#gray is rewatching supernatural

[abstractcowboy]

cas. we’ve talked about this. personal space?

right.

[fallenangelblade]

you know if spn does get a revival/s16, i think they should go back to shooting it on 35mm film

[plutoswritingplanet]

Ring Of Fire (Lucifer x Female!Reader)

a/n: again, no one asked for this, but i've been rewatching supernatural and there is something about season 5 Lucifer that just hits the spot for me. this one will be multiple chapters (i swear), a bit on the darker side. Cross-Posted on AO3

Warnings: Dub-Con (nothing too scandalous), Soulmates (but not really), follows season 5 storyline, Kinda Depressing, Strongly Inspired by "Preacher's Daughter" by Ethel Cain

Summary: Knowing God has an actual plan for you would be comforting for most people. You, however, seem to be always down on your luck.

PT.2

The foliage is damp with the night's air, water seeping into the fabric of your jeans, as you sit in the low bushes, watching. Smoke still fills your lungs, and grief still fills your heart, Jo and Ellen's faces etched just beneath your eyelids. Tears stain your cheeks, drying slowly on your skin, forming an uncomfortable crust. It's been such a long time since you've experienced loss such as this. One that rips something out of you and refuses to give it back. You must've grown too comfortable since Dean has been brought back, life needed to bring you back down. Your hands hurt from the tight grip you hold on a branch of a nearby tree, nerves locking you in place, as you watch Dean approach the Devil. Except, you're not there anymore. 

It's warm inside Bobby's home, and you've changed out of your past outfit, scattering it on the floor, never to be used again. Still, you can feel phantom moisture on your knees, elbows, on the palms of your hands. Coldness, like nothing you've ever experienced, seeps deep into your bones, taking root within you. No candle, no prayer, no ancient exorcism can cleanse you of the revelations you've seen tonight. Your head feels heavy, when you drop it onto the pillow, as if some weight is pressing you further down, through the comforter, through the bed and the wooden floor. Through all the layers of Earth, until you're right where you're supposed to be. 

It's unfortunate, you thought back then, compelled to reveal yourself from your hideout by one command you couldn't ignore, he looks just like any human. Tall and lean, with a little softness to his body. His clothes were unassuming as well, casual. As if he just took a stroll through the woods from a supermarket. No one told you the name of his vessel, who he was before he said yes, why did he do it. His eyes were ordinary as well. Blue and gray, aged, tired. Human.

It would've been so easy to pass him on the streets, not knowing. He could've been one of the patrons in the countless bars you've visited while on the hunt. Handsome, yes, with an aura of a beaten dog around him, that, in any other circumstances would've made him irresistable to you. You could never refuse a hopeless case, now you supposed you knew why. 

Sam made you tea. It sits untouched on your night stand, steam flowing in dancing ribbons into the ceiling. Somehow, you can't seem to force yourself to drink it, even if you know the intention behind it has been kind. You couldn't eat as well, the smell of cooking coming from Bobby's kitchen reminded you too much of the smell of smoke coming from the exploding hardware store. And his smell. 

Burning coals, cedar wood, jasmine, all of them were pleasant once. Now, you know they will always be stuck in your head with only one association. Lucifer. 

Even thinking of his name brings a wave of shivers running down your back, as you curl into yourself on the bed. Your fingers scratch at skin of your jaw, trying to regain some sense of autonomy. Still, you can feel a phantom of his icy touch, where he grabbed your face like his hands were meant for it. And in a way they were. At least, that's what he told you. 

The demons gathered around the mass grave didn't even react, as you ran out of your cover, pushed to reveal yourself by the sight of Dean's flying body. Because how else would he coax you out, if not through the hurt of your boys? In hindsight, you were glad Dean was unconscious for the most part of this ordeal. After the night's events, it was hard to look him in the eye, you didn't need him witnessing your downfall over your head as well. Sam tried to make his way over to you, feet sliding cautiously through the grass, but suddenly Lucifer's eyes were on you, and you could feel your fate get sealed then and there. 

He clasped his hands in front of him, pursing his lips as he took you in, cowering on the ground, trying hard to find Dean's pulse. 

- You boys brought me a gift - he mused, eyes crinkling with some strange emotion - You shouldn't have. 

One gesture later, you're up on your feet, limbs trembling as he abandoned his shovel in favor of making his way towards you. You're frozen, fear seizing you in a tight grip, and you can't seem to think straight, as you watch him approach. Last day on Earth, you muse, life flashing before your eyes, when he raises both his hands. And then he grips your face, gentle yet confident, and the world around you spins. He's cold, so cold it's unnatural. Your lips fall apart in a silent gasp. 

- Do you know who you are? - he asks in a quiet voice that suddenly makes you understand why he's temptation incarnate - Do you know why you were put on this Earth?

All you can do is stare, confusion creasing your eyebrows. His breath reaches your collarbones, as he lowers his head slightly. You can hear him chuckle to himself. The sound makes you shudder, fear and anticipation mix within your gut. 

- All those years of hunting, struggling... - your life seems so trivial, coming from his lips - It all lead you here, to me. Doesn't that sound lovely?

It doesn't. It most definitely doesn't. Tears of confusion prick at the corners of your eyes, your breathing quickens. Panic settles into your nerves like a paralyzing blanket. Because here stands a threat of magnitude you couldn't even dream of. The Satan, the Devil, Bible's biggest villain. And he knows something about you, that you cannot comprehend. 

- It's really quite pathetic, when you think about it - he muses, hands leaving your face in a flash, as he starts to pace in thought.

Swaying in your place, you risk looking at Sam, his confusion mirroring your own. Dean is still unconscious beside him. There's a thin smudge of blood running down his forehead, and you want to move so badly. You've spent years caring for these boys, being there for them, whenever they needed you. Yet, at this crucial moment all you can do, is stare in horror.  

- My Father's last ditched attempt - Lucifer turns to you with a tight smile that doesn't reach his eyes - To give me my own special little bag of worms. To own, to care for, to change my mind. 

- What?

Your own voice sounds foreign to your ears. Lies. Those had to be lies. He's Satan after all, manipulation was his forte. Yes, that had to be it. Just another, messed up way at getting an upper hand over Sam. 

This time, you nearly scream when he advances towards you, his cold hands immediately finding purchase on your face, covering your jaw and your cheeks. He presses against your face so hard, you have to take a step back as he comes closer still. Sam's figure flashes out of the corner of your eye, and suddenly you feel the rough surface of a tree bark digging into your back. 

- You - for the first time you can hear some tension in his voice, something more than cold indifference - You were made for me, Honey. Just like Sam is destined to be my vessel, you're destined to be by my side. To own, to care. - he repeats those words like a mantra, and you want to throw up at how genuine he sounds.

He smiles at your terror. Tears start to flow freely from your eyes, falling on his cold fingers, skipping down his arms in smudges. His hands start to move, a perversion of a caress, as he ruffles your hair. Your head bounces off the tree, and you try with all your might to free yourself out of his grip. Your limbs flail at your sides, and you crane your neck so far back, your muscles start to strain. He doesn't let go, pressing himself closer, one of his hands coming up to grip your hair. Your nails dig into his cotton shirt, as you push against his chest to no avail. 

- No - you whisper, your rejection falling flat against his unaffected stare - I'd never...

- See, but that's the best part - his sudden enthusiasm scares you deeper, than any passive stare ever could. - Unlike Sam...

You backpedal into the tree again, as he leans closer still. His cold breath mixes with your short, panicked ones, and your stomach churns, when he tilts his head in curiosity, as if he's experiencing this intimacy for the first time. And in a way, you suppose he is. Then, his eyes meet yours, gray captivates you, and you hold your breath on instinct.

- You don't have to say yes to me. 

You're not even allowed the decency of taking a gasp of air, when his lips press into yours. It feels beyond weird. He's unnaturally cold, and there is a sort of unpracticed sloppiness in the way he fights for your mouth to fit against each other. Reminding you of your first, inexperienced romances, he smashes your faces together until you feel both sets of your teeth through the flesh. Then, he pulls back just a smidgen, taking in your terrified face. Something flashes through his expression, and he sighs, leaning back towards you, stopping just short of your left ear. 

- Kiss me like you mean it, or I'll make Dean eat his intestines. 

He looks at you, just once, letting you know this is not a game. Your heart stops. 

Dean's unconscious body starts to move by the tree, and never in your life have you felt so helpless. So, when Lucifer unavoidably leans back down, you give him all you've got. Your body arches, hands come up to his hair, and you will yourself not to feel grossed out by the feeling of his cold tongue slipping past your teeth. It's a fight for survival, you remind yourself, as his hands move to your back, rubbing your skin like a horny teenager in a bathroom stall. The short supply of air you've been granted runs out quickly, and as pressure builds in your lungs, you start to push against the Archangel's chest. He doesn't register what you're doing, not at first, confusing your sudden unwillingness as some sort of late attempt at rebellion. That is, until you bang your fist against his shoulder, letting out a muffled scream. 

Finally, he detaches himself, hair even more disheveled than before. You take a heaving gasp of air, as you brace yourself against the tree, your vision swimming ever so slightly. Lucifer watches you, his body hunched over, as if he's observing some middle schooler's science project. There are new tears in your eyes, just waiting to fall. Your hair is disheveled and your lips are puffy from his unpracticed assaults. His right hand comes up to his face, and he bites on his index finger in thought. 

- You really are human - he muses to himself, and with every fiber of your being, you try to explode his head with your brain - That's no fun, you'll break so easily...

- Fuck you - your words make his eyebrows raise, and he straightens out with a flourish.

- Fuck you - he repeats, mocking your tone - Yeah, I probably will - you watch, disgusted, as he sends a wink towards Sam.

Then, he's back to his shovel, back to his mass grave, where he completes the ritual. 

You can't move, not really, even when Sam tugs on your shoulder. Your head runs empty, realization of your current predicament far from registered in your brain. You stay frozen in your spot, when Castiel arrives, taking the three of you back to Bobby's house. Only, when the Angel's hand pushes against your rib cage, only when you feel Enochian symbols burn into your bones, do you lift your gaze. Apologetic doesn't really cover the way Castiel looks at you, and the pity painted on his face drags you down more than any Devil could.  

Sam is the only one to truly understand, when you fall to the floor, shock, anger and dread spilling out of you like a broken faucet. He's the only one that truly knows how it feels to have your bodily autonomy stripped away by the literal Devil. How it feels to have a threat of such magnitude hanging over you, every day. Which is why, he's the one to lift you in his arms, and get you to the guest room, lead away by the concerned glances of the rest of the men. He's the one to make you tea, bring you fresh clothes. He opens the window when the smell of dinner makes you retch. And finally, he's the one to explain, what really happened back on that hill to the rest of the group.

From your fetal position on the bed you can hear Dean curse, throw something somewhere. All the ways he knows, how to show he cares. Despite everything, it makes you smile, face pressed to the pillow that smells like cigarette smoke and beer. You're doomed. There's nothing you can do against God's plan, and you can feel that thought take root in you like an invasive species ready to destroy every crop in it's path. Still, despite it all, a sense of security falls upon you like a decieving blanket. 

- What sort of a messed up game is this? - Dean screams somewhere in the house, you assume it's at Cass, the only one even remotely aware of your destiny. 

The idea, that God made you specifically to be Satan's personal therapist sounds far fetched at best, but given how the last couple of months have been going, you're more inclined to believe in the absolutely worst scenarios. You don't even need to hear Castiel's response. The sound of glass breaking is telling enough. Then, a door slamms somewhere, and the house falls into heavy silence.

You can't think. Can't allow yourself to fall apart more than you've had already. So, you focus on the sound of your own breathing, interlinked with your heartbeat. Steady, alive. Your eyelids are heavy, eyes burn with drying tears, so you close them and sigh. Exhaustion pinns you in place, sinking you into the blankets. Darkness welcomes you like a long lost friend.

Your boys will find a way, they always do. And Lucifer can't find you, not with the wards Castiel has put on you. You'll have to thank him i the morning, you think, and it's the last conscious thought you have, before slipping into sleep, shivering like an abandoned child. 

[seungkw1]

the truth is out there — csc

♡ pairing: choi seungcheol x gn!reader ♡ theme: x-files au ♡ wc: 8.2k ♡ warnings: none ♡ a/n: started rewatching the x-files recently and the idea of this popped into my head so i simply had to write it!! also, y/ln refers to ‘your last name’ bc ya know. agent stuff.

‧₊˚✩彡 moodboard by @myhimbomingi ‧₊˚✩彡

When you joined the FBI you didn’t expect to end up working in the basement with a peculiar agent obsessed with all things extraterrestrial, but your new assignment is certainly taking you places you’ve never been before.

10 September 1993 Washington, D.C.

taptaptap

The light knocking on your desk pulls your focus away from the almost-completed report on the screen of your monitor. Most would call report writing the boring part of the job, and while you don’t necessarily disagree your high levels of attentiveness allow you to efficiently plug away at the otherwise mind-numbing task - so, you don’t mind it so much. That is, unless you are interrupted. 

“Hey Frenchie, the Bergmeister wants to see you.” 

Stifling a sigh, you look up at your bothersome coworker, Soonyoung, who is currently leaning over your desk while eating a sandwich. You grimace as you see the multitude of crumbs he’s managed to drop all over your paperwork in the five seconds he’s been standing there.

“What does he want?” you ask, not bothering to hide your annoyance.

“Didn’t say,” he mumbles through the large bite he just stuffed into his mouth.

The Bergmeister is the inane moniker Soonyoung and his pals call your supervisor, Assistant Director Bergman, behind his back. Frenchie is the irritating nickname nearly half the office now calls you, to your face, due to an unfortunate incident involving French dressing and the light gray pantsuit you chose to wear on your very first day on the job. You figured they’d get tired of it after a few days, but that was several weeks ago at this point - and much to your chagrin it seems to have stuck.

You give Soonyoung a very obviously fake grin to accompany your obviously sarcastic response. “Thank you, Agent Soonyoung - helpful as always.”

Soonyoung winks at you. “For you? Anytime.” You imagine grabbing his sandwich and bopping it on his head. 

The muted sounds of landlines ringing, keyboards clacking, and fax machines whirring drift past your ears as you walk steadily to Bergman’s office, maintaining a false air of confidence as to mask your anxiety. You’ve never been called into his office alone in the two months you’ve worked for the FBI - you quickly leaf through your mind for anything you’ve done that could be a potential mistake, but you come up empty handed. 

Bergman’s door is ajar - you rap your knuckle against it twice as you step inside. He peers up at you through thick, round lenses. 

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes, come in, have a seat - and shut the door behind you.”

The heavy door closes with a deep thunk. As you lower yourself into the chair facing the desk you notice you’re joined by a man you’ve never seen before. He says nothing, but looms in the corner of the room, smoking a cigarette. 

“I’ll spare you the bullshit, Y/ln,” Bergman starts. He looks more tired than usual. “Have you heard of the bureau’s division known as the ‘x-files’?”

You feel your normally stoic face contort into a confused expression. Whatever you were expecting him to say, it wasn’t that.

“Well, yes, sir… but isn’t that an unofficial department?”

He takes a sip from his styrofoam cup of coffee. “Correct - it’s not official, but I assure you it is very much a ‘functional’ operation.” He all but rolls his eyes at functional. 

You shoot a glance at the unintroduced man in the corner, but he remains expressionless. Bergman continues. 

“I’m sure by now you’re well aware of the reputation surrounding this subsect and its…proprietor, shall we say.”

You give a single nod. By your second day in the office you’d heard all about the x-files: cases allegedly involving aliens, the supernatural, and all sorts of nonsense you chalked up to pure baloney. You’d also learned of the lone employee who spearheads the whole operation from the bureau basement: Agent Choi. Nobody seems to take him, or it, seriously - so much so that you had begun to doubt if it was even a real department, and if Choi even existed. But apparently, the rumors were true. 

“I am not at liberty to discuss the reasons behind this decision,” Bergman tells you, “but all you need to know is that this assignment is significant in nature.”

Assignment?? Surely he doesn’t mean…

“I’m not sure I understand,” you ask hesitantly, “am I-”

“Being assigned to the x-files? Yes.”

Your stomach lurches. You open your mouth to inquire what exactly it is you’ve done wrong, but clearly he anticipated this exact response. 

“This is not a punishment - though I certainly know why it might seem that way. But, it’s imperative that we receive reliable insight into the operations of this endeavor.”

You sit there in silence for a few seconds, dumbfounded. “So, you’re asking me to spy on Agent Choi.”

Bergman waves his hand dismissively. “Yes, yes, I know how this sounds. And essentially - yes, you will be our eyes and ears into this otherwise elusive project. Choi will know we’re sending you there to report back to us, but we don’t care. We are confident you will succeed in providing us with useful information.”

You wait for him to go on, to elaborate in any capacity, but apparently he’s finished. 

“Alright then, so when do I-”

“Immediately,” Bergman interjects. You purse your lips, trying to hide your displeasure. 

“Yes sir,” you reply as respectfully as you can muster. 

“Great. We’re counting on you, Y/ln.” You glance once more at the smoking man in the corner, but he remains silent. 

“Dismissed.”

You walk out of Bergman’s office, still trying to process what the fuck just happened. You have the misfortune of passing Soonyoung’s desk on the way back to yours - he opens his mouth, clearly about to say something annoying again, but you briskly zoom past him before he can get a word out. You make a beeline for your desk, grabbing only your purse and coffee cup before heading toward the elevator. 

X-files, here I come, I fucking guess. 

—-

Your eyes take a few seconds to adjust as you step into the dim basement. The elevator doesn’t come down to this level - you spent a good ten minutes trying to locate the correct stairwell that would even bring you here. You make your way through a seemingly endless hallway of dusty filing cabinets, forgotten boxes, and broken computers before you find yourself in front of a nondescript door, not quite shut - the only thing signifying that you’ve arrived at your destination being the makeshift paper name plate with S. Choi written in ink. You raise your fist to knock but before you can do so you hear a voice call out from inside. 

“Come in.”

You push the door in, its hinges giving you a high-pitched squeeeeak as it opens. You make a mental note to find some WD-40. 

The sad excuse for an office is equally dim-lit as the hallway, but it’s a sight to behold: a desk at the center of the room - neat, but stacked with newspapers and case files, a small lamp lighting up the open file in the desk’s center; a bookshelf nearly reaching the ceiling, overflowing with books on seemingly every topic under the sun; archival boxes stacked as tall as the numerous filing cabinets, which are also topped with more boxes; a massive bulletin board filled with articles and photos; but most notably, pinned the wall, is a poster featuring a flying saucer, accompanied with the text I WANT TO BELIEVE.

In the bizarre room sits a dark-haired man typing at his computer, his back to you. 

“I presume you heard me coming,” you state. 

“From a mile away,” he replies, still typing. 

You wait for him to turn around, say hello, anything - but the clickclack of his keyboard continues.

Several seconds pass, but the man says nothing. Apparently, it’s on you to break the silence.

You sigh under your breath. “I’m Agent Y/ln, I’ve been-”

“Assigned to the x-files to spy on me?” he interrupts, eyes still glued to the monitor. 

“They told me you’d know that,” you admit. 

The typing stops. Choi turns around, the heavy desk chair giving an unpleasant creak as he leans his elbow over its back, finally facing you. His appearance takes you by surprise: strong eyebrows, plump red lips, soft dark-brown eyes - you weren’t expecting to find such a handsome face attached to the man with a reputation for being a “crazy UFO freak”, in the words of your coworkers. He’s much younger than you anticipated too, around your age - and seemingly so… normal. His eyes do a quick scan of your figure - his expression barely changes, but a quick flash of interest tells you you’re not exactly what he expected either. It is extinguished almost immediately. 

“Yeah, well, it wouldn’t be the first time.” His tone is passive, but you detect a hint of somberness in his words. His warm eyes lock onto yours. 

“Name’s Choi, but I’m sure you already knew that. You can call me Seungcheol, though.” If it was anyone else, you’d think it was flirtatious in nature - but you can tell that was not his intention.

“Okay. Well, Choi, what exactly am I to do here?”

An eager grin lights up his face. He rises from his chair, grabs a case file off the pile on his desk, and opens it - throwing it back down onto the desk, facing you.

“I’m so glad you asked.”

You quickly skim the details: a series of disappearances in a small town, all teenagers. So far, no bodies have been found. Local law enforcement has compiled a list of suspects, but they don’t seem to have many leads.

“Okay, so we have a potential serial killer.” 

Choi shakes his head. “That’s what the local police think. Which seems reasonable, unless you’re familiar with the location.”

You glance back at the file. Spirit Lake, Iowa.

“Never heard of it.”

“It’s a known UFO hotspot. Sightings have been reported for decades, most notably in 1967 when there were three different sightings - one of which was caught on camera by two different witnesses.”

He hands you a stack of old polaroids. You flip through the grainy photographs, which all appear to showcase an ambiguous but distinct saucer-shaped object in the night sky.

You stare at your new partner. “Choi, this could be anything. Most so-called UFO ‘sightings’ are nothing more than aircraft that are very much from Earth.”

“The U.S. Weather Service officially stated that it was a weather balloon, however no weather balloons were launched within 500 miles that day. There were also no flights - civilian or military - on record for the area that night.”

“And have you considered that this could all just be a hoax?”

“Sure, it could be. But what if I told you that in 1967 there were also three recorded disappearances, all coinciding with the UFO sightings?”

He hands you a separate case file on the 1967 disappearances. All of the cases are closed, as the three who went missing eventually turned up again - unable to account for what happened to them, but otherwise unharmed.

You close the file, setting it on the desk. “So let me get this straight: you think these people were all abducted by aliens. And you think the exact same scenario is happening again, this year?”

“There have been three recent UFO sightings in the area reported, and we have three missing teens. It all matches up.”

You stand there in silence, at a loss for words. Guess everyone was right, you think to yourself. The man is insane. 

“Okay, let’s say you’re right,” you finally respond. “How exactly are we supposed to contribute here? Looks like they’ve already exhausted all leads. Why the hell do we need to fly out to Iowa?”

Choi gives a knowing smile. “They found the first girl this morning. Alive. Barely remembers anything, but unharmed.”

“And you want to go catch some little green men.”

“Actually, ‘little green men’ is a misconception - known encounters have widely reported extraterrestrials to be gray-skinned and not that much smaller than us. But anyway, more or less - yes, we’ll be in search of evidence that alien life is making contact with humanity.”

You stand there in disbelief. So this is where you’ve ended up - in the basement with a madman on a wild goose chase. As you’re thinking about quitting on the spot, Choi goes back to his computer.

“Anyway I’ll get us booked for the first flight out of here tomorrow morning,” he informs as he resumes his typing. “Want me to pick you up?

“No, that’s quite alright.”

“Suit yourself.” 

You wait for him to say something further, but he doesn’t. You turn to leave. As you approach the doorway you hear the creaking of his chair once more. Looking back, Choi is facing you.

“It’s nice to meet you, Agent Y/ln.” 

His expression is sincere. You may be stuck with a madman, but at least he’s not a complete asshole.

“Nice to meet you, too.”

You feel Choi’s eyes follow you as you exit the room.

—

11 September 1993 Spirit Lake, Iowa

The gravel driveway crunches loudly as the rental car slows to a stop. Your partner shuts off the ignition and turns to face you, his left hand still resting on the wheel.  

“Ready?”

You glare back at him. “You’re acting like this is my first case, Choi. I’ve done this before.”

You open your door and exit the car before he can reply. You’ve barely gotten started on this investigation, but he’s already on your nerves. 

You approach the cottage-style house and ring the bell. A disgruntled-looking woman in her 40s opens the door.

“Mrs. Miller? I’m Agent Choi, and this is my partner Agent Y/ln.” You both raise your badges. “We’re here to speak with Alexandra, may we come inside?”

Mrs. Miller practically scowls at you. “She’s already spoken to the cops three times, leave us alone.” The door slams shut in your face.

You and Choi shoot a look at each other. You hear a voice shouting inside, followed by loud arguing. The door reopens to a young girl, high-school age, with jet black dyed hair, heavy eyeliner, and a nose ring.

“Ignore my mom, she’s a huge bitch,” the girl says as she steps outside, slamming the door behind her. She marches past you. “I’ll talk to you, let’s walk.”

Choi raises his eyebrows at you as he turns to follow the girl. You join him.

“You must be Alexandra,” he says to the girl, who is still walking.

“Alex,” she corrects. The girl finally stops, turning around to face you. “Are you going to take me seriously or are you just going to laugh in my face like the cops did?”

“I believe you,” your partner assures her. 

The girl turns to you, arms crossed. “I take it you’re the skeptic then?” Before you can respond she continues. “Trust me, I am too. I’ve always heard all the stories growing up about the abductions in this town, but I thought it was all bullshit. But I don’t know how else to explain what happened to me.”

“Can you start from the beginning?” Choi asks.

The girl sighs. “Yeah, sure. I was driving home from my friend Becky’s house, by myself. It was pretty late, like around 9pm. I was on Campbell Road, I had just passed the old schoolhouse. It was dark as shit and nobody else was around. Then suddenly there was this crazy bright light, it was all around me and I couldn’t see anything. I remember slamming on my breaks, but I don’t know what happened after that. I don’t know how long I was out, but I do remember waking up a few times and I swear I was in some like laboratory or something. I was laying down but I couldn’t move - I could just barely make out some figures standing over me. Then, next thing I know I’m walking down the road again, right where I was driving. No fucking clue how I got there. A deputy found me and took me to the hospital. They told me I was gone for six days. I had to talk to the cops like a hundred times, but there was nothing else wrong with me so they sent me home. And now everybody thinks I’m fucking crazy.” 

“Nobody believes you, then,” your partner empathizes.

“The cops think I’m lying and that I ran off with my ‘boyfriend’ for a week,” she scoffs. “I don’t even have a boyfriend. But of course that’s what my mom believes now, so now I’m fucking grounded.”

“I’m sorry,” Choi tells her sincerely. 

“Do you have any connections to the others who have gone missing?” you ask.

Alex shrugs. “I mean, we all go to school with each other, but I don’t really know them.”

Choi finds a piece of paper and a pen in his jacket pocket and scribbles something on it, then hands it to the girl.

“This is where we’re staying, if you remember anything else give us a call.”

On the drive back, Choi appears to make a wrong turn. 

“You were supposed to go left,” you tell him.

He shakes his head. “I want to check out the location where Alex was taken from.”

“Why?” you ask, “There’s nothing there. When they found the car they towed it.”

“Just want to check it out.”

You can tell you’re not going to get any further answers out of him, so you just sit there in silence, listening to whatever is on the local radio playing quietly in the background. Your stomach starts to rumble, so you glance at the clock: 4:54pm. No wonder, you think to yourself. You hadn’t stopped for lunch, so you were well overdue for a meal. You made a mental note to look out for restaurants on the way back.

“There’s the schoolhouse,” Choi points out a few minutes later. “We must be close.”

The sound of static fills the car as the radio cuts out. You fiddle with the knob, trying to find something else, but nothing is coming in. Guess we’re out of range.

Suddenly, the car goes silent as the engine dies. You’ve barely rolled to a stop when your partner jumps out of the car and starts running back the way you came.

“Where the hell are you going??” you shout after him. No response. With a sigh you exit the car as well. You see him standing in the road, looking at the ground. He turns as he hears you coming, pointing down to the road. 

“See the tire marks? This must be where Alex hit the brakes.”

You look at the ground to see the black marks, indicating a car had braked abruptly.

“Our car shut off right as we passed this exact spot,” he says excitedly, jogging back to the rental car. As you follow, you hear him trying the ignition a few times, until the car finally turns back on. 

“Look,” he commands as you re-enter the passenger seat. He points to the digital clock on the dashboard: 5:11pm. “What time do you have?” 

You glance at your watch: 4:56pm.

“Many instances of alien activity result in residual electromagnetic fields. It’s often been reported that those visiting such sites will experience ‘missing time’, a phenomenon we appear to have just experienced.”

The look on his face is energized - borderline excited. You stare back at him, unenthused.

“Choi, just because my watch is wrong doesn’t mean we time traveled.”

“Then why did the car turn off in this exact spot?”

“It’s a machine, cars malfunction sometimes,” you respond, nearly exasperated. “You’re trying to connect dots that aren’t even here.”

“These events happening in tandem indicate that something abnormal is going on here, Y/ln. You’re choosing to ignore substantial evidence.”

“Oh my god,” you mumble, holding your head in your hands.

Choi shifts the car into drive and makes a u-turn. “Let’s get something to eat.”

“That’s the first reasonable thing you’ve said all day.”

He smiles, but says nothing.

On the drive back into town, you subtly watch him out of the corner of your eye. He drives in silence, but you can tell he’s deep in thought - about what, who knows. Despite his ridiculous antics and asinine beliefs, you admit that his passion is oddly inspiring. You find yourself starting to grow fond of your new partner for some strange, inexplicable reason. 

You push that thought to the back of your mind.

—

13 September 1993

“Can you hand me the Ramos case file?”

You look around for the requested file, to no avail. You joined Choi in his motel room early in the morning to review case files, which is proving to be incredibly difficult as he is apparently one to haphazardly leave shit all over the room while he is working. 

You finally locate the folder and toss it over to him. “You know, this might be easier if the entire place wasn’t an absolute disaster zone.” 

“I like to call it organized chaos,” he says proudly.

It has been six days since the second kid, Mark Ramos, disappeared - and Choi is convinced that he’ll be “returned” today, given that Alex was found after the same amount of time. So, much to your displeasure he planned for you two to stake out the location where he was last seen: the parking lot of the gas station corner store where the boy works.

“Wow, that sounds enthralling,” you told him, deeply sarcastically. 

As you are wrapping up prepping for the stakeout, the landline on the nightstand rings.

Your partner reaches and grabs the phone, stretching the cord across the room and placing the receiver between his ear and his shoulder as he continues working. 

“Choi,” he answers curtly.

You hear a muffled voice on the other end utter a few sentences before he stops what he’s doing. A tired look washes over his face.

“God fucking dammit. Alright, thanks.” He slams the phone back onto the base.

“They just found the kid. We missed it.”

You’re secretly relieved that you don’t have to go sit in a car for hours now, but you keep that to yourself. He’s clearly peeved, and although you’ve never witnessed his bad side you’re discerning enough to know that you don’t want to be on it.

“I’m sorry,” you say finally.

To your surprise, he walks over to the bed - where you’re sitting - and plops down onto it, holding his head in his hands.

You sit there awkwardly in silence for a few moments, not knowing what to do.

“Are you okay?” you finally ask.

Your partner sighs. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just thought we had this one.”

You feel the urge to ask the question that’s been on the back of your mind since you met him, but he seems really dejected - and you don’t want to upset him. Fuck it, you decide.

“Can I ask you something?”

He lifts his head up, resting his chin on his interlaced hands as he looks over at you.

“Sure,” he answers. You find yourself starting to get lost in his big brown eyes, but you force yourself to snap out of it.

“Why are you so obsessed with aliens? I mean - it seems like more than just an interest for you. It seems… personal, almost.”

Choi exhales, closing his eyes. He sits up, leaning back onto his hands, staring into the distance with a sense of sadness in his expression.

“When I was 12, my younger brother and I were very close. We were three years apart, but we had so much in common.

He pauses, lost in thought for a moment. He continues.

“Jinsang and I always shared a bedroom. We had a bunk bed, he slept on the top bunk.” He smiles wistfully. “He loved it up there. Always called himself ‘king of the world’. Even as he got older, he never lost his childlike wonder. He was the definition of pure at heart.”

You listen solemnly. You honestly were expecting some off-the-wall answer from him - you didn’t anticipate that it’d be anything so serious.

“Late one night, I was supposed to be asleep, but I was reading a book under the covers with my flashlight. Suddenly there was a blinding light that filled the room, and a deafeningly loud whirring noise that made me cover my ears. I pulled the blanket off me, but the only thing I could make out was some dark figures standing in the room. I couldn’t see who it was, so I assumed it was my parents. I called out for them, but the figures didn’t move. It was so loud and so bright. I was terrified.

Then - I heard my brother scream. He was screaming for help, but I was paralyzed. Suddenly everything stopped. The light and the sounds disappeared in an instant. I looked where the figures were standing, but nobody was there. I didn’t hear my brother anymore either. I jumped out of bed to check on him - but he wasn’t in his bed. I started to panic. I told myself maybe he had run out of the room, but I knew I didn’t see or hear him climb down. I ran to my parents crying, ‘Jinsang’s gone!’ They searched the house, but he wasn’t there. They searched the neighborhood, thinking he had run away, but he wasn’t anywhere. The police investigation went on for months. They never found him.”

He rests his head back on his hands. You sit there silently, not knowing what to say. Your mind races, trying to process his words: So, he believes his brother was abducted by aliens? He may be strange, but he’s not mentally disturbed, I really don’t believe he would just make something like that up… But what can the explanation be? Is it a false memory created as a trauma response to his brother disappearing?...

“I’m so sorry,” you finally tell him. Without thinking you place your hand on his shoulder - but after a moment you realize how awkward that might be. He’s your assigned work partner - you met him three days ago. But, you feel his tension slightly ease - your touch seems to be relaxing him. Choi lets out a deep exhale and sits up - you quickly drop your hand back to your side. He rests his palms on the bed, just barely grazing your pinky finger. You hold your breath as a spark of electricity rushes through your body - you ignore it.

“Thanks,” he says sincerely. “I know how it sounds to other people. But that’s why I get so invested in these cases. I have to know the truth, Y/ln.”

You sit in silence for a few moments. 

“Well,” you finally speak as you get up, returning to the scattered files, “if your theory is correct we have one last chance.”

Choi perks up, a surprised look on his face. He stares at you for a moment, then grins as he processes what you just said. You grin back at him.

“Let’s go catch these sons of bitches.”

— 14 September 1993

Your stakeout plans are back on - this time you’ll be surveilling in the middle of the woods, by the lake, where the third kid had disappeared when camping with friends. Choi wakes you unnecessarily early with rapid knocking on your door. You answer in your pajamas, half asleep still. He invites himself into your room as he brushes past you and slams more files on the table. Turning to you earnestly, he begins to recant the game plan. 

“Choi,” you interrupt, trying to shut him up. He doesn’t hear you. He rambles on - practically bouncing with excitement.

“Choi,” you repeat, this time louder. He stops, his round eyes animated with enthusiasm. 

“Yeah?”

“It’s 6:30 in the morning. We’re staking out the location tonight.”

“And?”

“You could’ve at least let me sleep in til 7.”

“No time to lose!” he says eagerly as he turns back to his work, picking up where he left off. You let him yap for a minute before interrupting him once more.

“Can I at least get some coffee first?” 

You head to the nearby shitty diner together, Choi of course working through breakfast. You can tell through his excited state that he’s on edge. This has to go right - it is, according to him, the best chance he’s ever had. You spend the day going over everything, reviewing every last little detail - cooperating with whatever he needs, whether it be tactical or simply supportive. Before you know it the sun starts to go down, and you’re on your way to the middle of fucking nowhere together, to find some aliens.

Choi parks the car on the rocky path near the shore, killing the engine. It’s quiet out here - peaceful. The lake is bigger than you expected, and surprisingly beautiful as it reflects the painted colors of the sun-setting sky. 

“Romantic, isn’t it?” 

You turn and look at your partner, intending to make some snide remark, but all thoughts in your mind vanish when you see him. The golden tones of the dusk sunrays bring out a beautiful glow in his skin, his brown eyes radiating in the light; you knew he was good-looking, but seeing him this close - he is absolutely stunning.

The logical part of your brain starts setting off alarms - you know you should be feeling uncomfortable in the intimacy of the whole situation (he’s your coworker for gods’ sake!!) but it couldn’t be more opposite. The other part of your brain simply has the urge to lean in and kiss him.

“Mhmm, sure,” you reply, feigning sarcasm, veiling your true feelings.

You chat informally with Choi (“You can call me Seungcheol,” the memory of his words flashes through your mind), conversation flowing naturally as you both talk about whatever comes to mind. You find yourself laughing more often than not, and you find yourself relating to your partner more than you ever anticipated. It’s easy being with him.

Logical brain is absolutely screaming at you right now. There’s no fucking way you can allow yourself to develop feelings for your work partner - you know this. 

I’m allowed to like him as a friend, you say to yourself. You’re gonna be working with him for god knows how long, of course you need to get along. But you’re not convinced.

Conversation wanes into the night as darkness falls over the lake. You feel your eyelids grow heavy. Choi notices.

“You can sleep if you want,” he tells you. “I’ll wake you if anything happens.”

“I’m fine,” you assure him. But it’s quiet, dark - and soon you feel yourself beginning to drift off.

VRRROOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

You jolt awake, instantly blinded by the overpowering light surrounding you. A deafening booming noise permeates the air - you don’t know what it is, but it sounds like the rumbling of a thousand jet engines.

You can’t see shit, but you can tell Choi isn’t in the car. You heave open the passenger door, straining to push it open against the rush of wind engulfing the vehicle. Once your eyes adjust somewhat you find your partner about 15 feet away, camera in hand. You look up, but you can’t make out the massive object hovering over the lake - all you can see is five giant blinding spheres of light in the sky.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?” you scream to your partner - but he doesn’t hear you.

Suddenly, everything stops.

The lights, sound, and wind disappear in an instant. Disoriented in the dark, you stumble over to where Choi was standing, but you realize he’s gone - your eyes adjust and you see him sprinting down the lakeshore. In the distance you see another figure, laying on the ground. Choi approaches the figure, kneeling down next to it. You head toward them, but he turns to you and shouts from afar.

“CALL FOR BACKUP!!”

—

The figure on the beach indeed had been the missing boy. The ambulance rushed him to the hospital - but just as the previous two missing kids, he was okay. The next day you and Choi were able to get in and talk to him briefly before being shooed out by the nurse. It was the same story as the others - he didn’t remember anything, but he was completely unharmed.

Three out of three missing people now returned, safe and alive - your business here is done. You can finally get the fuck out of Iowa.

You’re pretty thrilled about leaving, but Choi is ecstatic. You remind him neither of you actually solved anything, but he doesn’t care. He got his photos of whatever the fuck was above the lake that night - it doesn’t answer all of his questions, but nevertheless he got what he came for.

It’s dark by the time you depart from the hospital, driving back to go pack up your things so you can leave first thing in the morning. 

Choi parks the car, and you walk back to your rooms. As you approach the motel, he suddenly swings his arm out in front of you to stop you - the door to your room is slightly ajar, the lock broken. Choi draws his gun, and you follow suit. Holding up his fingers, he silently counts down from three. He bursts through the door, sweeping the room. You follow, turning on the light to see the entire room has been utterly ransacked - the contents of your suitcase as well as all the files from your briefcase are strewn everywhere. 

Choi pops out of the bathroom. “All clear, but the bathroom window is open - if they were just here, they still might be nearby.” He sprints out of the room, pausing briefly and motioning for you to wait. “You stay here, I’ll sweep the area.” He’s gone in a flash.

You turn around and grimace at the absolute mess left behind by whoever the fuck was here. With a sigh you begin to clean up the mess, starting by gathering all the documents. As you sort through them all to put them back in some sort of order, you note that everything seems to be there. Your personal belongings all seem to be accounted for as well. Whatever they were searching for, they clearly didn’t find it.

Choi reappears in your room, sweating and breathing heavily. He shakes his head in disappointment. “Nobody in sight. Asked the manager if he saw anything suspicious, but he clearly didn’t know shit.”

He removes his suit jacket and throws it on the table before plopping down in the singular chair. He runs his hand through his sweaty hair as he lets out an exasperated sigh. “Anything missing?”

You shake your head. “Not a single thing.”

“Shit,” Choi mumbles under his breath. “They were probably looking for my room.”

You raise your eyebrow at him. “Who-”

He waves his hand at you, interrupting. “Don’t worry about it.”

You are worried about it, but you know he’s not going to elaborate even if pressed. 

“Okay. Well, I want to shower and go to sleep, so kindly get the fuck out.” Your tone isn’t angry, you’re just exhausted. 

Choi gets up, but instead of leaving he deadbolts the door and returns to his seat.

“Absolutely not, what if they come back? I’ll keep watch.”

You give him the most exasperated look. “Are you shitting me? I don’t need you to keep guard, I’ll be fine.”

“I’m not taking that chance,” he insists as he crosses his arms. 

You’re stubborn as hell, but in the short time you’ve known Seungcheol Choi he’s done nothing but give you a run for your money in that department.

You roll your eyes. You’re too tired to argue with him. “Fine, whatever. Just give me some privacy, alright?”

Choi salutes you as he turns his chair around. “Roger that.”

You shower and make your way back to your bed. Choi is still sitting in the chair, facing the locked door, his gun and holster sitting on the table right next to him. 

“Are you going to be able to sleep in that chair?” you ask. “Looks uncomfortable.”

Without turning, he replies. “I won’t be sleeping.”

“Seriously? You don’t need to stay up all night just to-”

“I’m not sleeping, Y/ln, it’s not up for debate.”

You stare at the back of his head. Sighing, you pull the covers up and go to turn off the lamp, but you pause.

“Choi?” you call out in a soft voice.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

He turns his head ever so slightly, looking at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Goodnight, Y/ln.”

With a swift click you pull the chain on the lamp, and the room is flooded in darkness. As your eyes adjust, the moonlight seeps in past the closed blinds, and you can just make out Choi’s shadow as he keeps watch. Protecting you. 

Within seconds, you are fast asleep.

—

You open your eyes, the bright early morning sun rays peeking in through the window. You lay there, contemplating going back to sleep, when you remember the events of last night. You sit up abruptly to see your partner still in the chair, still facing the door, awake.

“Did you really stay up the whole night?” are the first words out of your mouth.

Choi turns around, his eyes tired but still alert. He nods.

“Did you know you snore in your sleep? Very quietly - it’s cute.”

“Oh, shut up” you grumble as you get out of bed.

Choi rises and grabs his jacket before heading toward the door. “Get ready, we have to be at the airport in an hour.” The door shuts behind him before you can respond with something snarky.

As you make your way to the parked car with your suitcase, you see your partner waiting for you - zoned out in the driver’s seat. 

You yank the driver’s side door open, startling him as he nearly jumps out of his seat. 

“Absolutely not,” you tell him sternly. “You didn’t sleep at all last night, I’m driving.”

“I’m fine, Y/n.”

You go to yell at him when you pause, realizing he just called you by your first name for the first time. He must be delirious, you think to yourself. 

“No, you’re not. And I’d like to make it back home in one piece, thank you.”

“Y/n-”

“Seungcheol Choi get your dumb ass out of the fucking car NOW.”

The expression that washes over his face looks like that of a scolded puppy. He clearly wasn’t expecting you to shout at him. 

“Okay, okay! Fine, you win.” He gets out of the car, walking around to the passenger side. As he opens the door he looks at you, trying to conceal the grin spreading across his face, but failing. 

“I like you like this. You should yell at me more often.” 

You stare at him, exhausted. “You’re insane.”

“So I’ve been told,” he says with a wink as he disappears into the car. 

You sigh for what feels like the thousandth time this week. After a few deep breaths, you reluctantly join your partner in the car. 

“And since when do you call me by my first name?” you inquire as you turn the ignition. The car engine comes to life with a rumble. 

Choi looks at you, his eyelids heavy. He gives you a sleepy smile as you back out of the parking space. 

“I told you you can call me Seungcheol,” he reminds you. 

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

He gives no response, but shrugs, leaning back against the headrest and closing his eyes. You stare at him for a brief moment. His black curls lay unruly against his forehead, brushing against his long eyelashes. A faint shadow graces his jawline - the result of not having shaved today. The top few buttons of his shirt remain undone; he didn’t even bother with a tie. Once again, you find yourself stunned by how handsome he is. You push that thought away as your attention returns to operating the vehicle. You shift gears and pull out of the lot. 

“Take a nap, dummy,” you tell him softly. 

—

Not five minutes have passed into your drive before the sound of gentle snoring greets your right ear. You glance over to see Choi positively zonked out in the passenger seat. A grin involuntarily appears on your face - he may be a headstrong pain in the ass, but even the toughest agents eventually fall victim to the cursed necessity of sleep. 

The “highway” out of town toward the airport is nothing more than a vacant country road. You drive for at least fifteen minutes without seeing a single other car. In the absence of Choi yammering on about some off-kilter conspiracy theory, or recounting a tale of a previous case that seems too fantastical to be true, your mind starts to wander. The events of the past week replay in your head. Unlike your partner you don’t quite believe you saw an alien spaceship, but whatever it was certainly is making you question a lot of things.

Your musings are cut short when Choi suddenly jolts awake, nearly making you jump. 

“Jesus, Choi, you scared me.”

He blinks dully a few times, the gears in his head creaking back to life as he tries to reorient himself. After a brief moment of mild panic he regains lucidity, slumping back into his seat with a groan. He yawns as he rubs his eyes. 

“Sorry,” he responds drowsily. 

“Did you know you snore in your sleep? It’s cute,” you jest, repeating his words from earlier back to him. After a moment, he realizes. 

“Fuck off,” he mumbles - but out of the corner of your eye you see him grin. 

You turn the radio on low volume, tuning into the rock station the dial was already set on. A few minutes pass without words, the crooning voice of Mick Jagger supplementing the conversation. Suddenly, Choi perks up, looking in the rear view mirror before turning around to peer out the back window. You glance in the mirror to see a dark car in the distance. 

“Finally, some sign of life,” you remark. “I was beginning to think we’d entered The Twilight Zone or something.”

Choi says nothing, but you notice the concern on his face. I wish he would stop being so paranoid, you think to yourself. He turns back around but keeps his eye on the mirror. Not even a minute later he snaps his head back to look out the rear window again. 

“Shit,” he exclaims, his voice disgruntled. 

You look in the mirror again to see the same car, rapidly approaching as it speeds toward you. Your eyes dart forward again, only to see another dark car up ahead - parked in the middle of the two-lane road, creating a blockade. 

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” he says through gritted teeth. 

“Choi, can you please enlighten me as to what the fuck is going on,” you ask nervously. 

“Fucking SHIT,” he shouts, not elaborating. 

“CHOI.”

“Stop the car,” he gripes, his head in his hands. 

You apply the brakes, as you couldn’t keep going even if you wanted to. The car ahead is blocking the whole road, and the trees on either side are preventing you from being able to swerve around it. 

The car following you parks, also blocking the road behind you. Two men in dark suits emerge from each car and casually surround the rental. One of them, from the car in front, walks over to the passenger side of your rental - he knocks on the glass twice. 

“Get out of the car.”

Choi unbuckles his seatbelt, taking his time, before reaching for the door handle. He pulls the latch and opens the door slowly. 

“Both of you.”

Your partner turns to you. “Do what they say,” he says quietly.

You follow the mystery man’s orders. It’s early, but the sun already stings your skin as you step out of the car.

You look at the men, trying to get some sense as to who they are, but you’ve never seen any of them before - you presume they would have nothing on themselves that would give any sort of identification anyway. The men’s guns remain in their holsters, but their hands rest on the frames. You don’t doubt that they would shoot you in a heartbeat if you made any funny moves.

“Open the trunk,” the same man orders to neither of you in particular. His tone is stern, but not overly aggressive.

You make eye contact with your partner. He gives you a slight nod.

You take the keys from the ignition and walk to the rear, inserting them in the lock and turning the key. The trunk lid gives a loud clunk as it pops open. The man signals to the two men that came up from behind you - they approach the trunk, pushing you out of the way as they open it. Choi’s hands clench into a fist, but he doesn’t move.

The men carelessly rummage through the trunk’s contents until they find what they were apparently looking for: Choi’s camera bag. The man opens it and pulls out the chunky Nikon, removing its film. 

“Hey, be careful with that!” Choi shouts angrily. 

Once the other man finishes fishes out the remaining film canisters from the bag, they put the camera back. They signal to the ringleader - he nods. The other men immediately return to their car.

The man in charge claps his hand onto Choi’s shoulder forcefully. 

“Thank you, Agents Choi and Y/ln - very much for your cooperation,” he says smugly. Choi shoves the man’s hand off his shoulder, teeth clenched. Without another word, the man heads back to his car. 

“You won’t get away with this forever,” Choi shouts after him. 

The man keeps walking. He doesn’t even turn his head as he replies mockingly.

“Keep up the good work, Agent Choi.”

You watch the cocky bastard enter the driver’s seat - both cars immediately take off. It was over as quickly as it had begun. 

You know Choi is infuriated, but more than anything he looks absolutely dejected. He leans onto the car, his head resting on his arm in defeat. 

“Who were those men?” you ask him quietly - but you suspect he doesn’t know either.

He takes a few moments before he lifts his head, resuming his posture. His saddened eyes lock with yours. 

“They’re the sons of bitches who make sure nobody knows the truth. Lying to the public, hiding information even from us - destroying all evidence that UFOs exist.”

He lets out a deep sigh. “I really thought I had it this time. Turns out, I was just really fucking stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” you tell him firmly. Softer, you add, “And I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you about… well, everything I guess.”

He laughs softly. “It’s okay, I don’t blame you. I’m the crazy alien guy in the basement, after all.”

He nudges you with his elbow, his voice friendly. “You know, you’re alright Agent Y/ln.”

You smile. “You’re alright too, Seungcheol.”

His face lights up at the sound of his first name. He smiles back at you warmly.

“Now, let’s actually get the fuck out of Iowa,” he says with vigor.

“That’s the best idea you’ve had all day.”

—

20 September 1993 Washington, D.C.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Have a seat, Agent Y/ln.”

You sit in the sturdy oak chair across from the Assistant Director’s desk. You are, once again, joined by the nameless man - smoking his cigarette silently in the corner of the room.

“I read your report on the Iowa case,” Bergman tells you as he flips through the open file on his desk.

You wait for him to continue.

“It is certainly… of lower quality than your usual work.”

You hide a grimace. “What exactly was the problem with it, sir? I was very thorough.”

He gives you a tired look. “Yes, of course - but the report itself is not what I take issue with. What I take issue with is its contents. I assigned you to the x-files as a voice of reason - to rein in Agent Choi, not perpetuate his outlandish theories.

“With all due respect, sir, I followed standard protocol. My report gives no indication that I agree with Agent Choi’s conviction that what we saw was indeed a UFO, and that the government is responsible for some larger conspiracy - I simply detailed everything that I witnessed in Spirit Lake objectively as I experienced it.”

Bergman sighs before closing the file. “Alright, Agent Y/ln. You do good work. But next time, maybe try to prevent your partner from chasing after little green men.” 

“They’re supposedly gray, actually. According to Agent Choi,” you inform him matter-of-factly. 

Bergman stares at you, incredulous. He opens his mouth to say something, but gives up. He waves you out of his office. 

“Dismissed.”

[to be continued…]

[ryuichirou]

what fandoms were you in long before twisted wonderland? I mean like over 10 years ago.

Anon, thank you for this question because it made us sit down and actually look through the albums of my old art and write a list LOL We thought it’d take like 30 minutes tops + 10 minutes to write all of this down, but it took 2+ hours yikes… So sorry, no other replies today :(

And made us realise just how much we revisit certain fandoms 🤦‍♂️ I guess we’re loyal!

Some of them were just very brief phases when we watched/rewatched something, I drew like 5 sketches for this thing and we moved on after about a week. But it was still prominent enough for us to feel like “Oh right, Ryu was drawing (this) back then”. Damn, 2013-2016 were insane, we were jumping around so much… When did these people have time to watch and draw so much shit??

Since this blog is very old, you can find some of my very old shitty fanart for a lot of those here. In all honesty, I really want to draw fanart on some of the more obscure and old ones again… if you have questions about any of this, feel free to ask!

2007: W.I.T.C.H., Oban Star Racers, Naruto lol my very young years

2008: Petshop of Horrors, Yami no Matsuei, Gravitation

2009: Hetalia, Vocaloid

2010: Vocaloid, Terra e…, Shoujo Kakumei Utena, Hetalia

2011: Terra e, Kaze to Ki no Uta, Sound Horizon, Hetalia, Magi (mostly Judal), Kuroshitsuji (a little bit)

2012: Homestuck, Prince of Tennis, Sengoku Basara, Sound Horizon, DC (Batman + Robin, mostly Tim Drake), Thor, Danny Phantom, Amnesia: The Dark Descent, ATLA, Adventure time, D. Gray-Man

2013: Ed Edd n Eddy, Sound Horizon, Penumbra Overture, Lucius, Thor, Hetalia, Dan Vs, Hannibal, Shingeki no Kyojin, Death Note, Bakuman, Neon Genesis Evangelion, South Park, Durarara, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Litchi Hikari Club, Hellsing Ultimate, Yami no Matsuei, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, Game of Thrones, Hannibal, the Simpsons

2014: Kuroko no Basket, Hadaka Shitsuji, Hoozuki no Reitetsu, Gravitation, Shingeki no Kyojin, Tytania, Panty&Stocking, Soul Eater, Bleach, Kill la Kill, Hellsing Ultimate, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood,  Ace Attorney (trilogy + Apollo Justice), Priapus (by Mentaiko/Itto lol I drew him a lot), Togainu no Chi, Outlast, Daria, Scooby Doo, Haikyuu, DMMD, Katekyō Hitman Reborn, Tokyo Ghoul, Free, Kuroshitsuji, Psycho-Pass, Yowamushi Pedal (HUGE!!!!!), D. Gray-man, One-Punch Man

2015: Metalocalypse, ATLOK, Gravity Falls, Guns n’ Roses (yeah the band), Hannibal, Steven Universe, View Askewniverse, the Addams family, Ace Attorney Dual Destinies, DMMD, Life is Strange, Over the Garden Wall, Rick & Morty, South Park, Miraculous Ladybug, Undertale, Watchmen

2016: Supernatural, Peanuts, Osomatsu-san, Outlast, Until Dawn, BioShock Infinite, Code Geass, LoTR, Game of Thrones, Hetalia, House MD, Zootopia, Shingeki no Kyojin, D. Gray-man, Hellsing Ultimate, LA Noir, Percy Jackson books, South Park

2017: American Horror Story, Danganronpa, Neon Genesis Evangelion, ATLA, Homestuck, Yuri on Ice (super briefly), Outlast 2, D. Gray-man, DMMD, Hetalia, Gravitation, Monster, Dream Daddy, Junji Ito, Boku no Hero Academia, Osomatsu-san, South Park, Hannibal

2018: Voltron, Danganronpa, Devilman (Crybaby and classic), Homestuck, Berserk, Gravitation, Bungo Stray Dogs (briefly), Gintama, Hellsing Ultimate, Hetalia, BTS, Priapus (he came back), LoTR, Togainu no Chi, Sweet Pool, Detroit Become Human

2019: Tanya Grotter books, Hannibal, Homestuck, D.Gray-man, Hunter x Hunter, Danganronpa, Durarara, ACCA: 13-Territory Inspection Dept., Soul Eater, ATLA, Witcher 3, Shingeki no Kyojin

2020: Shingeki no Kyojin, briefly Uncharted 4 and BioShock Infinite

2021: Shingeki no Kyojin, ATLA, Sk8, Jujutsu Kaisen, Squid Game

2022: The Great Ace Attorney, Sadistic Beauty, Hades, Mirai Nikki (suddenly), Akira, Encanto, the Gray House (the House In Which, it’s a book),  Cowboy Beebop, Fight Club, It (2017), Stranger Things, LoTR, Uncharted, Hetalia, Frozen (more like Hans/Anna lol), Kuroshitsuji, Twisted Wonderland

2023-2024: Mostly Twisted Wonderland, but we also posted some Scott Pilgrim stuff at the very beginning of this year.

I guess this is it. Woah…

[moltensmusings]

Going off of memory I do want to talk a bit about what the major part of Ultear's lore for me were. I'm not going to talk about her full involvement in the arcs as a central antagonist/player because I haven't rewatched tenrou recently or anything following it. But I did want to talk about her backstory.

I think Mashima's need for all the characters to be kids at the same time really shows it's most flawed self when we examine Ultear specifically. Now if ultear was at least 10 years older than jellal then sure I could probably buy her being the one to manipulate him as a child. But you're telling me she was the same age as him and just happened to be some kind of master manipulator even though she was kept in a lab and experimented on all her life?

I'm sorry but I really don't for a second believe a little girl with no proper socialization would've been capable of that. And that's without even going into the fact that Jellal's personality switch in the backstory makes no sense unless you believe it was done by some kind of supernatural means. Completely altering a person like that takes time.

I also just don't see why mashima had to add in that she escaped only to come back. Children are prone to believing what adults tell them because with age comes a level of authority. We could've just had her be told the same thing for so long with no proof to counter the claim and it would've been fine.

We go from hand waving away an explanation of "trust me it makes sense" to over compensating in a way that makes the story worse.

Ultimately I think the simplest fix for ultear would be: make her older so that it's been a while since Ur had a kid by the time Gray and Lyon are adopted, make it that Ultear only escapes when she destroys the facility and is found a bit later by Hades who is the first person to show her any kindness or care, and then have her get sent to investigate the tower by Hades when they hear about activity still happening despite it being defunct. From here she can meet Jellal and trick him or manipulate him into believing they're after the same goal.

Now I do feel like I'll have words to say about tenrou Island when we get there and Hades motivations, but for now this is it. My opinions may change but I've been stewing about this for a minute so I wanted to get it out.

[beast-towers]

How Otsana was inspired and created! :D and I just did a doodle of her ;w;

•The Smiler (Alton Towers) A Scientist and Hypnotist for the Ministry/the Sanctuary. A very rare case of a supernatural being joining them.

•Mezmehr (from Darbi) inspiration for his white and gray colors and the spots on him. Especially when he created a bright light to stun his enemies out of the air. (I still recommend y’all reading it.) So I wanted to Otsana to have simple white and gray colors while she holds the Ministry’s yellow colors on her.

•Werewolf (Dogman or Lycan) I thought it would be interesting for her to be a werewolf and for the Ministry to understand that beyond “normal” things, beings like her are real and perhaps… they to can experience JOY.

•Nyra (Legends of the Guardians (Movie version)) for her personality. Appearing “kind” to those who joined, but will be intimidating to those who resist.

•Faputa (Made in Abyss) Her fighting abilities. Otsana will give the person a final chance if they accept the Ministry’s “help”. If not, and if they kept resisting she will terminate them. Also, extra inspiration is for the arms! Otsana’s fluff on her arms while she’s a hybrid.

•Vyrrwolf (Wolves of the Beyond) the ability to do hypnosis under the yellow light they cast from their eyes. Especially the part where their power increases under the full moon. Kinda like how Otsana’s Hypnotic abilities can increase under the Full Moon.

Honorable Mention!

I finally decided what her Voice would sound like! 🌟o🌟

•The Sisters (Kubo and the Two Strings) Rooney Mara. Just how creepily beautiful she played The Sisters so well! I rewatched clips of the movie and I forgot how awesome they are. So! I HC Otsana’s VA claim is Rooney Mara :3

So yeah… That’s Otsana :3

[lilyflxwers]

thank u @aroacee-of-spades ily and i will find a way to make a home in ur ribcage if its the last thing i ever do

favourite colour: green!!!!!!! all greens. and lilac.

last song: disaster by conan gray. it’s a bit of a bop, a good song to drive to, if i may say so myself.

currently reading: abt eight books bc i can’t commit to anything. most noticeably im rereading hunger games rn -> incredible.

currently watching: supernatural for the 780th time. AND the good witch series bc i <3 shit tv shows. i’m also rewatching the hp films

currently craving: a hug. or someone to tell me i’m making the right choices and i don’t suck lol.

tea or coffee: tea if it’s iced, coffee if it’s hot.

np tags: @namelessennes @lemndrps @culdogs @kaaaaaaarf @headinthecloudsgal @bythehearts @whenthesunn @samdaydreams @anouri @psucheworld

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

It's a Supernatural Thing

18+ MINORS DNI

Dean Winchester x Eddie Munson

Every so often when I rewatch Supernatural now, I think about Sam and Dean going to a bar after a hunt.

Dean was checking out a girl with tight jeans and dark curly hair. Everything about her screams metalhead. . .until the girl turned around. Dean spat out his beer. It was a dude. He had a little bit of scruff on his face, his hair slightly graying, and he had the biggest brown eyes that Dean's ever scene. He was a few years older than him, and Dean still thought he was hot, despite the fact that he was a man, which made Dean panic for a moment until the guy got up on stage. He introduced his band, Corroded Coffin, and then himself. . .Eddie Munson. As soon as Eddie played, Dean was captivated. His eyes never left Eddie, following him all the way back to the bar after his epic performance. Sam was, of course, distracted by whatever was on his laptop until Dean stood up suddenly.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Sam asked.

"Doing what I always do in a bar, Sammy," Dean said, nodding in Eddie's direction.

"That's a guy, Dean," Sam said.

"I noticed. . .hot is hot, Sam, and that man is hot," Dean said.

"He's a little bit older," Sam said in amusement.

"Not by much, besides I'm 29, Sam. I've been a consenting adult for a long time. . .I'd definitely let him teach me a thing or two," Dean grinned.

"How do you even know he likes guys?" He asked.

"Until about five minutes ago, I didn't even know that I liked guys," Dean scoffed. "Our entire life is a risk, Sam. Gotta live while you can."

Dean approached Eddie, who was now leaning against the bar. His rear was jutting out, and Dean eyes followed it as it moved slightly. Eddie's legs tapped in time to the music as he chatted up the bartender. Dean's eyes followed as his shirt rose up, revealing a hint of a dragon tattoo on his hip. The rest of it was probably on his thigh. Dean could see the head and the tips of the wings. . .he wanted to see more of it.

"My eyes are up here, man," Eddie's voice called out.

"Hmm?" Dean asked, and then he looked at Eddie's grinning face. "Oh! Yeah, I was admiring. . .your pants!"

"Here, I was hoping you were admiring what's under them," Eddie said, flashing his dimples.

"Oh, I was," Dean said, swallowing as he found his confidence again and leaned against the bar. "I saw the tattoo, and I was wondering how far it went down."

"Oh. Just far enough," Eddie grinned, grabbing Dean's hand before leading it to his hip. "It starts off here, then it goes all the way down here, and then the tail goes off. . .here."

He moved Dean's hand to the middle of his thigh before moving it between his legs, letting his hand rest on his inner thigh. It was where the tail ended.

"Wow. . .can I buy you a drink?" Dean asked.

"It's hard to say no to a pretty guy with his hand between my legs," he said, winking at him.

Dean chuckled and squeezed his thigh before moving it to buy them a couple of beers.

"I'm Dean Winchester," he said, handing him his beer.

"Eddie Munson," he said, his fingers brushing against Dean's as he took the beer.

"I know, I saw you play up there. You were great, and when you played Master of Puppets, I nearly. . ." Dean trailed off.

"Nearly what? Threw yourself at me?" He smirked.

"Yeah. . .you were amazing with that guitar and your hands. . .made me wonder what else you can do with them," Dean said.

Eddie moved closer to him. So close that Dean could feel his breath on his face.

"Oh, so many things," Eddie whispered.

He placed his hand on Dean's chest, caressing him and fingering the button on his flannel. Eddie's fingers found themselves under the flannel, pleased to find that there wasn't another shirt under there.

"Laundry day," Dean said sheepishly.

Eddie smirked as he 'accidentally' pulled the shirt back a little.

"Oh, looks like someone also has a tattoo," Eddie said with a wicked grin and pulled back the flannel. "Oh. . .you tattooed the anti possession symbol onto your chest. . .smart. Why didn't I think of that? I'm still wearing the necklace."

"You. . ." Dean said in shock.

"I was wondering if you were a hunter. . .I'm glad I was right. Yeah, I do know about the things that go bump in the night and then some. . .," Eddie said and unbuttoned his shirt all the way down, revealing his scars. "Lost my nipple to a nasty bat like creature. . .still don't know what the fuck it was."

"Damn," Dean whistled as Eddie let him touch his scars.

Eddie let his shirt hang open as he took a drink of his beer, enjoying the way Dean's fingers trailed over his chest. The bar was too noisy and crowded for anyone to pay attention to what they were doing. Although the bartender was starting to give them looks. Dean's hand hit his belt, and he whistled again.

"You like the handcuffs?" Eddie asked, and Dean nodded. "I bet the belt would look better when you take it off later."

"A little forward there," Dean grinned.

"Aren't you?" Eddie asked in amusement.

"Not being forward enough, right now," Dean said.

He gripped Eddie's hips and pulled him close, crashing their mouths together. Eddie grinned against his lips as he cradled the back of his head as he pressed himself up against the younger man. Yeah, Dean definitely liked this. Just as Dean was about to slip his tongue into the man's mouth, Eddie broke the kiss.

"I have an apartment upstairs," Eddie whispered.

"Convenient," Dean gasped.

"I think we should probably move it upstairs before Steve the bartender sprays us with water," Eddie cackled.

Suddenly, they were stumbling up the stairs, mouths pressed together as they pulled at their clothes. Eddie quickly broke away again to unlock his apartment, and as soon as it was opened, he was pushing Dean up against the nearest wall. Both of them quickly kicked their boots off. Dean pushed his shirt off his shoulders before tugging his own shirt off. Eddie grinned before attaching his lips to Dean's neck, making his way down slowly. . .to his chest. . .licking the man's nipple on the way down. Dean tilted his head back and groaned. Eddie quickly undid his pants and yanked them down with his boxers. Dean was standing naked before him, and he felt very exposed. Eddie looked at him for a moment.

"This is your first time with a man," Eddie realized.

"Yeah," Dean admitted.

"Having a good time so far. . . Well, I guess I don't need to ask. . .you clearly are. Hello, there. . .sweetheart, do you want me to be gentle or rough with you?" Eddie asked.

"Yes." Dean gasped.

"Both it is," Eddie said. "I need a word in case I go too far."

"Puppet."

"Fucking perfect."

Eddie grabbed his chin and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. It was gentle at first, but as Eddie pulled away, he bit his lip. Dean groaned as he broke the kiss. Eddie grabbed his hand and led him towards his bedroom. He pushed him carefully onto the bed before stripping down completely, giving Dean a full view of the dragon tattoo wrapped around his hip and thigh. Eddie climbed on top of him and proceeded to show him a thing or two about being with a guy, riding him much like girls had done in the past. Dean gave into to every feeling, and every sensation, the headboard slamming against the wall as the music blasted from downstairs, Dean's hands gripping Eddie's thighs. Yeah, there was definitely nothing straight about Dean Winchester. Afterward, Eddie collapsed next to him, his sweaty hair surrounding his head like a halo. His skin was shiny as well, and it almost gave him an angelic look. As Dean gazed at him, he never felt more free.

[maybeevilsdays]

Friends

Disclaimer: order is very random not based on closeness @audristarzz

The Hughes Family: met them throught Quinn when we started hanging out as friends. Ellen and Jim accepted me in the family immediately and weren't surprised when we told them Quinn and I got together. Jack and Luke act like older brothers with me

Lily-Rose and Johnny Depp: met them during a red carpet event, spent the night chatting together, me and Lily exchanged phone numbers. The next day she texted me to go to brunch, became closer in a couple of weeks. Johnny is very nice to me and treats me like part of the family

Dove Cameron: We auditioned for the same role once, talked in the waiting room and decided to stay in touch. She used to be my closest friend but after Cameron's death we drifted apart from each other's lives

Dylan O'Brian: met him at the airport, started talking and we hit it off immediately. We are each other's #1 supporters.

"Team Free Will 2.0": I met Jensen Ackles first. It was during a ComiCon in LA, he was with the Supernatural cast, and when I greeted him he recognized me from a video we were tagged on (fans think I could play his daughter in a movie/tv show); Jared said something about my energy on set and how much he is happy to see young actors having fun while working; Misha asked me if I was cosplaying Castiel (which I was) and laughed a little; Alex wasn't very talkative but he said he saw the trailer of one of my projects and he still has to watch it but he is sure I did great

Supernatural Cast: Met a couple of them (Mark Sheppard; Rob Benedict; Jeffrey Dean Morgan; Richard Speight JR; Jim Beaver; Ruth Connell; Felicia Day and Mark Pellegrino) in different moments of my life and they all were very nice and wished me the best in the entertnmeint.

Arata Mackenyu and Kento Yamazaki: worked with them between 2015 and 2018. They are both very nice and sarcastic, what is better is that both of them match my energy very well

OPLA Straw Hats: I met them during a party to watch and celebrate the live action series

Kamiki Ryunosuke: met him during a night out with Arata and Kento while we were at the karaoke. Treated us to chinese food (me, Arata and Kento tried to change his mind but failed)

Kim HyungSeo "BIBI": Met her by accident at a convinient store late at night. She helped me choose what to get because I couldn't make up my mind and had ice cream together. Met her again a couple of days later at a Korean BBQ resturant and kept in touch since

Timotheé Chalamet: Met him before knowing Lily, we weren't the closest buddies but we texted a couple of times a week. Became closer with time, even after he broke up with Lily (the break up was friendly and from both sides) and the one helping me with the Hailee's situation. I friendly call him "rat face" when he annoys me

Matthew Gray Gubler + Criminal Minds' Cast: met them during a ComiCon. I attended the show pannel and before it started bumped into Matthew and asked to take a picture together; as for the rest of the cast it was after the panel was over I waited to be the last one to take a picture with them and for the autographs. Some months later I posted an IG story where I took a picture of the pilot episode saying that I started another rewatch session and some of them liked it and commented. We are mostly "online" friends than irl friends as I like to describe it

Kardashians/Jenners: I am in their cyrcle of friends becuase of Timotheè. Kylie and Kendall are the ones I am closer with becuase of age; Kim, Khloe and Kourtney are like the older sisters I never had and knows everything as soon as it happens (Khloe is the best at giving advices); Kris is very nice with me and proud of my goals

[abstractcowboy]

sorry. you have me confused with the other angel. you know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you.

[bereft-of-frogs]

the friday list ~

this is really covering like a week and a half, because with all the traveling and eclipse adventures, I didn't have much to update last week.

books:

Jawbone - Monica Ojeda: I finally finished this one. I think it went on just a little long for the structure, which was very stream-of-consciousness. There would be like, multiple pages with no paragraph or dialogue breaks. It was interesting, I still liked the vibe, but it ended up being kind of hard to get through.

(in-progress, for book club) This Wretched Valley - Jenny Kiefer: What I like about this book is it's doing a good job showing how annoying both rock climbing people and 'I can't go anywhere without my dog' people are without fully tipping over into completely insufferable. She's walking that line really well. The metaphors are a tiny bit much but I'm enjoying the atmosphere so far. Oh also, I'm struggling a tiny bit with how many dumb decisions they're making. Like, I get that there's something supernatural going on, but outdoor horror stories definitely have a very narrow margin for error between 'understandable mistakes' and 'why the fuck wouldn't you bring a second helmet or rope? why once there's a significant injury does it never occur to you to send one person hiking out to get help? WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY PAPER MAPS OR A COMPASS???????' Oh, wah, the GPS is broken, WHY ARE YOU RELYING SOLELY ON GPS IN THE FIRST PLACE? (ok sort of unfair because there's some spooky shit going on so even if they did everything right they wouldn't escape BUT that's even less of an excuse to have them make a bunch of dumb mistakes. Like isn't it MORE horrifying if you do everything right and still can't get out? Idk I just like competent characters and I wish more outdoor horror did the 'super competent characters make understandable mistakes or are caught by forces outside of their control' and less just went for the imo lazy 'idiots bumbling into doom'.)

(in-progress, phone book) Into the Dark - Claudia Gray: I had some bad scrolling moments there for a couple days, but I'm rededicated to not scrolling, catching up on the High Republic series instead. I'm a little over halfway, I forgot this book does one thing I find a little irksome, but it's a can of worms I don't want to open, iykyk kind of deal. Still love Reath though.

(in-progress) The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien: I don't often reread The Hobbit, but once I finished LOTR I thought I'd pick it up. It's always funny to me when Tolkien like, slips into a lore dump in the middle of his children's adventure novel. Like we'll be bopping around and suddenly he'll be like 'and in the days of the kings of old, when the Valar....' and there's just a paragraph with all the cadences of The Silmarillion before he kind of snaps back and remembers what they're doing and it's back to being a romp.

tv:

Severance (AppleTV): Oh my GOD. WHAT. This was so disturbing and so funny and I basically had a 45 minute heart attack during that finale. I can't wait for season 2, that was INSANE. I think my only critique is that I wish some of the twists had been signaled a bit earlier. I think I might rewatch to see if I pick up on any foreshadowing but I really didn't seen the twist about Mark's wife coming at all, like it wasn't even on my radar as a direction they could take. It felt like it was signaled then revealed seemingly within the same episode, and I thought maybe there could have been more hints earlier on. Though I think some worked to come out of nowhere, like who Helly really is.

Anthracite (Netflix): Short little 6 episode cult mystery on Netflix. It's kind of a frenetic pace which I think is partially purposeful style, and partially because they only have 6 episodes. I think I'd like to see the 10 episode version of this show, where they have a little more time to build the characters.

movies:

Train to Busan (2016): I had never actually seen this. It was a truly excellent zombie film. I cried.

Jigoku (1960): I'm back to trying to work through the Letterboxd Top 250 horror list, AND try to watch all the ones on Criterion so I can drop that subscription. Bit of a slow build, but the hell scenes were cool.

Zone of Interest (2023): Do I regret not seeing this in theaters? I don't know. I didn't because it didn't seem like I needed the big screen, but the more I heard about the sound design and now that I've seen it, yeah, I think it deserved the big speaker system and not my TV's kind of tinny speakers. The sound design was for sure the real star. Extremely disturbing and effective. Maybe it would have been TOO much seeing it in theaters.

Speak No Evil (2022): I get what they were trying to do but you can refer to my liveblog to see why it didn't quite work for me.

Monkey Man (2024): Omg I almost forgot to put this one? This was such a good action movie, Dev Patel is fantastic and the soundtrack is 10/10. I really enjoyed it, if you haven't seen it yet you 100% should.

video game update: got through Ilum in my perpetual Fallen Order playthrough. Which means: purple lightsaber time :)

craft update: I have reached the underarm join on my vest! Which is exciting because I'm so close to not needing to purl anymore but I did not think through a significant tool issue so before I actually join it up I have to either 1) find another #7 circular needle among my supplies, 2) buy another one, 3) possibly just buy another set of interchangeable needle tips? We'll see if I can JUST get the needle tips and it's not too expensive.

to do:

I have to do an errand I don't want to on my lunch hour. Boo. It involves paperwork and the DMV. I know it will probably not take as long as I'm imagining but. I don't wanna. I'm watching a video of a youtuber I like also deal with car registration as inspiration. Argh. Let this saga be over, before I can't deal with it anymore and drive my stupid car into the sea (I shouldn't joke about that someone actually did that like 6 months ago).

post office to hopefully finally finish the above saga

clean apartment

finish out the first week of my new running routine with about 2 miles tonight and then around 3ish tomorrow

writing goals: I think I figured out my block on chapter 7, so my goal for the next week is to finish a really rough draft of chapter 8, then retreat back to finishing up chapter 7 and then continuing on with the more polished version of chapter 8. I moved some things around. I don't think I have to kill a darling (a paragraph I really like). I think I found a place for it that doesn't completely break the characterization and logic, like the version I started with.

figure out knitting needle issue and/or finish detangling yarn so I can make progress on other project

I might go to home depot because I have a dresser I'd like to repaint, I've had the swatches picked out for a full year now, I just have to actually get the paint and sandpaper and such.

despair: oh my god my activity page is ruined. that post about fanon has over 10k notes. I'm gradually losing faith in the reading comprehension of this site (gradually?). pray that things lessen up a bit this week LOL But also #grateful no one has called me a bitch yet, small wins, I've just learned a lot about random discourse in other fandoms, no one's actually tried to start discourse with me yet

[zuzajs14]

Thanks for tagging me @birdstiel 💕

I guess we are doing it. Let's expose ourselves.

8 series to get to know me:

- Supernatural - obviously. my current hyperfixation as you can all tell. I am rather obsessive consumer of media but there are not that many shows close to my heart. and while I despise it deeply (I am a writer and bad storytelling kills me), I am also unable to not love it. this show had many great ideas and even bigger potential, many amazing characters who's story I woul love to explore. the unused or misused or badly used possibilities... damn it.

- Once Upon a Time - listen, i know it's low budget with shitty special effects (the poorly done fire every fucking time). but this is my comfort show. the idea is great, there are a lot of strong women (and one pirate who I am madly in love with). it's not very bright but I never needed it to be. it's just... fairytales, you know. comfort. and my beloved trait of gray morality - evil is made, not born ect, ect

- Doctor Who - this shit saved me. i am not sci fi person much (with exceptions, sure). but this silly man(I use it as a gender neutral term, like - damn, man) in a box, that fights the good fight... a pacifist that killed whole races (the bad ones, sure, but you know). and this otherworldly creature just struggles with so many emotions and is damned to feel forever lonely while having so many people live them... It's AAAAA. sure there are bad episodes. but who cares. i love it

- Our flag means death - you may not now this about me (but everyone in rl DOES as it's my personality) but I love pirates. like a lot. so obviously I care the silly gay pirates show. and I generally like Taika's projects. it's just adorable. makes me feel warm and fuzzy. and has a bit of angst. niceeee

- What we do in the shadows - again, silly and gay. i like gay media, what a suprise. and I love dumb characters. and they are all sooooo fucking stupid. love it. and ya know, vampires ( i have pirates and vampires, I need silly gay cowboys next)

- Game of Thrones - I am still so fucking mad. but I am also a sucker for dark fantasy. the costumes, the drama, the freaking politics and magic. also Jaime and Brienne. this dynamic is all to me. i've read the books to. and it's good storytelling. but unfinished... so sure the show fucked it up. tragic, really (still not emotionally ready to rewatch it dhdjdjd)

- Good Omens - Neil Gaiman is my favourite author. Really. Terry Pratchett is high on that list too. and as Neil supervised this adaptation... and it has David Tennant and Michael Sheen... couldn't go wrong. and is just hilarious and tender and full of love (and biblical motives which is something I value a lot - Gabriel shouting he's buying pornography lives rent free in my head)

- Broadchurch - you can't tell by this list but I like criminal shows too! (I was thinking os putting Sherlock on the list cause I care it a lot too and bonded with my mum over it buuuuut... somehow Broadchurch won, being fresher in my memory) again it has David Tennant, who's work I enjoy a great deal. and it's really good story that kept me on my toes. first season is my favourite

Huh. It was hard choosing only 8. Special mentions go to Sherlock, The Terror and One Piece (pirates!)

Okay, I will shut up now. This is way too long anyhow

No pressure tags (I still hate tagging people, I don't want to annoy anyone but I am curious about yours!)

@naughtystiel @fluffsnake @valeron99 @archervale @werepires (still intimated by you but if you want 👉👈)

And anyone who wants to! You can tag me and I will defo read it! I would gladly see all of my mutuals do it, but as I haven't talked to most of you, I am still shy about bothering you...

[stahlop]

I posted 205 times in 2022

22 posts created (11%)

183 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cssns

@stahlop

@kmomof4

@spartanguard

@pirateherokillian

I tagged 37 of my posts in 2022

#once upon a time - 9 posts

#cssns 2022 - 7 posts

#once upon a time rewatch - 6 posts

#once upon a time review - 5 posts

#captain swan supernatural summer - 5 posts

#captain swan - 4 posts

#csss22 - 4 posts

#wip game - 4 posts

#killian jones - 3 posts

#mariakov81 - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 67 characters

#and then were stabbed with a sword by said savior to save the world

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

CSSNS Artist Spotlight

I am highlighting @mariakov81. She wasn’t even my artist but she made me the artwork below for my CSSNS 20 fic Making a Memory. This was a birthday gift she made for me before I’d even posted the piece, but Masha had been hearing me talk about it for over a year by that point.

I don’t know if she’ll be able to art for us this year, as she’s been displaced by the war in the Ukraine, but she’s too talented not to shine a spotlight on.

22 notes - Posted March 23, 2022

#4

What are you doing New Year’s Eve?

Hey all! I had hoped to get this done for New Years, but that didn't quite happen. Only 10 days late. Not too bad. The muse would not stop talking while I was writing this, so you get this 10,000 word one-shot. This is a fake dating fic, but with a twist. I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks to @profdanglaisstuff and @thisonesatellite for being my awesome betas!

Summary:

“You were thinking I could pretend to be your new boyfriend?” He looks a bit incredulous that she’s asking him this. Crap! Did she read this whole situation wrong? They’re always flirting in the hall and at the mailbox, usually when she’s just gotten home from her job. Maybe he’s just the type that flirts with everyone and he really isn’t interested in her. She’s usually really good at reading people.

“Yes?” It comes out like a squeak. She feels like an idiot. Emma Swan, who can take down a man in six-inch heels and a mini-dress as one of Boston’s top bail bonds people, is making a complete fool of herself.

Rated: T

Read it on Ao3

Emma looks at the slightly damp invitation in her hand before knocking hesitantly on her neighbor’s door. Of all the insane plans she’s had, this one certainly takes the cake. And now she’s getting her neighbor involved. Though he flirts with her constantly, so she’s pretty sure he’s interested in her and her whole scheme won’t be completely out of left field. And now she’s feeling like an idiot just standing out here. Maybe her knock was too hesitant. 

She’s about to leave and just forgo this whole thing when he opens his door.

“Hey!” he says, with a grin on his face. Emma notices his dark hair is wet and dripping down the hair on his chest. A towel rests low on his waist and Emma notices a happy trail that starts right below his belly button. Shit! She must have caught him right out of the shower.

“Um, hey!” she says back. That was so lame. Emma tries to regain her composure and get back on track with her plan. “I can come back later if you’d like.” 

He looks her up and down and Emma is glad she wore a deep v-neck top tonight. “Not a problem. Come on in, take a seat.” He gestures to his black leather couch. “Just let me put some clothes on.” Her neighbor disappears into a room directly across from the front door. Emma makes herself at home on the couch and looks around. It’s pretty neat, with a coat and shoe rack combo right next to the door. A coffee table is placed right in front of the couch with some mail on it. Some men’s magazines and a TV Guide, Emma notices. There are few pictures around, mainly of him with friends. None with girls. So her instinct that he was single was right. It’s definitely got that bachelor pad feel to it. 

“Sorry about that.” He says as he comes back in from his room. He’s changed into a pair of loose fitting jeans, a gray henley (that unfortunately covers up his chest hair), and an unzipped brown hoodie. He rubs the back of his head with a towel and Emma can’t help smiling at how hot he looks doing it. “What can I do you for?” he asks, sitting close to her. A wave of butterflies goes through her stomach because there’s a whole other side of the couch he could have sat on, and instead, he’s decided to be close to her.

“Um, okay, this is going to sound insane, but….” she trails off and just hands him the invitation. He takes it from her and reads it out loud.

“Storybrooke Annual New Year’s Eve Ball,” he announces. “You want me to go to a ball with you?” He looks confused at the invitation.

“So, my parents –who I love and are the best people– try to set me up every year at this thing. And it’s something that I have to go to. I always go back to my hometown in Maine for it. And I’m sick of the set ups, so I kinda told them I’d started seeing someone….” At this her neighbor gives her a quizzical look, like he doesn’t quite understand what she’s telling him. “Um, I was kind of hoping that I could get away with saying it was a new relationship and he wasn’t ready to meet the parents yet, but they insisted.” She’s started fidgeting with her hair now, the blonde strands that never stay in her ponytail no matter how tightly she pulls it back. “So, I was thinking…”

“You were thinking I could pretend to be your new boyfriend?” He looks a bit incredulous that she’s asking him this. Crap! Did she read this whole situation wrong? They’re always flirting in the hall and at the mailbox, usually when she’s just gotten home from her job. Maybe he’s just the type that flirts with everyone and he really isn’t interested in her. She’s usually really good at reading people.

“Yes?” It comes out like a squeak. She feels like an idiot. Emma Swan, who can take down a man in six-inch heels and a mini-dress as one of Boston’s top bail bonds people, is making a complete fool of herself.

“Sure, Ems,” he smiles. “I’d love to come home with you and pretend to be your fake boyfriend.” Emma lets go of the breath she didn’t even realize she was holding.

“Thanks, Neal.” A smile forms on her lips. “Let’s go over the details.”

—----

“Emma! Honey, Emma’s home!” Emma’s mother has been out on the front porch of the old farmhouse waiting for them. It’s currently snowing and her mother is waiting on the front porch.

“Mom! It’s freezing outside,” she huffs. Droplets of her breath hanging in the air as if to prove her point. She was already irritated. Neal had insisted on driving his Jeep instead of her precious, yellow Bug. Sure her Bug was older and had the unfortunate capacity for breaking down on a regular basis. She doesn’t really drive it much in Boston but she’s had the car since high school, rebuilt it with her father, and even though she’s now 24, she doesn’t want to get rid of it. Neal’s Jeep happened to be the kind with the canvas roof and plastic windows, so it was just the frame in the summertime. And it didn’t keep the cold out at all. At least her Bug has working heat (most of the time). So, to see her mother sitting outside in the cold when she could be inside the warm house makes Emma even more upset.

Her mother gives a little laugh and throws her hands out at her. “I have two heaters out here. I’m fine,” she says, adjusting the scarf around her neck as she leaves the apparently warm porch to greet her. She embraces Emma in a warm hug. Emma can feel the heat on her clothes from the porch heaters.

“And you must be Neal!” she says, going in to give him a hug as well. She looks about ready to burst, her face stretched into the biggest smile Emma has ever seen in her life. But Neal sticks out his left hand instead (he’s left-handed, but it still seems to be a quirk he has as Emma has never seen another left-handed person shake that way). Her mother’s face falters and her body stops as if she’s slammed into an invisible wall, but she recovers quickly and puts her hand in Neal’s for a shake. “Mary Margaret Nolan,” she says, introducing herself..

“Neal Cassidy,” he responds with a small smile. Certainly not as wide as smiles she’s seen him give her when she’s wearing her honey trap outfits.

“Well, grab your stuff and come inside.” Mary Margaret gestures for them to follow her. The snow falls into her brunette pixie cut, still without any hint of gray. “Your father is out doing the evening chores and should be back in soon.” Emma nods and grabs her purse from the car before moving the seat to grab her luggage in the back.

“Hey, babe,” Neal says loudly, giving her an exaggerated wink, “I gotta take a piss. Can you grab my things for me?” Emma is about to suggest he just grab his stuff after he’s done, but instead he just yells “Thanks!” and crunches up the walk to the farmhouse. 

He must have really had to go, Emma thinks as she takes a look in the back of the Jeep to see at least four pieces of luggage, not including her two, sitting there.

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24 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

#3

A Chance to Fly Ch.2

Second chapter of my CSSNS fic is here!

I want to thank all the ladies in the @cssns Discord (since I was too excited to post the first chapter and forgot), for helping me with the descriptions of the dragon and helping me come up with the title.

Thank you @spartanguard for being my beta and for the banner.

Chapter 1

Read it on Ao3

Rated T

Considering she was the princess of Misthaven, Emma had actually not seen much of the land her mother ruled over. She had assumed that because her mother often talked about marrying her off, that it was that she didn’t want her to become attached since she would go live with her husband in his kingdom. But flying above it now, she could see just how much she had missed out on. She knew her kingdom was on the water, but she’d never seen the vastness of the sea, her room being on the land side of the castle. It extended so far, Emma wondered if there was an end. The village that she’d snuck out to just that morning seemed so tiny from up in the air. And she could see more tiny villages spread out below her. She hadn’t even known those existed until this very moment. She could also see how in need of repairs the towns further from the castle were. Emma knew the wealthiest citizens, the ones who donated to the queen’s causes and helped keep their army up and running lived in the town. The ‘War Council’, as her mother called them, even though they’d never been at war in Emma’s lifetime, were her most trusted advisors. They all had grand houses near the palace, although Emma had only seen them from the carriage on trips into town. She’d never met any of them either. If it weren’t for the times when she was younger that her mother had brought her to that exact field that she’d just left, Emma would have thought her mother did not want her known at all.

“Quite a view,” she heard Captain Nemo say from behind her. She had almost forgotten he was there. While she was clinging for dear life around the base of the dragon’s neck where the spines stopped, her companion sat behind her as if this was a normal means of transportation for him. Emma realized it probably was.

“It’s a bit…disorienting,” she said, still gripping tightly. The scales did not feel hard or scaly like she had expected them to. Instead, they felt as soft as the leather satchels her mother favored. She wondered how that protected him, being soft instead of hard.

“I’m sure you’ve never seen your whole kingdom before.” There was a hint of accusation in his words, not toward her though.

“Not from this angle,” she replied, trying to be as diplomatic about it as possible. Emma knew there were those that did not agree with her mother’s politics, and it seemed that Captain Nemo may be one of them. The answer seemed to satisfy the captain.

The force of the wind and the beating of the dragon’s wings were whipping Emma’s hair all around her. Even if it had been in a simple twist, it would have been better than the knots she was going to have once they landed. She hoped Captain Nemo wasn’t having to fight it too much. As if he were reading her mind, he asked, “Would you like me to tie your hair back for you, princess?” 

“That would be lovely.” He plucked a red ribbon from his coat pocket (Emma would have to find out later why he had a random ribbon on him), and began to gently braid her hair. It was an odd sensation, having her hair braided while flying on the back of a grand dragon. It also made her wonder how a man such as he came to know how to braid a woman’s hair.

“I have a daughter,” he said, once again making Emma wonder if he had some mind reading talent. “Or rather, I adopted her when her kingdom was lost to the Ogres. I’m somewhat known for taking in lost children.” It was obvious from the tone he used that he considered Emma one of those ‘lost’ children. But Emma would not play the game he was trying to play with her.

“That sounds wonderful, Captain Nemo. I hope to be introduced to them some day.” If she was anywhere but riding a dragon, she would have given him her patented royal smile, but since she couldn’t exactly turn around to face him, she hoped that she sounded sincere.

“Well,” he began, “you’ve technically already met one.” She felt him pat the dragon near her leg. “I raised Hook here since he was a babe. Poor thing was abandoned when I found him.” Emma felt a pang of sadness overcome her. She didn’t know anything about dragons, had no idea how they were raised or how they bonded with their parents, but the idea of being abandoned tugged at her heartstrings.

“We’re almost there,” Captain Nemo announced. Emma looked down to see a large forest spread out beneath her. 

“Where are we?” she asked. She’d never been so far from the castle.

“Sherwood Forest, near Nottingham,” he replied as if it were common knowledge. Emma wasn’t sure if her mother’s reach went this far. She wasn’t sure what her mother would do now that she’d been taken. She wasn’t even sure where or why she was being taken here. Did the dragon live in the forest? She thought they preferred caves. 

A small clearing became visible and she felt them starting to descend down towards it. Emma braced herself for a hard landing. She was pleasantly surprised when he landed gently, almost like landing on a cloud. Captain Nemo didn’t seem to agree.

“I swear, his landings get worse and worse,” he grumbled, holding his lower back as he slid down Hook’s leg and down onto the ground. Captain Nemo grabbed Emma’s hand and helped down the same way. That was not as easy as the captain had made it seem. The bottom of her dress caught on the dragon’s dew claw and a nasty tear appeared right above the hem. Captain Nemo had the gumption to at least look slightly embarrassed about that.

“Don’t worry. A dress is not the proper attire for dragon riding. We’ll get you fixed up with the proper clothing soon enough.” Emma couldn’t figure out how that was going to happen, what with them being in the middle of a forest. It wasn’t like a seamstress was just going to pop around from a tree.

But a young woman did.

“Papa!” The young girl shouted, running into Captain Nemo’s arms. She was a pretty, young brunette, not much older than Emma was. She wore a plain, simple blue frock with white stockings and black slippers. It did not seem like the attire of someone who would be hanging around the forest.

“Belle! Oh, my sweet girl!” Captain Nemo kissed the girl, Belle, on the forehead and enveloped her into a hug. Emma stood awkwardly next to Hook, who also seemed to shift uncomfortably (could dragons be uncomfortable?). Instinct had Emma stroking Hook’s wing and his whole body seemed to relax at her touch. She knew dragon riders had a special bond to their dragon, but being able to relax him seemed on a whole other level.

“Emma!” Captain Nemo said, pulling away from the young girl. “Meet my daughter, Belle, the one I was telling you about!” he said brightly. Emma could see the love and affection radiating between the two. It was something she had never seen from her mother in all her eighteen years. She put on a smile that she knew didn’t reach her eyes to say hello.

“It’s nice to meet you, Belle,” Emma said, giving a small bow forward. Belle curtsied in return. 

“Belle, this is Emma, Hook’s dragon rider,” Captain Nemo said, completing the introductions. Belle looked slightly startled at her father’s announcement, but recovered herself to give a smile back. Emma wondered why she seemed startled. Hadn’t Captain Nemo and Hook been searching for a dragon rider? A movement from the trees knocked Emma from her musings. She was surprised to see more people emerging from the same direction that Belle had come from heading into the clearing. Emma backed up into Hook. She may have just met the dragon, but she felt safe with him. 

“Nemo!” A scruffy looking man with graying blonde hair, a quiver full of arrows on his back, and a bow in his hand, called out towards them. “Who is this you have brought back with you?” Emma noted that he had an accent similar to the man she had met earlier that morning. Had it really only been that morning she had snuck out to try a caramel apple, hoping for just a little excitement in her life, and now she had literally ridden a dragon farther than she’d ever been in her whole existence? 

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27 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

#2

A Chance to Fly

Thank you to the @cssns for once again making this wonderful event. This fic was supposed to be a one shot, but it kind of decided it wanted to be a multi chapter instead. I have not finished it, so there is no kind of schedule. But I am currently working on chapter 2, so I will get it finished as soon as possible. I know exactly what is happening and where it is heading.

Thank you @spartanguard​ for the wonderful artwork and also for being my beta!

Read it on Ao3

Rated: T

The day had not happened how Emma had envisioned it would when she woke up that morning.

It had started out nice—the sun streaming through her windows, waking her up as usual. It was the first day of the week, so her mother was already out attending the gardens, something that would take her away from being inside all day. Which was perfect for what Emma had planned.

She silently crept out of her bed and changed into a plain, light blue, linen gown, something she knew wouldn’t look out of place where she was headed. She pulled her long blonde hair out of her face and into a bun, tying it as tightly as she could with a matching blue ribbon. She pulled up her stockings and put on the slippers she normally wore when helping her mother with the gardens. Normally, her mother would insist on the servants helping her with a tiny bit of makeup; instead, she pulled out a simple brown cloak that would cover her face and hair and put it on.

Emma went to her hope chest that resided at the foot of her bed. She didn’t know where it came from, but it was exquisitely made. Her name was carved into it and it was surrounded by swans and dragons. It was obvious someone had put a lot of time and effort into making it for her. When she asked her mother, she said it had been a gift when she was born 18 years ago, but couldn’t tell her from whom. Emma knew she was lying. She could tell when people were lying. Her mother lied about many things; Emma could just never figure out why.

Inside the hope chest, she moved blankets and heavy traveling cloaks aside until her hand reached the pouch she had hidden at the bottom. A small, velvet satchel of coins that she had stolen from her mother earlier in the week. She put the coin purse in her skirt pocket, then walked toward the enormous fireplace that filled her room. Spring had settled early and it was too nice for a fire right now, but Emma wasn’t going to make a fire. She moved the grate out of the way and pulled up the false bottom, revealing a small ladder. She was glad her servants had never looked too closely when they’d lit the fires for her; this was definitely a secret she didn’t want her mother to know about. 

Emma climbed down the ladder and took the secret passageway that led out of her home. She’d often wondered why this passageway existed. Did a past ancestor have a secret lover that they went to visit or bring into their room? Maybe it was just a servant’s entrance, but that didn’t explain why it went into her bedroom. Most likely the mystery would never be answered. Emma used it to go into the village undetected on days when she wanted to be anywhere but home. Days like today, when the market was happening.

Emma crept through the crowded market in the center of town, trying not to be seen. Her cloak hid her face just enough to give her some semblance of anonymity, but it would not do for her to be caught. Her mother would punish her if she knew she were out. Not that many people would recognize her by her face; her blonde hair, on the other hand…

The outdoor market was known throughout the Enchanted Forest. Royalty and peasants came far and wide to buy the wares, spices, and food only found here. It was practically a maze for someone who’d never been there before. Emma imagined it was much like the bazaar’s she’d been taught about in Agrabah. She pulled the cloak further down over her face and made sure her hair was still held back as she approached the merchant selling caramel apples. She knew it was an indulgence, something she really shouldn’t spend the tiny bit of coins she’d stolen, but she’d seen them when they had ridden through the market last week, and it was all she’d thought about since.

Her mouth practically watered as she handed over the coins for the sweet treat. While the cook made many types of apple dishes, caramel apples were fairly new to the market, and Emma couldn’t wait to bite into the one that was on the stick she now held in her hand.

She turned from the merchant, ready to take a bite before finding the shade of a tree to eat under when she ran smack into something solid. 

Nope, not something. 

Someone.

Emma looked into the bluest eyes she had ever seen; like the sun glinting off a sapphire. The man attached to the luminescent blue eyes looked at her like he’d like seen a ghost. His eyes widened and he shook his head as if to clear his vision. Emma wondered what staring into those eyes all the time would feel like. The rest of him wasn’t bad either. The bottom half of his face was covered by a scruffy beard, dark like his hair with flecks of ginger in it. She could barely make out pointy-tipped ears under his hair. And speaking of hair, his tunic was unbuttoned more than what was considered proper, topped with a gorgeous red waistcoat with black embroidery on it. And that’s when Emma realized the caramel apple she’d been coveting for the last week was nestled into the tuft of chest hair peeking out from the undone buttons.

“No!” she cried, tears pricking her eyes as she realized her caramel apple was no longer edible. All the planning and plotting to get the delectable treat was completely ruined. The stranger’s facial expression turned to one of surprise at her reaction, then gazed down to where she was looking to see the apple now stuck in his chest hair. His face then turned to one of disdain.

“Well that will be a bitch to get out,” he surmised. Emma noticed an accent that wasn’t usually from this part of the Enchanted Forest and absentmindedly wondered where he was from, before focusing on the apple again. The stranger gave Emma a slight smirk before grabbing the apple with a handkerchief he grabbed from an unseen trouser pocket (tight leather trousers she noticed), and unceremoniously pulled the apple from his chest, taking several hairs with it.

“Fu…ow!” Emma almost laughed at him changing his mind about cursing mid-exclamation due to him not wanting to upset her delicate sensibilities. She’d been told on many occasions (usually by her mother) that she had a mouth worthy of any sailor (not in public, mind you, as that would not be appropriate for someone of her station).

Emma smiled at the handsome stranger, almost giggled even, that was until he plopped the now inedible caramel apple into her gloved hands. 

“Well, I can’t eat it now,” she pouted as she placed the sticky and (now) hairy apple on the back of a waste cart. She sighed; the whole day was a wash. She might as well head back before her mother discovered she was gone.

“You ran into me, love,” he said to her with a smirk and a bad attempt at a wink. The mouth which had seemed so soft and kissable looking just moments before now repulsed her with his attitude.

“Not your love,” Emma said matter-of-factly. She positioned her hood lower over her eyes so she didn’t have to see his (not) perfect face anymore. “And I didn’t see you there. You just snuck up behind me,” she insisted. 

“One would think an apology was in order,” he said drolly.

“Yes, an apology would be nice,” Emma retorted. The stranger lifted one eyebrow up (which Emma did not find sexy at all, no siree, annoying is what she found it) and huffed.

“So we’re just two ships passing very closely?” he asked with a low tone to his voice, his face suddenly very close to hers. Emma was glad her cloak covered her entire body or he may have noticed the goosebumps that formed when he’d spoken.

“Not even in the same body of water.” The nerve of him! Trying to flirt with her after he’d ruined her morning. She stomped off angrily toward home as the stranger yelled something about finding her again. Not in a million years! Her whole day had been turned upside down and it wasn’t even lunch time yet.

She snuck back in through the secret passage, a sigh of relief leaving her when no one was waiting for her in her room. If her mother had had an inkling she’d left, there would definitely be someone here for her. It was still early enough that Emma had time to change before her mother expected for lunch. She removed her linen dress and cloak and shoved them into the bottom of her hope chest. She rang the bell for one of her servants to come help her change into what her mother would consider ‘proper’ attire.

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44 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Why Neal Cassidy is a bad person

My dissertation on the horrible person Neal Cassidy is and why he was never meant to be a romantic interest for Emma Swan.

There was a recent TV Line list that talked about Love Triangles that didn’t really work. The Neal/Emma/Hook triangle was one of those on that list. It was obvious from the short blurb that was written that the writer was a Neal fan. I’ve also heard and seen SwanFire (Emma and Neal shippers) fans plead passionately about how they were meant to be, and honestly, I’ve always scratched my head about this, because I’ve always seen Neal as a horrible person. Even before it was obvious to me that they were going the Captain Swan (Hook and Emma) route, I’ve never understood how anyone could be on Team Neal. So I’ve decided to look at it logically. 

Look, I understand that Neal is the father of Henry, Emma’s son. I understand that a lot of people feel they should be together because then they would be a family. But just because you have a child with someone does not mean that person is the one for you. So let’s look at the facts surrounding Henry’s birth. Henry was 10 when he found Emma on her 28th birthday, which means she was 17 when she had him (despite Emma saying she was 18 in The Price of Gold). She went to juvie, not jail, which we know from Desperate Souls, because she tells Regina that the records needed for the article printed about her in the paper about having Henry in jail were obtained illegally, because her records were sealed, something that could only happen if she were underage. We know that Emma ran away from Ingrid’s foster home at 16 and made her way to Portland where she stole the bug with Neal inside. At this point, Emma is either still 16 or just about to turn 17, depending on how long it took her to get to Oregon from Minnesota. Either way, she is still underage, and Neal, if we want to go off the age he is now since leaving Neverland, is around 22-23 (his wanted poster in Tallahassee has his birthday as 3/23/77), which is still skeezy in my book. I’m not even going to get into his years in Neverland, because he was the same age for that whole time. Now, Henry’s birthday is 8/15. Regina put this in as a code in the hospital in A Tale of Two Sisters, and in The Dark Swan Henry tells Killian that Regina uses his birthday for all her codes. Whether the writers intended this to be true when they used the code originally I have no idea, but this has been what most of the fandom considers Henry’s birthday. With that date in mind, Emma would have conceived Henry in November of 2000. Since we know Emma’s birthday is October 22nd or 23rd, that means she was only a few weeks past her birthday in conceiving Henry. Barely past the age of 16. In Oregon, the age of consent is (and was in 2000) 18, so Neal was breaking the law by having sex with Emma regardless of her consent.

Moving on to what I consider the biggest reason that Emma could never love Neal (again), is HE FUCKING PINNED HIS CRIME ON HER AND LET HER GO TO JAIL!!!!! I cannot express enough how if Neal truly loved Emma he would have figured out some other way to let her go to get to her destiny once August informed him of who Emma was. He simply could have left. He could have broken up with her. He could have faked his own death. But setting her up to go to prison? That’s just cold-blooded. That’s not something you do to someone you love. And for what? Because he was afraid that Emma would eventually lead him to his father? It’s real simple, Neal, once the curse is broken, you just don’t go to Storybrooke. Simple as that. Or you man up and confront your father. Either way, you don’t set up the girl you purport to love at the risk of seeing your father again! And then, when the curse does break and August sends him a pigeon letting him know, Neal still doesn’t do anything about going to find Emma. This just shows that he didn’t care for her at all. I don’t care how scared of your father you are; if you claim to love someone the way Neal claims to love Emma, you go after them.

Which leads me to the episode Manhattan, in which Neal and Emma reunite and Neal is a complete asshole to Emma. He treats her like she’s still 16, which is just gross. He acts like he knows better than her and tries to convince her he did everything for her own good, while also telling her if he’d known she was from the Enchanted Forest, he never would have gone near her. Then, when he finds out about Henry, he acts as though Emma purposefully kept this from him. She didn’t find out until after he sent her to jail. Get off your moral high horse, Neal. Emma doesn’t owe you a fucking thing. Not to mention that Emma went looking for him after she got out of jail (Regina told us she spent two years in Tallahassee in The Price of Gold). If she could have found him I’m sure she would have told him about having his baby in jail, but Neal wanted nothing to do with Emma, so she couldn’t. The fact that Neal gets upset and hurt over the fact that Emma didn’t tell him about Henry at the bar when he told her he couldn’t and wouldn’t have risked being with her if it meant seeing his father again completely blows my mind. He has absolutely no right to be angry at Emma about Henry. None. Not after what he did to her.

Moving on to Storybrooke, when Tamara comes to town, Emma is suspicious of her (and with good reason), but Neal just thinks she’s jealous. WHAT? Even after repeatedly telling Neal she’s not jealous, he continues to believe it (because he’s apparently a real catch). When Emma reminds him about her superpower is knowing when people lie, Neal says he never believed in that. So not only does he accuse her of being jealous, then he tells her the superpower that we know is real (albeit a little wonky) doesn’t exist and that he never believed in it. Way to be supportive. I can see why he’s such a catch. Now, I do have to give him credit for actually apologizing to Emma for framing her, but I still see it as too little too late. He messed up Emma’s whole view on love and men in general because he was a scared little boy. Emma, of course, turns out to be right about Tamara, which Neal doesn’t figure out about until she clobbers Emma and shoots Neal into a portal. Right before he falls he tells Emma he loves her. Okay, let's back up five minutes ago before we found out Tamara was a traitorous bitch to when Neal was in love with her. FIVE MINUTES AGO! And now he’s telling Emma he loves her like he was never involved with Tamara? Not to mention, he doesn’t even know Emma. He knew her 11 years ago. Emma is not the same, naive little girl she was back then. And yes, Emma tells Neal she loves him too, but again, neither of them are the same people they were back then. So yes, they may both have intense feelings, but if they got to know who they were now, I doubt they’d be in love. And I also believe Emma only said she loved him because he was about to die.

When Neal is in the Enchanted Forest trying to get to Emma and Henry in Neverland, he thinks of no one but himself when it comes to getting there. He uses poor Roland as bait not even caring about the consequences. He also makes himself seem much more involved in Emma and Henry’s life when talking to Mulan. He doesn’t even explain any of the backstory to her, just tells Mulan he messed up and he’s trying to fix it. He can’t even admit out loud the most crucial parts of his and Emma’s story because he knows he is wrong.

Which brings us to Neverland. Neal acts like a possessive jerk the entire time. Emma straight up tells him she wished he was dead, and he apparently takes that as an invitation to ‘never stop fighting for her’. Let’s get one thing straight, for all men, when a woman tells you she wishes you were dead because of all the pain you previously put her through, that does not mean she wants you to fight for her. It means she doesn’t want you in her life. And also, what? When did Neal ever fight for Emma? He’s always run away from Emma! He’d never have even thought to fight for her if she hadn’t come across him in New York and discovered Henry was his son. He was engaged to Tamara only 3-4 days prior once Emma and the crew rescued him from the Echo Caves. So all this ‘never stop fighting for you’ crap that he’s spewing is just pure bullshit, because the one thing Neal is good at is running, not fighting. 

Once he finds out that Emma and Hook kissed, well, then Emma doesn’t even seem to be a person anymore, just an object that Neal wants to possess. When Hook tells Neal about his and Emma’s kiss, he just tells Hook, Emma has him now. No, ‘well she might choose me’ or ‘it’s her decision’; Neal’s already decided that Emma is his. And yes, both he and Hook act like children in Dark Hollow when they fight over the lighter, but no one said men are rational when it comes to women. Also, it seems that Neal wants to one up Hook more than he wants Emma once he figures out Hook is his rival.

Once they get back to Storybrooke, it is clear that Emma is uncomfortable when Neal asks her to lunch. The fact that Neal has to beg her to give him a chance, then tells Emma that if she doesn’t show up he’ll leave her alone speaks volumes. It’s obvious to Neal that Emma doesn’t want to give him a chance, yet he insists on it. 

Then everyone is cursed back to the Enchanted Forest. And Neal, for all the running away that he’s done, decides that the only way he can get back to Emma and Henry is to resurrect his father, The Dark One. I get that he’s not thinking rationally, but the only way Rumplestiltskin was able to get to the Land Without Magic was getting Regina to enact the Dark Curse. What exactly did he think resurrecting Rumplestiltskin was going to get him? Then when he and Belle find out that the whole resurrection spell was not only a ploy by the Wicked Witch, but would also kill Neal in the process, he decides to go through with it anyway? What is the point of resurrecting his father to get back to Emma and Henry, if he would be dead? All he did was deliver his father into Zelena’s hands and kill himself in the process. As much as the writer’s tried to make it look like Zelena manipulated Neal into doing the spell, Belle tried to warn Neal off and he did it anyway.

I get that he believed he and Emma to be True Love at that point because he was somehow able to bring over the swan keychain necklace. But honestly, I think the curse may have worked a little differently for him (and Hook) since they weren’t part of the original curse. Or maybe it was just sent to be a reminder of all the bad things he did to Emma so he wouldn’t try to go after her. Whatever it was, it did not confirm they were True Love in any way.

And finally we come to his death. I honestly do not understand the hero arc. Neal condemned himself to death to resurrect his father. Rumplestiltskin absorbed Neal so that he wouldn’t lose him (despite the fact that they were barely speaking before Rumplestiltskin’s death), and then Neal asked Emma to free him from his father so he could tell her Zelena was behind everything. How exactly does that make him a hero? He made a stupid choice to resurrect his father, that put him right into Zelena’s hands, and none of that helped him get back to Emma or Henry. The only heroic thing he did was sending the bird to Hook to have him get Emma back her memories, and no one knows that was him.

So let’s review: 

Neal took advantage of an underage girl.

Neal sent the girl he loved to juvie by framing her for his crime.

Emma had to have her baby in juvie and give him up for adoption because of Neal.

After Emma broke the curse, Neal still wanted nothing to do with her.

Neal still wanted nothing to do with Emma when he found out she was in NYC to bring him to his father.

Neal gets mad at Emma for never mentioning Henry, despite the fact that he wanted nothing to do with her.

Neal starts treating Emma like she’s still a lovesick teenager when his fiance (whom he also never mentioned) comes into the picture.

Neal immediately tells Emma he loves her five minutes after his fiance tries to kill Emma and shoots him.

Neal uses a 4-year-old to summon the Shadow so he can get to Neverland to be with Emma and Henry.

Neal acts like Emma is a possession and not able to make up her own mind when he realizes he has a rival for affection.

Neal decides resurrecting his father, after making a true sacrifice, is the only way to see Emma and Henry again, despite his father never being able to get to the Land Without Magic before.

Neal basically commits suicide and plays right into Zelena’s plan in order to resurrect his father.

Neal dies because he wouldn’t listen to Belle and resurrects Rumplestiltskin.

I know people have a lot of opinions regarding Neal. Again, I never saw him as a potential love interest for Emma. I got creeper vibes from him from the start. I never saw him as a hero or a potential hero. Was I happy that he died, no. I saw that as a cop out from the writers so they could immediately put Emma and Hook together and not let Emma make up her own mind (which I was confident would be Hook even if Neal was still alive). I would have rather seen Emma and Neal become friends and co-parent Henry together than have a completely useless and avoidable death. Instead, the writers felt the need to glorify his stupidity and then name Snow and Charming’s baby after him (don’t even get me started on how wrong and idiotic that was). But I will always see Neal as a bad guy because he could never think of anyone but himself.

Please do not post anti-Captain Swan comments on this. If you want to defend Neal, please feel free. I’m really curious as to what Neal fans see in him. But I did not mention Hook because this is not about the love triangle, it is about why Neal specifically was not good for Emma.

264 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

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Last Song: I Believe from the Persona 5 Royal soundtrack

Favorite Color: Gray! I love pastels, but I keep coming back to gray 🩶

Currently Watching: Rewatching Supernatural (again). I’ve also been rewatching the Saw movies <3

Spicy/Savory/Sweet: Spicy or savory!

Relationship Status: Married

Current Obsession: I’ve circled back to Saw, haha. And I’ve been obsessing over Baldur’s Gate 3, crocheting, and survival horror games. A weird combo but very me <3

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last song/album: Don’t you Dare Make me Jaded by olive klug!! so so lovely and good album about how joy is something you have to assert and about like taking a stance against becoming jaded in a world where it’s so easy to, so good

favorite color: okay okay so it was gray for FOREVER but i think recently it’s become green?? like a nice forest green, sage green, any green lol (also am an avid dusty, earthy pink enjoyer)

last tv show: somehow also supernatural lmao i’ve been going insane and rewatching it and hey?? why is this. good. actually sometimes. so having a lot of fun with that!

last film: i think everything everywhere all at once? my college had a showing of it and it was. sobbed so hard in a room full of other students also crying lmfao. no but genuinely life changing movie that means so much to me now

relationship status: single! last relationship didn’t end so well so definitely chill with it staying that way, and i love reconnecting with myself and my friends again :)

current obsession: getting back into hobbies!! and creating!! and the joy in that!! like i said not so good end to last relationship and kind of stopped creating during that but i’ve been getting back into it and loving it :) (i guess by that token also??? supernatural??? bc that’s all i watch during it lmfao but tbh don’t mind it that much)

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