#grieving two pretty significant relationships

[transmutationisms]

(restrains myself from making this a leading question) what did you think of ellen's relationship with her father?

alright so first of all just to be clear about my like, immediate response to this film. at the very beginning, when there's that scene of ellen in the garden and she's being raped by nosferatu, but at first it's a physically pleasurable moment and then it cuts to orlok and she's horrified -- my immediate association there visually was to the scene in the twin peaks movie where laura being raped by bob/leland is filmed and edited in what i remember being very similar ways.

i don't really think eggers was probably drawing from that lol nor do i care, but i do actually think it's an illustrative comparison because these scenes are accomplishing a few similar things. for laura, seeing bob in leland defamiliarises her father, and conversely knowing that it's leland who's being piloted by bob also familiarises the demon. so much of the horror is carried by that tension between a man she's supposed to know, love, and trust, and a supernatural being who is violating her. analogously, ellen says that her initial encounters with nosferatu felt positive: she called out for love and companionship, and believed that's what she was getting until the violence was too escalated and undeniable, at which point she suddenly perceived nosferatu for what he was and became horrified not just at him but also at herself. i'd suggest that even though both these works textually portray rape as being perpetrated by an otherworldly element, there IS a legitimate reading in both as allegorically referring to father–daughter incestuous rape.

with nosferatu, much of this hinges on what i think eggers draws out pretty well re: the overlap between property ownership and patriarchal sexual ownership of wives and daughters. the line between buying a house and buying a woman is so blurred that thomas cannot tell the two acts apart when he goes to see orlok; it's ellen who pieces together the manner in which she is being traded from one man's household to another. indeed, the roles of husband and father are conflated and continuous throughout the film. after ellen's mother dies, she is the sole property of her father; it is in his emotional absence that she initially seeks out nosferatu, unknowingly, and although the childhood sequence is somehwat perfunctory, we can certainly read this as ellen seeking a replacement father figure who turns out to be simultaneously her rapist and her accursed betrothed. ellen dreams of her marriage to nosferatu in the guise of death, a vision in which he murders and thus replaces all other social and familial ties. we never even see ellen as anything but the property of a man—she goes from her father's household to hutter's, with the interlude where he essentially leaves her in custody of friedrich—and in these family structures, the type of property role that characterises the wife is always perilously close to that of the daughter. even when anna dies and is interred, she does so alongside her children, such that there is no functional difference between how friedrich grieves his wife and how he grieves his children.

additionally there is the fact that one of the few concrete details we know about ellen and her father is that he threatened/tried to send her to an asylum when he found her outside naked in conjunction with one of orlok's assaults. with the above in mind i think there are a few significant things to make of this detail:

again, it is specifically the implication that ellen has had sex—this is, has been sexually unfaithful to her nuclear family—that prompts this threat.

given that ellen first called to nosferatu because of the loneliness and misery she was experiencing, textually the rape she has been enduring is at least partially, or indirectly, caused by her father. in other words, he bears responsibility, as patriarch, for having made ellen hysterical (traumatised), and, when confronted with this fact in the flesh, can only respond by trying to pass her off to an even more repressive institution than the family—which fate, it is at least implied, she was spared specifically because meeting thomas temporarily stopped her 'fits'.

to her father's mind, ellen can be either a virginal bride, sound (pure) of mind, or she is defective and of a social underclass. in other words, the evaluation of ellen as a sexual possession runs continuously from her father to her husband to her husband's friend (who fears her presence is so contagiously corrupting as to threaten his own marital and filial property), and thru nosferatu the entire time.

arguably then this designation her father makes of ellen, her purity, and her 'defiled' body becomes an originary template for her subsequent intimate-partner relationships (where nosferatu's rapes are another such template, pertaining more specifically to her experience of sexual pleasure and desire). both thomas and friedrich later react to ellen with disgust and fear that mirror her father's; the only character who is steadfast at her side is anna, who is killed for it (and so also, in what is only barely the subtext of the vampiric act, raped).

i've already seen a few reviews that suggest eggers sees female sexuality in itself as the corrupting force here—i disagree, and i think paying more attention to the father/husband and daughter/wife roles here clarifies this. i think it's quite clear that the tragedy here is that ellen is someone who is not supposed to desire sex, even in the naïve and completely uninformed way of her childhood self, and is instead configured in her relationships to her father and husband/s as simultaneously a pure (white) object to be won and as an unruly (brunette) epileptic and hysteric. i still don't like the ending and wish eggers had changed it—but, i do think that what he was trying to accomplish there was to show ellen at last breaking from the daughter/wife position that demands she stifle all externally aimed desires, while also showing that in her social context, this break cannot happen without the definitive loss of her personhood in the form of actual death.

there is no escape valve for desire here—neither her joy at the dream of marrying death, nor her horror upon waking up from it, can save her—there is no way to configure the wife/daughter role as compatible with the 'deviant' desires that the role itself engenders, or the rape it enables/causes. in the grand scheme of this film, ellen and her father are a relatively tame example of violence, sexual and otherwise. but, the pattern and power differentials between them are both continuous and overlapping with the more 'extreme' or overt violence of the rest of the film.

[outrunningthedark]

https://www.tumblr.com/outrunningthedark/781744379350188032/you-know-how-we-often-talk-about-tim-saying

No, because I’ve talked about this to my friends before.

Eddie’s very first scene is him putting on a shirt in slow motion while Bobby gives a whole bunch of exposition about him, Chim and Hen bend over backwards to talk about how hot he is and Buck gets jealous that Eddie’s hotter and newer than him. Eddie doesn't even have any dialogue, he just gets creeped on by the others. (What’s the point of a locker room with see-through walls anyway???)

First scenes like that are usually supposed to establish the characters in question and what they’re about, etc.

Eddie was very clearly used for visual appeal and not much more.

Eddie was very clearly used for visual appeal and not much more. And if the first scene wasn't clear enough, the fact that Ryan got the job without even auditioning for ANY role says it all, doesn't it? He's not Jennifer. Or Peter. Or Angela. He wasn't established enough BEFORE 911 to be offered a job opportunity without having to earn it. But he got one anyway. Because Tim (and Ryan Murphy, but I feel like we're all on the same page about this really being a Tim Thing) liked what he saw. Oh, and let's not forget the original idea was to put Maddie and Eddie together until Jennifer requested to work with Kenny instead. We can do what a fandom does and come up with all the ways in which a Maddie/Eddie pairing COULD have worked story-wise, but Jennifer being able to dictate the course of Maddie's journey so easily tells us Tim hadn't gotten much farther than "well OBVIOUSLY the two pretty people are gonna end up together, right?" 🙃 Even the fighting arc, though a significant part of the grieving process should be looked at sideways. Of all the ways Eddie could have expressed his pain, he had to be sweaty and shirtless? And that was after a season in which the only real relationship he and Shannon had was one in which they ended up in bed. Which was actually shown and not just alluded to. Fast forward to season seven where Eddie's in bed with two different women - one being real and one being a dream - then season eight where Eddie has to dance around in his underwear, and we can see that under Tim's control (versus Kristen's), this is one thing that will never change.

[ikjun]

I loved your Inho & Junho headcanons so I was wondering if you maybe have any headcanons about Inho's relationship with his stepmother aka Jun ho's mother. In the first season she always seems very concerned about him (in the second season too) and I was fairly surprised when it was revealed that he wasn’t her son (not to say that step ralationships can’t be as close as blood relationships) but considering that that Junho and Inho have a huge age gap it wouldn’t be uncommon for there not to have been much of a mother son bond between her and her husbands son while is what lead be to assume she had been married to their father for a while before Junho was born. ( I have no idea what to make of their father whatsoever) I’d love to hear your thoughts ^^

hmmm, good question. to me inho and junho's mother never read as too close but not antagonising each other either. she cares about him in a way any mother would about an estranged older son (but then again i fully believe s1 was set up with them as brothers, not half-brothers hence the kidney transplant etc.) that you know has been living his own life for a while and is independent, but you still value and care about for the adult son he is. i believe she grew to love inho since he also has became her son, especially after her husband's death, and a death like that quite frankly bonds all grieving parties until the end of their lives. it is too cataclysmic and encompassing not to have this result.

from inho's end i think he respects his stepmother. i don't think they ever mentioned what happened to inho's own mother, but if it was divorce or any other worse estrangement, he had to come to terms with the new reality of having a step-mother now and i think he adjusted, just from the way junho and junho's mother talk about him. they seem like a pretty whole family unit as you said. now the person from inho's family he cares about deeply, loves deeply, and who he moved mountains for is junho. junho is also what ties him to his stepmother, the one thing between them that even makes them a family to begin with. the huge age gap between inho and junho also means that inho helped raise junho, which isn't even me going too head-canony with it, that's what happens between siblings with big age gaps.

inho and junho's mother de facto raised junho together, which bonds them for life, as does inho being the first son of the man junho's mother married. he is, after all, inho and junho's father both and his shadow haunts the family the same way inho started to haunt junho. that is not just something created on accident - the story of the hwang brothers is very heavy on filial relationships and the familial relationships between men. having two brothers where one stepped in for the absent, dead father is a big vehicle to inspire junho's obsession with inho and give it a legitimate emotional foundation. junho going off at his mother in their scene in season two also shows that inho as a force stands between junho and his mother. junho sees himself as a family unit with inho as much if not more than with his mother. i can only assume inho likes it this way - he is the man of the house and has been so in every significant relationship in his life, a person of authority for his loved ones. and i think him and junho's mother balanced this between them, where he cares about her as his late father's wife and junho's mother, which is even more imperative to him.

[glow-wine]

Re: Arondir

2x8 spoilers obviously

The Rings of Power generally suffers from having to balance so many different storylines, which also advance at very different paces and aren't always equally exciting. It's a problem that the Gandalf subplot has not at all overlapped with any of the other storylines FOR TWO SEASONS. These characters do not even know of each other's existence.

In Season 1, the most engaging storyline for me was the Southlands stuff. The stakes were high and felt that way, too, since all the characters were original creations, their fate not predictable, the threat was tangible. As this storyline's protagonist, Arondir was pretty much constantly fighting to survive or to save others, and he often failed simply because the odds were so high. His dynamic with Adar was interesting and felt like it was setting up something. Arondir watched Adar grieve for a dead orc and became the first (and for the duration of Season 1, the only) character to see that emotional side of Adar. They were both doing the seed planting ritual before a battle, a deliberate paralleling of the two characters.

In Season 2, those same key moments were replicated with Galadriel, setting up the same kind of dynamic between Adar and Galadriel. Meanwhile, Arondir is ... handled weirdly. Frankly, Season 2 uses him like a cheat code: Isildur needs saving? Arondir! Galadriel needs help? Arondir! He's the action guy, who does action things. Oh, he also wants revenge against Adar for Bronwyn and everything else, but this part of the storyline isn't even half-assed, it's quarter-assed at best. He just goes up against him and gets stabbed in 2x7. But only mildly stabbed, I suppose, because the injury isn't even brought up in 2x8, he doesn't share any further scenes with Adar, does not even comment on his death. He's given no room for his personal feelings, and his character arc is a mere sketch. He's purely a supporting character as soon as he is surrounded by the "important" canonical Elves. It's not very satisfying, not very good storytelling.

And I wonder if the original plans for these characters were anything like this. Supposedly Bronwyn only died because the actress quit, so was Arondir meant to stay with the Southland refugees? Was he meant to go after Adar for some reason other than revenge? I did not think it boded well that Bronwyn wasn't recast; obviously removing this character didn't impact the overall plans all that much, and the writers didn't worry about how her death would affect and change Arondir's story. I mean, he's lost his love interest and his personal antagonist was essentially taken from him and assigned to Galadriel. All Arondir is left with is some badass action scenes and a few nice moments here and there, but it doesn't come together in the end. It just fizzles out. What's his story?

Overall, I don't think The Rings of Power has handled its original characters all that well. Not really a surprise, because the show is telling too many storylines at once, and simply doesn't have enough time to develop original characters as well. But think of the elves who briefly journey with Elrond and Galadriel, how they are non-entities and you do not even learn their names until their "shocking" death scenes. The black guy dies first, too! With that in mind, I guess Arondir is lucky to be alive, even if he's relegated to the status of a supporting character without significant relaionships or goals of his own.

Honestly, I'm not even that suprised or disappointed. I found it hard to get into The Rings of Power Season 2 right after watching Interview with the Vampire, because that show is so much better at writing characters and developing complex relationships. Surely part of the reason is that it's just a much more personal story with a smaller cast. Fallout was another positive example of a TV show handling multiple storylines/main characters more successfully than ROP, again a smaller cast and more focused writing, and a season finale that involves everyone in meaningful ways, which Rings of Power has failed to do twice now.

I'm sorry if this rant was incoherent or if there are typos, I don't feel like rereading and editing it, lol. I could also go on and on and ON! But it's way past noon, I'm still in my pyjamas and starting to feel grimy, so I need a shower.

[noideawherethatcamefrom]

As a way of celebrating Pride Month I've decided to write posts about bisexual characters that are very dear to my heart. I have about 17 characters planned and I'll be working my way up to the ones who are truly inspirational to me. This is purely for my entertainment but you're more than welcome to hop on! We will start with...

Kikuta Masato

“Kikurin” from Love Shuffle

Kikuta Masato is a canonically bisexual member of the main cast of the Japanese romantic comedy TV series Love Shuffle. He’s a psychiatrist living on the highest floor of his apartment complex, neighbor to the other cast members. When they all get stuck in an elevator during a power outage and vent about their unsuccessful love lives, Kikurin proposes the game of Love Shuffle which has them switching partners every week until they find the right person.

Kikuta has a calm, collected, warm and optimistic demeanor. His apartment is filled with books and plants and he has a pet bird. He’s not afraid of trying bold, unconventional methods. Not only does he propose and organize the Love Shuffle game, he also invites his patient Kairi who suffers from schizophrenia and suicidal thoughts to join because he thinks it might help her mental state. During his first date with Mei he performs (fully consensual!) hypnotherapy on her. Despite his composed exterior we see him get passionate and even rough in bed with Reiko, much to her satisfaction.

But he also has a sad secret. He’s grieving the loss of his significant other. When Aiai hears his story and asks to be his girlfriend, offering to help fill the void in his heart, he declines her offer with a kind smile, advising her not to mistake pity for love. But a rumor spreads that someone who’s part of the game shares a striking similarity to Kikuta’s dead lover. Aiai and Usa go as far as to sneak into his apartment to find the photo of Kikurin and his dead boyfriend who strongly resembles their friend Ojiro. Kikuta catches them red-handed and even though the goofy duo are freaked out and shout “GAY!” when they see him, he patiently explains that he’s actually bi.

Unfortunately, the show treats Kikurin’s sexuality pretty awkwardly. It mostly serves as a plot device, the photo’s reveal being an episode’s cliffhanger. Aiai and Usa’s clumsy attempts at not outing their friend against his will are genuinely funny (flinching when hearing the word “bye”, etc.). I understand that their strong reactions are rooted in queerness still being a taboo in Japan in the late 2000s. What bothered me was the ominous aura of “Is Kikuta actually the villain?” tied strongly to his sexuality. He’s shown looking at Ojiro in an almost predatory manner, hinting to the audience that he might try to take advantage of the other man, but he never does.

When Ojiro finds out about Kikuta’s late boyfriend, they have a heartfelt conversation about it. Ojiro offers Kikuta a few kind words that his dead boyfriend might’ve wanted him to hear which results in Kikuta bursting into tears and the two men hugging.

Overall, Love Shuffle is a hidden gem among J-Dramas, with a stellar cast of characters (Kikuta isn’t even my favorite one from the show!), unarming dorky humor and interesting exploration of topics such as relationships, depression, privilege. I remember watching the first episode with a friend. When the main characters, who at that point were strangers, got stuck in an elevator and debated peeing into paper cups while singing Dancing Queen my friend and I gave each other a knowing look. We were in for a ride. If you need some more convincing to watch it, you can read this spot-on review.

[radioshackraider]

So, changes to Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The School plot is condensed. Percy is kicked out almost immediately after the school trip incident, instead of a downward spiral of poor behaviour, partially caused by his gaslighting by Chiron and Grover. Grover also now plays a more active role in his leaving Yancy by being honest that Percy admitted to wanting to take action against Nancy's bullying of the pair. Grover isn't played as disabled here, likely because if he was, Rick would have wanted to have cast a disabled actor for the character and that may have caused some significant difficulties, given the physical nature of Grover's role. A minor detail to be sure, but Mythomagic, a fiction card/miniatures game is introduced as part of the world in the very first episode. It's not too important, but it does help flesh the world out a bit more and is appreciated. Smelly Gabe (Percy's stepfather) is frankly less of an asshole, so far. He's a full on parasite still, but he doesn't come off as a complete piece of shit instantly. His dynamic with Sally Jackson seems to be less abusive so far. Speaking of, Sally takes less of Gabe's shit here. In part be cause he gives less of it, and in part because what little he gives, she gives back. All in all, she's much more proactive here, even attempting to tell Percy about his father and his nature as a demigod. Percy keeps Riptide after the fight with Mrs. Dodds. Instead of immediately returning it to Chiron, he ends up keeping it and using it against the Minotaur, even though he still ends up kill it with it's own horn. Mr. D is more playful and less surly. Comes across as more of a prankster than a alcoholic in withdrawal. Still an ass, but a more likable one. Which is important for a recurring character who isn't a full on antagonist. The introduction of Glory as an almost magical quality. It feels like it's filling a similar role to the aura demigods have that attract monsters to them, both growing as the demigod does in power. It gives Percy some amount of reason to participate in things when he should be grieving his mother. Annabeth spends less time with Percy before his quest. They basically don't interact with one another until the Bathroom scene. Instead Percy spends more time with Luke, which given the sped up nature of the show, is important to establish the friendship between the two. Percy isn't attacked by a Hellhound at camp. This was an important factor in the decision to send Percy on his quest originally, as it was thought he may be safer outside the camp than in. It also gave Chiron and others reason to suspect Hades as the Lightning Thief. And the biggest change, as I've mentioned a little so far, is that the time frame has sped up drastically, to be more in-line with Rick's more recent books. Percy gets kicked out of school faster, He spends less time at camp unclaimed, he spends much less time training, and he gets a single week for his quest. A quest that he originally had at least a month to complete. Which is a major change given that a significant amount of his time on the quest was spent in the Lotus Hotel and Casino. Which we know is still a part of this show's plot.

And now for some fun speculation on other changes I think may occur. The incident with Procrustes won't be featured. It's pretty horrifying and brutal segment that isn't overly important to the story. Feels like an easy skip to me. Hermes will give the escape pearls to Percy at the Lotus Hotel instead of the Nereid after the Echidna Encounter. Pure speculation here, but I can't see why he'd be involved in the plot of this at all unless he was acting in his role as the messenger of the gods and delivering something to the questers. The subplot of Percy's rampage of terror across the US will likely be dropped. The main fallout being the complete breakdown of the relationship between Gabe, Percy and Sally can still happen without the prolonged media meltdown simply by Gabe going full Abuser over his car getting totalled. This is a pretty dark plot line for a kids show. I could see it getting cut in favour of a more amicable separation of Gabe and Sally. But Rick also doesn't like to shy away from these more complex topics, and it might be good for a kid's show to touch on them.

[thgfanfictionlibrary]

do you know any age gap everlark fics? thank you

Hello Anon!

Here's a list of Age Gap!Everlark Fics that I found in my search. I tried to shoot for notable age gaps rather than like 1-4-year difference:

Blowout-annieoakley1 (ao3) Summary: “You’re fifteen years younger than I am. I’m your boss. I’m technically your father’s boss. There’s a pretty significant power imbalance here, Katniss. How do you think your parents would feel if we were together? What do you think everyone would assume?” Everlark. Modern Day AU. Bullseye-DandelionSunset, Everylark, papofglencoe (ao3) Summary: When Katniss Everdeen finds herself stocking up on Midol and tampons at her local Target, the last person she expects to check her out is Peeta Mellark. An age gap!Everlark love story. Chemistry-annieoakley1 (ao3) Summary: A week away from graduating college, Katniss runs into her former high school teacher and first crush- Mr. Mellark. An Everlark oneshot. Electra-misshoneywell (ao3) Summary: Katniss has always been envious of the close relationship her best friend, Madge, has with her father. But after an intense situation helps bond her with Mr. Mellark, she realizes that it's not a fatherly relationship she wants. Crush-atetheredmind (ao3) Summary: When Katniss meets her friend's older brother Peeta, she is immediately smitten with him. She's only fresh out of high school, he's a college senior, and she's convinced he won't even give her the time of day…until he does. Leather-Jenye (ao3) Summary: His fingers are worked to the bone and the calloused digits tell stories of the countless hours he slaves to help support his family. The purple hues beneath his eyes only seem to enhance their mesmerizing blue shade. His blond curls never look entirely clean and his fair skin wears a pink tint beneath the thin layer of dirt he always accumulates. He had been sixteen when he took this job almost three years ago and now he looks every bit of a man nearing his thirties. Ride Along-thegirlonpeetamellark (ao3) Summary: "We drive along in silence for a while longer, and I realize this night has not gone at all like I had expected. I was ready to be pissed off the entire time and make it perfectly clear how I feel about this punishment. But Officer Mellark is nothing at all like I expected, and this night has been anything but ordinary." Modern Day AU Saint Peeta-thegirlonpeetamellark (ao3) Summary: Katniss and Peeta in college. He wants her. She wants him. So, what’s the problem? The Baker's Son-misshoneywell (ao3) Summary: "He’s a grown man, Katniss. With secrets," he says to the trees. "You’re barely eighteen. Be careful." In-Panem AU. The Boy Next Door-atetheredmind (ao3) Summary: Katniss has a new neighbor. He’s good-looking, sweet. But he’s too young for her. And she is definitely too pregnant for him. The Girl Next Door-thegirlonpeetamellark (ao3) Summary: She turned toward the house when the light went on, and when she spotted him in the window she blew him a kiss. He stood there, frozen, torn between wanting to continue watching her and knowing that this wasn’t right. She was his grieving neighbor’s daughter. She was six years younger than him. Written for the Tumblr 'Prompts in Panem' 7 Day Challenge: Intimate Portraits The Piercing-LemonLuvGirl (ao3) Summary: 23 year old Katniss Everdeen is one of the Capitol’s premier marksman trainers for the Peacekeeper Core. She trains the best Peacekeeper recruits in various districts, but she lives permanently in the Capitol. It’s on one of her return home visits one year that she meets the newest Victor of the Hunger Games, Peeta Mellark. He’s a shy, sweet 16 year old who’s innocence reminds her of everything she’s lost over the years working for and living in the Capitol. When he asks her out she says no. Two years later they meet again and Peeta is almost nothing like what she remembered. Working Through It-thegirlonpeetamellark (ao3) Summary: Written for S2SL. "I think it's a good thing you're innocent and inexperienced, trust me. But I have…specific needs and tastes, and I just don't think it would be a good idea for us to get involved." Peeta hires Katniss for some contracting work on his home. Then they realize this is more than just a business relationship. Modern Day AU

Hope these ones are new to you! Happy reading!

Feel free to add any more you guys know of in the replies, tags, or reblogs and I'll add them to the list!

Update (12/19/23)

Every Time I Choose You-endlessnightlock (ao3) Summary: Older Katniss makes a bargain for Younger Peeta to become her husband in this no Hunger Games, in-Panem arranged marriage a/u.

[the-boney-rolls]

The Great Covid Beatles Binge, Day 1: Nowhere Boy

I am stuck in bed with Covid and have decided to spend my time binging all the Beatles movies, docs and biopics I've never gotten around to. Up first, Nowhere Boy (2009)

OK this opening shot is actually stunning? The first chord of A Hard Day's Night and John running through Liverpool and stumbling just like in that movie. STRONG opener!

“Do I ignore you? No. So please don’t ignore me.” makes me think of "Don’t 'nore me Mimi!"

Oh Uncle George! I don’t know if their relationship was really this lighthearted and warm but it breaks my heart to think that sweet John couldn’t have a positive father figure in his life for long, he clearly needed that. 

John making weird little sounds while he doodles and then doesn’t even know that he’s being asked about his favorite guy. “Churchill sir!”

This poor actress has really been type cast as Messy Mom. I feel like she usually plays meaner/more fucked up characters though so I was skeptical, but I like her in this after all.

"I Put a Spell on You" really is a sexy song, damn.

So in the context of this movie, these scene doesn't even feel all that scandalous. This entire movie to this point (and going forward) has been framed a romance between John and Julia, so by the time you get here it's like yeah, I guess that's what we're doing. The writer of this movie read that one quote of John's talking about having feelings of attraction to Julia and really went WILD with it.

I'm shocked that they didn't try to find some way to get the song "Yes It Is" into this movie. Clearly someone has a theory:

If you wear red tonight Remember what I said tonight For red is the color that my baby wore

Anyway, this forest scene was hot.

I love Aunt Mimi and John teaming up to haggle with the man for a better price on the guitar. “That’s not very good is it John?” “Borderline mediocre if you ask me”

What is going on with this lodger and Aunt Mimi! I feel like I'm getting a vibe.

OK unsurprisingly, I need there to be like %1000 more significance placed on this scene.

I'm gonna pause here to talk about casting. I don't believe that actors need to look just like the subjects they're portraying, it's more important that they can carry out the essence of the character, but I do feel like sometimes, with certain characters, there are some aspects of appearance that are important. Like I think it is important that Paul is very pretty, both for his own character and for John's perception of him. And in this instance, the John actor is just objectively much prettier than the Paul actor and that's simply wrong. John would never in a million years say this little boy looks like Elvis!

This scene is such a mess, this movie is just making shit up now. Julia at literally every one of their gigs. John being weirdly jealous of Paul's relationship (??) with Julia. Paul being a great and confident lead guitarist! This last point in particular gets me because if that were the case, what's the point in bringing in George? Which happens in the next scene! There's absolutely no build up, it's just like here's George.

Justice for George, once again a nonentity in a Beatles movie. At least in Backbeat he had a couple funny lines.

Mimi made him birthday dinner and bought him a new guitar!! But he didn't show! Excuse me while I sob. This trope always gets me. I think the relationship between John and Mimi is my favorite part of this movie.

Ah the infamous punching scene. It really must have especially irked Paul that it was in the context of John grieving for his mother. Like, how dare they take this thing that was such a tender, emotional bonding experience for the two of them and make it into a display of John's macho anger.

Make me think -- WHAT would John have thought of this movie??

"In Spite of All the Danger," my beloved! This song is so good. Peter Jackson, please work your AI magic on the record to give us a cleaned-up version! I'm so McLennon-pilled though that it's very weird to see it in this context. Also, it's mostly a Paul song!

“Hamburg? Humbug!” Mimi, I love you!

OK sobbing. And as "Mother" plays the movie out? It's on the nose but it's working for me.

Overall, a fine movie. The whole concept of the movie as essentially a romance between John as his mother is questionable at best! But there were a lot of lovely shots of Liverpool and I did like Aaron Taylor-Johnson as John. He captured John's silly, playful side that you don't often see. Definitely the Mimi/John relationship was the best and most authentic feeling part of this movie, so I am glad that it ended on that note.

Next up, Give My Regards to Broad Street!

[elenacastro]

𝙱𝙸𝙾𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙷𝚈 ─── 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙻𝙸𝚂𝚃 ─── 𝙿𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚃

Full name: Elena Paloma Castro

Nicknames: Lena, Ellie

Age: 31

Nationality: Dual (Puerto Rican, American)

Gender: Cis Woman

Pronouns: she/her

Orientation: Bisexual

Current Occupation: Electrician

Former Occupation: US Marine Corps Pilot

Residency: Old mobile home near the Solar Panel Yard

Lenght of Residency: 2 years

Summary

Born in Arizona, her parents were two immigrants who saw a bright future for their two daughters. While Monica, her older sister, saw a clear path for herself, Elena struggled a bit longer to figure out what she wanted. Eventually, she joined the Marines instead of going to college and that's where she's been. Her sister moved to Redwood since it was her fiance's hometown, it's where they got married and had their daughter. Elena visited for the wedding once, stayed for a while, and then returned to work but shortly after, the goddamn apocalypse happened. Elena was amongst the ones who tried to save as many people as possible but when her entire unit fell, she headed for Redwood to meet her sister. However, when she reached town, she discovered her sister didn't make it during the attack. Elena decided to stay and be with her niece and her sister's husband, the only family she had left. Her time in the Marines made her valuable, although she prefers quickly tinkering with electronics.

Wanted Plots

(This might turn into a WC on main) Her sister's husband. They rely on each other to take care of Elena's niece, although they've never gotten close. They barely know anything meaningful about one another but at the same time, they'd kill for each other. Just a distant yet close relationship between two people still grieving the loss of a loved one.

Returning friend: They met during Elena's sister's wedding preparations and they instantly clicked. They spent a significant amount of time together when Elena was in town before the outbreak and when the world started burning and she came back, their friendship solidified and they grew to become extremely close.

Old hookup: It was just one shared night after the wedding festivities and they never planned to do it again, see each other again or live together during a damn zombie apocalypse. Although it's been a long time since then, Elena seems to avoid them a bit too much to have forgotten about it.

Her sister's friends: People who were close to Monica and who still miss her. Finding comfort in each other is sometimes easy, but sometimes the similarities between the sisters show too much. Especially when Elena is around her niece. It could be bitter-sweet. Or simple resentment.

Late-night buddies. Just two people who absolutely cannot sleep so they sit together at night, giving each other shit about how they are both so damn messed up, they can't even relax in their dreams. Always dancing on the line of having meaningful conversations.

Renovation friend: Someone who helped her fix the trailer home she now lives in. Elena is pretty handy but some things just work better with two pairs of hands. They were kind enough to help her when they barely knew her and Elena has never forgotten it, often inviting them to visit the project they finished together.

Bennie's refuge: Elena has a dog named Bennie and while they are an unbreakable pair, the pup always seems to run off to visit them. Countless times they brought Bennie back or Elena showed up at their place to pick up her dog. It's a running joke at this point.

I had more ideas last night when I applied but that's all I can remember for now.

[lostplay]

Game 70: Virgo Versus The Zodiac May2024

I think what hurts the most about Virgo Versus the Zodiac is just how ascetically pleasing yet misunderstood it is. Like I legitimately thought I was getting the next Undertale + Paper Mario hybrid out there, but this game plays far closer to a game called Child of Light. So instead of a reliance on meta narratives or action prompts, the game is far heavier geared toward a defensive mindset that can be pretty jarring if you take this game lightly. Virgo Versus The Zodiac is kinda stubbornly it's own thing though, and while it does takes a lot of inspiration from various RPGs, ultimately it's a unique experience with a wonky difficulty curve, bloated gear system, and interesting take on the zodiac that remains true to what they are.

Like I can't stress enough that the hardest part of the game is the beginning. You have very little options, allies, or understanding of your moves. So when you make a wrong choice, the game penalizes you super hard. The way choices matter both through battle sequences, and during key moments in the game also impact just what route you may take, and how everything plays up through the course of the worlds you visit. Not so much that it changes the settings, but enough to change the order of Zodiac's met and the significant they have to your story path. Add this together with a weapon system that exponentially grows into a massive headache of upgrade grieve, and a constant changeable moveset for both Virgo and her allies means that the game almost exclusively becomes easier the further you go in the game as opposed to the usual difficulty curve of progressively harder fights. Like I really do like the system they have in place here, but often I felt paralyzed with too much choice and the dread of tediousness to test out all these new move sets from each individual gear change. So much so that I kinda just upgraded the ones I felt most comfortable to use rather than the best or even experiment on other gears later on.

Virgo Versus the Zodiac is just kinda like that though, and once you get past the first two chapters, things start to fall into place. Fun space magic starts happening all over the place, we start learning more about the characters and Zodiacs we are facing off, and most of all, we keep meeting really interesting enemy designs and worlds to explore. Like there is clear thought and placement to the lores of each individual area and what the governing Zodiacs have done to each place. How we react to, and go through various story events helps further show the motives that Virgo ultimately wants to change. And like the game only gives explanations through there characters and interactions, and rarely does it have blatant exponentiation just laying around. The game isn't completely serious though, often leaning into comedy bits through various lore explanations or even becoming rather dark with how bleak the worlds we visit truly are. Basically, the ascetics that we see on the surface of Virgo Versus The Zodiac really do help do the game just for what story it wants to tell while still delivering us a rather deep lore ridden game.

Do I think Virgo Versus the Zodiac is a good game? It's a bit rough to say as much, but I think the better point here is that Virgo Versus the Zodiac is an interesting game, which some good games don't always get a grasp of. There is plenty of love with it's lore, characters, relationships, and art style that make me want to praise it to anyone that finds it interesting. The fact it's also queer as heck is just a wonderful topping on such a charming game. Would love to see more from this universe, but what we got is good too.

[verdemoth]

ok the promised Lucy Lore Post. a messy assemblage of details with various degrees of relevance to each other

~ Ulysses is bigender but not genderfluid, he’s always in a state of being both man and lady simultaneously in a way that doesn’t tend to shift, and you can use binary gendered pronouns/terms interchangeably for her at any moment. but also the ‘femme socialite’ persona is a mostly separate identity for Spy Purposes and uses a pseudonym (that i haven’t come up with yet), and as this persona she’s mostly just presenting as a woman, in order to further distinguish this persona from her preferred masc style in daily life. She has Some Fun with the manipulations of the social game, while also having a simmering animosity for all the irksome gentlepersons she’s got to rub elbows with and the stifling act of civility she must maintain to get any use out of the endeavour.

~ Ulysses’s background is still pretty flexible, but the current baseline is: She grew up well-off in Edinburgh, her family comfortably middle-class and financially secure. But one day in her youth, her immediate family (two parents and an older brother I think) just vanished without a trace, leaving Ulysses with no indication as to whether this was the result of a mysterious demise or an intentional relocation. He feels Weird about it. He wasn’t particularly close with any of them and doesn’t think he grieves them, and this is not a Nemesis situation where he’s looking for revenge, but… it was a significant and distressing event and there is that lingering need to know Why. Why did it happen, and why was he left behind, alone? He did use the event as an opportunity to shed his old identity; she could go missing, too. He began to present as masc and claimed himself to be a relative of the family. He managed to secure some of his inheritance, and got into Edinburgh medical school (He wasn’t Cognizant that he was trans at the time but slowly worked it out via the euphoria of presenting as a guy, then he let himself get more flexible w his gender in the Neath upon realizing attitudes about these things were so lax down below). In the meanwhile, he was connecting the pieces that his family had in some way been involved in the Great Game, and that involvement may have been the cause of whatever had transpired that night. So when she found herself tumbling into the Neath, those connections are how she’s gotten tangled up in the Game herself. It is in part a need to resolve and finally put to rest that youthhood trauma, and in part a desire for the thrill of partaking in these treacherous clandestine machinations, learning how to play and to pull the strings (though… he’s not very aware of how many have been discreetly tied to him in the process…)

~ Ulysses’s relationship with the practice of medicine is like. She’s definitely passionate about it. This is a career she Chose and is invested in, she very much wanted to be a doctor and is very satisfied with the work. But he’s kinda weird abt it…… Lady is obsessed with the workings of the human body and all the ways it can break. He romanticizes and venerates flesh and arteries and organs, and injury and disease and rot like it’s all something divine and holy and beautiful.

~ Lucy’s already inherently a lil fucked up from the start but it’s more buried, and he only gets Worse. She presents herself as a respectable gentleman and a charming socialite, but just beneath the surface she is full of such horrible barely restrained ruthless ferocity. Girlrage. Deeply fucked up in ways that only really become apparent in the right situation, then very conflicted in how she feels abt knowingly having this capacity for great violence but also understanding herself well enough to realize she’s always gonna make the same decisions and it’s easier to strangle the remorse than subdue the aggression.

~ the Ulysses & Rajendra dynamic isn’t fully 100% solidified but they definitely have some weird fucked up Thing going on between them and they are atrocious <3 they were friends at some point in their childhood before losing contact with each other, and then reconnected recently as they’re both in the Neath. to my pal Sky i’ve described Lucy’s side as having an undoubtedly genuine respect and admiration for Raj, but also a very very intense “I want you to know me wholly and completely like no one else can, if there is anything left to know of me behind my masks, and I want to know you just as intimately” + “I’m certain one of us will extinguish the other one day and I would find contentment in either role” + that figs and wasps tumblr post:

(and maybe even some “you’d look hot covered in blood (and it can be mine) 💕”) so yeah they’re totally normal

also here’s his playlist for funzies ✨ arranged in a general downward spiral

And the last of my Flondon PCs, making her tumblr debut, my guy Dr. Narramore! Lucy to his friends. He's a freak and he sucks <3 she exists because I did want to experience the Seeking storyline but I'd never put Mel or Knoll through all that. So, Ulysses is designed to be locked in the torment nexus and experience the horrors and she can only get worse from here! But actually I'm yet to get to any of the Seeking stuff since I haven't been super focused on building up his account yet.

He's also an excuse to explore the Great Game content, and that gives me some direction to take his character. Speaking of characters, Darling Lark (mentioned on this sheet) belongs to my friend @skies-seas ! Also a character belonging to Sky is the one and only person in the world who Ulysses considers indispensable: childhood friend and mad scientist Rajendra Narod, also a Seeking PC who Sky made so we can do our favourite activity of making Fucked Up Guys together <3 <3 <3

Also yeah Horticulture Hell! I was brainstorming what my Seeking character should be like for months in advance, and I had the idea that instead of going through New-Newgate he'd start off in a different Menace location (fucking dying lol). Then Horticulture Hell happened and the idea of being new to the Neath while all that was going on was so funny to me, so that's when I made the account :]

i have some more notes on his character than I can share, but I'll do so in a reblog probably so this isn't TOO long. Transcripts to follow under the readmore

Text Transcripts:

In the top left are some quick details. Lucy's full name and title is Doctor Ulysses B. Narramore. In the style of other Fallen London characters, Lucy's epithet is 'the Mercurial Pawn'. Lucy uses both she/her and he/him pronouns interchangeably, he's 31 years old and 5 feet 8 inches tall. She resides in a handsome townhouse around Ladybones Road. Her profession is as a physician but she's also a spy in the making, and the faction she's closest to is The Great Game.

Next to these are some notable player attributes. Of the main attributes, Lucy has high Persuasive and Dangerous, but low Watchful. Of the quirks, she has high Ruthless, Heartless, Forceful, and Subtle, but low Magnanimous and Steadfast. He also has another notable quality: that he's Seeking the Name.

In the top right is this note: "Ulysses wasn't (knowingly) a Player in the Great Game before arriving in the Neath. He was inducted by a woman named Darling Lark, operator of a local speakeasy and go-between for spy and criminal activities."

Paired with the art of Lucy covered in blood are these notes: "Though lacking in training, discipline, and real practical experience, Lucy is a formidably aggressive foe. He doesn't fight gracefully and he doesn't fight fair. She won't shy away from blood, and isn't above kicking someone who's already down. ...He might be a bit too into bloodshed. The cane is also for stability, Ulysses has been having weak spells with a bit of a fall risk. But mostly it's a convenient, socially acceptable way to have a good bludgeoning weapon on hand."

With the last illustration of Lucy climbing from a well are these notes: "It is the case that many new residents of London come by way of New-Newgate, but Lucy's arrival was rather more dramatic. Amidst what is occasionally, by some individuals, still referred to as the London Horticultural Show, he found himself tumbling into the Neath through a weak bit of roof. She died, of course, and was in for quite the shock when she'd recovered."

End of text transcripts.

[kae-karo]

hi, me again. after the breakup.. also thanks in advance

hi dear!!!! for context (x) okay that's what i assumed but i kept rereading the message and wondering if i was misunderstanding. in that case...

augh first of all, i'm so sorry dear!!! no matter how the breakup went down, that's definitely a stressful situation to find yourself in. very honestly the best advice i can give you is to focus on...basically anything else

which sounds like. maybe obvious or silly advice or smth? but imo the best method for gathering yourself up and working toward moving on is to surround yourself with friends and activities that bring you joy (or at least some distraction). ideally, things that you can really focus on rather than passive stuff (if ur anything like me, watching stuff is pretty passive and doesn't tend to engage my brain very well!)

i've been through one (1) pretty significant breakup (many moons ago) and had another close friend go through one more recently that's probably more similar to your situation, but the one thing i noticed in those situations is that it can be challenging to disentangle yourself from the life you had with your partner - there are habits, activities, and facets of yourself that you've built with particular people, and it can be a struggle to not have any of that suddenly!

so, my suggestion is to indulge in the things that you want to do just for yourself - spend time with friends (i know there's sometimes caveats here when you've been with a person for a while and friends overlap between you and your ex partner, but i would still advise seeking out other people to talk with and ideally, at least one person that isn't entangled with you both! it can help to vent to someone that won't be in conflict if they're still friends with the ex partner too)

anyway - focusing on things that you do just because they're things you, personally and without any reliance or dependence on your ex partner, enjoy doing. try new activities or crafts or skills, create new habits (getting outside once a day, visiting a new restaurant, making new meals, etc), play new games or watch new media (again, the media can be hit or miss), spend time with friends, cause your social meter may be a little lacking if you're suddenly (possibly) not talking with/spending time around a person you were previously regularly talking to/hanging out with

i know the thing that nobody wants to hear is that moving on takes time, but unfortunately, it really does - but filling that time with things that bring you joy (small joys or big joys, either are good!) or things that you may not have tried before (new experiences tend to feel more significant in our minds than repeated or habitual experiences, just cause they're new and different!) can help give you some distance and perspective that makes acceptance and moving on feel a little smoother

the other comment i'll add is that it's okay to be upset, and to grieve, and to miss the relationship and the person - regardless of how things ended, how good or not so good things were during the relationship, or how you feel about your ex partner now, they were obviously a significant part of your life for two years. intentional distraction (as in, doing things you know will distract you but also because you want them to be a part of your life ig?) is a good way to help shape your life in a direction you want it to go from here, but acknowledging the significance of that time and person and relationship is not a bad thing - the trick is finding a balance, and trying to recognize if your acknowledgement starts to prevent you from finding joy in your life now. nostalgia isn't a bad thing in its own right but it can definitely start detracting from finding happiness in your current life if it starts to become a central focus!

all of that to say - grieve !!!! acknowledge the way you're feeling, whether it be hurt or angry or disappointed or whatever it is!!! but make an effort, too, to start focusing on the present and the ways you can bring joy and excitement and happiness and contentment into your life now, because that's where you're living! call on trusted friends and try new things, or old things that still bring you joy, and i absolutely promise that the way you're feeling will begin to shift as well. it takes time and it isn't a perfectly smooth path, but you will look back one day and it won't feel quite so bad <3 i'm sending you all the best vibes dear!!!

[fortitudina]

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Faolan Lowell NICKNAME: Bad Wolf, Lone Wolf, Little Wolf Little Wolf, AGE: Old, that is all that anyone needs to know BIRTH DATE: 24th October GENDER: Male SPECIES: Lycan ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Demiromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Demisexual RELIGION: Catholic SPOKEN LANGUAGE: Gaelic, English, Russian, German CURRENT LIVING CONDITIONS: An apartment in the city. OCCUPATION: Unknown / Former Angel for H.E.A.V.E.N

RELATIONSHIPS

PARENTS: • Mother - unknown name • Father - unknown name SIBLINGS: • N/A SIGNIFICANT OTHER: • Verse dependent CHILDREN: • Nil FRIENDS: • Lien Xao • Anastasiya Zakharov • Valentin Demiurgos OTHER CONNECTIONS: • Cooper Hemming • Lucien Morningstar • Adrian Strix • Keokuk Nashoba

PHYSICAL TRAITS

EYE COLOUR: Blue HAIR COLOUR: Blonde HEIGHT: 6ft 2 inches BODY BUILD: Mesomorph TATTOOS + PIERCINGS: H.E.A.V.E.N tattoo on left arm, Sun & moon scripture tattoo down his back NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: His body holds several scars from his time as an Angel for H.E.A.V.E.N.

POWERS & ABILITIES

POWERS: • Shapeshifting • Healing Factor • Superhuman agility, strength, senses, speed, stamina • Night Vision • Immortality ABILITIES: • Can survive hundreds of years without food • Expert in hand-to-hand combat • Skilled marksman WEAKNESSES: • Silver • Celestial weapons

PHOBIAS & DISORDERS

PHOBIAS: ~ MENTAL DISORDERS: ~ WHEN WAS THIS DIAGNOSED?: ~

PERSONALITY

PERSONALITY TYPE: ENTJ-A ( Assertive Commander ) MORAL ALIGNMENT: True Neutral INTELLIGENCE: Very Intelligent LIKES: Coffee, Working Out, Relaxing DISLIKES: Living on the edge, Rats, Fish DISPOSITION: Appearing cold and almost stone-like upon first encounters, it takes a lot for him to drop that exterior and allow others to see his true nature. Under the exterior, he is flirty, warm and caring. He still cares greatly for his two former Agents and is very protective of them and others that he comes to care for. EXTRAS: ~

BIOGRAPHY

TW: ABUSE. TORTURE. ASSASSINATIONS. DEATH.

He did not know that he was a Lycan at first, born and raised in Dingle in County Kerry, Ireland, Faolan’s childhood was pretty ordinary; his father was a fisherman and his mother owned a small shop by the harbour, which he would help out in when he wasn’t attending school. One afternoon, he was on his way home from high school when he saw his parent’s shop on fire. He ran as fast as his thirteen-year-old legs could go but the fire was already deeply set in burning the shop down and Faolan believed his parents to have been in there at the time.

He was met on the cobblestone at the front of the burning building by a strange man. He claimed to be a welfare officer, and came to take Faolan in so that he did not have to live a street rat’s life. He told the young teen that he’d be going to a home for orphaned children but, upon arrival there, the place was nothing like the homes for children that he was aware of. There were no windows and only one way in and out; it appeared like the place was underground from what he could make out.

He kept himself silent at first, walking behind the man who’d taken him from his home. The further he walked into the building, the more he could see that children not much older or younger than himself were training to fight. Whilst academic lessons were still taught, you were also taught how to fight; how to brandish weaponry that when it came to some, he’d never seen before in his life. Was this his life now?

He was still grieving his parents for the first few months and so, took himself to hide in whatever work was needed to be done for him. Years were spent with him quickly getting known to be the lone wolf as he refused to get to know another within the base and instead, focused himself on being the best that he could be. As his eighteenth birthday came about, Faolan was finally sent out on his first mission. It was a relatively easy in, kill and out again, but what Faolan nor HEAVEN knew, was that his eighteenth was also the triggering factor for the Lycan gene that had until then, laid dormant within his body. The mission was under the cover of night. At first, the sky was filled with clouds and Faolan thought nothing of anything but, as he got into the building and began to advance on the target, the moon came out and shone into the windows of the building. The pain of that initial change was excruciating and even years on, he can still remember how it felt like all of the bones within his body were shattering and how it felt like his skin was on fire. The target was still taken out, albeit in a far bloodier way than was initially planned, but with his shift, HEAVEN found their new weapon.

Faolan would go out on other missions with other agents, but higher targets were left until the full moon, leaving Faolan enduring the pain over and over again just to do their bidding. He never argued, however. In fact, he continued on, getting the highest kill ratio in comparison to other agents of his age and level. As a result, Faolan quickly got himself promoted throughout the ranks and became one of their Angels.

Angels were the ones in charge under God; they trained the other agents and put them through their paces before deciding if they were ultimately ready for active duty or if they should be decommissioned ( Oh yeah, everyone has a kill switch within them; implanted into the cerebellum ).

His new Lycan ability meant that his ageing was a lot slower to advance in comparison to humans that came through HEAVEN’s gates. It also meant that he remained there for a considerable time. That was until he met his match with two agents ~ Anastasiya Zakharov & Lien Xao. He was their trainer for a long time and got them into active duty but then they managed to escape and got free of HEAVEN’s hold. Faolan faced being decommissioned for losing them both but, he’d long since tampered with his switch, or at least, his shifting had snapped it, something he’d never let on about to the others. He faked his death as a result and was tossed with the other bodies that were to be sent for burial in an unmarked grave.

It was a location known only by a select few and Faolan had been one of them. He waited until he, along with other bodies were tossed into a pile ready to be put into the grave then, as the diggers were taking their break, he made a run for it. He thanked his Lycan side for giving him the ability to run a lot quicker than what he could ever remember as a boy and vanished before the diggers even noticed.

He couldn’t take himself back to Ireland after everything, even with all of the years that had passed. Instead, he took himself to America, quickly forging himself fake identities to get himself places, along with getting himself contacts that could help him set up a life there; one where he wouldn’t have to worry ever again.

[aurora1040]

Death is a strange thing when you grow up in a really large family.

I'm not talking about the 'i have 8 siblings' large family, I mean 20+ uncles and aunts in generation 1 and 20+ great uncles and aunts in generation 2, not counting the people they married or the kids they had or the divorces and remarriages. I'm talking BIG family.

Because from the time you are very little, you've been introduced to death. One of my very earliest memories is when my great great grampa died when i was like... what. 5? 4 years old? I'm not entirely sure but i remember it so clearly.

So many of us were packed inside his house that i was sleeping on the floor under a coffee table (or at least, i was supposed to be sleeping). I remember someone opened the door and someone else was complaining about how the draft would make grampa uncomfortable and i remember very clearly how broken one of my Aunts sounded when she said "I dont think he cares anymore." And that was the moment that Grampa died.

I remember going over to see him and how i could almost swear he was still breathing (thanks a lot, brain tricks /s). I remember his ashen face, the way hos mouth was still open, the way his lips were kinda sunken in, and how peaceful he looked. I remember the quilts on his bed that he had made with his own two hands in his younger years.

I still have quilts that he had made in my apartment today that I will probably never be able to make myself get rid of.

I still remember when one of my great great aunts died and was maybe 5 or 6 years old and how long and pretty her white hair was as she laid there in the casket - and noticing again how i could almost swear that she was still breathing.

In big families like mine, we dont have reunions, we have funerals. We would often remark 'i guess i'll see you at the next one' because they happened so frequently and so often that it was the only chance we had to even get together.

Funerals and memorials services are our normal. You grow up learning real quick the do's and don'ts at funerals.

It became so normalized that when i lost my own brother, I didnt cry. And that upset me more than his sudden and early death did. His death is what numbed my ability to cry at funerals, to be shocked at the news, and I've learned to make peace with my lack of emotion. This is just my life. This is just my normal. Filled with death and tragedy.

I dont cry when someone dies. I cry when someone else is grieving. I hurt because someone living is in grief. I dont dread the death, I dread not being there for those whom the death affected most.

And its surreal to me as I watch the number of living family dwindle. I only have one gramma. one grampa. 2 great aunts. The people who are falling victim to death are steadily becoming those who raised me, those who have actively touched my life in significant ways. Despite how used to death I am, its starting to become personal. I'm starting to see how old my parents really are. I'm starting to see the need to keep in close contact with my close yet extended family.

Death is normal to me and yet its starting to not be. its just..... a very weird relationship to have with death.

Anyways, here's to the living. May you always have someone strong you can rely on when its your time to grieve.

[torchwood-99]

I saw one theory that Theoden was acting obtuse because he was worried that there'd be resistance against Eowyn leading because of her sex, and wanted the people to spell it out they wanted her. It'd be an interesting theory, and would fit, but the problem is that Tolkien never really gives an indication of that or any other reasoning or motive behind Theoden's word, leaving us with Theoden's words alone, which tells us that Theoden just forgot her.

Now a bit of logical reasoning is a fair thing to expect of a reader, we shouldn't need everything spelled out, but we do ned to be given something. For example, Theoden's silence over Theodred. We can reasonably imagine that Theoden was moved beyond words over his son's death, and his silence there would make sense.

If the narrative had drawn some attention to Theoden not saying anything about Theodred's death, if the silence had been given some moment of significance; say Theodred's name comes up and Theoden goes silent, or they ride past his grave or the place he fell and Theoden won't look at it, or just a line saying that Theoden wouldn't, couldn't, say Theodred's name, we would be able to reason from that that Theoden is too pained by Theodred's death to talk about him.

But the narrative is silent on Theoden's silence, so what we're left with is a father who never bothers mentioning his son or his death. Any love or grief Theoden feels is a presumption made on Theoden and the narrative's behalf. We choose to feel that Theoden grieves for Theoden because we think he should, because we've been told he was a good guy and a good guy would be sad about his son's death. Not because Theoden actually does or says anything to indicate any love, grief or remorse over Theodred's death.

It's the same with Eowyn. We can come up with theories to explain Theoden's line about Eomer being "the last of his house", we can try to come up with explanations as to that pretty damning insult. But these theories and explanations are entirely fanfic, the narrative gives us nothing except the line itself.

I'm gonna say it, this is a weakness in Tolkien's writing. That Theoden would have strained or selfish relationships with two family members, his son and his daughter, is not poor writing, and his conduct in regards to them makes for interesting characterisation. However, it conflicts with the character Tolkien is telling us he is. We are told that Theoden is kind, gentle, that he is a loving father, who loved Eowyn more than he would his own daughter.

That Theoden's treatment of two significant people in his life, the two people you'd expect to receive the better part of his kindness, completely goes against the reading of Theoden as a compassionate, gentle father, without any reasoning or significance applied to his conduct towards them, without any indication from the narrative that this was an intentional creative choice to have Theoden come across as cold or negligent, is a misstep in the writing.

We've agreed that Theoden is much more likable in the films, but there is an argument that in the films Theoden is also better written, or at the very least, the writers of the films did a better job at showing Theoden to be the man the narrative is telling us he is.

Imagine spending five years waiting hand and foot on a man, giving up your own dreams and ambitions, enduring the constant threat of rape, watching your loved ones suffer or ride away without you to peril and glory, having to be brave and strong at all times, knowing your service and sacrifices will never be sung of after your death, all this out of duty for a man you love and supposedly loves you, only for the man to miraculously recover, and for the first thing he says to you is to leave the room, and then he calls your brother the last of your house.

And then your brother wonders why you have a death wish.

[razorblade180]

I want to see Jaune and Ruby celebrate Christmas. Yes I know you said it’d hurt but I want it regardless.

No pun intended but Ruby was the gem at Arc Holiday celebrations; laughing and fitting right in. Jaune of course was already welcomed by Tai, Qrow, and Yang. Turns out family approval is pretty easy to gain when you’ve done nothing but fight alongside side your significant other to keep them alive. Big feasts family food secrets were plentiful.

After they got married things only got better. Ruby’s holiday spirit is pretty infectious and Jaune is romantic softy that only ever wanted the little moments like waking up beside her and spending hours in bed laughing and enjoying each other’s company. He always tried spoiling her and Ruby returned the favor. If her love was infinite, then he was a bottomless well. She never felt embarrassed about how grand or small her affection was. He’d want it regardless.

It was online after their first child did the holidays became sour. After all, it should’ve been three happy people, instead it was two devastated adults thinking about what could’ve been. Celebrating anything felt wrong and like a robbed experience. Not that Ruby was around or available during much of the grieving. Yang was a real saving grace during that time period, visiting Jaune and taking home to either Blake’s family or Tai’s house. She was the only person assertive yet gentle enough to make sure he wasn’t left alone under any circumstances.

After some long needed healing and being reunited, Jaune and Ruby once again were together during the holidays (and just in general) their friends always went to them or gave them great reasons to leave their house. Still, eventually they had to return home. Gift giving between them didn’t seem as swell of an idea for awhile. Even so, misery loved company, and both found a familiar yet different kind of warmth in simply holding each other as their lows hit.

Nothing remained miserable forever though. Christmas joy began to mean something again after they had their second child. The pain didn’t completely fade but having Carmine in their lives brought light again. The girl loved Christmas and jumpstarted Ruby’s festive cheer again which meant Jaune also got into the spirit again. By the time they had their third, Garnet, the couple got back into a groove. Celebrations were big again every member from every family was happy to see the two brightest of the group get their luster back.

Nowadays, everyone is pretty busy in the world. Hidden truths were uncovered and their little girl was now 17 with a more shaky relationship between her and Ruby, but despite their views on the matter of fighting for what’s right, neither ever lit it get in the way of Christmas or the little ones enjoyment of it. All and all, the family is alright. Maybe just like before, all that’s needed is a little time before grand celebrations return once again.