#guess what i read for the first time in the year of our lord 2023

[nedlittle]

it drives me bonkers the way people don't know how to read classic books in context anymore. i just read a review of the picture of dorian gray that said "it pains me that the homosexual subtext is just that, a subtext, rather than a fully explored part of the narrative." and now i fully want to put my head through a table. first of all, we are so lucky in the 21st century to have an entire category of books that are able to loudly and lovingly declare their queerness that we've become blind to the idea that queerness can exist in a different language than our contemporary mode of communication. second it IS a fully explored part of the narrative! dorian gray IS a textually queer story, even removed from the context of its writing. it's the story of toxic queer relationships and attraction and dangerous scandals and the intertwining of late 19th century "uranianism" and misogyny. second of all, i'm sorry that oscar wilde didn't include 15k words of graphic gay sex with ao3-style tags in his 1890 novel that was literally used to convict him of indecent behaviour. get well soon, i guess...

[tinamaetales]

Heaven-seated, undefeated, highest of names

For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world but that the world through Him might be saved John 3:17

The name of a man that I have been familiar with ever since I was young is Jesus. He is a man with numerous titles: Prince of Peace, Son of God, Son of Man, Emmanuel, Messiah, Bridegroom, Bread of life, Good Shepherd, Lamb of God, True Vine, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Alpha and Omega, the Way, Truth and Life to name a few. I know Him and have heard His name almost all the time. From our house, neighborhood, school, market, grocery, mall, and of course, in churches, Jesus’ name is the name I heard about all the time; He is everywhere. I guess I have learned His name first before I even know the names of my parents or relatives or even my own full government name. Jesus’ name has been a part of my life ever since I was young although I gotta admit that hearing His name is not always because it is being used to praise Him but more of an expression by some. Nonetheless, Jesus has always been a man I am familiar with. As a kid who grew up in a dominantly Catholic society, my first encounter with Jesus is seeing the crucifixion in the Church. And then, I studied in Catholic schools so there is always one subject we are required to take that is dedicated to studying His teachings, especially the parables. As a kid, those stories were fun to me. Those stories are wholesome and filled with lessons. Then as I grew older and gained more life experiences, Jesus became not just a character from the book but someone whom I started forming a relationship with. I developed my faith. Then comes tragedy after tragedy in life that ended up with me running away from Him; like the prodigal son who left his father’s home because I simply know better. What was once a relationship with God through His son Jesus became just a memory from the past as I live my life on my own terms. And then, like the shepherd who left the 99 sheep to find the one lost sheep, Jesus found me at my lowest low. No, I did not find God in Church, He found me at home when my life has lost all its meaning and purpose. It’s as if I was rescued after years of living inside a cave. 

The last quarter of 2023 came with an unexpected plot twist as I discovered this show called “The Chosen” The show became a way for me to come home to God. Long story short, the show helped me find my way back to God and I even bought my own Bible as a Christmas gift to myself. I started my 2024 reading the Bible in a “chronological” order which is something I have never done before. Actually, I feel like I only ever read the New Testament and just know some stories from the Old Testament. Anyway, re-reading the New Testament feels different this time. For now I am reading it for the purpose of getting to know Jesus more instead of it being just a school requirement. The Jesus that I read here is the kind of Jesus that makes you feel at home instead of intimidated and scared. Jesus is truly the way, the truth and the life. I never imagined my relationship with God would ever be fixed if it were not for Jesus. It is through Him that I realized that no one is ever truly far from God or too damaged to be redeemed. After all, He came to this world to bring salvation. He showed us what a real relationship with God is.

The New Testament has 27 books and I would love to discuss all of them but for this blogpost alone, I will only focus on the four books of gospel. I will be sharing some of my reflection through 7 topics:

Fishers of Men (Matthew 4:19, Matthew 9:13, Mark 1:17, Luke 5:8, John 1:35-51)

One of the earliest images/photos of Jesus that I know of was the painting of The Last Supper by Leonardo Da Vinci. In most FIlipino households, that painting is usually displayed at the dining table (up until now, I really do not know why). What makes this painting fascinating to me is the kind of people Jesus was dining with. The painting showed the artist’s own interpretation of the Last Supper which is a significant event in Jesus’s earthly ministry. I have noticed the 12 men or the apostles as they are called and it made me wonder why among all the humans on the planet, Jesus chose those 12 men. Another question I have is why did Jesus even have apostles when He is more than capable of doing things on His own? In schools, there is a ranking system in which the top students who have the highest grades get awards or recognitions. In pageants, there is top 15, top 10, top 3. In the Olympics, the best three athletes get awarded with gold, silver, and bronze. But with Jesus, his chosen 12 are not the best or the most popular among the lot . His chosen 12 were simple human beings - four of them are fishermen, one is a tax collector, and another one is a zealot. 

I raised two questions in the beginning of this topic, and I found the answer to the 2nd one while re-watching The Chosen: Of course, if God wanted to, Jesus can do it alone because He is the Son of God after all. But in choosing the 12 apostles, God is telling us that we are being invited to participate in His kingdom. This is a touching way of telling us that we all have a purpose and such is what I needed to hear especially in times when I feel empty and worthless. With Jesus choosing men from different walks of life is an assurance that everyone is welcome in the Kingdom of God. Come as you are, as the famous saying goes. However, deciding to follow Jesus does not stop there. Like what Jesus said, “Go and sin no more” When we come home to God, we must also surrender our old lives and take up the cross and follow Jesus. Just like how Peter, Andrew, James and John left their jobs as fishermen and followed Jesus. Or, the best example is Matthew the tax collector. He is already living well by having a secured job but when Jesus called him, he left that life behind and entered the life of discipleship. If we look at this in the perspective of today’s generation, it can be difficult to comprehend. But the apostles proved and gave meaning to the words surrender and faith. Those are the very words I also find difficult to live by. And I guess, I found my answer to the first question - God does not call the qualified, but He qualifies the called.

Physician, heal thyself 

In Matthew 11:2-6, John the Baptist sent his followers to Jesus to ask “Are you the One who is to come or should we wait for someone else?” in which Jesus replied with “Go tell John what you hear and see: the blind can see, the crippled can walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the poor have the gospel preached to them. And blessed is he who does not take offense at me” When Jesus was doing His earthly ministry, he had done many things, signs and miracles, which have shown that He is the Son of God. He is the “physician” who came to heal the sick. There were many signs and miracles stated in the New Testament but I will only be discussing some of them:

Calming the storm (Matthew 8:23-27)

This is one of my favorite Jesus miracles from the bible because it was short and simple but also direct in showing us that Jesus is both 100% human and 100% divine. Jesus was sleeping in the boat when they encountered a storm at the sea. The disciples were scared so they woke him up. Jesus told the storm to “be still” and nature obeyed Him. This short story showed how Jesus is truly the Son of God for even nature obeys Him. I saw myself in the disciples for I am like that most of the time - in constant fear and panic that I almost forgot  that I have Jesus in my life and if I only allow my faith to be bigger than my fears then I should always remember that my God can calm even the strongest storms.

2. Healing the bleeding woman (Mark 5:25-34)

This is one of the miracles that will always make me emotional because of how much I can relate to the woman who was healed. For someone who has always been sick since I was a child, it is tiring to always be in the hospital. The amount of tests I have to undergo and the amount of medicines I have to take, my body feels exhausted and my mental health is also affected. Being sick is not just physically exhausting but also emotionally and mentally draining. And in the midst of one's battle with illness, a small sign of hope can change you. Just like the woman who has been bleeding for years and immediately found hope when she heard about Jesus, my family, especially my mother, have held onto that hope in Jesus during my sick years. I lost count of the number of “miraculous” churches we have visited and the number of novenas we have prayed for just so I can be healed every time I was admitted to the hospital. The woman who bled for years had the faith that even by just touching Jesus’ cloak she will be healed and that kind of faith she has was so strong that when she reached out to touch the cloak of Jesus, she was instantly healed. Jesus acknowledged her faith as well “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction” (Mark 5:34). This story meant a lot to me because I experienced being hopeless and felt like there is no solution anymore but when I reached out my hand to God, despite me being too far from Him for many years, He answered me. I aspire to always have a strong faith like this woman. Truly, when we feel like we are hanging by a thread, we must make sure it is at the hem of His garment.

3. Ten Lepers (Luke 17:11-19)

This miracle of Jesus showed a lesson as well, this time about gratitude. There were ten lepers who begged for healing and when they were healed, only one came back and thanked Jesus. This showed us that most of the time, the prayer of asking is louder than the prayer of thanksgiving. 

I have lost count of the number of times I asked God to have mercy on me. There are times when my prayers are answered with a “no” which often made me feel bad but there are more times when I received a “yes” to my prayers and I remember how I do not always thank God for it. The thing about me is I am often ungrateful. It is just so hard to be grateful when I feel like I am not getting what I truly deserve so coming across this miracle of Jesus was a great reminder to me to always be grateful. I aspire to be like the Samaritan who took the time to come back to Jesus to thank Him. I hope that in every obstacle I overcome, I am reminded that it was not me but it was through His grace that I came through.

4. Centurion’s Servant (Matthew 8:5-13)

In catholic mass, we often utter the words from Matthew 8:8 “Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof, but only say the word and my servant will be healed” before communion. I resonate a lot with the words “I am not worthy” because just like the centurion, I felt like that most of the time. In fact, one of the reasons why it took me so long to come home to God is because I felt so unworthy of Him. I have done a lot of things that make me feel like I am in no way deserving of God’s grace and mercy but then, who am I to say that? Who am I to decide that? I feel like my pride is the one that holds me back from fixing my relationship with God so the story of the centurion is a great realization for me to act with humility and recognize that God knows what is best. Another thing I admire is the centurion’s faith in believing that even if Jesus is not in his house, he can still heal the servant. Thus, “Only say the word” I aspire to have that kind of faith.

5. Jesus drives out demon (Mark 9:14-29)

Jesus, during His earthly ministry, has casted out demons a lot of times but the one I will be discussing in this blog post is when He casted out the demon from a young boy. Jesus’ ability of casting out demons is a strong indication that He is truly the son of God. Jesus casting out demons just shows that the good will always defeat evil. Another reason why I specifically included this is the verse Mark 9:24 when the boy’s father said “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief” I relate to those words because there are times when I find myself doubting God specially in my most difficult moments. I often find myself telling/begging God to end my misery if He can. I mean, I do believe in Him, I believe that He exists and is real but sometimes I lack the faith to fully trust Him because life is just too much for me to handle. Believing is different from being faithful for the latter includes surrendering and fully allowing and trusting God that He is in control. I often find myself in conflict with my faith in God but through Jesus I am slowly learning how to overcome my unbelief and may He continue to help me work on it.

6. Paralytic from the roof (Luke 5:17-26)

This is one of the famous stories of Jesus healing because this is when He said “Your sins are forgiven” which establishes His authority to forgive sins. While this story’s focus is on Jesus forgiving the paralytic and healing him, it is also important to see how this story presented two different sets of people, the Pharisees and the friends of the paralytic. These two groups are an interesting point of discussion for they present the different views of people when it comes to Jesus, the critics and the believers. The Pharisees came to Jesus with closed hearts and are just waiting for a single move or word that they can accuse of Him while the friends of the paralytic went to Jesus with the faith that He can cure their friend. It would be such a blessing to have people in your life who will pray for you and want you to get closer to God like the friends of the paralytic.

7. Raising Lazarus (John 11:1-45)

For me, out of all the miracles Jesus has done to show His love, mercy and grace to humans, the most grand of it all is the raising of Lazarus from the dead. While it was not the first time and also not the only time He brought back life to the dead, the whole of John 11:1-45 has presented us more than the miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead. It was told that when Lazarus was severely ill, his sisters sent word to Jesus to inform Him of the situation but instead of immediately going to Bethany to heal Lazarus, he stayed where He was and waited. He came to Bethany four days later when Lazarus was already dead. Despite their grief, both Martha and Mary remained faithful and instead told Jesus that if He was there, Lazarus would have been healed. Although they are hurting, they remained strong in their faith and Jesus grieved with them. That situation showed that sometimes God allows us to experience pain and loss but He is there for us. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand why we need to experience heartbreak. I personally have my moments of getting angry at God for not intervening and just allowing the world to make me suffer. It is difficult to remain with God when you feel like you lost everything, including Him. I often forget that even in pain, God is there. Just like how Jesus grieved with and provided comfort to Martha and Mary, He is also hurting and grieving with me. Sometimes, these heartbreaks happen because God has bigger plans. For Martha and Mary, Jesus showed that resurrection is the gift that can only come from Him. He is the life that overcomes death. In John 11:25-26, Jesus tells us that physical death is of this world but being with Christ means that not even death can defeat us for He has conquered it.

Loaves and Fishes (Matthew 14:13-21, Mark 6:31-44, Luke 9:12-17, John 6:1-14)

One of the things in life that always puts me on the edge is not having assurance. I hate not knowing if a certain thing is possible. I hate being unprepared. There were countless times when I experienced being in the dead end and it always sent me to a downward spiral. Everytime I feel “cornered” by challenges, I often find myself asking this question “Have I not had enough?” But looking at it now, I realize that in all those moments of hopelessness or dead end, somehow I always manage to survive; it was as if God always provides, God always saves me. I remember the times when my salary was not enough for us to survive the month, then all of a sudden, a certain incentive was given to us. Or the time when we really need money for my sister’s school requirements then suddenly a generous relative would send money. Or the time I was so hungry but the money I have is only enough for my transportation fare and then a supervisor would randomly treat the entire office to dinner. The most recent one was when my sister and I were feeling down that we cannot attend our favorite band’s concert because we cannot afford the tickets. The day before the concert we ended up winning two VIP tickets. In the moments when I felt like the game was over, God came in clutch and saved/won the game for me. Those moments reminded me of the miracle Jesus performed which was said to be one of the only two miracles to be recorded in all four books of the gospel - The feeding of the 5,000. With only five loaves of bread and two fish, Jesus was able to feed 5,000. This miracle showed that God will always provide no matter the circumstances or the resources. But the story did not only show us that God can do the impossible thing but also showed us the humanity in His apostles, specifically Philip and Andrew. His apostles just came back from their own mission in which they were given authority to do the things Jesus can do such as healing the sick and casting out demons and yet here they are doubting the situation. When Jesus told them to not send the people away and instead feed them, Philip replied “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite” and when Andrew found a boy who offered five barley loaves and two fish he said “But how far will they go among so many?” Those two apostles' worries represent me everytime I face difficulties. Most of the time it is difficult to just leave everything in God’s hands because the human in me finds it hard to understand how one can get out of rock bottom without a solid plan. And I guess that is where I was wrong; I was looking at the situation based on the available or the limited resources I have instead of putting my faith in God and knowing that if I leave it to Him, then He will deliver. Believing in God is one thing and having faith in God is another.

Ears to Hear 

Jesus has said the phrase “He who has ears to hear, let him hear” more than once in the Bible. It was usually said after he told a parable (Parable of the sower) and at first I thought it only meant “those who want to hear something will listen” but I guess it was more than that. The purpose of Jesus’ parables is to provide understanding to those who are willing to be with Him. The parables are a creative way of informing us about God’s kingdom as well as teaching us important life lessons so those who have “ears to hear” will hear God’s words or in short, those who are willing to accept Jesus as the messiah can listen to the parables and understand the message while those who have not accepted Him, cannot seek the truth as these parables will be too difficult to comprehend. When I was in elementary and studying in a Catholic school, I always looked forward to our “parable of the week” discussion because I love how Jesus tells analogy through these stories and it helped me become interested in knowing Him more.  So as I was re-introducing myself to Jesus, these parables also reminded me of the past when I was so invested in knowing Jesus. These parables were a reminder that I was once a little girl who loved Jesus and trusts Him a lot. I just find it a bit saddening that right now I was far from that little girl because of the things I have experienced in my life which left me broken and traumatized. I hope that this era of rediscovering God will be a fruitful one because I do not want to be far from God again. 

I loved all the parables but I will only be discussing some of them:

Workers in the vineyard (Matthew 20:1-16)

When I first encountered this parable, my initial reaction was that the owner was unfair that he paid all workers the same wage when they did not work the same amount of hours. But then, I also realized that the workers themselves agreed to the wages. What this parable showed us is God’s mercy is available to all, His love and grace is inclusive; everyone is provided the opportunity to become part of His kingdom regardless of their past which reminded me of what Jesus said that there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents (Luke 15:10) and also when Jesus showed mercy to the repentant thief at the cross. It is easy for us to judge others, especially those with “dirty” pasts when they suddenly became “one of us.” But then, who are we to gatekeep Jesus? Who are we to decide who we want in our Church? Who are we to act unwelcoming of others? Everyone can be given mercy and forgiveness regardless of who they are or used to be because God’s love is abundant and His grace is available to all.

2. Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30-37)

The commandment “Love your neighbor as yourself” was a difficult one but Jesus always shows us that it can be done. As a flawed human, it is difficult to actually love my fellow humans because some people are just so difficult to deal with. I guess I’m not the only one who feels some kind of indifference towards others. Ngl, I’m a bit judgy. It’s just that it is hard to be accepting or welcoming of people who are different from you. But Jesus taught us a valuable lesson through this parable. The other people who passed by the injured man could have helped but they did not. It was only when a Samaritan passed by that the man received help. The Samaritan did not only help him with his wounds but also went the extra mile of ensuring that he had a place to stay while recovering; the Samaritan paid for the man’s lodging and even informed the innkeeper that he will pay for any extra cost once he returned. It was not the Samaritan’s duty to help the injured man, but he was compassionate enough to do so. This parable showed us that as children of God, we must aspire to be like Jesus whose love, mercy, grace and compassion is extended to all and that every person we encounter is our neighbor. The parable showed us that our prejudice towards our neighbors are making us divided which in turn makes us dismissive. We should all learn how to move past the differences and remember that we are all the same despite the differences in background, appearance, financial status, or residence. We should not be selective in showing compassion and help.

3. Counting the Cost (Luke 14:28-33)

I know I am not the only Christian who struggle with understanding what Jesus said in Matthew 16:24 when He said “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” After the life changing “coming home to God” I experienced in late 2023, I was faced with the question “What does it take to become a disciple?” and Jesus has an answer to that but it was my own mind who cannot fully comprehend what it means to take up the cross; I don’t know if I’m just not smart enough to easily understand things or it was my pride. I guess I got it wrong before, choosing to walk with Jesus does not mean you will only experience good things. Actually, I feel like the more I try to work on being closer to God, the stronger the evil forces I am dealing with because my 2024 is filled with so many challenges. But just like what Jesus said in this parable, when you intend to do something you must count the cost first. If I really want to make this relationship with God work, I should be more determined in listening and following God’s words and fully understand what it means to be a follower of Jesus. In short, surrender. If being with God means giving up the earthly desires, the desires which lead me to sins, then it means I finally understood His message. The cost of following Jesus means to fully surrender and put all of your faith in Him. 

4. New Cloth and wineskin (Mark 2:21-22)

There are two points made from this short parable - first, Jesus’ new way is the right way and second, Jesus established a new covenant. This parable showed a simple analogy  - you cannot put a new fabric as a way to patch up or fix an old cloth the same way that you cannot use an old wineskin when storing new wine for it will lead to ruin. It was a great analogy to inform us that the old practices or rituals can be left behind in the past for the new covenant has arrived through Jesus. Jesus emphasized that the grace of God is extended to everyone because God is graceful and merciful not because people are religiously practicing rituals. Because Jesus was sent to free us from sin, the Son of Man removed the curtain that separates God and humanity. Therefore, our focus should not be on the perfect practices of various rituals but in living a life that focuses on mercy and compassion. I relate this to the message of Jesus in Matthew 23:23 during His woes to the pharisees, which emphasizes that it is useless to religiously follow rituals when the heart is full of greed.

5. Persistent widow and crooked judge (Luke 18:2-8)

This is one of my favorite parables because Jesus’ analogy of the persistent widow’s actions with the importance of consistent prayer is simple yet effective. Often when I pray and feel like God is not responding, I tend to lose faith and just abandon what I was praying for. It was difficult for me to understand God’s timing because I was so used to living in a world filled with due dates and deadlines. It was so easy for me to make everything have a timeline. But this parable is a reminder to us about the importance of prayer and how God listens to us and He answers us - although sometimes not in the way we want Him to. The crooked judge in the parable only gave in to the widow’s request so that he cannot be bothered anymore but Jesus reminded us in Luke 18:7-8, “And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” I hope I can learn to fully trust God with my life and learn how to pray with faith - not just pray when I have time to spare.

6. Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:10-14)

This parable is a great reminder of humility. Comparison, sometimes, is the reason why a person is either miserable or too full of themselves. One of the reasons why I stay away from the Church are the fellow church goers who feel as if they are above everyone else. It sucks being judged by those people because in a way you will feel unworthy of God because you are not like them. Tbh, those overly religious people have turned more people away from God instead of welcoming them to the church (yes, it is my religious trauma speaking). Last year, I found myself in the same position as the tax collector. I found myself being ashamed of who I am and yet I prayed to God. It was a small step but I found myself approaching God and asking for His mercy and did not bring up or dare to compare myself to others - it was just about how sorry I was for being away for so long. It was not an easy road and I still find myself a bit conflicted as I walk with God, but the fact that I found the guts to come back is just proof that God’s grace is abundant as He extended it to me.

7. Rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31)

I often find myself questioning God why I seem to be living a life of punishment yet people who are more horrible than me seem to be living a good life. Why are those people living comfortably? Why am I struggling to get by when I committed no crime? Those are my usual questions. But then, there comes this parable which became a reminder that earthly riches, at the end of the day, do not matter to God. It is not about the amount of money you made or the amount of properties you owned or the amount of awards you achieved that matters to God but how you lived your life and what is in your heart. If you spend your life in riches but have not done anything to help the needy and lived a Godly life, then what’s the point? This parable made me remember the verse Mark 8:36 “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” Truly, when death comes to us, we cannot bring all the riches of the world. Eternal life is only found in God.

Woe to you, Pharisees (Matthew 23)

I came across this statement while browsing through social media that says “If the Jesus you have met has not changed your life, you have not met Jesus you met religion” and it is crazy how I agreed to that. One of the reasons why I walked away from God aside from my personal struggles are the religious people. I find it ironic that these people are the ones who end up driving people away from God and the Church when they are supposed to bring people closer to God. These overly-religious people who love to see everyone’s fault but cannot see their own have driven more people away from God. It is crazy how Jesus called out the religious leaders during His time on Earth yet these so-called followers of Him in the present are doing the very same things. I, myself, have experienced interacting with these “religious people” and they can get really annoying to deal with. Most of them are my relatives by the way. It was exhausting having to deal with these people, it felt like torment. There are even cases when they decide to kick people out of the Church because of disagreements which are contradictory to what Jesus has preached. If Jesus welcomed the sick and the sinners then why are these so called christians have become more known for their hate instead of love? Hence, the saying “there is no love like Christian hate”

As I was watching The Chosen (sorry, but I will always mention this show), I came across this episode from season 4 in which Jesus confronted the pharisees; the scene was their on-screen adaptation of Matthew chapter 23 or the 7 woes of Jesus. I was unfamiliar  with this event so after I watched the episode, I opened my bible and read it. This ended up being one of my favorite Jesus moments because it showed that standing up to the oppressive rule or to the authorities is something that we should not avoid especially when they are doing too much wrong. Jesus calling them blind guides was meant as a wake up call for them to realize that they are not truly doing God’s works. These same people cannot practice what they preach because they are more concerned about traditions, appearances, tithes and other earthly things while totally neglecting the more important things like justice, mercy, faithfulness and compassion. They have become exclusive instead of inclusive; instead of drawing people closer to God, they are the first ones to close the doors. Jesus was sent to this world to save it so He showed what a real relationship with God is all about and not what religion should be. I just find it disheartening that centuries later, these “christians” are very focused on “religious practices” while allowing their hearts to be filled with hate. How can one claim to be a Christian and fail to practice what Jesus has preached?

Jesus wept (John 11:35)

John 11:35 is the shortest verse in the bible but it is the most comforting verse for me. This verse became a source of comfort because it gave me an assurance that in my times of pain and anguish, God understood because Jesus knew the feeling of it. For someone who was used to bottling up emotions, crying has always been something I try so hard to avoid. I hate it when tears stream down my face so I learned pretty early in life to hold it in and I lived like that for years. I just do not want to confirm that I am weak hence the reluctance to cry. But coming across this verse, and knowing the context, I found a different kind of comfort. If Jesus himself who is 100% God and 100% human acknowledged grief and pain, then I should also allow myself to acknowledge my feelings. With every tear that streams down my face and every pain in the chest that I feel, it is comforting to know that Jesus understands. I also like to correlate this verse with another bible verse that I find so much comfort in which is Matthew 11:28 which says “Come to me you weary and heavy-ladened and I will give you rest”

The bread of life (John 6:35)

Jesus has said “I am” statements 7 times in the bible and one of the statements which became “controversial” is when He said in John 6:35 “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty” for it was a strong statement that He is essential and the skeptical people of His time cannot accept it. It was also stated that after His declaration of being the bread of life, many of His disciples have left. If we take this statement literally, then we will really find it difficult to understand what Jesus meant in John 6:53-56 “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them.” because that is not what Jesus meant. What he meant was unless we surrender our life to Him and let go of the earthly desires we have, then we will never be close to God. We often have this assumption that being religious means God will always reward us but that is not the case because after all, the kingdom of God is not of this world. I gotta admit I was also guilty of that assumption before. I thought that once you became a part of the church, then you start receiving abundance of blessings and miracles or in short, I made my relationship with God to be “transactional” I described it as transactional because before I made it seem like if I pray a lot or if I always attend mass then God will bless me but that is not the case. I was expecting my relationship with God to be filled with earthly things because I thought that is how it should work so it was not a surprise when I encountered a lot of heart breaks and challenges that I ended up turning away from Him. I had the nerve to get mad and tell God the words “after all the prayers I did and mass I attended, this is how you repay me?” and that was so wrong of me to do. You see, I had it all wrong before so I ran away from God like the prodigal son. But it was God’s mercy and grace that brought me back and it was through His only begotten son Jesus. The way I came home to God in late 2023 is a testament of how Jesus is truly the bread of life. My life felt so meaningless and dark during those times that I was far from God but when Jesus found me at my lowest moment, I felt alive. Now, I am slowly relearning what it means to be a follower of Christ. It was difficult at first but in fully surrendering and opening my heart to the words and teachings of Jesus, I find it to be a meaningful journey. I do not want to be ever separated from Jesus again. He is the only Way to God.

As I mentioned before, the New Testament is not foreign to me unlike the Old Testament but re-reading it now that I am older and have more experience in life (both good and bad alike), I find myself being surprised at how I got some things wrong before. It was one thing to be “faithful” to God when things in your life are doing well but it was a different kind of being “faithful” to God when things are going downward spiral and I realized and understand it now. The true meaning of faith is holding on to God’s promises and remaining in Him despite being thrown in the middle of the storm and Jesus has shown me that through Him, I can handle anything that life throws at me. Jesus is truly the Son of God who was sent to this world to save us. He has shown us signs and miracles as a way of showing us that God’s grace and mercy is available to all, He has invited us to be a part of His ministry, He has told us valuable life lessons through His parables, He has shown us what a real relationship with God should be, and He has acknowledged our pain and grieved with us. I cannot imagine life without Jesus. I hope that as a follower of Jesus, I can be an instrument of showing others that God’s mercy and grace is available to all and we are all welcome in His kingdom. I hope I can be the kind of Christian that can bring more people to God instead of pushing them away. I hope that my faith in God will always be strong. And I hope that this time I finally know what it means to fully surrender and put all my trust in Him.

X,

TinaMae

PS, it took me so long to finish writing this because I have a lot of things going on in my life. This will not be the last time I will be sharing about my thoughts on the bible. I will keep on re-reading the bible and if I have the time to write, I will share my thoughts about them. I hope I can write various articles here like discussion of the books of wisdom and the letters of Paul. 

[kylermalloy]

Hi hello sorry for spamming ur notifs sndndnd i have a question for you! Are you just into elijah and klaus (and rebekah too??) or do u go crazy for all the mikaelsons? If u dont whats the main appeal of elijah and klaus for you! Im very glad to have found ppl who are also Insane™ about the mikaelsons in the year of our lord 2023 and its really fun seeing ur takes on things and reading ur work! Hope u have a good day/night uwu

Hi hi hi never apologize for spamming! How else would we express our passion for the things we love? ❤️

Klaus and Elijah are definitely my favorites out of all the Mikaelsons, but I do love Rebekah a lot too! Freya, Finn, and Kol are further down the list, in that order. I love my murder children, but I’m not their mother—I’m not obligated to love them all equally!

I think the main appeal of Klaus and Elijah for me is simply their intensity. They’re the first originals we meet in tvd, and before we even see them together onscreen we can tell they have a fraught, complicated history—yet there’s love there too.

The flashbacks to the 15th century as they prepare to sacrifice Katherine? Klaus laughing about their silly ploys throughout history, while Elijah gazes lovingly over his shoulder? Bliss. I swoon. And the scene in present day, after Klaus has broken the curse and has just transformed back into a human? Elijah, the previous night (or however long ago) was prepared to kill him. Had his hand in his heart and everything. Yet now here he is, helping Klaus dress like some kind of butler—someone who’s been there for him like this time and again.

I go similarly insane about the flashbacks to the 1920s, in which Klaus has to explicitly tell the audience that Rebekah is his sister and not, you know, his girlfriend. But they do undercut this slightly with Rebekah immediately jumping on Stefan and, while I approve, climb that ripper tree, it does take away from her psychotic, erotic bond with Klaus.

And that’s just in tvd! That’s only setting the stage for TO! In TO, Klaus and Elijah’s bond is ramped up to main character status. Elijah is simultaneously Klaus’s brother-associate, his overbearing, cautioning father figure, and the lover with whom he has frequent spats and reconciliations. Klaus is having a baby? No, Elijah says, we’re having a baby! And inserts himself into this pregnancy situation with Hayley, and no one questions it.

(Klaus and Rebekah’s relationship also gets some amazing moments in s1 of TO, and for the first time Rebekah and Elijah’s relationship gets to shine too! But alas, after some of the best episodes of the entire show—episodes 1x14-16—Rebekah departs, so we get to see less of her with her siblings, and Klelijah continues to take center stage.)

I could detail every single thing I love about Klelijah’s relationship, their ups and downs, their tragedy and their comedy—and I might come back later and add on, if I feel like it!—but yeah, that’s my draw to these two. Canon is so generous with them, and I simply go crazy for it!

Not to mention—the actors’ chemistry had a huge hand in all this. They bounce off each other so well, and their mannerisms are so different yet both so old at the same time. You really believe they’ve known each other for a thousand years, and any fight that they have is mere window dressing to the centuries they’ve stood shoulder to shoulder.

And not only that! But! (⚠️Spoilers for the end of TO, if anyone still cares about that⚠️) The show rewards me and lets them die together. Klaus makes the ultimate sacrifice for his daughter, and Elijah’s like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess I’ll die too, and follows him into oblivion for no other reason than he wanted to. Ah yes, a very normal brotherly relationship. (I’m going FERAL just thinking about it again!)

Truly I have not been normal about them since 2018, and that doesn’t look to be changing anytime soon. I will keep repeating myself in posts like these until…either the whole world understands the brilliance of TO, or until I die. Whichever comes first.

[29daffodils]

9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better

Augghh I love these games! thank you for tagging me Mickey 🥺🌸(@thisautistic)

3 Ships You Like :

1. Yohan/Moogyeong from The Shape of Your Love (manhwa by Park Nodeok)

this is my ultimate OTP. i never had OTPs before them. they'll be my rise and fall. but yeah, anyway. they. my boys.

2. Vegas/Pete from KinnPorsche The Series

they had me by the throat even before i knew kpts existed and just, well. then i watched kpts and found them and they were everything i hoped for and more. a lot of it is also because vegas and i are very much alike without the mass murder aspect 😂

3. Alan/Gaipa from Moonlight Chicken

listen, MLC is like, the best thing i've watched in a while and alangaipa gave me what i had been craving since yohan/moogyeong c. 2019 : a small rare/ghost ship with barely any screentime but that hooked people in worldwide. firstkhao's acting was just bonus. alangaipa represent everything that i want from my own life. i couldn't not love them.

First Ship Ever :

Kanata/Miyu from Da!Da!Da!

oh, these two. i was head over heels in love with them. i shipped them even when i didn't know that shipping existed or what it meant, when we didn't even have anime on TV besides the broadcast on SONY at 5pm sometimes. i just wanted them in love and happy and raising a kid together. ugh i miss them.

Last Song You Heard :

The Moon Represents My Heart, by the Moonlight Chicken cast! God do I love this song so much! It fits all the ships so well! The lyrics are gold! (I also recently found that this is a cover of the OG by Teresa Teng and that's even more beautiful??)

(also, this has been helping me visualize and write a lot of sand/ray, surprisingly enough.)

Favorite Childhood Book :

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

ahhh, well, this is embarassing. i didn't have a favourite book until adulthood actually. and it's my only favourite (as in something i've read time and again). i don't think i'll ever find another book like this one. this is it for me. nothing can ever top this. (yes, I'm very picky about my favourites lmao)

Currently Reading :

i found out this fic exists because of twitter discourse lmao, and I'm not even a dramione fan, i'll probably never read another work, but goddamn, the writing was stellar. lived up to all that hype. good stuff. (I'm almost at the end so wish me luck!)

Currently Watching :

Our Dining Table

no offence to those who love this, i loved the manga when i read it years ago, but lord was i bored to death even on the second trial at watching this lol. I'm soldiering on though, i'll get through this!

Currently Consuming :

Thai BLs

uhh... not sure what answer this demands actually, so, uhhh... lots of thai BL i guess? that's really what i've been consuming lately. i had never watched thai BLs before KPTS in 2023 so it's eye opening, they've gotten better ( i tried once before , quite a while back when a friend recommended, and i found it ridiculous so i never thought i'd actually ever watch any again lol, mostly because i never was a fan of live action BL dramas in general)

Currently Craving :

💵💵💵💵

well, i'll be honest here, money is vital and that's what I'm craving lol, i gotta feed myself and my cats and pay a 50k laptop repair bill that my company thrust on me even though it's not my fault it's damaged. anyway, essentially I'm experiencing financial doom among other unfortunate events, so here's your chance to commission a fic or donate at my KOFI so...... haha.

alright, this was super fun! I'm tagging @skyfish7 @semantics-error @justfionn @boyslovecorner @peachym00 @lilitblaukatz @ae-azile

(please feel free to ignore if you're feeling up to it!)

[reginarubie]

I guess that's how an extremely good fic overdose feels like. After reading three chapters in a row I can't keep calm! I mean, that's the level of intrigue D&D could never keep. Such a rollercoaster 💥

If I had to wait to know how this proposal situation ends, I'd literally be no less desperate than Aemond. Thankfully, I found out our girl is safe very soon. Symon, I don't know you but don't be interested in Sansa? There's already to much tension, ahhh. Lord and Lady Vance are amazing, I already love them and I really hope they are just playing their parts in a play Sansa wrote, while staying on the greens side!

Of course, Aemond, she knew. SHE DESIGNED IT. I get it — the Prince is offended, especially after they agreed to work together. But as soon as he chills, he may understand what was her plan about and appreciate this brilliant mind! You're gonna get the smartest wife, Aemond, don't worry. And with time, I don't doubt it, you'll kick Daemon's ass. Some things demand more effort and preparation. Sansa already fooled both Daemon and Rhae and now they think they have the upper hand. Isn't this the best outcome for now? MOREOVER NOW NED IS NOT A LOWBORN AND SHE'S PROTECTED BY THE THIRD PARTY. The girl is a genius.

Though I can help but feel Jonsa tent vibes during the Firesteel fight scene. It was all 🔥🔥🔥 and oh gods, our girl is going full Jon Snow, since she doesn't want to explain anything and asks Aemond to unconditionally trust her. And Aemond basically mirrors s8 Sansa, which I find very meaningful 👀

It was nice meeting Sara and the vision got me screaming! THE DAGGER? OMG? I'm thrilled and excited and puzzled and... Broome has visions too?? Am I mistaken? This keeps getting better and better, and I can get enough 🥺

Ciao Anne!,

This is the way to start the new year! And yes, I know you left it in my ask box before 2023 if I recall correctly, still… 🤩🤩🤩 thank you for so many compliments!

Lord and lady Vance have their reasons to help Sansa, but boy will she gain their love 😉 also, Symon… dear Symon… you’re gonna be a nice lad, aren’t you?

You put it in the right light, Aemond has his reasons as does Sansa. Sansa’s plan is not without flaws or weak points, and Aemond just wants to help — Season8 Jon and Sansa reversal indeed — I think Aemond point was not much what Sansa’s plan was but that he wasn’t included in a plot that could potentially endanger her without him being none the wiser so unable to help when they agreed to work together.

He’s not questioning Sansa’ intelligence, or the cleverness of her plan. He is questioning the matter of trust between them which is prominent in their relationship due the many lies and unsaid between them.

Don’t worry you’ll get more soon, I promise! As soon as I work around reading your firesteel fic I’ll put my mind to finish the next chapter which, a word of warning, will be pretty long and we’ll see many characters and people and plots at the same time because I need to speed the process before actually starting the Dance — so Viserys sleep well for your days are numbered — and also the first sidestory will be up with next chapter as well…so be ready for that too!

Also with some more Targaryen children content.

Also yes, Sara-the-dagger-the-vision and ser Broome. I put so many hints in last chapter I almost lost count and keep foreshadowing how the entire series will end so 😂😂😂 … yeah keep your eyes open, because you’ll get much more of all of that!

A small excerpt of next chapter (just because we all need to fall in love with Daeron— that is my agenda)

“I do not need to be minded” she hissed between clattering teeth. I am the lady of Winterfell and I am home, I do not need to be minded! “No one said you did,” and for the first time Daeron did remind her of Aemond “but we want to keep you safe anyway”

As always thank you for dropping by! Sending all my love ~G.

[clood]

on this day of me making all of the posts, i opened up east of eden to remember i had stopped on this specific page to talk briefly about the following paragraph:

“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be human. One would be a monster.”

this is from john steinbeck’s east of eden, published in 1952.

in reading these lines for the first time i felt so disappointed and alienated, and then for a moment i was like, “oh well. this was published in the 50s!”

the trouble is, the sentiment toward asexual folks and asexuality still remains largely the same: we are told we are not normal, we are weird, some might even go so far as steinbeck did and call us inhuman. and shit like this hurts!! whether you see it in a book by an author you love or on your dash in the year of our lord 2023.

to my fellow ace friends, we’re fine just the way we are. we’re wonderful, even!!

idk why i’m really even making this post but like. i had to stop and read the paragraph out loud and process it and feel it, so i guess you do too??? support your ace and aro friends.

[artikgato]

10/15/2023

Well, it was raining yesterday, so I didn't go out for the jogwalk. I did today, though! It took me until like 10:30 but I did do it!

I was also up until nearly 1am last night...reading a fanfic. A Slayers fanfic. A 60+ chapter Slayers fanfic, currently unfinished, in the year of our lord twenty twenty-three. I have no excuses. I make it a policy to almost never read unfinished fanfics, for one. I also knew exactly what I was getting into when I saw the chapter count and just shrugged and went YOLO I guess?

Okay, so it all started with Anime Weekend Atlanta announced, less than a month out from their con by the way, a whole slew of new guest announcements. The schedule is out now and it's less than two weeks to the con so I think they're done doing that now, but I digress. They announced Veronica Taylor as a guest. Well, years ago I already had the honor of meeting her and getting her to sign my VHS copy of Pokémon The First movie, so I don't necessarily need her autograph on any more Pokémon stuff. But of course she's in plenty of other things, including Slayers, which is one of my absolute favorite media franchises, period. So naturally I have to get her to sign for Amelia! And Lisa Ortiz, the voice of Lina, will be a guest at a convention I'm going to in March, so I can get her to sign, too! Fantastic!

And then, because I haven't really thought about Slayers in a long time, my brain went I should cosplay from Slayers again. I've been wanting to for a while. I cosplayed Filia (from TRY) waaaaaaaaaaaay back in the day, maybe I could remake her? (I do still want to do that, FYI, talk about obscure characters though am I right?) Or despite being so tall, I've always liked Lina's character design, she'd be great. I can probably pull that off before Khromakon in March, but absolutely not before AWA. But do you know who I could pull off before AWA?

Yeah, so I actually cosplayed Xelloss all the way back in high school. I never wore him to a convention, and it was a very bad cosplay. Technically, my first cosplay. (Technically, because my actual first cosplay was a very, very very bad closet cosplay of emperor Hotohori from Fushigi Yuugi the year prior, my junior year of high school. Our high school banned Halloween costumes but a gaggle of my stupid friends and I decided to see if we could get away with just wearing regular clothes but clearly being in cosplay. So I was Hotohori, a friend braided her hair and was Duo Maxwell, etc. etc.)

Anyway, my aunt made the cloak for me, and I still have it all these years later. The rest of the cosplay would be easy, because of how skilled I am now. I can 100% do this cosplay in time for AWA, and it'll be fun! He's a pretty recognizable character from a classic anime, so while I'm sure The Kids won't recognize me, I'll get at least a few people excited to find someone else that remembers Slayers. And hey, I already cosplayed one evil purple-haired anime prettyboy this year (Okada Izou) so why not two?

So anyway, I made a deal with myself. I would go to no more than three thrift stores after work one day and see if I could find a yellow turtleneck. If I could, I would proceed with the costume. If I didn't, oh well, it's not like I don't have a closet full of cosplays to wear. And wouldn't you know it, I found the turtleneck at the third Goodwill. So I ordered a wig, and now I just need to do a few minor alterations and possibly make the staff.

And so, with Xelloss Metallium now fully on my brain, I remembered that, oh yeah, Xelloss/Filia was one of the OTPs for me back in the day. One of the very first ships I got really, really invested in. And I wondered if, in the fifteen or so years since the least time I probably looked, any good new Xel/Fil fics had been written. I mean, the last time I was really invested in the ship, Evolution-R and Revolution hadn't even come out yet! A03 didn't exist yet! What was the harm of taking just a little, tiny peak at A03, right?

And that's how I ended up binge reading a 60+ Slayers fanfiction, in the year of our Lord Of Nightmares 2023. I'm not even done reading, but I've got shit to do today!

Time: 21:41 Weather: 63, sunny Humidity: 60% Song of the Day: Ghost, Mystery Skulls

[invisiblegarters]

Dangerous Romance Ep 3

Episode Three Let's Goooo.

Oh wow Sailom is way more forgiving than I'd be over the whole gun incident. And the bullying.

But yes, I am fond of how money is informing a lot of these interactions. I hope they deal with it well, because the financial disparity between Sailom and Kang is large and it's informed so many of their interactions already. If they're gonna do this I want them to go hard.

Oh Sailom. I do love that he has his pride and he refuses to budge on it.

Called it. I knew Kang was gonna develop a hero complex about Sailom. We'll see how long it lasts.

Lol he is not going to read any of those. Not a one.

"Why is he here if he had no intention of studying?" Sailom honey you're smarter than this.

Damn, dad is super good at just cutting Kang's intelligence down without even breaking a sweat. And once again we get to see it land and a piece of his soul die. Perth is so good at that.

*cackles* Thank you Auto. I approve of Sailom kissing Kang every time he's annoying too.

Wait are we still talking about math why did it suddenly get tense in here?

SAILOM why are you softening this early. Stop it.

Oh okay good. I was starting to worry he'd forgotten how badly Kang bullied him since he's being decent all of the sudden. Like fine, great, he's letting you tutor him now. But don't forget what an asshat he was before yet please.

Man first Sand now you. I am disappointed, my dudes. Yes they're pretty but they're not *that* pretty. Yeesh.

Lol okay yes this checks out. The casual way that Kang drags Sailom into a restaurant way too rich for his blood. I knew he'd be high handed about it, too. I do love being right.

Okay would Sailom not knowing how to cut his steak really be normal? Not ever having it, fine, but not knowing how to cut it? Genuinely asking because I don't know.

Man I am way more suspicious than Sailom already because when Kang said he was going to the restroom my first thought was that he was going to ditch Sailom there.

Why is everything so happy and peppy what show is this? I feel like I started out in an enemies to lovers BL and then got dropped into a completely different genre this ep.

IDK every time they eat street food in one of these it always looks so good to me.

And now we're doing a spot of light trauma dumping in ep three.

Wait did he say handsome boy or Asian boy? Either way, gross. And aw, Sailom, I saw the way your eyeballs flickered at that money. I know escorting comes into play at some point, too. And then a wild Kang appears with his saving Sailom thing.

Ah okay for a sec I though we were doing the strategic hand placement kind of kissing in the year of our lord 2023, but it was on purpose. Makes sense because I was *wondering* how they were gonna make that happen this ep lol.

Damn dad, you didn't even wait for him to do well on his midterms.

I do like the bike though.

WHY. Put that guitar down now.

Hahaha okay I still love this dude. "Here's the cake for you from your fridge," lol. Why is that so hilarious to me.

*starts humming Father Figure by George Michael*

So I guess they're friends now? Okay then.

Okay there has to be something with this constant bathroom using. Like. Is he in there throwing up after eating or what?

Ah and we have surprise nice!Kang backstory. Okay, okay. And then mom died?

Alrighty then. I have to admit that I was hoping for a bit more antagonism or like, acknowledgment from Sailom that Kang literally got him fired from his job but I guess we're just not doing that.

That's fine. I will continue to be suspicious for the both of us.

[anntmaan]

Dear Twin flame,

I still remember our first ever conversation. I remember having the biggest crush on you and thought to myself one night. I have to message this girl and try my luck. And so I took the courage to send you a Snapchat asking “anyone up for a chat” as if it was a Snapchat I sent to a whole heap of people but really it was just for you. Not knowing if I was gonna get left on seen or not you responded quite quickly with a Snapchat of your brother Jack being Jack when you were down visiting him in the Sunny Coast. We just started going back and forth all night that night, and I was so happy. Days go by. We’re still talking. Weeks went by. We’re still talking. I’ve fallen in the deep pits of love. I tell myself every night before bed. “My god, I love this girl” to myself every night. I all of a sudden knew what love was, and I was counting my blessings every night thanking the lord for sending me an angel. We’re dating now and I know what I want in my life for the rest of it, it’s as if you were part of me. I know at this point. That this is the girl I’m going to grow with. I only got a few months with you but my god were they the best few months I’ve ever gotten to experience.

It’s a few months in of you being posted to Perth in the Navy. You don’t talk to me for a few days (which you’ve never done) I sit and ponder on my thoughts knowing something is off in my heart. My heart was weighing on me and I felt nauseous that day. You finally message me. You tell me that we can no longer be. I can’t believe what I’m reading and my heart breaks into a million pieces. But I accepted it and never said a bad thing about your decision and I knew and understood the reason why we couldn’t be together. Right person wrong time situation and I thought the universe was cruel for doing that to me. I was broken. A year goes by and I’m a raging alcoholic at 18 who’s going to parties and clubs and writing myself off. I slowly heal. Another year goes by and I’ll never forget when you started posting about another guy. Definitely a tough to swallow pill but I accepted it. I meet Kiera and we clicked. I felt a spark in my heart again and I fall in love with her. We live together and we’re so happy. But I always still had so much love for you and I felt confused as to how I could love two girls. But I guess that’s the difference between a soul mate and a twin flame.

A few years go by, me and Kiera are falling out of love, she doesn’t approve of you in my life but I can’t let you go. I think the relationship started spiralling down slowly because she knew I still loved you. She ends up calling it off with me and I’m broken. I found that all I could think about during the period of heartache was you. I slowly heal again and I get to a healthy stage in life again and I knew what I needed. I’m ready for you but I find out there’s another man. I’m hurt but it’s okay, I learn to accept it because seeing you happy would make me happy and I knew in my soul that one day our souls would unite again because I know in my heart that nothing can interfere with true love. It’s 2023 now and this year you confess your love for me still. I confess mine. I now find myself getting lost in my thoughts many times through the days and nights thinking about you. I make up scenarios in my head of you. I can’t help my thoughts and when I listen to love songs my mind drifts away and I think about making love with you. I go to bed every night and think about how nice it would be to have you laying beside me. I think about holding your hand every day. I go for drives and I think of you sitting in the passenger. Oh how nice it would be to cook dinners together while sipping on wine and dancing around the kitchen together. Going out for dinners together. Going to the movies holding hands and eating popcorn. Going for late night drives together listening to love songs. Going for adventures into nature together. Having lazy days with the cats in bed. Doing life with you. Oh how nice it would be. My gut tells me you’re the one and that someday we will be together again and I’m a big believer in what’s meant to be will be. If my soul tells me you’re the one. Then you’re the one. Nothing can interfere with true love and especially the twin flame love.

I love you. I love your face. You have the most beautiful face ever. You’re art and I could sit and look at you forever. I love your eyes and I get lost in them every time you stare into mine, they’re angelic. I love your hair and the smell of you, I wanna always hold you and kiss you on the neck and whisper “I love you” into your ear. I love your voice and every time you talk to me I can’t help but to glance at your lips and think about caressing my lips onto yours ever so gently. The worst punishment is only being allowed a long hug but not too long because like you said, that’s suspicious. We’re both respectable and loyal people so we respect the boundaries as you’re not ready yet. But I know what I need in life and I know nothing can stop what’s meant to be and when I held your hand the other night to clean paint off them. I wanted to hold them forever. Holding your hand made my soul feel like it was breathing into yours. You’re special and one day we’ll be together again and finally unite our twin flame souls together. I will wait for you x

With love, Ant 🫶🏽

[youhideastar]

Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks: 🎙️, 💫 & 💝

Yay, thank you for asking! Ask game post is here.

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

This is not an interesting answer, because I feel like everyone would say the same, but... the longer and more detailed, the better! The readers who basically live-tweet their response to the fic bring me so much joy. But there's also a special place in my heart for the folks who take the time to let me know that a story resonated with their personal experiences, or changed the way they see or approach something in their own life. There's a song by Gaslight Anthem that gets at a lot of why I write in the first place: "I know there's someone out there feeling just like I feel / I know they're waiting up; I know they're waiting to heal." And when I know that I achieved that... that's a great comment to get.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

I've been doing this for almost 15 years, and by now I've generally got a good sense of what kind of response a fic is going to get, based on fandom, length, pairing, subject matter, etc. But I was pleasantly surprised by the positive response to A Sword With No Hilt. That fic is heavy, and the summary is vague because I was trying to avoid spoilers, and it's omega LWJ, which automatically shrinks the audience because in the Year of Our Lord 2023 some slash fans still care so much whose dick goes where (joke's on them re: this particular fic, though), so I was expecting it would enter the water without a splash, as it were... but people liked it! And the comments I got were really wonderful - readers really got that fic, you know? They picked up on the sweetness and the healing that grows from underneath all that pain. That made me so happy. ❤️

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

True confessions: I do not listen to podfic, or audio fiction of any kind. My fiction reading style includes so much bouncing around the page that I find it super uncomfortable to consume fiction in the linear way that audio demands. So I guess I'll say I wish someone would podfic The Words in Your Head because I think it would be fun for them! (Lots of different accents and voices, fun lines to deliver, and the stage-direction-y narrative notes lend themselves to audio, I think.)

[seasononesam]

Spn ask...

Question 1: who are your 4 fav characters?

Question 2: If you had to erase one of these characters from the show (all their episodes disappeared), who would you choose?

answering another ask that is like ... at least a year old SORRY ANON if you're still around thank you for indulging me in my desire to talk abt the cw's supernatural in the year of our lord 2023.

my 4 fave characters are extremely basic choices so sorry to anyone expecting me to have better taste. but they are sam (ofc), eileen, cas, and dean. I also love kevin, jack, charlie and rowena a lot I KNOW the ask was four but this show has so many characters I always feel like I'm not including someone!

I had to read this question a few times bc at first I thought you were asking what character out of all the characters in the show I would erase and I wrote a long tangent about apocalypse world but I think you mean I have to pick one of my faves? which is much harder smh :( I guess I'd have to say eileen, even though I love her so much it is only bc you can't really erase sam, dean, or cas without getting rid the entire show or the majority of it lmao. which honestly might not be a bad thing, maybe I'd just keep the eileen episodes?

[megaboy335]

Weekly Anime and Manga Log [06/11/2023]

This was a quiet week overall. I read the new volumes of Komi Can’t Communicate and Call of the Night. My goal is to catch up to Viz’s simulpub chapters later this year when the gap is closed. I finished the most recent Conan volume on the Viz Manga app. There was a new series from Jump+ this week. Next week starts a round of 2 new series from Jump. Mashle likely ends for 1 slot, and the other slot is a good question right now. Discussion and spoilers for the following titles below: One Piece 1086 Blue Box 104 Nue’s Exorcist 5 Cipher Academy 27 Marriagetoxin 50 Magilumiere Co. Ltd. 73 Demon Lord Exchange!! 1 [NEW] Pokemon Horizons Ep.10

One Piece 1086 This chapter concludes the second half of the Reverie arc with a few major reveals. We first learned the names of all the elders, which has been a long time coming especially given that we found out about Saturn several months ago. Secondly, we saw the leader of the Holy Knights and the Figarland family. This name was first revealed in Film Red because Shanks belongs to that family too. Overall the mid-arc intermission was longer than I expected for sure. Its cool to get all the background to why characters are where they are right now, but at the same time the Reverie was 5 years ago. It feels like we should have already known everything about how it resolved. We haven’t seen Luffy since March. One Piece will be on break on a month while Oda recovers from Eye Surgery. Hopefully it’ll go well for him! Blue Box 104: Well folks it actually happened. Taiki confessed at the end of last chapter and.... Chinatsu successfully heard it. She took a moment collect her thoughts and responded in the affirmative. Taiki and Chinatsu are going to be going out now. This is where a typical Jump rom-com would be ending because the love triangle is over and the main couple is going out. However, this very much feels like the mid-point in the story. I hope they don’t keep it a secret from their friends if the series continues. It would be really interesting to see how they balance their sports and love life. Chinatsu and Taiki still haven’t won anything notable in their respective sports yet either. I’d like to think we’re simply moving into a new phase of the story. Nue’s Exorcist 5: My goal is never to be overly negative if I can help it, but I also want to share some thoughts on Nue’s Exorcist. When the one shot was published last year I thought it looked promising. It had striking art and enough personality to make want to see more. Well now we’re 5 chapters into the serialization and its been an endless string of disappointment. Nue is a boring character outside of her design and the male mc literally no reason to exist in this story. In the first chapter they had to use the same flashback panel 4 times to get you to care. There’s also an exorcist character who I can’t figure what her purpose is because the story can’t define any character traits. The art striking from the one shot is largely gone. Not a single spread page yet. Jump usually likes to have an exorcist series around at all times, and this one is the weakest in recent memory. It’s surprised that someone is approving such bland chapters. Tokyo Demon Bride Story had personality despite its mostly unoriginal concept. Sorry Jump, this series is a miss. Cipher Academy 27: Coming off the heels of Tayun’s overwhelming win last chapter, we enter the second match of this code battle. This time staring the bandage girl Shutan. The theme of the game is a password guessing battle where everyone needs to be on the same page about the correct response expect for the enemy “spy”. Using Jojo examples and a character speaking upside down are both very Nisio things. I was actually able to understand the punchline of this code match for once. It relies on Japanese having multiple ways for people to refer to themselves in the first person. Next chapter promises a 2v2 match to speed things up. Just maybe our class can walk with a clean sweep of victories.  Marriagetoxin 50 I figured now would be a good opportunity to discuss this series since its been licensed by Viz and reached 50 chapters this week. Marriagetoxin is about an assassin named Goro who is looking to find a marriage partner. Throughout the series he meets many potential partners and helps them in some way. After a battle heavy arc that culminated in the classic shonen mc power up moment, the newest arc comes back to the series roots. Goro’s family will never allow him to be happy. It would go against the traditions this family of poison users is built upon. I think the art and direction are both fantastic. Its the kind of series that’s entertaining to read with some heartfelt character arcs. I just don’t think it has a lot of depth for week to week discussion. Anyhow, I think the story is in a good place right now. A lot of manga serializations tend to feel better about fleshing our their characters at about the 1 year mark. Magilumiere Co. Ltd. 73 Similarly, Magilumiere was also licensed by Viz this week. Its an adult magical girl series where this is a full fledged job profession. Think Symphogear but they do this for a living. The story focuses on corporate big business vs. start-ups and Regulation vs. Deregulation of technological innovations. I wouldn’t call this a mature title by any means, but the business commentary can be interesting. The current arc is versus a man made Kai that was planted to show the public how dangerous they are. The enemy is looking to deregulate magic technology by scaring the public. While our main characters argue that regulations are a necessary tool to keep peace and stability. At the core of this battle is a rivalry where a girl in a rival company has to overcome her long held mentality that she is nothing more than a tool for her company. I enjoy the series for being a different take on magical girls that is more than a kids show while not being mature and edgy like the late night anime versions of the genre. Demon Lord Exchange!! 1 [NEW] Let me start by saying I’m that into stories of RPG style parties beating the Demon Lord. I find them to be very often uninspired and too close to video game logic. But, I’ll always give everything Jump+ publishes a try. The spin for this series is the Demon Lord is bored and instead of killing the hero’s party he offers to switch souls with the heroine character. The Demon Lord wants to experience the human realm for a year to get a different view on life. I didn’t find the premise nor its characters that interesting. It might have some funny moments here and there with the almighty Demon Lord reacting to mundane things he’s never seen before, but overall I am pretty sure this series won’t be for me. Surprisingly its not perverted for the time being. The artist does a good job capturing the sense of scale for both the size of the creatures, and the wider world near the last page I plan to give it a few more chapters to see what happens before making a final decision about whether to follow it or not. Pokemon Horizons Ep.10 This week was the long awaited debut of Nemona from the SV games. She is the exact same down to the mannerisms and constant desire to battle everyone she comes across. Nemona is also voiced by the amazing Eri Kitamura. The plot of this episode was meeting the grass gym leader Brassius to find out what he knows about the shiny Terra Rayquaza. They helped him overcome an artistic slump and Roy battled him. I was somewhat surprised to see Roy lose (I was worried for a moment that he might display Ash behavior). That likely means Roy might re-battle him later or possibly Riko takes a turn. Nemona was mostly here to add commentary and nudge the story more into the gym leader route from SV. Regardless, they’re off on a mini adventure to the nearby forest to investigate the information they learned. It seems we’ll be in Paldea for a little bit based on the upcoming episode titles. 

[alexjcrowley]

Severitus Headcanons, I guess (pt. 2)

Quick introduction: this is the second part of a post written more than a year ago when I was stressed for am exam because, guess what, I am now stressed for an exam. Here's the last post

As you'll also find in that post, here's the disclaimer, more or less modified.

Obviously I don't support the terf bitch, the only reason why in the year of our Lord 2023 I am writing something like this is because fantasizing about yet another fictional father-son relationship to make up for the one I lack takes the edge off my stress for exams and...well, other stuff.

I don't give a flying fuck about the Snape discourse, I don't care if he is good, bad, or in the middle, I did not write this to be accurate to the books I haven't read or the movies I hardly remember, I wrote this because it's comforting to me. So if you are personally offended by Severitus as a concept or Snape in general, don't make me part of your grudge, because I don't care for it. There are better ways to spend your time rather than insult me.

As I've made patently clear, I don't know Harry Potter that well, so if there are inaccuracies, I'm sorry. I linked my last post because these headcanons take place in the same "universe" as my last post, so you may want to read that too.

Let's begin.

Snape only uses his Legilimens ability on Harry to win at cards.

Harry only learned Occlumency to stop losing at cards (it may or may not have been Snape's purpose from the start).

"Do you have...a seven?"

"No luck. Now stop trying to get inside my head, literally."

"...you're getting better at this."

"Cards or Occlumency? I bet they go hand in hand."

"Shut up."

The hardest thing to adapt to when Harry starts Hogwarts is new boundaries. Harry and Snape have to pretend they don't know eachothers. Especially with Harry being a Gryffindor, Snape can't even use the excuse is looking out for a little Slytherin. But the necessity to protect The Boy Who Lived from all dangers hidden at Hogwarts (and the urge to look out after Harry who has a special ability in putting himself in trouble) is too strong to ignore. So now everybody thinks Snape is just really weird about Harry, he never lets him out of his sight, he is almost following him around and also they fight a lot in class. Honestly it's a bit weird to see a thirty-something years old professor have beef with an 11-year-old, but nobody dares to bring it up to Snape, they're scared of him, alright?

So the whole...turning down Draco's friendship is real pickle. Like, yes, being close to Draco, who is Lucius's son, is a bad idea because Lucius can't find out Snape is working for Dumbledore and Harry literally lives with him but also purposefully antagonize Draco Malfoy? On your first day? That's simply suicidal.

"Why did you have to be so...stubborn with him?"

"Me? I'm the stubborn one? He insulted Ron!"

"Whom you had known for 2 hours then!"

"Well, I only needed to know Draco for five minutes to understand he was a bully and I am not friend with bullies."

Snape wants to reply but he is stunned for a moment. That's an admirable stance for an 11 years old. Merlin, if someone told me years ago I'd hear this coming from James Potter's son...

"It wasn't the worst decision you could have made. That was Draco Malfoy. His father, Lucius, is...a dangerous wizard. Not accepting his friendship will certainly breeds problems, but you could have hardly afford the scrutiny you would have been submitted by such proximity to the Malfoy family. You'd need to be a far more cunning Slytherin to avoid giving yourself away while making...friends with Draco, and you're a foolishly impulsive Griffindor, as we've witnessed today."

"Even if it was bad choice, I wouldn't have turned my back to Ron."

"I am well aware of that, Harry, but would you be so kind to let me believe in all the years I've brought you up I instilled some sort of Slytherin smarts in that red and gold head of yours?"

It's not fair, Severus thinks, it's really not fair. James Potter was the rich kid who strutted Hogwarts halls like he owned them and his son turned himself against an entire house not to turn his back towards a kid he met on a train. One day, Severus will have to tell Harry about his parents. He won't lie, he has never been one to sugarcoat things, but he doesn't want to tell Harry who is father truly was either. The side of James Potter people don't talk about, people turn a blind eye to, because it was just with Slytherins and everybody knows they're bad news anyway, because it was him and nobody cared if it was him. Harry doesn't deserve to know the truth, but one day he'll have to.

Harry didn't exactly took well the news (well, news to him) that Draco was Snape's godson. When Draco told him Harry couldn't believe it. He said it was joke, that he was lying. Everybody seemed to know at school. When he asked Snape for explanations, he said he "didn't want to burden him with this information", that was also "never relevant until this moment" for him. It doesn’t calm Harry down, on the contrary. He locks himself in his room. The only reason Harry doesn't fully blow a fuse is that they're at Hogwarts now. Of course, he can't tell Ron and Hermione why he is upset. Really, Draco Malfoy? Snape is his godfather? In which alternate universe? Sure, Draco is a Slytherin, but he is also pretentious, and whiny, and he is always ready to go tell his father things, and he expects to be treated like royalty by everyone and he is a bully! Snape hates all of these things, how is that even possible that he is connected to someone like Malfoy? Everytime Malfoy flaunts how being Snape's godson gives him certain priviledge, Harry wishes he'd know a spell to shut him up. And no, this isn't jealousy, it's something else that right mow he cannot name, but it's definitely not jealousy. And it's not jealousy because he knows Snape doesn't care about Draco more than he cares about him. Draco may be his godson, but Harry is his...protegè? Maybe? The exact definition of the nature of Harry and Snape relationship has been a bit foggy. Whatever, it's not important the title or anything, he knows Snape cares more about him, right?

Snape is torn between keeping up apperances and following his heart. As disgustingly sentimental as it may sounds. Draco and Harry fight ever more than he precicted. And as head of Slytherins and Draco's godfather the only sensible behaviour for him to follow would be take Draco's side everytime, he knows that. But no one could prepare him on how hard it is, especially when Snape knows Draco is wrong, to look at Harry and call him a liar when he denies to have started the fight, an insolent and a brat. He explained him he has to do it, no one can suspect, but Harry is just a kid, of course there's hurt in his eyes when Snape says those things. He pretends to yank Harry from an arm to some classroom so he can give him a proper scolding, while the other kids who witnessed the fight chatter about the tremendous punishment Snape is going to inflict on Gryffindors' golden boy. Some of them try to subtly follow Harry and Snape, hoping to hear some of the insults the Potions teacher will throw at Potter and make gossip out of it, but Snape glare at them so hard some think it's a new kind of spell. When they're away from indescreet eyes and ears, Snape lowers himseld at Harry's level. "It's just pretend. Don't believe anything I say in front of the Slytherins and in front of Draco, especially. You're good kid, Harry." he whispers. "But I was right! It wouldn't be suspicious if you tell them I am right when I am! Draco pushed me and-" "It's not that simple, Harry." A sentence Harry will grow tired of hearing pretty soon. "And now go to your dormroom!" shouts Snape at Harry, theatrically, in front of the students who waited to catch a glimpse of Snape's rage. Snape is pretending to be be angry, but when Harry looks at him with fire in his eyes Severus knows he is not faking it.

Snape cannot stop directly Draco from harassing Harry, but he can still find alternative ways, after all he is a Slytherin. He opted for convincing Draco that fighting Harry Potter is a waste of time and all of the public insult matches he gets up to with Harry doesn't make him look good on his curriculum. Draco has an ego and Snape knows how to play with it. Snape does care about Draco, in his own way. He is not surprised he turned out the way he did, snobbish and egocentric and with a mean streak to him- he is after all Lucius's son and a Slytherin, you couldn't expect a Hufflepuff behaviour. But, because he knows Lucius, he can also tell that he and Draco are different. Surely Draco resembles Lucius physically, but it's clear he is putting effort into acting like his father. His meaness is not as nonchalant, one could say, as Lucius's. Snape pretends not to notice. He really did wish Draco didn't always use Harry as an assistant to prove the world he is just like his father, especially when he is better than him.

In the rare occasions Snape is forced to give Harry punishments he doesn't deserve (very rare occasions, since Harry usually breaks four rules a day)

At some point, way earlier than Snape wanted, Ron and Hermione found out Harry had been growing up with Snape. Which was weird, to say the least, but for very unexpected reasons. First of all, because for how much they argue in class you can tell they've got something personal going on, but "father-son" relationship is not what you would expect. Second, because Ron especially couldn't believe someone could ever entrust Snape with a child. When Harry told him in muggle children stories usually wizards and witches are evil and eat children, Ron thought it was about Snape. Having lived with Dursleys for a few years, though, Harry is very firm in defending Snape from accusation of being a bad guardian/parent. Snape can be hard to deal with sometimes, sure, but there's a difference between that and bad guardians, Harry knows, he's been through it. Snape doesn't deserve to be put on the same level of the Dursleys.

It's also weird that Harry and Snape live together for Ron and Hermione because it's just so much harder to hate Snape. It's not like they suddenly love him as soon as they find out he's Harry's guardian, but damn. You just cannot say things anymore. It's not even "it would be impolite in front of Harry", more often than not Harry is openly fighting Snape when he thinks he did something unfair, but because now you know Snape is not The Worst Person Alive. What is Ron suppose to say when he gets a low grade in Potions? Oh, Snape is probably a frustrated asshole who tried to get back at me for his sorry life? THAT MAN BROUGHT HIM, HARRY AND HERMIONE SLICED FRESH FRUIT FOR A SNACK WHEN THEY SPENT SUMMER AFTERNOONS AT SPINNER'S END. HE ACCOMPANIED HARRY TO RON'S HOUSE. He stayed over for tea once with his mother. You just cannot pretend he is the devil who spends time huddled in his home to making up new ways to torture his students anymore. He medicated Hermione when she hurt her knee falling from a swing. You can't hate the man who put a hello kitty band-aid on your knee (Hermione always brings with her her own small aid kit, funny band-aids included).

Make no mistake, same goes for Snape. It's pretty hard to maintain your reputation as unsufferable professor when two of your students hang out by your house an awful lot. It's harder to be strict with them. And he does want to do that, Snape prides himself in projecting his image as a hard professor to deal with, who requires respect and the maximum effort in his subject. Ron sucks at Potions, and Snape is not going to give him better grades just because he is Harry's friend, but damn it's just...harder to do that thing when you don't care about how you students perform when they don't strive for perfection. Now he is disappointed. Disappointed in Ron Weasly. Disappointed in Ron Weasly's grade. He shouldn't care about it! And also it's not fun anymore to tease Miss Granger. Now when she raises her hand Snape has resorted to tell her he knows she knows the answer, so why doesn't she give the rest of the class a chance? See, it lacks sarcasm, it lacks spite, it lacks maliciousness, it lacks...Snape's treadmark snarky attitude. "You're becoming soft, Severus" sometimes he sighs to himself, after missing what he would once consider a brilliant opportunity for a nasty comment. He then looks at Harry, Ron, Hermione, or whatever other kid his tongue now decided to spare by force of habit, taking a huge sigh of relief becayse Snape's remark has been less cutting than they expected. "Maybe it's not a bad thing" a voice in his head suggests. But what if his students lose respect for him then, it's always either feared or loved right? "You'll cross that bridge when you get there" a softer voice answer.

Speaking of failed Potions classes, Snape really can't hide his disappointment for Harry's grade. He'd thought living with him he would have learned something, even just observing him preparing potions as a child- they used to do this a lot when Harry was little, Snape brewed potions while Harry stayed in the same room, drawing or reading or making muggle homework or even helping sometimes. Harry is average at best. And Snape is only being fair, doesn't matter their relationship, he doesn't give him a point more or less on his homework, his work ethic is very strong. Snape considers this his greatest failure in Harry's regards.

But guess what he is great at? Bleah, Quidditch. Snape didn’t understand the appeal of the sport when he was at Hogwarts and he doesn’t understand it now. Harry blabbers to him excitedly about brooms and snitches and points and teams, but Snape barely understands him. "If only you were to pour such enthusiasm in more useful activities, like studying for Potions class". Harry puts on a face and looks away so Snape doesn't see him. He can't utter a word of Quidditch that Snape starts lecturing about "more useful activities".

"I am merely worried, Minerva, that pointless glory achieved in...sports will lure his mind away from his studies. I won't let the boy turn into a good-for-nothing brawny knobhead like all athlestes. " Severus complains to professor McGonagall. "He shouldn't waste away the little cleverness he has." He adds with a calculated insulting remark, in fear he let too much of his true feelings show.

"First of all, Severus, not all athletes are good-for-nothing brawny knobhead. There's nobility is sports." Minerva lectures him.

"You would say from such an unbiased point of view." Severus retorts. It's no secret Minerva is the biggest Quidditch fan in the school, her enthusiasm can trump that of the students.

"Secondly, Harry has had an eccellent education and a dedicated teacher" she says, stirring her tea while giving Severus a knowing look "he is not a knobhead and he will never be. About being brawny, I don't see how a bit of exercise wouldn't help in preparation for darker days."

She and Severus drink their tea in silence.

[lovefromskyee]

10/04/24

I have officially completed the first week of my AS levels, and I'm not going to lie, things are going much better than I expected them to?

I have been very close to mainly one group of 3-4 other girls, and I told them I was bi today, and they all accepted me, which was really such a huge weight off my chest. I casually just mentioned it in conversation when one of them said that they never had a friend who was gay, so I just immediately for some reason replied with "well, I'm bi, so-" and then they all just stopped for a second and went "oh, that's great" and stuff, there wasn't much of a discussion to it which I appreciated SO much.

We also played badminton today, and it was so much fun. I became much closer to some of the new students with the game too, because we kept having to take turns and we were playfully arguing about if we were out yet or not and it was all so much fun.

I don't think this new class is better than our old one, honestly. The dynamics in our old class were genuinely the best, and all of my bestest memories were from there, but this class is definitely incredibly great and special in its own way. For one, we finally have more girls than boys in our class, and that is still so surreal. And the people from my old class who I was actually close to, I'm still in contact with, so I'm not in that deep of a state of mourning anymore.

Our studies have ramped up so drastically too, though! I have no idea how to even start revising for Biology, and we've already completed the first 15-20 pages with almost ten pages of notes, and a bunch of diagrams which I'm not quite sure what to do with yet. I'm just hoping I'll figure it out soon, and not actually fall behind my studies at any time. Fingers crossed!

I love sociology so much too! It's one of the new subjects I have this year, and I love the classes so much. Our teacher is so much fun, and I get to yap for 45 minutes every day, which is never going to be something I complain about honestly. We have to research on cults as homework for friday, and I'm researching on the cult of cybele, which is basically this ancient religious cult that predates the roman empire, and became infamous FOR how popular it became, where it was a threat to the actual roman leaders. If you can't tell already, I'm having a lot of fun.

I went through my Wattpad today too, and I found this old therapy book that I unpublished in the year of our lord 2023, which was originally just a bunch of motivational speeches for my very mentally unstable followers at the time. I kinda want to do something like that again, but I have no idea how. Maybe if I do, it's going to be private, but we'll see, I guess.

My favourite song right now is red wine supernova by chappell roan, and it's been on repeat for days now, so I will most definitely reccomend it to anyone reading this right now.

I don't know why exactly, but I'm really missing ninth grade these past few days. Maybe it's because my brother has just entered it, or maybe it's because it was the first year I had offline with the people who would become so important to me in just the span of a year or two, but random memories from 2022 are just playing in my head, but I'm not sad about it? I don't know, I'm a little glad I'm not the girl I was then, no matter how much nostalgia she's bringing me right now. She had a lot of stuff to work through, and she's gotten me so far, but this is where I have to leave her now, if that makes sense? I'm so grateful for all the progress she's made, but she's not there anymore, and I don't think that fact is something I mourn actually.

Even if I don't want to admit it, my personality has changed a lot with this new class, but in the best way possible. I don't have to be unnecessarily mean to be scary anymore, and I'm telling people I love them and saying compliments whenever they're at the tip of my tongue, and I'm smiling so much more now and laughing so loudly, and somehow, I've stopped caring how my teeth or my neck or my jawline look when I do so? I've made friends much more easier than I expected to, and they're all so nice and smart and funny and pretty, and I don't have to get them scared of me to listen to me, because they care about me and understand where I draw my boundaries anyway. It took so long for the people from our older class to get that sometimes (not that I didn't love them just as much), so it's actually kind of surprising how safe I feel with these people considering that they're practically strangers, you know? Maybe I'm just rambling now hahah.

Okay I really do have to get back to my sociology and psychology homework now, so this is where this entry will have to end. If you're reading this, I hope you literally have the best day ever, and I hope that your favourite person gets you flowers and you go outside on an annoyingly hot day only for it to start raining, and I hope you only have good hair days for the rest of your life. I love you!

Love from Skye <3

[jdgo51]

DAILY DEVOTIONAL FOR DECEMBER 24, 2023

4th Sunday of Advent

By Jennifer Christenson (Wisconsin, USA)

READ LUKE 2:15-20

"Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart."

LUKE 2:19 (NRSVUE)

"In the silence of my infant daughter’s room, I finally understood Mary’s pondering. In those precious moments after my daughter had fallen asleep in my arms, my thoughts flitted from the long hours of labor, to the moment my daughter was laid on my chest, to her big brother holding her for the first time. I marveled at the miracle of giving birth, and how fearfully and wonderfully made we truly are. I gave thanks to God for allowing me to play a vital role in bringing this new life into the world.

We can’t know, of course, what Mary’s thoughts were that holy night. We can only guess what this exhausted young mother pondered as the shepherds’ voices faded into the night. Being a new parent is overwhelming enough. Imagine what it felt like for Mary to know that her child, this sweet baby boy swaddled in the manger, was born to save us all. Surely that was almost too much to bear. And so she pondered. She let the thoughts and emotions turn over and over in her heart as she gave thanks to God for inviting her to play this critical role in the salvation of the world.

As we celebrate the Incarnation, may our hearts also be filled with wonder and awe as we ponder the ways God is inviting us to bring the light and life of Christ into the world." Be filled with Jesus for Christ was born on this day. We should carry that Love and spread to the far away corners of our life. Jesus is "a gift that keeps on giving", may it be so with you.

TODAY'S PRAYER

"God of love, bless our pondering this holy season. Fill us with the same hope and wonder Mary felt. May our thoughts always lead us to you." Amen.

Luke 2:15-20

"'15 When the angels returned to heaven, the shepherds said to each other, “Let’s go right now to Bethlehem and see what’s happened. Let’s confirm what the Lord has revealed to us.” 16 They went quickly and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. 17 When they saw this, they reported what they had been told about this child. 18 Everyone who heard it was amazed at what the shepherds told them. 19 Mary committed these things to memory and considered them carefully. 20 The shepherds returned home, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen. Everything happened just as they had been told."' What Jesus had shared with the disciples through the years of earthly ministry, and now year after year we remember how it all came to pass. Celebrate and rejoice in the birth. It brought hope to us that we truly can experience day after day. This is the Christmas moment to take in all of the meaning of true Christmas. Be blessed, all! Joe

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

10/20/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Matthew 16, Mark 8 and Luke 9:18-27

It's the 19th day of October. I'm Jill. It's so great to be here with you as we're counting down this month of October. Man, it's just happening. There's nothing any of us can do about it. It's going by fast. We are just a couple of months away from being through the Bible in chronological order in a whole entire year, I just want to say, well done. No matter where you're at, well done. I'm so proud of you and you should be so proud of you that you took this journey together to make time, to be intentional in the Word, and to allow God to speak to your hearts, to your mind, to your soul, to your spirit. And to say what he wanted to say, we can only be changed from the inside out by being in his word, and I trust that you are, as I know that I have been. And it's been a pleasure and a complete honor to be on this journey with you and to read the word of God. And that's what we're going to do right now. We're reading the book of Matthew, first, the 16th chapter, and then we'll jump over to Mark and read the 8th chapter. And then we'll finish today. And Luke .Chapter 9, verses 18 through 27. We're reading this week in the Amplified Bible. Matthew chapter 16.

Commentary:

It's another day where we could close our eyes and point and identify ourselves and anyone of these stories. Let's just start at the beginning today, shall we? Now the Pharisees and Sadducees came up and testing Jesus, they asked him to show them a sign from heaven which would support his divine authority. I'm going to fill in the next part because who he is and what he has done thus far has not been enough for them yet- they need him to prove himself a little bit more. Can we identify ourselves here? Yes. Prove yourself, Jesus, if you really love me, if you really are who you say you are, if you are really good then you'll do this. Then you'll give me this. Then you'll show me a sign. And we sometimes call it laying our fleece before the Lord. I absolutely love it. Jesus doesn't even play with the Pharisees and the Sadducees. Or maybe he does sort of play with them, if you will, by his response, depending on how you want to look at it. And he points out to them that they can read the weather by looking at the sky, but they failed to interpret the signs of the times, and proceeds to call them an evil and unfaithful generation that craves a miraculous sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. Now remember the story of Jonah being swallowed up by the whale, but then going and telling the people to repent? OK and then just moving right along into the next paragraph. Then the disciples, maybe we can identify ourselves here, they go to the other side of the sea and they realize they forgot the bread and Jesus says to them, watch out and be on your guard against the leaven of the Pharisees and the Sadducees. And then they begin to discuss this among themselves, and they land on that He said that because they forgot the bread. And Jesus repeatedly calls them out. You men of little faith, it's almost like you can hear him saying, what am I going to do with you, do you not remember the miracle of feeding 4000? We were just there together and I want to laugh. I want to laugh at them and think how ridiculous that is until I see myself trying to figure out what Jesus is actually trying to say. Until I realize maybe it's me. Maybe I'm second guessing. Maybe I'm starting to doubt what he actually- I mean, there's so much happening here. The next paragraph Jesus asks the disciples, who do people say that the Son of Man is? And they respond. And then Jesus asks the most important question, that he's trying to get you to the heart of the disciples. But who do you say that I am? It's a question we all have to sit with. It's a question that we all have to answer within our own faith, within our own convictions, and within our own foundational beliefs. Who do we say that Jesus is. There's so much that happens in this exchange between Jesus and the disciples. But then it narrows in on Jesus and Simon Peter, and in this moment Jesus renames Simon Peter to Peter and Jesus reveals himself to Peter. The fascinating thing about this declaration is Jesus declares where he will build his church and where he declares. This is so interesting because this is a place of Pagan worship. This is where detestable acts of worship to false gods took place. Let me break it down just a little bit further. This is probably a place where most Christians would condemn another Christian for being at. And this is where Jesus declares upon this rock in this place I will build my church, and the gates of death will not prevail. That's who Jesus is. I love that it starts out where he asks the question and he answers it for us. This is who Jesus is, where he chooses to build his church, where few of us would even want to be seen or recognized. That this is where he will build his church.

Prayer:

Father we thought we knew you and we realized that we've only known about you. What we're learning- we're learning who you are through your word. We're learning that many of us have gotten it all wrong. We have gone with the flow. We have believed the status quo, but we are learning who you are by listening to you speak for yourself. And as you speak for yourself, it is penetrating us from the inside out. And sometimes it hurts, sometimes it stings a little bit as we allow our perceptions, as we allow the things that we thought we knew about you, we allow them to fade to gray as you shed new light and you tell us yourself who you are. Reveal the truth of who you are to us. We pray we have gotten some things wrong about you, and we have even told some things wrong about you to other people, but we thank you for shedding light on the truth of who you are. As you reveal yourself to us this day and every day after Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us. Both God and man. So loving, so kind, humble and righteous, but never self-righteous. We thank you for who you are. We thank you for your love for humanity, for the lost. For those with little faith just like us. We love you. We worship you and we long to know you more Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen. 

Announcements:

Daily Audio Bible. That's home base. Check it out if you have not. Take a look around the store if you haven't, if you love coffee and tea we have some of the best. I truly believe that we have some of the best coffee out there. A lot of people write me and ask me what's your favorite? Well, I do love the Ethiopian and drink it every day of my life, so I'm probably a little bit spoiled at this point. But they're all good. You truly can't pick a bad one. There's other things to do around there if you like the the music that's in the background as we podcast every day- all of the music is available, the soundtrack, as well as other things intended to enhance your journey through the Bible every year. Just take a look around on the website. If you'd like to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do so by giving through mail DAB PO Box 1996, Spring Hill TN 37174. As always, thank you so much for your partnership. We could not do it without you. That is no understatement. That is the truth. Or you can hit the give icon, it's up at the top right hand corner of your mobile device. Or look for the gift icon on the website as well if you would like prayer. If you would like to call in and pray for someone that's previously called in asking for prayer, you can do so 800-583-2164 or hit that red circle button, it's up up at the top right hand corner I believe of your mobile device. Make sure you hit submit and turn the wheel towards chronological so to get to the right place. That's going to do it for me today. I'm Jill. I look forward to turning the page with you all tomorrow as we continue this journey through the Bible. Can you believe we are nearly within two months of being all the way through the Bible together in a year and that we're walking into the holiday season in the US? So we know that life is going to amp up another 50 to 500 miles an hour into the holiday season, so don't forget to just take time every day. Take a breath. Take some intentionality. Heart of gratitude, thanksgiving. Just to remember where you are, where you've come from and where you're going. And know that you never go alone. I'm Jill. Until tomorrow, love one another.

Community Prayer Line:

Dear DABC Family, just want to praise God and thank him for his goodness. This is my first time requesting prayers since June. I've been facing one obstacle after another. Every time I get up, I feel pushed down by Satan. Earlier in this summer I got results for a mammogram which were benign but needed to have a lumpectomy to make sure the results were benign. But they found an atypical cell, which may or may not become cancerous. Have an MRI in four months to see if I need to go on preventive medication. Later in the summer, I got into a serious car accident with my younger son in the car. The car was totaled, but we walked away. Some pain, but recovery. My son is OK. The other driver obtained a lawyer. We don't know who's at fault. Waiting to see what the claim they are making. Two weeks later, my older son got into a car accident. He's OK, but that car also needs to be fixed. We just dropped him off to college on the other coast. And after working for 20 years at grade level, I am teaching a whole new grade and I feel like a first year teacher. I was not in a good place mentally, physically and spiritually for a few months. I'm just relying on God to get me through these storms. 

Good morning, this is Tonya calling from Suffolk. Under Construction, I just finished listening to your prayer request. Just wanted to let you know that God hears you. God knows all about it. I just trust and still believing that God is going to come through in his perfect timing. We tend to like to rush things because we feel like things is on our timeline and we get I think we've rushed it more so being fearful, not intending to rush but just being fearful and then we started getting anxious because we feel like that we have a deadline that we have to meet and just things that. That's not gonna happen in time, but I still trust and believing that God is going to come through right in the nick of time. So just continue to hold on and know that God wants again. He hears you. He knows all about. He knows what you what you're going through. He know where we we're going through. So Lord God, I just continue to trust you, Father. We continue to hold on to your unchanging hand, Father, allow your child to know Lord God that you are God and there is no other. And we just thank you. Lord God, we love you and we praise you in advance, Father, that once again that you're going to show yourself mighty in your timing in Jesus name. Amen. 

Good morning. This is Diane from Tennessee. This is Monday, October 16th, and I am requesting some pretty heavy prayers right now just for my mind and my heart. My husband has been moving forward in pursuing and building a whole new life with his mistress, girlfriend and just was building a separate life while we were still married. And technically where we are still married, we are going through a divorce because of this and after 22 years of marriage. Um, there in recent weeks has just been very public, cruel behavior, complete disregard and disrespect for both myself and my son and our families and even our closest friends and community. And there's just been gloating and boasting and flagrant just disregard is really just the the word I can say- lack of any compassion or care for everybody that he's leaving behind and my mind is just consumed with the whole process. Um, with the acts of cruelty and with the unknowns ahead, the unknowns that exist even happening right now, that I'm just cut off from and my son and I are just working to get through. I just asked for prayers of protection. Protection and provision over my son. And I just thank you all for joining in me on this. Thank you.