#guys the show will never make a strong political statement about anything ever

[benicebefunny]

Oh, no, not fandom using the very real and ever-present threat of mass shootings in US schools to argue how Tedbecca can still win.

[kalims]

— MALLEUS DRACONIA | red

or, malleus forgets to tell you that his grandmother is coming (only remembering the day she does) and you immediately have an inner crisis.

wc. 792 words

note. hey guys, I guess thats it

"my grandmother—" he paused. "she is visiting today,"

you promptly choke on the tea like you would with one of lilia's homemade 'fruit shake' that he'd mistaken salt for sugar, and apparently added eggs for more flavor. midst your heaping coughing session—with familiar care malleus' face scrunches up in concern. he places a hand over your spine, like it's honestly gonna relieve the sting in your throat.

as patient as ever he waits calmly till you've finished losing your voice. "are you all right, beastie?" he asks.

beastie. you didn't know exactly when he'd started calling you that. you supposed it had already happened before you fully realized it on your own. strangely enough it oddly feels more affectionate compared to his old 'child of man' though you do admit it was better with 'my'.

well the old one did hold some sentimental value. you never did let go of his tsunotaro nickname, no matter how much sebek yelled, and bemoaned over.

malleus didn't mind. he liked it as well.

your face shifts into a deadpan, rubbing your poor throat. at the very least he could have told you that after you'd finished gulping down that damned water! "given how I almost died—no." you answer curtly, voice wavering several times. to be met with a confused stare.

"but you are alive and well," he expresses the obvious. politely leaving his arms hanging by his sides uselessly. as much as he'd like to keep his hands on you he supposes he'd be stepping over boundaries and possibly making you uncomfortable. and malleus would hate it if it turned out like that.

"oh malleus, dear. you don't get it,"

the new endearment term causes warmth to bloom in his chest, his lips twitch to a small smile and he fights the urge to just cradle you in the palm of his hand—cherish you, and hide you away from everyone else.

because malleus believes no one would love you like he ever does.

"what do you mean? get what?"

"nothing,"

"how would I get nothing? It must be something,"

if you did answer his statement you know it would just keep going, into malleus not understanding once again. but you suppose it's what makes him lovable, despite the contrast of what you are thinking (his large frame, and his refined features you could spend a decade staring at) he's like a child with an innocence that not a lot of people have.

he is very genuine.

you should stop thinking about it lest you fall deeper.

"nevermind that. your grandmother? hello?" you flail your arms around. hitting malleus once but he doesn't even flinch.

"hello. it seems like I forgot to tell you."

ignoring the greeting in the beginning that probably responded to your hello that wasn't even meant to be one. you huff. seriously? it seems my ass,, it would've been nice, great even! if he told you days prior to her arrival. and not like.. hours before she does.

never did you expect to be introduced to someone's family member. based off the countless books you stuck your nose in, in general it's very,,, intimate? to be fair it's a very big step and you can't say you're ready for it.

what if she doesn't like you? you're literally this,,, human that doesn't have any strong titles or anything. just plain, boring and ordinary. you're only granted the privilege to be this close with malleus since you're only really the first person to show him kindness besides the people that grew up with him.

if it were someone else, would they be standing in your position right now? would they be the one being introduced into a slimmer of his personal life?

so you've heard. she is a very popular person, strong but kind. rough around the edges but she was a leader that briar valley needed. sebek often boasted about her. definitely not in the same tone that he uses with malleus but respect from sebek might as well be winning 1st place in a competition with thousands of other participants.

you aren't even scraping the surface of how hard it is to get it.

probably sensing your inner turmoil, and seeing the troubled look on your face malleus subconsciously leans in. to provide comfort, to become a shoulder you'd lean in without the royalty-commoner thing separating you two.

the look in his eyes softens. "what's wrong?" he asks you sincerely.

yeah what is wrong? it's not like you're in any place to care about her opinion anyways.. not at all.. you think stubbornly, sweatdropping at the amount of thoughts screeching about first impressions.

if you meet her then at the very least—you don't want her to hate you. because hating you means relaying the flaws she saw to malleus, then swaying him that you weren't worth it, then next thing you know you lost him.

I am totally calm. you think, not hearing his words.

malleus opens his mouth. closing it, opening it then repeat for a goon ten seconds. it's rare to see him pondering about what to say.

"you look like a fish." you say.

he wonders how you could be so calm when you looked close to walking out a second ago.

"that's impossible." he responds.

then there's silence. just comfortable silence that two people whose relationship peaked to achieve it have.

"don't worry. whatever she thinks, I still—you still will be my child of man." my grandmother. she certainly would have something to say of you.

but she once said that love is unexpected. sometimes it happens the least you expect it, it's unforgettable and it conquers everything else. if your love is strong then nothing will break it. she had told him, and if it were really true. he's sure his love for you knows no bounds.

warmth presses itself to your heart, it travels up to your brain till it forces it to make you smile. "thanks."

you put up an awkward thumbs up. "you'd be my tsunotaro forever too."

he smiles.

for you forever doesn't exist, to him it does.

a selfish part of him just wants you to stay with him till destiny's time is up. and if you want he'll give it right to you. for now he won't make the decision that isn't his right to. your mortality is a problem but no matter how much he wants to get rid of him it's not his choice.

he hopes your love for him is as strong as the one he has for you. but then again, he doesn't believe that the love he has for you is stronger than anyone else.

yes. he has all the time in the world to love you

note. even for just a sec it was really nice to write this. gasp, is this a calling for me?

[dearweirdme]

Was sitting on a message I had typed up then I saw the other heterosexual JK warrior here sooooo... "Let's say Tae is not in the picture, what are the reasons that made you think JK could possibly be gay?"

This is a funny question to ask, because being gay only has one criteria: being attracted to someone of the same sex. That's it. So what they're asking is "Outside of his attraction to someone of the same sex, what makes you think he's gay?" Well…nothing outside of that would make him gay, would it. When people ask questions like this, it makes me think they want you to start listing stereotypes that he fits into. I see people say things like "He's the straightest person I've ever seen" and I think…where? That would require him to constantly be expressing attraction to the opposite sex, and he doesn't. At all. The only direct statement we've gotten from him recently regarding this, and I think it was a pretty bold one, is that he doesn't have a girlfriend and doesn't want one and then steered the conversation back to his work. Is it really that he has stereotypically "straight" characteristics? Have these people never seen a physically fit gay man? What does he do that they don't think a gay man would do? I'm genuinely curious because I don't get it. "jungkook literally took it upon himself to BE that fanfiction male macho tattooed pierced motorcycle rider heterosexual guy, so i doubt that most tkkrs/jkkrs ship him with vmin because "he's saur obviously queer!" And here we are. Exactly what I was talking about. 😂 Jungkook never took it on himself to BE anything but who he is. Has anon never seen a physically fit gay man? Has anon never seen a tattooed and pierced queer person? His tattoos and piercings are not a costume he's wearing to feed fantasies, it's what he genuinely wanted to do with his body and had been saying so since he was much younger and had people discouraging him from doing it. In a perfect demonstration of what I was saying earlier, they have listed these characteristics along with "heterosexual" like that all just fits together. Anon even uses the word "macho" which...doesn't fit Jungkook at all to me. It means appearing aggressively and "typically" masculine like being physically strong but not showing "weakness" like emotions...that ain't Jungkook. The one who cries the most easily of all of them? Jungkook is so soft, polite and kindhearted and has NEVER been the fanfiction tropes that y/ns want him to be. I'm a tattooed and pierced queer person myself. I'm also a Jungkook-biased Taekooker. Most of the Taekookers I've gotten close to (been here since 2016) are also queer. So I guess it really depends on who you're associating with. There's also a big difference between "shippers" and the kind of people who come to this blog. Shipping is wish-fulfillment. That's not why I'm a Taekooker. I didn't wish for something between them, I just saw it. Didn't even have to try. I had included in my original message a bit about the convo I've seen around Jungkook possibly being demi so it's interesting to see that popped up in other messages. It's possible he is, but I think what's more interesting about people seeing that and bringing it up now is that it goes against the narrative that he is blatantly and aggressively "straight". I agree with the anons, and you, that outside of what I see with Tae he doesn't really express attraction. Which is why I think the "straight" label comes from people stereotyping other things about him, with a little bit of wish-fulfillment. 😉

Hi anon!

This, very much all of this! I couldn’t have said it any better.

[atpaftmoom-bily]

Thoughts about Erik, why Wilhelm wasn't allowed to come out, and more.

Be warned, this is long, confusing, and I'm not even sure if I made any valid points. But I had thoughts on Young Royals, with no one to talk to, so here you go.

I've seen various different takes on Erik and what people thought his reaction would have been if Willie had come out to him, most of them being positive, and some as well saying how sad it was that Willie never got to come out to his brother. I have a different take, but bear with me it's gonna take a second to get there.

Something that I found interesting in the first place was that when August found out it was Simon and not a girl, he just seemed shocked, but not in a homophobic way that I had kind of been expecting.

Additionally, let's take a look at the comments on the video, I've split them up into three different groups. General comments (disbelief, surprise, pity, etc.), comments sexualizing them, and negative comments. (I've translated these as well as I could as they were not all captioned, but if I've made a mistake feel free to let me know!)

General Comments "OMG Have you seen this?? The Prince is gay!!!!" "Who's the other guy?" "I'm dead" "Finally some news to put Sweden on the map!" "Poor boys, I feel sorry for them" "So clumsy to get caught on film" "I know where he lives!" "I think the video is fake" "Love for the boys"

Sexualizing Comments "Royal porn" "Sexy" "Love" "Sexiest video ever"

Negative Comments "How will the monarchy survive this?" "The end of the royal family, time for Sweden to become a republic!" "Never been ashamed about being Swedish until now" "Class traitor! Your mother cries for your sins"

Now, there are quite a few things I want to point out about Sweden that I feel should be taken into account here. Of course, we don't know the exact dates that the show took place, but we do know it is modern-day, and though it is a work of fiction, I am going to assume that anything that is currently true in Sweden at the moment, give or take a few years, would also be true in the Young Royals universe.

The first point I would like to make is that Sweden is one of the most LGBT-friendly countries, even being named the most friendly country in 2019. Looking back in history, 1944 was when Sweden decriminalized sexual relationships between consenting adults of the same sex, though it was still thought to be an illness. However, in 1979 it was no longer considered an illness. Fun unrelated fact, but Sweden was the first country to legalize gender change in 1979. (If you'd like to read more on LGBT rights in Sweden here are some resources. One. Two.) If Sweden is that progressive and is that LGBT-friendly, then I wondered what the problem was with Willie coming out, so I dug some more.

I'm American, so my understanding of many parts of the world is unfortunately skewed or incomplete, but I'm working on changing that. However, because of this, one thing that surprised me in my research was that the monarchy in Sweden is more of a unifying symbol than anything else. They have no political affinity or formal powers, but rather "the King’s duties are mainly of a ceremonial and representative nature." Of course in the case of Young Royals, the Queen inherited the throne, and Wilhelm would after her.

Something else I found interesting about the monarchy in Sweden is that the current Queen, Queen Silvia, did not come from a line of nobility, so when Queen Silvia and King Carl Gustaf married in 1976, it was highly unusual. (See more on the Swedish monarchy here.)

There is one last thing I want to point out about the current King and Queen. "In summer 2000, King Carl XVI Gustaf and Queen Silvia of Sweden made history when they ate under the rainbow flag at Djurgårdsterrassen, a Stockholm restaurant owned by gay owner Arto Winter. At that time, the decision was seen as controversial, and played a valuable role in moving conversations forward – while making the royals’ position abundantly clear." (Source)

Now, of course, I understand the difference between a fictional work and real-life situations, but at least in my opinion, these same ideals should carry through to the show that we see. If the King and Queen in real life have been openly supportive of the LGBT community since at least 2000, then although specifics might not be the same, some of those ideals should carry through to Young Royals, so what is the problem, right?

I'm not trying to erase the reality of homophobia altogether, because of course, that exists. We even see in the show through comments that there are some people who are worried about the state of the monarchy, are disgusted, or downright still think that not being straight is a sin, but we also see other comments as well. If Wilhelm were to come out, what would happen? Would there be some backlash? 100%. Would there be people who would support him? Also 100%. Would it make his life harder? Probably, but would he be happier? In my opinion, yes, but I guess that's a question that Wilhelm would have to gauge on his own.

Now I want to look deeper at the conversation that Wille has with his mother, the Queen, in the car on the way home so he can give a statement to the media. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.

---

Wilhelm: Why can't I just have a relationship with him? And not say anything. Just live a normal life.

Queen: You're the crown prince. And that's a privilege, not a punishment.

Wilhelm: Yes, but I didn't ask for this!

Queen: Well, nobody has ever, ever asked for this! You are the only one who can take over the throne after Erik. Don't you understand that? You are so young. When you're young, love feels like the most important thing in the whole world. When I was your age, I too had an unfortunate romance. That was before I met your father. What I mean is, is it worth it? If you feel that the attention you've been getting so far is unacceptable, it's nothing compared to what you will endure for the rest of your life. We have a chance to cover this up, I urge you to take that chance. You may not get another."

---

Something I find interesting is how much Willie just wants to live a normal life, which I get. He is under so much pressure, from being a role model, his brother's death that he hasn't even had time to process, preparing to be king someday, and (kind of) being outed to the entire world, but at least his school. It's enough to make anyone want to live normally. I think the biggest thing we have to think about here is the Queen's question as well. Is it worth it? She is right of course, the attention he will get will always be there, but I do think that Willie would be able to find a way to be happy along with being King. It shouldn't have to be a case of either-or, and ultimately I don't think it is.

Now I'm going to move back to Erik, and really, this ties everything back to the start where I mentioned I had a different take on Erik's reaction to Willie being not straight. I think that Erik already knew. It would make sense for a variety of reasons. In the show, it is obvious that the two of them have a good relationship. We also hear Erik tell Willie, "you can trust him, he's like a brother," in episode one when speaking about August, showing that trust is something strong between them as brothers. I'm not exactly sure how old Wilhelm is meant to be in the show, but I estimate somewhere around sixteen. I would like to assume that sometime before attending Hillerska, he may have had a crush or felt some attraction to a guy. We also can see from their phone call in episode three, that they're not afraid to joke around with each other about such things, meaning that Erik would most likely be the first person that Willie would go to about such things.

Another thing that makes me believe Erik already knew has to do with people assuming that Simon is the first guy that Willie has liked. Now, I know things are not the same for everyone, but if we consider what happens when the video is posted, and Willie had to deny it is him, we can conclude that being anything other than straight in their family is not okay, simply because they are royals, and the media attention will be too much. Imagine you've known your whole life, you can't be something, the first instance you encounter that, you're probably not going to give in right away. I'm talking at least some minor internalized homophobia here or something.

So put that into the context of Simon and Willie's first kiss in episode two. Simon kisses Willie twice before Willie says "Well, I'm not... I'm not... Stop! Wait, wait, wait!" and immediately pulls Simon back towards him. Let's reflect back to episode one where Willie says "I’m not… I’m not allowed to speak about political issues." I'm not allowed. Of course, there are TONS of restrictions on what he can and can not do, kissing guys, probably being one of them. But if he was going to say I'm not gay or I'm not like that, why would he instantly pull him back in, contrasting what he was just going to say. In episode three, Willie does say, "I'm not like that," which makes sense. He's had time to think and isn't in the heat of the moment. What other explanation can he give? Sure, he could say he's not allowed to be like that but saying that would admit that he is. It's a circle, a very messy circle, but it is a... loop.

Going back to what I'm supposed to be talking about here, Erik. This isn't Willie's first rodeo, but Erik was there for the first. One last thing I want to talk about is the phone call that Erik and Willie have in episode three. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.

---

Erik: You've met someone.

Wilhelm: I, uh... Yes, okay, but I... I don't think we're a couple or anything. I don't know what it is but can we just...

Erik: I get it. I get it. You don't have to tell me any... I don't wanna hear any details. Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions and-

Wilhelm: They don't care about me. 'Cause you're the Crown Prince that they have opinions.

Erik: I don't get it. Why are you sitting in your room sulking when you have a crush to hang out with?

---

Firstly, Erik refers to Willie's crush as completely gender-neutral. "You've met someone" could very easily be "you've met a girl". The same goes for "you have a crush to hang out with". Very well could have been "you have a girl to hang out with". Sure, it could be completely coincidental, but we live in such a heteronormative society that it would just make sense for Erik to use female-gendered words. Unless, of course, he knew.

Secondly, "Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions". This sounds very much to me like, enjoy your time while you can be yourself without backlash because soon you won't have that privacy. While I feel that, yes, the same may happen with anyone Willie was to date, him having a same-sex partner multiplies that, by a lot.

In conclusion, Erik knew Willie was not straight, Willie should come out, but when he is ready, and August is a really deep character that people don't give enough credit to. Gosh, I hope I covered everything, I probably forgot so much, but it's fine. Please let me know your thoughts if you've made it this far into the post.

One last thing. I hope you'll notice how in this post, I never referred specifically to Wilhelm's sexuality, and I did that for a reason. I often see gay used to label him, and though I am unsure if that's being used as an umbrella term or specifically as in he only likes men, I think it's really important to realize that they're specifically making him unlabeled. In this youtube video Edvin Ryding, the actor who plays Wilhelm, says "What we're trying to do... We're not labeling Wilhelm's sexuality. I think that's good because it's like, it portrays that it's okay that way too. You don't have to. You shouldn't have to come out. It should be allowed to be a bit fluid, a bit out there." I just think that it is important as it's another type of representation that is not seen often.

[jishyucks]

The L Word ‣ hjs

‣ genre: angst with a fluffy ending, arranged marriage, sort of modern royalty (rich kid!au), female reader

‣ wc: 2.1k

‣ summary: “Tell me, Han. Has she ever explicitly told you that she loved you?”; in which Jisung's afraid that Y/N's going to leave him in rising of rumors but learns he shouldn't judge a situation from the words of others

‣ warnings?: The Hwang 'sibs' are mean in this (just a bit), lowkey rushed, jisung runs off because of overthinking

Looking at the ballroom’s appearance, Jisung feels as though he shouldn’t even be there in the first place. Like some puzzle piece placed in the wrong box. The people attending the party lived lavish lifestyles, knowing the difference between the different forks placed at the tables. Etiquette was more important to them than the basics a middle-class person would even care about.

Though Jisung had good ideas of such subjects, it wasn't forced onto him like those around him. The only reason why he was able to attend the party was because of a marriage arrangement your father and his father had made as some kind of sick ‘contract’ regarding business. Though he wasn’t complaining, feelings for you developed through the years of knowing you since childhood, he couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about a handful of things.

For one, you guys were engaged through the arrangement. It’s been three years since the announcement, and even if Jisung believed you were fine with it, even if you ensured to Jisung that you were happy with the engagement, intrusive thoughts started keeping him up at night.

He knew you. You hated speaking out your feelings, whether it led to consequences or not. What if you actually weren’t fine with it? What if you were somehow threatened by your father and the contract to actually speak out about the engagement? He didn’t want you to feel forced to marry him.

Then there was his family’s reputation. His family was deemed drastically poorer than yours by the other associated families and businesses. He was afraid of tainting your family’s reputation or seeming like one of those leeches found at the bottom of murky ponds. Though it was an arranged marriage, Jisung had genuine feelings for you. It was his father that was in it for the money and Jisung was nothing like his father.

“Hey, scrounger!” Jisung turned to find Hyunjin and his sister Yeji approaching him from the opposite corner of the room. They both were dressed in clothes that were probably a lot more expensive than his own, his clothes being hand-me-downs from his father.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Yeji smirked, “You don’t even have business here.” She shifted her weight from one leg to the other, eyeing down the boy.

Jisung didn’t cower under their gaze, instead of straightening his back, “I’m here because I was invited. My father was invited as well.” Don’t show fear, he told himself, That’s what they want.

“Ahh~,” Hyunjin chuckled, “Good way to disguise 'because of Y/N.' Tell me, Han. Has Y/N ever explicitly told you that she loved you?”

Yeji butted in, laughing, “I think love is too strong of a word… how ‘bout like? Has she ever told you that she liked you? Cause rumor has it she’s planning on breaking your engagement.”

Jisung gulped, “S-she has… and gossip is bullshit.” He lied. When the arrangement was created, there was some kind of unspoken assumption that you both liked each other. As a result of this, no confessions were made from you both. Sure it was stupid, but in Jisung’s eyes, actions spoke louder than words, and just by how he treated you and you treated him, you both cared very much for each other. Of course, other people never paid attention to actions and relied on direct statements.

“We don’t gossip, Han,” Hyunjin scoffs, “Who would pass up the opportunity to marry Bang Chan when he’s the son of the top businessman in all of Korea?”

“What do you mean?” Jisung’s heart skipped a beat, eyed widening slightly at the mention of Bang Chan’s name.

“His father apparently wanted to create a deal with her father that was a lot better than his deal with yours,” Hyunjin explained, “Isn’t your engagement part of that poorer deal?”

Jisung chose not to reply, biting his tongue. Instead, he shoots Hyunjin a narrowed glare, not up for defending himself or arguing. With the lack of response from their target, the siblings simply rolled their eyes and walked away, taking a seat at their designated table.

When the attention was diverted away from him, Jisung couldn’t help but let his shoulders fall. He feels his heart beating quicker than at rest, thoughts running through his mind like crazy. You wouldn’t leave him just like that right? You wouldn’t.

Then his mind wanders back to Hyunjin and Yeji’s question. Yes, he did think that actions were undoubtedly stronger than words, but now that a spotlight was shone on the hidden yet obvious fact that you both hadn’t said anything about each others’ feelings, he couldn’t help but believe that you could possibly be leaving him. But then again, he has never said anything to you and his feelings existed.

He felt the sudden urge to look for you, who had been busy accompanying your father with the guests. Maybe he will actually confess how he truly felt, just in case you were actually thinking about breaking the engagement. Maybe he could save it somehow, just in case your father was willing to make the deal with Mr. Bang.

Chewing the bottom of his lip, he scanned the room, looking for the lavender dress you were wearing. But with the clumps of people, his line of sight was constantly stopped abruptly.

“Excuse me,” he mumbled politely, making his way through the crowd, “Excuse me.” He ignored the looks some people gave him, still slithering his way between the socializing people. Though his hair was parted in a way that exposed part of his forehead, he felt the need to hide under his bangs, keeping his head low as he did.

The familiar sound of your father’s laugh drove Jisung to stop and look around his area. If he was close, you’d be close. Scanning his surroundings completely, he finally spots your father, with you standing close beside him. He feels a smile rise on his lips as he begins to make his way towards you both, heartbeat racing just as his thoughts were.

Opening his mouth to call out for you, he quickly stops himself when he realizes that you and your father were holding a conversation with Bang Chan and his own father. His feet abruptly stop, allowing him to overhear the exchange of banter.

“Well, it was a pleasure having this conversation with you,” Mr. Bang chuckled, “I will see you on Monday for the papers?” He held a hand out for a handshake, a smile filled with pride appearing on his lips.

Your father nodded, “Likewise. I’m looking forward to it.” He completes the handshake, which then queues for Chan to lean in for a hug.

Shit, Jisung gulps, feeling his heart drop to his stomach, What the hell just happened?

You take a step forward and hug Chan back for a brief second before pulling back, “I hope you enjoy the rest of your time here, Chan.”

Chan’s dimples appeared as he smiled genuinely, “Thank you, Y/N.��

Jisung was frozen on the spot, unsure whether or not he should say anything. The notes that he had mentally jotted down in his head were suddenly ripped into pieces and he was practically speechless.

Obliviously, you turn to follow your father, who was already ready to move on to another conversation. Mid-turn, the boy dressed in a striped, navy suit had caught your attention, giving him a double-take, “Oh! Jisung!” The corners of your mouth rise higher, eyes lighting up at the sight of the familiar boy. A wave of comfort washed over you. It was refreshing to see him after interacting with so many strangers and acquaintances.

When you go to approach him, Jisung panics and begins to back into the people behind him. It was then you noticed the look of distraught on his face, causing you to speed up. At this, he turns and runs, causing commotion around him as dodges those who got in his way.

“Jisung!” You called out, turning the heads of those people around you. The music had drowned your voice out from those further away from you, “Jisung!?” You begin making your way through the crowd of people, going as fast as you could in heels so that you wouldn’t lose Jisung. A million assumptions were running through your head, worry lining each and every one of them.

Swinging the door open, Jisung finds himself stumbling out into the empty corridor of the hotel. With the choice of left and right, Jisung stops and impulsively runs in one direction, not minding where he would end up if kept running.

So you were going to break the engagement… without warning? How were you going to break the news to him? How was he supposed to react once you told him about it all? Happy? Sad? Excited?

You finally reached the door of the ballroom, slipping out rather roughly into the corridor. Your head whips left and right, seeing Jisung’s trailing feet to the right of the hallway, turning the corner. You let out a heavy breath before kicking off your heels, booking it in that direction.

Your mind wanders to why Jisung was running. What did he hear? Was he okay? Could it be what other people were saying again? But Jisung was never usually one to let words get to him.

Jisung lets himself rest once he gets to a secluded room. Judging by its content, he realized that he managed to slip into the coatroom, but he didn’t care. He needed time alone to think. He just needed to process this entire situation.

“Jisung?” He hears you call out. Jisung sinks down at the corner of the room, resting his head against the wall. He stays quiet, resting his forehead against his knees.

The door to the coat room opens, revealing your disheveled figure, “Jisung…” You pause and try to catch your breath, “There… there you are.”

Jisung doesn’t lift his head, afraid that if he did face you, he would burst into tears. He could sense you approaching him, though, settling down beside him. He could feel your dress up against him. Soon he feels your hand take his, holding it tightly.

“What’s wrong?”

When Jisung doesn’t answer, you don’t say anything to push out an explanation. You let the question simmer, resting your head against his shoulder.

At this point, Jisung’s mind was projecting none of his thoughts but static. He didn’t know where to start and what to bring up. How was he supposed to confront you about the engagement?

“I’m happy for you two,” Jisung blurted out quietly, avoiding eye contact, “I really am.” Your ears perked up, confused at what Jisung was going on about.

“I think people will like you both together more than us,” Jisung continued, “Just know that I lo–“

You interrupt him, turning to completely face him, “Jisung, what are you talking about?” You turned your body towards him, completely facing the cowered boy. Though your body language was practically begging for eye contact, Jisung still avoided it, playing with his rings to keep him from losing control over his emotions.

Building up his confidence, Jisung let himself look at you before whispering, “Y/N?” He sniffled quietly.

“Yeah, Sung?”

Jisung gulped and asked, “Do you like me?”

You’re taken aback by the question, not expecting it out of all the questions Jisung could have asked. Is this why he was crying?

“Of course I do, Jisung, what makes you thin–“

“I mean genuinely like me. Do you have feelings for me?” Words were spewing out of his mouth before he could even process what he was saying. He could feel his emotions taking control of himself, which often is never a good thing.

“Jisung, I love you, okay? Why do you think otherwise?” The beat of your heart sped up with worry. Your eyebrows knitted together in concern as Jisung’s lips quivered slightly.

“The Hwang's told me you were planning on breaking our engagement because Bang Chan’s father offered a better deal than my father,” he explained quietly. He felt as though that if he spoke any louder, he would break out into tears, “I told them I didn’t believe them… t-then they asked me if you’ve ever told me if you did have feelings for me. I just didn’t know what to think when… when I saw your father accept Mr. Bang’s deal. I was afraid you were actually going to leave me.”

You gently slapped his shoulder in shock, “Han Jisung, are you serious?” Jisung responded wordlessly, though a puzzled look replaced his previous emotion.

“My father approached me beforehand about it. He wanted to break our engagement because of the deal, telling me that it was no longer necessary,” you say, “But I told him I wanted to marry you because I love you, Sung. And if he did threaten to forcibly break our engagement, I would’ve fought for us.”

Jisung wanted to laugh at himself at how much he had overreacted. Overthinking was a bitch and this situation was real-life proof, “Y/N?”

“Yeah, Sung?”

“I would fight for us too.”

[five-rivers]

Medium Despair

For @sapphireswimming

.

Danny woke up gasping for air and fighting against his sheets. By the time he’d recognized his surroundings, he’d already rolled off his bed. He dragged in ragged, shuddering breaths. He could breathe. He could breathe. He wasn’t suffocating. He wasn’t at school, in his locker or otherwise. He could move he could stand. He did stand, skin prickling with the memory of electricity.

“Sydney?” he called, softly. “Is that you?” He could see a glowing form in the corner behind his dresser, and with that dream there weren’t a whole lot of other people it could have been, but it was polite to ask. At least in Danny’s opinion.

The ghost slid out, slowly, flickering. “Sorry, Danny,” he said, and he really did sound remorseful.

Danny might believe it more if it wasn’t 2:20 in the morning on a school night, and this wasn’t the third time Sydney had done this. Still, Sydney was something like a friend.

“What is it, Sydney?” he asked. “Did something happen at the school?” Casper High was one of the most haunted buildings in Amity Park, which honestly didn’t make sense.

Danny had done his research. The school was old, sure, but Sydney was the only person who had ever actually died there. That didn’t stop the Lunch Lady, Technus, and a whole host of others from hanging around the place, although most of those others were pretty weak. Hardly strong enough to even interact with Danny or other ghosts.

Sydney shrugged.

“Then what’s wrong?”

Sydney looked down at the ground. The puddle of not-light he cast on the ground – visible only to only Danny and other ghosts – rippled and glimmered.

Danny frowned. “I have fun talking to you during the day, Syd, but I do have to sleep. I’m human, you know?”

“I know,” said Sydney.

“So why are you here?” asked Danny, briefly spreading his arms in exasperation and the dropping them to his sides again. He was still unsettled by the dream he’d just had.

Being close to ghosts while he was sleeping was just a recipe for nightmares. They weren’t always about their deaths, but more often than not…

Sydney’s death was a particularly unpleasant one. Danny did not expect to get back to sleep. Not tonight. Hence his annoyance.

“I need to…” started Sydney, before trailing off. “I need…”

“Sydney?”

“Warn you.”

“About what?”

“Not what they seem,” whispered the ghost. He looked away and phased out through the wall.

Danny’s frown deepened. Usually, Sydney was much clearer than that. Sometimes, talking to Sydney, Danny forgot he was talking to a ghost.

Danny sat down at the edge of the bed and tried to work a kink out of his neck. He caught himself scratching at his skin as if he wanted to pull it off a minute later.

It was always like this since the accident. Especially after he had a dying dream.

Forcibly, he stopped himself. His skin was fine. There was no electricity flickering under his skin. He was alive. He was safe. His body was his body. His body.

(He was not floating above it, light as air, staring at its waxy pallor, at the glassy, empty eyes.)

He was alive, alive, alive.

Awake.

Not dead.

Slowly, he laid back down on the bed. He was alive, awake. A medium, yes, associated with more ghosts than could possibly be healthy, either physically or mentally, yes, but alive. Definitely, clearly, alive.

He didn’t like it when ghosts woke him up. Especially when they came with ominous warnings about the future.

Maybe Sydney would let Danny track him down tomorrow, but Danny doubted it.

.

“Something’s off,” said Danny, staring up at the tall front of the school.

“Yeah,” agreed Sam, “it’s Spirit Week. When the teachers participate in medieval rituals to brainwash us into supporting the troglodytes that ‘represent’ our school in sports.”

“I was going to argue,” said Tucker, “but that is about what it’s for, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” said Danny, “I don’t think it’s that. Probably. Unless there’s a ghost that appreciate the pun?”

“You appreciate puns.”

“I’m not a ghost,” said Danny, frowning at Sam.

“That’s true.”

Danny sighed. “I just have a bad feeling about this. I know you can’t see like I can, but… be careful. If you do see anything weird, let me know.”

“Hey, Danny!”

“Oh, I changed my mind. Kill me now, I want to be a ghost.”

Jazz ran up and threw an arm around Danny’s shoulders. “You left so early!” she said. “Are you excited about Spirit Week, too?”

“No,” said Danny.

Jazz paused, looked at Danny more closely. “You look terrible,” she said. “Maybe you should talk to the counselor?”

“Pass,” said Danny.

“You know, you’ll have to talk to me in more than monosyllables at some point.”

“Do I?”

Danny rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, I’ve got to go to talk to Mr. Lancer about my speech! Have a great Spirit Week, guys!”

She ran off.

“I will never understand her,” declared Sam. “But I think she does have a point about the counselor. Maybe they’d be able to help with the nightmares? At least the non-ghost-caused ones.”

“All my nightmares are caused by ghosts.”

“Eh,” said Tucker, giving a half-shrug.

“Will it make you feel better if I agree to go?”

“Yes,” said both Sam and Tucker.

“Ugh. Fine,” said Danny.

.

Danny walked though the deserted hallway, pass in hand, study hall abandoned behind him as he looked for the counselor’s office. He’d never been there before, but it should be around here somewhere, right?

A cold hand settled on his shoulder.

“You must be Danny Fenton! Your sister told me all about you.”

Danny turned to look up at a tall woman. She was dressed a lot more flamboyantly than Danny would have expected.

“Yeah? That’s me. Who are you?”

“I’m Penelope Spectra. Your counselor! Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong with you?”

“Uh,” said Danny. There was something unpleasantly an unexpectedly pejorative and assumptive about that statement. Weren’t counselors supposed to tell you that there wasn’t anything wrong with you? That your feelings were valid.

He shrugged. He couldn’t put his feelings into words.

(Couldn’t open his mouth for fear of cold leaking out past his teeth, his soul exhaled with his breath.)

(Why did he feel this way?)

“Why don’t you step into my office?”

The room was… not what he expected.

“Sorry about the dust,” said Spectra. “I’m just moving in. They upgraded me.” She smiled, showing all her teeth. “So… like I said, your sister told me a lot about you, and I have a few things I’d like to try for your laz—Excuse me. Your difficulty with staying focused. It happens sometimes with traumatic brain injuries, that a promising young mind can be—Well. In any case. I am here to support you and find a way for you to succeed. What’s troubling you?”

Danny’s ginger perch on the dusty chair turned into a frustrated slump. “Nothing,” he said. He pushed himself back up. “I should go—”

“Oh, just humor me,” said Spectra. “There has to be some reason you came. Anxiety? Stress? Social pressures?”

Danny shook his head and stood up.

“Nightmares?”

He sat back down.

.

Danny leaned over the table to whisper to Tucker during English, when they were supposed to be reviewing vocabulary words.

“Have either of you seen the counselor before?” asked Danny, after what was easily the worst week of his life. He was starting to have suspicions, but…

“Yeah,” said Tucker. “When you were in the hospital. He was pretty cool.”

“He?” asked Danny. “He?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been seeing a ghost for the past week.”

“Ghost therapist? Well, if it’s working…”

“It isn’t. She’s from hell. I swear. A literal demon from hell.”

“Exorcism?”

“Exorcism.”

.

Jazz didn’t often come to school after hours, but she’d left several important things and she was the student body activity director, voted for and everything.

Important thing #1, her speech, which she had to practice.

Important thing #2, the—what was that?

Already spooked by the late-night atmosphere, she ducked into a doorway and peeked at the place she’d seen movement. There weren’t many classes held down that hallway, and she didn’t come down this way often, so maybe she was just—

No. That was her little brother and his friends conducting some kind of satanic ritual over a wastepaper basket.

Their parents were terrible influences. She was going to give them a stern talking to when—what what what what WHAT—

What had she just seen?

She looked back around the corner to see the… whatever it was dissolve in smoke and fire and shadows. Then Danny and his friends started cleaning up as if this was a perfectly normal Thursday night.

Jazz… Jazz was going to process this. Later.

She turned around and walked straight back out to her car. There was, after all, nothing that important.

.

“So,” said Danny, leaning towards Sam on the bleachers as he watched his sister give her speech. “Looks like we saved Spirit Week.”

“Never say that to me again,” said Sam.

“But we did. Look at all this spirit-filled people.”

“You were literally the only victim.”

“But Sam~”

“It does seem less grim, though, doesn’t it?” asked Tucker, contemplatively. “You are no longer the goth bird of happiness.”

“Maybe a bit,” allowed Sam. “I think that’s just because everyone’s glad this week is over, though. No offense, Danny.”

“None taken. I’m glad it’s over, too.”

[reinerispretty]

rotations. (zuko x f!reader) pt24

GOOD EVENING GUYS GALS AND NONBINARY PALS!!!!! i hope u are having a good day. :) 

pt1

pt23

pt25

(Y/N) stormed down through the palace, her dress billowing behind her as she walked. The stone cold look on her face alerted the servants that she was on a war path and it was best to leave her alone. Whatever the Fire Lord had gotten himself into, he surely deserved it. 

It was relatively early in the morning when (Y/N) opened her bedroom door to find Ursa holding a sleepy Kiyi in her arms. The previous Fire Queen gave her a stressed smile. “Noren and I wanted to go out into town today. Do you think you could watch her?” (Y/N) nodded quickly. 

“Of course! Today’s my day off.” She bent down so she was eye level with the little girl. “Do you want to have fun with me today, Kiyi?” The little girl sheepishly turned into her mother’s neck. 

“She’ll warm up to you,” Ursa promised, before handing her daughter to (Y/N). “Thank you so much, (Y/N).” She smiled. 

“Anything for you.” Kiyi squirmed in her arms as Ursa walked away, obviously very uncomfortable with being left alone with her. (Y/N) set her on the ground and took her hand. 

“Would you like to go see the turtle ducks?” Kiyi looked up at her and nodded eagerly. They walked to the pond and one of the servants gave them grapes to feed to the animals. She and Kiyi took turns throwing their grapes in. The little girl gave a small giggle every time a turtle duck ate her grape. 

“What would you like to do next?” (Y/N) asked once they had finished feeding the turtle ducks. Kiyi put a tiny finger on her chin and looked up at the sky as she thought. 

“Dolls!” She exclaimed. (Y/N) picked her back up and they walked into the palace and to Kiyi’s room. Zuko had ensured that his little sister would be absolutely comfortable while she stayed in the palace, so he had her pick all of the toys she liked from in town and brought them back into her room. She was incredibly spoiled, but she was so sweet that she deserved it. 

(Y/N) sat on the floor with Kiyi and played dolls with her. She couldn’t remember playing with dolls in her own childhood. She had received them as gifts, but her mother would put them in a case, claiming that they were too pretty to be played with. Azula had been her only other friend beside Zuko, and neither were very interested in playing with dolls. 

“There you are,” Zuko said as he poked his head into the room. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” 

“Zuzu!” Kiyi cheered, standing up and running over to her brother. She hugged his legs. 

“Kiyi!” Zuko cheered back, picking her up and taking her into his arms. (Y/N) smiled at the sight. “What have you and (Y/N) been up to?” 

“Dolls!” She turned herself to point at the toys. 

“And we fed the turtle ducks,” (Y/N) stood to join the two. “And now it’s time for a nap, I think!” 

“No!” Kiyi groaned, flopping over in Zuko’s arms. He started tickling her, causing her to erupt into giggles. He tossed her into (Y/N’s) arms, who tossed her gently into bed. 

“I’ll read you a story and then you gotta go to sleep, okay?” Kiyi gave a small sigh and nodded. Zuko leaned down and gave her a kiss on her forehead. 

“We’ll have extra fruit tarts for dessert if you take your nap,” He whispered. The smile on her face was wide and bright and it absolutely melted (Y/N’s) heart. “I’ll see you later,” Zuko said to (Y/N) before leaving the room. She knelt by Kiyi’s bed and began reading her the story about the first firebenders. 

As Kiyi fell asleep, a servant knocked at the door. (Y/N) got up quickly and rushed outside so that Kiyi wouldn’t wake up. She smiled pleasantly at the servant. “Can I help you?” 

“This came for you today,” The woman said as she handed her a scroll. (Y/N) gave her an approving nod to dismiss her. 

As she read, she clenched the paper in her hands. Ren had written her a goodbye letter that stated that Zuko had banished him and his father from the Fire Nation. “I think I made him jealous,” Ren wrote, “Because I was taking your time away from him.” (Y/N) tried her best to hold in the hot, angry tears that formed as she read his letter. 

(Y/N) missed Katara a lot. Throughout their adventures together, Katara had become her best friend and the person she told absolutely everything to. Every hope, every dream, everything she ever felt seemed to flow out of her mouth and straight to Katara. Their relationship wasn’t one-sided either. (Y/N) was the first person from the Fire Nation that Katara had ever liked. She showed her that not everyone should be held accountable for the decisions of their nation. The two girls grew up in completely different lives, but their bond was strong. She hadn’t seen Katara in a few months, which was the longest span of time they had gone without seeing each other. Today, (Y/N) felt that she really needed Katara, or else she might kill Zuko. 

She crumpled the note in her hands and threw it down the hall. Katara would tell her to get both sides of the story before making any rash decisions. But Katara, unfortunately, wasn’t there. 

(Y/N) stormed down through the palace, her dress billowing behind her as she walked. The stone cold look on her face alerted the servants that she was on a war path and it was best to leave her alone. Whatever the Fire Lord had gotten himself into, he surely deserved it. 

As she walked up to the doors of the throne room, the guards stationed out front held a hand up to stop her. “You must request an audience before speaking with the Fire Lord,” one guard said. (Y/N) squinted her eyes up at the guard. She hated using her position as leverage against people, but she had no choice at the moment. 

“I’m (Y/N), Fire Lord Zuko’s most trusted advisor. I need to speak to him immediately.” 

“But--” The other guard said. (Y/N) whirled to face him. 

“What do you think the Fire Lord would say if he knew you delayed me?” The guards looked at each other before parting to let her through the doors.

Zuko sat on his throne, drinking a steaming cup of tea. He smiled when he say her. 

“Oh, hi.” (Y/N) stared at Zuko, crossing her arms over her chest and glowering up at him. 

“Do you have anything you want to tell me?” She demanded. Zuko opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted him. “You had no right to banish Ren and his father the way you did. And for what reason? Were you upset that I was paying more attention to him than I was to you?” 

“That’s not it.” 

“Why, Zuko? Why throw him out? What did he do to you?” 

“He didn’t do anything to me--” 

“Then tell me why you banished him!” She shouted. She could feel the fire building inside of her. Her body was itching to release it. She couldn’t understand why Zuko would do this to her. She had seen him be jealous before, but she never thought he would be capable of hurting her like this. 

“Because he was using you!” Zuko yelled. The flames at his side soared to the ceiling. Their force blew a blast of hot air into (Y/N’s) face. “He was planning to gain your trust so that he could use you to get to me.” 

She shook her head furiously. “You’re lying. He wouldn’t do that.” Zuko stood and walked down the steps to get closer to her.

“He was doing it! The whole reason he even befriended you in the first place was so that you could help sway my decisions in their favor.” His statement felt like a stab in the heart to (Y/N). She didn’t want to believe him. She didn’t want to believe that the person she had opened up to so easily was just using her the entire time. 

Her eyes welled with tears. “You’re wrong!” 

“Fine! Believe the Earth Kingdom boy over me, see if I care. You can join him if you’d like.” Zuko turned around to walk back to his throne, but stopped as soon as he heard her sobs. When he looked back at her, her face was buried in her hands. She tried her hardest to suppress her cries, but it was no use. (Y/N) knew Zuko was telling the truth. She knew Zuko like she knew herself. He had never lied to her before and would have no reason to start now. But his honesty hurt. (Y/N) had told Ren things that she had only ever told those closest to her. To think that he was only using her to further his own political advantages broke her heart. The feeling of being used was new, but she hated it. 

“Hey,” Zuko said softly, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. “I didn’t mean it. I don’t actually want you to leave. I just got upset.” She continued to cry, so he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “Sit with me.” He led her up the steps to his throne and sat her down. He was right at her side, pouring her a cup of tea. 

She finally calmed down enough to speak. Her body still shook with leftover sobs, but she tried her best to contain them. “I can’t believe I couldn’t tell.” 

“He was a pretty good actor.” 

“You saw right through him.” She turned to Zuko. Her eyes were still shiny with tears. “When you first met him. How’d you know?” 

“I thought he was a little too confident for someone standing in the presence of the Fire Lord.” (Y/N) rolled her eyes. “I’m serious! He was too bold. I saw your face when he called himself your boyfriend. I knew something had to be up.” 

(Y/N) sipped her tea slowly. It wasn’t as good as Iroh’s, but it would do. “Why would he use me?” 

“He probably read up on us and knew how close we are.” 

“Yeah, but I can’t even convince you to get out of bed on time. What made him think that I could force a political agenda on you?” 

“(Y/N), if you asked me to move a volcano for you, I’d figure out how to do it.” 

“That’s too easy,” She said with a smile. “All you’d need are earth and firebenders.” Zuko rolled his eyes. 

“You get the point. I’d do absolutely anything for you. He figured that out.” 

(Y/N) stared at Zuko for a long time. She had memorized practically every inch of his face. From his amber eyes to the deep red color of his scar, Zuko was etched into her mind like a stone carving. Ren was the distraction that she had needed to keep her mind off of Zuko. But he was gone now, and so she had nothing to keep her from pining for him. 

“I think maybe I should take a vacation,” She said quietly, turning back to stare at her cup. “A few weeks or something. I could stay with Katara or Toph. Probably Katara, because I don’t think Toph has any beds.” 

“If that’s what you want,” Zuko said. A sad smile graced his features. 

“You could invite Mai to stay in the palace while I’m gone, so you don’t get so lonely.” Zuko turned away. “What? What’s wrong?” 

“Mai and I aren’t together anymore. We haven’t been since before I found my mother.” 

“You didn’t tell me that.” 

“You and I hadn’t exactly been the best of friends before I left.” (Y/N) frowned. So he had noticed her distance. He was quiet for a few moments, and then asked, “I thought things were going well for us. Then it was like you were pushing me away.” 

“I’m sorry,” She whispered. “I just couldn’t handle it.”

“Handle what? Me being me Fire Lord?” She shook her head. “Being back here?” 

“No, it’s not that at all.” She felt her mouth become dry all of a sudden. She should do it. She should just tell him everything. 

“I couldn’t handle being around you and Mai.” 

“Me and Mai? Why?” 

“Do I have to lay it all out for you?” She felt hot. The room was big, but she felt so confined. “I love you, Zuko. I loved you when were kids, I loved you when we were enemies, and I loved you when you were dating Mai. So that’s why I couldn’t be around the two of you.” 

(Y/N) could feel Zuko’s eyes on her, but she refused to look at him. The silence only increased the embarrassment of the moment for her. She felt like running away. 

“You’re an idiot.” (Y/N) whirled to stare at him, her mouth open in shock. 

“Excuse me?” 

“How was I supposed to know that’s how you felt if you never told me?” 

“I thought it was pretty obvious.” 

“No, it wasn’t! You’re not the open book you think you are. You literally fought me in an Agni Kai, how was I supposed to know you loved me?” 

“I saved your life!” 

“You saved lives like every day! How was I supposed to be different?” (Y/N) opened her mouth to speak, but immediately closed it. Perhaps he was right. She hadn’t really given him any indication of how she felt about him. She huffed and crossed her arms, turning away from him. 

Zuko put his hand on her cheek, turning her head to look back at him. He stroked his cheek with her thumb. She closed her eyes tightly to brace herself for the impending rejection. 

Instead, ever so softly, she felt Zuko’s lips press to hers. Her fingers wrapped around the fabric of his robes, trying to pull him closer but not quite sure if she should hold back. 

When they pulled away, (Y/N) opened her eyes quickly, searching Zuko’s face for any sign of remorse. Instead, he smiled at her. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” 

“Why didn’t you?” 

“Well, you’re kind of scary.” (Y/N) giggled. “And I thought that after everything that happened, there would be no way for me to have a chance with you.” Zuko kissed her forehead, each of her cheeks, and then her nose. (Y/N) couldn’t help the smile that took over her face. “I love you, (Y/N). Always have, always will.” 

She closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath. So many terrible things had happened to them during their lives. But in this moment, if she had to relive it all over again, (Y/N) wouldn’t change anything. 

[cablesscutie]

34. “I just want to be there for you.” Zutara, For the fluff prompt list please ☺️

Hello!! You sent me this a very long time ago and then my brain was bad and ground to a screeching halt, but I have been thinking about it this whole time! And now my brain has finally allowed me to make words again these past few weeks, so here it is:

PART 1 \\ PART 2

Even after seeing pictures of Zuko convinces Katara to tentatively agree to Ty Lee’s hairbrained scheme, she still tells herself that she has time to bail. If she really decides that she doesn’t need a date after all, she can just cancel on him and tell Aang her date had food poisoning or something. If worst comes to worst, she can claim that she has food poisoning too and escape the entire mortifying ordeal altogether. Zuko is just an option.

This is the constant refrain in her mind week after week as the date of the wedding approaches, and Katara gets somehow less enthusiastic about it with each passing day. She thinks it as she lets Suki shove her into a fitting room, laden with figure-hugging dresses. She thinks it as she scrolls quickly past Instagram posts counting down the days, politely liking them faster than she can process the sight of fairy lights and mason jars. She thinks it as she impulsively adds a leg waxing to her bi-monthly spa day with Toph. Zuko is just an option.

Just an option with arms that look like they would feel strong and secure around her, and a shy smile, and who’s sweet and playful with kids. Katara lets out a long, frustrated groan and presses her forehead to her desk, rolling it back and forth in a futile attempt to rub out the impending headache of a Friday afternoon. A moment later, she hears the telltale rattle of Suki’s office chair, and then her friend is rolling to a stop beside her.

“You good?” she asks, brushing aside Katara’s hair so she can see her face.

“No,” she sighs, annoyed.

“Is it the rehearsal dinner? Because if you don’t want to go, I can just say you got held late at work.”

“No, no. That’ll be...fine, probably. It’s this whole wedding date thing.”

“Oh do not tell me you’re still being all wishy-washy about it.”

“It just feels like a weird thing to do! I’m just going to show up at my ex’s wedding with this random dude? How will that look?”

“Um, probably like you’ve moved on? Which you have. Objectively. You even had a whole other relationship.”

“Really? Because I think it’ll look like I’m jealous and trying not to be.”

Suki fixes her with disbelieving eyebrows and a laugh. “Trust me, babe. Nobody is going to think that you’re the one that left that relationship pining. You were basically his mom. If this was Jet’s wedding...eh, maybe? But you tend to settle.”

Katara isn’t quite sure if Suki is trying to insult her or compliment her with that statement, and she isn’t sure if her kneejerk, “Hey!” is out of a desire to defend her judgement, or her past partners’ character. Regardless, she doesn’t have much after that to refute the point. Aang seems like a functional enough adult now, a few years out of college, but when they had dated, the “teen” in his nineteen years definitely showed. As for Jet, her much more recent cut, he was...vibing.

“Hon, you’re gonna be fine. I’ve heard Ty Lee and Mai talk about Zuko before, and he sounds like a decent guy. At worst, you have a meh date and escape some social awkwardness, but-” the upward tilt of Suki’s voice had Katara on edge, knowing what was coming next.

“Please, no -”

“- it could be good.”

“No, it can’t be.”

“Ty Lee seems really confident about you two, and you know she’s got a creepy good love radar. After all, she’s the one who convinced me not to block your brother when he slid into my DM’s. Even you told me to block him.”

“She does not have love radar. I love her, but the girl is an unstoppable meddler; she was bound to have a hit once,” Katara dismisses. It’s true that Sokka and Suki are adorable now, and perhaps evidence of the existence of soulmates, but Katara maintains that Ty Lee is a hopeless romantic who believes anything could be the start of an epic love story.

“Fine, be a cynic then. But you’ve already acknowledged that he’s hot, so just go to the wedding with him, and maybe finally rebound from Jet.”

“Hmm,” Katara hums noncommittally.

She’s something of a serial monogamist. She’d left her first real relationship with Aang intending on a summer fling to cleanse her palate before going back for her senior year. After a whirlwind month with the mature and worldly Jiang, she’d been looking into online classes, all but ready to move onto her houseboat and sail away into the sunset. Until Suki pointed out that it was an insane plan, and the ultimately parted ways as planned when Jiang set out to sea again. From there, she had fallen in with Jet as a friend with benefits to blow off steam through her last year without leaving herself open to distraction.

He wasn’t the kind of stable presence she could see herself settling down with, but wasn’t looking to be babied either. No, Jet was more of a feral creature. He knew he was dysfunctional and was fine with it, because function was the system and the system was bogus. Then, she got to know him, and realized that he kept people at a distance for much the same reason she was always pulling them too close. Suddenly, she had grand dreams of showing him the healing power of love, and both of them breaking free of their pain, never needing to fear being alone ever again. He cheated on her, and even as she was shouting at him, she’d known deep down that they had both just repeated their same bad habits all over again.

Now, there is Zuko. Zuko, with tragedy in his scarred eye, and sadness in his smile, but gentle hands on little legs resting on his shoulders. Katara thinks she could make many bad habits out of Zuko, and she is not too proud to admit that it terrifies her. Her stomach turns, and she thinks it might not even be a lie by the time she tells Zuko she’s suddenly too sick to attend the wedding.

The nausea gets worse at the rehearsal dinner, when she walks in to find Jet there, grinning at a bridesmaid. Suki hauls her over to Aang to give him a dressing-down for inviting him, and Katara is somehow reminded in the span of five minutes why she is extremely glad to be rid of both of them.

“I didn’t think it would be a problem!” Aang says, his usual defense. “And he is my friend - we go rock climbing together.”

“Small world,” Suki snarls, and Aang goes wide-eyed, leaning around her to look beseechingly at Katara.

“I swear, I didn’t think you were avoiding each other! After all, we’re exes, and it’s my wedding, but that’s not weird. So I figured you wouldn’t have a problem being in the same room as your other ex.”

Katara grits her teeth behind glossy lips that she forces into a smile, and despite Suki’s murder eyes and the voice in her head telling her not to - to swallow her embarrassment and tell the truth - she finds herself falling back on those old bad habits. “It’s okay, Aang. You had good intentions. We can be adults for one day.”

“Thank you so much Katara,” Aang gushes, lunging forward to wrap her in a hug that pins her arms briefly to her sides. “You’re the best!”

Suki shakes her head in disappointment as he bounds away. “You made your bed,” she reminds Katara. “Guess now you have to decide who to lie in it with.” She glides away to join Sokka at the bar, leaving Katara standing dazed and confused.

“Katara, hey,” an all too familiar voice greets her almost immediately after, and Katara closes her eyes. Suki totally hung her out to dry, and she can’t even be that mad because she’s right.

“Jet,” she says evenly, turning to face him. This shouldn’t be hard for her. While she doesn’t forgive him, she’s also very over him and understands that she’s an idiot for not making Aang ask him to leave. “How are you?”

“Not bad, not bad,” he says, bobbing his head. His clothes are formal but rumpled by disdain for their formality, an effect which once had a liquifying effect on Katara’s insides, but now just feels rude. “I was actually coming over to ask you the same thing,” he says, as though it is a profound inquiry and not the root of all small talk. She opens her mouth to offer a brusque reply and make an excuse to join Sokka and Suki at their table, but he knocks the wind out of her sails with his next words. “Ex’s wedding and all. Brutal.” He gives her a look that she is all to familiar with: his I-see-your-pain look. It was another thing about him that used to push all the right buttons on her, but now she just feels insulted at the presumption that she needs or wants his pity.

“Aang is actually a very dear friend,” she says, trying to sound as impenetrably chipper as possible. “Like a little brother.”

Jet is not deterred, leaning closer to her, his hand just brushing her elbow. “I feel bad about how things ended between us,” he says softly. “I should’ve done better by you.” Katara is momentarily stunned. Is she actually getting a sincere apology? “Which is why I think we should go to the wedding together. I just want to be there for you.”

It’s like a bucket of cold water down her spine, dousing both the fire of her anger and the tiny kindling warmth in her stomach. Katara pulls her shoulders back, straightening her spine, and snaps, “I already have someone to be there for me.”

Jet blinks and rears back a little. “Alright. I’ll, uh. Be looking forward to meeting them then.”

As he slinks away, she feels a moment of deep satisfaction. Only to nearly aspirate her sip of wine as she realizes she has officially painted herself into a corner. Zuko is coming to this wedding.

Thank you! If anyone wants to send me a line or prompt (from this list or your brain) I'll keep it going!

[personasintro]

My Tiny Secret | 17; Wine & Pride

𝑴𝒚 𝑻𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆 | 17; Wine & Pride

⏤𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; Pretty face doesn’t make it up for an ugly personality. And Kim Seokjin is the perfect proof of that.

⏤𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: seokjin x reader

⏤𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: angst, smut, mistress au, unexpected pregnancy au

⏤𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: strong language

⏤> 𝒇𝒊𝒄 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒙

buy me a coffee?♡

a/n: this is a continuation of the flashback from the previous chapter!

“Tell me something about yourself.”

You're done eating, empty plates already out of your sights as you hold a glass of red wine in your hand, the other one gently leaning against the table.

Curious is what you are. Curious, why the man in that expensive suit with bank account bigger than you could ever imagine, is so interested in you. The ordinary woman that gets to spend her free time with some rich CEO, who seems to be too good for everyone. He barely shows any signs of happiness or something that could make him look in better lightening. Is he doing it on purpose? Is he hiding himself from everyone, or is he just being emotionless man?

“Why? I'm not that interesting person to talk about.” Your frown is switched to a puzzled look that you give him, noticing him licking the corner of his mouth.

“I'm quite intrigued in you, Ms. Y/L/N.” he says slowly, your mind processing his words as you feel a weird lump in your throat.

“Is it because my father owes you money?”

Seokjin has grown used to your bluntness, even if it's been a short time since he had the pleasure to talk to you. Nobody has ever thought about talking to him this way. You give him an attitude, testing his waters with each sentence that flows out of your mouth so naturally. But he has seen it. Him talking about your father brought an emotion on your cold face. Even though you showed the hatred that you feel towards one of your parents, you still care.

So you turn cold, letting him know that you don't care about your pathetic father that turned out to be a scumbag. Not only a thief that had the audacity to steal money, steal from the one and only Kim Seokjin, but a scumbag that left his wife and daughter.

He sees right through you, and in a way he can relate to you. Although, he's pretty much aware how of a big asshole he truly is. You're both different, yet he can see himself in you. Not entirely though, you're much more pure even with your sharp tongue and look of distaste.

He chuckles lowly, shaking his head. “No,” he answers. “I've never met someone like you.”

Even if it's unattractive, you snort in front of him, obviously not believing him. “Are you saying this to every woman you lay your eyes on?” you bite back, noticing a sly smirk appear on his juicy lips.

“Not every woman's father steals my money,” he points out, noticing the way your eyes flutter, glancing away from him in shame. “So, be a good girl and tell me about yourself.”

You gulp, heart shaking at him calling you a 'good girl'. No one ever talked to you this way. Unsure whether he's just being cunning or if it's his very interesting dark persona, you take a sip from the red wine instead.

He watches you with full attention, eyes not fluttering even for a split second as he patiently waits for you to talk. He's very persistent without using an actual words.

“I'm just a woman, working in the office and in the coffee shop during weekends. Woman that's too low for your standards.” you wave your hand off, taking another sip as a bitter taste of it makes the connect with your tongue.

You're usually not a wine drinker, especially if it's bitter and sour, but this fine expensive wine tastes different than the ones that Hoseok buys.

“Let me decide if you're up to my standards, would you.” he chuckles, shaking his head at you once more while you raise a brow at him.

“I'm not going to be your plaything, Mr. Kim,” you tell him bluntly, not paying too much attention to a small smirk appearing on his lips at you putting some distance between you two. “I believe you've got much more suitable women for that.”

There's no way a man like him is alone during nights. He surely has hookers to make him some company during nights or whenever he pleases. If he's not taken, you don't believe he doesn't have the urge to have sex. Every man does.

He's young, in the best age to start or have something without commitment.

“Nobody said anything about you being my plaything. And I believe they're plenty of other women who'd much more appreciate this dinner but I don't blame you. But I think you shouldn't think about yourself that lowly.” he leans comfortably against the chair.

“Oh, how charming,” you scoff, not believing him a single word. “I don't think about myself lowly. You don't know me, I could have a husband at home.”

He chuckles, the same dark and mocking way only he knows. “You don't.”

The confidence behind his statement sparks a realization inside of you. He knows much more than you knew, starting from the way he knows where you work and know that you've no husband at home. Also, you've got your last name. Maybe you shouldn't think into it too much, maybe he's just smart.

Or, he was testing you.

A triumph grin stretches on his lips, noticing the way you hesitate before you stare in a silent shock at him.

“Maybe I've a fiance.” you murmur, growing annoyed that he figured you out that quickly.

“Hmm, maybe. I'm sure he wouldn't be very fond of you having a dinner with another man.” he muses.

“Don't flatter yourself, this is strictly professional.” you remind him, hinting of the whole purpose of this dinner.

Deep inside, even though this man irks you in many ways, you're enjoying it. One half of you is torn between you thinking this whole dinner was a bad idea, but the other one is enjoying this. You're intrigued with him. He's different than anyone you've ever met.

“I've never said it wasn't,” he responds, irking another wave of annoyance. “Although, I'm not sure if any man could truly handle that mouth of yours.”

One second you glare at him, the other one you're a coughing mess after you've choked on your spit. You straighten up yourself, ignoring his amused eyes dancing on you before you lick your lips.

“I can assure you, I've had enough partners that could handle me.”

You've this urge to prove him that you're not some lonely woman with no actual experiences. It's hard to guess what he thinks all the time, and you're not sure why you just told him what you did. Maybe it's the way he looks at you. As if you were just some innocent woman that is desperate for any attention.

Enough partners. Maybe your one ex-boyfriend that didn't last long, until he had decided to dump you. But he doesn't know that.

And again, he chuckles mockingly at you, digging a knife into your pride.

“What? You don't believe me?” you press, frowning at the man that seems to have the time of his life at your previous comment.

“It's not important what I believe, Ms. Y/L/N. I just don't see you as the type whose life involves around men. I don't think you let that many men get close to you.”

Whatever the fuck he means by that, your puzzled look is an answer for itself.

He doesn't know you and the basic information that his people managed to found out about you, are just that. Basic and plain. He has no idea who are you, yet he sees easily through you. Just as he told you, he doesn't think you're desperate for attention or men in general. Surely, you're both from another worlds with different priorities. Even the way you push him away from you, you're still sitting on the one side of the table, with him at the other one. You want to be here, not just because he's your drive home. You could easily catch a cab or something.

“If I want any man close to me, I let him.” you tell him eagerly, watching how his eyes trail down onto the table, eyeing the shining glasses before he looks back at you.

“Mhm, I'm sure you do.”

And there he is, back to his mocking tone that even stupid person could recognized as his way of meaning the opposite.

And you're going to prove him wrong.

Just as the young waiter comes to your table, asking if you're interested in desert, you politely decline. He looks younger than you, politely asking Seokjin the same thing with timid eyes. You know guys like him, freshly out of college wanting to commitments. He thought he's being subtle when he eyed you whenever he passed the table. His hungry eyes set on you whenever Seokjin's attention was elsewhere.

It's a great opportunity to show him that he's wrong.

But it's a fucking bad idea, considering it's your second glass of wine. You don't usually get this tipsy so quickly and easily. It makes you wonder what kind of wine that is.

However, you're pretty aware of what you're doing when you pull out a pen out of your purse, writing something onto the white napkin. You glance at Seokjin, just as you're putting the pen back into your purse, noticing his eyes settled on you in a slight frown. He can see the outlines of numbers, his gaze darkening as he watches you shooting a confident smile to the young waiter.

The guy's eyebrows shoot up, covered by his fringe as he eyes the napkin that you delicately hand him. His cheeks gets red right away, along with his neck as you open your mouth.

“Call me.” you tell him, licking your lips as he glances at Seokjin, but he's staring at you with hardened gaze at the other side of the table.

Still, he takes Seokjin's lack of reaction as a green light, nodding as an obedient child that's ready to yell in happiness. His mouth ticks as he tries to hide a huge grin, before he coughs.

“Is there anything you'd like to order?”

Even his voice flatters, trying to hide the enthusiasm that he just managed to score a woman, without actually talking to her.

Just as you're handing him your empty glass, you're ready to order another one when Seokjin cuts you off way before you can utter a single word.

“Yes, she'll have a glass of water,”

You frown at him, but he's staring at the younger male. “And I'd like to have that.” he adds, pointing towards the napkin that's clutched in his hand.

The poor guy looks like someone just slapped him into his face, hastily hanging the white napkin with your number on it. You watch Seokjin scrunching it, raising a brow at him before he quickly scurries away, not even glancing your way.

“You proved your point.” he tells you, tossing that crumbled napkin on the table.

“I wasn't trying to prove anything,” you grumble, knowing how fucking wrong you are. “And I'm not drunk.”

It's true. You're not. You're completely fine, although that wine definitely gave you more courage but you feel like you've been more riled up by Seokjin himself.

“Oh, I know you aren't,” he says. “But you'd slowly get there, if you continued.”

Rolling your eyes at him, you're not surprised when a different waiter comes to bring you your glass of water. You can't help it but glance at Seokjin when that happens, but his eyes are focused on you, showing no emotion or reaction. He's aware that he probably scared that poor guy.

The dinner is over, right after you drink all of that water with Seokjin looking at you. You barely put your glass down, before his voice resounds.

“Come on, I'll drive you home.”

And for the first time that night, you actually feel disappointment pang in your chest, for unspeakable and unreasonable reasons.  

taglist: <is in the comments> comment on the most recent chapter to be added to the taglist

[laceymorganwrites]

Dämmerlicht - Choso´s part

Word count: 5, 212

Pairing: Choso x reader

Warnings: swearing, happy what if scenario, description of a panic attack

A/N: okay so. Choso is my second fave. I am MAD AS HELL at Mappa for animating him the way they did. But alas, I still wanted to get this out since it is his first anime appearance. So, have this as a celebration <33

Taglist: @miyaniacs

Choso didn´t know what to expect when he read the text message from one of his brothers.

“A really nice person prevented us from getting killed and now we´re having drinks with them and the attackers. You should come over”

What the hell was that even supposed to mean? His day was already stressful enough and now he was beyond worried for his brothers. If anything were to happen to them the people responsible wouldn´t be able to think about taking their next breath as it would be their last one.

On the way to the described area his head was full of questions about their well being, what had happened, had he failed as an older brother?

It was quite the long way and he wondered what kind of bar would be situated this far up a hill, hidden in the woods nonetheless.

But then again, it wasn´t just any bar as he would learn later.

You were a teacher at jujutsu high in Tokyo, arriving just in time to stop Yuuji and Nobara from killing innocent curses.

Everyone else was occupied and at first you thought the kids would finish the mission without any problems. But as always it got more dangerous than anyone had bargained for.

Since you were the only one available right now you were dispatched to the location.

When you arrived you saw that Megumi was fast asleep, he probably exerted himself, that was a first. You wondered what motivated him that much. You would ask him tomorrow when he was awake again.

For now you had to search for the other kids, so you followed the great amount of cursed energy you could feel.

Luckily you were in time.

“They´re being manipulated! Back off, you guys” you announced your presence and got ready to defend the kids since you could still feel a bit of violence from the curses, albeit forced.

Sensing cursed energy was your specialty, you could tell the intentions clearly which is why you realized sooner than others that not all curses were bad, most were just as bad off as you were.

You have been part of the movement for a long time, the Dämmerlicht was like your second home.

It seemed like you would introduce the kids to it too, not that you minded. Gojo and you talked about this a lot, when the right timing would be, whether or not they´d understand.

But you trusted those kids, you believed in them, they were good people.

You were glad you could talk to the curses and help them defy Mahito and his group.

It was a relief, but also so much more than that. It meant peace, even if it was just for a moment.

Trusting didn´t come easy for you, growing up in such a corrupt and cold system you weren´t surprised in the least.

Though you found comfort in the fact that you weren´t alone. It was nice teaching the way you wanted to, the right way, teaching the children everything you have learned, exposing the elders as much as you could get away with.

“Alright, is everything else here done?” you asked, looking at your watch since you didn´t want to leave Megumi unguarded for long.

“Uuuh I think so…” Yuuji replied, he still didn´t quite grasp the situation. Megumi should have exorcised the curse that was plaguing his sister and so many others, so that didn´t leave any other tasks.

After some time the kids got used to the curses being just like them, meaning no harm. It felt like going home with friends as you squeezed them all inside your car, honestly it was quite the miracle they all fit in there.

“Someone wake Megumi. I need to talk to you” your voice got serious, you reckoned now would be a good time.

Megumi yawned and was kind of confused as to how he got in the car and why there were curses around him. Mostly he was just a tad bit annoyed that he was woken up.

“Listen, I know you must be confused right now. But you have to listen carefully to what I will say next. And keep this a secret. If this gets out of the car we and all my friends are going to be dead.” you started, the kids were focused now and nodded along with you.

“Forget everything you´ve learned, about this world, about curses. Most of it isn´t true. Yeah, there are vengeful spirits out there, but there are just as many sorcerers that are as bad as them if not worse. Don´t trust anyone, learn to trust your gut. You need to learn how to read cursed energy better. That way you always know what the intentions are. I will show you a very special place now. A safe space for people like me, people like us. I´m showing you this now and not later because I want you to know the truth, I want you to do better than any of us ever could. You should realize it before it´s too late. Maki´s already in on it” you explained, going into further detail about the history of the bar and the movement and how Gojo is part of it as well.

The last part seemed to fully convince them luckily, after all Gojo spent even more time with them than you. You just taught them basic things like combat, when it came to missions and such Gojo was the one to do that.

When you arrived you immediately relaxed, the familiar veil had you at ease, feeling a bit of peace.

“Come on now, guys, if we stand around too much we´re risking being seen” you warned them and hurried inside with them.

“Damn, that´s a strong veil…” Megumi said out loud, looking around and as suspected taking a defensive stance as soon as he saw the customers in the bar.

Though he relaxed when he couldn´t feel any malice from them.

You guided them to the backroom where the meetings were held and introduced them to the owner.

“Oh, recruiting already, I see how it is” they grinned at you and explained everything in more detail to the kids and the curses.

After the initial shock they accepted it and were more calm about it than you had thought. It brought a smile to your face.

You decided to hang out a bit more and get to know each other, it should be fine since Gojo would let them sleep in either way, he had the first lessons tomorrow.

He even volunteered to pick them up, after all he still needed to pay his daily visit to the bar.

Nobara and Eso got along quite well, already making plans to hang out more. She promised to go shopping with him once or at least get him one of those tops with an open back.

She was good at encouraging him to show it more and be proud of it, he appreciated it, though was far from being as confident as her.

He envied her a bit, but not in a vengeful way, it was more of an admiration for a new friend.

Eso would like it if they would hang out more, maybe he would get over his insecurities that way.

Megumi also wasn´t that much on edge as he usually was, you saw that as a massive win and were in a good mood.

“I think Choso would like it here, do you think we should invite him?” Kechizu asked his brother who nodded. “Choso´s our old brother, he´s the eldest. You can trust him”  Eso assured you, usually you´d be distrustful towards such statements but since you didn´t feel any bit of lying intentions you agreed to it.

You wondered what their brother would be like and listened to the other´s fond words of him while you waited for his arrival.

Choso arrived at the destination and looked around, no one followed him. Good.

His brothers told him that he should be extra careful, so he was.

He had to admit he was quite curious about this place, so he entered through the curtain, it was very strong and only let people with good intentions in.

As soon as he saw his brothers laughing with you and your students he felt at ease and approached your table, greeting you politely and sitting down next to his brothers, checking for injuries just in case.

“You must be Choso, it´s nice to meet you” you smiled and reached out your hand he reluctantly shook.

Choso was naturally rather on guard, especially around sorcerers like you. Though he couldn´t sense any malice from you.

But that didn´t mean anything.

The last time he met someone like you it got him and his brothers sealed. It was his fault and his brothers had to pay for it, it wasn´t fair. If only he paid more attention.

But that was about a hundred years ago already, he couldn´t remember.

He didn´t know what to feel when he was unsealed. All his life he spent protecting his brothers and spending time with them, he didn´t know anything else to do.

And now they were supposed to follow some newbie? Not with him. Nobody gave him and his brothers orders, they were free after all.

And, even though he hated playing that card, more experienced and older than the new curse.

He didn´t know anything about the world yet while they had experienced it all. Though really, what did he experience? It wasn´t much.

It would be sad if he cared. He couldn´t know what he missed if he didn´t even know how to.

Choso decided to shake your hand, what did he have to lose? Maybe not all sorcerers were lying and manipulative scum.

If anyone could convince him it would be you.

He was looking at you as if to find evidence that would prove him wrong, anything, signs that this was a trap and not just a dream too good to be true.

In his life he learned not to trust things, feelings and people that were too good to be true. Cause they never were.

Sighing he relaxed in his seat and took part in the conversation, though he didn´t talk much. He never did, not really seeing the point in it. He never liked being the center of attention, preferring hearing others talk.

Yuuji reminded him of his brothers, he was full of hope, so optimistic still.

Maybe it was because of this place though, he didn´t seem like someone the elders could control like a puppet, telling him to kill every curse in his way.

No, he actually thought he could be a dear friend.

“Before I forget, I still need to cut your ties to Mahito” you told them, you didn´t like the thought of him finding this place.

“You can do that?” Eso asked curiously, so jujutsu had also improved since back then.

“Yeah, I just have to concentrate, but it´ll be over quickly” you remarked, focusing your cursed energy in your hand, forming it to a sharp blade. Then you turned your attention back to their energy, making out the ties that bound them to Mahito clearly, you held your breath as you carefully cut them. Though you were quick about it, not wanting to hurt them any more than they already have been.

Choso was very defendant as always, wanting to be the first one to be freed so that he could see if your technique was harmful or not.

He was more than surprised when he realized that it wasn´t. Why would someone like you help them?

Though maybe it was because of you, you really were special, huh?

“So now that we´re free again we should get a place to stay again. Do you have any recommendations, (Y/N)?” Eso asked you, they previously talked about how they would support you in defeating Mahito to free the curses from his chains.

It was strange to think that they would be able to have a life now. It´s been so long that theirs was taken away from them.

Eso wished he never went into the human village to make friends…

Though Choso never held it against him. No one did.

“Hmm, you could try it in the outskirts, most of the costumers live there, they have a little community there, it´s protected by a veil too. Everyone´s nice and would love to welcome you there” you smiled.

Your smile irritated Choso, why did you smile like that? As if everything was fine even though it clearly wasn´t? What were you trying to hide? Or were you just pretending? And for what? What use did it have?

He didn´t like people he couldn´t read, it made him uneasy.

“That sounds great, thank you so much. For everything” Eso said.

“I could show you around tomorrow actually! I´m only teaching the later lessons then” you offered.

So you were the friendly type, huh. Or were you? It could all still be a trap.

What even was that? A place where curses could live in peace? Yeah, right…

You´d have to be stupid to actually believe that.

Only later would he learn that you and the organization worked that hard so that it wouldn´t be a dream anymore.

“Well, it´s getting late. The kids should get back to the school. It was nice meeting you, I´ll see you tomorrow then” you announced, standing up with the students and being joined by Gojo who said goodbye to the owner.

Before leaving you were smiling at Choso again, was he just a joke to you? You did that on purpose, didn´t you? You really were an irritating individual.

“Thanks for joining us, Choso. It was nice to meet you” you said and sounded so genuine he almost believed it.

He just nodded until Eso nudged his side a bit to which he rolled his eyes.

“You´re not so bad either…” he gave in and once again was thankful for his brothers to get him out of his head.

Overthinking was easy, especially with a past such as unfortunate as theirs. But this wasn´t the past. Things changed. People changed.

“Man I never thought I´d be friends with a curse…” Yuuji laughed, his hands behind his head.

“See, I told you they´re not as bad as you think they are. Oh, Gojo, I´ll show them to the veil tomorrow, you go ahead and start teaching the reading technique” you reminded him and he nodded.

“Hmm I still think it´s too early for that, but alright. Who knows, maybe they´ll surprise us.” he answered, usually they would only learn this in their second year but why not? After all those kids had a lot of potential, he was sure they could do it.

Nobara exchanged contact information with Eso and made it her mission to spare some nail polish for him, maybe she would get to do his nails for him, it was nice to have someone with the same interests as her.

They went to sleep immediately after arriving since they were still drained from the mission while you and Gojo talked about everything that happened that day.

“If they manage they´ll be able to free other curses as well, we would get so much closer to our goal” you reminisced, a hopeful undertone in your voice.

“Don´t rush them. They´ll learn it in their own time” Gojo reminded you, he didn´t let it on oftentimes but he really did care about the children.

“Of course, I´ll see you tomorrow then” you waved goodbye and then went to your room.

Yeah, the kids would have it rough, there was no avoiding that. But you would try your best that they would only have it rough, not traumatizing and horrible.

It was the least you could do.

You thought back to Choso and his brothers, they were such a nice bunch and you couldn´t wait to meet them again tomorrow.

You were so happy that the students liked them too.

Sleep came easy to you that night, you just wished every day could be as peaceful as that.

Maybe you were living in a fantasy world that was so bright it made you lose any connection to reality, but you didn´t care. You would make it into a reality.

The next dame came quick, you were refreshed and ready for your mission.

Hurriedly getting ready and saying goodbye to Gojo and the students you made your way to the Dämmerlicht once again.

“Are you guys ready to go?” you asked, smiling the same way you did yesterday but somehow even more energetic.

The three brothers nodded, two more enthusiastically than the other. Choso still was on guard. And who could blame him? He didn´t want to trust you, didn´t want to repeat the same mistakes he made.

You were very adamant on changing that though, without meaning to that thought made him smile a bit.

Perhaps a little trust wasn´t all that bad.

On the way he looked around carefully, it was so loud and crowded, he didn´t like it one bit.

Choso was on edge until they arrived at the veil.

Everything had changed so much, there were so many new impressions that he couldn´t yet place.

It was just like back then, maybe even worse.

He could hear them whispering, he wasn´t wanted here, his brothers neither, at least he looked a bit human, it was so cruel… hurt so much.

Air.

He couldn´t breathe. Not that he needed to but still, it was so familiar, the breath in his lungs that was one of the few things left of his human side, he desperately clung to it.

It was his responsibility to provide for his brothers, to take care of them and he failed. He failed oh so miserably.

He always would… he wasn´t good for anything, why did he even exist? Nobody wanted him anyway.

No, quite the contrary, they wanted him and his brothers gone. They didn´t belong here, they never did. They were an anomaly, only born into this world to be killed.

If only it was enough that he died… his brothers were innocent, they would live in the shadows, not bothering anyone, they promised. Only spare them. Please.

I´m sorry, I´m so sorry. I´ll be good, I promise, I won´t cause any trouble, just please… don´t hurt us.

Choso was frozen in place, unable to move, unable to get out of his thoughts, his eyes were wide but he was looking through everything, his hands were shaking and his mouth was dry.

Help…

Somebody help him, anyone, he would do anything. Please just make it go away.

“Alright! There we are!” your chipper voice was like a hand reaching out to him, he desperately took it.

Thank you. Thank you so much. I owe you my life.

You didn´t notice that Choso was having a panic attack since you walked ahead, but you definitely saw the tension leave his body and his face relax as you turned around to them to show them inside.

Choso didn´t know what to expect of this place.

He had thought it would be dirty and horrible, like a ghetto for curses, but it wasn´t anything like that.

After entering the veil he saw a quieter version of what had happened outside. It was like a hidden town within the city.

Suddenly he felt at ease.

Looking around he saw houses just like he knew from back then, but also modern ones. There were all sorts of shops and a park, even a cinema.

It felt like a dream.

“There are a few empty houses near the woods, but we also have an apartment building is you prefer that. Just make yourselves at home” you smiled and for once Choso was grateful for it, if you smiled it meant everything was alright.

Everything would be fine. They were safe.

You showed them around and talked about everything, told them who they should ask about the living situation and such.

“Can we really live freely like this?” Choso asked, he wanted to wish they could, wanted to be hopeful but he knew where that led.

“Well, I wish you could live with us, but that´s way in the future. For now we´re all working together so that you can at least have peace and quiet here. You shouldn´t have to hide, but anything else is impossible right now. People fear what they don´t understand. And vengeful spirits are born from that fear, they could destroy everything we have worked so hard for” you sighed. It just wasn´t fair. You hated how you practically contained them, that it was the only solution you could come up with.

You had failed.

It was hard for you to see this place in a positive way.

Sure, the curses that lived here were happy and free, they built an own community, stood together and it was beautiful. But there was so much more out there that they couldn´t enjoy and it made you mad.

You smiled and waved to some curses you knew.

“Thank you for showing us here, it´s nice to know that we can have a place to live in peace” Eso smiled.

“No problem at all! At least it´s a beginning…” you shrugged, hoping you would be able to make it even better for them.

The three bothers talked among themselves a bit, deciding that Eso and Kechizu would go ahead and talk to the curse in charge already to get a place to stay.

Choso told them to be careful and then turned to you.

“Why are you even doing all of this? Didn´t your people tell you we´re monsters and dangerous?” he asked, this has been on his mind from the beginning and quite frankly irritated him.

“Yes, they did. They tried to make you out to be the bad guys. But I always asked myself: if the monster is under my bed, isn´t it scared too? Doesn´t the monster feel just the same as I do? What makes us different? If it´s already near me why shouldn´t I make friends with it? Besides, my teachers really didn´t do a good job at the whole hate speech against you. I mean they tell you that every curse is evil and then teach you how to read cursed energy” you laughed and shook your head. Yeah, the elders and leaders of the clans were stupid. So was the whole clan system. It was so old already and yet nobody dared defy them. Because they were wiser than them apparently.

You always hated the hierarchy of old people sticking to what´s been taught to them. After all things changed. You had to adapt to and accept it, not just keep going with your old traditions and teachings.

“You know that way of thinking gets you killed, right? You can´t just say that every curse is good. Why do you so desperately want to believe in the good in people? Especially when they´re moved by fear and greed?” Choso questioned. Sure you seemed convinced enough and did the right thing, but still, was it worth dying for?

“Because I´ve seen so many people suffer from my kind, sure some curses are bad, but only some. My whole world is corrupt and based on lies. How can you expect me to stand by idly?”

Choso smirked at your words.

“Keep that attitude. If people like you existed back then…” he started, almost trailing off.

“Never mind. You do now, that´s all that matters” he stated, seeming lost in thought.

You didn´t want to pry so you stayed quiet.

“Thank you. For trusting me. I know how weird this all must be for you, thank you for giving it a chance” you smiled, though this time it was more soft and gentle.

“Well, if you´re taking a step towards us, I might as well take one towards you” he said, he no longer was on edge.

Now you understood what his brothers meant when they said he was kind.

“I have to get to work, but I´ll drop by later to see how everything´s going!” you waved goodbye and went back to the school.

In the following weeks you spent a lot of time with the brothers, helping them move in with your students. Nobara brought a lot of decoration that she didn´t need anymore and also the promised nail polish. Eso and her would spend the day shopping in the small clothing shops on the main marketplace while Megumi, Yuuji and Kechizu carried the moving boxes and furniture.

Choso and you did the rest of the organizational things.

During those weeks you learned more about him and grew closer, he had a calm presence that you liked being in.

He didn´t talk much, but when he did it was heartfelt, you really appreciated that about him.

And he told you about his past, about the human village they wanted to visit. His little brothers wanted to make friends there even though he had warned them about it. But instead of going after them, he left them alone. They returned home heavily injured. They were lucky that there was no sorcerer in town back then.

Since then they were moving a lot, never being able to stay in one place, too scared of being cast out or even worse. Sorcerers were omnipresent to them.

And even though Choso was being more careful than ever, he made one big mistake.

He trusted someone he really shouldn´t have, being invited to the village where the citizens even talked to his brothers before sealing them, giving them false hope and betraying their trust.

Sorcerers were the worst.

But you convinced him otherwise, showed him that there were others like you, who wanted to live with them, who not only tolerated them, but actually liked them.

You really were special, weren´t you?

At first he didn´t think anything about it, it was normal to spend that much time with a person, wasn´t it?

Still his brothers wouldn´t stop teasing him about his apparent crush on you. He didn´t know how to react, after all he never had a crush before, love and relationships were the last thing on his mind.

How did you even notice these things? Even Nobara teased him about it whenever she came over, but also told him that you were in the same boat.

He was glad that Yuuji was there too, he at least understood him and didn´t make him only more confused than he already was.

So what if he enjoyed your presence a tad bit more than he did everyone else´s? That didn´t have to mean anything.

Though now that the thought was inside his head, he just became hyper aware of it.

Nobara told Eso about a new ice cream place that would open inside the veil soon and how they needed to go there with everyone.

“Choso you should really ask (Y/N) out already, that´s the perfect place to go!” she encouraged him, but he just sighed.

“I never had ice cream before” he admitted, though it was more of a neutral statement, shocking Nobara and Yuuji.

“No way! You need to change that immediately!” Yuuji said.

“Yeah, that´s a crime!” Nobara added in the instance you walked in.

You were used to the commotion already, if you were being honest you liked it. If the kids were so at ease and comfortable everything would be fine.

“What is?” you questioned after joining them.

“Choso never had ice cream before, can you believe that?” Nobara told you, still in shock.

“Really? We need to change that” you said determined.

“If you say so, how about now? I could use some fresh air” he smiled, he would take any chance to be alone with you, especially after such an embarrassing conversation. Maybe they were right after all. But what should he do about that?

“Is it really that weird that I never had ice cream?” he asked, not understanding why everyone made such a big deal out of it.

“Hmm not really actually. I mean it´s so usual for us since we´ve grown up with it, but you´re from a different world, so it´s not surprising. But I have a feeling you´ll like it” you smiled.

“Everyone just talked about a new shop that opened… do you maybe wanna go there?” he said, thinking a bit and then taking a deep breath of courage before uttering his next word: “As a date?”.

You blinked twice, looking at him questioning, did he really just say that? It wasn´t just your imagination? It was so sudden but you couldn´t say you minded that in the least.

On the contrary, it excited you. “I´d really like that” you said, smiling the same way you only did when you were around him.

So he didn´t just imagine that, maybe his siblings were right, they were definitely more perceptive than he was when it came to such things.

“Heh, my first date. Just a warning though, I´m not good when it comes to those things, so please don´t be too disappointed with me” he told you, after all he didn´t know how he was supposed to behave now, was there anything he should do different?

“Don´t worry about that, you can´t disappoint me. I´m just really glad to be able to spend time with you. I… I like you a lot, Choso” you admitted to which he smiled. Usually he didn´t smile so openly, but with you he just couldn´t stop.

You made him do things he normally wouldn´t and somehow he enjoyed that way more than he thought he should.

It wasn´t a long walk to the ice cream place and it was almost empty too, which was nice.

“There are a bunch of different flavors, you can choose whatever you want” you smiled, telling him about your favorite flavors.

“I think I´ll try vanilla first” he said after looking at the menu.

You nodded and ordered for both of you, you decided to walk around the park a bit, the weather was really nice today.

Choso was a bit hesitant to try it, it was so cold… but then again it probably was supposed to be. He watched you eat your ice cream and wondered if your teeth didn´t hurt from all the cold.

Before it could melt though, you had warned him about that, he tried it.

It was something he never experienced before, yes, it was cold, but somehow that didn´t make his mouth numb like he feared.

Instead it melted in his mouth, the flavor was so simple yet immaculate.

“And? How is it?” you asked curiously. “I think I like it. It´s a weird texture but… it´s fun to eat” he chuckled slightly, imagining how stupid he must sound to you right now.

But he didn´t care.

It was you after all, you would never hold it against him.

No, you were excited and happy that he was having fun. You two decided that you would try a lot of new things together.

[trainsinanime]

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier - Episode 3

Man, Wandavision was so much better.

The one person I follow on here who also watches this show posts a lot about the politics of the show and how questionable they are, and I think there are some valid points to be made. But I think that this makes it very easy to miss the important truth: The show is amazingly committed to not saying anything at all. It’s mind-boggling.

A key element of this is how little America, as a concept, seems to figure into this. The show is all about two Captain America sidekicks, about his shield, about who gets to be Captain America, about the legacy and about the treatment of African americans… but it goes out of its way to never be about America. The new bad Captain America seems to work for a Generic Recurring Council, and also the german police (and in fact in the opening jumps out of a van that literally has “GRC Polizei” on its side).

You could maybe argue that there is a default assumption of USA-ness here; people keep talking about “your/our guys/side”, and that side seems to include the CIA. But that’s as specific as it gets, and since the other side is explicitly the fantasy evil against everything Hydra, that’s not really saying much. The scene where they introduce the new Captain America and introduce him as an all-american Hero is arguably the closest thing they come to saying something, anything, about the US as such.

Now, MCU Cap has never really been about America much. The closest he came was in the first movie, but even there, he fought Hydra instead of actual Nazis. Aside: ”The First Avenger” is easily the most pro-German american WW2 movie ever. Anyway, even then, he was on the side of the good guys, who happened to be Americans, but he wasn’t explicitly about the US, and in the movies since, he didn’t much touch on the US either; it was always about SHIELD and HYDRATE and Bucky. But in this show this becomes even more egregious, because they keep touching on stuff, apparently on accident, and then don’t do anything with it.

Isaiah Bradley is a big deal, isn’t he? You’d think he’d be a key piece to the question “what does it mean to be a symbol for America, and what is good and bad about that”. But in this show, he doesn’t actually matter. They bring him up because they know he’s important, but they don’t seem to know why.

Who does the new Captain America work for? You’d think it would either be the US government, or explicitly not the US government, but in reality it appears to be the generic world council of badness. Speaking of, what does it mean that there is a generic world council? There is a group called flag smashers who are against borders - or against the generic world council hoarding medicine, or something? It’s all stuff that seems meaningful, and you can read meaning into it (which never works in the show’s favour), but nope, it doesn’t mean anything.

The show seems scared of being political, in this political spy thriller about the meaning of a US symbol, and just ends up dithering about. Of course it’s impossible to be completely apolitical, so the show settles for what it assumes are default political statements nobody can disagree with - which are apparently, in the minds of the show runners, „US interventionism is good“, „everybody loves the US“ and so on. That sure is a choice.

So when the show talks about Captain America being a symbol or an icon, what it seems to talk about mostly is Steve Rogers himself. But that’s boring, because he’s boring, and the show has nothing of value to say about him anyway. „Steve sure was a good guy“ is the one and only note it has, and it bends itself over backwards to say it. When was Bucky into the whole stars-and-stripes stuff? Why don’t any of them remember Steve personally? Do they have opinions about Steve going back in time to destroy the legacy of Marvel’s first good TV show „Agent Carter“? …have the TV show versions of Sam and Bucky ever met Steve? The thing is that they talk about Steve as a symbol, but never as a person. The show knows that the shield is a symbol, and the man wielding it as a symbol, but it doesn’t seem to stand for anything. The shield is a symbol for the man who is a symbol because he has the shield, or something.

Okay, with that out of the way, some more notes:

The banter between Sam and Bucky is fairly good. If they had a better writer, and more of it, then we could almost say that the show had a strong point there.

Breaking Zemo out of prison is a stupid plot point, but Zemo makes the banter better, so I’m not going to complain.

I like Sharon. The mean reason why would be because she doesn’t care about the plot either, which makes her relatable, but honestly, she’s just fun here.

I do recognise the term Madripoor from the comics but I don’t care. Between you and me, I’m not sure I like the concept of „like Singapore or Hong Kong but everybody is a criminal“, it feels a bit racist to me. Are there people who have investigated the concept of the port city that is a wretched hive of scum and villainy, so to speak?

Zemo is supposed to be imprisoned in Berlin, but the uniform he steals to sneak out has the coat of arms of Hamburg. That’s completely unacceptable.

[banashee]

It's midnight where I am, which means it's technically the 21st already 😁 Hi Folks, welcome to my fourth fic for the Archival Pride 2021 project! Look at their tumblr for more info :)

@archivalpride

   Archival Pride 2021, Week four (June 21-28) Prompts: comfort, childhood, research, missing scene, statement

   The key words I've used here are comfort, research (and arguably missing scene depending how you look at it)

So, this wasn't supposed to get nearly as long as it ended up being. But I enjoyed wirting this a ridiculous amount, and I hope you can find a bit of joy, comfort or anything else you're seeking as well.

-

Please mind the tags and content warnings for this one! It’s quite a bit heavier than my other entries for the Archival Pride 2021.

Content warnings: - Trauma, Grief - PTSD / Panic attacks - violent canon death of a sibling - coping - Nightmares - Canon-typical violence - Canon-typical Clowns / The Stranger - Death of a loved one - Canon-typical violence and thoughts of violence - Past underage kissing between consenting teenagers (nothing graphic and very PG) - breif internalized Bi-Phobia in the past - brief mention of past Ace-Phobia - strong language - TMA season 3 spoilers, even though this story is set pre-canon.

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 Whispers in the Dark

 The first time Tim meets Jonathan Sims is when he sets down a small cardboard box and a stack of files onto a desk. More precisely, his own new place at the desk he just got assigned.

 Tim just started out with his new job and he smiles, even though he is barely holding himself together at this point. He hopes no one will ask too many questions - it’s not like he plans on telling anyone what made him seek out the institute in the first place. It’s way too personal, and way too much to handle.

 So he’d lied in the job interview, spun some story about wanting a new challenge. Mr. Bouchard didn’t question it, and Tim would like to think that is because his CV and education are rather high quality, which he isn’t shy about. Not at all - he is proud of his achievements, and rightfully so. But Tim can’t shake the feeling that his new employer had looked at him oddly, like he knows something that no one else does. It had been deeply unsettling, and if Tim thinks too much about it, it causes the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up straight.

 Despite his gut feeling telling him something else, Tim decides to chalk it up to nerves and his… Current situation, so to say. He is more jumpy, more paranoid than he used to be, which isn’t surprising. He has seen things, lived through things that he wouldn’t know how to explain if anyone asked. But overthinking it won’t get him anywhere.

 So, he puts on a bit of the show, something that looks like his usual happy-go-lucky personality. Loud, brash, flirty and wicked smart, just like he always has been. It feels incredibly fake to him, but then again, no one here knows him. No one has ever met him before… Before. They don’t know.      They don’t know    . None of them ever sees him when the mask falls, home alone, in a house that feels too big and too empty with Dany gone and - no.

     “Don’t go there, Stoker, just don’t. Get through the day, see what you can find out and go home. Get back tomorrow, rinse and repeat. You can do this.”     he tells himself and plasters on a smile that almost hurts.

 As he sets down the box and his files, he greets his new coworker and desk-neighbor.

 “Hi, I’m Tim, nice to meet you!” (      “be happy, sound happy, god dammit”     he thinks, then reminds himself that this guy won’t know the difference.)

 The man on the desk opposite of him looks up from his computer which he’d previously looked at with intense concentration. It seems to take him a moment to catch up, then he nods and there is the hint of a very small smile on his face.

 “Oh, erm, hi. Welcome.” he says, like someone who isn’t used to interacting with too many people. And maybe he isn’t - Tim wouldn’t know. He almost moves on and accepts that he won’t get a name from his new desk neighbor, but then he hears him say,

 “Jonathan. Jon is fine, too.”

 And then, as if he never said anything, he focuses back onto the screen in front of him and starts typing furiously.

 “Thanks!” Tim says, probably just a tad too loud and too enthusiastically, but he doesn’t get a response this time. Okay, awkward. He isn’t sure if Jon is ignoring him or if he just doesn’t realize that he is being talked to - judging from the very brief, first impression of him that Tim got, both options might be entirely possible.

 As the days go by, they don’t interact a lot besides basic politeness and the occasional question or comment about something work related.

 The first time Tim ever really talks to Jon, is when he witnesses the man climb a bookshelf in the library like a fucking tree. No kidding. Tim blinks, and for the first time in a long while, he feels a real, genuine laugh bubble up in his chest. What the hell? He steps closer, next to the large, antique bookshelf that his coworker is currently clinging to, pulling books from a shelf that is over his head still.

 “Jon, hi.” Tim says, watching the scene in front of him unfold. This is not something he expected, least of all from the coworker who never seems to say or do anything mildly interesting. So much for the first impression - the second impression is something entirely different, and it is this very moment that Tim decides that he likes the guy.

 The sound of Tim’s voice addressing him directly makes Jon turn his head.

 “Hi. Can I help you?” he asks, brusk and matter of fact, as if there wasn’t anything odd about this situation.

 “...I was going to ask you the same?” Tim offers, mildly amused as he finds himself kind of impressed when Jon manages to shrug with his hands full like that. While clinging to the shelf, because what even?

 “No. Why? I’ve already got what I need.” Jon jumps down from the wooden board he’d been standing on, and it is only now that Tim realizes they’d been on eye level before. Now… Not so much. They never stood next to each other up until this moment, he realizes.

 He’s only been here for about a week, but whenever Tim arrives at the office, Jon is already there, at his desk and working. He never gets up for lunch, only ever seems to leave the room to pick up or drop off books from the library, and by the time everyone else has left, Jon remains seated at his desk. If he wasn’t changing out his clothes, Tim would have been convinced that Jonatahn Sims simply plugs himself into a wall socket to recharge for the next day. Or maybe sleeps under his desk or something.

 “Just… You know what, nevermind.” Tim has come to the very correct conclusion that he better just accept this as it is. It seems easier. Much, much easier than arguing with someone over nothing, even though Tim feels like punching a wall or two some days. But that is not his coworkers fault, and he doesn’t want to mess up the chance to get to know him because he is cute.

 Tim doesn’t even question this train of thought anymore.

 At some point in between meeting the man for the very first time and… well, this, he must have filed away the odd combination of grandfather cardigans, chipped dark nailpolish and neatly tied up hair, combined with that deep warm voice and decided that yes, this person is attractive.

 To be fair, it doesn’t take Tim long to fall for people - it never has. He just didn’t expect to spend any time really      looking     at someone, now that his life has gone sideways in so many horrible ways.

 Turns out he’d been wrong.

 Finding something attractive about a person, no matter their gender or any physical attributes, is the easiest thing in the world to Tim. Ever since he can remember, he has enjoyed looking at people. Tim likes soft curves just as well as sharp angles, and has spent many many hours of his life getting lost in people's eyes. Sometimes, he’d caught himself staring when talking to a friend, losing himself in the depth of warm brown eyes with specks of gold, watery blue, light grey or green with specs of hazel and anything in between.

 Tim vividly remembers a game of spin the bottle when he was a teenager and sat on the floor with a group of friends and classmates. Of course, there had been many dares to kiss someone, and he had happily taken them whenever possible.

 At the time, Tim wasn’t sure about himself at all, because he’d only known that he finds people attractive, but all everyone around him had talked about was if you were gay or straight, if the question was even asked. Mostly, they just assumed whatever seemed convenient at the time.

 No one tells Tim about the meaning of the word “Bisexual”, or even about the word itself until he is in college. But he knows how he feels, even though he is lacking the word for it for many years

 Once he finds out, Danny is the first person he tells about it. Tim calls him that same night, sitting in a quiet corner of the dorm as he excitedly tells his little brother that he found a word to relate to himself and his feelings for other people.

 “There are other people who feel that way, Danny. There is nothing wrong with me and there is a word for it!” he tells him in a hushed but excited voice, fumbling on a loose thread in a hole of his jeans. Those trousers have long been frayed into shreds but Tim refuses to part with them.

 His voice is shaking with excitement, and he may or may not be holding back happy tears. This is a big moment for him, and because Danny is literally the best - not just because he answered his phone at fuck-o-clock in the morning when his brother called - he reacts with nothing but support.

 “I might have a few questions, but I love you. No matter what. I’m happy for you.” he tells him, and in that moment, Tim couldn’t be happier or prouder of his younger brother.

 The game of spin the bottle a few years earlier was the one of the first things that taught Tim that he finds many many things to be interested in and attracted to. It taught him that he is attracted to the many different ways people feel, and it hasn’t changed ever since.

 Over the years, Tim finds himself falling in love quick and hard with a number of people, and none of them are ever the same. Each and every person is unique, in their looks and size and voice and feelings - and every single one is loveable just as they are.

     “You        do         have a thing for certain types of voices though.”    Tim thinks, and maybe that is the culprit here, now that he is standing in the library of the Magnus Institute and faced with Jonathan Sims, who looks up at him with one raised eyebrow. Oh shit, has he been staring the entire time?

 Before Tim can think too much about it, or god forbid, overthink it, he hears his mouth blurt out without his brains permission,

 “So do you want to come to lunch later? There is a café not far from here that I’ve never been to.”

 Jon stares back for a moment, like this isn’t something he expected. Truth be told, he didn’t. But just when Tim starts thinking that he’ll decline, Jon nods slowly.

 “Yes, I suppose. Just… Let me know before you’re going. I tend to, well, I tend to get lost a bit when I’m working and chances are I won’t notice how much time has passed.” he explains, and this is probably the first time he said anything personal besides his name.

 “Sure, no problem. I’ll just put a giant sticky note on your monitor.” Tim offers him with a grin and wink, and as he turns around, he could swear that he catches a real smile on Jon’s face.

 Tim actually does put a note on Jon’s screen though. As he was warned, all attempts to verbally get his attention have failed, so Tim scribbles a quick note for Jon.

 The sticky piece of paper is bright pink and obnoxious, and all that Tim has written on it is “Lunch time!” in big bold letters, accompanied by a smiley face. He manages to walk up behind Jon, stick it right in the middle of his computer monitor and get back around to his own desk to gather his jacket and wallet before Jon squints at it through slim, rectangular glasses and blinks a few times before he remembers the conversation from earlier. Then, there is a small hint of a smile on his face, very similar to the one Tim caught in the library earlier.

 He gathers his things and leaves the office with Tim, and the two of them walk next to each other comfortably as they make their way to the café.

 Surprisingly, the lunch break together isn’t nearly as awkward as it could be, or should have been, really. Jon doesn’t talk much at first, and Tim has a feeling he himself is talking way too much without actually saying anything, just so his brain doesn’t drift off into the wrong direction. But then, it’s like the air has left his lungs and there is a minute or two of slightly awkward silence.

 Then, Jon clears his throat and asks,

 “So, did you know that snails can sleep for three years at a time?”

 When Tim, surprised by the question, shakes his head, Jon starts talking about the topic in great detail as he fiddles with the edge of his napkin the whole time. Somehow, this of all things breaks the ice, and Tim finds himself to be able to breathe a little bit easier.

 Even more so, he is enjoying this. He isn’t sure what he expected when he asked Jon to join him for lunch. Maybe it was just the urge for human interaction and to not be alone, which he supposes is fair enough. But he certainly didn’t expect random information about nature phenomenons. All Tim knows is that he feels better after their first break together, and after that, spending the break together becomes A Thing.

 What he learns pretty fast is this: Jon is an info dumper when he feels comfortable enough to do so. As it turns out, Jon isn’t very picky with his topics, either. They range from science phenomena to weird, interesting nature facts and anything else that catches his interest.

 Tim also learns that, if he is in the right company and being asked the right questions, he can hold monologues that could last for hours. He figures that one out when Jon drops a fun fact about 19th century architecture, and without thinking, picks up the loose end of the sentence and continues,

 “Oh, yes, did you know that…” and thus, without even realizing it, Tim spends the entire lunch break talking about it - he is passionate about the topic, but he leaves out the details about the Covent Garden Theatre. It just hurts too much to think about, but other than that, Tim is excited about the topic. He gets so carried away and rambles on and on and on, he only stops when Jon and him get back to the institute. It takes even longer for Tim to catch up and realize that Jon just paid for both lunches while he went off on a monologue about Robert Smirke architecture. But when he tries to pay him back, Jon just waves him off.

 “Don’t worry about it. Besides, your lecture was very interesting, I didn’t want to interrupt.”

 From anyone else, this might have been a dig - but coming from Jon, Tim knows by now, it is a genuine statement that makes him way happier than it should.

 So, their lunch breaks together quickly turn into a tradition,

 Tim isn’t entirely sure what is more surprising; the fact that he manages to get Jon to actually leave his desk for human needs like food and social interaction, or that the two of them are enjoying it so much.

 Sometimes, they go to cafés or restaurants, trying out places that neither of them has been to before. It turns into them picking favourites, and then they become regulars at a small handful of places. Sometimes they simply go on a quick walk to pick up some food, other times they sit down and enjoy being out of the office for a little bit.

  One day, Tim arrives in the office early, and he brings lunch from home for Jon and himself for the first time.

 Tim has spent the previous night wide awake, unable to rest after a nightmare startled him out of a deep sleep. It takes a long time to get his breathing back under control, and very late at night, or very early in the morning, depending how you look at it, Tim gives up on sleep. After hours of useless tossing and turning, he won’t be able to rest, he knows from experience.

 Cursing under his breath, he pulls aside the covers and takes a few deep, shuddering breaths. Exhausted, both in a physical and emotional sense, he scrubs a hand over his face.

 The memories linger, and Tim feels like his whole chest is pulled together with anxiety and grief. Seven months. That’s how long it has been since he found Danny sitting in his dark living room in the middle of the night, crying silent tears as he had no idea what to do besides be there for him and offer comfort. Seven months since he followed his younger brother to the Royal Opera House Covent Garden and had to watch him being torn apart.

 Carefully, Tim forces himself to keep breathing as evenly as possible. In - hold - out - hold - in - rinse and repeat. His hands are shaking, and he tries to force them into stillness as he grips hard at the rumpled bed sheets.

 Attempting to go back to sleep is useless, he knows from experience, and so he makes his way down into the kitchen.

 This house feels too big, too empty without the presence of his little brother. He left a hole in his life, and even though it’s been months since Danny died, Tim hasn’t moved a single one of his possessions. Not yet - it hurts too much.

 Despite having been alone for a while now, Tim is still careful to leave the lights  out in the hallway, walking as quietly as he can in the middle of the night as if there was still someone around he could wake up with his movements. It’s a long standing habit, and he isn’t sure he’ll ever shake it off.

 It’s only when he arrives in the kitchen that Tim switches on the overhead light. It flickers to life, slowly, and the small kitchen is tinted into a warm light. Warm and homely, like this house once was. Now, it just feels painfully empty.

 With a long sigh, Tim makes his way to the sink and fills up a glass with water - his hands are still shaking and he spills a bit onto himself, but he doesn’t care. Caring about it is too much right now, so he focuses on draining the glass empty before refilling it again. He feels dehydrated, but given the night he’s had so far, it isn’t surprising.

 “I need a distraction.” he mumbles, and soon enough, he’s raided the pantry and his refrigerator. Tim pulls  out some pots and pans from the cupboard, scattering everything throughout his kitchen where it’ll be most convenient. The repetitive tasks of cooking have always had a relaxing effect on him, and soon enough, the room is filled with scents and aromas that make his mouth water. Even now, while he is absolutely miserable.

 The casserole ends up being huge. It’s way too much for one person, even one with an appetite. But cooking for one after being used to there being someone else is hard - kind of useless, while you’re already at it.

 Tim has had that problem ever since he’s been cooking on his own, but knowing that Danny will be back to join him again, freshly back from some cave diving or urban exploration or whatever other strange new hobby he’d found at the time.

 Now, Tim is all on his own. He sighs unhappily. Cooking was a good distraction, up until he is painfully reminded that no one is there anymore to share it with. Not here, at least.

 He allows himself a few minutes of quiet greif, seated at the kitchen table with his head in his hands and a lukewarm cup of tea, sitting on the table by his side, almost forgotten.

 By the time the sun is starting to rise, Tim is up and moving again. He has put the casserole in several plastic boxes and packs two of them into his work bag.

 When he arrives at the office, way earlier than he usually does, because what is the point of staying home doing nothing, Tim places one of the boxes at the edge of Jon’s desk.

 Jon seems to be mildly surprised by the early company, and even more so by the plastic box.

 “Oh, Good morning... What is this?” he asks then, mildly curious.

 “Lunch. I was cooking last night and it was way too much. Thought I’d bring some in to share.” Tim forces a smile along with the half-lie, if only to cover how tired he is. He needs coffee.

 The “Thank you” Tim gets in response is equally surprised and genuine, and he tries very carefully to not interpret too much into it. Especially because their shared meal feels a lot more homely and strangely intimate that day. Getting takeout together or sitting somewhere is one thing, but sharing a home-cooked meal is something entirely different, he finds. He also finds that he doesn’t mind it.

 Only a few days later, conveniently when every last bit of the casserole is gone, Tim finds a plastic box that isn’t one of his own sitting on his desk. Curiously, he opens it and finds it filled to the brim with homemade curry, rice and veggies. Even cold, it smells heavenly and makes his mouth water. Tim looks over to the desk opposite of him, where Jon is already typing away like he usually does, but when he looks up and finds Tim smiling brightly at him, he smiles back.

 Something in his chest feels incredibly warm and fluttering.

 One evening, when the two of them get out of the office equally late - Jon because he always does, and Tim because he may or may not have waited for him - they walk to the tube together.

 In a spontanous fit of bravery and “Oh well, fuck it”, Tim carefully rechaes out until his own fingers gently brush against Jon’s as they walk. It’s dark outside, only illuminated by the countless lights that illuminate the shops and pubs and the sides of the street they’re walking along. Tim does so casually and carefully enough to be ignored or taken as a coincidence if needed be, just in case. But then his heart almost stops for a second when after a moment of stiffness, Jon accepts the offer and closes his own fingers around Tim’s.

 His touch is light at first, but then his grip tightens a bit, warm and comfortably so, and it is clear that his heart is in it. Of course it is - the two of them have gotten close in the last few weeks and months. There might have been some wishful thinking on Tim’s end involved - Jon is not always great at picking up social cues, especially romantic ones.

 “That’s fine though” he tells him later, “You’re a huge enough flirt to make it up for the both of us.”

 Jon squeezes his hand, and Tim happily squeezes back as he keeps walking beside him, just a little bit closer than before.

 He can’t help but smile. Something like happiness blooms in his chest, and even though they don’t talk about it the entire way, even though they keep holding hands when they sit next to each other in the tube, they remain this close all the way until their ways separate and they have to get onto a different line each. It feels right, and the sudden loss of touch as their ways separate makes Tim wish it could last - but turning back and running after the other train seems kind of silly now, especially since he’ll see Jon again the very next day.

 This becomes A Thing as well. Touching, that is.

 Holding hands, brushing along each other when they reach for folders or mugs or books in the library. Speaking of which, Tim has learned very quickly that there is      no     way to stop Jon from literally climbing high spaces to reach whatever he needs. As of now, he is long used to watching him scale a bookshelf or kitchen counter, much to his own amusement.

 “Hold on tight, little monkey.” he tells him as he walks past, grinning from ear to ear, knowing full well that he can’t expect more than a scoff and,

 “Oh, shut up.” as a response.

 Tim keeps it up though - because it’s fun and he knows he’s allowed to get away with it. Which can’t be said for anyone else in the institute, not like anyone would have tried as far as he knows. But he is ridiculously proud of it nonetheless. Tim is still cackling to himself when he wraps an arm around the other man’s shoulders and keeps chatting away to him all the way back into the research offices.

 He has always been very openly affectionate, with family, friends and romantic partners or those he’d fancied. It’s part of who he is, and if he is honest with himself, it feels good to have some part of him back that’s always been there. It helps a bit, and even more so since Jon not only happily lets him, he also leans back into the touch. Jon’s attempts at seeking out touch are a lot more subtle than Tim’s, at least at first, but he knows and recognizes it for the sign of trust and comfort that it is.

 That afternoon, there isn’t much time to chat at their desks, but about an hour before they’re supposed to get off, a balled up piece of paper hits Tim’s hand, clearly coming from Jon, but the sneaky bastard isn’t giving indication that he stopped reading at all.

 With a small smile, Tim opens the note. It’s not like Mr.   Workaholic to pass notes on the clock, but then again, he has to give Jon credit for loosening up significantly since the day they met. Or, maybe warmed up to human company is more like it. (He very carefully tries not to think, or more like hope, that it's him in particular Jon has warmed up to so much. But then again, Tim has heard some of their coworkers whisper in astonishment that it’s completely unheard of that Jonathan Sims leaves his desk for breaks or in time in the evenings, let alone interacting with other human beings more than absolutely necessary. Tim also caught the rumors about the two of them being a couple - he’d almost laughed then. He fucking      wishes    .)

 Tim unfolds the note and reads;

     “I have a lot of leftover curry I made last night. Would you like to come over for dinner after work? - J.”  

 This has become A Thing, too. Sharing meals after work and sometimes on the weekends. It alternates where they go, but especially lately, they have preferred to go to either Tim’s house or Jon’s apartment instead of a restaurant. For one, going out to eat on a regular basis is expensive, but also, cooking together or eating the leftovers from a late night cooking binge is a lot more comfortable and homely.

 Sharing a meal and oftentimes a couch with someone fills at least part of the void that Tim finds inside of himself. He is struggling still, but having another human being in his personal space, warm and alive and happy to be there, means the world to him. He’s feeling something again, something that isn’t constant fear or everlasting sadness.

 They watch movies sometimes - it’s not exactly easy to find something that both of them       like    . Their tastes in movies are widely different from each other, so instead, they opt to choose obscure sci-fi movies or anything they can pick apart and make fun of. No horror - they haven’t talked about it, but this is one of the few movie-related things they are in silent agreement over.

 Truth be told, poking fun at bad movies together is much more entertaining than watching anything the normal way.

 They are stuffing their faces with snacks and complain at the protagonists for making very unwise or straight up unrealistic decisions, even in-universe illogical ones. They pick apart plot-points and anything that doesn’t add up  while they share space on the couch, either holding hands or leaning against one another.

 “Oh, of course, give me a break!” Jon grouses as he shakes his hand that is currently holding a few crisps at the TV, annoyed to no end, it seems. In truth, he is      enjoying     this. He enjoys this an awful lot, and so does Tim.

 He laughs out loud and pulls Jon a little closer to his side.

 “Yes, you tell the creepy alien why it’s mere existence even in this fictional universe doesn’t make sense, Love!” He eggs him on, and only realizes the pet name has slipped out of his mouth by the time he notices the deep blush creeping on Jon’s face. Oh shit.

     “Now don’t say anything to fuck this up, for once in you life, just shut up!”    Tim thinks to himself, carefully trying to remain as calm as he can. They’ve been holding hands for ages and they keep cuddling up on the couch - this isn’t anything unexpected, for heaven’s sake. Hell, if Jon were anyone different, they might have ended up in bed already, but Tim is aware that this probably isn’t going to happen anytime soon - or at all, if he isn’t entirely mistaken, based on  the hints and observations. First and foremost the slow and careful way in which their relationship to each other is changing and developing, but then again, he knows what the simple black ring on the middle finger on a person’s right hand usually means.

 Tim doesn’t ask though - he figures that if Jon wants to talk about it, he will do so eventually and at his own pace.

 So, Tim doesn’t push anything and carefully waits for a response. But there isn’t one, or at least nothing verbal. Instead of saying anything, neither to Tim or about the movie, Jon simply scoots a little bit closer to him, leaning against him and doesn’t let go of his hand. Tim takes this as a win and leans his head against the tuft of long black hair that tickles his cheek.

 Both of them relax in an instant, and if they end up falling asleep on the couch, legs a tangled mess and with the TV still on, well, the next morning isn’t nearly as awkward as it might have been once upon a time.

 It takes Tim, way longer than it should to realize that, for the first time in a long while, he didn’t startle awake screaming that night. Company helps. It helps a lot. Just knowing that there is someone else, that he isn’t alone and doesn’t have to wake up to an eerily empty house anymore helps.

 Tim doesn’t fool himself into thinking that everything will magically resolve itself - he knows it won't, especially because his research about the circus isn’t going anywhere yet.

 Sometimes, he feels guilty. Guilty for not spending every waking minute searching for hints, searching for answers to the things that have taken his brother and traumatized him for life. The calmer, logical part of his brain is aware that it doesn’t work like that - he needs a break sometimes, needs the time to himself and spend it with other people…. And goddammit, he deserves to be happy.

 Danny would have kicked his arse if he could hear him think this, would have told him to get a grip and do something that makes him happy. Because this is what scares him sometimes - the happiness, the times where he doesn’t think of the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden or circuses and… Skin. Just the thought alone makes him shudder, but he can’t stop thinking about those memories sometimes.

 “...Are you alright?”

 Tim blinks, not having realized that he must have zoned out. He’s still on the couch, slowly waking up and with Jon tucked somewhere next to him. He doesn’t sound very awake yet, but there is concern in his voice as he fixes Tim with a very direct look.

 “I- yes, just. Zoned out a bit there.” Tim shoots him his best bright smile, hoping he’ll be able to chase away the ghosts. At least for now. He sighs, and happily leans into the touch and hugs back when he can feel a pair of slim arms snaking around his waist. Jon doesn’t say anything, but he seems to pick up that something is bothering Tim. And much like him in emotional situations, Jon doesn’t know what to say. So he remains close and thankfully, this is exactly what Tim needs right now. Just being close to someone he cares a whole lot about, feeling their heartbeat near his own. Being held for a bit. He squeezes Jon in silent gratitude for being there, and hopes he can get across what he can’t say.

 It is Saturday and they have a whole weekend in front of them. After they peel themselves off of the couch, they stumble off to the bathroom after one another and then to the kitchen in an attempt to fuel themselves with tea and breakfast. It’s painfully, beautifully domestic.

 While he is keeping an eye on several pans on the propane stove, Tim is chatting away about something - he isn’t exactly sure himself, except it is something pointless that distracts him from his earlier train of thought. Jon and him are laughing and joking while they drink tea and prepare breakfast together. But after a while it looks like Jon wants to say something, stops himself, and then more of the same all over again.

 Eventually, Tim can’t watch him struggle over it anymore and straight out asks,

 “Hey. What’s going on in that fuzzy head of your’s?”

 It’s true - both of them still have a severe case of bed-heads, and Jon huffs at the question and tries to smooth down a few of the stubborn flyaways around his face. Only very mildly successful.

 “I… Was going to ask something.”

 “Alright? Shoot.” Tim very, very carefully swallows the joke he was about to make in the end - if this is going where he hopes it might, he doesn’t want one god awful pun to be part of the memory of it. So he waits.  

 Jon seems to be bracing himself, and then he turns around to face Tim.

 “I would like to kiss you. Is that okay?” he asks. A simple question, and yet - it means so much. Tim smiles at him, heart beating out of his chest as he steps closer to Jon.

 “Yes, I’d love that.”

 There are only mere inches separating them. Both Jon and Tim cross the last of the distance at once, hands searching for each other. Their fingers are interlacing tightly as soon as they touch, and just a split second later, their lips meet for the first time. There is no rush, nothing in this world that would get them to hurry anything up at this moment. Slowly, they kiss again and again, tasting faintly of the tea they had earlier, but even more so, it feels like comfort. Maybe even a little bit like home.

 A quiet happiness settles deep into them, and something seems to click into place. They are happy, and there is nowhere they’d rather be than anywhere, as long as they can be together.

 After a little while, their hands let go of each other, but only so they can pull one another closer. One of Tim’s hands is cupped around Jon’s cheek, thumb gently stroking over the soft stubble while his other arm remains wrapped around him, hand resting at the small of his back. Jon on the other hand, has to angle his head up a bit due to their height difference, but he doesn’t mind that at all. Both of his arms are wrapped around Tim’s torso, and if it was possible, he would like to remain like this forever.

 Unfortunately for the two of them, life has other plans.

 When the smell of something burning registers with the two of them, they regretfully break apart cursing and laughing as they quickly remove the pans from the heat.

 “That was - good lord, why now of all times?” Breathlessly and more than a little high from happy brain chemicals, they try to get a grip on themselves and on the situation.

 “Just like our luck, isn’t it?” Tim is joking, of course, but still. The timing couldn’t have been worse.

 “This       better     not become a habit.” Jon glares at the charred eggs and smoking pans as if they personally insulted him. He’d been having a good time, but of course something had to happen. Oh well.

 “We’ll just have to make up for it.” Tim winks at him, grinning widely. He doesn’t mean much by it, and he only realizes how that might have come across when Jon awkwardly clears his throat and says,

 “The kissing? Yes, absolutely. Other things… Well, most other things, actually… Not so much. I erm, I should have said that before now, I suppose. But, I’m Asexual.” he chooses his words slowly and deliberately, like he is trying to say them exactly right.

 Tim looks into his eyes, bright green and shining with happiness, but now, there is something else creeping into them. Self-doubt, insecurities - Tim isn’t sure, but he wants to do his best to make the doubts disappear - and apologize for his big mouth.

 “That’s absolutely fine. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that - I wasn’t implying anything else, I promise.”

 Slowly, Jon nods, visibly relaxed now. He asks,

 “So… We’re good?”

 “We are. More than good actually, if you ask me.” Tim finds himself smiling again, which is something he’s been doing so much more lately. Then he tucks away a strand of hair from Jon’s face and kisses him again, just as gentle as before. He is happy to find that he returns the kiss in an instant, pushing close until the two of them end up pressed up against the kitchen table. After they break apart again, they remain standing in an embrace.

 “I like you, Jon. I like you a lot. I love being around you and with you, just for who you are. Yes, I enjoy sex, but I don’t need it. So if you don’t want to, that is okay and it doesn’t make a difference to me. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

 He nearly says, “I love you” but that might be a little early - saying it too early has ruined his relationships in the past, and although what Jon and he have is something different, Tim doesn’t want to risk it.

 But as it turns out, he said the right thing. Jon looks a lot more relaxed than before, and he keeps a loose hold around Tim’s hips.

 “Thank you, Tim, that’s… Very reassuring actually. I’ve been with people who reacted quite a bit differently to this, so” Jon shrugs, but it is clear that this isn’t a happy memory.

 “I appreciate you.” He adds, and Tim pulls him a little bit closer.

 “I’m sorry. These people fucking suck.”

 “That’s one way to put it, yes.” Jon smiles, and pulls Tim down for another, longer kiss. It feels just as intoxicating as before. Then he tells him,

 “And, just for the record. I like you a lot, and spending time with you makes me very happy.

 The giddy happiness stays with them - being freshly in love and being freshly together is exciting. It is a feeling Tim will never get tired of. The thing is, being together with Jon doesn’t change a whole lot - they are still on opposite desks from each other at work, they still spend their lunch breaks together and Tim actually manages to get Jon to leave the office at 5pm these days,  instead of late at night like he did for the longest time. They still have dinner together most days and they often spend their weekends together. All of these are things they did before, but now, it still feels… Different.

 Then of course, there are the casually affectionate touches throughout the day. They’d like to think that they’re being more discreet here, but then again, at least Tim has never been shy about throwing arms around people or bumping shoulders or anything like that. In fact, people would probably get concerned and suspicious if he stopped doing any of it.

 The point is: they keep it down to normal levels at work, but they seem to be glued together whenever they’re off the clock. Whether they hold hands, hug, kiss, bump shoulders, hips, arms or hands, or sometimes simply nap stacked on top of each other, they are always touching in some way. Both of them soak up the contact like sponges, and they know without having even talked about it in detail that they spent quite a bit of time lonely and touch starved before… This. Their relationship.

 Waking up with one another in the mornings is probably Tim’s favourite part of all. Holding onto each other with their legs tangled together, hands searching for warm skin to rest on and heads pillowed on each other's shoulder or chest. Sharing breaths of air - all of this feels wonderful and intimate in it’s own way, and he can’t get enough of it.

 Waking up in the morning is a peaceful thing. But some nights, unfortunately, are not. Both of them have nightmares on a regular basis. They find that they generally sleep better when they are not alone, and having someone to hold close or bury into when the lingering horrors hit, helps significantly.

 Some nights, it’s Jon who startles awake in the middle of the night, eyes wide and chest heaving as he frantically looks around himself until he realizes where he is, or until Tim wakes up and mumbles quiet reassurances into his hair as he holds him close until the tremors have calmed down.

 If they’re lucky, they manage to fall back asleep after a while, but if not, they simply stay awake, cuddled up under soft blankets and they just talk. Their topics of conversation vary widely, ranging from silly, lighthearted distractions to things they did or experienced in their past, as well as heartfelt conversations that are about much more than just that.

 Tim himself has his fair share of nightmares as well, ever since he lost Danny. And even though having Jon close by and being held at night helps to keep them at bay sometimes, there are still nights where he startles awake either screaming or crying or both.

 The first time it happens, Tim wakes up terrified and tangled in the sheets. His shirt clings to the cold sweat that is running down his back and his breath comes out in irregular, shaky bursts.

     A dimly lit circus arena, old and dusty with centuries of dirt. Tim can’t move. It’s like he is rooted to the spot, and yet, his legs won’t stop shaking. He is shivering from the cold - no surprise, since he ran out in nothing but his pyjamas earlier, and this place is surprisingly freezing for a hot August night. Tim can feel the cold, but more so than anything, he is absolutely terrified.  

     He wants to scream, to run, do anything but stand here - but it’s impossible. The crumpled form of his brother - or the        Thing         that pretends to be Danny - sits motionless and hunched over, no matter how much Tim tries to call out for him. Not a single word leaves his throat, even though his vocal cords hurt from the strain he’s been putting on them. But Danny doesn’t hear him - can’t hear him.  

     From out of the shadows, Tim can see… Something. It looks like a clown, but it’s wrong. Too long, too folded up to be human. It drags itself across the floor slowly and grotesquely, like a creature from a horror movie, up until it stops. Unlike a movie creature though, this is very much reality.  

     Breathing is hard, and Tim wants to force his body to move, but still, there is nothing he can do. Part of him wants to believe that this… Place, this        Thing         is influencing his ability to move somehow, but then again, he might just as well be paralyzed by fear.  

     The clown moves forward, right towards Danny. As it unfurls itself, it is clear that there are smears of blood all over its face, red and bold and dripping wet.  

     “Shall I?” it asks, with a voice that is playful in the worst possible way. Too happy, and way too sinister. Tim can’t even answer, still unable to talk or move or do anything, but he can feel the bile rise in his throat. He wants to grab Danny and run, but knows he can’t. He wants to scream, cry or throw up, anything but watch the scene unfolding in front of him.  

     None of this happens though.  

     Instead, Tim is forced to stand motionless and helpless, watching in agony and horror as the clown moves much more quickly than he could have anticipated. It’s not as much that he can actually see the movement, but Tim can feel it. He can feel the breeze of air on his face, and just a split second later, it has removed the entirety of Danny’s skin. His limp, bloody and bare form slumps forward, and it is only then that Tim actually starts screaming.  

         He is screaming his head off,  loud, desperate and terrified. Tim is shaking like a leaf. Breathing is impossible, and it takes him way too long to realize that in order to breathe, he needs to calm down for just a second. It takes even longer for him to realize that he is at home, safely in bed and long out of this situation. But Danny… Danny is just as dead.

 Between ragged, forced breaths, Tim is curling in on himself, unable to register that Jon has woken up and is talking to him in a low, concerned voice. He tries to get his partner to calm down at least a bit, afraid he’ll end up hyperventilating from panic.

 Tim doesn’t register any of it. He can’t make out Jon’s gentle voice trying to bring him back, doesn’t register the light, careful touch on his arm in an attempt to soothe without scaring him further. Tim curls himself into a tight, shaking ball without noticing any of it.

 After the first initial panic, there is a brief moment of silence, but after that, he breaks. Ragged breath turns into uncontrollable, hiccuping sobs and it is only then that Tim realizes the familiar pair of arms slipping around him in a protective embrace. He uncurls just enough to be able to hug back and let Jon slip closer to him, which he does as soon as humanly possible. Tim clings onto him for dear life as Jon curls himself around him in what must be an uncomfortable or at least awkward position, but this is the last thing on his mind.  All Jon cares about right now is making sure that Tim is okay, or at least, as okay as he can be.

 Their bodies are pressed flush together, tightly enough for them to feel each other's rapidly beating hearts hammering out of their chests. Tim tries to focus on that, tries to focus on the carefully even rhythm of breath that Jon attempts to get him to follow.

 His presence is constant, warm and comforting. Tim can feel his weight on top of himself, the hold of his arms around him. Strands of hair and warm breath on his neck are a familiar sensation as well, something he’s been getting used to lately. Even more so, it is something that Tim loves and associates with home by now. And while the fear and pain caused by his nightmare are still very much lingering, he is able to relax in order to calm down eventually. Slowly but surely, a little bit over the course of - he doesn’t even know how long.

 Time has lost all meaning at this point. It might take him minutes or hours to breathe normally again, and at some point, Tim realizes that the steady stream of talking, besides the quiet attempts to comfort and assure him, are actually bits and pieces of random information. Anything to keep talking and keep up a steady presence, Tim supposes, but he is eternally grateful for it. He shifts a bit, arms still wrapped tightly around Jon, although he’s stopped clinging as much by now. He stretches out a little bit without letting go of their embrace - everything hurts from holding himself so tense for so long. Then Tim pulls the both of them onto their side so they can cuddle properly.

 Gentle hands keep running through his messy mop of purple hair, blunt nails scratching against his scalp. Tim leans into it, soaking up the touch like a sponge. He’s stopped shaking now, he notices, and he registers a lot more sensations than he did before.

 Little sounds around the house, wind outside, the occasional car. Most of all, he registers all the different little touches from Jon, and the way he keeps talking to him even now.

 After a while, he leans in to kiss Tim’s forehead, thumbs wiping away a few stray tears. It seems like the worst of the storm is over by now, but Jon stays close. He’s never seen Tim in such a state, and it worries him to no end. At least it looks like he isn’t in severe panic anymore.

 “Do you want to talk?” Jon asks quietly, but all Tim can manage is shake his head. It's not like he      could    talk right now if he tried. He doesn't trust his voice, knowing it will break, which is probably going to set him off again and he's not ready to face that.

 Maybe, a part of him wants to talk about what happened. Sure, it is going to hurt regardless, whenever he decides he is ready for it, but there is no doubt that it will help to get it off of his chest. But Tim doesn’t know how he is supposed to talk about the horrors he's witnessed. Where would he even start? How does he explain all of it without sounding - well.

 “That’s alright.” Jon tightens his hold around Tim as he shifts a little bit, without letting go, so he can rest his head on top of Tim’s. There is a quiet, almost suffocating sadness radiating off of him, and even though he doesn’t know what happened that got him into this state, Jon offers him all the support he can, in any way he knows how. Physical touch seems to help a lot, thankfully. That, he can do forever.

 “I’m here for you. Whatever it is you need, I’m here.”

 The sun is starting to rise on the horizon, but Tim and Jon remain in bed, wrapped up around each other just like before. Birds are starting to sing outside, even before the first rays of the morning sun tint the room into a low light.

 “I love you. I’m here for you, and I love you.”

                             Notes:

[taexual]

Pineapples / I.M x Reader

Changkyun has had a crush on you for years but he was sort of terrible at flirting. And yet, who could have known that a debate on whether fruit belonged on pizza would finally lead to some long-overdue confessions?

pairing: best friend!Changkyun x Reader

warnings: crackhead best friends, strong language (also some unnecessary hatred for rom-coms 🙄)

words: 3.3k

REQUEST: Ohhhhhhhh what about a monsta x I.M bit whefe the reader and him get into a fight about something stupid, but both parties get upset and when she tries to leave, trips out the door and falls?

In the few years that you’ve known Changkyun, you’ve already managed to see nearly all sides of him, so there was little that could surprise you. And yet, recently, you’ve learned that surprising you seemed to be precisely what he had in mind. For the past few months, every single day, he’d do or say something that took you completely off-guard and seemed to shatter whatever beliefs you’d held about him.

You figured he was going through something, or maybe trying out something new – otherwise, why would he suddenly try to drag you to the newest rom-com in the cinemas when you knew he hated romance films as much as you did? – but you’d yet to discover his real reasons for this abrupt change in behavior.

And then, as the two of you returned to your place after catching the – predictably – disappointing film, you realized that you may never get to the bottom of his new personality because you simply couldn’t go on being friends after he ordered two Hawaiian pizzas without asking for your opinion first.

“You’re trying to kill me,” you told him, picking up the delivery menu to have a look at it for yourself. “I swear. It’s like you’re purposefully making me suffer tonight.”

“Suffer?” he repeated, genuinely in disbelief. “Pineapples are great. They—”

“Well, yeah, but they don’t belong on pizza.”

“W-what? Why not?” Changkyun asked because he could specifically remember you drunkenly calling him one night and confessing your love for pineapples. “I thought you liked them.”

“No, I do. It’s a great fruit,” you said and then gave him a how-could-you-not-get-this-it’s-so-obvious type of look. “But it’s a fruit.”

“So?” he retorted. “Tomato is a fruit.”

You could distinctly recall having had this conversation with someone else before and just the memory was almost enough to make you shudder – why would anyone ever defend pineapple pizza? – as you gave your best friend a suspicious once-over.

“You’ve been acting weird lately,” you finally said. “I thought you were just going through something, so I didn’t say anything. But now you look like you’re honestly about to force-feed me pineapple pizza, so I know something must have possessed you.”

Changkyun was positively shaking now. He had a hard time believing that the actions he’d perceived as a subtle form of seduction were, really, making him come off as weird and even possessed.

Thanks, Jooheon. He was never going to ask for his advice ever again.

“Okay, that makes no sense,” he said defensively. “I’m not going through anything. I’m just—I don’t know, I thought you’d like pineapples on pizza. It would make sense since you like those two separately.”

“I also like French fries and Nutella,” you said pointedly. “Doesn’t mean I’d eat them together.”

He didn’t look disgusted by the thought of it at all. “Well, actually—”

You were already groaning as soon as he opened his mouth. “Shit, Kyun! Seriously, what’s happened to you?”

“Nothing!” he countered, his voice matching your exasperation because, oh, God, why did he have to try so hard to show you what an ideal boyfriend he’d make? He should’ve known it would never work. “I just—I was trying to broaden your perspective on life.”

“I’m pretty sure you just hate me.”

“Hate you?” he repeated in a voice far too high-pitched to sound normal. Clearing his throat, he continued in a normal tone, “I don’t hate you. Why would I—?”

The doorbell rang then, cutting him off. You glanced towards the hallway, a pout forming on your lips as you realized it must have been the pizza delivery.

“You better get the door,” you told him. “Since it looks like I’ll be starving tonight.”

“Oh, come on,” Changkyun said, not giving up. “You’ve never even tried it before. How can you oppose something so strongly without having experienced it first?”

“I’ve never been punched in the face,” you retorted, “but I still know it would suck if I did.”

“Pizza,” he said, extending one hand, “face punching,” he added, extending another. “Two very different things.”

“And yet pineapple on pizza sucks more.”

“Why don’t you just try it?”

“Why don’t you just punch me in the face instead?”

He threw his head back against the back of the couch, closing his eyes in defeat. “God, you make it really hard for me sometimes.”

“Hard? I’m not the one who ordered—” the doorbell rang again. You groaned. “Just get the door, please!”

“Why would I get the door?” Changkyun opened his eyes, giving you a frustrated look. “It’s your house!”

“You’re the one who ordered that abomination!” you argued.

He was losing his patience and he could no longer control his sarcasm as he purposefully teased, “that’s not a very nice way to refer to the delivery guy.”

“I’m not—you know very well I mean the thing you call pizza.”

“Don’t be so difficult,” he said.

“Get the door,” you shot back.

He had his conditions. “Are you going to try it?”

“Of course not!” you replied with no hesitation, protesting like a very proud baby. “It’s disgusting.”

Changkyun scoffed because he was a baby, too. “Then I’m not—”

Another ring of the doorbell. More intense this time.

“God. Coming!” you called out, standing up from the couch and giving your best friend a hard look. “I don’t know what the hell you’ve been trying to do lately but, clearly,  you’re succeeding. I’m losing all my respect for you.”

That seemed to be the last straw. He didn’t expect to react this intensely to this one statement – you’ve already threatened him with loss of respect countless of times before but it was always over the most trivial things; granted, you thought this was another one of such things, too – and yet he couldn’t hold himself back.

“Why? Because I’m trying really hard to do the things that you are supposed to enjoy?” he demanded, words spilling out automatically. “Because I’ve literally asked all of my friends for advice on what girls even like?”

Confused, you looked at him over your shoulder. “What—”

“Or is it because I have read every single magazine article, describing the things that makes a guy the perfect boyfriend?” Changkyun continued, standing up now. He sounded aggressive. Eager. “You’re losing your respect for me because I’m trying too hard, yeah? Because you think something’s gotten into me? Well, I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to be doing for you to understand that I’m just fucking in love with y—shit, watch out for the—!”

It was nice of him to warn you in the middle of his rant but it was too late.

The sudden confession that passed your best friend’s lips was exactly what made you completely forget the layout of your own house and smack your shoulder right into the wall next to the doorway as you were walking through it.

You hit it with such vehemence that the force made you stumble backwards in surprise. Before you knew it, you were losing your balance and there was nothing for you to grab on to.

You’d have fallen – really, truly tumbled down in the most embarrassing of ways – but Changkyun, despite having made some questionable decisions lately, proved to still have a very rational mind. He leaped forwards, pushing his body against yours so your back hit his chest and then wrapping his arms around your waist before you could slide down onto the floor.

“Shit,” you exhaled, your mind a mess and your heart a competitive runner in the Olympics. “I-I—”

“You okay?” Changkyun asked, feeling every single beat of your heart against his own chest and dying a little each time. “Does your shoulder hurt?”

You laughed awkwardly.

“N-not as much as my pride,” you replied. Blinking your eyes, you pushed yourself off of him – and almost stumbled right back into him again because he took a moment too long to release his grip on your waist – and brought your hand through your hair. “The pizza. I’ll go get the—where’s my wallet? It was in my bag. And my bag is—”

You were looking around your hallway frantically, completely disoriented and beyond confused.

“I’ll get the door,” Changkyun said, noticing your distress and, contrary to what one might expect from someone who’d just confessed to a year-long crush, behaving completely calmly. “You go find an ice patch for your arm.”

“No, it’s fine, I—” you tried to protest but he gently pushed past you and finally opened the door to face a very frustrated delivery boy. The poor guy must have been waiting for at least ten minutes.

Changkyun apologized politely, gave him a generous tip, and then took the boxes of pizza inside while you watched, still completely out of it.

He made no attempts to return to your previous conversation, let alone to repeat his confession, so the two of you remained in silence for a good while, your shoulders and hips pressed against each other when you returned to your side-by-side spots on your couch.

He opened the pizza boxes, took out a slice, and tried it. After considering the taste for a moment, he shrugged to himself and passed one of the slices to you.

In your defense, you were far too overwhelmed with emotion – and pain, as your shoulder began to throb – to even begin to understand why you didn’t protest.

You took the slice of pizza from him.

Hell, you were so far beyond yourself, that you even took a bite.

And, God forgive, it didn’t taste awful at all.

It was an unusual sensation, sure, but it wasn’t as horrible as you’d imagined it to be. You even found yourself taking another bite, the foreign sweet-and-sour taste lighting your senses up.

Changkyun watched you experiment with different speeds of chewing – and he couldn’t help but smirk because he knew that if you hadn’t liked the taste, you wouldn’t have hesitated to spit it out – but he didn’t say anything, gloating in silence.

“Okay,” you finally dared to say when the two of you were already halfway done with one of the pizzas. “Can I say something?”

Suddenly, the memory of his confession right before you walked into a wall stabbed at his mind and he stopped chewing to clear his throat in hopes of covering up his flustered state. He tried to play it all off, however, not wanting to get ahead of himself.

“Of course,” he said.

“But promise not to tell anyone, okay?” you asked.

He would start hyperventilating any second now, he could feel it. “Okay.”

You took a deep breath, the next words extremely difficult – almost impossible, really – to say. “Pineapple on pizza isn’t actually that bad.”

Changkyun watched you for a moment after your confession. He noticed how broken up you looked – almost like you were abandoning every belief you’d held by admitting this – but, clearly, that wasn’t what he’d expected to hear from you and he didn’t quite know how to respond.

“C-can I say something else?” you asked then, replying to his silence.

“Yeah,” he spoke slowly, already waiting for you to admit that you were going to give French fries and Nutella a try next.

These next words seemed to come a lot easier for you. “I think I’m in love with you, too.”

You’d thought about your feelings for him before – even dreamed about this – but you never imagined saying these words out loud. Clearly, Changkyun had never imagined hearing you say this, either.

“Y-you—wait,” he turned to you, reading your face with eyes that were suddenly desperate. He needed clarification or he was going to scream. “You think?”

You looked away, breaking the eye contact. “You’re making me eat pineapple on pizza. I’m not too sure of my feelings right now.”

Changkyun could not believe you were still on that. “You just said you liked it!”

“I said it wasn’t that bad!” you protested.

“That’s the same thing!”

“No, it’s not,” you refused to agree. “What would you do if I told you I thought you weren’t that bad?”

“Honestly?” he almost laughed at the absurdity of your question. “Leap out of that window in joy.”

You didn’t understand. “What—”

“Because I’ve had feelings for you for so long now, any compliment you’ve ever given me has added five years to my life,” he explained with a face so straight and completely void of any doubt that you could almost feel your entire body shut down.

“It’s—no, okay, don’t—that was very unnecessary,” you stuttered.

Speaking was a challenge all of a sudden. Even breathing seemed to be nearly impossible but the stinging of your lungs was the least of your problems. It was your heart you were worried about. You hadn’t prepared for it to start beating so hard tonight.

You’d have never guessed that the reason why Changkyun was acting as if he’s been replaced by some extraterrestrial entities, was because he was, actually, looking for ways to deal with his feelings for you. Looking for ways to make those feelings obvious.

Because it’s been so long. He’s had feelings for you for so long.

Your heart was definitely not going to get through tonight.

“I meant it,” Changkyun added after a moment, his gaze lingering on the floor of the room. “It’s been a while.”

Inhaling deeply – you thought that relieving your lungs from the pain caused by a lack of oxygen would make it easier for you to keep talking about this – you tried to ask, “w-why didn’t you say anything before? Why do all of this—”

“I wanted to prove to you that I’d make a good boyfriend,” he said simply and you swore you’ve never seen him this shy before in your whole life, “much better than just a best friend.”

“You’re, uh—” you started to say but then realized that confessing your love had somehow come easier than admitting how much you valued your friendship with him, “you’re a pretty great best friend.”

He gave you a look – but he was smiling now because how could he not smile? – and wiped his hands on his dark blue jeans. “I’d say I’m a pretty phenomenal best friend, but who’s asking.”

Huh.

Just like that, his initial shyness disappeared.

He was most certainly something else and he was going to be the death of you.

“Right, sure,” you scoffed, returning to banter now that he seemed to have gone back to his old self. “A phenomenal best friend would have known that taking me to see romantic films in the cinema is of no use.”

Changkyun greeted your jab with dignity. “Yeah. I fully blame Jooheon for that one. He obviously didn’t know what he was talking about and I-I just went with it. I should have known you wouldn’t like that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?” you asked, only glancing at him now that he’d lifted his gaze because you were afraid you’d lose all control of yourself if your eyes met. “I thought we had no secrets between us.”

“We don’t,” he confirmed and then exhaled slowly, this vulnerable admission relieving a heavy weight from his chest, “I just… I didn’t want to be rejected.”

“You may be an exceptional best friend—stop smirking every time I say that—but you’re pretty clueless as a guy,” you told him.

He was laughing, unafraid to show how much he cherished every positive thing you said about him, but he stopped as soon as you finished speaking. “Wait. Why?”

Finally, you looked at him. Really looked at him, allowing your eyes to meet and stay locked on each other for much longer than just a second.

“I’ve liked you, too, Kyun,” you said and it was like he’s been dead this whole time and you’d just brought him to life. “For as long as I can remember.”

He couldn’t believe all this time you’d wasted as he countered, quoting you, “why didn’t you tell me anything, then?”

You looked down again, realizing the hypocrisy of your question now. “I didn’t think you felt the same way.”

And that was it. The sole reason why it took you both so long to act on your feelings.

It was fear. Doubt. Pride.

You had too much pride to allow yourself to open up and reveal what was behind those walls you’d put up even for your closest friends. And, were it not for an argument blown so far out of proportion, you couldn’t even remember what started it anymore, this pride would have absolutely suffocated you both, and you’d have died, never knowing that just one second of vulnerability could have resulted in hours—years, even—of happiness.

“Can I ask you something?” Changkyun spoke up, breaking the tense silence of the room. “It’s actually something that I’ve wanted to ask you since I first saw you.”

“Yeah, of course,” you agreed, not even considering it. You’d already confessed to all the deepest feelings you’d kept hidden inside, so there wasn’t much left that you couldn’t reveal now.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, his eyes burning so brightly, you were nearly blinded when you looked at him.

“Oh,” you swallowed, your stomach exploding into swarms of energetic butterflies. “T-that’s what you’ve wanted to ask me?”

He nodded, sheepish again.

“Yes,” you said, barely managing to restrain yourself when he lowered his eyes to your lips. “Please.”

It had taken you years to admit your feelings to each other, but it only took Changkyun half a second to take your breath away as he pressed his lips to yours.

It was a gentle kiss, tentative even. He only pulled away from it for another half a second before looking at you – and getting the permission he needed from your eyes – and kissing you again, harder this time as his hands came to rest on both sides of your face. 

His tongue brushed over your lower lip – slowly and hesitantly – but when you leaned into him, slightly parting your lips, he finally deepened the kiss, tilting his head to create a better rhythm of your mouths as they moved against each other.

His taste and the warmth of having him so close was enough to overwhelm you and you thought you’d turn into a mere puddle if he didn’t pull away, so you wrapped your hands around his neck for support and ended up bringing your body closer to his. Naturally, Changkyun responded by sighing into the kiss, his hands sliding down to your shoulders, then down your ribs, until they landed on your waist and both of your hearts were suddenly on fire.

You thought you couldn’t breathe as you kissed him, but then you felt him hold onto you tighter – as if you’d pull away if he let go – and it was like his touch provided you with the oxygen you needed.

You weren’t losing yourself in him, not at all.

You were already beyond lost.

“You taste like pineapples,” you told him quietly when you pulled away after a minute, your hands still around his neck.

Changkyun gave you a questionable look, panting as he tried to recover from the effect your kisses had on him. “I thought you liked them.”

“I don’t,” you replied, leaning in to press another soft kiss to his lips and then saying the words he’d been waiting to hear, “I love them.”

masterlist / ask (requests are closed)

[ink-and-flame]

Kinktober Day 10: Better than the Day Job

Kinktober Day 10 Prompts: Prostitution (actual) ~ Hairbrush spankings ~ Over the-knee spanking Fandom: Bright Tags: Exophilia, Prostitution, male escort, spankings, first time, bdsm, reader fic Pairing: Orc/Human, Nick/Reader

[Author’s note: Look. I don’t know why I am like this, I just am. I am why we can’t have nice things. It has been a while since I have done a reader fic, so please excuse any issues with tense.]

The world was a strange and scary place sometimes. You lived your life, kept your head down, worked to keep yourself afloat, took freelance jobs where you could just to make some extra cash, and tried to stay out of trouble. The neighborhood you were in wasn’t the best, but it also wasn’t the worst. It was, however, all that you could afford. The best you could do, an apartment above a shop. The noise wasn’t so bad late at night, the weekends were a bit stressful though as it was crowded and sometimes leaving your place made you nervous with all the people hanging around.

After time, you had begun to recognize the jerseys and the jackets. That specific color of orange, it was the local orc clan turned gang. You didn’t really know much about the Fogteeth, you knew enough to know to just leave them be. They really hadn’t been in your area when you moved in, now you couldn’t throw a rock without hitting one. Not that you would, you weren’t eager to get shot for throwing rocks, plus it was kind of rude. 

You had never had any issues with orcs in the past, and gang or no gang, you weren’t about to start now. You figured if you left them alone, they would leave you alone, and so far that had worked out beautifully. They still made you nervous, but the reality was that almost any group or crowd kind of did.

It took time to get used to all the staring, hearing them speak their own language, knowing they were probably saying things about you as you walked by. Or maybe you were paranoid, maybe they were just talking about their days, or sharing recipes. Still, when they stared and then spoke to each other, it felt like it was about you and you just had to pretend not to notice. 

Life was weird, but it wasn’t unpleasant. There were still some things missing from your life, and while you could ease some of the loneliness with online chat and meeting up with friends, they couldn’t really help you with all of it. You didn’t have a friend with benefits option to go to, and even if you did, what you were seeking was something you weren’t sure you wanted your friends to even know about. 

Again, you blamed the internet. Reading erotic stories had always been a pleasant way for you to spend some alone time, but the further down that rabbit hole you fell, the more interested you became. The kink stories had slowly, over time, become your favorite and you had been fantasizing for months about strong hands holding you down. Of orders being given and rough sex. Spanking in particular had gotten you to squirming more often than not, even your dreams were filled with it. While you had no practical experience, your mind was happy to try and fill in the gaps, which was how you ended up where you were now.

There were some things in life you had never done before, lots of things actually, but the one thing you thought you would never actually do is hire an escort. Which really was just a fancy word for prostitute, but it still helped the idea go down a little better in your head. This was much easier than cruising down the street, and the website promised discreet sessions with trained professionals. You felt that going through a service was going to be safer than trying to pick up a stranger and hoping they weren’t a murderer in disguise. 

Their website was nice, professional looking, and quite well organized. You could search by a variety of criteria based on what was most important to you. Skipping over gender and race, you looked for anything that would filter by kink. It took a bit to find what you were looking for, mostly because you were still learning the technology. Each profile had a picture, though because your internet was being a bit slow, not every picture was loading or loading fully. At the end of the day, looks didn’t matter, you wanted something specific and that was what was important. 

Scrolling through the options you wavered back and forth between a nice female domme, and a male dom. Both had their advantages. A woman might be a bit more understanding of your first time, but that wasn’t guaranteed. In the end you went with male, because that's where your fantasies had gone. You wanted big strong hands manhandling you. Filtering on just the male profiles you had narrowed it down to two. After removing the sadists, as you just weren’t ready for that much pain. You were stuck between two that listed themselves as sensual dominants with the option for daddy dominant scenes. 

All in all it was a little confusing, you had no idea what all the different types of dominants really meant, and at the end of the day, sensual sounded right to you. You didn’t want someone that was too much into pain, this was your first time after all. After flitting back and forth you flipped a coin, random was better than no choice at all and since neither picture would load you couldn’t use appearance as a tie breaker. 

Jak Blackburn it was, which was a strange way to spell a name but it was probably supposed to be Jack and ended up being misspelled or was just an unusual spelling. It was likely that this wasn’t this guys actual name. Chances were he wanted some privacy. If you were an escort you certainly wouldn’t use your real name. 

Now you just had to book the session and hope you didn’t chicken out and cancel it. Which you almost did the moment after you saw it processing which forced you to step away from your computer. It only took a couple of minutes to receive a notification on your phone confirming that your payment method was valid and offering a list of scheduling options. You were surprised to see a block of time available later this evening. Were you really ready so soon?

Surprisingly, you guessed you were since you clicked it and confirmed it. Your method of payment would not be charged until after the session. You would have to provide confirmation of services received, but they required a valid payment method on file in the event that someone might try to get out of paying. You weren’t too worried, though you hoped the charge showed up as something discreet on your bank statement. You really did not want to have to explain that if anyone should ever see it. 

Feeling nervous you decided to clean up your place, in a mad panicked rush. Not that it was crazy messy, but it was a little cluttered and you were embarrassed by the thought of some stranger judging how you lived your life. After that you decided on a shower to freshen up, that would leave you only a few minutes to get dressed, but you weren’t worried about what to wear as you assumed you wouldn’t be wearing it long. Or that seemed like it would be the plan. 

Settling on an oversized tshirt and some shorts you sat on your couch sipping a drink as you stared at your phone. Part of you hoped he cancelled, part of you were afraid he might. You were excited and nervous, so much so that when the doorbell rang you almost tossed your drink across the room. As it was you only spilled it a little bit. Setting down the glass you got up and went to the door opening it. 

Of all the things you had been expecting, the tall orc in a suit was not it. There was something about him, something unusual but also familiar. It nagged at you, tugging at your mind, but you couldn’t quite place it. Realizing you were just staring you stepped aside and gestured him in. Your face was flush with embarrassment. 

“You seem surprised?” 

His voice was deep, quiet, gentle sounding. Closing the door you turned to him and nodded. “Sorry,  I didn’t mean to stare. I have been having issues with my internet and the pictures on the profiles weren’t loading for most of them.”

He looked surprised and his body language changed. “We can cancel at no charge. You should have informed them of the issue. I fully understand.”

He was so polite but you were a little confused. “I don’t need to cancel. I didn’t go into this with any kind of ideal in mind. Looks really aren’t what is important to me. Would you like to sit down so we can discuss?”

The orc nodded and sat on the chair near the couch. He set his bag on the floor and looked at you, his expression guarded, but gentle. He didn’t look angry, more confused than anything. You smiled awkwardly at him as you sat down and pulled your legs under you. 

“So, um, this is something I have never done before. Uh, hiring an escort I mean. Well I haven’t really done any of it before and this seemed like the most logical course? I know that sounds weird but I felt that going through a website and trying to hire a professional was safer than trying to meet some rando off the internet from some dating app or chat room and hope he actually knew what he was doing, and wasn’t a murderer or something.”

“That makes sense. You chose a good site. Everyone on it has to go through a vetting process. If you are concerned I have some credentials here I can show you.” 

Shaking your head you smiled. “The profiles were pretty thorough and linked to several pieces of documentation. I am certain that you can do what your profile says you can do, or I get my money back.”

Jak nodded and braced his forearms on his knees and leaned forward. “Since you didn’t know I was an orc, I know this isn’t that. So what am I here for? I don’t want to make any assumptions, but I brought enough of a variety of items with me that we should be ok, but I can also improvise.”

“Um, well, see.” Now you were feeling shy and nervous all over again. “I um. I want someone to spank me. I mean I want other things, but I feel like maybe I should start there before I get too crazy you know?” Well it was out. The cat was no longer laying comfortably in the bag. 

Jak smiled, a soft smile. “I see, I can do that. Are you wanting any kind of sexual contact or just the spanking?” 

“Oh.. uh.” Well that was not the question you thought you would struggle with. You looked him over and found that he was attractive to you. Not that you had ever really looked at an orc that way, but you hadn’t exactly not looked either. They tended to be tall, muscular, strong, those were ideal, but with Jak, it was simply his eyes. Despite the situation, his eyes held genuine kindness. Part of you wanted to know him, the real him, and not what you were paying for.  “Do I have to decide right now?”

“It would help. There can be a sexual aspect to spanking and it would help me to know if you want any kind of sexual contact at all, or just the spanking with no other kind of touch.”

“OH. ok, I thought you meant like penetrative sex type sexual contact. Um. I don’t know? I honestly don’t even know if I will like being spanked.” You shrugged looking a little embarrassed. 

Jak rolled his shoulders and took a deep breath. “Ok, we will need to take this very slow and keep it simple. Instead of a safe word we will use color code. Red means full stop, the scene ends and does not continue. Yellow is pause, green is good to go after a pause. I will need to warm you up first. That means clothing stays on, and I will strike you gently through your clothes before we work up to clothes coming  off.” The orc paused. “Would you be willing to tell me the rest of the fantasy, or what made you decide to finally try?”

“Oh, well I guess I just have been having these dreams for the last few months and they have been making me a little crazy. I don’t want to be in control. I want to be held down, to feel strong hands touching me. I want it rough and to feel maybe a little bit helpless.” Your face was bright red now and you were fidgeting a bit while not making eye contact. “I know, it is probably super cliche and silly, but that is what brought me to this decision.”

“I don’t think it is weird, and I am flattered that you chose me, even without seeing me. I hope that I can help you fulfill some of your fantasies and needs.” Jak leaned down and grabbed his bag. “Would you like to move this to the bedroom?”

Standing up you lead Jak to your bedroom and sat on the bed looking up at him. He really was quite tall and built. The suit somehow just made him look more imposing and while you still couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe you knew him, you also weren’t sure you cared. He didn’t seem to recognize you, or if he did he hid it well, so whatever this familiarity was, it wasn’t going to be an issue. 

Sitting on the bed with you he reached out and grasped your hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “Jak is the name I use for this, it isn’t my real name. Normally I don’t give my real name out, but you seem like a trustworthy person and I would actually like to hear you using my real name if you are comfortable with it.”

This was a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. Somehow you had made him feel comfortable with you and you were now curious what his name could be. Maybe that would give you the clue you needed to know who he was. “Of course, and I will keep it confidential, along with everything else we do tonight.”

“My name is Nick, and I appreciate the discretion.” 

Nick, well that really didn’t narrow anything down. It didn’t really help at all, it only made that feeling that you should know stronger. Deciding to ignore it you squeezed his hand. “Well it is nice to meet you Nick, you can call me anything you want to.” You laughed and blushed covering your face with your free hand. 

“Well then, I suppose I will just have to call you princess.” His voice was soothing as he pulled you closer up into his lap. His large hand rubbing your back in a soothing motion. “Would you like to lay across my lap for this sweetheart?”

You nodded swiftly, not trusting your voice and squeaked a bit when he easily flipped you onto your stomach and draped you across his legs. He hadn’t even strained himself, and you weren’t exactly a waif or light. Your thighs squeezed together at the thought of just how strong he really was. 

When he said he would start slow, he clearly meant it. The strikes were slow and gentle at first. He seemed to know how to control his strength well enough that at first it barely felt like a tap. Soon enough you were feeling warm and squirming in his lap. So far it had been rather pleasant and your mind was running away with possible scenarios on how this night could go from here. 

“I think we are ready to remove some clothing don’t you princess?” 

“Yes sir?” Your voice was hesitant, you weren’t sure how to respond or if it was even right to call him sir. He did make an almost growling sound so you couldn’t gauge off that, but maybe it was a good sound. 

You wiggled off his lap and stripped down to just your shirt and underwear. “Is this ok?”

“If that is where you are comfortable, then yes it is perfect.” Pulling you back across his lap Nick began again with gentle taps.

Now with only your underwear as a barrier you could feel those strikes a little more now. The pain wasn’t  uncomfortable, it didn’t even really hurt. There was more of a warm feeling than a feeling of pain. When his tempo increased you felt the first sting of a real strike and it made you jump a bit. The sound you made surprised you, a moan was not what you expected, but that was what came out. You were beginning to come to terms with how much you actually liked this. 

Nick continued to spank you, slowly, gently, increasing the speed and strength of the strikes as you wiggled and moaned on his lap. The more he hit you, the more you began to like it. The wetness between your thighs was noticeable now, at least you noticed it, and you were certain he did too, how could he not. 

You weren’t the only one aroused. You could feel something hard pressing into you, and there was really only one thing that could be. If what you were feeling was any indication, Nick wasn’t small in that department and that just made you squeeze your legs tighter. This time when he spoke, his voice was more gruff, deeper, husky in a way.

“Are you ready to take off the rest sweetheart?”

Standing up on shaky legs you nodded as he braced you while you tried to remove your clothes. It took a few tries, but you were naked in front of him now. You wanted to be shy, but you were far too aroused to care, and he wasn’t being paid to find you attractive. That alone made things a little easier. Though you had almost forgotten you were paying for this.

“You are quite beautiful. I can tell you are aroused, so I will ask again. Would you like any form of sexual contact?”

Well he was certainly not beating around any bushes and you hesitated before nodding slowly. “Maybe go slow?”

Nick nodded and pulled you back down into his lap. His large rough hands caressed over your bare bottom and you felt a thrill go through you. Again he started with small strikes, but this time he started a little harder than before. It didn’t take you long to get worked up again as his strikes fell faster and harder. The sound of skin hitting skin rang through the bedroom and you felt yourself clenching and throbbing. A desperate noise in your throat somewhere between a moan and a whine. 

“You are so beautiful like this, so very beautiful. Can you handle more? I have a paddle with me, or if you have a hair brush?” His voice had a deep growl to it when he spoke.

“Hairbrush.” You panted and made a tiny sound of distress when he lifted you with one arm and lowered you onto the bed. 

He came back from your bathroom holding your brush. It had an oval shape and was made of wood. You had never looked at it that way before, as an item you could use in a sexual way. After this, you might need to buy a new brush because you weren’t going to be able to see it as anything but a paddle. 

Nick lifted you back onto his lap, again using only one arm, and if you didn’t know better you would think he was trying to show off. Of course any thoughts in your head disappeared the moment the brush impacted your bottom. You cried out, loudly, as he began with slow deliberate strikes. He was more gentle than when he had been using his hand, and that was a blessing as this stung. It hurt a lot more, but it still felt good. 

Your core clenched desperately around nothing as you moaned and begged, you didn’t even know what you were begging for, but you needed something. There was a moment when you felt nothing the brush no longer hitting you when you felt Nicks hand press against your back holding you harder to his lap. His other hand pushed your thighs apart and his thick fingers slid over your clit and folds. Your cries became more desperate as pleasure shot through you. 

Whimpering and whining you continued to beg as you finally felt one of his fingers push into you, his thumb rubbing circles over your clit. It was embarrassing, or it would have been embarrassing if you had two brain cells to rub together, how quickly you came from just that stimulation alone. 

Laying across his lap limp, panting, shaking slightly, Nick lifted you up and cradled you in his lap. You snuggled into him and now that the pleasure was fading could feel just how much your ass hurt. 

“I have some lotion I can rub on you. Just lay here, I will get that and some water for you.” 

Nick laid you gently onto the bed and moved out of the room into the kitchen to get some water from your fridge. He set it on the nightstand and dug through his bag producing the lotion. First he rubbed it on you, making sure it soaked into the skin before helping you sit up and holding the water while you took sips. 

“What about you?” your voice came out in a croak. 

His arousal had been, and still was obvious. How could he make you feel so good and not have the chance to feel good himself. 

“You are sweet, but that isn’t what you are paying me for. This is about you, not me.”

“You are right Nick, I am paying, and I want you to feel good too. Show me how?”

There was something fragile in his eyes as his expression softened. You still couldn’t place who he was, but in that moment, who he was, was someone you wanted desperately to know better. 

“Please?” 

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 12

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff

; Word Count: 3.4k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: This one is from our lovely Hobi’s POV! He decided he wanted to take charge for a moment so...I hope you enjoy! :D please comment and send asks so we can taaalk :D

; Flower Masterpost

-

“FOR GODS SAKE GERALT CAN YOU JUST BLO- fuck, shit, cock sucker...ah fuck it all!” You hissed in anger, clenching the Playstation 4 controller in your hands tighter and shaking it wildly as your character, Geralt, died. It turned out that Hoseok had Witcher 3 and after binge-watching all of the Netflix Witcher show, you’d begged him to bring it over so you could play it.

Today he’d finally brought it, the small case catching his eye as he was grabbing his backpack and he’d quickly stuffed it inside. He’d promised to bring it two times already and two times he’d forgotten. Not today though, today he’d been good and remembered it.

That had been four hours ago, and you’d been gripped by the game since. In fact, you’d barely even stopped to take a drink, eyes focused intently on the screen as you fought, magicked and cursed your way free of fights in the virtual world. Needless to say, you were very enthralled by the game which in turn meant you had gotten progressively louder as you’d died from stupid things.

Not that you were dying because of anything you’d been doing of course. No, it was just your character was doing silly things like not blocking or swinging when you told him to. That was it. Hoseok had been assured by you many times at the start when he’d got a little concerned about how into the game you were getting.

That had been at the start though, and you were now so into the game, so unaware of your surroundings, that it was almost like Hoseok wasn’t actually here in the room with you. Your eyes remained glued to the screen the whole time. Which meant that you didn’t see the way he’d been pouting a little, starved of your attention as he played around on his phone aimlessly in an effort to entertain himself.

Hoseok loved watching people play games, he really did, but he was bored today. He wanted your attention; a novel concept to him as he’d never dated anyone who was more into video games than he was. Being on the other side of someone who avidly loved gaming was unusual and though he didn’t hate it...he just a bit like a child.

There was only so much playing with Kasumi he could do. And sure, he could read the book he’d found in your bookcase a few days ago or even play on your Switch while you entertain yourself, but he didn’t want that. He wanted to do something with you. He wanted to talk to you, listen to you talk and laugh with you.

He was being a brat basically, being a child about it. But despite that, he was also fully amused by your reaction to the game. This was the first time he’d ever seen you play a video game like this and the fact you became so fully immersed in it was exceptionally entertaining.

Why he was surprised about that, he didn’t really know. You most definitely had the personality of someone who would commit themselves to something 100% when they found a thing that was truly interesting to them. Just looking at the abundance of Pokémon around your apartment told him that.

But still...he wasn’t sure why he had such a strong desire for your attention. He was never normally like this with relationships, though admittedly he hadn’t had a relationship extend past three months in a while now. Not for lack of trying of course, but he’d just never quite found someone to click with.

And at the risk of sounding like an old man, at the age of 28, he wasn’t really interested in investing his time and effort into someone who he could already tell he didn’t particularly care for. Hoseok felt like there were three types of people by his age; those who had found love and were happy and content in it, those who weren’t interested in dating and were focusing on themselves and those who were in a relationship purely for the sake of it.

The first group had already started marrying and having babies, Namjoon and Jimin for example, while the second group showed no interest in any of that. Which was perfectly fine obviously. Taehyung and Yoongi were prime examples of people who had no interest and didn’t seem to show any indication of wanting to show interest.

But Hoseok didn’t want to be in the third group, dating just for the sake of dating. He’d done that for years now, had one-night-stands throughout his college years, and maybe even a few he definitely regretted in the end stages of high school. So he wanted what some of his friends had found. 

And he’d found that with you, which had been beyond surprising to him. You were most definitely not who he would have picked as his first choice to date, which sounded bad but he was just being honest. He hadn’t thought that he liked girls who liked cute things, nor had he thought he’d had the temperament and patience to put up with your anxieties and stresses.

He had though, finding within himself a deep need to make you happy and experiencing enjoyment at how slow things were progressing. His friends found it wild that everything was moving at a glacial pace and that Jung Hoseok of all people was going along with it and not complaining. But he liked it, he liked discovering your little quirks and traits slowly. 

It was like unwrapping a present, with each new thing he learnt about you being his present. And he loved it so much. Which meant that he enjoyed learning this new thing about you, or rather how intense you got in video games you liked.

But still...he wanted your attention.

He was like a child; a whiny and petulant toddler. He knew this, but he couldn’t stop. Almost didn’t want to.

Which is why he was slowly inching his way over to you on the couch, hoping that his slow movements would catch your attention. It was only when he was almost on top of you that he realised it wasn’t working, causing him to sigh deeply and flop back against the couch in what could politely be called a mantrum.

“Do you want me to order food? Or make food? I can make it...can’t guarantee it tastes great but I can make it.” Hoseok asked, his voice light as he questions you. And it’s like he never spoke with the quiet ‘hmm’ you give back to him. 

His bottom lip pushes out once more as he opens up his takeout app, inputting your address and ordering pizza for you both. There was no need to ask what you wanted, he knew what you liked by now. 

A sudden outburst of unintelligible noises from you causes him to look up with an amused quirk of his brow, watching as your face scrunched in annoyance as you shake your controller at the screen again, teeth gritted together. And suddenly, he’s not bothered that you’re not paying attention to him anymore. Not when you look that cute.

Slowly, he’s not entirely sure why he’s doing it quietly as well when you’re paying zero attention to him, he opens the camera on his phone and angles it towards you with a smile. He takes a few careful seconds to get the best angle before pressing the button, the shutter noise unnoticed by him as he checks on the photo.

Tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth slightly, he hums to himself as he opens up the photo editing app he has on his phone and begins to edit it. Shifting the exposure, contrast and more, he turns what could’ve been a boring photo into something befitting you.

“Did you just take a photo of me?” You ask suddenly, causing him to look up with wide eyes. For a moment, he’s too startled to speak before he gives a playful scowl, poking your side with a finger.

“Oh, so now you listen to me? Huh?” He teases, sticking his tongue out at you. Your eyes drop to it slightly before skittering away quickly, causing him to smile internally. Hoseok was not as immune to your glances and movements as you thought he was. He just chose not to do anything about them because he didn’t want to push you.

“I was listening...you just weren’t saying anything interesting…” The words trail off halfway through you saying them, as if you realise how offensive they could come off. Immediately your eyes widen, mouth opening in what he’s positive is an apology. He’d normally let you, knowing it would soothe your anxieties to know that you’d said sorry to him but he doesn’t care today. It didn’t bother him.

“I’m not gonna argue with you. But yeah, I took a picture. You looked cute, all focused. I never realised you become dead to the world basically when playing a game. I’ve been lonely.” Hoseok makes his eyes go big, an earnest look being matched with slightly pouting lips to give you a face of pure innocence.

It doesn’t work evidently, given the way you roll your eyes at him. But it gets a smile out of you so he considers that a win.

“Hoseok...I don’t really like my photo being taken…” You whine quietly, fingers playing with the controller nervously. Over the last four months, Hoseok had learnt to analyse your body's movements carefully. They spoke your inner thoughts more than your mouth did and he could tell that you were feeling anxious.

“Hey, hey...come here. Look at it...see I edited it! You’re gorgeous!” He turns his phone to let you see, smiling brightly at you as your eyes glance over it. Lower lip being chewed slowly, your shoulders deflate as you push it back.

“No I’m not, I look fat and ugly. I don’t have a good side.” Silence falls after that statement, Hoseok’s mind frozen in sheer disbelief at your words. He wants to sigh heavily, shout at you that you’re wrong. Every part of him wants to shake you and make you see that you’re beautiful, flaws and all. 

But he doesn't because he knows you wouldn’t like it. So instead he purses his lips, smacking them and making a noise as he tries to figure out a way to tell you that actually, you’re an idiot. He doesn’t want to hurt you though, so he knows that he has to tread a fine line.

Shuffling close, he presses himself to your side and holds up the phone to you, showing the photo once more. “I want to argue you with so bad right now, but all I’ll say is...you’re wrong. I think you’re pretty, cute even. Look at that scowl, it’s adorable. And look, you’ve seen the double chin I get when I’m laid down.”

“Oh please, as if that makes you look bad. You know you’re gorgeous, look at you.” You gesture at all of him, and he sighs, wrapping his arms around you tightly and kissing you all over your face until you’re no longer whining but giggling loudly. He doesn’t stop though, making the most over exaggerated noises as he does so.

“Oh no, oh no, the travesty of having to kiss this beautiful face. Oh please, I can’t handle it. It’s such a trial for me, to have to do this. Why couldn’t they give me someone less pretty? But it’s only fair that someone with my looks gets to kiss someone like you.” He gets the words out loudly between kisses, half laughing as he does it and fully enjoying the way that you practically shriek with laughter beneath him, body shaking.

Stopping, he just watches you for a moment with a soft smile, enjoying the brightness in your eyes that has replaced the fear and self-loathing. He really wishes that he could show you how he sees you compared to how you see yourself, but he supposes he’ll just settle for showering you with affection.

“Look...seriously...I like this.” He says quietly, resting his head on your shoulder as he shows you the photo once more. You don’t say anything this time, just look at the screen quietly with your head resting against his own. “Do you want me to delete it though? I will if you want.”

“No...if you like it...I just...I don’t have pictures taken often of me. I don’t really like it because I never really think I look good. It takes at least fifteen tries to get one I find acceptable for Instagram.” Chewing his lip, he sighs as he wavers on what to do. He doesn’t want to do something that will make you unhappy, but at the same time...he loves photography. And he wants to photograph you so badly. 

Proper photographs too, with his DSLR that he’ll edit with Photoshop on his laptop. He just knows that he can take photos that even you will love and he truly thinks they’ll be some of his best work yet. There’s no way he can go wrong when he has such a beautiful muse here.

“Seriously Hoseok, it’s okay. You can keep it. You have nice editing skills.” Smiling, he clicks through the menu options on his phone before he’s moving the photo slightly, setting it at the right size and centralizing it before saving it as his home screen. It’s only then that you realise what he’s done, eyes widening.

“Did you just make that your home screen?” You ask incredulously and he snorts, nodding with a grin as he shows you with pride. Carefully, he moves his app icons around until you’re no longer covered by them, letting him see you perfectly every time he unlocks his phone. He loves it.

“Yes I did, and it’s perfect. I’ve been wanting a photo of you for a while,” Glancing over at you, he smirks ever so slightly. “I know you’ve got a picture of me as your home screen. The one of me at Namjoon’s barbeque last year where I’m looking away. Jungkook took it and I had it for my Facebook profile for a while.”

The squirm you do let’s him know that you’re probably dying inside but he’s far too amused and pleased with himself over this. Honestly his chest had probably swollen three sizes in pride and ego when he’d glimpsed it the other day. There was something oddly satisfying at knowing you had him on your phone.

And now he had you.

Eyes widening suddenly, he shifts upwards to give you with a shocked look. “I just realised...we’ve never taken a selfie together! If you’re okay with that.”

“I don’t really take them often...you’ve seen my Instagram.” Snorting, he rolls his eyes and moves until he’s sitting up against you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and hugging you to him. You don’t push him away though, nor do you tell him not to take one.

“That’s a fucking travesty. You should bless the world with your face more. And you spend all that time doing that makeup!” Now it’s your turn to roll your own eyes, pushing at him lightly.

“I do that because I like it, not because I want to show off.” He opens up the camera app once more, shifting the camera to be front facing and watching as his screen fills up with your faces.

“Well you should show off. You’re really talented with it and I’m sure there’s loads of people that would like to see more of it. There’s like...a whole section of Instagram dedicated to it. I know, cos I looked after I saw your pictures. You could be like...the next NikkieTutorials or Tati Westbrook!” It’s only because of the camera facing you both that he sees your incredulous expression, brows furrowing in surprise before they morph into amusement.

“Have you been watching beauty YouTubers?” Glancing at you, he shrugs uncaringly.

“You like them, so I figured I’d see what they’re about. Not really my thing but at least I half understand what you’re talking about when you bang on about primers and toners and all that shit. Besides, I have discovered that they apparently live scandalous lives and I’m oddly entertained by all the drama even though I have no idea who they are.” Hoseok says absentmindedly, mind drifting back to all those drama videos he’d accidentally ended up watching when he fell down the YouTube rabbit hole one night.

You let out a peal of laughter, the sound bright and happy and it makes his stomach twist slightly to hear it. He likes your laughter.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you actually watched that. So does this mean we can watch drama channels when you’re here?” Letting out a deep and bone weary sigh, he nods slowly before leaning over to kiss your cheek.

As he does so, he quickly angles the phone and snaps a photo of you both. You don’t realise what he’s done at first until he brings the screen for you to look at, grinning down at the image of you both that has been immortalised in high quality pixels.

You’re laughing still, mouth stretched into a wide smile of joy while your eyes are closed, the skin around them creased ever so slightly from happiness. His side profile is clearly evident, the gentle lighting of your room surprisingly good for this picture and his lips are pressed firmly to the soft skin of your cheek, lip ring shifted into view from the movement.

There’s no makeup on your face and you’re wearing an oversized white shirt with Kirby on it while he’s in his usual band shirt. The difference between you both is startling, but it makes his heart flutter a little oddly as he looks at it with a gentle smile.

Looking over at you, he realises that you haven’t said anything about it and he worries that you’re unhappy with the photo. Instantly, he stresses that maybe he’d done a bad thing and he’s about to apologise to you, chastened by his excitement.

But then you give him a shy smile, leaning into him and burrowing your head into the space between his neck and shoulder. “I...I actually like that. It looks...nice. Though you should probably edit it, edit my flaws and all that.”

Giving you a deadpan expression, he just pushes at your shoulder before rolling his eyes. “I’m going to forget I heard that. So...anyway.”

Despite what he said though, he does edit it and shows you what he uses and what he thinks the best edit would be. He lets you play around with the editing too, smiling as you make the photo look horrific by maxing out different sliders before letting him edit it exactly how he wants.

And then once he’s done, he goes onto Facebook and uploads it as his new profile picture. 

The stunned silence from you has him looking over cautiously, taking in your shocked face which soon quickly morphs into shyness. It makes his chest hurt a little to see how you react to something as simple as him changing his profile picture to a picture of you both.

He doesn’t say anything though, recognising this as a moment that you’d need to work through it yourself. So instead, he presses his lips to your cheek once more before using his fingers to tilt your face towards his, capturing your lips with his. The movement is bordering on natural now, four months into your relationship.

“So...I ordered pizza which should be arriving soon. Think you might want to take a break?” Hoseok asks, nodding towards the screen where Geralt has been stood quietly for the last ten minutes as he’d distracted you successfully. Pursing your lips, you consider for a moment before shaking your head with a grin, picking up your controller once more.

And that’s when he realises that you had been paying attention to him the whole time. You’d just been refusing to give in to his whining. He almost says something before shaking his head with an exasperated smile, getting up when your doorbell goes off.

Well played, he thought to himself as he took the pizza boxes before standing for a few moments and watching as you became involved once more, well played indeed.

[starsgivemehp]

The Argument Against and Defense of Hetalia

Let me preface this by saying that I have not watched the show or read the manga in a few years now, and thus I am working mostly off of memory and what fan content I see these days, which is not a lot. Also, I am a gentile, and I don’t claim to know a lot about the Jewish community or traditions. I am, however, a writer and I have plenty of practice analyzing and criticizing works of fiction from multiple angles. With that in mind, this essay is an attempt to explain everything that is wrong and not wrong with the show, the comic strips, and the fandom.

I’m putting this under a read more for sheer length, this was 11 pages on Google docs.

Let us start with the list of grievances assembled largely from one post, the majority of which I had to go digging for as the original person in this post who mentioned Hetalia said, and I quote, “i dont feel the need to link a source for [hetalia] because…” and then listed two things, one of which is incorrect entirely. But I digress, I will address each one at a time. The list of grievances is as follows:

It is called ‘Axis Powers’ Hetalia

One of the main characters is a personification of Nazi Germany

The entire point of the series is:

Advocating for eugenics

Racial fetishization

Advocating for fascism

Nazi sympathizing/propaganda

The entire franchise is terrible due to rape jokes, racism, and Holocaust jokes

Hetalia fans are all terrible due to rape jokes and other issues

Death of the author cannot apply to this fandom

There may be more that are in other reblogs of the post in question, and I may add addendums further in this essay, but for the time being, I will address each of these grievances and explain the validity or non-validity of each, from a position understanding of both fans and of non-fans. Thus, in order:

‘Axis Powers’ Hetalia

When people talk about Hetalia, they usually are referring to the anime due to its widespread popularity. However, Hetalia began as a series of strip comics posted on a forum by Hidekaz Himaruya (and I spent a while trying to actually find the original comics, but I can’t, there are links to his blogs there in what I’ve provided). It later was formatted into a manga, and then later became an anime. While it was originally titled Axis Powers: Hetalia and the first two seasons of the show are named as such, it usually is only referred to as Hetalia. The anime seasons after said first two seasons have all been ‘world’ focused: Seasons three and four were titled World Series, season five was titled Beautiful World, season six was titled World Twinkle, and the upcoming season seven is titled World Stars.

For the purposes of tagging everything, I tend to see the tags ‘hetalia’ and ‘hws,’ which is short for Hetalia: World Series. This name of the third and fourth anime seasons is the most widely accepted and used name for the series as a whole. While it is true that, years ago, people referred to it as ‘aph’ for Axis Powers Hetalia, the fans and the series have put that behind them, for good reason. It is understandable, even righteous, to not accept the title ‘Axis Powers.’ It does draw focus to the WW2 era, and place the fascists and nazis as the ‘main characters,’ or even, ‘the good guys,’ which is not the case. Obviously, the Nazis were terrible and the entirety of the Axis Powers did horrible, unspeakable things during the war.

It must be noted, to anybody who has not seen the show or read the manga, that the first one to two seasons do have a ‘focus’ on the WW2 era, per se, but it largely talks about interactions between countries, as they are the personified party, and makes extremely few allusions to the war itself, and none to the Holocaust. I will address that in a later section. For now, the point to make is that after these original two seasons, Hetalia branches out into a much wider worldview, adds several more characters, and focuses more on said characters in individual arcs and offerings of historical facts - as generalized as they may be. Nobody claimed that Hetalia was correct in everything it said, but it aims to play out some historical information in a simplified and humorous way. This is due to the fact that the characters are all singular people meant to personify entire countries, which leads us to point two.

The Personification of Nazi Germany

This is the second complaint of the strand of the post in question that I was presented with, quoted as “one of the main characters is a personification of nazi germany.” This is an entirely incorrect statement. ‘Nazi Germany,’ as people call it, is the state of Germany during the era leading up to and of World War 2. The country is still Germany, the people were still German, the Nazi part comes from the political regime in power, a real world nightmare. In the Hetalia series, the characters are called by their country names, because that is who they personify. This may change at times. For example, the character now known as Turkey was previously called Ottoman Empire. They come to be when civilization starts or a colony is introduced to a place. This can be seen in the strip or episode where China ‘finds’ Japan as a small boy and begins to teach him reading and writing - and Japan thereafter invents hiragana. It can also be seen in the comic where a young child, Iceland, questions who he is and why he knows his people are “different beings” than him. The country that speaks to him (I only have the comic here in my likes in that list, the name isn’t mentioned and it’s been a while, but it might be another of the Scandinavian countries) explains that he is Mr. Iceland, they don’t know why he is Mr. Iceland, but they know he is.

What I am attempting to explain with all of these other examples is that there is no ‘Nazi Germany’ character. There is a character called Germany (or Mr. Germany), and all of his adult life, he has been called Germany. He is never addressed by anything else. He does, however, look remarkably similar to a childhood friend of Italy’s, Holy Roman Empire (or just Holy Rome), but as far as it has been explained in canon, Holy Rome went off somewhere and, later on Germany and Italy met as strangers. The general consensus is, due to the area where the Holy Roman Empire used to be is around-ish Germany, the characters are the same. But never, in any of the comics, anime, or movie, is Germany referred to as Nazi Germany. I don’t believe the word ‘Nazi’ appears at any point in time, even, though I cannot claim I have seen every shred of content, so I may be wrong. But I doubt that very much, as it is not in the nature of the series to do such a thing. Moving on.

Advocating for Eugenics

I will start and end this section by saying that Hetalia was, in the original post, roped in with Attack on Titan, of which (as far as I know) the author advocates for eugenics - or the idea that certain people should not be allowed to produce offspring due to their race or other factors. There is no example of Hetalia content wherein this disgusting opinion is ever mentioned or supported in any way. This is at worst a flat-out lie, and at best lumping Hetalia in with a much worse show that does do this (but I won’t get into that, I have never seen more than a few episodes of Attack on Titan and I don’t care to see any more of it. Throw your opinions or defenses elsewhere, I care 0% about it entirely). I have no more need to prepare a more detailed response to this accusation. It simply is not true.

Racial Fetishization

This particular accusation is a difficult one. Fetishization may be a strong word, as the series is largely a comedy. Everyone gets their turn in the spotlight, so to speak, so I find it hard to plainly state that any one character is fetishized or displayed as the most powerful. There is, of course, Rome, who only appears in small segments as Italy’s grandfather and is, in the series, touted as an amazing empire who had it all. I do not believe this is what the accusation is referring to. This accusation seems to be some sort of insistence that the show and creator believe that white people (or possibly just Germans/Nazis/the Aryan race?) are touted as the most powerful and nobody else can compare. I can confidently say that while that is never said anywhere, there are a few issues. Hetalia, particularly the animated series, had (and may still have) a longstanding issue of whitewashing countries that should not be white. This includes Egypt and Seychelles (who both later got a darker skin tone, probably still not dark enough though) as the worst offenders, and even Spain, Turkey, Greece, and Romano (southern Italy), and so on. Yes, this is a big problem. There is no defense against that. It should not be the case. These characters obviously should have darker skin. I will note, however, that many fans are already completely aware of this, have been complaining about it since the beginning, and tend to draw these characters with more correct skin tones in their fanart. This is a case where yes, the original content is not good, but the fans make their own fixes. If you are angry at Hetalia for whitewashing, good. You should be. But I do not believe this should reflect on the entirety of the content and the fandom (And note that I am not linking any particular fanart here, because I want nobody to go attack any fans).

It is also important to note that yes, a large majority of the series builds upon stereotypes. No, stereotypes are not good. No, you should not assume that the personifications of the countries encompass all citizens of said countries. The entire premise of the show is one person = the embodiment of a country, and that person changes and adapts with the times in terms of uniform and personality. It is extremely hard to do this without stereotyping. Most serious fans are aware of this, and do not in any way believe that these characters represent everyone from these countries. It may be true that much younger fans used to, and it may be true that people do not want to watch the show because stereotypes are, arguably, bad. But do remember that this is a comedy, and every character is picked on. Every one. And it is understandable if this branch of humor is not for you. I, personally, don’t like Family Guy or South Park or any shows like that for their humor. I also don’t attack the people who do. I ignore it.

Advocating for Fascism

This is another area wherein I believe the accuser is simply lumping Hetalia in with the original poster’s subject, Attack on Titan. Again, I will not defend or attack that show, as I do not care about it at all. However, regarding Hetalia, I can confidently say that it does not advocate for fascism. While the first two seasons are (sort of) set in WW2 era, as previously mentioned, the fighting is not really a big part, and nobody is touted as correct - only struggling in the conflict. For example, there is a scene where Germany, post WW1, is shown making cuckoo clocks by hand and lamenting the fact that he has to make so many thousands in order to pay back France. This is by no means painting fascism as a good thing, or explaining anything about how poverty and other struggles lead to the formation and rise of the Nazi party. It is simply a scene where we see a man frustratedly making cuckoo clocks and complaining while France’s big head jeers at him in his imagination. The surrounding scenes and the end of this one are making note of how Italy keeps coming over to his house to try and be friends and Germany keeps kicking him out because Italy is annoying and whiny. The episode further goes on to mention that Germany is attacking France again, and Italy has suddenly become his ally, and he is not happy about it for the aforementioned reasons. Again, this does not in any way paint Germany as being ‘right.’ The purpose of the segment(s) is/are to show him disliking the annoying Italy (whom the show is named for) and trying to get him out of his house before eventually giving up and accepting that they can be friends. Is it all 100% historically accurate? No, not by a long shot. Does it paint him as sympathetic? Sort of, you feel bad for the guy making a thousand cuckoo clocks, but only in the sense that he is one person doing a lot of work, a completely fictional situation. But Italy - and the audience - obviously know that attacking France again is not a good thing, so does it advocate the Nazis or fascism? Also no.

Nazi Sympathizing/Propaganda

I pretty well covered this in the previous section, but I will expand. I have alluded to the first two seasons as “focusing” on WW2, in a way, and also mentioned that this is a generalization of sorts, so here I will attempt to clarify. The first few episodes do, indeed, touch on ‘the way they all met’ in a sense; Germany is starting a war and he reluctantly becomes allies with Italy, and less reluctantly becomes allies with Japan, who examines both of them and decides he is content with this situation. However, none of it is very serious, and these ‘formalities’ give way easily to more humorous personable interactions, such as Italy hugging Japan without warning and the touch-anxious Japan pushing him off and getting flustered, Italy petting a cat and then freaking out when he is licked because a cat’s tongue is rough, the two of them ‘training’ by doing your regular old exercising and jogging and Italy being late, etc etc. Stupid, personable jokes.

On the flip side, the show covers the Allied Powers quite a bit too. A lot of this is the five big ones - America, Britain (/England/UK), France, Russia, and China - all meeting around one table and squabbling about various things. I fondly recall one scene where China arrives late and has a bunch of workers suddenly building a Chinatown in the meeting room because he was hungry and wanted his own food, and the others protesting. They are then offered food and become okay with it, because food. Other such nonsense plays out in other, similar meetings. There is also a segment where the Axis powers are all stranded on an island for… some unknown reason… and they set about attempting to survive via campfire and fishing and such. Twice (three times?) the Allied powers ‘attack’ them on this island via China whacking them each with a wok and, as the three of them are in a sad heap, something interrupts the scene to make the Allies retreat. One time, it is Rome’s sudden and also unexplained entrance across the sky singing a song, and another time, it is England’s preoccupation with a cursed chair. Also, at one point, Austria is playing a piano. Does any of this magic logical, real life sense? No. It’s stupid and funny and has nothing to do with war. These are just personable characters thrown into weird situations so they can be funny, with some extremely mild historical context along the way.

I will note again that WW2 is pretty much completely dropped after these two seasons, with the war hardly addressed at all, and future seasons focus more on other characters. The Scandinavians get to all have fun together, the Baltic trio is mentioned, there is a lot about Switzerland taking care of Liechtenstein (wow I spelled it right after all these years, go me) and being stiff and formal with Austria. There is also plenty about people mistaking Canada for America, and England and France squabbling throughout the years, and Spain finding Romano cute but also very grumpy, etc etc… This series is largely Eurasia-focused, yes, and it can be criticized for not being as diverse as it should be. But boiling it down to ‘Nazi propaganda’ is outright, obliviously false.

I don’t know if this is the best place to put this particular note, but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to place it, so here it will go. I would like to mention that in the series, some characters, like Germany and Russia, express outright fear of their ‘bosses’ in certain points in history. It is important to realize that Germany, Japan, America, etc… these characters are not the actual, real-life humans in charge of these countries, but people of a fictional, separate species than humans who grow up as the nation grows and have lives that are affected by these world leaders (we even watch in the show America shooting up from child to young adult as the colonies expand, and England comments on how quickly he grew up - but not as quickly as his people, of course. We’ll get to Davie later). The president of the United States is America’s ‘boss,’ and naturally, that boss changes every time the president changes. The emperor of China is China’s ‘boss.’ It follows, thusly, that at one point, Hitler was Germany’s ‘boss.’ The terrible person himself was alluded to, as far as I know, exactly one time, not by name, and no face was shown. In a very brief scene, Germany laments that his new boss is scary and he was just ordered to go force Austria to come live with him. Said boss is shown as, I believe, an evilly laughing shadowy figure. That’s it. That’s the scene. There is no other mention of Hitler, nor is there any mention of the Holocaust anywhere. One could argue that the show is then trying to say that the Holocaust didn’t happen, but I think such an accusation is frankly absurd. It’s a comedy, it was always a comedy, and what in the fuck would be comedic about a mass genocide in any way? Nothing. None of it is funny. Of course it is not brought up in a comedy.

Rape Jokes, Racism, and Holocaust Jokes

While I did somewhat address racism already in the section about whitewashing and racial fetishization, I have another clarification to make, especially regarding the jokes. A lot of people complain that there are rape jokes throughout the series, and that there are two Holocaust jokes. I will begin by saying yes, this is all true, those things did happen during the course of the show. However, it is important to note that all of those things happened in the English dub of the animated show, and none of these terrible jokes exist in the Japanese/subbed version, or the original comic strips.

The English dub is, on all accounts, pretty terrible. Everyone has an over exaggerated accent, there are the aforementioned jokes, there are name changes (England referred to as Britain, among them, very confusing), and the voice actors themselves make mention in commentaries that their goal in this job was, to paraphrase because I haven’t listened in a while, ‘to be as offensive as possible to absolutely everyone’ (and one of the English dub voice actors is even a convicted sex offender, but that’s it’s own mess).  Not the most glamorous or noble of goals. One could say ‘at least if it’s everyone, it’s not really racism, is it? Just humor?’ There is a case for that. Many comedians will say that they poke fun at everyone to avoid singling anybody out as inherently superior. It cannot be said to be the best way to make humor, but it cannot be said to be the worst way, also. Overall, I don’t like the English dub, I don’t watch it, I prefer the subs. And yes, the subbed version has a few issues of its own, but I can say that at least, no, it does not make any Holocaust or rape jokes. Are those kinds of jokes excusable? Fuck no. They’re completely inappropriate. Should you judge the whole series and fandom based on the grossness of the English dubs? Also no, the people who did the English dubs have zero to do with the original creator, the animators, and the fans. Screw them.

The Fandom Being Terrible

I must again preface by saying I was never super active in the fandom at large. I had my own little niche of friends and I stuck to them and I didn’t often branch out. I did, however, go to cons back in those days, and saw plenty of cosplayers. The main complaint I see regarding the fandom is that most of the fans are completely rabid, make a bunch of rape jokes, and even dress up as ‘Nazi Germany’ (iron cross and red armband and all) and pretend to shoot up synagogues. Now, I have not seen cosplayers do the nazi solute or do such photoshoots, but I can believe that people have done it. I have seen plenty of rabid fans, and some of the OCs created for Hetalia, especially many interpretations of individual states (or Antarctica), were extremely cringey, racist, and overall just not good. And yes, these things are undeniably bad. They are very bad things! Those people should be ashamed. They should know better, regardless of their ages or anything, for fuck’s sake. The nazi salute is not a thing you do jokingly, pretending to shoot people is not a joke. Everyone is aware of this. The people who did, or maybe even still do, those things need a serious sit-down and to be woken the fuck up, because they are acting terrible.

However, it is extremely unfair to paint all Hetalia fans in the same light. That is a very stereotypical thing to do, no? As I mentioned earlier, I stuck to my little niche friend group of fans, and while we all had our own flaws and were younger and kinda dumber, we never did things like that. I never did things like that. Rape jokes were never funny, I never liked them, I never accepted them. I have people I still know who still like Hetalia and they never made those kinds of jokes either. I think, as the years have gone by, a lot of the more rabid fans have died out of the fandom. They’ve either grown the fuck up or they’ve went off to pollute some other fandom. Recognize that, especially in the beginning, the anime was low-budget and had a lot of that old and gross queerbaiting and stuff like that, so it was undeniably a magnet for crazy yaoi fans. But the majority of fanart, fanfics, and just overall fan stuff that I see these days are nothing like that. Overall, the fandom has seriously calmed down. A lot of the focus is much more on taking these characters and applying them to other historical events with more accuracy than the show might give. The history in these fanfics and fanarts may also be of questionable accuracy at times. I personally once wrote a fic where I made allusions to the death of Joan d’Arc and, later, the death of Elizabeth I, but did I add much historic fact? No, do I look like a history major spilling all this? The point of the fic was England - the character - maturing through starting to love one of his rulers and recognizing a terrible thing that he did before. It’s not the best piece of work out there, and maybe someone could point out a few things I did wrong with it, but for what it’s meant to be, it’s harmless. Takes on characters not actually in the series, like Ireland, Scotland, etc etc are generally pretty mature from what I see, fanart tends to just be the characters in various poses and styles. The overall love the fandom has, I think, is in the better character designs and in the very concept of the countries as people who laugh and cry and live through war and peace for thousands of years. And here is where I address the final grievance that I personally saw in the notes of the post which started this whole thought process and essay.

The Death of the Author

A lot of people might not fully understand what ‘The Death of the Author’ means. The death of the author is a belief rooted in the 20th century that the personal intentions, beliefs, and prejudices of the authors of certain works can have no bearing on their produced content, because once it is out in the public, every reader may then have their own interpretation and belief system. By publicizing the content, the author ‘dies’ and the reader is born.

There are some scenarios where this cannot apply. One example is JK Rowling, a very special case of a very problematic woman who happens to be so powerful, and so rich, that consuming any type of official (or even unofficial) Harry Potter anything can and will give her that much more power to spread her TERF bullshit. Let me be frank: Any time that consuming a product is allowing a bigoted or problematic person to gain extra money or extra power that they then use for evil, the death of the author cannot apply. You cannot use it as a moral justification. You might perhaps use it as the reason why you struggle to let go of a fandom near and dear to you, as Harry Potter is to so many people, but you absolutely must recognize that purchasing the books, the movies, or any other official content is outright supporting a TERF.

That in mind, there are dozens of other cases where the death of the author absolutely can apply. The easiest, of course, is with authors who are actually dead, such as Lovecraft. Lovecraft was a complete bigot and racist, an overall terrible person, and his works are saturated in that racism. But he is dead, and his work is very popular, and there are ways to take and use his work that do not contribute further to racism and bigotry. All you have to do is slap a non-racist cthulhu on a page. Make that cthulhu eat everyone equally. That’s a good cthulhu right there, a nice, safe cthulhu.

So where does Hetalia fall in this spectrum of can or cannot have death of the author? I believe it leans more to the side of yes, you can apply it. For one thing, you can definitely find the show for free in some places, and watch it without giving Himaruya a single cent. The comics are also available online for free, and while you might be giving your ‘support’ by being a viewer, I think overall, that’s not only negligible, but does not contribute anything bad? The author of Attack on Titan has many charges levied against him in the post which prompted this, and arguably, giving him any money is bad. But as far as I have seen, while Himaruya might have started out with a flawed premise and may have some whitewashing issues, I have seen nowhere that he funds any kind of racist, nationalistic, fascist, etc anything of any kind. This is not like Chick-Fil-A, where offering any kind of patronage is (or maybe used to be) sinking funds into terrible organizations. This is not supporting literal Nazis, as the complaints claim. This is a largely mediocre series with good parts and bad parts and zero ties to horrific organizations or ideals. Consuming good fan content does not make someone a racist or a bigot or a nazi sympathizer. Even rewatching some old favorite scenes or checking out the new season doesn’t make someone that. By all accounts, the show is flawed but not a means to fund nazis.

The Bad Anything Else

I will now take some time to talk about some other problems Hetalia has, because no, it is by no means flawless. I already discussed the whitewashing and stereotypes and the mess of the English dub, but there is more. I made mention of the fact that battles and seriously bad events such as the Holocaust are not mentioned, and this holds true throughout pretty much all of the series. There are certain points where ‘battles’ of a sort are seen, but only flash moments. One scene in particular that I really enjoyed as a tween and can now see the problems with is the whole revolutionary war scene. This was a scene split into two episodes (for some weird reason, even an unrelated episode in between, like, what? Why??) about a particular (unnamed) battle in the American Revolution where England faced down America, they each had a gun with a bayonet, and England charged America and his bayonet deeply scratched America’s gun, and America declared he was no longer England’s little brother, and the whole thing was played out as an extremely emotional scene. England is lost in the past of seeing America as a cute little kid he took care of, who has now grown up and is being reckless and stupid, and America is all righteous and independent and proving he’s a grown up, it’s all very emotional, I cried, other fans cried, there was much fanart.

This scene is problematic in a way. Boiling down an extremely nasty conflict following lots of really bad laws and protests to this one scene doesn’t do history any justice. It says nothing about the struggles of the American colonists, the struggles of the British empire, the awful things the colonists did to the natives, etc etc. It is one small scene and it focuses on these characters as humanoid, with feelings, and completely ignores the complexities of history. And yes, in a way, that is bad. But it is bad in the sense that nobody can - or at least should - take this show to be the end-all be-all of history. It is not. It is not often entirely correct, and it picks and chooses what points in the past several thousand years to play with, and trying to use it as a map for history is a bad idea. However, this focus on the countries as human-like and struggling can also be a good thing.

It is also important to note that there have been other problems. The portrayal of South Korea, for example, is extremely controversial, and while I do not know all of the specifics, I believe that it was banned in Korea due to this, and the character was entirely removed from the anime, among other things. Obviously, a bad take, a bad character. There are also just straight up not great characterizations in certain cases. I don’t, for example, like anything about how Belarus is portrayed as a crazy psycho constantly begging Russia (her big brother) to marry her? I think that that is ridiculous, and I know nothing about Belarus as a country but I am pretty darn sure that that is not how one ought to go about portraying the country. There are a few other examples, but my purpose here was not to pull up a list of every country and explain what is correct or incorrect about each characterization. It is enough to say that some characters were not portrayed perfectly. But with that in mind...

The Good Anything Else

It is the most important to remember that this, all of this, is fiction. This is a silly, silly fantasy series. The countries are not humans, they are some weird semi-immortal species that share a universal language and know they are not human and are referenced by humans as ‘those people.’ They are fictional constructs. But the good out of all of this is that they explore human emotions. The American Revolution scene should not be taken as how the revolution was, and who might have been right or wrong. But it is a very emotional story of a big brother unable to accept that his little brother has grown up and wants to make his own choices. That, right there, is a heartfelt scene that I’m sure plenty of real people can feel something about. And there are plenty of other scenes that really grab you by the heartstrings, especially given how crazy, stupid, and humor-oriented the rest of the show is. And I will take a moment and enthuse about some of the more popular scenes that I think are, in fact, pretty good.

There is one episode in season 5, Beautiful World, where an American woman visits France (the place). This woman, Lisa, is blond and bears a striking resemblance to Joan d’Arc. While visiting some historical place somewhere or another in Paris, France (the person) spots her and rushes up with an odd look. When she questions him, he apologizes and offers to give her a tour of the area, which she accepts. He then proceeds to lead her around and explain some history and show off some beautiful sights, and he mentions some stuff about Joan d’Arc. She butts in and lists off some stuff she knows, he beams and looks proud and says yes, she’s right. The end of the scene has the two of them standing alone somewhere and him commenting how young Joan was when she was killed, and that he always wished she could have had a better, nicer life. He then states that he is very happy that she got it, while giving this American tourist a gentle smile. She looks away for a moment, distracted by something perhaps, and when she looks back to ask just who the heck he really is, talking about a historical figure like he knew her, he is gone. It’s a very emotional scene in a quiet sort of way, because the watcher/reader understands that he took one look at this woman and instantly believed that she was, in fact, Joan d’Arc reincarnated into a totally different and totally average life, and he is so genuinely happy that a woman he saw as a hero gets this chance to live normally. Whether or not you may personally believe in reincarnation, and regardless of how often other times in the show France is shown as an obnoxious sexaholic, this is an extremely tender scene that lots of fans seriously love. It is very ‘human.’ And I feel like this is what the series as a whole strives to offer. These human moments. They may be peppered in a sort of lackadaisical style in the anime, but they are far more prominent in the comic strips, so it is important to realize that that kind of scene is more of what the creator likes to focus on.

Another very popular and touted scene is the Davie scene. I don’t remember if it was put in the anime or not, I read it as a comic. It was a scene set in colonial America, where the man himself was just a very small child. Little baby America was hanging out in a field with a rabbit and sees this boy, who introduces himself as Davie. Davie brings America to his house and opens up a botany book and points out a blue flower (possibly a forget-me-not) that he wants to see but that isn’t in the New World. America assures Davie that he will find him one of those flowers, and goes off to do so. He fails his search and goes back to Davie, who is older now, but Davie looks embarrassed and turns and walks away. Distressed, America runs to England and explains about the flower, and England says the flower is not there, but they do grow at home, and he will bring some the next time he leaves and comes back. America happily waits, and when England returns with a bouquet of the blue flowers, America takes them and runs off to Davie’s house. He is let in by a boy who looks just like Davie and presents the flowers, and the boy then puts them on (or maybe in) a coffin of an elderly man. America, smiling, does not seem to understand what is going on, and hopefully calls the boy Davie.

This entire scene, in the comic, has very few words. Davie’s name is repeated a few times, but most of the rest of the ‘dialogue’ is in images. The flower, England saying it is not there, etc. This makes the scene extremely poignant, and when we reach the end, we, the audience, realize suddenly that while baby America was fixated on finding a special flower for his new friend, years and years went by, and that friend grew up and got married and had children and eventually died, all while America remained looking the exact same age and understanding the exact same things. Look, folks, I don’t know about you, but that is some angsty stuff right there. I cried. We all cried. We all miss Davie. Mention the name to fans and you will get sobs. We love you, Davie.

Which brings me to my penultimate point, that this series is heartfelt and, while it avoids a lot of the bad of history, can be very poignant about what human nature is like. Human lives are long, very long, but also so very short, they fly by. Some lives end in tragedy, others are mostly peaceful, and maybe we get second chances if you believe in reincarnation, maybe not. Maybe it’s good that our lives are so short, maybe the fate of living forever and watching people you connect with die is tragic. Or maybe it would actually be really fun, having friends for thousands of years that you may squabble with at times but ultimately care for. Maybe nothing is simple and life is about finding joy where you can, and everyone needs to sometimes take a step back and realize that everyone is flawed, and there might be good and evil but the vast majority of people are in a grey area, trying to live their own lives and do what good they can for whatever reason they might give. I want to end with one last topic, one I have not yet addressed this whole time. The big white alien in the room, if you will.

Paint it: White!

There is a Hetalia movie, folks, if you didn’t know it, and it’s called Paint It White. This movie has just as many silly parts as any other Hetalia thing, but it also has a plot! In this movie, strange, all-white aliens are starting to invade the Earth. They arrive and anything they touch, they turn into completely identical white humanoid blobs, even the country personifications. With this scary and seemingly-unstoppable threat, the main eight - America, England, Russia, China, France, Japan, Germany, and Italy - all try to infiltrate the alien spaceship in frankly hideous uniforms to find out more and figure out a way to defeat them. Hijinks and disaster ensues, and at the end, each of them is fighting a mob and gradually being defeated. Italy is the last one standing, and as Germany is slowly being transformed into a blob along with the others, he tells Italy to smile. Italy then finds (or has? the plot isn’t great, it’s just there) a black marker and he suddenly starts going around drawing ridiculous faces on everyone. He draws fitting faces on each of his friend blobs, like a stern face on Germany-blob, a deadpan face on Japan-blob, etc etc. The invaders suddenly stop. They look at each other, marker-faced, and start to laugh. Then their leader of sorts comes out and is basically like “wow, we thought you were all stupid and you have wars and stuff, but this? This is beautiful. Wow. We all look exactly identical on our world, and these faces are cool and new and unique. We’ll turn everyone on your planet back if we can have this magical thingie you’re holding.” And of course Italy hands the marker right over, and everyone is put back to normal, and crybaby, scaredy-cat, useless Italy saves the world.

The plot is, obviously, not super great. It’s not going to win anybody any awards. But it has a very poetic premise. The strength of humans is that they are all unique. Every human has a different face, a different body, a different life. Our differences may cause conflict, but they are also something to celebrate. At the end of the day, Hetalia is an okay show that can get you hooked on history and tries its best to teach you that we’re all only human and there might be war and conflict and bad things, but you have to reach for the good things and find yourself good friends and have stupid laughs and enjoy life, however long or short it may be. I think that that’s a pretty decent message to send out to people.

The Bottom Line

In the end, this is a fandom like many others. Hetalia has its flaws and its cringe moments, and it certainly had its fair share of awful fans. But I truly believe that painting it overall as nazi propoganda and one of the most problematic and harmful shows out there is a blatant lie and disregards… just about everything of the actual content. I think it is difficult for someone to concretely say anything is super good or super bad without seeing at least some of it, or doing some research, and this business of blithely going along with what everyone else says just because they use big danger words does not do anybody any favors. Spreading misinformation is, I’m sure, the exact opposite of what most people want to do. And make no mistake, I am definitely not saying that everyone needs to like, or even watch, the show. If you never ever want to watch this show in your life, that is absolutely fine. Go forth and never watch it. But mindlessly following the herd and yelling overgeneralized, unsupported opinions about it is not a good thing. I beg of you, do research on the things you want to form or share an opinion on, think critically, and for the love of God, do not swipe a giant paintbrush to forsake every single individual fan of a show as a terrible, awful person. By all means, hate nazis, they are pieces of shit. Boycott things that support genocide and fascism, yes, fight for equality, yes. But do not go accusing without thinking, and do not overgeneralize. I leave you with the words of my old laptop bag that I bought years ago at a convention:

Make pasta, not war.

Thank you for reading.