#grudging admissions of affection

[capnmachete]

Augusnippets 2024 Path of Comfort Day 23: massage/wiping away tears/gentle touch

Old Testament, Part 2: Horse Liniment and Idle Speculation Fandom: Peaky Blinders Characters: Tommy Shelby, Alfie Solomons CW: references to NSFW, profanity, general assholery, M/M, an exchange of what -- for these two stubborn mamzers -- amounts to a declaration of undying love Takes place a week after the events of Old Testament, Part 1. Alfie, predictably, is still achy and bruised and out of sorts. Tommy provides a little TLC. Also here on AO3

OLD TESTAMENT Ch. 2 Horse Liniment and Idle Speculation Tommy eases a leg over Alfie, straddling the big Jew’s thick thighs.  Alfie winces and mutters an unintelligible curse, Tommy's slight weight jarring the still-sore muscles of his lower back.

The rear view is something Tommy never tires of, even now. Alfie’s broad, muscular back is speckled with scars, and decorated with an enormous, vivid tattoo that spans the width of his shoulders – something elaborate and vaguely savage-looking.  A souvenir, according to Alfie, of the seagoing days of his youth.  Merchant navy, he’d told Tommy.  Rite of passage.

Tommy has no idea whether the story is true, or whether Alfie has ever actually set foot on a boat. Alfie says a lot of things, with varying levels of veracity.  Doesn't matter, really. However the tattoo happened, it's fascinating to look at, the thick muscles bunching and tensing under the elaborate swirls of ink. 

All the ink had been a great surprise, the first time Alfie and Tommy had grappled and snogged themselves into a snarling, desperate mess, and torn each other’s kit off.  “Thought your people’s God forbids that sort of thing,” Tommy had remarked afterwards, sweaty and spent, before Alfie pulled his shirt back on.

“Forbids a lot of things, don’t he?” Alfie had rasped agreeably, glancing back over his shoulder to where Tommy lay.  “Man’s gotta exercise his own judgment now and again, yeah?  Decide for himself what’s worth getting smited for and what ain’t.”

The beltmarks that now stripe Alfie's back are healing nicely. Daily applications of horse liniment -- Tommy's favorite cure-all -- gently smoothed on and rubbed in, have gone a long way towards healing both Alfie's foul and indignant mood and the actual bruises. The raised welts are mostly gone now, as is the worst of the bruising, faded now from a vivid purple to a sallow, yellowish hue.

Yellower yet, after Tommy smooths on a handful of the sharp-smelling horse liniment, itself tinted a rather vile yellow. Tommy pours a small amount from the bottle into his cupped hand, and warms it between his palms, before spreading it onto the partly-healed marks.

“Ah – chap nit, you little menace,” Alfie yelps, then hisses through his teeth as the liniment stings a few still-raw spots.  “Treat your horse like a man, and your man like a horse," he grouses, settling again, frowning.  "Typical.”

Tommy cannot disagree, not entirely. It's true -- he does pamper Sheitan, his spirited black stallion. It's what any Romany man worth his salt does; horses are treasured, sacred. Still… “Pot and kettle, Alfie,” Tommy says said mildly, stifling a smile, stroking his hands over Alfie's broad upper back, smoothing in the last of the liniment, before moving on to massage the sore muscles a little lower.  “I can only hope one day you'll treat me as well as you treat Cyril.”

“ ‘s a lovely dream, that is, treacle, but don’t hold your breath, right?”  Alfie rasps with a half smile, glancing back over his own shoulder. And then sucked in a breath, stifling a curse, as Thomas’ knuckles dig into a tender spot – applying a little extra elbow grease to work a knot out.  Alfie blinks back over his shoulder, eyes narrowed and brow lowered. “Fucking hell, ziskeit, if you’re after killing me, just shoot me already and have done with it.  Quicker and less painful.”

“Not anywhere near as satisfying, though,” Tommy reflects, digging in. He smiles to himself as Alfie grumbles, face buried in his folded arms again.  “My horse doesn’t complain near as much as you do; perhaps that’s the reason I'm gentler with him.” Alfie gives him a halfhearted glare, but can't muster up much indignation, too relaxed, soothed into a near-doze by the pleasant weight perched on his thighs and the lovely attention of Tommy's hands, which have finally worked the kinks out of his strained muscles. "Thomas?" he mumbles, stifling a yawn. "Mm?" Tommy, only half-listening, traces the deep furrow that runs down the center of Alfie's back, fingers brushing the near-invisible ginger-gold down that frosts the warm, battered, inked skin. "Maybe I won't kill you after all, yeah?" Alfie muses sleepily. "Suspect -- and this is just idle fuckin' speculation, mind you, so don't go getting bigheaded about it -- suspect maybe I've grown a bit fond of you. You're still fuckin' impossible, and a pain in the backside, but -- " He shrugs, one shoulder rising and dropping lazily. "Glad to hear you've reconsidered. And thank you. I think." Tommy smiles to himself. It's one of those peculiarly-Tommy smiles that only show in the eyes -- something Alfie has in fact grown rather fond of. He clambers down, heading downstairs to wash the horse liniment off his hands and have a smoke. "And likewise," he calls back over his shoulder, after a brief moment of consideration. Although Alfie -- already asleep -- doesn't hear it. ___ mamzer: bastard chap nit: take it easy/ease up Sheitan: Romany for "Satan" ziskeit: sweetie

[yuri-is-online]

... so what do we know about the Clash? (pt. 1)

The answer is still not a whole lot! But we did get some extra context surrounding the very first mystery we all caught on to surrounding the missing houses. I did some re-reading for this and noticed some stuff about the MC's curse I'll probably put into another post. Tumblr is being a bitch about word/text count so, I'll have to divide this into a few parts, but for now, here is part one of just the facts as stated in game.

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS THROUGH EPISODE 5: HOTARUBI. PLEASE INTERACT WITH DUE CAUTION.

The Facts

The Clash is first mentioned by name in Chapter 10 of the Prologue after Professor Nicholas takes MC away from the Chancellor's Office to be treated in Mortkranken. Cornelius starts talking to himself having noticed that all of this is happening on the day of the entrance ceremony: "General student house reassignments today, prophecy research and Clash clean up ASAP..." We learn at the start of Hotarubi's Episode that there are three defunct dormitories: Dionysia, Ultio, and Clementia leaving seven intact dormitories. Kaito tells us that the general admissions students are sorted "during their orientation." He also tells us ghouls are very rare, and that where they go affects the power balance between houses.

General Admissions students are normal humans, all houses except for Obscuary and Jabberwock have general admissions students, but Kaito tells us that "The academy stopped general admissions for Jabberwock recently..." meaning that they did have General Admissions students at one point. We also know from both Cornelius's lines and the records MC finds at the beginning of Hotarubi's episode that general students were reassigned to different dorms at the beginning of the year. Kaito also tells us that Obscuary is not a dorm you get in via the weighing of souls even if you are a ghoul, and that there is a rumor about their Dorm Captain ("their captain is the one who-"). Obscuary is not referenced by anyone we speak to in the main story ever again, nor are the rumors about its Captain. I suspect this will be revisited in their Episode.

The MC is being housed in the Cathedrale Terminale. Cornelius tells us "It was vacated quite recently." The dormitory resembles a medieval church and is referenced as having statues, benches, and a pipe organ. Before the cats arrive to do repairs, MC remarks that it looks like "something went on a rampage in here" as a lot of the furniture is broken as are the statues. When Jiro and Yuri come to give MC her check up, Jiro tells Yuri that MC is staying "in the old Clementia dormitory." Clementia is mentioned in passing in Episode 2, when a Vagastrom student references needing them for exorcisms, and then again in Episode 5 when MC finds a list of defunct dormitories and reassigned General Admissions students. The dormitory's name is the same as the roman goddess of mercy and clemency. This is something of a theme with the three missing dormitories.

Dante is the advisor for Frostheim and Vagastrom. He is a new member of staff, just having been hired this year and assigned to the two most difficult dormitories in the school. During the Clash, Alan Mido, the Dorm Captain of Vagastrom believes that he killed him. Dante is aware of this but does not seem to hold a grudge against Alan. Leo seems to find this assignment suspicious and doubts that Dante is his real name.

Jin Kamurai is the Dorm Captain of Frostheim. He has not been seen by most professors, including the previous Frostheim advisor, for around half a year according to Hyde. Kaito tells us that the rumor is it has something to do with the Clash, he describes it as a skirmish that he was able to stay out of but "everyone ended up with some trauma after that... Until last year, that guy was the definition of a charismatic leader." It is revealed to us throughout Episode 1 that Jin has lost his ability to use his stigma without the MC's help.

His Vice Captain, Tohma Ishibashi, was in Vagastrom until the middle of last year, meaning that we can reasonably line up the events of the Clash, Tohma transferring to Frostheim, and Jin losing his stigma as happening around the same time. The relationship between Jin and Tohma reads as a bit more tense than initially thought to me, Tohma is playing a role and Jin is very aware that he's being used, though he does not seem aware to what end. We also know he is looking for a spy, and cooperating with Alan. He asks him to "not draw more attention to himself" before apologizing, I assume about Luca's actions at the start of Episode 2 when he barged into the pit. All of the dorms are eager to not rock the boat with Darkwick more than they already have. Tohma specifically has put in a lot of effort to maintaining a good relationship with Darkwick's staff, which allows him use of specific artifacts like the skeleton key he uses in Episode 1. We will see this same skeleton key used by Haku in Episode 5, implying the staff has the same level of trust in him.

Whatever happened during the Clash seems to have made Frostheim deeply unpopular, especially with Mortkranken and Vagastrom. Haru says that he specifically is unpopular with Frostheim, but it seems like he might have just meant he doesn't get along with Jin as no one seems to do that. Except for his sugar baby MC. Switching dormitories is something you need special permission for, but the Clash seems to have resulted in a wide scale shuffling of power as we have several references to dormitory swapping between the ghouls. Which brings us back to the topic of the missing dormitories.

In Episode 3 when Haru falls unconscious from not taking care of himself, Nicholas and Hyde discuss Jabberwock's active mission. Hyde asks Nicholas about using the Dionysia kids. Specifically he asks Nicholas if he "found" those kids, implying that they very much have been missing. It is not referenced again until Episode 5 when the MC finds the list of defunct dormitories, we do not know when it was disbanded, why its ghouls went missing, or why Nicholas would be unable to assign them missions. The dorm's name is a reference to a festival held in honor of the greek god Dionysus during which multiple theater performances and poetry competitions were held. It is also the name of a flowering plant.

The final missing dormitory is Ultio, which is first mentioned in Episode 5 when MC finds the list of defunct dormitories. We learn later on in the Episode that they were tasked with running the prison in the middle of Hotarubi's lake. The dormitory's name is a reference to the roman goddess of vengeance. Both she and Clementia are considered abstract deities, and related to the reign of Julius Caesar. The roman emperor was thought to need to balance the vengeance of Ultio with the mercy of Clementia, as Ultio is very specifically tied to feelings of anger and Clementia acts of kindness. Whether or not this means anything to the actual story is unverifiable, but I thought it was interesting and since it is a fact it goes here.

We learn more about the spy from Taiga in Episode 4. He specifically says that this spy is out to make the ghouls look bad. he asks the MC if she "would rather stay ignorant and keep letting him fool" her. This could mean that the MC has already met the spy and Taiga is aware of this, but given the man's memory issues it's more likely this is a figure of speech meant to fire her up. Moby tells the MC in Episode 5 that the Hotarubi ghouls are hiding something, and to be wary of them but well. There's like three other things that could be referring to: Zenji (my beloved), Lyca (which I doubt since he and Cornelius seem content to let the poor boy rot), and Subaru's true stigma. It could refer to the spy too of course, but there's too much other stuff going on in there to know for sure.

It is never stated in game who this spy is spying for, or what the ghouls believe his motives to be. Just that he is out to make the ghouls look bad. In Episode 5 the concept of being "Pro-Anomaly" is mentioned for the first time in reference to Hotarubi, with the rumor being that Subaru is keeping a dangerous one as a pet. From this we can assume that part of the divide between ghouls and general admission students is their views on how the anomalies should be treated. This is further enforced by the explanation we are given of Article 78.

Tumblr is being fussy and cutting me off from my beloved bullet points, so I'll have to type up the stuff about the Laurel Crown, Ritsu's findings, and the Institute in the next post. But for the TL;DR of this one: The Clash likely happened during the middle of last year and it is unclear how long it went on for. At some point, three dormitories were disbanded and their students were transferred to other dorms. There is a spy amongst the ghouls who they believe is out to make them look bad, and at least Tohma, Alan, and Taiga are aware of this. And finally, there is a degree of distrust between the Ghouls and the School that seems to have been sparked by how they treat captured anomalies.

next post

[anghraine]

A few days ago, I briefly mentioned Wickham's take on Lady Catherine, and it's stuck in my mind. At least, this specific part of the description has:

She [Lady Catherine] has the reputation of being remarkably sensible and clever; but I [Wickham] rather believe she derives part of her abilities from her rank and fortune, part from her authoritative manner, and the rest from the pride of her nephew, who chooses that everyone connected with him should have an understanding of the first class.

I mean, in fairness to ... Wickham (ugh), it's evidently true that Lady Catherine is not actually clever and her power and force of personality do a lot of the work of giving her a reputation for it. But I do think the way he manages to link this to Darcy is interesting.

Wickham seems to assume that Darcy can just choose that everyone connected with him has a reputation for high intelligence, which I think is pretty debatable. On top of that, Wickham assumes that Darcy would choose to do that, because of pride. He's set up an odd framework in which Darcy cares deeply about everyone around him being perceived as clever (but only for nasty pride reasons, of course!), and in fact cares so deeply that he'd bring his influence to bear in maintaining Lady Catherine's reputation for it.

I don't think Lady Catherine's reputation for cleverness rests on Darcy just wanting his family to be seen as clever or requires that explanation at all. But I find it intriguing that Wickham thinks so, or at least says he does, given the Ch 4 description of Darcy:

In understanding, Darcy was the superior. Bingley was by no means deficient; but Darcy was clever.

So I suspect this may be part of Wickham's attempt to acknowledge Darcy's good reputation and qualities enough to cover his ass later, while tying everything good about him to his pride. Wickham doesn't quite admit that Darcy's (alleged) desire for those around him to be seen as clever derives from Darcy being clever himself and valuing the quality, but I think it's kind of implied, and at the very least, he could suggest that he'd said something to that effect.

It's a bit how he describes Darcy's careful guardianship of Georgiana (which Wickham certainly has reason to know about!). He mostly attributes it to Darcy's reputation for being a good brother, finds a way to make it somehow about pride, and barely wedges in a grudging admission that Darcy actually has some real affection for Georgiana. I suspect he only does the last because it's so incredibly obvious that it'd be suspicious if Wickham suggested otherwise.

I do wonder, though, if part of the reason that Wickham associates Lady Catherine's reputation for cleverness with Darcy's supposed desire for his family/connections to be seen as clever is Wickham's own fixation on Darcy. Wickham knows Darcy is seen as clever and likely that Darcy values intelligence. Darcy and Wickham were brought up together as companions in the same household. And tbh I don't think Wickham himself is, or has ever been, particularly clever in the way that Darcy and Elizabeth are.

Wickham suggests that Darcy was insecure and jealous from childhood (and some readers have really wanted to believe him!). But my headcanon is that, growing up with Darcy, Wickham was the more insecure one. He was the one who was supposed to go to school and Cambridge and become a clergyman; he was supposed to be quick-thinking and good at his books and morally restrained. Darcy was the heir; he could be anything he wanted to be. Yet I would guess that young Wickham was continually outstripped by Darcy in those terms, that he came to resent Darcy's freedom and what he did with it, and that it's very easy for his mind to link Lady Catherine's supposed cleverness to Darcy's.

In Wickham's head, the connection must somehow be causal. But he can't bring himself to quite admit to anyone that Darcy's cleverness is real any more than he can admit that Darcy's generosity or moral rectitude are real. It's got to be about pride, reputation, family, fortune. And I suspect Wickham can't admit the truth to himself, either.

[tkblythofficial]

Should we prepare for some big scandal involving T?

The answer here is clear: yes. T has achieved public fulfillment, growth, and success in his career, but not everyone will be pleased to witness his rise to fame. Another scandal involving his name is likely to happen sooner rather than later. I see some unfinished business and unresolved issues coming to the public eye. I believe it's something resurfacing from the past again. It's nothing that has the potential to be career-damaging, but it can still be challenging and disruptive to his reputation. One thing is that he is self-aware about what he did before fame and that is preventing him from making the same mistakes in the present. He's being cautious, too. I also see him worried about his public image and how another rumor could affect his career and personal life. I feel like the other rumor took a serious toll on him, he sure wasn't expecting it and changed his perception. He doesn't want to be associated with controversies and is concerned that it might overshadow his work.

Is he receiving good advice or does he believe he can do everything alone?

There's a bit of both: he's receiving advice and good guidance, but he's also resisting and choosing to ignore most of it. I'll let you know in advance the man is stubborn as hell. He's feeling stuck in place and unwilling to see his situation from a different perspective. He's also interpreting accepting advice as an admission of losing control over his own life, as if following what someone else is saying is a sign that he doesn't know what he's doing. An Aquarius in his full Aquarian-ness mode. He's not rebelling against what's said to him, don't get me wrong, he might not be in his most mature phase, but he's not that childish. I think “reluctant” is a good word to describe it. He's taking advice with a grain of salt and is not too keen on following it. If someone is telling him that turning left is the best option, he would prefer to remain in the same place rather than give in and turn left. This could be contributing to that feeling of indecision I mentioned in the first reading — he might be uncertain about his choices, but he's also feeling like he has no other option than to make them himself and in his own way.

Will the networking connections he is creating bear good results or is he wasting energy on people and wrong networking?

I pulled a Six of Wands for this one, signaling success, achievement, and overcoming obstacles. Another clear and positive answer. All the effort he's putting into networking will bring him positive outcomes. He's not wasting time or energy at all, he's definitely on the right path. His talent and effort are likely to be recognized if he continues to nurture these connections. There are a lot of opportunities for growth coming his way, he just needs to stay true to himself. I don't think he gives himself much credit for it, but people who get a chance to know him in person really like him effortlessly.

Hi, guys. I had planned a longer reading, but I didn't have enough time, so this was just a quick one. I'll be checking the other questions soon, I promise 💙

“The answer here is clear: yes.”

No! But sadly…I agree…

“T has achieved public fulfillment, growth, and success in his career, but not everyone will be pleased to witness his rise to fame.”

Does he know the people who don’t want to see him fail? Or is this person a secret hater? 😬

“Another scandal involving his name is likely to happen sooner rather than later.”

I can see it happening next year because of the multiple projects he’s involved in so it would be a perfect time for them to destroy his image :/

“I see some unfinished business and unresolved issues coming to the public eye.”

Will it be the truth though?

“I believe it's something resurfacing from the past again.”

Not someone holding onto a grudge for years

“It's nothing that has the potential to be career-damaging, but it can still be challenging and disruptive to his reputation.”

Another cheating scandal? Bias aside, this is why he should just break up with BB tbh. Just be single or whatever but yeah…

“One thing is that he is self-aware about what he did before fame and that is preventing him from making the same mistakes in the present.”

Oh so he knows what can come out? 😬 T, get behind me!

“He's being cautious, too. I also see him worried about his public image and how another rumor could affect his career and personal life.”

He’s more worried about his family’s opinion than BB’s because if BB didn’t leave after the other cheating rumors then…she’s there to stay.

“I feel like the other rumor took a serious toll on him, he sure wasn't expecting it and changed his perception. He doesn't want to be associated with controversies and is concerned that it might overshadow his work.”

The rumor wasn’t that bad tbh! It caused discourse for weeks but people got over it after a few days imo!

“There's a bit of both: he's receiving advice and good guidance, but he's also resisting and choosing to ignore most of it. I'll let you know in advance the man is stubborn as hell.”

An Aquarius man being stubborn? Shocking 💀 NOT!

“He's feeling stuck in place and unwilling to see his situation from a different perspective. He's also interpreting accepting advice as an admission of losing control over his own life, as if following what someone else is saying is a sign that he doesn't know what he's doing.”

Oh…T, I definitely can relate to this…so let me not say too much lol

“An Aquarius in his full Aquarian-ness mode.”

Exactly blue 😭

“He's not rebelling against what's said to him, don't get me wrong, he might not be in his most mature phase, but he's not that childish. I think “reluctant” is a good word to describe it.”

If it’s good advice and he doesn’t take it, he’ll learn later that they were being truthful and trying to help. Sometimes it takes time to trust people especially in this cutthroat industry.

“He's taking advice with a grain of salt and is not too keen on following it. If someone is telling him that turning left is the best option, he would prefer to remain in the same place rather than give in and turn left. This could be contributing to that feeling of indecision I mentioned in the first reading — he might be uncertain about his choices, but he's also feeling like he has no other option than to make them himself and in his own way.”

Tbh I get the feeling that T is very ambitious and wants to figure it out on his own. I can see him being annoyed that someone told him to go “left” because he already knew that. There’s nothing worse than someone giving you advice that you were already going to do anyway.

Also I think he’s the type to keep his ambitions a secret. Some people announce their accomplishments or plans right away and others wait until those plans actually happen before they announce it.

Side note: idk if this happened to anyone else but have you ever secretly worked on a plan but haven’t told anyone? Then someone will suggest you do that plan and when the plan happens, that person acts like they're the ones who motivated you to do it? 🙄 some of us like to move in secret! Rant over!

“I pulled a Six of Wands for this one, signaling success, achievement, and overcoming obstacles. Another clear and positive answer.”

WE CHEERED!

“All the effort he's putting into networking will bring him positive outcomes. He's not wasting time or energy at all, he's definitely on the right path. His talent and effort are likely to be recognized if he continues to nurture these connections. There are a lot of opportunities for growth coming his way, he just needs to stay true to himself. I don't think he gives himself much credit for it, but people who get a chance to know him in person really like him effortlessly.”

I’m so happy to hear this :) and yeah, everyone who works with him seems to love him! Like he has that Ryan Gosling-type energy going on

Thanks for the reading! And always, share what you can! No pressure 🥰

[bigsoftmarshmallow]

How would the Ganondorfs (Wind Waker, Ocarina of Time, Twilight Princess, Hyrule Warriors, and Tears of the Kingdom) and Demise (From Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword) react to their lover, after they had an argument, giving them the cold shoulder? Ignoring them when they talk, refusing to talk to them at all, talking to others as if the Demon King isn't there, etc.

Wind Waker Ganondorf

Reaction: Wind Waker Ganondorf would initially be frustrated by the cold shoulder, but his introspective nature would quickly lead him to reflect on the argument and his actions. He would attempt to reconcile by addressing the issue directly.

Feelings: Frustration, regret, and determination to make amends.

Response: He would approach his lover with a mix of seriousness and gentleness, acknowledging the hurt caused and seeking to understand her perspective.

"I see that my actions have hurt you, and for that, I am truly sorry. Let us talk and find a way to resolve this."

Ocarina of Time Ganondorf

Reaction: Ocarina of Time Ganondorf would be angered by the cold shoulder, viewing it as a challenge to his authority and pride. His initial reaction would be one of irritation, but he would eventually seek to resolve the tension.

Feelings: Anger, pride, and a grudging desire to restore harmony.

Response: He would likely confront his lover directly, demanding an explanation and attempting to assert his dominance while also begrudgingly admitting his own faults.

"You cannot ignore me. We must resolve this matter. Tell me what you want, and I will listen."

Twilight Princess Ganondorf

Reaction: Twilight Princess Ganondorf would be deeply frustrated and might even view the cold shoulder as a personal affront. His pride would be wounded, but he would also feel a strong desire to regain his lover's affection.

Feelings: Wounded pride, frustration, and a strong urge to restore the relationship.

Response: He might initially try to command his lover's attention, but realizing that it only pushes her further away, he would reluctantly soften his approach.

"Ignoring me will not solve anything. Let us speak openly and resolve this issue. I do not wish to be at odds with you."

Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf

Reaction: Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf would be furious at the cold shoulder, seeing it as a direct challenge to his power and authority. His initial response would be one of anger and forcefulness.

Feelings: Anger, frustration, and a bruised ego.

Response: He would likely attempt to intimidate his lover into speaking with him, but if that failed, he might realize that a different approach is needed.

"You dare ignore me? This ends now. We will resolve this, whether you like it or not."

Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf

Reaction: Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf would be deeply hurt by the cold shoulder, as he values his lover's presence and affection highly. He would feel a mix of sadness and determination to mend the rift.

Feelings: Hurt, sadness, and a strong desire for reconciliation.

Response: He would approach his lover with a sincere apology and a willingness to listen and understand her perspective.

"I am sorry for what happened. Please, let us talk and find a way to move past this. I cannot bear to be at odds with you."

Demise (Skyward Sword)

Reaction: Demise would be enraged by the cold shoulder, seeing it as an unacceptable defiance. His initial reaction would be one of anger and a desire to reassert control.

Feelings: Anger, frustration, and a need to reestablish dominance.

Response: He would confront his lover forcefully, demanding an explanation and attempting to overpower her defiance with his will.

"You think you can ignore me? This insolence will not stand. Speak to me now, or face the consequences."

Summary:

Wind Waker Ganondorf: Reflective and determined to reconcile, approaching with seriousness and gentleness.

Ocarina of Time Ganondorf: Angered but seeking resolution, confronting directly with a mix of dominance and grudging admission.

Twilight Princess Ganondorf: Deeply frustrated but willing to soften his approach to restore the relationship.

Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf: Furious and forceful, attempting intimidation but potentially realizing a need for a different approach.

Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf: Deeply hurt and sincere in seeking reconciliation, approaching with a heartfelt apology.

Demise: Enraged and forceful, demanding an explanation and attempting to reassert control through intimidation.

BONUS:

What if their lover continued to ignore him? To refuse to talk to him at all, even try to avoid his gaze/refuse to look at him? How would the Ganondorfs (Wind Waker, Ocarina of Time, Twilight Princess, Hyrule Warriors, and Tears of the Kingdom) and Demise (From Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword) react then? What would they do?

Wind Waker Ganondorf

Reaction: Wind Waker Ganondorf would be persistent in his attempts to reconcile. He values his lover deeply and would not give up easily.

Actions: He would try various methods to get through to her, from gentle gestures to heartfelt conversations. He might give her gifts that hold personal significance, hoping to remind her of their bond.

Example:

He might leave a beautifully crafted piece of jewelry or a rare flower on her bedside table with a note saying, "This reminded me of you. Please, let us talk. I cannot bear this distance between us."

Words:

"I know you are hurt, and I understand if you need time. But please, do not shut me out completely. I am here, ready to listen and make amends."

Ocarina of Time Ganondorf

Reaction: Ocarina of Time Ganondorf would become increasingly frustrated by her continued cold shoulder. His pride would be hurt, but he would also feel a strong need to resolve the situation.

Actions: He might initially try to command her attention with his presence and authority but would eventually resort to more personal and sincere efforts to reach her. He might present her with lavish gifts or perform acts of service.

Example:

He might organize a grand feast in her honor or commission a magnificent piece of art that captures her beauty.

Words:

"Enough of this silence. I have done wrong, I know. But we must speak and resolve this. I will not lose you to stubborn pride."

Twilight Princess Ganondorf

Reaction: Twilight Princess Ganondorf would become deeply frustrated and hurt. He might initially react with anger but would soon realize that forcefulness would only drive her further away.

Actions: He would try to show his remorse through actions, perhaps by doing something significant that he knows she values. He might also give her thoughtful gifts.

Example:

He might repair something she cherishes or create a peaceful and beautiful space for her to relax in.

Words:

"I have tried to reach you, yet you remain distant. I am sorry for what has happened. Let us not allow this to destroy what we have built together."

Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf

Reaction: Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf would be furious at the continued cold shoulder. His initial response would be one of anger and forcefulness, but he would eventually realize that this approach is counterproductive.

Actions: He might try to force her to speak to him initially but would then shift to grand gestures to show his sincerity and remorse.

Example:

He might organize a grand spectacle, like a fireworks display or a concert, dedicated to her.

Words:

"You will speak to me. I demand it. But if this is what it takes to show you my remorse, then so be it. Look at what I have done for you. Can you not see that I am trying?"

Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf

Reaction: Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf would be deeply hurt by her continued cold shoulder. He would feel a mix of sadness and determination to make things right.

Actions: He would try to show his love and remorse through small, thoughtful gestures and gifts. He might also try to create moments where they can reconnect.

Example:

He might leave notes with heartfelt messages in places where she will find them, or prepare her favorite meal.

Words:

"I know I have hurt you, and I am sorry. Please, let us not lose what we have. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things right."

Demise (Skyward Sword)

Reaction: Demise would be enraged by her continued cold shoulder. He would initially react with anger and intimidation, but if that failed, he would reluctantly try to win her back with grand gestures.

Actions: He might try to intimidate her into speaking to him but would eventually realize that he needs to approach the situation differently. He might present her with powerful and valuable gifts.

Example:

He might offer her an enchanted weapon or piece of armor, something that demonstrates his power and his desire to protect her.

Words:

"You will not ignore me forever. I have given you power and protection. Now, speak to me and let us end this foolishness."

Summary:

Wind Waker Ganondorf: Persistent and gentle, giving thoughtful gifts and trying to remind her of their bond.

Ocarina of Time Ganondorf: Frustrated but sincere, presenting lavish gifts and performing acts of service.

Twilight Princess Ganondorf: Deeply frustrated but remorseful, creating thoughtful gestures and trying to show his sincerity.

Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf: Furious but determined, organizing grand spectacles and demanding her attention.

Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf: Deeply hurt but loving, performing small, thoughtful gestures and creating moments to reconnect.

Demise: Enraged but ultimately trying to win her back with powerful and valuable gifts, showing his protective nature.

[klaeus]

a discussion about my stance on canon k.laroline and why i don't ship it, reposted from an old account.

klaus lost romantic interest in caroline rather early on. i used to be a hardcore k.laroline shipper, but the more i've thought about it, the less it makes sense? ( from both perspectives tbh but im of course focusing on klaus ). now i won't say klaus doesn't enjoy a good chase when pursuing a potential partner, but there's definitely a limit to that; stemming from a mix of his ego, paranoia, and trust issues. and after numerous times of her being used as "klaus bait" and using his interest / affection for her as a way to lower his guard so the mf crew could attack him and / or his family, i don't see him truly forgiving that, considering his ability to hold grudges and how personally he takes shit like that. while they had some positive interactions for sure, a large portion of them were her being hostile or faking nice for her friends to enact a plan. now i love caroline, and she had every right and reason to make moves against him, but klaus would never see it that way. any trust he may have had in her would've been obliterated, and his romantic feelings would've died too. especially considering the fact that while caroline admitted she had a thing for him, that admission only came with the promise that he would leave and never come back - she made it clear she didn't want to be with him, regardless of her feelings. maybe some day, after many years have gone by and wounds of the past had time to heal, they could've had something. but from what we're shown in canon ( excluding anything that might've happened in legacies bc i've never seen it fdklas ), i don't see how it's plausible it could've happened from klaus' pov. so yeah, anyway, he definitely doesn't dislike her and i certainly see friendship being plausible for them, but he did move on from his romantic feelings for her. however! this is not me saying i hate k.laroline or won't write it at all - i definitely would with proper plotting. this is just to say for my canon, klaus stopped pursuing her in a romantic way long before they slept together, which i don't count as canon for my klaus either.

[cat-arsenal]

Hold Me Like a Grudge (Gavin x Lasko Royal AU) Ch. 13

Plot?!

Gavin perches on his desk, handing his latest diplomatic letter to Lasko to read over. He watches Lasko's brow furrow with focus, mentally traces the lines around his eyes, his nose, the slight purse of his lips. When Lasko looks up, he carefully turns his longing expression into one of academic interest.

"It sounds great," Lasko tells him, handing back the letter. Gavin grins.

"Not coming on too strong?" he asks. Lasko shakes his head.

"Just strong enough, I think. Dahlian people respond well to directness. Along with previous discussions, this should all but guarantee a meeting with leadership, if not an immediate alliance." Gavin hums, placing the letter in a sleek envelope and sending it on its way, into a puff of pink smoke. Then he fixes sharp eyes on Lasko, head tilted coquettishly.

"Is the same true for you?" Lasko blinks.

"Is...is what true for me?"

"Responding well to directness."

Lasko laughs, nervous and sweet. He looks away, hand running through his hair as he searches for a response. His aura is lovely, embarrassed and excited, and Gavin wants to devour him.

"Um, well, I-I certainly prefer it to subterfuge!"

Aw. Politics.

"So do I," Gavin replies, disappointment hidden with ease. Lasko is happy, and that's plenty. If it's always like this with them, playful and affectionate but not like that, then that's plenty. It's already more wonderful than he thought it could be.

They have dinner in Gavin's room, Gavin stealing bites from Lasko's plate and laughing at Lasko's pleased sighs.

"How is all the food here perfect?" he asks amid a satisfied stretch.

"Magic," Gavin says, wiggling his fingers. Lasko nearly chokes on his drink.

They clean up and settle into Gavin's bed so they can continue the book they'd been reading. Rather, the book Lasko had been reading and Gavin asked him to read aloud so he could listen. Lasko had been thrilled to share it with him--a rare old tome about dragons and dungeons--and while Gavin doesn't completely understand it, Lasko's bright-eyed enthusiasm is more than worth a little confusion.

"Remind me, Precious," he says from his position with his head in Lasko's lap. The nickname never fails to make Lasko blush, and he smirks. "Are these stories fact or fiction?"

"It-it's not totally clear," Lasko says after clearing his throat. "The authors treat it like real, lived experiences, and a lot of the dates match up to actual historic events, but whether or not there were actual dragons and demi-gods in attendance is, uh, debatable. It could just be mythologized, or exaggerated, or something completely made up! The mystery is part of what I like about it."

Gavin hums, closing his eyes and soaking up Lasko's happiness. It's one of those rare moments where his feelings aren't tinged with anything negative, just the joy of his interests, and of sharing them with someone. He realizes belatedly that Lasko has stopped speaking, and cracks open an eye to see Lasko watching him, expression conflicted. Gavin winks.

"See something you like, Lasko?" he teases. Lasko swallows.

"Um. Y-yeah." The admission makes them both pause. Then Lasko scoots away, leaving Gavin staring at the ceiling. He rights himself, sitting up in time to see Lasko stand.

"Don't leave," Gavin blurts.

"I'm not leaving," Lasko says quickly, hands running messily through his hair. "I'm just-just steeling myself." Gavin blinks.

"Steeling yourself for what?" He thinks he has an idea, but tries to tamp down the hope just in case.

"F-for what I...what I've wanted to do for a while now." He turns back around, head ducked, face red, and puts one knee on the bed. "Gavin," he starts, dragging his eyes up to meet the demon's. Emotion swims in his eyes and in his aura, so much fear and affection and hope that it makes Gavin feel dizzy. "Can I, um...can I kiss you?"

"Fuck," Gavin breathes, immeasurably relieved. "I thought you'd never ask."

Lasko laughs a little before leaning in, one hand on Gavin's cheek, and presses the softest kiss to Gavin's lips. It feels like the most delicious explosion, all the months of anticipation culminating in a chaste brush of skin that still makes him shiver. Lasko looks at him, amazed and adoring, and gives him another gentle but lingering kiss. This time, when he pulls away, Gavin follows, not quite meeting him.

"Lasko," he murmurs, "can I kiss you?"

Lasko laughs again, so much joy and relief that there are tears in his eyes.

"Yeah, please."

Gavin draws him closer, kissing him slow and hot and causing a quiet whimper to leave the man. Gavin smirks and leans back, pulling Lasko onto the bed and rolling them so he's partially on top of him, then kissing him all over his face and neck.

"Gavin!" Lasko yelps, shocked by the tone shift. Gavin chuckles, breath ticklish on Lasko's skin, and kisses him a few more times before letting him up and pressing one last little kiss to the bridge of his nose. "Betrayal," Lasko pants, though he's smiling.

[stanmammon]

hey hey!! i'm so happy to see that your requests are open!! mind if i ask for some smol hcs of lucifer, mammon, levi, asmo, and belphie having a tickle fight with mc/reader?? love your writing <33

Asmodeus: 

Asmo had given no indication that he was ticklish ever, telling you in his normal husky tone that you could touch him anywhere anytime you wanted. It’s when you’re lovingly admiring his body and massaging his muscles that you get that first giggle that sends your heart into a fit, chest feeling tight at how cute Asmo looked wriggling under you. This is likely to lead into a round two of whatever had just happened but he liked the light-hearted affection of tickling just fine, going between pouting that you were being a huge tease and laughing with tears streaming down his face as his body was very sensitive to your hands in particular.

Belphegor: 

Belphie managed to keep his laughter internal as your hand rested on his waist but the longer you lingered, the more he found the need to use his voice. He gasped when you moved your fingers in a teasing matter, finally uncovering his secret, and he glared as he told you to get away from him. You don’t listen, you never do, and you’re quite happy to see the unavoidable smile come to his face as you continued to tickle his sides. He was nearly in tears as you kept going, soaking in the cute expressions on his face though you knew the longer you went the more backlash you’d get from the grudge holding demon.

Leviathan: 

Levi’s brain tried to not go immediately to the gutter when you placed a hand on his thigh as you were simply leaning over to see something on his monitor, but when your finger moved he let out a snort that had you raising an eyebrow at him in confusion. You’re unfortunately observant and began to touch his sensitive spots again, Levi’s entire face turning a beautiful reddish hue before he tried to get away from you. There was quite a chase around his room but he eventually tripped up into his bathtub, trying to take cover beneath his blanket but finding it only helped to restrain him. He’s pouting as he tells you to quit it but he actually quite likes the feeling of your hands on him, telling you that he planned on getting revenge so he could see your cute laughing face next time around.

Lucifer: 

You don’t think Lucifer is about to indulge you with the blank look on his face after your failed attack but when you end up pinned beneath him, you know just about anything could happen. He asked you quite seriously what you were attempting to do to him, raising an eyebrow at your odd attempt to get him to laugh though a smirk (the closest thing to a smile you’d get) spread across his face at your admission. If a tickle fight is what you wanted… You let out a gasp as Lucifer’s talented fingers snuck under your close to delicately stroke along your skin, a smirk on his face as he asked if this sort of response was what you wanted. He made you realize you should have thought twice about trying to sneak attack him as you were now completely at his mercy, exactly where he wanted you.

Mammon:

Mammon doesn’t see it coming at all as you suddenly tackled him to his bed, fingers poking and prodding at his side as he tried to wiggle out of your grip. His protests are interrupted by his laughter which he desperately attempted to hold back, unintentionally revealing to you (in his attempt to get you off him) that he was quite ticklish. The predatory look in your eye has him realizing he’s in danger but he can’t seem to escape your hands, gasping and wriggling and pleading with you to give him some type of mercy. He whined out that this was essentially like torture, telling you to watch your back as there was no way he’d just take this lying down.

[yandere-daydreams]

What about a monster with a darling who is already engaged to be married, but they don’t understand it. Perhaps the human tries to explain it to them, tries to make them understand their customs, but it just doesn’t get through to them. They just get upset when they see this other person getting to do all the courting rituals that they feel they should be able to do. They feel like they deserve their darling, not this weaker, lesser being.

tw - mentions of injury, threats of violence, obsessive mindsets, generalized monster fucking.

I'll raise you one - a monster with their own customs, their own traditions, their own rituals falling for a little human who just doesn't seem to respect all the things your beastly admirer seems to hold dear.

They really should understand. They've been around humans, before, they're no stranger to the empathetic naivety of the villagers who chose to try and coexist with the things that go bump in the night, and by all means, they should understand what it means to you when they wake up, splayed out over a rug of furs because they can't fit in your pitiful bed, their wounds bandaged and fear already fading into sense of gratitude for the small, fussy thing who touches them so gently, even if they doubt you could ever properly hurt a creature of their stature. Your hunters had, however, with their metal traps, their reckless fires, the awful things they resort to when their silver sticks failed to make a dent, and you apologize for it endlessly, bowing your head and pawing at your tunic and ask them not to be angry, not hold a grudge, not to assume the hatred in your people's hearts is anything more than another plague, another disease they'll recover from with time. You keep them fed while they're too weak to hunt, you tend to their wounds, and you offer to let them stay when they finally find the words to explain what happened to their den, their home, their safe-haven. You offer to take care of them, to let them take care of you. They thought you understood that that would mean something, to them.

And yet, you insist on mocking them. You insist on returning to your village day in and day out, on brushing off their attempts to gain your favor, on laughing when they touch you, when they try to show affection, when they let their hands drift over your skin the way yours drifted over theirs in those bizarre patterns, aimless and inefficient, all warmth and softness without any of the precaution you should exercise while housing something more teeth and claws than skin and bone. You insist on calling them harmless whenever your other ward arrives, your other victim, the other human, the one with none of your delicate charm and all of the brutality of the hunters who forced them to your side, in the first place. They don't like the marks bitten into your neck after your nightly visits, they don't like the way you touch that other human, with a pointed, determined want you've never shown them, they don't like the words you use - beloved, betrothed, lover, things you'd never call them, things you seem to give so much more weight than the title they've assigned you, than admissions and confessions they growl against the crook of your neck while you're asleep and unaware and helpless. Because you're always helpless. Helpless and kind, sure, but still helpless, still vulnerable.

Still so in need of someone or something to take you by the hand and show you how weak you really are, compared to the monster you've taken in.

[abla-soso]

I know most Bakuguo stans don't actually mean to dismiss abuse, but guys... saying this shit is literally abuse apologia:

"Oh, the victim wasn't badly affected by the abuse, they were always innately like that"

Nah, fuck that.

Bullying doesn't stop negatively affecting the victim just because the victim chose to be forgiving and to not hold a grudge. 

This line of thinking is dangerous. It gives a leeway to view abuse as not being an inherently shitty thing and to view it as only shitty when it affects the victim in an outwardly obvious way.

Deku is innately selflessness and heroic, true. But his toxic self-perception is not innate. It did not naturally develop from his innate good qualities. His self-perception was deeply distorted, and part of the reason why that happened was the decade of verbal attacks and being told that he's useless over and over and over.

Deku does have serious problems with self-worth, and having lots of ambition does not negate that! Mental health issues do not affect everyone in the same way. Some of the most ambitious people in history admitted to suffering from severe self-worth issues, and the core of their ambition was actually their desire to silence their inner harsh critic and prove their worth to themselves and others. That's Deku too. He has internalized himself as "useless Deku" so much that didn't even flinch when AFO called him worthless, and that toxic internalization is a huge part of why he spiraled out of control, and Bakuguo's telling Deku that he's useless for over a decade is partly to blame. That's why Deku declared to Bakuguo specifically that he won't be "useless Deku" anymore.

Deku might downplay how Bakuguo hurt him, but Bakuguo doesn’t! He himself admit he needs to atone. And atoning is something you do when the damage you inflicted is greater than a mere apology can fix.

Bakuguo knows he is partly responsible for Deku's toxic self-worth issues. That's part of the reason why he feels very guilty and very anxious to help Deku. But he needs to admit it out loud to Deku and their friends. Bakuguo can't atone by silently supporting Deku without any verbal affirmation of Deku's innate worth. He planted the seed of "useless Deku" and now he’s gotta uproot the tree.

Bakuguo can’t keep acting like Deku’s mental issues has nothing to do with him and Deku is just “screwed up in the head”. He fucking can’t. Not if his atonement is sincere and selfless. It doesn’t fucking matter if Bakuguo is not ready for a verbal apology and a public admission of guilt yet. Deku desperately needs that from him right now and more than ever before. 

Bakuguo's atonement shouldn't be dictated by Bakuguo's comfort level, but by what his victim needs from him.

Deku wasn't praised for his innate good qualities (his selflessness and his heroic desire to save people). The fact that he was quirkless always overshadowed them. Nobody around him seemed to acknowledge these traits as inherently valuable, except All Might when he gave him his power. So it’s understandable why Deku doesn’t see his good innate qualities as adding any value to him except when he can use them to yield All Might's power. 

Deku - right now - believes that without OFA he is useless, and with OFA he has the opportunity to be useful. Carrying OFA, to him, IS his entire value right now. He sees himself as a vessel of no innate value, holding the immense value of OFA. He needs to realize that the vessel already had innate value before OFA. 

A big part of realizing this is going to come from the people he’s affected telling him that the impact he’s had on them mostly wasn’t due to any physical acts he’s done, it’s the things he’s said to them, the compassion and kindness he’s shown them. 

And Bakugo must be one of them.

[linkspooky]

Can you talk about Dabi and his connection to sorrow? He’s commented on things being “sad” over and over again in the manga. And now ironically he can’t cry! I feel like there’s a deeper meaning to this.

Whether it’s laughing with a mouth full of blood, or smiling when anybody else would cry, you’re right anon Dabi is a character who is always distancing himself from his own sorrow.  Dabi not being able to cry because his tears ducts got burned is almost the perfect metaphor, not only does he not want to cry, but he physically can’t due to the lasting damage that’s been done to his body. 

In fact distance is a key word to use when analyzing Dabi. Even knowing absolutely nothing about his backstory, just reading his actions, you can see there are several distancing behaviors in the way that he interacts with others. What Dabi says to Hawks that he has his own agenda outside of the league isn’t even that much of a twist, Dabi has always been up front about it. Dabi tells Shigaraki he’s going to move on his own. 

You can see it in the way that Dabi refers to his comrades. Spinner is “Lizard”, Toga is “Crazy Girl”. Dabi chafes at how touchy feely twice is. The only one he really has casual conversations with is Mr. Compress who is always wearing a mask, and is himself very casual and distant. These behaviors aren’t just Dabi being a jerk, in a group that is all about finding a place of belonging and trusting each other even among crazy and psychoes, Dabi is always making it clear that he’s an outsider. 

He sets up walls with his behavior. Spinner doesn’t want to be called Lizard because of his background, his friends wouldn’t call him that. Toga is someone whose issues are dismissed because she’s just “crazy” when she’s actually an empathic person when you get to know her. The league of villains is a very humanizing force. They gave Twice a place of belonging that let him finally accept himself, they give Spinner a reason to be, Toga became a much more stable person who grew to have healthier relationships with others. The league is humanizing, but Dabi doesn’t want that. 

This is where we connect it back to Dabi’s backstory. Dabi has had his emotions so thoroughly invalidated by abuse he can no longer feel them properly. Remember, being called and dismissed as a failure is something that has affected Natsuo far into his adulthood. Natsuo can’t even sit in the same room for Endeavor without being triggered by his presence.

Natsuo has deeply internalized the feelings of being “one of the failures”, so then what must that say about Touya, who was ‘almost perfect’, then dismissed as a failure, and then literally died. Not only that but his murderer escaped, and nobody save Natsuo even seems to hold him accountable for it. It’s enough to make anyone feel dead inside. 

And, that’s what Dabi is trying to do. KIll his own emotions. Dabi was raised in an environment that made him feel like a failure, and that his own personal feelings did not matter. Enji completely ignored what his children wanted and instead forced his own wants upon them. Touya’s wants and needs were never prioritized and taken care of, quite literally, because he died. He wasn’t valued as an individual. 

Children need to be treated as their own individuals and grow up in a consistant environment where they are taken care of, and feel safe, otherwise they will not be able to grow up properly and face developmental issues later in life. Dabi is far out of touch with his own emotions, because it’s a behavior deeply ingrained in himself, his feelings do not matter. They never have. 

Dabi’s total and complete lack of regard for his feelings and well-being can be shown in the way he fights and uses his quirk. Remember, this is a learned behavior. This is what Endeavor taught him, that the only thing valuable about him is how much he can push his quirk to its absolute limit. 

Dabi hates Endeavor but he fights exactly like him. He pushes himself to use his flames to their extreme limits, so he can be individually powerful and effective on a battlefield with little regard to support, even though his body can’t handle it. He’s been effectively trained to think this way: he has no value unless he pushes himself this far. 

What Geten says to Dabi is horrible, but this is also what Dabi thinks of himself as shown by his behavior. He doesn’t regard his body or his life as something worth being careful with, and because of that he’s always burning himself up to use his quirk to his fullest extent. So while Dabi is quite literally fighting back against his father’s abuse and also trying to prove his father wrong about him, he also believes him deep down.

He always fights by attempting risky maneuvers he doesn’t know is going to work out, because he doesn’t really care that much about the consequences on his body. Touya has already died once, what’s another time? He fights so much like Endeavor he even quite literally copied Endeavor’s move from the Pro Hero Arc to use against Hawks. 

Which is why Dabi’s speech to Hawks is ultimately so telling of the way he sees himself. 

The reason that Dabi’s name doesn’t show up, other than Hori being a tease is because he thinks he doesn’t indvidiually matter, nor does his backstory, or feelings. The only thing that matters about him are what he fights for. He insists again and again, Twice doesn’t matter, the league doesn’t matter, Hawks doesn’t matter, but he too personally doesn’t see himself as someone that matters either. 

Even though Dabi insists he doesn’t care about his feelings, he clearly does, he’s willing to burn the world for the sake of a personal grudge against Endeavor. He’s always burning up in his own feelings but can’t admit that. That’s because Dabi can’t process his own emotions, so his feelings, both positive, and negative, are just like his flames another thing that harms him. We see it in the ending to the pro-hero arc. A scene that everyone collectively reads as tears of blood as Dabi bleeds from one of his stitches. Tears are blood are commonly used to express a sorrow that’s deeper than any tears can express, so deep it bleeds like a wound. 

Specifically it’s the idea of what the families feel of the people Dabi kills. Touya himself comes from a bereaved family who mourns his death even though he’s still alive and has been all this time. The reason Touya doesn’t think about what other people feel, what his family feels, what he himself feels is by his own admission he’d go crazy and never stop thinking about it. Dabi has to distance himself from his feelings, and can’t express them properly because if he did he would never stop. There are permanent emotional wounds on him that will not heal, and he can’t really actively seek treatment for because he’s a homeless villain so instead of trying to  deal with them he puts a stop gap on all of his emotoins. This is another thing that’s in common with the trio: Dabi, Shigaraki, Himiko it’s not that they don’t feel sadness it’s that they can’t express it. If they tried they would simply stop functioning. Which is why we see them smiling when anybody else would cry, it’s the only way they know how to keep going. 

Dabi distancing himself from his own sorrow is a maladaptive coping mechanism, because he can’t allow himself to feel his own feelings, otherwise he would succumb to them. Dabi’s entire arc is associated with grief, his grief for his family, his grief for what was done to him, and the grief his family feels for him. However, he can’t feel any of it. Even though he’s wounded physically on his face and carries those scars. Dabi doesn’t allow himself to feel because he wants to keep going on his mission. 

[karofsky]

I think one of my favourite things about the Breadstix scene is just how much you see of Kurt's sides, too. Like, seeing Dave so open and honest with himself is one thing, but Kurt?

Kurt goes into the conversation essentially in denial. He's confused, and he rejects Dave's feelings as valid. He doesn't feel that way about their friendship, so how could Dave? He knows how he grows affection for people (fast and hard) so the slow burn doesn't make any sense to him; he and Dave were enemies at the start, so how could Dave possibly like him? Kurt may not hold a grudge for Dave, and he has long since forgiven him, but he does remember. Dave hated everything Kurt still hates about himself. How could he love him?

And then there's Dave, who not only speaks of his own growth, but of Kurt's. He can see how confident and proud Kurt is to be himself, even if it's often just a shell to an even more intimate part of him that Dave also has seen. Dave reflects fondly on both of their growths, and holds a high respect for Kurt and their time together. He still even lets Kurt know there are options to take-- he does want to be with Kurt, but he knows he can't come out yet. He talks of the future, and prior to being cut off, it's clear that everything after his admission would be something they could figure out together, positive or negative.

But even still, Kurt STILL shuts him down. Kurt doesn't want to talk because he can't wrap his head around it, and his proven method to solving his problems is to simply ignore them until anyone involved bends to them or inevitably calls him out. Kurt's incredibly defensive and immature at his surface level, but the SECOND. The SECOND Dave's heart breaks, and Kurt's left with nothing but a flood of raw emotion from the other, that wall he puts up shatters. His sympathy returned, and he realizes no, he doesn't want Dave to leave. He does want to talk. His frustration turns back in on himself rather than with Dave, because he was so quick to resort to his logic and understanding rather than the heart Dave was so clearly wearing on his sleeve.

And it just sucks, because Kurt slips back into defending Dave without a second thought. When it comes to others, Kurt's natural instinct when NOT inside his head is to protect and support. He's protected Dave multiple times, for over a year at this point-- both because he thought he needed to, and because he just "did". Of course he would never out him, he says.

Then after Dave is gone, it's back to his thoughts, but this time, he's let his heart speak as well. He didn't just immediately shut down, or use the "reality" as a cheap out. Dave's heart breaking had left his broken too, and he was able to actually consider everything, both logic and feelings. And that, fittingly, is something that their relationship had helped him with in the first place. Kurt needs patience from others while he debates with himself, and that was always going to be something Dave would give him-- because Dave really understood him more than anyone.

[barbaracleboy]

So, because I’ve been seeing a few different takes and opinions on Vi’s relationship with The Hive, I thought that maybe I could give my take on it too, because why not? Please keep in mind that I’m a little stupid, and I tend to not dig deep when analyzing things: I like watching or reading in-depth analyses, but I tend to think about stories or gameplay mechanics largely on what I can see, and I don’t think that hard about the complexities or realities or whatever of most things. So forgive me if many of my points are obvious, or if some of what I say isn’t that well-thought out or anything like that. Also, as always, I have absolutely zero intention to insult anybody or tell them they’re viewing the game wrong: we all view things differently, and I thought it’d be nice if I talk a little about how I viewed Vi’s story, if for no other reason than to just explain why I say or draw or do what I do. With that in-mind, hopefully my analysis isn’t too simple or whatever…

Vi didn’t like The Hive, we know this. The reasons she gives, if I remember, are mainly that nobody believed in her dreams of being an explorer (and many made fun of her for it). With this “analysis” I wish to get into why I felt the Bees didn’t believe in Vi and why Vi said what she did.

To start off, the fact that The Hive discouraged Vi’s exploring, and the behavior of The Hive in a couple other ways, seems to be based on IRL beehives, and how Bees in general aren’t aggressive. As such, it could make sense that they didn't approve of the idea of one of their own going out to go exploring, potentially looking for trouble and getting themselves hurt. A more unique, in-universe reason also exists: Snakemouth Den. Now, while Snakemouth Den has also been known to be scary to the Ants, they had a reason not to discourage exploration: it held an artifact that the Ant Queen wanted. The Bees clearly didn’t care as much about the Sapling or anything that can help them obtain it (considering they used an artifact to make their factory and didn’t even know it), so when they heard of their kind going to Snakemouth Den and never coming back, their reaction was likely something like “Holy shit, stay away from that place and any place like it.” They didn’t want treasures or immortality (at least most of them didn’t), and if trying to get it meant death they’d rather stay away from it. Speaking of Queens, Bianca probably also plays a hand in why the Bees were so against Vi becoming an explorer. By Vi’s own admission Bianca is a pacifist, and that coupled with Bianca (trying to) treat her subjects more like her children than most Queens seem to points to the idea that she feels her little babees would be safer and happier at home than exploring. This care for safety can be seen as soon as and even before you enter The Hive: there’s a little room to scan for anything that could potentially be harmful to The Hive, and you can’t even enter without having a guard start the elevator for you. They clearly want danger as far away from them as possible. “Why does Bianca have a military if she’s a pacifist and cares for her kids’ safety, then?”  Honestly, that’s a good question, and the best answer I have is that it’d be stupid not to have a defense force, especially in the Lost Sands (which are home to all sorts of Bandits and monsters) and with the close proximity to with The Wasps (who are known to usually be aggressive, and have particularly been so since some time before the start of the game). That’s not even getting into Vi being a teenager, which would probably further discourage The Hive from supporting her wanting to be an explorer: you should support the dreams of young people, but there’s a difference between a kid, I don’t know, wanting to be an engineer and wanting to be a bounty hunter. One is notably more dangerous (and probably less common) than the other, and while stomping on a kid’s dream is mean it’s perhaps better, in some scenarios, than encouraging them to do something that can get them killed. Hell, a large part of why Vi became as successful an explorer as she did was that she had a team to help her out, and she initially didn’t seem to want that. A young girl, in a society that cares a ton about being safe, trying to go off and fight monsters and bad guys on her own (probably just in the hopes of getting rich)? It’s no wonder her peers wouldn’t support that.

All that said, do I think Bees were justified in denying Vi her dream? That she should have just shut up and sucked it up? No, of course not. They clearly cared too much about safety, to the point that they let one of their own leave anyway due to her feeling so out of place for thinking differently. There was clearly a lack of empathy for her, and I highly doubt that their responses to Vi were all variations of “Now, now, don’t hurt yourself!”, there probably was a lot of teasing and even some bullying. Now, I don’t think Vi is invalid or wrong for leaving or being upset...but I also feel like she may not be too reliable a “Narrator”. 

That’s not to say she was lying, that she never experienced anything bad in The Hive...but to be frank, she is a [bit of a stupid d:] teenager. She’s a little selfish, she’s a little reckless, and she probably said and did a lot of what she said and did due to big teen emotions. She talked about Bees like they were all bullies, and pompous, but does The Hive really give that impression? Do the Bees? When she returns almost none of them seem to bring up anything bad, they don’t seem to be making fun of her, there doesn’t seem to be any animosity towards her from them, despite how bad she tended to speak of them. “Well, Vi probably didn’t know a lot of them, and vice versa.” That could very well be true, but most of the ones we see in-game seem to have experience with Vi: even ignoring all the ones that have a notable amount of screen time or mandatory dialogue, Vi seems to know multiple of them by name, and many of them know Vi’s name too, and if she’s been gone so long you’d think one would have forgotten the other unless they had spent a non-insignificant time together. She seems to have formed relationships with multiple bees, and while few if any of them were as close as the one she formed with Jaune they probably existed, it’s not like she got along with nobody but Jaune. The point I’m trying to make by talking about relationships is that you’d think there would be multiple Jaune-type situations, of Vi being very mad at one of the bees and vice versa, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Vi’s anger is mostly general, she mostly talks crap about The Hive as a whole, while few if any of the bees seem to hold a grudge against her. This leads me to think that Vi makes a big deal about all the other bees bullying her out of hyperbole, and her emotions making her think the situation’s worse than it is: I mean, she claims that all bees are pompous, but really only Beette fits that description, right? And even Beette is noted to not be that bad, for selling you the key to the house of whatever (though personally I feel she still seemed pretty rude, but eh). Vi is very upset, to the point that she says things that aren’t entirely true and kind of throw multiple people under the bus (I know that type of anger, let me fuckin’ tell you). This anger, of course, comes because she was so close to Jaune, and enjoyed time with her more than any other Bee. I assume Vi was hoping Jaune would support that dream more than the other bees would, but when she didn’t Vi was really hurt, and in her anger she said bad things to everybody in The Hive and left. She probably wasn’t thinking about what she was saying or how leaving would affect her or whatever, she was just having angry teenage angst and she wanted out (having said that, you could totally make the argument that Jaune was a jerk for being so upset about a little insult, but again, eh). I feel like Vi might have even felt she was being irrational, at least deep down, but what she was feeling at the time of her leaving took priority. When Kabbu falls through the trapdoor in Snakemouth, Vi says something along the lines of “This is the perfect time to go home.” It’s probably a throwaway line, maybe I’m overthinking things for once, but what if that was her going “Okay, I know I said all that stuff but things are really bad now and I just wanna go home.” I can believe that, when I was young I said and tried to do some stupid things, but it didn’t take long before I decided to at least try to calm down, do something less intense maybe. I can believe that a kid like Vi would try something crazy in order to stick it to everyone who said she couldn’t, but would perhaps think twice upon seeing the dangers. Vi and Kabbu had barely spent any time in Snakemouth before he fell, so I imagine that when Vi saw there was some actual danger in exploring she at least briefly thought about how she behaved, thought that she might have been letting her emotions get the best of her, and considered going home where she probably was safe. Even if she didn’t intend go all the way back to The Hive, the point is that what she said and did when leaving could very well have been her just acting out in frustration. In the end it’s for the best that she continued with exploring (for a wide variety of reasons), but my point is that her initial push to do so came largely from that initial bout of frustration.

So, to make a long story short, I feel that The Hive cared very heavily about safety, for many reasons, and as such wished for Vi to not be an explorer for her own good. Things were not that bad for Vi, but when much of her society, including her closest sister, didn’t approve of what she wanted she threw somewhat of a fit and ran off, perhaps feeling that she was overreacting a little but being too young and headstrong to not do exactly what she wanted to do. Once again, my point here is not that The Hive was right, Vi was wrong. It’s more that the situation was complicated and bad, and both Vi and her peers had a lot to learn (which, in my opinion, they mostly did learn by the end of the main story). 

I don’t know, I think a big part of why I go to bat for The Hive so much is that I very, very much value family. It’s kind of how I was raised, I feel that the people that share your blood, that likely live with you and likely care for you and likely know about you way more than most other people are special, and that the relationships with them are also special, so it’s best to try and keep things as good with them as possible. I’m not saying that you should be a slave to people, or you should take abuse from people, or that you should support bad behavior, all because those involved are related to you. I just feel that it’s important to try and understand the feelings of those you’re close to, and that (when fair and applicable) we should always try to have the best possible relationship with our family. Vi initially failed with both of these, and so did Jaune and many of the other bees.

To go on a little tangent, I think the family stuff is a big part of why I love The Hive as much as I do. With how many of the Bees seem to know each other (compared to the Ants, where there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of interactions implied or otherwise), how Bianca views The Bees as her children, and how Vi’s formed a close relationship with one of her many, many sisters, The Hive just seems to be a family much more than any other kingdom: this is in both good ways like Bees being closer, and less than good ways like having unfortunate situations (failures to communicate, misunderstandings, and feelings of being ignored or unsupported) like many families do. I think I like all that a lot due to my aforementioned value of family stuff, and one can even give lore-y reasons for it being neat. Like, real life bug colonies don’t really do family stuff, right? They just work to care for the colony, that’s it. That The Hive holds much more in the way close bonds could be a sign of the change from crystals continuing, and having more effects than immediately obvious: not only are bugs losing limbs but living longer, they’re gaining their own wants, and they’re former closer bonds to each other than “This is my fellow worker, we both will make the honey.” I just find that sweet, I think, and with what’s shown of Vi and how she interacts with The Hive in-game I think it tells a sweet story of a girl feeling separated from her home and family but learning that things weren’t that bad, repairing bridges that could have stayed burnt, and probably bringing about changes that will make the people there happier. Bianca mentions how “We have heard of [Vi’s] exploits”, and how “the outside world did [her] some good”: from the sounds of it multiple Bees were proud of Vi for her success as an explorer, and one can imagine that leading to more explorers coming from The Hive, as well as the Bees learning to support unique ideas more. For as sad as the situation with Vi and The Hive was, it seems to have with her learning to like her old home again and it will likely lead to it getting even better than it was before.

Hoo, that was a whole lot of talking and I can’t help but fear that a lot of it is either rambly, repetitive, or illogical...but, uh, if you read all the way through it then thank you so much! I appreciate it, and I hope it wasn’t too difficult to read. I bet there’s all sorts of stuff we don’t know that could be for or against my reading: for all we know Bianca kept Vi in a cupboard back when she lived in The Hive, for all we know Vi set multiple Bees on fire on purpose. But, based on what we do know, that’s how I feel about the situation. Once more, I do not intend to insult anybody that thinks differently from me or anything (tbh I get the impression a lot of people may think different from me, ha): I just prefer funnier and happier stuff (as I feel I’ve said many times before), and I just felt like showing why I viewed the deal with Vi and The Hive to be a sad one, but one rife with misunderstanding (amongst the bugs involved at least) and one that ended quite positively. If you disagree that’s perfectly fine, I just hope I explained myself in a way that makes sense and isn’t like, stupidly simple or ignorant or whatever. Even if it is, I apologize. I just think the Bees are all cute and I like to think that they’re happy, ha.

[empressxmachina]

Is THIS what will push me to make an AO3 account? (not clickbait) (surprising)

[See this journal in a better layout on my blog site or on DeviantArt.]

I’ve fallen so down abysmal for the Help, I Shrunk My… series – “…Teacher“, then “…Parents”, and finally (?) “…Friends” – especially the last movie and its scenes between peers, that I have such an uncharacteristic urge to write a fanfic.

Yep, fanfic. I did say uncharacteristic. But with the cuteness and quality, especially at certain scenes in “…Friends” like below, I don’t think you can blame me.

“Holy shit, I’m going to pass out/die/shit myself/etc.” -me, at nearly everything in this series

(Post?) Pubescent Pairings

A. The Classic Couple.

I’m already, because I’m a serial romantic that loves a good self-insert, thinking to name the whole story “Help, I Shrunk My Lover/Girlfriend” or something cheesy like that (maybe even in German?) for Felix and Ella to be stuck together and have to deal with (post?-) pubescent awkwardness. I mean, I feel so honey-dicked that we got cute shit like this and its amazing scene…

God, look at that FOV, the (lack of) focus, the size difference, the subtitle, that face… Fuck.

…but it had to be ruined because – SPOILER – the dumb, lusting teen boy couldn’t see what was literally right in front of him for years until the end of the third movie! Plus, being steps away from a married couple of hotheads, who knows what kind of fights or arguments they’d get into? Are you telling me you wouldn’t want a scene like this again?

That stick is actually way too big to really be a toothpick (or is it?), but I’m not mad. We stan a brave queen.

B. The Will-They/Won’t-They Duo

I’m thinking of making Mario and Melanie into each other, too, as irony based on how much they hated each other for most of the last movie. She stole his phone (and everything else) and then his heart. (lol, I’m so sorry.) Maybe she’d still have some fancies for Felix but then sees that Mario has redeeming qualities of his own, on top of a rich background (not that it matters, but money is cool). My main focus in mind was just for Ella to be shrunken, with Melanie being the supportive gal pal, but given she’s new and hasn’t yet been small herself, maybe this would be the time.

I think Mario would’ve totally gotten over the prepubescent power drive from the first movie by now and certainly no longer has even the slightest grudge over Melanie causing and/or catalyzing chaos that could be played with if he had to deal with a small her. Surely.

C. The Bros in the Back

Would it be too presumptive to make Chris and Robert maybe gay for each other… or even absolutely the opposite? I respect a strong friendship and/or bromance, and LGBTQ+ representation is always a win, too. But for either, I don’t want to do anything “just because” or because it’s “(not) woke;” it should add to the story and have meaning. After all, a situation like “Dude, I love you, and I’ll love you forever, but not like that” could be just as cute. We stan supportive introspection between men. Bros before hoes, you know?

Though, maybe they’re likely the great masterminds to figure out what/why the plot thickens. They seem like the most intelligent of the squad, even if they were only henchmen at the beginning.

D. The Elders

I guess it would only make sense for Schmitty or Felix’s parents to get shrunk again, as is tradition. Maybe the former would be due to considering retirement from teaching/being principal.

I’d do anything to get Hausmeister Michalsky protecting her with his hat again.

As for the parents, it’d likely be a wrong place, wrong time situation. I don’t know.

Unless Sandra and Peter were snooping again, I doubt Felix would willingly do this to them.

Overarching Themes

Aging for Innuendo

Regarding all this, I do know that I’d like to make the story time-skipped a bit, making the kids at least U.S.-adult-aged for my own sake. I am a fan of double entendre, cheekiness, and raw emotion, so I’d love to spill them all over a story or characterization if fitting. However, I couldn’t bear to see or write any kiddos explicitly going through with any entailed implications – that shit’s illegal, lmao. Plus, why even risk something like that when an age-up takes away all the trouble, thus not make any innuendos or ideas awkward?

In a fun way, small or not, wouldn’t seeing the gang party together with real man’s drinks or whatever be cool? What about someone getting turnt on a thimble’s worth or a gummy bear’s paw?

The cups have been used. That’s adorable. +10 points for realism.

In a trash way, if a greater trust was built between Felix and Ella to wear one would suggest taking a bath with the other, and a small Ella floating in the soap ocean bumps into something on her back, only to realize all of Felix’s (normal) limbs are out of distance, in view, and/or just not able to touch her yet he’s blushing, then what would that imply? (It could be nothing, but it could be something.)

Why, Though?

I just can’t figure out a supposedly new catalyst for the ultimate shrinking plot point, mostly due to the main chaos causers, aka the ancient magic users that tackled the school, being sent to the Shadow Realm in the last movie. I do have some ideas, but I’d always love to hear more.

*Oh, Hulda Stechbarth… Bless this crazy bitch, lol.

Throughout the series, people going to our wanting to go to America was frequently brought up. Maybe, like Ilvermorny is to Hogwarts, maybe there’s a (maybe American) (college?) counterpart to the Leonhard school that is interested in the kids. Could the sudden shrinking be a part of the admissions or entrance exam process, such as figuring out how to reverse it? I can’t imagine someone still wanting to go to a school that risked its prospective students’ lives, but who knows? Still, I’m sure the friends would debate whether going overseas for any school is the best idea, especially with the ridiculous costs. Could differing views cause tension?

What if one between Felix and Ella considered it, but the other didn’t, and a coincidentally timed dream for them to stay together – not unlike Minami-kun no Koibito, if you know it – made one of them small with no way for Felix to turn the affected back to normal (due to the tests)? What if people start believing that Felix is intentionally not transforming people back, despite not being at fault but trying his best the whole time?

I suppose another villain is cool, too, but what would be their spite? Would Felix getting all of Leonhard’s power be enough to spark something?

***

I want to do this, but I rarely finish anything now. I can’t even think of a proper plot! Maybe putting this out into the world will inspire myself or even someone else to give a fanfic a shot or at least expose this series to our fandom more (like when I found Dwarfina and blushed at every scene, despite not knowing a lick of Tagalog)!

The third movie pretty much just released, so I only see it (legally) able for streaming (via renting or buying) via Vudu and Amazon Prime Video (in the U.S.). It maybe more widespread in Germany where it was made. (Though, VPNs do exist…) But the first and second movies can be bought or rented from multiple sources, surely.

In any case, let me know what y’all think, and feel free to share your thoughts!

[the--highlanders]

Wishful Thinking

Jamie looks for some comfort after a nightmare, the Doctor wonders if he ought to be encouraging things, and neither of them particularly want to admit what's really going on.

on ao3.

It had been wishful thinking, perhaps, to leave the door unlocked, and just ajar enough to let out a sliver of light into the corridor, welcoming but not too deliberate. Of course, he should not have been hoping for anything at all, he told himself sternly. Jamie only came to see him when he was unable to sleep. It was rather unfair, to be waiting for him to have a nightmare, and all for the sake of indulging his own selfishness. Quite a poor show of gallantry indeed. He could only hope that Jamie saw his eagerness to help as friendliness, and nothing more.

And yet – when the door did creak open, and Jamie slipped inside, he felt a horrid little rush of satisfaction. Jamie said nothing at all, but simply padded over to the bed, settling himself on the free side and fussing with the covers until they sat smoothly over his lap. Another little voice had begun to whisper inside the Doctor’s head, quieter than the one telling him not to be so pleased about Jamie’s suffering. It’s perfectly natural to be glad that he’s so comfortable here. This is my ship, after all, and it’s my job to make him feel welcomed.

But helping Jamie to find his way around the ship and work the various gadgets it held was one thing. Inviting him into his bed in the middle of the night if he couldn’t sleep was quite another.

“Nightmare?” he said softly, squirming further under the covers himself and setting aside his book. He had not been reading the thing, anyway. It must have been half an hour since he had last turned a page. But in his defence – the TARDIS had been distracting him terribly, making noises that sounded like Jamie’s footsteps in the corridor outside, and he had not been able to read more than a few words without glancing up to see if the door would open.

Nodding, Jamie twisted his hands together in his lap, his head bowed. “I dinnae want tae talk about it,” he mumbled.

“Alright.”

He knew perfectly well that he only had to wait for Jamie to tell him – and sure enough, after a few moments Jamie leant over to rest his head against his shoulder, turning his head so his mouth was pressed against the thicker patch of fabric on the shoulder of the Doctor’s shirt. Like he thought it would muffle his words enough that the Doctor would not hear them. “It was – the Cybermen,” he murmured. “Again,” he added, his voice tinted with the echo of a humourless laugh, as if he expected the Doctor to criticise his nightmares for their lack of creativity. “They got Ben an’ Polly, an’ then they got ye, an’ I was tryin’ tae get away from them, but I kept thinking -” He snuffled in a long breath through his nose, reaching up his hand to rub at his eyes. Rather than put it down again, he curled his fingers over the Doctor’s shoulder and against the back of his neck, digging them into his shirt. “But I kept thinkin’, ye know, ye were all gone, so what was the point in keepin’ on goin’?”

His words turned every nerve in the Doctor’s body to ice. He sat up taller, dislodging Jamie slightly so he could stare down at him. “Jamie -”

“I know what you’re gonnae say.” Jamie waved one hand at him idly, shuffling over to readjust his position. “I’m alright, really. It was just a dream.”

“Well. If you’re sure.” The Doctor pursed his lips. Humans were terribly complicated things, sometimes. He could go through an entire day never realising that Jamie was anything other than perfectly cheerful. But it was too cheerful, if he really thought about it and remembered what Jamie had left behind to join them. And now, with Jamie sharing his bed so often, he was beginning to understand precisely what Jamie kept carefully tucked away.

“Dunno why I keep dreamin’ about them,” Jamie as saying, “when I havenae even seen them as much as ye, or Ben, or Polly. None of the rest of ye seem tae have nightmares about them, anyway.”

It was a twisted sort of flattery, to have Jamie tell these things to him, and him alone. Some kind of odd bond of truthfulness that made the Doctor say things he would never say to anyone else, either.

“I do have nightmares about them,” he said softly. “Amongst other things.”

“Oh.”

Jamie drew away from him, shuffling down the bed to pull the covers up until only his eyes were visible. The loss of his warmth struck a pang through the Doctor, but he did not dare settle down himself and curl up beside Jamie. Suppose, he thought, Jamie was disappointed by the revelation that he had nightmares of his own? Suppose he had shattered some sort of glossy image Jamie had of him?

But all Jamie said was “sorry.”

“It’s, ah -” He paused, wondering whether to say something more. “It’s alright.”

Jamie uncurled a little, but still only a sliver of his face was visible. He muffled a yawn in his pillow, stretching out all his limbs and spreading his fingers like a cat would its claws. “Ye always keep it so warm in here,” he mumbled. “Makes me sleepy.”

“Well, I suppose that’s a good thing.” Truth be told, the heat was higher than he would normally have set it. He had simply been feeling a little sluggish that evening. But he ought to always keep his room this warm, he told himself, if this was the reception it would get. “You ought to be asleep.”

“Mm.” Rolling over, Jamie wrapped his arms around the Doctor’s middle and dragged him down to join him. He nuzzled into his shoulder and settled his head against his side, and the Doctor could do nothing but stare down at him, all the breath stolen out of his body. Whatever Jamie had thought of his admission that he had nightmares, it did not seem to have bothered him too much. “So should ye.”

“Jamie, I -” He held his hands out as if to push Jamie away, but he could not quite bring himself to touch him – or did not have the heart to do it. “I, ah, I don’t need to sleep as much as you – I was reading, before you came in -”

“Aye, I know.” Jamie rocked back and forth a little, nuzzling in tighter. He was delightfully cuddly when he was sleepy, the Doctor thought with grudging affection. Even if he would be out of bed before the Doctor woke the next morning, off to sit at the breakfast table stabbing his spoon into his bowl of porridge and pointedly avoiding the Doctor’s eyes. It was terribly sweet while it lasted. And while it was a little early for him, the last vestiges of the cold were dragging his eyelids down, and the idea of nestling in beside Jamie was awfully tempting.

“I don’t need to sleep,’ he repeated, more than a little weakly. “I’m not tired at all, Jamie.” The conviction of his words was – well – more than a little ruined, he supposed, by the fact that he had to muffle a yawn almost before he had stopped speaking.

“Ye always say that,” Jamie mumbled. “An’ you’re always readin’, or fiddlin’, or doin’ something. An’ now ye tell me ye have nightmares sometimes.”

“Jamie,” the Doctor protested softly. “Just because you’re – it doesn’t mean I’m -” Goodness, but if it didn’t make him a little flustered, to hear Jamie so self-confident in looking after him.

“Maybe so.” Jamie cracked one eye open to look up at him. “But I could do with some company tonight, an’ I think ye could, too.”

“Oh, very well.”

For all his grumbling about it, somehow it seemed like the easiest thing in the world, to lie there next to Jamie and close his eyes. The thought almost made him sit bolt upright again, throwing off Jamie’s grip on him entirely. This was completely silly – completely dangerous, for both Jamie and himself – a sort of longing he should not be feeling, a fantasy he should not entertain – he ought to get up and walk away. That would be the proper thing to do. It had been wrong of him, he scolded himself, to let Jamie become so – so – dependent on him. This was the fourth night this week where Jamie had come crawling into his bed, and it was letting him entertain thoughts of having this every night, of Jamie sleeping beside him out of affection rather than necessity, and it needed to stop.

“Doctor?” Jamie had sat up a little, drawing away from him but still propping his hands up on the Doctor’s shoulder. “Are ye alright?” He moved further away, pushing himself onto his knees and elbows. “I can go, if ye like, I dinnae have tae -”

“Stay?” It sounded rather pitiful, when said like that. He had been hoping for something slightly more impactful. “Ah – if you want,” he added.

“’Course I do.”

“That’s quite alright, then. Oh -” The Doctor reached his arms out, and Jamie responded more enthusiastically than he could ever have hoped, rolling into his embrace and settling his head on his chest. Wrapping his arms around him, the Doctor closed his eyes. Jamie would leave in the morning, he told himself. Wake up embarrassed, and run, and cast funny glanced at him for hours afterwards, and reply just a little too loudly whenever Ben and Polly asked him something. And they would never speak about it, until the next time Jamie pushed his door open in the middle of the night. Whatever vulnerability Jamie let himself show on nights like this, he was clearly not quite ready to put a name to it yet. If he was honest with himself, the Doctor did not know if he was entirely prepared, either. But the feeling of Jamie’s arms around him was warm through his shirt, and if he turned his head just so he could bury his face in Jamie’s hair so it tickled his nose, and he was happy, here, like this, with this nameless thing between them.

The thought made his cheeks sting, and he steered his mind firmly away. Cosmic storms, that was what he had been reading about. He had seen them, sometimes, great, swirling explosions of light and colour and energy. They were bright, and they were beautiful, and he did not think he could ever tire of them. But there was always a stillness before them, like before a thunderstorm on Earth. A pause as the universe teetered on a knife’s edge. Something vast and unknowable drawing in a breath. Sometimes, he thought, the great, comfortable dark before the storm was just as good as the storm itself.

“I’m supposed to be looking after you,” he mumbled half-heartedly.

“Ye are,” Jamie murmured back, his voice muffled in the Doctor’s side. “You’re lookin’ after me by lettin’ me look after you.”

The Doctor pondered that for a moment, turning it over in his head. “I’m not sure I quite understand how that works.”

“Ye don’t have to.” Jamie hugged him closer. “Ye just have tae leave me to it, an’ I’ll be alright.”

[squidproquoclarice]

We're coming up on a brother reunion real soon right? So can you do a Red Talk on John and Arthur's relationship?

I love me some Red Dead Brodemption, and I’m looking forward to the reunion, and how that shapes things after, as much as y’all.  I’m not certain what’ll happen so this should be fun.  As to when, I’m pretty sure it’ll happen by the end of Chapter XIII (Horseshoe Overlook II).  As usual, I’m kind of taking the story as it comes and letting it find its own flow, and forcing the reunion in earlier just didn’t feel right.

OK, so we have a few confirmed pieces: John is 10 years younger than Arthur (given 1863 and 1873 birthdates), that they found John in Illinois when he was 12, that Abigail joined in 1894 at age 17 (1877 birthdate), quickly got pregnant, and gave birth to Jack in 1895 (4 years old in 1899).  John tried to deny paternity and generally shunned the responsibility of being a father, and at some point between 1895 and 1899, also disappeared for a whole year.  Arthur is still incredibly pissed about this.

My meta is that John’s sudden adoption threw a 22-y-o Arthur into a panic.  He’s clearly always struggled with feeling insecure and worthless, and Dutch and Hosea suddenly fawning over this new boy, talking about educating him, making him one of the family, etc. means he’s failed.  He’s not lived up to what they needed him to be, and so they’re turning to someone who can replace him.  It’s not pretty that a grown, even if very young, man is threatened by a child, but given Arthur’s traumas and mental issues, it’s understandable.

So he started to act out.  Went chasing jobs, bringing in more money, to prove that a man, not a boy, was what Dutch needed.  That he was still worth his place.  Dutch loved it, of course, and probably took advantage of Arthur’s desperation and willingness to do about anything to prove himself.

That cost him his relationship with Mary as she saw he wasn’t moving further away from the gang like he’d promised, but sinking even further into criminal life.  I also HC that shortly after this, Arthur and Eliza had their lonely drunken hookup that resulted in Isaac.  So his life pretty much turned into a disaster for a few months there in 1885 because he was running around in a total panic.

He was likely kind of an asshole to John early on, because if you’re deathly afraid of being replaced by this kid, why would you be nice?  But being stuck together for the winter, they learned to get along.  Arthur saw that he wasn’t being kicked out.  John was the golden boy, the new favorite, and that wasn’t going to change.  Dutch and Hosea still valued him for what he could do.  He resigned himself to being the workhorse, and earning his place via his skills.  Plus Arthur being Arthur, he’s a soft touch, especially for kids and animals, and so he’d have seen more than a little of himself in this feral little gremlin.  I think he switched pretty quickly, once he made his peace with being somewhat replaced, to being John’s fiercest defender.

On John’s side, he initially hated Arthur a bit too, because a grown man picking on you when you’ve been let down and hurt by adults in your life already, cool.  Once things softened, and John started to settle in and soften his own trauma-based armor, he idolized Arthur.  This former illiterate street rat, just like John, who’d become this formidable man who seemingly could do everything, and do it well.  He had Dutch and Hosea’s absolute trust, rather than being an ignorant kid who couldn’t even read.  Everything John wanted to be, really.  

So for a good while I think the two of them had a very close-knit relationship.  There was always something unequal about it, because John was a kid still, but they were brothers and would have done anything for each other.  As you get past 1890 and John turning 17 or so, things started to shift again.  Arthur would always be more capable, wiser, and older, but now John was becoming an adult himself.  They could start to relate a bit more as peers, and John in particular really craved that.  Arthur’s respect and praise was probably the one he wanted most, because it was so hard earned.

1890-1894 were probably promising years for their relationship.  Arthur lost Eliza and Isaac in 1890, and took that as a sign.  He quietly resigned himself to a life of nothing but the gang, and worked even harder.  John started to grow up.  Then the “Jackcident” happened, and things went to shit again.  Arthur had lost a family only a few years before, and he saw John making a similar mistake, but even worse--unlike Eliza who wouldn’t join the gang or marry Arthur, Abigail was right there.  John doing the right thing would cost him so little, but he refused.

Things deteriorated from there, and John hid his overwhelmed insecurities behind a slut-shamey “The kid’s probably not even mine”, and saw Arthur turn into a coldly judgmental asshole again about it.  What did Arthur know about this anyway?  He’d been chasing the same unattainable woman for years (or so John thought) who’d made it clear she wouldn’t have him.  But fine, if he couldn’t have Arthur’s respect, maybe it wasn’t worth having anyway, the judgmental prick.  If Arthur can’t forgive him when he’s this cold-hearted clay statue who doesn’t care to understand what love and relationships are like outside of storybooks, screw him.

As for Arthur, his inability to straight talk John about Eliza and Isaac meant he just turned frosty and angry, and it stayed that way.  Then John left, and it got even worse, because that meant John had betrayed the gang, betrayed his son and the woman who’d borne his child, and he’d also betrayed Arthur and all the affection he had for John, and the hopes that John would turn out better than him. 

Arthur’s still pretty pissed about this and John returned at least a year prior to Chapter 1, so he is absolutely holding a grudge.  Plus John’s every bit as resentfully defensive about it as Arthur is frostily judgmental.  That to me speaks to them having to have had a really close relationship before John’s shunning his responsibilities to Jack and Abigail caused this rupture, because you honestly don’t react that strongly, or passive-aggressively, to someone you don’t give a shit about.  You tend to ignore them totally.

Chapter 4′s “Angelo Bronte, A Man Of Honor” (RIP Bronte glitch, I miss you) is really a huge turning point, and seems to show how things used to be between them.  John’s trying hard to relate to Arthur in that mission, admitting his failures as a father, admitting his fear for Jack.  Arthur responds readily to that admission of responsibility and concern, like he’s been waiting for exactly that all this time, because he has.  It ends with a moment of them returning to the awkward impasse they’ve been in for years, with John’s inability to even say to Arthur what it means to him that he helped rescue Jack beyond “Thank you”, after finally admitting his failures openly.  But then we return again to a glimpse of something brighter with Arthur’s quiet, “I understand...go be with your family.”  There’s a sense of much-needed forgiveness in that.  

It starts really paying off in Chapter 6, because it’s finally there that we see the two of them able to stand there and talk to each other as grown men, like they never had a chance to do before.  Though there’s the interesting note to that whole thing that even as they’re relating as men, it also returns to where it began: Arthur giving so much of himself to protect and teach John, and John idolizing Arthur as the standard by which he measures himself (and all too often falls short.) 

But there’s something left still unfinished there, because the relationship is still unbalanced.  It needs John to kick off Arthur’s boots he’s been trying so hard to wear all these years, so to speak, and finding his own that fit and becoming his own man, and Arthur being able to slip off the yoke of carrying so much weight for John while he continues to grow up.  So yeah, there’s some work left to accomplish in 1907.  ;)