#got an A on my english presentation today... studied some more for my business studies exam and went on a bicycle ride with my dog...

[secondhandlovers]

Hello beautiful gay ppl on my phone as always I'm haunted by terrible visions on this beautiful may afternoon

[russellsppttemplates]

That’s bullshit if I’ve heard of any (Lando Norris)

Lando finally had enough of seeing you hurt like that

Note: english is not my first language. I've been writing this one for a little bit and today felt like the day to finish it ✨️ this also felt close to home, but good to write it out, too!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: reader's self-doubt and low self esteem, loneliness, curse words, mentions a bad date with a rude person

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"Are you sure you want me to come over?", you asked your best friend over the phone, refusing to accept that he had no better plans for his Friday night now that he was not racing.

"Is this your way of telling me you don't want to come over? Because that's fine, I'll stay in - are you going somewhere though? Like a date?", Lando said over the phoneline.

"Bold of you to assume I would have plans, and with a date nonetheless", you muttered, "all I'm saying is if you have something better to do, you should go do it!", you explained, not wanting to get into the topic too deeply.

"There's nothing better than spending time with my bestfriend! Do you need me to pick you up or do you feel comfortable driving at this time of night?", he wondered, "I'll be there in 10 then", you chatted off, ending the call.

Looking around your room, you found clothes that were both comfortable and presentable in case, with your usual luck, you were pulled over by the police and had to come out of your car.

Lando finally had some time off before the season began and he wanted to spend it with you. While you were usually able to fly out to most of the European races and even travel the long distance to other race tracks, this season you had more responsibilities to juggle between your internship, your studies and your family.

He arranged the pillows on the sofa and brought out your favourite snacks, getting his place ready while occupying the time until you rang his doorbell, walking up to the door so he could let you inside, "hey!", he greeted, excited to finally have you with him after weeks where you both had been busy.

"Hey", you said, nudging his hip slightly with yours as you went to the shoe cabinet, leaving your shoes there and putting on your slippers you kept at his house.

Following him silently to the living room, you watched him sit down as you took in the comfort his place made you feel.

"You're not okay", Lando stated, "I noticed when we were on the phone".

"So this is a pity visit?", you wondered, "That's why you called me over?", you grumbled, feeling the blush erupt on your cheeks along with a little annoyance.

"I never said that! I, I called you and then noticed you weren't okay! Scoot, scoot, I got a tray full of goodies for us to eat", Lando urged, pushing the blanket to the side so you could get in the warm cocoon he created with the soft fabric along with pillows in various shapes and sizes you had insisted he needed to make the place feel more home-y.

"Are you going to talk about what's on your mind or do you want to watch this new show in silence?", he wondered, pointing the remote at the TV.

"I don't want to talk about it, not now anyway", you grumbled, finding your perfect position as you laid against your bestfriend, his arm going around your shoulders as you snuggled your legs under the blanket.

The new show ended up involving a romantic couple which only heightened your feelings. Lately, it was all you could see. Everyone around you seemed to have something romantic going on and they were happy with it. One of your friends was even convinced that she would be proposed to within the next few months, and you were single. Soon enough after you entered these thoughts, they pulled you to questions like why won't people love me? why am I single? what is it that doesn't attract people to me? and the one that you had yet to find a proper answer to, the list becoming too long for your own good am I unlovable?

"Can we watch something else, please?", you asked after debating for a few minutes wether or not you should interrupt, "I'm sorry, but I'm not enjoying it that much", you mumbled.

"That's okay, Y/N, I'll just put on one of our reruns", he smiled, changing the streaming platform and looking for the square on the screen, "if you want to just lay here, that's fine, too", he encouraged.

"At least I'm not alone with my thoughts", you mumbled again, looking at the ceiling as Lando moved his neck to join you, "I'm not sure what you mean, but I'm here for you anyway", he squeezed your hand that found its way to his own.

"It's just, - I've been reflecting? I don't even know if that's the word, but I've been feeling lonely", you blurted, still unsure if you were voicing all of it.

Lando hummed, urging you to continue, "like, I'm craving to have somebody there for me, someone who I know is in my corner, who I feel totally comfortable with. My brother was telling me all about the stuffed bunny his girlfriend asked him to take care off! I want that with someone", you pouted.

Lando tensed, rearranging his position on the sofa to look at you softly as you kept looking at his white ceiling.

"Maybe I should be less opinionated, less vocal about what I think and feel", you mused.

You'd lose your essence, Lando thought as he heard you rant on and on about the traits you wanted to change about yourself.

"Changing something physical is harder, but maybe I can change that, right? Be a bit quieter with what I say, measure my opinions, say yes and agree with things more", you shrugged, shaking the whole thing off of your body, wanting to rid yourself of the thought, "I can't, I won't be able to do that, they'd notice it straight away", you sighed.

As the night went on, Lando quickly changing the subject, you spoke about anything that came to mind until you looked at your watch, "Fuck, it's so late, I have to go", you stood up quickly, bending to pick your slippers up from the floor when he stopped you, "stay in the guest bedroom for tonight. Sleep here", he tried.

"Is it because I said I was lonely? I was just venting it out, you don't need to worry about me being a loner", you tried your best to assure it.

"No, you muppet. I'm doing it because I don't like the idea of you having to drive all the way back at this time of night", he reasoned, getting up himself and walking with you to the guest bedroom.

"Is this still made from the last time I was here?", you wondered, looking at the sheets.

"I made it before you came here! And I've washed the sheets, thank you very much. You have a fresh bed to sleep on", he smiled charmingly.

"Thanks", you smiled back, grabbing the clothes you usually wore to sleep when you stayed over from the drawer, "those have been washed, too", he pointed, "if you need anything, I'm in my usual spot", he winked, "Good night, Y/N, sleep tight!".

"Thanks for this", you gestured, "Good night, Lando", you said before he saluted you playfully, closing the door behind him.

Using the ensuite for your night routine, you changed into the shorts and Lando's t-shirt, noticing that all of the washes had made it smell less of his cologne and more of the scented fabric softener he uses.

The t-shirt fit snug against your hips, embracing your curvy body as you got under the sheets, letting the weight of them lull you to sleep and slow down your thoughts.

.

Lando was driving to a restaurant he knew well enough. He had had a few dates there before, one team dinner and a few family birthdays too whenever they were in town.

But right now, he was picking you up. From a date that apparently wasn't going well since he got a text from you asking him to pick you up.

"Hey, gorgeous girl", he said once he opened the car window as he parked in front of the restaurant, thankful that it wasn't too busy and no one seemed to notice or care that he was there.

"Thanks for picking me up", you mumbled as you sat down, pulling on your seatbelt and nothing your bestfriend's gaze on you, silently questioning you.

"He was an asshole", you explained, "kept asking me if I was sure of what I was doing, if I knew any Formula One drivers - don't worry, didn't out anything - and then he just kept being rude to me, to the waiter, who was wonderful by the way".

"I didn't mean him. I don't care about him, I care about you", Lando said, driving back to his place, assuming you'd want to have someone close by that wouldn't ask too many questions.

"It was just another one where it didn't go well", you mumbled, letting your head rest on the window and looking out at the lights illuminating the city.

"Do you want to go to my place?", Lando asked, knowing you wouldn't want to be pushed about the subject, "yes, please", you said.

As soon as you got inside his place, you took your shoes off, walking up to the spare bedroom to leave your bag in there, "thank you for picking me up, you're the best, Lando", you smiled as you rested against the door frame.

"No worries, okay? Sleep tight, I have good plans for tomorrow so this will be out of your mind", he smiled a small one.

"Night night, Lando", you said back, closing the door behind you and letting the tears finally fall.

It was horrible. The way he treated other people should have been the first clue and red flag, but somehow it still surprised you how he conducted the whole date. You weren't expecting a prince or a gentleman, but you expected human decency and it turns out you were not afforded that. He kept leaving snarky comments about his exes. He was rude, sexist and definitely not your type, and after splitting the bill, you informed him that someone would come to pick you up.

Could someone be unlovable? Not worthy of love to the point where anyone they attracted to their presence just wasn't a match and they had to be content with the bare minimum?

Splashing some water on your face and wiping it with the towel, you took one good look in the mirror. It looks like it's going to be you for a while, so you might as well get used to it, Y/N.

.

When morning rolled around, Lando was the first to wake up, getting ready and heading to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the two of you. He wanted to make something special, because even though you had your tough shell on yesterday, he knew you were feeling it deeply and painfully.

This quest of yours was doing you more harm than good. And it wasn't helping him either. For a few years, Lando figured, he has loved you. At first, it wasn't a clear sentiment. You were best friends, obviously there was a deeper connection. But then it felt so much all the time, there was never a break for the butterflies on his stomach or for the jealous green eyed monster whenever you so much as mentioned anyone else. He wouldn't dare say it, but he's so glad your date last night sucked.

As he prepared your coffee, your footsteps approached, "Good morning", you croaked out. You looked like you hadn't slept well, which Lando figured was a given considering the heard you move a lot during the night.

"Good morning, I made this for you. The balcony had nice sunlight right now, I figured you'd enjoy breakfast there", he attempted, bringing a small smile to your lips as you thanked him for the mug, "I'll bring the rest shortly", he called.

As you looked out to the always busy streets, you took in their quickness and rush. How it was all fleeting and momentary.

Lando placed the tray on the table, arranging it so you both could reach everything.

"I heard you crying last night", he began, his fist clenched at the memory as he sat down.

"I'm fine", you shrugged.

"I don't think you are, and I don't want you to suffer, Y/N", he insisted, unusually bold considering he knew which territory he was stepping into.

"It's not easy to come to terms with the fact that I'm single and that it might look like that for a bit, and who even knows how long that 'bit' might actually be", you chuckled, looking at him expecting his understanding gaze but being face with furrowed brows instead along with a scoff. "What? It's not like I'm being unreasonable, I'm just stating the facts", you squinted.

"That's not how it works, and you know that Y/N", he sternly spoke, straightening his back and facing you completely.

It was your time to laugh and scoff a little, "unless something changes within me, I'm sure this is how I'll find myself in the foreseeable", you shock your head.

"All of those things you want to change about yourself? Or that you say you should change to make you more likeable and lovable? That's dimming your light and your spark", Lando bit back, having had enough of it, "if someone loved you after all of those changes, they wouldn't love you for who you are, they would love a fabricated version of you. You're not unlovable", he smiled at the irony of it all. How after all these years, he still hadn't plucked up the courage to tell you how he felt about you.

"How can you say that when you have everyone falling at your feet? Women see you and they're ready to have anything you'll give them! You don't have to change who you are because someone made you feel like you couldn't be loved because of who you are and what you do!", you bit back, sensing a tone in him that was unusual and certainly not comfortable.

“I just need to know who the fuck told you you don’t deserve to be loved, because I’m about to beat their asses up", Lando called, elbows supported on the chair's arms as he looked at you.

"No one's ever told me, I'm probably the one saying it to myself, the rest of the people just make me feel like I'm unlovable, so if you want to hit me, I would prefer you didn't, I bruise quite easily", you tried to joke, not wanting to let your mind wander to the parallel utopian reality where your bestfriend feels the same way about you.

"Then it's all the people that made you feel unloved", Lando said, "none of them deserved a second of your attention, but I can give them a second of mine just for that".

“That’s a lot of people you’re gonna have to beat up, then, and I’m not sure if I want to bail you out of jail for that. We can't all have full bank accounts like yours", you joked again, watching him as he kept on with the subject.

"Stop joking about this! I'm being serious with you, Y/N! You deserve all of the love in the world - and even that wouldn't be enough!", he got up.

“Please, I think we have both realised and reached the conclusion that maybe I’m just not meant to be loved", you added.

“That’s bullshit if I’ve heard of any! No one’s not meant to be loved. There’s someone out there for you, and I think I’ve made it clear that, if it’s really not anyone else, then that someone’s me”, he stopped in front of you. There it was. Out in the open for everyone to hear. His balcony was covered and closed, something he was grateful about as he confessed his love for you.

"You can't joke about this", it was your turn to mention it, getting up as he took your hand in his.

"I'm not, Y/N, I'm really not", he whispered, resting his forehead in yours.

"Kiss me", you pleaded. He was quick to comply to your request, hand cupping your cheek as he tasted the bitter coffee from your lips and felt you unravel to him in a way he didn't think was possible anymore.

"I have loved you for so long, Lando", you whispered once you pulled away for air, "and I couldn't imagine a world where anyone would love me back, let alone you", you admitted, looking into his beautiful orbs.

"You don't have to make any effort to imagine it anymore, baby. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. You're so loved and I'll be damned if I don't show you how much everyday of our lives", he smiled, kissing your lips again as your hands travelled to his messy curls.

[pedricos]

Alejandro Balde – all over your face .ᐟ

a.n: english is not my first language, sorry for any errors!

warning: suggsstive content, nothing real explicit.

summary: you planned a visit on your boyfriend's training, but you didn't planned leaving your lipstick all over his face!

you wasn't the type to wear too much makeup, but sure enough would reaply your lip gloss during the day, and your boyfriend, balde, were always pleased to see all the effort you put in your make up every now and then.

today, you decided to go simple, some cute lashes, little to no coverage, only under your dark circles and some pimples, a soft blush and your usual cherry red lip tint, with a glittery gloss on top. a cherry on top, you could say!

today, was also, the day you would make a surprise for you boyfriend. the whole weekend he asked for you to be present on his training, but you had so much things to catch up from school, and it wasn't a lie, but you did have a good part written down.

you just wanted to make a surprise, but for your surprise, balde didn't asked more than two or three times, and after you said you would try to make the effort he was already happy enough.

me | im gonna study now, okay? good day of training, mi vida, ¡te amo! <3 (i love you)

you pressed sent, and not long after you got a notification back.

ale ❤️ | okay, guapita! <33 ¡te amo más! (pretty, i love you more!)

and he didn't suspected a thing.

you smiled to youself and got out of the house, your uber already waiting outside. it wasn't a long ride, but the anticipation and anxiety to see your boyfriend made it seems like hours sitting on the back passenger seat.

you got dropped outside of the gate of the training camp, making you way inside like how you used sneak out of the house to meet your boyfriend, trying to not catch any desnecessary attention. you said ‘good morning’ to the guards and quietly made your way to the reserved area of the benchs for family.

they were already running laps. running around in circles, some playing 2x2, others on a water break, but one person noticed your presence; yamal. you raised your index finger, making mention so he doesn't tell balde, who's back was facing you, that you're there. he winked back, ignoring of presence.

and after scrolling on your phone a few minutes, everyone got to have a break. “que passas, hermanito?” yamal pat alejandro’s back, jogging to walk side by side with his teammate, “i just miss y/n, she's been busy with school lately” he shrugs his shoulders, trying to be nonchalant about it. (what's up, brother)

“do you mean this y/n?” lamine points at you sitting alone in the middle of the benches making alejandro finally look at your direction, mouth forming the biggest smile you've ever seen, his eyes sparkling and you wave to your boyfriend.

he jumps the fence that divided the grass and the benches, running to you, as you did the same, meeting halfway in a tight hug. his nose directly in your neck, smelling your sweet fragrance and making you giggle as it tickles. “mi amor!” his voice so full of joy of seeing you, “guapito!” you kiss his cheeks. (my love, pretty boy)

“you look so pretty today, amor!” his hands held your face, his thumb caressing your cheek, trying to not mess up your make up, “only today?” you pout, faking a sad expression, “you are pretty, y/n, always!” he snuggles again in your neck.

“im out!” yamal yells, waking up to the middle of cubarsí, hector and pedri, fading into the middle of his teammates, you and balde could only laugh at the younger boy.

“i thought you had other plans..” he said against yout neck. his biceps are almost ripping the shirt apart, his hands on your waist making him flex his muscles just enough so you could reach and squeeze it, “cómo podría? i wouldn't miss your training day”. (how could i)

oh young love. adrenaline of love rushing through your veins. your boyfriend's sweat ceasing dropping down his neck and forehead, his hands massaging your waist involuntarily, his arms so strong on the black t-shirt.. he looked so good today.

“i got plenty of time on this break.. wanna sneak out?” he comes closer to your ear, stoping next to your earlobe. he didn't needed to whisper, but he did anyway, “para hacer qué?” your innocence doesn't amuse him, he knows you know. (to do what)

and not even five minutes later there you were.

in the middle of brooms and mops, a single square feet room with no lights on, with buckets and cleaning suplies, sucking on your boyfriend's tongue.

one of his hands gripping your waist while the other held the back of your neck, commanding the kiss pace. and you're not the one to disobey him.

your hands found their way in the middle of his locks, pulling it so deliciously, making him groan against your mouth. he sure was very passionate about his hair, but he was no one in this world to not let you make him float in the sensation.

“ale.. alejandro! the training!” you distance your mouths from your boyfriend's, a strand of saliva still connecting both of you, “shh, you worry too much” he waste no time to connect your mouth in a kiss once again, sucking on your tongue and taking every word of your mind.

“no! flick's going to get mad at you!” you push him away, almost tripping on a broom in the dark of the room, not really wanting to stop the moment, but you knew he was gonna get in trouble later, “go, go! don't just keep standing there looking at me, bobo!”. (fool)

“you go first.. i have a little trouble down there..” you got the message.

you opened the door so slightly, checking left and right before coming out of the door in the middle of the hallway, making your way straight to the restroom.

the first thing you saw in the bathroom mirror was just your face, cherry red lipstick completely smudged all over your lips, like a kid just tried to do your make up. thank god you had wet wipers on you, or else, you'd be walking around looking like a clown!

and while you're cleaning youself, in the other side of the camp, balde is walking around completely unware of his lips completely red and glossy. he knew it would be a little smudged in his face too, but he just turned it completely into a stain when trying to clean himself

“so that's what you're doing on your ‘water breaks’, uh?” gavi teases him, bumping shoulders with alejandro, “de qué estás hablando?” he pushes the younger away, getting mad at his teammates laugh. (what are you talking about)

“no me digas, you're wearing lipstick now?” ferran laughed, pointing at balde’s lips and surroundings, visibly stained with your trademark on him, “what? no!” it took him long enough to realize. (don't tell me)

and while he tried to scape from his teammates teasings, there you were, appearing again on the benches, reapplying your lipstick.

requests are open!! bye bye, hope you like it 💋

check out my masterlist .ᐟ

initially this would be about cubarsí, but i have been brainrotting balde soo, there ya go!

[otherone12]

could you write a ray toro x film nerd! reader? i just found out that ray went to film school and i think him meeting a girl there would be so cute. thanks!

Director's Cut

Ray Toro x Film Nerd!Reader

-> Masterlist

A/N: Heyy! I'm back!! And here it is! (I was today years old when i found out he went to film school lol). So, first of all, I'm so so so so sorry for taking that long to write it (and for vanish for almost a month). Well, hope u like it! <3 (If it turned out too different from what you imagined, let me know and I'll try to fix it :) )

Summary: You were working on a horror movie side project, and you needed help to make it happen, so you finally found someone who really understands the subject and is willing to help you. Maybe this time working together has turned this partnership into something more. (this is realy cliché, 'cause i think it suits him)

- Word Count: 2.020

- Warnings: None :)

- Ps: I'll not use y/n…-

Ps2: I'm brazilian, so english is not my first language... sorry if i wrote something wrong.

___________________________________________

1st Person POV (reader)

I've finally finished writing my script. Months of hard work have resulted in the start of an even bigger project. This horror movie could open so many doors for my career, it could be the first step towards a future award for “Best Original Screenplay” or “Best Direction”. My only problem here was finding volunteers to help me develop it, I needed someone who understood it and was really willing to be part of it.

Of course, in a Film School it was supposed to be easy to find committed people, even if horror isn't the most popular genre in cinema. Unfortunately, most people around here are more fans of the classics or romantic comedies, so I wasn't surprised when I got the first five “no thanks, I'm not really into horror” or “sorry, I'm too busy with another project”. 

Even so, I was determined to find a cast and someone with a critical eye who could help me evaluate aspects of the movie. I soon found the perfect 'final girl' and killer for the movie, a couple who liked special effects, and who would also help with the fake blood and make-up. Now all I needed was someone to help me record and give me more ideas on how to improve the scenes. 

As the days went by, I stopped asking random people and started thinking about who might really want to help me, someone who might have shown some sign of liking this kind of movie. Then there was a guy with curly hair and a band T-shirt... he was sitting alone on a bench outside the building, and I immediately remembered a presentation he'd done about classic horror movies. I make my way to him. 

- Hey! Ray, right?

- Hi! Yeah… - He greeted me with a kind smile, which turned into a confused gaze - I know you?

- Not yet… - I give him a sheepish smile, introducing me to him - But I wanted to ask you if you’re interested in helping me make a horror movie…

- Me? Why? - he chuckled, placing his hand on his chest. 

- I saw you presenting a study about classic horror movies… - I nodded - Then I thought you would… y’know, like to help me?

Ray chuckled, setting his notebook down beside him. 

- I mean, I do love horror, but I’ve never really worked on a film before. Are you sure I wouldn’t mess it up?

- You wouldn’t,- I said quickly, shaking my head. - Honestly, I’m not looking for perfection... I just need someone who understands what makes a good horror movie. And from what I saw, you get it.

For a moment, he hesitated, glancing at his notebook as if considering how much time he had to spare. Then, his lips curved into an easy smile. 

- Okay, I’ll help. But only if you promise to let me nerd out about soundtracks and creepy camera angles.

- Deal.

*** Time Skip ***

Finally the day we will start working on it, I still have about an hour before people start to arrive. Well, that was what I thought. But I heard the bell ring and made my way to the door. 

Without hesitation, I opened the door, and came face to face with Ray, standing on the porch, a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He looked excited, though there was a flicker of uncertainty in his gaze.

- Hey - he said, scratching the back of his neck. - I know I’m early, but I was just… really excited, and, uh, got carried away.

As he stepped into the house, Ray set his bag down and pulled out a small camera. 

- Well, lucky for you, I brought reinforcements. Thought we could go over some shots before everyone gets here. Maybe figure out how to make that first big scare really hit.

- You’re already earning your keep. - I couldn’t help but grin.

We tinkered with the camera for a while, testing angles and figuring out which corners of the room could create the right mix of tension and unease. Ray adjusted the tripod while I fiddled with the lights, trying to find a balance between erie and amateur-friendly.

- This would be a lot easier if we had proper equipment, - Joking, I stepped back to survey the setup.

- Yeah, but where’s the fun in that? - Ray said with a grin. He crouched down to adjust the focus, peering into the lens like it held the secrets of the universe. - Honestly, sometimes the DIY approach makes horror feel more authentic. Look at “The Blair Witch Project”... low budget, shaky cam, and it scared the hell out of everyone.

- True, - I said, nodding. - That was genius. The way they left so much up to your imagination... it’s like your own mind was the monster.

As the conversation flowed, we kept thinking about how to shoot the scenes, talking about references we could use. I don’t know, but it seems like we have known each other for years. 

Back to the script, we read and reread, looking for some way to improve everything that was needed.

- Damn, your script is really good! -His eyes moved from the paper to my eyes, locking onto them, and I blushed.

- Thanks… - Smiling, I looked down, then at him again - It needs some adjustments here and there-

- Nothing is perfect. - He cut me off, kindness in his voice - But this…. this is really close.

Nothing came to my mind to say, but the silence wasn't awkward. We looked at each other for one more second that we were supposed to, and it felt… right, i guess.

- So… Do you have a favorite director? - Ray broked the silence, shaking his head - Or are you more of a ‘just the movie’ kind of person?

 - Well… - I said finally, after a moment of hesitation, a smile tugging at my lips. - I have to say Stanley Kubrick 

- No way! Really? - Ray’s eyes lit up.

- Yeah, - I said, warming to the subject. - He was a genius. The way he built the atmosphere, the attention to detail… The Shining is one of my all-time favorites.

- Don’t even get me started on The Shining,-  Ray said, stepping closer. - That movie is a masterpiece. The symmetry, the slow zooms, the music… Everything about it is unsettling. And Jack Nicholson? Perfect casting.

- Totally,-  I said, leaning forward slightly. 

Our conversation was cut short by the sound of the door opening. The actors had arrived, and it was time to get serious.

Ray straightened up, his playful energy shifting into focus as he greeted the group. 

We guided the cast through their lines, tweaking dialogue and delivery where needed. Ray jumped in with creative ideas for blocking and movement, and his knack for detail made everything come together perfectly. By the time the read-through ended, the script felt alive, like the beginnings of something truly special. As the group packed up to leave, Ray caught my eye and smiled. 

- This was awesome… I can't wait to start to record this!  

- Me neither - I said, returning the smile, my heart swelling with a mix of pride and something I couldn’t quite name.

1st Person POV (Ray)

As we started recording, I thought it might be a bit strange to work so closely with someone I'd only just met, but she had this way of making everything seem natural, as if we'd known each other for a long time.  The way she manages to break up the seriousness of the harrowing scenes with some cheeky joke after she stops recording is just incredible, and her stern comments during the shoot, in search of perfection, mean that I can't take my eyes off her.

She was relentless in her passion for the project, which was contagious. It made me want to put my all into it, even if I had no idea what I was doing half the time.

We'd meet in her apartment or sometimes at the school, surrounded by piles of props, script drafts, and empty coffee cups. Each session started with a plan but almost always spiraled into creative chaos. We'd throw around wild ideas, argue over camera angles, or laugh too hard when something went hilariously wrong.

She was always one step ahead... determined, focused and with ideas so vivid they made my head spin. But there were also the quiet moments, the ones that caught me off guard. Like when she chewed on the end of her pen while thinking, with her eyebrows furrowed in that concentrated way she had. Or when she let out a small, triumphant laugh after finding a solution to a complicated scene.

Here we were again, getting ready to shoot the last scenes, her cheek smeared with fake blood, while the light from the set illuminated her face perfectly. Her hair was completely messed up by the wind, while she talked about the angles of the shots. Shit, she was talking to me. 

- Ray? Hello? Are you really listening? - She snapped her fingers, making a noise.

- Uh, yeah, yeah… that’s perfect. Totally important, - I said, scratching the back of my neck. Smooth, Ray. Real smooth.

- Okay, dude. What’s on your mind? - She rolled her eyes, and I felt the heat creeping on my neck. 

- N-nothing… - Yeah, nothing, just the only thing that is on my mind in the last few days. Her.

- Right. If you say so. - She narrowed her eyes at me, suspicious but amused.

She turned back to the camera, and I got lost in my mind again. It wasn’t just the way she looked... it was the way she was. Smart, funny, endlessly creative, and kind in ways that felt effortless. I realized I didn’t just admire her, I wanted to know her, every version of her, inside and out.

And it scared me.

1st Person POV (reader)

After almost a year of work, including writing, rehearsing, recording and editing, it was finally ready. So Ray, I and the lead couple arranged to see how it turned out here at home. I prepared everything, bought some popcorn and other snacks so that we could have a real movie night. I was practically jumping up and down with excitement when I heard the doorbell. It was Ray.

- Hey! - He said with a huge smile on his face - So, today is the day!

- Yeah! I’m freaking out! - I said pulling him into a hug.

- Me too… but I know it will be incredible - His arms around me felt right as always, and his gentle tone made me melt on him, even if I was bubbling with excitement - I mean, you did it, right? How can it not be?

- I couldn’t do this without your help… - I blushed, pulling back just enough to look at him - Thank you. I didn’t realize how close we were until I felt his forehead pressed against mine, and his breath on my face.

- No… Thank you. - He said softly, getting even closer.

Before I could say any more thing, I felt his lips touch mine, my hands moved to coop his face, as his hands placed on my hips. The warmth of his kiss was exactly what I expected, it was caring, soft, perfect. I could feel the way he wanted that as much as I, and when we pulled apart, both of us couldn't stop looking at each other with a goofy grin. Apparently, during this whole project we didn’t create just a movie, we created something bigger. At that moment, we knew that it was the start of something awesome.

___________________________________________

~ Sooo that's it! Lemme know if you liked!

(Also I'm going to start posting more often again! Probably at least one fic a week!)

[neonmeron]

木曜日　2023/10/12

こんにちはみんなさん！

みんなは元気？私はまあまあ。木曜日はあまり好きじゃない。:/

今日のトピック：や、～なければいけません、midterm review

So this past 金曜日 was the midterm. It wasn't that bad and we already got our scores but I wanted to go over our midterm review sheet.

I have a challenge for you! I want you to write down what you think the answer is based on my previous posts. There are one or two grammar points I don't think I've gone over with you, so I'll do that now.

The final grammar points i need to cover are や And ～なければいけない／なきゃいけない

Let's start with や!

や connects two nouns like と except や suggests that the things referred to are proposed as examples and that you are not exciting an exhaustive list. It's similar in the way that たり is used. 練習しましょう。

 AやB (A and B, for example)

東京や大阪に行った。I went to tokyo and osaka (and may have visited other places)

おにぎりやラーメンを食べた。I ate onigiri and ramen. (and may have eaten other things)

Honestly there's not much else to it. It's really straightforward!

Next is ～なければいけない／なきゃいけない

This is used to say when something has to/must be done. ねければ is the more formal version and its more often seen in the written language while なきゃいけない is more colloquial and mainly found in the spoken language. To conjugate, you need your verb in the present negative form. For example:

勉強する＞勉強しない＞勉強しなきゃいけない

作る＞作らない＞作らなければいけない

歌う＞歌わない＞歌わなきゃいけない。

待つ＞待たない＞待たなければいけない

食べる＞食べない＞食べなきゃいけない

Let's do some practice sentences!

火曜日に日本語の試験（しけん）があるので、たくさん勉強しなければいけません／いけない。Because I have a japanese exam on tuesday, i must study a lot.

もうすぐ母は家に帰るので、車を洗わなきゃいけません。Because my mom is returning home soon, i have to wash the car.

食べすぎたので運動しなければいけません。Because I ate too much,  I must exercise.

今、私の双子はフランスに住んでいるので、手紙（てがみ）を送らなきゃいけません。Because my twin is living in France right now, I must send letters.

熱があって、喉（のど）が痛（いた）いので、薬を飲まなければいけません。Because I have a fever and my throat hurts, I must take medicine.

And that's about it! Congratulations reader, you got through (almost) all the genki lessons!! Here's to another successful semester. 頑張れる！！

Let's move on to the midterm review. Do you have your pencil and paper ready? (bonus points if you write the kanji)

Our midterm review was in the format of a story. 始めましょう

You are an exchange student in tokyo. You are on your way back to Tokyo from a one day trip to Oze. The train stopped half way for a while due to a minor road accident. You get bored, so you start talking to a woman/man sitting next to you. The person asks you “where are you from?” how would you say this in japanese?

出身（しゅっしん）��どこですか。

Ask the person has ever been to foreign countries

外国（がいこく）に行ったことがありますか。

The person commented that your Japanese is very good. Be humble like Japanese people and say “No, no. I have to study more”

いいえいいえ。もっと勉強（べんきょう）しなければいけません。／勉強しなきゃいけません。

Go on to say “i want to become better at japanese”

日本語がもっと上手（じょうず）になりたいです。

The train finally starts moving. You ask the person where they are going now. The person says, “I wanted to buy clothes. I'm going home now.”

ふくを買いたかったんです。でも、今から家に帰ります。

The person continues to say, “I need to cook tonight because my mother is sick.”

母がかぜをひいているので、今晩（ばん）料理（りょうり）しなければいけません。／しなきゃいけません。

You ask the person if his/her mother is all right. The person tells you, “she caught a cold and has a fever. But she is okay.”

かぜをひいて、ねつがあるんです。でも大丈夫ですよ。

The person goes on to say, “but she’d better not work today. She should sleep a lot.”

今日は働かないほうがいいですね。たくさん／よく寝たほうがいいですよ。

I wrote down たくさん while my teacher wrote よく and i was a little confused but i think you can use either.

You ask the person what dish you are good at making. The person answers i often make curry rice, pork cutlet, tempura, and so on

よくカレーライスやとんかやてんぷらを作ります。

The person asks you if you cook a lot. Tell the person that “I want to cook more but I am too busy.”

もっと料理したいですが、いそがしすぎます。／いそがしすぎるんです。

The person tells you that they have to do an English homework assignment. You ask the person what they do in class. she/he says, “we read english books, write essays, listen to the news, and so on.”

私たちは英語の本を読みたり、作文（さくぶん）を書いたり、ニュースを聞いたりします。

You ask the person if they practice speaking as well. The person says, “I took the conversation class for a month but I quit.”

一ヶ月間（いっかげつかん）、会話のじゅぎょうをとりました。でもやめました。／とりましたが、やめました。

The person says, “the teacher's english was too fact! But I am interested in English conversation.”

先生の英語は早すぎたんです。／早すぎました。でも、英語の会話にきょうみがあります。

（（に）きょうみがあります＝to have an interest in)

You offer some help. You tell the person that you can be his/her English conversation partner. You both decide to tutor English and Japanese to each other. You get off the train in a happy mood. 

The next day your advisor at school tells you that you looked very happy. Yell your advisor with a lot of excitement, “i met a fantastic woman/man on the train yesterday!! We will practice English and japanese!!” (hint- use んです）

昨日、電車ですてき��女の人／男の人に会ったんです！私たち／いっしょに英語と日本語をれんしゅうするんです。

How’d you do? Comment how much you got! I'd love to see your scores. If You didn't get them, no sweat! A lot of my answers were different from what my teacher wrote..

I want to apologize if these lessons feel rushed. I'm trying to not make them feel that way.

じゃあ、皆さん、お疲れ様！！

今日の歌は&TEAM - UNDER THE SKINです。

Notice any errors? Lmk!! I always want to fix my mistakes so I can learn better. ありがとう！

[superlinguo]

Linguistics Jobs: Interview with an Online Linguistics Teacher

Today’s interview is with Colin Gorrie, an independent business owner who teaches and creates linguistics courses available online to the public. Colin’s story is a great example of how one can design their own job using linguistics and adjacent skills. Colin’s interview also gives solid advice on how to try to prepare for the uncertain future, having first graduated in 2008 and built his business during the COVID-19 pandemic. 

You can follow Colin on Twitter (@colingorrie) or check out his website. 

What did you study at university?

I did my undergraduate work in linguistics at the University of Toronto, followed by a Ph.D. at the University of Arizona. Since I specialized in linguistics right from the start, I had the opportunity to take lots of advanced courses while I was still in my third or fourth year of undergrad. In my undergrad, I was convinced I'd end up studying syntax. Then, when I got to grad school, I ended up getting just as interested in phonology and morphology. I ended up using all three fields in my dissertation research, where I looked at some very "meta" issues in how typological evidence informs linguistic theory.

What is your job? 

I run a business teaching linguistics and related subjects (e.g., conlanging and Old English) online to the general public. My focus so far has been finding ways to introduce linguistics to people who haven't had much exposure to the subject, in the guise of classes on conlanging, language learning, and language and thought. As the business grows, I hope to add more advanced courses so that people can go beyond the basics. The ultimate dream is to provide a path where anyone can learn enough linguistics to be able to read the research literature and keep learning on their own over a lifetime. I don't have a particularly fancy title, since I'd have to give one to myself, and I don't think I have the chutzpah to do so! From day to day, teaching is of course an important part of what I do. But, compared to all the other aspects of running a business, the time I spend teaching makes up a relatively small portion of my week. The rest is made up of things like marketing, bookkeeping, administrative work, and product development (which includes creating new courses). How does your linguistics training help you in your job? My linguistics training is crucial to this work since it's the subject I'm teaching. But just as important is the experience I've picked up working in the tech industry. Whether your product is a software-as-a-service platform or a phonology course, you need to understand how to gauge demand, how to present the case for purchasing it, and how to allocate resources effectively to developing and delivering it. What was the transition from university to work like for you? The transition from academia to the working world was relatively harmonious for me. Knowing that my prospects were likely brighter outside of academia, I started teaching myself how to code while I was writing my dissertation. With the skills I picked up that way, I was able to find my first job analysing data at a startup within a year of graduating. I then went on to work as a software developer in a more mature company. During that phase, my opportunities to use linguistics directly were very few. However, the data analysis and coding skills I learned while in grad school were crucial. Finally, since I have an entrepreneurial spirit, I struck out on my own and launched a business doing custom software development. I did miss linguistics a great deal, though. So, as the pandemic hit, I decided I would dip my feet back into the world of linguistics part-time and developed a conlanging course for the general public. It ended up selling out, so I did it again – and that ended up selling out too. Once I realized that there was a public hunger to learn more about linguistics, I developed and ran more and more courses, to the point where the teaching business now consumes more of my time than the software business.

Do you have any advice do you wish someone had given to you about linguistics/careers/university?

I wish I had known just how many things are possible! I graduated with my undergrad degree in the inauspicious year of 2008. If you had told me that, by 2021, I'd be making a living (in part, at least) by teaching linguistics online, I'd have been suspicious. Just because something hasn't yet been done doesn't mean it can't be done. The world already looks so different than it did then. We don't know how things will change in the future. That said, you can help to make yourself "future-proof" by investing in skills that come in handy in a variety of settings: things like the ability to communicate effectively, technical proficiency, time management skills, and just plain old perseverance. I like to think it's no accident that all of these things can be trained by studying linguistics, especially at an advanced level: if you can teach a class, write a script to analyse experimental data, and navigate through all the requirements it takes to graduate, you'll likely have what it takes to succeed in a variety of situations. So don't fear too much how the market will treat you for studying linguistics. Any other thoughts or comments?

One of the best things about studying language is that so many people are interested in it in some way. We are given the raw material of public interest and it presents us with a great opportunity, but also a challenge: Can linguists engage the public more? Can we bring what we have learned about language out of the ivory tower? The more linguists who find their way into other jobs the more we'll be able to spread the word.

Related interviews:

Interview with an Internet Linguist

Interview with a School Linguist

Interview with an English Foreign Language Teacher

Recent interviews:

Interview with an Academic Linguist

Interview with a TV Writer

Interview with a Senior Analyst, Strategic Insights & Analytics

Interview with a Social Media Lead

Interview with a CEO of a SaaS company

Interview with a Communications and Engagement Assistant

Resources:

The full Linguist Jobs Interview List

The Linguist Jobs tag for the most recent interviews

The Linguistics Jobs slide deck (overview, resources and activities)

The Linguistics Jobs Interview series is edited by Martha Tsutsui Billins. Martha is a linguist whose research focuses on the Ryukyuan language Amami Oshima, specifically honourifics and politeness strategies in the context of language endangerment. Martha runs Field Notes, a podcast about linguistic fieldwork. 

[rrazor]

hq boys as non-sexual things that feel sensual

tags: mildly suggestive content (mostly pining)

bokuto: certain phrases are very sexually charged; “make me,” or “what are you gonna do about it” lunch time!! bokuto comes back from the cafeteria with his pork-cutlet sandwich to see you engaged in a card game with three other people. He sees that everyone’s bet something and you bet a strawberry danish you bought this morning and bokuto’s eyes go 🤩 he forces himself in LMFAO and makes sure to sit next to you 🥰❤️ in the end, it’s only you and him left (konoha and komi come over from their classes to see what all the fuss is about and they’re like …..how is bokuto doing so well 😶)

but you win and steal his sandwich on the desk 😈 he tries to defame you for cheating lol but all you do is look at him coyly like “and what are you gonna do about it, bokuto-kun? 😇” and suddenly his tongue feels heavy and his cheeks flush and he’s all 🥺👉👈 he asks you for the bread back because its his only lunch 😭💀 but he ends up winning sm more because you offer to share your bento with him and his heart goes 🥰💖💞

akaashi: sitting next to someone and your shoulders/thighs touch it’s the sports festival!! and it’s lunch break. he spots you sitting on a bench and he starts sweating at the idea of sitting next to you but he wants to be near you somewhat because then MAYBE you’ll talk to him??!? hopefully 🥺💔

he swallows his nerves and sits on the bench too but on the other side with a huge gap between you and your friend. he pulls out his phone to look “busy” LMFAO then, more of your friends come over and suddenly, you’re snug against him, your BARE THIGH touching his because you’re both in shorts and akaashi thinks he gonna pass out with the bashful apology you give him 😵 he thanks every deity he can think of that your friends came over and STAY because your leg is still touching his and he’s holding a conversation with you 😭🥺🥳💕💖❤️😍

konoha: having someone use your keyboard standing up while you’re sitting in front of it you’re in one of the school’s computer labs working on a research essay. akinori sits next to your station, having worked up the courage earlier to ask you if you could help him with his. he sneaks glances at you at the printers as you refill the trays with more paper 👀 he blushes even though you aren’t even doing anything to him 😭😔💔

before he can stop himself, he calls your name lmfao 🗣 but manages to save himself from utter embarrassment by asking you to look over one of his passages. coming over, you lean over him, hands on his keyboard as he leans back. his eyes are wide and cheeks ruddy as he tries so hard to keep cool because you’re so close 😍🥺💕 and god does he hope what he wrote was coherent because he thinks he’d d-word if you said it made no sense 😓😵

kuroo: when you’re sitting next to someone and they lean over and reach across you to grab something another day, another group project. kuroo gets added to a group with you and another guy because he was absent for volleyball. the two of you push your desks next to him and he’s fist pumping internally because you’re sitting next to HIM and not the other guy and he gets to act as the barrier AHAHAH 😇🥳😛

you’re working together when you ask one of your friends to pass over the notes she took from you. she’s sitting in front of kuroo, but diagonally to the right so she leans back and you lean forward to grab the papers. your arm accidentally brushes his chest and kuroo short circuits 😶 you’re SO CLOSE and your body is nearly laid over his entire desk and if he moves his hands up he could probably touch your chest HJAKHSDLKASD 👁👄👁 the guy next to him looks at him all 😐 as kuroo goes INSANE 🤯

kita: hugging from behind he’s home alone, studying in the living room for his university exams. you’re in the kitchen with his grandma helping her with tonight’s dinner. he smiles softly to himself hearing the two of you laugh 😊🥰💞

he’s halfway through a derivatives question when you hug him from behind, arms coming around him as you rest your head on his shoulder blades 🥺💘 when you softly tell him dinner is almost ready, his chest warms and a soft smile appears on his face ❤️💖

atsumu: the guys strapping you in on a roller coaster. are we gonna kiss? why are you giving me that eye contact? inarizaki’s vbc get together to go to the local amusement park!! they get in and the first thing the twins want to do is ride all of the roller coasters so after a ridiculously long line up, atsumu’s sitting next to osamu, waiting for an attendant to come buckle them in, when you suddenly come up in your cute uniform and hair tied up and atsumu’s like SHIT ITS YOU 😳 also damn y didn’t you tell him you worked here he could have gotten discounted tickets smh 🥴😒

anyways you come up to them to buckle them up with him first and he doesn’t really notice anything but you buckle the first strap really tight and he’s like “does it need to be so tight 😘” and you tell him, making eye contact, using your best customer service voice (vocal bottoming but at least you get paid) and with a pretty smile on your face that doesn’t reach your eyes, “yes, unless you want to die. and if you do, don’t do it on this ride because my shift ends in ten minutes and i don’t want to stay here to write a report about a dumbass who ko’d on a roller coaster 🥰” and he BLUSHES oop— 👁👅👁

osamu: having your back scratched you sit next to each other in class and it’s self study time and you’re helping him with the english homework that was assigned when his back starts feeling itchy. he rolls and moves his shoulders to try to alleviate it, but it just isn’t working so he brings a hand back to scratch at it, but he’s not flexible enough to reach it 😔 you ask him what’s wrong and he puts his arm down like he got burned because he doesn’t want to be seen doing something weird in front of you or making a weird face so he just says nothing but you raise a brow and go “are you itchy?” and he nods JAJCKKAD

you bring your arm up to where he was just scratching, “here?” a shake of his head, “no, a little to the right.” AND YOU SCRATCH RIGHT AT IT!!!!! he can feel his shoulders slump as he closes his eyes and groans a little WHOOP he’s SUPER EMBARRASSED but you just laugh it off and scratch him some more before going back to work and he looks at you like 🥺💖 why’d you stop?? even though you’re not even looking at him LOL 😞 touches his back that night in the shower like your hands were so small 😯😍😳 and maybe he should be itchy more often but it also quickly turns to she better not be touchy feely with anyone else 😒

suna: someone writing on your arm he’s forced to take this one evening class this semester because it’s not offered the next one and he needs to take it because it’s a prereq for almost every other course ugh but at least the cute girl who sits next to him lets him copy her notes LMFAO 😭💀 he left all his belongings in the gym’s lockers because he was going to go back anyways for practice so when the professor gives out a code for a free trial of the software they have to use for the homework assignment due in a week, he’s like shit; he left his phone in his bag 🤡💔

you offer to write it down on his arm, grabbing a pen from your pencil case. he nods like sure why not so you take his arm and push the sleeve of his hoodie up and start writing and he just stares at you 👀 your writing is cute and he kinda likes the feel of your hands on him 🤧 class ends and you part ways with a wave. It’s not until he’s reached the gym that he realized you could have just messaged the code to him on facebook 🤨 so he pushes his sleeve up and sees your phone number on his arm under the code 😘 aren’t you smooth!!! 😌

iwaizumi: when someone is putting the car in reverse and they put their hand on the back of your seat iwaizumi been interested in you for a while, and ever since he came to the revelation he finds it really hard to talk to you because he’s afraid of coming off too aggressive or you figuring it out 😔💔 good thing kindaichi reveals that you’re his older cousin and that you’ll be driving some of them to their next practice match because the volleyball team’s bus is out for a checkup!! 😍😘 oikawa, matsukawa and hanamaki all force him to sit shotgun as you drive (even kunimi and yahaba get in on it). iwaizumi grumbles about it and all but he’s secretly super happy he gets to be right next to you omg 👀😭 he takes a bunch of glances around the interior of your (parents’) car and sits a little straighter than he usually would.

he can feel the stares on the back of his head from the other third years egging him on to make a move and just when he works up the nerve to say something to you, you put the car in reverse to back out the parking spot and put your hand on the back of his seat 😳😤 iwaizumi thinks you look so cool AND HOT he clams up and just stares at you with his jaw slightly open 👁👄👁 💕pls save him 🤧

matsukawa: when a girl puts her hand up to yours and remarks on how yours is so much bigger you got randomly paired up with each other to do a presentation for your world history class and so you’re sitting next to each other on a saturday afternoon at the public library doing research together. matsukawa spent more time than he would like thinking about what to wear because he doesn’t want you to think that his fashion sense was as grotesque as the school’s khaki pants 😷🤢 (when you complimented him nonchalantly about how he looks a million times better in casual clothes compared to the school uniform and joking said that he should start a petition to get rid of the school’s ugly khaki plaid pants and skirts and use a photo of what he was wearing today as the main piece of evidence, he almost doubles over 💀)

you’re sitting next to each other and he’s still kinda reeling from the previous interaction ahjdalhd but he does his best to pull his weight. he’s taking notes in a notebook and you look over and comment out of the blue that his hands are really big as you look at yours 🤧👀 he blinks and looks at you like “yeah?” and you nod, putting your hand up and he does it too because he thinks he’s having a fever dream at this point, but not even in his wildest dream did he’’d ever think you’d push your palm against his and say “your hand is so big! 😳” he has to excuse himself to go to the washroom to scream 😘🥰❤️

hanamaki: when you’re sitting next to someone on public transport and the centrifugal force from the vehicle firmly mooshes the two of you together hanamaki pines for you silently and you can’t really tell he likes you because he’s pretty decent at keeping his emotions hidden. or maybe you’re just so busy with your senior year you don’t notice anything that isn’t the impending doom of university applications and keeping your grades up 😤😇 anyways the two of you get on and off at the same stop each day (which he secretly thanks god for 😭) and you’re sitting next to each other and hanamaki thinks he’s gonna combust because you’ve never been this close!! 🥺🥰

he can feel his hands getting sweaty already. hanamaki sneaks glances at you and tries to see what you’re doing on your phone LMFAO suddenly, the train lurches a bit and you slide from the inertia right into his side and then he can feel the warmth coming from your thighs, side and your shoulder are touching holy sh— 😭❤️😵👀💖 you look up to apologize as he takes a breath and you’re a little shy in your apology but he takes that chance to ask you about something mundane and he makes you laugh!!!! he thinks about the interaction for the next two weeks because he finally got to talk to you dhaskld ☺️🥺💕

kyoutani: when anyone raises their arms to stretch and their shirt gets lifted up slightly gym class—you’re doing timed runs today!! kyoutani is already finished with his so he’s just sitting off the side of the track, staring not-so-subtly at you but you don’t notice because it’s your turn next!! you’ve got the typical school mandated shorts and plain t-shirt on but kyou is all 👀 at your tastefully exposed skin. he thinks you look pretty with the sun hitting your face as you give a smile to your friend, squinting at the sun light 🥰

he’s just mindlessly staring at this point but then you raise your arms to stretch your triceps and the hem of your shirt rises up a little to expose the tiniest sliver of skin before it’s covered again 👁👁 his cheeks pink a little and you catch him looking LMFAO but you don’t think anything of it and just smile and wave as kyoutani burns bright red, heart battering against his ribs and looks away 😡🤡🥰💕 he saves it for future reference HURDURDUR 😇😛

ushijima: when a woman does that thing where she tucks her hair behind her ear while making direct eye contact ushijima is INTERESTED in you, likes you, is intrigued, would like to hold your hand and rub the back of your hand and feel the soft skin with his thumb—same thing 🥰 you’re talking to him about something for the cultural festival and he’s nodding along to what you’re saying because you’re so brilliant and responsible for working on the school festival committee wOW 🤩

time seems to move in slow motion as you look up him whilst tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. he zones in on the shy smile on your face, your cute cheeks, glossy lips and pretty eyes 🥺🥰 “ushijima-san?” “yes?” “what do you think?” “that’s a great idea, I will ask my team members for their input as well.” you nod exuberantly even though he has no idea what you’re talking about but your cute smile makes him all mushy on the inside 💖💕

semi: making eye contact with another customer at the grocery store around the same age it’s 2:11pm on a tuesday and semi’s at the grocery store because it’s summer and his mom was all “go to the store and buy these shimeji mushrooms for me, eita, they’re on sale!!! but only until 3pm so get skedaddling!” 😩 so he’s here and he swears housewives are the most powerful people on the planet because he thought he was gonna d-word just tryna get his discount mushrooms. he spots you in the condiments aisle looking at sesame oil and he gives you the up, down and lingers a little too long on your exposed legs 💀

he thinks you look really cute in your t-shirt and jean shorts though 🥰 when you look up and make eye contact with him and give him a little smile and wave he BLUSHES 🥺 and is right about to take the chance to talk to you but a granny hip checks him trying to get to the soybean paste and he almost trips and lands on his face 😔💔 so much for looking cool in front of you 😢🥺

tendou: having someone else play with your hair satori sees you on cleaning duty carrying the recycling to the bins as he finishes his runs around the school, about to make a turn to the gyms. he makes a beeline for you, calling your name with a bright smile on his face and waving his arms in the air. 🥰💞🥺

he bounds up to you and offers to help even though the bin is really light, cheeks warming at your smile 😊 when he takes the bin out of your hands , you wave your hand to get him to bend down. he complies, eyes widening when he feels your hand in his hair. he straightens up to see you holding onto a couple pieces of cherry blossom petals 🌸 he laughs bashfully; it feels like time has slowed and you’re the only two people in the world 💖💕

sakusa: if you’re on a pc/laptop, somebody leaning over your shoulder to look at the screen with you. the close proximity of your faces can feel awkwardly sexual you’re in the same kinesiology class and sakusa first noticed how GOOD your presentations are wtf and he’s even more impressed when he hears that you winged the whole thing because “i conveniently forgot about this until one in the morning when I decided it was a good time to reorganize your entire dorm room” ALSO you offered him hand cream the one time you caught him staring and against all reason he said yes and ever since he’s been dying to ask you where you got it from because HOLY was it nice 😍

you get paired up for the final pair presentation and he’s only become more interested in you! you’re easy to talk to and don’t pry too much and he finds himself oversharing at times 💀 the professor gives the class part of the lecture time to work on the projects so you’re sitting next to each other working when he asks you a question about the academic article he just found and you lean over his shoulder to look at his screen 👁👁 for anyone else, the close proximity of your faces would have grossed him out but he can’t stop thinking about how good you smell and how cute your ears look 👀🥰 when you tell him he’s found a really good source with an excited smile on your face, he BLUSHES and promptly wants to pass away because he has no mask on to cover him 🤡😭😵

sachiro: when you have a melting popsicle, there often comes a time where you must choose between eating it too quickly, or sucking it off so it doesn’t drip on you sachiro hums happily, holding your hand as the two of you walk home after your date and stopping at the convenience store where he buys the two of you popsicle sticks 😋

you’re talking about something funny you saw hoshiumi do in the class the other day when your popsicle drips onto you. you kitten lick at your hand and take the whole thing in your mouth to get rid of the more liquidy parts of your ice cream and sachiro is all 👁👄👁 he swallows thickly, cheeks warming and heart beating a little faster; why’s he suddenly so thirsty? 🥵💦🙈

gao: getting a strong whiff of somebody’s perfume when they pass you gao really wants to talk to you, like really really wants to talk to you 😖😭🙏 but you’re talking to your friends about something and the cute way you laughs and joke with them has him all 🥺🥰🤩

he’s about to walk up and join the conversation because let’s face it, gao isn’t afraid of much 🤧💀 too bad the teacher calls you back into the classroom about something. when you pass him, he gets a good whiff of your shampoo and his stomach flutters 😍😊🥺💕💖 follows you with sparkly eyes and wishes he made the choice to talk to you sooner 💔

futakuchi: bending over to pick up something you dropped kenji is watching (glaring) as you talk to one of the baseball team’s starting players 🤐 he’s so ticked but he doesn’t admit it like where does this guy get off making you laugh and smile like that wtf 😒🙄 luckily for kenji, the guy gets pulled away by the class rep for something so kenji calls your name to get you to look at him instead 😤

you come over and just as he’s about to stand up from his desk, he knocks over his eraser. you crouch down to pick it up and he finds himself really liking it 👁👁 he doesn’t get it either 🤡 like you aren’t bending and snapping—just folding your knees to get his eraser for him, but the way you tucked your hair behind your ear before you bent down so prettily has him ☺️😉🥵

terushima: when you’re eating and chatting with someone and they lick their lips yuuji pulled you away from your friends when it was time for lunch, wanting to spend more time with you one on one. he was so busy with volleyball and school lately 😞 and when he managed to get you to tell him how lonely you felt without him, he made it his mission to spend more time with you!!! 🥰😘💕

you’re eating together, sharing food and talking about everything and anything when he notices you lick your lips; he zones in on your little pink tongue as it swipes across your bottom lip 👁👁 “yuuji, you okay?” a hand on your cheek and suddenly, he’s kissing you. he tastes like the leftovers your mom packed you for lunch 🥰😋

[therubberotter]

Morning sky vs evening sky. Also, you can see my kitty Miso playing in her catio and my to-read pile ft. Delilah.

Today has been quite nice, and I was actually able to tackle quite a good chunk of my to-do list for the weekend. Some good sunshine after these past rainy days felt great, too! (But I miss the rain already :( ). The good part is, I was able to do some garden work and enjoy the beautiful morning.

I did a lot of housework, got to get a good start next week, as it's going to be too busy for my liking and I don't want to add any more stress to it!

Also read a bit, tried to (key word: TRIED) start my next assignment of my creative writing course, drew a bit, and prepared little Christmas presents for my students! <3

I even started studying advanced English again!! Teachers need to revise, too!

I've felt more bloated today, and I've also gained some weight. I think it has to do with liquid retention. But I will have to take prednisone for a longer time than I was expenting, since my doctor won't see me till the 17th of January :(

Oh well, at least I'm not feeling miserable anymore! And my mood has improved since yesterday. That's a win!! Now, off to play some pocket camp and sleep. I've been going to bed too late these past few nights, and I'm afraid tonight will be no different.

[pies-writes-and-more]

infatuation

word count: 1,779

pairing: Bokuto Kōtarō x Fem!Reader

warnings: maybe some swearing, a sad boi Bokuto but just for a bit promise haha also i haven’t fully proofread this so im sorry if it makes: no sense LOL 

a/n: i am falling more and more in love with this adorable himbo just look at him lol. This fic idea is honestly all thanks to @satan-ruler-of-hells​ because they are practically my muse in life so thank you satan ilysm <3 i hope you guys like it! Gif below is not mine - credits to the original creator!

haikyuu masterlist

Bokuto knew from the very second he laid eyes on you that he would love you with every cell in his body. He finally understood what it meant to be infatuated with someone (Akaashi had told him just the other week about the English and Japanese words for infatuation and almost immediately, Bokuto knew that that was how he felt about you). He looked at you and felt like his whole life had led up to this moment.

He spent weeks trying to get on your good side, though you just laughed a little at him and awkwardly slid away. But just like most people, you couldn’t avoid his happy-go-lucky attitude forever. He always seemed to leave you alone if you truly wanted him to, but he bounced around you like a golden retriever, grinning from ear to ear. You knew that Bokuto had quite the reputation to go 110% for anything he wanted to, and so you weren’t that surprised when a bouquet showed up at your desk before school after weeks of him flirting with you.

The volleyball captain stood awkwardly in the doorframe of your classroom as you stared at the flowers, a glow to your skin as you gently touched the petals. You liked him - you liked how honest he was about his feelings, how unafraid he was to show you, you liked that he talked so highly about his team members, that he even told you about some kids at another school that he had mentored for a bit. You really liked him, even if maybe you weren’t as enthusiastic in your actions. You turned to look at him, a smile on your lips making him sigh from relief. He shot you a wink and started to come into the class before Akaashi dragged him away, saying he also had class to attend to. 

When Bokuto finally asked you out, confessing to you with a grin on his face, “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I really like you, Y/N-”

“Bokuto, you left presents for me every day this week and you’ve been screaming it across campus that you like me,” you pointed out with a laugh. “I think I noticed.”

Bokuto’s jaw had dropped but he still managed to pull off that wide grin of his, “Oh! Good! So you got my signals! Would you like to go out with me then? We can go anywhere you like!”

How could you say no to that adorable sweet smile?

Everyone was well aware that Bokuto was infatuated with you, he looked for you at each of his games, spun you around in tight hugs every time he saw you acting like it had been forever since he had last seen you, and you were the second most thought about topic on Bokuto’s mind (besides volleyball, of course).

He talked about you non-stop, sometimes enough to get on the Coach’s nerves and earn himself a few extra laps. 

“-and then after practice today I’m going to go study with her because I’ve got that math testing coming up and she said that she would help me and-”

“Bokuto, you come off real strong ya know that?” Konoha chuckled, shaking his head slowly as he picked up another ball to practice serving with.

Bokuto tilted his head slightly, trying to decipher what his teammate meant, “Strong? What do you mean?”

Konoha just glanced at the team and smiled a little awkwardly, “I mean... don’t you ever think what you’re doing is a lot?”

The captain considered these words for a moment, a furrow in his brow the more he concentrated, “But... how is she going to know how much I like her if I don’t show her?”

“Just be glad she isn’t feeling suffocated by all your over-the-top acts of love,” Akaashi piped in, though almost immediately regretted it. His eyes glanced over at Bokuto, seeing the quick droop in his hair and expression.

“Suffocated?” Boktuo repeated with wide sad eyes. Could it be possible that you didn’t actually want him to do all the things he was doing? Could you actually hate everything he was doing and wish he would be different?

Akaashi tried to insist to his best friend that you obviously liked his actions enough to go out with him so he probably didn’t have anything to worry about, but it all fell on deaf ears. But the next morning, Bokuto decided that if it meant keeping you next to him, he would change how he was.

The next day, you were surprised to find no Bokuto standing at your locker with a smile and an eager story about something that happened at practice. You hung around just for a few minutes longer, wondering if he got held up somewhere, but eventually just shrugged it off, assuming he and Akaashi were busy.

But even throughout morning classes, you didn’t get any text messages, no memes being sent through any social media platforms, no snapchats of his bored expression when he was clearly supposed to be learning.

Was... something wrong? You thought back to the last time you saw him, just before yesterday’s practice, when he had covered your face with kisses like he always did and beamed when you told him you’d see him tomorrow. “I can walk you home if you’d like!” He had offered.

“You’ve got practice in like 5 minutes, Bo,” you rolled your eyes with a smile. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry!”

He had shouted some compliments at you as you left making you laugh more as you waved goodbye to him.

Had something been wrong then too as you hadn’t noticed?

Bokuto seemed to be dodging you during break times. You’d see a flash of his dyed hair and by the time you got to where he last was, he had disappeared again.

Was he avoiding you? Was this his way of trying to break up with you? Your expression tightened into a frown - after just a few weeks, was Bokuto trying to ghost you in the most immature way possible? Sure, you knew he was childish and didn’t like to hurt people’s feelings too much, but you never expected him to try and disappear from your life like this.

You knew he had practice tonight so at the end of the day, you waited by the gym, awkwardly giving smiles and waves to his teammates as they walked in.

Soon, Bokuto’s eyes caught yours and he froze, looking around for some sort of escape. Your heart dropped just a little - so he really was trying to avoid you.

“H-Hi Y/N,” he smiled nervously, slowly walking towards you and trying to see if he could maybe slip past you.

“Are you trying to break up with me?” You demanded, searching his eyes for guilt or sadness, or any sort of emotion really.

But Bokuto just stared at you with shock, his head tilting the way it did when he was confused (which was often, to be honest), “W-What?”

“You’ve been avoiding me all day. And you didn’t come find me in the morning... or at lunch... and you haven’t texted me all day. It feels like you’re trying to run away from me,” as you spoke, you felt a bit of shame growing in you. Were you just being clingy? Were you overreacting for no reason? Maybe Bokuto was just busy today. Maybe he just needed space. Maybe you had gotten used to him being around you had started getting too clingy to him and he needed to get away from you. “If... If you needed space you could’ve just told me.”

“I don’t need space! I thought you did!” Bokuto gaped at you, reaching out for your hand but hesitating and pulling his arm back suddenly. “I thought... maybe you thought I was too much. Or suffocating you with how much I like you. I know you’re very independent so... I didn’t want to chase you away because I like you so much.”

“Suffocating me?” You repeated in surprise. You hadn’t ever really considered that. Sure, Bokuto came on strong but there was a sort of confidence in it that you really admired. You loved that he told you what he thought with barely a filter sometimes, you loved that he showed you all the time how much he loved you because you were honestly sure you were unlovable for a while. But where you felt like you were the darkness, he was a gleaming sort of light. A happiness that you never understood but always envied, a courage embedded in him that you wanted to get to know more and more, a gigantic heart that you could never understand how or why it chose you. “Bokuto, I am... completely infatuated with you.”

Bokuto watched you, his eyes getting bigger and bigger as the seconds passed. He knew that word (now in two languages) and he knew that was exactly how he felt about you. He grinned and quickly picked you up into a hug, squeezing you tightly, “I missed you so much today. Trying to keep away from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” he whined, his smile not letting up the whole time.

You laughed and snuggled into his neck, squeezing him tightly, “Don’t go ignoring me like that ever again okay! I missed hearing from you all day. You’re the best part of my day,” you told him with a loving tap to his nose, making him beam all the more. 

“Never again! I promise! I’m much too infatuated with you to ever leave your side again, I swear!” he laughed, emphasizing his fancy new vocabulary and making you giggle. 

“Okay okay, go practice before you’re late. Then you can walk me home okay?” You told him and he jumped up excitedly, running off to make sure that practice went by quick so he got to be with you. You just watched him with all the love in your eyes, sitting in the gym and focusing on how he moved, how he soared, how powerful he was.

As practice went on, you couldn’t contain your laughter as Bokuto scolded Akaashi and Konoha for making him believe that he was too much and coming on too strong, insisting that you were the most perfect girl in the world so of course he had to show you how much he loved you.

His words just filled you up with so much joy, you could barely sit still. You were completely in love with Bokuto, but until you were ready for those words, infatuation really did seem to fit quite nicely.

haikyuu taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added!)

@al0ehas @aurumk @neko-chii1 @thisnoodlewritesao3 @satan-ruler-of-hells @trashy-simp @jeppiet @tobi-momo @darkvadeeer @haikyuutothetop @livy384 @babyshoyo @jesssobs @b-bakana​

[jihyuncompass]

A Birthday Visit

Well well well would you look at that. My very first Tears of Themis fic is for Marius’s birthday who could have guessed (anyone who knows me) Happy Birthday Marius, I can’t wait to see you again <3

For future reference, this fic was written for Marius’s 2021 birthday. As of yet Tears of Themis has not been released for the English audiences. I have played the beta but there is a chance Marius will be a little out of character as a result of the timing. 

Summary: You visit Marius’s work to celebrate his birthday with him, even if he’s a little busy 

Marius x MC

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: N/A

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The PAX building was an intimidating one. That thought always came into your mind when you approached it. While the Law Firm was also one of the large skyscrapers that made up the Stellis skyline, the PAX building was taller, and quite the intimidating addition to said skyline. 

It wasn’t the first time you’d been here, far from it, but it was rare for you to go into PAX for a non professional reason, or without being explicitly invited by Marius. You looked up at the building, even without meaning to your eyes focused on the window you knew belonged to Marius’s office. There was a good chance he was in there right now. 

Adjusting your bag over your shoulder you walked through the doors and into the bustling first floor.  

You walked through the groups of professionally dressed employees standing to chat idly, or summarize the recent meetings they had. Or stop to enjoy their coffee for a little while before getting back to work. 

“Welcome to the PAX group.” One of the receptionists started as you walked to the desk. “How can I help you today?” You cleared your throat, speaking as eloquently as you can. 

“Hello, I’m here to see Mr. Von Hagen? I’m a friend.” You said to the receptionist. She raised an eyebrow and looked up at you. Scrutinizing your appearance.  

“I’m sorry, Mr. Von Hagen doesn’t see anyone without a meeting.” You pressed your lips together, 

“I can promise you he’s a good friend of mine, it’s his birthday and-” 

“I’m sorry I have no way to verify that you are who you say you are.” The receptionist said. You reviewed your options in your head, clearly she wasn't going to let you go up there on the promise of being a friend. 

After a moment of brainstorming an idea came to you, digging through your bag you showed the receptionist your work ID badge, listing you as a lawyer for the Themis Law Firm. 

“I’m also Mr. Von Hagen’s personal lawyer, he knows who I am.” The receptionist squinted at the ID, hesitant of it’s quality and authenticity. After typing at her computer briefly she sighed and relented. 

“Aright, I do see your name here. I’ll let you up there and I’ll give a call to Mr. Von Hagen’s assistant to let them know you’re here.” You thanked her and hurried to the elevator. The first challenge was dealt with, now it was just time to go through with the rest of the plan.  

You piled into the elevator with a group of suited men heading to what you assumed were their own desks and offices throughout the building, but you’d be one of the only people going as far up, to nearly the top floor where Marius’s office would be found. 

The elevator was nearly empty by the time you made it up, only a few people exiting with you. 

One of Marius’s assistants was waiting for you on the other side of the elevator. They greeted you as you approached them. 

“Good afternoon.” They said. “I’m afraid to say that Mr. Von Hagen has been stuck in meetings all day so I’m not sure if he’ll be able to see you.” 

You pressed your lips together, you should have asked him in advance, he was usually busier than he always let on. 

“Well I just have a couple things I want to show him, I’m happy to wait for when he has a spare moment.” The assistant seemed unsure but shrugged. 

“Very well, I’ll take you to his office, you can wait there. I’ll let him know that you’re there.” You followed the assistant down the long hallway to the office at the end, the largest by far, belonging to Marius. 

The assistant closed the door behind you, the office was neat and tidy as it always was. Although it was Marius’s office, you were always a little disappointed by just how little of Marius seemed to be in the office. The sleek professional furniture, the carefully organized files, cup full of standard ballpoint pens didn’t seem like Marius. The rebellious, creative and playful Marius you knew well and had grown to adore. 

Sitting on the couch in his office you decided to make use of your time by setting the present you’d gotten him out on the table, along with the small cake box. With your job and caseload you hadn’t had the time to make a particularly fancy or intricate cake. But something small the two of you could easily share.  

You hummed to yourself gently as you got everything set up. Your eyes focused on the work in front of you. So much so you didn’t even notice as the office doors opened while your back was turned. 

“So.” A voice said from behind you. The sudden noise startled you, making you jump. Quickly turning around you were face to face with Marius. Dressed with a full suit, although he had that playful gaze he kept around you. Seeing him, your shoulders relaxed, and a smile crossed your face. “I heard you wanted to see me.” 

“I hoped I could catch you for a minute for your birthday.” You explained to him. “I should have asked about your schedule, I wouldn’t have come if I knew you were so busy.” Marius shook his head. 

“Nah I’m glad you’re here. It’s a perfect surprise.” Marius looked past you and to the table behind you where everything was set up. His eyes lighting up with that almost childlike excitement he got. However that excitement was quickly clouded. 

You frowned. “You don’t have a lot of time huh?”

Marius hesitated to answer you. “I don’t have a lot of time, I have a meeting in a half hour.” 

As you looked from Marius to the table you straighten your back and beamed at him. “Well then let’s make this a fun half hour! Enjoy the time we have.” With this the playfulness returned. The Marius you loved to see. 

Sitting beside one another, you made quick work of slicing the cake into two even slices for the two of you. 

“I’m afraid it’s nothing fancy.” You said. “But I have no doubt it tastes good and that’s what matters, doesn't it?” 

“Did you make it?” Marius asked, a brow raised curiously. 

“I did, I’m not a baker though so be warned.” Marius picked up the fork, picking up the perfect bite of cake to get both the cake and the frosting on top. Watching him closely you made note of his reaction. “What do you think?”

Marius nodded. “It’s good, I think I would even say I’m impressed.” You relaxed against the couch. 

“I’m glad you like it.” You said. “I was worried it wasn’t going to be very good.” You took a bite to taste it yourself, the sweetness of the cake hitting your tongue immediately. You’d had better cakes, but still you couldn’t deny the little part of you that was proud of what you’d made. 

Not wanting to waste your time you quickly leaned forward to push some presents closer. This seemed to grab Marius’s attention away from the cake in his hand. He set it down to pick up one of the gifts, looking over the basic wrapping paper. 

“Go ahead.” You encouraged. “Open it up! Take a look.”  Marius stared with the smallest one, quickly tearing off the paper without much thought. He pulled out two tickets, reading the tiny text on them. “They’re for an upcoming art exhibition I read about online, I thought it’d be fun to go together. I don’t know nearly as much about art as you do but maybe you could teach me some stuff.” 

Marius smirked. “I guess I could spare some of my expansive art knowledge to impart some on you.” 

Holding back from rolling your eyes instead you gave him your best genuine smile. “I would love that. I’d love to learn from you.” Marius seemed pleased by this, as evidenced by the redness that quickly started growing on his face. Looking back at the gift he tried to get himself back under control. 

Similar to the first gift Marius tore the wrapping paper off the second one. This one, a hand held sketchbook, bound nicely with a leather cover, his initials MVH put onto the front. A small note you’d written scribbled onto the first page. 

“This is-”

“Well, you’re always working so hard here, or studying hard at university, and I know you would probably much prefer to be in your studio painting. So, that’s a little sketchbook, one you can carry anywhere.” Flipping through the pages, Marius’s expression turned soft, warm, happy, not holding that playful spark. “I know you probably could afford any notebook in the world, but this one is customized just for you, not another one of these exists just like it.” 

The softness in his face stayed even when he looked up at you, even when he looked down again. 

“Thank you, for this.” He held it carefully in his hands, as if he was afraid of damaging it too soon. Before he could even put pencil to paper for the first time. There were still a couple gifts left, but you let him linger on that one. Trying to memorize every single second in your mind. 

The rest of the gifts were more basic things, special sweets, some art supplies you’d seen when you passed by the art store on your way home. Despite how basic many of these smaller gifts were, he never seemed ungrateful, and equally happy to see each one. 

All the presents unwrapped, and cake nearly finished you both sat together happily. Looking at Marius with the initial excitement wearing off you started to see the exhaustion peeking through. The heaviness in his eyes, the way his shoulders were stiff yet slumped. He looked tired, worn out already. 

“Your assistant said you’ve been in meetings all day?” 

Marius rubbed his eyes. “Yeah, PAX has a big thing coming up. I’ve been in meetings since eight. This is the first break I’ve had all day.” As he spoke he loosened his tie, letting it release some of the tension in his shoulders and neck. 

“You look exhausted.” You said. He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds. “Have you been resting?” 

Marius’s eyes opened again. “I was at my studio late last night. But I’m fine.” 

You looked more concerned, you doubted he was really resting enough. With everything he did, there was no possible way he was letting himself take breaks. Even on his birthday he seemed to be working full steam ahead. 

“Marius, why don’t you lay down for a bit? Let yourself rest?” Marius looked over at you, as if he was trying to think through it, crunching the numbers in his head. Gently touching his shoulder you turned him to face you, his eyes raised to look at your face. You loosened up his tie some more and unbuttoned the top button on his dress shirt to let him relax. 

 “Come on.” You said in a soft voice. “Rest for a little bit.” 

He considered this for a little while longer. Then let long a long sigh, he let himself lean forward enough to rest his forehead against your shoulder. Reaching up you rubbed his back, gently massaging to let him relax against you. 

“I can’t rest for long.” Marius muttered. “There’s that meeting-”

“Something is better than nothing.” You reminded him. “How about you lie down? You can rest with me until your meeting.” He was still for a little while longer, then lifted his head long enough to move. 

Marius’s head was laying in your lap. You gently played with his hair, running your fingers through the strands. Marius’s eyes slipped closed, his breaths long and even. 

“My meeting-” 

“I’ll get you up when it’s time. Rest right now.” You told him. He sighed and let himself fully rest. 

“Thank you.” He muttered. 

“Happy birthday Marius.” You whispered to him. Watching him rest, you couldn’t help but smile. This moment was going to be over sooner than later, soon he’d have to get up and get himself cleaned up, he’d go to that meeting, and then the next one and the next one until he could call it a day. He’ll probably go to his studio again, even if he’s exhausted. He’ll try and get some rest, but eventually he’ll get up and start it all again. 

But right now he’s with you and resting. Enjoying the short break he could afford. Maybe not the best birthday one could have, but one that was more than happy. 

[right-brain-of-froggy2]

Christmas in July Day 14

Here’s a new style I haven’t really written much in before for chapter 14! Please enjoy today’s feature of It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

AO3 link here!

December 2

To: Scott Tracy

Hey, this is John. It’s almost Christmas in a month. Virgil and Alan have found the stash of Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving. It’s an absolute shitshow of glittery ornaments and candy canes here.

Man, I don’t think I’ve sent a handwritten letter since I was a kid. Sorry for not writing before now. My final studying is going fine, and I toured Stanford and Harvard for a visit day. That’s all I’ve got, I guess. Oh and Gordon signed me up for helping at the elementary Christmas concert because apparently, I don’t have enough Christmas spirit. Whatever that means. Ho ho ho.

From: John

  December 4

To: Scott Tracy

Hi Scooter!! Dad said to write you because you might be lonely. I think he thinks I’m lonely. I’m not though, I’ve got lots of friends in swimming! This is my first Christmas that you won’t help put up lights. Don’t tell Dad but he might break his back. Virge will help. We baked a few cookies but it’s not cookie day and they’re yummy! I should send you one from the recipe I came up with sometime. I’ve heard they’re very good form everybody!

Which base are you at? Johnny said he was going to send this letter for me with his. I don’t know what else to talk about over letter! That one clothes store to us hung up all these pretty candy canes in the window and Alan made us copy it here. I love you!

From: Gordon

  December 9

To: Scott Tracy

John said that you are busy and don’t have lots of time. That’s okay cause I love you anyways! When you get home, we can play space explorer. John’s not as fun as you with it. It’s okay you can’t come home for Christmas. I’ll save you cookies and presents and a stocking in my room.

From: Alan (written by Virgil)

  December 9

To: Scott Tracy

Middle school finals suck. Will write more later!

From: Virgil

  December 12

To: Scott Tracy

I hope your first assignment is going well. I put some pictures of the decorated house and Virgil’s handiwork inside. I took Alan to town, and he wanted to stop at an antique store and found an old digital camera to use. Dad didn’t get much say when it came to the lights with Virgil old enough to argue for his artistic visions.

Also, Gordon mentioned he sent you a cookie recipe? Don’t try it. Dear God don’t try it.

From: John

  December 17

To: Scott Tracy

They’re finally done! John said you also had Mrs. Rightinger for English and I feel your pain big brother. Those exams sucked! Anyways, John’s lamenting that you won’t be here for Christmas even if he won’t say it. All of the extended family is coming over to celebrate and he and Dad went at it about him staying in his room the whole time. You would always hide him away with excuses. Maybe I can convince Gordon to fake having one of his migraines and say he needs John to take care of him in the peace and quiet? But then again, that would mean leaving a scheming, perfectly healthy Gordon alone with John…

If you don’t hear back from me World War IV started and it was all Gordon’s fault! Love you bro.

From: Virgil

  December 17

To: Scott Tracy

I love you and I miss you and John took me to the store to buy special Christmas stickers on my card! I put all your favorites on here but kept the gingerbread ones for John cause Gordon said that would be funny.

From: Alan (written by Virgil)

P.S.: I saw Alan and Gordon sticking the gingerbread stickers all over John’s door and he was not amused. It waaaaasss pretty hilarious though! Typical Tracy Christmas. -Virgil

  December 18

To: Scott Tracy

The mailman already took the letter from yesterday but I forgot to say my joke! Why does Santa go through the chimney?

Because it soots him!

From: Alan (written by a very tired Virgil at 7 AM “so the mailman doesn’t steal it early again”)

  December 21

To: Scott Tracy

Hello my dear Scotty. I have not been sent to my room for time out and I am not secret writing this to you in hopes that next time you call you can get me out of trouble. That is not what happened despite what Dad says! You wanna hear a secret? John said that Virgil said I should fake a migraine so he can get out of talking to people. I wasn’t gonna say yes because Adriana and Henry are coming over with Aunt Sarah but then! John said he would give me half his chocolate from his stocking Christmas morning so I said yes. I kinda owe him too for making him help at the Christmas concert but it was sooo fun! We sang The Grinch song, and Here Comes Santa, and Jingle Bells and the My Two Front Teeth! Johnny controlled the lights so he got to be away from people so I don’t know why he’s that upset.

Don’t tell Dad that either. Love you!

From: Gordon

  December 25

To: Scott Tracy

Guess who didn’t get caught yesterday for Christmas Eve dinner. I miss having you have my back though- Gordon is pricey. Half my chocolates! You would have helped me for free, I know. Hope you have a Merry Christmas and they let you have some time off to come home soon. Alan has been guarding your presents from the other cousins like a Rottweiler. We all love you.

From: John

[atlafan]

a/n: hola!! So, I’m posting the first 7K here since this is just one long one-shot. I hope y’all will join patreon to continue reading the rest of the story. I worked really hard on this one, and for whatever reason I feel like this is some of my best writing. Enjoy!

Words in total: 38K

Warnings: 

TW - mentions of abortion/planned parenthood

Some angst, mostly just two people being idiots

Smut - slight daddy!kink, slight soft dom

Being the new kid in school is never easy. When you’re in elementary school, it’s exciting. Everyone wants to know you and be your friend, but in middle school…the kids judged you on day one. Orla Murphy and her family moved to Boston halfway through fifth grade. It would have been one thing if it was summer, she’d be able to slide in undetected. She could just pretend she was from a different elementary school and be done with it. But no, her father got offered a new job in the big city that he couldn’t turn down. Orla’s an only child, so it wasn’t even like she could mope and complain with a sibling. It was just her and her parents, and even though her mother was a bit more sympathetic to her daughter’s misery, it didn’t make Orla feel better. 

So, here she is, on her first day of school on February 1st standing in front of a classroom of kids she doesn’t know, being forced to introduce herself and where she’s from.

“Go on, Orla, tell us a little about yourself.” The teacher says with a warm smile.

“Um…I’m Orla Murphy, I just moved here from Vermont. I’m from a small town where the whole school is the size of this classroom.” She looks down at her snow boots before looking up at the teacher.

“Wow, this’ll be quite the adjustment. What do you like to do for fun?”

“I draw and listen to music. I play Barbies, um…that’s all I can think of right now.”

“That’s fine, thank you, Orla. You can have a seat now.”

Orla goes back to where she was sitting before she got called up to introduce herself to her home room. She slumps down into her seat and listens to the morning announcements. The bell rings and it’s off to math. The class goes across the hall to the other teacher.

By the time lunch rolls around, Orla isn’t feeling much better about her new school. She had brought lunch, and wasn’t sure who to sit with. Her class has two assigned tables, but she doesn’t want to take anyone’s usual seat. She contemplates going to eat in the bathroom until someone taps her on the shoulder.

“You can sit with me and my friends, if you want.”

She turns around to look at a boy with a mess of chocolate brown curls on his head, a pair of round glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, and braces gracing his smile.

“Oh, um, thanks.” Orla blushes and follows him to one of the tables.

“I’m one of the few people that brings lunch too, everyone should be over soon. I’m Harry by the way.”

“Hi.” She says shyly.

“What kind of a name is Orla?” He asks, biting into his apple after they sit down.

“It’s Irish…”

“Cool! Does it mean anything.”

“Golden princess, or something like that, I don’t really know. My dad’s Irish and I guess his grandmother’s name was Orla so they named me after her.”

“That’s really cool. My mom just liked the name Harry, and now that’s my name.” He shrugs. “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“No.” She says, and pulls her sandwich out of her lunchbox. “Do you?”

“Mhm, I’ve got three older brothers, I’m the youngest. My oldest brother is a senior in high school, isn’t that cool? He’s going to college next year.”

“Does he drive you places?”

“Yeah! And sometimes he lets me sit in the front seat without my mom knowing. He’s the best.”

Orla felt like she was finally starting to open up, but Harry’s friends joined their table and took over the conversation. They acknowledged her, but didn’t make any effort to pull her back into the conversation. Harry noticed this and didn’t like it. She excuses herself a few minutes before the bell rings to go use the bathroom. There’s a study block after lunch where all of the kids in class could get a jump on homework, or read.

“Okay, everyone!” Mrs. Sampson, the teacher, cheers. “We’ve got a very special treat today. It’s Harry’s birthday, and his mom sent him in with cupcakes for the whole class!” Harry stands up and smiles as Mrs. Sampson places a birthday crown on his head. “Harry, would you like to pick someone to help you pass out the cupcakes?”

“Sure.” He nods and looks around the room. Many kids raise their hands with excitement. He spots Orla looking out the window with her chin resting on her fist. “I pick…Orla!”

Her attention snaps over to Harry while everyone looks at her. She stands up and walks over to him and takes a tray of cupcakes to help pass them out. Once everyone has their cupcakes, and a carton of milk supplied by Mrs. Sampson, the kids are allowed to sit with their friends and chat. Soon, some of the girls start talking with Orla, and it helps her feel more welcome.

By the end of the day, all of the kids are dismissed to go to their lockers and grab their backpacks before getting into their bus lines or go wait for their parents to pick them up. Orla sees Harry at his locker and she works up the courage to go talk to him.

“Hey, um, why’d you pick me earlier?” She asks him.

“Huh? Oh…I don’t know, I didn’t like that my friends were ignoring you at lunch. So, I just thought if you passed out the cupcakes with me more people would talk to you.” He rubs the back of his neck and grabs a card out of his locker. “Listen, I’m having a birthday party this weekend at Roller World, you should come.” He hands her the invitation. “The whole class is coming, it’ll be fun.”

“I’ll, um, I’ll ask my parents…thanks, Harry.”

“Don’t mention it.” He smiles. “Are you taking the bus home?”

“Yeah.”

“What number?”

“Eleven.”

“That’s my bus! You weren’t on it this morning.” He closes his locker and they start making their way to the auditorium where the bus lines are.

“Yeah, my mom wanted to drop me off this morning to walk me into the office so I could get my schedule and stuff.”

“Cool, where do you live?”

“I’m the second to last house on the left of Langston Ave…number twenty-four.”

“You can’t be serious. That’s literally right across the street from where I live! I was wondering who moved into that house. I’m number twenty-seven.”

“Whoa, that’s freaky.” Orla blinks.

“Well, at least you know you have a friend close by. We can wait at the bus stop in the mornings together if you want.” The two go into their line and wait as the teacher on duty keeps them at bay. “Do you wanna sit together?”

“That’s okay, I’m sure you have other friends you usually sit with.”

“Yeah, but none of them are new and exciting.” He scoffs. “Unless…uh, if you don’t wanna sit with me that’s totally fine.”

“No, I do! I just didn’t want you to think you had to offer.” She blushes.

“You’re funny, you know that?” He gives her shoulder a nudge with his hand, and the teacher lets the kids know they can go to their bus.

Orla follows Harry outside and onto bus eleven. He grabs a seat in the middle of the bus and sits down. Orla sits down next to him and smiles. The two talk the whole way home. Harry listens as Orla explains what her dad does for work and why they had to move.

“You’re gonna like living closer to the city, I think. It’s really fun to ride the trains and stuff.” Harry tells her.

They get to their stop and make their way off the bus. Orla’s mom is waiting outside on their front steps for her with a smile on her face.

“Um, thanks for being so nice to me today.” Orla says to Harry.

“You don’t have to thank me. Don’t forget to ask your parents about coming to my party on Saturday, okay?”

“Okay, bye.”

“See you tomorrow.” Harry smiles before crossing the street to his house.

“There she is! How was your day? Was that a new friend?” Orla’s mom gives her a big hug and kiss.

“Mum, stop!” She pushes her mother off of her and they both go into the house. “I got invited to a party on Saturday, can I go?” She hands her mother the invitation Harry had given her.

“Sure! I think I can make this work. I knew you’d make friends right away.”

“I didn’t make friends, I just made one. His name is Harry.” Orla sits down at the kitchen island while her mom makes up an after school snack for her.

“One is still good, Honey. I know this move hasn’t been easy for you, but I’m so proud of you for making it through your first day.” Mrs. Murphy sets down some peanut butter covered celery sticks in front of Orla. “Were your teachers nice?”

“Mhm, Mrs. Simmons is my homeroom teacher, and she’s my English and Social Studies teacher. Mrs. Rayburn is my math and science teacher from across the hall. We had a study block after lunch and we had cupcakes cause it’s Harry’s birthday. Tomorrow we have art after lunch.”

“That’ll be fun.” Mrs. Murphy smiles. “Wait until Dad gets home, he’ll be so happy to hear how your first day went.”

//

On Saturday, Orla takes a deep breath as she walks into the roller rink. Her mother is right behind her making sure she gets in safely. Orla grips the gift bag with Harry’s present in it as they walk further in.

“There they are.” Orla says to her mom, and they make their way over to the other kids and their parents.

“Orla, you made it!” Harry beams and gives her a high five. “Put that down, we can go get your skates.” He tugs her along to the counter while Mrs. Murphy says hello to Mr. and Mrs. Styles.

“Hi, Monique Murphy, I’m Orla’s mum.” She shakes both of their hands.

“You just moved in across the street, right?” Mrs. Styles says. “We’ve been meaning to come over to introduce ourselves.”

“No worries, I’m sure you’ve been busy putting all of this together. Your son has been so sweet to Orla these past few days.”

“We’ve always taught him to treat others with kindness. Um, is your husband at home, or is it just you two in that darling cape house?” Mrs. Styles asks.

“Oh, Shawn’s doing some unpacking for me. I work from home, and I needed him to put my desk back together and all that.”

While Mrs. Murphy gets acquainted with the other adults, Harry helps Orla lace up her skates. Many of the other kids say hello to her, but mostly keep to their established friend groups.

“Have you ever roller skated before?” Harry asks her as he helps her stand up.

“No.” She wobbles and latches onto his shoulders. “Maybe I should just sit this out. I don’t wanna slow anyone down.”

Harry rolls his eyes and takes Orla’s hand to help her get to the rink entrance.

“Come on, Harry! We’re gonna race!” One of the boys says.

“In a minute, I’m hanging with Orla right now.” He looks back at Orla as they both get onto the rink. “Okay, so you’re gonna glide right and left.” He spins around to take her hands, and starts slowly skating backwards. Orla looks at him with wide eyes. “I play ice hockey.”

“Oh, cool.” She swallows, and grips his hands as she follows his movements.

“There you go, you’re doing it!” Harry cheers her on. The DJ announces that cosmic skating is about to begin, and the rink goes pitch black. Neon lights turn on around the rink and everyone starts cheering. “Think you’ve got the hang of it so I can skate beside you?”

“Yeah, but you can go with your other friends. I don’t want you to think you have to babysit me.”

“I don’t think that.” He moves beside her and takes one of her hands. “It’ll just be easier to guide you like this.”

Orla ends up having a fun time with Harry, and she even warms up to some of the other kids. She learns that Logan, Owen, and Matt are Harry’s three best friends. Logan takes Orla’s other hand at one point and helps her skate a little faster with them. She laughs with all of them and gets the hang of skating on her own. Eventually it’s time for pizza, cake, and presents. Orla sits next to Sammy and Frida, two of the girls she was getting friendlier with in class. Harry starts opening his gifts. He gets some action figures, a new Bruins jersey, skate laces, and then he gets to Orla’s gift. From the few days Orla had spent getting to know Harry, she had learned that science was one of his favorite subjects. So, she got him a make your own volcano kit.

“Wow!” He exclaims as he pulls the kit out of the bag. “This is so cool! Thanks, Orla!” He smiles at her.

“You’re welcome.” She says back quietly.

After they eat, the kids go back for a few more rounds on the rink. Others go off to play in the arcade area. Kids start getting picked up by their parents, and Mrs. Murphy lets Orla know it’s time to go.

“I’m really glad you came.” Harry tells her.

“Me too, thanks for inviting me. Um, see you on Monday?”

“Yeah.” Harry pulls something out of his pocket. “I won these at the arcade, they’re just rubber bracelets, but I don’t need two of them. Do you want one?” He holds up the red rubber bracelet that has Roller World imprinted into it.

“Sure, thanks.” Orla takes the bracelet and slides it onto her wrist. She watches as Harry puts his own on.

From that day on, Harry and Orla were the best of friends. They did everything together. She’d go to his hockey games, and he’d invite her over to do homework after school. In the summer time they’d go swimming in his pool, and Mr. Murphy would grill them up some burgers. By the time eighth grade hit, the teasing started. Their friends told them to just kiss already, and they’d ask why they’re not boyfriend and girlfriend. Orla didn’t like Harry like that, as cute as he was. He was just her friend, and she liked it that way. Did they go to the eighth grade dance together and have a conjoined end of middle school party? Sure, but that’s what friends do.

High school is an entirely different ball game. They lived closer to the high school, so they didn’t need to take the bus. Harry and Orla would walk together every morning. They were put into different homerooms because of their last names, but they had many classes together. They were able to choose their seats so they made sure to sit together whenever they could. They had the same lunch period with their friends, so it was easy enough to get through the day. Orla tried out for the girls’ volleyball team, and she got on, so Harry would make sure to go to her matches. He made it onto the varsity hockey team, so Orla continued to go to his games as well. Again, people continued to ask if they were dating. This was mostly because Harry got more handsome by the day and girls were starting to express their crushes. Orla was pretty in her own right, but she was too shy to even look to see if anyone was looking back at her.

They went to school dances as a group, but they always danced to slow songs together. The summer between freshman and sophomore year of high school, the duo got jobs working at a retirement community restaurant that only hired high school students as servers. This meant new friends, and new people to hang out with after work. Most nights someone would host a fire in their backyard, and most nights this led to making stupid decisions. Orla and Harry didn’t drink, but they did smoke weed every once in a while.

“I don’t wanna smell like it, my parents would freak out.” Orla says to her friend who’s about to pass the joint to her.

“We could shotgun it.” He says.

“What do you mean?”

“I can inhale it and pass it to your mouth.” He smirks.

“Oh…” She furrows her brows. Harry isn’t paying attention to the interaction between Orla and Trevor, the sixteen-year-old boy who Orla secretly had a crush on. “Wouldn’t that be like kissing?” She giggles.

“Maybe, would that be a bad thing? If I kissed you?”

“You wanna kiss me?” Orla asks, but before she can get an answer, Harry’s hand finds her shoulder.

“My dad’s here, we need to go.” He says into her ear.

“Oh, um, okay.” Orla stands up.

“If you wanna stay longer, I can drive you home.” Trevor says.

“You’ve been smoking.” Harry says, stepping in front of Orla. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He takes Orla’s hand and tugs her along.

“Harry, where’s your dad’s car?” Orla asks when they get to the front of the house.

“He’s not here, I just said that so Trevor would leave you alone. We’re only a block away from home, let’s just walk.”

“Trevor wasn’t bothering me though.” Orla says to him as they start walking.

“Well, he was bothering me.”

“Why?”

“He was pressuring you into taking a hit off his joint.”

“No he wasn’t. And since when do you care if I want to smoke? It’s not like it would have been my first time.”

“I have some edibles in my room, we can have those.”

“Harry, you ruined something that could have been really special.”

“Yeah? Like what?” He huffs, walking slightly ahead of her.

“Trevor was going to kiss me, and I really like him.” Harry stops short and turns around to look at her. “And you know that would have been my first kiss, so…it would have been special.”

“You wanted your first kiss to be with a guy you would taste like weed in front of a ton of our friends?”

“No one was watching us.” She looks down.

“Why do you like him?”

“Because he’s cute and funny, and he always helps me buss my tables at work.”

“Is that all it takes?” Harry scoffs.

“What’s your problem? You flirt with girls all the time, you know.”

“Girls flirt with me, and news flash, I haven’t kissed anyone either. It’s not like I’m being hypocritical.” He rolls his eyes and starts walking again. Orla crosses her arms over her chest and follows behind him in silence. They don’t say another word to each other until they get to their street, and Orla starts to walk away from him towards her house. “Where are you going? I thought you were sleeping over.”

“Think I’d rather just be alone right now. I’m too annoyed to spend another second around you tonight.”

“You’re being a baby.” He follows her across the street and they both stop at the front of her walkway.

“And you’re being a jerk.”

“Why would you want your first kiss to be with someone who’s just trying to get into your pants?”

“He’s not like that.”

“Yes he is! I heard him, okay? I heard Trevor talking to Eric at the dish drop off. He…he has some bet with him that by before summer is over you two will have gone all the way.”

“You’re lying.” Orla’s eyes start to water.

“I’m not, why would I lie to you?”

“I don’t know!” Orla sprints off into her house. Harry sighs heavily and goes to his own house.

Mr. and Mrs. Murphy have already gone to bed, so Orla’s quiet as she makes her way up to her room. She washes her face and brushes her teeth before getting into her pajamas. She sits on her bed with her laptop so she can watch TV to calm down. About twenty minutes later, Harry’s climbing in through her window. She looks over at him with a pout and puffy eyes. He doesn’t say anything to her, all he does is cup her jaw and press his lips to her. Her eyes nearly pop out of her head. Before she can even do anything Harry steps back from her.

“Now we’ve both had our first kiss.” He mutters, cheeks a deep shade of red. “I care about you, and you care about me…so it’s special.”

“Oh…well…thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He goes back over to her window, ready to climb back down. “Date whoever you want…just trust me about Trevor, okay?” With that he leaves.

She touches her fingertips to her lips and flops back into her pillows. Her first kiss was just with her very best friend, what could be better?

//

“Logan asked you to junior prom!?” Harry shrieks when Orla tells him after school.

“Shh, yes. I told him I had to talk with you first.”

“Well, do you want to go with him?”

“Not if it’s going to put you in a pissy mood.” She smirks.

“Do you…like Logan? Do you think he’d be a more fun date?”

“It’s not that I think he’d be more fun, but…you know he and I make out sometimes, it’d be nice to go with someone that I could be a little more intimate with. Besides, you have a crush on Josie, why don’t you ask her?”

“Because we go to every dance together.” Harry takes a deep breath. “Go with Logan, it’s fine. As long as you and I still take separate pictures together.”

“Of course! Oh, thank you, Harry!” She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses his cheek. She’s about to walk away from him to go tell Logan, but he wraps his hand around her wrist. She furrows her brows as she look at him.

“But for senior prom, let it be known now, no matter what, you’re mine.” He’s as serious as a heart attack. For some reason, Orla’s mouth feels incredibly dry. She nods in understanding and Harry lets her go. “Go on, go tell your lover boy.”

Orla runs off to go find Logan, and Harry rolls his eyes. He ends up going to junior prom with Josie, who was overjoyed when Harry asked her to go with him. They all have a good time, and they end up having a big sleepover party in Owen’s basement. The lights are dim, and the air is a little smokey. People are drinking, others are staying sober, no one is pressuring anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. Harry can’t help but glance over at Orla every once in a while. She’s sitting on Logan’s lap in a hoodie and joggers, but her hair and makeup are still all done up. They’re kissing and giggling, and Harry feels like he’s going to be sick.

“Let’s play truth or dare!” Frida shouts. Everyone gets into a circle on the floor, and they use a glass soda bottle to spin. Owen spins first, and it lands on Harry.

“Truth or dare?” Owne smirks at his friend.

“Dare.” Harry says confidently. Frida whispers something into Owen’s ear and he nods.

“I dare you to go into the closet with Orla for eleven minutes in heaven.”

Everyone falls silent. Harry and Orla look at each other, and then they both look at Logan and Josie.

“It’s not like they’re going to do anything. I say go for it.” Logan shrugs.

“This is so stupid.” Harry huffs and stands up. Orla follows behind him and goes into the closet.

“Timer starts now! We’ll let you out when it goes off!” Owen yells to them as he turns the music up.

Harry and Orla both cross their arms over their chests as they stand face to face in the cramped closet. They don’t say anything at first, but Harry breaks the silence.

“I think this is, like, the gazillionth time someone has dared us to do this.” He shakes his head.

“Sounds about right.” She sighs. “I’m so glad no one knows we were each other’s first kisses, they’d die if they found out.”

“Yeah.” Harry runs a hand through his hair. “Did you have fun with Logan tonight?”

“Mhm.” She smiles. “What about you and Josie?”

“She’s nice enough, I’m not really sure why I was crushing on her so hard for. She’s not really my type.”

“That’s too bad, I’m sorry.” Orla frowns. “I didn’t think you really had a type.”

“Well, I do.” He snaps. “Doesn’t everyone?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “I don’t think I do.”

“Why do you like Logan?”

“He’s always been sweet to me. I think he’s cute, he helps me with my history homework. And he’s a good kisser.” She grins.

“Is that all you’ve done together? Just kiss?”

“Yeah, I would have told you if something more happened.”

“So…no second base?”

“Has he groped my boobs? No, I’m not ready for something like that yet.” She laughs.

“I thought second was, uh, blow jobs.”

“I thought that was third.”

“No, third is fucking.”

“Then what’s home plate?”

“Being in a relationship.” Harry laughs, and so does Orla.

“That’s fucked up.” She shakes her head.

“Do you think you’ll get to any of that with Logan?”

“I don’t know to be honest. I’m not really worried about it. I’m just going with the flow with him. Why do you care so much? I know he’s one of your oldest friends, but-“

“That’s not why I care. I just…” He steps a little closer to her and tucks some loose curls behind her ear. “I know how sentimental you get about things, and I’d kill him if he ever did something to hurt you.”

She looks up at him. She can feel his minty breath fanning over her skin.

“You can’t be my first for everything, Harry.” She says quietly.

“Why not?” He whispers. He’s just about to lean in when the door swings open.

“So? Did anything happen?” Frida asks excitedly.

“Nope, sorry to disappoint you all yet again.” Orla says, and brushes by all of them to go grab some water.

Harry walks out of the closet, and they all continue their game. When they finish, they all go back to just hanging out. Orla takes her place back in Logan’s lap.

“Do you wanna go somewhere private?” He whispers to her.

“To do what?” She whispers back.

“You know.” He wiggles his eyebrows at her.

“Logan, I’m really only into kissing right now. I don’t want to do anything else.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice to kiss in private, though?”

“We do that in your car all the time.” She laughs. “I’m having fun with everyone right now.”

“You just don’t wanna sneak off because Harry’s here.”

“That’s not true.” She frowns. “I just know what I’m personally not ready for. I…I don’t have to explain myself to you.” Orla stands up and grabs her sleeping bag and pillow.

“What, you’re not going to sleep next to me now?”

“I never was.” She throws her things down next to Harry, and buries her face into her pillow.

“You okay?” He asks, rubbing her back.

“Why is every guy a jerk? Like, why is sex the only thing on your pea sized brains.”

“Because our brains are pea sized.” Harry smirks. “We don’t have room to think about anything else. Did Logan try to pull a move?”

“Sort of. He asked if I wanted to go somewhere more private, and I said no, and he said I was only saying no because you’re here, but that’s not the case at all. I just don’t wanna go further than kissing, and he couldn’t comprehend that.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?”

“No, I think that’ll just make it worse. It’s not like we were dating, it doesn’t matter. I just…do you think Josie will care if I sleep next to you?”

“Oh, her mom picked her up.”

“When?”

“Like an hour ago…after I politely declined a hand job from her.”

The two burst out laughing and get into their respective sleeping bags. Orla cuddles up to Harry’s side and he throws an arm around her. For the first time in a while, Harry’s able to fall asleep with ease.

//

The pair ended up going to the same college for undergrad, of course. No one expected them to go to different schools. However, their majors were vastly different. Orla wanted to be a Physical Education teacher, and Harry wanted to be a pediatric surgeon. So, while Orla was in her education courses, Harry was balls deep in biology, anatomy, chemistry, and calculus. Harry was assigned a roommate at random, another pre-med student; his name is Neil. And Orla ended up rooming with another girl from their high school who she didn’t know that well, but she figured it would be better than rooming with a stranger; her name is Katie.

During their freshman move-in, Harry got his shit settled and then went to help Orla. Their families all went out for lunch, and then it was just the two of them. Luckily, they were put in the same dorm, Harry would just be down the hall from her. Katie was an education major too, but her concentration was in social studies. Her and Orla would have a few basic education courses together before breaking off into their respective concentrations. She made it onto the women’s volleyball team, and Harry decided he’d just play intramural hockey when the season rolled around so he could focus on his classes.

Harry would go to all of his Orla’s home matches. As things got busier during the semester, they weren’t able to see each other as much during the day. They made up for it at night in the library or in their dorm rooms. The two had grown comfortable with one another over the years, so Orla had no problem just hanging out in a sports bra and spandex shorts around Harry, and he had no problem just wearing his boxers around her. One night, Harry was hanging out in Orla’s room while Katie was at work. They were laying in bed watching a movie. Orla was wearing one of Harry’s old Bruins shirts and a pair of cotton panties. Her phone keeps buzzing, and Harry’s just about had enough. He pauses the movie and sits up to grab her phone.

“Harry!”

“I’m muting your fucking volleyball group chat. I’m getting sensory overload from all of the buzzing…” He furrows his brows at the screen. “Why are they all asking you if you asked me something yet?” He looks up at her. “What do you have to ask me?”

“Nothing, it’s stupid.” She snatches her phone from him. “They’re stupid.”

“If it’s stupid then just tell me what it is.”

“Can we just watch the movie?”

“Give me your phone, I need to know.”

“No.” She hugs her phone close to her chest.

“Orla, just tell me what it is!”

“No!”

“Give me your phone!”

“No!”

Harry and Orla start wrestling on her bed. She’s not wearing a bra so sticking the phone down her shirt won’t work. She does the next best thing and shoved it down the front of her underwear. Harry pins her down by holding down her wrists.

“That’s not fair.” He says.

“It’s my phone.” She tries to wriggle out from underneath him, but he’s stronger than her. The phone buzzes again, and she grunts. “Harry, just let it go.”

“I’m literally not going to be able to sleep unless you tell me.” The phone buzzes three times in a row. Harry watches as Orla bites down on her bottom lip and looks away from him. “Oh my god, is that buzzing against your clit?” He laughs.

“Harry!”

“You did this to yourself.” He presses down against her to keep the phone even closer to where it’s effecting her. “Just ask me whatever it is and I’ll let you go.”

“You’re such an asshole!” She wraps her legs around his waist to try to flip them over, but her legs just aren’t strong enough. The phone buzzes again and she groans. “What are you gonna do, make me come you sick fuck?” She starts laughing from how absurd this whole thing is.

“I’m not the one who shoved my phone down my underpants.” He laughs. “Just tell me.”

“No.” Three more buzzes. “Fuck.” Harry’s eyes widen as he looks down at her, and she gasps. “Are you hard?!”

“No! I…my dick twitched!”

“Why?!”

“Because you’re moaning!”

“Harry, I swear to god if-“

The door opens and Kate comes in. She stops short when she sees Harry on top of Orla.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry.” Her cheeks heat up.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Orla shouts as Harry scrambles to get off of her. She takes her phone out of her underwear and takes a deep breath. “He was trying to read my texts and we started wrestling.”

“Right…” Katie puts her things down and grabs her shower caddie. “I’m gonna go take a shower. I should be back in about thirty minutes.”

“We weren’t doing anything.” Harry says.

“Mhm.” Katie scoffs and leaves the room.

“Will you go to my volleyball formal with me next weekend?” Orla says to Harry.

“What? Is that what you had to ask me?”

“Yes.”

“Orla, why were you making such a big deal about this?”

“Because the girls were making it seem like the formal is a big deal and…I know you have a lot on your plate right now. I didn’t want you to feel pressured.”

“You’re ridiculous, you know that? Of course I’ll go with you to your formal. It’s just one night, it’s not a big deal. I’m doing well in my classes, I’m not worried.”

“You got so stressed your cried two weeks ago.”

“I was overwhelmed during midterms, you know I have test anxiety.” He hops off her bed. “Don’t sweat it, okay? Just text me the details.” He yawns. “I’m headed up to bed.”

“Gonna go rub one out?” She smirks.

“No.” He blushes. “I’m gonna go play video games with Neil. Have fun masturbating with your phone.”

“Don’t need it. I have stronger devices.” She grins.

“Yeah? Need help using them?” He teases.

“Get out!” She laughs and throws a pillow at him.

Harry blows her a kiss before he leaves and she blows one back. When Katie comes back in after her shower, Orla’s put herself to sleep. Well, actually she’s watching TV on her phone with her earbuds in because she doesn’t want to listen to Katie give her shit about Harry.

The night of the formal, Orla wears a simple little black dress that’s also strapless. She slips on a pair of black flats as well. Katie helps her get her hair up into a cute messy bun on the top of her head while Orla does her makeup. (Orla had Katie help her flatiron her hair to tame it a bit. She usually loves her curls, but she’s been experimenting with different looks.) Around 10PM there’s a knock on their door.

“Come in!” Orla shouts.

“Ready to go?” Harry asks and nearly chokes on his tongue when he sees Orla. “Wow, you look really nice.”

“Don’t act so surprised.” Orla rolls her eyes.

“Want me to take your pic in front of the tapestry?” Katie asks.

“Yes, please.” Orla smiles and hands her the phone. She poses with Harry for a few pictures, and then they head out.

“Aren’t you going to be cold?” Harry asks her on their way to the volleyball house.

“Nah, we won’t be out for long.”

They make their way into the house about ten minutes later. There’s a table set up like a bar for everyone to make their own drinks at. Harry sticks with beer while Orla goes for a rum and coke.

“Hey, O.” Ben smiles at her. Ben was a junior on the men’s volleyball team, and he’s very cute. “Saw you on defense at your last match, you looked great out there.”

“Thanks.” Her cheeks heat up, and she takes a sip from her cup.

“You come here with anyone?”

“Just my friend Harry.”

“Friend, huh?” He grins.

“Mhm.” She nods and takes a step closer. “He’s off talking to Chloe and Heather.”

“Not very nice to leave his date unattended.” He steps a little closer to her. “Especially when she looks so gorgeous.”

“Ben.” She giggles and gives him a playful push.

“You guys had one hell of a season. Aren’t you only one of, like, three freshmen to start this year?”

“Yeah, something like that.” She smiles.

“Gotta look out for the short ones I guess.”

“We’re pretty sneaky.”

An hour or so passes, and Harry can’t find Orla anywhere. He’s starting to get worried so he ventures through the house to see if maybe she went to the bathroom. She’s not in the one in the main hallway, so he goes upstairs.

“Where the fuck did she go?” He says to himself. He had been in the volleyball house plenty of times for various parties, so he had a good lay of the land. He goes to the larger bathroom, and opens the door.

“Ah, oh my god, B-Ben.” Orla’s head rolls back, allowing Ben to kiss on her neck. There she was, sitting up on the bathroom counter with Ben’s fingers knuckle deep inside of her.

“Orla?” Harry says.

“Dude, get out of here!” Ben shouts.

“Oh my god, Harry!”

Harry’s face flushes and he shuts the door immediately. He quickly goes down the stairs and weaves through the crazy amount of people in the house. He had been buzzed, but what he just saw totally sobered him up.

“Harry!” Orla shouts after him, but he doesn’t stop, he needs fresh air. “Harry, wait!” He pushes the front door open and sucks in a deep breath. “Harry! Oof!” She rams into his back and stumbles backwards.

“Get someone to walk you home, I can’t even look at you.”

“I thought he locked the door! And to be fair you didn’t knock.”

“I couldn’t find you for over an hour, excuse me for worrying about you.” He scoffs and turns to look at her.

“I was dancing with Ben and then we went upstairs, I’m sorry. I should have texted you.”

“Since when do you let random guys finger fuck you in bathrooms?”

“Um, Ben’s not a random guy. I’ve known since school started, what the fuck? I…I’ve been fingered before.”

“What? By who?” He shakes his head. “You know what? It doesn’t matter.” He chews on his bottom lip for a moment. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“I told Frida.” She rubs her arms up and down. “It’s as far as I’ve gone, and I’ve never taken my clothes off to have it happen…”

“Did you do anything to him?”

“I gave him a hand job.”

“Was that your first time doing that?”

“No.”

“Oh my god!” Harry runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t even know you anymore.”

“Are you going to tell me you haven’t done things? I’ve heard rumors, you know?”

“I’ve dry humped, that’s about it. No one’s ever seen my dick.”

“No one’s ever seen my vagina, not that that’s any of your business. There are certain things I don’t want to talk about with you, can’t you understand that?”

“I understand, I understand perfectly fine.” He goes to say something else, but he just shakes his head. “Come on, you look like you’re freezing.”

“That’s because I am.”

After that night, Harry let out his inner manwhore. During the spring semester, he fucked so many girls he lost track of their names. He didn’t tell Orla a single thing. He fucked all summer long without saying a word to her about it. When Orla first had sex the following school year, she slept with the same guy for the entire fall semester. It didn’t end well, though, which led to her crying into Harry’s chest for over an hour. That night they both opened up about everything, and agreed that keeping things to themselves wasn’t a good idea.

//

Undergrad flew by. Orla passed all of her certifications, and even found a job teaching phys ed at the high school level. She’d have all summer to work her ass off to save up some money and build her savings before starting fresh at her new school in the fall. Harry got accepted into all of the med schools he applied to, and was having trouble deciding.

“NYU is offering me the most amount of money…” He tells Orla one night.

“If…if you go there then you’ll probably end up working at a New York hospital.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you heard back from Harvard Medical yet?”

“No, and at this rate I bet I’m not getting in. Besides, they’re known for offering shit grants. My parents can’t afford to help. All of their money went to their lawyers.” Harry rolls his eyes.

After Harry’s freshman year, his parents told him they were getting divorced. His three older brothers had long since moved out, and with Harry gone his parents realized they just weren’t right for each other anymore. He didn’t take it well. This may have led to him fucking a lot that summer, and the absurd amount of tattoos he got.

“Then I guess…I guess you’re going to NYU.” Orla swallows. “You should do it, it makes the most sense, and you’ll get a great education.”

“Harry!” Mrs. Styles shouts from downstairs. “You got a large letter from BUSM!”

“Holy shit, I forgot I applied there.” Harry says, and the two race downstairs. Harry rips open the large envelope and gasps. “Oh my god! I was accepted in to BUSM’s MD program. Holy fuck, they partner with Boston Medical Center for their surgical residencies.” He looks at his mom, then Orla.

“Are they offering you any money?” Orla asks.

“Orla, um…do you mind if Harry and I go over this together? I’m going to need to FaceTime his father to discuss everything.”

“Oh, sure! Yeah, this is a big family moment. Come by later if you want, H.” She smiles and leaves.

“They’re offering me a decent amount of aid, Mum.” Harry says as he reads over the letter.

“Honey…don’t you want to get out of Boston? NYU could be a great experience for you.”

“Mum, BUSM is a prestigious medical school. Why would you want me so far away?”

“I don’t want you far away, I just want you to have some life experience, meet new people.” She chews on her bottom lip. “I don’t want you to stay here just because you don’t want to leave Orla.”

“That’s not why I want to stay.” Her mother gives him a look. “Okay, maybe I want to stay closer so I don’t have to be far away from her. Can you blame me? We’ve been best friends since the fifth grade. I couldn’t imagine only seeing her once every few months, and then I’d probably have to move out there full time, and she’s only certified to teach in Mass.”

“Honey, you’ve never had a stable girlfriend. Maybe being away from Orla could help you do that.”

“I just haven’t met anyone, it’s not her fault.”

“You’ve liked her since the day you met.” She laughs, astonished at his ignorance.

“No, I’m not one of those guys that’s only friends with a girl because he wants to date her.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“I didn’t say that’s why you were friends. I just think if something was going to happen between you two it would have happened already. So, stop wasting your time waiting for her.”

“I’m not waiting for her to do anything. She’s my best friend, and she’s always going to be my best friend. BUSM makes more cost-effective sense. Think of how expensive the hole in the wall apartment I’d be living in in New York would be. I could definitely find a better priced place here, or I could commute for a bit to save money.”

“If you’d rather go to BUSM, then go. But make sure you’re doing it for yourself and not just to stay close to Orla.”

“I’d say it’s about 80/20.” He smirks, earning him a swat to the arm from his mother. “I’m kidding! It’s more like 60/40.”

“Jesus Christ, go call your father and let him know the good news.” She sighs.

//

Flash forward to present day – eight years later. The pair are twenty-eight; Harry is an attending pediatric surgeon at Boston Medical Center, making absolute bank, and Orla is at her third high school in six years because budgets keep cutting funding, which means P.E. teachers aren’t exactly in high demand. She lives in a small one-bedroom apartment, she’s constantly exhausted, and she wishes she had chosen any other profession. She coaches the girls’ volleyball team for extra money, and works at a bar on weekends and in the summer.

Harry and Orla are still the best of friends. They’ve made it through a lot of ups and downs. Through it all they’ve always had each other. He’s currently seeing a girl named Bailey that he met at a bar near work. Orla is going through a dry spell, but she’s not dwelling on it.

The school year had just ended, thank god, and she has Sunday through Tuesday off from the bar. Orla takes some time to go through her wardrobe and get rid of any dingy leggings or tee shirts. She has a strict budget for clothes because she’s constantly having to replace her athletic wear. She’s chilling on the couch Tuesday evening watching Property Brothers: Forever Home when she hears the jingle of keys on the other side of her door.

[READ THE REST ON PATREON]

[biggest-stupidhead]

Never Ready

Summary: “It’s not like I’m ready to take her in.”

“And I was ready for you? Kid, nobody is ever ready for things like this. That doesn’t mean they don’t happen.” Levi is faced with the difficult decision of taking in his newly orphaned cousin. But he can't do it alone.You're a newly graduated college student looking to make some extra cash, but get more than you originally bargained for...

Word Count: 2.3K 

--

The day had started just like any other day. He woke up early and worked out before making himself a small breakfast of tea and an English muffin with some jam. Then he got dressed for work in one of his perfectly tailored suits. His routine was flawless, perfected over many years to allow him to seamlessly slip from one task into the next. He arrived one full hour before work actually began so that he could organize his desk and get a jump on the day’s cleaning. He liked working in a clean environment, if this step was missed (or really any of them for that matter), his entire day was thrown off. 

And today was one of those days. About four minutes before the office officially opened, Levi got a phone call. He had the phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder as he finished wiping down his desk with a clorox wipe. 

“We regretfully inform you that your cousin and his wife were involved in an armed robbery.” 

He froze at this, his eyes narrowing as the woman waited for his response. 

“What was stolen?” He asked before continuing to wipe down the surface. 

“Sir…” The woman spoke slowly and Levi began to lose his patience. 

“Listen, I appreciate the phone call but quite honestly I don’t have time for this.” He said bitterly as he disposed of the wipe. 

“This is very important sir, your cousin, and his wife were both murdered in the process.” The woman informed him and his blood ran cold. Although he had never been close with his extended family, the news was still tragic. 

“I see,” Levi grumbled as a boulder seemed to settle in the pit of his stomach. 

“I’m calling regarding their daughter, Mikasa. Seeing that Mr. Ackerman was an only child, as was Mrs. Ackerman, and their parents have passed, you and your uncle are her next of kin.” The woman continued as Levi sank into his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What do we need to do?” Levi sighed as he closed his eyes, waiting patiently for her response. 

“You have a few options, either of you could gain full parental rights to her, or she will become a ward of the state.” Some shuffling could be heard on her end of the line and Levi felt his heart rate spike. For a time in his own life, he had been thrown into the system, that was until his own uncle had gained custody after sobering up. 

“I understand,” Levi grumbled, watching as his coworkers set about their daily business as he was dealing with this unforeseen issue. 

“The decision doesn’t need to be made immediately of course. I strongly encourage that the two of you discuss this at length. The funeral is this Thursday, Mikasa and myself will be there and we can talk in greater depth then.” The sound of a keyboard clacking filled the short silence as he considered what an appropriate response would be. 

“I’ll...get back to you.” He leaned forward in his seat and clicked on his calendar, crossing out the lengthy list of tasks and replacing it with, FUNERAL. 

“Thank you, and sorry for your loss.” He hung up the phone and reclined back into his seat. This was quite possibly the biggest disruption he would ever face in his life. He hated that his cousin and his shitty wife had left this burden to rest on his shoulders. But upon further thought, his own mother had done the same thing to his uncle. You know what they say: history repeats itself. 

It seemed that as soon as he had set the phone down, it rang. His uncle’s contact lit up his screen and he let it ring three times before picking it up. 

“Did ya hear?” Kenny’s deep voice crackled over his speaker and Levi grunted. 

“Yeah, just got off of the phone with the social worker,” Levi informed him and Kenny hummed deeply. 

“What do you think?” He pressed and Levi felt his annoyance increase by tenfold. 

“I think that it’s a load of shit. And you?” Levi asked as he crossed his legs under his desk. 

“Same here.” Kenny agreed. 

“It’s not ideal, but we can’t let her go into foster care,” Kenny grumbled and Levi hummed his agreement. Kenny was right, even if she was distantly related, Mikasa was still a part of their family. 

“So are you going to take custody then?” Levi scoffed, knowing damn well that Kenny was pushing fifty and had a chronic case of bad arthritis. 

“Hell no, I’ve done my part by raising you.” Kenny laughed bitterly and Levi’s expression soured. 

“It’s not like I’m ready to take her in.” Levi countered and Kenny let out another bark of laughter. 

“And I was ready for you? Kid, nobody is ever ready for things like this. That doesn’t mean they don’t happen.” Kenny chuckled mirthfully as Levi shifted in his seat. He knew that Kenny was right, and he knew from the moment that the social worker had said that Mikasa needed someone, that it would be him taking her. 

“I’ll need to get a bigger place then.” Levi sighed his fingers rubbing tight circles over his temple as he thought of his bachelor-sized apartment. 

“Damn straight.” Kenny chuckled as Levi shot a look at the clock, it was nearly twenty minutes into the workday already. 

“Look, I’m at work. I’ll talk to you on Thursday at the funeral.” 

“See you then.” Kenny hung up and Levi let out a long exhale. His week was off to a terrible start. 

--

In movies, funerals are usually held in dreary weather. But today was almost too beautiful for a funeral. It was late January and the ground was covered in a thick blanket of sparkling snow. As the coffins were lowered into the two holes the social worker held Mikasa on her hip. She was only four, and there was no way that she could fully grasp what had happened. Levi stood with his hands shoved deep inside of his pockets. 

Kenny stood off to his left, a large distance between the two of them. There couldn’t have been more than seven people here, Levi assumed that they were friends of the family. The other attendees came up to him before and gave their condolences to Levi and Kenny, who both said nothing in return. The service was quick, Levi and Kenny had opted out of paying more than what the state offered. In Kenny’s own words, “Dead is dead, no fancy funeral is going to help them now.” 

To some, it may seem heartless, but it was the way that the family coped with death. Once the funeral was over, Kenny and Levi joined the service worker to get a cup of coffee in a nearby cafe. She had passed Mikasa off to a brunette woman before leaving the cemetery. Levi assumed that she was the foster woman that they had placed her with, or possibly a family friend. 

“So, I understand that you wish to gain custody?” Michelle was a middle-aged woman with graying hair and prominent wrinkles on her forehead. As she flipped through files that were spread across the table Levi nodded as he sipped his tea. 

“That’s correct,” Levi affirmed and she nodded before spinning the paperwork so that he could read the form. 

“I’m sure that you understand that this is no small commitment.” She spoke as she passed him a pen. He scoffed and began initialing and signing where necessary. 

“Of course,” Levi grunted before flipping the page. 

“Before you can gain full custody, the state will need to see some changes in your lifestyle, for starters, you’ll need to move within her current school district and continue to hold a steady job.” 

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Levi mumbled, pausing to read the paper before signing. 

“Excellent, once these needs are met, she can be placed under your care,” Michelle informed as Levi skimmed over the page. 

“Anything else?” Levi asked as he signed the last form presented to him. 

“Not at this time, I’m sure that you’re well versed in most of our policies, seeing that the two of you went through a similar process.” Michelle continued as she neatly returned the papers to their folder. 

“Yes.” Levi agreed as he brought his cup back to his lips. Kenny had been silent for most of the exchange. If Levi was being honest, he was relieved to have him there, even if he wasn’t contributing. 

“Great, we’ll be in touch then.” Michelle smiled tensely before excusing herself, leaving Kenny and Levi alone at the table. Kenny finished his coffee and stood up, stretching with a loud groan. 

“Well, I’m off to the office,” Kenny said with a short wave behind his shoulder. Levi watched him go, feeling a strange sense of dread settle into his gut. It all felt so surreal, even if he was thirty and most of his peers were already parents themselves, he still felt unprepared. It was just like Kenny had said, nothing could prepare him to take on this role. That didn’t mean that it wasn’t his to take, and he would be damned if he let Mikasa get thrown into the foster care system. 

Levi set to work on finding a house in the district that the social worker had given him. He had never been a fan of suburbs, but at this time it was all that he could afford. So he found a decent house with four bedrooms, one for himself, one for Mikasa one for guests, and a final for a study. He was lucky enough to have a decent job, and a respectable grasp on his finances, it took him a week to finalize the buy, but in the end, he was glad that he did. 

He had been meaning to get out of his stuffy apartment anyway, (or so he reasoned with himself), he moved his belongings out of his downtown apartment in less than a week. Once the house was effectively moved into, he then began the tedious process of preparing Mikasa’s things. He started by doing research on what four-year-olds needed and then set about buying the necessities. He felt out of place as he shopped through Target in the little girl’s section, buying bedding and such. But he got the job done, he knew that she had to have some clothes, and decided that he’d cross that bridge when he got there. 

It was the night before Michelle was scheduled to visit, and Levi had invited Hange over for a drink. Hange had nosed around for about an hour, acquainting herself with Levi’s new space and gushing when she saw the modest room that he had prepared for Mikasa. 

“I can’t believe that you’re actually going through with this!” Hange cooed as she sat on the small bed. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked defensively as he propped himself on the doorframe. Honestly, he had been avoiding this room, it felt that if he acknowledged the space, the heavier the weight of the situation crushed his chest. 

“I just...never thought that you liked kids. But I’m really proud of you.” Hange beamed as she smoothed out the pink comforter as she stood. 

“What made you think that I didn’t like kids?” He scoffed as the pair left the room, he closed the door quietly behind them as they made their way into the kitchen. 

“Oh I don’t know, maybe I just made the assumption based on your obsession with cleanliness.” Hange waved her hand dismissively and Levi clicked his tongue as he poured two glasses of wine. 

“They are filthy.” Levi agreed as he brought the glass of red wine to his lips. 

“What’s she like?” Hange asked, wrapping her own fingers around her glass as she eagerly awaited his response. 

“....I haven’t met her.” Levi felt a wave of panic crash over his chest as Hange’s eyes widened. 

“Never?” Hange couldn’t hide her astonishment. 

“Never,” Levi said with a roll of his eyes. 

“You’re serious?” Hange pressed and Levi glared at her. 

“Do I ever joke about these things?” Levi snapped and she held her hands up in defeat. 

“I’m just surprised is all,” Hange mumbled before taking a long sip of her wine. 

“I wasn’t close with her parents,” Levi explained as he put the cork back on the bottle. 

“Well...maybe you should take some extra time off of work,” Hange suggested and Levi sighed deeply. 

“I can’t, I’ve already taken off more than I planned.” Levi sat on the barstool next to Hange and she swiveled to face him, their knees knocking against each other. 

“But this is not something that you take lightly Levi. She’s a four-year-old girl who lost both of her parents. She’s going to need a lot of attention.” Hange looked concerned and Levi’s expression soured. 

“I understand that, but my job is-” 

“Is not your priority anymore. Have you thought about what you’re going to do for childcare yet? She’s too young for school. Or at least not full days.” Hange interrupted. 

“So I’ll put her in daycare, or preschool.” Levi shrugged and Hange pursed her lips. 

“That could work, but don’t you usually stay late at the office?” Hange pressed and Levi chewed on the inside of his cheek guiltily. 

“Maybe you should consider getting a nanny. Plenty of my student’s nanny, I could give you some good recommendations.” She offered before lifting her glass to her lips. 

“Maybe…” Levi suddenly felt way in over his head, if all went well in the morning, then Mikasa would be sent his way in nearly a week. 

“I’ll ask around on Monday,” Hange said, reaching out to pat his shoulder. For once, he didn’t shy away. 

[lottiepumpkinofficial]

I Don’t Want to be a Princess

This is why I hate English. First week back after Christmas and I have to present my thoughts on Romeo and Juliet. I don’t know what my thoughts on Romeo and Juliet are. The only thing keeping me going while I talk is her.

She smiles at me. She keeps on smiling as I try my best to not stumble on my words. I’m halfway there. Mother would not be proud of me right now, Father would be even less proud, but I don’t care. She’s smiling at me.

The whole class is watching me and it reminds me of why I don’t want to be a princess. But she does. Focus on her. Her. On her school shirt that looks clean, but ever so slightly rumpled. On her fluffy hair that I know she hasn’t brushed today, despite Jamie’s annoyance. On the way she sits, leaning forward, always interested in what I’m saying. On her blue eyes, looking intently at me.

Oh God, oh God, I think I messed up. Too busy daydreaming and not enough focus on what I’m saying. But it’s okay, I’m nearly done now. Nearly done and then I’ll get to sit down, next to her. Someone else will go and talk and everyone will forget about me.

Everyone will forget about me. Except her. That’s the way I like it. Slip under the radar. If they remember me, they remember the cool as ice, fake front I put up. But she remembers me. My spirit, my soul, who I am underneath the mask.

One more sentence and I’m done. I finish talking. Ms Kuma claps and I walk back to my seat, head high. I can’t let them see me look weak. Except her. She’ll find out sooner or later.

I zone in and out of the class, my thoughts elsewhere. Her perfume filling the atmosphere. How my parents wish I would wear a perfume like that. No. I won’t. I only like the smell of perfume when it’s her. She smells so good. It smells like softness and warmth.

She puts her hand on mine. I know what this means. It means “I know there’s something on your mind, but you tell me when you’re ready.” It means she knows. But all I can think about is that her hand is on mine. She’s touching me. She starts to gently rub my hand. She knows I’m feeling anxious.

After waiting, and drifting away from class, she pulls me back when it ends.

“Ellie, come on, let’s go back now and we can study.”

She doesn’t mean actual studying. She means we’re going to relax tonight and watch a movie, but she can’t say that when Jamie is around. So we came up with a term so that he won’t know. Homework means homework, revision means revision, but studying means bliss.

We walk back slowly. We both know I don’t have the energy to walk as fast as normal right now. Jamie notices, he frowns at me. He knows something is off, but I won’t tell him. As long as I show up for training, and do what I’m supposed to, he won’t be angry.

I hate when he’s angry at me. It feels like my parents bottled some of their anger and carefully placed it into Jamie. I don’t want to be a princess. But she does.

We reach our dorm and she opens the door for me. The smell of her perfume, and the sight of my music collection brings me back to reality. I feel like I’m shaking off a nightmare.

“Ellie”, she says my name, “I don’t know what’s going on in that brain of yours, but I’m here if you want to tell me, okay?”

I nod. She smiles. Her smile feels like a warm hug. And then she is hugging me, her arms wrapped tightly around me. I don’t want her to let go. Eventually she does. But she holds my hand instead.

She sits me down on her bed, and hands me a cupcake that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. It’s got the prettiest buttercream icing with pink swirls and sugar flowers. The kind of cupcake she would delicately eat because she’s too scared to destroy it.

But I’m not like her. I devour the cupcake, she wipes the icing off my lips. I look at her lips. They look so kissable.

I love her. I love Lottie. My Lottie pumpkin.

I don’t want to be a princess. But she does. I want to be hers. I want to be her prince.

I want to be her prince.

[studyguidepro]

Why are Tenses Important in English Language? Know the Reason

You should always keep in mind that English is a chronological language. English speakers simply always need to know when some action or event took place. Chronology, or events and dates set in order of their happening, is expressed by English speakers through verb tenses. Each tense indicates the connection between two or more time periods or the exact time an activity occurred, which underlines the importance of English grammar tenses. They can be used to create different meanings from the same verbs and help to anchor the listener understand the meaning behind your story. Thus, English has a lot of verb tenses with some expressing a connection between two time periods whereas others indicate the exact timing of an activity. Further, the depth of the English tenses should never be underestimated. We can, indeed, express very different things when simply changing the tense; or even use tenses as rhetorical devices to stress whether we strongly believe a project "is going to succeed" or simply express that we "will see" if a project "will succeed".

Some languages do not put as much emphasis on tenses and the chronological order of events and actions. Instead, they stress (hierarchical) relationships between the people involved in the events and actions that are being described by the speaker/narrator. Japanese is one example for a language that puts much more emphasis on relationships. Thus, English learners whose first language is Japanese need to pay extra attention to the tenses in English and should work with visualization aids to move English tenses from the rather abstract realm of textbooks to a much more tangible and understandable medium. For example, why not take a wooden box and imagine that the past tenses need to placed within that box to symbolize how they describe events and actions that started and were completed in the past. This method works for tactile and visual learners alike.

If you’re still wondering why verb tenses are important, then let’s walk through the different types of tenses and how they can be used to effectively communicate with other people. After all, the goal of this post is to understand the important verb tenses that will help you in businesses and daily life.

Where does the word ‘tense’ come from?

Understanding where words come from will help you remember why they’re important. You can quickly recall the value of a verb tense by memorizing that it comes from the Latin word tempus, meaning time. With the English verb tense lists below, you’ll be able to quickly understand how to communicate about different events in time.

Four Main Types of Verb Tenses

Past Tense

Present Tense

Future Tense

Perfect Tense

Four Forms of Verb Tenses

Simple Progressive/Continuous

More About the Different Types of Verb Tenses

The four main types of verb tenses and two forms can be used in a variety of combinations to create unique meanings. With so many options, it can be hard to determine what type of verb tense to use at the appropriate time. Below, you’ll find definitions of the different verb tenses and examples to help you understand how these could be used in your daily life.

Simple Form Verb Tenses

You can think of simple verb tenses as the building block of all other forms. In English grammar, simple form verb tenses do not have an auxiliary verb in affirmative sentences, which you’ll find in other forms. Below, you’ll find examples of simple present, past, and future phrases that you can use in conversation.

Simple Present Tense – Definition & Examples

The present tense can be used in two ways: to express a recurring action and to represent a common belief. Below, you’ll find an example of how the present tense is used in each of these instances.

Example 1: The tallest buildings are on 42nd and E Street.

Example 2: On warm days, the students run home from the park.

Example 3: Plants process carbon dioxide through photosynthesis.

Simple Past Tense – Definition & Examples

If you’re talking with a friend or a coworker and you want to explain that you started and finished an activity in the past, then you’d want to use a simple past tense verb. Regular past tense verbs end with -ed, but you’ll also find irregular past tense verbs where the spelling of the root word changes.

Example 1: We jumped off the diving board and into the pool.

Example 2: We drove through the night to make it home after the party.

Simple Future Tense - Definition & Examples

In its simple form, the future tense signifies something that is going to happen in the future. You can identify or use the simple future tense by using will or shall (note: The latter is far less common than will). Aside from will and shall, you can also express the simple future tense with am, is, are + base verb + ing, going to, and the simple present.

Example 1: My team will finish the report on Friday.

Example 2: We’re going to the mall on Saturday to find new clothes before the concert.

Example 3: The race starts early in the morning before the sun rises.

Perfect Verb Tenses

Not all events are clearly situated within a time frame, which is to say that some events happen at an indefinite time. Do you remember the specific time you drank coffee today? Probably not, because it stretched out over an indefinite period of time in the past. Perfect verb forms also apply to past and future tenses, where an event took place before another or will be completed in the future before another action.

Present Perfect Tense - Definition & Example

Communicating events with indiscrete times can be tricky in English. The present perfect tense is supposed to make this easier. If you want to explain an event that happened at an indefinite time in the past or that began in the past and continues into the present, then I’ve put together a few examples below. These will help you understand the basic rule of the present perfect.

Example 1: My friends have seen the movie so many times, they lost count.

Example 2: People have gathered together to celebrate each other’s birthdays for hundreds, if not thousands, of years.

Past Perfect Tense - Definition & Example

If you’re talking about multiple events that happened in the past, then the past perfect tense will be useful for you. This verb tense allows you to discuss or write about an event that took place in the past, but before another past action.

Example 1: All the cars had parked alongside the road to watch the meteor shower.

Future Perfect Tense - Definition & Example

Just like you can discuss the relationship between two events in the past, you can also do so for those occurring in the future. The future perfect tense describes an event that will occur before another in the future. You can identify future perfect tense verbs because they’ll use the phrase, will have with a past participle.

Example 3: When I finally visit Japan, I will have traveled to every country.

Progressive Verb Tenses

If you want to signify something that is ongoing or discuss two events that overlapped in time, then the progressive verb tense is the best option to use. Both in writing and conversation, progressive forms help to show the duration of an event rather than just stating that it occurs, occurred, or will occur.

Present Progressive Tense - Definition & Examples

Often times, it’s useful to explain that an occurrence is happening at the same time of your explanation or writing. In English, the verb tense you would use to show that an action is happening at the same time of the explanation is called the present progressive form. Typically, speakers and writers use a verb ending in -ing alongside am, is, or are to create a present progressive form.

Example 1: The students are studying for their exams for the next few weeks.

Example 2: The children are eating their breakfast before our hike today.

Example 3: I am finding a way to go to the festival this year!

Past Progressive Tense - Definition & Example

Aside from using a progressive verb tense to show that an event is occurring at the time of the statement, they’re also used when talking about events that happened in the past. A past progressive tense can be used to show an action that was happening at the same time as another in the past. These past tense progressive verbs are typically used with was or were and also end in -ing.

Example 1: Our friends were eating breakfast at our house when we got the news our family just landed in Chicago for a surprise visit.

Example 2: I was sitting in the lobby when the clock struck midnight.

Future Progressive Tense - Definition & Example

Like the other forms, the future progressive tense also uses verbs that end in -ing along with will be/shall be, and am/is/are + going to be. This tense is most commonly used in conversation and when writing to describe a future event that will be ongoing.

Example 1: My friends will be spending some time with us next Saturday.

Example 2: I am going to be waiting for you in the lobby of the hotel.

Perfect Progressive Forms

Aside from showing an event at a certain period of time or the relationship between two past or future events, there is one more option you have when discussing the time between events. A perfect progressive form allows you to explain an event that happened in the past, is occurring in the present, and may occur in the future. In other words, you can use this when trying to explain a project you started last week but you won’t finish until the next.

Present Perfect Progressive Tense - Definition & Examples

When making project updates, or trying to explain when you’re going on vacation, you might need to use the present perfect progressive tense. This verb tense describes an event or action that started in the past, continues in the present, and may continue into the future. This form is created by using has or have been and a verb ending in -ing.

Example 1: For the past two weeks, the team members have been debating who will be the next team campaign leader.

Past Perfect Progressive Tense - Definition & Examples

If you’d like to communicate with depth, then you can use the past perfect progressive tense. Trust me, it sounds more complicated than it is in practice. Put simply, this verb tense gives you the ability to talk about a past action that was ongoing and completed before another past action occurred.

Example 1: We had been baking for the holidays when we heard our friends knock at the door.

Future Perfect Progressive Tense - Definition & Examples

Especially when talking business, the future perfect progressive tense is helpful for communicating with others. If you need to explain the expectations one or two quarters out, then you can do so by communicating or writing with this verb tense. The future perfect progressive tense describes an event in the future that is ongoing, but occurs before an arbitrarily specified time. You can create this form by using will have been and a verb ending in -ing.

Examples: By the end of the century, we will have been using the internet for over forty years.

There you go — now that you know the different types and forms of verb tenses you can start to practice communicating about time with people. Challenge yourself with one of these verb tenses a week to try to improve your fluency. At the end of the week, write down the different phrases you used and keep an ongoing journal to commit them to memory.

[canmom]

Toku Tuesday 44: Yorgos Lanthimos

Hi friends, happy Tuesday! Today we’re going to Greece, to find out about the films of Yorgos Lanthimos...

This rec comes, as often is the case, courtesy of the ever wonderful @velocityvsreality​! Lanthimos is, so far as i can discern, director specialising in incisive, darkly comic psychological dramas revolving around deeply fucked abusive family dynamics. I’m ashamed to say he’s mostly flown under my radar. And indeed it seems the radar of a lot of people who aren’t either Greek or big into arthouse films, until he hit big English-language success in 2018 with The Favourite.

Look, here’s a guy tied to a chair!

It honestly feels like a bit of a farce to keep ‘introducing’ someone whose films I’m not really familiar with, but since that’s never stopped me before, let’s see what we can find out...

A Hollywood Insider article by Bilgesu Sisman about Lanthimos’s early films describes his hallmarks thus:

black humor, exaggerated premises, “quirky” characters and reflections on dynamics of power. (...) full of absurdism, deadpan and physicality

and they ascribe to him:

an approach to the study of power that is non-psychological, in order to put emphasis on the mechanistic nature of the relations of authority, control and obedience in contemporary Western society. Furthermore, the fuel that feeds this social machine is not only violence, but also the desire for affection, intimacy and care.

I asked Alex how he might compare with Bong Joon-ho, and she scratched her head and said it was an interesting comparison; perhaps Lanthimos’s works tends to have more surrealism, more theatrical in some ways, with less of an emphasis on lush imagery, but definitely has more in common with SE Asian and especially Korean directors than the majority of ‘extreme’ Western directors, particularly in the focus on social injustice and power relations throughout his works.

So where’d he come from? Lanthimos was born in ‘73 in Athens and raised mostly by his mother, since his dad was a professional basketball player. He studied business at uni and played basketball for a bit himself for the same team; eventually he went back to school to study film directing and got involved in ads, music videos and experimental theatre throughout the 90s. He even helped direct the Greek Olympic ceremony in 2004.

The jump to film happened in 2001, with co-directing My Best Friend alongside Lakis Lazopoulos, a comedy film that seems to have been successful in Greece but not enough interest on Wikipedia to even merit a plot summary. The first film to really adopt his definitive interests though was Kinetta (2005), in which a plainclothes cop directs a pair of civilians through performing reenactments of a series of brutal crimes. The premise certainly reminds me of Ōshima’s Death By Hanging, although in this case the motive for reenactment appears to be purely the gratification of the cop. Sisman’s essay states:

Marionettes also bleed. The reenactments our characters take part in are not sterile role-plays and, as we have already intuited, the motivation behind them doesn’t seem to be merely aesthetic. They are experiments in compliance, as the cop tests how far his true-crime fictions (and fantasies) can be actualized through the performance of his actors. He himself acts as the director, but what he effectively carries out (and it is unlikely that he’s not conscious of this himself) is exploitation, abuse and hurt.

(...)

[regarding why the characters continue to participate in this] On the other hand, since this need for belonging is tied to the very conditions that violate, one cannot reject these conditions without simultaneously rejecting the promise of that something more – call it love, desire for affection or intimacy. This is the thing that makes our characters so open to, and almost willfully accept, any manipulation, exploitation and abuse they endure at the hands of authority. Fantasies of violence present themselves as the only form of intimacy, as the only language that is graspable. We are always learning, rehearsing, waiting, and getting ready to suffer and perhaps later, make others suffer, which might be the only gateway to human connection. 

Quite a complex statement for even such an early film, and something he’d continue to explore with greater complexity throughout the many later films. I’ll probably screen Kinetta at some point, so let’s save more words about it to then.

So four years later comes Dogtooth (2009), which was the breakout hit that put Lanthimos on the scene. The story concerns a cult-like family with a father who keeps his two daughters and one son in a state of ignorance about the outside world. The daughters - whose age is unclear - play painful endurance games to satisfy their boredom. The bubble is interrupted by the invitation of a security guard, Christina, to come and fuck son; this precipitates a whole series of dominos falling resulting in the exposure to outside films and incestuous acts between the daughters; when the father finds out about this corrupting influence causing one of the daughters to act out scenes from the films, he decides to keep it in the family even more and force his children to fuck each other instead.

All of this is treated, apparently, very dispassionately. Sisman says:

Lanthimos questions the rituals and practices through which we “learn” to become human and be part of society, and how the rules of that game are dictated by those that we depend on for protection, security and acceptance. The school of civilization is one of blood and pain, and themes of schooling and discipline will be repeated later in Alps, The Lobster and The Favourite. The house which is the primary setting for the story, instead of being a space of intimacy and privacy, is one of confinement. The residents of the house do not enjoy a spontaneous ease of inclusion – they must compete for it and prove themselves worthy, even if that means hurting each other. Lanthimos’ clinical regard extends to all functions: even with sex, it’s less of an animal urge than another chore that needs to be handled, a necessary habit that needs to be ingrained just like brushing one’s teeth before bed. That is why for the father, incest is not a violated taboo, but the side product of an assigned task that needs to get completed. 

She reads this as taking a more Pavlovian, behaviourist view than a Freudian one; putting behaviour as primary rather than internality, “while at the same time challenging the deterministic conclusions of behaviorism”. In her account, Lanthimos is constantly talking about the process of socialisation:

All interiority – all personality one might even say – is the product of a very mechanical process of learning through copying. In Lanthimos’ worlds, the protagonists are all children, at most, adolescents, but never adults. Adults, the “fully” realized humans (in Dogtooth, The Lobster, or The Favourite) are agents of control and violence.

(...) This [choice of ‘anti-psychological’ character development] enables us as viewers to reflect not on an unchanging, static human nature, but on the social, political and economic undercurrents of the civilizing process.

I’m actually going to skip forward a great deal here, and pass over Sisman’s analysis of The Alps, which concerns a group of care workers who attempt to roleplay a deceased person to help the grieving (which makes me think of Hal which we watched a couple of weeks ago on Animation Night, but without the scifi angle and a very different affective approach).

From 2015 onwards, Lanthimos switched to directing films primarily in English, starting with The Lobster and soon followed by The Killing of a Sacred Deer in 2017.

The Lobster takes things in an even more surreal dark comedy direction, featuring a man who is taken to a hotel where single people have 45 days to find a relationship or else they’ll be transformed into an animal. He attempts to form a series of relationships, in each case harming himself for the sake of appealing to the partner in question: a woman who has frequent nosebleeds, a sadist... eventually he escapes to the society of single people who live in the woods, where relationships receive corporal punishment, and the conflict escalates. It sounds like an absolutely wild ride and I definitely want to check it out in one of these weeks.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer takes inspiration from an ancient Greek tragedy, centring on a heart surgeon, Steven, with a fetish for general anaesthesia. He meets a young man called Martin whose father died, supposedly, in a car accident. The two families become involved, and the increasingly creepy Martin reveals that his father actually died under Steven’s knife, and now Steven and his family are cursed: if he doesn’t kill one of his family to balance the killing of Martin’s father, his wife and two children will gradually die a grisly death, akin to the original divine punishment. And none of Steven’s efforts, even torturing Martin, can dispel it.

This all takes place in a cold, sterile environment shot with, it seems, geometric precision. Reviews praise the creepy coldness of the acting, for both the surgeon’s family and Martin - continuing that theme. Both of these films sound fascinating, and I can’t wait to figure out more to say about them, but alas I only have time for one tonight, and since I have a rec it’s gonna be Sacred Deer.

Finally we come to the recent big hit, The Favourite (2018). Lanthimos wrote basically all his films from Dogtooth on, but this time he’s adapting an existing script, by Deborah Davis, who had been waiting for 20 years to get it made. It’s a film about the lesbian relationships of Queen Anne with two women, Sarah Churchill and Abigail Masham vying for favour in her court; naturally that has all the fucked-up power dynamics you could hope for. Alex gave me a delightful description: “it is both legit gay but also actually concerned w women as wielders of power and moral actors in a rly dark way, while also having a lot of funny wig business”.

Since we’re hitting historical territory here, let me try and set the scene a little. Queen Anne ruled England, and from 1707 also Scotland, from 1702 until her death from health issues in 1714. So we’re talking early modern period: we’re in the middle of the Enclosures where common land was made private, laying the groundwork for the rise of capitalism by tearing peasants from the land; we’re talking colonialism, with British colonies over most of the East coast of North Americas extending well into the inland, with ongoing abduction and enslavement from Africa to fuel the rapid economic expansion - notably therefore also the period of one of the major economic bubbles, the South Sea Bubble insider-trading scam, which I wrote about here in an article about Baru Cormorant. It is also therefore the period of Isaac Newton (who was knighted by Queen Anne) and major transformations in science as natural philosophers got to grips with storing the mysterious static ‘electricity’.

All in all, the seeds of the capitalist world system were being laid.

By this point in British history, the power of the monarchy vs Parliament had been severely reduced in the aftermath of the wars with Cromwell in the previous century (see Animation Night 49), but was still significant; Queen Anne could lend her favour to politicians in parliament, . The European wars of religion had mostly been settled in the previous century, with the Treaty of Westphalia in 1648 later being labelled as the first articulation of the modern notion of national sovereignty, although it seems this is now disputed by historians. But a few wars continued to burn on the mainland.

So what was political life like in the country at this time? You had two parties, the Tories (landowning scum) and Whigs (capitalist scum). Anne favoured the Tories, and moves in the game included an attempt to ban anyone from public office who did not participate only in Anglican religious rituals, which would suppress the Nonconformist Protestants among the Whigs. Through the whole of Anne’s reign, England was fighting the very expensive War of Spanish Succession, fighting other European powers (notably France) over carving up Spain’s massive empire, which became increasingly unpopular as it dragged on and drained more of the kingdom’s finances.

All of this is just background though for a film that focuses primarily on the dynamics between three women. Sarah Churchill, the queen’s confidante and lover (and also ancestor of Winston Churchill!), effectively rules the country, but the relationship is disrupted when a disgraced noble Abigail Masham, now working as a maid, arrives on the scene and finds her way into Anne’s affections by treating her pain. The two women fight bitterly to win the Queen’s favour and the power that comes with it, with all sorts of nasty skulduggery.

Wikipedia has some fascinating anecdotes about the production, such as Lanthimos getting the actors to rehearse their lines while hopping about and writhing on the floor, using wide-angle lenses to make the characters tiny in the vast palatial surroundings, and putting the male characters rather than the women in elaborate makeup.

So yeah, naturally as the film that got a bunch of awards and involved some big name actors, this gets the lion’s share of writing and I don’t want to just copy all of that out. Still, I’m definitely very excited to see it - it really isn’t every day you get a lesbian period drama of this sort lol and I totally failed to notice back when it came out ><

What I’m hoping then is that by taking a sort of three point cross-section through Lanthimos’s works we can get a pretty good impression of his evolving themes and preoccupations, and also likely see some really great films (Alex called Dogtooth (paraphrasing) the definitive work on abusive cult-like household shit, but also very upsetting by the same token). As such here’s our plan for tonight: Dogtooth, Killing of a Sacred Deer, and The Favourite. And if we find these vibe, we’ll definitely come back and hit some more from him later!

Toku Tuesday should begin in about an hour, at 7pm UK time, although that depends when I get back from the shops haha. See you then at twitch.tv/canmom <3