#gossip dads

[diabloku]

An angel on one shoulder 😇

A devil on the other 😈

(sikes, they're both devils and they're talking shit)

[bengals-barnesbabe]

Like Mother, Like Daughter

~ mini gossip girl AU ~

dad!joe burrow x mom!reader

Des: Izzy has some things to say about her dad’s cooking while you’re away on a business trip. *requested*

TW: 18+ | language, dramatic & spoiled teenager, Joe’s cooking, Mama's fed-up, longing, punishments, and some implied smut at the end lol

Main Masterlist | Part 3

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a/n: this au is so fucking cute, i love it (i have another fic for it in my drafts that I forgot about lol)

[livwritesstuff]

Honestly, Eddie doesn’t know why it had taken so long for him to realize his and Steve’s children could understand the shit that came out of his mouth.

(It took an embarrassingly long amount of time).

Even when Moe’s third or fourth word was fuck, he didn’t realize it (and she was using it mostly correctly too, which should have been a serious flag, but nope).

What made him realize it was when they started repeating the shit that came out of his mouth. 

To strangers.

In public.

The first time Eddie had been really caught off guard by something one of his daughters said was when Moe, who was three at the time, had proudly announced to an unsuspecting grocery store cashier, “Daddy says my Papa’s a DILF!”

And, like, Eddie had just heard the term for the first time, and obviously he was goddamn delighted by it because…duh. Steve. 

It just hadn’t occurred to him that his toddler might have caught it too, but little pitchers have big ears, or so the proverb suggests, and Eddie had taken it as a wake-up call that Moe isn’t a baby anymore (tragic as it may be).

He’s not the only problem though – Steve is just as bad, (if not worse, because he really doesn’t bother to check where their kids are before he starts running his mouth).

One particularly damning incident was at a restaurant, which is something they don’t even do all that often because, seriously, going to a restaurant with very young kids should be an Olympic event or something.

(The last time they all went out to eat, Nancy and Robin had made a drinking game out of all the times Steve and Eddie had to take a child to the bathroom and ended up so far gone that Eddie had needed to drive them home).

The incident started with the waitress asking, “Can I get you started with anything to drink?”

And it had ended with four-year-old Moe confidently announcing, “My Papa needs a fucking margarita.”

Thank god, the waitress had been a twenty-something college student and thought it was hilarious, but Steve had still been completely mortified.

[cubbihue]

Does Mr. Turner like rubbing his “son’s” successful career in Dinkleberg’s face??

He does! He brags about Timmy's success to every person within the neighborhood's vicinity. Mr. Turner loves how successful his son is! It really secures his reputation at the neighborhood HOA meetings they host at their house.

Timmy's worked very hard to gain more successes than failures. The more successful he is, the greater his family's social standing!! And the less he gets to overhear his dad ranting to the neighborhood about his failures.

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[glorious-spoon]

i love eddie diaz with all my heart, but it's the kind of love you have for a wet cat who's trying desperately to pretend that they Did That On Purpose, and that's why i simply cannot get on board with the idea that he is in any way smooth

[pitstoplexi]

A duo that definitely listens and judges

[microsofttothemax]

when your son somehow manages to discover the best gossip so you keep him around the pizzeria simply to find out the most recent rumors of the customers

a continuation of this au which is now my roman empire

[phoebebuggers]

my dad just let me explain the plot of stranger things to him from memory in excruciating detail…maybe men are good for something

[theconchaverse]

I hate to break this to you, but mobius is actually a girl dad. You guys are just choosing to avoid the truth

[birdhouse14]

Forgor to post this here .3.

[rougerave]

Hear me out. So Dick and Jason have always known languages. Dick from his time traveling with the circus and Jason from his time sneaking into the library and devouring all types of books when he was still on the streets.

And because of this, they could connect more easily due to their shared love of language. (Cannon can kiss my ass thank you very much.)

They made it a point to learn new languages together, so much so that they even passed Bruce in the number of languages they knew and spoke.

This is the driving factor that brings them close when Jason comes from the whole dead and resurrected drama.

The problem comes that they think everyone speaks the same languages. Like they'll be speaking English one minute then the switch it up to Swahili because they forgot a word in English and then carry on speaking in a different language until they forget a word again and change languages.

Bruce is the only one who can mildly keep up with them, but other than that his completely lost because of the shear speed the switch up the language.

It gets irritating when they're all at the dinner table and the two oldest forget the names of simple things. Like salt.

"Hey Demon spar. Pass the *snaps fingers as he tries to remember the name* the 鹽 (jim4) [Cantonese]."

And poor Damian is so lost so he looks to Dick and Dick goes "άλας (álas) [Greek]" as if that's any better. And the poor baby is just so confused, so he looks to his baba because his baba should know but his baba also looks confused. And Alfred, bless his soul knows Greek so he goes, "The salt Master Damian. Master Jason is asking for the salt."

And the whole table is also very confused and irritated by this whole exchange.

When the eldest two argue, it's explosive and physical and confusing because of the mess of languages, and the only time you hear a spark of English is when one has a black eye and the other has a nose bleed and their both laying on their backs and the only words exchanged is, "Fuck you dickface." and, "Love you too Jay."

They hug it out then throw the middle finger over their backs, limp out the room and opposite ways of the hallway.

All this happens in the full view of the family and nobody asks what words were exchanged, nobody asks what they were fighting about, they just sit shell shocked, each and everytime.

Except Bruce, who gets majority of what was said. He sits with his head in his hands and let's out a dispointed sigh. "All this ruckes because of cake." He stands so he can go call his therapist (Clark).

[ratatatastic]

there is nothing funnier than jameson bringing up the way mackie's dad tried to get him with tate mcrae (to which his dad subsequently deleted the tweet soon thereafter) but the damage was done and yes mackie was chirped hard for it both by fellow kitties and his other friends alike but its okay he thought it was funny either way

shame it didnt work though or so he wishes...

BMW Teammate of the Month | 1.14.25 (x)

[steveheadcannons]

when his girls are teenagers, he’ll give his unsolicited advice about boy problems that he overhears at sleepovers. like he won’t go out of his way to listen for it, but if they’re talking about it in the dining room while he’s prepping the burgers for the grill in the kitchen, he might barge in with “marissa, that guy is an idiot.” it’s absolutely mortifying for his daughter, but her friends find it very endearing, even if his actual advice is usually terrible. he meant well.

[saintzweig]

speaking my truth, i am a jenny humphrey defender

[ryukisgod]

[nerfpuncher]

Echo: I'm not a chef, but boyardees days getting harder and harder to get through.