#guess who cried a lot and guess who didn’t shed a single tear | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lesbolieeh · 4 years ago

Text

Crown (m)

Sub!Soojin ((G)I-DLE) ✦ Soft dom!Fem!Reader

WC—5.8 ✦ k

WARNING—bathtub sex ✦ role-play (lovers) ✦ scissoring ✦ blindfolding ✦ stripping ✦ unprotected sex ✦ light S&M ✦ dacryphilia ✦ body worship ✦ nipple play ✦ light spanking ✦ breath play ✦ lingerie ✦ teasing ✦ thigh kink ✦ tattoo kink ✦ brief begging ✦ biting ✦ praise ✦ marking ✦ mommy kink (mami) ✦ princess kink

THEMES—smut ✦ angst ✦ fluff ✦ best friend au

NOW PLAYING—imagine ✦ Ariana Grande

[A/N.] this is hands down one of my favorite smuts i’ve ever written

M.LISTS—(g)i—dle ✦ latest updates

✦ ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ✦ ੈ ✦ ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ✦ ੈ ✦

Valentine’s Day.

The happiest day of the year for couples.

Couples could finally do PDA and have people cooing at them in either cuteness or jealousy, but never disgust because PDA was allowed on Valentine’s Day.

People could finally have an excuse to do something special for someone, like making a grand romantic gesture or even proposing. It was supposed to be that way, right?

I was going to have a corny day together with my girlfriend of three years, Sooyoung. Every single detail all the way from the restaurant to the hotel room had been thought out by me, because – not only am I romantic – I always like to be prepared. Not to sound cocky or to flatter myself, but the plan was so good even I was impressed with it. Except not everything went to plan.

My lover decided to break up with me one month before the awaited day. One month before Valentine’s Day! Only two weeks into the new year! She had “grown out of love” as she’d said. Guess one of her New Year’s resolutions was to break up with me.

My parents had met her and accepted her — which said a lot, since they’ve always had high standards and never liked any of my previous lovers — so it was safe to say that I felt lost.

For two weeks I’d avoided contact with my family, so I wouldn’t have to tell them the news yet because I was embarrassed, I was single right in time for the day of love. The only person who knew, other than me and Sooyoung, was my best friend Soojin.

Since the moment I told her, she made it her daily routine to come to my place with open arms and a warm embrace. I never cried in front of anyone but her. It isn’t weak to shed tears, in fact shedding tears takes a lot of strength, I simply don’t feel comfortable showing myself vulnerable to others, and especially not after being hurt by someone I trusted.

With Soojin, it was different, however. We’ve known each other for so many years and we know most of each other’s secrets already. I know that when I cry in front of her it’s without being judged and she knows the same goes for her.

One day when she, like normally, went to my place, her smile was abnormal. It was fake. I knew it was fake. After all these years of knowing her, I could distinguish her fake smiles from her true ones faster than Soyeon can rap.

Being the caring best friend I am, I asked her what had happened. At that, she broke down and let go of the fooling smile; she can never lie to me for more than a few seconds. Her girlfriend, Naeun, had broken up with her. Honestly speaking, it was understandable why she wanted to break up with Soojin: 1. She spent too much time with me 2. She never told her about her thoughts or what bothered her 3. She didn’t treat Naeun like the queen everyone knows she is.

Soojin was mature and didn’t beg her for a second chance because she knew Naeun deserved someone better; someone who not only knew she deserved to be treated like a queen but treated her like one. But no matter how mature she was, it didn’t make the pain smaller on her part. She was disappointed in herself for ever being in a relationship where she didn’t treat her lover right.

And so it was my turn to comfort her. For a couple of days, I had opened arms and a warm embrace for her to find comfort in until she had calmed down.

Impulsively, we went to a tattoo shop and got her a tattoo. It wasn’t the I’m-heartbroken-and-need-a-tattoo-to-look-good tattoo, it was the I-need-some-inspiration-in-this-dark-place tattoo. After brainstorming for a long ten minutes, she got the best idea. “Don’t hide me,” in italics right under her collarbone, above her heart to remind herself to not hide her feelings.

She had been in great pain for the quarter of time it took to do the tattoo, but she didn’t seem to mind… Judging by the way she was biting her lower lip, she was holding in a pained whine, seemingly trying to impress me by handling the pain. When the torture finally had come to an end, the final product made her smile truly – although that part of her body had to be covered with plastic and some tape whenever she so much as wanted to shower.

A week away from Valentine’s Day, me and Soojin made a pact; the kind of pact we never would have planned to have with each other. During the holiday we’d do all the cheesy things we had planned to do to our now-ex-lovers – but the most crucial parts was that A) the other person wouldn’t judge and B) next day all of it would be forgotten. Wow. We had grown so dependent on each other’s care that we made the kind of pact we never would have planned to have with each other…

It was probably stupid to do such a thing with a best friend of so many years, but it was also the ‘healthiest’ thing to do for us two. Although I, at this point, had convinced Soojin that I was over Sooyoung, I still hadn’t convinced myself. And the same went for Soojin; she had convinced me she was over Naeun, but not herself.

My plan for Valentine’s Day was sublime and if I didn’t go through with it, I would regret it — and, damn, I couldn’t wait a whole year for the next opportunity (if I even would get the opportunity)!

And that explains this. Us standing. A week later. On a romantic rooftop. Dressed nicely. Smiling awkwardly at each other. On Valentine’s Day.

“Since you’re my girlfriend tonight, let’s go down to the room I rented, shall we?”

“This feels weird,” she giggled lightly.

“Play along!” I held out my hand for her to hold and flashed her a smile. She reciprocated my smile and took my hand, following my lead down the stairs to our hotel room; the room I had originally booked for me and Sooyoung.

Our hands were sweating. It wasn’t the first time we held hands, but it was the first time we ever did something like this together; something normal best friends don’t do. The affection we’ve displayed to each other throughout the years had been mostly words and hugs and sometimes cuddles. But now…we were going to show affection in ways we’ve only done to lovers.

Tall wooden door (yes, I paid extra for a fancy room); arrival. Sighs of relief. Her sigh was louder than mine; she was more nervous than me. Why?

I held out the black card key in front of the sensor above the golden knob but retracted it before the door unlocked.

“If you want to turn back, now is the time to do so. I don’t want to go through with this if you don’t want to,” I said and looked at her.

Her eyes told me that it was OK, but I needed her consent to be sure she was OK.

“I want to do this, don’t worry,” she smiled a little as her heart pounded.

Without breaking eye contact, I put the card in front of the sensor again and waited a few microseconds for it to unlock. I turned the knob and opened the door to the pact. “After you,” I gestured her to enter the room.

“Why thank you,” she blushed and hurried inside so I wouldn’t catch a glimpse of her flustered state. But I did. And I smiled when I saw it.

The room was big and open. Simple, but just perfect. Knowing me and my cheesy nature, Soojin had expected perhaps some rose petals on the bed or a few scented candles by the bed but, to her surprise, she saw none of that. I pushed her down onto the soft bed with silk sheets, distracting her for the real surprise, and sat beside her.

“Before we do anything, we need safe words.”

“Safe words?” she inquired and raised a brow unknowingly.

“A word to say in case anyone goes overboard or passes the limits,” I explained shortly.

“Alright, mine is apple.”

“Why apple though?” I giggled at her randomness.

“I ate an apple today.” (It was true, she’d had a green apple because she once read that green apples make your breath smell better.)

“If you’re going for a fruit I am too. My safe word is peach.”

“Why peach?” she raised her brow at me stealing her fruit idea.

“Your peach looks really good in those pants, so it was the first thing I thought of,” I replied and laughed at her flustered self.

She knew she had a plump peach. It was just embarrassing hearing it from me since I, as her best friend, am supposed to not acknowledge how incredibly pretty she is – and especially when it comes to body parts such as peaches!

I put my hand on her thigh to get her attention away from the embarrassment. “Tonight, I’m not your best friend anymore, Princess,” I said with a newfound tone that sent shivers down Soojin’s spine.

I neared her and whispered in her ear, “Tonight, I’m your Mami.”

She gulped. I had always been a dominant person in everything I did, so she expected nothing less than that in bed — but the foreign titles took her by surprise. But it only made sense for me to use titles in bed because I was classy like that.

“What’s your safe word?” I asked to make sure she knows she can use it whenever she wants to. After all I didn’t know what was out of her comfort-zone.

“Apple.”

“If you feel uncomfortable you know you need to say that word, understood?”

“Yes, Mami,” she answered, a blush creeping up her neck to her cheeks.

With her green light I continued, “Good girl.”

At the praise, her cheeks matched the floating rose petals. I loved how responsive she was already. Before tonight I wasn’t sure what kind of partner she would be but finding out what she likes step by step excites me – more than I thought finding out my best friend’s kinks would excite me. I want to know everything. What turns her on, what makes her scream, what makes her cry; everything.

“My best friend’s into praise, hm. Who would have thought?” I teased and squeezed her thigh lightly.

“I’m not your best friend anymore, Mami. I’m ‘Princess’, right?” I looked into her eyes and saw something I’d never seen in them before. Was it lust? Was it something else? How could I be sure of what it was if I hadn’t seen her like this before?

“Indeed, you are, Princess,” I smiled, slowly feeling my hand up her thick, muscular thigh. She followed my hand’s path up her dress with her gaze and bit her lip like back in the tattoo shop. Was she holding in a moan, perhaps? When my hand was at the top, soon on her V-line, I heard how her breathing grew louder and more unsteady. She seemed to enjoy her thighs being touched.

I noticed how she put one of her legs over the other nervously, and smirked. To tease her, I let go of her thigh and walked up to the door to the bathroom. She tensed. Maybe she wanted me to touch her some more?

“After you, Princess,” I said and opened the door to the bathroom for her. Once again that stereotype-breaking gesture had her blushing ferociously.

She went into the new room, not expecting much waiting for her. But the sight she was met by was nowhere near what she expected, yet it didn’t shock her one bit. A large bathtub filled with atypical pink water and typical red rose petals floating on the surface. She chuckled, “As expected, my best friend is a cheesy person.”

“I’m not your best friend anymore, Princess. I’m your Mami, right?” I asked with a confident smirk.

“Y-Yes,” she stuttered and turned away from me so she could avoid my powerful gaze.

“Yes what?” I pushed a little to see how comfortable she was with the title.

“Yes, I’m Mami’s Princess,” she said under her breath.

I went up behind her and wrapped my arms around her torso, feeling the expensive fabric under my fingertips. “Want to take this off for me?”

“Y-Yes, Mami.”

I smiled, “Then give me a little show.” She gulped as I sat down on the edge of the tub to get a full view of her. With adrenaline coursing through her body, she let one strap fall off her shoulder teasingly. Then the other. Followed by the dress rolling off her body and planting on the floor. As soon as her skin was touched by the air, goosebumps formed, and she flexed her abs. She sure had worked hard to get to flex her muscles like this.

Biting my lip, I pointed at her bra, “Take that off too.” The way I bit my lip made her feel confident. I didn’t bite my lip to prevent honest sounds from falling out like Soojin had done, I bit my lip to prevent myself from ripping the rest of her clothes off. She unhooked the bra and let it slip down her arms and to the floor, next to her forgotten dress, showing her beautiful, plump boobs and chocolate brown nipples. Now, in front of me, was she standing in nothing but a pair of panties that were fitting all too tight due to that thick peach. She was gulping under my gaze, waiting for me to instruct her on what to do.

“Show me your princess part, Princess.” Blushing at the euphemism, she put her fingers under the waistband and pulled her panties down. She was fit and attractive. Each muscle on her body was visible, and she even took a breath in to bring her boobs up higher. “You’re so pretty, Princess,” I praised and watched a small smile break out on her face.

She walked to me with her head down and stood with her figure towering my sitting posture. “Do you want me to touch you, Princess?”

“Yes, please.” At that, I put a finger in the middle of her chest and traced it down her abs and slowly down to her slit. Damn, had I made her that wet already. She bit her lip again to stop any embarrassing noises from escaping; she wanted to impress me by being good. But I didn’t want to give her too much pleasure yet.

“Let’s get wet now, shall we? I didn’t fill this tub for aesthetics…” She laughed lightly, feeling more at ease at the small joke I made. Listening, she slowly set foot into the tub and tried not to spill so much as a drop of the water. It took her a good half minute to fully settle down — but that was good, because it gave me plenty of time to prepare additional surprises for her.

When she averted her attention from the pink water and back to me, she was met by an astonishing, breathtaking, life-changing sight. Me. In lingerie. With a red silk blindfold in hand. This specific lace lingerie was Sooyoung’s favorite, so I naturally chose to wear it now – in red to match the theme of the holiday. I felt the most comfortable in it. In this color. In this fabric. Everything made me feel sexy. But the memories of what me and she had done while I was in it brought back a gloominess.

Soojin didn’t know how to react. Did I pick the color red because it was the traditional color of Valentine’s Day or because I knew it was her favorite color? For some odd and unknown reason, she hoped for the latter one.

“You look so pretty like this, Princess, but I think you’d look even better in this,” I winked and held up the red blindfold. She shuddered. The little piece of fabric was something different. Never had she ever used one in the bedroom — only in fun games with friends, where you had to trust your teammates. Now, however, she was going to put her trust in me.

“What’s your safe word?”

“Apple,” she answered, “I trust you. You don’t need to ask me about it all the time, I’ll tell if you need to stop.”

“But we’ve never done this before so I’m scared of it going wrong,” I admitted.

“I trust you. Trust me too, Mami.”

“As you wish, Princess,” I replied.

Once again, I sat down on the edge of the bathtub. I lowered the love blindfold to her face, holding it right above. She was looking at me with those big, curious eyes, filled with anticipation for what was going to happen. How long I was staying still was quickening her heartbeat; she knew I wanted her to be verbal.

“Please,” she said, feeling slightly impatient; her heart would jump out her chest any second now. Smiling, I finally put the blindfold on her and tightened it behind her head, making sure it wasn’t too tight since I didn’t want to ruin her beautiful hair or innocence too much. Oh wait, scratch the last one. I petted her hair, which was equally smooth as the silk around her head. “Does it hurt, Princess?” I asked, referring to the blindfold.

“No, Mami.” The silk was smooth against her skin and, although all she could see was darkness, it was magical; all the other senses were heightened. She could hear me breathing and even imagine what I was thinking whilst I was touching her this gently. Maybe I was thinking of how much I loved her as a best friend. Maybe I was thinking of how I’d ruin her. Maybe I was thinking of what to do next.

Slowly I proceeded to her neck. She could feel my presence, through my breaths on her skin, and thus elongated her neck for me — she couldn’t see me, but she could sense what I wanted. I began placing small kisses up her neck to her well-defined jaw and down to the heart tattoo on her shoulder, while she tried to keep her breathing in control. The kisses were small, yet they made such a big impact on her since her sense of touch was thousands of times greater than normal.

“M-Mami?”

“Yes, Princess,” I said between kisses.

“Can I…touch you?”

“Not yet,” I smirked and moved further down to her collarbone. I left open-mouthed kisses all over it and stopped to admire her tattoo. Technically I had been the one who had encouraged her to get it. It was so small, but it held so much meaning behind it. My fingers were tracing along the tattoo, soothing Soojin. She felt calm. She felt at peace. She felt connected to me. When my fingers traced lower and experimentally touched her nipple, she let out a whimper. Bingo.

“Sensitive much?”

She didn’t answer.

“I asked you something, Princess,” I said with a less kind voice.

“Yes, Mami. I-I’m sensitive, but you already knew that.”

It was true. She didn’t show her vulnerability and sensitivity at the start of our friendship, but as soon as she opened up to me I realized her soul didn’t match her cold exterior. She never liked it when I jokingly roasted her, only being into compliments and praises. Praising. I bet she’d be into that.

She whimpered out a 'Mami’ when I attached my lips to her nipple. Trying to not shock her body too much, I only gave a quick kitten lick, yet it seemed to affect her a lot when she couldn’t hold back a sole whimper. I couldn’t tell if it were because of the sensitivity provided by the blindfold or because she had sensitive nipples. Either way, I wanted to test how much I could make her feel.

To give her a little sensation without touching her, I breathed on the wet nipple so she shivered a little at the coldness. She put both of her hands on each edge of the tub to stabilize herself, feeling like she could lose the bare control she had now that I found a weak spot of hers. I flattened my tongue and licked against her, making her quiver.

“M-M-Mami,” she stuttered breathily. She wasn’t trying to call me, nor was she trying to tell me anything — my actions simply lit a part of her that seemed to love my title. She knew exactly how to turn me on and this was the first time we had ever been intimate. It was actually cute how my best friend was so accustomed to both mine and her title already. Sooyoung’s title, I meant.

I reached my hand under the surface of the water and felt up her thigh. She moaned. Yes. Moaned. At a simple touch. Ashamed of the moan, she let go of one of the edges and brought her hand over her mouth, making her lose a part of her balance. “Don’t keep your sounds to yourself, Princess. Give them to me,” I ordered.

Smirking against her skin, I started sucking which caused a gasp to erupt at the sudden stimulation. “M-Mami, Mami—” she whimpered loudly. She had tried to keep her noises to herself until now, but although it hurt her pride a little, she liked pleasing me.

How could whimpers sound so beautiful? They were so angelic and graceful, contrary to the scene of sinning. I retracted from her to admire the view. One nipple was red and swollen and the other one was left untouched. Each muscular arm was resting on each edge, trying not to move a millimeter. The blindfold was covering part of her face yet matched with her feverish blush. Her mouth was agape, letting the whimpers I loved oh so much out every now and then. I was happy I hadn’t gone for the cliché bubble bath, because now that the water was clear I could see her naked body — every part from her beauteous tattoos to her seducing curves.

But there was one part of her body that I couldn’t see. One part that was magnificent and that I needed to see. “Turn around,” I whispered in her ear.

“W-What?”

“Turn around and show me your butt, Princess,” I clarified and waited for her to move.

Unsurely, she supported herself on the edges and sat up. Although she couldn’t see she could feel, so she had no difficulty turning around and putting her hands on the edge she had been resting her back on until now. She arched her back, adding to the sex appeal that the tub already delivered. Damn, how could an ass be that good-looking? How could—

“C-Can you spank me?” she interrupted me from my thoughts.

Did I even know my best friend? Or did she know me so well that she knew that was exactly what I wanted to do in that moment?

“What do you say, Princess?”

Good girl knew the answer, “Please.”

“You’ll need to beg a little more than that,” I said teasingly, making her swallow yet another piece of her pride.

“Can you, please, please, spank me, Mami? I’ve been so good until now; don’t I deserve it?”

She made a fair point. And she also confirmed my theory of her having a praise kink.

“Yes, you do, Princess. You’ve been so obedient until now, of course you deserve a little pain.”

Her cheeks tinted pink. Yes, she did indeed have a praise kink.

Suddenly I spanked her, creating a loud echo of skin-to-skin sound. She jolted forward with a whine, not expecting the hit since she couldn’t see me or my hand in the air. Her cheeks jiggled and I swore that my ex had never made me this wet before as I felt my wetness drip down my thighs.

“H-Harder, please, Mami.”

“Since you’re such a good princess for me, of course!” Those words. She loved hearing them. She knew I probably had those thoughts already, since she’s aware she’s a good girl, but hearing me say them made her heart race. Once again, I hit her skin and made her jolt forward from the harsh touch. Except this time, she moaned out my title louder. She held her head down, adding to the submission.

“M-Mami—”

“You want more, Princess?”

“Yes, plea—”

Spank! Before she even could finish her answer, my hand was back on her cheek again — I had already predicted her answer. Now one of her cheeks had my red handprint on it, matching her blindfold and blush, whilst the other cheek had no mark. And I was going to keep it that way. Asymmetry is beautiful.

Her blindfold, nipple and cheek weren’t the only things red. The part of her body that needed me the most hadn’t gotten any attention yet. Her pussy’s color stood out from most of her body and the way she reacted to small touches could only hint at her needing me to touch it.

“Turn around,” I ordered her again.

“W-What— But you haven't—”

“Do you want me to touch your princess part?” I disrupted her.

“Y-Yes.”

“Then turn around and show it to me, Princess.”

She let go of the tub and turned around in the water, making sure to be comfortable when resting her back against it because she knew she’d stay in that position for a while. She heard how I got into the tub too. The water was rippling, and my feet were touching the tub; she could both feel and hear that I got in. Slowly, as to not drive any water out, I sank down onto her lap and put my hands on the tub on either side of her head. The feeling of my smooth skin on her indicated I had taken off the lingerie. That only meant one thing. I drew closer to her and whispered in her ear a million-dollar question: “You really want me?”

Gulping, she nodded promptly.

“Use your words, Princess,” I sang.

She took another gulp before speaking, “Y-Yes, please, Mami.”

“Good girl,” I praised and watched as her true smile made an appearance like it’d done many times tonight…

Only to form an 'o’ and let a long moan out as I sat down and met her pussy with mine deliciously. “Ah~ M-Mami~” The sensitivity of waiting and being blindfolded added with my touch was what brought out her embarrassingly loud moan.

I decided to get back to her stunning neck and kiss it, not forgetting to get closer to her collarbone. I wanted to kiss the birthmark under her eye, but it was covered by the blindfold. It was a distinctive feature of hers, just like her many tattoos. I left one last kiss onher chest and started moving up and down slowly on her pussy, making sure both our clits were rubbing against each other. This wasn’t going to be a hard fuck session; this was going to be a slow and soft lovemaking session because she was my princess.

She sporadically let out moans that ranged from high to low pitched, long to short lasting — all of them were music to my ears — a love song I’d think of every now and then when I didn’t have my princess by my side. The sound of the water moving each time I did was the background music. I started marking her neck with beautiful love bites, not hickeys, because these marks were out of love. Love and pride, as I wanted everyone to see that she was mine.

As I sucked harder on her neck, her moans turned into constant whimpers. She didn’t know what this feeling was. Never had she ever made love with someone before. Sure, she’d been caring in bed but never had she felt this cared for before. On the other hand, it wasn’t my first time. I had done this to Sooyoung every time I wanted her to know how much she meant to me (all the time). But, although this was an illusion me and Soojin had created, it felt real.

“Ma-Mami, can you go rougher on me? Please?” At that I sunk my teeth into her collarbone, not the one with the new tattoo, but the bare one. I didn’t want to cover the meaning behind the tattoo, instead I wanted to cover the other part of skin, so I’d be the one who in a way adorned both sides. The friend in me was in her tattoo and the lover in me was in her love mark. She bit her lower lip to try to conceal the pathetic whimper, failing while doing so. Sure, she loved being taken care of, but she also loved pain.

My thrusts were slow, yet long lasting, like the memory of this night would be soon. This felt surreal. Our connection. Our love. Our everything. The love bites on her neck and the literal bite mark on her collarbone would be enough proof the next morning when Soojin’d wake up that this night in fact had happened.

She let go of her lower lip and let the whimpers out freely, not caring that it hurt her pride because when you’re in love your pride doesn’t matter as much as it did before. She was reaching her breaking point and so was I but we both purposely held our orgasms back. We didn’t want this to end. We wanted this love to last as long as it possibly could. We knew that the next day we would go back to being best friends; there’d be no more Princess and Mami. We knew that we would be gone like the pink water in this tub would be in the morning. The marks would remain on her neck and shoulder the next morning…but the illusion of love wouldn’t.

“A-Are you cumming?” I asked, drunk on love.

“Y-Yes, b-but I can wait.” We had already been at it for longer than an hour — even the water was cold — but that wasn’t enough. We were both exhausted, both mentally because it was late and physically because of the lovemaking.

“I know you want to cum, Princess,” I said, not wanting her to wear herself out.

“C-Can you choke me first, Mami? Please, I’ve a-always wanted y-you to do that to me,” she mumbled.

I didn’t answer her, instead I let go of the edge and circled my fingers around her neck. For most people, choking was some kinky shit. But for us, it was romance. I was quite literally holding her life in my hand and she trusted me with it. She trusted me with her whole life, and I didn’t let her down. That’s love; letting yourself into a vulnerable position, knowing the other person can hurt you, but continuing because you have faith in them.

In this moment, she had everything she didn’t know she wanted. She felt like she’d arrived in utopia by accident. There was nothing she wanted to change. Nothing. And neither did I. Her marks were asymmetrical, but that was in my eyes perfect. I tightened my grip on her neck a little, making her choke out a small whiney moan. At the same time, I felt my core aching and hers pulsating. We needed to cum. Physically we needed to. But emotionally we didn’t want to.

“Let’s cum together,” I said and let go of her neck.

“Please, just a little more,” she begged.

“We can’t hold back, and you know it,” I stated.

“Please, Mami,"s she cracked her voice. I looked at her face. Her face was red, and the blindfold had wet patches. The patches weren’t there because of the water splashing on her (I had made sure to not splash any on her face), they were there because they’d gotten out of her eyes. She was crying, not wanting us to come to an end. But we needed to. She wasn’t my girlfriend; she was only playing the role of my girlfriend. I treated her as if she were Sooyoung, not Soojin.

For the first time ever, I kissed her. Not on her body, but on her lips. She returned the kiss with just as much thirst as me. Surrounded by water, yet we thirsted for each other. We needed to savor this before it ran out. I tangled my hands into her soft hair, not caring if I ruined her hair anymore. I didn’t care. All I cared about was this moment. For the first time this night, she let go of the tub fully and put her hands on my skin, letting them relish and remember every curve and edge before she’d never get to touch me like this ever again.

I paused the kiss and said for the last time, "Let’s cum together.”

“Can you take th-the blindfold off first?”

Truth was that she wanted to see me so she could have a visual memory of that one time she made love with her best friend. During all of this, she’d had a blindfold and although she felt that everything was real, she wanted to know for sure she wasn’t dreaming. I untied it and threw it away to who-cares-where. She opened her eyes and took in the view of me. I was naked. I was raw. I was vulnerable. I had no layers shrouding any part of me. “I love you,” she said, looking into my eyes.

Holding her face in my hands, I said, “I love you too.”

And there we reached our climax.

The end.

ONE YEAR LATER

Valentine’s Day.

The happiest day of the year for couples.

I walked into our bedroom and was met by a wonderful view. My real girlfriend was standing in front of our bed. “I missed you so much, Soobaby,” I smiled and kissed her cheek as per usual.

She was clad in only a bra and pair of panties and nothing else. “I have a little surprise for you.”

“Oh really?” I asked, amused, and sat down on the bed as she stood in front of me.

She coughed to clear her throat and looked serious, “I’ve been keeping a little secret from you for a couple of weeks now…”

What did she mean? Had she been reconsidering our relationship? Was I going to relive the same heartbreak as last year?

I must’ve looked worried, because suddenly she broke out of the serious trance she tried to be in and smiled at me. Slowly she pulled down her underwear to reveal the little surprise.

Right on her V-line.

A tattoo.

Of a little crown.

Because she is my princess.

✦ ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ✦ ੈ ✦

❝ Me with no makeup, you in the bathtub Bubbles and bubbly, ooh This is a pleasure, feel like we never act this regular (...) Kiss me and take off your clothes Imagine a world like that ❞

—ariana grande-butera; 2019

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requiem626k · 4 years ago

Note

It's almost like the manga but more a n g s t y

Kunikida, the man who lived by ideals realises how wrong he was to ever have them, it was all fine until he slowly by slowly lost everyone he loved without being able to do anything to help them. Could he really continue his ideals after he failed them?

Torn Pages

Kunikida x GN!Reader

warnings: lots of mentions of death and suicide

genre: hurt/angst

word count: ~900

a/n: alright i’m officially dead inside. i may have teared up a few times while writing this but it was somehow comforting too? i’ll tag a few people who’ve been participating in this angst week i hope you won’t be mad at me :’) @pompompurin1028 @jadegreenimmortality @alittlesimp @bsdparadise @kiyokoxd thank you for the very sweet prompt, Riley.

oh sweet, sweet pain. <3

“I’m so sorry, Kunikida. They were… They were already dead when you brought them in.”

Yosano’s voice resonated in Kunikida’s brain as she left him alone with the body. Strong winds were whistling in his ears while he was trying to process what her words meant.

Sorry?

Dead?

He held your inanimate head and pressed it to his chest, the blood that covered your beloved face rubbed off on his vest.

The tears that started streaming down his face weren’t enough to wipe it off.

He buried his face into your hair and inhaled your otherworldly scent. One last time. He cried, and cried, and cried. Your body muffled his sobs. His steel grip on you got locked, never wanting to let go, never believing that you were… gone.

His ideals included fighting against the evil.

His ideals never included encountering that dangerous man.

His ideals included never giving up and never losing courage.

His ideals never included you using your body as his shield.

His ideals never included your departure from life.

Just as how his ideals never included pulling the trigger on an innocent, brainwashed child. Letting a little girl commit suicide in front of his eyes. Causing another little girl to go through the severe trauma of waiting for the sweet voice of death with a ticking bomb on her chest.

Every single drop of blood that had been shed because of him slowly formed a silhouette and gripped his throat tightly. He felt short of breath.

“How do you like playing God now?” the silhouette hissed with hatred. “Deeming it possible to program the life with some fucking schedules, to have everything under control after noting down some shitty ideals. Pathetic.”

With that last word, the grip suddenly tightened and Kunikida didn’t feel strong enough to escape it. He knew those words were true. More accurate than anything he had believed in. As he was starting to see stars because of the lack of oxygen, he struggled in vain with a last sprinkle of hope and managed to turn his head slightly to meet the eyes of his executioner, the eyes of his Confessor.

The eyes he met was yours.

“Why did you kill me, Kunikida?”

The metallic voice he had been hearing slowly turned into yours.

“I didn’t do anything wrong. Why did you kill me? Why did you kill us? We didn’t do anything wrong. We never did something wrong. Did we do something wrong?”

He hopelessly shivered at your words, and stopped fighting.

“I guess I did. I wasn’t the ideal one, right? Not the ideal partner. That’s why you killed me. Is that why you killed me?”

His legs gave up and he felt his trachea crack under your fingers’ strong clutch around his throat.

“I will never forgive you.”

He woke up in sweat with a sharp pain.

He was lying in the Agency’s bed, the bed where your body was once resting peacefully.

He didn’t do anything. He was in a numb state where his body wouldn’t be able to support even the smallest movements.

He wished he could do the same with his brain. He wished he could just stop it, make it cease to work, cease to ask painful questions without answers.

When was the last time his ideals made him happy?

When was the last time he sincerely thought he was grateful to have them by his side?

If he asked them to bring you back, would they be able to do it?

He knew the answer to this last one. Of course not.

Written words can’t do anything.

He had propped his whole life with those written words. He had been holding his ideals to such a high standard that he was blinded by them. He was so concentrated on making the world perfect that he couldn’t see how his world was slowly falling apart with every beloved resident in it.

They had absolutely no worth.

No worth at all.

He had been living a lie for all those years.

He turned his head and saw his vest with his notebook on it.

Tear it out.

His vest looked as neat as ever. There was no longer any trace of your blood on it.

They were able to clean it off.

What about the trace it left on his mind? Would Yosano be able to remove that stain out of his brain? What about his ideals? Do they have a solution for that?

Tear it out.

It was your voice that gave the order.

Tear it out.

He reached out for the notebook.

Tear it out.

He opened the first page.

Tear it out.

He tore it out.

He tore the second page out.

He tore the third page out.

Tear it out.

With every page he tore out, he was getting closer to the fine line between sanity and madness.

With every page he tore out, with every ideal he witnessed getting ripped to shreds, he was trying to make himself believe that you would forgive him now.

But he knew the truth. He knew that you would never forgive him.

He knew that your blood wouldn’t ever fade away. Neither from his hands, nor from his mind.

The flames of his ideals had taken root in him, and were razing everything around him.

He was determined to get rid of those roots. The notebook was just the beginning.

But it’s only common knowledge that when you rip the roots off, the tree dies.

#req writes #kunikida angst #bsd angst #bsd fanfic #bungou stray dogs fanfiction #kunikida fanfiction #kunikida x reader #kunikida x y/n #kunikida x you #i’m not ok :’)

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theres-an-impulstor-among-us · 4 years ago

Note

Evil Scar on 3rd life? I really like your writing btw

3rd Life rly is just a place for people to have villain arcs lmfao /hj also thank you, i’m so glad you enjoy my stuff :D

(just a reminder: do not tag this or any of my work as shipping of any kind)

…

“Mrrow.”

Etho chuckles and leans on his pickaxe as his cat, named Pineapple Pizza, sits down on the staircase behind him, looking up at him. “Heyo. What can I do for you? You hungry?”

Pineapple meows again in response.

“Okay, then. Let’s get you some fish.”

Seemingly delighted with his response, Pineapple jumps up onto Etho’s shoulders and curls herself round the back of his neck. Etho grins and tickles her under the chin as he goes back up the stairs of his mine and emerges back in the swamp. His wool bridge stands proud through the middle of the swampy water, looking rather good for a build made of white wool.

Etho roots around in his chest for some fish, but by the time he finds some, he realises that Pineapple has jumped down from his shoulders. Glancing around, he spots a figure moving around in the trees and heads over to investigate.

As he approaches, Scar emerges from behind the tree and spots him. “Ah, Etho! Good to see you.”

Etho blinks, acutely aware of the red heart on Scar’s neck. “Hi, Scar,” he says warily, but still with a friendly tone. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh, I was just in the neighbourhood and I-.”

“Meow.”

Scar breaks off as Pineapple appears between them, sitting down and starting to lick her paw.

“Is this your cat?” Scar asks, bending down and picking Pineapple up.

Etho starts to reach for his cat but stops, as if afraid of spooking a wild animal. “Uh, yes. Yes, that’s Pineapple Pizza, Piney for short. Scar, could you, um… Sorry, but would you mind not picking her up? She doesn’t like being held by anyone who isn’t me.”

“But she’s so cute.” Scar strokes the top of Pineapple’s head. “I’ve been looking for a cat, you know. Haven’t seen any Jellies on this server so I guess this one’ll have to do.”

As Etho stares at him in shock, Scar turns and walks out onto the bridge. Etho falls into step beside him. “Scar, please,” he pleads. “She’s my cat. I can help you find one of your own, but-.”

“No, I like this one. Not only is she adorable but she seems to be in need of a new home.”

“No, please!” Etho’s voice rises. “Scar, please don’t take her from me! Please!”

Scar steps back, still holding Pineapple in his arms. “I’d stay back from me, if I were you. Otherwise you might lose more than just your cat and your extremely flammable bridge.”

“Wh-.”

Before Impulse even finishes his word, Scar turns and strikes his flint and steel, setting the wool bridge on fire.

“NO!” Etho screeches.

He charges forwards and attempts to stamp out the fire but it’s already spreading, and all he succeeds in doing is burning his leg. Stumbling backwards, Etho realises quickly that his bridge is a lost cause. As the flames explode outwards, all he can do is dive over the edge into the swampy water.

He swims to safety and climbs out onto the shore. By the time he turns around, his entire bridge is alight. Abandoning it, he dashes down the swampy banks, searching wildly for any sign of Scar.

But his former friend is long gone, along with his beloved cat.

…

As the sun rises, Etho sits on top of the hill with his knees drawn into his chest, gazing numbly down at where his bridge used to be. All that’s left is two blocks of wool and some fences. He’s shed so many tears tonight that he has nothing left in him.

Everything he loves is gone. His tree, his bridge, and even his beloved cat. He has nothing now. Nothing.

“Etho!” comes Tango’s call from somewhere to his left. “Etho, where are you?”

Etho doesn’t respond.

After a moment, Tango and Impulse emerge from the forest and discover him sitting on the edge of the hill. Neither of them speak; they’ve already heard what happened. News and gossip travels fast on the server.

They sit down on either side of him, neither of them entirely sure what to say.

“How you holding up, buddy?” Impulse asks eventually.

Etho closes his eyes briefly, releasing one stray tear he didn’t know was there. “Why does Scar hate me?” he whispers.

Tango and Impulse exchange a sympathetic look.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Tango begins. “He…”

“He burned down my tree and my bridge, and took my cat away from me. I must have done something to make him hate me.”

“No, buddy.” Impulse puts his arm over Etho’s shoulder. “Scar is… He’s… different than how he used to be. This server has changed him, and I guess it’s changed all of us. Just… him in a different way.”

After a moment, Etho stands up, shaking Impulse’s arm off his shoulder.

Tango and Impulse also simultaneously rise to their feet. “Are you gonna be okay?” Tango asks.

Etho takes his gloves out of his pocket and puts them on. “Eventually.”

“Not sure I like that answer. Etho, don’t push us away, okay? We’ll help you out, we’ll support you. Anything you need.”

“Yeah,” adds Impulse. “Anything.”

“Alright, I appreciate that. I think I just need to be left alone for a while.”

Exchanging another look, Tango and Impulse reluctantly nod. “Okay,” says the former. “You know where we are if you need us.”

Etho waits until they’re out of sight before climbing into his boat and taking off across the swamp. He has somewhere to be.

…

Etho climbs the sandy hill and stands a safe distance away from the small castle at the top. “Scar!” he calls. “Scar, come here!”

He spots Grian dithering just inside the entrance of the house, but before he can call to him, Scar brushes past him and stands in front of him, crossing his arms. “What do you want, Etho?”

“I want my cat back,” Etho responds steadily. “You’ve now burned down two things that meant a lot to me and I couldn’t stop you, so I’m here to fight for the only thing I have left. If you don’t give her back to me, I WILL resort to violence.”

Grian glances sharply at Scar. “That black cat is Etho’s?”

Scar shrugs. “So what if it is? He’s not gonna do anything about it. The rules say that PvP can only begin if a red lifer initiates it. And if I do initiate violence, I promise you, you won’t last long enough to strike me back.”

Etho’s narrowed eyes flicker to Grian, who reluctantly nods. “He’s right. If Scar strikes first, you’re allowed to strike back. But if he doesn’t, you can’t legally touch him.”

Etho curls his hands into fists. “Why are you doing this, Scar? First my tree, then my cat, then my bridge. Why do you delight in taking away everything I care about?”

“You have no idea how delicious it is to take things from people and watch as they slowly come to realise they can’t do a single thing about it,” replies Scar, grinning maliciously. “Maybe if you had a red heart like me, you’d understand.”

“You get how being on red isn’t a GOOD thing, right?” Grian says warily from behind him. “One more death and you’re gone. And Etho could kill you right now, you know. He’d be breaking the rules, but that wouldn’t bring you back from the dead.”

“You shut up, Grian,” snarls Scar. “I didn’t ask for your input.”

Grian flinches and turns away.

Seeing his friend mistreated like that pushes Etho over the edge. Grian is clearly scared of Scar. There’s no reason for him to be, unless Scar isn’t exactly his friend anymore.

Etho grabs Scar’s lapels and shoves him against the wall. Before Scar can even make a noise, Etho shoves his face close to Scar’s and snarls, “WHERE. IS. MY. CAT.”

“I-I put her upstairs in the bedroom,” yelps Scar. “G-Grian, save me! Don’t let him kill me!”

“I’m not gonna kill you.”

Etho shoves Scar aside and barges into the building. Grian wordlessly leads him upstairs to the room in question, where Etho finds Pineapple curled up on the bed. “Piney!”

She opens her eyes and, upon spotting him, jumps down from the bed and circles his feet, rubbing her head against his ankles.

Etho almost cries with relief. “Oh, Piney… I’m so glad you’re okay.”

He picks up Pineapple and lets her lie across his shoulders, before turning to Grian. “You don’t have to stay with him anymore, Grian. I know you said you owe him your first life, but just look at yourself. You’re miserable here with him. Scar’s turned into a bully, and you’re the person he targets when there’s nobody else around. You don’t have to live like this anymore.”

Grian sighs quietly. “Where would I go? I burned all my bridges when I came here with Scar. And would I even be safe from him?”

“Come live with me in the swamp,” Etho urges. “I’ll protect you. He may be on his red life but if he strikes one of us, the other can take him down. I’ll make sure if he strikes either of us, it’ll be me. You’ve been through a lot since Scar’s first death; you deserve your freedom.”

For a moment, Grian doesn’t seem convinced.

Then Scar’s voice yells his name from downstairs and Grian again finds himself flinching.

This clinches it. He can’t spend the rest of his time on the server doing Scar’s bidding, waiting for either Scar or himself to die. That’s no way to live and he knows it.

Finally, he nods. “Okay, I’ll come with you. Th-Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Etho leads the way back downstairs. He finds Scar standing in the doorway, arms crossed again, seemingly having regained his composure. “I heard what you said. Do you really think you can get away with stealing my cat AND my best friend?”

“She’s not your cat,” snaps Etho.

“I’m not your best friend!” Grian bursts out at the same time.

Scar blinks. “Grian, what’d you just say?”

“You’re not my best friend, Scar! Not anymore. Ever since you lost your first life, you’ve been different. And you’ve only gotten worse since you lost your second. I-I can’t live here with you anymore.” Grian’s voice cracks. “I’m sorry.”

Scar’s shocked expression quickly turns into a ferocious glare. “Fine, then! Go, both of you. But don’t expect any mercy from me when I’m ready to start killing people. I’ll be coming for you first.”

Grian freezes.

Etho takes hold of his wrist and skilfully pulls him past Scar and out of the house. “You’ll be okay, Grian,” he says reassuringly. “I promise.” To Scar, he says a simple, “Goodbye.”

Scar turns away as Etho and Grian head down the sandy mountain. “Did that really just happen?” Grian says numbly. “Did I really just abandon Scar?”

“You did,” says Etho warmly, putting his arm over Grian’s shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

Grian takes a deep breath. It’s the same air, but somehow, it tastes fresher. “Good, I think. You?”

Etho smiles as he feels Pineapple rub her head against his cheek. For the first time, he hasn’t let Scar get away with taking something he cares about. It feels great.

“Never better.”

#3rdlifesmp #3rd life smp #goodtimeswithscar #grian #etho #ethoslab #vaunna’s requests

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all-my-love-for-harry · 4 years ago

Text

Delicate. — Part 1.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: Here we are fam, i gotta be honest with y’all, this is heavily inspired in the fact that i watched Miss Americana twice this month, what resulted in me going through my taylor swfit phase again. Pls bare with me, i haven’t written anything like this before.

catch up here!

They said artists become what they are because deep down they are as insecure if not more than normal people. Because they craved constant validation in what they do.

At least it was the case for Y/n.

A girl who has built an entire system around being accepted by the public, someone who their major source of happiness is provided by strangers all around the world. When you are living from the approval of strangers and that is where you drive all your joy and fulfillment, one bad thing can cause everything to go down. Y/n has spent her whole life trying to please the world so they would like her, so what she has achieved over the years would last.

When the world turned their back on her, Y/n had no choice but to disappear, because she thought that was what everyone wanted. Even then, she made her choices around what she thought would make them happy.

Y/n knew she could not hide forever, but for now, it was a necessary evil she had to take. Deciding to take a break from everything was the healthiest decision she has ever made, shutting down her social media, getting out of the city and going back home with her family was exactly what she needed.

"Mom was sad she couldn't pick you up from the airport."

Seventeen-year-old Jensen, whose driving license was still new and fresh, was the one who picked Y/n up when her flight landed. In complete honesty, she did not like using a private plane, but she could not risk someone seeing where she was going. Jensen was good at driving, well, he has not crashed into a tree yet, so they were safe.

"She would've brought Chase and scare Pandora and Lizzie."

Jensen chuckled. "She's obsessed with him. I haven't started college yet and she's already thinking about turning my room into Chase's."

Her parents’ house was a gated property away from others since it was safer that way. Y/n would not stay there the whole time since she had her own apartment a little closer to town. Her luggage, as well as her cats, were picked up separately and taken to her home, she would go there after lunch with her family. Jensen parked next to a black range rover that belonged to their dad, meaning both of their parents were home.

Y/n threw her backpack over her shoulder as she stepped out of the car, eager to finally reunite with her family, especially her mother. She is in desperate need of a tight hug, a mug of hot chocolate and a shoulder to cry on. Y/n did not realize how mentally drained she was until she saw her mother open the front door.

"My baby!" Louise exclaimed, embracing her daughter in a tight hug. "How was the flight?"

"It was fine. I'm starving though."

They walked into the living room and Louise closed the door behind them. Y/n dropped her backpack on one of the couches and sighed in relief. “Where’s dad?” Jensen went straight to the kitchen and opened the fridge.

“Get the white wine.” Y/n told him.

“It’s too early to drink that.” Louise took the bottle from Jensen’s hands and put it back in the fridge. “Dad’s outside. We bought some roses that will look beautiful by the pool.”

“You’re buying a lot of plants lately.” Y/n pointed a big vase full of daisies, her mom’s favorites, on the kitchen’s island.

“I like supporting local business.” She shrugged.

“That and she’s obsessed with the owner of the flower shop.” Jensen chuckled, cracking open a water bottle.

“Hey! That’s not true.”

“Mom, you there like… every day. Who needs new flowers every day?”

“Shush.” The elder woman faked offense then gigged. “Handsome young man, he is. I’ll take you tomorrow.” She turned to Y/n.

“Oh, no, mom. I’m going to lock myself in my apartment and try to write.” She said, making Louise scoff. “I’m serious!”

“I know you are. But living like a hermit is not going to do you any good.”

“I agree, sis.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, knowing they were right as always but did not want to admit it. The truth was, she wanted to write some songs, so badly, but could not find the right words. She was hoping to get some peace and quiet to get her ideas and emotions in order again. Before any of them could say anything else, David entered the kitchen while taking off his gardening gloves and smiled widely when he spotted Y/n.

“And who do we have here?”

“Hi, dad.” Y/n smiled at him brightly before wrapping her arms around her dad, who hugged her back just as tight.

“Good to have you home, darling.”

The family of four sat on the kitchen island and started to catch up. Jensen talked about his different college options and how he was considering getting a summer job this year. Louise kept talking about how nice the owner of this flower shop was, making emphasis on how he was also single. Y/n didn’t know what she was trying to do, but she didn’t pay much attention either.

Overall it was nice for Y/n to get out of her head for a little bit, and her family was always a great help for that. She knew she still had a lot to deal with, and she would probably get a call from her publicist and a lot of other people soon, but for now, she just wanted to think about anything else that wasn't the whole world hating on her.

"How are you doing, Y/n? Be honest." Her mom asked after they stayed alone in the kitchen.

"Been better." She sighed. "I don't want to think about it, mom."

"You have to talk to someone, sweetie. I know your team cares for you and is trying to handle the situation, but you can still talk to me."

"I know, thank you. I'm just trying to figure it what I'm going to do."

Louise sighed. "You sure you don't want to stay here? You have your room and everything."

"Thanks for the offer, mom. But I sort of want to be on my own." She said. "But I'll come for lunch every day, I promise."

Although Louise wasn't convinced by her daughter's words, she chose to not push it. She knew Y/n had her own ways to express her feelings, and she'd talk whenever she felt like it. So she let her go, making her promise she'd come to visit soon.

"Do you need a ride? I'm going to town anyway." Jensen offered, taking the keys of his car from the little plate they kept on the table beside the front door.

"Yes, please."

The drive to her apartment wasn't a long one, and in less than ten minutes she was opening her front door and being greeted by her two beautiful cats rubbing themselves on her legs. Y/n sighed, thinking about how much she needed to unpack now that she was here. The truth was, she didn't know for how long she'd be staying here, but she figured it'd be a long time so she packed a lot. Now she kind of regretted it because she would probably be in her pajamas all day anyway.

After cleaning Pandora and Lizzie's sandbox, Y/n decided to grab an acoustic guitar and try to come up with some melodies. She wasn't quite sure about any lyrics yet, but it was always good to have a little something to start a song.

She went from playing the guitar to play the piano, hoping she'd get more inspirations somewhere. But she had nothing. Not even one decent note. She was empty.

"Don't pretend is... mhmm. Think about the... No." She groaned and slammed the palm of her hands on the keyboard, growing frustrated. Why all of a sudden she couldn't even rhyme? Maybe she needed a break, or perhaps she was tired from her flight and tomorrow she'd be able to write something.

Turns out her writer's block was here to stay. A week has passed since her arrival and Y/n hasn't been able to finish one single song. Everything she started ended up being erased or in the middle of her living room after the ripped the page off her journal.

"I told you, you shouldn't hurry. Inspiration will come eventually, it always does."

"I guess. I just have nothing else to do other than play scrabble with you and write songs, or at least try to."

"Let me take out then." Louise started and Y/n shakes her head. "C'mon, let's eat somewhere or buy groceries and I'll cock at your place." Y/n looked at her mom and realized she wouldn't stop until she accepted, so Y/n offered Louise a nod. "Marvelous. There's this little café that I absolutely love. You'll love the owner."

"What is it with you and the owners of local shops?"

"They're my friends. Oh! We could drop by Blossom House. You could use some flowers around your house so it would look like somebody actually lives there."

"Stop dragging me, woman."

Louise drove them to this café called Furry Cakes, which turned out to be a cat café. Y/n obviously lost it as soon as they walked in, and nearly cried when she saw all the kittens, and absolutely shed a tear when the girl behind the register said every kitty except for one named Chaster was up for adoption. She felt like a little girl all over again when her mom told her she couldn't take every single kitty home.

Y/n was wearing a hoodie that was twice her size, plus some big sunglasses she refused to take off, even inside of the café. She was praying she wouldn't get recognized as she knew people were dying for a picture of her, see how she was after the entire world canceled her.

"We'll leave the car parked here, the flower shop is just around the corner." Louise pulled from Y/n's hand to make her walk faster. There weren't a lot of people on the streets and she was grateful for that, she hasn't gotten a proper walk in what felt like ages.

They stopped outside a modern-looking building with a big, bright sign that read 'The Blossom House'. It was simple yet cute. The pair stepped in and a little bell ringed. Y/n looked around, admiring how everything looked like it was straight out of a fairytale. There were little pots hanging from the ceiling and she looked up, she saw the ceiling was pure glass, which made the whole place brighter. Flowers weren't really her thing as she could barely keep them alive, but seeing this amount of flowers all in the same place... made her somewhat happy and warm inside.

She was so deep in thought she didn't even realize her mom left her and was nowhere to be found. It doesn't look like it from outside, but the shop was actually big and very spacious. It was also empty right now, not even an employee was around, so she decided to have a look on her own. It looked like they had all kinds of flowers in here, which made her even more excited because that meant they had-

"Azaleas? They're also my favorites." A deep voice interrupted her thoughts. She jumped on her place as she wasn't expecting it, which made the person behind her chuckle. "I didn't mean to scare you, sorry."

"It's okay..." She turned around and it was fair to say that was she saw stunned her right away.

In front of her, a gorgeous looking man was standing there with a bright smile on his face. She noticed the two dimples poking at each side of his face, making his smile even more beautiful. His emerald green eyes were the greenest eyes she has ever seen in her life, she believed. He had crinkles by his eyes due to his smile being wide. But to her, the icing of the cake was the beautiful mop of chocolate curls he had on the top of his head. She suddenly felt the insane urge to run her hands through it just to see if they were as soft as they looked.

"Harry, darling!" Louise appeared out of nowhere and wrapped her arms around the man, who only chuckled while reciprocating the greeting.

"Hello, Louise. What's it gonna be today? Tulips? More daisies?" Oh God, he's British. Y/n thought to herself.

"Gosh, you know me so well. I'm actually here just to look around, I see you found my daughter though." She smirked.

"I surely did. I'm Harry, nice to meet you, love." He offered her a hand for her to shake.

Y/n was a little surprised by the pet name but took his hand nonetheless. "I'm Y/n, nice to meet you too."

"I want her to get some plants for her house." Louise spoke again.

"Well, you're in the right place then." He said. "Do you want them for your garden?"

"No, uhm... I don't have one. I live in an apartment."

"Personally, my favorite to keep indoors are Begonias." Harry guided the two women to a different section of the flower shop and pointed to some pretty ones in pink color. "But I also enjoy Daylilies, although they're a little harder to maintain."

"Yeah, maybe not those then. I'm not very good at keeping plants alive."

"She killed a cactus once." Louise mentioned.

"No way."

"I didn't know they'd drown if I watered them more than once a week!" Y/n defended herself.

"Amateur mistake." He joked.

The truth was Y/n was too busy to have a garden, she was always traveling and didn't stay too long in one place so even if she tries to have one, it'd be dead by the end of the month.

"What plants are cat friendly? I have two at home."

"Bromeliads are cat friendly, they're easy to maintain too."

They looked around for a little bit. Harry said a fun fact about every type of flower Y/n pointed out, never failing to make her laugh. The funny thing was, it didn't look like Harry knew who she was. Either he hasn't recognized her, or he didn't know about her. Which by the way, not to be a narcissist, would be highly unlikely.

She ended up taking a couple of new plants home, starting to grow excited about them. It was true, her apartment could use a little more life to it, and now she was sure her new plants would do that for her. Harry was wrapping everything for them while he stood behind the counter.

"Oh, here. This one's on the house." Harry handed her a pot with some beautiful blue Azaleas. She took them with a growing blush on her face, a blush that went deeper when their hands brushed with each other. "Try to not kill them though." He teased.

Y/n rolled her eyes as her mom chuckled behind her. "I'll report their aliveness back to you, you'll see."

"You better. Have a nice day, ladies. I'm guessing I'll see you around, Y/n?"

"Sure, I'm uh... I'm living here right now."

Harry smiled at them one last time before they exited the shop. After the door closed behind them, Louise turned to Y/n. "He likes you."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"What do you say if we invite him for dinner sometime?"

"Like, at your house?" She asked surprised.

"Yeah, why not?"

"I have to keep a low profile, mother. For all I know he could be tweeting about I just exited his shop."

"Don't let the paranoia ruin the possibility of forming new friendships... or more." Louise sent her a wink.

"Okay, that's enough."

Y/n brushed her off, trying not to think much about it. A new friendship sounded impossible at this point of her life, let alone pursuing a new relationship with someone. She had made up her mind, she was better off being alone.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles one shot #harry styles one shots #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles series #harry styles blurb #harry styles blurbs #harry styles au #harry styles fluff #harry styles fluffy imagine #harry styles fluff fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #florist!harry styles

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21u004 · 3 years ago

Text

fools / gojo satoru / april 9th, 2021

“what do you—what do you mean by that?” satoru asks you, hoping that he didn’t hear you right.

by now, his head is empty and all he’s thinking about is your words, silently praying that if he did hear you correctly, you’ll smile right after, laugh, give him a hug and an apology with how you’re just kidding.

but with the way you look at him, it’s slowly starting to feel real.

(it is real.)

he’s slowly starting to get convinced you’re serious, and he despises it.

(he won’t accept it.)

(he doesn’t want to.)

(he has to.)

“satoru,” you call, hands in cold sweat folded on your torso, trying to stop yourself from shaking and breaking in front of him. “you know what i mean,” you say, in an as a matter of fact tone.

he does nothing but shake his head. at an attempt of comforting himself, he assumes that he’s just really tired and a little dizzy that he’s beginning to mix up your words. it’s late at night after all. he knows it’s pathetic of him, but he does it anyway.

you really can’t be serious about this, he thinks to himself.

“hey, hey, all of this is—” he stutters, shaking as he steps closer to you. “—all of this isn’t real, right? you’re just trying to get back at me for all the time i’ve teased you, aren’t you?”

he forces a smile, but it’s quick to go away when he sees nothing but honest eyes.

satoru thinks you look wonderful even if you’re tired. your face, illuminated by the white light above you, the bags under your eyes obvious.

(yeah, you’re still stunning.)

the warmth in your eyes are gone when he looks in them. looking at you makes him feel chilly. it’s probably the lighting. hopefully.

hopefully it is, because he doesn’t want to look at you and hurt.

with the way your eyes blink slowly, he’s sure you want to sleep. still, he doesn’t ask you to rest and talk this with you tomorrow because he knows you won’t let him. it was now or never.

nothing’s changed in him, and the same goes for you. you’re both the same people as you were years before, still running away from reality.

“we don’t have to make this any harder for us,” it’s hard trying to keep your hands to yourself with the way he’s so close to you, tightly gripping your arms, kiss his lids, the gloss in his eyes tempting you to take his face in your hands, and wipe them away like every other time he’s had too much on his shoulder that he breaks down and bursts in front of you.

“why?” he frowns, because the least you could do was tell him why you’ve come to this decision, so that he can be better for you.

he can try to be for the next time you’re back.

(if you will ever be back.)

he pleads, because he doesn’t want to lose you.

he can lose anything but you.

unable to look at him in the eye when all you see is them shining under the cold light of the lamp nearby, and not in a good way like four years ago, you close your eyes.

(it’s been so long.)

but even if you do, there’s no denying that the reality still lies in front of you, and that you have to deal with it. there’s no running away this time. it’s what led to this in the first place.

you coudn’t lie to him, and even if you could, that’d be too cruel for either of you. it’ll just end up on your list of things that keep you awake at night, and probably his too.

“we’re getting nowhere, satoru,” you sigh gloomily.

satoru’s always been one to fix problems fast, but that’s only with his job. there’s so much he’s confronted already, but he always finds himself hiding from and ignoring the ones with you.

it scares him—facing them—because his thoughts consume him and tell him that it’d lead to this. unfortunately, the other happens instead.

again, he feels pathetic.

“i’m asking you, what does that mean? do you—do you want to go somewhere? maybe you want to—”

“i want someone to grow with.”

his brows crease, eyes narrowing at you. “am i not someone you want to grow with?”

“satoru, no, that’s not what i meant,” you wince at his misunderstanding, “i just—i want to, you know. i want it to be you. so bad. but it’s not—we’re still in the same place we were back then.

"you’re still a child, and so am i. everyone’s moving on and we’re still at square one because—”

“who cares if we’re still at the start? this isn’t a race!” he retaliates, every single word carrying his frustrations he’s tried so hard not to burden you with.

“we can’t act like kids forever! we’re adults! you’re still in denial, and so am i!” you retort, having had enough of him. “we’re not improving or growing up!”

“so what if we’re not?” he fumed, flailing his hands in the air. “let them hate us! let them love us! who cares what they say? we have each other, don’t we?”

clenching your fist, it takes a whole lot of self-restraint not to punch his guts with how his words come out mindlessly. “‘we have each other’? are you hearing yourself? you’re not even here when i need you! but i am when you need me!

"and this isn’t about anyone else, so quit trying to drag other people into this! it’s not about a matter of being loved or hated, it’s about us actually getting somewhere and becoming better people!”

he scoffs, “oh, quit it with that righteousness stuff! it makes me sick! and you know why i’m not here when you need me? because i’m busy and you don’t even bother to tell me how you’re feeling! you make it like it’s some guessing game!”

“busy? made you guess?” you ask, incredulous. “you never paid attention to me in the first place! i’ve always reached out to you, but you’re always in your own world, arrogant and full of pride and forget that i’m even here! you don’t even ask about me at all either!”

“oh, so i’m arrogant and full of pride?” he points to himself in disbelief. “i never ask about how you feel? you don’t even tell me when i do ask! what’s the point of trying if there’s nothing i gain from it!”

“you’re unbelievable! and you– you– this is, this is what i mean! we’re still acting like children—you’re acting like a child!” you cry out, your throat feeling sore and scratchy from the yelling.

“there’s so much,” you take pauses in between your words, letting yourself breathe. “there’s so much more to us than what we are now, but we’re still the same because—” you stop midsentence, hesitant to say the words since it contains the truth and you two have always run away from that.

“because what?” his voice is much gentler and softer now, mellow and calm.

you swallow the lump in your throat. “because we’re scared.”

when he opens his mouth to talk, you’re already shaking your head no, exhausted and panting, despite being unaware of what he wants to ask before he even gets to make up his mind to find the right words for his questions and sentences.

don’t let him say anything.

just let him stay quiet and keep the peace.

maybe then you could both pretend that nothing’s happening. that there’s no problem at all.

so he lets the room wallow in silence.

he wraps both his arms around you, and rests his head on your chest.

your heartbeat rings his ear, and it’s still racing.

he feels his tears soak up your clothes before he even knows he’s sobbing.

satoru was insufferable himself, and so was seeing him cry. as a try at comforting him, your fingers run through his hair gently.

he’s always found it relaxing whenever you do that; it lulls him to sleep whenever he comes home restless, reminding him of the times you stayed awake until past midnight for him, telling him that there was good in this relationship.

but right now, it doesn’t help him calm down. he presses his face harder into your shoulder to muffle his cries yet they still resonate vaguely in the room, while a hand of his holds yours on his hair, steady and begging you not to remove it.

nothing about this was calming; the silence was only letting the tension build up, the stillness of the room stood as a reminder that there was no life to it already, and even more so by tomorrow.

the more that he thought of it—of how this was going to be the last time you’re ever going to do this—the more he feels himself going insane.

the night feels colder the deeper it gets, and you can’t let go even if you desperately want to.

it was presumably just the air conditioning. nonetheless, satoru doesn’t even feel warm to you at all. he doesn’t bring you the same relief as the beginning of this relationship of climactic events because satoru’s always been one to be big about things.

the sky in his eyes rain, pouring harder by the minute, pooling at your clothes and flooding on the floor.

if you stay longer, then you’re more likely to be convinced that you’ll be okay even if you’re going to be staying at the same place, regardless of how you’re conscious of the regret it’ll bring later. that as long as satoru’s here, then you’ll be okay, but you can’t be dependent on him.

how were you going to be, when even just a glimpse of him already feels so heavy?

“let go, please,” you whisper, only to feel his arms around you tighten. “gojo, let go of me.”

satoru has no idea how much damage he’s done until his name leaves your lips. what’s done is done, and no amount of regret will take it back.

he pauses, eyes widening at you, only to have them close again and shed even more tears.

“please, stay.”

he doesn’t care how desperate he seems, because he just doesn’t want to lose you.

he can lose anything but you.

but alas, your choices go against his wants, and he can’t always have what he wants.

it doesn’t seem like it to satoru, but he’s just as dependent on you as you were on him, and hopefully he learns that later on as you did yet kept to yourself way too long ago.

so he does as you say, because he’s doing what he wasn’t supposed to do: pull you back.

he caves in and presses your lips against him one last time, passionless and salty, a short sincere apology and wish that you find each other again.

the next day, he wakes up alone with sore eyes, a text on his phone.

geto suguru

how was the proposal?

#unedited #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk angst #gojo satoru x reader

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rosyk · 4 years ago

Text

Deja vu

pairing: bang chan x reader, (a bit of han jisung x reader)

genre: heavy angst, passion, romance, one-sided love, bestfriends, long distance relationship

warnings: light curses, death, depression, mentions of alcohol and drugs, family problems, mentions of forced sexual activity, insecurities, anxiety, etc. (Its quite detailed in the first part and could trigger some people in these type and if you are one of them, I advice you not to read. It can really be uncomfortable on the first part)

word count: 11.5k

inspiration: Before We Knew It ch. 36-38 (webtoon), White Flowers- Olivia Rodrigo (unreleased song)

a/n: This is the least fic I loved but I had to continue it to start a new one and i won’t ever write things as long as this (it’s hard) lol. I don’t know who’ll ever read this long and cringey story but I hope it’s worth your time (?)

If I were to describe a man I’d love to marry someday, it would be someone tall, doesn’t openly show their true feelings towards me, and leads me in life. However, you were the exact opposite of it.

I didn’t even know when and why I fell in love with you. Was it at first sight? No. Was it because someone told me about my indistinguishable feelings for you? No. It was like how love was portrayed in novels and books. I just knew it. Instead of leading my life, you made me, myself, want to lead and search for my future. After you happily talked about your passion for music, you made me feel as if you were the right one. It made me think, “Maybe I do want to be with him until the end of life”. I believe something great would occur and I want to be there when that happens. When the music he produces, raps he created, genres he invented, and when his voice reaches the world, I want to be on his side and be proud I was able to witness all of that. You were everything in times I was the “nothing”.

I truly wished to be a singer right from the start. My dream was unaccepted by my family because the job isn’t as stable as it seems. I had to study medicine since then. Therefore seeing you was like seeing how I could’ve been. I stopped my passion but you made me pursue the unpursued, break off the imaginary limits I had created in my mind. I developed a fear of having to try again. I never sang after years and tried to let go of my past. But you? You lifted me away from the cage of darkness I trapped myself in. My anxiety was too deep to the point I was afraid of people, nightmares, thoughts, happiness, living, being alone, home, and simply just everything.

Even I was scared of myself.

Then I knew this is the worst a person could be. It isn’t when someone takes drugs, drinks alcohol, or flees away from home. It is when he or she no longer wants to take a step forward. I was frightened by the idea of love but also the idea of being alone. I was terrified to open up when the people closest to me never understood but was scared when I keep everything to myself too much up until I’m tired. I feared death the most, how much more if I was living? I remember cutting myself in bed when I overheard my parents fighting because of my presence. I was shaking, desperately trying to suppress my weeping. Was I sad because I didn’t have good childhood memories I could reminisce? Or was I happy for myself because that was the bravest thing I did? I was too young to understand what I truly felt but I didn’t regret a single thing.

I know the difference between wrong and right but why can’t I tell when it comes to situations that involve me? Is it wrong to think it would’ve been best if I was sleeping forever, in a depth of endless time even though I know I should live for a purpose I couldn’t find or for people who don’t care? But is it also right to live and hope miserably someone out there would find and help me even though it means staying and coping with the pain? Whenever I make a decision, I could hear trapped voices rambling in my head, time ticking as fast as my heartbeat, my soul pressuring me, and my mind that creates negative scenarios which cause me to step back before even having the chance to run. In general, I’ve had to overthink my overthinking.

I also have the habit of blaming myself. As deeper as it goes, it became my lifestyle then. I blamed myself for playing the victim as if I was the only one hurting amidst the world. I blamed myself for crying when I had no right because I gave people terrible occurrences. I blamed myself for the inability to be brave and commit what I feared the most. I also blamed myself for silently not crying loud enough to the point that my facade turned out stronger.

Looking back, I was a total mess in which I couldn’t even call myself human. My only best friends were the mirror and my own shadow. I was 10 so I appreciated how the mirror felt the same feelings as mine. It doesn’t laugh when I cry even though the creatures surrounding me do. But for the same reason, I hated it. It reflects my despair, how horrible I looked causing me to despise it the most. My shadow on the other hand makes me feel I’m not alone at the end of the day. But I also despised it the moment my mom locked me up in my room, isolating me in darkness to forget all the traumas I had given her. Because even the shadow disappears in my darkest hours. And just like friends, it all just ended. I no longer want to feel love if love was meant to hurt.

Years of living in hell passed by, until you came.

“You okay?”

I was crying at the staircase in the nearest tunnel found at school. I was a 16-year-old who tried to break away from my dad’s drunken behavior. Running away was another brave thing I did but it was because the thought of him doing me was scary enough.

It was embarrassing to let you see me like this but surprise was the first reaction I had. No one ever dared to approach me because of my low status and the suspicious silence that I give. Questions filled my head as to why you bothered talking to me. Were the rumors unbelievable enough?

“I am new here but I haven’t seen you a lot in school. Are you the same as I am?”

So he’s a transferee. Honestly speaking, I was discouraged. It’s clear that he would slowly stop approaching me as soon as he knew the rumors. You introduced yourself and asked for my name. I gave you a silent treatment causing you to face my direction. We stared at each other for minutes. You finally gave up and sat beside me as I turned my gaze back at the people playing in the park, sighing heavily.

“Would you like to hear my life?” You look at me, expecting something. I turned back at you, both eyebrows raised. You showed your smile, with those little cute dimples on each side to get away from the awkward atmosphere. Trust me when I tell you that was the brightest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life. Maybe you did show me the colors I didn’t know I needed in my life.

“Oh… I guess you don’t then? I mean why would you be interested right?” You laughed yourself off but as usual, expected some remarks from me. My eyes panicked as I shook my head quickly from side to side. My eyebrows creased as I bit my lip, hoping you understood what I meant.

“So you do want to hear it?” I shook my head up and down as an approval of your question. Unnoticeably, it was the first time I felt eager especially when it comes to humans.

“Isn’t it annoying though?” I got the hint you wanted to tease me considering your giggles but I was too caught up in assumptions that you wouldn’t continue your storytelling. Thus, I did the same thing, turning my head from side to side, trying to convince you that I desperately want to know what happens in the lives of some.

“Cute” you mumbled to yourself but I was able to hear the word that came out from you. You patted my head casually as you started to talk about your life. I grew slightly embarrassed, curling myself, holding my knees, and acted as if I didn’t hear anything.

You were transparently open in talking to the point that I finally knew what “precious” actually meant. Although it was for a moment I knew it would stop soon, you definitely saved me from all I felt.

There I knew how our lives were exact opposites. If I felt everything, the happiness, and sadness, contrasting feelings I couldn’t comprehend, you on the other hand felt nothing. As soon as your dearest brother got into an accident, you didn’t know what to do. If I had abusive and malicious parents, you had no one to be with. I couldn’t even imagine what would happen If I lived your life.

I knew I was bad for thinking of such a way but I took advantage of your life. It made me feel relieved that there were people who faced the worst monsters than I have inside me. It made me look at the positive side of mines.

Much especially when I didn’t expect it would be you. My first impression of you was this carefree pure guy who had no problems in living his life. Little did I know, you were waking up feeling nothing, smiling with no joy, cries without letting out the pain, and laughs despite the numbness and burden that weighs in your heart. I guess we can’t judge people by the way they appear. We never know how much tears they’ve shed every night.

You summarized and wrapped things up. You asked for my name one last time before leaving. But there I was, hung my head low and sniffles could be heard. You looked in confusion as I tried to cover my face. A surprise was evident in your reaction and it was obvious due to your stuttering. You tried to ask what happened but instead hugged me unconsciously.

That was the first time I’ve ever felt warmth. I was born a mistake so even my parents couldn’t give me this kind of comfort. I cried worse as I had thought of it. The idea of a stranger giving me a better meaning of how home felt like than a family does, who wouldn’t tear up after that?

I don’t want to be ahead of time. But hope filled my mind. Maybe I could find more people like him. Maybe someone out there could notice my emotions. Maybe someone could act as my light. Maybe someone does care about my wellbeing. Out of a huge percentage of people living on Earth, there should be one who could at least meet and save me right? I know I settled in all “maybes” but it was much better than having none.

Recalling the series of events, I was a total problem. Yet you were always there for me no matter how heavy of a burden I am. You were the one who believed in me when I couldn’t, picked me up when I was drowning in a wave of traumas and worries, and lightened my deep void. You were my first and swore you’ll be my last, who broke my past and created my unknown beginning. I hated risks but whenever you are involved, I for sure know it is worth it no matter how many needles it may pain me. It had been years before noticing how much you mean to me I may be late, but would never get tired of this. I will listen and enjoy our memories until the end. You will, for eternal love, be my last song in my only playlist.

Although it’s true we never believed in love since the beginning. But all we do know is that we’d like to spend our whole lives together. It’s as if we were bound by the heavens to meet and help one another. With all that’s happening, I would like to assume that this is love people were talking about. Who knew it could be this powerful to change someone?

[CHAN’S POV]

And what happened to the “messy innocent girl who was stained by reality?” She became an unrecognizable teen, as pure as ever. In the past, I wasn’t able to feel the emotions most do but look at me now, smiling every time I see you do. Even though I’ve never felt heavy feelings, these light ones are taking a toll on me whenever you call my name.

We had arguments but never had any misunderstandings. This is all because no matter what I say, you are always by my side. I could tell you day by day how much you mean the world to me, my downfalls, and everything unnecessary but you’d still listen to it with no regrets.

Right now, we’re meeting up for a “little date” as you mentioned. I was going to decline because there had been many requirements in class but you seemed too interested that I didn’t want to break it to you.

I was wearing my usual hoodie sweater with baggy pants and ordered for both of us. After all, you would always choose chocolate whipped shakes over anything. You seemed to take too long so I decided to work on some demands given. I turned on my laptop and opened the application as I placed the headphones on my ear, silencing the noise in my surroundings.

Now all I can hear is my heartbeat pounding and swallowing as my throat started to dry. The loading symbol appeared on my screen and I hoped it would stay like that forever. I hoped it would crash and tried to find more excuses for me not to use it.

I was consistently looking at the time shown on the panel below the main screen. The blue circular sign still turns and turns as I see it from my peripheral vision. 3:31, 3:32, 3:33, the minutes kept moving and hands that are now shaking because I assumed this would be the worst nightmare that could happen. But no, cause “worst nightmare” is an understatement when we are referring to this. It would’ve been better as a nightmare because I could wake up from this traumatic moment. I was focused on my screen that I hadn’t noticed the calling in my front.

“Channie?... Chris?.... Christopher?... Mr.Bang Chan?.. Chan!”

[Y/N’S POV]

He finally noticed me as soon as I tapped on his shoulders. He flinched and looked at me in horror. It creeped me out but it took seconds before he could pull his eyes away from mine. He bit his lips and I noticed him covering his hands. The staff called out a number which I believe was from our table considering the way he closed his laptop.

“I’m getting that” You forced a little smile as you made way to the counter

I smiled at the thought of our “date” but seeing you sweating and nervously fidgeting your fingers to avoid them from shaking bothers me. Did something happen before you came? Why was he that nervous? Thoughts bombarded my mind, but you coming back with my favorite drink and snacks, looking all-smiley, tells me as if you noticed my discomfort so you tried cheering me up. You sat down in front of me and got rid of your problems. As usual, this guy notices even the littlest gestures I make.

“Did you wait too long?” I asked you with enthusiasm because our little date has now started. The idea non-stop makes my whole day

“No, I just arrived before you did.” You respond with a genuine smile despite the clear lie you just gave. You stroked my hair as you looked at me lovingly

“Oh, I just passed by that bakery we talked about a year ago…..” I started chatting about our fond memories that remain vivid in my head.

It took several hours of talking and enjoying our time together. We also watched that Philippine movie starring two exes who broke up and lived in one house, but being an emotional wreck, it took 30 mins of you trying to comfort me as I cry ugly. Of course, you didn’t miss an opportunity to laugh at me and even took a video. Teasing me and showing my picture as your wallpaper, made me playfully angry.

We also enjoyed visiting the same tunnel where we met. The nostalgia is present. The moon is shining and I can’t help but smile looking at you.

[CHANS POV]

You look beautiful under the moon if I must say. I wanted to show the magnificent view because it reminds me of you whenever I see it up above. You were my only light when my days in the past were too dark.

We continued strolling around, counting the streetlights that passed by and talked about a lot of things. Until you decided to speak up-

“About…. the thing that happened earlier?” You looked up to me, but your eyes soon started moving away from mines. You were held on with the anxiety of trying to speak up whenever it had come to my personal life. I don’t know whether it was the trauma you’ve stumbled upon when you asked about my father or it’s just due to your manners. Nonetheless, if it was indeed your trauma, I’ve felt guilty about it and wanted to reassure you I won’t hurt you ever again. “But if you don’t want to talk about it-“ I cut your sentence off.

“My father was a musician..” your eyes shined with glee in my response

“That’s cool!” You exclaimed but it soon faded into a frown after hearing me sigh. Tilting your head, you tried to calculate everything that’s wrong with it. I nervously fidgeted with my hands and knuckles, contemplating a decision that could change and even affect both of us.

“Everything’s wrong... He was into it, music took his mindset and life” I faced my head sideways and gulped without looking at your eye. The trauma, I’m finally telling my pent-up feelings after a lifetime keeping it to myself.

“He was so into composing music and started to forget about the reason he had started to do it. And by that-“ you cut off my sentence and started to nod a few times, pressing your lips together. You pointed your shaky finger at me and spoke softly.

“I think I know where this is going.” You looked at me in disbelief but all I could do is look at you with concern and guilt, asking for forgiveness. “Is this why you didn’t want to love again even after all these years?” Your eyes that shined stars a moment ago, turned into sun at night. It wasn’t raging darkness, but plain agony.

“Can you blame me? I know I love music, I’ve told you that on repeat for years. Is love what I need when that was the cause of everything?”

You didn’t take one glance at me and started walking faster. You were trying to leave me behind but I was quick to grab your hand.

“Please, let’s not act like this. It’s starting to get..” I was trying to think of a less harsh word because things get complicated day by day. And here I thought this date would be an exception. “Childish. Okay? I don’t get why you’re so out of place and it’s like-“

“So now I’m the one getting childish here?” You turned around and faced me, finally. Though it wasn’t any relieving as I expected. You were having tears stuck in your eyes, ready to fall at anytime yet you don’t want to cry in front of me. Are we going to keep this up? I was about to talk but no words came out of me. Until you decided to continue your sentence.

“You knew about this all the time, right? You knew how I was starting to fall for you and yet you continued our relationship without feeling love?” You bit your lips as your eyebrows creased. Trying to push me away, but all I could do was hold you tighter. “I know how trauma feels like. I’ve been there, we’ve been there. But you could’ve told me sooner at least so I’m not the only one looking like a whole fucking fool here, Christopher.” You tried to get away from my hold and yes, you did. Though as I tried to grab your hand once again, you took a step backward and placed your hands up in the air as a sign of surrender. “Call me sensitive but for God’s sake! How could you get me all wrapped up in your finger for the past years and call it something that isn’t attachment nor love? What was I to you then?” It took seconds for me to get the gist of what you’re trying to say and I did understand but I couldn’t answer that simple question.

Because now that I think of it, was I awful to hesitate who you were in my life? Was those years nothing for me then? I want to protect you until the end and I wanted to see you happy but I’m pretty sure I felt this for some of my friends as well. Did I just get into a relationship whilst thinking of my significant other as a friend? Is it called using someone? Taking advantage to make my life better? I know what’s right and what’s wrong. But I don’t know which is which. Getting into a relationship is a risky choice and I don’t want to hurt anybody in between. Because I know that’s what’s wrong. Using others for my need of affection and love is wrong as well. But is this exactly what I’m doing? I don’t know...As things grow, it just gets complicated to the point that I couldn’t even comprehend situations.

“I thought so” you continued, and those words crushed my heart. I didn’t notice the time we’ve been arguing, though technically it’s just you who was able to speak, that we’ve already reached your house. You opened the tiny gate in front of your house and I know what’s going to happen sooner later.

“Maybe, you need time to think about it alright? I don’t think I can keep up with a relationship like this if it’s too one-sided. But don’t worry I’ll wait. Even though what I want may not come,” you chuckled but the sigh was still evident. “I’ll wait for you.” You smiled, but it isn’t the one you’ve always shown me. I was the reason for your happiness but also the reason for your pain. How tragic must have been that sound.

You went your way to the door and closed it. I knew you were crying as I heard little sniffles but never looked my way. Closing the door, that was the last time I had ever seen you. With no goodbye kisses and hugs, you left feeling the ache you didn’t deserve.

[YOUR POV]

It was supposed to be “taking a break”, but considering this, I should’ve accepted it as a break-up. You never took time texting me after the whole 4 months. I guess I was no one in your life. But even though I was still hurt, I regretted spatting out things as if it was your fault. You always get guilty over things and I know it was all just because you had a hard time reciprocating your feelings because of the lack of love you’ve felt. I should’ve understood that part but being the sensitive me, I was unmindful. I’ve also never seen you walk past the corridors nowadays, so it’s basically been also the same 4 months of actually not seeing you as well. You really bothered trying to get out of my life.

I groaned as I sat up in the bed. It was around 8:30 and I’m like 1 hour and 30 mins late? Not that I’m bothered by it since I’ve gotten used to it. It’s not like our teacher is there by the time I arrive.

-SCHOOL-

“Outside, now” was the first and last thing I’ve heard as I entered my classroom. And here I thought the teacher wasn’t present. Not only did I embarrass myself in front of my classmates, but I’d also have to stand holding a chair, outside the classroom for lower and higher-ups students to see. Awful, and my reputation is broken. Well, not that I had any significant reputation in the first place but come on, you know how hard it was to see students bickering while looking at you.

I heard the door click open and I hoped it was the teacher who finally would let me in. It turned out to be another classmate of mines which I thought was unnecessary. But as I looked back up and noticed his eyes, a sense of familiarity came unto me.

“Han?” My eyes widened at the sight in front of me. I’m not expecting people to be perfect but our class president was the last person I expected to be scolded by our teacher. “Weren’t you inside the classroom way before me?”

“I cursed.” The guy spoke shortly and lifted the chair just like the same punishment I’ve been doing. I blinked my eyes twice but understood nothing.

“Pardon?” I replied in a high tone as if I was questioning what he was trying to say. Cursed? Is he out of his mind, trying to curse in front of the teacher? Besides, he had always been this quiet kid, but girls still tend to simp over. The latter though is out of my knowledge.

“What did you say?” I leaned in as you jolted quite a bit. Reacting to the sudden flinch, I assumed it was bold of me to do so and it scared you. But looking straight at you, pink tints were found on the side of the cheeks. It was light and definitely cute.

“F-fuck” he faced me with eyebrows creased and hesitated in replying. It was so short and awkward whenever he’d say it or maybe it’s also due to his stuttering. The thought was so out of the place and even I, who is quite free doesn’t curse in front of the teacher for no reason so why would someone who tries to stay low, would curse? But the way you told me the “forbidden” word made me laugh out loud.

“You’re funny, Mr. class president” I replied after a silent 2 minutes and laughed while hitting him lightly. Little amounts of liquids were falling down my deep brown eyes as I tried to regain my breathing. He’s awkward and that’s what makes it funny. I like him.

I wiped off my tears and stared at you. My laughs slowly died down after seeing your confusing expression. I don’t know whether your eyes held a safe haven or a place I was indulged in and forgot about the point that everything was complicated in between. Whether staring at you was comfortable or confusing. All I know is that I was distracted by the genuine smile you gave. It was little but I knew it was a smile after seeing cute dimples on the side of your lips. Now that I think of it, I haven’t ever seen the president smile.

You noticed my pause and coughed, trying to clear out the tension. The usual demeanor was back. Was everything just an illusion then?

“Anyways, I don’t know about you but I’m gonna have to go. Don’t want stay here standing when time’s already up” you lazily said as you pressed your lips together, leaving me speechless all alone. Raising your hand, you waved back at me while walking away and didn’t even take time to look back.

That was weird. Or was I the only one weird? True, I’ve never seen him around that much but I’ve painted the guy as someone responsible considering the works he finished even after given such a small time. He was indeed open-minded but wasn’t out-spoken or friendly. Work is work and he has to make sure he aces his tests for his reputation to not tarnish even one bit, that’s all that matters to him. He was never used to smiling so he doesn’t do it as much, at least that’s what I’ve heard. I’m guessing it must be my imagination.

/LUNCHTIME/

Guess what? It’s already lunchtime and I haven’t learned a single bit of information from my teacher’s discussion. Shrugging all my homework, projects, quizzes, oral recitations, and performances that are all due this afternoon, I walked out of the classroom.

But before I did so, I found a familiar guy in my peripheral vision. Trying to confirm whether it was him, I turned and called his name out.

“Mr. president?”

The same awkward and serious guy turned around, raising his right brow. You were confused at first about who would call you with no respect, but hummed in surprise as a response.

“It’s Han for you... and for everyone” trying to continue the work you’ve been doing for our school camp which is totally several months later. What’s the rush?

“Drop the formalities! Besides, I like Mr. president way better.” I smiled and tilted my head then flipped my hair. I was a whole smug for thinking my naming sense was the best thing about me.

“Like, like?”

The same vibe always comes up whenever I’m talking to you and I don’t know why. How is it so hard to interact with smart ones? I feel like their language is different and I couldn’t even comprehend what this guy is trying to say.

“like?”

“You like mr. president. That’s what you said”

And that’s how it struck me. Looking back on everything, it seems pretty weird. (I like Mr. President way better) rings all throughout my head. I know he’s been surrounded by girls who have a crush on him but surely he doesn’t think of this as a low-key confession, right?

Please, I didn’t deserve any of this awkward tension. I did walk up to him first but blame my curiosity for wondering what he’s doing in his free time, does he always go to the library whenever, or what do the lifestyle elites like him actually have? Maybe, I did just want a friend but who knew it would be this complicated. Wrong choice.

“The names you provide for people are so dull” you faked a yawn to show how uninterested you are.

I laughed out and tried to hide the embarrassment I’ve felt inside. He meant the name of course! What was I thinking? He quickly got up and proceeded to leave the classroom as if he understood what I wanted to do. He catches up with things fast if I must say. But the feeling didn’t subside in me and I tried to cover up my face with my hands as soon as he left. Heaving a deep sigh, I reassured myself and followed him.

-CAFETERIA-

“This is all they’ve got?”

It’s been a second we’ve entered the school cafeteria and yet this elite beside me was already complaining. We sat down on the white benches and I was also relieved the cafeteria doesn’t have many students since our class ended earlier than the desired time.

“You’ll get used to it. Besides, what do you commonly eat for lunch? This is good.” I replied and waited for a response that never came back. I’m thinking it was a wall I’m talking to. You ate the soup and showed a face of disgust. Of course, I don’t give up.

“Do you have different cafeterias?” “Or do you eat in your respective rooms?” “Do you actually eat? cause you looked really busy with the requirements.” “Being a class president is that hard huh? I don’t think I’ve seen anyone as hard-working as you even if they have high titles.” “You know if I was the class-“

“Why do you ask so many questions? Geez” you swept your hair and sighed. You felt tired talking to someone as chatty as me but all I could do is playfully pout and raise both my eyebrows up. Shrugging, I respond.

“Why not?”

You glared at me but I wasn’t taken aback by it so you decided to reply, finally. “The real question is, why?” you tried to peacefully eat and finished it quickly so you could go to the library, I suppose. It was going smoothly until my small brain with low grammar or structure skills decided to pop up the least moment I wanted it to.

“Because I’m interested in you.”

Choking was all I could hear after I simply stated. Panicking, I gave you my water unknowingly and you drank it. I patted your back and stroked it gently.

“You okay?” I tried to calm you down but your face seemed to ask me whether you were okay even after everything was obvious.

“You mean you’d like to know about my lifestyle?” You analyzed my reaction as I tilted my head. I mean isn’t that clear? Your eyes seemed like you got the hang of me again and scoffed, rolling your eyes. Wow! Now, what’s up with this attitude?

“It’s common. Just some random New York steak.” My eyes widened and my ears couldn’t believe what they’re hearing. That’s common? Gosh, even my monthly allowance couldn’t afford to buy a whole steak, what more if it was specifically in New York? And the way he didn’t bother to flex about his lunchtime food and acts as if it’s unimportant.

“Enough about me, how about you?” I believe you were trying to ask for the sake of the conversation but it excites me anyway. I mean, an elite asking me about my life? It boosts my pride, internally laughing as I thought of the idea.

“What do you want to know about me?” Grinning, I eagerly waited for the question. How blessed I am to have an upper-class student to not just interact, but ask about me as well.

“What happened between you and Bang Chan?”

I’m taking it all back. I don’t want to hear any questions. I was wrong. By Bang Chan, I knew straight away he was referring to Chris. The mentioned ex became an elite, or so I heard. I don’t know how, why, or when but that’s the only reason possible for him to know there was a thing between us. But unlike me, Mr. President wants to make sure of everything and not just the rumors he had heard.

“No.” I simply stated and continued to eat.

“Why not?”

“I should be the one asking you why”

“Because I’m interested in you”

I paused and was slightly surprised by the sudden declaration. Okay, my way of telling him made me look crazy. I looked up to him and saw a pair of teasing eyes. This is who mr. president is? Now it was my time to roll my eyes and I knew at that moment I had no escape.

“Exes. We’re exes.” I expected a startled expression from you but your lips curled downwards as if you expected it. How was it hard to read this guy’s mind though he immediately catches up on everything I’m feeling?

Days passed by and as usual, I was the one annoying you. At that very time, we became close because I knew you were a comfortable place for me to be in. You don’t judge unlike what others do each time I open up my problems especially when it comes to my relationship with an elite and Christopher, out of all. For sure, you were the right choice of friend I never knew I needed to rely on.

[YOUR JOURNAL]

Just a few days passed by and I hear lots of students whispering. What’s the occasion? I don’t even know myself yet I’ve brought a ring that matches mine. I’m naive but I always trust my instincts no matter what. As I try to recall the date and puts everything together in one piece from all the clues I’ve gotten.

A familiar man appeared in my sight. But he wasn’t mr. president. He was looking at me and I continued to look at those deep brown eyes I’ve longed to see after a long time. Was I prepared? No. Did I want to see him? I’m not sure so myself. But did I actually like that view? Indeed. My very first heartbreak or hiatus came back after months and to see he felt the same way I did. Did the moment I waited for all of my life would finally happen?

Each step you take, the more my anxiety rushes through me. I felt the shivers either because I was scared or it was the tears I’ve forced to stop from rolling down my cheeks. Or simply both, ignoring the fact that I was hurt yet I did want to see you after all. I wanted to walk away, but if I did then I’m making the same mistake twice. Therefore I stood still silent and only my heartbeat is the loudest out of all.

Closing my eyes, I expected strong grips around my wrist which marks it deep red because anger was the only thing present in the space between us. I didn’t take consideration of the things you’ve gone through but instead became selfish just because I’ve moved on from the past. I did tell you I would wait for you forever but all I gave you was the pressure of making you choose decisions at times you were having a hard time. Just because you made me learn the definition of love, doesn’t mean I could anticipate that you felt the same thing.

Quite on the contrary, I’ve felt warmth and comfort. The grip was truly strong, strong enough to hurt me emotionally and not physically unlike what I expected. The grip I’ve felt was hanging around me, a hug was given to me even when I didn’t deserve this.

“I’m sorry” that was what I’ve heard in the muffled and low volume of voice the man had spoken because he was on the verge of tears. I was supposed to be the one asking for an apology, yet this guy took it to heart once again. Typical Christopher.

“I missed you. I’ve realized I can’t do things without you. It’s been hard..” Your sentence cut the uncertainty I’ve felt. It came, he came. I cried my heart out after not breathing for a second. It would finally work out, after months of trying to ask for support from other people, you entered my life once again. And better? You loved me.

It was your graduation, and I’m glad to be there just like what we dreamed it to be. You may have left, but our romance never stopped.

Cliché right? Of course, that never happens in reality. What happens, is the point that we argue every day because of the long-distance relationship that serves as an obstacle in us. We don’t even know whose mistake it is but considering you, you’ve always been the one who let your pride down and ask for forgiveness. There are times it’s also been me because I realized that this guy doesn’t deserve more burdens in his life. Support is everything I could give.

“Everything working out?” I was astounded by the call Hanji decided to initiate first. He’s always been there for me when I had it rough. He cares for me though he doesn’t show it as much.

“I don’t know. I’ve rarely been receiving texts but he made sure to call me anytime soon. We’ve both been fighting against this. Thanks by the way” You sighed after I finished my sentence. I hoped my exhaustion wasn’t able to reach you but you knew straight away.

“What do you see in him? He is talented and ideal but do you think you both match up?“

It was good he called but hitting it directly at me and doubts our relationship? That’s what triggered and ticked me off. “I told you not to talk about this.” I firmly uttered.

“He doesn’t get the way you act, talk or even feel”

“I’m sorry? What do you mean by that?” It’s rare to see us quarrel because you didn’t want to reach that point and yet it’s you trying to get all complicated once again. Here I thought I got the hang of how you think. “He understands me more than anyone.”

“If he does then why didn’t he call by then?”

“He was busy. I repeated that to you more than thrice throughout the whole call. But if he wasn’t busy then he’d take a grasp of everything.”

“Was he? Because the last time I knew you had a rough day, crying all alone, he didn’t. The time I knew I had to cheer you up, he didn’t. The time I knew I needed to reassure you that no one’s ever going to leave you but stay by your side, even though you didn’t realize about it, he didn’t.”

3 seconds passed by before my voice was heard in the line.

“What does that have to do with all these?”

“I understand you but the guy you wanted to be with, doesn’t”

That was it, the final blow. Both were concerning, the whole sentence is. Starting from the conclusion you understood me up until the thought of me wanting a guy who doesn’t pick me up the way I assume couples needed. We had a relationship with Chris, but was it called a relationship with lots of things in between?

“I’m sorry. Slipped out. I was just irritated.” It was a first for you to apologize but my mind wandered to the part where you compared yourself to Christopher.

“What do you mean by you understanding me when he doesn’t?”

“I mean... If I did understand you, then I’m pretty sure a lot more boys out there would be a better match and would recognize your desire. They would be able to take care of you. You know I’m just.. worried.”

If it was the usual vibe, I would’ve laughed at that lame excuse. But thinking back, it’s hard for me to perceive the way you feel about me. I’ve heard rumors but ended up being nonchalant about it because mr. president having feelings? I chose to believe it wasn’t real especially when I’m already facing a hard time.

“good night.” You continued after the short silence. It was now you who was starting to get exhausted. You cut off the line quickly before I could even reply. Was the relationship between me and Chris wasn’t able to follow up fate? How innocent of me to think that true love comes so easily.

Days turned to months and I lost count of the weeks Chris has been gone by my side. He had never failed to text compared in the past, but I still yearned for his affection.

He seemed excited on the phone today and unknowingly called me 5 times and now a 6-

“Christopher, aren’t you busy?” I giggled as I heard him laugh. It made my day and filled up the void in me that was created because of the thought he isn’t able to be with me on my graduation day.

“I have duties... as your boyfriend” I playfully rolled my eyes without expecting a turn of events.

It was my final day in school and to think that I have to spend it alone because I had no friends, awful. Chris made my day though, so I wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. But the feeling of not seeing Hanji anymore still lingered in my mind. It was harsh but I had to accept it. We didn’t talk that much but undoubtedly, he was a good friend in times I need him.

Whilst looking around the stalls in the halls, I found him. He was talking to a guy seemingly the same age as ours and he looked so happy. But as his eyes met mines, was it just me, or did it die down? Maybe he doesn’t want to see me after all? His eyes traveled back to the sushi he ordered but sighed as I ran up to him.

“Mr. president?” The happy and annoying tone of calling him wasn’t present anymore. It was gloomy, hesitating if I should bother his hours or time. “Did I do something?” What happened to our closure? it flees away.

I saw you in the process of trying to smile a little and just hummed to let me know nothing’s wrong. But everything is. You ignored me and walked up to the classroom. I followed you, as I always do. I decided to speak up but you cut me off.

“I’m sorry if I did-“

“Are you still interested in me?”

You turned around and confronted my small figure. It hurts the way you try to smile in front of me but failed to do so. Usually, you always made me believe what you wanted me to. You’d say you’re fine, you’re happy, you’re not exhausted, but right now? I’m not buying it. I may not be able to read you that much, but you seemed too tired to the point that your magic of convincing me didn’t work.

“Interested..?”

“You said you were interested in how elite ones live. Now that you got the answer and your boyfriend is one, what am I there for?”

“You were there for me-“

“when he couldn’t be there”

You were being on and off, getting more complicated as time passes by. You don’t go straight to the point but instead, run circles until I have a hard time contemplating whether I’m the wrong one.

“What are you trying to imply?” I questioned

“I don’t need a quote that says don’t expect something in return”

“Return? After everything, we’ve been through? Our friendship? Was it all just nothing? How doesn’t that benefit you?”

“Because the more I give you your need, why do I have to receive pain instead?” Your voice was shaky and I can see you biting your lip, trying to suppress yourself from falling and breaking. “You wanted to know me because you were curious about my life. Now that you know of it, what do you want from me?”

“What do you mean what do I want? I want nothing from you. The bond that we’re tied in is enough for “

“Then who am I to you?”

“I told you, a friend.”

“My purpose in your life?”

“Lifting me up whenever I feel....down”

“So did you recognize how that sound like to you?”

Among both of us, I broke down first. Why am I being the one treated like the villain in this story taking advantage of people around me? Why am I the perceived the evil being in our friendship? Why does he want to make me feel guilty? I didn’t even know what the problem is yet, but I was already the bad one here. Call me clueless, but I couldn’t be blamed for something I don’t even know about. Quiet sobs filled in the silence and I could feel your sympathy filling the empty room.

“If ever..” in a low volume, you decided to speak “Why do you want to spend more time with me?” I looked up to you and wiped away all my tears if that’s possible.

A reason, that’s all I need to prove but no suggestions came up to my mind. Recollecting tragedies, was I the one who didn’t bother calling you when you didn’t do the same to me? Why didn’t I? You didn’t even pass my mind one single time in the past days. So why didn’t that happen? I appreciated him but when did things gradually just..stop?

Tears fell down yours as well but you didn’t want me to look at you in the eye. “You were supposed to say for more memories, you know? Like because I actually made you happy so you wanted me to appreciate our moments. Believe it or not, that’s what they say” you laughed to lift the air but I was still left dumbfounded after everything. How terrible of me, that thought echoes repeatedly.

Hours passed by and I wasn’t feeling it. The sun turned gloomy, the loud cheer of students turned to noise, the sky turned monochrome and the atmosphere turned dull. All I could do was ask Chris regarding it. All he could say is that he appreciated how Hanji backed off and didn’t want to complicate things more by telling me. Understanding none of it, what does he mean by didn’t want to complicate things more when our quarrel was? Wow, I really am this hopeless. Slow and unaware.

I was lost in thought that I late realized how I could hear vehicles in Chris as he was on call. Was he lying then? He mentioned he was staying in but why are there noises and people chattering? I was baffled hearing one of the familiar voices behind. One seemed to be the same as my classmate.

“Where are you? I thought you said you were in your home?”

“I am home.”

Clichè as it seemed, It all felt like a slow-motion in a fast-paced sequence of events. Firstly you were just talking to me but at the next second, you were personally doing it.

Holding your phone, I finally found the guy I’ve seen and lost on the same day in the past. But now? He’s here. Promising me that he won’t leave ever again. I knew I could trust these words no matter how repetitive they're going to be. Once you tell me it, I just know you’d be by my side no matter what until the end of the world.

You were looking the same as I remembered in the past and it’s played out like deja vu. You walking up to me and giving me a whole hug of comfort, as I cried in your arms.

“How about your-“

“I don’t want you to worry about it. I’ve chosen myself, with no additional pressure, to live with you.” You stroked my hair and patted my back.

“Live with me?”

“Don’t you want to?” I was delighted and surprised by the sudden decision. I wasn’t given enough time to think about it, not that I needed time anyway. I would always choose you over anything else.

It was the event and yes, I graduated with my boyfriend cheering me on and allowed me to soar high and fly, to start a new beginning.

[HAN POV]

It was good seeing you happy. Even if it was Bang Chan, I’m sure he is the only man that can make you smile like that.

But indeed, I was hurt. I was a book you wanted to read but as soon as you got ahold of the main idea, everything starts to get boring. Usually, you would never fail to not make me annoyed each day because as you always say, I cross your mind every time. When you were indulged in your relationship, I was forgotten.

It was all my mistake and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. I may not have any expectations of you loving me, but I had hopes and that’s what made me receive pain. If I hadn’t hoped you would be with me, hoping you forgot about him, hoped you could see I am just here waiting, hoped you could realize I can treat you better, then both of us wouldn’t get hurt. It’s my fault and I’m held accountable to live in regrets.

But even for a split second, I am happy that I am capable of distracting your worries and making your day better. I wasn’t thinking well in the argument a while ago but I did get the benefit. Seeing you happy, makes me happy. So letting you go is the best choice for both of us to receive joy. Scratch that, I don’t have the right to tell you I would let you go.

Because I never stood a chance did I?

[YOUR JOURNAL]

After graduating, I moved in with Christopher. He let me listen to some of the tracks he had created to stop me from bothering him all day.

The music he had composed was nothing personal and was based on people from different perspectives. I had never felt the same experience as well but something about the way he writes and produces brought me to tears. The pain and emptiness inside were well shown in the midst of harmonies. He was also a genius writer with well-structured sentences and livens up feelings in the words to make the listener feel as if he or she was the one narrating it. His father is a musician, but to think he would be able to express that much in songs just shows how deeply connected he is with music. He wasn’t motivated because he tries to stop himself from being like his father but it was a pity for him to stop something he is incredibly good at.

“You’re really something Christopher! Do you know that?” I hugged him from behind and heard his little laughs. “I think I’ve fallen for you all over again. But honestly, I knew you’d write and produce this good” I wore on a smug look as he asked while giggling because of the face I’m giving.

“How?”

“How about calling it an intuition from an expert music lover?” You playfully rolled your eyes in my response because you expected something more detailed. You urged me to explain it to you so you’d knew my opinion about the music and so I did.

“Your words are beautiful that it makes me believe anything you’ll say, Christopher” I smiled and kissed your cheek. I rested my head near your neck as we were sat on the bed, facing each other.

It was true. You made me feel different feelings and opened up a new perspective to move on from my past. You influenced me a variety of changing thoughts. I don’t like the idea of losing myself to someone because it forgets the real me. I don’t like the concept of being crazy in love with people because it doesn’t feel sweet somehow whenever the risk of it being one-sided and unable to move on is present. Not realizing that whenever the talk comes about you, it feels heavenly. I don’t know who I would be if I wasn’t yours but it all feels enchanting. Although you made me insecure, at the same time you made me laugh throughout the day. You were a gold rush. Perfect and gentle, to think that someone like me got you is like winning once in my entire life. Luck is rare but fate was there. By fate, it turned out you were destined to meet me and get me out of the hell hole, no one tried to do. By fate, it means I will love you and will forever do. By fate, we’ll stand strong and fight the cracks alongside our journey.

[CHRIS POV]

You wouldn’t take a no for an answer when I was asked to create more songs. A single shed of tear from listening to my music encouraged you to push more song requests unto me. Make-me-a-song was all I could remember hearing from you.

I remember you publishing one of my songs and I was accepted by it. You were jumping up and down as I was worried about its outcome. I was starting to get known, that was also the beginning of how the unforgivable musician started to forget about the important ones in his life. It was as if the result would be dragging my only light into my darkness. I don’t want to be a musician and yet, here I am composing more songs even if I knew what was coming soon.

I’ve started with light romance that I think you’ll enjoy but seeing you look so happy with just a simple work of mine, gave me that motivation I least wanted to have. And like a recorded cd, everything was played the exact same way in different men. I hated it but it was truly like father, like son.

I continued to write songs with deeper ones but as I got the recognition all the more, I produced as if I was possessed. I was indulged in the way words can be conveyed differently and ideas, stories, and theories were constantly overflowing my mind. I was wrapped up in music and I hated myself for it. Even though I despised the process, I couldn’t help but continuously write. All of my pent-up feelings in the past years were expressed in my songs, making me create heavy tracks and don’t run out of stories to tell. The man I’ve been hiding and was traumatized from came back and it’s as if he mocks me that we are on the same page after all. I felt myself sinking and sinking despite you telling me that I am not like my father because I made you feel the definition of love. I was trapped in a room with no escape that relates whenever I had started making music, I couldn’t get out of it. I wasn’t forced but this drive is what makes me continue because I feel like I’m creating a new genre that makes people deeply appreciate and maybe understand what I’ve been going through.

4 years came by but it felt like days in my studio.

“Chris, are you sure you’re fine? Get enough rest okay?” the young girl called me but I was busy finalizing the song.

“Yes, thank you,” I replied shortly after your question. I wasn’t paying much attention so I didn’t know the accurate response for it.

“Anyways, what’s that ab-“

“I’m working on music that’s going to be showcased and submitted to the famous JYP company later. It is really important so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me by asking so many questions. Come by later, we’ll talk about it then.” I looked at my watch on my right arm and noticed how I still got a few hours left before attending the ceremony. The albums will be released soon after but I have to submit another title track.

I was busy with all the scheduled dates and songs that I hadn’t realized

she wasn’t smiling anymore.

“Mr. Bang Chan?” hours came by and truly the CEO came. We have a friendly bond and he gives me advice so it’s casual for him to call on me. I hurried up to the door and went to the car.

“Why didn’t you invite her to the big event?” The CEO of the company asked me to start up a conversation. He crossed his hands and tapped his fingers as if he thought of something so deep and significant because he was getting impatient.

“It’s a big hassle. She isn’t good and comfortable in interacting with people she doesn’t know” I simply stated and smiled for respect.

“I don’t interfere or meddle in the personal affairs or lives of others but I hope you aren’t neglecting her because of this, are you?”

“She will understand” I looked up to the car window and stared at the illuminating lights from buildings. I know you took a lot of time waiting for me, but please don’t give up and let me finish this song about you. By then, our Disney-like dreams would finally come true and I swear I’ll make you even happier.

I held a box of ring in my pocket. I’ll make you happy, just hang a bit in there okay?

[YOUR POV]

The CEO told me about the new album he’s been working on. It was about his first love. It would be no other than me, right?

I went up to his room and read the paper scattered alongside his desk. There were lots but I decided to read the one that I assumed was already done. It was near the porch and I understood how he wanted to compose in front of the moon.

The moon shone brightly that night

but I realized that wasn’t my source of light

You look lovely

as the smiles you beamed lasted an eternity

I was persuaded and lost in thought

unknowingly, my heart was caught

Because even under the moon, you’ve shone the brightest

and cleared my problems at most

Even under where light lies,

I was indulged deep in your eyes

Even when it illuminates through the void,

a different view is what I’ve enjoyed

Because even if their minds were fixated on the scene,

looking at you felt more serene

I stopped reading the paper and placed it back on the desk.

“That can’t be me..” I thought.

Starting from the mentioned smiles, how could that be me? You stated you enjoyed looking at me, but I felt like I was invisible whenever you compose songs. Did you make songs while thinking of me? I don’t think so. You should’ve known that you were dragging me along with your darkest nights. I wasn’t even your light anymore, it died down. I was overshadowed by your passion or the one you’re talking about in this script. Can I still make you happy? No. Am I still happy? No. The whole lyrics proves how you didn’t even take a single glance at me right now. Because if you did care, you would've known I changed because you did. I changed because the person I was relying upon, didn’t find motivation in me. We started together but it lost while it progresses just like how you started music because of me but lost my figure in your sight along the way. It was reality, I was being forgotten. When I was alone crying, where were you? I know you don’t understand me quite well but I was the whole climate. I changed for seasons unlike in the past where it was mild swings. Because you know what hurts the most? Not the fact that I waited and kept waiting as I am already used to that and no matter how many years it may take, I’ll always wait for you. But it’s all because everything went back. You picked me up from the trauma and showed how love is but it’s as if my past resurfaced from the waters and told me how tragedies would always stay the same. That I would always end up this way no matter who I’m faced to. I felt guilty for slightly regretting that I praised your songs. Indeed you were meant to be connected with music and it’s your passion. I’m happy that I was able to show it to you but wouldn’t these happen if I didn’t start it all? I was wrong. I thought it made you happy but no. None of these made us happy. Your pieces of music weren’t to blame, I shouldn’t be blamed and neither were you. Where did everything go wrong? I don’t know, it just started to fall off. These lyrics were deeply engraved in my mind. You seemed so in love when I wasn’t able to show you what love is. If it was a person, she must’ve been so kind and understanding. She must’ve been someone who understood your secrets and feelings. And me? I couldn’t still get to you. I’m confused about what’s best for you or what you wanted all along. I don’t recognize the woman you’re writing about. Either it was the past me or someone new. Chris,

who is it that you’re in love with?

Cold air rushed through my skin as I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of calm air. It wasn’t possible but it was enough to make me feel calm. I still appreciated our moments but I feel like I can’t wait anymore, Chris. It’s not because I’m tired but because I feel like you’ll be better without me. I hate the idea of me regretting I showed you your passion. I’ll be nothing but a whole burden. You’ll meet someone better who recognizes your life and by then she’ll be a brave one who can communicate with you. You’ll find someone new, or you already did. If anything, happiness is all I need in the end, at least at the ends of the world. It did happen. I was happy because the next thing I’ll do will be the bravest thing I had ever done after all my cowardly decisions in life, and it’s all because of you.

I stood up at the top of the porch and imagined a vivid scenery. It was you kneeling down to someone new. She did accept it and you were celebrating. Tears ran down my cheeks but was I smiling? Yes, it was indeed happiness seeing you take a break from the pressure and realize you needed to receive joy. I wasn’t able to give it to you but to think someone else would, contrasted the happiness and pain. “It’s time to let go” I opened my eyes slowly as I thought and saw the moonlight. I snapped out of my thoughts and cleared out my head. Because no matter what happened in between us, you crossed my mind in a second. And that’s when I knew, I still loved you despite the bittersweet rain.

[CHRIS POV]

I heard sirens in front of the place that doesn’t feel like home anymore. Why? I heard how young and innocent the girl was and it was a pity to see her leave. It was a shock for me to the point that I hadn’t shed a single tear. Empty, hollow. It was all I could feel at the moment. Was she gone? Did she conclude to leave her out of my life?

Paper. That’s all I’ve seen on the desk. It’s prohibited to enter but I couldn’t believe what I’m seeing. The paper was crumpled and I believed you took the time to read this. Was my perspective wrong about you? Wasn’t this about you? I read the paper without further thinking and realized how I painted her as an angel. She is human, she was a human. Yet I’ve acted as if she was happy all the time, trying to save me from being a mess. Did I take a look back at her? No, instead I assumed too quickly. But what could that change? I was late and you’ve already given up. I was this close to preventing this but because I was so into writing a song made for you, I had forgotten the purpose to the point that it doesn’t seem like you anymore. Can I turn back time? If only I could. I needed to feel your warmth, I needed to see you one last time. I need you.

“Excuse me, do you know the victim?” A man from the authorities asked.

“Yes.”

Mixed emotions were vivid. I felt guilty but hoped you were happy in your last breath. The context of mines was complicated and I didn’t even notice it before. I abandoned to treat, as what I comprehend. Miscommunication rode the tides but it was undoubtedly true when I started to ignore people that surround me. I want to focus on you without realizing I left you. Is that even possible? It is now that I’ve seen it. Just like CDs, everything was played out in deja vu. People were different but things were just the same. It was how I became just like the person I despised all my life. But I did it for a reason, it’s not like I forgot about you. I just didn’t think how your feelings are right now but pursuing this song, is how I still remembered every bit of you. Would the ring I held on be given if I arrived earlier? No, I should’ve realized. I should’ve loved and made you feel how important you were to me in the days back then. In times you felt a hole in your chest, I should’ve been there to feel it up with love. I should’ve been there when you felt insecure. I should’ve been there when you felt all alone. But no matter how much I hurt myself, tear myself apart, it all ends with “I should’ve.” I’m sorry I couldn’t show you what I wanted to. I’m sorry I couldn’t love you until the very end.

I continued explaining to the man,

“She was my fiancée”

would you love me if I let go?

43 notes · View notes

pluto-art · 4 years ago

Text

Softly - PatB Fan Fiction

Type: Hurt/Comfort Rating: PG Summary: Baby Brain has known little but pain and misery in an unloving world, but when he gets paired up with a new lab student things change in a way he didn’t expect.

This started out as a mini story in a Discord server and got... a little out of hand. What you see here is how much I typed out in the server.

He hadn't been there long. Two... maybe three weeks? The cold metal had finally become familiar beneath his feet, and the strange blocks, though generally tasteless, kept him alive. There wasn't much that made his new living quarters interesting; there was only so much one could do in a pile of aspen shavings day after day. Occasionally, they would hook up to his cage some sort of liquid that wasn't his usual watery fair. He could never decipher or make heads or tails of the words on the sides of the bottles, saying things like D-D-T or S-N-I-P-P-L-E. The only distinguishing feature to him was that sometimes they tasted terrible, sometimes quite flavorful, and sometimes they tasted like nothing at all. Almost all of them turned his stomach. Driven to thirst, however, he'd play their cruel game. Choice was not something that existed in this crisp, sterile world; at least, not from a personal standpoint. When it did exist it meant the difference between a shock and a treat; a yellow light or a red light; a warm room or a cold one. Choice was manufactured.

He still cried almost every night. He tried to quiet the tears, but they didn't always listen. The others heard him. One or two laughed cynically. Most said nothing; they'd shed their own fair share and would again sooner than later. A single kind soul, a mother rat some doors down from him, occasionally whispered to him a lullaby or two when everyone else but them were asleep. They were songs she sang to her own children to quiet their tears, and she had no less compassion for this unfortunate soul, who was even worse off than her own brood -- he didn't even have any parents to nuzzle up to. Had she her way, she would have mutilated every last living human being in the facility. It was bad enough that they were tested on mercilessly as adults. To do so to children was simply insidious. Alas, she was simply a rat, and so could only dream of days when she wasn't.

Not that BR-41N (that's what they called him; no one had real names here) hadn't tried to be friendly with his captures. Aside from a particularly nasty poke from some long, thin, prickly object inserted into his thigh the first day (it had stung; oh, it had stung...) the proceeding couple of days had consisted of simple maze runs and treadmill exercises. Nothing too elaborate. As a child, he'd been used to running around a lot in the field, and sifting through the labyrinths reminded him of the long grass he'd play hide-and-seek in back home, except at the end of them was a tasty prize: a piece of cheese. He liked cheese. In the wild, it was hard to come by, but here they gave it to him generously, provided he finished the courses, which he always did. The fourth day followed in much the same way, but the fifth day brought something different: a sudden shock and a broken tail. That had changed his view of things. Perhaps the harsh awakening wouldn't have been so terrible had it not been followed by other unspeakable things -- poisoned food; friends made that, the next day, would never be seen again; more shocks given as punishment for choosing an incorrect panel; injections that made him see things he'd never seen, monsters and strange colors and other scary things that kept him awake at night; loud noises that came out of nowhere; and often, quite often, the terrifying echo of squeaks, barks, and meows that made up the daily music of Acme Laboratories. He hated it. He hated all of it. More than anything, he wanted to go home. He missed the warmth; the love; the soft whisper of the wind that traveled through his ivory fur. He wanted all of it back. But life? She was a harsh mistress. And no amount of crying, screaming, or pleading, seemed to ever make her turn an ear.

As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks... months, more than just a tail was broken. Trust was broken. Hope was broken. Spirit... was broken. If there was any love, if there was any future, it wasn't here. Kindness had proved unfruitful, and patience had run its course. He didn't find reason to be willing, nor show charity, towards those who made his life a living hell. What reason was there? What profit was in it? Time had told him, quite bluntly, there wasn't. It had taken him a full month to admit defeat, but admit it he did, and cynical he became, 'til every hand that reached in to grab him was ripe to be bitten, every shot that punctured his stomach was the unwelcome norm, and every newcomer that tried to strike up a friendship was easily ignored. The latter-most was simply wasting their time. He could read the colors on the cages now. He knew that a red mark meant "death". He only wondered why he, as of yet, had never been given one himself. It was as if life itself was laughing at him -- keeping him as witness to the horrors that went on inside the dragon's cave, yet never giving him the satisfaction of death.

And so the third month dawned, chilly and barren, or so the scientists said. Autumn had come. Not that any of the residents within the thick, cemented walls could see it. But the laboratory personnel spoke of it -- gold and crimson leaves, hot chocolate, dried wheat fields. He could almost smell the corn; could almost feel the breeze.... Days passed. For the first time, they gave him a cage mate. E8-WN, they called him. He was kind, but BR-41N had little love left to give. Besides, he had the red tag. It seemed they had only placed him here temporarily due to a lack of space. The next day he was taken to the back. The tiniest shred of pity nipped at BR-41N as he watched the little peach-furred mouse be carried into the surgical room, a curious look on his face. Another emotion was also present within him: jealousy. On the 17th day of September, a new thing happened -- a thing that, for the first time in a while, made the little mouse turn his head.

The school year had started, and, as such, fresh meat was welcomed into the laboratory in the form of fourteen college students looking to continue pursuits in medical science. They were all very quiet during the tour, one or two of them occasionally lifting a hand to ask a question about course materials or contact information. They were each, it seemed, to be given a subject: an animal from the laboratory to study, train, and conduct experiments on. Rats, mice, and hamsters had already been picked out for them, and each was given a black-coated subject or a brown-furred captive to take charge of. Each student's rodent was to be kept in the lab at all times, and specific instructions were given them as to the proper handling of the creatures. At least two experiments were to be conducted on them daily, three if possible. They could spend as much time with their charge as they wished, so long as they got their homework done. Fourteen students. Fourteen rodents. Four months to finish their work. Simple.

As it stood, however, there had been a miscalculation. Fourteen students. Fourteen rodents.... No. Not fourteen. Only thirteen. There'd been an error. They'd forgotten to set aside an extra subject. The unfortunate student without a charge was a college girl named Rachel. All other rodents were going through tests conducted by various personnel in the lab, set aside specifically for said conductions that couldn't currently be tampered with. All except one....

"So, um, Rachel," their teacher said, checking his student list. "You may have to share with... Peterson.... You know what? We might... actually have an extra for you. Hold on. Let me ask...."

And he departed into another room, calling for a "Jackson".

"Jackson! Can she use BR-41N? I don't think he's going through any rigorous testing.... Yeah? Okay. Yeah, that would work out perfectly. Thanks."

He turned back to his brood, many of whom looked quite eager to jump in to these intriguing studies, others looking downright bored.

"Okay. We have one for you. His code name is BR-41N. He's not going through any major testing, and he's generally given the usual works -- labyrinths, shock treatment, all that. But, um... he bites. Really bad. So... you'll have to watch it, all right?"

"Okay," Rachel nodded, looking a little nervous.

"All right. Umm.... Good. Yes. So, let's head back to the main campus, and... we'll start your work tomorrow."

And they left.

BR-41N had only heard part of all this, and had understood none of it. He shivered in his cage, taking a moment to drink some water out of the bottle that hung there. While the arrival of such a large group intrigued him, especially since it consisted of a much younger set than normal, it also made him nervous. Was it a sign of good things to come... or bad? Or just more of the usual fair? One could only wonder. For now, he was simply grateful that the cheese they'd given him today was, for once, not laced with drugs.

She came by on a Tuesday.

It was an hour after a cosmetics test that he heard a knock on the table. His skin still burned. He was cowering in a far corner, and looked back over his shoulder hesitantly.

Rachel stood there, smiling at him.

"Hello, little one." He stared at her, nonplussed. "I guess you're my charge. You gonna say hello?"

And she opened up the door of his cage.

He shuffled back further. He knew all too well by this point that the opening of a door meant one of two things: food or torture. Considering the fact that she didn't smell of food, he had to assume it was the latter.

"It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you. Well, hopefully not...."

Although he didn't understand a word of what she said, her tone was calm; soothing. No one in the lab ever talked to him like this. He couldn't help but stare curiously.

She held her hand up to the entrance and made a soft, squeak-like sound with her mouth. He frowned at her. As if that was going to convince him. He turned away.

"No? I don't blame you," she replied, taking a look at his clipboard. "BR-41N. What kind of a freak name is that? Mind if I call you Brain? Or Brian?"

No response.

"We'll go with Brian. Brain sounds kinda weird."

Brian it was.

She kept the door open, and he braced himself. Any moment now, gloved hands would be protruding into his enclosure to wrap themselves firmly about him, not tight enough to choke him, but secure enough that he couldn't escape. But the hand didn't come. If anything, she pulled up a chair, sat down, and rested her arms upon the table on which his cage sat. She was... giving him a choice? He stared at her, unsure how to react.

"Come on, sweet heart," she cooed, rubbing her fingers together encouragingly.

But he wouldn't budge. If this was some new trick, it wasn't going to work. He wished she'd just grab him and get it over with. Sooner or later, she'd have to. It was only a matter of time. And so he waited....

She sat there for a full twenty minutes, trying her best to get him to come over, but he refused to budge, and so she gave up. As expected, she still ran him through a maze, but instead of reaching in to grab him, she found a clear tube and scooped him up in it, covering both ends before depositing him into the run as such. It was... odd, but less invasive than what he was used to. He rather wished the others would do it that way.

Via the same method she returned him to his cage at the end of the test. As usual, he took to the corner, assuming his usual cowardly pose, but he turned to look at her as she spoke.

"Sorry about that. Nice job, though. See you tomorrow."

And so went the next day... and the next, always with the same introduction: She'd open his door, pull up a chair, and offer her hand to him. After twenty minutes of nothing, she'd scoop him up in the tube, deposit him in the maze or whatever other test he was to perform that day, and return him in the same manner. This went on for four whole weeks, always with a kind word, never coupled with a harsh prod or poking of his skin. He came to somewhat look forward to her almost daily visits, not because he trusted her (the one time she had tried touching him [with gloves on, of course], he'd given her a fair warning in the form of a bite), but because it was the only two hours during the day in which he knew he wouldn't be fed poison, given a shot, or made to inhale cigarette smoke. The other students joked with her. By far, she had the unfriendliest mouse out of all of them, and they found her kind advances a waste of time.

"Just pick him up!" a tall boy said.

Most of them had no problem with handling their subjects by the tail; at least, the boys generally didn't. The girls were kinder, but even they didn't take the time to get to know their animals intimately. They also were given the harder tests to conduct on their critters and so tried not to get attached.

Whereas most of the rats, mice, and hamsters given to the students would eventually be killed in some way or other at the end of the semester, via through vivisection, gassing, cancer, or some other method, BR-41N, or... Brian, as Rachel now called him, was not scheduled to be offed anytime soon and so could not undergo such rigorous experiments. As such, she got both the easy job of conducting very simple tests on him, and also the hard job of trying to work with the most hostile mouse in the entire facility.

"He's never gonna warm up to you," one of the other students said.

Rachel took it as a challenge.

"Watch me," she said.

But Brian was proving to be a much tougher can than expected. By the sixth week, he still hadn't even bothered to venture near the cage entrance when she sat near it, even with tasty treats in hand. He simply didn't trust anyone. Not anymore....

October came and went, to be replaced with a frosty November. Whenever Brian saw Rachel now she had a cup of tea in hand, the better to ward off the coming winter chill. Still she tried; still he refused to relent. Until the 9th....

It was late. She hadn't been able to get to the lab until 8:00 PM due to unfortunate series of events that involved a fender bender, two appointments, and a last minute essay. When she got to the lab she was tired... and not at all in the mood to deal with Brian's B.S., and he knew it.

"'Sup?" she asked him wearily, setting down her things in a huff. Only a handful of other people were still in the facility at this hour, none of them students. Fine by her. She preferred the quiet anyway. "We're gonna do something a little different today, bud."

Indeed.... He perked his ears up at her exhausted tone and the fact that, for once, she didn't open the cage door. But she did still slide the chair up to his table.

On the opposite side of the room was a television on a rolling stand. Normally, this was used for surgeries and other experiments. Once in a blue moon, however, someone would use it for recreational purposes -- to watch the local news when there was time to kill. Most fortunately for Rachel, it also came with a VHS player. Into it she popped a tape, before sitting down in the chair and grabbing her hot cup of peppermint tea. Despite himself, Brian took a whiff of the tea, whose scent had wafted into his cage and tickled his nose. It smelled good.

The film began to play. Brian didn't know the name of it, but whatever it was it was made up of very pretty pictures and featured a lot of dogs... and snow (at least at the beginning). It was rather soothing. Still, he didn't move from his spot, save to grab a lab block at one point to munch on, more to pass the time than anything. His stomach was still a little unsettled from earlier. Privately, he was a bit ticked off at the girl. Had she been a bit earlier he might have avoided the shock treatments. Not that they would have withheld them regardless.

It wasn't until the second song that his attention was at last caught.

"La la lu, La la lu, Oh my little star sweeper, I'll sweep the star dust for you...."

Sweetly did the animated woman sing her little song, and Brian, captivated, perked his ears. He looked up at the television. She was still singing. He stepped forward, bit by bit, until he was right up to the closed door, two little paws coming up to grasp at the bars of his cage as he stared, entranced, at the screen.

"La la lu, La la lu, And may love be your keeper, La la lu, La la lu, La la luuuuu."

And so it ended, all within the span of a minute, if that, but something had stirred with him -- a remembrance of home, and warmth, and what it was like to be loved.

He was still clutching at the bars when he noticed that Rachel was smiling at him, and he promptly sped back to his corner, embarrassed.

"Atta boy," she whispered, still grinning softly at him.

He refused to look at her. He wasn't touched by it or anything. He wasn't....

"It's okay. Don't be embarrassed," said the girl. "I like that song, too."

Brian stayed in his corner the rest of the movie, but the song never left his mind.

---

The next day proceeded as normal. Once again, Rachel sat by his cage. Once again, she had brought a treat, albeit one he'd never seen before, nor smelled, for that matter. It was small... and white... and fluffy, and it smelled sugary and sweet. He wanted it. Oh, he wanted it so very badly. But nothing that ever came from the fingers of a scientist, even a soft-spoken one, was innocent. And so he refused, his back turned to her.

"Stubborn butt," said Rachel, and by her tone alone Brian could tell that it was a snide comment. He ignored her.

"Here."

As had occurred many times before, she left the treat in his cage near the entrance, closed the door, and sat to watch him. His eyes shifted towards the treat. It sat there, staring at him, mocking him. Eat me, it said. No, he thought. Oh, but it smelled so good....

Rachel sighed. So did Brian. She rested her head in her arms, exasperated. Maybe it really wasn't worth it....

Brian licked his lips. Perhaps....

He took a step forward. Rachel remained where she was, head in her arms, not looking at him. He moved another step. She was still as a stone. Patter patter patter patter patter... GRAB. He swooped back to his corner as fast as possible, marshmallow in his mouth. Rachel looked up... and chuckled. Brian dug into the treat, enjoying every second of it as teeth sunk into the savory delight. He'd never tasted anything this good before. It was better than mother's milk; much better than lab pellets; better than cheese....

"Silly little thing," Rachel giggled, smiling as he filled his cheeks with pleasantness. "Wait 'til you see what I bring you tomorrow."

Tomorrow, he was to find out, brought a piece of a doughnut, and the day after that a waffle. He'd never been this darn spoiled before. On the fourth occasion, he was, for once, already at the door, waiting to see what she'd bring. Lady and the Tramp and sugar, it turned out, were the keys to his heart, although he still wouldn't let her touch him. If her hand so much as brushed his fur he was back to his corner in a rush, although, this time, he didn't try to bite her first.

Rachel laughed when she saw the two little paws clutching at the gated entrance.

"You like 'em that much, huh? Here ya' go."

He stepped back to allow her access to the gate, and watched carefully as she placed something savory and smelling of salt inside. He sniffed, investigating as she closed the door. He took a tentative bite. Mmmmm. Yes, this was acceptable. Grabbing it, he rushed back to his usual corner and chowed down.

"Good. A fellow bacon appreciator," Rachel nodded, satisfied.

He ate the entire piece, licking his lips and proceeding to clean himself afterwards. That had been a bit messy. Good, but messy. If there was something he still valued, it was cleanliness. He could at least retain some form of dignity. The state of his fur was one of the few things he still had control over. Unlike some of the other unfortunate chaps, he'd never had to endure surgery or a shaved stomach.

Two little pink ears perked up as his cage door was opened yet again. More treats? No. Just Rachel, hand offered to him once more. Brian sighed. She just wouldn't give up, would she?

A second glance made him aware that she did, in fact, have something in her hand -- another marshmallow. Hmph. Sneaky. And yet, he'd be lying if he said he didn't want it....

"It's okay, little one," Rachel cooed, hand still outstretched, that plump marshmallow beckoning ever so tantalizingly. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise."

Brian sighed. He looked down at the floor, then over at her hand.

Rachel's eyes widened a touch, but she otherwise didn't reveal her surprise as Brian moved forward, inch by inch, step by step, towards her hand....

He stopped at the entrance, debating. Dare he...? It was a risk. He'd never willing done this, not since he'd been captured. It was a stupid decision. Stupid. And yet....

Her hand shifted a touch, and Brian shifted nervously with it. Rachel waited with bated breath.

He stepped forward....

In a flash, he'd grabbed the 'mallow from her hand and retreated to the back of his cage, not daring to even think about what he'd just done. It was foolish. It was dangerous. And yet, she hadn't tried to grab him, or even pet him. She'd just... given him a choice. And he'd taken it. Somehow, for some reason, he'd taken it.

Rachel smiled.

"Atta boy."

---

Perhaps it was the mere fact, the tantalizing realization, that he had a choice in the first place, that drew him back, but over the course of the next few weeks, things changed.

It had started slow at first. A light brush of the whiskers here; a sniff of the hand there. But, eventually, Brian, of his own accord, stepped into her hand. And she didn't close her fingers about him harshly, or strangle him, or pick him up by the tail. She simply... let him be. It was kind. It was unobtrusive. It was respectful. And he appreciated it.

No longer did the other students make fun, or joke that she'd never gain his trust. If anything, they questioned her.

"How the heck did you do it?" they'd ask, curious.

Even more confused were the scientists themselves. Not that anyone had tried very hard to gain the little mouse's trust. He was, in their opinion, not worth the time.

But he was to Rachel.

December came, and with it a complete turn-around in Brian's behavior, albeit towards one particular individual.

He eagerly rushed into her hand now. No need for the transportation tube. She could carry him on her shoulder to the maze area and pick him up with her bare hands as she placed him in the labyrinth, although she still made sure to let him take the first step and would, more often than not, simply offer a hand instead of plucking him from her shoulder. He still appreciated this.

Every weekday was now a day to look forward to. Sure, he was still tormented by the main personnel, but for two or three hours, two or three sweet hours, he didn't have to worry about anything. On the days he suffered from a stomach-ache, she'd hold him close to her chest and do her best to rub the pain away, offering him tea to ease his suffering, and if he fell asleep on her shoulder and woke up, shaking, from a bad dream, she'd rock him back and forth, singing "La La Lu" to him until the nightmares went away. On those rare nights, when she could only work late and no one was around, she'd bottle feed him. He'd been hesitant (and a little embarrassed) at first, but any reminder of home was difficult to ignore, and so he ended up embracing each form of love and affection with open paws, clutching tightly to her chest some days, as if this hug would be his last. For all he knew, it could be. He'd gotten used to her visits, but what if she left and never came back? He didn't want that love to leave....

December 14th.

The end of the semester was approaching. Rachel had told him, time and again, that she was leaving soon; that she would miss him; that she'd try to come back for the next semester. Brian understood none of this. He was a mouse, after all. Human language was foreign to him. The most he could understand was the occasional word -- his name, Brian, and various names of foods and tests -- and basic inflections that he knew signified concern, happiness, or contentment. But he didn't understand "leave", or "semester", or "miss". He could tell something was wrong, that she was sad, but as to why, he did not know.

A week from the last day of the semester, she brought a surprise: a movie. It had something to do with a rat, and food. He liked it for those things. He wished he could understand the words. It seemed interesting. He sat on Rachel's shoulder the entire time, at least until the end of the film, during which Rachel offered her hand to him. He accepted. She brought him up to her chest, nuzzling him close.

"I'm going away for a while, but... I'll try to be back next semester."

She petted him gently. He stared up at her, curious and concerned. Why was she so sad?

"I'm going to miss you...," she whispered. And, for the first time, she kissed him on his fuzzy white head. "I love you...."

He didn't understand the words, but he understood what they meant; how they felt.

Slowly, gently, he nuzzled close to her... and licked her fingers. It was the first time he'd shown genuine affection outside of nuzzling since he'd been captured. I love you, too....

He didn't understand it, but... there was something in the air that told him something big was coming. Something new. Something was going to be different....

December 18th came just like any other day. The semester was coming to a close. Many students had already finished their courses and gone home for the holidays. The occasional class still lingered on, including the medical science class. Most all had completed training and experimentation on their subjects for the season and were simply spending the next few days filing reports and filling out last minute essays. Some of the rodents wouldn't live to see the new year. Others had already been subjected to vivisection by their handlers and were far from the lab by this point. Subject BR-41N was one of the few who'd been given the same sheet on their clipboard day after day, week after week: a run of the mill of the usual, simple, non-invasive tests, along with an injection or two. But today was different.

As Rachel stepped up to Brian's cage, sipping at a hot cup of tea and smiling as her charge ran up to the bars to greet her, she frowned as she pulled up the clip board. His tag was yellow. Not the usual blue, but... yellow. She set down her cup, ignoring Brian's squeaky pleas to be let out as she looked over the sheet carefully.

Subject Reserved for Project B.R.A.I.N. // Invasive Study -- Cognitive Psychology, Neuroscience Psychology // 4:00 PM - Dec. 20

There was a pause, in which the dip in Rachel's brow furrowed ever deeper, her eyes roaming about the page scrutinizingly, before she slipped the paper out of its holder and headed back out the way she'd came, Brian looking curiously after her.

She marched all the way to a back office, in which sat one of the laboratory heads: Jackson. He looked up over his square-rimmed glasses as she knocked upon the exposed inner door frame.

"Yes?" he asked, sounding bored.

"Hey. Um.... I think you gave my subject the wrong paper."

"BR-41N?"

"Yeah. He got a yellow."

She stretched out her arm, offering the paper as proof, but he didn't take it. Instead, he looked up at her, fingers meeting at their tips, and said:

"No, I gave you the right paper. That's for BR-41N. His procedure is in two days."

His tone was flat and laced with a thin layer of poison, as if her daring to question him was a challenge.

"But... I thought he was just doing mainly labyrinth tests."

"Ms. Field, I thought you were told...?"

"Told what...?"

"He's been scheduled for this procedure for months. We wanted him fresh and so have eschewed more invasive tests until now. Frankly, you've been spending a little too much time with that mouse. He's gotten too friendly. We're not in the business of developing attachment here."

He said all this with a straight face, completely emotionless. Rachel swallowed thickly.

"Sir, I've... been going over this test. It's... very dangerous."

"Yes."

"It could kill him...."

"Yes?"

Rachel simply stared at him, uncertain of what to say next. He wasn't working with her here....

"Look.... What did you expect? You're studying medical science, correct?"

She nodded.

"Okay, well," he continued, a small chuckle of sarcasm escaping his lips as he said it. "Y-You have to realize that... this is a laboratory. We can't keep every subject. And these tests come with a lot of risks."

"Could you possibly do the test on another subject...?" Rachel asked, choosing her words carefully. "Brian is still kind of young, and..."

"Brian?"

Shoot.

"Sorry, I mean... BR-41N."

"You can't start... naming them, Miss Field. That's when you start getting attached. Understand?"

"I know...," Rachel mumbled, cheeks reddening as she looked down at her shoes.

"And the whole point of using him at this age is because his mind is younger. He's fresh."

"But he's just a baby..."

"Yes? And? A lot of the other students are working with infants."

"This one is...," Rachel began, than stopped. Already she'd said too much.

"Miss Field, if you don't prepare him for the procedure, someone else will. Now, you can either do your assignment or lose your credits. It's your choice."

Rachel sighed. Still holding the paper, she let her arm fall dramatically to her side.

"Fine...."

And she turned to walk off. But...

"Miss Field?"

She looked at him.

"Don't do anything stupid."

"Yes, Sir," Rachel replied, after a hefty pause, and headed back to her charge.

---

Brian didn't understand why Rachel was so quiet that day, nor why she cuddled him so much. She whispered to him something about "breaking out" and "night", but he didn't understand what those things meant, although he heard the urgency in her voice. As a result, he was a little more uptight the rest of the afternoon.

Before leaving, Rachel kissed the top of his head again, before setting him back down in the cage and hooking the door. Her good-byes were all but gibberish to him, although he recognized the word "tomorrow". So he'd be seeing her tomorrow. That was good. At least he had a time frame. He was naive to the rest....

---

December 19th 9:15 PM

BR-41N cleaned his whiskers, pondering.

She hadn't shown up today. Strange. "Tomorrow". She's said "tomorrow". Today was tomorrow. Why hadn't she come?

To his left, in a far corner of the room, someone sneezed in their cage. Brian frowned sadly. It was that hamster again. Whatever they'd given him had put him into a sneezing fit for an hour. Now and then he relapsed.

He yawned, stretched, and made for the food dispenser, when he suddenly heard a sharp click of a door being opened and abruptly snapped shut. He turned in the direction of the door. A light flicked on. Brian smiled.

Rachel's feet slid across the floor in haste. Instead of her usual student lab coat, she was decked out in her normal clothes, complete with backpack. Her hoodie was up, obscuring her hair, save for a few strands that stuck out here and there, as well as part of her face. She moved with purpose, albeit a little covertly, looking over her shoulder every now and then, as if expecting someone to grab her at any minute.

Set in a wall above the entrance to the room, a camera followed her. Rachel's eyes shifted at the sound as she moved towards Brian's cage. She knew she only had five, maybe ten, minutes at best.

Opening the cage door, she held her hand out for Brian to step onto. He hesitated. Something didn't smell right....

"Come on. We're busting you out of here, dude," Rachel whispered.

Brian cocked his head at her questioningly.

"Listen, they're going to put your through that splicer if we don't get you out of here, so come on."

There was an urgency in her voice that, despite his misgivings, compelled him to move forward. He trusted her too much by this point.

"Atta boy," she praised him, tucking him in her shirt pocket.

He peeked out, paws clutching at the edges of the pocket interestedly.

"Let's go," Rachel whispered, turning back to the door and stopping as she realized that someone was already standing there....

Framed in the metal doorway was a woman, thirty-five... maybe forty-something in age. Her arms were crossed, and the expression on her face seemed as taught and firm as the scrunchie tightening her poofy auburn hair. Her long lab coat was still settling; she must have only just gotten there. Rachel recognized this woman. Lana, her name was -- she was one of the head managers at the facility. Jackson had obviously tipped her off.

"Fancied a night stroll?" she asked, tone dripping with sarcasm.

Rachel remained frozen in place, a hand subconsciously cupping her shirt pocket. The gesture didn't go unnoticed.

"You know you're risking a lot for this. That's all your credits down the drain."

"He's worth it," Rachel answered, resolute.

"He's not. You take him and they'll just get another subject."

"At least I'll have saved this one."

"We'd still rather you not take an asset that's been reserved for months for this procedure," Lana nipped, taking a step forward.

Rachel took a step back. Her eyes shifted to a door to her left. It led to several other testing rooms and then back out into the main hallway. Some of the doors had security locks. It was the long way around, but if she was fast enough....

"Rachel...," Lana spoke, tone threatening as she advanced. "Put him down."

With each step Lana took towards her, Rachel moved two back. She could feel herself starting to perspire. Gosh, this was a stupid idea....

"Rachel...."

With a hand cupped over her shirt pocket, Rachel darted in the direction of the door, opening it up in a flash and slamming it shut behind her. Already she was racing for the opposite end of the room, where another door stood.

Brian jumped as an alarm went off, followed by red lights that flashed all throughout the facility. Rachel was already in the next room, her heart racing. She could hear the panicked footsteps behind her, mimicking her own, and hoped upon hope that she was faster than her pursuer.

Rachel picked up her pace as she entered the next room. This one, she knew, required an employee badge to open. All of the students had been given security badges, of course, primarily for general access to the entrance and main rooms. They worked on some doors in the facility. Some, but not all. She'd never been in these rooms. Privately, she prayed that they'd open for her.

Slamming her badge up against a wall panel, she bounced up and down on the balls of her feet nervously.

"Come on. Come oooon! Take it!!"

It did. The door unlocked, and she swung it open in haste to make for the next locked door, which also granted her entrance.

She was faster than Lana, but it didn't mean the woman wasn't hot on her heels. Brian shut his eyes tightly, huddling against Rachel's chest on the inside of her pocket as she darted about, her hand still cupping him securely. He knew, somehow, that this was about him. His ears rotated this way and that at the duo of clicking feet racing down the linoleum flooring. Who would win? Who was he most valuable to?

It wasn't until the fourth room that Rachel started to panic. Yet again, she'd reached a door asking for proof of access, except this time... her badge was not accepted. She shook the door handle feebly, knowing it wouldn't open; knowing this was the end of the line. Despite himself, Brian peeked out of the shirt pocket, just in time to see Lana as Rachel swiftly turned around to face the woman, who stood at the opposite end of the room, hair askew and chest heaving as she glared at Rachel and her tiny charge.

"You're persistent, I'll give you that," Lana huffed.

"Why do you need him?! Just let me take him and get another subject!" Rachel bit.

"We let you get away with it and you'll set a precedent! You know that!" Lana snapped right back. "And we don't want to waste any more time. We've spent too much money on this project."

"He's just a baby!"

"All of them are meant to be expendable! Hand him over!"

"No!"

Brian's ears flicked. Rachel held her breath. Was it just them, or did they hear... more footsteps?

"You won't have a choice," Lana said flatly, expressionless as she was joined by not one, not two, but five other lab hands, one of the them Jackson, all of them full-time personnel.

"Rachel.... Hand him over," Jackson said, holding out his hand expectantly.

Rachel glared daggers at him, even though she was fully aware of the impossibility of the situation. Like the mouse she was trying so hard to protect, she was trapped, her back against the wall, literally. They were going to take him. They were going to take him and there was nothing she could do about it....

"I told you not to do anything stupid," Jackson continued.

"Please...," Rachel pleaded, breathing heavily. "Please, let me take care of him. I'll train another in his place as compensation, I swear. Just... don't hurt him."

"And then you'll grow attached to that one and try and kidnap it. We've seen it before. You're not the first," Jackson reprimanded.

"Good," said Rachel. "I'm glad I'm not."

Privately, she wondered why she'd ever signed up for this in the first place. She wanted the degree. She wanted it badly. She also loved animals, and knew that following her passion came with sacrifices. What she hadn't counted on was how difficult it would be to accept that. It wasn't feasible, she realized. In fact, it was darn near impossible.

She looked down at the infant trembling in her pocket -- at this little creature that had captured her heart and locked it away, far away from any hopes and dreams of graduating in the medical field of her choosing. "He's not worth it," Lana had said. Was he not? Brian looked up at her, those glossy little eyes staring at her expectantly, trustingly. She smiled sadly at him and, for the last time, cuddled him close, before looking up at the troop across from her.

"If you want him, come and get him," she challenged. They weren't getting him without a fight.

And they rushed at her.

She tried to escape. Oh, she tried... and failed. They grabbed her by the arms as she wrestled against them, cheering Brian on as he somehow managed to escape from her pocket and slip underneath one of the shelving units in the room. But Lana caught him, Brian squeaking as his tail snagged between the beaker and the small metal panel she'd captured him with. He stared at Rachel, his desperate, panicked expression the last thing she saw before being knocked out.

-------

- Two Years Later -

The plan had failed. Rather spectacularly, he might add....

It was the first time in Brain's memory he could ever recall being caught red-handed by any of the personnel at Acme Labs. It was a miracle he and Pinky had managed to escape, but, despite his best attempts, they'd been separated in the process.

He made for a facility some yards away from the main laboratory, sweating as he squeezed under its front door and immediately hid under a cabinet to his right. Lights flashed now and again beyond the windows, desperate voices accompanying them as the scientists searched here and their for the escapees. Brain silently prayed that Pinky had somehow found a suitable hiding spot.

In his position under the cabinet, he backed up against the wall and slid down it, a paw clutching at his chest as he struggled to catch his breath. After a few seconds, he gulped, sniffed, and buried his face in his knees. Stupid. Stupid.... He'd jeopardized their whole mission. What if they'd captured Pinky? What would they do to him? And even if they did escape, where would they go? He'd ruined everything. Everything....

In his haste to remain undetected, he'd neglected to realize that this room... was not entirely devoid of life. It was a small area -- a security office, to be exact. Numerous monitors took up space on a desk, at which someone sat. They slid out of their chair and stepped over to Brain's hiding place. He noticed... and shivered.

Whatever, whomever, it was got down on their knees to peer at him from just outside the dresser.

"Hello...," they said.

It was a woman. Her voice was soft, and kind, but Brain turned his head away from her prying eyes. Typical. In an effort to not get caught he'd inevitably been ratted out. He immediately considered making a run for it, but, for some reason he couldn't explain, he didn't.

"Hey.... Shh. Shh. It's okay, little one. It's okay," cooed the woman. "You wanna come on out...?"

And she held out a hand to him. She didn't try to grab him, or scare him out. She simply... gave him a choice.

But it had been too long. He didn't recognize her, neither she him... until she noticed the tail. Then she knew.

"Brian...?" she breathed, eyes growing wide.

He stared at her, nonplussed, still shivering.

"Brian, it's me. Rachel," she beckoned, her hand still in place. But he didn't move. If anything, he frowned at her. "Brian"?

And she tried everything -- talking to him soothingly; offering him a treat from her pocket. Nothing worked. Brain simply hid his face once more, willing her to go away; to leave him be; to, hopefully, not report him to the authorities if they came to call.

Rachel sighed. She sat up for a moment, thinking, and blinked. Struck with a sudden idea, she rested her hands on her lap... and began to sing....

“La la lu, La la lu, Oh my little star sweeper, I'll sweep the star dust for you...“

Brain blinked... and lifted his head, ever so slowly....

“La la lu, La la lu, Little soft fluffy sleeper, Here comes a pink cloud for you...“

He stood up... and walked forward, right to the edge of the cabinet. She was still singing.

“La la lu, La la lu, Little wandering angel, Fold up your wings, Close your eyes...”

His mouth was fully open now, his round eyes glossy and getting ever shinier. He couldn't pull his gaze away from her face.

“La la lu, La la lu, And may love be your keeper...

La la lu, La la lu, La la lu....”

Rachel stared at him, smiling. He had completely stepped out from under the cabinet by now, his little body trembling slightly.

"Hello, little star sweeper," Rachel whispered to him.

Breath hitching, Brain ran onto her lap, up her shirt, and clutched tightly to her chest, only a second or two going by before he felt those familiar hands hold him gently, securely.

"Oh, Brian...," she choked, kissing his head. He didn't even flinch.

"Why didn't you come back?" he asked, unable to hold back his tears.

"I couldn't," she answered honestly. "But I was able to keep an eye on you from here."

He sniffed and pulled back a little to look around the room. It was, indeed, a security office, and a fairly high end one at that, decked out with all the works.

"I'm an artist now, but in my part time I take the night shift. They at least let me come back for that, probably 'cause Jackson and Lana are gone now," she chuckled softly. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you this time...."

Brain looked up at her, suddenly understanding. All that time they'd never been caught; never been reported. All those months and years that the camera had simply turned a blind eye to their antics. He thought it was simply negligence. Now he knew why.

"Thank you...," Brain whispered. "And it's... Brain now."

"I know," she smiled. “I still watch tv, ya' know. I just still remember you as my 'Brian'. I'm sorry, Brain."

He couldn't help but smile. All this time....

"Come with me?" Rachel asked him.

"Where?"

"Back to my place. I'll hide you. You can have the guest room, if you'd like."

A sharp knock at the door startled them both, and she quickly ran to her desk, Brain in her hands. She lifted him up and under the desk.

"There's a hidden panel in the roof! Get in it!" she whispered to him urgently.

He found it, albeit with a little difficulty. He pushed at a little area that looked as if it had been cut into... and down shifted a small cubby in which she kept an assortment of odd bits and bobs that were probably not supposed to be in her possession -- special looking keys and badges, among other things. He slipped into it, and Rachel pushed it closed before walking over to answer the door....

Another barrage of bangs thundered at the entrance as Rachel opened it, a hand on her hip as she held the door ajar, doing her best to look as ticked off as possible.

"Sheesh! Gimme a minute to finish pouring my tea! Gosh...."

Outside stood two gentlemen, both in lab coats, looking frantic.

"Have you seen a mouse?" one of them said. He was taller and appeared to be the leader. "White. Large cranium. He was with a companion."

Rachel shrugged.

"Is that what you guys have been looking for?"

"You haven't seen them on your cameras?" the second man asked, panting a little.

Rachel shook her head.

"No, I haven't seen anything."

The men exchanged glances.

"We'd better search the place, just to make sure," the leader said, and without further ado they barged in and began searching every nook, cranny, drawer, and trash can they could. They failed to find the hidden cubby, however. "Can we ask you to roll back the footage?"

"Sure, but you're not gonna find anything," Rachel shrugged again.

They did as permitted, scrutinizing every bit of film captured within the last ten minutes. Although they managed to catch one or two glimpses of the mice leaving the lab, as expected, they couldn't find hair no hide of them on any other roll. Behind their backs, Rachel smirked. Smart little guy. Even on the run, he'd purposely made sure not to walk in the path of the cameras.

After several more minutes of scrutiny, they finally gave up, heading for the door in a huff.

"Sorry for your time. Report to us if you find anything," said the leader.

"No problem," Rachel said, shutting the door with a snap behind them and sighing deeply. Yeah, right..., she thought.

Going back to her desk, she pushed open the hidden cubby. It lowered down and Brain immediately jumped into her hand, breathing rather heavily.

"Sorry, little one," Rachel apologized. I can imagine it's pretty stuffy in there...."

He gave her a look, albeit not a very harsh one. He had no reason to complain.

She raised her hand, allowing him to jump up onto her shoulder.

"They'll be back later to go over more footage," Rachel warned, sitting down at her desk and leaning back in her chair.

"I know," Brain said, licking at his paws and smoothing out his frazzled fur.

Rachel jumped a little and stared at him.

"Heh. I forgot you guys talk now...."

"Is that a problem...?" Brain asked, a little nervously.

Rachel smiled.

"Not at all."

She reached out a hand to scratch at a spot behind his ears.

"What are you...? Ohhhh-ho-ho-ho...," Brain melted, reeling a little at first before giving way to a goofy smile and a thumping foot as he pressed into the touch.

"Still got that little sensitive spot, huh?" Rachel chuckled, her scratches evolving into a head massage.

Brain practically fell off her shoulder, Rachel catching him in her hands and raising him up to eye level, the better to get a good look at him. He cleared his throat, embarrassed. How demoralizing.... But Rachel simply beamed at him.

"You know... I really missed you."

"I... wish I could say the same...," Brain confessed, shuffling a foot. He imagined he had thought of her often, as an infant, but over time the memories simply... faded.

Rachel didn't look upset, though.

"I understand. It's okay. I still love you."

"I...," Brain began, then stopped. No. He couldn't bring himself to say it. Even with Pinky he couldn't ever admit such a thing, and he loved Pinky most of all.

"You don't have to say it. I know you do in your heart," Rachel said, and she kissed him tenderly on the top of his head.

His ears flattened as she did it, and he almost immediately smoothed out the area where she'd kissed him, but he couldn't hide the blush tickling his cheeks and ears. Her behavior was cheesy as all get out, but privately he knew she was right. He did care, even if he'd never admit it.

Just then, something, or... someone, slipped underneath the door. A white-furred, lanky somebody.

"Pinky!!" Brain yelped.

Brain leapt off of Rachel in a flash, landing hard on the floor and limping a little as he ran into Pinky's outstretched arms.

"Brain!!" Pinky shouted right back. "Oh, I thought I'd never see you again!!"

He twirled him around in a circle or two before Brain became aware of what he was doing and promptly pushed himself out of Pinky's grasp, clearing his throat, once again embarrassed.

"Y-Yes, well.... I'm... glad you're safe, Pinky," Brain replied awkwardly, patting his companion on the head.

"Ohhh! Who's this, Brain?" Pinky asked, pointing up at Rachel, who still sat in her computer chair, smiling down at them both.

"Umm.... Pinky, this is Rachel. She's... an old friend."

"Nice to meet you, Pinky! I've heard a lot about you. Well, maybe not heard, but... I've seen you guys on the tv a lot!" Rachel said, beaming.

"You have?!" Pinky gasped, clasping two paws to his face in surprise. "Did you hear that, Brain? We're famous!!"

"Pinky, we've been famous many times, all of them never lasting as long as I'd like...," Brain recollected.

"Well, yes, Brain, but never to a friend!"

Rachel smiled and leaned forward a little.

"I have a proposition for you guys."

"For both of us? Is that legal, Brain?" Pinky whispered to his cage mate, looking concerned, to which Brain facepalmed.

"Proposition, Pinky, not proposal."

"Ohhhhhhhhh. Well, that's different then, isn't it?" Pinky said, nodding eagerly to Rachel.

"How would you guys like to come room at my place? Just for as long as you need until you can get off your feet."

Once again, Pinky gasped excitedly.

"Can we, Brain?!"

"Well...," Brain pondered, hesitating. The offer, though generous, made him feel rather... helpless and awkward, as if he was intruding.

"You're welcome to any of the food and stuff. I've got havarti," she smirked.

Pinky gasped again.

"Oh, please, please, please, please, pleeeeaaaaase, Brain?!?" Pinky pleaded again.

"You're... sure you wouldn't mind?" Brain asked. "I'd hate to intrude...."

"My house is yours," Rachel said genuinely. "And it comes with a pool table," she added, winking at Pinky.

Pinky was doing his utmost to contain a squeal, biting his lip and practically bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. Brain rolled his eyes.

"Oh, all right...," he relented.

"YAAAAAY!!" exclaimed Pinky, jumping into Rachel's outstretched hand, followed by Brain, as she lifted them up onto her shoulder.

"You'll have to hide in my backpack on the way to the car," she said. "The next guy is about to swap out with me."

And she pulled her backpack up from off the floor and plopped it onto the desk, opening it up. Pinky sprung off her shoulder as if it was a diving board, plunging into the depths of the backpack, which, by all accounts, wasn't very deep. Pinky didn't seem to mind, though. He had fun "swimming" around amongst the snacks, car keys, pencils, wallet, and little sketchpad all the same. Brain simply shook his head, unable to keep a smile off his face. What an idiot.

Rachel was as good as her word. They were given the guest bedroom, along with access to the rest of the house, food included. Provided they didn't draw too much attention to themselves, they were allowed to tinker and plan all they liked within the safety of the back room, and lie low they did, for Acme Labs was on the hunt for a good number of weeks before they gave up on finding them entirely.

Pinky was quite fond of the seemingly unlimited amount of cheese available in the fridge, along with the plethora of movies Rachel had at her disposal. He was often to be found in front of the television, and if he wasn't there he was by Brain's side almost constantly. Brain was most grateful for the space in which to concoct experiments and conjure up plans for world domination, although he had to improvise more often than not, seeing as he didn't have all of the lab's equipment at his beck and call anymore. It was something he sorely missed, but he couldn't say he minded the warm bed and good food that came with their new living quarters either. It was... nice.

Once in a blue moon (which ended up being once a month), Pinky would request Lady and the Tramp for movie night, not just because he liked it, but because of Brain's unusual reaction to it. He liked to watch him subconsciously lean up against Rachel as they sat next to her, eventually breaking down into a fit of silent tears as "La La Lu" danced around the room. Sometimes Rachel would pick him up, holding him close and massaging his head as he calmed against her chest. Oftentimes, Pinky would join them, cuddling up next to Brain as they nuzzled together in Rachel's warm hands.

"I love you, Brain," Pinky would mumble sweetly, giving him an extra squeeze.

"I love you, little one," whispered Rachel, petting him softly.

I love you, too, said Brain in his own little way, holding them both just a tiny bit tighter, a smile creeping its way up onto his face. It was nice, being loved....

~ I love you, too. ~

The End

-------------

The ending of this is meant to be sort of an alternate to Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain. What if they'd ended up there after running away from Acme instead of at Elmyra's?

I didn’t realize until after writing this that it makes no sense for Rachel to be cool with Brain talking one minute, only to be surprised by it the next. It’s a glaring error on my part, but I left it in as a reminder to myself that I need to be more careful. Lol.

Technically, this whole thing is a self-insert, although the name of the girl is not my real name. It’s actually the cognomen of my very first rat. Ha-ha. But the personality of the character is me -- how I talk; act around animals; and most likely what I’d do if put into this situation. The exception is the chase scene. I don’t think I’d act that... panicked? Who knows, though....

This is kind of a way I show compassion for Brain, seeing as I cannot, of course, give him an actual hug. I love Brain more than any other fictional character I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching on screen. It’s not a romantic love or anything. Certainly not. It’s more... maternal. The desire to love and protect is strong. That combination of: individual with a tragic backstory + laboratory setting + main character who happens to be a mouse = the perfect concoction to turn my heart to mush. I owned rats for many years and have a great love for animals, and tend to get attached to certain fictional characters, so here you have the result. He’d be as averse as ever to physical affection, but if I could hold Brain in my hands, plant a kiss on his head, and tell him he’s loved. I would. Thank God for Pinky.

#fan fiction #pinky and the brain

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renohasbigtits · 4 years ago

Note

Oh my goodness those Ignis mpreg headcanons were so well written! I really enjoyed them they were really cute, if ya don’t mind me asking could you do Prompto next? I’ll leave all the details up to you but plz give us more uwu

Mpreg Prompto (Final Fantasy 15 Headcanons)

Omg ☺️ I’m glad you liked the Iggy one. Honestly While making the Ignis one, I was thinking about doing a Prompto Mpreg headcanon but I didn’t think someone would ask for a Prompto one.

But I will give the the people what they want!! PROMPTO MPREG!! Expect this to be very silly 🙃

Idk where this takes place, I’ll leave it to your imagination ;) just know that no ones dead! Yay everyone lives!!

One more thing: this does contain Mpreg (Male Pregnancy. Don’t like? Don’t read! Constructive feedback is welcome!)

• He’s a lot of things (being adorable cinnamon roll is one 🥰) but stupid isn’t one of them.

• he’ll noticed 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 how he’s gaining weight and starts to become more insecure (someone hug him pls)

Minor Warning: mentions of eating disorder habits.

• he starts to exercise more but he pushes himself a little to far of what people consider “Normal” and stops eating around people. That caught Ignis’s eye.

• Ignis motherly instincts kick in (Noct ain’t his only kid ya know) he confronts Prompto’s lack of appetite but Prompto doubles down.

• Ignis asks Noctis to, as his Best Friend, To help Prompto. Noctis goes to talk to his Best Friend.

•Noct tries to talk to Prompto about his excessive exercise and seemingly lack of appetite but Noctis’s awkwardness and his unintentional nonchalant attitude, doesn’t help and Prompto just ignores his friends concerns.

•however, one day Prompto passes out while running and is rushed to the hospital.

•it’s only then, he’s given the shocking news; He’s Pregnant! Not just that, he’s already a month Pregnant!

•he’s in shock and disbelief at first. How could that happ-

•oh yeah he had sex (duh)

•to make a long story short, Prompto was at a party, met someone, was getting along great and...well yeah you guess the rest xD (tbh I’m not comfortable or good at describing sex scenes, so I’m not gonna torture you guys 😅)

•after that, Prompto never saw (or heard) from them again.

•Gladio was like “Welp, it least you got laid!”

• meanwhile Noctis and Ignis: 👨‍🦯👨‍🦯

•Now, in a hospital bed, with the news that he’s Pregnant, Prompto feels alone, confused and scared. So he, reluctantly, turns to his friends for help.

•Noctis jaw was on the floor, he wanted it to be a joke. It wasn’t a joke.

•Gladio was: 📉📈📉📈📉📈📉

•Ignis, being the most calmest and levelheaded, tells Prompto to try to contact the baby’s other parent (can you tell I’m trying to be gender neutral? What can I say I love my he’s, she’s, and they’s 🥰)

•this, however, proves to be a colossal failure, since Prompto doesn’t even remember their name!

•Out of stress Prompto begins to cry :’(

• Noctis finally sees the seriousness of the situation, promises his best friend to help him and be there for him.

•Ignis and Gladio as well! Yay Grandma and Grandpa!...I mean Uncles!!!

•One Month: Prompto begun to eat correctly again. He’s lucky that the baby wasn’t harmed.

•this poor boy...gets sick a lot!!

•morning sickness is his worst enemy!!!

• “Now I know what my Mom went through...”

• he has the most RANDOM cravings...poor Ignis.

•he has to make the weirdest shit for Prompto!

•it least he’s eating it, so it’s worth it...kinda.

•Noctis is very protective of his friend. He knows people can be... judge mental.

•if anyone gives Prompto weird looks or glares.

•Oh Hell No!

•Noctis ain’t having none of it!!

•he’ll glare at them back! “What? What the hell are you staring at?!”

•He almost fought someone.

•Gladio had to stop him, he’s making Prompto cry (and that shit ain’t acceptable)

•Ignis just sighs. (Being a single mother is hard guys)

• Second Month: Prompto’s belly keeps gets bigger. He proud and nervous. He feels like he’s getting fat.

•The Doctor assures him that he’s not getting fat, he’s womb is getting bigger, which means the baby is growing fine.

•plus his friends are the best support system!!!

•lris gets him baby clothes, baby toys, etc.

•you better believe he’s taking pics of his baby bump.

•not just because it’s adorable, but because he wants to document it! He wants to scrapbook it!! It’s one of his biggest projects and he wants it to be perfect!

•Third Month: he has to buy new clothes ;-; he’s already outgrowing the ones he has!

• Prompto’s insecurity: 📈📈📈

•Noctis still tries to fight ANYONE who even looks at Prompto.

•Even Gladio gets annoyed with Noct fighting people and arguing with security to not kick them out.

•��Noct stop trying to fight people or your getting nothing but vegetables!!!”

•oh and you just know Prompto is gonna buy some Chocobo plushies, he’s kid is gonna love Chocobo’s as much as he does!

•55% of the baby supplies is Chocobo related.

•Fouth Month: This is it. He finds out the baby’s gender!

•it takes a while cuz the baby was an awkward position.

•”poor little guy, he must feel uncomfortable as much as I do.”

•”she’s actually a girl, Prompto. Congrats it’s a Girl!”

•”AAHAHAAHAH! IT’S A GIRL!” lris had to scream that where Noctis, Gladio and “I haven’t had my Coffee yet” Ignis could hear.

•THAT’S IT! I’M MAKING IT’S A GIRL CAKE!!

•that’s how they celebrate the announcement of the baby’s gender.

•Noct wouldn’t admit it but he’s really excited to be an Uncle.

•Gladio and Ignis as well.

•however, Prompto does not have much experience with taking care of Babies, so he starts practicing.

•for the next couple months, he training to take care of baby.

•he gets better but he fears he won’t be a good father (or mother) to his unborn Daughter.

•he doesn’t want her to feel what he felt growing up; loneliness.

•he promises her that he’ll never let her feel alone. He wants her feel loved and safe.

Eight Months: She’s already kicking. Literally!

•Seriously, She’s the most active baby the Doctor’s ever seen!

•let’s hope she won’t be too energetic....

•lris decides to make a baby shower for Prompto. The plan is simple:

•Ignis makes the food. (So many new Recipeh’s)

•Noctis keeps Prompto distracted. It’s not that hard as it sounds, he takes Prompto to a Chocobo farm!

•all tho, Prompto can’t ride the Chocobros cause he might fall and hurt himself and his unborn daughter, but he’s really enjoying himself. The plan is going smoothly.

•meanwhile Gladio decorates with the material he’s given because Iris doesn’t trust him to bring his own.

•it’s small and not many people came but hey! It’s the thought that that counts.

•Noct gets a text to bring Prompto to the party. The plan is going great!

•Prompto was so moved by all the hard work and the effort his friends made, that he balled his eyes out.

•it went great! They eaten the delicious food (THATS IT! GRANDMA IGNIS ACTIVITY!)

•the gifts were adorable ☺️

•Noct’s gift (note: lris had to drag Noct to a baby store, so she and Noct could get a gift. Much to Noct’s embarrassment) was Rare Black Chocobo plush!

•it was so cute! (In a dark way)

•Gladio’s was an adorable baby book. (He would have gotten a book about Chocobos but they didn’t have any ;-;)

•Ignis’s was a strange one. It was a coffee maker.

•”Iggy...why would I need this l?”

•”Cause your gonna be up all night.”

•believe me. Ignis knows all to well.

•lris’s gift was an Moogle Plush.

•It went amazing! (Prompto got to take some left overs home)

•Nine Month: The last month. The doctor was put Prompto on bed rest. Don’t walk around too much, try to stay hydrated.

•Noctis has to come over to look after Prompto during the last days of his Pregnancy.

•to say Prompto is nervous would be an understatement!!

•he’s sooo scared to feel what labor is like. He knows it’s extremely painful. Yeah he’s having a c-section but....

•Wait! WHAT WILL THE C-SECTION FEEL LIKE?!?!?

•he wouldn’t have to wait long...

•during the night, Prompto was having a hard time sleeping, due to some back pain (you know where this is going...)

•trying to get up, Prompto feels something wet.

•”NOCT!”

•”what I was drea-“

•”Prompto...did your water break?!”

•”I-I don’t know!!”

•unsure what to do, Noct (panicking) calls Ignis.

•”IGGY! I THINK PROMPTO’S WATER BROKE? MAYBE? I DON’T KNOW!”

•”Noct, how about you call the midwife?” Said Ignis calmly. (Let me know if you got that joke 😉)

•Noct calls the midwife, she tell him to bring Prompto to the hospital.

•(weeeeeeeeee wooooooooooo 🚑)

•They figure out pretty quickly that, the baby is coming NOW!

•poor Noct, sitting in the waiting room with a pajama top on and unclean pants (no shoes btw) hoping that it would go well and nothing happen to Prompto and his niece.

•after for what seems like forever, A nurse comes out with a small bundle in his arms.

•”He wanted you to hold her.”

•Noct was stunned. In his arms with Prompto’s baby girl!

•and she was the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen!

•this tiny little thing, has his blond hair, blue eyes, even his freckles! She was the cutest thing ever!!

•Noct even shed a tear. He’s definitely not telling anyone about that.

30 Minutes Earlier

•Prompto just woken up. He passed out after he heard her cries.

•now, waking up; he wants to see his baby girl.

•once he sees her again, he basically falls in love all over again.

•Crying while her eyes were looking at his.

•”Hi there...nice to meet you.”

•She cooed in response. OMG.

•everyone else fell in love with her too.

•”She’s Adorable.”

•”hard to believe she’ll grow up so big.”

•she was basically welcome with open arms.

•over the years, shes basically a mini version of Prompto with a bit of a shy streak.

•he takes so.many.pics that she becomes camera shy.

•She LOVES chocobos and love to ride them with her Daddy ^^

•Noct is basically her second favorite person. She’s almost always falling asleep on him. He’s not complaining tho.

•btw, that Black Chocobo toy? It’s her absolute favorite.

•Ignis has to be her third favorite.

•she always refers to him as Mama Iggy. Much to Iggy’s embarrassment.

•She likes helping him cook. She’s a little mini helper and even passes out food. Ignis greatly appreciates the help.

•Gladio gives the best piggy back rides!

•she helps him a little with his exercise.

•Prompto and his Daughter are the closest you’ll ever see.

•she’s his rock and he’s her Father.

•When he finds out his origins and his “Father” he doubt downs to make sure he’s never like him. Period.

•After Noct disappears, She’s helps him get ready for Noctis’s eventual return.

•while getting stronger herself.

•When Noctis returns (and brings back the light) he’s shocked and happy to see that Prompto’s Daughter, has not changed much (besides age)

•she now helps around the Citadel.

•Prompto? Well

•Prompto is truly great full for having his daughter in his life.

•”Hey D/N?”

•”Yeah Dad?”

•”I love you.”

•”I love you too Dad.”

OMG! I did not expect this to be fucking long! 😅 well I hope I did this Justice. To who requested this, I hope you loved it!

I guess it turned more serious than silly huh? Welp, I still hoped you guys liked it!

Please Reblog!!

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wlntrsldler · 5 years ago

Text

To Be So Lonely (Bucky Barnes Series)

When Bucky and Y/N signed up for this online penpal system, they never expected to grow attached to the other person behind the screen.

In the penpal system, they can only unlock the other person’s messages on the 25th of each month. They can write and send off their response as soon as they want but the other person is not able to see it until the 25th.

letter 1.0

prologue 1.0 | 2.0

TBSL MASTERLIST

“Dear Y/N,

Here’s my next letter since I didn’t have choice but to send you a response. And you’re right, by the way. From where I’m standing, it looks like you’re all I have. Sam is great and I really do appreciate him more than I let him know but it’s hard to talk to him when he’s just as confused, lost, and dare I say it, lonely, as I am. He’s losing a part of him, the same way I’m losing a part of me.

I’m having some trouble readjusting to this new life. Before the snap I was already a bit out of touch, to say the least, but after the snap, it was like I was back to square one. Except this time I don’t have Steve to teach me the ropes. Sam and I have been reading up on what we missed out in the five years we lost. The whole thing is so confusing to me. Do we count the last five years when someone asks how old we are? Or does it not count because technically we didn’t exist? Or does it count because we came back? I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure that out. What do you think?

Did you survive the snap? Sorry if that’s an insensitive question. I guess you can say I haven’t had enough social interaction to know what’s acceptable to say and what isn’t.

I lost a few friends because of it. When I came back and first saw Steve, I was excited and asked him questions about the lives of everyone who survived. He stayed silent when I asked about an old friend of mine. I don’t really know if she considered us friends, old enemies, maybe? We got in a few scraps back in the day. I don’t remember if I was able to apologize to her for the pain I caused her and I think that was one of my biggest regrets, and that’s saying a lot if you ever find out my past life. Steve always reassured me that she knew that I was sorry even if I didn’t say it out loud. It’s nice of him to try to make me feel better but I always hoped that I’d get to sit down with her one day and just, you know, talk to her. Really talk. But I’m afraid that’s not possible anymore.

Me and Sam shed a few tears when Steve first told us she wasn’t coming back anymore. She was a light in a lot of our lives, Y/N. She was someone who understood what it meant to be alive but never really living. She was strong, fearless, and brave, but under that exterior she put up, she had the kindest heart. She sacrificed herself for the greater good. Quite literally.

The first gathering I went to after we all came back was a funeral for one of Steve’s closest friends. Depressing, isn’t it? I think this letter trumps my first one with its scale of absolute melancholy. It was nice though, despite the reason why we all came together. I saw so many people, from all different walks of life, come together to honor this man that we lost. A part of me felt like I didn’t have the right to be there, considering the pain I caused him for most of his life. I feel like I don’t deserve majority of the people in my life because of all the pain I’ve caused. I hope you don’t think I’m a bad person because of this, I promise I’ve changed. I don’t do that anymore.

We danced, sung, laughed, and cried that night. We tried our best not to cry as much as possible because he wouldn’t have liked that. He was a man who loved celebrations, parties, and finding a reason to make people happy. I’m glad he found that happiness before he passed. I see that same love for people in his daughter’s eyes when I look at her. She called me uncle one time and that was the moment I swore that I would repay him back for everything I cost him by making sure nothing ever happens to his angel of a daughter. She’s the best kid ever, by the way. Smart as hell, just like her father and driven, like her mother.

That’s the last time we were all together. It’s actually quite sad now that I think about it. I think we’re all too scared to see each other again. Maybe because once we do, we all have to face the harsh reality that we were dealt with. Maybe none of us have truly accepted it- we don’t want to accept that we lost people and we’re continuing to lose people everyday. But I’m just glad that if that was the last time we would all see each other, at least it was in celebration of an incredible man.

On a lighter note, Alpine is finally making himself comfortable in the apartment. He purrs every time I reach over to pet him now. He used to flinch under my cold touch when I first got him but I think he’s gotten used to it now, maybe even growing fond of it. He snuggles up next to me when I sleep and sometimes I wake up in the morning with his body tucked under my chin. I laugh every single time, no matter how often it happens now. He wakes up and just nudges my jaw. He’s a great cat, Y/N.

Sam is finally starting to warm up to him. He doesn’t think I know but I hear him talking to Alpine when they’re both in the living room. Sam talks to Alpine like he’s an actual human. Seriously Y/N, I would be snooping from the hallways and I’d just hear Sam talking to Alpine when he’s watching TV, the Bachelorette is his current guilty pleasure right now, saying things like: “Hey, man, keep your paws off my food.” or “I think she should choose the other guy, what do you think?”

Thank you for being an interesting person to talk to. You make this whole penpal thing bearable. It’s truly nice to meet you, Y/N Y/L/N/I. I’m looking forward to learning more about you.

A hoping stranger,

James B.”

A/N: taglist is open! send an ask! :)

TAGLIST:

@ceeellewrites

@igothroughphasesalot

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x yn #Winter Soldier #winter soldier imagine #winter soldier smut #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x yn #marvel #marvel series #sebastian stan #the avengers #to be so lonely fic

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miastideclock · 4 years ago

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Yang Jeongin Drabble, “Inside Beauty.”

@jhopesdimples hello! im a new skz and bts blog and i found yours and have been reading all ur skz stuff at the moment. can i request a jeongin drabble where the reader is insecure about being older and slightly bigger than him? preferably filled with angst but a happy ending? it’s okay if not! keep writing it’s so good! 💖

Word Count: 1790 Warnings: Eating disorder, but not really??? I don’t know, but just in case it might be triggering, sorry

It had been a long day, and you were happy that you could spend the rest of the day hanging out with your boyfriend and your friends. More often than not you found yourself at the Stray Kids dorm, hanging out with the boys and having fun. That was how you ended up falling for Jeongin, and luckily- he returned the favor.

After months of begging to management, they finally lifted the dating ban for the group, making all of them go over the moon. That included you, as that meant you could go public with Jeongin, the love of your life.

You knew you weren’t perfect, but Jeongin loved you despite that, and that made you fall for him even more.

It was no secret that you were on the heavier side, and it probably didn’t help that you were also taller than him. But when you were with Jeongin, you instantly forgot all of that. Or at least until Jeongin’s leader, Chan, got a girlfriend for himself.

She was two years younger than him, about five inches shorter than him, and easing in on the skinny side. She was super nice, and never did you any harm, but she made you think.

“Would Jeongin prefer it if I was like her? Younger, shorter and all around smaller?” But everytime the thought crossed your mind, you forced it out. He loved you like you were, and nothing could change that. But still, you found yourself thinking whenever you were at the dorm.

“Come sit on my lap.” “Let me give you a piggyback ride!” “You’re so tiny and cute!”

Things you heard on a daily basis, but they were never to you. It was Chan talking to his girlfriend, Lacey. They were super cute together, you had to admit- but it got a bit frustrating at times, always comparing yourself to her.

After a while, you found yourself skipping meals, and walking the long way to work. You would suggest going for walks rather than watching movies like you always did. Jeongin didn’t notice it at first, and much like a puppy-dog was just excited to spend time with you, whether it was on the couch or going for a walk. He did however, notice when your mood had dropped over the last few weeks. At first he connected it to stress at work, and figured you would talk to him if you needed to- that much he trusted you on. But when you never spoke about it, and you never got any happier, he got concerned.

You were on a walk the first time Jeongin asked.

“Y/N, are you okay?”

It had caught you off guard as he had cut himself off to ask you. You had originally talked about his upcoming schedule, but he figured work talk could wait until later.

“Yeah, I’m good! Why’re you asking?” You lied through your teeth. You weren’t okay, but you couldn’t tell him. He wouldn’t understand. He had hundred of thousands of girl confessing their undying love for him every single day. They praised him like a god, kept telling him he was perfect just the way he was and that he should never change. He could never understand the feeling of not being good enough.

“Just wondering. Maybe my Spidey-senses are off.” He chuckled and continued to swing your hand back and forth as you walked through the park.

Another week passed before the topic came up again. You were sleeping over at the dorm as they had nothing scheduled for the next morning, however, you found yourself wide awake at two am. You had tried to force your eyes shut for the past three hours, but to no avail. You eventually gave up and made your way to the kitchen, careful not to wake up your boyfriend, who was sleeping soundly next to you.

You wanted to make yourself a cup of hot tea to maybe soothe you into sleep, but you forgot where they kept the kettle. After looking through about seventy-five percent of the cupboards, you heard footsteps creep up behind you. You turned around and met the face of a might confused and sleepy Lacey. Chan’s girlfriend.

“Hey, sorry. Did I wake you?” You asked in a whisper, her quickly shaking her head.

“Oh don’t worry! I was looking to make myself some tea. I assume that’s what you’re doing as well?” She spoke, a smile prominent on her lips.

Lacey was one of the sweetest girls you had ever met, which made the situation even more annoying- because god knows you wanted to dislike her. Dislike her for making you doubt yourself, and even worse- making you doubt Jeongin.

“Yeah, but I forgot where they keep the kettle.” You smiled sheepishly. Lacey chuckled and opened one of the cupboards you had already looked through. “I don’t know why they feel the need to hide it, like if they’re getting robbed, I hardly think this will be the first thing they’d steal.” She snickered and pulled the kettle out from the very back.

Silence overcame you as she filled it with water and plugged it into the wall. The soft sound of silence blended well with the heating water, it eventually coming to a boil.

“Would you like milk or sugar?” You asked as you prepared two cups, each with a teabag. You had silently assigned each task, as Lacey watched the kettle and you grabbed the tea.

“I actually have it with a teaspoon of honey! You have to try it, it’s so yummy.” She beamed, grabbing the honey that was sat on the counter. You nodded and let her put the honey in each of the cups before pouring in the boiling water.

After you had cleared away the equipment and the things you had used, you both grabbed your respected cups and headed to the living room, sitting down on the couch before kick-starting another conversation.

“I know we don’t know each other all that well, but maybe it even helps that we’re borderline strangers. Are you alright these days? I’m so sorry if I come off as intrusive, it’s just that the boys have talked about you acting a bit off lately, and they don’t really know how to go about it.” Lacey spoke in her soft voice, a bit of an accent shining though, but you couldn’t place it.

Her words hit you harder than you had originally anticipated, making tears burn at the brim of your eyes.

“I don’t know, Lacey.” Your voice broke and you quickly shifted your gaze from her down to your cup of steaming tea. You weren’t okay, and you knew that. You hadn’t been okay for a while. At first, you thought your insecurities had just been an inconvenience, and nothing more. But as time went by, you found it eating you up from the inside. No matter what it was, you always thought about how you looked, especially compared to Jeongin, and how you were scared to talk to him about it.

So that was exactly what you told Lacey. And before you knew it, you were crying, as was she when she confessed her own insecurities and issues. It ended up with both of you having to put down your cups on the table, because you were both crying and shaking.

“I know exactly what you’re feeling, babe. Every single day, we have to look at all of those beautiful fans and its only natural for us to compare ourselves! But I do know one thing. Jeongin loves you just as much as you love him, maybe even more. And yes those fans are beautiful- but as are you. So talk to him, maybe he’ll understand.” Lacey finally spoke after you both had controlled your breathing.

You gave her a hug, and decided it was better to do it now, despite the fact that it was almost four am. If you didn’t do it now, who knows when you’d muster up the courage to do it.

Sneaking back into his room, you closed the door carefully behind you, then made your way over to the bed. Sitting down on the edge you carefully shook his body. “Babe, Jeongin? I need to talk to you.”

He quickly stirred awake, confused and tired. “What’s going on? Y/N, are you okay?” He suddenly came to it, scared for your wellbeing.

“Actually, I’m not, and that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I know you asked me a few times last week if I was doing okay, and I lied. I haven’t been doing good for a while. It was like everything hit me all at once, and I don’t know what to say. It’s no secret I’m bigger than you, and that’s never bothered me until recently. I keep seeing all of your beautiful fans, and I keep thinking ‘wow, he has a lot of options. I wonder how long it’ll take before he find someone prettier and better than me. I feel like just a detail in your picture, you know?” You were crying again at this point, and Jeongin looked at you with all the sorrow in the world as he held your hand and listened to you.

He would never have guessed that was why you had been upset. You always carried yourself with such grace and confidence, it made him swoon.

“Y/N, baby. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You know something like that will never happen. Sure, we have pretty fans, but they are nothing compared to you. You are my everything, and even though you are the most breathtaking person I have ever seen, it’s not that that made me fall in love with you. It’s your inside beauty. Your inside beauty shines through your whole self, making you stand out. Not like the flower-crown in a boy’s hair, or the diamonds around a woman’s neck. You are stunning, and so much more than just a detail, you are the picture. You are the view. You can easily be compared to a sunset, or the starry sky a late night, but you are so much more than that too. Both outside and inside beauty like yours is so much rarer than that. You are the northern lights people travel long and far to see. You Y/N, you are unique in the best possible way.”

You were sobbing, to say the least. Jeongin had even shed a few tears, heartbroken that his baby was hurting. He then quickly pulled you into a hug, holding you tight as you both cried, no longer sad tears, but happy ones.

You couldn’t believe how insanely lucky you were to have someone like him in your life, and that you could call him yours.

“I love you.”

I really hope you like it!

Feel free to request more!!

-bentley

#kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop one shot #kpop requests #kpop drabble #stray kids #stray kids reactions #stray kids requests #stray kids scenarios #stray kids one shots #stray kids drabbles #stray kids i.n #yang jeongin #stray kids jeongin #skz #skz player

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angelicichor · 5 years ago

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Okay, here we go again, hope y’all ready.

Slashers dealing with their S/O having a mental break down pt.2 in which I’m a horrible person and Bubba baby I’m so sorry.

TW: self-degradation, mental trauma, mental break down, depression

Michael Myers (OG):

♦ The very moment the infamous Shape of Haddonfield had spared your life on that fateful Halloween night you knew that your existence would get a whole lot harder.

♦ You’ve read Doctor Loomis’ book, it created a clear image of this being before you in your head, this devil, who took people’s lives to satisfy some gross urge inside himself, some repressed emotions, some perversion, who knew.

♦ Yet as the man with the devil’s eyes moved into your house and you got to spend time with him, willingly or not, you learned there was more to him than the psychiatrist claimed. It was hard to tell what exactly you saw in him, it might’ve been pure Stockholm syndrome after being forced to stay indoors for a week just after meeting him, but you grew a bond with this murderer.

♦ It clearly wasn’t love, but rather adoration, maybe friendship, it was impossible to decide, really, somehow you doubted there was a title for what you two had, so you just decided to call it a voluntary hostage situation.

♦ It was stupid and Michael just sighed heavily through his mask when you’ve told him about the name, but it was SOMETHING.

♦ And you needed a lot of somethings to deal with him, with who he was and what hiding you at your place made you.

♦ You’ve suffered sleepless nights because of it, all too aware what was going on when Michael was gone, noticing all the missing knives, the axe from your shed, the rope, even the blade from your lawnmower. You’d stand up in the morning only to find his bloody coveralls on the top of your dark clothing, ready for washing, while he was walking around in your ex’s pants.

♦ But even though your mind told you of all the atrocities this man committed, you couldn’t pull away from him. Something keeping you in place and you feared it was the anxious awareness that if you betrayed him, he’d know, he’d find you and he’d end you in a heart beat.

♦ Each day your sane mind told you to call the police and get under witness protection, get away from this soulless monster, start anew and once you’re old and already satisfied with the life you’ve led, you can write a book about it and live the rest of your days in luxury from your sales.

♦ But it wasn’t that easy, because the twisted part of your self was attracted to this now familiar danger. His body, his touch and his voice, only sounding for you, dark and raspy, making you tremble whenever he called out your name.

♦ You craved his dark affection, his toxic touch and those piercing eyes gazing into you with a primal possessiveness to them. He had marked you his way too many times.

♦ And within the walls of the house you used to feel at home in you felt lost, starring into the pool of red beneath your feet, still shuddering from what happened, your gut clenching at the realization that it had been the second time, too.

♦ He killed someone in front of you.

♦ Yet this time you felt nothing, an empty, raging void sucking your heart in, as you zoned out of everything, not even able to think, an empty husk.

♦ There was some distant sensation, something dark pulling forward, a part of you tried to push it away, but it was weak and as you heard the floor boards behind you creak, it lost.

♦ “Michael… Can you… kill me?” you asked, voice devoid of emotion, cold and distant, lost, without purpose and sitting before a window you didn’t notice his reaction, the way his body stuttered, head tilting and brows furrowing under the mask. He never had it in him to take it off in front of you for longer than a minute.

♦ And you noticed it starring back at you, unmoving and that brought a tired half-smile towards your pale face, a breath of a broken laugh leaving your chest, but not mouth, giving your body a single shake.

♦ Of course he wouldn’t take it off, why would he, for some stupid play thing like you? You were too stupid to even understand why he wore it in the first place, with his looks he could have anyone he wanted, but he settled for you, why? You were pretty sure it was only because you hadn’t annoyed him that much when he tried to kill you, he just thought you were simple and stupid, perfect to use and throw away once he got bored, but now you wished so hard that he’d get it over with and move on.

♦ “Michael, I’m tired.” you murmured, and if listening to your words your brain let the wave of exhaustion wash over your face, body and soul, letting that one feeling go, your hands grasping at your hair, again blind to the twitch in his hands.

♦ “I’m grateful that you let me live then and… I adore you in a way I guess, though don’t ask me why, I don’t really understand myself.” you didn’t see him, but heard his footsteps, coming closer, but slowly, almost hesitantly. But you were sure he was just mocking you for being weak in front of him, drawing out your anxiety, the other feeling that slipped through the iron curtain your mind had set.

♦ “I just can’t handle it anymore, I know I’m pathetic, a coward, but I’ve been bearing with your… tendencies for so long… I’ve accepted you because there’s some fucked up part of me that wants to be with you but… I can’t handle being your toy, Michael… not anymore. I have feelings, too many of them, and they just… “ you didn’t get to finish, as The Shape pulled at your shoulder harshly towards him.

♦ His throat clenched when you didn’t even make a sound, your tired, blank stare welcoming him instead. “Please, Michael. I can’t risk everything for someone who can never care for me.“ you spoke still, the darkness in your heart leaking, drop by drop, filling you to the brim as you smiled still, letting tears run down your cheeks. And at the angle he held you at you couldn’t even see the anger his eyes conveyed, but you could sense it. “I know this isn’t your fault.” And all too suddenly it was gone. “But I need you to let me go now. You’ll find someone better, prettier, maybe smart enough to give you enough stability to take get rid of this mask… Because god, you know I’m just a dumb little thing.” you huffed a laughter and yet he was still, unmoved, just like he always was, so you risked it, grabbing his hand and pushing your neck into it, anger overtaking your eyes. “Just fucking finish the job, Myers.” you cried, closing your eyes the moment his fingers tightened around you neck, squeezing tight.

♦ And the feeling of relief in your gut was just sickening.

♦ Yet as you waited for your pipes to close, for a snap of your neck, for the stinging pain of his knife, nothing came. Instead your head spun with the sudden sensation of both of your cheeks being grabbed, painfully, but almost gently.

♦ You dared to open your eyes and froze instantly.

♦ “No.” Michael spoke from above you, digging his nails into your soft skin, his expression fixed into pure rage and you gulped. “You’re mine.” The growling of his voice made you tremble, eyes tearing up once more, landing on his rough fingers. “And you will be till the day I die.” He pressed his forehead against yours, his blue eye making your very souls shiver as it’s gaze connected with your own, letting you soak in the pure obsessiveness of it’s nature.

♦ And you nodded gently, struggling to catch air, clawing at his dark shirt in a desperate attempt to ground yourself to something, anything.

♦ And for once, Michael reached out to you without the intent to harm, pulling you into his chest and sitting still, letting you steal just of tiny bit of his emotion.

♦ And you whimpered in joy, realizing just how horrible of a person you were.

Bubba Sawyer:

♦ You didn’t mean to scream.

♦ Or at least not at the person you did.

♦ Both Drayton and Nubbins looked at you appalled, as their sweetest family member let his head lower, taking in your words.

♦ This whole day was horrible from the start, you waking up with a headache, no motivation, the old man calling you down to trick you into feeding grandpa, then Nubbins came, insisting on showing you his knife and attempting to cut you with it, much to Drayton’s disapproval.

♦ You’ve been walking around irritated as all hell the whole day, but once dinner rolled on, everything was just too much. Four screaming, kicking people were shoved towards the table and sat down, much to their protest, muted by the duck tape around their heads.

♦ Then Nubbins decided that it would’ve been a great idea to rip the gags off! With a knife! Laughing maniacally through the whole thing and the screams that mixed in with it soon after really didn’t help your migraine, neither did the ceremonial smashing heads in with a hammer, as Drayton missed on purpose to scare the poor, poor girl that was chosen to be first.

♦ And of course somebody had to wiggle out of the rope and hold a knife to your back, not realizing that you could, in fact, defend yourself by grabbing a plate and smashing it in his face.

♦ Then there was that chainsaw, oh, it was family, alright.

♦ Family of loud, annoying noises swearing to rip your poor brain to shreds, because there were no pain killers ANYWHERE in the house, of course there wouldn’t be! Drayton took them almost every day to ease his back pains, even though everybody knew damn well he was just tense and needed to find somebody to massage him, because neither you nor Nubbins would do it and Bubba… was a wild card.

♦ The poor boy.

♦ He just caught you at your worst moment, when you were about to tip over, having noticed that you were agitated the whole day and babbling to you in his sweet, darling voice, asking if you wan”ted to go rest.

♦ And that high pitched series of noises was enough for you to raise your voice.

♦ “CAN’T YOU FUCKING SHUT UP?!” You shrieked, not even pointing the complaint at him, but with the whole situation, it landed right at his heart.

♦ And you were god damn heart broken the moment you realized what you’ve just done.

♦ “Oh no…” he shook slightly, eyes focused on the ground as you stood up from your chair and fretted towards him. “Bubba, baby, I’m so sorry I-I didn’t…” you started, reaching out towards his masked face, but his sudden hold on your hands stopped you, making you look up at him in worry.

♦ He was pouting, but in that way that let you know he was angry and this time it was your turn to hang your head, pure shame flooding your heart.

♦ Bubba’s big, meaty and incredibly warm hand shifted to somehow fit into yours and with annoyed grumbles he pulled you to follow him and you did, ignoring Nubbins singing about you being in trouble.

♦ The big man brought you to your shared room and lightly pushed you onto the bed, making you exhaust a small huff as you hit the springy mattress. You sat up and to your shock you found Bubba kneeling down in front of you, lips still pouting, but head forcing it’s way onto your lap with a dissatisfied whine.

♦ You immediately started stroking his head, giving him small kisses in the process, calming him down as you explained your day to him, hoping he could forgive you.

♦ And when he took his boots off and climbed on the bed with you, pulling your small frame into his strong arms, you felt your whole body soften and tears ran down your cheeks, your whole being getting pulled into the worst crying fit you’ve ever had, even as a baby.

♦ And being the sweetheart that he was, Bubba was soon joining you in your messy love confessions and needy attempts at cuddling, which just ended with you sitting up, legs wrapped around each other’s waists (which was mostly just Bubba’s body making your disappear, like a true magician) and falling into a fit of crying, kisses and mumbling.

♦ When Drayton finally came to check on you, you were both asleep, eyes red from all the crying, but grinning like damned fools even while deep in dreams, hugging as much of each other as you could.

♦ And somehow three hours later your migraine was just a thing of the past, your new found motivation leading you to stand up and make everybody a tray of cookies.

♦ They deserved it, those beautiful bastards.

#michael myers x reader #bubba sawyer x reader #slasher x reader #slashers x reader #slasher community #virgo writes #halloween #texas chainsaw massacre #bubba sawyer #michael myers #break down #I AM A DAMNED FOOL #AND THIS TOOK SO LONG BC I'VE BEEN DISTRACTED BY WONDERFUL PEOPLE #Bubba is baby ok #and mikey is bastard #angst #fluff #angst to fluff

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green-writes-sanderssides · 5 years ago

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Title: I collected all of my tears in a jar for you. Is that weird?

Pairing: Prinxiety

Warnings: Crying, anxiety, self-deprecating thoughts, hurt/comfort

______________________________________________________

Most people think Virgil isn't much of a crier. Nowadays, they wouldn't be too wrong, but he has his moments.

He cried a lot when he was a kid, more than any of the other sides combined. In fact, they rarely ever cried; Patton was almost completely sunshine and rainbows back then, Logan never had anything to cry about, and Roman told everyone he was too tough to cry. Virgil, on the other hand, was sensitive as can be and had no idea how to manage his fears.

Then, for a long while, he didn't cry at all. He, too, became "too tough to cry." But in reality, he was in an even worse state than before.

Fast forward to now, where Virgil is a mostly stable adult. Patton cries more openly, no longer repressing his feelings like a certain logical side. Roman, well… he didn't even cry at the saddest of Disney movies, as one would expect. It seemed he was just too good for tears.

Virgil's own tears came back slowly. Though he still never cried nearly as much as he did before, he allowed himself a good cry session every once in a while to get it all out. He made sure to never get caught crying around others - he'd only failed that mission once, but he couldn't complain when Patton was so understanding. He usually never felt like he needed comfort, but his touch-starved mess enjoyed the tight hugs immensely.

This one was… a new low for him. He never thought he'd be crying over something as dumb as unrequited love; then again, he never thought he'd ever be falling in love with a fellow side in the first place. But even so, it shouldn't have been something to cry about. He never needed romantic love before, no one truly does. He had some wonderful friendships now. Shouldn't that be enough?

It probably would be, but he knew the friendships he had weren’t as emotionally fulfilling as he needed them to be. Roman’s specifically left him needing more. The creative side claims to be one of Virgil’s “best pals,” but he certainly sucked at showing it. He was trying, Virgil knew he was, but he could just never be secure in Roman’s friendship. He always felt he would never be good enough for Roman.

Not platonically, and never romantically.

These tears only proved that fact. What would Roman think of him now, as he sobs into his knees like a heartbroken teenager? Would he pity his weakness, or scoff at it? How disappointed, disgusted would he be if he knew it was because Virgil was in love with him? Deep down, Logan’s voice is calling out cognitive distortions, but the fact that he was likely crying over nothing only made the tears fall faster.

And yet, he still let his stupid, broken heart fantasize. He imagined Roman wrapping his arms around him, letting the anxious side bury his face into his shoulder as he rubbed circles into his back and whispered comfort into his ear. He would kiss his head and oh-so-gently wipe away his tears with his thumb. He would probably make a joke, too, just to make Virgil laugh and oh god it hurts-

"Virgil?"

He instinctually whipped his head up at the sound of his name. It took him a few seconds to process that the princely figure standing in front of his bed was Roman, the real Roman. Virgil felt his entire body freeze in panic, eyes still spilling tears as they met with Roman’s own wide, worried eyes.

“Wha- hey, hey.” Roman walked closer, kneeling next to the pathetic lump on the bed. “What’s wrong? Do you want me to get Patton for you?”

He should have said yes, but he didn’t want Patton right now. He couldn’t bear to watch Roman walk out of his life, only to have another side see how broken he was over the prince. Patton may have experienced heartbreak over Thomas's breakups in the past, but he would never know the feeling of falling in love with a side that hated him. So instead of saying yes, he buried his head back into his knees and shook his head.

There was a pause, and Virgil had to resist the urge to peer his head back up. What was Roman thinking? He was probably trying to decide if it was okay to leave, just let Virgil deal with his outbursts on his own like he always has.

"...Do you want me to stay?"

Of course, Roman was too nice to just downright leave. He was a man of action, after all, and even if he didn't particularly like someone, he wasn't going to leave them to cry alone. Virgil didn't want that pity party, but he couldn't get himself to say no.

Please don't leave me.

Roman must have taken the lack of response as a yes, as he didn't make any move to leave. "Can I hug you, then?

"Please."

The response was immediate, Roman wrapping his arms around him ever-so-gently. Virgil couldn't help but cling onto him, burying his face into his chest and failing to hold in his sobs. It was the first time he had ever been hugged by him, and it was probably the last.

"I'm here, I'm here." The prince moved one of his hands to stroke his hair, making another sob fall out of Virgil's throat. "I got you, darling."

He was trying to be supportive, but the sting of hearing the word darling come out of his mouth was nearly unbearable. This entire situation was just unfair. The universe heard his pleas and decided to tease him with a tiny taste of what he could never have, all while he humiliates himself with his stupid crying. Roman deserved better than this mess.

With embarrassment and anxiety coursing through his veins, Virgil managed to calm himself and reluctantly escape from Roman’s warm embrace. He gave out a bitter chuckle. “Well you probably think I’m a giant baby now.”

Roman frowned at him, looking directly in his eyes (a rare occasion). “Crying doesn’t make you a baby, Virge. Err-” He suddenly looked down at his shirt, where Virgil’s face was buried into just a moment ago. “I’m more worried about this eyeshadow you got on my clothes!”

“Calm down, Princess. It washes out.” The prince wasn’t actually mad at him, despite what his anxiety said; Roman was trying to bring the mood up in the only way he knew how, and Virgil had now known him long enough to recognize and appreciate that effort.

“So…” Roman rubbed the back of his neck in awkwardness. Here we go. “You wanna tell me what’s gotten our local emo down more than usual?”

“I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“Nothing is stupid to cry about.”

Virgil couldn’t help but scoff at that. “Says the person who never cries.”

There was a moment of unexpected silence, the prince giving him a blank stare before starting to pick at his cuticles. “Well, ah, that’s not necessarily true. Um-” He lets out a sigh. It seemed he was giving up something he was reluctant to give which, at this point, was only fair. “I guess... I actually cry quite a lot.”

He gave him a skeptical raise of his brow. “You, Roman Sanders, the person no one has ever seen shed a single tear, are trying to tell me you cry a lot? I don’t think it’s unfair of me to call bullshit on that.”

“Did you forget I am an actor?” He momentarily took back on his princely persona, dramatically posing before falling back into his sheepish confession. “I’m… kind of a hypocrite, I suppose. I don’t cry in front of others. I can’t let the prince be seen in such a weak state- but it’s not true! Crying doesn’t make you weak, Virgil, and I don’t see you any differently. You’re still our resident emo scarecrow.”

The supposed “emo scarecrow” let himself give a puff of a laugh, but a question was weighing on his tongue. Asking this was risky, but Roman had just revealed a personal secret of his. He wasn’t going to let this rare moment of sincerity between them go to waste. “...Do you ever cry about love?”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that. I was just-”

“No, no, it’s fine!” Roman still looked taken aback by the question, but he blinked it away in a moment’s notice. “I mean, yes, obviously, but that’s kind of a broad topic. Like, do you mean a lack of love? Or, Thomas’s crushes, or…?”

“Like your own love life.” He said it before he realized what was even coming out of his mouth. How could he say that? His own love life? That’s not even a thing - or at least, it’s not supposed to be, but Virgil’s clearly proved that’s not exactly true, is it? “That- That was a stupid question. Ignore that.”

“Yes.”

“Wha?”

Roman shook his head with a smile. “Yes, gosh, of course I have. Have you met me?” At Virgil’s wide-eyed shock, he lets out a sigh. “I know it’s not conventional, but sometimes I can’t help but want a prince of my own. It doesn’t make sense, or it shouldn’t, but it just does, y’know? So if that’s your problem, you’re not alone in that.”

“I… yeah, that does help a bit. Thanks.” He has to shake away the voice in his head saying this gives him a chance because no, he could never love you, you already /know/ this, Virgil, but Roman really did help, to an extent. He’s still very, very pained, but at least he knows he probably isn’t a freak. “You can go now, if you want.”

“Wait.” That single word immediately spiked Virgil’s anxiety. “Do you have a crush on someone?”

“Uhh--”

Roman gasped before he even had a chance to answer. “Oh my gosh, you do! Who is it? Oh dear, is it one of Thomas’s friends? ‘Cause I’ve been there, man. Back in Thomas’s early 20’s, I had a major thing for-”

“No, no! I don’t have any feelings for Thomas’s friends, Jesus Christ!” This was just about the worst outcome that could have come from this conversation. Virgil began to fold into himself in embarrassment.

“It’s… a side, then?” The prince began stroking his chin in thought, and Virgil was 90% sure he was gonna hurl if this conversation didn’t end soon. “It’s Logan, isn’t it?”

“Wha, no! Stop trying to guess!”

“It can’t be Patton, right? Then… is it one of the dark sides? That would explain a lot, actually. Don’t worry, I won’t be mad if it is- err, I’m not sure how I would feel if it was my brother, though. It’s not my brother, right?”

“Oh my god, no! I would never like any of... the Others like that.”

“Well, you’re clearly lying about someone. C’mon, Virge, you can tell me! I won’t judge, knight’s honor!”

Virgil let out something in between a groan and a scream into his hands. His face was on fire, his stomach felt like it was about to jump out of his body, and he was just about ready to bury himself in his blankets for the next week or so. “I have no idea how you can be this stupid.”

There’s a moment of silence- actually, much longer than a moment. Virgil starts to worry he was a bit too harsh, but then he just barely hears Roman mutter a soft oh, and he repeats exactly what he just said in his head.

Oh. Oh no.

He feels the entire world around him break as he tenses up, hiding his face further into his curled up form. Everywhere, from the bed to his own body, is now bursting into flames, and he can’t know what face Roman is giving him right now because he knows and the world is ending.

“Virgil, is it me?” He doesn’t answer; he can’t answer, as his throat has now closed up, melted together by the flames. Roman’s voice is so soft and careful in the madness around him, but he can’t help but imagine the look of disgust he must have. Or pity. He’s not sure which one’s worse. There’s a hand on his shoulder, both cooling him and burning him further.

“Virgil, please, please look at me.”

He does. He wouldn’t have lifted his head if it weren’t for the heavy tone in Roman’s voice, one that sounded suspiciously like crying, and one look was enough to confirm his suspicions. The prince’s eyes were visibly glossy, only a few blinks away from spilling tears, and he was smiling.

Virgil felt another break, but a completely different kind.

“It’s me.” he doesn’t ask this time. He says it with full confidence, letting out an exasperated laugh. “That means I’m not the only stupid one here, then.”

“I…” Though his throat was no longer burning, he couldn’t find another word. Not when Roman was looking at him like that, and not when he was pretty sure he was about to start crying again.

Roman was hugging him. He didn’t know when that started happening, but he hugged back this time, properly wrapping his arms around him instead of clinging onto him.

“I’ve cried so many tears for you, Virgil.” He repeated Roman’s words a thousand times in his head, desperately holding onto that tone he had never dreamed would be directed towards him. “After all the things I’ve done to hurt you, after how much we used to hate each other, I never thought I’d ever be forgiven, much less loved.” He sniffed and moved to hold Virgil’s face in his hand ever-so-gently, still smiling brightly with tears falling from his cheeks. “But it didn’t matter. Because all I wanted was to love you.”

“I-I, uh… Same.”

Roman immediately started giggling at Virgil’s response, and while he should have been rightfully embarrassed, he couldn’t help but start giggling himself, letting the embarrassment fly away with the beautiful sound of Roman’s laugh.

Their laughs and tears would drive them to sleep, holding each other throughout the night without a second thought. And in the morning, they would talk until there were no more words to speak. They would agree to take things slow, to thicken the spots of thin ice they still walk upon until they were sure neither of them would fall. And if the fall turned out inevitable, then the other would catch them before it’s too late.

And they would cry. And they would agree to cry more, to be 100% themselves while staying vulnerable. Because despite what they might have thought, even the bravest of knights and most handsome princes shed a tear when the night falls.

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Notes: Something I completely forgot to mention in this story is that Virgil accidentally summoned Roman and didn’t realize it.

Hope you liked it! Reblogs > Likes

#sanders sides #prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #ts fic #thomas sanders

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noona-clock · 5 years ago

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Indefinitely - Part 3

Genre: Dystopia!AU

Pairing: Jaebum x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: Mentions of death, some emotional angst

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 | Words: 2,608

“I think our best bet is to just stay here,” Jaebum stated. He then turned his head to face Youngjae, who was still trying to get the fire started in the fireplace. “If that’s all right with you.”

“Yes, absolutely,” Youngjae assured you, nodding.

You had to admit: you were incredibly relieved. Staying in one place was much more preferable than traveling around and being a nomad, not knowing where you were going to sleep that night, wandering mindlessly with no destination in mind.

“The power will probably go out sometime soon,” Jaebum continued. “We should focus on eating everything in the fridge and freezer in the next couple of days. We’ll be fine here as long as we have running water.”

Your brow furrowed slightly, and you grabbed the pillow next to you on the couch. “What about when we don’t?” you asked as you hugged the pillow to your chest.

Jaebum just shrugged. “I guess we’ll leave.”

You opened your mouth to ask where you would go, but Jaebum, apparently, knew exactly what you were going to say.

“I don’t know where we’ll go, but we have plenty of time to figure that out. ...Hopefully. I’ll keep thinking about it.”

“Yeah, same,” Youngjae murmured as he stood and headed over to his own couch-bed, the fire now just peeking out from underneath the logs.

“Me, too,” you agreed.

Jaebum’s eyes darted between you and Youngjae, his brows raised. “So, we’re all good with that plan?”

You nodded, and Youngjae answered with a soft ‘yes.’

“Great,” Jaebum said under his breath. He stood from the chair and asked Youngjae if there were any books he could read, and when Youngjae directed him to the front room down the hall, he nodded his thanks and headed out.

As you heard the soft thud of Jaebum’s footsteps retreating, you let out a soft sigh and hugged the pillow even closer to your chest.

“So...” Youngjae began gently. “What’s your story?”

Well, since he told you his, you figured it was only fair to reciprocate.

“My parents got sick a couple of days ago,” you said, focusing your gaze on the edge of the pillow you were holding. “And they told me to leave today right before they... I mean, I shouldn’t have stayed with them, right?”

“No,” Youngjae assured you without hesitation.

“I would’ve had to get them downstairs and out to the backyard and then I would’ve had to bury them and --” Your throat was incredibly tight with emotion now, and the tears were beginning to blur your vision. “-- and I don’t know if I could’ve done that. Even if I was strong enough to physically... I don’t think I’m strong enough emotionally.”

“Of course, not. Me neither,” Youngjae agreed, though you figured he was just trying to make you feel better.

You shifted your gaze to look at him as the tears began to slide down your cheeks. “But maybe I should have stayed. They’re gone by now, I know that. But they were still alive when I left. Shouldn’t I have at least been with them when they died?”

Before you could say anything else, Youngjae stood from his couch and shuffled over to you. He sat down and put a hand on your back, moving it up to squeeze your shoulder.

“You said they told you to leave, right?” he asked.

You nodded, trying to control your sobs as best as you could.

“So, that’s what they wanted. They didn’t want to put you through that - being there with them when they died. You would’ve had to leave anyway, but it would have been much harder for you to go if you’d waited for them to die. Trust me.”

“I know,” you choked as you reached up to wipe your eyes. “You’re right. I’m sor --”

Jaebum entered the living room then, and he paused briefly when he noticed your current situation.

Unsurprisingly, he didn’t say anything. He simply drummed his fingers against the book he’d picked out and made his way over to his armchair.

Well.

Not that you expected him to comfort you, but maybe a ‘Are you okay?’ would have been nice.

And now that he was sitting down to read, you felt awkward continuing on with your conversation... so, you whispered to Youngjae that you were exhausted and should get some sleep.

Youngjae squeezed your shoulder once more and stood, going back to his couch-bed to settle in for the night.

You laid down on your own couch, and once you’d gotten under the blanket and pulled it up to your chin, you called out quietly, “Good night.”

“Night,” Youngjae replied.

...And silence.

Nothing from Jaebum.

Shocker.

You’d been trying to go to sleep for four hours now.

Four hours of closing your eyes, breathing deeply, rolling onto your side, your stomach, your back... and nothing. Not one minute of sleep.

By the sounds of it, both Youngjae and Jaebum had achieved what you couldn’t tonight. You were jealous, but you were also glad -- now you could slip off the couch, wrap your blanket around you, and make a quick but silent exit through the back door.

The air was crisp, and even though it was incredibly dark out, you were still able to find a bench on Youngjae’s back porch where you could sit. A soft groan escaped your lips as you sat, and when you leaned back against the hard surface of the bench, your head instinctively tilted up toward the sky.

“Oh, wow,” you breathed. Since it was so dark, the stars in the night sky were brighter than you’d ever seen them, and it seemed like there were millions of them.

And they made you feel even smaller and more insignificant than ever.

So, obviously, your eyes filled with tears for probably the sixteenth time today.

You wanted to say that you’d been holding it together for most of the day, but that just wasn’t true. You’d cried as you were leaving your house, you’d cried in the car, you’d cried several hours earlier when talking to Youngjae, you were crying now. And not just silent tears gracefully sliding down your cheeks -- no. Full-on sobs. Red, puffy eyes. Runny nose. The kind of crying that makes your head hurt after a while.

But you’d never experienced loss like this before. Your grandmother had died when you were much younger, but you’d hardly known her. She’d lived hours away, and you’d only met her a few times. You’d been sad, of course, and you’d felt terrible for your dad who’d lost his mother... but looking back, you’d had no idea the kind of pain he’d been going through.

Your parents had always been there for you, supporting you no matter what. They’d loved you and cherished you and raised you to be the person you are today. Without them... did you really even know who you truly were?

It kind of felt like you didn’t. You felt lost without them, like you had no idea where to go or what to do or how to think... or even how to live. This may sound dramatic, but your life just felt... kind of... meaningless now.

You had to wonder how Jaebum was holding up so well. He’d lost his parents, too. The two of you were in the exact same situation, and yet, you hadn’t seen him shed a single tear. He was exhibiting the strength you wish you had, moving on and getting things done and putting the past behind him.

You couldn’t do that yet. You couldn’t let go of what your life had been just a few days ago. You couldn’t, and you didn’t want to.

The creak of the back door opening interrupted your thoughts, but you were too tightly wrapped in your blanket (and too lost in your emotions) to turn around and see who it was.

More likely than not, it was Youngjae.

But, to your surprise, when someone sat down on the bench next to you and asked, “Are you okay?” the voice was Jaebum’s.

It’s funny because that’s what you’d wanted him to ask earlier. When he’d come in the room while you were crying to Youngjae, you’d wanted him to ask if you were okay, but he hadn’t. He hadn’t said a word.

And now that he had asked you, you didn’t feel triumphant. Or relieved. Or annoyed. You felt...

Well, it was a simple question, and right now you had a simple answer.

“No,” you choked out, shaking your head. “No, I’m not okay.” You leaned forward to rest an elbow on your knees, and you buried your face in your hand so you could continue on sobbing.

You heard Jaebum let out a soft sigh, and he said, “Yeah... me neither.”

You finally looked over at him, your brow furrowing in confusion. “But... you don’t seem like you’re not okay.”

“Like you said earlier,” he murmured. “People grieve differently.”

Yes, that was true. You had said that earlier, and people did grieve differently. So, you just tipped your head in a tiny nod before burying your face in your hand again. You were too caught up in your own emotions to think about how Jaebum might be grieving, but you knew one day -- soon -- you should probably ask him.

You let yourself cry for another minute or two, and then you came up for air. You leaned back against the bench, your shoulder brushing against Jaebum’s.

“I just...” you said weakly. “I want to go home. I know I can’t, but everything just happened so quickly. It’s a lot to get used to it, and it’s just -- it’s hard. I’m sorry for crying so much, and I’ll try not to --”

“No,” Jaebum interrupted. “It’s okay. Sorry if I’ve made you feel like you can’t. It just... makes me uncomfortable because there’s nothing I can do.”

Well, you couldn’t blame him for that.

“Cry as much as you need to,” he continued. “Do... you want to be alone?”

You shook your head, surprised to find that you actually did feel better with someone sitting by your side. Someone who knew what you were going through.

“Okay,” he whispered before settling back against the bench.

And then you heard the rustle of your blanket as he moved against it. You felt a hand come to rest hesitantly on your back. You felt him pat you gently a few times.

It was the tiniest gesture. Literally the very least another person could do to comfort someone. A pat on the back.

But coming from Jaebum? You felt like you’d just won the reassurance lottery.

He pulled his hand back after the few pats, but you still took it as an invitation to lean against him and rest your head on his shoulder. You felt him tense just a little bit. He didn’t put his arm around you, but honestly, you didn’t care. This was what you needed. You needed a literal shoulder to cry on, and if Jaebum didn’t want to be that for you right now, he shouldn’t have come out here.

But he didn’t move as you continued crying. He had tensed a little, but he didn’t move or push you away. He simply sat there. He let you cry.

You weren’t even sure how much time passed -- if you had to guess, you would say probably twenty minutes. Your eyes were finally dry, and the sharp pain in your head was throbbing from all the emotion you’d let out.

When you slowly lifted your head from Jaebum’s shoulder, he raised his eyebrows and glanced over at you.

“Better?”

You were about to nod, but... you realized you still had something on your mind. Something kind of big and really scary.

So, you shook your head.

“What if...” you started, your voice shaky and tentative. “What if one of us gets sick?”

Jaebum’s eyebrows shot halfway up his forehead. “Sick as in --”

You nodded.

“Well, we know it’s not contagious,” he murmured.

“Yeah, but that also means we don’t know how people catch it.”

“...True.”

You gazed over at him with a deeply furrowed, worried forehead. What if he got sick? What if Youngjae got sick? What if you got sick? What if you all got sick and died?!

Well, if that happened, there would be nothing to worry about anymore, I guess.

But, still.

You know what I mean.

“Well...” Jaebum sighed. “If that happens... I don’t know. We’ll deal with it if we have to.”

You really didn’t like the sound of that, but you knew you really had no other option. Nobody knew how the disease spread. There was no way to stop it. There was nothing you could to do to plan for it.

So, you just nodded.

Jaebum let out another sigh and repeated his question from earlier. “Better now?”

You nodded again. For now, at least, you felt better. After getting out all the tears you could and getting that ominous question off of your mind.

“You need sleep,” he murmured, standing up. You waited for him to turn and offer you his hand to help you up... but he didn’t. He just slipped his hands into his pockets and stood there.

The guy had already patted your back and let you cry on his shoulder, though, so expecting him to hold your hand was a bit much.

You pushed yourself off the bench, wrapping your blanket more tightly around you. When Jaebum headed toward the back door, you shuffled behind him.

And then a random thought popped into your head. “Hey,” you whispered. “Did you notice how bright the stars are?”

Jaebum paused, tilting his head to look up at the sky.

You weren’t sure if you were just imagining it, but you could’ve sworn you saw a tiny smile tug at one corner of Jaebum’s mouth.

“Oh, yeah,” he muttered. “Look at that. I saw an Astronomy book in the bookshelf earlier, I’ll have to grab it and do some stargazing.”

And now a tiny smile was tugging at one corner of your mouth. “That sounds nice.”

You didn’t want to invite yourself, but it did sound nice.

Jaebum simply nodded and then looked back to Earth, continuing the path to the back door.

When he reached it, he opened it quietly for you, allowing you to shuffle inside first.

“Get some sleep,” he whispered as you passed by.

“You, too,” you whispered back, and you saw yet another tiny smile tug at one corner of Jaebum’s mouth.

As you headed over to your couch-bed, preparing to settle in again, you knew you couldn’t classify your relationship with Jaebum as friendly just yet. Things had certainly -- probably -- taken a step in that direction, but you would be foolish to think the two of you were friends.

And if you were going to be living in the same house for however long you still had running water, you did not want to make a fool out of yourself.

Honestly, though, you didn’t feel like you needed to be friends with Jaebum. At least, not yet. Did you want to be? Would it be nice to be friends? Of course. But right now, you needed to focus on yourself. You needed to focus on working through everything and getting to a place where you felt like you could actually function normally on a day-to-day basis.

And you had no idea how long that would take.

Part 4

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