#guess those choices where i make them more empathetic and more civil are all for nothing then

[elvesofnoldor]

[jswdmb1]

I Wanna Be Sedated

“Hurry, hurry, hurry 

before I go insane

Can't control my fingers, 

can't control my brain”

- The Ramones

All of our resources have been focused on two things: keeping people alive and keeping the economy afloat.  It is hard to argue the prioritization of those two areas and it is understandable that there are not resources beyond what we have already marshalled to focus on anything further down the list.  But I worry that we are just burying another landmine in the ground that we’ll be stepping on sooner than later if we forget about it.  I am talking about the complete and brutal destruction of our mental health both collectively and individually.

 Before I go further, I must repeat that I completely support the efforts of social shutdown and shelter in place that are currently in effect.  It is literally the only tool we have to fight this pandemic as our leaders (most specifically the president) mocked its potential wrath when more could have been done to prepare and now we are boxed into a corner.  Experts warned long before this man even got nominated by his party that he was unfit for this office and an existential threat to our way of life.  It was just a matter of time before his vulgarity, stupidity and incompetence manifested into real pain and destruction, and that time is now.  I bring this up before delving into my primary subject because I still see polls and news reports that show there is a large percentage of people who still think there is overreaction to the crisis and that the president is doing a good job handling it.  If you believe either of those things, please stop reading now because you do not have the intellectual capacity to grasp what I am going to say.

 Now that we have established how we got here and who is responsible, the real question that everyone has on their minds is what is next.  We have been told to shelter-in-place for the foreseeable future and been given no further instructions.  The economic bill passed yesterday is the equivalent of treating a gunshot wound with a band-aid, and will be of little use as a real solution to the financial devastation that most people will experience long after those checks run out.  This combination has made it increasingly hard to keep strong mentally as the massive uncertainty weighs on our minds literally every hour of the day.  For a few days, we found some solace in things like getting outside, but now that is being quashed as acceptable.  We are pretty much under a house arrest with no defined sentence and we are being punished for no crime we ever committed.  Even a prisoner gets access to basic services such as counseling and religious freedoms, but not those of us at home.  In war, there is something known as collateral damage, and our civil liberties are fitting that description for the current crisis.  On top of all of that, the weather in my part of the country has been miserable.  It all adds up to one very grim picture.

 Some of you may not like that I am painting such a picture, but that to me contributes to our mental health crisis in the same way that putting our heads in the sand about the virus got us to where we stand today.  I am not alone in feelings of anxiety or depression, but it’s well known I have had both long before the virus hit our shores.  I feel it gives me a little bit of a perspective on this issue and why I see it a potentially more damaging long-term than anything we are experiencing today.  What I can tell you from experience is that it is not possible to work through profound feelings of depression by “just being positive”.  The two worst things you can tell a depressed person is that they have to remain positive and they need to work themselves out of their mood. That is akin to telling someone who is drowning that they need to come up for air and should go look for a lifejacket when they do.  Yet, all I see on social media and the news is that this is the “new normal” and “we’ll get through this”.  What are you talking about?  There is nothing normal about this at all.  Why on earth would anyone accept it as such?  And, how do you know that we’ll get through this?  What are you basing that on?  Have you been through a deadly pandemic before?  Have you sat under quarantine for weeks that will soon turn into months?  It literally grates on my nerves to hear such things as good tools to use to “get us out of our funk”.

 So, that begs the question about what do we do?  I will not pretend to have any real answers and certainly there is no quick fix.  But first, we all have to acknowledge that this problem exists, and it is at least on par with the other aspects of this crisis. And don’t say that it isn’t life-or-death because it is.  I predict in a matter of weeks, not months, that you will see a morbidly sharp increase in the suicide rate.  This is also incredibly damaging to the efforts of those trying to recover from addiction diseases, and many will not only succumb to their addictions without a support system to help them, but they will die as a result of this.  And the casualties are not limited to those who don’t make it.  The deep psychological scars left on the rest of us that manage to get through this will not heal without significant intervention.  I am particularly worried about our teens and young adults who were already not in a good place and I think are suffering more than most when it comes to the social isolation steps being implemented.  We all need to acknowledge that we are experiencing acute mental trauma and we cannot simply accept that as “normal”.

 If you cannot accept this as fact, then there is not much more I can do to help you.  You are going to suffer a similar fate as those who don’t believe we are in the middle of a deadly pandemic in the first place.  But if you are willing to accept that your mental health is (or will be) destroyed as a result of this, there are a couple of things that I have learned over the years that can help you cope:

 Depression, pain and anxiety are normal feelings and you should not feel guilty for feeling them.  By all means do not suppress those feelings as they fester without an outlet.  Also be aware that those around you will have these feelings as well and don’t shame them for not being “positive” or “constructive” for expressing them.  It is going to take a lot of patience along with some give and take to work with each other on this, but if we deny ourselves or others the freedom to express these emotions, we can’t even get started with healing.

Recognize that while many tools have been taken way from us that usually can be a big help, many others are still available.  We have to just be more creative and look for other doors that may be open when others have been shut.  One of my main outlets has been a group running program where I coach, and that is now gone in its old form.  But we are working hard to still get out and run (solo and never congregating) and support each other virtually.  It is not perfect, but it would be wrong to dismiss the sense of community we have built over the years because it is still alive and well no matter how far apart we are kept.  It may even be stronger when we eventually can see each other again.  That is just one example.  I recommend you take whatever you had before and look for ways to retool and still use that as something you can have that is a positive force in your life.  It could be that you have that taken away at some point, but then go back and retool it again.  If GM can retool its operations from cars to ventilators, we can certainly do the same on our micro levels.

Avoid using alcohol and drugs as a crutch.  I can tell you from direct experience that this is just about the worst way to deal with depression.  I am not saying you cannot enjoy a drink now and then, but I have already seen anecdotal evidence in some of my interactions on social media and elsewhere that this is not the case.  I know that I sound preachy here, but I’m just trying to help as I’m sure many of you may have not experienced profound depression like this before.  There is no doubt that the drink or drug of your choice feels good for a little bit and may even help you forget, but it is an incredibly slippery slope.  

For those who have committed to sobriety before this all went down, please hold onto that. It may be the only thing you have left that they can’t take away, and it is too valuable to give up so easily.  I know it is hard, the thought of heading down to the liquor store (which incredibly is still open and considered “essential”) has passed through my head more than once, but you have to let that feeling pass.  You know better than I that what I say in the preceding paragraph is true and heading off the path to sobriety will be a disaster.  I have heard that support groups are still meeting (as they have also been deemed essential) so consider a way to attend those (even virtually) if you are struggling with temptation.  If you have no such support mechanism, contact me directly through FaceBook Messenger. I am always willing to talk to someone who needs to work though a moment of crisis.  It’s a ridiculously impossible situation, but there is no other choice to hold on.

 I know that I sound like I am on a soapbox here, but that is not my intent.  This is more of a plea to everyone out there not to forget that mental health is a critical component of living and bodies free of disease are useless if our brains can’t function within them.  Please just remember that as you deal with the people in your house and those you interact with virtually.  While you may think you have the right answer in telling people to stay happy and chipper during a dark time, that is not how everyone feels and it could be damaging to their mental health if you ignore the danger signs they are presenting.  My guess is that anyone who has gone this far into reading this already knows that, but it is going to take some reminding for even the most empathetic and caring person among us.  Starting now can hopefully get ahead of issues that are already taking root so that we can move forward much more quickly with “normal” life if such a thing ever exists again.

 In the meantime, I sincerely hope that this finds you healthy and safe and that you are coping with the mental aspects of the situation better than me.  One outlet I have is this blog, and I have thought about suspending it during the crisis because I don’t have anything to say that people want to hear.  After writing this post, I realize now that would be the easy way out, and at the risk of being unpopular, I can not give up the fight to protect the most important organ in our bodies – our brain.  So, I’ll keep on keepin’ on, but just remember that I really am trying to help. I don’t want anyone to end up in a place that they can’t leave.  We’ve come too far to let that happen.

 Please take care everybody,

Jim

[deathofamemer]

🌼🌻💕❤️and the wish one for ocs of your choice!!!

i’m putting stuff under the cut since i’m doing a drabble for that first one, it’s actually an excuse to write a thing i’ve been meaning to write for a couple days

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!) 

(it’s third person limited i fuckin hate writing first person)

It’s not the loud moments that make the difference, Rhodolite finds. No, no, it’s always the quiet ones that make the world shift most.

There’s just the slightest rustle of leaves as they patrol, a branch snapping under a foot, and it takes only a moment to manifest their weapons, the pink kite shield forming around their forearm as they pull a scimitar from their pointed gem.

“Show yourself.” He reaches out with an empathetic aura, trying to feel a potential ambush, but all that he feels comes from right in front of him: a dark blue gem, nearly unseen in the forest’s darkness, just barely illuminated by the glow of fireflies. This gem is afraid, but eager, and Rhodolite lowers his weapons as the gem steps forward, dark colors fading into lighter, warmer ones. A Pabstite. An infiltrator. A spy.

The Pabstite raises both hands anxiously, weapon nowhere to be seen. “Don’t attack, I- I’m not here to hurt anything, I...” Hesitation. No intake of breath, no sigh. A gem doesn’t need to breathe, and this one seems brand new to the Earth.

“Explain yourself, Pabstite. Why are you here?” The cyan diamond shape on Pabstite’s uniform is a dead giveaway, and Rhodolite can’t help but be on edge. Pabstite doesn’t swallow, either, the gesture far too human, but there’s an aura of tension and nervousness regardless.

“I... I got left behind. Stranded. I was looking at all of the organics here, and I...” A pause. “...you’re Rhodonite, aren’t you? The leader of the rebellion?”

There’s no use in denying it, not with the other gem at their mercy. “It’s Rhodolite, but yes. Get on with it.” Their words are harsh, but their tone isn’t. They’re controlled, secure, precise, keeping close watch on this Pabstite’s actions.

“Sorry. I...” Another pause, this one accompanied by a look akin to squirming. “...I want to... be like you. You and the other rebels, you’re free. Free to do what you want to do, go where you want to go, be who you want to be...” Pabstite looks over Rhodolite a little wistfully, and something strikes a cord in him. It’s a familiarly wistful look, one they used to have, and something in them softens.

“...you want to be a new you. More masculine, I’m guessing? That’s the Earth word for how I present myself.” Pabstite nods, eyes shining, and Rhodolite can’t help but smile. “What are your pronouns, Pabstite? What do you want them to be?”

“...I want them to be he/him.” Pabstite has a look of resolve to him, albeit an almost uncertain kind. Homeworld doesn’t treat gems that want to be different kindly, and Rhodolite knows that Cyan Diamond is one of the worst about it.

Rhodolite returns his scimitar to his gem, holding out his hand for Pabstite to take. “Then you can have that, here.”

Pabstite takes Rhodolite’s hand, looking up at them with an awed smile. “Really?”

Rhodolite returns the smile. “Yeah. Tell me this honestly, Pabstite: do you want to join the rebellion? Are you willing to put your life on the line for the freedom you can find on Earth?”

Pabstite hesitates, but nods. “I... I do. I want to help, Rhodonite.”

They look at him, inspecting, but after only a moment, they smile, genuinely and warmly. “Then you have a chance. You can call me Rhod, by the way.”

Pabstite’s awe increases. “Th-Thank you, Rhod! I won’t let you down.”

“I believe in you, Pab. Welcome to the Crystal Gems.”

💐 Does your OC like flowers? What are their favourites? Do they keep a garden of some sort? What flowers would they use in a flower crown? (and if you like, research the meanings behind those flowers!)

i’m trying to remember if i’ve got any ocs with a special thing with flowers... OH of course. mine and lucas’s oc ash, they’re the most flower associated oc i can think of, they fucking LOVE to garden and have a really massive one that they take good care of. they’re married to a dryad (she’s a cypress) and their daughter rhoda is a dryad variant with permanent roses in her hair so they’ve got a definite softspot for roses! i’m not sure what their other favorite flowers are, though, but they are ALWAYS wearing a flower crown of some kind.

💕 How is your OC like with physical affection? What are their boundries? Do they enjoy being touched or is that a no-go? Is there any reason behind this?

bopal time; bopal has never had physical affection prior to being stranded on earth, so they’re REALLY touch starved even if they don’t understand exactly what that means. as a result, they tend to cling to touch and linger, just to find out why it’s so nice. as they get more used to earth, they’ll become pretty cuddly. the only affection they’re kinda weird about is having their gem touched, but that’s only because it’s pretty intimate. but pab and rhod can, eventually. they’ll blush pretty hard over it!

❤️ What would your OC’s ideal lover be like? Appearnce, personality, voice? Would their family approve or would it be civil war?

i’m going for yuki with this one; yuki wants someone attentive and understanding who doesn’t mind that they’re pretty timid, someone lively who can help them come out of their shell and become braver. they’re fond of tall, strong looking people, but they care more about personality than anything else. yuki doesn’t really talk to their family outside of during holidays, so it wouldn’t be an issue.

🌙 If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

the main oc i can think of that has a driving wish like that is emmet (the slut, not the lego). their greatest wish is to find the incubus they’re in love with (his name is ambrose) because they had a one night stand at a party gone occult and emmet just. fell. instantly. like a fool. they’re a monsterfucker. they might regret it if it actually comes along because they have no idea what ambrose is actually like outside of the one night they spent together, but emmet would give just about anything for it, and they literally lost their left hand in the process of seeking this

[zozammer]

Restraint

In the Talmud, they say that you should work on one thing at a time, especially if you have two jobs. Never answer to your second job when doing your first. One must be whole heartedly committed to the task and service at hand.

So no phone calls, no emails and correspondence, ideation, or errands regarding. 

I have been having a lot on my mind lately, so a bit scattered and not sharp enough. I will continue after this thought. I found myself best when I’m focused to one cause and one cause alone. The learning is so much faster, funner, and sharper. To exert restraint in terms of greed for variety. To do a thing really well.

Still learn to reign all my horses in. Have to let go off a pony or two. Maybe one shining black stallion, or a loyal sturdy mule.

Where does restraint come from?

I didn’t celebrate Passover this year but a new friend from the synagogue sent me this; The 49 days of Omer, this being the 3rd day. 

There is love and there is beautiful love. True love includes empathy and compassion which makes it a beautiful love. Love is often fostered in expectation of reciprocity. Real love is expressed even when one gets nothing in return; even when the other doesn't deserve love. Tiferet is giving also to those that have hurt you. It acknowledges the discipline of gevurah and says that, nevertheless, compassionate love calls for helping all.

Exercise for the day: Offer a helping hand to a stranger.

Tiferet.

This is miles away from where I’m at today. Today, I don’t feel like giving when I’m not being given. I am fairly abusive to anyone around me because I have a lot on my plate and I’m just trying to do right by myself. I don’t have time for anyone else. Somewhere I’ve told myself that it’s only I who gets myself in and out of trouble. And at the end of the day, it’s I who’s going to love myself and take care of things. By that math, I put myself first and anyone else with non reciprocative demands gets a turn, but after my own needs are met.

Not like I don’t help, just do it with slight resentment and a tinge of loftiness.

I keep trying to exert my heart but the little “What About Me” gremlin creeps up and reminds me of my lack of resources and time.

I have not been exerting restraint with my words for a long time. It’s because I’m always bleeding, even if it’s just a little bit. Wonder if I will ever get over the greed. Self-pity is a kind of greed we exert on our hearts.

I like going to my office because it’s the amount of human interaction I enjoy and find just.

- I get paid and valued for my effort.

- everyone is civil and no one is up in your business.

- the requirement is straightforward

- and thus, the judgment is appropriate

Everything else is a drain of my time and resources. Things are not worth it if they aren’t fun. Period. 

One life.

Along the years, I’ve become my own kind of fun with a plethora of hobbies and introspections to keep myself entertained. I don’t have a very amazing impression of relationships, no. I seem to only be burned by humans due to an ultimate lack of acceptance for who I am, good and bad and perhaps. a lack of acceptance for who they are with their manuals. 

Met a lot of narrow minded shit heads in my wake, despite the empathy/maturity/second chances. Understood the shallow game real well. None of us escape it. And while, my interests are beyond, I know I have to keep the illusion in mind, if I’m going to thrive in the jungle.

I don’t trust human beings, no. There’s not much one can do to surprise me in terms of selfishness and self preservation. Except I have no interest in looking like the fool.

(sometimes I end up acting like a real tool in the process.)

Thus, my restraint is calculated and measured, not very empathetic, if it ever exists. I don’t temper my words because I have nothing to lose. Slightly reckless sometimes.

(Some would read this and not apply it to themselves, assuming I’m writing this for a special condition. It’s happened before with readers, why I keep a gentle distance from people. Restraining myself from using the word idiot here, oh well.)

Sometimes the restraint is natural. When I feel warm fuzz towards someone.

Not a rare condition, no. But it has its limitations. My patience runs very thin with all when I get a whiff of deceit or disrespect or aimless argument. One could call me fairly ruthless once you push me to the edge. With the increasing number of betrayals, I care less and less. It’s how I protect and preserve myself. As mentioned, I’m good at keeping myself entertained and I value independent thought over group mindset (irksome).

{ Newsflash, I’m happily unmarried. Not interested in picking up after his laundry and bullshit. Be the roast of his jokes, ignored and minimised, constantly challenged and expected to be this perfect thing, put up with the chauvinism and his mommy. All for the sake of societal approval that I’m worthy of his ‘love’ and a being thought a ‘complete’ person... Pardon the rant. }

... I want much more.

and I’m not going to get it any time soon, not by a long shot unless I work hard. 

I don’t miss it no, the presence of a lover. It’s not worth it.

I don’t think men / people are worth it in the face of bullshit.

I’ll be damned before I’m put down ever again - that’s where I’m at.

Tiferet.

Metta.

Unconditional love towards all beings.

It’s hard. Specially when you’re angered. When you’re not able to match up to the invisible standards around you. Always being evaluated, matched, compared, challenged, ignored, pushed over. When the only choice you seem to have is to establish strength. Inner, Outer, Ovular. 

Inner strength is abused by most.

I tried creating this visualisation exercise in my office to calm myself down at work an hour back.

I imagined insults being hurled at me, allowing them to physically leave and move past me, as light as air. Imagined the words enter me and move out of my back. Imagined my feeble ego being calmed so that she may not try and cling on to either praise or grumble.

I imagined myself welling up with a word and then asking my soul to generously let it go.

To have clarity, I’m guessing you must be clear yourself. Like air, maybe like water. Thinking being water is calming, but slower.

Imagined a soft pink light around me, and the strength/ wisdom/ intelligence to never hold on to words. 

To change my perception of words, no matter who they come from. 

HARD, because it’s easy.

Watched a discourse by Sri M the other day. He seems like a taskmaster, like a Sensei. Vedanta is a very elaborate subject, and I got a whiff of it from his discourse as he spoke of Arjuna and Krishna from the Mahabharata (the Bhagavad Gita). Krishna talks about becoming a Yogi. The yogi is greater than the ritualist. 

To be a true yogi, that is a meditator or a practitioner, is greater than any ascetic, ritualist, or professor.

http://ww.krks.name/the-eighteen-yogas-of-the-bhagavad-gita-6-the-yoga-of-meditation-dhyana-yoga/ 

He goes on to talk about who a yogi is. Put simply, someone who tirelessly works to maintain equanimity; someone who doesn’t care about the result and works towards a path diligently. 

{ - Like Megillah : in the spiritual world, it is effort, not result, that matters most. 

https://www.sefaria.org/Megillah.6b?lang=bi }

Applying restraint over negativity requires hard work. 

Hard work comes from faith, even when there isn’t clarity. 

Whom or what shall I have faith in?

Sri M says that whenever one feels insignificant, dejected, or small, one should remember their connection to the divinity that rests like a tender light in one’s heart.

J. Krishnamurti says would ask you to see the matter for what it is. To observe your state and observe the thing being said, without condemnation. To release the idea of the self and thus, immediately, the struggle.

Thich Nhat Hanh would ask you to acknowledge the suffering within you and in front of you, and express metta to all. To lend understanding.

Where to start.

First, Release.

Second, practice and be present.

A simple reminder and determined choice, not to hurt. Ahimsa

(Hard.)

[ask-whitebag]

OK so now that we have canon descriptions of aspects I decided to give god tier titles to Phineas and Ferb and their friends (classes may not be as accurate except Candace’s). I’m pretty satisfied with my choices:

Phineas - Mage of Breath

Ferb - Maid of Void

Candace - Thief of Time

Isabella - Witch of Blood

Baljeet - Seer of Mind

Buford - Knight of Rage

Phineas (Breath) - Those bound to the aspect of Breath are, above all, expansive. Flexible and driven, they leave an impact wherever they go. Like the breeze itself, they are able to sweep others up to carry along in their wake, but also like the breeze, they can be difficult to catch hold of or tie down. Although Breath-bound do make very good leaders, breath tends to be a very personal aspect. Often, heroism comes along as an offshoot of them pursuing their own personal stories. They lead by example, and will routinely be surprised that others look up to or feel inspired by them. They have a tendency to underestimate themselves, and not always out of poor self-esteem. They were just doing their own thing. At their best Breath-bound are motivated, adaptable, and forward thinking, but at their worst they can be volatile, avoidant, and gullible.

Ferb (Void) - Those bound to the aspect of Void are the universe's secret-keepers. The unknown doesn't scare them - where others might see emptiness, they see potential. A blank page, an empty canvas, that's what the Void-bound live for. They value mystery and the unexplained, and are not particularly bothered by not having all the answers. Where others might be compelled to go out and seek answers, the Void-bound lean more toward casting doubt on what is already considered fully understood. They don't take much on faith and would rather live in a state of confusion than believe something that might be untrue or bow to intellectual authority. After all, in order for something new to be built, the old, rotting foundation must often be razed. At their best, Void-bound are wise, intuitive, and vibrant. At their worst they can be dismissive, indecisive, and apathetic.

Candace (Time) - Those bound to the aspect of Time are fighters, full stop. Their lives are often marked by struggle, not so much because fate has it in for them, but because they are fundamentally incapable of just accepting things as they come. They value action over passive acceptance, even if that may not be the wisest or safest choice. Don't try to tell a Time-bound to sit still and look pretty. They are very goal-focused, and tend to value the destination over the journey, and you won't find them making that journey in any traditional sort of way. To quote cheesy posters found on many a guidance counselor's wall - "impossible is just a word". If you need a miracle, they are who you call. At their best, the Time-bound are empathetic and relentless problem-solvers. At their worst they are ruthless, defensive, and impulsive.

Isabella (Blood) - Those bound to the aspect of Blood draw their strength from bonds, from the trust and camaraderie that blooms among a group of people who all share a single vision. Blood-bound are absolutely leaders, but they inhabit more of an inspirational role than a commanding one. They are prophets, rather than generals, giving others the strength and motivation to keep fighting. The Blood-bound can dispense excellent advice even when their own lives and interpersonal relationships are disasters. They can be very "do as I say, not as I do" types. A Blood-bound can often be found on a sinking ship, forcing an endeavor forward with sheer stubborn force of will. No matter how bad things go, a Blood-bound can always count on friends and allies. At their best, they are charismatic, uplifting, and magnetic. At their worst they can be sullen, unkind, and set-in-their-ways.

Baljeet (Mind) - Those bound to the aspect of Mind are - you guessed it - the universe's great thinkers. But don't for a second think that means that they have all the answers. They are very concerned with remaining rational, and they have such a firm hold on the constant conjunction of their thinking that it's easy for them to see the multitudes of the choices laid out before them, which often leaves them frozen and unable to act. That said, when a Mind-bound finally launches into action, they can execute a plan with unbelievable grace and precision. Their identity is fluid - it can change from day-to-day, from thought-to-thought, from interaction-to-interaction. Remaining logical is more important to them than building up a solid foundation of "self." At their best they are great innovators, architects, and creators. At their worst they can be nasty, inflexible, and indecisive.

Buford (Rage) - Those bound to the aspect of Rage are bringers of chaos. They posses great contempt for lies or false ideas, including the stability that false ideas can impart. To them, the true is far more important than the good; they would tear down a system just to destabilize it if, by their reckoning, it is built on faulty premises. Often the Rage-bound prefer anarchy to any of the alternate forms of civilization, which they believe to be riddled with lies and foolishness and obedient masses. They are bringers of confusion and doubt, and they can be frustratingly difficult to convince otherwise when they have attached themselves to an idea. If they sound dangerous, they are. The Rage-bound tend to be most volatile and unpredictable of the aspects. At their best they are original, revolutionary, and fearless. At their worst they are cruel, uncompromising, and vicious.

[dreadhaus-literature]

{A/N} ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

I~ have been playing (and just finished!) Batman: The Telltale Series, and I want to talk about it, because I just have...a lot of feelings about it.

So uhm, be mindful below the cut. (♡´艸`)

First things first, I will admit I wasn’t expecting to...get into this game, lol. I decided to play it on a whim, just to sorta...I consider myself “toes wet” with DC (I know Bunny tends to give me more credit than that because she’s a peach ♥) but I figure, this’ll get me more ankle deep, even if it’s not like “canon” or anything--which, comic canon is weird and fluid so whatever, I’m not being real strict with the Telltale TL being canon.

Anyway.

So I figured I’d just play it and see some babies and enjoy that...but I got into it. Being able to be in the driver’s seat, making decisions as Bruce and really simulating his life endeared me to him and his universe more than I anticipated.

It’s one thing, to read comics and see writer’s words coming out of character’s mouths and being all, “Yeah, okay,” but when you’re making the decisions, it personalizes it. And unsurprisingly, I played a compassionate, empathetic, emotional Bruce Wayne, not some stunted machismo machine in a bat cowl like some writers and fanboys want him to be.

So I guess it’s safe to say this made me love him more.

I noticed something, playing--and it’s true Telltale style, like the Walking Dead games, where you have a wheel of sentence choices that determine your path--and it’s that Bruce runs into the same sort of problem that I see with Steve Rogers. I don’t see it quite as much with Tony, but Steve has a problem with writers wanting him to be some white bread, bulging bicep “JUSTICE FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER” machine when there’s so much more to him than that. It’s like uh, like the recent Civil War re-read that I did with Monica, that line where he’s criticizing his soldiers by calling them “Nancies” and basically comparing them to women--but Steve Rogers, MY Steve Rogers, guzzles his respect women juice because he respected and loved the absolute fuck out of Peggy Carter. But it’s writers who put that shit in his mouth and make him say and do things that then make me side-eye the fuck out of him.

And I’m realizing Bruce has the same issue, and I realized that playing this game, and seeing how he talks to people and really playing up the fact that he does have a heart and he does have feelings--and don’t get me wrong. I’m fine with emotionally stunted characters, I think it’s cute, but I’m on about those buttplugs who like, don’t write Bruce treating his sons like his sons because it makes him “soft” or when they make him treat Alfred or Clark/his teammates like shit or when he openly beats his own kids, like??? Fuck off, that’s not what I’m interested in and to be honest I don’t think that’s who Bruce Wayne is supposed to be.

So playing this game and going the compassionate route, going the route of making Bruce appreciate Alfred and Lucius and Harvey, people who support him and are his friends/family, it reminds me when we were reading the War on Jokes arc and seeing Bruce initiate the “I love you’s”. That shit about melted my heart and to be honest was right up there with his penchant for adopting kids that really made me notice him. To make me give a shit about him and not just because he’s Batman.

Which, by the way, I fucking love that he says that? Like Tony says it, “I am Iron Man,” and it’s cute they share a catchphrase or whatever, but I love that Bruce says it with a straight face and at the most ridiculous times.

I won’t go into like, a full rundown of the game or anything--to be honest I wasn’t going to talk about the game at all, but I surprised myself being so into it and full of feelings about it that I just wanted to talk about it somewhere.

I think I’ll start with the character designs, because it was real hit or miss.

Hit:

Harvey Dent*

John Doe/Joker

Bruce Wayne (...eventually)

Miss:

Selina Kyle

Alfred Pennyworth

Oswald Cobblepot

Now, take my criticisms and compliments with a grain of salt, please~ My tastes are eclectic at best and I like things that are different/out of the norm, so. And it has nothing to do with the character, this is strictly aesthetic.

Let’s start with the hits--Harvey.

I’m sure my love for him here is unsurprising~ But lemme talk about it anyway.

He was a big beefy boi in this game and I was 👀 from freaking jump. I went into this game blind so I had no idea he was even in it, but he was noticeably the biggest boy (okay well almost, there was this one bigger Frankensteinesque dude I didn’t recognize and whose name WAS NEVER GIVEN TO ME) on the block--haha lemme give him Brenn’s title as the Buffest Boy on the Block. He filled his suits OUT and I was here for it. I loved his facial structure, which surprised me considering I didn’t think I’d be keen on Telltale’s art styles.

As for the * up there on his name, I want to say that I went the route of saving Harvey from himself, so I didn’t let him turn fully into Two Face (this go ‘round at least) but I did see that ridiculous mask they gave him and that’s a huge thumbs down for me.

Lemme see them beautiful scars pls.

He looks delectable as Two Face so the only negative is that mask they tried to give him for whatever reason. 0/10, would take that off immediately.

Next up is Mr. John Doe, aka Joker.

And I have to say, like Bruce, he really surprised me--one, because I didn’t know he was in this either (IDK SHIT ABOUT DC STUFF, SO) but two, because I wasn’t prepared to really pay him all that much attention. Harvey’s a given; he, like Arthur, I had a soft spot for anyway because of Kayla’s rampant hatred (thus, giving me a need to love them as unloved characters) but Joker? Everyone loves Joker, so I was tipping toward, like, patting him on the head and sending him on his way kinda thing.

Nope. No. He showed up and I was like ???? WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE ALL OF THE SUDDEN.

Seriously, this art style fucked me up when it came to him. He’s stupid adorable in this game.

I MEAN WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO KISS THIS FACE?????

I’m fucking annoyed by it, I think because I was prepared to just breeze by him, but like I don’t wanna slap him or anything but it gives me the same cute aggression small humans and kitties do. I wanna squish his face and just coo over it, that smile is infuriatingly infectious.

Idk why I find him so cute in this particular style but it was like getting punched in the chest, like he showed up and saved me/Bruce and all the sudden I’m like, murder whoever you want just keep...smiling?

And don’t get me wrong, I’m all for his edgy styles, there are some where he’s almost monstrous-looking, grotesque and the like and you know that tickles my fancy but this particular Joker tickled another fancy of mine. He was almost like a puppy, here.

Eager.

So yeah. I guess I have a crush on Joker now.

And last but not least on the Hit list--Bruce Wayne.

And I’ll admit, as I did up here, that this look took me a little while to come to appreciate. Reminds me a lot of how I felt about Peter from ItSV, but I love that look on him now and that’s how I feel about Bruce. This grew on me the more I played, although when I started I thought he looked way too much like Archer.

And it seems I wasn’t the only one.

And while, like with Peter B., this particular incarnation won’t be my favorite Bruce Wayne look, there’s a softness to this particular incarnation that seemed to really suit the way I played him--which might be why I liked it.

There was a nice touch, though, because when he slipped on the cowl, when he became Batman, there was a decided shift not only in his personality but his physicality, too--

Which reminded me of something I’d read where Clark does the same thing.

So yeah, this incarnation took a little to grow on me, and it may not be my favorite, but I did come to at least appreciate it.

Now let’s talk about the Misses, starting with Miss Kyle.

And it’s weird, because as Catwoman she was stunning and there’s this one scene with her eyeliner on fucking point and it was SENDING ME. Good fucking god I was a dumb dyke through the whole scene, I doubt I could remember a word she said.

But there on the left, her hair was like some weird mix of a bob but too long and uneven to be one? And don’t get me started on her baby ponytail; it seemed too...childish? Sloppy? For her.

And something was off about her mouth. Idk if it was Telltale’s style or if the graphics were a little stiff but her mouth bothered me the entire freaking game.

I feel bad about saying Alfred was a miss but again, this is just from an aesthetic point. The man is a saint otherwise and I won’t say a cross word about him.

It’s not even that I dislike this particular look of his, it’s just, I have a favorite look of his and this is so far from it (and most of his normal looks) that sometimes through the game it would take me a half second to remember this is supposed to be Alfred.

It was like with Bruce, only it didn’t grow on me quite the same.

Like I said, I just have a favored look of Alfred’s (I’d dig up the picture but it’s on my phone and I’m lazy) and this just didn’t make the cut.

Uhm and lastly, Oswald.

Out of the Rogues of Gotham I feel like I don’t know Victor Freeze and Oswald Cobblepot...nearly well enough to be talking about them. But the game dealt with Oz so...I’m here talking about him.

And really my issue with him is that...to me he was barely recognizable because I only know Penguin by his typical outlandish look--short, round as a goddamn beach ball, and with that insane curved/hooked nose.

So I may be wrong in that he does look like this sometimes? I really wouldn’t know, like I said I don’t know Mr. Cobblepot very well at all. I just was surprised he looked like this and when Bruce was all, “Penguin?” I was also ?????? but for a different fucking reason, lmao.

I didn’t put Jim up here because he’s always on point regardless of what he looks like, so. 10/10, no notes for you, Jim. ♥

So moving beyond eye candy, the actual game itself, like I said, it was a surprisingly endearing way to be introduced to Gotham. It’s one thing to read the comics and see this particular writer’s vision of what Gotham is and who Bruce Wayne is, but with me in the driver’s seat and getting to make decisions, I got to shape Gotham and Bruce/Batman the way I would like them to be (at least as much as the game allows, lol) and there’s definitely something to be said about that.

I made sure to try and stick at least somewhat to how I think Bruce would have reacted to some things--especially as Batman. I like to stay true to superheroes’ brands (in terms of gameplay, writing is another story) so I kept the no-killing and tried to be...less violent than I might have been if I were, say, Frank. Which helped me win over Jim, so~ Haha but I uhm, I went the compassionate route with Bruce as Bruce Wayne, I was supportive of those around me and appreciative of them.

Unsurprisingly there was a Bruce/Selina aspect to the game, and I played that more as myself, because like Bunny I don’t really like them together. Selina is fine on her own, I see what she was saying about that, but seeing the way Selina is with people--she says things to hurt Bruce just to do it, and I’m...not down with that. Emotional maturity is a thing, lol, maybe she could steal some of that.

Ha-cha~ That joke isn’t funny but I said it anyway.

But I get it. I...palmed Bruce’s face out of the way and just gave the emotional answers as myself and I could see beyond Selina’s words to what she’s hiding--or trying to. You hurt others to keep yourself from being hurt, I’ve seen that sort of behavior before and I get she’s hiding her feelings by lashing out--a lot like a kitty with her claws out. So I have respect for her as a character because of the complexity, it’s just not how you go about having a relationship with someone, lol.

Like she stole some shit from Bruce, was fine to do it, so I retaliated by stealing some of her tech because i’m a petty ass bitch and she got bitey with me about it.

Like girl.

I also, like I said, went the route of supporting Harvey...because of course I did. I defended him every chance I got, funded his campaign...even after he told me he was distancing himself from me (let me LOVE YOU) and when he started to snap and Two Face was trying to get out, I refused to fight him and encouraged him to get help.

In the end, when Harvey turned on Bruce and literally tried to kill Alfred, Jim asked Batman if Harvey should “rot in prison,” or be sent to Arkham to get help.

I...know Arkham is corrupt and that’s a whole thing in and of itself but I went the compassionate route and sent Harvey to get help.

In the end, I saw Harvey in a cell. He refused to come out and help the inmates during a riot, but the poor baby actually looked kind of afraid?

And not to like, go off on a rant or anything but it was interesting seeing this take on Harvey/Two Face. I could relate to it, in a way, because it reminded me of my Alters and how I created Drette and especially misi to sort of allow myself to be and feel things that I typically try to hide.

Two Face started to show himself and though he...wasn’t nice to Harvey, he did defend him and insist he was there to protect Harvey, that “no one will ever hurt or take advantage of him again”.

Touched my heart. ♥

Selina was also playing Harvey, 100% using him for her own means and she said, about him, “Poor guy just wanted to fall in love so bad.”

AND THAT BROKE MY HEART.

He did seem very lost in this game, like this need to be Mayor and to be this big shot attorney was trying to fill a void, make up for some inadequacies he felt he had.

I’ve always been a sucker for broken toys.

And speaking of broken toys, Joker’s whole deal really wasn’t touched on much in this game (it is in the second one, which I’ll probably start after work) but I want to talk about the fact that I was like one of like 15% of people who promised Joker a favor and I’m fucking weak over it.

Lemme set the scene--Bruce, stuck in Arkham, befriends Joker (because I fucking made him) and Joker says he’ll get Bruce out of Arkham “but you’ll owe me a favor~ When I get out of here.”

And you had a choice, to owe him a favor or not.

I was 0% hesitation to shake his hand, lmao, and I didn’t think much of it until I got to the end of the chapter and it was like, “You and 15% of others agreed to owe Joker a favor.”

And I was like...? Oh shit that probably was a bad idea, lmao.

HE’S CUTE, LIKE I SAID. TF YOU WANT FROM ME.

And Bruce’s little Codex journal (which was adorable, btw) updated to include the favor I promised and he wrote, “Not a big deal to owe a favor to a psycho who will never get out of Arkham, right?”

Which- 1) You’re adorably naive if you think he’s not getting out. 2) I legit didn’t consider it being a bad idea.

So I owe Joker a favor to be collected later and I should probably be concerned because the end of the game showed Joker out and fanboying over Bruce in a bar.

SO. (oﾟ□ﾟ)o  YEAH. TBC.

There were other highlights to the game, like getting to comfort and protect a little boy (BE STILL MY MATERNAL HEART) and for FUCK’S sake, Oswald taking over Wayne Enterprises for a bit.

The entire thing was infuriating as fuck, like I mildly wanted to kick Oz in the face repeatedly by the end of the game, but the scene where Bruce gets his company back and he’s looking at all the shit Oswald did while he had it--I was absolutely in hysterics.

First of all, Oswald used COMIC FUCKING SANS to cross out Bruce’s name and write “Cobblepot Enterprises” on the website. I fucking lost my mind. It was so childish and petty and the YELLOW font looked SO OUT OF PLACE WITH BRUCE’S SRS BUSINESS FONT EVERYWHERE ELSE.

But it gets better.

Oswald had his team hack Gotham’s public records and not only did he change Bruce’s Ivy League diploma to Sociology BUT HE FUCKING CHANGED BRUCE’S MEDICAL RECORDS TO SAY HE HAD SEVERAL STD’S.

WHEN I TELL YOU I FUCKING SCREAMED.

I had to pause the game because I was laughing so hard I couldn’t hear Alfred.

AND BRUCE FACEPALMED AS HE READ THE LIST and my god. I lost years off my laugh, laughing that hard.

I’ve talked quite a bit more than I intended to so I’ll wrap this up but before I do, I want to touch on one more thing and I think it’s that DC really did a good job with making Alfred the reason Bruce is a good man, a hero.

I haven’t read or seen or consumed all the Batman media that’s out there, but this is the fourth or fifth time I’ve seen Bruce’s parents turn out to be absolute shits. I mean this time it was only his father who was a dickhead, but the times his parents turn out to be garbage people vs actual decent human beings is like 6 to 1. And the one time I’m thinking of was some alternate dimension so I’m not even sure that counts.

So as someone who has pretty fucked up parents I think it’s nice to see a story where your parents don’t make you who you are. That timeline where Bruce’s parents lived and he turned into this spoiled, entitled brat, where it really showed that Alfred was the one who molded and shaped the good man who grew up to be Bruce Wayne, Gotham’s Golden Son...I think that’s so important. I really like that side of Bruce’s backstory, I think it’s something that isn’t as touched on as much as it should be.

There wouldn’t be a Batman without Alfred and it isn’t just because Alfred is always there at the end of the com when Bruce needs him.

And you can bet your sweet butt I made Bruce say that to Alfred at the end of the game. And Alfred got all teary and I got all teary and this is that qUALITY CONTENT.

Also? I’m super ashamed at the amount of people I saw in the stats who turned on Harvey and abandoned Alfred. I was in the minority a lot of time for shit I def shouldn’t have been in the minority for.

Half the time the stats would roll and I’m left looking at the PISS POOR CHOICES OF THE COMMON MAN LIKE

Y’all some worthless motherfuckers.

So yes! This was a lot of fun to play and I’m absolutely giddy to start the next game, especially since I get to see Puppy!Joker in it. And he’s going to be friends with Bruce because I’M IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT NOW, BATMAN.

Buckle up, Brucie, we’re full speed ahead toward Crazytown. ٩( ᐛ )و

[purplesurveys]

207

Can you remember the first survey that you ever took?  I don’t remember taking it but it’s permanently on the Internet on my old survey blog also on Tumblr. It was in 2012 and I was a completely sociopathic person back then...I can’t even do a then-and-now version of that first survey because my answers were dreadful as fuck. What did you spend the majority of the last night doing?  I took forever to answer one survey that I ended up finishing just now, and then I watched a new episode of my show. Have you ever had a particularly disturbing dream? About?  I have had a lot but the ones that’ve been most disturbing are the dreams that involve me or Gabie getting shot. There was one time last year that I had a streak of dreams, all of them about Gabie being shot different ways. Safe to say I often woke up heaving and crying and having to call her. What goes through your mind when someone threatens suicide?  I panic, honestly. I’m not necessarily the go-to person for suicide threats, being suicidal myself. It’s just going to cause me to be overwhelmed; but I will try my best to be instrumental in convincing them not to, of course. Have you ever expressed that you wanted to kill yourself?  Yes. [trigger warning] The worst of it was a few months ago when I let my closest friends know that I had everything planned out, all their questions answered, have my things designated for certain people. It had to take some pretty persistent and harsh convincing for me to finally change my mind.

Should gay marriage be legalized? What are your reasons?  As common sense dictates, yes. I doubt it will ever happen in the Philippines any time soon though as we have, for the longest time, been a Catholic, traditional, and conservative country. If the tides ever turned, it wouldn’t be for a long, long time, and with brutal opposition from the Catholic majority.

As for my reasons, I mean isn’t it simply so that everybody has equal rights in marriage? It’s more than ‘people can love who they love’–at the face of the law it’s really just so that everyone has the same opportunities when it comes to marrying the person that they’re with, deeming discrimination useless. Traditional people are a huge pain in my ass for this.

Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances?  If the baby was already in such a debilitating condition even before birth that there is no chance of them surviving childhood, yes. I don’t know about other cases and I’ll only ever know about how I would react if the situation was already right in front of me. What do you think of people who get abortions?  I can’t make a blanket statement about something like that. Let’s just say I believe it needs to stay legal and available. < Yep especially to the first part. I always just say to myself that every woman had their reasons. What was the last bug you killed?  An annoying one that kept walking all over my laptop screen last night. Do you ever argue or debate with people about your beliefs?  At the most minimal level. I don’t really like getting into arguments nowadays, plus it’s really helpful that all of my friends have homogeneous beliefs when it comes to touchy topics in the country like politics, religion, sex, etc. If yes, when was the last time?  Probably at the dinner table a couple of months ago when my dad unfortunately started defending our perverted murderous fascist of a president. When was the last time you felt turned on?  Two weeks ago... :/ Didn’t see Gab at all last week so. When was the last time you felt disgusted with someone/something?  A couple of hours ago. I was reheating my pasta when I unconsciously drooled... Do you typically finish all the food you put on your plate?  Yes. Do you continue eating even when you are full?  I do that in buffet restaurants so I could get my money’s worth. What is the most wasteful thing that you do on a regular basis? Coming from a school that was really strict about staying green and eco-friendly, I’ve always been more conscious about the things I use and how not to waste them. What is one weird eating habit that you have?  I dip everything in mayonnaise so long as there is mayonnaise available. What is something other people tease you about?  My chest. It was annoying as a teenager but I don’t mind it at all now when they brutally roast me on my lack of a chest. Does it bother you to be teased about this?  No, because to be fair the jokes they make about it are funny :(( Would you rather suffer from anorexia or bulimia?  What the actual fuck. < This is the worst question.  What is the worst question a survey could ask you?  The previous one is one of them. Do you think it’s okay for a survey to ask if you’ve been raped? Why?  It always surprises me to see it, but I guess survey takers tend to overshare anyway so maybe it’s not too far out there. < Agree. It just becomes concerning to me when it becomes a trigger to some. Would you answer such a question honestly, if faced with it?  I always have. If you are a vegetarian, do you look down on people that eat meat?  I’m not a vegetarian, but I wouldn’t look down on omnivores if I ever converted since I ate meat once too... Why do you think some vegetarians behave that way?  Dunno. Maybe because they’re overly proud and believe they’re on a whole other higher level that they were able to get over meat, something most people love to eat and live on. Kind of the same case with some straight-edge people who get very preachy about drinking, because a lot of people drink for fun and for socializing. At the end of the day I think it’s sometimes about the human tendency to think they are cool because they aren’t doing something popular haha but idk that’s just how I see it. Some vegetarians lay out respectable arguments and knowledge though; that I have no problem with. If you eat meat, what do you tend to think of vegetarians/vegans?  I have loads of respect for them for living such a lifestyle that takes lots of restraint and willpower at first. I like their dedication, especially if they are doing it for ethical reasons. I know I would have a reeeeally difficult time trying to change my entire diet, which I’m planning to do once I’m capable of sustaining myself. If you paint your nails, what color do you generally choose?  I don’t know. A nice shade of dark pink would be nice though. If you could spend a day as the opposite gender, what would you do?  Get a boner, masturbate, hahahahahahahahahaha. What are some good things about your gender?  We are generally more caring and warmer. I also like the fact that we are emotional, since it helps build relationships more. Most of the women I know are empathetic too, which I admire. What are some of the downsides?  Women love tearing women down. It has always baffled me. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to start life over?  Yes. Sounds perfect to me. What might you do differently?  The better situation would be if I lived a different life altogether, and not starting the same life over. All of the horrible things that happened in my childhood were not my doing and thus it would be pointless if I just had to relive another decade in a house that didn’t help my well-being at all. If you could spend a year living in a foreign country, which would it be?  South Korea. Why did you make this particular choice?  Just because I’m biased. And I’ve watched too many Korean programs to know how to survive there at the most basic level. What is the next big event you have planned, if any?  Not really an event and definitely not something I planned, but I’m going on a field trip to Pampanga with my art studies class this Saturday. What do you do to entertain yourself on long car rides?  A good playlist would help tons. I don’t like talking to my family so that’s useless. Occasionally I would bring my own movies to watch, but there are times that I get dizzy more easily than usual. What do you say to someone who is annoying you?  I don’t usually waste my time talking to them. How do you let someone know you don’t like them?  I don’t talk to them in the first place. If that can’t be avoided, I’m usually able to keep it civil until they do something that’d piss me off. When was the last time you felt insecure? What happened?  Last night. I don’t really want to go into detail about it. How did/do you feel about learning to drive? Who taught you?  I was scared and heavily convinced at first that I would never learn and never get past driving inside my village. My dad taught me, but eventually I got enrolled in driving school, where he paid for only three days’s worth of lessons. What do you think of people that like the Twilight series?  I think that we ought to talk about it together heh. I don’t like the crazy fans though, if they still exist these days. What do you think of using lyrics to express how you feel?  I have no problem with it. I use that on Twitter sometimes; coping becomes easier that way. Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? It doesn’t matter, whatever just looks best at that time. When’s the last time you had Sunny D? I don’t know what that is. Is there anything hot pink within five feet of you? My notebook. Have you ever told someone you hated them and meant it? Nope. I said it to my siblings as a kid but obviously those weren’t meant. I’ve never said those words to someone in this age. Do you and your friends ever make up ‘code names’ for people? We did that in fifth grade for our crushes. Would you rather go out to breakfast, lunch or dinner? Dinner. Do you know how to work a barbecue? I don’t. Do you find it rude when people text when they’re talking to you? It’s the worst. I always, always put my phone away when talking with someone. What would you do if the last person you spoke to on the phone asked you to marry them? Yes, but get back to me in like eight years. What’s the longest you’ve ever been out of your state/province? A week and a few days. Do you know anyone who has written a book? Yep, my professors. Would you rather have eggs or waffles for breakfast? Waffles. I love eggs equally, but that’s what I have all the time so it’d be nice for a change. How many people could you fit (standing up) in your kitchen? It starts to get cramped by the time 20 people are there. How long would it take to walk to the nearest McDonald’s? Right now? It’s probably a 30-minute walk. Does your best friend have any pets? Yes, they both have dogs. Is there something that happened to you ages ago but seems like only yesterday? Yuh. A kid never forgets seeing their relatives in a drunken stupor every night. Where would you go if you wanted a fake ID? I don’t know any resources. I’m too honest to have my own made :// What would you do if the last person you laughed with dated your best friend? “Duuuuude. Why?” Who’s the last person you shot a dirty look to? Not a person, it was a stupid 10-wheeler. What was your second to last conversation about? Forgot. I haven’t opened my mouth to talk for a while now. Do you drink milk/juice from the carton if no one is around? [continued from a few days ago] No. Mostly because of an incident when I was a kid - I drank milk from the carton once and it turned out to be spoiled. Never tried it again. Do you know anyone who broke a limb from being in a car accident? No, but they broke their nose. Have you ever burned a photo of you and a person you were angry with? OMG no, that’s super theatrical though hahaha. Would you prefer working at a grocery store or an ice cream parlor? Why? I guess an ice cream parlor. It seems more chill and I like dealing with kids anyway. The grocery is always filled with rude old people. Has anyone ever told you they liked you in a realllly sweet way? Yes. Is there any ice cream in your house right now? What kind? We do have a tub of cookies and cream ice cream in the ref. What’s the best part of sleepovers? All the stories that come out of them. What’s the most comfy thing to sleep in? A blanket. Does the last person who sent you a message online wear makeup? Dunno, maybe? I don’t know her all that well yet. Would you rather have an overly cheerful cashier, or a completely silent one? Cheerful. It does wonders to my day. Do you cry at weddings? No...I was a kid for most of the weddings I’ve been to so it was just me waiting for it to be over. Still, at this age I still don’t think I would cry. Do you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night frequently? Yeah. I just wake up. Do you bring pillows on road trips? We already have pillows in the car so that we don’t have to take out the ones from the house.  What’s the most important thing for a road trip? For me, cellphone signal. I always want to be talking to my girlfriend when I go somewhere far away. Has a member of the opposite sex ever given you jewlery? No. Do you like camping, or would you rather stay home? Camping if it’s with a bunch of people I love and only if it’s well-planned. Other than that, I would rather be home. Do you know anyone whose name is your middle name? I have never met anyone with the same maiden name. Do you think Super Bad was as funny as everyone said? I haven’t even seen it. If you wanted a hamburger right now, where would you go? Burger King just across our village. What about a new pair of shoes? There’s a place called Just Things but their prices are outrageous, so I’d rather go somewhere a little farther but is more affordable, The Playground. Do you find sleeping in cars easy? That’s only posisble if I’m too tired. Usually I’m unable to. How long would your hair be if you cut off eight inches? My hair might just reach the tip of my head then... Would you do that? I’d rather fully shave my head than have an awkward chunk sitting at its tip. Have you ever woke up with someone you didn’t know next to you? Nope. Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? No. I’d never want to do anything that would piss them off...quite the contrary. I would do everything they asked me to and more. Her mom has told me she loves me. Her dad is less affectionate but clearly approves of me. Have you ever been friends with a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s siblings? I was closer to them when they were younger. They’re now teenagers so they’ve been more shy around me these days, but I love them and am always working on getting closer to them. Who’s the last person you told to shut up? Probably my sister. Do you know who Blair Waldorf is? Only because of the media and my friends. Do you own any hot pink clothes? Nope.

[xavierfiles-blog]

Christina Strain's Generation X is a Bunch of Weirdos Written By One

Christina Strain’s Generation X is one of the most anticipated titles of the upcoming RessurXtion line up. Christian was perviously a colorist before chaging gears and writing for SyFy’s THE MAGICIANS. 

XF: X-Men means a lot of things to a lot of people but what is X-Men to you?

CS: The X-Men were probably, aside from Batman, the first superheroes that I really latched onto. It was like reading a book about a bunch of misfits in high school, which was exactly how I felt. So it was a book that was really easy to identify with. So for me, X-Men was the book the made me a little more OK about who I was. I think that’s pretty much what that book was made to do and I just want to keep that going.

XF: So let’s talk about Generation X specifically. You’ve got quite a cast. What made you go with such an out there cast?

CS: I love that you asked this question after the previous question. There’s a very specific reason we have loving referred to them as the lovable losers. In the beginning, I told Daniel [Ketchum, editor] right away that one of the things I noticed about comics recently is that they’ve become such a mainstream thing. You have all of these X-Men that are just so cool and they’re so spectacular. When I was growing up one of the things about comics was that only nerds read them. Nobody knew who Iron Man was, let alone Tony Stark. Now you have people that know exactly who that is. So what I wanted to do was go back to the root of what I loved about X-Men in general and work with characters who didn’t fit it. To go back to the thing I emotionally latched onto.

Quentin and Jubilee are everywhere for sure but at the same time, they are still misfits. Everybody else on the team is the same way. They’ve were created before I showed up, but they aren’t particularly well known or frequently used characters. I wanted to give them their moment to shine and highlight that even though they are different they are just as special as every other X-Men character.

It’s so funny, but every time I see someone negatively react to Gen X and say “Who the hell is this cast?” I’m like, “that’s the point!” I’m so excited about using characters that maybe we’ve all forgotten. You don’t expect it.

XF: You’re never gonna have a cast that satisfies everyone, but those 4 people who really love Nature Girl are going to be so pumped to see her in the spotlight.

CS: I am actually surprised that she isn’t more popular. First of all, she’s way more useful than I realized when I first started and secondly, her design is fantastic. Amilcar [Pinna, artist] has been adorable. He loves drawing her. I just feel like she is so easy to cosplay and at the same time fun to draw so I am kinda surprised she’s not bigger than she is. But good for me, I got her.

XF: On that same note, who have you been most excited to write in this whole thing.

CS: I gotta be honest, I love them all which is a terrible freaking answer. I do love Quentin; who I know is a very polarizing character. My favorite version of Quentin is the one who can’t admit what he really wants so he’s just dry and sarcastic. But deep down he’s like the Grinch, he’s got a tiny pink center somewhere in there. Which is fun to write because he’s so bad at being good.

I’ve also had a good time writing Nathaniel, who’s new. He’s kinda based on a friend of mine, who I love dearly. It’s kinda like I’ve been writing a love letter to my friend which starts with “hey buddy, guess what, you’re in a book!”

I’ve also really enjoyed Benjamin Deeds. He’s weird, a little bit of a marshmallow, but at the same time he’s the glue of the team which I didn’t see coming. He’s been a very good empathetic character— which I was expecting to be Trevor (Eye-Boy) but Trevor’s coming out a little goofier than I expected him to be.

XF: Wait, wait, wait, he’s a little goofier than a guy covered in eyeballs would be expected to be?

CS: [Laughs] The thing with Eye-Boy’s abilities is that he should be the most empathetic character that completely understands everybody, but the way that I’ve been writing him is that he is overly focused on certain things. Like, he’ll understand the motivations behind a character’s actions, but not that he shouldn’t say what those motivations are out loud. As I’m writing him, I’m realizing that he “sees all” but really understands very little. Which has been a lot of fun.

And then again Nature Girl, I’ve put a little spin on her that I don’t want to say too much about. They’ve all been a good time. And oh, Bling! Oh my god! I have a lot of feelings about Roxy but I won’t go into that. No spoilers.

XF: The Purifier’s are solicited as the antagonists of the first couple of issues. What got you thinking of using the Purifier’s again?

CS: So they’re not a huge threat in Generation X. We wanted a villain that the school’s prepared to deal with. This isn’t a group that they haven’t run across before. In Kitty’s mind (she’s now running the school) the future X-Men are prepared to deal with this group, so they should be fine. But this book isn’t about them. This book is about our lovable losers and how they maybe screw that up. We just wanted a starter villain to show the pros and cons of what our team could do and the Purifiers seemed like a pretty natural choice for that.

XF: You mentioned the future X-Men. Any hints of who that might be?

CS: To be honest I haven’t sat down and divided the whole school up yet, partially because I want the focus of this book to be on our kids. So the majority of what’s going on with the future X-Men and future ambassadors you’ll see in certain roles in the periphery and sometimes their paths will intertwine, but that’s about it.

I’ll straight up say Broo’s a future ambassador. Pixie, Greymalkin, they’re future X-Men. Shark-Girl also a future X-Man. These classes will kinda come in and out and there will be a few issues where you get more students than others.

XF: You previously were a colorist, pretty famously on Runaways, and now you’re writing. What has that transition been like?

CS: Oh it’s been weird! In a good way. I think the weirdest part about the whole thing is, if you told me at the beginning of my career “hey gurl you gonna be writing!” I’d be like “what dot dot dot huh?” It’s been crazy! And I’m one of those people who feel very compelled to work until they feel like they’ve “earned it,” so that’s a whole thing. Maybe it’s because my mom’s given me a complex about working in comics instead of being a doctor, so I’m just trying to prove a point to her? I don’t know. Anyway, transitioning’s been interesting because I know getting hired as a writer at Marvel is a very difficult thing to do, but I already sort of had an in, but I didn’t want to exploit it. But, because I landed staff writing job on THE MAGICIANS before I was offered the White Fox story I did with Sana Takeda for Civil War II: Choosing Sides, a lot of that pressure was alleviated. I felt like I had earned it.

When Gen X came up I was super excited because Daniel was like “do you wanna do something similar to Runaways?” and if you ask me that I will always say yes. Regardless of what I’m working on, if anything has a Runaways feel to it I am down to clown. I love me some teen drama. So I feel good about the environment, but the actually job itself? It’s great, but still a little foreign. Like, if you handed me some pages so color, I’d look at it and go “I know exactly what I’m doing with this,” because I was so comfortable with coloring. But with writing, I’m still felling some stuff out because I’ve still got a lot of room to grow as a writer.

XF: Speaking of Runaways, how is Molly Hayes not in this book?

CS: OK look, she was the first person on this list to put in this book. You know we’re internally calling these guys the lovable losers, to me Molly Hayes was kinda the star of Runaways. She was the best. I love her so dearly. It was funny because when we were talking about it, Jubilee was the first character we picked and the next person was definitely Molly. Daniel was like “really?” And I was like “you’ve got a good point, she might be too cool for this book.” I’m surprised she’s not the star of her own book in all honesty, Molly is just the best character. The only character in Runaways I was ever terrified of dying was Molly. I was just like, if she dies I’m rage quitting this book. So yeah, Molly is too cool for Generation X.

XF: Just to wrap it up, what do you want fans to be most excited about in this book?

CF: I think just get excited to have some fun. My goal is to have a Runaways tone to it. I wouldn’t say it takes itself overly seriously. It’s not a deep, dark, dramatic book. It’s a bunch of weirdos hanging out written by a human weirdo. So get ready for some weird fun.

Thanks again to Christina for talking with us about Generation X. Make sure to check it out this May! Oh and check the cool new pages for the first issue below!

Christina Strain’s Generation X is a Bunch of Weirdos Written By One was originally published on Xavier Files