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whimperwoods · 3 years

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Part 14 of Anna and Gozukk

This time, a new perspective. Because Jak just will not stay in the background. Jak gets a migraine and Anna turns out to be a real grown-up after all.

The masterpost is here and includes a cheat sheet with character names/relationships.

tw: past slavery (series), tw: past abuse (series), tw: migraines, tw: child whumpee (kind of? he’s 8 and gets migraines and that sucks. but no one in his world would ever ever hurt him on purpose)

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

Tag list: @redwingedwhump, @nine-tailed-whump, @thehurtsandthecomfurts @kixngiggles, @bluebadgerwhump, @dragonheart905, @carolinethedragon, @whumpzone, @newbornwhumperfly, @cupcakes-and-pain, @much-ado-about-whumping, @winedark-whump

****

Jak gritted his teeth, knowing his mom was right about Uncle Gozukk’s tent. It would be better there, but walking through the sunlight and trying not to run into anyone was almost hard enough not to make up for it. Everything was fuzzy around the edges, dark lines shimmering around people and tents and carts and making him feel dizzy.

It was a relief to step into his uncle’s tent, even with the brazier in the middle of the front room lit and glowing.

Miss Anna looked up in surprise, losing her grip on a bowstring that sprung away from the bow she was trying to string. Jak faked a smile to reassure her, but he wasn’t sure it was a very good one.

Her brow furrowed. “Are you ok?” she asked softly.

He shrugged one shoulder. “Kinda? I get these headaches sometimes where it’s just half my head really hurts and everything looks funny and all the noises are too loud.”

She put the bow down and stepped forward, laying the back of her hand against his forehead to check his temperature and all of a sudden, she was a real grown-up, after all. Some of the tension in his shoulders relaxed, not that it helped the pain much.

“Well, you don’t have a fever,” she said, her voice lower and softer, almost hard to hear, but soothing. “Do you want me to put the fire out?”

She was already moving to douse the brazier, so he nodded, letting her.

The tent got dimmer, easing some of the pain, and he stood in the middle of the floor, hugging himself around the middle. Usually, he laid down on Uncle Gozukk’s sleeping mat when this happened, but that seemed weird with Miss Anna here.

“Let’s get you back away from the entrance where it’s darker,” she said, her voice still soft and low. Her hand on his shoulder guided him toward a pile of cushions and he went along, relaxing a little further as she took charge.

“Did you get headaches when you were a kid?” he asked.

“Not like the kind you get,” she answered, sitting down beside him as he laid down on the thick carpet, “But I did get a lot of illnesses. I got all the stuff human kids get and all the stuff elf kids get, so it got a little rough sometimes.”

He hugged a small pillow and curled onto his side, closing his eyes and pressing his throbbing temple against the ground. Miss Anna brushed his hair back from his face, but his messy curls sprang back forward, as usual, instead of staying back where she’d pushed them.

Her hand started rubbing the back of his neck, massaging at the base of his skull, on either side of his spine. “Does that help?” she asked gently.

“I think so,” he answered, almost at a whisper.

She hummed in response and her hand kept moving, soothing and surprisingly strong.

Lying in the quiet, even with the gentle massage, just made it impossible to ignore the radiating throbs of pain through the right side of his head, but talking in common was hard when he was this tired, even though he was the best one his age at it. He bit his lip and tried to think, but that was hard, too.

His head kept pulsing, and he decided what he needed most was a distraction.

“Miss Anna?” he asked softly.

“Yeah?”

“Can you talk to me? So I don’t have to notice?”

“Of course,” she said, “What do you want to talk about?”

“I dunno. Common’s hard, ‘cause my head hurts.”

“Oh. I don’t know any orcish yet.”

“Do you wanna know how to say hi?” he asked.

“Sure. How would I say, ‘Hi, I’m Anna?’“

He told her, and she repeated it, pronouncing it not quite right. At least that was something to focus on. He corrected her and she tried again until she got it. Then he taught her how to tell people what tribe she was from, and listened to her try out the sounds until she got them right.

“What else do you think’s most important?” she asked, scooting closer. He rearranged to rest his head in her lap and she started rubbing at the sides of his nose instead, right at the bottom of his eyebrows. “Is this better, or is the one at the back of your neck better?”

He shrugged his free shoulder, not sure. “I dunno. They’re both better, I think?”

She hummed, continuing to massage pressure points around his head and neck, but as the silence stretched out, he found himself focused on the pain again, awash in it without a distraction.

“How come you know all this stuff?” he asked.

“My mom and I were kind of all we had,” she said, “And we didn’t have much money. So we had to learn some tricks instead of calling a healer. Doesn’t always work out, though.”

She sounded sad, and when he worked up the guts to turn his head and look up at her, he could tell from her face that she actually was.

“Oh,” he said. “You don’t need money for a healer here. So it’ll be ok now.”

She smiled, still looking sad. “Thanks, Jak. That’s good to know.”

“Oh!” he said, half sitting up. “I forgot! Emve said his grandma said I should tell Uncle Gozukk that Elder Mazogga wants to see you.”

Miss Anna ran a hand through his hair again. “It’s alright, Jak. You just rest. We’ll tell your uncle when he comes back for lunch.”

He laid back down, resting his head in her lap. She massaged his temple.

“Any other really important words for me to learn?” she asked.

“Please and thank you,” he said, “You don’t have to be polite in common if the other people are being rude first, ‘cause then you gotta be direct and just get to the point, but you always gotta be polite in orcish.”

“Ok, how do I say those?”

By the time she had “Please,” “Thank you,” “Yes, please,” and “No, thank you” down, he’d been distracted from the pain long enough to start feeling tired, and he thought maybe Miss Anna could tell, because she’d moved from massaging pressure points to just running her fingers gently through his hair at his temple.

“I think maybe you should try to get some rest,” she suggested softly, “I don’t think I can remember more than that at a time.”

He nodded, trying to focus on her hand in his hair instead of the throbbing, and gradually, he fell asleep.

#whump #fantasy whump #d&d whump #hurt/comfort #migraines #gozukk and anna #i'll give you 3 guesses what my morning was like #fun fact common lessons are his favorite lessons bc then he gets to talk instead of just trying to sit still and listen #he takes those lessons with kids a few years older than him and runs his mouth a mile a minute like the little adhd baby he is #he's felt proud to be able to help Miss Anna like the grownups are but right now he's just relieved that SHE'S a grownup and can help HIM #sometimes you're just a kid and you hurt and you want a grownup

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whimperwoods · 3 years

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Hi again! How about favourite clothes for Gozukk and/or Anna?

Ooh, I love this one! Gonna do both lol.

Gozukk:

Favorite clothes: Soft ones. In an ideal world, Gozukk would never have to wear formal regalia or battle armor. In an ideal world, he gets to just wear whatever he owns that's softest and not worry about whether it goes together.

Least favorite clothes: He understands why neck armor makes sense and is important, and he wears it, but gosh he hates it. Doesn't even like scarves when he's somewhere cold, and armor is much heftier than a scarf.

Memory: His oldest shirt is very soft from wear and washing and he should probably get rid of it because it's so threadbare that he's sure his elbow's gonna just fully poke through one of these days, but the thing is that there's a faint stain on the back of his shoulder where Jak spat up when he was just a tiny baby and Gozukk's kind of nostalgic about it. Djaana thinks he's ridiculous, and keeps trying to throw it out. But Jak was born 2 weeks early and Djaana's husband was a few days out, still, because he'd been coming home for the baby and the baby was early, and Jak spent quite a number of his earliest hours cradled against Gozukk's chest for warmth any time Djaana was being tended to and couldn't hold him. It was exciting that Jak spit up on his shirt because it was exciting that Jak was warm enough that he was wearing a shirt. Djaana says that's not how the timeline worked. Djaana is right. Gozukk's still not getting rid of the shirt yet, though.

Anna:

Favorite: Anna likes and appreciates her current set of old hand-me-downs, but in her ideal world, she'd like to own a bright blue dress, the color of the sky out here in the open, and for it to fit comfortably but also be cute.

Least favorite: The dress she wore with the caravan. She's not sure what Djaana did with it, but if it hasn't been burnt, she's considering doing it herself.

Memory: Anna's mother always said she looked good in green. She remembers fighting for a yellow dress instead, and her mom finally agreeing. Her dress with the caravan was pale yellow, before it was just filthy, and now she's not sure she'd ever make the same choice again. She wouldn't mind a green dress, either.

#gozukk and anna #ask memes #thanks!!#i'm starting to feel calmer now #for many reasons not just this one but also bc i had this to do!#gozukk is best uncle #blue's not the easiest dye to come by but maybe don't rule it out lol

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whimperwoods · 3 years

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Now that Jak got his own perspective chapter I broke down and made him on Heroforge, so here’s what he looks like, all dressed up for archery training and feeling SO cool:

#gozukk and anna #jak #character art #gozukk doesn't have a favorite nephew but he does have VERY GOOD nephews #all his niblings are the best

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whimperwoods · 3 years

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The weather here keeps changing between heavy rain and full sunshine and it gives me migraines and I hate it?? Anyway I get more sound sensitive than light sensitive so I’ve basically been making visuals for my characters all day? Turns out good orcs are hard to find, so have some Heroforge-mini-I-can’t-afford screenshots of Anna and Gozukk’s crew:

Just a little half-elf everybody’s worried about. Post new clothes and getting her hand bandaged. At some point they’ll probably dress her in something nicer than hand-me-down basics, but Djaana, being both highly reasonable and a mom, has no intention of making her new clothes until they can feed her up a little and she won’t immediately grow out of anything she makes her that doesn’t have to be held against her body with a belt. They’ll try to get her to a stable weight and then Djaana will make her a new dress. Or help her make one. They have not worked out what Anna is good at/can do yet, just that she is very hurt and very skinny.

Speaking of Djaana, she gets to be next because I was just talking about her?

Just a big orcish mama here to help! And tell her brother off as needed, even if he is the chief now.

Aaaand, speaking of the chief:

This pose is called “helping hand,” which seems about right. Obviously, this is him casual at home, not the way he greets strangers or goes to battle. A good boy somehow looking inescapably like he’s from Wallace and Gromit the moment I let him smile, but oh well.

And finally, his best friend and general, Azzor, who absolutely cannot be allowed to know that he gets in extra archery practice sometimes when he has bad dreams:

Azzor is basically always ready for battle, but not in an edgelord way, just in a “general who takes his responsibilities seriously and is always ready to go” kind of way. If Gozukk has to go run and put armor on in an emergency, that’s fine, because plenty of other folks will too and because he’ll be running a controlled offensive. Azzor’s gotta be ready to run with whoever’s already suited up the minute an emergency happens.

#gozukk and anna #face clams #she tagged unironically #or something #heroforge's new color options are blowing my mind???#i'm not gonna try to do the kids but here's the grownups #might do Mazogga if they ever make it to talk to her rip #i love her and her best friend who y'all HAVEN'T EVEN MET YET maybe in another 3 chapters they'll finally cooperate and go see her idk

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whimperwoods · 3 years

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It's the next day but- favourite and least favourite weapons for Gozukk?

I woke up with a new headache and lawnmower noises outside, so it was actually great timing? Also I love this question.

Favorite: Gozukk loves polearms, and prefers to use a glaive, but feels conflicted about it. What he really likes about them is that the longer reach means it's easy for him to stay mobile and disengage from one enemy to switch to another if one of his allies needs backup. The old chief was a two-handed-sword-up-in-your-face kind of guy, which was kind of inspiring if you were on the battlefield with him, but many of Gozukk's people have come to prefer the rush of relief that comes with suddenly finding your chief is behind you when you've taken a bad hit, slashing into whoever hurt you and sometimes entirely taking them down. Gozukk himself worries that he's secretly just a coward or squeamish or something because he wants a reach weapon that keeps him at some distance from the violence. He's never said that aloud, or people would have told him off for it.

Least Favorite: Bludgeoning weapons. He'll use one if they're on a mission to destroy a bunch of undead, because crushing is particularly effective against things that are only bones, but other than that, he hates how it feels to smash things. It's war, and he's hurting people, and he understands that, but something about bludgeoning just feels extra brutal somehow, even though he's fully aware that, say, cutting through the back of a person's knee so that their leg gives out is also brutal. It just... feels less bad? Somehow? LEAST least favorite is a flail. He doesn't hate a long-handled/two-handed peasant's flail as much, but a one handed ball and chain style flail just adds difficulty and flourishes to the kind of crushing damage he already doesn't prefer.

Memory: Young orcs who want to be fighters train a little bit with everything. Gozukk's passable with any fighting style, really, but Azzor always wants to know what's happening everywhere at once, which makes him a good general and a good field archer and not an ideal close-quarters fighter because, at least when they were young, he was pretty constantly distracted. Gozukk remembers the first time they were training and he got a surprise strike in with a polearm. It was right after Azzor got thumped pretty hard for twisting around to see how everyone else was doing, and he switched targets to back up his best friend on a whim, yelling at him to pay attention.

#ask memes #gozukk and anna #chit chattery #thanks for this question!! It was fun to think about!!#now there's a literal woodchipper running across the street and I think my head's going to explode so I needed the distraction #I think they're having to remove one of the trees that's been tearing up the sidewalk before it starts tearing up the road #which is sad #but also annoying because SO LOUD OMG

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whimperwoods · 3 years

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Still thinking about that names post from earlier so here’s some Name Lore for Anna and for Gozukk’s tribe:

Anna informed me of her name. I realized around chapter 6 that there could be vague parallels to The King And I/Anna and the King of Siam, which I’m not best pleased by, but it was too late by then and also it IS her name. Kind of. It’s actually a shortening of her full name, which is elvish, but she stopped using the whole/real thing to seem more human. Her unshortened name will be revealed eventually, and I know exactly how but don’t yet know when because oh man I keep getting surprised. Unclear if she’ll start using her full name or take a new nickname, but right now it feels unlikely? Azzor will be calling her Gmeling for the rest of her natural-born life, but it is not yet clear if this nickname will be used by anyone else.

The orc tribe has a particular naming convention whereby syllables are added as a person ages. Orcs age a little faster than humans, but not so fast that when they get their second syllable some time between 10 and 12, they count as full adults. Rather, the second syllable is an indication that the child has proven themself to be responsible and mature. Young people with 2 syllables have already been working (in a chores/pitching in/all hands needed way, not a 9-to-5/child labor way) but once they are accepted as mature, they start learning about specific roles they might take and the specific training those roles might require. They are trusted to make their own decisions about where their skills are most useful, what they can do on their own and what they need help with, and how to collaborate and prioritize activities with other people.

Obviously, these are tricky skills to learn, but 2-syllable kids get to start taking more responsibility for themselves and having more autonomy as they grow toward adulthood. They are also included in whole-tribe discussions and decisions, which aren’t terribly common but are generally quite important. A 12-year-old’s opinion won’t carry as much weight as a 30-year-old experienced tracker’s (etc) but they’re considered mature enough to be present and included. The second syllable name itself is chosen by the child, but in collaboration with parents, siblings, close friends, and mentors. It’s not uncommon for kids on the cusp of coming of age to be trying out new names in half-whispers and/or in intimate spaces with just the people they’re closest to.

3rd syllables are reserved only for elders, and they generally take their third syllable in their 60th year. Between the challenges of their environment and the ever-present danger that they might be attacked by neighboring groups who fear them or travelers who hate them, most orcs hope but don’t assume that they’ll live to see their third syllable (it’s a thing they think about as happening someday, but not a thing they plan for like people plan ahead for retirement). The claiming of a third syllable is accompanied by an extensive celebration of the person’s life, accomplishments, and character, but also by a reaffirmation of the tribe’s responsibilities toward each other. The new elder promises to provide wise council and to help teach the young and pass on their knowledge. The rest of the community promises to care for them and support them for the rest of their lives, in honor of what they have done and will do, and in honor of the love that binds them. (They would take care of them anyway but sometimes you just have to say these things aloud.)

The three-syllable name is generally chosen only by the elder themself, but it’s also sometimes a collaborative process with particularly close friends. If Azzor and Gozzuk and/or the twins make it to age 60 together, they’re likely to collaborate in their choices, which is always a sign of a particularly bangin’ party to come when their birth season rolls around.

Final major subpoint, Djaana’s name came to me whole cloth, which was quite irritating because it 1) is not dissimilar from Anna, and 2) starts with a sound that we kind of do and kind of do not use in English, the only language I speak with any fluency. Thanks, Djaana? It’s one of those sounds that some other languages make distinctions about, but I don’t know which languages and English just slaps a j or g on and moves on. One of them middle-of-the-mouth affricates or maybe fricatives that I know some folks have more of in their language than me but other folks have fewer of and I have no idea who for either category.

As far as the kids’ generation goes, Jak’s bestie Emve is two years older and got his second syllable quite early. Jak’s looking likely to be a late name-bloomer. The “twins” got their second syllables a little over a year apart from each other, and there’s just… a lot there. Enz was not thrilled to be behind her cousin, but she had a lot of other things going on, too, and it was just… a lot. Unclear how much of that time will come up in conversation and how much won’t, but maybe I’ll write something at some point. Mel is just a babe and nobody knows yet, nor will for a while.

(Ok fine one more note/point:)

(Generally feminine names end in a vowel and masculine names in a consonant, but that only applies with two or more syllables, and there are a handful of sounds that are like… IS it a consonant or a vowel?? Could be both?? Like sure it’s a consonant but it’s not THAT consonanty and anyway nobody’s keeping score, they can pick what they want to pick. It’s a convention/general habit and not a rule)

(They have symbols for almost-but-not-quite-an-n and almost-but-not-quite-an-r that are popular not-fully-traditional choices for name endings)

(Also don’t think too hard about how Djaana’s name worked when she was younger, I don’t know and I won’t work it out probably? The syllable thing started emerging/developing after a few characters already had names so it’s not perfect. But it’s also flexible enough as a system to accommodate. Jak could put the Jak part at the start or end and if Mel wanted to add to the front but she both felt strongly girl and wanted to be traditional, her name could just end “-me”)

#world building #name lore #Gozukk and Anna #idk y’all I’ve been thinking a lot about syllables since part 4 or something? just decided to finally write it out #but like I did also pick Gozukk and Anna’s names quite quickly so the point of the post rather stands

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whimperwoods · 3 years

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Hello! I'm excited to read your series and it's on my list. For now though! Anna // desserts

Thank you so much!! That's so nice!!

Favorite: Anna loves anything made of/with honey. Can't get enough. It just makes her feel warm and happy.

Least favorite: NOT to make it dark (again) but Kir used to periodically decide to be "nice" and bring her fruit that she then had to eat whether she wanted to or not, and then "thank" him for and basically she's never gonna eat cherries again.

Memory: The first time Gozukk brought her food, he also brought a small piece of honeycomb, but she wasn't brave enough to eat it. GOSH WHY IS EVERYTHING SAD (I know why)

Second memory for happy?: When she was young, she went to afternoon tea at an older elf woman's house. The woman caught her licking the honey spoon and took it away from her. She was positive she was about to be in trouble, but instead, the woman winked at her and then dropped the spoon on the floor and pretended she'd knocked it over by accident. When she came back with a clean spoon, she also snuck Anna a little piece of honeycomb. Anna idolized her for the remainder of her childhood.

#Gozukk and Anna #ask memes #this one was also fun to think about!

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whimperwoods · 3 years

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Should I be picking nail polish off my nails just because I’m stressed? Nope!!

Anyway, have some coping mechanism headcanons/backstory facts for Gozukk’s clan. Not Gozukk though, because his main coping mechanisms are gonna come out in actual writing installments.

Azzor - I hate him. He behaves reasonably/rationally more of the time than me and copes with stress by literally/formally meditating. Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for him for having a thing that works but gosh. Healthy AND traditional/classic coping mechanisms? Sounds fake but ok. Mazogga also meditates, and taught most of the tribe’s kids how, but Azzor’s the one of Gozukk’s generation/friend group still doing it. He’s not a “just meditate and it’ll fix everything!!” insta influencer type, but I still resent him somehow.

Djaana - Gozukk’s already said she used to wash her face and/or have her hair washed when she had nightmares, but yeah. Deep breaths and washing her face. Likes a quiet, private space when she’s upset, a thing more than one of her kids has 100% inherited.

Dumul - He doesn’t know yoga, but he does know stretching makes everything better and the more muscles/muscle groups he can get through his series of gentle stretches for, the better. He vastly prefers stretching alone and making it also time to himself to breathe, but it helps to stretch even if he’s with other people. Enzah pretty often runs interference if she realizes he’s getting his stress stretches in, so that he won’t get interrupted in whatever place he’s hidden himself away, but she prefers that he not know about that, ever.

Enzah - Humming. There are specific songs that have always helped her calm down, but those are the big guns, for emergencies only, and they work best if Dumul sings them with her, which is inconvenient when he’s not around. But for smaller stressed/anxious moments, just the vibrations of humming are enough to soothe her, and the song doesn’t matter. Dumul can read her humming like a book to know exactly what kind of emotional/stressed she is and it is extremely annoying, but also convenient.

Jak - He’s still a kid, so he’s still finding his way. For now, the mindfulness trick his mom and grandma taught him works well, and he definitely needs a physically quiet place. Big into finding a quiet, shady place to sit.

Djaana’s husband Artak, who will one day come home from his trip - He’s even more of a gotta-keep-moving thing-doer than Gozukk. She remembers better than Gozukk that their own dad was the same way, but she doesn’t say anything about it to either of them.

Gozukk’s late brother Rumkor was always a big sparring/wrestling kind of guy who needed to just get out the energy, but with another person there. Enzah’s humming/singing thing is like her mom, who died when she was so little she can’t remember it, but Gozukk and Djaana can, and it always stings a little bit. Her dad used to sing to her when they were both most upset after her mother’s passing, and she has vague memories of that from when she was very small. Sometimes it’s reassuring to the adults that the thread of it has at least continued, but the rest of the time it’s just bittersweet.

Gozukk’s mom, the kids’ grandmother, taught all of them the calm-down cloth trick, and used it herself well into her old age. She also liked counting and organizing things, especially if she could do it mindfully. This was extra convenient when someone was going to market for one of their rare trips, because she could usually rattle off how much of any given thing they had or needed. One of the scariest moments of Gozukk’s adult life was when his mother realized she couldn’t remember her numbers, and he and Djaana realized her mind was starting to slip. As a stop-gap, they got her a little book to write down her catalogue of things in, and that’s one of the things Jak remembers best from when he was little. Just her having her little book that reassured her, and letting him help her with counting if he'd had to go inside to calm himself.

There are also a lot of community members who stress clean or spar or take a horse for a ride to do some errand they made up or find a way to gracefully abandon their usual tasks in favor of woodcarving/weaving/spinning/whatever pursuit with their hands chills them out.

#gozukk and anna #headcanons #or something it's my own material but whatever #coping mechanisms #me: oh writing this will be soothing #also me: BUT THEN MAKE IT SAD #long post #tw dimentia #vaguely

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whimperwoods · 3 years

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Part 13 of Gozukk and Anna

Gozukk calms down from his nightmare. Anna learns something new.

The masterpost is here and includes a cheat sheet with character names/relationships.

tw: past slavery, tw: past abuse, tw: PTSD

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

****

Anna’s legs were shaking as she followed Gozukk to a set of straw-filled targets and watched him string a bow. She stayed out of his reach, shrinking back and wondering what kind of a fool she was, following her new master while he was still upset.

But then again, he talked like he wasn’t her master, at all.

He’d invited her here, held open the tent flap for her, but now it was like she wasn’t even here. He was focused intently on what he was doing, not sparing her a glance as he tested the bowstring and grabbed a set of semi-blunted arrows.

She backed up farther, out of his way, as he found a spot for himself at a decent range from the target he’d chosen.

His first several shots were lightning fast, and she felt shivers run through her as they thunked into the target almost at random, making satisfying sounds but sticking out near the edges of the target, one too far left and the next too far right, thunk, thunk, thunk, like Gozukk just needed to shoot, not to hit the center.

Foolish. This was foolish. She knew better. She knew men didn’t keep their anger tightly focused, knew it splattered out around them and splashed over her, but she also knew that being too obvious about trying to hide, now that she’d been fool enough to follow, was an equally dangerous proposition.

His breathing was still a little ragged, emotional and loud, and she realized only when a quiet growl broke from him that he was holding back noises, perhaps shouts, perhaps more of those growls.

She crouched down, trying to be small. Leaving would make him angry, especially if he didn’t know where she’d gone. But all of a sudden, she couldn’t stand to be out in the open, not like this, not with a weapon in Gozukk’s hands and what kind of fool was she? She shuddered again, her whole body reacting to the idea.

Gradually, Gozukk’s pace slowed, and then his breathing, and the shots, now steady and less frantic, drew closer and closer to the center of the target. Finally, he shot the last two arrows with slow and careful aim, breathing with his motions and hitting the center ring and then the center dot.

He lowered the bow and turned toward her.

“Thanks,” he said, managing an almost sheepish smile. “I’m - I don’t usually have an audience for this. Not since I was a kid, anyway. I’m a better shot when I’m trying, don’t worry.”

His grin was clearly meant to be reassuring, but there was something about it that was false in a way that told her, suddenly, that his smiles had been real before.

She shuddered again, forcing herself to stay put and smile back, but Gozukk’s brow creased, concerned.

He put down the bow and held his hands up, his palms out toward her. “Hey. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, “I - Sorry.”

She wanted to shrink backward, away, but the concern on his face . . . the concern was real, too, almost certainly. She bit her lip, not sure what to say, and stayed put.

“I shouldn’t have asked you along,” he said softly, “I was being selfish. Not wanting to be by myself. But of course it looks intimidating.”

Gozukk was upset. Last night, she’d have flinched, even thinking it. But tonight - tonight he was upset, and he was sad, not angry. She breathed slowly and carefully, steadying herself.

“It’s alright,” she answered softly, “I, umm - I’m alright.”

“You’re welcome to take a few shots, if you want. I’m not so vain as all that, you know.” He sounded strained, like the joke took effort to make, but at least if he was trying to make her feel better . . . well, at least he was trying to make her feel better!

She took another careful, steady breath. “Oh, no, Gozukk,” she said, managing at the last moment not to call him Sir, “I’m umm - I don’t know how, anyway.”

Gozukk’s brow furrowed and she found herself blushing. It was a struggle not to avert her eyes, and she couldn’t stop herself from rounding her shoulders, shrinking inward.

“Would you like to learn? It might make you feel more safe.”

For a moment, she stared, struggling to make sense of the question.

“Is that why you didn’t take the knife, that first day?” Gozukk asked, “You don’t know how to fight?”

She shook her head, no.

“No, you don’t know how to fight, or no, that’s not why?”

Her heart was racing in her chest. There was no way to answer that would be guaranteed to please him. She couldn’t think her way out of it, couldn’t work out how to make the danger of it go away.

Shaking slightly, she decided to tell the truth. “B-both, Gozzuk. I - I don’t know how to fight and I didn’t -” She finally lowered her eyes to the ground, lacking the strength to keep looking up at him, “I didn’t want you to think I was - I wanted you to know I knew my place. I wanted you to know I would, um - I guess just stay.”

Gozukk was silent, but his eyes were still open, soft, taking her in without judgment.

After a moment, he said, “If you wish to leave, I will send you with an escort when I can.” His voice was soft, warm, “And if you wish to stay, I can teach you anything you want to know. Or I can’t, and someone else can. I don’t plan to send you into danger. I don’t plan to send you anywhere. But if you want to be able to defend yourself, I can help with that, too.”

She bit her lip. Everything here was so much. There were so many people, so many possibilities, so many dangers, and so many budding hopes, and she didn’t know what to do with any of them.

She did know they were standing in front of a set of targets, and agreeing to a lesson would put off the other questions, as if they’d never been asked, because she’d answered the first one instead.

“I - I think I’d like to learn to shoot. It’s - it seems -” she steadied herself, still looking down, but breathing steadily. “I think I can do it.”

Gozukk started unstringing his bow, and she looked up, confused.

He smiled, his face soft in the moonlight, and looked fond. “Mine’s too strong. We’ll get you started with one of the ones we keep to teach the kids before they make their own.”

She nodded, creeping tentatively closer. Something in the back of her mind was still screaming at her, screaming not to get closer to a master with a weapon in hand, screaming that this was a test, that she was failing, failing, going to be punished. She kept breathing, and moved forward. It was safe. Gozukk wanted her safe. He’d said so.

Moving didn’t make the voice in the back of her mind go away, but watching him finish unstringing his bow and put it down quieted it a little.

He moved slowly, cautiously, and she knew it, knew he was trying not to frighten her. She blushed again, trying to keep breathing, keep upright, keep everything steady like he wanted, like - like she wanted? Gozukk came toward her with a smaller bow, un-strung, and a string and quiver to go with it.

“Here,” he said, “We might as well start with stringing it yourself, so you’ll know how to do that if you need to.”

She nodded, taking the bow from him, and letting him guide her through the process. It was strange, having something in her hand that she knew was a weapon, and strange, too, knowing that the strong hands beside hers were helping her make it dangerous.

It was reassuring, in a way, to focus on a thing in her hands, a concrete task, and she almost understood why Gozukk had come out here, until the bow was strung and he was letting her pull on the string to test out how it felt, his hands still hovering near her. It wasn’t hard to pull back, really, but the tension of it was obvious, and all of a sudden, the knowledge of what it was flooded through her again, a feeling of danger.

Her hands shook, and Gozukk placed his gently over hers. “We don’t have to do this,” he said, so close to her that she could almost feel the rumble of his voice in her skin, “If you’re not ready, you don’t have to do this.”

There were two choices. Two choices, and her mind was too full of screaming and confusion to think them through, and something deep answered instead, an impulse at the core of her she couldn’t explain. “No,” she whispered, “I can do this.”

He nodded.

Once the decision was made, the whole cacophony inside her quieted, unsustainable and burned out. All that remained was what she was doing, and when she didn’t think about what that was, everything else was quiet.

Gozukk stood behind her, giving soft instructions, helping her adjust her stance, hold the bow, nock an arrow. He didn’t touch her when he could explain, and his hands were warm and gentle when he couldn’t, his huge body close enough to her back for her to feel the warmth, to feel the way he blocked the cool night breeze that blew around them.

She focused on what she was doing, on following directions.

“Here, like this. We don’t want the string hitting you in the forearm.”

“There, good, just like that.”

“Keep breathing, even when you’re focused on aiming.”

Her first shot missed the target, but only by a little bit, and she could hear a smile in Gozukk’s voice as he exclaimed, “Good! That’s closer than a lot of first shots. Do you want to try again?”

She nodded and let him hand her another arrow, guide her through the process again, remind her to breathe.

The arrow hit the very edge of the target, barely sticking into the canvas on the opposite side from where she’d missed last time.

Gozukk chuckled, “At this rate, you’ll be better than me, too. Another?”

She blushed, but this time her chest was warm, and what had been a tremble in her hands was now just barely in her fingers, and only when she wasn’t focused on the shot.

Her aim didn’t get better as quickly or steadily as Gozukk’s had when he was calming down, but several hit quite solidly, and as she focused only on the one thing, the new motions, the new feeling of her arms aching slightly from pulling against the tension of the string, of making it do what she wanted, the target in front of her, she felt the storm inside her drift farther away.

When the small training quiver was empty, she realized Gozukk’s hand was still on her shoulder, resting lightly, not grabbing hold, and she let herself lean slightly backward into him.

He wrapped his arms around her, still gentle, his grasp so loose she knew she could get out with just a step, and she breathed deeply, sighing outward.

“I never knew something like this was - like this,” she said softly.

She wasn’t sure what she meant by that. She wasn’t sure how to say it better without saying too much.

She felt Gozukk’s voice vibrating where her back was up against his chest. “I can understand that,” he answered, “I feel it, too. At least, I do at night, like this. I do when it’s just canvas.”

“I guess now we go find the arrows?” she asked.

“Even the ones that missed didn’t miss by much,” Gozukk answered, his arms already moving away from her again, and then they were separate in the moonlight, cleaning up the small range in silence.

#whump #fantasy whump #d&d whump #hurt/comfort #fluff #past slavery tw #ptsd tw #I've known this was going to happen for a while and been dying to write it #so pleased that I've finally gotten to it #turns out Anna's well suited to Gozukk's particular coping methods #also our girl's never gonna be a go-out-there-and-find-a-fight warrior but work on her self-efficacy has officially begun #she's gonna be surprised that she's a little sore in the morning though because she does do/has done plenty with her arms #it's just this exact thing she hasn't and did do quite a bit of

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whimperwoods · 3 years

Text

Part 3 of Gozukk and Anna. Finally, Anna!

First part is here. Second part is here.

tw: slavery (past), tw: past abuse, tw: fantasy racism mention, tw: emotional numbness

Tag list: @redwingedwhump, @nine-tailed-whump, @thehurtsandthecomfurts @kixngiggles

****

Anna wasn’t sure what to do with herself in the empty tent. It was richly furnished, but mostly unlit. Faint sunlight filtered through vents in the roof, but it took her eyes a while to adjust to the dimness after the glare of the day outside, and even once they had, she couldn’t make out the colors of the elaborately-woven fabrics around her.

She kept her arms around herself for comfort, hunching her shoulders down because even in a tent more than large enough for one person, she felt safer when she could make herself small.

Her new master was still outside, and she couldn’t process any of that. It was like the lump of fear in her throat was choking out her mind, strangling each thought as she tried to think it. Her eyes watered, but as she breathed through her nose to try to keep the tears from falling, she thought about the way it had felt to cry, in spite of herself, in front of the orc chief.

His hands had been gentle. That part was certainly true. He hadn’t been angry at her crying. He hadn’t been angry about anything.

The tent was partitioned into two parts, but the room she was in was clearly a public one, furnished with a large, well-made rug and a generous collection of floor cushions, but also with a large table that held a map case and a carefully-organized set of cartographer’s tools.

Looking around, she decided it was safer to stay in the business half of the room, beside the table. She walked over, studying the solid tabletop and the well-made trestles holding it up. She knelt down next to it, taking a deep breath and trying again to think now that she was tucked out of the way and had less to fear.

She was quite certain she’d never have thought an orc tribe would mean safety, but she was also quite certain she’d never thought humans could be so cruel, even to someone like her.

Yes. The orc chief was gentle. That was a fact. He was gentle, and he was outside. Those were good qualities.

She curled farther into herself, like she always did when she was alone and not on display, kneeling beside a man drunk on his own power.

She closed her eyes, but found only memories of the caravan behind them, of kneeling beside the leader, looking into the fire and waiting to be hurt, again, for his amusement or someone else’s.

She opened her eyes and focused on the cushions on the other side of the room, counting them to give her mind something else to do, something else to focus on to chase away the fact that she was alone and afraid and had no idea what to expect.

By the time she could hear voices outside, speaking in their unfamiliar language, she had calmed herself down, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, but she had no new answers to any of the questions that mattered.

The woman who walked into the room was tall and thin, lankier than she’d expected, but upright and confident. “Did he leave you here in the dark?” she asked, sounding fond but faintly exasperated, “Give me a minute.” She started lighting the lanterns in the tent, illuminating the room with a warm, soft glow that revealed the rich colors of the fabrics around her.

Anna wasn’t sure what to say, but she was afraid to say nothing, so she just whispered, “Yes, ma’am,” hoping it wasn’t a mistake. Perhaps this was the chief’s wife. Perhaps she had a mistress now. She hoped this woman didn’t think she was going to - to - she tipped her head down and stared at the corner of the rug, studying the way its edges were finished and trying not to complete her own thought.

The woman squatted down in front of her, much as the chief had done, and Anna looked up in surprise, meeting the woman’s eyes. They were warm, lined at the corners in a way that suggested this was a woman who both laughed and cried, but laughed more often.

The orc woman reached up and tucked a strand of Anna’s hair gently behind her ear, and she breathed a little easier, recognizing it as what it was - just more proof that the only fact she could be sure of just yet was that these people seemed to choose gentleness first.

“My brother’s made a mess of things, I think,” the woman said, “He told me you seemed upset. Frightened. Wouldn’t tell me what he said, which means it was probably something foolish, but you don’t have to tell me, either. I’m just here to help.”

Anna felt tongue-tied, her brain struggling to keep up. Why were they helping her? What was help going to cost?

"He thinks you need medical help. Though why he asked me instead of the midwife, I couldn’t say. The healer’s gone with the scouts, but if you need more than I can do, he’s not the only one with skills around here.”

Medical help. That much, she could make sense of. “I’m alright,” she said softly, “He asked about my feet, but they’re -” she looked down, not quite willing to look the woman in the eye as she told a half-lie. “They’re not so bad. They hardly hurt at all.”

The woman reached forward and tipped Anna’s chin up. “And those bruises?”

Anna couldn’t look away. She took a deep breath to steady herself instead. “I can take them.”

The woman sighed, her hand dropping away from Anna’s chin. “Yes, he said that too. There’s good grit and bad stubbornness, you know. Make your stand for something you care about. You’ll be alright here.”

“Why are you helping me?” Anna asked in response, hoping the woman’s words had been a challenge and not a trick or a trap. “You don’t even know me.”

The woman smiled. “There’s a better question. Not sure I have an answer, though. You need it . . . or needed it, maybe, if all goes well. Isn’t that enough?”

“Not usually.”

The woman breathed out through her nose, half-laughing as if it had been half a joke, and maybe it had. “Well, I don’t see how that’s a problem with us.”

Anna looked down again. “I . . . didn’t mean to suggest that it was.”

The woman rearranged, sitting down on the floor with her legs tucked neatly to the side, and then reached over to put a hand on Anna’s knee. “Hey,” she said gently, “I’m Djaana. What’s your name?”

Anna felt suddenly too tall, up on her knees while the orcish woman was seated, even though she was pretty sure Djaana was still technically taller. She blushed, tucking her head down a hair farther, as if that would help. “Anna.”

She should have stopped, but instead, her mouth continued, “It’s short for -” before cutting off again. Her tongue felt suddenly thick, dead in her mouth. She hadn’t spoken Elvish in a long time. She hadn’t dared. “It’s a nickname, technically,” she concluded, instead, feeling a mix of shame and relief wash over her at the crisis averted.

"Anna. That’s a pretty name!”

Anna couldn’t be sure if Djaana meant it, or if she was just saying it as an excuse to keep sounding cheerful and gentle.

“Alright, then, Anna. My brother informs me you’ve got burnt feet and welts on your arms and there’s blood on the back of your dress he thinks means wounds underneath it. What hurts the worst?”

Me, she thought, whatever’s inside of me that’s me. It had been a long time since it had mattered what hurt the most, really. It had been a long time since she’d let herself care. But she needed an answer the woman could believe.

“I - most everything’s pretty old,” she said, “But - I guess my back? Master Kir, from the caravan was -” she didn’t know what to call it, “Angry yesterday. It was a bad day of travel. Hot weather, and wagons getting stuck.”

Djaana nodded. “We’ll start by getting that cleaned up, then. Gozukk will be worried if I can’t tell him exactly how injured you are, and there’s no reason to look and not fix. I’ll be back with some clean water. You just sit tight.”

Everything hurt. Nothing hurt. Her soul hurt.

Anna waited, her eyes closed, but this time, what was behind them was simply darkness, and peace, and her own breathing. She knew what the first thing was that the orc chief had said to her. It’s alright. You’re safe now.

Maybe she was.

#whump #hurt/comfort #d&d whump #slavery tw #abuse tw #fantasy racism tw #this was supposed to get into wound cleaning but then there was too much calming down and reassuring to do #also i am Offended that Djana and Anna have turned up in my head with such similar names because i did not choose for that to happen #maybe Anna will get her full name back at some point and things will be easier for me #i bet gozukk will try #anyway things are getting better and this probably isn't the end #new series who dis so lmk if u wanna be on the taglist

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whimperwoods · 3 years

Text

Part 9 of Gozukk and Anna

Anna has a doctor’s appointment. Gozukk turns down an offer to join the church. Jak helps out.

[Note: One of the d&d canon things I particularly don’t like is that the ‘evil races’ have their own separate evil gods particular to their race. I’m aware that there are halfling and elf and dwarf pantheons also, but the thing is that those generally have deities of multiple alignments (rather than only evil ones) and those communities seem to be allowed to serve any gods they want, in practice. In my d&d world, orcs can too, and this particular tribe, to the extent to which they’re religious, is affiliated with Kelemvor. Not everyone worships him, and there are some individuals with other faiths, but he’s the god they have a shrine and a cleric for/from. (I’m not sure it matters that much from a worldbuilding standpoint, but I’ve taken an overall position of “no-race-specific deities,” which does also throw Moradin and the like out with the bathwater, but that’s probably alright.)]

The masterpost is here and includes a cheat sheet with character names, since the list of people she’s met in the community just keeps getting bigger.

tw: slavery (past), tw: PTSD, tw: past rape/noncon (barely referenced), tw: past abuse, tw: fantasy religion (no religious trauma), tw: panic attack, tw: drug reference (past), tw: date rape drug (past)

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

****

Anna’s legs shook faintly as the healer shouted for her and her master to enter, but she tried to keep her face steady as she ducked under Gozukk’s arm and in through the flap of the tent.

The space was small but comfortable, the furnishings generally not quite as nice as Gozukk’s, with the exception of a smallish but very fine altar, richly carved from solid wood. A set of heavy brass scales sat on it, held up by a skeletal hand, the same image that was carved along its sides, and that she recognized from the box in Gozukk’s room, and a small collection of candles sat around it.

Gozukk knelt briefly in front of the altar, going down on one knee with a quick bow and then rising to his feet again before turning to the healer, Mukzod. “I’m sure you’ve heard plenty about our newest guest,” he said calmly, as if he hadn’t paused at all. Anna felt certain she should kneel, too, but somehow she found herself frozen, unable to move farther into the tent, or to do anything at all.

Mukzod was dressed in dark grey robes, well-made and clean, with the same skeleton-arm scales embroidered carefully across his chest, but looked fresh-faced, too young for such serious, formal vestments. He was a half head shorter than Gozukk but just as wide, with dark messy hair that flopped into his eyes as he nodded toward her and made her shudder and freeze up. He looked almost nothing like Master Kir, but that hair, the length of it, the little flick of his head to get it out of his eyes - her chest tightened with fear, her breath shortening.

The healer’s smile was warm, but she couldn’t slow her racing heart.

“Hello, guest. Anna, is it? Did I hear correctly?”

Her mouth was dry and she couldn’t answer. Gozukk reached a hand halfway toward her, but then stopped and she suddenly, desperately wished he hadn’t, wished she could bury her face in his chest and not see this new stranger, with his new hair, and his new tent. But that was a foolish thing to wish, wasn’t it?

“Yes,” Gozukk answered, his voice softer now, as if to put her at ease even though he was talking to the healer. “You’ve heard right. I already know she’s wounded, but I want to make sure she isn’t also cursed or marked or being tracked.”

“You know, if you just gave a little bit more of yourself to Kelemvor, you could do it yourself,” Mukzod said jovially. “We all know your piety is genuine.”

Gozukk laughed. “For the last time, cleric, a paladin oath is out of the question. The tribe has to come first. You know that. A holy life is not in my cards.”

Mukzod held his hands up, “I know, I know! I only ask because I know you’d be good at it.”

Anna watched the exchange, trying to follow. Kelemvor was - was a god of - of something. Scales. Justice? But no, that was Tyr, everybody knew that. The skeleton, though - the skeleton - her eyes widened, and her body began to shake.

“I - I didn’t realize you worshipped - umm -” Her voice was thin, tense, and surely one of them would bark at her to speak up. She tensed, awaiting a slap for interrupting, or for doing it poorly, or both. Instead, both men turned slowly to look at her, their posture open, hands away from her.

“It’s alright, Anna,” Gozukk said, “He’s not a god of death. He’s a god of the dead, which is something else.”

Mukzod had his hands up, the palms out toward her. “The chief is right. We don’t kill, not unless we have to. Not unless we’re fighting undead things. I’m more about healing. And curing diseases. And burying bodies we find unattended in the desert, which happens a little more often than one would hope.”

She shivered. She’d seen a body like that, had watched the men in the caravan dragging another man’s corpse away from the hooves and wheels that had crushed him to death, only to leave him lying in a heap alongside their caravan route and keep moving at Master Kir’s orders.

She opened her mouth to ask if they’d found the man from the caravan, if they’d buried him properly, but then she couldn’t. What if they thought she’d had something to do with it? She still remembered the beating she’d gotten after they stopped that night, how unsure she’d been whether her master thought she’d done something to distract the dead man, or whether he was just frustrated. She’d known her place. She hadn’t needed to be reminded. She didn’t need to be reminded now.

She sank onto her knees and felt both safer and less safe, in over her head and drowning in uncertainty.

Gozukk knelt beside her again, taking her hands gently in his own, so gently she could have pulled away, but she knew her place, and maybe soon he would realize she knew it and she wouldn’t have to be so scared.

“It’s alright, Anna,” he said, running his thumb gently over her knuckles. “You don’t have to worship him. Plenty of folks don’t. But I do, and Mukzod does, and he’s got some magic that can help you, if that man did anything that’s lingering.” He scowled, but over her shoulder, not at her. “Anything magical, anyway.”

The cleric placed one hand on her shoulder and the other on Gozukk’s and she flinched heavily before she could stop herself.

“Is it alright if I do a quick magic detection spell? If all is well, I’ll won’t see anything, and we’ll know the human doesn’t have any magical hooks into you. If there is something, I’ll have to do some tests, but we can fix that, too.”

His voice was soothing, but she couldn’t look at him, couldn’t look at the hair falling into his eyes, scraping his shoulders around the back of his neck. She was shaking, and she couldn’t stop. She gripped Gozukk’s hands tighter, hoping he would allow her nearer. He squeezed back gently and she scooted forward on her knees until she was close enough to whisper into his ear.

“Please, Sir -” she flinched, but decided not to correct herself and maybe he wouldn’t notice, “I - can I -” He let go of one of her hands and then reached up and brushed her hair behind her ear, a gesture that was increasingly becoming a familiar one. She steeled herself and caught her breath. “May I put my head on your shoulder again, please? Like yesterday, when I was -” she didn’t have a word for what she was, “Please, Gozukk, I’m sorry I’m weak, I just - I can - I can do this. I can be good, please, I just - I need - please.” Her breath gave out, her body shaking even harder.

Yesterday, she’d leaned into him with both of their hands between them, his pressing hers to his chest. Now, he wrapped one arm around her carefully, keeping hold of her hand with his other one and drawing her just slightly closer. “Is this alright?” he whispered into the space between them, “Does this help?”

She shook, and wasn’t sure how to answer, but she knew what she’d wanted at first, knew what she’d wanted, and thought she still wanted it. She leaned her forehead against his shoulder, her breath coming in deep gasps, and he removed his arm from the small of her back as she kept fighting for air, tracing his fingers through her hair at the temple instead.

“It’s alright,” he said, “I’m here to help.”

After a moment of his arm hovering beside her, he let it fall to his side, not touching her as she knelt up against him, watching him breathe and trying to time her breaths to his.

“Are you ready for the spell?” he asked.

She nodded against his shoulder.

“We’re ready, Mukzod.”

Nothing happened. The cleric said a few words in a language she didn’t understand, and then he fell silent, the air in the room unchanged.

“Nope, all clear,” he said after a moment. “Your pendant’s lighting up like a candle, Chief, and the altar, and some of my stuff, so the spell’s working, but she’s not got any magic on her. Not that lingers, anyway. I can try a dispulsion anyway, but as far as I can tell, there’s nothing there to dispel.”

Gozukk leaned his cheek against her temple, sighing in relief. “There we go. You’re safe. Now we know it for sure.”

“I -” Mukzod cleared his throat. “Can I be of any other service? I’d thought you might have come for healing. Or perhaps a calming spell?”

A calming spell? Anna had never heard of that, but as soon as she thought too hard about it, she found herself remembering the times Master Kir had - what had that been - he’d put something in the wine, she’d known there was something in the wine, but he’d made her drink it anyway, made her drink it, made her choke trying to swallow as he forced it down her throat and then he’d - and then he’d -”

She sobbed, her head suddenly spinning, her entire body tingling like there were bees buzzing just inside her skin, and her head on Gozukk’s shoulder wasn’t enough to keep it at bay, wasn’t enough to keep anything at bay, wasn’t - wasn’t -

She grabbed desperately for the front of his shirt, closing her hand into a fist around the fabric and forcing herself to keep breathing. His free hand came up alongside her head, but he didn’t quite touch her, just kept it hovering there, like he was shielding her from the sun. As another wrenching sob tore itself from her throat, she pulled herself closer to him, into that protection, and everything else be damned.

“We’re done for the day,” Gozukk said, his voice rough-edged with anger, like it never was when he talked to her, and she flinched but didn’t dare pull away, couldn’t afford it when he was the only thing steadying her spinning head, couldn’t afford it when it might make him angry, couldn’t - couldn’t - she couldn’t breathe. She gasped for air.

"She’s allowed to feel what she feels,” he snapped at the cleric, “She’s doing fine.”

His own breathing wasn’t quite as steady as she knew it could be, deepening as if he were holding himself together, holding back the snarl she could hear at the edge of his voice.

But then the snarl was gone, and his voice was velvet-gentle again, his hand stroking carefully through her hair. “It’s alright, Anna. You did well. It’s been a stressful day. You don’t have to do anything more. Mukzod just wants you safe, same as me.”

The gentleness was for her. It was just for her, and she was a fool, and she believed it, and she knew she was a fool, but she could feel herself starting to shake apart, could feel the way the buzz under her skin threatened to become the way she felt in the dark, at night, like a fire burning itself out, like she was dying a piece at a time, reducing herself to ash as she went, and she couldn’t. She couldn’t die now, not while she was in a place she was fool enough to half-believe might be better.

“Do you want me to carry you back home?” he asked, his voice still soft, rumbling through his chest and under her cheek, and when had she twisted her head sideways like this, resting more fully on his shoulder? “Or do you want to wait it out here and then we can walk back together? I think you need some quiet for a little bit. You can take another nap, like yesterday. You’re still healing.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, letting go of the front of his shirt, and he took it as an answer, rearranging immediately to gather her up in his arms and cradle her against his chest.

When he rose to his feet still holding her, she didn’t shudder this time, but she wondered if that was only because to shake any more than she was already shaking might be to shake herself to pieces.

The softness in his voice was gone as he looked up at the cleric and ordered, “Open the flap for me,” all of a sudden in control again, the chief whose feet she had been thrown down in front of. But then he was bending his neck to speak softly in her ear again, the gentleness returned to his voice. “Squeeze my neck when you’re ready for me to walk, and we’ll go. Just tell me when you’re steady.”

She squeezed his neck, desperate to be away from here, as if the bees in her skin would leave her alone out in the sun.

They didn’t, but Gozukk let her bury her face in the side of his neck and kept holding her, his arms solid around her and his breath steady, now, soothing.

Halfway back to the tent, small footsteps joined them, a voice she didn’t recognize piping up from below. “Whoa, Uncle Gozukk, is something wrong?”

“Get the flap when we get to my tent, Jak,” he said, the imperiousness gone again, as if it had never been, his voice warm and normal, but without the particular softness he seemed to save for her, and what did that mean? She sobbed in spite of herself, about nothing, or maybe about everything, but her head was full of bees and her skin was full of bees and she couldn’t think.

“She’ll be alright once she has a little peace and quiet,” Gozukk explained, tone patient, “She’s just a little overwhelmed.”

A small hand patted her dangling ankle and she pulled away instinctively before she realized the boy was no threat.

“Oh,” he said, “That makes sense. Does she need a calm down cloth?”

She could feel Gozukk’s chuckle, deep in his chest. “Yeah, that might not be a bad idea. Why don’t you go get one after you help me inside? And then you can go back to whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing.”

“Got it!” The footsteps sped up, then stopped again, waiting for them to catch up.

Anna clung to Gozukk the rest of the way to the tent, relieved when Jak’s footsteps pattered away as soon as she and Gozukk were inside.

The fine chair he’d been seated in to meet the caravan was inside, now, set behind the table in the front room, and Gozukk settled her into it. She grabbed at its arms, surprised, and squeezed them tighter when Gozukk squatted down in front of her to look in her eyes. She couldn’t get out of the chair and down to his level. He didn’t want that. She had to stay. She had to stay.

Her breathing was still ragged, too fast, and she knew it, but she couldn’t do anything about it.

“Anna, can you hear me?”

Everything was still too much, his words clear enough to make sense, but then immediately gone to her, as if they had never been. She nodded, trying to keep hold of the question.

“Alright. You did a good job this morning. I want to make sure you know that. It’s alright if you need to stay in here the rest of the day. I’ll try to come check on you when it’s time for lunch, but if you get hungry before I come back, you can go find Djaana or one of the twins, and they’ll look after you.”

She was breathing. That, she was sure of. His voice was soothing, reassuring, and the things he was saying were reassuring, and she couldn’t make them mean anything. She nodded. Reassuring. He was being reassuring. She could be reassured. She kept breathing.

Gozukk nodded back. Her breathing eased a little. Good. He was pleased.

Jak came running in, and she got a good look at him for the first time. He had the same dark hair as Djaana and Gozukk, but his eyes were a lighter color, a green she hadn’t expected, and even with some lingering baby roundness to his face, she could tell there was something about his cheekbones that must be like his father. Gozukk stuck a hand out to slow the boy before he could run all the way to her, and he blushed, looking bashful.

“Oh. Sorry. I forgot about the quiet.” He held out a damp, white cloth, in her direction, and she wasn’t sure what to do but take it.

The boy’s green eyes stared at her, his arm drifting behind his back so he could wrap his hand around his elbow, still staring. “Thank you,” she said quietly, aware that her breathing was loud and her voice wasn’t.

“Why don’t you explain to Anna how it works, just in case her mama and grandmother didn’t teach her?” Gozukk asked, something of the softness he always aimed at her in his voice as he addressed the boy.

“Yeah!” Jak said, his face brightening! “It’s easy, Miss Anna! You just put it on the back of your neck, and it’s nice and cool so it feels good, and then you just breathe real steady and think about cooling down and noticing that it feels good, and then when it gets dry, you can go back outside and play or try what you were doing again. Or I guess you can - I dunno. What do you like doing?”

She had no answer, but there wasn’t enough time for it to become awkward. Gozukk laid a hand on Jak’s shoulder. “Why don’t you wait and ask her that in a couple of days? You wouldn’t like it if somebody asked you a bunch of questions while you were trying to calm down, would you?”

“Oh! No!” He mimed locking his mouth closed with a key and tucking it into his pocket, and Anna found herself smiling in spite of everything. She put the cloth against the back of her neck to prove she’d been trying to listen, though there was a lot he said that she hadn’t been able to keep ahold of, the words slipping through her fingers as half of her kept getting wrapped up in her own breath.

He was right. It felt lovely, cool and soft. She closed her eyes, half instinctively, and managed a deeper breath.

She could hear a smile in Gozukk’s voice as he said, “Take all the time you need. We’ll be back to check on you at lunch time.”

Then both sets of footsteps walked away, out the door, and she was alone.

She slid out of the chair and onto her knees, where she felt more herself, but kept the cloth where it was, steadying her breathing as much as she could and thinking about the coolness, the dry air pulling water from the cloth, the dampness sitting against her skin, and nobody touching her.

When the cloth dried, she wasn’t calm, but she was close.

#d&d whump #fantasy whump #hurt/comfort #whump #recovery whump #past slavery tw #past abuse tw #ptsd tw #fantasy religion tw #panic attack tw #drug allusion tw #vague rape/noncon allusion tw #drugging tw #Jak was NOT supposed to be in this he just SHOWED UP #he WAS supposed to be at breakfast but he was NOT THERE #this child i swear #also Anna is triggered by mullets because real triggers are weird sometimes but also bc i am a clown all the time #her other doctor's appointment should be hopefully better but might actually just be weirder who knows #Mazogga's older and wiser than Mukzod but she's also old enough to be the boss of Gozukk so she's gonna do what she's gonna do #does this need some kind of a trigger warning for medical? it really isn't medical but maybe?#anyway jak's a good boy and everybody's trying their best and it's just gonna take some time #gozukk's family believes in AUTONOMY and RESPONSIBLE EMOTIONAL SELF-REGULATION #their enemies think orcs are scary because of the teeth and muscles but ALSO because of the CONFIDENCE and SELF-EFFICACY #or something #idk i just love orcs and i want them to have good things #and anna deserves a loving and supportive community #and they deserve an anna they just don't know it yet because she hasn't come into her own yet #but she will one day #in chapter a billion or something because i keep getting ideas for very tiny increments of time after the previous ones #would you believe i thought this chapter might be her visiting BOTH the healer AND the midwife? a clown

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whimperwoods · 2 years

Text

Part 16 of Anna and Gozukk

Is this a time jump that I see before me, its handle toward my hand? Maybe! The group sets out for the oasis.

The masterpost is here and includes a cheat sheet with character names/relationships.

tw: past slavery (series), tw: past abuse (series), tw: PTSD, tw: panic attack, tw: flashbacks, tw: emotional whump

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

****

As the cart rolled along, Anna’s breath caught in her throat, caught in her throat, caught in her throat, until every breath was a sharp and sudden gasp, forcing air into her lungs by sheer effort. Gozukk nudged the side of her knee, offering her a hand, palm up, to hold as he kept the reins in the other. She grabbed desperately for the open hand, taking it in both of hers, and he squeezed back reassuringly.

The clopping of hooves and clattering of wheels were deafening, awful, shattering, vibrating through her until she was certain that if she’d been brave enough to eat breakfast this morning, instead of only pretending, she would have thrown it up.

Gozukk ran his thumb along one of her hands, where he could reach, but her head was still full with the noise of the cart, of being in a cart again, of rattling vibrations and jostling and oh gods, oh gods.

“Do you need to take a break?”

By the time she made sense of Gozukk’s words, she knew it was too late to pretend she didn’t, too late to pretend she’d been thinking about the question instead of barely hearing what it was. She didn’t know when she’d pulled his hand up against her and hunched over it, like a child hugging a favorite doll, but now the cart was slowing, stopping, stopped, and Gozukk wrapped his other arm around her, letting her rearrange half instinctively to curl up against him.

It was only then that she started crying, right there on the front bench of the cart, not even in the back where she’d been - been before - before - when -

A sob wracked her body, sharp and painful, and then there were voices from the cart, voices she couldn’t identify, couldn’t follow, voices that didn’t sound angry, but that wasn’t - that couldn’t -

She gagged, even with nothing in her stomach to throw up, and Gozukk scooped her up, hesitant until she wrapped her arms around his neck, and climbed down off the cart to set her back on firm ground almost before she realized she’d left it.

“Miss Anna, are you-”

Gozukk interrupted Jak before he could get the rest of the question out. “Make sure those reins are secured, please. And help the ladies down, if they want a break.”

Anna’s fingers were tangled in the front of Gozukk’s shirt, and she didn’t know when or how they’d gotten there. She was kneeling - they were kneeling - and her face was pressed to his shoulder and - oh. Oh. He was breathing slowly, steadily, purposefully slow, because it was slower now than it had been before, and his arms were still around her.

As she started timing her breaths to his, calming down, he let go of her with one arm and ran his fingers gently through her hair, lightly brushing against her temple.

There were light footsteps moving behind them, but then the light feet were joined by a heavier set, and a slower one, and one accompanied by the soft thumps of a cane.

Kagnu, the woman she’d just met this morning, loomed over her and Gozukk as she cleared her throat. “I can drive, if it’s better for her to have - help.” The pause was kind, not bitter, and Anna still felt a wave of cold terror run through her as she realized she didn’t know how to refuse being inconvenient, just then.

“You’re a week from that baby at best, and you’ll do no such thing.” Mazogga. Definitely Mazogga. Anna couldn’t even tell if the elder was looking at her, and she found herself blushing, embarrassed to have stopped the whole journey, and only an hour out of camp.

“And when it actually comes, it’ll come.” Kagnu’s voice was gentle, even as she disagreed. “I can do it, Elder. It’s no trouble at all. The aurochs know their own way, so it’s just finding the smoothest path. It might distract me from the jostling.”

Elder Urokka was leaning more heavily on her cane today than she had the first time they’d met, and the rhythm of her footsteps was more halting. “Ah, yes, you’ll have to relieve yourself again while we’re stopped, won’t you? And a few more times, besides, I remember those days. Let her drive, Zogga.”

“Elder Urokka, I’ll thank you to not pretend you’re a midwife just because you’ve had children yourself.”

Urokka laughed, even as Anna shook slightly at what was probably the iciest she’d ever heard Mazogga speak. “And I’ll thank you not to make dire predictions while I’m standing right here, Elder Mazogga. We’re too old to have this argument again.”

“And you’re too old to change your mind?” Mazogga seemed calmer, more resigned.

“Only if you’re too old to change yours.” Urokka’s voice held a smile, and that was at least - was at least - was something.

Kagnu waddled off as Anna got a grip on herself, though Anna couldn’t say whether that was to give her and Gozukk privacy, or to get some privacy for herself.

As she felt herself stabilize, Anna loosened her grip on Gozukk and sat back on her heels, looking down at her knees. “I’m sorry for - I’m sorry,” she said softly, not sure how to put the apology into words.

Jak was hovering behind her, close enough for her to hear him shifting his weight from foot to foot.

Gozukk looked up at him, over Anna’s shoulder. “Jak, why don’t you go get Miss Anna a calm-down cloth and check on the animals while we decide who’s driving?”

“Yeah! Got it!” Jak moved quickly, as always, dashing back to the wagon while Mazogga moved more slowly to stand beside Gozukk and Anna, putting a hand on Anna’s shoulder. It was reassuring, but Anna’s face flamed up in embarrassment. Just because everyone was being kind didn’t mean -

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience,” she said, half at a whisper.

“The fact that we’re traveling for three purposes doesn’t mean yours doesn’t matter, love.” Mazogga’s voice was matter-of-fact, with none of the mysticism and flair Urokka had when talking about her prophecies, but Anna had learned while they were preparing for the trip that that didn’t mean she’d be any more forthcoming about whatever it was Elder Urokka had seen.

Anna forced herself to smile, and not to acknowledge the squirm in her stomach every time one of the elders made reference to whatever the strange third purpose was. “Thank you, Elder.”

Mazogga squeezed her shoulder. “While Kagnu’s away, how long do you think we have, Rokka? Because from my end, I’d say there’s time still, but we both know babies don’t always wait to come when they’re due.”

“The gods have their ears tuned our direction,” Urokka answered, her voice serious and with less than usual of her customary drama. “I’ll feel better about it at the spring, but we’ll have the time, either way, as far as I can see.”

Mazogga nodded. “So, the driving then,” she said, sounding resigned. “I’m not too old to drive, you know. Just because that young scrap of a cleric likes to help don’t mean I can’t do it. Just have to give him productive ways to chip in so he doesn’t get in the way.” By the end, it was a grumble with no venom to it, and Gozukk was clearly holding back a grin.

“Why don’t we work from back to front,” he said diplomatically. “Figure out if we’ll have one driver or two or a driver and a lookout, based on what’ll make calm in the back.”

Jak practically vibrated with energy as he jumped out of the back of the wagon, carrying a damp cloth. “I can be lookout! I’m a real good lookout!”

His feet kicked up dust as he ran over to Anna, but in spite of his usual speed, he held himself back when he got to her and handed her the cloth, offering it to her instead of thrusting it into her hands.

She wiped her face, reveling in the coolness, but also in the moment of hiding away from the others.

Mazogga squatted down to get closer to Anna’s eye level. “What do you think, dear? Do you need quiet or distractions, in the back?”

Anna blushed, but she was already putting the cloth against the back of her neck and couldn’t think of any graceful way to hide her face in it again. She looked down at her knees. “I - I think distraction, maybe? It was . . . when it was quiet in the front, I could hear -” she shuddered. “I - the wagon sounds are - I don’t know why I’m like this!”

Mazogga smiled sadly. “You do, love. You know. But it’s alright. These things take time. We’d best keep Jak and the Elder in the back with you, then. They are excellent distractions.”

Urokka squawked in protest, but Mazogga looked up at her with a half grin that softened the soothsayer immediately.

“Don’t pretend you don’t like a little mystique and penache, Zogga. We’ve known each other for too long.”

“I’d feel better taking a lookout with Kagnu, anyway,” Mazogga said, her voice conciliatory, “Best to be able to take the reins if her water breaks, even if we both think it won’t.”

“Does that sound good to you?” Gozukk asked, looking Anna full in the face with a soft concern that she knew meant he couldn’t be talking to anyone else, “You and I and Jak and Elder Urokka?”

Anna breathed through her nose, trying to think about the back of the cart as if it wouldn’t be moving, jostling, rattling, impossible. Gozukk and Jak. Gozukk and Jak made her feel safe, and she needed that too much to question it. She didn’t push on the thought, didn’t second-guess it, kept her mind light, dancing over the thought. Gozukk would stay with her regardless. He would stay. She would be safe. Jak. Jak was - “Yes, that sounds good,” she answered.

Jak bounced on his feet. “Oh! We can do more language lessons! Like that one time! Especially because you’re gonna meet somebody from another tribe!”

Elder Urokka nodded. “Don’t mind keeping my leg up for a bit longer. And I wouldn’t mind another look at your palm, child. Might find something reassuring.” She winked, and Anna managed a weak smile in response.

Gozukk got to his feet and then helped Anna up behind him. Still holding her hand, he said, “We can stop again, if we need to. None of us will mind.”

Anna felt her cheeks heat up again, but as she took a steadying breath through her nose, she realized she actually believed him. Strange. She looked him in the eye and nodded. “Thank you,” she answered in orcish, her tongue almost tripping over the unfamiliar syllables, but then managing.

Gozukk’s face broke into a smile. He answered in orcish, but then translated when she bit her lip, his voice warm. “You’re very welcome. We’ll teach you that one, next.”

“<<Thank you>> to that, too,” she answered, the orcish flowing more easily off her tongue this time.

Looking at Gozukk’s tusked smile almost made her feel like things would be alright.

#whump #d&d whump #emotional whump #panic attack tw #ptsd tw #yes I am alive just have been busy

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whimperwoods · 3 years

Text

Part 15 of Anna and Gozukk

Finally, a visit to Mazogga! Plus some bonus soothsaying from her best friend. And some plot! Ish.

The masterpost is here and includes a cheat sheet with character names/relationships.

tw: past slavery (series), tw: past abuse (series), tw: mind reading, tw: fantasy religion/mysticism, tw: medical, tw: wound care, tw: discussion of pregnancy, tw: discussion of birth

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

****

Anna’s mind was still half on Jak as she and Gozukk walked to the midwife’s tent. The boy had been so deeply asleep by the time his uncle arrived that Gozukk had been able to pick him up and carry him to bed without him so much as stirring. But at least worrying about him meant she didn’t have to think so hard about where she was going now.

Gozukk’s hand on her elbow was gentle, guiding her with no real force toward one of the tents he’d pointed out as he was showing her around two nights before, and he gave it a reassuring squeeze when they reached their destination, pausing with his hand halfway to the tent flap until she looked up, realized he was waiting on her, and nodded.

The tent was well-lit and clean, occupied at the moment by two old women. Gozukk bowed slightly in their direction, just deeper than a nod, and said, “Elders. This is our new guest, Anna.”

She followed his lead, ducking her head into a deeper bow so she could be sure they knew she meant to do it.

The woman had been seated on a pair of crates, each with a deep cushion on top of it, but at their entrance, both rose to their feet, putting down cups of tea and bustling over more quickly than Anna had expected, especially the one on the left, who nearly flew in spite of the cane in her hand that she leaned against her hip when she came to a halt.

By the time Gozukk finished, “Anna, these are two of our elders, Elder Mazogga and Elder Urokka,” one of them, Anna wasn’t sure which, had made it all the way to them and cupped Anna’s face in her hands.

The two orc women were wrinkled and hunched and might have come across as wizened if they weren’t both still a half head taller than she was, even now.

The woman holding Anna’s face closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to Anna’s, and Anna found herself wrapping her hands around the woman’s wrists out of instinct, before realizing it might not have been appropriate and freezing in place.

“Annuithiel,” the old woman breathed, saying Anna’s full name, for the first time in a long time, and Anna’s own breaths sped up, a rush of fear she couldn’t explain running through her.

“Yes,” the old woman said, her voice still breathy and strange, “You have come home, child.”

The other old woman swatted affectionately at the seer’s arm. “Honestly, Rok, you’re scaring the poor girl! Soothsay later, once I’ve gotten a look.”

Anna was too shocked to keep ahold of Urokka’s wrists as the old woman pulled her hands away from Anna’s face, snorting without any real displeasure at her friend.

The midwife moved on, slapping Gozukk lightly on the upper arm. “You’ve certainly waited long enough to bring her! I thought I was going to have to come to your tent myself.”

Then Mazogga was in front of Anna, her eyes slightly narrowed as she took Anna in. Anna found herself shrinking, pulling her arms in around herself under that sharp gaze. Mazogga’s eyes were surrounded by wrinkles, but they weren’t clouded in the slightest, and Anna felt suddenly naked, too thoroughly seen.

Mazogga patted her elbow. “Nothing to be afraid of, dear. Elder Urokka just can’t resist showing off for guests. Never has been able to.”

“And I’ve had three marriages out of it!” Urokka announced, “Not that she ever remembers to mention that part.”

Anna stole a glance at Gozukk, and he tilted his head faintly to the side, giving her a reassuring smile.

“Let me see your hand first, love,” Mazogga said, somewhere between a request and an order, and Anna obeyed without thinking about it.

The midwife’s hands were gentle as she unwrapped the bandages across Anna’s hand. “Hmm. Good wrap with the bandages, that’ll be you then, won’t it?” she said, glancing up at Gozukk before she finished talking but not bothering to wait for a reply. “It’ll heal faster with some salves, and not the ones you’ve already got at home.” She patted the back of Anna’s hand before she released it. “We’ll get something mixed up for you. Might as well get started on it now.”

Mazogga took a step back to look over all of Anna at once again. “Now, I’m going to need a look at your back - I’ve heard plenty already, dear, so you don’t have to tell me about it, but I’ll ask my friend to leave if you’d be more comfortable just the two of us. Gozukk will be getting more fuel for the fire, if I’m going to get started early, but he won’t be far away. It was about time to restock anyway, so we’ll use what I’ve still got now and send you back off with the first of the new batch.”

Anna’s head was spinning, but Gozukk had already nodded, as if he were used to it.

Urokka sniffed. “Now, I’ve no interest in poking around injuries, you know that. If you’ll let me stay, I’ll just be over by the brazier making some tea. Ought to get a good reading directly off you, if I can, love. Round out what I’ve already picked up. You are a bit - muddled, aren’t you?”

Mazogga bristled. “She’s just fine! Now don’t you go scaring her.” She turned her eyes back to Anna’s face and patted the back of her hand again. “You just let me know what you prefer, dear. She’s got her own tent to make tea in, if you want the privacy.”

Anna felt tongue-tied, and a look over at Gozukk provided no answers, just a raised eyebrow and a tilt of his head that put the question back on her.

Urokka had already picked up the teapot they’d had over their fire and poured the remainder of its contents into her own cup, to start over with a new pot.

Anna tried to steady her breathing and nodded. “It’s, um - it’s alright. I’m - I’m fine, Elder.”

Mazogga’s eyes softened as she smiled, patting Anna’s elbow again. “I should have known you’d be a polite one,” she said fondly, “Someone would’ve spoken ill by now, if you weren’t. But don’t let her bully you into anything.”

“I don’t bully,” Urokka said, somewhat stiffly, “I just sometimes act on the future before it happens. You can misinterpret it if you like.”

Mazogga leaned forward, lowering her voice conspiratorially, “She does also do that. It’s just not her only trick. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

Anna couldn’t imagine she’d have heard it from anyone else. She couldn’t imagine saying it for anyone to wonder where she’d heard it. She just nodded.

“Alright, then. Let’s get you seated over here. Up on the crate, if you would, saves me bending over so far.”

Djaana had cleaned her wounds like a friend, or an aunt, or a mother. Mazogga moved like a force of nature, and Anna felt like she was being swept along by a swift current. The midwife murmured to herself as she unwrapped Anna’s bandages and examined her injuries, a half-grunted stream of patter Anna could only snatch impressions of. Djaana was getting better, but Dumul was sure to have picked up some bad habits, not that he had come to her first for training anyway, but she’d have to keep an eye out. Master Kir was a long string of things in orcish that didn’t sound like they were good. Anna was doing well, dear, things would be better soon.

The salve Mazogga smoothed across her injuries stung sharply enough, for the first instant, to draw tears to her eyes, but then almost immediately numbed the area, leaving her just with an impression of pleasant coolness.

Mazogga patted her shoulder. “There we go, good girl. That’ll heal you up faster, and not feel so bad in the meantime.”

Mazogga worked quickly, addressing the wounds farther under Anna’s clothes first, so that by the time Gozukk stood outside, calling out that he’d gotten everything for the fire, she was fully dressed and it only took a raised eyebrow and a nod to confirm that he could come back in.

It felt deeply wrong to still be sitting on the little cushion on the little box when Mazogga knelt down beside her on the floor, ready to treat her calves and feet, and it felt even more wrong to be sitting up so high when she called Gozukk over to do the same. Anna’s face flushed deep red, and Urokka made a vague sound of sympathy, pressing a cup of tea into Anna’s hands from where she sat on the other box. “Now, drink that up, love. I want a look at the leaves when you’re done.”

Mazogga showed Gozukk how thick a diffferent salve should go on the faint burns along the bottom of Anna’s feet, but before he touched her leg to try it himself on the other foot, he looked up at Anna to check with her. She nodded her permission, and he squeezed her knee comfortingly and then cradled her foot in one large hand, treating the sole with the other.

Anna drank her tea too fast, ignoring how hot it was in favor of the excuse to hide part of her face and think about anything but the fact that she shouldn’t be here, that she should be the one on the floor, that Gozukk would worry if she hyperventilated, if she couldn’t keep herself calm.

“Now, you’ve always been a good boy,” Mazogga said, to Gozukk, “And I don’t have to tell you not to try to rebandage anything but her hands and feet yourself, but you might as well bring her back by here rather than asking your sister. I don’t know why you think she’s less intimidating than I am. She’s at least a foot taller, you know.”

Urokka had been studying the steam over the teapot intently and grabbed Anna’s hand once she’d taken the empty cup out of it, keeping a firm but gentle grip on Anna’s fingers while she peered just as intently at the dregs in the bottom of Anna’s cup.

“You can do the rebandaging yourself while we’re on the road,” she said cryptically, “She ought to share our tent, anyway. No reason to bring more than two.”

Mazogga’s face darkened, and for the first time, she looked at Urokka with serious eyes, the sparkle she usually turned toward her friend gone. “I was afraid of that,” she said softly, “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Mazogga rose to her feet with surprising grace and shoved gently at Anna’s shoulder, her motions a little more subdued. “All right, dear, up you get, you’re all done. Tell me how those new bandages are when you stand on them.”

“If it helps, she will heal,” Urokka said, her voice also growing more serious, with none of the dramatics from before. “Or at least, she can be going to heal.”

Mazogga sighed as she sank onto the cushion. “Yes, I suppose it’s best to make an early trip. And who knows. We might get some clarity on the rest of it, too.” Her eyes turned back to Anna. “You can put weight on them more easily now?” she asked.

Anna nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good.”

“How many do you think, for the spring?” Urokka asked, “I have - several thoughts at once. But you know you’ve always been the one better with timing.”

Gozukk cleared his throat, “Pardon me, Elders, but is it safe to leave with the caravan still set to return?”

“Oh, don’t worry, they’ll be near two months later coming back than they expected,” Urokka answered, “And before you ask about Kagnu’s baby, she’ll be coming along.”

Mazogga sighed. “It’ll be a difficult one, then?”

“The waters will help.”

Anna felt lost again, and standing up while everyone else was seated made her feel like she was being too idle, not moving to serve them, not getting lower out of principle. Her shoulders and upper back felt prickly, and she hadn’t quite managed to calm her blush. She shifted her weight awkwardly from one foot to the other.

Mazogga’s eyes turned back toward her. “Oh, sorry, dear, you can sit back down. We think you ought to have a ritual bath at the sacred oasis, and we think it would be better to take you before the tribe is ready to move in full. It’s not strictly healing, so I’m not going to make a fuss about it if you’d rather not, but Elder Urokka’s rarely wrong when she reads people. And if the omens are that bad for Kagnu, we’ll be needing to go anyway and might as well get ahead of things.”

Anna’s eyes widened. “Is it sacred to - to Kelemvor?”

Urokka reached over and Anna held out her hand for the woman to hold again. “It is and isn’t,” she answered. “It’s more - set aside, in general. To be there is a serious thing. A protective one, or an open one, or both. It’s - hmm.” She looked thoughtful. “It will not fix you. You will not find radiant light there if you aren’t looking, or if you don’t bring it with you. But it will give you - space. You are beset by storms, my dear, and you will still hurt when the storms are gone and you will still have a long road before you, but the oasis is a place where the storm can rain itself apart and pour into the spring and let you breathe. The gods are there but they are - it is not a temple, as the cities have, nor is there an altar like Mukzod’s. But if Kelemvor needs to be there he most certainly will. He’s just not likely to be alone.”

Gozukk sighed. “I suppose we already knew we wouldn’t be near enough the other tribe when her baby came to have the father there. I’ll - Azzor will understand if I wish to go myself, and I can sleep in the cart so we only need one tent.”

Anna’s eyebrow shot up.

“He’s closer to the oasis than he is to us,” Mazogga said. “We’ll send him a message. That’ll set Kagnu’s mind at ease, anyway. They’ve been writing letters, you know. But it’ll be easier to decide where they’ll live or if they want to do it together once they’re face-to-face. And once the baby arrives and isn’t just kicking her, unseen.”

“Two tents,” Urokka said definitively. “We’ll be bringing your nephew.”

“Dumul, Elder?” Gozukk asked, “I’m not sure he-”

“Oh, no, I’m sorry, dear, the other nephew,” Urokka answered, “Dumul knows his way already, bless him.”

“Bless him for a fool,” Mazogga muttered.

“Many things move at once, now,” Urokka said, shooting a glare at Mazogga. “But I can see bits of it clear. Jak will come with us. He’s on the cusp of becoming, more than you’ll have realized. You know how sudden it comes on with some young ones - their sense of purpose.” She smiled, turning to Gozukk. “He does take after you, nearly as much as he does his father, you know. For all your sister thinks Dumul’s the one most like you.”

Mazogga had been studying Urokka’s face as intently as she ever had Anna’s, but she suddenly relaxed in her seat.

“Alright, then. It’ll be good to have an extra set of hands and some quick legs. Best to have someone who can fetch and carry full speed, if we’ve got our hands full.”

“Jak does seem to like to move at full speed,” Anna said softly, sure, right up until Mazogga laughed, that only Gozukk would be able to hear. She blushed again, but the elder seemed amused, not insulted.

“That’ll be his father,” Mazogga said, “But Urokka’s right. He’s eager, and hasty, but there’s something under. Always was. Not so unlike you,” she said, her smile turning briefly to Gozukk, “But he’ll not have the chief’s responsibilities on his shoulders, either. So perhaps unlike in the ways that count, too.”

Anna realized, all of a sudden, that there was no real choice in the matter. She was still in the strong current of the rest of them, but she wasn’t sure she minded. Not if it might mean peace from the storm. Not if Gozukk would be there. Not if the trip they were talking about was needed anyway, and not only for her.

“I can help too,” she said softly, “I’m not as quick, but I can fetch and carry and boil water. And keep an eye on Jak. He - would the water help with his headaches?”

Mazogga’s eyes turned inquisitorial again, boring into her. “It’s not that kind of medicine,” she said, after a moment, “But when we return, I think you’d better come around a few times more. I can show you some things that are.”

Anna didn’t know what that meant, but she knew that even as thinking about it made the pit in her stomach deepen, it also made her feel - hope? She nodded, and Mazogga nodded back, her eyes still locked into Anna’s.

Urokka smiled, murmuring under her breath. “Many things move at once, indeed.”

#d&d whump #fantasy whump #gosh is it even really in this chapter or is it too much a bunch of characters and planning a trip?#wound care #medical tw #anyway i'm super happy to have gotten here #i knew mazogga and urokka were besties and Like That for a long time and i knew they'd say anna should go to the oasis #but it still went some fun places i didn't know it would!#the thing is i love all of them ahhh

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