#grant chapman deserved better

[writtenicarus]

I was simply interested in hearing your thoughts about the fic :D not the biggest fan of it myself

- it's shit.

- it's old. ive been in this fandom for years (actual years, not "i joined in late 2021" years. like ive been in this fandom since white, homophobic james and when jegulus shippers such as myself would receive DEATH THREATS on twitter), and i prefer it SO MUCH now the old characteristics of each character are awful

- the treatment of remus/mary and their sexuality both physically and their identity is fucking disgusting. i do NOT care when it was set, there's no need for it

- i liked out of the blue, grant's sequel, better than the entire fic

- literally everyone is annoying

- it was so overhyped and the fans are so embarrassing and annoying, if i hear one more american make a voice over on tiktok for aNyThIng fOr mY mOoNy I'm going to curb stomp myself. it's not hot or cute it's so cringey

- some people treat it as canon which is annoying as shit

- people shame others for not reading it

- it's literally just BORING

- glamorises addiction and drug dealing, especially with remus, and as someone from the east end and where remus is stereotyped to have grown up it's borderline classist and offensive

- james was insufferable

- remus was so awful to grant. i do not give a single fuck? oh and be real remus lupin would have not left him idk why wolfstar's return was necessary it was awful anyways

I just have an unshakable hate for it.

[lookingforsneha]

Grant Chapman is so "all my love" by Noah Kahan

[hawaiianshirttaco64]

You know when you think about Grant Chapman and you suddenly want to scream until you can't talk because:

'Its breaking my heart to stay'

[fog-kid]

I love that cute guy people have fancasted for Grant, I really do, but I recently saw a Skins edit and the sight of Cook has opened a whole new world to me.

like I'm sorry but look at him

I'm being so serious this man just fits

not to mention the unrequited love with Effy, that's a whole bonus. they both went through the "I love you more than anything even though I know you're in love with another dude" relationship.

this isn't really a fancast it's just my way of saying both these characters have my entire heart and are the same in different fonts

[marlenes-leatherjacket13]

Okay but if the great war is about katniss and peeta then august is clearly about grant chapman

[nikialexx]

grant from atyd is actually so much better than me because had i given 12 of my best years to someone only for them to up-and-leave me the second the person they dated when they were a teenager came back into the picture. idk. i would have burned that entire flat to the ground with everyone still inside of it idk

[atyd1960]

Marauders era characters and ships as SOUR songs with little to no explanation cause I’m not at all concerningly obsessed w Olivia!!

Brutal as Peter

- I already said on multiple occasions that I think Peter would be Olivia’s n.1 fan

- I’m so insecure I think, that I’ll die before I drink

- I don’t stick up for myself, I’m anxious and nothing can help

- All I did was try my best, this the kinda thanks I get?

Traitor as Crystalflower/Azkaban Wolfstar

- continuing with the Peter is an OR fan narrative thanks to @rmoony01 hehe

- Brown guilty eyes and little white lies

- Loved you at your worst, but that didn’t matter

- Ain’t it funny, all the twisted games, all the questions you used to avoid?

- God I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.

Driver’s License as post break-up Jegulus (Regulus’ PoV)

- You’re probably with that blonde (redhead) girl who always made me doubt, she’s so much older than me, she’s everything I’m insecure about

- You said forever, now I drive alone past your street

- Today I drove through the suburbs, and pictured I was driving home to you

- Can’t drive past the places we used to go to, cause I still fucking love you, babe!

- I kinda wanna quote every single line but I’ll stop here:(

1 Step Forward, 3 Steps Back as 5th year ATYD Wolfstar (specific I know)

- You got me fucked up in the head boy, never doubted myself so much

- Am I pretty am I fun boy? I hate that I give you power over that kinda stuff

- I’d leave you but the rollercoaster’s all I ever had

Good 4 u as Post breakup Marylily (Mary’s PoV)

[They broke up even tho they were in love bc Mary had a lot of internalised homophobia&religious trauma that Lily didn’t really know how to handle]

- Well good for you I guess you moved on really easily, you found a new girl (guy) and it only took a couple weeks

- Now you can be a better man (girl) for your brand new girl (man)

- G4U, you look happy and healthy- not me! If you ever cared to ask

- Remember when you swore to God I was the only person who ever got you? Well screw that! And screw you!

Enough For You as Grant

- I don’t usually talk about Grant but like… my boy just wanted Remus to love him the way he always loved Remus and meanwhile Remus was 2 busy being traumatized by his ex and it makes me so sad

- I wore makeup when we dated cause I thought you’d like me more if I looked like the other prom queens I know that you loved before

- Tried so hard to be everything that you liked, just for you to say you’re not the compliment type

- I knew how you took your coffee and your favorite songs by heart

- I read all of your self help books so you’d think that I was smart

- But don’t tell me you’re sorry, boy, feel sorry for yourself, cause someday I’ll be everything to somebody else

[gonna go cry now xoxoxo]

Jealousy, Jealousy as Marlene

- I kinda wanna throw my phone across the room, cause all I see are girls too good to be true

- I know their beauty’s not my lack, but it feels like that weight is on my back, and I can’t let it go

- I’m so sick of myself

- I see everyone getting all the things I want and I’m happy for them but then again I’m not

- Got a pretty face, a pretty boyfriend too, I wanna be you so bad

Favorite Crime as post prank Wolfstar

- Doe eyed as you buried me, one heart broke, four hands bloody

- The things I did just so I could call you mine, the things you did… well I hope I was your favorite crime

- I crossed my heart as you crossed the line

- everything we broke and all the trouble that we made, but I say that I hate you with a smile on my face

Hope ur ok as all the Marauders!

- Nothing’s forever, nothing’s as good as it seems

- When the clouds won’t iron out and the monsters creep into your house and every door is hard to close… well, I hope you know how proud I am you were created with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred, but, god, I hope that you’re happier today- cause I love you, and I hope that you’re ok.

[jamessluttythighs]

If the “Grant Chapman deserved better” club has no more followers it means I’m dead

[imsiriuslyreading]

(some of) my top favourite wolfstar fics

Alright listen. This list is subject to change (by change i mean grow). I've already forgotten to add about 7 that I can think of, but in the meantime. here are some of my absolute favourite wolfstar fanfics ever in life. ENJOY, if you ever wanna chat about them hit me up because I live for this sh*t.

Okay i'm gonna do a part 2 aslkdjalskdjalskdjalkdjs there's too many

All The Young Dudes, mskingbean89 https://archiveofourown.org/works/10057010/chapters/22409387M: THE FIC OF ALL FICS. This is possibly the best thing I've ever read. Grant Chapman is the love of my life I shant hear a word against him.

Blends, rvltn909 https://archiveofourown.org/works/7869079?view_full_work=true M: The banter in this is next level. the dialogue. SIRIUS BLOODY BLACK. This is why my relationship ended i swear to god, if it's not this i don't wannit

Sweater Weather, lumosinlove https://archiveofourown.org/works/20750912?view_full_work=true E: The ultimate comfort reread. I adore the side characters in this, James potter is SENSATIONAL. I love love love it. OH THERES SO MUCH FRENCH

Dear Your Holiness, mollymarymarie https://archiveofourown.org/works/35105491?view_full_work=true E: FATHER BLOODY LUPIN I AM ON MY KN..nvm. Anyway. The texting? the tension? oh holy god forgive me for the sins i have sinned

The Cadence of Part Time Poets, Motswolo https://archiveofourown.org/works/30652973/chapters/7562717M: I cannot tell you how much i love this. the writing is sensational, the characterisations, the OC's. I am so BESOTTED WITH THIS STORY. its such ATYD vibes but muggle. I haven't even finished and its gone straight to my top 3 ever in life

Honey if I'm not, BrigidFaye https://archiveofourown.org/works/35165827/chapters/87616873M: Part 1 - REMUS POV It's so beautiful. its the healing we all deserve, the healing THEY DESERVE. in my head? canon. I am forever besotted.

If You're Gonna, BrigidFaye https://archiveofourown.org/works/40008948/chapters/100193058 M: Part 2 - SIRIUS POV. This one might even be better than part 1. sirius pov is stunning. plus a lil spicy spice. Its just such a gorgeous read.

Currents, lunchbucket https://archiveofourown.org/works/19109890?view_full_work=true E: Olympic swimmers? golden boy remus? THE DOG? HOZIERRRR? Yes

Liebestrum, lunchbucket https://archiveofourown.org/works/19891189?view_full_work=true E: The most beautifully written love story. It's stunning from start to finish. I want to climb sirius black.

The Road Not Taken, mollymarymarie https://archiveofourown.org/works/32734837?view_full_work=true#main E: Such a good comfort read; 2nd chances, private concerts and lusty chocolates.

Ever Thus, WrappedUp https://archiveofourown.org/works/22331551?view_full_work=true E: I adore this. Their connection is beautiful. So blooooody well written. The love and care within this are just next level.

Just What the doctor ordered, WrappedUp https://archiveofourown.org/works/26677921?view_full_work=true E: This is soooo witty! I adored it. Sirius inner monologue is bloooody hilarious, honest and RAW. adore this one.

wading in waist-high water, colgatebluemintygel https://archiveofourown.org/works/36896740?view_full_work=true E: This is so sweet! Utterly a delicious read. Basically no angst, just happy vibes.

10 Reasons to go to Michigan, greyeyedmonster18 https://archiveofourown.org/works/35820094/chapters/89320903 M: The most lovely Sirius. Him & Harry dynamic is perfect. Teenage hilarious Harry. Grumpy Remus. Artsy Sirius

Not another band AU, thelovelyzee https://archiveofourown.org/works/34565698?view_full_work=true E: I LOVE THIS. The playlist is UNREAL. It was SUCH A JOURNEY. I never wanted it to end. Bought so many concert tickets after this.

A Black Mass Over Highway Ninety, Greenvlvetcouch https://archiveofourown.org/works/43038561/chapters/108147531 E: This changed my life. THIS CHANGED MY LIFE. the playlist. the love. the friendship. the side jily. the SMUT. oh my god. the most gorgeously written masterpiece i've CLAPPED EYES ON. i want to inject it into my EYEBALLS.

Solntse, lumosinlove https://archiveofourown.org/works/17186087?view_full_work=true E: Okay. it's giving pretty woman. but like, in a good way, i promise. the best way. like i adore sirius in this so much. so so so so much. its a beautiful little story - look out for the pet names muahahaha

[grant-chapman-deserved-better]

grant chapman deserved better

[kaydincenerd]

GRANT CHAPMAN DESERVED BETTER

that’s all thank you ☺️

[violetthistle1]

If you don't want to read the last paragraph of my wolfstar fic before you read the actual fic, don't read below the line! Otherwise, enjoy the Grant Chapman and Sirius Black banter!

“Doesn’t change the fact that you're an absolute idiot for leaving him.” Sirius couldn’t help saying it. 

“Don’t I fucking know it. Biggest mistake of my life.” They both laughed. Eventually, Grant grew more serious. “No. Honestly, I—I loved him. I would have done anything to make it work. But at the end of the day, his heart was always yours, even when he thought you were a traitor. It nearly killed him, but he couldn’t ever get over you. I tried. I tried to help him, to love him, to make him find a way out. Eventually, I realized that by being there, I was actually hurting him more than helping. He couldn’t love me, and we both knew it, and the more I tried to hold onto him the more the pieces just broke even more. I had to leave him. It wasn’t even for me, I would've taken any bit of him I could get, but I had to leave him before there wasn’t anything of him left. It was better when we went back to being just friends. It’s what we were meant to be. Just like you two were meant to love each other.” 

“Grant, I don’t know what to say—”

“I’m not finished.” Grant went on, his voice dropping to a whisper as he took a step towards Sirius. “I meant what I said, I’m not gonna stand in your way, but if you break his heart again, I don’t care that you can do magic, you’ll wish you were still in prison when I’m done with you.” 

“Grant, if I ever break his heart again, I’d let you do whatever you want to me, and I’d deserve it.” Sirius sighed. “One of these days we’ll make it through a day together without it devolving into insults and threats.” 

Grant took a step back and gave a small smile. “Maybe next time.” He nodded once and led the way back to join Remus and the rest of the party in the sitting room. 

****

Dignity be Damned, Bonus Epilogue, excerpt 8

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50555698/chapters/127712305

[hawaiianshirttaco64]

SAY IT WITH ME Y'ALL

GRANT CHAPMAN DESERVED BETTER

I DIDN'T READ ALL THAT FOR HIM TO LEAVE

I AM HEARTBROKEN

I WILL NEVER RECOVER

AND I WILL CRY OVER DEAD GAY WIZARDS FROM THE 70's GOD DAMNIT

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Happy Birthday Grant Chapman! :

Grant knew he didn't deserve love. He had seen real love once. He didn't remember how old he was, he was probably little. He didn't know where was this. And he certainly didn't remember the faces of the lovers. There were a boy and a girl discussing about something on the street. Grant didn't recall what they were saying but they spoke, yelled, cried. But then Grant remembered that before the girl left, the boy stopped her. He screamed 'I love you' many times. The way they kissed, they way they cried into each other's shoulders. The way they looked at each other. The way he grabbed her face it was from out of this world.

Grant knew he would never have that kind of love. For starters because he was queer and queer folks didn't get that. And second of all he was nothing. Not even his parents wanted him. Margot, the woman who raised him, didn't want him. Who would? Who would genuinely love this piece of nothing?

Grant didn't have beauty. Grant didn't have money. He didn't have a great personality. He spoke funny and he was full of shit. He didn't even have proper clothes.

So Grant accepted meaningless sex and encounters with different men. The minute the moment of passion was over, they left. Maybe they called him for a rebound. Because perhaps Grant was good on the shag and that was all.

Grant didn't mind. Love wasn't for him. He didn't deserve it. Grant thought lots of shitty people didn't deserve it. Like Fen and the lads.

Remus was very of the few people who deserved love. Remus was Grant's best friend. Grant could tell anything to that little kid. He always put that face of surprise. He was constantly smiling with Grant's shit. Remus was the only one that actually gave a damn about Grant. It surprised Grant everytime. Why did he care so much? Nobody had.

But Grant never saw Remus as more than a friend. It wasn't until that summer.

After Remus left for his posh school, Fen was restless. He didn't like that Remus just disappeared.

"I was getting used to that little lad..." he said "I can't believe you don't know where your little boyfriend is..."

Grant couldn't tell him where Remus was. Fen would want to take advantage of it. Make Remus steal from the posh kids. So he pretended he didn't know.

"I don't think I'll ever see 'im again" he shrugged.

But Remus was back that summer. And the first time Grant saw him, his heart did something funny. And he felt something moving on his tummy. Little Remus had grown. He looked more and more like a man. His hair was shorter and messier, with lots of curls. He was better dressed. He smelled nice. His voice was deeper. Something Grant had been noticed on the phone but it sounded so much different in person. Grant felt attracted to his best friend. He even swallowed.

"Grant..."

Grant's started beating faster when Remus smiled like that. Bloody hell what was wrong with him?

Grant didn't smile.

"Wha'chu doing here?" he asked.

Remus' smile dropped.

"I came to see you..."

Grant shook his head.

"You shouldn't have... I..."

"Guess who is back from the death, eh lads?" Fen said from behind "Our little, not so little Remus..." he put an arm around Grant's shoulder.

Grant was scared Fen would do something to Remus. That he would drag him back to his layer. Grant used to adore and admire Fen. But lately, he had been realizing Remus was better without him, without them. Grant had been lying and hiding to protect Remus from Fen.

"Where the fuck were you?"

Remus crossed eyes with Grant. And Grant begged him not to spill out the truth.

"My dad sent me to another school..." Remus answered "As shitty as the last one"

Remus' return was rather odd for the gang. The rest of the lads accepted Remus back. But Fen was no stupid. He suspected something.

"I thought you would be glad to see me" Remus told Grant later that night.

They decided to go to some parking lot and drink in celebration for Remus' return.

Grant had been trying to drown his worry and the new feelings he had for Remus with alcohol. Like he always did.

"I am happy to see you, sweetheart"

Fen and the lads were doing stupid drinking games. They were probably doing some drugs. They were nasty people.

Remus nodded and hugged his knees. Grant wanted to hug him. Grant wanted to warm his body with kisses and touches... God! He shook that thought away. This was Remus. Not some random hot lad.

"I am sorry, love" Grant said "I'm just worried that Fen would find out about you posh school and your posh friends..."

Remus shrugged "They are not really my friends... You guys are... This place, the gang is more familiar for me..." he sighed "Perhaps I should stay here with you and don't come back to school..."

Grant turned to him.

"Are you joking?" he raised his voice because he was angry.

Grant was almost nineteen now. He met Remus in the same shitty school. But Grant never graduated. He failed his exams. He was stupid like that. But Remus was the intelligent one. He got into that posh school with a scholarship. Remus was so amazing he could get into Uni and find nice decent jobs. Something none of the lads could.

Remus looked down embarrassed.

"What happened, love?" Grant asked.

Remus sighed.

"I kissed Sirius... And he bloody detested it"

Remus cried. And Grant hugged him. It wasn't silly because Sirius wasn't simply Remus' crush. He was properly in love with him. He had been for a long time. The way he used to see his pictures on Facebook. The way he spoke about him.

So Grant heard as Remus told him about the kiss. Remus wasn't sure if he had misread the signs. But sometimes Sirius made him feel special. And Sirius flirted with him. And Sirius looked at him in a particular way. Remus thought Sirius could feel the same. He let himself go. But after the kiss, Sirius panicked and was disgusted. And everything was wrong and awkward between them.

"You should've seen his face" Remus sighed "He was disgusted of me"

"I don't see it as lost cause" Grant smiled

"Oh it is very lost" Remus shook his head "I've ruined our friendship"

"Maybe he is just panicking for kissing a bloke for the first time.... I've had a few of those..."

Remus snorted.

"He is the straightest person I know.."

"Remus..." Grant swallowed "Don't ya dare leave that school only for Sirius... Yeah know? You didn't go there only for him, did you?"

"One of the main reasons was him"

"Well... You've made other friends... You've learned lots of things..." Grant smirked "Probably that brain of yours is getting bigger..."

Grant rubbed his hair. Remus laughed. Grant felt something warm on his chest with that sound.

"I am not the best of my class" Remus smiled "That's definitely Lily"

"Yeh deserve better than this, sweetheart" Grant said after a while "Yeh deserve better than Fen"

Remus looked curiously at him.

"Has he done something to you?"

Grant faked a smile. He was good at that.

"Nah... Fen is a twat. But he is good with meh"

Fen had become nastier and nastier. Sometimes Grant felt disgusted with all the stealing and the businesses. And selling drugs to posh kids that looked so lost. But Grant didn't know better. He would always be trapped.

Remus didn't look convinced. He had admired Fen once. But perhaps he had seen how nasty he was.

"I missed you so much" Remus said "You have no idea how much"

Grant felt like he couldn't breath for a second.

"Me too, sweetheart" he said "Me too"

For the rest of the night, they drank more. And they laughed more. With alcohol in his system, Grant stopped worrying. He had the lads and he had Remus. Just like before. Back when all of them were a weird family.

Fen took Grant and Remus to his flat after that. He said he wouldn't leave drunk assholes on the street like that. Anyway, Grant had been living there momentarily because he had been kicked out from his own dorm for missing rent. Bullshit.

"The boyfriends wouldn't mind sharing a bed, eh?" Fen told them, putting his arms around them. He was waisted "Mah boys..."

Remus and Grant giggled.

Later, the sounds of Fen banging his new girlfriend kept them awake. Fen was always loud. But the girl was worse.

Grant looked at Remus. And Remus looked at him. They laughed in the dark.

"Ar'ya drunk, love?"

"Tipsy. You?"

Grant sneered "You sound so posh now"

"Shut up" Remus hit his arm playfully.

Grant giggled.

"Yer dad isn't gonna be worried?"

Remus was silent for a second.

"He only cares about his new wife and his new daughter now... Sandra is expecting"

"Blimey!"

"Yeah"

Grant was restless. He was sweating. And the moans on the next room made him kind of horny. Remus was lying next to him. And Grant could feel the heat emanating from him.

Grant turned to face Remus. Remus did the same. They looked at each other for a second.

"If Sirius doesn't want'cha, he is a total twat, love"

Remus smiled at that. Then he shook his head.

"I've wanted him for so long... I've fantizised about how our first kiss would go..." he chuckled "But perhaps things doesn't go the way I want"

Grant giggled because he was starting to get nervous and that was stupid. Because this was Remus. Grant didn't get nervous in front of the boys he shagged. This was silly.

Remus smiled.

"What?" he asked "What is it?"

Grant scooped a little closer.

"I'm glad yer ma best friend, sweetheart"

Remus scooped closer as well.

"I am glad you are my best friend too"

Grant leaned in. Remus closed his eyes.

Grant kissed Remus before. Back when they met. It had been a silly friendly kiss because Remus had never kissed anyone and Grant thought that was adorable. But right now it was different. Grant actually wanted Remus so badly, that when Remus opened his mouth for him, it gave him a shot of pleasure.

They shared a long passionate kiss. When they broke apart, they both laughed. And Grant was glad. He didn't want to mess things with Remus. They were friends. Best friends. And Grant didn't fall in love. And Remus was in love with someone else.

They kissed again. And again. And again. Just because they could.

They snogged for the rest of the summer. The best weeks for Grant. Sadly trying not to think about the day Remus would go back to school.

But that day came sooner. As Remus left to his mate's house because something happened with Sirius. And Remus ran after him. Of course he did. They were mates after all.

In the fall, Grant missed Remus like hell. Confused about what he was feeling for his best friend.

Until he received the call.

"Sirius and I kissed... Kind of snogged last night..." Remus had said "I think he feels the same for me?"

Remus sounded so happy when he told Grant everything about him and Sirius. Their tiny love story. So Grant was obviously happy for his friend. The boy he had loved for so long, finally loved him back.

Grant didn't see Remus again until now. Grant had had a fight with Fen and the others. It all had become nasty. They bit the shit out of him. And then Grant had wanted to drown his problems again with alcohol.

Grant never intended to call Remus or worry him. But his drunk self hadn't care about that. He had wanted to hear his voice.

Grant didn't expect for him to pop up and never with Sirius. But here they were. And they the way they were looking at each other, the way they were talking, it reminded Grant of that couple from years ago.

For a moment he doubted it. He thought or maybe wished Sirius was just another asshole that would break Remus' heart. But Grant was wrong.

Sirius and Remus were two people so perfect for each other and so in love with each other that it hurt.

When they finally shared a kiss, Grant looked away. And he kept smoking.

It was okay. Grant wasn't meant for love. He didn't deserve it. Remus did. And God he fitted so much better with his prince charming. He was handsome, rich and perfect. He could make Remus happy. Grant was sure of that.

So Grant smiled. Because he was happy for his best friend. He deserved to be happy.

[t-he-baker05]

August Slipped Away

summary: Grant Chapman slowly realizes he’s always been the second option and makes a decision that affects both him and Remus. 

warnings: minor atyd spoilers, angst, like possibly one swear word, possible bad writing on my part

AN: please forgive me if the writing makes no sense; i literally just had an idea for writing grant based on ‘august’ and wrote this in probably 20 minutes 😅

“will you call when you’re back at school?” he asked remus hesitantly.

“of course” remus had instantly replied.

grant had smiled and kissed remus on the cheek softly.

and soon august turned to september and remus left.

that was the start of grant finding himself in the same telephone booth as often as he could,

laughing with remus as he listened to him talk about his friends and the “adventures” he had been up to.

while he was happy for remus, he missed him. a lot.

when he wasn’t on the phone with remus, grant often could see them lost in the memory, replaying moments in his head.

grant often found that august slipped away into a moment of time,

and while he was sitting missing remus,

remus was busy with other things and couldn’t be too preoccupied.

grant hated it. and he hated that he hated it.

as time went on, he slowly became more and more aware that he was not remus’ true love.

sirius black was.

grant was the second choice,

and he found that he wasn’t fazed by the realization. 

because deep down he always knew. 

remus was never his. 

and so the next time he saw remus in person, making two cups of tea for them,

he mentioned it.

remus played it off, 

but grant knew.

so when remus had asked him what he was talking about, grant had replied with

“you know what i’m talking about, you belong with sirius.” 

it was as simple as that.

but remus refused to give in, begging grant and pleading with him that it was not the case.

“grant i… i don’t know what to say…”

that was all he needed to confirm his thoughts.

“fuck remus, wanting was enough. for ME it was enough!” he finally let out.

grant sighed, running his hands through his hair.

“i’m sorry… you don’t deserve this” remus murmured weakly.

“so much for summer love and saying ‘us’” grant chuckled, trying to desde the tension. 

he stood with his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his feet.

the tea was long forgotten as remus stood as well.

“i want to be yours” remus stated, but it was as if he needed convincing himself.

“that’s the thing- you weren’t ever mine, you weren’t mine to lose”

remus stayed silent.

“do you remember? remember when i pulled up and said ‘get in the car’? and then cancelled my plans just in case you’d call?” grant continued.

remus looked at him, guilty, because no. he didn’t realize grant had been so eagerly waiting for his phone calls that he’d even cancelled plans.

remus finally spoke “that was back when i was living for the hope of it all…”

“but you were living your life without me” grant stated.

“i’ve got a job opportunity in brighton” he said before he could talk himself out of it. 

remus looked up, shocked, “but we live in london”

“remus…” 

“you’re just up and leaving me for a job?” remus was about to start shouting.

“come on, you know it’s about more than that” grant looked at him. 

“you cant do that!!” remus felt sick and indignant.

“i’m making things easier for you, i’ve always tried to do that havent i?” grant told him softly.

after some ‘i love you’s and grants full confirmation of his decision, remus wanted to fall to his knees and wail.

“you’ll break my heart if you go now” remus sulked. 

grant shook his head lightly and simply looked remus in the eye and stated “i’m sorry, love. but it’s breaking my heart to stay”

remus understood, and didn’t try to sway him any more, as grant had already made up his mind.

“you’ve been my little bit of magic” grant smiled at remus, the last thing he ever said to him.

as grant left remus in the kitchen with the two cups of tea still sitting untouched, the two men had the same six words repeating like a motto in their heads: “for the hope of it all…. for the hope of it all… for the hope…”

[themarauderssocialistutopia]

ok you’ve heard of August for Grant & Remus now get ready for

Astronomy by Conan Gray. At first glace you might see Sirius and him, but the author makes plenty of comparisons with Grant and the Sun. Therefore it makes it The Sun/ The Moon/The Stars parallel.   

Now the  first verse is

“We drive through the woods, rich neighborhoods to watch We joked as we looked that they were too good for us 'Cause socially speaking, we were the same With runaway fathers and mothers who drank A tale old as time, young love don't last for life”

Both of them come from unfunded, messed up boys home where they’re frowned upon by society and conditioned to be delinquents. Both are gay in the the 70′s. Both had fucked up family who tossed them aside. 

“We've traveled the seas, we've ridden the stars We've seen everything from Saturn to Mars As much as it seems like you own my heart It's astronomy, we're two worlds apart”

No matter how much they love one another, how much they compliment each other, it’s not meant to be. They’re two worlds apart. That can be taken multiple ways. Muggle and wizard. Grief and longing. The list goes on. 

The sun and moon come back into it.  I can make a whole other post on this, really. There’s always something separating them despite how much they compliment. The stars, however, are always with the moon, even if they’re blinded by the sun’s light. And despite needing the sun to make it shine, the moon is always with the stars despite how far they are and the sun being right there.

From far away, I wish I'd stayed with you But here, face to face, a stranger that I once knew I thought, if I wanted, I'd fall back in love You said, "Distance brings fondness", but guess not with us The only mistake that we didn't make was run

This is Remus wondering how Sirius could have betrayed him and getting back with Grant. (”Like magnets, you and me. I always snap back together.”) It’s him wishing how he could have ever been so stupid, how he should be with Grant. And then Sirius coming back; “but guess not with us”. Remus can’t bring himself to feel the same about Sirius he once did, but reminiscent of past feelings he can’t shake. It’s hard to get back to where they were. And a part of him doesn’t even want that because of Grant.

Grant wishes he’d run with Remus to save him from everything. The hurt, the betrayal, the trauma from war. And it was the only thing they hadn’t done.

Stop trying to keep us alive You're pointing at stars in the sky that already died Stop trying to keep us alive You can't force the stars to align when they've already died Oh, we've died, ooh-oh-oh

Oh boy,,,,,, do I really have to explain this one? 

Grant’s pain over knowing Sirius is Remus’ one truly meant for him despite after everything. He longs for the man who destroyed him in a single blow. Still, he helps Remus get over the events of That Night. 

“Stop trying to keep up alive” = “Sorry Love, but it’s killing me stay.”