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imaginetonyandbucky · 4 years ago

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The Buy In

Chapter 4: 404 File Not Found

by @dracusfyre

Over the next few weeks Bucky did start to get hints of Stark’s criminal operations, at least the ones that were easy to see: the illegal gambling dens, knockoff designer bags and sunglasses, the chop shops that picked up and moved every two weeks. This was the stuff that they already knew about, though, and so far Bucky hadn’t been able to directly link Stark to any of it. Learning that Stark had an accountant was the biggest break he’d had so far, but despite his best efforts he hadn’t gotten even the hint of a name. He was so lost in thought trying to figure out a way to get deeper into Stark’s organization that he didn’t even notice that KT had stopped walking until he was already several steps away.

“What’s up?” he asked and followed KT’s gaze to the park bench where someone was sleeping, an overflowing shopping cart pulled up next to them.

“Stay here,” KT said, and went over to the bench. As Bucky watched, he squatted next to the bench. He must have said something because the person startled awake and sat up, scooting away from him. Now that the person was sitting up, Bucky could see that it was an older woman, gray hair waving in the wind. KT remained crouched, hands up, still talking. He was there long enough that Bucky looked around for a place to sit, but before he could find a seat KT handed her something and walked away. KT had his phone out and was talking on it by the time he got back to where Bucky was waiting, so Bucky walked in silence until KT hung up.

“Who was that?” he asked as KT put his phone away, looking over his shoulder at where the old woman was pushing her cart somewhere else.

“Social worker,” KT answered. “Boss keeps one on retainer.”

“Retainer?”

“Yeah. She works for the city, but the Boss pays her extra to handle the cases he sends her way. Anna there,” he said, gesturing towards the old woman, “refused to go to the shelter so I told Ms. Walker to have someone come talk to her, see if they can get her some help.” Bucky managed to not roll his eyes, though he wanted to, but he must have made some kind of noise because KT looked up at him and said, “What?”

“Nothing,” Bucky said, but KT put a hand on his arm and pulled him to a stop right there on the sidewalk.

“No, we’re going to talk about this. You’ve had an attitude whenever I talk about the Boss since you started, and I’m tired of it. Say what you want to say.”

“I just don’t get why you really believe all that stuff, about Tony Stark being in it for a little guy. ‘The mob boss with a heart of gold,’” Bucky said sarcastically. “I mean, a social worker? Really? Head start programs, scholarships, small business loans, the whole line about kicking out drug dealers - it’s all bullshit. He’s just got a hell of a PR team.”

“And there it is. I knew this was coming. You new guys are all the same.” KT gave him a scornful look. “Look, belief is for things that you don’t know are true, so no, I don’t believe all that stuff. I know it.” He took his jacket off and pulled up the sleeve on his left arm; the inside of his forearm and elbow were scarred with track marks. “My name wasn’t Kenton when I was born, it was Katie,” he said. “My parents let me stay until I was eighteen, then they kicked me out on my birthday. I spent two years on the streets, and I was one of the first people in that rehab center when it reopened. The sweet deal I mentioned that you get at the 90 day mark? It's a rent-controlled apartment and a job. With benefits, no less. Haven’t been back on the bullshit since, and now the Boss is paying for me to get a degree in social work.”

Bucky was stunned. “That’s insane,” he said as KT put his jacket back on. “I don’t…people aren’t like that in real life.”

“Yeah, that’s what they say,” KT said with a snort, and turned to keep walking. “But I think that assholes want you to think that everyone is an asshole deep down; that way you don’t get mad at them for being assholes. Because if people knew that there were good guys, like really good guys like the Boss, then no one would put up with the assholes anymore. You get me?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said faintly. “It’s just…”

“I know. I had a hard time believing it, too. Kept waiting for the other shoe to fall, you know? Like, no one gives away this stuff for free. But then the Boss sat down with a bunch of us and explained the buy-in, and that’s what made me realize he was for real.”

“Is anyone ever going to explain what that means? The buy-in?”

“When you’re ready, the Boss will explain what it means.” As they walked, KT pointed out small things around the neighborhood that Bucky had noticed but not really paid much attention to: the walls covered with paint that Bucky had assumed was graffiti but was actually street art, commissioned from local high schoolers; sidewalks were power washed with no weeds in the cracks; the space between the sidewalk and the curb often had flowers rather than being a sad patch of dead dirt and litter. No broken windows, no broken street lights, playgrounds with new equipment. It wasn’t like it was suddenly a rich neighborhood, with boutique shops and craft breweries, but it was clean and safe and clearly cared for. Bucky went through the rest of the shift on autopilot, lost in thought.

That night, he couldn’t sleep for thinking about it, so finally he pulled out his computer. He hadn’t done demographic research like this since he’d studied sociology in college, but gradually the picture started to emerge. Census data, crime rates, education statistics, property values, employment rates – they all added up to a picture that was hard to argue with: there was a bubble of prosperity around the neighborhoods that Stark controlled, an effect that faded quickly beyond the de facto edge of his territory.

Bucky closed his laptop slowly and bit his lip. Some of the stuff he’d seen, like helping out the local businesses and the sex workers, could be explained as being good business sense. But for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why a mob boss would care about high school graduation rates and early childhood education. He exhaled and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.

“A criminal philanthropist is still a criminal,” he said to his ceiling. “Right?”

***

As the weather grew cooler, Bucky realized had been working for Stark long enough to have developed something of a routine; he worked with KT during the week, but occasionally swapped out for one of Stark’s other patsani when KT was needed for something else, then on his days off he made his way to the library to make his report to his handlers. Despite what Stark had said about him being a cop when they first met, Stark seemed willing to let him stay on the streets; Bucky figured maybe it had been a test or his idea of a joke. But the sheer normalcy of the routine meant that, despite his best efforts, he had started to relax and let down his guard. He realized just how relaxed he had gotten when he showed up to meet KT for their daily rounds and Happy was there instead, leaning against one of Stark’s cars; his mind raced over the past few days as he felt a pulse of panic that he had screwed up somehow and his cover was blown. “What’s up, Happy?” Bucky said, steps slowing as his blood ran cold.

“New gig tonight,” he said, holding a car door open for Bucky. “You’re going to be the Boss’s bodyguard.” Bucky let out a silent breath and his shoulders relaxed as the spike of fear was replaced by a quick thrill of excitement. This was the opportunity he'd been looking for.

He shrugged carelessly as he got in the car. “Anything I should know?”

“Boss will tell you what you need to know.”

Happy took him back to the garage where he’d met Stark the first time, only this time instead of the grungy mechanic, Stark looked like the Tony Stark, the capital M Mechanic that Bucky had expected to see then. He was wearing a tailored Tom Ford three piece suit, charcoal grey over a crimson collared shirt, and his jaw was clean shaven except for his trademark Van Dyke beard. He was talking to a Black man with a military bearing, but when he saw them come in he gave them a blinding smile that made Bucky’s heart skip a beat. While Bucky tried to process that unexpected development Tony pushed his glasses to the top of his head and studied Bucky with eyes that were sparkling with humor, like he'd just heard a joke he was eager to share.

“Hey, copper,” he said as Bucky approached. “New job for you. I’ve got a black tie event to go to and I need someone to watch my back, so you’re going to be my plus one.”

"Not a cop," Bucky said automatically, then he heard the rest of Stark's sentence. “Wait, plus one? I’m your date?” he said before he could stop himself.

That surprised a laugh out of Stark. The curl of his smile got sultry and intimate, and he stepped closer to Bucky, who could only stare and swallow thickly, frozen in place. “Do you want to be, Blue Eyes?” he murmured, and Bucky got goosebumps as his voice got deep and smooth. The humor in Stark's eyes turned into flicker of interest as the moment stretched like hot taffy and a denial failed to manifest. Bucky bit his lip as Stark swayed closer, and his breath stalled in his lungs Stark’s gaze flicked down to his mouth and then back up. This close, he could tell that Stark was a few inches shorter than him; if he tilted his head down and Stark tilted his head up, they could be-

“Tony,” Stark’s friend said quellingly, breaking the tension. “Stop teasing the poor man.”

Stark inhaled sharply, as if he’d forgotten they weren’t alone, and took a step back. The glasses came back down over his eyes, and by the time he turned to face his friend, the laughing smile was back in place. “You should have seen his face, Rhodey,” he said, hands in his pockets as he strolled away. “I’ve never seen a person’s brain blue screen so thoroughly before. No, Blue Eyes, you’re not my date, you’re my bodyguard.”

Bucky blew out a breath, feeling shaky for some reason, and rewound the conversation. “Black tie event, you said?” Bucky looked down at his outfit, jeans and a Henley shirt, with his old military issue boots and a jean jacket.

Tony tilted his head towards the back of the garage, not meeting his eyes. “I got your fancy duds in the bathroom back there. And a razor, though I dig the manly stubble.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Rhodey said as Blue Eyes closed the door to the bathroom to get changed.

“Of course,” Tony said, keeping his voice light despite the fact that his nerves were still vibrating like a plucked string. “First of all, it’s objectively hilarious and you know it. Second, photos from this event are going to be all over the internet and I don’t want you or Happy to get that kind of press.” He looked over to see that Rhodey was watching him skeptically. “What?”

“Don’t sleep with the undercover cop.”

“I won’t.”

“Uh huh.” Somehow Rhodey’s skeptical face got more skeptical. “I saw that moment. You guys had a moment.”

“I’m not going to sleep with the undercover cop,” Tony repeated dutifully, wishing Rhodey would drop it. Because there had been a moment, a breathtakingly arousing moment that had felt as fragile as spun glass and as powerful as a hurricane; at any other time with any other person Tony would have chased that moment, that feeling, but the reminder that Blue Eyes was a cop had soured it. Now Tony wished he had a drink to wash the taste of want from his mouth. “Is Happy bringing the car around?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

The pause before Rhodey answered made it clear that he knew what Tony was doing, but instead of calling him out on it he just said, “It’s already out front.”

After a few more minutes, Tony heard the doorknob to the bathroom turning and consciously plastered an easygoing look on his face as Blue Eyes came out. It was good that Tony had a legendary poker face, because seeing Blue Eyes in a fitted suit, clean-shaven with his slightly long hair brushed back from his face, would have broken a lesser bisexual. Shaving made him look ten years younger and drew attention to his full mouth, which was currently frowning in concentration as he tried to fasten his cufflinks one-handed. A rare sense of self-preservation kept Tony from offering to help; he stuffed his hands in his pockets against the urge to reach out and run his fingers along the sharp, smooth line of Blue Eyes’ jaw.

Rhodey must have seen something in Tony’s face or posture that gave away his thoughts, because he said, “Don’t sleep with-“

“Enough, Rhodey,” Tony said under his breath. “Ready, Blue Eyes?” he said more loudly, gesturing towards the door where Happy was waiting. Blue Eyes nodded and followed him, climbing into the front seat next to Happy while Tony sat in the back.

“So where are we going?” Blue Eyes asked, turning around in the seat to look at Tony.

The reminder immediately cheered Tony up. “The Policeman’s Ball,” he said with relish, and got to see Blue Eyes’ brain 404 error for the second time that night.

#tony stark #bucky barnes #tony x bucky #winteriron #no powers au

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sopeloveee · 5 years ago

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Worthy

WARNING⚠️ Mature Themes( self harm, mentions of suicide) member: jung jaehyun (NCT) genre: really angsty, with a fluffy ending! this is actually the first in a while that I’ve written on here, so, please sorry for any mistakes or unclarity kinda just wrote this on a whim, please enjoy💚 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- {3:32pm} Jaehyun finds your razor blades and you come home looking for them.

Jaehyun arrives at your house at 3:32 pm. He had just got finished with dance practice with the other members for the new comeback. You and Jaehyun met in Chicago in a Starbucks, as they were currently there for their tour. You had been living in Chicago for about 2 years at the time, and you had worked in Starbucks as a side job for school. He was the most attractive boy you had ever seen, and you were amazing, both blushing as he ordered for him and a couple of the other members. He walked away that day with your cell number on his receipt and his ears burning red.

“You like her. Don’t you?” Mark asks. “Of course not.” Jaehyun responds quickly. Ears getting redder by the second.

“You are literally lying.” Taeyong hops in. “Your ears are as red as my phone case, so cut the shit and text her when we get back to the arena.”

You guys were 7 months into your relationship now, and you had moved to Korea for dance school and to also be closer to Jaehyun, as he couldn’t stand being across the world from you. You’ve been living there for about 8 months now, and was settled into your nice loft that Jaehyun helped pay for. You had given Jaehyun a spare, telling him to come over whenever he felt free. Him coming over became weekly, weekly became daily so you asked him to move in with you, him lighting up at the idea and immediately saying yes. You’ve been living together for about 6 months now, and you were two years and a month into your relationship. Everything had been going good, Jaehyun was a nice man, he always encouraged you to do your best, he was sweet, handsome; what more could you have asked for?

Though, you had good things going for you, you had one thing that was playing a detrimental role in your life; your severe depression and anxiety. It came hereditarily, so there wasn’t anything you could quite do about it, other than therapy and medication. Some days were okay, some were manageable, and others were just downright bad. Today was one of those days, and you’d had enough. Your dance coach had berated you in front of the whole team, calling you a piece of dead weight and a waste of talent. You are a beautiful mixed girl, not too skinny but not thick either. You had a nice body, and nice soft brown skin. You’d hadn’t told Jaehyun about your depression or anxiety, or the fact that being insulted and looked down upon at your dance school was an almost daily occurrence. And when you did good, your teacher would still give you back-handed compliments or not even say anything. Your teammates were very supporting though, they always told you that you were the best and that you had a lot of talent. Your coach was just a dick.

You, being the only brown-skinned person on your team you were often the center of attention. This caused you to become hard on yourself and you believed that it was always on you, and that you should’ve done better as one of the seniors of the team. Times like these, were times where you were at your lowest, seeking self-harm to rid you of the emotions that you had felt that day. So you settled on cutting today as your source of relaxation. You’d leave straight after practice, wanting to get home and just be in the presence of your favorite person. Some friends patted you on the back and gave you words of encouragement as they saw the frown upon your face right as you were leaving. Back at the house, Jaehyun had gotten himself comfortable, making him something to eat and sitting on the couch to watch whatever he could find on tv. After eating, he went to the bathroom to wash his hands (have you washed your hands today?) and realized that there wasn’t any paper towels left in the bathroom. So, after shaking his hands dry and wiping them on his sweatpants, he heads for the supply closet located next to your bedroom. He reaches for the paper towels on top shelf, and while reaching his large hand lands on a small box that was pushed all the way to the side close to the closet wall. He’d never known there was a box up there, what was the box here for? He was sure you had finished settling in. He thought as he pulls the box down from its hiding place. He opens the box and gasps loudly.

Razor Blades. Broken Pencil Sharpeners. Jaehyun can’t believe it. He cries for the first time in years. He would’ve never thought, that you, Y/N, his world, his inspiration, his soulmate, had been hurting yourself. Jaehyun knew all about self harm, as he had lost a dear friend to something so bad and saddening as suicide. He was in shock, crying loudly as his body lost balance and fell to the ground shaking. How come he had never realized what you were going through, how could he have been so oblivious? The sweatshirts, the cardigans, in 85 degree weather. He had always known your style had leaned towards the more artsy/ 90s side, be he never could have thought the reason you wore such big clothing and long sleeves were to hide any scars that you could’ve been withholding. He loved you with his whole being, why have you never told him about something like this? You never were a burden to him, you could’ve opened up to him about it. He couldn’t imagine what you were going through, everything was just running through his head so fast. He took the box and threw all of the blades out, tearing the house up to make sure you hadn’t hid any someplace else in your home. He goes to the bathroom to run water over his face, and heads towards the bedroom to wait for you there.

Twenty minutes later he hears the front door open, and the floorboards creak as you make your way through the house. You don’t announce your entrance. You don’t call out to him, you head straight to the supply closet. Jaehyun gets up and heads towards you, watching as you take out the step stool and climb to the top. Only to find nothing there, he watches with sad eyes as you frown. You don’t even notice him there, to wrapped in your mind to even think that his sorrowful eyes are watching you. Tears escape his eyes and it’s only until he speaks that you realize he’s there.

“ I threw them out.” He says quietly. You flinch harshly at the sound of his deep voice. You turn to him slowly, you heart in your throat, and yours hands tucked anxiously between the sleeves of Jaehyun’s sweater you wore to practice. “ Baby.” He says, choking on his tears. You’re shocked to say the least. You’ve never seen Jaehyun cry, and you would have never though that this would be the reason. You close your eyes feeling guilty, letting your reserve down and letting the tears slip down your plump cheeks rapidly.

He walks over the step stool and lifts you off of it, hugging you tightly and crying his eyes out. “ Why have you never told me? I could’ve helped you, I could’ve-“ You cry harder, everything coming up and out of you. You thrash against his frame, yelling and screaming. “ I love you Y/N, I’m always here, just let it all out.” Jaehyun regathers himself, as to stay strong and be your rock in this moment. You cry for about 15 minutes straight, hiccuping and talking about how you’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety since your early teens. You tell him about dance, you tell him about all the things that you’ve been through, and he listens. He listens intensively as your spill your heart to him, finally relaxed at the fact you can tell him everything. When you finish, he picks you up from the floor, as you both slipped to the ground in each other’s embrace while crying. He brings you to the kitchen, and sets you atop the island looking at you directly into your eyes and softly smiling.

“Thank you for telling me. I love you more now that I know how strong, beautiful, and amazing you are. These scars? They’re in the past, you are the most driven, talented person I know. I want you to come to me with every problem you have, and we’ll fix it together. You never go through stuff alone anymore, I’m always here. I love you so much, and I want you to know that you don’t have to feel like a burden, or a distraction. You are the most important person in my life. You come first, remember that. Can you do that for me?” He sheds a few tears watching as your head hangs low, and he raises your gaze and makes you look at him. “ Can you do that for me Y/N?” You nod quietly, and smile softly. “ I need to hear you say it princess. I know that stopping can be tough, so if you ever feel the urge please tell me, I’ll get you food, make you laugh, hell, I’ll kick the shit out of Taeyong if it’s what it takes to take your mind away from you hurting yourself. Do this for me, I cannot lose you-” He chokes. “ You won’t Jaehyun. I promise.” You both pause and revel in each other’s presence. You feel thankful that you're him with him right now, in this moment. You take some time to get yourself together as best s possible, and you play at the back of his head with the strands of his hair nervously, as he rubs his hands up and down your legs gently. “You can look if you want.” You say shakily. He takes your hands softly as if he could break you, and rolls up the sleeves of his sweatshirt. He looks at the lines with broken-hearted eyes, his fingers shaking as he runs his hand along the scabs and bubbles on your wrists and forearms.

“ Oh princess.” He says, kissing your scars and cuts, and letting his tears run down your arm.

Jaehyun is fully crying again, wrapping his strong arms around your stomach and placing his head on your heart. “ I’ll stay strong for you. I promise. I love you so much.” You say tearfully. He looks up and smiles as tears slip from his crescent eyes. You wipe his tears, and he wipes yours, and he picks you up from the counter and spins you around making you laugh loudly. “ You are so strong. You know that?” You nod, blushing. “ I’m truly so happy that you told me everything. It means a lot to me that you are allowing me to help you recover. I love you so much.”

“ I love you too Jaehyun.”

“ Soo, burgers or pizza?”

“ Burgers ”. You both answer together. “ Yeah burgers for sure.” you say with a smile.

For the first time in your life, you can breathe clearly. For the first time in your life, you feel worthy. Nothing could ever stop you from living. Not with Jaehyun by your side. Not even depression or anxiety.

#nct scenarios #nct #kpop smut #ambw kpop #kpop angst #kpop #nct 127 #nct u jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct u scenarios #kpop memes #kpop scenarios #nct u #jaehyun #kpop prompts #kpop bands #nct angst #nct fluff

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genius11rare · 4 years ago

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AH ChitChat Notes 3 22 21

Chitchat 32221 with Jeremy , michael and matt ft disembodied voices of lindsay and maybe kaden , gus in chat and joins

Jeremy: Kaden spoke up because of donuts earlier… Michael: Jacks time is over now… but he will be on stream later. Jeremy: oh yeah schedule. Slight last minute changes doing Fall Guys first cuz S4 came out… me michael lindsay and matt did a letsplay in it earlier today … gus will be doing fall guys this stream (eyyy)... oh yeah and i wanna impersonate what jack does. Matt: do it. Jeremy: and if you're watching on the site we can see your chat like FatHippoHippo wrote BET in all capitals … yeah i just wanted to get into the spirit and be like “what would jack do, what would he think is funny” and that was it. Lindsay: alsoone of those WWJD bracelets from the 90s What Would Jack Do… (matt: ive repurposed them) Jeremy: so how are you doing? Lindsay: good weekend i guess , just telling Matt we watched Big Hero 6 yesterday (Jeremy: aw hell yell) still an awesome movie , kids loved it. Jeremy: where they scared of - idk if he has a name the kabuki villain… *looking it up* apparently its Yokai… guess they never really say it cuz that's generic. Lindsay: that's VERY generic. Michael: IVE GOT TO TAKE THIS CALL *facecam becomes void* Jeremy: ok spoiler alert for Big Hero 6 but just looking at the wiki… it makes an audacious claim. It says “professor robert calahan OR ALSO BETTER KNOW as his villain name Yokai”... is it? Lindsay: well its based on a comic right so i guess canonically he has a name…. But to answer your question No they werent scared … anyway something we noticed upon rewatching is that 2 characters before a MAJOR event happens to the fistbump… but DON'T do the explosion… like oooohhh foreshadowing. Michael: not really foreshadowing if they keep doing it throughout the movie , if anything its foreshadowing that like… hell… whats the robots name - baymax learning it… not really foreshadowing the building explodes (gen notes MAJOR EVENT) … what blew my mind was that movie has a post credits scene. Jeremy: oh yeah was it like with the dudes father. Michael: Fred yeah! Remember remarking upon them entering the house theres a portrait of the dad and i just went “his dads just Stan Lee… just a portrait of him” Post credits scene and guys talking to painting and - wasn't paying attention but he like hits his head on it and the wall opens up to show a superhero room with paraphernalia everywhere and Stan Lee walks in like “son we got a lot to talk about” Jeremy: Chat asking about if i watched the wrestling PayPerView… remember how i updated you last that the guy died in the ring after being set on fire (Michael: lemme guess hes a zombie now) - yep exactly last night a hand reached up and grabbed someones leg , he came out of the smoke with a melted messed up mask so yeah…. Hes a furry (i think?) zombie clown Michael: hey wait a minute let me read the chat , someone named Gus said “whoa no idea there was a post credit scene” “what is a fastfood restaurant combo wish would open” Lindsay: Miss my KenTaco Hutt… Michael: idk im usually just in the mood for SOMETHING , not looking to combine , only time is when i want a certain food and they don't have the same sides i want other places have . like Sonic is amazing for sides , apps and drinks… don't care for entrees , but if i could get Sonic sides at McDonalds or Taco bell or something.. Jeremy: guess in the same vein id combine Dairy Queen with a lot of places (Matt: i was about to say) to get a BLIZZARD with whatever. Matt: that's how it usually goes anyway , you get the food , you drive by the Dairy Queen and get a desert - you don't get the food at Dairy Queen cuz why - just why Lindsay: i mean theres icecream but there isnt really fastfood places for other deserts… like theres not really a Cake or Cupcake place (Matt: not yet *tilts head at camera like “you know what i want”* ) there IS the cupcake ATM Matt: alright checking the google… Michael: Matts checking the driving distance. Jeremy: another questions whil matts looking up cakes (Matt: oh i already have it) nevermind then. Conware asks “what is your fave controller for console and whats fave controller you own” Jeremy: Idk really… i know for a while everyones was the Elite 2 Michael: yeah just most comfortable. Matt: well that's like a specialty type… if its a stock one then the switch pro controller is pretty good. Michael: i mean i also have this 8Bit do SNES bluetooth controller thing , love it Lindsay: i love the nintendo switch controller grip… makes it feel like it curves comfy around your palms Jeremy: the XBOX sea of thieves one is great (Matt: i was about to say…) got a glow in the dark skull in the middle , RT is like a gold tooth , is partly see through Matt: and it comes with some exclusive stuff for Sea of Thieves Lindsay: yeah like Motion Sickness. Matt: i got one that's just a donut. Lindsay: gave me an idea… you know how theres Pez Dispensers (matt: heard of them) yeah and how you don't really even use them right you just eat the candy and play with the thing ( *matt nods approvingly* yeah about right) what if we invent a controller where every once in a while it opens up to give a snack. (Matt: yeah like everytime you get an achievement, Jeremy: yeah i did good! Just go up to the controller and eat it) “You Are Good Boy” Matt: be funnier if it just throws at you “everyone have a fave seasons and followup do you like seasons where you grew up or where you are now?” Jeremy: i mean springs probably my fave its easy to be outside , not boiling hot nor snow everywhere… great time to camp and fish , falls cool with changing colors… texas is like “do you want REALLY hot or hot?” Michael: i do really like Fall on the East Coast but its like - yeah i miss it and its nice to be there when it happens where its light jacket weather. I used to wear sweatshirts all the time - i don't bother with long sleeves in texas cuz i know im taking it off within 30 min… never knew about the Water Cup thing until i lived in texas where restaurants just HAVE water cups… blew my mind its free - because people will drop dead . noticed they just have this seperate stack of clear cups which is i guess like “i BETTER not see any soda in that cup THAT'S A WATER CUP!”. I don't like it when its 105 degrees but i do like being able to just wear Tshirts most of the year and not dealing with snow Lindsay: i like Fall the most cuz like its blend of i guess i embrace the basic bitch stereo types of fall , want my pumpkin spice latee but ALSO i know halloween is coming and ive said before how THAT'S like my religious holiday so like… i come alive. Matt: probably fall , maybe winter. I don't go out much but fall is like the right amount of cool but not TOO cool. Jeremy: over the weekend me and kat went to a town called rockfort (i think?) which is like right on the ocean , the weather was a little cold for it , like 50 maybe and the sea breeze made it chillier… im not really a beach person just more water. You say beach and you think like Boogie Boarding Bros (Michael: whoooaah boogie. Lindsay: beach volleyball) yeah .. id reather be on a rocky shore than a sandy beach. Michael: youd rather be like a mermaid sitting on the rocks *jeremy laughs loud* is that what you're saying Jeremy: yeah Matt: attracting sailors to their DOOM Lindsay: i gotta send you a link but theres this one TikTokker i guess that i watch that talks about that an eastern european beach she went to and was like “i cant wait to go on my beach outting yeah!” and she gets there its rocky , really windy , noones there and goes “ooh its really cold” Matt: depends the kind of beach to me… for me East Coast beaches SUCK *jeremy nods yep* its water you cant see anything in its terrible Lindsay: that's also texas beaches , all brown. Matt: its just one of those things where you get in the water and your like “ok… at anymoment i could be attacked by everything around me” Michael: well that can happen on land too matt (Gen Notes WELCOHME TA JOISEY!!!) (paraphrasing jeremy here) Jeremy: theres this guy who flys a drone out over beaches into the ocean , and he released the footage… apparently due to there being a lot less people now theres just Great White Sharks that go relatively close to beaches now… there are times where hes filming people playing and like 10 ft away is a fucking shark ya know just swimming. And cuz they're really far away hed be like “id see it , film it , then go to a lifeguard and show it like “oh btw…” “ Michael: so you know 2 hours ago someone may have been eaten. MattL he should put a speaker on the drone to like announce the sharks like HEY! DEATH OUT THERE!. Lindsay: “whats that Dronie? Theres a shark in the water?!?” Jeremy: and it was funny seeing that behavior where everyonce and a while a shark would be swimming then someone would do something near it not seeing the shark and the shark just goes “fuck dat” and swims away MattL god dude…. So close to death *gus joins* Lindsay: oh you're the guy who was like Texas beaches have Tar Gus: oh yeah i grew up in texas and i thought all beaches were like that just “oh you don't sit on the tar”

#text #gen notes #ah #achievement hunter #chit chat #chitchat #march 2021 #michael jones #jeremy dooley #stream #live stream #notes #idk what else to tag #qna #for later

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justanotherboyinblue · 5 years ago

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weird asks that say a lot

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? coffee mugs! it gives me a weird satisfaction

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? chocolate bars!!

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? not a big fan of either :/

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? well i’m homeschooled so that’d be my mother the gist of it was that i don’t focus well and get distracted easily

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? oh bottles for sure cannot tell you why but the old fashioned glass bottles of like pepsi or something? Love Those

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? grunge i love it has the ‘i don’t care’ attitude basically just oversized stuff and a whole bunch of flannels

7. earbuds or headphones? headphones obviously, i’m a gamer what did you think i was gonna say

8. movies or tv shows? i tend to like movies better, but i do love myself a good tv show i think the pinnacle of tv shows done right is person of interest five seasons, i never got bored, it didn’t drag on, and it was always a good watch with good character chemistry

9. favorite smell in the summer? hmm either chlorine or beach smell because both mean i’m in the water And Ya Boi Is A Water Bitch

10. game you were best at in p.e.? i’ve never had p.e. and i think that’s my favorite thing about homeschooling

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? i normally don’t, because i wake up 11:30-noon because i was up at 3am and i need my eight hours of sleep

12. name of your favorite playlist? some fucken bOPS

13. lanyard or keyring? i’d think key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? uhhhhh literally all my favorite sweets are chocolate fuck probably cow tails

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? they all sucked and i rarely read any of them so

16. most comfortable position to sit in? either sitting on my ankle or having both legs hanging over the edge

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? do flip flops count?

18. ideal weather? like, 75-80 degrees with a cool breeze or alternatively 5-10 degrees with Piles Of Snow Everywhere

19. sleeping position? usually on my left side, or my stomach

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a notebook, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? i love writing on anything i can get my hands on, most times it’s a notebook i tend to always carry pen and paper with me because i Will Not Remember Anything

21. obsession from childhood? you know how people have like, a timeline in their head of their entire life? i did this when i was this age, etc.? yeah i don’t have that my memories are in a big pile in my head and i have to use like things around me to find out a general age it’s wild so i have no idea coloring? minecraft?

22. role model? any kind person ever

23. strange habits? i only shower at night, and once i get in my room and change into my pajamas i have No intention of leaving so i just brush my teeth in the shower

24. favorite crystal? amethyst? quartz? garnet? idk onlytherealonesknow

25. first song you remember hearing? it was a song that my mother used to sing to my brother and i at night when we were in bed, did you ever talk to God i’ve never been able to find it anywhere, but i love it and it has the Best Vibes attached to it

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? S w i m

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? cuddle obviously

28. five songs to describe you? uhh dear younger me- mercyme (Christian) the cult of Dionysus- the Orion experience lucky stars- Lucy Spraggan escapism- steven universe? maybe? sunkissed- Khai dreams???? bro i got no idea

29. best way to bond with you? over shared experiences, or a shared love of something just best way to bond? by relating

30. places that you find sacred? not sure old buildings, sites of historical importance, places marred by tragedy

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? oh boy here we go my tightest pants, obviously, my heels, and my slutty shirt or my comfy clothes i can kick ass in anything

32. top five favorite vines? i am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand. Posiden quivers before him! fuck off!! *BAM* this is why mom doesn’t fUCKING love you!!! please let this be a normal field trip. with Miss Frizzle?? un-fucking-likely Jeremy eat a snickers. why? you’re not you when you’re hungry. it’s gonna take more than that for my fatass meanwhile, in 1957. your honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile. permission granted. i’m gonna shoot you in the face. that’ll ruin my day

33. most used phrase in your phone? i have no phone but i do say valid a lot because All You Fuckers Are Valid

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? michigan plumminggggg, we’ll exceed your expectaaationsssss

35. average time you fall asleep? three am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

37. suitcase or duffel bag? backpack

38. lemonade or tea? lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? idk the cat pissed on my brother’s papers once

41. last person you texted? moje rojenia

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Hoodie Pouch

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? hoodie, obviously

44. favorite scent for soap? Manly Smell

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? mmmmmm sci-fi

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? long sleeve tee, plaid pajama pants

47. favorite type of cheese? Mozzarella

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? pineapple i’ll eat you out ;)

49. what saying or quote do you live by? if someone makes you happy make them happier

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? my mother made the weirdest fucking sound once, and i couldn’t breathe and fell off the chair

51. current stresses? school, driver’s training, some other stuff

52. favorite font? Kristen ITC

53. what is the current state of your hands? ????? clean?? i have a ring on my right middle finger, some scars on both hands, my nails are short

54. what did you learn from your first job? haven’t had a job yet

55. favorite fairy tale? any of the old Grimm’s fairy tales they terrified me when i was young, but then i got a taste for the disturbed and gore so they became perfect for me

56. favorite tradition? my family doesn’t really have any traditions

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? gaining confidence to not be a complete pushover, quitting self-harm, realizing my first relationship wasn’t my fault

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i don’t have four talents i can color really well? i can copy drawings if i look at them long enough

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Fuck

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? something along the lines of kabaneri of the iron fortress or my hero academia

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? give me something to keep and hold onto forever. let go

62. seven characters you relate to? uggggggggh bro my personality changes every hour i don’t know Sam, from supernatural uh, Klaus? from the originals .... yeah that’s all i got

63. five songs that would play in your club? dangerous- left boy adderall- Max Frost sweet tooth- Scott Helman binary mind- ra ra riot while i’m alive- STRFKR

64. favorite website from your childhood? club penguin and jumpstart

65. any permanent scars? tons

66. favorite flower(s)? coral dahlias and bellflowers

67. good luck charms? nope!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? quinoa, mustard, and root beer

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? without saliva your stomach would digest itself

70. left or right-handed? right

71. least favorite pattern? whatever the fuck this one is

72. worst subject? math

73. favorite weird flavor combo? ranch and any kind of roast

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? probably like a 7

75. when did you lose your first tooth? neither i nor my mother remember

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? Mashed Potatoes Always

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? strawberries!! they’re yummy and have beautiful flowers

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? both are gross no thank you

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? well since i don’t have my license yet, i’d have to say my license

80. earth tones or jewel tones? earth tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? they’re literally the same thing are you asking which one i say? if so, lightning bugs

82. pc or console? both! i prefer pc but a lot of my favorite games are on console and i don’t have a gaming computer

83. writing or drawing? i’m better at writing, but i love both!

84. podcasts or talk radio? not a huge fan of either

84. barbie or polly pocket? i never had or liked either

85. fairy tales or mythology? faerie* tales and mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes? cookies!!!

87. your greatest fear? being abandoned ig

88. your greatest wish? to live an apple pie life i suppose my partners and i living in a house we love, in a town we love, with all of our fur babies

89. who would you put before everyone else? the young if i was in a room full of people, relatives, friends, elders, i would always save the youngest

90. luckiest mistake? posting my diary on ao3 XD i met my darling Leo through it

91. boxes or bags? f....for??? bags are easier to carry, but boxes are just Nice ..... see this is why i think i’m a cat

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? i love sunlight and fairy lights

93. nicknames? Q that’s that’s basically it

94. favorite season? fall

95. favorite app on your phone? duolingo or pixel.y 3D

96. desktop background? school computer:

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? just my mother’s

98. favorite historical era? anything Ancient greek, egyptian, incan, aztec, that kinda stuff

#tw cursing #tw self-harm #long post #tw eye strain #probably gonna crank out a few of these today because i'm Bored #meet the blogger

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13thsongbird · 5 years ago

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I can’t quite believe it’s nearly October – where did the summer go? And on top of that, where did September go?? That said, I’ve been glorying in the weather here in New York this past month. We’ve still been flirting with temps in the 80s during the hottest parts of the day, but it’s much breezier and less humid, and once the sun goes down the temperature drops quite comfortably into the 60s. Much nicer than the sticky humidity and 90+ degree days and nights of August! (We’re still not quite to my ideal fall temperatures, but soon… soon…)

And with cooler temps come thoughts of fall-appropriate sewing – that is to say, things with sleeves. I didn’t do this consciously, but looking back at the projects I completed this summer, there wasn’t a single sleeve in sight! These arms demand freedom in the heat of a New York City summer, what can I say. Hindsight being 20/20, this actually may be the reason I procrastinated so long on the make I’m ever-so-slowly building up to. Minds are weird and wonderful things, aren’t they?

At the beginning of August, the Instagram sewing community blew up with sewing challenges – the ones I saw the most were #alteritaugust and #BRAugust2019, but there were any number of others. Not sure why August is the hoppin’ sewing month, but it made for a flood of inspiring Instagram pictures so I wasn’t complaining! However, I wasn’t really in the mood to commit to a sustained month-long challenge. The lure of getting in the sandbox to play with my sewing community beckoned, but it wasn’t quite clicking – until I saw someone posting about #sewcialmashup and a little bulb went off in my head. The concept was simply to mash up two (or more!) patterns and share pictures of the result during the month of August, with weekly prize drawings and some big grand prize options at the end of the month, and my mind immediately flashed to a mashup I’ve had brewing since before the new year. What a great opportunity to get my rear in gear, join the fun, but also not overwhelm myself! One project, one month – easy peasy!

(And then I procrastinated for the whole month and only worked on it the literal last three days of August… and then I started writing this blog post the first week of September and only just now got around to finishing it… Shhhhhh… I blame it on the heat. Yeah. Also, big shoutout to Girls in the Garden and Inside the Hem for hosting such a fun challenge!)

Like a lot of sewists, I was entranced this winter by the release of Friday Pattern Company’s Adrienne Blouse. A simple top designed for knits, it majorly brings the drama with sleeves that are literally the largest pattern pieces on the sheet, gathered at shoulder and cuff with 1/2″ elastic, and is a terrifically drafted pattern and easy to sew to boot. The minute I got my grubby little hands on it, I was dreaming of wearing it tucked into high-waisted pants and skirts, which gave me a moment of pause. I don’t like tucking knit tops in – I feel like they often bunch and shift under a fitted waistband, plus I’m very tall with a long torso, which can be trying when it comes to keeping tucked-in shirts in place. The Adrienne is drafted with negative ease through the body, which meant the bunching was unlikely to be an issue, but it is also self-described as “slightly cropped with the hem hitting just below your bellybutton”. How much length was I going to have to add to make this wearable?? (The answer is none – I actually find the length of the torso fairly spot-on for me. Were I looking for a cropped top I’d be disappointed, but as it is I’m pleased as punch!) Then I had a surge of brilliance – I’ve posted here before about my love affair with the Nettie bodysuit from Closet Case Patterns, and one of the things I love most about it is that it provides me with close-fitting knit tops that are un-untuckable. Why couldn’t I just whack the bottom of the Nettie onto the Adrienne, joining the practicality of the bodysuit with the swoony romanticism of the blouse’s sleeves? Both patterns are very simply drafted with similar ease and stretch requirements. Only one thing to do, and that was throw it at the wall and see if it stuck!

Despite the incredibly long incubation time on this idea (I mentioned it for the first time all the way back in January when I was drafting my Pick Nine selections for 2019), once I pulled out the patterns the whole thing came together really quickly! My copy of the Nettie has an inch of length added to the front pattern piece at the lengthen-shorten line (I chose to fold out that extra length from the back piece to try and reduce extra fabric at the small of my back, which has been an issue before), so to make sure I included that I simply lined up the Nettie’s top lengthen-shorten line with the waist notch on the Adrienne. Above that point I traced the Adrienne, below it I traced the waist and hip curve on the Nettie, shifted the pattern pieces a little so the edge lined up with the fold of the fabric, and traced the leg opening with some creative fudging to make up for a little added width through the hips. Same process for the back (while Adrienne uses the same pattern piece front and back, the Nettie has differently shaped pieces to accommodate your crotch and your butt) and I was in business! Since I didn’t change anything about the armscye or neckline of the Adrienne, I could simply use the sleeve and neck binding pattern pieces as drafted, and while the leg opening did end up slightly cattywompus from the original Nettie, Heather very thoughtfully includes in the pattern instructions that the bands (which you self-draft anyway) should be 90% the length of your leg opening, so I just had to do a little measuring.

Cutting it out was simple and mostly notable for how often I had to stop to pet my fabric – I’ve never worked with double-brushed poly before, so I don’t know if it’s all this soft and kitten-like and delicious or if LA Finch Fabrics just has the absolute best DBP in the game. Either way, it’s divine, and I got 1 1/4 yard for a steal of a deal because it was an end-of-bolt piece (so no more for you, sorry, it’s ALL MINE!), which was the perfect amount to cut out my “Adrettie” without any hassle and still have some silky-soft scrappy pieces that I think I can squeeze a panties-and-bralette set out of (#sustainablesewing!!! Use up those scraps!). Construction was likewise simple and straightforward; while I own a serger it hasn’t been threaded in a few years and I have sewn everything from lingerie elastic to swimsuit lycra to chunky sweater knits using the zigzag stitch on my ever-loving Joni, so all I had to do was sit down at my machine and sew. An hour or two later, and it was SLEEVE TIME!!

I’m seriously in love with these sleeves. Paired with my buzz cut, they make me feel like I’m Fantine from Les Mis – and who doesn’t want to go about their daily life feeling like a 19th-century factory worker tragically forced to sell her hair, teeth, and body to support her beloved but illegitimate daughter by a man who took advantage of her and then abandoned her to a life of poverty??? (Fantine is one of my dream roles, y’all. I dreamed a dreeeeam in time gone byyyyy…)

Okay maybe that’s just me.

I’m slightly less in love with how far down the cut of the leg opening falls in the front – the back coverage is perfect, and one of the reasons I love the drafting of the Nettie so much, but I might go back in and carve out some of the side and front so the band sits more comfortably in the crease between my thigh and my pelvis.

I paired Adrettie with some Old Navy shorteralls, and while I’m liking the effect I’m not a huge fan of the blue-on-blue – I love a good dress-like-a-crayon moment, but I prefer a little more dynamism and contrast between shades. Still, I wore the ensemble out to a friend’s birthday and really enjoyed it, so I think the answer is clear: I need to make more Adretties to wear with my blue denim shorteralls, and I need to make some other shorteralls (and full-length overalls for the colder weather) that I can wear with this blue one! I’ve got a pair of golden-yellow thrifted jeans that I was thinking of refashioning/altering, and while they were intended to become another pair of better-fitting pants, I’m sorely tempted to chop off the legs and use the extra fabric for straps and a bib… we shall see! I also think the sleeves would look darling under a pinafore, especially as the fall weather begins to make layering more of an option again. And then of course there’s the high-waisted pants and skirts I originally envisioned this hack with!

Gratuitous cat pic!

One thing I will be doing, though, is going back and opening the crotch seam to add snaps – all this talk of layering something that I have to take off in its entirety to go to the bathroom is giving me the cold sweats, and the thought of sitting on a toilet shivering as the weather gets colder does not appeal! The mood for this autumn is dress smarter, not harder, y’all.

We Love A Statement Sleeve I can't quite believe it's nearly October - where did the summer go? And on top of that, where did September go??

#Adrettie #Adrienne Blouse #Closet Case Patterns #double-brushed poly #fall sewing #fall wardrobe #Friday Pattern Company #Instagram challenge #LA Finch Fabrics #make nine 2019 #make nine challenge #Nettie bodysuit #pattern mashup #sewcialmashup

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theoutdoorpursuit · 6 years ago

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A Virgin Tip To Alaska

The Last Frontier, a vast wilderness tucked between Mother Russia and our friendly Canadian neighbors up North. It certainly didn’t feel like America, yet they spoke the language and happily accepted all of my American Dollars. To say the 49th state was unique would be a vast understatement, nearly as vast as its endless vistas. I grew up in the Appalachians, hiked the Rockies, yet these were but foothills compared to the monstrous Alaskan peaks. I put my boots on the ground, ate and caught my fair share of halibut, searched for Grizzlies, and soaked in the never ending sunlight. Here are my takeaways from a first-timing Alaskan Tourist:

Float Planes Are A Way of Life

Researching Alaska months prior to my visit, I had every intention of riding a Float Plane through the mountains and landing in one of the endless remote glaciers in Alaska’s wilderness. After an 8 hour flight across country from Atlanta to Anchorage, my desire to leave the earth had left me and it wasn’t because of the lack of access. The hotel we stayed at in Anchorage backed up to the busiest Float Plane lake in Alaska. Non-stop, throughout the day, planes cruised back in and took back off out into Alaska’s unknown. I can only imagine the views and the bumpy ride that entailed on one of these $100 dollar four hour excursions.

Alaska is a sportsman’s paradise and almost all hunters and brave anglers reach their remote destinations by Float Plane. We learned that on a typical five day hunt, a plane drops off a group and are informed to draw an “X” in the sand if they need an early emergency pickup. A plane would fly by once a day. No phone service. No one else around. It doesn’t get much more primal in today’s world than a backcountry Alaskan hunt by plane.

The Sun Never Sets

We arrived into Alaska during the first week of June which means one thing, The sun “set” at 11:15 PM and rose at 4:00 AM. But here is the kicker, the sun never truly set. It merely dipped down behind the mountains. It’s always light out in Alaska in June. Our first night in Anchorage we ate dinner at 7:30 PM… 11:30 PM at home. I struggled to keep my eyes open as I nibbled at a halibut burger, while the sun, high in the middle of the sky, taunted me as if to say “We’re just getting started buddy.” One morning, we left for a fishing trip at 3:15 AM and it looked as if the sun had been up for an hour. I’d advise looking into a hotel or cabin that has black out blinds or at least purchase an eye mask because the constant light was quite detrimental to the sleep cycle. I couldn’t help but wonder what the winters were like as they would be the opposite, dark nearly all day long. Talk about intense seasonal depression. I guess the light is better than the dark, but I had never been so excited to see the sun set as the day I returned home and climbed into bed.

Grizzlies are Tough to Find… Moose are Not

The animal I wanted to see the most… from a distance, the ever elusive Grizzly bear, was not sighted. I saw plenty of black bear, but the majestic beast on every Alaskan postcard was nowhere to be found. I took the bear spray everywhere I went, even on the two mile hike in the backyard of the ski resort, looking like quite the tourist with a camera around my neck and a bear spray canister holstered to my hip. Thankfully, no bear spray was discharged in the making of this trip.

Now what was surprisingly everywhere was the Alaskan state animal, the Moose. These things are the equivalent to white tail deer on the East Coast. They’re on your hiking trail, in suburban backyards, and terrifyingly close to the roads. The major Alaskan highways are lined with ten foot high fences to deter Moose from coming in contact with a car, which would not be a pretty sight as these beasts can be well over a thousand pounds. We certainly drove with caution as every few hundred yards a Moose crossing sign warned of potential danger. Go for the Grizzly, see a hundred Moose, as they say.

Everything is Far, Hence the Planes

Anchorage, where we stayed the first part of the week, was fairly convenient. It’s a normal, small sized city which has about 300,000 inhabitants, half the population of Alaska. While in Anchorage everything from restaurants to grocery stores was an easy 20 minute drive. Everywhere else in Alaska is a haul. We drove 8 hours total one day from Anchorage to Denali, 2 and a half hours to Kenai, and then a combined 3 hours of driving to our fishing trip in Seward. We put many of miles on the rental car and while normally traveling long distances after you’ve already traveled long distances is devastating, the scenery and roadside wildlife made the road time worth it. It’s no wonder planes are abundant. I saw but a small sliver of the massive state and felt like I drove the distance of my home state of Virginia. If you want to see it all, you’ll have to see it by air.

Pictured Below: While Alaska is vast, one doesn’t have to go far for an adventure. In the heart of downtown Anchorage, anglers can hook on to world class Salmon passing through the states largest city.

It’s Never “Warm” In Alaska

I left the balmy, Southern, 90 degree temps of Virginia, excited for some cooler weather in Alaska, but of course I underpacked on warm clothes. I wore my only sweatshirt every morning. The highs in Alaska during June are in the low 60’s, however the mornings were a chilly 40 something degrees. On our morning drive to our fishing adventure the car’s thermostat read 35 degrees. Nothing says summer vacation like long johns, a winter beanie, long sleeved Under Armour, and a rain jacket over top of a sweatshirt as a desperate attempt to keep in warmth. Again if this is what it was like in the summer, I cringe to even comprehend a cold, dark Alaskan winter. At first thought, conversing with our firstmate who had made the move from Virginia to Alaska, I was jealous, until I remembered this poor sap had to endure the cold for likely 9 months of the year.

Everyone Leaves With A Box of Fish

Enter into the Anchorage Airport and people all around you are hauling their catch in foam coolers. It is a sportsman’s paradise after all. We learned that freezing your catch and checking your cooler as a carry-on for $25 dollars is the most cost efficient method to get your harvest back home. Shipping frozen meat can add up quickly at over $6 a pound. We ended up with close to 40 lbs of halibut and after two days in our cabin freezer it easily made the 10 plus hour journey home in a foam cooler, still mostly frozen when we arrived at our house.

Don’t Drive To Denali Without A Camper And Couple Days to Spare

Mount Denali. “The High One” 20,000 feet of mountain, the tallest in North America. You can’t go to Alaska without seeing Denali right? That was our thought. Four hours there, four hours back. The drive itself may be worth the road time. Following adjacent to the mountains with Denali in the background was a scenic view unlike any other. However when we got there we soon found out that you could only get so far in your own vehicle. Only about 15 miles are available to personal vehicles, the rest of the vast national park has to be seen from a registered camper or tour bus.

Fun fact: At least a few backcountry backpackers get lost every year in Denali and have to be rescued, searching for the “Magical School Bus” from the popular book and movie Into the Wild.

“The Magical School Bus” was not in the sights of our day trip so we settled for one of three possible hikes. Albeit limited, the trail we hiked, “The Savage Alpine Trail” was possibly the coolest hike I’ve been on. 1,500 feet of elevation in a four mile hike was a workout, but the views were truly unbelievable. Near the summit we spotted a lone Dall Sheep which paid no attention to us as we climbed within a hundred yards of the rare beast. The hike, accompanied with Caribou and Sheep sighting, made the long day trek worth it, but a return trip to Alaska’s most infamous park will entail a multiple day trip into it’s never ending backcountry.

Everywhere You Look, is A Desktop Background

Since returning home, I’ve had many people ask me to explain what Alaska was like. It’s difficult to put into words how truly breathtaking the country is; you simply have to lay eyes on it. No words, picture, or 4k video would do it justice. From the plane ride into Alaska to driving around Anchorage, the surrounding setting is something unimaginable. The mountains touch the sky, the air tastes pure, its as if your walking around in a National Geographic documentary, constantly.

I bought a DSLR camera before our vacation, I needed something more than an Iphone to capture this trip. While I got my fair share of solid pics, it became increasingly frustrating throughout the week as every turn on the road provided an image worthy of a Desktop background. You know the picture I’m talking about, pre-loaded on your computer, annoying beautiful to the point you wonder if such a place actually exists. I snapped away and each night I’d fume over which photos to keep. They were all, “Instagrammable.” Bring a camera and several memory cards.

#alaska #summervaction2018 #the last frontier #outdoors

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daynamartinez22 · 4 years ago

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Weekly SEO Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 327

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Click on the video above to watch Episode 327 of the Semantic Mastery Hump Day Hangouts.

Full timestamps with topics and times can be found at the link above.

The latest upcoming free SEO Q&A Hump Day Hangout can be found at http://semanticmastery.com/humpday.

Announcement

Welcome everybody to Hump Day Hangout. This is episode, if I remember correctly, 327. Today is the 17th of February 2021. We got almost the whole crew here today. I think Hernan’s got some traveling going on. So he may not be joining us. But we are gonna go around, say hello to everybody. Get some announcements out of the way and then hop into your questions. So first is Chris. How are you doing today, Chris?

Oh, doing well here today. The weather is absolutely crazy. Like one day is like warm, like almost spring. Next day when the ice-cold? I don’t know. Right now. It’s again warm. So I’m happy. Things are good.

All right, fair enough. Marco. What? How’s the weather with you?

It doesn’t change, man.

Hey, hang on. Let me let me go. There. You go to the window before too much light. It’s too bright. And it’s like you’ve seen it. I started this a year ago, almost to the day. It was sunny. It was what you see me in nothing but either a T-shirt or a sleeved shirt, a button. a button-down shirt every Wednesday for the past year. And it’s always been what you see.

This is what it is. And you asked me Adam, but don’t you get tired? I’m like, Fuck no. Why would I get tired of it? Why would I want to be living in it? For example, in Texas where the pipes have frozen, people are freezing. They have no electricity, they have no water like that. I can have that if I just move to one of the places that our charity supports. Why would I want to live anywhere else? No. I’d like I’d rather have like if I’m gonna have no electricity. I’ll take this weather. Thank you very much. It’s very rare that Texas has this kind of weather though. So during the rainy so yeah, but I mean, I don’t have to worry about rare. Weather rare here. It’s 60 degrees. The rare here is 90. That’s the fluctuation that we haven’t you see it? It’s sunny. And it’s warm. And it’s beautiful. And it’s my Fortress of Solitude. We always talk about both. This is where I want to be

very nice. Well, Bradley, how you doing on the East Coast today?

Good. The weather is decent here for now. But we’re supposed to get five inches of snow tomorrow. So we’ll see. But yeah, things are good, man. All right. Well, wish you the best of luck and everyone else. I’m not sure internationally what’s going on. But I know if you’re in the middle, probably two-thirds of the US you got some nasty weather going on. So stay safe, stay warm. So how is your place?

Yeah, but the same as always is low cooler, but 15 and sunny. So that’s a cold day here in the Bay Area. So can’t complain.

First of all, if you’re watching, thank you for watching. Thanks for being here. If you’re catching the replay, that’s great, too. Drop us a comment. If you’re live ask your questions. If you’re watching the replay, you can also leave a comment there on the YouTube channel. And we’ll get back to you if you got a question. But we encourage you to come live and you can always do that at semantic mastery comm HD questions. And that is where you can be sure that we will get to your question, provided we have enough time we only got an hour, but generally we can get to it. And secondly, I wanted to say the question we get asked a lot for people who are new to Semantic Mastery new to MGYB new to the heavy hitters club. You know, what should I do? Where should I start? And you know, we’ve got a few things we tell people depending on what you want, right? It’s not a cookie-cutter. But the general gist of this is if you’re not sure, and you’re not sure what the SEO shield is go to the SEO shield comm start there. It’s free training about what the SEO shield is what it can do for you. Now if you want to go beyond that, in terms of SEO, you can get our step-by-step processes for getting SEO results with the battle plan. You can find out more about that battle plan dot semantic mastery COMM And if you’re an agency owner or a consultant that wants to get more clients who want to grow your revenue, and you want to scale your team, then you should head over to 2xyouragency.com. Find out more over there. And then if you’re ready to grow your digital marketing business, or maybe get a brick and mortar, maybe you’re helping someone else out but you want to join in the experienced community, then the mastermind is going to be the place for you and you can join at mastermind dot semantic mastery.com now at the beginning of my little spiel here I mentioned mg y B and I don’t just blow past that. But a lot of times people ask us okay, this is great. I’ve got the training. I want to run faster. What do you guys do? We order from MGYB.

Yesterday, I placed an order for an SEO shield off to come up with something but an SEO shield. And this is the stuff we use. I didn’t come up with the SEO shield. But collectively these are the products we use, right whether it’s Marco whether it’s Bradley, Rob coming up with this stuff, and we’re implementing and using the stuff that we have at mg y B and Semantic Mastery. And so we tell people Hey when you get to the point where it makes sense you have money now and less time to start getting this stuff done for you, you can hire a VA and learn, put them through the courses and teach them how to do it. Or you can go to MGYB and just say, hey, build it for me, I want it done right the first time and do it that way. We’re not saying one’s better than the other. It’s two different ways of doing it. But if you haven’t checked out mg y b.co, head over there, hop on the email list. If nothing else, we got some fantastic deals going on, especially around the holidays. And we do send out a lot of really good information. And then last, but certainly not me. Yeah, yeah, what I’d like to say about that is even if you hire a VA, and your VA isn’t going to put be put through all the courses, then have your VA learn the ordering process, or learn the processes so that you can just tell your VA, okay, so we need an SEO shield. They know they got MGYB. Well, now we need link building. They go now we need some press releases. And they go because that time that you spend going in and doing that and the ordering process, you could spend prospecting, growing your agency getting more results for your clients, putting your VA through even more of your processes systematizing, there’s a lot more than your VA can do other than learning because I mean, just the keyword research, I can tell you takes a long time to learn because they have to go through SEO Bootcamp, they have to go through all of the software that we use to do the keyword research, then filtering it then finding out Okay, so what would work in my categories, what what’s a possible push, and then to turn that into something manageable so that you can approach it that way? Okay. So that’s how that works. That’s how we do that.

I don’t recommend anyone, anyway, not a VA and not not, of course, a business owner to do all of this on their own, you have to have a process, you have to have a system, we go a long way, and that we save you all of that time that would take to actually build it up. Because that takes a lot of time also, right. So it’s just a time saver, being able to have a place to go and order rather than having to do the fulfillment yourself. Definitely. And I think Margot touched on something really important that the keyword research is just one example out of many, that that would take you three, four days if you know the process. And so you talk about the time saving with a project where that’s one piece, whether you’re building a new website for yourself a client or project, you’re putting together an SEO shield again, yourself or MGYB, the amount of time that goes into this is irreplaceable. You know, we understand. And I mean, I speak for myself, but I know these guys, most of them, I know enough of your story where you know, we got started, you know, kind of bootstrapping, I don’t think any of us were funded as consultants or getting started into this. And so you start out, you got more time you try to do some of this yourself. But over time you become the bottleneck. To start either training a VA ordering from mg y b, you know, find the best place out there and get it done and save yourself time. So you can grow and get to a point where you know, whatever your tofu is, maybe you scaled the gas agency, or maybe you work part-time and chill half the time. So whatever that is for you. So with that said, you guys, Marco, I know you posted on the page, is there anything people need to know about the charity webinars, we’re doing the fifth one on Monday.

It’s the one that we’re going to tie everything together, because we’ve had people talk about, of course, Bradley, PVC, and money ads for the entity and the brand. We had Jordan, come in and talk about the branding bridge and how to approach your entity through branding through marketing. And that whole approach, we had Dixon Jones showing how to do content, right? How entities exists in your content and how to approach your entity from from from that aspect of SEO, then we had Brian cattle do images. So because there’s there are entities, of course, in images, and you can approach your SEO that way. So you have all of these different approaches. So how does this all get put together?

In a way that you can systematically just take down just about any niche. And before someone asked, No, you cannot go after amazon for the keyword Amazon unless you have millions and millions of dollars. No, you cannot go after Google. Many have tried and failed you can? No, no. All right, you better have the deep pockets, the investors, and the right way, the right idea before you take on a giant like that. But that doesn’t mean that in a vertical. You can’t take this system and this approach. And for example like we’re doing in pet food doesn’t mean that you can’t go after pet food. And if you approach it that the right way that you can’t rank for it because yes you can and very well the home services industry whether it’s plumber, HVAC, electrician, whatever it is, it’s there to be had especially when it’s approached the right way when you have the right mindset, because it’s also knowing and understanding how it is that we approach all these things. And so you have all of this information, but it has to be tied together, which is what we’ll be doing on Monday. So not only if you make a donation, not only will you get access to Monday’s webinar, you will also get access to all of the previous webinars because they’re all recorded. And they’re all uploaded for people to see.

Nice. All right, and then if you have your live instructions, the link is on there, if you need it, so anything else you guys before we get started?

All right. Let’s do it.

I didn’t refresh the page. And I was still looking at last week’s webinar on the page. I was like, wait a minute, shit.

All right. Let me get the screen.

You guys are seeing my screen? Correct. Good to go. Yep.

Alright, so where are we?

How come? I don’t see the days and times? Yeah, that’s interesting. They must have updated something. But you can go up my comment is probably the last one. So scroll back down a little bit. Chaz B has the first. Yeah. Mr. Banner.

Thoughts On Chameleon Mode In BrowSEO

Keep that one. Going. Yeah. After an hour, after hour. Yeah. Right there. Cool. That’s weird. They took the days and times off there. I wonder if it’s just a temporary thing. Anyway. Just as Mr. Benner, mentioned, you were still using BrowSEO? Do I know the Creator is launching or has already a new version called Chameleon? Just heads up? If you didn’t know. Yeah, thanks, jazz. I know that I’ve got it. It’s called Chameleon mode. And it sucks.

Like, honestly, I’m still using Browseo to I’ve got, you know, I still use BrowSEO to for my stuff. And I think it works as long as you only right-click a profile, and use system Chrome. That’s what you have to use. And then it opens up Chrome, but it’s its own instance of Chrome for that particular profile. And that still works. But all the other stuff, why don’t really only use the for the browser function anyways. Like you can’t use Firefox in the browser anymore at all. Because it just it. It’s broken, basically. And chameleon mode just sucks. I’m sorry to say that because I’m still using the browser you have part of the reason why I haven’t moved it over to like ghost browser or something else. There’s another one called session box, that one looks to be even better priced than ghost browser. It’s called session box.io. I think it is. But that’s probably the one that I end up trying eventually, whenever I have more time to move all my profiles from browser to something else. Just right now, I don’t feel like taking the time to do it. Because it’s not a priority. As long as it’s still working with the system Chrome. That’s fine. I the chameleon mode though I’ve got access to that, because I’ve got lifetime access to browse to and I logged into it, I can’t figure out how to use it. It’s clunky. I just like I said, I don’t like it. So anyway. And I’ve been talking about updating that for well over a year and finally rolled out the beta version of it and if I don’t like it at all. So anyway, moving on. Thanks, though, for the heads up. Appreciate that.

How To Push More Power And Authority To All Posts On The Money Site?

The next question is Hey, guys, my question is related to the instant push for the post, which was just published, is related to the instant push for the post, which was okay, my website belongs to a niche where the frequency of post is way higher than the normal blogging. We typically do four to five posts every day, it is not possible to do the link building for each individual post. Oh, okay. Now I see where you’re going. And that also takes time. How do you push the instant power to just publish a blog I have a syndication network and SEO shield in place, how to push more authority and power to all the posts on a money site. Thanks in advance.

Well, you could set up an applet in IFTTT or Zapier or something that will take your post URLs and add them to a Google Sheet. Right. So it would automate your RSS like anything, any of your posts, which will update your RSS feed, can send the link to the new post to a Google Sheet. And if you add that Google Sheet to like your drive stack profile, for example, into one of your public drive folders, then that sheet will be public, which means you can use that sheet to build links to it right you can build links to that sheet which will automatically power up your posts.

Now if you’ve got multiple categories that you’re posting from, and you want to get more granular with it, then I would set up a separate sheet for each category and set up categories RSS feeds to feed the Google Sheet. Instead of doing just your overall general RSS feed, where you could be mixing all different types of content, you know, post-con, post types, excuse me into the same sheet. So if you’ve got silos on your site,

And you’re publishing content in the specific silos or categories, then you grab the category RSS feed, and set up a separate Google Sheet for each feed category feed. That way you can hammer that specific Google Sheet with the correct sort of links and anchor text profiles specific to that topic. Does that make sense? So that’s, that’s something that you can do. And that’s a really easy way to do it.

When you’re talking about that kind of manual, or excuse me, publishing frequency of publishing, then that’s something that I would do, I would just set it up in an automated way, I like to do it more manually because we don’t publish near as much as that, you know, most of my clients will get two, maybe three blog posts a week, and that’s tops. And so once we flesh out a silo, and we complete our link, we’ll within the silo, we extract the URLs from the posts, and then set everything up in the G site. And then just take all that’s kind of a manual process anyway. So that all those URLs just go into a target URL file that we upload to MGYB for link building. Does that make sense? So a G sheet is a way to automate it. And that’s how I would do it. If If I wasn’t going to like a mirror all of the posts into the G site, which in your case, I certainly wouldn’t do that. But in my case for what we do, it’s, that’s a good strategy. So

Does anybody want to comment on that?

Join the heavy hitter club. That’s what we have the mad.

What Is The Quickest And Cheapest Way For A Starting SEO Agency To Get Leads And Make Sales?

Okay. Frogger. Nice. He says, Hey, guys, as a starting SEO agency, what’s the quickest cheapest thing we can implement to start getting our pipeline of leads making sales calls aside from link ranking location pages. We can implement to start getting our pipeline of leads, making sales call aside from so I’m not sure I understand that question.

The first way I interpret it would be how, what’s the quickest way you can start getting leads for your agency? I think that’s what you’re asking.

And I found I’m working on a very specific strategy, I can’t reveal it 100% here, but I’m using a high level, which is the agency platform agency dashboard essentially does a whole bunch of automation and things like that. It’s amazing. Go to semantic mastery, comm slash high level, if you want to see you get a 14-day free trial, you’re probably already aware of it. If you’re not go check it out. It’s a 14-day free trial. And if all you’re doing is using a high level for your own agency for prospecting, you can do that with one seat. So it’s $97 a month, right, and you set up your agency in there. And then you can use that for prospecting. And I’ve been using that for prospecting now for well since about September of last year. And it works really, really well. At first, I was doing it just to find lead buyers for my own lead gen assets. But now just on Monday of this week, I just started for my new agency, I just launched a new agency. And I’ve started using one I’m using high level for prospecting for that with a very specific method. But it’s working incredibly well already. So I’m going to be talking about that in the mastermind. But not outside of the mastermind, at least not yet. But a high level is a great way to automate that kind of outreach and things. Because what I’m doing is even cold email outreach, as well as voicemail, you know, voicemail drops. And that’s what I’m doing to start with. However, I know there’s you know, depending on which industry you’re targeting, unless you’re just a, you know, a general marketing agency, which means you’ll work with any industry. LinkedIn can also be a really good source, I’ve not been real successful getting leads from LinkedIn, because I never stuck with it that long to really get good at it. But I know that LinkedIn can be a really good source. And there’s a lot of really good automation tools that weren’t around when I used to attempt a lot more LinkedIn stuff. So that is on my schedule to start doing probably within the next two weeks is to, in fact, I’m going on a webinar on Friday for one of them there’s an app Sumo deal right now for a LinkedIn tool.

And they’ve got a webinar on Friday, it’s like 50 bucks for a lifetime account for this app Sumo deal for this LinkedIn prospecting tool. So I’m, I’m going to go check out the webinar on Friday, so I can see if it’s something that I want to use, but I’ll probably be doing that as well. So that would be mine. My suggestions would be, you know, cold email still works, guys, if you do it, right. Voicemail drops, you gotta be careful. There are certain states and things like that there are certain laws now that you have to be careful with.

Direct Mail works. The hard part with direct mail, though is getting, at least in the industry that I worked in with charter tree contractors is a lot of times when I send direct mail because I do that I get a lot of it returned. So means that the physical address that was associated with the company was incorrect. So you got to be careful with that. If you’re going to do direct mail, make sure it’s a current list that has some sort of filtering or cleaning capability. But those three things are the ones that I feel are the best that I have personal experience with and like I said LinkedIn is going to be next on my list. Anybody else?

Yep.

Looks like we lost Marco to hump.

Yeah. Okay.

What can we implement to start getting our pipeline of leads making sales calls aside from ranking location pages? Yeah. So I’m not sure, if, if there’s if I didn’t interpret that question correctly, then please restate it below with a little bit more clarity, and I’ll try to get back to it.

What’s The Impact Of Blockchain, Decentralised Tech, And AI To SEO?

Nikolas says, Hey, guys with future techs, like blockchain, decentralized tech, and AI, where do you see SEO going? Also, what some creative ways to quickly benefit from iframes to our website? Well, Marco would be the perfect one to answer all of those. And unfortunately, he’s not here.

Adam, you’re doing a lot with AI stuff right now. Do you want to talk about that a little bit? Yeah, I’m just thinking. So with future tech, like blockchain, decentralized tech, and AI, where do you see SEO going? I don’t know. Yeah, I can only speak to the side of this, I’ll just speak to the stuff I know, I’ll let you connect the dots on the SEO side. Both Bradley Chris and then whoever else is watching. But the right now where we’re at is that this is really helping speed up testing a lot. So like the one I’ve used is product descriptions. So I went in, besides MGYB, I am part owner of another little e-commerce store. And I also help clients with e-commerce both on the funnel. And on the email marketing side. Long story short, though, one of the boring things that have a big impact is the product pages, like improving the title of your product, improving the product description, and a couple of other things on the page there. And writing product descriptions is really friggin boring. But it’s really important. And so a lot of these tools now, you can put in a few words about your product, and it’ll write a great product description. Yeah, like conversion.ai. And so coming in and using that will let you not only get past that hurdle of either having to hire someone and hoping that they know what the hell they’re doing, doing it yourself, or not having enough variations. So you can really get to the testing. So I think it was the, I don’t have the quote in front of me, and I apologize, but they’re the CEO or founder of VWO, you know, was talking about this. And where we’re at right now is that this is going to just speed up testing. And so I look at it the same way, from an SEO point of view, if you can come up with all of this content that you can test, you no longer have to really come up with it yourself, you just need to know that there are tools available that will allow you to do this. And then the next step is going to be tools that do the testing, integrating this type of stuff, where there is a tool I use right now. And I was talking to the founder on a call about some other stuff. And I said, Hey, have you guys played around with these, these writing tools, and he’s like, yeah, that’s the next step. He’s like, you know, our tool helps you speed up the testing process for things on-page, like a title, or description, or whatever it is. And I said, but now we want to integrate with these tools that do the writing. So you can say I want to test this title. And that’s it, it’s done. It tests the title for you and runs through, you know how many other options you give it. And it does the writing for you. Now, I assume there will still be some human interaction. But that that speed to testing is I think going to be crucial from the SEO side, where you’re getting traffic to a place, whatever it is a website or a YouTube channel, and being able to test all of this different kind of permutations. And it’s going to become easier both for the little guy to do this testing. But it’s going to become it’s kind of more of the same and yet different, these tools will trickle down and be available to someone for free or very low cost. But at the same time, you know, that human time spent maybe monitoring results and seeing what they really mean. That’s where the real value is going to be, I think on a lot of the content side of things. So long story short, we got a lot of cool tools we can use for testing right now. And if you’re not aware of them, I would spend half an hour just familiarizing yourself with some of these tools. Like Bradley showed one the conversion.ai and just sign up for a free trial if they have one. I don’t know. But there are tons of tools copy Smith snazzy.ai just go see what’s capable right now. And I don’t think you’re going to be like Oh God, you know, Skynet, the world’s ending. But it is impressive to see and I think it’s you can connect the dots real quick in your head and see where this is going. So yeah.

Yeah. So you know, Adam turned me on to this one just about a week ago actually, that I signed up for haven’t started using it yet. But this is conversion.ai, which I think is good for copy phrase.io this is good for tuning content for search. Similar to I think, what is it page optimizer pro and surfer SEO and in links and that kind of I mean, this was probably more basic than a lot of those other ones but it’s good for optimizing content and I think that’s where a lot of, at least in my opinion, you know, Marco is the one that does a lot more with AI stuff. He’s more plugged into that stuff than I am. But I think there’s going to be a lot of tools to help auto-optimize things. You know, we’re already seeing the content optimization tools and content production, you know, producing tools or generating tools that are using AI. I bet I think, you know, for example, in Google ads, I do a lot of stuff with Google ads, they’re using AI and machine learning. And in ADS now like to set up automated bidding strategies, right, you can, you can opt to use machine learning and AI and Google ads to auto-optimize your ads. And I don’t do that upfront. But once I have proven certain, you know, audiences and ads that are working well, then I will turn on automated bidding strategies or duplicate a campaign, but set that campaign using automated bidding strategies instead of manual bidding.

And in allowing it to, you know, a split test against my own optimization and adds to what I’m letting Google Optimize for me, and start to see and more often than not, as long as I have at least, proven a good ads campaign with the proper audience than when I move that over to test automated bidding strategies in Google, more often than not, so more than half the time, Google’s AI and, you know, automated bidding strategies end up outperforming what I was able to do on my own. So it’s, it’s been great, because it’s been able to improve, like where I’ve been, I’ve been able to get my ads to a certain spot. And then once I get them to that point, I put it into Google, you know, let Google take over. And, like I said, more often than not, so more than half the time, it ends up outperforming what I was able to do on my own. So not always the case, but more often than not. So I see that as something else that could be potentially coming into more SEO stuff as well would be like, auto optimizing website, right? For example, for example, like conversion optimization, I can see sometime in the near future, that pages will auto like, you know, split test pages on their own and change elements of the page and layouts of the page and things like that, to determine which are the highest converting rates, like which to optimize for conversions, and I could see that as something that’s coming. Right. So that it’s already out, man, is it? Yeah, yeah. But it’s gonna become the status quo. You know, in the next few years. I think that that because right now, it’s like, if I had a WordPress website, I agree. I know, it’s out there, Chris. But it’d be like, Where do I how do I do that? Where do I do that? Yeah. I mean, like, make it mainstream. I’m using a mainstream tool, but I’m not allowed to talk about it. So what can’t be mainstream? If you’re not talking about it, then?

I can’t tell anybody.

I think I can share it in Semantic Mastery. But like I said like I can say anything to the public. Go there. So, Bradley, I’m glad you brought up free. So I think that is the other side right now where you can get a lot of mileage out of this where let instead of you writing the content brief that, you know, this also goes back to the process. And since parts of this are being automated now, you can go into phrase type in a keyword, and have it auto-generate a content brief for you. And is it going to be perfect? To me? No, but it’s a start. And it’s a process, which I mean, I’m guilty of this, too, where it’s like, oh, I need an article for this. Well, I’ll just kind of outline it. And inevitably, I’m not doing the same thing each time. So like, these tools, to me really help. You know, if I have to hand it off, I can say, Okay, here’s the process, you go in here, you Click these buttons, you do a manual review, take this stuff out, and then hand it off to a writer, for example, instead of just being like, Okay, well, this is the article I’m looking for this time, you know, so I think those tools, as you said, Bradley are going to become even better, and they’re already pretty freak in good. Yeah. And that’s a good point that you made about that. Because, you know, I still order a lot of content from writers. And sometimes I’ll need a piece of content for something and, you know, I’ll be staring at the order submission screen and like, I draw a blank, like, what the hell should know, how do I describe what I need. And so what he just said about a content brief is a good point, because I can go to phrase now, and type in a query or put in a keyword or something and hit go and it will spit out a content brief and natural, like seed the idea for the content that I need, as opposed to me having to come up with something so it does definitely save time. And that’s kind of where I see things going with AI with some quickly quick ways to benefit from iframes to our website. Well, I mean, we talked about all that stuff with theme mirroring and using the G site and everything else if you’re not familiar with what we talked about with iframe stacking and all that, that’s taught in heavy hitter club, Semantic Mastery Mastermind as well as RYS Academy. However, you know, you can go through our YouTube channel and get lots of high-level overviews of what the mirroring is, and how we do it using the G site and the drive stacks and everything else that we do to write. So siloing, GMB posts siloing press releases, we mirror the same silo structure from your website onto everything that you do. And the way that you stack and interlink content should all be consistent, as well. And so, you know, one of the quickest things, the best things you can do is iframe your website into corresponding pages on the G site that are mirrored right, so a one to one relationship or one to one ratio, from your primary pages on your website to your primary pages on your G site, right, you want to duplicate your primary pages from your website into your G site, when I say that you don’t need to copy and paste content, all I do is duplicate the pages on the G site. To create an inner page on the G site to match the inner pages of my main site. And then I just iframe the money site into the G site, there’s your content, you don’t need to go through all the copy and paste and everything because Google will read the content from your money page through the G site, the iframe on the G site. And so that becomes the content for the page. And then we talk about stacking different pieces of content together that are relevant. I talked about that many times and they hang out again, you can just go to our YouTube channel. So youtube.com/semantic mastery, then go to the channel search feature and just search that kind of stuff out like theme mirroring iframes g sites or stacking, iframe, stalking, all that kind of stuff and just start going through because we’ve got a ton of information in there about how to do it.

But then you just hammer your G site with backlinks. And then you can power up your money site page without actually physically directly linking to your money site. And that’s how we’ve been doing it for years now. And it just works incredibly well. So hopefully that makes some sense.

In What Order Should You Create The GMB And Gsite?

Bb’s up with many questions as usual. What’s up, BB. Hey, guys, what is better to start a GMB and then start a G site/website or backward a site and then a GMB or start parallelly it’s a hard word to say, or start search ads and then organic viewing. Okay, well, there’s a couple of things here, BB.

If you don’t know the industry, then I would highly recommend that you start with ads, the keywords that drive traffic and conversions. It’s not just about traffic, because you might, you know, I made the mistake years ago, I just didn’t do ads for a very, very long time at all. And I would always just start with SEO and in part because it was really easy to rank. But you know, it’s become more complex and more difficult. There’s no question. And so if I’m going into it, which I don’t, I don’t like to go into any new industries. Now I like to just stick with what I know. But if I was to go into a new industry, then what I would do is set up a Google Ads campaign first to figure out which keywords are going to produce not just traffic and clicks, but conversions, right, that’s the optimum goal is conversions. So if you just look at keyword tools and look at search volume, that doesn’t tell you the whole picture, right, that only gives you part of the story.

Am I still alive, guys, I see the page doing some weird stuff. You look, I think you’re good. Let me check the page. Okay. It was uh, it was doing some refreshing or some weird shit. Anyway, um, so what I’m saying is if you go just look at search volume and stuff and think that you’re going to optimize for keywords based upon search metrics, right search numbers, search volume numbers, then you can end up spending time, money and effort, creating content, and trying to rank for keywords that might produce a lot of traffic, but they just don’t convert, or they’re they don’t have buyer intent, or whatever. And so what I like to do is spend money upfront, which by the way, when you first start running ad campaigns, even if it’s not like Google search ads, you’re going to spend a lot of money depending on what it is. But for local stuff, I mean, clicks can be super expensive.

But even YouTube and things like that, like the way I look at it, is any new ad campaign for Google ads, specifically, it’s like the first 30 days, you should really just assume that you’re just buying data, right? Like you’re it’s rare that I start a new ads campaign in a new industry that I’ve not ever done any testing in and get immediate results like positive ROI, right? Like it’s very rare, it’s usually I’m gonna lose money upfront. But once I have enough data, then I can start to optimize, where I see the most opportunity stop spending money on ads, or keywords or creatives or whatever that aren’t really relevant aren’t producing, redirect those funds into what was producing and then start optimizing those producing campaigns to you know, optimize them even more so that they’re performing even better. And so I just look at using ads upfront when it’s a new industry. If it’s a new topic, new industry, whatever I look at, okay.

I’m going to spend money on buying data first. Once I have that data, then I’m going to start to optimize my campaigns to put that budget to good use to start turning a profit, right or making a return on investment. And then from there, I continue to optimize. So my first strategy would be if I don’t know an industry, I’d start with Google ads to figure out what those keywords are the ones that are going to produce traffic, but also convert, and then I would start optimizing content for that, right. So start the SEO process, which would be building the, you know, getting content written, optimizing for that, and all the other stuff that we do. If I already know the industry, then you know, I use, you know, I still use ads usually to jumpstart a campaign, but I’ll go right for the keywords and everything that I already know, to be effective and to be what people use and what I love about the tree service industries. There are really only five keywords that drive all you know, 90% of all traffic is driven from five keywords. So it’s beautiful because I can optimize for those five, I don’t need to continually do keyword research and all that other shit. You know, as far as whether I would do GMB first or website build first It doesn’t matter. I mean, I like to go with GM I what depends, right? Again, it depends always depends. If you have a real business that can be verified. It’s not a spammed GMB listing, then there’s no reason that you can’t start with the GMB or just do both in the parallel right, the GMB as well as the website everything else. If you’re dealing with a spammed GMB listing, then I recommend that you get the website set up first with the brand name, the domain that’s going to be associated with the GMB. You get the structure. You get as much detail on the page as possible. Like you don’t have to have a full-on built-out website. But I mean, the homepage on the root domain for that project should have something that’s relevant. It should have the company name the contact information that’s going to be used with the GMB. So name, address phone number, structured data at the very minimum organization schema, if you’re going to do it, if it’s for local business, which GM bees are supposed to be for local business, then put local business schema on the page and then go try to claim and verify the GMB right or to associate the GMB with the website if that makes sense. So it depends if it’s a valid business and it doesn’t mean you can’t you can start with the GMB or run both parallels. That’s typically how I will do it. But if it’s a spam GMB, then I try to get the web asset set up first, before trying to associate the GMB with it or get the GMB if I’m starting from scratch, so that it has a reference point that Google can see that has some validity to it. Right. So for example, not just have the domain but

I just kind of figured out a ticker earlier this week.

Well, let’s just say have the domain registered, you might want to use something like G Suite or Google workspaces for your email for that domain because that means you’re paying Google for that domain, right? Like you now you have a paid account with Google that is associated with that domain so that when you try to tie the GMB to that domain, there is some validation there that it’s not spam, because you got a paid account. Remember, Google workspaces, guys, if you go with a basic workspace account, formerly G Suite, it’s six bucks a month. So don’t be cheap, spend six damn dollars a month, and have that additional verification or validation for that, less likely to be spam, if that makes sense. Okay.

It’s a good question, though.

Are GSA Links Also Web 2.0 Contextual Links?

Next question. Are GSA links, also web 2.0 contextual links, some of them are.

But some are not web 2.0. contextual links are meaning blogger type, you know, blogging type platforms that allow you to post articles and blog posts published, excuse me, text-based content. I mean, it can have images and media and stuff in it looks like blog-style posts. The contextual link means a link within the content. That’s why it’s called a contextual link. Right. So that, you know, GSA can have all kinds of crap stuff in there, though. That’s why we only recommend GSA out of like, third or fourth tier, that’s what we call I called GSA links, kitchen sink, spam, right? Throw everything at it, but the kitchen sink Well, this is the kitchen sink. So we have we’ve been calling a kitchen sink spam for years, but that’s what GSA does. Now some people that are super skilled with GSA know how to use it for just web 2.0 blogs and all that’s great. I don’t know how to use any MDM tools because I’ve always had a link-building guy that does it for us are the same one that does it for MGYB. So I don’t know how to use all the tools and I really don’t care. All I’m saying is if you’re going to use GSA links, they’re more than just contextual web two Dotto there. Some of those can be mixed in there’s no question. Those are some of the platforms. But GSA is a known spamming tool. So a lot of the platforms that you will connect with Are you know, forums.

And just all different kinds of stuff. So just remember web 2.0 typically means blogging-type sites, right? And contextual links are links within the content body of a post or an article. So they’re more powerful because there’s you know, they’re contextual meaning the link can benefit from the context that it’s in, right that the context that it’s buried within. So there are associations that can be made with the content and the keywords and everything else. So that’s what a contextual link is. Why do you recommend buying first and tear web to contextual links, and third and fourth, to buy GSA links for exactly what I just said, you get a lot more power out of a contextual link, because Google can understand the relevancy from the keyword theme, the keyword set all of that’s on the page. And that is a contextual link is more powerful and safer than a lot of these other types of links if that makes sense.

So and I only recommend building first and second-tier web 2.0 contextual links, because that’s what our link builder has been telling us to do. Whatever he tells us to do is what we do that makes sense.

Which, you know, maybe you could always post in the free Facebook group and tag data on a question. No questions about that. And now in the free group, I don’t know how much you get in there, how deep you get news answers. But definitely in some of our paid groups, he, you know, other people ask questions about link building stuff. And he’s, he’s a wealth of information about that. He’s really skilled. So

Do You Have A Service Of Closing Lead Gen Clients?

do you have any service of closing lead gen clients? I’m not sure what that means, BB. Do I have a service? for closing lead gen clients? Or I’m not? I’m not sure I understand the question. But if that’s what you’re asking, Do I have a service for closing lead gen clients? I mean, I do that in-house. I still do all my own sales. Although the new agency that I just launched on Monday.

I’ll talk about it more later, another time. But that I fully plan on hiring a full-time salesperson. But not I mean, I’ve got got to get some revenue in that agency first. But that is one of my top priorities is to hire a salesperson. Right? So But no, I still do all the closing myself. So I mentioned this at the beginning of today’s webinar, I use a high level. Again, check it out semantic mastery, comm slash high level, you got a 14-day free trial. If you’re only doing it for prospecting and sales for your own agency, you only need one seat. So you don’t need the agency-level account or all that other stuff. I used just the $97 a month high-level account for my own stuff for many, many months. Now I’m on to what’s called a high-level Pro, it’s 500 bucks a month. But that’s for a very specific reason, anyway.

Yeah, I mean, I just do exactly what I said at the beginning of this, which is I do cold emails, direct mail, and voicemail drops right now are my three primary methods for prospecting. And then once a conversation gets started, which is for me, that’s the primary objective for the prospecting campaigns is to just get a conversation started, the hardest thing that I found when you’re trying to sell marketing services, is getting a conversation started, because as soon as a prospective business owner thinks that it’s a solicitation call, they put up their defenses and the conversation, tanks immediately, right, it goes downhill, right off the bat, because they, they, they smell a sale coming. And so, you know, I found over the years, the best way to get a conversation started, or once I get a conversation started, if I can get a conversation started, then I can typically do fairly well. So for me, when it comes to lead gen stuff like selling leads, then what I often do is we’ll we’ll approach a contractor about, you know, asking them questions about what they’re, you know, if they’re, if they are accepting new jobs in a particular area, or whatever, or and then once they reply back, then I’ll send them you know, basically a, and I’ve talked about this in video lead gen system, guys, but for lead gen stuff, I’ll say, you know, Hey, are you doing jobs in, you know, whatever city, if they reply back, and I’ll say, Okay, well, I’ve got several jobs that need to be completed. It’s kind of hard to explain, though, can I send you a video showing you what I’ve got? And I so essentially asking, and it’s whether this is email or SMS, it doesn’t matter. It’s either way. But once I get their permission, when they reply back and say, Sure, go ahead or yes to some sort of positive intent reply, which by the way, all this can be automated in high level, right? Because they have intent triggers and all like so like, essentially, if somebody replied back with Yes, or Sure, go ahead, send it you know, anything like that with positive intent, then the automation will send them back another email or an SMS, depending on which medium we were like, you know which platform we were using communication channel we’re using, then we’ll send them back with a link to a landing page where it will show like hey, I’ve got leads in this area.

All right now, and I’d like to give you three of them for free. And right now I’m doing five for free. So I say five leads for free. If you’re interested, just fill out the form below, which is a very simple contact form. And then they fill out that contact form. And it notifies me that I’ve got a new form submission. And then I call them to follow up, say, hey, okay, great. Let me just confirm your service area, what type of jobs you’re looking for, and I’m going to enter you into my system. And I’ll send you five leads at the end of those five leads, I’m going to follow up with you to find out if you want to continue working together. That’s how I do it for leads. I’m doing something similar for clients, which I’m trying to take clients on for my new agency staff. But it works really, really well. And here’s the thing, like I said, it’s, I’ve set up this funnel, and I talked about this and POFU Live last year, for 2020. And all of what I just talked about is explicitly laid out in the POFU Live recordings, which are still available. So if you want this exact method, then go by that POFU Live 2020 recordings, and you’ll see exactly how I built this in high level and exactly what I’m doing in my messaging and everything, okay. But it works, it works really well. And here’s what I here’s what I’ve learned, though, is I had set up all these automation and everything to try to get potential lead buyers to go through that funnel, to where only I would only you know, basically, they would get entered into my lead distribution system, which I’m using lead, simplify, Matt, Mike Martin’s lead simplified, that’s what I use for lead distribution and everything.

And I had set everything up hoping to get people to go through all that funnel-like to where it would be automated until they had signed up. And then I would call them. That’s not how it works. Unfortunately, you know, after. I mean, the prospecting machine works really well. But I’ve only had three people, since I started in September, actually go through the full funnel process and book a call with me and all that other stuff. Generally what happens, like almost always what happens is, they’ll start through that funnel sequence like all the automation. And at some point, the conversation gets transferred to me because they ask a question or something that the automation can’t handle. And so I end up having to jump into the conversation and taking it from there. But it’s fine because at least they’re intrigued at that point. They’re interested. And so it’s not, that’s the hardest part, as I mentioned before was getting the conversation started. Well, at this point, the conversation has been started through automation through an automated fashion, right, through automation, it’s been started and then I take over from there and jump into the conversation where appropriate, and then take it from there. And it’s been so much easier that way for me. And at first, as I said, when I set all that up, I was hoping to get people to go all the way through the automation without having personal contact with me. But then after I realized that I was going to have to take the jump into the conversation before most people would go all the way through the funnel. I’ve realized now that now I don’t even wait as I like as soon as they reply back to the front end of the campaign. Especially because all I’m dealing with these tree guys now and landscaping contractors is I just jumped on the phone with them immediately. Like as soon as I see that they’ve engaged with my sequencing, my messaging, my, my automation, then I jump right in and just take over and I’ll pick up the phone and call in a heartbeat now, and just and jump on the phone with them and try it because it shortcuts the process for me and I get to a sale quicker if that makes sense. So the automation and all are great. And for those that make it all the way through. It’s fantastic. But it’s so rare that I use all of that automation, just to get the conversation started kind of eliminates those people that aren’t interested, those that are going to ask questions, and then I can jump in and take over the conversation at that point. And steer the conversation in the right direction. So anyway, hopefully, hopefully that made some sense.

Well, it says dates and times, and questions work fine on my Mac. Yeah, I know. Well, you keep pushing your Mac stuff. But you’re not going to sell me on it. Keep trying. Oh, buddy. heresy. Keep trying. We’re almost done, guys. We’re gonna run out of questions. Anyway.

Is There An Ideal Depth For iFrame Stack Loops?

So Jim says, Is there an ideal depth for iframe stack loops? Is there any more benefit achieved from going 1000 deep versus 10? Deep on the iframes? Is this something? This is something I haven’t tested very thoroughly. Thanks, gang. Again, Marco would have to answer that. I don’t know. I know some of our mastermind members have done some really nasty stuff with iframes to the point where if you open up a page on your in your browser, it will literally lock your whole computer up because it just takes all the cash in memory and just locks it up. And I’ve done it like I’ve had to literally hard reset my computer reboot my computer while holding the power button down because an iframe locked the whole damn PC up.

And I have seen that happen on several occasions.

So I typically don’t try going that deep. But I know some of our mastermind members have, unfortunately, Marco is not here to answer your questions. So perhaps you could repost that, Jim, next week, and Marco will be back hopefully, to answer it then.

How Does Google Privacy Sandbox Affect SEO And Ads?

okay, last question, guys. And then we’re gonna wrap it up a little bit early, which is fine. This says, How will the Google privacy sandbox affect SEO and ads? And what is your take on the upcoming changes? You know, I? I don’t know yet. As far as you’re talking about, like, because of like, privacy concerns with audience targeting and interest-based targeting and stuff like that. I don’t think that that’s going to affect Google as much as it has Facebook, Facebook, you’re already starting to see and I don’t do Facebook ads. Okay. But I know enough people, obviously that I’m colleagues and such the dude, and know that Facebook is already experiencing a lot of problems with ads and stuff because of their privacy concerns. And what Apple I guess, now stopped reporting back to Facebook, which is was a huge hit to them.

JOHN Beltre, I think his name is he’s got a great, let me see if I can pull this up. Because this is something you should, I think it’s john T. Belcher.

The death of pixels, I think is the name of the

Yeah, right there. Okay. So this guy’s I would go check this out. He’s got a free course. This might actually yeah, I’m already it looks like I’m still logged into this course. Because I started going through the training. It’s a free course called the death of pixels. Let me grab Let me see if this is the share URL because it’s probably not. Yeah, it is. Okay, cool. I’m gonna copy that and paste it on the page.

So if you go through that, it makes a lot of sense, a lot of it has to do with attribution. If you do what they call server to server attribution, and said, all that kind of tracking upconversion, tracking and everything up, then you can still, you can still have the sort of audiences and you know, interest base and behavioral-based targeting and all that kind of stuff that you’re you’ve probably grown used to. But you have to set that stuff up on your side. And you have to be real careful about, like, how you handle the data and all that kind of stuff.

Because you know, you can get in trouble if you don’t do it correctly, and all that kind of stuff. So I would highly encourage you to go check that out. As I was saying, I think it’s more affecting, like Facebook now than it is Google. I don’t even know if it’s affecting Google, to be honest with you. This kind of stuff. So does Bradley. That’s why he asked for the Google prices sandbox. Like, from what I know.

They’re pretty much doing the same on Chrome like somewhat Apple did.

Yeah, but what I’m saying is with Tag Manager, it’s like the server to server conversion tracking. It’s, you know, Facebook doesn’t give that to you. But Google does through Tag Manager, is what I’m saying. So it’s different. And also if you’re using Google Analytics because, Facebook has like conversions API, which is exactly the same as so it’s a server tracking.

Okay, well, again, I don’t do Facebook ads. So I don’t know any of that shit. But I know that there’s a lot of people whining on Facebook, about Facebook ads and how they’re, Yeah, we are.

When the virus is like, it’s pretty much pushed up by marketing people to sell you more stuff. And also, there’s like, the war between Apple and Facebook. It’s just like, all the media that is pushing it like, the reality is it’s like almost doing impact, in my opinion, like, yeah, if things change a bit, are you doing it?

But you gotta realize all the big companies, they got the data already, right. So they are not there is no law, like no changes that they’re gonna append the data. It’s just a little bit of fresh data that getting into their systems is a bit restricted.

And at the same time, they got their email addresses to get all those things right now, the plastic got fingerprint matchups and an entered like, I don’t think many people are talking about. So sounds like you’ve got a course that you need to produce there, Chris? Well, it depends if it pays well enough, like right now, like it didn’t have enough requests for anything, but that could be an option. Yeah, definitely.

Well, there you go. Next time, you have a question about conversion tracking and privacy’s, you know, address that one to Chris and should be good to go then sure thing

That’s what I’m here. Alright, guys, we’re gonna wrap it up. Thanks, everybody for being here.

Source: Semantic Mastery Weekly SEO Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 327 published first on your-t1-blog-url

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localwebmgmt · 4 years ago

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Weekly SEO Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 327

youtube

Click on the video above to watch Episode 327 of the Semantic Mastery Hump Day Hangouts.

Full timestamps with topics and times can be found at the link above.

The latest upcoming free SEO Q&A Hump Day Hangout can be found at http://semanticmastery.com/humpday.

Announcement

All right, fair enough. Marco. What? How’s the weather with you?

It doesn’t change, man.

very nice. Well, Bradley, how you doing on the East Coast today?

Yeah, but the same as always is low cooler, but 15 and sunny. So that’s a cold day here in the Bay Area. So can’t complain.

Nice. All right, and then if you have your live instructions, the link is on there, if you need it, so anything else you guys before we get started?

All right. Let’s do it.

I didn’t refresh the page. And I was still looking at last week’s webinar on the page. I was like, wait a minute, shit.

All right. Let me get the screen.

You guys are seeing my screen? Correct. Good to go. Yep.

Alright, so where are we?

Thoughts On Chameleon Mode In BrowSEO

How To Push More Power And Authority To All Posts On The Money Site?

Does anybody want to comment on that?

Join the heavy hitter club. That’s what we have the mad.

What Is The Quickest And Cheapest Way For A Starting SEO Agency To Get Leads And Make Sales?

The first way I interpret it would be how, what’s the quickest way you can start getting leads for your agency? I think that’s what you’re asking.

Yep.

Looks like we lost Marco to hump.

Yeah. Okay.

What’s The Impact Of Blockchain, Decentralised Tech, And AI To SEO?

I can’t tell anybody.

In What Order Should You Create The GMB And Gsite?

I just kind of figured out a ticker earlier this week.

It’s a good question, though.

Are GSA Links Also Web 2.0 Contextual Links?

Next question. Are GSA links, also web 2.0 contextual links, some of them are.

Do You Have A Service Of Closing Lead Gen Clients?

Is There An Ideal Depth For iFrame Stack Loops?

And I have seen that happen on several occasions.

How Does Google Privacy Sandbox Affect SEO And Ads?

JOHN Beltre, I think his name is he’s got a great, let me see if I can pull this up. Because this is something you should, I think it’s john T. Belcher.

The death of pixels, I think is the name of the

They’re pretty much doing the same on Chrome like somewhat Apple did.

Okay, well, again, I don’t do Facebook ads. So I don’t know any of that shit. But I know that there’s a lot of people whining on Facebook, about Facebook ads and how they’re, Yeah, we are.

Well, there you go. Next time, you have a question about conversion tracking and privacy’s, you know, address that one to Chris and should be good to go then sure thing

That’s what I’m here. Alright, guys, we’re gonna wrap it up. Thanks, everybody for being here.

Source: Semantic Mastery Weekly SEO Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 327 published first on your-t1-blog-url

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staygoldenlightning · 7 years ago

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And how I wear them.

Much like a Bratz doll, I am a girl with a passion for fashion, and one of the only things I enjoy more than adding a few new items to my closet now and again is finding something old that still makes me feel great when I wear it. Vintage, thrifted, hand-me-downs—I have some of all of it in my closet. While the weather here hasn’t been great for picture-taking (except one marvelous day where we went for a walk and happened upon the prettiest flowered tree less than a block from our apartment), I wanted to give some of the oldest pieces of clothing in my closet some love.

For one thing, some of them are pretty summery (can we just skip spring? It’s objectively the worst season). Another thing to note is that most of them are tops, because if I had pants from the 90s that still fit, there would be some serious problems my doctor would need to address, considering I was less than five years old. YET SOMEHOW, I have tops that I owned as a child in this post. I think it’s some sort of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants type magic at work.

On the other hand, I also have a few pieces that were handed down to me from my mother, like precious family heirlooms (not really). But with one of them especially, it’s been so cool to have something that went from in style to very out of style to in style again. (Ok, enough stalling).

Hard Rock Cafe T-shirt: Let me start by saying that this isn’t the only ~vintage~ hard rock tee I have. My mom (and dad) had half a drawer full of them, and I ended up with most of them. I’m not sure which shirts belonged to who, but I wear them with pride. I’m the kind of person who has fallen down the stairs at a Hard Rock Cafe because I was staring at something cool on the wall (and fun fact, I collect the printed drumsticks they sell. I have a pair from every location I’ve been to and then some). I’m a rock and roll babe if there ever was one. So, when these slouchy, who-knows-how-old tees were given to me, I made some adjustments with my own handy dandy scissors. I wear this black one constantly when the weather is nice because it just skims the top of mid-rise jeans or shorts and it’s super breezy and just makes me feel all kinds of cool. I love the neon colors. They make me think of how Taco Bells used to look on the inside or those radical paper cups with the squigglies on them (you know the ones).

You’ll have to forgive me for not trying all these on. Maybe someday.

Sailor Moon T-shirt: You’ve seen this one before, mainly because it’s the one I’m proudest of and I’m obsessed with it. Check out the close up: printed right on the front is a beautifully faded ©1999. This shirt is from the 90s, just like me. I found it in the back of my closet a few years back, remembered wearing it as a Sailor-Moon-obsessed little girl, tried it on, and now wear it as a Sailor-Moon-obsessed adult woman. I can only imagine it was big on me when I got it, but it fits PERFECTLY as a crop top now, and it looks cute with jeans, skirts, or any of the red bottoms that I unearth when the occasion arises. I still can’t believe this gem.

Harry Potter Long Sleeve: When you ask for the receipts, I bring ’em—this tag has a big ol’ ©2000 on it. The new millennium: a time for celebration, boy wizards, and another failed attempt for people who like to predict the end of the world over and over and over. Anyway, the sleeves on this thing are miraculously still long enough that I don’t look like I’ve grown out of it but refuse to let go. The red lettering on the front is in a very squishy, vinyl material, quite a product of its time. My favorite part might be the golden snitch on the sleeve, though. I wear this more so at home during lounging hours, but I wouldn’t hesitate to wear it in public either. If it hadn’t been 95 degrees outside when I went to Harry Potter land at Universal, I would have put it on.

Floral romper: Finally, the pièce de résistance. Even for April, I didn’t have a hope of it being warm enough in northeast Ohio to put this on and leave the house, but I’ll probably take this to the beach with me in July (HOORAY VACATION). This little romper (which looks deceivingly like a dress when you’re standing still because of the wide-cut shorts) also belonged to my mom, and if I’ve got my story straight, she bought it in Florida on her honeymoon. That means it pre-dates the Sailor Moon shirt by about six years and me by about one year. It’s living proof that everything really does come back around eventually (except stop telling me flared jeans are coming back. You can pry my skinnies and straight-legs from my cold, dead hands). It’s loud, it’s proud, and it’s just on the verge of being too outdated, and that’s what I love most about it. No worries about showing up to the barbecue in practically the same thing as everyone else. Sometimes I wear it with a belt, sometimes I don’t. I’m bold. I fear nothing. Not even the loudest combination of print and color you’ve ever seen. ALL OVER.

I have always felt weird wearing tennis shoes when not exercising. I don’t think I can do athleisure, but I’m too old and need the arch support when we go walking.

So there’s a little taste of the oldest clothes in my closet and why I’ll never give them up. I’m as vulnerable to the sale rack as anyone else, but sometimes it’s just more fun to find new wears to wear the same old stuff. Even if the same old stuff is almost as old as you.

NEW POST: The Oldest Clothes I Own And how I wear them. Much like a Bratz doll, I am a girl with a passion for fashion, and one of the only things I enjoy more than adding a few new items to my closet now and again is finding something old that still makes me feel great when I wear it.

#Fashion #Style #Vintage

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wildstarsthings · 7 years ago

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Here is a longer sneak peak!

Blueberry's shoes tapped a cheerful rhythm that described her dreadful mood, as she walked through the halls of Mt Ebott high. People watched her with curious eyes.

After double checking her schedule, Blue found the biology lab and hurried to claim a seat near the window in the corner. If she had to be indoors, she wanted to at least see outside and feel the warmth from the sun. The rest of the class slowly filled. One boy smiled in her direction as he walked to the front of the classroom as she tried to muster a smile in return. She hoped he didn't think it was a grimace.

A tall, healthy looking man introduced himself as Mr. Gaster and began passing out textbooks. The beginning of the book seemed fairly standard-classification of plants and some animals, which she knew-then it started to move into human anatomy. Around page 80, the text started to resemble a foreign language. Blue grumbled under her breath. This was going to be a long semester.

As Mr. Gaster had started to called out roll, Blue recognized some of the names from her first two classes that morning, but it would take her a while to connect faces with names around her. She felt different in the sea of unfamiliar people.

Her mom had assured her that every sophomore would feel the same-after all, it was their first day in high school too- but no one else looked lost or scared. Maybe being lost and scared was something you got used to after years of public school.

Homeschooling had worked just fine for Blue over the last ten years; she didn't see why it had to change. But her parents were determined to do everything right for their only child. When she was five, that meant being home-schooled in a tiny town. Apparently, now that,since she was fifteen, it meant public school, in a slightly less tiny town.

The room grew quiet and Blue snapped into attention when the teacher repeated her name. "Blueberry?"

‎"H-here," she said quickly.

She squirmed as Mr. Gaster studied her over the rim of the paper and then moved on to the next name.

Blue released the breath she'd been holding and pulled out her notebook. Drawing, trying to draw little attention possible.

As the teacher explained how the semester is going to go, her eyes kept straying to the boy who smiled at her earlier. She had to stifle a grin when she noticed him sneaking glance at her too.

When Mr. Gaster released them for lunch, as Blue gladly slid her book into her bag. F͟r͟e͟e͟d͟o͟m͟, she thought(my føñt doesn't want to work).

"Hey."

She looked up. It was the boy who'd been watching her. His eyes caught her attention first. They were a covered by sunglasses. Kind of neat. He looked from he was from the 90's.

"You're Blueberry, r-right? You wouldn't believe how many times I've asked this" He smiled with very straight teeth. Braces probably, Blue thought as her tongue unconsciously ran over her own teeth, also straight, lucky for her they were naturally straight.

"Yeah." Her voice caught and she coughed, feeling stupid of herself.

"I'm Fresh. I-I wanted to say hi a-and welcome to Mt. Ebott City, I guess? I know cheesy name."

Blue forced a small smile. "Thanks," she said.

"Want to sit with me and my friends for lunch?" Fresh offered.

‎ "Where?" Blue asked.

Fresh looked at her strangely. "In....the cafeteria?"

‎"Oh" she said disappointed. They seemed nice, but she was tired of being cooped up inside. "Actually, I'm going to go find a place outside." She paused. "Thank you, though."

"Outside sounds good to me. Want some company?"

"Really?"

"Sure. I've got my lunch in my backpack, so I'm all set. Besides,"he said, swinging his bag onto his shoulder,"you shouldn't sit all alone on your first day!"

"Thanks," she said after a bit of hesitation. "I'd like that."

They walked out to the back lawn together and found a tree to sit under, that wasn't to damp. Blue spread her bandana on the ground and sat on it; Fresh kept his jacket on. "Aren't you cold?" He asked, looking skeptically at her shorts and short sleeve shirt.

She slipped off her shoes and dug her ecto toes into the the thick grass. "I don't get cold very often- at least not here. If we go somewhere with snow, I'm miserable! But this weather is perfect"she sighs and smiled awkwardly. " People say I'm cold-blooded."

‎"Lucky you. I moved here from HotLands about five years ago and I'm still not used to the temperature."

"It's not t͟h͟a͟t͟ cold. Is it?"

"Y-yeah!," Fresh said with a grin." But it's not entirely warm ether. After our first year here, I looked up the weather records; did you know that the difference between the average temperature in July and January is only fourteen degrees?! Now that's messed up."

They fell silent as Fresh ate a sandwich and Blue poked at a salad with a fork.

"My roommate packed an extra cupcake," Fresh said to break the awkward silent between them. "Want it?" He held out a pretty cupcake with a pink and blue frosting mixing where they meet.

"No, thanks."

Fresh looked at her salad doubtfully. "Curse you healthy salads."he muttered under his breath and looked at the cupcake.

"It isn't a diet." Blue said as she tapped her can of Sprite.

"I didn't mean-"

"I'm vegan," Blue interrupted. "Pretty strict, actually"

"Oh yeah?"

She nodded, then laughed stiffly. "Can't have to many veggies, right?"

"I guess not?"

Fresh cleared his throat and asked,"so when did you move here?"

"In May. I've been working for my dad a lot. He owns the the bookstore downtown."

"Really?" Fresh asked" I went there the past two weeks. It's a great store. I don't remember seeing you there though."

"That's my moms fault. She dragged me around shopping for school supplies all week. This is the first year I haven't been homeschooled, and my mom's convinced I don't have school supplies."

"Homeschooled?"

"Yeah. They're forcing me to go public."

He grinned. "Well, I'm glad they did. " he looked down at his cupcake for a few moments." Do you miss your old town?"

"Sometimes." She smiled softly. "But it's nice here. My old town, Jacksonville, is seriously small. Like five-hundred-people small."

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actuallyjunmyeon · 7 years ago

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1 through 155, 💕💕💕luv ur blog sm

Love you 💞💞💞

1:Full name - Taja (Sou) Rain Johnson 2:Age - 143: Fears - The dark ckavfka4.things I love - I love a lot of things and ppl so uh…5. turns on - Money (shkfvskxva im kidding but did I mention Chanyeol is my y*ff prince??) 6:4 turns off - 7:My best friend - her name is Raina and we’ve been friends for 9 years and all my mutuals are my friends 💞8:Sexual orientation - GAYYYYYY (bi) 9:My best first date -uhhh wat? 10:How tall am I -5'7" 11:What do I miss - YIXINGYIXINGYIXINGYIXINGYIXINGYI-12:What time were I born - Uhhh like 6:am?? Or something like that 13:Favourite color - Coral pink and Blue14:Do I have a crush - ******15:Favourite quote - “Do just move forward … be ahead”16:Favourite place -LA MAN 17:Favourite food - CHEESEFRIES ARE YOU KIDDING ME??18:Do I use sarcasm - I dunno Do I???19:What am I listening to right now - Exo Sweet lies 🤧20:First thing I notice in new person -Smile or Hair 21:Shoe size - likeee 9 in men’s??22:Eye color -Poop Brown 23:Hair color - it’s like and ugly silvery greenish thing?? Idk 24:Favourite style of clothing -I like aesthetic bfkah but I’m lazy so I usually wear sweatpants 25:Kiss someone that starts with the letter “R”? - …is this a command or have I?? I’m confused 27:Meaning behind my URL - Lmao it’s a lyric from JunoFlo’s song Panorama and I idk I like Van Gogh so..28:Kiss someone that starts with the letter “M”? - Still confused 29:Favourite song -…..yeah I don’t know 30:Favourite band -….. No31:How I feel right now - Quite relaxed 32:Someone I love - I love a lotta ppl don’t do this 33:My current relationship status - SINGLE LMAOOO34:My relationship with my parents - I live with mom and she great. I haven’t talked to my father in like 3 years?? 35:Favourite holiday - Christmas 36:Tattoos and piercing i have - none 37:Tattoos and piercing i want - maybe a sleeve…but I love chanyeols tattoos and I want a tiny exo logo on my wrist38:The reason I joined Tumblr - I was gay and needed a place to be gay 39:Do I and my last ex hate each other? -not sure??? 40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - from the fam lol 41:Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - nope 42:When did I last hold hands? - yesterday? 43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - it takes me like an hour but I get up 20 mins before school starts so I don’t really have time to do anything 44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - lololololololol45:Where am I right now? - bed :)46:If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - uh I usually take care of myself when im drunk 47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - L O U D 48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - Mum 49:Am I excited for anything? - hmmmmm Halloween 50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - Lots lol 51:How often do I wear a fake smile? - most of my smiles are genuine 52:When was the last time I hugged someone? - today53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - good for them??54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - uhhhhh everyone at school lol55:What is something I disliked about today? - nothing :)56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? -EXOEXOEXOEXOEXOEXOEXO57:What do I think about most? - Everything lol 58:What’s my strangest talent? - I have no talent cahfkan59:Do I have any strange phobias? -gdkavcksv60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? -hmmmm behind 61:What was the last lie I told? - that I was going to sleep lmao 62:Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - phone 63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - BOTH ARE REAL OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES 64:Do I believe in magic? - Hmmmm sure 65:Do I believe in luck? - why not? 66:What’s the weather like right now? - cold af 67:What was the last book I’ve read? - uhhhhhhhhhh Romeo and Juliet ? 68:Do I like the smell of gasoline? -… what?? 69:Do I have any nicknames? - I have a lot that are all from my sister but I won’t tell cause holy shit there are a lot 70:What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - I have myself a 3rd degree burn one time 71:Do I spend money or save it? -spend sadly 72:Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - who the fu- 73:Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? - (A DI-) my posters lol 74:Favourite animal? - hmmm wolves cause… yeah idk they’re cool 75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM? -cleaning pft76:What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - NATAS 77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Monsta x Incomparable 78:How can you win my heart? - Being genuine 79:What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - “He loved Park Chanyeol with all his being” 80:What is my favorite word? - Don’t have one 81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr - uhhhh no I can’t choose 82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - (I WANNA DI-) PARK CHANYEOL PLEASE BE MY FRIEND 83:Do I have any relatives in jail? - I don’t think so???84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - Invisibility 85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - “Are you a furry?”86:What is my current desktop picture? I don’t have a computer dkavfks87:Had sex? - IM 88:Bought condoms? - A 89:Gotten pregnant? - CHILD 90:Failed a class?- no91:Kissed a boy? - nope 92:Kissed a girl? - ha 93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - wut? 94:Had job? - I have two jobs 95:Left the house without my wallet? - I don’t even have money dude 96:Bullied someone on the internet? - nope 97:Had sex in public? - CHILD 98:Played on a sports team? - Basketball and volleyball 99:Smoked weed? - yes but it didn’t do anything??? Like I was just sleepy. Then another time I got second hand and was hungry af and had the best sleep of my life .100:Did drugs? No 101:Smoked cigarettes? - yes 102:Drank alcohol? -yes 103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Nope 104:Been overweight? Nope 105:Been underweight? Nope 106:Been to a wedding? No actually lol 107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? I don’t think so 108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Probably 109:Been outside my home country? No110:Gotten my heart broken? Yes 111:Been to a professional sports game? No 112:Broken a bone? No 113:Cut myself? No 114:Been to prom? No 115:Been in airplane? Yes 116:Fly by helicopter? No 117:What concerts have I been to? Lots dkavd118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Yes 119:Learned another language? Uh no but I’m trying to learn Japanese lol 120:Wore make up? Yes 121:Lost my virginity before I was 18? CHILD 122:Had oral sex? CHILD 123:Dyed my hair? yes 124:Voted in a presidential election? No 125:Rode in an ambulance? No 126:Had a surgery? No 127:Met someone famous? Yes 128:Stalked someone on a social network? No 129:Peed outside? Yes lololol 130:Been fishing? Yes 131:Helped with charity? No 132:Been rejected by a crush? Yes 133:Broken a mirror? No 134:What do I want for birthday? Anything Is fine 135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 2 boys. Haku and Wei136:Was I named after anyone? No lol 137:Do I like my handwriting? No 138:What was my favourite toy as a child? I used to have an Elmo phone and it was great 139:Favourite Tv Show? I don’t watch tv actually 140:Where do I want to live when older? Anywhere but here cksvf141:Play any musical instrument? I’m learning piano 142:One of my scars, how did I get it? Hmmm this kid in art class stabbed me with his pencil 143:Favourite pizza toping? Mushrooms are cool 144:Am I afraid of the dark? Yes 145:Am I afraid of heights? No 146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes lololo lol 147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Always lololol148:What I’m really bad at? everything lmao 149:What my greatest achievments are? I uh… yeah 150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - this kid once said something about my parents when they were having a hard time so I slapped him across his face 151:What I’d do if I won in a lottery - lots of thingsnfkavfksvf 152:What do I like about myself - eyes lol 153:My closest Tumblr friend -ROSEMARY!!!💞💞💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕154:Something I fantasise about - being comfortable in life 155:Any question you’d like? “have you eating and been taken care of yourself?” Why yes I have Sou thanks so much for asking

#extra #ask #answered #try me

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mentalvapors · 7 years ago

Text

Kevin Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Back at it again. Geez, when I started my tumblr (back in 2014 I think) I had the intention to update it regularly, every week maybe. But I lost track of it, like already one week after I started it. I feel bad for not updating it. One of my biggest regrets in life is probably that I never had a diary, because my memory just keeps getting worse and worse at the moment, and when I talk to people they are able recall so many thing from their past and I don't even know how to do simple math I learned in 4th grade. I cannot remember a single event from 4th grade or elementary school in general.

Okay this is just me thinking things right now, but I also feel like the reason why I never had a diary or never bothered to write blog entries is because I'm not a creative writer. And I'm not smart and I have no skills whatsoever and it's even worse when I write English sentences. And some people actually have personality and talent to make the most trivial things sound interesting. And I just feel like a brain dead person slamming my phalanges furiously on a keyboard. But should I feel bad about it? Pretty much everyone shares their opinions on thoughts about everything on the internet nowadays. I should not care about how bland I sound to other people.

I really wanted to gather some thoughts why university didn't work out for me. I feel like I never … I tried to think about the reason why I failed, but most of the time I was in sad mode and blamed myself for everything, which always ended in a result that was not authentic to the truth and therefor not downright acceptable. And so I never came to a real conclusion. I will try to think about it now, because I don't feel too depressed, so it should be fine, right? Right?

So first of all, going to university was mistake to begin with. It could have worked out, but the circumstances at that time were not optimal. In fact they were terrible. So it was kind of foolish to think I could pull that off, but there was also nobody who convinced me I couldn't.

A huge factor that made it hard for me to survive university was that every semester I felt some kind of anxiety because I didn’t know what was going to happen. Grades, classes, other students and just choosing things was very overwhelming. Very, very overwhelming. On some days I was just crying like the whole day, because I didn’t know what actually happens when I’m done with university. How to move on? I’ve always been a directionless wanderer, who didn’t know what he wanted to do in life. I just started university and it already felt pointless, like it would go nowhere and nevertheless I was moving on. One year passed, two years, three... and nothing changed. I collected a lot of credits (oh well... not enough for my creditors though) and still I couldn't figure out “why am I doing this?”.

My major was area studies and I wasn’t really enjoying it. I just felt lost and once again overwhelmed. This whole course of studies was missing a clear structure. Which was also the point of it: “Just go ahead and choose the things you have the most interest in”, like that kind of decree completely works against my own nature. I desperately need someone to tell me what to do. So helplessly I chose the most nonsense courses I could find. I signed up for Japanese class and it was so hard. The first semester examination I got only a fourteen, oops. I literally struggled so bad and nearly getting nothing accomplished the whole year and that’s why I ended up dropping that course and felt really bad. But I wanted to try it again, so I took the next semester very very light with only two classes, so of course that extended my university existence by some time. So many frustrating things happened during that time and to my minor, which was agricultural sciences. The readings ended up being not what I was looking for and the schedule really worked against my major.

Also some of the professors were really strict and set up their individual rules. For instance the Japanese teacher was incredibly strict. You could not miss her lessons and you could not be late. And at this time I really struggled with depression and I was crying and begging this woman I was like „I love this class, I’m trying so hard, please give me another chance next year“ and she said that it was OK and that I can be part of the class again, but a year later she was like „I changed my mind, get out“ and that was the point, where I started to give up and stopped trying, like, at all. But sometimes I would get a professor that I like and I would only have them for one semester, a lot of times I tried to take multiple classes with that person if the subject fulfilled credits for the same requirement, even though the class would not help to get a clear structure in my major. Like I took a lot of Mongolian classes. How would that help me with my Japanese Major? I don't know.

In addition I didn’t have an easy time making friends there. That’s another thing that can kinda be frustrating about university life to me. You see a lot of people who take one or two classes that you take as well and you kinda never see the same people. You develop relationships with people that are in the same class but after the semester; they’re gone. That was a big hurdle for me to jump through. I did not get used to it and I didn’t kinda like how everything felt so temporary.

None of the people I had contact with in my Japanese course did graduate by the way. All of them are still stuck somewhere. Some of them still have to pass Japanese class I (out of IV) and it has been four years since we signed up for it. Ideally you should be done with the whole thing in three years. So probably even if I managed to finish all of my major and minor courses, I would not be done with Japanese class yet, cause it's so damn hard and my creditor would get mad at me and I had cancel university either way.

So I was clueless and not doing very well and the worst part was probably that there is a lot of pressure in society (and creditors, student loan companies etc.) where they tell you „Okay you have to graduate from university in three years. Do it right. Know exactly what you want!“ and for a lot of people, including myself, this is not a realistic goal. It’s just not easy. I think it’s realistic if you fail something. I think perfection and expectation of perfection in society is really bizarre. The other thing I realized during this time was, unlike you’re going to be a doctor or a lawyer or in that sort of profession, you get a university degree and that’s awesome but how much practically do you use that degree? I wish I would have chosen something like business studies, because I think … just having more of an understanding of topics like that, would have been helpful throughout my life, especially more than the area studies.

So these are some aspects that turned university into my personal nightmare, but the truth or a big part of it is, that university just felt inconvenient. I'm a lazy piece of shit; I never felt the need to study for any exam, but spoiler: in university you won't survive without it. You need to know how to study. Studying is actually a skill, I didn't know that, now I learned the hard way.

So all I have for now is my shattered university past, a scary student loan debt mountain haunting me every night and also no job. Unemployed for over a year now. I don't know if this will ever change. The worst part of it is I feel like I'm not doing enough to get out of this misery. In fact I do nothing. I want to change but like 90% of my time I have no faith and feel hopeless and that nothing will ever work out for me.

I need to get a whole load of things off my chest first in order to move one. Also I need to find the English setting for my good friend OpenOffice because right now everything is red underlined and it's low key driving me crazy. (…) All right, I found it. Also I'm not gonna grammar correct or spellcheck anything. It's just lines I write down to remind myself of a few things and I have to get this all out before I forget it. So screw editing it!

The last few days I started to do shit I usually hate doing. It's not like I'm a messy person, but cleaning my room felt suddenly more important than ever before. I also stitched up my curtains, even though I was okay with them being way too long for years. And I built two shelves, because we had a few old planks in our yard and my walls were so empty, they felt like prison cell walls to me, so I thought “yes of course SHELVES”. They look fantastic and I'm proud of myself because I made something useful, but they remind my that I spend my time not the way I'm supposed to. They make me feel bad every time I look at them and I look at them a lot, cause they're hanging on my wall.

Yesterday I set up autumn decorations even though it is kinda too early. I also already did some of the Halloween decorations. I always get into a spooky mood, as soon as the weather gets colder, because it feels like authentically fall. I have to wear sweaters or long sleeves because I'm so cold all the time.

Also I found a keyboard in the room of the guy that lived with us, but who is dead now and I remembered how I have always wanted to learn to play piano. But I don't know if I would be very good at it. I feel like the older I get the less focus I have with things. And I also feel just like I don't ever really sit down and like do anything.

Anyway, the dead guy's name was Lutz and he died in April because of cancer. He and my mom shared the rent for the house we live in, so fifty percent of the rent fee is missing since he died. Our landlord is really mad, because he wants the money from us now and we do not have it and Lutz's family doesn't want to pay off his debts either. It's a pretty dire situation and my mom's lawyer sucks and gradually makes our dilemma worse and worse and she doesn't realize it. I don't know what comes next, my mom never talks about these things and a part of me also doesn't want to know. I'm dealing with a lot of things myself and I wish I could close my eyes and vanish from the surface of this planet forever. Just like the Avatar did. The cool one, not that James Cameron Pocahontas plagiarism. But I'm afraid this is not how it works. Suicide would be an option. But I'm just too much of a coward.

To give up or to not give up on life. Fighting the desire to just lie down and die gets harder each day. It already has been hard for a long time now. I know people get homeless. Maybe I am in that exact position right now. I never thought about it. But maybe there is a high chance that it'll happen to me next, unless I do something, even if it already might be too late. I know I can't change the mind of my mom, she will stay here, in this building, until she gets thrown out under legal authority. And I knew about this since a long time and I definitely already could have done something about it as well, like trying harder to find a new place and job, but … depression … and I chose not to. That's just the reality situation.

But I really need to get on with looking for a job now (the hardest thing though is to overcome my “little” procrastination thing whenever I'm about to do it). Two years of therapy gave me enough time to reflect and figure out what I possibly could do and maybe I really can do two or three things, besides lying in bed all day. The biggest issue right now is my low self-esteem. If you never had a real job in your whole life, you will obviously have a hard time to believe in your own abilities. This is what I got criticized for when I worked as Concierge last summer “Sorry, you're too insecure about your actions” and at job interviews I get told “You don't really convince me that you want this job”. And yeah how can I convince anyone I'm able to do something I never did before without straight up lying to their face? I guess if I want to apply for job, I need to put on a mask made of confidence and lies.

My psychiatrist once told me, that my only chance to get a job is social connections (his social connections). I already talked about how I became “friends” with my therapist some time ago. His intentions didn't feel honest to me and everyone else saw this, like, big red flag and yelled at me, to give up on this attachment, but I am weak and I don't have anyone else I can talk to. I gave him another chance and he invited me and said that we should travel to Thailand together. And I was against it, honestly, like from the beginning. But you know, he is a manipulative piece of shit and I really wanted to see Thailand, because I probably wouldn't get another chance like this, in my whole life. So I thought: how horrible can it be to fly to Thailand for two weeks, with your psychiatrist? Turns out it can be pretty horrible. He was watching me all the time, he was watching what I was eating, when I was messaging on Whatsapp. I never had two minutes for myself, he even came into the bathroom while I was changing, he was telling me what to do, when to cross the street, he dictated absolutely everything. So on day three I called him out and he said “Okay then let's fly back home” and of course I know he wanted me to beg him to stay here and that I would do better and follow his orders, cause he pays for everything. But I said “Fine, let's fly back home” and we walked to the travel agency in Thailand and the lady at the counter said a ticket back home today would be around 8,000$ each. He told the lady that we need to talk and would come back in an hour, if we still consider to book the tickets, but I didn't want to take anymore of his crap. So he had to book the tickets and I didn't talk to him the whole 24 hours we needed to get back to Germany, he tried to discuss this situation the whole time, even tried to convince me to travel with him again; this time to the Netherlands for the weekend because “It'll work out better than Thailand”. There is so much more stuff that happened, but I'm not going to elaborate more, at this point I'm so tired of all of this. I'm just glad I finally wrote it down and decided that this friendship was not good for me. Better late than never.

Oh and the worst part is, I also feel like I didn't make any progress in this two years of therapy. I didn't achieve anything, I just wasted time. I'm so annoyed and mad at myself.

All that stress I had the last few months or maybe years and the frustration and the anger I feel every day, caused my autoimmune disease to flare up again.

Short backstory: I noticed a bald patch in my beard area in 2015 and one year later it spread on my head and it was just awful. I had the worst time back then, my dog died, my relationship went to shit, I lost my job as Concierge, I felt like university was going nowhere and my hair started to fall out and it was not a cute look. I had a plum sized spot on the left side, the right side and on top of my head and two spots that molted into one big spot at the back. I went to a dermatologist, he said it's called Alopecia Areata and he told me to put some ointment on it and I did. But nothing changed. I was really desperate, I had a mental break down, including ugly crying in the shower, shaving my head, mental hospital, the whole program. I had a hard time to accept the “bald truth”.

On Youtube I found a channel, run by a girl named Stella, who made several videos about her struggle with Alopecia Areata (she wasn't the only one btw, but she was the first one who seemed genuine and did not try to sell some fake products. There are so many people on the internet, who use other people’s desperation to make themselves richer, it's crazy). In one of her videos she described how she overcame this disease with the help of the AIP diet and I was so amazed. She had all of her hair back and the solution is a diet? I was crying my eyes out for month and it's that simple? Sign me up I thought as I looked a few things up on the internet and basically AIP diet means just allowed to eat warm water. Doesn't actually matter if it's warm or not. No, but seriously almost every food is forbidden on AIP. No bread, rice, potatoes, eggs, diary, sugar, tomatoes, nuts, alcohol, fruits, nothing. All you can eat is meat and green stuff. I started in November and it was exhausting from the beginning. I felt hungry all the time and was craving for something sweet. It's funny how I can go without sugar right now for days, but when you're not allowed to have it, it's all you want. But I was missing coffee the most.

Anyway, after one month of AIP I recognized some white hair on my left patch, and a week later a few pigmented hairs. On Christmas all of my patches had small pigmented hairs growing in (except my beard, which is only thin white hairs until today) and I'm having the worst grammar right now. It's 1 a.m. Anyway during that time I felt amazing, the bald patches were still recognizable, but I felt relieved that my hair came back and I wouldn't go bald.

By march I had all my hair back and I gave a lot of credit to the diet, but also stopped the diet the same month, because although I got all my hair back, I realized that I could not live with all these restrictions forever. The AIP diet was not designed for people with AA. It was made to figure out what kind of food causes your inflammatory, but it's impossible to tell when you have AA. You can't take a bite of a tomato and be like “Oh yeah I feel it, this makes my hair fall out”. Even though a lot people in these self help groups write things like “Oh. My. Gosh. I was just drinking a cup of milk and suddenly my whole scalp was itchy”. Yeah girl, because you wanted it to be itchy. You are desperate and want to find the cause and you want it to stop. And all of this happens, even if your are not aware of it. And blaming certain kinds of food is easy, but dumb. It worked for me, but just because I thought it does. For 4 months I ate vegetables and meat on max, because Stella said it helped, she had proof and I saw it, so I thought it would help me too.

April was again a really hard time for me. My therapist was playing games, my family stressed me out, Lutz died, still no job, my personal financial crisis. And then one day I felt a smooth spot behind my right ear as I was sitting in a train and I was like “Oh god, please no, god no no no no no...”. . I recognized a tiny spot at the back of my head before, but I was hoping it was nothing, I didn't want it to be true, now with a second patch I realized Alopecia is back to haunt me.But this time I wanted it to be different. I would not let it take control of my actions again. So I made an appointment at a hairdresser and I was surprised he never heard of AA before as I told him what was going on on my head. As he was shaving the back of my head he pointed out that there actually a few more spots than expected. I accepted it. There's nothing I can do about anyway.

I revisited Stella's Youtube channel and she posted a video update. Her Alopecia came back as well, even though she was still following the AIP diet. So there was no doubt left, that the diet had little to do with the regrowth of my hair. Stella's video and her blog was again so inspirational.

The cure for Alopecia is: there is no cure. It's your emotions. It's sadness, it's anger and stress. This is easy and hard to accept at the same time. I'm still not a hundred percent sure if I can accept this as the one truth. At the moment all of the spots are on the backside of my head, which is good. I mean they are there; but at least I can't see them. The one behind my right ear is as big as my ear right now. And it worries me tbh. Last year I documented the progress of the spots and took pictures every week. Because I was so excited to see my hair grow and I wanted to see the proof that it really happens. I don't know if I should do this again. Stella said the best way to deal with this situation is simply “to not give a shit”.

And that might be true. But I know, currently it is impossible for me to reach this peace of mind. Everything's a mess right now and I feel like I can't do life and no matter how less I care about my hair, bald spots will spread nevertheless. I have to change my environment first, before I can move on mentally. And this will be frustrating. Searching for a job, having job interviews with bald spots all over my head, probably getting rejected because of it, getting more bald spots, it will be hell but I guess... it is what it is.

It's hard when you’re in a dark place and when your family sucks, and you're like in that mind set where everything is awful. Just taking that one little step up uphill is the hardest part. Maybe writing all of this down finally is a sign that I wildly succeeded and that I can keep going. Or maybe it was just another reason for me to procrastinate again. Who knows?

Well I wish I could end this post on a high note. It's 3am right now and there was an episode of “Married... with children” on TV and it was about Kelly being the first female Bundy with a job and she worked at a diner. They made it look like being a waitress is the easiest thing in the world, but Kelly was totally overwhelmed by everything and it was just too real. Too relatable. On her first day as a waitress “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves” was playing in the background and I will remember this on my first day of work and it'll empower me to try my best, like Kelly Bundy did. You know, be the best Kelly Bundy you can be.

#a whole day has passed and I did nothing but to write this text #but I feel the sense of accomplishment right now #welcome to my brain #this is just me trying to get things done #and semi failing #also the title of this entry is a reference to that married ... with children episode #which was called 'Kelly Doesn't Live Here Anymore'#which is a reference to some other show's title #it's like title inception

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