#gracie abrams i’m under your bed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

navia3000 · 6 months ago

Text

i m i s s y o u , i ’ m s o r r y

Includes : Aaron Hotchner

Genre : Angst?

Warnings : Mentions of hospitals, stitches, bombs, injuries, naked people, cursing, not proof read

Based on : I Miss You, I’m Sorry by Gracie Abrams

Part one Part two

Her head was pounding as though she had woken up with a nasty hangover -wait, no, that’s not it. Her head was pounding as if she was hit by a truck, curb stomped, and then beat repeatedly with a bat. Yes, that’s a better description.

Hushed voices come into focus. Her eyes are closed shut. Her throat is parched. Her body hurts all over. Why does her body hurt? Why can’t she remember anything that happened the day before?

She tries to remember. She remembers arguing with Spencer, no, Morgan. She argued with Morgan. She left. She got to the house, then… Nothing. Everything goes black after that.

Her ears try to make out what the voices are saying and who they belong to. Has she been kidnapped by one of the unsubs? No, that’s not possible. She attempts to ground herself. She’s on a bed, she hears beeping, and it is freezing cold. She must be in a hospital.

She pries her eyes open, her vision clearing after a few seconds. Sure enough, she’s in a hospital. She sees Hotch and Emily standing at the door of her bed, speaking in hushed tones with the doctor. She tried to make out the words coming out of Hotch’s mouth, “how… doctor… concussion… bomb…” Bomb.

Upon hearing that word, panic struck her. She began hyperventilating, rushing to pull the needles out of her hand, alerting the doctor and Hotch and Emily of her state of consciousness. They rushed to her, spoke to her, tried to calm her down, but she couldn’t hear them. All she could think of was the bomb she now remembered.

Suddenly, two hands grabbed her face, two brown eyes coming into view. His soft voice calmed her. His gentle touch soothed her shaking body. Her hearing came back, “it’s okay. You’re safe now.” He repeated those words over and over until her breathing regulated.

Exhaustion hit her like a ton of flying bricks, the doctor telling Hotch to give her some space so she could rest. Her eyes closed again.

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

The next time she awoke, nobody was in the room with her. It was dark out, and the lights were off, so, she assumed it was well past midnight. Her head hurt less than before, but her body was still sore. She took the time to examine the bruises and stitches and gashes that littered her body under her hospital gown. How she survived, she didn’t know.

A knock at the door startled her. Hotch stood leaning against the doorframe, coffee cup in hand. “Hi,” he gave her a smile. He sat on the chair next to her bed, facing her directly.

Her throat was dry and scratchy, and he seemingly knew this, offering her a glass of cold water. A few minutes went by before she spoke, “what happened?”

She watched as Hotch took a sharp breath. “We got a call that a federal agent had been injured in a bombing. When we got there, the house was practically gone, and you were lying a couple feet away from it. You’re lucky you left the house when you did, but, you still got pretty hurt. You have a concussion, one broken rib, and a bruised lung.” He examined her as she took in all this information.

“How long has it been?”

“What do you mean?”

“How long was I out for?”

“It’s been three days,” his words made the situation start to sink in. Tears sprung to her eyes as she thought about how she almost died. She should’ve been more careful. “God, Y/N, what were you thinking?” It was as if a switch was flipped in him, his usual calm demeanor being replaced by one of sadness and despair. “Why would you go over there by yourself? You should’ve told one of us, or one of your teammates.”

She became angry upon hearing him scold her. “I didn’t have much choice, Hotch. It’s not like I could’ve gone to any of you guys. You hate me, all of you hate me.” He shook his head.

“The team doesn’t hate you.”

“Really? Cause it sure feels like you do. I know I made some mistakes, damn it, but, I’ve tried to apologize, I’ve tried to fix it and you won’t let me!” Her head pounded as she yelled at Hotch, but the emotions took over her.

“They don’t hate you, they are just hurt because of you leaving. They all sat outside in that waiting room while you were in surgery begging God for you to be okay. Morgan and Spencer refused to leave until I ordered them to go get some rest. They have been beating themselves up for everything that’s happened. Morgan blames himself. That’s not hatred, that’s love. And yes, they were wrong for how they treated you, Y/N, but you left a whole in the team after you left that we haven’t been able to fill. They loved you, still love you.” She was speechless. For a while she didn’t know what to say, it was all too much for her.

“What about you?” She whispered, “do you hate me?”

His voice broke as he said, “no. I don’t hate you.”

They spent the rest of the night in silence.

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

She was released from the hospital after a week. The team had come by to see her, apologies on hand and relationships mending. Hotch didn’t want her to be alone, insisting on taking her home and making sure she was alright.

So, now she is stuck in her apartment with Hotch. Not awkward at all.

“Alright, make yourself comfortable if you’d like. I’m going to go shower,” she began walking towards her bathroom, limping throughout most of it until Hotch’s words stopped her in her tracks.

“I’ll help you.”

She thought he must be joking. “What?”

“You can barely walk, I don’t see how you’d be able to get into the shower.” So, he’s serious. When they dated, they never got to the point of seeing each other naked, and the image of him helping her take her clothes off made her blush.

“Where are you going?” She asked as he shook off his suit jacket and walked towards her room.

“To draw you a bath.” He came back a few minutes later, and basically manhandled her, lifting her arm onto his shoulders and allowing her to use him as a crutch. They made it to her bathroom, where she was shocked to find the bath running, epsom salt in the water, and a lit candle. She knew he was drawing her a bath, she just didn’t know he would put in the extra effort to make it more comfortable for her.

He slowly turned her around, silently signaling for her to lift up her arms. At her hesitance, he assured her, “I’m not going to look. I just want to help you.” She silently lifted her arms as much as she could without pulling her stitches, and he made work of taking her shirt off. His touch was gentle as he took off her clothes, as though he was afraid of her breaking from the mere pressure of his fingers. He stuck to his promise, his eyes never drifting anywhere she didn’t want them drifting to. She had to admit, she felt something during that moment. She couldn’t put a name onto what she felt, but the concern in his eyes and the strain in his brow did something to her.

Once he was done, he helped her into the bath. She expected him to leave after that, but he leaned against the counter facing the door, letting her take her time.

After a while, she couldn’t help herself but ask, “why are you doing this, Aaron?” She never used his first name, however, it felt right at that moment.

He didn’t answer at first. In fact, she thought he was going to ignore her or pretend he didn’t know what she meant, but, she knows better than that; she knows Hotch better than that.

“I’m doing this because I care about you.” He finally met her eye. “And because I feel guilty.” This confused her.

“Why? Guilty about what?”

“About everything. About how I ended things with you, and how I was the one who drove you to leave the team.” She was about to speak, but he cut her off, “I don’t regret going back to Haley.” His statement made her break eye contact, the mention of how he left her for someone else bringing the hurt back up. “I don’t regret it because I was able to live with Jack, and see him often. I didn’t have to share him. But, I will admit, what me and Haley once had, died. Even when we got back together, it wasn’t the same. We loved each other, but we weren’t in love. She knew it, and she also knew I was in love with someone else.” Oh my God, she thought. She didn’t know what to say, what to feel, what to think, she didn’t know anything. Her heart was racing, her lungs constricting, her throat bobbing, her hands shaking, and it’s all too much, everything is too much, he is too much. “I was in love with you, Y/N. And I need you to know that.”

All her feelings came rushing back, all her emotions breaking out of their cage and rushing to take over. All she could say was, “You were in love with me?” Her eyes pleaded with him.

“I still am.” And it was as though a bomb went off all over again.

#aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotch fluff #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds masterlist

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sturnstars5 · 25 days ago

Text

i love you, i’m sorry-matt sturniolo

you and matt swore you were done, but are you?

warnings: fluff, swearing, happy ending

*there is a flashback in the story it’s in blue!*

empty. emptiness was what you felt. it had been two weeks since you left the love of your life, matt. you try to tell yourself, “well, it was his fault” or “i’ll be better off without him, it’ll just take time”, but nothing worked. you missed him.

you sat on your couch, something you had been doing more than usual lately, and stared outside through the window. you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything other than overthink. you would replay the moments of you and matt’s breakup argument in your mind, like it was a movie on loop 24/7. and just when you would feel a sliver of joy, the movie would start again, leaving you to drown in self pity.

it was getting late, so you picked yourself up off of the couch and laid down in bed, staring at the ceiling. sleep wasn’t exactly on your side.

it was about 1:30 am, and you were still awake when you heard your front door creak open.

what the fuck?

you sat straight up and froze, paralyzed in fear, not knowing what to to next. normally, matt would take control and go see what was happening, but he wasn’t there. he was gone.

you hear the persons foot steps get louder and louder until you hear them stop right in front of your bedroom door.

the door opened slowly, revealing a puffy eyed, sad looking matt.

he looked awful to say the least, he looked like he hadn’t eaten in days. his face was all swollen, his eyes bloodshot with dark bags under them. his face was glistening with tears, and his nose was runny.

“matt,” you say.

“i know, i should’ve called, im sorry.”

“you almost gave me a heart attack! do you know what time it is?”

“yes, i know, okay? i said im sorry.”

“why are you here matt, i thought we were over.”

“i know that’s what we said, but i cant stop thinking about you, about us.”

“matt,”

“i know, y/n, i know what i did was wrong. going to that party was a whole wrong decision in itself. but i still love you, y/n.”

“but matt, you pinky swore you wouldn’t cheat, and you broke it! how am i supposed to trust you now?”

“i don’t know, i just hope you can find it in your heart to give me one more chance.”

you think back to the night you found out about the party…

1:00 am, 2:15 am, 3:40 am, matt still wasn’t home. he said he was filming with his brothers, and you believed him. you called him, and he didn’t answer,m. you then called nick and chris, and they didn’t answer either. you give up, just telling yourself that their phones died, and you go scroll on instagram in your bed. nick posted a picture of himself and chris at a party.

where was matt?

you look harder, only to see matt’s lips pressed against another girl. her hands threading through his soft brown hair. matt was yours, so why was he with her?

matt arrived home, drunk, stumbling lazily into your shared bedroom.

“hey baby.” he says with a smirk.

“don’t call me that, matthew.”

“what the fuck is your deal, y/n?”

“this!” you say, throwing your phone in his face. you’re zoomed in on him and the other girl, matt looking at the photo. even his drunken state cant cover up the guilt and regret in his mind.

“who’s that?” he says, lying.

“that’s you, matt! who else would it be? you know what you did matt, and i know too. i’m not as dumb as you think i am.”

“it was just one kiss, so what? it was a party, and we were needy and drunk.”

“have you lost your fucking mind, matt?

“no i haven’t, but clearly you have, bitch!”

“i’m not gonna be talked to like this by my own boyfriend, so get out.”

“what?”

“i said, get. out. matt. we’re done.”

“come on, don’t you think you’re being overdramatic?”

“get out! now!”

“y/n?” you hear matt say softly.

you snap out of your memory, taking a second to focus back on reality.

“listen, y/n, i’m not asking for you to let your guard down again and take me back, i just guess i want you to know that i love you, and that im sorry.”

matt stares at you, his face full of desperation and vulnerability, and most of all, regret. a single tear rolls down his face, dropping on the floor as it falls off.

“do you promise to be loyal, matt?”

“yes, of course i do. i wont screw it up this time.”

“i’m serious matt, i cant take that again. i cant go through that again.”

“i promise.”

“okay then.”

“so, what now?” matt asks.

“do you wanna, maybe try again?” you ask softly.

“yes. i swear i wont fuck it all up this time.” matt replies.

you and matt hug, and for the first time in a while, you feel genuinely happy and loved.

“i love you, y/n.”

“i love you too matt.”

kind of a rushed fic but wtv!!

#Spotify #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #chris smut #chris sturiolo fanfic #chris x y/n #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #matt stuniolo fanfic #matthew bernard sturniolo #matt x reader #christopher owen sturniolo

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sage-green-matcha · 1 year ago

Note

Hi, doll!

Sorry to disturb you, but I had an idea for a request if that's okay! 💖

So, ethan landry x reader who was involved in the woodsboro massacre in 2022, and moved to nyc as anika's roommate, and ethan had an obsession with her and when they eventually get together, she stays at his and finds a gf mask, knife and costume in his closet, and she confronts him. You can choose the ending!

Sorry if I disturbed you, I love your writing 💗💗

FRIEND - ETHAN LANDRY 🫧

“And I hate the way you love me and I hate that I still care. Funny how you feel like we would ever talk again, how could you think I'd be your friend?” - Gracie Abrams

Content includes: gf!Ethan, Betrayal, angst, Halloween party! Mentions of blood!

A/n: I was listening to this song and realized how well it matched with this request! This is a bit fast paced so I’m sorry! I didn’t want it to be too long 😭🫶

"Anika! What are you wearing to the Halloween party?" Your voice echoed through the walkway of your dorm, Anika peeking out of the bathroom.

"A pumpkin!"

You cringed as you looked at the basic, green cheerleader outfit laid on your bed. You just sighed, slipping the tight green set over your body.

You rarely went to parties, but Chad insisted he had someone he wanted you to meet. He didn't leave you alone until you finally said yes.

And you knew he'd show up at your door with the rando if you didn't show up.

"Is it giving the girl from murder party?" You asked as Anika peeked in your door, watching you apply a bold color to your lips.

"Yeah! Just make yourself a zombie"

As soon as you got to the house everyone went their separate ways. Your lipstick rubbed on the side of your red cup, smooth liquor running down your throat.

"Y/n! Hey!" Tara slipped her arm under you, balancing herself on your body.

"Well, you're fucked" You chuckled under your breath. She just shook her head, readjusting her bandana.

"Is Sam here?" You should've known better than to ask a dumb question like that. Sam would never be caught at a house party, especially not after what happened last year.

"No, never" She poured herself a shot, pulling away from you before she waved, walking away with a smile.

You wandered around the house for a while, mostly trying to find the bathroom to fix your hair.

The air was hot and you could feel yourself start to sweat, getting slightly frustrated as you walked.

You passed through the heavily crowded hallway, your costume getting stuck on someone else's.

"Oh shit, sorry about that"

A pair of hands tugged on the green fabric of your skirt, unsticking it from a sharp piece of cardboard and tape.

"Oh shit, you're Ethan right?"

He smiled at your words, nodding his head.

"Nice costume, Guess we're matching"

"What a coincidence"

But it wasn't a coincidence. Ethan knew what you were gonna dress up as. He had known for days, since the first time you went to the costume store just hours before this. When you were slipping the costume on.

He had been stalking you for weeks. Since the semester started he got closer to Chad just to get closer to you. This was just the first step in a master plan.

"So you two finally met! And you're wearing nerd costumes, great" Chad sighed as he rubbed his temples, hitting Ethan harshly on his back.

"This isn't a nerdy costume" You rolled your eyes as Ethan nodded, smiling to himself while trying to hold in his anger.

Every time he was with Chad it was like a ticking bomb. He was so excited to kill him. To get revenge and to take you away from him. Since Chad definitely had a little something for you.

He tried his best not to show how jealous he was when Chad wrapped his arm around you, dragging you to the kitchen to take shots.

You looked back at Ethan with a small smile, his heart beating faster as he waved at you.

For the next week, it felt like all you did was talk to Ethan. You would call for hours despite only having met him once before.

Ethan was excited, the plan was going better than he could've ever imagined.

The two of you shared a lot of similar interests, sure Ethan knew a lot of them already but he was surprised to see you enjoyed other things he enjoyed as well.

Your relationship slowly started to grow, becoming more than just friends after a while.

"Okay, that's enough" Mindy cringed as Ethan squeezed your waist, his smile pressed up to your neck.

"We might die and you two are basically fucking in front of all of us"

"We never say anything about you and Ani!" You furrowed your eyebrows, Mindy continuously shaking her head.

The night ended and you and Ethan were put on cleaning duty, and since you were such a good girlfriend you decided to clean his room for him.

It was always messy, with snack wrappers and empty water bottles covering his nightstand.

You dragged the trash can Into his room, handfuls of trash into the can.

"God Eth, your rooms a mess" You mumbled under your breath, shaking off his bedsheets.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you spotted a thin black cloth peeking from under his bed.

At first, you thought it was probably just a hoodie or something, but when you pulled it out you were more than wrong.

Your fingertips were stained with fresh blood, wiping it quickly on your jeans. The more you looked underneath the bed the more you found.

You finally screamed when you found a poorly cleaned knife in a ghost face mask, dropping the items in horror.

"Really, Y/n?" He sighed at the sight in front of him, your eyes blurry with tears.

"What is that Ethan? Why do you have that?"

"You weren't supposed to find out Y/n. I'm sorry, I really am"

You were confused at his words, backing up slowly until your body made a small thud against the wall.

"Are you gonna kill me?" Your voice hitched as he went to grab the knife on the ground, his finger gently tracing the blade of the weapon.

"I would literally never hurt you, Y/n. I'm protecting you. And I have been for months now"

His tone was distorted, getting more and more defensive with each step he took towards you.

You couldn't believe this was happening to you again. And the fact that Ethan was the one behind all of it broke your heart.

"It was innocent at first. But you were just so stubborn weren't you? Had to do some more research and find out what you were gonna be for Halloween"

You gulped, knowing the only person who knew your costume was Anika.

"You were stalking me?" You weren't crying anymore, instead you were angry.

You were so tired of the ghost face shit following you everywhere you went.

You showed him your stab wounds, not knowing he was probably gonna try to stab you right there again.

"It was Innocent...Y/n, please. I love you"

Your eyebrows furrowed, a scoff escaping your lips.

"You really think I'm still gonna be with you after this? Ethan, I'm not a criminal. I'm not like you. You were probably gonna kill me next! What is wrong with you? Why are you doing this?"

He gulped, tears forming in his eyes. He needed to cry, it was the only way to make you feel pity towards him.

But he should’ve known that would’ve never worked, especially not with you.

“Are you seriously fucking crying? Ethan, you’re a killer, you killed all those innocent people!”

Your lips quivered as you tried to hold back tears. You couldn’t cry, you needed him to know you weren’t scared. You were, but you only needed him to see your anger.

“That was my dad, it was Detective Bailey”

Your mouth dropped, rubbing your eyes as Ethan sat on the bed, sad while he watched you pacing around the room.

“You’re a fucking psychopath”

“But you love me” His words came out so confidently, your eyes giving him a stern and annoyed look.

But even under all of it Ethan could see the sadness and fear in your eyes, he knew he would get you back eventually. One way or another.

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faiirybread · 8 months ago

Text

the bottom ; liam lawson #40

childhood friends are hard to break off. but when she’s dragging his name through the mud he might have to put his foot down.

inspired by the bottom by gracie abrams

tw!! major alcoholism, you’re an asshole for a good 2/3rds of this

part of the shriveled roses series

yourusername just posted!

night out with the girls got a lil too crazy

liked by liamlawson30, landonorris, and others

user01: oh so they were DRINKING drinking

user02: they’re actually so iconic for that

user03: nothin iconic about alcoholism babes

liamlawson30: i see that promo

yourusername: u know it 🤭🤭

user04: shes just a party girl in a boring world!

yourusername: u know me so well love

user05: it’s so weird how she has alcohol in every post.. just promoting alcoholism at this point

yourusername: girl gtfo, just because i like to drink doesn’t mean im an alcoholic. you know jackshit about me, stop acting like you do, you crusty bitch

user05: i say something about worrying about you and your automatic response is to call me a bitch? reall mature

yourusername: i dont need you to worry about me. im an adult, i can do whatever the hell i want.

user05: well when your posting your life on social media your gonna get judged

yourusername: it’s a post about me going out and partying. i'm an adult who likes to drink. there’s gonna be fucking alcohol you dumb twat.

user06: damn her whole attitude is just bad huh

user07: gonna talk about making out with lando soon?

f1gossip just posted!

BREAKING: LANDO NORRIS AND YN YLN SEEN MAKING OUT AND LEAVING PARTY IN MONACO TOGETHER

user01: liam seeing this like 😧😧

user02: who is she?

user03: liam lawson (redbull reserve driver)‘s childhood best friend. she’s known for partying a lot but lately it s gotten a lot worse 😬

user04: wasn’t she running her mouth about lando a few weeks ago??

user05: wait what spill

user04: a fan came up to her a few weeks ago and asked what she thought of some of the other drivers like lando, and she said he was a shit driver and should retire so liam gets a seat

user05: whattt that's so messed up. Who does she think she is??

You woke up with a headache, wrapped in sheets to your phone going off with a call. With a groan you grabbed your phone and answered it without looking at who it was. “What do you want?” you slurred, and was answered with Liam yelling at you.

“What the fuck is this?? You made out with Lando after saying some shit about him to a fan??”

You groaned, rolling over in bed to find your latest hookup gone. “Liam, it doesn’t matter. I’m fine, ok?”

“That’s not the point! You can’t just say whatever the fuck you want to people who are recording you, and you especially can’t bring me into it!” he ranted, and you could hear him pacing in his house. “Honestly, saying Lando should retire so I get a seat? Are you crazy??”

You sat up, rubbing your head. Hangovers were the worst thing in the world. “God, Liam, just loosen up! It’ll all blow over, ok? Don’t worry. I’ll lay low for a while, stop posting and shit, and they’ll forget about me.”

He answered immediately at that, quick to shoot it down. “No, no! You can’t just sweep it under the rug! This isn’t the first time you’ve done this, and it’s fucking with my career. Helmut’s talked to me about you, and about how you’re screwing up my chances for the Redbull seat.”

“Helmut’s a prick.”

“Maybe, but he’s right!”

“What the hell?!” You couldn’t believe what he was saying! Of all the times to call, the morning after you get shitfaced? You hadn’t even done anything bad. Yeah, you drank a lot. Who cares? You’re an adult, doing adult things.

“It’s the truth! You always get wasted, say some shit to media, and make me look like a fucking jerk! I'm tired of it, ok? It’s like you’re on a mission to fuck up my life! But I can never get mad at you because I’ve known you for forever and my whole family knows you and your whole family knows me and they’d crucify me if I ever made you sad or shit. Because you’re a spoiled brat!”

You sat there shocked at the outburst, opening your mouth to respond but he wasn’t done. A spoiled brat? Since when?!

“Ever since we were kids you’ve had someone like your brother, or your dad, or me to fix everything that you’ve broken. And it’s tiring! I’m not your nanny!”

You stood up at this, frustration turned up to the max. “I’m not asking you to be! I’ve never asked you to do that for me!”

“It’s not about you asking, it’s about you fucking my shit up and leaving it. It's like when you broke that vase at my parents house and didn’t say anything! I had to clean it up. I always have to clean it up. On Thursday I'll probably be asked about your behavior and have to make some answer to clear your name and make me look like I'm not a total prick.”

He stopped, and you could hear him breathing heavily. Shocked, you just gaped at the phone before saying calmly, “You could’ve told me this. Anytime before this you could’ve told me to shut up, to calm down, to do anything.”

“Oh, my, god. Are you fucking stupid?! Did you listen to anything I said?! I shouldn’t have to tell you not to talk to media! I shouldn’t have to tell you not to make out with my competitors! You’re an adult, so fucking act like one! Think a little!”

With that, he disconnected the call, leaving you bewildered, in an empty bed with an aching headache.

yourusername just posted!

mornin after

Liked by landonorris4, user6, and others

user01: girl.. we need a response

user02: no liam like 😮

user03: he probs got tired of her running his name

user04: soo what were you saying about lando being shit??

user05: i am SO here for the yn slander yall dont know how long ive been waiting for this

It was a few hours after the call, when you had taken a shower, had a meal, and worked off your hangover when you decided to call Liam. I mean, if he could yell at you like that then you can too, right? Honestly, him bringing up stuff from your childhood was so uncalled for. That was in the past, so leave it there!

You sat down at your kitchen table with your phone, took a deep breath, and pressed the call button on his contact. It rang once, twice, a third time, then went to his voicemail.

An automated message began playing, and you pressed the button to hang up. What a jerk! You tried to call him again, and again, and again, but each time it went to his voicemail. You got dressed and went outside, deciding to take a walk around town outside.

It had been a few hours before you had decided to call him again, this time with a notepad of all the points you were going to make to prove him wrong. Tapping a pen against the pad, you pressed the call button on your phone, then the speaker button. It rang once, twice, a third time, then went to voicemail. You hung up and tried again. Again, and again, and again until you got a different answer. Your head laying down on your arm, you reached out and tapped the call button again, and it rang once, then went to voicemail.

You sat up. One ring? Did he seriously block you? You tried it again, hoping it was just an error. One ring, then voicemail, over and over and over. What an ass!

yourusername just posted

don’t need your bs

liked by user1, user2, and others

user1 ‘don’t need your bs’ and it’s friends being concerned about her

user2 oh.. another party

user3 is it just me that’s genuinely concerned?

user4 nono me too, liam and lando both stopped liking and she seems like she’s just drinking away

user5 and the answers from liam during the press conference,, like somethings wrong..

liammm🏎️

hey, are you alright?

this isn’t me forgiving you for anything im just worried about you

party animal 🎉

fuskkc off

liammm🏎️

are you at a party rn?

party animal 🎉

art s parlk

jus me amd a borttle

liammm🏎️

love cmon

you can’t keep doing this

party animal 🎉

i kmow

but idk

yiu should get bscl to work

liammm🏎️

send your location please

party animal🎉

you werr rifht

i’ve been using you

im sirry liam

liammm🏎️

love please just send me your location

i want to make sure you get home safe

we can talk more in the morning

party animal 🎉

im sorry liam

*location*

You were sitting on a bench, a bottle of korean soju next to you. It was halfway drained, but when Liam texted you it reminded you of everything that had happened and you couldn’t bear to drink more. Staring out at the playground, bright colors muted in the dark light of the moon, just thinking. About your life, your choices, your family. About Liam. It really wasn’t his fault, everything that happened. He had been right. You did use him as a nanny, badmouthing coworkers and dragging his name through the mud. Even now, he was picking you up in the dead of night because you chose to go out and get drunk by yourself. It wasn’t like there was anyone who wanted to drink with you anymore.

You turned around when you heard your name called, to see Liam jogging over to you. “Are you alright?”

You nodded glumly, looking up at him with tears in your eyes. How could you do this to him? He looked tired, and disappointed. You’d seen that look in your other friends, but in Liam it hurt so much more.

“C’mon, let’s get you home,” he said, reaching for your arms and gently pulling you up. “I’m sorry Liam,” you said, looking at him, slightly dazed. Why were you doing this drunk? Why couldn’t you do this sober? A pit of guilt grew and grew in your stomach as he ignored what you said, grabbing the bottle and beginning to walk you to the car. Of course he ignored it. This wasn’t the first time you said this. But this was the first time you meant it. Or had drunk you said that before? You stopped.

“Liam, I’m serious.”

He sighed and looked back at you. “I know.” Somehow that made it 10 times worse, and with a wobbly lip, you asked, “Have I said that before?” He nodded, then started walking with you again. “Let’s talk more in the morning.” It struck a cord, how quickly he shut it down. All of this had happened before. How did you not remember? How much of your life had you given to alcohol?

Liam helped you into the passenger seat, and started to help you buckle up, but you stopped him. You wanted to prove that tonight was different. “I got it,” you said quietly. He nodded and walked around to the driver’s side, driving you back to your apartment. The whole time, you were racking your brain for other times like this, just a little bit that you could remember. It hurt your head, and when you came up empty the pit in your stomach deepened.

“How many times have I done this?” you asked quietly as he pulled into the parking garage. He took a second to answer, and said, “I lost count.”

Fuck.

He parked and you got out on your own, stumbling a bit but refusing his help to the elevator and up to your apartment. Was this new? Was he impressed, did he see a change? Or were you thinking like this every night he came to pick you up? You unlocked the door and let the two of you in to the front room that had bottles and trash scattered everywhere, but Liam stopped in the doorway. You turned to look at him.

“I’ll come back in the morning with some food, we can talk then. Are you alright?”

You nodded, and he nodded, then he closed the door behind him as he left. You began cleaning yourself up, washing your face and taking a shower, then cleaning your apartment. It felt like you had been floating in the apartment, not really paying attention to it. You cleaned through the night, not wanting Liam to see the apartment like this when he came back. You had brewed yourself a strong coffee by the time he knocked on your door, and you took your time answering, scanning the whole apartment to make sure it was clean. It was, so you opened the door.

Liam was standing there with takeout from a nearby bakery. He already looked tired. Did he get any sleep last night? Could he see that you didn’t? You have a small smile and stepped aside to let him in. As he scanned the apartment, you took the food and began plating it. Leading him to the kitchen island to eat, he started talking.

“Do you remember last night?”

“Yes.” He didn’t seem convinced.

“I was at the park drinking. You came and picked me up, I asked you how many times you had to do that, you couldn’t remember and wanted to talk about things today. You dropped me off here and said you’d be back in the morning with breakfast so we could talk. Now it’s morning.”

Surprise flashed behind his eyes for a second, but just as quick he steeled himself.

“Did I remember it before?” you asked, looking down at your plate.

“No.”

Just one word told you everything. You had gone too far too many times. “You don’t have to do this Liam. I don’t want to drag you back to me like this.”

He didn’t speak, just ate his breakfast. It was sausage and eggs, with a side of fruit. Yours was a chocolate croissant with some strawberries. You couldn’t eat it.

“Do you want any of mine?” he asked, not looking at you. It was as if he was reading off a script. You shook your head. He sighed, put down his fork, and leaned back.

“You seem more aware this time. Did you not drink as much?” You shrugged. This whole thing felt awkward, like he was your dad after a bad night out when you broke curfew. Except that’s exactly what this was, except he was your friend.

“You were right when you called me. I’ve been using you.” “Was that why you were drinking?”

You shrugged again. You both knew it was a yes, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it.

“You want to get better? Throw out your alcohol. Go to every bar and club around here and tell them to deny you entry no matter what. Stop going for drinks with your coworkers. I’d even consider rehab. You’re addicted, ok? I want you to get better.”

He was looking at you now, but you couldn’t meet his eyes. You just kept staring at the croissant. He sighed, and reached for your plate to switch your meals, but you stopped him.

“Can you come with me?” your voice was stupidly shaky, and you cursed yourself for it. “I’ll do all the talking, I just want to make sure I get all of them” He nodded. “Eat first. Did you sleep at all last night?”

You hated how you felt like a little kid, shaking your head before picking up the croissant and taking a bite. “Once we finish that, can we talk more about this? I just feel like I woke up to everything I’ve done, you know?”

“Sure.” it was a short, curt response that you knew you’d just have to accept.

A few minutes later, you finished the croissant and coffee and went to your room to change. You put on a simple outfit that would still make you look out together, but didn’t bother with makeup. Hopefully this would be over fast.

You and Liam set out around town, first going to your favorite club, The Eclipse. As you walked up, you felt your hands getting sweaty, and clenched and unclenched them until you felt Liam slip his hand in yours and give it a gentle squeeze. “You got this. It’s the first step that’s always the hardest.” You nodded, and walked up to the bouncer. After explaining to him your situation and how you were trying to quit drinking, he agreed to turn you away and call a cab for you if you turned up at the club. After thanking him profusely, you and Liam went on to the next club. And the next. And the next. It was not a short experience as you had hoped, it was long and embarrassing and tiring. Eventually you reached the last bar and confirmed with the owner that you wanted to be on the no-serve list, then turned to Liam.

He was smiling at you. It was a soft smile, but still there. You could see the pride in his eyes as he held out a hand to you, and you gladly took it, a small smile on your face too. “You did good. I’m proud of you.” He said, walking back to your apartment. “Thank you. I’m sorry it took me so long, and I'm sorry I didn’t listen to you before. I just feel so stupid for letting myself get to this point. And I feel so bad for hurting you and your career.”

“This is where you show it. Ok?” He said, shaking your intertwined hands and looking at you. “This is you showing me that you’re serious about everything you’re saying. Now you just need to stick with it and prove that you’re serious.”

You nodded, meeting his eyes with a watery smile. “I won’t hook up with Lando Norris again.”

He rolled his eyes, letting go of your hand jokingly. “Too soon, man. Too soon. Ugh. I got so many calls from Christian that day.”

“I’m sorry, truly. And I was such an ass when I answered you. And when I was like, trying to call you back. God, I just fucked up for the past 6 months. And I can’t even remember it at all! I just lost so much of my life.”

“But you’re pulling yourself out. And that means a lot to me. I’ve tried to get you to do this before, you know? You always dragged your feet and stuff.”

“Really?” You asked, looking at him with wide eyes. “See, this is what I’m talking about! I have zero recollection of that!”

He chuckled, and swung your arms as you walked. “This is a new chapter for you. I believe in you.”

FIN.

authors note.. bam! done! thank god, im so sorry this took so long.. i do have another still in the works that hopefully wont take as long but yeahh this series is gonna take forever.

#liam lawson #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #liam lawson x reader #liam lawson x y/n #liam lawson x you #rbr x reader

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tanysocks · 4 days ago

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haii! i’m tany buuut you can also call me socks :3

✿﹕ TANY//SOCKS﹒☓﹐

ᶻz ﹒my pronouns are SHE/HER but any are fine!!﹐‹𝟹

ʬʬ，✦﹕ I am a MINOR, i am fine with interactions from 18+ but if you’re going to msg then be AWARE

◖﹐ i’m on pretty much every side of the internet and have tons of interests﹒ PLEASE SHARE YOUR OPINIONS WITH MEE! ･ᴗ･

♪ 、I like taylor swift, sabrina carpenter, gracie abrams, the neighbourhood, chappell roan, beabadoobee, etc, i enjoy pop, indie, rnb, & rap! ✦

◟﹒❥﹒ i do/enjoy gaming, art, music, youtube, blogs, etc.

⪩⪨、dni/do not interact; TRANSPHOBES, HOMOPHOBES, RACISTS, RUDE & DRY, ETCCC!!

❀﹒╰╮i will steal your socks & i am under your bed so sleep with one eye open. ‹3

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inmyheaddd · 6 months ago

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under/over - g. hawthorne

wc: 1.3k idk how i feel about this one, it hurts me to write angstt i hope you enjoy!!

im under water, but i’m over you.

you and grayson were everything. you completed each other — finding him helped you find yourself, and the same goes for him. to him, you were the sun. you lit everything up, your presence kept everything together, and you were the focus of his life.

that was until about a year ago, when he broke up with you.

something about “different paths in life,” “not in the right headspace,” and “i’m sorry.”

grayson being grayson, of course brought you out to a nice dinner to break up with you. you were so excited, got all ready, and looked your best, only to leave feeling more ugly and defeated than you ever have.

“so it meant nothing to you? all of this?” he responded with silence, and in hindsight you wish he would’ve left it at just that. “it didn’t mean enough.”

it didn't mean enough.

you didn’t mean enough.

you’re not enough.

every day felt like a vinyl record on repeat, the only skips being the dreams you’d have when everything was still perfect. you’d long for them so much that once you’d wake up that you’d stay in bed all day, hoping they’d come back. but they didn’t.

instead, your mind was swarmed with endless thoughts. “was i too much?” “was i seriously so caught up in being with him, that i didn’t notice we were falling apart?” “what did i do wrong?”

but that was all a year ago, you had put it behind you. you’re over it now.

whenever you remember the girl grayson made out of you after the breakup, you almost want to laugh. you pity her, you want to give her a hug, and you want to slap some sense into her at the same time.

you’re better now, though. you took down every single thing that grayson was remotely tied to in your room. letters, gifts, and those stupid photos that seemed to cover every wall in your house. your friends say to just find a guy to mess around with and forget about grayson. but how could you ever not think about him? he was everywhere.

the pattering of your feet running against the cold concrete filled your ears, your heels in your hands, and grayson already starting to take off his suit jacket, 50 or so meters ahead of you. you and grayson had a secret hangout spot—not so secret, considering it was a whole house on the hawthorne property—but it was you and grayson's secret. his grandfather had built it way back for whatever reason but never paid it any mind. you doubted he even remembered it exists. “wait for me!” you almost scream-giggled. the sky was painted a dark blue, the sun long gone, contrasting with the lighted pool behind the house, inviting you and grayson in.

you were a laughing mess, and the second you were both out of your formal clothes from the event you left early, you grabbed graysons hand and jumped into the pool. you had planned before the event that you were going to swim, hence the clothes under, and it was now approaching 2 in the morning.

you weren’t sure if what you and grayson were doing even counted as swimming. splashing water in each other's faces, swimming away from grayson only to be pulled back in, and laughing so loud that they could be heard from miles away.

you splash more water in graysons face, after he tried to kiss you and you pretended to lean in. when he pulled back, after being met with water rather than your lips, he was trying to act annoyed, but his lips that twitched upwards betrayed him.

you laugh at his silence and start to swim away. you were a good swimmer, but grayson was out of this world. that, and your never ending laughter minimized your ability to swim properly. he caught up within seconds and caged you in at the edge of the pool, and you were standing in between his arms.

you push your arms against the water at a punishingly fast pace. you’ve been swimming for roughly 2 hours now. you would’ve been sure your limbs weren’t there anymore if you didn’t feel that dull ache. 1,2,3,4, up, 1,2,3,4 up.

tobias hawthorne died, and it seemed like all the progress you made did too.

he had a will reading; you weren't going to go - if you had a choice, but your presence was required. this was your way of prepping for it. if you’re so focused on the pain of your muscles, you won’t be able to feel any other types of pain. right?

“sorry,” you managed to get out after moments of laughing on end. you placed your hands on the side of grayson’s face, to which he looked up at the sky and almost shook his head in disbelief. with an ever present smile on his face, he looked back at you, and then he kissed you. somehow even in chlorine-filled water and wet hair sticking to your face, the kiss was as perfect as ever. this time, you didn’t splash him. his arms that were by your side now hooked under your legs and were holding you up, and your legs were wrapped around his waist. you pulled back from the kiss and rest your forehead on his.

nothing could ever ruin this moment.

“if we ever broke up, i don’t think i’d ever be able to swim again.” you confess, if you two weren’t as physically close as you were you doubt he would’ve even heard you. “if we ever broke up, i don’t think i’d be able to live with myself.” his tone matched yours. sincere, and full of love.

upon entering the cold room full of memories at every corner, with every person, you were hyper-aware of every single nerve in your body, feeling everything everywhere.

but suddenly, you went numb, you couldn’t feel your limbs, and you felt like you were watching your life from a 3rd-person perspective, floating outside.

your eyes met icy blue ones.

for the first time in over a year.

you look at each other, and even with all your inner workings and feelings for him all blurred, you realize that you barely even knew who he was anymore.

but you knew one thing: the look in his eyes was the same. the eyes you fell in love with. the ones that pulled you in deeper and deeper every day, and the ones that told you it was over before he said it himself. it seemed like everyone was looking at you and grayson, yet you weren’t looking at each other anymore. you weren’t going to look at him for the rest of the will reading. not even a glance. you undoubtedly feel his gaze on you, and it takes everything in you not to meet it. you spent all this time becoming a better you, and he was not going to ruin it. you promised yourself. it wasn’t until you heard what you had been left with—what you and grayson have been left with.

“…and to y/n l/n and grayson hawthorne, i leave you the rosewood property. may you find yourself cherishing it like you once had.”

you broke the promise you made to yourself without thinking, and there was a different look in those icy blue eyes, you’d expect hatred—2 minutes earlier he found out he’d been snubbed of billions, but this look was different. shock? you weren’t shocked, for one, the man knowing about your clearly not-so-secret rendezvous wasn’t surprising. so what was it? his eyes looked so distant, but full of familiar memories that float around in your subconscious. you looked away, and the hawthorne brothers lives were ruined again in another mere 2 minutes. practically all of tobias’ wealth went to a girl they didn’t even know.

“he left everything to her?”

“who the hell is she?”

“there must be some mistake.” and that was the first time you heard his voice in roughly a year. funny, that sentence could be applied to a hell of a lot of things.

you tuned all the noise out. what the hell was that look he gave you? was it regret? resentment? lov— no. you weren’t sure. but it plagued you for the rest of the day, simply standing up and leaving the room when everyone around you seemed to burn into flames.

i’m under water, am i over you?

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headkiss · 2 years ago

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steve masterlist

༄ fics

i miss you, i’m sorry (5.9k)

inspired by the gracie abrams song. you and steve had been best friends since you were little. when he got with nancy things changed, but he’s determined to make it right. angst, smut, fluff. friends to ??? to lovers.

secret admirer (10.5k)

you’ve had a crush on steve for a while, he was your secret admirer as well as your science partner, though you only knew one of those things. fluff, smut, s1 steve but nicer.

upside down (5.7k)

being trapped—and injured—in the upside down with steve leads to a new development in your relationship. angst, fluff, friends to lovers.

are we more? (4.4k)

for the longest time you thought steve was an asshole, but one date changes that. angst, fluff, frenemies to lovers.

how you looked at me then (14k)

based on the song K. by cigarettes after sex. moving to hawkins might not have seemed great, then you met steve and everything changed. smut, slight angst, fluff, friends with benefits to lovers.

something in the air (13.9k)

you’re convinced you hate steve, and that he hates you right back. during your camping trip with friends, you find out just how wrong you’ve been. smut, fluff, hurt/comfort, enemies to lovers, one bed trope.

gotcha (3.7k)

you and steve spend every holiday together. this halloween is the most memorable, though. fluff, friends to lovers.

not just on christmas (8.3k)

steve’s parents are coming home for the holidays and he’s in need of a fake date. who better than you, his best friend? fluff, friends to lovers, fake dating, first kiss.

do you think i have forgotten? (14.1k)

you loved steve harrington years ago, and he loved you. now, coming back to hawkins, you find that things may not be so different. fluff, smut, exes to lovers.

single thread (8.2k), part 2 (7.6k), part 3 (9.3k)

steve has a big secret and convinces himself he needs to stay away from you to keep you safe. that’s tough to do when you’re his neighbour. fluff, slight angst, spiderman!steve au, neighbours to lovers (?)

become the sun (14.5k)

figuring out how to move on from life in hawkins, steve takes a trip to the beach, where he meets you, who becomes his tour guide and maybe more than that. fluff, tiny angst, strangers to friends to lovers.

maybe this christmas time (9.5k)

working as an elf during the holidays (which he isn’t a fan of) is not how steve would choose to spend his time, neither is doing a bucket list of your creation. you end up changing his mind. fluff, grumpy x sunshine, first kiss.

fall right into me (13.6k)

when something happens to your apartment and you need a place to stay, steve, your best friend, is quick to provide it for you. your prolonged proximity forces you both to realize some things.

༄ shorter works (under 2k)

you love me? it’s just us at your service let me protect you too elevator cold hands tutor the way i loved you

༄

blurbs

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington fic #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington x y/n #stranger things #stranger things fic #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington requests #steve harrington one shot

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angelguk · 3 years ago

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omg so i sent in an ask re angst jock jk n oc ! but then i also realized its highly possible these 2 break up at one point while in uni mostly bc of the "are we dating bc its convenient" kinda dilemma and then it just pushes them apart bc they think theyre losing theirselves while being in such a close relationship,,,cue save ur tears by theweeknd BUT i just know when they grow up a lil bit more, theyll end up together <3

here we go! (the beginning of the end....may be...)

didn’t include save your tears as the soundtrack but may haps for the follow-up :3

pairing: jock!jk and oc

warnings: angst, yes the break-up scene, jaykay being an ass (a very huge one motivated by his own insecurities and selfishness – translation: he’d rather break her heart and carry that weight than be the heartbroken one), chayoung is no longer Seed of Doubt but something else (still up for debate but she’s fairly nice here), not edited but hey atp that’s part of my branding (also i would like everyone to consider that oc is not the greatest gf ever like guys don’t hate jk alone!!)

soundtrack: bags, clairo + stay, gracie abrams + say you know, alina baraz

(titled — honeymoon fades)

Jeongguk’s contact name hasn’t lit up the screen of your phone for six days now and you haven’t seen his face for just as long. It’s weird to go from constant incessant communication to complete and utter radio silence. Not a single meme deposited in your Instagram inbox, no random notification from his Twitter. Just silence, quiet brewing silence.

It breaks two days later when Chayoung finds you coddled under your duvet, mouth stuffed with the saccharine sweetness of mint chocolate. (Jeongguk kept a stash of it at your place but who was around to eat it anymore apart from you?).

“And why do you look like you live in a dumpster?” She’d hummed, ripping open the curtains you’d involuntarily welded shut.

“Because that’s how I feel inside,” you’d retorted, pushing aside your laptop. The screen is stuck with an image of an idiotic character named Nabi kissing the spawn of Satan. You hope for her sake it works out. Chayoung had huffed at your response, fondly whacking your head with a stray pillow.

“Well get over that feeling cause we’re going out tonight.” A declaration, the fierceness in her feline eyes a warning that you’re not allowed to even think of saying no. That doesn’t mean you hadn’t tried – sorrowful eyes and pouted lips as you begged her to spare you. But Chayoung is a force of nature, one that could easily wreak havoc on your delicateness. And she does though, with a string of comments that propels you out of the miserable burrow you’d dug up.

“You’re killing everyone, you know?” She’d supplied, yanking open your closet. “You’re sulking, Jeongguk is shutting down. He’s said like five words since this whole...thing...you have going on.”

You couldn’t help but scoff at that, toying with the corner of the large grey shirt donned on your body. Jeongguk’s shirt. One of his favourites actually. You’d thought about stealing it after spying it on his obsessively neat laundry pile, but after seeing your wandering eyes he’d given it to you instead.

“He always does that,” you’d said after Chayoung had whipped her head in your direction, curved eyebrows perplexed. “I mean, shut down. It’s his emotional response to things that bother him. Complete detachment so it hurts less.”

She had just stared at you, a long meaningful look at left your skin prickled.

“Huh.”

“What do you mean ‘huh’?”

A measured step forward, her body weight sinking into the edge of your mattress a moment later. “I mean, you know him so well.”

“Of course I do he’s my best-friend,” you’d said, indignation coating your words

“No–No you're not getting me. You know him. You know he wouldn’t make the move to reconcile–”

“But he should!”

“You told him to go away! He’s trying to listen to you even though he’s hurting!”

And maybe that was it, that simple implication that you were causing him pain that had you pausing, reviewing the things you’d said to him – the things you’d felt.

“But,” a timid rebuttal, “I just–I just need him to show me that he cares.”

“He does,” Chayoung had returned. “So much. And he misses you. He’s probably just afraid that you don’t feel the same.”

“But I do! He knows this.”

“Does he?” A question in her eyes, one that you’re afraid you know the honest answer to.

You say things and never mean them, he had said, eyes hard.

That had hurt you but perhaps he was right, there are things you hadn’t told him, feelings you hadn’t truly expressed. And Jeongguk had always been good to you, so understanding and caring, trying to fill the places were you lacked. Wasn’t he the one who planned the majority of your dates? Remembered all the important milestones of your relationship while you contributed the bare minimum. You hadn’t even told Chayoung about the surprise he had planned for your one-year anniversary, the shame of your own choice hanging heavy over your head.

So that’s why you’re here, staring at the back of his head forlornly as the music drifts around you, flashing florescent lights bathing him a hazy glory. He hasn’t seen you yet (something you’re thankful for because oddly enough you feel sick to your stomach). It feels like you’re skating on thin ice, waiting for the impending crack to sound through your heart, ice water swallowing you whole immediately. Chayoung is the one who pushes you forward, gingerly plucking the idle drink from your hand, Jimin aiding her efforts with a soft smile your way.

It’s time for you to try the way Jeongguk has, put aside that bumbling ego that oversees your actions and adopt the humility he’s always granted you.

“Go,” she murmurs. “He misses you.”

And God you hope he does because you’ve missed him too.

Except the moment his honey eyes land on you you know he hasn’t.

“Jeongguk,” you mumble. Yoonoh is frozen beside him, concerned gaze flicking between your faces. Your own eyes are stuck on him, the shape of his nose, the curve of his lips, the subtle hint of the dimple in his cheeks.

You’ve missed him, and it slips from your heart and brims in your eyes, vision blurry as your blink those stray tears back inside.

“Hi,” you add, when his silence doesn’t break.

“I should probably go,” Yoonoh lets out, awkward words bumping into the wall of tension standing firm between you to. He settles a hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder, sending him a look that feels loaded. “See you guys later, right?”

You nod, finally noticing the lump clogging your throat. “Yeah, sure.” Jeongguk just hums, the edge of his cup caught between his lips. Yoonoh flees within seconds, leaving you to wade through this alone.

“I–I know you’re not happy with me right now, but please, can we just talk?” He blinks at you, it feels like a premonition. “Please?”

“Okay.” The simple word fills you, like a hollow you weren’t aware of finally found the cure needed.

“Okay,” a small smile on your lips. Jeongguk’s face is still unreadable. He guides you up and away from the deafening sound of the song bleeding from the speakers, into an empty room, the door closing behind him muting the music and giving way to the own pounding in your head. Nobody says anything for a second, both of you navigating this uncharted territory of animosity. Until Jeongguk sighs, melting into the bed at the centre of the room. You follow suit, allocating enough space between the two of you. You’ve ever had to do that before.

“You said you wanted to talk?” Jeongguk finally cuts through it, eyes unforgiving when he glances at you.

“I did! I do–Just Jeongguk,” you can’t help it drifting out. “I miss you.”

Nothing, not even a flicker in his eyes. He eyes shift to the floor instead. “Okay. I that what you wanted to say?”

“No–No not just that! I’ve missed you Jeongguk and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that i went off on you like that and I’m sorry I haven’t been the best towards you and I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel like I didn’t care about you–or made you feel like the things I said or did had no meaning behind them. Because they do–they do because I love you. I love you so so much and I’m sorry if I made it seem like otherwise.” You automatically extend out for him, hoping to grasp on his thing floating to fast away from you. Jeongguk shifts and you hand tumbles down to the empty space between you instead, halted by his hesitance.

His head drops into his palms a second later, a broken exhale leaving his lips. The motion cause the silver bracelet on his wrist to slip down the length of his arm. It jolts something in you. Jeongguk had given you a matching one but you’d ripped it off after the last argument and hadn’t considered putting it back on. But Jeongguk was still wearing his.

“Do you really?”

“What?” He’s staring at you know, doe eyes cloudy.

“Do you really love me?” There, that stupid evil vile question that you thought you had the answer to but the words vanish in your head the longer he looks at you.

“I do–what? What are you implying? Of course, I do.”

“Of course, you do,” Jeongguk echoes. His eyes turn to the window located over his shoulder. You can see his head working through something, and you’re suddenly terrified fingertips itching to wander through his curls and coax those thoughts from his head.

“Jeongguk? What the hell are you talking about? Talk to me, please.”

He sighs again, at it feels like your heart splinters. A sudden shake of his head and Jeongguk twists back to face you, a silent tear falling down his cheek.

“You don’t love me.”

“Wh–What are you talking about? I do! And how can you decide my feelings for me?”

“No. You don’t love me the way you think you do–the way you should.” It feels like he’s saying it to more than you, like he’s saying it to himself. “Maybe this the wrong choice to make. You know. Maybe we shouldn’t have done this.”

You shatter just like that, shards on the floor as you stare him, this person that you thought you knew. And maybe the feeling is mutual because Jeongguk is staring at you in a similar way, searching for the courage to say the words you know lie in his heart. Like a loaded cannon, waiting for the match to strike and leave you lying in pieces.

“I think we should break–"

“No,” you cut him off with an adamance that you didn’t know existed until right then. “No, you’re not gonna say that and we are not doing this.”

His eyes narrow then, jaw set. “This is not about ‘us’, I’m doing what’s right for me.”

“How is that right? Huh, Jeongguk? Don’t you care about this? Don’t you care about me?”

He looks away then, ignoring your questions, his throat stuck.

“Jeongguk...” You reach out again, and he allows it, shoulders sinking with the weight of your hand on them. “Don’t you care about me?”

Another heavy exhale, his eyes blinking hard. “I do. And that’s why this won’t work, not the way it should at least. I really think we should end this, or at least reconsider the reasons why we’re together. You say you love me–you say you always have but really–really think about it. About me and us and what we are. I’m sorry, I really am but I just can’t do this anymore.”

He rises then, your outstretched hand tumbling down to the empty space he’d left behind. You can’t move it, can’t breathe, your heart hurtling out of your chest and onto the ground where it lies, fragmented beyond repair and bleeding bare. You glance up through tears, watch him open his mouth and then it and look away.

“Do you mean it?” You finally ask, and his eyes snap to you. He knows what you’re saying. There’s a pause that stretches out for eternity, coloured by the sound of the ringing in your head.

“Maybe.” It cuts right through you, lodging itself deep with intent. And then you just have to nod, swallow the scream clawing at your throat. He murmurs one more apology before his feet carry him away, and you watch, forlorn as you burn his frame into your memory, as your whole world walks out the door.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #au: jock!jaykay #i really abused the hyphen in this but oh well

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hufflepuffhollander · 4 years ago

Text

5 times it didn’t, 1 time it did: tom holland imagine

a/n | this is my first submission for @hollandsrecs 1k bingo event! the prompt was “5 times, 1 time”, a concept you’ll soon understand! I really enjoyed writing this and got really in my Feelings™ listening to Mean it by Gracie Abrams (give it a listen).

summary: Tom keeps missing his chance to make things right with you after rumors spread about an affair with one of his costars.

tom x fem reader | contains angst for days, language, and resolution fluff | word count: 2.2k | enjoy!

“I can’t believe you.”

“What, what can’t you believe?”

“You told me you’d never let the tabloids come in between our relationship.”

“As far as I’m concerned, they haven’t. You’re still sitting here, aren’t you?”

“In our apartment? Seriously?”

“What do you want from me?”

“To call your publicist or your manager or whoever the hell will be able to shut all this shit down.”

“It’s the internet, y/n. You can’t ‘shut it down’. What’s out there is out there.”

“Why are you being so apathetic about this?”

“Why is it such a big deal?”

“Half the country thinks you’re dating your costar and that I’m a desperate sidepiece.”

“You know you’re not.”

“But they don’t.”

“So?”

“Is it so hard to come out and say that it’s not true?”

“People will think what they want regardless of what I say.”

“You know what, fuck this.”

You got off the couch, throwing your hands up in defeat.

“I don’t know why I have to try so hard to convince you to make this relationship a priority.”

Tom sighed heavily, starting to get off the couch and follow you out of the room, but receded and stayed planted. He wanted to say something that would make you turn around and come back, something to figure it out. To tell you that you were a priority, really his first one. But he didn’t know how to say that, and he stayed silent.

He could’ve apologized, and he didn’t. This was the first time you’d ever walked out of an argument without resolving the problem and ending it with a hug and mutual I-love-you’s. It took all of your gathered strength to keep facing forward and walk further and further away from him, instead of running back, folding into his arms and seeking out the comfort that was his body heat. It epically sucked that he had the power to make you both the angriest and happiest you ever knew how to feel.

You and Tom went to sleep that night silently, staying a hundred feet apart in your queen sized bed, backs turned towards each other. You hated feeling the draft between your loose shirt and bare back — he hated not being able to fall asleep inhaling your shampoo with his head against the back of yours. You stayed awake listening to the silence, hoping he’d speak. Hoping he’d say he was sorry, that he’d fix it. But all he did was yawn, or sigh, or stretch out and pull his hand back like it had been burned when he accidentally grazed your arm. You were both miserable, but he still didn’t apologize, second opportunity to fix things passing by as soon as it had come.

The next morning, you woke up later than you meant to and couldn’t avoid Tom waking up next to you, making inevitable eye contact as you’d naturally shuffled closer together in your sleep, like your bodies were ready for a closure your minds weren’t ready to come to.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

Your phone buzzed and you made the mistake of checking it. More and more notifications poured in from friends asking if you and Tom were still together, “who this costar bitch thought she was”, seeing how you were handling it. You realized still nothing had been done about it, and the same nasty feelings from the day before resurfaced anew. Tom saw your face drop and rolled onto his back, pretending to be interested in the ceiling.

“Plans today?” he asked.

“Just doing damage control and convincing infinite circles of friends that I’m not suddenly single and in a downward spiral behind closed doors,” you responded, sounding harsher than you meant to.

He put his hands over his face. “If they really were your friends they wouldn’t have to ask,” he said bluntly. Your belly filled with a dull fire.

“Is that really the angle you’re gonna take right now?” you said, trying to ignore the tears preemptively pinpricking the corners of your eyes. Tom realized he had played the asshole card when he turned to see your face painted with hurt, and again, tried to spit out the words that he was sorry. But he didn’t, and his third chance flew out the open window. You shivered at the draft, and Tom went to instinctively wrap his arms around you, but stopped himself when you looked at him puzzled, as he couldn’t handle doing really anything when he saw how gray your eyes looked.

“y/n, I think this has gotten-“

“Save it,” you said, swiftly getting out of bed. You didn’t care to be insulted another time before 9 am, or feel your attachment to the love of your life sever a little more before you’d even brewed your coffee. You threw on the first thing you found, tied your hair up, grabbed your bag and then your keys.

“I’ll see you before the interview later.”

Truthfully, Tom’s talk show interview tonight was hours and hours away, but you wanted to avoid another emotional hit from him as long as possible.

Tom felt his chest sink as he heard the lock click after you. Why couldn’t he just apologize? Was it that hard? Sure, he didn’t agree with you. The tabloids always blew any gossip they could create out of proportion, turning every friendly hug between friends into a lover’s affair. But addressing it to the public only ever just fanned the fire. He didn’t want to give in to the pressure, but could see how it was starting to break you.

You walked into your flat with barely enough time to get ready after a long, tiring day of thinking and overthinking, wanting nothing more than to come home and be with your best friend, to cry to him about your problems and let him kiss and cuddle the pain away. Never before had he actually been the problem, though. That was uncharted territory, and you were afraid to see him tonight and face either inevitable fighting or excruciating silence. You met at the car and got in wordlessly. Only once you’d pulled onto the highway did Tom decide to speak.

“I think we need to talk about what’s been going on, yeah?”

“I guess so.”

“I just want you to understand that my not saying anything publicly doesn’t mean I’m not denying the rumors being spread. Staying silent is taking a stand, in a way.”

“In a way,” you said quietly. You really didn’t want to ruin your makeup before the show and hoped staying soft would keep the emotional floodgates from breaking open.

“I’m trying not to add fuel to the fire, love,” he said, placing a hand on your thigh. You stared down at that hand you loved and didn’t respond.

“I feel like I have no dignity left.”

He exhaled and frowned.

“Do you know what people are saying about me?” you squeaked without meaning to.

“I’ve told you to stop reading all those articles.”

“Right, because that’s the problem.” You rolled your eyes and moved your leg away from under his hand. He awkwardly placed it on the gear shift and didn’t dare to look at you for fear of breaking down himself.

“I just wish you’d stand up for me.”

“I’m doing it in my own way,” he trailed off. But that wasn’t good enough for you.

“And you can’t see that maybe that’s not enough?”

“I-“ He was about to say sorry — you could’ve sworn you hear the first syllable. But a car in front changed lanes and cut him off.

“Fucker.”

After that wise remark, silence. Fourth chance to apologize up in smoke. You looked out the window and said nothing until you pulled up to the studio entrance. You saw lines of flashing bulbs of cameras, news trucks and reporters. Why did everything have to be such a thing? Tom cleared his throat and turned to you.

“y/n, love, go ahead and get out here and I’ll meet you inside.”

You looked back at Tom blankly.

“We’re not going in together?”

“I don’t want to subject us to all the paps out there,” he said, refusing to make eye contact. “If you go alone, my security team can cover you. They can’t cover us both.”

Your whole body felt cold. “Are...are you serious?”

It looked like telling you to face the crowd without him was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. So why was he doing it?

“I’ll meet you inside-“

You cut him off by loudly undoing your seatbelt and putting your heels on, shooting daggers at him the whole time.

“I should’ve stayed home.” You opened the car door and got out.

“y/n, I’m-” You slammed the door shut before you could hear the rest of his words. Five chances he had to make it right, five times he absolutely blew it. You weren’t sure this was something you even wanted anymore. How could you clearly mean so little to him when he was your everything?

“...and give it up for Tom Holland!” the audience cheered wildly at the sight of your boyfriend walking out on stage, shaking the host’s hand and waving with a bright-eyed and cheery smile at the crowd. You’d chosen a smart seat in the back so as to hide from anyone who might recognize you — you were not in the mood to socialize, and frankly, if Tom didn’t currently have the only set of car keys, you would’ve driven yourself home. You could see him scanning the audience until his eyes landed on you, and you stared at him with an expression completely unfeeling, blinking slowly until he turned away.

He continued to woo the host and the crowd with his heartfelt answers and funny anecdotes, but even you were immune to his charm tonight. You felt detached, alone. You wondered how you’d spent so long with this boy who had no respect for you or how you felt.

“So, not to put you on the spot, but-”

“Uh oh,” Tom laughed, the audience along with him.

“No, no, bear with me,” the host chuckled. “I’m sure you’re no stranger to all the rumors going around about this relationship you’ve gotten into with your costar in the new Spiderman movie coming out next year, can you give us any inside scoop on that?”

Tom shuffled in his chair looking uneasy, running a hand through his already messy hair, a telltale sign that he was nervous. You hated how well you knew him.

“I mean, I don’t like to give into all the gossip,” he said, trying to play it off. “But if you want to talk about the movie-”

“We will, we will! But you know what we all really care about...” the host laughed, pushing Tom to keep talking.

“Look, we’ve all grown close on set, like a little family. And I can’t believe I even have to say this, but no, I’m not an item with any one of my costars, or fellow actors, or anyone famous for that matter,” his face started to splotch pink, and you sat up in your seat. What was he doing?

“Well sorry to pry-” the host started, but Tom kept talking, now faster, lips not able to keep up with his brain.

“The amount of stress all the rumors have put on me and the people I care about is insane and unfair, and nobody has taken it harder than my actual girlfriend, who is right there in the audience,” he said, and you cursed him for causing a hundred chairs to squeak as heads swiveled towards you. “It all has her constantly feeling hated and unimportant and questioning our relationship, which I can’t stand, because I love her more than anything, I do, and I hate to see her so upset when there’s just nothing I can do about people gossiping.” You hear scattered “aww”s come from around you.

“I’ve been quiet for too long about it, which I thought was the right thing to do. But I was wrong. She deserves to hear me tell the world that I am with her, and only her, and that’s not changing,” he says, finally taking a breath. Tom looks at you, eyes watery, and sighs, as the audience coos and applauds. He mouths a clear “I’m sorry” that only you see, and you feel that cold draft start to melt, letting yourself give him a small smile in return. He finishes the interview and you meet him backstage at the end.

When he sees you walking towards him, Tom picks up speed and pulls you into a hug immediately, both arms underneath yours, almost picking you up off the ground. You hate to admit it, but it feels so good to be back where you rightfully belong. You lean into his body and hug him back. He kisses your cheek and rests his face against yours. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“I know. You finally apologized.”

“I know.”

“Took you long enough.”

He pulled back and smiled at you, leaning in and kissing you softly. He cupped your face with both of his hands and wiped away a small tear that was harbored between your eyelashes.

“I’ll go on a million more talk shows and do it again if it means you’ll forgive me.”

“That’s a start,” you both giggle and he kisses you again. “Can we go home?”

“Of course, love.”

#hrficbingo1k #hollandsrecs #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland imagines #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland one shot #tom holland one shots #tom holland x reader #tom holland blurb #tom holland blurbs

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starlost-andfound · 4 years ago

Text

long sleeves / c.m.b

Inspired by the song Long Sleeves by Gracie Abrams

Summary: In which Corbyn comes to a realisation. It’s been a long time coming.

A/N: I removed some of the lyrics just to fit the storyline. Lyrics are in bold and italic :) and flashbacks in Italic.

+++ THE LYRICS ARE IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT, I RECOMMEND READING THEM FOR EXTRA EFFECT ;)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Arguing - I think it might count as verbal abuse, emotional abuse? Toxic relationship - some potentially heavy emotional scenes, a few implications of body imaging and low self-esteem.

Word Count : 2096 (-oops)

[4:38 AM]

Packing while you're asleep

You were the catalyst

I don't know what it is about how you breathe

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock

Corbyn gazed at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, an endless stream of thoughts flowing in his mind. It was a routine activity, he realised. Laying in bed wide awake, thinking about the same thing over and over. Are you sure about this?, he asked himself. What about her?

He looked down at his girlfriend who slept peacefully. Her head rested on his chest and her arms wrapped around him. Y/n... the love of my life.... Is she still?, he wondered.

“Hey Jack, can I ask you a question?” Corbyn mumbled.

“Yeah, what’s up?”, Jack looked up from his computer.

“When do you know it’s time to let go?”

Corbyn looked at y/n. Her form rose and fell slightly as she slept. A lump built in Corbyn’s throat and a sinking feeling settled in his chest as he watched her.

“I think for everyone, it’s different,” Jack answered Corbyn’s question. “You’ll know when the time comes, I guess.”

He moved quietly and slowly, trying not to wake her as he slipped away from her grasp.

He froze as y/n suddenly shifted.

“Where you going?”, she mumbled sleepily.

“Nowhere,” he placed a kiss on her forehead.

Y/n nodded, “When you’re back, gimme cuddles, promise?”

Corbyn hesitated before brushing the hair off of her face with his fingers, “Promise.”

Y/n smiled softly before turning over. That smile. Corbyn almost wanted to go back in bed and hold her close again. Almost.

He listened carefully as her breathing slowed down and she fell asleep. He shuffled over to the closet and gently wheeled out his suitcase, pulling the zip open. He grabbed the first hanger in the closet, pulling off the shirt and dumping it in the open suitcase.

I want to be alone

Hate it that no one knows

You're good to everyone

All them but me

“Am I not a priority to you?!”

Corbyn pressed the brakes as they reached a red light and turned to y/n, “Baby, of course you are, you have always be-”

“Then why are you always out? Huh? It’s always ‘I’m going to the studio babe, I’ll be back for dinner’ or ‘Got a meeting, be back soon’ and then you miss dinner or stay the night at the boys’ houses!’’, y/n yelled, throwing her hands in the air.

“That’s because it’s my passion, my job, y/n,” Corbyn replied, his voice lower than hers. “I’ve told you this before, we spend a lot of time in the studio and we have lots of work on our hands.”

“And staying at theirs for the night?”

“Babe, it’s stressful, okay? And I stay up late and I get tired so sometimes I crash at their place. Sometimes we pull all nighters working on our music.”

“You’re lying. It’s all lies! You are such an unappreciative selfish person, all you care about is yourself and your needs! You’re lucky that I’m still with you while you’re off satisfying your needs and satisfying your pleasures with someone else!” Y/n pointed a finger at Corbyn accusingly, “You liar!”.

Corbyn turned the car to the right as they drove down the street to Daniel’s house, “I’m not lying! Why can’t you just believe me! You are my girlfriend, the love of my life, okay? You’ve always been the one!”, he slammed his hand against the steering wheel.

Y/n rolled her eyes, “That’s bs.”

“Can we please just put this aside for now and go inside?”

Y/n huffed, slamming the door shut as she exited the car. Corbyn rubbed his forehead and took a deep shaky breath before he opened the door, following y/n.

“Corbyn! Y/n!,” Daniel opened the door at the sound of the bell with a large grin, “Come in!” Y/n held Corbyn’s hand as they walked in. Her touch felt so foreign, distant.

“How are you both?”, Daniel asked.

Y/n smiled, resting her head on Corbyn’s shoulder and looking up at him, “We’re doing great, how are you?”

It's been a long time coming

Say something sweet to me

“Corbyn? Are you in there?”

Corbyn sniffled and his head perked up, eyes wide as he quickly scrambled to his feet. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be out in a minute!”. He wiped his tears away and turned on the tap, splashing cold water onto his face.

“Are you okay?”, he heard y/n ask from outside.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, he dried his face with a towel and checked his reflection one last time. His nose had a slight red tint and his puffy eyes were less noticeable. He unlocked the door and opened it, “Hey babe, didn’t think you’d be back this early!”, he smiled.

“I left work a little ea- have you been crying?”, y/n frowned, placing her hand on Corbyn’s cheek. Corbyn pushed her hand away, “Nah, just had a tiring day at the studio. I’ve been staring at a screen all day.” He walked to the bedside table, trying to keep himself together.

Y/n grabbed his arm, preventing him from moving forward, “Corbyn, you know it’s okay to feel down sometimes, right?”

“Yeah, I k-know,” Corbyn held back a sob, “I’m fine.”

Y/n huffed, standing in front of Corbyn, “Baby look at me,” she cupped his cheeks, trying to turn Corbyn’s head up. Corbyn resisted, keeping his head down and turning away.

“Y/n stop,” Corbyn sighed turning to y/n, “I told you, I’m-”

Y/n caught a glance at his broken state and she frowned, “Oh, my love.”

Those words sent broke through to Corbyn, bringing him to tears and he threw his arms around y/n, clinging to her as his shoulders shook with his cries.

“Hey, I got you, it’s going to be alright,” y/n placed a kiss on his shoulder and rubbed his back.

“S-so stress-stressed,” Corbyn mumbled in between his cries.

“I know, I know sweetie. Let it out, I’m here.”

It never meant a thing

Corbyn breathed in and exhaled, letting out a shaky breath. He rested his head against the cold door as y/n continued yelling on the other side.

“Oh, goodness sake! Are you crying?!!”, y/n groaned.

Corbyn winced, trying to wipe away the continuous stream of tears on his face, “I-I’m s-sorry, w-works a lot to handle and this isn’t making-making it any easier!”

“What isn’t making it any easier, huh? This relationship?! This argument?! Me?”

Corbyn rubbed his forehead, “Just leave me alone!”

“Stop being a baby and come outside! Right now!”, y/n slammed her fist against the door and Corbyn flinched.

He shook his head, crying, “All we do is argue, you don’t even love me! I want out.”

“Look at you, such a crybaby. You’re an adult, Corbyn, so man up and act like one! Every couple argues, now get out!”

Corbyn fell to the ground, breathing heavily. He tugged at his hair, “No, no no! I don’t want to come out and you can’t make me!”

“What a coward,” y/n scoffed, walking away.

Corbyn held his breath, listening as y/n’s footsteps became more distant. He checked under the door for extra measure and sighed in relief. He sat back against the door, softly crying.

Used to the turbulence

I wore long sleeves

“Corbyn, are you ready?”, y/n called from the living room.

“Just a second!”, Corbyn replied back as he took one final check in the mirror. His hands brushed across his collarbones which protruded through his skin even more. He wasn’t taking care of himself and he knew it. He sighed, going into the closet to pick out a hoodie. He pulled the hoodie over his form, the cloth engulfing him.

No one would notice. Not even y/n.

“You’re wearing a hoodie?”, y/n asked as he descended the stairs.

“I’m feeling cold.”

I fought 'til you tethered me

“Are you talking back at me?!”

Corbyn huffed, “Yes, I am! I am so sick and tired of you being so manipulative! Just let me breath! I have a life! Stop controlling everything I do! I can go out if I want to, wherever I want! You’re my girlfriend but that doesn’t mean you get to dictate what I do, y/n!”

Y/n’s lips quivered, “I’m sorry, I’m such a bad girlfriend. I-I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve this,” she mumbled.

Corbyn’s heart sank, “No, no, no baby it’s not like that. C’mere, I’m sorry for saying that I didn’t mean it.” He reached for y/n but she pulled away, running up the stairs and to the room. Corbyn heard the door slam upstairs and he winced. Guilt bubbled inside his guts but a persistent feeling lingered in his mind, telling him that what he did was right.

Swept under surfaces

Never enough of it

You didn't think

“Corbyn, you with us?”

Corbyn snapped out of his trance, looking up at his bandmates.

“Are you okay, dude? You’ve been dazed out for a while,” Jack looked at him, concern on his face.

“Y-yeah, just a lot on my mind.”

Jonah, Zach, Jack and Daniel looked at each other with a knowing look. They had seen the way Corbyn’s health deteriorated and how he changed. He wasn’t himself and they knew why.

“Do you want to talk about it?”, Daniel asked, trying not to push too much.

Corbyn sighed, “It’s y/n and I….we hit a bit of a rough patch.”

You didn't think

Y/n washed her face, the cold water wiping away and remnants of sleep she had left.

The radio played a song in the background but she heard nothing, only looking at her reflection.

She hated how she looked, how she acted, how she felt about herself.

‘You’re hurting’, she told herself.

‘But you can’t keep hurting him because of it’, she turned to the bedroom where Corbyn slept on his bed.

If you hear me

Leaving in the morning

Could you please pretend that

It was only wind?

Y/n woke up to the sound of shuffling in the closet and she lifted her head up, catching a glimpse of Corbyn stuffing some clothes into a suitcase. On her first instinct, she wanted to ask him what he was doing but deep down she knew.

She heard the sound of his footsteps grow louder and she quickly turned back to her previous position on her bed, closing her eyes. She calmed her breathing, pretending to sleep.

After a moment, she opened her eyes, taking a slight peek at Corbyn as he rummaged through their shared dressing table, pulling out all his jewellery and accessories.

Corbyn looked up at the mirror on the dressing table, catching her reflection.

“You’re awake,” Corbyn froze and turned to face her, “I can explain, I-I promise.”

Y/n shook her head, “It’s okay. I know.”

Corbyn sighed solemnly, going back to packing his bags.He walked past their bed, placing his accessory box into the suitcase.

'Cause I can't love you

Even if I want to

Got a lot to work through

You don't know where I've been

Y/n gripped the blanket tighter, wrapping it around her form. A shaky breath left her lips and her shoulders trembled. Corbyn looked back at y/n as she cried softly, an ache growing in his heart. A lump built in his throat and he gulped, trying to compose himself.

Her cries and the soft tick of the clock filled the silence in the room as Corbyn packed the last of his belongings. He checked around the closet one last time before rolling his suitcase out and picking up his duffle bag.

It's been a long time coming

He looked around at the room and sighed. Y/n remained facing the other way, refusing to look at him. A soft glint of metal on Corbyn’s finger caught his eye and he looked down. Their ring. The silver band, engraved with their names, that held a promise they never kept.

He took it off and placed it on his bedside table.The soft clink of the metal on wood, lifting a weight off of Corbyn’s mind.

I'm coming down, I'm coming down, I'm coming down

Corbyn picked up his bags and opened the bedroom door, pulling his suitcase out.

“C-Corbyn?”

Corbyn stopped and turned to y/n whose cheeks glistened with her tears.

She sniffled, “I’m sorry.”

Corbyn sighed. “I know,” he replied. “Goodbye, y/n.”

I'm coming down, I'm coming down, I'm coming down

I'm coming down, I'm coming down

#why don't we #Daniel seavey #corbyn besson #jack avery #Jonah marais #zach herron

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erule · 4 years ago

Text

Sounds of Someday

Title: Sounds of Someday

Pairing: Dean x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 6700ish

Warnings: age gap (the reader is 21, while Dean is 26), mention of self-sabotage, mention of a mother abandoning her child, slight smut, angst, romance, friends to lovers, professor!Dean, plot twists, betrayal from a father figure, breakup, language, happy ending.

Summary: Dean and the reader have always been good friends, even since their fathers made them play together when they were kids. After loving Dean for six years, she thought she had forgotten about him, but when they see each other again at her house, she realizes that she’s still in love with him. But maybe even Dean seems to feel something for her this time. The problem? She’s about to graduate from uni and her father wants her to leave for London. What will she do? Will Dean be willing to let her go now that he has found her again?

A/N: Hello hello! This fic participates to Jen’s Make Me Cry Challenge. Thank you Jen for the opportunity and congrats again for your goal! I chose prompt #7, We were never friends, that you can find marked in bold inside the story. I had so much fun writing it! This story means so much to me, I really put my heart into it, so I hope you like it.

I suggest you to listen to Sounds of Someday by Radio Company (fic’s title comes from there), 21 by Gracie Abrams (the whole idea of the story comes from here) and Empty Spaceby James Arthur while reading, if you want.

If you wanna be tagged in my Dean Winchester fics, just let me know in my ask box! You can also find me on AO3 and Wattpad. Feedback is always appreciated by a writer! Enjoy!

Tags: @akshi8278 @jawritter

Story under the cut!

«So, it was all a lie, uh?» she asked, holding back the tears.

Dean clenched his jaw, shaking his head.

«No, of course not. It was all true and we were real, Y/N. It’s just that we can’t do this anymore.»

«You’re breaking up with me after you said you loved me, in a very emotionless way and I should believe that…? Listen Dean, I’m not buying it. Did my Dad forced you to do this?» she asked, coming closer to him. Dean swallowed, without looking at her. She said he wasn’t feeling anything, but she was wrong. He felt something. He felt his whole body burning up just because of her breath near him, but he coudn’t say it. «You can’t even look at me in the eye… You’re gonna regret it, Dean. You’re not coming back from this.»

«Good, because I don’t want to» he replied, with his best poker face. He really seemed cruel. He had to.

She bit her bottom lip.

«I hope you’re satisfied with this ending. I’m certainly not.»

«Endings are never easy. I’m sorry, kiddo.»

«I hate when you call me like that, now» she said, her throat dry as the desert. He used to call her like that when she was younger. It was like he cared about her, but making a distance between them at the same time. Dean looked at his bare feet, feeling so guilty. «You used to call me like that, when we were just friends.»

«But that’s the matter, Y/N: we were never friends» he said, trying to hurt her even more.

«Well, fuck you, Dean!» she yelled, angrily.

«I’m sorry, ba… Y/N.»

«Fuck you, Dean» she repeated, then she surpassed him to get to the door.

***

«Hey Y/N, come downstairs! The Winchesters are here!» said her father.

«I’m coming!»

That was the day of their ruin.

She hadn’t seen Dean in a year and now he looked stunning. He had always been handsome, but now, that guy, who had just turned twenty-six, seemed better than ever. He was breathtaking.

She sighed on the stairs, then she went downstairs to welcome Dean, his brother, Sam and his father, John. Her father, Jay, had always been a good friend of John, so Sam and Dean were always at her house to play when they were kids. Then, Dean was always coming around because he constantly asked her father what he had to do to become a teacher and now he had finally become a professor at her university. She was twenty-one and she was about to graduate. Jay wanted her to go to London to find a job, but she wasn’t sure about that, because her dream was heading to Chicago.

«Y/N, are you okay?» Jay asked her.

«Yes, of course! I was just thinking, sorry. Hi, everybody» she said, politely.

Dean immediately offered her his hand to shake.

«Hey, Y/N. You look really beautiful, tonight» he said. Y/N blushed and her father noticed that.

«Are you hitting on my daughter, Dean?» joked Jay.

«I always am» Dean replied, with a wink.

Everybody laughed at that, but Y/N doubted about his answer for a moment. Dean wasn’t someone who talked like that about any girl, not about her anyway, for sure. But that thought was erased instantly: he wasn’t interested in her. She wasn’t attractive, he said that some years before that day with a very simple sentence: “You’re like a sister to me. The little sister I never wanted”. Yeah, that pretty sure cancelled all of her thoughts.

After the dinner, she went to the garden to breathe some air. She sat down on the little swing they still had from her childhood, a cold beer in her hands and the eyes full of the stars she was looking at.

Later, she surprised Dean on the door, staring at her. He made her heart beat faster than ever, like the last time she saw him. That was bad, very bad. She had healed from her crush on him a long time ago, she hadn’t to fall for him all over again. It was just painful. Too much painful.

«Hi» he said, his voice even lower than she remembered.

«Hey» she said, offering him her beer. «You want some?»

«Why not?»

So, he sat on the other swing. They just seemed two children too grown up for that game.

«How’s uni goin’? I didn’t have the chance to see you after class. It was weird to see you there, even if I was just an assistant of your professor» he said. Y/N chuckled.

«It’s going well. I just need to pass my last exam and then I’ll be free!» she exclaimed, opening her arms as they were a bird’s wings. He laughed. «I think you were very serious, Winchester.»

«Was I?»

«Yes» she answered. Dean was looking at the beer, nodding. «You’re understimating yourself as always, aren’t you?»

«You know me better than anyone else» he said and then drank a sip from his beer.

“And even despite that, I loved you anyway”, she thought.

«You’ve worked so hard for that, Dean. Don’t let anyone take it away from you. You hear me?» she said, pointing a finger at him. Dean smiled.

«Yes’, m’am.»

«Good» she said, chuckling. «I’m your number one fan» she added, then she grabbed the beer from his hands to take another sip because being around him made her nervous, but drinking just made the situation worse. «In fact, I had a pretty bad crush on you when I was younger.»

Dean’s eyes seemed to turn dark, but maybe it was just a wrong impression.

«This is getting interesting» he said, with a grin.

«You didn’t notice it? No? Well, when I was in high school I was head over heels for you. I couldn’t think about anyone else, even if when I dated some other guy. They just… weren’t you.»

«Why didn’t you tell me?» he asked, watching her finishing the beer.

«Because you always took home some very pretty girls and I always thought that I wasn’t enough for you.»

«Who’s understimating herself, now?» Dean said and she laughed.

«Touché.»

Then, Dean took the bottle away from her hands, touching her fingers. He was warm, unlike the weather. She turned to look at Dean, while her arms were now freezing. His gaze was slowly coming down from her eyes to her lips. Her heart was racing in her chest, not letting her breathing properly. He had never looked at her like that. What had changed?

«Here, take my jacket» he said out of the blue, offering her it. «Your nose is red like Rudolph’s.»

She was about to get the jacket with trembling hands, when the voice of her father arrived from the door.

«Y/N! Dean! What are you doing there? Come inside!»

His jacked fell on the grass. Y/N stretched an arm in order to get it, but Dean’s hand was faster. He gave it to her, staring at her figure. She was about to burst into flames.

«Your hands were shaking. Why?» he asked and it was like he was closer to her, because she could feel his scent on herself, the smell of leather and mint.

«You just said that yourself: I’m cold» she lied.

«Or was it because I was too close to you?»

She raised her gaze in order to look at him. His eyes were dark like two black holes.

«Y/N!» Jay called. «Get inside! Now!»

Fortunately, that woke her up. She got up from the swing and came in the house. John and Sam were about to leave, that’s why they were saying goodbye to Jay.

«Is that Dean’s jacket?» Sam asked her, with a grin.

«Y-yes.»

«Hey, whatever you’re doing here, stop it» John said to Dean, when he came inside.

«I’m not doing anything. She was just cold» Dean said, with a shrug. She gave him an eloquent look. He didn’t know that they could play that game together.

Dean winked at her.

«You can keep the jacket, if you want.»

«Nah, I don’t need something to remind me of your cockiness» she said. Sam laughed. Dean nodded, admitting the defeat to himself. «But thanks, though. I was really freezing out there.»

«You’re such a liar, Y/N» Dean murmured at her ear, while she was returning his jacket to him.

«Alright, alright, stop it, kids» Jay said. «Dean, I’ll see you tomorrow at work. John, Sam, we’ll see each other another time. Drive safely.»

«Thank you, Jay» John said.

And then, they were gone. Y/N helped her father to clean up the kitchen, smelling a strange scent nearby her. He was unusually quiet, but she didn’t want to hear something about London or Dean again. She just wanted to go to bed, feeling pretty satisfied about that evening. She didn’t know why, but Jay seemed to understand it and in fact, he didn’t shoot any question.

She got to bed feeling the scent of Dean still on herself.

***

«We can’t study like this» Olivia said, putting the books aside. «What’s bothering you? London again?»

«Oh, believe me, I wish!»

«Is there something more important than London?»

«Well… do you remember that guy I liked back in high school?»

«Who? That idiot that made you feel like you weren’t enough?» Olivia asked and Y/N nodded. «You’re joking, right?»

«I saw him the other night and I think that he was hitting on me.»

«This can’t be real!» she shouted.

«Please, be quiet» Y/N begged her.

«What was his name? Daniel? Dave?»

«Dean.»

«Dean! Yeah, I remember what you told me about him. He was an ass.»

«Nah, he was just stupid. Now he’s not like that anymore» Y/N said, putting her chin on a hand. A part of her was still thinking about his beautiful green eyes and his hands touching hers.

«Hey! You have to pass this exam, remember?» Olivia said.

«Yes, right. Get back to study.»

Olivia agreed with a smile. She was reading the book again, legs crossed on Y/N’s bed, but Y/N couldn’t. Yeah, London was important, but on the other hand, Dean was her first love. She couldn’t think to leave without knowing if he was just playing with her or not. His eyes were insanely dark the other night, when he was looking at her. Was he just glad that another woman had a crush on him or did it mean something to him? And also, why now? She had so many thoughts in her mind. Then, she noticed that Olivia was staring at her. She was wondering was Y/N was thinking and when she got it, her eyes just popped out like she was a puppet.

«Oh, fuck Dean Winchester!»

Someone opened the door. Y/N almost fell from the bed when she saw who had done that. She prayed that he didn’t hear Olivia.

«Was that an insult or an invitation?» Dean asked, his shoulder lying on the door’s jamb. «I’d prefer the second one» he said with a wink in Y/N’s direction.

Of course, he had to hear that, she thought.

«What are you doing here, Dean?» Y/N asked.

«I was working with your Dad. He wanted me to ask you if you girls would like to take a break from studying and come downstairs» he answered. Olivia kept looking at him like he was the Devil, though. «Do we know each other?» Dean asked, but she shaked her head.

«Not really.»

«It’s definitely time to take a break!» Y/N exclaimed.

Olivia went downstairs, but Dean stopped Y/N from doing that. He closed the door behind himself, scaring her. Why would he do that? It was like they were in some cheap rom-com. That was getting worse.

«Look Y/N, I want to apologize about the other night» he said. Oh, she didn’t see it coming. «I’m not that kind of guy anymore and I just want you to know that. It’s just that… this job is everything I have ever wanted and I’m so scared of screwing things up, that it’s like I’m doing that on purpose because I think I don’t really deserve it, so I try in every way possible to screw up my life too to prove it. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I appreciate what you told me and for that, I promise I won’t use it your weaknesses against you.»

Y/N was overwhelmed by all of that. It seemed like Dean had really became a very mature version of himself and she was really glad he did. Unfortunately, it also made him even more likeable to her.

«Thanks, Dean» she said.

«No problem» he replied with a smile.

And that, that was the moment she knew she fell in love with him all over again. The very start of her downfall.

Two weeks later, she had successfully passed her exam. It was snowing, so she decided to go to a pub near the university with her friends to celebrate. It was Friday night, after all. Olivia came with a gift from her, since she was heading to London and it was a new coat.

«It’s red, but don’t be naive like Little Red Riding Hood» she said, but Y/N didn’t understand what she meant until she didn’t see someone entering from the door. Someone who noticed her and that now was approaching their table.

«Hi! How did your exam go?» Dean asked. Olivia rolled her eyes.

«Well, I just passed it, so I’d say not bad» Y/N answered, happily.

«I knew it! Come here» he said, before he could give her a proper hug. Every inch of her body just burned up.

«Thanks, Dean» she said with a soft smile. She’d have sweared she saw Dean’s eyes shine.

«I’ll leave you to your friends» he said.

She looked at Olivia, who was already shaking her head, but she wanted him to stay really bad, so in the end, after she bit her bottom lip, she called him.

«Dean! Hey, if you’re not busy with your friends, maybe you could… you know… stay.»

Dean smiled and he felt her heart doing a flip.

«Unfortunately I’m here with other professors, but I’ll come around later, is that okay?»

She nodded.

«Yes» she said, lying to him.

Then, the hours passed very quickly. She spent the evening laughing and joking with her friends, but she couldn’t deny that she often glanced at Dean. The thought of being there wih him but far away, killed her from within. It was as if a rib was missing from her body, a limb of her skin that now belonged to him. It belonged to him since she was fifteen, actually.

The pub was about to close. Oliva was very drunk, so she got home with a friend, while the others went away. Maybe it was a dumb idea, but she stayed because of Dean’s promise. Ten minutes later, while she was sitting at the table all alone, someone offered her a beer.

«Hey, I’m here finally» Dean said, taking a seat in front of her.

«Hi» she replied with a tired smile.

Dean wetted his lips before talking.

«I saw your friends leaving and I was wondering… why did you stay here, all alone?» he asked.

Her heart started racing faster and faster in her chest. Did she want him so bad to ruin everything between them? Dean was someone who noticed things so he probably did understand the situation very well. Also, his bad jokes that night at her’s still made her think that maybe he liked her too. Maybe not as much as her, but it was still something. But was it right to settle with someone who didn’t want her completely? Because she wanted Dean in every aspect a human being could be wanted.

«Where’s the catch? Because you said that you didn’t want to use my feelings against me» she said.

Dean clenched his jaw, looking at his hands crossed on the table. He still had the silver ring of his mother. Then, he slowly looked at her, raising his eyelids, so seriously she could swear it was maybe the first time she saw him that way.

«No catch. I just wanna know. You’re free to tell me a lie and I’ll believe it. But please, if you stayed here because you were waiting for me, I’d really love to hear it.»

Her throat was dry.

«Why?»

«Because no one ever did something like this for me. And I know that it probably seem stupid, but it shows me that you care» he answered, with a soft smile on his lips. «So, I’m gonna ask you for the last time, before they kick us out, why did you stay here?»

She swallowed, looking straight into his eyes. They were incredibly green. Constellations of flowers. It was now or never. Her voice was like a winter’s breath, when she spoke.

«For you.»

Then, she couldn’t remember how they arrived to Dean’s apartment, but she remembered very well how his clothes fell on the floor or the way he delicately throw her dress off of her. It was all slowed like in a movie. It almost seemed a dream to her.

«I’m not doing this, if you don’t want me to» Dean said, his thumb brushing her lips.

«I want you, Dean. I’ve always wanted you. Always» Y/N said and then, Dean kissed her so hard, they crumbled on the bed.

She felt the coldness of his ring on her back, while his fingertips were caressing it. Their lips found each other and a spark was born, fuse of the Apocalypse. She felt like collapsing, cut into two parts, completely folded as a blooming flower.

He completed them. Every single empty space. He filled them all.

«Could you repeat it, please? Always.»

She smiled on his lips.

«Always» she whispered, between the kisses. «Always.»

And she kept repeating it all night.

***

She looked at him like he wasn’t supposed to be there, but she was glad he was. It was her graduation day. They’ve been together for three months, without their fathers knowing it, but Sam and Olivia were well aware of that. Never in a million years she would have thought to see that day. To actually see Dean there, standing between her father and Sam, clapping at her with a smile so bright on his face, she could swear it could cure every disease. It was so pure, but mostly, happy and it was all for her. She held back the tears, but it was, without a doubt, the most important day of her life. The most beautiful one. Maybe having faith did help at something.

She got back to Jay, who hugged her tight and said something like My baby has graduated now in a very proud tone of voice. She also hugged John and Sam, before she could finally look at Dean.

«You did it» he said.

«I did it» she repeated, blushing, even if she didn’t know why. He had that influence on her.

«I knew you would have made it» he said and then, he did something she wouldn’t thought he would have done. He kissed her.

It was like her whole world fell apart. He cupped her cheeks and gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. She felt her whole chest burning because of that, her skin collapsing between his hands.

When they parted, she saw the light in his eyes and bit her bottom lip. It was an authentic moment of pure joy. The emotion in his gaze was real. He was real. It was like the universe had accepted every desire she wished for, every year for six years. He meant it. And he was there to see her succeed.

Thank you, her lips mimed.

But his answer surprised her once again: I love you.

She didn’t even have the time to elaborate his words, that her father spoke: «What just happened?»

She felt it. That was the moment he was about to tear Dean away from her. The moment she didn’t want to come. The moment everything fell apart like a castle made of sand. She felt the coldness in her bones, like a warning.

«Jay, please…» John tried to say, but Jay stopped him with the sign of his hand.

«You’re not getting away with this, Dean» Jay said and Dean just shrugged, like it was normal to him.

«I don’t understand, Jay. Did I offend you in any way?» he asked, calmly.

«We’ll talk later.»

And then, she understood. He kissed her on purpose becase it was a public place, so Jay couldn’t say anything because of his reputation, but now he knew about them. Clever, very clever.

After the ceremony, Dean took her hand and they just hid behind the stage. He kissed her, his hands everywhere and nowhere along her dress, that ascended her legs, her stomach, her waist.

«You think you’re smart, Winchester?» she asked, while he was sucking the skin of her neck.

«I think I’m utterly smart, as a matter of fact» he said, looking at her with messy hair and dark eyes.

God, he was so beautiful in that moment.

She laughed. A laugh so clear and free that made Dean smile like a child. It was so unreal.

«He’s gonna kill you, you know that?»

«I already spent three months of Heaven with you, who cares?»

«Heaven? Damn, I have to be a wild fire in bed.»

«Oh, trust me baby, you are» he said and she laughed again.

«Come on now, Sam and your friends are waiting for us. We’re gonna get so drunk tonight, you’re not gonna even remember your own name!» he said with an excited voice, kissing her hand.

«But I’ll certainly still remember you» she replied, with two images of Dean in her eyes like two comets. He gave her a delicate kiss on her lips.

«You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Y/N.»

The next day, Dean got up in a strange room. He wasn’t in his apartment for sure. It looked very different. He looked at his watch: 11 AM. What did he do last night? And then, when he turned, he saw the answer: the girl of his dreams was sleeping next to him. He caressed her hair, left a kiss on her temple and then put on his clothes.

When he got downstairs, he immediately met her father in the kitchen. He saw Dean while he was drinking a cup of coffee.

«’Morning, Jay» he said.

Jay groaned in his direction. He was surely still angry at him. He wanted to talk to him, but he had a terrible headache due to the hungover, so he wasn’t at his best. He sat down at the table, thinking about his next move, when Jay gave him a cup of coffee and an Aspirine.

«I talk, you take this» he started. «Look Dean, we’ve been knowing for years by now and we’re also colleagues, so I think I can say that I know you pretty well. You’re a very good guy, but you’re also a hard person to love. You’re scared of being left behind and for that, I suggest you to use this fear of yours to break up with my daughter.»

Dean almost spilled his tea on Jay.

«What?»

«You heard me. You’re gonna hurt her sooner or later, I know what you do. You think you can take advantage of her, just because she’s been in love with you since she was fifteen?» he asked. Dean looked confused: how did he find that out? Did Y/N tell him? «I’m a single father of a girl, Dean. I had to learn a lot of things. I noticed the way he looked at you. Hell, she still looks at you like that!» he exclaimed. Dean felt flattered about that, but he was still scared of what Jay just said. «I want you to break up with her. Just what you usually do, I think you’re pretty good at that by now.»

And that hurt. Jay was like a second father to him, a friend in some way, a role model and now he was just destroying their relationship. It was too much to handle.

«Jay, I know you’re just trying to protect her, but we’re adults now and…»

«She’s only twenty-one, Dean! She doesn’t even know what life is. She had to understand that hard work pays, that’s why she has to go to London. Life’s not a fairy tale.»

«I get it, but why London? I mean, she could look for some job here or…» Dean tried to argue, but Jay’s glance explained it all to him. And it was heartbreaking. «London was her best chance to forget me, wasn’t it? Your plan has always been this: sending her as far away as possible from me. You helped me to get the job at your university so you could make sure that I couldn’t leave it to follow her» he said. His back slipped along the chair, his throat dry. «You never admired me. It was all a lie.»

«No Dean, don’t get me wrong: I’ve always put my faith on you, because I knew that you were capable of doing great things, but you’re not the perfect fit for my daughter. It’s just as simple as that.»

«You came up with a fucking plan to take her away from me and now you’re even playing the martyr here?» Dean shouted, getting up from the seat. «You’re a monster, Jay. You don’t love your daughter, if you don’t let her decide what she wants from life. And for the record, I’ve changed. I’m not that fuckboy anymore. But maybe you were too busy thinking about your stupid plan to realize that» Dean said and then he got out from the house.

He was furious with Jay. He had always put nothing but trust in that man, confessing him every fear, every thought, every memory and now he just betrayed him like that. He wanted to punch a wall so bad, in that moment. But the worst thing he couldn’t believe he was thinking was that despite all of that, Jay knew that he would have done that.

And he knew that too.

He had avoided her for two days. Olivia had already told her that he was back to his old habits, but she didn’t believe it. Dean had grown. He was not the same guy of some years ago, he was trustworthy and reliable now. A lot people just kept seeing him as someone who wasn’t serious just because that was they wanted to see.

Then, he called.

«Y/N?»

«Hey, Dean.»

«Can we meet, please? I have to tell you something.»

She swallowed.

«Yes, of course. Where?»

«At mine’s. Twenty minutes.»

«Okay. Dean, are you alright?»

«See you later, Y/N.»

He was definitely not fine.

Anyway, she got there twenty minutes later. He opened the door, never even glanced at her and made her enter. He looked terrible, like he didn’t sleep at all for two days. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked very pale. He had some grey sweatpants on and a white t-shirt. It was like turning back time and seeing him when he was studying for the last year of high school. He seemed so lost back then and he seemed so lost now too. It was heartbreaking.

«Dean?»

«Y/N, this could be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do» he began, running a hand through his hair.

«If that’s because I didn’t say it back, you don’t have to…»

«What?» he asked. He seemed so confused. «No, it’s not that.»

«Then what happened, Dean?» she asked, getting closer to him, but he made a step back.

«Please, don’t. Just… don’t» he said. It was like a weight was expanding in his chest. «Y/N, we have to break up» he said, raising his eyelids to look at her in a way that had always made her heart do a flip. But now, it was just tragically painful.

«What? Why?»

«Because you’re going to London now and I don’t do long-distance relationships.»

She made a noise of disbelief.

«You’re joking, right? Please, tell me that you’re joking. This is so stupid.»

«Look, I’ve been abandonded by my Mom when I was a child and you know that. I just don’t want you to leave me too. And London it’s your best chance for a brighter future.»

«You’re what, Freud, now?» she asked, incredulous. It was all ridiculous.

«Just respect my decision, okay? You’ll find someone better than me, I promise» he said, but he could barely look at her while he was doing that. It costed him an enormous amount of strength to say those words.

She sighed, defeated within her bones.

«So, it was all a lie, uh?» she asked, holding back the tears.

Dean clenched his jaw, shaking his head.

«No, of course not. It was all true and we were real, Y/N. It’s just that we can’t do this anymore.»

«Good, because I don’t want to» he replied, with his best poker face. He really seemed cruel. He had to.

She bit her bottom lip.

«I hope you’re satisfied with this ending. I’m certainly not.»

«Endings are never easy. I’m sorry, kiddo.»

«But that’s the matter, Y/N: we were never friends» he said, trying to hurt her even more.

«Well, fuck you, Dean!» she yelled, angrily.

«I’m sorry, ba… Y/N.»

«Fuck you, Dean» she repeated, then she surpassed him to get to the door, but she stopped halfway through it. She bit her bottom lip, then she turned to look at him, who was confused. «You know what, Dean? Fuck you, because you think I don’t know. I heard you shouting the other day, I can only imagine what my father said to you» she said. Dean’s eyes grew wide at that realization. It hit him right in the ribs. «You’ve always understimated yourself, but I did too. Now I know that we were wrong. I remember when you brought me home one night, after the school’s dance. I looked at your face, half soaked in light and you know, you had these crystal green eyes that made me think about a lighthouse, because it helps ships come back to the shore and I thought... I thought they could bring me back home. You’ve always been my home» she said, with tears in her eyes.

Dean felt a lump in his throat, that maybe him unable to talk.

«Please, don’t do this» he begged her.

«Look Dean, I’ve been in love with you for six years now. I blamed it on the alcohol, but since we’re two adults, let’s be honest here: I wanted to say it to you. I wanted you to know that. I hid that for a long time, I was capable of keep going with it, but I didn’t. But since I’m an adult, I also know that life’s not a fairy tale, so when it seemed that you liked me too, I just took the chance. It could have lasted a day or a year, I just wanted that. You. Us. I wanted all of it. I fell in love with you every fucking day for the past six years and despite your bad behaviour sometimes, I still loved you. Or maybe I did because of that, I don’t know. So please, respect my heart and tell me right now, right now Dean, if you’ve ever felt something for me, because I think you owe me this, at least. It’s alright even if you didn’t, but tell me the truth. I think that after everything we’ve been trough, I deserve it. I’m asking you for just one thing.»

Dean looked like he was about to fall apart. His eyes were glossy and red at the corners.

«Repeat the question, please.»

It reminded her of the night at the pub. She nodded, swallowing.

«Did you feel something for me?»

And then, Dean answered something she couldn’t see it coming in six years.

«I did» he said. And then, with his eyes full of tears, he added: «I do.»

She let slip a sob out of her throat.

«Then why are you doing this? Don’t listen to my father and stay with me» she said, caressing his cheek. Dean closed his eyes, leaning into her touch.

«Because I think you should go to London anyway. It’s your best chance. I dont deserve you. I never did. It was just a pretty good fantasy I wanted to believe in.»

She took a step back. His cheek suddenly seemed too cold.

«This is not about you Dean, it’s about me! It’s about the fact that I want you and trust me, besides the graduation, I’ve never wanted anything so bad in my entire life like I want you right now» she said. That word had always been a very strong word for her and now Dean did too. «You were the love of my life when I was young. You still are» she whispered, right before her voice cracked up.

Dean sighed, defeated into his bones.

«I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what else to say.»

And then, she walked away. Dean closed his eyes, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. He had to let her go. She had to go to London, to go away from there. She wasn’t supposed to stay. He just had to accept that. Her father was right: she deserved the world and he was just stopping her from having it.

But she was right about one thing: he was gonna regret it. For the rest of his life.

***

«Are you ready for London?» Olivia asked on FaceTime, smiling. She shrugged. «Y/N, please, stop thinking about Dean. He just made you waste plenty of time. You’re gonna forget about him, you’ll see.»

«Just be honest, Olivia: you never liked him» she said, annoyed.

Olivia sighed.

«I liked him, Y/N. » she confessed, surprisingly. «That’s why I wanted you to never have something with him. Because I knew that he would have anchored you here and you don’t belong to Lebanon. You have the skills to do anything you want. Don’t make a man or anybody, stop you.»

«You knew he liked me?»

«I knew he was head over heels for you the moment he leaned an eye on you the first time I’ve met him» Olivia said.

She held back the tears.

«Thanks, Olivia.»

«You’re welcome. Now pack your things. Tomorrow’s almost here!»

But is that a good day without Dean by her side?

She had just left. He saw her going to the airport on a Taxi. The last time he had seen her had been awful, but this one? This was way worse. Because he didn’t get to actually see her. He just knew it was her in that car, slipping away from his fingers.

«Dean?» Jay called, on the threshold of the door.

«I’m here to talk to you» Dean said, firmly.

Jay let him in, wondering what he could possibily wanted now. He seemed so sure of himself, like he had never been. Maybe he really grew up, somehow. And he didn’t even notice.

«What do you want from me, Dean?»

«You know, I never really got the chance to thank you, Jay. I mean, you helped me get into college, become a professor, make me a father when John wasn’t there… I’m really grateful for that. And you know, I broke up with your daughter as you asked me to, even if I hated every second of what I did. But didn’t give me a chance to explain myself or maybe I just wouldn’t take it, because I was too busy thinking that I wasn’t enough. I did it for almost all of my life, you know that and you never told me that it was bullshit. You know who did? Your daughter» Dean said. Jay clenched his jaw. «So, since I’ve figured out I’m better than the fuckboy you get to know, thanks to her too, I just want to say to you that I’m in love with her and I would have done anything to make her happy, anything» Dean said, with a lump in his throat. It took him a lot to actually say those words out loud. But he was glad he finally did. «She’s the only one. She’s the one for me, Jay. I love her and even if I’m terrified about this, I want to be with her. I just want to be around her until I can and until she’ll let me to. Please, don’t take this away from me. Please» he begged him.

Jay put a hand on his shoulder, nodding.

«I appreciate your words son, I really do, but I can’t let you stop her. I’m sorry.»

Dean took a step back, disappointed.

«No, you’re not.» Dean said, with disgust in his voice. «You know what? Screw you, Jay. I’m gonna get her back and I’m gonna follow her to London. I won’t spend another day without her. We already lost too many of them.»

And with that, he was already in his Impala to get to her. He arrived at the airport and began to look for her the second he took a foot inside. But since life’s not a fairy tale, when he found her gate, it was already too late.

She was gone.

He got back at his apartment, sighing. He had lost her forever and the worst part of that was that he had done that to himself. He opened the door and felt empty.

«Dean» someone whispered his name in a soft tone.

He turned to look at Y/N behind him, who was getting up from the stairs.

«Y/N? What are you doing here?»

«I didn’t leave. Can I come in, please?»

He nodded.

«Sure.»

She entered.

«A good friend told me that I was capable of doing anything I wanted and I thought that letting my Dad decide about my future was not what I wanted. That’s why I got back» she explained. «But I don’t want you to stop me either. So I’m just here to tell you that I’ll move to Chicago, so I can use my degree properly» she said. Dean lacked of words. «That’s it? I mean, I didn’t think you could say something like I’ll come with you, sweetheart, but maybe…»

«I was at the airport» he finally said.

«What?» she asked, confused.

«Your father didn’t give me the permission to go after you, but I did it anyway. I was ready to go to London with you» he confessed, clenching his jaw.

«Really?»

«Yes» he said and he was about to fall into pieces for saying that. «Chicago sounds alright too. I don’t really care.»

«But your job… and you hate flying!» she exclaimed.

«I’d hate to spend the rest of my life without you, sweetheart» he said, caressing her shoulders with a smile. «Is it a better answer than the one you expected?»

She nodded, a lump in her throat.

«It’s the best answer you could ever give to me» she said, before he kissed her.

#dean winchester imagine #dean winchester ff #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #jensmakemecrychallenge #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #jensen ackles x reader #dean winchester smut #erule's masterlist

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when-the-petals-fall · 3 years ago

Text

Mean It

Talk to me more

You're a little bit bored, I'm a little bit tired

We don't fight though

You've been acting so cold, I don't know what you wanted

Every time we touch it's like the last time

Even with living under the same roof, we hardly talk, it’s like we’re strangers once again. The only indication he knows I’m there is a simple nod my way. He sits there, looking bored, everyday. The same routine, the old boring routine. I’m tired, I’m so tired, my body aches for sleep, for rest. I just can’t give in, not yet. I lay on the cold bed, thinking, why do we do this to ourselves, it’s not like we fight either. We should be fine, we should be happy, but we aren’t. He brushes me off, always, no matter what. It hurts, but I never bring it up, because what's the point? The only time during the day that we touch each other is when you’re leaving for work. Just a simple kiss on the cheek, not much, but still something.

Holding onto something when it's not right

Tell me to my face that you are all mine

You don't know what I'm feeling

Sometimes our touches linger, like we want more, to say or do something more, but we don’t. I don’t remember the last time we said those three words. I can’t recall the last time you called me yours, or I called you mine. I never bring this up to you, why should I?

Maybe that thing you said under your breath, you mean it

Holding onto thin lines until we just walk between 'em

Getting so loud, I can't pretend that I don't hear 'em

Maybe that thing you said under your breath, you mean it

I know you mean it

I play dumb, and act like i don’t hear you at night, on the phone, or when you walk out the door, or when you show up late at night. Some reason we still hold on though, maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s something else. They say that actions speak louder than words, and goddamn are they right. Sometimes they’re so fucking loud that I can’t ignore them anymore. Especially when you mutter things under your breath, hoping I don’t hear you.

Do we let go

Are we too far gone I don't know where we started

I guess I don't know

Where took a wrong turn, everything got harder

I don’t know what we should do, what I should do. Should we let go, are we to far gone, broken beyond repair? What happened to us, we used to be so lively, so happy, so full of….love. What should we do?

Song Inspiration-Mean It by Gracie Abrams

#mean it #gracie abrams #angst #songfic #song inspo #been listening to it on repeat

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ghive · 4 years ago

Photo

three chords ⋆ shawn mendes x reader

inspired by because i had you by shawn mendes

a/n: this is definitely not my first time writing for shawn, but it is my first time posting my work on this blog! initially, i wanted to write a few blurbs first, but this is my debut i guess! i planned this in may because i was planning on writing fics for every song on sm3, which obviously didn’t happen, but now it’s august and i’m finally done. yay for lily.

also i obviously don’t currently have a taglist but if you wanna be added you can send me an ask (or a request!) here

warnings: angst, swearing, anxiety attack

word count: 3.4k

playlist

the 1 ⋆ taylor swift

out of love ⋆ alessia cara

raindrops (an angel cried) ⋆ ariana grande

about you ⋆ fletcher

arms of a stranger ⋆ niall horan

under / over ⋆ gracie abrams

because i had you ⋆ shawn mendes

***

it’s late, but shawn’s not home. he’s been out all day at the studio; he’s been spending more time out writing and recording, so it’s not an unfamiliar situation. it’s empty, too; the air, your heart. you sit at the piano, the view of the toronto skyline almost invisible in your attempt to fill the growing void with song.

three chords, that’s all you’re playing. but you find a small comfort in the melody. it’s simple, unbothered by the tears welling in your eyes. it rings out in the room, like the buzz of the metal had as you dropped the promise ring into the dish that sat on shawn’s nightstand, just an hour earlier.

the door closes, keys jingle, footsteps sound throughout the condo. your fingers dance across the keys one more time, one last time. you’re soft, gentle, with your movements. three chords, two broken hearts, one more moment before it all breaks forever.

you turn around to look at him, hoping the darkness will conceal your glossy eyes. “hi,” you breathe out, pressure rising in your chest as you look over his shadowed face. those warm brown eyes, the scar on his cheek, the soft blush caused by the cool night air. he’s glowing, he always is, but his light is dimming. it hurts.

“it’s late, y/n. you didn’t have to wait for me,” he says, removing his jacket and hanging it up.

“i know, i wasn’t waiting. i mean, i was, but not for you,” you reply in a quiet voice, standing up from your seat at the piano.

“what were you waiting for?”

you ignore his question. “dinner’s on the counter for you to heat up. i would’ve put it in the fridge when i made it but i wasn’t sure when you’d get home.”

“i’m sorry i’m so late, baby. i just got caught up at the studio, and we were writing and lost track of time-” he rambles, explaining his absence.

“it’s okay shawn, really. go eat. i’ll be awake if you need anything,” you urge, a sad smile painted across your face. he walks to the kitchen as you head toward your bedroom. you grab your last-minute items, your purse, passport. most of your belongings are already in the car - you’re not surprised if shawn’s noticed that the condo’s just a bit more empty - but you can’t be bothered if he has.

you walk into the kitchen, bag in hand. he sits at the table, playing with his food as he fiddles with his phone. you study him for a moment, for the last time. “i, uh, i should go,” you stutter out from your place in the doorway.

he looks up with wide eyes. “where?”

“away.” you close your eyes, a tear slipping out. you feel like your world is crashing down around you, leaving you alone and exhausted.

“y/n,” he stands up, approaching you slowly. you feel like glass, even though he isn’t touching you. fragile, but sharp in the softest way only heartbreak can cause.

“you were right. the other day, on the phone with connor. you’re better off without me. i’m sorry for holding you back.” you brush your fingers across his cheeks. holding him gently, you press a kiss to his lips.

you rest your forehead against him, eyes closed, breathing synced. you step back towards the front door. “i love you,” you say, looking him dead in the eye. he’s still, silent, the situation only settling in once it’s too late. the door opens and closes, you’re gone.

“i love you, too.”

the walk to the underground parking area seems to last forever as you try not to let the tears spill from your eyes. as soon as you sit down in your car, though, a sob cuts through the cool night air.

you cover your face with your hands, salty tears rushing down your cheek and into your shaking palms. you hide away in that position, not sure from whom - maybe yourself, for a few minutes, before sitting up to lean your head back against the seat.

“maybe he’ll finally be happy,” you whisper into the darkness.

he only wishes you were right.

***

that was five months ago, and shawn’s reality is just settling in. sure, you’ve rushed to move on, forget him, but you look happy. you are happy, and you’re sure shawn is too. it’s what he wanted, after all, how could he not be?

he’s not sure how he isn’t, either. but every time he hears your name, or sees your face on a mutual friend’s social media, it gets a little harder. those five months ago, that phone call with connor, the consequences, everything’s still so clear in his mind. it burns more than his tongue when he sips his coffee too soon or touches the flame as he lights candles around the condo. it burns more than anything, and as more time passes, he just wishes he had you to soothe the pain.

his album just came out, and while you haven’t listened to it, your friends have. you don’t mind the sound of his voice, or his name. you try not to dwell on him too much, and that’s easier said than done, but you broke up for him. so, you’re trying to move on for yourself. not to mention the fact that your boyfriend would riot if you even mentioned your ex’s name, and you’re not ready to fight with him, too.

macy’s playlist is on shuffle as the two of you drive through the southern ontario countryside. it’s a calm, safe space, hardly a care in the world as you laugh at your best friend from the passenger seat. that is, until a certain voice sounds from the speakers, his voice.

“what song is this?” you ask, the first few lyrics swirling in your brain.

“because i had you, it’s one of shawn’s new songs so if you want to skip it you can.” macy smiles apologetically, not wanting to upset you.

“no, no it’s okay.”

you just listen. to the lyrics, to the melody, there's something so familiar about it. the song, it’s so obvious, is about you, about that night five months ago. the time it’s taken for you to let go, to finally find a bit of peace.

it’s all fine, maybe you felt yourself tear up just a bit, until you hear those three chords. the three chords that had echoed in the void of your heart for weeks after you left. you weren’t upset with him for using the melody, it was so simple, he probably didn’t even remember it was yours. but the song, the story, your story, you just can’t help but wonder.

***

he remembers. he remembers all of it. the shakiness of your breath before you left, the melody you were playing to make it all go away. shawn knows he should’ve asked you if he could use it in his song, but he couldn’t face you. as much as he craves you, he just has to let go.

he hopes you don’t listen to the album, that you won’t notice that almost every song he’s written since that night and years before has been about you. that when you walked out that door, he’d both gained and lost the most beautiful muse. but if you do listen to it, you’ll know. you’ll know the story, and you’ll know he’s sorry.

you know, and it hurts so much more than you could’ve imagined. in the months since the breakup, his voice had never really bothered you, but when you could tell that you caused the pain he had written about, every single word hit you a little deeper. as soon as you walk into your empty apartment, you drop your bags and collapse on the sofa.

you feel cold, even as you snuggle deeper into the cushions and you feel yourself start to sweat. you swear you can hear someone moving around you, even though your roommate is out on a business trip all week. you’re dizzy, you’re sweating, your head’s pounding. your heart starts to race, your breathing quickens. “i can’t do this right now, i can’t fucking do this,” you choke out.

you rub your hands up and down your arms to ground yourself, shutting your eyes tightly. it’s not stopping you from working up into a panic, and it definitely doesn’t help when his words sound in your head. “you’re okay, baby. i’m here. it’s just me, it’s just shawn,” he’d say to comfort you. it did comfort you, or, it used to, but this time it just sent you farther away from your peace of mind.

“but i’m not okay, and you’re not here. it’s just me.”

***

you lie in bed awake, every little sound amplified in the darkness: the buzz from the air conditioning, the flapping of your curtains, the roar of the cars from the downtown street below. it’s like the sudden return of heartbreak broke the numbness you’ve been living in, bringing you back to the harsh reality of what you used to have.

you sit up in bed, then reach over drowsily to grab your phone. the screen lights up with a picture of you and some friends at the top of the empire state building a few years ago, you had been visiting shawn on tour and met up with them while you were there. you squint slightly as your eyes adjust to the sudden brightness, 2:39 am reads the clock when you can see properly. you open your phone to the home screen before selecting the spotify app. you sigh, then type in his name. “this is probably a really bad idea.”

shawn mendes it reads, the cover of his self-titled album shining brightly into your bedroom. his face split into three, flowers growing in the empty spaces. it’s much prettier than his other two album covers, much more artistic. he’d never really had an eye for design, so you can’t imagine it had been his idea.

you press play, the first track starting to sound out loud before you pause it to grab your earbuds. once you’re settled, you start the song again, and start to hurt, again.

every song, you can tell when it was written. in my blood, you’ve heard that one before. shawn said it was one of the most vulnerable pieces he’s ever written.

nervous, it’s what he used to be like around you told through a story; not quite the same, but it’s yours. it’s the adrenaline of a young relationship, the excitement of someone new.

lost in japan, he’d written just for fun - you remember him coming home from the studio so tired but so excited, it was a new sound, and it was the start of a new era.

where were you in the morning?, it’s a situation you’re sure he’s encountered numerous times since the end of your relationship. you hadn’t heard even a bit of it before.

like to be you, it’s the exact dynamic you two always had when you were in a fight; it’s perfect. “julia michaels!” he had said that evening when he walked in the door. “i can’t wait for you to hear this song, honey.” if only you had known.

fallin’ all in you, has you in tears almost immediately: the first verse encompasses what you had, the second verse what could’ve been. you had plans, the two of you, to have a few kids, grow old together. “trapped up on a tightrope, now we’re here,” shawn sings.

“where did we get lost?” you think as the song finishes. you used to be so sure that you’d last, and he was too. you wish you knew when he fell out of love, when that promise of forever became empty.

particular taste, it’s new; you hadn’t heard it until now. the girl, whoever she is, you just wish that you could be her, even for only a moment. to have him completely mesmerized, to be that kid in love.

why, you’re not sure why it hurts you the way it does - it doesn’t even line up with your relationship, but the feeling it awakens is all too familiar. it’s like your heart had heard it in another world, waiting for the day it would run through your mind like it had your blood. the feeling confuses you, but as the song comes to a close, you close your eyes to cry a bit, too.

because i had you, there it is, that song. it’s so stupid how it breaks your heart - you thought you had gotten it all for yourself, now. yet, the song rips it to shreds, tearing away at the memories you’ve tried so desperately to let go of. he did this to himself, you think, but you wonder if you hadn’t gone, maybe neither of you would be so broken.

queen, it’s new, too. with every song you haven’t heard before, jealousy burns a little hotter. you’re glad this “queen” isn’t you, but you wish that the songs that were about you weren’t so sad.

youth, it’s cute. a nice refresher from the love songs, but nothing worth dwelling on. the message is powerful, but you’re too distracted by the love songs and heartbreak anthems to pay much attention.

mutual, you remember hearing it before. it was always fun for shawn to play with fiction, test his storytelling abilities, so when this song came around, he was more than excited to put it out. it’s a bit more basic lyrically, but the melodies and aesthetic appeal to your tired ears.

perfectly wrong, it seems innocent at first, but as the song goes on, the lyrics start to set in. it’s the story of what you and shawn were before you left - he’d probably written it around the time of the breakup. you just wish he had said it to your face.

when you’re ready, it’s probably the most sickeningly cute song you’ve ever heard. of course, it’s familiar, you’d heard him playing the melody, or something similar, just a couple of years ago. it’s clear that he’d written it early in your relationship or been inspired by that time, and it’s adorable, but it pains you to hear how hopeful you both were. you genuinely thought you would last, get married, grow old together, and it seems that shawn did, too.

you know your boyfriend won’t like that you’re listening to shawn’s music, he hates shawn more than you ever could. you can’t even say you hate him, after all, he’s the one who fell out of love. you hate that you had to leave, you hate that you’ll never look at a piano the same way again, you hate that you’ve become the muse of his heartbreak songs; but you could never hate shawn, not when you still love him more than anything.

you think maybe you’ll never get over him, they say you’ll always remember your first love. but for now you just hope that you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay like you thought he would be. it’s too late to go back for him, run back into the apartment and beg to fix your relationship. he was supposed to be your forever, but you know that dream’s long gone, you woke up to hellish flames and the screaming chaos of your mind and reality. shawn’s too far gone, and you need to stop reaching.

you’re happy with your current relationship, aesthetically, anyway. he’s there for you, and he’s supportive, and he’s lovely. his job is secure, you know that you can call and know that “soon” means a few hours, not weeks. it’s a storybook romance, he’s perfect for you, and you’re perfect for him. it should be working, and it might be if your heart wasn’t so broken, but you still feel the butterflies start to fade, and the sparks starting to cool down.

part of you, somewhere deep down, knows that you and shawn could’ve figured something out, that you should’ve; but he didn’t fight for you when you left, and you didn’t speak up when you had the chance. you were only 16 when you fell in love, just high school lovers who thought you could be more. you were young, and reckless, and hopeful. everyone warned you that it wouldn’t last, but you wouldn’t listen.

you would lie under the stars, shawn would tell you that you were meant to be forever, that those very stars had aligned perfectly for you to meet. one of those nights, you were 18, you sat in the back of his jeep. “hey babe?” shawn said, looking over at you fondly.

“what’s up?”

“i think we have one of the greatest loves of all time, truly. like nobody’s perfect, but we’re perfect for each other, y’know?”

“yeah, yeah i do know, and i agree.” you smiled, then kissed him softly. in the back of his jeep, under the stars, pretending like you’d go down in history. and for that moment in time, you thought that maybe you would.

***

your sister still asks if shawn will come back, she’s only a kid, she wouldn’t know better. but you know that he won’t, he can’t. he can write songs that’ll never see the light of day and text messages he’ll never send, but he can’t come back to you.

he can’t come back to your family, to those nights spent all together, teaching him how to make your favourite foods, dancing in the kitchen to songs he’d never heard. he can’t come back to sitting at the large, round table to eat the meal that he could never get quite right, but always tasted perfect because he had put so much love and care into trying.

you want to forget so desperately, you can’t take seeing his honey eyes staring back at you when you’re trying to fall asleep, the ache you feel when you sit down at a piano. he haunts you, living in the depths of your mind and the sharpness of your breath. you want to tell him to go away, leave you in peace. but he lingers, as does his power over you.

shawn’s trying to move on, too. but in the eyes of every one-night stand, every failed date, you’re right there. you’re not his, and he knows it all too well. he has to let go, he has to, but he doesn’t. he knows he broke your relationship, that he was just upset and confused and it ruined his life. he wants to text you, at least tell you he’s sorry.

but right now he’s staring up at the ceiling of his apartment, another woman beside him, curled up in his sheets. she’s beautiful, dark eyes to match the warm brown of her skin. she glows in the morning sunlight, long eyelashes fluttering slightly with every slow breath.

she’s kind, and warm, and loving. she’s supportive when shawn needs her, and she can take care of herself without his constant attention. from afar, she’s everything shawn needs and has ever needed, but to shawn, she’ll never be just right for him, because she’s not you.

he looks down at his shirtless chest, gently pulling the covers off his side of the bed. he pulls on his boxers, a pair of basketball shorts next. he looks back at her, watching as she opens her eyes slightly, a small yawn leaving her plump lips.

she reaches over to the other side of the bed, but when she feels the empty space, she fully opens her eyes. shawn’s standing in the doorway of the bedroom, now fully-clothed, but exhausted.

“you good?” she asks, bringing the sheets up with her to cover her bare chest as she sits up against the headboard.

“i’m so sorry,” shawn chokes out. “i just can’t love you the way you want me to. i want to but i can’t-“ he shuts his eyes tightly, “-i can’t.”

“it’s her, isn’t it?”

“yeah, yeah it is.”

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