#guess ill have to wait another year
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why did no one tell me the tentaclinger earring was back until it was too late to get it
#im not grinding to lvl 94 or whatever by the 29 fuck that#guess ill have to wait another year#fuck battle pass shit i hate this
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Who is this guy?
It's none other than Mrs Kobayashi's grandson Riku! Riku is the only relative who lives the closest to her, so he finds the time to visit outside his busy work. Training on the slopes can be intense and he's also a model from a popular agency, but he tries to come at least once a week. When he came today, his grandmother was so excited to introduce a girl to him! Well he's been single for a while and he loves meeting new people; of course he'd be happy to go on this blind date!
#ts4#sims 4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#tjol legacy#tjolc#tjolc gen 1#eiko kobayashi#riku kobayashi#youve waited a year for me to show his face hahaha HERE HE IS!!!!!#another one of my handsome guys 🫶#you can probably guess#it will be a love triangle and yeah tough decisions FOR MEEEEEE#no not for suzume thats right ME how do i pick they are both so 🥹#i have already decided who (i think) but ill let the story play out first#posting early because i want to show his face 👍 hes so cute as well!
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//went to the dr and all they did was take my fucking blood... again
#ooc#this time they're testing my vitamin d to see if i might be deficient#while i hope that's the case because that can be easily cured i've also HAD a vit d deficiency before and it felt NOTHING like this#granted i guess this could be a more severe deficiency#but idk i feel like they're laser focusing on the fatigue i initially reported and not the constant horrible body pain that's set in#and worsened in the couple months since i made the appointment#like i had the pain with the fatigue as well but it wasn't constant. now it's FUCKING CONSTANT.#it's not always at the worst possible level but it's pretty much always there in some form or another#and tbh this is like. the 3rd time they've taken blood with the first 2 tests yielding no clue as to what could be wrong with me#so i know they need to do it to check and/or rule out everything but like#it's so frustrating. being in constant pain. and constantly being told to 'wait for results' that so far have yielded nothing#nothing that points to what's wrong anyway#so i hope it IS a vit d deficiency and i hope my gut feeling that it's not is way off the mark#because a deficiency can be fixed with some supplements and boom all better#but if it's not.... then i have to face the reality that this is probably some kind of chronic illness#which i've been coming to realize that it might be#but it still fucking sucks#because this time last year i was Literally Fucking Fine#and now i'm just. so fucking sick. and sick of BEING sick.#and every time i go in i feel like i'm rushed right out. like i mention my concerns but i don't have the time to think if there's something#i've forgotten because they're rushing me towards the lab to get my blood drawn. again.#and usually there is#but this is literally the only clinic i can afford rn so#just gotta tough it out and cross my fingers that some vitamins are all i need
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kind of crazy how everything just Happens to me. like i dont really have any major specific regrets beyond just 'i wish i lived more' but even that in hindsight was kind of contingent on factors beyond my own abilities, but idk its somehow worse this way. i think i would feel less angry and adrift if id done things that landed me where i am, or i dunno just had any say in it instead of just being fuckin tossed around year after year
#boo idk its just frustrating to constantly be like. oh. well i guess this is happening now. ok.#and just having to wait until the next thing#i mean i know from another angle this is very like. woe is me guy who doesnt ever take agency#but can we be honest its not that simple in the real world lol#anyway whatever the point is i was just thinking about the past few years and i really dont regret my major choices where i had them#unrelated but AUGH i fucking hate how im like. in such a good place w my body image#(after decades of the classic dysmorphia hatred etc etc) but theres just TWO things i cant get on board with#idk its just so frustratinggggggggggggg. i guess ill just blow up#i have this totally irrational thought pattern of like. well im not even striving for conventional attractive bs right#im not skinny or modelesque or white and i dont want to be any of those things i like how i am#so i should get to change these two aspects i dislike as freebies. like i can convert being beyond status quo into bodymod points or smth ?#girl what are you talking about 😭
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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You think if I thought about wxs mrs. pumpkin's comical dream enough it'll become a reality?
#prince's talk tag#we have one (1) Halloween song like one thats ACTUALLY about Halloween. may we please get another?#and make a 3dmv so i have a reason yo use the Halloween outfits you keep giving us each year#sure if you're gonna do vs only i guess thats fine but i really want a 3dmv and theres a better chance of that if a group covers it#my first pick is wonderlands bc ofc it is but ill take niigo as well if you dont wanna give it to them#please please please im begging#i get its a hachi song and maybe thatll be harder to get maybe? we only have two songs by him#but still itll be great#if its a no to all hachi songs from now on can i get trick and treat instead? i miss that song#i feel thatll be vs only but for that one ill take it bc id rather have saki and tsukasa cover it#but colorpale sucks and wont let crossovers happen unless its a special occasion#edit: WAIT NO WE HAVE THREE i forgot he made donut hole
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#delete later#i have three medical appointments in the work day in the next three weeks#one on Thursday then two mid/late January and i know that its good bc i need these appointments but i get so#anxious that ppl ay work are mad at me for having so many#im also scared about thirsdays one bc its for my ankle and hand pain and ironically the hand is way better and the ankle is also#more stable. something clicked again a couple days ago and fixed the pain in half of ky foot. no idea what happened there but#the click itself hirt like a bitch which is new. most of my pain doesnt start with a click and most clicks are painless#so fun#im just in a permanent state of being afraid i wont be taken seriously. my physio wanted a scan on my foot so om gonna#relay that but like idk what theyre gonna say. also if they do want to swnd me for a scan that's gpnna be ANOTHER appointment#so fuck me i guess. at the very leasy its not like severe psin any more so they wont send me to a and e for an x ray like they did#with my hip that one time. that would fucking suck to explain tp my manager#hey julia im fine but ive been sent ro rhe hospital for a scan so i guess ill be back when im back?#fuck me im anxious. and i hace so much apprenticeship work tp do i want to scream#also was distracted by my aching hands bc often they just ache abd successfully triggered myself so bow time to play what#is actual acge and what is remembered ache oh joy#one of the other appointments is gender clinic appointment abd im hoping to get referred for top surgery now ive been on t#for 9 months. waiting list gonna be like four fucking years but debating saving like mad abd going private bc jesus Christ#i cant bind bc of sensory problems and constantly aching ribs and last time i taped i ripped chunks of skin off so kinda#think i shouldn't do that again but like it sucks. not as bad now that my voice is dropping abd shit but still not fun#we'll see!
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Two medium, two topping, pizzas should not cost $50 with tip 😭 wtf is this shit
#marquilla#i mean mom got extra everything on hers so it was a full $7 more but like come on man 😭 its not even good pizza#the place that makes actual handmade pizzas with (nasty to me) Wisconsin cheese and is CHEAPER actually is carry out only#and mom said 'fuck that ill get what youre getting i guess :( '#it's $50 including the tip idk if i was clear there#i add 'please' every time i add a request lol like 'make the meat crispy please' 'side door please' bc im overly polite (try ordering at a#sit down restaurant with me ill put you to shame with all my pleases) and i just hope that we dont get a stalker delivery guy bc of that#again. we had one guy who would recognize our name on the order and volunteer to deliver it himself 😬 stopped getting it there for ab a#year at least after that hoping to wait him out...#anyway i put please after every special instruction thing bc i know they get treated like shit and i wanna not be another asshole#oh i remember why he kept delivering to us like that it was bc i said please and i put in the delivery instructions#to have a nice day or 'drive safe' and he thought that was so nice. like well im a nice person... and i want you to deliver my pizza w/o#you risking an accident trying to be quick like dominos (look up why it's no longer 30 min or less)#dominos is such nasty ass pizza too omg sgsggsgs we got it ONCE bc DogCousin likes it and god never again#it was like $70 or something for 3 people yuck id rather nasty ass papa Johns cardboard shit than that#anyway shshshhs
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Rushing to get the last 15 or so levels of my catalogue so I can send in my joy cons for repair
#devin speaks#devin’s gaming logs#my joy cons have become unbearable#the right ones are pretty bad but the left ones are almost completely unusable with their drift#i want to send them for repair but alas the repair will take 10-16 days and i will not be able to play splatoon while i wait#so i must quickly finish the catalogue so i can get the beloved earring and black boots i missed last year#ill be sad that i cant play side order either but honestly i probably wont be able to enjoy it anyway with my joy cons as is#so yeah must hurry to finish catalogue. must get these confounded controllers fixed……………..#i suppose i should invest in a pro controller again#the wired one i have also has a major drift problem#and the wireless one i had got rusted in the battery compartment somehow despite me never leaving batteries in there for longer than like#two or so weeks (i played with it a lot so the batteries constantly had to be replaced)#but the wireless one never did have a drift problem so maybe i will get another one and just be more careful with the batteries i guess??#idk whatever tag ramble done im just so frustrated with how poorly made joy cons are
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#yesterday i was wandering around the campus where ive resided these last 4 years bc ive banned myself from running until my leg heals#and i was thinking like. what am i gonna miss about this place when i leave? bc im always thinking abt the things i cant wait to get away#from. and its a real short list. ill miss the palm trees bc i never get sick of seeing thrm. theyre so weird#ill miss the yucca. again bc theyre so weird looking. ill miss the way u can see where all the ants r bc in the non human populated areas#there isnt grass everywhere bc desert. ill miss that there r so many birds of prey hanging around. and the road runners and all the lil#lizards. and maybe in an abstract way ill miss being so close to the boarder bc when u live near a boarder boarders feel like bullshit#like staring down the road into another country. idk theres something i like abt that. ill probably also miss being able to run outside#all year long bc in the winter during the day all u need is a light jacket lol. where im going it gets real cold 🥶#maybe ill even miss the constant blue skies. but idk ive always liked a cloudy sky better. makes me think of home haha#ill def miss how convenient my apartment rn is. the loft bed. the low cost. the 5min walk to campus. sigh. but thats pretty much it. i#dont think ill miss anything else. im not really close with anyone. my boss was the reason i came here and she left this school in January#so thats it i guess. i think i stayed a year too long and was not well for a lot of my time here but so it goes#just gotta move to the next place. just gotta pray pray pray that i find an apartment soon. i dont even wanna say anything abt it bc im#afraid to jinx things. even tho thats irrational. like. i just gotta somehow project how good a tenant i am. im so quiet u will never see#me and i never complain abt anything bc i have brain problems. sigh. i cant wait for this transition to b over#im so so so ready to be in a new place doing new things. but at least my energy is back. im back to high energy on little sleep lol#i dont understand how my body functions lmao. somehow when i get a normal amount of sleep it's a sign that i feel awful#unrelated
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these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone
#like since i was a kid i just accepted in my head that all the ''friends'' id have were ppl who either were just putting up w me (probably#bc they had no one else and i was like. what was available) or ppl who cared ab me yeah but i was still their second or third choice#and i was just like. yeah ok. i can survive w that. like consciously i made the choice to hang out w people i knew didnt really like me#bc it was better than not having anyone to talk to#did it hurt any less when those ppl eventually stopped talking to me or i learned theyve been talking about how annoying i am to others?#no it didnt. bc i still cared about Them and had Them as my first choice. but i just thought. thats just how it is. im jist not really#likeable. so ill take what i can get#when i was like 7 or 8. i had one friend at school. and she had like some issues at home or smth idk but sometimes she would just start.#treating me badly or just ignoring me for months at a time. and its not like it deeply traumatized me or anything i honestly didmt remember#this fact until like last year but the thing is that i just. accepted it. i was just like yeah ok for half of the year or so my only friend#will act like she hates me and ill have no one to talk to. thats fine. ill just wait until next year when she likes me again. at age 7. and#now im just like what the fuck man why did i just accept that as my life. through all my childhood and then with other friends in my teen#years why did i never not once try to do better for myself. yknow?#when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her#to my house to play like we had done so several times before and she just looked at me like she was confused i was talking to her at all#and said ''why?''. and i was just like. ok. thats that i guess. genuinely why did i just accept these things#and like yeah i have friends that i feel Get me now and one i love just so much and i can tell loves me back but theyre online. i dont talk#to anyone irl. i dont know how. and im happy im so happy but im also scared that im just doomed to be extremely lonely forever irl#because i am legit just not likeable. not to be a weird a weirdo but yeah im just too different from ur average person my age i cant#connect with them in any way. and i also dont know how to talk to people or make friends or to find people that are like me. ill just#not have anyone forever#i guess#especially bc now i dont hate myself enough to hang out with people i dont like so like. i dont even have that as an option skdbskdjks#Every friend i ever made happened bc the other person reached out to me first and insisted on it. all the friendships that stuck were the#gay autistic/adhd weirdonerds who can relate to my hyperfixations and dont expect me to act Normal™. idk how to find the former group irl#and have never once iniciated a friendship. my fate is to be someone who has online friends only and exclusively#and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday-#anyways. certified magnus archives moment
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hey like???
why is life so difficult? why are things so asinine?
inefficient?
unethical?
why???????????????? is it like this
right now
#radtalks#idk what this is#a vent i guess!!!#im just frustrated#going to have to wait another like 3 weeks#b4 i see a therapist again#and also get a psych eval#thought i already had one but okay#idk why theyre giving me one a year after i started services but okay#probably bc i made the mistake of giving them a preferred name and now they keep fuckin up my name in the system#idk im sorry im whiny ive been trying to get better for over ten years and things are still like#complicated and confusing and now i feel like im way worse off because im getting older#ive lost so much time trying to get better#am i getting better?#i just want to know ill be able to afford to live#idk i dont want to let anyone down#just rambling sorry again!!!
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its been raining all week and it will be raining all of next week. today was the only day we had sun and it was wasted because she still has her clothes in the washing machine.
#i guess she is the only one who needs to have clean clothes#i don't even know how she always has so many dirty clothes#like does she change clothes 3 times per day and only wear everything once? because she does laundry more than anyone else in the building#anyway i guess ill have to wait another week to do laundry#because i cant even turn on the humidifier mode on the ac cause the landlord took our ac controllers#and i could turn the heater on but it will stay on for what? 20-30 minutes? an hour max? like for it to stay on longer ill have to set it#above 25 degrees and thats too much and the clothes wont even get that dry and the humidity will still be inside#no one told me that i would spend all of my uni years worrying about washing my clothes#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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I thought the october curse was gonna be skipped this year based on the fact I got a job on the first day but like. it turns out that was the bad luck disguising itself at good news and it's just another normal october
#i think a lot about how july 2020 was mediocre and july 2021 was one of the worst months of my life#and i made it known that i didn't trust july anymore. and it must've taken that as constructive criticism and my god it listened to me#bc then july 2022 was one of the best months of my life#and the two julys since have been pretty good as well#like that is so nice from july what a good friend#CANNOT say the same for october. like since 2014 every single one has been significantly terrible (except 2015 and maybe 2018)#2014 depressed. 2016 no friends depressed. 2017 giving nothing. 2019 dropped from what was a really good year#2020 like every mental illness known to man. 2021 All the horrors happening at once. 2022 the aromantic's worst nightmare#2023 was just awful#and then 2024's theme is having an absolutely miserable job after like 15 months of unemployment#i only get 3 days off and i can't even enjoy them bc i know what they're leading to#my shifts are too short to be allowed breaks but way too long for that to be comfortable#there've been times the day before a shift when i think about going and end up feeling nauseous and that's never even happened before lol#i get paid in like week apparently so i might try and wait until then but like#also the worst part is it's basically what i did when i was 17 (kitchen porter/assistant/whatever) so i keep comparing them#except there were parts of that job i enjoyed like the dishwasher and the cool shower looking tap and doing the plates and cutlery etc#and also the people i worked with. and the shifts weren't too bad. and i had a glorious hyperfixation#anyway this job is none of those things it's actually all the things i specifically disliked about the other one lol#i miss the dishwasher she was so cool. i miss the hyperfixation i had in 2017 (but when do i not)#but yeah i guess the only advantages of this job is I'll have money again and it's more motivation to look for another job#once again wishing i was 17 bc she wasn't happy and had no friends or aim in life but she listened to a lot of music so#idk why i always get addicted to 2017 nostalgia maybe bc it was such a mediocre year#like if i start wishing I was 13 or 15 or 19 or 22 I'm just gonna get depressed bc they were so good#but there's no reason for me to want to be 23 or 20 or 16 or 14 bc like. what is there to want about those#but 17 is so average it's like a low enough standard or something idk. anyway#ramble
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I swear why are half the things i like/fandoms im in made of mostly younger people while the other half are mostly older people? what are the zoggin odds with that?
How it feels being 20 in a fandom with a bunch of 30-40 somethings.
VS how it feels being 20 in a fandom with a bunch of 14-17 somethings.
like am do i just have extremely odd luck with things i like or is this just what being 20 is like?
#I go browse homestuck twitter and find out an artist I like is turning 16. I go to warhammer twitter and see a meme poster I enjoy is almost#three times my age.#like how do you get a person to somehow feel too old to be in a one fandom yet too young to be in the another?#i know this sounds stupid but it happens every time i like something#world of warcraft has people who have been playing this game for as long as i have been alive#despite aging with the game minecraft is primarily youngsters#team fortress 2 is somehow both too young and too old a fanbase#i've long since reconciled with the fact pretty much everything i like is over a decade old but why cant i just like something with a ->#similar age base? like it would be nice to interact with people that like similar things i like on a consistent basis.#I don't want to buzz around my 2 friends ears trying to not talk too much about my interests. Don't get me wrong I love those two gits but-#its not like i can complain about those childish gits who kept blocking the good fishing nodes in world of warcraft#I cant share my homestuck art and make references to characters that they don't know#I like making references! references make up roughly 1/3rd my jokes! Heck they make up my zogging dialogue too!#HECK I SAY ZOG AND GIT BECAUSE I AM A BLOODY STUPID MIMIC! I'M NOT EVEN BRITISH I LIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS!#YET EVERY TIME I GET A NEW “main interest” OR WHATEVER I END UP TAKING IN ZOGGIN SPEECH PATTERNS FROM THE DANG THINGS!#I ONCE MUTTERED “merde” WHEN THINGS WENT WRONG FOR LIKE OVER A YEAR BECAUSE SPY SAID IT AND ONLY STOPPED WHEN MY BILINGUAL AND FRENCH TAKIN#FATHER AND BROTHER RESPECTIVELY TOLD ME IT MEANT SHIT#I SAY “SLAPS ME ON THE KNEE” AND “SUCKS ON ICE” BECAUSE OF A MAIN INTEREST!#MY POSTURE GOT BETTER SOLELY BECAUSE I DID NOTHING BUT LEVEL A ZANDALARI HUNTER UNTIL LEVEL 120.#WHEN LAUGHING A MODERATE AMOUNT I DO THE /LOL ORC EMOTE. WHEN CHUCKLING I PUT MY HAND ON MY MOUTH LIKE SHIVER FROM SPLATOON BLOODY 3!!!#I HAVE BEEN UNINTENTIONALLY MIMICKING THINGS I LIKE FOR YEARS! I BOB MY HEAD AND WALK DIGITIGRADE BECAUSE I HEARD BIRDS/DINOSAURS DO IT TO-#BALANCE WHEN WALKING. AND THE ONLY REASON I SUCKED AT RUNNING WAS BECAUSE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I WATCHED A SCENE OF ICE AGE WHERE SID WAS WAL#ING AND MIMICKED HOW HE WALKED FOOT -> FOOT INSTEAD OF HEEL -> TOE HEEL -> TOE#AND NOW I GUESS I'M JUST WAITING FOR WHAT ILL GET FROM HOMESTUCK HUH#ugh if you can't tell this is a midnight brainrot post. i may be awake and on my computer but this still has the energy of that kind of pos#saturday warhammer and the following wendys browsing for ya folks.#midnight brainrot#Man i needed to get those off my chest#not like anyone reads these midnight brainrot posts anyways#oh yeah gotta tag art and paint.net so i can easily find these drawings later if i need them
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Because I don't care how or what I eat (moldy grapes/bread, paper, uncooked pasta, ants, undercooked foods, stale cereal, freezer burnt foods, pineapples, burnt foods, suspicious meat, raw potatoes, pinecone (only a bite dw), dandelions, expired foods, foods covered with sand/dirt, grass, marrow) I like to traumatize my friends and family with what I'm willing to eat. Now I get an excuse to traumatize tumblr :D
Frozen milk. Thats the weirdest thing I've had and I'm not willing to so that again. It doesn't really freeze like water so it's really similar to a slushie, but the slushie is frozen. If that makes sense.
#theres some more stuff i left out that ive eaten/still eat#but i dont think i want to really get into that unless someone asks lol#this is what happens when youre starved as a kid#your standards for food lowers a lot#for financial and criminal reasons the adults couldnt/wouldnt give me food#i do draw the line at insects though#doesnt mean that if i accidentally eat that ill care though#especially given what the fda allows#talking about the fda#guess i should add lead to list because of the lunchables and applesauce thing#but the government has fed me worse foods than lead so i cant really complain about it#did you know that class d food exists and is legal to be sold?#class c food is what inmates are given btw#people who have commited crimes got better food than i did because the goverment didnt want to waste money on those with government jobs#i dont work there anymore but lets just say that suicide is one of the highest causes of death for a reason#its heartbreaking to look at those group photos and know that some of those kids are dead#im just really tired of being told another kid i knew killed themselves#god its so heartwrenching#eight deaths in three years#have you ever given the keys to a room of someone your age to their friends#because those friends are there to clean out that dead kids room and send his stuff back home?#sorry about that but i just needed to get it off my chest. my family and friends dont understand everything that i talk about#nor do i want to tell them everything that ive experienced and lived through. i cant do that to them.#i just. i cant do that to my family and friends. not how ive seen others react to those whove died.#but oh my god it is worth it to live.#if youre suicidal please wait a week before making any big decisions and have a heart to heart with anyone and call a hotline#if you think you have no one. i promise that you do. go watch the sunrise or people watch or go to a park and read a book#please#youre worth it
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