#guy who reads dictionaries voice: getting a lot of me vibes from this...... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

luvdsc · 5 years ago

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would you mind doing a description of each member of nct dream? you don’t have to cuz that’s lowkey a lot BUT i figured i’d ask since i’m trying to write something and get their personalities right. i really admire your work!! have a nice day, babes!!!

yes, of course, lovebug 💕 I’ll be rewording the analyses from the asks about my ideal type and adding to them, so it might be a bit familiar! I could’ve written more, but I had to stop because I reached max length for each paragraph 😅 I hope these are helpful to you, and thank you so much for liking my work, honey bee!!! 💛 best of luck with your writing, and I hope you have a good day, too! 🌼 also, I’m on mobile and I’m so sorry for all the scrolling! I’ll add a read more when I get on my laptop ✨ edit: the read more has been added :’)

MARK :: oh, where do i start with mister absolutely fully capable? mark is the definition of adorkable. if you look up that word in the dictionary, you’re gonna see his picture pasted right under it. he’s endearing and awkward, and he tries his best in everything and puts his best foot forward, giving 110% in whatever he does. he’s a hard worker and a good boy. he laughs at that’s what she said jokes, and he’s the type of person to think of a funny joke from three days ago and start laughing at the most inappropriate time, like in the middle of standard testing. he’ll say things he thinks are funny, like “five guys hello guys” or that long sentence about possibilities and immediately look to you with those wide doe eyes, seeking a positive reaction from you and hoping you’ll laugh. he’ll try to wink at you randomly sometimes, but he always fails and just ends up blinking, which will make you laugh and call him cute and have him scrunching up his nose because that’s not what he intended to happen and he’ll be really flustered at the compliment. he’s really sweet, and I think taeil called him the most romantic? however, I feel like having a relationship isn’t a high priority for him right now. he seems to have workaholic tendencies, which could frustrate his s/o. he would need to have someone that understands his work and music is the most important to him, and he might unintentionally neglect checking up with his s/o at times. he’s a little shy and introverted, so it might be hard for him to make a first move if you aren’t friends at first. he’ll write dozens upon dozens of songs about you. that’s the way he’ll express his affection because he’s too shy to in the beginning and music is what he’s good at. there will be lots of late nights with him strumming his guitar and you sitting next to him, reading a book or playing a game on your phone, and he’ll call your name and you look up before he nervously starts to play a new song that he’s written for you. and at the end of the song, he’ll glance up at you really quickly before looking back down at his guitar, and you’re going to have to go over to him and take his face into your hands softly and tell him his song was amazing and you love it as much as you love him. and he’ll smile so big as his glasses slide down his nose before he quickly leans up and presses the softest kiss against your mouth to show you his appreciation before he loses courage to do so. sometimes you steal those round rimmed glasses of his and try them on yourself, and mark has to cover his face and look away and wring his hands and he makes those little oi mark noises because you look so cute and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. on the other hand, mark is also very stubborn. it may not look like that, but if you notice the relationship between him and hyuck, hyuck is always the one giving in at the end. mark will absolutely not do something if he doesn’t want to do it. I do think he will go after something if he wants it, but he will hesitate slightly at first. he follows the rules a bit too much. he doesn’t seem to be the most fun person to party with either unless you get him to drink a beer because he’s a lightweight, but that also means you have to take care of him afterwards. also, he said in an interview that he doesn’t like rollercoasters or fast rides, but he enjoys the cotton candy at amusement parks lol but he did go on those rides in the end, but his head was down the entire time rip. mark gets easily embarrassed. it’s like in that video where they read tweets aloud and mark got super embarrassed when jaehyun read this tweet that gushed about his laugh, and mark just curled up into himself and couldn’t lift his head up and awkwardly laughed. he’s adorkable. please tease him and hype him up in this very same way just to get this cute reaction out of him.

RENJUN :: renjun is the one you can call when you have a body to bury and he’ll show up with the shovel. he’ll call you a stupid idiot, but he’ll still show up to help you. he’s the type that would come over at 3 a.m. if there’s a bug in your apartment and squash it for you after much complaining and telling you that he won’t do it. he’s fiercely loyal and caring. he took care of chenle when chenle wasn’t as proficient with korean and made sure he was doing ok and was always ready to translate for him whenever. he puts up a tough, ready to fight front, but he’s a scaredy cat and if you pretend to be a ghost (read: jisung), he’ll be scared shitless. you can see him get scared and hide behind jeno and hug him so hard when the zombie jumped out in one of those save dream interactive videos. he’s the person you can banter with and he understands dry humor and sarcasm, and I think he’s best for e2l story plot lines because of this lmao but he also fits the best friend role well. he will roast anyone with no mercy with just a few words. he’s artistic. he’s super good at art and has shared several of his beautiful digital drawings before. he’s the person to go to when you want to have long, serious talks at 4 in the morning, and as seen through his radio show, he will try his best to give you advice, even if he may not be experienced enough, but he is trying his hardest to help. if you read some of the advice he gives on his radio show, you can get a better sense of who he is as a person. he’s really insightful and puts a lot of effort into giving the best answer he can. also, he really reminds me of a little brother or someone I want to be best friends with because we can roast people together or talk about paranormal stuff. he just seems really fun to mess around with because he gives funny reactions. he gives off that younger sibling vibe where only your big sister can make fun of you, but once she sees someone else doing it, it’s not ok and she’s gonna go after that person for making her lil bro cry. in a relationship, he wants someone he can trust with his thoughts and interests, such as aliens, and while his s/o may not believe in them, he wants them to genuinely listen to him and not just brush it off. however, he will still roast his s/o into oblivion. it’s how he shows his affection lol. he’ll call you an idiot and cute all in the same sentence. but he’s really a soft and sensitive boy underneath his snappy, sarcastic exterior. he cried when they won first place for the first time. i’m sure he cried when ridin’ reached number one on the charts. he’s attentive and likes affection even though he tries to say he doesn’t. in that one weekly idol dreamie episode, hyuck listed who hated affection, and he wasn’t one of them. he’s a good boy, and underneath all his snarky comments, he wants to be loved and cared for. you can see how he got a lil huffy when jisung chose chenle as his favorite hyung lol he doesn’t express his feelings outwardly as much, but if you’re his s/o, he will quietly adore you in his own way while outwardly being that one snarky couple who banters all the time. he’ll draw pictures of you, secretly have you as his homescreen, or have a secret photo album on his phone of just pictures of you. he’ll complain if you get him a couple item, like a bracelet, but he’ll wear it 24/7 and refuse to give it back to you. he will absolutely lose his shit if he misplaces it. he’ll cook for you if you ask, but he’ll make a big show about fake complaining about it beforehand. I think he’s okay with hand holding and kisses here and there, but he won’t do grand gestures of pda because he thinks those should be more private and between the two of you. he thinks pet names are sappy as heck, and he’ll get terribly embarrassed if you call him one but he’d be like “that’s so gross and corny... but call me that again.” honestly, just tell him ily and his cheeks will turn so red and he’ll bury his face in his hands but he’ll say it back in the quietest voice and he truly does mean it with his whole chest.

JENO :: jeno is someone who fits in so many roles. his character is versatile in a sense. you can make him into a bad boy, the boy next door, your best friend, anybody. his humor is underrated, and he makes funny puns. he’s good at sarcasm and wit, like when he asked jisung if he thought jaemin’s iq was single digits or when the instructor complimented him and said his rap sounded like mark and he was like “oh.... that’s not good.” he worries about being funny. he mentioned losing sleep over it in weekly idol, so please tell him he’s funny and laugh at his jokes ): he really is funny, and i love his humor. jeno is really smart. he managed to rank 4th or something I believe in his school after cram studying the day before. he’s really self-assured and confident in himself, but he doesn’t show off or act cocky, yet you can sense the quiet confidence in him. he’s humble and works hard and deserves more credit than he’s given. he possesses leadership qualities and is a source of strength for other members. i think they said he was one of the cleaner members and when he’s drunk, he cleans LMAO he is into sports and gymming, especially biking. hyuck said that jeno’s bedroom has his and jaemin’s bikes hanging on the walls lol he also is really competitive, but not a sore loser type. jeno doesn’t strike me as the type who needs his s/o around 24/7 and prefers to have hobbies and space separate from his s/o. he’s laid back, but at the same time, still energetic and fun to be around. he’s still weird, but not over the top weird. jeno is insightful and kind, and he has stated that he’s very shy and timid before. doyoung likes him the most because he’s kind and respectful and takes into account other people’s feelings and listens well. he’s a good boy. he’s also really playful and teasing and plays well with others, like jisung jokes around with him all the time. I feel like jisung jokes around with him the most out of all his hyungs aside from chenle because jeno doesn’t get mad. i believe the members say he’s the only one aside from chenle who doesn’t get mad when someone messes up in dance practices. he cries when he gets angry. jeno is also really affectionate. he enjoys cuddling and holding hands and back hugs and whatnot, but he doesn’t overdo it. it takes a long time for him to trust and open up to someone, and you’re a very lucky person if he lets you see this side of him. he won’t force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. If something is bothering you, he won’t pry at first if you refuse to talk about it, but I do think he will eventually make you talk if he feels something is terribly wrong or if it’s affecting the relationship. jeno is driven and knows what he wants. he’ll give you space, but if you’re not what he’s looking for or if you don’t put the effort in as well and won’t open up to him, I do think he will move on. he might bottle up his emotions at first, but as the relationship progresses, he’ll be fully open to you and tell you everything. I don’t think he’ll be terribly affected if he’s rejected because he is confident in himself and able to brush it off. he knows his self-worth. oh, and he loves animals. obviously, jeno loves his cats because he has them even when he’s allergic. he’s the type of s/o who, if you mention you’re walking back to your dorm late at night after staying in the art building to finish your painting, he’ll show up with messy hair and his glasses in his sweats with a hoodie thrown on haphazardly and walk you back safely even without you asking. kiss him on his nose at random times just because you love him, and he’ll make that jeno trademark noise of confusion before giving you the prettiest eye smile that makes the moon dim in shame and nuzzling his face into your shoulder shyly. call him jeno darling or jeno love if you want to see the same reaction as before. it’s gonna be a total KO to his heart if you call him that and boop him on the nose with the softest kiss. anyway, jeno is the bestest boy in the entire universe, and give him all your love, please and thank you.

HAECHAN :: hyuck is so fucking talented. he’s good at everything: singing, dancing, rapping, variety shows, you name it. he was born to be an idol. he’s the golden one and excels at everything. he’s an ace, and he knows it. yeah, he’s cocky and brags about everything he does, but he actually has evidence and proof to back it up. plus, no one can stay mad at him for very long because have you seen how cute he is?? he’s a brat, but you still love him anyway. he’s good at sweet talking and getting what he wants. he plays a push and pull game, and you end up falling for him in the end. i know in fics on here, you often see jaemin in the playboy/fuckboy persona, but I think hyuck absolutely exudes this persona. he is able to read the room or a person and knows the exact way to act in order to get the reaction he wants. it’s hyuck’s world, and we’re all just living in it. he can have all of us eating out of the palm of his hand if he desires. i think he truly embodies the traits of a slytherin: ambitious and cunning. it’s every man for himself, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get what he believes he deserves and plays by his own rules. hyuck is so smart and intelligent, both in terms of brains and emotion. he’s absolutely brilliant, and he’s the type of person to ace an exam without even studying for it. I think he did very well in school, and he also beat doyoung in mental maths when they had a competition on weekly idol lol and he’s also street smart. there’s a reason why doyoung and taeil are scared of him and why they prefer to be on his team than against him lmao. I think hyuck is also a people pleaser though. he wants to be liked, and it’ll drive him crazy if someone calls him boring or shows no interest towards him. I think he’ll want a s/o who plays the push and pull game with him. he’ll playfully tease them a lot, and they’ll have to be interesting and able to dazzle him with their own wit and sarcasm. he, like renjun, is snarky and sarcastic. he likes to make people laugh and enjoys being the center of attention. he is super affectionate and rivals jaemin in this aspect. he thrives off of physical touches, hugs, cuddles, etc. he likes to cuddle when he sleeps, and I feel like he enjoys being the little spoon. he isn’t afraid of pda and will show off his s/o to the world with a loud kiss or back hug anywhere. he’s the type who would do that back pocket spin peter does to lara jean lmao. the two of you can laze around at home, while he plays video games on his computer and you can sit in his lap and he’ll do that thing where his arms are around you and his chin is on your shoulder. he’s a good cook, and he’ll cook for you, but he expects you to pay him back in kisses. his s/o might think he doesn’t pay attention to what they’re saying to him, but he does. he absolutely adores his s/o and remembers everything about them. he’s the type to surprise his s/o with their favorite flowers on a random day, and his s/o would’ve thought he wasn’t paying attention when they told him their favorite flower months ago. and please, please, please surprise him with flowers too because that will catch him off guard and you’ll see him blush and get flustered for once. it’s like when the dreamies first debuted, and chenle said hyuck was the best singer and he wanted to be like hyuck, and hyuck got really quiet and shy and flustered about it. however, he’d get really shy around his crush if they weren’t friends first. there’s that video of him returning something that twice’s mono dropped I think and he was so nervous before and afterwards. or there’s that time when he handed flowers to seungwoo and got so flustered as the dreamies teased him afterwards. also, I feel like sometimes people forget that so much hard work goes into what he does because he makes it look so effortless. hyuck works so hard in everything and puts his all into what he does. anyway, please appreciate hyuck and love him lots. he deserves to be showered in love and affection.

JAEMIN :: jaemin is like jeno in the sense that his character is also super versatile. you can make him fit any type of persona for your fic. jaemin is a sweetheart. his entire existence is love. hyuck said that he treats his members the same way he treats his fans in an episode of weekly idol before. he’s a really affectionate person as seen in the way he showers jisung with affection. he eats, sleeps, and breathes aegyo. you’re going to experience his aegyo a lot if you’re his s/o, so brace yourself. he even managed to make hyuck flustered when he kissed him in that recent reload era game video. he has a lot of love to give out, but he also wants the same amount of love in return. you can see how he craves for love from jisung in return and the way he gets a little upset when he doesn’t get it, like when jisung didn’t call him his favorite hyung. his s/o needs to be okay with being showered with affection and love, and they have to do the same for him. call him cute pet names, give him random kisses throughout the day, back hug him while he’s cooking, he will just absolutely glow and bask in your love. jaemin is good at cooking. he will cook for you, and if you cook, he’ll eat what you make with no complaints. it’s like that meme where person A gives person B a drink with salt in it, and person B drinks it all, and when person A asks why they did that even though it was salty, person B says it’s because they didn’t want to hurt person A’s feelings. jaemin is person B. he’ll also make you model for him and pose literally everywhere so he can take pictures of you because you’re the prettiest person in the entire world to him. he’ll make you his lockscreen, homescreen, hang up pictures of you in his room, all that jazz. he’s the one who buys couple items or outfits and makes you wear them with them. his entire Instagram account will be pictures of you or with you. however, he’s also petty af and nags a lot lmao. he complained to jeno when jisung said he wanted to eat bread at 3 a.m. and how he couldn’t go out to buy him any. he also nagged renjun in one of those dream vs dream videos for not having any questions about him, while all his questions were about renjun. or when he was sulking about jeno not knowing his favorite cartoon character. I believe he mentioned having extreme mood swings too where he’s either too quiet or too loud and out there, and as a s/o, you’d have to cater to both sides of him. jaemin is also an introvert. he’s very quiet and shy around strangers, but he’ll unleash his inner weirdness and loudness when he feels comfortable around you, and you’re in for a wild, fun ride. in that video where he and jeno were making cakes, he seems really hyper and wild. same goes for that video where they went out to eat, and jaemin was pouring soda into a glass dramatically. or when they played that dance game where you have to add onto the dance and copy the previous dances, and he added some random flailing motion and complained when someone did it wrong. or when he and renjun were paired up for that guessing game when they both had headphones on, and he started flailing everywhere and getting kinda frustrated at renjun for getting zero right. he’s a bit weird lmao. as his s/o, i hope you go along with his weird antics and have fun with him too! you also have to remind him to take care of himself. make sure he doesn’t drink that ungodly coffee drink of his or eat too much sugar. take care of him, love him, cherish him, and jaemin will be the best boyfriend ever. he might even set up a whole led light display for you at night declaring his love like he did for jeno. actually, no, he definitely will. he’ll do big grand gestures to show his love for you. he’ll fill your house with roses and press kisses to each of your fingertips with a different reason for why he loves you. he’ll continue to list the reasons for why he loves you for every star he sees until he runs out of stars, but he’ll never run out of reasons for loving you.

CHENLE :: chenle was born to be a star. he is so incredibly talented and picks up skills so quickly. it’s evident because he managed to debut after two months of training and he became fluent in korean quickly. he’s humble and gracious, and he’s the embodiment of that miss universe song: he’s beauty, he’s grace. he doesn’t flaunt his wealth, in fact, it only ever comes up because others bring it up. or he accidentally shows it off when he asks what rent means or when he tries to innocently rectify the situation, like when jaemin was like “oh his parents held a concert for him for his bday” and chenle was like “noooo no it was just to make a memory” on idol room lmao. the way he expresses his love is through gift giving. it shows in the way he told mark he’ll buy him anything he wants for his bday or when he gave apple watches to the 00 liners or when he immediately agreed to buy jeno a plane ticket to china to show him around his home. but he’s not trying to flaunt his wealth. this is simply how he shows his love. chenle is laidback and easygoing. he doesn’t care about jisung using honorifics with him, and he’ll go along with whatever’s happening. there’s that one video during mfal era where hyuck and chenle won the prize and hyuck was like “hey I’ll take the prize ok?” and chenle just immediately agrees and doesn’t care at all. but don’t get me wrong, chenle is super competitive. he wants to win, but it’s more about that feeling you get when you’re the winner, rather than the actual prize for him. he’s really into sports, specifically basketball, so i feel like he’d enjoy it if his s/o expressed some sort of interest in it with him. they don’t have to play basketball with him, but he’d appreciate it greatly if they listened to him talk about stephen curry or cheer him on from the sidelines. he’s affectionate. if you read my renjun description, chenle is the other one that hyuck said doesn’t mind affection from the other members on weekly idol. I don’t see him showing affection blatantly as much like hyuck and jaemin, but I think he loves receiving it. chenle obviously receives so much love from his family and is super close to them. he will love his s/o with his whole heart, and I hope his s/o will love him back just as much. also, I’m pretty sure he’ll love his s/o acting cute because his heart rate spiked up when jisung did aegyo on idol room lmao. I think he’s the only other extrovert in the dreamies, besides hyuck. I believe someone asked jaemin or skz hyunjin if they got close after the collab stage, and they said that they were really awkward with each other. however, skz felix and chenle became good friends! chenle is friendly and a people person. he thrives in social settings, and he’s a social butterfly. he’ll help people out of their shells and make sure to include them in conversations. he’s the type of person who would clear his throat and be like “hey y/n has something to say” if you tried to say something in a group convo and weren’t heard. he’s fine with being the center of attention, but he doesn’t actively seek out that position, like hyuck does. unlike hyuck, he’s not a people pleaser. I think he’s confident in himself, and he’s self assured and satisfied with who he is, so he doesn’t really care what others think of him. chenle is really playful. he likes to tease the other members and wreak harmless havoc lol you can see how he plays around with the other members, like in nct life where he just throws snow at jisung or scares jisung with a rubber chicken when they went to an amusement park in shanghai. he’s a thrill seeker. he loves roller coasters, shooting games, laser tag, etc. he gets excited over the littlest things, and he’s a naturally cheerful person who lights up the room and just naturally has people gravitate towards him. however, he has his serious moments too, and I can see him sitting next to his s/o behind the piano and playing something for them. but then, he’ll probably ruin the soft moment by slamming his hands down on the keys and scaring them at the end.

JISUNG :: jisung reminds me of high school puppy love. he’s curious about the world and introspective. he asked the fans to send him pictures of the moon because he couldn’t see it himself. I think he has a lot of deep thoughts and keeps them to himself because he’s introverted and nervous about sharing them aloud in case he’s not taken seriously as the youngest. he’s inquisitive and sweet, and he’s the culmination of everything good in the universe. he’s the one whom renjun talks to about aliens and paranormal things, and I believe he’ll want a s/o who will take him seriously on these things and listens to his concerns without teasing or making fun of him for believing in them. jisung is shy and gets embarrassed when he’s given compliments. there’s this video where the dreamies read compliments from fans aloud, and you can see how flustered and shy he gets as he ducks his head, has to pause and cover his face before playing with his hair as he reads through the compliments with the biggest smile peeking on his face. I think this is the cutest thing ever, and at the beginning of the relationship, if his s/o compliments him or does something cute, he’s going to react exactly like that. tell him his dancing is amazing, watch his fancams around him, tell him his face is nice to look at, etc. and you’ll see him get reduced to a flustered, blushing mess. the first time he sees you wearing one of his sweaters with the sleeves covering your hands and giving you sweater paws, he will combust and stutter and not be able to look at you as his cheeks turn red. he might just suffer a heart attack if you decide to casually call him a cute pet name one day. additionally, jisung is at that age where he wants to know what others think of him and he wants to be liked. I think this is the reason why he’s more hesitant about speaking up or voicing himself in an unfamiliar environment because he doesn’t want to give off a negative image. he’s also painfully shy, but he wants to make friends, which he explains on dancing high. because of this, he truly cherishes any friendship or relationship he has because it��s seen as something incredibly special to him. as his s/o, you’re gonna mean the world to him and he will value your opinion greatly. once he’s comfortable around you, he’ll be loud and talkative. jeno says that jisung talks the most at the dorm and he’s never quiet. jisung is also a lil shit lol, and he knows how to get out of things, like cleaning up after dinner by locking himself in the bathroom. he’s also a little lazy and probably not the cleanest tbh. he sleeps in jaemin’s bed or in the living room because he’s too lazy to go to his top bunk. he doesn’t listen to his hyungs and talks down to them in a playful way because he knows they’re whipped for him lmao. when the relationship progresses, jisung is going to act in the same, exact way with you. he’s a savage, and he will roast you in the same way he roasts his hyungs, like when hyuck wanted to go to LA with him for why not the dancer and he was like “you have to be good at dancing to go” (which btw, fight me, jisung, hyuck is literally the best dancer). he’ll tease you, hide items on the tallest shelf just so that you’ll call him for help, and smush your cheeks and call you cute. he’ll ruffle your hair and run up behind you and sweep you off your feet princess style just to scare you before carefully placing you back down or tossing you into the pool lol he may have complained about carrying renjun in that reload era game video, but he’ll give you piggy backs when you’re tired or carry you around if you asked. he likes playing video games and those block breaker game apps and when he loses, he’ll sit there and pout without realizing it. he does that little nose scrunch unknowingly, and it’s the cutest. he’ll like dates at home the best. he sucks at cooking, but he’ll try to do it for you. but it’ll end up with you cooking while he back hugs you, and you have to walk around the kitchen with him being a koala attached to you as you feed him bits of the food being made.

#asks #anonymous

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heyitsrcoor · 4 years ago

Text

Meet-cute

Genre: Fluff, unrequited love, friends-to-lovers

Pairing: Day 6 Jae x Reader

Length: One-Shot

Meet-cute [noun] /ˈmiːtˌkjuːt/:

(in a movie, etc.) a humorous or interesting situation in which two people meet, that leads to them developing a romantic relationship with each other. (Cambridge Dictionary)

ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Absolutely Smitten (Dodie Clark)

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◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►⠀⠀ ⠀ 1:17 / 3:48 ⠀ ───○ 🔊⠀ ᴴᴰ ⚙ ❐ ⊏⊐

•••

Your 12-hour shift at the hospital just ended. The census hasn’t gone down for days and while you’ve gotten so good at convincing yourself that you’re strong and resilient, you can feel the weariness seep in through your bones.

While walking to your apartment, you noticed that the bookstore on the corner of the street has finally opened its doors. A part of you wanted to walk past it, visit another day when you’re not wearing your nurse’s uniform, tired and sweaty. But the urge to scan the book selection was much stronger and so you find yourself pushing its glass doors. The bell chimes welcome you.

The warm lights and the smell of new books were enough to calm your weary soul. The bookstore was smaller compared to the well-known ones located at the malls, but it had the organic and cozy vibe of a library which you’re very much well pleased with. And the fact that it’s not crowded yet means you’ll be able to roam around freely.

You were feeling giddy when you finally reached the non-fiction section. Your eyes scanned each title, looking for any familiar ones that could be in your TBR list.

Finally, you see a white spine, “When Breath Becomes Air.” You grabbed for it hastily which caused the books beside it to topple down.

You bowed down to reach for the books but a hand beat you to it.

“Oh thank you.” You said as you stood upright. The person was really tall that you had to tilt your head a little bit to be able to see their face. You held your breath as you stood face-to-face with a handsome, bespectacled, human being.

“Was just looking for this.” He smiled as he held the book you accidentally dropped—Being Mortal by Atul Gawande.

You pretended to be cool about it like it’s not at all a big deal to meet your ideal guy (superficially speaking) in one of your most favorite places.

“Yeah? Sorry for accidentally pushing it to its death.” It sounded alright in your mind but having said it in words made you internally cringe.

He held the book and scanned it for dents. He shrugged, “Nah, it survived the fall—despite being mortal, oh God, that was so bad.” He let out a hearty laugh which you swore could melt an iceberg. “Anyway, thanks!” He smiles once more before turning his back.

Your heart deflated a little bit. Sharing a joke with a handsome stranger at the bookstore. Isn’t that the perfect recipe for a meet-cute? Except you’ll probably never meet again. Just another statistic of your “could-have-beens”.

Well, he could have asked for your name or YOU could have offered a book suggestion. Except he probably doesn’t find you attractive enough and you don’t have the guts to make the first move on a stranger.

You shrugged the thought away. Too much Kdramas and romcoms do screw your brain a little bit. You looked at your book once more. Right, maybe you should just fill your mind more with philosophies and thought-provoking stuff. Nonetheless, you can’t contain the smile forming on your face. Butterflies should stay in the gardens and not on your guts.

•••

When you said that book guy is just another statistic of a failed meet-cute, you were pleasantly surprised to find yourself wrong.

Two months later, you’re at a coffee shop waiting in line when you spot him sitting near the window.

He was wearing a white uniform, busy typing on the laptop in front of him. Unlike the scattered papers on his table, he looked serene. He adjusts his eyeglasses and you notice how slender and beautiful his fingers are.

“He’s a student.” You thought. Before you knew it, you started computing for your possible age gap. Given it has only been a year since you’ve graduated, 5 years would be the maximum gap if he’s a freshman. You cringed at the thought of dating someone younger. Moreover, you cringed at the thought that you’d actually date someone out of your league.

“Good morning! What’s your order?” The barista’s voice booms as if calling you out back to reality.

“Oh…yeah, uhh..” You proceeded to recite your order and another 5 orders of your co-nurses at SICU (Surgical Intensive Care Unit).

Waiting for your orders, you purposefully sat on a table that could give you the best vision of him in a very lowkey manner. Whatever that is.

You tried your best to be nonchalant but your eyes would subtly glance at him.

Oh wow, is that a great view from the window? You thought as you glide your eyes to where he was. To your surprise, he was looking at you too.

You dropped your gaze for a few seconds and looked up at him once again. He was smiling and your heart starts to palpitate.

Did he recognize you?

You watch him raise his hand, waving.

Entranced, you almost waved back but a person walks past you, her white skirt blocking your view of him. You watched her sit right in front of the book guy. Your book guy. She was wearing the same uniform as him. A classmate. A really pretty classmate.

You clenched your hand. You felt embarrassed, angry even. Angry at yourself for always expecting that someone would actually look at you. And stupid for thinking that meeting your soulmate would eventually be as exciting and memorable as the Kdramas.

The barista calls your name and you get up. You picked your orders and left without turning back.

•••

The thing about reality and romance is that not every encounter will be explosive. No, it won’t be as fast as love at first sight. Sometimes, love would come in the most mundane and gradual way possible.

A week later, you’d see book guy at your workplace. He’s one of the two med students on their clerkship assigned in your unit. He’d introduce himself as “Jae” and before you could do the same, he’d utter your name and everyone would be curious to know how you knew each other.

You’d dread the fact that he’d recognize your embarrassing moment at the coffee shop but he’d say that he actually recalls meeting you at the book store. And that he just read your name from your name tag.

Days, weeks passed.

Coincidence or not, your schedule would almost be the same and so you’d spend most of your shifts with Jae. You’d almost feel tired answering his seemingly endless questions.

You’d give him a heads up on what to expect on his first observation in the OR and he’d let you borrow a book in return.

You’d still catch yourself sneaking a glance at him but work would eventually drown his presence.

You’d sometimes spend your lunch together and you’d learn that you share the same taste of music and that he plays an instrument too.

You never seemed to run out of things to talk to and sometimes—a lot of times, you’d entertain that idea that he could actually like you.

But you knew that expectations lead to disappointments so you’d eventually settle your heart that whatever you had is just purely platonic friendship and you’d convince yourself that you are totally fine with that.

You thought that once he leaves your unit, whatever connection you had will mellow down. But then he asks for your number and his first text would be “Started benign in the morning, now I just assisted in delivering a baby. Is it normal to feel like crying?”

He’d send you memes about cats and your fave shows and soon you’d develop your inside jokes.

You tried your best to keep cool and ignore the butterflies but then something actually happens.

1 year later, he’d confess to you in the same coffee shop.

"I like you. I really like you." He said.

You’d be left speechless and be teary-eyed.

“How…? When?” You’d ask.

He said he could not forget how he was amused at your facial expression when you were picking your book at the bookstore. He said he would have stricken a longer conversation if not for his dad waiting on his car who was his ride at that time.

At the coffee shop, he noticed you while you recited the lengthy orders of your workmates and he was impressed.

He did smile at you but his classmate and partner in a school activity coincidentally arrived.

And no, he did not read your name tag. He knew about it when he heard the barista called you and he remembered.

When he saw the hospital he was interning at, he wondered if you’d be there. When he saw you at the unit he was first assigned at, his heart felt like it could jump out of his chest. He thought it was “fate” and it felt like fate because your schedules would usually coincide. He said knowing you more each day excites him and gives him joy. You were his kindred spirit and confidant. You just clicked.

And just like that, your unrequited-love streak comes to an end.

"Thank you." You answered and Jae's eyes started to quiver. He opens his mouth but no words came out.

Realizing your mistake you started to say sorry which made everything worse.

Jae forced himself to smile but you can see the pain in his eyes. He thought he was being rejected!

You took his right hand on the table and held it firmly. "I like you too, Jae."

His eyes widened and he started laughing.

"Oh God, I can't believe I'm capable of having 5 different kinds of emotions in less than 10 seconds."

"Cute," you muttered.

"Did you just call me cute!?"

You shook your head and smiled. "I mean... I guess you're my meet-cute after all."

-END-

#THAT WAS SO CHEEZY #i know #day6 #day6fanfic #day6 scenarios #day6au #meet cute #friends to lovers #day6 fanfic #day6 jae fanfic #day6 jae #park jaehyung

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dillydedalus · 4 years ago

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january reading

why does january always feel like it’s 3 months long. anyway here’s what i read in january, feat. poison experts with ocd, ants in your brain, old bolsheviks getting purged, and mountweazels.

city of lies, sam hawke (poison wars #1) this is a perfectly nice fantasy novel about jovan, who serves as essentially a secret guard against poisoning for his city state’s heir and is forced to step up when his uncle (also a secret poison guard) and the ruler are both killed by an unknown poison AND also the city is suddenly under a very creepy siege (are these events related? who knows!) this is all very fine & entertaining & there are some fun ideas, but also... the main character has ocd and SAME HAT SAME HAT. also like the idea of having a very important, secret and potentially fatal job that requires you to painstakingly test everything the ruler/heir is consuming WHILE HAVING OCD is like... such a deliciously sadistic concept. amazing. 3/5

my heart hemmed in, marie ndiaye (translated from french by jordan stump) a strange horror-ish tale in which two married teachers, bastions of upper-middle-class respectability and taste, suddenly find themselves utterly despised by everyone around them, escalating until the husband is seriously injured. through several very unexpected twists, it becomes clear that the couple’s own contempt for anyone not fitting into their world and especially nadia’s hostility and shame about her (implied to be northern african) ancestry is the reason for their pariah status. disturbing, surprising, FUCKED UP IF TRUE (looking back, i no longer really know what i mean by that). 4/5

xenogenesis trilogy (dawn/adulthood rites/imago), octavia e. butler octavia butler is incapable of writing anything uninteresting and while i don’t always completely vibe with her stuff, it’s always fascinating & thought-provoking. this series combines some of her favourite topics (genetic manipulation, alien/human reproduction, what is humanity) into a tale of an alien species, the oankali, saving some human survivors from the apocalypse and beginning a gene-trading project with them, integrating them into their reproductive system and creating mixed/’construct’ generations with traits from both species. and like, to me, this was uncomfortably into the biology = destiny thing & didn’t really question the oankali assertion that humans were genetically doomed to hierarchical behaviour & aggression (& also weirdly straight for a book about an alien species with 3 genders that engages in 5-partner-reproduction with humans), so that angle fell flat for me for the most part, altho i suppose i do agree that embracing change, even change that comes at a cost, is better than clinging to an unsustainable (& potentially destructive) purity. where i think the series is most interesting is in its exploration of consent and in how far consent is possible in extremely one-sided power dynamics (curiously, while the oankali condemn and seem to lack the human drive for hierarchy, they find it very easy to abuse their position of power & violate boundaries & never question the morality of this. in this, the first book, focusing on a human survivor first encountering the oankali and learning of their project, is the most interesting, as lilith as a human most explicitly struggles with her position - would her consent be meaningful? can she even consent when there is a kind of biochemical dependence between humans and their alien mates? the other two books, told from the perspectives of lilith’s constructed/mixed children, continue discussing themes of consent, autonomy and power dynamics, but i found them less interesting the further they moved from human perspectives. on the whole: 2.5/5

love & other thought experiments, sophie ward man, we love a pierre menard reference. anyway. this is a novel in stories, each based (loosely) on a thought experiment, about (loosely) a lesbian couple and their son arthur, illness and grief, parenthood, love, consciousness and perception, alternative universes, and having an ant in your brain. it is thoroughly delightful & clever, but goes for warmth and humanity (or ant-ity) over intellectual games (surprising given that it is all about thought experiments - but while they are a nice structuring device i don’t think they add all that much). i haven’t entirely worked out my feelings about the ending and it’s hard to discuss anyway given the twists and turns this takes, but it's a whole lot of fun. 4/5

a general theory of oblivion, josé eduardo agualusa (tr. from portuguese by daniel hahn) interesting little novel(la) set in angola during and after the struggle for independence, in which a portuguese woman, ludo, with extreme agoraphobia walls herself into her apartment to avoid the violence and chaos (but also just... bc she has agoraphobia) with a involving a bunch of much more active characters and how they are connected to her to various degrees. i didn’t like the sideplot quite as much as ludo’s isolation in her walled-in flat with her dog, catching pigeons on the balcony and writing on the walls. 3/5

cassandra at the wedding, dorothy baker phd student cassandra returns home attend (sabotage) her twin sister judith’s wedding to a young doctor whose name she refuses to remember, believing that her sister secretly wants out. cass is a mess, and as a shift to judith’s perspective reveals, definitely wrong about what judith wants and maybe a little delusional, but also a ridiculously compelling narrator, the brilliant but troubled contrast to judith’s safer conventionality. on the whole, cassandra’s narrative voice is the strongest feature of a book i otherwise found a bit slow & a bit heavy on the quirky family. fav line is when cass, post-character-development, plans to “take a quick look at [her] dumb thesis and see if it might lead to something less smooth and more revolting, or at least satisfying more than the requirements of the University”. 3/5

the office of historical corrections, danielle evans a very solid collection of realist short stories (+ the titular novella), mainly dealing with racism, (black) womanhood, relationships between women, and anticolonial/antiracist historiography. while i thought all the stories were well-done and none stood out as weak or an unnecessary inclusion, there also weren’t any that really stood out to me. 3/5

sonnenfinsternis, arthur koestler (english title: darkness at noon) (audio) you know what’s cool about this book? when i added it to my goodreads tbr in 2012, i would have had to read it in translation as the german original was lost during koestler’s escape from the nazis, but since then, the original has been rediscovered and republished. yet another proof that leaving books on your tbr for ages is a good thing actually. anyway. this is a story about the stalinist purges, told thru old bolshevik rubashov, who, after serving the Party loyally for years & doing his fair share of selling people out for the Party, is arrested for ~oppositional activities. in jail and during his interrogations, rubashov reflects on the course the Party has taken and his own part (and guilt) in that, and the way totalitarianism has eaten up and poisoned even the most commendable ideals the Party once held (and still holds?), the course of history and at what point the end no longer justifies the means. it’s brilliant, rubashov is brilliant and despicable, i’m very happy it was rediscovered. 5/5

heads of the colored people, nafissa thompson-spires another really solid short story collection, also focused on the experiences of black people in america (particularly the black upper-middle class), black womanhood and black relationships, altho with a somewhat more satirical tone than danielle evans’s collection. standouts for me were the story in letters between the mothers of the only black girls at a private school, a story about a family of fruitarians, and a story about a girl who fetishises her disabled boyfriend(s). 3.5/5

pedro páramo, juan rulfo (gernan transl. by dagmar ploetz) mexican classic about a rich and abusive landowner (the titular pedro paramo) and the ghost town he leaves behind - quite literally, as, when his son tries to find his father, the town is full of people, quite ready to talk shit about pedro, but they are all dead. it’s an interesting setting with occasionally vivid writing, but the skips in time and character were kind of confusing and i lost my place a lot. i’d be interested in reading rulfo’s other major work, el llano en llamas. 2.5/5

verse für zeitgenossen, mascha kaléko short collection of the poems kaléko, a jewish german poet, wrote while in exile in the united states in the 30-40s, as well as some poems written after the end of ww2. kaléko’s voice is witty, but at turns also melancholy or satirical. as expected i preferred the pieces that directly addressed the experience of exile (”sozusagen ein mailied” is one of my favourite exillyrik pieces). 3/5

the harpy, megan hunter yeah this was boooooooring. the cover is really cool & the premise sounded intriguing (women gets cheated on, makes deal with husband that she is allowed to hurt him three times in revenge, women is also obsessed with harpies: female revenge & female monsters is my jam) but it’s literally so dull & trying so hard to be deep. 1.5/5

the liar’s dictionary, eley williams this is such a delightful book, from the design (those marbled endpapers? yes) to the preface (all about what a dictionary is/could be), to the chapter headings (A-Z words, mostly relating to lies, dishonesty, etc in some way or another, containing at least one fictitious entry), to the dual plots (intern at new edition of a dictionary in contemporary england checking the incomplete old dictionary for mountweazels vs 1899 london with the guy putting the mountweazels in), to williams’s clear joy about words and playing with them. there were so many lines that made me think about how to translate them, which is always a fun exercise. 3.5/5

catherine the great & the small, olja knežević (tr. from montenegrin by ellen elias-bursać, paula gordon) coming-of-age-ish novel about katarina from montenegro, who grows up in titograd/podgorica and belgrad in the 70s/80s, eventually moving to london as an adult. to be honest while there are some interesting aspects in how this portrays yugoslavia and conflicts between the different parts of yugoslavia, i mostly found this a pretty sloggy slog of misery without much to emotionally connect to, which is sad bc i was p excited for it :(. 2/5

the decameron project: 29 new stories from the pandemic, anthology a collection of short stories written during covid lockdown (and mostly about covid/lockdown in some way). they got a bunch of cool authors, including margaret atwood, edwidge danticat, rachel kushner ... it’s an interesting project and the stories are mostly pretty good, but there wasn’t one that really stood out to me as amazing. i also kinda wish more of the stories had diverged more from covid/lockdown thematically bc it got a lil repetitive tbh. 2/5

#the books i read #long post #sonnenfinsternis is so good the audiobook nearly made me cry in the supermarket

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notcatherinemorland · 5 years ago

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More Hamlet Thoughts because i leave everything to the 11th hour . production continues to be the 2018 globe w/ Michelle Terry

Hamlet and Ophelia’s uhhhhh fight

Ham’s personality twists into cruel mockery of her at the line ‘Where’s your father’ and OHO the facial expressions

Ophelia kept trying to hold onto Hamlet’s hand and body and curl her fingers around hamlet’s hand and it was very heartbreaking . Hamlet was a ball of chaotic energy who scrabbled her hands off himself. rlly interesting to watch

this turned around with hamlet scrubbing over her face as he presents her to the audience’s 4th wall for the make up lines. and shoves her down to the floor at the end

the physical manipulation hamlet takes out on ophelia is a super interesting segue to the players scene

2 b / x 2 b

ham sat in the middle of the front of the stage and held the hand of an audience member who he talked he speech to. very intimate and closed and really interesting interpretation

im a nerd so i really like the juxtaposition of such a grand and philosophical speech being told on such an intimate and small scale

Hamlet’s still got his smudged clown makeup on

hamlet and horatio come across Very gay in the ‘something too much of this’ line. i vibe

hamlet decimated his friendship with R&G and i LOVED how Horatio held him and then forced him away to give him just a touch more character. this Ht loved R&G as well and i appreciate the bit of character we all try to give horatio

Horatio’s Emotions over R&G’s impending death is a++ give this man some emotional range

OH the ‘if your mind dislike anything, obey it’ can we PLEASE listen to horatio the lone voice of reason within elsinor’s halls

that’s not me being gay, that’s a legit analysis of Hamlet in that everyone in Elsinor has a twisted sense of reality and morality and Horatio as an outsider is immune and must watch in horror

the argument is flawed with R&G but hey it’s not my theory.

THE TRUMPETS . there’s live trumpets

the music they played to signal the half time of the play was wonderfully dissonant and i VIBE WITH THAT that is the ENERGY of Elsinor right there

honestly im annoying and i don’t particularly care for the play scene as an audience member. like academically the play within a play is rife with analysis but like. to just sit and watch it feels like such a halt in the energy

plus i really dislike it when they use gross physical comedy in the dumb-show because again. im annoying

anyway they only do the dumb-show (more tollerable than a lot) and they use drum beats and purcussion in place of lines, and have hamlet explain what’s going on with his lines. it’s certainly different and its a lot quicker than the text is

This Claudius is Prime Smarmy Politicians and is very indignant as he tries to pray and i REALLY LIKE HIM

The scene transitions are .. non existent in this play and i LIKE IT

the lines follow on immediately between scenes as the other characters are leaving the stage

i love how it supports the theme of acting this play has and how it breaks down the barrier for the audience of personal vs private

thats not quite what i want to say uhhhhh. in other productions some of the scenes are really discreet from each other- like how pearl necklaces have stoppers between the pearls- and that’s especially evident in films, but here it’s the opposite and the scenes bleed into each other to create a really fast paced and chaotic energy and i REALLY LIKE IT

‘personal vs private’ is on god my favourite theme in hamlet and the way it works with the audience creating it here is GREAT

Closet scene... OH BOY

this hamlet is CRUEL oml

the ghost enters after hamlet spends 3 minutes berating his mother and she’s crying on the floor by the audience and hamlet immediately stops and starts weeping

‘oh save me’ sounds so small and childlike and it really showcases the love between them

not that kind of love, sigmund fucking freud. get your mind out the gutter

the disdain hamlet has for gertrude absolutely breaks my heart but that’s a me thing because i haven’t been able to see my mother in person for coming up on a month due to quarantine :(

added an extra hug before ham leaves .. v sweet

Claudius comes barreling in and picks up ham’s dropped sword. :eye emoji: doesn’t put it down until Hamlet’s brought in for questioning. but he’s still holding a book (english dictionary presumably?) and this act of holding a sword for 2 scenes WILL be reiterated time and time again in ever hamlet essay i write forever to whatever end i so desire because it’s easy to manipulate to my own purposes. bless this moment

There’s a seagull that keeps interrupting claudius at perhaps the funniest possible moments in his soliloquies and honestly WHERE is it’s Olivier

Ophelia’s madness isn’t as explicit as it is in other versions, but watching her tumble into emotions and lack of restraint is so, so heartbreaking.

this is one of the productions of hamlet that makes a really convincing case for ‘madness’ in elsinor being synonymous to speaking one’s mind and being truthful about one’s heightened emotions and like. i Love that interpretation

lets be real i love 99% of hamlet interpretations

the 1% is freud. fuck that guy

I’m Digging the parallel of Ophelia’s emotional outburts of grief (in madness) to Laertes incensed outburst of grief . ohoho

Laertes gets rosemary and pansies, Claudius gets fennel and columbines, Gertrude gets the rue, Audience member gets the daisy and the thought of violets

unfortunately i once wrote a shite poem about gertrude and weather she know of the poison in the cup at the end and unfortunately that’s all i can think about for the last 40 mins of the play hfdhgjgghjhgj

im annoying so i read along with the play and the duets Claudius and Laertes make of the meter and the word formatting on the page comes across really different on stage, which is super interesting.

not to be really fucking dramatic but i read in the info packet of this play that the pillars on the stage are actually tree trunks carved and painted to look like marble and considering how many times i had to hear the words ‘appearance vs reality’ in my english class, i think im allowed to use the smirk emoji about how the setting of the globe is Integral to Hamlet as a play

i am itching to write an entire 4000 word tirade about the use of the physical body in hamlet because between the actual acting on stage, polonius, ‘one auspicious and one dropping eye’ and all whole host of references made to physical body parts i am going feral

PLUS this one incorporates sign language

i actually hate the word incorporates but needs must

The Ophelia’s death speech is of course wonderful, but i can’t stop thinking about how John Everett Millais made his model (who’s name escapes me in a terrible irony because i got this information from an exhibition about the female pre-raphalites) sit in a cold bath for hours on end whilst he sketched and it made her very ill because the fire went out and she was sat nude in a bath of cold water for hours.

Gravedigger only has the songs and the hamlet interaction, and he wears a high vis jacket. he’s also played by the ghost’s actor, which whilst understandable in such a small cast, amuses me greatly

Hamlet’s got his hair tied back and in a military style jacket, and marches around with Horatio who’s in a hoodie and a black duffle coat (absolutely a student) and the same tight plait. Ham’s definitely meant to be sane now, he speaks very brusquely and all but marches around the stage

Not To Make An Edelgard Reference But edelgard’s cause in 3H was also cemented by a timeskip and a military outfit and a brusque personality hehehe

Hamlet gets into the ‘grave’ to chat to Yorick which, again, i will use in every relevant essay i will write and manipulate this scene to whatever end i desire and on god i thank this production for this

a level me would have gone feral

current me is also going feral

Grave Scene: a terrible one for your family to walk in and ask what the fuck you’re watching

Polonius’ actor plays the priest. yes, capsule wardrobe of a cast, i know but i’m an english student it’s my duty to wring every irrational inch of analysis out of this thing

i won’t trail on about unsubstaniated interpretations of Polonius’ parenting skills and fate in Hamlet but on god i will find an essay about it

i always enjoy it when someone leaps in the grave .. the melodrama... the meaning... the liminal spaces...

the DRAMA of seperating feral laertes and the really calm and imposing hamlet is excellent and a bit hilarious and the camera is going nuts

i’m very aware that everyone is now traipsing about over the grave in the middle of the stage and THAT’S a fun dynamic you don’t get from film or text

ok I’ve just noticed the video has the ‘top chat replay’ going and the very first line i saw is ‘what if hamlet had tiktok’ and i am CRYING

Ophelia’s actor also plays Osric and is a) absolutely hilarious and b) again, capsule wardrobe of a cast will not stop me from analysing everything and anything this play may or may not offer me.

im not saying hamlet is a play about inheritance and the burden of it, but also... isn’t it :eye emoji:

if bloody fire emblem fates can do it so can i, step off

Fencing scene: oh thank god it’s nearly over

The hearts on their fencing get ups parallel Hamlet’s clown outfit with a heart on the sleeve Very Nicely

Gertrude isn’t wearing her headpiece anymore .. ohoho dispelling the trappings and suits of dishonesty, if you will

The duel is a) bloody terrifying because sword fighting and b) judged by Osric (Ophelia) and the poetry of having ham & lae’s duel waged over and judged by Ophelia is absolutely excellent

Claudius’s aside (or to laertes? camera didn’t follow) had no right to be as humorous as it was jdfsghfkd

Gertrude figured out it was poison in this one. Nice

I like the call and response effect of ‘Treachery! Seek it out! / It is here Hamlet’ they made with Hamlet running around they stage to find little propped up Laertes

The dramatic eye contact of Hamlet and Claudius as he forces him to drink the poison.... OH HECK YES

the way they sink to the floor in a pair, with hamlet crawling over his body to make sure he dies... oh LORD

the swing hamlet does with his arm to the audience to cast them as ‘the unsatisfied’ was EXCELLENT and i would like that in every production of hamlet please

the tussle of horatio and hamlet over the cup..... iconic.... and i enjoy the parallel of that to hamlet with claudius as they’re stood in the same corner

The harsh projection of Hamlet’s voice and the blunt manner of his words about Fortinbras’ inheritance of denmark against the soft way Horatio rocks Hamlet back and forth ... i want to CRY

Horatio got to have emotional range in this production .. wonderful

i always enjoy the way the play tails off with politics in a room of dead bodies.. the layers the absolute onions

how none of the drama within the castle has any meaning to anyone outside of it is Excellent

and then the way the prison and enclosure of elsinor is finally broken with military force in parallel to the tumultuous interpersonal relationships within it... i vibe yet more

they actually ended with ‘go bid the soldiers shoot’ which i enjoy a lot!!!! and the music is wonderful

then they all start doing this dance which i think is meant to be about the themes of the play and to be perfectly honest it’s a bit crunchy for me but the music absolutely slaps!!!

final thoughts:

that sure was a hamlet production and i thought it had a lot of heart and did some new things very very well!!!

and i loved the emphasis they put on the costuming!!!!

overall: a solid hamlet. very nice. i greatly enjoyed it!!!!

#hamlet blogging #OH BOY THIS IS LONG THIS IS SO LONG

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dimeforhispocket · 6 years ago

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As if it’s Our Last (Part 1/2)

Nafla x fem!reader

Rating: Mature

Genre: some angst but a ton of fluff

Word count: 12k

Summary: lifetime opportunities only come once, don’t they?

Notes: situationship, implied sexual content, you can also read on my AO3

Situationship (as defined by our good friend, urban dictionary): a relationship that has no label on it, like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship

You can’t believe your ass. If God himself came to you in a vision and told you that your dream man of all your hip hop fantasies would find you and ask you to dance, you’d have laughed and said, “Thank you, I gotta write this down when I wake up.”

So when the man himself — the man whose voice is always echoing through your earphones, whose face is taped to your bedroom wall, whose albums have their own special decorated shelf — appears behind you in the darkness of the night club sending appreciative smiles at the way your body moves, you do a double take. A triple, even.

The first time because you wanted to make sure you weren’t so drunk that you started to hallucinate your favorite rapper’s face amidst the warm bodies up in the club, the second to check to see if he was sending the smile to anyone else. And when you blink back the surprise, you chance a smile back. You really don’t know what to expect at this point, or what to even think, but you’re floored by the steps he takes to dance closer to you.

With the way that he’s dancing, there’s no mistaking the flirtiness in his movements. You would read it as so if any other guy at the club tonight approached you in the same way. And as much as you want to relish the fact that the man beyond your dreams is actually hitting on you right now, you can’t hold back the excitement.

So without anymore restraint, you lean in to shout, “Wow, are you really Nafla?!”

You can just barely hear his soft laugh at your question before he smiles and nods, which is admittedly easier than shouting back his answer. You dramatize your responding “oh my god, I love you” as you continue to dance beside him.

He smiles back like he knows, and you can see his lips move around the words ‘thank you.’ You really need a good ten minutes to just take all of him in; his face, his aura, his clothes, his height, his skin, his body, how comfortable he is just dancing in this surprisingly respectful crowd. You suppose it makes sense since this is one of the more high-end clubs in the city, so the clientele is a little more mature than all the ones frequented by the college and fresh graduate crowd.

You need those minutes, but one of your favorite songs comes on and it is physically impossible for you not to enjoy it and pull out all your best dance moves. So you cry happily at the song transition and let your body roll and pop and bounce to every bass boost, hand clap, and drum that bumps the room with energy. As you dance, you steal glances back at Nafla every so often to see if his attention is still on you, and to your delight, he seems like he hasn’t looked away.

God, are you really not dreaming right now? Are you really dancing with Nafla from MKIT RAIN after he just showed up beside you like any other regular dude trying to pick up a girl at the club? Is he really just trying to pick you up right now? Here of all places? Out of all these people? Really, truly, what are the odds?

You dance together for a couple more songs and just enjoy the vibe together because this DJ’s set just keeps getting better and better. It’s like he based the entire thing off of playlist in your own music library — which is something you were hoping for when you came in tonight, since you researched him online before coming to this club in hopes that he’d play something similar. But it all feels too good to be true; you’re dancing with your favorite K-hiphop rapper to some of the best music in this amazing club, and no one is bothering you two. It’s as if no one recognizes him or just doesn’t care that Nafla is here, dancing like a regular attendee.

So to roll with the motions of dancing with a guy who’s interested in you, you let him dance closer and closer to you until he’s got his hands on you. And wow, he’s not the biggest guy, but he’s got some of the firmest hands you’ve ever felt on your hips right now. He’s keeping a respectful couple of inches between you, so you bring your arms to wrap around his neck to show him you’re fine with closing the distance.

He’s kind of a tease, because even when you try to inch closer, rub your hips towards him, dancing a little more sensually to the music playing, he kind of just lets you. And when he doesn’t make a move to touch you further, you start to lose your courage. Maybe he isn’t trying to pick you up after all?

However, in a last ditch effort, your courage spikes again with the start of another one of your favorite jams and you move your hands down his shoulders and arms and twirl sensually in his grip until your back is to his chest. When the chorus peaks, you arch your back and move your ass across his hips like you’re trying to smear him in your pheromones.

To your delight — and relief — he grinds back, and it’s like a switch has been flipped in him. While he had cautious hands before, now they’re rolling all over the length of your body. He’s touching at your sides, your thighs, your stomach, your arms, and you feel your skin tingling with excitement as he gets closer to your crotch. “I like watching you dance.” He surprises you with the surprise murmur by your ear.

“I like you dancing on me.” You say back, hoping he heard you through the music. You’re inclined to believe that he did, with the way that he responds by pushing your thighs back to bring your ass harder against his hips.

And suddenly, your brain sounds louder than the entire club, because you’re internally screaming to yourself that you have Nafla’s bulge pressed into your behind. Nafla is grinding against you like he’s trying to take it further. Oh god, what are you to do? Will your dreams of becoming one of Nafla’s bedroom groupies come true??

It’s not long before he turns you back around in his arms to hug you closer, ask you for your name, exchange a few more flirty words lip-to-ear, and then exchange spit lip-to-lip. He tastes amazing. The different mixed alcohols and sodas mask it, but he’s got a manly and robust taste about him. You can’t even begin to describe it, so you just taste. You move your lips in tandem with his and let his tongue peek into your mouth every so often.

He’s a better kisser than the average guy at the club, which gives you reason to believe that he’ll be even more talented in other ways. The way he holds you makes you feel enveloped in him, like his arms and scent and presence just pull you in to completely surround you. Your own hands trail up his back and hold onto his shoulders as he kisses you further, making you dizzy in a way that the alcohol never could.

Your heart is jumping in your chest not only because freaking Nafla is kissing you, but also because he’s kissing you so good. Is this what it feels like to make out with someone you’ve only been able to fantasize about? Is it truly possible for dream men to fall right into your lap and give themselves to you? God, no one will believe you if you retell this to someone. You’re still not 100% sure that this is really Nafla and that this is really happening to you right now.

But when he pulls away with the most satisfying smacking sound, you blink at that unmistakable face and listen to that irreplicable voice when he leans back in to say, “You taste so good.”

If he wasn’t practically holding you up as he pulled you in to kiss you again, you might’ve actually fainted on him. Fuck, how can he say that to you?? This feels so, so dangerous and comparable to a high that can only be achieved by drug intake. Because you’re absolutely hooked onto him right now.

You kiss for who knows how long, and you don’t even know if the music is good anymore. Nafla eventually pulls away though, only to lean in to ask, “Wanna get outta here with me?”

Yes!!!!!

Absolutely yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God, a fucking million times yes. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, when are you ever going to get a chance like this again?? Fuck!!!

But— “I can’t.” You squeeze your eyes together like you’re in pain, “I can’t leave my friend tonight. I promised.”

“Ah.” Nafla sounds and looks disappointed, though maybe not as much as you are.

Before you can stop yourself, you lean in to say, “But if you wanna come back tomorrow night… I can meet you here.” You hope to God that that didn’t sound desperate.

He smiles at you like an adult does at a kid when they propose something silly, but leans in anyway, “I can’t make it.”

You dramatically tilt your head to the side with a pout before leaning in again, “That’s a shame.” Then a quick glance over to the door between the table area and the bathrooms has your mouth running again before you can think, “How about a quick trip to the back then?”

You tilt your head again in a way that you hope looks cute and alluring, and Nafla stares at you for a moment before breaking into a small chuckle again and nodding, “Sure.”

When you pull his hand across the back of your waist into your hand, you swear you feel sparks. Enough to make the fire in your core light up. You giggle and turn around towards the door you spotted earlier. On the way, you spot your friend at the bar talking to someone, so you quickly talk in her ear, “I’ll be right back” and send her wink before leading Nafla to the back.

Now, you’ve never actually been behind this door, so you don’t know what to expect. But you are somewhat relieved when you open it to find a small, dim hallway rather than a dusty, tight supply closet. The door on the other side probably leads to the parking lot out back or possibly more storage.

But you figure this is private enough, so you put rest your back against the wall and Nafla follows to close the door and press his chest into yours. “You’re a wild one, huh?”

“You followed me here, didn’t you?” You shrug, putting your arms around his neck again, waiting for him to come in for another kiss.

“True,” he agrees, coming in to gently caress your nose with his, “I’m curious.” And he’s kissing you again, in that absolutely perfect way that he does. You already knew that the guy has some talented lips, what with the music he puts out, but this is a whole ‘nother art form. He kisses you like he’s known you for ages, like he loves you or something, and you are so far gone into him that you can’t do anything else but fall.

Can all of your hopes and dreams really come true like this? Nafla is already here and interested in you and he’s good at this?? You want so badly to find out more, more about him and how amazing he is in all kinds of ways. This unbelievable proximity just drives your insatiable hunger to learn more about him in ways that you won’t be able to find online. You’re so excited that you can feel your knees buckling beneath you.

And when he puts his hands on you, fuck , he’s as good with those as he is with his mouth. He puts the perfect amount of pressure on your breasts as he rolls them in his fingers and palms. When he starts moving down to kiss at your neck, you wonder if it’s becoming too much. This is all becoming too unreal. Like— Nafla’s hand is trailing up your dress.

He teases you for a good couple of minutes until you start to beg him, which he seems to find amusing. When you’re both finally worked up enough on each other’s touches and heavy breaths, Nafla pulls his pants down and approaches you until—

“Wait.” You stop him by the shoulder, “Don’t you have a condom?”

“No, I don’t.” He says, “I wasn’t planning on doing anything here, but I… had a change of heart.” He locks you in with his bedroom eyes. Fuck. “But I’ll be careful.” He starts to lean back in.

“Stop… Stop.” You have to say it twice because your voice barely came out the first time. You’ve lost a lot of strength just being with him for a few minutes like this. But you have to make yourself clear, so you clear out your throat before continuing, “Look, I think you’re so cool and so fine, and I can’t even believe I’m here with you right now. But I don’t care who you are, I’m not letting you in here unless you have one on.”

You’re breaking your own heart by saying this, but no matter whose dick it is, you still have to take care of yourself. You’ve followed this man for years, but you still don’t really know much about him. Who knows how many people he’s slept with? Or if he’s clean? Or if he’ll be there for you should something happen? You love him, but… you still have to be careful.

Nafla takes a moment but backs away with a sigh, “I get that.”

But before he can zip up his pants again, you say, “I can give you a little suck though.” And to prove it, you drop to your knees on this somewhat gross floor and look up at him with the soft, fluttery eyes that you’ve practiced over the years to put men under your control.

Much to your satisfaction, Nafla is no different to the effect, and he lets out a shaky breath before combing his fingers through your hair. “Fine,” he says.

So you flash him the most sultry smile in your artillery — also one you’ve been honing for a good amount of time — and by the time he’s in your mouth, he might as well have been pleading with the desperation you see in his eyes. Needless to say, you give him the time of his life, and you know that you’re going to be replaying these noises he makes in your head for weeks to come. You’re making Nafla feel good and he’s totally about to come apart in your hands.

When he finishes and you come back up with the most cheeky smile on your lips, Nafla groans as he pulls you in for another kiss, “God, I wanna fuck you so bad right now.”

Fuck, so do you. So bad. Hearing him say that right to your face, you really wish you had prepared a few condoms of your own. But this dress doesn’t have the storage capacity for that and it’s not like you were planning to get freaky tonight anyway. How the fuck were you supposed to know Nafla was going to come right up to you and practically beg to get in your pants tonight?? Of all nights.

“Mm, I know the feeling.” You manage to say between more kisses.

“You’re so good with your mouth.” He grunts, “I bet you sound real cute when you scream too.”

A shudder rolls down your back, and you have to catch your breath in a few dizzy chuckles, “Yeah, if you can make me.”

“Oh, believe me, I want to.” His voice is gravelly as he traces his lips up your neck back to your ear, “You sure you don’t wanna come back with me tonight?”

You whine, letting your head fall back against the wall, “I do. So bad. But I can’t leave my friend on her own. Not tonight.” You regrettably shake your head, then comb your fingertips through his hair that’s faded with color. “Too bad, I could’ve been the best lay of your life.”

Nafla breaks out in laughter at your nonchalant confidence and comes in to kiss you again. This time, you can feel a shift in his mood, like his kiss is full of newfound conviction, “Fuck it,” he breathes, taking out his phone from his pocket, “Come meet me tomorrow night.”

“What?” You’re confused and dumbfounded, because it sounds like your dreams may still come true.

“You better prove to me that you deserve that title,” he leans in to press his forehead to yours, and you both laugh.

You feel like you should expect to wake up from your dream soon, since the best part is clearly coming up — that’s when you’re usually rudely awakened during a fantastic dream. But Nafla’s touch just feels too real, too sweet, too feasible to be imagined. You’ve never felt like this when touched by someone before.

And when he lets you go for the night to return to your friend, you still can’t believe what just happened to you. You dance with her for the rest of the night like nothing out of the ordinary happened to you and when you go home, you check your phone again to confirm it. Yes, Nafla’s contact info is actually there, and the MKIT RAIN rapper actually did send you a private message and a location on where to meet him tomorrow night.

It’s unreal. Completely unbelievable.

He sent a follow up text earlier in the day to bring a swimsuit (with a winky face) so obviously you spent the entire day swimsuit shopping after you woke up from your night out. There’s technically nothing wrong with your plain two-piece — it looks rather good on you — but if Nafla was going to see you in it, you’d like to know if there are better options for you.

After several hours going all over the city in search of something impressive, yet still you, you found a simple, but stylish bikini set. The design made it a little provocative, but it otherwise covered everything it needed to cover, and stably at that. You were quite happy with your choice and you honestly couldn’t stop staring at yourself in the mirror for a good half hour before you finally started getting ready to leave.

And now you’ve shown up to the address in a little black dress since you realized you knew nothing else about what to expect and you can’t go wrong with a universal look. Though now that you’ve shown up to this grand hotel building, you’re starting to get nervous. When you reach the 35th floor like Nafla said in his text, you follow the signs that point to the rooftop bar and pool lounge. And you’re stopped by an usher.

Or receptionist? Or guard?? He didn’t tell you this was an invitation exclusive event!! You are clearly not part of any important lists!!!

When the usher asks for your name, you nervously tell them you were invited by Nafla and show them the text messages he sent you as reference or evidence. Whichever works. “Okay, I’ll just write you down as part of MKIT RAIN’s party then. They’re not here yet, but you can come in first.”

“Thanks…” you say as you slowly trudge into the enormous rooftop space.

The place is bumping . There’s a DJ, drinks and food platters everywhere, people dressed in party casual or provocative swimwear, and what’s tripping you up the most is that… there are famous people everywhere . You know almost all of these guests!! Not personally, but through your computer screen, your music library, your social media, everything that connects you to your favorite artists in Korea… and for some reason, they’ve all congregated here tonight… in one place…

And you were invited…

So when that receptionist said she’d add you under MKIT RAIN’s party, that must’ve meant everyone from all the other labels are here too?? Fucking unbelievable. Suran and Hoody are talking over drinks by the pool, at least three of the MBA guys are crowding the bar, DJ Pumkin is joining the current DJ in prep to transition to his set — and you now realize that the current DJ was actually Primary. All of these amazing people are here, and there’s a number of other individuals you don’t recognize or know but are all intimidatingly attractive, and you’re beginning to feel less and less like you’re supposed to be here.

So obviously the first thing you do is make straight for the bar and order a double shot of vodka and orange. You offer up your card but the bartender says all the drinks are paid for tonight. “Oh. Thank you.”

“The bar’s always free during an event like this. You new or something?” A voice chuckles beside you, and you almost spit out your vodka when you turn to see Jay Park speaking to you.

“Holy fucking shit.” You curse, wiping at the droplet that escaped the corner of your mouth. “Jay Park?”

“Yeah.” He gives you a weird smile, like it’s obvious, “So you are new?”

“Clearly.” You take another gulp of your drink, “I was uh… invited by someone. But I didn’t realize it was gonna be such a big event. I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually allowed to be here.”

“Oh, well if you’re here with a friend, then you’re clearly welcome. Who you here with?” Jay Park is asking you questions and trying to make you feel welcome. Are the gods giving you a little too much right now? Is there a catch?

“N-Nafla…” you don’t know if you should be name-dropping like that, but what else are you supposed to do? You’re not affiliated with anyone else — that is, if you can even consider what you assumed was a booty call an affiliation with the guy.

“Nice! I don’t think those guys are here yet, but feel free to hang around and mingle. You don’t gotta be too nervous.” Jay reassures you and raises his glass for you to clink with him.

You smile appreciatively and tap your drink against his before taking another swig. In a normal situation, if the Jay Park appeared before you, you would attack him with a slew of questions and professions of love as a fan, but you can’t really do that here on a rooftop full of celebrities and their friends. It would take the whole night and you’d look idiotic, maybe to the point of getting kicked out.

That is the last thing you want, especially when you haven’t even seen Nafla yet tonight. This has really turned into a lot more than a lucky lay with your favorite rapper. Jay’s chatter with his other friends fades into background noise as you continue to scope the area for a head of a faded red hair, and simultaneously wonder how you’re supposed to approach anyone here when you don’t know a single soul personally.

However, the answer comes to you suddenly when one of your favorite mainstream hip hop songs starts playing — you’ll just do it like you do at the club, by dancing. “I like this song.” You announce to no one in particular. Quickly, you finish your drink and set it back on the counter before swinging around in your chair to approach the small dance floor area surrounding the DJ booth with a beat to your step.

The crowd is rather small compared to the club even on a slow night, but it’s enough to let you blend in as you start moving your hips and limbs in casual tandem with the song Primary is playing. You don’t know a lot of the faces in this crowd, so you’re guessing a lot of the girls here may be dates or close friends or staff also invited to join the party. They all seem perfectly capable of having a good time, at least.

Pretty soon, you’re starting to feel the groove mix in with the starting waves of the vodka, and you dance with slightly less inhibitions than you started with. Some of the other dancers are even encouraging you and letting you join in. They even start a little dance circle in the middle of the floor to let everyone show off a bit, and obviously you can’t disappoint, so you throw out a few of your better moves to get some loud encouragement. It works, and you’re dancing along like it’s just another night out — only with a super higher end crowd.

As it turns out, it’s as easy to attract famous guys as it is to attract regular guys at the club when you know how to dance a little and dress up nicely. They just come to you, trying to dance with you, offering you drinks, asking your name, the works. You’re friendly to them all — and the girls too — though you do your best to keep to yourself when guys look like they’re seriously trying to approach you.

Which is fucking hard, because hello?? Some of these guys you actually listen to on the daily on your commutes to work and for your workout playlists!!! Temptation is everywhere tonight, especially when it’s just coming right up to you, but you’re here for one man and one man only. No amount of liquor is going to make you forget that tonight.

Though you are caught by surprise when someone’s drink ends up splashing across the entire front of your dress. There was some sort of accident that sent the drink owner tumbling back and spilling his sangria all over you. Now there’s a commotion over you and the guy who spilled the drink on you is apologizing profusely. However, you’re far gone enough to reply with a calm laugh, which seems to surprise the people around you a bit. “It’s cool, I’m fine. But uh…” You look around, wondering what the hell you’re gonna do now in a wet dress.

Until your eyes land on the pool. “I’m just gonna…” You point your thumb over to the pool that overlooks the edge of the hotel roof, “wash it off, I guess.”

“Uh, yeah. For sure…” The guy replies. He’s in the middle of offering to have your dress replaced but stops mid-sentence when you start unzipping the garment by a lounge chair.

When you pull the whole thing off of your shoulders and drag it down to step out of it to lay on the back of the lounge chair, you hear a few cheers and whistles. “Guess you were prepared, at least.” Someone comments. Was that a fucking producer whose beats you hear on the regular??

You just laugh with a shrug before stepping towards the pool. Looking down at your now bikini-clad body, you see some of the red wine still trailing down your skin as you take the few steps up to get into the long, somewhat narrow pool. Some of it ended up in your hair too, it seems.

There is a small number of people in the pool too, but it looks like they’re all chatting with each other in their groups of friends, so you kind of just wade around and let the pool water wash away the remnants of the sangria from your skin. You also take a few moments to relish in the absolutely gorgeous view of the city from here. The question keeps coming back to attack you: are you really here right now?

Is any of this real? How did you end up in a place where all these incredible artists are just here to chill with their own friends? Was Nafla right in his head last night when he invited you to come here? Gosh, you can’t even begin to wonder how you’ll get through the rest of this night.

While you’re sinking into your thoughts, you kind of just let your head submerge under the water too. Might as well get the wine out of your hair as well, and your makeup is waterproofed enough to withstand a short submersion. Right when you come up for air though, you hear a voice nearby that you’ve been listening for all night.

Turning around, you spot him, right by the other lounge chairs near the dance floor, “Nafla!” The brightest, dopiest smile stretches across your face. You must look way too eager. And that’s when you remember you must also look like a wet seal or something right now since you just popped out of the pool.

He calls your name back in response, obviously surprised to see where you came from. “Hey,” you try to dial down the smile a few watts as you approach the edge of the pool. There’s a marble step used as a seat in the way though, so you just stand on it with your knees and let your upper torso emerge from the pool as well as you lean your hands and forearms on the edge. Arching forward as if it’ll get you closer to hear him when it’s really just your own eagerness jumping out, you take a breath to calm yourself, “I uh… I’ve been looking for you.”

“Oh, this is the guy you’ve been waiting for all night?” One of the guys who was on the dance floor with you earlier and was probably having a conversation with Nafla and his friends at first (you try to ignore the fact that several of the MKIT RAIN members are standing right here in front of you too, on top of all the other excitement), pats him on the back. “Lucky you, dude. She really knows how to dance.” He praises.

“Ah…” You shyly chuckle back, running a hand down your wet hair.

“Yeah, I know.” Nafla agrees with a playful, yet somewhat secretive smile. “But you decided to take a dip instead of kicking it on the dance floor?”

“Oh, uh, my dress… it got wet. So I just came in to clean the wine off.”

“Oh my god, yeah dude. You should’ve seen it! Junho was trying to pull that move, you know that one? And then—“ The guy from the dance floor explains the encounter for you, so at least you have a witness instead of sounding stupid that you now no longer have clean clothes for the evening.

“Ah, that sucks. Well, you can use one of the hotel robes or something later, it’s probably not a big deal.” Nafla suggests, “Unless you wanted to keep swimming?”

“No, no. It’s cool. I— I want to join you.” You wonder if it’s too bold of a statement to make, but what else can you say when you mainly came here on the pretense of fucking him tonight?

He doesn’t seem to take any offense to it though as you step out of the pool. You try to wring out as much water as you can from your hair and skin before dance floor guy comes up and offers you a towel. “Thank you.” You smile gratefully at him as you carefully dab at your face as not to smear the makeup.

“No problem.” He smiles back.

“Hey, so you wanna go grab another drink first?” Nafla pipes up and takes back your attention.

“Yeah, definitely.” You nod, wrapping the towel around yourself before following Nafla back to the bar. You let him order something for you, and he grabs both drinks before leading you to the cushioned lounge chair area again. You both sit on the same side of the same chair in view of the dance floor and the pool and a lot of the rest of the party, but it’s not too loud here so you can talk without problems.

“Looks like you’re popular wherever you go.” He comments jokingly as he hands you your drink.

“You think so?” You smile behind your cup as you take a sip. It’s sweet, but strong. A nice choice.

“Yeah, maybe I should've gotten here earlier.” He leans back on his hands but keeps his eyes on you, “Then I could’ve kept you to myself. Now everyone’s interested in you.”

“As if, I’ve been here for like, half an hour.” You roll your eyes and set down your drink between you two on the chair.

“Half an hour? On the dance floor?” Nafla says with an incredulous smile, “It’s a wonder you haven’t already run off with some other dude.”

“You know what, that wouldn’t even be a problem if you didn’t just throw me to the wolves like this.” You joke, “What did you expect me to do at this huge ass party full of chart toppers and girls who look like they belong in hip hop music videos? I’m so out of place!”

“Yeah right, you could be in any music video and outshine anyone there.” Nafla’s flirty tone is back, which you kind of love but still can’t believe. “You were doing just fine before I got here.”

“Shut up.” You hide behind another sip of your drink, “And it’s about time you came. I didn’t come here for just anybody.”

“Oh yeah?” He cocks his eyebrows at you with a smirk, “Who is it that you came for?”

You almost roll your eyes again at that one, but before you can come up with a witty answer, you’re joined by a few guests. All of whom happen to be amazingly talented and have you frozen in your seat from being star struck.

“What’s up, Fla~”

“Yooo.”

“Wassuuupp y’all.”

Nafla groans beside you, but he welcomes his friends to the lounge chairs beside you guys anyway. You’re trying to keep your breathing under control and your giant smile bitten down in your jaw. That is fucking Loopy, Kid Milli, and Young West sitting across from you. And mother fucking Bloo took up the last bit of space on your lounge chair beside Nafla.

For a minute or so, the boys all talk amongst each other as if you’re not there, and you don’t even realize it because you’re staring at them in awe, just listening to all these famous artists having a regular conversation like some sort of miracle unfolding before you. Until someone brings you up, that is. So Nafla introduces you by name, “We just met yesterday.”

“Hi.” You wave awkwardly.

Some of them say hi back, but they don’t really pry into the specifics of why Nafla invited you here despite only having met you yesterday. They instead decide to ask you questions about yourself, which is relatively painless. “Do you go to school or work in Seoul or something?”

“No, actually I’m just here on vacation.” You go on to explain that you have a full time job in your home country, and that you’re leaving in a couple of days. “But I have a few friends who live here, so I’m visiting them and going out and having fun with them. Never would I have imagined I’d get to meet freaking Nafla and everyone else here.”

A few laughs and other topics go by and then Bloo asks, “So is dancing part of your job too? Because I saw you at first and you really know how to move.”

“Actually,” you laugh, “I do have a part time job as a dance instructor at the gym. I used to dance a bit in college so the gym’s a good way to help me keep up with it. Though the club helps too.”

“Wow, it’s no wonder you’re so good.” A few boys coo in awe of you, though it honestly sounds a lot cooler than it actually is to live your day-to-day life.

As the conversation goes on, the strong need to blurt out your love as a fan to each and every one of them dies down with how naturally the talking and laughing flows. But you kind of break the nice pace for yourself when you let out a sharp gasp at the sight of someone.

“What is it?” Nafla asks, and in your rush of excitement, you end up slapping your hand on his thigh in order to get a hold of his hand.

“Is that freaking Beenzino over there??”

“Oh, yeah, it is. Fresh out of the army.” Loopy turns around to confirm that it is indeed the man who took over your mind during your college years.

“Okay, I think I might actually die in a minute.” You stare Nafla in the eye with a serious expression, “I’m sorry, I’ve been trying really hard to keep cool while I’m around you guys and not creep you out, but my facade is crumbling now because I have liked that guy since I was in high school.”

You turn away from them to take a deep gulp of your drink and attempt to suppress your excitement further, but it’s getting real hard now. Beenzino is here, and he’s fucking tall. And more handsome than pictures can even try to portray.

“Wow, looks like Fla’s got some competition now.” Loopy chuckles before he takes a sip of his own drink.

“Oh my god, no. I love him and Stephanie together. They’re the cutest.” You wave off that comment, “But still, I’ve only ever seen him in concert. This is fucking unreal. This whole thing is unreal. The fact that I’m talking to you guys right now is unreal. I’m surprised I haven’t puked.”

You’re babbling. All of the nerves and excitement are slowly starting to trickle out and you need to find a way to cap it before Nafla and the others get too put off. “Do you wanna talk to him?” Nafla offers.

“No.” You scoff as if it’s obvious, “Do you think I’m capable of talking without freaking out right now?”

“Hey, hyung! Beenzino-hyung!” Bloo calls out and waves his hand to get the rapper’s attention.

“Oh my god.” You breathe.

“Hyung, come here for a minute.” Bloo waves him over, and dear lord, he’s actually approaching. Fuck.

“Bloo, you turd ball!” You don’t know why you said that, but anything else would’ve been too serious. “I’m not ready for this.”

“It’s cool,” Nafla laughs, “Just say hi and that you’re a fan. Like whatever you’d say if you met him on the street.” He shrugs.

“Hey, guys.” Beenzino comes over and greets everyone with a catch of the hand and chest bump in the way he does. “What’s up?”

“So, our friend here,” Bloo introduces you, “really likes you, and she really wanted us to ask you to come here so she could talk to you.”

Oh. My. God.

That is mortifying. You give Bloo an incredulous and offended look, but he just smiles and waves at you to greet your idol of young adulthood. You look to Nafla for a last desperate call for help, but he just smiles at you. Guess you have no choice.

Taking a deep breath, you turn and stand to greet the Beenzino himself, “Hi, I’m such a big fan.” You give him your name, your hometown and country, and tell him how long you’ve been following him for.

“Wow, thanks for all the love. I’ve actually been to your country before, it’s a really beautiful place.” He says.

“Oh, thank you.” You laugh nervously, “Well, we’re always excited to see you perform, so… Yeah, I can’t wait to go to another concert of yours. They’re always so fun.”

He asks you to elaborate and you go on to mention the concerts and festivals you’ve been to see him in the past several years, and he’s thoroughly impressed and/or creeped out. You can’t tell because you’re worrying about talking too much or quickly now. When he thanks you again, you decide to go out on a limb and ask, “Can I… Can I have a hug?”

“Yeah, sure, of course.” He holds his arms out for you and you accidentally let out a small squeal before falling into his strong embrace. Wow, you are really hugging the man of all your college dreams right now. While on a night call with the man of you current dreams. Funny how life works out.

“Thank you,” you say breathlessly as you pull away.

“No problem, always grateful for the love and support. Here, why don’t we take a picture together?”

“Really??” Your eyes must be sparkling right now, and you snap your head back to look at the other guys who have just been watching your little exchange if they weren’t preoccupied with their phones or something.

“Here, I’ll take it.” Bloo offers, standing up and holding his phone up to snap the picture.

“Oh, okay. Thank you.” You move in to get closer to Beenzino to take the photo, before realizing you’re still wearing a towel around your body. “Wait, hold on.” You pull the towel off and throw it onto the back of the lounge chair before scooting in to wrap your arm around the rapper’s waist while he puts his arm around your shoulders.

“One, two, three.” Bloo counts. My god, your smile might take over your whole face in this photo. You want to curse and thank him for calling him over for you.

When the picture is taken and Beenzino takes his leave, you take your seat again next to Nafla and without thinking, bury your face into his neck as you take a calming breath. “Oh my god, I can’t even breathe…”

“Wow, your face is really warm.” Nafla mentions, bringing a hand up to stroke at your cheek.

“Hey, congrats though!” Bloo announces, “You got a pic with Beenzino-hyung. I’ll send this to Fla to send to you later.”

“I can’t believe you just did that to me.” You raise your head to strike Bloo with an accusing glare, “But thank you.” You relent with a sigh and take another gulp of your drink.

“You’re welcome.” He says proudly.

“Oh my god,” you close your eyes briefly before turning to Nafla again, “There’s too many amazing people here, I’m not cut out for this. I’m gonna start screaming any minute now.”

“Save it, I’ll take care of that later.” Nafla says with a hand on your thigh, which is suddenly a lot warmer on your skin now that the towel is off. It slips out of his mouth so casually that you can’t do anything but stare at him, in complete awe. And something else. Something else that stirs in your body and between your legs. How did that smooth and curt comment suddenly flip a switch in you?

The other guys seem as dumbstruck as you are, but it only takes them a second to bounce back and start shouting at Nafla about being a dog or being vulgar or whatever. You, however, are still staring until his playful little chuckle breaks you, and you burst into giggles in his neck.

After a few chuckles, you lean up to whisper into his ear, “Can I kiss you right now?”

You don’t expect to feel so relieved when he replies with a casual but throaty, “Yeah,” before leaning in kiss you first. It’s a long one, tangled with teasing nips and pressure play, and you didn’t realize how much you needed this. Amidst all this excitement, and worrying about keeping your cool, trying to keep a conversation going with all these celebrities you admire but don’t actually know, you had almost forgotten why you were really here.

“Okay, guess that’s our cue.”

“Yeah. Later, guys.”

“You have fun now, kids.”

You pull away from Nafla when you hear the guys leaving, but you don’t come apart without a puckered smacking sound. It’s embarrassing, but you do feel obligated to at least say goodbye to his friends who were nice enough to talk to you. “Oh, okay. Bye! It was nice meeting you.”

Nafla exchanges a few other words with the guys about who knows what, but when they step away his attention right back on you. He watches you stare at him, letting your eyes roam all over his face with a curious pucker in your lips. But eventually he breaks into a gentle laugh again, calling you cute before leaning in to kiss you once more.

This time, the kiss lasts for quite a while. You have no idea how much time passes, but you know it’s been awhile because when you finally pull away and open your eyes again, they’re a bit sensitive to the lights outside. Or maybe it was just Nafla making you dizzy with his mouth. You’re impressed that the kissing managed to stay rather chaste — or chaste as you could keep it in public.

Both your hair and his are a bit mussed from having each other’s hands in it, your faces are flushed, and obviously both your lips have a visible swell to them. Nafla shows an impressive self-restraint similar to what he had at the club last night; he didn’t put his hands anywhere scandalous, but he did pull your thighs onto his lap. If you just adjusted your sitting position a bit, you would be sitting right on him. And god, you kind of really want to. Would that be too much?

“Do you have to stay long?” You ask in a rather weak voice.

“Mm, no. Not really.” He kisses you again, “It’s just a party for a Korean holiday, but I’m just surprised that so many people were able to make it.”

“Do you want to stay and talk to your friends?” You offer, “It must be rare to have everyone together like this. You should catch up with people.”

“And what? Leave you alone to get swept up by all these other guys?” He says playfully, hugging you closer by your waist.

You giggle at the slight possessiveness, absolutely loving it, “I’ll just go dance. Or swim. Or eat. Whatever, there’s a ton of things for me to do here. I’ll be fine. You should enjoy yourself too. Talk to your friends.”

“You sure?” He lowers his chin as he continues looking at you.

“Yeah, and tell you what; if you wanna check on me, just bring me over for a drink.”

“Well, alright. If you’re cool with it.” He sets you down on your feet and escorts you back to the bar first since you said you wanted more liquor. But he doesn’t leave without making a show of covering your shoulders with his jacket and whispering into your ear in front of the others, “Just come find me if you need anything.”

“Will do.” You thank him and he’s off before he can catch you taking a subtle whiff at his collar. It smells good.

You make light conversation with the bartender and get his story as you nurse your drink, but eventually, others begin to start up a conversation with you as well. You must be a topic of interest since you’ve been prancing around on Nafla’s arm and unabashedly making out with him by the poolside so far. So for the next hour, you introduce yourself however many times to so many different people; some of whom you know of, and some of whom you don’t.

By the time you’re down to your third drink since you got to the bar, you’re kind of high on liquor and clout. You have talked to more famous people in the past hour than you’ve ever encountered in your entire life, including the ones you’ve paid to see live. The mixed drinks in your body are making you giggly and the excitement of getting to talk to your favorite singers and rappers and producers is making you light-headed. So you turn down the next drink and conversation in favor of returning to the dance floor.

Slipping your arms into the sleeves of Nafla’s jacket, you relish how cool it must make you look — even though you’re wearing nothing by a bikini underneath. But there are other people dancing in swimwear and without shoes, so you probably don’t have to care. And you feel less and less obligated to when a great song comes up and you just ebb into the rest of the crowd.

You recognize some people here, or at least you think you do, because they sure recognize you. A few of them are welcoming you with shouts and gestures to dance with them, so you somehow manage to seamlessly join in with their group. Though if anyone asked you what their names were, you cannot for the life of you list even one of them. Which is freaking ridiculous because you know their voices and faces from your playlists and their music videos.

But then again, you’re here to dance, not think. So that is exactly what you do in an attempt to sober up even a little bit. People come and go to drink, smoke, eat, go to the bathroom, or whatever it is they go to do, but the atmosphere remains lively. This is probably going to be the party of your lifetime, the one you’ll remember forever and talk about over and over until your friends hate you for it.

You almost don’t want Nafla to pull you aside and take you back to his room and fuck you all night. Almost.

When he does pull you to the side to rest, you realize this is your first break in what must be… hours? Who knows. “Wow, you really know how to go off on that floor.”

“You think so?” You giggle, accepting the water he hands you and gulping it down without stopping for air.

“Do you not get tired? I’ve been watching you for a little while now.”

“When I go out, I go out all night.” You sweep your hand through the air as if to seal your proclamation. “But don’t worry, I still have energy to play around with you.” You lean in to tease.

“Well good,” he chuckles, “Why don’t we go then?”

“Okay!” You chime, taking his hand and letting him lead you back towards the lounge entrance.

However.

“Wait! Wait.” You tug on Nafla’s hand to stop him in his tracks and drag him back towards the dance floor when you hear your absolute favorite song start up. “After this song. Just this one.”

Nafla feigns an exasperated sigh but follows you with a smile. You don’t bother dragging him into the heart of the crowd, so you just linger on the side of the dance floor. But you’re still revved up on celebrity meetings, countless drinks, Nafla’s affection, and now your motherfucking favorite song in your whole music library.

You bust out your best moves and flirt with your body instead of your words this time. Nafla’s loose, unbuttoned jacket definitely helps you with the playfulness of it all when you let it slide down your shoulders to show off your skin and bikini before letting it slide back onto your arm with another big movement. Come the last chorus of the song, you’re dancing up to him and rolling your body right up into his, front and back, like you’re his own personal stripper or something.

All good things must come to an end, and you’re loathe for your best song to end, but Nafla is giving you a look like he’s ready to throw you onto the floor and have you right here and now. Guess that means you’ve teased him a bit too much, but you can’t help giggling when you readjust his jacket on your shoulders again. He barely lets you get it on right before slinking his arm around your waist and practically pushing you out of the lounge. There are some cheers and whistles behind you, but you’re still high off the evening and your own laughter.

Nafla keeps you hugged to his waist through the duration of the elevator ride and the walk to his hotel room. Your laughter settles along the way and you find yourself calming with every whiff of his cologne when you bring your nose close to his neck.

When the door closes behind you, Nafla chuckles, “Finally got you all to myself.”

“Give me one sec,” you say, making straight for the bed and flopping on to one side of it. You yank the duvet towards your body and roll over twice until you’re completely wrapped up in the blankets like a burrito on the other end of the bed.

Then you scream.

You let out a good, long cry and muffle it into the covers until you let all the excitement of the entire evening meeting all those stars and holding in your utter joy and amazement. You scream and even thrash around on the bed for a good thirty seconds or so before you roll back out of your blanket burrito and sit up.

Tossing your hair out of your face, you give Nafla a neutral look because he is definitely staring at you, “Alright, I’m good. I’m ready to see if you can actually make me scream all on your own.” You tease with a smile as you position yourself cutely on the bed.

Nafla stares for another few seconds before breaking out into laughter, “What the heck was that?”

“I had to get all that excitement out from this evening first!” You sigh as you collapse on your back, “I couldn’t just keep it all bottled up. Besides, it’d have given you a false start and I wouldn’t want that to get to your head.”

“Trust me,” he says as he climbs onto the bed to hover over you. His face is only a couple centimeters from yours, but it feels even closer than it was last night at the club. “I don’t need a head start.”

You can’t help it, you smile. After all that has happened to you tonight, you’re still exactly where you want to be. “Prove it.”

Thankfully, there were enough condoms available to you guys to use the entire time. You are impressed with both of you for going at it as long as you did. And you fucked around in the morning too. God, it was beautiful. It you could have one night never end, it would hands down be this night.

Nafla was quite the cuddler too. You woke up to the warm, inviting sensation of his arms around your waist and the sexy, sleepy groan of his morning voice when you tried to stretch your limbs while in his hold. When he had pulled you in and taken a deep whiff of your neck before rolling his body to lie on top of yours, you had to wonder again if maybe you hadn’t actually woken up yet. And if this would just be the best perpetual dream you’ve ever had.

But it was real. His morning wood was especially real, but you took care of it and thoroughly enjoyed sleepy Nafla for as long as possible before you both got up to shower. And soon, you come across a dilemma.

“Shit, I left all my stuff upstairs last night.” You realize. Your dress, your purse, your phone, your keys, your extra underwear, all of it. All you had to your name right now was the damp bikini from last night. You’re guessing that Nafla would want his jacket back.

“It’s cool, we can go back up and get it. I’m sure they kept it somewhere safe.” Nafla offers, coming up to hug you from behind and place a sleepy kiss on your shoulder. He is playing so unfair right now. How are you not supposed to completely fall in love with him?

He lets you get dressed up in one of the hotel robes before taking you back up to the rooftop lounge receptionist to ask about your forgotten belongings. There’s a bit of back and forth with you having to retrieve them from some other department of the hotel, but you do eventually get it all back; sangria stain and all. Luckily it’s not too visible through the black fabric, but you’ll still need to go through some trouble to get that cleaned later.

Nafla whistles when you slip it back on back in his room, “Wish I coulda seen you walk in with that last night.”

“What? Me popping out of the water half naked wasn’t sexy enough for you?” You chuckle, adjusting the straps and tossing your hair around with your hands in an attempt to make yourself resemble something tidy.

“It’s a tough choice to make.” Nafla says in low, sandy voice you had gotten to know quite well last night. It shakes you up even now, while you’re sore enough to stay in bed for another day.

As reluctant as you are to leave, you know that all great things must come to an end. You do, however, let him walk you downstairs to wait for your cab. Once in the lobby, you both hold off on any more physical contact, in the case that there are any onlookers. Not that it’d be hard to guess what happened between you two anyway, but still better not to fan the flames.

He waits with you outside of the hotel entrance for the taxi to come around, and you’re grateful to spend these last minutes with the boy of your dreams. “Thanks again, for letting me see you again.” You say while you can. “It was undoubtedly the best night of my life.”

“Well, it was a pretty great night for me too.” Nafla smiles back at you, “So I’m glad you came.”

“So am I. You’re the best.” You risk a quick squeeze of his hand as your taxi rolls around, “See you around.”

“Yeah, see you.” He lets your touch linger when you let go to step into the car and even closes the door for you!!

It’s only when the hotel is out of sight that you start squealing behind your purse. Your cab driver gives you a look but you don’t care. You literally just spent an entire night with your favorite Korean rapper of all time and he seemed like he had fun!!!! You can’t believe you got to fulfill your dream of being Nafla’s bedwarmer groupie.

Needless to say, you’re on a high for the next week, and you squeal to all of your friends about it, barely sparing a detail. “Has he texted you since then??”

“Well, I texted him telling him I got home safe, and he responded to that but that’s it.” You answer.

“Why didn’t you keep the conversation going??” One of your other friends demands, practically spilling her drink all over the table.

“Come on! He’s famous and he’s busy, and I was obviously just a night of fun.” You roll your eyes, “We said everything we needed to say while I was still there. If he wanted to continue talking, he would have!”

“Yeah, but—“

All kinds of arguments and discussions ensue about how you should go about it since you have his contact information. But you shut down all the opportunities they suggest because when it comes down to it, “I live and work somewhere totally different. What would we even talk about afterwards anyway? There’s no point trying to force it after the fact. It’d just make me look desperate, and I’d like to stay a good memory, thank you very much.”

Of course it didn’t stop at that, but it was the reality of the situation. And you wouldn’t dare to try changing any of it when you were already so grateful for the experience. You won’t ever forget him, or how much fun you had, or how well he treated you, and you’re glad that it came to an end as sweetly as it did.

Or how it was supposed to, at least.

You’ve just finished teaching your weekend dance sessions at the gym when you check your phone to see you’ve gotten some messages from the man you thought you left back in Seoul.

‘Hey. I forgot to send these to you a while back.’

The message is followed by several pictures of you standing beside Beenzino looking like a star struck sewer rat under the horrid lighting of the evening lamps in your bikini and damp hair. But the memories of the entire evening wash over you with a giddy electric current.

‘Omg i look like a wet dog but thanks!! I totally forgot about these’ you text back.

You hesitate with sending a follow up text, wondering if you should ask how he’s doing or mention an update about yourself or something. But eventually, you decide against it and stuff your phone in your pocket before grabbing your stuff to head out to your car.

Once you’re settled in your seat and about to start the car, however, you see that you’ve gotten another reply. You try to settle your trembling heart when you pick up the phone to read the messages.

‘I think they’re cute haha’

‘How’ve you been?’

“Oh my god!!” You squeal to yourself. You’re texting Nafla . Holy fucking shit, how is this even real right now?? Your fingers quickly fly over the screen to type your reply.

You gasp when he responds almost right away, and you follow up with your own response. And it just continues back and forth before you realize you’ve been sitting in your car in the gym parking lot for almost an hour. Your stomach is starting to protest so you order some food delivery, start the car, and make the drive home. You don’t think you’ll be able to focus on cooking tonight.

Somehow, you’re still texting Nafla when your pizza arrives, and when you get out of the shower and get ready for bed, and while you’re lying in bed when you know that you should be asleep already since you have work early tomorrow. But you don’t want the conversation to end. He’s so cute, and funny, and he makes it so easy to talk to him.

Eventually, you do fall asleep and have to follow up with his text in the morning. But luckily, since you didn’t end your conversation with ‘I have to go to bed,’ you’re able to continue talking to him throughout the next day. And the next. And the next. Honestly, you’re surprised that you’re both able to talk to each other for so long without running out of too much to say.

However, he does get busier as the week goes on, and so do you. Your replies become more spaced out while you’re both busy working or doing whatever, and the time difference makes the timing hard too. Until eventually, the conversation comes to a comfortable stop. It’s kind of convenient for you because you suddenly have a new project that you have to put a little more focus on, which you probably wouldn’t be able to if you were shaking in your seat waiting for Nafla — or Nick, as he said you could start addressing him — to reply.

You both kind of leave it at that for a while. You recall he mentioned he had some shows to do, and the schedule lineup on the MKIT RAIN website does make him and his friends look busy. Especially since he’s doing a lot more magazine shoots now, which you also plan to order and add to your collection. It was nice while it lasted, catching up with him. He’s starting to feel more like a friend you met in Korea rather than a rap star who has millions of fans across the world.

Still, you have to remember that he is someone who has many fans in his life. And many people in his life, including girls. You can’t hold your heart out for him just because he’s being friendly after your greatest one night stand in history.

You know this, but you still find it hard to stop thinking about him. And talking about him to your friends. They were excited to hear about your initial encounter, but they’re now on the more practical side and telling you to let him go, since there isn’t a high chance that you’ll get to see him again without going back to South Korea. So you settle into the reality of it, and do your best to let him go and out of your head.

And of course, just when you’re starting to get used to it, that’s when he texts you again. Out of the blue, after weeks of not speaking a word to each other. He sends a picture of a husky that’s hanging out at one of his recent work places.

‘I can’t look at huskies anymore without thinking about you lol’

You chuckle aloud. You had gone on and on about how adorable you found huskies and bombarded him with facts about them and how much you wanted one of your own someday. And now, it seems it’s become a reminder of you for him.

‘How do you think i feel whenever i see anything that has to do with Coca Cola?’ You write back.

And just like that, it starts all over again. You guys talk into the night and the next few days about everything there is to talk about. You update each other on your lives and you start to miss him all over again. The more you talk to him, the more you want to switch gears and get a little flirty, send him a dirty picture or something. But you can’t interrupt this nice flow you two have going. You’re talking like you’re old friends and you won’t ruin this possible budding relationship — whatever it may be — between you because of your libido.

However, the conversation eventually fades out like it did last time, after over a week of texting each other regularly. And you’re back to square one.

Obviously, you rant to your friends about how you feel like you’re being strung along and don’t know what this even is that’s happening between you. “Do you think he’s just keeping in touch with me occasionally so that he’ll have a booty call ready if he ever comes here or something?” You wonder.

“It’s possible. You never know with famous dudes.” Your friend shrugs, taking a sip of her drink.

You reach over to steal one of her fries before continuing, “Should I keep talking to him? I really like him, but I doubt that anything practical or serious will come out of this.”

“Well, if you’re trying to look for something serious, then I’d say yeah, stop talking to him. But if you’re willing to keep messing around for a while, then just keep talking to him. See where it goes — if it ever goes anywhere, that is.”

You groan, tempted to drown into your own salad, “We haven’t talked in almost two months. Should I text first this time?”

“If you want to.” She shrugs.

“Thanks, so helpful.” You deadpan.

Your friend smiles back cheekily, popping another fry into her mouth, “You’re welcome.”

You text him first. Not out of desperation, but simply because you could use another opinion from someone who’s probably attended way more formal events than you have. A company banquet is coming up, and you’re helping host the event, so you can’t just show up in a regular old closet gown.

So you send Nafla three mirror selfies of the different dresses and ask him which one is most appropriate for a company holiday party. Your heart is pounding as you wait for the response, but luckily you’re not left to tremble for too long, because he responds within the hour.

And just like that, conversation picks up as usual, for days. This time, it almost lasts for three weeks, even with the laggy responses. By that time, your holiday party has happened and the new year is coming up. Unfortunately, you don’t get to share your happy new year texts with him because your conversation dies out just a little after Christmas, when Nafla is getting busy with all the holiday hip hop concerts. A shame.

So you sulk a little throughout the beginning of the year, until Nafla texts you again some time after Valentine’s Day. It’s the usual pattern again, but this time, about a week into the new conversation, he says the wildest thing you’ve ever heard.

‘I’ve got a couple of free days coming up. I was thinking of coming to visit your city’

Your heart stops when you read that text. You stare at it in complete shock, unable to move your fingers in a response before a follow up message appears:

‘Wanna be my guide?’

You scream into your living room, jumping around the room like you’ve just won the lottery. You’re probably bothering or worrying the neighbors, but who the fuck cares?? Nafla might be coming to visit you!!!!! You may get to see him again!!!!! Holy fucking shit!!!!!!!

Doing your best to tone down the exclamation points in your response, you answer that you would absolutely love to act as his guide and welcome him to your city. And for the next couple weeks, you busy yourself with organizing an itinerary on what to do and where to go with your favorite rapper, who’s flying into your country, your city, to see you .

Okay, there’s no guarantee that he’s actually only here to see you. Maybe he actually just wanted some time to travel on his own and explore a new place, and he wanted to go somewhere that he would have a trusted guide to bring him around. But come on, what other reason would he choose here of all places to go if not for you?

You try not to let it get to your head, but you are way too fucking excited to see him. Your friends are starting to get concerned for you.

“I can’t believe a famous Korean rapper is coming here to see you. If he’s not into you, then I’m gonna start drinking goat milk instead of water.” One friend says.

“Oh my god, are you going to stay with him while he’s here??” Another asks.

“And are you gonna let him in your pants again?” Another chuckles.

“Oh my god!” You shout, “Shut up. I’m playing it cool for now. I’ll take him to whatever hotel he wants to stay at, but I can’t assume that I’m gonna be with him the entire time.” You say logically.

They stare at you, waiting for you to follow up. So you break, “But I really do hope that he slams my guts again.”

All of you scream together and you just continue drown in your own excitement to see him again. You hope you can get it together by the time he actually arrives.

#nafla x reader #nicholas choi x reader #nafla #nicholas choi #mkit rain #khiphop scenario #yes i am aware that i have already used the meeting at the club premise but i like it #it's hard to write him in character tho which is why i made it so reader-centric #nutfla #mine #nafla scenario

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emileewilson · 7 years ago

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THE G WORD

I wrote this blog months ago. It’s time to share my story and some exciting news! I’m re-branding my business to include herbal education, workshops, and more! The entrepreneurial journey has been fun for me as I grow and expand my offerings. I am so happy to offer skincare and beauty services, but my practice has evolved into so much more. The following true story is told from my heart and I hope you’ll embrace my new brand with enthusiasm and support. This is my story from Gypsy Skin Spa to Wild N Rooted.

It has been brought to my attention recently that a word exists. This word is part of our English language and our cosmology. This word has many meanings, it is powerful, controversial, and mysterious.

Gypsy.

Some people believe it to be a racial slur, others believe it to be a lifestyle and some have no idea what the word is, means, where it comes from, how to say it, or even care. You can see where this may cause some issues and concerns. Due to its controversial nature, I used it once, but will refrain from using it moving forward out of respect for those reading this who deem it offensive.

This is my story and how I birthed my lifestyle brand in 2015. This word resonates with me deeply in a very authentic way. It is an expression of my being. After being attacked online and accused of being a racist, I strongly felt the need to tell my story. I want to talk about it. This dilemma, this idea, this age of offending is an opportunity for education and to begin co-creating a high vibe around the label.

You see, our English language is convoluted in historical accounts that many of us didn’t even know existed. For instance, the word “Bucket List” actually comes from hanging someone by “kicking the bucket” out from beneath them before they die. Did you know that Hooligans are associated with the Irish? Vandals, the Germans? The G word are associated with the ethnic group, Roma or Romany, who immigrated into parts of Eastern Europe. The locals thought they were from Egypt or Egyptian (hence gyp) which we now know as they begin to have a voice in literature and other cultural affairs. They identify with Roma, Romani, Romany, or Rroma. I’m what you call a European Mutt, which is essentially a dog mixed with who knows what and I don’t like it very much. Alas, society has deemed that description appropriate.

My focus is on the positive aspects of the G word discussion and how we can use it to free the people under this guise, not slander them. More importantly, that we stop grouping people together and/or generalizing, stereotyping subgroups of people or minorities in the first place. There are good people and bad people. Period. There are all types of different people in this world. I mean, there are ALOT of us! We have different ideas, perspectives, opinions, customs, foods, languages, fashions, economics, currency, status, religions, and experiences. This all happens simultaneously as life spirals along, upwards and outwards.

My personal story regarding this particular identity began when I was 30 years old, also known as my Saturn Return, when the walls around me would literally come crashing down. My roommates and I were residing in Marina Del Rey, CA and we all lived peaceful, independent lives. A large development company purchased the property and our landlord told us to vacate. During this time, I also lost my job and couldn’t afford to pay my bills. A dance troupe that I created and adored fell apart at the seams and my Grandmother passed away. I went on unemployment and moved back in with my parents. Welcome to the Boomerang Generation.

Although grateful for this landing, it was uncomfortable. I got a part time job in a small salon, but my business couldn’t thrive without clientele. Soon enough, I decided to go back to College in Fullerton and soon I found myself back in Los Angeles living in West Hollywood. This was an interesting time. I had ditched an abusive boyfriend, my car was broken into, very important documents like college homework and documentary drafts were stolen. I was drunk most of the time falling into a deep state of depression. I had also discovered Ayahuasca as a medicine, something that would change my life in the most extraordinary way.

Still to come at 32 years old, I was forced to file Bankruptcy, the banks wouldn’t accept my income loss or life changes. Eventually, I found another spa in Redondo Beach, CA and moved into a room with the generous Persian couple who owned it. A month later, I met a nice Indian man in Hawthorne and I rented a room from him. He was a single father with a daughter and a gorgeous white Shepherd named Bella. To supplement my income, I began working as a cocktail waitress while developing my clientele. No more than 3 months later, the restaurant folded. My inappropriate employer kept my last paycheck and I wasn’t making enough money at the spa to live on my own. I moved back to Culver City with my Aunt and shared a room with a friend. I lived there for, you guessed it, about 3 months. During this time, I was able to get another part time job in Santa Monica at a small spa called Petite Spa with a lot of potential, as well as taking up an offer to work for a high- profile ticket broker in Huntington Beach. This led me to a short stint in Orange County. I even got a third job working part time at another day spa. Less than 3 months later, I was fired from the office job and so I quit the esthetic job and moved back to Los Angeles. I found a small studio in Mar Vista, CA. One room, no kitchen, and it became my sacred space for 2 years.

With hardly anything, but a strong will and a humbled spirit, my private practice as an Esthetician and Herbalist was born. The journey was already under way.

In 2016 I studied in New York with a wise, old woman named Susun Weed, a Witch. All five of her apprentices were not allowed to say the word “guy.” It was unacceptable around her and she would only accept “Gaia” instead. It was difficult to change my habitual language, but eventually I started to remember. I admired how she created her reality, yet I feared her verbal abuse. Ironic eh? I lived on her land for two weeks and was initiated as a Green Witch, polishing my toe green as the final induction. The Washington Post wrote a great article about the word “guy” and its origins. Although now common language, the Oxford English Dictionary defines it as a “person of grotesque appearance.” When I came back to L.A, I began noticing how many people said “Guy” when referring to myself and women. It really bothered me. I attempted to correct them several times, then held my tongue, then it became plain awkward. Nobody cared. It was a construct. Once I realized my offenders never intended to insult or hurt me, I stopped physically hearing it. I can’t even remember the last time. I know they’re saying it, but I just can’t hear them. The origin of “guy” has become a fun fact in Etymology. Now it means “a man or woman.” It’s amazing how our language morphs, twists and turns, along with history, experiences and ideologies.

Why am I telling you my life story? Well, because it all has to do with the G word. With all of that being said, we are still in a predicament because the G word is STILL used as a derogatory ethnic slur in other parts of the world. In this very moment. In fact, people all over the world continue to oppress minorities and entire countries still deny genocides and documented accounts of massive human extermination. This pains my heart so. I dream of a peaceful planet where all cultures can learn from one another, respecting the language, food, music, fashion, art, and religious views. May we all migrate toward our tribes. This is a tall order; however, THIS is my focus, not how the G word has dubious meanings around the globe. My work is to continue finding my truth, my voice, and stand up for what I believe in. Of course, my writings and teachings are a part of this. I believe in service to the people, empowering women and leaving the world a cleaner place. It’s that simple.

There is freedom and oppression within the G word. It has become an archetype. At age 3, my mother chose this as my costume on Halloween, dressing me in a gold scarf, bright red lipstick, blush and hoop earrings (clip on of course!). Let us think about it as an archetype. Like Witch, Faerie, Crone, Goddess, and Bitch, all those that we have reclaimed. Allow for the good, the bad, and the ugly. I don’t subscribe to living in a paradigm that even allows for racism. Using the word racist and race separates us more than it holds us. I think that for people in the U.S, the G word conjures up feelings of traveling, romance, fashion, mystery, a free spirit, natural living, family, and determination. The irony and most painful part of this archetype is that one group of people on one side of the world felt and feel offended by it, and the other groups in the West have gained wild open-hearted freedom from it. We must ponder as a society, no matter where we were in the past, we are here today and need to continue moving forward together. We cannot suspend each other in the past. As my Mentor once said, “It’s ok to look into the rear-view mirror every once in a while, but you can’t drive the car that way.”

I consistently check myself and tune into my energy. When I’m feeling off, I have to take a deep breath and move it into a higher vibration. Living in society with different people has its challenges, but I believe it is our human right to feel happy and free no matter what our circumstances. I wish this upon all cultures. Instead of accepting a slur from the oppressors, the people of Romany are in a great position to reclaim themselves. Let us embrace the real G word and may they come into the light. Let the women tell their stories, entering into evolution. My prayer is that we release the word into the ethers and let peace fall upon the land of the aggrieving. My highest belief about this is that we are one human race thriving together on Planet Earth.

So here we are back in my studio apartment. I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to create work for myself, with my own two hands. I had to discover my passion, my gifts, and share them with the world. I had to learn from other women and I also promised myself I would stay in one place as long as I could. Humbled by my life on the road, I was finally feeling confident, independent, and free once again. I began embracing my call to the wild, to ceremony, Paganism, the plants, and natural healing methods, reading books, apprenticing, and attending workshops. I studied myself. I studied others. Along with the Magician, The G word was becoming a strong presence in my life. I still receive gifts to this day that represent G word magic.

What I did not know until recently is that the Romany are STILL being oppressed in Eastern Europe and the G Word is not a nice word at all.

I interviewed a couple Roma men that I found online. I interviewed Romany women who use the term in their business brand. They told me that the prejudices are still occurring against them. They all said they are not personally offended by the word, but warned that others may be. As a woman of mixed European descent, I am always searching for cultural traditions that I can call my own. I grew up with a small family and little tradition. This is partly why I am so drawn to the archetype and the lifestyle, one that allows me freedom, contrary to what others feel the G word means.

I am a privledged white woman. I will use my voice to help others in need. I will continue to lead by example. I am a Lover. I am a Magician. I am a Manifestor. I am not an oppressor. I am not a racist. I AM wild and rooted.

The Archetype that I felt would continue to represent my journey, my dream, and my passion was Gypsy (oops I said it), but after months of pondering the last three years of my life in the herbal world and reading historical accounts of this word and how misused it has been, it has left a rather bitter taste on my lips. I have decided to evolve myself, my name, and my brand to include more herbal knowledge, medicine making skills, and workshops. A name that I feel will bring the people together. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Things really do happen for a reason and sometimes buttons get pushed for a higher purpose. I will be launching a new website soon so stay tuned!!! I created a name that represents my most divine constitution. A name that is not controversial, or offensive, but one that remains powerful and meaningful to me. I belong to no one.

I AM WildNRooted!!

Emilee Amara

Holistic Facials, Herbalist

#wildnrooted wildandrooted gypsyskin business skincare small business rebrand

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neoct18 · 7 years ago

Text

pricked; chapter iii

◖pairing ─ reader x taemin

◖rating ─ m [angst, profanity]

◖word count ─ 1.815

◖a/n ─ i think this will only have a few more parts. thank you for all the support!

part I , part II

❝ You devastate me. ❞

Taemin knew this would be no negotiation.

He’d grown bored of bad people playing a shoot out as a ‘meet up.’ He’d grown bored of older men in his line of work sugarcoating their crimes with dictionary words. They were all thugs. They committed crimes. They were no ‘top dog’, they didn’t belong in no mafia, they just were. They saw an easy way out, and they grabbed it.

They were all scum, himself included. Though that was about to change, if all in Hell went well. VIXX was an established underground mafia, their circles running throughout South Korea, and even though Taemin was sure Ravi wasn’t the mind behind the organization, he’d found the man crazy enough to be a genius. That was Taemin’s definition of a ‘top dog.’

No gang, and certainly not his, could ever match VIXX, no matter how smart all the members in his group were. He only controlled a few districts in Seoul. And that had taken an awful lot of work; he didn’t like getting his hands dirty, but if you didn’t want to be anyone’s bitch, you always had to do things yourself.

If his father ever taught him anything, it was this.

So after the shoot out at the abandoned building, he followed Leo, Ravi’s right hand, back to their base on his motorbike. He never trusted going with anyone anywhere. It was part of having his own back.

Minho was more reckless. First he insisted on going with him to Busan, and now he’s riding with South Korea’s biggest gang, on unknown territory. Taemin had to give it to his hyung; he had guts.

But Taemin had death. And that, he could hold over everyone’s head. You don’t become a gang leader at twenty-four by bending over and letting them fuck you in the ass. Fuck no.

You had to have a personality; a question mark; a vibe to you. You needed to have your cards right twenty-four seven. And he had all of that. His deadly, quiet aura is what gave him power. He wished he could say his looks didn’t play any part in it, but he’d be lying. Just like he could sweet talk his way out of any girl, he used the same technique but more bluntly to get things done his way.

If you wanted a meeting with Taemin, you bet your bottom dollar you’d leave out of that room with a deal in his favor, without even knowing how.

And that was why Taemin’s gang was hated on. That, and also because his brothers and him were some handsome motherfuckers.

When they reached a house, a little out of Busan, he killed the engine off and walked past everyone, heading straight for Ravi, who was waiting for them on the stairs of what Taemin supposed could be described as a mansion. It made no difference. Anything that has a roof is a house to him; big or small only played a role in the bedroom.

“You’re a crazy bastard, Lee,” Ravi greeted him with a wolfish grin.

Taemin couldn’t help but smirk at his old friend. “I’m not the one having every police station after my ass.”

Ravi’s hair shone fire engine red under the lights of the useless, in Taemin’s eyes, chandeliers.

“Wait ‘til you join us and I’ll let you have a taste.”

Wonsik’s words sounded like a promise, and Taemin found himself questioning his decisions for the first time in a long while.

You were making tea on that Thursday night, an old movie used as background noise at your empty little room.

When this room became your only option with the limited money you could offer as rent, you had seriously considered moving back with your parents. But you couldn’t pull through it. You left for a reason, and that was to grow more as your own person. Admitting defeat because of money problems didn’t seem like a good enough reason to run back to Mom and Dad with your tail between your legs.

But that wasn’t what was on your mind, while you poured the hot water into the mug. You wish life was a simple matter such as money, though undoubtedly money couldn’t be classified as ‘a simple matter.’

Taemin had changed your perspective on so many things. You had never really realized how much of his character had slipped through the cracks of your bones, entangling with your own beliefs.

Taemin. Was he even alive? You agonized over it these past two days, when there were no calls, no texts. You reasoned with yourself; things like: ‘Alive? Is this even a real question right now?’ or ‘This isn’t your life, (Y/N). You better wake up from this.’ None of the wake up calls shook you though.

You knew questions like those were part of your reality now. It wasn’t some Korean drama you binge watched, nor a dream of a reckless life. You’d laughed half your way through it, and cried the rest. Bottom line was: If he was alive, he’d come any time now. And you had to give an answer, when you didn’t have one.

Or, better worded, you did have one, you just didn’t know if it was the right one.

You couldn’t sugarcoat it, no matter how you thought about it. You first met Taemin as a different you, a more carefree you, a girl that wasn’t afraid to have a night one stand with a stranger, because, well, fuck, what was life, anyway, right? Who knew?

This whole thing started with you on all fours, coming for a hot guy that drilled into you the fastest you ever had it. And it changed, because apparently love changes everything.

You say you are one thing, but your heart turns blind one day, and suddenly you are something else entirely. And he’s telling you to walk away from it, but from what? Your heart? Him and every way he fucked with your mind? Or the way he fucked you, period?

The lines had been blurred so much, your situation was only bound to get confusing.

When you went to sit on your bed, your phone chirped. Your heart skipped a beat, and letting the mug down with nervous hands, you grabbed the phone and opened the text.

‘Open the door.’ read at 23:07

You don’t know how fast you got to the door, or how Taemin collapsed on his knees in front of you, his hands grabbing at your thighs, bloody face buried between them, nuzzling at the soft feeling of your pajamas.

Someone gasped, you, and the vulnerable boy on his knees in front of you let out a muffled scream. It vibrated through you, and shattered your heart. Tears came quicker than you expected, trying to grab at his hands, telling him to get up in a panicked voice.

“It’s cold, it’s cold, please,” you muttered, fingers tangled in his soft, black hair.

It was like something snapped inside him, and next thing you knew he was kicking the door shut, and leaving kisses dangerously close to the place you’d missed him most.

“Taemin?”

“It’s okay,” he rasped, hands tugging your pajama bottoms down.

You had no option but to step out of them. But you were also taken aback. What had happened? What was this? Why was he acting so passionately?

“Wait, wait,” you grabbed hold of his face and pushed it back so you could look at him.

He looked fine, no injuries, but his face had dried brushes of blood. You scanned his dark eyes. He wouldn’t look directly at you.

“Get up and tell me what the fuck happened.”

“Mind your tone.”

“Mind your hands.”

He sighed, closing his eyes and standing up, fingers still tracing your body.

“What happened?” you asked again, guiding his gaze with your hand on his cheek, making him look at you.

“You.” His eyes were furious, but his voice sounded small; soft. “They know about you, they know where you work, what rout you take to your house, your favorite tea shop, what you look like naked─” he cut himself off, tearing his face from your hands, jaw locked.

You should’ve panicked, but you needed more answers. Your trembling worsened.

“Why did you scream?” He didn’t answer. “Taemin.”

“You devastate me,” he began, still refusing to look at you, fists tucked at his sides.

“I didn’t know─ I hadn’t realized how invested I was in you, until they gave me your file and I saw the pictures. Your private moments. Things only I should be seeing, things only I have permission to see─” he stopped again, the clenching of his teeth making it hard for you to understand what he was saying.

“That’s why they needed me now. ‘Cause they were on me. And me being a target means the guys being targets, and you being a target, and I spent half an hour out there thinking about you drinking your goddamned rose tea and being so fucking... clueless of all the ways you could’ve died at any possible second before I got here.

“This is so hard, (Y/N),” that’s when he looked at you, red rimmed eyes looking the most serious you’ve ever seen them. “Stop,” he grabbed your shoulders.

You hadn’t realized you were shaking.

“I never gave a damn about anything, until I spotted you at that bar. From that point on I felt responsible for everything that happened in your life. Even...” he chuckled, “even when you didn’t wear a jacket when going to the convenience store to buy ramen cups. I beat myself up for days for not dressing you up myself when you got that cough.

“I want more for you, and I want to be the one to give it to you, but all I am is a fucked up nobody who doesn’t deserve you, yet got stuck with you. On you. But I’m not going to be saying these things every day. I’m not going to be your little boyfriend, and we’ll never be able to go on dates, ‘cause I’ll be out killing people. I’m cold; I play mind games, and sometimes I’m awkward but I cover it up by being an asshole, and you devastate me.”

He grabbed your ass and lifted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist, and moved towards the bed. You wouldn’t think about his words, ‘cause you smelt the alcohol on his breath.

“I missed your body so fucking much,” he whispered, voice raspy from cigarettes and liquor.

You wouldn’t take his words to heart, like you’ve always tried to do. So for now, you’d just take his clothes off, and let him have his way with you, ‘cause you knew he needed this.

You also hoped that would give him his answer. If he remembered any of it come morning.

#taemin #taemin scenarios #taemin smut #shinee scenarios #taemin shinee #shinee #kpop scenarios #writing #prickediii

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resbang-bookclub · 8 years ago

Text

AMA Transcript: Cryptid

This past week, @rogha dropped into Discord chat and answered some questions about Cryptid! Here’s some of what went down:

Implied Q: How did you come up with this idea?

Rogha: Okay, so I saw this tumbly post like three years ago and it was HumansofSomewhereOtherThanNewYorkLikeMAYBESeattle. And it was about this lady who accidentally adopted a wolf (wolfdog?) from a shelter. Anyway, I couldn't find the post, so maybe it was all a dream, but that's the idea birth.

Q: Why did you choose the name Shakira for the doggo/wolfie?

Rogha: Shewolf. She was [also] a gazelle in Zootopia and I used that as bizarre animal foreshadowing. When I referred to her as 'playing a giraffe in that one film' ... I only ever foreshadow in jokes and I dont think anyone ever notices.

Q: Did you have it planned from the start that he’d end up a cryptid?

Rogha: Not at all. I'm not sure how that happened exactly, but probably like 'what is the most implausible thing to happen if you walk your dog at drunk people going home o'clock?'

Q: What was your favorite scene/bit to write?

Rogha: Uh... probably the text convos? NO. THE EMAILS. Those came from a very real place in my soul.

Q: OKAY BUT WHAT ABOUT THE LETTER TO WES?

Rogha: Well, he had to tell Wes somehow. And I figured Wes was a horse kid and Soul was a wolf kid. And also that Soul is a weenie.

Q: Since this is such a silly story, was it fun to work on the whole time or were there parts that were tough?

Rogha: Some parts were tough, actually, like trying not to make everything happen too fast but trying to keep it in that short format? I'm not sure how well I succeeded with it actually, but just timing it all was difficult. Like, I wanted to show Soul getting closer to the squad by him treating them the same way he treats Wes, but I think I went too fast with the 'Soul hangs you on those he loves.' Which is a bizarre thing to do now that i think about it.

Q: Did you have a plan going into it, or did the sillyness just happen organically?

Rogha: Me? A plan?

Q: Who was your favourite character to write?

Rogha: Black Star maybe? (Or Stein. Maybe Stein.) Black Star was like the weird voice of reason though. His life was strangely together and he's just such a bro.

Q: The guerrilla repairman thing caught me off guard, but now I'm married to it.

Rogha: Well, that's like... a hundred percent Ron Swanson. I'm trying to use my words here. Like Ron Swanson would call you by the wrong name, but like, if the streetlamp near your house had the bulb blown and you had to walk 20 feet in darkness at night, he would fix it. So I took that guerillahandyman thing Ron Swanson does and applied it to Blackstar because he's tough and he can be a little scary, but he's huge softie.

Q: Why did you decide to make Shakira blind?

Rogha: That's a tough question, and it's a product of research. I was looking into the care of wolves as pets and if they're not cared for properly, they can go blind. So then I looked into the care of blind dogs. Blind dogs can be very shy and they can't go up stairs. Ultimately it was easier for me to justify to myself keeping a wolf as a pet if she was more dependent on humans, because really wolves are wild animals and shouldn't be kept as pets. I think as well, it added a set of challenges and solutions to the fic. Wolves and wolfdogs are very prone to escaping and trying to escape; blind dogs tend to be homebirds. Wolves are incredibly social, blind dogs are not. Walking a blind dog is a much slower process and for Shakira, who is very shy, I could justify the night walks better that way.

Q: Was there a bit that was your least favorite to write?

Rogha: Also tough. There are parts - Soul's work, his visit with his great aunt - that I didn't really like writing, and maybe no one liked reading, but I thought it was important to show like, what Soul's life is like without Shakira and Maka and Black Star. But god they were tough. There are some parts I like in them, but that was an uphill battle for me.

Q: I have to know. What the heck is yellow pack cola? It's killing me inside.

Rogha: Oh. It's just like... generic? Yellow pack is just slang for generic. I thought that was a thing but apparently not. Did you guys argue about this?

Q: Not argue, just discuss. Q: We didn't argue so much as hypothesize and comb through urban dictionary. One theory had to do with Fallout.

[for reference: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bXJgAP_EDzI/Tx3n8RqWbMI/AAAAAAAAIVQ/zijEb500e6U/s1600/No-Name-Cola.jpg]

Q: Was there a character you identified with a lot while writing?

Rogha: I identify a lot with Soul, or at least I write him in a way that is very reminiscent of my feelings of 'I want friends but I want them to come to me, I am too afraid.' I think that's why I probably write from his perspective a lot. I only write from Maka's if she's tired or drunk anymore it seems, which is weird because objectively we have more in common.

Q: What was it like working with your artists?

Rogha: Uh, AMAZING. Amanda lived in Seattle and she really helped me set the vibe and the setting, and her art blew me away. It really conveyed the mystery and the humour I wanted. And Sig was so sweet and like, that shit is legit hard to do. The snuggles nearly killed me my guys. Also, for the first time ever, I shared a timezone with a partner.

Q: Sequel in the works?

Rogha: I'm not saying there is, but if there was, it would be called Cryptid 2: The Night of the Return of the Wolfwalker from Hell. Also Soul and Maka did not smooch even once, so there's that.

Q: Are Hercules and Shakira dbffs [dog best friends forever]?

Rogha: Yes. I was going to make her cold as fuck but then he might die, so I could not.

Q: Is Hercules ever cool with Soul? Does Soul win him over with treats?

Rogha: That would be in the unconfirmed sequel.

Thanks again to Rogha for an awesome AMA! Stay tuned for more AMA transcripts coming soon!

#AMA transcripts #rbbc #resbang #Cryptid

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jillmckenzie1 · 6 years ago

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The Silver Lining – Online Dating on the Road

Once upon a time, in a galaxy not so far away, I came across a guy on Bumble who immediately proclaimed in his bio that faith was the number quality that he was looking for in a woman. Okay. He then proceeded to say how much he loved positivity and hated photo filters: “Real is beautiful.” You got it, bud. I second the filter hate train. I mean, I’ll send you a dumbass video of me with cheeseburgers circling around my head, but a hard no on the cat ears for public visibility. In true Stephanie fashion, I led with: “Should I start sending all my Snapchat filter selfies now or later?” (don’t worry, the answer is yes, I do amuse myself). Here’s the part where you sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. His response: “Funny, Funny. I wonder what a vagina looks like filtered? Huh [insert light bulb emoji]. I have an idea. Test it out for us. Send me one both ways. I’ll let you know [insert smiley face emoji].”

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Yep, this actually happened. Seriously. I responded and questioned why, on any planet in any point in time, he believed this response would be an acceptable way to speak to a woman. Ever. I recall using words like “disgusting” and “degrading” (I’m sure the screenshot is somewhere deep in the abyss of my iPhotos if you need evidence). His response? He was joking. Right. Super funny, dude. Real funny. Report. Block. Terminate. Bye.

If you’re single, you’re not surprised by this story. If you’re in a relationship, I hope to God you are completely astounded. And, while I often think dating apps are the absolute devil, it is also the current means to an end. Are you even a real single person if you are not on a dating app? Not even kidding. Okay, slight over exaggeration, but truly, never in our wildest teen years did us 30-something-year-olds imagine using our phones to score a significant other (AIM, sure, but not our phones).

So, I exist in my current reality. Fact: I’m single. Fact: I’m transient. Fact: I’d like to be in a relationship. Fact: I don’t care whether or not that relationship exists in a transient or stationary state. So, yes, if our vibe is high and you want to hop in the Airstream and explore every end of the earth, great. If you work in a job you love in a city that you call home, ask me to stay. Let’s ride the wave. Together. Because, seriously, doing life with someone who really gets you better than anyone else ever could is the real damn deal.

Back to dating. I don’t think anyone actually dates anymore. I am actually convinced that it’s not really a thing these days. There’s like pre-dating in which you entertain the idea of actually dating. And then there is friend-zoning or jumping deep into the abyss of quasi-matrimony. I speak with experience from the former, not the latter. And, mark my words, “friends with benefits” is so hot right now. I actually went toe-to-toe with two guy friends at a bar last weekend in a pursuit to convince them that the typical Millennial male is more often than not seeking a friend with whom he can simply have sex than an actual committed relationship (let’s just say they didn’t disagree). Because, I actually do believe that most men do not want to sleep around with handfuls of random girls. They seem to be perplexed by their own paradoxical existence of not wanting anything serious (i.e. being forced to attend your grandma’s 80th birthday with you) while simultaneously wanting to have sex as much as humanly possible.

Let me present to you exhibit A.

I moved to Denver in my Airstream last spring. I met a guy on Bumble who happened to be on the way to a bachelor party for the weekend. I assumed we would engage in an hour-long text conversation that would end with him asking me to send nudes or with him sending me a completely unsolicited dick pic (because, yes, as you can assume from the above scenario, guys really do that). I’d tell him to (a) Google a nude, any nude (most certainly not mine), if that’s what he wanted, or (b) I’d cuss him out for exposing himself like a disturbed and arrogant asshole, and I’d add another tally to my list of douchebags found in the wild.

Welp, surprisingly, he proved me wrong. Beyond that, he actually seemed interested in who I was as a human being, and he proceeded to text me non-stop over the course of the weekend. While at a bachelor party (I feel that this detail needs repeating).

So, he returns home three days later and we commit to actually meeting face to face (like, whoa). And, for lack of a better word, it’s flawless. We’re super funny together (priority one), conversation is natural, and chemistry is fire. We hang out for a few weeks, which inevitably leads to sex. Immediately, he drops the bomb: let’s be friends. Let’s. Be. Friends? Oh wait, I’m sorry, correction, let’s be BEST friends. Perfect. Great. Because, I’m really lacking in the best friend department (insert massive eye roll here).

At this point, I assume it will die out. I assume that he used the nice guy “let’s be friends” card in an attempt to save my feelings and he will vanish as quickly as he had appeared. But, no. He quite literally continues to pursue my friendship. For a month he asks me to do nearly everything with him. He also proceeds to pay for everything: climbing, concerts, movies. Let’s note here that he also proceeds to take my clothes off on a semi-regular basis (despite his constant commentary on us needing rules to prevent such happenings). Final bomb: after a Luke Bryan concert, while sitting on a bench enveloped by a Colorado night sky, he tells me that he loves my soul. I’m sorry, what? Like, we are dating, bro. We. Are. DATING. I don’t care what you title me, but let’s call this thing by its Urban Dictionary definition. He follows up this statement with the fact that I simply deserve better. One, I think I am being dumped for the first time without ever actually having been in an established relationship. Two, fuck off. No one gets to tell me what I deserve. I decide that. So, no, I don’t deserve better. You simply deserve less based on your own evaluation of whatever this thing is that we’re doing. Say that, please. Own that.

So, spring came. And, spring went.

Summer roared in like a lion, and I committed myself to rock faces and mountain peaks, two things that I find to be (surprisingly) much more predictable than men. I also dove even deeper into my work (don’t worry, the digital dating gods still delivered amidst my commitment to my professional projects).

Enter exhibit B.

As a freelance creative director and brand strategist, I work remotely for all of my clients. Idaho. California. Kentucky. Texas. I sometimes wonder if I have a subconscious goal to knock off all 50 states. With all that being said, I met a guy in another state who pursued me completely on his own accord. My vision had always been to travel with my Airstream, but I was never 100% certain on dates. This guy gets my number, he uses round-about questions to engage me in some witty banter, and low and behold he says, “Move down here and I’ll fix all your dating problems.” Wow. Bold statement. I like it. So, after a couple months in this state of flirting euphoria, I commit (amongst a sea of many factors, but I’m intrigued by what’s happening here). He calls me pet names and we have running jokes, and if you know me, these are the keys to my heart. So, I’m smitten kitten. Without any expectation of what will actually become of it. If anything.

The point here is that I show up. I have the luxury of saying yes and then doing something about it. I want to be next to him, so I choose that. Because his voice brings this uncanny smile to my face, and when his name appears on my iPhone notifications, there is a simultaneous level of excitement and comfort. He is fireworks, and he is coming home. And the beauty lies not only in the feeling, but also in the reciprocation of the feeling. Because, there is zero bone in my body that has interpreted anything that he’s told me as being untrue.

Until I’m there. Until I’m standing in front of him begging for every inch of contact. And, that alone becomes the culmination of months of aggressive flirting. Me. Begging (like, seriously, just kiss me before I scream). Because he likes me, but he doesn’t know. I’m sorry, what? Yes, he likes me, but he doesn’t know. Because, self-admittedly, he is a tease. And, he likes it, even though he’s not proud of it (his words, not mine). Perfect. Great. Because, my character flaw is not consuming enough water daily. The effect of this flaw on other people: zero.

At this point, I need to clarify two things. One, I respect people who have an awareness about what they do not know. There is nothing wrong with not knowing. I would take harsh honesty over a sugar-coated lie ten times out of ten. My frustration or disappointment or bewilderment exists in the actions that suggest otherwise. I get it, the pursuit is fun, but if you are not ready to take the elk out of the woods after the hunt, then why are you going hunting in the first place? Terrible metaphor, by the way, but rolling with it. Two, I do not believe in forcing anything in life. I spent far too many years making things happen in the pursuit of checking off items from some proverbial checklist (which is entirely bullshit, by the way). So, for someone not to choose me does not devastate my being. Yes, I have feelings. Lots of them. Too many of them, probably (hello, Leo over here). But, in a world where we get to choose everything (for argument’s sake), I’m not into forcing anyone into a choice that involves me.

What I have observed in this last eighteen months of singledom is that no one wants to commit. To anything. There is no need to commit to anything. Most guys are on dating apps to have sex. Okay, rephrase, most guys are on dating apps posing like they want something substantial in order to get sex. I actually have the most respect for bios that read, “If I’m being honest, just looking to hook up.” Bravo. Kudos to you, dude. Because, I have had my own seasons of wanting more and wanting less. And, there is nothing wrong with either choice. There is nothing wrong with existing in either space. It’s the lack of honesty that burns me to my core. Stop flirting with me if it’s not going anywhere. Stop wasting my time. I don’t need more friends off of Bumble, or sliding into my DMs, or through obscure means of getting my phone number. Truly. I’ve reached my lifetime quota after 34 years.

In tandem, what I have observed in the last eighteen months about myself is that I am, most certainly, a lover and believer of words. And, that is the crux. That online dating, or simply just dating, is this whole show of words. That are so easily believed. And it’s just all shit. If I had a dollar for every guy who suggested running away with me in my Airstream, I would have been able to pay straight cash for my new F-150 a few weeks ago. Seriously. There’s one in LA, and a couple in New Jersey, a handful in Texas, and so many in Colorado that I’ve actually stopped counting. Because the minute I say, “Okay, I’m calling you on this statement,” my experience indicates that they can’t live up to it.

Great, tell me all about your fantasies, homeboy, only to ghost two days later (or, better yet, I find out about your undying love for your current girlfriend on your second to last Instagram post from five days ago). Newsflash, smoother operator, this is my actual life over here. Hope you enjoyed your glimpse.

So, yes, I’m attempting to not grow cynical. I’m also attempting to unpack two very real personal questions. One, if a game must be played in order to win the affection of another, and that game requires me to act outside of my normal state, then am I even winning if I do “win?” For example, guy articulates that he doesn’t know if he wants anything. Then, the same guy asks for me to bring him food because he’s stuck at work. I show love through service, so naturally, my being is dying to deliver said food. But, guy advice (based on my current inner circle) is usually, don’t bring him the food: “He’s using you. If he can’t say that he wants you, but is willing to get favors from you, show him that you don’t have time to do him favors without him giving you a respectable level of commitment.” And, this is fair. This actually makes sense. But, still, I deliver the food (yep, that’s me) because, yep, that IS me. And, I don’t want to be anything but myself. Ever.

Two, what is my responsibility to give people space to be honest and themselves but also to guard my own heart in that process? I believe in ease. I believe that there are certain things in life that mysteriously and beautifully fall into place. I’d like to believe that a romantic relationship would unfold in a similar fashion. But, if this guy says he doesn’t know and then proceeds to engage with me in a fashion that suggests otherwise, should I believe his actions or his words? And, the fact that I’m asking that question is my answer, right? If the right person were standing in front of me, I’m confident I wouldn’t have to be choosing between his actions and his words in the first place because there would be an alignment in both areas that carries the level of integrity that I demand for in my own self. Yet, here I am, FaceTiming my best male friend at 7:32pm on a Wednesday night to ask how to respond to the 47th text message from a guy who just doesn’t know what it is that he wants from me, making me perplexed on how to proceed with my own verbiage and actions.

At this point, let’s add the nomadic element to the mix. And, I am quite confident that therein lies a bigger piece to this commitment-phobic puzzle. Because, it is easy to fall into a routine with someone who resides within your city limits and has a similar schedule to your scripted life. It is an entirely different thing to choose a person who has the freedom to leave. To ask someone to stay requires a deeper level of commitment. It means that someone is choosing for me to do life alongside him, and it means that we are taking off into the sunset together or I am abandoning the road to call someone my home. Ultimately, that choice is my desire. Because, the more I embark on adventures alone, the narrower the gap becomes for me to experience those things for the first time with someone else.

And, I’m starting to question whether or not anything is actually beautiful without it being shared, without it being seen through two sets of eyes in the same moment, if anything is real without the conversation of that thing existing between two coherent bodies.

So, I continue to sit and manifest these desires in the belief that, one day, I’ll be done with the exhibits. That, one day, someone will choose me, and I will choose him back. Without force. Without fear. Without the twenty questions. Granted, maybe I’ve already missed out on Mr. Perfect somewhere in between. Because I didn’t like his shoes. Or his haircut was weird. Or, I swiped left because he failed to include a bio (c’mon, guys). Regardless, I know that wanting something requires attention to that thing. I know that wanting someone requires intentionality to his existence. So, I’m here. Showing up. Attempting to live outside of our digital dead zone. Attempting to keep doing the work to have that one thing that my heart yearns to explore. I can reason that if it were easy, then everyone would do it. Like, really do it. It’s not easy. Not everyone does it. Like, really does it. But, it will damn well be worth it.

Meanwhile, if you need help with your pickup lines, don’t hesitate to slide into my DMs. They’re currently still free for the taking.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/the-silver-lining-online-dating-on-the-road/

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