#goodreads book review

[susie-thewitch]

Guys I’m really funny on Goodreads you have no idea it the best social media for me

[trash-panda-no5]

Goodreads 1 star reviews complaining about how the book was trying to be "edgy". Babes you picked up a book about sci-fi necromancers with a cover of an aviator-wearing skull-painted lesbian and you weren't expecting to run into any edge lords or emos? That's not the book's fault, that's a skill issue

[teaandspite]

The Great Goodreads Diss List (Part 1)

Context: For many years now, I have been collecting funny lines from Goodreads reviews to share with my coworkers. (I do collection development, reader's advisory, and weeding at a public library, so I read a LOT of reviews)

Are some of these, perhaps, rather mean? Yes, but they are also very funny, and come from a place of honest frustration. In the tradition of Bargepole threads and lists everywhere, names and titles have been censored.

"First, I want to say that I understand how hard it is to write a book and how amazing it is when it is actually published. Congrats to the author for that accomplishment. That said--"

"Warning: This review will be lengthy due to pure hatred."

"I found myself feeling really, really annoyed with the world that this book is allowed to exist. We live in a universe where the passenger pigeon is extinct but this book goes along merrily being read by unsuspecting lovers of words and ideas and stories? It just seems like too much, you know?"

"Don't do it. Don't spring the cash for the hardcover. Instead, eat an entire bag of Twizzlers, spend some money you don't have at a high-end department store, look up on Facebook the shady college boyfriend that made you cry, research the current value of your home or 401K and then read all about how the big hedge fund managers are faring during the economic crisis. You'll feel about the same stomach pain if you waste your time reading this book."

"This wretched novel begins with the mugging of an old lady and it appears I may be in the process of repeating that loathsome crime as [author] was 78 when she wrote it. It is not nice to put the boot into such a poor defenseless old creature lying there with only a damehood, a Booker Prize and a few million quid. It’s a nasty job but somebody has to do it."

"I think this is the way dead people would write, if they could."

"I am considering setting up SPABB: Society for the Protection of Accurate Book Blurb. This blurb appears to have been written by someone from the publishers who met [the author] the night before, got very drunk, lost his notes and then constructed something in a fug of hangover the next morning."

"I congratulate [the author] on the early half of his book, which was thoroughly fun and made me laugh and think. I congratulate [the author] on the second half of his book, for finishing it. It reads like that was difficult."

"…a woman whose taste in contemporary literature has roughly the same batting average as a pitcher in the National League."

"The author is a pompous windbag."

"Recommends it for: No one. Recommended to me by: A friend who apparently wished to cause me great suffering."

"Makes me wonder: is it possible to obtain similes at a volume discount?"

"The repeated phrases made me want to mail a thesaurus to the author."

"I'm disappointed in myself for finishing this book."

"if the author described [character's] eyes as "obsidian" one more time I was tempted to write her and ask if her thesaurus broke."

"They say that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters would, if given infinite time, eventually produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. [This book], on the other hand, would probably take the average monkey just under two hours."

"I can't imagine what the author had to do to get this nadir of Western literature printed on innocent trees, but he does seem to know a LOT about being well-connected in New York."

"This book is so bad it is almost worth reading just to make you appreciate the other books you are reading."

"Reads like it was written by a brilliant author, the night before it was due."

"raises interesting questions, like: can a book be so bad as to constitute an act of terrorism"

"has this author ever spoken to a human woman"

"This acorn has fallen so far from the tree that it can’t even see the forest."

"I’m guessing they are touted as ‘beach reads’ because no one will care if they get dropped into the ocean."

"This book begins with all the energy of a hand vacuum near the end of its battery life, and the pace doesn't quicken much from there."

"At least everybody’s eyes stayed the same color this time around.”

Part 2

Part 3

[wiltkingart]

Asche and Vindt from Ocean's Blood by Thelma Mantey

[thefangirlphenomenon]

how many books do I want to read? all of them. there is no limit. my frail body will one day be crushed under the weight of my tbr pile and my mind will rejoice at all the lives I have lived, at all the new words that I have learnt and yet there will still be more books that I wish to read. i am simply a gaping chasm that only books can fill.

[how-to-get-away-with-study]

Studying hard and trying not to get angry at the book I am reading.  Recently, my favorite way to blow off steam has been writing a grumpy review on Goodreads📖😤 If you want you can follow me here: goodreads

[thechaoticreader]

Horror books that genuinely scared me (from a lifelong horror reader that’s so so rare):

1) The Outsider by Stephen King - made me paranoid as fuck at night, had to hide the dust jacket

2) Straight by @drchucktingle - I had fucked up nightmares about this book, I couldn’t look my cis straight roommates in the eyes for days

3) Everything the Darkness Eats by Eric LaRocca - I’m a queer with religious trauma, I had a full existential crisis after reading this

Did these books affect me psychologically? Yeah probably. Are they also in my top fav of all time? Yup😊. Would I recommend them to everyone? Fuck yeah I would! Go read these and prove love is real (that is a threat💕)!

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

EMILY PRENTISS’ GOODREADS:

THE HOLY BIBLE

multiple authors

★☆☆☆☆ 0.1

Overly-preachy narrative, too many plot holes. Profiled God as a malignant narcissist with an inferiority complex. Can’t blame Satan for lashing out at has dad like that, rebellion is typical of scapegoated children in a toxic family dynamic.

THE CATCHER IN THE RYE

J.D. Salinger

★★★★★ 5.0

Didn’t read it, five stars anyway because its reputation precedes it.

HOW TO FIND AT-RISK KIDS WHO GREW UP IN A 360-DEGREE ENVIRONMENT OF FAMILY VIOLENCE

David Rossi, Jason Gideon

★★☆☆☆ 2.0

Literally ruining my life. But two stars because I was high when I read it and it made my brain feel fuzzy in a good way.

THE LORD OF THE FLIES

William Golding

★★★☆☆ 0.3

Strong concept, disappointing lack of women.

SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE

Kurt Vonnegut

★★★★★ 5.0

It’s so freaky-deaky, I love it.

Check out my Masterlist for more BAU scenarios

[kevkebus-subh]

[libertyreads]

My special edition of The Lies of Locke Lamora has finally arrived!

[storiesofsvu]

man... if y'all haven't noticed... ive been reading a fuck ton of books recently. specifically ones similar to the style that i write/similar to fanfic. wlw romances, straight romances, some books with smut, they're all kinda the same but have their own flair, ya know?

and in this time I've also taken to reading reviews on goodreads as i finish said books. Just to get a feel of what people liked and what they didn't like, etc.

There are SO many reviews about smut in these books all "it was so raunchy. too descriptive. too explicit. almost vulgar." here's one word for word...

I just hated the sex scenes, found them laughable. I’m not opposed to a good sex scene but the words pussy, tits and cock are not sexy.

pussy, tits and cock are *not* sexy?? WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO USE THEN?

like, they've got me sitting here looking at these barely spicy smut scenes compared to the shit i read here and the smut in my stories all....

anyways. that's my two cents for right now.

[syl-stormblessed]

low-star goodreads reviews of Harrow the Ninth are so funny. some people genuinely only read the book once and it shows

[teaandspite]

The Great Goodreads Diss List (Part 2)

[part 1]

[part 3]

"I've read a few books where the authors should have quit while they were ahead. Occasionally that spot is after they've written down the title."

"As boring as watching my grandma knit"

"if I hear the word 'countless' used to describe what we were repeatedly told were exactly one million ships ever again, I think I'll find something to throw myself off."

"The only crime in this novel worth investigating is the one the author has committed against the English language."

"The breasts of every woman that appeared in this book were described."

"The best thing I can say about this book is that it's diverting. The worst thing I can say is not printable."

"This book could have been an email."

"Someone take the damned thesaurus away from [author]."

"This book is so bad that I literally joined Goodreads just so I could vent about it."

"Why does everybody keep falling for him? He has the emotional range of a potholder."

"as if a spavined mule was trying to do the tango to the music of Iron Maiden."

"too much wrapping and not enough content."

"Can I get a horror comic with real monsters and not a metaphorical one please."

"OH MY GOD WHEN WILL SOMEONE GET MURDERED ALREADY?"

"I did not read this I’m just a hater." 

"Sometimes, if it takes you 10 years to write a book, you just shouldn't." 

"I'd recommend vcr manuals over this."

"She actually wrote 'molten gaze'! Ack!"

"Those poor, tortured metaphors."

"This book only gets a star because the fact that I like words coincides with the fact that it contained words."

"I will proceed to chronicle my transition from literature enthusiast to broken shell of a woman"

"A shortbread tin Brigadoon piece of nonsense"

"It pains me to write this review, almost as much as it pained me to finish this book."

"'Empurpled' is a word that should never be used to describe genitalia. It should, however, be used to describe your prose."

"Well I mean, at least I'll have a new joke to tell my therapist this week."

[readnburied]

13 Moons Reading Challenge 2024 — Announcement

So it’s finally time for the announcement of the 13 Moons reading challenge for 2024. Another year, another list of prompts that will make your reading journey exciting. This reading challenge is created by me for the entire reading community. So if you love reading or are looking for a reading challenge to try for the upcoming year, then here is one for you. 

Rules & Levels

The rules for this reading challenge are simple. First of all, this is just for fun so no need to feel pressured into doing anything or reading anything you don’t want to. You can also be flexible with the prompts if you choose to do so. The challenge will run from January 1st, 2024 and till December 31st, 2024.

There are a total of 104 reading prompts divided into 13 categories. There is a list of levels given and you can choose which level you wish to participate in based on your preference. The levels you can participate in are as follows:

Penumbral Lunar Eclipse: 13 books — fulfill one prompt from each category 

Partial Lunar Eclipse: 26 books — fulfill at least one prompt from each category

Central Lunar Eclipse: 52 books — fulfill at least one prompt from each category

Total Lunar Eclipse: 104 books — fulfill all the prompts

The reading challenge is given below. I am trying to create a graphic for it, and if I succeed I’ll edit this post and attach the graphic later, but for now I will write it all down here in case you wish to participate and plan your TBR. So without further ado, here is the 13 Moons reading challenge 2024. 

13 Moons Reading Challenge 2024 

Wolf Moon

A Stand Alone novel

A furry creature on the cover

Hair on the cover

The words Straight, Waves or Curly in the title

Hair color in the title

A book about found family

A book about adoption

A book with a hierarchy

Snow Moon

The word White in the title

Blanket on the cover

Read a book while drinking a hot beverage

Read a book while burning a candle

Hat/Cap on the cover

A book about mountains

A book about a fresh start or a new beginning

A book with necromancy themes

Worm Moon

Read a book in a series with more than 5 books

A book about rebirth or reincarnation

A cozy book

Book about insects 

Continue a series

A book that gives you the creeps

A book you’re not sure about

A book you’re thinking of unhauling 

Pink Moon

A book with a princess

Book about women empowerment

A pink object on the cover

Book recommended by a celebrity 

Book that tickles you pink

A coming of age book

A celebrity memoir

Start a book on a new moon

Flower Moon

Book by a BIPOC author

Book about friendship

A book club pick

Book with an animated cover

Book with a character named after a flower

A speculative fiction

A book set in spring

Read a book at any time of the day 

Strawberry Moon

Read a book from your backlist

Read a book with Bubbles on the cover

A book with less than 400 pages

Book you see trending on social media

Read a book from an author which is new to you

A debut novel

Book with the word Leaf in the title 

Book about swimming 

Buck Moon

A book that has multiple editions

A Paperback

A book recommended by a friend

A biography

A book you’re seeing everywhere 

A 2024 release

A 5 star prediction 

Book with a Man on the cover 

Sturgeon Moon

Book with a map

Book that people have been forcing you to read

Book with a title that starts with the first letter of your name

Book you hauled recently

Book with a Tree on the cover

Book with the word Can’t in the title

Book with a dark cover 

A novella

Harvest Moon

An anthology

A book you had to read for an assignment

A book with a movie adaptation

Book you’d recommend to somebody else

A book chosen by somebody else

Book with a Fish on the cover

A fruit in the title

Book about a celebration 

Hunter’s Moon

Book about food

Book set in Europe

Book with an Umbrella on the cover

Book about a topic you’re curious about

An award winning book 

Read the 7th book on your shelf

Book with Buildings on the cover 

book divided into parts 

Beaver Moon

Book about a psychological phenomenon 

Book with the word Five in the title 

Book with a Street on the cover

Start a book in the evening

A book about a specific country 

A book from your monthly TBR

Book with a cover you don’t like 

Book about a single parent 

Cold Moon

Book set in the medieval times

Book with a Spider on the cover

Read a book while wearing a pair of socks

A memoir

Book about a historical event

Book with a character’s name in the title

Book you think you will love

Book from a Goodreads shelf

Blue Moon

Book with a unique format

Read a classic

Book with 3 or more people on the cover

Book recommended by your favorite social media influencer

Book with a dramatic title

Book with a Dagger in the story

Book set in high school

Book about a spy

And there you have it. This is the 13 Moons reading challenge 2024 for you all. Let me know if you like it. If you wish to participate I’d love it if you can comment below to tell me you’re participating in the challenge. If you don’t want to comment, that’s fine as well. As long as you enjoy doing the challenge, I’m happy. 

Happy Reading!!

[thefangirlphenomenon]

the validation i get from seeing my goodreads tracker say "you're 2 books ahead" is rivaled only by the endorphin rush i get from actually reading

[platypusinplaid]

Who else got their mind consumed by god-killing homosexual war criminals this year?