messyo5

[messyo5]

hey followers. have you ever wanted to know how it feels to be inside a bag of cornflakes

[messyo5]

the fact that languages change over time is so funny to me. we have thousands of language that work perfectly well, but no that's not good enough, we need to keep fiddling with them. no not making them better, just making them different. why? well, humans enjoy making up words and phrases. for fun. enrichment activity

[messyo5]

"wealth" means different things to different people. for me it means being able to live quietly and comfortably, adopt a pet, donate to charities I care about, be able to take care of myself in my old age, and eventually leave an inheritance to my loved ones, who will then be forced by the stipulations of my will to be locked at midnight in a Mystery Mansion and solve an elaborate series of puzzles while being mysteriously killed off one by one. and i don't think that's so much to ask

[messyo5]

I love early spring in Georgia. When heart grows hopeful for the future and softens with love for those around me. When the magnolia buds ripen and green after overwintering, their swaddling coats as soft and delicate as a kitten's ear. Winter's lingering kiss remains in wet lipped nights but her sister Summer is begging to come home to the antebellum south.

Everything is about to be new and I am here to hold a poet's witness

[messyo5]

Guys my boyfriend just said to me "our speakeasy will have a keurig" and I think that's beautiful

[messyo5]

Asexual watching monster porn for the creature designs

You want to get off your computer

You want to get off your computer and go here.

[messyo5]

Spent too long on tiktok too soon after the inauguration and now I'm presently spiraling about how the Equal Employment Opportunity Act is revoked via executive order. An act that has existed for decades now. That act was fought for by our grandparents to be released in the 60s to give women and people of color and marginalized groups equal opportunity at a job. Which in a Capitalist society is an equal opportunity for the right to Live freely and independently. The EEOA was done in 1965 and gave so many people the right to have an equal opportunity to employment and justified termination. This act is older than my mother. My mother worked in HR for a damn long time. She's conservative and has a lot to complain about Unions and other principles that I don't agree with, but the one thing she always respects and told me to remember my rights about was the EEOA. If I am fired from a place because of possible gender based discrimination my mother will be the first person telling me to line my happy ass up at the courthouse to sue. Because its not right, and its not legal.

Now I am privileged. I am white, I am middle class, I am cis and hetero passing. There's a lot of other minorities that are going to be swiped at the knees before me. But I can't help but think that if this was allowed to happen, so now any disabled person, person of color, LGBTQIA+ person can be fired or refused employment soley based on their identity and factors they cannot control, what's preventing people from outright banning certain minorities or women from working certain jobs entirely. Who says that I won't be banned from government administrative positions within the next four years. Who says my entire degree in Parks and Natural Resource Management won't be useless by the time I graduate because I won't be able to work in full time government positions because of my genitalia and gender identity. It's something that seems impossible but also in theory it should be impossible to revoke acts made in 1960 that give you the right to be judged equally under law within your workplace. I can't line up at that courthouse anymore and I can only pray I will never be given a reason to wish I could.

All of this and so much more in a week.

I am terrified.

But idk maybe hearing my grandmother talk about how excited she was to be able to have a job regaurdless of her sex so she could support her children alongside her husband radicalized me too much. Maybe hearing from my mother about when she had to threaten her boss in college to sue over violation of EEOA radicalized me. Maybe I'm just radicalized because of my college education and the year I spent studying history. Maybe the pattern recognition is just female hysteria.

Anyways I'm not even catholic anymore but I'm convinced DJT could be the antichrist.

[messyo5]

have the last five years been just a complete blur for anybody else

[messyo5]

i need this so bad

[messyo5]

I've never been a romantic. I've never been irrational. I've never believed in love at first sight. I've always remembered the chemicals and understood the prince was simply a glorified owner not a partner.

But oh the way he holds me makes me feel tones of peach and gold and trust like steel and faith like St.Peter.

I always remember the late night conversations with the women I trust. The fearful women that care. Hushed tones warn of collars and kitchen tables and bedposts and society.

But when I hear him laugh over the phone it strips me down to a little girl that believed in the best in everyone. She at her core was a hopeless romantic.

"You're a smart girl." "You do not suffer fools." "You are strong girl. Good." "You will never need anyone but yourself." "Strong independent young woman." "Smart Girl." These I've been told. These I wear like a badge of honor.

But his hand on the column of my spine and I crumble. Not from my strength. More so a bend into him. The support he lends me, the strength is not just mine for once but his too.

The care I have scares me. It's against everything I've ever known. But I suppose that's why it's called feelings, it's as simple as that. You don't know you just feel. I've never felt more safe and right in something so with which I am to be so so so weak.

This love unwraps me and my armor like a clementine to a sweet simple center. No seeds of doubt, nothing but the buttery sugary romantic I think I was born as rather than what I was made into.

[messyo5]

[messyo5]

In the light of the morning I wake to you, a stretch, and a hazy blink, nothing feels like home the same way your black comforter does.

A kiss and two more and its all it takes to turn me to ripe fruit in your hands. Yes press your hands into my shoulderblades like it'll collapse me into your sternum. Yes pull my thighs to you at the edge of the bed like plough through earth. Yes kiss me like the only breathable air is from your lips. Yes make me feel like the world in your gentle hands. All softness the same way strings of pearls are held with a kind of greedy reverence. Yes eat me alive, I trust you'll never bite hard enough to harm, just to leave a mark, just enough to take what's yours.

The music you put on your cd player, solid and analog, reliable like you. Dreamy ribbons of rhythm slide through one ear and out the other while you leave color all over my skin to a different rhythm that's only ours. Ripe, so ripe. Yes you eat me alive. Yes you press into me sweetness, ripe with time and patience and everything safe and good I have ever been privilaged to know. Because I know you.

The suncatcher in your window scatters light across the ceiling I bow to, the one I stretch my eyes to, searching for the visions of divinity that should match the way I feel. I'm met with the daylight stars scattered across the drywall, as the morning light seems to swell and ebb with our rhythm, as it feels only so natural. It must be nature. It must be the sun and the wind and the earth. The ebb and flow of us. The gravity of a morning with the one you love.

[messyo5]

I'm just here to say I'm a WOMAN and I LOVE YOU and I LOVE WHAT YOU DO found this tumblr account today I'm never leaving

Thanks. Unfortunately I hate you because you're a woman.

[messyo5]

The knowledge that I'll never be as funny as a man. I can't be as funny as his friends or his brother or anyone. My humor will be tainted as a woman's humor while theirs is simply humor or comedy. Mine is labeled with a pink W. I know I'll never be the funny one or the entertaining one or the laid back one or the favorite friend if I'm true to myself. I won't be even close to a good friend unless if I seduce you at some point in time. Because my humor is tainted by ethics, you look at me weird when I don't laugh at your jab at that minority group. The only way for me to gain status as humorous is to reflect you. Laugh at your jokes, parrot them back to you. Become the inflection of yourself you want to see more because it justifies your lazy social behavior. It's the same way I seduce you. I flirt with your pride and smudge out your insecurities with pretty smiles and laughter. You only really like yourself. You can't stand me when I act like me. You call me a bitch, say I'm on my period. Pipe down honey, your narcissism is showing.

[messyo5]

Just had some bomb ass salmon kimbob and kitchen from someone's grandma NEVER kill yourself💯💪🤠

[messyo5]

Ive never really met anyone that thought of ribs as interesting… that’s such a shame. Ribs and the things they do are fascinating…. I think about them everyday.

[messyo5]

It's one of those things that keep me up at night when I think about how some wish their One That Got Away had loved them when they were younger. To experience a purer version of themselves. To experience a softer and kinder version. As much as I want to agree for myself I don't know if I can. Of course as a child I was kinder. I was so much more conscious of everything I said and did. I really was. One of the things that scare me about myself was the strange martyrdom complex I had for most of my childhood, having the desire to want to die for some cause to prove my worth to the world. I felt as if I needed to be punished or give so much of myself to the point of damage to prove I believed and cared about anyone or anything in my life. I was not innocent. I was consumed with shame and the belief that I was the sole evil of all things bad that happened to me and everyone around me, that I needed to be overwhelmingly kind and sweet and obedient to balance out this chaos that was my existence. As a result of this self loathing I cut people off, I snipped myself from narratives with the belief that I wouldn't be able to give enough of myself to them to be worth it. Worth what? I have no idea.

I digress.

I was not soft. I was not easy to love, I know that now. Being distanced and closed off for the sake of being out of the way is not easy to love. It's easy to ignore, and I thought that was the most tolerable way for someone to love me, because what else was I but a chore.