for that, and I also can't imagine that Felix even as a former politician being ruthless enough to suggest the president just murder rebel adults from the Districts until he feels better

What happens is that Felix realizes that his great-uncle hasn't thought that far ahead with the Games. They were an emotional decision (probably pressured by Gaul but Felix doesn't know that).

Felix doesn't stop the Games. Felix aims lower, extracting a promise from a weary great-uncle. An emotional decision countering a previous one. He convinces Pres. Ravinstill to limit the Games. 10 years, seems like reasonable recompense for the District's uprising. That's 230 children.

This isn't a perfect solution, but Felix isn't a perfect person.

Gaul starts trying to bolster the Games' popularity and usefulness by any means necessary to hopefully overrule the president's promise to a child by making the Games useful as more than a form of revenge

Felix, I think would find unlikely allies within the President's Staff who I can't imagine were all into the child killing game that they have to market to the people. (very dark but I imagine that the Ravinstill Regime right after the war had a very high turnover rate on staff members)

By the 10th Games, I imagine that a few betting system in in place, but without the paired sponsorship system, it's not as successful. (Gaul is trying harder to market. I'm sure she could at least come up with betting. Maybe, it's less official than the system in tbosas)

The 10th Games might not have Academy mentors. Gaul might try something else, but honestly, I think it could be a nice parallel to keep them the same

In fact, I like to imagine that in canon the president rigged Felix's pick to be a low number to keep expectations on him low (he'd intuit that my canon timeline! Felix is very preoccupied with expectations). In this timeline, since Felix is more confident (it comes with being mentally a 35 year old man), he doesn't feel the need to rig Felix's tribute.

In canon, I imagine that Highbottom rigged Coriolanus' tribute selection so he got the District 12 girl (the supposed runt of the litter, you wouldn't be able to account for the specifics age or health, unless your Strabo Plinth and know a specific person because I'm a believer that the Marcus-Sejanus pair was fully rigged)

In this AU, Gaul has begun to despise Felix, but can't take it out on him directly. She rigs his tribute.

So, the stage is set, and at the Reaping, Felix Ravinstill is assigned Lucy Gray Baird as his tribute

This, again, got very long. Also I love that I wrote this all out and ended up setting up the start of a fic... I might never write it. Or if I do it will take me a while to get to it, so if anyone actually feels like taking a stab at this, it could be fun.

Also yes, sorry Dill, this means that you get Coriolanus as a mentor. I feel like Felix would try to look out for her too though. I imagine that he's trying to stop this Game since he's directly involved with it and has some anti-game support from the President's staff and probably Highbottom.

[tipsydipsydo]

When the members have a crush on you! 🌼 [their feelings]

Hello my Dears!💙

Here I am again! I have my Life again!!! On friday I hand my scientific work in and now I'm free again!!! ...more or less... next week starts exam phase. School hates me really.

But here I am again, with the first part of "the members having a crush on you"! It's the fluffy one, Smut will follow😉🤤 (their dirty thoughts about you while having a crush on you!~ it will be two seperated Scenarios, one for fem! readers and the other one for male! Readers!)

This here is for both genders! I wrote it gender neutral!🤗💜

My Masterlist could be found here!

My Imagines could be found here!

(I just want to say sorry for all stupid mistakes in here... English isn’t my first language and I wrote this scenario directly in English (and not like usually at first in German and then translating it to English) that’s why the sentence structure is... let’s say à la carte... sorryyy) 

So, enough talk, here we go! 

「© tipsydipsydo」

These following headcanons are my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

Jin

In my opinion he would realize pretty fast that you're different to others... a way more special for him

How would he know that? Because your makes his heart pounding so much faster, makes his hands sweaty when you're around him and even sometimes makes his voice stutter, when he isn't prepared to see you

like you just came over spontaneous and he opens the door, thinks it's just someone of the maknae line and you just stand there and smile at him so freaking sweetly

everything would fell out of Jin's face, nothing reminds you of his usually super confident behaviour

= super cute stuttering from Mr. Handsome the most selfconfident guy in the universe

the boys are confused what the heck you did to him

why he act like shy Kookie back in his teens

why he's so shy and didn't dare to ask you out even when he's so flirtarous to you

but when he found his voice and his super duper selfconfident mask after a des seconds again (I say mask because around you he's shy like a schoolboy) he would always wants to make you laugh with his dad jokes

"annoy" you a little bit with his "I know it because I'm World

Wide handsome!" speeches

blow an overdramatic kiss to you, so you just roll your eyes chuckling and say that so much confidence isn't good for him and smile cheekily at him

and when you're down he would say that you should come over to the dorm (even when he's still at dance practice until 10 p.m.) so he could cook your favourite meal at midnight for you and talk about whatever the thing is that bothers you

and he would be so caring but in a really cute and adorable way...

he couldn't stand it, when you're down and didn't know how to deal with these problems

would take you into his arms/rub your back gently and try to calm you down

say that you're not alone and he'll be there for you whenever you need him

cooking with Jin is so cool and they would be so much lovey dovey tension in the air

when you're standing infront of the counter and don't know how to cut this specific ingredient for the meal

he would come over to you and wrap his arms from behind around you and lays his big hands on top of yours to help you cutting and whisper gently into your ear how to do that

I think Kookie would be the wing man for you two

teasing Mr. Handsome for being so shy around you when all the boys come into the kitchen to eat dinner together

Jin would shoot death glares to the maknae and would blush lightly... stirring passive-aggressively in the pot

Namjoon and Yoongi wouldn't lecture the youngest for being rude to the oldest

they think it's about the time that this 'sneaking around eachother' finally comes to an end

you set the table in that moment and look up to Jin confused when you hear Kookies teasing words

when you see Jins red ears, hear his cursing and the way he's stirring in the pot

a shy but happy-exited smile spread over your lips

when you see in the corner of the eyes five boys smiling encouraging at you, you blush furiously

just Yoongi rolls his eyes and says: "inform me, when I finally can start to plan your damn wedding! I can't look at this here anymore!"

Yoongi

I think Yoongi would realize slowly that you're more for him than only a "friend" or a "good friend"

but he would never admit it to someone, even himself

that poor guy is way too afraid to show his feelings and with it (in his opinion) his vulnerable and weak spots

his biggest fear is to interpret too much in your nice gestures and smiles

when he would confess only to get rejected or the worse, to make you laugh like "how could you think I'm interested in you, I mean..."

count 1000+ reasons why you just CAN'T be interested in him and why he would never deserve your love

lowkey jealous at everyone who get your attention, your smiles, your laughs etc.

you didn't do anything wrong, you’re only kind like always to the other members or peoples

but that would cause the reason why Yoongi pull even more away from you and hide himself in his shell, aka his room in the dorm or his studio

Yoongi was never really outgoing, he's a more reserved person and need his time to warm up with someone

and you know that and accept it absolutely, want to give him the time to trust you enough

but instead of getting closer you have the feeling of getting even more distant to him than before

whenever you're in the dorm, he's out in the studio or locks himself away in his room

only comes out to get some Snacks or eat dinner silently with the boys... and you.

I think Namjoon would be the first of the boys who would realize why Yoongi is so distant to you

then Hobi... because of the Rap Line and they work a lot together

the third one would be Jin I think

then Jimin and JK who overheard accidentally a conversation of the rap line to encourage Yoongi to let himself warm up to you

just only Tae didn't get the info (early enough?)

One time at lunch, Jimin and Kookie snickers together that Jin placed your seat right next to Yoongis

Tae wants to know what is so funny

Jimin wisper into his war, that Yoongi likes likes you

"What?? Yoongi likes Y/N?!"

he asks it way too loud

Yoongi next to you seems to crush his glass of water when he hears Tae's question and shoot glares at him to shut his fucking mouth

but Tae didn't get it, he's too exited over the new information he got

you look up confused and ask Tae what he previously said

"Well I didn't know that Yoongi likes you and you two are dating! Je always seems so distant to you and yeah, I think you two aren't so down for public affection but it didn't know until now you two are a couple!

well... know the whole table was silent, you blush furiously ans didn't know what to say

while Yoongi shoot Tae a glare that say that he'll went to bed castrated tonight

You're the first one now who dare to say something

"Y-You like me, Yoongi? I-I thought it's the exact opposite that's why I didn't dare to confess to you... that I have a little... big crush on you..."

Yoongi is speechless... with bright red cheeks

"Okay Yoongi, we think we have tomorrow still enough time to finish the Song. I think today's afternoon you have other plans in mind..."

says Namjoon with a wink to you both and Hobi nods in full agreement and his smile is bright like the sun

Namjoon

When Namjoon realize that he developt feelings for you over the time, he thought he's a responsible grown up man who can deal with those things in an mature manner

...well lets say he thought could handle it like the adult man he is

one time he was out again, in a nearby park at a sunny spring day

he saw some daisies blossom in the grass

he checked the right and left side until he was sure nobody is watching him

then he bow down quickly and pick one up

with the words "they love me" and "they don't love me" he rotatory tear one tiny petal away until a single one is left

"they love me" comes over his lips and a small but super happy smile manifests on his lips

he knows it's a stupid game but he just couldn't help it when he saw the grass with all those little daisies

like I said he thought he's able to deal with his feelings in a mature way, but he also has to test the waters if there is already someone other who catched your interest

...or in the worst way your heart

so when you came over again for a nice Netflix and Chill evening (the innocent one guys!) with the boys the maknae line wanted to play truth or dare with you

what a great opportunity for Joonie

after a few rounds and you choose truth by Namjoons turn he dropped the question

"is there someone who catch your interest... I mean, in a romantic way... you know a crush?"

the boys try their best not to smirk like idiots over their lovesick leader

you blush a bit, why for the fucking sake has to ask your crush this damn question

"yes"

you said simply

and Joonie didn't know what to do with this Information

should he ask further in the next found?

he dared to ask by the next round "can you describe this person for us?"

you look at Namjoon and sigh. Is he serious? Is it his goal that you confess your crush on him right infront of all boys?

"hm... he's funny, patient, so damn smart, a wonderful voice..."

with every bullet point you name on your list his heart swells and he Hey his absolute best not to smile like an idiot... until you say:

"...and he's really attractive, a really well built body, you know muscles and such stuff..."

and his smile drops. Yeah, maybe he's attractive in some ways but he learned that mostly the maknae line catch the interests of ARMYs.

he's not jealous or so but he know he didn't count to the 'really really well built guys' or to this kind of mens with a muscular body like Jungkook.

he has to accept that he's not your type

the next turn has Taehyung on you, he's your best friend and he was the one who invited you to the boys

"Y/N may I ask if you reveal to us if it's someone of the group and when yes if you dare to say his name

you look speechless over to your best (well tbh asshole) friend nur you didn't want to give Tae the satisfaction to think you don't have the guts to confess.

"Yes and it's Namjoon."

Joonie looks at you with big round eyes, can't believe his ears

"w-what?"

you sigh, bit your bottom lip slightly: "yes Joonie, you listened correctly, I have a crush on you, but that doesnt mean we-"

"but you said it's someone who had 'a really well built body, you know muscles and such stuff'.... but I don't have such body traits..." he explain himself helplessly.

you shoot glare to Namjoon how he can still think he's not attractive!

"well, Joon I just can say Y/N loves your 'thick and juicy thighs' and all these dirty fantasies my bestie has about you... I didn't even wanted to know that!"

"TAEHYUNG SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!"

All blushy Namjoon didn't know how to react to this infos but then he found his voice again

"Y/N... would you like to go on a date with me... the next days? Because... I like you really much..."

applause from the rest of the boys

Hoseok

Hobi has already for a longer time a crush on you and usually he didn't have many problems or fears to stand up for his feelings

but there is a thing

that you're already in a relationship

not that only this makes his heart aches, but also not to be able to accept these circumstances and be happy for you

because in his opinion your partner right now treats you like shit and gives a fuck about your feelings

yeah, he knows he has a hell of a busy life too but when he promised you to meet you and have an evening with you he try everything to keep his promise, even when that mean you two meet in the dance studio because he has to work on the new choreography and you just sit in the corner of the room in the floor and watch him

but it's okay, you two also enjoy it just being together with each other in a room

and then there is your partner, you two planned a date in a Café, Restaurant or Gelateria and then they just call you and cancelled it, without even explaining it

there is nothing wrong with feeling not well or just want a little bit time for themself but without being honest? To their own partner?

You got the reason three weeks later, they just cancelled your meeting again that's why you als Hobi if he has time and... offically not, but he didn't say that to you, he wanted to be with you when your damn partner seems like you are not important for them

and then you two saw them... with someone others.

you didn't say anything, just press your lips together and try not to cry right in the mall.

but you can't hold your neutral facade when you saw them kissing like there is no tomorrow

they never kissed you with such a passionate, it breaks your heart to realized that they just used you.

and Hobi our sunshine didn't know how to handle his anger to see this person you loved and paying all your attention and love to them cheating on you like they didn't even remember your existence

When he saw that they turned their head around to you, he didnt waste any time to grab your chin gently and press his lips gently but still determinant on yours

your body stiffen in pure shock to get a kiss from your best friend... in such a situation

but when Hobi wraps his left arm gently around your waist and places his right hand on your cheek

just to be sure that your kiss seems romantic and passionate

and maybe Hobi doesn't want to let your soft lips go away

but then it was time to let each other down from this literally breathtaking kiss

"Hey Baby- uh, Y/N... I-I just thought they just could take taste from their own medicine..."

shy Hobi try to explain his "rude" action

until you press your lips again onto his and wisper between two following kisses:

"Don't be sorry Hobi, that was the best kiss I've ever had and I hope you didn't mind that I want to feel your lips again on my owns..."

Jimin

shy cutie nr. 1

could get Jimin even cuter than having a crush on you and developt romantic feelings for you?

so blushy

so.

SO.

SO!

BLUSHY AND CUTE!

his fingers run like nonstop through his hair, this habit gets even worse because he's so nervous around you

tbh he wants to be attractive and sexy for you but je also knows he couldn't be the cool sexy sassy man for you in this phase

he's just a cute auf blushy mochi

but when he thinks you're not there and he work on the choreography with all his sex appeal and body rolls

with his serious concentrated sexy gaze

oh god, NOW would be the deadline where you would absolutely fall for him, his cute boyish side and his serious man side

like JK he would try to impress you

loves to hear your laugh or even better, to be the one who makes you laugh

try to get your attention but not in the annoying way you know?

want to be your man to cling when you guys watching a horror movie and you just can't stand some scenes (tbh he too, but he wants to be the one to make you feel safe)

similar to Yoongi, he could get really insecure about himself if he's enough for you

lowkey jealous when you pay more attention to the other boys

even when he wouldn't admit it and he wouldn't mentions it either because he knows it's not your or their fault, it's his own problem

but you realize pretty fast when this cutie didn't smile like usually

"Hey Jiminie, everything okay? You look like something bad happen?"

He nods slowly but didn't dare to say the reason

you smile gently at him and sit down next to him

"Can I help you in any way?"

He fiddles nervously with his small fingers until he asks you:

"Y/N could... can we cuddle a little bit? Only if you want and it's not weird for-"

but before he finished his sentences you slung your arms around him and he could take a deep breath with your scent in his nose.

yeah now everything is fine again.

"Jimin?"

"Hm?"

"When you're jealous... you don't have to be. I-I really like you..."

blushy mochi over 3000+!!!

Taehyung

I think Tae and you are best friends and he wouldn't realize that his feelings for you changed over the time

Like usually he would buy you little gifts and souvenirs when he's on world tour

help you choose a nice outfit and style it fancy

he wouldn't accept that you talk bad about yourself

when you Start to compare yourself to his "unnatural" beauty, he would take your hands in his beautiful hands and say that it not true and count a list down why you're attractive and beautiful/habdsome

is a really great listener for family problems

I think he would realize that his feelings for you changed from platonic to romantic when he has more and more... wet dreams about you (we going to talk about it in the next part ;D)

and when the need to do things with you that are above every super close friendship like kissing and touching you..

and when you ask him for help to choose an outfit for your date with Luca

who the heck Luca is?!

jealousy hits him hard

he would ask you everything about them and why you two are dating etc.

you would begin to laugh about that not really well hidden jealousy

and then you ask him if he's jealous of Luca

"Would it be bad when I'm jealous? And to be honest I think I'm a much better kisser than this person called 'Luca!"

and then he would kiss you straight away

to prove that he's better than everybody else, he would kiss you very passionate

"tell me I'm better than anybody and I'm the one you want to be together... please!"

"yes tae... I want to. By the way, Luca is just a good highschool friend of mine, nothing to worry about.

"Thank God!"

Jungkook

shy cutie nr. 2

The more romantic feelings this poor boy got for you, the more he didn't dare to be around you but at the same time he can't wait for the evenings when you come over with take out food for everyone and spend the night with them on the couch

yeah, maybe he teased every other member for having a crush on someone but when it comes to him having a crush on you... oh god

he got everything back

having sich member teasing the shit out of the poor bunny

but Kook learned it really fast not to play with the feelings of the others because he always got the same thing back

he would always blush like mad when you hand him his favourite dish of the restaurant in the way just he like it

try his best to act cool around you but literally everyone around two miles would know that he has the biggest possible crush on you

when it comes to playing Video Games together on these chilling evenings (and you're terribly bad at it) Kookie would be always there for you to be in a Team and win these matches nevertheless because he's so damn good in it even when your the last one in Mario Kart

always blushing around you

giggling a lot, so you start to ask yourself if you wear a weird T-Shirt or have things between your teeth, a reason why this guy act like this

doesn't realize that it's a nervous chuckling because he didn't know how to act around you

work out a lot more to look even more maskuline for you

he's afraid that you could be interested in his hyungs and just could see you as the always youngest, cute little boy of all of them

alone the thought how you could look when you see his toned body keeps him going to give all his best in the fitness studio and while dancing

but he would never have the guts to reveal his love to you

even when he ask his hyungs 100+ time how he could ask you out

I think the boys have to help him a lot until you finally come together.

"Y/N? We think there is someone who like to tell you something"

"Hm? What is it, Kookie?

“U-Uhm...”

[out-of-jams]

Rea’s Writing Tips

Okay, I’ve been writing for the past twelve years, and over the course of this time, I’ve learned a lot of things. I still am learning, because I don’t think there is a such thing as perfecting a skill. What have I learned, might you ask? Well, I’m going to compile some of them into a list for you! So buckle up and sharpen those metaphorical pencils!

#1) Show don’t tell.

This is a staple rule when it comes to writing and always, always stays at the back of my mind. When you’re writing descriptions or world building or even putting together a dialogue scene, you want the reader to be able to see it in their minds’ eye. 

If you simply say, “I picked up the pencil. Then I wrote my paper, but I didn’t know I was doing. And then I got up and left.” That’s boring. And that’s Telling the reader what is happening. No one wants to read through a bulleted list of what your characters are up to. Keep in mind that you’re writing a story, not a kitchen recipe. 

So instead, use descriptions and answer these questions: What is your character thinking when they’re doing these things? What are they writing? Why are they writing it? What else is going on around them? What does it smell like? Is it hot or cold? Can they hear the air conditioner running? Are there other people in the room, if so, what are they doing? 

An example of Showing would be something along the lines of: “The pencil was heavy in my hand as I dragged it across the sheet of paper. Hopefully the teacher wouldn’t be be able to tell that I was completely bullshitting every word because I couldn’t afford to be docked another letter grade. Whatever. I’d just write what I could and hope for the best.” 

Show what’s happening without being obvious about it.

Don’t bore your readers to death with a laundry list.

#2) There is absolutely no need to go crazy with caps lock and punctuation.

When writing dialogue, if your character is shouting something, don’t put it in all caps. For example:

“I said, DON’T TOUCH THAT!

This not only takes away from the seriousness of the scene, but it also doesn’t look very appealing to read, does it? Instead, try playing around with italics or adjectives/verbs/descriptions/show don’t tell. For example:

“I said, don’t touch that!”

“Don’t.” You spat through gritted teeth, fingernails digging half-moons into your palms. “Touch. That.”

Not only does this look more professional and appealing, but it helps the reader to visualize the scene a lot more than just going crazy with the caps lock. This also goes with overusing punctuation. One question mark, or one exclamation point is all you need to get your point across. There’s no need for more, the readers will understand without them, I promise. 

The crazier you go, the crazier you’ll look!!!??!!!

#3) Writers block isn’t because you don’t know what to write next. It’s because you subconsciously don’t like where your story is going.

You’ve experienced writers block. I’ve experienced writers block. That old lady at the supermarket down the street has experienced writers block. It’s not the end of the world, but it does put a damper on things, doesn’t it? You could be on a roll and spawning out 1000 words per minute and then bam! you hit a block. Where do you go from there? How do you overcome it? 

Simple. Delete a few paragraphs and then try again. Still not working? Delete more. And more. Until you find another route to take. 

Remember, sometimes roads close, you just need to find the detour.

#4) The rule of “why.”

A simple word can help you to build a word, a story, a universe, a character. The rule of “why” is what keeps your metaphorical world turning and helps prevent plot-holes. Say you have a character who is a painter. Ask yourself, why are they a painter? Why do they paint the things that they do? 

These questions will help you fall down the proverbial rabbit hole and into the subconscious of the character that you are creating. Okay, so they paint because their mother was a painter and she died. Why did she die? Why does the character feel the need to take up their mother’s torch? 

This also goes for world building too. Oh, so your character has a soulmate in your universe? Why do they have a soulmate? Why does the world work that way? Does everyone have a soulmate? No, why not? Etc. 

Always keep the question why? in the back of your mind and you’ll be able to answer the reader’s questions before they even think to have them.

#5) Pick a tense and stick to it as if your life depends on it.

Your story will either be in past tense, or present tense (excluding future because no. And the complicated past perfect, present perfect shit. We’re making it simple).  

Reading a sentence that says: “I walk to the door to leave, but bend down to grab my purse. The strap slid down my shoulder as I closed the door behind me” is jarring. Why? Because it is set in both past and present tense. The first sentence is present tense, while the second is past tense. If you aren’t sure what tense a word is in, pop that bad boy into google and it’ll let you know.

You can’t have both at the same time. So pick one, you whore. 

#6) Be the sponge.

It’s taken me twelve years to find my writing voice. Twelve, people. Some people may find it sooner, others later. Whatever side of the spectrum you’re on, don’t stress over it. I found my voice through reading. What about some author’s work did I like? What did I not like? It took some time, but I figured it out. And you’ll find yours too. So play around with different styles and figure out what you like. 

And what you hate.

#7) Become the angst.

How the hell are you supposed to properly write emotions? How can you make a reader cry, laugh, fume with anger, hold their breath in fear? The answer is actually quite simple.

Insert yourself into that frame of mind first. 

If you want to write a scene that is sad and you want people to be able to feel the emotion flying off the page, then become sad. Put yourself in the shoes of your character and write from the heart. If pretending to put a smile on your face in real life doesn’t fool your friends, then it won’t fool your readers either. 

I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of times I’ve put myself into a certain frame of mind or emotion before writing a scene or a fic or whatever. Music helps to set the mood too. I mean, look at your favorite actors. One thing I’ve always been taught in acting classes is that you have to feel the emotions that your character does.

If you feel it, I can guarantee that the readers will too.

#8) Take a breath, damnit!

Have you ever read a sentence so long that you felt out of breath, even though it wasn’t even read aloud? Yeah, me too. Sometimes it’s hard to know when to end a sentence and start anew or whether or not to just throw in that comma and call it a day, well there is a very simple, easy way to be able to tell which one of these you need to do and you just need to follow this rule in order to do it.

You just took a deep breath after reading that sentence, didn’t you?

Comma ≠ an excuse to continue a run-on sentence. If you aren’t sure whether or not you’ve just written one of these, read it aloud. If you have to stop to breathe, then throw a period somewhere in there. Starting a new sentence won’t hurt you. But a run-on sentence will surely kill you from asphyxiation.

~~~~~~~

This is all I have for now. But if you guys have any questions or want advice for specific things, please feel free to reach out! To quote my least favorite movie of all time: we’re all in this together!💜

[winchest09]

Our Virtual Lockdown - Lowdown

Hey everyone!

Our lockdown livestream was once again one fulled of fun, laughter, fic recs, games and...one unplanned round of charades! Ahaha!

6 hours we were talking...SIX and again, I loved every single second. It was so nice to see so many gorgeous faces, and I’m so happy that so many of you joined us! We had 18 in our party at one point! I just hope that all of you had a blast and enjoyed yourselves.

Me and @katehuntington​ love holding these events and we are already planning the next live stream (date to be announced) but it will be in this month (May).

This is the lowdown for the third lockdown party!

Below you will find:

Everyone who joined - their tags, what’s coming up fic wise and their masterlist.

A Challenge to join

Blogs who want to help with your writing

Fic Recs

Supernatural DnD

Announcements

Q + A’s with the writers.

So without further ado… *cracks fingers*

To everyone that joined...

You are the guys that make it the live stream what it is.  So below is a list of everyone who was on the chat last night accompanied by their masterlist and what they have coming up soon! In no particular order…

@katehuntington​​: Kate is currently working on the next instalment of Ride With Me, All I Want and a two part commission. We will see this on her blog soon!

Her masterlist can be found HERE

@flamencodiva​​​: This babe is currently working on Call of the Ocean, A revoluntionary war fiction, an ABO Greek Goddess fic AND an untitled angst filled fic including Dean, a girlfriend and secrets! She is also rewriting Underworld and Legend of Van Helsing.

She’s one busy gal and we LOVE IT. <3

Check out her masterlist HERE

@whatareyousearchingfordean​​​: Alex is currently writing the ending to her Jensen fiction Et Cetera and she already has a sequel in mind! At the moment she’s trying to decide her next move...Firefighter Dean OR Secret Service Dean? Head over there and let her know!

Her masterlist can be found HERE

@talesmaniac89​​​:  This beaut also has a lot that she’s working on at the moment. The next instalments of The Man in Apartment 43. The next chapters of Lost (which is a little darker), a fluffy Dean oneshot and a Castiel comfort fic.

Behind the scenes, she’s also working on a Heist AU, Another ‘Choose your own adventure’ fic and a Ghost Writer AU.

Check her out guys, her masterlist is HERE

@superfanficnatural​​​:  This babe is currently working on the next chapters of The Bringer of balance as well as the next chapters of The Choice! He’s posted a few oneshots in the past two weeks and is writing Male!Reader fics!

Behind the scenes he’s currently working on an RPF called Matchmaker, A reader knight of hell/demon dean fic which is a love hate relationship as WELL as a Marvel SPN crossover. OOFFT.

A new writer that is nailing it! Go and give him some love, his masterlist can be found HERE

@emoryhemsworth​​​: This beaut is currently working on a series which is based off of an album called ‘Losing Sleep’ Each song will be a chapter and we’ve already been treated to some of her plans! She also has some other goodies on her masterlist.

Check our her masterlist HERE:

@anathewierdo​​​: Is yet to create a masterlist but she is currently working on Call of the Ocean with Flamencodiva. Not only that, she’s also working on a Princess Diaries AU, a Serial Killer AU and after the livestream...a gunshow fic!

By gunshow we do mean The Winchester’s muscles.

*drools*

@girl-with-a-fandom-fettish​​: This wonderful lady joined us briefly on the live stream and although she left before we could find out what she has coming up!

Check our her masterlist HERE:

Me: I’m currently working on two series, Life for Rent and Man’s Best Friend! I also have a couple of Dean series being worked on in the background as well as a couple of oneshots…watch this space!

To the new writers...

These guys were all new to the live stream this week and were welcomed with open, loving, spn fam arms! After speaking to these babes, we know that they are fairly new to writing to the supernatural fandom. They all have AMAZING idea’s when we played our prompt game and hopefully all of them will bite that bullet and post their ideas soon.

Remember guys - we’re all here to love and support you! My inbox is always open if you want to talk fics, want me to look over one etc.

Go and follow and give them some love!

@janicho88​​ @queenbeesback​​ @imjustadrummer​​ @malfoysqueen14​​

and to the readers that joined…

@leissa1287​​​ @waywardbeanie​​​ @dawnie1988​​

We love you, we thank you for reading and we thank you for all the support and love you give us constantly. Thank you for joining the chat and we hope you had an amazing time <3

-------------------------

CHALLENGE TIME

Ohhhh yes! One of our amazing writers, the darling @flamencodiva​​ is holding a celebration in regards to reaching 1700 followers!

Congrats babe!

Not only is she hosting a character take over on her blog she’s also posted a writing challenge for all us writers out there!

Check it out HERE

-------------------------

Need Help with a fic?

We’ve got you covered!

Need to has out a plot with someone?

The lovely @malfoysqueen14​​ has offered herself up to be a plot buddy to anyone that needs it. Stuck on a plot point, want to talk through a story line with someone? Give her a message! She’s here to help <3

Need help writing those all important fight scenes?

Give our babe @imjustadrummer​​ a message! They are filled with knowledge and even give us a demonstration on how to punch correctly on the livestream! Definitely one to have on your contacts list! <3

Need help with research for a fiction?

The most wonderful @waywardbeanie​​​ has offered herself up to be a researcher for anyone who wants help with their fiction. She has been a die hard SPN fan forever and she’s like the Ellen of our live stream.

Need a researching buddy? Give her a message! She’s a doll <3

-------------------------

Fic & blog Recs!

In our live stream, we want to highlight what we’ve been reading and the amazing authors behind the words. So below is a list of all the fics that we recommend for some good ol fic binging!

@deansdirtylittlesecretsblog​​: We were told of this lovely little gold mine by Alex and we just have to include it on here! This writer has so many fics on her masterlist...you’re gonna be there for a while!

Check them all out HERE

When You Least Expect It by @coffee-obsessed-writer​​

Summary: After a hard breakup, Jensen decides to throw himself into organizing a Music Festival in Austin that is meant to raise money for a few of his most cherished charities and organizations. As he throws himself into planning it, he stumbles upon a spirited, undiscovered performer, who he convinces to come aboard to help plan and coordinate the event with him.

What transpires after that takes both Jensen and his new friend, by surprise. But when their respective pasts come back just before the event kicks off in Austin, they will both have to decide if the unexpected feelings are worth perusing, or if they should just walk away and go on with their lives.

Dear Dean by @smol-and-grumpy​​

Summary: After taking Saint Lo, by sheer dumb luck, Lieutenant Dean Winchester from the 29th Infantry Division, Baker Company, received a truckload of replacements for his platoon that was falling apart. Little did he know, that one recruit would change his life forever.

Almost Paradise by @amanda-teaches​​

Summary: Dean finds himself looking at pictures of old loves. Will he ever be able to find that paradise again?

Turned Sideways by @crashdevlin​​​

Summary: (Rockstar AU)  When Y/n gets an opportunity to meet her favorite band backstage at their concert, she assumes they won’t even ask her name. But when she impresses the front man, Dean, with her voice and knowledge of their entire catalog of songs, it launches a chain of events that is sure to change her entire life.

Crash Into Me by @crashdevlin​​

Summary:  Dean meets and befriends a witch in NW Florida. This is their interactions over the course of season 8 through season 14.

Midwife Crisis by @ellewritesfix05​​

Summary: (Elle hasn’t written one it appears but in my words) - You were heavily pregnant with Dean’s child, hormones raging and Dean was receiving the brutal end of it. Needing a break, he fakes a case to get away. When your good friend Gabriel hears of this...he decides he needs to teach Dean a lesson with a little help from is prankster ways...

PHEW! I definitely think we have enough fics on here to last us for a few days…don’t you? ;) Please guys don’t forget to give these writers some love when reading their fics, comments, reblogs, asks. It means the world.

-------------------------

Interested in roleplaying & DnD?

@imjustadrummer​​ is setting up a Dungeons and Dragons campaign set in the Supernatural (main) universe!

If you’re into role playing, fancy bringing one of your OFC’s to life or just wanna be badass yourself...why not consider joining?!

All the information you need on this is HERE

Make some new friends, live out your dreams of being a hunter, angel or demon and HAVE FUN!

-------------------------

ANNOUNCEMENTS!

We have three wonderful announcements to make this time! We have THREE blogs celebrating followers!

A massive congratulations to:

@flamencodiva​​: This beautiful mama has reached 1700!

@whatareyousearchingfordean​​: This absolute babe has reached 1000!

@superfanficnatural​​: This beaut has reached 200!

WOOHOO!

*pops the party poppers*

-------------------------

Q & A With The Writers!

During this live stream, we asked everyone to join in and ask questions to the writers you want to know more about...the write up is below :)

- If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? Alex ( @whatareyousearchingfordean​​) : @superfanficnatural​  because of the male reader aspect/sides of things! 

Emory (@emoryhemsworth​) : I’d like to collab with @winchest09​ (Tabby)

- Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

@talesmaniac89​ : This did happen once and what was once a fluffy ending got turned into a bad ending because it was guessed. It happened once that they managed to get it so i changed it. 

- What was the last line you wrote?

@katehuntington​ :  “The cowgirl smirks and gently pushes him into the tack box in order for them both to be out of sight. Once they are safe from Bobby’s eyes, she kisses him, short and sweetly, but it’s enough to make Dean’s head spin”

- Have you ever cried whilst writing a fic?

@superfanficnatural​ : I cried to one last time, the angsty fic i wrote. I  was trying to get into the mood, i was mad, so went fuck it i’m gonna break peoples hearts. And then i cried haha.

- Can you tell us what writers you really admire?

@emoryhemsworth​ :   All of you are included in this live stream, that’s a given but I am going to talk about people who aren’t in here.  @impala-dreamer​, @kittenofdoomage​, @supernatural-jackles​, @ravengirl94​ are just a few. In regards to Rhi (Kittenofdoomage), everything she writes is just gold. She’s not written anything that’s bad! For Beka (impala dreamer) I just love her as a person. Oh and @bringmesomepie56​, her fics are just amazing.  

- Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

@flamencodiva​ : No, not really. My stories tend to evolve in the writing process. Underworld princess and Call of the Ocean were meant to be super different than what they are now. We realised we had changed certain plot points as we were writing but that was before we started to post it. 

- Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

@winchest09​ :  Yes and no. I’ve had stories which were originally meant to end a certain way and they changed over time. Sometimes I do wonder what the reactions would have been like if i had gone with the original ending for Shatter Me and if hadn’t have gone down the angsty road for Yesterday but then I think fics choose their own path as you write them. It felt right at the time. 

- What is your favourite genre to write for?

@malfoysqueen14​ :  Angst. Never mind the fluff, the smut, the crack, it’s all about the angst. The angst is my ultimate goal. 

- Where do you get your inspiration from?

@imjustadrummer​ : A daily situation, or films. If the kids I worked with have said something weird i’d be like…”oh yeah, hey that can be a fic!”  A lot of different places really!

- Funniest story you’ve written?

@queenbeesback​ : It was an online thing, where they met online and it took a while for them to meet up. That was quite light hearted. 

- What is everyone's favourite ships?

Everyone: Dean and Donna. Benny and Dean. Sam and Eileen. Dean and Jo. Charlie and Alex. Sam and Gabriel

- What’s your favourite trope to write?

@anathewierdo​ : Friends to lovers and enemies to lovers

- Which part of your upcoming fic was the hardest to write?

@imjustadrummer​ : Trying to work out all the clues and cleverness to it. Like codes and things, working out how to put in all the easter eggs in my upcoming fic. It’s like a treasure hunt so I need to ensure there is cleverness in there.

- If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

@superfanficnatural​ : Oh that’s...ok...most definitely...Smuuuuttttt (pretty much how he announced it)

-------------------------

I think that’s it!

Thank you so much once again to everyone who joined the chat, we had 6 hours of laughs and i cannot wait to do it again. I’d appreciate it if you could share this to spread the love of the fics and authors on here!

Keep an eye out for the next date for our next livestream! It will be in a couple of weeks, date to be announced. If you guys have any idea’s or want something included, let us know. If you want to be tagged when we announce, let us know!

@deanwanddamons​ - tagging you babe as you asked so you can catch up on what we talked about <3 

THANK YOU.

xox

[silveranjyil]

It’s not about Right or Wrong

The biggest raging debate in the RWBY community is: who is right?  The lines are clearly split between team RWBY and co, and Ironwood, with many feeling that RWBY is being wrong and hypocritical. It is amazing to see that people are missing the point.

 Neither are wrong or right.  They are both being human—and actually, team RWBY is being more human that Ironwood right now.  This is on par with Magneto and Professor X from X-men.  Their goals are the same, but they are following vastly different paths towards that goal and their ideals are completely different based on their own experiences.

 I have done a whole expo on Ironwood and I don’t think I need to add to that.  But I do want to look at RWBY’s perspective in this.

 One thing that has been established is that team RWBY and the others are in the same boat as Ozpin: they want to protect the PEOPLE, and not just a few.  They have come to view life as precious and are not willing to throw it aside as the only way.  A lot of people cite the Apathy messing with their reaction to Jinn’s reveal of the truth, but they were too far from the farm town for that to happen just yet.  Their reactions were genuine—and human, but they did not let their emotions completely destroy their belief in saving people.  That was why they all signed up to be hunters and huntress: to make the world better.

 All of them have had their trust shattered and faced betrayal by people very dear to them, or by people whom they never would have expected.  Ruby saw a supposed huntress-in-training destroy her home, unleash Grimm all over Beacon, and kill one of her friends in cold blood.  Yang’s mother abandoned her, and later sided with the bad guys to get the relic, and Blake did abandon her at one point (seems like they are still working through that).  Poor Blake has been betrayed by her lover and her best friend. Qrow’s experiences are probably uncountable, but his sister was probably a big one.  The biggest one we have for team JNPR is Pyrrha’s death, caused by same reasons and Ozpin.  So to call them children, or naïve, is a disservice to what they have already endured up to this point.  They are still learning, bu they are no longer children, nor are they naïve.

 The headmaster at Haven was the final straw to break any illusions in that.  They trusted him, as did Qrow, up until things started falling into place.  By the time they get to Atlas, face off with a pompous official, and nearly die a few times, they get it.  The world is not perfect, it isn’t a fairy tail, and they can not trust everyone. But they want to.  They really want to trust Ironwood, to have someone with experience in being an authority take the reigns and let them have a break.

 When the team arrive in Atlas, they discover that there is a military-enforced curfew.  People are afraid, hungry, miserable, and restless.  That would be my FIRST red flag that something is not right with the person in charge.  If you want to know what kind of person you are dealing with, look at the people around them and the consequence of their actions.  Ironwood said he wanted to help protect the people, but how was he SHOWING that?

 What makes things even more conflicting is that Ruby and Yang remember the General as someone who supported them and encouraged them: he praised Ruby during Dance Dance, somewhat tried to listen to Yang after her encounter in V3 and even sent her a new arm.  But the town was not how it should be, even Weiss commented on how this “wasn’t right.” In other words, it had never been like this before.  The people had freedom to move around and no curfew, no binge drinking in the streets, etc. How is this protecting the people?

Ironwood greets them as a host—but it seems off.  Him hugging Qrow, for one.  Qrow and he were always at each other’s throats for differences of opinions.  I admit, he probably was glad to see a familiar face, but…

 In any case, Ironwood gave them a LOT of things.  Made them official hunters and huntresses, top of the line training grounds, returning the lamp to them.  He assigns them to his Right-hand Yes-men, not to earn trust, but to sway them.  The Ace-Corps is always talking about how they need to follow orders, that emotional connections and such are unnecessary, etc.  Did you see the reaction from RWBY and team?  Winter is also in on this as well, but we see this mostly with Penny.  Weiss has already heard all this before during her training to control her semblance, after all.  Ironwood was a wonderful host who was trying to lure them into his side with “gifts of gold and jewels”. But he would never listen to them.  He would not consider their ideas, opinions or fears, and the people were still suffering.  And THEN they meet Robin, who gives them a little bit more of the picture.  Why isn’t the wall being repaired to protect the people? Why all the secrecy?  They kind of understand, but things are not adding up.

 You see, a long time ago, in Volume 3, Ironwood gave them a choice.  Fight to protect your school, or protect yourselves. The teams are starting to see that Ironwood is leaning more to the latter, and it bothers them.  We are seeing a dynamic clash of perspectives here, and Ren acts as the gateway to show how both sides could be right.

 But here is the thing.  Here is where we talk about why it isn’t about right or wrong, but about being human. In Volume 3, Ozpin shows both remorse and apprehension about utilizing Pyrrha as a guinea pig to possibly save the powers of the Maiden from the corrupt hands of Cinder.  He weighs everything meticulously, admits to his faults, and you can see the burden of time on him.

 Ruby and her teammates also show this same heavy burden.  They are conflicted about the hard choices they have to make, talking to each other and trying to figure it out.  They don’t try to justify it, either.  They WANT to trust and tell him, but experience has been a cruel teacher to them.  Weiss and Penny show true human feelings about what the plan is for the Winter Maiden, especially Penny.  They have always recognized and felt that just because it was logical did not make it the best path, or even the right path.  They questioned it, but they were always shut down.

 Ironwood has no qualms about this.  He does not show remorse, he does not show apprehension.  He had walled up his heart a long time ago.  He says do it and he expects his soldiers to comply.  And none of them can speak up against him, despite their feelings.  They try to crush their own emotions as well.  1 death?  1000 deaths? The general ordered it, so be it. They have fallen to the mantra of “the greater good”.  What is really interesting is, in a real world sense, there have been some studies that suggest that emotions are CRITICAL in making logical decisions.  Too much logic and reason without the support of emotion tends to make things worse, actually.  Spock was proven wrong many times in Star Trek, despite his “logic”, and this was also explored in that movie “I Robot” where the Robot logically chose Smith over the little girl, even though emotionally and species-wise, the little girl would have been the more appropriate choice to save.  I love how in this volume, they really outline how useless logic is without emotion, and they use Penny as a pillar for that exploration.  Anyway...

 People will say that Ruby should have told him earlier, before things got out of hand. Based on previous evidence in an earlier post, I can guarantee the result would not have been any different. He had already written off half the world.  And the funny thing is, the only result would have been a brief window of safety for himself and maybe those closest to him.  None of his actions would have saved the world or many people, only a select few.

 As team RWBY began to understand this, see it play out, it was too late.  He had already cut off most of Mantle and was preparing to sacrifice them.  For the “greater good” of course.  The fact that Ironwood had NO intention of talking to Robin in any way showed more of how untrustworthy he was.  Robin was fighting for the people with the knowledge she had.  She would have been an invaluable ally to them and would have been able to help in managing the people and the resources.  But Ironwood knew that he would never be able to control her.  She would question his authority.  He can not have that.  That is why Yang and Blake disobeyed him.  They had presented this possibility, and he had shot them down like a bullet train.  He was keeping his secrets until HE was ready to release them.  Any loss of control was unacceptable to him.

 If it hadn’t been for Penny, Winter or Cinder would have gotten the powers. Winter would have been nothing but a puppet for Ironwood and would eventually be responsible for more deaths under his watch.  We already know what Cinder would do.

 I will be honest.  Had I been in Team RWBY’s shoes, I would have done the same thing.  I wouldn’t have told him until he proved that he was trustworthy.  Kicking the people down like he had been doing since before we came would make me less likely to trust him.  The fact that he could have had a very good ally, but he wouldn’t accept it at all would also make me hesitate.  Anyone giving me all this good stuff--upgrades, licenses, etc—for almost no reason would make me question their motives.

 But RWBY not telling Ironwood is no worse than him not telling him many things.  He did not share all of his plans, only the highlights.  Enough to keep them content.  We all have to be mindful of the words we say and to whom we tell them to.  And RWBY technically did not lie to Ironwood.  It was a small scene, but the point where Nora and Ruby were discussing the possibility that she might be killable in another sense from Ozpin’s question means that they haven’t lost hope yet. They believe that they will find a way, somehow, but they do not know where to start.  There is also the fact that they know Ozpin has been fighting this for a long time, and somewhere in his past he might have tried some of these things.  If he isn’t doing that now, it was probably for a reason.  Team RWBY are not as dumb as people would like them to be, and they are being cautious, which is a necessity in these situations.

 If they had come out and said that they would do everything they could to kill Salem, etc—THAT might be lying, but they didn’t.  They just asked how they could help him.

 Fear is a cruel master.  Team RWBY have worked through some of their fears, and part of that was probably thanks to the Apathy that magnified their emotions and doubts.  Ironwood has allowed his fears to consume him.

 And by the way, Ironwood did mention how sometimes certain things still held you from long ago during his pep-talk with Yang after she was framed for busting Mercury’s legs.  Something tells me that was a precursor for this as well.

 Anyway, those are my thoughts on that.

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

ask Two for the angst ones this time: 13 for raini, 5 (possibly will be pertinent come the end of this minicampaign) & 29 (she literally has Any Weapon w/ her pact so it's fititng) for ayen, 7 & 10 (hehe I know there's trauma in this one) for cog, and then mix and match 4, 17, 18 between Caspian, Ryker, and Brilliance bc I don't know them as well and I would Like To

My life is just below readmores now, I guess. Will I ever learn to shut the fuck up? No! And that is a promise 

Raini

13. What does it take to make your character cry? Oh boy. Raini definitely isn’t a big crier, because she a) doesn’t really let herself get to that point and b) hard pivots into “angry” over “upset” and she isn’t an angry crier. She’s cried twice in game so far, and probably not many times before that. In both in game cases -and likely the always alluded to but never seen “before times”- the catalyst for her crying was being overwhelmed. In a good way, bad way, whatever, but that’s the trigger. Just- Looking at something, not knowing what else to do but let yourself cry about it, and not seeing any reason to stop yourself.  (shfjsdjkfh the funny answer is: during sex. But can you IMAGINE jskdfskjdf)

Ayen

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves? Oh for sure. Without question. Not without guilt, in fairness, but without question. She’s pretty well adjusted, pretty “go with the flow”, but she did grow up in a pretty cutthroat world. She was spared from having to make those kinds of brutal decisions from a super young age by Shadow Mom, but she definitely saw the fallout of those choices and learned that, while it’s all well and good to do the “right” thing, it’s much more important to do the right thing for you. If that means condemning some stranger to die so you and yours don’t have to? So be it. Better people have done worse, because that’s sometimes just how things go.  I’ll be honest! This character decision was a completely on the fly one when we were having that debate in the library about what we should do with the information we learned in the library. But I stand by it. In character, Ayen 1000% sees whatever’s going on as Not Her Business. It’s fucked up, sure! But, you know. Not her monkeys, not her circus.  29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most? Bro I love that Ayen doesn’t have A Specific Weapon SO much. Especially because Pact of the Blade specifically makes it so that, whatever weapon she summons, she’s proficient in while wielding it. So she sees somebody using a weapon, goes “oh! cool!” and summons it herself, and then just. Intuitively knows how to use is. How fucking funny is that conceptually??  Her go to if things are serious or she doesn’t have time to pick something obscure is a longsword. Dad uses a greatsword, and a longsword is pretty close to that! Image how cool they looked fighting off assholes, back to back, with two bigass swords? Is that the only reason it’s her favorite? No of course not!!!! That would- that would be silly. And childish. Swords are just cool is all.  She hasn’t used any in game, but I think she honestly just doesn’t like any kind of polearm. It’s like, is it technically safer to be a little further from your enemy? Sure. Does it give you a small tactical advantage? Maybe so. But they’re so uglyyyy and they look weird and you have to use both hands and the balance is weird and >:( Spears can stay because you can throw them but you’re on thin fucking ice.

Cog

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? Thank GOD Alex I wanted this one for Cog SO bad!!! Valentine WastelandGame! If you can read this! You’re a dead motherfucker!! This is for a variety of reasons including but not limited to: - Is responsible for the deaths of at least 3 separate world leaders! Uh oh!  - Asked for my blood one time! To do Science on! Not cool! - Ace doesn’t like him. Enough said.  - Called Ace “hotheaded” and “brutish” keep his NAME out of your MOUTH - Is fucking Maelo’s ex I think? Honestly I lost that plot on that one a little bit - Keeps taking Sunny on dates! We’re protective and Jealous?? Hard to say! We don’t have time to unpack this one let’s keep moving - Is convinced aliens exist? And are coming to attack the world? OKAY  - Talks in fucking circles about philosophy and the greater meaning of “good” and “evil” in the context of the world. Like, no sir! Good is when you help people and evil is when you kill them! Except unless it’s me killing you which is going to happen because I can cast Finger of Death now and you better believe that spell has your fucking name on it. Freak boy. - Just like. Eats straight raw steak. Not Evil but really weird and probably not great for you? - Overall just a very bad slimy manipulative and stinky dude. 0/10 I’m gonna put an arcane bullet in his skull. Like. Everything Valentine does, everything she learns about him, convinces Cog more and more that the world would be a better, safer place if he wasn’t allowed to exist in it anymore. She was kinda neutral on the guy until he gave his grand speech in Cormir about how the only way to save the world is to ‘conquer and subdue it’ and tried to talk her in circles enough that she had to agree with him or seem like a hypocrite. Since then, it’s been a slow creep from “I don’t trust this man and don’t want to work with him again, even if it makes our lives harder” to “he’s dangerous and needs to be stopped” to “...if given the opportunity, I would kill him myself”. And now that she has our new friend the Shadow Demon whispering in her ear, telling her that “the world will tremble and change before her” and that she should “stride boldly, and fear not the consequences that may follow” honestly? The next time we see Valentine, he might be in trouble!  10. What were the character’s parents like? What was the affect the parents had on the character? Oh, is there trauma in this one? Is there? Alex? Is there? Maybe so!! We’re gonna talk about Cog’s dad first, because he’s a) still alive and b) I KNOW you’re fishing for more mom angst. Cog’s dad name is Conrad Grace! He’s the head of Lafaroh’s town guard, whatever that means for a town of maybe a hundred people. I feel like his day to day really consists more of making rounds to check on people than dealing with criminals, although he likely has to break up the occasional disagreement or toss somebody in the drunk tank for the night. He’s also in charge of making sure the Guardians -the gods that live deep in the swamp outside Lafaroh and protect the town in exchange for food, building supplies, the occasional corpse, and other resources- get their offerings (This is Important, because he does Stop doing that soon). He married into he Grace family (that’s RIGHT he took his wife’s last name because it’s 2021 and he’s Woke not because her family like runs the town okay moving on), initially because I genuinely believe he fell in love! They were probably pretty young, because Lafaroh is very much a Deep South Swamp Town Analogue, but I don’t think it was just a social power move. The most important Conrad fact? He told Cog that he became disillusioned with the Church when she left home, because he couldn’t imagine continuing to support something he could now see had so clearly been hurting her. And I, Rebekah, a homosexual who has had Words with my Christian parents about the way their religion has hurt me? OH buddy we were a little bit of a mess about it. DM Ryan! Don’t you know I’m projecting!! Please be more careful! (Editor’s Note: This is the moment that made me realize I was projecting. Whoopso!!) Cog’s mom name is Charlotte Grace Sr. because, I guess, we’re freaks. I hate that this makes Cog technically a junior because the thought of anyone calling her Charlotte Jr. makes me break out in hives, but it is, technically, correct. The distinction while Cog was growing up was, instead, “Charlotte” and “Charlotte Olivia” because, again, we’re southern as hell. Charlotte Sr. is, unsurprisingly, the head of Lafaroh’s church, which means she very much has more actual power than her husband does. She did love Cog, I think, but in a way that very much more felt like someone guarding an investment than raising a child, especially when Cog became a teenager. She had high, exacting expectations, and grew more distant from Cog the older she got. Whether this was an unintentional side-effect of Charlotte Sr. becoming more engrossed in the preparations necessary to allow Cog to become the “Conduit”, or whether it was a purposeful decision because she knew she would lose her daughter and wanted the sacrifice to hurt less is unclear. Cog’s dad is kinda just a dude, but we KNOW this bitch has mommy issues. I also think an important distinction to draw between the two is that while I’m willing to give Conrad the benefit of the doubt and say that he may have just wanted Cog to stay in Lafaroh when they party returned because he was worried about his daughter and wanted her home, Charlotte Sr. wanted Cog there because it was Where She Was Supposed To Be, because she had a destiny to fulfill. More than that, when Charlotte Sr. found out that Conrad had stopped sending supplies to the Guardians when Cog left and had instead been selling them to Bandits to get money to rebuild the town, she was not nearly so understanding. She accused him of heresy, and ordered for him to be, uh. Flayed alive. Which wasn’t great. It’s what got her killed ultimately; Cog had to choose between her parents, and after watching her Mama summon a shadow demon that very nearly choked the life out of Sunny? It was a choice with only one possible outcome. 

Caspian

18. Would society call your character a good guy or a bad guy? What would they say they are? Caspian is. Caspian is Just a person. Like she is just out here doing her best, trying not to get killed by, idk. Pirates or ghosts or w/e. This is an endeavor that, statistically, could be going a lot better.  I think the more interesting angle to look at this question from is the fact that she’s a monk from a well known monastery, and that there’s Expectations on how she conducts herself in the world as a result of that. She is Just A Person, but that’s not good enough. Not when she’s running around wearing Pelor’s holy symbol, representing his monastery, reflecting on him. For a long time, I think Caspian resented the expectation that put on her! Why can’t she just be a kid? Just a person? She didn’t ask to be raised by these monks in this kind of life. But when she left home and realized how suddenly lonely she was, there were quiet, sad moments it was easy to soften with prayer. Rekindling her relationship with her god was her way of staying connected to home, and I think it also made her want to go from being Just a Person to actually wanting to take pride in being a Good Person.  And then her campaign lasted for two fucking seconds lmao so it didn’t even matter hahah! :)

Ryker

4. Has your character ever been hurt or betrayed by someone they thought they could depend on? What happened? YEAH BOY rye-bread got his SHIT handed to him lmaoooo His whole “why are you adventuring?” deal is that he fell in love with the noblewoman he was hired to escort across the country to her betrothed’s estate, and she played him like a fucking fiddle and convinced him -after her wedding, after she was pregnant with her husband’s first child and therefore heir- that she was in love with him too. But of course, because she was married, her husband would never let them be happy together. She talked Ryker into killing her husband, and promised to meet him the night he did it with horses and supplies for both of them. Anyone reading along at home with even a shred of common sense probably just said, “uh oh!” And uh oh indeed; she fully sold his ass out. There’s something emotionally devastating about slipping out of the bedroom of the man you just killed, his blood still on your hands, to find the woman you love standing between two enormous guards, but I can’t quite put my finger on what.  Ryker figured out her plan in the following days he spent in a cell, awaiting execution. She didn’t love her husband, but by playing the role of grieving widow and anxious mother-to-be she could ingratiate herself with his family enough to be allowed to take control of the estate while her son, the true heir, grew up to run it. It was cruel, and clean, and if Ryker hadn’t managed to escape it would have gone off without a hitch.

Brilliance 

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not? Brilliance isn’t afraid of death, she’s afraid for what she’d leave behind. One of the songs on her playlist really leans into this (and I’m very excited to be posting her playlist soon! Stay tuned!), because she is terrified of what her death might do to Sienna. She never planned to become an adventurer, much less travel to the Hells to try and save an entire city. She was content, more than content, to guard Sune’s church, to help the people that came seeking her goddess’ blessing and guidance. When her city faced a sudden influx of refugees from Elturel after its destruction, she was even happy to volunteer to help the Flaming Fist keep order and root out would-be troublemakers. She never meant to get caught up in a job that would take her out of her home city, much less out of her home plane entirely. Every fight she got into in Hell, every time it seemed like she may be staring down something that might kill her, Brilliance had to swallow down the overwhelming guilt of knowing that if she died here Sienna would never know what happened to her. The image of Sienna, worried and pacing, looking toward the door to their apartment every time there was so much as a whisper in the hallway, desperate for any sign that Brilliance had come home-- It wasn’t delusions of self-importance or self-preservation that had Brilliance taking Glasya’s deal to save her from the narzugon’s clutches; it was the image of Sienna collapsing onto their bed and sobbing because she finally admitted to herself that Brilliance was never coming home. Still. Sienna needs her, but her party needs her too. They’re counting on her to be there for them, to take the big hits that they can’t handle. First one in, last one out; she doesn’t leave until everyone else is safe. She wants to survive, she wants to go home and marry the woman she loves, but she couldn’t live with herself if she did it at the cost of the life of someone who was depending on her. Brilliance isn’t afraid of death; she would die for her party members, even the ones she doesn’t particularly like. She just knows exactly what the cost of her death would be. 

[badbackgroundscience]

Science of “The Seven”

I watched Amazon’s The Boys this week. So instead of the usual 60′s Marvel fare, here’s some tangential science relating to the superpowers featured in the show:

1. Homelander can’t see through zinc.

This is obviously a play on Superman not being able to see through lead, but the switch brings up some problems with the physics involved. X-rays - light with wavelengths ranging between 0.01 and 10 nm* - can’t travel through a lump of lead because lead is super dense. It’s nearly the heaviest non-radioactive element, with (usually) 208 protons+neutrons and 82 electrons. And its atoms pack very closely together.**

Combining that density with the fact that lead atoms are also very good at attenuating x-ray light (meaning the amount of x-ray photons that can penetrate a certain thickness of lead drops exponentially as that thickness increases), it makes sense that Superman’s x-ray vision’s weakness is lead.

But zinc is a smaller atom (usually 64 protons+neutrons and 30 electrons) and its atoms don’t pack as tightly; it’s about 1.5 times less dense than lead. It’s X-ray attenuation is generally lower, but not too different, from lead (compare this graph vs this one). Together, this makes it easier for x-rays to penetrate zinc than lead.

So why can’t Homelander see through zinc, but (supposedly) see through lead? It could be that the x-rays he emits correspond to a wavelength that zinc absorbs more than lead does. Annoyingly, the absorption spectra I can find all seem to be dealing with zinc compounds (e.g. ZnO, ZnS) instead of pure zinc metal. So I can’t tell you exactly what wavelength that would need to be.

Sorry.***

2. The Deep has torso gills

Fish are ectotherms, meaning their body temperature is regulated by their environment. Mammals - including cetaceans (i.e. whales, porpoises, and dolphins) - are endotherms. We generate our own body heat. Kevin presumably does, too.

This means that a man needs more oxygen than a man-sized fish does. About 15 times the oxygen, in fact. It’s the gills’ job to extract oxygen from water and pump it into the fish’s bloodstream; bigger fish have bigger gills, but a 75-kg man needs gills 15 times the size of a 75-kg fish’s. Not necessarily in length, but in collection area. And that’s assuming you’re not doing any physical activity that ups your oxygen requirements.

But on top of that, oxygen is far less abundant in water than it is in air - about 20 times less for the same volume. If an average human needs a quart**** of oxygen per minute, their gills would need to strain 51 gallons of water every minute to meet that requirement.

Combining these two factors, designer and material scientist-dabbler Jun Kamei is developing a set of artificial gills, and claims the final device will have a surface area of 32 square meters (344 square feet).

The human lung surface area is somewhere around 75 square meter range, so if you’ve got gills that can pack as efficiently as lungs do, you probably could fit them into your abdomen. Maybe not Chase Crawford’s abdomen, but a stockier human’s abdomen.

The real problem here is that Kevin’s doing himself no favors by covering the gills up while he’s underwater. Water rushing through the gills is the whole point, and you’ve just made it 1000% harder.

3. A-Train (and Popclaw) booms and bu(r)sts

According to the race announcer that one episode, A-Train can reach speeds over 1000 miles per hour. Assuming that’s true and not a horrible exaggeration, as soon as he passes the speed of sound (767 mph at sea level), A-Train would create sonic booms. Not a single boom. Constant booms for as long as he’s going fast enough. You (as a single individual) only hear one, but that’s only because you’re not moving.

We never see him do this, so we must conclude he’s not a complete idiot and only goes this fast when he’s far away from people and architecture. (If I read the screen right, he only clocks in at 371 in his race.)

As for the secret girlfriend he murdered, there are several species of amphibians that can stick their own bones out through their skin to use as weapons. For example, species of frog within the genus Astylosternus, and Trichobatrachus robustus (aka the hairy frog). The Spanish ribbed newt can push its ribs out through its torso; when threatened, its skin also secrets poison, turning its bones into poisonous barbs.*****

4. Translucent isn’t see-through. He’s see-around.

As the man explains to Jimmy the late night host (No, not that Jimmy the late night host...the other Jimmy the late night host), his skin can convert at will to a “carbon metamaterial” that bends light around it. 

We don’t know if there are other elements involved besides carbon, but if there aren’t, the real-world comparison is graphene -- an atom-thick layer of carbon atoms bonded to each other forming a honeycomb pattern.

Given its thickness, it’s translucent itself. [Side note: yes, “translucent” doesn’t mean invisible. However, some dictionaries (e.g. Merriam Webster and the OED) include alternative definitions identical to "transparent"...which goes against everything I ever learned. But either way, he actually is translucent when he isn’t “translucent”. Because human skin is translucent, assuming there isn’t too much melanin in it.]

A 2D sheet of graphene has a breaking strength of 42 Pa (0.0061 psi). That number seems super small, but it's actually reflecting the strongest material we know of. You'd need 4,300 pounds balanced on a pencil (pointy end on the graphene) to break through that atom-thick sheet.

Alternatively, if I did my back-of-the-envelope math right, you’d need a 50 gram .50-cal bullet traveling at ~770,000 mph (and coming to a stop in ~1 millisecond). Now, the human epidermis averages ~1mm thick. That's 3 million layers of graphene. 

However, if you manage to put a crack into your graphene, it becomes brittle on par with a ceramic.`*

As for being able to electrocute Translucent because carbon is “highly conductive”, graphene is indeed so; however, other carbon compounds aren't (e.g. diamonds). It all depends on the positioning of electrons within the solid (moving electrons = flowing charge). Since we don’t know what Translucent’s metamaterial is, we’ll have to take the show at its word.

Though here’s some bonus info: metamaterials are all synthetic. Which would mean that Translucent had this skin installed somehow. Or, it’s a very subtle dig at Compound V being used to create superheroes that only I caught.

The one thing that the season left bugging me about Translucent was his eyeballs. Somehow those are see-through.

5. Starlight pushes it real good

Our newest member of the Seven can use concentrated light to knock baddies off their feet, as well as throw them several meters back. This is an exaggerated form of reality. Light can actually push stuff. 

Photons do exert a teeny tiny amount of pressure on whatever they hit. It’s called radiation pressure. The amount is sufficient for something like a solar sail (The above image is LightSail 2), but not wiping the floor with a criminal.

According to (more) envelope math, Starlight would need to emit ~30 PetaWatts to deliver a good boxer-level punch to a baddie standing ~2 meters away. That's the equivalent amount of energy released by 7.2 million tons of TNT exploding, in 1 second. 

Also, given the color of the light she emits, she’s probably emitting a spectrum identical to our Sun, meaning she’s emitting a ton of light that normally gets blocked by our atmosphere, including x-rays and ultraviolet radiation.

She’s definitely given someone a melanoma at some point during her life. Or at least a very bad sunburn.

Bonus: Ice Princess shatters wangs

Final back-of-the-envelope math, calculating how fast that guy's (presumably erect) penis would freeze being enveloped by an ice vagina at -346 °F (-210 °C). A combination of calculating the heat lost per second via conduction, and the amount of energy lost as body-temp water cools and converts to ice.

Came out to 0.1 seconds. 

Faster than I expected...

_______________________________________________________________________

* Visible light is ~400-700 nm

** There are several (nonradioactive) metals more dense than lead, but more rare/expensive, like gold and iridium. 

*** Also, brass can be up to 45% zinc. Does that mean Homelander can only sort of see through brass?

**** Get out of here with your imperial units, self...

***** Fun fact: it can regenerate lost limbs, heart tissue, brain cells, and its spinal cord

`* Butt cracks don’t count.

_______________________________________________________________________

Image credits:

Zinc - CC BY 3.0

gills By Chris 73, CC BY-SA 3.0

frog claws from Barej et al 2010

sonic boom By I, Melamed katz, CC BY-SA 3.0

graphene By U.S. Army Materiel Command, CC BY 2.0

lightsail 2 By Josh Spradling / The Planetary Society CC BY-SA 3.0

ice by Ian Mackenzie CC BY 2.0

[mittensmorgul]

not a strictly spn question, but, as someone who wants to start writing, how the ever-loving fuck do you pump out so many fics so fast?? i’ve been working on outlining the same three stories for like a year (not really) ((but kinda))

Hi there, and congrats on that much outlining! I��� don’t outline that much, ever, for anything. But I also don’t think I crank out fics all that fast. It might seem that way sometimes, but the Pinefest fic I posted in February has actually been drafted (and through several rounds of editing) since last August. I only just posted it for Pinefest. So it might seem there was only a month and a half between me writing that and the thing I posted last night, I’ve actually been working on THAT since January… three and a half months for 30k isn’t very fast. :P

I’m putting this under a cut because it’s kinda long, and possibly boring or irrelevant in the big scheme of things…

(I once wrote a 105k word original novel in 15 days, and a friend of mine wrote a 130k novel in just over three days on a deadline, but heck that is atypically fast… and nearly killed them… no really they developed shingles from the stress of it, do not recommend)

So I might be slightly biased here, but at some point you gotta stop outlining and start writing. That’s the secret. You can’t crank out stories unless you actually start writing them.

That said, when I say I don’t outline, I mean I have notes for fic that range from this, for my 8k short:

*soulmate situation described here: http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/173681098950/i-saw-a-writing-prompt-that-went-like-this-you Officially written and posted on 11/14/18 as Lost Time.

that’s just a link to a post that inspired the thing, to this, for a 65k fic: 

*NAILED IT! How could I fanfic my way through this baking show? or maybe I should just… write fanfic of this… (notes document: Cakepocalypse notes) (in process as of 4/1/18 as a potential dcbb as Cakepocalypse) (posted 6/23/18)https://archiveofourown.org/works/15017792

(sorry, I removed the link to my notes doc, but what I am willing to show of that:

wherein a lot of those 15 pages consists of images of the cakes in each challenge for my own personal reference while writing.)

Basically the ONLY two fics I’ve ever written an outline for structurally required it:

Cakepocalypse and Around the World in 24 Days, both fics based off “reality show” formats– Cakepocalypse was basically Nailed It!, and AtWi24D is the Amazing Race (and over 101k, based on about 5k worth of very detailed notes I’d be happy to show you if you come off anon). There was no way I could keep track of that many “contestants” and all their challenges, travel, baking, guests, etc. without keeping these sorts of detailed notes.

My previous pinefest fic, Winchester 275, was a 57k AU based on a two sentence thing that had been sitting on my to be written list for YEARS:

*(writing for pinefest, working title of Winchester 275 as of 8/29/17, draft finished 11/29/17, posted 3/6/18 http://archiveofourown.org/works/13788693) astronomy night at a dude ranch in arizona, Cas brings the telescope, dean only sees the stars in his eyes oh god did i actually write that down? yes. yes i did.

And my first DCBB, Revenge of the Subtext, was 80k based on a one sentence prompt: http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/130269813965/meangreenlimabean-mittensmorgul.

So if your fic doesn’t NEED you to make such detailed notes, just start writing already. :D

When I first started writing (loooong before I ever started writing fic), some of my encouraging friends told me some interesting stories. We got to talking about how annoying it was that so many people respond to someone saying they write with, “Oh, I’ve been thinking about writing a novel for years,” or something else along those lines. My friend told me she knew a guy who had been outlining his novel for more than a decade, but never seemed to be able to get it quite right so that he felt he could start writing. With that sort of attitude, he probably never will, you know?

You will never have a “perfect” outline. Just like you’ll never have a “perfect first draft.” You have to have a draft to be able to edit it, you know? Can’t edit a blank page, and an outline can only take you so far before it becomes so fleshed out that it ceases to be an outline and looks more like a first draft.

So set a writing goal for yourself. Shoot for easy to start with, and then you can tweak the goal as you fall into the habit. Say, 200 words a day. Or 1000 words a week (because in all honesty you might miss a day here and there, and you shouldn’t get down on yourself for that, either). I personally shoot for 1000 words on days when I write, but I’ve been doing this for more than a decade now. I don’t always make it, but sometimes I double that, or quintuple it, or more. And I have scheduled days off (Supernatural nights when new episodes air, and usually the day after, and Monday night when I play pub trivia and it’s Mr. Mittens’ night off work). But outside of those days, barring extreme exhaustion or illness, I try to write at least 1000 words a night.

Being that I’m not an outliner, I feel I need to say that I always know the whole story before I start writing. It’s all up inside my head, running like a film that I “transcribe” into a fic. So even if I don’t have a written, bullet-pointed list of plot points and emotional beats, I do have the “finished product” looping through my head continuously until I transcribe it all. I know that’s not actually useful writing advice for most people, and I have no idea if this is how anyone else approaches writing, but it’s how it works for me. Minor details may only show up while I’m writing, but the whole story is already there.

This is why I never, ever post incomplete, wip fic. I am a compulsive editor, mostly because I don’t create detailed outlines before I start, and for the sake of continuity, editing is my friend. Can’t go back to insert a reference into chapter 3 that will become important by chapter 14 if you posted chapter 3 half a year ago, you know? Your readers are not gonna go back and reread your updates when you remember that Important Detail never actually made it onto the page in the exact way you needed it to way back when. :P

Now, an outliner MAY have picked that detail up and inserted it before they ever started writing, but one thing folks might not understand until they actually start writing: Actually writing the thing out, making it flesh and letting it breathe, will inherently change your two-dimensional outline. I’m not saying that your plot will derail itself, but only once you begin bringing the story to life, begin living on the page through the characters, will you begin to feel them as living beings, and can really begin to understand them and make them feel real to readers. No outline can do this, and will always fall short of feeling “good enough” for this reason.

(sorry, a lot of how I feel about writing sounds slightly unhinged when I try to talk about it, so please remember that the first original novel I wrote was based on a recurring nightmare I had after a psychotic break, which I literally wrote as therapy to banish the Bad Thoughts. Yes, it worked. Yes, that’s why I still write this way more than a decade later.)

But this is where you’ll begin to fill in the “gaps” inherent in any outline. Personality quirks, inside jokes between characters, feeling their feelings and translating that to the page. But also picking up all the dangling threads like repeating themes and emotional triggers.

I think I’ve gone way far off the path here…

Basically, pick one of your outlines. Decide you’re gonna start writing it. Then start writing it. It’s that simple, and that seemingly impossible. Write one sentence. Then write another. Then write lots more.

Good luck! I know it’s terrifying. I’m terrified every time I pick a new fic idea to write and stare at that blank document. But I stare it down, give a hearty pterodactyl screech, and dive bomb the keyboard. It’s really the only way to do it.

It’s worked pretty well for me so far. :P

[wanna1things]

Soulmate!Hwang Minhyun

me, aggressively screaming into the void: I LOVE MINHYUN im so whipped for this boy and his 2 pairs of gucci trainers

Genre;; fluff + job! au??? school! au but like teachers! au and soulmate!au ofc

Warnings;; uhh mentions of stress

Pairing;; Hwang Minhyun x reader

Requested;; nope

Soulmate AU Type;; when you and your soulmate are close together you can see a faint red string connecting your wrists (red string soulmate au yesss) ++ you can also see the red string when either one of you is hurting (emotionally anD physically;; the other soulmate like the one who isn’t hurting can see it but the one who IS hurting can’t) (sorry this is difficult to explain i hope i did it okay??)

Summary;; When you start your new job at the local high school, one teacher really catches your eye… And he always happens to be there for you whenever you’re down.

Style;; bullet point

Word Count;; 1414

Also in this series;; Daniel | Woojin | Jihoon | Jinyoung

i love this I love minhyun

honestly your whole life you thought the red string thing was fake

your friends all seemed to have found their red string or at least seen it but

you’d never even caught a GLIMPSE of the thing

your friends were the ones who told you about it after they found their own soulmates

honestly it all sounded rather,, extra to you lol

and to be honest you were quite sure you were destined to be alone

and you know what those destined to be alone do?? they get a job!!!!!!

once you finish your studies

majoring in english

you decide to apply to work in a school which was close to your college

it seemed like a nice school, not too much drama but not too little

(come on everyone needs tea once in awhile)

you apply with your closest friend at the time, Jaehwan,, who (thank god) already had found his soulmate honestly if you turned out to be soulmates with him you might die from that laughter 24/7

you both manage to get jobs but your departments are opposite sides of the school :(

he is over in the music and performing arts area

whereas you’re in with english and social sciences

the first department meeting you go to you notice someone

i mean you’re pretty sure everyone else in the room noticed him too lol

one of the business and english teachers was… the most beautiful man you’ve ever laid your eyes on??

even though he wasn’t wearing particularly smart clothes he might as well have been he looked like a model

while you’re staring at the beauty of this guy on the opposite side of the room to you someone pokes you in the shoulder

“I see you’ve noticed Mr Hwang Minhyun. Before you ask, hes room 311. I’m Mr Yoon Jisung, by the way, philosophy teacher, room 309. Nice to meet you!”

“haha yeah sorry he’s just,, very good looking. I’m y/n y/l/n, english teacher! I can’t remember my room number but uh nice to meet you too!”

the jisung guy turns to his computer and pulls up a file and searches up your name lol

“Ahh, y/n… you got lucky, you’re room 310. Right next to your new love interest Mr Hwang!”

ah great

now you have to face him every day

honestly you two never end up talking

you wave at each other occasionally in the corridor, sometimes he’ll pick you up a coffee from the machine and leave it on your desk but

nothing more really;;

that’s until one day you’re staying late to start planning classes for tomorrow

when you get a text from literally the LAST friend you have who also hasn’t found their soulmate

it’s only a sentence long but its enough to bring tears to your eyes

‘y/n, I found my soulmate!’

you want more than anything to be happy for them but you can’t help but feel useless

like why do you have to be the last out of everyone?? will you ever even find your soulmate?

a soft knock on the door interrupts your tears and minhyun walks in with two cups of coffee in one of those like cardboard things lol

“Hey, y/n... I could hear you from next door, what’s wrong?”

you don’t even have enough time to question how he managed to hear you through a brick wall before your tears are flowing again

you know how it is,, whenever someone is nice to you ; you always cry more lol

he puts down the coffee on your desk and pulls one of the chairs over to sit next to you

in complete silence he puts his arms around you and like;; cradles you while you cry and rubs your back and hands you tissues every so often

you swear that in between the blurs of tears you see a faint flash of red uhm

but you brush it off as it being a piece of his clothing and just;; continue letting out your emotions lol

when you’re finally done you sit up and thank him and he just smiles right back at you

“no need to thank me! do you want to tell me what’s up? if you don’t that’s totally fine but like sharing is caring…wait no i mean a problem shared is a problem halved”

you laugh at his mistake and mumble back

“i’m the last person left out of my friends who doesn’t have a soulmate…”

minhyun pats your shoulder when you say this and he leans down to look into your eyes

“Hey, y/n, that doesn’t mean anything!! Look at me!! I still haven’t found mine”

YOUR HEART STARTS SUDDENLY RACING AS YOU REMEMBER THE FLASH OF RED uhh 1+1=2 is this what you think this is??

but then you notice the red charity bracelet around his wrist and your hopes = gone

he winks at you and grabs a post-it note, jotting down a number and passing it to you with one of the cups of coffee

“I have to go work on my stuff for tomorrow, but if you ever need anything just call me and uhh enjoy your coffee!”

he stands up and starts to walk out the door and you shout a quick “thank you” and he just responds with an “anytime, y/n!”

you like text him almost immediately as you sip the coffee

somehow he… has put the right amount of milk and sugar like damn is this boy a magician or psychic or something ??????????

you end up texting until literally 2am

the next day you both turn up to work looking like you got dragged through a bush

minhyun pulls it off (he could pull of wearing a TRASH BAG) but… not sure if you can say the same about yourself lol

you keep this up for a good week

and you two are so close now even the students are starting to ship it

you can’t deny that you,, have feelings,, for minhyun

he’s just the right amount of kind and funny it’s amazing HE’S amazing

anYWAY y’all out here talking until 2am every night

until you find yourself falling super behind on the work and marking for your students

you literally lock yourself in your house one friday night and try to mark like 1000 english test papers

you’re not even 100 in and you’ve already forgotten how the hell english works

suddenly theres a knock at your door

its like 11pm so honestly… you’re confused who the hell is it

you grab your baseball bat and unlock the door to a very confused looking minhyun

“were you going to hit me with that?? I text you to say I was coming”

again you didn’t have time to question how the hell he worked out where you lived before you’re rushing back to find your phone

15 unread messages from minhyun

‘haha yes omg did you hear jisung today he was telling the class jokes i could hear the groaning from my room lol’

‘hey’

‘hey’

‘hey y/n’

‘where u at’

‘WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER’

‘what are you doing that is more important than me :(‘

‘if you don’t respond in 3 minutes i will be worried’

‘it’s only been 1 minute but i’m worried you’re always on your phone 24/7 this is not like you’

‘that’s it y/n’

‘i’m coming over’

‘see you in ten!’

‘five minutes away!’

‘two mins now!’

‘let me IN it’s cold out here!!’

whoOPS in future don’t put your phone on silent in a completely different room when you have a minhyun wanting to make fun of jisung

while you’re trying to process still how he managed to get here you look down at your hands and you see a faint red line tied around your wrist in a bow

the string flows from your wrist and is tied in a bow around minhyun’s wrist

you look up at him and he smiles widely at you

“that’s how i managed to work out where you live, I followed the string just like i did when you were sad before”

boy;; damn knew y’all were soulmates for thAT LONG

honestly you don’t know whether to fist bump because you scored the most beautiful human or to cry because it was damn worth the wait OR kiss him

you decide on fist bumping and then doing the 3rd option lol

um tiny bonus:

when you tell jaehwan and jisung they... fist bump too

p.s. jaehwan cries

YES I LOVE MINHYUN NOW IM GOING TO SLEEP

[toddbirchard-architect]

A Question Unanswered: "Why Did You Want to Become a Product Manager?" https://ift.tt/2TgGxLf

I've painted some pretty grim personal perspectives on Product Management in the past- perhaps comically so. There was that one time I dared make the sweeping generalization that most  PMs have no interest in technology itself, but instead favored the glory of power and implied intellect. Or that other time, when I suggested oversaturation of the space could push the title towards meaninglessness... similar to the fate of marketing departments recent fall from grace to what is best described as “MailChimp Coordinators.”  Brutal stuff.

That was around the time I decided to distance myself from Product. I figured this bubble of egotistical hustlers would pop at some point. I’m afraid I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Product Management: Bigger and Badder Than Ever

I mean “bad” in the literal sense, of course. Let’s rest on that for a moment to acknowledge what is objectively true: Product Management is certainly getting bigger. Bigger not only in the sense of volume, but salaries as well; reports are showing that average product management salaries have been on a steady upward trend (I'll post those them here once I find them). One report had the average salary of senior/director PMs overtaking Data Scientists: a perceived front runner for “sexiest job” thanks to a stupid article the Harvard Business Review wrote a hundred years ago. (On a side note, can we please never reference this article again? It’s excruciating to read field-based work without some subtle reminder that the author is “sexy.”)

In terms of volume of product managers, I don’t need to search for data to know something is wrong. Of the teams I’ve worked with in the last 10 years, whether they be external clients or departments in my org, it’s overwhelmingly common to see technical team breakdowns have as many or more Product Managers than actual engineers. In extreme cases, I’ve lobbied, begged, and cried for more Engineering staff in exchange for guaranteeing deadlines. The response, of course, is always the same: hire more managers. The thought process I imagine happening is “hey, there’s something going on there, we better bring in a Skilled Manager to figure that out!” Assuming that poor management is a company’s culture, the safest thing any upper-manager can do to hide their own cluelessness is place more buffers between themselves and problems.

My moment of Zen came to me after I had just started with a large company. Our team had a product team, as did the other (hundreds?) of teams in the same firm. With a straight face, our team’s Head of Product delivered the year’s initiative: to teach all the other Product Managers the concept of Agile Development. I paused. Looked around. Raised my hand, and could do nothing but say:

...Are we not addressing the more significant problem at hand here? How have we somehow managed to hire hundreds of PMs, each without the slightest clue as to how to do their jobs?

One person chuckled. As the head of product gave a political no-answer, I watched a room full of people trying not to internalize that statement. I was “taught” agile 4 times that year. I had been implementing Agile Development practices for 8 years prior.

Why Do You Want To Be a PM?

Ask any PM how they got into the profession, and I’ll almost guarantee you’ll receive some story of transitioning out of marketing or recruiting (neither of which have anything to do with product) because an opportunity opened up way back when. My personal answer to this question started by defining what I didn’t want.

It was a rainy day in Philadelphia. Now 10 years ago, the Comcast headquarters had just been completed as the tallest building in the city, and I held a gig on the top floor... as a Flash Developer. I was nearing the end of my contract, and a bit relieved to know that “White Shirt Wednesdays” and “Blue Shirt Mondays” would no longer remain in my vocabulary. As a favor, one of my bosses asked me to deliver a USB drive to a fellow on my floor whom I’d never actually met. After some quick directions to this gentleman’s office, I was beginning to see why he’d be hard to come by.

I was directed to what must have been a hallway perhaps 3 feet wide, and 10 feet long. One of those big-office “alleyways” to connect two sides of a floor. Strangely, one wall of this alleyway had a door- no, an entire office, looking out into the blueish grey wall 3 feet away. This was the guy.

I explained my business and delivered the USB drive. “The guy” wasn’t worried; in fact, he immediately laid back in his chair, hands folded behind his head, and let out a breath of self-satisfaction. “So you’re a developer, huh,” he asked.  “Let me ask you this: what you want out of life?” Before I could think to respond, he continued: “I mean, look at all this,” gesturing around his 8x8 foot office. “If you stayed here at Comcast, all this could be yours too someday, you know.”

So there I was, on the 50-somethingth floor of the city’s tallest building, shrouded in storm clouds, sitting in a fluorescent-lit closet in a corporate office back alley. As the seconds ticked by, it became evident that this wasn’t a hilarious joke. At that moment, one thing was clear: I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of life, but I sure as hell didn’t want to be that guy.

(...And I definitely didn’t want to get to be that guy by building throwaway corporate apps in Adobe Flash).

Finding What I Wanted Out of Life

From that moment, I thought a lot about what I didn't want out of life. I knew that I loved coding, but after having picked up handfuls of Flash contracting jobs, I began to realize a trend. The more I created things for other people, my sense of autonomy diminished, the less individuality I had, and therefore, the less I enjoyed the act of coding. In a board meeting, one company referred to me as "the secret weapon." Another dubbed me the "the bullet," both of these things implying the same truth: when assigned a project, I would dissect it, refactor any nonsense, and over-deliver under time, and under budget.

That's all great, but I didn't want that. The problems I had with this type of heads-down work were the questions I had no authority to ask, such as:

Why are we building this in the first place? Is it really worth this much budget, as opposed to a simpler and cheaper solution?

Does anybody honestly believe that this feature will resonate with users? Imagine yourself using this app, except it wasn't your app. Is there any point of building this feature other than a stakeholder's personal need to have a sense of ownership over something?

We have meetings every week about problem X. Why don't we consider building Y to solve this issue?

As I analyzed "what I wanted out of life," I began to notice other things happening around me. I was putting in 18+ hours a day of work attempting to save a final project for University, which happened to be a video game. Thanks to some administrative nightmare, 6 people of our 9-man team became virtually unreachable midway through the project (it's a long story). I found myself taking point and scheduling check-ins (standups?) with the remaining troops. Despite their limited coding experience, we found ways to play to our strengths. We had one man on audio and soundtrack, one guy on visuals, and me on... everything else.

I lost the better half of a year and a relationship to that project. It was miserable. Meanwhile, the other fully-staffed projects were doing fine; in fact, they were flourishing. It didn't matter that the other teams didn't deliver anything technically impressive, or in some cases, finished. The teams which did best were significantly rewarded for the idea they had, despite being virtually unchanged from day 1. What's more, those receiving the highest credit contributed nothing but the concept itself (typically stolen from a project at another university, mind you).

Nobody cared that I personally pushed the limits of web browsers at the time to create a multiplayer RPG. Nor should they, in retrospect: nobody had attempted to do this; thus, nobody had any barometer for the effort or complexity involved. That was Lesson 1: Nobody Who Matters Cares How Impressive Your Code Is.

Meanwhile, professors were euphorically celebrating projects they could understand: which were typically simple apps which leveraged social media somehow. Word on the street was that each of the "idea guys" got taken out for drinks in celebration of their genius. Lesson 2: Hard Work And Originality Does Not Equate to Success.

Our project got abysmal scores. Begrudgingly, we went along with an event to showcase all projects that year and set up a station where anybody could sit down and play. We had 4 computers running the app over a local network, and the crowd loved it. Despite being cast into a dark shadowy corner of the room, it turned out users knew what they wanted more than professors. Lesson 3: The World Has Too Much Clueless Leadership. If you're not careful, you could spend your entire life programming something that had no place in the world to begin with. 9/10 startups fail, which I think is a high success rate considering 9/1000 ideas I hear regularly are abysmal.

How I Became A Product Manager

I didn't become a Product Manager because I was transferred, or promoted as an intern, or failed as a developer. I became a Product Manager by searching for Product Manager jobs out of college, and I landed it.

Everything I had learned from that final year of University taught me so many things that lead to a single conclusion: I am not happy in my career unless I am:

Collaborating with intelligent people.

Always having a say in defining what it is being built.

Building something meaningful.

I became a Product Manager because I was born to be a Product Manager. I love to code, but there isn't a single job description that reads "code what you think is best for the company." In fact, if we were to translate most job descriptions, they'd probably be closer to "code the thing that will get the person above you a promotion." I couldn't bear to watch my hobby become something I hated, and I knew the world is filled with developers who live that reality daily. I wanted to help them.

I would challenge all organizations to ask PM candidates why they've chosen the path. If a candidate cannot articulate a purpose which is unselfish, or legitimately speaks to their interests, they should not be hired. End of story.

Transitioning to a technical lead role allows me to do some  of the things I set out to accomplish as a PM, but perhaps not as much as I'd like. The notion of switching back feels uneasy: the world has far too many Product Managers as it stands, regardless of how mediocre they may be. And let us not forget the "walled garden" effect: PMs can only become PMs because they know PMs. Shitty PMs hire more shitty PMs, and so on. I can say this from my personal experience interviewing at shitty companies I had no intention of joining: shitty PMs hate me. Misery loves company.

If I truly want to stick to what I love, a Principal Engineering role or equivalent feels like the next logical step for somebody like me to take. I can only hope the world's Product Management Hyenas can stay off Google Calendar and Slack for long enough to not to kill hope in the people I hope to help before then.

March 20, 2019 at 11:12AM

[restatebrk24219]

How To Write A Great Product Description Page

How To Write A Great Product Description Page

Every web-browsing human being reads a product description, almost every day. Most product descriptions are eye-bleeding horrors of lousy copy and unclear information. That means some of the most-read digital content is some of the worst.

We can do better.

This is my sort-of-system for better product descriptions. Use as you see fit.

Two Kinds Of Descriptions

You’re writing two product descriptions:

The SERP snippet, to improve rankings and generate clicks

The product description page, to generate sales

Both impact rankings. But writing just for rankings will kill sales, and vice-versa. You have to find the right balance.

I beg of you, please don’t go and rewrite 10,000 product descriptions to the exact formula I outline here. It’s a starting point. Be creative.

The Product Description Page

This is the classic “product description.” Folks read it when they’re making their buying decision. They’re looking at two things that your writing can impact:

Value

Features

If UX is solid and the product is good, a great description will explain features and establish value so well that the customer clicks buy.

I focus on three elements of the product description page:

The on-page title

The blurb

The bullets

The Product Description Page

The Product Description Page

If you don’t have bullets, may I suggest adding them?

There’s lots of other stuff: Images, call to action, price, for example. I’m not writing about those here. I know my limitations.

Check For Duplication

If you’re rewriting an existing description, check for duplication.

Copy two sentences from the blurb

Put them in quotes

Paste them into Google

Do these sentences appear on other sites? That might be OK. But for SEO, duplicate content is a problem. Also, ask yourself: If your product description matches one or more other sites, what reason do folks have to buy from you, instead of them? If you can’t answer, you need to rewrite.

Gahhh! Duplicates. This is a problem.

Gahhh! Duplicates. This is a problem.

If you need to rewrite the description, don’t worry. Follow the rest of these recommendations, and it’ll happen naturally.

The On-Page Title

Note: Writing titles for Amazon is an entirely different discipline. Start with these recommendations, but you’ll need to include more product detail. It’s annoying, I know.

Your on-page product title starts as the product name:

Fast Roller TX 1000

But it must pass the Blank Sheet of Paper Test: The title, written on a blank sheet of paper, should make sense to a knowledgeable stranger. The Fast Roller is a road bicycle tire. Try this:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire

That sounds like an SEO wrote it. When you’re wearing your SEO hat, though, you don’t write copy. You optimize it. Never optimize while you write.

I want something tighter. Remember, the blank sheet of paper test says a knowledgeable stranger. So this will work:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire

Maybe there are two TX 1000s, though: One for each valve type. Then I end up with:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Presta; and Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Schrader

You want higher rankings, though, so you’re tempted to write a fifty-word title. Use your judgment. An overweight title won’t pass the blank sheet of paper test:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire Flat Proof Presta 700C 150TPI Bike Rolling Thingie With A Valve And Tube And Stuff

The knowledgeable stranger will give up. Think before you start keyword stuffing.

The Blurb: Write An Appeal

Fill the blanks:

If [thing or need] then this is a perfect [product].

Example:

"If you [want puncture-resistance] then this is a perfect [road bike tire].”

That’s your appeal. It’s not the only way, but it’s a robust introduction.

You can combine multiple appeals:

“If you want puncture resistance and great handling, then this road bike tire is perfect.”

Or even:

“The TX 1000 provides puncture resistance without sacrificing weight, for a tire that delivers great handling and low rolling resistance.”

Again, I plead. I beg. I implore. Don’t use this as a formula.

The Blurb: Point Out Results

Something about this product makes it uniquely valuable. I hope.

Tell me how you outperform:

“In testing, the TX 1000 showed greater flat-resistance than all major competitors.”

Describe unique features. Get specific!!!

“The TX 1000 is the only tire with an unobtainium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

I won’t call this the USP because the term’s so overused it makes me ill.

The Blurb: Find The Unnoticed Obvious

Find one important unnoticed feature related to the appeal. For example threads per inch (TPI) affect a road cycling tire’s puncture-resistance and handling. If no competitors talk about TPI, we should:

“150 TPI means a supple, flat-resistant sidewall.”

Now, I have:

“If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

Progress.

The Blurb: Remove Words That Should Never Be Spoken

Plague words. Ew. Additionally, really, indeed, obviously. Shudder. Dump them all.

I’ve got a whole list of plague words right here. If you use ’em, delete ’em.

“If you want puncture resistance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

I also dislike overuse of unrivaled, unmatched, best, fantastic, or any other phrase that doesn’t apply to your product or your category of product. If you’re Rolex, maybe you can say unrivaled. If you sell shoelaces, stop it.

The Blurb: Remove The Breathless

Avoid the painfully obvious. Without bicycle tires, I get sparks and hemorrhoids. And only an idiot wants a tire that combines high rolling resistance with vulnerability to sharp objects. I get it.

Don’t tell me I’ll love this product, either. You’re already implying that. Saying it out loud seems needy and pushes me away.

“In cycling, tires are important. Performance and flat resistance matter. If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation. You’ll love this tire!”

I know I need a bicycle tire. Tell me why I need this bicycle tire.

The Blurb, Resplendent

Here’s what we’ve got:

“If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

On to the bullets.

The Bullets: Find The Questions (And Answer Them)

Bullets are punchy little bits of information. Readers scan for them. Use them to dispel concerns and answer questions. Finding good bullet content is easy:

Go to Amazon.com. Search for your product, or a relevant one. Scroll down to “questions.”

Answers to questions make great bullets

Answers to questions make great bullets

If there are any, find the five most-read and most-asked. Write a brief response to each one. Keep those answers handy.

Do the same on other sites: Walmart, Jet, and vertical-specific sellers all have “questions” sections.

Those will become bullets in your product description. You might even repeat items from the blurb, like “150 TPI.” Use your judgment.

I found many questions about tire weight, tube versus tubeless, and sidewall color. So my bullets could be:

10 grams (a guy can wish)

Requires a tube

Black sidewalls

You can skip bullets if you want. Maybe you don’t need them. That’s fine. I mean, who needs to answer all those pesky customer questions, right? That’s my over annoying parental way of saying you need bullets. Bribe the developer. Get the branding team drunk and ask for written approval. Whatever you have to do.

Destroy the FAQ

The FAQ is where copywriters go to die. If there are frequently asked questions about a product, write brief answers for those, too. Add them to your bullets, or the product description. Or add a separate section for related FAQ.

If you’re reselling someone else’s product, look at the manufacturer’s FAQ.

Those can become more bullets or part of the blurb.

Everyone wants to know if we guarantee this tire. We provided this answer, so I turned it into a bullet:

10 grams (a guy can wish)

Requires a tube

Black sidewalls

Guaranteed rim fit and flat resistance against normal debris. No rampaging hippos

What About…?

Product specifications? Your call. I don’t think you need specs for a capybara plushie. You might if you sell roofing shingles.

Product ingredients? I like to put them after the bullets, but it depends on the product. A bag of popsicle sticks doesn’t need a list of ingredients. I hope.

Just Get To The SEO, Ian

If you did all of the above, you’ve got an optimized product description page. If you want to take it further:

Make sure you don’t avoid your keyword. You sell bicycle tires, not inflatable wheel support.

Start with the important stuff. Ingredients rarely belong in the first paragraph. Your appeal does.

Do some smart internal linking.

And, you need to work on your SERP snippet:

The SERP Snippet

The product description page is your pitch. The snippet is about search visibility and clickthru.

I’m going to focus on the title element and meta description. They’re usually the bulk of the snippet:

Title element and meta description tag, in a SERP

Title element and meta description tag, in a SERP

It may include reviews and other bits, too. That’ll be another post.

The Title Element

If you don’t know what a title element/tag (same thing, different names) is, here’s a primer.

First, follow the Blank Sheet Of Paper Test. I like to start with the product description page title:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Presta

But I probably need to include “bike” or “bicycle” to separate me from motorcycles and cars:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire: Presta

Now, use a keyword research tool like Moz, SEMRush or Merchantwords to find the most-researched product features. I found these:

Flat-resistant bicycle tires

Fast bicycle tires

Bicycle tires weight

Road tire vs. mountain bike tire

I also found a lot of folks search for quantitative features:

Size (700c)

Inflation pressure (110psi)

I might add these to my description:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire – Presta – 700c – 110psi

Remember to check the current maximum title element length. We have a nifty SERP preview tool that can help.

Turns out my title is too long, so I have to get ruthless. I remove the less-important feature:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire – Presta – 700c – 110psi

OK. Title complete.

The Meta Description

If you’re not sure what a meta description tag is, read this.

The meta description has zero direct impact on rankings. It does, however, impact clickthru. These are a few things I try to do:

First: Include the features for which you believe people will search. Those get bolded. Their presence will reinforce that this is the right product. If someone searches for “rolling resistance,” “presta,” and “schrader,” and I have that word in my meta description, the search snippet will look like this:

A SERP snippet with bolded words

A SERP snippet with bolded words

The searcher is more likely to click.

Second: Use the highest-performing ad text. A few years ago, Wil Reynolds made this recommendation. It blew my mind: Use the highest-performing PPC ad text as your description tag. You’ve already tested that text. You know it gets high clickthru from a SERP. Blew. My. Mind.

I don’t recommend doing this for the on-page, visible product description. Ad text is optimized for search results, not a product page.

Finally: If it’s relevant, include differentiators: Shipping time, available colors/sizes, genuine original, etc. Anything that matters to your audience. On the other hand, don’t tell me you have genuine original socks. I care exactly not at all.

Try to use all available characters. As I write this, the accepted maximum is 300 characters. It changes all the time. Do your research.

Done! Or Not.

You’ve written a great product description page. You’ve got a great SERP snippet. Nice!

Keep an eye on page performance. Look at clickthru rates. Revise. Keep trying to..

http://bit.ly/2N7uZrZ

[seoprovider2110]

How To Write A Great Product Description Page

How To Write A Great Product Description Page

Every web-browsing human being reads a product description, almost every day. Most product descriptions are eye-bleeding horrors of lousy copy and unclear information. That means some of the most-read digital content is some of the worst.

We can do better.

This is my sort-of-system for better product descriptions. Use as you see fit.

Two Kinds Of Descriptions

You’re writing two product descriptions:

The SERP snippet, to improve rankings and generate clicks

The product description page, to generate sales

Both impact rankings. But writing just for rankings will kill sales, and vice-versa. You have to find the right balance.

I beg of you, please don’t go and rewrite 10,000 product descriptions to the exact formula I outline here. It’s a starting point. Be creative.

The Product Description Page

This is the classic “product description.” Folks read it when they’re making their buying decision. They’re looking at two things that your writing can impact:

Value

Features

If UX is solid and the product is good, a great description will explain features and establish value so well that the customer clicks buy.

I focus on three elements of the product description page:

The on-page title

The blurb

The bullets

The Product Description Page

The Product Description Page

If you don’t have bullets, may I suggest adding them?

There’s lots of other stuff: Images, call to action, price, for example. I’m not writing about those here. I know my limitations.

Check For Duplication

If you’re rewriting an existing description, check for duplication.

Copy two sentences from the blurb

Put them in quotes

Paste them into Google

Do these sentences appear on other sites? That might be OK. But for SEO, duplicate content is a problem. Also, ask yourself: If your product description matches one or more other sites, what reason do folks have to buy from you, instead of them? If you can’t answer, you need to rewrite.

Gahhh! Duplicates. This is a problem.

Gahhh! Duplicates. This is a problem.

If you need to rewrite the description, don’t worry. Follow the rest of these recommendations, and it’ll happen naturally.

The On-Page Title

Note: Writing titles for Amazon is an entirely different discipline. Start with these recommendations, but you’ll need to include more product detail. It’s annoying, I know.

Your on-page product title starts as the product name:

Fast Roller TX 1000

But it must pass the Blank Sheet of Paper Test: The title, written on a blank sheet of paper, should make sense to a knowledgeable stranger. The Fast Roller is a road bicycle tire. Try this:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire

That sounds like an SEO wrote it. When you’re wearing your SEO hat, though, you don’t write copy. You optimize it. Never optimize while you write.

I want something tighter. Remember, the blank sheet of paper test says a knowledgeable stranger. So this will work:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire

Maybe there are two TX 1000s, though: One for each valve type. Then I end up with:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Presta; and Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Schrader

You want higher rankings, though, so you’re tempted to write a fifty-word title. Use your judgment. An overweight title won’t pass the blank sheet of paper test:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire Flat Proof Presta 700C 150TPI Bike Rolling Thingie With A Valve And Tube And Stuff

The knowledgeable stranger will give up. Think before you start keyword stuffing.

The Blurb: Write An Appeal

Fill the blanks:

If [thing or need] then this is a perfect [product].

Example:

"If you [want puncture-resistance] then this is a perfect [road bike tire].”

That’s your appeal. It’s not the only way, but it’s a robust introduction.

You can combine multiple appeals:

“If you want puncture resistance and great handling, then this road bike tire is perfect.”

Or even:

“The TX 1000 provides puncture resistance without sacrificing weight, for a tire that delivers great handling and low rolling resistance.”

Again, I plead. I beg. I implore. Don’t use this as a formula.

The Blurb: Point Out Results

Something about this product makes it uniquely valuable. I hope.

Tell me how you outperform:

“In testing, the TX 1000 showed greater flat-resistance than all major competitors.”

Describe unique features. Get specific!!!

“The TX 1000 is the only tire with an unobtainium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

I won’t call this the USP because the term’s so overused it makes me ill.

The Blurb: Find The Unnoticed Obvious

Find one important unnoticed feature related to the appeal. For example threads per inch (TPI) affect a road cycling tire’s puncture-resistance and handling. If no competitors talk about TPI, we should:

“150 TPI means a supple, flat-resistant sidewall.”

Now, I have:

“If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

Progress.

The Blurb: Remove Words That Should Never Be Spoken

Plague words. Ew. Additionally, really, indeed, obviously. Shudder. Dump them all.

I’ve got a whole list of plague words right here. If you use ’em, delete ’em.

“If you want puncture resistance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

I also dislike overuse of unrivaled, unmatched, best, fantastic, or any other phrase that doesn’t apply to your product or your category of product. If you’re Rolex, maybe you can say unrivaled. If you sell shoelaces, stop it.

The Blurb: Remove The Breathless

Avoid the painfully obvious. Without bicycle tires, I get sparks and hemorrhoids. And only an idiot wants a tire that combines high rolling resistance with vulnerability to sharp objects. I get it.

Don’t tell me I’ll love this product, either. You’re already implying that. Saying it out loud seems needy and pushes me away.

“In cycling, tires are important. Performance and flat resistance matter. If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation. You’ll love this tire!”

I know I need a bicycle tire. Tell me why I need this bicycle tire.

The Blurb, Resplendent

Here’s what we’ve got:

“If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

On to the bullets.

The Bullets: Find The Questions (And Answer Them)

Bullets are punchy little bits of information. Readers scan for them. Use them to dispel concerns and answer questions. Finding good bullet content is easy:

Go to Amazon.com. Search for your product, or a relevant one. Scroll down to “questions.”

Answers to questions make great bullets

Answers to questions make great bullets

If there are any, find the five most-read and most-asked. Write a brief response to each one. Keep those answers handy.

Do the same on other sites: Walmart, Jet, and vertical-specific sellers all have “questions” sections.

Those will become bullets in your product description. You might even repeat items from the blurb, like “150 TPI.” Use your judgment.

I found many questions about tire weight, tube versus tubeless, and sidewall color. So my bullets could be:

10 grams (a guy can wish)

Requires a tube

Black sidewalls

You can skip bullets if you want. Maybe you don’t need them. That’s fine. I mean, who needs to answer all those pesky customer questions, right? That’s my over annoying parental way of saying you need bullets. Bribe the developer. Get the branding team drunk and ask for written approval. Whatever you have to do.

Destroy the FAQ

The FAQ is where copywriters go to die. If there are frequently asked questions about a product, write brief answers for those, too. Add them to your bullets, or the product description. Or add a separate section for related FAQ.

If you’re reselling someone else’s product, look at the manufacturer’s FAQ.

Those can become more bullets or part of the blurb.

Everyone wants to know if we guarantee this tire. We provided this answer, so I turned it into a bullet:

10 grams (a guy can wish)

Requires a tube

Black sidewalls

Guaranteed rim fit and flat resistance against normal debris. No rampaging hippos

What About…?

Product specifications? Your call. I don’t think you need specs for a capybara plushie. You might if you sell roofing shingles.

Product ingredients? I like to put them after the bullets, but it depends on the product. A bag of popsicle sticks doesn’t need a list of ingredients. I hope.

Just Get To The SEO, Ian

If you did all of the above, you’ve got an optimized product description page. If you want to take it further:

Make sure you don’t avoid your keyword. You sell bicycle tires, not inflatable wheel support.

Start with the important stuff. Ingredients rarely belong in the first paragraph. Your appeal does.

Do some smart internal linking.

And, you need to work on your SERP snippet:

The SERP Snippet

The product description page is your pitch. The snippet is about search visibility and clickthru.

I’m going to focus on the title element and meta description. They’re usually the bulk of the snippet:

Title element and meta description tag, in a SERP

Title element and meta description tag, in a SERP

It may include reviews and other bits, too. That’ll be another post.

The Title Element

If you don’t know what a title element/tag (same thing, different names) is, here’s a primer.

First, follow the Blank Sheet Of Paper Test. I like to start with the product description page title:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Presta

But I probably need to include “bike” or “bicycle” to separate me from motorcycles and cars:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire: Presta

Now, use a keyword research tool like Moz, SEMRush or Merchantwords to find the most-researched product features. I found these:

Flat-resistant bicycle tires

Fast bicycle tires

Bicycle tires weight

Road tire vs. mountain bike tire

I also found a lot of folks search for quantitative features:

Size (700c)

Inflation pressure (110psi)

I might add these to my description:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire – Presta – 700c – 110psi

Remember to check the current maximum title element length. We have a nifty SERP preview tool that can help.

Turns out my title is too long, so I have to get ruthless. I remove the less-important feature:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire – Presta – 700c – 110psi

OK. Title complete.

The Meta Description

If you’re not sure what a meta description tag is, read this.

The meta description has zero direct impact on rankings. It does, however, impact clickthru. These are a few things I try to do:

First: Include the features for which you believe people will search. Those get bolded. Their presence will reinforce that this is the right product. If someone searches for “rolling resistance,” “presta,” and “schrader,” and I have that word in my meta description, the search snippet will look like this:

A SERP snippet with bolded words

A SERP snippet with bolded words

The searcher is more likely to click.

Second: Use the highest-performing ad text. A few years ago, Wil Reynolds made this recommendation. It blew my mind: Use the highest-performing PPC ad text as your description tag. You’ve already tested that text. You know it gets high clickthru from a SERP. Blew. My. Mind.

I don’t recommend doing this for the on-page, visible product description. Ad text is optimized for search results, not a product page.

Finally: If it’s relevant, include differentiators: Shipping time, available colors/sizes, genuine original, etc. Anything that matters to your audience. On the other hand, don’t tell me you have genuine original socks. I care exactly not at all.

Try to use all available characters. As I write this, the accepted maximum is 300 characters. It changes all the time. Do your research.

Done! Or Not.

You’ve written a great product description page. You’ve got a great SERP snippet. Nice!

Keep an eye on page performance. Look at clickthru rates. Revise. Keep trying to..

http://bit.ly/2N7uZrZ

[realtor10036]

How To Write A Great Product Description Page

How To Write A Great Product Description Page

Every web-browsing human being reads a product description, almost every day. Most product descriptions are eye-bleeding horrors of lousy copy and unclear information. That means some of the most-read digital content is some of the worst.

We can do better.

This is my sort-of-system for better product descriptions. Use as you see fit.

Two Kinds Of Descriptions

You’re writing two product descriptions:

The SERP snippet, to improve rankings and generate clicks

The product description page, to generate sales

Both impact rankings. But writing just for rankings will kill sales, and vice-versa. You have to find the right balance.

I beg of you, please don’t go and rewrite 10,000 product descriptions to the exact formula I outline here. It’s a starting point. Be creative.

The Product Description Page

This is the classic “product description.” Folks read it when they’re making their buying decision. They’re looking at two things that your writing can impact:

Value

Features

If UX is solid and the product is good, a great description will explain features and establish value so well that the customer clicks buy.

I focus on three elements of the product description page:

The on-page title

The blurb

The bullets

The Product Description Page

The Product Description Page

If you don’t have bullets, may I suggest adding them?

There’s lots of other stuff: Images, call to action, price, for example. I’m not writing about those here. I know my limitations.

Check For Duplication

If you’re rewriting an existing description, check for duplication.

Copy two sentences from the blurb

Put them in quotes

Paste them into Google

Do these sentences appear on other sites? That might be OK. But for SEO, duplicate content is a problem. Also, ask yourself: If your product description matches one or more other sites, what reason do folks have to buy from you, instead of them? If you can’t answer, you need to rewrite.

Gahhh! Duplicates. This is a problem.

Gahhh! Duplicates. This is a problem.

If you need to rewrite the description, don’t worry. Follow the rest of these recommendations, and it’ll happen naturally.

The On-Page Title

Note: Writing titles for Amazon is an entirely different discipline. Start with these recommendations, but you’ll need to include more product detail. It’s annoying, I know.

Your on-page product title starts as the product name:

Fast Roller TX 1000

But it must pass the Blank Sheet of Paper Test: The title, written on a blank sheet of paper, should make sense to a knowledgeable stranger. The Fast Roller is a road bicycle tire. Try this:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire

That sounds like an SEO wrote it. When you’re wearing your SEO hat, though, you don’t write copy. You optimize it. Never optimize while you write.

I want something tighter. Remember, the blank sheet of paper test says a knowledgeable stranger. So this will work:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire

Maybe there are two TX 1000s, though: One for each valve type. Then I end up with:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Presta; and Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Schrader

You want higher rankings, though, so you’re tempted to write a fifty-word title. Use your judgment. An overweight title won’t pass the blank sheet of paper test:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire Flat Proof Presta 700C 150TPI Bike Rolling Thingie With A Valve And Tube And Stuff

The knowledgeable stranger will give up. Think before you start keyword stuffing.

The Blurb: Write An Appeal

Fill the blanks:

If [thing or need] then this is a perfect [product].

Example:

"If you [want puncture-resistance] then this is a perfect [road bike tire].”

That’s your appeal. It’s not the only way, but it’s a robust introduction.

You can combine multiple appeals:

“If you want puncture resistance and great handling, then this road bike tire is perfect.”

Or even:

“The TX 1000 provides puncture resistance without sacrificing weight, for a tire that delivers great handling and low rolling resistance.”

Again, I plead. I beg. I implore. Don’t use this as a formula.

The Blurb: Point Out Results

Something about this product makes it uniquely valuable. I hope.

Tell me how you outperform:

“In testing, the TX 1000 showed greater flat-resistance than all major competitors.”

Describe unique features. Get specific!!!

“The TX 1000 is the only tire with an unobtainium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

I won’t call this the USP because the term’s so overused it makes me ill.

The Blurb: Find The Unnoticed Obvious

Find one important unnoticed feature related to the appeal. For example threads per inch (TPI) affect a road cycling tire’s puncture-resistance and handling. If no competitors talk about TPI, we should:

“150 TPI means a supple, flat-resistant sidewall.”

Now, I have:

“If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

Progress.

The Blurb: Remove Words That Should Never Be Spoken

Plague words. Ew. Additionally, really, indeed, obviously. Shudder. Dump them all.

I’ve got a whole list of plague words right here. If you use ’em, delete ’em.

“If you want puncture resistance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

I also dislike overuse of unrivaled, unmatched, best, fantastic, or any other phrase that doesn’t apply to your product or your category of product. If you’re Rolex, maybe you can say unrivaled. If you sell shoelaces, stop it.

The Blurb: Remove The Breathless

Avoid the painfully obvious. Without bicycle tires, I get sparks and hemorrhoids. And only an idiot wants a tire that combines high rolling resistance with vulnerability to sharp objects. I get it.

Don’t tell me I’ll love this product, either. You’re already implying that. Saying it out loud seems needy and pushes me away.

“In cycling, tires are important. Performance and flat resistance matter. If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation. You’ll love this tire!”

I know I need a bicycle tire. Tell me why I need this bicycle tire.

The Blurb, Resplendent

Here’s what we’ve got:

“If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

On to the bullets.

The Bullets: Find The Questions (And Answer Them)

Bullets are punchy little bits of information. Readers scan for them. Use them to dispel concerns and answer questions. Finding good bullet content is easy:

Go to Amazon.com. Search for your product, or a relevant one. Scroll down to “questions.”

Answers to questions make great bullets

Answers to questions make great bullets

If there are any, find the five most-read and most-asked. Write a brief response to each one. Keep those answers handy.

Do the same on other sites: Walmart, Jet, and vertical-specific sellers all have “questions” sections.

Those will become bullets in your product description. You might even repeat items from the blurb, like “150 TPI.” Use your judgment.

I found many questions about tire weight, tube versus tubeless, and sidewall color. So my bullets could be:

10 grams (a guy can wish)

Requires a tube

Black sidewalls

You can skip bullets if you want. Maybe you don’t need them. That’s fine. I mean, who needs to answer all those pesky customer questions, right? That’s my over annoying parental way of saying you need bullets. Bribe the developer. Get the branding team drunk and ask for written approval. Whatever you have to do.

Destroy the FAQ

The FAQ is where copywriters go to die. If there are frequently asked questions about a product, write brief answers for those, too. Add them to your bullets, or the product description. Or add a separate section for related FAQ.

If you’re reselling someone else’s product, look at the manufacturer’s FAQ.

Those can become more bullets or part of the blurb.

Everyone wants to know if we guarantee this tire. We provided this answer, so I turned it into a bullet:

10 grams (a guy can wish)

Requires a tube

Black sidewalls

Guaranteed rim fit and flat resistance against normal debris. No rampaging hippos

What About…?

Product specifications? Your call. I don’t think you need specs for a capybara plushie. You might if you sell roofing shingles.

Product ingredients? I like to put them after the bullets, but it depends on the product. A bag of popsicle sticks doesn’t need a list of ingredients. I hope.

Just Get To The SEO, Ian

If you did all of the above, you’ve got an optimized product description page. If you want to take it further:

Make sure you don’t avoid your keyword. You sell bicycle tires, not inflatable wheel support.

Start with the important stuff. Ingredients rarely belong in the first paragraph. Your appeal does.

Do some smart internal linking.

And, you need to work on your SERP snippet:

The SERP Snippet

The product description page is your pitch. The snippet is about search visibility and clickthru.

I’m going to focus on the title element and meta description. They’re usually the bulk of the snippet:

Title element and meta description tag, in a SERP

Title element and meta description tag, in a SERP

It may include reviews and other bits, too. That’ll be another post.

The Title Element

If you don’t know what a title element/tag (same thing, different names) is, here’s a primer.

First, follow the Blank Sheet Of Paper Test. I like to start with the product description page title:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Presta

But I probably need to include “bike” or “bicycle” to separate me from motorcycles and cars:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire: Presta

Now, use a keyword research tool like Moz, SEMRush or Merchantwords to find the most-researched product features. I found these:

Flat-resistant bicycle tires

Fast bicycle tires

Bicycle tires weight

Road tire vs. mountain bike tire

I also found a lot of folks search for quantitative features:

Size (700c)

Inflation pressure (110psi)

I might add these to my description:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire – Presta – 700c – 110psi

Remember to check the current maximum title element length. We have a nifty SERP preview tool that can help.

Turns out my title is too long, so I have to get ruthless. I remove the less-important feature:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire – Presta – 700c – 110psi

OK. Title complete.

The Meta Description

If you’re not sure what a meta description tag is, read this.

The meta description has zero direct impact on rankings. It does, however, impact clickthru. These are a few things I try to do:

First: Include the features for which you believe people will search. Those get bolded. Their presence will reinforce that this is the right product. If someone searches for “rolling resistance,” “presta,” and “schrader,” and I have that word in my meta description, the search snippet will look like this:

A SERP snippet with bolded words

A SERP snippet with bolded words

The searcher is more likely to click.

Second: Use the highest-performing ad text. A few years ago, Wil Reynolds made this recommendation. It blew my mind: Use the highest-performing PPC ad text as your description tag. You’ve already tested that text. You know it gets high clickthru from a SERP. Blew. My. Mind.

I don’t recommend doing this for the on-page, visible product description. Ad text is optimized for search results, not a product page.

Finally: If it’s relevant, include differentiators: Shipping time, available colors/sizes, genuine original, etc. Anything that matters to your audience. On the other hand, don’t tell me you have genuine original socks. I care exactly not at all.

Try to use all available characters. As I write this, the accepted maximum is 300 characters. It changes all the time. Do your research.

Done! Or Not.

You’ve written a great product description page. You’ve got a great SERP snippet. Nice!

Keep an eye on page performance. Look at clickthru rates. Revise. Keep trying to..

http://bit.ly/2N7uZrZ

[repmrkting17042]

How To Write A Great Product Description Page

How To Write A Great Product Description Page

Every web-browsing human being reads a product description, almost every day. Most product descriptions are eye-bleeding horrors of lousy copy and unclear information. That means some of the most-read digital content is some of the worst.

We can do better.

This is my sort-of-system for better product descriptions. Use as you see fit.

Two Kinds Of Descriptions

You’re writing two product descriptions:

The SERP snippet, to improve rankings and generate clicks

The product description page, to generate sales

Both impact rankings. But writing just for rankings will kill sales, and vice-versa. You have to find the right balance.

I beg of you, please don’t go and rewrite 10,000 product descriptions to the exact formula I outline here. It’s a starting point. Be creative.

The Product Description Page

This is the classic “product description.” Folks read it when they’re making their buying decision. They’re looking at two things that your writing can impact:

Value

Features

If UX is solid and the product is good, a great description will explain features and establish value so well that the customer clicks buy.

I focus on three elements of the product description page:

The on-page title

The blurb

The bullets

The Product Description Page

The Product Description Page

If you don’t have bullets, may I suggest adding them?

There’s lots of other stuff: Images, call to action, price, for example. I’m not writing about those here. I know my limitations.

Check For Duplication

If you’re rewriting an existing description, check for duplication.

Copy two sentences from the blurb

Put them in quotes

Paste them into Google

Do these sentences appear on other sites? That might be OK. But for SEO, duplicate content is a problem. Also, ask yourself: If your product description matches one or more other sites, what reason do folks have to buy from you, instead of them? If you can’t answer, you need to rewrite.

Gahhh! Duplicates. This is a problem.

Gahhh! Duplicates. This is a problem.

If you need to rewrite the description, don’t worry. Follow the rest of these recommendations, and it’ll happen naturally.

The On-Page Title

Note: Writing titles for Amazon is an entirely different discipline. Start with these recommendations, but you’ll need to include more product detail. It’s annoying, I know.

Your on-page product title starts as the product name:

Fast Roller TX 1000

But it must pass the Blank Sheet of Paper Test: The title, written on a blank sheet of paper, should make sense to a knowledgeable stranger. The Fast Roller is a road bicycle tire. Try this:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire

That sounds like an SEO wrote it. When you’re wearing your SEO hat, though, you don’t write copy. You optimize it. Never optimize while you write.

I want something tighter. Remember, the blank sheet of paper test says a knowledgeable stranger. So this will work:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire

Maybe there are two TX 1000s, though: One for each valve type. Then I end up with:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Presta; and Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Schrader

You want higher rankings, though, so you’re tempted to write a fifty-word title. Use your judgment. An overweight title won’t pass the blank sheet of paper test:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire Flat Proof Presta 700C 150TPI Bike Rolling Thingie With A Valve And Tube And Stuff

The knowledgeable stranger will give up. Think before you start keyword stuffing.

The Blurb: Write An Appeal

Fill the blanks:

If [thing or need] then this is a perfect [product].

Example:

"If you [want puncture-resistance] then this is a perfect [road bike tire].”

That’s your appeal. It’s not the only way, but it’s a robust introduction.

You can combine multiple appeals:

“If you want puncture resistance and great handling, then this road bike tire is perfect.”

Or even:

“The TX 1000 provides puncture resistance without sacrificing weight, for a tire that delivers great handling and low rolling resistance.”

Again, I plead. I beg. I implore. Don’t use this as a formula.

The Blurb: Point Out Results

Something about this product makes it uniquely valuable. I hope.

Tell me how you outperform:

“In testing, the TX 1000 showed greater flat-resistance than all major competitors.”

Describe unique features. Get specific!!!

“The TX 1000 is the only tire with an unobtainium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

I won’t call this the USP because the term’s so overused it makes me ill.

The Blurb: Find The Unnoticed Obvious

Find one important unnoticed feature related to the appeal. For example threads per inch (TPI) affect a road cycling tire’s puncture-resistance and handling. If no competitors talk about TPI, we should:

“150 TPI means a supple, flat-resistant sidewall.”

Now, I have:

“If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

Progress.

The Blurb: Remove Words That Should Never Be Spoken

Plague words. Ew. Additionally, really, indeed, obviously. Shudder. Dump them all.

I’ve got a whole list of plague words right here. If you use ’em, delete ’em.

“If you want puncture resistance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

I also dislike overuse of unrivaled, unmatched, best, fantastic, or any other phrase that doesn’t apply to your product or your category of product. If you’re Rolex, maybe you can say unrivaled. If you sell shoelaces, stop it.

The Blurb: Remove The Breathless

Avoid the painfully obvious. Without bicycle tires, I get sparks and hemorrhoids. And only an idiot wants a tire that combines high rolling resistance with vulnerability to sharp objects. I get it.

Don’t tell me I’ll love this product, either. You’re already implying that. Saying it out loud seems needy and pushes me away.

“In cycling, tires are important. Performance and flat resistance matter. If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a really supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation. You’ll love this tire!”

I know I need a bicycle tire. Tell me why I need this bicycle tire.

The Blurb, Resplendent

Here’s what we’ve got:

“If you want to balance puncture resistance and performance, then this is a perfect road bike tire. 150 TPI means a supple, flat-resistant sidewall that doesn’t sacrifice handling or increase rolling resistance. The TX 1000 is also the only tire with an unobtanium valve for greater durability and easier inflation.”

On to the bullets.

The Bullets: Find The Questions (And Answer Them)

Bullets are punchy little bits of information. Readers scan for them. Use them to dispel concerns and answer questions. Finding good bullet content is easy:

Go to Amazon.com. Search for your product, or a relevant one. Scroll down to “questions.”

Answers to questions make great bullets

Answers to questions make great bullets

If there are any, find the five most-read and most-asked. Write a brief response to each one. Keep those answers handy.

Do the same on other sites: Walmart, Jet, and vertical-specific sellers all have “questions” sections.

Those will become bullets in your product description. You might even repeat items from the blurb, like “150 TPI.” Use your judgment.

I found many questions about tire weight, tube versus tubeless, and sidewall color. So my bullets could be:

10 grams (a guy can wish)

Requires a tube

Black sidewalls

You can skip bullets if you want. Maybe you don’t need them. That’s fine. I mean, who needs to answer all those pesky customer questions, right? That’s my over annoying parental way of saying you need bullets. Bribe the developer. Get the branding team drunk and ask for written approval. Whatever you have to do.

Destroy the FAQ

The FAQ is where copywriters go to die. If there are frequently asked questions about a product, write brief answers for those, too. Add them to your bullets, or the product description. Or add a separate section for related FAQ.

If you’re reselling someone else’s product, look at the manufacturer’s FAQ.

Those can become more bullets or part of the blurb.

Everyone wants to know if we guarantee this tire. We provided this answer, so I turned it into a bullet:

10 grams (a guy can wish)

Requires a tube

Black sidewalls

Guaranteed rim fit and flat resistance against normal debris. No rampaging hippos

What About…?

Product specifications? Your call. I don’t think you need specs for a capybara plushie. You might if you sell roofing shingles.

Product ingredients? I like to put them after the bullets, but it depends on the product. A bag of popsicle sticks doesn’t need a list of ingredients. I hope.

Just Get To The SEO, Ian

If you did all of the above, you’ve got an optimized product description page. If you want to take it further:

Make sure you don’t avoid your keyword. You sell bicycle tires, not inflatable wheel support.

Start with the important stuff. Ingredients rarely belong in the first paragraph. Your appeal does.

Do some smart internal linking.

And, you need to work on your SERP snippet:

The SERP Snippet

The product description page is your pitch. The snippet is about search visibility and clickthru.

I’m going to focus on the title element and meta description. They’re usually the bulk of the snippet:

Title element and meta description tag, in a SERP

Title element and meta description tag, in a SERP

It may include reviews and other bits, too. That’ll be another post.

The Title Element

If you don’t know what a title element/tag (same thing, different names) is, here’s a primer.

First, follow the Blank Sheet Of Paper Test. I like to start with the product description page title:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Tire: Presta

But I probably need to include “bike” or “bicycle” to separate me from motorcycles and cars:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire: Presta

Now, use a keyword research tool like Moz, SEMRush or Merchantwords to find the most-researched product features. I found these:

Flat-resistant bicycle tires

Fast bicycle tires

Bicycle tires weight

Road tire vs. mountain bike tire

I also found a lot of folks search for quantitative features:

Size (700c)

Inflation pressure (110psi)

I might add these to my description:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire – Presta – 700c – 110psi

Remember to check the current maximum title element length. We have a nifty SERP preview tool that can help.

Turns out my title is too long, so I have to get ruthless. I remove the less-important feature:

Fast Roller TX 1000 Road Bicycle Tire – Presta – 700c – 110psi

OK. Title complete.

The Meta Description

If you’re not sure what a meta description tag is, read this.

The meta description has zero direct impact on rankings. It does, however, impact clickthru. These are a few things I try to do:

First: Include the features for which you believe people will search. Those get bolded. Their presence will reinforce that this is the right product. If someone searches for “rolling resistance,” “presta,” and “schrader,” and I have that word in my meta description, the search snippet will look like this:

A SERP snippet with bolded words

A SERP snippet with bolded words

The searcher is more likely to click.

Second: Use the highest-performing ad text. A few years ago, Wil Reynolds made this recommendation. It blew my mind: Use the highest-performing PPC ad text as your description tag. You’ve already tested that text. You know it gets high clickthru from a SERP. Blew. My. Mind.

I don’t recommend doing this for the on-page, visible product description. Ad text is optimized for search results, not a product page.

Finally: If it’s relevant, include differentiators: Shipping time, available colors/sizes, genuine original, etc. Anything that matters to your audience. On the other hand, don’t tell me you have genuine original socks. I care exactly not at all.

Try to use all available characters. As I write this, the accepted maximum is 300 characters. It changes all the time. Do your research.

Done! Or Not.

You’ve written a great product description page. You’ve got a great SERP snippet. Nice!

Keep an eye on page performance. Look at clickthru rates. Revise. Keep trying to..

http://bit.ly/2N7uZrZ

[works-of-evection-blog]

I was a product tester for an app similar to Uber. Final Part.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Needless to say, something took over me from that moment. I no longer felt scared or vulnerable. It was as if a slow-burning adrenalin had finally filled my entire body and all of my systems were ‘go’. I went back to my laptop, staring defiantly at the black box.

“Alright, you fuckers. What is it this time?” I clicked the box and a webpage opened up. It was loading a video.

“Cherie what the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m fed up of waiting for answers! Dean, this game ends today. Those assholes are going to get what’s coming to them and I’m going to be a part of it.”

I stared directly into my webcam as I finished that sentence. No fear, no sense. I wasn’t sure what the look Dean gave me translated to, but he didn’t try to stop me.

The video started playing. It looked like surveillance footage from some sort of warehouse. Apart from a few shelves, there was nothing else in the shot. Don’t ask me how, but my gut, my gut that I should’ve listened to from the start, told me that this was where they held those hostages.

“This is the key, Dean. I just know it. We have to figure out where this is-“

Suddenly a person wearing a balaclava walked into view and stared up at the camera. As we watched, he slowly drew a phone out of his pocket and brought it up to his neck, where he made a slicing motion, as if it were a knife.

“Hey, turn up the sound.”

On Dean’s order, I turned the sound up as far as it would go. Faintly, we heard what sounded like a vehicle approaching. The hooded man walked out of view. Norman’s phone buzzed. Dean picked it up, “It says ‘keep watching’.”

Turning our heads back to the screen, we saw the warehouse door moving. Someone was outside, trying to get in. After some heavy banging, the door didn’t budge. After a little more time and some quieter sounds, the door cracked open. Greg and his team emerged from the sunlight outside. I picked up my phone and dialled him. I watched as he answered.

“Cherie I’m kinda busy at the moment,”

“I know, we can see you guys on a surveillance camera to your left. They sent me a link on my laptop. Someone’s in there, we saw them.”

I watched as he hung up and took out his gun. He nodded to the surveillance camera in recognition. I didn’t even realise how tightly I was clenching my jaw. All we could do was watch, we had no idea where this warehouse was or what would happen next.

Suddenly, Greg seemed to stiffen up. He dropped his gun and the other four cops lowered theirs slowly. We watched as a woman stumbled into view and dropped to her knees. Greg was visibly shaking as he uttered the name, “L..Lauren.”

His wife. Those bastards had his wife. The hooded man came back, standing behind Lauren, pointing a gun to the back of her head. I let out a gasp. I couldn’t believe this situation. What’s more, I wanted to be there, I wanted to intervene. This had to stop. No more killing.

“We need to get there, Dean. We need to go. How the fuck do we figure out where it is?”

Dean suddenly leaned in close to the screen, staring into my webcam.

“They’ll tell us.”

That was all it took to get a text sent to both of our cheap phones.

Wait outside.

I didn’t care where this led, I was going. I went to my kitchen and grabbed a knife – the only weapon I had in my house.

“Geez, Cherie, you sure about this?”

“One hundred percent.”

I grabbed my jacket and walked outside, not waiting for Dean to follow. Minutes later, he joined me. After a few minutes, a car turned up with two people inside.

“That’s them. The twins I met – Bella and Johan.” We got in the back seats, the twins stared straight ahead, robot-like. They took off calmly, as if everything was normal.

“So who are you guys, really?” Dean asked impatiently.

They didn’t reply straight away, but the man looked like he was pondering an answer. I had to cut in. “Don’t think about it, just fucking answer the question.”

“Wow Dean, your little girlfriend here is rather rude. How on earth did she pass the interview?” I watched Dean clutch something under his jacket. His face was turning red with anger.

“Give us some answers, now.”

The man let out an exaggerated sigh, then spoke, “Look, guys. All we know is, these people are giving us a loooaaad of cash to do this shit. We’re not a part of whatever the hell they are, we’re just professionals.”

“Professional what, exactly?”

It was the girl who spoke this time, “Oh, you know, professional…errand runners, I guess.”

“Like hitmen or something?”

“Mmph, nothing that morbid on our portfolio yet, but I mean, we just do illegal shit for companies and very rich people who can pay the right price.”

“So how’d you get involved with this?”

“Reddit.” They both answered in unison.

I was taken aback by their nonchalant nature to this conversation.

“You’ve been working for them all this time?”

“Yeah, they get us to do a bunch of seemingly harmless stuff. Interview people, courier people, that’s really it. Apart from that, we don’t know much else. That’s another thing about us, we don’t ask questions.”

“Huh. So where are you taking us now?”

“Same place they get us to take everyone else.”

“Big warehouse out of town, I’m guessing?”

The guy seemed to mock surprise, “Wow, Florence, we have a detective in the car!”

These people were Grade A sociopaths if I ever did see them. Dean scrunched his face up in disgust.

“You’re hurting innocent people!”

“Darling, we’re following orders. By the looks of it, so are you.”

That was a stab to the gut. She was right. We were no better than them. The rest of the drive was silent, until we reached our final destination.

“Off you go.”

As soon as we closed the doors, they sped off, down the dirt track we’d taken to get here. We stared at the typical, out-of-town abandoned warehouse looming over us. The police car was still parked out front.

“This is it. This is where we end it.”

I looked at Dean, and he looked back and nodded. We approached the warehouse door that was still ajar from where Greg had entered. Without missing a beat, we walked in, not knowing what to expect. The scene became familiar, and I glanced up to find the surveillance camera that we must’ve been looking through. It was too quiet.

“There,” Dean pointed, “that back room. C’mon.”

As we approached the door, it opened and the balaclava man presented himself with a low bow, inviting us in. We slowly walked into the room to find each of the four cops standing in the corners of the small room, their backs turned. Greg and Lauren stood, clutching each other in the middle of the room. The balaclava man produced a knife, and teased Lauren's jawline with it. She whimpered and pleaded, her husband's attempts at comfort worthless. He turned his head to us.

"You know what's been the most fun part of this whole...adventure?"

We said nothing.

"Getting away with it."

"Enough of this, who are you?"

He let out a guttural laugh and removed his mask.

"I...I don't believe it." whispered Greg. Lauren fell to the ground. Dean took a step back. Greg stumbled over his words, "I...saw you die, Norman."

"No dad, you watched someone else die. Just another poor soul, following orders like the rest of you idiots. Do you know how much it scares me? Being able to manipulate all these people, dad? You should know how that feels. You do it every day, after all. And mum, you're not much different. You think you're independent but I've seen the texts, the emails. You both make me sick. You all make me sick."

Norman's parents hung on their son's every word, each syllable seemed to hit them like a bullet. Lauren looked like she couldn't take much more. Greg was silent, statuesque. Why was nobody doing anything? There were literally four armed police officers in every corner of the room, standing with their backs turned. I had to say something.

"Hey! What are you all doing?! Fucking shoot him!"

"They won't listen to you, Cherie. They, just like everyone else in this room, are under my control."

"And what exactly is controlling them?"

"Money. What else fuels motivation more than paper?"

I was disgusted. This absolute psycho was toying with us from day one. And he had started with his own father.

"Norman," Greg spoke, "tell me who you killed in that video, son."

"Don't 'son' me! You're not talking your way out of this one!"

Nobody was acting, we all stood in stunned silence, listening to him talk.

"It doesn't matter who that kid was, he was nobody. The only purpose he served was mine. Now he's dead and no one will care. Can't you see the correlation here? Look at you all. Pathetic. Alone. Nothing going for you. You should be thanking me, I've given you purpose. And now we're all here."

"WHY?! Why the fuck are we all here?" Dean portrayed the resentment I felt.

"Well, now that you're here. I can get to that. Dean, you follow instructions blindly. Selling your soul on Instagram to desperately hit 1000 likes a post. Because that's all you have. That's all you live for, gets you through the day. And that promise of influencer status really got to you, didn't it? Thanks for leading me to Cherie, by the way."

"What?" I stared at Dean. His eyes twitched.

"Don't act so surprised," Norman turned to me, "he knows exactly what I'm talking about. Four weeks ago, when my people met him, they asked him a fairly mundane question. 'So Dean, answer honestly: name someone you see every day, that you wouldn't look at twice. Someone who doesn't make a difference in your life.' He perfectly described you, and it took about a day of investigating to find you, Cherie. The 'random girl who buys a coffee from my shop every now and then, basically insignificant.’”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This was fucked beyond words.

“Bust most of all, thank YOU, dad. You were the one that started this all. Telling me about this opportunity to join something cool. Cause at the end of the day, that’s your biggest fear, your only son, becoming a loser.”

Greg was crying alongside his wife at this point, “Norman, no. Norman, please!”

”It’s too late for that! SHUT UP!”

My thoughts of Dean calling me an insignificant girl, before he even knew me, that…triggered something. A kind of resentment for people that was always there, I guess, bubbling away deep inside. But that moment, the moment confirmed my deepest, darkest fear. That people I didn’t even know really did judge me, they really did.

“Norman honey,” Lauren’s voice was so broken, it barely broke through the air, “what about your friends? They’re all going to find out about this…”

“You just don’t get it, mum, do you? I could not care LESS about my ‘friends’. They’re not friends anymore. They’re all fucking drones. Sure, ‘come over Norman, let’s hang out Norman, it’s been ages’, only to come over and watch them bury their faces into their phones. OBSESSED with whatever is on that fucking screen! Barely saying a word to me. Yes, I really wanted to come around to watch you communicate with others!”

It started to make sense. The manipulation through mobiles, why he saw taking over the app as a good opportunity. I was twitching all over. Still, nobody moved.

“Phones. And money. People will do whatever they say. And since I do not wish to become one of you, I will simply  go above you. All of you.”

It was enough. A blatant psychopath stood in front of me. He’d killed at least one person, admitted it in front of 5 police officers, and they all stood, backs turned, because they were getting paid. Dean was the reason I was here, because I was ‘insignificant’. His parents could do nothing but tremble and shake at his every word. I felt angry at everyone in the room. I wanted them all to take action, to do something. Couldn’t they see what would happen if they just let this guy live?

“I know what you’re thinking, Cherie. Pathetic, isn’t it? All these people, not doing a thing. Weak. But you see, you, too, are simply standing on your two weak legs, nothing better to do. And that’s the way it’s always been, hasn’t it? Letting everyone trample over you, keeping inside your passive, little shell. You say it’s fine but things bother you,” he started walking towards me very slowly, taunting, “they always bother you. And then you go home, cry it off into your diary and simply get up hoping tomorrow will be different. Newsflash, Cherie, tomorrow? It never changes for people like you.”

People like me? He knew fucking nothing. It took me exactly 1.2 seconds to take my knife out of my jacket pocket and dig it deep into his throat. As his blood spurted onto my face, I watched his smirk transform into a reddened smile.

It took me exactly 30 seconds to kill everyone in that room. Once Norman fell to the floor and started convulsing, I interrupted Dean’s “What the-“ with a brutal slash to the throat. I then stabbed him twice for good measure. 15 seconds, I moved on to Norman’s shocked parents. First Lauren, she had nothing left in her. At this point, neither did Greg. They both went down without a fight. 24 seconds and I took Greg’s gun from his holster, cocked it and 4 bangs later, those cops made the first motion they’d made since I walked into that room. Straight to the ground. I had never held a gun in my life.

I barely heard the sounds of the struggle, my mouth and brain screamed the whole time in unison.

I stood there, breathing heavily, staring around the room, which I had painted red. The way all of those years of built up emotion came out…there was only one word for it. Orgasm. The blissful release of all pain, all happiness, sadness, anger, hatred, love…and the calm that followed. I was at peace. And for the first time since I became caught up in this mess, possibly the first time in years, I felt true liberation. I stayed in that warehouse overnight, lying among the bodies. Not a single thought of regret or guilt swallowed me. Just calm, clarity, everything was okay.

I went home the next day. Norman’s car was parked around the back. It didn’t take long to locate his keys. Even if I ended up getting caught and sent to prison for my crimes, I didn’t mind. I found something I didn’t know I was searching for. I found what everyone secretly searches for. My purpose.

I got home and enjoyed a cold shower, followed by the deepest sleep I had ever experienced. It was over. I was free. I was unsure where I would go from here, I didn’t feel a need for anything more. I simply existed contentedly now, knowing I had full control over my life. I opened my emails with full intention to resign from my job, checking my new messages – just a bank statement and junk mail.

I opened up the statement. What I saw made me frown. Immediately, I felt those human emotions of dread and suspicion crash into me once again. The final deposit into my account was made last night at exactly midnight.

$1,000 from an unknown account.

I wasn’t in control after all.

[iameveryonesmom]

What Is Hemp

New Post has been published on http://mo420.ca/what-is-hemp/

What Is Hemp

What Is Hemp

Suzette here, most 420 peeps know me from mo420.ca , but something that very few people know about me is that I suffer from a neuropathic, chronic pain condition know as Trigeminal Neuralgia, or TN. The Trigeminal nerve is a nerve located within the brain. It’s primarily responsible for transmitting sensation from the brain to the face. TN is a type of neuropathic pain. A type of pain that can occur when nerves are damaged or injured. In the medical field, Trigeminal Neuralgia is considered to be one of the worst pains known to mankind, sending excruciating pain throughout the face, head, and jaw. The pain of TN is comparable to severe burns, childbirth, and even the bite of a bullet ant. (crying) – Don’t, don’t, I’m okay. – At one point, TN was nicknamed the suicide disease because people who suffer from this would take their own lives because of the severity of the pain. Because of the pain, I’ve had multiple surgeries to try and fix it, along with expensive medications, therapies, treatments, injections, acupunctures. I just had Botox injected all across my forehead, into my scalp and jawline to try and help with the pain. You can kind of see the bruising. I mean that costs $1,200 just to get this area done. You name it, I have tried it. Well, I have tried almost everything. (upbeat music) Recently, I’ve heard news stories and read articles about marijuana helping chronic pain. I am at a point in my pain and in my life where I can’t take it anywhere and I’m willing to try anything. I don’t smoke weed. Anymore. Something you should know about me, I smoked weed back in high school and then once I got older, I kind of started having really adverse reactions to it, and just quit. Though I may not be a smoker anymore, I know that there’s hundreds of strains of cannabis, so I needed to know exactly what I was looking for. So I decided to a really smart place at UCLA and talk to a really fancy doctor about it. – There’s pretty strong evidence that whole leaf marijuana, or extracts of it, can be helpful for nerve pain. Chronic pain, but specifically nerve pain. Is the strongest evidence. – Wait a minute there, doc. Just how far back does this evidence go? There are records from 2900 BCE of Chinese Emperor Fu Hsi stating marijuana possesses yin and yang. Around 1000 BCE in Ancient India, cannabis was combined with milk to drink as an anesthetic. The Ancient Greek doctor Galen would use cannabis to treat flatulence and pain. The Mexican Revolution of 1910 brought many Mexican immigrants to the US who introduced Americans to the recreational use of weed. The Great Depression increased racial tension which caused the public demand for government to crack down on marijuana use. Marijuana was then associated with lower class communities. So basically for forever, marijuana use wasn’t seen negatively until an influx of immigrants and racial tension caused it to be criminalized, causing it to lose its historical association with medicine. But, back to Dr. Strouse telling me something that blew my mind. – It’s not at all clear that THC alone has much pain-relieving affect. – Oh. Gonna be on the hunt, not for weed, but something called CBD oil, which is actually THC free. What is the difference between CBD and THC? – The psychoactive part of marijuana, the part that gets you high, is THC. – Right. – CBD does not tend to make people feel high or intoxicated, that there’s a balance there that a roughly one to one mix sort of makes it easier for people to get a pain relief without that highness that at least some people experience as unpleasant. – What? Why don’t these teach us this kind of shit in high school? That there’s a weed out there that I can smoke and not get high. Today I’m gonna go try and get my weed card. I’m actually walking to a place that’s on the corner of my street, because in Los Angeles, these places are everywhere. So you can’t just go to your regular doctor to get a marijuana card, you have to go to a doctor that specializes in medical marijuana evaluations. So, got the paper, and the card. It took what, how long? – [Man] Like five seconds. – Like five seconds. So literally I sat in a room and a nurse brought in a computer screen and a guy on the other side was on Skype and I told him what was wrong with me and he said, “Great, I’m gonna give you a recommendation.” It was very sketchy but super easy. So I had my card and now I knew what I was kind of looking for, so now I just needed to go to a dispensary. Dispensaries just like a store for weed. – My name is Allen, we’re at WHTC in Studio City. You know, we’re not doctors, so, we really work with the patients to see what’s bothering them, what their ailments are, and how we could help them. – So I notice you’re using the word “patients.” – Yes. – [Kelsey] Explain what that means. – A lot of people say customers, it’s that, no, we’re a medical marijuana dispensary. Everyone here is a patient. They went to a doctor, they have a– – Medical marijuana card, I just got one. – Medical marijuana card, which is actually their prescription or their doctor’s recommendation, saying that they can come in here and that they have an ailment that requires medical marijuana. We see a wide variety of patients, dealing with all sorts of ailments. Anywhere from Crohn’s, diabetes, neuropathy, fibromyalgia, and chemo and cancer patients, absolutely. – Right. And people know about cancer. A lot people don’t know about, like, the anxiety that it can with, or depression, or other “invisible illnesses.” – CBD’s very helpful because it’s an anti-inflammatory, anti-anxiety, anti-arthritis. – So, what is the most popular medicine you sell here? – Between flowers, edibles, and concentrates– – Wait, flowers? – Flowers, as in medical marijuana. – [Kelsey] Okay, I was like, “What?” – So yeah, we refer to that as flower, then you have concentrate, which is also know an oil. Then we have topicals and tinctures and edibles, so there’s top sellers within every market. There’s just a wide variety. – Now it’s time to get to schmokin’. I just left the dispensary and I’m actually feeling like, insanely optimistic. I’m in the parking lot at work, and I’m gonna just try one of these things now ’cause I can’t wait to get home, so. I’m going to use this stick. – Another popular method, especially for neuropathy, is topicals. – [Kelsey] Lotion. – [Allen] Lotion, exactly. – Oh. Oh wow, that’s very nice. Ah, god, that feels so good. It definitely smells like kind of, Icy Hot. It has this weird cooling. So it’s been about two hours since I used the roll on stick. My muscles feel so relaxed. I still have a lot of the tightness where the nerve damage is. As far as the muscles in my actual jaws and temple, oh my god, it’s like no amount of physical therapy has given me relief for this long. – When people hear CBD, they don’t know what CBD looks like, but if you’re looking at it from a raw form. This would be our Mai Tai Cookies, and this has actually won first place at the High Time Cannabis Cup for best CBD flower. – I was also really nervous to try the flower. It tastes like pot. Because it reminded me of what I smoked in high school to get really high. When I used to smoke weed, I just knew about two kinds: mids and dro. How much should I smoke? This is weird. I don’t know, I don’t trust this. Jesus fuck. Okay, so, I’ll let that settle in. But I was nervous for nothing. It turns out it was really great, and the thing I loved most about the flowers was that it helped me the most out of all the methods with my headaches so, anyone who suffers from chronic migraines, I would highly recommend this product. We see those things on Facebook, those videos where someone’s having some sort of seizure or convulsion and they’re given some weed, whether through a pen or a dose, and then five minutes later, they’re totally normal. If we have proof like that, why is the research still so, I don’t know, underfunded, or shunned upon? – I’m gonna sound like a nerdy doctor and try to answer this question. – Please do, that’s why we’re here. – I apologize. But, you know, I’ve seen some of those amazing video footage, for example, the kids with these horrible epilepsy problems who go to Colorado, who get Charlotte’s Web. – Right, we’ve all heard it. – That looks very compelling, and I think the fact that it’s so compelling and there’s so many really moving testimonials by parents is why there are now clinical trials being done with CBD by major university medical center neurology, epilepsy specialists. – So we’re moving in the right direction? – [Dr. Strouse] We are, we are. – Okay, so it’s 6:30 on a Friday night, and while everyone else is going out and doing shit, I can barely function as a human. The only thing that I can equate it to is like red hot fire ants just biting your face and no matter what you do, you can’t stop it. So, I’m going to try Black Medicated Rub. One CBD to THC, it doesn’t really say how much to take, so I just took that. Oh my god, it smells so good. Let this settle in. It kind of looks like I just have a really poppin’ gloss on. – It’s a process. Start very small the first night, see how that affected you. Take note. Moving forward, you adjust. – So it’s been about 30 minutes and I don’t feel anything, so we’re gonna take it up a notch. Gonna use this pen. What do you find to be the most popular? – The vape cartridge, which is really quick. This is like almost instant relief. You vape it, and within a minute, you’re probably gonna feel the effects. – Delicious. Yo, I still cannot get over the fact that I am a vape bro. It’s also considered to be one of the healthiest ways to ingest cannabis, ’cause you’re not smoking any chemicals or papers. It was fast, it was easy, it was by far the most convenient way to ingest the cannabis, but its effects didn’t last very long. So if you’re gonna try this method, I would suggest bringing it with you wherever you go, or getting a higher concentrate in the pen. I’d read online that people had a lot of success with tinctures, so I bought a variety of kinds with various amounts of CBD and THC. Was pricey at $60, but hey, willing to try anything. They were the most expensive method that I tried, and none of them really worked for me. I don’t feel shit. About halfway through, I think after repeatedly failing with the tinctures, I really started to get depressed. (slow music) I just got done with one of my doctor’s appointments. The appointment is $195 for a 20 minute appoinemtnt for someone to tell you it’s trial and error and shit may or may not work. These specialist kinds of doctors aren’t covered by insurance and they have to get paid because the work that they’re doing is so underfunded. Of course they have to charge a bunch ’cause all of this shit is so experimental. The idea that medical marijuana is something that you can keep in your home, it’s at my disposal whenever I want it, I can take it whenever I want it. That would be like a fucking miracle, ’cause I am so sick of these fucking doctor’s appointments. But then I think medical marijuana maybe that is the best option to even try first. I don’t know, it’s starting to really fuckin’ fuck with me. Is the legalization of marijuana kind of undermining the use of it as medicine, too? Like, are people afraid that if medical marijuana becomes kind of the norm, will people stop going to see doctors, will people stop writing prescriptions, will the pharmaceutical world collapse? Is that a concern? – Though yes, my hunches may be there are people concerned about that, at another level people, many people are worried about how responsible is big marijuana gonna be, right? Big marijuana, like big tobacco, which until whatever year it was, 1982, was telling us that cigarettes didn’t cause lung cancer. So it’s a huge business opportunity here and they’re going for it and so, in whose interest will that business development be? Marijuana’s still illegal according to the Controlled Substances Act of the federal government. But not in CANADA!!! HAAAA..It’s simply to work with the organizations that the federal government sustains, is really complicated and bureaucratic and that’s one of the reasons why there’s so much anger. – Right, around it. – Around it. – ‘Cause then it becomes like a government thing. We’re letting the government control whether or not people can get better. While there is research being done, the US is so far behind compared to other countries. There are still so many states where this is illegal, and there is a stigma of that hippy stoner, vibe attached to this medicine. I could not imagine living in a state where I needed this to function and then potentially having to go to a job where they drug test and not being able to take my medicine. I want people to watch this video and rethink their relationship and their opinions on marijuana. To cheer myself up, I decided to take an edible which I have heard so many horror stories where people have eaten it, don’t feel anything, they eat more, and then like two hours later, they’re melting into the wall. So I made my roommate try it with me, and guys, this was the one time that I got super high. And we also made some brownies and just laughed and I got nothing done, I couldn’t even blog about it. I just realized that that method is not practical for my lifestyle. Last minute I decided to add one more thing to the test. This was a medication that I had talked to Dr. Strouse about, it’s called Charlotte’s Web. So they can actually sell it to any state in America because it’s considered hemp, and not cannabis. This one I’m really excited to try because this is the kind of strain that we see in those Facebook videos. They recommend that you use this and kind of integrate it into part of your diet so they’re saying it might not work the first time, maybe it does for some people, but it’s something that you should do daily. Mmm, it tastes like mint chocolate chip. Charlotte’s Web. Oh my god, Charlotte’s Web. I promise, despite the look of my hair, I’m doing much better today. I actually slept, like, some of the best sleep I’ve slept in a long time, which, to have a pain free sleep night is pretty rare. So I’m gonna start using this a lot more. It took a couple days of tinkering with the amounts to figure out what was most effective, but I highly recommend any chronic pain patients to try this first. Even though it’s $150 a bottle, which lasted me about a month, it was worth every penny. When I started this journey, I think the thing I was most afraid of was, would ingesting the cannabis affect my energy or my ability to function or my personality? When in reality, I was able to sleep better, and my headaches were less frequent, which gave me more energy. I just so badly want others to be able to have the chance to experience what I did. What’s it gonna take for that to happen? Is it like a big company backing medicinal marijuana? What is it gonna take? Is it money? Is it more signatures? I don’t know, what? – Well I think for us to do, for example, this kind of research in the VA, a federal entity, would probably require a repeal of the Federal Controlled Substances Act. – If you get anything from this video, know that it’s, chronic pain sufferers don’t just want your sympathy. They want your support and your action. I put some links below to organizations that are working all across the country to reform medical marijuana laws as well as some resources for chronic pain sufferers. I want to give a huge shout out and thanks to WHTC, UCLA, and the Facial Pain Research Foundation. And if you’re a sufferer, I just wanna say, don’t give up. Keep trying different methods. Talk to your doctor, make them listen to your concerns. Tell them about cannabis, talk to them about cannabis. I am happy to have found an alternative to prescription pills or opiates because a lot of times that’s the first option chronic pain sufferers are given. And for people like me, whose condition doesn’t even react to opiates, this has been an incredibly life changing experience. I’ve been so happy to be educated about this and learn more about how my body reacts to medical marijuana so that I’m not so nervous or afraid of it anymore. I’m gonna keep using the CBD roll-on stick and I use the Charlotte’s Web everyday, but I’m not gonna stop trying things. This is definitely not the solution. It’s not over. And just seeing the widespread acceptance of this plant as medicine, makes me feel incredibly excited and optimistic about chronic pain. For the first time ever.

Again, Bless and have a relaxing day !