#got this postcard a while back and like it sooo much but didn’t see it in a quick scan to reblog

[oldbutchdaniel]

[i4oba]

nct dream as… !%# types of dates .. 🥣⋆☄︎. *. ⋆

[non-idol ver.! just so you know eheh]

✰ MARK — drive-in theater

it honestly came to mind pretty randomly, as you two got back from your last exam of the semester, driving mindlessly for about two hours — not because you didn’t know what you want to do, but because you two simply just enjoyed doing nothing??? but so many things at the same???

just listening to the mixtape you made for mark, singing so loud everyone could hear since the windows were rolled down too… you felt a sense of freedom? some kind of… relief from the burdens??? it was a pretty hectic exam season you two had to endure and since it was finally over.. you couldn’t keep your excitement low

looking at each other with love and adoration, exhaustion vanishing in the company of the other one — it honestly should be studied? how easy it is for you two to affect the other???

you stumbled upon the drive-in theater by accident, it wasn’t planned or anything, you just wanted to simply spend your night at mark’s place and call it a day, watch a movie on his laptop while cuddling and stuff

but when you spotted the sign you couldn’t help but exclaim, getting all excited over it, even slapping mark’s upper arm… poor boy winced and just said “hey, no need to kill the driver”

you didn’t even need to convince him honestly, he immediately agreed and there you were… not knowing what was actually screening, blindly finding a good spot you two can park and enjoy the movie

it would’ve slapped if it was some kind of slasher horror from the 80s… but it was casablanca

WHICH IS SO CLICHÉ I KNOW BUT it makes So much sense and honestly, it’s such a big game changer to see it like that. it’s like an opportunity you shouldn’t miss

mark got some popcorn and something to drink, to make the whole atmosphere even more “vibey”, as he said, and you two just.. turned off your minds and watched the movie

discussing it and everything, like FELLAS, that’s the right experience! that’s how you watch a movie!!! YOU GOTTA ANALYZE THE SHIT OUT OF IT!!!!!!! ahah

in the end, when almost everyone drove away from the theater, leaving you two here with like.. only 3 other cars, mark gave a kiss on your lips, as a way of celebrating it all. it was for a fleeting moment only, yet it was so sweet and full of emotions

it was a reward, of some sort.

✰ RENJUN — museum date

there was this new exhibition at the local fine arts museum so… it wasn’t even a question that you two would literally RUN (and get a good use of the student discount ahah, it’s a lifesaver!)

casually choosing some elegant clothes which, of course, had to be matching to a certain extent – people HAVE TO see that you guys are together, plus it would look so good on the pictures

you expected lot more of people since it was the first week of the grand opening but it wasn’t that crowded. Which is a good thing honestly, you hate it when it’s sooo full you cannot even move properly

it was an exhibition of some impressionist works by some of the most renowed painters, it was a must to not only look the best, but to prepare yourself for a long day of strolling around

you usually spend tons of time in museums anyways, but this also as part of a date??? the security would have to kick you out asap.. ahah

renjun immediately reached for your hands to hold, while walking around, looking at the beautiful paintings, talking about whatever came to mind – not just about art itself, topics changed so fast you couldn’t even realize it by the time it did

being in art school meant that renjun can sometimes tell you little fun facts and tips&tricks he had learnt in uni

sometimes it amazes how well informed he is and how he knows so many know-hows.. not like you weren’t aware, you absolutely knew he’s smart AND TALENTED, but still ahah

after a good… 3 hours or so? you two decided to end the date with a quick stop at the museum shop :DDD it’s a must honestly, you gotta buy every magnet and postcard you can… especially of such beautiful paintings???!!! you would be stupid if you left without Anything

so you two bought tons of stuff… even some things you can exchange, as if they were gifts for one another :,) ahhh…

you just have to print out that picture of you two, taken in front of that big painting of mesmerizing flowers: renjun kissing you softly, hands on your waist, eyes closed

✰ JENO — stargazing

you had been planning this for literal days before… you know, getting everything together, like those cool ass lamps in a jar bottle with the led stuff, blankets you bought from a nearby art shop?? which sold basically everything??? ahah

drinks and snacks too… you were honestly So Ready to go stargazing! :D

you were supposed to go to that rather tiny park of the town which is mostly empty. that’s why you decided on going there, avoid people and stuff, just the two of you, looking at the constellations >:( honestly it’s so romantic it makes me Cringe (i crave it)

but in the end, you two decided to stay at yours instead, since your parents left for the weekend anyways, which is just a bonus: it’s the two of you in the backyard with the vast sky full of stars

idyllic??? romantic??? adorable and unforgettable??????

All of the above

at first, you two just sat down on the swing bed your father recently bought at a random flea market he religiously visited every weekend :,)

but then, to use the blanket you brought outside (what a tiresome task ahah), you two laid down on the ground instead

the first constellation you spotted was the big dipper, exclaiming when you noticed it on the sky, gently shoving jeno’s shoulder, who was rather nonchalant at first

he then, of course matched your energy, and got super super excited, especially after noticing the ursa major :D he felt like he accomplished his life goal or something ahah (hes so stupid but in a cute way)

what the cherry on top was is his hands, reaching for yours, fingers intertwining, as your heart warmed up – you looked at him, his beautiful face, and noticed that adorable eyesmile of his

life felt good. you felt at home

✰ HAECHAN — restaurant hop

he fucking hates cooking lmfao he’s all like “yo girl i don’t think we should let Me get near that oven… we might burn up the whole house IJBOL” (he would definitely use ijbol irl)

so you were like…

hyuck, you literally don’t even have to come to the kitchen bro, i will cook… which happens most of the times when you decide to stay at home for dates

but this day!!! to spare you from the tiring task of cooking!!!!!!!! he said that you guys should try out restaurant hopping

you were confused as hell honestly, like wdym you want that, aren’t you a picky mf lmfao

but he said that he’s feeling adventurous and is pretty much lazy to go hiking or anything that a sane person would go for

and he felt hungry so it was like the best choice in his eyes – you were sick of spending most of your nights at his (shared…) apartment so you agreed after like… 5 secs of persuading

you wanted to plan out where you should go and maybe book a table at some restaurant but he was all like “honey, we should be spontaneous, go with the flow…”, so you did???? Ahah

the first restaurant was not even a restaurant, it was just the first street food stall you two stumbled upon, getting something for the both of you

you didn’t want to feel full so early so you chose something light (unlike hyuck who was sure he was “alright” but after like the second stop, he was dying because his stomach was hurting “So Badly”)

you ended the restaurant hop with a donut at one of the bakeries you usually go to – you know, to finish it off with something familiar??? now lemme just say, it was chaotic, because haechan could BARELY finish it and made it your problem, whining like a little girl after every bite

like you told him not to get the biggest, sweetest and greasiest one but he was sooo sure in himself, he said he’s got an extra stomach for desserts

well… was he wrong…….

you spent 1.5 hours there!!!!!! he took so much time LMFAOXJAJX they were closing already and he still hadn’t finished

so you tried to rush him and stuff but he turned his princess mode on ahah

but at least, on the way back to his place, he bought you tulips :) it was such a sweet gesture <3

not as sweet as his donut was…… (he almost threw up the next day cause he was feeling nauseous from the food)

✰ JAEMIN — picnic date

jaemin was so excited :( he literally couldn’t stop talking about it like.. that’s right dude!!!!!! we’re going on a date!!!!!! A PICNIC DATE!!!!!

he would literally live in the kitchen before the occasion so that he can cook&bake tons of things for you to eat :) he’s so… he’s so malewife

all you’re left to deal with is bringing the basket and checkered blanket, every other things are settled! they are in his hands, under his control :D

you two went to the park which is right next to the lake – you wanted to see swans while talking about anything and everything that came to mind (he literally compared your beauty to that of a swan… which made you almost tear up like BOY YOU DID NOT… argghhh)

it was a must to start it off with the most basic and cliché thing of everything: the chocolate covered strawberries, feeding each other all lovey-dovey, tooth rottingly sweet and stuff

everyone was possibly like “okay lemme just kms” when they spotted you two, all up on each other, legs all tangled together, stealing kisses from the other, while giggling so loudly

it was SOO so idyllic, almost like you two escaped from a romance movie, or a painting. it felt… perfect, in a way?

birds singing, the sun shining gently on your skin, while you could hear the laughter of the children running around, clouds in animal shapes

then the sun slowly setting, pinkish hues taking up the sky above, everything becoming quiet as time passes by

he hugs you tightly. tighter than ever, perhaps

✰ CHENLE — karaoke

if two weeks pass by without you and chenle going to a karaoke… Most probably it’s because you broke up or something

like girl ain’t no way you WON’T go to karaoke dates… nuh huh, impossible to even think of that ??? CHENLE, out of all people

that’s the least believable thing like i promise you!

like saturday night are for the gir- KARAOKE!!!!! :P that’s how it always goes, getting ready, putting on some casual clothes, maybe eating something quick before that, and then spending the entire time singing your lungs out

you don’t even have energy by the end of it, like it… seems impossible to even crawl back home :,)

but honestly it’s all worth it, comparing your score and stuff, seeing which one of you sings better

sometimes you just open instagram and do lives too, so that your followers can pick who they liked more

(it’s always chenle’s acc though like SO MANY people follows him, he’s like a celebrity… ahah!)

haechan always comes to watch and roasts the both of you, especially when it can be seen that chenle kisses you here and there

he types “EWWWW GET A ROOM FREAKS” and thinks he’s hilarious lmfao

you always start the date with a quick and energetic song, one that boost your energy up easily and then… honestly it depends on your mood

sometimes you gotta be in your moods and sing romantic ballads to each other, as if it’s a serenade

but then again, moods swing so quickly and you can end up in a rap battle too

you would totally eat him up tbh… and he knows it so well

he finishes the date off with the most cheesiest, lovely romantic song ever… like a confession said yet again, for the hundreth time

✰ JISUNG — amusement park

it wasn’t his idea honestly

it was all you coming up with it, because there was that one roller coaster you’d always been scared to go on

and since you haven’t visited ever since you had jisung… you thought MAYBEEEE (just maybe) it would be better with him

you can at least hold onto him and stuff

he wanted to eat before the ride though… you did not let him, of course, since you didn’t want him to throw up on you AHAH

but like, why did he came there RAVENOUS? duh … you’re gonna say goodbye to your guts on the ride girl what did you expect

but you know, the ride wasn’t even the part you enjoyed the most – it was good, of course, just not that… outstanding? i guess? it was alright… especially because you could hold jisung’s hand so tightly :,) it was honestly so adorable

they should’ve taken pictures of you like you’re sure you would’ve put it on the fridge or something

but after that, you went to the gift shop, to get those silly headbands!!!!! you got one that resembled a cat, and jisung got one with a hamster >:( it was adorbs

you two looked like those IT couples that you can always see in instagram, you know, holding hands, taking silly candid pictures and then eating sooo much food

FINALLY!!! thought jisung probably ahah you got so many sweets it was like you could feel your tooth decaying lmfao

at the end of the day, you two decided to try out the freshly opened photo booth which had been going viral for weeks

it was… an experience to say the least :,) but the pictures came out prettier than ever!!!! except for the one where jisung sneezed and you got all scared because he was Loud loud ahah

but the compensation was a fleeting kiss on your cheek! which was also captured on one of the pictures :)

[kimsgoeun]

muses i wouldn’t mind using with some plot ideas. but always up for something different with any of them.  

some have tags and some don’t 🤷‍♀️some plots work better with some changes that can be discussed. gender roles do not matter plot wise (i just copy/pasted stuff)

camilla donnelly | appears 35 | demon | fc: amanda seyfried | tag

info: cynical. apathetic. prone to violence. manipulative. finds humanity a drab for the most part. but also used to be human, but can’t remember it. 

plot ideas: ▶   demon x human plot ▶   demon x angel plot ▶   You are a student with the least amount of magic potential ever recorded at the Academy and it’s the day of the familiar summoning test. A misplaced rune or word results in an arch demon/ess becoming bound as your familiar. ▶   Instead of having a guardian angel, you have a guardian Demon. His methods are often much more violent. But much more straightforward.

carmen stratten | 29 | unemployed (former event planner) | fc: kylie bunbury | tag

info: got married too young to someone she didn’t really love. pretty much let her mother run her life. only tried to live how she wanted to recently (burned lots of bridges and got divorced). was rather rebellious in her teen years. is kind of lost now that she’s starting over.

plot ideas: ▶   *whispers* a f/f thread where they’re two best friends, coworkers, whatever. who are both single and decide to spend valentine’s day together watching movies, eating snacks and drinking wine as gal pals but at some point of the night they’re singing to their favorite song because FUCK YEAH they sooo don’t need a man and slow dancing and there’s too much wine in their system and it’s all too unintentionally romantic that they start kissing and oh…..   ▶   we broke up right before a giant road trip our friends planned and we don’t want to bail on everyone and ruin the trip so yay, looks like we get to spend a five hour drive and a weekend in a cottage together. ▶   we’ve lived in this tiny ass town where everyone knows everyone because no one leaves and when we were young we would sit up at night on your roof and i’d listen to you talk about how you were actually going to do it one day and you did but you never knew i’ve had a crush on you ever since back then so when you send me postcards from all these different cities with bright lights it makes my heart hurt and here we are several years later and i’m finally starting to move on but oh wait you’re back and my heart’s beating like crazy well fuck au

cora hong | 29 | supernatural podcast host | fc: kim go eun | tag

info: curious. adventurous. can talk for hours about supernaturals. can have a one-tracked mind. slightly reckless. wants to prove supernaturals are real.

plot ideas: ▶   but a cute supernatural-y sort of plot where one muse is a regular person who is trying desperately to prove that the supernatural exist - phone recording everything, going out late at night into their small town’s too-big forest, pulling all-nighters for research, maybe going so far as dabbling in blood rituals - and the other muse is some supernatural creature trying desperately to keep them safe. they’ve known each other for a short while - a ran into b in that forest after they fed, perhaps ? - and a has clung to them since. and the more a whacks the hornet’s nest with their big stick ( so to speak ), catching the attention and aggravation of much more powerful beings, b is now caught up in feelings ( romantic or platonic, either way ! ) for this hyperfixating, overexcited, terribly emotional human who is so driven to prove there’s more out there that they’re willing to risk never seeing it all to show it. ▶   i’m a werewolf, whom you find wounded on the side of the road (as a wolf) and take in/nurse back to health – i can’t shift back into human form because it’ll freak you the fuck out. you share your secrets and hopes and dreams with me, and i fall in love with you, so, when you’re away from home, i shift back into a man and try to get you to fall in love with me too. ▶   muse a needs a change of scenery after a traumatic event has them running from their home town. they find a town in the mountains, secluded and intimate, where nobody knows their name. they move into the only available house in town, an ancient victorian style home that seems to be covered in dust… except for the master bedroom. muse a spends the first week cleaning up the entire house from top to bottom, and finds themselves taking a bubble bath sunday night…. only to find muse b, a supernatural being, looming over them, demanding to know why they were in their home. ▶   muse a is a typical student working at a dead end minimum wage job, on their way home from work when they realize they’re being followed. they try to outrun the thugs, but are quickly cornered by them in an alleyway deep in the dark side of town. things seem bleak, but not for long when muse b steps into the alleyway and makes quick work of her enemies… by eating them. muse b is a ghoul. muse a is able to make eye contact with their bloodied face once before passing out cold, surprising muse b. well, they were just going to eat them all, but with muse a’s stunning looks and soft behavior, they found themselves taking muse a back to their home, to figure out just what to do with this human.

daria yang | 25 | pawn shop employee | fc: jessie mei li | tag

info: charismatic when they want to be. otherwise kind of an asshole. independent. doesn’t mind taking short cuts to get what they need/want. doesn’t have any real ambitions in their life. 

plot ideas: ▶   pls give me “we’re exes who ended on kind of shitty terms but are trying to ‘stay friends’ anyway, and we occasionally sabotage each other’s dates, get drunk and fuck, scream and fight until four in the morning and still refuse to acknowledge maybe we’re not quite as over each other as we like to think we are.” ▶   so I need a ‘you’re a person of high wealth/status and I legally married you at a courthouse the night before your wedding because you found out your fiancé is trying to dupe you and your family out of money/ruin your reputation as a revenge plot because of an old family rivalry and they’re not legally entitled to your assets if you’re already legally married to someone else and you agreed to pay me a high sum of money for this and I have a lot of debt so I didn’t pass up the deal but then your ex hits back at you in the media and we have to keep up the charade of being married and you agree to keep paying me money for it but oops I think I might be enjoying more than just the money and oops you’re starting to grow fond of me and this wasn’t part of the deal shit fuck’ plot please and thank you

declan finch | 38 | actor | fc: adam brody

info: a little too self-centered. a flirt. can be a jerk. doesn’t have the best reputation. doesn’t really let people see the real him. 

plot ideas: ▶   i just want a i have a famous boyfriend but i cannot tell anyone plot cause cute like going out at night and dressing him up so that people won’t recognize him, secret meetings at the closet and FUCKING inside the bus   ▶   “You’re the sibling of a celebrity and hate your sibling’s celebrity bestie because their cocky and annoying, but oops the bestie falls for you and now is trying to win your attention/affection by sending you gifts and talking about you in interviews and maybe you don’t totally hate the attention after all.” ▶   a plot where a male celebrity has gotten a really bad reputation for sleeping around with his costars and just being an awful boyfriend in general and his management decides to set him up with an up and coming star to not only help her career but his as well, and while the entire world is loving their new relationship and they have quickly become everyone’s favorite celebrity couple, the pair cannot stand each other

eden lohr | 28 | princess | fc: willa fitzgerald | tag

info: can either be super sweet or a bitch. super studious. isn’t afraid to speak her mind. goes for what she wants. seems super nice tho based on appearances. uses her attractiveness to her advantage. can get jealous. isn’t the most open about her personal life.

plot ideas: ▶   "we met in the woods while riding early in the morning and had an intense fuck session but opps turns out you are actually my brother's betrothed since birth and your marriage will end up a centuries long dispute between our kingdoms" ▶   muse a is a knight—it’s all they have ever wanted to be. muse b is a prince/princess, and muse a is assigned to personally protect them. this could go one of two ways—they could be fond of each other and eventually fall for one another, even though muse b is meant to marry into a noble family; OR they could both dislike each other but honor dictates that muse a must put up with muse a, and it’s more like an enemies-to-lovers sort of deal. ▶   a good old arranged marriage plot—muse a and muse b are engaged to be married by their parents, in hopes to make both of their houses stronger. one way this could go is if the muses couldn’t really stand one another—their personalities are opposites and they initially completely balk at the suggestion of their marriage. or they could start out nervous but willing to give it a shot, so they’re all awkward and antsy around one another since they’ve never met before but they’re expected to be married.

elizabeth zhu | 38 | lawyer | fc: gemma chan | tag

info: had a shitty upbringing. made all the bad decisions as a teenager. is very unhappy with her current life. recovering addict. can be socially reserved. uses physical intimacy to avoid emotional connections. has a hard time being vulnerable and asking for help.

plot ideas: ▶   pray tell, who is going to give me the vanilla asf (LEGAL!!!) age gap plot of my dreams.... ft an emotionally repressed older muse a who fucked off to this tiny town in the mountains YEARS ago for whatever reason and they’re just trying to live a semi-functioning life in relative peace until muse b waltzes into town.... maybe to escape their past.... for a fresh start... who is to say..... and muse a is so enraptured by them bc muse b is just this wonderful breath of fresh air n muse a hasn’t had that in years n they click so painfully well.... two ppl learning to heal and become each other’s light... but ALSO the drama of “i’m too old for you” and “i don’t think i can be what you need” and “you can’t keep shutting me out” like please i am beyond desperate. i Can and Will give you my left kidney for this ▶   plot about muse a and muse b who were two high school sweethearts who had a really bad break-up but are always kind of on each other’s minds even as the years pass and then one day muse a moves into an apartment complex miles away from their hometown because of a job and their neighbor is constantly having sex and it’s just getting really annoying so one night they they go knock on the door to say ‘HEY CAN YOU STOP BANGING ALL THE TIME I’M TRYING TO SLEE–’ and then whoops it’s muse b. surprise!!

ezmeray suvari | 28 | subtitle translator | fc: demet özdemir | tag

info: absolute sweetheart. believes in the best of people. can be a little naïve because of it. loves learning languages and traveling. has horrible judgement when it comes to romantic partners. 

plot ideas: ▶   ok but someone give me that cute bartender storyline though? like this guy tends bar at a restaurant or a pub or something and always sees this cute girl hanging out there, but she’s always either with friends or with some guy so he never really gets the time to talk to her BUT ONE DAY she walks into the place alone and orders so many drinks until she’s so bloody drunk, screaming about how her boyfriend cheated on her, that the bartender had to bring her home himself. she wakes up with a horrible hangover, stumbles out the room to find the bartender cooking breakfast and rolling his eyes, laughing. “first of all, you’re an idiot. second, we didn’t have sex if that’s what you’re wondering. third, breakfast will be ready soon. sit.” and fluff commences HELP PLZ   ▶   okay  but  hear  me  out  ,  a  plot  loosely  based  on  jim  &  pam  in  the  office  ???  where  these  two  co-workers  are  crushing  at  each  other  but  one  of  them  is  taken  but  still  this  doesn’t  mean  they  can’t  lightly  flirt  at  work  .  .  .  and  then  one  day  at  a  happy  hour  or  something  they  end  up  hooking  up  and  oh  my  god  how  awkward  are  things  gonna  be  now

florence fitzgerald | 31 | gang leader & owner of casino | fc: brianne howey | tag

info: badass boss bitch. fiercely loyal. family oriented. can be spiteful/vengeful. doesn’t do second chances. took over her family’s business. 

plot ideas: ▶   head of the mafia starts dating someone who doesn’t know what they do, just simply thinks they’re this rich businessperson, but after dating for a few months and falling head over heels, they find out what’s really going on and cue ALL of the angst ▶   boss and right hand man/woman have a thing ▶  rival family gang  ▶ i really want a beauty and the beast inspired au where the ‘beast’ isn’t an actual beast, but someone like a gang leader, someone who everyone views as a monster. ‘belle’ is a small town, family oriented book nerd with a big heart. when her father (or any family member, really   brother, sister, even a friend) gets themselves into trouble, she makes a deal with the ‘beast’ to save them. for their freedom, she gives up hers. he’s cruel, short-tempered   she’s scared, withdrawn. overtime, ‘belle’ finds herself warming up to the ‘beast.’ his cold exterior has melted. he’s kind, sweet to her. he finds himself protective over her, surprising her with little gifts. and before they know it, they’ve fallen in love.

hanna bok | 28 | actuary | fc: seol in-ah

is not relationship oriented. likes to be honest. loyal friend. enjoys her independence. can come off cold/uncaring. 

plot ideas: ▶   muse A is trying to get over an ex and muse B is known to prefer casual hookups rather than dating so muse A approaches them for rebound sex.  as expected,  they say yes.  however,  muse B has secretly been harboring feelings for them. ▶   I love girl/girl relationships where one is just constantly grumpy and the other is this cheerful happy go lucky person who is always amused by their gruffy mcgruff gruff girlfriend ▶   basic plot idea where my muse is kind of cold and unaffectionate with anyone, but is friends with your muse who recently went through a bad breakup. my muse suggests or agrees to fake being in a relationship with your muse to make their ex jealous. but then my muse starts to like the fake relationship a little too much and falls for yours

hui liyang | 32 | con artist | fc: ni ni | tag

info: burned by her family. uses people to get what she wants. doesn’t trust people easily (or at all tbh). has lots of walls up. lies about herself all the time. deeply insecure.

plot ideas: ▶   but what about “your ex hired me to make you fall in love with me then break your heart but oops i think i fell in love and now i’m conflicted what the fuck is happening i’m supposed to hurt you ow what am i sUPPOSED TO DO” that’d be rad   ▶   a rough around the edges, con artist girl is doing dirty work for her shitty boyfriend and they decide to target a rich, wealthy, cocky sort of young socialite male who feels like his life is a bit empty and redundant, and she may seem like she’s in this con artist game for the money (and she is, partly, because she grew up really poor and knows how it feels to starve) but she also has an unhealthy attachment to the boyfriend even though he treats her like crap and uses her to attract rich males, and then, on the night where she has dressed up and come up with a fake name and is about to make her move on the rich young man she realizes oh, he’s actually extremely attractive and cute and not like the other creepy old men she preys on? and oh, he’s actually extremely charismatic and witty and charming and kind of a dick, but not to her? and oh, now they’re kind of going out on multiple really amazing dates and spending tons of time together and she’s supposed to be digging for his deepest secrets and finding out numbers to his safes and stealing jewelry pieces he probably won’t miss and then one night, her wallet falls out of her bag and… OH, why is her name not the name that she said it was on her drivers license and why are his personal, private cartier bracelets engraved with his initials in there too and who the fuck is calling her phone ?????? ▶   Y’all. I need an ‘I’ve got no where to live, so I went to a fancy hotel pretending I’m rich & fancy AF, and pretended to be your wife in order to get the key to your room. But please don’t yell and kick me out when you see me laying in your bed with your robe on while watching pay per view on the TV and eating the mini bar snacks. But wait, this works out in your favor? Now I have to actually pretend to be your wife so your crazy mother will get off your back about marriage? As long as I get to keep all the clothes you buy me’ plot.

im ye-jun | 28 | pro-gamer | fc: song kang | tag

info: gaming nerd. hasn’t really cared about being in a relationship or finding romance. isn’t always the best with social cues. considers himself kind of boring. very kindhearted and tries to help others. comes off rather aloof. more on the reserved side. 

plot ideas: ▶     a plot where both muses are hardcore gamers ( possible twitch streamers or youtube creators ) & they get invited to an event which is where they meet and from then on, they became inseparable. they live very far away from each other but always bond over playing games together & facetime before bed. until eventually they decide to invest and move in together. they take things slow due to them both being busy & it’s just very cute and full of fluff & “I miss you” phone calls ▶     give me a plot based off of ‘my love story with yamada-kun at lv999′; after muse a’s bf dumps them for someone they met online in a game, muse a decides to show up to a game event in the hopes of getting their ex to regret their decision. muse b is a well-known gamer online but doesn’t have much interest in the real world. the pair happen to meet in person after realizing they know of each other through one of the games muse b plays. muse a, spotting their ex and their new gf, convinces muse b to pretend to be in a relationship with them just to save face.

jang soo-min | 25 | athletic trainer | fc: park yoo-na

info: very work-oriented; sarcastic; more of a tomboy; reactive; likes to host parties; social

plot ideas: ▶    muse  a  was  invited  to  spend  the  summer  at  their  best  friends  beach  house  with  their  entire  family  ,    including  the  older  brother  /  sister  (  muse  b )  that  they’ve  had  a  small    (  but  hopeless  )    crush  on  since  middle  school  .    despite  all  the  years  they’ve  known  each  other  ,    they’ve  never  spent  this  much  time  around  each  other  and  it’s  hard  to  keep  their  eyes  off  of  one  another  ,    especially  when  the  hot  summer  sun  is  involved  .   ▶  i just need a “hey, i know you’re dating my brother but he’s an asshole and just playing with you but me, i’m in love with you since 3rd grade” plot?   ▶   Oh your parents planned a surprise visit and now you’re having that awkward ‘Where is your life going? We’re low key disappointed in you.’ conversation in a ridiculously public place? Here let me pretend to be the reason you’ve been staring at your phone this whole time. “Hey baby, sorry I’m late.”   ▶   athletic trainer x athlete

jasper o’hara | 26 | financial analyst | fc: alex fitzalan (can be changed)

info: a little impulsive; was a major screw-up growing up (still is a little bit now); tends to avoid relationships; a smart-ass; has a strained relationship with his family; doesn’t really believe he’s capable of much

plot ideas:   ▶  “academic rivals to lovers but she’s the only one who hates him and he’s been in love with her since the day they met” ▶  pls gimme a cliche ass plot with two best friends where muse a is an asshole who fucks everything with a pulse & doesn’t care about anyone but gets super protective etc about their best friend muse b at all times!!   ▶   “i had to be ur fake boyfriend/girlfriend bc some creep was hitting on you and it was making you uncomfortable and now i have busted knuckles and a cut lip but hey are u okay” au  

jia park | 27 | unemployed | fc: han so-hee | tag

impulsive. can be petty. has ambitions but no follow-through. lives off of her family’s money for the most part. wears her heart on her sleeve if she cares. can be childish and brash at times. also can be defensive. secretly insecure and puts on a very tough front. 

plot ideas: ▶   give me a “i’ve been in love with my best friend forever but they’ve never noticed, so i decided to start something up with best friend’s enemy/rival in the hopes of making them jealous.” ▶   anyone wanna do a modern romeo/juliet plot?? where their parents are the heads of rival companies or are huge celebrities who have been in a known feud for years and they meet and try to sneak around in secret but there’s paparazzi and tabloids and all that someone please do this with me

min moon-ji | 31 | art teacher | fc: shin hye-sun

info: soft spoken; takes her a while to warm up to people; invisible middle child; doesn’t like asking for help

plot ideas: ▶    “Muse A is well-mannered, polite, quiet, and shy, and Muse B didn’t even know they existed until they tap on Muse B’s shoulder and asks them out super awkwardly/nervously. Muse B, feeling bad for them, agrees and ends up having a rather awkward and weird first date with them. Despite this, Muse A asks them out a second time, and while Muse B doesn’t exactly think it’s a good idea, finds themselves agreeing again. Of course the second time around, Muse A goes in for a kiss and it ends up not being chaste, sweet, or awkward like Muse B expects, but instead it’s rough and passionate and oops, now Muse B is a little more interested to see where things lead.”   ▶   we’ve been best friends since we were kids, and people always see us as practically siblings, and we do everything together, but one night we had a ~ moment ~ and things have been weird ever since. now you’re making out with someone else right in front of me, and i don’t know why it makes me so upset, you’ve had bfs/gfs before and it wasn’t a problem.   ▶  teacher x teacher ships

phoebe keller | 27 | jewelry maker | fc: adeline rudolph

info: is not the golden child of her family. has a strained relationship with her family in general. tries to accomplish a lot of things to compensate. craves a sense of belonging. can be a little bitter. sweet and sassy. sarcastic. always has a million projects going on. 

plot ideas: ▶   a plot where the muses are best friends with obvious sexual tension but they’ve never done anything about it until one night they’re watching movies together like they always do and their hands accidentally touch and muse a just so happens to notice that it makes muse b blush and of course they start being cocky and teasing muse b endlessly like “really THAT’S enough to make you blush wow” and then it becomes a personal goal of muse a’s to see what else makes muse b blush and so muse a puts a hand on muse b’s leg like “does this make you blush” and muse b keeps ignoring them so it gradually gets worse and muse a starts kissing their neck and maybe even slips a hand between muse b’s thighs like “what about this” and it’s just ! lots of tension and teasing and :~) ▶   “you broke my little sisters heart so i’m going to make your sister fall in love with me and do the same” ▶   give me a plot of “i’m your father’s mistress && and was nearly caught sneaking out early one morning but you saved the day by introducing me as your girlfriend && now your mother invited me to spend the summer at your vacation home so we have to spend the entire summer pretending to be in love.” 

samantha pérez | 35 | writer & criminal | fc: ana de armas | tag

info: very vindictive. has a loose view on morality/good vs. bad. claims to be a writer but is an awful writer. loves to learn about anything poisonous. will enact revenge against you if you’ve wronged her in some way aka has killed someone. likes to be considered smart/clever. always put 110% into everything she does. 

plot ideas:  ▶   not going to lie i 100% want a plot where muse a is an assassin that has been dating muse b for over a year and has managed to keep their career a secret until they get called in for a new assignment and find out that muse b is their next target. it would be so full of angst and drama and yes just give it to me please. ▶   i stole your car and the police aren’t doing anything so you decided to track me down yourself and you found me, but whatcha gonna do, i went through your stuff so i know all your secrets. ▶   your dad is my biggest enemy in the crime world and you’re a straight-up rebel, so to piss him off you decide to sleep with me and wow, it was fucking amazing, but now your dad is out to kill me so what now. ▶ ok but a plot where one is a criminal that’s on the run from the police, and they stumble across this practically empty motel that’s in the middle of nowhere, and they think, hey, perfect place to hide out for a few weeks until the manhunt dies down. the motel is run by a married couple, and their sheltered, somewhat naive child – well, actually they’re an adult by now, but they’ve never left their small town, had a job outside the motel, or been anywhere, and their parents still treat them like a kid. the criminal checks in, of course not mentioning why they’re here, and the owners’ kid is fascinated by their guest – they hardly ever get guests for more than a night at a time, let alone guests who seem to have so many interesting stories and secrets….

sebastian pierce-waldorf | 25 | brand marketing assistant | fc: felix mallard

info: arrogant and a little condescending; tries to please his parents even if he hates the life they want for him; kind of a stick in the mud; high-strung; leads a semi-double life to let off steam; occasionally does underground ring fights; too emotionally unavailable to be in relationships

plot ideas: ▶  enemies to lovers // enemies with benefits ▶  “We’re fake-dating and I’m supposed to publicly break up with you but you’ve been irritating me lately so instead of dumping you I publicly proposed to mess up your plan and now we’re getting married, fuck” au ▶ childhood friends where you’re about the only person i can stand being around and i’m really protective over you

sun-hee “sunny” park  | 29 | script supervisor | fc: lee sung-kyung | tag

info: likes to be work-oriented. has bad taste in romantic prospects. desperate to find love though. sarcasm is her defense mechanism. gets easily annoyed by stupid people at work. 

plot ideas: ▶   ‘we promised we were going to write a tv show one day but we never did it because we grew apart but wait – didn’t i just hear these kids on the bus talking about a tv show that sounds a lot like our idea? wait, you are the one writing it? you do realize that story was half mine, right? i wANT MY MONEY’ au ▶   we used to be friends but then you become famous and left our town to travel the world but not once you texted me back. now you’re back and you wanna go back to the way we were? ha no not happening ▶   What about a plot of a personal assistant and a celeb? One where she’s been working for him since he had gotten famous. He can’t go anywhere without her and brings her everywhere he goes. They are more like best friend than boss and assistant. The media jokes about how they act like a married couple. And he can’t help but mention her during interviews. Sometimes they even sleep in the same hotel room when she’s working late. BUT NO IT’S TOTALLY PLATONIC!! That cuddling they did the other night?? Completely what friends do!

winona renwick | 31 | vampire | transcriptionist | fc: poppy drayton

info: likes to be alone since being turned. tries not to mingle with humans. kind of a grump. hates being a vampire. hesitant to make any kind of connection with others. 

plot ideas: ▶  “i’m a vampire and we met when you were still human and we fell in love and planned out our whole eternal life together but on the night i turned you i freaked out over the commitment and abandoned you in the middle of the night & now it’s over a century later and we’re only just seeing each other again for the first time since and there’s so much hatred in your eyes when you look at me but fuck you still look just as hot and make my heart race as much as you did back then and i think i made the biggest mistake of my life in leaving” au ▶   okay but a dracula untold style plot where vampire vlad has been alive for centuries loving one soul over and over again as he finds her again. he finds her again in the twenty first century, his mina, shes all bright hair and those same old eyes, there’s only one problem, she just so happens to be the daughter of a hunter and has been trained to kill creatures like him all her life. ▶  vampire x vampire plot

[maevesdarling]

Take me home tonight

Sooo, I decided to post chapter 1 of the story @unicorn-cloud and I have been cooking up for a while. This plays post series in an alternative universe. There’s mentions of gore and canon typical violence in both this and the second chapter, basically Walt is not dealing with things as good as he thought... I’m not sure how many chapters this story will have, probably around 3 to 4, also please be kind to me it’s been a long time since I uploaded my works to Tumblr, thx!  

Chapter 1: The Call

Later, after he put his gun and badge down and moves further away from the border, Walt gets a call from an unknown number. He contemplates not picking up. It's been years since Kiki's death and operation Leyenda. He thinks, for a moment, that it could be Miguel Angel, calling him from his jail cell to taunt him, but no, he's not important enough to that man and besides, Miguel Angel doesn't wield as much power as he used to.

There are others. New players in this fucked up game, Walt knows that. He saw them rising on the horizon like a looming thunderstorm, ready to destroy the earth in it's path. But for now, he decided to enjoy his peace. His back's been bothering him more as of lately and he's got a few more grey hairs. He quit smoking about a year ago, after his doctor told him to do so. He's had a few setbacks since then, a half finished pack is always hidden underneath his kitchen sink, just in case he needs a fix. But overall, he's trying to stay away from the cigarettes and eat more healthy, even though the microwavable dinners at the supermarket look damn tempting, especially since it's only himself he's cooking for.

He's up in Colorado these days. The DEA was kind enough to leave him with a nice sum of retirement money, probably to shut him up after all the shit he pulled of during his career and to be fair he doesn't blame them.

He buys a nice enough house on the outskirts of town, with some additional property, a rundown barn and an old apple tree orchard that he has no plan on using. The weather's less hot, and there's a few lakes where he can fish, but otherwise, it's pretty much like any other town he's lived in. The dark red sandstones dotting the farmland remind him of Mexico. Of sitting in the hot sun and watching a small airfield in the distance, with a pair of binoculars in his hand. Sal's voice next to him asking about their next move. It's nostalgic in a way.

The first day, after he finished dropping off his stuff in the small, rundown house, he sets off to drive around, get familiar with the place. He finds a shabby bar, a small supermarket, a post office, a family owned diner and a few farms, with cows and hundreds of chickens roaming the surrounding fields, that sell local products. Over time, he ventures out further and discovers some more bars, supermarkets and, to his surprise, a gay club.

It's well hidden, two cities over, wedged between an antique bookstore and a barbershop. It looks nothing like a club from outside, and from the inside, it's hardly distinguishable from any other bar Walt has ever set foot in. But he knows where to look, it's something you learn over time.

The first time he orders a drink, his eyes fall on a guy sitting on the other end of the bar. Dark hair and dark eyes, with a bristly moustache. He's wearing a black cowboy hat and a jeans jacket, it's not what he would have worn. Plus he only looks a slight bit like Sal, his face is much older, more weathered from years of hard work in the sun, but it's enough for Walt to give in to his yearning.

He buys Not-Sal a drink and they fall into an easy chatter. Two hours later, Walt is driving him back to his house. Not-Sal is more experienced than Walt had thought when he starts undressing him with steady hands, his fingers touching in all the right places, he's already prepared, as if he'd been expecting this to happen, and doesn't mind it when Walt accidentally let's Sal's name slip at the height of his pleasure.

They lie together afterwards, sharing a cigarette between them, neither of them ready to leave yet. Walt is slowly falling asleep to the feeling of another person combing their hands through his hair. When he wakes up the next morning, the house is empty. There's a note on his kitchen table, a short thank you message, that's it. Next time he's at the club, Not-Sal is gone. He finds someone else. A different man, with dark hair, dark eyes and a friendly face, and then another and another. Some of the men he brings over are kind, they'll stay the night and sometimes even the morning, to share a quick meal with him before they move on, others leave almost immediately after they finish. Some of them yell out Walt's name as they come, others don't. And some yell out another man's name, but that's okay because so is Walt.

He's careful with the company he keeps. Always making sure that no one sees him leaving the club with another man, driving different routes back home and of course he's always stocking up on enough condoms because he's not stupid, he knows how important protection is.

Even though he's had a few men over, none of them return for longer than a couple of times. Its fun, to fill the mornings with senseless chatter, and to fall asleep in another person's arms. But they're not Sal.

He's longing for him. Even after all those years he's still longing for him. It's been three, almost four years since he last heard from Sal. He was moving to San Francisco. The DEA wanted someone new up there and Sal was growing tired of the shit hole they had placed him in after Mexico. They had called each other almost everyday, sometimes they would even meet each other, for a quick chat and an even quicker fuck. There was never enough time.

Sal wanted to call him back, he promised, once he was in San Francisco, to call him every day. Write a postcard. But nothing came. The telephone was silent for two whole months and Walt was desperate. First, he checked the newspapers for any missing or recently deceased people, when that search came up empty, he started to search the phone book for Sal's new address but of course that came up empty as well. He kept buying new phone books, just in case and by now, there was a small bookcase filled with old phone books in his house, and not a single one held an address for Sal Orozco. It was almost like he never exited. Only Walt's memory kept him from going insane. The fading photos on his wall, the one he kept in his wallet, next to a picture of Greg and his family. One of Sal's shirts he forgot in Walt's apartment in Texas, it had long stopped smelling of him, but nevertheless, Walt would pick it up and inhale deeply, thinking that the ghost of Sal's smell was still there, etched into the fabric. He slept with the shirt, on those nights when he woke up drenched in sweat, screaming and with a thundering heart. He wrenched his eyes open but he saw them anyway, Amat, Ossie, Danilo, sometimes even Kiki. He saw them die, he saw their bodies, bruised, burned, riddled with bullets, standing in front of his bed, he could hear them calling out his name. "You killed us, Walt." They'd point at him, blood dripping from their fingertips onto his bedsheets. Those nights were the worst. Sometimes they could only be stopped with an entire bottle of whiskey.

The dreams had gotten better since he found the dog. The dog didn't have a name. He was a stray, with dark, golden fur and dirty white paws. He picked him up on his way home from an unsuccessful night at the club, the dog was covered in ticks and fleas, one eye had been badly bruised and he was tied to a tree by the side of the road. Clearly abandoned. He expected the dog to bark at him, or worse, bite him, when he kneeled down beside him to untie him, but instead, it sat down in front of Walt and started wagging it's tail, as if he'd known Walt all his life. He took the dog in and gave it a bath, making sure that no ticks or fleas survived, before driving him to the vet the next morning to check out his eye. The vet couldn't save it and so Walt decided to take him in, just another broken thing keeping his company.

He put a collar on the dog and called him his, they slept in the same bed and sat on the couch together, watching football games and stupid action movies. The dog went fishing on the lake with him, even though he was no big help in catching the fish, he also liked to run around the orchard and sit on the front porch to sleep, and Walt liked to sit beside him and think, scratching behind his fluffy ears. Sometimes he wondered if Sal liked dogs. What he'd say if he met his dog.

The other animals were intentional. Walt bought a couple of chickens to sell their eggs at the local farm, and to keep himself busy. Then he renovated the old barn as best as he could and bought three goats to sell their meat, but once he saw them in their pen, he decided they weren't going to the slaughter house and kept them for their milk instead. He also fixed up the orchard as best as he could and started collecting the apples. Soon the onslaught of apples was too much for him to handle and so he collected them in a few boxes, along with the chicken eggs and sold them to the nearest farm. Surprisingly, the people around town started knowing him once he started visiting the farm more frequently. He would have regular conversations with some of them and at some point, even started looking forward to see them. He didn't go to the town hall meetings, or to Sunday mass, and the people had been weary of him, but once they saw him with his dog and the boxes of apples in his trunk, they warmed up to him.

He enjoyed his new life. It wasn't luxurious, but that wasn't what he wanted for himself anyway. He was no Miguel Angel. He didn't need a fleet of private planes and a couple of hotels to be happy.

The phone rang again and reminded him of his current situation. The dog had stopped wagging it's tail on the couch beside him and was looking at him with his one eye, almost as if he was saying "what are you waiting for?"

And so Walt picked up the phone, fully expecting Jamie or Ed or someone else from the DEA to yell at him to get his ass back to Mexico.

"Hello... is this Walt Breslin?" The phone slipped from his grasp and fell, he caught it in his suddenly sweaty palms, pressing the shell back against his ear. Three years silence could not erase the memory of that voice. Hushed conversations between them, hiding behind a parked car as they watched over a suspect, a gasp and then a low moan, while Walt kept hitting that one spot inside him, that set Sal's body on fire, a chatty conversation over two mugs of steaming coffee in a diner that ended with both of them laughing hysterically. Walt had enough memories for an entire lifetime with that voice, he would recognize it anywhere.

"Sal-" He breathed, rearranging the phone against his ear.

"Is- Walt is that you? Oh my god- fuck- I found you!" There was a short pause on the other end of the phone and for a moment Walt thought he was imagining things, then Sal's voice returned. "I- I'm sorry, Walt. I'm so sorry-" He sobbed, apologizing over and over.

"Sal- How did you find me? Wh- Are you alright? Is- do you need help?"

"No, no, I'm fine, Walt. I am. I just- fuck- I missed you so much. Where are you? I called you're old address so many times- I thought something happened to you…"

"Shh, I'm okay. I'm in Colorado. Small town near Denver. I'll give you the address… That is… If you want me to…"

"Yes! I mean... yes I want- I want to see you. If that's okay. I need to- need to know you're okay."

He contemplated with himself wether to ask this or not, but in the end, Walt did it anyways. "It's been three years, Sal. Why did you never call? What's changed?" Another sobb from the other end of the line. "I'll tell you. In person. Friday? Is that okay for you?" Walt squinted at his calendar. Friday was in two days, he needed to clean the house, buy some groceries and pack the car for Sunday's apple delivery.

"Yeah, Friday works."

"Alright. I'll see you on Friday… Walt… I missed you."

"… Missed you too Sal."

He put the phone down slowly, feeling like he was still in a dream. The dog had noticed something was off about his behavior and was staring at him in concern. " 's alright bud, I'm just… surprised, is all. We'll meet a friend of mine on Friday. I hope you'll like him…"

Lost in his thoughts, Walt began his evening routine, closing the chicken pen, checking on the goats and refilling the dogs food in case he got hungry during the night, only when the brown cibbles hit the kitchen tiles did he notice his thoughts slipping off. The only thing on his mind was Sal. Sal with his kind face and the warm, dark brown eyes, Sal wrapping an arm around his hips and pulling him closer, Sal whispering into Walt's ear. A hushed love confession neither of them dared to talk about. So, so many memories they shared between them, how was he supposed to wait any longer to see him again?

Friday couldn't come soon enough.

[uservillanelle]

KILLING EVE 3x03 ― Bus Scene

Its been over 24 hours now since episode 3 aired and yeah... I’m still very shocked and I’m almost sure I dreamed all of it. I mean, what are the odds KE would do something like this and give US, the clowns, everything we’ve ever wanted?!? So I decided to make a separate post about the bus scene, because HELLO, this deserves a separate analysis/reaction. It just does, so here we go.

Last week I was really struggling to imagine how everything would play out, only because it seemed like a VERY random place for both of them to meet. A bus? Really? Let’s not forget the fact that they usually meet in episode 5 for the first time each season. It’s basically a tradition which has been set by previous showrunners. So not only have them meet EARLIER, but in a bus makes it so... UNEXPECTED! I had to think it through, because I know there’s pressure for each showrunner to keep things fresh and new and Suzanne did just that. Like she picked the LAST place Villanelle and Eve would meet and that’s soo surprising and shocking to us AND to Eve.

Villanelle just got the postcard for her next target in London, she travels there and next thing you know, she’s looking for a perfume. Now this is soo extra and sooo Villanelle and the fact that she’s looking to have a custom made perfume so she could meet Eve SENDS ME! 

How did Villanelle know Eve was taking buses, which one she was taking and at what time? Obviously, she stalked her AGAIN. Instead of doing her job, finding the target, she goes to London, probably spends few days there searching for Eve and preparing FIRST and only then after the intense row with Eve, THEN she goes after her target. Love comes first, job later. Gotta stan. And in the middle of that she has the nerve to say “I’m not here for you” sure, sweetie, whatever you say. 

Okay, so before I was thinking of HOW they would play it out. How their fight would be carried out and honestly after seeing it... that was exactly how and I can’t imagine now any other way they could’ve done it. Everything about the scene was just... chef’s kiss. Suzanne, Laura - sign me up for S4 already!

My jaw LITERALLY dropped when I saw Villanelle walking up to Eve in that bus, while swaying due to the movement and wearing that SMUG smile over her face... jesus, I need HELP! How dare she... and I don’t think due to all of the craziness and intensity Eve notice just how fucking hot Villanelle looked.. or maybe she did. 

The fact that Eve was texting Niko for the 100th time until she lifted her head up and spotted Villanelle and next thing you know she forgot everything about Niko and went to fight AND kiss the love of her life is just... VILLANEVE IS ENDGAME YOU GUYS!

Soo Villanelle did NOT expect Eve to attack her like this, because have you seen her OFFENDED hilarious face when Eve did?! I DIED several times, yet there’s something important that needs to be mentioned.. Villanelle didn’t hurt Eve. She didn’t punch back when Eve literally was hitting her with all her might going nuts. Villanelle knew full well Eve’s having an intense tantrum so she handled it like a pro and really, with minimum defence she only shoved Eve around a bit only to show WHO is in charge there. I mean... the way she grabbed Eve and started shoving her, or more like CARRYING her to the end of the bus while smirking/laughing at her only shows just how CONFIDETN she is about herself and that she was actually enjoying seeing this crazy side of Eve.

Also. THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE. I gotta say.. in this scene in particular it worked soo damn well! I mean, Eve being shorter and Villanelle EFFORTLESLY handling Eve as if she was some child who’s having a tantrum is SOMETHING ELSE! 

Now the power play... we all know Villanelle is a TOP, it’s a fact. Get over it. And like... the way she pushed Eve down on the seat and climbed on top of her only to tell her to SMELL HER which basically means “Admit I’m powerful” “Admit I’m the TOP here” is completely another level for me... because how can you NOT kiss her in that moment?! And she WAS powerful, she’s clearly physically stronger than Eve, BUT.. as soon as Eve kissed her all that power shifted back to Eve and just like that Villanelle gone SOFT™ for Eve.... It’s what I love. I love one powerful badass bitch right until her girlfriend touches/kisses her. 

Okay, so I’ve been seeing people say that Eve kissed Villanelle to have her let her guard down. Yes, it probably is the case, but I also think she couldn’t help it. They had several moments like these when they were face to face and sooo painfully close and neither of them did anything and like.. I think the tension was building up ever since and this time... she just went for it and this way admitted her feelings towards Villanelle. But at the same time by doing so she gained the power back from Villanelle and not only left her completely dumbstruck but gave that intense HEADBUTT as a wake up call for both of them and US. I mean... I still can’t believe it happened... it had to be a dream and it was going so well.. until Eve woke all of us up, including Villanelle, who obviously was too overwhelmed to stick around and decided to get off the bus ASAP.

I just gotta say... the way they handled the kiss was PERFECT! This is no ordinary romantic couple having their first kiss, okay... this is VILLANEVE, OUR VILLANEVE having their first kiss and it’s crazy.. it’s intense and above all... its SURPRISING AS HELL. To everybody... and that’s how intense and shocking that both Eve and VIllanelle are STARING at each other, completely taken back by what is happening... because neither of them really expected it and neither did we and it’s happening... they are kissing and they hardly can comprehend it.... while at the same time neither of them wanting to give in and let go of the CONTROL both of them crave... like... JESUS! I have a feeling we might get an actual, way more emotional kiss at the end of the season and I am not prepared... 

Now the soundtrack... Strange Effect by Unloved is perfect choice.. I mean ALL Unloved sounds are sooo unique and amazing but THIS... I haven’t heard this one before and I wouldn’t be surprised if they created this song for THIS exact scene... and I’m all about it. Truly. The lyrics described the scene AND both of their feelings sooo damn well and they didn’t even have to say a word. That’s how powerful songs can be when they are used PROPERLY in a show. Their minds....

I know, I said it plenty of times already but I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE IT HAPPENED. like... the twitter fanbase was LITERALLY betting money on whether or not they will kiss this episode and I was like... COME ON, it can’t happen. I’m not going to be this clown all over again.. I can’t and it can’t possibly happen because it’s way too soon?! We literally waited for over 2 years, almost 3 years for a kiss and for some reason it feels like it’s too soon? Because we are not used to seeing them meet this early in the season and I’m like... I’m in utter shock and no matter how many thousands of times I watch the scene and the kiss... a part of me refuses to believe it’s real because... it’s too good to be true and they actually did it and... if it wasn’t canon before, Villaneve IS now. And only thinking about this... makes me want to cry. We got everything we’ve been waiting for... and it was only their FIRST kiss... yeah, I’m not going to survive this.

The post-bus scene and Eve watching Villanelle watch HER drive off is such an amazing way to conclude the scene... Vilanelle’s hopeful expression which is filled with wonder and then excitement as she can’t help but smile remembering what just happened is just... she is truly in love and NO ONE can deny it. I mean at this point just like Suzanne said... Villanelle will only want Eve MORE and I. AM. HERE. FOR. IT. Also Eve’s reaction... she might not be smiling right now, but she’s realizing what she did and that it’s too late to go back and she doesn’t really want to think/talk about it since it’s TOO MUCH (same Eve, same) but as soon as she gets back home and finds Villanelle’s bear with the recording... she finally GIVES IN and admits that yes, she WANTS Villanelle to be there. And let’s admit it... we know perfectly well just how the episode ended.. with Eve listening to Villanelle’s voice over and over again... closing her eyes and the rest is up to your imagination....

So overall... this scene made the entire episode soo much greater and other than that, we got PLENTY of Villanelle’s outfits, AT LEAST 7 this episode alone and I cannot handle it. Not only that.. we also got Villanelle and baby scene and her scaring Konstantin to death and their silly conversation which turned out to be a lot more complicated and serious than Villaenlle originally intended it to be. But more about all of it later in my upcoming review! 

[nastasyafilippovnas]

Book of nile + #5 + #36 :)

okay sooo...(1) sorry it took me this long and (2) this prompt reminded me of your last fic, so i had to really think through to make something completely different, lol.

book of nile + 5. bar/restaurant AU, 36. text/letter fic

So, I'm thinking AU where Booker own a bar, which may have been a front for his forgery business/illegal activities. At one point he did have a wife and kids, but now it's just him and the bar no one comes to (unless they're looking for fake passports) and he spends most days drinking instead of serving alcohol. Cue Nile who just got discharged from the US Marines and is not ready to go home yet. She is walking aimless around the city when rain starts pouring and she walks into the first place she sees with an open sign. 

The bartender pays her no mind and she sits on one of the stalls in front of the bar. After a while (it might've been fifteen minutes, half an hour, she isn't sure), he comes around pours her a glass of whiskey. When she starts protesting she didn't order anything, he says it looks like she could use it. Nile sighs before drinking the whole thing at once. And, for some reason, she admits to that she has been trying to figure out how to tell her family she isn't coming home. "It has always been the three of us", she says, "They wouldn't understand me wanting space. They would try to help."

 He nods, as if knows what is like to having people trying to help and not wanting it. "Well, you need to be honest. You don't want them kicking down your door because you haven't talked to them in a week?" "Why do I have a feeling this is exactly what happened to you?" She says and Booker smiles, but doesn't answer her. Instead, he reaches down the bar and puts a pile of paper in front of her. "What is this?" "Paper." At her non-amused look, he adds, "Maybe...I don't know. You could write to them. Sometimes it's easier to put things into paper then tell face to face."

"A letter?" Nile asks. "You want me to write a letter? That's...old-fashioned." Booker shrugs and just says, "I'm old-fashioned kind of guy." He pours her another drink. "It seems like you're stuck. No harm in trying a different approach."

She takes a sip, savoring it this time and noticing he has been pouring her the quality stuff even though it's on the house. There really is no harm in trying, so she starts writing.

Other costumers come in, but they don't linger much. Mostly it's just her and Booker, musing their drinks in silence (she noticed every time he pours her one, he pours one for himself too). She goes through many drafts and he watches amused the pile of rejected papers next to her. At some point the rain stopped pouring and she notices it's dark outside when she finally has what she thinks it's the perfect letter. She hands it to him.

"I couldn't..." He tries to protest, but Nile doesn't hear him. "You helped me write it, it's only fair you get to read it too." He nods and takes the paper. His face doesn't betray anything like he reads, but Nile sees his hands shake at one point.

"I'm sorry." He says once he is finished and instead of acknowledging, all she says is, "I don't want to go to some hotel." He doesn't ask her to clarify, to admit she doesn't want to be alone. He merely turns the sign of the bar to closed and takes her hand, leading her through a stair in the back to the apartment he keeps upstairs.

Nile leaves he next morning before Booker wakes up. She has to post the letter to her family and her own journey to get around too. She starts with a road trip around the US, then quickly goes down to Mexico and the Caribbean. On impulse, she buys a very expensive ticket across the Atlantic. It's half running, half seeing the world, but who can fault her need to experience something different after all the bloodshed she has seen? 

Sometimes she thinks of the bartender who helped write the letter to her family. They didn't exchange phone numbers, but he said he was old fashioned so...She send him postcards of the places she has been. The first one just says, "thanks for the help. Nile." but slowly they become longer with confessions she can't share with her family. It's not like Booker will reply anyways. Even if he wanted to, she never puts the return address. Until one day - it's after she sees the blue of the Caribbean sea and it reminds her of his eyes - she gets bold enough to write down her number in the back of the card.

Two weeks later, she is - very fittingly - in France when Booker calls her.

send me two tropes from this list and i'll describe how i'd combine them in the same story

[haruine]

DAY6 GRAVITY in JAKARTA // 30.11.2019

OH. MY. GOSH.

Best concert ever. Period.

I just wanted to share with you guys about my experience going to GRAVITYinJKT, it was truly amazing that I still suffer from my PCD until now. It’s not that severe but believe me, whenever I heard Best Part playing accidentally on my playlist I would go sksdkddjs and try hard not to scream lmao.

So, first of all, I will tell you the background story of why I chose to attend their concert. Well, it was because I’m very curious how cool is their live performance. I watched a lot of YT videos about them and read many MyDay (and non-MyDay)’s comments about seeing their live performance. At the same time, I have just joined the fandom and falling in love with their songs day-by-day. I’m still a 5-months old baby MyDay now hehe.

When I saw their tour announcement on Twitter, at first I was like ‘oh wow they’ll go on their 2nd world tour’ but then idek why I was willing to go and watch them. Really, my decision was out of the blue. Then I introduced DAY6 to one of my close friends by watching their videos on her YT lol. Initially, she said that the songs are good and catchy, but some days later she texted me that she watched DAY6′s MVs, her bias is YoungK, and she even listened to their songs regularly. I was surprised, and even more shooketh when she finally said “you said that you wanna go to their concert, right? let’s go to their concert, shall we?”

The night before departure to JKT

On Thursday night (November 28th), I read on Twitter that the boys had arrived at Jakarta. My heart was beating so fast, remembering that tomorrow I will go to Jakarta and on Saturday I’ll see them.

Departure to JKT

After the whole stressing weeks (yes November was that month), on November 29th me and my friend flew to Jakarta by plane. My friends who knew that I’ll watch DAY6 said have fun and gave their warmest greetings to DAY6. Around 5 pm, we reached Jakarta and head off to our hotel.

D-DAY GRAVITYinJKT

We woke up at 6.30 am (if I’m not mistaken lol), respectively took a shower, applied make-ups and did our hair nicely even though no one would look at us haha. Afterward, we checked our belongings and went to the venue to get our wristbands. At the venue, we finally met our senior from college and she introduced another senior from my college that just graduated. We greet each other and stick together until we got our wristbands and went to get lunch at the nearest mall.

Around 2.45 pm, the three of us got back from the mall and entered the gate to take our queue number. Why only three of us that went back? Bcs the other one was from the yellow section, and at the mall, we met our junior from college that also watch DAY6 in the yellow section. With that, she decided to went back with my junior when the gate is opened for their section. (the three of us were from the blue b section)

After we got our queue number, we queued for the photo spot and made friends with 3 MyDays. They were chill and fun to talk to, and our queue numbers were in sequence. By that, we decided to always stick together until the end of the concert and didn’t forget to follow each other’s social media accounts. While waiting, it was raining so hard. Until finally my section got to enter the venue first, and I was really excited.

6 of us stood in front of the extended stage and we were standing beside each other. When the time strikes 6.57, the opening VCR played and every MyDay screamed. The moving screen opened and there stood five men, holding their own instruments, that I’ve been waiting to see for 3 months. Best Part opened the concert, and I couldn’t do anything besides screaming, literally. I love the song.

I jumped freely and sang their songs on top of my lungs like I have nothing to worry about. I remembered Jae saying that we should take our stress off our life first when we attend their concert to enjoy the whole event, so I kept that in mind throughout the concert.

Until when it came to them performing on extended stage, I couldn’t stop saying ‘oh gosh’ when they walked towards it. And what made me even happier was, 

Jae noticed me.

Yes.

Park Jae-hyung from DAY6 noticed me.

However, I forgot to record it bcs it was so sudden :”””). Jae was squatting in the extended stage to greet MyDays, and when his eyes were locked with mine, I immediately waved my right hand at him and said ‘Jae, hi!’ while smiling so wide. Jae smiled back and waved his hands at me, I still remember him mouthing ‘hi hello’ and I couldn’t stop smiling. After he mouthed ‘hi hello’ and waved at me, he waved at other MyDays.

It was beyond my expectations that DAY6 is so kind to MyDays and their performance was sooo amazing to witness. I cried when YoungK said this on his ment,

“Honestly, with that much energy, I think you -- each one of you -- will be able to achieve whatever you want. Whatever you want in life.”

Literally, I choked up and couldn’t hold my tears. Remembering that before I came to see them, they’re my motivation to do well in college, until now they still are. Then he told us to made a pinky promise with him, he said:

“Even though I said this a lot, please promise me to always be happy and stay healthy until we meet again.”

Anddd my tears were back again when Sungjin said this on his ment,

“I trust you guys, so you guys trust yourself. Bahagia dan sehat selalu, ya.” (= always be happy and healthy, okay.)

I truly felt the sincerity in their ments, but mostly YoungK and Sungjin’s that hit my heart the hardest. What made me happier was when Wonpil suggested MyDay to sing, he said that he got two songs in mind but he forgot the lyrics so he played the notes. Guess what? He played When You Love Someone first, and the second is I Smile. YoungK asked MyDays what song that we wanted to sing first. 

Since I Smile is my most favorite, I energetically waved 2 fingers and saw that other MyDays were waving their 2 fingers too. YoungK said "I see a lot of peace signs *chuckling* okay then, number 2 it is!" so Wonpil started the song immediately. After singing I Smile, he played When You Love Someone. My friend aww-ed, bcs that is her favorite song.

Even Wonpil tricked MyDays with singing JYP’s You’re The One, but we still sang it anyway. Then after he said he was joking, he started out I’m Serious. MyDays singing it with him. At the beginning, they were saying let’s make tonight a festival, and it was really a festival.

If I describe how they are when seen in person... Jae, he was lanky and he has that cute baby face, Sungjin looked handsome + dashing and he’s funny omg, YoungK is what Indonesian MyDays called gembul, which means chubby in a cute way, and his smile is so captivating!

Wonpil is indeed looked like a prince, he’s that soft and uwu, and his solo stage is my #1 among the 5 solo stages. Dowoon? He! Babie! He’s so adorable I can’t, when he sang on Wanna Go Back and Get Lucky I can’t stop squealing over his voice like for real. When he talked also screams uwu, I laughed when he fist-bumped YoungK and said “come on, come on, hit the beat” >.<

After the concert, the promotor prepared freebies for us, that is, a DAY6 postcard. I got YoungK originally, then my friend found a MyDay who willed to exchange her Dowoon postcard for my YoungK postcard. (...you know who my heart belongs to guys hahaha)

I had a lot of fun at the concert. Even though I cried when I saw on the D2 of the concert the boys went down from the stage (yeah I’m such a crybaby bcs of that lol), I still feel grateful and happy bcs I went to see them. 

Sometimes it’s true, experience is a lot more worthy than anything else. If you miss a valuable opportunity (when in fact you can achieve it), the next opportunity may be different from what you expect. We can’t predict what will happen in our future, right?

If you guys were asking me, did you ever feel any regret about choosing to go to DAY6′s concert? The answer is: no, absolutely not. I’m proud that I can afford myself a ticket and accommodation with my own savings. Also, I’m sooo glad that I joined the MyDay fandom, this fandom is literally filled with kind people and they’re fun to be with.

And if you guys were also asking me, will you attend their next concert? The answer is: yes, certainly, without a doubt.

[eclipticcal]

postcards - part 1 (ch)

a/n: hey loves sooo this is gonna be part one to my first series !!! this is based off the song postcard by troye sivan - hope you all enjoy <3

warnings: swearing & slight smut ??? mostly just angsty cal and y/n

requested: no, but requests are open !!

prompt: in which calum sends you an abundance of postcards from each of his tour stops, but you can’t bring yourself to respond after past actions that can’t be made up for

————————

this morning i received yet another postcard from calum. i had gotten one from every tour stop so far. this one was from tokyo. i read over calums messy, yet legible handwriting that once again stated that he loved me and missed me, but i couldn’t reciprocate those feelings anymore.

every single time i got another postcard from another foreign place, i thought of the feelings that i’d hoped to have forgotten by now. the cards always read the same:

dear y/n,

i love you and i miss you so fucking much. i know you read these. please respond

love, cal

those last two words always got me. “love, cal”. he couldn’t love me. not after what he did that night.

and i never know how to handle them. no matter how many letters i receive, i still can’t bring myself to respond to them. but at the same time, every time i hold one in my hand and read over the words again and again my heart starts to race and butterflies form in my stomach and i remember what it’s like to be with calum. and that’s where the pain starts. because calum was my everything, and now i can’t even bear to hear his name without getting an uneasy feeling in my stomach all because of some drunken mistake that i’ve chosen not to forgive.

*flashback*

i walked into the house party that andy decided to host in celebration for the first show of tour being complete.

it was supposed to be a surprise that i was here. i had wanted to congratulate calum on his new tour that had been off to a great start, and what better than to surprise him on tour.

as i entered through the two grand, white doors, i was greeted with the scent of hard liquor, which was to be expected. my eyes scanned the crowd, littered with couples grinding up against each other, the place where i hoped to end up with cal.

that’s when my eyes landed on ashton, leaning against a wall, red solo cup in hand, with his shirt half unbuttoned. as i walked towards him i started to feel increasingly uncomfortable with my surroundings. the loud music pounded against my ear drums, barely allowing myself any space to think. as i approached him, his eyes caught mine and a smile flashed on his face as he closed the distance between us with a hug, making me slightly more comfortable due to the familiarity of his scent.

“hey y/n, how’ve you been?” ashton giggled as the words spilled out of his mouth. it was apparent that he was very drunk, as he stumbled away from the hug, as was everyone around us.

“i’m good ash, do you know where cal is?” i asked, uncertain he’d be able to form a coherent answer due to his current state. but i was proven wrong as ashton lazily pointed his finger towards the sliding glass doors at the back of the room.

“he just went outside with a few people for a smoke” ashton shouted over the music, his smile slightly fading as he turned himself towards the table filled with cups and drinks next to him. he poured some indistinguishable alcohol into the cup, handing it to me, “but before you go, take this”

i took the cup from his hand and took a small sip before setting off towards the backdoors, it was vodka. i hated vodka. before i reached the back door, i set the cup down on the nearest table, wanting to rid myself of the substance immediately.

as i slid open the glass doors, i was met with the cool, fresh air hitting my face. i had only been in the house for a few minutes but i found myself enjoying the much needed break from the scent of alcohol. i stepped onto the wooden porch and scanned the back for calum. and that’s when i saw him, grasping another girls waist to bring it close to his own. i watched as his lips grazed hers, the taste of alcohol dancing on their lips. his lips moved from hers down to her neck, as she let out a soft moan, letting her head fall back and her hands slide down his chest. a wave of jealousy came over my body, that should be me. my skin turned pale and suddenly, i couldn’t see straight. my dizziness brought me to my hands and knees as i crawled to the side of the patio to try and regain my composure. all i could think is that should be me.

a man standing near calum took in my appearance and became familiar with my state of panic before yelling over to me, “hey are you okay?” causing everyone in the area to look up from their activities and towards me — including calum.

he paused his rendezvous with the mystery girl and looked up, revealing numerous bruises covering his neck. when his eyes met mine, his entire demeanor took a turn. his hands left the girls waist as he moved her hands to push her off of himself. he went into panic. whenever he was panicking he would make frantic movements, and that’s exactly what he was doing. his hands flew up to his hair to run his fingers through it nervously. even in his drunken state, he’d known he fucked up.

he stumbled towards me, and as his hands landed in mine to help me sit up, his eyes met my teary ones. he opened his mouth as if to talk but closed it again. he collected his thoughts before saying the five fatal words you were expecting to fall from his mouth, “it’s not what you think.”

and then i got up, and without saying a word i turned towards the half open sliding glass doors. i knew once i went through those doors it was all over. no matter how much i wanted to let him explain himself i know it would just hurt more. so without turning back, i walked through the doors. and it was over.

*end flashback*

the memories of the night flooded over me as i prepared myself for a decision that would change it all.

“you okay?” i heard from behind me as i turned around to be greeted by my roommate, addie.

“yeah” i dryly responded as i explained to her that i’d received another postcard. she understood the pain i’d been enduring since she’d been there for time the entire time i was dealing with this situation.

“why don’t you just text him,” she offered, “at this point i don’t think he’s gonna stop if you keep ignoring him. i mean he’s kept going for almost 20 shows.”

“i know, i just don’t want to fall back in love with him and have to deal with the pain all over again,” i lowly muttered.

“i think you should try. just tell him you want him to stop and you want to move on,” she suggested.

“but i don’t want to move on. something has me stuck on him,” i retorted.

addie searched my eyes for any sense of anger towards him, but she found none. all she saw was a broken girl looking for answers, “then tell him that.”

and with that she gave me a pat on the back and returned to her activities. i thought about her advice and decided that maybe i should let him explain himself. so i sat down with my phone and clicked on his contact. all of my old text messages with him resurfaced, reminding me of how much i really did miss him. so i started typing.

y/n: hey cal, i know it’s been awhile since we’ve talked but i’ve been getting your postcards and i think we should talk. call me when you can.

i put my phone back into my pocket and opened my laptop as i started to type a report for one of my college courses. my phone was burning a hole in my pocket, and as every minute passed, i would periodically check my phone for a response. thirty minutes had passed before i had finally received what i’d been waiting for.

calum: hey love

love. he always used to call me love. it made my heart melt every time he said it and it still does. why does he have this effect on me? a second text.

calum: i’ll call you in a few

now i was freaking out. it’d been months since i’d heard his voice, since we’d talked, and i didn’t know how to prepare myself. my phone started vibrating, as i looked down at the called id and saw a familiar picture of calum and i kissing pop up, the butterflies rushed to my stomach. i never changed the picture. after a few rings i hesitantly picked up, “hello?”

“hey love,” calum breathed out. love. there it was again.

“calum-“ i had just barely started my sentence, but he knew me too well to know i’d start rambling if he didn’t stop me while i was ahead.

“i know i have a lot of explaining to do, but listen. the asian wing of tour ends tomorrow and i’m flying back to la the next day and we have a few days off. i’d much rather speak to you in person. i’m so sorry i did this to you, but i need to explain this face to face, please.” i could hear the desperation in his voice. i knew all he wanted was a chance to explain himself these past few months and this was his one chance. i can’t believe i’m giving in to him.

“okay. i guess that’s fine, but calum you really fucked me up. i cant believe i’m giving you a second chance right now, please don’t fuck it up again.” i begged him. i couldn’t help but feel the need to hold his hand in mine.

“i promise i won’t, y/n. i’ve hurt you enough. i’ll meet you at the cafe on the corner by my house on monday. i’ll text you when i’m going. is that okay?” he was being so soft with me. i could tell that he knew he messed up, but he sounded so sincere with his words that i didn’t know what to believe.

i took a deep breath and reluctantly agreed, “okay,”

“okay,” he responded as he let out a shaky breath, and i could hear the smile on his face as he repeated, “okay”

—————————

a/n: soooo that was part 1 !! ik it’s probably really poorly edited cuz i did it all myself but i hope you enjoyed reading !! feel free to request suggestions for where u want this story to go - ily all & thank u sm for reading

[ainitsuite-agape]

Yuri on Museum, Chacott and Onsen on Ice @ OSAKA - part 3

PART 1 - Yuri on Museum

PART 2 - Chacott shop

The last stop of our Otayuri meeting journey was at Minoh/Osaka for the Onsen on Ice, and let me tell you that it was THE BEST PART!! <3 

The Onsen complex is HUGE and is set up over different floors. It's not only the baths, it has so many different activities available!! A movie theater, a ping pong area and of course places where you can chill, have lunch, dinner, and - I didn’t have time to check it - but it even has a manga room! <3

Anyway, we’re here for the YOI stuff so.....

OEDO ONSEN MONOGATARI MINOH ~ 1-1 Onsencho, Minoh, Osaka Prefecture 562-0006, Japan

After the entrance, a lovely red corridor welcomes you with the sight of all our beloved skaters hanging from the ceiling! All the characters paired by ship :P (no JJ/Leo is not a ship - you can see in the first image JJ is paired with Seung-Gil :P I paired them in the pic because I’m into the club19 JJLeoBek brofriendship <3)

You collect a numbered bracelet at the entrance. You have to keep with you for all the duration of your staying at the Onsen. Using it will be the only way you can purchase things: From buying lunch to YOI merch, you just have to swipe the bracelet on a reader and everything will be added on your account. You’ll pay everything at the exit ( = a clever idea to make you loose count of how much you will spend XD).

You can leave your wallet and your belongings in the locker room (and add another numbered bracelet on your wrist) and...you’ll have to change into a yukata! <3  

They comes in different sizes and colors depending on your height and they are all lovely! Sadly no black yukatas (as Yuri and Otabek’s ones) BUT the ones available were super cool nevertherelss. <3 

We decided to have lunch first and our favourite skaters were waiting for us in there!! <3 <3 

After squealing for a while and forcing our impulse to bring them home with us, we actually sat down to have lunch. Otabear was with us <3

And he was not alone! Our Japanese companions kept taking out YOI merch from their bags and quickly the table was full of Otayuri goodness!! <3 <3 <3 our hearts were overwhelmed! <3 <3 I mean look at them! <3 <3 

I ordered a kitsune udon as I didn’t noticed they had YOI-themed menus (but they were not serving katsudon ;__;) BUT I took a ramune to drink, to match what Yuri is drinking in his onsen illustration :P

The YOI menus came with free postcards and - as happened before - we were spoiled by the Japanese’s kindness! The other girls who took the menu gave them to me and @urielsgate ;_____; <3 <3 

After lunch we ventured in the corridor where you can leave a post-it message to your favourite skater <3

I seriously wanted to take pics of EVERY CUTE MESSAGE, but I just leave you some GEMS!

CANADIAN FLAG MAN SHOUTING JJ WAS THE LITERAL BEST ! ! ! XD XD XD 

Someone even wrote a message in Russian near Otabek and of course it says “Are you going to be my friend or not?”  * melting * (thank you @starkysnarks for the translation)

I left my little message too . . . 

Also me and @urielsgate laughed a lot for the message near Michele: “Una bella pizza per favore!” XD it was sooo cute! (no Italian would ask so politely for a pizza XD but if you’re wondering what is says: “A really nice pizza please!”) 

We decided to add a message from our beloved Michele to all the visitors: STATEVE ACCUORT! XD (which means be careful / beware in Naples’ dialect, but I’m not sure we wrote it right since it’s not really our dialect :P but you got the flavour!) 

We then moved on the top floor where the YOI merch shop is located, just after the ping pong area, and let me tell you, it was a huge room full of ping pong tables were lots of people where playing in yukata <3 

My mind was too focused on the YOI shop to remember to take a picture, BUT now I understand completely why they put THIS IMAGE in last year’s YOI official calendar as I saw similar scenes with my own eyes!! <3 <3 <3 

And look who was greeting us at the shop!! <3 <3 YAKOV AND GRANDPA KOLYA!!

There were a lot of goodies in the shop and we seriously wanted to buy everything but, when you’re on a budget, you need to behave so at least I took many pictures :P

There were also some games you could play to win some merch!! 

One of them was a moving platform where you had to throw a ring over the skaters circling around Victor’s matrioska as if they were skating! <3 <3 

Another game we played was collecting all the characters’ stamps from some stalls placed all around the Onsen! <3

You could collect either the blue stamps or the red stamps, and of course all the ships were split in the two colours, so you needed to play it twice, once collecting all the blue and once the reds, if you wanted to have all the stamps!!

Anyway once you have all the stamps of the same color in the book can go back to the YOI merch shop to collect your gift: 

The envelope had a black mask inside, like the one Phichit and Yuri uses at some point during the show! <3

After an ice cream break, we decided to try the baths!! <3

As Yuuri says in the show, no pictures are allowed inside the Onsen (for obvious reasons) so I’m going to rely on the pics from the Onsen’s website to give you a glimpse of the bathtubs we tried <3 <3 

It’s an experience I highly recommend you to try if you ever visit Japan. Surely you will not regret it! <3

Of course no swimsuits are allowed, they will provide you with just a tiny towel to cover yourself while you reach the baths and that you can put on your head (or on the side of the bathtub) while you enjoy the hot water!! <3

Of course I tried balancing it on my head, but as soon as I moved a bit inside the bath, it dropped in the hot water XD XD 

The perfect ending for a perfect day at the Onsen is eating katsudon! 

We found a place near Osaka’s train station so we could finally triy it and...VKUSNO!! <3 <3 

It was sooo goood!!! Victor, Yuuri....I totally understand you now!! <3 <3 (I’m still drooling looking at the picture!)

And....that’s it for the OTAYURI MEETING <3

I’m so glad and so grateful to @mitty3000 and all the other lovely Japanese girls who joined us in this amazing day! It’s so cool that a show like Yuri on Ice brought us together <3 <3 

LONG LIVES YURI ON ICE AND LONG LIVES OTAYURI!! <3 <3 

[luvdsc]

hi ms cat!! happy new year!! i hope you spent your day with friends and family 🥰 the last ask i sent was a while ago, but about the postcards in my album: they have the song lyrics on them, which is why they also used them as postcards, which i found cool :) i hope you enjoyed the smtown concert!! i saw taeyeon perform for the first time and she's so good!! i can see why you stan her now 😌 all the stages were so cool - i'm so happy wayv did take off even tho it was very random 🥴 - 🪐 (1/?)

🪐 (2/2) and i was so happy to watch rv's stages!! i'm not a reveluv but i was just happy to see wendy back on her feet and performing with her members 🥰 i also have newfound respect for suju they're so cool 😳 not to mention,, ten , xiaojun and yangyang were amazing in their solo stages!! and this is random but: my new year's resolution is to do a cover of ateez's answer!! it's a small challenge for myself :) do you have any new year's resolutions? have a good day 🥰

✿ ✿ ✿

hello, honey bee!!! 💕  happy new year! 🥳🥳✨ i had a wonderful time celebrating with my family, and i hope you got to celebrate with your loved ones as well 💘 and omg yeah, i agree, that’s super cool :o the postcards sound so so pretty!!! 🌸 and i did!!!!! aaaa taeyeon is an absolute goddess, and i was over the moon to see her perform live akhsdfkljahsdf she never fails to amaze me, and i keep rewatching her performance on yt over and over again now 🤧💗  YES i’m so glad you got to see her sing for the first time!! and omg i was sooo excited to see take off, lovebug!!!! 🤩 wayv did amazing and winwin looked so pretty and the whole performance was just chef’s kiss aaaaa i’m gonna go rewatch it again now 💟

and yessss oh my gosh, i missed seeing red velvet so much 😭💖 i was sooo happy to see them perform psycho, like it’s been over a year, and same!! i’m relieved and glad to see that wendy has recovered 💞  suju really has been performing for so long, and they’re almost 40 but they can still dance like that 😦  meanwhile, my back hurts if i sleep in the wrong position rip and YES oh my goodness, their solo stages were amazing, and i’m so so happy they were able to perform those!!!! i didn’t think we’d be able to see them do those songs live, but i’m sooo thankful that we did :’) and omg i’ve never heard any of ateez’s songs before, but i’m positive you’re gonna ace it, honey bee!!! good luck with your cover 🍀🍀 my new year’s resolution is to reach at least $75k in my savings account and $20k in my roth IRA aslkdfha it’s all boring adult stuff 🤧 and thank you so much, sweetpea, i hope you have a wonderful day/night and your week is off to a positive start! 🌷🌷

[28allthelove28]

Pink Dolphin - Fionn Whitehead Fan Fiction (13500 words)

Everything is red. The sun looks bigger than it normally does, and it always sets the sky on fire. Dark shadows swim into unknown corners and the ocean is always pink, but Fionn can’t go home. Not until the plan falls into place. Fionn is not leaving this surreal pink film set until he’s honest with Alana, the mysterious artist girl with pale skin and hair like a flame. And Harry is there to make sure neither of his friends waste any more time pretending they aren’t in love.

13000+ words of pining, pet names, conceptual art and true friendship. Meet Me In The Hallway, a big plot twist, some long smut scenes*, and a love of nature. Harry is married to Louis, he’s acting with Fionn in an art film that his best friend Alana wrote and throughout the nervous giggles, there is a happy ending for everyone.

I put a stupid amount of time and effort into writing this so I no longer have any idea if it’s wonderful or terrible, and I’m pretty embarrassed about it, but please, please do read (It definitely gets sooo much better as it goes, I think Chapter 2 is my favourite)  This will hopefully be on Archive of our Own soon! 

Also, a WARNING to any of my friends reading this, parts of this are pretty explicit, sorry!!! Xx

 PINK DOLPHIN

 “She’s ridiculous!”

The words hiss from Fionns mouth before he realises he’s let them out. His eyes squint, following the droplets of water travelling down Alana’s body, as if her white skin is too bright for him. Her arms hang around Polly’s waist, their fingers linked loosely. They look like a renaissance mother and child.  

“She doesn’t like LA, you know?” A deep voice speaks and startles Fionn. He blinks himself back into consciousness and looks down to the left of him. Harry peers up at him with a smug smile, he looks more playful than normal. He knows.

“She doesn’t really like LA.” Harry repeats, following Fionn’s line of vision to the girl sitting across from them. The two boys are lying together lazily by the side of the outdoor pool, warm evening air sitting heavily above them, and the orange sun falling into the sea. Harry’s been anticipating this conversation for a while. A long while.

“No?” Fionn leans back. The weird pink cocktails reveal the interest in his face a lot more than he may allow if he were slightly more sober. Harry sits up, wrapping a sheer floral blouse round the butterfly tattooed on his chest. He’s prepared for this, and the time is now.

“Alana’s been here for months, Fionn, even before starting this weird film project with us. Yeah, she got that studio deal here, and she made good friends through work …she’s been preparing for this film a lot, she’s been writing and drawing as usual, but she can do all of that stuff at home just as easily. The weather is much nicer here, for sure. She likes the landscape and the wildlife but nobody, nobody loves Newcastle as much as Alana.”

Fionn accepts that this speech is going somewhere.

“Her mum’s there, up north. Her closest friends are there. And it’s not just that, Fi, if she’s not been here then she’s been in London. And the exact same goes for there too. She likes it of course, she’s always got plenty to do, but it’s just not her home.” Harry says. “And this has been going on for over a year.”

Harry looks at his friend and realises he still needs to be more obvious. “Alana is only in LA or London when you are in LA or London.”

Fionn pushes air from his nose in an almost violent sigh. He knew something was coming. Something was going to happen on this film set. Something beyond his control. Something more real than he could ignore. Not that he was even sure he wanted to ignore it anymore.

He lays further back on the strange pink sun lounger he’s melted himself onto, and he cradles his head theatrically. He absolutely knew it.

There was something about the light in Alana’s eyes which shone brighter when looking into his. There was something about the way sun fell on her red hair which made it glow golden, like leaves in autumn, like a colour Fionn had never seen before, and can now only associate with her. There was something about the way her presence in a room made itself known to Fionn before he even reached the doorway. There was a tenderness in Alana’s voice that sounded more intimate when she spoke to him. As if every word were plucked from a letter she’d written that no one else were allowed to read, and that, honestly, Fionn didn’t want anyone else to read.

Of course he knew it.

He was just terrified to admit it.

Harry’s hand gently holds Fionn’s knee. He can feel Harry’s silver rings cold against his skin. “I know her Fionn. She’s my best friend, and has been for years.” He gives Fionn’s knee a little squeeze. “I know how she loves.”

Harry slides his thumb over Fionn’s skin once more then takes his hand away. “Alana’s more vulnerable and shy than you’d think, but when she’s certain on something, she’s certain.” He continues. “She’s busy, her mind never stops, not for a second. She’s so impatient. But here she is, a year after meeting you… still there. Right fucking, there!” Harry nods his head to the other side of the pool for more affect, his brown hair swishing into his eyes, and Fionn allows himself to see her.

His green eyes lift to gaze through the glasses pushed up on his nose. He sees her bright floral dress hanging loose, hair clipped into a curl behind her ear, and a camera in her hands. Alana films her friends watching the peacock butterflies fly around lilac buddleia flowers with a smile on her face. Always a smile on her face.

“I don’t want her waiting forever Fionn, and I don’t think you do either.”

Fionn meets Harry’s eyes and smiles. Bless him. Bless him for doing this. He doesn’t deserve someone like Harry, or someone like Alana. “She’s so nice to everyone, Harry. I love the way that her eyebrows curve into the top of her nose. I love how she always asks questions, and how she’s always excited by everything… as if it’s all new. I’m just… fuck. I’m just a bit scared.” Fionn confesses. “Quite a lot scared.”

“That’s ok, Fionn. So is she. She’s terrified! And it is scary.” Harry says this calmly with all the wisdom of an old woman, but there is a glint of excitement in his eye. He loves drama. But Harry knows exactly what he’s talking about. “You don’t think I was scared when I told Louis how I felt about him when I was just 16? But look now, almost 8 years later, we’re married and he basically re-proposes to me again every month.”

The two of them laugh and Fionn realises he might be being over dramatic. Fionn is far from unlovable, he isn’t hopeless, and he isn’t even sure why or when he started to think he might have been. He isn’t too busy. Maybe he isn’t even too shy. He’s actually completely fine, and he does deserve this. He does want this. A lot.

Alana isn’t some ethereal princess or the most beautiful person in the world. She’s quite odd. Her face is both angular and soft at the same time. Pale but often with blushing cheeks. Thick eyebrows and thin hair. A bit funny looking if you really think about it, but just lovely. Pretty in the way which art is pretty. But she’s just another human. An incredibly lovely one, yes, but another human nonetheless, and Fionn is going to be honest with her, in whichever way he has to be.

“Thank you, Harry. Thank you so much for everything. You’re an absolute sweetheart and I’m very grateful for you.” Fionn grins and squeezes Harry’s chin, pressing into his dimples.

“Anytime, Finley, you handsome and wonderful man!” He grins back. “Count yourself lucky that I’m letting you both go, but I’ll be keeping watch.” He warns. “You two will be wonderful. Please just go for it, love.”

----------------------

The film set they’re all working on is odd, of course it is though. The whole project is bizarre, but in the most excellent way. The buzz transcends the cast and crew, it seems that everyone is excited about this movie. Alana and her friend Polly had the idea. They shared a studio together in Newcastle and Alana had performed in several of Polly’s videos before. They describe this project as a film which isn’t so much a film, but more so a film about the idea of a film. And this idea for the film is discussed and questioned by the cast as it morphs and grows, but all in a poetic and romantic way. The owner of the idea narrates the film and explains which aspects are clear and which are undecided. The focus is on the atmosphere and the visuals more than the structure. A feeling more than a story.

Everyone involved received a pink envelope with a hand written letter inside, inviting them to collaborate in whichever way they wanted. The film is essentially an art piece and the actors are essentially performers. The package also included postcards of paintings which inspired the set, mainly David Hockney’s brightly coloured swimming pools, as well as notes and sketches from Alana and Polly themselves, referencing the ideas which fuelled their project, and offering some quotes from the narration.

“Maybe sharing your thoughts is more revealing than sharing the work which the thoughts made. ….One loose, unresolved, foetal, dreamlike thought can inspire concrete ideas, or maybe just an idea can be enough in itself.”

“Art allows you to somehow make real the thoughts which would otherwise only exist as imagination.”

Initially Fionn found it a little hard to follow. Very arty. Maybe even a bit ‘Inception’. But there was something new about it, something honest and very compelling. Harry was all over it of course, and Fionn always likes a challenge. He’d started off in the theatre, doing plays about social media and queer rights. He did a TV show about a troubled boy with telekinetic abilities and then a film about a young war soldier trying to get home. That’s how he’d met Harry, through whom he’d then met Alana.

After months of them purposefully and in-purposefully bumping into each other in London and ultimately becoming somewhat close friends, neither Fionn nor Alana fully entered or fully left the other’s lives.

They both intend to fix that now.

------------------------

There is a definite colour scheme to the film set. Very warm and soft, but also quite sinister. All the furniture is clothed in fluffy fabrics of a deep orange, there is hot pink neon tube lighting drawing a continuous line over every corner, it’s always dark inside and most of the walls are painted in a glossy black or rich red. The sun looks bigger than it normally does and it always sets the sky on fire, black and red butterflies dance around the lush shrubs and the yellow flowers which are planted everywhere. The outdoor pool is made of shimmery bright pink tiles and seems to be the epicentre, when filming or not.

Fionn stretches his arms out and floats on his back, the water laps against his sides and briefly puddles in the dip of his chest, then runs down his body and back into the pool. He drops his head back so his dark hair soaks neatly away from his face and flicks out behind his ears.

“Harry said you don’t like LA?” Fionn questions Alana and playfully splashes a tiny bit of water over her lap. She is perched on the edge of the pool steps, her legs reaching into soft ripples as she twists them in the water, toes painted with a warm peach colour.

“I do.” She smiles, tucking her legs back up and rolling the hem of her striped trousers back down. “Just not as much as home.”

Fionn leaves the water to re-dress into a checked shirt and jeans. He sits by her side and looks at her. “Why have you spent so much time here then? Apart from the film, I mean…”

Alana thoughtfully scans over the water, the sunset is sinking into it and making everything a deeper pink. “The people.” She answers, her eyes smiling cheekily into his.

Surely that wasn’t too obvious? She wonders.

Fionn’s face creases into a smirk and Alana giggles. Good. ‘Just enough’ she thinks.

“I feel like wherever you are, if you have good friends around you, then you’ll be at your happiest.” Alana declares, and Fionn has to agree with her.

“Am I your good friend?” He asks, nudging her in the elbow. He’s feeling cheeky too, and confident.

“Of course, Fionn!” She answers.

No hesitation. Excellent.

“Great.” This is going well, he thinks. And he hears her voice again.

“You’re great. …You’re very cute. Very lovely.” Her cheeks sting a little but she’s seeing this through.

They both laugh and Fionn pretends to shh her. “Oh stop!” He dramatizes. “I think you’re…. I think you’re really wonderful, Alana. Honestly.”

Oh my gosh, he sounds sincere. Keep it together Alana, come on.

“Gee, thanks Fionn!!” She jokes and they laugh more than is necessary, for no particular reason, but they feel comfortable. It’s a nice, light, hopeful feeling. Finally! Something is beginning to happen between them that feels more like ‘something’. They move to lie back on a stretch of grass and watch the clouds darken to red. Alana announces coyly “I think you’re as nice as that sunset.” She’s joking. …maybe half joking.

Fionn barks a loud laugh which sort of pulses his body forward to hang over his knees, he almost surprises himself, it really wasn’t that funny. He looks up to see Alana pulling a mock-disgruntled expression. “Excuse me, Finley, I was being deadly serious, man!”

He chuckles, “I know, that’s why I’m laughing.”

They silently thank God that not many people are nearby, because they’re probably being outrageous. But that’s alright. “Oh, charming!” Her soft Geordie accent thickens slightly.

Fionn can’t help but blush at how endearing she is. “That would have sounded stupid coming from anyone else, but because it’s you, it was very sweet and kind.” He tells her. “Thank you, Alana.”

She can’t believe they’re just sitting there talking to each other. It’s the simplest thing in the world but her body tickles all over. “Good.” She teases him, springing up and jokingly running away. “…Because it’s the last compliment you’re getting, mate!”

She leaves him watching her scamper off, a stupid big grin on both their faces.

Maybe it starts here.

--------------------

Their time spent together is fleeting, Fionn and Alana. But still often. They are both essentially at work. And they both work hard, everybody does. But luckily, because of the personal and creative nature of the project, it was encouraged from the outset that the actors spend all their time together and inhabit the film set as their home, making the whole video more collaborative. The cast is essentially friends of friends, so really, it’s just very social and enjoyable.

Alana and Polly and the rest of the team wanted the character interactions to be real and organic, hence their minimal script, and their emphasis on the actors trusting their instinct and taking more ownership. All the actors and crew started off watching films together which influenced Alana and Polly’s ideas, so they could get more of a collective understanding of the reference points, and of the style they were aiming for. There was a good week spent living on set discussing The Neon Demon, Submarine, High Rise, The Tree of Life, Amelie, and basically Wes Anderson and Stan Brakhage’s filmographies.

The camera crew are filming almost constantly, to capture the candid human interactions. Most of the film will be made in post-production, not necessarily with fancy editing, just piecing the right clips together once all the footage is there, instead of story boarding it all beforehand. The narration and spoken word will be the main thing, with only a few specific scenes being pre-planned. The film basically makes itself as it exists as a living organism.

The core of the whole piece is a poem Alana wrote. The entire film was imagined from it.

 “I cannot make real the thoughts which I imagine, because an imagined thought is not clear.

The thought came to me like a dream.

It was pink.

I saw us by the pool,

Sunken in a foreign sunset,

Foggy and thick.

Warm colours.

Words seeping from our tongues like water and they all reflected in our eyes.

I think of you and see starlings murmorating over the sea,

And swallows flying home.

It is important to share a thought before it expires.”

 This one poem is the only concrete scene in the film, everything else is woozy and unclear - like a thought or a dream. The scene is two people by the pool at sunset, talking. Yet there is no script for it. Polly wanted the actors to be free to feel the experience fully and to say what came to them naturally, and whatever they do, she’ll use. The actors for this scene are Fionn and Alana, playing Toby and Isla, and they film it tomorrow.

Them and the whole cast were prepped as much as they could be, and treated with nothing but kindness and inclusiveness by Polly and the team, and they were mostly guided to just enjoy themselves and go with it. As completely unusual and open ended as the brief is, Fionn and everyone else thought it sounded amazing. He knew it would be a pleasure to work with Harry again, and admittedly, Alana’s allure was as consuming as the atmosphere of the whole film.

*------------------

It’s this allure which Fionn is trying his best to ignore as he makes steps back to his room, intent on rehearsing some more ideas for Toby, but then he sees her.

Fionn sees Alana from across the landing by the lift.

He sees her in a way he doesn’t feel he should see her.

He’s stood on the dark red carpet near the corner of the hotel corridor. A window in front of him. Night begins to fill the sky, but a warm orange glow burns from Alana’s room.

Fionn sees her and he can’t move. He should, but he can’t.

He must walk away now. What is he doing?

He sees her white skin, all of it. It shines against the dark red silk of the bed sheets.

It’s erotic. The lighting. The whole film set. Everything. Why do the lights have to be so warm? Why is the colour of everything so sexy? Why do shadows seep into every corner of wherever Alana is not? Why is Fionn thinking of the colour red when his heart begins to beat like bubbling acid, and his breath bleeds fast out of the cracks in his lips, and his chest rises and falls like waves? And he can’t move. He cannot move.

It’s like she’s a siren and he’s drowning in the Red Sea but her song keeps pulling him back, spluttering.

He shouldn’t look. What the fuck is he doing? It’s wrong. It’s unprofessional. It’s disrespectful. This is his friend. His friend’s friend. This is essentially his boss. It’s wrong. But she’s there, and it’s hot. It’s so hot in here. Fionn can’t think clearly.

Where is everyone else? Why when night falls, does everyone disappear, and why is it always just him and Alana left?

Why is it so hot?

What the hell is happening? How is he seeing this?

This!?

Walk away right now Fionn, stop it. Stop watching her.

But she’s still doing it. And he can’t move.

She’s there. Her bed is right next to the window. Why? It doesn’t matter. Maybe to feel the breeze rush in through the window in the hot mornings. Good. That makes sense. The morning. Her. In the morning. Waking up beside her. Skin. Warm, beneath the covers. Hot. Pale skin beneath pink silk covers.

Her skin.

All of it.

Stop it. Walk away.

It throbs. He feels it. Tight, hot, stiff. There, pressing against him. Hard.

She’s doing it by the window. Of course she is, her bed’s there. Fuck.

Walk away Fionn.

No. God no, oh God. Fuck.

Fucking hell.

He rushes nearer the window that he’s watching her from, he stands behind the curtain. Lays his hand over himself.

He breathes out.

She breathes out. She presses the side of her face into the hot pink cushion.

For God’s sake, what’s wrong with this place? Why is everything dark and pink? What the fuck do they expect to happen?

Don’t touch anymore. Just keep your hand there Fionn, breathe out. Walk away, this is wrong.

Oh, fuck no. God. Look at her! Look at her, fuck.

She’s… She’s actually… Oh my God he can’t believe this.

Her other hand runs up, from her thigh, across her abdomen. He feels it.

Fionn feels her hand across his own abdomen, just below the belly button. He can practically feel his hand on her, sweeping over her skin. Fingertips pressing into her flesh. God. No.

Fionn presses his own hand against his abdomen. He presses his other hand down on himself harder. He sighs out.

Her hand travels up over her stomach, to her breast.

Her face rolls upwards and she presses her head down into the pink pillows, her eyes closed tight.

No. God, no Fionn. Leave now. Fuck.

He sighs out loud and pushes himself away from the window, leaving the dark purple curtain gushing in his wake.

Fionn storms along the corridor. Furious. Strides up to his door and, God. No. Absolutely not.

Not a chance.

“Louis!!”

“Lou! Ahh ah …oh fuckkk”

No.

Please, no.

“Harry! Harry ohhhh, yeah”

“God! Ah ahh fuck, Harryyy”

Fucking hell no.

“Yes, God! Ahh ah yesss”

Do not fuck in the room next to me right now, Harry. For the love of God, no!

“Louis!! Louis! Ahh”

“Fuck, yess!”

No. Please. Not now.

Fionn hurls his own door open, tripping over his own feet, breathing heavily and shutting it firmly behind him.

For God’s sake.

What the hell?

He leans against his door, desperately, then he quickly pulls his shirt up over his head, his glasses come off with them and fly onto the floor. Fionn huffs loudly, flustered and cheeks burning. Furious. He storms towards the bathroom, kicking off his shoes on the way and pulling off his burgundy socks. Fucking burgundy, for God’s sake!

“Ah! Louis, fuck!”

“Fuck fuck fuck Harry, God!! Yes!”

Fionn yanks the bathroom light cord down and switches the shower on. While the water heats up he violently undoes his belt and pushes down his pants and trousers with almost laughable urgency.

This is fucking ridiculous.

He grips himself and leans back into the sink edge, his head falling back.

He’s already wet.

He spreads out pre-cum with a shaking thumb and runs his hand down himself smoothly.

He tugs back up, and sighs.

Fionn steps into the shower, warm water falling on him, he bows his head and pumps himself hard. He puffs out frustrated sighs and moans, almost whimpers.

Veins sting in Fionn’s arm and neck, his eyes screw shut, and the water collecting in his fringe gushes down onto his cock.

Fionn steady’s himself with one hand fanned out against the shower wall and lifts his head back to breathe out, as if exhaling cigarette smoke.

His arm moving fast and steady, he works himself beneath the water.

One leg is bent slightly, and the water keeps washing over Fionn’s skin. Droplets fly over his thighs with the force that his hand flies up and down.

Low groans escape from Harry’s mouth, muffled through the wall, but still loud.

“Harry, God. YES!” Louis’ voice is audible even over the rush of the shower. “So good, baby, ah!”

Fuck. God.

“Ah! Ah!” Fionn pants, sucking in a breath through gritted teeth. “God!”

“Louis!!! Ahh! Fuckkk”

God, no.

“Fuck.” Fuck, Harry, why now?

Why is everyone in this hotel fucking at the same time!??

Why are the walls so thin?

Fionn sees her again, seeping into his vision, Alana with legs stretched out across the bed cover, her hand moving fast. Red light swimming around her.

Fuck, God.

Her fingers pressed together, and rotating fast, between her legs. Her lips apart.

Oh God.

He could see Alana’s breath moving inside her body. Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuckkk

Harry moans loudly in the next room.

Alana’s legs drop against the red silk, a breath heaving out of her throat, she trusts up into the air.

“Ah!”

Louis pounds hard into Harry and quivers inside him. One hand clutches Harry’s waist and pulls him further back onto his own dick. Louis’ other hand squeezes hot cum out of Harry’s dick. Louis presses his forehead against Harry’s shoulder and blows a hot breath onto his skin. Harry moans, hanging his head, kneeling over the bed.

Fionn thrusts forward desperately into his fist. Sighing loud. His Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows down his stunted breath. He pictures Alana, touching herself. He remembers Alana touching herself. She’s in this building right now, stretched out naked on a red satin bed. Fionn squeezes the end of his dick and shoots thick bouts of cum against the shower wall.

Some streams of cum run down over his thumb. He’s open mouthed and panting heavily. Fionn holds his hands into the stream of water and shuts his eyes. “Fuck.”

He leans his back heavily against the wet pink tiles, Fionn slicks all his hair back smoothly against his head, and breathes out an exhausted sigh. His cheeks are burning pink beneath his freckles, water trickles down his heaving chest. Fionn begins to rub shower gel into his hot skin, shaking his head and breathing out what could be deciphered as a small, pitiful laugh. “What the fuck, am I doing here?”

------------------------

CHAPTER 2

Morning sun brushes over Fionn’s face and buries itself into the folds of his dark orange duvet cover. It’s early. Too early. Fionn grumbles something into his pillow about mornings and how wrong they are, before distorted memories from the night before absorb into his conscious.

Oh dear.

Everything about this place is weird. Nothing’s quite normal, there is a familiarity to everything, a softness, a niceness, but it’s all sort of clouded with something quite impure and unsettling. Appealing at first and then uncertain. Darker. That is the point of the film, he supposes, but still. He feels it.

Fionn decides to forget last night. Or at least try to. He’s here. He’s here to work, and then he can leave. Just keep your head down, get the job done, and stay focused. Don’t think of Alana. Don’t think of her waking up this morning, don’t think of her going to sleep last night. Don’t think of her saying your name. Don’t picture what you saw. Don’t think of Harry either. Don’t think of Harry and Louis. Don’t get sucked in by the allure of this weird, pink, watery environment, or Alana’s weird allure either. Just don’t speak to her.

-----------------------

Several hours later, or maybe several years, Fionn is watching Alana surface from the pool. Midway through the day he decided it would actually be very rude to stop speaking to her. Unprofessional, even. She steps back into her clothes as Fionn playfully throws a towel over her head and greets her with a cheery hello.

She won’t know a thing, Fionn tells himself, just be normal. Be nice.

“Hi Dolphin!” she smiles, wriggling her painted toes into the plush of the orange towel. She places herself right by his side and says “Sorry to keep making you swim.”

But he just questions “Dolphin?” with a confused smile.

Alana deadpans a very serious yes. “You’re part dolphin now aren’t ya?”

Oh God no. What’s happening?

This wasn’t meant to happen.

“Alana get out of here right now. Did you just call me Dolphin??”

Does Fionn drop his head back in laughter, look down in embarrassment, crease his eyes shut to try and contain any reaction? A mixture of all three? He isn’t too sure. He just knows what this means. She isn’t referencing this film. Not the significance of the water metaphor in this film. No. This means Alana really did watch all of his and Harry’s Dunkirk interviews. This means she knows what a dork he is. Oh no.

“It makes absolute sense Fionn.” She’s still there. She’s still talking to him. Oh Jesus. “You can swim. You’re intelligent, and friendly, and cute, and fun. You sort of had a pod of other swimmers, you used to work on a ferry, and you’re a total doll! Fionn… dolphin… Dolfionn, it fits. It’s brilliant!”

Fionn’s definitely laughing now. He mockingly rests his fist against his hip and adopts a silly old man voice. “I’m part dolphin now. Ohh, dolphin eyy!” He jokes. “Why do I say these things on camera? Honestly!”

Through many giggles and words of encouragement and praise from Alana about how much her and the whole world enjoyed every single interview, Fionn realises if he is going to be named Dolphin, surely Alana must meet the same fate. “You need a name” he informs her.

Fuck it. Fuck everything. This whole film is ridiculous, everything that’s going on here is absurd. Probably some sort of social experiment. Forget what you told yourself this morning, Fionn, you’re here. She’s here. Just do it. Life brought you to this surreal pink world for a reason. For her. Right now feels like a good a time as any to reintroduce The Plan… if he could call it that.

“How about deer?” He suggests, with a smug grin.

The pace with which Alana’s face turns to meet his, suggests that The Plan may actually work.

He’d better keep going then.

“Or sun? Or maybe sunny? …Or yellow?”

‘I can’t bear this. He’s adorable.’ Alana thinks she’s not breathing. ‘He’s ridiculous!’ Her lips feel dry from smiling, like they’re sticking to her teeth. Her stomach feels heavily pregnant with butterflies and nerves and certainty.

“Deer like in Richmond Park?” She whispers, in awe.

“Yes. Deer like in Richmond Park.”

He remembers.

Fionn looks her straight back in the eye and smiles softly. Alana’s breath faults.

He remembers last June after the BBQ at Harry’s. The two of them walking through summer mist, the smell of damp earth, the rain shining silver on the path, as the sun broke from the clouds. Both unintentionally wearing the same yellow raincoat. They’d only just met and their sunlight coloured coats drew them together. The wild deer were reaching up to eat berries from the trees, and the blackbirds sang their final songs of the day. They’d walked Fionn’s dog until dusk guided them home. They may have even agreed to describe it as ‘idyllic.’

“That’s too much of an honour, Fionn. Deer are too good for anyone.”

She’s right though. They are. They’re the best creatures on the planet. Her absolute favourite.

“I knew you’d say that, Alana. …But I’ll think of something.” Fionn lays his hand on her shoulder, traces his fingers over the antlers of the deer tattoo inked onto her skin, then slowly slides his palm round to gently cup her neck. “Just you wait and see.”

This time it’s Fionn who runs off, leaving both him and Alana alone with the same stupid smiles.

*------------------

The moon beams a pool of light into Harry’s hotel room.

Alana’s been with him for a little while since they finished filming in there. They’re lounging on his bed listening to Meet Me In The Hallway crackle on his baby pink vinyl player. Alana basically asked Harry to be involved in the film solely because he wrote that song. He’s been her best friend since they were children, when their families met on holiday in the Lake District. Harry’s a calming influence on her, and he fits the aesthetic of this film effortlessly, but that song, his whole album in fact, and all the photoshoots that came with it, inspired Alana as much as any painting or movie.

Alana is in some way attempting to create her own visual interpretation of Meet Me In The Hallway. The mistiness. The dreaminess; it’s both haunting and comforting. It sounds sort of like a memory. Neither completely sad nor completely happy, but there is emotion there, and it’s real. Even if you don’t know what it means, the honesty is pure. There is a history to it, and a presence. It’s sort of an in-between state, that for whatever reason, you’ve chosen to remain in. There is a neediness to it, but a neediness for something which has only just passed, and will probably come back. And this is basically how Alana wants hers and Polly’s film. …You can listen to that song in the bath, or in bed, she thinks. Or driving to the beach. Indoors by the fire, rain hitting against the window. Day or night. At home or on holiday. It has the right balance between being obvious and being vague, and it’s just nice. It’s lovely.

“I wish it lasted three hours, H” Alana ponders out loud, proudly finishing the last coat of clear glitter on Harry’s dark grey nails.

“What?” He replies. “Sex?”

Alana scowls at him and cuddles a fluffy pink cushion to her chest. “Noooo, you little scamp! I meant your beautiful song!” She exclaims and prods him in the dimple. “You’re too cute, Harry-bo.” She tells him, and it’s true. He could get away with anything. He usually does.

“Heeeeyy! I think you’re cute, Lala!” He grins. “Honestly though, you’re doing very well with this film and I’m proud of you.” He begins plaiting a small section of her hair, where she dip-dyed it yellow. “Whether you believe me or not, I think you’re pretty you know, for a lady.” They giggle together but she scrunches her face at him, dismissing the compliment. “You’re kind of like Perrie if she were ginger and in Warpaint instead of Little Mix.”

A wide grin lights Alana’s face. “Woah, that’s the absolute dream!!” She imagines. “Are you being extra nice, pet, because you want me to plait your hair too?”

Harry swings his legs clumsily off the bed and begins to put on his gold boots. “Nope. I’m being as nice as I always am, but I do need to meet Polly now for some late filming.” He explains this whilst dressing himself in a leather jacket and applying a touch of dark burgundy lipstick. “However…” he flutters his eyelashes flirtatiously “…I’m not the only boy in this corridor who thinks you’re pretty and cute.”

And with that outrageous remark, Harry skips away gleefully into the night, leaving Alana to whimper to herself in a mixture of joy and despair. Having a proper crush on someone is a horrendous ordeal. She decides this is a fact, as she tidies up hers and Harry’s nail polish and straightens the pink bed spread. She wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Her day today was an early one, she and some of the other girls drove along to record the sun rise over a lavender field, and they were mainly shooting offsite there, or during the journey. It was when Rea and Vissy lay together in the meadow that she realised perhaps she was trying to make every fantasy that Tim Walker’s photographs induced in her as a young girl come true. Either that or her genuine desire as an artist was to make an hour long glorified perfume advert.

Alana throws some pink and black cushions to the floor and sits herself down. Leaning her back against the far wall of Harry’s room, she reflects on her romantic predicament. Maybe it’s not even a predicament. Maybe it is actually hell. Or maybe she’s just overdramatic and everything is actually falling into place.

Alana never wants to be defined by another person. She doesn’t want to obsess over someone, the way that she has been. Certainly not this much, or for this long.

She has a lot to be grateful for in life, and a lot of things which bring her happiness. Alana doesn’t need a relationship, she just quite wants one. Someone to say goodnight to, to make a packed lunch for, to push the cuticles down on her nails, to clean her teeth with, to draw circles into their skin after sex, to know the mole on the right hand side of her back, to leave notes for.

She wants Fionn.

A part of her wishes she didn’t, but she really really does.

Alana’s ex broke her heart. It was complex but for years she thought she was safe with him, until he didn’t love her anymore. So she went home, she drew, she wrote, she danced, she let her friends and her mum look after her, and she walked as far into the ocean as she needed to rid herself of him. She turned her pain into art, and she got over it.

Alana made a promise after that, to live for herself until the time she met someone she didn’t need to question. She doesn’t know if that time is now or not, but she does know that when she thinks of that promise, she only thinks of Fionn.

All she ever really does is think of Fionn.

Always.

A noise through the wall wakes Alana to the realisation that Harry’s record has long stopped playing, and that she ought to descent to her own room to sleep. She’s packing the record into its sleeve and hears the muffled noise continue. These walls are so thin. They’re nicely painted, but so thin. Leaning down nearer the wall to clear the cushions, Alana hears a soft sort of grunt or moan.

With her ear pressed against the wall, the thought of sleep is in disregard. She hears it again, a deep, breathy sigh, and any thought of leaving this wall is now in complete disregard.

It’s unmistakeable.

Completely, universally, categorically, unmistakeable.

The sound of sex.

Haha! Wonderful. Alana does know she ought to leave though, these are her co-workers and friends, after all. Throwing the cushions back onto the bed, she lets herself wonder who it might be. If this is Harry’s room, then… no!

Fuck.

No!!

Absolutely no way.

She listens harder and yes, that is a man moaning… and yes, it sounds like he’s alone. But… that doesn’t mean it’s… but… Harry’s room is the end one, so… there isn’t really anyone else it could be… other than Fionn.

Oh my God.

I have to leave.

This is unprofessional, Alana. This is disrespectful. I have to…

Oh, fuck.

God, he’s really… right now. Right there!

He can’t be… but he is. Oh God.

Fuck, he’s swearing. That’s Fionn!

That’s Fionn pressed against the other side of this wall…

Right now!

Fuck, Alana. Don’t make a noise. Stop. Leave now and don’t you dare think about listening for a moment longer.

Do not touch yourself. Don’t do it.

She means to walk away but the sigh already leaves her mouth.

Alana asking herself why she’s making noises doesn’t make her any quieter, and it doesn’t make her leave any faster.

Stop it. Don’t.

Why is it so hot in here?

Why can I hear him? Like this? Right now?

Why is the wet nestling into my thigh?

She feels so much.

It’s too much.

Why does the movement behind the wall sound like its right behind her?

Fionn hits his fist against the wall.

Fuck.

No.

Alana moans. She doesn’t mean too. Fionn doesn’t mean too. It’s just so hot in there, and all the lightbulbs are red, and everything feels wet, and the air is thick, and the walls are pink and they’re so, so thin, and there’s only three more days left there on set, and Fionn groans louder just to be sure that he’s wrong.

Of course he’s wrong.

There is no girl on the other side of the wall.

He just wants there to be.

But there isn’t.

Alana’s hands don’t mean to travel up her thigh and lift her dress.

Alana’s voice doesn’t mean to call out when she holds herself against the wall and grinds into her hand.

She doesn’t mean to at all.

She wants to leave, but, well… no, she wants to stay.

What she wants is to tear down this wall that she’s pressed against, but she can’t do that.

All she can seem to do is reach her hand beneath her underwear, and feel the wet wrap round her skin, and drag her fingers up hard, and breathe out a loud sigh.

Fuck.

It can’t be.

Absolutely not.

Fionn slams his hand against the wall, and grips himself tighter and bites down hard on his lip.

How is she there?

If it even is her?

What the fuck is wrong with this building?

Why are the walls so thin?

Why does everyone fuck at the same time?

How the hell is this happening? Again??

How do two people find themselves fucking against each other in a weird pink and orange hotel with an entire wall of old bricks and missed opportunities and unspoken words between them?

Jesus Christ.

Fionn doesn’t press his mouth against the wall and breathe out Alana’s name deeply through his lips.

He surely did not just do that.

No.

He couldn’t have.

…But if he hadn’t… why would the girl behind the wall gasp like that?

Why would she moan so loudly in response?

What she actually means is to leave right now but instead Alana flings her body around desperately, her forehead meeting the wall, she moves her finger tips in tiny circles, pounding them hard into her clit.

There can be no going back now, it’s already gone this far.

Fionn has nothing to lose. Or maybe he has everything to lose. Or maybe he doesn’t care.

Not right now.

He thrusts so hard into his hand, his dick is inches away from grinding against the wall that his hand holds him against.

“Ah! Alanaa… fuck!”

Fuck.

He said her name.

He just said her fucking name!

God.

“Ah! A...lana …mmm yess!”

Fionn has literally just fucked himself against a wall, loudly moaning Alana’s name.

She grasps her hand against the other side of the same wall, to pull at nothing, her body flinches and jumps, she gasps for air and groans out.

There’s no point in being quiet now.

She means to say ‘fuck’ but it sort of sounds like ‘Fionn’.

“Yes! Alana. Fuck.”

He speaks to her from the other side. This is it.

“Fionn! Fionn! Ah, fucking God!!”

This cannot be happening.

They’re fucking each other and they can’t even see it or feel it.

Alana’s so close. Her fingers are slipping, she’s so wet. She throbs and pants, breathless and so close.

“Alana”

Fionn’s voice speaks to her through the wall. It sounds calm, deep. Firm, and definite.

Almost dominant.

“Cum for me.”

“Please.”

Alana breathes in sharply with a sudden moan. “Fuck!! Fuuuuck!”

Her head slowly stretches back to hang, facing the ceiling, as she feels the breath escaping her lungs, leaving her mouth in a soft sigh of his name. She cums with two fingers pressed hard against her clit, her hips thrusting forward in short, intense jolts. Her moan squeaks and she sighs heavily, breathing out a clear “Fiiiionn”

The two of them stand in the same position, their foreheads resting against the same spot on separate sides of the same wall.

They breathe in and out deeply as their heart rates regulate.

Fionn and Alana shakily tug their underwear back on and briefly let their eyes close.

After a little while of quiet, Alana asks “Should I say sorry?”

She doesn’t know neighbour sex etiquette, but surely that’s the polite thing to say when you masturbate against a wall with someone uninvited.

“No” Fionn laughs. “You really don’t need to say sorry. Not at all”

Phew.

“Do I need to say sorry?” He asks, suddenly sounding concerned. He rests his palm out against his side of the wall.

“No, Fionn. Never.” Alana sits back on the floor, and rests her head back. “Not for anything.”

She hears another mumbled laugh. “Good, because that was fun!”

Oh, man!

Alana chuckles to herself and calls back. “You’re amazing Fionn, really.”

“Wait until there isn’t a wall between us!” He knocks on it twice, leans back against it and laughs.

Oh my God.

“See you tomorrow, darling.” Alana says, standing up and neatening her dress. “I’d better go because this probably isn’t really ok.” She laughs sort of nervously and sweeps her fringe out of her eyes.

“Bye, deer.” Fionn smiles and pulls his t-shirt back on. “Goodnight, Alana”

“Goodnight” She says, and kisses her side of the wall. “Sweet dreams, Dolfionn.”

--------------------

CHAPTER 3

Most of the visual content had been shot, there weren’t too many days left at all now. Harry and everyone else had basically done their bit. Everyone stayed from start to finish though, to boost morale and maintain the team effort, and because they were all still enjoying themselves. A lot of the bodies on set were simply required as extras now, there to be seen dancing and drifting through the background, in some sort of flamboyant garment.  

The only major part left was the pool scene with Fionn and Alana, well… with Toby and Isla, technically. The only clear thought in the film. Maybe the only clear thought in Fionn’s mind. …If he forgets about another night of questionable masturbation preferences, that is.

But he’s got to do it now. He has to. Time feels like it’s running out, but it also feels like it’s on his side, running towards him. Towards them. Fionn needs to see this through, somehow. Even if he’s cheating a little and doing it through his character, Toby, Fionn is finally going to do this. …The Plan.

Polly’s voice is calmly reassuring her friends to remember that they know what they’re doing and that she believes in them. “Anything that feels natural, yeah? Whatever you both do or say, it won’t be wrong.”

Would you say that about last night, Pol? Alana tells her brain to shut up. Get your head in the game, girl! This isn’t the time to make up rude jokes in your head.

Polly shuffles back, mostly out of view, and the camera men and women are situated comfortably far back. “We have all evening, guys, so take your time.” Everything feels as organic as a pink swimming pool surrounded by rhododendron bushes and orange beanbags can feel. …and if you ignore the night before.

Fionn lies across his chest with his face held in his hands and peers up at Alana through his clear framed glasses. He’s wearing a striped shirt beneath an old denim jacket and repeatedly telling himself not to blush. He draws a breath and feels a deep sickness in the pit of his stomach. But he’s a professional actor. He can do this. Well… he used to be professional.

Here it goes. The Scene, The Plan, whatever you want to call it.

“I think.”

Oh, he started too sure.

“…I don’t think.”

Alana sighs a soft laugh. “Good start, Toby”

“Stop it, Isla”

Toby sits up right, removes his glasses and crosses his legs. Isla watches him fondly.

Oh my gosh, she thinks to herself. Something’s definitely happening. Don’t think about last night. Because something is about to happen.

She chances a glance, both Isla and Alana.

Fuck. ..His jaw line.

Another glance. Oh God. Regulate your breathing, remember.

Her eyes travel from the low set of Fionn’s eyebrows, to the verdant green of his iris. Across the freckles on his cheeks, down the sharp line of his nose. The bump of his top lip, the mole on his chin. The prominence of his Adam’s apple, the ring pierced in his ear. There’s something about the angles of his face Alana feels she’ll never tire of admiring.

“I don’t think…”

Oh, shit. Listen.

He isn’t speaking through a wall anymore.

Listen to him, Isla. Listen to Toby.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody that I’ve been so intrigued by.”

Isla takes a breath, feels aware of every vein and pore in her body, keeps her mouth closed, and tells herself to listen.

“You’re sweet. And lovely, and really cool, and nice. And friendly. But. There’s more, like… to you, than that.”

Keep it together Fionn, you can do this. You’re only acting.

So why does this feel so important?

It’s not just the cameras, he can’t look at her. This is scarier than he thought, for both him and his character. Look at the pool, that’s a good idea.

“I mean, you’re… kind of like water. But… but, not. But maybe you are. I mean…”

Just go for it, Fi. He hears Harry’s voice in his head, encouraging him.

“You were born by the sea, Isla. You always say you like the ocean…”

He should not have said that. That’s too real. That’s Fionn and not Toby. That’s Alana and not Isla. It’s too far from the script. But there is no script. Oh Jesus, he’s going to be fired. He’ll never act again.

“I do.”

She whispers.

Alana. No… Isla.

“I do like the ocean.”

Toby looks at her, and there are lights reflecting in her eyes.

“I like dolphins.”

She did not just do that.

Fionn allows himself to laugh, surely Toby would laugh at that.

But he has more to say. Both Toby and Fionn. She deserves more …Isla and Alana.

“I think you’re great, Isla. I don’t really know what to say because you make me nervous. But in a nice way. But you make me comfortable, and happy too. And funny, maybe?”

“You’re really really funny.” She says.

Oh boy, there she is.

Keep going Toby.

“…And you’re encouraging, and kind. And your voice is like nothing I’ve heard, and you look…amazing. Just lovely. And you work hard, your mind… the way your mind works, and the ideas that are born inside it, astound me. And your eyes are so big and they’re like, green. But no…brown. Orange? Hazel. Yeah, hazel. A deep, enchanting hazel, and… and I’m saying this because. Erm, because… I should have said it sooner.”

Here we go.

“I should have said it last year when we walked in the park after it stopped raining, or when we made that salad together at Alex’s house.”

She’ll know exactly who he means.

“…Or at that gig, or when I saw you buying all those vegetables that time, or when you bumped into me at that café with my family, or maybe I should have just turned up at your door and declared it, or…”

Maybe Toby’s getting carried away, but its Art. Maybe this is what feels organic to him. Maybe this is what Isla wants to hear, maybe it is professional to use a live film set to confess your actual feelings for your co-star, and maybe, maybe he can’t stop… “Or maybe I should have written you a letter, or even sang you a song, or maybe even pressed orange roses through your letter box, but…

Fionn finally looks at her so that Toby isn’t declaring this to his hands and she’s… she’s not… crying? No. She’s smiling, but… well, kind of crying, and, both. Yes. She’s sort of smile crying into her hand, but it’s quite cute. Everything she does is cute.

“…I was scared.”

“For some weird reason I just felt scared, maybe that I would let you down, Isla, or simply that I liked you too much, or maybe not enough. Or that the timing was wrong, and we’d be too busy, but…I just always wanted more. And you were always there. Even when I didn’t think you would be. But I didn’t want to come to expect you, but you always seemed so happy to see me. You were so friendly and you kept saying nice things to me, and touching my arm. But, I know you do that to everyone...”

Keep going Fionn, it’s for the film. You’re a great actor.

“My dog likes you. And my sisters like you, and… and Alex said that you like me.”

There’s no way back now, just carry on.

“And… well, yeah. That was nice to hear. Everything said about you is nice to hear. Your voice, especially, is nice to hear. I just… I suppose that if there were ever a choice for you to be somewhere or to not be somewhere, and I suppose by ‘somewhere’ I mean with me, by my side, I’d much rather that you were. There. …By my side, I mean. Than not there.”

Fionn takes what feels like his first breath in several hours and what might actually be his first breath in several hours.

“I guess that’s the best I’ve got. For now, anyway.” He says. “But maybe I can work on it.” He’s not speaking to the crew, but still to Alana. Well, no. It’s Toby speaking to Isla.

He realises all the extras have gone inside, and the moon has replaced the sun, and the butterflies are sleeping and Alana, well… Isla, is wearing a loose red cardigan he never saw her put on. And she’s sitting right in front of him though he never noticed her move forward.

Somehow Alana is holding Fionn’s hand in hers, although he never felt her take it. He realises the cameras are still rolling, of course they are. And the set lights are still shining on the tears in Alana’s eyes and he wonders where she learnt to be such a good actress that she could just cry like that.

And then he hears her soft, angelic voice though he never saw her open her mouth, and he realises she’s talking to him.

“Of course I like you, Toby.” Isla breathes out. “I always have.”

She’s such a good actress.

Listen to her.

“You’re intelligent and creative. And you’re respectful about everything. The way you talk, about things, it’s so… earnest, and important. And I could listen to you, for ages. You speaking… you’re voice…I dunno. You’re just compassionate, and so endearing. And you’re so cool! God, you have no idea, but that just makes it better! You’re so humble and wonderful and your singing voice, Jesus Christ!! You’re sort of unbelievable. You’re sort of everything, but mostly, you’re just so nice, and you work hard. And you care about your family, and you’re really funny!”

Alana’s sort of exasperated, as if she’s only realising all of Fionn’s amazing qualities right now but she isn’t, she’s known the whole time she’s known him. She has to keep going though. Isla does.

“You make me care about things more. I learn things through you, you’re just great… I don’t, know… you’re really peaceful. It sounds silly but knowing that you exist, in my life, somehow, is just… really soothing, and reassuring. You’re a bit weird, you’ve got your quirks and everything, but so do I, and… I guess it doesn’t really matter.” She says. “I mean look at you! You’re lovely. So, so lovely. You’re just… real. There’s this grace and composure about you that I’ve never witnessed in anyone else.”

God, she’s good.

Fionn thinks he might see one of the camerawomen moving position and the sound technician move the mic, but all he’s looking at are Alana’s eyes on him, open wide and shining, staring into his.

Maybe the plan is working?

“Toby, I suppose I don’t really know all that much about you, but I don’t know if I need to, because I know enough to know that I feel something.”

Neither Toby nor Fionn know if the feel of lips blowing air against skin is the breeze or the feeling of two sets of knuckles folded together.

“I kept waiting for it to fizzle out, but it never did. I could never just appreciate you in moderation …I wanted more, too.” She speaks. And yes, maybe this is finally happening. And it doesn’t matter with whose voice she speaks, Isla’s or her own. “There were times I was unsure if I wanted you in reality, or if it were safer to enjoy the idea of you, but there was just something...” Alana moves their hands to rest in her lap, her heart crashing in her throat, and she speaks firmly, hopefully in Isla’s voice. “There is just something about you I never felt ready or able to leave behind. And I still don’t want to. I’ve always wanted you, and I still do.”

Fionn thinks he can hear plants rustling beneath a soft wind but he doesn’t know because neither he nor Toby would be listening to that. It’s not important. This is happening. He feels sick, in the most beautiful way.

“For a while, admittedly, I tried to pretend you were only a concept.” Isla pauses, her eyes switch between focusing on Toby’s and studying the stitching on his sleeve.

Just keep going, Alana. It’s for the film.

“I wish I could say I was an actress.” Isla’s free hand climbs Toby’s forearm and rests at his elbow. “…That there was a reason for all this.”

Oh Jesus. It’s for the Film, ok?

Fionn lifts his eyes from looking at Alana’s hand nestled in his, and meets her eyes. “You just had this grip on me.” Isla says, but it is Alana’s eyes that are still glossy. “…And whether either of us intended it to or not, your presence just somehow seeped into everything, and thoughts of you consumed me, but not even in a bad way! Just in a constant and certain way, and I… I made art about you.”

It’s too late now, she thinks. She’s said it.

“Everything I’ve done has sort of stemmed from initially thinking about you. All of this, in a weird and kind of unintentional way, it’s sort of all for you.”

Toby scans from Isla across to the plants which frame her; lavender, foxglove, fuscia. His eyes travel into the still water, decorated with petals and confetti and sequins, through all the other orange and lilac and yellow flowers in the far corner, up into the deep red and golden sunset which seeps into the sea, and then back to her. Gems glisten in her ears, glitter lines her eye lids. A peacock butterfly is tattooed onto her shoulder, and a pale pink flower is woven into her hair. She smiles the sweetest smile and her eyes are full of honesty. “You’re a bee.” He says.

They laugh …finally.

Fionn, Toby, Alana, Isla. It doesn’t matter. Their hands separate and they move to align their bodies side by side, legs stretched in front of them. “You wear yellow, you’re rare, and you like flowers. Everything surrounding you is pretty. You like the outdoors. You sort of fly around everywhere, pollinating everything, I’m not sure what with… but wherever you go, you leave a trace of something hopeful. What you give out is sort of necessary and appreciated. Your words, or art, or smile. I don’t know. But, it’s always nice to see you.” He says. “You’re a bee. …That can be your name. That’s what I’ll call you.”

--------------------------

CHAPTER 4

Morning sun rises slowly in a pale sky and shines weakly through the open window.

The eyes watching Alana are interrogative, in a caring way. Unflinching, deep with questions, but safe. Familiar. A silvery grey blue, with lashes painted black fluttering above them.

“Mornin’ Poll! How’re you feeling?” She asks her friend, it’s a genuine question but she anticipates it won’t be answered.

“Yesterday, Al.” Polly’s eyes widen. “Yesterday.”

“Yesterday was Tuesday.” Alana smiles around a spoonful of fruit salad, investigates a kiwi in her bowl with more interest than needed, and she absolutely doesn’t blush. Not at all. It might be sunburn.

“Alana, please!” Polly reaches across the pink breakfast table and holds onto Alana’s arm.

“I thought I was meant to be the actress round here!” But she can’t keep this up, Alana quickly retreats into shy grumbles and unsure whimpers and adolescent giggles and she cradles her knees to her chest. “Yesterday was amazing, if not maybe a little odd, I suppose? Quite intense. Very, very beautiful, but intense.” She admits, half smiling, half nervously puckering her lips.

“It was amazing, Alana! I could barely watch, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be there …I couldn’t breathe. I think Isaac the lighting guy was crying! We were all sweating afterwards, just looking at each other in silence. No one knew what to say.” Polly’s a little manic, it was obvious that she’d been holding this in all night. “Acting rarely creates that kind of atmosphere, Alana, I know Fionn’s amazing at his job, obviously, but there was tension. That was super intense!” She decides. “What you both said was personal and obviously, undoubtedly, completely real.”

Alana can only respond with a quiet ‘hmm.’ It’s all out there now, she guesses. Everything. Exposed, honest, said. Everything’s finally been said. Everything she thought and dreamt and wrote and hoped for all year has finally been said…Unless by some miracle all of the shots are unusable and they have to burn everything and no one will ever know a thing. Or maybe the sound is somehow so poor that they have to just make up some random subtitles, or add loads of effects, or maybe even play the speech backwards like in Twin Peaks. Maybe that would be better? Maybe she should suggest it?

“Alana, please.” Polly brings her back to earth. “Please don’t you dare get nervous and avoid him now. Things between you and him do not end with that scene, you know that, right?”

She’s right. God, of course she is. Alana reaches out to hold her friend’s hand and listen to her.

“Lana, you haven’t come this far to freak out about it now. You don’t actually have anything to be scared of anymore. It is quite clear that he feels the same. He is absolutely lovely and believe it or not, you are a catch.”

Alana laughs weakly and brings hers and Polly’s hands up to her mouth to press her lips nervously and tenderly into Polly’s fingers.

“Go and see him, petal. You’ve both done more than enough for this film and all of us can start packing stuff up.” Polly tells her. “Everything you have waited for is happening now. Go and see him. Today.”

Alana squeezes her friend’s hand and smiles at her. “Thank you, Pea. Thank you so much, for pulling me together!” She says. “I love you.” Alana stands to clear her dishes with a slightly wobbly hand, but a big smile on her face. “I’ll do it.”

------------------------------

There is a backless pink bench situated in a secluded corner of a small garden behind the pool. Bull rushes, flag irises and orange water flowers stand tall in a small turquoise pond dressed with layers of lily pads. A willow tree hangs its branches over the grass, the fine green leaves reflect in shards of mirror mosaicked into the pink wall at the back. White butterflies with orange tipped wings and painted-lady butterflies jitter around pink and yellow flower heads.

Fionn is sitting on the bench, cradling a bright pink mug and blowing lightly over the surface to cool down his morning coffee. A navy blue tee-shirt stretches over his chest, soft strands of brown hair curl messily over his forehead. Sunlight paints patches of white light over his face, and tangles into the hair on his legs. Despite not being a morning person, Fionn feels peaceful as he watches little bubbles travel up to the surface of the pond water, he sees them pop with a content smile on his face.

He feels a hand slowly stroke his back then tenderly smooth down his hair from the crown of his head to the nape of his neck.

Alana slides her hand down Fionn’s arm as she sits herself on the bench to face him. She folds her leg to rest her knee on Fionn’s thigh and she says a happy, shy good morning. Fionn places his hand gently on her leg and laughs out an equally shy greeting.

Fionn and Alana are both slow and quiet. As if they woke too early. They are not sleepy but the day is unfamiliarly new, it feels like the morning has paused so it can stretch out for longer than normal. The sun is awaiting their instruction before it rises higher in the sky.

Alana rests her head against Fionn’s shoulder and laughs out “I don’t know what to say!” She feels his two fingers and thumb slide to cup her chin and trace the edge of her jaw. Fionn sweeps his fingers up Alana’s face to push her hair behind her ear, so slowly and softly that his knuckles tickle her skin. She takes his hand in hers, looks at him and smiles. “Maybe we’ve already said everything.”

Fionn turns so each of his legs are on either side of the bench with Alana sat cross legged between them. Their hands hold each other’s thighs. He smiles softly. “Yeah, maybe we have said it all now.”

“Thank you for everything you said.” Alana speaks, earnestly. They sigh quietly through little smiles and slow blinks as they realise that they’ve finally sorted everything out. “Thank you, too.” Fionn says. Alana reaches her arms around Fionn’s neck to hug him and he holds her with his arms wrapped round her back.

Their faces nestle into each other’s necks, cheeks squished into tight smiles. Close, skin pressed inside folds and corners of skin. The morning, their skin pressed together in the morning. No walls between them. No water between them. No windows between them. No unspoken words between them. No cities between them. They’ve done it. They are here. Together.

Their hug loosens a little and they rest their cheeks together with their eyes closed. They stay like that for a while, or what feels like a while, or what feels like no time at all. Eyelids shut softly and they breathe in and out slowly, they rub their cheeks together ever so slightly, almost like deer. The tips of Fionn and Alana’s noses and lips brush over each other’s skin in the hazy yellow morning light. Fionn gently ghosts faint kisses along Alana’s jaw and onto her chin. They are gentle and slow. No rush. Just waking up. Alana leaves a trail of small kisses along Fionn’s neck and onto his face and up to his forehead.

Fionn kisses the end of Alana’s nose. “So we’re good?” She asks him with a smirk and locks her hands around the back of his neck. “We’re, like… friends…and stuff?” She laughs.

“Alana.” Fionn says her name seriously with a raised eyebrow. “Come on!” He smooths his palms over the back of her head and cups her face in his hands.

“Okay” She smiles. “More than friends, please?”

“That’s better.” Fionn nods. “More than friends.”

They’re still smiling even when they try not to. It’s in their eyes and their whole faces, their whole bodies. It could be embarrassing but they don’t care. It’s only the two of them anyway, and they’ve waited long enough. A year and a bit isn’t that long, really, but it felt like it.

“Are we…” Alana leans closer to Fionn to speak in his ear “…Together?” She asks him in a giggle, with a small knot in her stomach, and she takes his ear lobe into her mouth to suck in a little kiss. Fionn whispers into her ear, his lips touch her skin with every word. “I think… that we are together, Alana.” He kisses her cheek. “Yes.”

“Good!” She sighs. “That’s wonderful to hear.” She turns to smile against the corner of his lips. “Phew!”

“I’m so sorry it took me so long to tell you how I felt.” Fionn admits, linking their fingers together. And Alana replies, smoothing her hand over his. “Don’t be. You’re worth the wait, and I’m really sorry it took me such weird and dramatic methods to tell you how I felt.”

They laugh and Alana wraps her legs around Fionn’s waist, he holds his arms around the bottom of her back. They rest their foreheads together. They are comfortable and happy, but nerves still tickle them and shoot up inside their stomachs, like an itch. It’s comfortable but new at the same time. They are so close now, hugging and resting their heads together, but they itch, they both know it, silently. Slowly, with twitches in their bellies, Fionn and Alana lift their heads up, their chins meet gently, they tilt their heads slightly, slowly. They close their eyes, and they slowly press their lips together in a soft, gentle peck. They smile slightly then open their lips to slide between each other’s in another kiss. Their lips open and meet again, and again. Fionn and Alana share a slow, long kiss. She rubs her hand over Fionn’s hair where she lightly holds the back of his neck. He gently lays his hand on her jaw. Alana can feel the shape of Fionn’s top lip between hers. Their lips are warm together. Soft, and they move slowly. Continuously. Soft, wet and gentle. The very faint flavours of coffee and toothpaste mix and taste much better than they should. Sort of comforting. Sort of sweet, sort of funny. Nice. Their lips are close, always. Never leaving, never stopping. Keeping kissing. Sliding. Long, slow, deep, wet, soft kisses. Sentences of long kisses, punctuated with little kisses. A paragraph for a kiss. Their lips are pink and kissing makes them more pink. They kiss in the garden. They sit on the pink bench, in the little garden with the pink walls, by the turquoise pond with the pink lotus flowers, and they kiss. They finally kiss because they finally can.

They kiss every word they never said into each other’s lips. They kiss every word they did say to each other, by the pool at sunset last night. They kiss for every look they shared across every room they’ve been in. They kiss for every inch of distance they ever had between them. They kiss for every time they could have kissed sooner. They kiss for every person who told them to kiss sooner. They kiss for them kissing now. They kiss for them kissing again. They kiss for them finally getting it right. They kiss for the first time because it’s not the last time. They kiss till the sun rises higher in the sky and tells them the day has begun.

---------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 5

(Bonus chapter with plot twist)

 September 2019

Fionn is at home, his dog Lewis curling up to his side, and Alana cuddling the other. Their limbs, dressed in comfy jeans and woollen autumn jumpers, tangle lazily on the sofa. Fionn looks up from reading and meets Alana with a wide and fond, if not slightly bemused, and maybe even teary-eyed smile. He places what he’s just read onto the table; a short story self-printed and hand bound in baby pink card, titled ‘Pink Dolphin’.

He chuckles and leans in to give Alana a lingering kiss. “Bless you” he tells her. “This is crazy, this story. It’s amazing! I can’t believe you did that, it’s so funny!” Fionn shakes his head with an amused smile. “Yeah, it’s maybe a tiny tiny bit strange, and it’s pretty hot!” He says. “But honestly… that’s maybe the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” Fionn smiles even wider and lays his hand across his heart. “Parts of that really, really got to me. That was so, so nice!”

Alana reaches out to take Fionn’s hand in hers and breathes out a dramatic sigh of relief. “Phewww, thank God!” She looks at him with wide, innocent eyes and a smile, as if she didn’t just share her dirty fanfiction with him. Fionn chuckles and pinches Alana’s nose. He runs his thumb over her cheek to show he’s just teasing. The pair of them nervously giggle. Even after almost 3 years together, they’re still as awkward with each other as they are comfortable.

Alana tucks her legs under Fionn’s and holds Lewis’ paw. “I never even planned for you to read it, you know! I was so embarrassed, I’m so sorry!” She laughs at herself, and at Fionn laughing at her. “I know I’m a bit of an idiot, I just really love you and you’re very inspiring!” Alana snorts a laugh at the facial expressions Fionn is pulling at her. “It’s all completely Harry and Louis’ fault anyway! They made me write it by planting the idea in my head! They’re out of control.”

“I’ll tell you one thing.” Fionn replies, wrapping one of Alana’s legs up in his arms and resting his face against her knee. “Fionn is right.” He points to the pink laminated document on the table and picks it up. “You are ridiculous!” He laughs, swatting at her with her own story. “All of you are absolutely, beautifully, stupidly, impossibly, ridiculously, ridiculous! I have no idea why I spend time with any of you.”

Alana stretches away from him, laughing. “I’m ridiculously in love with you!” She sings. “We all are, does that help!??”

“It only helps a tiny bit, you lunatic!” Fionn laughs, pulling his girlfriend back into his arms. “When Harry said he’d dared you to write fanfiction about us aaaaages ago, I certainly never expected you to have taken it this far, or gone to that much effort! It’s craaazy but it’s honestly brilliant though, and I’m very flattered …but don’t tell Harry that.”

“Ah thank God, though, honestly!” Alana sighs again, kissing Fionn’s knuckles. “I was so worried you’d be absolutely disgusted, and outraged, and confused, and just want to leave me immediately, and then be angry at Harry too!” She gushes, far too dramatically. “You know… Louis even tried to get me to post it online!! Can you believe him!?” She admits, her eyes wild with excitement and confession.

“I just wrote it cos it helped me to, like, deal with you.” She explains, a little more peacefully. “I didn’t wanna get obsessed or anything, or invest too much in our relationship too soon. I just wanted to be calm, and to enjoy fancying you, and happily take things slow, so transferring some emotion into this helped.” She admits. “I wrote it before we were properly together, and I know it sounds odd, and I know I’m really dramatic… but it just made sense to me, and it was fun! I tried to keep all this hidden for all these years, and I pretended that I never actually wrote any, just on the off chance you got mad at me or were, like, really disturbed.”

Fionn laughs loudly at how stressed Alana’s getting. She is so silly. He is actually really enjoying this. Seeing her freak out and feel awkward is pretty funny. It’s adorable, actually. “I’m not angry with you!” He has to save her at some point. “I’m actually really glad that you took Harry’s dare, or advice?, so seriously, and wrote such an amazing story and managed to hang onto it all this time!” Fionn moves to rest his chin on top of Alana’s head. “And it clearly worked, cos we’re all good.”

“You made us into art, Alana, and that is really sweet and a real privilege. You know I’d never judge you for doing something which helps or inspires you.” He says. “You knew that at some point I’d eventually reveal you to the world as the arty mad woman that I was somehow in love with, and I suppose if we do decide to share this beautiful, funny, wonderful, weird, sexy, and ridiculous story that you’ve created, then maybe that would be as good a way as any for us to ‘come out’.” He jokes with her and kisses her on the temple.

Alana giggles and combs her fingers through Fionn’s hair. “Yeah. We’re really private, Dolfionn, and we hope to ‘come out’ in a quiet and simple way…let’s definitely reveal this epic, dramatic, arty, cinematic, fantasy filth about us!” She plays along. “Sure! Maybe we should... Maybe it’s a brilliant idea! Maybe it would be funny?” She lays her head in Fionn’s lap and tickles Lewis under his ears.

Fionn rests his hand over Alana’s tummy. “Yeah, I definitely think so. Louis’ onto something... It would be silly and endearing, like us! But no… seriously, if we just stay calm, don’t make much fuss, and continue living our lives quietly like we always do…” He starts, “And I’ll keep mainly just talking about acting in any interviews, then everything will definitely be fine when people do know.” Alana has to agree with him. She meant it when she said Fionn was inspiring.

“I’m happy for people to know about us now, but we can definitely still be private.” He reassures them both. “We’re not giving Harry and Louis the satisfaction of sharing that story anyway!” Fionn laughs and slides his hand beneath Alana’s jumper, to slowly run his fingers over her warm skin. “What I’m most concerned with now, however…” He leans closer. “…is fucking you through a wall.” He teases but reaches further up under Alana’s top, and licks a stripe up her neck. “You wrote some incredibly sexy things and I was very impressed.”

Alana laughs and tugs at Fionn’s hair. She sits up to straddle him and leave wet, introductory kisses up Fionn’s neck. “So, just to completely clarify first, you’re absolutely sure that you’re definitely not annoyed or embarrassed that I wrote that??” She double checks, stroking the soft hair on Fionn’s arms beneath his jumper sleeves.

“You’re pretty difficult to be angry with, bee.” Fionn smiles and holds Alana’s hips beneath her jumper. “I’m maybe the tiniest bit surprised? If not just at how detailed it is, even though I really shouldn’t be because this is actually typical you… and its typical Harry and Louis! But honestly, love, no.” He answers. “I’m not annoyed with you at all. I absolutely love it, and I actually find the whole thing really cute!” He tells her. “I might be embarrassed if your story were shit, but luckily I’m quite a fan.” Fionn flirts and rests his head against Alana’s chest, kissing it through her clothes.

Alana cradles Fionn’s head in her arms. “I know I’m silly and weird, pet, but for what it’s worth, I meant the things that I wrote. Well… what Harry forced me to write!” She jokes but winds loving kisses into Fionn’s hair and down over his throat. “I meant it a lot, petal, the romantic bits as well as the naughty bits.”

“I know. I can tell that you did, bee, you don’t need to say sorry and I honestly do sincerely appreciate it.” Fionn says. “I appreciate yours and Harry’s unorthodox tactics to deal with your overwhelming love for me!” He jokes between tickles and cuddles and he playfully bites Alana’s shoulder. Lewis wakes up and happily scrambles off into the other room.

“For what it’s worth, Al, I would say everything to you that you wrote in that story, because it’s all completely true, and you deserve to hear it every day, and I’m really proud of you. And I really do love you. And I appreciate everything we have together.” He kisses her firmly and pulls her closer into his lap and against his body. “I love you so fucking much, you adorable weirdo.”

“I love you, Fionn.” Alana sighs out and holds his face tightly up to hers, stroking her thumbs over his cheeks. “I really really love you a lot. Thank you for everything. For putting up with me so well, and for always being so kind.” She kisses his lips. “And wonderful.” She kisses him again. “And pretty.” Another kiss. “And amazing.” Kiss. “And sweet.”

Fionn holds the back of her neck and they kiss quickly through deep breaths. Alana’s hands run down Fionn’s chest and he squeezes the backs of her thighs tightly, moving his hand up her back and into her hair. In the moments Fionn’s lips aren’t held between Alana’s he informs her “We’re reading the rude scenes aloud to each other while we have sex, you know.”

Alana sinks lower onto Fionn’s lap and hurriedly pulls off his jumper. “Yes! God, I know.”

[pklovesdwsart]

Art Minor 2 (Nature & Environment)

This time, no stories to tell (well, maybe one, but I didn’t put it here, haha)! But a whole bunch of stuff I made instead, whoo boy! The theme of this minor was Nature & Environment. I had lots of fun, honestly! I’ll divide it in the 4 subjects I took :). It’s a long post, beware, haha.

Ceramics:

Aaaand the last bit I made! I’ll post a few more :). Especially the glazed ones~!

And that’s about it for ceramics!

Painting & Drawing:

So, this is actually a(n) (abstract) portrait of one of the students. It’s a one-line drawing :). It was, ah, interesting to make for sure....

We also had a session on how to draw “real” portraits.... with, like, the proper proportions and everything. It was interesting for sure!

This is the “self-portrait” I made! There is a lot to be said about this one (also because it is a self-portrait). I’d like to start with the mask. One of the reasons I used it is closely related to an Instagram post of mine (I’ll write it out). Sorry, it’s lone, though. “Lately, I have been forced to think about something I had been thinking years back. About the fact that in this individualistic society, you HAVE to stand out one way or another. I don’t want to. What’s wrong with simply being average and not special at all? What’s wrong with wanting to live a simple life with no particular interesting skills? (yes, I do realise I have some, but it doesn’t make me feel special or like I have to/want to brag about it...). This was something I noticed in particular 2 weeks back (in May, 2019), when my minor started again. We had to draw a realistic scene in the park. Afterwards, we would “redraw” this scene as we felt, heard and saw the things we encountered while drawing, changing the initial drawing drastically. So I did. However, the teacher told me he wanted to “see more of me” in the drawing. But how come he didn’t? The things I felt, saw, heard and fantasised about were all things that came from me and were pictured in the drawing. How is that not me?! Yeah, sure, the girl in my drawing looked manga/anime like. But is that honestly so wrong...? If that’s how I draw, if that’s me, how can you say you want to see more of the “me”? Honestly, I am so sick of this individualistic society that forces you to be “special”, “interesting” or “talented”. Is it so wrong to want to live simply? Is it wrong to not want to be seen as “different from the rest”? Can I just live with a blank face, trying in my own way, on my own conditions?” The mask used in this picture (and the Instagram rant, haha), has the Japanese characters: じ    へ  へ        の の         も        へ (henohenomoheji). They are commonly used to picture a (blank) face. As such, they are mostly used for mob characters, or those of little significance. So the mask itself already symbolises the wish to blend into the masses. On the other hand, the mask can also signify the ability to be flexible. As in, if you have a blank face, it means you are able to “paint over it”. To make yourself be who you want to be. And that clues into my hobby, which is cosplay. I can be whoever I want to be (with the proper means, haha), and that enables me to transform completely. So, yes, the mask signifies a lot to me. And that’s why I decided I wanted the picture to be like this. Because this is me in so many shapes and forms. Continuing on! Photography:

Let’s just say photography is not my thing... Luckily, we had two classes this block period anyway, so I didn’t have to suffer for very long.

Finally! The last subject!

Design:

Ohhhh, I loooooved design! There’s so much I did~ Sooo, we had to gather 5 objects we could find outside (in nature), and we had to take 3 pictures (the top one is said picture). Then we had to write a story based on the object/photograph (mine was a feather, by the way). You had to hand the story over to friends/family/etc., and they had to say one word about the story. So, my two words were “pessimistic” and “inspirational”. Based on those two words, we had to find a new (existing) “picture”. Then we had to bring items that had something to do with the story. So, I brought a ceramic “mountain” (one of the words used in my story) I made last block period. So based on that item, we had to design something around that concept and things that prefferably had to do with the (human) body. Sooo, I went to Wikipedia, and took a look at the words written there. So, that’s when we got to the word “relief” (or terrain, mayhaps). Then I started thinking how that was created (e.i. mountains, and its “relief”). So, that’s when we reached our tectonic plates. And then I started thinking about the fact that a mountain was basically a “print” of the earth (in a way). Okay, got all that? Then hopefully the next part will make sense as well, lol.

So, the first thing I did was woodcutting! I really wanted to try my hand at this, mostly because of my overlapping interest in Japan. I had a lot of fun, honestly! (I’ll put all the prints at the end ;))

Bad lighting is bad.... But after the woodcut, I tried my hand at linocut! Which went a whole lot smoother.... (I bought my own gouge set <3 - absolutely in love with it). I had a lot of fun with these, honestly!

Ah, yes, then I once more did some etching! I intentionally “messed up” the feather one (the stripe in the middle does kind of bother me...) to try and see what happens. I really liked the result of that one a lot! (once more, prints will be put down here~) Finally! I tried my hand at this:

screen printing! I really liked doing this! It’s very interesting to do, yet less intensive than any of the things I had done previously... I really had fun! And you can experiment a lot! Which I didn’t, really, by the way.... (slightly regretted it, but time restraints...). Also, putting Timcanpy on my daily gear is like a dream come true <3. Lovely. Now, time for all the prints!

Because wood is a natural material, it kind of soaks up the ink. So you get a grainy kind of print. It’s spotty, but that’s kind of charming in its own way, I guess?

I made loooots of prints for the linocuts, lol. They are way less spotty, and I really liked them! (the stuff in the very back isn’t mine, by the way).

I also really liked the ink colours I used! I also printed everything on postcard format.

The print is even more interesting in real life!

A very clean print for this one. Such a contrast with the previous one! I like both of them, honestly.

What would we be without a little Timcanpy in our lives~

I also used a natural “print”. Don’t worry, it’s not actual snake skin... But it is actual snake skin shed/moulted skin. It’s from my own snake, Sora <3. So it’s kind of an endless supply, lol.

So, that’s all for the practical subjects! Now, it wasn’t all I did, and I have many, many more photos of the process... But the post wil get waaaaay too long if I want to show everything... So I mostly posted the endresults :).

There is one last thing I want to post here! Which are the “extras”.

Extras:

The sketches we had to make for capturing real life (mentioned at my self-portrait). I do have to mention that on that day it was bloody cold, it was raining, and we didn’t even know we had to be there... So I had a shit day, honestly....

I haven’t finished it, sooooo, I don’t have a very good picture, unfortunately... But this was the drawing I got a loooot of hate on, basically....

Ahhh, here’s the sketch, where you can see it a bit better... So basically, he wnted me to draw it bigger. Which I did. Then he suggested I made a selfportrait (instead of using a manga/anime like character......). Which I did. But don’t have a picture of, I believe. Well, I have a lot of issues with all of this, so I kind of want to drop it. Though I will finish the initial one for sure. I don’t care much for the second, the large, one.....

We also had workshops on drawing a naked model! Which was very interesting! I had never drawn a human/humanlike full-model, well, model. So I had many, many issues at first.... I especially had many issues with (human) proportions. But in the end, I had a lot of fun! I attended a second session (not the third, unfortunately), but I don’t have a picture of it (yet). I might edit it in later, buuuut, not sure...

So, I believe that was all! I had so much fun this period, and I’m super glad I decided to stay (I was only obligated to follow one minor). If I hadn’t, I don’t think that in the end I would be this satisfied. Also, this period was, like, 2 or 3 weeks shorter than previous one... So we were short on time, I guess... I learned a lot, I worked with many different materials, and in the end, I’m very happy. So, here are the final pictures of the ENTIRE table :).

[melissahappyplace]

HAPPY PLACE:  A Teen Space

I got my girl!  These were the first words out of my mouth when the doctor delivered my daughter, Kate.  I had been told I was having a girl months earlier, but I didn't truly believe it until the doctor announced it in the delivery room.  Katelyn Benefiel!  The daughter I had dreamed of for as far back as I can remember.  

I won't lie and say my early days as a mom were the things dreams are made of because they were messy.  I did not adjust to motherhood like they showed on the old TLC show 'A Baby Story.'  For months prior to Kate's birth, I watched this show and bought their portrayal of motherhood hook line and sinker.  Mom is pregnant; mom gives birth with minimal mess; mom and baby walk off into the sunset; mom knows exactly what to do and enjoys every minute of it.  Nope!  That's not what happened for me and I was understandably upset with this show and myself for believing it so wholeheartedly.

Post-partum depression hit me soon after delivering my daughter.  Fortunately, it didn't last but the feeling that I did not know what I was doing did remain.  I felt like there was this yet unknown mistake I could make that would lead to Kate's death.  Literally, I was constantly worried about her mortality and I wondered if she would be better off with a different mom who was enjoying every minute of it.  It didn't help that she was on a heart and breathing monitor after failing the sleeping test at the hospital.  But, I think I would have felt the way I did with or without that constant reminder of the risk of loving someone so much.  

I have always been a slow beginner.  My Earth Space science teacher in high school told my parents, "Melissa is what I call a slow starter, but now she's doing great!"  Give me a minute and I can kick ass and take names at almost anything, but early on ... I'm pensive, hesitant and proceed cautiously.  It was this way with motherhood in the beginning too.

I lacked the wisdom and foresight to realize those early years as a mom are difficult for everyone, but also precious and over in the blink of an eye.  I look back on the young mom I was and wish she could have relaxed and enjoyed that precious moment in time especially since Katelyn turned out to be my only child.   With four short years at home left, I am preparing myself for the long goodbye.  I allow myself to have sympathy for the woman I was when I had a newborn, but I still wish she'd known better and trusted herself more.  I wish she had known how good being a mom would get as that baby became a fun little girl.

I have thrived as a mom since Kate was old enough to have a real conversation.  At around 4, I hit my groove as a mom and have enjoyed the ride since.  Katelyn is my dream child.  She is my favorite topic of conversation.  I always thought that your husband is supposed to be the love of your life and my love for my husband is indeed beyond what I knew existed before him, but your child...my daughter... she's the love of my life!  Every love before her was selfish and self-serving.  I only thought I loved well before her.  

That's not to say my daughter is perfect.  I get my fair share of eye rolls.... the look that says, 'mom, you are sooo not cool.'  And her early middle school years broke my heart again and again.  It was the first time I couldn't fix her hurts.  It was the first time I saw her experience real, deep down sadness and feared what would be for her.  While she is doing beyond well now, I know there will be many long nights in my future knowing that moms can't fix everything.  In fact, it’s better if we let our kids fix them or let them learn to accept the hard times as part of what helps them become who they are made to be.

Kate is bold.  She is what my husband has always called me, 'a fighter of injustice.'  She gets as angry as I do knowing something is happening that should NOT.  Kate is beautiful.  When she was little, she looked just like me.  Everyone called her my 'mini-me.'  Now she looks more like my husband and is becoming more of a blend of the two of us.  Kate is an old soul.  I have conversations with her that make me forget she's 14, not 21 or 41.  Yet... she's still a kid.  I know this when she tries to get by with fibbing about chores and won't look me in the eye.  I know it when I wake her up in the morning and she wants me to get in bed with her and cuddle.  There's still a little girl inside that growing teenager.

What's it like to be a teenager in 2019?  There are definitive ways its more difficult.  They didn't do shooting drills when I was in school and our teenagers have been doing them since elementary school.  Our politics are much like the tumultuous 1960s and they are bombarded with information and images on their phones.  Social media extends the social politics after hours.  But, some things never change about being a teen like the need to have a space to call your own, close the door, dance it out or to just ... be ... still.

In some ways, our teenagers need a Happy Place more than we do.  They face a lot of stress and anxiety in both their academic work and the social mind field that is middle and high school.  Mean girls have cell phones now!  We all went through those challenging years and there was nothing better than coming home and closing the door to the outside world at least for a little while.

Kate is Boho to my Classic design sense.  She's warm yellows and soft pinks to my love of green, blue or even better...teal!  Her room is a reflection of her free spirit and everything she loves, including Timothee Chalamet, Kurt Cobain, and To Kill A Mockingbird.  One of her most prized possessions is a picture of the actress who played Scout, Mary Badham, laying on the lap of Gregory Peck who played the epic role of Atticus Finch.  She still tells me all the time that if she has a son, there is no doubt she will name him Atticus.  A poster above her bureau came out of an album my sister gave her; it’s a black and white of John Lennon at a white piano.  Like I said, she’s an old soul.  

Kate has a TV in her room, but it’s rarely on except during the holidays when she has Christmas movies on 24/7.  She has an X-box too, but most of the time she is all cozied up reading in her little window cubby.  She started reading at 4, but there was a period of time in late elementary school when she stopped reading much for pleasure.  A couple of years ago, she started reading all the time and I'm so grateful she knows and loves the escape and pleasure of reading.

Kate’s love of California, anything retro, and family are abundant in her Happy Place.  Her California postcards from our vacation last year to the bay area are on a corkboard with a printed out image of ‘Hyde’ from That 70s Show, along with a picture of my mom on her wedding day and a handwritten note she got from my father. Why shouldn’t Kurt Cobain, Gregory Peck, and her grandpa be together?  She combines these people as they are in her heart … all together making her happy.  

Kate loves earthy things like lavender, dried flowers, succulents, colorful crystals, rocks and a yellow butterfly in a little glass bottle.  Much like her mom, she loves a badass that’s not afraid to stand out so Stevie Nicks appearing on the cover of the Rumours album is displayed on a shelf.  An antique camera and her new polaroid are laid out with pride as well.  You can see the old soul Kate is throughout.  I can almost picture her first apartment!

In a rather large room, Kate actually spends most of her time in the little window cubby listening to music and reading.  It’s the kind of space I would love to have had when I was her age.  Her window looks out above the neighborhood, her world still small, while she dreams of a bigger life somewhere else. And at the same time, a ceramic moon is hung above her window that once hung above her crib.  That’s the thing with being a teenager.  You long to grow up, but you’re constantly reminded of the child you still are.  

The days of knowing Katelyn is upstairs in her room are growing shorter each day. The Saturdays of running over to Target and spending $75 on nothing we need won’t last forever.  The drives in the car when she opens up in ways she never does any other time are numbered.  The moments I spend looking at Kate and wondering how she got so incredibly beautiful and uniquely poised…will go on as long as I am breathing.  

I can’t wait to watch this young woman go out into the world and do so many of the things I was afraid to do and more.  I long to see Kate live bigger than her dad and I dreamed possible.  But, for now, I’ll enjoy knowing she’s upstairs in her room, reading a book, talking to her boyfriend, or looking out the window dreaming about her future . . . beneath the ceramic moon I picked out when she was a twinkle in my eye.

[papermoth-bird-blog]

San Francisco: The setting sun.

Early morning in San Francisco, might be one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced. Especially in the quite of the Sunset district, which is the more “boring” part of town in which a lot of immigrant families have settled. The houses, though more simple in decoration than the Haight-Ashbury district, are still painted in all sorts of beautiful colours- many of them pastel tones; pinks, baby blues, pale greens & yellows. Walking in the empty streets of the region alone in the warm reflection of the houses has to be a version of heaven. At the very least, it would be an excellent location for a Sophia Coppola film- or girl gaze photo shoot (looking at you Ali).

My friend Asa’s friend Carolina lives in the sunshine district & that’s where I ended up staying on my second night in San Fran. The area has plenty of Chinese restaurants- that I wish I could say I went to, but alas, I didn’t. Apparently it’s some of the best Chinese food outside of China. I’ll have to make a point of going next time I’m in San Fran.

When I awoke at the hostel, I moved pretty quickly- packing everything away & hurrying down to get breakfast. Honestly, I loved the hostel & would be totally keen to stay there again. It’s the right amount of people, so you can be as social or as lonesome that you’d like without it being weird. It also just generally has good vibes. Plus the breakfast was included- so you know I tried to eat a days worth of food all in the morning to save monies. Although it is in the Tenderloin- which is where all the homeless people got pushed into when aggressive gentrification came and swept the city. After breakfast, I decided to check my bags there & pick them up later since I was already downtown. I left the building without even glancing at a map- happy to exploring in the way of getting terribly & wonderfully lost. Over the course of this trip I’ve become so comfortable & confident in doing so. I think part of my previous distress with the city is being inherently nervous there- so many people, so much to pay attention to in order to navigate it properly/safely. In working through my personal anxiety, I’ve also been able to inadvertently mend my relationship with cities themselves. That being said- I think I still have a country heart & will always crave place that don’t require shoes. Spending time in cities has been really good for me in a way I didn’t expect. I am happy for it.

I wandered through much of the city- first starting off conservatively in the flatter neighbourhoods; the mission, the Castro. Kluane said one of the things I must do is visit the Tartarine Bakery- one of her favourites in the entire world. By happy coincidence I stumbled upon it during my wandering. The line up was around the block- so you know it had to be good. Like everything in Sa Fran, it was a little expensive- but I got some small little bits in a box & took it with me to eat in a near by park. My favourite little bit was the raspberry meringue with cacao nibs. SOOO good. Not too sweet, wild texture. In the line, I heard some pretty funny conversations that showed the heart of San Francisco. The lady in front of me spoke loudly about the tenants of Eastern European Clowning. Others spoke about the odd theatre projects they hoped to get off the ground somehow. There was died hair & texture & wild patterns in the get-ups. I was starting to feel really good about it all.

After I finished eating (& drinking my Komboucha—which I promptly sent a review of to Ryan) I wandered over to Ashbury Heights.  Hands down this is the most famous part of San Francisco. Complete with colourful “painted lady” Victorians, winding hills & people wearing outfits straight out of the late 60s. Haight street is the main hub of the area. I have to say, Haight probably has some of the best vintage stores I’ve ever been to. I’m not gonna lie.. In one store (that was gathered like a library of vintage, sorted by year) I had tears gathering in my eyes. The clothing there were each individual works of art. I spent a good chunk of time studying the hats stacked high to the ceiling, and then the beaded gowns from the 20’s. Again, all these things inspiring so many ideas for future themed parties & White Rabbit. I don’t have much room in my pack (or money for that matter), but I couldn’t leave without buying some beautiful silk scarves- so I could play the part of 50s femme fatale. I also found some really beautiful old postcards from San Fran, which I added to my collection.

The area is also home to some really fun cafes & great record shops. I partially wished I could have spent more time there, but I was craving the park. I wandered over to Golden Gate park which was near by. As I basked in the sun, looking at the fresh tree blossoms, I heard bongo drums carrying over the wind. In those moments, I felt the echoe of the 60s in such a real way. I picked some pear blossoms & stuck them in my hair, nestled under by new blue silk scarf & found a low twisted tree to settle into. I sat in the tree for what felt like forever, looking out over the hills towards the Spanish church steeples & the Golden Gate bridge peeking out over the city haze. I breathed deeply, basking in my peaceful lonesome thoughts. It felt so good to be my myself again. I thought of friends & home, and what it would take to make me feel more grounded there going forward. I feel so much more prepared to be steadfast in what I wanted in my life, the things I would no longer tolerate because they would not allow me to live in the peace I crave. I learned a lot about that through my inner turmoil in the Gopala situation. I talked to my friend Stephanie (who had just been in San Fran a few months back). We talked about the beautiful Botanical gardens in the park, but also exchanged some brief life updates.

Not long after that, as I wove on down the path from the hilltop of Beuno Vista park, the sole of my shoe (on my favourite fringe-toes boots) fell off. So I hobbled along with my sole flopping around like cartoon character. Despite my slight distress over the situation, I still had some stuff I wanted to do, so I continued wandering- albeit at a more manageable pace for my failing footwear.

I got myself back over to the mission area in search of a burrito. For some reason, there seemed to be a lot of pumpkins about- sat out on front porches of the colourful houses. Don’t know entirely what that was about- maybe its pumpkin season insanely early in Cali (doesn’t entirely seem sensicle to me), maybe they thrive in the zeitgeist of Halloween?? Anyways, I found the section that is the capital of burritoville. I chose taqueria Cancun- both because it’s supposed to be one of the best & I am heading to Cancun too.. so might as well get prepped. Despite it being massive, I ate the burrito in about two minutes. I have to say- it has got to be one of the best burritos I’ve ever had & I mean that. Pure & simple & perfect little baby sized wrap. After I polished off that baby off, I stumbled over to get my pack from the hostel.

In a series of unfortunate mis-understandings, I accidentally took an uber over to perhaps the sketchiest parts of the whole Bay area. Two hours later though, I found myself at Carolina’s in the quiet of the Sunset district- ready to crash on that basment couch. I had some quick conversations with the roommates- queer artist types- and then went to bed.

I woke in the early morning, before anyone else in the house. I went to the downtown area to a place called Mel’s diner to meet an old friend I knew in High School. My partial motivation for this, was to get more content for my friend’s diner instagram account. Seeing Monica was so nice. We were not particularly close in high school, but took all four years of visual arts together. She’s been living in California on and off for the last 5 years or so. Originally she was living in the mountains of Santa Cruz & found a really lovely community out there. Eventually, San Francisco lured her in. She told me of the awesome non-profit she first worked for, but eventually the astounding living costs forced her into the tech sector. She enjoys her job at a video game company, but after studying art history & global development, I think her heart still craves work in that area. We talked about how San Francisco’s tech boom is making it impossible for artists to stay here, creating work. Most of them have been pushed out to Oakland, but even Oakland is seeing such rapid gentrification, it is making it quite difficult for artists to stay- let alone continue to show their work. The same is happening in many other west coast art hubs like Portland & Seattle. Of course, once the artists leave, San Francisco will die in the ways it was. Which is terribly sad- confirming it is no longer the city of love it once was in decades past. For the moment, there are still glimpses of it though, and I hope to be back while it still exists in this manner.  It was nice seeing Monica & see her doing so well now, even though she will likely soon have to leave San Francisco too. She definitely inspired me to go back to Santa Cruz for longer next time- there are some cool land projects & anarchist communities out there she thought I’d really jive with. She also told me about some cool farms in Big Sur. I can’t wait to get back there with my sisters. Monica was bullied in High school and it makes me so happy & relieved knowing that she found peace and acceptance away from Toronto. Giving me added hope for love & harmony around the world.

I walked Monica to work (she often has to work 7 days a week to make enough hours to get by- which is insane to her too). After that, I wandered by myself again- as it is my very favourite activity. I walked along the piers- that is to say for a few hours. I slowly made my way towards the golden gate bridge. I eventually got to the park just past the maritime museum in the fisherman’s warf. It was there that I got a message from my best friend Kluane. “Is it okay if I call you” she said. Of course, we often try and chat on the phone, but I had a feeling in that moment it was something important. I crossed my arms & called her in Winnipeg. She picked up right away & hurried into it. It echoed a call I had with my father last fall. She asked me if it was a good time to hear some difficult news. I mean I was in public, but once hearing that sentence it’s hard to delay hearing it anyways. Plus, I heard in her tone she needed to talk about something really important too.

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Danielle Moore.

As I looked out over the Golden Gate Bridge, Klu gently let me know that our friend Danielle Moore was on a flight heading to Kenya for a UN conference. She continued that the plane had gone down & there had been no survivors. I could hear the shock in her voice still. I didn’t even really notice that I had started crying. After a relatively short chat, we hung up the phone & agreed to talk soon. I spent the next half hour crying in that park alone- trying my best not to full out sob loudly- I don’t know how effective I was in that effort.

I met Danielle in university. In second year we had been nextdoor neighbours- living in twin houses Victorian houses. Due to the fact that they looked exactly the same, we our separate friend group inadvertently often waltzed right into the other’s apartments. Once, Danielle’s partner so far as walked into my roommate’s room, only then realizing he was in the wrong place. During warmer months, both of our house hold would spend days drawing in chalk on the sidewalks outside & strumming ukelele’s & doing crafts. We went to eachother’s house parties. A year or so later, we found our paths crossing even more often, trading often on BUNZ & finding ourselves at a lot of the same events. Danielle had some of the most brilliant optimism & energy I’d ever witnessed. She tirelessly worked towards making the world a better place- widely diversifying her causes. She was honestly so inspiring & hands down one of the friendliest people I’ve ever met. I know a lot of people say that about people that have passed away. I can’t emphasize how true it was; Is. If Danielle was still here, the same things would still be said. I am in a state of absolute shock. I know the wider community is too.

As Klu said, it just seems so wholly unfair, that something so horrible would happen like that- especially to Danielle. There is no making sense of it. Kluane & Danielle had become really close over the last year- as they had both been living in Winnipeg. When Leon, Klu’s brother was to visit after Klu returned to Winnipeg (after meeting us in Mexico), they had made plans to go skating all together. My heartbreaks for her in such a really way too. She’s been doing her very best to honour Danielle in anyway she can & has been spearheading a ritual for all of Danielle’s loved ones across the world. I am doing my best to support that goal, despite my physical distance.

After my good public sob-fest, I called my sister on the phone to tell her. I decided to by my ticket back to LA there & then. I wanted to be around someone I knew, even just to be there quietly next to them. Having family near-ish felt like a good option for me. I soon texted Mia that I would be coming back earlier than expected.

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I still owed Gopala money from our roadtrip up the coast. I met up with him & tried my best to be brief. He told me he had been worried about me. I told him I was sorry, but that I had really needed to be alone for the past day & had purposely not been looking at my phone. I also briefly mentioned the news I had just learned about Danielle. He said some swift thing like “Well remember what Krishna told Arjuna, when Arjuna expressed his fear of his friends dying”. The thing is I knew. I still know. I haven’t lost that picture. I have better tools now, and do not feel the urge to fall apart like I did when my cousin died (although even then I managed not to). Ellie’s death was perhaps the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through in my entire life. And I am surviving that. It has prepared me for so much, including Danielle’s horrible death. I kinda wanted to smack him… just a little. Okay, maybe just pinch him a little. I just feel huge resentments towards people who speak to me like I am being some overdramatic-woman-type creature. As if being upset at my friend’s death was an overreaction of some sort (I had resolved my composure at this point).  As if I was some person that needed to be lulled back into a rational state of mind. In fact, I think I am quite good at that- the key being that I allow myself to fully feel my feelings through a purge of emotion. I guess it’s not my buisness what other people’s opinions of me are. Their opinions are only a reflection of their own inner psyche. So, I learned in that moment not to give single shit about what he thought & do whatever I needed to do to feel okay.

Danielle wasn’t in my everyday anymore, though, I suppose she had been for a few years. I cannot imagine the heart pain of the people that were so deeply intertwined with hers. For Kluane who did have her in her everyday. For her partner Colby, who had had her in his everyday for so so so many years at this point. I have such fond memories of Colby & Danielle doing goofy sung duets- Colby occasionally pulling out his Kermit the frog puppet. They had hosted countless potlucks gathering the community throughout university & beyond. My heartaches for her family. How absolutely horrible & out of the blue. She had flown so many times- travelling all around the country with her job. There is just no making sense of it, even though I am still trying for some reason.

I got myself to the bus stop & climbed onto the bus feeling partially numb. I did a pretty good job of not crying- though I still welled up with tears on a semi-regular basis, trying not to freak out the girl that was sitting next to me. I checked in on Klu, who went ahead with performing in her Hip-Hop dance recital- which I am so unbelievably proud of her for. Katie told me that yesterday, a letter arrived for Klu from Danielle. From what I know, the letter contained fairly ordinary, but non-the-less lovely thoughts & dreams. I can’t imagine what getting a letter like that would be like. I do remember how scared I was went they first found Katie’s tumour though. How precious it was to have time to process all of it. With Danielle’s passing, there was non of it.

I got into LA & after a rather fumbly uber ride, I found myself on the couch of my uncles house yet again. In the morning, Tom woke me up & asked if I wanted to do yoga on the  beach with Mia & him. Of course I said yes. I feel more grounded now that I have the tools do deal with all these emotional difficulties. But I can’t help have my mind wander over to thoughts of Danielle quite often.

So too, were my thoughts wandering over to the imminent flight I too was supposed to be boarding in order to travel to Mexico. Mia & Tom were both flying out the following day too- and we tried to keep our fear to the minimal, by not talking about it too much.

We were gentle with out last day in LA. We rode those uber scooter’s back and forth between Venice Beach and Santa Monica. I’m glad I finally got to find them- they are so fun. More importantly that gave me that same wholly free feeling I had in riding that rusty old bike around New Orleans. I had a rush of realization with how much I loved LA. Venice Beach in particular. I have such gratitude for the laid back warmth this area provides. It was like a really soft cushion to fall onto after a challenging week.

We ate at swinger’s diner & talked about family dynamics, Danielle & Ellie & about what we would all do in Toronto when we got there. Of course, my thoughts flickered to the fact that that meant more plane rides. I had only extremely recently become completely comfortable with planes after all this time. My flights are already booked though, and I am determined not to have fear steal my wanderlust. Anyways, I miss my sisters. And seeing them means going to Europe.

I caught up with some friends while I walked around Venice beach by myself later that day. Stopping to look at the deep fried oreos that were calling out my name, until I decided to ignore them. I hung out with Tom & Caroline in the apartment for the rest of that evening, as Eric & Mia went out for dinner just the two of them. I passed out on the couch a little cookie drunk. We had been watching Christopher Robin (after it became very clear that Blood Diamond was WAY too violent for me these days). Of course normally I would have been sure to pack my bag meticulously the night before, but in my altered state I chose to fall asleep instead. I resolved to wake early & do it then, meaning I knida rushed it, packing in the dim morning light of Mia’s still darkended bedroom. Tom Left early, then it was me, then Mia left an hour later- all at differet terminals, so I guess it didn’t really matter we weren’t able to hang at the airport together.

In my haste, I forgot to take my grohman pocket knife out of my purse…which I only realized as they searched my bag. The lady at TSA looked at me like I had done it on purpose & was an absolute criminal. She noted it down on my record. I cried. Honestly because that knife meant to much to me & was one of my prized pocessions. I reminded myself there was more important things in the world & that I could always eventually get a new one. But I continued crying a bit anyways- my thoughts drifting along other paths. Danielle. The coming plane ride. My knife. My frustration with myself. But mostly it became about the plane.

After that incident, I pretty well ran through the airport to make the flight, so there wasn’t that much to think afterall. When I got onto the aircraft I forbaid myself from thinking any bad thoughts. “not in here” I repeated internally. I closed my eyes once I was settles & chooed the thoughts out of my brain. Repeating my mantra over and over and over. Somewhere in there I came back into awareness enough to fill out my immigration form.

When I landed in Cancun I was exhausted & downed a whole bag on banana chips out of frustration. I took the bus into Playa del Carmen where Katie was waiting for me. The humidity here struck me immediately. Especially seeing as I had a huge pack & was still wearing my jeans- which seemed wholly reasonable in California, but ridiculous here. Seeing Katie felt unreal. When I saw her face, it was like I came into realization that I was really there- that I had survived my flight & I could enjoy the next couple weeks with my friends.

Katie had offered to stay on the phone with my as I boarded. I was relieved I didn’t need that, although I was grateful for the offer. The past few days we have been scheming ways of supporting Klu on her journey here. Not only is she sure to be exhausted, I understand the fear she is experiencing in getting on the plane. Anything we can do to help her, Katie & I are determined to carry out.

For right now, for me, that looks like doing some of the footwork of contacting some of the organizations Danielle was a part of to inform them of the ritual. And also check on Klu and do my best to support her in these moments- though I know she’s thrown herself fully into planning (which she thrives in anyways). I don’t know what support will look like here in Mexico, but we will have to play it by ear. We will only be able to tell when it happens. All I know is that during a time like this, it’ll be so nice to have some of my best friends all together again.

[uservillanelle]

Killing Eve ― 3x03 (Review)

Alriiight clowns, who’s ready for some 3x03 discussion? I don’t even remember how many times I’ve seen the episode already, but there are still some points I’d like to point out/talk about. So let’s get started!

Andalusia

As bad as it sounds, I enjoy seeing Villanelle do her job. It’s exactly where the show can show off some really incredible places in the world and of course explore different, creative ways of killing someone. However, this time in particular I don’t think it was realistic enough the way they did it. I mean, what kind of strength does Villanelle need to have in order to throw the tuning fork like that and instantly kill a person? You’d think it would take a lot more effort to have the tuning fork pierce human skull. No? 

Anyways, another thing is the nanny that Villanelle also killed. I believe only the pianist was her target, since she appeared to be rather taken aback by hearing the baby’s cries through the baby monitor. She didn’t expect anyone else to be in the house. She could’ve easily left without anyone seeing her, but she didn’t. “You really like that baby, huh? It’s not even yours.” So this kind of explains why she killed the nanny, since the baby wasn’t hers? But then again... I think this scene was needed for her to be able to take the baby and eventually this thing would escalate into her need to find her family. 

The Bathroom

Carolyn and Mo are analysing the circumstances of Kenny’s death. And what’s better way to do it than in a bathtub? Classic Carolyn. This reminds me of Villanelle’s “I have a thing for bathrooms, actually.” One of the recurring themes that the show expresses in such a natural way. 

The fact that the head of MPS still claims that it was suicide despite the lack of note or motivation. Makes me wonder just how many more cases like these are marked as ‘suicide’ when in reality there’s a lot more to the story to uncover. KE is really into all this shady stuff, hm?

Eve is SO done with Carolyn this season. She deserves it though, after betraying Eve but it is just so satisfying for me, at least, to watch them interact with this new formed dynamic. It’s refreshing that Eve was in a way replaced by Mo, who now is basically Carolyn’s assistent and not Eve. She did make her point for not wanting to work for Carolyn anymore, so she found someone else, while Eve is still active and in the game, just in her own way. Gotta love independent Eve Polastri.

Meetings Have Biscuits

Eve is really taking charge this season, not gonna lie. She basically set up this whole meeting, invited Jamie (whose name I constantly keep forgetting) and even ordered everybody on what they should be doing since neither Carolyn nor Jamie showed the initiative to work with one another. “You can have a biscuit when you tell me what the point of you is.” GOLDEN LINE!! I don’t usually agree with Carolyn, but YES! I’m not really sure what is Jamie’s role here. You can have Bear, who already helped to solve the rubbik cube’s puzzle while Jamie did what, exactly? I have a bad feeling about him but I’m not going to say it just yet... in case I’m wrong and do I hope I am.

Young mother with baby and grandma

I absolutely ADORED this scene in all ways. We got to see Villanelle interact with an actual baby without her doing any harm to him! That’s a rare gem we might not get to see again, so let’s appreciate it! Not only that but we got to see A BABY interact with A BABY. Villanelle’s a literal child and I love her to pieces. 

Ever since Villanelle found out that Eve’s alive she’s been back on her BS just like Dasha said and apparently it’s been DAYS. “What got into you?” So.. Dasha doesn’t know that Villanelle knows about Eve. Meaning Dasha is not communicating with Konstantin and probably doesn’t know about Eve. Then again, last episode she and Villanelle did have a talk about how she can’t go down the same road again. So is Dasha pretending not to know what’s going on or she truly isn’t aware?

Villanelle gets her next postcard. It’s London. She freaks out and we all know exactly why. Yeah, it’s like, WE also should be freaking out about it because Villanelle will be going to London in episode 3. Eve and Villanelle usually got her first reunion in episode 5 in previous seasons. So it does feel too soon and that’s exactly what Villanelle says next. “I’m not ready! How about that?” Of course she needs to prepare first. She’s extra like that. Not only she says it but she is actually nervous and her body language is TOO loud about it. 

This brings me to my next point... Dasha sees just how much of a mess Villanelle is and proceeds to “encourage” her once she hears that she’s not ready. “All you need is anorak and a face like cheese”. Okay, hear me out. Last episode Dasha and Villanelle were having a conversation about Felix and how Villanelle will have to “guide” him, encourage him and make him believe that he “can be good”. This is exactly what she’s doing with Villanelle now, or am I seeing things? Last time Villanelle picked up on that, this time she doesn’t because she’s too invested in thinking about Eve and preparation. Then she agrees with Dasha and we see her give this sort of satisfying look which only indicates just how twisted she is. I mean she can’t be that stupid to not realize why Villanelle is the way she is... and STILL encourage her to go to London. Like.. I’m sure The Twelve has many more assassins up their sleeve so why not send someone else to London instead? No. It has to be Villanelle for the show’s sake. It has to be Villanelle because EVE is there and the idea of the Twelve possibly wanting to recruit Eve keeps appealing to me more and more... this might not be the case at all but why would both sides keep setting Eve and Villanelle up even after they seemed to be “over” one another?

On a lighter note, Dasha placing the baby in the trash bin is the most hilarious thing I’ve seen. INCLUDING Villanelle’s reaction. Sooo damn good, but it didn’t seem like anyone saw Dasha do it at first. It’s only later when someone heard the baby crying, people showed up. This show man.. there’s nothing else like KE in television and it’s a fact.

Eve

Let me just start with “But before I go on, you have to understand that once I tell you about them, your lives are in danger.” “Then don’t tell us.” “They’re called The Twelve.” Eve’s really not giving a shit about anything as it seems LMAO! I mean, at least she gave them a warning beforehand? This is yet another recurring trait of Eve’s. She doesn’t care about other’s needs except her own. It happened plenty of times back in S2 and it happened in this season. For example when she called Kenny and asked about the drinks and as soon as she got the answer she needed from him, she hung up not giving a chance for Kenny to say anything. Then now, and the way she treated Mo once she asked if he could trace the Geneva account for them. This reminds me of a scene in S2 where Eve basically ordered Kenny to help her find Villanelle by saying “you work for me.” This is exactly what she’s doing with Mo now. “Did you take this job thinking it would be easier? If you did. quit now. Cause it’s only getting tougher.” This is her own way of manipulation and getting what SHE wants. She even did it with Villanelle back in 2x05 when she asked for her help while interrogating the ghost. She did it and basically had to ASK Eve for a ‘thank you’ which wasn’t even genuine from Eve’s part. It’s not the best thing to have or do... yet I’m not sure if Eve is even aware of what she’s doing or when she does it. Hopefully it won’t cause major trouble further into the story. Hopefully.

The time has finally come. Eve is finally beginning to realize and hopefully accept her feelings for Villanelle. I’m not saying she was in denial before, but more like avoiding the topic in general. Until this episode. I mean the sexual tension between her and Villanelle whenever they meet and especially in this episode was WAY too strong for her to handle and she went for it. She went for the kiss which, can mean a million things, like Sandra mentioned in one recent interview. It can mean she went for it to catch Villanelle off guard, it can mean that she simply gave into the temptation... and accepted the fact that yes, she IS attracted to the assassin and this way unlocked this very personal character journey we are about to see. After meeting Villanelle she still went to the office and all she said was “I don’t want to talk about it.” Clearly it all was too much for her, as it was FOR US, so it’s understandable. But when she came back home and got instantly paranoid, thinking Villanelle was there just got me thinking of just how big of an effect does Villanelle have on Eve. She definitely caught Villanelle’s strong scent there... and then the recording. Sure, she was scared and angry and at first turned it off ASAP. But something changed soon afterwards... something that made her turn the recording back on and bring it to her ear... and close her eyes while taking in Villanelle’s voice. She IS admitting and she DOES wish Villanelle was there. This was a moment where she had time to process everything on her own without anyone else around her. She needed this... and the reveal is just so delicious. I’m sure we all know how the episode really ended, huh?

Now that the reunion happened and Eve found out that Niko apparently discharged himself from the fascility and moved back to Poland, I’m very intrigued to see just how much will Eve and Niko’s dynamic change. Will she still try to get Niko to come back? Try to convince him that there is still a chance for the two of them? Or is she only going to visit him to tie the loose ends and be done with the guy? I do think that the kiss and the meeting itself changed things for her so I cannot wait to see just how her and Niko’s relationship will escalate/end. Niko, on the other hand, is still pretty much UNSTABLE and he’ll cause trouble. I’m telling right now. This is no good so I hope Eve will leave him as soon as she comes and be done with him since she DOES deserve better than him, too.

The Accountant

First, I’m actually glad Suzanne decided to dive deeper into the core of The Twelve. Last season we didn’t really get enough of information about them and this one seems to be way more focused on it. Meaning the story is moving forward. And by story I mean the actual plot. 

Sergei Korchmarev. AKA Charles Kruger. As far as I understood he was the one to stole 6 million euros from the Twelve WHILE working for them? He did that and then asked Konstantin to get him the money to “buy him some time” to find the “scoundrel”. So 6 million wasn’t enough for him, hm? Why do I have a feeling he’s been stealing the money for something bigger than his own greed? It has to be for something “bigger” but then again, guess we won’t be able to find out as Villanelle blew his brains out. 

Again, both Konstantin and Carolyn knew him so that makes me even more suspicious. They seem to be working on different sides now but who knows really? This whole thing just keeps me on my toes, as it should but I want to know a bit more of this whole situation. We are left in the dark and we’ve been there for the past two seasons.

Villanelle

Villanelle in the perfume shop is the definition of a drama queen. Period. The way she described the custom scent she’d like was so captivating and telling. Like, she knew exactly what she wanted and that’s power. Smelling like Roman centurion means smelling like power. “I want to make people gag with it.” It has to be THAT strong, she wants people to know just how much strength she’s carrying, but most importantly Eve. “Well, we have some lovely floral fragrances for ladies over here.” “Maybe I should describe to you what I’m thinking.” OF COURSE he had to suggest some “lovely floral fragnance for LADIES” which is the complete opposite of what Villanelle describes next. So the overly too big suit that she chose to dress to meet Eve should have that very scent sshe was talking about. After all, she does see herself as a warrior.

I wonder if them throwing a baby in this episode is the only reason for Villanelle to have this need to find her family. Sure, Konstantin hinted last season that some members of her family are still alive and right now he doesn’t seem too keen on helping Villanelle find them. Though, knowing that she will be going to Russia in 3x05 means that Konstantin, or someone else, will find out about the location of her family memebers in next episode. It should really be interesting because we haven’t seen Villanelle interact with ANY family members before. Plus... I have a feeling they will force for OKSANA to come to the surface yet again and I am here for it. 

I can’t help but point out, yet again, that after receiving the postcard, Villanelle went to London to buy perfume in preparation for the reunion with Eve, then went to the toy’s shop where she bought a talking bear and a very adorable bear shirt for herself and THEN went to meet Eve. Only afterwards all that she actually went after her target, which should be the main reason why she was in London in the first place. Love comes first for Villanelle. Job after. That’s ironic, because the previous two seasons everything was about JOB for Eve. She let her marriage fall into pieces but she didn’t stop working and obsessing over Villanelle.

Can we just appreciate Villanelle in police officer’s uniform? I mean... she can kill whoever the hell she wants if she will be wearing that. Almost makes me want to be arrested by a cop lmao!!

The bus scene

It’s been over 4 days since the episode came out and I STILL cannot believe we got a villaneve reunion AND A KISS!! Like... I was worried the scene would be too random and I didn’t want that. It was random. That’s why it was so surprising for all of us, because we couldn’t expect them to meet so soon and on a bus. There were no indications we will see them meet and that worked really well.

At the same time I feel like if we cut out the bus scene from the episode, the main plot wouldn’t be affected. This scene could easily be replaced with another one while this one could be thrown in next episode or have them meet in second episode if they found out about each other during the premiere. That’s why I don’t like that aspect... I wish the scene was there because it was NEEDED to be in that episode at that time, you know? It’s only about the placement. I wonder why they decided to include it in this particular episode. 

Other than that the scene itself was PERFECT!! I made a separate in depth post/anaylsis of the scene HERE in case you haven’t read it yet! 

Carolyn

I’m soo glad that we’re finally seeing more of Carolyn investigating things openly for us, viewers. The previous two seasons we barely saw anything she did because she was THAT private and had so many secrets we could only wonder what the hell she’s thinking or doing. Now, though... we can see she’s working on Kenny’s case and is actually trying to solve this mystery surrounding his death. That includes her setting up the meeting with one of her former lovers, Henrik, to find out about the Geneva account. 

Now, I was soo sure Villanelle would go after her so I kind of was prepared to lose Carolyn or have her escape somehow. None of that happened, though they did make us worry for a minute or two during which Carolyn wasn’t moving and had blood/bruises on one side of her head. Again, Villanelle is THAT extra to go through the trouble to nearly shoot Carolyn only to get to the accountant. And we actually got to see Carolyn fearing for her life despite having met Villanelle several times. She knew what Villanelle was capable of so the aftermath of this helped us see that she indeed had feelings but often decided to ignore/avoid them and this way stay in denial. “I’m fine” says a woman who looks like a mess and is shaking at the same time. It’s okay to admit things, Carolyn. 

Overall Thoughts

The first two episodes were there to set the entire plot up, including Eve and Villanelle find out about one another and now that they know... shit’s going down and this episode was definitely the strongest one this season so far. This is very promising since the episode was written by Laura Neal, who will be the showrunner for S4! 

We got to see plenty of action, funny moments, AT LEAST 6 different Villanelle outfits and we got a moment with her and actual baby. PLUS VILLANEVE KISS!! What else could we want?! 

As always, if any of you guys have any predictions/thoughts on previous or future episodes don’t hesitate to ask/message me about them so we could chat and discuss our favorite show together! Thank you guys for reading and see during the review for 3x04 next week!!!