#great now I’m angry about citadel again too

[hey-its-sybarite]

I just watched Argylle and folks, don’t. Don’t do it.

[sirgwaiine]

@goth-emrys as soon as I read your ficlet about merwaine shenanigans, this popped into my head and I had to get it out

-.-.-.-.-.-

“Merlin!”

Merlin sighs and turns to watch as Gwaine collides with the door to the physician’s quarters.

“One of these days that door is going to come off of its hinges and I’m forcing you to fix it. I have too much on my plate already,” he complains. In return, Gwaine puts his hands to his chest, a faux-butthurt expression on his face.

“C’mon, Merlin, I haven’t even said anything,” Gwaine counters, but Merlin’s just shaking his head. He should have slept in this morning.

“Gwaine, that’s the way you say my name when you get into trouble and need my help to get you out of it,” Merlin replies, “and I’m swamped right now.”

Gwaine just smirks and makes puppy eyes. Or, tries to. Instead it just looks like that time Merlin pranked him during Samhain. Merlin’s never seen eyes look so close to actually popping out of their sockets.

Merlin groans, and Gwaine mutters a little “yes” before scrambling over to Merlin. Before Gwaine can even mention the trouble he’s in, they hear a stampede clambering through the hallway, shouting angrily.

“Betting again?” Merlin asks. Gwaine just chortles, but it stops at the “Knight or not, I’m gonna kill you!” that echoes its way from the hall into the open door.

“Hide me?” is all Gwaine says in response, and all of a sudden, Merlin knows how they can both benefit from this.

“Of course,” the warlock responds, a dastardly and enthusiastic grin on his face.

At the change in mood, Gwaine’s putting his hands up, a “wait” leaving his lips, but Merlin’s already begun speaking in the old tongue. Suddenly, it’s not the Gwaine he knows standing before him, but an old man with Gwaine’s eyes, surprise and displeasure writ clear across his face.

“Hey, beggars can’t be choosers,” Merlin says, delighted, and he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to wipe the smirk off of his face.

Gwaine’s old body is plopping down grumpily on the patient’s cot as a horde of angry townsfolk burst through the door. Again, Merlin can’t help but think how pissed he’ll be if that thing comes off of it’s hinges.

“Where is he?” grumbles an old man at the front of the pack. Merlin turns to them with a disappointed frown on his face.

“Where is who? This is the physician’s quarters. You can’t be in here while I’m with a patient,” Merlin scolds, gesturing to Gwaine on the cot. Gwaine takes the opportunity to groan and mumble to himself, gripping his abdomen. Merlin can’t help it.

“This man has been backed up for days. You can’t imagine the pain he’s in right now,” he almost blows it with a laugh, “The last thing he needs is this pileup barging in and blasting through while he’s in such a vulnerable state.”

The townspeople look genuinely unsure at this point. On the one hand, the physician’s quarters are at a dead end in the citadel, meaning there’s nowhere else Gwaine could have gone. On the other hand, they mean no disrespect to this elderly man. Merlin decided to really sell it.

“I’ve just given him a remedy of buckthorn and senna leaf. Do you really want to infringe upon his comfort as his body releases such a great accumulation of waste?”

Merlin’s got his hands on his waist, eyebrows knit, as he watches them catch up one by one. Then, all at once, they turn and scramble out the door.

“Oi! He’s going to be making some truly terrible noises! You can’t give him his privacy?” Merlin yells after them, and the last he sees of the crowd is a hand roughly yanking the door closed. He stares at it for a brief moment, and then he’s almost doubled over with laughter as he turns back to Gwaine. Gwaine who’s trying for unimpressed, but can’t quite seem to get the corner of his mouth to come down.

As Merlin calms down from his fit, Gwaine just looks at him, eyebrows raised and arms slightly extended, palms face up.

“Thanks for the assist, mate. I’m ready to be dashing again.” Now it’s Merlin’s turn to be unimpressed.

“Sorry, I seem to have forgotten how to reverse this one,” Merlin tells him, and for a second Gwaine’s face blanches, eyes wide again, before he smooths his face.

“Very funny, change me back,” he tries again, but Merlin’s already shaking his head.

“I think there’s a lot you could learn in a night as an old man. Like how to appreciate friends. And how good a nice soup truly is-“

“Merlin, please, you know I appreciate you and all you do, you can’t leave me like this,” Gwaine begs, but Merlin refuses to relent.

“I do, but this is too much fun,” the warlock replies. “Now get out of here before I decide to put buckthorn and senna leaf in your next meal.”

At that, Gwaine eases himself off the cot and stumbles his way toward the door, groaning and muttering the whole way.

When Gaius enters the room almost an hour later, he watches his ward with concern as Merlin laughs to himself, still wiping tears from his eyes.