#got me emo with how poetic these are

[petrichormeraki]

@bluejaypirate these are the most beautiful tags thank you 😭

what color do I remind you of... we could make a tag game... reblog w/ the color the person you reblogged from reminds you of

[scalproie]

[elysiaheaven]

"Pure Insatiablity"-[𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓-𝟏] 𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐍 𝐗 𝐆.𝐍 (Yandere) 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 (𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐓)

Words:6078

Genre: Yandere

Summary: It’s been almost eight months now, hasn’t it? Eight months of being wrapped in this obsession, this love that’s taken root so deep inside you. Eight months of loving him—so much it hurts, so much it feels like you're suffocating under the weight of it.

And when you stare at the screen, when you think about that character—the one your fans can’t get enough of—what you really see is him. Your love. Your darling. The one you’d do anything for.

( Reader is a g.n!)

TW: Obsessive behaviour, Lovesick, Blood, Violence, Crazy! Your daily dose of cringe! (He's crazy ><), (Reader is obsessive in love with him) Mentions of disturbing poetic lines?

EXTRA: He's a character from a game named Killer chat! Please play it! It's so good! I think I need to do more research on him, If what I wrote doesn't really scream him! I'm sorry! I'm still learning abt him! I KNOW IT'S BAD I'M SORRYY!!

I think you’re getting a little too in love...

C'mon! Tell me what you want. Do you hate me? Do you love me? Are you going to kill me? I've got a knife right here. Or are you kissing me, darling? How much do you feel?

Oh, you're so pretty when you're rotten and mine. I think you're divine.

Oh, Writer… How’s your relationship with the infamous butcher?

"Bad," you whisper under your breath, eyes glued to the blank page in front of you. The clock ticks, the hours pass, and nothing. Not a single word for days. And it stings, doesn’t it? Because your book—it’s your baby, your obsession—your masterpiece. It was an instant hit, loved, adored, and devoured by everyone who touched it. Fans left comments, raving about how perfect it was. Especially… him.

The e-emo killer. Your devil, wrapped in leather and shadows, blood-stained hands that still look so gentle. They called him cruel, twisted—yet oh, how they love him. Adored him. Fawned over him. The simps flooded your inbox, begging for more of him. That beautiful, wicked boy who haunted their dreams.

And let’s be honest—you love him too, don’t you?

After all, isn’t he just a reflection of someone else? Someone you know all too well?

Didn’t you mold the character from your darling’s essence? That man you can’t stop thinking about, the one who holds your heart in one hand and your throat in the other? The one you’d bleed for, die for—kill for?

Ah… you’re getting a little lovesick, aren’t you?

It’s been almost eight months now, hasn’t it? Eight months of being wrapped in this obsession, this love that’s taken root so deep inside you. Eight months of loving him—so much it hurts, so much it feels like you're suffocating under the weight of it.

And when you stare at the screen, when you think about that character—the one your fans can’t get enough of—what you really see is him. Your love. Your darling. The one you’d do anything for.

Isn’t that the truth? Isn’t that why your heart races, your fingers tremble when you write about the killer’s knife, the way it gleams in the dark? Because you imagine him—your love—doing the same to you, don’t you?

After all, isn't that why you can’t look away, can’t stop thinking, can’t breathe without feeling like you need him more than air?

Ah, calm yourself, love.

Eight months in, and look at you…

You want him. God, you want him so much it hurts. It’s like a sickness, spreading through your veins, consuming every inch of your soul. It’s the kind of need that claws at your heart, gnaws at your bones, turns your very breath into poison if he’s not near.

How did it get this bad? How did it go from quiet glances to full-blown obsession?

It started small, didn’t it? Little things—his voice in your ear, the calls, the games, the way his fingers brushed against your skin. The way he’d laugh, low and dark, as if he knew exactly what he was doing to you. He’s always known, hasn’t he? How to bend you, break you, make you his.

But it’s more than that now. It’s an ache, deep in your chest, that never goes away. You crave him. You crave the way he looks at you like he sees every part of you—every ugly, twisted piece of your soul—and he loves it. You crave the way he owns you, how his presence alone makes you tremble, how just the thought of him drives you mad.

You can’t stop thinking about him. He’s there in every corner of your mind, lingering, waiting, watching. And you want him to watch. You want him to see every broken, desperate part of you. You want to lay yourself bare before him, beg for his touch, for his gaze, for his breath on your skin.

It’s pathetic, isn’t it? But oh, you’d fall to your knees for him. You’d give him everything. You already have.

You think about him late at night, when the world is quiet, and all you can hear is the sound of your own heart pounding, heavy and relentless. You imagine him with you, his hands on your neck, his lips hovering just inches from yours. You’d let him take you apart, piece by piece, until there’s nothing left but his name carved into your bones, his scent burned into your skin.

You want him like fire. Like a storm. You want him with the kind of madness that doesn’t make sense, that drowns you, suffocates you in its wake. Every breath you take without him feels empty, incomplete.

He’s in your blood now, a part of you, and nothing will ever be enough. No touch, no kiss, no word will ever fill that void.

And the worst part? You love it. You love this sickness, this hunger, this desperate, gnawing ache. Because it’s him. Because it’s all for him.

He could ruin you, break you, destroy everything you are, and you’d thank him for it.

Isn’t that what you want? To be his? To be consumed by him, devoured until there’s nothing left of you but the pieces he chooses to keep?

It’s almost poetic, isn’t it? This love, this madness, this obsession. You, the writer, trying to put words to something that can’t be explained. Trying to capture this wild, violent need that swells inside you every time you think of him.

But how can you? How do you describe something so raw, so feral? How do you put into words the way your heart skips a beat every time you hear his name? The way your entire world tilts on its axis when he’s near?

You want him. Need him. More than you’ve ever needed anything in your life.

And you wonder… Does he know? Does he know how deep this goes? Does he understand that you’d do anything—everything—for him?

You think he does. You think he knows exactly how far you’ve fallen. And that’s what makes it so beautiful.

Because you’re not afraid of falling.

You understood him so much! Yet, you still...wanted him..?

The thing about Ronin is that his love is a poison wrapped in sugar, sweet to taste but deadly beneath the surface. He treats the same, as if they’re fragile toys in his hands, waiting to be bent, broken, and reshaped into something more. They’re not people to him—they’re puzzles to solve, games to play, and he plays them masterfully. Not out of cruelty, though. No, Ronin’s twisted mind justifies it as something deeper, something almost… noble.

He believes, with every fiber of his being, that he’s doing what’s best for them. That through the trials, the manipulation, the pain, they’ll emerge better—stronger. In his distorted way of thinking, he’s saving them, guiding them through the fire so they can burn away their weaknesses and be reborn into something new, something better. It’s not just a game to him—it’s a transformation. A test of endurance, of strength, of who they really are underneath it all.

This is how he shows his love. Not with tenderness, but with torment. He pulls at the strings of their souls, slowly unraveling them, watching them fall apart, believing—hoping—that by the time he’s done, they’ll thank him for it. That they’ll see what he sees: a person made whole again, remade into something that can survive in his world.

he’s doing the same with you, thinking that they’ll understand in the end, that this suffering is love in its purest form. To Ronin, it's not just affection—it's salvation.

It’s not enough for him to possess them; he has to break them. Only then can he feel secure in his love, believing they’re exactly who they’re supposed to be. That’s the only way he knows how to love. By tearing them down, by forcing them through the darkness… he thinks he’s giving them a gift.

A gift wrapped in shadows.

It’s been six days.

Six agonizing days without him. No messages, no calls, not even a single “Hey.” He’s not replying. He’s not talking. He’s … online tho. Why? Why is he doing this to you? You want to see him, you need to hear his voice again, but there’s nothing. The silence is eating at you, clawing at your insides, making your mind spiral.

Control it. Control yourself, you keep telling yourself. They don’t need to see it. They don’t need to know how much this is wrecking you. But it’s getting harder to hide. Everyone’s worried. Even they’ve started to notice how quiet you’ve become. How different you are without him.

Except for Ronin. He doesn’t care. He never does. In fact, with that stupid ego of his, he’s been trying to make you jealous these past few days. And you can feel it—every little jab, every smug comment—it’s uncanny how well he knows how to hit your nerves. But no matter how much Ronin gets under your skin, it’s not him you care about.

It’s him.

And it’s not just Ronin. V and Angel have been suggesting things, too. Methods to… fix things. One of them even had the audacity to suggest separating from him. A clean break. “Maybe it’s for the best,” they said, as if they understood. As if they could possibly know how much you need him.

But you hate the idea. You despise it. The thought of being separated from him—it’s like a knife twisting in your gut. You thought he wouldn’t want that either. He wouldn’t, right?

But to your shock—right there, in the middle of the voice chat, without any hesitation, he said it.

“Yeah, I can stay away for six weeks. That’s fine.”

Six weeks. You could barely process it. Your heart stopped. The number felt like it was mocking you, taunting you. Of all numbers, six? It was so… him. The devil’s number, the one he always played with. You almost smiled, almost thought it was cute—almost. But there was nothing cute about this. No, this was pure torture.

How could he say that so casually? Like it didn’t even matter. Like he wasn’t tearing you apart inside.

Because you need him. You really need him. And you thought—no, you were certain—he needed you too.

But here he is, agreeing to stay away. Six long, suffocating weeks without him. How are you supposed to survive that? How are you supposed to breathe, to think, to function without him? He’s your everything, your entire world, and now he’s just… gone?

You hate it. You hate every second of it. Every second without him feels like a lifetime, a slow, agonizing descent into madness. And you can’t help but wonder—what if he doesn’t miss you like you miss him? What if this is easier for him than it is for you?

But no—no. You know he feels the same way. You have to believe that. He’s just playing his part, the devilish role he always slips into so easily. After all, isn’t that what he is? Just a stupid guy who roleplays as the devil. That’s all, right?

But then why does it hurt so much? Why do you feel like you’re unraveling, coming apart at the seams without him?

And without him, you feel like you’re losing a part of yourself.

Six days. Six weeks. Six months. It doesn’t matter. Time feels meaningless when he’s not around, when you can’t feel him, can’t hear him, can’t touch him.

You miss him.

To help you cope, the entire server of serial killers—now your closest group of buddies—created a separate group chat. One without Ronin. It was for your own good, they said. To keep you distracted, keep you sane, while you waited for him.

Angel didn’t want to include Luca or Feli, though. You knew why. They’d just gotten into a relationship, and seeing them happy together might upset you even more. The jealousy would gnaw at you, and Angel, despite her sharp edges, was too considerate to do that to you.

So now it’s just you, Angel, Misaki, and V—the four besties. Well, they’re worried, no doubt about that. You can feel it in every message, every forced joke. Everyone’s trying to keep things light, but the concern bleeds through.

Just like Vince said… it’s destructive and toxic, right? This obsession you have with Ronin. But then again, Feli said it best—it’s not just toxic. It’s all three. Passionate, chill, horrific—a twisted cocktail of emotions that you can’t escape from. It’s suffocating, it’s addictive, and you know it.

But it’s so you, isn’t it?

Angel—the elegant femme fatale.... Some even say she’s a cannibal just for fun, and she plays along. She’s the type that captivates hearts effortlessly, pulls you in with a glance. If you were with her, maybe you could’ve seen the light, stepped away from this madness. Maybe you’d be happier, calmer… safe.

But no. Your heart is too far gone. Your ideals have shifted, haven’t they? Now you’re lost in the darkness, enthralled by your own version of the seven deadly sins.

Misaki, the cute, chaotic mess. The drunken assassin for hire, always too hyper for her own good. She kills with a smile, pays her rent with blood money, and somehow makes it seem so… effortless. But beneath all that bubbly energy, you know she’s just trying to survive, like the rest of you.

Then there’s V. Rigid. Just. Moral, in his own twisted way. The boomerang uncle who believes in his heart that his justice comes through killing. He doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t flinch, and somehow, that moral code of his feels strangely comforting. Like if you were ever to lose yourself completely, he’d be there to rein you back in. Or at least try to.

They’re all on the call now—talking, laughing, trying to pull you into the conversation. But you’re not really there. Your heart isn’t. You nod, give half-hearted replies, but all you can think about is him.

You just want Ronin. Already.

Their voices blur together in the background, but your mind keeps drifting back to him. That silence. Six days. Six weeks. Whatever. It’s driving you insane. You need him, need his voice, his presence. No matter what distractions they throw at you, nothing fills that void he left behind.

You sigh deeply, staring at the screen. They don’t understand. They can’t.

Everyone is talking at once, their voices flooding the call, trying to drown out the quiet chaos in your mind. Misaki’s high-pitched laughter cuts through the noise first, followed by V’s calm, grounding voice, and then Angel’s teasing but kind remarks, all woven together in an attempt to cheer you up.

V, always trying to keep things steady, eventually turns the conversation towards your writing. “How’s that new book coming along?” he asks, the one he’d helped inspire, no less. “The story about that ‘good man who kills for justice.’ I thought you had a pretty solid start.”

You blink, snapping back to reality. The new book. Right. The one with the protagonist who’s supposed to be a "good man" who kills for justice, fighting against corruption with a moral code as rigid as V’s. You want to write it, you really do. But every time you sit down to start... your thoughts drift. To him.

But you can’t help it—your mind wanders back to Ronin. The story might be about someone else, a character of pure moral code, someone who kills for justice like V had imagined. But all you see, all you feel as you try to write, is him. Ronin, with his smirk, his chaotic energy, how he gets under your skin and stays there. He’s nothing like the character in your new book, and yet, he’s the only thing you can think about.

He’s your muse, your obsession—your devil incarnate. And you almost laugh at the thought. Isn’t that just who Ronin is? A creator of chaos, a devil in your head, inspiring you even when he doesn’t mean to. A part of you is frustrated—he doesn’t even fit this new story, but somehow, he’s taken over anyway.

But you sigh, leaning back in your chair. "I... I just don’t feel inspired right now." You don’t want to admit it, but everything you want to write seems to tie back to Ronin, no matter how hard you try to focus on something else. He’s in everything you do, like an ever-present shadow.

Angel’s voice cuts through. "Of course, you’re not inspired. You’re too clingy right now, and it’s all because of him. You’ve gotta let it go for a bit; otherwise, it’ll just boost Ronin’s ego, and you know he lives for that."

You can’t help but chuckle weakly at that. She’s right—Ronin would love knowing he’s got you wrapped around his little finger, knowing you’re craving his attention this much. But you don’t care. You want to be wrapped up in him, and the thought doesn’t bother you one bit. Still, you don’t say that out loud. You don’t want to admit to everyone how deep your feelings run for him.

Instead, you steer the conversation somewhere else, tossing around random comments and joking with them. Misaki pipes up, practically bouncing in her seat as she talks about her latest commission. “So, get this—I nailed the shot perfectly. One kill, clean. And with that, rent’s paid for this month!” She laughs, but you can hear the relief in her voice.

You can’t help but tease her. “Next month’s going to come around quicker than you think, though,” you say, raising an eyebrow.

She whines dramatically, clutching her head. “Noooo! Don’t remind me! I’ll need another commission soon or I’m doomed!” Her pout is cute, and you laugh despite yourself. Misaki’s a mess, but she’s your mess (friend!).

Angel snorts. “I feel that. Work’s been tight, but I’m okay for now. Barely.”

Then there’s V,. “I’ve been busy taking care of my birds lately. They’re a handful,” he says, the warmth in his voice clear. He pauses for a moment before adding, “Still... I respect you. Always have. You’ve got this pure heart. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Ronin mess that up for you. Him trying to make you feel like this—it pisses me off.”

You smile at that, appreciating his words. But deep down, you can’t help but think, Pure? Is that really what you are anymore? After everything with Ronin, after letting yourself fall so deep into this twisted, all-consuming love, are you still that pure-hearted person V thinks you are?

Because honestly... haven’t you already started slipping? Saving parts of yourself just for Ronin?

Angel’s voice breaks through the light banter, her usual teasing tone softened with concern. “I’m worried about you,” she says, her words pointed, cutting through the surface-level chat. “This thing with Ronin… it’s not good for you.”

You don’t respond, just sit there silently, staring at the screen, your mind lost somewhere far from the conversation. V, ever the protective one, comes to your defense as usual. “Come on, Angel. They wouldn’t hurt a fly,” he says with a sigh, glancing at you. “Right?”

You don’t say anything, and V’s expression darkens just slightly. The silence weighs heavier than your words could. “Look,” V adds, more serious now. “If you ever killed anyone for Ronin, if you ever did it for some guilty pleasure, it’d be your first and last. Because I would kill you myself.” His voice is firm but caring, like a friend! trying to protect you from something you might not even see coming.

You snap out of your daze for a moment, glancing at V. “I just won’t let you,” you reply quietly, a ghost of a smile playing on your lips. There’s a defiance in your voice, but it’s laced with that lovesick longing. You’d do anything for Ronin. And V knows it.

Misaki, sensing the tension, tries to shift the conversation. “So! Uh, anyway, I’ve been thinking about getting a new place, but the rent’s—”

You cut her off, your mind too focused, too fixated on one thing. “What’s Ronin doing?”

Angel sighs heavily, her frustration barely hidden now. “He’s fine.”

But it’s V who answers. “He’s fine without you,” he says bluntly, though there’s a softness in his tone like he’s trying to prepare you for a blow. You flinch inwardly, but you manage to keep your face blank, pretending it doesn’t cut as deep as it does.

You sit there, frozen, but V doesn’t stop. “He’s… happy. I think he’s gone off to kill someone again.” His voice is cold, almost detached, like he’s telling you a fact that doesn’t matter. “Maybe you’re the only one who’s serious and clingy in this relationship.”

The words hit like a punch to the gut, and you can feel your heart breaking, shattering into tiny, irreparable pieces. But you force a smile, the kind that barely reaches your eyes. “It’s fine,” you say, your voice trembling just a little. “It’s perfect. He’s perfect the way he is.”

But your eyes betray you. They’re wide, filled with that twisted, lovesick devotion, like you’re drowning in your feelings and don’t even care. In your head, all you can think about is sinking deeper into Ronin’s world, letting him consume you completely, until there’s nothing left of who you used to be. You want it. You want him. You want to lose yourself in him, no matter how much it destroys you.

You sit there after the call, the silence enveloping you, but your thoughts still swirling around Ronin like a storm you can't escape. You sigh, running a hand through your hair as you open your laptop, telling yourself you’ll work on your book, like they told you. But your fingers hover over the keys, your mind already somewhere else.

“I just feel… fuzzy about him,” you had told Angel earlier, trying to explain this maddening, obsessive feeling in the pit of your stomach. But she’d only laughed, though not unkindly.

“Even I wasn’t this bad,” she’d said, smirking like she was trying to make light of it. “Maybe your love is just too strong.” Her attempt to cheer you up had actually worked, even if just a little. You had smiled, a tiny flicker of warmth in your chest.

“Cheer up,” she’d added. “And get back to your story."

“Yeah,” you had murmured, not really listening, already thinking about Ronin. Already missing him.

Now, sitting alone with your laptop open, you try to follow her advice. You start typing, the title of your story staring back at you, but… it’s not the story you’re supposed to be writing, is it?

You start typing, but the words don’t match the character V had wanted—the noble killer with a rigid moral code. No, the character that comes alive under your fingers is someone else entirely.

He’s dark, dangerous, with a wicked grin that sends shivers down your spine. His eyes are sharp, burning with mischief, and his laugh… God, his laugh. It’s him. It’s Ronin. You can’t stop yourself from writing him into the story, from turning him into the devilish figure you can’t tear your eyes away from.

And you? You slip into the story, too. Not as a secondary character. Not as an observer. No. You’re his love interest. The one who falls into his arms, who sinks into his darkness willingly. You let him consume you, wrap you up in his world of danger and chaos because you crave it. You crave him.

You don’t even realize what you’re doing at first. The words just flow out of you, like a love letter disguised as a story. A love note for Ronin. Each sentence is a confession, each scene a reflection of how deeply he’s burrowed into your mind, into your heart. It’s raw, it’s messy, it’s everything you feel but can’t say out loud.

You type and type, not caring that you’ve completely derailed from the plot you were supposed to follow. The good man who kills for justice? He doesn’t exist in your world right now. There’s only Ronin. The devil. The one who owns every corner of your heart, no matter how much he tries to push you away.

Hours pass, and by the time you stop typing, you realize you’ve written pages—an entire chapter, maybe more. But it’s not the story you were meant to write. It’s yours. It’s your obsession, your madness, poured out into words.

You sit back and stare at the screen, feeling both exhilarated and exhausted. You know you should be working on your real book, but part of you can’t help but smile at what you’ve created. It’s a mess, but it’s yours.

Angel sighed, pushing her hair back as she leaned over her phone, eyes narrowing. "V, why didn’t you tell them about how Ronin’s been acting? He’s not even talking to me, and you're just… brushing it off?"

V, sitting , didn’t answer right away. Instead, he smiled—actually smiled—something he rarely did, the corner of his lips curling in amusement. "I wanted to see how they were," he said with a shrug, his voice calm. "And you know what? They’re fine. I’ve been keeping an eye."

Angel didn’t seem convinced. She crossed her arms, a frown pulling at her features. "I’m worried, V. I mean… did you see them? They seemed slightly crazy—like, lovesick, obsessed. I’m telling you, I'm worried about them, I don't know...Suddenly I don't want to become whatever the hell we are."

V’s smile faded slightly, but his expression remained soft. "They’re not that type, Angel. You know them. Yeah, they’re obsessed with Ronin, but they haven’t done anything reckless yet." His tone grew more serious, though. "Ronin hasn’t corrupted them… at least, not completely."

Angel chewed her lip, her fingers fidgeting over her phone before she made a decision. "I’m just gonna text him, just to make sure he’s there," she muttered, quickly typing out a message to Ronin.

Moments passed before her phone buzzed, and Ronin’s reply popped up: Devil’s here!

She sighed in mild relief, rolling her eyes at his theatrics. "Of course… that’s typical Ronin."

But before she could relax, V picked up , sending a message to Ronin with a more pointed tone. "I’m not as patient as Angel," he said as he typed. "If you don’t start talking, there’s going to be consequences." He hit send, leaning back, expecting some sarcastic response.

A few seconds later, his phone buzzed with the exact same reply: Devil’s here!

V blinked, his brow furrowing as he stared at the screen. Angel glanced over, her own phone vibrating with a second, identical message from Ronin. "Wait…" she muttered, frowning. "Isn’t that…?"

Misaki, who’d been quietly sipping a drink, glanced at her phone too and snickered. "Guys, that’s his automated reply prank! He’s done this before!"

For a brief moment, the group shared a collective groan and laughed it off, realizing they’d all fallen for one of Ronin’s infamous tricks. He had a habit of setting up automated responses, just to mess with them.

But then the laughter died down as the realization settled in.

Angel glanced at her phone again. "Wait… if it’s just an auto-reply…" Her voice trailed off as her stomach dropped.

Misaki, the first to speak, sounded nervous now. "Uh, so, where’s Ronin?"

V realized. "Well, I guess he's just as clingy as them. God, I'm gonna kill him."

Your thoughts too clouded by the constant, gnawing ache inside you. You can’t shake it, can’t stop thinking about him. Ronin. The only thing that occupies your mind as you walk out the door, moving through the streets like you're in a trance.

It doesn’t take long before you find yourself wandering Uptown, your steps naturally pulling you toward that one alley—the one they call Purgatory. It’s notorious, the kind of place everyone avoids, where even whispers of its name send shivers down spines. The Butcher’s territory. People have seen the aftermath here—limbs and pieces of flesh strewn like discarded trash, blood painting the graffiti-splattered walls. It’s grotesque, macabre.

But to you? It’s something else entirely.

You call it your love birth!

It’s twisted, isn’t it? You can’t help the smile creeping up on your face as you step into the dark, narrow space. This is where it all began. Where you had your first kiss with Ronin, right here in the heart of chaos. The same place where bodies had been ripped apart, left to rot. That’s where you became his fallen angel.

The memory washes over you like a wave—his hands on your face, his lips crushing against yours with that devilish intensity. You still remember the taste of copper in the air, the blood that stained his hands… and the way it didn’t matter. Not in the slightest. That was the moment you knew—there was no going back. You were his, no matter what.

Your heart races as you walk deeper into the alley, your eyes scanning the area with that lovesick expression. Every corner, every shadow, you search with a strange kind of yearning. Maybe he left something behind. Maybe some small trace of him remains, something he forgot—something you can cling to.

You know it’s irrational, but your mind can’t help it. You want him. You need him. Every thought, every breath, is consumed by him. You’ve become addicted to the way he makes you feel—alive, wild, free. And now, without him, you feel like you’re floating, untethered, falling further and further into the abyss.

You walk slowly, your fingers brushing against the walls as you pass by, half-hoping you’ll stumble across something—anything that could be a sign from him. A discarded cigarette, a drop of blood, some trace of his presence that would prove he’s been here.

But the alley is silent. Empty.

Still, you don’t stop. Your heart beats faster the further you go, your mind racing with the memory of him. His voice. His laugh. The way he pulls you into his world, his darkness, and makes it feel like home.

By the time you reach the far end of the alley, your eyes have glazed over, filled with that lovesick haze that you can’t shake. You’re lost in it, drowning in the feeling. You want to see him, to feel him again, to fall deeper into that sinful connection.

You pause, standing still for a moment, the weight of the emptiness settling in around you.

He’s not here.

But God, you wish he was.

You freeze when you hear it—a faint, metallic scraping sound echoing through the alley. The unmistakable drag of a crowbar. Your heart skips a beat, and a rush of adrenaline floods your veins.

It’s him.

Ronin.

The sound makes your pulse quicken, your body tensing in anticipation as you spin around, trying to catch a glimpse of him. You begin to move, searching the shadows, desperately scanning every dark corner of the alley for any sign of him. Your heart pounds as your breath catches in your throat. He’s here. He has to be.

But then, the sound stops. Dead silence.

Before you can react, a sudden force slams into you, pushing you hard against the cold, graffiti-stained wall. Your breath is knocked out of you for a moment, and you barely register what’s happening before a strong arm wraps around your waist, lifting you slightly off the ground. You gasp, your heart racing, your body pinned between the rough brick and the figure in front of you.

And then… his lips crash into yours.

Ronin.

You melt instantly into the kiss, your body responding before your mind can even catch up. The intensity of it, the hunger—it’s like he’s claiming you all over again, pulling you back into his orbit. You can feel his fingers digging into your hips as he holds you up, his body pressing hard against yours.

When he finally pulls away, his breath hot against your skin, his voice is low, teasing. “Seems like you were pathetically sniffing around for clues, weren’t you? Like a lost little puppy darling?… so desperate to know if I was here.”

Your eyes flutter open, your head still spinning, trying to gather your thoughts, but they slip away in the haze of his presence. You can’t think straight, not when he’s this close, not when his scent fills your lungs, and his lips are still so dangerously close to yours.

You try to speak, to explain, to say something, but your voice catches in your throat. The words never come. He smirks, seeing your struggle, and presses a finger to your lips, silencing you before you can even attempt to respond.

“Shh,” he whispers, his tone dripping with amusement. “No need to talk, Darling. I know exactly what you want.”

Your body trembles, love-sick and overwhelmed. It’s like your whole world is centered around him, every fiber of your being drawn to him in a way you can’t control. You’re drowning in him, in this moment, and you can’t help but feel exactly what he’s accusing you of.

Desperate.

You don’t care about anything else. You just want him.

Your fingers clutch at his jacket, and your body leans closer, your lips parting as if to say his name, but no sound escapes. You don’t need to speak—he can already see the longing in your eyes, the way you’re losing yourself in him.

“Haha...” he murmurs, his breath tickling your ear as his lips hover near your neck. “So love-sick…I did it all Didn't I?"

Ronin sighed, leaning his head back slightly, his eyes narrowing in amusement. "That fucking V," he muttered under his breath, shaking his head as a low laugh escaped his throat.

You blinked, still trying to catch up with the intensity of the moment. "What… what did V lie about?" you asked, your voice soft and shaky, still lost in the feeling of him so close, his presence overwhelming.

Ronin’s laughter deepened, the sound dark and teasing as he looked back down at you, his eyes gleaming with amusement. "He told me you were completely normal," he said, the grin spreading across his face. "That you didn’t even miss me." His fingers grazed your cheek, sending a shiver down your spine.

Your heart skipped a beat, a wave of exhilaration surging through you. "He told you that?!" you gasped, eyes wide. "He said the same thing to me! That you were fine without me, that you didn’t care!"

Ronin’s smirk grew more sinister, his eyes narrowing as he spoke. "So much for his precious 'justice.' Lying straight to both our faces," he said, his tone laced with mockery. "Maybe V thinks it’s all for the 'greater good.'" He rolled his eyes, clearly unamused by the thought.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. "Maybe," you teased with a grin, "he thought he was saving us or something." But before you could continue, Ronin’s hand shot up, gently pressing over your mouth.

His voice dropped lower, the playfulness fading from his eyes as he leaned in closer. "Stop talking about another guy when you’re with me."

You froze, instantly obeying, your hand instinctively covering your mouth, the playful teasing evaporating as you felt his gaze burning into you. The possessiveness in his voice sent a thrilling, electric charge through your entire body.

He chuckled at your reaction, clearly satisfied by the way you instantly silenced yourself for him. His other hand gripped your waist, pinning you harder against the wall as his eyes trailed over you, dark and hungry. "Now," he said, his tone softening into a more sinister purr, "how much did you miss me?"

Your breath hitched, your heart racing. "A lot," you whispered, your voice trembling slightly. "I missed you so much… I couldn’t focus, couldn’t think. It even messed with my writing… I just kept thinking about you, obsessing over you—"

His grip tightened, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Obsessing, huh? Sounds like you’ve been going full yandere on me." He chuckled, his fingers brushing through your hair as he leaned in closer, his lips barely an inch from yours. "Say it," he commanded, his voice dropping into that dangerous, addictive tone. "Say that you love me."

Your heart pounded as you looked into his eyes, the intensity of his gaze swallowing you whole. "I love you," you whispered, breathless, the words slipping out like a confession. "I love you… I love you…"

He raised an eyebrow, his smirk growing as you kept repeating it like a broken record, your voice desperate, lovesick. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Ronin let out a low, mocking laugh. "Pathetic," he teased, his voice dripping with amusement. "To think that I like this." He watched you, entertained, as you kept whispering the words over and over, your voice trembling with devotion.

He leaned in, his lips grazing your ear as he spoke. "Keep your attention on me… forever. Don’t even think about anyone else. It’s me you belong to. Got it? Darling?

Your heart felt like it might burst as you nodded, utterly consumed by the intensity of his words.

Ronin chuckled darkly, his lips finally crashing against yours once again, sealing you completely in his world. There was no escape. There never would be.

[pilfappreciator]

floyd with a bold and flirty husb male reader headcanons <333

Mans was literally tortured and almost died. LET HIM HAVE A HUBBY I SAY!!

Floyd x Reader: just an emo and his husband

Includes: Male! Reader, fluff, slight angst, depictions of marriage/domesticity, LOTS of down bad behavior (mostly on Reader's end), mentioned John Dory

💔 You guys are literally married, so chances are Floyd cares for you deeply. He's been to hell and back in the past few years so finally having someone in his life who so easily helps ease that pain by just... existing in his general area??

💔 But you're not some rabid fan who paid a fortune just to come meet him backstage so he could sign a poster. You're his HUSBAND. The two of you have HISTORY. Like he actually MARRIED your ass... there was a wedding and vows and EVERYTHING!!

💔 He's more grateful than you'll ever know <33

💔 With that being said, this man definitely gets flustered whenever you start putting the moves on him

💔 Not to say he doesn't know how to be suave and charming himself, don't get me wrong! He was in a super popular boy band back in the day, so obviously he's got SOME semblance of game going on (definitely feel like Bruce tried to teach his brothers how to bag hotties when they were younger ajshjakaak—)

💔 So yeah, he's obviously gonna react differently whenever you're the one giving him compliments lol

💔 If you're being more like? Playfully flirty?? Like as in you're coming over and leaning up against the wall beside him, giving him appreciative glances and flirting as if you've never met before???

💔 He's either gonna match your energy and reciprocate, or just sigh and roll his eyes

💔 "Hey sexy, come here often?" *bites lip*

"Please stop blocking the door to the bathroom 🙄"

💔 He'll act like he hates it he does not

💔 But he DOES hate if you smack his ass tho okay DO NOT DO IT!! He'll start having flashbacks from his Brozone days (cough cough John Dory cough cough)

💔 HOWEVER!!! If you're very genuine in your flirting? Like if you're constantly waxing poetic about how he's the most beautiful man to exist, or he catches you staring adoringly when he's trying to have a conversation with you, or he wakes up one morning to find you with the softest look in your eyes as you tell him how lucky you are to have him and how you could never be more grateful to have met????

💔 This man is turning the same shade of his hair VERY QUICKLY ALSDHLKAJDS (he might require medical attention ://)

💔 If you wanna fluster this man even more? Flirt with him in public

💔 NO CUZ LIKE?? He'll tolerate your bad pickup lines and cheesy romantic gestures in the comfort of your shared home no problem, but if you pull ANY of that shit where OTHER TROLLS CAN SEE????

💔 Screw Velvet and Veneer, call him pookie bear around any of his brothers and you're gonna be writing his obituary cuz this man WILL DIE

💔 But if you smack is ass at the farmers market you ARE getting divorced ://

💔 I feel like after the whole "being imprisoned in a diamond prison and regularly getting the life siphoned outta you for who knows how long" situation, Floyd becomes a little touch starved

💔 Maybe not in a strong sense (COUGH COUGH John Dory COUGH COUGH), but any sorta non-harmful touch definitely starts to hit different after you've been tortured for a period of time

💔 As his husband, you have a duty to hug/cuddle/caress this man as much as possible okay THAT IS NON-NEGOTIABLE!! Gently wrap your arms around him from behind as he's washing dishes, nuzzle his face when you're going to bed, rub your thumb against the back of his palm whenever you're holding hands, ANYTHING!!! He will melt <33

AHHHHH MY FAVORITE EMO!! THANK YOU FOR THE PROMPT ANON THIS WAS SO CUTEE!! Floyd literally DIED in the movie okay, he deserves a husband to do troll taxes with 🥺

[that-was-a-bit-stupid-of-you]

ttpd review: thoughts (and prayers)

cuz wtf was that. (also providing my two cents that no one gives a shit about)

Is the promotion in the room with us?

Not going to lie, this part pissed me off. As a post evermore release swiftie, the first album release I got was midnights. And while the promotion for midnights wasn't astoundingly genius, the track list release (midnights mayhem with me) was smart. Everyday, there would be chaos all over social media of taylor taking out a number and releasing the track name. The excitement over YOYOK was to die for. But after reaching peak fame, girlie just decided shit wasn't necessary anymore. Absolutely no promotion for ttpd, except a few lyrics that provided no context (or excitement) whatsoever. That, and the very non subtle "hinting" of some big reveal of what went down between her and joe, by making some playlists, that not only ruined the perspective of many of her fans and the relationship they had with her previous songs, but ALSO. THE ALBUM HAD BARELY ANYTHING ABOUT JOE. (Not that i personally care about what happened, but it was so unnecessary to center the ONLY promotion done around someone who was barely a part of the album). Swifties went on the internet to harass joe alwyn (and his female coworkers) who might as well be called a special mention on a matty healy album. Why even do all that then? We will never know.

Confusion?

taylor released 31 songs, and while a double album theory coming true would be a dream come true for any swiftie, it just... wasn't. Out of 31 songs, barely 10 stood out. Some of it just didn't make sense, in any way. "Why is this on the album?" "This sounds like a midnights vault track." "No issues, maybe this is just a skip. I'll listen to the next. Oh wait nvm. Um." Like girl what. It just feels like a giant vault album of synth pop music.

Also, it's called the tortured poets department. There is barely anything poetic or tortured about the album aesthetic. Except maybe it's torturing me, but I'm as much of a poet as she is, which basically means I'm not one.

The album just feels so different than the other albums, in the sense that they followed an aesthetic, a certain style of music and lyrics, and created some sort of story. This one just feels like she wrote many songs and put them all on an album, picked whatever track name seemed interesting enough as the album name, and called it a day. Some of the songs are gems, some create a confusion as to why they are on this album, and some just make you cringe- or atleast go "wtf". Which is fine, but if not even half the songs fall under the first category out of 30 songs, then it's a problem.

These were written by... taylor?

The lyrics omfg. I'm not going to be one of those ppl who go around saying that the lyrics sounded like an emo middle schooler (I've heard this take) BUT again, some songs have lyrics that make you question how taylor, someone who wrote the albums folklore and evermore, and many great songs like would've, could've, should've, story of us, all too well, fearless, white horse, dbatc, daylight, red... I could keep going tbh, produced...this.

It was very weird to listen to the words "tattooed golden retriever" from someone who wrote "handsome, you're a mansion with a view" (also who the FUCK is calling matty healy that??)

A very important part of taylor's music is how it is focused on the lyrics. The music itself isn't the most special, or different, in most of her songs, but what makes them (and her) special is her songwriting. However, from her songwriting going from commonly used phrases and idioms to make them tell a story, use a wide range of vocabulary, heavily using personification, allusion, transferred epithet, and a few other figures of speech that she uses in her songs to make elements such as colours, for example, tell a story, in a way it seemed effortless and fit perfectly, to this... now it feels like she's trying to do that, but that's it. She's TRYING, and it's not yielding results, and seems more like a try hard "poet" rather than... whatever she was going for. The songs are filled with self-satisfied "clever" metaphors that are being reused and recycled over and over. This is not what ppl meant when they asked you to be more environmentally friendly, taylor.

Final thoughts I guess?

While the songs are basically only an empty shell of something that taylor used to make, the album isn't all bad. Some of the songs do sound good and go well with taylor's voice (aaron dessner, the fucking legend you are) and are quite enjoyable, if not as memorable as her other songs.

There are songs such as the prophecy, clara bow, so long, london, loml, guilty as sin?, etc., that really do come through and honestly I really like them.

I do feel that the album can grow on people, but it's just... not the best. Like she says so much, and not to quote taylor swift, but genuinely the only thing in my head right now is "the more you say, the less I know".

Overall, the album is fine, but not in taylor swift standards. It's just... not bad, with some exceptions.

[zorlovinghue]

Novel/Manhwa Recommendations

..... which you might not know exist, already know and read but got no other creature to talk about it, in shambles cuz there's little exposure, know but haven't read yet, don't know and might be interested, and etcetera etcetera.

==============================

Is It Bad That the Main Character's a Roleplayer

You see it right. From the cover and title alone, we know the MC is a chuunibyo with concerning level of emo. He is Demon Knight. Yes, that's what he called, I haven't read far so I'm not sure if the name will be revealed later on.

MC's characterization is, if you know Lee Hoyeol from [The Player Hides His Past], that's exactly him, except he had to do it himself, so the secondhand embarrassment is........ strong—

The setting and world building is great, the fighting scenes is clearly detailed and I especially love that every arc is elaborate. You can see the author put effort in their research and there's plenty of staggering inspiration on how close-combat scenes in specific background could be proceed–if you're an author looking for that exact thing, you can give it a shot and if you're a reader, this is magnificent and brilliantly done!

(The arc in the sea is quite long, there's pirate and stuff too if you're interested *ominous whisper*)

Poor guy wants to come back but have to be hero first. This give a new perspective on how transmigration story with MC who got normal (yes) background and family he cherished will become, the emotional tones is particularly deep for this one but the action did a wonderful job in balancing things out.

I was Mistaken as a Monstrous Genius Actor (adapted to manhwa)

You may be aware that I've been into this lately... And yeah I'm gonna babbling about this more.

MC's name is Kang Woojin. His parents still alive, he got a younger sister and three best buddies. All alive! Wow, no one's dead. This is not a transmigration, regression or reincarnation story either. I'm pleasantly surprised, which is ironic in and of itself.

He got a power that allowed him to enter the world of the script and live as the character he chooses to act on, both a blessing and a curse. Since most of them are dead in the end so he died multiple times too. His power gives proper carrot and whips, meaning although it was dizzying he was able to take a rest too, no fainting accident even if he's overworked to death.... So far! I'm nearing 300ish chapter and the novel had finished with 480 chapter, highly likely won't be any fainting accident.

What I love about this story is that the pacing is fast yet precise. Date, month, year... Name of the day and time, contrary to my initial fear of having this tedious, it's actually really helpful to have a fxcking crystal clear timeline! In Korean novel at that!

This is misunderstanding-based story, like the author directly and straight up telling the reader that

Is the main focus.

This story have more comedy, so although the story itself have emotional tones sometimes, it is less pronounced when it comes to the MC himself (the characters he acted on got better treatment bruh)– which can be either good or bad depending on your tastes, but if you prefer action more like me then this is actually a good thing. And, this is a novel where I can perfectly say that it utilizes sensory perceptions more than 'poetic' description, incredible for that!

Another thing, a sensitive one and I braced myself for this, is that the novel actually friendly. Vietnam, Japan, Hollywood... And French later on (i haven't reach that point yet). MC going abroad like he was taking casual stroll is everything. The 'passion' and 'competitive' spirit is the tamest and calmest I have ever found. You can clearly, clearly see the author did it as minimally as possible and overtime cleverly utilize the flow so the relationship between the countries is now welcoming, not just tolerated. The amount of scarcity for this is enough to warrant acknowledgement.

The Player Hides His Past (adapted to manhwa)

Lee Hoyeol here...! Been a while since I read the novel so I apologize in advance.

This is game-turn-reality story, you might already know from the title so I just want to say that one more time.

His character's name is Grandfell Claudi Arpheus Romeo, which he created on his early teens, another chuunibyo here. The story's world-building is great, the exploration of each arc is immersive and I love the emotional tones was clearly conveyed when it's due. It did a good job in adding depth and actually fleshed out the characters' existence excellently.

The fighting scenes, the strategies, and the executions are all great! It was amazing that even though the world building was quite complex it turned out brilliantly, so the dissonance is little to nothing and you can vividly portrayed the world of the characters.

Oh and, he is another MC with complete family. Goodness gracious, he's the youngest out of four siblings and have a niece too! It's the adorable part that I absolutely adore.

==============================

[biggie-chcese]

1, 7 and 13 for the choose violence ask game

The questions that are the foundation of why I hate certain characters (or how they're perceived) lmao

you didnt say the fandom so im gonna choose different ones from my fandoms based on how strongly i feel about them (rain code and tgaa)

(rain code) the character everyone gets wrong OOOO okay imma say vivia twilight. feels like a lot of the fandom either slots him into a "komaeda" archetype (which he just straight up Isn't), a stereotypical emo boy character, or just kinda only making him thirsty for yakou? his admiration for yakou is a pretty decent chunk of his character but it's got major case of "character acknowledged only for shipping" vibes to it if that makes sense. if he's gonna simp make it more in character dammit!!! (/lh) it's a shame to me because i really do love vivia's entire arc and story about "comfortable lies vs uncomfortable truths" and his general non-confrontational, deflective behavior (especially when using poetics to avoid ever being straightforward about something, love him for that). i'd love to make more art/fic of him. unfortunately i also am not the vivia expert (that title i'd gladly hand over to loremaster) and kinda struggle to capture his voice lol (i do wanna get good at this someday) so i wouldn't really tout myself as someone who gets him "right" either lmao. but you don't gotta be a chef to know when the food is off, yknow?

(tgaa) what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them? kazuma asougi i got so sick of his ass thanks to the fandom (especially because a LOT of kazuma enjoyers were also massive BVZ haters and also made ryunosuke's character all about shipping him with kazuma) but nowadays im more neutral about him. i still dont really care much for him anymore even though i miss the time when i was really obsessed w him.

(rain code) worst blorboficiation martina electro oh my god. (jigsaw voice) rain code fandom, as you can see, there is a giant cubing compressor surrounding you. i have before you a picture of marina electro. you have to say what you like about her character without simply saying she's hot or using some variation of "girlboss." you have five minutes. on top of that, many fans like to pretend she's yomi's helpless victim when she's just as fucked up and complicit in his shit right up until she gets sent to die. i already voiced my opinion on what happens afterwards in my "why yomi should've died" post (which btw isnt a yomi hate post just me talking about missed story potential) but that's spoilers for you lemon so im leaving it at that

[bloodied-dagger]

some song recs based off lyrics

@rainbowangel110 has asked, so I shall deliver

did I spend entirely way too much time on this? Yes. Was it worth it? Probably not. Did I have to add the lyrics I related to the most for every single song? No, but rainbow specifically mentioned the lyric posting and it's fun soooooo (anyways it's 4:30 AM over here so. if you see any mistakes, no you didn't. I'll edit this in the morning so it won't have any)

Complete list without the commentary is at the bottom. List is in a Song Title - Artist format

Alternative

“Alternative” is being very loosely used here, there will be other genres mixed in here. Also, there is no particular order for this bit

I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons This is probably the most country song you'll ever get out of me, right next to the Nickleback song I've got in there

'Cause I will wait I will wait for you And I will wait I will wait for you

BREATHING UNDERWATER - Hot Milk This is very alt-rock emo of me, sorry rainbow

I tried breathing underwater to drown out the doubt Cracked under the pressure and nearly bled out You said you'd always save me - so where are you now? Feels like I'm failing, I'm dancing while drowning alone

Bells - The Unlikely Candidates Honestly I don't really care about the lyrics for this one, I just think I should throw something a bit more mellow after that last one and it's a good song so

And where we go, nobody knows Those bells are ringing, ringing loud Oh lord, we're going down - six underground Those bells are ringing, ringing loud

Razzmatazz - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME Once again I throw a song in for the vibes and not the lyrics. Sue me

And now, well Some things just cannot be fixed With sparkled tongues and politics In a fascist little paradox, we all become anonymous

Rule #11 - My Dream, My Addiction - Fish in a Birdcage Okay, last one I'm adding for the vibes- for now

I, I've never seen a storm this fierce I, am feelin' rather small in here As the walls start to compress Shifting, squirming, restlessness

For You - Loveless Alright now here's a song I'm adding for the lyrics. It's also more on the rock song but it's not that heavy I don't think (maybe minus the bridge where it goes all heavy metal baseline for 8 or so bars)

Wasted my time Why would I ever waste another line on you, you? Crossing the line Why would I ever tell another lie for you, you?

Apologies - acloudyskye You must be something else if you thought we were getting out of this list without a skye song in here. This one isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea bc it's electronic but I like it so

I often think about their lives A fault in me I can't deny And in the end I won't even think So, apologies for all these things

Broken Zipper - Group Project You know I had to put a gp song on here somewhere. This one's def a more feel good song, also one I use to call myself out on with when I'm getting pissed about the little things Although it is a love song about crushing on your best friends sister or something? Whatever

You spend one week's worth of pay on your night out Wrote in pen and ran out of white out Lost your shades and it's much too bright out But who the fuck cares when you're breathing fine right now?

Could've Been Me - The Struts This song has made me cry, and that's an achievement when it's as upbeat of a song as it is

I wanna live better days Don't want to look back and say "It could've been me It could've been me"

Playing Dead - VIOLÀ Came because the song is an emo banger, stayed because I related to it a little while later. This one's also very rock, but I have to have a few in here

But if this is the last time I say sorry Then I'll take it back, 'cause I don't mean it You are the cancer in my body I'm done playing dead 'cause I still feel it

Through the Ghost - Shinedown No idea what living "through the ghost" means but it sounds poetic as hell

Speak of the devil, Look who just walked into the room The guilty invaded notion Of someone I once knew

Reason for Living - Morgan Page This song is actually for the beat saber soundtrack, and so is the next one. Naturally, it's on the more electronic/dance side of things but some of the lyrics are Big Mood™ so

'Cause I don't even sleep no more these days No such thing as staying up too late And nobody's at home waiting for me I'm staying up on a feeling - it's the reason for living

Heavy Weight (feat. Beat Saber) - Lindsey Stirling The fact that beat saber can get lindsey-fucking-stirling on a song is kind of crazy to me. Like. What

Heavy weight Feel it in my past mistakes But I think I've carried them For way too long

Inertia - AJR The shortest songname - artistname on this whole list, probably because it's competition is an artist who's name is abbreviated to IDKHBTFM. Anyway, when this came out I fucking Felt It hearing these words for the first time, and they still hit me the same way (maybe even more effectively than before)

An object in motion Don't ask where I'm going 'Cause where I am going is right where I am (Oh man!)

Alma Mater - Group Project This song reminds me of good times. Maybe not better times, but good ones that're long gone now.

I said "Hey, Why we always end up staying out late, Staying out late?"

It's a love song but I'm 100% not focused on that at all /gen

(Sad, yet) Impactful

Little commentary, songs in order of how impactful each of them are in my opinion (top = least, bottom = most) Also a good portion of these are probably heartbreak songs or smth but I'm pretending they're not like an aromantic would

Cellphone - Promoting Sounds & Nate Kest

It's getting late, I sipped too much Look at me strange, I'll be too blunt I'm easy to hate; I'm hard to love But you love me anyway - or is it lust?

I Won't Beg for You - Chri$tian Gate$

'Cause I won't beg for you, my dear These knees have bled, pulled out my hair Didn't know you tried to burn us down Even when we tried to work it out

Call Me - Shinedown

I finally put it all together But nothing really lasts forever I had to make a choice that was not mine I had to say goodbye for the last time

By The Way - Theory of a Deadman I usually listen to the "(Acoustic) [Bonus Track]" version of this song when I'm sad. figured that was worth mentioning so it isn't out of place (a hard rock song in the middle of a slower song list)

By the way You left without saying goodbye to me Now that you're gone, away All I can think about is you and me, you and me

Rayleigh Scattering - acloudyskye

And if it gets better It's taking forever And what's with this weather? It's not getting better

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

So Before you go Was there something I could've said to make it all feel better? If only I had known you had a storm to weather

Landing In London - 3 Doors Down

And when the night comes in around me And I don't think I'll make it through I'll use your light to guide my way 'Cause all I think about is you

Ashes of Eden - Breaking Benjamin

Are you with me after all? Why can't I hear you? Are you with me through it all? Then why can't I feel you?

To Build a Home - Grace Page

And I built a home For me, for you Until it disappeared From me, from you And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust...

Better Than Me - Bohnes

'Cause I Know that you Deserve better than me Better than me, yeah

My Body Is a Cage - Peter Gabriel This one's only here because of that full orchestra impact moment honestly

I'm standing on a stage Of fear and self doubt It's a hollow play But they'll clap anyway

No Time To Die - Billie Eilish

I should've known That I'd leave alone Just goes to show That the blood you bleed is just the blood you owe

My Immortal - Effervescent

These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world?

Somewhere Out There - acloudyskye

It's over Oh, and under Under we go So far below

Full list, no commentary:

Alternative

I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons

BREATHING UNDERWATER - Hot Milk

Bells - The Unlikely Candidates

Razzmatazz - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Rule #11 - My Dream, My Addiction - Fish in a Birdcage

For You - Loveless

Apologies - acloudyskye

Broken Zipper - Group Project

Could've been me - The Struts

Playing Dead - VIOLÀ

Through the Ghost - Shinedown

Reason for Living - Morgan Page

Heavy Weight (feat. Beat Saber) - Lindsey Stirling

Inertia - AJR

Alma Mater - Group Project

Impactful

Cellphone - Promoting Sounds & Nate Kest

I Won't Beg For You - Chri$tian Gate$

Call Me - Shinedown

By The Way (Acoustic) [Bonus Track] - Theory of a Deadman

Rayleigh Scattering - acloudyskye

Before you go - Lewis Capaldi

Landing in London - 3 Doors Down

Ashes of Eden - Breaking Benjamin

To Build a Home - Grace Page

Better Than me - Bhones

My Body Is a Cage - Gabe Peters

No Time to Die - Billie Eilish

My Immortal - Effervescent

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Somewhere Out There - acloudyskye

[shortpplfedup]

NiNi! You have waxed poetic in the past on the superlative writing of Bad Buddy, which I’m rewatching for the first time and marveling at. What are your top three best-written Asian dramas besides BBS, and why?

Now Turts, why would you do this to me? 🤣 You KNOW how I feel about writing, and you didn't specify BL or Asian drama in general, so you get both...lol. I'm also glad you said 'besides BBS' so I can take that one as a given.

NINI'S BEST-WRITTEN ASIAN TV DRAMAS (OF THE LAST 10 YEARS)

NON-BL VARIANT

My Country: The New Age (Korea)

An epic tragedy THAT SHOULDA BEEN MORE GAY. Set at the birth of the Joseon era, it tells the story of lifelong friends Seo Hwi and Nam Seon Ho who find themselves on opposite sides of a revolutionary war. I am always emo about the stories, but this one had me weeping buckets because of how the friendship was written. The writing wasn't complex but it was incredibly powerful.

3 Star Bar in Nishi Ogikubo (Japan)

I love when Japan does anthology-style stories like this. The basic premise of this is Amamiya, a master bartender, Nakauchi, a chef who has lost his sense of taste and Kobayashi, a writer in a years-long slump, were high school classmates 10 years ago. Kobayashi's grandfather left him the titular bar, and a shit-ton of canned food. He has to run the bar until all the canned food runs out, so Nakauchi becomes the bar's canned-food chef. Various customers come to the bar, have a meal made by Nakauchi, a cocktail from Amamiya and tell Kobayashi about their lives and woes. When the canned food eventually runs out, after some drama, they all agree to keep running the bar. I've made it sound very dry, but it is SUCH a clever and emotionally provocative show!

The Gifted/The Gifted: Graduation (Thailand)

It's hard to write a fresh take on teenagers with powers fighting a corrupt and coercive establishment, but this show managed it, along with some incredibly sharp and pointed political commentary that I'm sometimes still surprised got aired on GMMTV.

BL VARIANT

Gaya Sa Pelikula (Like in the Movies) (The Philippines)

Not content to merely tug at my heartstrings, this show ripped them out and stomped on them. I have not ever been the same.

I Promised You The Moon (Thailand)

You knew this one was coming. This show turned me inside out. It pantsed me, read my diary and took my lunch money. It spared no sacred cows and took no prisoners. It didn't care about the fans' feelings, only the characters' truths. Ugly, but real.

To My Star/To My Star 2 (Korea)

I curse you for limiting me to 3 Turts, but if I must choose a top 3 (sans BBS), this is my third thing. This is all…you also like me. That’s what it sounds like to me. Ji Woo, if it’s hard for you, I’ll go to you. Park Young, the screenwriter, wrote that line and expected me to just...live laugh love with that out in the world. Rude.

[junebugwriter]

Transgender Dysphoria Blues

It was around 2005. In my dorms, I made a lot of different kinds of friends, and because it was the mid-2000s, we passed around CD's to show new music to each other. Back then, one of my friends introduced me to a band of theirs from their home state, a band called Against Me!. I said I enjoyed punk and emo stuff, and he said I'd like this band.

From the first moment, I heard the raw voice of the lead singer. This person was straining, yelling, screaming with melodic intensity and purpose, laser-focused on the rage, frustration, and despair that comes with young adulthood in the Bush era. They talked about love, and death, and how our future was sold out from under us. They sang

"Baby, I'm an anarchist and you're a spineless liberal We marched together for the eight-hour day and held hands in the streets of Seattle But when it came time to throw bricks through that Starbucks window You left me all alone, all alone..."

I was enthralled. I had never encountered anything like this music before. Well, that's not true. I'd heard punk before--older stuff, like the Clash, the Sex Pistols, the Ramones, stuff that spoke to a moment in time that seemed ancient to me but was only a couple of decades before--but not punk like this. Not punk that actually had some fucking teeth. Not punk that wasn't afraid to be proudly anarchistic, nakedly political, and darkly poetic in this way.

In 2007, I got the newer album, New Wave, and again, this was more of the stuff I loved. Sure, New Wave was a bit more polished, but it was still filled with all those rough emotions that spoke to a disaffected young "man" like me. There was something to the way the lead singer belted out those bars that really nailed something within me, something ineffable, intangible at the time. Something gestating quietly within my brain, a feeling that something wasn't quite right with me, but couldn't be named.

The final song on New Wave, "The Ocean," threw me for a loop. These lyrics... were different.

"And if I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman My mother once told me she would have named me Laura I'd grow up to be strong and beautiful like her...

There is an ocean in my soul Where the waters do not curve..."

At first, I thought this was simply poetic license, imagining a different life, imagining one in which they could be completely different, living a humble, domestic existence far from the drugs and rock and roll. One of simplicity, happiness, bliss. But... something gnawed at me. Why a woman? Why that name? Mysterious to my young brain.

I had not yet heard the word "transgender." I didn't have any context for it. But I knew the ocean in the soul, whose waters did not curve. I knew the depths that dwelled beneath. I knew that there was so much more to my being that even I couldn't quite understand.

Time passed. I graduated from undergrad, and had moved on to graduate school. In grad school, I had more education about LGBTQ+ issues, and had drawn closer to being in the "ally" camp of things, even in the Methodist church. I was drawn to the cause, yet couldn't quite understand why I identified with so many of the struggles they faced.

Near the end of it, a year before I graduated, news came out about the lead singer of Against Me!. She was transgender. Her name was Laura Jane Grace.

My mind raced. Wait, what? The singer with the raspy, raw, and to my mind, thoroughly masculine voice... was a woman now? I googled furiously. I had to learn more. I read every article about her. I drank deep of the news. I had to understand how this turn of events could be. Wait, someone can just... be a woman? And not know it? You can simply do that?

I watched some interviews with her. She seemed thoroughly natural in more feminine clothing. She smiled far more than I thought possible, knowing what she looked like before. She was... happy.

I was worried. What would happen to this band, now that their singer was different? Would her voice change? Would their songs change? I was nervous. But also... I was oddly excited. I knew what a trans person was. I knew that it was a thing you could be. But now, it suddenly became personal in a weird way. Because now I knew a trans person, if not personally, but through the art they made.

A couple years later, they came out with a new album. For whatever reason, I never took the time to listen to it. I had moved out to the country, and buying CDs was becoming passé, but I didn't know how else to buy music now, because I didn't want to bother buying songs through Apple. So... I never listened to it. Until recently.

Here's the title track of the album.

I no longer worried about the band. I knew that they were the same, just... actually wrestling with the thing that lurked within the ocean of Laura Jane Grace's soul.

With the kraken within the depths of my soul.

I was partly afraid of listening to the album. I was afraid of change. But I'm learning I'm more courageous than I thought I was. I'm learning to face the beast down in the depths, the dysphoria that stares back at me from the mirror each day. It has a name now. It has dimension, and weight, and yes, some days it is overwhelming and too much.

But I can fight it.

She wrestled with it in this album, highs and lows. Regrets, memories, eulogies for lost friends. All through the funhouse lens of gender dysphoria. And suddenly, all the rage, all the fury, came roaring back to the fore. The rage had an edge, and the edge cannot be dulled because it is an edge piercing all the way down to the spinal column. The cracks in the voice, the strain of the vocal cords, the tears and the joy and the endless, rocking waves of emotional turmoil... they can be viewed clearly now. They had a name.

It's a good album. I think every trans femme ought to listen to it, especially if you like punk. Because all the anarchist fury and anti-establishment wit is still there, just with a different set dressing, with a different lens, a different focus. If anything it's sharper. More raw. More powerful.

Happy Pride. This is the anthem of the month for me. I'm trans, and I'm going to help burn this world down build a better one in its ashes.

Thank you, Laura Jane, and Against Me!. You helped me understand the weapons in my hands better than any other band.

[messyo5]

Hey kids, I'm reading Nevernight for the first time, LOVING IT, and these are some of my first impressions for chapters 1-5:

I absolutely love the way shes described, fr said "She's lowk emo, short, and ugly as hell but she's a pistol"

"If her face was a puzzle, most would put it back in the box unfinished." Is on the same page she's getting roasted but yk it's such a line that I feel speaks to me to how a lot of people feel about themselves, idk I think it slaps

"Not a beauty that lovers would die for, armies would march for, heroes might slay a God or daemon for. All in contrast to what you've been told by your poets, I'm sure. But she wasn't without her charm, gentlefriends. And all your poets are full of shit." - pg 9 literally what I'm saying "She look kinda odd but she's got personality I prommy"

In all complete honesty I like how particularly with how the book started with a sex scene right off the bat, it is made perfectly clear that SHE IS NOT DELICATE, PRETTY, OR POETICALLY ATTRACTIVE. Which is such an odd thing to appreciate but I'm just so tired of seeing so many books where fem protagonists are the subtly borderline MPDG mix of delicate sexy innocent and badass Mary Sue. Thank you so much Kristoff good move, keep it up, I really am glad that was written in because I feel like despite the fact we see sex and losing virginity as a parallel to death and killing for the first time (gorgeous gorgeous right up my alley) people will still manage to find a way to sexualize and idealize the mc because of its presence (despite the fact that it was literally so fucking painfully obvious, Pettit Mort and everything, but yk we Live In A Society).

"Its truth to say in all save solitude- and in some sad cases, even then- you can always count on the company of fools." -pg 18

Literally these footnotes give me life "You're a pretty thing*" "*A poet this one, and no mistake*" -pg 19

Tric is so babygirl from the moment I met him I think I decided I love him he's just so babygirl so so babygirl I love him must be protected at all costs

"A burst of profanity so colorful you could fling it into the air and call it a rainbow" -pg 48. In this house we forever stan characters that cuss like sailors, if it's not R just because of the language then I don't want it

The whole Cunt vs Cock dialogue just makes me love Mia so so so much like yes girl you're so right I agree with everything. And you are so Cunty!!! Cunt it up in here girl!! I don't blame Tric for falling head over heels at all me too! Too cunt to not fall!

[humanpurposes]

i often think of how different your writing style is to your fellow writers, and I wonder if you are very picky about what you consume/read because of it.

Do you often venture outside of your own writing style to read fics that are different and yet, good? If yes, would you recommend them?

It's interesting thinking about style because it is obviously subjective and very personal to each writer. I like to think I have quite a distinct voice as a writer and fanfiction has really helped me settle into that after not writing anything for a long time.

I think you learn a lot from the stories around you, if it's fics, books, movies, plays, history, music, whatever, especially when you branch out of your own style or comfort zone. I love exploring other people's writing and comparing it to my own, seeing what details they focus on, how they describe people and settings. I think essentially, the most important thing for me as a reader/consumer of media is that the story and the characters are interesting. As long as you've got a good story (and smut and yearning and pining), I'm happy.

I've specifically thought this about Sam (@randomdragonfires) and Justine's (@theoneeyedprince) writing, that they're very different to mine but that's why I love reading their fics. They both have a really classic, poetic feel to their writing, and internal, if that makes sense? I personally struggle with internal monologue because that's just not how my brain works, I think I focus a lot more on actions and dialogue. But that all really lends itself to the stories they tell, love you guys 🥺❤️

Also Ange @ewanmitchellcrumbs is one of my favs on here because the level of detail and the subtleties that go into her fics make for such immersive stories. Her writing feels very grounded and real and I really admire that about her. And her dedication to character is something I really appreciate 🥰

I have some more specific recs just because I wanted to ramble about some fics I like. Also because it's me, these are all a bit DD;DNE

I could see your shadow in the water (beneath the castle where you broke my heart) by Rueluxxx This is a fem!Lucerys fic told from the pov of Aemond and Lucerys' son. It's not a love story at all, it's very traumatic. But THE REASON WHY I am obsessed with this fic is the tragedy of loving someone and never being able to make amends. Aemond reaches a point where he realises how much he's made his wife suffer and starts living in this delusion where he tries to win her back but it will never be enough. They loved each other as children, they work well together as rulers, they have their own children now, and she will always do her duty as his wife, but no matter how hard Aemond tries, Lucerys will never want him. Chapter 6 in particular broke my heart, some of the best dialogue I've read.

Moon Song by @randomdragonfires We're following a pattern here of Aemond's doomed marriages but this was made specifically for me!! This focuses on Aemond's guilt after he murders Luke at Storm's End, only to come back home to his wife, Luke's twin sister. I love how this fic creates the juxtaposition of Aemond's suffering and guilt, how he still longs for a relationship with his wife and is haunted by the image of her twin brother. And it's told from his pov so you're left wondering about his wife's lingering longing and hatred, if she wants to salvage their marriage, if she fears him and just wants to appease him? Anyway, Aemond feels like he's losing her to the brother he murdered, and no spoilers but the ending is WOW.

Rumours by @adragonprinceswhore Oh boy, another failed marriage. Fun fact about Inka, she actually owns my soul. I'm so emo for Fleetwood Mac and this fic combines my two favourite things to ever exist. Despite definitely being in the wrong here, Aemond is my favourite character in this, his struggle to express his own feelings and the love he had/still has for his ex-wife. He feels betrayed because she left him, guilty because he hurt her, and the way the music is woven into this just adds a whole other level of emotion. AND HE WAS THE ONE TO WRITE STORMS??? I can't deal. "I'm your family now, Aemond." Liar. Will never not get me.

Ok that's all I have for you, ta ra x

[sammyluvr]

HEY BABY IM SENDING IN MULTIPLE FOR THE CHARACTER ASK GAME :D

2, 8, 15, 21, and 24 for sammy

4, 12, 18, and 25 for spencer reid! or if not emily prentiss :))

(also fun fact ive never finished criminal minds LOL i got to the point where derek left and i stopped watching it, i should probably finish it though)

ughh i love you so much and i hope you have a good day!!

YAHOOO HEHEHEHE sorry this post is so very long LOL

character ask game !

SAMMY ! 2. favorite canon thing about this character? .... everything maybe ???? omg how do i choose i love everything about him uhhhhh . he's awkward and so so sweet <3 he learned sign language for eileen, he has beautiful hair, he's sassy, he's a gentle giant, he wants so badly to be good but doesn't think he is T_T and on and on and on and on because everything about him is my favorite

8. what's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise? oh my fucking god do NOT get me started LMAO . blaming him for things he didn't do/couldn't control (usually because dean blames him for it). ignoring how queer coded he is / calling him the straightest character (often in a destiel context). just consistently and aggravatingly misinterpreting / misunderstanding his character and hating on him for their bad and unintelligent takes on him! i could go into lots of detail about that but i won't because then this will be a rant post that will make me so angry :D el oh el

15. what's your favorite ship for this character? (doesn't matter if it's canon or not.) i think samjess heh i'm basic but i'm a huge sucker for them. and definitely definitely saileen!

21. if you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? what's something you don't like? hehehe hmmm i don't have a singular favorite thing, but i love making him call reader "honey." i adore giving him softness and care and so much love and a goddamn break! in general i love writing hurt/comfort with him as well <3 and i love describing his emotions and exploring how i interpret his character through that. as for dislikes i'm not too sure hmm

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them? i haven't really watched much since i started spn so i haven't really been watching anything and been like omg! that person reminds me of sam! but i totally see the sam and spence parallels (super smart, autistic coded, younger brother vibes, tall, sweet and awkward etc)!

...

SPENCER & EMILY ! (doing both because i adore em too much not to lol) 4. if you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? spence : huh i've never thought of this before uhhh i'd put him in a studio ghibli film! so he can be the sweet main character but end up with a lovely, poetic, simple life instead of being constantly traumatized by one thing or another LOL i just think he'd make the cutest studio ghibli love interest?? emily : anything with lesbians so she can kiss girls :D HAHAHA or i'd put them all in supernatural for a spn x cm crossover !!! i think that would be way too fun ugh. wanna see her as a vampire also.

12. what's a headcanon you have for this character? spence : he dislikes overhead lighting! it's the autism :] emily : she's lesbian but that's canon to me RAHHH um. that she prefers to listen to music in different languages and really likes finding obscure artists! (but still has her favorite emo grunge stuff that she listened to in middle/high school heh)

18. how about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? spence : him and garcia!! i really really really adore their friendship so so very much <3 and him in luke in later seasons! emily : heh. jemily ??? lesbians ??? okay but i really love her and garcia as well i just love penny so so much

25. what was your first impression of this character? how about now?spence : thought he was very very cute and endearing! i still think that way, but i also love having a more informed and nuance view of him after so many seasons and developments to his character. emily : i thought she was really interesting! i was intrigued by her character and the way she was very forward and didn't back down when there was a misunderstanding about her transfer to the unit. love that she stood up for herself! and wow she's so pretty (didn't know i was gay yet) now it's just RAHHH LESBIANISMMM (i adore everything about her character and again, i just love knowing her better and seeing all sides of her)

[artzychic27]

Some Clone High NathMarc quotes because I’m a psycho for this au

@imsparky2002 @msweebyness

Ivan: Goth's darkness is nihilistic whereas Emo's is cynical.

Juleka: Wait, I thought we were nihilistic. ...Whatever, it doesn't matter.

Ivan: No, see, you're cynical.

Juleka: Oh yeah, you're right.

—

Alya: It's the Emo kids! *The other Vamp kids turn to look at the Emos and take to hissing and snarling at them. Louis steps forward and snarls at Marc as he and Nathaniel head for the podium*

Nathaniel: Ugh! You spit on me, Louis! *Adrien steps down so he can address the Vamps* Uhh, hey everybody, uuhm, I know we aren't on the greatest terms right now. We realize we called you all jackasses, and we're sorry we burned down the Hot Topic at the mall.

Marc: Sorry.

—

Juleka: So, all of a sudden you Justin and Britney wannabes think it's cool to dress like us?

Adrien: We dress the way our souls feel, to express the darkness, per se.

Nathaniel: … Aren't you Adrien Agreste?

Adrien: That's Vampir Agreste now.

Juleka: You kids need to all go put your freakin' Banana Republic clothes back on, right now!

Marinette: Hey, we're just as dark as you guys, maybe darker.

Marc: Really. Do you guys even think about arson?

Adrien: Of course not. That’s a crime.

Nathaniel: Oh my God.

Adrien: You know, you guys are really giving off a negative human energy. We prefer to take our darkness somewhere else, per se.

Ivan: All right, Count Fuckula, you go do that.

—

Adrien: Edgar Allan Poe was the original Vamp kid.

Marc: No, he was the original emo! But he's been dead for 150 years!

Nino: Hey, look man, all genres of Gothic subcultures are derivatives of Poe's work… Motherfucker.

—

Poe’s ghost: Children of Darkness, I would help you, but I fear I cannot be seen with a bunch of douchey Vamp kids and their poser-ass plastic fangs.

Nathaniel: Thank you!

Adrien: Hey!

Nathaniel: I'm just saying it's nice to know that Edgar Allan Poe agrees with us.

Poe’s Ghost: Agrees with who? Is that red dye in your hair or did a blood demon spit on your head, poser?

Nino: Ha! He got you there!

Nathaniel: … Your clone father is kind of a dick, Marc.

—

Nathaniel: Nobody is stopping Shadow Moth now. All will be sadness. Life will become death, and I will watch the crimson blood leak from your neck.

Ivan: Whoa. This emo kid is hardcore.

—

Kim: Dark as night. Hair like tar. Take your soooky self to the car.

Marc: Sigh. Once again, your poetic brilliance has put me to shame.

—

Alix: Nath, how the hell do you stay so mellow?

Nathaniel: I just pour all of my rage and anxiety into murals I paint for sick children.

*Cut to a child in the hospital bed having trouble sleeping because of Nathaniel’s mural depicting a haunting scene*

—

Kim: Look at them! They look exactly like Edgar Allen Poe and Vincent Van Gogh! They’re probably… Clones, or something.

Max: Kim, while scientists have been working on cloning technology, cloning humans is just… Unethical and goes against God and humanity.

Rose: I don’t know… Has anyone ever actually seen Nath’s left ear?

Akuma Class: …

Alya: Okay, obviously we need to do some detective work-

Max: Or not?

Alya: Then it’s settled.

Max: Why can only I hear me?

—

Marc: *Sitting in the school basement with Nathaniel* Wanna go out tonight? I’ve been wanting to browse the catacombs.

Nathaniel: What?!

Marc: *Turns Nathaniel’s head around* Wanna go to the catacombs tonight?

Nathaniel: That’d be lovely.

—

*Adrien somehow roped Nathaniel into modeling with him*

Stylist: *Brushing Nathaniel’s hair* With just a few snips, you’ll look- WHERE IS YOUR EAR?!

Nathaniel: Ugh. Like you’ve never seen someone with a missing body part.



[mazzystar24]

I’m never recovering from 2x11

Holy shit that was so good

So far my favourite episode

AND THE AMOUNT OF CHENFORD CONTENT AHHH IVE BEEN FED WELL

Like Tim’s reactions the whole episode AHHHHHH

imma be so emo and poetic about how the first time their lips touched was when he was resuscitating her

But ahhh and how they cling to eachother after STOP I WAS REPLAYING THAT REPEATEDLY

And the hospital scene??? What even was that LIKE ALL OF IT WAS SO GOOD AND CUTE FROM THE MOMENT SHE WOKE UP AND HE DID THAT CUTEASS SMILE AND THEN SHES LIKE WERE YOU HERE ALL NIGHT AND HES LIKE …NO AND SHES UNCONVINCED TILL HE GOT THE EXACT ORDER SHE WAS CRAVING AND SHE WAS LIKE YOU KNOW ME SO WELL AND HE WAS LIKE TOO WELL WITH THOSE FUCKING EYES

[chxna-cheeseycake]

So like at 12 years old I used to be a major and I mean MAJOR Zane fangirl. Zane Ro'Meave was my everything as a kid frfr like I would deadass defend his every action when I was 12. Like even in his MCD form you best bet that 12 year old me was using their every waking breath to stand up for Zane. I would see someone make a valid point about Zane being a dickhole for killing Jeffory and I guarantee you my 12 year old self would still try to find a way to defend Zane. That's just how much I was fucking in love with him bro. This man's straight up shaped my whole personality as a kid because his existence is why my main persona/online alias is Zana. Deadass before I gave her a heavy revamp, my persona was straight up just a female version of Zane 💀 And I always find it kind of funny because I created her long before we got canon genderbents so like... Jess you copying me gurl??/j Anyways, I was such a Zane fangirl that I even cut my bangs at 12 to try to look similar to him. I had wannabe emo bangs in 6th grade because of this fucker. He ruined my life I tell you. I never technically got rid of them either, I just let them grow to be the same length as the rest of my hair. No one in the present day will ever know about it but I will always remember. It's a memory of my middle school days that will never leave me.

And then there's the dramatic irony that after rewatching MCD and Mystreet now, Zane is no longer my number one fave anymore. It's fucking Dante now. Of course I will always love Zane, that bastard clearly holds a special place in my heart. But ultimately, Dante did in fact steal Zane's place as my number one favorite Aphverse character. He pushed Zane off the goddamn podium and snatched up the first place medal for himself. And I have no problem with that. But I just know my 12 year old self would be in pure shock if they saw that I ditched Zane for Dante lmao. Yet at the same time, I can't help but look at this in a poetic sense.

As a child I know I had such an attachment to Zane because I related a lot to him with being that person that was kinda seen as weird because I was quiet and wasn't a social person. I also had a few friends like Zane but just like him, I met some of them through a single friend that interacted with me first cuz I was far too socially awkward to speak to literally anyone. But now that I'm older, I don't really relate to Zane anymore. I'm not a full on social butterfly but back when I was 12, I couldn't even talk to people my own age that weren't friends because of my shyness and socially awkward personality. But now I'm not like that anymore. I would still say I'm a quiet person ofc but nowadays I don't freeze up and immediately get awkward when people I don't really know try talking to me. Sometimes it can still happen but I just don't really do that anymore. I don't think I actively made this choice though it just sorta happened. Growing up will just do that to you I guess lmao. And that's probably why I don't relate to Zane as much anymore and have now gravitated towards Dante. I grew up and now I find myself being more attached and sorta relating to Dante way more now than Zane. Zane's still cool to me but he's just not my fave anymore because I'm not the same person I was when I was 12.

That got way more deep than I was actually expecting lol. But I still stand by my point regardless. Zane was a huge comfort to 12 year old me but not anymore. I still love his character but he just doesn't bring me that same comfort like he did when I was 12 because I don't need that type of comfort anymore. Dante however is my new comfort character probably because I relate to him more now than I did as a kid. I barely paid attention to Dante when I was 12 but look at me now. He's all I ever seem to post about on this blog lmao. Honestly, seeing myself go from having Zane as comfort character in the past to now having Dante as my comfort character kinda brings me a peace of mind because I think it truly represents all the healing I've done over these past years. Even if it is a little silly to think about it in a deep and poetic fashion like this but I don't really care, thinking about this topic just brings me this sort of warmness I don't really know how to explain. I feel like maybe some people will understand what I'm trying to get it. Hopefully. Anyways, hope y'all enjoy my stupid thoughts and rambling because honestly I don't even know what I'm typing anymore skssjkdsdjknon