#granted i have many other problems i didnt use to have now so its like. an exchange really

[oflgtfol]

wait do you also have pots

sorry i have no idea what pots is i just had to google it and no i dont think so? it actually sounds very similar to something i used to experience in middle/high school but i havent had it happen in years and i havent been diagnosed or anything so

i’m assuming this is based off that post i just made in which case i must stress this is an anomaly which is why its so annoying and slightly alarming lol

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking out my manager?

Hi there. Trust me this is a WIBTA and not just dating advice.

So I (35F) am basically working at my dream workplace. I cant say what exactly, because I know people follow this account there, but suffice to say its in a desirable industry with a lot of passionate folks, and while its a big (~150 people) place, there's an atmosphere of kindness and joy I've never seen anywhere else. I know a lot of you probably hate me for this, but I am truly aware how rare a workplace this is, and I am grateful. I dont take it for granted. Sometimes the work itself truly sucks, and the pay is outright atrocious, but when your coworkers have your back, it makes all the difference. They accept me even tho I'm trans, and when I've been sick or injured they make sure I'm taken care of. I feel like they are a family of sorts, and I've been working there for over a year now.

Anyways, this wonderful place is held up by a lot of wonderful people, but one in particular is my manager (30F). When I first got hired, I noticed she was cute, but more importantly she was welcoming and accepting. I set aside those feelings, of course, because its a workplace, but they havent gone away.

But lately, this all started to change. We now spend a lot of talking! We have lots of common interests, and there have been nights when both of us will stay for HOURS while the other works, just to chat about whatever! We even text a bit, even about not-work things. Sharing fandom stuff, whatever. The more and more we talked, the more I fell for her. I could hear her go on for days, even if its something I dont care about. Hell, she could read the dictionary and I'd be sitting there grinning because I get to hear her talk. I've got it bad! And then, a few weeks ago, she even brings up how she's given up on dating...but before I could ask more or say anything really, a coworker interrupted and the moment passed.

And here I am, weeks later, smitten like crazy. And I'd say "oh she obviously likes me, she sticks around for you, shares stuff with you" but she's like this with everyone. She's a bit airheaded honestly about it, I mostly find it endearing, but she could absolutely just be doing it because she talks like that to everyone. She's bisexual, and very pro-trans, so I dont think that would be an issue in any way.

But here's where the WIBTA part comes: I have told a couple other coworkers, and they brought up not only that its a dangerous move to date a manager, but also that it could hurt the workplace itself. I mean, this is a place where so many people get to have a joyful opportunity at life, and as I've said this is tremendously rare...what if I take up too much of this manager's time, and she cant be there for other workers? What if this manager gets fired for dating an underling, and gets replaced by someone awful? There's a whole lot of what-if's floating through my mind.

And then I start thinking, if I ask her out, wouldnt that be putting her in an awkward position? I mean if she doesnt like me, and has to turn me down, she still has to work with me, and I her. I can compartmentalize that, but...she might have more trouble. Is it selfish of me to even try, when I could just let well enough be? And on top of that, what did she mean by "giving up on dating"? It didnt sound like she was aromantic, just that she decided it wont happen, but maybe its just going to be a problem if I ask her out. It feels like the stakes of even asking her out are so high. So I keep chatting with her in hopes that I'll catch a lead, but...idk.

Anyways, I am primarily concerned with if it would be a dick move to anyone in my workplace, especially her, but genuinely I am just lost here. I've never dated anyone at a workplace, but like. The dating apps suck, and I dont think I've ever felt this way about anyone before. I've even thought about quitting or finding another workplace to make it an easier decision, but I feel like thats even worse; like it would put pressure on her to date me because I quit for her or something. So how about it? Should I keep my mouth shut, or is love truly worth all risks?

What are these acronyms?

[squeakadeeks]

hello, here to pester you with a question >:3!

where do you get the money to make your cosplays?? i'm in the middle of crafting a bunch of stuff for a plant convention and gyatt damn everythings so pricey

:((

along with the storage ive been getting this one a bunch too haha

to tell true, this is no fault on your part so no frets here at all !!! BUT i'm not comfortable discussing my personal finances online. because on a wide scale, anything in regards to money gets incredibly niche to a person's circumstances and will make people get upset/can leave you vulnerable to a lot of bad things. My pay scale and spending habits are not something i'm hip to sharing online since its really private and opens a lot of dangerous doors. (also my spending habits are not exactly healthy or generalizable either.) I'm not saying this to like...dodge being a secret billionaire or anything, but even if i say "i work a STEM job" I've had people get weird about even just that information.

That being said, there are ways i make cosplay more affordable.

usually in-store fabric shopping at say joanns, is just about as expensive as it gets. if you have to shop only at joanns, michaels, etc the bill racks up fast. There are some in-store fabric shops that are cheaper, especially if they are wholesalers or general fabric warehouses, but those are not easy to find outside of cities most often. Joanns does have good coupons, and i can only shop at joanns these days if i have a coupon or there's a sale on that fabric type i'm interested in!

online wholesale fabric shops are a good way to find fabrics that are at lower prices, but then it does incur extra shipping costs. because of that i try to limit the number of orders I make (more orders, more extra shipping). this looks like grouping orders between projects, or even compromising on fabric types based on the stock of one website so i dont have to split an order between two sites.

sometimes you really do have to sacrifice material type. theres been a number of projects this year that i wanted to make out of a nicer type of fabric, even Thistle for example i considered making out of a dupioni, but it was just too dang expensive. dupioni would be around $25 a yard...vs poly suede which is $6. or even a cheaper satin at $3 a yard is a common sub i use as well. I also very frequently have to throw out entire cosplay ideas just based on cost since its just not feasible no matter how many compromises i make.

reduce the burden by extending your timeline. unfortunately theres no way around it, most projects i make are $200-300, and thats....fairly low in the grand scheme of things for crafting-focused cosplayers on mid sized projects. but either way, dropping all of that at once in one place is a huge blow to the wallet. but if you break up that whole $200 cost into say...$20 chunks from one week to the next, its softer. if you cant or dont want to reduce your budget, expanding your timeline is a good solution. now granted, that does cause a problem with the whole "less orders means less shipping costs" but the weighing of those two scenarios has to be done person to person/project to project.

STOCKING UP....when there are sales or other things, building a horde can be a great move. like silverbell didnt actually show up much on my finances this month because all the fabric i used on his suit was storage fabric. so it was ""free"" to me this month, because i already bought it.....3 years ago...and that money isnt real anymore haha.

this is really regional and depends on where you are, but thrift stores can have material sections that have good fabrics as well as sheets/blankets/base garments etc. ive been weirdly lucky with finding great fabrics at thrift stores...like literal joanns fabric for half the cost there, but thats super SUPER hit or miss and not something i rely on, but i do check that section whenever i'm there

[plague-of-insomnia]

hm idk how ur gonna feel abt an ask like this but i do want to get smth off my chest & u seem p safe. feel free to delete if u want

i saw a post recently talking abt how "gay" got used as a slur a lot more than people acknowledge. and it got me thinking of my school years & how often it got thrown around.

thing is. and heres where my train of thought goes off the rails. i actually experienced the word "incest" as an attack more than the word "gay"... which. ill explain. but it really got me thinking on this whole purity culture & demonising of incest depicted in literature & yknow taking things too far with whats considered incest.

bc at the end of the day. the reason incest is illegal (mostly) is to prevent inbreeding & the health issues that come along with that. if ur not blood related then theres no problem.

and like. the reason i got called incestuous and generally ostracised was bc i was close with a boy in my year. like we dated for a week as 14 yros do. and at some point i discovered that hey. his last name is the same as my aunts and lo and behold hes my 2nd cousin thru marriage or smth. so. not incest at all.

anyway that p much ruined our friendship (& it was a friendship. i broke things off before i even knew we were related bc i just didnt feel the same way and we stayed friends for a little bit) all bc some kids couldnt let it go that we had the vaguest relation to each other. he got bullied for the rest of our school year & ive felt horribly guilty for leaving him bc i wanted to be "cool" & ended up without any close friends like we were.

sorry if thats a weird thing to put in ur inbox.

Hey, anon. I don't mind this ask. I hope you don't mind me replying publicly. (In future if you don't just say so.)

This post will be a bit long, so I'll go ahead and put it under a readmore.

TW for discussions of "gay" used in a negative way, and discussions of the use of the word "incest," and its association with child sexual abuse, though there's really nothing terribly bad here as I'm not going into detail on any of thse topics. (If you need something tagged, though, let me know.)

Now, I'm old as dirt by tumblr standards, and I remember VIVIDLY the word "gay" being used in a negative light. As a kid, I didn't really see it used as a "slur" per se, but it was used to mean something was bad.

Like, if you saw a movie that sucked, you'd say "Man, that movie was so gay." It meant something like "lame."

So obviously, it wasn't a good thing, and when I got a bit older and was explained why using the word was bad, I stopped, and fortunately most other kids did too and it mostly faded from use (in that sense) at least as far as I noticed.

(I'm not saying gay hasn't been used as a more nasty slur/word ofc, this is just my personal experience with it.)

Granted, keep in mind when I was in high school, our LGBTQ+ club was just the "Gay/Straight Alliance." Back then, it was basically, you were gay/lesbian, or you were an ally. We never talked about trans people or nonbinary people or ace/aro people. Ofc every one of those identities/kinds of people existed, but as far as my world went, they didn't. Most of my circle of friends was queer in some way, but many were closeted or semi-closeted for various reasons.

Anyway, sorry for that detour. Now, as to your incest situation. I'm sorry that happened to you. It definitely wasn't fair. You didn't have any way to know if you were related, and if/when you did it was "easy" to end the relationship. But kids are kids, and they always love to find a way to single people out, and they probably didn't really care what the actual truth was.

Even if you'd discovered having a similar name was total coincidence, I'm sure they'd still have bullied you for "incest."

I wasn't bullied for it, thankfully, but I did have a classmate in high school with the same last name as mine. My name is very common in some places, but where I lived at that time it was not, so everyone assumed we were fraternal twins. He was a nice enough guy, but I really didn't want people to think we were siblings. But no matter how many times we both explained we weren't related, no one believed us.

Sometimes, once someone makes their mind up about something, there's no changing it.

As for "abandoning" your friend because you didn't want to be left out and regretting it, I get that too. There was a guy I dated when I was around 16, and we were very passionate, but I think honestly I entered a major depressive episode and lost all interest in everything, including him, and... anyway, I regret how things ended between us even today, many, many years later. I wish I could shake my 16-year-old self and tell them not to be so cruel, but we can't change the past, only learn from it and move forward.

With regards to antis/purity culture taking incest so far, I do agree it has gotten ridiculous. As you said, the reason incest is taboo is because of inbreeding, because if your (general you) DNA is too closely related, you increase the chance of having major/significant diseases due to a lack of genetic diversity. But antis tend not to understand the WHY's behind things (since they also believe pedophilia is bad bc it's disgusting, and not because it hurts children, who become real grown adults).

But I have seen some really wild takes called incest. Like a ship from one fandom where the male and female characters are friends. A lot of people consider it "problematic" apparently, because they have a "sibling-like" relationship. They did not grow up together, they aren't related, and yet that's "incest" according to antis.

I do want to mention another reason that incest can/is considered so bad, and it's because, despite what antis may think, most sexual abuse of children comes from someone close to them in their lives, often a family member or close friend. So for a lot of people, when they think of "incest," they closely associate it with sexual abuse of a child. It's possible that's why antis get so upset about it. I don't know. But that is another aspect to it. (Ofc for you, in your past situation, you were both around the same age, so that's not the case, but that association is there.)

But, in the end, in fiction, it doesn't matter, because there are not actual children who can be conceived or harmed, and so the whole purpose behind why incest isn't allowed in many places in modern times doesn't exist.

I hope you're doing OK now, anon. Don't be to hard on yourself. A lot of people have done things when they were young teens they regret and wish they could "undo," but as long as you learned from that experience so you could become a better person than that 14-year-old version of you, I think you're doing OK.

Sending you some hugs. <3

[kara-does-fandom]

Digimon Au

Going to be putting my Digimon Au stuff under that tag, most of it about my OC and her Lucemon partner. Expect retcons if you are keeping an eye on this as I sort the world out better. In this Digital World, the lands tend to have many small villages, some city hubs, and some areas claimed as a territory by stronger digimon, witt he strong digimon 'ruler' being the one who is ultimately turned to when the peace keepers cant solve a problem, or it has grown beyond normal resolution. Or you have places where its just "Oh thats Lady Devimon's lands, a lot of Dark and Virus type digimon tend to live there and we dont bother them because she doesnt like vaccine or holy types much. Territory boundaries can shift by a village's consensus that they are ok with being rulled by the neighboring territory ruler, or by said territory ruler using thier strength to force the issue.

That said lot of the Digital world is free areas, cities, and villages also not under a territory, and the Village of Beginnings is never under anyone's territory by general consensus. Still, something happened, and some digimon decided to upend the order of things, and as happens often, the mightiest beings and digimon gods of that world called in children from the human world to give aid, trusting the children's potential for growth to pair with chosen digimon and defeat the digimon threatening the stability of the world. They of course succeeded, but digimon lords and territory rulers who kept an eye on things had noticed some frankly eyebrow raising interventions when said children and thier partners got nearly killed.

Lucemon was one of these observers. He had fallen quite a bit ago, cast from the digital god's grace for questioning why some digimon were bad and deserving of being called evil and killed on sight by the more zealous of the other angels, and why some werent, of that god had made them all, in the first place. He had helped being about a peace with his wisdom, and was far too proud when he was praised by the grateful. Among other things, Lucemon is a bit more jaded now, but didnt fully turn into the tyrannical ruler that needed to be sealed away, nor put himself fully with evil forces. Instead he simply gathered his followers, and filled with spite, set about making his own kingdom. A discontent King of sorts, who grew more and more jaded and sadistic and mean spirited, but still determining to hold to the values that got him fallen in the first place. The value that all are equal beneath him, both virus and dark, vaccine and holy, and neither deserves smiting for simply existing… and that since he was damned for praise of what he had rightfully done, he should keep doing it, and thus secured himself a nice slowly expanding kingdom he was ruler to. He watched the digidestined's war, via scouts and the abilities of his underlings, and determined the humans would be victorious. So he carefully sent a support army with a general he knew could make a nice rousing meaningless speech to bump his PR up and make it seem he had always supported the humans, and sent the army on the den of evil least likely to give his own alliances repercussions. A token support as things are starting to wrap up, but Lucemon knows how important public image is.

And then he watched and waited and saw that oh, the humans can come back! The Powers That Be didnt send them home with no hope to return, and whats this? More humans? But there is no crisis, not anymore. And thus is the stage for the AU, where the crisis of the digital world happened a handful of years ago in the human world, and humans are slowly entering the digital world as some system grants digivices or people are sucked in on accident. And the digimon themselves starting the bias that humans are always good, if a bit mean sometimes, and starting to associate rank to a digimon who has a human partner.

[shhhhhiminsidesaitamascloset]

Personal Vent

.

.

.

.

.

I didnt think a long time friend would block me on tumblr or at all. I admit, i was a bit upset and just thought their cold response online was because they were busy playing video games atm.

i went to go share my new fic w/ them and found out they blocked me. So it was what i thought. They genuinely didnt care or was annoyed i guess. Im not gonna ask somebody to speak to them or wonder why they blocked me. Or think that this aquaintance was built on something nefarious.

But im just going to take it in stride and not worry too much about it. Im just glad they werent my only friend and that i didnt heavily depend on them. People acting funny nowadays anyway and life is too short. People are just willing to snuff the light out of people with good intentions, and some are jealous. Some fail to see the good in people that are different. Or theyre just fickle for any reason.

If i'm your friend, we may disagree on things or run in different circles, but im not going to be petty and block you. im petty with strangers i dont agree with or dont know. But no matter how much we disagree i'm not gonna be petty with you if i think youre a cool person. Though maybe this is a teaching moment.

Maybe this is telling me to be more kind and not block people??? But unless we were friends beforehand i wont block you. Im still not going to care too much because the world is too envious and fickle nowadays. If i only got like two online friends then ok. If they betray me then i know that i wasnt meant to befriend others in this life or world. And i guess thats ok.

I was told long ago that i had to accept that not everyone would like me. I was told in church that the world will reject me. So its a soul crushing admission to someone who always wanted friends and a best friend. But im ok if God and Jesus are my besties at this point. If thats how it is, then thats how it is.

But if anybody is nosy and read it up to now, cherish the people in your life online or irl. You never know how important that friendship is to them and how much theyre willing to put up with to be your friend. If theyre a ride or die like me that is forgiving as i am and looks past the negatives. Do not take that person for granted.

Stop taking friendships for granted in general. Because for years i thought i had to change for people. When it was never me who was the problem. A lot of people in my life didnt care and were too fickle. they were jealous. They refused to see me for who i was! And im tired of trying to prove myself to people who are selfish and only care about themselves.

crying! getting rsd because they refuse to text me back! putting up with what felt like abuse and neglect. Im freeing myself for forgiving those who have treated me less than. forgiving people who were jealous or didnt like how i shined my light. i never tried to commit unalive because of how people treated me and im still here watching this world go to crap because too many people pull the "woe is me" crap and only care about themselves.

too many people blame God but dont realize they perpetuate their own demise. they see anything with a semblance of good and assume its bad. Forgetting that i was even a proshipper at one point in my life. i was pro lgbtq+. i was all that s*** even a feminist! Yet when i switch teams and go my own path im bad for it!

If yall think im some horrible person for standing by what i believe even though ive always been first and foremost a lover! not a hater! Then some of you need to reevaluate yourselves and look in the mirror. I know im not perfect! I never was and neither were yall! At least im aware to admit that with my whole chest!

But like i said imma stop blaming people for my issues. Imma stop getting sad when i get rejected. Imma stop worrying why nobody will text me back. if yall fickle like that then maybe its a good thing you left. Maybe this was for both of us to move on. Ive lost alot over the years. i struggle. But im refusing to let anyone take my shine away from me. no more.

you never know loss or rejection until it happens to you. and too many of yall go around like your loner status is bulls*** and that you have more people in your life than you like to admit. or act as if you dont need people to talk to. Either youre very priveledged or miserable pretending to be ok. Especially (lemme just say it) if you dont have God or Jesus in your life.

You try to go for inclusion then ostracize people you have your own bias or prejudices against. Liars and hypocrites! Then i cant speak my mind because its wrong to believe something "my oppressors" believed. Its not the religion its the people! Its not the race its the people! When you take away politics, race, sexual orientation, disability, gender, etc. Its the person. Its the people who hate. The individual person. And hate isnt exclusive to people who oppress you. You and your community can hate too. You just dress it up as ✨️prejudice✨️ you cant fight fire w fire. You can put evil against evil!

Yet here i am. I'm willing to put all that aside. Im willing to get slapped, neglected, spat on, and abused to learn the true meaning of forgiveness and what it means to forgive. what it means to turn the other cheek and rise above hate and evil. Like after all after we die none of this trivial mess will matter at all. And if yall are sick of injustices, sick of how people treat each other, sick of the evil bulls***. Then why not rise above it and do better?

Also self reflection is a good thing. When you start wanting to live life with better principles and a better heart its always a good thing! and the best thing to learn from all this is that you'll never know if your friends are on opposing sides until you bring up stuff like politics and religion. Stop making that your identity and talk about your favorite shows and anime. gravitate to likeminded people. And learn to agree to disagree or walk away.

But with me im just built different. I'll befriend anyone until they talk about hate for something or blaspheming God. Even then im patient because im aware not everyone thinks like me. And im constantly misunderstood. Even though i could go for others who think like me, im willing to befriend people that dont agree with me and show them the most love. Some i wouldnt like to interact with but i'll still love from a distance.

Love is suppose to conquer all right? thats what its all about? So i'll do that. i'll love. i'll forgive even people who wrong me. I'll never stop trying to be the best version of me. this planet can suck an egg if it thinks im going to crumble and become bitter. im going to be that annoying positive person from now on. Because insurance companies dont care about getting me therapy and i still know a bit about cognitive behavioral therapy to know that with christianity it can work. By God it will.

Yall are not going to make me bitter and sad like yall. im sorry. I actually wanna live and go somewhere where im not suffering. And im not a masochist. I got too much to live for. Your feelings about me dont dictate me or my life.

i love you, i hope things work out for you, i wish the best for you. And take care of yourself! I hope someday you'll come to the realization i came to and treat people even the ones you hate. With love, compassion, and understanding. And i hope you'll find happiness and freedom from being the way you are now.

[asmo-baby5]

Asking First

MC asks the brother and undateables on a date first before they can.

Lucifer-

•is very pissed MC asked first because now he somehow has to relinquish control over the date to them.

•His pride is seriously hurt because how dare a human ask him on a date first?

•he was planning on asking them at the same time, he was just too slow....

•stays cool and composed as he obviously accepts their offer.

•has to play one of his records at full volume in his room later to settle down.

•Despite somehow coming to terms with the fact MC planned everything and wouldn't tell him a single detail, he takes charge of the date.

•he covers all bills and leads the way despite the fact he technically shouldn't know where MC was headed next.

•he's the right hand of Lord Diavolo for a reason, he knows everything.

Mammon-

•"Hey now, Human, the Great Mammon is supposed to ask ya first!"

•outwardly pissy and upset MC asked him first.

•inwardly freaking out because MC ASKED HIM FIRST.

•Unfortunately his bright red blush causes all of his sharp words to become dull.

•MC finds it incredibly endearing he's so upset they asked first.

•they still take complete control and won't tell Mammon a thing about the date until the day of.

•the anticipation drives him crazy and he goes on a spending spree right before to blow off some anxiety.

•gets in trouble with Lucifer and almost has to miss the date, but is granted permission to go because MC stood up for him.

•is still incredibly pissy they won't tell him anything but is incredibly into the secrecy.

Levi-

•A mess.

•Just a complete stuttering and blushing mess.

•"theres no way youd want to go out with a yucky shut-in Otaku like me."

•will try to shut down the idea entirely because he believes MC is making fun of him.

•immediately changes his mind when MC gets upset he'd even think of them like that.

•has to know every little detail of the date so he can mentally prepare.

•MC is very supportive and gives him every detail he asks for, most times more than one.

•he is on edge in the days leading up to the date and can't sit still the day of.

•can't game cause he can't sit still that long and can't watch anime cause he can't focus on the words.

Satan-

•Loves the idea.

•The two normally alternate who prepares the date anyway so nothing gets boring or predictable.

•he has absolutely no problem with MC asking first either.

•fully trusts them to prepare an entertaining and productive day for the two of them.

•spends the days leading up to it trying to reason out where MC could be planning on going.

•never ever gets it right because MC knows what he's thinking and if he had managed to get it right they will change it last minute to keep him on his toes.

•he adores them for making sure to keep him engaged yet docile for the entire day.

Asmo-

•He is, of course, used to being asked on dates all the time, but its actually the first time MC has ever asked him first.

•its an understatement to say he's elated.

•offers to help plan the date.

•pouts when MC insists it is a day where they will completely treat him and he is not allowed to treat them.

•spends the days leading up to the date trying to convince MC to let him pamper them too.

•they keep refusing.

•he decides to make the time after the date ends his time to pamper them because then they can't complain or resist.

•if MC ever takes control of their dates again he always make sure to have something prepared for after to thank them for loving him so fully.

Beel-

•of course!

•could not be more excited!

•does not think much of MC asking first until he realizes that their dates usually consist of major restaurant visits and he is the one to always pay because he asks them out first.

•frets every single day up to the date because he doesn't want MC to spend so much money on him but he also doesn't want to butt into their date plans and make them mad.

•he tries to eat more a few days before so he'll maybe eat less on the day of.

•he even almost enlists Belphie to sneakily check MC's wallet and make sure they have enough grimm to cover the large bills they will inevitably have.

•almost cries from relief when he finds out MC had a major savings account filled with extra grimm from their part time job. It had more than enough to cover his many large meals.

Belphie-

•its not like its the first time, he rarely asks first anyway.

•MC's dates are always the best, even if they are very similar each time.

•they know exactly what he likes and knows that he doesn't tend to like a lot of change so they stick with what works.

•almost always an evening date so he can sleep all day and maybe have some energy for it.

•evening dates also let's them both fall asleep against each other without being scolded for sleeping so early.

•the date is never too far from home so whoever fell asleep first (more often than not that being Belphie) can be carried back without exerting too much energy themself.

Diavolo-

•too excited.

•can hardly contain himself and almost kills MC in a bone crushing bear hug from his excitement.

•he finally had a free day and spending that day with his favorite human ever sounded amazing.

•and he didnt need to prepare anything for it at all?

•perfection.

•will be a ball of sunshine for the whole time leading up to it so MC wouldn't change their mind.

•works extra fast and hard so he can get all of his work done in preparation for the date.

•overworks himself and the date ends up being MC taking care of him all day and cuddling with him all night.

•he's upset they couldn't go anywhere, but he got to spend the day with MC regardless so he isn't too upset.

Barbatos-

•is unsure at first.

•he is way too busy to allow himself to indulge in a fantasy.

•also feels horrible if someone else is taking care of him instead of the other way around anyway.

•MC insists they will keep it very low-key so he can still do necessary work as it comes up but still spend time with them.

•he reluctantly agrees to this.

•is pleasantly surprised when it turns out MC had spent a month learning from Luke so they could bake him his favorite cake and brew his favorite tea just the way he liked.

•it was just a small tea party in the garden of the Demon Lord's castle, but it felt like a magical excursion because of what MC had pulled off for him.

Simeon-

•sweet baby is so excited!

•ask him out on a date first and he will literally melt because that means MC loves him back.

•like Satan, he will leave everything to MC because he trusts them.

•is pretty calm leading up to the date because he has full confidence in them and has full faith that this date will do nothing but build their relationship.

•he is a perfect gentleman and will open doors and pull out chairs.

•he offers to take a commemorative photo for them but doesn't save it correctly so MC takes an even better candid shot that is sure to make the two of them laugh and reminisce later down the line.

•He refuses to let MC pay for everything but MC refuses to let him pay so they compromise and split all bills on the date.

Solomon-

•"you think I'd go out with you?"

•is a complete little shit about it to hide his embarrassment at MC asking him first.

•freaks out when they take him seriously and start to walk away.

•"wait no, of course I will."

•he's just a bit of a control freak and would hate leaving all preparations to them.

•seriously, MC cannot prepare anything without him being right behind their shoulder and either nodding or correcting the plans.

•the date just cannot remain a surprise when Solomon is literally helping to plan it all.

•MC doesn't really mind though because he looks really cute when he gets all serious about something.

•he gets very serious about almost everything when it comes to them so they get to see his cute face very often.

•they go to the human world to make sure the brothers wouldn't follow them and bother their date.

•stay in the human world for a few days and just find complete peace being in the other's presence.

[ifandomus]

Why do people like Zemo?!

Something I have been wondering about for a while now is why people like Zemo as much as they do. He even gets more appreciation than Sam, who is an incredible person (the reason isnt exactly difficult to figure out*). While Zemo is an interesting character, and he does have some good points it doesnt change that he has killed and hurt a lot of innocent people and a lot of people gloss over that fact. I can understand his motive, but I cant get past what he did.

*(Racism)

Its not suprising because white cis men usually gets away with anything they do, especially if they are charismatic, attractive and rich (like Zemo and Tony). They can kill and hurt as many people as they want, and people will still stan them and either justify what they did, or just gloss over it. And the fact that it keeps happening is a big problem. And its happening both in real life, and in at least most fandoms.

Now I am not saying that liking morally darker people is wrong. I also like some of them. What I am saying is that glossing over their bad actions is a problem. If you add in villanising other characters who havent done anything remotely that bad being critisised more, it gets really irritating.

Now lets get more into Zemo, and compare him to the other two Sokovians who wanted revenge on the avengers. (I wont really be talking about anything past civil war, or this would get very long and my ADHD can only handle so much.)

Zemo killed a lot of innocent people. I couldnt find an exact number on anything but the bombing, but it was over a dozen at least. First the bombing killed 12 people, including king T’chaka (the fact that his death is so glossed over is not lost on me*1). Then he kills Dr. Theo Broussard. Then he uses Bucky*2 to kill and injure an unknown number of people at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre. None of these people had anything to do with his motive! The only ones I can excuse him for is Karpov and the other 5 winter soldiers. But I cant look past the rest.

1*(Racism and Xenophobia)

2*(Zemo uses Buckys body without his consent. The fact that some people ships them sickens me!)

Now for his motive. This part I can understand. He lost his father, wife and son. I cant even imagine how painful that must be! However that does not give him the right to hurt innocent people! I can understand why he would blame the avengers, but the only ones among them who were responsible in any way were Tony, Bruce and maybe a tiny bit Wanda (even though Tony having a bad nightmare would have had the same results). The main one responsible is of course Ultron. No one but Tony and Bruce knew about creating Ultron, because if they did they would have stopped it. It was actually a betrayel of Thor. When Ultron broke free they did everything they could to stop him and save people. Its not their fault that they werent able to save everyone. They did everything they could and without them Ultron would have killed everyone on earth. So it makes sense that he would blame some of the avengers, but most were completly innocent and risked their lives trying to save as many as possible. And in Pietros case actually gave their life.

Wich brings me to two other people who also wanted revenge, the Maximoff twins. Although Wanda is usually the only one of them to be held responsible (the fact that she is female and an eastern European immigrant is also not lost on me*). Now some people gloss over what she did too, wich is wrong. Dont get me wrong I love Wanda, but that doesnt mean that I cant admit that she has made some bad mistakes. Granted she feels a lot of remorse and regret wich we dont really see Zemo do. However a lot of people are villanising Wanda completly.

*(Sexism and Xenophobia)

Like Zemo the twins lost their family. Their parents were killed by a Stark missile, then they had to wait for two days with another one right by them. They couldnt move from where they were hiding, so they would have been starving and dehydrated, but all they could do were wait and hope that the missile didnt blow them up. Then they had to move to an orphanage, given the conditions in the country I cant imagine that would be a nice place. And keep in mind they were 10 years old. They got desperate and wanted to protect their country, so they end up joining hydra wich was pretending to be shield at the time. But only untill they got the power they needed to defend their country. Now the twins were younger than Zemo, and the weapon that killed their parents came from from Stark industries. So it makes sense that they would have a personal grudge. However Zemo was older, he led a Sokovians kill squad, and he is a very critical thinker. So it makes less sense for him to hold a personal grudge on most of the avengers.

For their revenge the only people the twins intentionally harmed were the avengers, unlike Zemo who knowingly killed a lot of people that he knew had nothing to do with it. The twins wanted to protect their country, while Zemo declared it a failed state. So why are the twins critisised and hated more than Zemo?!

[papers4me]

hi, you said i could voice my thoughts and ask you questions, so i wanted to know your opinion about the friendship between Hana, Uo and Tohru, because I have an unpopular view, maybe, about this relationship. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a cute relationship, but unbalanced, the girls can't help Tohru as they would like for: 1. Tohru is good at hiding her feelings, 2. They being unable to break this barrier, often realizing the real problems of their friend and +

Hi! Thank you for sharing more thoughts!

Hana+Arisa+Tohru dynamics/friendship is one of the multiple trios in this story.

In Literature in general, 3 provides balanced dynamics that creates both clash or support as it's an uneven number. Anime/manga/cartoon , being what it is, takes things over the top & turn the trio dynamics into tons of trios within one simple work. Take Attack on Titan for example, different genre, but trio is a golden dynamics in every interaction in this work! Veteran trio, Shignashia trio, warrior trio, even Grisha & his wives trio! XD & many many others.

In Furuba, we have:

The trios with conflict at its core that takes long time to be resolved: Yuki+tohru+kyo, Tohru+ kyo+ Kagura, Shigure+akito+ kureno, Kana, Hatori, Mayko, Akito+ Kureno+ Arisa. Tohru+ Isuzu+ Akito, Momiji+ tohru+ kyo. 

The Trios with harmony but with very silent third member that mostly tag along & doesnt interact much within the trio due to their personality: Kakeru+ yuki+machi, Haru+ yuki+ Isuzu, Hana+ Arisa+tohru, Ayame+ Shigure+ Hatori, tohru+ kyo+ Kazuma.

The first group is where all the drama is & the main core dynamics that moves the main plot & carry the major themes. The 2nd group is supportive dynamics that moves either the secondary plot or the next phase of the characters towards the happy ending or to be observers that help the audience catch the change.

The second group is where tohru+hana+ Arisa at. No drama, not much effect on the general plot, both girls (Hana & Arisa) are mostly observers that help us notice tohru's struggle faintly with not much effect on tohru's character that makers her change, altho they did tell her very frankly that she might get crushed by the weight of worrying over others well-being. Still, tohru continued to be tohru until someone came & shook her dramatically with conflict: Isuzu + kagura+ Akito.

With Isuzu: tohru was forced to answer, even if late, the question: who's the most important/ precious to you? soft spoken & polite Tohru screamed with her lungs saying she'll interfere to save someone important to her! sth that shook the boys next door. Tohru didnt even know much abt isuzu's love life or even interfered. Tohru didn't even save isuzu much! Couldn't even protect her from akito & didnt even why she's hospitalized.

With Kagura: in theit first meeting, Tohru was able to feel the tingling feeling of jealousy as a woman watching someone's else so in love! Tohru actually desired to be in love herself which is such a personal need that tohru is always so quick to brush off. She didnt know she'll end up loving kyo nor did she desire for kagura to be left behind, but tohtu actually thought of personal needs & desires that day. Also, kagura slapped tohru, anime style, to bush her to pursue kyo! the main target of tohru's personal self descovery as an independant woman away from the scared child wanting her mom beside her. Kagura slapped tohru to grow up & own up her already confessed declaration in front of isuzu.

With Akito: tohru realized the ugliness inside herself & cast away the angelic aura of tohru- the-ever-so-good mother. She did before with kyo, but with akito it was a stage where tohru cut the toxic past bond with the dead & realize the importance of moving on even if she lost her most important person. Granted tohru is the one who pushed akito to do that, but seeing akito's ugliness, tohru realized her own.

Now, do I hate tohru+hana+ Arisa? nope! I enjoy them so much, but yeah Hana+ Arisa are more of protective squad, or surrogate mothers. The author herself joked abt that using kyo when hated that Hana+ Arisa accompanied tohru in their 1st date. Not every friendship needs drama or purposeful major plot device. Hana+ Arisa once they were saved by tohru early on, they tried to repay the debt by being super protective without interfering much. Kinda like yuki+tohru dynamics, once yuki was saved by tohru, he became the protective angel without confronting tohru much abt anything, or pushing her to do anything. Yuki+ Hana+ Arisa (another trio) will rather beat up kyo & mock him rather than face/tell tohru anything for fear that she might get sad. To these 3, tohru is an angel or like a glass that can easily shatter. Granted this feeling stems from great love & care. I also respect the notion that" hey, you are my dear my friend, but dont interfere in my personal space, let me do me". Still, I love the "if you are my buddy, tell it to me as it is, cuz If you don't, who will?"

In the end, I love the variety of dynamics & approach how much it copies real life.

Thank you for the fun ask!!

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

[surviving---not---living]

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

[recordsstraight]

EMMA + ALCOHOLISM

So since there’s enough people here that don’t know Emma that much and don’t know of her alcoholism, I’ve decided to do an in depth headcanon about it all. I apologize ahead of time at how long this is going to get, but also I’m not sorry. When I tell this story, please keep in mind that Emma lives in Canada, where the legal age to drink is 18! 

the normalizing: Alcohol was normalized in her life long before she was old enough to drink. Every day that her Father would come home, he would pop open a beer and have two or three to ‘unwind’ for the day, no matter if it was a good day or a bad day. The bad days, Steve tended to switch to a hard liquor rather than having a beer. Even at a young age, it wasn’t uncommon for Emma to be the one to go and ‘fetch’ a beer for him as he sat in his chair, and on special occasions (like holidays and whatnot), Emma was allowed to have a single glass of wine. And while none of these things are precursors or reasons why Emma fell into alcoholism, it did normalize alcoholism because yes, there is such a thing as casual alcoholism and it absolutely played a part in her life and deserves to be mentioned. 

the beginning of it all: As Emma got older and more in her teen years, Steve let her have drinks a bit more frequently than just holidays and special occasions. Granted it wasn’t a lot, but it only furthered the normalization of it all ... and when her middle brother and her father’s relationship began to crumble and fall into flames, Emma began to sneak the alcohol ... a fact that only increased the moment Steve was killed in an accident at work. 

Now you might be thinking ... where was Emma’s mother, Mikayla, during all of this? Well ... she certainly didn’t approve of how Steve gave Emma alcohol like he did, but when it came down to it, when Steve so blatantly ignored his wife to do so anyways, it created a certain sort of rebellion in Emma after the fact that he was gone. In the middle of her own grief, its hard to keep account of the alcohol that’s consumed in the household, especially when one of your children is old enough to drink. The blame has nothign to do with Mikayla, and everything to do with the brothers who bought alcohol to replace what they all were drinking, not thinking for one moment that Emma’s consumption was getting worrisome. A fact that only worsened when the family moved from the home that they lived in up until Steve’s death. 

Kyle: This fuck deserves his own section in this, because Kyle is the biggest and heaviest influence in Emma’s drinking. He was one of the first people that Emma met after they moved. She was fragile ... influenceable, and she was fun. He ‘took her under his wing’, allowed her to feel an emotional high with his attention, and considering he was a partier and he was a couple years older, he was yet another source of provision of alcohol to her. He contributed heavily to her alcoholism, actively encouraging her as she drank herself into full black outs, even going so far at one point to send Emma to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. As his narcissistic personality comes out is when this happens, as Emma uses alcohol as a crutch, as a way of drinking away her problems ... a fact that worsens yet again after the rather spectacular and horrific end to their relationship. 

pregnancy and postpartum: because Emma was drinking as she was, its a fucking miracle that she didn’t lose her pregnancy, let alone have Aubrey born without some serious medical issues. For nearly 3 months Emma didn’t realize she had morning sickness, merely playing it off as her hangovers. It was during one of the few moments where she didnt’ have a drink for a few days and her morning sickness continued that she realized what might be happening ... and was absolutely horrified at the result of her multiple pregnancy tests. She was, after all, still a teenager, and still in school ... and pregnant with a man’s child who she was no longer with. At first, it was difficult to remain sober, but she did so until the end of her pregnancy, and because alcohol was deemed such a large part of her life ... she chose to formula feed over breast feeding for one reason, and one reason along: so she could drink when she wanted to without hurting the baby further. The day she got home, she poured herself a drink, and every night when Aubrey was asleep Emma would do the same. Hell there were many nights when Emma was up with a colicy baby that she’d still have somethign to drink after putting a screaming Aubrey down in her crib, and let her scream because absolutely nothing would help ... a fact that was born from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. 

guilt: after she found out she was pregnant, after it was discovered that Aubrey was underweight and underdeveloped in the beginning and remained underweight through the pregnancy and birth, Emma is under no illusion that its not her fault... and every day through the pregnancy guilt eats away at her. She knows damn well that the colic Aubrey endures for hours on end is her fault. She knows that Aubrey being born premature and with the fact that newborn clothing was way too big for Aubrey was Emma’s own fault. Guilt eats away at Emma and only fuels the need for alcohol further. A couple nights she gets too drunk to tend to Aubrey over it all, forcing Mikayla to tend to both her child and her grandchild ... for they both live under her roof yet. 

recovery: it isn’t until Emma’s mother meets a man by the name of Joey that Emma starts down a different path. She couldn’t tell you what prompted Joey and her to have the night conversation that they did, she couldn’t tell you what exactly it was that was said ... but she does remember the overwhelming emotion that had her breaking down in his arms. She had accepted him at the very least by then ... and a relationship was beginning to form, but that night was a turning point. its not an easy thing, and its not without her relapses and her issues with AA, a class that she wound up dropping out of and going to a more local group with Joey’s help and presence. And just like with any recovering addict, its not just once that she falls flat on her ass in her attempt to get sober. But there’s one thing that some other’s might not have: a solid support system that’s unwavering and as nonjudgmental as they come. 

staying sober: Emma’s a mother ... and the mommy wine culture runs rampant through motherhood. She has yet to meet a single mother who doesn’t casually make jokes about alcoholism, or try insisting on Emma drinking, or even criticize her for not drinking wine with them. Being a mother in Canada and eventually the States is her own personal hell, and because of it, Emma has next to no friends that are parents. She had found early on that cutting them out and keeping them out tends to fair better on her mental health and her ability to stay sober than trying to educate them or even tell them that she was a recovering addict. The times that she tried? The invites to hang almost instantly stopped coming and excuses rose. 

being Emma’s friend / partner: you have to have a basic understanding of what being with a recovering alcoholic means. No, Emma doesn’t mind if you drink around her ... but should it become excessive or should you start leaving alcohol at her house, she will ask you to stop and if you can’t respect it, she’s not below cold cutting you out of her life. Just because she doesn’t drink, doesn’t mean she will expect you not to ... but she does expect the basic respect of her boundaries that it creates. It took a long time for Emma to find those boundaries through trial and error, but now that she knows it and knows her own limits, she is unwavering and won’t budge on it. 

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Maybe unpopular; but i’ve never really liked the ending of TFS where we play as AJ. The first time i played it i was so upset about Clem ‘dying’ that i couldn’t really enjoy it, it bothers me that they just did that to shock the player. I would much rather see a scene of AJ running back to the school with Clem in the wheelbarrow, and see everyone’s reaction. It just sorta felt like a cop out to me, like the devs and writers didnt wanna write something so emotional and dramatic

But anon..... they couldn’t show the wheelbarrow bit or everyone’s reactions to Clementine missing a leg... if they did that, they couldn’t take the easy route of emotional manipulation and would have to put more time and effort into the ending. 

...Okay, but seriously, I totally feel you. 

Though I will say that I do enjoy playing as AJ at the end. I think that the transition from Clementine to AJ is done well, though I agree that when you’re in that emotional “fuck Clementine is dying” state, it’s hard to enjoy it, y’know? It’s much easier on replay when you know Clem’s gonna be fine and you can focus on the AJ sections themselves. 

But honestly, the last episode is just kind of a mess....

I know that when it was coming to Clementine getting bit and just this whole story in general, they forced a lot of parallels with Lee.... which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but when you go as far they did over the course of the season, it can come off like they aren’t confident in their abilities to create this story on their own so they have to rely on everyone’s love of S1 by drawing parallels and that’s not great. 

I get it’s fun for us to put screenshots side by side and point like “look it’s like S1! isn’t that neat?” 

In the end that kinda fucked over the ending. I don’t have a problem with Clementine getting bit as the season’s final big thing, or her surviving the bite. However, I agree that not showing anything until she magically shows up all like “What’cha doin’ goofball??” is an easy cop-out. 

They knew that by doing that, they didn’t have to go into the complexities of the characters reacting, especially AJ, Louis, and Violet, or show anything about her recovery process but they would still get that emotional reaction out of the player, y’know? 

Though I’m sure if you asked anyone working on the episode why they didn’t show anything, they would blame the budget, time, and the fact that Telltale literally ate shit on its way down and we should be grateful we got a final episode at all.

Which is fair, but those excuses, no matter how true, don’t automatically make the final episode a perfect conclusion. The final episode isn’t exempt from criticism because Kent or Mary or whoever explained something about the behind-the-scenes. 

The final episode is flawed in many ways-

 It’s waaaay too short, it tosses aside most of its interesting cast that it spent all season developing, does nothing with the season’s big baddie Lilly if she’s alive, does nothing with blind Violet and mute Louis, there is no mourning for dead Tenn/Louis/Violet, it gives us a flashback scene that feels shoved into the story rather than being placed in a more natural place, and gives us an ending that, while a happier conclusion to Clementine’s story, falls flat because suddenly everything is okay. 

Many of these things probably could’ve been fixed with a 5th episode, but since the writers were so confident they could tell the story without it, this was the result and I can’t help but wonder if they second guess that confidence or not. Then again, during the commentaries, they talk about how they nailed the final episode so I doubt it. 

It just feels like a missed opportunity. 

You have a cast of characters that I would argue are the most likable group we’ve been in across all four seasons, but they’re tossed aside because there’s no time. I get the main focus is Clementine and AJ and the progress of their relationship, and that’s fine. I love that, but neglecting your supporting cast isn’t great. 

Especially when it comes to Louis and Violet. Whoever you develop a relationship with becomes the story’s tritagonist, meaning they’re the 3rd most important character. Granted, they get more development than the supporting cast if you bond with them.... but I guess fuck the one you didn’t, huh? 

Violet went through hell on the boat [I know this because Clementine had to tell me because the writers suddenly became incompetent and showed literally nothing with Violet’s garbage cell scene] and now she’s mostly blind from the explosion but she’s fine. No lingering resentment for Clementine, no signs of the mental abuse the writers said she went through, no bother to show any recovery or struggle with her not being able to see. Nope, she’s super okay guys. She and Clementine are friends again. It’s almost like she didn’t punch Clem in the face or that Clem didn’t choke her out. 

Because happy ending. 

Oh and Louis? Yeah, he’s fine. It’s almost like he didn’t go through the traumatic experience of having his tongue cut out of his mouth. Sure he doesn’t talk and he’ll never get to sing again, but he’s fine. No recovery time shown, he has no issues eating, no attempts to show how he’s coping without a voice, or how he feels about Clementine because I guess they’re totally cool now. He’s fine. He’ll get over it. 

Because happy ending. 

Oh, and if they’re dead? We get a shot of their grave but like I guess no one really cares that they’re gone because we never got to see anything and they’re never really mentioned by Clementine or any of the others aside from Tenn and AJ so I guess we’re not supposed to care the 3rd most important character much either. 

Because happy ending. 

So yeah, I could go on and on because no, I don’t believe they nailed the final episode. It’s not terrible, of course, but nailing it would’ve required more time, effort, and the desire to get deeper. So anon, I totally understand where you’re coming from. 

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Strangers (Pt.6)

-------------------------

As usual, Virgil hadnt slept very well, he'd been plagued throughout the night by memories that werent his, and this only worsened when he walked into the living room to see six silver necklaces on the table, each shaped as a different animal.

"JANUS- PATTON-" Virgil stood as far from the table as he could manage, backing against the wall.

"Virgil? What's wrong?-" Patton was the first to speak, rushing to Virgil's side.

"What are- what are those doing here-" Virgil whispered, pointing a shakey hand toward the necklaces.

"Relax Virgil- we're just researching them, you're still wearing the spider necklace are you not?" Janus said as he entered the room.

"I cant take it off. . ." Virgil said softly.

"We'll find a way, eventually, for now we need to research," Patton said, before walking over to the table, followed by Janus. Virgil waited a few seconds before sitting down as well.

"So what do you know so far?" Virgil said, scanning the necklaces.

Aside from the purple-eyed spider around his neck, and the red-eyed wolf Romulus possessed, he counted six other colors on the table in front of him.

A blue-eyed frog, an indigo-eyed unicorn, a yellow-eyed snake, a green-eyed kraken, a pink-eyed dear, and a black-eyed fox.

"Other than the fact that the color schemes bare a frightening resemblance to the color-coded friend group we maintain, not much," said Janus.

"So you brought more potentially cursed necklaces into the house without any idea of their relation to us." Virgil said monotonously.

"Well- we cant be sure all of them are cursed- I mean Roman's the only one acting different-" said Patton.

"That thing isnt Roman. I refuse to associate the two." Virgil growled. Patton flinched slightly and Virgil felt a guilt well up in his chest.

"Well- they all involve specific animals and colors obviously, and Romulus keeps calling me. . . Princess. . . And the girl in my dreams was slated to be royalty last I checked, so. . ." Virgil said, trying not to vomit as the word princess swam in his head in that condescending tone of Romulus'.

"The could be part of a royal court or guard! Virgil you genius!" Patton said excitedly. Virgil blushed slightly and moved to cover his face.

"I think this would be better resolved at the library," said Janus.

After an hour or two of deliberation and subsequent preparation for leaving the house, the trio found themselves huddled up in separate corners of the library.

Which, reflecting back, wasnt the best decision.

"Princess! I didnt see you home last night! I thought you promised you'd be back for dinner. . ." Virgil froze as he heard Romulus speak, he could move or think or breath or talk. All he could do was stare ahead of him and feel the tears running down his face as Romulus pulled him closer, as he felt Romulus' breath on his neck.

"You're breaking my heart again princess, I thought you loved me," Romulus whispered, he didnt sound upset.

"Let's get home, you obviously havent taken your meds," and Romulus was pulling him away from the library. It took several steps and almost reaching the door for Virgil to find his voice.

"How dare you touch me. How dare you try to act as though you missed anything more than a pretty little toy you can mock and stare at to make yourself feel better." That got the libraries attention, and, to Virgil's satisfaction, a frightened expression on Romulus' face. But something in his gut told him he hadnt been the only one speaking those words.

Soon enough Janus and Patton had emerged from their corners of the library, Patton almost toppling from the amount of books he was carrying, and Janus yet again brandishing his cane as though it were a great sword.

"I believe I told you that you werent to approach Virgil again. Was I not clear enough the first time." Janus snarled as he pulled Romulus back by the shirt.

"How many times must I tell you you have no right to keep me from my husband." Romulus snarled back.

"I am no spouse of yours." Virgil said, before storming out of the library.

He wasnt really sure where he was going, only that he was angry and tired of hiding.

And lucky for him, his affinity for shiny objects had managed to lead him to a different kind of bookshop, and a book with eight different colored gems built into the front.

"How much for this?" Virgil said, pointing to the book.

The girl behind the counter turned to look at him, white hair falling over her face.

"$250 and a free visit from the excorcist," she said, eyes slightly wide despite the vague expression of apathy.

Virgil stared for a moment before finally handing over the money. He took the book out of its case, bid the cashier goodbye, and walked away.

Now his only problem was finding a decent place to read.

"Virgil! What are you doing out here!" Virgil heard a call from none other than Remus.

"Reading-" Virgil said, he wasnt necessarily lying in that case.

"Jan! Pat! I found him!" Remus called inside before motioning for Virgil to follow. So Virgil did, and sat between Logan and Patton on the couch.

"What'd you find?" Said Janus, motioning to the book Virgil had placed on the table.

"Call Em and Remy, I think I just found our solution," Virgil said.

"Pat- you have the necklaces right?" He continued. Patton noddes and placed each on the table.

Soon enough they were joined by Emile and Remy, and they could begin to dissect the book itself.

"The Order of Terra, an elite squad originally compromised of six members, later joined by the Prince and Princess of Eirthanas, and disbanded when the Prince betrayed them all for power," Virgil started, tracing over the photo accompanying the description, though he couldnt quite make out the details.

"The leader of the order was Lord Larion Terraval, who's last name gifted the order its official title, Larion took up the unicorn necklace, which gave control of the stars, and the ability to communicate across any barrier," Virgil continued, the rest of the group gave a quick glance in Logan's direction. Which was expected, given the striking resemblance between the two, from deep blue eyes to the slight quirk of their eyebrows, it was almost as if they were twins.

"The second to join was the sister of the Prince, Duchess Remona Octavia, who took up the octopus necklace, granting control of the oceans and all their creatures," the girl shown in this picture had the same red-eyed manic expression as Remus, and even a streak of white through her hair, the only thing missing seemed to be the mustache.

"The third was a local mage, Remington Insolia, who took up the fox necklace, which granted control over sleep and disease," this man was identical to Remy in everything except the gray and white robes.

"The fourth was Jamillan Serpentes, who took up the snake necklace, and gained the abilities of hypnosis," this description was attached to a photo of a gaunt man, who looked much to stuffy to be Janus, but bared an all to familiar resemblance.

"The fifth was Emalei Primrose, a faun who took up the necklace of the deer, and gained the ability to cause mania, as well as psychic capabilities," the faun in the photo had the same pink and white heterochromia as Emile, the same broad smile, and the same curly brown and pink hair, albeit much longer.

"The sixth was Pamela Adbentes, who took up the frog necklace, and a variety of healing abilities," this was connected to a picture of a woman who looked as though she'd quite like to reach through the paper and pinch Virgil's cheek while asking if he wanted homemade cookies, which told him all he needed to know about her similarities to Patton.

Virgil felt his breath hitch as his eyes trailed over the next two entries.

"The Prince, Romulus, was meant to be the last to join, and had attempted to take up the spider necklace, only to be denied, and gifted the wolf necklace, as well as a vast knowledge of potions, poisons, and flattery," Virgil's hand went to his throat, he felt tears in his eyes as they ran over the all to familiar, all be it much less muscular, and much less huggable frame of the real Romulus.

"The final member of the Order of Terra was the most unwilling, Princess Viviana, the true bearer of the spider necklace, enforcer of nightmares, controller of the afterlife, she disappeared mere weeks before the Order of Terra was disbanded," and there she was. The lilac eyes, the long black hair. Nearly identical to the form Virgil had long since left behind.

Virgil had gotten the book to find answers, but now, now all he had was questions.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@lazyboneslover

@lovelivingmydreams

@baka-monarch

@that-peach-anon

@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@pricklyfish777

@the-sad-strawberry

@itsnithbabey

@private-snippers

@0exterc0

@rich-flower-17

@theonetruebeepboop

@mycatshuman

@teamplutoforlife

@melodiread

@meowthefluffy

@frawkeye

@cemmy

@nerosdayinhell

@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

[qis-diamant99]

before 2021 ends,

I want to wrap this up by sharing the things that i went thru this year. so many things happened in just a year. I feel like i’ve grown too, from all the mistakes, from the wrong ppl i met who hurt me, etc. I learn. i learned a lot. Earlier this year, i met someone. who i never thought would give me so much trauma, and pain. Till this day, when i think about it, i got gaslighted and manipulated to the point that it took me months to recover. To convince myself that its never me. Im not the problem. I was finding reasons why did the person have the heart to do tht to me cause i would never do that to him. I still justified what he did at the very beginning bcs i was inlove with him. I was depressed thinking if there’s anything wrong with me that made him do that. Basically, i was used. Taken for granted. He knew all along that he would hurt me at the end, yet, he kept me long enough for his benefit. when he was lonely, sad, thats when he searched for me. But when he didnt know what to do, he was confused, he just throw me away like im some trash. But im glad tht i threw him away too.. When he got back with her, despite telling me shits of how much he got hurt by that girl, he went back to that anyway? Whats the point rlly? I was the one tht told u to fix things with her. & the audacity of you to say “i cant have what i want” when u couldnt “leave her”. In other words, u’re saying tht she’s not wht she wants actually

I’ll never forget tht. I’ll never forget how u let me suffer alone without an apology for the argument, for the last call we had, for all the traumatic words u said to me. I still cant find myself to forgive u for tht. I’ll never forget when u said “u gave me comfort. And she didnt” now i cant even imagine if she knows u said that. I have all the call records of u saying tht in case u think im lying. And i can show tht to her too. Or to everyone if i wanted to. But see how i keep quiet? be grateful. Also, Remember when u gaslighted me with denying that u forgot tht u said u love me? I swear to god. Thats the worst thing someone can ever say. The damage i had to endure after hearing all that tho. U have no idea. Now imagine her even knowing that u said u love some other girl behind her back just easy? lol. When i was moving on from you, thats when i realise every single thing. Every thing was connected. I realised u did me so wrong & i just let it happen? And i even became the better person by apologising for something thts clearly not my fault in the first place. I was so manipulated. Yes, i sent u tht long message. I meant every single word i said there, at that time. Bcs i was so still inlove with u. When i even took my time to go to a quiet bookstore just to talk to you when i was outside with my friends, bcs u were scared of getting covid, i was shaking bcs i was so worried abt you. Wow i cant believe i did all tht to someone who decided to bluntly played me & had no remorse. & u had the audacity to tell me that she was there for you at the end of the day? After talking bad about her to me? After demonising her? And u didnt even tell me earlier? Do u even care about how i felt at the time, at our last call when u said tht? I was so well fooled. I was so so blind. and of course, you ghosting me just shows how much i deserve so much more than that & you def dont deserve me. I shouldve not responded to ur text when u start double texting me and calling me etc at the beginning when i tried to stay away frm you. And i made it clear. I had good intentions all along. My love was pure & but u decided to play around. Never again, i go thru tht. But thank you btw, thank you. Bcs of you, i learned not to settle for less. She can have you all she wants. Until she knows what u did to her of course. But thats not my job to let her know. When the tables have turned, good luck. U better be grateful, that i shut my mouth abt you. U better b counting ur blessings frm now on that i dont tell her anything until now. Just know tht the things u did to me, is such an asshole move. Remember, u dont get to treat people like this and pretend like nothing happened w/o any payback. Enjoy it while it lasts. What goes around comes around. Mark my words.

Happy new year to you. This will be the last time i talk about you or even think abt you or even say your name. For sure, i no longer feel the pain in my heart when i hear ur name. But i still find the things u did was unacceptable bcs i know i dont deserve it. No one deserves it. Im closing the book here, today. Also, Miss sabrina azli deserves to know the truth. I have all the proofs with me. but wtv, till then. Goodbye.

[shaggi]

if i could stop time, i would

info ; eren x reader ; soulmates ; 1.8k

content warning ; end of the world concept, mentions of not really wanting to live lol, gentle angst

Day one. 72 hours until the world ends.

The world is going to shit. I know it is because I can hear the panicked buzz of mothers holding their children close and reassuring them as the news practically burned "we're all going to die" into our heads.

My fingers twitched as they held the dark blue fabric of my jeans. I'm terrified ㅡ as is the rest of the people watching the news ㅡ and it most definitely doesnt help when they plaster a large timer onto the screen counting down our days and hours left on our beloved blue planet.

"We never thought this day would come.. Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached the end of the chapter." The words echoed into the back of my mind. 'The end of the chapter'? I havent even really lived my life? I'm only seventeen.. I barely made it to graduation. I suck in a deep breath, filling my lungs fully before releasing the built up pressure.

Theres a burning sensation on my waterline, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. My hands begin to shake when I think back to all the sleepless nights I spent not enjoying life. I took life for granted ㅡ and now it's going to end in three days. In seventy-two hours, it's all going to go away. That's not enough time to say all the things I didnt have a chance to say.

Wasted opportunities.

Wasted chances that I now no longer have control over.

My legs suddenly feel like spaghetti and walking seems like a foriegn topic to me. I just need to sit down, take a breather.

Who am I kidding. The storm inside me is raging on tonight and my hands have a handful of messy locks.

I catch glimpse of inked red calligraphy spelling out the name 'Eren' that is marked onto the inside of my forearm in small writing just an inch below my wrist. My heart swells with sadness.

The sense of realization settles in, practically telling me to 'let this sink in for a little'. I'm not ever going to get the chance to meet my soulmate. I'll never get the satisfaction of weaving their fingers with mine, to lay on the couch on cold winter nights with blankets drooped over our shoulders. Never get the chance to tell them I love them over and over again, to brush their hair behind their ears, grab them by the smooth skin of theirs and feel the fireworks of pressing my lips against their own.

I wont feel the sweet electricity course through me like people explained would happen when they touched their soulmate for the first time. I've spent seventeen years searching for this perfect person in the happiness of this little town. The universe promised a perfect person, they never promised me to meet them though.

The younger generations were lucky, for they werent born with marks. They werent tied to someone, so they dont have anything to lose other than the fact that they're too young to leave this world.

A crowd begins to pull outside, staring at the sky with both a mix of admiration and fear. The blue sky has begun to turn itself into a peach color. My town's happy vibe has now turned uneasy, scared, unsure.

That day, I walk home slowly when the sky begins to darken, taking the scenery of the autumn leaves disarray upon the concrete sidewalk. If the world is ending in three days, I'm going to make the most of it. Soak it up like a sponge. Do what I should've been doing these past seventeen years and love life for once ㅡ despite all the wrong. Despite the fact that I'll never graduate, and never meet my soulmate. I force myself to disregard the nagging thoughts that tug at my conscious.

I dont think about the fact that I'll never get a chance to buy my first apartment.

I dont think about how I wont be able to wake up every morning to make my significant other breakfast.

And I most certainly dont think about how I'll never be able to take my lovers hand at the alter and say with great pride, "I do."

Day 2. 48 hours until the world ends.

Today, I woke up early. Early enough that the sun still hasn't peaked over the clouds. They say that if you wake up early enough the day takes longer to end.

The aching pain in my chest never seems to cease. I laugh a little bitterly at the calander on the wall, I feel like its mocking me now. A part of me wants to rip the thing to shreds and scream until my throat is raw ㅡ but I said I'd make the best of these last days. So, I push these bitter thoughts from my mind and start up a warm shower.

Seventeen years of not wanting to be alive, and now I only have two days to live until the entire world completely goes to shit. Ironic, isn’t it? Why now am I so angry? The water is warm trickling down my bare body, as my shower thoughts continue treading forward to how I could make life better in less than forty-eight hours.

I walk down a different road today, deciding that routine wasnt necessary when the world is going to end in forty-eight hours. The countdown continues on nearby TVs, the bright white luminous against the dark morning sky.

It makes me feel anxious.

Destruction clouds my mind, but I bite my lip and hold my ground. This situation will not drive me crazy.

The town is a lot quieter than I expected, then again it's only 6 in the morning.

The day carries on just as any other day, the air seems heavier though. It's the night time that brings chaos.

You see, I've been walking around town all day blowing that last little bits of money I have on little things that have no purpose. The sky is the same sunset peach as it was yesterday, only barely hinting at a blue color.

There's a faint noise a few blocks from where I am standing, and at first I chose the ignore it. The yelling got louder and louder until I felt my feet pull like magnets to what was going on.

Chocolate hair, smooth tan skin shining under the soft orange of the sky, handfuls of someones shirt as this mystery man pinned some junky against the rough brick wall. His eyes held a killer glow, practically fuming from the ears. I was going to mind my own business, but then I saw the other strike at the brunette ㅡ and I dont know why, but I stepped in.

A surprise attack, a blow right to the face, maybe a minor bruise on my cheek from when the other decided to attack back ㅡ but soon he left. I turn my gaze back to the brunette who still sits on the floor, palms pressed into the concrete.

"I didnt need your help," he hissed, dusting his hands against the black fabric of his jeans.

"Oh you're welcome for saving your ass, wasnt a problem at all." My hand lifts to my face, pressing onto the bruise and wincing before squatting next to this stranger. "Is it bad? Let me see," The moment my hand makes contact with the others chin I feel the rush of electricity course through me.

Overwhelming is an understatement. Sweet emotions flooded through my mind but I can feel the pounding of fear in my veins, and bittersweet it was. When I retract my hand, I see that he's mirrored the exact expression I have; eyes blown wide, fear in the darks of his pupils.

"Eren..?" trying to keep my voice from cracking seems hard, and it comes out more like a whisper. This situation leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Where the hell has he been for seventeen years? Why is he just now showing up?

Eren immediately sprung to his feet, taking a few steps back with no words to say. I snatched at his left arm, pushing the sweaters sleeve up and over his forearm to see my name inked in blue against his paper skin. "So.. you're my soulmate?" I promise I didnt mean to make it sound disappointed ㅡ but in a way, I guess you could say I was.

So many questions raced through my mind; but the biggest question of all was why? Why now of all times we could've met? Why must I be gifted with the worst luck.

Eren isnt a bad person though, and in the few hours we've spent together I can tell you this; His favorite color is red, he lives with his mother and a girl that his family took in when they were very little - who he loves dearly, he can play guitar very well, he looks absolutely adorable with his hair tied up, and that's only the stuff he's told me within the first hour.

Words cannot express how much I wished we could have more time together, but the bright TV clocks continue to remind me that our time is running out.

"There's nothing more I'd rather do than to spend my last moments with you," Eren whispered, golden flecks in his beautiful ocean eyes. His hand was held in mine as the pained expression washed over his face. Somewhere in the conversation led us to this point of heartbreak. We both explained how we wanted nothing more than to meet earlier in life, but apparently the universe had a different plan.

The idea of parting with Eren now just seemed like a waste, and I'd much rather take my dying last breath next to the one I looked for my entire life. Falling in love is easy when you've got nothing to live for.

The walk back to my house is silent, but it's a comfortable silence, and we never seem to let go of each others hands. The house is quiet and dark when we enter.

The rest of the remaining night we have is spent cuddled under the thick blanket of mine, Eren held me close to his chest as we whisper sweet things that wont mean much in a few hours. Chaste kisses are showered over the male as I remind him of how I never stopped searching for him.

He studied my face, moving a strand of hair behind my ear before placing his palm onto my cheek and rubbing his thumb across the smoothness underneath my eye. I could feel my breath begin to shallow and my heart skip a beat. I loved the way his eyes sparkled under my dim-lit room, the way I could feel his heartbeat pulsing from how close we lay where, how steady his breathing was, and how gentle he caressed me.

Its bittersweet, and I never believed in the after life, but with him - maybe, just maybe, we will meet again in the next life.