#good to know no one has my back here cept those who cant do much n the assholes get pats on the ass

[system-of-a-feather]

something my therapist told me about my constant splitting of gatekeepers is that there is a severe (in my case, severe) lack of control and foundation within the system. no one really knows their place, no one really knows what the system needs, so it keeps trying to split alters or bring dormant gatekeepers back that can control things? might be a little bit of insight as to why you have so many? if this resonates with you, we would suggest a system meeting where everyone discusses their needs, and wants, and what the system needs to be successful. otherwise they may continue to feel out of control, know what i mean? sorry for the unsolicited advice! good luck!

Oh yeah no I entirely know about the correlation between gatekeepers and control. We largely actually have a very solid foundation and established ways of working things, communicating and addressing things and I still don't think we've split in at least the past 3 years or so since all these guys are oldies afaik.

I do know entirely that this is just a result of how absolutely bad our system has control issues which is a known SEVERE issue pervasive through the system. So for us, its largely because we grew up under large and extreme pressure to keep everything in line and to entirely manage ourselves and our lives since we were a kid to like... a perfect T. So most parts in our system tend to have gatekeeper abilities / tendencies / behaviors at least as a secondary thing because quite frankly, our system is locked down tight

Its apparently what with OCD and OCPD arguably being more frequent issues than our PTSD symptoms largely cause they serve as an initial buffer and so you get a lot of parts developed with a "no you can't do that. Why? Cause you cant. Rules"

It was largely a rhetorical request cause this is and has been a *known thing* for like at least 2-3 years over here. It's a meme and its something we work within and it has its upsides and downsides.

Upsides being that a lot of parts have their domains and things they have stupid control over, and we've essentially created a web of procedures on how to "debug" and "troubleshoot" issues by passing the issue around gatekeeper to gatekeeper until reaching either Ray or Crackhead who are the two primary gatekeepers. ((Jii was the first to notice this new one and immediately went '-_- Im submitting a complaint to Ray and XIV to fix this'))

But its really our system's "quirk" is that we are literally like 70-80% gatekeeper at this point. It's to the point where we just learn to respect eachother's territory and let everyone have their assigned sense of control over what they specialize in and those of us that aren't gatekeepers we tend to have our protector specialization.

A large reason I think we keep finding them is cause a lot of them "generated" in the past to keep everything tightly in check and thus now that we are processing stuff we have to go and break past every one of those learned safeguards and their personal gatekeeper.

It's a real pain but its also just the way things are in this system XD Its kinda funny though being one of the few parts that aren't having a secondary role as a gatekeeper cause Im like ah yes, everyone here has special powers and are various levels of OP and Im just here as a guy sitting.

Its also really funny cause in the first like 6 months after diagnosis I was like "wow lol gatekeepers sound OP wish we had one cause that sounds nice but also kinda fake" and then we shat out like 20 -_-'' /half joking

But TLDR entirely agree with your therapist cept in our case I think its largely not that we are currently in that but we were previously in that so much that as we explore things we just keep finding a magical wizard asking us a riddle to gain access every 10 steps.

-Riku

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: . . . – – – . . . Carly: ? Carly: nodded on your phone Ali: OG 🍑📞 Ali: nah save me Carly: it's pretty lemme just grab a 💄 really quick Carly: what's up baby? Ali: you are and I need distracting Ali: got band practice and I really have to Ali: missed the last two so she's dead moody Carly: go solo ill play a tambourine for you Carly: until you get famous anyway Ali: we'll get you those noise cancelling headphones they give to rockstars kids Ali: then you just gotta close your eyes n shine Carly: aw Carly: you're a 🍑 Carly: but before then I know how to sweeten up rockstars Carly: lots of jd is 🔑 yea so ill swipe ronans & its a party Ali: know that'll go down a treat Ali: almost as good as the ego stroke of calling them rockstars Carly: y you asked me its a not so hidden talent of mine Carly: strokes where needed Ali: 🎨 Ali: alright monet Ali: I'll try not to make it completely boring Carly: i have to take 5 to finish up here or he'll be dead moody Carly: so he's all you have to be more fun than Carly: & whats more boring than a horny lad when ur not feeling it Ali: easy Ali: I remember being that bored Ali: less memory more reliving but shh Ali: all fun and games yeah ✌ Carly: yea Carly: he gets it over quick tho some go & go without getting u anywhere Carly: ha Carly: ive got a home to go to sometimes boy Ali: he's very considerate like that Carly: i wont share it w him too big of a word for rn Carly: wheres this practice @ Ali: 'course not Ali: all he needs to hear is biggest and best Ali: memory serves Ali: in one of the other's garage Ali: so punk rock Ali: I'll come meet you Carly: long as he can call me a slut & I make the right noises it dont matter what I say Carly: thats every lad on here Carly: k well he's done so direct me Carly: u dont wanna meet me outside here Ali: if that's your jam, go off Ali: you mean you don't trust me not to 👊 your mans 😏 Ali: I started walking, call me a pessimist, Ronan 🤷 Carly: yea u kno for a good time call any of these caravans Carly: the old lady w the gnomes is a dark horse like Carly: i don't want u to see me looking this way ty ronan 💘 Carly: so rough about everything Carly: him & u ha Ali: she's living my dream, I remember her Ali: the pink trailer, like Ali: shoulda been going to see her if not you Ali: 🤡 Ali: you alright? Ali: you need a sec or Ali: idk, anything else Carly: her cats are living my dream Carly: lying in the sun all day, getting fat Carly: being loved whenever they ask Carly: i need a drink but im taking all of his its k Ali: duh Ali: only had it slightly better in ancient Egypt, like Ali: forever goals Ali: we'll drink it on the way Ali: need to see where to put their fingers Ali: not code for gay shit but like Ali: also Carly: theres lots they can have some as promised Carly: he owed me for all the 💊 Ali: you're sweet Carly: we can get your gf ☕ to dump it in thats the adult thing to do Carly: trying to make her happy not more mad Ali: she's 17 Ali: she just fronts a good game Ali: suppose one of us should Ali: #badgirlfriend Carly: ur the best wife tho Carly: ive missed u Ali: 😚 Ali: comments like that are why I've deffo missed you more Carly: aw Carly: comments like urs r why ill make today really fun for u Ali: 💚 Ali: we can make anything a party yeah Carly: yea Carly: but u gotta help me carry these drinks to cos i think my wrist was broken from all the coaxing that boy needs when hes been on it Ali: ugh, the struggle is so real Ali: though if you use that as an ice breaker they're all gonna look at you blankly Ali: fucking lesbian priviledge amirite Carly: i bet at least one of them's hurt their wrist trying to get a girl off Carly: half who go to our school r so uptight you need to check for sticks Carly: catholic guilt be like Ali: 😂 real Ali: but you gotta be on my side Ali: already outnumbered Ali: team bi for the day okay Carly: so i can talk about masturbating with my grandma's jesus cross or i cant Ali: you can Ali: that's a story whoevers company Ali: 'cept grandma, obvs Carly: punk rock enough? Carly: if theyre all as scary as ur lesbian im shotgunning more beers Carly: bag of recycling before we even get to the garage Ali: when she cares about the 🌍 Ali: 😍 Ali: they ain't, if we're being real Carly: dont want the earth to die Carly: its so pretty Carly: & fun Carly: k i wont have every can Carly: before we get there Ali: 👼🌟🌈🍓🐰👸 Ali: you Ali: and I'm literally just 'round the corner hold on Ali: not dragging my feet 'cos of you babe Carly: ur too sweet Carly: are you the singer & the guitarist or do they make you just do one cos youre too big of a 🌟 Ali: got it in one babe, I'm relegated to guitar #2 most the time Ali: at least you can own the stage more when you ain't so Carly: ill tell them you need to be 1st guitar & lead singer you're too talented for it to go to waste Carly: its sad Carly: but its cute that youre in a band together Ali: you wanna be backup baby? Carly: yea but i cant 😢😢 Ali: you can when it's just us though Ali: you're too pure for rock n roll anyway Ali: their brand of Carly: how you said that makes me think i need to drink more Ali: it's a good thing about you Ali: just saying though, my voice will be fucked by the end of this Carly: ill get you some 🍯 baby Carly: you can be 👼 again in no time Carly: church ready Ali: only if you coming with Ali: 😈 Carly: only if we do some more sinning first Carly: make it worth the walk Ali: naturally Ali: how we do Carly: k Carly: are all the band dating each other or just you two Ali: 😏 more and more apparent how straight you ain't tbh Ali: currently off again, I think Ali: they've all dated each other though, every which way you can combo it Carly: i have met a lesbian before ur rescued me @ that party Carly: been hit on by lots Carly: i kno they like to date in circles & all kinds of other shapes Ali: I bet Carly: aw don't be jealous Carly: i didnt like it Carly: ur my fave Ali: I'm not Ali: am glad I ain't giving off those predatory vibes though Ali: good to know, like Carly: you give off the best vibes Ali: 👼 energy, baby Carly: 🌟💙 Ali: let's hit 'em with it Carly: yea Ali: after she can drive us to a decent shindig 🤞 Carly: me & a car full of gays Carly: ronan will be in a mood ha Ali: always a bonus Ali: also always in a mood Ali: they really would get on if she could get over the whole man hate vibe Carly: ill bring him to the next rehearsal Carly: he thinks hes got what it takes Ali: 😏 Ali: I'll put my money on Mar Ali: poor boy Carly: steals my 🎸 every time he comes over Carly: i cant be impressed that you can play 2 chords baby boy I'm sorry Ali: 😩💦 Ali: even as relegated #2 I can do more than that Ali: promise Carly: me too & im only groupie #1 Carly: he still tries to teach me tho Carly: so boring Ali: 🙄 Ali: what a dickhead Ali: he just wants to be behind you to 'position' your hands, boys love that shit don't they Ali: I know how to play pool too so get off Carly: we should play my da taught me Carly: make some money & have some fun Ali: I'm down Carly: k Carly: cos i need to buy more 💊s he really did eat them all Carly: 😢😢 Ali: Babe Ali: I know a reliable lad Ali: invite him Ali: make it a party Carly: yea me & him been up since i saw you last how long ago was that? forever it feels Carly: be more fun away from site Ali: damn Ali: how the other half live Ali: I feel like I haven't had any fun since I last saw you Ali: get enough to take the edge of your comedown if nothing else or that'll be rough Carly: i wanted to invite u my baby but u kno how he gets Carly: hates that weve met Carly: ill make you feel good now promise Carly: hes had too much of my time Ali: worried that Imma tell you horror stories like you don't know him? Ali: backatcha 💚 Ali: swear Carly: yea he thinks my head's empty Carly: just a body like Carly: not that weve done school for years together or anything Carly: i kno i dont always go but boy come on Ali: you're miles ahead of him Ali: he only acts like he reckons that 'cos he don't want you coming to your senses and binning him off proper, like Carly: ur lil bro writes & reads better Carly: but hes a smart lil cutie Carly: what am i gonna do move the caravan in the middle of the night? no wheels is there Carly: stuck as fwb til he gets married his wife finds out & comes for me Ali: yeah he likes you too Ali: always chatting on when you coming 'round again so you know Ali: better hang some more, for his sake Ali: I know you got locks Carly: aw i love him Carly: always wanted a lil bro but my rents dont fuck no more so that ain't happening Carly: unless my dad knocks up someone younger Carly: u kno id lock myself out & end up round there Carly: ha Ali: lil blue pills don't fail us now Ali: ick Ali: should go to casa flamenco Ali: don't think she'd steal your stash Ali: oldies always have their own, the real good shit too Carly: that what ur calling it Carly: ill steal hers Ali: exactly Ali: 😍 #babe Ali: ronan who Carly: i do go older but not sure i could handle peeling back the wrinkles Ali: weak 😉 Carly: you seduce her for me, thats love Carly: & you wanna be under her anyway Ali: 'scuse you Ali: I'm happily married Carly: me too Carly: pimping me out to the older generation wasnt in the vows were it Ali: could've been Ali: you know how creative I am Carly: yea i do love that about you Ali: I 👀 you Ali: [runs up and takes some of the shit] Carly: [unnecessarily long hug moment because always] Ali: ['it does feel like forever'] Carly: [just rambling on about how much she's missed her & like all the compliments for how she looks/what she's wearing etc cos again always] Ali: [lbr she'd go all out for rehersals even so it would be a look, Ali lowkey fixing Carly up whilst checking 'cos was concerned but not gonna make it a Thing tm] Carly: [save her Ali she looks like shit rn & your gf don't need to be seeing her like that] Ali: [finishing by kissing her nose 'cos that is a thing] Carly: [😳 but really happy obvs & another hug cos they really have missed each other so] Ali: [walking and talking baby] Carly: [& letting Ali catch up with all the drinks Carly's had] Ali: [giving her the lowdown on the other bitches who are clearly not as scary as kstew] Carly: [you'd think she's not listening because 1. state of her & 2. how distracting Ali is in her lewk but she is] Ali: [is like soz it's boring but I'll make it fun] Carly: [she's like its not you're just pretty & also I'm saving you & making it fun] Ali: ['not about to beg but please do'] Carly: ['knew I should've locked that down in the vows' cos being flirty with it] Ali: ['too late now babe, 'less you make me wanna renew'] Carly: [is just like yeah okay will do, soz kstew but we know its true so] Ali: [turning up to your function, imagine kstews face oop] Carly: [Carly handing the booze out cos she's a babe while kstew talks shit on her by pulling Ali aside like we said] Carly: u want me to go? Ali: [Ali tryna explain but also being kinda over this mood like why can't she be here, u lowkey know why but you know] Ali: no Ali: don't Ali: I'll sort it Carly: k Carly: [Carly just drinking a little bit too hard cos the vibe is wrong & her anxiety don't need this thank you ladies] Ali: [just walking away and being like okay come on let's start 'cos can't argue if you're playing] Carly: [pissing about on some spare instruments while they're setting up cos awks] Ali: I've text the lad Ali: reckons 10 minutes 👍 Carly: 💙🌟 Carly: ty Ali: [ooh crimson and clover 'cos joan did it and it'd be a sexy moment so blatantly directed at carly] Carly: [Carly literally 😍 harder than her gf is, oops] Carly: [& so many compliments as soon as the song is over before kstew can get a word in, god bless] Ali: [gently/not being a patronizing dick with it showing her dance moves and stuff like getting her involved without being like you have to perform now lol] Carly: [k stew fuming like now the WARM UP is done we should play OUR songs we all know the type like excuse you everyone is having fun especially my sweet baby angel] Ali: [being like oh but I just learnt this song it's got a good bass bit we should do that, overruled lol] Carly: [has to go with it cos no argument she can make that won't sound petty as hell and not trying to look like that bitch in front of the squad] Ali: [doing electric feel for the gay sexiness] Carly: [Carly even more into it cos a song she knows cos lets say she don't know the glory of our cat song just because so its such a moment okay bye] Carly: [Marlene calling a 🚬 break immediately after cos fuming & that can also be when Drew comes] Ali: [as if you weren't fuming enough there's how a man here 😍 at your woman, also giving them droogs] Carly: [meanwhile Carly ain't noticed cos sharing a 🚬 with the prettiest & least intimidating lesbian perched on her lap like so cosy....way to kill Ali babe we know she's special but let her know please] Carly: [hops off to get her drugs but still a moment] Ali: [these other girls just stirring the pot rn lmao] Carly: [that girl being like you should come out with us & Carly's like yeah cos she's pure] Ali: you know this one's flirting with you too, yeah? Ali: 😏 Carly: ha Carly: shes nice Ali: yeah Ali: pretty cute Carly: u kno the dealer wants to fuck you tho yea Carly: hes pretty Ali: obvs Ali: his hairs a bit naff but yeah Carly: ur gf is gonna drag him out by it Carly: let me slip him my number first ty Ali: lol 🙄 Ali: better you have his, no Ali: 💊 Ali: idk why she's the fun police today Carly: k good idea Carly: [goes to get his deets] Carly: she's so mad Carly: u gotta love me more when shes not around Ali: i ain't done nothing Carly: shes jealous of me like i am of her Carly: two girls one 💙 Carly: [lowkey flirting with Drew before he gets thrown out] Ali: hmm Ali: maybe you can duel Ali: [helping herself 'cos they clearly got enough to go around 'cos Drew's easy lol] Carly: 😢😢 Carly: you want me to be killed Ali: don't be silly Ali: not very gentlemanly of her, she'd never Ali: for someone so punk she loves following rules you know Carly: y u like her or y ur bored? Ali: [casually loling at her phone like what you think] Carly: [a moment of eye contact soz kstew] Carly: y dont i kno this lad? Ali: idk Ali: he wasn't always that cocky Ali: maybe his pubes came in Carly: ha Carly: ill find out Carly: gotta b known as the school slag not the girl who pissed herself on the stage Ali: more catchy Ali: I get it Carly: u only remember our wedding day i kno but it tends to stick in everyone else's memories Carly: a day of bad vibes Ali: I remember you but not like that Carly: hope its not worse Carly: how you do Carly: [casually taking too many 💊 to deal with the bender she's been on with the gypsies, you know Drew will remember her like this] Ali: nah Ali: you were cute Ali: and nice when all these random english kids showed up Carly: cos you were cuter Carly: im always nice to the pretty ones Ali: 💘 Ali: s'a good line walsh, you get it off him n all Carly: 💔😢 Carly: i love you i dont need him feeding me those kind of lines Carly: we gotta crush some of these tho its gonna take forever to kick in Ali: only joking baby don't be sad Ali: [comes over and helps 'cos why not kstew already furious her band practice has descended into anarchy] Carly: [using a shoe she's wearing for once to crush pills casually but stops to put her head on Ali's shoulder cos is sad lowkey] Ali: [gives her top of the head kisses] Carly: [is smiling again & telling her how much she missed her again and all that good gay content while Marlene fumes in the distance] Ali: [whispers like sorry for the bad vibes and I am gonna fix this 'cos she knows it's been fucked but realistically don't know what she's doing about it yet 'cos where do we stand] Carly: [kisses her on the forehead cos that big brain always thinking & worrying & she know] Carly: u wanna 👃 or 👅? Ali: 👃 Carly: yea dont want a numb mouth Carly: no fun Ali: probably would help my throat but kinda 'bout that smokes and drinks a 40 a day vibe so Ali: soz to my nasal cavity in advance Carly: the 🍯 is coming as promised Carly: [puts enough powder in her hand for Ali to snort, how intimate excuse them like she could have used her own hand or any surface Carly but go off] Ali: you're sweet enough darling Ali: [soz kstew just gals being pals 'cos obvs returning the favour and 'holding her hair out the way' aka stroking it] Carly: [when you more about that intimacy than the drug you're trying to take] Carly: aw Ali: [moment being ruined by some kind of unignorable strop moment from marlene clearly so she has to go and have an argument brb] Carly: should i go now? Ali: wait for me Ali: please? Ali: outside if you like or whatever, I'm being selfish but Ali: I ain't staying either Carly: k Carly: [is outside quietly singing a little mash up of both gay covers while she waits, just little bits of lyrics she likes from each lol] Ali: [not tryna drag this out and clearly we can't let it get to let's break up point so] Carly: lets go have some real fun Ali: [when she comes out, resting her arms on her shoulders and spinning her 'round and 'round like let's go] Carly: [is loving life again bye bitches] Ali: ['we can do anything we wanna' means now but also like always] Carly: [is buzzing because her life is literally so stagnant already like what a welcome premise & hugs her cos that's what she wants to do, always gotta be touching] Ali: [and hand holding] Carly: [complimenting her AGAIN as they going along cos she's a really good singer tbf so] Ali: [chatting away 'bout the kinda music she wanna do and what the band is about and starting her own etc but also about how pretty Carly's voice is and how it's too precious for the stage anyway] Carly: [okay but after they've nerded out over music Carly be like 'wait for me' runs into a shop really quick & buys Ali some honey for real cos she that nerd & presents it to her really happily wrapped in her headscarf or something cos again nerd] Ali: [you know how buzzing and touched she'd be 'cos also that nerd, being like you're such an angel and imma get you something so special etc] Carly: [Carly like you gotta eat it tho & opens it right there like she gonna drip it into Ali's mouth if she don't how gaaaaaay, steals some with her finger too obvs cos cute but also accidentally sexy all the time] Ali: [winnie screeching in the distance] Carly: [gets a phone call from her mum & answers in this state cos no fucks given on either side & then turns to Ali like my turn to take you to a family bbq cos I think the contrast would be hilarious so we should but not now cos give them some alone time @ god] Ali: [is down 'cos she's not a snob unlike someone we know rosalin and she'd be lowkey about it 'cos any excuse to spend time] Carly: [ronan will 100% be there cos hilarious like you gotta fight him Ali tbh] Carly: [just rambling about how much she loves Ali rn though cos always] Carly: 💙🌟🐝👼🚀 Ali: [backatcha and dropping the charity shop plan] Carly: [is so down obvs like little kid levels of excited] Ali: [running thru the streets of dublin like babes] Carly: [god fucking bless] Ali: [charity shop crawl so wild like leave 'em be world] Carly: [like how pure that they think of cat lady Ro & kstew would never bitch] Ali: [probably making friends with all the nice old ladies in there/horrifying the old bitches tho too lol] Carly: [this is why Carly makes my heart hurt cos she'd wanna be friends but would probably horrify lol] Ali: [tbf they are high] Carly: [as per again let them live peeps its summer] Ali: [should steal something but like something really tiny and silly 'cos sinning and stealing from a charity shop is pretty bad in a cute way somehow lol] Carly: [but leaving shoes behind or something cos barefoot life so the universe is balanced] Ali: [and ali would buy stuff for 'em both but making sure carly knows this ain't THE gift 'cos wants to swag that lol] Carly: [okay but can they also come back to buy homewares for the caravan when she gets her own thanks bye] Ali: [absolutely, just window shopping rn how you do like 'when I have my own place' but saying we 'cos #married] Carly: [Ali can actually get one of the actual things when cos its still there, oh my heart]

[kaytewrites]

polaris [asa&honor]

a piece about my centaur bard, asa, after a battle on the ship that’s been giving him so much grief. features honor, tiefling fighter, and mentions several other members of the party: leliana, silvenesti elf fighter; whitechapel, kagonesti elf ranger; theo, gnome wizard; melric, dwarven cleric; and balgruf, dwarven barbarian.

rating: G warnings: n/a word count: 1972

Asa thinks the closest he's ever been to a miracle is probably Melric when he starts up all his healin’ shindig. Feels like a warm, glowy hug it does, even if it don't get rid of the itchy feeling your skin holds after. Maybe that's just Asa.

Anyway. The second nearest thing had to be Honor. Honor, wrangling a tentacle into position for a perfect shot from Leliana, and in the next breath looking at Asa with those fangs of his bared and yelling out, “On your feet, soldier!” And just - up he got.

Asa can feel a flush fighting for attention on his face as he thinks about it, plucking out a lullaby on his lyre and humming a gentle tune as he sits with the rest of the wounded. Music helps healing. He knows that much. Music's always been good for that.

But the battle. Tentacles. He feels a little embarrassed at his reaction to those words. He'd just been so damn inspired. He'd kicked a tentacle clear of the damn ship, and even though he'd hit his knees right after, it had been worth it for the little flash of pride he'd seen in Honor's eyes.

He lets it play back in his head like he always does, working through the last lingering spats of adrenaline. He sighs as he remembers letting Balgruf slip from his grasp and splash into the dark water below, guilt staining his mood. He lets it linger for exactly ten seconds, counting it out.

(You can be angry, Asa. You can be mad, be sad, be frustrated, be scared. But you can't let it rule you. His Paw had put a hand on his shoulder, looking down at him with that serious glint in his eyes he got when he was trying to tell Asa something important. You have to make sure it's worth it.)

He breathes out. The guilt washes away, and he hums again, eyes closed. Balgruf’s alright, and so’s Whitechapel. All of ‘em are alive. Leliana even survived a nasty bout of friendly fire from the gnome - but Theo wasn't too bad himself, either, once he figured out where to aim.

Almost like clockwork, Asa opens his eyes and looks off to the left. Honor's there, leaning against an undamaged bit of railing, looking towards him. Asa gives him a little smile and a tip of his head, and decides to try a new trick.

《Hey there, partner,》he messages to Honor, hoping he's got the trick of it down right. From the startled look on his face, he can assume that yeah, he's got it.《Y’look a lil’ lonely there, Honor.》

His face scrunches in a way Asa is damn tempted to call adorable, and he hears a faint response in his head, like a whisper on the breeze. 《Asa?》

Honor's voice is a little different over the magic - there's less gravel to it, less of that odd doubled effect, and Asa almost doesn't recognize it.《The one’n only.》He hums a happy little tune, not certain if he sends that too or not. He debates for a moment whether or not to ask, but it won't any question, really. Not when it's Honor. 《You wanna come sit over here a spell? I'm findin’ myself a little lonely over here.》

Honor hesitates for just a moment, but Asa don’t mind. Honor’s always been a private sort of person in the couple of weeks he’s known him (and don’t that just boggle the mind. Weeks, he’s known the man, and he’s letting Honor ride him. Oh, if the herd could see him now.). Asa pauses plucking long enough to pat the deck and grin. Honor folds to the ground next to him, sitting upright and just far enough to not touch him. That’s the other thing, too - Asa ain’t been around a lot of fire-touched in his life, but he’s been around soldiers plenty, and they’re always touchin’ and singin’ and bein’ all about battlefield camaraderie. Did no one let Honor in on that one, the same way he had to figure out he had a smile?

Asa sighs. That just won’t do. He hums a little tune, low and soft, and nudges Honor with his elbow. 《I know ya gotta be achin’ a little bit after all that horsin’ around. Y’ain’t gotta sit so stiff. You can lean up against me - gotta be better than that railin’, too.》

Honor looks up at him with something he can’t name in his eyes - it ain’t fear, no, and it ain’t anger. Something like worry, or maybe even a little like surprise.

(Asa remembers feelin’ like that, too. Like the first time Whitechapel said his name, or the first time someone gave him a hug after he left the herd. Like he forgot what it meant to have people around that cared. It’s a scary feeling. Little bit like hope.

What must Melric feel like all the time? Asa lets the thought fade. He’s got Honor to worry about, right now.)

《Didn’t get hurt too badly,》Honor tells him - but he still, quietly and slowly, scoots a little closer, and every inch feels like a little victory in Asa’s chest. He doesn’t know why he’s so taken with Honor, but it’s a damn fine feeling. The tiefling’s got something about him that makes Asa want to trust him.

Eventually, Honor leans against his side, still stiff as a board, and Asa clicks his tongue, half-admonishment, half-amused. 《I ain’t that bad a pillow, am I?》Honor looks a little guilty at that, and Asa grimaces. 《Hey now, don’t worry about it. We’re worryin’ ‘bout feelin’ better right now.》

He breathes in, out, letting his shoulders fall, and starts singing.

It ain't real loud - Asa doesn't do loud, not for this. This is for healing. Sylvan’s easy as breathing to speak, and easier to sing, ‘specially for this. “Soft as a lover's sigh, softer than a lover’s kiss / as lover’s breath in lover’s ear, to thee I whisper this.”

He don’t make a real habit of singing like this. Music’s got a magic all it’s own, and Asa thinks of it like hearing his own heartbeat and playing along to it for everyone else. It’s all emotion. When he needs something to go down in a fight, an insult’ll do just as well as a song. He doesn’t think he’s sang for any of his companions yet, ‘cept for Whitechapel. It’s something - personal. When you really want something to stick.

“I’ve loved you years and years before, and years and years to come / from frozen peak to ocean shore, for thee I’ll see it done.”

And there it is. Asa can feel that warmth in his chest like a flower; and there’s another spot of it, too, leaning against his side. Honor’s always so warm to the touch - Asa’s struck by it whenever he touches the fire-touched, and he thinks he understands why they’re called that, now. Around him, the pained gasps and little pained movements begin to cease, easing into something more restful, less wounded.

Even Honor feels more relaxed at his side. Asa keeps singing. (“Dragons rage and roar and kill, and steal your heart from me / but never fear, my sweetest love, I’ll always rescue thee,” his mama sang, and Asa let his head rest on her back, drowzy in the afternoon sunlight.)

He hasn’t thought about his herd, his parents this much in years. Hasn’t seen them in nearly the same. Wars are hard to keep touch in. He doesn’t even know if they’re still alive.

He sings ‘till the song is done, and sags when it’s over. He forgot how much that takes out of him. He shuffles his legs beneath him, just a little - they’re starting to get that prickly feelin’ that means he’s been sittin’ too long. He thinks about getting up and going below decks, but -

- but, he hears the softest little sigh, and feels Honor relaxed against his side. He turns to look at him, and the tiefling has an arm on Asa’s back, his head pillowed against it. His eyes are shut, and his breathing is slow and even.

Well. Asa doesn’t like going below decks, anyway. They can stay out a little longer.

He looks up at the stars. It takes him a minute, but he can find her just fine - a quintet of stars that makes a harp in the sky. His Pa taught him that one. He watches her twinkle - imagines she's winking at him from the sky, and he tips his head and gives her a wink in return, just because he can.

“What are you - winking at?” He hears Honor growl behind him, and Asa flashes him a wink and a smile, too. Not as asleep as he thought, then.

“Nothing but the stars,” he says, and nods his head up. “See? They’re winkin’ at us, too. Thought I’d return the favor.”

Honor - smiles, and Asa doesn’t need to wonder why he’s been thinking of home so much. “Stars don’t wink.” Honor’s voice is deadpan, but Asa’s in on the joke, now, and it seems they’ve made their own space - ain’t no sea, ain’t no ship, just them and the stars watching each other.

“Sure they do!” Asa exclaims, flabbergasted. “See? Look up there! Each’n every twinkle - I swear on my coat that’s a wink. The stars are the biggest flirts in the world, up there winkin’ at us all the time.” He points to the harp, and almost as if on cue, two of the stars seem to almost dim and then sparkle once more in the sky.

Honor looks up, not bothering to straighten where he’s laying half on Asa’s back. “I still don’t think they’re winking.”

“We’ll just have to agree to disagree, hm? And when we get up there, we’ll see who’s right.” Asa gives him a wide smile, leaning down to nudge him with his elbow. He hesitates for half a second, unsure if the contact is welcome -

Fuck it, he thinks, and wraps an arm around Honor’s shoulders instead. It’s an impressive contortion of his upper torso, but he lets the near-hug drag on for a long moment before he pulls himself upright once more. “We should get back below decks. Steal a few winks o’sleep while we can. Supposed to make land tomorrow, right?”

“Right,” Honor says, and it seems a little distant. He must be more tired than he let on.

“C’mon, partner.” Asa wiggles his rear, making Honor sit up straight, and then cants up on unsteady legs. After a moment, he gets his feet under him and offers a hand to the soldier on the ground.

Honor takes it, and they make their way back to the corral. Asa peels out of his maille - he has to get Honor’s help to pull the back off his horse half, which is always an adventure - and folds his coat right’n proper. With his hat laying on top, he grabs the two little stubs of cotton he’s kept in his shirt pocket and plugs ‘em in his ears.

He glances over at Honor and sees him looking over. He unplugs one of his ears and smiles back at him. “G’nite, partner. We did good today, right?”

Honor takes a second to smile back, but when he does - well, Asa thinks it might be the best one yet. “Yeah. We did good, I think.”

“Awright!” He pumps a hand in the air, and grins wide. “We’ll keep bein’ heroes in the mornin’. Right now, I’m gonna sleep until we hit land. Don’t wake me till we see birds.”

He gives Honor a wink, too, and plugs his ear again - but not before he hears a quiet, gravelly “Goodnight, Asa.”

[queen-asante]

ejucated immigrant

((AUTHOR’S NOTE: @eene-fangirl For the Fanfiction Weekend Challenge! I should probably wait to post this for Rolf Appreciation Month, but there’s a lot of Jonny backstory/headcanons in here, so I thought it would count. Basically, it’s a poem from Rolf’s POV but it’s technically about Jonny, or rather, Jonny was my muse for this.

I haven’t written a poem in Rolf’s ‘’voice’’ since 2014 but believe it or not, that one little line that Edd says in ‘’A Case of Ed’’ inspired the poem (you know, the one), and as I was reading Ntozake Shange’s for colored girls who have considered suicide/ when the rainbow is enuf, it produced said result. A turnip for your thoughts? I don’t normally write Rolf like this, it’s actually more like Rolf emulating Ntozake Shange for those familiar with her style. As an Indian Immigrant girl who’s considered suicide, that book changed my life, she’s my idol. Hence, the poem is written in ebonics and all lower case to pay homage to Shange (and I consciously dropped third person redundancies, it wasn’t a mistake). Three non-EEnE characters are briefly mentioned: the first one is Vanessa, my friend who’s half African-American and half Haitian. The second one is Ice, who belongs to my friend, Dani. Ice, in her world, is a black and white cat who becomes Double D’s pet. Rolf fears him because he’s not only black and white, but he shares the name of Immigration and Customs Enforcement by pure coincidence. Dani didn’t plan this, as she created Ice before she met me but she liked the idea of giving Rolf a reason to fear the cat, and so we came up with that story together. The third one is Dr. Feelgood who was my therapist, it’s not her real name, it was an affectionate nickname I coined for her in my years battling Bipolar Disorder Type 3.

As a closing thought, much apologies for the length, also tumblr’s going to mess up the format.))

‘’ejucated immigrant’’

dear gods,

i be 14 wit skin as rough as treebark & hands dat look old

i waz the dark skined immigrant wanting to bathe in bleach

Brown Black / Blue Black / Amber Beige / Bister Brick Bronze / Chestnut Chocolate Cinnamin

Copper / Drab / Dust / Ginger / Fawn / Ochre / Coffe Colourd Caramel

Tawny / Terra-Cotta / Henna / Sepia / Umbre

lookin in the thesurus eddward wit two ds give me when i come to dis country

everything spell Brown but nothing spell White

White sound nice like pearl like snow like milk like golden skined white skined light skined

honey dipped / lemon kissed / but begging for ivory / fair frosted silvery ashen boy jimmy

your white hands on my brown skin

i waz the dark skined immigrant botherin to drag you round

you stand there like a closed mouth statue & you insult my way of life

think you know everythin / rolf just some ignorant third world peasant or somethin

but we be livin dis way longer than the foundin of your land

your country young my country old

numbers & poppy / it just to give you illegitimately born breeds of donkeys

somethin to hee-haw over / science say there no gods either but who know dat

you cannot contain lightning bugs in a jar

i waz the dark skined immigrant dreamin of shakin the mr presidents hand

the former mr president wit eyes like a tired old man & Brown his Brown like a mud bath

it really too bad you know / rolf like your former president

dat black man who dont check dixtionaries for validation of his blackness

he not so bad / he waz sympathetic to the plight of the immigrant but his hands tied

not blame him / he not god he not have all the power in the world to fix dis weather

dis cloud dat hang over your land & who the hell is perfect?

it really such a shame / i dream to see the Hill / see the pearly house painted white the place where he live meet him shake his large brown hand / one brown hand to another

cept i not black / rolf not have to be / not pass / rolf european he is white not bloodless

he not pass he not be white enough for your country

cept i be white on the inside look coloured on the out but i aint no coloured

under my skin i am more than a colour

whoever herd of white passing for person of colour

but suddenly i get to dis country & i be treated no different than jonny

so alls i got is coloured dreams

poor grate nano lived & died on silly dreams / well they not exist

there be only reality & reality not kind to the dark skined indigenous immigrant

no one know what i supposed to be / take a wild guess

indian pakistani mexican romani rolf herd it all & none suppose right

they only looking at my face / the outside the outside not matter

cuz i waz the dark skined immigrant not italian not irish but the other kinds

& no one will see unless rolf cut open his veins & bleed

a Wood Nymph have my colour & if i check off the box dat say caucasian i get a funny look

from the lady sittin behind the counter wit the yellow nail polish & beaded eyeglass

spose if jonny do the same they wont believe him neither

jonny be good

yous see him dancin / wearin his stomach out / dark skined bare feet / swayin his hips

& grate thin arms but he not care dat he gots splinters in his fingertips

his nails turnin all black & blue & those chapped lips look like eyes starin out atchu

the gods make dis child the way he is

wit skinted knees & all & elbows pointed outwards readin you like a map

always wit the label on the left side

but he bootiful & he know it / beauty sometime come in the empty coffee can

not in the paper lillies or plastic pearls

you cant make a silk purse from a sows ear / even if dat ear be made of wood

of wood widda crayon drawn smile

jonnys mother the madwoman in the attic

rolf be certain jonny the wood boy some kind of elf from the passage of Valhöll

the mother of the Tree Sprite she not like rolf / well she not like any child it seems

weepy jimmy-boy & rolf invited to jonny-boys abode for a meeting of the Urban Rangers

& tho his mother never says so we feel she not like us very well

she never ast us to stay for lunch

even tho rolf personally would not eat a morsel of what these people eat

& we always been so polite to her but still she build walls

rolf believe she jealous of us becuz jonny likes us

she come out to the parlour / barefoot / flowers in her wild tangled mess of black raven hair

like yoko ono & wearing a long paisley skirt / she bootiful in an earthy sort of way

but she has a wild look in her eyes like a tigress

a violently insane expression like a german vampire dat make rolf think of bertha mason

she looms over her son like a dark older sister becuz they look so alike

altho her skin much darker / a deep chocolate brown / her complexion remind rolf of vanessa maybe she is haitian / she like the demon in nanas stories the one we all have widdin us

who comes out when we try too hard to be good children

she look at white as snow jimmy & myself like she disprove

either she not like us the uniforms or both

rolf forget tho these hippies wit their anti-establishment

they think every uniform represents what jonny calls ‘’the Man’’ & dats what it is rolf think

she not want jonny in the organisation

becuz she think it goes against their opposition to social norms

rolf could tell she wanted to ast us to leave / she not like jonny spending so much time wit us

becuz then he not at home meditating wit her or whatever it is they do

jonnys family is strange / they not eat meat & walk around shoeless

rolf has been called a gypsy by the children at school but flower child jonny seem to rolf more of a gypsy if there ever waz such a thing

he is almost ethereal / his family must be from a clan of faeries the kind nana warns rolf about but brown-skinned jonny seem harmless enough

i watch his mama put a daisy in the pocket of his jeans

i not know if his daddy be white or black but what difference does dat make

rolf understand it is important for a child to love their family no matter their faults

i know The Giving Tree still love his mother

even if she would prefer him to leave the Urban Rangers

of us three jimmy be the whitest of white jonny the blackest of black & i somewhere in between

but any one of us can walk into a puerto rican bar & start speakin spanish

& no one would know what we are

race too complicated & people too narrow minded / want everything boxed in

one day we waz layin on dat grassy knoll / jonny & i

where the trees whisper to us & we whisper back

cuz you know the boy talk to trees & i listen to his voice / & i be lookin at our hands you see

cuz we waz layin inches apart a flower between us & i tuck it behind his ear

then i look & see my skin only one shade lighter than his

tho the sun make me browner than i really be

out in the sun for hours & hours plowing & plowing the fields

by sundown i roasted coffee bean brown / as black as the inside of a chimney

& if i stumble into town any passing stranger would think i waz Black i mean African

id have to stay out of the sun for days to get my old colour black lest i wander round wit only the whites of my eyes visible on my sun burnt dyed rust brown brown skin

& hair so course youd suppose it come off a horses ass

lookin more like an American Indian than a White

i holdin the back of my hand up to jonnys now

how bout dat two brown hands one dark & one light but whos to say i not be a dark white & he not a light skined brown

dont you dare tell me what i am & am not

bitch dis aint no south africa where yous all can reassign us based on what you think

i aint no sandra laing but sometime i wouldnt mind bein black if it meant for you to leave me be

in fact ill gladly be whatever you want me to be but i am what i am

not black enough for black not white enough for white so what am i?

dont box me into Black & White / cuz in dis world brother dat not exist

im sorry as hell but i gettin real tired of bein called

an illegal / an alien / a wop / a gypsy / a guinea / a brownie whatever you want to call us

all your bigoted slurs clumping us together like we one & the same

dat fine but papers or no papers not define who i am

so uncle sam can take it & shove it

welcome to america!

i be having a long love affair wit your country & people

i also be having a war wit em

mama told me there are limits for dark skined immigrants stuck in dis light skined first world

we come over the border wit all the rest of them

wit all them people from central & south america

wit all them refugees from africa & asia

guess what we blend right in we look no different

look just like any other brown faced ‘’illegal alien’’

border patrol take one look at us & think we just like the rest

cuz yesterdays europeans are todays mexicans & middle easterners

coloured Sons of Shepherds gots few chances

what it like to be bilingual / to speak in two tounge

ah but to be fluent in one & not the other tryin to find any definishun in the dixtionary

in which i drop third person redunduncies cuz i only one person not three

& i only speak two language

you speak spanish?

no habla inglés

you speak english?

i dont speak spanish

one day the hat & head as one edd boy say oh rolf! youre so unejucated!

i think my ears deseeve me but i know what i herd

i wish to strike his milk honey cheeks full of nonsense

& say to him i am the ejucated immigrant you be warned about

dont talk to me bout ejucashun

i sale cross the oshun

i wash up on your shore

i lern another language

it wasnt easy

what you know bout ejucashun

all you know come from books & theories

at least i know where i stand

you are a child & i am old old old my hands notted thick wit veins like the roots of a tree

you say i sound angry / yea i angry but not as angry as you

cuz there nothing they fear more than a minority who knows what up

i used to be fraid but not no more

i used to fear the plainclothes agents in Black & White uniform

of immigration & customes enforecement / of ICE police

of eddwards Black & White cat name Ice on ICE

he must be making fool out of me to call a domesticated beast after homeland security

a cat in uniform because the gods make him so not by choice

like there be some purpose to it / i waz the dark skined immigrant you made fun of

i see what they do to the undocumented immigrant on the telly  

but now i not be fraid / becuz you cant touch me

so the grapefruit widda red ugly mouth & bleached hair sit in office now

damming all them people from ‘’shithole countries’’ / just as well but we here to stay

it not what i ast for but no use fighting it

& i will gladly pull the bookmarks from my english dixtionary

the one double d edd boy give me

no longer will i bathe in bleach / only use to washing dishes & floors

i not some bloody floor

‘’immigrant’’

at least i can spell dat  / i look it up in the dixtionary

websters dixtionary / who the hell is webster?

but now it marked up used copy wit yellow post it notes

i use it a lot to lern your tounge

i not smart but i sho as hell not unejucated / papa can tell me dat

i be in your country in first place to reseeve ‘’best ejucashun’’ like grate nano wanted

grate nano waz an adventurer / a dreamer wit big goals

he travell far & wide seeking fame & fortune

when he a very young boy immigrants from every cesspool in western & eastern europe set sale for The North / it waz always grate nanos dream to travel North

everyone say he more insane than a bovine wit mad cows disease

there no room in dis life for dreams they tell him / he prove our village wrong

when rolf eight years of age grate nano briefly left the Old Country to set sale for america

everyone say he be too old / he never too old for dreams

he wanted to find dat American Dream he hear so often about

spoken wit fondness by the tinkers who visit our land

he returned from his valiant voyage wit stories about what he seen

in the North  he said everyone has cars & money & television & running water

no one listen / The North the North they say dat is all you ever talk about

he waz a man who dreamed of a new life for his family & so he decided to send for us

& make a better life for ourselves after the plagues of the land had haunted our family for years grate nano promised us america he said youll soon be eating apple pie from off a china plate white picket fence / coca cola / santa clause / marilyn monroe / empire state building

it sound like a fairytale he spun a legend dat the streets waz paved wit gold

& we believed him for shining in grate nanos eye waz a dream & so here we are

rest his soul he wanted so much to buy us light & sun & clean wind of the oshun

‘’immigrant’’ waz a new word for rolf when he first come here

did not know after hearing the stories from grate nano dat he would soon be one himself

rolf not know what dat mean & still really dont

the dixtionary definishun say \ ˈi-mə-grənt \ noun. a person who comes to a country to take up permanent residence

\ ˈi-mə-ˌgrāt \ verb. [to go or remove into; in, into, and migrate, to remove.]

to come into a new country, region, or environment in order to settle there: opposed to emigrate.

oh sorry dat definishun not say we unclean people / flea invested vermin

sickly serpents who not speak english / greaser / sheenie

contagions of american society / incredibly dirty tramps fresh off the boat

so pervasive / such nonwhite filth / staring back at pitch black faces

not blonde haired & blue eyed / nonwhite skin only fit for dirt & waste work

mama papa kiss me goodbye i going to haiti

but it is what rolf is now it part of his identity just as much as the colour of his skin

just as much as bein a pagan / just as much as bein a male

just as much as bein the Son of a Shepherd

now rolf a new man living in the New World

i am an immigrant

sometime i wish i waz shug avery / bootiful fictional dark skin harlem singer

half man half woman / wit my large glittering masculine thighs i make an animal of men

maybe i have the courtesan complex

so i ast dr feelgood what my diag-nonsense

& she say poor soul you suffer from Stressed Shepherd Syndrome

okay so we all crazy in one way or another / it alright for some

of a mannequin in tears / of personal prejudices

im an unejucated farm boy from No Mans Land

im a poet who write in english

neisatnaf i isatnaf ne / ttim tetrejh dem gnyalp re lesgnel og gem tolrof nuh

rettenremmos i sirb ne mos rav ed / gem etlatrof nuh dro retsem nadrovh

etted tal eddejks rofrovh? / enneh lit gem trekided gej og enneh teksnø etrejh ttim

senneh enenyoø ås gej etted tla eddejks rofrovh

& this is for Sons of Shepherds who have considered suicide

fin

[have-some-mercy]

JunkratxCisFem Reader | Part 1 | SFW |

Warning! Cussing, bad relationship, mention of death, mention of death of the young, mention of wanting a family, bad self esteem,depression,anxiety

I got your other messages, no worries. 

NSFW will come next part if not for a possible 3rd part.

Junkrat’s speach will be in Bold

———————————————————————————–

Tired from a mission your attitude was more agitated then anything. Such a rare event when the mission was a complete success. However you found your emotional wall put up. All you wanted to do was curl into bed and sleep. Yet rest was something you couldn’t attain, at least not yet with all these papers that had to be filled. Today’s missions resulted with many dead. Mostly the enemy but casualties did occur. Some included kids, the very thought put your mood even further down the dump. Your team couldn’t get to them in time. To top it all off you all were talking about families on your way over. Later joking on the cliche with movies “the one who mentions their family dies first!”. 

You sighed. Though having won the battle the ongoing air of defeat still lingered. Aside from earlier event the thought of the topic still created something. Or more so re-open a thought to which you actually confessed much to everyone’s; including your own; surprise. “A family” you murmured. Mostly to your self, absentmindedly grazing your stomach with your elbow. You have wanted one for so long yet not at the same time. Wondering such had you think of your relationship. It has been rocky to say the least. Your in a poly relationship but the issue was your partner who has had diligent attention on others. Where as for you it has been…lacking. If not gone entirely. The thought at the back of your mind causing an audible scoff. Relaying the words in your mind as your body acted them with exaggerated detail. Air quoting it all. “Oh don’t worry babe your always my number one! ”, “yes babe i know, we need to love each other equally”, “but babe give them a chance! There such a good fuck!” And on that note you growled at the notion. Firstly you cant just mindlessly fuck someone. Even in your desperate state you always needed a connection, to know them well, and frankly you felt like you didn’t know your s/o at all anymore. Especially when all of this could have been prevented, and yes you tried to do just so. Being the mindful person you are you never asked for much let alone often. Always insuring there was time yet it always ended up the same. 

When it came to your needs it was always, “oh I’m sorry I’m just too tired, can I take care of you another day?” Yet right away a text led them out the door. It never failed. “It never fuckin failed… Auuggg!” You hated your self more at the thought. Feeling inadequate in every way. ‘was their something wrong with me?’. Catching your reflection off your phone you fixed a stray strand of hair. ‘am i not attractive?’ You would get compliments from new recruits but it only lasted a week till they would all shy away from you. ‘onto the next best thing’ you thought before quickly burring it. Covering your face, careful with the pen in hand as you curse your self for even worrying about that. 'you fuckin attention whore.. Maybe that’s why they don’t do anything to you..’ The more and more you thought about your flaws the worse you felt.  The pen soon came down hard as you filled out more paperwork. “I’m such a fuckin self absorbed bitch..“The room carried your voice like a ghostly echo as you steeled your self from brimming tears. Such causing you to jolt at realizing you just said it all aloud, hearing it echo back. Unbeknownst to you the door was closing behind you. Your thoughts snap back to work. Shaking it off with a sigh. It was late anyhow, no one wanted to be up at this hour and no one usually was. After filling out the last line of your current page you soon found not everyone slept soundly.

The sound of the door closing and the familiar scent of gunpowder had you whip around from where you sat. Glaring as the tall blond grinned down at you. Such a look on your face made him titter. Your self growling at the invasion of privacy. “How long have you been here?” You sounded as annoyed as you looked. The display had his interest peaked.  Swinging his peg leg he slowly walked to you. “You know, fer an Overwatch agent ya sure have a bad watch on yer back! Been 'er a while now.” Growling you turned back to your paperwork. Embarrassed at the fact. “I’m at base, I can have the privilege to leave my guard down you know. ” angrily working you heard the junker hum.“true but what you said earlier seems a'bit mooorree” rolling his hand as he gestured to your confessions.

Slamming your hands down you blushed. You wanted to die as the realization dawned you. Jamison “Junkrat” Fawkes, the one agent who did not know the word incognito/and your best friggen friend! Heard you. You knew him-oh you knew him WELL-the way you felt was also more than a friend should but he didn’t know. You made sure he would never know. After all the first person you felt this way ended out so…- shaking your head you turned ready to spit fire but soon drew back. 'When did he get so close?!’ Breath caught as he loomed over you. Soon resting on his elbow, smug grin at your reaction. “You know..” He drawled. “If ’m not mistaken, you n your luvy.. ” rolling his eyes at the last part but his annoyance soon hidden with a grin. “Ye both seem.. Done.” Nope, nope you weren’t having this. About to get up he soon stopped you. Soot covered finger soon pressed against your lips. “ only sayin cuz i heard 'em havin quite the time tonight!-” before he continued it was your turn to intervene. “We’re in a poly relationship. They can do so if they want.” However this night i particular they didn’t say anything. From what you knew they said they’d be on a mission. Your answer seemed to have caught the lanky man off guard. Raising a brow. “So.. They can fuck who ever? ” His words left a bad taste in your mouth. Scrunching your nose as you spoke. “No, it’s all based on trust. We let each other know. We say who we’re dating and make time for each other, as do we do so for our other loves. But like-if they want to go have one night stands we talk before hand and just insure they’re safe..-wait why am i explaining this–” Quick to reply “ 'cuz I’m ya friend n wana help. Look darl, correct me if am wrong but ah haven't seen hide nor hair of 'em round your barracks.” You wanted to interject but he continued. What surprised you was how accurate but also how annoyed he was getting.“an if what ya say is true then why havnt they least said hi to you? ” again you opened your mouth but more was said. “N even in the breaky hall! They be just a table away but clammer on with there mates n pals!!”

You forced a smile now. To hurt to be angry anymore. “Well.. They say hi, and we text all the time just-” as you say that he got your phone. Such an action making you jump for it. His stern expression shocking enough to have you stop and turn away. Recoiling as he flipped through. Sneering as he read out loud. Tone mocking how your s/o sounds. “Day 7. Luv u. Day 8. Morning luv! Day 23!!! Miss you-this was when they had the fuckin day off–” you reached for your phone desperately. “Well they probably had a lot of work-” he jerked up and seems to click out of text into social media. Continuing “Day twenty-funkin-three! Had the best day of my life with twins! ” By now you only stood shakily. Fidgeting nervously,still forcing that smile as you spoke. Voice inching towards a weak sob but you’ll be dammed if you let someone see you cry. “well maybe it was the twins from work?” “OF COURSE IT’S THOSE SKANKS!!! How else ya think they got the job? Cuz i don’t hear much about work wit em- and trust me! Ol Fawkes is well informed! ” Your voice near pleading as you spoke. “Jamison they are- A cheatin fuck face?- No i mean they work so hard-on fuckin anythin that moves?! Cept for the one they been with for how fukin long now?-we haven’t had time to talk- The one gal who has been with em-Jamie-put up with more of their shit-please!-then ANYONE SHOULD EVER HANDLE-its cuz their struggling and- but she still gets cheated on but-'oh! Its ok because they STILL GO BACK TO EM!!”

You broke. Walls all crumbled as your first sob escaped. How long has it been since you cried? Actually cried? In front of someone no less? Nearly missing the chair it skid slightly with how you dropped. Gritting your teeth as you wiped your tears that seems to never end. You hated this feeling. Feeling so weak, so helpless and vulnerable. It’s why you never get cry. Let alone in front if this man. Such something you never wanted to admit but he somehow made you feel.. Safe? However right now you were to overwhelmed but you needed to hear this, but you didn’t expect it to end up like this.

Seemed this was not what he expected either. Hearing you sob snapped him out of ranting. He never meant to get like that and right away he quickly tried to hold you. Uttering many apologize as he wiped your tears. Cursing at himself at the fact he let himself snap like that. He was always good with holding in his emotions but with her.. Well-they had a way of making him feel relaxed. Too relaxed from what hes now gathered. “Ah fuck love ah-ah didn’t mean to hurt ya.. I swear m’ not usually like this-y-you know that right? just..that’s.. That’s all fucked up and you don’t deserve that shit!” Wincing at his angry tone along the end. Inwardly cussing himself out once more.

Your words were choked on tears, a seeming whisper on the wind. “I know…” “Then why stay?” Tilting your head as he said such. Your puffy eyes looking away. “Because… Because things can change..we’ve been trying to get better… It'l get better right.” “When?” Even you questioned the thought. Such letting more tears out as you hiccuped into your arm. Your chest started to hurt as you let it all out. To your surprise you liked being held as you did such. His prosthetic moving your arms around his neck so he could lift you. The junker soon sat on the chair. You on his lap, chin atop your head. Reflexively you withdrew your hands close to your chest once he sat. Clutching the harness on his chest as if it save your life. You have not cried in so long. You have not felt so.. So..  You didn’t even know this feeling anymore and that just made you bury your head further against him. Sobbing out of frustration,anger,but most of all pain. His arms held you close, himself gritting his teeth at the fact someone could make you feel this much pain. He hated the fact he had you cry but knew you needed to let it out in the end. The sight sparked something inside him, he was familiar with it but never to such a degree-let alone for a human. He thought on what to do, planning how to pay them back for all your suffering, but your voice woke them from delving further into those thoughts. The sound of your voice ripped his heart at how utterly defeated, broken, and vulnerable you spoke. “…..what do i do?… ” you looked up at him through glossy eyes. Silently pleading for an answer. He has never seen you like this-he knows no one else has either. You always smiled, you always spoke so happily with such a joyous spark. Always with a skip to your step that seems to have declined over the years of your relationship. Your anger earlier was something rare, usually from video games or losses in general but this.. This was something he wanted to make sure wouldn’t ever happen again. Cupping your cheek he thumbed a tear. You finding your self leaning into his warmth. Slowly he pressed your heads together nose to nose and followed with a kiss on the forehead. The action surprising you enough to look up. He wasn’t grinning, he just watched the door now and held you closer. Before you could ask he looked at you. Lopsided smile that seemed so soft and different then the others hes given. “Well darl’ that’s where bein a master thief comes in! ” your confused gaze was met by his hand holding yours. Pulling you to meet his lips with yours. You blushed heavily. Feeling like a teenager in love all over again. He only parted slightly. “It eats me up seeing something so rare an beautiful get treated like shit.” Kissing you once more, almost desperately through now heavy breaths. “So am stealin ya. Ok?” The kiss lasted long, longer then either of you expected. The flush apparent on both if your faces once parting. Your self quivering at the feeling it gave you. Himself steeling something else reacting.

The very thought of him stealing you away had you blushing like mad-if that  weren’t happening already. “W-whah-but Jamie I-” His hands held both yours tight yet gently. Keeping you close but still giving you the choice to back off. “Y/N i’d never wrong ya like that.. Yeah ’t be different cuz am not x'actly poly but.. I know how ta treat someone right-'spesialy if 'ts you. ” he wanted to kiss you again but steeled himself once more. “Doll you’re the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen-an i have a discerning eye!-but that’s not just why!-just-your-…..-you!!-” panicked to not sound like he just liked-no LOVED her for her body he shouts. “YOU DRIVE ME INSANE!-just-more! ” scrambling for the right words he inwardly face palmed. He was a genius with many things but this was not one of them. Or at least with you it wasn’t. “You make everythin so difficult you know-wait that sounds wrong!-not like that but your like distracting and shit-ah-Like i luv your body but there more to this feeling-wait!-you just make me feel better??-different?!-WORDS- OH FUCK IT ALL MATE! THINK!–I MEAN I CANT THINK!! ” You giggled, such making him look away with a defeated groan. Covering his face with a slap, wincing as he realized to late he used his prosthetic. The other still in ur grip. “well.. Ah dun fucked it up” Yet your hand puled him from thinking more, tugging his slightly. Peeking through metal fingers his expression lightened from seeing you smile. It being contiguous as he found himself grinning ear to ear, still embarrassed if the blush didn’t already show it. Your thumbs gently stroke the back of his hand. Reassuringly, trying to calm him. Sniffling slightly as you spoke, the light back in your voice. “Jamie, relax. Take a breath o.k.?” He rose a brow but complied. Prosthetic falling on the arm rest as he took an exaggerated deep breath, letting it out justly. He couldn’t look you in the eyes with out burning up so your turn to speak. “So… Am i really that distracting?” Thinking back when you worked together you recall his pace seeming slower then normal. Or so the bigger junker would state. Remembering missions together were always more difficult as his post would always be left. You would find him causing havoc near you instead. Yes it made it more difficult but later you seemed to note the pattern as the team ended up assigning such to happen rather then it do so unplanned. The thought made you smile. “C'mon. Fantastic Mr.Fawkes, this little runt can’t create that kind of effect.” Oh he looked ready to say the most detailed explanation on how everything about that was wrong until he saw you giggle once more.Covering your smile behind a hand. “Do I really drive you that crazy?” You said with a smile that’s now uncovered. Such as soft as he’d always wish to see for him. The question earning a chuckle. “I know it seems impossible but ya 'ave a way of bringin things outa me ah thought were nonexistent!” Your blush had the mans stomach feeling butterfly’s all over again. His confidence back as he cupped your chin to look at him once more. He watched as your hand soon cupped his once it moved to your cheek. Expecting it to pull it away yet great full if not gleeful when you held it more firm. Almost as if you were admiring the feeling. “So..” You spoke “do you really think I’m beautiful?” With out missing a beat. “More than any secret treasure in all 'f me life! ” Shaking your head as you giggled you couldn’t stop the grin. “Are you sure your 'Discerning eye’ ain’t wrong? I’m pretty sure i’m damaged goods by now.” Closing the gap which dwindled from each word he left you both nose to nose. Looking down as he Eskimo kissed you. “Hah, i’d stake my career on it-oh wait-I already do! ” as the two of you shared a laugh but never parting he finalized. “But uh-I find the best things are when ya work together on it. Long as you don’t mind my broken parts fillin in the gaps?” Your smile was so filled with happiness. The air alike as you spoke. “Wouldn’t have it any other way!”

You two shared nervous giggles as the realization set in. He didn’t want to let go, and you didn’t want him to either. After a few moments enjoying each others embrace, along with cuddling and nuzzling, he was quick to catch your lips. Quick pecks that soon roamed all over your face. Causing little squeaks as you let your self relax and just absorb it all. This felt so.. So perfect. So loving yet perfect. You couldn’t recall the last time you felt like this. It was so heart warming, so beautiful, so relaxing and peaceful and pure. You wept, sniffling again. The sound and wet sensation making Junkrat draw back. Worried he over step but your smile had him quirk a brow. “Wot?” His voice confused. Wiping your tears he leaned back in in case your voice was mere whispers behind the sobs. “Its just..” Giggling once more. “I feel so loved. ” your words made him blush, cheeky smile as he soon went back to being nose to nose with you. You couldn’t hold back a grin either. “This is bliss!” Your words left Jamison laughing gently. “Hey! That’s my line!” Quick to respond it was now your turn to shower the man in kisses. Such earning a whimper and a melting Junker. One who soon purred as he leaned against the seat. “Nn. Your right tho..cuz ’ve finally reached heaven!”

[thebitchmint]

Ride Along 1.2

“We have just over 3 hours left till we reach Michigan.” Kylie sighed heavily from the driver seat. Her co pilot Neville was passed out in the passenger seat head resting on the window. “I know dude but seriously we can’t stop, Smackdown is tomorrow night and I would really like to sleep in a bed before we have to wrestle again.” Heather’s voice was low from the behind Kylie. She was running her fingers through short red hair as Sami snoozed on her lap. The quadruplet had rotated driving shifts as they travelled from St. Louis to Michigan for Smackdown. Delayed from flying because of the snow, they were almost to their destination and the girls didn’t know if they were sad because they were exhausted, or if because the trip would be over. “What did the hotel service say again?” Kylie looked at heather in the rearview mirror, “well I called to confirm the reservation but because of the weather they are combining rooms, your room is reserved but I think they bumped mine and Neville’s reservations because we were so late.” “Ah well you can sleep on the floor then.” Kylie smirked to the steering wheel. “UH no thanks I will sleep in the car before I let you NOT share a room with the man in the seat next to you.” Dyna whispered to Distortia as both girls giggled. “Man whatever, I doubt the Coffee hero back there will let you sleep in the car, or on the floor, or alone ever again for that matter.” Giggling broke out again. “DUDE they are recording this.” The girls tried to muffle their laughter. They kept forgetting this would all be on the show. “Well, whatever. We will figure it out when we get there.” Heather sat back in her seat and closed her eyes. “You good for another hour?” She asked Kylie. “Yeah rest because Sami is driving next and the last two hours will take 4 if you aren’t keeping his ass on track.” Kylie thought about the show, what footage would they use? She had to chuckle at herself reflecting back on the trip so far. There was no doubt about all the flirting, including the really juvenile game of truth or dare. 

Soon soft snoring from the backseat signalled that both Heather and Sami were out. Kylie was flipping through radio stations looking for music when Neville yawned and stretched in his seat. “Oh snap you’re up.” “Ware are we?” “Just outside of Lancing Michigan, why?” “Curious, we have what another 2 hours or so?” his thick welsh accent making his words hard to understand was a stark contrast to Kylie’s American one. “Yes.” “Just so y’kno im on to yous and heather’s grand scheme.” Kylie looked at Neville nervously, who wasn’t looking at anything but the back of his eyelids. “What?” “Aw yea jumping in our ride along so she and sami can get chummy.” Neville giggled a little. “They might quite the pair.” He said before turning to glance at them both snoozing in the back. “Oh uh I have no idea what you’re talking about but sure.” Kylie’s grin was a dead give away. “Truth is he is smitten with her and always has been. The minute she became single he was vying for her eye.” “Well then we did a good thing huh? matchmaking should be added to our resume of talent. You do remember this is being recorded.” Kylie looked at the camera planted on the dash board. Neville bursted out laughing before he could control himself, “Aw piss he is going to scald me for that one.” Things settled down for a minute when Neville spoke up again, still leaning against his window, eyes closed. “Truf is, I wanted it too.” “What?” Kylie looked at him and back at the road. “Oh I wasn’t sure about something, but I figured if you tagged along for this you’d be down to ride with me again. Jus me.” Neville was looking at her now. “Well duh. Pffft” He was making her nervous, not that that was new. “Yea we work pretty well together, and I’m glad we’ve become close friends.” Kylie stared hard at the road ahead of her. “Yep.” The sexual tension was the highest it had ever been between Distortia and Neville ever since she was mercilessly attacked from behind on 205 live. She was Neville’s puppet ringside, the king of the cruiserweights had his very own Harley Quinn and the pair was absolutely magic together. Rich Swann, in trying to catch Neville, ran over Distortia, causing Neville to lose his mind and take Swann out. He carried Distortia from the ring and as the trainers looked her over, he swore an oath in welsh to avenge her attack. His brown eyes were glowing as he looked at her, his intensity and wrath flowed through the room and camera like an arctic wind from the North Pole. Kylie had never been so turned on in her life. Fast forward a few weeks to ride along and even though it was snowing all around them in michigan, Kylie could feel herself starting to sweat under Adrian’s gaze. “Cept it won’t last much longer, Thank God.” Neville muttered turning his eyes to the window. “Huh?” kylie still stared at the road, “Well if you think I am sharing a room in detroit with these two love birds, you’re mad.” Neville jammed his thumb to the back seat where Heather and Sami were still passed out. “Also I can assure you, neither of us will be sleeping...or stirring on the floor either. Too much back and forth for all that daftness.” Kylie glanced at the English brute as he sat back in his seat, pulling his beanie over his eyes and crossing his arms. “No need to be fraid either love, I’ll be as gentle as I can with you as long as you do as you’re told.” Neville finished with a smirk. Kylie swallowed hard. She knew she was in for a ride when they got to Detroit. “Ye I hope that makes the cut for the show as well, lord knows the whole wwe universe will love it.” Smirking still Neville grabbed Kylie’s hand and laid back in his seat.

As they unloaded the SUV at the hotel , Sami caught Heather grabbing her by the arm whispering "Hey would you mind not sharing a room with Kylie today? I was hoping Neville and her could...uh well get cozy.” He made this smashing movement with his hands cupped. Heather had to smile, he was adorable. The snow was coming down softly for now but it was supposed to stick. “Sure I had that thought, but reservations are tight as it is so if there aren’t any more rooms, I guess I can walk down a few blocks and see about another hotel.” “No no no Sami threw his hands up, My reservation is confirmed, you can stay with me.” “uh with you?” Heather stuttered. “Well its a double bed, so yeah I just wanted Neville to think it wasn’t reserved so Kylie would offer and bada bing bada boom they’d get it on.” Sami clapped his hands for extra feeling, Heather giggled. “Ok ok sami no worries.” “yeah but how do we get them UP there without us having to go UP there too.” His brown eyes searched her face for answers. “Listen leave that to me, ok? just follow my lead.” She smoothed Sami’s jacket lapel and softly patted his chest. He grabbed one of her hands and kissed the back of it “Oh I would follow you anywhere.” 

“Ok OK well I’ll take the room, until we get someone down here to do my laundry service. IT must be done in a few hours and professionally. This is the gear I need for tonight.” “I will sleep on the floor.” “Sami I promise it’s not necessary, its got two double beds.” Heather was a little disappointed about that tidbit but beggars cant be choosers, every hotel for blocks was full because of the weather delay and they had smackdown in 8 hours. She needed 5 of those to sleep, and shower and eat and she was tired of fighting with the desk clerk, trying NOT to be heard by Kylie or Neville who were waiting to see what would become of their friends. “Hey they are calling around to see about a laundry service, y'all go ahead and we will be up there in a second.” Heather had thrown a fit about having her gear cleaned before smackdown. It was clean but it was just the distraction they needed to get Kylie and Neville off their backs. She knew Kylie wouldn’t have to be told twice, but if her and sami really didn’t have a room she knew Kylie wouldn’t hesitate to offer hers. She was in the suite after all. Perks of being the smackdown number one contender, and a master suite gold card holder. Heather held her breath until the elevators closed on Kylie and Neville, “phew omg ok I am so sorry, I don’t need a laundry service.” Sami’s jaw hit the counter. “Mam, I promise...” “NO No...I promise my gear is fine. Thank you so much for putting up with my show. I just needed those two to get to their room.” The check in clerk looked exasperated but relieved as she handed over the room key. Heather pulled a 50.00 bill out of her wallet and folded it into a small sliver, made a makeshift envelope out of a hotel notepad paper and slipped it under the clerks keyboard. She grabbed her purse and suitcase and motioned Sami to follow her. She felt bad because she was a raging bitch but she knew Kylie would make a bee line out of there. “Omg you made all that up?” He said. “You said we had to have a distraction, I threw on my diva cap, what else. Kylie hates it when I act like that....I will hear a lecture from her later.” Heather rolled her eyes as she watched the elevator light blink it way down to the lobby. Sami was still staring at her, wide eyed. “That means you’ve been a diva before?” “ Listen if I am exhausted, like I am on the verge of being right now, or hungry, all bets are off. My southern charm and manners go right out that window and I can be a real bitch.” Heather calmly stared at Sami’s reflection in the elevator doors as he stared at the floor on the ride up. Double beds, ugh well at least Kylie will get laid Heather thought to herself. “You must be really exhausted.” Sami’s tone was quiet as they walked to their room. “Travelling by car always seems so much more exhausting and I drove 6 hours of that 8 hour trip. I am tired, I am human you know?” Heather opened their room and set her stuff inside by the window. Sitting on her bed, she watched Sami throw himself back on his bed, “Do you want to shower first?” she asked him. Sami stared at the ceiling for a minute, “There are so many things I’d rather be doing.” His reply jerked Heather around.

[crzcorgi]

A Sign of Thanks

Second Part to Little Lost Soul

2000 words

Warnings ~ Negan language, bit of angst (reader is selectively mute), no smut in this part

Tags are at the end. Want on or off my taglist? Just drop me a note!

  After Fat Joseph took y/n down to the kitchen for some fruit, I decided I fucking needed to have a talk with Simon.

 Picking up my radio, “Simon, get your ass to my quarters now.”

 A few seconds later, “okay, boss. Anything I need to know right now?”

 I sighed, “yes, if your ass isn't here in less than 5 minutes you'll be enjoying the rest of your fucking short life at the southern outpost.Got it?”

 “Got it, be right there.”

I had to get to the bottom of what was happening with y/n. Which fuckwad had put her on custodial duty in the fucking basement? Where was she sleeping? Where should we move her for her safety? And most importantly, who were the fuckity fucking monsters that were harassing her, and how should we punish them?

 Soon, I heard a knock, just under 4 minutes, good fucking job, Simon.

 Opening the door, I stepped back, letting Simon enter the room. He stepped towards my desk, looking at me for fucking permission to sit.

 “Sit.” I went around and sat in my chair, leaning back a bit.

 “So, why the urgency, Negan?”

 “Y/N, I need some fucking info on who are the shitheads that assigned her the shittiest job available in the Sanctuary?”

 “Well, that would be…” Simon cleared his throat “Either myself, Dwight or Franklin.”

 “So, who the fuck was it? Was your little 'mmmhhmmm’ your way of saying you are said shithead?”

 He looked over the desk at me, his hands fidgeting. “Uh, no, not me. I'm pretty sure it was Franklin. But sir, I don't think anyone knew at that point that the girl was mute. She seemed capable enough.”

I closed my eyes, trying to fucking keep my cool. “Capable enough? What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

 I could see Simon shifting in his seat, nervous. Good. “Well, I guess, cause she didn't argue when we gave them their assignments. Most people put up a bit of a fuss. When she didn't we figured all was fucking a'ok with 'er.”

“So that made her 'capable’” Dear fuck, I used those fucking air quotes, but I was fucking done with incompetence.

 “Okay, just chalk this up to another fucking job I have to take over. Next, find her a room, alone.”

 “We don't have many single rooms, 'cept maybe downstairs there could be one.”

 I squinted, “Downstairs? As in the fucking basement where Dwight and his merry team of fucktwats are? Yeah, you set that up right now, perfect fucking place for a tiny girl, who can't communicate, who's scared of her own fucking shadow. Just the fucking ticket, Simon! Get right on that shit.”

 I was fucking fuming.

“Uh, yeah, well there is a room, locks and all. But uh…”

 “Fucking spit it out Simon!”

 “It's your private room”

 Fuckity fuck. I had a room made up for my wives and I to have our little fucking private fuckfests. I hated them in my main room. And fuck, whenever I tried screwing them in their bedrooms, invariably one of the others would come a knocking, looking for a little of their own Negan time.

 I let out a breath that I had been holding in. “Okay, clean it up. Make it look nice, not like it's a room for fucking. Make it her’s.”

Simon tipped his head at me. “You sure boss? I mean you were pretty adamant about having that separate room for your wives.”

“Did I stutter Simon? Yes, I'm fucking sure. And after you're done with that I have another thing we have to fucking handle. Get that room done this afternoon, including moving her things in. Let me know when that fuckers done. Got it?”

 “Got it, Negan.”

 I stood, waiting for Simon to stand. “Get on it.”

 He hesitated, turning to look at me with a questioning look.

 “Out with it Simon.”

 “I'm not trying to beat a dead horse, but why all this,” he gestured with his hands, “for this girl? We've had plenty of odd females make their way through the Sanctuary doors and you haven't given them a fucking glance. Why her?”

 “Cant say I even fucking know myself, man.But there is something there, something about her. But even without my fucking strange attraction, the way she was, is, being treated is fucking deplorable. And I need to get to the bottom of it. Okay?”

 “Okay, I'll get on fixing up her room.”

 As Simon walked out, closing the door, I walked over to my bed. Lying down, boots and all, I was too old for all of this shit. I must have fallen asleep because I was suddenly awakened by doll, standing by my bed, big eyes looking at me like she'd seen a fucking ghost. She turned and started to run out of the room.

 “Sweetheart, y/n, don't go, it's okay, I'm not mad!” Surprisingly, she stopped, turning hesitantly to look up at me, then glancing back down at her clasped hands.

 “Did Joseph let you in here to clean? I know he said you were pretty upset you couldn't fucking finish.”

 She looked back up at me, nodding her head yes. Fuck, she looked so scared. Jesus what exactly had happened to her?!

“I tell you what, I have to take a shower, why don't you finish up your cleaning and I'll be out of your way. But if you need anything at all, just knock on the door, okay?” I slowly moved towards her, wanting to lock the door behind her. As I neared her, she quickly wrapped her arms around herself and started whimpering, her eyes darting around looking for a quick escape.

 “Oh fuck, sweetheart, I'm not gonna touch you. I just wanted to lock the door so we won't have any unwanted fuckheads entering unannounced.” Mostly, I was concerned about my wives.

 She started shaking her head, quickly moving towards the door. Without thinking, I reached out, grabbing her arm to stop her from leaving. She swung around, her right fist connecting with my cheek.

 “Jesus, fuck! Shit, you've got a damn nice right hook there doll” I was rubbing the spot now. “You fucking hit better than most men!”

 I figured she'd run, but she actually stood there, glaring at me. “If looks could fucking kill, doll, I reckon I'd be fucking dead, huh?” I snickered, still running my fingers over my cheek, feeling it beginning to swell.

 “Well, I've got to go take my shower, maybe splash some fucking cold water on this. You just do your thing, and we'll keep the door unlocked, okay?” It hadn't fucking dawned on me that she might think I was locking her in, not locking someone out. “And doll, I'm fucking sorry I scared you, that wasn't my intention.”

 She looked at me, nodding once again. She seemed to have lost the death glare, but was far from relaxed. Smiling at her, I went to my bathroom, shutting the door.

When I was finished, I came into the room, surprised, and a touch disappointed to see y/n was nowhere to be seen. I was hoping to talk with her, see if I could get her to fucking trust me.

 Grabbing a clean tee out of my closet, I sat on the edge of my bed, thinking. Why is she so scared? What happened to her exactly? How could she survive in such a fucked up world? Why do I fucking care so much?

 I didn't even notice that she had somehow reappeared, right in front of me, making me jump.

 “Good fucking god doll, are some sort of fucking ninja?! You're going to give an old man a heart attack.”

 Did she just fucking giggle?!

 She came closer, extremely close, she sat next to me on the bed. I didn't dare move, even a fucking fraction of an inch. She looked up at my, holding her hand out with what looked like an ice pack.

 “For me, doll?”

 Nodding her head, she brought it up to my cheek, placing it gently there, holding it.

 Taking a chance, I turned my face just enough to take in her face. She seemed so into holding the pack on my face, I'm not sure she even noticed me staring. She had y/e/c eyes, so bright and beautiful. Her features were so fine, like a doll. Her y/h/c hair was long, but she wore it up, it was shiny, silky, my fingers itching to touch, run through it. Her lips, soft, so red without the benefit of lipstick.

 When I came back around to her eyes, I realized she was looking back at me, not with a frightened look, but I could have fucking swear she was smirking.

 “Caught me, sweetheart.”  Winking at her, she didn't look away, her gaze still meeting mine. “So, does my face look any better? You really nailed me darling!”

 Shifting her gaze to the ice pack, she pulled it off, investigating the bump. I couldn't help the involuntary flinch when her soft fingers touched my face. She pulled back, but I don't think from fear. She stood up, glancing around the room as if searching for me something.

 “Do you need something?” I asked.

 She walked over to my desk, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper, tipping her head sideways.

 “Sure, be my guest.”

 She started writing something, then walking back over, handing it to me.

 I took it, realizing that I hadn't even thought of asking her if she communicated this way. Fucking stupid of me.

 Mr. Negan, I'm very sorry for the punch, it doesnt look as bad as I'm sure it probably feels. :(

 Thank you also, for letting me work upstairs. I didn't want to complain, but downstairs, well, it's just not a good…fit for me.

 You're very kind to me, and I so appreciate it. Most people, especially men, are not so kind.

 I'll leave you now, and again, sorry!

 Y/N Y/L/N

 She started towards the door, picking up some of her cleaning supplies. She turned to smile at me. She did something with her hand, her fingers.

 I stood up, walking to her. “Sign language? What was that sign, can you show me?”

 She grinned, taking my hand, placing my fingertips on my lips, then moving my hand down a bit, pointing towards her. Then she moved my hand to the side of my face, making my fingers fold down to my palm, kind of like a little child waving.

 “Oh, fuck! I get it, it's goodbye, right? But whats the finger kissing part?”

 Smiling, she mouthed, thank you.

“Well, I think I should be thanking you, doll. My room has never looked better! And thank you,” I tried signing at the same time, “for teaching those signs. Maybe you could teach me more.”

 She nodded, then turned to leave, as I opened the door, stepping aside to let her through, Simon appeared.

 “Rooms all set, Negan.” He looked at y/n, an awkward smile on his face.

 “Good timing. Thanks.”

 “Didn't you have something else to discuss with me?”

 “Not now, I'll call you when I'm ready. Just go along your merry fucking way.” He was grating on my fucking nerves.

 “Okay, I'll be around. Goodbye miss.” He nodded at y/n.

 Smiling at Simon, she looked back to me. I could swear her fucking smile grew.

 “So, I have got a little surprise for you, sweetheart, it's kinda a perk that comes with the new job.”

 She looked a bit confused, but still smiled. She followed me down the hallway to her new room.

 I noticed the door was open, thinking Simon just left it that way.

 As I stepped inside, about to signal her to enter, I realized one of the Saviors was still working on putting some new curtains up. He turned around, stepping down of the ladder.

 “Oh, sir, sorry, just finishing the curtains. Hope everything's okay?”

 Just as he began talking, I heard doll, make an almost squeaking sound. When I turned around, she was over halfway down the hall.

 Turning back to look at Tad, I saw a look of fucking shock on his face.

 And I knew why.

@mypapawinchester @kijilinn @may85  @mamapeterson @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @negandarylsatisfaction @rapsity @strangersangel9 @wickednerdery @hannibalssweaters @ladylorelitany @angelak72081 @scarygoodfanfics @superpinkkcat @gageef @ericas-negan77 @miss-nori85 @ali-pennell @smuttwd @purplejellybean @concertxjunkie @magical-spit  @jotilpip @thedeadwalks @negantrashlucille23 @pandainfinitely @xdaddy-neganx @almostinwonderland @myheart4ever47-blog @lauryphelps1d @texasgal2222  @rizflo-blog @catleesi-xo @negans-network    @melodicdolls @ohmyneganimagination-twd  @kitcat44  @jmackie1983 @bulletscrossbowpie @astrangegirlsmind @negans-dirty-girl @theatricalbride @jasoncrouse @neganscatleesi @yesfangirlfan @jdmsgal @sherrilynn67 @cherieann-2001

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[strahdvonzarovich-a]

it’s sunday but favoritism at work is killing me lol

[transient-tutor]

ROXANNE: -She has been wanting to get a hold of Derek for a while now, but Dirk falling into a comatose state put a new sense of urgency in the need to speak with him. She just wanted to be sure he was alright, or at the very least some semblance of okay. Roxanne had a hunch she might not find him in his room though, and truthfully she didnt want to risk catching Riley instead.- ROXANNE: -Her theory is, if she continues wandering the halls of the ship they are going to eventually run into each other.- 

ROXANNE: -Or she hopes anyways...-

DEREK: -it's a GOOD THEORY. he's often lurking around the ship when he isn't in his room or visiting dirk and/or jake. she'll see him at the end of the hall, back turned as he skulks around. he stops suddenly, though... he seems to be looking for something, or to see if anybody is around before he turns towards the nearest vent and reaches to open it-- AND THEN HE SEES ROXANNE.- ... 

DEREK: Sup.

ROXANNE: -Boy she sure sees... all that. What the actual fuck.- 

ROXANNE: Hey. -Folds her arms and walks closer.- You uh. chekin' the air flow or somthin'?

DEREK: Yup. 

DEREK: Exactly that.

DEREK: You followin me or somethin?

ROXANNE: No. 

ROXANNE: Well. Yeah kind of, but not like that.

ROXANNE: I uh. Wanted to check in on you.

DEREK: I knew it. 

DEREK: -glances away, then back at her.- Im fine. 

DEREK: Like as fine as a guy in my position can be. Ill be honest with you there.

ROXANNE: -Well, at least hes being honest. Roxanne shifts on her feet and tries not to stare at him with too much pity.- Right. Nah, thats. 

ROXANNE: Thats a pretty fair claim. Still though, if you feel like ya' need to talk or something you know I'm here right? I know we dont have the best history with dealin' with our own heavy shit but this is a lot you're going through right now so I just want ya' to know I'm here if you want me.

DEREK: -crosses his arms, leaning against the wall. the body language is definitely standoffish, but his expression seems to be mulling this over with more serious and maybe even CONSTRUCTIVE consideration.- 

DEREK: ... Yeah. I know. 

DEREK: I appreciate it. -then he quiets, his shoulders sagging with might very well be simple sadness.-

ROXANNE: -Constructive consideration is good!- 

ROXANNE: Cool. 

ROXANNE: ......So. Do you feel like you want to talk right now? About anything. Or do you need to keep checking the vent?

DEREK: -glances at the vent. yes... checking it... that's definitely what he wants to do...- 

DEREK: I mean nothings keeping me. 

DEREK: Just... Hard to know what to say. 

DEREK: Seems like whatever might be on my mind is already out there. Hangin in the air. All uncomfortably palpable and shit. 

DEREK: A pretty plain statement that. Gee. This sure reminds a motherfucker of somethin.

ROXANNE: Right, I know but we dont only have to talk about that. We could talk about other things too? Like literally anything, shoot the shit whatever. -Crosses over to him so there is less distance between them now. There is no escape from her fussing Derek.- Has your sleeping got any better?

ROXANNE: Not that we're apparently supposed to sleep anymore. But. 

ROXANNE: Ya'know. Whenever you do. Has it been better?

ROXANNE: More restful?

DEREK: -rolls eyes a little behind shades about the SLEEP questions again.- I mean... I guess.

DEREK: Hard to get good rest when you gotta wake up regularly. 

DEREK: Its killin Riley cuz shes got a way worse time fallin asleep as is.

ROXANNE: -She cant see him roll his eyes behind those shades so shes going to keep going.- Oh dang right. 

ROXANNE: ...Is she okay too? I mean I saw her the other day but that was before Dirk got put out of commission.

DEREK: Were about in the same boat. 

DEREK: Cept shes worse off cuz shes already miserable bein at the ass end of this pregnancy. -glances away with a sigh.- 

DEREK: Its gonna be rough. But were managing.

ROXANNE: -She nods in understanding.- well glad to hear, let her know I'm sending my sympathies ta her too.

DEREK: Sure thing. 

DEREK: -pauses, shuffling his feet a little. he can't... think of anything to say that doesn't feel awkward. feelings are hard.- Have I told you what were naming her? 

DEREK: The baby?

ROXANNE: Naming who?- Oh! -Right, of course, the baby. Babies have to have  names, right.- 

ROXANNE: So you've decided on one? Thats good, what are ya'thinking of?

DEREK: -he actually smiles a little, something soft and sincere.- Ryan.

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: are you done w him yet cos i have a question like Rio: Sorry Rio: Fire away Indie: serious how do i make it that good Indie: without meshing mckenna Rio: Honestly? You just find out with experience, what you do and don't like, then you have to ask for that Rio: then you ask them what they like and if they know you can do it Rio: most lads your age haven't got a clue but are easily pleased so Indie: 😒💔😒💔 Indie: not what I was hoping youd hit me w Indie: I dont have experience & he does Rio: Soz, if this was Cosmo I'd give you some weird ass tips involving household items but I ain't gonna do you like that Rio: You can get experience with yourself Indie: thats such a ma answer 😂 Rio: It's true tho babe 😂 Rio: Why, didn't you like it? Indie: i was shook i still am Rio: 'Course you were Rio: It's a big deal Indie: not too any other heads in these endz just this bitch here being cringe bout it Rio: Nah, people always lie about that shit Rio: whether it's under or over hyping Indie: we got both cos im amp and hes not bothered is that just how its destined or Rio: How you know that for sure? Indie: 👀 & 👂 Rio: There's so many answers that ain't that still though Rio: 'less I'm missing something Rio: he could be playing it cool 'cos he's as hyped, for example Rio: or just fucking hungover 'cos you know, ain't we all a bit Indie: nah cos last night isnt the only Rio: What you mean? Indie: since i gave him everything now he dont want it Indie: thats how it goes Indie: talking at new ones and bout his olds and how they be like im not there Rio: What a prick Rio: That's not on Indie: cos he dont wanna roll w no tourist which is how i am to this Rio: Nah, don't get it twisted, he don't wanna roll, period Rio: playing a numbers game like a typical teenage boy who's spent too much time alone in his room 🎮👌🍆 Rio: this isn't anything you did or didn't do, fuck that noise Indie: yeah cos i made the chase sick but then couldnt come through how he needed beyond that Indie: just school me and then Rio: Babe Rio: If he don't fuck with loyalty then he don't, that's on him not you Rio: doesn't mean you weren't good and even if you weren't, fuck getting better for a wasteman who ain't trying for you how you need it Indie: its what drew reckons too it aint just me chatting Indie: help me step my game up thats how you do Indie: he was with his previous for time i can make me stay for me too like Rio: What does he know, like Rio: I mean I can show you some things, yeah, but you gotta feel it and feel yourself, you know Indie: hes a lad & he knows the game, how they think & do idk he was on it with what he was saying i felt it Rio: You wanna get on a lad like your Dad Rio: they ain't all the same Indie: cos you landed mckenna & you outta that madness Indie: theyre the same for me Rio: I ain't saying a lot of 'em aren't shit, but like Rio: what about lads like your mates, they're all alright Rio: it ain't one extreme or the other Indie: to roll with if i was trying to link em theyd doing it exactly Indie: rudeboys my age want they want & get it how they do Rio: alright but idc 'bout them Rio: what do YOU want, Inds? Indie: I want him to feel for me how i do for him Indie: like he can do anything to me and wants to Rio: You reckon boys your age get it how they do Rio: so do like them Rio: how'd a fuckboy get your attention? Indie: it aint gonna go that way Indie: he scares me Indie: theres no power in it for me Rio: What scares you about it? Indie: im fallin all the time Indie: its deep and its heavy and its a total madness Rio: Oh baby Rio: If I had the answer to that shit, I'd be selling it for the 💸 and good of us all Indie: he makes me feel owned not like 💍 but 🤡 Indie: i cant do for him anything Indie: boys dont play me i play them 'cept now Rio: That is scary, no avoiding it Rio: Best you can do is front the bad bitch still, even when you ain't feeling it Indie: id let him put a baby in me when were olders and living that and he cant turn from edie for me Indie: what is that gonna be Indie: im just like my ma arent I Rio: Don't say it like a bad thing, your Ma was awesome Indie: nah Rio: She was though Indie: your ma can front it cos she got love for her Indie: if she was she'd be here Rio: nah, she don't get to be reduced to just how she died when her life was more than that Indie: she let him run her & i was never trying to be that but this is me younger and letting a boy play me Rio: You aren't that Rio: and I won't let that play out like that Indie: im over having my own back innit i wanted him to carry Rio: ain't a crime Rio: you got so many of us though, even if a boy does you dirty Rio: you ain't alone Indie: i feel it today Rio: I'm sorry Rio: Do you want to go somewhere with me Rio: I can get rid of Buster but I can't hang with Drew all day getting high, that's all Indie: idc bout mckenna but I want Drew to go Indie: theres a vibe Rio: We'll get rid of him Rio: or duck out home, he can sit here himself if he likes Indie: do you feel it or am i that faded on this 🚬 Rio: Nah, I do Rio: sure we didn't help, sorry again Indie: it's chill Indie: i would if i could Rio: gimme a sec to get decent and we'll bounce Indie: has he hated mckenna proper since the start or is it just since you two started riding each other? Rio: idk what else his reasoning would be tbh Rio: say what you like, he ain't that bad Indie: but he aint your hot half bro Indie: makes no sense Indie: you two can link up if you want Rio: you'd have to ask him, babe, but i wouldn't bother Rio: taking the moral highground on this one, i guess, idc Indie: is caleb home? he needs to cook for me cos mckenna is lax at providing Indie: that breakfast was dred Rio: i'll bell ahead and see if not we'll swing by the restaurant init Rio: did he try and make you eat something healthy? 😂 Indie: safe Indie: shouldve known not to trust a posh boy innit Indie: sneaky greens up in everything like Rio: gotta get those vitamins babe Rio: how cute Indie: youre so whipped for him i cant be listening to none of your words 😂 Rio: Shh 😜 Indie: tell yourself Indie: but nah cos its well too late Indie: 👀 & 👂 man Rio: Erm you keep them 👀 down, I know that door was closed Indie: you two are so amp for each other you aint always keepin it behind em Rio: I know, but it's hard 😩😂 Rio: Honestly, the fact only you and Drew know has me worried for this fam and their senses, like Indie: 😉😉 hes hard is how you mean Indie: standard Indie: might be a tourist still but i aint bait Rio: Don't be nasty 😏 Indie: tell him Indie: that boy so horny for you its a pure madness Rio: you been knew i'm peng gurl come on Indie: making me shook about myself Indie: its rude Rio: 💔 Rio: you ain't gotta be like me Indie: gurl please im not gonna seckle for less than Indie: youre goals Indie: 🔥🔥🔥 Rio: you're a babe Rio: need you about, only one Indie, like Rio: Mum enough for you? Indie: 😂 Indie: does that make mckenna my new daddy 😉 Rio: Watch it 😉 Indie: ✌ thats a yeah if i heard one ever Indie: ill get his take on my 🍒💔 Indie: but not over food like Rio: It's a gonna be a bit weird for us all if we both call him that but not trying to give you incentive biatch 😜 Rio: probably not in front of my actual da either, unless you want his input too Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: I aint trying to call nobody that Rio: Fair Rio: Can whack it out when you wanna throw subtle shade Indie: innit Indie: marko can dash me fore that word comes outta my mouth Rio: Deffo, you don't need to be on that hype Indie: he called me baby the other day boy please im grown Indie: stop playing Rio: 😂 Rio: See, boy got no clue Indie: him on that shelta and me on my 🍀 aint no wonder we got crossed wires bitch Rio: Sometimes it's better when you ain't know what they 🗣 Rio: Done that, or pretended I ain't fluent like 👋 Indie: innit tho Indie: me on your fams hype like im from there too sometimes Rio: Multilingual and ready to mingle 💃 Indie: bit late to switch that with him but Rio: You know, babe Rio: how you think I got stuck with him 🙄 nightmare, like Indie: fix my face? i gotta be fresh for all the 📷 imma lure this boy back w Indie: a bitch knows how to take a nude least Rio: 'Course Rio: but you best not be putting your face in no nudes Rio: you need denialabilty for so many reasons, main one being its technically CP Indie: no shit my face is for all the snaps to show what a sick time im having Indie: not missing him at all Indie: the nudes are for when he remembers hes missing me Rio: That's allowed then Rio: 👍 Rio: Proceed Indie: i gotta say if tho cos hes still giving me the most air ever Indie: 💔💔💔 Rio: You're gonna fake it so hard you'll actually get there, trust Indie: last nite was so bangin til she fucked it up for me Rio: I know, babe Indie: do you reckon he wouldve Indie: with her Rio: Nah Rio: I mean, idk the lad and he sounds like a bit of a twat but Rio: sure he ain't gonna do you like that Indie: shes got ways tho Rio: She just ain't afraid of anything Rio: it works in her favour sometimes, other times it don't Indie: im not scared of no thing either Rio: 'Course Rio: but you know Rio: Edie not in a good way Indie: yeah Indie: on the subject drew wont go Indie: aint about leaving him here around all our shit but not trying to stay Indie: reckons he needs to chat at you Rio: Right Rio: I'm coming 🙄 ffs man Indie: is mckenna coming home w us? Rio: Up to you, babe Indie: it aint vexing or hyping me either way Indie: if he wants to be schooled for what proper food is Rio: 😂 he's swearing down it was Nance's fault but idk Rio: either way, we got a date so I gotta kick Drew to the curb Indie: standard she does eat how a 🐰 do Indie: he aint done me dirty fore so daddy can have another shot at winning me Rio: I'll let him know, in roughly those words 😏 Indie: tell the boy he gotta get in my snaps 👌 Indie: make me 👑💖 Rio: Gurl, it's literally still a sore subject but we will brawl s2g 😂 Indie: jam mama Indie: not trying to co-ord these bruises Rio: 😘 Rio: Stay 'way from him fr then you get me 👀 Indie: he's just a peng piece of staging Indie: not trying to ride it Rio: s'all 💕 up in here Rio: will be when we've 👋 anyway Indie: i wanna get done again now im 🍒 popped but he can chill on it Indie: not my speed Indie: and I'm too 😍😍😍 Rio: You a fool Rio: but I love ya Indie: you've been chatting at the old man for long Indie: come through w you Indie: ✌✌ Rio: 🙄 no need to tell me, he's in a chatting mood Rio: aight Rio: coming