#growing up queer in australia

[bowokshop]

Growing Up Queer in Australia - edited Benjamin Law

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

‘No amount of YouTube videos and queer think pieces prepared me for this moment.’ ‘The mantle of “queer migrant” compelled me to keep going – to go further.’ ‘I never “came out” to my parents. I felt I owed them no explanation.’ ‘All I heard from the pulpit were grim hints.’ ‘I became acutely aware of the parts of myself that were unpalatable to queers who grew up in the city.’ ‘My queerness was born in a hot dry land that was never ceded.’ ‘Even now, I sometimes think that I don’t know my own desire.’ Compiled by celebrated author and journalist Benjamin Law, Growing Up Queer in Australia assembles voices from across the spectrum of LGBTIQA+ identity. Spanning diverse places, eras, ethnicities and experiences, these are the stories of growing up queer in Australia.

‘For better or worse, sooner or later, life conspires to reveal you to yourself, and this is growing up.’

With contributions from David Marr, Fiona Wright, Nayuka Gorrie, Steve Dow, Holly Throsby, Sally Rugg, Tony Ayres, Nic Holas, Rebecca Shaw and many more.

I am privileged enough to have grown up with the internet, with information about queer people and queer identities so difficult to hide, such that even at a christian school, I was able to find the words to describe myself almost as soon as I recognised those parts of myself.

Even so, hearing first-person accounts of Australian queer people, like me, dealing with Australia's culture and biases, made me felt seen in a way I don't think any other medium could have.

Growing Up Queer in Australia portrayed all different aspects of queerness, from celebration and pride to rejection and heartbreak. It was a wonderful reflection of thoughts and feelings I've had, as well as those I would never have considered to be part of the queer experience.

I really appreciated the range of queer identities represented in the book; from lesbian and gay to queer, every letter of LGBTQ+ was represented. I do wish we got more stories from the '+' part of the queer community, but I am glad that Growing Up Queer does make an effort to include more than just gay and lesbian authors. I especially appreciated the range in gender identities and presentation of the authors, including both masc- and femme-presenting lesbians and their struggles, trans people who realised both early and late in life, people who had strong gendered feelings that didn't neatly fit into these boxes.

I also welcome the intersectionality present in Growing Up. As someone who is white and able-bodied, it was eye-opening to read how deep the authors' queerness was related to other marginalised parts of their identity such as disability and race. I appreciated the variety in Australian class and location represented in the book, including rural, small towns, suburban and city perspectives. It made me really happy in one story to notice where they were from and say "Hey, that's near me! That's my community!"

As Benjamin Law addresses in the wonderfully written foreword, I am very glad that the title chosen is 'Growing Up Queer in Australia.' The use of 'queer' feels very inclusive and tells me Law is not shying away from the tougher parts of queer identities in an effort to make the book more marketable.

For me personally though, trying to digest the a-spec parts of my identity has been a big part of my personal discovery, and for this reason I would loved to have seen asexual and aromantic representation. It seems from personal anecdote to make up a surprisingly large section of the lgbtq+ community, so it was a bit disappointing that with dozens of authors involved, there was not a single a-spec author.

In general, I was a little disappointed there weren't many authors from the '+' part of lgbtq+, such as a-spec, non-binary and genderfluid. There are some identities that feel marginalised even within the queer community and this book could have been a good opportunity to bring light to them. I would have especially loved to see 'contradictory' identities such as he/him lesbians.

I am still giving 5 stars because I understand when compiling and publishing a book like this, there will always be people who felt left out by it, and I can see and appreciate the effort that has gone into diversity and intersectionality in Growing Up Queer.

Growing Up Queer, through its diverse collection of stories, reaches out and says, You are not alone. There are others who have been in the same situation.

[frogwhispererer]

the concept of an ‘unauthorised protest’ is so fucked. we have to ask permission to disagree?? to have input in how our lives are run??

the right to protest MUST BE PROTECTED.

[phaedraismyusername]

Happy International Lesbian Day! Here's some super brief book recs to celebrate

Books dealing with love, loss, longing and abandonment

This is How You Lose The Time War is a short but beautifully written epistolary novel between two agents on opposite sides of a time war as they slowly fall in love.

Our Wives Under the Sea is one of the most beautifully written debuts I've ever read about a woman whose wife comes home wrong after they thought she'd died at sea and how it feels to grieve the loss of someone who's still in your home.

Lucky Red is a western novel about a young girl working in a brothel who meets her first female gunslinger and falls head over heels for her, and the consequences that come with loving dangerous people.

Body horror galore

Camp Damascus is about a young woman living in a super conservative christian town built around the worlds most successful conversion camp and the horrors that are uncovered there when praying the gay away fails.

To Be Devoured is about a woman whose fascination with the local vultures turns into obsession and the urge to know what carrion tastes like overtakes her life and leads her down stranger and stranger paths.

Chlorine is about a girl whose entire life revolves around being a competitive swimmer, and how abuse, neglect, and obsession with being the best takes its toll on the young women caught up in these destructive cycles.

Flawed character studies

Big Swiss is about a woman who has a kitchen floor reset in her 40s, moves away and starts a new life as a transcriber for a sex therapist and becomes obsessed with one of his clients before inserting herself into this poor woman's life.

The Seep is a speculative sci-fi set in a future where there's been a quiet alien invasion that has given people the ability to make almost any changes to their own bodies and what that world feels like to someone who doesn't want to partake.

Milk Fed is about a woman in therapy who feels cut off from almost everything until she meets another woman who triggers in her a melding of sex, hunger, and religion and where that takes her. Huge trigger warnings for ED content. It gets tough, y'all.

Fantastical wlw books

Bitterthorn is an amalgamation of fairytales retold as a slow burn sapphic love story between a sad young girl from a cursed land and the evil witch who takes her as a companion in the latest of the generational sacrifices made to appease her.

All the Bad Apples may be set in contemporary Ireland but it is a fairytale following a young girl as she travels across the country looking for a sister she refuses to believe is dead and the people she meets along the way.

Gideon the Ninth needs no introduction on this site but for the sake of formatting - lesbian necromancers in space who find themselves in an isolated murder mystery plot. It's not a romance but it is a love story and this series will change your life if you let it.

Translated novels

Boulder is a short character study following a free spirited woman when she accidentally settles down with the woman she loves and how love and resentment can take up the same space in your chest when life doesn't turn out the way you hoped it would.

Notes of a Crocodile is a cult classic coming of age story about queer teens in Taipei in the 1980s. It was written in the 90s so please keep that in mind if you choose to read it.

Paradise Rot is about an international student studying in Australia and her growing obsession with her housemate as they share a space that allows no privacy. I've never read anything that feels stickier.

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @albatris

Who You Are:

Logan || It/its

Hello! I'm a queer horror novelist and friend to cats from South Australia! I spend my time making art of all sorts, especially relating to my experiences of queerness and psychosis.

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Comedy, fantasy, horror, and sci-fi. Young adult and adult.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

Horror! There's such rich ground to explore in stories of horror and psychosis when you're not an ableist prick about it! There are unique and valuable stories to be told in the overlap here and I'm having a wonderful time weaving my own experiences of schizotypal personality disorder into my horror writing. It's the closest I've come to being able to share my inner world with others :)

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

Historial fiction! I don't have anything against the genre, but it's just not my cup of tea. I'd never feel like I'm nailing the time period due to the sheer amount of nuance and detail that I'd need to have on hand… major props to historical fiction writers, you are stronger and more organised writers than I

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

My target audience ranged from YA to adult, depending on the work in question. I want to speak to primarily people who are feeling disconnected and alone… I guess you could say my target audience is just myself of the past? I'm writing the stuff I needed to read, the stuff that would have made me feel seen and loved and understood. Anyone else is welcome along for the ride though ^.^ I hope others who don't see themselves in my work would catch a glimpse of a different way of understanding the world and be able to empathise and understand, and maybe have a lot of fun with it, too!

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

I love all that cheesy goodness about the power of friendship and the human capacity for kindness and connection! My stories, however otherwise horrifying or heavy, tend to come back to these at their core. My works all focus heavily on mental illness, neurodivergence and disability. I also have a soft spot for bendy realities, body horror, paranoia and hiveminds.

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

I cannot stand "the whole thing was just a delusion all along! none of it was ever real!" or "ooh they thought it was psychosis but it turns out it was ~magic~! see, our protagonist isn't CRAZY like those actually crazy people!" style plot twists. They're lazy and ableist! In general, I have zero tolerance for anything that demonises psychosis or uses psychosis only as an edgy plot twist.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

I have two main projects, "All the Doors are Open", a YA fantasy/horror about the collapse of reality, and "A Rental Car Takes a Left Down Rake Street and Disappears" a paranormal horror about a vampire hivemind. I've been working on some variation of ATDAO for eight years, and Rental Car is a baby by comparison, and was only created last year.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

I write for fun! As much as I love to connect with others and allow them a glimpse into my understanding of the world, I primarily write because I just like to have a good time hahaha. It's something I love to dabble in and explore, something I love to wander through, something I keep coming back to over and over. I just feel a pull to it :D

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

I've been writing since I was around six years old! Growing up as a kid with undiagnosed psychosis and delusions, I had a lot of funky weird ideas about reality. I quickly found my reality didn't match with those around me and often turned to fiction writing as a means to express myself in a way others found more "palatable". It's a way for me to open the door to communication!

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

All kinds of places! Songs, dreams, daydreams, personal experience, conversations… I have a very chaotic brain, I take in a lot of odd information and it all lays the foundation for odd ideas to grow!

What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?

I'm most proud of Rental Car at the moment! It was my first foray into proper full-on horror and my first time writing a specifically schizotypal protagonist like myself, and people have responded with enthusiasm to both! It's become a passion project I really adore and I'm proud of myself for taking the plunge and starting it :D

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

I'd love to publish in the future!

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?

I'm not sure what appeals to me the most, but marketing appeald to me least hahaha. I'm not really a big presence on social media and I hate promoting myself. I just want to be a hermit. I'm not cut out for marketing myself :P

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

I love editing! I love revision! I love wandering through this little garden I've written and pruning and polishing it. It's my favourite part of the process :D I don't have a least favourite part, at least not off the top of my head.

Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.

I have no setup! No schedule! I write when I feel like it and stop the moment I'm not having fun anymore. This has increased my productivity and enjoyment tenfold, as well as improve the quality of my work!

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

Around 8 years! I don't remember what initially inspired me to join.

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

@tracle0, a friend and pal, who has some of my favourite worldbuilding of all time and such incredible characters! I've been following them for a long time now and love hearing their thoughts :D

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

I love the creativity and enthusiasm! People have such wonderful brains and I love being able to hear people talk about their work with such passion and adoration!

What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?

I think… remembering that writeblr itself is not a hivemind! I see a lot of folks lamenting that they feel ignored by "the community" or that the community is dying, and I think a lot of people see writeblr as a huge monolith. It's not! People gotta focus more on finding a few good friends and a handful of works to be genuinely invested in, rather than trying to interact with the whole of the (ginormous!) community, and expecting the whole community to interact with them. Writeblr is a description of a type of blog, and it's incredibly diverse and complicated and broad! You won't vibe with everyone and it's not so much like an official club you join but a shared experience.

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

Man, I'm just vibing. I'm invested in a collection of works I try to keep up with, and I try to keep up with the little circle of writeblrs I'm involved with! Reblogging and getting excited. I'm also often that person who gets bored and goes "heyyyy I'm bored, does anyone have an oc I can draw"… I love doing art for people! Could I be doing more? Probably! But also, I'm not meant to be everything to everyone.

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

I don't have a preference!

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

Rambles, excerpts and art!

Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?

I'm just here, babey! And albatris on NaNoWriMo, too. And I guess if you like you can hit me up for my discord, I help run a small writing server!

[apricitystudies]

what i read in apr. 2023:

(previous editions) bold = favourite

class, race, & labour

the deputy and the disappeared (usa)

the dystopian underworld of south africa’s illegal gold mines

inside australia’s university wage theft machine

lydia maria child and the vexed role of the woman abolitionist (usa)

gender, sexuality, & intersectionality

the narcissist’s playbook

blurred lines, harbinger of doom

how revenge porn is used to silence dissidents in azerbaijan

queer villains are vital to understanding queer history

politics & current affairs

adrift

the rose-coloured tint on shou zi chew overlooks tiktok’s red flags

“we shouldn’t grow up dreaming that our friends don’t get killed”

how to wash your hands in a war zone (colombia)

why south koreans want the bomb

history, culture, & media

former south korea president’s grandson apologises to victims of gwangju massacre

singapore’s prison without walls made the world sit up in 1960s. how did it fall apart?

honey, i sold the kids

dril is everyone. more specifically, he’s a guy named paul

sudan

keep eyes on sudan (guide/resources)

sudan’s outsider

a plague o’ both your houses: the false dilemma of sudan’s elites

sudan’s coup has shattered the hopes of its 2019 revolution (2021 coup)

[radiocurrency]

Ya girl talked about their own journey growing up queer in regional Australia and the importance of supporting Queer Youth on my local radio today!

[stranded-ziggy]

Got home from work and tried to draw but I'm just not feeling it so...have some more thoughts since I don't want to go to therapy because frankly I'm too lazy.

So, touch wood but, whatever I was going through in the last couple of months seems to have left and I'm back to feeling a bit more confident and excited for Testosterone but still dreading real life responsibilities like taxes and a dentist appointment next week.

I'm trying to unpack what happened to make me feel like that again...

I think really, it's fun to use labels online and feel like I'm a part of a community but in reality I don't want to transition. I want to just, be a girl and goddamnit be good at it. But I'm just not, wearing make up earnestly makes me feel gross, growing my hair out makes me feel gross.

I feel confident in my short hair (got a long overdue haircut yesterday and maaan the difference it's made), can't leave the house without a binder on and I'm still super self conscious about my wide hips and yet, I just can't really admit to myself I'm actually trans.

I'm afraid of being unlovable, afraid of the people I care about turning against me, afraid I still won't like myself. I have to be really serious about this to take myself seriously and risk the life I only just started building and I've never been serious about anything my whole life.

I'm like Macklemore in that one song where he's adding up the reasons he must not be gay, liking sport and whatever else it was but in my case it's the fact I bought a dress (I probably won't ever wear but it's a colour I like and style I love to draw) and I idolize women like Marilyn Monroe. I put beauty and hygiene on an ultra high pedestal (a flaw, I know, I'll work on it one day when I know how) and sometimes, like what I was just going through, I convince myself I just want to be trans because I know I can't be a conventionally attractive woman. I know that's all ridiculous but I never claimed to have a high IQ, I got just as much brainrot from the internet as everyone else.

In a way I wish I could go back to living in a vacuum like I did when I was a shut in but I know that would just set me back again. But man, having things to lose is scary.

I'm very attached to rural Australia and country life, I probably always will be. Maybe it's just because I'm stubborn but I don't want to go back to the city, I think living standards out here are just so much better, life is just enjoyable. People give shits about each other, I actually have human interactions when I decide to go out shopping. Probably most importantly it's still so un-corrupted by the internet out here, practically no one at work knows what 'cancelled' or 'woke' mean and I love that.

Also, there's so many more queer people out here than in Sydney? It feels like in the city people are trying so hard to conform where out here no one really cares.

Don't get me wrong, the bigots are plenty which is why I bring this up at all. I'm not really scared outside of places people know me though because there's plenty of masculine looking cishet women in rural Australia so I blend right in whether I pass or not. But yeah, finding out people I work with and like suddenly hate me is a horrifying prospect. Enough to make me think I probably won't come out until for whatever reason I switch jobs. Which I hope won't be for a while because I like my work and feel lucky I get to work there.

So yeah, that's where I'm at now if you were bothered to read that, I'm sorry.

I still identify as genderfluid, but in the end I know I have to change things about myself to love myself. I also know there's certain effects of T that would really help me purely from a health perspective, so trans or not I'm trying to get a prescription.

[jflemings]

the love that australia has for the matildas is so special for someone who grew up playing all different types of sport with no visible female athletes to look up to. it’s so special because not only has the nation rallied behind a female team, but they’ve rallied behind one of the most openly queer teams in the sport. these women went into the world cup wanting to leave a legacy and did exactly that whilst also leaving a permanent mark on the australian sporting world and beyond.

i remember playing football in primary school and getting told that we couldn’t train the same way as the boys because of a lack of skill. it didn’t matter that we wanted to improve as individuals and a team, we were still told by grown adults that there wasn’t a point to it. we got a new coach, one that had immense faith in us, and took ourselves all the way to our school district’s grand final. despite the loss we all walked away proud that we had made it that far and put in the effort to get there.

when you show young people that you have faith in them and their abilities, they can do anything. the matildas are raising a generation of girls who will grow up to be determined, hard working and unapologetically themselves.

the future of women’s football is so bright in australia

[the-conquest-of-shred]

look this might sound odd considering I'm a bi guy in Australia, but growing up watching lots of movies I only ever really felt like I saw myself on screen and clung to it were queer coded girls in highschool comedies or thrillers because they were the only type of queer person imbued with any sort of hope to the point that as a grown ass 34 year old dad from another country I look at Max Caulfield and am like "she's just like me"

[archival-dodger]

Tonight marks the 45th annual Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras parade, one of the seminal moments in Australian queer history. Unfortunately— and in part because of the dominance of (US) American pride discourses, in part because of the transition of the parade from protest to celebration— there’s a general tendency to merely view Mardi Gras as ‘our Stonewall’ without understanding the broader context of Australian histories of sexuality and gender, or recognising the significant differences between Stonewall and Mardi Gras.

This year, I’m marking Mardi Gras by posting three excellent, accessible, and historically informed pieces on what happened on 24 June, 1978 & a piece about life for lgbtq+ elders, some of whom discuss the climate of the 70s and 80s:

ABC’s investigative, multimedia report on the 1st Mardi Gras— featuring interviews with the 78ers.

Sydney’s Mardi Gras: 40 Years of Pride and Protest— in pictures— Text by Nick Henderson, of the Australian Queer Archives.

The joy is waking up and liking who you are— Interviews with 6 lgbt+ elders, on their experiences growing up and growing to love who they are now.

It’s also worth noting that the ABC is airing a series on Australian queer history— Queerstralia— from Tuesday next week. Again, the Australian Queer Archives were one of the groups deeply involved in this, and I’m confident that it will be a genuine contribution to the public history of queer Australia.

Happy World Pride, and Happy Mardi Gras!

[ya-world-challenge]

YA Books from 🇦🇺 Australia (mostly indigenous)

Continuing the country lists for the YA World Challenge! Firstly, there is no way I can list all the YA books from Australia - there's too many! For that reason, I'm sticking to indigenous books only for the individual books list.

If you want to find more Aussie authors, look for the #LoveOZYA tag, google some lists, browse some goodreads lists, and follow @thereadingchallengechallenge. Also check out the following anthologies to find your new favorite Aussie author:

Kindred: 12 Queer #LoveOzYA Stories Hometown Haunts: #LoveOzYA Horror Tales Begin, End, Begin: A #LoveOzYA Anthology Underdog: #LoveOzYA Short Stories Meet Me at the Intersection

Indigenous YA The Things She's Seen, Amebelin & Ezekiel Kwaymullina (alt. Catching Teller Crow) 💚🦋 The Boy From the Mish, Gary Lonesborough (alt. Ready When You Are) 💚🌈 The Upwelling, Lystra Rose 💚🦋 Tracks of the Missing, Carl Merrison & Hakea Hustler 💚🦋 Swallow the Air, Tara June Winch 💚 Ghost Bird, Lisa Fuller 💚🦋 Songs That Sound Like Blood, Jared Thomas 💚🌈 Calypso Summer, Jared Thomas 💚 Sweet Guy, Jared Thomas 💚 My Spare Heart, Jared Thomas 💚 The Interrogation of Ashala Wolf, Amebelin Kwaymullina (series) 💚🦋 Secrets from the Dust, George Hamilton ⌛ My Father's Shadow, Jannali Jones 💚 Too Flash, Melissa Lucashenko 💚 Killing Darcy, Melissa Lucashenko 💚 Grace Beside Me, Sue McPherson 💚 Brontide, Sue McPherson 💚 Wraith, Shane Smithers & Alex Smithers 💚🦋 Fog a Dox, Bruce Pascoe 💚 Njunjul The Sun, Meme McDonald Shauna's Great Expectations, Kathleen Loughnan

Middle Grade Bindi, Kirli Saunders 💚 Sister Heart, Sally Morgan 💚 Black Cockatoo, Carl Merrison & Hakea Hustler 💚 Ubby's Underdogs, Brenton E. McKenna (GN) 💚 Wombat, mudlark and other stories, Helen Milroy 💚 Wylah the Koorie Warrior, Jordan Gould, Richard Pritchard

Memoir & Nonfiction Growing Up Aboriginal in Australia, Various Authors 💚 Remembered By Heart: An Anthology of Indigenous Writing, Various Authors 💚 Blakwork, Alison Whittaker 💚 Jandamarra & the Bunuba Resistance: A True Australian Hero, Howard Pedersen⌛

Coming of Age Becoming Kirrali Lewis, Jane Harrison 💚⌛

💚 First Nations Author (based on author's bios, may be missing data) 🛩️ Immigrant or diaspora 🏖️ non-native characters in or about the country (ex. vacation/adventure) ⌛ Historical 🦋 Fantasy or Paranormal 🌈 LGBT

If you know of more titles I could add, just leave a comment! (I hope my sources weren't too outdated)

[0nemorestranger]

BOOKS THAT GIVE ME HOARD VIBES

paradise rot by jenny hval (queer surreal coming-of-age horror, translated from swedish; follows a woman going off to college who enters into an intense relationship with her roommate. lots of talk about religion, rotting fruit, mold, and piss)

carrie by stephen king ("female rage" horror; sixteen-year-old outcast gets her period for the first time and is mocked and further ostracized for it. centers around blood, both menstrual and otherwise. also deals with religious zealotry and child abuse)

on sun swallowing by dakota warren (confessional poetry collection; snapshots of the author's life growing up in rural australia. feral youth and girlhood, turbulent adolescence, more religious trauma, and eating disorders are mentioned)

nightbitch by rachel yoder ("weird girl" lit fic; a new mother has reason to believe that motherhood is turning her into a dog. stream-of-consciousness writing, books within books, and isolation are big themes. mention of animal abuse/death)

my sweet audrina by vc andrews (gothic horror; a seven-year-old girl has the same name as her sister, who died before she was born. her father believes that if she sits in the first audrina's rocking chair, she can gain access to audrina's thoughts, memories, and unspecified abilities. unreliable narrator, fluid passage of time [or lack thereof], and a whole bunch of weird ass untrustworthy characters. more child abuse as well as some ableist language and ideas)

if anyone has any other suggestions, FEEL FREE to reblog or leave them in the replies!!

[potatotalksculture]

Potato Tweet: Sooooo I’ve watched ESC yesterday and, as per usual, it was an evening full of surprises.

The very first surprise was that only a few performances (Poland, Cyprus and UK) we’re, in my opinion, just bad. Every other performance varied from “meh, not so bad” (Austria) through “I don’t like it but I can see other people liking it” (Croatia, Ukrain) to “that’s really good” (Portugal, Estonia) and “amazing, I wanna hear more” (Italy, Germany). (Just to name some examples.)

Another surprise came crushing in, as Israel started getting tons of jury points. The juries are always unpredictable to me. I do not understand how do they decide about their points. But Israel wasn’t the best vocal or musical performance, the directing and visuals were meh and the song in general was meh. So what did people like? The pretty girl? Probably… (I am consciously putting the political aspect of the whole Israel aside.)

The public votes were a bit less surprising except for… Germany. They were objectively not the worst performers. They did not deserve to rank last. UK and/or Poland should have taken the last place. Germany should have been, in my humble opinion, at least somewhere in the upper half of the ranking. Is it the politics barging into the heads of juries and the public? Is it “WW2. Germany bad” and “Germany in the UE too strong? Can’t let them win ESC, too”? Like, why? Lord of the Lost was far better than the worst.

The last surprise was the winner. The massive amount of public votes awarded to Finnland and their whimsical performance have brought me joy. The final win of Sweden crushed my good mood. And it’s not because I think she was bad. She wasn’t. She was good. To me, she was ok. Not my taste. What was really good about her performance was the illusion of her lifting up the top part of the scenography during her performance. The part played over and over again during the throw backs. I though her singing was good, but not as good as Portugal or Estonia. Her consciously subsided stage presence was underwhelming, cuz I’ve seen it done oh so many times. Am I being extra critical towards her? Yes. But she has won and that is a reason to look closer at her performance.

Oh! And she only has glitter on her nails, which, in my humble opinion, should be a valid reason to not win. ESC is about glitter, pyrotechnics, disconcerting artsy sets (looking at you, Serbia) - everything that makes a show.

To finish this post/tweet of, here are some honorable mentions:

Portugal for the expression, the voice and the dress.

Italy for the PR smartness in catching the attention of straight women in their postcard and then emanating vulnerable queerness in the performance. Also for the singing.

Estonia for the amazing voice that really stood out among the mediocre set and directing.

Australia for the expression, working the camera and the guitar player who looked like a lesbian from the 80s who’s playing gigs to collect money for taking care of HIV-infected gay friends.

Norway for growing on me after every throw back. Totally not my music taste, but I’d watch it again.

Czechia for representing eastern feminism.

Spain, Moldova and Albania for connecting with their cultural heritage. I’d also love to go to a grill party with this Albanian family.

[laziestgirlintown]

Having amused myself writing a short fic, let me introduce a fandom of mine that's even more obscure than Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines (at least John Finnemore knows about that!)

It's a Wild West series by Australian author Leonard Frank Meares, writing under the pseudonym Marshall Grover. He wrote over 700 novels. Short ones, sure, but yeah. *

The protagonists of ”my” Marshall Grover series were, in Australia, called Larry & Stretch: Larry Valentine and Stretch Emerson, two Texan cowboys roaming around the West, riding into a town, getting into trouble though they didn't go looking for it, ensuring a kind of justice with hard fists and hard guns, and riding on. Always having each other's backs. (Almost) always politely/awkwardly/very quickly backing away when a lady shows an interest.

In America, they were renamed Larry & Streak. But the series also became very popular in Scandinavia, published in Sweden from 1962 and read by all kids who wanted to grow up to be cowboys. Here, they were renamed Bill & Ben. My dad and uncle read them when they were kids, and then I did, and that was the start of my collecting these cheap, simple, predictable guilty-pleasure paperbacks (which, not gonna lie, totally are products of their time).

My obvious headcanon is that of-fucking-course these two vagabonds are doggone married, so I simply had to put this down in a short fic, predictably titled Two Tall Texans. If by any chance you've read the Australian editions, Bill is Larry and Ben is Stretch. **

* Yes, I have a weakness for pre-grimdark Wild West, see: Blazing Saddles, Alias Smith & Jones, The Young Riders, Doris Day(!)'s Calamity Jane, etc. Two more encouragements for the fic, besides the obvious Brokeback Mountain: Days Without End by Sebastian Barry, following a queer couple up to and through the Civil War and beyond; and Alex Clairmont-Diaz of Red, White and Royal Blue being a proud Texan. Not to get your hopes up: it's a short fic, mostly to establish that Bill/Ben=Larry/Stretch now exists.)

** I have also learned that ”Larry” is the ship name for an RPF One Direction ship. The more you know.

PS I might be writing a Blazing Saddles crossover.

[niaking]

A panel featuring four of Nia King's favorite artists: Sawyer Lovett, Joe Hatton, Vo Vo, and Cristy C. Road. Zines played a crucial role in reducing social isolation for many of us, whether we were one of the only punks of color in our scene (Nia in Boston, Joe in the Dakotas, and Vo in Sydney, Australia), or the only gay in our rural Virginia town (Sawyer). Cristy C. Road discusses growing up in Miami's predominantly Black and brown punk scene and using zines to process heartbreak and trauma.

Listen here. Read here. Donate here.

More zinesters you should know below:

Mimi Thi Nguyen, Jackie Wang, Lauren Jade Martin, Suzy X, Osa Atoe, Adee Roberson, Lawrence Lindell, Breena Nuñez, Ajuan Mance, the Queer Zine Archive Project, Jenna Freedman/the Barnard Zine Library, and many, many more. 

[buckevantommy]

Red, White & Royal Blue: comprehensive watchnotes + review

i want to start by saying we need more queer rep across all genres, especially romcoms because they're lighthearted and fun and depict (queer) relationships in a positive way and the world (especially america) is in dire need of that right now.

as someone who hasn't read the book, i've been enjoying the general hype for this movie. i'd love to know how much the movie differs from the book but for now i'm just going to judge the movie based on its own merits.

in this post i will share my thoughts for key moments (edit: actually it's a bit of a play-by-play and gets a little long, sorry!) as the narrative unfolds and progresses, and then end by highlighting the main hits and misses of the production.

runtime: 1 hr 58 mins

amazon prime content rating: mature 13+ (australia) [link]

plot score out of 6: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

production score out of 6: ⭐⭐⭐⭐   

overall score out of 6: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  

is it worth watching? yes. is it worth rewatching? yes.

note: please read all the way through my watchnotes; my opinion changes as the movie progresses. these are first-impressions so i'm at the whim of the narrative as it plays out and my closing thoughts differ from my opening thoughts.

here we go! screencaps + thoughts below the cut.. 

we start with a reporter voiceover; it's a nice easy way to set the scene and introduce us to each character, i really like this simple but effective storytelling technique.

full disclosure: i didn't love the scene in the car; it's the first time we hear alex speak and see him up close and it reads as a little too camp for the vibe that's been set so far.

i'm surprised the lighting/filters/editing is so muted; i expected more vibrance and richness of colour to the royal setting, it all feels a bit flat.

the line greeting is a fun little scene: we get a decent intro into alex's personality and learn that he and henry aren't strangers but don't like each other - a classic trope, a fun take on enemies to lovers.

we get a peek into henry's character too: his viewpoint on royal weddings being ostentatious - soon to be echoed by alex - reflects very real concerns in present-day uk, the wasteful and luxurious lifestyles of royals while their people struggle to put food on the table.

the cake scene could've been more fun but it seems to kick off a more upbeat narrative; bad reputation is the perfect song choice and the overlay of newspaper headlines and social media snapshots in the intro credits relates well to the modern era; i'm curious whether social media posts were a significant plot-driver in the book.

president uma therman?! with a southern accent?! what a treat.

zahra and alex's dynamic is fun; shahi is perfect in this role.

as alex is sent back to the uk we're now moving away from the almost stuffy introduction scenes with more lively characters and better pacing.

the frenemies setup between alex and henry is great: we start off with them being at odds and will likely see them slowly but surely get to know and like each other (probably with a few bumps along the way). it's like watching a fanfic come to life bc these tropes and characterisations are the bread and butter of fic (and honestly media with hetero pairings don't know how to use them properly). i'm excited to watch their dynamic shift and their relationship grow. 

the photo op handshake scene, the push-pull of it all, henry calling alex 'sweetheart' in jest: the snark between them is so much fun. and this kind of faux affectionate namecalling is actually quite common in hetero romcoms and i enjoy seeing moments like these bridge the gap between hetero and queer pairings; i think if people paid more attention to the common ground of characterisation and character development we would see less worry about showcasing queer relationships, or at least see less plots that focus too much on being queer instead of focusing more on fun plot.  

the underhanded swipes and passive aggressive smiles during the interview should've been more fun than they were; i enjoyed the scene but i'm having trouble attuning to the score music - it sounds like it should be backing a fast-paced kitchen scene, it just doesn't match the vibe of what the story and the actors are trying to do and it feels like stock music (which is what you get in made-for-tv and hallmark movies, bland and interchangeable, without identity).

the children's hospital scene starts out kinda cute then jumps into a minor tense situation quite suddenly without much breathing room; they're shoved into a closet (ha) and proceed to have a heart2heart and clear the air; alex brings a little levity to the moment with his pouting, henry's eloquence is a bit stilted in the dialogue but it's helping to highlight the difference in their education/upbringing; the vulnerability they both exhibit with each other for the first time signifies a turning point in their relationship from squabbling to allies perhaps.

their parting scene (for now) hints at what's to come: a NYE party in the usa. henry gets a little flustered as he shakes alex's hand (the second show of possible attraction after the closet scene; i know nothing of their sexuality at this stage but i'm going to guess henry knows he's gay) - it's a little hard to see, and feels letdown by lack of a closeup shot (the cinematography in this movie isn't great; we should be getting lots of close-ups to get a better sense of their mindsets and to capture the emotional nuances between them; some movies do well without close-ups but this one definitely needs more of them).

we're 20mins in and I'm going to make a guess based on pacing so far: we'll see them hookup soon, then move from friends to love, or friends with benefits to love. personally i prefer stretching out the will-they-won't-they a bit, but this is a movie and a romcom not a 100k fic or a several seasons-long tv show. i'm excited to see their dynamic shift and their relationship develop no matter which route they take, and i'm pleased with the plot so far; i can see so many of these scenes on the pages of a book and being excited to see them brought to life on the big screen, i just hope fans of the book aren't disappointed by the movie. i'm looking forward to delving into their backstories a little more.

miguel is definitely flirting with alex and even hints they have a history which makes alex a little nervous; when it comes to sexuality this makes me think alex has at least experimented with guys even if he hasn't accepted that he's queer - but i don't know what his deal is yet and i appreciate the narrative leaving things open for now bc too many movies and tv shows hit their audience over the head with the (specific) queerness of their characters and reveal it too soon so there's no room to wonder or anticipate.

it's montage time: the use of a text-chain is relevant and fun (graphics) as we follow their correspondence inc. commentary on each others lives as viewed by the public. their (flirty) banter is so cute. i'm not a fan of them voicing their texts as it's mixed with voiceovers and feels a bit busy, but it is engaging; the scene melds are a little confusing at first but i appreciate the visual storytelling meant to bridge the distance between them by putting them in the same room - it's clever and feels fresh in an otherwise stale directional effort, and it means we get more scenes of our boys together despite physically being worlds apart.

it's partytime: no matter what side characters surround them, alex and henry steal every scene, as they should since we haven't established any side pairing or even friendship yet (this could be good or bad depending on how the plot progresses, but i prefer the focus to be on our boys so no complaints here). get low being the song of alex's childhood is hilarious especially as henry points out the explicit lyrics; the visual slow-mo of the crowd getting low leaving henry and alex to stare at each other is a great direction and editing choice! it's little moments like these peppered throughout a good romcom that make it memorable and worthwhile because it's not just going through the motions it's inviting you to enjoy every scene, and i'm so happy to see that in a mlm love story.

here comes the first kiss: i wasn't expecting it in this moment, i thought henry was going to storm off but this works too - unfortunately both covered angles of the kiss are obscured and once again i'm grabbing a megaphone to yell 'we need a closeup!' at the director. it's pretty disappointing to not get a better view and see their facial journeys but at least i know we'll be getting many more kisses - which is maybe why this one wasn't given Thee Big Kiss screen moment, i just hope the camera catches the next ones better.

30mins in and we're over with act 1: their dynamic has shifted.

with henry giving alex radio silence after their impromptu kiss at nye, alex confides in his friend nora - it's the first time we've seen them together in a conversation since the limo at the start and the first time we see them actually talk at length and get a sense of their dynamic and nora's personality; i like her, i want to see more of her and more of their friendship. i'd like to see more from the various supporting characters and i trust the plot can do that without taking focus off our boys, the question is: will it?

we also get more explicit talk, specifically reference to the dom/sub undertones of their kiss, and nora saying alex wants henry to 'dick him down' - outstanding; the same level of sexual chatter is seen often with hetero pairings but with queer pairings you seem to get either g-rated fluff or x-rated drama (that usually ends with them dying or breaking up). i wasn't expecting this kind of language and i'm so pleasantly surprised that they went there.

we get more info on alex's sexuality: he's cool with being 'low-level into guys' but is confounded by his apparent attraction to henry, and when nora enquires about how many male partners he's had the scene is conveniently interrupted - classic - but we get our answer: he's been with 2 guys including miguel. alex knows he's queer but is still hesitant about being with more guys and specifically what to do about henry. 

things start happening: another kiss at a fancy party, another member of their inner circle finding out, sexual banter, their first time together (bj) - a cut-scene, as is appropriate and expected. alex tells henry he's bisexual - it seems like this is the first time he's saying it out loud, perhaps even settling on the term in the moment, and while it might be nice to get a little more insight i'm glad they don't dwell on it - so many queer love stories fixate on the label thing and provide you with a sort of queer identity origin story, and while that's fine for a coming-of-age flik or something with less plot or more angst it's simply not necessary for every queer love story; every flavour of queer rep is yummy but it's a good thing to see media moving away from characters having to explain themselves instead of just being.

henry reciprocates by saying he's gay. it's nicely done, poignant but not stealing focus from the various other plot pieces at play; it's rare to see a coming out that doesn't get heavy so kudos to the writers and the boys here.

we get another insight into their private lives: alex wears the key to his austin home around his neck - texas ie. the state up for grabs in the president's reelection, which may recieve help from alex's proposal (this has been a recurring mention and i look forward to seeing what unfolds); henry has never owned a key which is so telling of a controlled life where he doesn't really own anything.

the bittersweet note of henry regrettably marking their dalliance as 'casual'; you can see they both want more but alex was not expecting nora's words of the closeted prince to thwart this thing between them; they both agree to friends with benefits but ofc they're falling for each other. the little addition of henry nervously fiddling with his ring is a nice character detail.

i like that whenever they make plans to see each other again the plot doesn't dither with B-plots - i don't think we've had a single scene where one or both of them weren't present and they've always been centre-stage. plans for another date are followed immediately by that date: the scene switches between a fast-paced polo match and a rendezvous in an equipment shed. we're getting as many stolen moments - sexy or sweet - as the runtime can fit and again that's so remeniscent of fanfic.

paris: 'prince henry belongs to britain. henry fox has to belong to himself or else he'll vanish' this tugs at my heartstrings and the light angst of it paired with denying alex the chance to comfort him in semi-public is the kind of understated writing that makes an angsty emotional impact without being loud about it.

there hasn't been many good cinematography shots but the europe settings are giving the directors (or b-roll archives?) something pretty to insert with parisian cafes and palace gardens.

henry @ alex: don't fall in love with me, we can't be together but we can have fun. also henry @ alex: 'we should make love tonight, here in paris'. the discussion of who will be doing what is handled with nuance instead of stuffed dialogue; you can do it either way depending on the story but they found the best way to touch on the topic without overdoing it. learning alex has never fully been with a guy is another moment of vulnerability and it should be said they both play these moments well, but even in intimate moments like this we see them being themselves in some measure of levity, reminding each other that they were friends first and remain friends still, that they can be themselves, that there's care and familiarity between them, they're safe. the direction improves during this sequence with close-ups of bare skin - but that intimacy is undercut by switching to mid-shots; the softness of the scene is handled well enough but the lingering mid-shots would be better as short close-ups.

one visual reminds me of that Kill Your Darlings sex scene: 

the sex scene is oddly slow, like the boys are moving in slow-motion, and the movements are a little awkward - an easy fix for this would've been to reduce the lighting in the room; it's very bright so we lose those intimate shadows and the mystery that goes with them.

the golden lit opulence is something that's been done before with gay sex scenes, notably Interview With The Vampire (2022) and True Blood. below you can see the similarities in composition and setting, and how rwrb could've used more shadow and less light for contrast to help heighten the intimacy (they could've still kept it bright if they took inspiration from the Cruel Intentions sex scene): 

as they lay together in the afterglow the wide camera angle catches two condom wrappers on the floor by the bed - a small but mighty detail in both depicting safe sex and stating in no uncertain terms that these two guys had penetrative intercourse.

it's inferred that henry doesn't want to be a royal, doesn't want to live in the spotlight. on the flipside alex loves the opportunity to help people and to be a role model for people like him to look up to.

unfortunately there's a lot of dead air in their d+m pillowtalk scene and it's not the first time this has happened; it comes down to 1 of 4 things: direction, editing, music, acting. the boys play the scene well but their emotion and vulnerability is lost in the wide angle shots - moments like this highlight how poor the direction is, but even bad direction can be helped along by editing and music, but in this scene (and many more) that's simply not what happened; the easiest post-production fix would be to add a musical score to drown out the too-long silence that just reads as awkward; adding some rainsounds and distant thunder would've also worked. but even without a soundtrack this scene could've been improved during filming: it's begging for close-ups and better contrast lighting (everything is still too bright, it looks overly lit like a soundstage not a hotel room).

we end on a hopeful but very dark scene of alex flying home: shots like this need color or light; if i saw this scene out of context i wouldn't guess it was from a happy moment in a romcom (alex's black-gray wardrobe also does nothing to highlight the hope and love he's feeling).

we're just about at the 1hr mark: i want to take a moment to highlight some important plot points about the boys' separate storylines which i'm loving not just for the depth it adds to their characters but for the important subject matter in the present-day: alex's family history, background and ethnicity and what it means both to him and to his country, as well as his passion for wanting to be more involved in politics in order to help people is uplifting. we haven't seen henry's passion explained just yet but the childrens hospital visits and condemning exorbitant royal spending show that he has a heart, conscience and sense. 

we're finally getting some politico plot: president uma, the sneaky flirty journalist miguel, alex's plan to help turn texan voters - yes this is a romcom but i've been hoping they would delve into political matters on both sides of the pond and now here we are; it doesn't come out of nowhere, these narrative threads have been woven in from the start, but it's taken an hour for us to get a dedicted scene (the partial scenes with miguel were overshadowed by his flirting and imho skeevy vibes so i'm glad we're getting other characters in on this plotline).

rather than draw out the drama of mother vs son the plot chooses to skip over the filler and go right to a resolution via mom believing in her son; alex is off to texas to implement his campaign strategy. adventures surely await.

1hr mark: we're halfway done and onto act 2 (3? we're in a new act).

points for the cinematography: the landscape shots are striking and gorgeous and they ground the visuals in a way that the fake snow (nye party), greenscreen DC skyline (white house balcony), and greenscreen paris skyline (through a hotel window) simply didn't. real locations, even pretty b-roll, have been lacking. the campaign office feels real not staged - it may seem like a small thing but it's actually crucial to aid believability, which is also helped along by a backing score and voiceovers from the boys reading their emails to each other (it's almost too busy but they forgo the graphic overlays so it works).

montage time: campaign office and real locations backed by a somewhat rousing musical score and email voiceovers - which seem to overlap towards the end but something is off with the sound layers because one is almost too soft to hear while the other one stays loud. we get a bunch more locations and scenes outside with real sky and sunshine which helps the believability; all the scenes in the white house feel fake so real locations are a win at every turn.

i don't like miguel. his first interaction with alex was kinda fun and intriguing but the more scenes he's in the more i wish screentime was being made for other characters; i don't know if it's the character or the actor or both but i'm just not digging his vibe. if he turns out to be a dbag then it works, but if the plot intends to turn him into a friend i hope his vibe is tweaked moving forward.

alex storms off and henry is suddenly there - the movie has so many shots that linger too long and feature dead air, but it also has a lot of these scenes that aren't given room to breathe; alex should've run into henry in an outer room instead of a prince walking into a crowded bar and claiming 'skullduggery' - it's poor planning and poor direction, but if it was like this in the book it definitely should've been altered slightly for believability, even if only to move them away from the main entrance and many prying eyes. alex basically whisper-shouts that he needs to get henry in his room 'right now' and whether it's sexually loaded or meant to conceal him it fails to be covert on both accounts.

another cut-off sex scene and more post-coital chatting; alex asks henry a bunch of personal things and we learn henry isn't allowed to vote - which relates to alex's campaigning and the fact he (somehow) got 1million voters to register (in an undetermined timeframe). their not-so-casual affair has reached the point of more people finding out: miguel obviously suspects, and now zahra finds herself in the know. we get a butt! and a frantic search by zahra for the 'rando girl'; fun subtext when she finds henry in the closet. there's mention of a percy and i have no idea who that is, and henry confesses he told his sister about them which gets an 'aww' from alex - which is at odds with the whole 'just casual' thing they agreed on earlier; ofc they're both developing feelings but to say them out loud (like in the emails as well) undercuts that nice little angsty moment of when the whole lust-not-love agreement was made after their first time together; did it play out this way in the book? bc right now their relationship reads like a secret romance instead of a secret fling which is fine but it contradicts what they said; pick a relationship and stick with it instead of saying one thing and doing the opposite.

oof, okay: while i love zahra's stresshead freakout i take issue with comments about who tops and bottoms - it's fine to discuss between the boys and anyone else who knows the specifics (maybe nora?) but to have a character with no proof state that she knows (by belittling alex, mind you) is not cool, not cool zahra. alex is quick to say he won't stop seeing henry and again it's playing like a romance not a fling - the least they could do here is focus on henry's reaction but we're not given the chance as the camera follows zahra as she leaves. kudos for zahra giving us 'little lord fuckleroy' and her witty rant but the scene misses several opportunities for close-ups once again.

the next scene takes place in the oval office: it feels like a scene or two are missing; alex comes out to his mom and ellen (literally just realised her name was ellen thanks to the subtitles; i thought the ellen on the posters in texas were for her representative since there were no visuals of her. she's not the only supporting character whose name i don't know) supporting alex. the couch cuddle is an awkward angle and looks more like a cougar cradling her boytoy but points for the president mentioning various queer identities as well as specific safe gay sex practice - has this ever been done? this feels groundbreaking.

it's getaway time: alex's dad, nora, henry, and henry's friend (who we met at nye and whose name i can't rememeber) make up the group. the roadtrip visuals are sad - the wideshot of the desert is drab and looks like greenscreen, there's no sunshine and no fun roadtrip vibes, then we get a road-level driving view of a dusty road with no car in sight (stock footage?) - it's mismatched especially with the greenery surrounding the modern minimalist house they arrive at. alex's email voiceovers are starting to annoy me: his tone is that of a highschool drama student or disney channel energy - it sounds fake. oh, percy is henry's friend from nye.

this is the first i'm hearing of ellen having published a book: fiction or non-fiction? autobiography? this is relevent since henry voiced wanting to be a writer so they may find some common ground when they get to know each other.

another montage: their first day inc. henry showing off his ball skills to alex's dad and them all playing volleyball - it's a pity the weather is drab because sunshine would help lift these scenes particularly bc the production crews haven't bothered adding any filters. we were robbed of alex talking henry through the family photos on display as he leans down to look and the scene cuts away - i wish we were give more of these moments. the club pop isn't what i would've chosen for the montage sequence; there's a difference between eclectic and giving a movie its own musical identity - rwrb doesn't have one, it's a bit of a mess. it is nice to see the boys sharing a hammock in their shorts with hairy legs on display - body hair is not common in young queer media.

the bar sequence has a few odd moments: their entrance vibes make them all look like vamps on the prowl and henry is the new baby vamp; alex's comment about henry being excited for karaoke has no reference point in the narrative so far - all we know is he named his dog after david bowie and now he proceeds to sing queen - and he can sing! and does alex catch a faux kiss from henry on stage? the audio fade as alex gets all mooney-eyed could do with more switches to henry, maybe with their eyes locking - there's just so many scenes that beg for better direction and editing. we get a bit of decent set dressing, blocking, lighting and symbolism - like the shot of henry singing onstage between an american flag and bull skull in blue [re:gay] lighting with shirt to match; bisexual lighting could also be argued with the pink-purple hue or it could be ascribed to love.

i like alex and his father's dynamic, i wish we'd seen more of them together before now. 'patron saint of gender-neutral bathrooms in austin' is another win for positive queer rep especially in america's political climate right now. i'm confused over his father's advice relating to his own relationship: alex hasn't told him about henry or his bisexuality yet(?) so the purpose of 'your mom and i were a stupid idea too' is unclear.

the shots of the wooden platform on the lake: reminds me of the queer coming of age movie jongens. i wonder if it's a nod:

the shot of henry escaping alex's love confession and finding solace in the lakewater is another rare, well done cinematography moment.

alex truly is smitten and it's adorable. henry is more reserved in his affections. we've seen a lot of alex's life and family and heard about his backstory and ambitions, meanwhile henry's side is all but unexplored: 'i can take you around to all the places i grew up and you can get to understand my life a little more' - two points here: 1) i think we've seen enough of alex's life and journey; i hope the narrative shifts to the uk for a bit so we can see henry's side of things but i get the feeling we're going to be focused on alex's journey and i'm worried bc atm the narrative feels unbalanced. 2) it's painfully clear that alex sees them as a couple and i think that's about to blow up in his face bc henry isn't ready for that (as he already stated).

henry cuts alex's love confession short and we finally get a moving backing score (even though it was a little late in the scene). i do love how the story has progressed: henry instigated things at nye, then told alex not to fall in love with him, and now alex is in love with henry and thinking henry loves him too. the next few scene progressions are odd bc we get henry sad alone in bed wallowing presumably about not being able to have a public relationship, then he's sneaking off with his bags in the night - alex's shirtless state suggests they were together one last time but that feels a little underhanded for alex's sake.

we're about 2/3 of the way through at 117mins: alex's personal story had a nice arc to it and now with the boys' separation we move onto henry's personal arc which will likely carry us through to the end of the movie or at least keep focus for a decent while.

we follow henry on the plane and to his home: he's trying to swallow down his pain and move on but still obviously pining for alex. i'm keen to see his side of things and his relationship with his family and royal duties. the soft bittersweet alt-folk lovesong playing in the background is a good choice for mood and lyrics and the plane is better lit than the earlier shot of alex - we even get a pretty sunset through the window; the two scenes stand in opposite: alex was in love but in the dark, and here henry is bathed in the light of riches and a setting sun and is miserable - if that was intentional then kudos bc i love visual meta, but it doesn't immediately read that way and alex's scene still deserves more lighting and colour.

more real locations and natural light: english gardens and sunshine as henry strolls and confides in his sister. alex is fun, but he's a very different vibe to henry and i prefer henry's emotional expression more. i'm glad we're finally getting henry's side, starting with not wanting to break alex's heart, not wanting the king to find out, and resenting the presence of royalty and doubting their need in the 21st century - again relating well to the times, and bringing things back to how alex has inspired him: henry doesn't believe the work royals do has meaningful impact on peoples' lives, whereas alex is out there making a real difference.

the bittersweet lovesong from before resumes over footage of henry playing the piano: missed opportunity to have henry's playing set the melancholy tone over the montage of royal meetings and tea while reading an online article about alex's bright future in politics.

we see nora comforting alex but not percy comforting henry despite mention of him; we didn't even get anything from percy during the getaway and i'm annoyed bc he's almost a non-character, a wasted supporting role.

alex flies to henry: instead of being a grand romantic gesture it's undercut by angst which is a nice change of mood - the storm outside and a rain-drenched alex are perfect.

the palace setting is opulent and looks real even if it isn't, so well done on the location scouts or set designers. the lighting is also really good here. the angsty emotional confrontation is well-scripted but again we lose so much visual impact as the camera just loiters on alex in a mid-shot instead of giving us close-ups of his face and switching over to henry's reception and back to alex. 'my life is the crown and yours is politics and i will not trade one prison for another' - this sounds like a book quote, i love it; we learn that not only does he not want to be a royal but he doesn't want to be with alex bc of the spotlight that he lives in. henry tells alex he doesn't know the real him - fitting for a narrative that has heavily favoured alex's story up til now, the audience doesn't really know henry either; we've seen glimpses but nothing substantial. this scene is a confession, confrontation, venting, resigned acceptance, and fight for love - once again a segment lifted right out of fanfic; it's a little cringey but it's heartfelt, delivered well, and for once the setting feels real - the colors are rich, the lighting contrast is spot-on, and there's a gentle hopeful musical score in the background. this is the sort of love confession scene usually reserved for near the end of movies but we have over 30mins left - i hope they fill that time with alex in henry's world.

sometimes a closeted prince sneaks off to a museum in the dead of night to take in all the naked male statues - am i the only one seeing this and trying not to laugh? it's supposed to be sombre and beautiful but they put two queer characters circling naked male statues and i can only take so much! also: does henry just have a key to the museum? they slowdance to a modern version of can't help falling in love with you - it should be melancholy and romantic but again the lighting fails the narrative, it's too well lit and lacks contrast. henry asks for patience and makes a promise to be brave - this feels like a goodbye (for now).

on the tarmac there's a trading of personal affects: we don't know what henry's ring means (maybe we'll learn?) but it's basically a promise ring in this moment and we've seen it be something of a comfort to his nerves, and we know alex's key is his home - which is where the heart is. 

1hr 30mins: we're onto the final act.

the fade to black after the boys part ways is a very odd choice considering it doesn't happen at any other point in the movie; fades are usually reserved for final scenes so it's a weird fit as we have almost 30mins left.

henry wakes to a scandal: their emails have been hacked and shared with the media, photos of their museum haunt have leaked too but are not shown. who is to blame? a montage of news segments referencing their relationship inc. an interview with miguel which insinuates his involvement - confirming suspicions of him being a dbag.

alex's press conference becomes voiceover to henry facing the music while a gentle piano music track plays - scenes like this out of context could fool viewers into thinking the production quality is better than it is. his speech is overlain with unseen moments of their romance and ends on a hopeful note despite the interspersed scenes of henry looking miserable; this is noteworthy bc while alex is allowed to speak his truth at a press conference henry is shown with people at a table speaking for him and his brother berating him, he has no chance to speak for himself, no freedom.

zahra is supportive but still a comically semi-dramatic stresshead; she's a gem that we haven't seen enough of - and is apparently in a sexual relationship with henry's not-butler; she helps put alex in contact with henry calling them 'lovesick homosexuals' (affectionate). at last we get henry playing the piano and it seems to match the score recently played, but i have a new theory of why his music wasn't used as the backing track: bc not doing so plays into his story of living a controlled life not being allowed any expression of self beit in word or song. alex calls henry 'baby' for the first time on the phone and i wish we'd gotten it sooner.

alex flies to henry to comfort him, support him: the stairwell hug is a little awkward but sweet and one of few good direction choices. henry plays piano for alex, expressing himself freely in his own home - they even play a few notes together of my country tis of thee, expressing their love freely.

king stephen fry as i live and breathe! they cast an iconic, out and proud gay man to play the king and he plays the role so well. in fact this entire scene is so well done not just in how the plot plays out but in the direction: the room is opulent and real and suits wide-shots but we also get close-ups, and switches between the various characters in ways we haven't seen for the majority of the movie; perhaps such a turnaround is a visual choice: to see people individually and up close as henry is freed - but it's a flimsy excuse for the otherwise poor direction we've been subject to. 

henry watches as alex fiddles nervously with henry's ring he now wears; it's a reminder of their shared promise and how close they are to being together no matter what happens. 

crowds gather in the streets: queer identities have gained a lot of ground on equality in the past few decades but they still experience backlash and hate both in the uk and america. to see thousands of people turn out in support of their queer prince, rainbow flags flying, as the king himself tries to bumble through the indefensible claim that only traditional values will be welcome by the people.. what a sight to behold. 'starting today the world will know me for who i am, not who you want me to be'.

back to usa: texas is the turning state that ends up winning ellen reelection. in her victory speech she talks of representing everyone from 'auto workers to transgender students', another win for queer rep. the entire election sequence is directed well and edited well - with inserts of news footage and ellen's voiceover with nothing getting muddied; production is stepping up their game for the home stretch.

alex and henry visit alex's austin home using the key henry now wears; the camera shot of the street is striking and more proof that the crew can give us decent visuals when they try. 'we won' is the shared sentiment as they enter the house - tbh i'm not clear on why: do they plan to live there? is it a matter of sharing more of alex's roots, or the simple symbolism of home is where the heart is? the key ties it together but the meaning is lost, it feels like an odd place to end. the shooting star above the house is cliche but perhaps it has a simple meaning too: wishes do come true. 

the end!

that's it for my watchnotes. below i'm going to talk a bit about plot and production highlights and drawbacks.

the trailer: i didn't watch the trailer before i watched the movie and i think doing so would've heightnened my expectations. it's really well made, sets the mood for a heartfelt romcom, and the song choice of lil nas x is perfect and the whole thing feels like a high quality fanvid - which honestly is what i want in queer trailers because it means the focus and tone is where we want it. but it does spoil a few key moments that i wish were omitted, so i'm glad they weren't ruined for me.

overall plot impressions: i've mentioned a few times that rwrb plays like a fanfic and i stand by that. i think most viewers will see the plot progression and know it's a book adaptation - it has a flow and a busyness that almost doesn't work but they handled the pacing really well. i enjoyed the story! the romance and cute humour balanced well and all the plot points were resolved. i particularly liked that the book didn't make alex a bitter politico baby but instead excited to use his platform to help people - and we see that wish reflected in henry's bitterness and misery over his royal standing bc he also wants to help people. their characterisations and relationship was engaging enough to want to know what happens next, and production failings aside, taking a step back from my messy scene-by scene commentary i think it's a story worth watching. it's not perfect (again, production issues) but it's worthwhile.

things i would change: i mention in my watchnotes that i like the focus being on the boys and not giving us filler scenes with other characters, but as the story progresses it feels like it's missing the inclusion of other characters to help round out the narrative; scenes like talking with friends and family - and not just about their relationship or sexuality but about their lives - i want to see more of the side characters bc they have potential for supportive and tangential plot and could've enriched the story a little more. 

we get barely a taste of other interpersonal relationships with alex helping with the presidential campaign, but next to nothing on henry's side; i was expecting a conversation with someone about the royals' role in modern society instead of just venting to his sister - it feels like a missed opportunity. i also would've liked to see more of henry's life. i'm glad the narrative shifted to give us his side towards the end but i would've liked to see more of his journey.

there's so many elements of henry's story we could've known more about: the hospital visit was so sweet and he usually goes without cameras so it's a personal investment - might he be interested in doing more nonprofit work? we know he can sing, play piano, loves Byron, and wants to be a writer - he's a creative boy, explore that! and what about his relationship with his mother, and when his father was alive? the plot could've switched between the boys during their correspondance showing henry's royal duties and mindset and given more insight into his character instead of focusing solely on alex. alex's story is nicely fleshed out but henry remains something of a mystery and it leaves the story feeling lopsided - time may be the issue so again, perhaps a mini series would've been better, but if it was a choice to keep henry's side unexplored compared to alex's i get it but i wanted more of him. 

i mentioned my confusion over alex's key and henry's ring. i would've liked them to be touched on a little more: is henry's ring of royal lineage significance or from his father? I think his brother was wearing the same one on his finger. on that note, i would've liked to learn more about henry's father: he was an actor, so why not tell us something about his films, have henry or alex rewatching one of his films together over the phone or at least show us a family photo.

for a minute i wished we'd gotten more international relations but that doesn't really suit for adolescent princes; if it was a king and a president or heir prince and president/senator it would've called for that. the political stuff we got was a nice enough amount and I'm glad it was part of the plot. 

more overlay graphics and social media inserts would've been fun - relatable for the modern era. i'm guessing they weren't prevalent in the book otherwise we might have gotten more, or it could've been a budget thing. they weren't necessary for the plot but the styling reminded you this movie is a romcom. 

the main characters: alex and henry are likeable in their respective senses, but it's interesting to note that while alex occupies the majority of screentime and plot, henry [nicholas] is the one who steals every scene; he's mysterious [re:reserved] and vulnerable leaving the viewer wanting to know more about him. alex is fun and charming and vibrant and he brings henry to life, while henry shines in the more tender intimate moments. the development of their relationship works for pacing and there's enough time spent together that the viewer can witness them falling in love.

from a technical standpoint: the movie is lacking. my main issue is with the direction: the lack of close-up shots makes it seem like they didn't have the equipment - but this is fucking amazon! they can afford it! so either they didn't want to spend the money on a queer romcom - which is insane considering the times we live in and how queer rep in media is gaining traction and speed - or the director was so unskilled that they didn't think to utilise close-ups. sadly, the direction is lazy and uninspired for much of the movie with far too many mid-shots when the scenes call for close-ups; it also needs more switching between characters to capture reactions rather than just focus on one person while they monolgue (this could also be a script issue). 

note: when i was skimming through a second time for screencaps i didn't have any issue with the direction; from faraway or if you're not really paying attention the direction and soundtrack are fine. it's when you're hanging on every scene that you feel letdown by the repeated missteps. 

the script was a little clunky. there's a lot of monolgues - fine for a book but they come off a little cliche on-screen and often feel like a stage production. but these instances were made worse by the poor direction and editing teams. however the boys' banter and conversations are always good. 

the overlay of graphics, the scene meldings where they're in the same room, and inset scene segments, are all visually appealing - but aren't consistent throughout the movie. i was expecting more social media and correspondance visuals but they get replaced by voiceovers and montages which don't have as much impact (although the execution of this style is done well). 

the lighting needs work: most of the night scenes feel overlit and fake, lacking shadows for intimacy and just feel all around uncaring and drab. i swear some scenes look like they didn't see the editing room - lots of dead air, which can also be attributed to a directing issue ie. not getting enough shots. high budget romcoms are brighter and have more contrast, use better lighting and filters - and sometimes are too bright and feel too fake - but the overlighting and lack of richness in rwrb leaves it feeling drab; the plot and characters are begging for more colour, more contrast! giving the story what it needs wouldn't have adversely altered the vibe, it would have elevated it to what it deserved to be.

there was a problem with the soundtrack: the score was messy when present, but absent more than present. sometimes the score was too fast or too slow and had no discernible vibe - honestly it sounds like stock music, and while i do understand that romcoms don't need a signature sound they do deserve their musical needs met. there was a lack of musical score in many scenes which resulted in dead air between dialogue; it feels like the music track is missing, and without that atmospheric element the characters are left hanging and the vibe is awkward and unfinished. and the chosen licensed songs are fine on their own but when you cobble them together you get a lack of cohesion, no unified vibe or atmospheres that compliment one another, it feels mismatched rather than eclectic.

when these seemingly small issues pile up and are recurring it affects the quality of the movie and can lower the overall reception; people can tell that it wasn't given the care or money it deserved and then they start to ask why - and you better hope you have a good answer.

the runtime is considerably long: 2hrs is long for a romcom. it makes sense given that it's a streamer debut and not in theatres, and they make good use of the time in progressing the plot and letting love bloom, but while the focus on the boys and their relationship is what audiences are tuning in for there could've been more room for the supporting characters. you don't need side characters to make a good romcom but when the production quality is lacking like it is for rwrb side characters can help add dimension and believability - it's the actors that make up for the failings of production.

i think they could've done a 3-part mini series instead: flesh out their personal arcs more - especially henry - and give the side characters more screentime - nora, percy, henry's sister, zahra, the not-butler, alex's parents; the plot calls for more of them but they're not given the chance which results in the boys feeling somewhat isolated no matter how supportive their family and friends are.

content rating: american content ratings are strange because it skips from pg-13 to 17yo with a guardian? but here in australia rwrb is rated m13+ on the amazon prime app. teens and young adults are the target audience and going by the language used and lack of nudity it makes sense it wasn't given a more mature rating because the content doesn't call for it. basically there's nothing to be censored - which is good in a way, bc it proves you can depict a queer romance with sex without it coming off like a porno. hopefully rwrb will motivate more queer productions and invite audiences to read the book and to seek out more queer fiction.

as for the actors: it's nice to see some fresh faces - i didn't recognise anyone except uma and fry. the diverse casting is also a win with most of the side characters being poc, and a biracial poc in the queer main pairing is a double win.

alex aka. taylor, is the charmer, the enigmatic one of the pair and real easy on the eyes. at times it felt like he was falling back on his good looks, and other times his line delivery was almost farcical and reads as over the top or awkward - but this is something that should've been mitigated by better directing, better editing; it takes a village, as they say. but taylor also gives more than he gets from everyone around him - with the exceptions of henry and nora - which is a shame. i can't help but think taylor would've been better suited to a brighter more energetic vibe for rwrb - the production around him falls flat including most of the side characters (with a few exceptions) who did nothing to brighten the atmosphere let alone elevate it to a standard that shows how much love and care should've gone into creating rwrb.

henry aka. nicholas, may play the more reserved character but he doesn't shy away from taking us on an emotional journey. he has greater emotional range and knows how to use his face and body to convey those emotions whether they be small and private or an outburst of passion. imho nicholas was the shining star of this movie despite getting less screentime; he brought his a-game to almost every scene and i'm sad this was a romcom not a dramedy or drama bc from what he shows us he would do wonders in genres with more angst.

other characters: hilson was great - we didn't get anywhere near enough of her and her friendship with alex; i would've loved to see her own character fleshed out a little if rwrb were a mini series, and i was actually hoping for a friendship or fling/romance between her and henry's sister. shahi's character was a well-placed addition and she tried so hard to nail the comedic timing and tone despite letdowns from the director - and again, we didn't get enough of her. uma was perfect casting in a power postion but she was a little stiff in the motherly role, namely the physical aspects - maybe she's like that in the book but for on-screen it was a little awkward. as for the other side characters we barely saw - percy, shauun, alex's bodyguard and henry's redheaded sister whose roles were so minimal i don't even remember their name - they all held potential for relationships with our boys and their own storylines and are another vote in favor of rwrb being better suited to a mini series.

overall closing thoughts: this one is a winner. is it a masterpiece? no. the biggest letdown is the production quality, but the story and leading men perservere well enough and deliver a decent, fun queer romcom. it plays out like a book in the sense that the narrative is layered and the plot is full, which makes it different to the average romcom which barely has plot let alone good plot. rwrb might not seem like groundbreaking content but a feature-length queer-focused romcom is, even in 2023 - you'd think we'd have more by now but maybe this is the start, maybe rwrb will prove to producers and streamers that the viewership is here and hungry for more. i know there are always issues with adapting books for the screen but with so many quality queer books out there we might be in for an era of queer reads making it onto the big screen and i for one am here for that, across all genres.