#grieving peter

[undertheredhood]

bruce 'tired single dad' wayne: *lecturing jason once again on something he did during a fight*

jason 'theatre kid extraodinare'' todd who immediately starts fake crying on the spot: do you just not love me anymore?

[skeleton-squid-boy]

ever think about twelve being so sick of losing people, especially losing people because of their belief in him as a hero, like amy. so he strips off that mask and shows how cold and calculating he is willing to be with lives and he chooses a face that shows his age and stops hiding his danger behind a charming smile or a bow tie. he does it as a kindness, so Clara knows what she's getting into. and she does. and she gets into it anyway. and it makes him even more desperate not to lose her. so he breaks all of his own rules, everything he stood for because just once he didn't want to have to lose someone. he went to the end of space and time the long way round, he beat death and he betrayed the home he spent his life searching for to try save her. for once he chose what he wanted, her, over the universe.

and after all that, all he managed to do was make it so she lost him instead.

[dontbelasagne]

desperately need to do a presentation on why the Twelfth Doctors journey perfectly represents the transfem experience

their previous eleventh incarnation being suave and hypersexual (i know moffat is mostly to blame but!) is reminiscent of attempts to fit into heteronormative ideals of masculinity. whilst it is not completely insincere, there are obvious signs this does not fit you as a person, it is acted out of desperate need to being seen. as Vastra put it, eleven wore that face, and subsequently that form of masculinity, to be accepted. on becoming twelve, realising even an "idealised" masculinity does not inherently serve them, they retreated into themselves as a person for self-reflection and trying to understand why they feel so detached from who they are.

the "am i a good man" arc mirrors being closeted and having to present as something not inherently tied to your sense of self, but still wanting to be the best of your perceived gender as any failure could leave you spiralling into self-doubt about simply being like any other "man". you ignore your gender dysphoria/questioning by trying to claim a moralistic view of gendered expression. made even more clear by Twelve rejecting Clara's heroic view of them, establishing that even though they have made efforts to be a "good man", that is just a placeholder for their loss of identity.

Missy appearing as she does, who as a character serves as a parallel to The Doctor on what they could become, and her eventual arc in trying to become good is symbolic of the fear around transition regret that internalised transphobia can create when you are closeted. Missy never gives importance to their fem existence other than nonchalant jokes, rather showing a more free and expressive personality devoid of any frustration. this immediately dismisses the transphobic assumption that trans people are only focused on their gender. also, Missy representing trans femininity is inherently tied to chaos and upsetting the status quo, she is the embodiment of what society considers accepting your womanhood as someone previously labelled masculine. what many others, and The Doctor themselves, saw as a need for attention and senseless disruption is Missy not needing to serve a false version of who they are, that they can now focus on becoming whoever they want to be now without losing energy to performing a gender that society has imposed on you. Missy could never have made the decision to stand with The Doctor if she had not given importance to her own queerness.

it wasn't coincidence with meeting Bill, she was the perfect foil for The Doctor to finally let go of their anxious attachment to masculinity. i would even argue for the majority of s10, The Doctor is largely ambiguous in their gender identity and does not fit into any construction of masculinity or femininity. whilst they still present as something socially labelled as masculine, they do not internalise that gender expression. they are uncaring about and not needing the validity that comes with heteronormativity, and thus is free to finally accept the decision they have to make. as Bill says, it is so hard to let go of The Doctor, and that rings true for twelve themselves. but they begin to realise The Doctor can be anyone. yes, they are tired, it would be so easy to simply rest and not give value to who you can become. but choosing to let go of everything you once were to survive is better than oblivion. it is better to let go, to choose another lifetime where the only person that dies is your falsity, to finally get it right and choose kindness. for yourself and for those who you love. they regenerate, not just into another person, but into someone who (if only tv scripts...) can now move forward.

[i-like-media]

sir?

[bluewlnteroses]

i just keep thinking about harley getting to know the truth about why peter is alone and finding out why people don't remember him and for a moment thinking he's glad he got to meet him after everything went down and immediately feel guilt and shame because its not fair peter went through so much pain and had to leave everyone he knew behind but,,,, just thinking about meeting each other before and getting to know peter and then completely forget him makes his feel sick

[donnatroyyyy]

I feel like Jason’s character is much more interesting when his dad was (as he originally was btw) a good dad that was just trying his best.

[lesbosoka]

someone please tell me to finish this insomniac parksborn fic it is 3700 words and has been sitting in my drafts for MONTHS

idk if it’s gonna happen though cause now i’m brain rotting about the new usm comics (earth 6160)

[thedailydescent]

The Great was one of those shows that could have great but in the end resorted to being merely good.

[fandomfits]

i think we miss a lot of content when we ignore Remus’ grief.

does he celebrate James’ birthday? does he go all out like James would’ve or does he settle for a cupcake? does he shut himself in a room and do nothing? did he celebrate his own birthday, it would’ve been a few months after the murder of Lily and James? even if dozens of came to his party, those people would never fill the gap his 5 friends left. does he hear of Regulus’ disappearance and think of Sirius, does he wish to reach out despite the betrayal? does he keep in contact with Peter’s mom?

grief has a tendency to sneak up on you, one day you’re okay but the next you’re clinging to memories that are fading. do you think Remus forgot? do you think he forgot the freckle under Peters eye? the direction Sirius parted his hair? the crooked direction of James’ nose? the last book he read with Lily? holding onto a memory can be like breaking your hand, after a while it still works just fine, but your grasp will never be quite right.

[ambivalentmarvel]

peter parker, peter b. parker, and miles morales—

should have known better - sufjan stevens // chicago - sufjan stevens

[neverenoughmarauders]

Continuing on my rant about how much more heart-breaking stories would be if we stuck to the canon characterisation…

Fanon Remus seems to barely care about James Potter. Fanon Remus is also excessively confident and popular. Fanon Remus I don’t think noticed Peter all that much (especially as Peter is rarely included). Fanon Remus is Sirius’ soulmate but it’s really Sirius worshipping him. Fanon Remus was close to all the marauders during the war.

Canon Remus adored James, as is evident from how Remus speaks about him. Canon Remus was the one to introduce the friendship between Peter and Sirius/James. Canon Remus worshipped both Sirius and James and could not stand up to them when he felt he ought to because he loved them so much and was afraid to lose their friendship. Canon Remus had no other close friends. Canon Remus might not have been very close to any of them during the war (the only - albeit very limited - evidence we have all point to Remus being more distant than say Peter).

Fanon Remus tend only to really grieve Sirius being sent to Azkaban / the loss of Sirius. Yes James and Lily are mentioned as a side note (so sad, they died) and Peter seem forgotten almost. The focus is on Sirius’ betrayal and how much Remus misses him.

Canon Remus would have been in hell in a far more all encompassing way:

He lost two of his best friends: Peter and James. He may have wondered whether Peter would have been alive had he not interfered and forced the friendship between James/Sirius and Peter. He may have wondered whether Peter could have survived had he and Peter gone after Sirius together.

His two best friends were betrayed (and murdered in Peter’s case) by his supposed third best friend. Yes, Remus was betrayed by the only best friend still to be alive, but I think what would cut just as deeply, if not more, would be the fact that Sirius betrayed them all. Remus doesn’t think overly highly of himself, but how could Sirius betray James and murder Peter?

The betrayal made no sense. Yes of course it wouldn’t for fanon Remus either: why would Sirius turn spy and betray Lily and James and Harry? But for canon Remus it would be so much worse. Remus worshipped Sirius, and then Sirius turned out to be evil? Remus worshipped James and Sirius got him killed. Remus felt protective of Peter and yet he had not been able to protect him from Sirius. Remus knew that Sirius and James were inseparable - or he thought he knew that. He had spent many years watching the two of them being the closest of friends, and then this happened? How could he have gotten the measure of someone so wrong? It would be like fanon Sirius getting fanon Remus killed and James trying to make sense of it. It makes no sense.

Remus was thrown into relative poverty. James was the one who financially took care of Remus, so when James died, Remus didn’t just lose his best friend, his financial circumstances also went to shits.

Remus may have wondered whether he was to blame. If Remus did pull away a bit during the war (which I would argue is the most probable given the little we know), he may have wondered whether he should have tried harder. If he had been closer to them, would he have been able to see Sirius’ change of heart. Could he have prevented the deaths of his best friends? Also should he have seen it from the start? The prank happened - did he and James and Peter take that too lightly.

What I’m trying to say is that whereas fanon Remus seems to be dealing primarily with grief for Sirius and longing for Sirius and feeling betrayed by Sirius, canon Remus would be dealing with far more hurt, far more confusion and far more guilt.

And then imagine how he would feel when he realised it was Peter… Peter who he had introduced to James and Sirius, Peter who they might not have chosen as secret keeper had Remus not been so withdrawn, Peter who would not have gotten away with it without being an animagus, Peter who did make so much more sense as a traitor because Sirius would never betray James (which Remus had known, so why hadn’t he questioned it more?!), Peter who had let Sirius suffer and who was still out to get Harry. Peter who had committed the unthinkable crime of separating Sirius and James, something that nothing but death could do, and which meant Remus rarely saw the laughing, handsome, carefree man he used to know. Peter who Remus had loved since he was a child, and grieved for twelve years while Sirius had been kept prisoner for something he didn’t do.

[undertheredhood]

jason accidentally trauma-dumps to this masked vigilante who he’s somehow immediately comfortable trusting while willis todd who is not dead and is very much still alive (but still hasn’t told his only living child yet) is internally screaming “WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY PRECIOUS BABY BOY?!?!?!?”

[expectiations]

Listen. I love your yowzah edits, and of course, you can edit whatever you want and whatnot, but if I may make a request, could you please, please, please edit something happy? I don't know how much more angst my heart can take 😭😭

I lay the blame on my editor friends who are quite fond of angsty doctorriver edits. I hereby declare myself in innocent 😇

anyways, it's a good thing adi posted this! happy doctorriver edit!!

I could write an essay laying out everything that was going on in the first scene. Nearly everyone hates the Doctor for the "You embarrass me" line but the problem is without context, it does seem cruel. And it is. But let's also consider the context, okay?

[my-insanity-is-an-artform]

Hold my Baby

(So this idea has been living in my head rent-free for months despite never actually sitting and watching the whole film. But in this house, we take canon out back and put it out of it's misery.)

So clearly in Across the Spiderverse, Peter B. Parker got nerfed a bit. This story is about Miles so Peter B. had to get at least a little nerfed.

How'd they nerf him? Give him a small baby he has to prioritise.

Another idea I kinda subscribe to is that Peter B. is mostly Comics-based Spider-man, the one we know best. So you could say Peter B. Parker is the most Spidey Spider-Man. Spider-Man Prime, so to speak.

So when he tells Miles to hold Mayday, Miles gives in. He holds Mayday.

Peter B. Parker is no longer holding the baby.

Peter B. Parker is no longer bound by the need to personally protect Mayday.

Peter B. Parker is real fucking sick of people chasing his kid and disparaging the best thing that ever happened to him.

Peter B. Parker is The Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man.

And it's time the Spider Society and Miguel O'Hara realised that.

[grqnticons]

please like if you use.

[professional-bulshitter]

just finished season 1 of penumbra podcast and TF YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE BETTER TO GO!!

genuinely want to bawl my eyes out and cry and rage about how these mfs are playing w my heart and trampling all over it 😭