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rogertaylorstories · 5 years ago

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Tomboy Troubles

Everyone at school thinks that you are a boy, but you are Clare Taylors Best Friend and roger Taylor’s best friend until you moved she didn’t have anyone to go to prom with, and you being older by a few years had nothing to do on a Friday night so you decide to go with Clare. But what happens when you have to meet the Taylor family out of tradition? And show them that you are worthy of taking Clare? (imagine that you have short shaved hair, (Like Ben Hardy’s For example at the Oscars.) or any boy-ish looking haircut for this story to work)

You were the person who moved in next door to the Taylors. You came from America and your parents were both business people. You had no siblings and it sucked. Your mother always wanted a daughter, and your father always wanted a Son. You were never around your mum as much as your dad. You and your dad would fix the car on days off, and teach you how to fight for self-defence he said that you could have the car, If you could fix it. You ended up doing more things that a boy would do instead of a girl. All the kids that were on your street were girls. What they wished for was being a princess and going to meet prince charming and that they were better than everyone else. But no, your dream was to be either in a band, or a race car driver. Maybe a professional skate boarder you said, or a bmx bike rider but you didn’t really care.

You were riding your bmx bike down a street one day, and you heard yelling. You were in your usual baggy t-shirt and a shorts with high top shoes. When you were getting closer, you saw that it was a fight. You being, 8 or whatever you thought that it would be a good idea to go have a look. You biked over and you saw a blonde kid getting kicked up on the floor. They were calling him names, and they wouldn’t stop hitting him. You walked over after putting your bike down and walked over to them. “What do you think your doing?” you say as you pushed the person against the wall. They wouldn’t give you an answer so you threw him against the wall a little bit harder. He said something along the lines of ‘Because he is different and he sucked at soccer.’ You beat all of them up and walked over to the blonde on the floor. “Hi love are you alright?” you ask as you put your hand on his head. He said, “it all hurts, my body hurts.” He said as he started to cry. You then picked him up and started walking to your BMX bike. You but him on the seat while you stood up and started to pedal down a hill. He started screaming while you started to laugh as you went through all the streets until you got to the shops.

“Come with me kid.” You say as you walked into the shop and to the counter where your mother worked part time for more money. “Hey mum.” You say as you walked over to her. “Hey sweetie what happened?” she asked as she saw the blood on your shirt. You helped roger walk over to the counter as he was limping down one isle. “Yeah my friend.” “roger.” He interrupted. “Yeah, my friend roger got hurt and I thought that you could help.” You say as you help roger walk around to the back of the counter so your mum could take a look. “Yeah he is pretty bad, maybe some cream for the bruises and you just need to rest buddy.” She said as she petted his head. You nodded and helped roger back to the bike. You took roger home and that is where it started.

Your friendship blossomed and you were connected at the hip. You were the one that turned Roger Taylor bad. He was that good student at school, but you liked to mess around. You would prank the teachers, get into fights with other people and wouldn’t give a dam. You were a straight A and B student and you would love to play sports. But the day came when you had to go. You were 16 and roger was 15. You said that you would get a tattoo, to remember each other. On your wrist you had Forever is our today and Roger Taylor in cursive writing on your other one. On rogers he had who waits forever anyway? And your name in cursive writing in the other one. When you were leaving you kissed roger on the lips and said, “If I come back, say we will meet with each other or something?” you say. He nodded and said “I love you.” and you said “I love you too.” You then walked to the car and you never looked back, never laughed, never cried.

You are now 22 Walking around at the back of the school/uni wearing a black hoodie and skinny black jeans is what you did every day after school while waiting for Clare. Wearing sunglasses was your choice and when you would smoke girls would look at you wishing that they could have a date. They would ask Clare every time if you guys were together, or if you guys were dating, but all you wanted to be was alone. You didn’t want or need anybody, or that is what you say to yourself because no boy would come up to you and ask you out because you are a ‘boy’ in their eyes. You were good at nearly any sport, and you didn’t give a shit if you break a nail, or if you got dirty. You would stand up for Clare when she couldn’t, and you protected other people when they couldn’t either.

You got snapped out of your thoughts when Clare came running up to you. “Y/N! hi” she yelled as she was nearly next to you. “Sup Clare how are ya?” you say as you keep walking with Clare. “Well the good news is that Prom is on Friday!” she said. “And…” you say sarcastically. “And I don’t have a date.” She said. “No one wants to go with me Y/N and I don’t know what to do!” she said as she was looking at the ground. Until her head shot up, “You could go with me!” she said as she turned to you as you blew the smoke out of your mouth. “What?” you say as you give her a serious look. “Yeah you could go with me! Everybody thinks that you are a boy anyway so why would this be any different?” she said. “everyone thinks that I am a boy, because I wear skinny jeans, and boy clothes all of the time.” You said while you grew nearer to her house. “Yeah but still please!” she said as you got to the front of her house. “Bye Clare, I hope you can find a date love. Bye” you say as you wave to her. “Bye” she said to you as she hugs you. You blew out some more smoke and put the cigarette out with the bottom of your heel. And you walked back to your house.

Every time you would go to uni, the girls that were younger than you we would ask you out to prom, but you said no you are not going. When class is over you go to the fence where you normally go. You pull out a cigarette and light it with you lighter. Then you see someone walking over to you. He had Black hair and he wore the most outrages of outfits. But you didn’t mind. “can I have one Darling?” he asks you as he walks and stands next to you. “Sure thing mate.” You answer as you gave him one. “Are you going to the prom?” he looks at you. “No mate, I’m not. But all of these girls keep wanting to go with me I don’t get it!” you say as you put out your cigarette. “Maybe they find you as an attractive man?” he said as he there away his cigarette. The word ‘Man’ but I’m a woman. “Well what if I told you that I wasn’t a boy? That I was a girl?” you say. “I would say your crazy darling! But who am I to judge?” he said as he started to walk back to his locker.

Friday Night

Friday came along too quickly. Clare said that she doesn’t have a date yet, but she is still going to go, because she doesn’t want to be that person that didn’t go. She said for you to have a good night and that you guys would catch up on the weekend. You got home and lay on the balcony. Your parents are never home, them both business people and going to different parts if the country for work and on business trips. You blew the smoke out of your cigarette, and you looked at the time. You realised that you didn’t have anything to do that night. You knew that Clare wouldn’t have left for prom yet. You walk to you dresser and pull out a suit, you have your ray bans as well. You think to yourself that you clean up pretty well.

What you look like LOL WE ALL LOVE BEN

You go to your garage and pull out your Black Ford Mustang 68. You hop in and drive over to Clare’s house. Clare said that if you are going to be her date you have to have something in common with her brother, so you just threw a pair of Drumsticks in your pocket. You pull up out of the front of her house and you see a green looking mini in the drive way. Must be her brothers you say to yourself. You get out of the car, and you walk up the steps to her house. With some roses in your hand and your sunglasses still on your face you knock on the door. You wait a moment until an older lady comes and answers the door. “Yes can I help you?” she asks kindly. “Yes I’m here to pick up Clare for Prom?” you ask. “Oh Yes but Clare didn’t say anything about someone picking her up?” she said. “Yes, it was a last minute sort of thing.” You said really convincingly. She looked at you for a moment and yelled. “Clare there is someone at the door!” and you hear patter feet down the hallway. “Yes who is it?” she said and looked at you. “Surprise?” you say as you hand her the roses. Your drumsticks sticking out of the back pocket of your pants. “Thankyou!” she said as she hugged you. You even put more effort and put on some boy perfume to make it more convincing. Then a boy with long blonde hair walked down the corridor. “Who are you?” he asked as he looked at you. “I’m Clare’s date.” You say in a duh tone. You see her looking at you while you take her hand and kiss it. She giggled playing along. “Bye now.” You say as you two walked to the car. You thought that he looked familiar but you couldn’t say who he was. You didn’t mind though, you opened up the car door for Clare while she hopped in. You closed her door, and went around and opened your door and got in. Before you could, you could still see the outline of Clare’s brother. Leaning up against the door frame, smoking a cigarette you could see the light of the cigarette light up his face every time. Next you get in the car and start the engine.

When you get to the place, you help Clare out of the car and link your arm in hers. You are walking into the Gym and walk through where you get you couple Photos. You keep your sunglasses on as you two pose for the photo. You guys walk into the gym and you guys are met with The Beatles and a lot of people dancing. You take Clare’s hand and lead her to the dancefloor. You are suddenly dancing and you look around. People making out in the bathrooms, people putting liquor in the punch bowls and all the other lonely people that don’t have a date, that would of been Clare, but being the person that I am, I couldn’t do that to her. You were currently dancing with Clare, when they were going to announce the Prom King And Queen. Yay! I cant wait to find out who they are.

“ok guys welcome to Prom! Now we are going to announce our prom King and Queen! Now our Prom Queen is….” Clare shoved you and you just laughed, “Clare Taylor!” “and the Prom King is…..” you just looked at Clare as they put the little crown on her head. Then the Prom King was announced and they had a little dance. You didn’t care, so you sat on a chair near the back of the dance floor and took a smoke. You looked at your tattoo and ran your hand over the top of the writing. You remembered the time when you first taught roger to smoke, You were around 14 years of age and that made his 13. You chuckled remembering the memory.

Now you were at school, and Roger walks into the classroom and sits next to you. The class was over and the day was aswell. You were in the thetre room and you were just watching something about UK history. You pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. You inhaled and blew the smoke in the air. “Are you even allowed to do that?” roger asked you a he was watching you curiously. “Yeah the smoke alarm doesn’t work and so it doesn’t pick up the smoke.” You say as you blow out more smoke. You smiled at roger and looked at him, “what have you never smoked before?” you say as you run a hand through your hair. “No never been allowed to. My father always did, but I could never, I never tried.” He said as he looked at you. You then stood up and walked behind him. You put a cigarette in his mouth, and told him to hold it. You them flicked on the lighter and lit it up. “Now inhale it a bite and then blow it out.” You say as you just look at him. He inhales and then starts to cough. “Don’t worry, it happens to everyone on their first time.” You say as roger keeps going. You laugh as you keep going.

#roger taylor imagine #roger taylor

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rogertaylorislife · 5 years ago

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Tomboy Troubles Roger Taylor AU

Just a roger taylor imagine that i wrote nothing big but yeah

Everyone at school thinks that you are a boy, but you are Clare Taylors Best Friend and roger Taylor’s best friend until you moved. Clare didn’t have anyone to go to prom with, and you being older by a few years had nothing to do on a Friday night so you decide to go with Clare. But when you meet Roger after you come back, he had changed For better or for worse? (imagine that you have short shaved hair, (Like Ben Hardy’s For example at the Oscars.) or any boy-ish looking haircut for this story to work)

You were riding your bmx bike down a street one day, and you heard yelling. You were in your usual baggy t-shirt and a shorts with high top shoes. When you were getting closer, you saw that it was a fight. You being, 8 or whatever you thought that it would be a good idea to go have a look. You biked over and you saw a blonde kid getting kicked up on the floor. They were calling him names, and they wouldn’t stop hitting him. You walked over after putting your bike down and walked over to them. “What do you think your doing?” you say as you pushed the person against the wall. They wouldn’t give you an answer so you threw him against the wall a little bit harder “Talk short stack before you cant ask me to stop.”. He said something along the lines of ‘Because he is different and he sucked at soccer.’ You beat all of them up and walked over to the blonde on the floor. “Hi love you alright? You look like Rocky Balboa after he fought Ivan Drago!” you said as you put your hand on his head. He said, “it all hurts, my body hurts.” He said as he started to cry. You then picked him up and started walking to your BMX bike. You put him on the seat while you stood up and started to pedal down a hill. He started screaming while you started to laugh as you went through all the streets until you got to the shops.

Your friendship blossomed and you were connected at the hip. You were the one that turned Roger Taylor bad. He was that good student at school, but you liked to mess around. You would prank the teachers, get into fights with other people and wouldn’t give a dam. You were a straight A and B student and you would love to play sports. But the day came when you had to go. You were 16 and roger was 15. You said that you would get a tattoo, to remember each other. On your wrist you had Forever is our today and Roger Taylor in cursive writing on your other one. On rogers he had who waits forever anyway? And your name in cursive writing in the other one. When you were leaving you kissed roger on the lips and said, “By my little Rocky, we will meet again yes? And if we don’t I will kick your arse when we die, be we will never break the chain right?” you say as you put a silver around his neck you have one exactly like it with your names carved in. He nodded and said “I love you.” and you said “I love you too.” You then walked to the car and you never looked back, never feared, never cried.

Friday Night

Friday came along too quickly. Clare said that she doesn’t have a date yet, but she is still going to go, because she doesn’t want to be that person that didn’t go. She said for you to have a good night and that you guys would catch up on the weekend. You got home and lay on the balcony. Your parents are never home, them both business people and going to different parts if the country for work and on business trips. You blew the smoke out of your cigarette, and you looked at the time. You realised that you didn’t have anything to do that night. You knew that Clare wouldn’t have left for prom yet. You walk to your dresser and pull out a suit, you have your ray bans as well. You think to yourself that you clean up pretty well.

What you look like LOL WE ALL LOVE BEN

Now you were at school, and Roger walks into the classroom and sits next to you. The class was over and the day was as well. You were in the theatre room and you were just watching something about UK history. You pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. You inhaled and blew the smoke in the air. “Are you even allowed to do that?” roger asked you a he was watching you curiously. “Yeah the smoke alarm doesn’t work and so it doesn’t pick up the smoke.” You say as you blow out more smoke. You smiled at roger and looked at him, “what have you never smoked before?” you say as you run a hand through your hair. “No never been allowed to. My father always did, but I could never, I never tried.” He said as he looked at you. You then stood up and walked behind him. You put a cigarette in his mouth, and told him to hold it. You them flicked on the lighter and lit it up. “Now inhale it a bit and then blow it out.” You say as you just look at him. He inhales and then starts to cough. “Don’t worry, it happens to everyone on their first time.” You say as roger keeps going. You laugh as you keep going. And now you laugh as you remember the memory.

By the end of prom Clare soon found out that they put liquor in the Punch bowl. She came walking over to you with her small crown falling off her head a bit and her uneasy on her two feet. “Enjoying yourself Clare?” you say as you look at her. “Can we go home now?” she said as she grabbed onto your jacket. You quickly jumped out of the way to grab her as she nearly fell over. You walked with her hand in hand to your car. You helped her in and you drove her back to her house. When you pulled up to her driveway you looked and saw that none of the lights were on. They all went to sleep. You took your jacket off and checked everywhere for a spare key but they didn’t have one. You jump their fence and look around the back for some kind of opening. You see that someone left their window open so you went back to get Clare.

Once you got Clare you threw yourself over the fence and with your legs either side of the fence you grabbed onto Clare’s arms and lifted her up and over the fence. You laugh as she nearly falls over. You carry her Bridal style over to where you could see to climb up on the house. You saw a few drain pipes, they had a little veranda out the back so maybe something there. You see that there is a wood looking frame, so that was your best option. With Clare drifting to sleep on your back you wake her up and say, “Clare we are nearly there I need your help love to get up.” So you put her on your back as you make your way up the wooden frame, and onto the roof. Once you got to the window you saw that there was someone in there, they had a drum kit and a lot of posters. ‘Must be her brothers room’ You think to yourself. You pulled Clare through the window, and quietly walked over the carpet to the door. It had a British flag on the back and you chuckle to yourself. You open the door quietly and see someone walking across the hallway. You freeze. He had long hair, by the outline. But he walked straight past you as it was dark and walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

“Clare where is your room?” You whisper as she wakes up. She points to one down next to her brother’s room. You walk her in as she undresses and puts on her pyjamas. You sat her on the bed as you took her hair out and brushed a brush through so it wouldn’t be hard to brush in the morning. You lay her down on her bed as she grabbed your wrist as you were walking away. You turned around and you looked at her. “Sing me a song?” She said as you turned around. You nodded and walked over to where she was. You sat on the bed and began to sing

Time Of your Life Green Day

You got up when you saw that she was asleep. You then started to walk to where her brothers room is. You open the door and you see no one is in there. You walk through and you see that the window is locked. Dam. You look around and you see Clare’s brother walk into the Room. You rush behind his bed and you duck down. You hope he doesn’t see you. Then you see he has a gap underneath his bed. You haven’t done this in a while but you slipped underneath the bed. You were met, with records, you lay in a pair of drumsticks, and a pack of cigarettes, you just slipped those in your back pocket. You saw feet walk over to the edge of the bed, you hear some noises and then you see the person’s pants fall to the floor, must be getting ready for bed you think to yourself.

Then you see him walk over to the dresser and you think is he going to open the window? You look and see him open the window and walk back out of his room. You then make your move and jump out of the window. You made a loud noise but you slid off the roof and walked to where their back gate was. You threw yourself over the top and walked to your car. You jumped in and started the engine. You drove off and back to your house. When you got home, you walked upstairs into your room. You walked in and went over to your dresser. You took your suit off and slipped on your pyjamas. Then you slipped into bed, but felt something poke into your back. You sat up and looked at the photo on your bed. You turned your room lamp on and took a look. It was a photo of you and roger when he was 15. You laughed and placed it back on your drawer. You looked up at the sky and fell asleep.

When you woke up, you had breakfast and threw on your normal black hoodie and a pair of Black Jeans. You went to you garage where you had your BMX bike kept. You pulled it out and threw a cap on backwards as your helmet. You rode out of your garage and went rode down your street. You saw that they had a skate park so you were going to go down there and see how good these kids really are. You keep your hood up and you ride into the park. You ride over to the halfpipe is. You go up all the steps and you kick off. Your just doing simple turns and a few turns. You then go onto some of the jump while you then start hearing clapping. You look up and it is a blonde kid with long hair, maybe down to his shoulder blades? And he looked at you. “Wow good skills kid.” He said as he approached you while his friends were standing behind him. “Really? Wow never got congratulated before.” You say sarcastically wanting to drop this conversation. “Yeah so what are you doing at our skate park? Aren’t you a city kid? We don’t like city kids.” He said as his friend stood around you. “So what are you gonna do about it huh?” You say as you look him in the eyes. “I don’t know maybe a little lesson so you don’t come back.” He said as his friends push you over. You then got kicked in the face he came at it again, and you grabbed his leg. You pull it hard at yourself and he goes flying over. His friends then proceed to kick and punch you. You are now on the floor. Only if they saw you as a girl, they wouldn’t do this to you. The blonde kid then makes his friends pick you up, underneath the underarms and lift you up to face him. They take off your hoodie as you look at him dead in the eye.

You then proceed to say, “What is your name?” you say as you spit some blood out of your mouth. “Roger.” He said. “Roger who?” you say and his friends start to laugh. “Roger Taylor.” Then it finally clicks. The person in front of you is Roger Taylor, your childhood friend and boyfriend when you were 16. You look at him and he looks you in the eyes. “Now I’m gonna make a mark that you would never forget.” He said as you brings a pocket knife out of his pocket. His friends throw you to the floor, while you hit your head. You stand up and his friends form a circle around of you two. They wanted you to fight. Yay!

Roger was never good at fighting, when he fought you he never won. “are you sure you want to do this roger?” you say as you look at him in the eye. “Done it thousands of times.” He leans on his right leg more so he is most likely going to use his right for everything. Make his left hurt. He came at you with the knife as you ducked and sent his doubling over and face to the floor. He got back up and he sliced your arm with the knife. He then proceeded to try and punch your head, but you hit the knife out of his hands and sliced the inside of his thigh.

You then grabbed the knife as you jumped back on him and smacked him In his left rib. He ends up hitting you while you just keep hitting him. You feel his punches getting weaker and his face being more pale. You saw more blood come out of his nose while his hands are up trying to defend himself from getting more hurt. You stand up while he tries to grab your leg you just kick him harder so he went flying back to the ground. You didn’t mean to do this to your best friend but he tried to hurt you first, all out of self-defence.

His friends fled while he was just left lying on the ground helpless. You looked at him, he had hurt on his feature, blood on his face and his eyes were closed. He looked like a beaten angel. You picked him up while you biked to the shop. He woke up while you were riding down a hill, but this time he just looked up at you. You put your hoodie on him, because he was just wearing a white T-shirt. You pulled the hood over his head, and you pulled around the corner. Roger looked at what you were doing and he saw your wrists. Then Roger had flashbacks to when you guys were kids.

After I got hurt, I looked up and I thought I saw an angel, she asked me if I was alright I said yeah and she picked me up. I looked up at the sky and I saw her look down at me. Then my eyes fluttered closed and I fell into a deep sleep. When I awoke I was in someone’s chest and it smelt like male perfume. I looked up and it was the angel that saved me. We were speeding down a hill and out of memory I screamed when I felt myself tilting downward and the wind flying past me faster than ever. When I looked at the girl her hair was being pushed back by the wind. And showing all her facial features. I knew I fell in love with her then.

“Is that you y/n?” roger said in a whisper that nearly no one could hear. “Yes I’m here mate? You got beaten pretty bad how you holding up?” you say as you speed down another hill. You then stroke your hand though his hair and laughed at how cute he looked in your black hoodie. “What happened? How are you here?” Roger said as you turned another corner. “well let’s just say you tried to fight me and failed and I moved back here a few months ago, and I never saw you around so yeah.” You say as you stop at the shop. “Isn’t this the shop where your mum used to work at?” roger said coughing a bit out of pain. “Yeah It was, are you alright what hurts?” you say as you walk down an isle. “Everything.” He said grabbing onto you with every step he took. You went and grabbed some bandages, disinfected and some patches. You went up to the counter and also brought a backpack and a pack of gum. You threw it all on the counter and you pull out some money.

You pay for the stuff and help Roger out of the shop. “I can’t go back to my house looking like this, if my mum sees me like this she will make me go through x-rays for a whole week!” roger said as he grabbed onto you more. “Yeah that sounds like your mum. Did Clare go to Prom?” you ask as you sat roger down on your lap on the bike. “Yeah she did, she went with this guy I didn’t catch his name but she seemed happy.” You just laughed as roger held onto you for dear life. He was so precious. You got back to your house as roger nearly fell asleep. You picked him up bridal style as you brought him into the house. You opened up the door and you lay him on the couch. You woke him up and started to treat his well cuts. You took off his shirt and you caught roger looking. You flashed him a smile while his cheeks flushed Red. You laughed and hit his chest playfully but started to instantly apologize as he started to weez.

Once you cleaned roger up you walked back into the living room and found him snuggled into the couch, and searching for warmth as he looked cold. You went over to the couch and when you sat down, roger instantly snuggled into you. You chuckle and look down at him. He opens his eyes and looks at you. “I love you.” Roger said as he put his face in your neck. “I love you too love.” You say as you hold him in your arms.

#roger taylor imagine #rogertaylor #Roger Taylor #Roger Taylor Tomboy Troubles #Roger Taylor Tomboy #Roger Meadows Taylor

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legendaryenemyvoid · 4 years ago

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65 Questions i’m not used to

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Yes all the time

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 1

3. The person you would never want to meet? The devil himself

4. What is your favorite word? Imbecile

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Dark Elm

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? Why can’t people get along?

7. What shirt are you wearing? Dark blue and white plaid shirt.

8. What do you label yourself as? Stubborn and impatient

9. Bright room or dark room? Dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Reading Witcher fanfiction on Wattpad

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? Eighteen

12. Who told you they loved you last? Both of my parents

13. Your worst enemy? Katriell Trippe

14. What is your current desktop picture? Drogon from Games of Thrones

15. Do you like someone? No

16. The last song you listened to? Heroes Rise by Tommee Profitt & Sam Tinnesz

17. You can press a button that will make anyone person explode. Who would you blow up? Katie Trippe

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Loki from Norse Mythology

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? James Norrington from Pirates of the Caribbean and he would take care of my cat.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) my auburn hair

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? I would still have my auburn hair but i would play video games all day.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Yes, and its my singing.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Poisonous spiders

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. I would have a BLT with American cheese.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? I would spend it on pop figures and leggings.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Dublin, Ireland

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Australian Cabernet Sauvignon.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Treat everyone equally

29. What is your favorite expletive? Shit

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? My bow and arrows

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Hyperventilating at my junior prom in high school.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Copenhagen, Denmark

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Queen Anne Boleyn of England

34. What was your last dream about? Falling into the everlasting ocean

35. Are you a good listener?

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yes

37. Have you ever built a snowman? yes

38. What is the color of your socks? Black and Emerald green

39. What type of music do you like? Classic rock and electropop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Cookies n cream

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) Minnesota Vikings

43. Do you have any scars? Yes from my cats

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? European History professor

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My eye color

46. Are you reliable? yes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Would you move to London or Boston?

48. Do you hold grudges? yes

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A lion and tiger because they are my two favorite big cats in the world.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? If i have slept with anyone. Which is a no.

51. Are you a good liar? yes

52. How long could you go without talking? About 1 hour or 2.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? I would say my worst hair cut would have been when i was about 5 i had to get my hair cut super short from having lice.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? yes

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? No but i want to learn how to speak a different language.

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and strawberry jam.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? A sword

58. What would be you dream car? A 1967 Chevrolet impala ( yes deans car from supernatural).

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Yes, and i sing to The band the score.

60. Do you believe in aliens? yes

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Yes because im a Capricorn and proud

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? H

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? I think dragons are way cooler than dinosaurs.

64. What do you think about babies? I think their super adorable and cute.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. What is your favorite type of elemental dragon (including fire, earth, metal, ice, water, or magic)?

#rainbowsociety

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jasonblossomsghost · 7 years ago

Note

Can we get 1-65 of that ask meme?

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?i doubt my existence more than i’ve ever doubted that of others

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?like a 4.5 tbh i hate the dark

3. The person you would never want to meet?donald trump

4. What is your favorite word?i love so many words!!! one i tend to use a lot in academic papers is “dichotomy”

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?i really love weeping willows

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?“god i’m so fucking tired”

7. What shirt are you wearing?a black and tan baseball tee

8. What do you label yourself as?bisexual, stupid, and a Disaster

9. Bright room or dark room?dark room. i get migraines lmao

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?doing my physics homework and talking on the phone w one of my best friends

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?18 has been pretty ok so far

12. Who told you they loved you last?the best friend from #10

13. Your worst enemy?i don’t really have any enemies

14. What is your current desktop picture?clouds

15. Do you like someone?idk???? perhaps????

16. The last song you listened to?I’ll Make Cereal - Cavetown

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?i can’t say. i think it counts as treason

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?my best friend’s ex-best friend

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?i don’t like the use of the word slave but also i like doing things for myself20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)honestly i don’t like any part of myself physically lmaooo

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?“opposite sex” implies there are only two genders and i identifty outside of the binary so i can’t answer this one lmaoo

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?i am completely talentless

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?killing bugs makes me cry

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.i can’t have bread or meat or dairy really so /:

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?probably finally order my prom dress

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?Seattle, Washington

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?“be nice to me”

29. What is your favorite expletive?i say fuck and shit a lot. probably fuck more tho

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?i think my experiences have made me who i am so i wouldn’t change anything

34. What was your last dream about?i have no idea. i think it was a nightmare that i repressed

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?am i a good friend? absolutely not but i try my best

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?yeah i was sick a lot as a kid and lived in the hospital for 2 months when i was born

37. Have you ever built a snowman?yeah of course

38. What is the color of your socks?black

39. What type of music do you like?everything!!!

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?sunrises. they’re more liminal

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?depends but chocolate is usually pretty nice

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)i’m gay

43. Do you have any scars?a ton

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?my ultimate goal is to be a lawyer

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?already answered but my bank account

46. Are you reliable?100% i’m a ride or die

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?are you happy?

48. Do you hold grudges?yeah

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?i don’t fuck w the laws of nature

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?i have a lot of conversations that are probably unusual

51. Are you a good liar?definitely

52. How long could you go without talking?my best friend likes to talk on the phone probably 4 hours a day so not long. if i didn’t have social obligations, probably like a week

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?9th grade’s was rough

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?yep

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?not well

56. What do you like on your toast?i can’t have bread rip

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?no idea

58. What would be you dream car?a tesla or another eco friendly car

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.no. i just shower lmao

60. Do you believe in aliens?yes!!!!!

61. Do you often read your horoscope?at least once a week

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?“u” ;);););)

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?i love dinosaurs

64. What do you think about babies?scared of them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.yes, i do suspect damian has murdered people

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cheapplussizelaceweddingdresses · 4 years ago

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They were both on the same continent ball gown @!^*flower girl dresses

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#flower girl dresses

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seriestrash · 7 years ago

Text

You Me Her

1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 || 11 || 12 || 13 || 14 || 15 || 16 || 17 ||

Chapter Eighteen: No Regrets

Word Count: 6283

↠ ♥ ↞

Riley awakes Sunday morning still in her prom dress. Sometime after Maya left the bay window, Riley had passed out on top of her bed covers. Sleepily she sits up and runs her fingers through her knotted hair, for a moment she forgot about her haircut and was surprised by how short it was. Riley gently rubs at her stinging eyes, they were sore from all her crying and from sleeping with her makeup on.

Riley fiddles with the tulle of her prom dress, a sadness lingering in her heart. Riley lets out a deep breath and silently ponders why exactly she’s upset. Was it because of Lucas, was it because of Maya or was it because of them both? Perhaps the most confusing thing of all was even though her heart hurt somehow Riley’s woken up feeling better.

Riley’s thoughts are interrupted when she hears the faint sound of her phone buzzing. Riley finds her clutch sitting on the dresser and nearly trips over her heels on the way over to it. Riley opens her phone to a text from Kai.

8:13am From: Kai 🎭💙

I know you want to be alone right now but Noah’s leaving again this afternoon. We’re having breakfast at the bakery if you want to come. Love you 💕

Riley quickly freshens up and changes her clothes before making her way downstairs where the rest of the Matthews are already sitting around the breakfast table. Topanga rises from her seat once she spots Riley.

“Riley, you’re leaving?” Topanga questions noticing Riley’s ready to go.

“Noah’s leaving this afternoon.” Riley explains. “I’m meeting up with him at the bakery.”

“Honey-” “I know, mom.” Riley cuts in knowing how much shutting her out last night must have played on her mind. “We can talk when I get back. Promise.” Riley hands her mom back the gold double heart necklace and quickly makes her way out the door.

When Riley arrives at the bakery she finds her friends sitting in their usual booth. Kai, Noah, Caitlin and Harper. Kai spots Riley first and excitedly waves her over. The boy in glasses pushes Noah further down their shared seat and makes room for Riley.

"You made it." Kai side hugs Riley as she sits.

"Yep." Riley shifts nervously in place.

There was an undeniable awkwardness in the air. Riley imagines Noah and Kai filled in Caitlin and Harper on the details of Riley’s exit from prom. The four of them were all unnaturally acting natural. Kai was definitely the worst, everyone else was just sheepish whereas Kai was excessively upbeat.

"So have you guys ordered?" Riley asks trying to play of the tension.

"Yes, I ordered your favourite just in case." Kai replies enthusiastically.

"Boo." Caitlin groans jokingly. "Now I don't get to eat your serving too."

Riley shares a soft giggle, it’s just like Caitlin to be the least shaken by boy drama but her playfulness earns her a mild glare from Kai.

Riley turns to face Kai with a coaxed head. "You can take the kid gloves off Kai, I’m okay."

"What are you talking about?" Kai laughs nervously.

"You tried." Noah pats Kai's shoulder before leaning forward to see Riley better "You promise you're okay, Sunshine? Because we're all here if you want to talk about it."

"I consider myself extremely lucky to have friends that care about me so much." Riley smiles sweetly. "So instead of pretending like nothing happened I will admit that prom didn't exactly play out the way I had imagined but after speaking with Maya I have woken up feeling better."

"I'm sorry talking with who?" Kai furrows his brows.

"I won't bore Caitlin with the details of my boy drama," Riley sends her girl friend a small smile hoping she doesn't take her lighthearted joke as her insinuating she doesn't care. Caitlin's wears her trademark crooked smirk implying she understood. "So I'll just say that Maya came by last night to plead Lucas' case." Riley continued.

"Okay cause hearing from the ex girlfriend is surely going to help?" Kai scoffs.

"The exact details aren't important." Riley shakes her head. "Basically the whole Riley, Maya, Lucas situation is complicated, the way it's always been."

"And this makes you feel.. better?" Noah pricks up a brow in confusion.

"Even though I didn't really want to hear what Maya had to say I'm glad she told me anyway." Riley says. "She tried to explain her relationship with Lucas but we also sort of talked about our friendship ending and overall I think it’s given me a bit of closure.”

“Closure is good.” Harper chimes in.

“Yeah, no regrets.” Caitlin smiles. “Right, Matthews?”

“Exactly.” Riley nods. “I intend to stick to that motto as we approach graduation.”

Kai raises his hand before speaking, “Okay so Caitlin might not want to be bored with details but I think I need them if you want me to wrap my head around this closure nonsense.”

“Later.” Riley sends him a firm look and which Kai accepts. “For now I want to eat breakfast with my friends and work on graduating with no regrets.”

“Here, here!” Caitlin over dramatises the raising of her water glass.

“I have been saying ‘no regrets’ for a while now but it wasn’t really until yesterday that I even tried to do something I was afraid of.” Riley subconsciously fiddles with her shorter locks.

“Has anyone got a pen?” Noah asks and it seems very random to the group.

Harper pulls one out of her bag and hands it to him. Noah takes a handful of napkins from the dispenser in the middle of the table and passes one around to each of his friends.

“What’s this for?” Kai is the first one to question him.

“We’re each going to write a list of things to do before we graduate.” Noah says scribbling something down on his napkin first. “Our no regret lists.”

“You’re not even going to be here.” Caitlin says sharply.

“I know.” Noah shoots her an unimpressed look before holding up his napkin, “That’s why the only thing on my list is make it back for graduation.”

“Awww.” Riley, Noah and Harper say in unison. Caitlin rolls her eyes but wears a small smile. Maybe that was a little sweet.

“Me next.” Kai grabs at the air as he asks for the pen.

“This is stupid.” Caitlin groans, “You’re not really going to make me do this.”

“Cait, just do it.” Harper chuckles as she takes the pen next.

“Ugh, fine.” Caitlin sighs as she takes out her own pen from her bag.

“Here you go, Riley.” Harper hands her pen across the table to Riley once she’s finished her list.

“Thanks.” Riley takes it and then stares helplessly at her blank napkin. Both Harper and Kai had written trivial senior things about ditch day and what not.

“What did you put down, Ri?” Kai asks.

“I’m still thinking.” Riley admits sheepishly.

“That’s fine.” Noah sends her a smile, “What about you Caity, what did you write?”

“Get cooler friends.” Caitlin says with a goofy smirk as she holds out her napkin for everyone to see. Laughter and fake expressions of offence spark around the table.

Their fun is momentarily interrupted when their smoothies and various pastries are brought over. The original awkwardness of the group hang had long passed and a true natural conversation falls upon them. Riley still clutches the pen in her right hand as she tries to figure something meaningful to write. Riley looks up for a moment in thought and she meets the sheepish gaze of Farkle and his father at the counter. He lowers his stare once he makes eye contact with Riley and it was like the genius couldn’t have gotten out of their quicker. Riley chews on her bottom lip and begins writing her list, it consists of five things- Well, five names.

- Isadora - Farkle - Zay - Maya - Lucas?

After their breakfast wraps up the friends gather outside the bakery to say their farewells to Noah. Kai is going with him to the airport so he lets Riley know he’ll be by later for all the boring details.

Riley rolls her eyes and tells him he’ll have to wait until she talks things through with her mother. Maybe she’d have to let herself be sad for two days and then finally move past it all tomorrow.

As they're all leaving Caitlin holds Riley back for a moment. "Are you sure you're okay, Matthews?" She asks quietly.

"It's not like you to be overly invested in my boy drama." Riley evades the question with a light remark.

"But if he's the boy.." Caitlin wears a serious look.

Riley matches her friends expression. "Lucas is just a chapter in this story."

"Whatever you say, Matthews." Caitlin says unconvinced as she throws an arm around the brunette. "Whatever you say."

↠

The following day Riley returns to school and she has to walk the halls with side glances pointed her way. News had spread of Riley's emotional exit from prom making her a hot spectacle that Monday morning.

After first bell the seniors are all called into the gym for an assembly. It wasn't until Riley was shuffling into the bleachers that she remembered what Ms. Mitchell had told her about being Valedictorian. Riley had been quietly consumed with her own soap opera she’d completely forgotten about it.

Isadora and Farkle had taken a seat directly in front of Riley and Kai although the two geniuses hadn't noticed the brunette. The meeting is started and the principal goes over a few things regarding the last month of school. After a quick run through of how the graduation ceremony will work the principal asks everyone to give a round of applause to the valedictorian. Riley sheepishly shrinks into herself as Kai gives her a wide eye look of pleasant surprise. Both Isadora and Farkle turned to each other and uttered a surprised, "Riley?" Kai scrunches up his face and is about to cut in with some choice words but Riley swoops in first. "Please save the heartfelt congratulations until after my speech." Both geniuses turn around with looks of embarrassment. Riley shrugs them off and turns her attention back to Kai who is still cooing praise.

After the assembly Riley is filing out of the gym with all the seniors and when she rounds the doorway she smacks into Lucas. Riley stumbles backwards for a second and then nervously meets his gaze.

“I’m sorry.” Lucas says awkwardly. “I was waiting for Zay.”

Riley just lowers her stare and continues on her way. As much as speaking to Maya had made her feel better there was no denying that Lucas was still and probably always would be a trigger for her.

↠

Days turn into weeks and before Riley knows it it’s the weekend before her last week of school and she had made no progress on her no regrets list. She didn’t even have the list anymore, Riley was pretty certain it accidentally got thrown away after breakfast the day she wrote it.

It’s Sunday morning and Riley had been going through her things as she prepares for her pending Euro trip. Riley’s sorting through some junk on her dresser as she was looking for a portable phone charger when she found something. Something she hadn't seen in a long while, something she hadn’t even thought about. Riley picks up the thin silver ring and twirls it with her fingers. To Riley this was like the universes way of telling her she should complete her list. Riley pockets the ring and makes her way over to Maya’s apartment.

Its Shawn who answers the door, he’s surprised to see the brunette. “Riley, hey.” He gives her a hug.

“Hey, Uncle Shawn, is Maya home?” Riley asks once they part.

“Yeah she’s in her room.” He nods. Riley makes her way towards Maya’s room and knocks gently on the wood of her door.

“Come in.” Maya’s voice is muffled. Riley opens the door and Maya is surprised to find it’s Riley and not one of her parents.

“Riley.” Maya places her sketchpad beside her on the bed. “What are you doing here?”

Riley steps into the entirety of the room and doesn’t answer right away, instead she takes a moment to absorb how much it’s changed since she was last there. The once red brick walls were now painted blue with white clouds. The leaky roof was only a memory.

“Riles?” Maya says still sitting on the bed as she tries to capture Riley’s attention.

“Do you still have your ring?” Riley asks.

“What?” Maya is quiet.

Riley digs into her pocket and pulls out the silver band. “I can’t even remember taking it off...” Riley frowns as she stares at the ring which once held such importance to her.

Maya grows sheepish as she pulls at the chain handing around her neck, she untucks it from her shirt and reveals it to Riley. Along with the heart locket her mom bought her for her fourteen birthday there was her friendship ring Riley had given her the very same day. “Yeah I still got it.” Maya half smiles as she lets it fall back against her chest.

Riley nods as she tries to gather her scrambled thoughts but finally she finds her words. “Do you want to go see a movie or something?”

↠

The following day Riley has a newfound determination and an extra spark of bravery within her. At school Riley approaches Zay in the hall, he’s leaning against a locker chatting to a few of his friends from the baseball team. Riley walks up to him confidently and clears her throat.

“Hey, Riley,” Zay laughs slightly nervously. He’d been present for many of Lucas’ bakery advances on Riley after Winter Formal so he wasn’t exactly a stranger to Riley anymore but they also weren't exactly pals either.

“I would like to talk please.” Riley says calmly.

“Okay,” Zay says as he walks off to the side with her, “Is this about Lucas?”

“No, this is about you and me.” Riley states.

“Gee, I’m flattered but I’m not sure Lucas would be too thrilled about us.” Zay jokes trying to make light of things.

“I’m being serious.” Riley isn’t amused.

“That’s what I’m afraid off.” Zay lets out a nervous breath.

“You really hurt my feelings during the triangle.” Riley just gets on with it before she loses her nerve. “You were always pro Maya and it upset me, made me question our friendship and why you didn’t seem to think I was right for Lucas.”

Zay is shocked by her sudden outburst of realness so he stumbles through his sentence, “I didn’t know you felt that way. I just say dumb things to be funny, I was trying to give Lucas a hard time, I wasn’t really thinking about you or Maya..”

“It’s not just that.” Riley continues, “Once Lucas chose Maya you became very involved with them. Maya tells me it’s because they couldn’t be alone without things being weird but back then I felt like you didn’t really care about me especially since Lucas was dating your obvious choice in the triangle.”

“I’m sorry.” Zay says still slightly in shock but he means it sincerely. “I was just trying to have Lucas’ back.”

“I know and I’m sorry too.” Riley says. “I treated you like you were an expendable friend when you weren't. Even if I was feeling sorry for myself when it came to the triangle I shouldn’t have just stopped being your friend.”

“You don't have to be sorry, Riley.” Zay shakes his head.

“Yes I do.” Riley insists. “Communication could have saved something really special we all had but instead I was too afraid to speak my mind, too scared to talk to those who would have listened.”

“You were never just the other girl in the triangle, Riley.” Zay says with a frown. “I really hope you know that.”

“I do.” Riley nods. “And I want you to know you were never just Lucas’ friend to me. You were my friend too.”

“You know we don’t graduate for four more days, we could still be friends now?” Zay asks with a hand held out to shake it.

Riley pushes his hand down and gives him a hug instead, a hug Zay happily reciprocates. It was a little awkward and long overdue but it was nice.

↠

Graduation morning approaches Riley had nervously read over her speech already a dozen times before breakfast alone and at least another two dozen before the ceremony itself. Out in the hallway after a quick bathroom break Riley paces nervously until she spots Farkle and Isadora across the way. Riley stops abruptly and marches over to them. The couple are surprised to see Riley and with such urgency.

“I want to speak to you.” Riley points at Farkle.

“I can leave?” Smackle offers but Farkle nervously grips at her hand.

“I want to speak to you too but more so Farkle.” Riley says all in one quick breath.

Farkle and Smackle both nod. Riley edges her attention solely at Farkle as she begins, “I was angry at you for telling Lucas I loved him. I was constantly hurting as I watched them be together. I blamed you for it because if I didn’t I’d have to admit that it was my own fault. I outed Maya’s feelings the same way you did mine and this was before New Years. I started this mess. So instead of owning up to my own actions and being upset with myself I took it out on you.”

“But, Riley I was in the wrong.” Farkle insists, his voice a bit shaky. “I should have respected your wishes and kept quiet about that.”

“Honestly the end result probably would have still been the same.” Riley shrugs it off. “The triangle just dragged out the inevitable.”

“Riley, I’m so sorry-”

“So am I.” Riley cuts in before Farkle can go any further. “I should never have dropped you as a friend because I was upset. We had been friends just as long as Maya and I had. I treated all of you like our friendship meant nothing-”

“You can’t take responsibility for this-”

“Yes I can.” Riley gives a single nod. “Admitting to my own faults is how I forgive.”

“But we were the ones who just accepted that you didn’t want to be friends anymore.” Farkle again tries to shift blame back onto himself.

“And I know that’s because you were hurting.” Riley softens. “I heard you at the bakery when you said that I told Maya and then ignored you. You’re right, that was awful no matter how much I was hurting-”

“Riley, you were hurting.” Smackle finally speaks up.

“Well I’m still sorry.” Riley says with a sudden wave of emotion hitting her. “To both of you.”

“We’re sorry.” Farkle says sincerely.

“Farkle and I accepted that the problem was too difficult to solve. We should have been smarter than that.” Smackle says, “Can you forgive us?”

“I never had to forgive you, only myself.” Riley smiles.

Suddenly it was like another huge weight was lifted off Riley’s shoulders. All this reconciling was lifting Riley up, making her lighter for it.

“By the way,” Farkle says as they’re walking towards the rest of the seniors gathering outside the gym, “I’m actually really proud that you won valedictorian.”

“And bested both of our SAT scores.” Smackle adds with a smile.

“You knew about that?” Riley questions.

“Lucas told us.” Smackle says and Riley tenses up awkwardly. Ah, Lucas....

Outside the gym Riley finds Kai and Noah dressed in their blue caps and gowns.

“What was that about?” Kai asks curiously as he notices who Riley was just with.

“Just mending a few fences.” Riley wears a small smile. Quite quickly Riley’s coming off her momentary high from her reconciliation with the geniuses and is reentering panic mode.

“Where’s my speech, I can’t remember where I put my speech?” Riley is breathing heavily.

“Calm down, Sunshine, I have it.” Noah hands her the papers. “I was holding it for you when you went to the bathroom.

Riley takes another deep breath and stares anxiously at her opening line. “Maybe I made a mistake saying hello as my opening. It’s too casual.. Maybe I should change it to ‘good morning’ do either of you have a pen?”

“Ri.” Kai holds Riley firmly by the shoulders and forces her gaze. “You got this.”

“I got this.” Riley says unconvincingly but there was no more time for pep talks as they were being ushered into the gym.

Riley’s speech comes around and she nervously takes to the podium. Riley looks at the large crowd of faces, she spots her parents and Auggie smiling happily together. She even spots Katy and Shawn sitting with them. Riley looks to Kai for a little support and he gives her a reassuring wink. Caitlin is not too far away and mouths ‘don’t blow it’ to Riley which causes the brunette to laugh quietly to herself. Suddenly feeling a little more at ease she begins reciting her speech, the speech she now knew from memory from having read over it so many times.

Riley gets through the first page, the speech perfectly tailored to the school and met any basic valedictorian speech structure. It’s when Riley turns over her sheet that she gets thrown. Pinned to the corner of the page was a napkin with five names on it. The napkin Riley thought she lost after breakfast at the bakery with her friends. Riley stumbles for a moment trying to gather her thoughts. Maya, Zay, Farkle, Isadora, all faces Riley could see staring up at her with smiles and maybe slight confusion as to why she stopped. Riley’s eyes read over the last name marked as a question; Lucas?

Riley finds the Texan in the crowd, he has a slight look of worry on his face. When their eyes meet he gives her a small smile and an encouraging nod as if to silently communicate that he knows she’s got this. Riley decides to push her speech to the side.

“I was going to give you all a speech about making the most of high school and the years to come.” Riley begins again, “I was going to tell you that we should try and live life with no regrets but that’s unrealistic. Impossible even.” Riley is gripping the podium passionately. “I certainly wouldn’t be standing here today if I didn’t have a few regrets. I wouldn’t be travelling Europe this Summer or attending Yale in the Fall. I am who I am because of these regrets. Sometimes we make the wrong choice, sometimes things happen that are out of our control but it’s what we do afterwards that really matters. I was going to end this speech by saying ‘here’s to no regrets’!” Riley shakes her head with a smile. “But now I’ve changed my mind. I say you should live life even with all the dumb choices we’re bound to make.” Riley shares a soft laugh and so does her audience, “I say don’t be afraid to live and if you make a mistake along the way or embarrass yourself of have your heart broken I say embrace it, learn from it, grow. Become the person you’re meant to be because of it. I for one can’t wait to meet you all again.”

Riley’s impromptu change of her speech was well received amongst her peers. After the cap tossing everyone scatters for photos with friends and family. Riley’s standing with Noah and his family isn’t too far away as they chat.

"What's the deal with that?" Riley subtly nudges towards Kai whom is across the way chatting with Lucas. "Are they friends or something now?"

"Lets just say they have a shared interest." Noah smiles as he lovingly pats Riley's hair.

"It's too late." Riley shrugs.

"It's never too late, Sunshine." Noah says softly.

"Yes it is." Riley insists. "In a few hours I'm leaving for Europe and then we're going to college two worlds away."

"That doesn't mean it's over." Noah says. He couldn't help it, he was a hopeless romantic and truthfully he always secretly liked Lucas. "You can still have your happy ending."

"Maybe my happy ending involves me being alone." Riley says seriously.

"I don't doubt that loving yourself is enough but maybe letting someone else love you is what’s next for you."

"Don't you think I deserve better?" Riley asks. "Someone who wasn't afraid to risk it all, someone who chose me first?"

"Maybe Lucas is better, if you'll let him be." Noah says positively but in a gentle tone.

"It's too late." Riley repeats.

"Then I think you should say goodbye." Noah says. "Cross him off your list."

Riley squints her eyes as she stares at Noah. "You were the one who slipped my list in with my speech?"

“I picked it up after breakfast by accident.” Noah shrugs innocently. "You're right, no regrets is an impossible task but closure isn’t."

Riley sighs heavily, she knows he’s right. Riley strolls over to Lucas and Kai, the boy in glasses knows he’s not who she needs to talk to right now so he gives Riley a supportive squeeze on the shoulder and goes off towards his boyfriend.

“I liked your speech.” Lucas says once they’re alone.

“Thank you.” Riley says nervously.

“Look I wanted-” Lucas says at the same time Riley says, “I wanted to-”

They both laugh off their clash and Lucas motions for Riley to go first.

“I am having some friends by the bakery after this, to celebrate graduation and say some goodbyes before I leave for Europe tonight.” Riley says. “I would like if you came, if you don’t already have plans.”

“I’ll be there.” Lucas nods. Truthfully if he did have plans he’d cancel them.

“Were you going to say something to me?” Riley questions referring to him trying to get something out when they first met up.

“I did actually,” Lucas takes a nervous breath. Riley’s heart picks up pace as she anxiously anticipates what’s to come next.

“Riley, honey!” Topanga calls over her daughter. Riley’s head turns towards her mother for a moment, she’s standing with Maya, Shawn and Katy. Riley flicks her gaze back to Lucas and he tells her not to worry about it.

“Are you sure?” Riley frowns, she was slightly disappointed.

“I’ll speak to you at the bakery.” Lucas smiles.

Riley nods with a small smile of her own and goes over to her mother. Maya is standing sheepishly with her parents.

“We wanted to get a picture of you two girls together.” Katy says with that Southern twang in her accent.

Maya looks to Riley with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.” Maya whispers.

“Don’t be.” Riley says wrapping her arm around Maya’s shoulder with a smile. “Embrace it, right?”

“Right.” Maya leans in and smiles for the photo. Things might not be normal for them yet and they might never be again but they certainly were mending the bridge to friendship again. That’s how Riley felt about the status of all her old friendships. Things might be strained and weird and very poorly timed but for the first time in a long time Riley truly believed they’d all be okay. Well, everyone but Lucas but after all Lucas was never really just Riley’s friend.

After the multitude of photos Riley posed for with friends and family, the brunette makes her way to the bakery where Topanga was hosting some festivities in her daughters honour. Riley invited all her old friend - Lucas included - as well as her new friends.

Riley’s closest past and present were all hanging around the bakery. For the first time ever Riley didn’t feel like her two worlds were colliding with new versus old, Riley just saw it as her world, big, messy and wonderful.

Harper leaves first as she had her own flight to catch and gives Riley a warm hug farewell. Riley’s standing with Caitlin outside the bakery when the free spirit shares some news that surprises Riley. The brunette had been nervously rambling about how far away New York and California was and how amazing their relationship is to stand the distance.

“We actually broke up.” Caitlin admits.

“What?” Riley’s face drops and she lifts a hand to pat Caitlin’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. We’re fine.” She says honestly. “You said it yourself, Cali and New York are very far apart.”

Riley’s frown deepens. “But don’t you love each other?”

“Of course.” Caitlin half laughs. “Who knows in a few years we might cross paths again but for now we had a really good run. We’re okay with this.”

“Wow.” Riley says still shocked. “How can you be so calm? I mean, I feel like I’ve been crying for years over a boy I never officially dated.” Riley laughs lightly and her eyes wander inside and towards Lucas whom is chatting with Zay.

“You are the most over the top, intense person I have ever met.” Caitlin laughs and she meant it completely positively. “You are all or nothing, Matthews and that’s not a bad thing. It’s brave."

Riley’s smile creeps wider. Caitlin really did have a knack for making Riley feel good about herself. “You know I think Yale is technically further away from California than New York so if you think this is our breakup talk you can save it because I won't allow.”

“If I thought forty-two hours between us was all it took to get rid of you I would have moved years ago.” Caitlin jokes.

Riley gasps in mock offence. The brunette then goes on to over dramatise her wounded puppy act.

“Ah, Matthews.” Caitlin mumbles embarrased. “Don’t make me say it.”

“It’s fine.” Riley keeps going with her fake sadness.

“I’m going to miss you.” Caitlin mumbles.

“Sorry what was that?” Riley asks. “I couldn’t hear you over my aching heart.”

“I’m going to miss your big stupid quirks.” Caitlin laughs.

Riley cups her hands to her heart. “And to think my mom almost tried to take down your family for tax fraud.”

“What?” Caitlin gives Riley a confused look.

“Nothing..” Riley smiles sheepishly. “Let’s go back inside.”

Riley spends sometime mingling with her friends. She even suggests to Maya that she should talk to Topanga about picking some shifts up at the bakery over the Summer since Riley wouldn’t be there to help. An idea Maya took a liking to.

Finally Lucas and Riley get a moment alone unbeknown to them Kai was eavesdropping not too far away.

“So you invited all your friends here.” Lucas says. “Does that mean we’re friends?”

“It means for whatever reason I can’t seem to give you up completely.” Riley admits sheepishly with a shrug of her shoulder. “You were going to tell me something back at school?” Riley fiddles nervously with her fingers.

“I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” Lucas says.

“I know prom wasn’t your fault.” Riley shakes her head.

“It’s not that. I wanted to apologise for how I apologised.”

“What?” Riley knits her brows.

“Maya told me you two spoke after prom. She made me realise that my apology was completely explanation based.” Lucas shakes his head at himself. “I was so concerned with winning you back that I didn’t stop to think about what it was doing to you. I knew that I’d have to suffer whatever heartache should you not want to be with me but what I didn’t consider was putting you through crap all over again. I forced you to listen to my explanation and I did expect that it would magically make things better. You were completely right, Riley, I cared more about looking like the good guy than I did actually being the good guy.”

“Lucas, it’s okay.” Riley shrugs. “I needed to hear it all, even if I didn’t want to.”

“I still should have listened.” Lucas holds her gaze. “I’m truly sorry. For everything. For the entire triangle mess and then for dragging you through it all over again. I shouldn’t have been concerned with my own white night hero complex because you’re the hero of this story. You’re my hero, Riley.”

A smile creeps across Riley’s face. There was a million things she wanted to say but it seemed as though she couldn’t get a single word out.

“Riley, cake!” Topanga calls Riley over from behind the counter. Riley turns back to Lucas with an apologetic smile.

“Go.” Lucas smiles and motions towards Topanga. Riley nods and makes her way over to her mom.

"You're my hero." Kai nods with an approving look as he approaches Lucas. "That's pretty smooth, wonder boy."

"Well I meant it." Lucas says mildly embarrassed that Kai had been listening.

"How about those three other words you didn't say to her?" Kai looks at Lucas knowingly.

"I can't." Lucas shakes his head. "I promised I'd step back when the time came and it did."

"You could still try."

"Riley's not going to get over what happened and I can't force her to." Lucas shakes his head.

"Lucas she is over it she just finds it hard to believe that you've always cared about her."

"I have though." Lucas states sincerely.

"Find a way to prove that to her." Kai says.

"And what if that doesn't change anything?" Lucas questions.

"If you don't believe she's worth risking it all for then I've wasted my advice on you." Kai laughs lightly even though he meant it quite seriously.

Lucas thinks deeply for a moment before nodding to himself, "I'll be right back."

"She leaves in an hour." Kai says.

"I'll be back." Lucas affirms as he turns for the door.

Lucas returns shortly after. Immediately his eyes find Riley, she’s standing in a big group of her friends, old and new. Lucas walked closer trying to plan a way to whisk her off to the side privately. As he steps into hearing distance Lucas listens as Riley excitedly gushes about her independent journey. After a sudden realisation Lucas steps towards the counter rather than approach Riley as planned. He asks Tammy the day manager who's working if he could borrow some pen, paper and an envelope if they had one. Tammy obliges and Lucas is left alone to write his letter.

Once Lucas seals the envelope shut he writes ‘Riley’ on the centre of it.

"What do you have there, Huckleberry?" Maya questions as she casually approaches and sits on the stool beside him.

“It’s for Riley.” Lucas wears a small smile as he waves for the attention of Tammy. The woman in her late twenties walks over to them.

“What can I do for you know?” She asks with a smile.

“Can you make sure Riley gets this?” Lucas hands her the envelope. “Just tell her not to open it until after she’s left.”

Tammy is confused but agrees to his wishes as she slips the envelope in the pocket of her apron.

“You’re not going to give it to her yourself?” Maya questions once they’re alone again.

“This is Riley’s dream trip.” Lucas half smiles. “I think she deserves to leave without me dragging her through this all over again.”

“Well if that’s a goodbye letter then I might have to kill you.” Maya stands up and pats Lucas’ shoulder. “Because she deserves that in person.” With that the blonde makes her way over to the group. Lucas stands and heads for the door.

On the other side of the room Riley stands laughing with the rest of her friends after Smackle shared a funny statistic about France. Riley notices the time and how she’s only got a few minutes before she has to leave. In the corner of her eye she spots Lucas making his way towards the door. They make eye contact before he exits, the Texan raises his hand and gives her a small smile and a slight wave. Riley smiles too but watching him disappear out the door wasn’t exactly something she’d describe as a happy thing.

Quickly Riley excuses herself from the group and runs outside, she catches Lucas as he reaches the top of the stairs.

“You were going to leave without properly saying goodbye?” Riley stops at the foot of the stairs and looks up at Lucas.

“If I don’t say it then it’s not goodbye.” Lucas’ smile is small.

“Maybe we should say it.” Riley shifts nervously.

“If that’s what you want..” Lucas says and Riley remains silent because she didn’t really know what she wanted. Riley feels like she can’t really be selfish and ask Lucas to be her friend if he had feelings for her but part of her also thought that being his friend meant that she may never have feelings for anyone else. Lucas’ smile creeps upon his face again and he says, “I’ll see you around, Riley. Have fun in Europe.”

It’s now Riley with the slight wave as she watches Lucas leave. The brunette even waits around to see if he’ll turn back to look for her but he doesn’t. Riley’s left wondering if she’s left things too late for anything, even a friendship with Lucas. Riley slowly walks back inside, she had everything she wanted out of her no regrets list, open communication with her old friends, even Lucas yet somehow it still didn’t feel right.

End Notes: Next: The Epilogue. The Letter. The End.

#rucas #rucas au #rucas fic #rucas fanfic #rucas imagine

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sawyersick · 5 years ago

Note

fuck you all of them

at first I was very confused but then I remembered the ask game thingey

anyways I’m sorry for assaulting you with words lets go

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I did a lot when I was little, when I was like 4ish I had a theory that everyone around me was actually just the same 50 actors constantly switching outfits to make me think the world was larger than it is

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

I'm afraid of bugs and ghosts so like... 2.25

3. The person you would never want to meet?

idk??? hitler??? Mike Pence??????

4. What is your favorite word?

phalanges, trivial, cordyceps

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

eucalyptus?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

damn I actually look good without makeup tf

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a purple Hawaii t shirt with surfboards on it

8. What do you label yourself as?

gay???????????????????? punk? tired???? idk

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

trying to fall asleep

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

8 or 14

12. Who told you they loved you last?

my parents after I started crying after they threatened (again) to kick me out

13. Your worst enemy?

myself I guess

14. What is your current desktop picture?

a flying turtle sharting a rainbow

15. Do you like someone?

I like a lot of people!! but romantically, nobody right now

16. The last song you listened to?

Aderall, by Livewater https://livewater.bandcamp.com/track/adderall

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Mike Pence???? idk

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

this chick who fucked over all my friends or my ex

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

nobody that's fuckin weird and also a little kinky

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

my hair always looks pretty good and rarely requires styling/upkeep and my natural colour is actually pretty nice

not showing a pic because I'm lazyyyy

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I would be a fucking HOT short king and I guess I would try to jack off even though I don't even masturbate and then like....... call men out on their misogyny and privilege

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

I think I'm a good singer!! But I don't sing for anyone because I'm afraid of being judged

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

snails

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

UHHHH burger

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

save it or donate or spend on lolita

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Japan because I am a WEEB

I don't drink so I just googled "best brand of alcohol for cooking" and then "best brand of red wine for cooking" and apparently downton abbey has their own brand of wine because that was the first result so yeah that I guess

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

don't be a little bitch

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck

Squid Vicious, the giant me-sized squid plush my friend made for me

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

none of them because they made me who I am today even though that’s cheesy sounding, so maybe something embarrassing rather than abusive/traumatic

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

see #26..... Japan because I'm a WEEEEB

luckily nobody close to me has passed yet, so I guess Freddie Mercury because I don't think Kurt Cobain would want to be brought back

34. What was your last dream about?

an awful nightmare about genetically-engineered rabid penis-dogs (i am afraid of sex so it was worse than it sounds)

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

artist? ehhh I guess

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

(gore tw)

yeah I tried to sew my prom dress in a day and the needle stabbed me and broke off inside my finger and they had to surgically remove it from the other side

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

NO AND I REALLY WANT TO

38. What is the color of your socks?

they're a mossy/slate green with little pixel illustrations of totoro characters!!

39. What type of music do you like?

anything rock.............. alt, punk, grunge, etc but I also like a lot of alt/indie stuff too

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets are prettier I think!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate!!!!!

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

ew sportz

43. Do you have any scars?

a LOT, mostly from weird accidents/self harm

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i don't even know anymore..................... hopefully a healthcare professional I guess

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I wish I could concentrate better

46. Are you reliable?

online? no im a shitty texter. but when it comes to hanging out? yes absolutely I HATE cancelling plans

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

will I be okay?

48. Do you hold grudges?

yeah I take a lot of shit without saying much so when I get angwy I fuckin lose it

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

cat dolphins!

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

whether or not consensual cannibalism is technically vegan (I say yes and you can fucking fight me)

51. Are you a good liar?

yes.......... unfortunately

52. How long could you go without talking?

I once went without talking for a month and a half

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

growing out my bangs while having this weird noncommittal side part

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

I do all the time!! I also bake birthday cakes for foster children's birthdays

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

not really? I kinda suck at accents..... I can only partially do asian, british, and southern accents

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter usually! Sometimes lemon curd or blueberry jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

a house on a hill at night

58. What would be you dream car?

idk I'm not really into cars.... probably a sporty lil vintage sedan

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I sing in the shower a lot!! and like do little dance moves with my hips

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yeah bro!

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

only if it shows up on social media/in a magazine, I won't seek it out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Q! Z! X!

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

DRAGONS

64. What do you think about babies?

they're alright!! They scare me a little tho because I don't want to hurt them...... I prefer kids that are like 6+

#ask game

0 notes

butch-dyke-loving · 7 years ago

Note

all the lesbian asks u didnt do already

im sorry mobile users :(

Femme or butch? Butch!!!

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe itI think all girls are pretty but butch girls are beautiful

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?I like button ups!! Although I would like to own a leather jacket

Describe your styleI usually wear sweaters with an aesthetic picture on it or flannel or a short sleeve shirt with jeans and boots.

Describe your aestheticI love pink and thats all you need to know

Favorite article of clothing?I have this one flannel that i really like and it makes me feel confident!! I got it from costco i love it

Favorite pair of shoes?I have this one pair of Timbers and i wear them ALL THE TIME,

Current haircut?long curly hair on top and short on the sides

Any haircut goals for the future?I want to cut my hair shorter aand possibly get an undercut but idk!!

Describe the best date you’ve been onMy ex took me to prom and that was a very sweet and romantic night!! During the slow song we slow danced and we kissed each other and it was just so nice. Afterwards we had to go to the bathroom bc her lipstick was on mine lmao

Describe the worst date you’ve been onall of them have been at least decent so

Single? Taken?Single!

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!HA

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?someone who can communicate well would be nice. Idk i like girls who are funny, compassionate, and smart.

Do you want kids?Possibly! I do like kids

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?Probably in the UK, i like constant rain so lol

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?I have short hair, im butch, im an artist, i wear flannel

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?idk!

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?Compliments, going out of their way to talk to me, sharing stuff that i like with me, idk im fairly easy to please

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

Turn ons?i dont feel comfortable sharing this to the public but if ur that curious yall can hmu lmao

Turn offs?When someone yells at me while they’re angry, it’s not a fun feeling lol. Also drug use.

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?I’m fine doing either!

What is your dream career?Character designer!!

Talk about your interests or hobbies!I like to draw, play the ukulele, and sculpt

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?She communicates well!

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?i am infatuated way too easily lol, but i actually dont have crushes too too often?

Ever fallen for your best-friend?Nope!

Ever fallen for a straight girl?Kind of? I thought she was really pretty and i was disappointed but it wasnt a full on crush so

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)I haven’t watched it so im a gold star lesbian

Favorite comfort food?i like tomato soup with grilled cheese!

Coffee or tea?Tea all the way coffee is NASTY

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?None of the above

Do you have any pets?I DO!! I have a cute dog named belinda and i love her, she just takes naps all day

Early-riser or night-owl?Night owl i guess?

What is your sign?Gemini

What is your Myers-Briggs type?ENFP!

Who was your first lesbian crush?Most goth cartoon characters lol, but in terms of a crush on an actual person, i had a crush on my friend kinney in 8th grade.

At what age did you know you were a lesbian?15 almost 16, but before that i use to id as bi

At what age did you come out (if you have)?I’ve been out to my friends since i knew i was gay, and im pretty out to people at my school, but my parents dont know

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?Yes definitely omg

Talk about how your day wentIt was pretty good! Im making a miniature chocolate cake out of clay!!

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the futureI would like to have my own animated TV show!!

#long post #ty for asking!!!!

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elveny · 7 years ago

Text

I have the urge to write something about “fishing for compliments” and self-worth and body image. I don’t really know why - nothing happened but somehow the topic got itself stuck in my brain and I need to let it out.

It’s long though, so I’m gonna put it behind a ‘read more’.

So, I’m a white woman in my mid-thirties who is by society in large probably considered, if not beautiful but at least pretty. I am tall, have big boobs, relatively clear skin, I’m slightly overweight with some chubby curves - hour glass figure matching my height, and a nice smile. Sure, I’ll never be a fashion model but hey, who really is.

I KNOW this.

I do not, however, feel it, at least not most of the time.

Let me take you on a little journey down memory lane.

The first signs of my boobs showed when I was 8 or 9. One day in summer, I was wearing a loose shirt, we were playing outside and I bent over for something so that the neckline of my shirt hung down. Two boys (I don’t remember how old they were, probably in their early teens) chuckled, a bit nervously, and said “I can see down your shirt”. I looked and sure enough, they could see these first bumps that meant nothing to me. I remember brushing over it, somewhat awkwardly with a “so?” but I straightened and stopped playing with a confused feeling of Something Is Wrong.

I was 11 when I got my period for the first time. At that time, most people thought I was 14 or 16, I was already wearing some clothes of my mom’s and had to wear a (small-sized) bra. While I was still interested in playing with dolls and building sand-castles and pretending to be a horse, people looked at my body and thought I was acting weird ‘for my age’. I wasn’t but those who didn’t know me never believed me when I told them how old I was. Surely I was lying with my boobs and hips and height? At that time I was already conscious that I wasn’t ‘pretty’. I had a horrible pixie haircut that didn’t suit me at all, I was wearing cheap glasses and towered over most of my classmates and few friends. When asked in school what I wanted to be, I said “stewardess” and a classmate interrupted me with “you can’t become that, you have to be pretty for that”. Kids are cruel like that.

I reached my final height of 1,78m (5′’8) with 14. I was gangly and huge, my acne full on display and didn’t know what to do with my breasts (one time I was running down a street, laughing, and I wasn’t wearing a bra and a group of maybe 16yo burst out laughing upon seeing me. I guess it was the jumping boobs. I stopped running and laughing immediately and went home). My hair was so greasy I should have washed it twice a day, hormones in full havoc mode, sexual feelings I couldn’t place and every boy I knew was weirded out by me and most made fun of me and my body. I was suicidal at that point.

When I was 16 I fell in love, badly, with my then-best friend. He liked me as well but refused a relationship because I was taller than him and he was afraid of the comments his friends would make.

We learned ballroom dancing with my school in 10th grade (around 16/17 years old) and I loved it so, so much. There was a ... well, sort of prom and I was so anxious about not getting asked out that I took matters in my own hand and asked a boy out. He said yes and it was a lovely evening, only sullied by some classmates telling me he only agreed to come because the girls he had asked all refused. I wanted to continue to dance but since nobody wanted to partner me, I couldn’t.

All of this wasn’t really made easier by my sister being immensely popular and pretty and slim and able to wear EVERYTHING.

In general, I had bad luck with feelings. Not a single person I fell in love with during my teenage days (and later, until I was in my mid-twenties) loved me back and vice versa. I had casual sexual encounters every few years, usually when I was very drunk, none of which were very good, actually. I blamed it on how I looked - I mean, all of the petite pretty girls in my school and later university had boyfriends, so that must have been the reason, right? I had male friends, so I knew they liked me - just not liked liked me.

By my late teens / early twenties, I no longer looked much older than I was. The boys my age had caught up, height-wise, and the other girls had also developed breasts. I never stopped feeling sort of out-of-touch with my body, though. I always(!) felt too chubby (even when I really wasn’t), too tall, too everything. I am always, always conscious of my body even though I slowly learned how to move and dress suitably for my body type. I’m still stuck between trying to blend in with ‘standards of beauty’ and trying to find my very own style. By now I am happily married to a man who never tires of telling me how beautiful and sexy he thinks I am but I still am my biggest critic. I am still learning how to really feel good in my body and more often than not I look at my body or face and sigh.

People see me, a seemingly completely confident and secure person, they see pictures of me and say “But you’re beautiful! You post selfies, you must know that! Stop fishing for compliments!” But they don’t know the story, my story. They don’t know how many selfies I discard because I think myself ugly, they don’t realize that my rates of posting them wax and wane with how I feel about myself, the rating I give myself, the vane hope of “If people think I’m pretty they’ll like me more, please tell me you like me?”. And even if I am in a good place self-image-wise, I still sort of unbelievingly blink at every “Like” I get for them. The insecure, beaten-down self-consciousness I developed in my early teens never quite left me and I never managed to untangle my body image from my feeling of self-worth. I always, always compare myself to others. Intellectually, I know that my friends (and I am lucky to have several people I would trust with my life) don’t like me for my appearance but for who I am as a person. But my treacherous insecure heart whispers “really?”

So, what I want to say, I guess, is: stop telling people they shouldn’t “fish for compliments”. Stop excluding ‘pretty’ people from discussions of self-worth and body image. You don’t know their story, you don’t know if what you see matches what they think and see. Stop assuming.

#body image #personal stuff #fishing for compliments #by the way: it's okay to do that #to ask for validation I mean #self-worth #long post

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cantbelieveyouregone · 7 years ago

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COPY N PASTE THIS N TAG ME IF U DO IT

Guess who got bored, guys.

1. Had sex? Nope. 2. Bought condoms? Nope. 3. Gotten pregnant? Nope. 4. Failed a class? If dropping out counts as failing, yes. 5. Kissed a boy? Yup. 6. Kissed a girl? Nope. 7.Used a little paper bag for lunch? Nah. 8. Had a job? Not really. 9. Slipped on ice? Of course. 10. Missed the school bus? If I did, you can bet it was intentional. 11. Left the house without my wallet? Many times. 12. Bullied someone on the internet? Nope. 13. Sexted? Nah. 14. Had sex in public? Nope. 15. Played on a sports team? Hell no, sports and me don’t mix. 16. Smoked weed? Nope. 17. Smoked cigarettes? Nope. 18. Smoked a cigar? Nope. 19. Drank alcohol? Yup. 20. Watched “The Breakfast Club”? Surprisingly no. 21. Been overweight? No. 22. Been underweight? Yup. 23. Had an eating disorder? Honestly don’t know. 24. Been to a wedding? Nope. 25. Made fun of someone for being fat? No. 26. Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? That’s basically my life right now. 27. Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Almost definitely. 28. Been late for work? Nope. 29. Been late for school? Too many times. 30. Kissed in the rain? Nope. 31. Showered with someone else? Nope. 32. Failed my driver’s test? Not started learning to drive yet. 33. Ran a mile in less than 10 minutes? As far as I’m aware, hell no. 34. Been outside my home country? Yeah. 35. Been on a road trip longer than 5 hours? No idea, honestly. 36. Had lice? Maybe when I was a kid but I can’t remember. 37. Gotten my heart broken? ...Maybe? 38. Had a credit card? Nope. 39. Been to a professional sports game? Lol, nah, I’m not a sporty person nor part of a sporty family. 40. Broken a bone? Yeah, broke my arm when I was really young. 41. Been unhappy about my weight? Yeah. 42. Won a trophy? HAH, no. 43. Cut myself? Yup. 44. Had an STD? Nope. 45. Got engaged? Nope. 46. Been on a diet? Not that I can remember. 47. Tried out to be on a TV show? Nah. 48. Rode in a taxi? Yup. 49. Been to prom? No, I missed it ‘cause I dropped out. 50. Played a drinking game? Nope. 51. Stayed up for 24 hours or more? Many times. 52. Been to a concert? Like, one. 53. Had a three-some? Nope. 54. Had a crush on someone of the same sex? I think so. 55. Been in a car accident? No. 56. Had braces? Nope. 57. Learned another language? Despite being made to take French and German at school, I still only know English, so no. 58. Killed an animal? No. 59. Been at a yard sale? Nope. 60. Been to a Japanese steakhouse? Nope. 61. Wore make up? Only when I’ve been made to. 62. Talked to someone via webcam? Can’t remember. 63. Lost my virginity before I was 16? Nope. 64. Had my wisdom teeth taken out? Nope. 65. Kissed someone a different race than myself? Nope. 66. Snuck out of the house? Lmao where the fuck would I go, up a tree? No. 67. Bought porn? Nope. 68. Had a virus on my computer? Yup. 69. Had oral sex? Nope. 70. Dyed my hair? Nah. 71. Gone skinny dipping? Nope. 72. Graduated from college? Lmao I’m a drop-out, second time lucky this year..? (No) 73. Wore someone else’s clothes? Nah. 74. Voted in a presidential election? Not American. 75. Rode in an ambulance? Nope. 76. Rode in a helicopter? Nope. 77. Caught the stove on fire? Surprisingly no. 78. Got in a verbal fight? If I have, I can’t remember it. 79. Met someone famous? Kind of..? Depends on your definition of famous. 80. Been on vacation? Yeah. 81. Been on a boat? Yup. 82. Been on an airplane? Yup. 83. Broken something expensive? As far as I can remember, no. 84. Had surgery? If I have, I can’t remember it. 85. Kissed someone before I was 14? Nah. 86. Beat a video game? Yup. 87. Found something valuable on the ground? Not that I can remember. 88. Made a survey? Nope. 89. Stalked someone on a social network? Probably. 90. Prank called someone? No, but I was there when someone else did. 91. Spent over $100 shopping in one day? As far as I can remember, no. 92. Been to a library outside of school? Maybe..? Can’t remember. 93. Cut my hair and hated it? Every haircut I had while I had long hair was a bad haircut. 94. Peed outside? Yeah. 95. Went fishing? Nope. 96. Helped with charity? Yup. 97. Taken a pregnancy test? Nope. 98. Been rejected by a crush? Yup. 99. Been suspended from school? Nope. 100. Broken a mirror? As far as I can remember, no.

...I haven’t done much, okay?

#my posts #tags #if you wanna do this then do it #you've probably led a more exciting life than I have

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robin22nerd · 8 years ago

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92 Truth Tag

Tagged by fxvixen

LAST…

[1] drink: Chocolate Milk!

[2] phone call: That I answered, my mother. If not then a spam phone call.

[3] text message: My boss *gulp*

[4] song you listened to: XD Jai Ho (Pussy Cats)

[5] time you cried: Yikes, I don’t like to cry at all, probably months ago.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: Nope.

[7] been cheated on: no

[8] kissed someone and regretted it: Nope.

[9] lost someone special: Family: Yes, other: No.

[10] been depressed: Probably not.

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: Ha, nope.

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

[12] Brown :D

[13] Emerald Green

[14] Dark grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: Two.

[16] fallen out of love: Nope

[17] laughed until you cried: See above crying questions.

[18] found out someone was talking about you?: I haven’t found out, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

[19] met someone who changed you: Nope

[20] found out who your true friends are: Nope

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: I haven’t even kissed someone before.

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: All, I don’t friend strangers.

[23] do you have any pets: Yes, :) My two cats and my puppy

[24] do you want to change your name: I don’t know what I’d change it too.

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: I got stuck with some relatives I’d don’t really like at my grandmother’s house. It was not very fun.

[26] what time did you wake up: Anywhere between 5:30-6:30 am

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping.

[28] name something you cannot wait for: My next day off.

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: This morning

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: How much money was in my bank account.

[31] what are you listening to right now: Two youtubers playing Obscure 2... (Dangerous to go alone is the channel.)

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ...I don’t think I have actually.

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: People in general.

[34] most visited website: Tumblr and Ovipets. Youtube probably as well.

[35] elementary: Like what I was like? A giant ball of energy with no common sense. But teachers liked me :D

[37] college: An antisocial busybody with no time for friends because of their jobs.

[38] hair colour: Brown.

[39] long or short hair: Long. Should probably get a haircut soon.

[40] do you have a crush on someone: Nope

[41] what do you like about yourself? ...Ask again later?

[42] piercings: Earings, that’s all I have and all I want.

[43] blood type: Not a clue.

[44] nickname: Yes I have those.

[45] relationship status: Single. Seemingly forever alone.

[46] zodiac sign: Capricorn.

[47] pronouns: Female ones.

[48] fav tv show: Bones? I’m enjoy One Piece right now and Case closed will always be a favorite.

[49] tattoos: Ha ha no. (Parents threatened me with sandpaper.)

[50] right or left handed: Right handed.

FIRST…

[51] surgery: Wisdom teeth about two weeks ago.

[52] piercing: I don’t remember when, but I’ve already answered part of this.

[53] best friend: Ask again later.

[54] sport: Probably t-ball.

[55] vacation: Minnesota, lived in a small three bedroom cabin with nine people and two families.

[56] pair of trainers: I’m assuming shoes, if so I don’t own trainers to my knowledge.

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: I had gardettos, but I finished those awhile ago.

[58] drinking: Not currently, had chocolate milk about four hours ago.

[59] i’m about to: Finish these tagged questions.

[60] listening to: Haven’t answered this already?

[61] waiting for: Spanish Class

[62] want: More money to pay off school.

[63] get married: I would like to.

[64] career: Student, Retail associate, kennel staff.

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: I don’t like hugs that much, and I’ve never really kissed romantically and I don’t like friendly/familial kisses... I’d go with hugs for this one XP

[66] lips or eyes: Eyes

[67] shorter or taller: Taller

[68] older or younger: *Shrug*

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: Arms?

[71] sensitive or loud: *Shrug*

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: Probably hesitant, because a trouble maker would probably get me in trouble and I can not deal with that.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger? No

[75] drank hard liquor? Nope.

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses? Nope

[77] turned someone down: Uh? Maybe? Does a kid I hate asking me to prom count?

[78] sex on first date? Ha ha Nope.

[79] broken someone’s heart? Not likely.

[80] had your own heart broken? Nope

[81] been arrested? HA ha no.

[82] cried when someone died? Yes.

[83] fallen for a friend: Nope.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself? I believe I can do things, and usually they end up alright.

[85] miracles? Yah.

[86] love at first sight? Ha ha ha no.

[87] santa claus? I did.

[88] kiss on the first date? *Shrugs*

[89] angels? Yup

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: N/A

[91] eye color: hazel

[92] favorite movie: Atlantis the lost empire :D

I’m probably suppose to tag someone, so you go nonspam blogs that actually follow me! :D All three of you.

#Tag thing #Kind of fun #I'm lonely #Can people tell?#Probably #I'm probably suppose to be witty #I'm not #Not really #I try though...#Except not #I'm a nerd

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ceriousc · 4 years ago

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My Story

Just was watching an Alayna Joy video and it inspired me to talk about me for a minute. If it helps anyone then I'm glad I shared. Even if that one person it helps is just me. Here goes. I'm 42. I'm American. Born and raised here. I actually strongly hate being called African American. British people are just British, Canadians are just that. We are literally the only country doing this race thing. I'm human race and I'm over it. But I digress. When I was a child I was molested. My older teenage cousins male would touch me in places, rub their privates against me, until I thought it was normal. I remember asking an adult about the actual act and not saying it was being done to me. I was told it was called sex and we don't discuss that ever. Eventually it began to happen to me in my life quite often because I was taught so young not to talk about it I didn't. I remember trying to fit in with older female cousins. I was introduced one day to a game called hide n go get it. The rules were explained to me we seperated and we all split up while young boys searched for us in our hiding spaces. During this time I was caught and was told I had to have sex with a boy. I was 8 at the time. I preceded to go along with it. By this time it wasn't a big deal to me after all of the other stuff going on at the time. Everyone ridiculed and laughed at me. 8 years old being called a slut when you haven't even had the opportunity to develop yet. By 13 my aunt was paying me to watch her kids while her and her husband were supposed to go to work on the weekends. It was great. I'd spend from Thursday night to Sunday at their house. Early one morning after my aunt left for work. It had to be around 5:30ish in the morning, I was woken up by my nightshirt being pulled up and someone pressing their entire body on top of mine. Private being rubbed against my butt hands clasped over mind. Face down almost suffocating inside a pillow. There was a conversation on the way home later. I was told I was attractive. I know I wanted it. We were together now. This was my new hell. After a couple times I couldn't take it. I told someone and apparently I found out years later that an adult overheard and I was bragging about this. Mine you I was 13 at the time. He was in his 30's and married to my aunt and they had children together. But it was my fault I was bragging. I'm off track again. Anyway I stopped going over. He sent me roses and a card. My mother was immediately like what the hell. This isn't something am uncle sends to his niece. I tell her what happened. She believed me. We went to the police. I wasn't a virgin. Strike one. He is military. He took a polygraph test and passed. I get free counseling he gets nothing. My aunt later finds out he's on drugs. They get a divorce he leaves. He then marries a 17 year old girl. He's late 30's. Atleast she's legal but I'm a homewrecker now. I literally spend the rest of my teenage years being drunk and promiscuous. I realized early on in life that I was a lesbian. This was me punishing myself. Hating myself and just believing this is what I deserved. I remember crying and being depressed and self harming. Some people actually told my Mom I was a witch. I don't know why or where that came from but yeah my life. 15 I discovered strippers living on the next street over from my house. I was in heaven. That became my new hangout spot. I would give them back rubs, go to the store for their props ( honey, whip cream, baby oil etc.) I also got to take money at the door, take money in the kitchen while handing out plates of food and drinks. I did have to wear a button down white shirt tied up under my breast and short shorts. I had a grown up body by then. The owner wanted me to sleep with him but at that time I didn't care. I was making money and hanging around good looking totally naked women. School was horrible. I was the known slut. Home was even worse because well same. This house and job were my only outlet. My saviour from suicide. Until people who knew my family eventually told them that I was a dancer there which wasn't even true. But my life changed drastically after. I called that my rock bottom moment. I remember watching a show when I was an adult and the character said just because I'm next to hookers and dressed fancy doesn't mean I'm a hooker. I couldn't help but laugh because it's insane but so very accurate. I was so depressed I would cry all of the time. I wanted to die so badly. I remember praying to be ugly so guys would just leave me alone. If I were fat and ugly then no one would want me. My life would be better. So I stopped dieting, exercising, showering. Anything healthy I stopped doing it. Sad to say that carried over into my adulthood but we are still at teenaged me who now bad getting teased for bad hygiene. I eventually kind of cleaned up my act by junior year so I had to be 16 going on 17. I got accepted into a vocational during the morning and regular school the afternoon. I also got a job. A real tax write off job. So I wasn't drinking, I was pretty decent with my hygiene. No one told me about shaving or importance of skin care or just taking care of yourself in general. I was pretty good though. I had a steady boyfriend. Yep trying to fit in again. I wasn't doing good at school at this time. Bullying was a huge problem so I just started going to work after vocational school. Got incompletes like I thought so I just went to summer school and aced my classes. My steady boyfriend was upset because we weren't having sex. Sex became something I associated with depression and anger. It's a punishment. I didn't get why he was so upset we weren't doing that. Also he'd buy me flowers and make hair and nail appointments for me. I kept wondering why because when we met nothing about me said I was into those things. The only time I would dress up was if I had to for our class interviews or presentations. He started popping up at my job to surprise me with gifts and just get upset because he couldn't find me. Then it would turn into I came up to your job you said you were working where were you. My job I could've been doing a number of things. Cleaning out break room stalls in the back. We couldn't hear speakers back there and at that time loudspeakers were all we had. I hated doing cashiering so I avoided that typically anyone so I'd probably be outside waiting for stock trucks so I can do that. Outside can't loud speakers therefore can't get called to the register. We ended up breaking up after he proposed and we just realized we weren't right for each other. He was a great guy he just wasn't for me. I went back to punishing myself though. Blamed myself for our break up. My grades suffered, I lost my job, and just went to bad habits which included sleeping around again. Also went back to the strippers because they brought me joy. This older guy with money started checking me out. I ended up sleeping with him. It became a thing. I ran away from home and started living on his house boat. It was great at first. I was 17 with my own space. My mom was running around the neighborhood with posters asking have you seen this girl. I was a piece of shit for that. Yes I know. We left Michigan and we took a few strippers with us and moved to Florida. It was wild. The guy bought me clothes and other stuff I needed but he kept hinting at us starting a family. I was trying to figure my shit out. It scared me. We were in Pensacola Fl. When I got hit for the first time. My jaw and eye were swollen. I thought some of my teeth got knocked out too but they were still intact. We argued alot. Faught for a week and then he raped me. I thought the molestation was bad but being raped is 100 times worse. I can't even describe it. My friend immediately came when I called. I didn't want a hospital, no police, I just wanted to shower forever and die. That was my plan. Shower and die. I finally healed enough on the outside that I went home to my parents. I got home and didn't tell anyone about him. Hey I ran to Florida with some strippers. Think whatever you want. I couldn't stay at my house for long. I was having a hard time dealing with anything. Guy kept calling threatening my life and with everything else happening I left again. A guy I would hangout with was still a virgin I thought he was nice. He liked me he was going to Lansing for awhile. I went with him and his family. Me and him were sharing a room we had sex. He didn't see how painful that first time after messed with my head. I smiled got up hopped in the shower and balled my eyes out. Just cried until he knocked on the door. I didn't have any clothes so I had to share with him. I big breast and was walking around with a football Jersey and no bra looking like trash. That's how I was treated. He was nice. He bought me food, and anything that I needed he was cool about. He didn't know the Florida stuff I was dealing with. He knew what was going on at home but he didn't get to find out about Florida. No one did until now. I ended up finding out he was related to me. It's so important to find out your history for reasons like this. So yeah we ended up being cousins. I ended going to prom with my cousin as just my cousin although we had already slept together. Took pictures got my yearbook signed. The next day I joined the Navy. I had a whole year to train and get back in shape. I didn't do that. By the time the departure date came around I had changed my mind about going. I was told I signed up and I had to go. I found out later that wasn't true. There I was in the military. Not shaven. Terrible hygiene. Just overall terrible human being. Not into this. Hate authority figures. Can't stand rules of any kind. So we get haircuts. Uniforms. I rage first atleast two weeks straight. There is only 8. I see some women that I'm attracted to out of 80 women it was bound to happen. Then we have to run. Running was always horrible for me and I found out why. In the Navy where we run every morning. I had an asthma attack. They gave me treatment. I went to my barracks. More running another attack. I forget what day or what week stuff happens but I still get PTSD from coming on my period there. Outside no bathroom around. Immediate bathroom that is. Anyway my period came early. Probably due to stress. Messed up my uniform. There are certain days for you to wash your clothes. People have to clean those washers and dryers probably if they are not cleaned properly the whole crew gets demerits. My menstrual has always been horrible. Military was 10 times worse. I made it through to the end of the menstrual. I was constantly told my hair was growing too fast I needed it cut again. Didn't do that. Couldn't fold my bedding correctly. Was told to shave for swimming I didn't do that either. I know what you are thinking. I agree. I'm there with you. Hygiene has always been a struggle for me. It's my defense mechanism. It's how put a wall up since I can't put a physical one up. I ended up stepping on this girls foot who I didn't know while marching and wearing steel toe boots. We clicked immediately. Fast friends. I fell in love shortly after and didn't know it. I just knew I had to always be around her. I remember once going to the shower. I saw her waiting in line. The way we did showers were two people to a stall. I would've had to shower with her if I hadn't turned around and traded clean up days with a friend so I could shower last and alone. Later before I could jump into bed she asked me why I left showers. I completely played the wtf are you talking about card. She's like I saw you walk in. I'm like oh I didn't see you. I forgot something then just decided to study some more for that test tomorrow. Now everyone knew I didn't do the physical part of training before bootcamp but I memorized that entire book we were given by our recruiter. Basically I just could skim it and it would all come back to me. Graciously she let it go and I went to bed but this kept going for weeks. One day she finally said I know a girl back home like you. I was horrified and shocked. I never had been with a woman, hadn't kissed a girl, nothing with a girl except love her from afar so when she called me on it I was speechless. I went to bed. We had a qualifying run the next day and I think my panic attack I was already having, mixed with asthma attack, and almost became a heartattack. Either way I was told right before graduating and after receiving awards for most improved cadet that I had to leave. 7th week 2nd day only five more days to go. I wouldn't graduate. We laid in bed and I got to hold her and tell her goodbye as we cried. She didn't love me but we were friends and I still miss her dearly. My life didn't get much better after that. I was eventually diagnosed with bipolar depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I did some terrible things in my life. I had some terrible things done to me. I came out as bi after bootcamp. I was raped two more times. I have grown to try and deal with it. Alot of people blame me identifying as lesbian now as it has or had something to do with me being raped or molested. I can honestly say that for as long as I can remember I've always loved women. I've always been attracted to women. I have acknowledged a man being handsome. I have consentually dated and slept with men. I just realized when I became older those moments were never for the right reasons. Everyone story is different. Your isn't going to be my story. You might hate everything that I've said. That's fine if you do. Your a human being. You matter.. Your ideas matter and I love you for your diversity! Love one another!!

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