#got 99 problems but this specific bitch ain’t one now!!!

[alienmeatwallet]

bro this man who SHATTERED my heart almost exactly 18 months ago and who’s memory still occasionally causes a stir of sadness has VOTED FOR THE ORANGE MAN. BIGGEST ICK EVER!!!!!! YES LORD FREE ME OF THESE SHACKLES!!!!!

[activelytaemin]

growing pains [lee taemin]

◇ lee taemin x fem! reader

angst-ish? | college!au | non-idol!au

warnings: mature language, unedited

2.0k April 8th, 2021

everything written in this story is completely FICTION. i personally do not believe that this story aligns with any of the idol’s real lives. ultimately, this story is not meant to intentionally defame any idol in any way.   

chapter one [congratulations, but not really]

Dear {Y/N},

Congratulations! I am pleased to offer you admission to the University of California, Riverside for fall 2021.

the golden word congratulations lit up y/n’s eyes as she screamed falling into her brother’s arms.  tears emerged from her eyes realizing that she would finally leave the colorful city of busan for the sunny shores of california; this was a cultural reset that guaranteed her an infinite amount of memories to come.  

“i did it! jimin, i studied so hard”, she sobbed, grasping onto his slim frame.  “it feels worth it like—“, she paused to wipe her tears with her sleeves, “all my late nights, immense sacrifices, and good grades have made this worth it.”  

jimin rolled his eyes playfully and lightly pushing her off of him. “yeah, of course you made it in”, he scoffed jokingly, “we’re a family geniuses. you weren’t raised to be a dumbass.” he ruffled her hair before y/n grabbed his wrist.  

“i guess that’s why both of my brothers are stuck here—“, y/n held his hand lovingly before sarcastically stabbing his back, “especially the one named park jimin, he didn’t get accepted into any ivy’s or safety’s. now he’s stuck going to an online university.” she released his hand before smiling to truly appreciate him, “but all jokes aside, i couldn’t have done this without you.”

her mind wandered to the thought of sunny california. the excitement built up in her like air filling a balloon. there were nerves trapped within because this sense of curiosity and control was foreign.

would there be snow? 

what types of people would there be? 

how perfect does my english have to sound?

there were several wonders because south korea was engrained to her memory.  for the past eighteen years, korea was her home. there would be no more hanboks on seoullal, honorifics for friends, and (most importantly) her beloved family.  without her family, she wanted to venture on the outside on her own. yet, there would always be a yearn for the feeling of home. the universe finally served her freedom on a platter. she could finally leave the nest to fly.

was she ready for it?

“y/n, don’t forget that you won’t be alone. taemin goes to riverside too”, jimin’s loud mouth interrupted y/n’s thoughts.  soon enough, all her freedom had crashed and burned. she was caged once again. 

her imagination was left to torment her. when she heard his name, a roaring fire lit up within her because of her discomfort; the fire will never go out.

scars can heal, but y/n’s are deep as ever.  like an evergreen, scars can everlasting.

“taemin—i thought he was in new york?”, she questioned with a sense of worry. “i haven’t seen him since he graduated, and i don’t really like him at all. are you guys still friends? ”, an awkward laugh slipped out. she was quite uncomfortable at the mention of taemin, and her confession proved it all.

there was something about taemin that irked her soul. whether it was the memory of his being or thought of him physically, taemin would forever be an uncomfortable and undesirable person to talk about.

she remembers the day taemin walked in and out of her life.  

it seemed so sudden.

he never wanted to cause pain, but he left her with the sharpness of his trauma.  whatever was rooted in his cruel being had isolated her from her well being.

it was one thing for taemin to make y/n happy in secrecy. however, y/n had to suffer in secrecy once taemin had walked out because nobody knew the depth of her adoration for him.

jimin groaned before taking a deep breath to keep his composure. “one, taemin has been my best friend since 2015. two, he had to transfer because he had a change of mind—”, he let out a brief laugh, “well, that’s what he says—and three, it’s him or mom watching you.” 

he was taken aback by her dislike for his friend.  in his mind, he believed that y/n would be quite fond of a familiar face.  however, he let it go believing it was just another “girl problem.”

little did he know, taemin was a disaster that filled y/n’’s life with hundreds problems. 

jay-z once said, “i got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one.” for y/n, taemin was the 99 problems and she was “the bitch.”

the seriousness in jimin’s tone was irritating to y/n, almost strangle-worthy. he doesn’t understand her dislike for him. in fact, he has a “bromance” with taemin.

to others, taemin is a cool and collected young man that seemed shy to the world while being confident to his friends.  jimin often saw his confident side, and that allowed jimin’s mind to feel as if taemin was heavenly.

to jimin, taemin had an aura about him that he couldn’t explain.  it drew him in. 

maybe it was because he was simply older than jimin.  or, he could’ve just been build with extra charm.

as much as y/n didn’t like jimin’s praise for taemin, she didn’t want her mom babysitting her because she is simply too grown to have her around. sometimes mother’s can be suffocating; they can control many aspects of your life.  it was a valid fear for y/n to have, and she was scared that jimin was going to follow in those footsteps.

jimin didn’t know any history between taemin and y/n.  he doesn't know she constructs taemin to be evil because he took advantage of her innocence. sadly in her heart, she believes the thought of him is bad for her health because he hurt her.

taemin is a monster. an emotionless, compassionless man who does not know how to love.

but, everyone is naive because they don’t understand his evil like y/n does.  

taemin does put up a front to the world, while y/n gets to see all of him at her own risk.

“i love mom, but you’re right”, she laughed in agreement. for jimin’s sake, y/n lied to him and herself, “i’ll take taemin any day.”

“yeah, but don’t forget to wear a mask. nobody wants covid in the states. you don’t have insurance”, jimin scoffed before y/n hit his back playfully.

jimin yelped in pain, “literally what the fuck? you’re a demon.”

 september 20th, 2021

the plane to california was unbearably long and did not comfort her senses.  although she did not mind wearing a mask, the uncertainty of her health on that flight kept her up the full thirteen hours. everyone was spaced out, but the enclosed space made her claustrophobic. normally, her senses are grounded. however, the pandemic blows everyone out of proportion and brings out a little bit of paranoia as well.

y/n was wearing a pink surgical mask to contrast with her plain wardrobe. before she left for california, she chose a long black coat, oversized uc riverside hoodie, and black jeans with her basic converse. she was trying to blend in with every other college freshman on move-in day.

a memory flew into her mind. while on the plane, the remembrance of what home felt like tugged at her.  the pain of missing someone never settled inside of her; the feeling was foreign because the past experiences weren’t genuine. or maybe, she is uncomfortable with missing someone or something because of insecurity within.

before y/n left, her mom hugged her tightly before sending her off with tears; love can be unconditional when it comes to your family.  on the other hand, y/n heard jimin laugh at his mom while giving a wave goodbye; hiding your worries with comedy makes you more worried at times. jimin was obviously good at hiding himself, but he made himself overly awkward this time.

when she knew she was saying goodbye, y/n didn’t feel anything because leaving was thought out to be normal. her mind didn't think her immigration would be sad. it was surprising to see her mother sad, but also the uncomfortable atmosphere jimin brought.

a ding from the intercom sounded off, “we will be beginning our decline to los angeles.  the fastened seat belt sign is now on for your personal safety. please remain seated during this time”, the voice was followed by another ding via the intercom.

as the plane began its descent, y/n gripped one of her armrests while closing her eyes. sadly, the feeling of traveling alone was brand new, not in a bad way. perhaps, the butterflies her stomach arose because she was going to be around a familiar face that makes her uncomfortable.

y/n wishes to hide away the memories of the two of them as if their world's never collided. in her mind, lee taemin was just another problematic teenage memory to get rid of

in summer 2018, the air was different. it was heavy, and the atmosphere was lethargic.  in the moment, y/n felt specifically upset as if the universe decided to rip out a significant amount of reality; the universe ripped something out, indeed.

lee taemin, long-term lover, graduated early behind her back.  suddenly, he is getting up to leave for new york. 

“i can’t believe you are leaving for college already”, her teeth bit her bottom lip before she felt his warmth encase her. tears were pouring down her face while creating a hurricane of bleeding makeup and anger.  “you can’t keep doing this to me. you told me no more fucking secrets!”, she gripped onto his waist before silently crying into him.

“i think you knew that this was bound to happen”, taemin brought a hand to her face, caressing her cheek to wipe away the tears. “the only difference between you and i is that we’ll be boarders apart.”

“i didn’t know this was your plan. you just dropped this huge ass bomb on me today!”, she aggressively pulled his hand down to suddenly push him away.  “taemin, this isn’t just about you. my love for you is real.”, she took a breath to let out a sarcastic laugh. 

“i love you”, her heart ached saying those words.  more tears came out of her eyes before she quietly croaked out with a general shakiness in her demeanor, “do you feel the same way at all?”

taemin shook his head, scoffing slightly. he grazed the back of her hand with his lips. no words were exchanged between them.

y/n was standing there confused, waiting for him to say something. even if the words were, "i don't love you."

however, his response never came, and his thoughts seemed distant. it was like taemin resisted y/n's desire and compassion for him.

the silence between the two filled the air. it finally hit her that his love was no longer apparent, and his place in their relationship became nonexistent.

just like that, taemin walked out the door breaking y/n’s heart as if it was glass. from her eyes, it truly didn’t feel as if he gave a damn to begin with. 

it was unreal, but most definitely her reality.

in her mind she is screaming because taemin makes her feel alive in the worst way possible. he is unbearable to think about because he is a reminder of everything that has gone wrong with love.

he is only a distant memory that she wishes to burn.

fuck love.

but most importantly— fuck you, lee taemin.

[rennyji]

July 13th tweets...

July 13th tweets...

So I like all music that sounds good. From Rap to Becky G singing her song “Shower.”

Now, regarding Rap, some of the wording can make things awkward. I was blasting 99 problems remix from Jay Z feat Linkin Park. While listening, I’m at a red light in Tuckahoe. An elderly Caucasian woman walks across the street in front of my car, and Jay Z yells, “Ive got 99 problems but a b*tch ain’t one…” I can only imagine what goes through that old lady’s mind.

now from jay z’s perspective, in what older white men would call street language, when you think about it, from that one line, hes saying he has a slew of problems, but he’s so good or suave with women that, that part of his life is set…so in the spirit of expressions among some men like: “b*tches be trippin…” , it’s a crude way of referring to women for the sake of what is understood and accepted as cool.

Regardless,”99 problems” and the Linkin park remix really stimulate you or is invigorating. So it’s hard not to listen to it for the yelling and the tunes.

Then there’s DMX, God bless his soul.

While he sings”X Gon give it to ya” or even “Lord Give Me A Sign”,he also sings a song (I forget the name…oh yeah…it’s called “X is Coming” by DMX), where one of the lyrics is about how someone crossed him, pushes him, and how he lets his rage and anger manifest in threats. How does he express this? Well for one thing, he says he’ll shoot this guys wife…ummm ok. But then he says, if the guy who messed with him, has a daughter, and she’s 15 (he specifically mentions her as 15), DMX says, he, a grown man, will rape the 15 year old daughter. I mean WTF?! But maybe like poetry, you can’t take it literally, and you gotta see “what he means” or “where this hate?! Is coming from.” To rape a 15 year old daughter, words can’t express his hate for the dad or the offender, so he chooses those words.

“Hes basically saying, if you f*k with him, he won’t stop short of killing you. But he wants to take it a step further and say he is so spiteful, that he will screw you and ur entire family. Point being, don’t f*k with him.”

Even then, though I get where he’s going with lyrics, isn’t raping a 15 year old, pedophilia? Where there’s a Will, there’s a way, and there’s always more than one way to do something or say something. If he wants to express hate, why is this grown man talking that way about 15 year old girls?! I felt awkward with the elderly white woman walking in front of my car at Jay Z saying, I got 99 problems, but a b*tch ain’t one. It would be humiliating if that elderly white woman walked by my car while DMX expresses his hate toward haters, by talking about raping 15 year olds. I mean geez, WTF?! On a comical note, based on “what’s” said and “how” it’s said, theres the song “Last Night”by Diddy and Keyshia Cole. You gotta wonder how Keyshia Cole goes along with Diddy monologuing at the end of the song with :

“

Hello

Hey what's up?

I've been tryin' to reach you all night

That shit ain't funny not picking up the mutha fuckin' phone

Better stop fucking playing with a n*gga's feelings like that

You know how much I love you though right?

But for those couple of seconds though,

When I couldn't get in touch with you.

I'm ready to come over your house and shoot that mutha fucker up

You fuckin' dumb bitch

You better fuckin' not be there when I get over that house

[laughing]

That's really how it goes down right?”

Then there’s rap like from the artist, “Nas.” He has a song called “I can.” 

It’s inspirational, it has a message, the tune or background music just needs to be catchier. 

These rap songs need catchier, classier, diction along with trending or catchy tunes/music.

---

And then there’s Eminem, with “The Way I Am” song.

Part of the lyrics go:

“I don't know you, and no, I don't owe you a mothafuckin' thing

I'm not Mr. N'Sync, I'm not what your friends think

I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick if you tempt me

My tank is on empty, no patience is in me

And if you offend me, I'm lifting you ten feet in the air

I don't care who was there and who saw me just jaw you

Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit

I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe

I'm tired of all you, I don't mean to be mean

But that's all I can be, it's just me

And I am whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the paper, the news, every day I am

Radio won't even play my jam

'Cause I am whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the paper, the news, every day I am, huh

I don't know, it's just the way I am”

While I’m about networking, by my core nature of a Libran (only inanimate object in the zodiac: the scales of justice), while I’m about people coming to me, talking to me, me talking to them, I hear this song and wonder about instances where the orchestrators filter what I’m saying or use it for their ends. I think about the instructions given to people under the delusion of “wtf?!” Assisting me?! Did anyone think of talking to me and telling me what’s going on, instead of the signs in a delusional scenario that is the definition of conspiracies and leaning toward what some doctors would see as paranoid schizophrenia?! I mean WTF?!  So there’s that part about not owing anything to anyone. If ur just a stranger randomly eavesdropping into my life, then until you speak to me, I don’t know you, I’m not ur friend NOR ur enemy- I mean that’s reality, that’s what the song gets at, that’s how human relationships start out.

I’m writing this, not because I’m presently mad, but because I’m relating to words in a rap song by, a somebody: Eminem. I’m nobody, minding his own business. They blame Eminem for being mean or aggressive with lyrics. But in my “situation” and adult years, I see a guy talking about dealings with human nature, while trying to fix things with his wife, and do everything he can for his daughter. Ive said before, anger can be a source of fuel for ur goals or to get a point across. I mean, under this retarded “make him a role model type hero cr*p, for the no culture or no British style class that is America”, the orchestrators like to press my buttons. The extent they go with pushing buttons is -I’m not just saying this- a type of evil that the mind just can’t digest or grasp.  That’s a bit of info my brain cannot process, grasp, or comprehend. There’s something worse than the teenage type sounds projected or whatever it is that others hear- I keep saying that.

But it’s like Gospel, they have eyes, but don’t see, ears: and don’t hear…

the orchestrators you know about, are so arrogant with thinking they control every aspect of my life, they need to consider where they’re not. They push me, and like Eminem’s rap, “push me/tempt me, then I’m lifting you ten feet in the air…”

I went for the path of computer science and engineering instead of being a doctor like my brother. I would joke to people ages ago, “I don’t have the ‘patience’ to deal with ‘patients.’ ” People are so complicated…language difficulties, talking to non native English speakers, cultural differences,filters they have in their heads/biases, stereotypes they believe in- I mean what a headache. The orchestrators have people believing I’m friendless loser, while they actively keep people away from me. But in the words of Eminem, whatever f*ers, “I am whatever you say I am…”

---

In “Gangstas paradise” by Coolio, there’s one part of the song that goes “you don’t know what’s going on in the kitchen…” it’s incredible what speaks to you in ur adult years…cuz clearly I’m thug…I mean even with all the mind cr*p and technology, not because of ego or arrogance or pride, you and the orchestrators don’t know what’s truly going on in my head, in my house, wherever.

Like rap, I am the meaning behind the lyrics.

---

From The original Hulk/1st ever version of the Hulk movie soundtrack, great themes or scores. Also a great song called “set me free”

“Hey Mama” - one of my favorite songs from Nicki Minaj to blast out while driving…

Great Running music - “Confident” - I think by Demi Lovato … another song of hers that I like “Really Don’t Care”: like that part of the song with the words and background music to “even if the stars and moon collide…”

I miss Beyoncé in Destiny’s Child with songs like “Survivor” … I feel it gets the same point across as DMX’s “X is Coming” without some of the questionable ideas in his lyrics…

---

Haiku Asian Bistro in Bronxville lets you eat a quality variety of East Asian food in a New York City feel…about the NYC feel, I dunno, sitting by the window, watching the traffic of people walk by, along with cars, through those windows, in that bar type low light setting: make you feel or made me feel like I’m in a restaurant in the city…going on a 2 month diet as I’m hideously obese, so while I miss and crave sesame chicken with fried rice, I hope you enjoy quality food as such…

Speaking of which…my family and me got used to sesame chicken over general Tsos chicken, when craving Chinese…I feel everyone in America, including my New York and Texas based cousins, always order General Tso Chicken over Sesame Chicken…I mean why?! Who started that trend?! Though essentially the same, I prefer and am an advocate of Sesame Chicken.

---

Though I’m obsessed with leaving the AC on all day/everyday because of the cool energizing air and the sound of the breeze type air blow, I recently found that my TaoTronics standing tower fan isn’t a bad alternative. I think I have the TaoTronics desk lamp too. I believe I have their standing tower heater but just didn’t have the motivation or energy to try it out…probably as awesome as the desk light and fan…I’m thinking, from my own experience, TaoTronics, and a lot of Asian made products are good stuff or sourced in great ideas. With some of the products I’ve run into recently, what I’m realizing is this:

China now has some great ideas and products, but sometimes you have to return or exchange those awesome ideas because some things were manufactured differently or as defective. Maybe they don’t have the money for better manufacturing plants…I think people should invest there. I mean they have some great ideas and technology for compression massagers for just about everywhere in your body.

Now proud Americans may not like this, as well as what I’ll say next: with the products I’ve encountered recently, America gives off the feel or notion that everything is manufactured identically and the places where things are manufactured are quality factories…but here’s the part probably not liked: from my searches on Amazon, it would seem America lacks the ideas , or innovation, or imagination, that the Chinese are indicating in their products and technology-I mean check out the head massager helmet from Breo. Helps with falling asleep. It’s from a Chinese manufacturer and looks futuristic and the concept works. My only complaint about it was, I had to go through 4 returns, before getting a helmet that was free of manufacturing defects (i.e. some you couldn’t see thru the helmet, some had a part moving inside when moving the helmet up and down, some overheated on one side of the heated helmet while the opposite side was left cold, etc.). It’s like Doc Browns attitude in Back to the Future. With respect to something not looking like it works, 1950s Doc Brown says “no wonder…it’s made in Japan.” Marty McFly responds, “watiya talking about Doc?!…all the best things are made in Japan.” People may feel like Doc Brown about Chinese products right now, but the hard work and imagination of the Chinese will find themselves in Marty’s way of seeing things. I mean these people, be it Chinese, Korean, all East Asian born Asians, tackle every nook and crannie in their hard work. They need opportunities. Not so sure about the ABC’s or the American born East Asians, but those born in Asia and immigrating here, at least people Ive bumped into (as I’m not gonna generalize), they really give their jobs 110%. (To my fellow ABC’s, by Indian standards, I’m an A-B-C-“D” or American Born Confused Desi, so nothing malicious intended, its just in admiration over our immigrant counterparts. They are the living definitions of the “immigrant work ethic.”). I recently went for a men’s pedicure after seeing Will Smith talk about it on an episode of the fresh prince of bel air. The woman who attended to me was Chinese and I just couldn’t help but notice how much detail and energy she puts into the task. I also once had a Chinese masseuse. I was sore all over and wanted to try the “firm” massage. Ive never experienced so much effort, force, and energy. It makes you want to friend people like that. Pride aside, I think a lot can be learned from their discipline, hard work, imagination, and ideas. 

But a thought…

---

So, in my search for non coffee based sources of energy that last long and don’t make you crash, I found things like “Kion Coffee,” Trader Joe’s “Well Rested Tea” (as it turns out Trader Joe’s sells its own interesting varieties of teas), the $4.99 or $3.99 “Rebbl”brand Plant  Based Energy and/or Protein Drinks, and the $2.99 version of Smart Water Renew. Smart Water Renew is composed of dandelions (yeah, freakin’ dandelions give energy!!!) and lemon flavor. But it is ridiculously expensive for one bottle and isn’t available at Shop Rite. I found it at Wegmans in - I think- Harrison, NY, through the InstaCart app. As dandelions seem to be the key, I typed dandelion in the Amazon app, and realize there is a dandelion tea…I hope it gives the same focus as the Smart Water Renew…I mean the tea you can buy in bulk…why are the healthy coffee alternatives expensive?!-I’m assuming it’s because people don’t know about these things and not enough people buy them…

---

Perhaps u’ve heard, “Why worry about tomorrow, when each day has its own concerns.” It’s said, look how God clothes the flowers of the field-that not even King Solomon, in all his splendor, was dressed so beautifully. Are we not more than flowers?!, as is asked. My grandmother would say, when career concerns were expressed, that if God made a person with a mouth, He will also give every mouth created, food to eat-to elaborate: everyone is provided for. I mean “Seek and you will find.” Put in some effort, however so, at least through a prayer or a hopeful/positive thought. I believe everyone, in life, gets what they need, for all that their respective lives throw at them.

Some people may have more things in appearance, but you may have less because you’re that much innately stronger and don’t require as much. While I’m no one, as a small example, since I was in Kindergarten, I could never sit comfortably with my legs folded. The position in yoga is called sukhasana. As a need grew, when I was older, to sit in that position for yoga and meditation, I feel life led me to find the “Alexia Meditation seat” and the means to buy that expensive seat, enabling me to sit long hours with my legs folded. I feel, if we have some faith and do our part, God or The Universe, will provide for us and take care of our needs/desires through direct means, or indirectly, by giving us the needed mental faculties and abilities to achieve our desires.

---

[seenashwrite]

Hey! So I'm finally writing a fic, and it's gonna be pretty long (from how it's been going XD). SO I was wondering when it's time to make it a 2 part series, and when I should stop part one. Because I honestly do not know what's a really good cliffhanger and what's just bad. Thanks for reading!!!!!!!

I have no idea when you wrote this, sweets, and Imma answer even though I caution I’m still stumbling into recovery from that case of the zombies I contracted. 

So. Ooof. Cliffhangers. Well.  I mean, they don’t…… the whole….. y’know, the BOOOOOM!! and/or GAAAASP!! type of thing….. I just..... yeah, I can’t be completely diplomatic about this topic. For ol’ Nash, here, I gotta say:

99% of cliffhangers suck it big time.

So, okay, PICTURE IT: we’re winding down to the end of a given chunk of the story [or the TV show’s season finale, or the movie, whatevs] and I’ve successfully imagined myself in the scenario, that protagonist O.C. character or reader insert is speaking to me, I’m tracking with the plot, I’m sold baby, I AM ALL THE WAY FREAKIN’ IN, ergo in that scene…..

….I’m on the second floor of an abandoned house, I’m a little impatient, maybe a touch nervous or annoyed, and every time I fidget, rock back on my heels, the weathered floorboards under the threadbare carpet creak, and now on top of everything I’d swear I just heard the click of the doorknob echo down the hallway, only I know Sam’s way out in the backyard and Dean should still be out front grabbing more shells from the car, so I gasp and shudder and my eyes go wide as I’m frozen to the spot, watching that knob on the door not but a hop-skip away from me turn, aaaaaaand CUT TO BLACK.

Hmmmm.

See, the problem cutting off with something like that - y'know, inferring there’s gonna be some legit cliff plummeting jazz - is I’m not gonna buy it. I’m just not. Because (a) you ain’t gonna kill me/my character, and (b) you ain’t killing Sam and/or Dean.

Unless you ARE, in which case? Don’t even go within the realm of cliffhanger, stick with pure drama genre, and keep it to a one-and-done vs. series, otherwise it comes off as…. I don’t even know the word…. Flippant? Gimmicky?  

Specifically what I mean, and I’ll use the visual medium as example: the garbage of ending a given season - or “series”, depending on your locale - of a show [that we’re all well aware is renewed] or a movie [that we’re all well aware is part of a triology/“universe”, and/or is based off of a book series/comics] with a faux death, it’s just—–

Pardon me for a sec.

[Reaches into the always-stocked water balloon basket that lives in a corner of the front porch of The NashHole©℗™, just behind the swing; picks up a real nice fatty; launches in direction of window; lands with a beautiful splat]

Apologies, I’m having a helluva time waving down the interns to refill my iced tea, and Cas, my non-dead angel buddy who’s sitting beside me, wants another unicorn frappucino, because he’s not dead, no one ever believed he was dead, of course he wasn’t dead, and we’ve been out here swaying in the breeze, adding to the ever-growing list of ways that S12 could’ve ended without cheap deaths [cough Crowley], without poorly implied deaths [cough Mary], and without completely transparently faux deaths [cough Cas], and just have been, y'know, *better*.

Cliffhangers-that-ain’t are frustrating, and it immediately cuts me down to 50/50 in terms of if I’ll continue on watching, or - for the present topic - reading. This is a MAJOR reason why - in fanfic land - I don’t care for most episode/season re-writes [I’ve perused lots of them; only 2 or 3 have made The Nail].  Why? Most rehash what I/we already know, just painting over it with the brush of the author’s watercolor personal desires, no spin or creative angle taken. It’s that whole thing of them trying to craft suspense where there is none. I know where this road leads. I walked that road with the author when I saw the ep, and not just me, about 2+ million of us. Or more, I don’t keep up with ratings.

[Psssst….. anyone curious as to how to do this “right”, RE: being inventive & not simply re-hashing — please do see the offerings at “How It Should’ve Ended”; more recent ones that tickled me have been WW and Jurassic World and Rogue One and X-Men: Apocalypse]

So, that’s Nash Cliffhanger Advisement #1: I’ve no doubt it can be done well, even though I can’t think of an occasion where I’ve seen it & not been at least partially eye-rolly about it. I’m also having no doubt that:

(A) If you do wanna give it a whirl, probs shouldn’t be done on every part because that’ll get old; and

(B) A sure thing would be to keep it to a single story if you’re looking to shock, don’t drag it out - I’d rather have a 10K one-shot that delivers on drama than a bunch of filler added to it for the sake of trying [and potentially failing] to make it suspenseful by expanding it into a series.  #Fic Wreck 

Speaking of those, mild confession time. There exists a folder, filled with tales that wrecked me, ones I caught on my dash or were sent to me or I was tagged in, that have >100 notes, some in the near-thousands count, which were so bad I hurt myself laughing. I proceeded to cut-and-paste the most heinous parts into a document, all so that when I have those times when I’m beating myself up over nit-picky sh*t in my stories & need a break, I go to Fic Wrecks©℗™, and I laugh, and I remind myself Hey, Nash, pump the brakes, people are pretty f*cking forgiving, apparently. 

This might make me a bitch. I also have a doc full of reader feedback on my stuff, both good and bad, which I read when I need a reminder of what works, what hasn’t, and that more often than not, a tidy chunk of people dig what I write. This might make me a mechabitch. I’m sleeping alright.

I bring this up to lead into Nash Cliffhanger Advisement #2 : Check out other stuff.

I know, this is in direct contrast to my writer’s block advice, part of which was to *not* read.  In this case, there’s not block; for me,this is more to the editing end of things. I’m not concerned with an accidental “lift” or “light bulb” that piggybacks off of someone else’s plot/spin/thing because at this point, I’m assuming it’s all fleshed out, you know where the story’s going, any twists/mysteries have been accounted for, etc.

Revisit fanfic that you’ve read that had more than one part, preferably ones whose plots you still remember fairly well so that you can scroll right to the bottom of part 1, read the last couple paragraphs, then hit the first bit of part 2, scroll to bottom, and so on.  

Do you tag your own stuff, like with #fic rec, perhaps?  If not, lots of peeps do - this seems to be a suuuuuper common tag, at least, that I’ve seen.  Go cruise some blogs you like, see if that pops any small multi-parters for you to check out.  

Or, think on book series. Looking back, having read the whole shebang, do you ever think “Jeez, why did the author cut it off there, then pick it up here?” And then another view to take, how’s that have been made into movies? Then ask yourself “Why did the movie-makers choose to cut it there and have the next movie pick up here?” 

I have no idea what you’ve read and then if you’ve gone on to watch their visual counterparts, but here’s a handful off the top of my head....

Narnia

Hunger Games

Lord of the Rings/Hobbit

50 Shades

Harry Potter

Twilight

Divergent

Maze Runner

Basically, in your mind, could they have done it better or did they nail it?

And speaking of nailing it, going back to the written word, thumb through the series/multi-parters on The Nail - remember, 99% of the time I’m not reading series on there in their entirety due to time restraints, so I can’t attest to them having pitch-perfect cap-offs to each of their chapters, but if they made the list?  Well, y'all know how anal-retentive I am - the author’s doing more than a few things above-average, so I’d hedge my bets that they’ve got a good grasp on ending chapters with engagement & enticement.    

And that’s where I personally aim when it comes to my chapters, whether it’s the novel-like Top of the World or my mini-series that have made the rounds here. I want the audience to (1) be engaged to the point that the end of that part kinda snuck up on ‘em, and (2) be enticed to carry on reading when the next part is posted. 

I looked back at the aforementioned works, at how I was capping off, and seems I tend to end in the midst of someone/a group pondering over something, or planning something, then I tend to [not always! but tend to] kick off the next part NOT in the midst of that exact same something. As in - different characters, or it’s the next day, or a new setting. I’d give examples but…. spoilers & such, y’know. [wink]  

Hope that helps. My iced tea has arrived. Til we meet again…. 

[kiss-my-freckle]

To understand how and why I believe this is about Tom Keen, aka Christopher Hargrave, you gotta think of it in order. Everything goes back to season one. 

1. Red creates the Townsend Directive.  

The Townsend Directive explains why Red turned himself in. I'll pull together a separate post of those dialogues when I’m finished, but Red’s reason for turning himself in has remained the same. He turned himself in because of Tom Keen. The Townsend Directive is Red’s contingency plan. That’s why it explains the reason he turned himself in, why it’s in play, why he told Dembe it’s critical, why he had a choice in going to Paris, why imposter Katarina would interrogate him regarding its target, etc. How or what Katarina knows of this plan depends on whether it’s real or staged, and whether someone leaked information to her specifically. 

Tom and those elements from Katarina’s past. Imposter Raymond reentered Liz’s life because of Tom Keen.  Imposter Katarina will enter Liz’s life because of Tom Keen. 

2. Then comes the 4x17 pre-pilot scene. 

Red: As I feared would happen, elements from Katarina’s past are circling Elizabeth like a pack of wolves in the night. I put Tom Keen in her life to keep an eye on her, and he married her. Kate: This isn’t about Tom Keen. It’s about your need for control. Red: Indeed. I need to control the danger to Elizabeth. I’ve built a vast criminal network predicated on that very principal. It’s time to live up to my mission statement.

Common sense tells you that if it has to do with why Red turned himself in, then it has to do with Tom Keen - and we’re going back to season one. Common sense also tells you that if Red connected Tom to elements from Katarina’s past, we’re going back to Tom’s side of the story to reveal what connected them. Two Katarinas in S7 just like there were two Raymonds in S5. The only difference is the real Katarina isn’t sitting dead in a suitcase. 

3. Then comes the pilot and season one. 

Red sent Zamani in to kill Tom Keen.

Red: The truth is, despite your feelings, your husband doesn’t matter. Zamani did you a favor, Lizzy.

Red: How did things go with Agent Keen? Zamani: Paid her a visit, like you asked. Red: And the husband? Zamani: Like you asked.

Red: You’ve discovered something curious about your husband, haven’t you, Lizzy?

You can start comparing S6 to S1. Like the “bitch” reference. 

Jennifer: Payback’s a bitch. Especially when there’s two of ’em.

They think Red is a man -

Newton: Must be good to be home again, sir.

They think Liz is a bitch -

Liz: My colleagues call me “sir.” They think I’m a bitch.

♪ If you’re havin’ girl problems I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems, and a bitch ain’t one ♪ 

Comparing S6 to S1. Like the adoption storyline. 

Liz: Before we had Agnes, I thought Tom and I were gonna adopt, that family had nothing to do with biology.

The adopted child to Agnes in S7 promo. She’s next to get hit. 

In episode 2, Red questions Liz about Tom. Compare to S6. 

Katarina: We did the right thing, right? Ilya: What thing? Katarina: Pulling him from the fire, trying to save his life? I can’t stop thinking about those firefighters, what might have happened if we’d left him there - if they found him, maybe they could’ve gotten him help, saved Raymond’s life.

Both Katarina and Ilya were at the fire.

Red: Does he know about you as a child?

Red: Does he know about the fire? 

Then came Gina and Fokin. Compare to S6 and the S7 promos. 

Liz telling this “long story” to Aram and the task force. 

Long stories. 

Liz: You killed him? Tom: Uh, no. Actually, Gina did, but that’s a long story. Look, what I want you to know is that it happened because I made it clear that I’m out. I’m done with those people and that life. But there are things that I did, and - and - and I might be done with those things, but I can’t promise you that those things are done with me. And I can’t promise you that it’s not gonna happen tomorrow or next week or - or five years from now.

Agnes: Mommy, who’s that funny-looking man? Liz: It’s a long story. But we finally have time to tell it.

In episode 18, the passports and his employer. Compare to S6.

Red: Lizzy, I’ve been monitoring Tom since he entered your life. About a year ago, I discovered that he had purchased three passports from a trusted forger I use in Warsaw.

Ilya creating fake passports for Katarina in Rassvet.  Stranger tracking imposter Katarina’s passports in the finale.  If Red were Ilya, he wouldn’t need a passport forger.  

Liz: How are we connected? Red: That is just a distraction. Liz: No, that is all that matters! This is my life! Tell me! Red: Right now, the only thing that matters is the immediate threat - your husband - finding out who he is and who he works for. The rest will come, I promise you.

Why would Red turn himself in? The immediate threat to Liz. According to timeline, Red turned himself in within 6 months of these passports being issued. The rest didn’t come, but it’s coming now. Why? They didn’t even find out Tom was Christopher until S3. 

Then Tom’s whisper to Liz. Compare to S6 and the S7 promos. 

Liz: Tom told me something right before he died. Red: What was that? Liz: “Your father’s alive.” Red: Lizzy, look at me. I’m telling you, with no uncertainty, your father is dead. He died in that fire. 

Jennifer: Wait. If you killed our father, how come you didn’t know Reddington was an imposter? Liz: My memories of that night. He had them removed. Jennifer: He - He removed your memories.

In S7, Liz tells the task force that her father is dead. Red is an imposter.

Might as well add the second memory wipe in S7. Tom did that. 

Cut to the blacklist and what Liz said of that. 

In looking at this the way I do, you see what’s left. 

Liz: It’s all connected. All of it. Everything. The Blacklist. We’ve been looking at it all wrong. We see these cases Reddington gives us as individual, as if they’re disconnected, but what if they’re not random? What if there’s a larger pattern to all of it?:Reddington got a number from Wujing, a code that he entered into ViCAP after helping us stop General Ludd in order to identify Lucy Brooks, also known as Jolene Parker - who he then tracked down using The Alchemist‘s client list. They’re connected. Maybe not all, but some. Gina Zanetakos, The Courier. I believe they all trace back to one entity. Berlin. 

They all trace back to TWO entities, neither of which are Berlin. Place Liz at the center of the blacklist because Red is there for her. You see this throughout the seasons. The Blacklist is there for Liz, to assist her with each new big bad. So you place Liz at the center, then you place two names above Liz. Her father, Raymond Reddington and her mother, Katarina Rostova. TWO entities. When you do that, the picture starts to become clear. Berlin traces back to the father, not the mother. The Cabal traces back to both parents. When you place Raymond Reddington and Katarina Rostova at the top, you can drop down every connection throughout the series. 

As you’ve seen, they’ve YET to connect Tom to elements from Katarina’s past. In order to connect Tom to the mother, you have to look at season one. Red turned to Major to hire Tom. Being a spy is exactly why Red hired him. He wanted someone to look after Liz. As he stated in S5, he let the marriage go because Liz was happy. So why send Zamani in two years later? All you have to do is look at all those things in S1 that were NOT connected to Berlin. 

Red: Does he know about you as a child? Does he know about the fire?

The mark and the scar, not connected to Berlin. Those three passports in 1x18, Not connected to Berlin. Gina Zanetakos and Victor Fokin, not connected to Berlin. The Courier, not connected to Berlin. Berlin had no idea Red was Liz’s father, so Tom’s whisper wasn’t connected to Berlin. Tom and elements from Katarina’s past. Liz’s father and the fire. Add in Constantin Rostov. 

4. Fastforward to when Kate unearths the suitcase.

She apologizes to Katarina. Not to the real Katarina, the imposter. Because she knows in handing this suitcase to Liz, Red will have to enact his contingency plan: The Townsend Directive. 

It’s all about Tom Keen aka Christopher Hargrave and how he’s connected to elements from Katarina’s past. I don't even have to point this out anymore, the show is quite literally doing that for me. Every promo, every spoiler, every scene holds a piece of Tom Keen. He told you not to trust him.

[xxeggy-tartxx]

I don’t know if it’s me but lately the stories tha I have been reading, romance stories I mean, how the main characters meet with each other for the first time, they make me wonder. In the story, the author makes it so easy for the main characters to meet, to get to know each other and then fall in love. Everything just happen so smoothly and accordingly.

However, in real life, in real life everything is not smooth, you don’t know who is your target, heck you don’t even know who is gay. And 99% of the times, the girl you like happen to be straight, very touchy and doesn’t mind experiencing. Hey, I have nothing against girls who want to experience, after their ‘tryout period’, if they decide that they do like girls after all then yay one more for the team. What I don’t like is people who can’t freaking tell you what they want in the beginning and decide that it will be too much of a hassle and fuck up everything. Those people are the one I don’t like. Have some respects and tell the other person how you feel and what you want. Don’t be a dickhead.

Anyway as usual, I will like to pay tributes and give credits where they are due. First off, thank you Ratana Satis for blessing us with this great comic, which I’m sure we’ll spend countless of hours reading and fangirling over the 2 characters. I also want to thank the translators and staffs for doing an awesome job. You can read this on Lezhin or if you’re smart you will find some way to read it for free but I’m not promoting it here.

Okay, let’s get started.

Oh, did I mention that this is a yuri? Well, it is.

Spoiler Alert!!!!

Ouch, that’s a lot of patches. Must of hurt like crap.

Technically Lynn, Mel didn’t pick a fight the asshole started first. And he’s an asshole so it shouldn’t be a problem to beat him up.

You tell her girl. How can Mel do this to you? I give you permission to beat her up. She deserves it for making you worry.

For real?! Why is Mel being suspended for beating the stupid dumb ass? She should get a medal for cleaning out the trash.

But looking at the good side, Mel now has 2 free weeks to do whatever she wants. To be specific, she can do Lynn. Okay, the suspension happens just right on time. (Side note, that side stare from Lynn, ohmygod, so hot.)

Oh. Okay. Something fun. I can already imagine. But Lynn… next time try not to wear your negligee under that bathrobe, it works better when you take the towel off… naked. I guaranteed.

Oh Lynn, you’re making me blush. I like this side of you.

Oh I can feel something wet is dripping down my…nose. I need a tissue.

Mel is just too good. Look at how weak she makes Lynn becomes.

Wrap Up

What do I need to say about this chapter? Nothing. Everything can be explain through pictures. This whole chapter is about Mel and Lynn trying to get down but Lynn’s stupid heart vaginablock them and so they can’t do the thing.

Gosh, can you imagine if Mel bursts into an emergency room carrying Lynn and the doctors there ask what happen. Well, my skills are just too good for her to handle. Hahaha, I can imagine.

The one thing I should be thankful is that at least Mel and Lynn got to finish the first time, even though Mel didn’t really get any. I will really bitch slap someone if they got interrupted by Crystal. Do you know the feeling of getting there, in cloud nine, then suddenly someone pulls out and they just leave you hanging there. Very frustrating. Not speaking from experiences, just saying.

But I’m happy that Lynn is finally getting braver and showing more of her erotic side. I feel like she’ll have great potential in being naughty. I’m also glad everything end up the way they are now. I mean I am a little disappointed in Mel getting suspended for 2 weeks for beating up that dude but I guess we do need these 2 weeks so Mel and Lynn can finally build some relationship together.

Maybe for the upcoming chapters we will get to see more of these 2 girls getting hot together becauseeee we all know once the fun is over we have to go back to business again, aka the crazy looking Sue. And don’t forget Lynn’s heart is still one of the biggest problems we have to solve. So right now, I’m smiling for their cuteness but I ain’t laughing yet.

Credits:

Author: Ratana Satis

Translation: Shompu

QC: Coco Roco

Edit: Alextasha