#grief of a loved one

[pimsri]

I make art about grief again

[hymnoeides]

Oh, my son

rkgk tonight playing around with some brushes and texture ^^

[itsybitchylittlewitchy]

I love this so much 💚

Hold Me Steady

Word count: 7500

Warnings: Theme centered around depression, loss of a loved one, mentions of grief

This was based on a prompt by @bingo-writes asking for a reader who is dealing with depression. Please review the content warnings above - this is a little bit of a heavier fic, but it's fluff-themed overall. A lot of soft, pining Loki here.

I hope this is what you were hoping for my friend!

The moment you arrived in the tower it was clear you were unique.

When Tony had announced that his new assistant would be moving in to live in the tower alongside the heroes, Loki had scoffed at the idea. It was bad enough he had to share residence with the Avengers, and many of them were enhanced beings in some way. Add a plain, non-hero human into the mix, and he may as well just go live amongst the public. The nerve.

But you weren’t just some ordinary human. You were a breath of fresh air compared to most people Loki had to live with. Aside from the obvious – you didn’t look at him like as though he were a piece of gum stuck to your shoe, as many of the others did – you also had a fiery personality. He supposed it was part of the job description, being assistant to the most stubborn scientist-slash-billionaire in the universe. Even after you were off shift for the day, you were still quite the spitfire in casual settings too. Despite being one of the few female inhabitants, you were plenty capable of hanging with the guys while still enjoying a feminine outing with Nat and Wanda here and there. You were never boisterous and obnoxious as his brother often was, but you had this effortless way of working yourself into any conversation without being an annoyance. Quite possibly the most enticing quality about you was your sharp intellect – you frequently put the others in their place during their friendly bantering sessions, shutting them down with a sarcastic remark or a clever retort.

Yes, Loki thought – you were alright.

He found it difficult to fight the fact that he tended to gravitate toward you in social gatherings. You were simply so much more tolerable than the others. You could hold an intellectual conversation and still maintain that fierce sense of humor. So many evenings he found himself chatting with you, sharing stories of his life growing up on Asgard and receiving stories of your own childhood memories. He particularly enjoyed telling the stories that made you burst into bubbly laughter, the sound near music to his ears. On his worst days, he found himself purposely telling you the more amusing tales of his and his brother’s antics, knowing your laugh would lift his own spirits.

You were incredibly talented as well. On evenings that Tony worked late hours in the lab, you often prepared dinner for him, making a few extra plates for those who happened to be floating around the tower. Your cooking was exceptional. At first, Loki told himself he simply enjoyed your food more than the other Midgardian cuisine he’d sampled over the years in his time on Earth. But when you cooked a pot roast one evening to share with the team, he couldn’t deny that it outshined even some of the food he'd eaten on Asgard.

You were also quite the musician. The first time you’d carried your guitar out to the common room while the group was hanging around casually, he’d observed you curiously. Your delicate fingers strummed the strings of the instrument expertly, creating enchanting melodies that filled the room and hushed the senseless chatter of the others. It was a privilege to listen to you play, but on the rare occasions that you sang along, Loki found himself enraptured. Your voice was never loud, never boastful – usually just audible over the sound of your guitar. But the angelic tones were simply captivating. Loki appreciated that you were confident enough to share your musical gifts rather than hiding away in your room.

Over time, he found you’d become a central part of his day. He looked forward to waking up and meandering into the kitchen to find you making coffee in your pajamas. He treasured the late night conversations you had sitting on the roof of the tower as you both gazed up at the sky, or watched the traffic fly by through the glowing city streets below. You were a sounding board when he needed to complain about his brother, or about his distaste for residing with the band of heroes in general.

And then you disappeared.

It was an abrupt exit. One day, you were lounging around in the common room making jokes with the team, and the next, you were just… gone. For the first few days, Loki tried not to dwell on it too much. You’d never just take off forever without saying goodbye – that would be completely out of character, and he refused to believe you’d do such a thing. But as days turned into a week, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been wrong about you. So, as much as it pained him, he went to the one person he knew would know of your whereabouts.

Stark was somewhat startled to see the tall, lanky Asgardian enter through the door to the lab, hovering at an awkward distance while waiting for Tony to acknowledge him. When he finally did, he was even more surprised to learn the reason for Loki’s impromptu uninvited visit. With a somewhat concerned look, he informed Loki that you’d traveled home on short notice when you’d received news that your younger brother had fallen ill. Many of the others had already asked where you’d gone, but Loki wasn’t exactly a people person normally – he could tell Stark seemed suspicious that he was so interested in your wellbeing. Whether he knew the truth – that Loki had grown to care for you – or he simply thought the trickster was being a skeevy creep, he wasn’t certain. In any case, Stark assured Loki you’d said you’d return once your brother was well again.

But weeks turned into months, and still you were absent.

Loki was beginning to worry you’d never return. Surely your brother must be healed by now. Perhaps you’d decided you no longer wanted to be Stark’s assistant, and you’d decided to remain living at home. Your belongings were still in your room, however; clothes and books strewn about haphazardly as you’d often left it. If you’d truly left for good, you’d surely have returned to gather your possessions.

More than anything, he began to worry for you. Were you alright? Had you fallen ill as well? Had something terrible befallen you? Loki’s heart ached at the idea that anything like that could have occurred. You’d unwittingly become such a bright light in his world, and someone like that – someone who was willing to befriend such a monster, and yet still be so kind and vibrant – didn’t deserve even the mildest of misfortune.

Three months after you’d vanished, the team received word of your brother’s passing.

Loki’s heart shattered for you. How devastated you must be, losing a loved one so long before their time. He longed to be there for you, to hold you in his arms and bear the weight of your emotions. He’d stay awake with you all night if it would help you to grieve.

But you weren’t here, and he couldn’t go to you. How could he, if there was a chance that you just wanted to be alone with your family during this time?

Loki waited patiently for you to return after that. As the days wore on, he began to lose hope that he’d ever see you again. If he could only reach out to you, to hear your voice and know you were ok, he could rest easier at night. But Stark was adamant about keeping your contact information private – he assured everyone (especially Loki) that you’d return when you were ready.

Six months after the day you’d disappeared, you finally returned.

He had to actively restrain himself from leaping to his feet the moment you appeared in the doorway to the common room at Stark's side. The only reason he succeeded in doing so was the fact that you were smiling, greeting everyone warmly after so many months apart. Still, there was an unfamiliar look to your face. You appeared exhausted, weary beyond your years. He supposed you may simply be tired after making the long trip back to the tower from your hometown. He tried not to dwell on it, but vowed that he'd keep an eye on you over the coming days as you readjusted to life with the Avengers.

That first evening you'd returned, you sat down to dinner with the team. Normally you were a ball of energy, a central part of the conversations around the table. Tonight, you just seemed out of place – a puzzle piece with a broken edge that just didn’t nestle into it’s space the way it used to. There was a hollow look in your eyes as you wordlessly ate your meal, picking up your plate the moment you’d finished and disappearing into the kitchen to clean up. Loki saw your back retreating down the hallway toward your room when he stood minutes later to clear his own plate. He heard a distant door thump shut, followed by an eerie silence in the hall where you’d stood.

The days that followed weren’t much better. When you weren’t working with Stark to get his life organized, you spent the majority of your time hidden away in your bedroom. It became few and far between that Loki would see you at mealtimes, and when you did grace the team with your presence, you barely said two words during the entire meal.

Days progressed to weeks, and still you were so withdrawn. You’d stopped cooking, except for those nights when Tony specifically requested it. Even then, you didn’t make the comforting dishes you used to cook. Loki never saw you come out to the common room with your guitar any longer. He wasn’t even sure that you played in private, realizing he never heard the strumming tunes through your bedroom door when he happened to pass by.

Those late-night conversations he’d grown to love were no longer. On days that Loki felt the strain of being around his infuriatingly upbeat brother for too long, he couldn’t bring himself to reach out to you as he once did. You were clearly still dealing with your own emotions, and he couldn’t bear to burden you with his own, lest you collapse under the weight of it all. He’d never thought of you as fragile before you’d left. Now, you were only a shell of the person you once were, a ghost of the vibrant girl Loki had begun to fall for. He missed that girl. Norns, he missed that laugh, that smile.

After over a month of watching you recede further and further into yourself, in a moment of weakness, Loki couldn’t stop himself from knocking on your bedroom door one afternoon. He heard shuffling on the other side of the door before it swung open, revealing you on the other side. You offered him a weak smile, tilting your head in confusion to ask what he needed.

“Might I come in?” he asked gently. Furrowing your brow, you nodded, stepping aside so he could step into your room. You closed the door behind you before returning to your bed, taking a seat on the edge and scooting back to lean against the wall.

“What’s going on, Loki?”

The haunted look in your eyes only served to twist the dagger further into Loki’s heart. He ached for you, desperate to find some way to bring back the vivacious, brilliant girl you once had been. But he couldn’t help if he didn’t know what was truly wrong. His mouth felt dry as he forced himself to ask the question he’d been so eager to ask since the moment you came back.

“Are you alright?”

The corner of your mouth turned upward in a poor attempt to smile as you began to nod. Slowly, the darkness clouded over your face, and you stopped nodding your head. Your eyes met Loki’s, shimmering with tears that threatened to dampen the soft skin of your cheeks.

“No.”

Your chin tilted down toward your lap, a few thin streams of salty tears spilling over despite your attempt to blink them away. A quiet sob wracked your body, shoulders shaking with shuddering breaths. Without thinking about the implications, Loki sat down beside you on the bed and slid an arm around your shoulders. At the feeling of his touch, you practically melted into his side, burying your face in his chest and allowing the sobs to overtake you. His heart was tearing inside of him, devastated that you'd been feeling so much pain and yet you'd born it all alone for these last few months. He'd lay down his life if only to take the pain away. For now, he'd have to settle for simply holding you while you released the emotions you'd pent up inside of you for so long.

Loki was patient, holding you silently in his arms until you began to pull away a bit. Your face was stained with tears, eyes puffy and nose damp, but at least you were no longer crying. He saw your jaw tense as you looked away, realizing that you'd allowed him to see you in such a low, weak state.

"Sorry. I'm a mess."

"Don't apologize. Please." He allowed you to pull away from his embrace, feeling a sense of loss the moment his arms were no longer encasing you close to his chest. "What is it that troubles you?"

"I'm not sure how to explain..." you mumbled, wiping your face with the heel of your hand. With a flick of his wrist, Loki conjured a box of tissues for you and pressed it silently into your lap. You chuckled a little at that. "Thanks." You tugged a tissue out of the box, dabbing the corners of your eyes to dry them as you took a deep, steadying breath. "It's just... ever since my brother... died... it's like a darkness just flooded inside of me."

"You must miss him terribly," Loki acknowledged gently.

"I do, of course. But this feeling... I've experienced grief in my life before, and this isn't it. Grief hits in waves. It comes and goes when a memory hits particularly hard, or an activity as simple as baking cookies triggers a pang of sadness. But this... it's constant. I just feel so... tired, and... sad, and... I don't know. I spend so much of my day just lying here because I can't convince myself to get up and do something. The idea of it just exhausts me. Even the things I used to love to do." You let out a slow breath. "I hate feeling this way."

Loki listened intently, never once interjecting to provide his own thoughts. You needed to talk, and he needed to listen. When you'd finally paused for longer than a moment, he spoke. "What can I do?"

You looked up at him with watery eyes, a sad smile crossing your face. "I don't think there's anything anyone can do. I have to fight these demons myself." Chuckling to yourself, you looked down to your hands wrung in your lap. "My therapist keeps telling me to break the cycle, to force myself to get out and do things, to break this routine of lying around in bed and feeling numb. She says it gets easier every time. But I just can't convince myself to do it."

"Then let me assist you."

Your eyes darted up to meet Loki's again, a bewildered look on your face. "What do you mean?"

"You said you need convincing. And I happen to be quite persistent. Let me help give you a reason to leave this prison you've locked yourself in every once in a while." He gazed at you hopefully, trying to convey the honesty in his offer in his expression. Your eyes softened a bit as you realized he was being genuine.

"Well... I suppose it can't hurt. And my therapist will be happy to hear someone's looking after me."

"Then it's settled. I'll hold you accountable for following your therapist's recommendations. We'll do it together." Loki's heart swelled as you smiled at him in silent thanks, reaching over and grasping his hand to give it a squeeze. "What would you like to do first?"

"How about you choose? The thought of doing anything besides lying here just isn't appealing to me."

"Then I shall take you for a walk through the city tomorrow morning. And I won't take no for an answer." He rose to his feet, turning to face you. "I shall stop by tomorrow around nine. Don't forget to dress warmly for the weather - it's quite cold outside for you frail mortals."

You cracked a genuine smile at his jest, although it was much weaker than the bright smiles you used to have. "Sorry I don't have the blood of a frost giant coursing through my veins."

"Ouch. That was cold, darling."

You chuckled at his awful wordplay, shaking your head. He turned and exited your room, then; telling himself over and over in his head that he'd return for you in the morning to will himself to leave.

Loki kept his promise, arriving at your door at nine on the dot. He heard you shout a muffled 'come in' and opened the door to find you still lying under the covers. Brow furrowed, he approached the side of your bed and sat down on the edge, resting a firm hand on your shoulder.

"Are you feeling ill?"

"No... Loki, can we do this tomorrow? I'm not ready to get out and about today. I'm just exhausted."

"I told you yesterday, I won't take no for an answer. Come. I'll find you something warm to wear." Loki busied himself skimming through your closet, finding a warm jacket and returning to your bedside to hand it to you. You'd sat up at least, though you'd made little progress in actually getting out of bed.

"I'm still in my pajamas."

"Then tell me where you keep your casual clothing." Reluctantly, you directed him to the second drawer down in your dresser, and he removed a pair of jeans and tossed them on the bedspread. "There, now. Go change - I'll wait right here for you."

Grumbling a bit, you slowly turned to dangle your legs over the edge of the bed, shivering as your bare feet met the chill of the hardwood floor. You grabbed the pair of jeans and the jacket and shuffled into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. Loki was pleased to hear the sink water running, followed by the scratching sound of your toothbrush. At least he'd succeeded in convincing you to get ready.

Moments later, you reappeared wearing the pair of jeans, zipping the jacket up over your oversized pajama T-shirt. You pulled out a pair of socks from your drawer yourself, putting them and your sneakers on your feet before straightening yourself to look at Loki.

"Alright. Let's get this over with."

"Darling - had I known you dreaded my company so much, I wouldn't have forced myself upon you."

"That's not - ugh, you jerk," you groaned, a grin tugging at your lips when you realized he was only teasing. Loki offered you his arm, which you took after a moment's hesitation. He led you out of your bedroom and through the tower to the lobby, exiting through the front door into the cold winter air.

The streets were bustling with activity, going into the holiday season. Crowds flocked the sidewalks and filed in and out of the department stores and shops. Traffic crawled slower than usual along the busy streets, constantly pausing for crossing pedestrians or simply to view the Christmas decorations while the line of cars behind slammed on their horns. The sky was overcast, the stale threat of snow looming in the air. Normally Loki didn't much like wandering the streets of New York this time of year, but he was more than willing to subject himself to the unruly crowds if it meant getting you out and about.

"Would you prefer to go into some of the stores, or would you rather just wander the city?" Loki asked.

"Mm... let's just walk around. I'm not up to socializing."

"Fair enough." He led you across a crosswalk, turning to head down one of the less crowded streets.

The bounce you normally had in your step was absent today, your shoes dragging slowly along the concrete beneath your feet. Loki slowed down to match your pace, not wanting to rush you. A solid portion of your weight leaned against Loki's arm, but he didn't mind - he'd carry you if only it meant you were making one step toward feeling better.

"Can we head back?" you asked a few blocks down.

"If you insist, then yes. I've succeeded in getting you out of the house." Loki paused, making a 180 to return the way you came. "I know you don't want to socialize, but would it help if I talked? I could tell you stories of Asgard."

"Maybe... it's worth a try," you agreed hesitantly.

And so he did. He recalled tales of his childhood, falling back into his old habits. Stories of growing up in the palace of Asgard, of his antics with his boisterous older brother. The longer he spoke, the less you seemed to lean on him. The scuffling sound of your feet against the sidewalk faded as you gained a little perk in your step, albeit small. It lifted some of the heaviness off Loki's chest.

When you'd reached the tower again, Loki began to lead you back inside. You stopped him, tilting your head toward the street.

"Why don't we do one more short lap around the block?" you suggested earnestly. Loki smiled, redirecting you in the direction you'd requested.

And so, the pair of you fell into a routine. Loki came to your door each morning at the same time, insisting you get yourself out of bed and accompany him for a walk around the city. As the days passed, it became less cumbersome to convince you to join him. Your walks became longer, and you stopped asking to turn around and go back, knowing he would eventually lead you home.

The morning that he arrived at your door, knocking only to find you already standing on the other side dressed and ready, he could have kissed you he was so happy. Your eyes were beginning to regain that brightness they once bore, and you weren't so hollow-appearing as you were the day you arrived back at the tower. Loki knew very well he was not the sole reason for your improved mood - you'd told him on many mornings that you were still attending therapy and working through your depression. He didn't care. The only thing that mattered to him was you were slowly becoming the girl he'd been missing so much these many months. You were feeling better.

One morning, the pair of you passed by a small café on your walk. It was you who'd suggested stopping inside and grabbing a bite to eat. Who was Loki to deny you that? So, he accompanied you for breakfast and coffee, enjoying the view as he sat across the table and watched you reacting to his stories. There was more animation in your facial expressions, a brightness to your smile and a sparkle in your eyes. He even succeeded in making you laugh a couple of times. Norns, he hadn't realized how desperately he'd missed that melodic sound. It was weaker than the bubbly laugh he once knew, but it was more than he could possibly ask for.

You began suggesting other activities besides your daily walks, feeling more open to getting out and about. Loki took you Christmas shopping one day, wandering the aisles of the department stores and smaller shops while you selected gifts for your family from the shelves. Another day, you asked to visit the museum for the afternoon. You strolled by Loki's side, hand linked through his arm as you often did, viewing the many paintings and sculptures the museum had to offer.

Slowly, you began to rejoin the team's social gatherings. You stuck to simple movie nights at first, where you could sit and be present with your friends without the pressure of having to engage in conversation. Loki was pleased to find you always sought a seat beside him, that he could be your source of comfort as you made these difficult steps forward. You eased yourself back into the team, finding your place in the puzzle. At first, it was only small, inconsequential conversations that you were willing to sit through, but over time you began to socialize and converse for longer periods with the others. The fire inside you was beginning to catch once again - you surprised everyone from time to time with a witty retort or a teasing remark. They stopped being so gentle with you, because you didn't want to be treated as fragile. You still weren't completely back to the person you once were, and maybe you never would be. But you were present, and you would smile and laugh, and you would chatter normally with the team. That was enough for Loki - knowing you were feeling better.

Loki was surprised to find you alone in the common room one evening standing by the bare Christmas tree. There were piles of ornaments and lights and garland strewn about on the furniture and floor, and you held a strand of lights in your two hands as you carefully draped it over the branches.

"I may not be well versed in Midgardian traditions, but I thought decorating the Christmas tree was supposed to be done with others," Loki noted, striding over to join you. You turned and smiled warmly at your companion.

"Well, the others have been so busy with missions and such, I thought I'd get it decorated to surprise everyone." You held out the end of the strand of lights toward him. "You're welcome to help, if you want."

"I can't say that I know what I'm doing, but I will certainly try."

You guided him on the best method for wrapping the lights around the tree, stepping around the back to take the strand from him and continue hanging it on the other side. The pair of you finished hanging the lights, and you plugged the end in immediately to observe the warm, white glow emanating through the branches.

Loki watched in enamored amusement as you observed the tree from top to bottom, your tongue protruding slightly out of the corner of your mouth as you pondered. You stepped forward and adjusted one of the middle strands a bit, stepping back to admire your work once again.

"I hadn't realized there was such a science to this process," he teased.

"Oh, I will not allow a tree to be decorated to anything less than perfection," you responded proudly. "My family always thought I was crazy, but then they saw the end result and always admitted that I was right for being so particular. My brother..." Your voice trailed off, a pained look crossing your face. Loki set his hand on your shoulder to help ground you.

"You must miss him this time of year."

"I do." You took a slow, shuddering breath. "But... he wouldn't want me to be sad. It would break his heart if he knew how dark my world became for so long after he passed."

"I think you're quite right. He would want you to be happy."

"Yeah." You turned to look at Loki, a slight shimmer in your eyes from tears that never quite spilled over. "He'd have loved you. He would be so happy to know I had someone like you looking after me. I don't know if I ever said this, but... thank you. For not giving up on me."

Loki frowned, his brow furrowed. "I could never give up on you. I lo... I... care about you." Trying to recover from his near slip of the tongue, he grinned. "Besides, who else would challenge me and banter with me the way you do?"

"Nobody, I suppose." With a smirk, you added, "None of the others can tolerate you long enough to banter with you."

"Oh-ho, a bit of bite to you today, I see," Loki chuckled.

"I may look harmless, but I can be deadly," you quipped, your grin widening. "Alright, enough chit-chat - grab one of those strands of garland, will you?"

"Yes, madam," he replied facetiously, following your directions.

The pair of you conversed and laughed as you carefully hung the garland and ornaments on the tree. You frequently scolded Loki for placing two ornaments too close together, hurrying over to adjust them before he 'ruined the aesthetic.' He began to do it on purpose when he realized he was getting such a rise out of you, occasionally hanging two on the same branch while your back was turned. Your eyes were sharp, and you noticed almost immediately when you'd turned around, quickly rectifying his heinous error and lecturing him once again. It was the most like your normal self he'd seen you in so many months. Perhaps he was acting a bit more irritating than usual, just to keep you in this wonderfully feisty mood you were in.

Once you'd adjusted all of Loki's decorating to your heart's content, you stood back to admire the work you'd done. You pressed a finger to your chin as you scrutinized every branch. Loki waited patiently for your verdict.

"Yes, this is good. We can add the star on top now."

"Oh, wonderful. I'm pleased that my decorating work has lived up to your standards."

You turned to grin at him. "Oh, your decorating was atrocious. I just fixed it all."

"Ouch. You wound me, darling." Loki watched as you picked up the tree topper out of its box, turning to stand beside the tree on your tip toes while you reached for the uppermost branch.

"Hmmph... I can't quite... I'm not tall enough. Get me a stool, will you?"

"How about this?" Loki snuck up behind you and grabbed you around the waist, lifting you off the ground. You shrieked, your arm whipping down to your side instead of placing the star on top of the tree. He was confused only for a moment, before quickly realizing what had led to your sudden reaction. To confirm, he contracted his fingertips into your sides where his hands rested just once, watching you buckle under his touch.

"Loki! Puhut me down!" you demanded.

"Why, certainly, darling." He set your feet down on the floor, immediately slipping his hands around your waist and pulling you back against his chest so he could dig his fingers into your sides with more intent.

"Psshhaha shihit Loki!" you spluttered, lamenting the fact he'd discovered this little fact about you.

"How delightful this is," Loki teased you, wrapping one arm tighter around your waist to get a better hold so he could claw at your belly with the other. He was pleased to hear your radiant laughter pitch up, accompanied by a squeak each time his fingers swept over the skin above your navel. He refocused all efforts there, increasing the pace as he scratched into the fabric of your shirt over the sensitive spot. "If only I'd known you were ticklish sooner, I'd have used this to silence your scolding."

"Hehey!! Yohou - ahah - you knew yohou were screwing uhup the ornaments!"

"Are you insinuating I'd ruin your decorating on purpose?" He squeezed the thumb of his other hand into your hip where it rested, and you twisted harshly away from his touch. Chuckling, he brought his other hand down to your opposite hip to torment both simultaneously.

"HAH... yehehes I AM!"

You stubborn thing.

"It's unwise to antagonize me in such a precarious position," he warned, pressing his thumbs harder into your hipbones. You grasped at his hands with your free one, the tree topper still grasped tightly in your other hand.

"L-Loki! Ihif I drop this ahand breheak it, I'm SOHOHO telling Tony it was yohour fault!!"

Loki paused in his attack, feeling your muscles relax underneath his forearms as you caught your breath. He held you tight to his chest with one arm looped around the smallest part of your waist, reaching for the star with his free hand. When you realized what he was doing, you jerked it out of his reach, holding it as far out in front of you as possible.

"Uh-uh! This is my only protection against your full-blown torment - I'm not losing my leverage!"

"I had no intentions to exert 'full-blown torment' on you, as you call it, but since you've suggested it..." He lunged forward to lean around your body and reach out for the tree topper, pinching at your ribs underneath your outstretched arm with the hand around your waist. You barked out a laugh, your arm shaking as you tried so desperately to ignore your instincts to slam it down to protect your side.

"Noho way!! Now yohou're DEFINITELY nohot taking this from mehe!"

"Oh, I'll get it from you, make no mistake about that," Loki hummed, lowering his head so his lips were just by your ear. He allowed his fingers at your ribs to crawl higher, amused to the core at how your fight to keep the tree topper out of his reach slowly faltered the higher his fingers traveled. With a smirk, he suddenly skipped over four or five ribs to shoot his hand up to the soft space under your arm, scratching with two fingers. You shrieked in surprise, arm naturally clamping down against your side to block his tickling fingers.

"NOHO!" You tried holding tightly to the bottom of the tree topper as Loki's fingers closed around the other side. He tugged gently, not wanting to break it and earn himself a scolding from the hot-tempered billionaire. Instead, he rapidly dug his fingertips into your highest ribs, successfully getting you to weaken your grasp from ticklish laughter enough for him to remove the ornament from your hand.

"There we are." He stilled his fingers as he looked around, suddenly dragging you backward a bit with him so he could set the tree topper down safely on the coffee table. Once it was safely set down, he returned his full attention to you, currently squirming to escape his hold. “Now then - where were we?”

“You were about to go get me a stool so I can put up the tree topper.”

“Mm, no, that wasn’t it. Ah, I remember. I was about to inflict ‘full-blown torment’ on you, as you so kindly requested.”

“What?! I did NOT-TAHAHAH HEHEHEY NOHO FAIR!!” Loki cut you off mid protest with a well-placed kneading of your ribs on the previously neglected side, his other fingers renewing their efforts to tickle underneath your arm.

“I think this is quite fair after all your incessant chastising of my decorating skills.” The resounding laughter he was pulling from you in these two spots was endearing, intoxicating, even. After so many months, he’d sorely missed the sound. Having an excuse to wrap you up in his arms... well, he certainly wasn't complaining about that.

"Thehen... MAHAYBE you should WOHORK on the-HEM!!"

Loki feigned a gasp of offense, digging deeper into the crevices between your ribs where you seemed to be exceedingly ticklish. He forewent his efforts underneath your other arm, methodically pinching and scratching his way along your ribs on the other side to seek out more weak spots that would elicit those beautiful giggles of yours. Your hands shoved and swatted feebly at his, your strength slowly ebbing away from the exertion of your laughter.

"Regretting your insolence yet, darling?"

"Is - HA - ihis thihis what you call fuHULL blown t-TORMehent?"

Loki relented for a moment, leaning over your shoulder to look at your face in surprise. He was met with a truly wonderful sight - your face was rosy, nose wrinkled and cheeks elevated from the giant, ticklish smile on your face. It had been far too long since he'd seen you looking this at ease, too many months without that gorgeous smile in his life. How fortunate he was to have you back.

Still, your surprising resilience warranted addressing, and most certainly more teasing. Clearly you were enjoying this as much as he was if you were this brazen as to continue to poke the bear when you were at an obvious disadvantage.

"Are you honestly challenging me? Do you truly want to know no mercy?"

"That's not what I..."

"Oh it's far too late to take it back, darling. I'm not one to back down from a challenge. You, of all people, should be aware of this."

With that, he tackled you to the ground, careful to keep your landing soft. Before you could attempt to flee, he resumed his ticklish onslaught, scribbling randomly up and down both sides. You screeched and tried to curl in on yourself, but he expertly evaded your knees and hands, slipping past your defenses to claw at your belly and pinch at the fronts of your ribs.

"How's this for 'full-blown torment' hmm? Is this sufficient for you?" Loki much preferred this angle - he could see your face now as your eyes scrunched closed and an impossibly wide, toothy grin spread across your face.

"I-hi... I've seen WOHORSE!"

He tutted at you. "Foolish girl. It's as though you're asking for me to tickle you." Noticing the way your knees were bent to protect your stomach, he grabbed hold of both ankles to straighten them out with the intent of pinning them down out of his way. The sudden wide-eyed look you gave him when his fingers closed around your ankles gave him another idea. "Oh-ho! What do we have here?"

"L-Loki, w-wait," you began to plead, "I'm sorry, your torment was plenty sufficient..."

"Ahh... where's that bite in you now, little tiger?" Loki let out a deep, rumbling laugh intended to further unnerve you. "You suddenly sound nervous. Why is that?"

“Wh-what? I’m not nervous,” you insisted, folding your arms defiantly across your chest.

“Really? It seemed as though you were worried I might tickle your feet.”

Your face flushed at his words, a nervous giggle escaping your lips. You clearly weren't upset about the circumstances, given you hadn't really tried to pull away. But he was deathly curious now, given how much sass you'd been dishing out up until this point.

Still, you were trying to throw him off your trail, despite the fact that your face had already betrayed you. "Pshh, I don't know what you mean, Loki. I'm not worried about that."

"Then you won't mind if I go through with it then?"

"N-nope."

His eyes never left yours, smirking wickedly as he forced a slight bend into your knees so he could trap your ankles in the crook of his elbow. He knew you couldn't see past his arm to know where his free hand was, and based on the anxious grin on your face, it was making you quite nervous.

"Your face betrays you, darling. You may as well admit this is your weak spot."

You gasped indignantly, opening your mouth to argue with him. At that same moment, he sneakily brought his fingers down against the bottoms of your feet, fluttering along the length of your soles just once. Even that made you shriek and giggle, jerking your legs sharply.

"Ohokay! You're right, I admit it!" you pleaded, still giggling hysterically at just the sensation of his fingertips resting on your foot.

"You seem to be under the impression that your admission is going to stop me." He was having far too much fun teasing you now, making you anxious with anticipation. You suddenly made your eyes go all soft and wide, your bottom lip protruding ever so slightly as you fought to wipe the grin off your face in favor of a pouting frown. Loki laughed heartily at your expression. "Dear girl, are you trying to guilt me into releasing you? It won't work."

You scoffed. "Well it was worth a tr-AHAHAH LOHOHOKI!!" He suddenly started scratching rapidly at the bottom of your feet, and you burst into immediate hysterics. Throwing your head back, you gave a few solid tugs against his hold before going limp and simply accepting your ticklish fate. With a bit of experimenting, Loki discovered a spot right along the outer edges of your feet, laughing evilly as he scratched with just two fingers along the spot that had you writhing.

When you tapped your palm on the floor in defeat, he skittered his fingertips one last time up the length of your feet before releasing your ankles. Loki chuckled warmly as you pulled your feet in close to your body, wrapping your arms around your knees as the last of your giggles escaped your lips. Your hair was tousled a bit from your struggle, shirt wrinkled slightly, but that smile still hadn't faded from your face.

You coughed a bit as you caught your breath, finally glancing up at Loki through eyes blurred with tears, not of sadness but of mirth. "Gohods, Loki... I haven't laughed like that in such a long time."

"I missed your laugh." The words had tumbled out of his mouth before he'd even thought about the implications. You didn't seem to react to his slip - at least, not negatively.

"I missed it too. It feels good to laugh again."

"Am I hearing you giving me explicit permission to tickle you whenever you seem to need a laugh?" Loki asked facetiously. You tensed your arms around your legs at the suggestion, eyes widening.

"Noho!" you exclaimed nervously. Then, your face morphed from a nervous expression to a new one, one Loki rarely had seen on your face - you looked a bit sheepish. "Well... it wasn't all that bad, I guess."

He grinned, rising from the floor and offering you a hand up. You grasped his hand, sending sparks up Loki's arm as your skin touched his own. As he pulled you to your feet, he winked at you cheekily. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

"Wha- I don't... that's not..."

"You seem flustered, darling."

"Shut up, you." You narrowed your eyes playfully, a slight grin tugging at your lips. Turning around, you picked up the tree topper from the table where Loki had placed it in your scuffle. "Do you think you can lift me up there without tickling me this time? Or do I need to go get a stool myself."

"I'll be careful," Loki promised.

You resumed your position in front of the Christmas tree, and Loki stepped up behind you. Firmly, he placed both hands on either side of your waist, taking care not to dig his fingers into your sides as he hoisted you up off the floor. His heart swelled as you giggled, not from ticklishness but from the simple action of Loki lifting you off the ground.

"Alright - hold me steady." With a flourish, you placed the star on top of the tree, straightening it before nodding to Loki to let you down. Feet planted firmly on the ground, you gazed up at the tree to admire all your hard work. "Beautiful. It's perfect in every way, don't you think?"

You turned to look at Loki, beaming with pride. As you gazed at him, and he gazed at you, you slowly began to adopt that sheepish look on your face once again. This time, though, Loki felt his own face begin to warm as he mirrored your sheepish look.

"Uh... thanks for helping me with this. It was... a lot more fun with you here," you thanked him shyly.

"It was my pleasure."

The pair of you fell silent for a few moments, the air heavy with things unsaid. You opened your mouth once or twice as though to speak, but you immediately closed it once again with a nervous scrunching of your eyes. Seeing how conflicted you appeared, Loki reached over and grabbed your hand in his.

"What is it, darling?"

"It's... well, it's just been a really long time since I felt any sort of happiness. Like, my mind has been clouded with this tumultuous sadness for so many months. But with you... I guess you've just keep me grounded in all this. And... I'm happier when I'm around you."

With a smile, Loki stepped forward and wrapped you up in his arms in a tight embrace. Your arms looped around his waist, your face pressing into his shoulder as he cradled the back of your head gently against his body.

You'd experienced such turmoil in your life. But if he had his way, Loki would always be there to keep you grounded, to hold you steady through the storms life brought your way.

[swordmaid]

back to the shadows 🌑

inspired by the storm by pierre auguste cot, shri’iia and astarion running away from the sun bc he’s a vampire and she has sunlight sensitivity.

please zoom in to see the details! 🥹🫶

[bonetrousledbones]

fuck it since my birthday is in like one day i'm gonna use my birthday wish to tell y'all to look at the shit going on in southern Appalachia right now after Hurricane Helene. look at it and talk about it and spread resources about it like wildfire because nobody else fucking is and it feels like we're on our own out here.

there are people who are stranded in hazardous areas that are still safer than trying to leave by driving on the increasingly hazardous roads. i'm personally going into my third day without electricity at this point, and haven't been able to get any gas for a generator to even keep our fridge working. there are very few places with power or running water, and cell service has just barely been restored in the last hour. ground crews are working hard to repair things, but there are many, many areas that are entirely inaccessible that may not receive these fixes for several more days if not weeks. i'm afraid my own neighborhood might become one of those areas if repairs don't get to us soon, and since we're much more rural i have a difficult time trying to be optimistic about it.

we're very far inland. i guarantee you damn near everybody here was expecting a little more rain and wind like we usually get during hurricane season, if they even heard about the hurricane beforehand in the first place since most people only got about a twelve hour notice before landfall- after several major areas had already been flooded. our terrain protects us from most major weather events- most locals have never encountered a single tornado or legitimate tornado warning in our entire lives. nobody i've talked to or heard from about it seems to have had any idea that it would be this bad. everybody's wishing that they took it more seriously, but we've never, ever had to before. i've seen people comparing it to Hurricane Katrina and honestly i'm not sure if that's all too inaccurate. today while looking for a single working gas station i drove by a military helicopter parked in front of the elementary school i went to when i was little.

please for the love of god, talk about us. talk about the good memories you had here or the beauty of our mountains, and talk about how devastated we are as we watch historic structures, buildings, and entire towns get wiped from the face of the earth like they were never even there. stop dismissing us as uneducated hicks and rednecks and hilllbillies and fucking help us.

r/Asheville resource/updates megathread (Asheville is the largest city in western North Carolina)

How to set up disaster roaming for cell service

WLOS Live updates

Duke Energy power outage map

WNC Landslide Map

Hotels accepting locals

Emergency shelter locations

I live in western North Carolina so all of my own resources are centered around that. If anybody from the other impacted areas has additional sources they'd like to add, please don't hesitate to do so.

[sapsolace]

obsessed w these boneheads as of late :]

[that1notetaker]

Au where neither of them are gods. The lamb dies first over slow poison, and Narinder fights for Death's title so they can meet again. Funny thing is that The lamb has been fighting for the Life's Title from beyond the veil with the same intention, unknowingly making it so they physically cannot be in each other's presence. They still find ways to make it work out by the end.

[hercarisntyours]

transformers go go is reviving me after transformers one tore my heart to shreds, taped it back together, put it in a kiln and threw it off a cliff where those pieces then get destroyed by corrosion and smashed into by a blind shark, WHY ARE THESE SO SOUL SUCKINGLY CUTE

[somnimagus]

My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.

[id in alt text]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji goes to Lotus Pier (No relation to the AU of the same name)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[stil-lindigo]

motherhood.

[petricorah]

scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]

[benevolenterrancy]

He'd just finished speaking when Mobei-Jun sent Shang Qinghua flying forward with a kick. And he really did go flying... flying... flying... [...] he tumbled and skidded as he went flying into the hole, to "investigate and ascertain the situation". After a long, dead silence, a terrified scream suddenly exploded from within the cave.

The absolute business-like manner with which Mobei-Jun decided to "volunteer" Shang Qinghua nearly killd me, the visuals of this scene are unparalleled

[each-uisge-enthusiast]

the modern villainisation of demeter will never cease to enrage me bc it wasn’t ENOUGH to just take a story of a girl being torn from her home from everyone who loved her and dragged away to be forced into marriage and twist and corrupt it until it was a romance story about female empowerment that wasn’t ENOUGH they HAD to take the original hero of the story the mother who went to every length to find her daughter again to bring her home and demonise her character until she was this horrific overbearing unloving mother. overprotective controlling without love. they turn the story of her grief at her YOUNG daughter being torn from her without her knowledge into the story of a misunderstood bad boy and a horrible cruel mother who won’t give him a chance and i really find it sickening. it’s ironic, that the ever misogynist age of hellenistic greece, has a better grasp of how disgusting and horrifying this situation was that a modern, self proclaimed ‘feminist’ era.

[aishespoeticmuse]

the love i had for you was achingly raw. you couldn't have chewed on it with your deciduous teeth.

[youstillsaiditsname]

i think i loved you, but i guess i'll never really know

joan tierney / death cab for cutie / sylvie baumgartel / the crane wives / @araekni / khalid hosseini / lev st valentine / wendy cope / richard siken (reordered)