#great fuckin game my dudes cant believe i missed it

[soras-noodle-arms]

softly, but with feeling: 

every day, i imagine a future where i can be with you...

in my hand, is a pen that will write a poem of me and you...

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself.  i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he?  like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it.  So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit.  That’s yet another way to put it.  Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today?  cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad!  Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything.  --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects.  That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place.  The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers.  This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth?  or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be.  :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2.  So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations.  Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for?  Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues.  And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit.  Karkat’s limited lifespan.  As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation.  We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we?  >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus.  I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason.  Which it won’t!  Right???  >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck.  I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry.  God damnit.  SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!!  *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends.  That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true.  What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this?  It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm.  Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy?  Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff.  He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much.  <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!!  Point taken.  Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome.  I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up.  :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice.  Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat.  See y’all next time!

[boy-who-never-grew-up]

MGG smut plz dont read this

“Oh what-can-it mean to a daydream believer and a homecoming queen“ I sing as the songs ends “Cheer up sleepy jean”

Claps come from the drunken maybe 30 or so people at the karaoke bar. I take an overzealous bow and try to keep my balance. The room spins slightly as I stand straight up. The DJ loudly announces the next singer and song as I walk back to my group of friends. They give another drunken round of applause and compliments all around, even though I really butchered the last verse in “Sleepy Jean”. I feel my best friend yank on my arm and pull me closer to her face.

“Look who came in half way through..” She pointed vaguely across the bar at a group of people, none of which whom I knew. “Tonight is your night, I told you. Did I not?”

As she talks eagerly in my ear, I look deeper into the crowd. I remain unsure of what the fuck she’s talking about. I quickly sweep over and over again, looking for a familiar face, but I find none.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I stop her mid-ramble.

“It’s what’s his nuts... You know from the show you watch- not Law & Order the other one... What’s his fuckin’ name the tall cute one.” She yells into my ear, as if I’ll understand her better the louder she is.

“Matthew Gray Gubler?” I ask.

“YES! I knew his name, damn. Yes! He’s here, he walked in half way through your song.” She excitedly gets her point across and tugs on my arm.

“No fucking way, you’re wrong.” I scoff at her.

There’s no way he’s here. I try to look again, but now there are more people at the bar in the way of whoever was there before. She pulls me about two feet to our left and positions our heads just right and points across the room; much more specific now.

On the other side of the room, by the bar and near the wall, I see a man with curly hair with a drink in his hand by his mouth, but like he was too enthralled with what his response would be to whoever is talking to him so he couldn’t take a drink. He smiled wide as he listened, and I watched for a second or two as he gave his response, they both laughed, and he finally took a drink. 

“Fack.” I spoke bluntly “Fucking shit dude.”

“You have to talk to him, I’m not giving you the option. This is happening.” My friend spoke, still attached to my arm with excitement. 

“He’s probably here with someone.” I immediately excuse.

“He’s literally not. Oh my- listen, all you gotta do is talk to him. The worst that happens is you get turned down.” She refutes “This is a one time chance, and you’ll regret it if you don’t do it”

Anxiety rises in my chest through my stomach as I watch him and his friends move to the open pool table. I feel like my fucking mouth is sweating and like there’s no way that I’m gonna be able to go over there and say anything to him.

“Plus, you’ve been saying you wanna try to hoe it up a little. this is the perfect time. Vacation, bar, pretty guy.” She grabs my chin and turns my face to her to make demanding eye contact “You look extremely hot tonight. Your ass- looks great in those jeans, I cant stop staring. Literally, everywhere we have been I’ve had to keep the guys off of you. You’re the one in charge here.”

She speaks with such confidence and power. She raises her eyebrows at me as if to say “Are you gonna go fucking do it?” So I take a big huff and ball up my fists and turn to start walking over. I’m suddenly feeling how actually drunk I am, and if I wasn’t so drunk, that would make me nervous that I’m gonna look like a complete idiot. I suddenly realize that I have no game plan and the drink I’m holding is just ice at this point. I’m about ten feet away and there’s no stopping because it is now very clear that I was actively making my way across the room to this specific spot. I’m physically shaking at this point where I walk up right behind him as he leans over the pool table. I watch as he misses his shot and stands back up. I take a deep breath and let it out as I step up next to him and look up to smile.

“Hi.” I say, hopefully loud enough for him to hear.

“Oh, hello.” He says back to me and smiles.

There’s silence for a second, he looks back to his friends taking their turns, and back to me.

“Can I buy you a drink?” I blurt out, after what seems like holding it in for minutes in silence.

“Ah,” He looks at his half empty drink and back to me “Sure. You heading to the bar?” 

He points to the bar, and honestly, I’m just surprised I made it this far.

“Yeah!’ I respond, trying to keep my cool.

We both take off in direction of the bar and I am mentally trying to sober myself up to walk a straight line. As we reach the bar, he turns to me and immediately reaches out his hand to shake it.

“I’m Matthew.” 

I shook his hand and gave him my name with a smile. 

“What are you drinking?” I ask him, pointing to his drink.

“Ah, whatever seasonal beer this is.” He twists his bottle to look at the label, and then turns it for me to see as well “What about you?”

“Gin and tonic.” I say and raise my drink a little.

“Oh, wow. You look really young for a sixty year old dad.” He dead pan says to me.

My jaw drops with a hint of a smile. I feel a wave of peace come over me as we both laugh and I defend my drink choices. 

“Cheap beer seems to get the job done for me.” He says and takes another drink.

“I can’t help that I just have a refined palette.” I tease.

He nods towards his friends to gesture that we I follow him, as he turns to walk back to his friends.

“Are those your friends?” He points to the group of girls I came with who are now walking up to do a karaoke song together.

“Oh gosh, they really are drunk.” I say as “Ice Ice Baby” comes on over the speakers.

He laughs and leans down slightly to say to me “Are you not?”

I giggle and turn to look at him as I say “I mean yeah, but not group Ice Ice Baby drunk.”

He smiles at me and grabs the pool stick he had earlier and steps up to take his shot.

“They’re about to fuckin’ kill it though just watch.” I add in.

He misses his shot, hands the pool stick to his partner, then grabs his friends attention and introduces me to them and vice versa. I smile and wave extra awkwardly and sip at my drink which is starting to only taste like lime and not gin.

“Are you gonna do another song?” He crosses his arms and looks at me before looking back at my friends going hard to “Ice Ice Baby”.

“Uh, yeah I think so. I’m still trying to decide what song I wanna do.” 

I watch as my friends start to get sloppy at the mic and laugh a little. Matthew speaks to me again, but this time he’s much closer than before. He cranes down a little to listen and speak to me.

“What are your choices?” He asks.

I dare not turn to look at him lest his face be close enough for me to analyze under the dim bar lights and see the color of his eyes. I keep my eyes on the group of girls at the front rapping their hearts out.

“I’m thinking What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes or maybe I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston.” I say loudly.

“Ooh, throw backs. I love it.” I can hear his laugh much clearer now 

“You should do 4 Non Blondes, if you care what I think.” He adds that last part as he stumbles over his recommendation.

Smart. Also, good suggestion. I smile and nod.

“Yeah, I think you’re right.” I say coolly and step forward to walk to the DJ.

I’m freaking out that I’m actually maintaining this casual courtship so fuckin’ well. He seems to want to talk to me, which is amazing, and I’m not tripping over my feet or stumbling over my words. I can feel my cheeks tighten as I smile walking towards the DJ booth. I wait as the last song finishes and I am handed a mic to head out. All through the song, all I can think is that he’s watching me. Normally I like the attention, but right now I feel nervous-like when you’re forced to participate in something as a child. I try to relax and get into the song. I close my eyes and after awhile it’s just me and the music. I do my best, even give a little bit of a performance. I do another bow as the song ends and smile. I look up to see him standing in the back smiling and clapping. My heart races as he smiles wider when my eyes catch his. I hand the mic back to the DJ and walk back towards him. I left my drink at his table, irresponsible around strangers I know, but I had felt like I needed a reason to come back to him. I walk past my table and give one friend a high five and my best friend smacks my butt as I pass. She grabs my arm and stops me before I walk away.

“If we all need to crash in their room so you can have our room at the hotel, that’s fine. I can stay with them tonight. I am in all support of this.” She whispers in my ear.

I smile and thank her for her kind idea as I continue my walk back towards that tall tall man. 

“Hey! That was great!” he perks up as I near him.

Nervously, he raises his hands and I don’t think initially he knew what he was doing, but I didn’t either. We both end up double high fiving and then awkwardly looking away because we both knew that was so fucking stupid. I grab my drink and make sure to thank him for the compliment before I sip. 

“What did your friend say into your ear? Looked like she was gonna rip your arm off.” He says as he finally turns back to me.

I take a breath and turn back to him to make eye contact.

“She heavily implied some very inappropriate things.” I smile and take another drink.

“Oh! That’s super awesome.” He says blankly. 

“She’s very set and steady that I take you back to my hotel tonight.” I said honestly “However, I literally have never gone up to a man and bought him a drink at a bar and I’m just not sure that I could really get myself to a place that I could do that.”

“Well, you’ve already done the hard part right? Taking initiative. I’ve never had a girl by me a drink before, surprisingly. I’ve had some ask if I could buy them a drink. So, it’s a first time for me too.” He reassures me.

“Is that something that you would want to do? Take me to your hotel room?” He says as he sets his beer at the table with my drink and leans on it, facing me directly.

“I’m not really sure. I feel like there’s so much to disclose before something like that but the bar isn’t the best place to do it.” I reply honestly.

He scrunches his nose and nods “I totally get it. I don’t feel like I have to tell you but, you don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do.”

“Well,” I start before taking a sip of my drink “Is that something you would want to do? Go back with me?” 

“Do you wanna have another drink? We could sit down when I’m done with this pool game.” He replies.

“Actually, I need to drink some water.” I shrug “I have to make ‘responsible decisions’“ 

I pfft my tongue at that and smile. 

“Who says?” He laughs as he responds.

“I do, actually.” I blush and look down at my drink, away from his smiling face.

“Well, do you wanna sit down over a couple waters then?” He suggests.

I look back at him and smile and nod. I wait as he finishes the pool game, every so often coming back and standing by me to talk to me. Occasionally, my friends would wave me down and give me extremely obvious thumbs up and gestures to check my phone.

I roll my eyes and give in and check my phone.

:“you need the room or nah? we tryna to head back”

I huff and look up at Matthew. It couldn’t hurt right? It’s once in a lifetime thing, I  have to.

:”I think so, but we’re gonna hang out a lil more”

:”k we’ll get anotha drink then call the lyft.”

:”Okay”

I set my phone down on the table and look up to the opposing team taking the winning shot. Matthew drops his shoulders and pouts for a second, but quickly moves on to come stand by me.

“I’ll be right back.” He says and sets his half empty bottle down at the table and walks towards the bar.

I fidget with my nails as I wait, nervously. He seems sweet, and he seems to be just as awkward as me. As confident as it must seem to offer him a drink, I feel so small and dumb. He clearly came here with his friends to play pool and now I’ve ruined that. 

As I worry through my thoughts, he comes back to the table and sets down two large glasses of ice water. Luckily, he’s good at sparking questions and the conversation went on pretty well. He’s very awkward but somehow it makes me feel comfortable. We talk about pets and coffee and youtube videos and it goes well. Really, not what I had expected from trying to pick someone up from a bar. He asks for pictures of my pets and of course I show him. We talk about classic rock and our favorite bands. Comparing oldies and swooning over Bright Eyes. We sip through the remainder of our drinks and keep going on about music. At about a third of water left, somehow religion gets brought up religion and other beliefs. At water empty, it started getting deep. Bringing up childhood trauma and dealing with death. 

I look over at my friends and they are standing around as if they’re waiting. I dismiss myself quickly and head over to them.

“Hey, you guys can go...” I interrupt.

Shrieks of shock and joy come from them but I try to shush them as much as possible.

“Listen, I’m not promising anything will happen. But, I’m going to stay and chat with him a bit. I’ll get another Lyft.” 

They all smile and tease me. I give them hugs and send them off as they spew warnings about men and encourage me to have fun.

“Looks like you missed your ride.” I jump as Matthew speaks next to me.

“Oh, uh yeah. They’re gonna head out, I just wanted to hang out a little more...” I excuse.

“Those things you wanted to disclose... “ He turned to look at me “We can get an Uber, is that a good place to talk?”

My heart thumps through my chest as I look him in the eyes. He has another cup of water in a paper cup in his hand and the Uber app open in his other.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, that would be fine.” I stumble out.

“Are you sure? I mean, we can just share the ride back nothing has to happ-”

“Yes, I would like to. I want to.” I cut him off.

“Cool, well, we have like fifteen minutes until the Uber is here. Did you want another water?” He offers the cup in his hand with a smile.

“Sure, thanks.” I say as I take the cup.

We both kind fall silent as we wait. Like everything to be said here at the bar has been said. The next dialogue is to be in the car. The disclosure. We’re in the loading screen. I spend a little time peeing in the bathroom and checking my makeup. The rest I spend internally panicking. Not in a “I don’t wanna do this” way but more like “There’s no way this is really happening” way. Occasionally, we would catch each others eye contact and blush and smile. It feels good to know that he is just as nervous as I am.

*In the car*

“Let’s disclose this foreclosure!” Matthew declares as we get on the road.

“I don’t think that makes sense.” I tease.

“Yeah, y’know I tried. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah I know what you mean.” I mumble.

The car is so quiet compared to the bar. The late night empty roads seem deafeningly silent. I try not to look him in the eye again. There’s so much I want to say, but how does one even say them?

“So?....” He starts.

“So?” I stall.

“What did you wanna talk about?” He pushes.

“I’m not... Well, I’ve never just hooked up with someone.. I guess.. Like, outside of a relationship, and just really have never had an experience that I was satisfied with. There’s so much I want, but I’ve never had someone to give that to me, y’know.” I can feel that I’m definitely still pretty buzzed and saying things is coming rather easy once the first word comes out.

He smiles as he watches me explain my predicament.

“Yeah, I’m not really one to really go home with people from bars either so we’re on the same boat there.” He reassures me.

I can see his eyes watching me intently. Watching my lips intently. As I talk I feel my words being seen. He licks his lips once as he listens.

“I just feel like, if I’m gonna hook up with someone, I should go all out right? Trying to mix your body with someone’s that you don’t even know seems complicated. I feel like it’s trial and error and time, and all I’ve ever been is dissatisfied.”

“Anything else?” He says quietly, still not breaking his stare.

At this point we’re both facing each other in the back seat, nearly dismissing the middle seat entirely.

“I don’t think I can promise I won’t catch feelings for you.” I say finally, letting out my breath as I do.

He pauses for a second, I don’t think he even breathes, but he says “I’m fine with that.”

Before I know it, the gap between us is closing. He moves in hastily like he’s been craving to kiss me. I bring my hand to his cheek and kiss him back. He lays one hand on my neck and the other on my hip as he almost pushes me back in my seat, hungrily stealing kisses. I hold his hand that lay on my neck and snake my other arm around his neck. We keep kissing as the ride goes on. Going back and forth between peppering kisses on each others lips to overwhelming amounts of open mouth exploration. His right hand slides down and over my chest, and though I’m holding his hand, I can tell he didn’t just move there for convenience. If I wasn’t buckled in, he would have me on his lap right now. Which is really where I wanted to be. 

The car ride felt both too short and too long. Making out in the backseat is a world I could get lost in. Ahead, in the hotel I need to be ready to get real. Making out in the backseat is easy and actually hooking up with someone is complicated. I could stay in this sweet bliss forever,.

As the car rolled up to the hotel doors, we parted lips. I go to pull away but he holds me in place for a moment.

“I want you to know... I promise I won’t disappoint you.” He tells me, softly and kindly.

After we get out of the car, Matthew runs around to meet me and we walk into the lobby together. Down the hall, away from the front desk, he grabs my hand and leads me. He kisses my hand before pulling me in to kiss me on the mouth again.

“Fuck, I really like kissing you.” He says as he smiles against my lips.

“We’re almost to the room.” I try.

“Which one is it?” He asks, in between kisses.

“Next one on the left.” 

“You have the key?” He asks, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer.

I push the key into his hand then, to my surprise, he literally sweeps me off my feet. Okay, maybe not literally. With his arm tightly around my waist, when he stands, my feet come off the floor. He unlocks the door and ushers us inside. He tosses the key card and drops me onto the edge of the bed. He plops down beside me and immediately grabs my face and begins kissing me again. Through this, he sloppily takes off the flannel he has on top of his pink t-shirt and tosses it across the room onto the desk. This time, he pushes his fingers back into my hair and I wrap my hands around his wrists. He pulls away to speak, but he stays close and doesn’t open his eyes. The glimpse of him that I catch he looks breathless. Like drinking a full glass of water after a drought.

“You said that there’s so much you want...” He says slowly “What do you want?”

“I don’t know,” I mumble “I’m all over the place man.”

He kisses me again before he speaks “How about...” Another kiss “I can start off, y’know, in charge...” Another kiss “And when you feel comfortable,” Another “You can do whatever you want..”

His kisses stray from my lips and down my chin. Over my my neck and to rest on my shoulder. Here stayed many, placed tenderly. I feel him rest his head against me, his hot breath wafting down my chest.

“We’ve got the room all night, right?”

My fucking heart stops. This won’t be disappointing.

“Yes.” I say in almost a whisper.

“Yes you want me to take charge or yes we have the room all night?” He sits upright, away from me.

My body reacts to him pulling away, too soon. I catch myself from reaching out after him. 

“Yes to both.” I agree.

“Sweet.” he nods “I have promises to fulfill.” 

He gently pushed me back to lay down, slowly looming over me as I do. His hand runs down my chest, my stomach, and to my hip. He leans down to kiss me, but only once before layering kisses down my chest to the edge of my shirt. He slides down to rest on his stomach and pushes my shirt up slowly, followed by a trail of kisses. He breathes slowly against my skin as the shirt moves higher and higher up my chest. I finally take the liberty of just removing the shirt to get it out of the way. He re-positions himself again, on his knees, leaning on his right arm and his other underneath me, reaching at the bra clasp. Just as I thought hungry Matthew was gone, he pulls the bra off completely and immediately presses his mouth to my chest. Wet, soft, and suckled kisses wander across my breasts and quickly turn to starved rough kisses and light bites of skin. He moves down over my stomach, taking time adjust to the curves and rolls of my body, before laying a fully contacted wet one onto my skin. 

At the top of my jeans he stops, resting his head against my skin and pulls at the sides of my pants.

“These looked great on you, but now they gotta go.” He mumbles.

Swiftly unbuttoning my pants, he continues to lay kisses on my exposed skin. He large hands pull at the sides of my jeans, this time successful, and pulled then down over my legs, off my feet, and tossed them to the floor. I feel the rumble as he lets out a whiny groan against my stomach. 

“Tell me to stop whenever.” He says as he pulls down my underwear, slowly, all the way off my legs.

“Please, don’t stop.” I say in a hushed voice, already ashamed of what I wanted from him.

I can feel him smile against my skin as he begins to press kisses to my thigh.

“I like that ‘please’.” He kisses further in, where leg meets body.

I feel his tongue glide up my bikini line and over the bare skin near my hips.The chill tickles me and my body tenses one degree more. He sits upright, still holding my leg, at the ankle now and rubs his other hand down my leg.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, okay?” He asks softly “But I wanna hear you say please.” 

He kisses my ankle and holds his lips there, waiting for my response.

I pause for a moment, wondering what exactly I should say. A jumbled murmur of unfinished asks stream out of my mouth.

“Yes, please... I want you to. I want to. Please.”

“Fuck,” he whispers, lips still pressed to my ankle “don’t have to ask me twice”

I brace my nerves as he kisses up my leg and slides his tongue up into the folds of my pussy. He places a wet kiss at my clit before running his tongue down, around, and inside me. I hide my face with my arms, and try to steady my breath. I feel his arm that’s not wrapped around my thigh slide up my stomach and his hand grasps mine.

“Hey,” he pulls his mouth away from my wetness, and kisses my tummy once “Uncover your face.”

He pulls my hand away from my face and intertwines his fingers into mine.

“I want you to look at me.” He says, with sweet nurturing eyes as he leans his cheek against my thigh.

He kisses my leg with the side of his mouth as I take a breath and uncover my face to meet his eyes. He never breaks eye contact as he goes back down on me. I watch intently, trying to control my facial reactions, as he utilizes his whole tongue and head movements to pleasure me. I can’t help but whine as I watch him so intently do his best to make me feel good. Every time his tongue touches my clit, I flinch and tense, leaving behind a trail of “Oh”s and “Ah”s. I try desperately, but it’s so hard to keep my eyes on his when all I want to do is close my eyes and lean my head back. Not to mention, it feels so vulnerable, him watching me as I come undone. As I feel a tension in my stomach begin to rise, I hide my face once more with my free hand. I feel his touch get lighter and I can hear his soft pleading voice, in between sweet sultry kisses.

“Relax, okay?” he begs me.

I nod, still hiding my face and mumble “I know, I’m just embarrassed.”

“Hey,” he whispers once again as he hovers up to kiss my face.

“I love this,” his hand that holds mine pulls down over his jeans and atop his hardening cock “Trust me. Please don’t be embarrassed.”

He lets go of my body and stands upright on his knees. I watch as he slowly lifts his shirt over his head and off his body. He tosses it to the ground and quickly undoes his pants. He pushes them down and awkwardly struggles to get them all the way off, and even more so as he tries to toss them away. I giggle a little as I watch him. Even on his knees he towers over me but he’s so soft that it’s calming. When he finally draws his attention back to me, a big smile crosses his face. We both take a second to just laugh a little. He licks his lips, and my eyes start to wander down his body. His sharp shoulders and thin frame. The muscles on his arms tense in pulses and his hands, making their way back to my body, feel like they encompass all of my skin whole. I can feel every joint in his skinny hands as as squeezes my waist a few times before descending back to my body.

His mouth quickly goes back to work, kissing my pussy like he was so desperately kissing my mouth earlier. I let myself watch him, but I let myself enjoy it too. I watch his bare shoulders and neck, tensing every time he moves his head. I let out a shaky moan as he hums against my core and loudly makes out with my body. My moans grow louder with every flick of his tongue and it sets me off more when I hear him begin to moan from his own pleasure he derives from getting me off. Any sense of fear and holding back, leaves me body as I can feel the energy rising within me. Finally, I tangle my fingers in his messy curly hair and hope he doesn’t mind that I pull on it as he begins to bring me to my climax.

“Oh, oh.” I whine “Don’t stop, please don’t stop.”

He laughs between strokes of his tongue and continues the movement he was doing, but slightly faster than before. I ball my fists in his hair and cross my ankles on his back. My hips begin to lightly roll against his face and the sound of him begins to fade way in a mess of my own cries. His left hand comes around and pulls my hand from his hair and intertwines our fingers. My legs tense around his head as I spill over unto ecstasy in a heap of praise and a chorus of “Yes, yes, yes!”. When I squeeze my hand around his, he squeezes back and I don’t let go until I can finally relax and let my breath flow.

I let out breathy whines as he kisses up my torso and back to my lips. He kisses me like before and I can taste myself on his tongue.

“Fuck,” he says between kisses “You’re amazing.”

“You definitely didn’t disappoint.” I whisper in his ear as a tease and leave a kiss at the top of his jawline.

I begin to kiss his neck, and it’s salty from the small sweat he worked up pleasuring me.

“Well, I’m not done yet.” He mumbles, clearly distracted by my kisses.

He pulls himself closer to me, his chest on mine, and I can feel his erection underneath his underwear. I can’t help but moan, knowing that he’s hard from eating me out and feeling his full size against me. He shivers and I lay a few bites on his skin. I push his underwear down as he wraps his arms around me and leans his full weight on top of me.

"Do you want me?" He mutters in my ear.

"Yes, fuck yes I want you." I reply, desperately.

I tried to hold onto his shoulders but as he pulled away to align himself with me my hands landed in his hair. I tighten my grip as he enters me, letting out his own moan of satisfaction.

"Fuck," our stomachs brush together as he pushes into me "Fuck, it's tight."

He lets out more of a cry in a shaky breath as he lays his face to rest in my neck. He says it's tight, but I'm not sure that he's not just bigger than what we were both accounting for.

His arms hold tight around my body and he forms a rhythm, pulling in and out of me, pushing deeper everytime. He fills me completely but I don't think he's even all the way in. The thought of him is ravishing, but feeling him actually pumping in and out of me is making me delirious.

"Ah, ah," he moans into my neck "Fuck, you feel so good "

He starts pushing in harder, trying to fit his length inside. His right arm snakes up my body and his hand onto my hair. He pulls my head back as far as I can lean it, and bites my trap near my neck. With every stroke, he gets harder and harder, still yanking on my hair for momentum. His breathing dampens my neck as he pants with his movements. I can see his contorted face, nose scrunched and eyes shut tight, mouth hanging open letting all his moans spill out.

All at once, with his hand still in my hair and on my back, he flips me over on top of him. He lets both hands rest holding my ass, pulling me in the same rhythm he was before. I barely have to do any work as he moves my hips to make me fuck him. His right hand lines up my torso, pushing me to sit upright, and he massages my breast in his palm. He watches me for a second as I try my best to keep my hips moving. Then, again, he picks up my weight and sits up, pulling himself out of me. He kisses me once, tenderly before speaking.

"Turn around." He says against my lips.

I don't hesitate to respond to his demands, I turn around and lean down on my knees and elbows, widening my legs as much as possible. With one hand pressed into my back above my ass, and the other pulling on my hips, Matthew pounds into me. I bury my head in my hands and let him take what he wants. Listening to him unravel because of me raises tension inside. I cry out for him to go faster and without answering, he does. Strings of curses and praises drip from his lips like honey. I can tell he loves being inside me.

He pants faster and faster and stumbles over his words. His pace becomes unsteady and sloppy and I can tell he's gonna cum. His arms wrap around my body, his hands holding onto my opposing hip and shoulder, holding me in just the right spot for him to pump in and out of me a little more before he climaxes. Listening to him, I feel my peak rise and take over. I hold onto to his arms and stretch as I feel it pulse through my body. As I slowly loosen, I feel Matthew reach his climax as well, burying his head in the crook of my neck. I can feel his open mouth breath on my skin as he catches back up with oxygen. I run one hand up and through his hair, pulling him closer to kiss him on the face.

"You're amazing ..." I whisper to him.

He takes a deep breath and lets out a tiny moan against my skin.

"I keep my promises." He says lazily.

[tumblunni]

I cant believe ive progressed from "im gonna buy this slightly updated rerelease of a game i already own because science grandpa" to "im gonna reenter the kingdom hearts fandom and catch up on all the games i missed because science grandpa" to "im gonna get into an entirely new fandom literally just for science grandpa i mean dad"

Its probably best i start with the first game in the series tho, rite? Theyre all in continuity with the same protag and stuff unlike pokemon, apparantly. But still i worry that it wont be able to hold my interest in the first game cos apparantly THE FABLED SADDAD is only a late game boss with barely one single scene compared to his more fleshed out appearances in the sequels. I can only hope that everything else lives up to the power of he cuteness and every other yokai is equally monstery huggables! And im totally unspoiled for LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN THE GAME EXCEPT FOR MADDIMAN so lol for all i know it could be exactly my ultra fave and i just never knew it! I can at least give credit to the wiki makers for having it be easier to learn about one sad dad's plot without spoiling the rest of the game for yourself, thats better than pokemon and kh!

Oh but the one thing i do know is that everyone in the fandom is universally sad that they removed the female character option in the third game. Apparantly its cos now you have a second scenario with a new female character but it sucks that this means they canonized the male character as the "real" one for the first two games. Really sucks cos he's also the canon protagonist in the anime too and already gets 100% of the screentime in all promotional materials so i didnt even friggin know there was a girl option until years after i first heard of the game! JUSTICE FOR KATIE YO!!! Her design is infinately better than the ultra generic one for the dude. Like if their excuse for removibg her is "but theres a different female character who's nate's new friend and they both exist simultaneously" like why not have it so that if you play as katie you get a male version of that same character? Or if the excuse is to save cartridge space then literally just replace the new girl with "katie moves to america and has this separate adventure". Or even mix both and have it so that you can pick which protagonist is the one that moves and which stays? And have a prologue segmebt where the one who wasnt already the hero comes along and somehow something gets a yokai watch too and then new scenario, the end. Cos what ive heard is that both nate and katie are characters anyway, even if you dont pick them? The leftover one becomes your non yokai powered friend/love interest. Or is that just in the anime? But like if thats how katie is left canonically in the final game in the trilogy REGARDLESS OF YOUR GODDAMN CHOICES then yo it could be cool if the love interest got powers and joined you on a super double adventure! Thatd actually get me invested in your love plot! You could have loads of sweetness of them being long distance pals and maybe getting closer to confessing now theyre spending time apart. Cos a friend moving away is always super stressful and keeping in touch makes you worried theyre gonna forget you and all. Maybe have Katie finding her own yokai watch and entourage of spooky monsters while she's off in her new home and then nate is half AAAAA THIS IS SO COOL I CAN FINALLY TELL YOU MY SECRET and half OH GOD SHES GOT NEW BETTER FRIENDS SHES GONNA FORGET ABOUT ME. And katie maybe is worried that nate doesnt trust her as much as she thought he did, if he kept the yokai secret from her. And they could have awkwardness due to miscommunication and anxiety and RELATE THAT TO MADDIMAN'S FAMILY TROUBLES AND HAVE HIM BE A BIG ROLE IN THE PLOT RESOLVING IT BECAUSE MADDIMAN IS THE GODDAMN BEST! Also honestly the new girl character they replaced katie with DOES seem cool, im just mad that she replaced katie. So maybe keep her as an npc and she could be a cool new friend katie makes in america? Or yknow if they felt like ditching the "katie only exists for love interest uwu shes not the canon protagonist and never will be" crap then HEY MAYBE NEW GIRL COULD BE KATIE'S LOVE INTEREST?

ALSO maybe add a button to hug my yokai and have them follow behind you and also make custom rooms for them and decorate them and also give them snacks. Note: bunni has not played this game and does not know if any of these things have already happened and if they have then FUCK YEAH IM EVEN MORE EXCITED YO!!!!

Oh also i was checking up the version exclusives for the second game cos huh thats weird that only YW2 has two versions and both thw first and third game dont. I think i might go with bony spirits cos i had a good giggle at "herbiboy and carniboy" and i wanna throw my money at whoever made that pun. Like i kinda like how nonsensical it is in english where the pun doesnt exist? Its equally great either way! Why on earth does eating fried chicken make you a casanova! Well in japan its a pun but a dude holding a fried chicken bouquet is even funnier with absolutely no context. I honestly think his herbiboy form looks cuter tho and im sad that cos of his outfit people in the west will probably make jokes about him being an incel even tho his concept is meant to be "socially anxious dude who has no interest in dating women" rather than "those shallow fake shy dudes who whine about women not letting them smash". Since he turns into Carniboy by fusing with another male yokai i'd rather interpret it as "he was gay all along and only becomes a confident casanova when he embraces his true self". Like carniboy is the garnet of yokai? HERE AGAIN I GO GETTING ALL HYPED AND ATTATCHED TO RANDOM YOKAI BASED ENTIRELY ON THEIR CRANK-A-KAI DESCRIPTION ON THE WIKI

Also yo did u know theres a fuckin crank-a-kai?? Aka a gachapon machine of the damned?? Created by a punny gas(c)hadoro yokai whose giant towering skeletal scaryness is all wasted on being addicted to gacha games?? I love this. I especially love it cos gacha machines were the original inspiration for pokeballs so its like a fun callback to the franchise's bigger brother! But im also glad that the gacha thing is just one of many different minigames to catch yokai, cos i really dont like games thatre 100% random chance with no choices at all. THO STILL WHERE IS MY CHOICE TO HUG MADDIMAN....

[hahanoiwont]

hey could i get 98 with those good good boys ango and taako. or taakitz 75 i cant decide

went for the first one, but I may yet go for the second one too…I just had an idea for the first one that i really liked

98: “I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

please enjoy Ango’s Adventures in Not That Wonderland (not that one either)

The boy has been walking for a long time.

Forever, maybe.

The forest is bright around him, with giggles in the undergrowth. There was a wide, clear path at some point, but the boy has left it. He was curious about this forest and its vivid greens and reds, like a forest written about in a book by someone who has never been to a real forest. The dreamer’s forest, he thinks.

There is a crash in the undergrowth, and some irritable cursing.

The boy cannot stop, but he doesn’t speed up. The crash will follow him or it won’t.

It does, and soon there is a dove flying beside him.

“Hey, pumpkin,” the dove says.

“Hello,” the boy replies. The dove keeps pace with him as he continues, hovering at his side.

“Wow, what a walk in the woods. I see now why I never, ever go hiking in my spare time,” the dove says. The boy shrugs.

“I think it’s nice.”

The undergrowth is thick, but it parts for him. The dove has to fly close in order to avoid being hit.

“Yeah, love the fuckin’…weedy deathtrap,” the dove says. “Hey, I should make a fantasy vape trick called that. Mag–Maggie would think that’s real cool.”

“I didn’t know birds could vape,” the boy says politely. The dove lights down on his shoulder as he ducks under a low branch before taking off again.

“Not usually a bird, kiddo. That one’s on you,” it says.

“You can ride on my shoulder,” the boy offers. “I don’t mind.”

The bird ruffles its feathers mid-flight. “How about fucking no,” it says. “You shouldn’t offer that.”

It flaps in the boy’s face. “Actually, what the fuck’s with the dove thing anyway? You couldn’t see me as a, as a fuckin’ T-Rex? A mongoose? Something cool? All a bird can do is fly, I can already do that, I’m magic.”

“Sorry,” the boy says.

“Shouldn’t say that here, either. Be careful what you offer, sweetheart,” the dove says. It preens the boy’s hair. “Debts here are a bad idea.”

“I’ll get my student loans somewhere else,” says the boy. The dove snorts, and it occurs to him, distantly, that that isn’t something doves are usually known to do.

“You’ve got the smartest, richest people in the world lining up to give you a free education, kiddo, that’s not gonna be an issue.” It flies ahead for a moment and gets hit by a branch.

“Seriously, fuck this place,” it complains. “You should go home. Less stupid trees, and the ones we do have are attached to our stupid friends.”

The boy looks around him. The trees don’t look stupid to him. They look very friendly.

“You can go if you want,” he says. “I’m walking here.”

“Bada bing, bada boom,” the dove mutters, but it makes no move to leave.

Boy and dove keep walking in silence, before the boy remembers his manners. He’d never thought he would forget those.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he says. “What’s you name? Mine is–”

“Nope!” the bird interrupts. “No names until we’re home. It’s no good here, this isn’t a naming space.”

The boy is grateful, because now that it’s come up, he can’t seem to think of a name. It’s a slippery thought and it keeps getting away from him.

The dove seems to take pity on him.

“You can call me T…erry…miah,” it says. “Uh, yeah. Terry…miah. Terrymiah. That’s a name, and it’s for me.”

The boy frowns. “That doesn’t sound like a real name,” he says.

The dove gives the impression of a shrug. “That’s ‘cause it ain’t. You want a real name, you’ll have to find it yourself.”

“You can’t give it to me?” the boy asks.

“No,” says the dove. There is a beat of silence.

“I think Justin would be a better fake name,” the boy says.

“That’s my fake train name,” says the dove. “This is my fake dove name. Get it together An–gst machine. Angst machine.”

“What’s your real human name?” asks the boy.

“I think that one’s also Justin. I’m not a real human.”

“Fantasy human?” the boy guesses. He kind of likes this game.

“Not that, either. It’s not a good idea to give out too much identifying information right now.” The dove bats his shoulder with a wing. “We gotta get where we’re going.”

“Where are we going?” the boy asks.

“Depends on you. I vote home with a cozy fire to burn these fuckers right up and a nice meal. Can you eat fairies?” It stares into the undergrowth and the giggling fades. The forest seems darker with it gone.

“You don’t have to be rude,” says the boy. “My grandpa–”

He stops. Talking, not walking. He keeps on walking.

“Sorry, what?” he asks.

The dove follows. “You were telling me about your grandpa,” it says, softer than before.

The boy shakes his head. “I don’t think I have a family,” he says. “I don’t remember anyone who misses me. No one has called me home. I’ve been walking for an awfully long time. If someone loved me, wouldn’t they come visit me?”

The dove shakes its head.

“Look, kiddo, I can’t force you to believe you have or don’t have a family,” it says. “Like, I could tell you there are people who would fight extraplanar malevolent entities that scare the shit out of them specifically because they don’t want your home to die or you in it, but it goes in one ear and out the other if you don’t wanna believe it. And I know you can’t remember shit right now, and that–that sucks. It kinda trumps everything. One minute you’re telling your brother-in-law not to give up and the next your entire identity is ‘from TV!’ and that sucks.”

It clears its throat. “Not, uh. Not that that specific example has anything to do with anything. I just, uh, literally anyone would be better at this, fuck. But, uh, I have a family that’s looking for a little boy, if you’re in the market,” it says, almost shyly.

“You have a family who would want me?” the boy asks. He has a feeling, a vague, fleeting impression, that he shouldn’t be wanted. That he has never been wanted, and this forest is the only place that will love him.

“Yeah, I got one in mind,” the dove says. “It’s big. And loud. And everyone would get you the same edition of the same dumb book and you’d have like thirty copies of Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop Volume fuckity whatever, but only mine would be signed, so that one’s better.”

“I don’t know how to be family with a dove. Like, with biology. Don’t you only live like, five years?” the boy asks. He is intrigued by Caleb Cleveland, though. “Are the books good?”

The dove snorts. “Trust me, bubeleh, I’ve already long outlived what I’m supposed to, I got another few centuries in ol’, uh…Terrymiah…yet. And the books’re great, if you’re into nerd shit like that. My husband does shitty voices for all the characters.”

“I think you could do some voices too,” says the boy.

“Yeah, but mine are the fucking bomb. I own those characters,” the dove says.

The boy has a sneaking suspicion that he does not, in fact, own those characters. He has an inkling that Terrymiah the dove is a big liar.

“What about the story? Is it like a mystery?” The boy likes the idea of a mystery. A cool little puzzle to solve with his dads and moms and assorted aunts and uncles. He hopes it’s a really big family.

“Well there’s, uh, in this last one there’s a diamond heist,” the dove says. “I did a way cooler one a while ago, but this one’s okay too. Caleb has to find out who did it, only there’s these two gangs having a war and its messing up all the evidence. But it turns out, they’re having a war over diamonds! And Caleb’s gotta find out, see, are these the same diamonds? Were they sold off after the heist or are the gangs involved? And his mom wants him to help decorate for Candlenights but he’s gotta find all these diamonds, you know, catching crooks and solving clues, and–”

“And he has to hide the diamonds in the decorations!” Angus cheers.

“Wh–yeah!” the dove says. “He does! ‘cause he keeps finding ‘em and his police dude is MIA and shit!”

“That’s such a good book,” Angus says. “Can we read it again?”

“Absolutely,” the dove agrees. “Can’t believe I came all this way and it was Caleb fuckin’ Cleveland to–but yeah. Just as soon as we get home, okay, pumpkin? And after, like, a nap. Spell slots.”

“Spell slots?” Angus asks. The dove isn’t carrying a wand.

“Don’t worry about it. I got some more in me yet. Is that a clearing?” the dove hovers a little ahead, right in front of Angus’s face. He pushes it to the side, and it’s definitely suspect how it’s hovering just there and not falling or straining at all.

As he thinks it, the dove falls to the earth.

“Sir!” he says, kneeling next to it. “Are you–did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to see the clearing, I’m so–”

The dove rolls awkwardly until it finds its feet and shakes off its feathers, all wounded pride and apparently not at all wounded physically for the fall.

“Now you realize how fucking doves work,” it mutters.

“Sorry, sir,” Angus says, chastened. The dove hits him with a wing.

“Don’t even, it’s this place. You’re a little boy and all. We should keep going, though. Not a good idea to stay in one place.” It flaps its wings once, twice, but doesn’t gain any air.

“Do you need a lift, sir?” Angus asks. Come to think of it, he’s not sure why this dove is a sir.

“Fuck you, I can fucking fly,” it says. Angus decides to ignore it and put it on his shoulder again.

“I’m gonna imaginary shit on your imaginary shirt,” it threatens. Angus shrugs.

“Okay, sir,” he says. He feels like there are a lot of things his new friend says that he can safely ignore. “Why are there so many things that aren’t a good idea here?”

The dove begins smoothing its ruffled feathers. “You aren’t from here,” it explains. “I’m descended from this kind of place, distantly, but you aren’t. It’s why it messes with your head, and anything that stumbles across us here will have a home field advantage.”

That doesn’t sound good.

“How do we get home?” Angus asks. He stumbles a bit as he enters a brightly-lit clearing.

“How indeed,” says a new voice, a light that dances in the clearing. “Do you want to go home, little one? Truly?”

Angus feels dizzy, almost, staring directly into dazzling light. It’s beautiful. Like nothing he’s ever seen.

Taako attacks it.

“You get the fuck away from my magic boy, you half-corporeal light show!” he says, beating it with wings and talons, and then he isn’t a dove anymore, he’s a bear standing between the fae and Angus.

With a powerful swipe of his claws, he dispels it. Dead or gone, Angus isn’t sure.

“Really, kiddo?” Taako turns around. “Is this an I’Morko thing? Mama bear thing? I refuse to be part of it, if so.”

He turns into a dragon. Smaller than an adult dragon really should be, maybe horse-sized, but he seems to be the correct size for Taako, Angus thinks.

Taako shakes his head and stretches his wings out, giving them a hard flap.

“Now this is more like it!” he says. “Seriously, though, now that one of ‘em’s found you, we really gotta go. Clearing’s a good sign but we’re not out of the woods yet.”

He lowers his long neck to look closely at Angus.

“Actually. You carried me a bit, right? There’s a debt there. How about I carry you some, too?” he proposes.

“You told me not to do debts,” Angus says.

Taako snorts flame that doesn’t hurt. “Either way. I can’t carry you out of the woods, I can only help you on your way.”

Angus thinks hard. That seems important.

“Why are you here, anyway? And not home with your husband or your big family?” he asks.

Taako shrugs his massive shoulders, and Angus hops on his back. It seems more efficient that way, he thinks. And he gets this feeling he can trust Taako.

He’s also riding a dragon, and that is really, really cool.

Taako shoots through the woods, breathing fire at any obstructions, and then ice once Angus realizes that he’s a silver dragon and really shouldn’t be able to use fire.

“Hubby’s not really able to visit here,” he says. “This is a plane without death. Same goes for most everyone else, really. Either they’d forget like you did or they’re not allowed. Politics, mostly.”

“Why can I make you into other things?” Angus presses.

“‘cause fuck the Feywild, that’s why,” Taako says. He does not seem inclined to comment further.

Angus chews his lip. There’s one other thing he really needs to know.

He hunches over Taako. He’s very warm, and then he realizes that dragons are cold-blooded and Taako is an ice dragon and he is comfortable cool. There is something familiar and safe about the chill, he thinks.

He gathers his courage from that.

“If I go home, can I stay with you?” he asks. His final question, he promises himself. He won’t be a bother if the answer is no. He’ll be fine.

“We’ve already got the bedroom set up, be a hell of a waste if you weren’t there to use it,” Taako says, slowing to a trot.

“That’s okay, I–really?” Angus asks. “Just for me?”

Taako shrugs. “You know it, kiddo. You got other places to stay, but mine is rad and I don’t know why you’d live anywhere else.”

There’s light filtering in through the trees and they’re beginning to thin out again.

Angus clutches Taako’s back.

“Is that gonna be another one?” he asks, hiding as best he can in the mane Taako develops. Taako nudges him with his tail.

“I’ll be damned,” he says. “I didn’t think we could get here while I was carrying you. We’re almost home.”

Angus clutches tighter.

“What if your husband doesn’t like me? Will you put me back because you like him better?” he asks.

“Fuck no, I’ll kick his ass,” Taako says. “He loves you, you do nerd shit together and he thinks you’re the hot shit.”

Angus isn’t convinced.

“What about your big family? That’s a lot of people. What if they don’t like me?” he insists.

“Kick their asses too. I like you,” Taako tells him plainly. “An–Ango, I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Nothing’s gonna hurt you while I’m around.”

And just like that, he trots out of the woods, and they’re in their yard, in their home back in Neverwinter. Mister Kravitz is pacing the length of the house, and Miss Lup is barbecuing hot dogs.

“–even worry about ‘em, Angus is clever as hell. He’ll be saving Taako’s disaster ass, I’m calling it now,” she says. Mister Kravitz says something too low to hear, turns in his pacing, and spots them.

“Taako! Angus!” he calls. Angus reaches past Taako’s shoulders, and falls right out of his piggyback. He hadn’t even noticed Taako returning to elf form.

(”Oh, the labor,” Taako groans, and Lup conjures a mage hand to hit him over the head).

“Mister Kravitz!” he calls, and Mister Kravitz picks his up and holds him close and spins him, even colder than usual but brimming with affection.

“You scared us, Angus, don’t ever do that again,” he reprimands. “You could have been gone! Kaput! I never would have found you! Don’t wander off like that!”

Taako drapes himself over both of them. “Aw, don’t worry about it, Bone Daddy. All’s well that ends well.” His eyes are dark with worry, though. “How ‘bout it, kiddo? Lingering memory loss, disorientation, sense of unreality? You know who you are?”

“Yes, sir,” Angus confirms. “I’m Angus McDonald, Boy Detective! Did you tell Miss Lucretia I was trapped in the Feywild? I was supposed to meet her for lunch, but I think I’m late.”

Kravitz combs his fingers through his hair. “Three days late, in fact. She’s inside with everyone else. And you, love, need to get back to your body,” he says to Taako, who now that Angus looks at him is looking remarkably incorporeal.

“You didn’t take me out of my body, did you?” Angus asks worriedly. He feels his hands. They seem solid.

“Naw, kiddo, you’re all here,” Taako says, swiping a hand through him to show it. “Can’t even touch you now that we’re not in the Feywild. Merle’ll do his shitty cleric thing to be sure, but you’re fine.”

“And nothing bad is going to happen to me while you’re around,” Angus says. Taako groans and mutters about embarrassment and his brand and swears an oath of vengeance.

Angus remembers what he said, though, as Kravitz carries him inside and the exhaustion hits. Apparently walking for three days straight takes it out of you.

He repeats it to himself as he falls asleep.

I like you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Nothing’s gonna hurt you while I’m around.

He believes it.

[michaelgnomes]

Epistolary (Kind Of) - AHOT6

Epistolary - told through letters. Or, in this case, chat rooms, a brodate, and a New York City hotel room.

"It sounds nice," Gavin agrees, smiling contagiously. "You're my boi...friend, Michael. Boyfriend."

Minor Violence, Explicit Language

Words: 9,562 AO3

June 10

BrownMan: Dude, do you mind if I add someone for this game? MLP Michael: Not really -MM: If it’s another guy you met playing Halo I'll kill both of you

BrownMan has added GavinoFree to a chat.

BrownMan: Hey, man GavinoFree: We playing Halo again? MLP Michael: Ray -MM: I will fucking murder you GavinoFree: You're a pleasant fellow. You're Michael? MLP Michael: No shit. BrownMan: Ladies, you're both beautiful -BM: Halo? GavinoFree: Absolutely. MLP Michael: Fine, but no bullshit -MM: I'm calling you on it this time BrownMan is calling you...

Call ended 2:01 AM.

You have a contact request from GavinoFree. Contact request accepted.

June 12

GavinoFree: Do you lot want to play Halo? BrownMan: Give me ten minutes for lunch MLP Michael: You mean another grilled cheese? BrownMan: shut up you cant cook either -BM: typing with one hand hold on MLP Michael: I can cook more than grilled cheese. Macaroni and cheese takes skill GavinoFree: I'm having casserole for lunch in a bit. MLP Michael: In a bit? Isn't England like, six hours later than us or something? GavinoFree: I don't live in England. What gave you that idea? MLP Michael: Your accent, idiot GavinoFree: Nah, I moved to America a while back. I live with my boyfriends and their friend. BrownMan: Okay, done eating. You shitheads online? GavinoFree: I'll be there. MLP Michael: Give me a sec GavinoFree is calling you... MLP Michael: I said give me a sec, asshole GavinoFree is calling you...

Call ended 2:14 PM.

June 16

GavinoFree: Do you lot mind if my boyfriend plays a round with us? MLP Michael: He any good? GavinoFree: You could say that. BrownMan: I'm down, man MLP Michael: Sure, whatever GavinoFree: Call in a few minutes? MLP Michael: Fine

GavinoFree is calling you...

Call ended 3:15 AM.

You have a contact request from DG Geoff.

June 18

GavinoFree: Jack wants to play Halo with us. MLP Michael: Who the fuck is Jack GavinoFree: Geoff's boyfriend. He's great at Halo! He's wanted to play with us since Geoff played last time. MLP Michael: Us, or us? GavinoFree: All five of us. Are you in? BrownMan: Dude, I'm eating. Give me a minute -BM: Start the call without me GavinoFree is calling you...

Call ended 12:35 AM.

Contact request accepted.

You have a contact request from JackP. Contact request accepted.

June 21

GavinoFree has added you and three other people to a chat.

GavinoFree: We needed a group. You lot keep using me to talk to each other. DG Geoff: You were convenient MLP Michael: I have enough to pay fucking attention to with our group chat, christ JackP: Hey, guys! BrownMan: I'm just trying to eat a sandwich, man DG Geoff: Are you always fucking eating? MLP Michael: Usually it's pizza GavinoFree: Ray, you should try Geoff's cooking. JackP: I'm wounded, Gavin. GavinoFree: I love your cooking, Jack, but have you tried Geoff's alfredo sauce? DG Geoff: I'll make all you babies alfredo sauce if you shut the fuck up GavinoFree: Right now? For dinner? JackP: That's a great plan. DG Geoff: Fuck off. We're having Chinese for dinner and you know it GavinoFree: I love you, Geoffrey :) MLP Michael: Jesus, get a room DG Geoff: You got a problem? MLP Michael: Dude, Gavin talks about you guys all the time. I hear enough about your sex life without experiencing it, thanks BrownMan: No homo MLP Michael: Thanks, Ray BrownMan: No problem DG Geoff: I thg -DG: Hold on JackP: While they're arguing, I’m just going to ask -JP: Are you a homophobe, Michael? MLP Michael: Fuck no, dude. I'm bi as shit. BrownMan: didnt bat an eye when Gavin started talking about living with his boyfriends. Hes cool DG Geoff: Fucking crust -DG: Chrudt* -DG: Whatever. You're cool, dude? MLP Michael: A little offended you assumed I hate gay people, but cool, sure DG Geoff: What did you want me to assume? MLP Michael: Give me the benefit of the doubt, maybe. I don't know, man GavinoFree: It doesn't matter, you mingesausages. MLP Michael: What the fuck BrownMan: Let's just agree to be gay and forget about it DG Geoff: Sounds like a plan. GavinoFree: Halo tonight? JackP: Ryan will be home. He's been wondering who you guys are. BrownMan: I'm not ready to meet your scary boyfriend GavinoFree: He's not scary! JackP: He's a nerd. DG Geoff: And he probably isn't our boyfriend. MLP Michael: "Probably" DG Geoff: Yeah, whatever. Halo after dinner? BrownMan: Hit me up MLP Michael: Sure

JackP: You guys ready? MLP Michael: I can be BrownMan: I am GavinoFree: Call? JackP is calling you...

Call ended 1:09 AM.

June 22

Gavino Free has added BM Vagabond to a chat.

You have a contact request from BM Vagabond. Contact request accepted.

BM Vagabond: Do I have everyone? MLP Michael: I can't believe you made an account for this shit, dude BM Vagabond: It's a little important if we're going to meet up at some point. MLP Michael: Geoff was serious about that? -MM: He was drunk JackP: Geoff drinks a lot. BrownMan: We can tell GavinoFree: We could meet up halfway? Where do you lot live? BrownMan: New York. MLP Michael: New Jersey JackP: We could meet up in Georgia, bring Ryan back to his roots :) BM Vagabond: Don't you dare. -BV: Geoff's up. Incoming, Jack. -BV: Wouldn’t halfway be somewhere in Tennessee? DG Geoff: Not the greatest place for a meetup of a bunch of dudes who are gay as dicks BM Vagabond: Ignoring the blatant inaccuracies of that statement, neither is Georgia. DG Geoff: Looks like everything between us is the south, if you know what I mean. MLP Michael: Yeah, that’s pretty shit GavinoFree: Plane tickets? BrownMan: Hey, man, I work at GameStop GavinoFree: No, for us, you donut. Geoff? JackP: I don’t see why not :) BM Vagabond: It could be done. DG Geoff: Call? DG Geoff is calling you…

Call ended 4:20 PM. BrownMan: Blaze it

June 24

DG Geoff: Halo tonight? MLP Michael: Something else we can play? GavinoFree: Do you have Minecraft? BrownMan: No Minecraft. I’m never playing that game again. DG Geoff: Left 4 Dead? MLP Michael: Sounds good to me BrownMan: Sure, man

DG Geoff is calling you…

Call ended 12:09 AM.

June 26

GavinoFree: Less than a month until we visit! BM Vagabond: We all know you’re only going to frolic in the park with the ducks, Gavin. JackP: And only you would use the word “frolic” to describe anything Gavin does, Ryan. MLP Michael: Is he making the bird noises yet? DG Geoff: Oh yeah.

BM Vagabond: Left 4 Dead after lunch? BrownMan: I’m down MLP Michael: I’ve got nothing better to do BM Vagabond: I’ll take that as a yes, then.

BM Vagabond is calling you…

Call ended 7:18 PM.

June 27

BrownMan: Dude, do you have the fourth off? MLP Michael: For once in my life, yeah BrownMan: Brodate v2? MLP Michael: Fuck yeah, dude. I’ll be there at eleven

July 4

“Alright, fuck you,” Michael says as some dude in douchebag sunglasses bumps into him.

“Maybe later,” Ray replies without looking back. Michael can hear his grin. “You going to piss off the employees again?”

“When have I not pissed off the employees?” Michael scoffs, following as closely as he can without getting in Ray’s personal space. Okay, maybe a little bit in his personal space. He’s not interested in getting lost in Times Square.

“That’s fair,” Ray concedes, sparing a glance over his shoulder. “Dude. You act like you’ve never been here before.”

Michael happens to cast his glare in Ray’s direction. “You’re a piece of shit.”

Ray shakes his head, slowing a little to walk at Michael’s side. “Man, I think it’s brodate time.”

“Fuck yeah, brodate number two,” Michael replies with a mischievous grin, slinging an arm around Ray’s shoulders. They pass a Five Guys and walk through the doors of Dave and Buster’s, and they’re waiting for their food when Michael decides to check the group chat.

MLP Michael: Hey Gavin, you’re from England, right? Happy Independence Day, bitch GavinoFree: Happy birthday, you American prick. JackP: You guys should have come to the cookout. Gavin pushed a guy in American flag trunks into the pool. GavinoFree: He bumped into me! MLP Michael: I bet he had his phone in his pocket. That’s a low blow, boi BrownMan: Fuckin merked. BM Vagabond: Everything’s still fine for us to visit on the twenty-fouth, right? BrownMan: We’re not going anywhere, man DG Geoff: Yeah, where the fuck are you guys? You missed some quality Gavin. MLP Michael: Ray and I went on a brodate instead of going to your lame cookout. BrownMan: Pics or it didn’t happen (You have attached a photo.) GavinoFree: What the hell Mikey? You didn’t tell us you’re cute! MLP Michael: Okay, first of all, never call me that again -MM: Second of all, have we seriously never sent anything in this group? BM Vagabond: Looks like Michael and Ray have been holding out on us. DG Geoff: u JackP: I think Geoff needs a drink. DG Geoff: Fuck you, Jack -DG: HORSE tomorrow? BrownMan: I’ve got work until four. MLP Michael: I have work until six, but I’ll see what I can do

July 5

JackP: You guys home? BrownMan: I’m having dinner, but I’ll be done in a few. MLP Michael: I’m fucking beat, man. I might sit this one out GavinoFree: Please, Michael? You could just join the call. MLP Michael: I can hear it from here, Christ -MM: Fine. Give me ten minutes to get my shit together

DG Geoff is calling you… Call ended 2:01 AM.

July 11

DG Geoff has attached a photo. MLP Michael: FUCK -MM: SAVING THAT SHIT FOR BLACKMAIL BrownMan: I think he’s actually a pretzel. Michael is his salt BM Vagabond: He’s the salt to Gavin’s pretzel? MLP Michael: Fuck you guys JackP: Geoff, he’s going to kill you when he wakes up. DG Geoff: Not if I delete the photo first. -DG: I’d like to see him try, anyway.

GavinoFree: WHAT DID HE SEND MLP Michael: Gavin, you even sleep like an idiot. DG Geoff: MICHAEL JackP: He’s fending him off with a broom. This is impressive. (JackP has attached a photo.) BM Vagabond: It isn’t working very well. (BM Vagabond has attached a photo.) BrownMan: Come on, guys, not all at once. MLP Michael: We were holding out on you? What the fuck is this shit? BrownMan: Also, Michael likes tattoos MLP Michael: Fuck off, Ray JackP: We’ll let you know if he lives.

July 12

BM Vagabond: Best bars in New York City. Go. MLP Michael: Who you fuckin asking, dude? Ray doesn’t drink BM Vagabond: Alright, noted. Best restaurants in New York City that serve alcohol? BrownMan: Is this about Geoff? GavinoFree: He can’t go a day without a glass. Rubbish. BrownMan: Alright, well there’s this great fuckin tavern place called Radegast Hall that’s called a beer garden or some shit. MLP Michael: Biergarden, Ray -MM: Barcelona Bar does some fancy shit with fire, too -MM: Maybe it isn’t a good idea to bring Gavin to that one GavinoFree: I’ll have you know I can behave myself around fire. MLP Michael: Yeah, but the temptation to light you on fire will be real BM Vagabond: He looks absolutely stunned. MLP Michael: Serves him right. He shouldn’t have pushed that unsuspecting American into the pool on his birthday GavinoFree: America’s birthday! MLP Michael: Whatever, man, I don’t make the rules BrownMan: Ladies, you’re both beautiful. MLP Michael: Didn’t we do this already? BrownMan: Halo? MLP Michael: Fuck you -MM: I’m down for a few rounds GavinoFree: Count me in. BM Vagabond: I’m going to sit this one out, guys, since I’m in the middle of planning, but I’m sure I’ll be able to hear you murdering Gavin from here. GavinoFree is calling you…

Call ended 10:13 PM.

July 15

DG Geoff: Ten days, boys. Are you ready? BrownMan: My anus is ready. MLP Michael: Do I have to? GavinoFree: You get days off to see us, Michael! MLP Michael: I could totally just stay home and play Ratchet and Clank and eat pizza, dude BrownMan: I’ll give you everything in my wallet for a piece of pizza. MLP Michael: Keep your lint to yourself -MM: But maybe I’ll be over later if I can catch the train GavinoFree: No fair. You get to see each other all the bloody time :( MLP Michael: Yeah, and all four of you guys live together. Definitely not fair JackP: Point taken. DG Geoff: Well the tall guys have to stick together. MLP Michael: Alright, fuck you GavinoFree: Michael is offline? -GF: Michael? BrownMan: Geoff, I think he’s walking to Austin to strangle you. -BM: He’ll get distracted by your tattoos, though, don’t worry about it MLP Michael: You guys are shitheads DG Geoff: Lovable shitheads. MLP Michael: Well, maybe Jack GavinoFree: Michael, boi. Michael. MLP Michael: Gavin. GavinoFree: How come you make Jack smile but you never say you love me, boi? MLP Michael: I said he’s lovable, Gavin, he’s a fucking teddy bear with a murderous streak -MM: You’re my boi, though BrownMan: No homo DG Geoff: You guys should get your own hotel room, instead. Jack, Ryan, and I will keep the suite for ourselves. GavinoFree: We can have teams! DG Geoff: Not this shit again. GavinoFree: Michael! We can be Team Nice Dynamite because I’m nice and you’re a prick! BrownMan: Impressive. JackP: Everyone ends up with team names eventually. I’m surprised it’s taken him this long. DG Geoff: Don’t worry, it only gets worse. -DG: Michael, you could actually stay in the hotel room with us. MLP Michael: Just thinking about that feels like super intruding, dude GavinoFree: No, Michael, we wouldn’t mind! JackP: We sleep in the same bed all the time anyways. Ryan’s the only one who doesn’t always, and that’s because he doesn’t sleep. DG Geoff: The fucker. JackP: Even if Ryan wants to take the other bed, there’s a pullout. MLP Michael: Have you been plotting this? JackP: Absolutely not. GavinoFree: Yes! BM Vagabond: We wouldn’t mind, Michael, and you wouldn’t have to take the train in every day. DG Geoff: Yeah, make our lives easier. JackP: And we would feel better, honestly. The thought of you getting into an accident trying to get into the city every day to see us isn’t a good one. MLP Michael: I can take care of myself. BM Vagabond: We know. -BV: Sometimes you should let other people take care of you, too. MLP Michael: This is fucked -MM: Fine GavinoFree: Michael boi, you should come meet us at the airport, then! BrownMan: Bring a sign that says “welcome, dick patrol” MLP Michael: Wouldn’t that just make getting to your hotel harder? BM Vagabond: We’ll have to take two taxis anyways. Gavin doesn’t know the meaning of “We’re only staying for three days, pack lightly.” MLP Michael: Sure, I guess -MM: Shit, that means I have to pack BM Vagabond: It wouldn’t hurt to bring something slightly formal, if you know what I mean. MLP Michael: Ryan, I own a single polo shirt. That’s the best you’re going to get BrownMan: He refuses to wear it even on our brodates. Good luck, dude. JackP: Wow, Michael, you’re even holding out on Ray? MLP Michael: Fuck off. I’ll wear the fucking shirt BM Vagabond: :)

July 17

GavinoFree: You lot have time for Halo tonight? MLP Michael: Hell yeah, dude. It’s been a while BrownMan: I’m down GavinoFree: We might have everyone home, so it should be a party! MLP Michael: I’m not sure that’s a good thing GavinoFree: I’ll message you when we’re ready :)

BM Vagabond: I don’t think Gavin will be playing tonight. He’s had some drinks and is not very coherent. DG Geoff: We totally can, though. Fuck that dude. MLP Michael: I mean, sure BrownMan: I’ll join the call when I’m done with my pizza. DG Geoff is calling you…

Call ended 11:53 PM.

July 21

JackP: Michael, have you packed, yet? BrownMan: He hasn’t started yet, I can guarantee it BM Vagabond: Good. I was about to send him a packing list. DG Geoff: Ryan, man, you need to calm down. -DG: I’m sure he knows how to pack a bag. BrownMan: I mean, it wouldn’t hurt for the extra stuff. He isn’t a social dude -BM: Also wouldn’t hurt to tell him what your plans are for the trip, because he’s not really into surprises. JackP: He seems pretty social to me. Does he just not like strangers? BrownMan: You caught him playing Halo. The only way to get close to Michael is to harass him until he yells at you, then make fun of him for it MLP Michael: That’s not true. I also like that cute waitress at the diner across from work because she’s an asshole BrownMan: She called you a pansy for ordering your eggs well done and said you’re an asshole for drinking three cups of coffee in one breakfast MLP Michael: Yeah, but she was a good guy about it DG Geoff: I don’t see how this is any different from Halo. MLP Michael: Shut up Geoff (JackP has attached a photo.) MLP Michael: Oh shit you’re in a suit BrownMan: That’s hot. JackP: We’re going out for fancy dinner as soon as Gavin is done fighting Ryan about a tie. MLP Michael: I like that even though you’re in a fancy sweater, you still have your sleeves rolled up, Geoff DG Geoff: You would ;) BrownMan: Wow, called out -BM: You clean up nice too, Jack JackP: Thank you, Ray. -JP: I think Gavin’s stopped whining. Ryan’s still yelling, but he doesn’t sound as tired. (GavinoFree has attached a photo.) MLP Michael: Gavin in a suit. Not something I thought I’d ever see GavinoFree: You like what you see, boi? MLP Michael: I’d still strangle you GavinoFree: :( BM Vagabond: Alright, Michael, I’ve emailed you a packing list so you can take a look while we’re out. I’ll answer any questions you have tonight. MLP Michael: Will do, man DG Geoff: If we don’t come home and immediately fall asleep, we’ll probably talk to you guys later. BrownMan: Use a condom, kids

July 24

GavinoFree: MICHAEL -GF: MICHAEL WAKE UP -GF: MICHAEL BOI MLP Michael: What the fuck? GavinoFree: ARE YOU PACKED? MLP Michael: I can’t believe you woke me up for this shit. I packed yesterday GavinoFree: HAPPY ACTUAL BIRTHDAY BOI DG Geoff: SURPRISE BITCH WE’RE GETTING ON A PLANE TODAY MLP Michael: What the fuck -MM: I HAVE WORK UNTIL TWO JackP: We know. Our plane gets in at four :) MLP Michael: You guys are dicks -MM: How long have you been planning to show up a day early? DG Geoff: Since we found out today is your birthday. JackP: We did actually plan on the twenty-fifth until Gavin happened to ask you when your birthday is and Ray told him, and we decided to make it a surprise. MLP Michael: Does Ray know you guys are showing up today? GavinoFree: He’s known the whole time :) DG Geoff: We’ve been corresponding with him for a while. Had a hard time not telling you, actually. Didn’t tell us you don’t like surprises until like two days ago, so, surprise. MLP Michael: Scratch that, you guys are dickheads JackP: Happy birthday, Michael. MLP Michael: Thanks, Jack -MM: I need to get ready for work. I’ll see you guys later GavinoFree: Literally :)

BM Vagabond: Wear your fancy polo here, Michael. DG Geoff: You’ll know it’s us. Just look for Gavin’s outfit. (DG Geoff has attached a photo.)

MLP Michael: I’m going home to change and grab my bag, then I’ll get on the 2:30 train. I should be there early, but who the fuck knows -MM: Pink shorts, Gavin, really?

GavinoFree: Shut up, you sausage. JackP: We’re off the plane, obviously. We’ll get our luggage and meet you out there.

Michael pockets his phone when no other messages come, adjusting the bag on his shoulder with one hand and wiping the sweat on the other on his jeans. He’s definitely not nervous.

Them springing this on him hadn’t really given him the time he’d counted on to come to terms with them visiting.

It’s a long-awaited visit, yeah, but since the incident this winter, he hasn’t been comfortable in the city, and he clearly isn’t going to start now. He manages to almost forget this as they walk through the automatic doors in all their glory, and bends down to pick up the shitty sign he’s made. It reads “Welcome back from rehab!" and he holds it up with a proud grin.

Geoff leads them in, but Gavin decides to sprint across the room as soon as he spots Michael. Michael is not prepared for Gavin to drop the suitcase he’s rolling and leap to wrap around him, but he manages to remain standing by dropping the sign and his bag and settling a stabilizing hand at Gavin’s waist.

“Enthusiastic, Gavin?” Michael asks, grinning despite himself. His new leech leans back a little to smile.

“We’re here, Michael!” Yes, he is certainly enthusiastic. “It’s bloody brilliant!”

“I need to take a shit,” Geoff announces as the remaining three catch up to Gavin, rolling his bag to a stop beside Michael and walking off toward the restrooms. One of the bags Ryan is rolling matches Gavin’s. It probably is Gavin’s.

“What a greeting,” Michael grins, not realizing he’s still holding onto Gavin until he’s pulling away to pout at Ryan.

“Can I give it to him now?”

“The airport probably isn’t the best place to fuck me in the ass, Gavin,” Michael says, still grinning. It isn’t real yet that they’re here, but he’s relaxed a fucking lot regardless...staying in the city for three nights might not be so bad. He trusts these guys a little more than he probably should, granted, but that’s still a trust he thinks he can count on.

“Wait until we’re at the hotel, Gavin, we talked about this,” Ryan replies, but it isn’t as sternly as he would clearly like it to sound. He’s smiling, too, and it isn’t because Gavin is complaining at him. They’re all clearly a little giddy about being here.

“Is Ray meeting us there?” Michael asks as Gavin turns back to him and slumps dramatically against his shoulder. Michael pats his back in mock reassurance.

“Yeah, he’s meeting us at the hotel, and we’re walking from there,” Jack replies before Ryan can, which earns him an arched eyebrow. “He said it would be easier than trying to meet at the restaurant.”

Michael nods as Geoff emerges from the bathroom, hands in his pockets. “Probably. Where’s your hotel?”

“Your hotel, too, Michael,” Gavin mumbles into his shoulder. He ignores him.

“The Hilton in Times Square,” Ryan supplies. “Where we’re eating is supposed to be a surprise, but…”

“I think we can spare him that much,” Jack argues as Geoff finally reaches Michael and slings an arm over the shoulder not already occupied by Gavin.

“We’re eating at The View, kid,” Geoff offers casually.

“Are you all brain surgeons, or something?” Michael asks, regarding them with suspicion. The Hilton, aside from being in, you know, Times Square, is a four-star hotel so it can’t exactly be cheap, and Michael knows for a fact The View is not cheap in any sense of the word. It’s a fucking spinning restaurant on the forty-eighth floor with four dollar signs in its Google listing.

It’d been obvious they have money, but what the fuck?

“Something like that,” Jack chuckles, and no one makes an attempt to explain further, so Michael bends down to pick up his bag. Gavin, having all of his weight on Michael, nearly takes a nice tumble, but catches himself before he can faceplant.

Geoff picks up the sign with a grin and says, “You made this, Michael? You’re so sweet.”

“I know,” he replies with an innocent smile. “You don’t deserve me.”

After stuffing their luggage into the trunks of two taxis, Gavin drags Michael into one of them with Ryan and proceeds to ask him very personal questions for the duration of the ride to the hotel, which is unfortunately at least half an hour. He manages to deflect most of them, and in the process learns that Ryan used to be a model, much to the chagrin of Ryan himself.

Pulling up to the hotel brings a flurry of “get your bags, we have to check in,” and “which floor is the room on,” and “someone message Ray,” and Michael welcomes the distraction. He pulls out his phone to send a message in the group chat as he walks, hoping watching Gavin’s bag in front of him will keep him from crashing into anything.

MLP Michael: They didn’t die on the plane. We’re at the hotel, room 4004 BrownMan: I’ll leave now.

A round of cheers go up as Jack cards the door open, and they all file into the lounge room of the suite, then disperse to find places for their shit. Ryan, always the gentleman, opens the door into the other room for Michael. The furniture looks comfortable enough, and Michael takes note of the coffee table he’ll have to move to pull the couch out into a bed in case he drinks a little too much at dinner.

Gavin’s just flopped down on top of Geoff on the couch when someone knocks on the door. Michael, being closest, opens it to find Ray on the other side.

“Hey, man,” he says, greeting him with a fist bump and stepping back to let him into the room. “That was fast.”

“I was ready to go for once,” he replies as he steps into the lounge and Michael closes the door. He takes in the room. “This is fucking weird. Are you sure this is real?”

Jack chuckles. “Yeah, I don’t think we’re actually here, either.”

“It hasn’t felt real since we got on the plane. Reckon it won’t for a long while,” Gavin pipes up. “Is it weird that we’ve only known each other for a month?”

Michael shares a glance with Ray. “It is for me, but only because I trust you guys way more than I should…it kind of isn’t a bad thing.”

Geoff looks like he wants to ruffle Michael’s hair, something close to affection in his voice. “We were worried you didn’t feel comfortable with us visiting, at first. You never sounded all that excited when we talked about it in calls, and when it first got brought up, you ignored it, but…I’m glad we’re here.”

“I'm glad you're here, now,” Michael replies as Geoff pushes Gavin from his lap and stands up.

“We need to get changed,” Ryan says as if he’s read Geoff’s mind, pushing off the desk he’s been leaning on. “Reservation’s at five-thirty. If you hear Gavin screaming, ignore him.”

Walking Times Square surrounded by a bunch of dudes in business casual is a little weird, and Michael feels like a few more people are staring at the group of six, many of whom are laughing boisterously at a joke Ray made, than he’s used to. He would’ve spared them a second glance, too – the ones who actually bothered look nice as hell – but being on the receiving end isn’t great, especially as his fashion choices aren’t exactly up to par compared to the rest of his group. He doesn’t give a shit about how he looks, but being stared at isn’t exactly on his to-do list.

Dinner is fucking great. Michael studiously does not look at the price of the three-course meal, and is certain he doesn’t want to look at the check based on how much of a tip Geoff leaves. They leave the restaurant – which is a bit disorienting, considering it’s spun about three-quarters of the way around since they’d arrived – laughing and for Michael, maybe a little tipsy. Geoff had ordered two bottles with complicated names from the wine menu, and most of them hadn’t hesitated to drink wine beside whatever other drinks they ordered. Ray, being the only one who hasn’t had any alcohol tonight, is probably high on the mood of the rest of the group.

“Ray, do you want to stay here tonight?” Jack asks once they’re back in the hotel room and almost quiet enough not to be heard by patrons in the neighboring suites. “I don't want you walking back in the dark even if you've done it before. We have plenty of room.”

He seems to consider it for a moment before nodding. “I’ll need to go home tomorrow to get shit, obviously, but sounds good to me.”

“Good,” Gavin says, suddenly very animated compared to his lazy couch posture. He looks to Michael, who is leaning against the counter of the kitchenette, then to Ryan. “Now can I give it to him?”

“I mean, you did take me out to dinner first,” Michael replies. “I think I’ll allow it.”

“Go ahead, Gavin,” Ryan says, grinning as Gavin propels himself from the couch into their bedroom. The sound of rustling as he obviously looks for something starts up soon enough.

“He getting the lube?” Ray deadpans, and Michael grins as Gavin bounds back into the lounge room to thrust a wrapped something into his hands.

“Is this a present?” Michael asks, frowning. “Christ, you guys bought plane tickets and dinner. I don’t need this shit, too.”

“It’s too late,” Geoff replies gleefully. “We already have presents and you’re going to like them.”

“Open it, Michael!” Gavin insists before he can complain some more. With a sigh, he rips the wrapping paper from the object and lets it unfold. A very red shirt with dynamite and a happy face on it peers back at him. It’s cute.

“Team Nice Dynamite, boi?” Michael asks, smiling at Gavin over the shirt.

“Team Nice Dynamite,” Gavin replies with a very excited grin, then turns to Geoff.

“Yours next?”

“Sure, buddy,” Geoff replies and Gavin’s gone again, back to the bedroom to retrieve whatever Geoff’s got for Michael. He has a feeling it’s going to be some shitty gag gift, like a giant whoopee cushion he will immediately use on Gavin.

By the time he’s done opening gifts like a “World’s Greatest Asshole” mug from Geoff and trying to smother Gavin with a ball of wrapping paper, Michael is no longer tipsy and is surprisingly tired instead. Obviously someone can tell, because Jack decides it’s time for him to go to bed in the other bedroom. Michael isn’t quite sure how it happens, maybe he’d asked him or maybe he hadn’t given him a choice, but Ray is laying under the comforter with him when he realizes where he is.

“I really like them,” Michael says, half-yawning. He shuts his eyes and tries not to fall asleep right away. He doesn’t succeed for very long.

“Me too, man,” Ray says, and Michael is asleep long asleep before he can hear what he says next. “I think they like us, too.”

July 25

They start the next day by sleeping in until noon. Well, not Ryan, they find as they enter the lounge to see him sitting at the desk, writing something, but the rest of the suite’s inhabitants are still asleep when they get that far at eleven-thirty. Ryan steps into the bedroom to wake them up at noon, saying “We have to leave in forty-five minutes, you’d better be up in five minutes or I’m leaving you here.”

Geoff emerges from the bedroom as Gavin rushes into the bathroom almost five minutes later. Jack enters the lounge and claims an armchair soon after that. By the time Gavin is done fucking with his hair and Geoff has finished his first beer of the day, Ryan is ushering them out the door.

“We’re going to Ray’s so he can get his shit, like we talked about last night, then we’ll get lunch, then we’ll go to the thing,” Ryan says as they step into an elevator. Michael has no memory of this discussion Ryan claims happened, but he brushes it off in favor of asking what “the thing” means.

“Sorry, Michael,” Ryan replies, not looking sorry at all. “This one is staying a secret.”

It turns out, Michael realizes as they leave Ray’s favorite pizzeria and make their way toward Hell’s Kitchen and Broadway, they are going to see a show. What the fuck show it is, he has no idea, but of course Ryan would have planned for one. They’re in New York City. They’re going to want to see something on Broadway.

They end up listening to Ryan describe his interest in musical theater in high school, and how a show had come out that he never got a chance to see because a trip to New York was just never in the plans, and how they’re bringing it back for a Broadway revival for a few months and this trip has fallen in the right spot for it, so forgive him for indulging himself and getting tickets for this musical.

Michael doesn’t care what they see, but he does like listening to Ryan talk about it. Whether that’s because he’s learning about his past or because his voice has a nice timbre, Michael doesn’t know, but he’s fine with it either way.

It’s when Geoff suggests they go to that biergarden Ray had mentioned for dinner that Michael gets nervous. If Geoff starts drinking now, well, that will definitely lead to Geoff drinking more later. Hopefully that will be in the hotel room instead of a dive, he thinks as the hostess seats them beneath a stone archway. Lunch goes well until Geoff says, “So, where was that bar you mentioned, Michael?”

When he’d supplied them with a location almost two weeks ago he hadn’t thought he’d be going with them. He could just head home early if they decided to head off to a bar and they would be none the wiser, but this situation had not crossed his mind when Geoff asked him to stay in the hotel room with them, and that mistake sure chose a great time to rear its ugly head.

Okay, time to make a stupid decision, he thinks as Ray touches his elbow. Michael isn’t going to keep them from going to the bar, and if he says he wants to go back to the hotel, someone will definitely come with him if not all of them, so he says, “Uh, eighth and fifty-fourth. We’d have to take taxis.” It’s not like he’s going to run into the guy at six PM on a Wednesday. He’s just being a paranoid piece of shit.

They finish their dinner and hail taxis. Michael rides with Geoff and Jack this time, and they’re walking through the front door of the bar by the time the other taxi pulls up to the curb.

Michael’s heart starts beating a little faster as Geoff’s tattooed hand pulls the door open, and he thinks he’ll be fine as soon as he’s inside, but it gets so much worse. I just won’t breathe, he decides, knowing it’s not a good way to deal with this issue and that he really should bring it up, but nothing’s actually gone wrong yet.

They get their drinks, Gavin ordering a Harry Potter shot when Michael says that’s the one that involves fire. It really is a spectacle, he remembers as the bartender wraps a Gryffindor scarf around her neck and begins shouting about spells, but he’s seen it before, so his gaze wanders.

When he sees the familiar figure enter the bar, his only thought is fuck, he found me.

His second thought is that yeah, he found you, but it’s not like he’s been looking for you for six months. He was drunk enough he probably doesn’t even remember the fight.

His third thought, as another guy steps through the door behind him, is holy shit his friend is with him I’m going to die.

Michael breaks away from the group currently fascinated with the shots that are on fire to blend into the crowd, and it isn’t hard considering how many people are there to observe what the bartender is doing, but there aren’t enough people there at six PM on a Wednesday to hide him completely from the door. Ray, being at the back of their group with Michael is the only one who notices him leave with a questioning call of his name, but he hears someone growl “Michael,” from the doorway, and he knows it isn’t one of his friends.

He quickens his pace toward the back of the bar, knowing he’s already made a slew of bad decisions and it can only go downhill from here, and knowing the guy will recognize him wherever he is in the crowd. There’s nowhere for him to go, and he knows that, too, but he keeps going to give himself some time, leaning in toward the bar and attempting to flag down a spare bartender. Unfortunately, both of them are occupied.

“Michael,” the man breathes down his neck, grabbing his shoulder in a vice-like grip to pull him away from the bar counter. The music is loud enough that he can barely tell what the guy is saying. Michael is briefly glad Ray didn’t follow him as he’s pulled farther back in the darkness of the very rear of the bar to be pinned against the wall. He casts his gaze toward the front of the bar for just a moment, but he can’t even see Ryan or Jack through the bodies despite the light filtering through the storefront window. “We have unfinished business.”

“Who are you again? Fred?” Michael sneers. He knows he’s in a bad spot, but he also knows this guy is both a bad fighter and way too arrogant for his own good. If he can get him fired up, he has a better chance of getting him sloppy and getting out of this encounter unharmed. “You still paying someone else to fight for you? I thought you learned your lesson in January.”

“Unharmed” might have been a little preemptive, because the guy’s grip on his shoulders tightens painfully.

“David. I was wasted then,” he replies, smile a little too wide for Michael’s liking. “Nothing to stop me now.”

Michael ducks out of the way when the guy lifts a fist to box in his ear, having been temporarily distracted trying to make sure no one he knows followed them back here. He’s pretty sure the only one who could take them on is Geoff, and Geoff had been three shots deep last time Michael had seen him. Unfortunately, he’s his own best chance.

He springs back up to land a solid uppercut to David’s jaw, and it sends the guy reeling back in surprised pain. His friend doesn’t make a move on Michael, only grabbing the guy’s arm to keep him on his feet. Michael doesn’t make an attempt to escape. He knows it’s now or never.

The guy rushes back toward him, seemingly recovered, but so does his friend, eyes locked on Michael. Guy takes advantage of his distraction to take a swipe at him, but Michael focuses on him, grabbing his arm mid-swing and twisting it at what must be a painful angle. Guy tries to pull away, grimacing, but Michael pulls him a step closer to break his nose with the heel of his hand. David stumbles back with a gasp and looks to his friend, who advances toward Michael.

Now that the weaker guy’s had enough, it’s time for a real challenge. This guy Michael knows for a fact can fight - he’d beaten Michael’s ass when he won a fight against David in this bar six months ago. Michael has enough violent encounters under his belt to beat someone like broken-nose guy easily, but, unfortunately, he’s a little out of practice, and the way this guy immediately steps toward him to punch his eye in surprises him. He takes a stabilizing step back, unwilling to end up on his ass in front of friend guy, and winces through the pain. That’s going to look nasty, he decides.

He doesn’t know where to go from there. He and friend guy are sizing each other up, Michael knowing this guy will just counter whatever he does next and friend guy probably deciding what to aim for next, but stalemates are never good in a fight. They lead to poorly executed swings and awkward footing.

Fuck it, he thinks, moving in when the moment is at its worst to take the guy by surprise, hitting him in the solar plexus to knock the wind out of him. It only works halfway, almost stunning him for a few seconds, but it gives Michael the advantage he needs to land a solid hit on his ear, where it won’t leave lasting damage but it hurts like a bitch. He’s about to break this guy’s nose, too, when David lands a solid one to his ribs and he stumbles to the side, pushing away from the chairs to end up closer to the wall. David’s contribution gives his friend a chance to recover, and soon he’s pinning Michael painfully against the wall, fist in the air. He’s clearly about to do something with it when someone grabs his wrist and rips him away from the wall, practically throwing the guy into the chairs that aren’t really lined up against the bar anymore.

“Michael,” someone says, stepping in front of him and resting their hands on his face. “Are you good?”

Michael’s tunnel vision on friend guy dissolves to focus on Ray standing in front of him as Ryan holds the guy at a distance in the background, having clearly rescued him from a severe beating at Geoff’s mercy. Geoff is standing beside him, arms crossed and rage in his eyes as he says something to him. Ray pats Michael's face.

“Yeah, I’m good,” he says weakly, clears his throat and says, “I’m glad you didn’t try to follow me.”

“I knew you left, but I just assumed you were going to find the other bartender or something,” Ray shakes his head. “You didn’t come back, and, well, I asked if anyone could see you in the crowd after a while, but…I didn’t see these guys until it was too late, so here we are.”

“It’s fine, Ray,” Michael smiles weakly at him. “It was going to happen eventually.”

“What was going to happen eventually?” Jack asks sternly, having appeared in the space between Ray and friend guy. Michael can’t see Geoff anymore, but it doesn’t really matter, because as soon as Michael‘s gaze moves past Jack he says, “Look at me, Michael.”

“It’s not really a long story, but I’d rather tell it back in the hotel room,” Michael says. “Can we find a pharmacy and get an ice pack?”

“Michael!” Gavin appears at the edge of the small clearing in the crowd. Everyone clearly knows what just happened and is happy to ignore the spectacle. It’s hard to tell if the bartenders even noticed. “Are you alright, boi?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replies with mock bravado. “Just a little beat up. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Yeah, well, I was going to beat up your friend until Ryan convinced me not to get arrested,” Geoff grumbles, also appearing from the crowd. He and Ryan must have hauled the guys out to the street. His gaze takes on a much softer edge as he takes in Michael’s stance - he must look disheveled as shit. “Why was a sober guy trying to fight you in the back of a bar?”

“I’ll tell you back at the hotel,” Michael sighs. “Now can I get an ice pack somewhere so I don’t have to go back to work with a bright purple eye?”

Thankfully, they do not treat him like he is made of glass during the taxi ride back to the hotel, but he does get stuck between Ray and Gavin, so it wouldn’t really have been possible between Gavin’s nonexistent sense of personal space and Ray having known him long enough to figure out he hates being pitied. As soon as they enter the hotel room, however, it is a different story. The pillows are fluffed and he is sitting on the couch before he knows what’s going on, Geoff taking up the other half and throwing an arm over the back of the couch as Jack presses the bag of frozen peas they’d picked up into his hand, now wrapped in one of someone’s spare T-shirts. Gavin slinks over to sit on the floor and lean against his legs. Gavin hasn’t been talking much since they’d found him. He might still be trying to come to terms with it.

“Alright, buddy, tell us what happened,” Geoff requests, not quietly but gently.

“Well, I was visiting Ray back in January, and a friend of mine told me to go to Barcelona Bar for the weird shots they have, so we did,” Michael begins, wincing as his shoulder twinges when he tries to lift the impromptu ice pack to his eye. “The first guy, David, was super drunk, so when I bumped into him coming out of the bathroom he decided to fight me, and I wrecked him when he wouldn’t fuck off, but his friend showed up and beat the snot out of me, said they’d come find me and get me again sometime.”

“The same guy that was there today?” Jack asks, and Michael nods.

“It sounded like a death threat. I’ve been avoiding going to that bar or drinking at all here – no one wants another few broken ribs, man – but when you guys wanted to go, I figured,” he shrugs, grimacing. “This guy’s not going to happen to be there while we are, it’ll be fine, but, you know, I was wrong. They showed up just after we did, and while you guys were distracted by the bartender doing the weird shots, I tried to hide in the crowd, but that bar is so narrow there isn’t really anywhere to go. They found me and David tried to fight me, but I broke his nose, so his friend decided to have a crack at it. Got me pretty good, but I gave some, too.”

Geoff grins. “I mean, that’s shit, but I’m glad you fucked that guy up.”

“That David guy sounded pretty mad when we pulled his friend off you,” Ryan says carefully, and Geoff’s gaze darkens again. “Like we were being unfair breaking up the fight. I think he said something about taking us out back and shooting us in the head.”

Michael scoffs. “That guy is all bark and no bite. I’m out of practice and I got him in two hits. If he had a gun on him, he was trying to feel better about himself, and I’m sure you scared him enough. You’ll never see him again.”

“How do you feel?” Jack asks, and it sounds like he genuinely wants to know.

“Like I got punched in the face,” Michael grins wryly. “Maybe took a chair to the rib, but not as bad.”

“You get in fights a lot?” Geoff asks, side-eyeing him, obviously interested.

“I did until that guy fucked me up,” Michael replies, grinning for real now. “I think it’s time for me to take it up as a hobby again.”

Jack sighs, shifting in the armchair to better face Michael. “Please don’t do anything stupid. If you get into a dangerous situation in New Jersey, we won’t always be around to help you out.”

Michael raises an eyebrow at him. “I can take care of myself, Jack. I'm a big boy.”

“But you don’t have to,” Ryan regards him sternly. “You need to start letting other people help you, Michael. You’re only going to hurt yourself.”

“I grew up taking care of myself,” he replies readily, severely. “Old habits die hard.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll work it out of you,” Geoff says calmly, clearly attempting to diffuse the tension in the room. “Michael, you’re a stubborn piece of shit, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know,” he replies as Jack stands.

“I think it’s time for bed,” he announces, and Ray pushes away from the counter and is in the process of opening the door to the other bedroom when Geoff stops him.

“The beds in this hotel are only king-sized,” he says, holding up a hand to stop Ray from going anywhere. “But we can make it work.”

July 26

It takes Michael a moment to realize who he is in bed with when he wakes up.

Gavin is wrapped around his back, an arm draped over his waist and his nose buried in Michael’s shoulder. Ray is facing him, practically melted into the mattress. Ryan is behind Ray, and Michael thinks it’s safe to assume Geoff and Jack are on Gavin’s other side, though he can’t actually tell.

This is strange, he thinks, but…nice.

As soon as Gavin had realized they’d be in the same bed he had pulled him into the bedroom and wrapped around him like a fucking spider, leaving everyone else to fend for themselves. They had, somehow, managed to make it work. He finds it a little strange waking up in a bed with five other dudes, but it also seems like something he could get used to.

No, stop that, he thinks, and he finds himself frowning as he reaches to rub the eye that isn’t fucked up. Four dudes in a relationship don’t need you to make their lives more difficult.

Ryan must have heard him move, because he leans up to look at Michael for a moment. “That’s one nasty black eye you’ve got there,” he whispers, and Michael grimaces.

“It’ll be green in a few days,” Michael whispers back. “That’s the best part.”

“I’m pretty sure the best part of a bruise is the part when is disappears,” Ryan counters.

“Are you arguing about the color of a bruise?” Jack asks incredulously, and he sounds far away enough that Geoff must be between Jack and Gavin.

“Yes,” Michael replies, having turned slightly, and now that he isn’t mumbling into the mattress his breath must tickle Ray, because he scrunches his face up in what he would insist isn’t a cute way and blinks awake.

“You’re a piece of shit,” Ray frowns. “I was in the middle of a dream, man.”

“Whatever,” Geoff says, apparently awake now, and Gavin finally stirs, halfway releasing Michael in his waking confusion. “I need to shit.”

“So eloquent,” Jack scoffs, there is some shifting on the bed, and Michael watches Geoff leave the bedroom. Jack probably figures he might as well since he’s already up, and walks through the door to the lounge as the hand Gavin has draping over Michael squeezes in a gimme fashion. Michael considers it very briefly, then moves his hand to grab Gavin's.

Gavin laces their fingers together, and Ray snickers and says, "No homo."

Ryan slides off the bed to stand, grinning widely. "Good luck," he says, and goes into the lounge.

"You're fucked, dude," Ray says, following him. Michael shifts into a more comfortable position now that he has half of the mattress to himself. This position lands him facing Gavin, fingers intertwined, and they look at each other for a moment. The silence is peaceful.

"Oh my god," Geoff says, closing the bathroom door behind him and moving toward the door to the lounge. "You guys are gay as dicks." Michael cuts him a half-hearted glare as he leaves.

"We should get up so we can eat," Michael says, grinning when Gavin startles. "We might be able to convince them to get room service for breakfast."

Gavin is clearly excited about the prospect, because he is suddenly very animated in trying to drag Michael out of bed.

"Alright, alright, don't pull my arm out of its socket," Michael chides, and Gavin actually stops for a moment as Michael rolls his shoulder in an attempt to work the stiffness out of it. Last night's fight is coming back to him in more ways than one.

Gavin drags him out into the lounge as soon as he's out of contact with the bed. Ray is draped over Ryan on the couch, Jack is reading something in the armchair, and Geoff is leaning against the counter, phone to his ear.

"What do you dickheads want for room service?" Geoff asks, twisting the phone away from his mouth. Gavin begins listing a bunch of shit, but Michael just shrugs. He'll eat whatever they put in front of him.

He and Gavin sit on the floor beside the coffee table (more like Gavin trips over the coffee table and pulls Michael down with him), and when Jack tries to hand Michael a real ice pack this time, Gavin reaches out and snatches it from him.

He turns to Michael with a little too much concern in his eyes and presses the ice pack gently to his face. "How do you feel, boi?"

"Like I want you to stop worrying about me," he replies, and Gavin frowns. "I've done this before."

Gavin grimaces, now, and Geoff hangs up, shoves his phone in his pocket, and says, "We need to talk."

Michael would normally feel apprehensive right about now, but the way Geoff says it sounds more optimistic than anything. No one speaks as Geoff grabs the wooden desk chair and spins it around to sit at the other end of the coffee table.

"There's been this shit hanging in the air since we got here," he begins, and Ryan chuckles. Apparently he knows what's going on as Geoff indicates everyone but Michael and Ray. "The four of us have had a half-conversation about this already, but you assholes deserve to know, too."

"Get on with it, Geoff," Jack admonishes good-naturedly.

"We like you guys and wouldn't be opposed to bringing you into the relationship," he grinds out, rushing as if someone will stop him if he breathes.

Michael blinks away his surprise. He's been pretending how he feels doesn't matter, sure, but...well, it seems like the only reasoning he had doesn't work anymore.

Ray is much quicker to the draw. "What would that mean for us?"

"Eventually, we hope you'd move in with us," Ryan says. "For now, as a six-person relationship, we'd be spending some time figuring it out, but...if you hadn't noticed, we're pretty much there already."

Ray nods, and three and a half gazes turn to Michael.

"I'm not opposed, but...I'm not sure it would work." He wants to give them one last chance to back out. "I like you guys a hell of a lot, but six people in a relationship?"

"We know," Jack says, and the smile he offers is a little comforting. "We aren't sure if it'll work, either, and there’s no way it’ll be easy, but we won't know unless we try."

"Alright...I'm down," Michael says after a moment, then grins. "Does that make us all boyfriends?"

"If that's what you want to call it," Ryan says appraisingly.

"It sounds nice," Gavin agrees, smiling contagiously. "You're my boi...friend, Michael. Boyfriend."

"Super homo," Ray comments, and they're all laughing when someone knocks on the door.

"Room service is here, fuckin' finally," Geoff says, standing to make his way over to greet whoever’s brought the food. Michael watches him walk away, tattooed arm reaching for the doorknob. Gavin curls around him tighter, a hand moving to card through Michael's hair.

Yeah, this is something he could get used to.

June 22

MLP Michael: My plane leaves at two, gets in at six. If you're late you owe me dinner BrownMan: We'll be there, dude. GavinoFree: Michael, boi, why can't you just be here already? I miss you :( MLP Michael: Christ, Gavin, I'll be there in a few days BM Vagabond: To be fair, Gavin, we did talk about this. MLP Michael: Yeah yeah I should have given my two weeks earlier, I've heard it all before DG Geoff: He will not stop complaining about it. I think he's smothering Ray. JackP: He is. (JackP has attached a photo.) BrownMan: I came here to have a good time and Im feeling so attacked right now MLP Michael: Gavin, you fucking leech -MM: Couches have two cushions for a reason BM Vagabond: We may not be the best example of that. BrownMan: Hey, man, fitting five people on a couch is an art MLP Michael: Okay, dickheads, I need to pack. Stop blowing up my phone GavinoFree: I love you, Michael :) MLP Michael: Fuck off -MM: I love you too, boi -MM: I'll see you guys later (JackP has attached a photo.) DG Geoff: We'll be waiting for you.

[sparklball]

pokemon green part 28: ｊｕｉｃｅ　　ｆ　ｒｏｍ　ａ　ｗｏｕｎｄ　ｔｒｅｅ

ok i'll play engreen after im done reading this book preview on amazon

i wonder if anyone's actually finished engreen?? probably but im gonna pretend im the first

....he says, after i beat him

quibble

MACHO MAN BEATS STICK - WATCH NOW ON GREENTUBE

oh boy a new friend (to put in a box forever)

there arent any numbers in engreen's nickname screen so i had to get creative

why the fuck is it called "wetlo"

what do i name the wetlo btw

!!!!!

fucking incredible だね

we caught a psyduck too

holy shit it's a second fart

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

electromagnetic waves from... the constitution

(i named it FHead)

so i guess "MAKEUP" was hp up? ok

you mean the legend of sparklball and onetesticl? yeah dude, who hasnt

I JUST WON YOU STUPID SACK OF SHIT

i just noticed this recently but there's a little border around the emulator. it's cute

whoa.... so aside from sparklball there are two others

sheld's missed hitting this thing like three times in a row get your shit together sheld

we meet again, ANGRY

oh no what if he steals my HACTERIOLYSIS

malum... uh.... marumain????

hell YEAH wait why is it yellow. did someone piss on electrode too

oh no

same

NO BECAUSE HMS ARE THE FUCKING DEVIL AND IM NEVER USING THEM ON MY MAINS AGAIN

see, finally one of these assholes can admit it

left or right

gcio: any guesses as to what the hell whdra is bru: mewtwo tricky: seadra

tricky: well fuck you all bru: why are you such a sore loser tricky: i just feel like i'm being cyberbullied even by fate itself

alright i oughta fuck off to bed soon

we didnt get too far in engreen today either but we caught like five pokemon which is good

ok im gonna get some food and then engreen i guess. even though it's already almost midnight whoops

i have.... ice cream. good thing it's not a yoof night

......so it's blowing in your face? wouldnt that slow you down

i still cant believe this thing's fucking mouth. jesus christ

?????

same

why. is there food

wow check out this birdfucker :////

ok nevermind it's just a birdkin

yay

happy 29th hourversary

fuck

it's ok i dont understand much of engreen either

im 22

that's more fuckin like it

umm :/// pokemon didnt have genders in g1? smh fucking casuals

SIGH

finally, a place to set all this silverware

oh... great... just what ive always wanted...

SWEET JESUS

i could totally just bypass all of these trainers on the bridge

im not gonna though--

uh is that really something praiseworthy. are you an ojousama

finally, it's trank's time to shine

(....now im kinda hoping he gets knocked out so i can say "I SAID SHINE NOT 死ね")

BURN NIDER

this is a bad screenshot but ice beam yay

surf also

......why the fuck is the water orange. is it raining piss from the 'bove

is this another birdfucker

that's great eridan

throwback thursday: the good ol' days before levitate

[hey, today’s thursday too] [does that make this whole update a throwback]

[no because you took too long to finish it and it’s not thursday anymore fuckass]

priss just hit level 27 and she's trying to learn fucking growl

FUCK.

buddy youre looking in the wrong place

whoa there pal you need to watch your fucking mouth

yeah uh maybe try checking, yknow, the moon

FUCK!!!

what does this mean. he likes fishing to some extent being unable to control?? so does he like fishing to some extent, but not that much, and cant control his general apathy toward it? or does he like fishing so much that, to some extent, he cant control himself around.... fish....????

well, whatever. thanks, old fish

WHAT THE FUCK

.....that is not an otter

ぱんぱんぱんぱかぱんｐっ-- zubat has eyes???????

happy 30th hourversary.... how fucking long is it gonna take us to get through this route

RUDE

it sure is. youre very observant

we meet again, snor... wait wasnt it a YADON last time

anyway idk if you guys saw it last night because i posted it at asshole o' clock but here's fucko, maybe

ok where were we-- 

right, this guy

fooooooooo

oh no we're under at tacke

..............

alllllright so murdering that TORTO opened up a new path to vermillion city. hooray

let's see how our old friend is doing

same as always, i see

here i am, back in cummie cave-- i just remembered im gonna need to bring cut for this. fuck

here i am, back in cummie cave. im getting the old amber FOR REAL this time because ive forgotten to twice already

in g1 games whenever you want to use hm/field moves you have to do it through the pokemon menu. it's a pain in the ass!

ah, nothing like breaking and entering

at last... ive found you

no, i dont believe we’ve ever met

so he tells us that amber's made of... 

..."juice" from a "wound tree". gotcha

sounds... scandalous

oh my god it's a cat in a labcoat

holy shit youre right there's a testicle encased in there

.....so......

....youre entrusting this "secret amber" to a random child who broke into your office.

like, you trust a complete stranger to carry out your "secret" "investigation" of this chunk of solidified keisk piss with a testicle in it

thanks.... "ankle"??

[tumblunni]

Gradually working my way thru learning about the yokai watch 3 villains, lol. Cant manage to restrain myself from taking just a teeny lil peek at spoilers! I blame that person drawing all the super awesome redemprion headcanon comicry with the cute oc YOU HAVE CURSED ME WITH YOUR GREATNESS

Ok so apparantly mafia ghost dude fuckin loves space and then GOT EXILED TO SPACE FOR 555 YEARS?? His only fuckin crime at the time was believing in ufos and everyone else was like 'nah bro' LIKE CMON UR LITERALLY GODDAMN GHOSTS BUT ALIENS IS TOO ABSURD FOR YOU??? So somehow this dude ended up making it to space and getting trapped on a meteor completely alone for like a bazillion years and holy shit no wonder he turned evil. Like what sort of ironic karma bullshit is it to be like 'i heard u like this thing how about we lock you up there forever unable to move or scream'.

Also seriously AGENT X WAITED 555 YEARS TO SET HIM FREE AND MAKE HIS DREAMS COME TRUE!!! He says he has no regrets! Aaaaa man i really think this whole plot would be even more emotional if they were a couple. Im just getting that vibe!! Im sorry i cant help it u give me two weird ghost dads in stylish suits and a I'LL WAIT FOR YOU FOREVER plot and a MY ONLY DREAM IS SEEING YOUR DREAM COME TRUE and just seriously man look at that quality ship angst. WHY NO HAPPY ENDING THO

And i'm just thinking now about how emotional their reunion probably was. Like i'm imagining Agent X has a hard time being honest about his feelings cos yknow ghoulfather is the boss of the organization and so far out of his league and such. (And he totally doesnt realize that he's his super valued second in command) So when ghoulfather comes back he's probably wrestling with his gut instinct to run forward and embrace him, because Seriously He Is Your Superior It Will Never Happen, Why Am I Like This. So he's just trying to play it all cool and be like "welcome boss i was totally confident that our plan would work and not incredibly depressed for the last few centuries umm here's your coat" And that thing where the character is crying but they dont notice until they put their hand to their face!! That! That scene!! Have one of those in there, yes! And then possibly mid sentence ghoulfather cuts him off and hugs him, and theyre both just finally honest about how much they missed each other. Aaaand then probably five seconds later theyre like *ahem* *professional voice* "well better get back to work"

Also the game probably wouldnt go into any detail with stuff like muscular atrophy or readjusting to earth gravity or the sheer level of phobia that must be in this man's brain from the constant isolation and how hard it must be to adjust back to talking to people when all he's had for so long is his imagination. But fics can explore all that recovery progress! This is our power, to heal the sad villains with our words!

I was just randonly thinking a sweet date scene for them early on in this plot could be Agent X and Ghoulfather going to a random italian restaurant NOT because its a date totally, but just because its been so long since he's been on earth and its something that could maybe cheer him up. But then they just end up complaining together about how modern restaurants in america are so often not run by italian people and have all this weird american versions of stuff, so it ended up not being very memorable after all. Also crappy wheelchair access! (Cos he'd still be recovering at this time) So yeah it ends up being weirdly fun and romantic for two hours of getting pissed off at terrible service. Getting pissed off at terrible service... Together~!

Also probably eight days later Ageny X suddenly realizes "holy shit taking my boss out to a candlelit restaurant just the two of us is MAYBE slightly flirty". I feel like he's a bit of a disaster at expressing his feelings and only ever manages to make the first move when its accidental. But also has like a natural charisma of accidental flirting which means half the damn mafia has a crush on him, lol. Oh also i was considering like a love triangle thing with rongo? But not any of the stereotypical awful love triangle fighty plots. Just rongo having a crush in agent x and sadly agent x was already in love with ghoulfather and doesnt recipricate. But theyre still best friends even though agent x turned him down, and now rongo is the only one who knows about agent x's crush on ghoulfather and he tries to play ultimate wingman between the two. Like 'i want you to be happy even if it isnt with me!!' So he'd probably be the most pissed off if ghoulfather ever betrayed agent x's trust, i feel like agent x would just blame himself for it and rongo would stand up for him like DAMN DUDE DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE MISSED YOU WHEN YOU WERE GONE, YOU RIGHT DENSE BASTARD? That sort of conflict between them, not the more cliche conflict of all three people in a love triangle just being all jealous and secretive and dumb.

Oh also unrelatedly i think Slackerjack and Rongo would be friends? Cos the only time ive seen that slackerjack has any dialogue about him he calls him "a good boy who's quite loud but means well". I can imagine Slackerjack being like that nice grandpa who comes to all of 'little rongo''s music recitals, lol. Or like that meme of 'momma needs her tunes' *death metal blares*. He has all of rongo's cds! Ok actually that mental image is super adorable of this big rockstar dude being like 'omg grampa look im here omg i have to make you proud'. I just feel like rongo is 100% adorable at all times and also has positive relationships with every one of his coworkers like the ray of sunshine that he is. He probably memorizes the names of every single minor minion and gives them all birthday cards. I love this big ol dork.

Anyway this has been Bunni Rambling About Potentially Redeemable Villains They Know Very Little About But Are Very Eager To Meet And Fandomize Over

They all just so good, u guys

[tumblunni]

Baron omatsuri and the secret island traumatizes me yet again, hooray!

Ok wow that was a nostalgia blast! Finally goddamn have a physical copy of this thing to own. Its never been dubbed and the only way to get it was this weird manga UK licensed reprint of a bunch of (i think) hong kong english subtitles. The style of the subtitles looks like that, at least. Its all weird and grainy and very very old fashioned early days of subtitling style, which contrasts completely with the modern dvd menus and box and stuff. And its also a weird combination disc of four different movies, it seems they just bought out a licensing package deal or something? And just baked it onto the disc without checking or editing anything. Its not really a funny sort of bad subtitles though, its just awkward phrasings of thibgs that are hard to understand or random typos or whatever, no legendarily hilarious stuff. I kinda dislike it more when subtitles are like this, when theyre like...actually written by a guy who speaks fluent english but he just never watched the actual movie so theres a bunch of rookie mistakes. Also has a strange case of what you usually only see on fansubs- the obsession with leaving everything in japanese to Sound Cool. Nah we cant call them the Tea Party Pirates we have to say the japanese word for that. Nah we cant have this man say mustache when he's doing the mustache pose and talking about his crew of entirely mustache men who all do this mustache pose NO it has to be Chobehige because its somehow deep and edgy to not understand the word for mustache. Like i feel if i was watching this sub first i would have no idea what was happening! At least its not as bad as that older sub i saw where they insisted on translating friends as "crew", even when it was llike..a singular. This one man is my crew and here are all my other crews! Like i feel like that subber probably originally did that dumb old fandom thing of INSISTING that you had to say Nakama in japanese and Capitalized and it was a Very Important japanese word for specifically pirate friends that was Impossible To Translate. And then they just did a ctrl + F replace on the whole thing and made an incomprehensible mess. Also for some reason sanji just yells DOCTOR out of nowhere (chopper wasnt even in the scene) and baron omatsuri's one syllable "oh" is translated as some long string of what seems to be baseball jargon..?

But ANYWAY the movie is still fuckin awesome and i actually noticed EVEN MORE dark shit and subtle storytelling that i missed when i was a kid! The whole 'small child zombie stares blankly at the place where a sword stabbed through his chest and cant understand why he got back up' scene is EVEN MORE emotionally destructuve than i thought! Cos the subtlety of the voiceacting seems to make the poor kid sound so tired and resigned to it? He's desperately asking and his father figure feeds him the same old lies he's done a million times about how he's totally still alive and everything is fine. Like wow i missed that inplication that this has happened before! And then he kinda sounds like he's actually aware that Baron is lying and he's just pretending to believe him to make him feel better. And then he starts turning back into a corpse and he doesnt panic like muchigoro or not realize whats happening like the grandpas do. He just looks straight at his hand falling apart and tries to lie to Baron to make him feel better. *long shot of him from behind before you see whats happened* "I'm just feeling dizzy again. I've got used to it." *him staring blankly at his body falling apart, not even capable of feeling sad about it anymore* "Don't worry...i've got used to it." *thud*

Like FUCKING HELL this film is the best damn existential horror thing ever and why the FUCK did they market it as a fun happy kids film? it probably would have been way more successful if the twist wasnt kept all twisty, honestly.

And also WOW YEAH theres a lot of stuff thats the subtlest goddamn storytelling in the universe and youd never notice unless you watched this film a million times like i did! Like during the intro when everythibg still seems all fun and cute and normal, the advert for the Totally Innocent Not A Trap Super Secret Island Resort is being read over some random shots of waves and stuff. But then right near the end you see those same shots again and it becomes clear that it was literally the view from Baron's eyes as he was falling from the ship and drowning, desperately trying to keep his head above water and strain his eyes to see if anyone else had survived. All the moments that just looked like camera cuts were actually when his head fell beneath the waves. Thats fuckin amaizng you straight up showed the ending in the beginning and we didnt notice????

Oh and also right before THE FUCKIN TERRIFYING MUCHIGORO DEATH SCENE you see him casually mention being 'sleepy' a few scenes earlier. It just passes by without notice and you think that he's just drunk until he suddenly starts going from comedic slurring to fucking asphixiating and the SKIN ON HIS FINGERS PEELING OFF. Oh hey! Another thing i didnt notice before! FUCKING THAT. A fun game for you on your rewatch! Looking out to find the secret finger horror! Ha ha ha...ha...

Also MAN OH WOW all the subtle signs of Baron getting more desparate throughout the movie and how it seems the time limit for the zombies was almost up and he had to kill these specific pirates right now because he couldnt spare even a few more hours. In retrospect it makes sense how he was slipping up and leaving evidence for the heroes to figure him out. And its just so subtly offputting and strange how he goes from making a big fun performance about the festival early on and then starts subtky rushing through the formalities faster. Like you dont eveb conciously notice the tone is changing until suddenly BAM the full change happens and you realise you missed all those signs! And aaaa its so fuckin sad how you see him come running when muchigoro drops dead and he's like fuckin GET OUT OF THE WAY DAMMIT and kneels down next to the body and theb he just..turns emotionless again and goes ITS TIME FOR THE NEXT CHALLENGE. It is time. Its now. Shut the fuck up and do it, i dont have time to deal with this shit, just die so i can bring my friend back. (Tho of course you dont know thats why at the time) And then whats most jarring about the whole scene to me is how he's like "okay fuck it theres no more fun theres no more attractions, if youre not gonna play along then the final game is just i shoot your damn head off" WHILE YKNOW STILL STANDING OVER THE CORPSE OF HIS FRIEND AND STARING DAGGERS INTO THEM LIKE ITS THEIR FAULT FOR DARING TO CLING ONTO LIFE and then a fuckin half finished hapoy fun carnival game sign pops up in the backgroubd and everyone walks past it. Why was that somehow both hilarious and terrifying????? Just fuckin 'whoops we had this thing ready to go but alright its murder time i guess' and everyone IS SUDDENLY PACKING HEAT AND RIDDLING OUR HEROES WITH BULLETS???

And also even more subtly Baron just?? Stays with muchigoro?? Like notice how the entirety of the endgame takes place around where the dude dropped dead. And how when mustache pirate guy saves luffy you see Baron just walking in circles around the same area angrily shooting arrows at nothing in complete desperation even though the dude is gone and itd make more sense to run after him. No he stays standing right there and actually looks really damn relieved when luffy comes back, he's like 'holy shit you really were stupid enough to walk right into my trap jesus christ im so glad but also youre a dumbass'. And he fights entirely using arrows at this point so you might not even notice that he barely walks more than just circling a two meter radius of fuckin DEAD BEST FRIEND CORPSE. Which btw blends intonthe shadows for this entire scene and they only draw attention it again after Baron wibs and muchigoro comes back to life. And UGH MY HEART you see him smile genuinely for the firstvtime and he's like 'im so glad youre okay' and muchigoro is like 'haha im more than okay i can do somersaults!' and generally being a FUCKING TREASURE and this poor fuckin horrible evil man is hugging his buddy and gently leading him away from the battlefield so he doesnt norice he was just fuckin murdering some dudes to ressurect him. God the scariest damn thing about this film is how the zombies dont know theyre zombies and honestky they probably wouldnt even agree with their boss's plan to kill people to keep them alive. They justvthink they live a perfectly normal happy life on hapoy festival island, and he wants them to stay that way and never feel pain again :(

Aaaaand then yeah the infamous scene of revealing this horrifying intestines flower is growing out of the flesh on his back and all the corpses its digesting are pushed against the undulating flesh of its throat like a snake devouring its prey. And its cutesy fake flower face grows infinate eyes as it just keeps laughing and laughing. And then it gets graphically blown apart and the poor goddamn parasite host tries to shove the bloody instestines back into its body, knowing that without this horrifying monster chewing on his goddamn veins all his friends will go back to being dead.

THE END

THE FUCKING END

God it ends so abruptly seriously

I still cry my eyes out every time at the ending monologue of Baron dying and meeting all the souls of his dead friends and theyre crying telling him he shouldnt be here, they wish he'd been able to find another reason to live without him...

And then THE END

JAUNTY MUSIC OVER THE CREDITS

THE FUCKIN END I GUESS

What a great but very oddly executed movie. Seriously i feel it could have worked better if it was given space to breathe and more deeply explore the dark themes rather than the weirdness of trying to fool the audience into thinking it was cheerful and innocent. Like all of this shit happens in the last 30 minutes of the movie! They spend 60 minutes on the fun carnival games! What a strange sense of priorities!!

I WOULD DEVOUR A MILLION HOURS MORE OF DEEP SAD ZOMBIE CONTENT

I am like the Lily of fanfics

Oh yeah btw the horrifying deadly elder god spine parasite thing is named Lily and it looks pretty much exactly like flowey from undertale. This film kinda spoiled me for that game LOL ive never trusted a single talking flower ever since!