#great white shark vs other sharks

[mehiwilldoitlater]

If I may request a law headcanoen please, the reader is a witch who's style of magic is the same as star vs the forest of evil, now imagine this on the thousnd sunny dock yn finds law having a nightmare wakes them up and makes him tea he says nothing the first night second night yn offeres some help with a spell they summon a white fluffy cloud and a silent zone for him to sleep promising that no one will know soon this becomes thier thing and soon they have little chats about randome stuff even in the day with law bringing random medical informations just to have a chat with her or being a nerd about her magic and asking her questions.........UNTILL after a battle yn can't use her magic because she is burnet out so law completly understands and in a moment of honest mutual care she softly guads his head towards her (shoulder or lap) to help him sleep and nami and robin are like (we keeping an eye on you mr) .

Also can they please have an age gap like yn is 21 20 23 and law is 27.

Thank you!

"It seems you're having fun!"

One of Robin's hands was holding, at the same moment, a small creature while she was smiling. It seems like a dolphin, yet it reminded me more of a ball than an actual cetacean, not to mention that it was colored in a flashy pink, and its eyes were... they remind her more of some kind of jewel, but she wasn't sure.

"We're not Robin! We're practicing with magic and kicking butt!"

"Yes! My spells can always improve, you know?"

Finding someone that could match Luffy's energy was always some kind of challenge, but Y/N came out more like one of her spells—in some chaos, wonder, and fun.

She was one of a kind, even on her own island: a fall island full of witches and wizards, people devoted to the sacred art of magic, and her, who just loved making laser raimbows, well-dressed frog darts, and marshmellow sharks. By saving her island, she proved that her own magic was special on its own and that she could have a small spot on the Thousand Sunny alongside her new friends.

Noticing a certain hat, the young witch started to wave happily.

"Law! Laaaaw! Wanna see a new trick? Do you want to?"

The medic was coming on that moment from a small chat with Chopper, sighing from the childish behavior of the girl. 

A few weeks prior, the captain of the Heart Pirates was once again under the Straw Hat Pirates assistance, and he never imagined that he would meet an actual witch. He knew that, with Luffy, everything was possible, but meeting someone like that girl was quite unexpected.

She was hard to describe. She was similar in personality to her captain, but never so chaotic like him. And she was so childish, immature, and loud. 

"I don't want to see another of your tricks."

".....Okay! I can still show you later when-"

She clasped her hand on her mouth just as Law darted some glaring eyes towards the girl. This strange exchange between the two caught the attention of the other two, especially the captain's.

".....When what? Don't tell me that Law knows more of your spells than me!"

"Nonono! It's...nothing!"

"Suspicious!"

"No, it's not!"

Robin's eyes glanced towards her ally, noticing some pinkness on his ears and nose. She hid some giggles while the other two were now bickening like children.

There was definitely something going on!

////////

That night, Y/N wasn't in charge of the lookout, which was great for her since that would have meant staying in her room without worrying about the cold, some jumpscares from Brook, or the possibility of falling asleep somewhere on the ship.

Everyone was asleep by now; the only soul awake must have been Franky by the sounds outside the door. Shge was currently writing in her spellbook, scratching her head with the pen, looking from time to time from the colorful tome to the small window on the door. She stopped her activity only after hearing a small knock on the wood, signifying the beginning of their nocturnal activity.

"Come in!"

Her cheering voice was followed only by a small tsk from Law.

"Please tell everyone I'm here too, Y/n-ya."

"Hehe, my bad, my bad!"

He entered the door, making sure that no one could catch him, especially the cyborg. Once the door was closed, he let a sigh escape his mouth, removing his hat from his head and massaging his raven hair with his free hand.

"Today you almost spilled it out, Y/n-ya. I already told you, you must be careful."

"I'm sorry! I just really wanted to let you see my new spell! This time, I was thinking about bees!"

"Why don't you tell me while we...you know..."

She made a big O with her mouth, remembering why Law was there from the beginning!

She started to sway her wand from side to side, whispering a small enchantment to not let anyone hear, and something started to form on the surface of the wooden pavement. A white and fluffy surface, similar to a cotton candy cloud, with hints of pink and baby blue here and there. After some small checks of the safety of the cloudy cushion, not like the first time, she gave a thumbs up to the doctor, signaling the beginning of their activity.

He laid himself on the tangible cloud that the witch had created, positioning himself on his back. After some deep inhale and exhale, his golden eyes darted on the girl, waiting patiently for him.

"...So, you were talking about bees?"

Yes, their secret meetings in the night were just chats. 

It happened during the first nights, when Law started to stay on the Straw Hat ship and got accosted by the presence of the newbie around. To be honest, he couldn't stand her at all in those first times; she was so...LUFFY LIKE. And in the worst since she could use such a strange and stupid smell. Seriously, she was a witch, right? Then why waste her time with those stupid spells that ended up being just some blabbering words?!

She didn't know the potential. The great gift she received?! He couldn't understand how the people of her island, like the others had said, had accepted her magic. Someone needed to be checked—all of them.

Despite her attempts to be friendly and somehow get along with him, it was clear that he had none of it.

She got it, even if it was quite harsh to be forced to repeat that sensation of misunderstanding that she had to bear all of her life. But it was nice to have the crew by her side.

As revenge, Sanji had made a bread-based meal five times in a row. After the third time, Law started to connect a few dots, especially after the glares from Zoro and a small talk with Robin.

"It's a delicate subject for her. It's not like you have to endure for so long, but please be kinder with her, ok?"

It sounded more like a threat, but she was right. Just a few weeks, no doubt.

He needed to endure her, just like he needed to endure those bad episodes of night terrors that he started to have—ah, those too. 

On his own ship, episodes of those were easy to control. He had his own space, his own schedule, and some kind of confidence in his own crew that helped him keep things in check. But that wasn't his ship, and that wasn't his crew.

He tried to sleep here and there, taking small naps during the day and drinking a lot of coffee to avoid the need to sleep. That's helped for some time, until one night, after a long day of work and a small cup of coffee, he just collapsed on his bed. He couldn't remember what he had dreamed; what he knew was his face covered in sweat, the blanket almost thrown away from the mattres, the pillow drenched, and her face, not so far from him. 

"You were screaming..."

Despite his pitiful state, the look on her face was quite calm. Someone would have found it quite strange not to show some emotions, such as worry or fear for him, but he was so confused that he didn't register everything that was around him, like how did she get into his cabin?

"Ummm... that must have been quite the dream, uh?"

He gained enough strength to sit up, not caring about the girl messing with her wand on his desk. Instead, he wondered what kind of sick joke was taking place in the universe to let the one girl that he tried to avoid like the plague be the one that witnessed one of his attacks.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice the fuming cup near him. A small aroma of mint and lavender came to his nostrils, already setting him in a calmer mood.

She was holding the porcelain between some layers of her pijama, avoiding the heat that would burn her fingers. Did she use her magic to create that tea?

"It'll help you. Carefull is hot."

It was so strange, but he would have lied, not admitting that the essence of the tea was already having an effect. He tested the concoction first, and after having proof of its safety, he started to actually drink it.

"...Thanks..."

"You welcome!"

He never wanted to talk about it; aside from the fact that this was his own business, she never pressed about it, which was quite nice from her. But mostly, he felt like he had no right to put some of his weight on that girl. It felt wrong, as much as he knew everyone on that ship was a lost, broken soul with no one to rely on themselves. Luffy found them when everyone viewed them as trash, saved them, and made them his own treasure. He had no right to just put his own trauma on her, especially since she never talked about herself in the first place.

After that night, like some kind of silent call, every time he was ready to go to bed, she knocked gently on his own door, getting in and doing something magic to help him sleep. She once suggested a good smack on his head, but he complained that he had zero intention to cure a future concussion on his head.

During those nights, he found out that she was quite a good listener. He didn't know if she had any kind of mutual experience, but, like she said once, Law had the ability to make even something boring interesting and fascinating. He didn't know if he needed to blush or be offended by that statement. And, by the way, he started to get curious about some aspects of magic. She once explained to him that the concept of magic was that, unlike a devil's fruit power, the laws of nature were slightly bent but never crossed. Magic must follow those rules, or at least try to never overthrow them. I like the idea of using magic to bring people back to life.

Even if she made magic look simple, even silly sometimes, she did try to respect that discipline, and he felt bad to have badmouthed them in front of her.

They found out that they liked to ask questions about each other; they were both curious, and maybe they loved their small night encounters.

A little side of Law hoped that they could keep talking like this even after their imminent separation.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////

What she knew about battles was what she had learned on her island about magic duels. Two opponents, the last one to stand, win.

She heard about wars where witches and wizards fought each other, with poison or with curses, but those were long ago.

Sge never knew what it could have actually meant to fight a real battle on the raging oceans against other pirates or marines. She knew that it would have been hard and scary, but she wanted to be prepared, at least as much as she could have.

You're never that prepared.

Y/N knew that where the Strawhat goes, battles are not that uncommon, but she could have never known that it would have been such a hard one. But she wanted to show that she meant to stay by the side of her captain and her new crewmates! So she refused to be helped and protected; she decided to stay and fight!

The group was able to stand and help the people on the island, but something happened.

She raised her wand, pointing to the target that Franky had built for her for her training sessions, but the only thing that came out of that was a strange, deep purple smoje.

"It's still doing that?!" Usopp voice was a little concerned; as much as he knew, her wand started to act strangely since that bad battle that left her even with some small injuries. Chopper wanted her to stay put, but when she noticed some strange changes in her magic, she needed to check her abilities.

She massaged her still bandaged arm, trying to force it up to rise again, only to see a tattooed hand touching her own.

"You're still recovering; that's enough magic for today."

"But I need to."

"It's an order. Stop discussing Chopper's too."

There was a moment of silence between the two. It was clear that Law wasn't joking around, but she looked more likely to find another solution. Maybe it was the stingy sensation on her arm, maybe it was the silent plea of the doctor, or maybe it was that she knew that there was nothing that could have been done now in her current situation, but she finally gave up.

She escorted herself, riting in her own quarter to try to catch some sleep. That was what she told the other member of the crew, but seeing her in that state—so calm, so obedient—it was strange, especially knowing what she passed in the last battle.

And so the days passed, but the Y/N condition did not improve. No matter how well her arms and wounds healed, her magic was off. The cute little animals seemed sick or dried from their energy; the beams were weak and off colors, and that purple smoke still invaded the space every time she used her wand.

Despite losing a new habit of his, Law was severely concerned for her. Since she knew how important her magic was for the crew, she decided to take a small break from that, but it looked more like she was trying to avoid the matter at all costs. Her book was starting to get dusty on her desk, and the wand was now almost forgotten in her room.

There was definitely something wrong with that girl, he thought, trying to read the book in his hands despite his lack of concentration.

Of course, everything started with that battle. All of you had been injured, some worse and some less, but you all recovered quite quickly thanks to the help of the two doctors. Since then, your magic has started to deteriorate, like a wound that gets infected. But maybe that was the problem; he was acting like that was some kind of medical problem; maybe it was different. Maybe even in magic matters, it was another deal.

Her words start to spawn themselves in his head, and one of them strikes him with a sudden shock.

'Magic can sometimes reflect our emotional state. If someone is deeply connected, it can show signs. If you're stressed, the magic shows that.'

Of course, how could he have forgotten that? Something was off with her magic because she was off! How stupid he could be to not remember such an important detail?! And why did she hide the reality of the situation?!

When Law started to march towards her room, Y/N was deep in a read on a book that Robin gave her to help ease her mind, or so she said. It doesn't help her at all, but it helps keep her thoughts away from the blatant fact that she can't use her magic correctly. The knocking on the door woke her up from her concentration, forcing her to open it, revealing the serious face of that certain medic.

"Law is not night, and I can't-" "I know you can't help me; I'm not here for that. Do you mind if I come in?"

Usually she would have let him inside like every time without question, but this time on the pother hand, she looked nervous. She wasn't scared of him, of course, but a little side of her felt uneasy about letting him catch up about your condition. Despite that, she moved aside, giving him enough space to get inside.

He didn't rush; he just waited in the center of the room for her to feel comfortable with her personal space being occupied by him. She started to scratch her finger with her nails, looking around, maybe searching for a good subject or a good excuse for her situation. Law didn't want to waste more time than it needed, but on the other hand, he didn't want her to feel like being attacked in that situation, so he started to search for a good way to talk.

And, on the other hand, he felt exhausted. He hated to admit it, but on these nights, her help was one of the greatest remedies that he had ever experienced in his life since he became a medic! He didn't want to believe that her magic had cured him.

She made it clear that, usually, magic can't fix emotional problems, but at least her own abilities were enough to help him with his sleeping habits. And of course, he felt bad for that. He felt bad that his honest desire to help her heal was nearing the need to not go back to his night terrors. It was selfish, even for him, and he felt bad for that.

Still trying to search for a good way to put it, Law felted her gaze on his face.

"You look like hell; are the night terrors coming back?" "…Yes, they are. But I'm not here for that, I told you." "Well, even if you were, I don't think I can help you at the moment." "…And how this moment is gonna last, uh?"

No, no, it came out bad; her nervous expression was enough. He scratched his nose, recalling his ideas.

"Y/N, have you ever heard about burnout?" "…ummm…a few times, between other witches? … I don't exactly know what it is, but…" "Is it when we feel like nothing like you do is working? Do you understand me?"

She looked to the other side; maybe it wasn't the exact feelings, but he needed to try again.

"Since you last battled, your magic is clearly in bad shape. I know you were badly hurt; hell, I fixed you up with Chopper, but I wonder if you feel… I don't know. Helpless? Exhausted maybe?"

She seemed less nervous, but she was still there. Maybe this time he did catch the right hint, and something started to ring in her head. She stopped scratching her fingers, but she still kept them on her lap, avoiding his gaze.

"Maybe a little? I know being a pirate would be hard, but I don't know. I felt like my magic wasn't enough for you, for the crew, and for everyone. I wish I could help everyone, but my magic still doesn't want to work." "Do you want your magic to work? You told me yourself, Magic is emotional; it catches every little mess we have in our heads." When the little pieces of the puzzle start to get together, it somehow feels refreshing and satisfying. But for her, it was harsh to admit that the real thing that was stopping her was herself. But surely, she at least knows the cause… and the solution.

"But... I do want to be helped. I want to be fixed! If that is so, then why my magic doesn't want to cooperate?!"

"Maybe it's deeper than that. I know you want that on the surface, but you need to work on what truly is happening in here."

He gave a little nod to her head, making her giggle a little. Well, despite how strange it was, his words seemed rational and, in a certain perspective, true. Maybe deep down you needed more than the desire to be helped.

"And...what now?"

"Well... I guess we start with some baby steps. We'll try to help you out until you're back in good shape."

"We?"

"Me and your crew, they noticed too, you know?"

"Yeah, I'm not that subtle. That means that you won't get any fluffy clouds for another week or two."

"Yeah, well, it's not important. I'll figure out how to find a new way to sleep."

At least she was better now; that was good consolation, and by not getting what he wanted, his conscience felt a little less heavy than before. Y/N, on the other hand, was still worried about his problem. Without saying anything, she lightly grazed his shoulder, giving him a small pull. He resisted, confused about what she wanted to do.

"I GOT AN IDEA, came on. I don't bite!"

"That's questionable..."

"True, true, but not this time; double cross on my heart!"

Despite her childish promise, Law allowed the girl to take the lead. In his confusion and embarrassment, he found himself with his head resting on her lap. For a few seconds, it seemed that he couldn't breathe, holding his breath to avoid any possible scream towards the girl. 

Before he could even muttered questions and all, she simply started to pat his head.

"Since I can't use magic, we can start doing it like this! It's not a cloud, which is terrible, but it's still a way for us to have our nightly chat, uh?"

He stayed there, buffled, looking at this gentle soul that was now holding him like no one had ever done before. Or at least, he thought that. How come such a young girl like that could have been able to reduce him like some mush in her hands? He was a fearsome pirate, one of the most dangerous goddamit! And there he was, held like a child by a young witch who wanted nothing more than to connect with him.

But if he really was humiliated, then why keep on coming back to her?

He couldn't answer his question since, while in his own thoughts, his fatigue finally won against his will and finally led him to a deep sleep.

When he woke up, Y/N wasn't in her room anymore. His head was supported by a pillow and glued to his forehead, which is why she had to use glittered glue.

I went to Chopper; I'll talk to him about my problems. Wish me luck!

He sighed. He didn't know about luck, but surely he knew that that was the first step for her.

Once he cleaned his forehead from the blue glitter, he made his way back to his own quarter, only to find himself in front of a certain navigator.

Nami's back was supported by the sturdy wood of the ship, and her face held a slight, sly smile.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

How did she know? Well, maybe the still-sleepy face on his face didn't cover his position, even with that woman. She smiled again, looking directly into Law's eyes.

"She's a nice one, uh?"

"....yeah...."

"I mean, I met so many nice people. but she's lucky because she's funny too!"

"I guess?... Listen, Nami, get to the"

"If you dare to hurt her or manipulate her, I'm going to throw your sorry butt so deep into the ocean that the only thing you'll ever be able to meet is Davy Jones, am I clear?"

".........y-yes, ma'am...."

And while the woman wived gently towards him, he felt the piercing eyes of Robin, watching the two talking from the deck.

From that day on, Law became more careful around you.

[bluelocksource]

Kurona Ranze’s trivia

☆ Character color: Pink.

☆ Birthday: 6th September.

☆ Current age: 16 (1st year high schooler).

☆ Zodiac: Virgo.

☆ Birthplace: Hokkaido.

☆ Family structure: Father. Mother. Himself.

☆ Current height: 168 cm.

☆ Foot size: 26.5 cm.

☆ Dominant foot: Right foot.

☆ Vision acuity: 1.2

☆ Blood type: O.

☆ Grip strength: 38 kg.

☆ Motto: "Take care of your own mood."

☆ Starts playing football: At age 4.

☆ Team before joining BLUE LOCK: Kirikizan High School Soccer Club.

切刻斬 (kirikizan) can mean 'cutting slash' or 'precise cut'.

☆ Hobby: Playing with his braid. "Since childhood, I’ve had the habit of touching my bangs when I’m daydreaming, watching TV, or concentrating. When my parents jokingly taught me how to braid, I’ve had braided hair ever since. I braid and unbraid it to get through boring classes."

☆ Favorite food: Twist bread. "It’s cute because it looks like a braid. Any flavor is fine."

☆ Food he dislike: Iga’s hard-baked rice crackers. "I chipped a tooth as a child. They’re hard. Hard.”

Iga is a city in Mie Prefecture.

☆ What goes best with rice: "I prefer bread, so I don’t know much about it."

☆ Favorite animal: Great white shark. "I feel a connection because of its jagged teeth. Jaws. Jaws."

☆ Favorite season: Spring. "It makes me want to run. RUN. RUN."

☆ Favorite football player: Lamine Yamal.

☆ Favorite song: "Onaji Yoru" by sancrib.

☆ Favorite manga: Gachiakuta.

☆ Favorite movie: Guardians of the Galaxy.

☆ Mushroom shoots vs Bamboo shoots: Bamboo shoots. "I like the crispy biscuit-like texture. Bamboo shoots sprouting up."

☆ What makes him happy: Subtle affection. "I like people who always look out for me."

☆ What makes him upset: Being yelled at. "They should just talk to me before getting angry. Anger management is important."

☆ What he thinks his strength is: "I can build relationships with others while maintaining a moderate distance. Also, I’m fast on my feet."

☆ What he thinks his weakness is:  "I tend to be quite casual about things I’m not interested in. Casual."

☆ What made him cry recently: “When my pet hedgehog passed away.”

☆ Favorite/best subject: "None in particular. None. I dislike studying."

☆ Weak/least favorite subject: "All of them. That’s why I hate studying! Don’t ask! Don’t ask!"

☆ Ideal type: Someone who maintains a moderate distance but stays close.

☆ Number of chocolates received from previous Valentine: 4.

☆ At what age he experiences first love: 8 years old.

☆ The first time he got confessed to: “A classmate told me they liked me, but it was in a mascot-like way. I was disappointed. I was really down.”

☆ Fixation: Hairstyles. "A person’s hairstyle reflects their personality."

☆ Average sleeping time: 7.5 hours.

☆ How he spend his holiday: “Training to improve my running speed. Taking care of my hedgehog (the second one). Then just relaxing casually. Relaxing.”

☆ When taking a bath, which part he washes first: His hair. "I undo my braid and carefully treat it."

☆ What he usually buy from the convenience store: "Hair ties. Hair ties."

☆ What will he do if he received 100 million yen: "I’d be shocked. Shocked."

☆ At what age he stops receiving presents from Santa: At 11 years old.

☆ What was his last wish from Santa: "Socks, for soccer. It was funny to find socks inside Santa’s stocking."

☆ What will he do during his last day on Earth: "Spend a relaxing time with my parents and my pet hedgehog (the second one)."

☆ Favorite historical figure: John Lennon.

☆ If he hadn’t encountered soccer, what will he be doing: “I might have aimed to become a pet groomer.”

☆ If he could only take one thing to a deserted island, what would it be: "I’d take my pet hedgehog (the second one) with me. Oh, the hedgehog's name is Pocari."

☆ If he had a time machine, would he go to the past or the future: The future. “I want to go really far into the future and make friends with future people.”

note: i want to apologize in advance for any mistake made in the translation!

source: Egoist Bible 2.

[tozettastone]

@waffliesinyoface okay, let's go! (I agree on Itachi's sweet tooth honestly.)

Itachi — He likes sweet food. He'll order something you didn't even know was real, like a lavender latte, or a smoked salted vanilla frappe. "Does your drink even have coffee in it?" you may ask, dubiously eyeing what appears to be cup of lightly flavoured simple syrup piled high with freshly whipped cream. Yes, yes it does. Itachi is the tiredest person on this team, and that's including the guy who is just 6 dead bodies in a trench coat. Do not order him decaf.

Kisame — He's pretty easygoing. He'll take whatever, and then while the barista is making it he'll tell them that sharks can have milk because some of them don't have umbilical cords. He consumed the milk shed from his mother's uterus lining, like a great white, after eating his siblings. How fun. Sir, here's your coffee.

Kakuzu — Kakuzu is a pile of stolen hearts and tentacles condensed into roughly human shape. He can't taste the coffee, but his hearts respond to the caffeine. He will have whatever option comes with unlimited refills.

Hidan — Orders something new every time and hates it every time. He doesn't like bitter flavours. He has not yet made the connection between "coffee" and "bitter notes" in the formal way that would permit him to stop trying it. He complains about the taste every time. Bonus: caffeine only affects him for about 2.5 minutes.

Konan — Konan never had coffee growing up (she didn't have a lot of things growing up!) so now it's kind of a novelty. She's mostly a tea drinker but when she has coffee she takes whatever variation of 1 part coffee and 2 parts milk is easiest. She's not a connoisseur of latte foam vs cappuccino froth, etc., etc. She likes to watch the rain fall, dry and cosy in her oversized coat, while her coffee steams gently into the humid air over the village.

Pein — Nagato doesn't like to put extra fluids into his bodies because they're dead and if you alter the water content on the inside it can be very hard to maintain them in the state of preservation he prefers. He watches Konan drink, though.

Sasori — Sasori is an arty bitch, but not a "with lavender smoked honey," kind of wanky art bitch. He's a traditionalist. Espresso. With sparkling water. The tinier the demitasse, the better.

Deidara — Deidara wants a fancy sweet little treat but he's still young enough to get mad that he doesn't drink serious grown up drinks. He'll order something black and bitter and then sulk about it. What he really wants is exactly the kind of fancy and ridiculous coffee drink Itachi orders, but he's already set himself against this and mocked Itachi about it. Watch him toss back his coffee and slam the empty cup onto the table like he's doing shots of bad tequila.

Zetsu — A cafe macchiato. This is a trap because a "spotted," coffee is either all milk spotted with a bit of coffee (which is what the writer understands to be common in America) or all coffee spotted with a dab of milk (common in other parts of the world). Either way, when you serve it to him, the order will be wrong according to at least one side of his body. ;—;

Tobi — Drinks his coffee mixed 1:1 with sweetened condensed milk. Is the sweet tooth genetic?

(Honorary) Orochimaru — Orochimaru is also a pretentious arty bitch, but in his case, his order isn't intended to communicate artsy-ness about himself to the outside observer. It's instead carefully calculated to communicate that he's a snob and to stress out the barista tasked with making it for him. He wants your single origin in a double ristretto with a 3/4 cup of silky milk. If you make a latte and just don't fill it up all the way, he will know. No, really. He'll know.

[neon-kazoo]

Chomp

Hero found themselves in quite a precarious position, swinging upside down with their foot caught in a snare.

Now, this wasn’t exactly uncommon for them. Getting caught in a trap was nothing new. Such was the perilous life of a hero after all. What was unusual, though, was the pit of crystal clear water beneath them.

Oh, and the dozen or so sharks swimming around in it.

They were suspended over a pool fit for Olympic swimming. Hero was no marine biologist, but they were pretty sure those sleek grey fish weren’t dolphins.

Coarse rope dug into their ankle, but Hero found they didn’t mind too much. They had the core strength to be able to reach the knot but, unfortunately, untying it would probably send them plummeting into the water, and Hero wasn’t particularly up for such a literal swim with the fishes today.

Deciding to save their strength, Hero hung limp, tucking their shirt into their pants and leaving their arms to flop loosely with gravity.

Soon, the one responsible for their current predicament made themselves known from the ground.

“Welcome, Hero!” The villain’s voice boomed excitedly.

There was no catwalk, nothing covering the top of the tank. That left Villain to stand next to the glass at the bottom and having to yell up the dangling hero.

Before Hero could think to ask what they were doing here, Villain answered unprompted, “I wanted to show you my new collection!”

“Is this…legal?” Hero questioned, the words difficult to form with the blood rushing to their head.

“Absolutely not!” The villain exclaimed.

Right. That was probably the point.

“Are they…ok?”

Hero blinked hard, trying to stay present in the conversation.

“Who? Bruce, Anchor, Chum, Brooklyn, Barbara, Mark, Lori, Robert, Kevin, Lennie, Daymond, Nado, and Krill?

Their processing was gradually slowing down but those names seemed…oddly familiar.

“The…the sharks.”

Hero supposed they didn’t look too unhappy, chilling in their own space, not circling for an impending meal. Hero certainly couldn’t claim animal cruelty with the size of the aquarium. The oversized fish must be well fed to be able to coexist like this, which was…concerning for the hero, to say the least.

Their vision blurred as they watched a pointed fin breach the surface.

They realized belatedly that they were about to pass out.

“And they’re just fine with each other?”

“Oh, you see, that’s where my new invention comes in-“

The sound of Villain’s voice faded out as Hero’s consciousness slipped away.

…

They awoke to the sight of teeth flashing in front of them. They tried to scramble back before their brain could process the several-feet thick wall between them and the apex predator.

“You’ve been quite a rude guest.”

Hero turned to the source of the voice, finding Villain standing over them. The rope that had previously entrapped just one ankle now looped both feet together, as well as connecting both their wrists.

“I’m…sorry?” Hero spoke carefully.

That seemed like a reasonable answer, given their ultimate goal of not ending up as chum.

“You fainted before I could finish my monologue,” Villain pouted, crossing their arms and looking down at the Hero sitting against the wall of the tank.

“That’s…uh, my bad,” Hero answered, preoccupied with wondering when the sharks’ last meal was.

“Please, continue.”

Villain crouched down, looking intently into the Hero’s eyes as they started to explain.

“First, you have to understand the aggression patterns of bull sharks vs those of great whites and tigers…”

And that’s how Hero learned way more about Selachimorpha than they ever wished to know.

[bestanimatedmovie]

Revenge of the Underrated

15. Help! I'm a Fish vs Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs

Vote in the other polls!

Propaganda:

Help! I'm a Fish

"It's a Danish movie from the early 2000s, so it already has that uncanny valley feel of being unfamiliar to the average American viewer, and is almost entirely 2D animated with 3D only used to help instead of being the main medium. It's about 3 kids that stumble upon this scientist's lair and the youngest of them, Stella, accidentally drinks a potion that turns her into an aquatic animal (a starfish for her) thinking it was Kool-Aid (or lemonade, depending on the dub). Her brother, Fly, throws her into the ocean not realizing that the starfish was his transformed sister and he and his cousin, Chuck, drink the potion (a flyfish and a jellyfish respectively) so they can search for her in the ocean. Along the way, they accidentally drop the potion into the sea which gives sentience to a pilot fish and shark, the main villains. They then start to administer the potion to any fish they find.

I heard about the movie from a Youtube review and then watched it for myself that night. It was super fun and I could totally see this being a fever dream movie from some unsuspecting 8 yo. Part of the reason I say that is because the movie isn't afraid to have its dark moments. Fly gets slashed by a crab and almost DIES. Chuck has to do a risky mission in order to get Fly and Stella back to the scientist's lair so he can turn them back. Stella admittedly didn't do much, but she's 4, she gets a pass. She makes a seahorse friend, so that's good. The parents of the kids track down the scientist in his lair and confront and are ready to beat him up before he manages to show them the video of Stella turning into a starfish (the scientist planned to drink the potion on camera to prove it works, but forgot he had to get the antidote, leaving the potion alone and getting Stella's transformation on camera). There's even a moment where you think Chuck's mom straight up (accidentally) stomped on Fly's fish body before you find out it was just a stuffed fish and Fly is a human again.

As for the villain, he was a fun little sleezy villain, immediately creating a dictatorship with his newfound intelligence (he had a whole song about it). And Fly uses that against him by tricking him into drinking more of the potion to become smarter. Unfortunately, the potion doesn't just give fish human intelligence, it MAKES them human, and the last you see of the villain is him drowning and floating away as a half-fish, half-man igor. Horrifying but so, so awesome.

The animation is spectacular, the voice acting is great in both English and Danish (plus Chuck is voiced by one of the dudes from Breaking Bad), and with actual peril for the main characters (I forgot to mention that they would be stuck fish if they didn't take the antidote in the next 24 hours). I'm definitely going to find a CD of this movie to show/traumatize my future kids + niblings. "

Really cool animation, really interesting storyline and fun songs that stick to your brain like a fever dream

Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs

Red Shoes is a Snow White retelling that features a plus size princess and teaches that it's who a person is on the inside that matters. It contrasts Merlin, the male lead, who is normally conventionally handsome but cursed to be a "hideous" (actually quite cute) dwarf, a form he's desperate to escape, with Snow White/Red Shoes who is normally an adorable plus sized princess (ie not the traditional beauty) who is trapped by necessity in the form of a thin traditional princess, a form that she's incredibly uncomfortable with. It's ultimately about being your true self, loving who you are, and looking past appearances to find the beauty that lies within. Also, Patrick Warburton is the magic mirror.

It's an adorable, sweet movie that deserves more people to know about it! It was so fun and funny that after I watched it the first time, I turned around and immediately rewatched it with my husband (like he came in during the last 5 minutes, and we immediately started it over).

[keikakudom]

What if your Alastor genuinely started to feel love for Vox? Like what would he do? If he realized he was in love with Vox? Would he attempt to Atticwife Vox? Or chain him?

***WARNING: this answer does go into heavy/dark themes.

Woooh, okay so I had to search what "Atticwife" meant, but this question literally sat with me for two days when it was first sent in. I even consulted my bestie(not into fandom) about it.

From my understanding, I think it means "when the partner/significant other forcibly keeps the other against locked away their will bc they're mentally not well/insane(?)".

Initially, here are a few reasons why I think that wouldn't happen/I don't see it working for RR!AU:

I think of Alastor liking the free little things that Vox does as entertainment. He likes to see what Vox does with Hell as playground. Free-roaming gerbil style.

Maybe he would try to cage him once for the heck of it, but I genuinely think(despite all the fanon interpretations and how canon Vox is all leading into that he's insecure and pathetic) that Vox and Alastor are equally matched and Alastor would not have a feasible way of keeping him there for one. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. I swear in canon that they are setting up Vox to be underestimated. Like, yes radio waves/radio has power over TV signals--but literally face it, nobody WANTS radio. Only TV does. Even if TV disappears, the masses are not going to go back to radio. Radio has its purpose but in the modern age and from what it looks like in HH too(since TV/Vox is so popular) radio as a ruling media is already over, it's relegated to a supporting role now because TV is just so convenient and straight up better with so many more uses.

And I dont think Vox's way of thinking is "wrong" or that he's far gone, since he's never been actively suicidal. I only made him mention that line in the fic because Alastor was so blindsided by HIS way of thinking that Vox needed to voice his side for Alastor to think of Vox's perspective for once(also in the fic I made Alastor SHOW that he cared) aka, in the end they both communicated in the way that the other prefers (show vs tell). RR!AU Vox is characterized as only to have maybe, PASSIVE suicide ideation. Its like, he wont ever think about dying unless his mind is empty--so putting him in an isolated/empty place would make it worse/allow his depressive thoughts to fester because he's not busying his mind.

So if you want to go with a fluffy route, if Alastor really romantically fell in love with Vox, I want to say he'd tone down the blatant stalking and go for a traditional and appealing courting way(probably asked Rosie for advice) that finally respects Vox's current feelings...would Vox reciprocate? Eh, too little too late, maybe.

That said, I'm fascinated by this scenario so I'm going to entertain it as a what-if , LOL. It's going to get very toxic and strange, even more-so from hereon out:

Let's say we take what Vox said in the fic for verbatim(wants to stay on DND forever, chasing after death), and that Alastor planned for this ahead of time.

First, it would be an environmental shock to Vox because he's so used to constantly being around people, and just DOING stuff...there's some symbolism here about how great white sharks have trouble being kept in zoos/being kept in captivity.

A lot of people would look for him. Hell politics would go haywire. I think Vox would busy himself in his thoughts about how to deal with his own absence too, all concerned for the power vacancy and things that are piling up, if he couldn't find an immediate way to escape. It's really hard to think of Vox ever doing "nothing" IMO.

(Even if he sits and watches TV all day, he goes all giggly and dramatic. A big reason why I push this in RR!AU. I find it so interesting to have a character/personality so animated also having deep nihilistic thoughts. He would not curl up and spend days not doing anything, more like 'OK NEXT NOW WHAT'.)

Then let's say Alastor introduces daily stimulation with Vox. In order for him not to do anything drastic. Playing chess with him, asking open-ended questions...Vox starts to crave those singular interactions everyday so badly. Because it's his only fix to do something.

In any case, it would turn into a very unhealthy and co-dependent, Stockholm syndrome-y relationship. Subsequently, 'Atticwife'....

This was a very wild question to answer, but thank you for sending it! It was pretty fun to imagine a possibility where this played out.

[zoroara]

Things I think about a lot: While I understand why Squalo has a great white shark Box weapon, or at least one that looks vaguely like one, because Alo's colouring is wrong (they are grey and white not blue and white, there are sharks like that) and also a number of other things. It isn't a type of shark I would see most suited for Squalo's behaviour. But I know why it was chosen as it is, one of the most recognizable sharks there are.

Other things I think about a lot: Bester isn't actually a Liger, he'd be a Tigon with a colour morph. The reason I say a Tigon and not a liger is because Ligers are significantly larger and oddly proportioned, pretty much don't grow more than a scant mane, and their stripes are extremely pale and hard to see. Tigons are the ones that have Manes and prominent stripes, properly proportioned and about the same size as the parents. But because everyone knows Ligers better, Bester is a Liger. (by the way the difference is caused by the female tiger being what creates a liger vs a female lion creating a Tigon)

I think a lot about box animals and have more fun facts but if there are any questions you're in danger of a ramble with pictures.

[umm0lly]

The Sharkiest Shark Tournament

18 sharks have been randomly pitted against each other to see who is the true sharkiest shark. Two rounds will have three contenders.

VOTING OPENS ON THE 6TH, CLOSES ON THE 13TH

Probably the most effort I've put into anything. Tag any shark obsessed mutuals if you want, and be sure to watch out for the voting opening tomorrow <3

Round One - February 6th, 7am EST: Part One - Tiger Shark vs Bull Shark vs Spotted Wobbegong Part Two - Blue Shark vs Lemon Shark Part Three - Sand Tiger Shark vs Great White Shark Part Four - Thresher Shark vs Nurse Shark Round Two - February 7th, 7am EST: Part One - Port Jackson vs Leopard Catshark vs Epaulette Shark Part Two - Whale Shark vs Shortfin Mako Part Three - Great Hammerhead vs Oceanic Whitetip Part Four - Longnose Sawshark vs Basking Shark Round Three - February 8th, 7am EST: Part One - Spotted Wobbegong vs Lemon Shark Part Two - Great White vs Nurse Shark

Round Four - February 9th, 7am EST: Part One - Port Jackson Shark vs Whale Shark Part Two - Great Hammerhead vs Basking Shark

Semifinals - February 11th, 9am EST: Spotted Wobbegong vs Nurse Shark Whale Shark vs Great Hammerhead

FINALS: February 13th, 9am, EST: Nurse Shark vs Great Hammerhead

WINNER: TBA

tags under the cut

@joshisepic2222 @nemideia @artemis-the-duck @on-the-outside @italian-wall-lizard @pride-potato @directlyat-thesun @redbunnydragon @i-will-sing-no-requiem @weshipsolangelo @03junkie

[flowitch]

okay i actually do have so many thoughts about dynamite

kyle hesitantly leaving will to follow don was so good and so sad

britt & mercedes is the natural choice for a wembley match, i just hope that britt learned how to wrestle while she was away so mercedes doesn't have to carry her like stat did

I'm glad britt's okay, that shit sounds so awful and scary. her & adam can't catch a break with head injuries

there's an alternate universe out there where britt is a heel and joins the evps and goes by her god given name brittany

hangman's new theme (as far as i can tell from the one time we've heard it) is great and fits him perfectly. the dim yellow lighting is also so perfect for his presentation. i saw someone on twitter say that they should pay for hurt by johnny cash to be his theme for PPVs and i think that'd be so awesome

thank god the cowboy is home. there was a distinct lack of cowboy these past few months

using jeff jarrett's real life investment & babyfaceism in the owen as a way to get hanger more heel heat was fantastic

the crowd doing the swerve's house chants to hanger was so fucked up when you remember they're chanting for the dude that broke into hanger's house and his child's bedroom LMAO that shit was so crazy. he has every right to go batshit after being made the bad guy. babyface swerve & heel hanger ended up being inspired booking

hangmatt i missed you so dearly. the angst is wonderful but i was sad for a moment missing the elite being all together. so much has happened in the past year!

i need kris statlander in ways I'm not allowed to say publicly

stat vs willow was great per usual. honestly if they wanted to run that again at wembley maybe with a stip that'd be awesome

bryan vs pac was great as expected. i did some looking and the only times they've fought 1-on-1 was once in 2007 for roh and once in 2009 for a UK indie promotion

will vs danny was great. usually my dad and i joke that certain people in matches have a -3% chance of winning when we can guess the booking but in this instance i upped danny to a 40%. i feel like he honestly had a shot based on the storyline they're doing with will. even though he didn't win im glad he has a feud now instead of just squashes or run-ins to help other people

it was def time to turn mjf fully heel again. i think his babyface run was great especially during the btybb era but being a heel is his bread and butter so it was def time.

we should all start assuming someone's about to die when they're wearing white. that's how u know the blood is coming

one minute danny is thrusting in will's face and the next he's dead, daddy magic has his eyes ripped out, and mjf is throwing trash at fans while they attempt to fist fight him

I'm so so so excited that the build to all in has started. they have so much time for it i think it's gonna be amazing

mark briscoe declaring for blood & guts made me very happy. he's gonna do some crazy shit. i really wish the acclaimed weren't in it because i cannot stand max caster but sadly that's probably happening. i keep thinking maybe swerve will declare since they hinted it & that's what'll help the bucks convince hanger to join their team. I'm all for them being in forced close proximity and angst happening. god bless

there was a chompy-shaped hole in the heart of this year's shark week episode. i liked him terrorizing commentary last year. speaking of commentary, taz being kicked off commentary should be considered a crime

i think that's all for now

[tentacledwizard]

Come Look At Shark Movie Posters With Me

As a patron of the arts, it is my job to find and review pieces that others might overlook. Recently, I found some intriguing movie posters, all of which belong to a single genre- the low-quality shark movie (also called the sharksploitation genre). Despite the blatant scientific inaccuracies, I took it upon myself to share these unique artworks with the world.

     Now, this one is a classic. “Sharknado,” the title proclaims in a bold gradient red. “Enough said!” This poster knows exactly what it’s trying to communicate. It doesn’t talk down to the audience. It already assumes we understand what it’s about. After all, a clever portmanteau of “shark” and “tornado” can only mean one thing! I am really blown away (no pun intended) by the complex wordplay and bold statement of this poster. 

The visuals are striking (it has a nice orange and blue color contrast, a staple of great posters everywhere). Of course, the sharknado is front and center. The spinning, cartilaginous vortex is creating fire and explosions for some reason- showing its nature as an otherworldly, diabolical force. A Ferris wheel topples into the stock-image inferno. There’s no time for leisure when this sort of catastrophe descends on your city. 

     The sharks themselves are excellent, mainly Great Whites with one mako. All of them appear to be screaming bloody murder, their denticles (shark scales) shimmering against a dark tornado. Two of them seem to be the same image flipped around. There’s an element of tragic nobility among these creatures. They were just minding their own business before getting sucked into a horrible, never-ending spiral. These sharks are somehow alive above land. They’re tough. They’re survivors. They never wanted to be a weather phenomenon, and they could have lived peaceful fishy lives without ever seeing Los Angeles. Are their open jaws a sign of aggression, or a cry for help? 

  RATING: 4.7 out of 5. This poster is fin-tastic. Enough said!

This one is interesting. Not as dynamic as the version where Mega Shark was chomping a plane. This time, Giant Octopus is doing the damage, using a ship as a sort of bath toy. The title font is obviously symbolic, portraying Mega Shark as a shiny gold and Giant Octopus as silver. It’s pretty clear who will win in the end. (After all, there was also Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus. And Mega Shark vs. Kolossus. And Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark. I think it’s safe to say Mega Shark survives.) 

     Again, there’s an intense orange-blue contrast. This time, though, it’s overdone. It lacks Sharknado’s finesse. There’s some kind of heavy vignette filter, and the colors are dark and dingy. The aptly named leviathans are duking it out. A broken Golden Gate Bridge (?) is seen in the background. This, and the gold font used for Mega Shark, seem to signify a dark night of the soul for our CGI protagonist. As Robert Frost once said, nothing gold can stay. 

   Giant Octopus is dragging Mega Shark down, its papillae spiky. The tip of its arm is in Mega Shark’s mouth. Okay, Giant Octopus. I’ll pretend to not read into it, for your benefit. (And I’m not! After all, a shark’s weapon is its mouth! I’m choosing to ignore… whatever Giant Octopus is doing.)

 RATING: 3. Spicy, but an eyesore. 

  Hmm. Nah.

   I don’t like this poster. It’s very unoriginal. (Look up the poster for Jaws. You’ll see what I mean.) The shark is doing the generic Oh No, Scary Shark pose. Hear that sound in the distance? That’s the sound of violins playing, but they’re clearly part of a bad remix. Also, the lower part of the poster still suffers from an odd-looking vignette effect. This time it’s crimson, because why not.

    I know this is supposed to be about the poster, not the movie, but I’ll say it: Sand Sharks seems like an especially bad movie. I mean what would the plot be? Sharks bursting out of the sand and surprising literally no one because people could see the dorsal fins and get off the beach? 

   So, we have the mandatory Bikini Woman who will become shark chow very soon. She’s laying down on the sand without a towel or anything, pushing her chest up in this super convincing pose. Then there’s the shark, who has concerningly needle-like, snaggly teeth. (Wait, I just looked it up. Turns out snaggletooth sharks are a thing. I apologize to any snaggletooth sharks out there, all of you are amazing.) Here’s my main question: how did Generic Shark find Bikini Woman? Generic Shark’s ampullae of Lorenzini are clearly visible. Ampullae of Lorenzini are used for electroreception, which is this incredible sixth sense sharks have. I can’t go into long paragraphs about this so I suggest you look it up (it’s awesome). But Generic Shark is swimming under sand, so it wouldn’t be able to use electroreception and find prey. How does it know where Bikini Woman (or anyone) is? Also, how does it breathe? How does it swim? Why would it evolve to swim in sand, when it could evolve to better hunt seals? Sharks don’t even think humans taste good, so why-

   Sorry about that, it was getting long. RATING: 2. Blah. 

   Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! 

    Really, where do I begin? This is incredible. Cathartic. Powerful. From the very original name to the beautifully rendered detail, this has watered my crops, cured my loneliness, etc etc etc. The title is a rich scarlet, and it’s luminescent against the crashing waves. Sure, the tagline describes Jurassic Shark as a “dinosaur from the deep” even though dinosaurs are reptiles, but I can excuse that.   

    Jurassic Shark is a looker for sure. He (Pretty sure it’s a he) has a huge, cavernous mouth framed by excellent teeth. (Again, no offense to snaggletooth sharks.) He’s the focal point, as he should be. A primordial emotion simmers in his handsome black eyes: hangriness. He’s presumably been dormant for a while, so of course he’d swallow the nearest big thing in hopes of sating a hunger too big for this time period. Around him, the ocean froths and convulses. Rain pours down from the heavens, signaling the arrival of this Cetus-like, deific megalodon. I may need some cold water, it’s just that good.

     Of course, there’s a Bikini Woman, wearing a bikini in the middle of a storm for some reason. She’s jumping off a boat, apparently preferring to drown rather than experience the honor of being consumed by Jurassic Shark. Rusty flames pour from the mangled boat, highlighted by glittering sparks. Take notes, Mega Shark. This is an excellent orange-blue contrast. A helicopter hovers just above Jurassic Shark, helpfully illuminating his many scrapes and scratches. I find myself unable to stop staring at this. 

RATING: 5. A modern masterpiece. It feels unfair to judge this against the others.

I was planning on putting Dinoshark here, but then I learned that the movie’s subject is not a dino or a shark. It’s a pliosaur. So you’ll have to stick with Shark Exorcist.

     Anyway, this poster shows the presumable Shark Exorcist, who is surprisingly not wearing a bikini. Clad in an oily black exorcist outfit, he lifts up a cross glowing with a divine power. His pose seems to say, Get smote, you hideous burnt toast! Take a swim in some holy water.

   Said burnt toast is the shark. His skin is charred and peeling, cracking open to reveal red-hot flesh. Probably representing one of the seven deadly sins. Or it’s a metaphor for getting a sunburn. Demon Shark is hocking up a big fiery spitball, and he’s bursting out of the… sand? Water? Who knows.

    Actually, this particular shark is a mere puppet piloted by the Devil. The big guy, Satan himself. Sharks are often demonized in the media, and this movie really went the extra mile! I feel bad for the shark, though. 

    Above the shark/Devil, the tagline reads: SATAN HAS JAWS. I’m kind of confused by this message. So before possessing a shark, Satan didn’t have jaws? Interesting. The whole poster has no visual contrast so it just seems like a burnt orange mess. The color scheme could work, but it doesn’t here. 

 RATING: 2.5

   Ah, yes. Jaws, the big snappy mother of all low-quality shark movies. The actors hated each other and the animatronic shark kept breaking, but they still managed to make a film that gets paraphrased over and over, as exemplified by the low-budget movies I already discussed. 

    But then a terrible thing happened. Jaws tried to paraphrase itself. The resulting sequels are widely regarded as paragons of horrible selachian fiasco films. One of the most infamous is Jaws: The Revenge. Let’s see whether the poster is as bad as the movie. 

   At first glance, it’s nicely put together. The colors are crisp and saturated. I bet I could taste those blues if I licked my screen enough. Which I might, just to feel something. Anything. I also like how they replaced the A in Jaws with the shark’s snout. This shark doesn’t have time for your franchise name. It’s suffered through some horrible, no-good, very bad sequels. (Assuming it’s the same shark the whole time. I haven’t watched the sequels.) The whole poster has this really nice painterly aesthetic. Nice lighting and shading, too. You can see the sparkling water droplets as they crash onto the boat. But Why Did They Write The Tagline Like This? It Looks Kinda Weird With The Rest Of The Poster. Still, “This Time It’s Personal” is absolutely iconic. One of the greatest taglines ever written. I will use it as a positive affirmation when I’m feeling bad, it’s just that awesome and motivational. 

     The foreground looks cool. It’s a pivoting boat with a similarly diagonal blonde on top of it, grabbing an oversized toothpick. The cerulean waters ripple as she prepares to face off against the dashing Carcharodon carcharias splashing around in the water. Not much else to say there, let’s move on to the shark.

     The shark is great, just fantastic. It’s clearly a great white and I LOVE the sharp layered teeth. Just look at those pearly whites. Amazing. It jumps out of coruscating waves, presumably to invite Blonde Lady for a swim. Its eyes reflect the red letters surrounding it. Nice touch. 

RATING: 5. Awful movie, great poster.

  Okay, this poster is not as bad as it could have been. I’m still not sure whether it’s a sequel to 5-Headed Shark Attack (“You can’t SURVIVE the FIVE!”). It probably is. How that shark keeps growing heads is anyone’s guess. 

    So, this poster shows a wobbling boat, exploding in a spray of orange Cheeto dust. A Bikini Woman jumps overboard (again), because she’s anti-Cheetos? I’m not sure. It’s not like jumping off will do anything in this situation. It’ll probably get her eaten faster. 

     The title leaves little to interpret, and the tagline is a brilliantly poetic stroke of genius (as usual). A shark head bites off part of the A in ATTACK. I’ve found this sort of thing is very common in shark movie posters. Sharks just don’t have time for your titles. 

     Each shark head is very busy consuming a mangled person (or letter). I’m amazed by this poster’s homage to Goya; namely, his painting Saturn Devouring His Son. The poster draws upon the unsettling feeling shown in the first artwork, giving it a unique spin by making Saturn the six-headed shark. Limbs dangle from each mouth as the creature goes into a frenzy. It contrasts nicely with the tropical colors and blast of cheese powder. Normally I’d wonder how a six-headed shark digests several people from several heads, but since it’s obviously symbolic I’ll let it slide. 

    Still, the whole poster is kind of a mess. Who thought a six-headed shark was a great idea for an on-budget movie? It seems rather jarring and schlocky, what with the heads all having the same pose and expression. 

RATING: 3.5. Not bad, but not excellent. Okay, I may have picked too many posters.

   This is the last one on the list, and everything’s coming full circle now. Remember Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, and how the two creatures seemed rather cuddly? According to this poster, they got really cuddly, and now their child is learning the family trade.

    Okay, that’s not true. Apparently the titular Sharktopus was “created for the military,” but that doesn’t matter. Mega Shark/Giant Octopus is canon! Observe their hybrid child, with his glossy skin and random spikes around his gills. Just look at those tentacles. Yes, technically they’re arms. But still, just look at the way they loop around Bikini Woman’s leg as she attempts to look afraid. Notice the way she puts her hand in Sharktopus’s mouth. It keeps happening! (I jest. The Sharktopus OTP is Sharktopus/Whalewolf.) Passion gleams in his dark eyes, while Bikini Woman stares at his mouth in slack-jawed fascination.  

   The background is a nice contrast to the dark allure of the scene. It’s a plasticky turquoise ocean that shines under an unseen sun, a backdrop to the incredible CGI happening before us. It’s just so excellent. Sharktopus looks like he’s been dipped in clear varnish, and his mottled, bruise-colored tentacles allude to his tumultuous youth. It also alludes to the fact that he’s part octopus, and octopuses are awesome. I know I say that about a lot of things, but octopuses are mind-explodingly incredible. The idea of a shark/octopus hybrid is a gift from the Muses themselves, delivered to whatever mystic prophet was brave enough to make this film and subsequent poster. 

RATING: 4.5. Very cool.

That brings us to the end of my list. I hope you enjoyed our dive into the selachian fine arts. It’s important to note that I don’t condone the mistreatment or endangerment of sharks. Despite what these movies may communicate, sharks are not demonic and bloodthirsty. The biggest one isn’t even carnivorous! Plus, meat-eating sharks dislike the taste of human flesh. Most “attacks” were the shark taking a nibble, then spitting the person out! These low-quality shark movies have been criticized for making more people hate and fear sharks. I encourage anyone reading this to actually learn stuff about sharks because they are cool.

     Still, these posters will live on as shining examples of what happens when some guy named Spielberg says, “You know what would freak people out? SHARKS,” and then everyone else agrees. These posters are surprisingly deep and artistic. They form an entire galaxy of 1-star reviews, shining brightly amidst the murky “high-budget” shark movies. Who knows, Sharknado may well outshine The Meg in a few years! Let me know if there are other schlocky masterworks I can review. I’m always on the lookout for modern classics.

[starrsarchive]

pretty please may i have song recs

yes yes!!!!

i don't know what genres you like but here's a few recommendations :))

alt, rock, etc: anything by the pixies and deftones, i don't wanna be me by type o negative, schizophrenia by sonic youth, disorder by joy division, sleepwalking by bring me the horizon, linkin park is also great

indie, folk, etc: anything by mitski and syd matters, harpy hare by yaelokre (or anything by them tbh), anyone else but you by the moldy peaches, paul, shark smile, and velvet ring by big theif, southern sky by alex g, anything by slowdive

old romance stuff: anything frank sinatra, forever by the little dipper, misty by lesley gore, the dance is over by the shirelles, be my baby by the ronnettes

pop? (white girl car music): since u been gone by kelly clarkson, genie in a bottle by christina aguilera, anything britney spears and rihanna, walking on a dream by empire of the sun

divorced dad music (or mine at least): anything by the smiths, west end girls by the pet shop boys, somebody that i used to know by gotye & kimbra, anything by metric and cake, celebrity skin and petals by hole

southern gothic: hell's bells by cary ann hearst, black hole sun by sound garden, far from any road by the handsome family, rdr undead nightmare soundtrack (specifically anything by the kreeps), oh ana and sleep awake by mother mother, bukowski by modern mouse

midwest emo: anything by title fight, freshwater, and vs self, rasin lungs by your arms are my cocoon, lucifer loves me by summer 2000, other side of the ocean and wonder if you care by flyingfish, my meds aren't working by dystopia

other stuff (i don't know the genre): dove by antihoney, brutus by the buttress, anything by akira yamaoka, highway by elusin, and anything by crystal castles and pastel ghost

[nightsidewrestling]

D.U.D.E Bios: Saraid Grady-Sullivan / Sara Lucifarian (2021)

The Wrathful Imp Sara Lucifarian

Same pic as Sara hasn't changed much.

The seventh of the seven, the fireball of a young lady, Sara Lucifarian. Sara isn't particularly smart, wise, cunning, tactful, any of that, but she has what the others lack, pure rage that can be released at a moment's notice. If Damien were honest he'd probably say that Sara even scares him, but Damien would never admit such a thing, rather he has taken to locking Sara in a cage whenever she fights or locking her outside of buildings for street fights so that her rage may never be directed at him.

"Dare you to."

Name

Full Legal Name: Saraid Ginger Grady-Sullivan

First Name: Saraid

Meaning: From Old Irish 'Sárait', derived from 'Sár' meaning 'Excellent'.

Pronunciation: suh-RAI

Origin: Irish, Irish Mythology

Middle Name: Ginger

Meaning: From the English word 'Ginger' for the spice or the reddish-brown colour.

Pronunciation: JIN-jer

Origin: English

Surname: Grady-Sullivan

Meaning: Grady: From Irish 'Ó Gráda' or 'Ó Grádaigh' meaning 'Descendnt of Gráda'. The byname 'Gráda'means 'Noble, Illustrious'. Sullivan: Anglicized form of the Irish name 'Ó Súileabháin' meaning 'Descendant of Súileabhán'. The name 'Súileabhán' means 'Dark eye'.

Pronunciation: GRAY-dee. SUL-i-van

Origin: English

Alias: The Wrathful Imp, Sara Lucifarian

Reason: Sara isn't particularly tall, hence the 'imp' name and is a very rage-filled individual hence 'wrathful'.

Nicknames: Sara, Red

Titles: Miss

Characteristics

Age: 19

Gender: Female. She/Her Pronouns

Race: Human

Nationality: Irish-American

Ethnicity: White

Birth Date: April 7th 2002

Symbols: Bears, Red

Sexuality: Straight

Religion: Catholic

Native Language: English

Spoken Languages: English

Relationship Status: Single

Astrological Sign: Aries

Theme Song: 'Rich Kids [Middle Cla$$ MIX]' - New Medicine (2018-)

Voice Actor: Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Geographical Characteristics

Birthplace: Fort Greene, Brooklyn, New York

Current Location: Unknown

Hometown: Fort Greene, Brooklyn, New York

Appearance

Height: 5'1" / 154 cm

Weight: 115 lbs / 52 kg

Eye Colour: Blue

Hair Colour: Brown

Hair Dye: Section dyed red (& usually braided)

Body Hair: N/A

Facial Hair: N/A

Tattoos: (As of Jan 2020) 4

Piercings: Eyebrow piercing (Double right, single left), Inner eyebrow (Right), Bridge, Nose (Right), Anti-Eyebrow (Left), Shark Bites, Cyber Bites, Nipple (Both), Industrial (Left), Double Helix (Right), Triple lobe (Both)

Scars: None

Health and Fitness

Allergies: None

Alcoholic, Smoker, Drug User: Smoker, Social Drinker, Smokes Weed

Illnesses/Disorders: None

Medications: None

Any Specific Diet: None

Relationships

Allies: (As of Jan 2021) Damien Lucifarian, Vi Lucifarian, Billie Lucifarian, Geia Lucifarian, Honey Lucifarian, Eli Lucifarian, Yeray Marino, Flo Marino, Bano Marino, Judi Marino, Rino Marino, Nat Marino, Mac Marino, Ros Marino, Zac Marino, 'Monster' Mike, Sakurako, Ash Thunder

Enemies: (As of Jan 2021) Kirby Kingston, Eddie Kingston

Friends: Viola Nye, Bienvenida Marino, Pelageya Winter, Kirby Moore, Honey Di Napoli, Elinor Herbert, Paulette Nye, Zella Lum, Rosaura Marino, Emperatriz Romero-Marino, Venetia Winter, Barbara Di Napoli

Colleagues: The AEW locker room / Too many to list

Rivals: Alex Reynolds, Penta Oscuro, Jon Moxley, Jungle Boy, Yuka Sakazaki

Closest Confidant: Kirby Moore Viola Nye

Mentor: Damien Lucifarian

Significant Other: None

Previous Partners: None of Note

Parents: Desmond Grady (39, Father), Honora Sullivan (40, Mother)

Parents-In-Law: None

Siblings: Oscar Grady-Sullivan (16, Brother)

Siblings-In-Law: None

Nieces & Nephews: None

Children: None

Children-In-Law: None

Grandkids: None

Great Grandkids: None

Wrestling

Billed From: The Underworld

Trainer: Damien Lucifarian

Managers: Damien Lucifarian

Wrestlers Managed: None

Debut: 2018

Debut Match: Billie Lucifarian VS Sara Lucifarian. Sara won by Pinfall

Retired: N/A

Retirement Match: N/A

Wrestling Style: Street Fighter

Stables: The Lucifarians (2018-)

Teams: Post

Regular Moves: Kick to the Midsection, Diving Leg Drop, Forearm Smash, Diving Splash, Chair Shot, Jumping Knee Drop, Pump Handle Slam, Dropkick, Diving Back Elbow Drop, Berserker (Diving Knee Drop)

Finishers: Ripped Apart (Double Leg Slam), Son of Sam (Sitout Suplex Slam)

Refers To Fans As: The Wrathful, The Wrathful Ones, The Enraged, The Enraged Ones

Extras

Backstory: Raised by a college professor with her younger brother t her side whilst her mother is off fighting wars that Saraid herself doesn't believe in. Sara became Wrath after a long streak of street fights led to her to the underground parking lot beneath Damien's apartment building and straight into a face-to-face confrontation with the King of Hell himself.

Trivia: None of note

[denimbex1986]

'When renowned screenwriter Steven Knight set about formulating what would become one of his best creations, the modern gangster classic television series Peaky Blinders, he had a very important choice to make. He already had his main character fully fleshed out: Thomas Shelby, an ambitious, emotionally shut off war veteran who conducts himself like he's already dead and living on borrowed time. Knight was deliberating between two very different actors when deciding who best had the skills to embody Shelby. One of these men was an icon of the Irish acting scene, able to be in almost any kind of film you can imagine. The other was an icon of the rough and tumble action film scene, equally capable of fighting off sharks and jump-kicking down doors. It was the matchup nobody could have foreseen, Cillian Murphy vs. Jason Statham.

A Text to Steven Knight Gave Cillian Murphy the Upper Hand Over Jason Statham

Knight has told the story that he was torn between going with either of these two masters of the brood and the grumbling voice. According to The Independent, he said that he "met them both in LA to talk about the role and opted for Jason...because physically in the room Jason is Jason." You have to imagine that what he means by this is that Statham is a very impressive physical specimen in person, and that his tough guy persona is not entirely an act. Knight followed up by mentioning how Murphy "isn't Tommy, obviously, but I was stupid enough not to understand that." In his defense, Murphy is an incredibly soft-spoken and gentle soul, leagues away from the calculating killer Knight was looking for.

Seemingly sensing a disturbance in the Force, Murphy decided to pull a true giga-Chad move to ensure he'd get the role. Knight said that one day he received a text from Murphy, and what did that text say? "Remember, I'm an actor." At that moment, Knight realized that Murphy "can transform himself. If you meet him in the street, he is a totally different human being." Knight was finally able to see past Murphy's introverted exterior and realize he had what it took to live up to the Peaky Blinders standard.

Jason Statham Is Best as a Likable Action Star

This is no shade whatsoever to Statham — who has his own certain set of skills he brings to the table — but he could not bring to Thomas Shelby what Murphy did. While it's true that Thomas is a ruthless man who's killed before and has it in him to kill again, he is above all else a politician at heart. He is strategic in his methods, completely closed off in his emotionality even to his own most beloved family members, and ruthless in who or what he will use as collateral in order to get what he wants. If ever there was a modern anti-hero of deeply questionable morality to rival the likes of Tony Soprano or Walter White, it's Thomas Shelby.

While Jason has played his fair share of guys who aren't afraid to kill people or do continuously insane things just to stay alive, he is almost always portrayed in a totally positive manner. He is the modern day equivalent of a Charles Bronson or a Steve McQueen, the likable gruff hero who is always up against meaner, more overtly evil enemies. Don't get it twisted — he's great in these roles, as his combination of street knowledge and his comfort with quips make him the rare action star that feels equally at home in both types of flicks. He can be both the hardened badass in Parker or Wrath of Man, but also be a more humorous and slapstick version of his persona in films like Spy or The Expendables.

There are two downsides to the image he's maintained. For one, there's a noted pressure for action stars to continue to do roles that keep their core fanbase happy. People like Jason Statham because they want to see him do Jason Statham-type roles, and taking a chance on a more outside-the-box character like Thomas could be seen as a risk for his career. Second, there's always an underpinning of likability to his characters — almost to a fault. No matter what he does, we always feel like the movie is approving of his actions, with rare exceptions. Even his most prominent villain role, Deckard Shaw in the Fast and Furious saga, had to become a full-fledged good guy at some point because audiences loved seeing him on-screen and interacting with the main cast so much. Audiences feel compelled to be on his side, regardless of the consequences.

Cillian Murphy Can Better Embrace the Small Scale

As Murphy himself professed, he is "an actor," which is an understatement if ever there was one. Cillian Murphy has steadily built a reputation for himself as one of the consummate actors of our time, slipping from super villain, to Irish freedom fighter, to space captain with an impeccable ease. Plus, despite Knight's hesitations over picturing Murphy as such a tough threat like Thomas, Murphy has actually had a great history of playing men of imposing force. Think of his terrorist Jackson Rippner holding Rachel McAdams hostage and surviving getting stabbed in the throat with a pen in Red Eye, or the steadily increasing violence and chaotic behavior of one of his earliest roles in Disco Pigs, or even the coke snorting, gun toting, walking red flag that is Tom in The Party. These may not be muscular bruiser types that can knock heads together with ease like Statham can in his sleep, but they are men who are all full of murderous drive, and know how to keep themselves composed and proper in various social circles, while also projecting a sense of constant calculation and the ability to hide true emotions from everyone in the room except the audience.

To make a long story short, Murphy can carry a scene in a smaller scale register than Statham can. If we see Murphy sit like a stone for an entire scene watching everyone else, we read this as him gathering knowledge, playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers. If Statham does the same, we expect him to find the right time to interrogate someone or get what he wants through sheer fisticuffs, or perhaps even find a way to witty banter his way out of the situation. While Statham can be a quite stern actor himself, his is more a barreling full force kind of focus, like a determined dog chasing a car. The ambiguous and slippery nature of Murphy's temperament is much more fitting for the kind of expert power player that Thomas Shelby winds up being.

Thomas Shelby’s Casting Came Down to a Matter of Fit Above All Else

None of this is to cast any aspersions on Statham's abilities as an actor, but instead to highlight that he simply wasn't as good of a fit as Murphy. Statham bringing a lot of charisma and physical threat to a starring role is great for a slice of pulpy fun like Safe, but not as fitting for a multi season character study of a broken man manipulating the world around him to do what he thinks is right, even if that means potentially turning against his own trusted allies. That kind of moral confusion and ping ponging of conflicting motivations and actions is much more suited to an actor like Murphy, as there's simultaneously no audience pressure on him to fulfill the role of a standard likable hero and more freedom for him and the writers to explore the darker potential of the character in a way that feels honest to the material. It's important to keep in mind that ultimately, it's not a matter of getting the biggest actor for the role, but the right actor. Cillian Murphy was the right man for the job, by order of the Peaky f***ing Blinders.'

[cvrsedbody]

BEST SHARK BRACKET

Great White Sharks are a curious and intelligent species who, despite their well-earned reputation as an apex predator, are typically indifferent to human divers. Great White bites are not often fatal and are typically single, exploratory bites. However, there have been incidents in which humans have been partially consumed – so it's best to treat them with the caution and respect they're due!

Hammerhead Sharks are a very unique species with near 360 degree vision due to the bizarre placement of their eyes! Their snouts posses even more electroreceptors than other species and are frequently used to stun and pin down rays. Behavior can vary but they're typically not aggressive and migratory.

[isolationsandhatred]

OK ok listen.

I love landstill. It's such a cool archetype and so dear and close to my heart but for the most part it is Not Great. It has some glaring issues as an archetype other control lists like Oath or grixis midrange or jeskai tempo or delver or esper control just don't struggle with for the main part, cause we chose standstill as a card draw engine and kind of like Gush it has some Deckbuilding Requirements that make it tick. Part of this is being able to land a threat under a standstill, part of this is managing your standstills vs your absolute tempo and the strange pattern of mana investment that goes along with that, part of that is managing your opponent's tempo while keeping pressure up. I have tried a fair few landstill decks that attempt to balance this: temur landstill with wrenn and oko is a blast but has some card investment/mana spent for the effect issues. UW landstill with Timeless Dragon and Shark Typhoon is great too cause it has a super simplified mana base and can really lean on being able to play wastelands and urza's saga in the same shell as well as having access to stony silence which is just... pretty good. It, however lacks the explosiveness of a t1 oko, t2 standstill kinda start, which is fine, it's just far more control oriented and less midrange which I thought was an interesting dilemma and wanted to play around with.

Enter stiflenaught, a deck that's been around for ages and (a) has a simple manabase, (b) has some explosive clocks (c) has a low manacurve and (d) can toolbox exceptionally well with urza's saga.

I took a stiflenaught shell and modified it to be standstill-compatible and to use lurrus because balance is cracked and we kind of wanted white anyways. This produced a pile of jank so monstrous that it took me a hot second to parse the play patterns associated with it and pare it down to a somewhat-workable pile. We're on a 61 card special because... uh, I like memes? Anyways, here's the list and I've had a lot of fun jamming it. Remember folks, vintage is cool and proxies are based af.